Monday Night Raw
Date: December 12, 2011
Location: Norfolk Scope Arena, Norfolk, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the Slammys! I used to love these things when I was a kid and they were so campy and entertaining. Now they’re just kind of here and they’re usually a way to have some minor stories set up for the next few weeks/months. The main event tonight is Cena vs. Henry, which somehow is a pretty big showdown. It’s also the go home show for TLC, which is kind of a minor aspect given the three hour nature of this. Let’s get to it.

We open with a Slammy presentation. This is for the Tell Me I Did Not Just See That Moment of the Year. Booker presents it…along with Horny. Horny has an afro wig and keeps doing chest bumps with Booker.

The nominees are:

JR dancing
Santino almost winning the Royal Rumble
A fan throws water at R-Truth
Miz impersonates Rock

It’s JR dancing. I can live with that as that was pretty awesome. JR comes out…and here’s Cole to cut him off because that’s what Cole does. Cole says JR is fat and Booker calls him a loser. Strap in people: Cole vs. Booker can go on for HOURS. Booker says JR can beat Cole in a rap off. Cole’s is awful and I think everyone expected that. JR says he doesn’t need music. His actually has something resembling a rhythm to it and there’s music to it anyway. And then he stops rhyming all together. Guess who the fans say win. This very well may have been the worst opening in the history of professional wrestling.

Oh and JR does a Spinarooni. Ok more like he looks like he has a heart attack and convulses on the mat for a bit.

Here are Foley and Ted DiBiase Senior to present the Holy Censored Moment of the Year. This pairing is about as awesome as anything in the history of, ahem, Mankind. They try to figure out why they’re paired together. DiBiase says that he is an ordained minister. Foley: “So if that makes you the holy, then I guess that makes me the…..” DiBise: *EVIL LAUGH*

The nominees are:

Sheamus powerbombs Sin Cara through a ladder
The RKO to a leaping Christian onto the steps
The ring breaking
Evan Bourne’s shooting star off the ladder

Gee I wonder what’s going to win. If you can’t figure this out, you fail. Show comes out to accept and thanks the Sports Entertainment Academy of Arts and Sports. He thinks the World Heavyweight Championship would look good next to the Slammy. Nice little promo for the match on Sunday and for his match which is next.

Big Show vs. Wade Barrett

Barrett says what he’ll do to Orton at TLC will earn him that award Big Show just won. Then again that award is for something unexpected and everyone knows what he’s going to do to Orton. After a break we’re joined in progress with Barrett on the floor trying to get up. There’s a table set up at ringside now. There’s also a chair and a ladder. Barrett avoids going through the table and hits a big boot to put Show’s head on the table.

Show gets up as Barrett is ready to jump and then the bald man breaks the table. With Barrett on the apron on the outside, Show chops him in the chest and knocks him into the ring. Barrett goes to the floor and brings in a chair. Show knocks it out of his hands….and wins by DQ at 1:38? It’s going to be one of those nights isn’t it?

Of all people, the Road Dogg is doing this one. Yes, that Road Dogg. He’s in a DX shirt and is doing the Pipe Bomb of the year, which I think is the weird moment of the year.

There aren’t any real nominees but more along the lines of a bunch of R-Truth moments plus a hand full of others. This is just a big comedy montage for all intents and purposes, which is a great reminder of some stuff, namely Punk and Truth. The winner is…..CM Punk. Ok I can live with that.

Punk comes out with….a mannequin? It’s got a blonde wig and a t-shirt that says…..OH MY GOODNESS IT’S A DYNAMIC DUDES SHIRT!!!!! Punk says that he wants to talk about something tonight that is a special cause. This person works behind the scenes and is incredibly boring, just like this mannequin. Naturally it’s Johnny Ace and Punk has a tribute video. It’s set to a song that I’ve heard before but can’t place. We get Dynamic Dudes clips in there too which makes this worth a smile. After the video Punk is trying not to crack up. He accepts the award on Punk’s behalf and does a decent impression of him.

Lita is here to present the Divalicious Moment of the Year. Yep she’s still hot. I don’t think half the people know who she is.

The nominees are:

natalya putting the Sharpshooter on Eve and I think Alicia.
Kelly winning the Divas Title.
Kharma destroying Michelle.
Beth’s top rope Glam Slam to Eve.

Of course it goes to Kelly because she’s supposed to be some kind of female hero or something. Beth comes out to take the award from her and gets slapped.

Santino presents the OMG Moment of the Year. The Bellas are with him and they look good in those red dresses. After an argument over whether it’s o-m-g or OMG (pronounced like a word), here are the nominees.

HHH tombstones the Undertaker.
Rock Bottom to Cena at Mania.
The Walk Out.
Punk Leaves With The Title.

HHH wins. Are you freaking kidding me? He makes his big return with the hammer…and walks to the ring without his award. HHH says the real OMG moment was having Taker carried out for the first time in his career. He says the Undertaker is no more. HHH takes credit for ending the Streak. Are you kidding me? We get the video of Nash hitting him with the hammer a few months ago.

He says that maybe their 16 year relationship was based on lies and this Sunday all the lies and deceptions end. On Sunday he’ll show the world that he’s right and that Nash is simply done. Well he was done 13 years ago. Do we really need a match for that? HHH leaves and implies he’ll hit Santino with the hammer but lets him run instead.

Otunga and Tony Atlas are here for the Trending Superstar of the Year. Tony does the laugh as Otunga tries to be serious. The award goes to whichever superstar listed is trending on Twitter the fastest. Get this over with. They’ll be in a fatal fourway with the winner of the match meaning nothing but the first to be trending winning the Slammy.

Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder

Or is the winner of the match the winner of the award? Do they have any idea what’s going on here? Ryder and Bryan send the champs to the floor and hit stereo dives as we take a break. Back with Ryder and Bryan squaring off and they change the rules AGAIN, saying that it’s whoever trends first. THEN WHY HAVE THE MATCH??? Bryan and Ryder have a decent back and forth segment with them hitting cross bodies to put them both down.

Rhodes and Ziggler tease a staredown but think better of it so they can stomp the good guys. They get in a shoving match and Bryan tries to steal a pin. Rhodes and Bryan have a LONG pinfall reversal sequence but Bryan is sent to the floor. Ryder follows him and Ziggler tries to roll up Rhodes. Alabama Slam to Dolph gets two. They take a second break with Cody standing tall.

Back with Rhodes having Ryder in a Figure Four which doesn’t last long. Rhodes charges into some knees in the corner but Dolph breaks up the Broski Boot. Everyone is in the ring and everyone goes down. Beautiful Disaster hits Ziggler for two and Bryan goes off with the rapid fire kicks to Cody. Bryan goes up but gets crotched. Ziggler gets drilled by Ryder but stops Ryder as he goes up. Both heels hit superplexes and everyone is down again. Rough Ryder to Ziggler, Cross Rhodes to Ryder, LeBell Lock to Rhodes, Sleeper to Bryan, Zig Zag to Bryan and that gets the pin at 15:22.

Rating: B-. Fun match but as Lawler said, the match wasn’t important. What was important was trending on Twitter. That right there sums up almost everything that is wrong with Raw anymore. They’re so obsessed with getting people to notice them and accept them because they’re trending on Twitter 50 times a night and they have to tell us they’re trending on Twitter 50 times a night and it drives people crazy. And they wonder why no one buys their PPVs and why no one is watching their shows.

Ryder wins the award, because the match was pointless. He gets a Zig Zag for his efforts.

Christian returns to present Game Changer of the Year. He gives himself courageous moment of the year first of all. This is for one moment that changes everything. Here are the nominees.

HHH telling Vince and the pink jacket that he’s relieved of his duties.
Edge’s retirement speech.
Kevin Nash returns.
Rock and Cena making the main event of Mania a year early.

Cena and Rock win, as they probably should. Cena says he should only get half of the credit for this and introduces Rock. Oh wait this is a live show so he’s not here. “But he said he’d never leave!” We do have a satellite clip though. Oh wait no we don’t because he didn’t have time for that either. “This is worse than JR’s rap.” He apologizes for Team Bring It for not bringing it. However, this makes the award mean more because Rock is going to see this soon and hopefully it fires him up even more. This award is for changing the game for a year, but at Mania they change the game forever.

Alberto Del Rio/The Miz vs. CM Punk/Randy Orton

Punk vs. Miz starts us off. Off to Del Rio vs. Orton quickly and the Viper gets beaten down by both heels. We’re in standard tag formula mode quickly tonight. Punk gets a hot tag quickly and cleans house but the GTS is broken up, allowing Miz to guillotine Punk on the ropes as we take a break. Back with Punk backsliding Miz for two. Del Rio comes in and works over the arm a lot.

This is your usual main event style tag match: it’s the same formula with one guy getting beaten down for a long time until the other big face comes in off a hot tag and cleans house to set up the ending. The Finale and the GTS are countered but Punk’s kick to the head of Miz can’t get the tag. Barrett runs in through the crowd to take out Orton. Miz can’t hit the corner clothesline but he counters the GTS into the Finale for the clean pin on Punk at 12:42. Forget what I said about the formula I guess.

Rating: C-. The ending was a VERY nice surprise and it gives some heat to the main event on Sunday, which is certainly a good thing. Not a horrible match but Del Rio and Miz are pretty weak in the ring. Del Rio is boring all around but that goes without saying. It helped to push the title match though so that made it a lot better.

Miz and Del Rio beat up Punk post match and he gets put in the armbreaker using the ladder.

Vickie presents A-Lister of the Year. And here’s Goldust to present with her. He says she wears more makeup than she does.

The nominees are:

The Muppets
Hugh Jackman
Snooki
Cee-Lo Green

And it goes to Snooki because the WWE is stupid. She gives a pre-recorded message.

Mark Henry says he’ll do more to Big Show Sunday than he has already.

Here’s Sheamus but he’s interrupted by Jinder Mahal. Ok then. He rambles for awhile and gets his head kicked off. That’s it. There’s a referee there but there was no bell and no cover or anything.

Rey Mysterio comes out to present Superstar of the Year. The nominees are:

Orton
Miz
Henry
Punk
Del Rio
Cena

Ace comes out and accepts for him because he’s banged up.

Second Coming video. The word control flashes on the screen to end this.

We hear a story about a soldier in Afghanistan that hugged Vince when she saw him and opened her phone to show him her son with a WWE Title belt. Her son and husband are in the front row. That’s cool.

Mark Henry vs. John Cena

This is due to Cena costing Henry a win last week over Ryder. The bell rang at 1055 so this isn’t going to last long. We go to a break less than a minute in. Back with Henry in control,. Cena tries a slam but falls backwards. Off to a neck vice but Cena suplexes his way out of it. He hits the Shuffle but collapses on an AA attempt which gets two for Mark. Henry calls Cena Mr. USA I think.

Cena avoids a powerslam and hammers away but the shoulders don’t put Henry down. Instead Cena jumps into a bearhug and he’s in trouble. He escapes for a few seconds and hits the Slam but falls down afterwards. Then some fire goes off and KANE is back. He has a modified version of the old music and looks like he’s wearing a metal mask. He chokeslams Cena and I guess it’s thrown out at we’ll say 9 minutes. The mask looks ridiculous, but he takes it off post chokeslam to reveal a more traditional one. There’s Cena’s match for Sunday I guess.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here but the end was the whole point of it. Kane was someone that needed to return, if nothing else to give Cena something to do on Sunday. The mask being back….why? His video has the shot of him not in a mask, but he’s wearing one here. I don’t get it, but that sums up most of WWE at this point for me.

Overall Rating: D+. This show didn’t do it for me. I mean it really didn’t do it for me. The awards were pretty weak and while there were a few nice surprises, they didn’t really help get the show going, at least not for me. It wasn’t bad and I’ve definitely seen worse stuff, but this didn’t do much. The crowd didn’t care but I think that’s due to the nature of the show more than anything else. Too much talking too and not a good show overall, but it had its spots. Nice surprise at the end too.

Results
Big Show b. Wade Barrett via DQ when Barrett used a chair
Dolph Ziggler b. Daniel Bryan, Cody Rhodes and Zach Ryder – Zig Zag to Bryan
The Miz/Alberto Del Rio b. Randy Orton/CM Punk – Skull Crushing Finale to Punk
John Cena vs. Mark Henry went to a no contest when Kane interfered

Here’s TLC if you’re interested:

Best of the WWF Volume 7
Host: Gene Okerlund
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura, Vince McMahon

We’re back to this again and this is the second time I’ve had to do the first half because I screwed something up and I’m an idiot. Anyway this is from mid 86 which isn’t a good time for the WWF other than this new guy named Savage who is kind of awesome. Other than that there isn’t much to it. Let’s get to it.

Dig that Coliseum Video opening! And yes I know I say that every time but it’s still awesome.

Gene welcomes us to the tape and runs down the card.

Pedro Morales vs. Terry Funk

We’re in Boston here in I’d guess early 86. Gene tells us about Morales holding what we would now call the Triple Crown. Morales is at the end of his career here but he was still big enough of a draw to be brought into the big New England crowds. Morales hammers away and Funk is all messed up early on. Then again he might just be Terry Funk. Funk comes back in and throws Pedro onto the announce table.

Morales may have injured a hamstring on the fall. Funk hammers him in the head and does a little Ali Shuffle. He keeps peppering Morales and they go out onto the table again. Funk actually pulls the headset off of Gorilla who implies a showdown later on. That could actually be worth seeing. Or maybe that was Jimmy Hart. Pedro goes shoulder first into the post and this has been totally one sided so far.

Funk pulls some tape out of his tights and chokes away. Morales gets it though and here comes the firey Latin temper that he was famous for. He knocks Terry around as Jimmy is freaking out on the floor. Funk gets knocked to the floor and the steps get turned over. He goes head first into them and hides under them like a true cowardly heel. Pedro teases jumping off the top but settles for drilling Funk upside the head. Funk does a perfect Flair Flop off the apron to the floor.

I don’t think I’ve seen anything other than punches in this match so far and that’s made it awesome. Funk is all over the place, looking either drunk or old. In other words, he’s perfectly fine. Back to the floor again and Terry finds a wooden chair under the ring but it doesn’t get used. Instead Pedro punches him some more and kicks him in the back. Funk gets his trunks pulled down and that’s an image I really didn’t need to see twice in one night. Jimmy slips Funk the Megaphone and a shot to the head ends this.

Rating: B-. This was a great old school brawl from two great old school brawlers. Funny how something like that works isn’t it? Pedro was more or less done after this and it’s not like Funk ever did much in his run in the WWF. At least after this he went back to the NWA where he was much more successful.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Savage

This was the hottest feud on the planet back then and Savage jumps him as soon as Hogan hits the ring. He destroys Hogan for about three minutes with the robe and shades still on. And that is why Randy Savage is better than you: he can make a robe, sunglasses and purple underwear look awesome. A bunch of belt shots, including one off the top are all cool with the referee.

Liz gets on the apron for dramatic convenience and Hogan takes over with his big rights. Now he has the shades on and he chokes away with the headband. We head to the floor and Savage goes into the post, busting him open badly. Hulk peppers him with some shots to the open cut. What a strategic American hero.

We get our first non-punch move of the match: a choke by Hogan. The fans are WAY into this as Liz gets up on the apron again. Savage gets a shot in and sends Hogan to the floor. There’s the double axe to the outside and another one on the inside for two. Savage goes up and there’s the big elbow, but Hogan does the superhero kickout at one. It’s Hulk Up time and I think you know where this is going.

Hogan goes off on him and there is blood everywhere. There’s the big boot and Savage keeps trying to run. Back to the floor and Hogan sets to ram him into the post but Liz stops him. Savage gets down and rams Hogan into the post. We have a bell for some reason and I guess we’re done? There are spots of blood on Hogan’s trunks.

Rating: B. This is one of those matches where there wasn’t any kind of a story to it and it was just a big brawl from bell to bell. Due to that, the fans LOVED this and never stopped freaking out the entire time. These two did this same match almost every night on the house shows and it never stopped working. Once they teamed up in 88 they were almost unstoppable and it’s why the matches they had after they Exploded were so awesome.

Post match Hogan goes nuts, throwing on a bear hug. It takes a bunch of the roster to break it up. It’s cool to see that from Hogan (who is getting cheered harder than almost anyone else I’ve ever heard in the Garden) who rarely shows much anger. It’s a countout win for Savage if you’re interested, which was Hogan’s second straight loss to Savage in MSG. There’s huge heat on Savage being announced as the winner.

Lou Albano vs. Arnold Skaaland

This is a battle of the managers from 77, which I believe was a HUGE feud if I remember right. They’re both old but the fans are all over this. Skaaland drills him after the bell and Albano almost immediately runs. I think I’ve seen this before. I mean before I erased the review earlier tonight. Albano goes old school on the heel style with a foreign object that isn’t really there. Do that about four or five times and you’re going to need a police escort out of the place, at least back in the day.

The beating goes on for awhile and it’s more or less all Albano just popping him in the head with the object. Seriously that’s all the match is but if I know my MSG crowds, the pop for the comeback is going to be oh yeah there it is. Skaaland gets the object and drills Albano with it a few times to blow the roof off the place. Albano bails and it’s a countout win for Arnold.

Rating: B-. I know that’s way too high for four and a half minutes of nothing but punches, but dang the fans ate this up. They’re two old managers but that’s all this needed to be: a beating by Albano and then a big comeback win for Skaaland, which is all the fans wanted to see. This is a walking definition of less being more.

Tag Titles: Toru Tanaka/Mr. Fuji vs. Haystacks Calhoun/Tony Garea

The non-Japanese guys are champions here. This is a rematch from when the country boy and Garea, the guy from New Zealand won the titles earlier in the year. It’s also 2/3 falls. Calhoun is about 600lbs and was the biggest guy in the company’s history until some French giant arrived. Tanaka throws the salt that is always thrown by Japanese guys for some reason and some little old ladies keep sweeping it up. Ok then.

We’re almost immediately clipped to Garea and Tanaka starting us off. Garea hooks a headlock and is really bland looking while doing so. Calhoun is really happy and jolly. He’s a hillbilly character the size of Yokozuna if that gives you a visual. He comes in too celebrate because his partner hooks a chinlock. See what I’m dealing with here? The heels cheat to take over and it’s off to Fuji. It’s so weird to see him in shape.

Garea fights back, hitting what Tito Santana used called a head knocker. Clipped again to Garea backdropping Tanaka and it’s off to the fat man. He does a few comedy spots but also some simple ones like sitting on Tanaka’s chest instead of dropping onto him. The second time he does it, Garea stands on Haystacks’ back. Calhoun takes some salt to the eye but he gets out easily. A few shoulders get two on Tanaka. And there’s a spin kick to the stomach for the first fall for Tanaka.

Clipped to the start of the second fall with Tony pounding away on Tanaka some more. He hooks a front facelock which is ruled a choke in a rare thing to see for a face’s move. We get the most obvious clipping I’ve ever seen as all of a sudden Fuji is in the hold instead of Tanaka. I know they’re sneaky but come on now. Everything breaks down and the heels double team Calhoun enough for a DQ to tie things up.

Third fall begins with Calhoun all messed up but that’s normal for him as he was always kind of played up as a simpleton. Garea starts of course and Tanaka wants a handshake. They do some lame brawling and Garea hammers away even more. Off to the country boy again and the big splash keeps the titles on Calhoun and Garea.

Rating: D+. This was really pretty boring. I’ve seen some old school matches that are good but this was nothing to see at all. Calhoun was a big old school draw but he didn’t do much for me. The match was nothing to see and was mainly Garea doing the whole thing and boring me to death the entire time. The Japanese team would get the titles back later in the year.

Calhoun splashes Tanaka again because he can.

This next one is from Showdown at Shea so it’s pasting time. Monsoon does commentary on the tape but I’m not watching this again.

Intercontinental Title: Ken Patera vs. Tony Atlas

This is pre-jail for Patera so he’s blonde and still kind of awesome. Atlas is Mr. USA and a generic strongman. Surprisingly good reaction for Atlas. This sums up Patera very well: before Mark Henry, there was Ken Patera. Just with a lower level of suck that is. Atlas is RIPPED with a body that makes John Cena look like Yokozuna. He throws Patera through the ropes on a kickout. Keep in mind Patera weighs about 270.

Foley goes into this insane story about how he remembers the Atlas/Johnson title win and how a strange set of circumstances that night led to him being world champion. Cole is ON IT tonight, talking about how the guys are doing everything in much more dramatic fashion because there’s no video or anything like that so the view you have from the stands is all you have. That’s something I wouldn’t have thought of but it’s very true.

We then get something I’d bet you will hear on a maximum of three other WWE produced shows ever: Foley says a lot of the matches aren’t that good. How many times can you remember someone that flat out saying a show has been bad for the most part? Vince would call the worst matches ever “extraordinary” or something like that while Foley is sitting here saying this show hasn’t been very good. He’s absolutely right which is very nice to hear for a change, especially from someone that knows what it’s like to be out there.

Full nelson goes on but Atlas gets the ropes. The announcers don’t talk about the matches at all and are just telling stories about how their memories of these guys which is really fun to hear. It’s nice to hear guys that love this stuff just sit around and talk about wrestling rather than put things over. We get an interesting issue as the fans chant USA for Mr. USA Tony Atlas. Keep in mind Patera was a legitimate Olympian.

Cross body gets two for Atlas as Cole runs down the history of Shea Stadium. We hit the floor for some brawling and Patera is in trouble. This is a big brawl for the most part and we get a bell as Patera stays outside too long. Foley calls the finish unsatisfying. Atlas gets on the mic and wants more but the champion runs.

Rating: C-. Not very good but fun. Power vs. power is easy to do and this worked fine. Both guys oversold everything which is the idea here and it worked rather well. Not great or anything but fun which is what the idea is supposed to be here. Atlas was pretty decent actually.

Now we get to one of the theme parts of the tape: The Slammies! This was for the original broadcast, which is so far beyond campy it reaches the city again. Gene goes up to some fans and annoys them. All he does is ask who is winning tonight, without asking about categories or nominees. This goes on way too long and he doesn’t seem to stop asking decent looking women. One guy wisely walks away from him. I really hope these guys are plants. This is in Baltimore. The only interesting thing here: Gene says the words jabrino and kayfabe. This goes on WAY too long.

Jesse talks to Piper while Piper is in the bathroom.

Now we get to the main part of the awards. Vince and Gorilla are hosting and Gorilla has to zip up. The first award is for Most Ignominious and it was voted up by the WWF Academy of Arts and Sciences. The winner (and only nominee) is Nikolai Volkoff. Sheik and Volkoff (in wrestling gear and a cheap suit respectively) come out to accept the award but Sheik falls on his face. Volkoff thinks it’s a singing award. He doesn’t know what ignominious means and when he finds out he isn’t pleased. Nikolai says he shouldn’t be the Most Ignominious. He should be the SECOND Most Ignominious.

Roddy Piper wins the award for best performance in the Land of 1000 Dances video. He has what appears to be a broom with him for some reason. The trophy breaks as soon as he picks it up. He says that’s typical of MTV: Music to Vomit by. Oh that Roddy. He’s so crazy. Like MTV has anything to do with music.

Hart Foundation vs. British Bulldogs

If this isn’t awesome, they’re having an off night. Bret and Dynamite start us off and things are in high gear already. Bret bails and we’re clipped. YOU AIR TEN MINUTES OF GENE ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS AND YOU CLIP THIS??? Bret gets sent outside again and it’s off to Davey. It’s power vs. power now as Anvil comes in. They trade slams and Davey does it with just one arm. Show-off.

Davey makes Anvil look stupid (a far stretch to be sure) and it’s off to Bret. The Harts take over on Davey and work him over in their corner. This is Foundation 101 and to be fair it’s 80s tagging 101. They’re in the black and blue which I always like a little better than the pink. Smith gets the tag to Dynamite but Bret pops him in the back as he’s hitting the ropes. Now the REAL beating begins. Anvil sends him to the floor where Bret slams him on the concrete.

The heels do some old school cheating like switching without tagging and other such nefarious means. Dynamite takes the Bret chest first to the buckle bump. The Harts work over the ribs and back for the most part. There’s some heel miscommunication as Bret holds Dynamite’s arms back but Anvil has a boot up in the corner to ram Dynamite’s head into. You don’t often see that from the Harts.

Davey finally freaks out and chases Bret around the ring which just allows choking by Anvil. They continue the tag cheating ways by having Dynamite make the tag but Bret distracts to keep the tag from counting. I love stuff like that. Dynamite tries to spin out of a backbreaker like a tilt-a-whirl but I think they botch it to a degree. Backslide gets two for the Kid.

Dynamite gets tied up in the ropes but escapes just in time to avoid a flying Hitman who crashes into the ropes. Hot tag FINALLY brings in Davey to clean house. There’s the press slam to Bret. The numbers catch up with him and he takes a Hart Attack. Bret covers him, only to have Dynamite fly off the top with a swan dive (he was Benoit’s idol) and makes the illegal pin.

Rating: B. Oh come on it’s the Bulldogs vs. the Harts. This would be good if none of them had any limbs on their bodies. This is probably the best pairing of any WWF teams in this era, and when you consider how totally stacked the division was in this era, I can’t really think of any higher praise.

Fabulous Rougeaus vs. Moon Dogs

The lighting is horrible here so I’m assuming this is in a non-American city. I’m right as it’s from an unnamed city in Australia. The Rougeaus are brand new here. This incarnation of the Moon Dogs are Rex and Spot, probably the most successful pair. The Rougeaus take turns beating up on Rex, who is returning it seems. The brothers aren’t even in matching tights so this must be very early in their run in the company. Further research says this is their first month there.

Spot comes in but the beard doesn’t work its usual magic as he’s rolled up for two. We’re in Sydney if you’re particularly interested. According to Hayes this is the Rougeaus’ debut. The newcomers work over Spot but we’re clipped to him holding Raymond in a bearhug. Hot tag brings in Jacques who cleans house and hits a cross body for the pin on Rex.

Rating: C-. Pretty much a nothing tag match here but that wasn’t the point. This was the team’s debut and they needed a win over an established team to get anywhere. Also it’s just a house show match for a country that didn’t get much mainstream wrestling, so it’s not like this was supposed to be anything of note.

Dream Team vs. Iron Sheik vs. Nikolai Volkoff

Both teams here have lost the tag titles at Mania so they have that in common. Also this is the rare heel vs. heel pairing. This might be in Philly but I’m not 100% sure. Oh ok this is before Mania 2 so the Dream Team (Beefcake/Valentine) are the champions. Off to Beefcake who gets caught in the other evil corner. Nikolai hammers away on him and wins a brief power struggle.

I think the champs are the de facto faces here. Valentine has a little bit better luck against the Russian so it’s off to Sheik. He hooks an abdominal stretch and Gorilla still finds something to complain about with it. The Sheik goes aerial with a dropkick of all things and gets two. Brutus gets the tag and this match is boring me to death. The not yet Barber misses a middle rope fist to Volkoff and it’s time for a bearhug to waste more time. Camel Clutch by Sheik is broken up and Valentine comes in, as does everyone else. And there’s the lame double DQ. At least it’s over.

Rating: D-. This was one of the lamest matches I’ve seen in years. Just boring all around and the whole thing didn’t work at all. The Dream Team was straight up boring but would be together until Mania 3 because the fans hadn’t suffered enough I guess. Just a horrible match and terribly boring.

Overall Rating: B-. The last match really drains this because aside from that, I really didn’t have anything to complain about. Everything works really well and you get an hour and a half of great stuff until the last match on the tape just kills this thing deader than Coliseum Video. If they had put Hogan vs. Savage on last, this goes WAY up in value. Still good stuff though, which is rare in this series.

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Smackdown
Date: December 9, 2011
Location: Jacksonville Memorial Coliseum, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

We’re back to Fridays again after what I thought was a very good holiday show. It seems I was in the minority on that but that tends to be the case most of the time with this show. It should be another decent one as we close in on both TLC as well as the end of the year. I don’t remember any matches being announced but that’s not to abnormal. Let’s get to it.

We open with Booker T down near the entrance. Cody Rhodes is standing near him and we get a clip from before the show went on the air of Booker getting beaten down by Cody. I guess we’ll be having a two man commentary team tonight.

Lillian Garcia is back and I think I’d rather look at her than Chimmel. Cody cuts her off and says no one cares that she’s back and no one noticed that she left. It matches the departure of one Booker T. He hopes that he made his message clear tonight. Cody is going to take Booker’s place tonight (Cody: “Who else is going to talk about a Fave Five with eleven people in it?”).

There are tables, ladders and chairs all around ringside. I mean in addition to the usual chairs that are around ringside in the audience that is.

Tonight there’s going to be a Beat the Clock Challenge between Barrett and Orton. The idea is both of them will have a match and both will be timed. Whoever wins their match in the fastest time will get to pick the kind of match they have at TLC: tables, ladders or chairs.

Wade Barrett vs. Ezekiel Jackson

If Jackson wins here then all Orton has to do is win his match later. He takes over to start as Cody talks about how awesome he is. Barrett hits a front legged chopblock and sends Jackson shoulder first into the post. His hair is all wild again so you know he means business. Cole and Cody suck each other off a bit as Barrett takes over with his usual stuff like the pumphandle.

We take a break and come back with Barrett holding a chinlock. It’s nice having that clock there to keep time for me. Jackson breaks the hold and fires back with clotheslines in the corner and Barrett is covering up. Here come the slams but Barrett escapes the Rack. Wasteland can’t hit but the Bossman Slam ends this at 7:53. That was refreshing to see: a secondary move ending a match.

Rating: C-. Not a great match or anything but I almost always enjoy Barrett’s in ring work. He uses some stuff that isn’t very common but it’s nothing that makes him look too over the top. More people could easily do this and I have no idea why they don’t. Jackson is a guy I don’t see being around that often as he’s pretty just just a jobber to the stars anymore, which is about where you would expect him.

Barrett says Orton is the only thing standing in his way of the world title, and that doesn’t mean anything as he’s inside Orton’s head as opposed to Orton being in everyone else’s head. The voice in Barrett’s head is saying Orton is out of time.

Show vs. Henry is officially a chairs match, which is the only match that really makes sense for them.

Otunga complains about being in the street fight last week because he’s part of the Raw roster. Otunga tells Teddy that the loss should be expunged from his record. Teddy agrees but says that Otunga is subject to the whim of the authority figure. Since Otunga is here tonight, he’s going to compete against someone Teddy has been looking for an opponent for: Sheamus.

Josh is in the ring and brings out Daniel Bryan. His ribs are taped up due to the cage match last week. He says he’s very sore but what hurt worse was the disappointment of letting everyone down. Everything he had ever wanted was right in front of him and he let it slip away. Cole cuts him off as he starts to tell a story about his dad and goes on a rant about how Bryan never earned anything. Bryan points at Cody and says he made him tap to earn his shot. Cole says Bryan should go away so here comes Bryan after Cole. Cody blasts Bryan and referees break it up. Cole working with Cody? I’m not sure how I feel about that.

After a break, Cody vs. Bryan is announced for later.

Zack Ryder vs. Heath Slater

Remember the bad reaction Ryder got Monday? It’s made up for here. No entrance for Slater. Ok so a lot of that is canned but there was definitely a reaction for him. Slater takes him down for a few seconds but the Broski Boot and Rough Ryder end this at 1:25.

Ted DiBiase vs. Jinder Mahal

Thank goodness this isn’t on PPV. Cole freaks out over the DiBiase Posse thing. Mahal dominates to start and there’s no Cody anymore on commentary which I forgot to mention. You can always tell when the crowd doesn’t care because you can hear the referee talking. The jingoistic fans chant USA while Cole doesn’t want to talk because he’s mad at Matthews for some reason or another. Mahal hits some jumping knees to the face and then gets rolled up for the pin at 2:54. This was REALLY bad.

We get a clip from some music awards where Big Show chokeslammed country singer Trace Adkins through a table.

After a break Big Show is in the ring. He talks about how nine years ago, he beat Brock Lesnar in Madison Square Garden for the WWE Title. People said that was impossible but he did it. He thinks nine years is long enough time for him to do the impossible again and beat Mark Henry for the title. With all the chairs they’ll have around the ring and the people in there, the physics say it has to get mean and nasty. At TLC, the Hall of Pain gets closed.

Here’s Henry who says he’s half hurt. His ankle is still hurt but he didn’t tape it so he’s not looking for a fight. He yells at a fan to shut up so the fans chant at him to shut up. Henry wants to say something to Show’s face but wants a promise that Show won’t put his hands on him. Show thinks about it really hard and says no. Henry seems to be trying to get out of the match by saying that it won’t mean anything if Show beats an injured man. He asks for the courtesy of Show not putting his hands on him if he gets in. Show finally relents and Henry gets in.

Henry gets in and says he’s the champion. In two weeks at TLC he should be 100%. Then why did he bring up the beating an injured man thing earlier? Henry says people will talk about this fight for decades. Mark asks to let bygones be bygones and may the best man win. He extends his hand which Show shakes reluctantly. Henry goes to leave but stops. He says Show thinks he’s (Show) a monster. Show just thinks it, but Henry really is and the fight is on. Show drops an elbow on the leg and Henry bails so Show goes after him. He gets a chair and cracks Henry in the back and leg with it.

Sheamus vs. David Otunga

Hornswoggle is the guest ring announcer. Josh asks a great question: if Otunga is so smart, why does he keep coming here and talking himself into situations he can’t get out of? I love stupid heels. Otunga is officially Johnny Ace’s assistant. Otunga tries to take him down early and Sheamus is like “no boyo.” He powers David around and hits the ten forearms to the chest. Otunga gets in the required jobber offense and Sheamus does the freaky eyed smile. Powerslam and Brogue Kick end this at 2:57. Just a squash.

Horny and Sheamus celebrate and we cut to the Second Coming video.

Daniel Bryan vs. Cody Rhodes

The video is ignored again. Bryan fires off kicks to start but Cody breaks it up with an elbow to the ribs. A release gordbuster gets two. Why is it so hard for people to focus on an injured body part? If you were in a real fight and you saw someone with a bunch of bandages around a body part, where would you aim? Cole goes on another rant and again it makes me roll my eyes.

Bryan gets knocked to the floor into the barricade as we take a break. Back with Cody holding Bryan in an abdominal stretch. Cody starts ripping the tape off and Cole talks about fearing for his personal safety earlier. Bryan sends him to the floor and tries the suicide dive, which really is just him shoving Cody out of the way. Bryan crashes into the barricade again with much more impact than Cody’s landing had. Cole, correctly this time, calls Rhodes an idiot.

Rhodes gets back in but Bryan is getting fired up on the floor. Here come the kicks. Why would you get on your knees in a match with Daniel Bryan? It’s just not going to end well for you no matter what you do. A running dropkick in the corner sets up a top rope splash attempt but Rhodes moves, sending the bad ribs into the mat again. And here’s Booker for the DQ at 5:56 shown of 9:26.

Rating: C. This was getting good by the end and I wanted to see where it was going. The ending makes sense but it’s kind of a disappointment. However, it was the right way to go as Bryan is getting pushed hard now and you don’t want the IC Champion to lose either, so having it go this way is the right call. Decent match, disappointing (though understandable) ending.

Booker gets the better of the brawl and Cody runs.

Aksana and Teddy are in the back when Cody interferes. He wants a match with Booker so Teddy makes it for TLC for the title. It’s about time he defended the thing. Aksana stares at Cody as he leaves.

Orton says if you want to know his thoughts, ask Barrett. He’s thinking that Barrett did Ziggler (Orton’s opponent tonight) a favor because Orton won’t be able to make the suffering last as long as he usually does. He says he has Barrett exactly where he wants him.

Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler

This is strange. I read the spoilers for this show and there was a Divas tag taped for it and there’s no sign of it anywhere here. The show is about as long as it usually is and there’s nothing to indicate that anything is missing. I had heard that the Australian broadcast of the show had the post match angle of it cut but the entire match is missing here. Strange indeed. Then again they’re the Divas so who cares?

Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler

Orton has to win in under 7:53. No Swagger with Dolph here. Orton hits a pair of dropkicks and gets three near falls in the first thirty seconds. Dolph stomps away in the corner but Randy stops him cold, hitting the knee drop for two. Six minutes left. Ziggler kicks him in the knee and hits a Fameasser for two. Off to something like a cobra clutch with five minutes left.

A DDT gets two as Dolph is going slowly here, which is perfectly fine for the thinking of this match. Back to a chinlock with four minutes to go. Neckbreaker for two and the clock is running down. Ziggler takes forever getting up top and is crotched with three minutes left. A big superplex by Orton gets two. With a little over two minutes to go Orton starts his finishing sequence.

Two minutes left and Orton hits the backbreaker. Ziggler tries to run but gets caught in the Elevated DDT for two with 70 seconds left. Dolph rolls to the floor and Barrett slips behind Orton and sends him into the post with about 40 seconds left. Orton is outside with 15 seconds to go. And the RKO hits for the pin at 7:51 and two seconds left.

Rating: C-. Really didn’t like this one because of the time thing. It hurts a lot when you know the match isn’t going to break eight minutes and we’re all just waiting on the RKO to hit with about 8 seconds left. It’s not horrible but when you get used to these two stealing the show, this is really pretty disappointing by comparison.

Post match Barrett beats Orton down some more and says he has a suggestion for the match. He sets up Wasteland through a table but Orton escapes. Barrett runs and Orton makes it a table match. Ziggler goes through it instead.

Overall Rating: C. I really wasn’t feeling this one tonight. A lot got added to the PPV but it felt like they were doing this blindfolded. I can’t put my finger on it but things felt like they were off by a step all night. It’s not a bad show, but this is definitely one of their weaker entries in a very long time. Like I said though, a lot was added to the PPV and that’s what counts. I just wish getting there had been a little better.

Results
Wade Barrett b. Ezekiel Jackson – Bossman Slam
Zack Ryder b. Heath Slater – Rough Ryder
Ted DiBiase b. Jinder Mahal – Small Package
Sheamus b. David Otunga – Brogue Kick
Cody Rhodes b. Daniel Bryan via disqualification when Booker T interfered
Randy Orton b. Dolph Ziggler – RKO

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I’m a huge Star Wars fan. I love the characters, I love the stories, I love the themes, I love everything about it. When I was a kid I went to my uncle’s house one day and he was watching Empire Strikes Back. This was my first introduction to the series and I was immediately wanting more. It turned out that the reason the movie was on TV that day was because the films were being re-released into theaters. I was very lucky because the first time I saw the original three movies was on the big screen.

Then a few years passed and I heard about the Star Wars prequels. These would be three movies set before the original trilogy that told how we reached the events of the first three movies. My friends that were Star Wars fans were so excited they could barely contain themselves. My immediate reaction: why would I want to see a bunch of movies when I already know what happens after them?

That’s the problem I have with any prequel movie: we know that Anakin Skywalker goes to the Dark Side and becomes Darth Vader. We know that he’s the father of Luke and Leia. We know that Yoda goes into hiding. We know that eventually Vader turns back to good. In other words, we know the endings, so why in the world am I supposed to get interested in what else happens? At the end of the third prequel there’s a huge duel between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin. I know neither of them is going to die, because they’re in the next movies. Yeah the scene is really cool and it’s a great fight, but I’m not going to be on the edge of my seat, because I know no one dies.

Now what does this have to do with John Cena vs. The Rock at Wrestlemania 28? The answer is simple: why should I care about what happens to John Cena from the night the match is made until the bell rings at Wrestlemania 28? His ending is already set in stone. We know where his road leads and no matter what happens to him, he’s going to be in the main event in Miami on April 1, 2012. Why should I as a fan care about all these lesser matches and feuds that he’s in?

Now don’t get me wrong: his feud with Punk was very entertaining and I got into it big time. But at the end of the day, it’s really just giving Cena stuff to fill his time for the next year. This matches his matches really uninteresting unless you get something special like his feud with Punk. Cena could lose every match he’s in and he’s still going to be in the main event. There’s no way that’s going to change barring Cena having every bone ripped out of his body, burning the flesh and muscle that remains, and feeding the charred pieces to a little boy in Idaho.

There are other ramifications to this as well and we’ll start with CM Punk. Ignoring the fact that ratings haven’t done jack with Punk on top (it’s reality. Get over it internet fanboys), what incentive does Punk have to work hard this year? He’s not going to be in the main event of Wrestlemania, which is the point of any wrestler lacing up a pair of boots. There’s no point to having a big angle wasted on him, because he’s going to be playing probably fourth fiddle to Rock, Taker, and whatever Orton is doing. Want proof this is reality?

Back in the 80s and 90s WCW held their TV tapings about three months in advance. You would have shows taped passed the next PPV in the can on a regular basis. There were at least two instances that I know of where a title change was already booked before the champions that were taped losing the titles won them in the first place. Let’s say you’re one of those teams. What incentive is there for you to put on good matches and work on your craft if you’re destined to lose the titles on so and so date no matter what happens?

Another possible outcome of doing things this far in advance: what if something major happens that you have no control over? Again, look to the WCW tapings. The main event of Starrcade 93 was to be Sid vs. Vader for the title with Sid winning the belt. They taped weeks of stuff in advance of Sid with the title (yes they gave away the ending to the biggest show of the year months in advance. And people wonder why they went out of business), but a funny thing happened on the way to Charlotte: Sid never won the title.

Instead he took a pair of scissors and stabbed Arn Anderson with them, getting himself fired and basically thrown out of any major company for about two and a half years. That’s why Flair was thrown into the main event at the last minute. All of the material shot with Sid as champion was officially worthless so they had to just throw it away and start over, eating all of the costs. See how this could become a problem?

Imagine if the unthinkable happens and Cena or Rock is injured. After we pull Vince off every rooftop in the country, they would have to call in order, Austin, Shawn and HHH to come in and fill in the spot. All of those would be huge, but they wouldn’t be in the same league as Rock vs. Cena. That match has been built up for over a year by the time Mania rolls around and while it would be big, it would feel like a letdown. That brings me to my next point: guys like Austin.

People keep wanting to see Austin have one more match and they want it to be at Mania 28 against Punk or whomever. People that say this can keep dreaming, because there’s no way that he’s going to have his one last (yeah right) match on the same night that Rock makes his big epic return to face the biggest star of this generation in a showdown almost 15 months in the making. Austin is a smart man, and he’s too smart to try something like that.

The same goes for HHH. Do you think he’s going to have a big marquee match at Mania? Do you think it was a coincidence that he was gone for almost the entire build to Survivor Series? HHH is still viewed as a special attraction and he’s not going to go out there and waste one of the handful of big matches he has left when Rock is going to get 10,000% of the attention? Again, HHH is a smart man and he’s too smart to try something like that.

In summation, I’d think it was a bad idea to build up Rock vs. Cena for a year in advance. It’s going to draw a hue buyrate for Mania, but it would have done that anyway. It’s not like Rock has been around every week for the buildup or anything like that, so I really think that all the negatives I listed above outweigh the good things that a build like this brings with it.

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NXT
Date: December 7, 2011
Location: Jacksonville Memorial Coliseum, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Matt Striker, Josh Matthews

Into December we go with more NXT nonsense. After last week’s shocking, yes SHOCKING I say, ending with Maxine leaving with Johnny Curtis, I think we have a theme for the week. Hopefully we get more Usos and less Bateman this time as I can only take so much of that curly haired lunkhead. Let’s get to it.

The Usos open us up with the Siva Tao. That would be so awesome at a high school football game. They’re here for a match but first do the “We say Us, you say O” deal with the audience and again it gets a solid response. However before we get to the popular tag team that puts on good matches, here’s Bateman to talk about Maxine. The Usos say Tamina lied last week and Bateman runs off.

Usos vs. Tyler Reks/Curt Hawkins

Hawkins vs. Jimmy to start us off and we’re told that Striker and Hawkins are from the same neighborhood. Off to Reks and he has about as much success as Hawkins. We’re told that the Usos both played college football at the University of Hawaii. Stereo clotheslines put the non-relatives on the floor. Reks takes over on I think Jey and knocks him to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Hawkins grabbing a chinlock. Jey fights off as Josh makes fun of Matt’s commentary. A spinning forearm takes down Curt and it’s off to Jimmy. The momentum shifts (or the pendulum has swung for you Monsoon enthusiasts) and Jimmy takes over on Reks. The Umaga corner shot gets two. Reks hits a clothesline and puts on a Torture Rack, but Jimmy comes out with a bulldog for two. The Usos beat down both guys with kicks and a top rope splash pins Reks at 8:35.

Rating: B-. I liked this and if it had a few more minutes it could have been something really good. The Usos are just so far and away better than anyone else in the tag ranks right now and they’re better than most of them on the main shows too. I have no idea why they’re stuck on NXT but that’s WWE for you: keep popular teams away because WWE hasn’t decided we should cheer for them yet.

Bateman is looking for Maxine and runs into Maxine’s mom. She flirts with him and Curtis comes up. Mama Maxine slaps Bateman and implies that he started it. She leaves and Curtis said he didn’t try anything with Maxine. He was with Bateman’s mom last week though. That makes Bateman yell and charge like an idiot but he gets stopped before the beatdown. Does ANYONE care about Derrick Bateman? Seriously?

Tyler Reks/Percy Watson vs. JTG/Darren Young

My goodness this looks boring. Watson vs. JTG to get us going as Striker makes jokes about Maxine’s mama, whose name is “first name” Portia Perez. Now they’re stealing SHIMMER names. Watson and JTG exchange some basic stuff and it’s off to Young, who hits a belly to back suplex on the apron. Back to Jimmy the Gimmick who grabs an odd neckbreaker for two.

JTG slaps on a seated abdominal stretch for awhile and then it’s a chinlock. What a variety. Watson fires off a dropkick to a jumping JTG and Titus finally gets into this after about five and a half minutes. He beats up both guys and hits a shoulderbreaker for two on Young. Tamina gets on the apron as a distraction and Young gets a rollup pin at 6:40. That ending came out of nowhere and was pretty bad.

Rating: D+. Total polar opposite of the opening match with there being nothing interesting here at all. Titus is being wasted in this tag team. They could easily just put him into a Goldberg style character but instead we have to have Darren Young out there to bore everyone out of their minds. I do not get this show at all.

Titus is upset about the loss and talks about the show running for 39 weeks. He said Young doesn’t care about the people and gets booed for it. Titus is booed for it I mean. He issues a challenge for next week against Young, saying it’s about being a man, not Redemption. Here’s the problem: as it stands, there’s nothing on the line about this match/fight. If one of them wins so what? If the other one of them wins so what? That’s the problem with this show.

Video on the WWE Network. I need to look into getting that.

Derrick Bateman vs. Johnny Curtis

We have about 9 minutes for this show. We could be in trouble here people. There’s no Maxine in sight. Bateman is all mad so he gets clotheslined down quickly. Bateman hammers him down in the corner and might be bleeding from the nose a bit. They go to the floor and Bateman misses a dropkick off the apron. He’s holding his arm and I think I heard someone say they were getting the doctor. They go to a break so maybe there’s something to that.

Back with Curtis working on the arm and we’re told that the medics were out checking on Bateman during the break. That’s probably due to the bloody nose though. Curtis works on the arm even more and shouts that he loves all the fans. Bateman fights back and allegedly it’s him showing fire. By fire, they mean a clothesline and a backslide. The fans are openly booing now. Thankfully they pick up on it and Bateman hits his awful falling bulldog for the pin at 7:13.

Rating: D-. Oh just no. I have no idea if this was supposed to be a face turn for Bateman or what, but it didn’t work at all here. The people just do not care at all about these two and their love triangle or whatever shape it is. This was an awful match because the wrestling was horrible and the angle sucked. Turning Bateman face would help him tremendously, but he’ll need more than that.

Maxine comes out post match and yells, asking how he could do that with her mother. The engagement is off. Now the face stuff makes more sense.

Overall Rating: C. This show started off pretty good but the love triangle thing just sucked the life out of it. Bateman turning face out of it is a good thing, but they couldn’t find anyone less dull than Johnny Curtis? That’s a running problem in WWE at the moment: heels suck. Other than on Smackdown where you have Barrett and Henry (who is rapidly losing steam), most of the heels are just dull. Oh and Ziggler is good. Other than that, there’s not much and it’s showing badly. Better show than usual, but nothing to write about.

Results
Usos b. Curt Hawkins/Tyler Reks – Top rope splash to Reks
JTG/Darren Young b. Percy Watson/Titus O’Neil – Rollup to O’Neil
Derrick Bateman b. Johnny Curtis – Falling Bulldog

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The ratings are down again this week and so I’ll throw the title question out to you: how would you make Raw more exciting/better?

My theory:Make the show more cliffhanger based.  There’s almost no reason to watch from one week to another unless you already watch the show.  When you think about it, when is the last time you saw a Raw end where you had to tune in the next week to see the next part of a story?  Everything is self-contained anymore and it’s like they’re starting from scratch every week.  I’m not saying have it turn into Nitro with everything being a cliffhanger where you have to TUNE INTO NEXT WEEK’S NITRO TO FIND OUT, but make it more than so and so stands tall to end the show.  That gets really boring really fast.

Oh and stop talking about Twitter and promote your shows.

Your thoughts?

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 5, 2011
Location: St. Pete Times Forum, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

There are two shows left before TLC and one of them is the Slammies so this is going to be a normal show by comparison. Last week’s show rocked so let’s hope this one can do the same. For some reason they’re trying to push the idea that all of a sudden Cena is having so many issues with the fans after saying for years that its their right. As usual, WWE doesn’t get that some people have no idea what they’re talking about. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Cena to kick things off. He talks about last week with Piper and how the fans have a mixed reaction to him. He says that he knows the fans aren’t all in love with him, but without them, there’s no show. Without the fans, there’s no work. Therefore, every fan has earned the right to think whatever they want about him.

However, the thing that mattered last week was the slap to the face of Cena. He kind of drops that though and starts talking about CM Punk. He says that the only thing bigger than Rock vs. Cena at Wrestlemania is Rock vs. Cena for the WWE Title at Wrestlemania. That brings out Del Rio. Oh geez not a #1 contender match between these two. Del Rio brings up the “If Punk gets disqualified he loses the title” thing from last week and shows the clip of the GTS to the exposed buckle last week.

That brings out Vickie with Ziggler. She says it should be Dolph that should get the title shot. I can’t really argue with that one. Dolph says he’ll be a dual champion and blah blah blah. Cena says Dolph is the Show Off now (because he heard Cole say it 25 times last week) but it should be Jerk Off. Ziggler says if the two of you want to have a #1 contender match for the US Title, go ahead. Cena says that the US Title shot belongs to Zack Ryder.

After Ziggler talks about how that’s a dead horse, here’s Miz because we don’t have enough people out there yet. We get some clips of Miz beating up Morrison and Truth, along with an announcement that Morrison has been released. Miz says that the Slammies are next week and he’ll be superstar of the year.

As he’s talking, here’s Johnny Ace who says he’s not boring. I had to rewind things because I dozed off there. Tonight there are going to be four matches, each pitting one of these guys against a Smackdown guy. The winners will ALL go to the WWE Title match at TLC. Oh wait not Cena because he’s in a special match called a “social experiment” which Ace will tell him about later. Miz’s match is right now against this man.

The Miz vs. Randy Orton

Basic start with neither guy really being able to take over. Orton tries to speed things up but Miz takes over with a Garvin Stomp and a running shot for two. Time for the chinlock and now we’re off to Twitterville. Orton makes his comeback and hits the powerslam. They head to the floor and Orton slams him again. Cue Barrett for the distraction at a count of eight and Orton goes after him. Miz wins via countout at 4:32.

Rating: D. Nothing match here which was only around to get Miz into the title match and have more development with Barrett vs. Orton. Once that match finally happens they have to have Barrett win to keep up his momentum. The match SUCKED though and was painfully boring overall. Nothing to see here.

Video on WWE Network. It’s coming in 2012.

Ryder wants to talk to Ryder about the petition and says it doesn’t matter. Cue Cena in Ryder gear who goes on a rant about the match that Ace has planned for him. He even makes a Back to the Future reference for some reason. The Social Experiment is a match with Ryder. Uh….ok? If Ryder wins, he gets a US Title match. If Cena wins, he’s in the title match at TLC.

Otunga says that it’s Nash vs. HHH in a ladder match. Why? Apparently there’s going to be a sledgehammer above the ring and whoever gets it first gets to use it. Nash is cool with that. Nash starts to leave and Otunga says Nash has a match. He doesn’t care who it is.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Daniel Bryan

Bryan is all taped up from the cage match on Tuesday. Del Rio works over the ribs to start (psychology as always), even draping him over the top rope. And then the cross armbreaker ends this at 1:48. That’s pretty much a squash, but at least Bryan was injured coming in.

Tribute to the Troops is next week.

Eve Torres/Kelly Kelly vs. Natalya/Beth Phoenix

If I didn’t write reviews for these shows, I’d be off to find a hot pretzel. We get a message from the heels but we get interrupted by a second coming video. He arrives on January 2, 2012. Ok then. And then announcers ignore it. Beth starts with Kelly and Kelly gets beaten down….and then Kelly hooks a small package for the pin at 1:10.

John Cena vs. Zack Ryder

This feels like a big match. Think about that for a second. Both guys are tentative to start. They fight over a long headlock and the fans are split as usual. Hip toss gets two for Cena. Notice something here: Cena is respecting Ryder and that’s the biggest rub Ryder can get. Ryder grabs a spinning neckbreaker for two. This is very slow.

A tornado DDT gets two for Ryder and he loads up the Rough Ryder. Cena ducks and initiates his finishing sequence. The AA is countered and Ryder puts him in the corner. Broski Boot looks to set up another Rough Ryder but Cena catches him in mid air and the AA is enough for the pin at 6:47.

Rating: C. The match was boring, but the important part is that they made Ryder look solid here. They needed to make sure that he saved face here and that’s what they did. Cena had to win here because Ryder would have been way over his head. Still though, dull match and i’m not sure why they did it.

Ryder is mad post match and Cena says hang on a second before running to the back.

Cena comes up to Ace and Otunag in the back. He shouts Otunga out and tells Ace to listen to the people and make Ryder #1 contender to Ziggler. Ace says no because Ryder blew it. Cena gets in his face and says be creative. Ace says Cena has to give up his title match at TLC. Cena isn’t sure of course but says he’s a ten time champion because he got opportunities along the way. Cena drops out and Ryder has to face….someone still. Ok then.

Kane is still coming again. That’s different than the Jan 2 thing. This video shows pictures of big named stars and Kane punching through a piece of glass. He puts the mask back on and opens his eye…then drops the mask which is on fire. It says his name this time. No date is given.

Otunga tells Robers to make this in essence a street fight.

Zack Ryder vs. Mark Henry

I think I smell interference. Henry has a bad ankle/leg here. Ryder gets beaten down like a chump to start which to be fair, he’s in over his head. Ryder gets him down for a second and rams the leg into the post. Cue Cena who hits the AA on Henry and throws Ryder on top for the pin at 2:20.

Vickie says she can’t get the decision reversed. Oh and Ziggler has to fight Sheamus later.

Kevin Nash vs. Santino Marella

Nash hits a side slam to start. Cole: “One, two, kick out by Santino…for some reason.” Powerbomb ends this at 1:03.

Post match Nash picks up the hammer but doesn’t hit Marella with it.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus

Feeling out process to start until Ziggler hits a GREAT dropkick for two. Sheamus is like “Irish story!” and hammers away with the forearms to the chest. Ziggler hooks a chinlock and a Fameasser gets two. Ziggler chokes again but Sheamus fights back, hitting a forearm in the corner. He loads up the High Cross but Ziggler escapes and Sheamus hits the post. Here’s Ryder for the distraction so that the Brogue Kick can keep Ziggler out of the world title match at 4:32.

Rating: C. Not bad here but it was nothing all that great. Still though, they didn’t really have a ton of time to work with out there. Ryder interfering was fine because it gives Ziggler a reason to want to beat him up at the PPV. This was more about a storyline than a match and that’s fine.

Rough Ryder to Ziggler post match.

Del Rio and Miz are in the ring and here’s Ace as well. He mentions Clay debuting but it hasn’t happened yet. Henry vs. Cena next week. Here’s Punk for the contract signing. Punk pulls the table back to him and says this is the biggest WWE staple cliché there is. They always end in a brawl (which he’d love to have trending on Twitter) and since there’s no such thing as creativity by Ace, he figured we’d have the first peaceful one of these since Mania III.

Punk tells Ace to play Jack Tunney so we can sign this and get to brawling. Ace makes it a TLC match at the PPV and Punk is cool with that. Punk runs both guys down and Miz says that he took Truth and Morrison out. Punk: “Like on a date? I bet it was to that new Twilight movie. NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!” Funnier in delivery. Ace looks right at the camera and wishes Morrison the best in his future endeavors.

Miz says he’s a must see start, Punk says he doesn’t care. He’s not about TMZ but about being the best wrestler in the world. Alberto jumps in and says they’re crying too much. He says his usual stuff and Punk cuts him off, saying if Del Rio talks about destiny again then he’ll start drinking. Del Rio says just sign it and Punk wants to know if they can fight after that. Punk signs and I must have missed the heels signing.

Ace wishes them all luck and asks a WWE.com photographer in for a photo op. Punk: “EVEN YOUR CONTRACT SIGNINGS ARE BORING!” With that he blasts Miz and the brawl finally gets going. Ricardo is loaded into the GTS so Del Rio hits Punk low. Del Rio stops to move furniture around but Miz runs in and tries the Finale on Del Rio. Punk breaks that up and hits the bulldog out of the corner to Del Rio through the table. A GTS to Miz and Punk stands tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. I liked the show tonight as it advanced the two title matches for the PPV. That really needed to happen and they got it done which is really all you can ask for from a show. The wrestling was kind of weak but they certainly pushed stuff tonight and the storylines are a bit more interesting now. Good stuff for the second week in a row from Raw. When’s the last time you heard that?

Results
The Miz b. Randy Orton via countout
Alberto Del Rio b. Daniel Bryan – Cross Armbreaker
Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres b. Natalya/Beth Phoenix
John Cena b. Zack Ryder – AA
Zack Ryder b. Mark Henry – Pin after an AA from John Cena
Kevin Nash b. Santino Marella – Jackknife Powerbomb
Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler – Brogue Kick

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Inside the Steel Cage
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Alfred Hayes, Johnny Valiant, Vince McMahon
Host: Gorilla Monsoon, Johnny Valentine

How many details can I give you here? It’s from the mid eighties and that’s about all I can give you. There was another version of this but this is the older one, which should make it a bit more interesting. Let’s get to it.

All matches are cage matches.

Andre the Giant vs. Big John Studd

This is joined in progress and Andre is just maybe a foot or two shorter than the top of the cage. I think this is from Toronto but I’m not sure. Andre bites away and opens up Studd. That cage is SHAKING. The lighting is rather bad here for the most part. This is before 1985 based on Andre’s hair. You can barely see them for a few seconds here but it picks up a bit.

Andre misses a diving headbutt and Studd heads for the door which gets him nowhere. This is a lot of laying around and choking on the mat with the occasional big clubbing forearm shot. Studd goes for the door again but can’t get through one more time. Monsoon kind of implies any part of getting out of the cage counts rather than just the feet. They’ve spent about four minutes now laying down near the door now.

Andre finally stands up and stares at Studd for a bit. Ah never mind he must have worn himself out so we’re going to lay down a bit more. The slug it out and Studd surprisingly wins. Studd has a chance to leave and like the stupid heel that he is he doesn’t go for it and charges again, running into a big boot. Andre gets a slam and then goes to the TOP ROPE and jumps off with a huge sit down splash onto Studd’s chest. FREAKING DOUBLE OW MAN! The exit from the cage is academic as Studd is for all intents and purposes, dead.

Rating: D+. Well the match was incredibly boring with them just kind of laying around for the most part but DANG that ending was awesome with Studd getting destroyed to end this. That was a mind blowing ending with Andre coming down HARD on Studd. This was the second biggest feud in the company at the time which resulted in Andre beating Studd in a slam match at Mania.

We get a clip of the same kind of ending with Andre vs. Kamala. Just like two minutes here so I can’t call it a match. Andre dominates and drops the same seated splash (seated senton like Rey but the guy is already down).

It’s another ending to a match but this one is a bit more famous. It’s Snuka vs. Muraco and the legendary cage dive ending. What’s not often remembered is that happened after the match ended. Snuka gets a flying headbutt and Muraco stumbled out onto the floor to retain. Apparently Dreamer, Bubba Ray Dudley and of course Mick Foley were all in attendance. That really is an amazing sight and was the biggest spot ever at the time.

Adrian Adonis/Randy Savage vs. Tito Santana/Bruno Sammartino

Wild brawl to start with Adonis vs. Santana and Bruno vs. Savage. Savage is the IC Champion at this point. You only win with both guys getting to the floor. They’re MOVING out there. Apparently the door is only going to be opened upon request. So it’s like a shave around the ears? Bruno, an old veteran of cage matches, stops Savage from trying to escape.

Even Adonis is running so you can tell they’re serious here. Bruno is beating the tar out of Savage here. I love the way he throws boots. This was actually a hot feud as Bruno came out of retirement to feud with Savage which in reality was a way to get his son some spots on TV. Tito makes a nice save to keep Savage in the door and Bruno crotches Adrian just because it’s fun. Gorilla says his wish just came true. I don’t want to know what that means. Tito is busted and it’s not bad.

It’s kind of odd to see someone use a kick as their main offense when you’re so used to seeing punches being the main thing. Savage goes for a double axe from the top but runs into the fist of Santana and the heels are in trouble. Savage is bleeding BAD. He manages to stop Santana though.

Adonis goes up and dives off the top, hitting Sammartino with a knee drop. Unfortunately that’s because he botched it for the most part and kind of fell off the top of the cage onto Bruno. Savage gets a leg over the top but runs into the taco salesman from Tijuana. The heels are slammed together allowing Bruno to get out the door and Santana over the top to end this.

Rating: A-. Sweet goodness this was a war. They beat the living crap out of each other and none of the four ever stopped at all. Bruno could bring on the violence when he wanted to and apparently he wanted to do so here. This was a very good match with all four guys working very hard and never stopping once in about ten minutes. I liked it.

Another quick three minute version of a match I already reviewed in full which is Tito vs. Valentine with Tito getting the title back. Check the WWF Grudge Matches review for the full thing if you’re interested. I’m not reviewing a three minute part of a match I already did in full. Tito wins what was a good match.

WWF Title: Bruno Sammartino vs. George Steele

This is from some time in the 60s but Gorilla doesn’t know when. Back then Steele was a top heel so this would have been a big time fight. The cage is weird looking as it’s more or less wire walls rather than a traditional cage. Steele has riot gear police officers bring him out. This is still escape rules. Naturally the commentary is from the 80s rather than back in the day as there likely wasn’t commentary done for this originally.

This is clipped to an extent. Bruno hammers him as this is probably the culmination of what was a major feud. Steele looks identical to what he would for the rest of his career. Steele actually gets a low blow before eating a turnbuckle. He rubs the stuffing into Bruno’s eyes which blinds him but George won’t just leave. This is in Philadelphia apparently. Apparently Styrofoam stuffing is blinding.

Bruno gets rocked by Steele for a good while as the camera and lighting is really different here but of course at the time no one knew what to do from a production standpoint as this was a very new idea back then. Bruno Hulks Up as Steele pounds away and then runs as Bruno can’t be hurt. Sammartino destroys him by ramming him into the cage a bunch and then climbs out.

Rating: C-. Nothing great here but seeing something from this far back in time is always cool. Steele didn’t change a bit in about twenty years and was still completely awesome the whole time. This was a pretty ok match but the clipping didn’t help. Bruno was completely awesome in cages and this worked ok but at six minutes shown, how into a cage match can you get?

Bruno Sammartino vs. Roddy Piper

Not a title match here as this is from the mid 80s. We’re in Boston here. Gorilla and Jesse talk about the experience you get in cage matches. Jesse wonders what you can actually learn in there which makes sense. Piper wears a Bears shirt which is around the time that the Bears beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl. He also hangs posters in the cage which is a nice touch.

Bruno comes out and goes straight for Piper, sending him into the cage. Piper is bleeding maybe a minute in. Bruno shoves the poster in Piper’s face as this is a big beatdown. This was another big feud as Piper had totally not respected Sammartino as most young heels didn’t so Vince set this up before cutting almost all ties with Bruno. Granted that was mutual so that’s not a fair criticism.

Piper gets a low blow to save the match and barely has his shirt off yet. Sammartino has to make a big save to keep Piper out as he might be busted open too. Piper seems more like he’s just trying to escape while Bruno wants punishment. And there’s Roddy’s trunks going down. Ok then. Bruno kicks away and they slug it out. Jesse has kind of stopped talking here.

Roddy goes up and Bruno pounds on his supple Scottish balls. That’s not quite enough for Bruno to get out but Bruno grabs a wooden chair as he’s trying to leave and blasts Piper in the head with it to win. Jesse says that was cheating but it’s a cage match so whatever I suppose.

Rating: B-. Not bad here and a bit longer than the previous one. Bruno was fun to watch and the fans always reacted to him. This was a veteran giving the young loudmouth a beating and that’s something that is always going to work. Nothing great but a fun match either way.

WWF Title: Bob Backlund vs. Pat Patterson

This is from September of 79 apparently. Patterson is the IC Champion here and is a cage match expert but Backlund has never been in one. Patterson was more or less the top heel in the company by default here. They start off fast as Backlund is all fired up here. Patterson tries to get out early and that goes nowhere.

Both guys get incredibly close but can’t get all the way out. Patterson almost gets out with Backlund literally dragging him back over the top by a single leg. They keep fighting to try to get out as this is definitely more about winning than violence which is fine. We clip the match to them being on the mat and Patterson hammers away on a cut on Backlund’s head. From what I can find only about three minutes out of 16 total were clipped so we get the vast majority here.

Patterson is busted too. Vince calls the WWF Champion a gallant lad. That’s sweet. Patterson goes into the cage and Backlund goes for the kill. He winds up going into the cage though so forget about that I guess. Backlund gets the atomic drop which was one of his signature moves at the time. I guess Lombardi will have to be gentle tonight.

Patterson finds some brass knuckles and they go up. Pat can’t get a shot with them and both guys go down. And then Backlund kicks Patterson in the head and the force of the kick launches Backlund backwards through the cage door and out to the floor. Patterson FREAKS in the ring after that even though he did nothing but lose cleanly. I guess that’s why he’s a heel.

Rating: B. Very solid match here with both guys beating the heck out of each other. Backlund was at this best at the end of a feud where he had to go off to beat someone and that’s what he did here. This was either their fourth or fifth match against each other and Patterson had beaten him before. This was fun stuff though and it worked very well.

The final match is the main event of Mania II so it’s copy and paste time again. It was joined in progress but not by much, maybe a minute or so.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy

This is a cage match and the only one in Mania history if you don’t count the Cell match at Mania 15 which most people don’t. The story behind this is Bundy jumped Hogan at a SNME and hurt his ribs, which hadn’t healed yet. Hogan wrestled against doctor’s orders with tape all over his ribs. Simple but effective but kind of too simple as this was more or less thrown together about a month ago.

This is a very not surprising match with Bundy going for the ribs and Hogan having to fight through the pain. It’s solid because it’s Hogan doing what he does best but the total and complete lack of drama or anyone really caring for the most part is hurting it. Also having Jesse as lead announcer is a very odd choice.

Bundy rips the tape off of Hogan’s ribs like a good heel and Hogan messes up as always by trying to pick Bundy up and of course he can’t do it. There’s nothing special going on here at all but it’s working for the most part. Ah there’s the Hulk Up. Very surprisingly we get a power slam here and not the traditional slam. Maybe his ribs really were hurt. He ties up Bundy and goes over the top to retain and end the show.

Rating: B-. It’s Hogan against a monster heel not named Andre. What are you expecting here? This was his bread and butter and the fans popped for the end (only) so I guess you can call this a success. I’m a sucker for Hogan matches in the 80s so I’d say there’s probably some bias in the rating but who cares? Fairly solid match but nothing unique about it at all other than the cage aspect.

Overall Rating: B-. The wrestling and action here are mostly great but at the same time the cage matches non stop get rather monotonous after awhile. They’re good matches but at the same time you kind of want something else after the first few of them. It’s good stuff to be sure but you might now want to watch it all in one sitting. Worth checking out though.

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The Bash 2009
Date: June 28, 2009
Location: ARCO Arena, Sacramento, California
Attendance: 11,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Todd Grisham, Jim Ross, Matt Striker, Josh Matthews

Not a lot to say on this one. The main event is HHH vs. Randy Orton in a 3 Stages of Hell match for the title. This got a lot of ranting because it was more of the same two guys for like the 5th PPV in a row. We also have Punk vs. Hardy for the title and something I’m most interested in as Cena fights Miz. Miz had come to Raw in the draft and started imitating Cena in some hilarious stuff. Cena ignored him but is finally accepting the challenge here tonight. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about the main matches including Jericho vs. Mysterio in a mask vs. title match which I forgot to mention. Of course the most is about HHH vs. Orton but that’s expected I guess.

ECW Title: Christian vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Jack Swagger vs. Mark Henry vs. Finlay

This is a Scramble match which is more or less a gauntlet. Every three minutes someone else comes in and whoever gets the final pin is champion but you have to pin the champion for the pin to count. Uh…sure. Christian and Swagger start us off. Wow it’s weird to see Swagger as champion before Christian. I miss the pushups.

Ok so if Swagger pins Christian he’s IT more or less? I guess that makes sense. I’m assuming that there will be a clock once everyone comes in. Striker implies a heel turn for Christian but nothing ever came for that. The clock begins far before three minutes is up and it’s Finlay. Striker talks about Irishmen from centuries ago as no one cares at all. Swagger pokes Finlay in the eye and rolls him up to become IT.

Christian and Swagger do a nice little sequence that gets two for the Canadian. He beats Christian down as Dreamer is number four. Dreamer beats up everyone with incredibly basic stuff but throws out a Sky High. Ok apparently it’s not Swagger that has to lose the title as it’s just the last pin. Uh…that kind of makes sense I suppose.

They blow a spot where Christian is on the mat and Dreamer gets thrown onto him. It just looked really awkward. Finlay finally comes back to life and hits the Celtic Cross on Swagger to become IT. Finlay and Dreamer don’t work well together to put it mildly. And here’s Henry to suck the life out of the match. Ok so now we have five minutes left and whoever gets the last fall is champion. Got it.

Dreamer takes the World’s Worst Finisher with 4:15 to make Henry IT. Everyone not named Dreamer beats Henry up and the people start booing for some reason. Finlay hits a freaking suicide dive onto Swagger. Have to love old men flying all over the place. Henry teases a top rope dive but for the sake of the gravitational pull, Swagger saves him and gets the pin to become it with about 2:20 to go.

I like knowing how much longer to go at times and this is one of them. Christian hits the Killswitch on Swagger but Dreamer DDTs him at 1:20 to become IT. It becomes a big mess now which makes sense at least. On instinct Dreamer goes for a cover which they don’t point out the stupidity of. Everyone goes for covers but the clock runs out and Dreamer retains. He screams “I WON???” in a funny moment.

Rating: C+. These matches are hard to call but I liked it. Thankfully they haven’t killed them by having them every two weeks or something like that. This still feels fresh though and it comes off as a good way to be different. Also it makes Dreamer look like a competent champion and not a jobber which I can’t complain about. This worked but was still a little bit weird.

Cena/Vince razor commercial. Be careful: cutting hair off your face could be un-PG.

Edge comes to see Teddy Long and complains about not being on the card. Somehow this takes like two minutes.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio

And if Rey loses he has to unmask forever….again. Does anyone else think some of Rey’s masks look like Klansmen hoods? This feud more or less brought the title back to life as it was the wrestler’s title again instead of just a stupid prop for guys like Santino. We’re told Rey has never wrestled a match without his mask and then are told he had to earn it after he started wrestling. I love continuity issues in WWE.

Jericho goes straight for the mask which is a very nice touch as instead of just trying to beat him he’s being pure evil and trying to humiliate and end Rey. I love that. Jericho does that slingshot into the bottom rope which is a nice move. All Jericho so far. He hooks a crossface chickenwing of all things which is a nice throwback.

You can tell these two have a lot of chemistry as they’re flowing very well. It’s odd hearing Ross clearly getting ticked off so easily as it’s clear he’s not liking having to more or less mentor Grisham when he thinks he should be the top guy. Jericho shouts at the referee to ASK HIM. Nicely done. Aww that’s so cute: they still think Rey won the Rumble and the world title. It never ceases to amaze me how they can’t tell him apart from Eddie. They look nothing alike.

Rey hits a seated senton to the floor but might have hurt his knee. He’s finally on offense though as he’d been dominated for about 6 minutes or so. Jericho catches a springboard into a powerslam. It’s always cool when wrestlers use something different than their usual stuff. You’re allowed to mix it up at times and it makes things better when you do so. Allegedly Rey has always been the smaller guy in every match he’s ever had. That’s not surprisingly actually.

Jericho gets the Walls, more or less guaranteeing a lack of a submission. When’s the last time he won a match with that? And shockingly enough Rey gets to the ropes. That move has less heat than Vickie’s vagina. 619 misses and Jericho takes his head off with a clothesline. He then blocks a rana into a powerbomb.

Rey has gotten blocked every single time here and it’s been great. Lionsault misses and I mean actually misses instead of him landing on his feet. Codebreaker gets two as the crowd is WAY into this and for good reason. Jericho and Rey go up top and Jericho just kind of falls backwards. Uh, ok? 619 hits but the West Coast Pop is countered into the Walls again. And of course they don’t work as we get a pinfall reversal sequence.

In a GREAT ending that throws back to the Extreme Rules match, Jericho rips the mask off again but Rey has ANOTHER mask on underneath so while Jericho is expecting him to stop dead he keeps going to hit the 619 and springboard splash for the IC Title. THAT is what I mean when I say great storytelling and psychology.

Rating: A+. This was a VERY well booked match that I’d bet a large sum of money on Jericho and Rey planning the majority of. The ending there was downright inspired and showed Rey outsmarting Jericho and capitalizing on it. The match being awesome helped a lot too as these two just can go out there and nail it every time with this being no exception. Screw it this is an A+.

We recap Trump buying Raw and having the commercial free Raw and tricking Vince into paying into giving him back his original money back doubled. That’s a great deal. This also started the guest host concept.

HHH is getting ready.

Jericho wants his rematch RIGHT NOW. Long says in a month it’ll be five years as GM. That’s insane when you think about how many GMs Raw has had and how Bischoff is the longest reigning one.

We recap Dolph Ziggler vs. Great Khali, which more or less is Ziggler trying to get noticed and continuously hurting Khali with a chair or winning by countout or something like that.

Great Khali vs. Dolph Ziggler

This is a street fight for all intents and purposes. I love Runjin Singh. His sideburns have powers I think. Ziggler’s music is perfect. Actually make that perfection. Also he’s apparently moved from Hollywood, Florida to Hollywood, California. His look is great until his hair gets all puffy and then he looks like Curt Hennig which is a compliment.

Of course Ziggler gets beaten down early, including taking the chop that pinned Cena back in 07 or so but since Khali is a jobber to the stars now it’s just a regular move. Khali is just scary huge. I’ve seen him live and he’s absolutely massive. And then he chops the post to get himself in trouble. Dolph grabs a chair which is fine here and he wisely goes for the knee. At least he’s thinking.

We get the bowling shoe analogy about Khali and I roll my eyes. He’s 7’4 and 450lbs. What the heck are you expecting him to do? And here comes Kane for no adequately explained reason. Ziggler beats the heck out of Khali’s knee as Kane is coming and then Kane goes semi-Austin at Mania 17 on Khali. And then Ziggler gets the pin. This went nowhere.

Rating: D+. It’s your standard David vs. Goliath here and that’s all it was supposed to be. The key thing here is that Ziggler has a huge win by pinfall that in this match is perfectly legal. He’s never really gotten a big push, but he started feuding with Rey just after this so that’s something I guess.

Vince comes in to talk to Teddy and says he’s done nothing as GM. Apparently even Adamle was a better GM. The thing about Long is that he’s the only GM other than maybe Bischoff that seems like an actual bureaucrat which is what a GM is supposed to be. He’s an authority figure, not a fighter. I like him but that’s just me.

12 Rounds is coming to DVD.

Unified Tag Titles: Colons vs. Legacy

There’s something VERY sexy about the way Lillian says Carlito. The Colons are faces here and we’re on Legacy’s 9th theme song this month I believe, although they would wind up keeping this one permanently I believe. And here’s Teddy Long. He makes it a triple threat match, adding in the new team of Chris Jericho and Edge.

Unified Tag Titles: Edge/Chris Jericho vs. Colons vs. Legacy

The original two teams won’t let Jericho and Edge in to start which is a nice bit of thinking. Carlito and Ted start and Carlito does a gorgeous moonsault off the top. The team that speaks Spanish has the belts here. They’re trying to keep Edge and Jericho out of the ring, I’m assuming betting they’ll win if they get in, which is kind of odd for faces to be all scared like that. I think the fans are chanting for Christian of all people.

This is similar to the Horsemen/Dungeon of Doom match from Bash at the Beach 96 where Benoit and Anderson knew the Giant would destroy them if he came in so they wouldn’t let him in. It made sense and this does as well. Primo gets a nice rollup on Rhodes for two. It’s so strange hearing Orton talked about as being so hated a mere year ago and 9 months before he was the hottest thing in the world. Cody hooks an inverted Gory Special that looks awesome.

The fans love Edge here which is rather odd indeed. Jericho takes Primo out with a Codebreaker and we have Edge vs. fired guy. Carlito misses it though and Rhodes gets a backstabber. A spear gives the Canadians the belts after being in the match all of 20 seconds combined. As I type that, Lawler says it. At least I wasn’t imagining it.

Rating: B. While the wrestling wasn’t anything spectacular, the thought process here was perfect. They planned this one out very well and it made perfect sense which is a great thing in my eyes. They knew they couldn’t stop Edge or Jericho so they kept them out as long as they could. That’s smart booking and it worked just fine.

Ad for Night of Champions, which we’ve already done.

Orton yells at Legacy for losing the title match but says the important thing is keeping the WWE Title. DiBiase gets on Orton for not caring about them.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Melina vs. Michelle McCool

Melina was just freaking stunning at this point once she dyed her hair black. Michelle was getting there too and she has Alicia with her here for reasons that I’m sure don’t mean anything. For some reason I like Michelle’s music. Melina comes out hot. And she’s being intense too. Michelle can actually work pretty well.

She hooks a hold where Melina’s foot is touching Melina’s head from behind. DANG that girl is flexible. Ok five minutes have passed but I’m back now. Melina’s knee is hurt of course as it always is. Michelle kicks her head off for two. That sounded very painful indeed. Styles Clash gives Michelle the title.

Rating: C-. It did its job. This was just supposed to be an appetizer to the remainder of the show and that’s what it did. And I think that’s enough padding to say that the girls looked great here and that was the whole point to this.

Do not try this at home. Try it at the Supermarket.

We recap Punk vs. Hardy, which I did like 3 days ago so go find the Extreme Rules review so I don’t have to type it again. Punk used MITB to steal the belt. There you go you freaking SLACKERS. Punk’s reasoning really was great: I did this before and you cheered. Now you boo. I love that.

Smackdown World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk

Jeff is paintless. Well sweet goodness. Punk starts by doing one of the worst spot calls I’ve ever seen. He has a headlock on and leans over to Hardy’s head and can be heard whispering. Wow. Well at least you couldn’t hear him, unlike at the 99 Rumble where HHH was heard shouting IF I THROW YOU OVER CAN YOU HOLD ON?

Jeff has to start his own chant. That’s rather funny but it dies before I laugh. Oh great: poker analogies. That’s exactly what I want to hear. GTS is reversed as you would expect it to. Punk is dominating here and puts on a figure four headlock. That’s not one you see every day. Or night which is the time most wrestling shows occur. The Whisper in the Wind is freaking pretty. It truly is.

This turns into a striking match which of course Punk dominates but the “Twist of Fate” ends that. Swanton misses though as Punk sits up. Why he doesn’t just lay on him is anyone’s guess. I’ve never liked that hitch in this guy’s count. It’s very annoying. Jeff sets for the Swanton, which is clear because he shouts SWANTON, and it gets the pin. Shame Punk’s foot was under the rope so they have to wave it off.

Punk goes for GTS and Hardy elbows out of it, but Punk takes one in the eye. And the referee checks it, so Punk kicks the referee to get the DQ. Hardy’s look is great as he just looks completely crushed and looks as if he’s thinking are you freaking kidding me? Or maybe he’s wondering where his crack pipe is. It’s hard to tell with him. Post match Hardy yells at Punk that he did it on purpose and here they go again.

Rating: B. Good match here but it was all to set up the angle at the end which began his heel turn which made him into what he is today. This was a good match though as these two had solid chemistry together and they made things work well for the ending. I liked it, but then again I’m a huge Punk fan.

The Colons are ticked at Teddy over the title thing, which of course makes sense. This is pointless.

Orton is on the phone and is trying to get hold of Cody.

We get clips of Rev Theory doing a concert for the fans today. That’s kind of cool.

We recap Miz vs. Cena, which was a great setup for a feud with Miz constantly claiming he was winning matches when Cena didn’t show up to answer his challenges. The key thing here was Miz never once came off as cowardly here. He called out the top dog and never once looked back. That’s all you can ask for and people actually wanted to see this match. I certainly did.

The Miz vs. John Cena

This is Miz’s first major singles feud as he and Morrison had just recently split so he really did start at the top. The fans are rather split here which is a nice sign. Cena is just doing very basic stuff here and it’s working quite well. Cena goes for a backdrop and gets kicked in the face. He snaps up and shakes his head. Sure why not.

Miz works on the neck which is still hurt from Batista apparently. Miz gets some control in actually which is the best thing he can do. And the Cena fights back and the usual stuff ends it. It was short and not terribly painful.

Rating: D. That’s just for the wrestling mind you as it was more or less a Raw match and nothing more. Now when this first happened, I hated it. However since then I’ve cooled down on it a good bit. This wasn’t what I wanted, but it was fine. Remember that this was Miz’s coming out party so he needed to look good. This wasn’t as bad as it came off as back then, but that could be because Miz has done very well since then. Bad match, but Miz came off pretty well as far as credible goes.

We recap HHH vs. Orton. They hate each other and it’s about the McMahons. Yeah that’s all there is to it more or less. It was such a boring feud as no one cared for the most part as they were looking for these epic matches but they never came off as such. That and three Last Man Standing matches are about as much overkill as you could possibly have. Ok we’re at three minutes for this stupid video package now. WE GET IT! We also get Vince announcing the match for the fourth time.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. HHH

Orton is champion. First fall is regular, second is falls count anywhere, third is a stretcher match which is stupid but whatever. Cole thinks this is more or less a 2/3 falls match. WHAT ANALYSIS! They tried forever to get this feud to work and it just never really worked. They of course start all physical and such because they HATE EACH OTHER. Yeah even I can’t take this match seriously at all.

Stephanie is going to be out of a job soon with how hard the announcers are sucking HHH”s balls. The first fall here really does mean nothing because it’s not going to end the match. That’s the problem with 2/3 falls matches in general: rarely do they not go three falls so you don’t have to pay attention to the opening part. It’s the same thing with an iron man match. And HHH cracks Orton in the head with a chair for the DQ then hammers him with it like Austin on Rock.

Pay no attention to the fact that it’s falls count anywhere and not a street fight so that should be another DQ but the timing doesn’t fit that. Cole is JUST figuring out HHH’s strategy which is about as obvious as birds like to fly. A Pedigree on the floor ties us up as HHH gets praised for brilliance. Dude Scott Steiner did that before. How smart can it be?

So now it’s a stretcher match for the title. Just end it now as you can smell Legacy from here. So since this is about a stretcher we’re fighting in the crowd since it’s barely 10:30 and we’re in the final fall. They break apart the barrier and just keep fighting at ringside. They’ve been doing this for almost 5 minutes now but there’s no drama obviously and no one seems to care.

Hey let’s go in the ring now to kill some more time. They use the steps a lot and nothing of note is happening at all. Why is it not of note? Because they haven’t been trying for the stretcher. They finally do something and of course it doesn’t work. I’m just wanting this to end at this point. Orton does the elevated DDT off the stretcher to the floor. That would look good if I cared about this match. The punt misses and apparently Orton kicked the stretcher.

HHH gets the advantage on top of the stage and has him inches away and here’s Cody. HHH beats him up. Here’s DiBiase who he was mad at earlier, beating HHH up for no apparent reason and throwing away the earlier thing. Shawn is on hiatus here so HHH is all alone. He had a sledgehammer hidden….somewhere on the stage and blasts Legacy with it.

Orton just takes part of the stage and blasts HHH with it for the win. AWFUL main event. Orton poses, HHH hits him with the sledgehammer, guaranteeing us ANOTHER PPV match from these two.

Rating: F+. So the stretcher match part was just them beating each other up for about 15 minutes so that Legacy could run in. Again, these two just cannot have a good match. Period. They simply can’t do it, and yet they kept being shoved down our throats time after time and the people were SICK of it. This was just awful as the stretcher thing was idiotic. This isn’t Memphis. A feud doesn’t need to go on this long.

Overall Rating: C+. That grade took awhile to arrive at. The problem is that the main event and the last nearly 30 minutes just suck the freaking life out of this thing. HHH vs. Orton was one of the worst feuds you could ever imagine as it was just so painfully boring.

The matches weren’t always awful, but they were just not interesting in the slightest. Other than that though, the show is rather good. Rey vs. Jericho is must see and there are other good matches throughout. Check this show out, but don’t watch the main event. It will haunt you.

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NXT
Date: November 30, 2011
Location: Time Warner Cable Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Matt Striker

Time for another week of this. We’re almost in December of a show that started in early March. We’re also approaching the wedding of Maxine and Bateman, which I think is scheduled for late January. This show really is going to last an entire year isn’t it? I was kidding when I suggested that at first. I guess we’re supposed to ignore that all three guys have appeared on Smackdown in the past few weeks right? Let’s get to it.

The song saying that they have just begun scares me.

No Regal this week???

The main event is a triple threat with the rookies and the winner gets a match on Smackdown.

Tyler Reks vs. Percy Watson

Watson has an annoying spoken part before his song now. I’m sorry but he really isn’t on the level that he deserves that yet. Hawkins sits in on commentary. Fast paced start with Watson flying around the place but he walks into a Downward Spiral into the middle buckle for two. Striker says that the money here is way better in the NFL. If my math is right, the minimum salary in the NFL is about a quarter million dollars a year. Methinks Matt is lying.

Watson starts his comeback and hammers away. The fans actually seem to care for him here as a cross body gets two. Hawkins gets up and plays ugly cheerleader, allowing Reks to get in a shot to break the momentum again. Reks goes up for what appears to be a double axe off the top but jumps into a dropkick for the pin at 3:20.

Rating: C-. Just a match here for the most part. It wasn’t bad or anything but it’s kind of hard to get interested in a match like this where there’s no reason at all to see them fight. They’re not fighting for anything but pride so it doesn’t really add up to anything. Watson is fun to watch when he jumps though.

Curtis is hitting on Kaitlyn when Maxine comes up. He has good taste. Kaitlyn is invited back to his bus which Maxine says doesn’t exist. Kaitlyn leaves and Maxine yells because that’s insulting to her to go from Maxine to someone like Kaitlyn. Maxine talks to Curtis and they’re about to kiss but he kisses his fingers and puts them to her lips. She isn’t happy. He leaves and Bateman comes up so she kisses him hard…..with his mother next to him. Bateman leaves and Mama Bateman threatens her with violence if she hurts Bateman.

Yoshi Tatsu/Trent Barretta vs. Tyson Kidd/Johnny Curtis

We get a High Fliers reference from Striker, who swears some people know who he’s talking about. Tatsu vs. Curtis gets us going and there isn’t much going on so they both tag out. Trent winds up in the corner as the announcers aren’t all that interested in the match. Kidd gets two off a kick to the head and hooks in a chinlock. They go up to the corner and Trent mostly misses what we would kind of call a Whisper in the Wind. That sets up the hot tag to Tatsu who beats up ever heel in sight. He tries to fire up the crowd and it doesn’t work at all. The top rope spinwheel kick misses and Curtis hits a sitout brainbuster for the pin at 4:30.

Rating: D. Just dull again here as Curtis is as uninteresting of a guy as I’ve seen in years. A sitout brainbuster isn’t an interesting move at all and that fits perfectly. At least with the diving legdrop it looked ok. Nothing to see here and for the life of me I don’t get why he keeps a job, especially with some of the other people they could put on this show.

We get the entire Piper’s Pit from Monday. It still doesn’t quite work as the fans didn’t boo Cena. It eats up about 10 minutes though which is ten minutes of NXT stuff I don’t have to watch.

Maxine vs. Alicia Fox

Matthews asks Striker to compare the offensive styles here….and somehow he does it. For the life of me I don’t get why the Divas are on TV all the time. Alicia uses a lot of moves involving her flexibility which get her nowhere. Bateman and Mama Bateman come out to watch. Maxine sees them and panics a bit, allowing Alicia to hit the Axe Kick for the win at 2:24.

Derrick Bateman vs. Titus O’Neil vs. Darren Young

Young waits on the floor as Titus beats Bateman up. He slides in and chops away (WOO) so Titus pounds him down also. Young continues his Flair impersonation and is slammed off the top for two. After a break for a bad Cena movie, the heels are double teaming Titus. As is custom, they get in a fight of their own, allowing Titus to fight back. Young hits a clothesline for two on O’Neil.

The heels fight a bit more and I’m trying to care. I mean I really am trying, but it’s just not going to happen at all. Bateman goes up and gets crotched and it’s a TOWER OF DOOM!!! They actually call it that and it’s a wicked one too. Titus can’t get the pin on Young so he grabs the rope like Batista and yells a lot. Young and O’Neil fight to the apron and Young takes him down with a neckbreaker. Bateman grabs O’Neil as he comes back in for the pin at 8:49.

Rating: C-. Pretty dull stuff here and my goodness why would it be Bateman? I mean, it couldn’t be clearer that O’Neil is the class of this group but instead their answer is try to make it seem like a competition. I don’t know who thinks this is interesting to watch, but it’s really not working at all. Boring match to end a boring show.

Post match Bateman wants Maxine to come out but he gets JTG and Tamina instead. They say she left with Curtis. Oh joy.

Overall Rating: D. It was an hour long and it was the Derrick Bateman Show tonight. I have no idea why they’re choosing to push him but that’s all they seem to think is the right idea. Titus is a guy that could be an interesting character on one of the big shows but it just isn’t happening here. Bad show.

Results
Percy Watson b. Tyler Reks – Dropkick
Tyson Kidd/Johnny Curtis b. Yoshi Tatsu/Trent Barretta – Sitout Brainbuster to Tatsu
Alicia Fox b. Maxine – Axe Kick
Derrick Bateman b. Titus O’Neil and Darren Young – Pinned O’Neil after a neckbreaker from Young

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