http://www.411mania.com/wrestling/news/269182/UPDATED:-El-Generico-Reportedly-Signs-With-WWE.htm
I’m not a big fan of the guy but apparently he’s got a decent following online. This is more of the international push that WWE is on which isn’t a bad idea at all. I see no issue with this signing.
Thoughts?
New Year’s Revolution 2005
Date: January 9, 2005
Location: Coliseo de Puerto Rico, San Juan, Puerto Rico
Attendance: 15, 764
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
So for no apparent reason, we’re in Puerto Rico for this one. This is more or less all about one match: the Elimination Chamber. The title has been vacated (a Puerto Rican tradition) because there had been a double pin in a match with HHH, Edge and Benoit.
Jericho, Orton and Batista are being thrown in there because we need six people and they’re the other three big guys on Raw at the moment. Shawn is guest referee for no apparent reason. Other than that the big match is Kane vs. Snitsky. See what I mean when I say it’s about one match? Let’s get to it.
The opening video is the epitome of generic. It just says that the Chamber is big and bad and all that. There’s nothing else mentioned about the rest of the card at all which isn’t likely a good sign.
Raw Tag Titles: Eugene/William Regal vs. Christian/Tyson Tomko
Regal and Eugene are past their peak of intrigue but at least it’s about to end. However it’s because Eugene destroys his knee in this and is out for about 6 months because of it. For once the Spanish announce team serves a perfect function. I have no idea what I mean by that either. Christian is completely lacking credibility at this point but he’ll be heading to TNA later in the year.
Eugene is wearing a Hogan shirt for no apparent reason. It’s a comedy match in case you didn’t get it. This is where the Eugene character needed to go away. Good night Christian deserves better than this. And Eugene hits the floor and slaps hands with the fans for no apparent reason. He follows this up to dive under the ring. I already hate this match. We get an airplane spin as I would love to hear Gorilla and Jesse argue over Eugene.
The intellectually challenged one Hulks Up and tags Regal in. Well at least he’s willing to let someone else in for the glory part. Oh man Christian gets a shot in on the nose and Regal is bleeding badly. Too much cocaine I guess. Christian pulls Eugene off the apron and Regal gets there for a tag but there’s no partner. Can I get some Wah Wah Wah music? This is running way too long at this point.
Eugene gets a big old pop for the hot tag. He cleans house but lands totally on his knee, ripping it to pieces and putting him on the shelf for six months. He’s more or less dead weight now and I don’t think the others know it yet. To his credit though he hobbles up and gets a bad rollup on Tomko whose shoulder was up but to be fair he did what he could. He gets taken out on a stretcher.
Rating: B-. It was a formula tag match but the ending changes the whole thing. It’s fairly clear that the champions retained here, but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and say B-. It wasn’t terrible but it wasn’t great either. Eugene gets bonus points for finishing the match though so there we are.
In the back, Christian and Tomko run into Edge. Edge says he has an idea.
We recap Trish and Lita, which makes me think I have to give them credit for coming up with a story rather than saying we know we’ve got nothing else so here you go. Trish is the heel here and had been all evil when Lita lost her baby. She responded by breaking Trish’s nose.
Trish says she’s ready.
Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Lita
How many times did these two fight, about a million? Ross calls it a tag title for no apparent reason. I love her theme song actually. Trish’s cleavage is big enough to hide a small country in. They fight for a bit before Trish goes to the floor. Lita goes to the apron and throws a Thesz Press at Trish, and rips HER knee to shreds.
Literally, two matches and two torn knees. She would be out for a few months also as she ripped her ACL. They actually continue the match though for about another three minutes before Lita just has nothing left and the Chick Kick gives Trish another title.
Rating: N/A. Not fair to grade them on this at all. As for a grade, I’d go with DD. That’s of course for Dogma and Dreams, which was my textbook in my political theory class. What did you think it was for?
Edge wants out of the Chamber and offers his spot to Christian, Bischoff says no and Shawn shows up to say he’ll call it fairly. Thanks for your presence here Shawn. Again, why aren’t you in the actual match?
Intercontinental Title: Shelton Benjamin vs. Maven
No backstory here at all as it’s more or less just a random title match. This was more or less the last ditch effort to make Maven mean a thing. Amazingly enough it didn’t work at all. Shelton is WAY over here as this was right before the hottest period of his career and four months before the match with Shawn that made him the hottest thing on the planet and is still his career highlight.
The heat on Maven is excellent. He cuts a promo in the middle of the match, saying that he doesn’t know how many people here speak English. He’s getting some very decent heat here. I’m almost impressed. He throws in a little Spanish, telling the fans to shut their mouths. This is a fine idea but this has gone on five minutes.
And now he’s leaving. He changes his mind at 9 and turns back to the ring. Literally 5 seconds after he gets in he gets rolled up for a pin. He gets on the mic and says he wants another match because that didn’t count. Shelton comes in, the bell rings, he hits the Exploder Suplex and it’s over in 5 seconds.
Rating: N/A. WHAT WAS THE FREAKING POINT OF THIS??? Literally this was ten minutes that just made no sense at all and there were two “matches”. What in the heck was going on here? I flat out do not get this, but if it was an actual match it would fail and fail hard.
Hassan says that Ross and Lawler are in trouble and that he’s not nervous. He calls Puerto Rico second rate. The crowd has been white hot all night so this gets them really going.
Muhammad Hassan vs. Jerry Lawler
To say Hassan was hated is an understatement. He actually was considered for a run with a world title and I was fine with that. The bell sounds really weird for some reason. And Ross goes with Lawler to the ring so there is zero commentary for this match. Um, ok? Lawler is of course completely over here and this is just a basic storyline to get Hassan over. The lack of commentary is just weird to see in a match.
It’s like watching the match in the arena which is kind of cool actually but it’s leaving me with far less material to go with. Daivari tries to steal Ross’ hat. Lawler gets in some basic stuff here but it’s more or less a total squash here and that’s just fine. This match does get some time and the best thing with that is they have Lawler get in some offense to keep Hassan from just dominating the entire time.
This is where Lawler is incredibly valuable: he’s still loved enough and in good enough shape that you can throw him in a match when you need to in order to put someone over or make someone seem evil. The fans however aren’t as enthralled by this as a boring chant starts.
I mean really, that chant is boring. Can’t they be the slightest bit original? Lawler survives the cobra clutch and we get the showdown with Lawler and Daivari. It winds up with Lawler walking into a downward spiral for the win though.
Rating: C-. The match should have gone a bit shorter but this was fine. It gave Hassan the win he needed and blew off the storyline so that’s all you can ask for I guess. This was fine I guess but it was really nothing special at the end of the day. The commentary thing really was weird and hurt it I think.
Orton and Batista have a really badly acted showdown. Orton wants to know if Batista is going to beat up HHH or kiss up to him. Why do I picture Vince drooling over the second possibility?
Wrestlemania Recall: Mania 12 and the iron man. I guess this was a way to let Ross get back to the announce booth.
Coach joins Ross for commentary until King gets back. I guess Ross is no Joey Styles.
We recap Kane vs. Snitsky. More or less Lita was Kane’s wife and was pregnant and in a match vs. a jobber named Gene Snitsky, Kane was pushed onto Lita and she lost her baby. Snitsky and Kane feuded, and Kane jobbed. And people wonder why no one takes him seriously.
Kane vs. Gene Snitsky
We get the Ross lingo of bowling shoe ugly, translating into we know it’s going to suck but it’s all we’ve got. And yeah it’s crap. The problem here is that no one cares about Gene at all and he and Kane are more or less the exact same style. When it’s Taker there’s at least the chance that he can shift things up a bit. Here that just isn’t going to happen as it’s nothing but big men using power moves and the occasional work with weapons even though there are disqualifications in this match.
There’s at least a reason this is happening but we’re at 8 minutes here and this is showing no signs of actually ending anytime soon. These guys should have no more than like 10 at the very most. And now we’re at 10 or so. Oh joy indeed. It’s the same exact stuff going on all day here too: power moves from both guys, one guy hits two power moves in a row, resthold, start it all over again.
Snitsky bites Kane’s ear in there somewhere for a reference to a boxing match nearly 8 years old. Oh and they’ve also managed to kill the best crowd I can remember in awhile. This is just boring. FINALLY Kane hits a tombstone to no pop to get the pin.
Rating: D-. Seriously, 12 minutes for these two? Are you freaking KIDDING me? Against a small guy, Kane might have maybe been able to make this passable. This was just freaking stupid though and it was painful to watch.
We get the ad for the 2005 Rumble: West Side Story version. For the life of me, someone made money for coming up with this. That blows my mind to this day. “We’ll step into the ring and reach an understanding. When the smoke has cleared I’ll be the last man standing.” I wonder why no one was watching back then.
Lawler is back.
We go poolside for some reason to see the Divas and Simon Dean from earlier in the day. Maria and Christy….wow. For no apparent reason Val Venis, Rosey, Hurricane and a guy I couldn’t see get a Diva on all of their shoulders and we have a big chicken fight. Christy wins by pulling Maria’s top off and shoving her in the water. They looked great, but what the heck was the point of this?
We go from that to a statue of the Virgin Mary. The irony here kills me as 3 of the 4 girls in there were in Playboy at one time or another. Oh never mind it’s Christopher Columbus. I’m a Protestant so there you are.
We recap the chamber which more or less is Benoit and HHH both pinned Edge so the title was held up. The other three were just thrown in so we could have a major gimmick match.
Raw World Title: Chris Jericho vs. HHH vs. Edge vs. Batista vs. Chris Benoit vs. Randy Orton
The order of the people coming in was preset through a Beat the Clock challenge. Not wild on that but I can certainly life with it as it’s not a terribly huge deal. HHH and Batista have been arguing as HHH thinks it’s about him and Batista is more or less the hottest thing on the freaking planet at this point with no one being able to even come close to touching him.
There was no way he was winning here though as that was clearly being saved for Mania. Ross is WAY too excited for this. Evolution argues a bit in the back before the match as we’re just killing time now. Bischoff does a big long intro as they might as well have him saying I’m stalling here. A LONG explanation of the rules from Lillian follows as at least she’s something to look at.
Shawn is the referee here and gets a great pop. Edge, HHH, Orton and Batista who is coming in last are all in pods. We’re at about 15 minutes since the last match ended and we’re not only halfway through the intros yet. Ok so 23 minutes after the Kane match ends, Benoit and Jericho get going. Good to see that they’re going fast here. Any combination of these two and Angle means entertainment so I can’t complain at all here.
With Shawn in there also, you’re looking at over 15 IC Title reigns if my math is right. Yep this is still awesome. Like I said, these two are really hard to mess up. I did say that didn’t I? Oh ok. Well this pairing is hard to mess up. So now, like I said, these two are really hard to mess up. Benoit gets the top rope suplex and lands on his head. That simply can’t be good. The chamber really is an awesome sight.
Oh I think the chamber order is random other than Batista. HHH is in third. Good night that’s a lot of IC Title reigns. He more or less destroys both Canadians as they can’t look good in the same match as HHH right? Well to be fair they’re both worn down so that’s fine. Benoit has a DEEP cut on his forehead. Jericho blocks a Pedigree to put HHH on the cage outside the ring. The Chamber really is an amazing spectacle.
Everyone is down and it’s Edge. Yeah it is random other than the final spot. I like that actually. He spears or hits Edgecutions on everyone. He needs to go back to that when he returns. Edge breaks out a belly to belly. That’s a new one on me from him. Jericho is having the tar beaten out of him by everyone but somehow HHH is standing tall. Who would have seen that? He gets another Pedigree countered and he hits the steal again.
Jericho gets busted open but it’s a girly man cut. Edge avoids the crossface. HHH is bleeding on the nose. He’s also managing to control more of this match than everyone else is somehow. Now who would have predicted something like THAT? Jericho takes a Pedigree just in time for Orton to come in with everyone down. Orton had been hot as all goodness about 4 months ago so he was promptly given a one month reign to get the belt off Benoit to put it back on HHH.
Orton never beat him again in that run and he hasn’t been that hot since. But hey, HHH got another title reign out of it right? The fans are chanting RKO. See what I mean? More or less everyone in this whole match is over as free beer in a frat house other than HHH but whatever. Jericho gets an RKO as he’s just not having a good night.
Benoit gets a diseased crossface on Orton. He’s up on one knee and it’s really just a chinlock with the arm down. Benoit puts HHH in the Sharpshooter but Orton hits an RKO on him. Why he wouldn’t wait until HHH tapped is beyond me but whatever. Edge accidentally spears Shawn and then Orton but there’s no referee. He yells at Shawn and suddenly is out cold and Jericho hits a Lionsault after the chin music to put Edge out.
Jericho gets out of his second Pedigree. That’s three times he’s been set up for it. Dang does HHH just like having Canadians between his legs? Benoit hits a MASSIVE swandive headbutt from the top of the pod before being put in both the Walls of Jericho AND THE CROSSFACE. He hangs on FOR THIRTY SECONDS before Batista comes in for the save. Yeah, that’s not completely insane or ridiculous or anything like that.
He’s just been in a 15 minute mega cage match and then taken a former world champion’s finisher after being in the Sharpshooter for a decent while earlier and now has two MORE world champion finishing moves on him, but he can hang on for 30 seconds. Do you see why he’s so freaking hated? It’s ALL Batista here and the crowd is way into him. Oh and HHH is back up 30 seconds later. That is just freaking stupid on so many levels.
Batista throws Jericho into a cameraman to give us a cool camera shot. In a cool looking spot, Batista spinebusters Benoit and then spinebusters (spinebusts?) Jericho on top of him. That’s followed by an AWESOME Batista Bomb to eliminate Jericho and it’s an all Evolution final. Why my stars and garter belts, who would have seen this coming? So more or less it’s now Orton vs. the world. The crowd is relatively quiet but they’re popping at various times to make sure they’re still alive.
Orton stays alive and manages to get a low blow and an RKO to end Batista. HHH sits back and lets him get pinned which would become an issue on Raw later on. Orton gets the RKO but Batista stayed in and Flair gets in somehow so Batista can more or less end Orton with a clothesline that was a secondary finisher back in the day. Why did we need Flair to stop him? I mean it’s not like Shawn can do anything about Batista. Also why are referees so freaking dumb?
He saw the RKO and then Batista is behind him and all of a sudden Orton is down and HHH is in the same spot. How dumb are you man? The Pedigree ends this. A massive HHH worshipping festival takes us out.
Rating: B. Once Jericho was out, there might as well have just been a big celebration for HHH then as it was obvious he was going to win the whole thing. The drama was lacking badly for a long time here and in the end it was little more than a cheap way to get HHH his tenth title reign.
Edge, Benoit and Jericho had little purpose in this at all as it was always going to come down to those three. This was good though as the violence was all there and the gimmick is always cool. Not terrible but not epic like some others. The time here, 35 minutes, is about perfect though for one of these things.
Overall Rating: D+. This was just not a very good show at all. There is just nothing at all to talk about on it as it felt like something between a Raw and a PPV. The wrestling is ok at best and other than HHH getting his title back that he had already, nothing really happened here.
Hassan winning shocks no one, Trish gets another meaningless title reign and Eugene is hurt so the tag titles are changed soon after this. I mean, I don’t get it. What’s the appeal of this? The main event is good but by no means required viewing.
Other than that, take a rather large pass on this one. It’s not terrible, but it’s just not good. As much as people are going to get on me, it reminded me of Genesis a lot: decent wrestling throughout, but nothing at all that makes you really have to see the show.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews
I’m watching the 2005 Rumble and there’s a stretch in the early part with an amazing group of talent coming in one after another. My task for you all: rank the talent in the ring at the moment. The guys in the match currently are: Guerrero, Benoit, Mysterio, Benjamin, Edge, Booker T and Chris Jericho. I’m looking for what order you think they have in overall talent, not prestige or accomplishments. My order:1. Chris Jericho
2. Chris Benoit
3. Edge
4. Shelton Benjamin
5. Rey Mysterio
6. Eddie Guerrero
7. Booker T
At the end of the day, there isn’t a wrong answer to this question.
Give me lists. NOW!
As confirmed by WWE.comAlberto Del Rio beat Big Show in a last man standing match to win the World Heavyweight Title. I’m very surprised by this and the field is now open for guesses on what it means for the Rumble and Mania, but I can’t imagine Del Rio holding the title until then. Also for you trivia people, this is the first time the title has changed hands on Smackdown since 2011.
Thoughts/predictions?
I’ve been saying this for months and last night it finally hit full on. Punk became a great heel last night becauseHe was delusional. He went completely over the top and started making absurd claims right in the face of the Rock and it made people boo him. With him saying stuff like he would have been champion for thirty years in Bruno’s time and saying how he’s the one guy who didn’t sell out, it made him seem completely insane in his ramblings. This is in contrast to the way he was talking about Cena, when Punk was making perfectly rational claims about how the goalpost kept being moved on him. Fans were split by that because Punk was talking sense, but now that he’s delusional, booing him made sense.
Why it took seven months to get to this point is beyond me, but at least it finally happened.
Monday Night Raw
Date: December 19, 2005
Location: Bagram Air Force Base, Bagram, Afghanistan
Commentators: Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler
It’s time for Tribute to the Troops. I had planned to do the rest of these shows, but they are freaking HARD to find. This is the only one I could find a full copy of at the moment so you’re stuck with it. This is one of those shows that doesn’t take itself seriously and there’s nothing wrong with that. The main event tonight is HHH vs. Michaels in a boot camp match, which should be entertaining if nothing else. Let’s get to it.
This is a special episode of Raw, not a regular special if that makes sense. Also as usual with these shows, the ratings are going to be much lighter.
We open with the soldiers running up to meet the WWE guys.
Video on how awesome WWE is for doing this.
Here’s Vince to open the show. He says Santa himself may be here tonight, but he’s not sure what to give some people. Tonight is about the troops who the media back home doesn’t understand and it’s time to tell their stories. Vince brings out Lillian Garcia in a sexy Santa outfit to sing the national anthem.
Video on WWE landing in Germany for a pit stop.
Big Show vs. Carlito
Carlito pounds away as well as he can but jumps into a chokeslam for the pin. This barely lasted a minute.
According to Joey, it’s about 45 degrees in Afghanistan so I can understand them wanting to get out of the ring quickly.
Video on troops detonating landmines.
Here’s Coach to introduce Santa. Santa is in camo and has a beard that covers his face. He talks about how no one cares about the troops and insults their base. Santa complains about there not being any Dom Perignon for his reindeer and says that he’s canceling Christmas, New Year’s, St. Patrick’s Day, Cinco De Mayo, Groundhog’s Day and Oktoberfest! This brings out a Santa in red who says that HE is the real Santa. The Bad Santa says that the only Ho Ho Ho’s around here are the Divas and the red Santa is an imposter. The Red Santa suggests a No Ho Ho Holds Barred match to determine who the real Santa is.
Good Santa vs. Bad Santa
Good Santa loses his hat and is revealed to be Mick Foley (of course). He hits Bad Santa with a sack of toys, revealing JBL in the camo. Foley pulls the pillow from under his shirt and hits JBL in the head with it. JBL thankfully no sells it (Joey: “Mick, IT’S A PILLOW!”) and kicks Mick in the head. The Clothesline misses and it’s Socko for the win. This was great fun.
We see some clips of a press conference with Cena and Trish answering some questions.
Video on MSNBC being in Afghanistan as well.
Shelton Benjamin vs. Snitsky
Gene (Snitsky’s first name for awhile) takes Shelton down to start and rips the buckle pad off. Shelton comes back with some fast shots to the head but splashes the buckle, allowing Snitsky to kick his head off for the pin. Shelton is on a big losing streak here which would result in Mama Benjamin showing up to get him on the right track again.
John Cena vs. Chris Masters
Cena is champion but this is non-title for no apparent reason. Masters runs Cena over with a shoulder block but Cena takes him to the mat with a front chancery. That would be move #19 or so that I can think of Cena using over the years. Masters gets low bridged to the floor for some brawling before we head back in. Chris puts on a front chancery of his own as the fans chant for Cena. There’s the Masterlock but Masters lets go of it instead of letting it get broken. Well to be fair he isn’t famous for his brain. A middle rope fist drop misses Cena and they slug it out. Cena hits his usual stuff and finishes with the FU.
Rating: C. This was fine. Cena is incredibly popular on these trips so having him win a quick match is perfectly fine. There wasn’t supposed to be anything intense here and that’s what the fans got. Masters would be in the Elimination Chamber in a few weeks after this and would actually make it to the final two or three.
Video on troops missing their families.
Here’s Coach to call out Ric Flair. Some banter occurs, and Flair is challenged to defend the Intercontinental Title RIGHT NOW.
Intercontinental Title: Ric Flair vs. Jonathan Coachman
Coach gets in a quick elbow and chokes away with a shirt to start but Flair comes back with chops in the corner. Flair asks the referee for the time and hits Coach low in a classic Naitch move. Figure Four and we’re done.
Video on the troops being heroes.
Music video on the WWE people meeting the troops.
Maria almost walks into a bomb shelter.
Maria/Candace Michelle vs. Trish Stratus/Ashley Massaro
Trish is rocking the camo outfit here which REALLY works on her. Ashley and Maria start things off and what are you really expecting here? Candace wants to fight Trish but runs when Trish comes in. I think Candace and Maria are heels but Maria is too goofy to be evil. Candance gets body surfed by the troops for a bit but it’s time to dance a bit first.
Michelle lays on the ropes but Trish shoves Michelle to the outside and lays on the ropes herself. Trish accidentally headscissors the referee down and it’s time for the chops from Stratus. Now the headscissors takes Candace down. Off to Ashley who gets rolled up for the pin out of nowhere.
Rating: A. This was about getting hot women in small outfits for the troops. It worked.
The Divas celebrate with the troops post match.
The troops are constantly in danger and some awards they’ve won.
Video on the WWE people meeting the troops again.
HHH vs. Shawn Michaels
Bootcamp match which basically means street fight. Shawn has his camera with him which I always find cool. He’s also in camo which is a nice touch. HHH punches him down to start as we have credits going along the bottom of the screen. Shawn cranks on the arm to slow things down and gets two off a backslide. We hit the third armbar before Shawn gets elbowed back to the floor.
Back from a break with Shawn being backdropped out to the floor. HHH tries a Pedigree on the outside but gets backdropped down instead. Shawn blasts HHH in the face with a sandbag and pounds away even more. HHH comes back with a gas can to the head, giving off a big THUD. They slug it out in the aisle and head back in where HHH is thrown over the corner and right back to the floor.
Shawn hits him in the head with a mop of all things but gets sent face first into the post as a result. Back in and there goes the referee, meaning HHH’s DDT gets no count. Another referee slides in for two, resulting in a shoving match with HHH. The referee has an Army insignia on his arm so HHH blasts him in the face. Shawn takes HHH down but can’t follow up. They slug it out with Shawn taking over with his usual stuff. The Pedigree is countered into a catapult and Chin Music ends this.
Rating: C+. Again, what did you expect here? The idea was to give the fans something fun to end the show and that’s exactly what they did. There could have been more weapons used here but the stuff they had was fine. Shawn winning sends the troops back to their barracks happy and that’s the right idea for something like this.
A final music video ends things.
Overall Rating: C+. This is always hard to grade but this was fine. This isn’t a show that you can grade like a usual one and I wasn’t about to try to. The troops got to see something fun and have a good time and the WWE gets to look good. This was fun like it was supposed to be and that’s about all there is to it. In other words, simple and fun, which is more than you get from a lot of wrestling shows.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews
New Year’s Revolution 2006
Date: January 8, 2006
Location: Pepsi Arena, Albany, New York
Attendance: 11,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Jonathan Coachman
Ok, so quite a bit has changed in the last year or so. Cena is now the Raw Champion and yet again the main event here is the Elimination Chamber, which is fine as they’re just bringing it out once a year to kick it off in some style so I can’t complain on that front. Anyway, other than Cena against five fairly weak challengers, the other things on the card are Big Show vs. HHH which actually is intriguing and…uh…actually never mind. There’s nothing else worth mentioning at all on here. Let’s get to this.
The video is of course all about the Chamber as you would expect of it. Joey’s voice here is either great or terrible and I’m not sure which.
Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. Ric Flair
Edge has the MITB at the moment and Flair has the title. Flair being the IC Champion was kind of a cool thing as he never held the belt before. He also brought some prestige to the belt which it was sorely lacking. Now I don’t know how smart it is to have a guy pushing 60 holding the midcard title, but Flair was still almost bearable in the ring at this point so it’s ok I guess.
This is going on as Flair had legitimately had a road rage incident and Edge did a hilarious parody of it. At this point Flair’s personal life was such a wreck because of a nasty divorce that he more or less was staying in the ring to pay his bills. This is your run of the mill Flair match here as Edge beats him up for a good while and works on his back, as it certainly has never healed at all in over 30 years.
Since I can more or less call the next few spots, I randomly start singing Trish’s theme song. Flair has so much charisma it’s scary. And Flair puts the figure four on Lita for no apparent reason, making Edge hit him with the case for the DQ. Well that came out of nowhere. At least the ending makes sense a bit as he’s protecting Lita. Flair bleeds. No need for the case here as a stiff glare could crack his head open.
Rating: C-. Standard Flair match here and while the ending is a bit odd, it’ll make sense in a little while and if you’re not familiar with that, you’ll find out soon enough. It looks like tomato soup on Flair which is just stupid but whatever. Not a terrible match as it was more or less acceptable.
Angle, a heel here, says he wants America to lose the war in Iraq. Well he’s 1 for 1. He says he likes France, doesn’t like black people, and he wants to go back in time and make Jesus tap out. Apparently no matter what he says people will cheer for him because he’s so awesome. That’s clever actually.
Flair is STILL being taken out. I’d hate to see what chicken noodle would do. Apparently if you put your hands on Lita, you pay. Dang that must be a poor locker room.
Recap of Mickie vs. Trish. Mickie was still insane and they would feud over the title for a good while, including at Backlash 2006 which I attended. Mickie beat Victoria for this shot. She was about to go nuts and heel at the same time after kissing Trish. It was interesting if nothing else.
Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Trish Stratus
This is a weird match as Mickie is acting all honored to be in there and Trish is creeped out and annoyed by it. It’s a nice bit of storytelling that you rarely get in a lot of wrestling today, especially women’s wrestling. Trish does kind of a baseball slide and misses to let Mickie take over. James is WAY over here also as her character really was great. It’s weird as Mickie James is on Smackdown at the moment and she looks so different now and then.
She’s fat now? She looks about the same, but she’s wearing skirts here and jeans on Smackdown, that’s about it. This is more of a psychological match instead of based on wrestling which while hard to do can indeed work. Mickie hits the Stratusfaction as I’m liking the thinking of the match. Trish hits the Chick Kick out of nowhere for the pin. That’s a bit anticlimactic but it was good so I’ll take it.
Rating: C+. Not everyone is going to like this match as it’s not your standard match. They were going more for psychology and character development here and I’d say it was certainly a success. Fun match but this was really just a piece to the puzzle if that makes sense.
Maria interviews herself about the bra and panties gauntlet. She’s the ditzy blonde here so it’s a bit different but charming to an extent. Gregory Helms shows up to cut her off and he’s about as awesome as he’s ever been here as the ridiculously cocky heel.
Shelton Benjamin and his mother are here. This was somewhere between brilliant, hilarious and freaking stupid.
Edge doesn’t want to answer internet questions. He has Lita do it instead.
Self Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior DVD ad. This went about as ridiculously far into unfairness as you could possibly go as they bury this guy harder than they do anyone I’ve ever seen.
Jerry Lawler vs. Gregory Helms
This is more or less the same thing that they did with Hassan last year as they were just giving Helms this to get him over as a cruiserweight trying to fight heavyweight guys. Apparently Lawler said Helms sucked and he got slapped or vice versa, and I think it was the original. I love how Coach tries to act like he means something. The idea worked as I want to smack him already but then again I always do.
Helms is mostly dominating here so at least they’ve got that working right. In a funny line, Coach says he isn’t sure which chin Helms is grabbing. Helms pulls a Rock and does his own commentary in the match as this is going a bit long. Uh oh it’s strap time and here comes Lawler.
They say his fists are moving like pistons. That’s just amusing in general. Lawler shouts out piledriver and somehow Helms counters it. I wonder how he figured out what to do? And Lawler hits the middle rope punch….FOR THE PIN??? WHAT IN THE FLYING HECK WAS THAT???
Rating: F. Seriously, there is ZERO justification to put Lawler over clean here as this isn’t in Memphis. No way is this ok at all. This was a failure plain and simple. Not from a wrestling perspective but from a booking and thinking one.
Lita leaves the internet place and runs into Trish. Mickie follows her in and she has no issue with losing and is now implying she wants lesbian sex with Trish.
Mama Benjamin is at catering and says this won’t do. She bends over (she weighs probably 400lbs) and Viscera’s music starts up. He likes what he sees and thrusts his lower guy at her and then at the camera. Apparently his music and lights just follow him around and apparently she doesn’t notice any of this at all. Yeah this is dumb.
Quick recap of HHH vs. Big Show, which more or less is that HHH came back from an injury and turned on Flair which ticked off Show who fought him and then cost him a spot in the Chamber tonight. HHH broke Show’s hand, leading to this.
HHH vs. Big Show
I like this actually. It’s not something that’s been beaten to death and it has a bit of potential. That being said it’s likely to suck but what are you going to do? Show has a huge cast on his hand. We get a huge stall to start. You have to say huge in any match either of these guys have. Show is actually moving a bit here which is helping a lot. When he’s motivated he’s rather entertaining to watch although it has to be in doses.
Show is dominating here early on. HHH has had no offense about three minutes in. And then Show punches the post with the cast and HHH is suddenly fine. He’s really bad about that. He at least uses some psychology and works on the hand. And there goes the cast. Well at least they got it off early. It’s kind of basic but a lot of the time that’s all you need to do.
Another important thing to note here about it: HHH is mixing things up with strikes and holds. That’s a major perk as otherwise it just isn’t as interesting. Show makes his comeback to get us to even but misses a punch and knocks the referee out cold. Great looking shot there.
The hammer comes in but a chop goes through it. More or less it’s nothing but HHH using weapons on the hand now and Show fighting as hard as he can (ok not really but work with me here) to stay alive in this. A half sledgehammer shot to the head and a bad Pedigree ends this.
Rating: D. This started off as pretty good and then just fell off a cliff. The last 6 minutes of this or so are just freaking bad and there’s no other way to put it. This was like watching two matches and at the end you just wanted it to end. If you take four minutes or so out of this, it’s an easy C at minimum. Started out great, then just went down, which is a shame.
Coach and Styles could not have less chemistry if their lived depended on it.
And let’s have two minutes of replays to affirm that HHH is in fact, awesome (allegedly).
Masters is getting ready and Carlito comes up. They’re both in the main event tonight for no explainable reason. This goes nowhere.
Ad for the Rumble.
Lawler is back.
Shelton Benjamin vs. Viscera
Holy filler Batman! Something tells me this is going to suck and it’s going to suck hard. This is just boring. Seriously, who thought this was a good idea? Shelton is more or less powerless to do anything with this second rate Mark Henry, and that’s saying A LOT. His mother promises him a sweet potato pie for a win.
Do you see what I do for you freaking people??? She yells the entire match too and talks about getting the belt etc. Is this supposed to be funny? SHUT UP WOMAN! This is the dumbest thing I have ever seen. This is one of those angles that is only to amuse Vince and nothing more. She hits Viscera with the purse and he hits a spin kick to get the win.
Rating: S. As in the stiff drink that I want. This is easily the most ridiculous and annoying thing that I have ever seen on a wrestling show. It wasn’t funny at all but they kept this up for months. THANK GOD he turned heel soon after this and this idiocy ended.
Vince wishes Shawn good luck and Shawn lists off his accomplishments which really are rather impressive. This was the beginning of Shawn vs. Vince that wound up running all summer with DX reuniting.
Bra and Panties Gauntlet Match
It’s exactly what it sounds like and it will be just as worthless as you can imagine. The only good thing here is Lillian in a tied off jersey top. I have a thing for jerseys on women and more or less it’s a bikini top made of one. In short, she’s hotter than should be legally allowed. This is just a bra and panties match but then another comes out and they keep going. Candice and Maria starts.
Candice is about to be in Playboy here. I really hate these things. Maria wins. Torrie is next. Notice a trend here: they’ve all been in Playboy and most of them can’t wrestle to save their lives. Maria puts Torrie out. Victoria is next and she puts Maria out. And here’s Moolah and Mae as I want to shoot this. Screw it. Ashley winds up winning and of course strips anyway.
Rating: N/A. Give me wrestling please. It’s what you advertised.
Shelton and his mother again make me want to shoot someone.
We recap the Chamber and it’s just the main Raw guys other than Show and HHH in the Chamber after qualifying matches.
Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Carlito vs. Chris Masters vs. Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Kane
Naturally it takes forever to get to this match but less time than last year which is at least a plus. Cena of course gets a lot of boos. This wasn’t even the most hated that he would ever get. He starts with Shawn. Cena isn’t ready to do that yet so this is nowhere near what it sounds like. Just 18 minutes between the ending of the last “match” and the bell in this one. The fans are ALL OVER Cena here.
The Chamber really does look awesome to say the least. Cena can sell really well. Kane comes in last due to winning a Beat the Clock Challenge. He’s the odds on favorite. That’s most amusing. In third is Carlito. He means nothing at this point either and no one really knew why he was in this. Nothing at all happens here other than some potential alliances. Finally Angle comes in to wake the crowd up by suplexing the living tar out of everyone in the match.
Styles saying Angle is all impact amuses me. I mean he must throw everyone 4-5 times each. I have never seen anyone wake a match up like Angle did. Shawn is busted after being thrown into one of the cells. Good night Angle throws a pretty suplex. I mean Angle is just completely dominating. He gets the ankle lock on Shawn and then on Carlito. Masters finally comes in for the save. We’ve fought 15 minutes or so at this point and look at how little I’ve had to say.
Masters comes in and takes an ankle lock. Cena makes a save for no apparent reason and goes for the FU but Angle reverses into ANOTHER ankle lock. He’s just on freaking fire tonight. And then Shawn kicks him in the head and pins him. Yeah seriously, that’s how they get rid of him. Give me a freaking break. Ok it’s not that bad but I hate the out of nowhere ones like that.
You can tell they’re just killing time at this point as nothing at all is happening. Kane comes in so they’re all in now. I seriously couldn’t care less. This thing is boring as any and all goodness. After some brief domination, Kane chokeslams everyone but like an idiot never covers them. Carlito and Masters double team him and amazingly…it works. They do a double DDT and then a press slam of Carlito onto Kane.
At this point, it becomes somewhat clear how this is going to end and it gets dumber and dumber every second. Oh I forgot to mention that Shawn is bleeding. The problem with this match: Carlito and Chris Masters are dominating. Still, this is better than the Extreme Elimination Chamber as Shawn and Cena are at least major star power. Four of the six here were legit title guys and Carlito and Masters were solid midcard heels at the time, so it’s forgivable.
Don’t get me wrong: it’s freaking dumb and it’s bad, but it could be worse. The other four being awesome balances it out a lot. Shawn gets Sweet Chin Music on Cena and Carlito hits a rolling cutter (Cody Rhodes’ finisher) on Shawn to pin him. Yes, the final three are Carlito, Masters and Cena. This is freaking stupid. No one bought Cena losing for a second.
I was reading WZ and was on AIM at the same time with a girl I knew who was a Cena fan and was telling her what was going on. She went to bed at this point as it was obvious to even her, a mark, that this was ending with Cena winning. The fans are now cheering for Cena as they see the alternatives. That’s rather funny. So they double team him for about 5 minutes until the Masterlock is put on. Carlito low blows Masters and rolls him up before getting rolled up by Cena to win the match.
Rating: D. Seriously, Masters and Carlito? This is short because literally the second the match ends, Vince’s music starts playing and it becomes clear what’s going on and why the Chamber sucking means nothing, so I won’t bother going into detail on it.
Vince says the show isn’t over yet and you can hear the crowd pop like a cherry over it. He has the cage raised up. And he says that while Cena did a great job, his night is not over yet, as Edge is cashing in his Money in the Bank contract and the match is NOW.
Raw World Title: Edge vs. John Cena
Cena is more or less dead and can’t even stand up. This is less than two minutes as Edge hits a pair of spears to win the title in a TOTAL shock.
Rating: A. I know I rarely grade matches this short, but this was absolutely brilliant. I mean NO ONE saw this coming and we all thought it was just Cena wins again and no one cares. This was legitimately shocking and it made the show ending awesome. Loved this and it’s one of the best moments of the modern era.
Overall Rating: D+. Again, this show just isn’t that good. The brand split shows were almost always awful because they have to have stuff like Viscera vs. Shelton for no reason whatsoever and no one cared but because they had 3 hours to fill and Vince was so obsessed with the split looking legit and everything that the fans got screwed over for nearly 5 years.
Flair vs. Edge and the whole ending sequence are I guess worth seeing, although the main event should really be watched if you haven’t seen it before as it’s not great at all but since it’s the Elimination Chamber and not the Extreme version it’s worth a one off look I guess. Overall though, this show just isn’t very good as it felt like a Raw with more of a budget.
This would thankfully end before too long but DANG man, this was just painful every month that wasn’t a big show. Not an awful show but just not that good. Better than last year by far though, even though I think I graded them the same. If nothing else, watch the Chamber through the end just for the crowd. I have never heard a crowd turn back and forth so much in 40 minutes in my life as a fan. Other than that, not worth it.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews
Monday Night Raw
Date: January 7, 2013
Location: Tampa Bay Times Forum, Tampa Bay, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
It’s the first show of the year and the card is stacked. We’ve got Punk vs. Ryback in a TLC match for the world title plus the return of the Rock. Ok so maybe it’s not stacked but it has a big match and something else big going on. It’s hard to imagine Ryback winning the title tonight as we’re less than three weeks away from the Rumble and Punk vs. Rock. Things should really get going towards the Rumble tonight though so let’s get to it.
Here’s Cena to open the show. He talks about how awesome everything will be tonight and wants to get to the Rumble. Cue Ziggler in a hurry who says that he’ll be the thing people remember tonight instead of the Rock. I’m really thinking no on that one Ziggy. AJ (GOOD FREAKING NIGHT is she looking great tonight) says she can’t believe she spent so much time with Cena as she’s now with a real man.
AJ says Cena is a small man, causing Cena to go into a HUGE overly done bit, (complete with starting the Wave in the crowd) about how that’s a joke. They go back and forth for a bit until Ziggler says he’s in the Rumble as well. Cena says this is going to be his year and it starts tonight against Ziggler. Langston cuts a shaky promo saying Cena has someone else to worry about tonight. Apparently it’s Cena vs. Ziggler post break.
John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler
Dang they’re going all out with this “DON’T WATCH THE BALL GAME” push. Just show AJ for that long and you’ll have my attention. Ziggler grabs a headlock to start but Cena takes him to the mat with an armbar. Dolph sends Cena into the corner to take him down and does his situps. Cena rolls over into a front facelock followed by a delayed vertical suplex for two as we keep going back and forth. Langston guillotines Cena on the top and we take a break. Not much to see so far.
Back with Ziggler holding a chinlock, complete with headstands to show off. It’s still not much of a gimmick people. Cena slams him down again as AJ gets on the apron. Ziggler pops up and SMACKS Cena with a dropkick for two, followed by all those elbow drops. AJ slaps Cena in the face, earning an ejection for herself and Langston. Cena fires up his finishing sequence but Ziggler avoids the Shuffle and rolls Cena up for two.
The second attempt hits but the AA is countered into the Zig Zag for two. The jumping DDT gets two for Dolph so he goes up, only to jump into the AA. Ziggler flips out of that too and hits a close range superkick for two. There’s the sleeper but as Cena throws Ziggler off, the referee gets bumped. The STF goes on and Langston runs in to lay out Cena. The Big Ending (that stupid falling slam) only gets two as a second referee runs out. Cena loses his shoe and hits the AA for the pin at 17:04.
Rating: B. And at the end of the day, Ziggler loses AGAIN. This is why no one is taking him seriously: he loses EVERY major match he has where he doesn’t have a gimmick to help him. When he wins the title, no one is going to buy it and that’s the #1 reason why. As for the match, it was slow to start but got WAY better at the end. That being said, no one is going to see the ending because the national title game kicked off about three minutes ago.
Divas Title: Eve Torres vs. Kaitlyn
Eve takes her to the mat to start and works on the leg. We get a crawler with TWEETS from fans regarding Rock being back. The referee tells Kaitlyn to tie her boot but Eve jumps her during the distraction. Eve hooks a neck stretch (picture a neckbreaker position but instead of just, you know, doing a neckbreaker, Eve bends Kaitlyn’s neck over her own shoulder) but gets caught in a side slam for two. Kaitlyn loads up her gutbuster, but Eve escapes, grabs the title, and runs through the crowd for the countout at 4:40.
Rating: D. CHANGE THE FREAKING TITLE ALREADY! They’ve dragged this stupid story (why do they even hate each other at this point? Does ANYONE remember why this started in the first place, and better yet, does anyone care?) on for months now and while I get that they’re waiting for the Rumble, do they really think people are going to get fired up for the freaking DIVAS TITLE?
Up next: Rhodes Scholars vs. HELL NO! ANOTHER fresh match! It’s clearly they’re just holding out for halftime of the game at this point.
Santino is in the back with Steamboat when Barrett comes in. He insults both guys and says he’s the one bringing prestige back to the title. Steamboat is going to be in Santino’s corner for his title shot tonight.
Orton is in the back to talk about the Rumble when 3MB comes up, setting up Orton vs. Slater tonight. Man they’re REALLY punting on the matches after the opener aren’t they?
HELL NO vs. Rhodes Scholars
For all the talk about how the tag division has been reborn, these two teams really do seem to fight each other a lot. Cody and Kane start with Rhodes running away to tag in Sandow. Bryan comes in with a dropkick in the corner so it’s back to Rhodes to get kicked by Daniel. The Scholars finally get in some shots to take over on Bryan with Cody shouting about the goat face. The Wind-Up Elbow gets two as we hear about Sandow’s family being advisers to the President since the early 1800s. Well you can’t say they’re not trying.
Hot tag brings in Kane who stumbles going up top, only to come off with the clothesline on Sandow, followed by a big boot for two. Damien bails to the floor to avoid a chokeslam, before coming back in to face Bryan. Daniel moonsaults out of the corner and injures his ankle, giving us a reason to extend the match even further. Everything breaks down and Cody hits Cross Rhodes for the pin at 7:16.
Rating: C. So the ankle stuff wound up meaning nothing at all. Good to know. Anyway, this sets up like the third title shot for the Scholars which still doesn’t make me care about the match. This idea of “challengers lose, challengers lose, challengers win a non-title match, challengers win titles” doesn’t make for an interesting series of matches. It makes for a series that I don’t care for because it takes five matches to get through to the end counting a rematch.
Randy Orton vs. Heath Slater
They punch each other a lot to start until Orton gets clotheslined to the floor and stomped on by Mahal and McIntyre. Back in and Slater gets two off a neckbreaker but goes up and gets caught in a superplex. Here are Orton’s clotheslines and the powerslam followed by the Elevated DDT. RKO ends this clean at 4:26.
Rating: D. Yep, it’s clear they’re just letting the football game kill them here and I can’t say I blame them. Nothing on the planet is going to be able to stop that tonight, so why not just put on a weaker show until the game isn’t on and then put up your best then? It’s a strategy they’ve done before, so why not do it here?
Intercontinental Title: Santino Marella vs. Wade Barrett
Wade doesn’t even get an entrance. Steamboat is in Santino’s corner for no apparent reason. The champ takes Santino to the mat and pounds away in the corner before hitting a chinlock. The pumphandle slam is escaped and a superkick to the face gets two for Marella. Santino does his usual stuff and puts on the Cobra, sending Barrett running to the floor. Back in and the Bull Hammer ends this at 2:21.
Barrett stares at Steamboat but runs as the Dragon takes his jacket off.
Sheamus is in the back to talk about the Rumble when 3MB comes up. Wow they’re not even hiding this anymore? Tonight it’s Sheamus vs. one of them later on. Sheamus sings a bit first.
Great Khali vs. Antonio Cesaro
Non-title here and Miz is on commentary. Apparently he had an issue with Cesaro lately which I barely remember. Khali pounds away to start but Cesaro goes after the knee. We get what might be the worst big boot ever (you can see the referee between the boot and Cesaro’s head) before Cesaro makes his comeback, hitting a spinning springboard European Uppercut. Neutralizer ends this at 3:19.
Rating: C-. Points to Cesaro for both the uppercut (that looked SWEET) and the Neutralizer which is rather impressive. This was another match we’ve seen before but it fills in five minutes on this show tonight, which is the right idea. Cesaro continues to impress, which is a good sign for him.
Brad Maddox annoys Heyman again. He offers to referee the TLC match but Heyman wants nothing to do with him.
Jinder Mahal vs. Sheamus
Sheamus toys with Mahal to start and kicks him into the ropes. Mahal grabs Sheamus’ trunks in a weird spot that Sheamus seems bewildered by. A hard slap to Mahal’s face doesn’t do anything but an attempt at a second one sends him to the mat. There are the ten forearms in the ropes for Mahal, and there are ten for McIntyre as well. Jinder hits a jumping knee to send Sheamus to the floor where the band mates get in some shots. Sheamus slugs him down and pulls Slater in as well. A double clothesline puts the jobbers on the floor and Slater takes the Brogue Kick. White Noise and Brogue Kick end Mahal at 4:43.
Rating: D+. This was just a comedy match and I guess a way to compare Orton and Sheamus if that’s what they were going for. Nothing special here of course, but then again what are you expecting from this show at this point? I get why they’re doing things this way, but that doesn’t make the show any easier to sit through.
Video on Punk wanting respect.
Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. Ryback
TLC match which was supposed to happen last month but had to be changed due to Punk’s knee injury. The fans don’t seem impressed by Ryback at all here. Ryback shoves Punk around to start until we head to the floor where Punk kicks him in the head. Punk slides in a ladder but Ryback hammers on him before anything can be done. Back in and Ryback hits a delayed spinning suplex onto the ladder, sending the champion to the floor.
Punk almost gets crushed by the steps before using them as a launching pad to knee Ryback in the face. Punk chairs Ryback down a few times and we take a break. Back with both guys down in the ring and Ryback getting up first. Ryback loads up a table on the floor but Punk blasts him in the ribs with a chair and sets up a table of his own. Ryback shoves Punk onto the announce table but another chair shot slows him down.
Back in and Punk works over Ryback’s leg with a chair but can’t Pillmanize it. The jump off the ropes might have hurt the champion’s knee again. Ryback pounds away and hits the Meat Hook but Punk escapes the Shell Shock. They head to the floor and Ryback launches himself through a table by mistake. Punk climbs up the ladder but Ryback goes up to stop him, knocking the champ to the mat.
CM shoves the ladder over but Ryback lands on his feet. He picks Punk up and drops him onto the ladder, bending it to the point where it can’t be used anymore. Punk kicks Ryback in the head again to slow him down but can’t use the ladder to climb anymore. A knee in the corner slows Ryback down but when Punk tries the bulldog, Ryback LAUNCHES him to the floor through the table Punk set up.
Ryback finds another ladder and goes up but there go the lights. The lights come back up and the Shield is on the ladder. Ryback punches two of them down but has to get down to stop the third one. The numbers catch up with Ryback and he gets destroyed by chair shots and the Triple Bomb through a table onto the steps. The Shield leaves and Punk slowly climbs up to retain the title at 18:50.
Rating: B-. This was exactly what people expected, right down to the interference. Ryback continues to look like someone that can’t win the big one, which is why that pop he got at the beginning of the match might as well have been a group of mice cheering. We get it: Shield goes after Ryback. They’ve done that for months now and Ryback has lost to them every time. There were some good bumps in this but it was exactly the match you expected to happen.
Post break Punk denies being associated with the Shield and says he’s going to drop a pipe bomb on Rock.
Bryan and Kane argue over whose fault the loss was. Vickie pops up and says next week they have a follow up with Dr. Shelby. Another argument ensues as we enter Daffy Duck/Bugs Bunny territory over whether Shelby is a nerd or a monster.
We recap Big Show vs. Ricardo from last week, which sets up Show vs. Alberto on Friday.
Big Show vs. Kofi Kingston
WMD, 15 seconds, pin. That’s some way to treat a guy who was a champion a week ago.
We recap Punk’s heel turn at Raw 1000 where he attacked Rock.
Here’s Punk before Rock can get out here. He talks about how it’s time for the Pipe Bomb, but wants to clarify what the Pipe Bomb is. It’s basically a dose of the truth. Well except for the ice cream, because no one here needs more ice cream. Punk meant everything he said in Vegas, but he became someone for the fans to cheer for. It doesn’t matter if you’re the best in the world in the WWE because there’s a glass ceiling that no one is allowed to break.
Punk goes into another rant about how the fans will cheer for anyone while guys like Bryan have to become catchphrase machines and guys like Brodus Clay have to dance with stupid kids and workhorses like Tyson Kidd have to take back seats to invisible children. The fans cheer and Punk says that’s exactly what he’s talking about.
Everyone in the past has gotten over because of the kind of business they do, except for him. He says if he was in Sammartino’s era, he would have been champion for 20 years. You didn’t see Hogan defending the title in TLC matches against Ryback. Punk says he’s successful because of himself, but rather in spite of them. He talks about how he doesn’t care about the fans and everyone who says they do is either weak or dishonest. Punk is neither though, because he’s an honest man and the best in the world.
He talks about how there are winners and losers in the world and it’s clear which one he is. For Punk, it’s never been about the fans but rather just about the money. A production guy gets up on the apron and says we have to go to a break. Punk says no because he doesn’t want to go to a break. He tells the fans they don’t matter at all and we go to a break.
Back from a break and Punk says that he’s going to be back here in a year as world champion again on the first Raw of 2014. He lists off the people he’s beaten in the last year and every single one of them has been beating the fans too. The fans don’t get to win with Rock either, because Punk is keeping the title at the Rumble.
Rock FINALLY interrupts him and the pop actually made me jump. Rock says that he wanted to hear everything Punk had to say so he knew what he was dealing with at the Rumble. Now it’s clear to the Rock that Punk is straight up delusional. Punk being champion for 414 days is incredible, but the important number is 20, because in 20 days Punk is defending the title against the Rock and then time is up.
Punk wanted a revolution and turned his back on the people, but that’s not what happened. The people turned their backs on Punk. Punk couldn’t even deliver the ice cream bars that he promised. Rock talks about how there’s no such thing as voiceless people here in the WWE because they’re going to call Punk Cookie Puss (it’s an old cake/dessert company from the 80s I believe). Punk says the people are puppets because Rock got the people chanting just like he did a year ago.
Rock says the people have already won the minute Rock woke up this morning. Rock woke up, sent out a Tweet, ate pancakes, went to the gym, got in his truck and drove here so he could stand face to face with Punk and say that FINALLY, he has come back to Tampa. He’s back to stop Punk and win the title for the first time in ten years. Rock has been watching to see someone say they respect Punk so he’ll shut up. He says Punk looks like Popeye on crack which draws a Cookie Puss chant.
Rock praises Punk’s mind but says Punk is delusional. It’s not the people that don’t matter but Punk. Punk starts into his speech but Rock says it doesn’t matter. At the Rumble, there’s nothing stopping the Rock from becoming WWE Champion. Punk lays the title down in the middle of the ring and says it doesn’t matter how often Rock comes back because Punk is going to take him out. He goes on a big rant about how Rock has never faced anyone like him again and says that at the Rumble, Rock’s arms are too short to box with God.
Rock says in 20 days, Punk’s time is up, so go home and look in the mirror and strip. Don’t look at your cookie puss but turn around so you can find a place for two more tattoos. One one cheek put a bunch of candy (“You can’t have Almond Joy because they actually have nuts) and on the other put Rock’s shoe. There’s a Rock Bottom and we’re done.
Overall Rating: B. All things considered, this wasn’t a terrible show. For one thing, there was almost NOTHING stupid backstage other than a few moments that set up matches later on. They didn’t have anything huge going on other than Rock and the title match, which is the right move given what this show was up against. There was a ton of wrestling on this show and that’s what’s been missing on Raw lately, so few complaints there after a slow start.
Results
John Cena b. Dolph Ziggler – Attitude Adjustment
Kaitlyn b. Eve Torres via countout
Rhodes Scholars b. HELL NO – Cross Rhodes to Bryan
Randy Orton b. Heath Slater – RKO
Wade Barrett b. Santino Marella – Bull Hammer
Antonio Cesaro b. Great Khali – Neutralizer
Sheamus b. Jinder Mahal – Brogue Kick
CM Punk b. Ryback – Punk pulled down the title
Big Show b. Kofi Kingston – WMD
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews
JR said this on commentary for the 2004 Rumble and remarkably enough it’s still true heading into the 2013 edition.
The Dudleys are the only teams to win the (non-vacant) tag titles at the Rumble. In 25 years of the Rumble, no one else has ever won them. I love little factoids like that which you would never think of otherwise.
Anybody have any interesting ones?
Smackdown
Date: January 7, 2011
Location: Tucson Convention Center, Tucson, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Josh Matthews
In the first show of the year we have the World Heavyweight Championship on the line in a last man standing match as well as Alberto vs. Rey in a 2/3 falls contest. The most intriguing thing to me is if Kane vs. Edge is finished tonight, what does that mean for the Rumble? Hopefully this doesn’t see a double countout or a tie etc as that would make me rather irritated. Let’s get to it.
The opening video is more or less what I just told you. Now why can’t I get paid to do something like that? I said more or less the same thing minus a few basic lines.
Do you know your enemy? That’s a good question actually and I certainly don’t know mine.
After a brief opening statement from the announcers, it’s time for the main event!
Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Kane
Edge has the red sunglasses back which I think he’s had recently but not for very long. This is last man standing remember. We get the big match intros here which isn’t something you see that often in WWE anymore. It might be the angle of it but the belt looks quite different for some reason. Kane puts Edge down in the corner with powerful strikes to start us off.
Edge gets a swinging neckbreaker to put both guys down for about a three. Sideslam by Kane gets another three on Edge. The champion hits a spear to Kane while Kane is on the apron and the bald man is down on the floor. It only gets a six though and we hit the floor. Up the ramp they go with Kane in control. Isn’t it amazing how a single shot in one of these matches can send one or both guys off for a good 8 feet?
They go into the back towards the concourse and Edge is slammed into a wall. Why are the concession stands closed? Back into the arena in the crowd with Edge blocking a chokeslam off the stands. They fight up the steps into the luxury suites which have their own concession and merchandise stands. Dude that’s kind of awesome. Trashcan to the stomach of Edge breaks his momentum.
With Edge down after being rammed into various things and hammered a bit, Kane finds a flight of stairs and a wheelchair. I think you know what’s coming here. Edge counters at the last second and only the chair goes flying. A big boot puts Kane down for 5. We take a break with Edge in firm control.
Back with Edge in control still and the fight going on in the crowd near the announcers’ table. Kane clears off the announce table but Edge manages to reverse to send Kane into the steps. That gets a 9 which sounded a lot like ten but they kept it going anyway. Edge does one of those jumps off the top that exist only to jump into a shot from their opponent, in this case an uppercut.
The uppercut is good for 8 and here comes Kane. Top rope clothesline misses though and Edge gets the Edgecution to put both guys down. Cole informs us that if it’s a tie then we keep going. That makes me feel all tingly. Chokeslam out of nowhere has Edge and the title in big trouble. Edge is up and 9 and heads/falls to the floor.
Kane wants a Tombstone on the steps but Edge counters into an Edge-O-Matic onto the steps and the big fried freak is in trouble! Kane gets up at ten but is down at eleven. Edge sets for the spear but runs into a huge boot to the face to put him back down again. That gets 9 but Kane gets a chokeslam onto the table to half kill Edge! Striker was sent flying and is partially pinned under the table in a funny looking visual. Edge uses Striker to pull himself back up and beat the count. That was kind of funny actually.
The challenger is all fired up here and he throws a chair into the ring. Make it a pair of them. He goes up but Edge pelts a chair at his head to take Kane down one more time. That looked sick. BIG chair shots to the knee have Kane in big trouble. The spear hits but Edge isn’t happy yet. He goes out and gets the pelted chair and hits a Conchairto to the knee of Kane, which is enough to end this at 17:20 shown of 20:50.
Rating: B. This was a fun brawl with some fairly creative spots, namely Edge using Striker to get up. I like the ending as instead of the spear it was instead the spear that set up the Conchairto to end Kane. That’s a nice touch and it prevented the match from ending stupidly with a spear ending Kane when nothing else could. I liked it rather well and the ending only made it better. Good match.
Intercontinental Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston
They’re certainly pushing this as a huge show with the title matches and all that jazz. Striker calls Vickie the female version of Rosie O’Donnell. Why are so many people obsessed with Rosie? What has she ever done? Nice reaction for Kofi here. We get a quick video of last week’s match where Dolph more or less stole the win from Kofi which is true only to a degree.
Kofi hammers away to start as Cole says that Kofi needs to move on instead of trying to get the title back time and time again. Neckbreaker by Dolph gets two. Off to a clear choke that they’re going to call a chinlock because they want to I guess. Splash in the corner misses though and here comes Kofi. These two have some solid chemistry together to be sure.
A rollup by Ziggler with some tights gets two. They’re moving very fast out there. Trouble in Paradise misses and it’s off to the Sleeper! Kofi simply grabs the hands and rips the hold off and gets the SOS for an incredibly close two. Middle rope suplex is blocked by Dolph. I know it seems like I’m flying through this but there is almost nothing between these fast moves. After Kofi knocks Dolph off the ropes to block the suplex, the HUGE crossbody ends this perfectly clean at 5:31. That came out of nowhere!
Rating: B. Ok, this grade is going to require some explanation as to how it can be equal to the first match and I think it might clear up a bit about my grading system in general in case some people think I’m a bit inconsistent. While I’m giving this match the same grade, it’s certainly not as good as the first one. There are two key differences though.
The first is that the opener was meant to be a long brawl, as evidenced by giving it nearly four times as long to work with. That match had time to work out spots and to be a brutal fight, whereas this was supposed to be fast paced and exciting. Different styles of match, but both well done.
Second, which ties into the first, was the ending. Dolph literally turned around to get hit by the cross body. Kofi is already horizontal when Dolph sees him. I love matches that end very quickly and with moves that aren’t finishers. To the fans it looked like another big move that Kofi would hit to get a two count. Instead it’s over and the fans are surprised. That’s an excellent touch and it keeps the matches interesting.
As for the match itself, one important thing to make clear is that this was NOT a squash. Dolph was definitely in this the whole time and Kofi got a big shot in to get the win. That’s very important as it keeps Dolph looking strong while still switching the title. This was a very fun and fast paced match which is what you come to expect from these guys. Good stuff.
Dolph, ever the villain, destroys Kofi post match. Vickie gets on the mic and says that since Teddy isn’t here tonight, Dolph gets a rematch RIGHT NOW!
Intercontinental Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler
LOUD Kofi chant but he’s more or less d…..and screw that as he hits Trouble in Paradise and it’s over in 43 seconds! That kick looked great.
Rating: B-. Well the opening 13 seconds were very weak but they picked it WAY up in the next 19. The final 21 were completely awesome though and it definitely was good enough to make this a passable match. Dang man those final 21 seconds with Kofi rolling Dolph over for the cover were more exciting than the entire Flair vs. Steamboat trilogy.
After a break Dolph is yelling at Vickie and telling her that was a boneheaded move. Vickie blames him so Dolph says that maybe she should get a new boyfriend. He leaves and she screeches in a terrifying voice. I’ll be sleeping with the lights on tonight after hearing that.
Long recap of the cage match Monday.
Kelly is on the way to the ring when Drew stops her. He says he’s a different person than he is out there. This was allegedly supposed to be used for Tiffany and not Kelly, which means absolutely nothing but this is a short segment and I need something to talk about. Drew wants to earn her trust and wants her support in his #1 contenders match tonight. She smiles and says thanks and leaves.
Cody vs. Drew vs. Show for the #1 contender spot up next.
Cody Rhodes vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Big Show
See I told you it was up next. Cody does look good in the jacket. I have to give him that. Could Drew look any more like a natural face than he does? And here’s Vickie of course. She makes it a fatal fourway with Dolph thrown in too.
Cody Rhodes vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Big Show vs. Dolph Ziggler
Drew has a headache and is still tired from the previous two matches. Show looks very ticked off about the extra person being added in. They all surround Show who is like screw it and beats up all three guys. Drew is tossed to the floor first and then the other two get beaten on a bit as well. Down to Show vs. Cody which is a mini-feud at least. Dolph breaks up a pin by Show which gets him picked up by the hair and slammed down.
All Show for the first two minutes or so. Channeling his inner Bobby Heenan, Cole says Show could have won this five minutes ago. Stinkface to Cody has him gasping for air. Show is busting out some of his old spots here like the Final Cut (Nightmare on Helm Street) and the one where he lifts up his leg and drops it onto the other guy’s chest like a standing legdrop (Wiki calls it the Showstopper but I’ve never heard that name for it before)
Drew has been in the ring maybe 20 seconds so far. Big chop in the corner misses Dolph and Cody teams up with Dolph to beat down the Giant. And that fails completely as Show blocks a double Irish Whip and sends both guys flying over the top with a simple tug. Out on the floor Show is triple teamed and sent through the time keeper’s area. He’s down but so is everyone else as we take a break.
Back with Cody vs. Dolph in the ring. Cody goes for a moonsault but Drew shoves him off the top into the waiting arms of Big Show. Cody gets back in to stop Drew from destroying Dolph and shouts that he’s #1. He’s Paul Jones all of a sudden? Drew back in now but Show is back up to a big reaction. He picks off Drew and sends him flying on the floor and I think we’re about to pick up again.
Cody gets crushed in the corner and down goes Ziggler. Show calls for the Chokeslam and out of nowhere Wade Barrett comes in to destroy Big Show! A few big boots and a top rope elbow take down Show and Wade leaves. Something to note there: Barrett just took down Show when three guys couldn’t. Cody can’t steal the pin after the Beautiful Disaster but Ziggler manages to get the Zig Zag for two.
Futureshock gets two as this is ridiculous. Show took a beating from Barrett, Cody’s second best move, Ziggler’s pin finisher and Drew’s finisher and is up a few seconds later. We get that he’s a giant but don’t make him look invincible. Cody and Dolph team up again but Dolph grabs the Zig Zag on him out of nowhere and gets the pin at 10:12 shown of 13:42.
Rating: C+. Fun match and told a decent story, but for the love of goodness I can’t stand Show being made to look invincible like he does with those power kickouts. Doing that to one move is ok, but how weak does the Futureshock look when it can’t get a pin after all that softening up mere seconds before it? This still was more good than it was bad though so points for that.
Michelle McCool vs. Kelly Kelly
Kelly looking GOOD tonight. They’re flying through this show too with maybe two backstage segments so far tonight. Michelle charges into the corner to start but Kelly gets a choke with her legs while hanging upside down over the ropes. Michelle fights that off with ease and goes after Kelly’s leg. Kelly manages to get a headscissors to take her down and sets for the K2. Michelle casually counters into the Faithbreaker to end this in 1:42. Not quite a squash but you could call it that pretty easily.
Laycool beats down Kelly post match until Drew runs down for the save.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio
2/3 falls here. This show has been PACKED with wrestling so far at a level I haven’t see in a long time. Before we start Alberto says that it’s his destiny to win the Rumble. He talks about how there are pure Latinos and then the rest of them, who are car washers, gardeners, and Rey Mysterio. I like that.
Rey starts us off here with some speed moves and wants the 619 maybe 75 seconds in. Alberto ducks and the Cross Armbreaker makes it 1-0 in 1:37. I was under the impression that there would be no math. We get a graphic telling us that it’s 1-0. Are fans really that stupid? After a quick break we’re back with Rey in an armbar and then taking a big backbreaker to put him down again.
Rey gets sent to the floor as we debate if Rey tapped out just to break the hold, which would make sense. A big rana takes down Alberto but Rey can’t capitalize immediately. Alberto gets up and goes for the armbreaker again but Rey turns into it and gets a rollup for two. 619 can’t hit again but a cradle gives Rey the 1-1 tie at 8:12 (total time elapsed) and we take our second break of the match.
Back with Alberto holding another armbar as Rey is in more trouble. Del Rio gets caught by the usual speed and leverage moves from Rey but Del Rio fights Rey off with a Codebreaker to the arm. The fans chant 619 over and over and Rey gets a body scissors into a DDT for two. Rey tries to go up but Del Rio gets to the ropes and down comes the masked man. He’s caught in the Tree of Woe so Del Rio hammers away.
Alberto goes up for a suplex while being on the outside. In other words he’s trying to suplex Rey to the floor. Rey’s arm is really hurting him here. I’m not sure why Alberto isn’t getting back in the ring but rather is fighting from the apron. Rey gets a 619 around the post to take down Alberto. Rey gets a big dive to take out Alberto and Ricardo and get a big reaction from the crowd. Del Rio gets back in but Ricardo grabs Rey’s ankle and it’s a countout to give Del Rio the win at 11:53 shown of 18:53 total.
Rating: C+. This was pretty good for the most part but I wasn’t feeling it for some reason. Rey losing on the countout to end the match doesn’t do it for me at all. If you’re going to have Rey lose in the end, have it be to the armbreaker. Del Rio still looks good but at the same time the ending feels kind of silly. Decent match but I didn’t like it for some reason.
Rey beats up Ricardo a bit post match including a 619 and the springboard splash.
The announcers recap the show and announce Show vs. Barrett next week.
Overall Rating: A. This show was packed and it worked the whole night. With two nearly 20 minute matches plus a title change and a new #1 contender, how in the world can you argue against this one? Oh and I forgot that Barrett is here now too which is good as the show is dying for star power. I really enjoyed this show with it being so wrestling heavy. Good stuff indeed and a great way to kick off the year.
Results
Edge b. Kane – Conchairto to Kane’s Leg
Kofi Kingston b. Dolph Ziggler – Top rope Cross Body
Kofi Kingston b. Dolph Ziggler – Trouble in Paradise
Dolph Ziggler b. Cody Rhodes, Big Show and Drew McIntyre – Zig Zag to Rhodes
Michelle McCool b. Kelly Kelly – Faithbreaker
Alberto Del Rio b. Rey Mysterio two falls to one
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