It’s the last show before Extreme Rules and we’re minus a Josh Matthews here due to Lesnar killing him on Monday. We have a main event tonight of Sheamus vs. Mark Henry in a non-title match which is a rematch from Raw where Daniel Bryan cheated Sheamus with a fast count. Other than that I don’t think anything else has been announced. Let’s get to it.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is time, as I want it to be next Friday so I can see Avengers.

We see a clip of Josh’s attack from Monday.

Here’s Bryan to open the show. He talks about cutting the cord and finally getting rid of AJ. He’s out here to set the record straight: the Wrestlemania loss to Sheamus doesn’t count and should go against AJ’s record, not his. Then on Monday he was asked to be guest referee in Sheamus vs. Henry. He said he’d call it right down the middle and he did. Some people are saying he fast counted Sheamus but here’s footage showing he didn’t. The count is shown in slow motion. We also get the post match attack and YES Lock.

Bryan says it’s time for a question and answer session. Did Henry beat Sheamus? YES. Did he make Sheamus tap out? YES (not that I remember). Will he get the title back on Sunday? YES. Cue Del Rio who asks a bunch of questions with Ricardo shouting SI after every one in a funny bit. Big Show comes out and wants to know if it’s YES or SI, which starts a chant. Show knocks Bryan to the floor and chokeslams Ricardo. Good chokeslam too.

Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio

This is joined in progress after a break and I’m pretty sure is non-title. Show chops Del Rio in the corner and clubs him down with forearms. Del Rio is knocked to the floor but he drapes the arm over the ropes to take over. Show vs. Cody’s stipulation will be determined by a spin of the wheel. Show shrugs him off and spears him down. He loads up the chokeslam but Cody comes in for the DQ at 1:54.

Cody tries some weapons but Show knocks them away. He steals Cody’s belt and whips Cody with it a few times. Cody hasn’t gotten in a single successful attack or victory over Show at all since Wrestlemania.

Ace and Eve are in the back and he says that Eve can make whatever changes she thinks are good on Smackdown. Just run them by him first. Eve says she doesn’t know any of the crew people so maybe they should make them wear nametags. They run into Teddy who wants to know what his job is. Ace says Teddy reports directly to Eve, who tells him to go get a nametag.

We get a clip from the Divas Title match Monday where Nikki won it from Beth.

Damien Sandow talks about enlightenment. The fans aren’t enlightened as they worship people with nonsensical catchphrases and loud music. He debuts in a week.

Alicia Fox vs. Nikki Bella

Non-title again. The place just goes silent for this as you can hear the girls shouting at each other. Nikki throws Alicia and those hips around with a snapmare and it’s off to a modified chinlock. Alicia comes back with a one footed dropkick and basically falls off the middle rope for a back elbow. Twin Magic lets Brie hit a facejam for the pin at 1:48.

O’Neil and Young come up to Yoshi who I think they’re facing tonight. They make fun of Japanese people that put their hands together and bow while saying hai. They ask about Yoshi’s partner and imply he can’t speak English. Big Zeke comes up and says he’s the partner tonight. They sing a song about how Zeke is big and strong but doesn’t have any cuts. Where were these guys on NXT?

Teddy is now in a maid’s outfit over his suit and has a big nametag on his chest. Aksana comes in and he thanks her for sticking by him. She’s surprised he has grandchildren and here’s Ace who says Aksana’s favor has been granted: Antonio Cesar gets a tryout match tonight. If he wins, he gets a job. Eve had an idea that Aksana should be guest ring announcer. Oh and Teddy will have his own ringside commentary table to make sure we have three commentators and he starts next. Ace will tell him every word he says through a headset.

Ezekiel Jackson/Yoshi Tatsu vs. Darren Young/Titus O’Neil

Teddy is on commentary at a separate table but can’t talk unless Ace gives him the ok and the exact words in his ears. Young and Tatsu start in the corner and Young takes him down with a Hot Shot. Off to Titus as Cole berates Teddy. The heels beat on Tatsu with double teaming and on their own. Young dropkicks the knee out on Jackson while he’s on the apron and a REALLY bad modified Hart Attack out of the corner gets the pin on Yoshi at 1:50. Young missed Tatsu for the most part so it was more like a shove than a chop while Titus powerbombed him.

Here’s Cole in the ring and he brings out Orton for an interview. Cole asks about Orton’s match on Sunday and Orton says he likes to shoot first and ask questions later. He’ll be ready to do whatever it takes to beat Kane on Sunday. We get a video on their feud (long one too, like two minutes) and Orton says he can almost respect what Kane did because it’s something he’d do, but he won’t accept it. On Sunday, there are no rules so he can do whatever he wants. Kane is the devil’s favorite demon, but even the devil couldn’t so what Orton is going to do on Sunda.

Cue….Jinder Mahal? He thinks Orton and Kane will destroy each other and a new breed will emerge. Mahal says he’s better than Orton all around and that he’ll be waiting after Extreme Rules. Orton cuts him off and lays him out with an RKO. Are they really going with Mahal vs. Orton after this? Why? What has Mahal done to make them think he deserves that spot?

Kofi Kingston says don’t try this at home or school.

Tyson Kidd vs. Antonio Cesaro

Kidd doesn’t get an entrance. Cesaro’s music reminds me of Johnny B. Badd’s. Cesaro is of course Claudio Castagnoli. He has what looks like socks wrapped around his thighs. Booker: “Are those kneepads?” Cole: “No Booker. If they were kneepads they would be around his knees.” Cesaro uses a lot of power strikes and a gutwrench suplex to take Kidd over. He throws Kidd in the air and hits a European Uppercut on the way down. Cesaro sets for a cradle piledriver but falls forward ala DDP’s pancake move for the pin at 1:10.

Teddy has to go in and do something he doesn’t want to do post match. He raises Cesaro’s hand and then Cesaro kisses Aksana.

Long video on Lesnar vs. Cena, including clips from the sitdown interview and from Edge’s promo on Monday. Cena hasn’t said much in this.

Great Khali vs. Cody Rhodes

This is as a result of the attack before the six man from last week. Cody is still sore from the whipping Show gave him earlier. Cody goes for the knee which doesn’t work at all. He manages to take Khali down and DDTs the knee before going up top. A missile dropkick puts Khali down for two. Back to the knee but Khali gets up and uses some clotheslines to take Cody down. Disaster Kick is caught in the Plunge….for the clean pin at 1:59. Oh good grief I’m not going to bother explaining how stupid this is.

Washington pitches to the tag champions some more and thinks Rosa should talk some more. He needs a decision by Monday though. Ryback comes up and glares at them and walks away. Washington tries to set up a meeting with him.

The Usos are watching in the back.

Jacob Kaye vs. Ryback

Kaye says that he’s not going to be another no name schnook. I like this guy already. He’s from Grand Rapids and has been trying to escape it for years now. Kaye charges at him and gets thrown down immediately. Ryback kicks his head off and chokes him with the boot. Gorilla press into a powerslam sets up the clothesline and the Muscle Buster gets the pin at 1:08. This guy is so much fun.

Video on AJ going crazy last week. She has no comment on anything but looks very evil. Kaitlyn comes up and tells Striker to leave her alone. Striker leaves and Kaitlyn tries to talk some sense into her so AJ slaps the taste out of her mouth. She immediately seems to regret it but Kaitlyn leaves. This is getting interested.

Mark Henry vs. Sheamus

Henry overpowers him to start so Shemaus slows down a little bit. A headlock doesn’t work and Henry puts him down again. Sheamus goes to the knee and takes Henry down for two. He goes for the arm but Henry shoves him to the floor with ease. Sheamus comes back with the slingshot shoulder for two and we take a break. Back with Henry slamming the champ to take over.

Henry gets knocked to the apron and Sheamus hits the ten forearms which are getting cheered a lot better lately. Henry easily throws Sheamus down though and hits a HARD whip into the barricade. Back in for a quick nerve hold but Sheamus gets out. Henry hits something that looked like a crescent kick to put Sheamus down for two. Sheamus comes back with his double ax handles to the chest and down goes Henry.

A DDT gets two for the champion. He’s getting fired up now and starts to pound his chest and shouting Brogue. Probably due to shouting very loudly, Henry is able to run him over for two. A charge misses and Sheamus goes up but jumps over Henry. Brogue Kick takes Henry’s head off for the pin at 7:26 shown of 10:56.

Rating: C. This was exactly what you would expect from these two. Henry is the perfect foil for a guy like Sheamus as it looks impressive when Sheamus beats him but Henry’s power is good enough to give Sheamus a threat. Also it helps that Sheamus has a finisher that he can hit on anyone instead of a power move.

Bryan comes to the apron and Sheamus invites him down. Sheamus says this Sunday won’t be a fluke and there won’t be an AJ to blame. Will Sheamus kick Bryan’s head off and keep the title? YES! YES! YES! The chant ends the show.

Overall Rating: B. I liked this show for the most part other than the Khali win. For the life of me is it a crime to make him look strong before a rematch? Anyway I liked a lot about this, including the push for the world title match and Ryback’s match, as he’s the more interesting version of someone like Tensai, minus the big win. Good show here and they pushed the PPV strong, which is the right idea.

Results
Big Show b. Albert Del Rio via DQ when Cody Rhodes interfered
Nikki Bella b. Alicia Fox – Brie Bella pinned Fox after a facejam
Darren Young/Titus O’Neil b. Yoshi Tatsu/Ezekiel Jackson – Double Team Powerbomb
Antonio Cesaro b. Tyson Kidd – Cradle Pancake
Great Khali b. Cody Rhodes – Punjabi Plunge
Ryback b. Jacob Kaye – Muscle Buster
Sheamus b. Mark Henry – Brogue Kick

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We have an actual changed show this week as we’ve got a bunch of people gone from the show after the great NXT purge last week. I’m not sure what to expect this week but it should be interesting to see who they bring in to replace the guys that have left. Either way it’s a good thing to get some fresh blood in here. Let’s get to it.

Striker is in the ring and says that Josh isn’t able to do commentary tonight because of the beating that Lesnar gave him on Monday. He recaps the firings and hirings of Young/O’Neil, which gets limited responses. That means there are some roster spots open and Regal is going to bring in some new talent. He’s out looking for that talent at the moment, so tonight Horny is the match coordinator. Oh good grief.

He says there are no more redemption points or challenges (duh) and brags about how he can talk. Hasn’t he been able to do that for the last six months or so? Tonight it’s Watson/Kidd vs. Curtis/McGillicutty. First of all though, he calls out Derrick Bateman. Wasn’t that his rookie like 6 months ago? Bateman says something to Horny from the aisle but JTG jumps him. Oh great he’s back. He complains about being off the show and that he has to beg Horny for a match. Bateman jumps him so here we go.

JTG vs. Derrick Bateman

Bateman immediately dropkicks him down and takes over. Clothesline takes JTG down as Horny says Bateman will be on Raw or Smackdown very soon. Out to the floor but Bateman misses a missile dropkick from the apron. JTG takes over back in the ring and hooks a chinlock. The video messes up now but the audio is still good.

JTG gets two off something as Horny is talking about Brodus while Striker corrects his English. The video is back now as Bateman rams JTG into the corner and starts his comeback. JTG speeds around behind him though and hits Jay Lethal’s belly to back suplex into a neckbreaker which is awesome. It only gets two and Bateman hits his falling bulldog for the quick pin at 4:42.

Rating: D+. I’m not wild on either of these guys but JTG getting his head smacked against a mat is always a good thing. I really hope he’s not going to be one of the main heels on this show now but for a one off appearance he’s a breath of bad air after the weeks of Young boring me to death.

Horny leaves commentary. I think there’s going to be someone different with Striker every match.

Maxine and Bateman arrive and a referee handcuffs them together as per Regal’s orders. Maxine tries to flirt her way out of it but it doesn’t work. Horny comes up and laughs at them. There’s a Divas tag later.

A shortened version of Brock/Ace/Cena from Monday is shown.

Watson comes up to Kidd to talk about their match later and Kidd says he hopes Watson isn’t another victim of Kidd’s bad luch with tag teams. Kaitlyn comes up and asks for the name of the new submission hold he used on McGillicutty. He says he’s going to let the fans pick when Natalya comes up and gets in her face about flirting with Tyson. The girls leave and the guys make fun of them but it’s nothing harsh.

Maxine has managed to change her clothes while being handcuffed. Natalya comes up and asks about the tag match which they agree to work together for. Curtis has to go with them.

Natalya/Maxine vs. Tamina Snuka/Kaitlyn

We get a video comparing Tamina to her dad. This is an insult to Jimmy. Kaitlyn and Tamina hit dropkicks at the same time to start the match. We have Natalya vs. Kaitlyn to officially get things going. Natalya throws her around to start and hooks a quick stretch which Curtis can’t explain the pain behind. Kaitlyn comes back with a bad looking cross body which gets two.

Off to maxine who hooks a front chancery with a body scissors. Striker gives a quick explanation of how the move works which Curtis can’t do or doesn’t know. Natalya comes in to break up a tag and hooks a leg lock. Kaitlyn knocks her off and it’s a double tag to Tamina and Maxine. The Samoan destroys her and the Superfly gets the splash at 4:40.

Rating: D+. Another dull match here and that splash really isn’t anything special at all. It’s just a top rope splash rather than a top rope splash that looks awesome, which is what Jimmy’s was. Kaitlyn continues to be all looks and little skill in the ring, but that could apply to almost all of the Divas.

Striker says Maxine has to stay here because Curtis has a match.

Kidd finds Watson in the back holding his knee. He thinks it was Michael McGillicutty.

Johnny Curtis/Michael McGillicutty vs. Tyson Kidd/???

McGillicutty is a surprise partner apparently. Ok then. I could have sworn they announced that earlier but whatever. Horny throws out McGillicutty so it’s a one on one match.

Tyson Kidd vs. Johnny Curtis

Maxine is at the table but doesn’t have a headset. McGillicutty hits on her as Curtis has to keep moving to avoid the technical skill of Kidd. He gets in a shot on Kidd’s arm to take over but Kidd speeds things up, sending Curtis to the floor. Tyson hits a sweet rana off the apron to send Curtis to the floor and we take a break. Back with Curtis putting on an armbar to keep Tyson on the mat.

During the break Kidd’s springboard elbow hit Curtis’ knee to set up the arm work. McGillicutty is quoting country songs for some reason. The arm work continues and the announcers talk about Cena vs. Lesnar to fill time. Kidd comes back with some kicks but goes up and is caught in a superplex for two. Kidd goes up again and hits a Blockbuster for two. I’ve always been a fan of that move. Sharpshooter is countered into a wheelbarrow suplex by Curtis for two. Guillotine legdrop misses and the Hart Lock (which is the name from FCW from what I can tell) gets the submission at 10:23.

Rating: B-. Good match but not a great one. Kidd is one of those guys that can go out there and have a good match with anyone it seems, even someone like Johnny Curtis who is hardly the most interesting person in the world. I’m hoping one of these changes that’s coming in NXT is a singles title for him to compete for.

Overall Rating: C. This show is kind of a placeholder until Regal can come back and bring in some new talent with him. That’s fine as the show wasn’t horrible or anything, but the wrestling wasn’t much to see. Still though, it’s so nice to have some fresh blood coming soon on this show and that’s a rare thing on Wednesdays.

Results
Derrick Bateman b. JTG – Falling Bulldog
Tamina Snuka/Kaitlyn b. Maxine/Natalya – Superfly Splash to Maxine
Tyson Kidd b. Johnny Curtis – Hart Lock

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Now the crux of this is based on the Brock interview that they’ve aired for the last two weeks.  The idea here is that Brock has dominated everything (not named professional football) that he’s ever competed in.  Everything from amateur wrestling to pro wrestling to the UFC, he’s gone to the top of it with no one being able to stand in his path.  Lesnar is a finely tuned athletic killing machine that has never been stopped no matter what he attempts.

On the other side you have John Cena, who played college football and is the top man in the WWE and has been for about the last 7 years.  He started very slowly and worked his way to the top.  The idea is that Cena works his way through every problem he faces and even when he fails, he never gives in and never quits.  He spent years and years perfecting his craft, unlike Lesnar who has basically come in and within a month or two is the top dog everywhere.

This presents a very strong dichotomy between the two and gives you an angle to play off of.  This is where Rocky V comes in.  For those of you that haven’t seen it, the end of the movie is a confrontation between Rocky and Tommy Gunn.  Rocky is a street fighter who had no high class training and was very raw for the most part of his career.  Gunn was trained well and became a polished fighter.  Now at the beginning of the movie, Rocky has been told that he can never step foot into a boxing ring again due to fear of head trauma.  This is where the connection kicks in.

By the end of the movie the two are about to fight each other but Gunn’s manager says that Tommy only fights in the ring.  Rocky says “my ring’s outside.”  Now THIS is where the WWE should pick up on things.  The idea is that Lesnar has dominated everything he’s done, but everything he’s done has had rules.  Even in the UFC, everything is regulated and under control at all times.  Play up Cena’s background as more of a street brawler (if you flash WAY back in his career it’s there) and how he’s not a polished killing machine like Lesnar, but at Extreme Rules, Lesnar doesn’t have anything under control.  It’s on Cena’s terms, not Brock’s.  It’s a street fight, not a match with rounds and rules and on Sunday, anything goes.

To cap it off, picture Cena saying something like this: “And Brock, this Sunday in Chicago, if you think the beatings you took in the UFC were bad, you just wait.  There ain’t gonna be a referee to pull me off you like when you guys like Cain Velazquez and Allastair Overeem beating your face into a cage.  That’s what happens when you lose control: you get beaten up Brock.  I’m not stopping until the job’s done and I’m the one left standing.  See you on Sunday.”

Thoughts?

It’s a three hour show in Detroit tonight. In theory this was going to be the Draft but with the Super Show having guys from both shows on it, there’s no real need to have one. Del Rio was officially traded to Smackdown so they could probably have things like that instead of wasting a full show on a Draft. That’s probably a good idea as you can use time on other stuff. Today is also Cena’s birthday if that means anything. Let’s get to it.

Let’s burn it to the ground.

We open with the Lesnar vs. Cena contract signing, moderated by Teddy Long. Teddy screws up something about the number of titles Cena has won, because CLEARLY which title he’s won makes a difference right? Brock gets his entrance but it’s Ace instead. Brock isn’t here yet so the signing will be later. Also tonight might be Cena’s last night on Raw, so get out of his ring.

Ace goes to leave…..and here’s Edge. He says he’s off his contract in a few days after this but he’s here to talk to Cena. However this isn’t the real Cena standing in front of him. Edge came to talk to the John Cena who is his greatest rival ever in the WWE. The real Cena is the one that beat him at TLC in Toronto and threw him in the Long Island Sound. Maybe it was Rock beating him that changed Cena, because big losses can change people, like Andre losing to Hogan and the Screwjob and such.

Cena has to find what’s inside of him because this is all that both Edge and Cena have ever done. This isn’t what Lesnar is all about. He doesn’t care about these people unless they can line his pockets. Brock was gone for eight years while Cena and Edge were carrying the load. A loss to Lesnar is a slap in the face of guys like Undertaker, Michaels and Edge, so Cena needs to wake up. He isn’t asking Cena to beat Lesnar. He’s telling him to. This was pretty freaking awesome.

Chris Jericho vs. Kofi Kingston

Kofi quickly knocks him to the floor and has to do the hair bounce off the top rope thing because Jericho moved out of the way. Back in Jericho easily takes over and chops Kofi down before hooking a headlock. A charge into the corner misses and Jericho is knocked to the floor. Kofi hits a HUGE flip dive over the top which looked awesome. Chris is down as we take a break.

Back with Jericho holding a chinlock (duh) due to the springboard dropkick during the break. The bulldog puts Kofi down but the Lionsault misses. Standing rana gets two for Kofi but Chris hits a clothesline to take him down. Kofi pops back up for the top rope cross body and the SOS for two each. Trouble in Paradise is countered into a Walls attempt but Kofi escapes. He tries a springboard something but jumps into the Codebreaker. Liontamer ends this at 12:00.

Rating: B-. This was getting really good by the end. Kofi is great in this spot and I’d have few problems if he stayed here for awhile. He can be given a quick push if need be but he’s fitting in very well as a high flying jobber to the stars. There’s nothing wrong with being in this place on the card for a long stretch as a lot of people have had fine careers here.

Jericho says he’s going to win the title on Sunday and has a present for Punk when his title reign ends.

We get a clip of Lesnar debuting (in the ring) against Jeff Hardy and winning by KO at Backlash 2002.

Ace is on the phone when Eve comes in. He tells her to call him Johnny and offers her an opening in his administration. The job would be Executive Administrator which she accepts. He wants a hug but gets a handshake instead.

We get some of the sitdown interview from last week with Lesnar.

Punk is in the back and his gift is a big basket of liquor. Punk keeps one bottle which he says he’ll give to Jericho at the PPV and gives the rest of the basket to Josh. This could be interesting.

Lord Tensai vs. R-Truth

This is kind of a drop in opponent quality for Tensai. Tensai’s inset promo is mostly in Japanese. Tensai no sells a lot of Truth’s offense and runs him over. He fires off the headbutts in the corner and Truth is in trouble. Backsplash hits and the Baldo Bomb sets up the Mist Claw for the win at 2:00.

Here’s Kane to talk about the match on Sunday with Orton. Orton can’t beat Kane with rules as was proven at Wrestlemania so why would he think that he can beat Kane without them? Orton is struggling with humanity and hates that Kane has discovered his one true weakness. Kane has found Orton’s shoulders? He calls Randy a scared boy looking for his father. Orton pops up on the screen and says he wants to get into this too. Behind him is Paul Bearer tied up in a chair. Orton throws him inside what looks like a freezer. Kane says he doesn’t care because his father is the devil himself.

Kane goes to leave but Orton comes up the aisle for a slugout. Kane gets rammed into the steps and then the post with a good looking shot. Orton finds a pipe from somewhere and beats Kane up with it, sending Kane up through the crowd.

Jericho is in the back and runs into Alex Riley, who says he thinks Punk is drinking from the bottle of alcohol he was given. They go to his locker room and see him on the phone having a drink from a red cup with the bottle next to it, but you can’t tell what’s in the cup. Jericho looks happily stunned.

Alberto Del Rio/Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show/Great Khali

Cody vs. Show II is announced for the PPV and the stipulation is to be determined. They don’t know it by now? That can’t be a good sign. Khali is limping from the attack on Friday. He and Cody start and Cody’s kick is easily countered. Khali goes after the knee of Cody but when he loads up the chop Cody bails to the floor. Back inside Rhodes immediately tags out and Alberto fires a kick to the knee. That gets him nowhere other than into the corner for some chops.

We take a break and come back with the hot tag to Big show so he can beat on Del Rio. Cody pulls the rope down and sends Show to the floor for some work on the knee. The heels work over the knee with Cody hooking the Figure Four. It’s not as bad as the one from Friday but it’s still pretty bad. Show comes back and Del Rio walks out, allowing the chokeslam to pin Cody at 10:20.

Rating: D+. Oh good freaking grief this company makes my head HURT. There’s a title match on Sunday (one of five total on the show I believe) and they decide to have the champion, who has dominated the challenger for a month now, dominate him again. I mean, heaven forbid that Khali gets pinned or that Big Show takes a fluke fall to make us think that Cody has a chance right?

Santino defends the US Title against Miz on the pre-show on Sunday, because THE UNITED STATES TITLE ISN’T IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO PUT ON A FREAKING PAY PER VIEW!

Jericho is with Ace, Eve and Teddy, saying that Punk needs to be stripped of the title. Eve says that there’s a WWE rule saying that you can’t drink alcohol within 12 hours of a WWE show. There’s going to be a field sobriety test later. Jericho leaves and Teddy gets yelled at for not following the rules. He gets to administer the test later and possibly strip Punk of the title.

Lesnar is here and shoves Josh against a wall. Brock walks away and Josh says he’s just trying to do his job, which earns him a trip through the interview set.

Back from a break and Josh is being put on a stretcher.

Divas Title: Nikki Bella vs. Beth Phoenix

Before the match here’s Eve to say that this is now a lumberjack match. Maxine is one of the divas here so I’m sure she’ll be complaining about not being off NXT yet this week again. Nikki dropkicks Beth down and monkey flips her down. That results in her getting slammed into the corner and gorilla press dropped. Off to a chinlock followed by a backbreaker. Beth throws her to the floor and injures her knee. Brie goes after Beth and the lumberjacks jump on Beth in a dog pile. I think there was a switch in the pile but I’m not sure. Beth’s ankle or leg is messed up, allowing Nikki to roll her up and win the title at 4:11.

Rating: D. The girls looked good, the match was the usual Diva stuff, the whole deal with the Bellas leaving soon is now up in the air, I still don’t care about the Divas. Next. Oh and the leg injury appears to be real.

Punk freaks out and breaks stuff because he has to have a sobriety test.

Here’s Teddy with two cops for the sobriety test. Jericho comes out to observe this. Punk comes out and is acting shaky because he’s drunk you see. He drops the belt as he’s standing in the ring. It’s not Hawk in 98 bad but I don’t see a clear ending to this. Punk talks about how ridiculous this is, and the whole WWF (yes WWF) Universe says this is ridiculous. First up is he has to recite the alphabet backwards. He can’t do it and says it’s stupid because no one can do that sober or drunk.

Next up is walking a red line that’s in the ring. “I’ve seen Cops before. This is easy.” He does a Karate Kid impression but can’t do this either. The second officer says that Punk is obviously intoxicated and the cops are sent away. Teddy asks for the title and Punk doesn’t want to do it of course. He hands Teddy the title but before it goes to Jericho Punk wants one more chance. He tries to do the alphabet backwards again and does it very slowly (messing up the S and the T) but does it at the same time as walking a straight line, before moonwalking and strutting through the end. Punk gets it right and destroys Jericho.

Clip of Lesnar destroying Hogan on Smackdown. I really don’t get why this is supposed to be a big deal.

Sheamus vs. Mark Henry

Daniel Bryan gets to be guest referee. They trade power to start but Bryan stops him from throwing a punch. Remember that Sheamus is on the referee probation. Henry runs Sheamus over and covers with Bryan counting the pin in less than a second, ending it at 1:36.

Post match Sheamus goes after Bryan but has to kick Henry’s head off first. He takes Sheamus’ knee out and kicks him in the head before putting on the YES Lock.

Brodus/Horny vs. Ziggler/Swagger later on has its own sponsor: Taco Bell.

Back from a break Sheamu

s thinks Bryan is a coward and a snake in the grass. He’s going to get the same treatment that the snakes in Ireland got, but Sheamus is no saint. I like Sheamus A LOT more (which is saying a lot as he might be my favorite wrestler right now) when he has some adversity instead of just plowing over everyone.

Primo/Epico vs. Zach Ryder/Santino Marella

Ryder and Epico start things off with Zach taking over with an armbar. He sends Epico into the corner and hits the boot but Rosa distracts him from hitting the Rough Ryder. Out to the floor and Ryder gets sent into the post which gets one in the ring. The champs hammer away on him but Primo misses a springboard flip dive, allowing the hot tag to Santino. He loads up the Cobra as Ryder takes out Epico. Primo dropkicks Santino down but Santino backflips to his feet and the Cobra gets the pin at 3:18. It was stupid but I found it funny so that’s all that matters.

Rating: C-. I have no idea what to think of this. On one hand I’m glad Ryder isn’t getting destroyed by another main event guy, but at the same time the tag titles are about as valuable as the CWF Bahamanian Title right now. Then again, the titles have been dead for a long time now so I think it’s excusable.

Kane sneaks into the freezer and gets Paul out. Paul thanks him for saving him, but Kane shoves him back in again. Ok then.

Epico and Primo are arguing when Abraham Washington comes in and wants to know why they’re being treated like jokes who can’t get on Wrestlemania or can’t get an entrance. He gives them his card and they seem interested.

Brodus Clay/Hornswoggle vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger

This is presented by Taco Bell. Whatever pays the bills. Horny starts with Swagger before it’s off to Dolph. He stands on Horny’s head but Horny comes back with a headscissors. Off to Brodus vs. Swagger and the fat dancing dinosaur from another planet runs over the All American Hitler Youth. Vickie comes in for the DQ at 1:55.

Horny, the dancers and Brodus surround her but she goes to get Brodus’ hat and puts it on Clay’s head. Horny bites her and that’s it.

Lesnar headlined Mania 19. His concussion isn’t mentioned or shown.

Here’s the rest of the interview with Brock last week.

Ace comes out to run the contract signing. Brock comes out to a decent pop. And there’s no Cena. Lesnar calls him out but there’s still no Cena. Brock gets in Ace’s face a bit but says that he needs to talk about why Brock was late earlier today. He asks Ace to sit down and talk about some changes that Lesnar wants and needs. Since he’s been back, he’s not happy with how things are going.

Brock has some demands/requests that Ace is going to have to sign off on them. He has a copy of those changes that have to go through before Sunday, preferably right now or he’s not signing to face Cena. Brock says he’s not a naive farm boy like he was eight years ago. Instead he knows this company needs him. If he’s going to be the face of the company, he wants all of Ace’s ideas run by him first. He wants Vince’s private jet to and from the venues for Raw.

Beating people up makes him happy, so when he got he got here and had to deal with what he hates, that being stupid people, he beat someone up. He’ll show up on Raw when and how he wants. Ace can’t fine Brock like he did Sheamus and Brock wants more money also. Until those demands are met, there’s no match on Sunday. Oh and the show needs to be called Monday Night Raw Starring Brock Lesnar. Ace shakes his hand and says he agrees to those terms. Brock signs and here comes Cena.

Cena has the chain and the lock around his neck. I think this is Serious Cena. He has the chain in his hand now and looks at the contract but doesn’t sign it yet. Cena looks at it again but still won’t sign. Lesnar taunts him and Cena takes the contract out of the folder. Brock says he likes the feeling he’s getting from Cena because it feels like it’s real.

He says Cena is scared and that he’s the reason Cena lost last week. He keeps saying Cena is scared which makes Cena sign. Cena has the right hand with the chain cocked back and Brock has his hand cocked as well. There goes the table but Brock smiles and shakes his finger no. Cena never said a word. Brock leaves to a ton of booing for the first time since he’s been back. And we’re done with a 15 minute overrun.

Overall Rating: B. I liked this show as it felt like a go home show. Instead of your usual stuff, we got a lot of solid build to the major matches. Why was it solid? BECAUSE IT WASN’T ALL THE SAME! They mixed stuff up, like with the two world title matches. It’s so refreshing to see something different like that instead of the same stuff time after time.

Results
Chris Jericho b. Kofi Kingston – Walls of Jericho
Lord Tensai b. R-Truth – Claw Hold
Big Show/Great Khali b. Cody Rhodes/Alberto Del Rio – Chokeslam to Rhodes
Nikki Bella b. Beth Phoenix – Rollup
Mark Henry b. Sheamus – Clothesline
Zach Ryder/Santino Marella b. Epico/Primo – Cobra to Primo
Brodus Clay/Hornswoggle b. Jack Swagger/Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Vickie Guerrero interfered

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Your picks?

Kind of just a filler show here as I felt like doing a modern one rather than more of the same stuff that I’d been doing. This is a year and two days old so it’s still relatively recent. This is one of those cards where everything is a gimmick match which is fine. The main event is Hardy vs. Edge in a ladder match so that should be fine. We also get Batista vs. Orton in a cage. I can live with that I guess. The card looks ok so let’s get to it.

The opening video is of all the guys and talking about how extreme this is. It’s a fairly weak video but it gets the point over, or at least I guess it does.

US Title: Kofi Kingston vs. MVP vs. William Regal vs. Matt Hardy

Well this is random. Kofi won the title 6 days ago from MVP. He beat Hardy and Regal for the title shot in the first place. This is an extreme gimmick? Sure why not. MVP is a face here…I think. Yeah he is. Regal has been hitting on Vickie to get into this. Matt gets a rather solid pop. He’s heel here which is just odd to type.

Oh and Matt still has a broken hand from Mania. MVP is the same thing that he is today. That’s all you need to know about him: he hasn’t changed a bit in a year. Regal hasn’t either but he’s more or less a jobber now so it’s not like it matters that much. Kofi hits a dive to take out every American in this match.

Then he takes out the British guy as well. It’s your usual insanity for one of these matches as we get rotating one on one matches. That works fine I think as it’s really the only way you can do these without insane choreography before it starts. Regal gets solid heel heat. He’s just so easy to hate.

Everybody but Matt gets in a Tower of Doom spot so Matt dives on them all but of course it doesn’t work. Also his hand seems to be just fine all of a sudden. For some reason I love that leg drop that Matt does from the middle rope. It’s not like there’s anything really special about it or anything.

Kofi hits a Boom Drop on Regal who is on top of Matt in a decent spot. Kofi hits that pendulum kick that seemingly every midcard face hits now. I was wrong about MVP not changing anything in a year. Now he is even worse at his belly to belly overhead suplexes. Ballin hits on Matt as we’re very close to the end. You can feel it.

Regal beats up everyone but Kofi bounces off the top rope and hits a kick to the head which is called Trouble in Paradise for the pin to retain. It looked like a one footed dropkick but whatever.

Rating: D+. Not bad I guess, but WAY too short. This wasn’t even seven minutes long and it was just kind of a mess. It’s certainly not a bad match or anything like that, but it just felt thrown together and like it was there to kill time. That’s never a good sign. Kofi’s reign is about as forgettable as you could ask one to be also.

Show says instead of asking him for his strategy, you should ask Cena for his strategy.

We recap Jericho trying to rip Rey’s mask off on Smackdown. Him dressing as a Rey fan was really smart actually.

Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Chris Jericho

This was one of the matches that brought credibility back to the belt. Rey is defending here. Jericho’s voice says he’s not there but up here, which is at the merchandise stand. He says Mysterio is encouraging deception by having WWE sell the masks. He does the walking to the ring through the crowd promo which is always awesome. This was when Jericho was still just completely amazing with this gimmick and even I was loving him.

Jericho wants Rey’s mask. These two tore the world apart with great matches so this should be great. Both guys know about 100 styles and can mix them up really well so I’m looking forward to this. Actually I’m not as it’s started so I’m looking at it but with a happy grin I guess. Oh and this is no holds barred for the gimmick. We start on the floor with Rey throwing pieces of a table at Jericho. They’re going at a fast pace here which is very clearly working for them.

This is one of those matches that is hard to make jokes about because you know it’s going to be good. Rey hits a nice plancha from the top to the floor. JR says Rey is being aggressive. That’s true I suppose. Actually yeah it is true. It’s strange to see Jericho being the bigger guy. We get some decent talking about the customs and traditions associated with the mask in Lucha Libre, which is very interesting stuff when someone like Tenay talks about it.

When Grisham talks about it he sounds like someone giving a high school presentation. Rey takes a Gordbuster on the floor. Dang that would have hurt. Jericho goes for the mask and you get a perfectly clean shot of Rey’s face. Ah never mind. I didn’t realize I had flipped over to a WCW show where he didn’t have it on for a long time. You get a good face shot here too but this one was less intentional I think. A really good suicide dive takes Jericho out as this has been high impact and back and forth.

What more can you ask for? The fans are appreciative of this too which always makes me smile. Jericho gets a spinning rack thing for a long two. Lionsault of course misses and Rey gets the 619. He jumps into a Codebreaker though and we’re about at even. The looks Jericho does are great. Jericho has a chair. Maybe he wants to give Rey a lap dance. Oh I forgot this was no holds barred. That explains the lack of a DQ for the chair use from both guys.

Rey sets up the chair and gets a running start but is caught in the Walls. Somehow he gets the chair and drills Jericho. Nice shot too. Rey goes for the 619 but Jericho manages to pull the mask off. Since Rey is desperately covering his face, the rollup by Jericho ends it.

Rating: A-. GREAT match here with them going back and forth with all kinds of stuff. The chair played a very limited role which makes the stipulation fairly pointless, but still this match worked so well that I can’t complain. It’s not like it didn’t get used at all so I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt. This match was great though as it turns out that when you put two guys in the ring and let them just go, things turn out well.

Ad for the Randy Savage DVD.

Josh Matthews is with Batista. We see a video from Monday where Orton and Legacy beat up Flair in a “fight” and punted him. Big Dave says Orton won’t be able to do that to him tonight. This is supposed to be big and dramatic and it just isn’t at all.

CM Punk vs. Umaga

This was a fairly weak mini feud that saw Umaga just destroy Punk at every time. Punk has MITB here and has been trying to cash it in for awhile but Umaga keeps stopping him. Oh and this is a Samoan Strap Match. Why do I not picture a lot of straps in Samoa? They’ll be tied at the wrist here and I think you win by pinfall or submission. There was never any real justification for Umaga to beat the heck out of Punk like he did but whatever.

I guess you could go with he’s a savage. I guess this is the four corner style. Blast it. There is however a helpful graphic in the corner saying how many you have in a row with Punk in green and Umaga in red. Still though I’ve never gotten a clear definition of what in succession means. I know what succession means but often times they just seemingly go with what fits best for the rules at the time. Umaga works on Punk’s arm as this match is just kind of odd.

Not sure why it is but it comes off as most odd to me. With Punk on the floor Umaga gets two buckles but instead of getting the third he goes for Punk. I didn’t know Samoans were such idiots. Aww Punk went for the GTS. That’s so cute. Grisham says Punk was undaunted. What does it mean to be daunted?

I’ve never heard of anyone being daunted but just undaunted. Fans are very behind Punk. Punk gets three but charges at Umaga instead and gets drilled. Well he deserves it for being stupid. Umaga gets three but Punk gets him to charge at him like a bull and Umaga goes to the floor. This is getting fairly repetitive.

Umaga gets pulled off the top and crashes to the mat. Punk gets three and with Umaga pulling away from him, for no explained reason at all, Umaga charges at him and gets caught in GTS so Punk can win. Ending was just stupid looking on Umaga’s part.

Rating: D. These matches were never very good and this is no exception. Also, there were far too many stupid moments here, mainly the ending. I love Punk, but this was just an incredibly pointless feud and thankfully this is the last one between them. Keep an eye on Punk though. He’s going places.

Gregory Helms is with Christian and he says that Dreamer and Swagger will lose tonight. Dreamer says Christian will lose. Swagger comes up and says they’ll both lose. Ok then.

ECW Title: Christian vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Jack Swagger

If Dreamer loses he’s gone. This is a hardcore match so it’s pinfalls count anywhere. Who would believe Swagger would be the most successful guy a year later? So Dreamer is on a one day contract since they mistimed the whole contract thing in storyline terms. Swagger is the guy Christian beat to get the title.

We even get big match intros. Dreamer is wearing something close to silver pants. Hey, did you know that the champion is at a disadvantage here? I didn’t know if telling you that twice in 40 seconds would be enough indication. Striker says Dreamer has a Singapore Stick. Let the ECW fans freak. White Russian Leg Sweep to Swagger. Dreamer hits a front flip with a trash can behind him so that hits their faces. This is kind of sad considering what ECW was originally about.

Dreamer sets for the baseball slide but Christian stops him and does it himself. In other words, the blonde haired WWE product did the ECW original’s thing to another WWE guy. That sums up so many things so easily. The people want tables. Yeah I’m stunned too. Swagger no sells some kendo shots and hits a belly to belly on Dreamer.

We’re going with the various one on one matches here which is about as expected. Crowd is DEAD other than for the big spots. Swagger goes for the Gutwrench but Dreamer nails him with a crutch twice and hits a DDT to get the ECW Title. More on that in a bit.

Rating: D. This is your traditional “hardcore” match which means let’s hit each other with trash cans and hope the people care. This just felt completely lifeless to me and I just wanted to see it end, which isn’t something that I have issue with that often. There are far worse matches, but this just had nothing at all to it. Even Dreamer’s win, while a big moment for old school ECW fans feels flat. Let’s look at this for a minute. Imagine Christian or Swagger in the original ECW.

They come off as two guys that would get booed out of the building for some reason. Look at the size of the belt. It’s freaking huge and looks like a bad toy. Dreamer has a massive celebration and you can tell that he’s loving it and that it’s a huge deal, but you can see ECW’s already dead body just rotting away here and even me, someone that didn’t get into ECW until the last year or so when it was a shell of itself, can tell this isn’t meaning anything at all.

Look at the next segment: Vickie preparing to defend the title of Miss Wrestlemania against a guy in drag in a hog pen match. The soul of ECW is dead, and to top it off Dreamer would lose the belt in Philadelphia to Christian two PPVs later. It actually makes me sad.

So anyway, Vickie is training for her hog pen match while Chavo makes pig noises and is wearing a pig nose. Let’s get this over with.

Miss Wrestlemania: Santina Marella vs. Vickie Guerrero/Chavo Guerrero

Please, make this go quick. Seriously, this is the dumbest thing of the year and it needs to end. Lawler is the host for this or something. You have to get the pin in the pen, which has hogs in it. Please just get this going as they talk forever first. Chavo is her partner and it’s 2-1. She throws mud at Chavo who is in street clothes and he beats her up.

So they’re in a mud pen and have to be thrown into the other one and then pinned. Oh wait they can come back out of the one with the pigs and get pinned in the bigger one. Vickie comes in and Chavo accidentally slops her….shoulder. Santina pins her and this is thankfully over. Vickie and Chavo fight in the mud as Cole and Lawler are laughing, likely by Vince’s orders. Santina celebrates forever as this segment has gone on longer than all but one match so far.

Rating: N/A. Give me a match and I’ll rate it.

Ad for Summerslam, which was a good show if I remember correctly. After checking the review for it which can easily be accessed by using the Table of Contents thread on the top of the Old School Reviews section, I was right as I gave it an A-.

We recap Batista vs. Orton, which was of course about Flair. I was there for the announcement of the cage match on a Raw that completely sucked. Flair was really annoying at this point as even Orton asked him if he was retired or not. Flair got punted and I think never came back.

Goldust and Horny make fun of Vickie and Chavo. Edge is sitting in Vickie’s office and Edge makes fun of her. They’re still married but they’re arguing here. Edge says they’re getting a divorce.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Batista

This is a cage match. Orton has been really evil lately and Batista is mad at him for kicking Flair, even though a lot of people are glad about it. Batista gets a very solid face pop. Orton is dangling from the top of the cage less than 30 seconds in. Well at least they’re not wasting time. Basically Orton is running for his life here but Batista keeps catching him.

In less than three minutes, Orton has almost been out three times. I sense a theme. Four times in three and a half minutes. Well at least he’s consistent. It amazes me how evil he can be at this point and how over he is a year later. Orton throws him into the cage and everyone is tired like 5 minutes into this. I get that the cage is deadly but come on now people. Punt misses and Orton runs again.

Batista Bomb and RKO are countered but the Bomb hits and gets three in SEVEN FREAKING MINUTES??? Yes, this match is over in just barely over seven minutes. WHAT THE HECK? Well it would turn out that Batista had a torn bicep and he would vacate the belt on Tuesday. The following Monday Orton would win it back in a match on Raw, making this title change, say it with me, TOTALLY POINTLESS!

Rating: F+. Seriously, I’ve seen longer cage matches at house shows. I get that the match was booked and had to be all short and stuff, but that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable. This was just bad all around, mainly due to it being way too short and like half of it being Orton trying to run. You could tell something was up here though so I guess it makes sense.

We recap Big Show vs. Cena. In essence, it’s just that Show is too big to get the STF on so we’re having a submission match so that Cena can look great in winning.

Big Show vs. John Cena

Ok so there’s an hour left in the show and we have two matches left. That’s not a good sign. We get a quick ad for the Bash which is a really good show if I remember correctly. Cena’s arms are freaking scary looking here. Cena goes for the leg which makes sense but it only works twice. Show’s finisher is the Colossal Clutch which is the reverse chinlock that looks like it would hurt bad.

Does Cole have Show’s shoe size tattooed into his memory or something? He mentions it in every match Show is in it feels like. In a nice looking spot, Cena goes for a bulldog and Show just pushes him out of the ring. That looked awesome. The flying shoulder doesn’t work at all which is a great visual.

This match is pretty boring. The audio on the commentary goes way down in volume which is always fun. Show goes for a full nelson. Who is nelson that he gets like three moves named after him? This is going SO slow and it’s rather annoying. Cena gets a sleeper which is smart. At least he’s thinking.

It’s actually more like a choke but whatever. It amazes me that a guy can manage to be strangled for about 45 seconds by a guy that is ridiculously strong and still be, you know, alive. Show hits the Alley-Oop which is just awesome every time I see it. Again, this is a rather boring match. Now Show is working on the back and ribs. Could this match be any more paint by numbers? This match is just crawling by with nothing of interest at all going on.

Show pulls on Cena’s neck which works on his back somehow but never actually goes for a hold. Crowd isn’t dead but they’re rather sick. Vader Bomb misses. Cena can’t slam him. I want this to end. Is Show hugging him? It’s not a bad hold I guess but it’s boring. Cena is on the floor and nothing of note is happening.

It’s just them plodding around filling time. Maybe if they gave the opener more than 6 minutes this could have been shorter and therefore watchable. We’ve probably spent 5 minutes just standing around with Show looking down at Cena. Oh look it’s an abdominal stretch. Chokeslam is countered into a DDT and AGAIN he can’t hook the STFU. Cole says Cena is showing signs of life. I guess that means besides the whole walking, breathing, moving and looking around.

Hey, let’s have a bearhug now since that’s oh so riveting. Cena hits the FU but can’t get the STFU. The Knockout Punch hits. Can we watch a Knockouts match instead? Cena hits the top rope Fameasser and we get to the really stupid ending as Cena ties Show’s leg in the rope and hooks the STFU that was.

The problem is Show’s leg COMES UNDONE so it’s just a crossface. And there’s the tap, thank goodness. Cole saying Cena has done another miracle sums things up pretty well I’d say. You know, because I just said it.

Rating: F+. Oh sweet goodness this was bad. I have never been so bored in a match, and somehow that’s not an exaggeration. This was just painfully boring as NOTHING happens for about half of this match which went like twenty minutes. Just terribly boring and while the ending was creative, the botch made things just look awful.

Edge and Hardy get the big long video. This felt like a big match and with Edge saying something like Hardy makes highlight reels but Edge wins world titles, I was excited for this one.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

There must be 15 ladders around the ring and the aisle. Of course Roberts tells us that this is a ladder match since we never could have figured that one out on our own. Edge is champion here. Hardy really was a big deal back then. Wow a year ago is now considered back then. That’s odd to hear. Seriously, how weird is it to see Jeff Hardy vs. Edge in the main event of a pay per view?

This crowd has been DEAD all night and it’s rather annoying me. Why is a running shoulder in the corner different than a spear? And to anyone thinking “because it’s in a corner”, shut up. Jeff goes for a small ladder but it goes into his ribs.

Ross reminds us that the ladders aren’t going to give, even though these two were the first people to break one of them at MITB earlier in this year I believe. Or was that a year before? Does it matter? It was more than a week ago so it’s fair game as far as erasing it goes. Ok so it’s a spear when there’s a ladder between Hardy and the corner but not when there’s no ladder? Sure why not.

Edge smashes Jeff’s leg in between a ladder and then hooks a Sharpshooter while Hardy is lying on the ladder. Hardy actually taps which is surprising if nothing else. I love the spots where the ladder is knocked out from under someone. Those are always awesome looking. In a NICE spot, Edge takes a gordbuster onto an inverted ladder on the parts that spread out to brace the ladder. FREAKING OW!

It’s big ladder time now and Jeff gets on top of it and tries to lean it over so it’ll fall and he’ll be able to grab the belt. Well that’s original at least I guess. It never ceases to amaze me when people pull out new spots with the ladders like Kofi and the stilts at Mania this year. It works to an extent but Edge makes the save.

Ross says he jerks him down which is a better description than when he said Lita jerked Edge off at Mania X7. Jeff lands on his leg so that’s hurt now. And of course he hits Whisper in the Wind off the ladder just after that. We’re on the floor now with a ladder set up between the railing and the ring like a bridge if you know what I mean. Jeff gets launched into the front row. Ross says he went sailing. There’s a funny skit with Hardy as a sailor in there somewhere.

Edge is set on the ladder that was a bridge and Hardy climbs up another one. Edge gets up and climbs Hardy’s ladder and yep they both go through the ladder “that won’t give a bit”. As in the ladder is broken and bent and stuff. And there goes the referee once we’re back in the ring. Ah there’s another one. That’s better.

Jeff climbs the big one in the middle of the ring and Edge climbs one in the corner. Edge goes for the big spear like at Mania X7 but Hardy catches him in a Diamond Cutter (called a Twist of Fate but I can live with that one). They’re both on the big ladder and fight it out up there but Hardy drops down and in a brilliant spot pulls Edge down THROUGH the rungs of the ladder so that his arms are the only things stopping him from going down to the mat. That’s enough for Hardy to win it.

Rating: B+. Very solid main event here with the two masters of the ladder match doing what they do best and making it seem like a big deal. Not sure what but it was missing something from making it a classic, but it’s still great. These two have insane chemistry together and this is no exception. Great match and nearly a great way to close the show. I say nearly because the show isn’t quite over yet.

JR goes into the ring to talk to Hardy…..AND CUE PUNK’S MUSIC! It’s time for an MITB CASH IN!

Smackdown World Title: CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy

Hardy can’t even stand up and there’s the GTS for 2. Punk’s heat is molten here as no one likes this other than me. I fell asleep during the ladder match when this aired and woke up to hear Hardy win. I closed my eyes again and heard Punk’s music. I FREAKED. A second GTS gives Punk the title.

I won’t bother with a rating obviously, but the first thirty seconds here were obviously harkening back to Gotch vs. Hackenschmidt but over the next fifteen seconds they really let things go as it turned very sloppy. The last 15 seconds saved it though as they were clearly channeling Steamboat and Flair other than about 2 seconds in the middle there. Punk’s current heel persona would kind of debut next month.

Overall Rating: D+. While there are two great matches on here, after that it just has nothing. And when I say nothing I mean NOTHING. The problem is that there’s a difference between being just a waste of time and being a bad waste of time. This would be the latter. Other than the IC and ladder matches, there is NOTHING here.

The problem with the IC match is the rematch next month is even better, so there is absolutely no reason to see this show. Punk’s first cash in was far better too, so there is just nothing of note here. The ladder match is good, but it certainly doesn’t save the show. Not recommended at all, but the IC match and ladder match are worth seeing if you’re bored.

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Another WZ milestone related to this show as the day after this, I joined the forum staff. Anyway, this is the final No Mercy show and it’s also the blowoff to Shawn vs. Jericho with a ladder match for the title. Other than that we also have HHH vs. Jeff Hardy in what is likely going to be another in their great series of matches. After this it’s off to Backlash. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is designed like something from the 50s which then transitions into color and a video about the main matches. I don’t get that one.

ECW Title: Mark Henry vs. Matt Hardy

Matt is defending. Tony Atlas almost trips over the ropes coming in. This gets big match intros which is a nice touch that makes it feel like an important match. Matt tries a headlock and that completely fails. Mark runs him over and punches him down before sending him into the corner. Matt finally escapes for a bit and tries a chop block. It gives him a few seconds to breathe but Henry clotheslines his head off.

Hardy goes back to the knees and they go to the floor. Henry shrugs Matt off but the champ goes back to the knee. Figure Four is countered and Henry uses the good foot for a big boot, getting two. A bottom rope Banzai Drop gets the same. Matt tries to punch back but jumps into a bearhug. Hardy quickly climbs up Henry and tries a sunset flip.

Henry blocks it but he hits the mat when he tries to sit on the champ. Side Effect gets two and the place ERUPTS. Twist of Fate is countered and the place quiets in a hurry. Splash gets a delayed two. Twist is countered into the Slam but Matt punches the knee and the Twist hits to retain.

Rating: B-. I’m stunned by the crowd reaction to this as you would think it was the main event of a major show. The place was going nuts on almost everything Hardy did like I haven’t heard since the Hardy Boys days. The David vs. Goliath stuff worked very well here as these two always had some chemistry together.

HHH and Hardy are brought together in the back and HHH says Jeff is only going to win the mobile text popularity poll. He’ll be rooting for Jeff in the match tonight. Hardy says worry about him, not texting. HHH says he wants Jeff to put everything together and win the big one so that tonight, he’ll know he beat Hardy at his best.

Women’s Title: Candice Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix

Beth is defending in the rematch from last year. Candice immediately kicks the knee out for two. A dropkick to the head of Beth as she’s getting up gets the same. An enziguri slows Phoenix down as Candice is starting off fast. A charge is caught and Beth rams her into the buckle to stop that cold.

Beth hooks a modified cross armbreaker which lasts for a few moments. Candice comes back with some of the weakest clotheslines I can ever remember. Her arms are TINY which is what makes them so weak. Beth puts her down and goes up top, only to get crotched and dropkicked for two. Santino had to make the save so Candice dropkicks him through the ropes. Back inside the glam Slam quickly ends this.

Rating: D+. Candice slowly fell down a mountain after she lost the title a year before this. Like I said her offense was mostly dropkicks and not very good ones at that. On top of that there were the clotheslines which were embarrassing. The Divas took a nosedive around this point as the good chicks were just not there with the talent other than one in a handful. Also there were two titles by this point which didn’t help anything at all.

Buy the new Flair DVD! That actually was a good one.

Kane says Rey’s story ends tonight. They have a match tonight and if Rey loses, he loses his mask. This feud went on for the better part of eternity and never really had a real payoff.

Rey Mysterio vs. Kane

Rey fires off some strikes and a dropkick to send him to the floor. Kane gets back in and hits a big boot to send Rey to the floor for a breather. A springboard dropkick sends Kane crawling on his knees into the 619 position. Kane is thankfully playing possum though and hits a clothesline to put Mysterio down. A bad jawbreaker from Rey sets up a middle rope rana to send Kane to the floor.

Rey tries a dive but gets caught in a powerslam position. He climbs up Kane and hooks a sleeper, only to get thrown over the barricade. Mysterio’s back is rammed into the post and Kane hooks a chinlock back inside. Rey comes back with a headscissors to backflip into a reverse DDT to slow Kane down. Kane puts him on the middle rope with Rey’s back to the ring and goes after the mask. Rey elbows out of that and hits a moonsault to a standing Kane to put both guys down.

Dropping the Dime gets two but Rey walks into a side slam which gets the same. Chokeslam is countered and Rey mostly misses something like a spinning springboard DDT. Cole and Jerry aren’t sure if it was an armdrag or a DDT and I’m not sure either. That’s how messed up it was. Rey goes up again but jumps into an uppercut for two. Kane goes to the apron and Rey hits the 619 to the back of the leg and they go outside. Rey dives off the top into a chair for the DQ.

Rating: C-. They were trying here but the big vs. little dynamic was too much for them to overcome here. It started really slow too and the ending didn’t help anything. Kane as the monster only has a certain limit to what it can do and this was stretching that limit to as far as it could go, as it’s hard to believe he couldn’t get the mask off if he wanted to, but he didn’t. Not a horrible match but it didn’t quite work for me. It was getting better by the end though and it wasn’t horrible at all.

MVP is on the phone in the back and goes to see Vickie about being off the show. He knocks on her door and finds Big Show. MVP asks to see her but Show says no.

Vote at Cyber Sunday!

Here’s MVP to waste some time. This has to be better than the pizza eating contest he was in last year. He talks about how you don’t bench LeBron James or Manny Ramirez (dated reference much?) and on Smackdown, you don’t bench MVP. He thinks the tombstone Undertaker gave Vickie hurt her head, but this isn’t the first instance of him being forgotten. Cue Orton for some more talking.

Randy is still hurt at this point and introduces himself to MVP. MVP says he knows who Orton is but didn’t recognize him without the sling or the folder with the MRI results in it. There’s no reason for MVP to not deck Orton because they’re on different shows. Cue Legacy (DiBiase, Rhodes and Manu. Dang he never fit at all) as MVP wisely heads to the other side of the ring so he can be next to a rope. The fans immediately chant boring as Cody talks about how MVP is the guy that never got into college and just hung out at his high school to look cool while coasting on his reputation.

Cody asks Orton to let MVP have that because it’s all he’s got. Orton yells at Rhodes for some reason and Manu says the only reason Orton was able to punt CM Punk in the head was because of the Legacy beatdown. Orton says that he’ll take them more seriously when they accomplish something, and with that he leaves. MVP says Orton will be back in the ring sometime in 2012. Well it’s 2012 and MVP hasn’t been seen in WWE in over a year while Orton got the pin tonight on Smackdown so I guess he’s right?

DiBiase says MVP’s dad wasn’t a famous WWE superstar so MVP isn’t in their class. MVP says he makes more money than any wrestler on Smackdown. Ted: “My father is the Million Dollar Man.” DiBiase 1, MVP 0. MVP walks up the ramp rather than fight but Punk and Kofi come out to even the odds. Since Kofi and Punk are faces, they let MVP go into the ring without them so he takes a little beating also. The good guys clear the ring. This segment went on longer than any match so far tonight.

Michaels and Jericho are getting ready.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Batista

No story here, but the winner gets the winner of Shawn vs. Jericho at a later date, which would wind up being Cyber Sunday. This is when JBL had slimmed down a lot so the match looks a bit better. They slug it out to start and Batista puts him down with a clothesline. JBL gets a boot up in the corner but walks into a quick spear.

He rolls to the outside but doesn’t get a breather out there either. JBL drills him coming back in and they head outside again for a few seconds. Neckbreaker and elbow drop get two for Bradshaw and it’s chinlock time. Batista suplexes his way out of that and hits the shoulders in the corner. Spinebuster and the Batista Bomb finish this clean. This wasn’t even five and a half minutes long.

Rating: C-. Not much of a match but this got the job done in a hurry. It was basically a Batista squash which was exactly what it needed to be to make Batista look like a real threat to the title, which he would wind up winning at Cyber Sunday. Also did anyone really want to see this match get fifteen minutes? I don’t ever remember them having what I would call a good match so I can’t complain.

In a pretty awesome moment, JBL, still on his back from the Bomb, calls for a mic. He cuts a promo about how even though he lost a ton of money with the stock market falling apart, the bailout made him a ton of money while everyone else lost money. We cut to the back and see Cryme Tyme, a bunch of Divas and Sgt. Slaughter taking his limo. I hate the political stuff from WWE, but from it going from what sounded like a retirement promo to one of the funniest heel promos I’ve ever heard, it was awesome.

We recap Big Show vs. Undertaker. Show is mad because of the Tombstone to Vickie, Undertaker is mad because Big Show turned heel to defend Vickie at Unforgiven.

Big Show vs. Undertaker

JR talks about how Undertaker is like a Sasquatch that has wrapped his arms around us and how Big Show is Cyclopean. He has two eyes. WHAT IS WRONG WITH JIM ROSS??? Sasquatch and Cyclopean? With smoke still in the ring Taker goes right at him but gets hit in the ribs to slow him down. Taker gets knocked to the floor but lands on his feet. They slug it out on the apron and Taker Stuns him on the top rope.

Out to the floor and Show pounds away on the ribs. Show throws him into the barricade and Taker throws him into the post. This is a total war so far. Now Undertaker’s right hands are malignant. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? Legdrop on the apron and they head inside. Taker gets a boot up in the corner but Big Show clotheslines him down. Show slams him down and drops an elbow for two.

Show tries a Vader Bomb elbow but Taker moves to send Show crashing. They slug it out again with Taker punching him into the corner and working over the ribs. Show misses two WMDs so Taker clotheslines him down and drops a leg for two. Taker tries Old School but jumps into a chokeslam for two. WMD (it wasn’t called that back then but you get the idea) misses and they both try chokeslams.

Show wins the battle but Taker pulls him down into a DDT for two. Taker punches him down in the corner but stops to chase the referee, allowing Big Show to expose the buckle. A shot into that and the big punch, a second big punch (this one is pretentious according to JR) and a third one (this one a rabbit punch) makes the referee stop the match.

Rating: B. This was ten minutes long and they beat the tar out of each other the whole time. It’s probably the best Show vs. Undertaker match I’ve ever seen which is quite a selection as I’m sure you know. Good match here and while it didn’t quite get any better after this, it’s a great match from these two which is shocking for me.

Being true to his nature, Taker takes forever to get out of the ring.

We recap HHH vs. Jeff Hardy. Hardy had the title won in the Scramble but HHH won with a second remaining. Hardy won a fatal fourway to get this show. The idea is that Jeff keeps getting close to the title but is always one step away. This would be the best story of 2008 and Jeff would FINALLY reach his goal at some point this year. This gets the music video treatment.

Smackdown World Title: HHH vs. Jeff Hardy

After the big match intros we’re ready to go. Jeff shakes his hand and is immediately sent into the buckle and rolled up for two. They fight over wrist control and Jeff grabs a headlock. It’s just a feeling out process for the first 90 seconds or so. They keep fighting for control and Jeff gets his headlock on the mat. Back up and HHH hits an elbow but walks into a headscissors to send him to the floor. Jeff hits a running clothesline off the apron to take HHH down.

Back inside and back to the headlock. HHH pops up and tries a quick Pedigree but gets backdropped to the floor. Jeff tries a flip dive over the top but HHH steps to the side to make Jeff crash onto the floor with a great thud. That gets two for HHH inside, as does a wicked backbreaker. HHH punches him a bit more and it’s abdominal stretch time. HHH doesn’t have a ton of torque on it so he grabs the rope, forcing a break.

Off to a sleeper instead but Jeff escapes pretty quickly and hits his wrap around clothesline. Legdrop between the legs gets two. Hardy throws Trips into the corner and out to the floor. Now the flip dive works and both guys are down on the floor. Back inside Hardy gets two off a middle rope clothesline. This is starting to get good. Twist of Fate is countered and HHH takes him down with a clothesline of his own for two.

They slug it out and Hardy goes up. I think Jeff was trying a dropkick and I think HHH tried to counter into a spinebuster but it completely missed. Miscommunication, not a botch. Spinebuster with no miscommunication puts Hardy down and it’s Pedigree time. Hardy slingshots him into the post and the Whisper in the Wind gets a VERY close two. Slingshot dropkick to the back sets up the Swanton but HHH moves. Pedigree is countered again into a Twist of Fate and Jeff goes up. Swanton hits perfectly but Hardy lays on top of him, allowing HHH to cradle him for the pin to retain.

Rating: B+. INCREDIBLE ending sequence which had me into it both back in 2008 and now as well. Hardy would keep getting closer and closer to the title until he FINALLY won it (from Edge) in December. HHH and Hardy had some mad chemistry together and this is probably their best example of it. Great match and once it gets going, it never stopped being awesome.

HHH is in the back (without the belt) and runs into Arn Anderson who congratulates him. Oh ok he had the belt in his other hand. He runs into Kozlov and good grief no one cared. They gave the options of HHH vs. Hardy, HHH vs. Kozlov and triple threat at Cyber Sunday and HHH vs. Kozlov got like 3%. The fans just didn’t want to see it and thankfully the company listened for once.

We recap Shawn vs. Jericho. It’s a LONG story but basically, Jericho accused Shawn of faking a knee injury, Shawn said he wasn’t Jericho said he was, Shawn said ok yeah I was, Jericho wanted an apology, Shawn said no, Jericho put Shawn through a monitor and then punched his wife, they had an unsanctioned match which Shawn won, then Jericho snuck in the back door and won the world title in the Scramble match. Jericho gets to defend against Shawn tonight in a ladder match. This feud was AWESOME.

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

Big match intros are out of the way and we’re ready to go. Shawn goes for the arm to start but then says screw this and tries Chin Music. Jericho moves and Shawn charges shoulder first into the post. Out to the floor and Jericho throws Shawn at the ladder but Shawn climbs it quickly and comes off with an even quicker cross body. Jericho throws him into the post shoulder first again and goes for the ladder.

Shawn drop toeholds him though and Chris’ face hits the ladder. There’s a second ladder but Jericho takes Shawn down and hooks the Walls on the floor. For some reason he lets it go and brings the ladder into the ring, but Shawn teeter totters it into his face. Back in Shawn climbs up but Jericho shoves him off and into the top rope. The ladder goes into Shawn’s face and Jericho is bleeding from the lip a bit.

There are two ladders in the ring now. Shawn counters the bulldog and sends Jericho’s leg into the ladder. Shawn lays a ladder across the bottom rope and drops Jericho’s knee onto it before hooking up a Figure Four. After it’s broken, Jericho kicks one end of the ladder into the post so that it bounces back and hits Shawn in the shoulder and then into the face. It might have been to the previously injured eye. Jericho slams a ladder on Shawn’s head in a FREAKING OW MAN moment.

He climbs up but Shawn shoves it well enough to make Jericho stop and kick him away, causing Jericho to fall off and land on his feet. Chris puts a ladder on the top rope in the corner with the top of it pointing into the ring. Shawn throws Jericho onto the ladder and he falls out to the floor. Out to the floor and Shawn sets up the mega ladder. He hits Jericho with the ladder a few times to keep Jericho down and loads up the announce table.

Jericho is placed on the table but gets up and climbs up the ladder after Shawn. He gets in a few shots and tries a belly to back through the table. Shawn shifts his weight and lands on top of Chris, but they’re both dead anyway. Back in the ring and Shawn goes up, looking to ride the ladder down onto Jericho. The champ is ready for him though and dropkicks the ladder into Shawn, crotching him.

Jericho loads up a superplex but Shawn shoves him off. He tries the elbow but Jericho pulls the ladder onto himself so that the elbow hits the steel coming down. FREAKING OW MAN! Shawn tries the superkick but Jericho pulls up a ladder and slams it into Shawn’s head. Jericho puts the ladder on Shawn and hits the Lionsault onto it, which would seem to take a lot more out of Jericho than Shawn.

He puts the ladder on top of Shawn and tries to go up but Shawn kicks the ladder forward, sending Jericho crashing down with NOTHING to catch his fall. He’s holding his knee on the floor while Shawn slowly climbs. Jericho gets back in and shoves the ladder over, sending Shawn into the ropes. They both climb and slug it out but Jericho gets his leg caught in the ladder and is hanging upside down. Cue Cade for the save so Shawn superkicks him down. Jericho is back up and it’s another race. They both grab the belt and it comes unhooked and it’s a tug of war. Jericho headbutts the bad eye to pull down the title to retain.

Rating: A. Yeah it’s great. You knew this was going to be rated very highly coming in. Everyone loves this match and it’s not hard to see why. Both guys are masters at this and they beat each other up very well in the process. As with most great ladder matches, the matches where it’s about the guys and there happen to be ladders involved are much better than the other way around. Great match and a great ending. This would have been a lot better live I think.

Overall Rating: B+. Dang where were these No Mercy’s before? These last three were some AWESOME shows that more than make up for the weaker ones earlier in the series. The last three matches on here are all really good with a nice mix of brawling, wrestling and carnage. 2009 wasn’t nearly as good as it was all about HHH, Cena and Orton which got really boring, but No Mercy was replaced by I think Breaking Point which was a good show too if I remember right. Anyway, very good show here and worth checking out.

It’s time for Backlash and then….and then that’s it. My goodness and then that’s it.

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