Kind of at least.Ziggler won a Beat the Clock challenge tonight but since he made out with AJ in front of Vickie, he has to pick either #1 or #2. Odds are he’ll be in there either about two minutes or close to forty five.
People have been wanting this and now they got it. I didn’t expect they would actually go there but it’s definitely something interesting to see. I still think Rock wins the title on Sunday but they’ve definitely made it more interesting now.
As per this video on WWE.’s Youtube channel.
Any predictions/matches/stiputlations you want to see?
……I have no idea what I just witnessed but I couldn’t stop looking at it.
Someone pointed this out to me recently.In 2012, there were more GM’s
Ace
Vickie
AJ
Teddy
Booker
than there were world champions
Punk
Bryan
Sheamus
Big Show
If you throw in other authority figures
Ryder
Eve
Otunga
Santino
it’s even worse.
I know titles changes less frequently anymore, but this says a lot about how often the power turns over in WWE. There are WAY too many people that can make matches (for those of you that insist on being annoying, when I say make matches I mean anyone who comes out and says “this match is taking place because I/someone who I work for says so”) and WAY too much time is spent on the segments that make said matches.
Royal Rumble 2007
Date: January 28, 2007
Location: AT&T Center, San Antoino, Texas
Attendance: 13,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Joey Styles, John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole
We’re back in Texas here and the main question is which Texas guy is winning the Rumble. The main change from last year is that ECW is around now and get to have seven guys in the Rumble because their roster isn’t deep enough to support ten. Other than that we’ve got Cena vs. Umaga in a last man standing match and Batista vs. Kennedy because Kennedy gets a lot of title shots. Let’s get to it.
This is the 20th Rumble so you know the theme of the opening video already. The other matches get a little hype as well but the Rumble dominates, as it should.
MNM vs. Hardys
Mercury had his face shattered at Armageddon in a ladder match and tonight is about revenge. Jeff is IC Champion here and Matt was given a Snapshot (MNM’s elevated DDT finisher) on the exposed concrete recently. Matt and Nitro start things off but it’s quickly off to Mercury. He goes for Matt’s dislocated jaw but lets Nitro back in for some shots to the ribs. Matt comes back with punches of his own to slow Mercury down in the corner.
Jeff comes in and speeds things up before hitting an atomic drop and legdrop to split the legs of Nitro. Back to Matt who is rubbing his face a lot. A neckbreaker gets two on Nitro but he comes back with a shot to Matt’s jaw to take him right back down. Mercury comes in and slugs away as Matt is playing Ricky Morton for a bit. Back to Nitro for some choking on the ropes and it’s already back to Joey.
Melina does that ear piercing scream of hers and Mercury goes after Matt’s jaw again. Off to a chinlock followed by a hair pull to send Matt to the mat again. Mercury goes to the middle rope but misses an elbow, allowing for the tags to Jeff and Nitro. The sitout gordbuster gets two as everything breaks down. A double suplex puts Nitro down and the Hardys go up for a legdrop from Matt and a splash from Jeff, but the latter hits knees on the way down.
Mercury comes in off the tag and gets two off a knee to the ribs. Nitro does exactly the same before sticking on the ribs for a bit more. Jeff grabs a quick rollup on the incoming Mercury but Joey goes right back to the ribs. Nitro comes in and does the same as MNM continues to keep tagging in and out very quickly. We hit a chinlock with a bodyscissors but Jeff fights out pretty quickly. He still can’t make the tag but finally backdrops Nitro down and makes the tag….which isn’t seen. I love that spot.
Jeff hits a mule kick to take Mercury down and FINALLY makes the hot tag to Matt. Things speed up a lot and Matt fires off elbows to everyone named M or N. A combination bulldog and clothesline takes MNM down for two followed by the yodeling elbow to the back of Nitro’s head. There’s Poetry in Motion to Mercury but one to Nitro misses, as Johnny grabs an Oklahoma Roll for two on Matt. The Side Effect puts Nitro down but Mercury spears Matt to the floor. As he went through the ropes though, Jeff made a blind tag and hits the Swanton on Nitro for the pin.
Rating: B. This took a long time to get going but it was building up to a nice finish. This was old school tag team stuff and that’s hard to screw up. MNM was getting a good rub off the Hardys who were as much of a nostalgia act as you could have at this point. Good stuff here and a hot opener, at least after the tag to Matt.
Coach and Teddy talk trash about brand dominance. Edge comes in to draw and runs into Kelly Kelly, who is an exhibitionist. Edge’s condescending talking to Kelly is hilarious stuff. Orton comes in to draw and threatens to throw his tag title partner out if need be. Edge: “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” Booker walks in and comedy ensues.
Wrestlemania promo. I liked that All Grown Up campaign.
ECW Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Test
Lashley won the title in December and Test is the warm body that he gets to crush in his first major defense. There’s a video package for this which is basically both guys beating up RVD to show how awesome they are. Test powers Lashley back into the corner so the champion comes out with a spear to take over again. Now Test tries to choke, so Lashley suplexes him down. Nice to see them sticking with the same formula. A delayed vertical suplex puts Test on the floor and the champion follows him.
Test sends Lashley into the barricade to take over and we head back in for a chinlock. He shifts into an armbar and hits a Stunner onto the arm for two. Lashley fights out of trouble and backdrops Test before hitting a three point stands shoulder in the corner. He tries a slam but the arm gives out, allowing Test to fire his one big weapon, the big boot, but it only gets two. Lashley pops up with a clothesline to send Test to the floor….and he walks out for the countout.
Rating: D. They needed to protect TEST? Seriously? Lashley doesn’t get to pin TEST clean? The match was dull stuff in the first place before a stupid ending like that. Lashley did what he could out there but Test was as much of a worthless musclehead as you could possibly ask for at this point.
Lashley pulls Test back in and beats him up, which makes you wonder WHY DID THEY NOT DO THIS BEFORE???
Cena gets his broken ribs looked at when Vince comes in to see if Cena wants to forfeit. Vince says he can’t see (get it?) Cena as champion after tonight….and that’s it. I don’t remember them having an issue at this point but whatever.
We recap Mr. Kennedy (Anderson) vs. Batista, which is just Kennedy winning a Beat the Clock challenge and having a great record against former world champions.
Smackdown World Title: Mr. Kennedy vs. Batista
Kennedy slaps Batista to start and takes over as he tries to tie Batista up. Batista slugs him down and gets two off a suplex and we head outside. Kennedy spears/shoves Batista into the steps, injuring Batista’s knee in the process. We get into a regular “hurt the big man’s knee” match which is the smartest thing they could do here. A reverse Figure Four has Batista in trouble but Kennedy gets caught holding the rope.
A running kick to Batista’s face in the corner has the champion in trouble again and a knee to the head gets two. Off to a half crab for a minute or so before Batista fights up and hits a spinebuster to put both guys down. Kennedy kicks him in the face but Batista Hulks Up. There’s a weak slam as the knee is giving out on the champion.
Batista hits a Regal Roll (Kennedy used that a lot) of all things but Kennedy hits the knee to break up the Batista Bomb. The referee gets bumped so there’s no one to count after Kennedy’s neckbreaker. A DDT gets two and JBL is LOSING IT. The fans chant for Kennedy as he goes to the middle rope, only to jump into a clothesline followed by a Batista Bomb to retain the title.
Rating: D+. The psychology was there from Kennedy but Batista didn’t really go along with it. I’m not saying he didn’t sell, but at the end of the day this was only eleven minutes long which isn’t enough time to tell the story they were going for. Also Kennedy didn’t have the Mic Check yet so he didn’t have anything to finish Batista with and everyone knew it. Not a bad match but they needed more than they had here.
Kevin Thorn draws his number. He and Ariel leave and Hornswoggle comes in to terrorize the tumbler. Apparently he’s in the Rumble too and attacks Coach for good measure. Khali comes in and scares Horny off. Kelly makes a stupid joke about holding balls, drawing in Ron Simmons for his usual line.
The Marine is on DVD.
Wrestlemania is coming and Saliva, the band that does the theme song, is in the front row.
We recap Cena vs. Umaga. Cena escaped the last PPV with the title and gave Umaga his first loss so tonight it’s last man standing. Cena is coming into this with bad ribs.
Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Umaga
Cena is defending and this is last man standing. Cena pounds away to start but Umaga barely moves. Umaga gets in a shot to the ribs and Cena falls to the outside, clutching his ribs. The champ gets sent into the steps and it’s all Umaga in the early going. They slug it out in the aisle and all of a sudden Cena’s punches work better. He tries to ram Umaga face first into the apron but Umaga screams and hits Cena in the ribs again.
Back in and Cena is in even more trouble with Umaga pounding on the ribs. A clothesline puts Cena down and Umaga brings in the steps. Cena knocks him off the apron though and throws the steps down onto Umaga’s (hands covering) head. It looked a lot better when Kane did it because you couldn’t see the hands but whatever. That draws a six count but more importantly it allows Cena to get a breather.
Umaga superkicks Cena down and it’s off to a bearhug. Since there are no submissions, Umaga lets Cena go and brings in some more steps. The steps are set up in the corner but Cena avoids the running hip attack (SEE??? IT WAS UMAGA AND NOT RIKISHI!!! SCREW YOU WWE ANNOUNCERS!!!) and blasts Umaga in the head with the steps. That only gets seven so Cena goes up and jumps into a spinning Rock Bottom, drawing some loud screams from the champ.
The Samoan cannonballs down onto Cena’s ribs but Cena finally knees him in the crotch to slow Umaga down. The Protobomb sends Umaga onto the steps but only gets about five as Cena hits the Shuffle to break the count. Cena tries the FU but Umaga’s weight causes Cena to fall face first into the steps. John is busted open so the fans tell him that he sucks. Ignore the fact that almost no one else could get a match this good out of Umaga I guess.
Cena gets up at eight and gets punched in the face some more, only to start Hulking Up. He pounds away on Umaga but walks into a Samoan Drop, driving the ribs and Cena’s shoulder into the mat. The Samoan Spike is blocked (for the life of me I do not get why they picked a thumb to the neck for Umaga’s finisher. The guy is a MONSTER and he pokes you in the neck?) so Umaga headbutts Cena down instead.
Umaga puts him in the Tree of Woe but Cena sits up in the corner to avoid a running headbutt. The top rope Fameasser takes Umaga down and Cena sends him shoulder first into the post. They head to the floor and Cena is covered in blood. With Umaga still laying over the ropes, Cena BLASTS HIM with a monitor to the head to put him down. Back to the floor but Umaga catches a diving Cena and drives him back first into the post.
Umaga puts Cena on the announce table and runs along the other tables, only to miss a splash and crash onto the ground. That gets nine and Cena has no idea what to do next. Estrada, Umaga’s manager, unhooks the top rope and tells Umaga to use the metal pole to blast Cena in the head. Cena catches a charging Umaga with the FU and hits him in the head with the pole. He hooks a kind of STF with the ring rope and Umaga is passing out. Umaga starts fighting up so Cena chokes him even more. FINALLY Umaga is out and Cena retains the title.
Rating: B+. This was a FIGHT which is what a last man standing match is supposed to do. I was digging the story they were telling here with Cena fighting a savage but having to become a savage himself to beat him. The fans didn’t like him at this point, but screw them as would you really rather have Umaga as champion? This was one of many awesome matches Cena had in this stretch, but OH NO kids like him so he must suck right? Give me a break.
Sandman draws his number and has a beer. Flair comes in to draw and gets hit on by Kelly. We get adult music and Extreme Expose comes in to dance with Flair, complete with club lighting. Not that I’m complaining about Layla, Brooke (Tessmacher) and Kelly dancing in barely there outfits, but WHY DID THAT HAPPEN???
Rumble video. Not much else to say here as I’m sure you get the idea by now. This is more of a history package than a hype video for this year. The theme of this year is how star studded it is. Seven guys are from ECW so I question this premise.
Royal Rumble
Flair is #1 (second time for that along with drawing #3 one year. He really doesn’t have a great record in these things) and Finlay is #2. Finlay drops Flair with a quick shoulder and we have ninety second intervals here. Flair chops away in the corner but gets backdropped down for his efforts. Kenny Dykstra of Spirit Squad fame and currently in a small feud with Flair is #3. Flair chops away at him in the corner and Finlay tries to dump Kenny.
Everyone hits everyone for awhile until Matt Hardy is #4. That’s a pretty diverse group of guys to start things off. The young and old guys pair off with Finlay and Kenny taking over. Matt takes over on Finlay and Edge is #5. Hardy avoids a spear and hits a Twist of Fate but gets taken down with a double clothesline with Kenny. Ric throws in a chair but Edge easily throws him out instead. Kenny tries to take credit despite doing nothing, so Edge throws him out too.
Tommy Dreamer is #6 and takes down Edge of all people before getting beaten up in the corner by Finlay. Sabu is #7 and actually doesn’t bring any weapons with him. Instead he finds a table under the ring and sets it up at ringside before going in to fight Dreamer. Nothing of note happens for now so here’s Gregory Helms at #8. Finlay is sent to the apron but he hangs onto the bottom rope.
The Irishman almost sends Sabu through the table but Sabu hangs on. Now Helms teases going through it but saves himself as well. Shelton Benjamin is #9 and goes for Hardy. Benjamin and Finlay both nearly go out but somehow both survive. They’ve teased that table being broken about five times already. Kane is #10 and immediately pounds away on everyone. There’s a chokeslam to Edge and an elimination for Dreamer and Sabu, the latter being chokeslammed through the table. Law of wrestling #1: you set up the table, you’re going through it.
CM Punk is #11 and is immediately called boring by JBL for not smoking and drinking. Finlay sends CM to the apron but can’t get him out. There’s the running knee to Edge’s head in the corner from Punk but again he can’t get an elimination. King Booker is #12 and dumps Helms pretty quickly. We’ve currently got Finlay, Hardy, Edge, Shelton, Kane, Booker and Punk.
Super Crazy is #13 and is knocked down by Kane before he can do much else. JBL mentions that Mil Mascaras owes him money, which he said on Raw a few months ago. I wonder if there’s something to that. Booker and Finlay go at it until Jeff Hardy is #14. The Hardys team up on Finlay (smart) before shifting over to Edge. Now they go after Kane for some reason and hit Poetry in Motion. Sandman is #15 and is gone in as many seconds thanks to Booker.
Jeff skins the cat to save himself and Orton is #16. Hopefully he and Edge (tag champions) can clear things out a bit. Yep there goes Super Crazy and Matt takes the backbreaker. Rated-RKO throws out both Hardys and things are a lot clearer now. Benoit is #17 and fires away chops at everyone. Finlay takes a German as Punk is teetering on the apron. Now Benjamin takes a German and RVD is #18.
Van Dam fires off kicks all around and Kane throws Booker out. Booker, ever the jerk, goes back in and throws out Kane. He beats on the Big Bald on the floor which didn’t set up a Mania match surprisingly enough. Viscera is #19 as things slow down a bit. We’ve got Finlay, Edge, Benjamin, Punk, Orton, Benoit, Van Dam and Viscera in there at the moment. Nitro is #20 and things are getting too full again.
Punk gets crushed in the corner by Viscera for awhile and Shelton hangs on by inches. That was impressive. Kevin Thorn is #21 and no one is really doing anything at the moment. Hardcore Holly is #22 and that’s not going to pick anything up. A bunch of guys go after Viscera and Shawn is #23. He’s in DX mode and you know he’s the hometown boy here. Shawn hits a Thesz Press on Finlay and clotheslines him out before superkicking Viscera, allowing a huge group of guys to dump him.
Shelton is gone at Shawn’s hands too. The ring is FINALLY cleared out a bit now until Masters is #24. Nitro goes up top like a schmuck and gets dumped by Benoit. Chavo Guerrero is #25 and Benoit dumps Thorn in the same fashion that he dumped Big Show in 04. Van Dam goes up, can’t find anyone to kick, and hops back down. MVP is #26 as Orton tries to dump Punk.
Nothing happens AGAIN until Carlito is #27. There are way too many people in the ring again. Shawn is sent to the apron but you know he’s not going out yet. Great Khali is #28 and swings his arms a lot on the way to the ring. The match stops as Khali gets in and he beats everyone down. Khali dumps Holly as Miz is #29. He lasts a good seven seconds and there’s only one man left. Van Dam is thrown out as are Punk and Carlito. Chavo gets dumped as well and Shawn gets chokebombed. Things look hopeless but heeeeeeeeeeere’s Taker at #30.
This gives us a final group of Edge, Orton, Michaels, MVP, Khali and Taker. Taker and Khali slug it out with everyone else down. The Dead Man finally puts Khali out with a clothesline and everyone else gets beaten down as well. MVP is eliminated and tries to get a chair but Orton takes it away and cracks Taker in the head with it. Edge tries to spear Orton down but gets scared off by the chair. Instead of going after Edge though, Orton hits the RKO on Shawn to send him down to the floor but not out.
Rated-RKO goes after Taker and we’re in a handicap match at this point. Taker fights back but can’t hit a double chokeslam. He can however hit a double clothesline while being busted open. Snake Eyes and the big boot drop Edge but as Taker goes to chokeslam Orton, Edge spears Taker down. A BIG chair shot to the head drops Taker again and it’s Conchairto time. Shawn comes back in and backdrops Orton out before superkicking Edge out to get us down to two.
The fans are WAY into this all of a sudden as Taker sits up. He looks over at Shawn and there’s the nipup. The showdown is on and Shawn pounds away in the corner to no avail. Shawn kicks the chair to the floor and gets launched into the corner so Taker can pound away even more. Shawn is knocked upside down in the corner but punches his way to safety. Shawn does a Flair Flip to the apron but Taker misses a big boot, sending HIM to the apron as well. Shawn charges into an elbow and both guys are back in.
A neckbreaker puts Taker down but Shawn can’t follow up. They slug it out and Taker kicks Shawn’s head off to take over again. Taker lifts him for a suplex and wisely puts him on the apron instead of down onto the mat. Shawn fights back and goes up, only to get crotched. Taker loads up a superplex but gets knocked down so Shawn can hit the flying elbow. Chin Music is caught and there’s a chokeslam but Taker can’t follow up. The tombstone is countered into a superkick and both guys are down again. Taker catches another superkick and dumps Shawn to the floor, nearly silencing the fans in the process.
Rating: C+. The ending stuff starting with Khali cleaning house until Taker dumps Shawn out is GREAT, but until then it’s pretty dull with way too much laying around and too many people in there. The ending here is pretty questionable too as Shawn is in his hometown and would wind up being in the actual main event of Mania anyway. Taker would beat Batista for the Smackdown Title, which makes you wonder why they didn’t have Shawn win for the big hometown win here, as the results literally would have been THE EXACT SAME THING. Not a great Rumble at all but the ending helps it a lot.
Overall Rating: C+. There are two long matches here and both of them are solid enough so I can’t complain much here. The stuff that is good is good and the stuff that is bad is bad, so while it’s not terrible, this definitely isn’t a must see show. Shawn and Taker are of course great together and would have some masterpieces at Mania in the coming years, but they couldn’t make this a great show on their own.
Ratings Comparison
Hardys vs. MNM
Original: B-
Redo: B
Bobby Lashley vs. Test
Original: D-
Redo: D
Batista vs. Mr. Kennedy
Original: B-
Redo: D+
John Cena vs. Umaga
Original: C
Redo: B+
Royal Rumble
Original: B
Redo: C+
Overall Rating
Original: B
Redo: C+
Man I REALLY liked that ending last time. I have no idea what I was thinking on the world title matches though.
Here’s the original review if you’re interested:
http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/26/royal-rumble-count-up-2007-the-best-spot-finally-wins/
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews
Yesterday I watched Edge vs. Ziggler from the 2011 Rumble. I just finished Punk vs. Ziggler from the 2012 Rumble. On Monday I saw Cena vs. Ziggler on Raw. My conclusion:
Ziggler is the exact same worker he was two years ago. He hasn’t gotten any better other than having a superkick instead of the sleeper now. His talking has gotten a bit better, but at the end of the day he’s about 95% the same guy that he was back in 2011. That’s not a good sign for a guy who is allegedly the future of the company.
No Way Out 2006
Date: February 19, 2006
Location: 1st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 11,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
This is a show that is talked about a lot for one specific match but it’s really a two match show. The main event here is Angle vs. Taker for the title in what is one of the first real influences of MMA on this as more or less this is a striking vs. submission match and is considered an excellent match by almost everyone I’ve heard talk about it. I’ve never seen it all the way through though.
The other match here is Orton vs. Rey as Eddie’s push continues despite being, you know, dead. Eddie won the Royal Rumble so tonight we have Rey vs. Orton for Eddie’s Mania match. Orton had gone insane with his heel level, saying Eddie was burning. This is the match for Eddie’s Mania match. Other than that the show looks bad. Let’s get to it.
And since I can’t make a joke on here without some moron calling me out on this, yes, I know Rey won the Rumble and eventually the title at Mania. I say it was Eddie doing it because the vast majority of his angle and push was there because of Eddie and his death.
The opening video is all about those four guys, which makes sense as that’s all that this show meant at all.
Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Brian Kendrick vs. Funaki vs. Kid Kash vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London vs. Psicosis vs. Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Super Crazy
Yeah it’s a 9 way match. Helms is champion and ran his mouth so this is his punishment. The intros take nearly five minutes. Thankfully some guys come out together. No tagging here and it’s one fall to a finish. Who wants to bet that Helms escapes with the title? He won it last month so yeah I’m thinking he’s keeping it. Helms hides on the floor while the other eight guys pound on each other.
The Mexicools hits stereo planchas to take out London and Kendrick. Helms finally gets in and they all jump him as he more or less said he was better than all of them. Obviously I can’t go through every spot and type it up here as it’s a huge mess the whole way through. There are WAY too many people in there and it’s just wasting time until we get to the ending sequence.
Helms and Kash go at it for a bit which gets us nowhere. Helms is sent to the floor as this continues to be six or seven guys lay down while two or three do stuff. Kash gets a sweet rana to take down Psicosis on the floor. Londrick takes out Nunzio and Funaki and then do it again off the top to those same two plus Scotty. Helms misses the Shining Wizard and Crazy gets a big spin kick for two.
London hits Helms with a senton back splash that crushes Helms’ face. London gets kicked in the face by Scotty who then has to do the Worm on Helms. The long wait allows Psicosis to break it up. That should teach Scotty but it won’t of course because he’s a stupid man. Dead Level (brainbuster, but looks like a suplex here) from Kash hits Psicosis but Crazy hits a moonsault out of nowhere. Helms steals the pin to retain. Wow how shocked I am at that.
Rating: C-. Total meh match here. These multi-man matches are supposed to be insane and all that jazz and for the most part they are, but dude, NINE PEOPLE? There’s no way to follow is and it’s the living definition of a match with no flow because you can’t have any. It was ok, but WAY too many people out there which brought it down a lot.
Booker and Sharmell say Booker is injured and can’t defend his US Title tonight. Teddy doesn’t believe him. Since he’s got a midcard title, he’s facing Benoit which he did about 100 times. Sharmell begs to keep Booker out of the ring as does Booker. Teddy doesn’t care and the match is still on. Total waste of time.
Some overly perky chick that I don’t know wants to talk about Mania but Finlay cuts her off. He doesn’t have a fight tonight so he’s going to pick one. He picks up the chick and apparently she’s Krystal. That’s Lashley’s wife I believe. He comes out to the ring with her over his shoulder.
Yep here’s the Boss to save her and beat the crap out of Finlay for like two seconds. No mention of the marriage/girlfriend thing. Lashley has a match with JBL coming up so cue up that bell!
John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Bobby Lashley
Bradshaw sprints to the ring to beat up Lashley as Finlay bails and we start the match. He rams Lashley’s head into the buckle and Bobby shakes it off. JBL: “Oh dang it!” That was funny. Lashley is more or less brand new here so he’s the undefeated monster at this point. Jillian is JBL’s image consultant so she’s out there with him. Lashley gets a belly to belly overhead on the floor and JBL is in trouble.
You can tell JBL is more or less carrying this as Lashley just does power stuff. Loud JBL SUCKS chant. He actually manages to hit a top rope elbow for two. It looked horrible but imagine him going to the top and dropping an elbow. That’s pretty impressive. Lashley has had very little offense this whole match. They slug it out and Lashley manages to take over a bit.
Lashley gets caught in a sleeper though as the crowd falls asleep along with them. It’s weird to see that JBL towers over him for some reason. Not really sure why but it just kind of is. JBL goes up again and gets caught in a powerslam. That looked cool for some reason. Lashley busts out three straight belly to bellies. Ok make that four. That’s borderline Scott Steiner territory and that’s not a good thing.
Clothesline From JBL misses and Lashley gets two off a t-bone suplex. Finlay comes out and throws Tony Chimmel into the ring. With the distraction he gets the shillelagh into Lashley’s throat and the Clothesline From JBL ends this. Yes, a main event jobber is the guy to break the winning streak. Well sure why not.
Rating: D. The match was boring, the booking was stupid and the ending was bogus. Seriously, why should JBL, a year removed from being world champion and on the verge of becoming an announcer, get to beat Lashley for the first time? They couldn’t set up Lashley vs. Finlay later? This made my head hurt and the match was pretty boring on top of that. Just bad stuff.
JBL’s eye was busted open and it might be legit as I don’t remember him getting anything worthy of having it busted. Oh yeah that’s real.
They show Lashley leaving as I guess we’re supposed to be all caring here?
Ad for the Bret DVD, which is well worth seeing.
Big Time Mania ad. Big Time was the ad campaign that year and it sucked.
Chimmel brings out Batista who is out with an injury. He had to forfeit the title which Angle won in a battle royal. He says he’s going to keep this short and that he’s here for three reasons. Number one is he wants to see Angle vs. Taker. Second is he misses the fans and the audience. The third reason is his arm isn’t torn anymore. He wouldn’t be back until July so maybe it was a bit worse than he thought.
Orton is talking to Angle and says that he’ll be champion when Batista gets back. Angle doesn’t respect him apparently. Kurt more or less blows him off.
We see Josh with JBL at the interview area online and he has glasses and long hair. Weird.
MNM vs. Matt Hardy/???
This is an open challenge. MNM is Mercury, Nitro and Melina. Nitro is more famous as Morrison now. Matt took them up on it but we don’t know who the partner is. MNM are the Smackdown tag champions here so of course this is non-title. Here’s Matt, and here’s his partner.
MNM vs. Matt Hardy/Tatanka
This is like an indy show nightmare. Tatanka is in a non-title tag team match with Matt Hardy on PPV in 2006. WHAT THE HECK? Zero reaction as you probably would have guessed. Tatanka came back at the Rumble and would eventually turn heel and start a feud with Lashley before leaving before they had any contact. Hardy and Mercury start us off here.
Somehow Matt is the big star here. Off to Tatanka and Mercury is in trouble. Sweet goodness this is uninteresting beyond belief. Tazz: who’s going to challenge MNM. Cole: Matt Hardy and Tatanka? Point for Cole. Melina gets in Hardy’s face and slaps the heck out of him. Tatanka comes in to chop a lot. Melina rakes his eyes and MNM takes over again. Sweet merciful crap this is boring.
The heels double team Tatanka as I want to find a bag to put over my head to avoid having to watch this. Suffocation is sounding good right now. You can hear Hardy calling Tatanka Chris which probably isn’t the best thing in the world to hear. Tatanka catches Mercury coming off the top in an atomic drop but Nitro comes in to keep the tag from happening. And that completely fails as Matt comes in a few seconds later.
Matt cleans house as this is still completely uninteresting. Twist of Fate is blocked and Nitro gets a superkick to Hardy. Both members of MNM have been in the ring for like a minute and Tatanka doesn’t seem to mind his partner doing double duty. Back to Tatanka and we get stereo Twist of Fate and Papoose To Go to end this. Was there ANY point to this at all?
Rating: D. It was boring, it wasn’t interesting, and Tatanka was the best they could come up with? Was Shannon Moore not available? Somehow he would have been a better choice. This was just awful as the fans didn’t care and this went nowhere at all. I can’t even say it was short as it went over ten minutes. Bad match.
The first hour and 15 minutes of this have absolutely sucked if you didn’t get that.
Another Mania ad.
We recap the US Title match. Booker was champion and Benoit got a best of seven series (which they did in WCW for the TV Title) for the title. Booker was hurt for the majority of it though so Benoit kept fighting Orton as a substitute. Orton won the series to keep the title on Booker. I never got what Orton got out of it. Benoit beat Finlay to get another shot then had to win another fatal fourway with JBL, Hardy and Jordan to finally get the shot. Ok so apparently the title was vacant and the series decided it. Makes a bit more sense.
US Title: Booker T vs. Chris Benoit
Before the match we waste more time as Booker says there’s no title match tonight and wants Teddy out here. Apparently he still isn’t healthy. Booker says he’s going to forfeit the title and Benoit gets it. What the heck? He leaves and Benoit grabs a mic shouting COWARD. Sharmell gets in his face and slaps him then does it again. Make that three. Booker runs in to blast him and it’s on. What happened to the forfeit? Is Benoit champion at the moment?
Benoit takes it to the floor and is all over him. Booker of course was faking the injury if you didn’t get that. If Cole can point out the obvious then so can I. Benoit chops the living tar out of him and blocks a cheating rollup to hammer away some more. Baseball slide sends Booker to the floor and he’s getting destroyed here. Booker claims he’s hurt again and tells the referee he needs to end this.
Naturally he’s faking again and Benoit eats steps. Booker gets kind of a superkick in the ring which hits Benoit in the chest for two. I’m trying very hard not to make Benoit jokes here and I’m losing my restraint abilities. Booker hooks a full nelson which gets him a grand total of nowhere and here come the Germans. Crossface doesn’t work and Booker gets a spin kick for two.
Booker and Benoit used to be best friends apparently. Why don’t I remember that at all? Probably because they’ve always been rivals but why care about things like history? Booker gets a long chinlock which gets him more or less nowhere. They chop it out which of course Benoit wins. Axe kick misses and here comes more Wolverine.
Benoit busts out Three Amigos to a nice reaction. Another big kick takes Benoit down. Booker is going down right Asian stereotype tonight. Benoit stops something from the top from Booker and chops away. Big old superplex follows some headbutts for two. Houston Hangover misses which is a move I’ve always liked. Rolling Germans hit Booker and he’s in big trouble. Cole keeps calling the Hangover a front flip and it’s getting on my nerves.
Benoit goes for the headbutt but just like he did to Booker it’s blocked. Axe kick gets two. Is there a white person that does that move? Booker does his rolling sunset flip out of the corner but gets countered into the Sharpshooter. Sharmell gets up so the hold doesn’t last long. Benoit gets it again and then lets it go to grab the Crossface to of course end it. Long match at nearly twenty minutes.
Rating: B. It’s Chris Benoit vs. Booker T. Did you expect a bad match here? This worked very well as you would expect it to with both guys working hard out there and the results coming out well. As I’ve said, a lot of the time a cure for the problems a company has is to just go out and have a good wrestling match. That’s what they did here and it’s got me wanting to watch more of the show. Can’t ask for more than that.
The fans tell Booker he tapped out. I think he knows that.
Rey and Benoit celebrate in the back. So does Teddy. And Matt. Lashley. And Scotty. And all of the roster. Dude, it’s the US Title. He didn’t get this kind of reception when he won the world title. And here’s Chavo and Vickie and Rey. Well of course it’s about Eddie. Have I mentioned I FREAKING HATE THESE REFERENCES??? Vickie is skinny here.
We recap Orton vs. Rey. Eddie dies so Rey got the push of a lifetime because of it. He came into the Rumble at #2 and won the thing, giving him the title shot. Orton got all ticked off at going out last and said that Eddie is burning. This led to Rey getting ticked off and putting up his title shot here tonight. Orton was evil here and since I was fed up beyond all belief with talking about Eddie I loved Orton here.
Rey Mysterio vs. Randy Orton
Winner goes to Mania for the world title shot. Orton is all chiseled here and the Legend Killer and not like orange. The fans chant for Eddie. Well he’s right there in the ring in the mask so it’s not like it’s going to take long to get him here. Orton overpowers him to start. It’s weird saying that as Orton is far from a power guy. Rey starts with regular stuff which doesn’t work that well. Ah there’s the speed and it of course works better.
Orton shouts to the crowd that he doesn’t need their help. He’s freaking evil looking and was awesome at this point. Orton takes over and pounds away with basic stuff. It’s so weird to see him using generic power moves rather than his usual stuff. Cole calls Orton a jerk. That’s so amusing now. Orton gets two on an Irish Whip. Who does he think he is, Billy Watson?
He follows that us with the Eddie chest slap which gets huge heat. Orton is as tall as Rey is when he’s on his knees. Rey kicks his head off and sends Orton to the floor though and the momentum doesn’t change though as Orton catches a rana in a powerbomb position and swings Rey’s body into the post like Jason did to that chick in Friday the 13th with the tree. FREAKING OW MAN!
Orton works on the arm which is hurt from going into the post like that. Rey starts a brief comeback but Orton gets one of my favorite moves as he gets Rey over his shoulder for a powerbomb them moves forward to snap Rey’s neck in a neckbreaker. That’s just awesome. And now back to the arm. That’s what we mean by psychology: he keeps going back to something injured. If you hurt a guy’s body part in a real fight, you would stay on it. That’s basic psychology.
Rey gets a rana out of nowhere but hurts his arm in the process. Nice work. Orton stomps on the arm so Cole thinks Randy is evil. Uh, isn’t that kind of like, smart? Arm gets rammed into the steps a bunch of times. Orton hooks one leg on a cover so Cole of course says he hooks both. Cole can’t even count to two. That sums him up very well I believe. Orton goes for the neckbreaker thing again but gets countered, complete with the most oversold armdrag ever.
Rey counters a middle rope electric chair drop into a sunset bomb for a long two. Tazz thinks it’s over more or less and I think he’s probably right. He means it’s over as in Rey has no more chances. Spinwheel kick sets up the Eddie dance as my eyes roll around my head. Seated Senton gets no cover. Rey gets a running neck snap which was rather cool. Orton’s head is busted open.
Orton catches an Asai moonsault attempt into a powerslam position but they botch the living heck out of what appeared to be a tornado DDT but Rey didn’t go down to the mat plus Orton went the wrong way so he looked like he just kind of fell down. Anyway, Orton pokes him in the eyes which gets him nowhere. Rey goes up but Orton dropkicks him on the way down. That was nice but could he get an RKO like that? I don’t think so!
Rey dropkicks him and Orton sells the heck out of it and he lands perfectly in position for the 619. Orton was overselling on purpose though as he ducks under the kick and grabs a rollup and the rope to get the pin and kill the life out of the crowd. The look on Rey’s face is straight up awesome. I love seeing children wanting to cry.
Rating: B-. The match was good for the most part with the arm stuff and the time went by very quickly, but there was something missing here and I’m not sure what it was. I think the problem is Orton had to alter his style too much which hurt things. It’s not bad really, but it wasn’t a great match. Oh and before I forget: HAHA YOU LOST REY! I BET EDDIE IS CRYING NOW BECAUSE YOU FREAKING SUCK AT LIFE! Ok I’m good now.
Orton grabs the mic and says he’s going to the main event of Wrestlemania. Oh of course Rey was put in too and won the title. The explanation was that Teddy just added him because there was never a limit on the amount of people in it. They do the big emotional leaving for Rey which makes me want to fast forward.
The announcers act like Orton shot Rey in the face or something.
We cut to Rey apologizing to the Guerreros in the back. Chavo says keep your chin up and they curse a lot. What do the Guerreros lose here? Eddie wasn’t going or anything so it’s just a guy that shot his mouth off and screwed up. Go get on Maury or something. Did I mention I REALLY hated this angle? The same roster that congratulated Benoit all looks at him, apparently not having moved since Benoit came by.
We recap the battle royal where Kurt jumped to Smackdown to win the world title due to Batista’s injury. He was celebrating and the gong went off. Do I need to explain this any further? This has been built up as a HUGE match and that’s exactly what it was supposed to be. They had fought for the title before but that was when Angle was still goofy so this is going to be a showdown. Angle gets in a great line: when that bell rings, I don’t have a soul either.
Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. The Undertaker
It’s the remix for Angle’s music here which I never liked. That title just looks AWESOME on him. He was a guy that was incredibly valuable to have on the roster for instances such as this. Batista was hurt and so they needed a credible champion. Angle is someone they could throw the title on and have it be completely realistic. That’s always a great thing and it worked perfectly here.
Taker literally takes four minutes for his entrance. Think he’s taking long enough? Cole’s voice sounds like it’s giving out. Angle tries to get a hold on him early on and Taker goes to the ropes. That’s a bit odd to see I’d think. Angle hits the floor when nothing works. Cole says neither of them have ever tapped. What the heck has he been watching for the seven years Angle has been in the company? He’s lost an Ultimate Submission match and Jericho made him tap on Raw once. Also Benoit made him tap multiple times. Yeah that’s nonsense.
Taker works a headlock which is odd to see him using. Off to the arm and a short arm scissors which gets him nowhere. They’re going back and forth here and it’s working for the most part. Definitely a slow build as we have nearly half an hour to go and no more matches. Old School connects and Taker busts out a Downward Spiral of all things for two.
Snake Eyes hit but Angle hits a SWEET release German for one. The dueling chants begin which makes sense as these are both faces. There’s some chick at ringside that screams louder than Melina. Taker gets knocked off the apron and into the railing. Angle dives at him and is caught before being rammed into the post. The apron legdrop is VINTAGE! Back in and Angle blocks a chokeslam with some kicks so Taker just hits him in the face to put him back down.
Angle goes for the knee and gets the post figure four. Solid stuff here so I apologize for the lack of humor. There’s nothing to make fun of. Patrick gives this big lecture to Angle about keeping it in the ring and Angle nods at it. Patrick turns around and Angle is right back out there which was rather funny. They’re building very slowly here but Angle is picking it up a bit.
Back to the floor again with Taker drilling him with knees. Taker’s knee is messed up a bit and this time he’s selling so we’ve got that going for once. It’s noticeable how much more swearing there is here. Angle grabs the legdrop on the apron this time and gets the ankle lock. Angle holds him on the floor against the ten count, breaking at seven and then breaking the count before going right back to the ankle. That’s sweet stuff there.
We hit the ring again and Taker is caught in another leg lock for a bit. More dueling chants start up. Taker counters mounted punching with a triangle choke and Angle is in trouble. Amazing that Fedor can’t last 10 seconds in one but Angle can last like 30 in it. We hit the floor again and Angle is in trouble. They’ve broken the count like 10 times so far which isn’t something you see that often. It adds some realism to the match as they’re not ignoring rules for the sake of convenience.
Taker clears off the announce table and then rolls in to break the count again, even though I’m not sure one was going on. Angle grabs Taker and puts him through the other announce table with the Angle Slam out of nowhere. Angle stops the count at 9 including some F Bombs. Back to the floor again with Angle pounding away. Taker wouldn’t have beat the count back in. He reverses Angle and sends him into the steps. GREAT match if you can’t tell that.
Taker goes up but gets caught and takes some punches. Angle sets for a suplex but Taker knocks him back. Angle is all like boy I said I’m suplexing you so I’m suplexing you and runs up the corner to throw Taker down in a belly to belly. Somehow that only gets two. Fans are way into this. Angle throws more punches so Taker kicks him in the face. Sometimes you can’t beat the simple stuff.
Chokeslam is countered into the ankle lock and Taker is reeling. Taker can’t shove him off so he pulls him in, grabs the head and locks on the triangle choke again. Angle reverses that and hooks the ankle lock one more time. Taker rolls through and finally gets out of it. Chokeslam mostly hits but Taker kind of dropped him which might have been intentional due to the ankle. That gets two as I’m loving this stuff.
Last Ride is reversed into a sunset flip and Angle grabs the ankle lock AGAIN for like what, the fifth time? Yeah two in the previous sequence and two on the floor. Dang man. Taker can’t get the ropes so he kicks Angle off AGAIN. Angle Slam connects for TWO. Sweet merciful crap this is awesome. Angle pulls down the straps as Taker sits up in a great visual.
They slug it out and Taker sends him in and grabs the Tombstone. Angle reverses and Taker reverses and ANGLE reverses into the SIXTH Ankle lock, this time with the grapevine attached. Taker raises his hand to tap and he’s in the middle of the ring. Taker rolls them over and kicks Angle in the face again to become the ONLY person I’ve ever seen to survive the grapevine ankle lock.
Angle slips up behind Taker as he gets up and hits ANOTHER Angle Slam (NINE freaking finishers from Angle if you’re keeping track) and Angle rolls him up but Taker busts out (and perhaps debuts) the Hell’s Gate (not called that yet and still called a triangle choke here. Thank you martial arts master Tazz) and Angle is in big trouble. Angle is almost out and after the second arm drop he pops up and jumps over into a cradle while the choke is still on and gets the three! Taker thinks he’s won and Angle is DONE. Post match Taker says he has Angle’s number. I guess he’ll text the rematch request.
Rating: A+. Screw Meltzer and his love of Japanese guys and his cruiserweight jazz. THIS is your match of the year. These two beat the heck out of each other and it was nothing but awesome the whole way. For some reason (Angle leaving for TNA) they never had the big rematch. THIS should have been the main event of Mania rather than a 9 minute triple threat with Angle dropping the belt to that freaking pest Rey so that Eddie could have his second moment at Mania.
Both guys looked awesome out there and they threw everything they had at each other and then the ending worked perfectly. Both guys more or less lost and it lets Taker keep his credibility. Much like the Benoit match at the 03 Rumble, Taker didn’t get beat so much as he got caught. That’s a very key thing and it helps a lot here. Excellent match and well worth going out to see.
Overall Rating: B-. Well there are six matches on this show. Three are boring beyond belief, two are good and one is great. The last hour and a half is great stuff but the first hour and fifteen minutes or so are just wretched. DEFINITELY check out Angle vs. Taker but the rest isn’t worth much. Booker vs. Benoit is good but they’ve had about 100 matches that are good so it’s nothing unique. Check out the main event, but I’d definitely watch this out of order if you’re going to watch it all. Actually skip the second and third matches. The opener is watchable and the last three are good. Yeah that should do it.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews
Royal Rumble 2006
Date: January 29, 2006
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 16,178
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Tazz
Eddie Guerrero. If you honestly believe this show is about anyone but him, you’re completely wrong and missing the point. Tonight’s show is about milking as much as we possibly can out of Eddie’s dead body, because the entirety of the Smackdown main event scene until Wrestlemania (and even glimpses of it for years to come) would be about Rey Mysterio fighting for Eddie’s memory against people like Orton. I never have been comfortable with this but it is what it is. Let’s get to it.
The opening video is about Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle. The Rumble and Edge vs. Cena gets a little time as well.
Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London
Kid Kash is champion coming in and this is Texas Tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Helms is from Raw but is here because it’s an open invitational. It’s a big brawl to start and everyone gangs up on Helms. I don’t know if there was a delay of some sort or just a really bad sign, but there are dozens if not hundreds of empty seats visible in the lower arena, most of them opposite the hard camera.
Helms gets beaten into the corner but Kash pulls some other people off for no apparent reason. Nunzio slams Kash onto the mat for one Noble gets two on Nunzio off a powerslam as London hits a dropsalt for two on Noble and Nunzio. Wait apparently those red seats are stairs. Those are rather distracting and the seating structure is odd as there’s a group of about eight seats per row then another set of stairs as opposed to most arenas where there are about twice that many in a row. At least the place isn’t as empty as it seemed.
Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.
Back in and London loads up a shooting star press onto Kash but Helms goes up top at the same time and hooks a swinging neckbreaker to bring London down for two. A brainbuster from Kash kills London again but two guys come in for the save. All six guys are back in the ring now and Kash gets two off a Backstabber on Nunzio. Funaki can’t hit a tornado DDT on Noble and gets caught in a gutbuster for trying. Noble gets sent to the floor by Helms and Gregory hits a Shining Wizard out of nowhere for the pin on Funaki and the title.
Rating: C+. What are you expecting to find here? It’s six guys in the ring all at once and going nuts on each other with spots. There isn’t supposed to be any sort of story or flow to it and there certainly wasn’t here. It was the right choice for an opener and the match worked well enough for its purpose. Fine but nothing memorable at all. Helms would hold the title for over a year.
Teddy gushes to Vince about how excited he is over the Rumble. Vince is happy because he has Torrie, Victoria and Candace Michelle doing the drawing. They were a heel Divas stable at the time which didn’t work at all. HHH and Orton come in to draw and only the latter seems pleased with his number. Amazingly enough, these guys got the EXACT SAME NUMBERS that Guerrero and Flair got when they came in to draw last year.
Trish is looking GREAT in a referee outfit when Mickie, currently the psycho lesbian, comes up and says she loves Trish. Ok then.
Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro
Trish is referee and I didn’t realize she was in some barely there shorts. I miss Mickie wearing those skirts that often flew up above her waist. The problem with Ashley was simple: she wasn’t that good. Mickie cranks on the arm but Ashley counters into a wristlock of her own. Massaro armdrags Mickie down and it’s clearly Mickie flipping while Ashley moves her arm.
James heads to the floor to get a breather but Ashley hits a clothesline off the apron to take her down. Back in and Mickie snaps, basically turning heel mid-match. Mickie hooks a standing half crab to fill in some time as it’s clear Ashley has nothing to do here. We head to the floor where Mickie rams Ashley’s ribs into the post. Back in and Mickie hooks a bow and arrow hold to work on the back even more.
Ashley catches an incoming kick from Mickie and starts her “offense” but can barely hook a crucifix. The only good thing about it was Mickie’s skirt flying up but the rollup only gets two. Massaro shoves Ashley into the corner and the fans are openly booing now. She’s just absolutely horrible and thankfully Mickie kind of powerbombs her out of the corner for the sloppy pin.
Rating: D. Again, anything with Trish looking that hot involved can’t be considered a failure whatsoever. She was likely there because it was clear that the match was going to be horrible and the fans had to have something to be distracted by. Thankfully Trish and Mickie would get to have their excellent Mania match instead of another Ashley mess. Terrible stuff but hot women in tiny outfits make up for it.
Big Show draws his number. Rey comes in to talk about Eddie a bit. Apparently Eddie is joking with Rey by giving him this number.
John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Boogeyman
This is part of an ongoing feud, which involved Boogeyman eating a growth off of Jillian Hall’s face. Do yourself a favor and don’t ask. Oh and I forgot to mention the set. It’s themed like a coliseum with guards opening up the doors for the wrestlers to come in. They did that at some of the old King of the Rings and I still like it.
John hides behind Jillian for awhile and then bails to the floor, leaving the blonde chick to get stalked. Boogeyman puts worms in his mouth and spits them into Jillian’s mouth. Boogey gets sent to the floor and into the steps before JBL chokes away a bit more. The Clothesline misses and a pumphandle powerslam ends JBL in less than two minutes. I have no idea what the point of this was.
Mama Benjamin comes in and hits on Vince. Thankfully Shelton comes in to save Vince from a future paternity suit. Melina comes in to hit on Shelton but Mama takes him away quickly. Mama Benjamin was one of those ideas that didn’t make a ton of sense and didn’t accomplish anything but it certainly exists. MNM draws their numbers as well. Vince and hits girls sit on the couch to watch the Rumble.
Video on the Rumble, which says everyone thinks they’ll win. Vince is vindictive against Shawn around this time too. Apparently there will be some returns tonight as well.
Before the Rumble starts, the Spirit Squad comes out to give us a chant.
Royal Rumble
HHH is #1 and Mysterio is #2, naturally coming out in a lowrider and an Eddie shirt. HHH tries to power him down to start but Rey comes back with kicks to the knee. Rey hits a headscissors to take HHH down and into the corner but HHH lifts him to the apron. Rey comes back with a springboard dropkick to the back but HHH ducks the 619. Simon Dean is #3 and goes after Rey to a bunch of boos. Dean sends him to the apron and wants a high five from HHH but gets punched in the face and hit by a seated senton. The elimination is academic.
Rey takes HHH down and hits a Bronco Buster as Psychosis is #4. He immediately goes after Rey before kicking HHH down. Psychosis busts out a freaky move where he hooks a Rock Bottom grip on Rey but lifts him into the air and slams Rey face down. Rey gets put in a Razor’s Edge position but ranas Psychosis out for the elimination. Ric Flair is #5 and goes right for HHH. They slug it out with Flair taking over but ducking his head into the facebuster. Ric comes back with a crotch grab but HHH rakes the eyes and backdrops Flair out.
Big Show, who hates HHH at the moment, is #6. They were feuding at this time, I believe over HHH injuring Big Show’s hand with the hammer. Show chops him in the corner and HHH falls forward onto Show’s chest. A headbutt keeps Rey down and there’s a side slam to HHH. Like an idiot, Big Show picks up HHH and slams him to the mat instead of to the floor. Coach is #7 and makes it about thirty seconds before Show puts him out.
Show does that stupid slam thing to HHH AGAIN. I’m sure that won’t come back to haunt him or anything. The chokeslam takes HHH down again and here’s Lashley at #8. He and Show slug it out with Show getting backdropped to the mat. Kane, Big Show’s tag champion partner at this point, is #9. He and Lashley stare it down and Kane kicks Lashley’s head off.
Lashley immediately comes back with an overhead belly to belly and a third press slam to HHH. Kane takes a Dominator and Sylvan, the “Smackdown fashion consultant” is #10 and lasts about 18 seconds before Lashley throws him out. Unfortunately he turns around and gets caught in a double chokeslam followed by the elimination. The partners quickly turn on each other with Kane getting a boot up to stop a charging Show. They fight to the ropes and HHH runs up to throw them both out, emulating the same thing Shawn did in 1996 with Vader and Yokozuna.
Carlito is #11 and goes for Mysterio as is the theme tonight. There’s a Backstabber to put Rey down in the corner, where he’s been for a lot of the match tonight. Carlito punches HHH down and here’s Benoit at #12. Everyone gets a German and Carlito taps to a Crossface which means nothing here. HHH breaks it up for no apparent reason and whips Benoit hard into the corner.
The Game puts Benoit on the apron and they fight over a suplex with Benoit winding up on the top rope. Benoit headbutts HHH down and hits the Swan Dive before Booker T is #13. He’s US Champion here and in tights, which suggests an injury to me. Oh yeah he’s barely moving out there and just letting Benoit chop him. Benoit dumps him in about 20 seconds so yeah Booker must have been hurt.
Benoit chops on HHH until Joey Mercury is #14. Mercury fires off dropkicks but gets caught in Rolling Germans. Carlito jumps Benoit to break it up and Mercury pounds on Benoit a bit. Freaking Tatanka is #15, giving us a group of Mysterio, HHH, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury and Tatanka. Seriously why did the bring TATANKA back? He fires off chops as the fans do the Seminole chant.
Johnny Nitro is #16 to give us the Smackdown tag champions in the ring at the same time. HHH is upside down as Tatanka chops Nitro down. Nitro is John Morrison if you don’t remember him. Mysterio is finally back to his feet after being down for about half the time he’s been in the match. Trevor Murdoch is #17 and chops away on Tatanka as the match calms down again. Eugene is #18 and immediately Hulks Up, hooking an airplane spin on Murdoch. Mysterio hits a double bulldog to take both guys down to remind us that he’s still there.
Road Warrior Animal is #18 and immediately takes MNM’s heads off with a double clothesline. A powerslam puts Nitro down and we hit another lull. RVD is #20 and is back for the first time in nearly a year. Animal and Benoit have a staredown until Benoit gets kicked in the face. RVD kicks MNM down and backdrops Animal out to finally clear some room out in the ring.
Orlando Jordan is #21 and no one cares. Van Dam hits a kick to Carlito’s face off the top and Chavo Guerrero is #22. Nitro takes Three Amigos but Chavo goes up and is immediately knocked out by HHH. Matt Hardy is #23 and hits the Twist of Fate on Jordan. RVD and Rey combine to get HHH to the apron but they can’t get him out. MNM put out Tatanka and there are way too many people in this match with three letter initials. Super Crazy is #24 and literally flips to the ring.
At the moment we’ve got HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, Murdoch, Eugene, RVD, Jordan, Hardy, Crazy and now Shawn Michaels at #25. Why are there THIRTEEN PEOPLE in the ring at once? Everyone swarms Shawn but he punches them all off until Murdoch gets in some shots on him in the corner. There goes Trevor and Carlito knocks Shawn to the apron but not out.
Chris Masters is #26 and Hardy sends HHH to the apron. Viscera is #27 in his World’s Largest Love Machine period. He sits on Matt and does his anal rape thing as Mercury saves himself from being eliminated. Matt gets some boots up in the corner but is thrown out pretty quickly thereafter. Shelton is #28 and Benoit eliminates Eugene. Goldust returns at #29 and chops a bunch of people to no reaction.
Orton is FINALLY #30, giving us a final group of HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, RVD, Jordan, Crazy, HBK, Masters, Viscera, Benjamin, Goldust and Orton, or HALF THE PEOPLE IN THE MATCH. To give you an idea of how lame the star power is other than like three people in this, the final five were Masters, Viscera, Shelton, Goldust and Orton. Other than Randy that’s like a medium budget indy show, not the last five entrants to the Royal Rumble.
Randy almost immediately puts out Benoit. Seriously? You can’t put out Masters or Jordan? It just HAD TO BE Benoit??? An RKO takes down Viscera so Masters and Carlito can throw him out. Carlito immediately turns on his partner and dumps Masters. Goldie loads up Shattered Dreams on Carlito and gets in a good kick, only to be eliminated by RVD. Orton puts out Jordan and Shawn and HHH finally go at it. MNM double teams Shawn but gets eliminated for their efforts.
Shawn has to skin the cat to stay in and turns into a kick to the head from Shelton. Michaels is cool with that and sends Shelton to the apron followed by a superkick to eliminate him. This brings out Vince who hates Shawn and the distraction lets Shane run in and dump HBK. Shawn is ticked and runs back in and superkicks HHH after escaping a Pedigree attempt. He goes after Vince but a single referee stops him. Ok then.
We’re down to Carlito, Van Dam, HHH, Mysterio and Orton. Van Dam kicks Carlito out and we’re down to four. Van Dam kicks Orton in the head and teams up with Mysterio to beat on the Evolution guys. Rob goes up top but HHH crotches him and sends Rey into the corner to knock Van Dam out, getting us down to three. Evolution teams up on Rey but he knocks them both into the ropes for a double 619. Orton takes the seated senton but HHH clotheslines Rey down.
Orton powerslams HHH down but the RKO is countered into a spinebuster. HHH goes after Rey and gets flipped out to get us down to two. Cole’s voice is almost gone. HHH, ever the nice guy, pulls Rey to the floor and sends him into the steps. Mysterio is basically dead so Orton takes his sweet time. That’s his downfall though, as Rey counters the elimination attempt into a rana and sends Orton out for the win. Naturally he had to be #2 which the WWE considers less than #1 for absolutely no apparent reason, but that’s HHH for you.
Rating: C-. This isn’t a bad match, but man alive is it boring. There are three major problems in this match. First of all, there were WAY too many people in the ring at most given times. Like I said, once Orton got in there we had fifteen people in the ring at once. That’s double what the number should be around and it clutters things up way too much with that many people in there.
Second, as I touched on near the end, the talent pool was pretty shallow here. I mean, MNM aren’t bad but they don’t need to be in the final grouping of the Rumble. Guys like Masters and Carlito should have been eliminated earlier but just stuck in there. That gets old fast and it was begging for someone like Shawn to come in there and eliminate like five guys at once.
Finally, since there were so many people in there at once, it was hard to focus on any single story. You had stuff like HHH trying to go wire to wire but that got lost in the shuffle. Rey was on the mat for long stretches of time so he wasn’t really noticed either. Shawn’s issues with Vince only popped up for the elimination and were only touched on. When you can’t focus on one thing, you can’t focus on anything and that makes for a dull match. One good thing was that Rey wasn’t a guaranteed winner, so there was some drama. It’s not a bad Rumble but it was badly run.
Mickie comes in to hit on Trish as she does an interview on WWE.com.
Rey celebrates when Edge comes in and says don’t even think of challenging him at Mania.
We recap Edge vs. Cena. Edge won MITB back at Mania and waited nine months before cashing in on Cena after Cena survived the Elimination Chamber. Tonight is the rematch three weeks later.
Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge
Cena walks across a catwalk that lowered from the ceiling and hops in over the top. You know, in case it’s wasn’t clear enough that Edge had no chance here. Cena clotheslines him down to start but has to chase Edge back inside, allowing the champion to send Cena into the buckle. We head to the floor again with Cena having to avoid Lita and getting sent into the steps as a result. A baseball slide sends Cena over the barricade and the match stops again.
Edge tries for a countout but Cena DIVES back in at nine. Back in and Cena pounds away but charges into a spinwheel kick for two from the Canadian. Edge punches Cena to the floor again but goes after him instead of going for the countout again. Cena gets sent into the steps and back inside a missile dropkick gets two for the champion. Edge loads up a superplex but gets shoved off, only to avoid a guillotine legdrop from Cena.
Cena grabs a quick FU attempt but Edge counters into a rollup for two. A big boot puts Cena down but he rolls through a top rope cross body for two. Edge tries a rear naked choke of all things which Cena eventually breaks up. The spear misses and there’s a DDT to put both guys down. It’s Cena up first to start his finishing sequence but Lita distracts the referee. Edge misses a charge and is sent into Lita, setting up Cena for the FU and STFU to get the title back.
Rating: D+. This was a world title match at the Royal Rumble? Why? Edge never felt like he had Cena in trouble and the match wasn’t anything that you would remember five minutes after it ended. Lita’s cleavage was awesome but when that’s the best thing about a match….well you shouldn’t be surprised because it often was in Edge’s matches, but still, pretty lame match here that made Edge look like a footnote. Obviously that would change, but not a good start for him here.
Edge freaks out on Todd Grisham in the back. Edge storms off and Lita panics a bit. We get a random Hacksaw Jim Duggan cameo (does anyone do those better?) to call her a HO!
We recap Angle vs. Henry. Batista had been scheduled to face henry but tore his triceps and had to vacate the title. Angle won the title in a battle royal and gets to defend here. The idea is that Henry is way too strong for Angle. Seriously, that’s the story. Why this main evented the show isn’t quite clear.
Angle is all I’M THE BEST WRESTLER IN THE WORLD and no one can beat me. He leaves but comes back to tell Mark Henry that he SUCKS. This version of Angle was AWESOME, as he would just go out there and go beast mode on everyone and make them look like fools trying to keep up with him. Also he was perfect for a quick title reign like this as no one would question him popping up out of nowhere and taking the title. Those kind of people are hard to find but Kurt was one of them.
Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry
Angle gets overpowered to start. That’s about all there is to say for the first two minutes or so, as Kurt keeps getting shoved around and then taken to the floor. Henry whips him into the steps and then stands on Angle’s chest back inside. We hit a bearhug for a bit until Angle hiptosses out of it. He tries a cross body like an imbecile but rolls out of the World’s Strongest Slam. The ankle lock and Angle Slam are no good so Henry clubs him down again.
Instead Angle hits a German (kind of) to put both guys down. The Angle Slam gets two (duh) and the ankle lock is broken up again. The counter causes the referee to get bumped so Angle gets a chair. A low blow and two chair shots take Henry down for two, so Angle takes a buckle off. Kurt drop toeholds him into the buckle and rolls Henry up to retain. Our hero everyone.
Rating: D. Seriously, why was this……
And a gong strikes. That’s why.
As for the match, it sucked pretty terribly. Why would we buy Henry as a potential champion here after him showing no proof of being at that level? The match wasn’t even ten minutes long, making it feel much more like a TV match than a PPV title match. I know they wanted to do the big ending with Taker, but there had to be a better way to do it.
Taker comes out in a freaking horse drawn chariot and motions that he wants the title. Then he shoots lightning from his hands at the stuff over the ring, before slamming his arms down to send lightning at the posts. The ring collapses to end the show. Yeah that happened.
Overall Rating: D. I watched this show over the course of two days, and honestly the only thing that came to my mind other than the last ten minutes of it was how Trish looked in that referee outfit. That’s how completely forgettable this show is. Nothing came out of this show as Cena was champion all over again, making the last three weeks feel like nothing. Nothing to see here and definitely not worth seeing.
Ratings Comparison
Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London
Original: B-
Redo: C+
Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro
Original: C-
Redo: D
Boogeyman vs. John Bradshaw Layfield
Original: F-
Redo: N/A
Royal Rumble
Original: D
Redo: C-
John Cena vs. Edge
Original: B
Redo: D+
Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry
Original: D-
Redo: D
Overall Rating
Original: C-
Redo: D
What was I on for that Edge vs. Cena match?
Here’s the original review if you’re interested:
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews
These two spots both blew my mind at the time and I can’t pick which is better. What do you think? Here they are:
Morrison:
Kingston:
Kofi’s is more impressive but it’s a one move trick. Morrison does about three things in the same sequence. Which do you like better?