This keeps coming back to me.Why is the show called Monday Night Raw?  Raw means uncooked or brand new.  What does that have to do with wrestling?  I’ve wondered this for 20 years now and I still don’t get it.

So if you listen to Glenn Beck, may God have mercy on your soul.

Now that we have that out of the way, we’ll get on to stuff that is actually news.Anyway, apparently Beck said that wrestling fans are stupid or something like that.  This may or may not have been due to the Colter/Swagger story but every time I tried to look it up my head started hurting because I was reading too much Beck nonsense.  Either way, this video popped up on WWE’s Youtube channel.  Watch the whole thing.

While I usually hate seeing kayfabe’s corpse beaten up even further and while I always loathe Glenn Beck’s nonsense, I couldn’t help but smile at hearing people far smarter than him explain why wrestling is far better entertainment than his latest conspiracy theory about how everyone is out to get your freedom and the only way to save yourself is to buy both his latest book and whatever product is sponsoring him this week.

Anyway, any thoughts on this?

Smackdown
Date: February 22, 2013
Location: Mississippi Coast Coliseum, Biloxi, Mississippi
Commentators: Josh Matthews, John Bradshaw Layfield

Elimination Chamber is over and we’ve got our world title match from Smackdown set. Jack Swagger will be facing Alberto Del Rio, assuming he doesn’t do something stupid like get arrested for driving under the influence and have marijuana found on him between now and then. Other than that…..actually there isn’t much else confirmed right now. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Alberto keeping the title over Del Rio and Swagger winning the Chamber. We also get a clip from Raw with Rock unveiling the new title belt and Punk laying out Cena with the old one.

Ricardo opens the show by bringing out Del Rio. Alberto says the two of them are going to Wrestlemania to face the winner of the Elimination Chamber Jack Swagger. Apparently Swagger has a new friend and the two of them think that they’re everything that is right about America. Alberto has seen all of Swagger’s videos and his state of the union on Raw.

Swagger claims that immigrants like Alberto are taking opportunities and jobs but Del Rio says the country was built by immigrants. This gets a lukewarm response in Mississippi. Del Rio says that the world title is a result of his hard work and the American Dream. Swagger is a real jackass, not a real American. If Swagger wants to talk about handouts, come out here and Alberto will put his hand out all over Swagger’s face.

Instead he gets Orton of all people. Before Randy can say anything, the fans start a big Randy Orton chant. He says he was this close to winning in the Chamber and earning a shot at Alberto at Wrestlemania. However that was taken from him by Jack Swagger in a quick rollup. Now Orton can’t complain about that because he would do the same thing in Swagger’s spot, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to hurt Jack. Orton asks Alberto to step aside and let him fight Swagger tonight. This brings out Booker and makes Del Rio vs. Barrett and Orton vs. Swagger. Well at least it’s not a tag match.

Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow

This can be added to the list of matches that we’ve seen WAY too many times in the last four months. Sheamus pounds away to start but the guy in pink and purple (he’s a genius but can’t color coordinate?) punches back. We head to the floor and the pale one whips him into the barricade to take over again. Back in and Sheamus grabs Damien to load up the ten forearms to the chest. Sandow bails to the floor and we take a break.

Back with Damien holding a chinlock followed by the Wind-Up Elbow for two. Sandow fires off some forearms to the face before hooking another chinlock. Sheamus fights up but gets put in 619 position for a running hip attack from Sandow. That gets two and we hit chinlock #3. Sheamus fights up again but gets rammed chest first into the barricade to slow him back down. The Terminus is countered but Sheamus can’t hit White Noise. The Brogue Kick misses too and Damien goes for the leg. That goes nowhere either though as Sheamus hits White Noise. The Brogue Kick finishes clean at 8:43 shown of 12:13.

Rating: C. I like both guys but I wish they would find some new people for Sheamus to beat up. The problem here is that we’ve seen this match so many times that there’s no reason to care about Sheamus beating Sandow up anymore. I hope Sandow doesn’t get lost in the shuffle now that the Scholars are broken up because he was showing a lot of potential on his own before the team formed.

Video on Wrestlemania coming to New Orleans.

Video on the Shield and their dominance over the past few months.

Layla/Kaitlyn vs. Tamina Snuka/Aksana

Earlier today, Kaitlyn ran into Cody and said she likes his mustache. Layla and Aksana start with a dance off and Layla hits her in the face with her barely there shorts. Off to Kaitlyn for a chinlock but a Tamina distraction lets Aksana knock her to the floor. Back in and a side slam gets two for Aksana so she crawls over to Kaitlyn on all fours.

Off to a headscissors choke which Aksana turns over and uses to ram Kaitlyn’s head into the mat. Kaitlyn easily fights out and makes the tag off to Layla who hits a dropkick to the ribs of Tamina. Snuka catches a cross body and puts Layla on her shoulders but the British chick tags in Kaitlyn. A quick spear from the champion (Kaitlyn) is enough to end Tamina at 3:30.

Rating: D. Well since Kaitlyn has now beaten Tamina twice in five days, it’s pretty clear that Snuka will be up for a title shot very soon. Layla has reached new levels of annoying with her dancing and the “L.O.L.” cross body. This bubbly personality thing is really annoying but those shorts keep getting smaller and smaller so it’s difficult to complain. This was the usual lame Divas match.

Layla looks at the belt post match so there’s the next “feud.”

We get the ENTIRE Rock/Cena/Punk segment from Raw.

Swagger and Colter are on the way to the ring when Barrett stops them. He says he agrees with what they say but Colter doesn’t care what Barrett thinks because Barrett is from England. That means Barrett is taking a job from an American so he’s part of the problem. Well that’s different.

Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger

They lock up with Swagger being shoved into the corner and stomped down. A belly to back suplex gets two for Orton and a clothesline keeps Swagger down. Off to a chinlock by Orton but Swagger comes back with a belly to back suplex of his own for two. A shoulder block keeps Orton down but Randy pops up and hits the standing dropkick followed by the circle stomp to Swagger’s limbs. A knee drop ends the circling and gets a two count.

Swagger comes back again and wraps Orton’s leg around the post. Back in and he loads up the ankle lock, only for Orton to roll out of the hold. They head back to the floor where Randy hits the Thesz Press and pounds on Jack’s head. Orton is all fired up now and hits a bit clothesline to put Swagger down again as we take a break.

Back with them in the ring and Orton pounding away on Jack’s head again. Swagger gets thrown to the apron for the Elevated DDT but Jack counters with a backdrop to send Orton to the outside again. Orton’s shoulder is sent into the post as Swagger finally gets an advantage. The shoulder goes into the steps as well which gets two back inside. A kind of powerslam puts Randy down and a kick to the head gets two. Off to a double arm trap by Swagger but Orton quickly elbows out.

Jack gets backdropped out to the floor as the mirroring of moves continues. Randy sends him ribs first into the barricade and they head back inside. Swagger hits a quick chop block and the Vader Bomb out of the corner for two. Josh talks about Smurfs for no apparent reason as Orton counters a suplex into one of his own. Swagger misses a charge into the post and Orton starts up his finishing sequence.

Jack blocks the backbreaker though and loads up the Vader Bomb. Orton pops up and kicks Jack in the ribs so that the second attempt at the backbreaker works. There’s the Elevated DDT but Colter pulls Swagger to the floor before the RKO can hit. Jack pokes Randy in the eye and grabs a quick rollup (just like Sunday) for the pin at 13:26 shown of 16:56.

Rating: B. I was really digging this match by the end with the counters and mirroring each others’ moves. Swagger winning with the same thing he did on Sunday was a nice touch and the match came off really well. While it was cheating that won the match for Swagger, it wasn’t big time cheating which makes him look a bit stronger than a usual nefarious pin would have. Good stuff here.

The replay shows Swagger had a foot on the bottom rope too.

If you haven’t gotten enough recaps tonight, here’s the segment from Raw with Vince saying that he’s fighting Heyman on Monday and that Brad Maddox is the new assistant to Vickie.

The Miz vs. Cody Rhodes

On the way to the ring, Cody talks about having a mustache. Scratch that actually as it’s a lovestache. Cody takes him to the mat to start and sends Miz’s bad shoulder into the buckle to take over. Off to a quick shoulder lock but Miz fights up. Cody calmly hits him in the shoulder again though and takes control right back.

Miz comes back with some shots to the ribs but Cody hits a knee to the head for two. Back to the arm hold by Rhodes for a bit until Miz fights up and hits a big boot to the face. Miz misses a charge into the corner and hits his shoulder again so Cody loads up the Alabama Slam. Miz slides out though and trips Cody down. The Figure Four (a decent one too) gets the submission for Miz at 3:54.

Rating: D+. I know he’s gotten better at it, but man alive the Figure Four does not suit Miz. Also there was zero leg work done at all until the very end of the match which makes Cody look even weaker. On top of that, didn’t we see this match twice in the last week and a half? As I said with the opening match, repeating the same match over and over again doesn’t make it interesting. It makes me want to not pay attention.

Wade Barrett vs. Alberto Del Rio

Non-title. I saw this match at a house show about a week and a half ago and liked what I saw so hopefully this holds up. Before the match here’s Swagger to scout Del Rio. Barrett goes for a wristlock to start but Alberto kicks him in the leg to break it up. Wade stops to yell at Ricardo, allowing Del Rio to fire off some kicks to the ribs. Barrett is sent to the floor where he goes after Ricardo, allowing Del Rio to take him out with a baseball slide.

We take a break and come back with Barrett pounding away before he shoves Alberto off the ropes and out to the floor. After sending Del Rio into the steps we head back inside for a chinlock. Back up and Barrett hits the pumphandle slam for two followed by the big boot to Del Rio while he’s in the ropes. A few elbow drops get a two count on Alberto and it’s back to the chinlock. Alberto fights up again though and hits a quick middle rope dropkick to put Barrett down.

The tilt-a-whirl backbreaker hits Barrett and Del Rio is all fired up. He hits the low superkick for two as we keep cutting back to Swagger and Colter. Alberto gets a running start but charges into the Winds of Change for two. Wasteland is countered and Del Rio sends him into the corner for a Backstabber, getting two. Swagger starts coming down the aisle and Barrett uses the distraction to get a fast rollup with a handful of trunks for two. I thought that was it. A big boot puts Alberto down but the Bull Hammer misses. The cross armbreaker goes on and Barrett taps out at 8:46 shown of 12:16.

Rating: C+. These two have a good chemistry together and the match here worked pretty well. Swagger coming down didn’t really add anything but I don’t think it was supposed to. Above all else though: this was a fresh matchup. It’s so annoying to see the same people fight each other over and over, so having these two go at it for the first time on TV was a nice touch.

Swagger and Del Rio stare at each other to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The wrestling on here was decent and there were two quite good matches, but the recaps CRIPPLED this show. I don’t need 20 minutes of a two hour show being spent on stuff that I’ve already seen. That being said, odds are a lot of this show won’t mean much because of Swagger being a lunkhead after the show was over. Decent show, but good grief if I wanted to know what happened on Raw, I WOULD FREAKING WATCH RAW!

Results

Sheamus b. Damien Sandow – Brogue Kick

Layla/Kaitlyn b. Tamina Snuka/Aksana

Jack Swagger b. Randy Orton – Rollup

The Miz b. Cody Rhodes – Figure Four

Alberto Del Rio b. Wade Barrett – Cross Armbreaker

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Now THIS is a stacked class…..on top at least.Steve Austin

Steve Austin is a yes.  Moving on.

Ricky Steamboat

This is turning into a boring post.  Ricky Steamboat might be the greatest pure good guy in wrestling history and put on some of the greatest matches in wrestling history, including arguably the best match of all time.  I’ve heard people say he might be the best in ring performer ever, and I think I’ve proven my point by now.  Steamboat is a yes.

The Funks

This would be Terry and Dory Jr.  About two and a half years ago, I was lucky enough to get to meet Mick Foley at a book signing.  Someone asked him who he thought was the greatest wrestler of all time and he almost immediately said Terry Funk, based on how he can go from one style to another like it was no trouble at all.  What people often forget is that Terry Funk held the NWA World Title in the 70s for well over a year.  That’s in addition to all the hardcore stuff that he’s done since he first announced his retirement, THIRTY YEARS AGO.  Dory has even more success with titles, as he held the same NWA World Title for over four years, which is the second longest reign in title history.  The Funks are in with ease.

The Von Erichs

No specific Von Erich but rather the entire family (Fritz, Kevin, David, Kerry, Mike and Chris).   This is where I start to have problems with this class.  At the end of the day, I don’t think I would put any of the individual Von Erichs into the Hall of Fame other than MAYBE Fritz or Kerry.  Some of the other ones barely ever wrestled and when they did it was very low quality stuff.  The Von Erichs were huge in the 80s but after that they (literally) started dying off in a hurry.  I can’t go with this one as there’s just not enough there other than a great run in Texas for a few years.

Bill Watts

This is one of those that I’m really not sure about.  He did indeed have a very solid run as a booker in Mid-South, but when he got to the big time in WCW, things fell apart in a hurry.  As a wrestler he was a solid territory guy and the reports on his racism issues are all over the place to the point where it’s hard to tell how true they are.  Even if he was, that doesn’t really make a difference as far as talking about someone’s greatness.  At the end of the day though, I don’t think I can say yes to him, although it’s not a vehement no.

Howard Finkel

Oh come on.  IT’S THE FINK.  How in the world do you expect me to say no to the guy whose voice is synonymous with with WWF?  If the Fink isn’t in the Hall of Fame, there’s no point in having one.  Easy yes.

Koko B. Ware

This is the name that people point to when they want to show that the Hall of Fame has nothing to do with in ring accomplishments.  Off the top of your head, name something that Koko did that meant anything on a large scale.  He was somewhat something of note in the USWA/Memphis wrestling but other than that, the guy is famous for having a bird as a pet.  Koko is a no, although he did have a SWEET missile dropkick.

This is like an upside down egg: big on top, terrible on the bottom.

Now this is a headliner.Ric Flair

This is another one that does not need an explanation.  Ric Flair is a yes vote.

Peter Maivia

Based on everything I can tell, Maivia is on this list because his grandson agreed to induct him.  That grandson would be named the Rock and he hadn’t appeared on anything associated with WWE in years.  Maivia didn’t do much on the national stage but he wasn’t really around in the time of a national promotion.  At the end of the day though, I don’t think there’s enough on his resume to be in the Hall of Fame.  He was a talented wrestler, but he’s just not that great overall.

Rocky Johnson

Also inducted by the Rock, Johnson at least has a stronger body of work than his dad did.  Johnson was part of the Soul Patrol with Tony Atlas who were the first black world tag team champions.  Allegedly Johnson was going to be the top guy in the company before Hogan showed up and took the spot instead.  Other than that Johnson isn’t incredibly famous for his work in the ring, but he was a pretty big deal in the early 80s.  Again though, as for being in the Hall of Fame I’m thinking no.  The problem at the end of the day is that Rock inducting both he and Maivia seemed to be the whole reason for them getting in, and that’s not a good thing.

Mae Young

Young was a big deal back in the old days of women’s wrestling, but the problem is it’s still women’s wrestling.  No matter how you look at it, women’s wrestling has almost always been seen as a side show to its male counterpart.  Now that being said, it certainly doesn’t take away what Young has accomplished.  When you consider that Young was in her late 70s when she debuted in WWE and is still a fun attraction today, it’s hard to say she doesn’t belong in the WWE Hall of Fame.  If nothing else for the stuff she’s allowed the cameras to film her doing.

Eddie Graham

Graham is a name that most of you likely don’t know, but to say he was influential is an understatement.  Basically, think of a modern booking idea or technique.  The odds are that Graham thought of it first and someone stole it from him.  He was also a wrestler with a lot of success, but he’s far more famous as a booker than a wrestler.  Graham ran Championship Wrestling From Florida for many years, (Wrestlemania was held in Orlando this year).  Graham was one of the most versatile minds in wrestling history and easily belongs in any wrestling Hall of Fame.

Gordon Solie

Speaking of Florida, Solie was commentator on CWF for years.  He was known as the Dean of Professional Wrestling and made Jim Ross look like a hack when it came to calling matches.  Solie called matches for the better part of ever and was always entertaining to listen to.  He’s kind of like your local baseball commentator: he just feels right to listen to.  This is another layup for any wrestling Hall of Fame.

The Brisco Brothers

It’s a shame that Jerry is only remembered as one of the Stooges because he was amazing in the ring in his day.  Jerry was much more famous as a tag wrestler but he was excellent in the ring no matter what he did.  he was also an amateur champion and could hang on the mat with anyone.  That being said, he paled in comparison to his brother Jack.  Jack Brisco isn’t that well known by the modern generation but he’s one of the very best wrestlers that ever lived.  He was a two time world champion back in the days when that was still a huge deal.  The Briscos are both yes votes, but Jack is an emphatic one.

This isn’t the best class in the world.  The main appeal of this class was one of the presenters rather than the wrestlers and it’s one of the classes that make you scratch your head at some of the selections.  Still though, it has Flair and Brisco so I can’t complain much.

It may be weaker at the top but it’s very strong throughout.

Dusty Rhodes

While not much in the WWE, he was HUGE elsewhere and one of the most influential people in the history of wrestling.  If you want to talk about someone who is a lifer in wrestling, Rhodes is a good place to start.  He debuted 45 years ago and is still active in wrestling today.  Think about that for a minute.  That’s a LONG time to do anything, let alone be in wrestling.  Rhodes is a yes, and if you’re not familiar with some of his stuff from the 70s, look it up.  It’s far different than what he’s most famous for.

Curt Hennig

Hennig is one of those guys where the more I see of him, the more I’m impressed by him.  He had nearly unlimited talent and one of the best gimmicks in wrestling history.  Hennig came as close to living up to the name Mr. Perfect as you could get and the various sports vignettes he had were some of the best promos ever.  He never won the WCW or WWF World Title but he had a year long reign as AWA World Champion which is still solid enough to count for something.  This is another easy yes.

Jerry Lawler

Lawler is another guy that is legendary in the indies and one in particular, but he’s equally if not even more famous for being the co-voice of Monday Night Raw and therefore the WWF as a whole.  Lawler has been doing commentary for about twenty years now as well as still wrestling occasionally.  He’s never won a title in the WWE but he’s never needed to.  Lawler has long since been at the level where his reputation is safe no matter what he does.  Lawler is another yes and one of the few people who would make it into both the WWE Hall of Fame and any other wrestling Hall of Fame as well.

Nick Bockwinkel

This is another name that isn’t that well known by a lot of young fans but he certainly should be.  Bockwinkel was the father of the smart heel, as he was very crafty but also very skilled in the ring.  Before him, most heels were monsters that a hero would have to vanquish.  Bockwinkel came along and changed the entire idea, showing that heels could win with their minds instead of brute force.  He’s very similar to Ted DiBiase in that regard, which makes him a very influential man indeed.  He held the AWA World Title for over eight years combined and the tag titles for over three years.  That alone makes him an easy yes vote.

Mr. Fuji

I love Mr. Fuji!  (Five points if you get that reference)  This one might surprise you.  Fuji was a pretty lame manager, but he was a very accomplished tag wrestler.  He was a five time WWF Tag Team Champion and holds the record for most days spent as a tag team champion.  He held a tag title for 932 days.  Billy Gunn is second at 916 and had twice as many reigns.  The next place down is over seven months shorter.  Fuji managed Demolition during a large portion of their record tag title run and also managed Yokozuna to the WWF Title.  On top of all that, he was in FUJI FREAKING VICE (look that up if you want some old school hilarity).  I was thinking no at first but a little research says he belongs in the Hall of Fame.

Jim Ross

If Jerry Lawler is in, Jim Ross has to be in too.  He’s been the voice of the WWE for what seems like ever now and he continues to be a great commentator.  His acting isn’t exactly top notch half the time and he can be more than a little annoying, but the best way I can sum up JR is this: he and Lawler on commentary just feels right.  Ross was also a force behind the scenes as he was VP of talent relations for a long time.  He’s a jack of all trades in wrestling and again I have no problem with him being inducted.

The Sheik

Not the Iron Sheik but just the Sheik.  This is a guy you probably haven’t heard of but if you’re a fan of ECW or Mick Foley or Terry Funk, you need to research this guy.  He’s arguably the father of hardcore wrestling in the US and was legendary in his main territory of Detroit.  Sheik also trained Raven and Sabu, which may or may not be a good thing in your eyes.  As for being in the Hall of Fame, this is more of a personal issue but I’m saying no.  Hardcore wrestling has done more to hurt wrestling than anything else and Sheik introduced the style to the world.  I’m saying no based on that alone.

The Wild Samoans

This is the team that started the entire tradition in the wrestling world.  From The Rock to Yokozuna to Rosey to Roman Reigns, it all started here.  The Wild Samoans were a very successful tag team and won multiple tag titles over the years.  Afa also has been a successful trainer and trained Mickey Rourke for the movie The Wrestler.  This is another team that is a yes, although there are a few other teams I would put in over them.

This is one of the most stacked classes from top to bottom ever and probably the best one yet with no huge negatives.

Apparently Swagger was arrested last night after the Smackdown tapings on an undisclosed traffic offense.  No word on if alcohol was involved or not or if this is legit or storyline based.  I don’t see any indication that it’s an angle though.  Also no word on what this means for Wrestlemania.  It’s still early enough to change the match if need be.

Update: Apparently it was DUI and possession of marijuana.  Bye bye Wrestlemania.  Nice going Jack.

http://www.wwe.com/classics/history-wwe-championship-26092271

This was posted after the new title was unveiled.  There’s some cool history stuff in there.  Unfortunately it’s a slide show rather than a full on history of the championship.  It would be nice to see someone talk about every title change and various other important matches in its history……wouldn’t it?

I’ve read this elsewhere and it’s a good question:Are we supposed to be cheering for illegal immigrants?  Swagger and Colter are clearly the heels, so we’re supposed to cheer people they hate right?  Who is this character supposed to appeal to?  Immigrants?  Republicans?  The Tea Party?  Fans in general?  It’s interesting but rather head scratching at the same time.  Also if he wants to taker America back from foreigners that look and sound different from him, shouldn’t he want to take the US Title from the European who speaks five languages?

Elimination Chamber 2012
Date: February 19, 2012
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Jerry Lawler

This is the final stop on the Road to Wrestlemania, or the beginning of the road, depending on how you look at it. The even money would seem to be on both of the champions retaining here but you can never be sure. I mean, Santino is scheduled to be in this match so how sure can you be? Let’s get to it.

The opening video is exactly what you would imagine it is.

The Chamber is lowered.

Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Chris Jericho vs. R-Truth vs. The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston

Jericho enters last due to winning a match on Raw two weeks ago. Punk and Kofi start us off. Naturally the two faces wrestle as faces. Also they’re not going to use a lot of energy this early in the match. Kofi goes to the ropes but might have slipped a bit. It was nothing bad though. They trade pinfall reversals and Kofi avoids the GTS. Punk avoids the Boom Drop and they go to the outside. Well as to the outside as you can go.

Punk blocks a kick and slingshots Kofi into the pod which has a great thud sound effect. Back into the ring but Punk has hurt his hip. It was probably due to that time when he got slammed out on the chain and landed on his hip, but that’s just speculation. Here’s the first pod opening and it’s…..a guy in pink trunks. The new idea they want to push is that it can go from a one on one match to a triple threat and so on. Great, another thing to have drilled into our heads.

Ziggler goes after Punk and does pullups on the Chamber wall. He splashes Kofi back in the ring and we’re told that pins have to take place in there. Good thing to clarify. A splash attempt on Punk misses and everyone is in some trouble. Punk and Kofi double team Dolph and go to the outside for a double springboard. In a cool looking visual, they both dive at Dolph but collide in the air off the springboards due to Dolph ducking.

Dolph can’t cover though so we open pod #2 after about three minutes. It’s R-Truth who works on the pink one. He’s no Bret Hart. Truth knocks Ziggler over the ropes to send Dolph leg first into the cage. Truth dives on top of him because he’s not that smart all the time. Scissors kick gets two in the ring. Punk does his usual ramming his head into the other guy’s ear to call a spot before superplexing Truth for two.

Trouble in Paradise misses Punk and Kofi gets thrown to the outside. Macho Elbow eliminates Truth but Ziggler grabs a rollup. Punk rolls through it and Kofi hits the kick on Punk (looked SICK). Ziggler goes after Kofi of course but Kofi fights him off. He can only get two on the champ though due to the delay. Kofi does the springboard into the Spider-Man cage grab then hits a tornado DDT Dolph onto the cage, basically knocking him silly.

Here’s Miz in fifth to clean house. Everyone is down now so Miz covers Dolph, getting two. Kofi gets up on the ropes and kicks Miz in the face but is knocked off and crashes into the cage. GTS and Finale are both blocked so Miz hits the short DDT for two. They head to the mat and Punk grabs the Vice on Miz, but wouldn’t you know it, Jericho comes in to break it up before the tap.

Jericho and Punk square off with Jericho in control. Walls and GTS are both blocked but the Lionsault hits for two. Ziggler comes back in and walks into the Codebreaker to get us down to four (Punk, Jericho, Miz, Kofi). Punk catches a Jericho dropkick and catapults Chris out to the cage again. Jericho gets rammed into the pods so he gets a finger into Punk’s eye and hides in the pod. That works for about two seconds as Punk follows him in.

Punk’s arm gets caught in the door and Jericho pulls on it to ram Punk into the pod door. Kofi remembers that he’s alive and tries the SOS on the cage, driving his own head into the cage. Miz and Kofi are the only ones up now but Miz misses the running clothesline and Kingston goes up. A superplex is countered as Punk powerbombs Miz for two. Kofi climbs to the top of the pod and dives onto both of them but can’t pin Miz.

Jericho comes in and Liontames Kofi for the elimination to get us down to three. He beats on Kofi after the elimination and throws him out of the Chamber. Punk kicks Jericho out of the Chamber and he’s unconscious. The referees say he’s done and say he’s not responsive. I’m REALLY not liking them doing this a week after what happened to Sorensen. The cameraman is down too but sits up a few seconds later.

Back in the ring Miz tries the Reality Check but Punk counters with a high kick for two. The running knee and bulldog get two but Punk springboards into the Finale for two. Miz freaks out and talks a lot of trash in the corner but misses a charge, hitting his head on the pod. GTS puts him out at 32:39 and I guess Jericho isn’t running in as a surprise since it’s over.

Rating: C+. The Chamber is one of those matches that gets an automatic higher grade to start. This was one of the weaker ones I can remember. For me the problem is that the main feud in this, Jericho and Punk, has no heat on it and there’s zero reason for this to be in the Chamber. They were the only two that had a chance in this but their feud has just begun with nothing but a run-in by Jericho, a promo and some staring. That’s the problem that these calendar based PPVs present and that looks like how the future will be.

We recap Santino getting his spot in the Chamber.

Santino drinks Raw eggs to Eugene’s music and with a towel that looks like it has the All That logo on it.

Remember those overly long videos on Rock and Cena? Here’s another one, this time on Cena’s training regimen and the gym he goes to. Some developmental guys work out there. This one wastes four minutes of PPV time.

Divas Title: Tamina Snuka vs. Beth Phoenix

Beth is wearing something inspired by Piper. This match could be subtitled “How many times can we remind you that Tamina is Jimmy Snuka’s daughter in a last ditch effort to make you care about her”. Tamina goes up quickly but gets knocked down to the outside. Beth pounds on her and Tamina barely gets back inside. Tamina gets up and hits a Samoan Drop but the Splash is broken up. Superplex gets two for Beth and Tamina chops her down. Superfly Splash gets two. Tamina goes up again but Beth brings her down, sends her into the buckle and the Glam Slam retains the title at 7:00.

Rating: D+. Call me sexist, call me a chauvinist, call me whatever you want, but I’m bored out of my mind every time the Divas are on screen. They’re waiting on Beth vs. Kharma which basically means they’re spending a year putting the whole division on hold, but at the end of the day is anyone going to care? I mean, who is Kharma going to feud with once she beats Beth? The division means nothing and it’s so uninteresting. The US Title can’t get on PPV because we have to see this. Right.

Santino punches some meat.

Jericho can’t talk.

Here’s Ace for his big announcement. He’s the Raw interim GM and he’s heard complaints about Smackdown’s GM Teddy Long. And never mind as here’s Alberto Del Rio! He says Teddy is a dog and likes to play favorites. Alberto wants Ace to be permanent Raw GM and the GM of Smackdown too. That brings out Henry who Cole thought was suspended (wasn’t he on Smackdown this week?).

Henry thinks Teddy is a bully who physically assaulted him. He supports the idea of Ace as permanent GM of both shows. Here’s Christian in a hat. Christian says that Teddy has been negligent and Smackdown is an unsafe working environment. He endorses Ace for GM as well. Ace has a picture taken of all four of them and then a second one. Now one with Otunga in it as well. And that’s that.

Santino runs some steps.

The Chamber is lowered. As in the ambulance match is main eventing ELIMINATION CHAMBER instead of an ELIMINATION CHAMBER.

Big Show says he has to win tonight.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Great Khali vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Santino Marella vs. Wade Barrett

Barrett and Big Show start in the ring. Show runs Barrett over to start but Barrett gets him down for one. They go outside and Show gets rammed into the cage door twice. Wade goes after the knee but Show kicks him off. We get a statement from Lawler saying that if you’re knocked out (like Jericho was) that counts as a submission. Why do I have a feeling this won’t be enforced later? Show wants Bryan as the buzzer goes off but gets Cody instead. Show is standing there waiting on him and things slow down a lot.

Cody gets thrown to the outside while Barrett is thrown back inside. Chokeslam to Barrett is countered and Wade chop blocks Show down. Cody and Barrett team up on Show and start fighting a few seconds later. Santino comes in fourth and after he hits his usual stuff, Show runs him over. Cody takes Show down by the knee though as the fans chant for Santino.

Barrett and Cody double suplex Show onto the steel to put him down. Cody hits the moonsault to Barrett and goes after Santino. No one is out yet. Rhodes rams the Cobra hand into the cage and Khali is in fifth. Chops and clotheslines for both heels and the Punjabi Plunge to Rhodes. One to Barrett as well and a chop to Santino. The giants face off and Show spears Khali for an elimination about 40 seconds after Khali entered.

Show keeps staring at Bryan and then even tries to reach in and grab him. He breaks the chains on the pod and has broken through. Bryan demands the door be opened but Show has broken in and climbed through the top. The place ERUPTS for this. The clock goes off to release Bryan but they’re both inside the pod. Bryan manages to get out but Show does the required breaking the plexiglass spot. You know, THE SAME THING THAT HAPPENS EVERY YEAR.

Into the ring now and Show loads up the right hand. Oh wait it’s the chokeslam instead but Barrett kicks Show in the face before there’s a cover. Santino pops up for a quick rollup for two on Barrett but is then thrown to the outside. Cody hits two Beautiful Disasters to Show followed by a DDT. Barrett hits a middle rope DDT and Big Show is gone to a big reaction. So it’s Cody, Barrett, Bryan and Santino to go.

Make that three as Santino rolls up Cody to pin him. Cody hits Cross Rhodes to Santino. There’s Cody’s next feud I guess. Barrett covers Santino but it only gets two. Barrett hammers on him and ties Santino’s arms in the Chamber wall. The beating continues on Santino for awhile until Bryan gets back up with a flying knee to Barrett. Bryan goes up but Barrett knocks him part of the way into it again by the back of the head.

Barrett loads up Wasteland off the middle rope but Santino breaks it up because he’s an idiot. Santino tries a superplex but gets shoved off. He avoids an elbow and Bryan hits a top rope headbutt, allowing Santino to steal the pin, meaning he’s eliminated Cody Rhodes and Wade Barrett. Bryan is very happy to see what he’s up against as it’s one on one now. It turns into a cat and mouse game and Santino even gets the Cobra for two. The LeBell Lock goes on and Santino taps at 33:57.

Rating: B-. Better match with better drama, but at the end of the day this wasn’t that great. Khali being out quick was fine but I have some real issues with them jobbing out their heels AGAIN for the sake of a one off thing. Barrett was this evil violent and cunning man and he loses to Santino. The same for the longest reigning IC Champion in 8 years. And for what? A pop because they can’t put the freaking US Champion in there? Ok I’m shutting up before I go too long with this. Match was ok, but nothing great.

Here’s Sheamus post match who takes Bryan out.

Time for unfunny comedy with Natalya. Cheese is present. Horny says that jack cheese is his favorite. Jack Swagger gets a cameo with Vickie, prompting a cottage cheese line. Justin Gabriel gets in Jack’s face so Teddy makes our filler match. Jack says that one man should run both shows. Teddy agrees but says it should be him. The match is for the title.

Buy Rock’s new DVD!

US Title: Jack Swagger vs. Justin Gabriel

Please change the title. Swagger controls to start and hits the Vader Bomb for no cover. Gabriel gets in some basic offense but Swagger grabs the ankle lock and wins by submission at 3:00. Of all the matches I’ve ever seen added to a PPV to fill in time, this was one of them.

Undertaker will be on Raw tomorrow.

We recap Cena vs. Kane. Kane wants Cena to embrace the hate, Cena says no. Kane does something bad to Cena to get him to embrace the hate, Cena says no. Kane does something bad to Cena then hurts Ryder to get him to embrace the hate, Cena says no. Kane does something bad to Cena then hurts Ryder then makes Cena make out with a hot woman to get him to embrace the hate, Cena says no. Conclusion? Ambulance match, duh.

John Cena vs. Kane

You win by putting your opponent in the ambulance and having it driven out of the arena. You know Walt Disney was an ambulance driver in World War I when he was about 14. True story. Kane’s broken leg by Henry has been changed into a self imposed exile. Ok then. Cena charges to start and they head to the floor. They fight by the ambulance and use some of the stuff inside it as well.

Back to the ring and Kane goes into the steps but takes over anyway. Kane hits the side slam but Cena ducks the clothesline. He hits some of his signature stuff but the AA is countered into a smother. Cena goes down and is out cold so Kane throws him to the floor. He goes under the ring and pulls out a wheelchair. Well at least he’s making sure Cena is comfortable.

Cena escapes the chair and they fight to the ambulance again. Kane gets slammed into the vehicle and put into the chair. Cena rolls the chair into some production stuff. They fight into the tech area and Cena goes all beast mode. He asks Booker if this gets him a spot in the Fave Five and rams the steps into Kane’s head. John sets up the steps and tries to AA Kane through the table but Kane reverses into a chokeslam through it instead.

Kane goes up to the ambulance and gets a stretcher on wheels. Kane gets him in the ambulance but can’t close the second door. Cena kicks it into Kane’s face and they fight to the cab of the ambulance. John climbs onto the roof of the cab and then on top of the ambulance. They slug it out up there and Cena AA’s Kane off the ambulance into a conveniently placed area we can’t see. At least you couldn’t see the crash pad. He puts Kane in, closes the doors and it’s over at 21:21.

Rating: C+. The match was ok but it wasn’t great at all. Why this finished the show rather than one of the title matches is beyond me, unless something changes after the match. Cena winning was obvious and that’s fine. At least it ends this horrible storyline for good (in theory).

Overall Rating: D. Let’s see. The namesake match didn’t main event the show, the world titles didn’t change, the presumptive Mania matches are exactly what we thought they would be, and Cena wins again. Why exactly did this show exist again? I really didn’t like this one at all and it feels like WWE is being dragged into Mania instead of hitting it head on. They really need to crank things up before the PPV because in my eyes, what they’re doing heading into it isn’t working.

Results
CM Punk b. The Miz, Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston, Chris Jericho and R-Truth – Punk last eliminated The Miz after a GTS
Beth Phoenix b. Tamina Snuka – Glam Slam
Daniel Bryan b. Great Khali, Big Show, Wade Barrett, Cody Rhodes and Santino Marella – Bryan last eliminated Marella with the LeBell Lock
Jack Swagger b. Justin Gabriel – Ankle Lock
John Cena b. Kane – Cena put Kane in the ambulance

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