It was 2.2. My question: why does this surprise anyone?I’m surprised it’s that high. We had a taped three hour show where NOTHING HAPPENED on CHRISTMAS EVE. What were they expecting to happen? I’m amazed that this is considered a big story by some sites. Of course it drew a terrible rating. What did they expect? Kids to stay up late on Christmas Eve to watch Cena beat up Del Rio again?
Well it’s the end of the year and it’s time for someone else to do their awards results. I’ve used a combination of the PWI Awards, the WON Awards and the WrestleZone Awards while leaving a few out. I’ll be listing the winner and another that came to my mind when I was thinking about the winner. To explain it to you schmucks who have to complain about everything I do, THE WINNER IS LISTED FIRST AND THE OTHER PICK IS LISTED SECOND. Let’s get to it.
Winner: CM Punk. The guy was world champion all year long and there’s nothing else you can say to top that. No questions asked here.
Other: John Cena. Love him or hate him, he’s the biggest thing in wrestling and has been for years. He was in the main event of Wrestlemania and had the match of the year with Brock Lesnar. Unfortunately that’s about all he did this year, but no one tops him aside from Punk. Bryan was great too, but Cena fought Brock Lesnar and the Rock. That alone trumps anything Bryan did in the ring.
Winner: HELL NO. This is another layup here as you had two guys who you would NEVER (you have to shout a lot with this team) picture working well together having some of the best comedic chemistry since probably the Outlaws or Edge and Christian. Absolutely the right choice here and I don’t see any real argument for someone topping these guys.
Other: The Shield. These guys burst onto the scene and took over the company near the end of the year. They had one of the best debut matches EVER, taking a war to Ryback and HELL NO. These guys have a ton of potential and they have a chance to be huge in the next year, but this is for team of the Year, not November and December.
Tie: Undertaker vs. HHH (Wrestlemania 28)/Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena (Extreme Rules)
I did this one already and I still can’t come up with a reason for either to be higher than the other. If you’ve got a favorite between the two then rock on man, but I can’t pick here.
Winner: John Cena vs. John Laurinitis (Over the Limit). I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: the best kind of a match is the kind where you can’t figure out who is going to win. This was the polar opposite of that idea, with EVERYTHING happening exactly as we expected it to, down to the not shocking heel turn by Big Show at the end. Why would I want to see this on PPV for 20+ minutes?
Other: Wes Brisco vs. Garrett Bischoff (Impact). I have no desire to ever see either of these guys again, and now we’re going to see these two as major players in Aces and 8’s. This was probably a plot point to introduce them on camera, thereby making this match an unholy abomination.
Winner: James Storm vs. Robert Roode. They feuded forever and the two matches were both great. If Storm had won the title during this, it would have been perfect, but for some reason TNA decided that the perfect build up didn’t deserve the perfect pay off. Then again, that probably has something to do with them never being able to crack a 1.4 TV rating. Anyway, great feud here and great matches throughout.
Other: John Cena vs. The Rock. It’s John Cena vs. The Rock. That’s my explanation.
Winner: Daniel Bryan. Bryan wasn’t much last year, having won the world title about a week before the new year began. Then he got the world title and became a heel, which allowed for him to show some character. On top of that, he then went to war with the fans with a mere two words. On top of THAT, he then got together with Kane of all people to form one of the funniest tag teams in years. Great stuff here and a great surprise.
Other: Big Show. Who would have pictured Big Show ending the year as World Champion, having won the match in a dark horse candidate for the match of the year? He’s doing well with what he’s got, which is a surprise as it’s basically the same stuff he’s always done.
Winner: Jerry Lawler. The man had a heart attack live on Raw and was back two months later. There was no other option here and there shouldn’t be.
Winner: Ryback. This of course depends on what your definition of a rookie is. In the WWE sense of the word, it’s hard to say anyone had a better first year than this guy. He went from squashing jobbers to what would have been three world title matches in a row on PPV. He had me believing something could happen….and then they screwed it up because Rock had to have his title match announced six months in advance but whatever. Anyway, Ryback had an awesome year, but I don’t see much brightness in his near future.
Other: Antonio Cesaro. This is for you traditionalists out there. Cesaro was the only newcomer who didn’t have experience in WWE (remember that Sandow was on Smackdown for a few months back in like 2006/7). He went from debuting to screwing Aksana to US Champion to getting to be the main villain on Tribute to the Troops. For a guy who debuted back in April, that’s quite a year.
Winner: Wrestlemania. It had three of the ten best matches of the year and almost nothing bad going on at all. We also set up a bunch of stuff throughout the rest of the year, had some great matches, and had a match that was literally built up over a year. I had an absolute blast watching this and it still holds up today. Oh and it made more money than any pay per view ever. Wrestlemania wins.
Other: Extreme Rules. Yeah they were mainly rematches, but DANG they were some good rematches. This show is almost always fun as we redo Wrestlemania but with gimmicks instead. Throw in Brock vs. Cena in a WAR and it’s hard not to like this show a lot. Things went downhill from here, but they were pretty high up before they started going the other way.
Winner: Survivor Series. Nothing happened, the main event was thrown together after announcing a different one the week before, and none of the matches were particularly great. Oh and it’s one of the worst drawing shows ever.
Other: Final Resolution. This is basically the TNA version of Survivor Series as it was more or less a house show with nothing significant happening. At the end of the year it felt like both companies were just trying to get to January, and that makes for some BAD PPVs.
Winner: Brodus Clay is the Funkasaurus. Let’s think back to this for a minute. For weeks and weeks, we had been told that Brodus Clay was coming. We knew what Brodus looked like and we knew that he was a monster. Then we heard Lillian say “From Planet Funk”, and everyone collectively said “HUH?” Clay then danced out in a freaking track suit, complete with hot dancing girls, dancing to Ernest Miller’s old theme music. I’ve seen a lot of things in my time watching wrestling, but I NEVER would have guessed that was coming. That’s what I call a surprise.
Other: 18 Seconds. It’s the world title at Wrestlemania. You expect that to break 30 seconds don’t you?
Winner: Daniel Bryan and Kane go to Anger Management. I’ve talked about this one a lot, but man alive is it funny stuff. When I first heard this was coming, I rolled my eyes and thought it sounded awful. Then Kane launched Josh Matthews through the air looking for Bryan, and things got great. The promo by Kane where he lists off his history is still hilarious and these two never stop being funny together. Also, for probably the only time I can remember in years, WWE timed this PERFECTLY, giving them the tag titles almost immediately instead of waiting three months when the angle would have slowed down.
Other: Joseph Park and the Search For Abyss. This one works for me because of Park’s acting. Honestly, if I didn’t know that it was the same guy, I don’t know how long they could have gone before I figured it out. That’s how good Park is in this role of Joseph. The comedy has been great, the matches have been entertaining, but above all else, Park’s acting has been outstanding. The stuff he does in the ring where he looks like he has no idea what he’s doing is amazing, because there’s so much stuff in wrestling you can’t unlearn. This is one of the bright spots for TNA this year.
Winner: Cena and AJ Sitting in a Tree. This is #1 for one reason: it came after Clair Lynch. There’s no arguing that this was a straight copy of Clair Lynch’s story in TNA, which means that someone thought that story was actually GOOD ENOUGH TO BE RIPPED OFF. I’ll give TNA points for trying something and having it fail, but in this case WWE ripped off a terrible idea and somehow made it even more boring by having it go on as long as it did.
Other: Clair Lynch/AJ Styles. It was stupid, it went on too long, the woman who it was centered on left because apparently she couldn’t handle people not liking her and wasn’t a fan of being on a wrestling show. I’ll hold myself back from going on a rant about how pathetic I find that and go with this story SUCKED, but at least it came first.
Winner: Bully Ray (Destined For Greatness – No Surrender). This one works for a few reasons, but the number one of all is that it was done by Bully Ray. I mean….BULLY RAY? Really? The promo is right before the finals of the Bound for Glory Series, where Ray has the chance to go to the main event of the biggest show of the year for the first time in his career. He said that the other participants may be bound for glory, but he was destined for greatness. This promo alone basically turned him face and he’s been on a roll ever since. You know what? I’m reversing these two. Ray deserves it more.
Other: Daniel Bryan/Kane (Anger Management – Raw). This is the kind of promo that we need to see in wrestling more often. This was a promo from outside of the arena, which is where great comedy can come from. It gives you a reminded of how absolutely insane wrestling is when you really stop to think about it. Kane listing off the history of his character is some of the funniest stuff you’ll ever hear, and the reactions from “non-wrestlers” are great.
Winner: HHH/Undertaker/Shawn Michaels embrace after HIAC (Wrestlemania 28). You don’t often get to say this, but this moment was four years in the making. This was the culmination of four excellent (ok so the WM 27 match wasn’t excellent but it sounds better than three excellent matches and one very good match) matches between three guys who time has passed. The match was the perfect ending and the hug at the end summed up the years amazingly well.
Other: Brock Lesnar Returns (Raw after Wrestlemania). This is ruined by one thing: the fans knew he was coming. The fans started chanting WE WANT LESNAR and then here he is. If I remember right this was spoiled earlier in the day which holds back the surprise. You can’t factor in the stuff that came after it, but just having Lesnar back even for a little while was absolutely shocking and made you realize we were in for a big summer.
So that’s it. If you want my take on anything else, ask in the comments.
Merry Christmas,
KB
Monday Night Raw
Date: December 24, 2012
Location: Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
Greetings and welcome to the dumbest idea WWE has had in YEARS. That’s right, it’s a three hour show on CHRISTMAS FREAKING EVE. You know, the night when the target audience goes to bed early to make sure they’re up early the next morning. I’m REALLY not looking forward to this and odds are it’s going to suck because they don’t want to waste good ideas. Let’s get to it.
We open with the roster singing a WWE themed Christmas carol which to be fair is pretty funny stuff.
Here’s Santa Claus to be guest host tonight. He’s handing out presents….and gets run over by Alberto’s car. In something I never thought I’d have to say, Santa does a stretcher job. He gives a thumb up as we take a break. This was so campy that it was hilarious.
Back with Booker telling everyone to get through the night because that’s what Santa would want. Everyone yells at Del Rio when Cena comes in to really rub it in. Alberto says it wasn’t his fault, so Booker makes Cena vs. Del Rio in a Miracle on 34th Street Fight. Cena: “I’LL DO IT FOR SANTA!”
Cody Rhodes vs. Kane
Kane throws him around to start but Cody comes back with a dropkick to the knee. Rhodes is sent to the floor but manages to send Kane’s arm into the post from the outside. Not bad. Back in and a middle rope dropkick gets one on Kane. Cole: “Kane is in his Christmas gear in red here.” Cody works over the arm as the match slows down a lot. A side slam puts Cody back down and there’s the clothesline from the top. Rhodes goes after the arm to block the chokeslam and hits the Disaster Kick to the shoulder. That means absolutely nothing as the chokeslam pins Cody at 5:53.
Rating: C. Just a match here as the Scholars and HELL NO continue to fight despite the champs beating them every single time they’ve fought. I don’t know of anyone who has fallen further in a year than Cody has, as he hasn’t done a thing of note this year aside from grow an overly popular mustache. Nothing to see here.
Rosa Mendes/Tamina Snuka/Aksana/Eve Torres vs. Alicia Fox/Natalya/Kaitlyn/Layla
Natalya and Aksana start things off as this is your usual excuse to have eight chicks in sexy Christmas outfits. Aksana gets beaten up so it’s off to Alicia who is thrown around by the hair. Off to Layla who I’m digging as a blonde. Rosa distracts Layla so Tamina can get in a shot so the match can drag on even longer. Layla finally comes back with a dropkick and it’s off to Kaitlyn to clean house. A shoulder gets two on Eve and everything breaks down. We get the parade of finishers (Aksana’s is a spinebuster) and Kaitlyn pins Eve at 5:27 after a gutbuster.
Rating: D. Eve looked great, Layla looked great, the rest didn’t look bad, that’s it. These matches happen every year and no one cares other than 13 year old boys. Kaitlyn needs to beat Eve for the freaking title already so no one can care anymore for the next few months again. Nothing to see here.
AJ and Dolph cuddle up and watch TLC.
We recap Santa’s injuries.
Here are some lumberjacks for the next match.
Big Show vs. Sheamus
Lumberjack match as I said. They shove each other around to start until Sheamus grabs a headlock. This is non-title as well. Show shoves him around a bit but gets guillotined on the top rope, allowing Sheamus to hit the ten forearms and the shoulder off the top. The Brogue Kick is loaded up but Show hits the floor and we hit a break.
Back with Show running over Sheamus before cranking on Sheamus’ arm. He even sings a Christmas song as he cranks. Sheamus grabs Show’s nose to escape but a slam attempt doesn’t work. We head to the floor where the lumberjacks work over Sheamus as they’re required to do. Back in and Sheamus is suplexed down for no cover, allowing Tensai to get in a cheap shot on Sheamus.
Show goes for some punches in the corner but Sheamus comes out of it with an electric chair drop. Cool visual there. Sheamus pounds away but gets caught in a chokeslam for two. Show’s standing legdrop gets two and the champ is getting frustrated. We hit a LONG bearhug until Sheamus punches his way out of it. Sheamus pounds away in the corner but gets caught by a clothesline for two.
A big old elbow gets two more for Show so he loads up the Vader Bomb. Naturally it misses so there’s White Noise for two. A Brogue Kick is blocked and the pale one is sent to the floor, triggering another brawl. Back in and Show misses the WMD, allowing Sheamus to hit a GREAT Brogue Kick for the pin at 14:00.
Rating: C+. These two work well together as always, but it doesn’t say much when a PPV match is now thrown onto TV with the world champion getting pinned 100% clean in the middle of the ring. Sheamus vs. Show simply does not need to continue, but since there are barely any top heels on Smackdown anymore, what else is Sheamus supposed to do?
Sheamus and the good lumberjacks clear the ring.
We get the Miz segment with the Muppets from Tribute to the Troops.
Here’s Otunga to explain why Santa was at fault earlier. Cue Ryder to say how stupid this is and squash Otunga.
Zack Ryder vs. David Otunga
Ryder starts fast and gets two off some clotheslines. Otunga takes it into the corner and pounds away a bit before getting two off a posing neckbreaker. We hit an early chinlock which goes nowhere, so Otunga goes back to the clotheslines. Back to the chinlock as we have another match that is going on longer than it has any right to do. Ryder fights up and hits his usual stuff like the middle rope dropkick and the Broski Boot. After the first one is blocked, the Rough Ryder gets the pin at 4:53.
Rating: D. If it wasn’t clear earlier that they were filling in time tonight with anything they could find, I think they’ve proven it now. Nothing to see here but the fans still respond to Ryder. Not like he should have another shot or anything, because he’s just done in a few months what writers can’t accomplish in months: getting himself over.
Booker and Teddy are in the back when Brad Maddox comes in. The usual results follow and his opponent will be an elf.
Kofi Kingston/The Miz vs. Antonio Cesaro/Wade Barrett
Miz and Cesaro start things off with Antonio shoving him around with ease. Now Miz frustrates Cesaro before hitting a flapjack for two. Barrett comes in and pounds away a bit before getting dropkicked down for two. Off to Kofi to work on the English dude’s arm. Wade bails from Trouble in Paradise and here’s Cesaro again. A kind of spinebuster puts Kofi down and the heels take over again.
Barrett comes back in for a surfboard hold, followed by a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. There’s the gutwrench suplexe from Cesaro and we hit a fast chinlock. Kofi kicks him away and there’s the not very hot tag to Miz. He cleans house on Barrett before hitting the top rope ax handle for no cover. The Finale is broken up by Cesaro but Miz kicks Wade into the ropes. Kofi kicks Wade in the head, allowing Miz to hit the Finale for the pin at 5:56. Barrett got pinned if that wasn’t clear.
Rating: C-. Not much to see here but they’re still trying to give Miz a push no matter how awkward it’s coming off so far. At least they’re trying hard for once. Other than that though, nothing to see as AGAIN they’re just letting these feuds continue for the sake of letting them continue. Wasn’t Miz feuding with Sandow though?
Santa is still hurt.
AJ gives Ziggler his MITB case and takes off her robe to reveal a Ziggler shirt and her tiny shorts. Kissing ensues.
Brad Maddox vs. Great Khali
Maddox tells Khali that he (Khali) isn’t an elf. Maddox gets the chest chops that he deserves and is sent to the floor where Horny works him over a bit. Brad goes after the knee and takes Khali down, working on the knee in the process. A chop puts Maddox down but he poses from one knee. Brad goes to the middle rope, gets chopped, clotheslined and hit with a Punjabi Plunge for the pin at 3:12 Screw rating this. It was a squash and that’s it.
Khali and Horny sing and dance.
Here are Punk and Heyman to make fun of Christmas carols and Pittsburgh. Punk makes fun of the Steelers by saying he’s a Cubs fan. Girl in the audience: “WHO ARE THE CUBS?” Idiot. Punk says Ryback has ruined Christmas and Hanukah, but has Ryback been punished? Of course not. Instead, he gets a title shot on the first Raw of the new year. Maybe Ryback should get a shot if there was ANY proof that Punk was working with Maddox or the Shield, but there’s no proof of that at all.
Punk complains about being in rehab and physical therapy over the holidays, unlike the Pittsburgh fans who are out bar hopping. Heyman talks about how Punk has been the victim of a conspiracy over the last 400 days. Ryback has failed in both of his title shots but he’s getting a third. Cue Ryback, who announces that the match on the seventh is a TLC match. He starts a TLC match and that’s that.
Daniel Bryan vs. Damien Sandow
It’s a battle of the classical music. Bryan shouts NO at Sandow when Sandow asks for silence. Bryan tries a fast NO Lock but Damien heads to the floor where Bryan hits the knee off the apron. Back in and there’s a running dropkick in the corner for one for Daniel. There’s the moonsault out of the corner by Bryan and it’s time for the kicks to the chest. A big kick misses though and Sandow rolls him up for tow.
Bryan is sent to the apron and into the buckle, knocking him to the outside. A few shots into the apron get two for Damien and we hit the chinlock. Sandow hits the Russian legsweep and Wind-Up Elbow for two. He loads up a superplex but gets knocked down, but Bryan misses the swan dive. Not that it matters as there’s the NO Lock for the tap out at 5:38.
Rating: C+. Another decent match here that really accomplished nothing. We get it: the champs can beat the Scholars. They’ve done it about ten times now, which means I’d bet on the Scholars getting the titles before the end of the Rumble. The match itself was fine, but there was nothing to remember in it at all.
Prime Time Players/Tensai/3MB vs. Brodus Clay/Santino Marella/Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd/Usos
Take 12 guys, throw them into a tag match I guess. Brodus and Young start and Darren has his arm worked on. Off to Tyson who continues the idea before hitting some dropkicks. Off to Tensai who suplexes Gabriel, only to get kicked in the face. Hot tag brings in Santino who gets taken down by Mahal. Off to Jey vs. O’Neal as we try to get everyone into the match.
Titus throws him around but gets sent into the corner, allowing for double tags to Jimmy and Slater. A Bubba Bomb puts Heath down and there’s the running Umaga attack in the corner. Everything breaks down and Brodus runs over everyone. Finishers are hit everywhere until everyone hits a big move on Slater. Jimmy hits the Superfly Splash on him for the pin at 6:13.
Rating: D+. Not much to see here but the ending with a bunch of finishers hitting in a row is almost always cool. The tag division is falling down again as only about two teams are getting to do anything anymore. Still though, at least these guys are getting on TV which is more than they’ve done in awhile.
HELL NO exchanges presents. Bryan gets a Slammy and Kane gets a puppy. Kane: “Thanks! I’m starving!” Bryan loses it and takes the puppy back.
AJ and Dolph read the Night Before Christmas, with AJ enjoying beating up Cena far too much. That’s a running theme tonight. The make out under some mistletoe and knock over the Christmas tree.
Santa is still unconscious but his heart monitor starts playing Jingle Bells. His feet start knocking together, and the fans ERUPT. You can’t beat the classics.
Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena
Street fight here. Cena pounds away in the corner to start and we quickly head to the floor. Del Rio whips him into the steps and goes after the arm. Isn’t Del Rio supposed to be a face? Back in and Alberto gets a mic, saying that what happened to Santa was an accident. Del Rio hits Cena with the mic, but Cena blocks another try and shouts SAAAAAAAAANTA before pounding away on Del Rio.
John heads to the floor to open a present, finding a chair. A few shots to Del Rio’s back get two as Ricardo pulls the referee to the floor. After a chase, Del Rio catches Cena coming in with a clothesline. Ricardo hands Del rio a present, and it’s a pie. You know whose head that is going upside. I hope Ricardo knows a good cleaner. They head up the ramp and Cena opens another package, finding a television monitor. Del Rio is knocked loopy as we take a break.
Back with Del Rio in trouble and opening another package. Inside this one…..is a teddy bear. Del Rio throws the bear at John, giving Cena the line of the night: Cena: “A BEAR? SERIOUSLY???” Ricardo gets wrapped up in a wreath and has a box broken over his head. Cena knocks Del Rio down and goes to look for another weapon. Fans: “USE THE TREE! USE THE TREE! USE THE TREE!” Del Rio gets crushed with the tree and Cena opens another box, finding a bowling ball. He rolls it down the ramp, hitting a perfectly placed Del Rio. Cena is a good shot actually.
John pulls out a fire extinguisher and sprays Del Rio down to make it a white Christmas. Cole and Jerry are probably reaching a record for the most Christmas puns in one night. Ricardo jumps on Cena’s back and actually chokes him down…..BUT SANTA IS BACK! He whacks Ricardo over the head with his bag of toys and puts an oven mit on his hand. That acts as a sock in this case for a mandible claw, which sets up the AA for the pin at 14:53.
Rating: B. If you didn’t like this match, I feel sorry for your non-existent soul. I had a blast with this match as it was exactly the kind of fun and goofy match that we needed to end a show like this. Seriously, how can you not have fun with something like this? The presents were a great touch and having Santa come out at the end was great.
Cena and presumably Mick Claus hug to end the show. Cena is worried about the time because Santa has work to do.
Overall Rating: B. I still say this show didn’t need to exist and should have been the Tribute to the Troops special, but the main event was very fun. Nothing here was bad at all and having the Santa story going through the show was fine. They didn’t add anything here and they really didn’t need to as no one is watching tonight. This was a fun episode but the rating is going to be lucky to crack a 2.0.
Results
Kane b. Cody Rhodes – Chokeslam
Kaitlyn/Alicia Fox/Natalya/Layla b. Rosa Mendes/Aksana/Eve Torres/Tamina Snuka – Gutbuster to Eve
Sheamus b. Big Show – Brogue Kick
Zack Ryder b. David Otunga – Rough Ryder
The Miz/Kofi Kingston b. Wade Barrett/Antonio Cesaro – Skull Crushing Finale to Barrett
Great Khali b. Brad Maddox – Punjabi Plunge
Usos/Tyson Kidd/Justin Gabriel/Brodus Clay/Santino Marella b. 3MB/Tensai/Prime Time Players – Superfly Splash to Slater
John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio – Attitude Adjustment
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews
Apparently the 2012 Survivor Series did a horrible amount of domestic buys. This tells you three things.1. Having Ryback, the unstoppable monster, lose more or less killed him with the audience. The audience isn’t stupid and knew that the only chance he had was inside the Cell, and that anything after that was a waste of their time to watch.
2. Ryback is going to lose his match on the 7th and his character is going to be crushed even further.
3. Having Rock announced six months in advance is going to turn out being a really bad idea.
Vengeance 2005
Date: June 26, 2005
Location: Thomas & Mack Center, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 9,850
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman
It’s a Raw show this time as we’re still in the middle of the single brand shows and will be for over another year. This is a two match show, but DANG these are two great matches. We have Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels the sequel and Batista vs. HHH in Hell in a Cell in the Mania rematch. Also we have Christian vs. Jericho vs. Cena in a three way for the other Raw title. For over three weeks both belts were on Raw which was rather stupid but whatever. There are only six matches on the card, so I’d think that sums this up pretty well. Let’s get to it.
The opening video is about Cena being new to Raw and Batista not knowing what he’s doing in HIAC. Ok then. You can tell Big Dave is serious here: he calls HHH Hunter. Far more time spent on those two which makes sense I guess.
The arena has a casino theme. At least that makes sense.
IntercontinentalTitle: Carlitovs. SheltonBenjamin
This is about a month after the infamous Shelton vs. Shawn match so Shelton is the hottest thing in the company. Well he was until he dropped the title to Carlito who is still in the purple shorts six days prior to this. Coach is already annoying the heck out of me and we’re 6 minutes into the entire broadcast. This isn’t very interesting at all, although you could say the same thing about most of the Raw shows from this era.
Shelton is still pretty awesome as he continues dominating Carlito. Carly tries to run but Shelton decides he’s the better released guy and stops that. Apparently Benjamin has a concussion. That wouldn’t be allowed today but this was a simpler time I guess. He hits a sweet clothesline from the top and can’t immediately cover because of his head. The more recently fired one takes over and they actually chant for him. That’s a different one.
Let’s hit that chinlock! Shelton hits a Samoan Drop as we’ve got all kinds of cultures in this match. I want to punch Coach in the face. Carlito keeps trying to get a turnbuckle pad off and finally manages to do so. Those three words are fun to type in a row. I love the Dragon Whip, especially how it always hits people. Does no one watch tape? He gets the pad off and Shelton eats steal on the Stinger Splash. You know the rest.
Rating: D+. Not bad but a bit long and a bit boring at times. That and with the title change happening 6 days prior to this, there was no drama at all over who was winning. Carlito was somehow even less interesting at this point if you can believe that. I’ve seen worse though.
HHH and Flair are here.
Ross calls the Cell Satan’s Spa of Pain and Suffering. WHERE DOES HE COME UP WITH THESE THINGS?
We recap Christy Hemme vs. Victoria. This is over a swimsuit contest. Oh and Victoria (Tara) is insane, even though she has that idiotic I Ain’t The Lady to Mess With song.
ChristyHemmevs. Victoria
They start fast and Victoria does all kinds of evil things to Christy. This is non-title also since the title is on Smackdown at the moment. The cards in the set change based on who is in the current match. The fans don’t really care either. Lawler says this is about looks or whatever. Christy botches the heck out of a sunset flip. Yeah I’m stunned too.
Ross freaks because Christy can do a DDT. She can do one of the least complex moves of all time and she gets cheered for it. She goes for another sunset flip and Victoria drops down and grabs the ropes for the heel pin.
Rating: D-. The lack of failing is because these are two of the hottest Divas of all time. The match was totally awful though, if you didn’t guess that part.
Cena is with Todd Grisham, and talks about being the new kid. This is still rapper Cena which makes him sound like a guy that doesn’t belong in the spot that he’s in. This is greatly disturbing. In something very good though, he keeps that theme throughout the whole interview. That’s very nice indeed and it works very well as I like this promo.
We recap Kane vs. Edge. They met in the finals of a tournament for the #1 contenders’ spot and Lita turned on her husband Kane to join Edge. This was one that made people feel very sorry for Kane which was a great idea. Edge also married Lita on Raw, or at least tried to as Kane came up from under the ring which was an awesome moment. Keep in mind that I’m a big Kane mark. Kane tombstoning the minister is just awesome stuff.
Edgevs. Kane
I vaguely remember wanting to see this match. Wow I was about to be a senior in high school back then. Kane looks like a legitimate awesome face at this point. In something I like, Kane does the ten punches in the corner and then just goes off with punches, getting up to probably 25 or so. The fans want Matt, who is gone. In real life, Matt and Lita were dating and Lita left him for Edge, so WWE of course turned it into an angle. Have to love those heartfelt guys.
Kane stays ticked off as he’s dominating this for the most part. Edge would be world champion in like 7 months so I’d say he wound up winning this one. The spear hits on the floor to hit the formula in full stride. Lawler gets in a decent line on JR, saying that in Oklahoma Hee-Haw was a documentary. Kane Kanes Up and JR says he’s setting Edge on fire here. Again, what does that mean?
Crowd is WAY into Kane here oddly enough. Edge hits a nice dropkick to block the top rope clothesline. Man Lita is thin here. Snitsky comes out and interferes THREE FREAKING TIMES. Seriously, is there no reason at all to not have two referees in kayfabe? Not that I can think of. Anyway, eventually Edge accidentally hits Gene with the MITB case, chokeslam ends it.
Rating: B-. This was a pretty solid upper midcard match, but Snitsky’s run in hurt it. The main thing here is that it gave Kane a clean pin over Edge, which makes Kane a big time threat again. Also, it’s nice seeing him getting a big win as they’re rare for him which to me sucks but whatever. Either way, this was pretty good.
We recap Angle vs. Michaels, which mostly was everyone wanting a rematch after their classic at Mania, sort of like what Taker did but less intense.
Shawn says Vengeance will be his. See what he did there? Nice one. Imagine me saying that in the cheesiest voice imaginable.
KurtAnglevs. ShawnMichaels
This should be good and I believe Becca says it’s Shawn’s best match so that’s saying a lot. Seriously, what purpose does Coach serve? I know he’s supposed to be the heel analyst, but he makes points that Jerry should be making so Jerry, who is far better, has less to do. We get a long feeling out/technical sequence to start which I can’t complain at all about. Angle takes over with some solid stuff on the mat but we’re still mostly in the feeling out stage at this point.
Angle hooks a half crab to start working on the ankle. Nice. For a guy his size, Shawn could throw one heck of a chop. He hits a spinning sunset flip off the middle rope but Angle turns it into the ankle lock. This is a chess game and it’s working very well even though we’re only about 5 minutes in. Angle hits the slam on the table which doesn’t break for a FREAKING OW moment. We even get a freaking turnbuckle powerbomb. That just looks awesome every time.
It’s all Kurt here but you can tell they’re in for a long one here. Basically what we have is how much can Shawn take, as he’s getting beaten up very badly here but he keeps countering the finishers. Angle’s lip is bleeding and Shawn is bleeding just under his eye. This is a very slow build but the crowd is staying in it so that is certainly acceptable. Shawn hits his flying forearm and the nip up gets a great pop. His selling really is great stuff. However he does the longest set up for the Sweet Chin Music of all time and Angle easily blocks it. That took almost 30 seconds to set up.
Shawn keeps covering after a DDT which is what Angle did to Shawn earlier on. I love little things like that. Angle comes back with Rolling Germans and an Angle Slam for two as we approach epicness. There goes the referee of course. Has there ever been a big match where the referee didn’t go down? Shawn takes a GREAT bump to the floor off a back drop. He was in free fall and just crashed, hurting his knee. Lawler goes on a semi rant talking about how you can’t get medical attention during a match.
Where is that kind of talk recently? Shawn stays in the ankle lock for the better part of ever but FINALLY counters as Angle hits the post. Angle goes for Shawn but OUT OF NOWHERE Shawn hits the superkick. Of course it’s just two as the referee counts to eight on both guys. Coach makes my head hurt a lot by saying he’s never seen anyone kick out of Sweet Chin Music. Angle goes up top for a double axe handle of all things but comes down into the boot for the pin.
Rating: A. This was one fine wrestling match. These two are absolute masters out there and this is no exception at all as both worked themselves ragged with great selling and back and forth work. This is a classic in every sense of the word and definitely should be seen.
Angle gets an ovation as he leaves just like he should.
Great American Bash ad which is mainly about Torrie.
Coach talks to Batista, who says he’s not scared and he’s going to get his revenge tonight. He words it a lot better. HHH comes up and I want to submit to his mustache. Pull apart brawl ends this.
Lillian Garcia is here…uh just because I guess. This is something about Viscera apparently. What was Vince’s obsession with large black men being obsessed with sex? I smell a Godfather cameo here. Lillian deserves an Oscar and a raise for this. She sings a song for him which is a great song but it helps to not look at the screen except when she’s on it. She proposes to him, crowd pops, cue Godfather. I was right. I want a hat with a feather in it like that.
Godfather offers him 5 Ho’s and of course he takes them. Was there a point to this other than to have Lillian look all sad and depressed? This is horrible yet hilarious. Ah that’s right: since we have single brand PPVs we only have 6 matches so we get pointless filler like this. Can you imagine Lawler having sex with that creepy smile never leaving his face? That’s just bizarre sounding.
We recap the triple threat which started with Cena being the top pick in the draft and Christian and Tomko yelling at him. Christian get the #1 contender spot and Jericho is mad about it. Jericho turned heel to set up a 3-1 beatdown. The language and mannerisms here are so different from today that it’s insane.
RawWorldTitle (WWE): ChrisJerichovs. Christianvs. JohnCena
So Christian was about 3 months away from leaving and Jericho was about 2 months away, so this is one of their last big matches. At the moment Christian is little more than a midcarder in over his head. Christian’s music is just odd sounding when it’s at that slower pace. Actually all three of these guys have had almost the same music for almost five years. That’s very different. Oh and the spinner is new at this point. Wow that was freaking idiotic.
The one now isn’t nearly as bad as it used to be. Lawler bets on Christian and Ross doesn’t make a pick. That was a waste of time. Tomko interferes and is out. These are always hard to comment on as they’re mainly comprised of one on one segments and then a save before repeating about three times and go to the finish. Cena hits the FU on Christian to the floor to give us Jericho vs. Cena which is ok I guess. Apparently Cena’s CD is out at the moment.
Earlier Cena complained about Jericho using the WWE Title to sell records. That’s just hilarious actually. Cena is a freaking hypocrite. Lionsault of course misses and now Jericho is alone in the ring. The fans pop for the table being uncovered. We hit match number two as Christian and Cena go at it. Wow it’s weird to hear Christian being called a veteran. It’s time for the heels to fight now which would be a main event today but is a clash of the upper midcard here.
We get a Tower of Doom as Christian gets suplexed and Jericho is powerbombed by Cena. Nice one too. In another nice spot, Cena drop toeholds Christian’s head into Jericho’s and hits a double 5 Knuckle Shuffle. Tomko takes Cena down but Christian only gets two. The Walls are applied and of course they don’t work since this is a Chris Jericho match. Cena gets Christian in the FU and kicks Jericho in the face to get the pin.
Rating: B+. This took a long time to get going but the last five minutes are very good. They actually did some three person spots in there which make this feel like a triple threat match where anyone could win. There was little to no drama but at the same time this wound up working very well indeed and I liked it a lot.
The Cell is lowered.
We recap Batista vs. HHH as they had been in Evolution together but after Batista won the Rumble he overheard HHH and Flair talking about how they have Big Dave around their little finger. Batista turned face more or less by force as he was so popular there was no other choice. He beat HHH at Mania and then at Backlash so HHH left Raw for a few weeks before coming back for a beatdown and challenging him to this. This really was a well built up feud and it feels like a huge match.
RawWorldTitle (World): Batistavs. HHH
Apparently the Cell is now the Devil’s Duplex. Seriously, what is JR on because I want some of it. Also it’s now a sentient being as it has something like emotions I guess. The Cell is still half up as Batista’s music hits. I didn’t realize he had I Walk Alone this early but apparently he did. He also had the gun pyro which is rather cool. He’s also embarking on his maiden voyage inside Hell in a Cell. Is he a boar captain all of a sudden? You can never accuse JR of using basic language.
The Cell being lowered really is a cool moment as you know you’re about to see some violence. Lawler says there is no way out. Today that would likely get him yelled at by Vince for bringing up memories of a defunct show. Why is he so paranoid about so many things? Batista is in the white tights here so you know he’s serious. They point out how fairly stupid it is to give HHH back to back shots by more or less saying this is the last chance for him.
HHH goes to the arm by sending it into the post. That’s smart I guess as it’s hard to Batista Bomb someone with one arm, although you would think the leg would be smarter. Then again he married Stephanie so he’s smarter than we are. And now HHH gets a tool box. This cannot turn into another Home Improvement match like it was vs. Nash. Well if nothing else Batista is better than Nash so I can live with that.
There’s a big chain, which at least is something that I guess you could understand having in a tool box assuming you could use it to secure something or to get a grip on something. I should host a tool show. Batista manages to survive about a minute of being choked by a chain which is being pulled by a 6’4 270lb man. What? You don’t see how that makes sense?
I love fans that encourage violence that could potentially kill a man. Well to be fair HHH is supposed to anger the fans so he’s getting that right. Batista hits four spinebusters on the floor. Not really as he just rammed HHH into the post but whatever Ross says goes I guess. HHH mimics Flair and is busted open. The white boots are working for Big Dave. HHH hits a real spinebuster to get us back to even.
He gets a barbed wire steel chair from under the ring which is there to cover any and all of their barbed wire steel chair needs. Batista takes a SICK shot of it to the back. I know it’s rubbed tipped or fixed to an extent, but DANG it looked great. The face of Batista more or less says a combination of OH MY GOODNESS, OW and DANG I COULD GO FOR A POPSICLE. He gets the chair and DRILLS HHH in the head with it. That sounded and looked great.
I love the raking of a person’s face into the cage. That just looks awesome every time they do it and it never gets old. It’s ALL Batista at this point. HHH takes a powerslam onto the barbed wire. Ok so it landed on his leg but whatever. I guess those Buns of Steel videos helped a lot there. HHH counters with a DDT onto it as this is getting very good. Both guys are bleeding now. See, this is a great example of using blood to make a match better.
Instead of just randomly bleeding in every match, this has been a brutal fight that has built up to this moment and it feels epic. Rather than having blood in every match where it becomes clichéd, the blood here is a sight that makes you think about how brutal this is. A sledgehammer shot to the face gets two as we’ve reached epic. Batista kicks out of a punch wrapped in chain to a HUGE pop.
A lot of people that that was it apparently and I can’t say I blame them. In a cool spot right after that, HHH jumps at Batista with the chain but Batista holds up the hammer so that it slams into HHH’s jaw/throat. He stands there for about 8 seconds before just collapsing. I love that visual. HHH got LAUNCHED over the corner. After this long of a match I’m surprised he can take a bump like that. Batista busts out some steps and gets them in the ring with HHH down.
HHH is just getting destroyed here as Batista is just in a zone here. Batista Bomb is countered with a low blow and the Pedigree for a LONG two. The steps are set up in the middle of the ring and Batista is in trouble. Pedigree is blocked into a spinebuster onto the steps and a Batista Bomb for the pin.
In a nice move, HHH picked up the hammer but gets dropped before he can hit it. When he’s pinned it’s still in his hand which is like the scene that ends a movie, or in this case a great match. HHH would be gone four months for this as Cena became top dog on Raw. I’m sure HHH’s diminishes spotlight had nothing to do with his absence at all.
Rating: A. This was a WAR. This is what Hell in a Cell is supposed to be like: two guys that absolutely cannot stand each other beating the hell out of the other person for a single prize. The blood was great, the violence was great, and both guys were great. See this match for sure as it’s awesome and I’m pretty sure it’s on the Hell in a Cell DVD. Great match and it made Batista look unstoppable.
OverallRating: A-. That might be a bit high but with two GREAT matches and one that’s very good along with a decent Kane/Edge match, an ok opener and Christy looking great, what more can you ask for here? Angle vs. Shawn is a great wrestling match and the main event is a great sports entertainment match. Either way you can’t go wrong. Throw in a very good Cena match and the last hour and a half of this show are about as perfect as you can get. GREAT show and definitely go check this out.a
Remember to follow me o Twitter @kbreviews
This came up on my forums earlier today and it made me think a little bit.Right now, wrestling is clearly trending downward. Ratings are going down and it’s clear that public interest isn’t what it used to be. Among many other things, I think people forget how big a role the Benoit incident plays in this. It’s by far and away the biggest mainstream story you’ll see in wrestling arguably ever and it sent shockwaves through everyone. People looked at wrestling and saw a monster who was about to win a title murdering his wife and son before killing himself. That was a wakeup call for a lot of fans and it made people walk away from wrestling. The importance of this to the modern product hasn’t gone away and isn’t going to for a very, very long time.
Tribute to the Troops 2012
Date: December 19, 2012
Location: Norfolk Scope, Norfolk, Virginia
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole
This is the tenth anniversary of the biggest publicity stunt WWE does every year. The wrestling tonight is going to be light and the ratings are going to be a lot more lax with this show. The main idea here is to have the troops feel good and there’s really nothing else to it other than that. Let’s get to it.
The standard video from the President and opening video of “it means more to us” start things off.
Sheamus/Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler/Big Show
The governor of Virginia is here. They’re playing this up as live or at least recent, as they mention Orton’s separated shoulder from the Smackdown that aired 12 days ago. Actually the injury seemed to occur in this match so who knows what’s going on. Orton and Ziggler start things off with Barrett pounding away. The commentary is talking about the stuff that happened in the last two nights, so either it was recorded later or they had some BIG spoilers given to Cole and JBL. Show and Ziggler are knocked to the floor and walk away for the countout at 2:20. Well that was pointless.
Oh never mind here’s Booker to say continue the match after a break. Back with Orton pounding on Dolph. Sheamus comes in and gets dropkicked down, but Show drops to the floor to tie his boot rather than face Sheamus. There are the ten forearms to Dolph’s chest and it’s back to Randy to pound away in the corner. He charges into a boot though and Ziggler takes over. A dropkick gets two for Ziggler and it’s off to Show for some pounding. Cole talks about cannonballs and muskets for some reason. Show misses a chop in the corner but Orton’s arm goes out. There’s the injury.
The referee immediately starts checking on him and we cut to the crowd, presumably to not see the X sign. A tag brings in Sheamus as Orton is looked at on the floor. You can see Cole with his head on his hand so I’m guessing he and JBL are just sitting there, meaning the commentary was done later. Sheamus cleans house but goes up top and jumps into a chokeslam. That’s reversed into White Noise for two as Ziggler makes the save, so Orton gives him a very weak looking RKO. Show gets one as well and it’s a Brogue Kick for the pin at 12:54 all together, counting the time Booker took to restart the match.
Rating: C-. I know these shows are for the live fans, but for the seventeen people that watch Smackdown every week, these pairings are so old it’s not even funny anymore. This is where mixing the main event and midcard would work wonders. Do that on Smackdown a bit and then matches like these aren’t as bad. The match wasn’t bad but the injury slowed things down a lot and you can’t hold that against them.
Fergie says hi.
The US Gymnastics Team (there are four here and the team is the Fierce Five) read off a teleprompter about how much they love the troops. Maybe the fifth was fixing the screen.
Gonzo talks to Pepe and Rizzo but the latter two are busy staring at Layla. Eh the Muppets can make anything better.
Flo Rida performs. I see what else is on.
Cena says everything you would expect him to say.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Ryback
Del Rio says we’re here for the troops, but today is also Ricardo’s birthday. He asks for a chorus of Happy Birthday, but Del Rio sings in Spanish because he’s a heel here….I think? Del Rio is slammed down to start but a Ricardo distraction lets Alberto get in some kicks to the leg. A powerslam puts Del Rio down but Ricardo jumps on Ryback’s back for the DQ at 1:30.
Ricardo takes a Shell Shock, as does Del Rio a few seconds later.
Kid Rock performs.
Josh tries to interview Kermit before he’s on MizTV. Statler and Waldorf have some insults of course.
Some soldiers TOUT IT OUT!
Time for MizTV with the Muppets. Miz doesn’t want to talk about Kermit’s new single, but rather he wants to expose him. Miz wants to know the REAL story about what’s going on with Kermit and Piggy. To be fair, that’s a REALLY good question. Kermit: “For me, it’s still don’t ask don’t tell.” Ok point for a funny line. Kermit says he thought Miz was a good guy, but Miz insists he’s just awesome instead of a good guy.
The second guess is Miss Piggy. Miz wants to know what the deal is with these two, so Kermit says they’re just a frog and a pig who care about each other. This turns into a REALLY battle, so Miz says let’s have them get married RIGHT HERE. Damien Sandow interrupts. Kermit: “HALLELUJAH!” Piggy: “WHAT?” Kermit: “Uh I mean….How dare he???”
Sandow makes fun of Miz and says that 78% of the fans have taken the pictures of the Muppets out of their wallets and replaced them with pictures of Sandow. He says that Miz and Piggy are both overrated hams, causing Piggy to go into karate mode. Miz decks Sandow for her.
Damien Sandow vs. The Miz
This is joined in progress after the break with the Muppets watching from the stage. Miz pounds away in the corner and we head to the outside. All Miz so far as he high fives some fans. Back in and Damien pounds away before we hit the chinlock. Kermit of course is having his nightly crisis on the stage until Miz comes back with a flapjack. The Reality Check is broken up and Sandow hits a kind of running Blockbuster for two, but Miz counters the pin into a rollup for the pin at 3:30.
Rating: D+. Nothing to see here but Kermit freaking out is always funny. I’m a die hard Muppets fan and they’ve been by far and away the highlight of the show so far. Just fun all around here, albeit with a boring match for the most part. At the end of the day though, if you want Miz to get over, having him defend the Muppets isn’t the worst idea in the world.
Piggy kisses Miz post match and he likes it.
The Miami Heat love the troops.
Katie Couric loves the troops.
Flo-Rida performs Wild Ones.
We look back at Tribute to the Troops over the years.
HELL NO is in the back and they need a third man to face 3MB. Bryan has picked Little Jimmy, and Kane likes the idea. Truth comes up and says that Little Jimmy’s cousin Ugly Frida is getting married and Little Jimmy has to be there, so it’s Truth teaming up with them tonight. After the match is over, they can go to the club or karaoke or kill some spiders.
Kane blames Bryan for this. Bryan: “IT’S NOT MY FAULT! NO! NO! NO!” A voice from off screen says yes, and it’s Animal from the Muppets. They shout at each other until Animal calls him Goatface. Bryan turns around and runs into…..a talking goat. “Cousin Daniel?” Too funny.
HELL NO/R-Truth vs. 3MB
We cut to a shot of the crowd during HELL NO’s entrance, apparently because Kane tripped and nearly fell off the stage during his entrance. McIntyre and Truth start things off with nothing going on. Bryan comes in and fires off some kicks in the corner, but HE HAS TIL FIVE. Mahal puts on a chinlock for no significant length of time before it’s off to Kane. He cleans house and pounds on Slater, hitting the side slam and top rope clothesline. Everything breaks down and Jinder and Heath break up a double chokeslam. Truth makes a blind tag and there’s the chokeslam to Mahal. Little Jimmy pins Slater at 3:27.
Rating: D+. Nothing to see here but it wasn’t supposed to be anything major. HELL NO needs some opponents in a hurry, as the division is already falling back into obscurity like it always has been. 3MB needs more character development as they can only be clueless schmucks for so long.
Kid Rock performs Born Free.
Cesaro makes fun of the USA and says Switzerland is better. He gets Cena tonight.
Sam the Eagle salutes Cena.
Some guy from Twilight and Sharon Stone love the troops.
John Cena vs. Antonio Cesaro
Cesaro doesn’t even get an entrance. That should tell you where we’re going here. The Muppets introduce Cena, which is completely awesome. Cena pounds him down to start but Cesaro throws him into the corner to take over. They head to the floor with Cena being rammed into the steps. Back in and the gutwrench suplex gets two and here’s the comeback. Cena shrugs off everything Cesaro did, hits the Five Moves of Doom and wins with the AA at 5:23.
Rating: C. If you don’t get why this match happened the way it does, go watch a test pattern. That’s more on your intelligence level.
The locker room empties out and Cena gives a speech about how awesome AMERICA is to end the show. Oh wait there’s one more thing: some more wrestlers come out dressed as reindeer pulling Santa in a sleigh. I don’t recognize Santa this yeah but the idea is there. Cena throws gifts to the fans and the wrestler walks around high fiving people to really end the show. A closeup of Santa shows that it might (emphasis on that word) have been Johnny Ace.
Overall Rating: C-. This didn’t work for me. I get that it’s supposed to be a special, but that’s where it falls short: nothing about this felt special. It felt like a dull Smackdown with a few musical performances thrown in to fill in some time. The being in America part is understandable, but it really takes away a lot of the fun from these shows. It’s not bad, but after this many hours of WWE in the previous three days, it was REALLY hard to get into this show. Not terrible, but this should have been the Christmas Eve Raw. No one is going to watch that anyway, so why waste major stories on it? The Muppets were awesome though.
Results
Randy Orton/Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler/Big Show – Brogue Kick to Big Show
Ryback b. Alberto Del Rio via DQ when Ricardo Rodriguez interfered
The Miz b. Damien Sandow – Rollup
HELL NO/R-Truth b. 3MB – Little Jimmy to Slater
John Cena b. Antonio Cesaro – Attitude Adjustment
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews
Smackdown
Date: December 18, 2012
Location: Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Josh Matthews, John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole
This is a special show so that they can start taping the holiday episodes sooner. This is live as well as commercial free for no apparent reason. After last night’s Slammys, we’ve got a lot of places we can go now, so hopefully the show tonight is as good as Raw was last night. It’s hard to say what to expect from these shows though as they can be hit or miss. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap from last night as you would expect a show to do anymore.
The main event is Cena/Sheamus vs. Big Show/Ziggler as you would expect.
We open with MizTV which has to be the most frequent talk show segment in years. The guests tonight are Ziggler and AJ who haven’t been confirmed as a thing yet. Langston is with them as well. Ok considering AJ and Ziggler kissed on the stage, maybe they are a thing. Miz asks why all of this stuff has happened and AJ says ask Cena why he played with her heart. She lost her job as GM to keep Cena’s good name clean and we get a clip of Cena kissing AJ.
AJ goes on a rant about having her heart broken by Cena. We get a clip from thre weeks ago with Cena and Vickie talking about the bows Vickie found in the locker room. Cena made fun of them, AND THAT IS A PLOT POINT. Yes, an eight second line about FREAKING BOWS is the reason this story is happening. Then Cena told AJ to stop coming to the ring with him, like she was some dirty little secret. Cena is supposed to be better than that, but he broke her heart. Therefore, she broke Cena’s chances at TLC.
Miz asks who Langston is so AJ says he’s Big E. Langston. Ok then. Miz doesn’t really care about what’s going on because AJ is crazy. Apparently that work ticks her off, but she’s proven to Dolph that she’s not crazy. He doesn’t care that Cena won Superstar of the Year, because he stole the show and Cena’s girl. Miz makes fun of AJ for being a sl** and says Ziggler is the sixth member of One Direction. Langston lays out Miz.
Teddy comes up to talk to Booker T with a prospect for a job later. It’s Brad Maddox and Booker goes off on Teddy. Long says that Brad is a good prospect because he has a big social media following. Booker gives him the chance because Teddy says Booker knows what a second chance means. What is with the references to him being an ex-con lately? Maddox gets the match and finds out his opponent later.
Damien Sandow vs. Sin Cara
Rey’s music hits for some reason but there’s no Rey. Cara speeds things up to start and Damien bails to the floor. Back in and Cara walks the corner for the armdrag, followed up by a springboard missile dropkick. Cody breaks up a springboard something and Cara is down on the floor. That gets two for Sandow back inside, as does a suplex. A quick chinlock goes nowhere so there’s the Russian legsweep.
The Wind-Up Elbow misses, but Sin can’t get anything going. Back to the chinlock for a bit until Cara escapes and hits a quick cross body. Cara dives on the Scholars on the floor….and here comes the Shield. They have Mysterio’s mask and throw it at Cara, allowing Sandow to hit the Terminus for the pin, appropriately enough at 6:19.
Rating: D+. Dull match here which didn’t go anywhere. Shield attacking various people is still a good idea, because at least they’ve proven they can back it up. Not a terrible match here, but once Mysterio didn’t show up it was clear that something was up and Shield is the right idea. We still need some reasoning behind these attacks, but it’s not bad yet.
Post match, Shield destroys Cara and hurts his knee, which is likely a way to get Cara off TV for a legit knee problem he’s been having.
Flo-Rida and Miss Piggy waste some time so we can get Cara out of the ring.
Santino Marella vs. Tensai
This is fallout from the presentation of an award last night. Santino grabs a headlock to start but Tensai runs him over. Santino does his power walk thing but stupidly tries to slam the big bald guy. Instead he escapes a powerslam and tries a German suplex. That goes nowhere and a slam completely fails. Off to a weak looking chinlock by the monster before a cross body is no sold. Santino does his signature stuff and finally slams Albert. The Cobra is blocked and Santino is put in a sleeper. The Cobra hits the top of Tensai’s head to no effect. The backsplash misses Santino and he steals a pin that was clearly going to him the whole time at 4:18.
Rating: D-. Tensai, go away. Get off of my television, go back to Japan, go to Belarus, go wherever will take you, but get away from me. You’re a joke, not interesting, not anything to see, and just annoying overall. Just go away already so no one can miss you. Why he was hired back I have no idea.
Cara has a severely injured knee.
We recap the Cena/Flair/Punk/Heyman/HELL NO/Shield/Ryback segment from last night.
Kofi and HELL NO are in the back with Kane telling Kofi to watch over his shoulder for the Shield tonight. Bryan looks ticked off and apparently he’s mad for not winning a Slammy last night. Kofi pulls his Slammy out. “You mean like this one?” They try to console Bryan by reminding him that he got to hang out with Flair, but make the mistake of saying Flair has the best catchphrase ever. Bryan: “NO! NO! NO!” Funny stuff.
Kofi Kingston/HELL NO vs. Prime Time Players/Wade Barrett
Mysterio apparently has a neck injury from the attack by Shield. Kofi and Titus start but Kingston goes right for Wade, allowing the heels to take over. Young gets dropkicked down and here’s Bryan to kick him a lot. There’s the surfboard hold by Bryan and it’s off to Kane for a low dropkick to Young’s chest. Back to Daniel for a dropkick of his own as I think this match is going to last awhile.
Bryan fires off the kicks to Young in the corner but gets caught in a Stun Gun to change the momentum. Barrett comes in to pound away for a bit, but Bryan dives away for a tag to Kofi. The IC Champion goes off on Wade but Young breaks up Trouble in Paradise, allowing Barrett to clothesline Kofi to the floor. The Players work over Kingston as we look at the crowd to see if Shield is coming. Apparently Mysterio’s neck injury is a SEVERE neck injury and not just a regular one. Good to know.
Barrett pounds away on Kofi a bit for two before it’s back to Young. Kofi finally comes back with a tornado DDT out of the corner, allowing for a double hot tag to Kane and Titus. The masked man takes over and hits a side slam for two. The top rope clothesline misses and there’s the Clash of the Titus to Kane, but Bryan makes the save. Everything breaks down and Darren gets the tag. Bryan pulls Titus to the floor and the chokeslam pins Young at 10:45.
Rating: C-. Not bad here but where are we supposed to go with either of these feuds? HELL NO has beaten the Players time after time, while Kofi has beaten Barrett in their PPV title match. Then again, these feuds are likely going to keep going because that makes it easier on the writers, and Heaven forbid they have to figure out something new.
It’s the top of the hour so let’s hit that recap button.
Sheamus explains some UK comedy show to Cena but he doesn’t get it. He says Langston is the strongest person he’s ever faced, which seems to turn Sheamus on. Sheamus asks what’s up with AJ. “You can tell me, no one is around.” Cena whispers in Sheamus’ ear and Sheamus starts to laugh but is disturbed by something Cena says. John says more though and Sheamus isn’t sure what to think. He looks scared but Cena was kidding him. Sheamus: “But is that even possible?”
Here are Punk and Heyman with something to say. Punk says the fans are going to look back in the years and be shocked that they didn’t vote Punk Superstar of the Year. He talks about how the fans clearly don’t care about winning and losing, meaning they’re the kinds of parents who put their kinds in t-ball where they don’t keep score so the kids don’t know how big of a failure they are. Punk rips on Cena for being a mockery of the words on his shirt: Hustle, Loyalty and Respect.
This turns into an anti-Flair promo because Punk says he never loses. He’s been champion for nearly 400 days and he’s still here two weeks after having knee surgery. He’s not on strike like the Pittsburgh Penguins because he doesn’t have an off season. No one can beat him, and here’s Ryback. You know, that guy that loses every match he’s in anymore. Ryback actually talks, and says that on the first Raw of the year, he’s getting his title shot against Punk.
Antonio Cesaro vs. Ryback
Ryback throws Cesaro to the floor to start and pounds his head into the mat back inside. The Goldberg chant start and Ryback hits the Thesz Press and a splash. All Ryback so far. Cesaro bails to the floor before the Meat Hook can hit and gets his belt to leave. Ryback heads to the floor and tries to throw Antonio back in, but Cesaro escapes and sends Ryback into the steps for a nine count.
Back in and Antonio hooks a cobra sleeper for a few moments. Ryback misses a charge in the corner, sending his shoulder into the post. A middle rope European Uppercut gets two for Cesaro and it’s off to a cravate. Ryback fights up and pounds Cesaro down before hitting the Meat Hook. Shell Shock gets the clean pin at 5:11.
Rating: C. Erg. If you need to put Ryback over someone to keep him strong, PICK SOMEONE OTHER THAN THE FREAKING UNITED STATES CHAMPION. This was just a step above a squash as the steps and post did way more damage to Ryback than Cesaro did. The match was nothing good either, but the fans were WAY into it.
We see Miz going through Navy training. He also flies a plane. Riveting stuff.
AJ comes up to Kaitlyn in the back and Kaitlyn doesn’t want to talk to her. Kaitlyn tells AJ she’s tired of this and a brawl breaks out.
Divas Title: Eve Torres vs. Kaitlyn
We get a freaking recap of the brawl that just happened ON A SHOW WITH NO COMMERCIALS. REALLY? We REALLY NEEDED THAT??? Kaitlyn gets thrown down to start and Eve hits her running flip splash for two. We head to the floor with Eve still in control. Nothing happens there so here’s a Downward Spiral for two by Eve.
Off to a chinlock by the champion (Eve if that wasn’t clear) until Kaitlyn gets two off a small package. A sloppy middle rope sunset flip gets two for Kaitlyn as does the reverse DDT. Kaitlyn dives onto Eve off the apron to the flor as this just keeps going. Kaitlyn goes up but Eve grabs the referee’s foot….AND THAT’S A DQ at about 5:20.
Rating: D. OH GOOD FREAKING GRIEF. If there was EVER a time to change this stupid belt, it was right here. Kaitlyn isn’t anywhere near good in the ring and now we have to sit through a long match until we get to THAT stupid ending? Give me a freaking break. Terrible match with a bad ending on top of that.
Ziggler says he’s a future world champion when Show comes up. He threatens Ziggler and Langston looks to stare Show down, only to have AJ stop him. Show threatens to kill Dolph if he tries to cash in tonight.
We recap the Sheamus/Show stuff from last night which included the attempted cash in by Ziggler, only to see Cena spoil it. Jerk.
Brad Maddox vs. Brodus Clay
Brodus pounds away with headbutts to start and drops some elbows. Maddox comes back with a quick dropkick to the side of the head for one and we hit the chinlock. Brodus comes back with a splash in the corner and suplex to set up the splash for the pin at 2:08. Same Maddox match as always.
Post match it’s the Shield to beat down Brodus. They actually hit the SuperBomb.
Dolph Ziggler/Big Show vs. John Cena/Sheamus
Apparently Santa Claus is hosting Raw on Monday. Shouldn’t he be working? Cena and Ziggler start things off with Dolph ducking under a Cena punch and strutting a bit. Off to Show so Cena can fire away punches with little effect. Show misses the chop and gets dropkicked into the corner. Show pounds him right back down again and it’s off to Ziggler for some elbow drops.
Cena backdrops Ziggler down but can’t make the tag before Show comes back in. He stays in for about two seconds so it’s back to Ziggler. Dolph misses a splash in the corner and there’s the tag to Sheamus. He hits the ten forearms on the apron but has to stop to punch Show before he can hit White Noise. The Cloverleaf is broken up with Sheamus being kicked to the floor. Show takes Sheamus’ head off and the match slows down again.
Sheamus gets pounded on now as we hit the second heat segment of the match. Show gets in his usual power stuff, followed by Ziggler pounding away for awhile with his usual stuff. Back to Show whose chokeslam is countered into a DDT to put both guys down. The double tag brings in Cena to face Ziggler and everything breaks down. Sheamus and Show head to the floor and then up the ramp as Ziggler gets two off the Zig Zag. There’s the AA to Dolph but Langston comes in for the DQ at 11:30.
Rating: C-. Why, it’s almost like this was EXACTLY THE SAME THING THEY DID LAST NIGHT. Good grief are the writers that creatively bankrupt? I mean, it’s the NEXT DAY and you can’t come up with another idea? This match did very little to make me feel better about this show, which has been the same story that this match had: no reason for it to exist.
The heels pose to end the show. Seriously, that’s it. Oh wait we do get a commercial for Tribute to the Troops because EIGHT HOURS OF TV THIS WEEK ISN’T ENOUGH.
Overall Rating: D. What in the world was the point in this being a special? The lack of commercials makes an already tiring show even more exhausting as you don’t get a breather if you want to see the whole thing. The main event was your standard main event tag match and it’s nothing to see at all. There’s nothing of note here and while it’s not a horrible show, it falls into the same category Smackdown stays in anymore: completely unnecessary viewing.
Results
Damien Sandow b. Sin Cara – Terminus
Santino Marella b. Tensai – Pin after Tensai missed a backsplash
HELL NO/Kofi Kingston b. Prime Time Players/Wade Barrett – Chokeslam to Young
Ryback b. Antonio Cesaro – Shell Shock
Kaitlyn b. Eve Torres via DQ when Eve grabbed the referee
Brodus Clay b. Brad Maddox – Splash
John Cena/Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler/Big Show via DQ when Big E. Langston interfered
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews
Anyone that follows my stuff knows I’m relatively neutral on Cena. I respect his work and think he’s one of the greatest superstars ever, However lately his character has had some continuity issues. Note that this is all in kayfabe of course.1. Over the summer, Cena says that Big Show winning the title would be disastrous. Well Big Show won the Smackdown Title two months ago and Cena doesn’t seem to be running through the streets saying the sky is falling.
2. Last night Cena says how much he respects Flair, but he’s perfectly fine with Shield beating him up. However, when Ziggler, a guy that beat him clean the night before (no rules means interference is clean) tries to legally cash in a MITB case, Cena runs to the rescue. Was he in a rousing game of pinball earlier?
I was watching the 1997 Rumble and I realized something.Austin was without a doubt capable of being world champion in April of 1997. He was a beast in the Rumble and pushed harder than probably anyone ever had been in that match. Yet he wasn’t world champion in 1997 and wouldn’t be for over 15 months. This decision might have been what kept WWF in business.
Instead of being world champion, Austin got to spend a year in the main event Border War with Bret and the Harts, which was his real seasoning. Austin lost the feud, but by the end of it he was ready. There was no question that Austin was the top star in the company and ready for the championship.
The key difference is that today, someone is handed a title almost immediately (see Sheamus for an example) and is thrown into the main event with it. This rarely works and is a horrible idea, as once they can’t handle it, they have to spend the better part of a year building themselves up again. In the worst business year the company ever had, they held off on Austin before riding him to heights never before or since seen a year later. Now when they have ZERO competition, they throw everyone into the main event as soon as they arrive and business is steadily going downhill. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence right?