December to Dismember
Date: December 3, 2006
Location: James Brown Arena, Augusta, Georgia
Attendance: 4,800
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

So this is more or less considered the standard for worst WWE PPV of all time. There are quite a few reasons for that and I’d say it’s likely true. Number one is Vince McMahon. Heyman was told to run this show and he put together a run sheet and the endings to matches etc.

Since Big Show had made it clear that he was leaving the company as soon as his contract was up two days after the show, the title change was clearly coming. Heyman’s original idea was Punk and Show start the Chamber match and Punk gets Show to tap out inside of four minutes. Punk liked it, Heyman liked it, Show LOVED it, the writers liked it, Vince hated it.

Vince insisted on Lashley getting the belt and a massive celebration ending the show. Heyman said allegedly three or four times that this was going to bomb. It did indeed bomb and guess what happened. Yep, Vince blamed Heyman for the whole thing and Paul quit/was thrown out. The second issue here is that we had seen Survivor Series SEVEN DAYS EARLIER.

Yeah, this is our second PPV in two weeks, so of course the buyrate was through the floor. That was of course Heyman’s fault too. Finally, this was called an ECW show. The problem was it was more or less a really long episode of the TV show with a bit main event. This wasn’t like the TV show now either. This was back when the show was awful and more or less held together with tape and gum every week. Let’s get this over with.

Of course the opening video is all about the Chamber. Oh, it’s an EXTREME Elimination Chamber as the four in pods will all have weapons. Give me a break.

Joey says this show might be infamous. That’s just amusing. He follows this by freaking up and saying there will be a new champion tonight. Thanks for the spoiler Joey.

MNM vs. Hardys

This was an open challenge that was accepted by MNM. Who cares that neither was on ECW at the time? This was one of two matches announced for the show. What does that tell you? MNM beat up the Hardys on Tuesday and that’s all there is to it. Jeff is IC Champion here by the way. Matt and Mercury start us off.

The Hardys are dominating and throw in a spin cycle which is always a cool move. It’s like a double suplex but they spin the other guy around. It’s hard to explain. And now we get the weird part of this: ECW chants by fans that actually think this is a real ECW show. They start a she’s a crack w**** chant at Melina and no one knows how to react to it.

Matt hits splash mountain on Nitro (Morrison) for two. Apparently Melina has herpes. This show really was doomed from the start on this. I didn’t know Scott Armstrong was refereeing this far back. Tazz isn’t helping things either with his idiotic commentary. To be fair though, he could be far more annoying, like that scream from Melina.

Tazz throws in that Cole doesn’t like women. If true, I’m not entirely surprised. In a funny bit, MNM go for the Twist of Fate and Swanton but Matt fights off and gets the hot tag to Jeff. Matt hits a Pescado on Mercury which is more or less caught and reversed to set up the big pile of aerial moves which never gets old.

Jeff misses the Swanton as Mercury pulls Nitro out. This has been pretty good so far. Tazz gets off on the screaming I think. Morrison looks weird with blonde hair. It’s MNM in control now as they beat up Jeff. Yeah Tazz is driving me crazy. Melina is a crack w**** again apparently. It amazes me that she was more or less just the sexy valet at this point and became a great worker (by comparison) in just a few years.

They’re being given a lot of time if nothing else as we’re about 15 minutes into this and there seems to be a good amount of time to go in it. Is Tazz supposed to be Jerry Lawler or something? If he is he’s somehow more annoying than Jerry if that’s possible. Jeff gets a Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere to set up the tag to Matt.

In a cool spot, Jeff is tagged back in and goes up. Matt tries to set Mercury up for a powerbomb by handing him to Jeff but Nitro makes the save and then shoves Mercury up to Jeff so he can hit a hurricanrana. That was freaking cool. Nitro accidentally dropkicks Melina and Jeff rolls him up for a LONG two.

Jeff takes the Snapshot but Matt makes the save. This is awesome stuff now. MNM sets for a top rope Snapshot but Matt saves with a double cutter to let Jeff hit a Swanton onto both of them for the pin. By the way, the Snapshot is Nitro holding up the other guy and Mercury hitting an elevated DDT.

Rating: B+. This was very good stuff as they were given a lot of time and it worked very well. This was a way to let MNM look good, even though at the end of the day they weren’t even the best tag team that Morrison was even a part of. Either way this was good stuff and it worked very well. Definitely good, but the show would go all downhill from here.

Van Dam says he’ll win the title tonight.

Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney

See what I mean about them not advertising anything? I think you can see why based on this one alone. They had been feuding back in the day and no one cared so let’s have people pay to see the “blowoff” to it. They kept saying that Striker was a former teacher that had to resign but it was never explained why: he got in trouble for going to wrestle at night.

The match tonight is under Striker’s Rules, meaning very strict. There is no eye gouging, no hair pulling, no top rope moves, and no foul language. I didn’t know that Bill Watts booked ECW. Balls comes out to a bad cover of Big Balls. They make jokes about Striker having a picture of himself on his tights.

If there has ever been a match that belonged on TV, this is it. It’s ok, but it’s certainly not worth paying anything for. After even more boring stuff, this time mainly arm work from Balls, he hits the Nutcracker Sweet, of course not called that here, to get the win.

Rating: D. Not only was it boring, but this was something people had to pay to see without it being mentioned or advertised. Other than the opener and the main event, that’s the case all around tonight actually. You’re starting to get the idea why this show is considered awful.

Punk is getting ready.

Sabu is hurt and Hardcore Holly is replacing him in the main event. The fans, knowing what’s going on, loudly chant bull at this.

Sylvester Terkay/Elijah Burke vs. F.B.I.

This FBI is Guido and Tony Mamaluke. Burke is the Pope from TNA, and yet, he’s still overrated and more or less worthless. “But KB, he can talk so well!” Well that would bet true if it wasn’t nonsenes. He’s talking now and he’s annoying me already. Now in TNA he’s a modern day Slick and just as annoying.

The only good thing about the FBI is they have Trinity and she looks very good. Yep, that’s all I’m going to care about here. Terkay is more or less an MMA guy that wrestled. Apparently Tazz needs a cold shower. Can we please get to the end of this show PLEASE? We have a very weak where’s my pizza chant as I feel so sorry for the live fans.

This was a massive slap in the face of all of ECW and its fans, but hey, Vince gets to feel like he killed the place and his delusions of grandeur are fulfilled for one more day right? All is right with the world now. More or less this is a way for Terkay to beat people up. It’s more or less a squash.

Actually screw that: it is a squash. Naturally the ECW guys get their heads handed to them on an ECW show so that the WWE guys can look great. Oh and after the match, Terkay uses a Muscle Buster to get a big TNA chant going. Ok so not big but whatever. Just move on please.

Rating: D-. Screw you Vince. This was just freaking dumb. I get that you hate ECW but if you’re going to rip off the audience like this, screw you.

Sabu is put in an ambulance.

We get an ad for Raw, on an ECW show. This is freaking garbage.

Daivari vs. Tommy Dreamer

Daivari is more commonly known as Sheik Abdul Bashir recently and here he’s known as the manager of the Great Khali. I wonder what’s going to happen here. Dreamer jobbing would be ok I guess. Those poor fans actually think Dreamer has a chance in this. Khali is thrown out. And now no one else cares. It’s Dreamer vs. a tiny guy that never does anything else.

Dreamer gets some of his big spots in to get the crowd going a bit, but naturally as he goes for the DDT, Daivari just rolls him up with the tights for the pin. I hate this show more and more every time. Of course Khali comes out and chokeslams him on the ramp. Tazz is legit tick off as you can tell.

Rating: W. That stands for who possible cares anymore. I’m not even an ECW fan and I’m even an ECW critic and this is ticking me off. Tell me one reason why Daivari should have gone over like that here. If you’re going to have Khali destroy him, fine, but have that be the reason to end the match. This is just mindless.

Dreamer takes forever to get up as we’re an hour and 15 minutes into this and we have two matches left, one of which is a mixed tag.

Ad for See No Evil, which is of course, a WWE thing and not an ECW thing.

I actually took a break at this point to watch a bad Disney Channel movie. That’s how annoyed I am with this show.

Heyman gives Hardcore Holly the spot in the main event. The fans pause and then know what’s coming, as Holly gets the spot. I actually can’t understand Holly’s first line as the fans are booing so loudly. This was a freaking atrocity and it’s pathetic that it has to be. The fans are just freaking dead now.

Ariel/Kevin Thorn vs. Kelly/Mike Knox

Kelly dated Knox apparently. Kelly at this point is an exhibitionist and AWFUL. I mean she’s ridiculously bad so we get Knox and Thorn. Knox has no beard at this point and is somehow more worthless than he was before. Oh dang it they’re letting him talk. Oh good Kelly is talking instead. She likes Punk, who gets a chant. That chant didn’t happen though. No one likes Punk. What people want is HARDCORE HOLLY AND TEST!!!

Thorn is a vampire and Ariel is a fortune telling gypsy or something. She would become Salinas in TNA in case you’re more familiar with them. This is a freaking disgrace. I’m glad no one bought it as it makes things seem a bit better. No one cares about this either as since both girls can’t wrestle we more or less have a Knox vs. Thorn match.

And here they are. At least Kelly looks hot. Kelly tries to get the tag to Knox but he leaves. Note: the fans chant for Punk to come make the save. To make sure it’s clear: Punk is OVER. Sandman makes the save instead which gets a nice pop.

Rating: D-. Kelly looking hot is the only reason this passes. I just want to get to the end of this.

We get a long ad for Armageddon, which was the third PPV in four weeks. WWE was so stupid at this point that I can’t comprehend it.

Some RIDICULOUSLY hot chick named Rebecca interviews Lashley. She can’t talk but she doesn’t need to. It’s mainly about how Lashley has had to put up with a ton of garbage, more or less confirming that he’ll win tonight, which only Vince wanted to see.

Three of the people in the chamber come to the ring together. We get the same exact video as the one that opened the show. Oh man they knew they had jack. We’re about an hour and a half into the show at this point mind you.

Heyman comes out and talks while saying nothing at all. This is nothing more than trying desperately to fill in time.

ECW World Title: CM Punk vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Test vs. Hardcore Holly vs Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam

Now keep in mind, Punk and Lashley were more or less worthless at this point, so the only two legit main event guys you have in there are RVD who was hated by the company at this point and Show who didn’t care as he was leaving in 48 hours. RVD and Holly start. Remember that as soon as each pod opens up, the person comes out with a weapon which I’ll get to as each pod opens.

Holly is booed out of the building. Naturally Vince will insist that it’s because of how great a heel he is or whatever. So we have to watch Holly and Van Dam for five minutes. Oh joy. The entrances took almost ten minutes mind you. The fans are dead here by the way. We get Rolling Thunder on the cage, which is impressive but we’ve seen it before.

They’ve managed to make the Elimination Chamber boring. That’s just impressive. Note: another Punk chant goes up. I can’t emphasize this enough: PUNK IS OVER. In third is Punk and his chair to a freaking ERUPTION. It’s a shame that he didn’t have a chance to win here. And Van Dam kicks the chair into him so he’s down 30 seconds in.

Ok to be fair, they’re the two most over guys in there so that’s ok I guess. Van Dam is bleeding. Apparently you can get pins outside on the cage now. That’s new I think. Heyman is the evil GM here in case you didn’t know. Punk is getting destroyed by Holly here in case you weren’t sure.

Also Punk would have his first loss in the company to Holly in about a month with the justification being that Holly was the bigger star and should go over. Again: if it’s not Vince’s idea, it’s not a good idea. In fourth is Test with a crowbar. Naturally he nails Punk with it. This is freaking stupid. Test and Hardcore Holly are in the MAIN EVENT OF A PAY PER VIEW.

The idea here is that the heels are all working together which is completely pointless considering the idea of the match but that can’t be Vince’s idea. Heyman “booked” this remember? And then Van Dam hits this Five Star and Punk is gone. Yep, the most over guy in the match is out first while Test and Holly get to stick around.

Test puts Holly out ten seconds later with a big boot. It was only a two but the referee calls it three. The announcers and fans are confused but since this show isn’t for the fans it doesn’t matter. Van Dam goes up on top of Big Show’s pod but a chair shot puts him down. Test hits a big elbow off the pod…and Van Dam is out. Let’s see. Why is this stupid? Number one, the most over guy left is Big Show.

Second, now THERE’S NO ONE FOR TEST TO FIGHT, so it’s just dead time now. Third, you had FREAKING TEST beat RVD. We’re still just sitting around after two replays of the elbow and just waiting on ANYTHING to happen. The fans have completely turned on the match at this point and don’t care at all. Thankfully the next guy in is Lashley.

He gets NO pop at all. Heyman’s security try to hold him in the pod, but using the WOODEN table in the pod with him, he breaks the STEEL chains on top of the pod. ARE YOU CENSORED KIDDING ME??? The table is still in the pod mind you so it’s not like it’s even being used. They keep ramming Test into the Plexiglas to set up Lashley vs. Show.

Yeah, that’s what this whole thing is supposed to end with: the massive showdown between Show and a heavily muscled guy. I know I’ve said it before, but Vince has to have repressed homosexual desires towards musclemen. I mean really, is there any doubt of it at this point? The fans HATE this mind you.

A spear puts Test out with a minute and a half left until Show comes out. In other words, we have nothing to do but wait for the time to run out. You might as well quit reading now as you know exactly what’s coming. Show comes in with his barbed wire ball bat and naturally he gets in no offense as it’s ALL Lashley here.

He avoids the chokeslam and they slug it out. Lashley is terrible in the ring at this point mind you, so this is even more torture. And he wins it with a spear. The main event is over two hours and five minutes into the show.

Rating: D-. This was just completely ridiculous for reasons I’ve already gone into. For another thing, SABU, the guy that has somehow made a whole career out of doing stupid stunts in a ring, is left out here in favor of Holly. Are you freaking KIDDING? This was just so dumb and nothing more than Vince deciding that he’s smarter than the fans once again.

And that’s it. No seriously, the show which cost 40 dollars started at 8pm and was over at 10:05pm, the last 4 minutes being the celebration by Lashley. Do I even need to insult this?

Overall Rating: I. For incomplete. Where’s the last 45 minutes of this? I know WWE cuts their shows early, but this was inexcusable. Not only does it end 40 minutes early, but there were two matches allegedly worth seeing and the Hardys vs. MNM was the only good thing of it at all. This wasn’t a PPV. It was Vince making sure that ECW died the way he wanted it to.

If Vince would listen once all night, he could have heard the fans BEGGING for this to be Punk but the rookie muscle guy gets it instead. Heyman was of course blamed for the whole thing because while he wrote the show, it was his third one or so and the only reason he went with it was because Vince wouldn’t accept anything.

Like I said, the initial idea was Punk puts Show out in about three minutes and we end with Van Dam, Punk and Lashley (if we have to) in a 20 minute war. Alas, that would have been entertaining though so they went with Lashley being given the hero push so Vince would have nice wet dreams that night. This was an abomination and not a PPV at all.

Get the Hardys/MNM match if you like tag wrestling, but other than that don’t do anything with this show so Vince doesn’t get anything out of it. This was an insult to the fans at best and an ego trip by Vince of epic proportions.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

As usual, it’s about taking it back to the past.When Ricky Steamboat debuted, he was billed as the nephew of a popular local wrestler named Sam Steamboat.  Shane Douglas was the nephew of Paul Orndorff when he started.  Kane is Undertaker’s brother.  Why not do this more often?  They harp on how important being a second generation guy is all the time now, so why not make it up?  It’s ok to lie to up once in awhile, so why not try something like this?

Simple idea: what do you want from Xanta Claus for Christmas?  My list:1. Less 50/50 booking.

2. Better stories.

3. Less Hogan.

4. Eve Torres

Your lists?

Smackdown
Date: November 30, 2012
Location: CenturyLink Center, Bossier City, Louisiana
Commentators: Josh Matthews, John Bradshaw Layfield

Remember when Smackdown used to be good? Like when it was the best wrestling show on TV? I’m trying to give myself a nice feeling before I get into this show. We’re going to get the Shield interview from Raw I’m sure, along with Cena and AJ’s latest kiss at least once or twice on top of that. Oh and the world champions will get a quick bit of time too if we can squeeze them in. Let’s get to it.

The opening voiceover is about Shield and Show vs. Sheamus at the end.

Here’s Cena to open the show. Before Cena can eve talk, we get a recap of him vs. Ziggler. Cena talks about now being on Smackdown that often, but he’s here tonight because Dolph is in the main event. He makes fun of Ziggler for being world champion for about ten minutes once and for losing the MITB case whenever he cashes it in. Tonight it’s Sheamus vs. Ziggler and Cena is excited about it.

This brings out….Alberto Del Rio? Cena sucks up to the fans a bit as Alberto says the show belongs to him. Del Rio lists off his accomplishments, all of which Cena himself has done if I remember correctly. Alberto tells Cena to get out but Cena wants to see the main event. Cena says he won’t leave now because he has a match with Del Rio RIGHT NOW.

John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio

After a break we come back for the opening bell and to see Cena shoulder block Del Rio to the floor. We head to the outside and Cena gets rammed back first into the announce table. Back in and Alberto hits a top rope ax handle/punch to the face for two. We get a recap from before the break that set this match up via a splitscreen. Do they really think we need that much assistance in getting through a show?

A running kick to the face puts Cena down and a suplex gets two. Ziggler is watching in the back as Del Rio hooks an armbar. Cena blocks a second suplex attempt into one of his own, only to have Alberto hit a running kick to the arm in the corner. Another ax handle gets two and it’s back to the armbar. We take a break and come back with Del Rio missing a backsplash off the middle rope.

Cena initiates his finishing sequence and hits the Shuffle but the AA is countered into a Backstabber for two. The armbreaker is countered into a neckbreaker by Cena and both guys are down. John heads up top but Del Rio takes him down with an enziguri. Another enziguri misses but Cena can’t get the STF. A backbreaker puts Cena down for two more so Del Rio goes up yet again. His third attempt at an ax handle is blocked by a Cena dropkick to put both guys down. The AA is countered into the armbreaker which is countered into the STF by Cena.

Alberto FINALLY makes a rope and heads to the apron. As Cena tries to pull him back in, there’s an armbreaker over the ropes to slow Cena down. Alberto tries a sunset flip but gets caught in another AA attempt. THAT gets reversed into a German suplex for two so Alberto puts Cena in the Tree of Woe. Del Rio tries a spear to an upside down Cena but hits the post shoulder first instead. The top rope Fameasser hits perfectly for the pin on Alberto at 11:23 shown of 14:53.

Rating: B. This was a solid nearly PPV quality match with one thing that really set it apart: the ending. It’s nice to see something other than one of Cena’s two finishers ending a match for a change. Seeing the same moves get the same two counts over and over can start to seem like a waste of time after awhile, so having one of those moves get a pin every now and then is a good thing. The match was good stuff too and one of their better matches.

As Cena poses on the stage, Dolph blasts him in the back of the head with the briefcase. Josh: “You don’t want to see something like that happen to John Cena.” John: “Why not?”

Time for another recap, this time of the main event of Raw where Punk beat Kane and then the Shield ran in to beat up the monster. The beatdown on Ryback isn’t shown.

HELL NO is glaring at each other in the back when Kofi comes up to tell them to get along because they have a six man tonight. The tag champions shout compliments to each other and agree that they can get along. Kofi doesn’t know what to think of this.

Cena yells at Booker that he wants Ziggler. Booker says let the match with Sheamus vs. Ziggler take place tonight. Cena agrees because of his past with Booker.

Great Khali vs. David Otunga

Josh says this might be harder for Otunga than passing the bar exam, causing JBL to go on a big rant. Khali knocks Otunga to the floor where Horny jumps him, only to get chased away. Khali pulls Otunga back into the ring for the big chop and the pin at 1:26.

Horny and Khali dance post match.

Prime Time Players/Wade Barrett vs. HELL NO/Kofi Kingston

Take two feuds, put them into one match. This is something that could be done far more often. Kane vs. Darren gets things going here with Young getting punched down very quickly. Off to Bryan for a running dropkick in the corner and some regular kicks to a seated Young as well. Kane hits a seated dropkick of his own for two as Young shouts for Titus.

Darren finally gets in a single shot and runs over to Titus for the tag. O’Neal has his head kicked off for two and he’s sent to the floor. There’s Bryan’s running knee off the apron and we take a break. Back with Kofi getting two on Young off a dropkick. Back to Kane who does nothing so here’s Bryan again. Daniel fires off kicks and chops but Titus comes in off a blind tag to take over for the first time.

The Players take Bryan down with a double shoulder for two by Young. Off to a surfboard hold with the knee in the back by Darren. That goes nowhere so here’s Barrett for the first time. Pumphandle slam gets two on Bryan and it’s off to a reverse chinlock. Titus hits a reverse slam on Bryan before suplexing Young down onto him for two.

Darren hooks a chinlock but Bryan fights up with a bunch of forearms. Young comes back with a northern lights suplex for two as we’re waiting on the big hot tag. Titus works on the back of Bryan but charges into a boot in the corner to give Bryan a breather. There’s the tag to Kane who beats the tar out of Young, getting two off a side slam.

The top rope clothesline connects but Titus breaks things up. Kofi comes in sans tag (such a bad influence on the children) and everything breaks down. Young tries to come in of the top but jumps into a chokeslam. Swan Dive and the NO Lock from Bryan get the tap at 10:38 shown of 14:08.

Rating: C. This might as well have been the Players vs. the champions with Kofi and Barrett as managers. The two singles guys were in the match for maybe a minute each at most and I actually forgot who they were when I was writing up the results. The match wasn’t bad or anything, but I’m not sure why Barrett and Kingston didn’t get more time.

Sheamus is very excited about kicking Ziggler in the head later.

Raw ReBound is the ending of the show, most of which we saw earlier.

Here’s Damien Sandow, who says he’s going to be focusing on individuals instead of the masses from now on, which is why he’s going to search for an apprentice. He goes through the front row and finds a guy in a Punk shirt that suits him. Damien asks the fan some basic questions (how many wheels on a tricycle and how often does the US hold presidential elections) before asking what the velocity of Jupiter’s moon Europa. Sandow’s reply of “YOU IGNARAMOUS!” when the guy doesn’t know is hilarious. He says the fan has disgraced Louisiana and wants him out of his country.

Damien Sandow vs. Tyson Kidd

Kidd chases Sandow to the apron but Damien rams him face first into said apron to take over. Back in and the Wind-Up Elbow gets two but Kidd comes back with kicks to the head for two of his own. Sandow heads to the floor and gets caught in a suicide dive from Kidd. Back in and Kidd tries his springboard elbow but it lands on Sandow’s knee. For some reason this hurts Kidd instead of Damien’s knee is beyond me but whatever. Terminus ends this at 2:49.

Video on Cena’s 300^th Make-A-Wish granted.

Ziggler says that Cena is a liar and liars get what they deserve: MITB case shots to the back of their heads. There’s a really bad superhero parody skit in there somewhere.

Usos vs. 3 Man Band

It’s Slater/Mahal again. Slater vs. Jey to get things going here as the fans go pretty silent after booing 3MB’s entrance. It’s quickly off to Jimmy who now has a sleeve tattoo which helps tell them apart. A middle rope splash gets two on Slater but it’s off to Mahal to take over with a knee and chinlock. A hot tag brings in Jey for some fast paced offense including a shot to the face and a Samoan Drop for no cover. The running Umaga attack in the corner gets two but some Slater interference lets Mahal hit the full nelson slam for the pin at 2:41. This was nothing.

We recap Show and Sheamus’ staredown from Raw with Show breaking a chair.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus

Ziggler takes over to start but the showing off lets Sheamus get in a few shots to take control away. Dolph sends him to the floor but dives into a fall away slam into the barricade. Ziggler is thrown back in, only to fall right back to the floor. Sheamus throws him back in again but Ziggler guillotines him down to break up the ten forearms. We take a break and come back with Ziggler hitting a splash in the corner for two.

Off to a chinlock by the smaller guy, followed by a kick to Sheamus’ head for two. Ziggler chokes and stomps away in the corner but his charge is countered by a backdrop to the apron. There are the ten forearms to the chest but Ziggler avoids the top rope shoulder. Brogue Kick misses and Ziggler gets two off the jumping DDT. The Fameasser misses as well and there’s the Irish Curse for two. White Noise is countered but Sheamus counters the counter into the Cloverleaf but here’s Big Show for the DQ at 8:45 shown of 12:15.

Rating: C. Nothing significant here as it was all leading up to a run-in finish. It’s nice to see Ziggler not lose clean for once which happens way too often for a guy who is likely going to be a world champion in the next few months. Other than that though, nothing to see here for the most part but it wasn’t bad.

Cena comes out to save Sheamus from a double team. There’s an AA to Ziggler and a double suplex to Show. A double shoulder puts Show on the floor and the good guys celebrate to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Let’s see: recaps kept far lower than previous weeks, some pretty good and long matches, nothing being horrible for the most part, and a 3 Man Band sighting. By comparison to most of what we’ve gotten from WWE lately, this was one of the best shows in months. I’d be much happier with Smackdown if it were like this all the time, as in NOT ABOUT RAW.

Results

John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio – Top Rope Fameasser

Great Khali b. David Otunga – Chop

HELL NO/Kofi Kingston b. Wade Barrett/Prime Time Players – NO Lock to Young

Damien Sandow b. Tyson Kidd – Terminus

3 Man Band b. Uso Brothers – Full Nelson Slam to Jey

Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Big Show interefered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

NXT
Date: November 28, 2012
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tony Dawson, Jim Ross, Tom Phillips

Back to the Florida guys this week as we approach the title match between Rollins and Mahal. We’re also getting towards the point where this show will catch up to WWE and we’ll see Mahal as a leather clad rocker and potentially Rollins as a guy in a police themed gimmick. Other than that we’ve still got Langston vs. Vickie’s guys for the bounty. Let’s get to it.

We open with Bryan, saying that he’s coming back to the place where it all started for him. Since he was here, he became world champion, started a successful line of t-shirts and now HE IS THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! Tonight he demands that no one say YES and that no one call him a goatface. He also says that Kane, who is standing next to him, must stay out of his way. Kane says HE is the tag team champions and for Bryan to stay out of his way. You know where this is going. Bryan lets out the biggest NO ever but Kane says yes to counter.

Theme song.

Trent Barreta vs. Leo Kruger

Trent has banged up ribs due to the presumed attack by Kruger last week. He takes Kruger down with some running shots to the head to start, but the ribs keep him from being able to follow up. Leo sends the ribs into the corner and rips off the tape. A knee drop keeps Trent down and Kruger goes after the ribs. Off to an abdominal stretch as the tape is rapidly disappearing from Barreta’s ribs.

Kruger goes up to the middle rope but jumps into a dropkick for two. Trent keeps hitting moves but he has to stop to breathe after every single one. The running elbow in the corner staggers Kruger but a release flapjack stops the momentum cold. The Kruger End (neckbreaker into a cutter) gets the pin on Trent at 4:39.

Rating: C-. The match makes sense from a logic and psychology standpoint which I like, but it wasn’t exactly an interesting match due to all of the slowing down. Trent is a guy who will go out there and give you a good match most of the time, but he wasn’t able to be himself here. Odds are we’ll get another match soon when Trent is healthy.

Xavier Woods vs. Memo Montenegro

Woods is billed as being from Angel Grove, California. Isn’t that where the Power Rangers were from in the first few seasons? Woods likes to dance apparently and also is good in hip hop kido. JR doesn’t care for whatever that is but likes headlocks. The voice Ross uses when saying that was hilarious. Woods continues to control with the headlock as JR continues to sound like he cannot stand Woods’ gimmick. Memo misses a clothesline and a dropkick puts him down. In a stupid/AWESOME ending, Woods shouts that IT’S MORPHING TIME (awesome) and hits a rolling clothesline for the pin at 2:14.

Wait a second. During the match, Dawson said that Woods was trained by Zack Taylor in Hip Hop Kido. A quick Wikipedia search shows that Taylor was the name of the original Black Power Ranger and his fighting style was in fact Hop Hop Kido. I take what I said earlier back. Woods is AWESOME!

Audrey Marie vs. Emma

Emma is from Australia and Audrey is officially a cowgirl. A dropkick puts Emma down quickly and Audrey hooks a “unique submission” according to Tom. JR: “It’s called a bodyscissors Tom.” That gets a few rollups for two on Emma and it’s off to a move I’ve heard called a Tumbleweed for more twos. JR continues to be funny because he’s annoyed and/or bored, saying that he feels sorry for these girls because neither has a last name. Tom calls a cross body a giant play to annoy JR even more. After a backslide gets two for Emma, Audrey finishes her with a Catatonic (spinning Rock Bottom) at 2:40.

Roman Reigns has issued a press release, saying that he doesn’t want to give an interview right now. He has meetings with his “team” to determine various endorsements because he’s a blue chipper, but he’ll participate in this interview at a later date. Ok that’s pretty awesome.

Here’s Michael Cole to moderate a face to face meeting between Rollins and Mahal. Cole’s music sounds like it’s being sung by a bad Frank Sinatra impersonator and is called Never Thought My Life Could Be This Good. It sounds like it’s describing a scene from Leave It To Beaver, talking about having a mowed lawn and a picket fence. It’s kind of catchy actually.

Anyway he brings out Rollins and Mahal for the face to face confrontation. Mahal says what he did last week wasn’t an attack. Rollins says it was the action of a desperate man, because Mahal knows he can’t beat Rollins one on one. Mahal talks about how it’s his birthright (his destiny if you will) to be a champion. Rollins talks about being a man of the people and sharing a mind and a spirit. Rollins says he’s better than Mahal because he has the heart of a champion. Mahal goes on a rant about prejudice and attacks Rollins, putting him in the camel clutch.

Tag Titles: Michael McGillicutty/Johnny Curtis vs. HELL NO

Curtis is already dancing and is apparently a stripper now. Oh joy. Apparently THIS is Johnny’s cash in for winning NXT Season 4. Wow they actually remembered that. Points for continuity! Bryan and Kane argue before the match, which starts with McGillicutty vs. Bryan. Michael takes him down to start and Bryan pretends to tag Kane, just to tease him a bit. Now be nice to that monster.

Kane tags himself in and clotheslines McGillicutty to the floor, only to have Bryan tag himself back in. The challengers take over with some double teaming and Goatface plays Ricky Morton. Curtis puts on a bow and arrow submission hold before it’s back to McGillicutty for some shots to the ribs. Johnny hooks a chinlock for a bit before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Hot tag brings in Kane and house is cleaned. Bryan tags himself in again and the champions argue. McGillicutty gets two off a rollup as everything breaks down. A chokeslam puts Curtis down as the NO Lock submits McGillicutty at 7:05.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here as the whole match was just killing time until McGillicutty and Curtis realized they were McGillicutty and Curtis. Why in the world Curtis is getting repackaged and put on the main roster instead of McGillicutty is beyond me, but it might be because Michael is talented and might get over, and we wouldn’t want that.

The champs hug it out to close the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t their best show. The Power Rangers thing is a great geek out moment, but the rest of this show doesn’t work for me. The main guys other than Rollins weren’t here and they were clearly missed. I can’t complain about seeing Audrey Marie on my screen, but JR being belligerent is sad to hear. He just doesn’t care anymore and that’s very clear. Not a terrible show, but their worst in months.

Results

Leo Kruger b. Trent Barreta – Kruger End

Xavier Woods b. Memo Montenegro – Rolling Clothesline

Audrey Marie b. Emma – Spinning Rock Bottom

HELL NO b. Michael McGillicutty/Johnny Curtis – NO Lock to McGillicutty

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Watching a Nitro from 1997 and it made me miss something.It’s the night after Bash at the Beach 1997 and Heenan is talking incessantly about how you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO see the encore.  That’s something you NEVER hear anymore about PPVs.  Anymore today it’s basically “here’s what we’ve got, buy it.  Please?”  Gene Okerlund and Bobby Heenan were masters at sounding like used car salesmen or carnival barkers, where after hearing them talk for 20 minutes you had to buy the PPV, just because you had heard so much about it.

Another thing you hardly ever heard said anymore about WWE PPVs: the date of the show.  Watch an old WWF TV show and you’ll hear the date of their next PPV probably 10 times.  That’s done for a reason: you hear the date so often that you start counting down to it in your head and on the day or before it, you snap and order the show because you NEED to see it.  Now it’s always “in just under two weeks” or whatever they say anymore, which is something easier to forget.

Don’t beg us to buy a PPV.  Sell it to us.

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 26, 2012
Location: Cajundome, Lafayette, Louisiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re getting closer to TLC now and the main story tonight is an interview with the three NXT guys. I’m curious to see where things are going with them as we haven’t gotten an explanation yet. On top of that we’re likely to get some more matches set for the PPV, including whatever Punk’s title match is going to be. Let’s get to it.

The voiceover gets us going with a recap of AJ/Cena/Vickie/Dolph. You know, because people aren’t going to remember it. Oh and there’s stuff about the NXT guys.

Ryback vs. Titus O’Neal

Titus pounds him down to start but walks into the Thesz Press and head smashes. O’Neal wants time out so Ryback runs him over. Darren Young tries to interfere, allowing Titus to hit the Clash of the Titus for one. Ryback shoves the Players together, hits a spinebuster, the Meat Hook and Shell Shock for the pin at 3:17.

Rating: D+. Total squash here as another pair of guys who are likely going to be champions soon lose because Ryback has to squash someone and there’s NO ONE but these guys he could do it to. The problem with booking like this is why am I supposed to buy the Players as a major threat now if they just got killed like that? Especially if they’re champions, because apparently one guy can beat them up.

Ryback says he’s not leaving until he gets Punk, the three guys, or all four.

Security comes out after a break and Ryback destroys one of them. Vickie comes out and says she has no choice but Ryback cuts her off. He wants Punk at TLC but Vickie says he has to leave. Ryback tells her to shut up because he’s not finished. He wants Punk at TLC in a TLC match or he’ll tear the ring apart. Vickie says ok but get out of the ring. Ryback goes after security but they all leave.

We recap Hornswoggle spraying water on Rosa last week. Earlier today Rosa yells at Horny but he wants to know who would want to kiss her and give her flowers. Alberto comes to her defense but Khali stops Alberto before any damage can be done.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Great Khali

This is joined in progress after a break with Khali chopping Del Rio’s chest. Rosa is watching in the back. Horny is at ringside as Khali chops away some more. Del Rio comes back with a shot to the arm and a superkick before hammering on the arm a bit. Alberto charges into an elbow in the corner and some clotheslines from Khali. There’s the big chop but Ricardo’s distraction stops the Vice. Horny bites Ricardo’s pants and there’s a kick and Codebreaker to the arm. Armbreaker gets the tap at 3:35.

Rating: D+. I’m glad Khali is back given how bad he was doing there for awhile and it’s good to see Del Rio down the card and fighting ANYONE not named Orton for awhile, but this was nothing much. Then again, what do you expect from a guy like Khali? Not much of a match but it did its job well enough I guess.

Punk and Heyman come in to yell at Vickie and accuse her of being biased. She gave him the shot because of the screwjobs Punk has been behind. He denies being behind them but Vickie puts Punk in a match with the winner of the Raw Poll: either Bryan or Kane.

We get a sitdown interview with the three NXT guys from earlier today. Ambrose cuts off cole and wants to know who is asking about them. Ambrose says they’re not working for Punk and Rollins says the question should be why are they doing this. Rollins talks about how everyone has to answer to everyone, but at the end of the day it’s a popularity contest that determines who gets everything in the WWE. He says they’re a shield against wrong.

Ambrose says it was wrong to have Punk face guys he already fought and if Ryback had been champion for a year and Punk tried to interfere, they would have stopped him too. Cole asks if Roman has anything to say. He says if he has something to say, he’ll say it. Ambrose says they’re not the Nexus or the NWO but rather the shield from injustice. Reigns stands up and says this interview is over. They all walk out to end things. Not bad but I’m not wild on the Shield name.

Fandango is coming and we see his face. Egads this is going to SUCK.

Alicia Fox vs. Tamina Snuka

Tamina says this match is a warning to AJ to not mess with Vickie again. Jerry goes onto some small rants about how Shield is crooked. Total squash by Tamina who wins with a Samoan Drop and Superfly Splash in 2:05. Next.

Here’s Cena to address the AJ/Vickie stuff. After probably the tenth recap of the kiss, Cena talks about how he’s had a ton of moments in his ten years here, but he’s never been interrogated more than having people ask if AJ is a good kisses. He’s about to talk about it when Vickie comes out to say I told you so. She pulls out a big box (not that kind of box. It’s a PG show) and has matching bathrobes for Cena and AJ. Vickie goes on a long rant about AJ and here she comes, looking SMOKING hot in a white top and jeans.

AJ says she’s had issues with men over the last year but she’s learning from them. Since she’s not GM anymore, she can date whoever she wants and can do whatever she wants. She goes to kiss John but Vickie freaks out. Vickie is called a dog, and here’s Ziggler to interrupt AGAIN. Dolph asks what’s going on with Cena and why Cena attacked him on Smackdown. Ziggler says he’s figured it out. Last week when AJ kissed Cena, she was thinking about Dolph the whole time. Cena is about to go after Ziggler but Vickie stops him. It’s Cena vs. Ziggler tonight.

Kofi Kingston vs. Tensai

Non-title, because why make it a title match? Tensai knocks him down into the corner so Kofi speeds things up….and has his head knocked off by a shoulder block. Tensai puts on perhaps the least interested looking armbar of all time before Kingston comes back and hits a chop off the top rope.

A clothesline puts Tensai down (ignore that he was clearly falling before Kofi touched him) and there’s the Boom Drop. Trouble in Paradise is blocked and Tensai catches the pendulum kick in the corner. An elbow gets two but a Vader Bomb misses. Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise from the floor and wins with a top rope cross body at 3:30.

Rating: D. This was really sloppy and should have ended with the first Trouble in Paradise attempt. Tensai clearly just does not care at all anymore and why should he? He’s a pure jobber to the stars and not a very good one at that. This was a dull match that was there so Barrett can look at Kofi some more.

Barrett hands Kofi the title post match.

Bryan shows Kane a voting map which proves how much more popular he is than Kane. Unfortunately they don’t have polling data where Kane comes from so Kane can’t win. Kane offers to send Bryan there to find out but we get the poll results instead. Kane wins 59-41, in a surprising result. Bryan gets Rey Mysterio as a consolation prize.

Daniel Bryan vs. Rey Mysterio

Feeling out process to start with Rey sending Bryan to the floor, only for Daniel to slide back inside and hit a running knee to the face from the apron. Back in and Bryan cranks on the arm in a move that looks SICK. He has an armbar on but bends Rey’s arm back so far that he can stand on it for two. FREAKING OW MAN! Both guys get sent to the floor as the other one slides back in and we take a break.

Back with Rey getting crotched and Bryan firing away kicks to Rey in the Tree of Woe. Bryan puts on a surfboard for a bit before sending Rey into the post on the floor. That gets two so Bryan loads up a superplex. Rey fights out and hits the seated senton as things speed up. Rey escapes a sunset flip and kicks Bryan in the head for two. Bryan gets sent into the corner where Rey hits a 619 around the post and the top rope splash for the pin at 12:43.

Rating: C+. Not bad here and it was nice to see a clean pin. I have less of a problem with a tag team champion losing in a singles match, especially when it could set up a title match later on between the two teams. This show has been having bad match after bad match so far so this was a nice change of pace. Decent stuff here, as expected.

Alberto winks at Rosa and walks away with Ricardo. Who is he more interested in anyway?

We recap Raw from last week AGAIN. Dear freaking goodness WE GET IT.

Now we recap the end of Smackdown with Ziggler pinning Orton and getting taken out by Cena to end the show.

Dolph Ziggler vs. John Cena

Feeling out process to start with neither guy being able to get an advantage, likely because they’re just feeling each other out. Ziggler takes Cena down and we take a break. Back with Cena on the floor, apparently after having been rammed into the steps. Ziggler throws him back into the ring and does situps while using Cena to hold his feet down. Cena pops up and starts his finishing sequence, but the Shuffle is broken up by a kick to the face. A jumping DDT gets two for Ziggler and it’s sleeper time.

Cena rams Ziggler into the corner to counter and puts on the STF but Ziggler does the crawl to the ropes to escape. Cena staggers around and walks into a BIG dropkick to put both guys down. Ziggler goes up top for a cross body but Cena rolls through into the AA. Dolph kind of botches the counter as he lands on his legs instead of his feet, but he comes back with the Zig Zag for two.

Cena hits the spinning slam and loads up the Shuffle again, but the knee gives out. John rolls to the floor and Ziggler unhooks a buckle pad. This draws out AJ to stop him but Vickie comes out as well and pulls her off the apron (doesn’t that mean she’s fired?). Dolph tries a shot with the case but but Cena ducks and hits the AA for the pin at 11:50.

Rating: B-. Another good match between these two, but it makes me wonder what we’re building to with this story now. It would have seemed to be for this match, so maybe it’s a mixed tag or something? I certainly hope not, because that would be more than a waste of time. The match here was good though, which is always a good thing.

AJ kisses Cena again post match.

Sheamus vs. Antonio Cesaro

Time for a match to be stretched to about fifteen minutes because we need a match to be stretched to about fifteen minutes. Sheamus pounds away on him in Sheamus-esque fashion before we head to the floor. Cesaro whips him into the steps and we take a break. Back with Cesaro getting two off a clothesline and the same off a gutwrench suplex. Irish Curse gets two for Sheamus but White Noise is countered.

Instead Sheamus gets two off a powerslam, but Antonio comes back with a kind of reverse Angle Slam, where he slammed Sheamus forward instead of backwards. I’ve never seen that before and it gets two. Sheamus kicks him away and pulls himself to the top. The shoulder jumps into the uppercut though, drawing a gasp from the crowd. The Neutralizer is broken up and the Brogue Kick sends Antonio to the floor for the countout at 12:52.

Rating: C+. This got good towards the end and I’m glad Cesaro didn’t get pinned, but it was really hard to believe that he ever had a legit chance at winning. Sheamus continues to look strong before the match at TLC, where he actually could get the title back. Either way, decent stuff here and thankfully they didn’t pin Cesaro.

Show comes out during the referee’s count but it means nothing. He has a chair and Sheamus says he’ll do it right now if Show wants. Show literally rips and breaks the chair apart.

Damien Sandow vs. Zack Ryder

Ryder’s trunks and pads have a Ghostbusters theme to them now. Sandow gets flipped down and he hides on the floor, only to come back with strikes to the face for two. Off to a chinlock by Damien followed by a knee drop. The Wind-Up Elbow gets two and it’s off to a crossface chickenwing. Ryder makes a comeback with a forearm in the corner but Sandow rolls to the floor before the Broski Boot can hit. Ryder goes up, only to get crotched and caught in the Terminus for the pin at 4:50.

Rating: D+. Picture a Sandow vs. Ryder match. This one is the most recent of them. That’s all I’ve got here.

Since we’ve got time to kill, here’s the Shield interview from earlier. As in the whole thing.

Kane vs. CM Punk

Kane slugs him into the corner to start and Punk bails as we take a very early break. Back with Punk working on Kane’s leg. Punk goes to the floor and might hurt his own knee in the process. There’s already a bandage over his knee so maybe there’s something to the knee injury. Anyway the suicide dive takes Kane out but Punk can’t follow up immediately. Back in and Punk hits a running knee in the corner followed by a second one. He loads up a third but Kane comes out with an uppercut to take Punk down.

Side slam gets two for Kane as Punk tries to get his knee to work again. Kane goes up top and hits the clothesline but Punk comes back with a swinging neckbreaker for two. Heyman plays cheerleader a bit but Punk springboards into a chokeslam. Heyman, ever the good manager, pulls Punk’s feet into the ropes so Kane can’t immediately cover. Kane loads up the Tombstone but Punk escapes and hits Kane in the knee. GTS gets the clean pin at 10:20.

Rating: C. Not bad here but I’m a fan of both guys. Kane is fine for a spot like this because he’s not going to be hurt badly by a single loss. Either way, decent stuff here and it gave Punk something to do tonight that didn’t have anything to do with Ryback. It’s nice to get a week off from the same stuff every week before a PPV for a change.

Post match here’s the Shield to stare at Punk and attack Kane. Bryan comes in for the save and the tag champs get beaten down. The fans finally get what they want as Ryback comes down. Punk dives into the crowd and Ryback runs into the ring to fight the whole Shield. He knocks them all down at once and powerbombs Rollins. Meathooks put down Reigns and Ambrose.

Punk tries to come in for the save but gets put in a powerbomb position as well. Reigns spears him down and the numbers catch up to Ryback. The Triple Powerbomb puts him down again. But Ryback is still incredibly strong right? These constant beatdowns by three minor league guys mean NOTHING right? This doesn’t hurt his push at all, right? Punk stands tall as Lawler claims conspiracy to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show felt especially long tonight because of all the recaps but at least we had some good matches to balance things out. Also none of the matches felt overly long for the same of being overly long, which is definitely a step in the right direction. As usual with the show though, the third hour being there is what brings the show down. Well that and the incessant recaps of the Cena/AJ stuff. This could have been a lot worse though, which is high praise for Raw anymore.

Results

Ryback b. Titus O’Neal – Shell Shock

Alberto Del Rio b. Great Khali – Cross Armbreaker

Tamina Snuka b. Alicia Fox – Superfly Splash

Rey Mysterio b. Daniel Bryan – Top Rope Splash

John Cena b. Dolph Ziggler – Attitude Adjustment

Sheamus b. Antonio Cesaro via countout

Damien Sandow b. Zack Ryder – Terminus

CM Punk b. Kane – GTS

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

I mean good freaking grief between Raw and Smackdown we’ve seen the AJ/Cena kiss and the brawl in the locker room probably ten times now.  IS THIS REALLY NECESSARY???  We get it: Cena and AJ kissed and Ziggler and Cena had a fight in the bathroom.  We don’t need to see it three times a show!

It’s not that surprising.Punk vs. Ryback in a TLC match, meaning a match where Ryback can get screwed over……again.

Someone asked me this and I wrote it out in a comment, but I thought others that don’t read the comments might like this too.

Assuming I’m stuck with the three hours, the most important thing I’d do is cut out the freaking recaps. SO much time is wasted on the recaps and there’s no point in just talking about stuff we just saw. On top of that, drop the GM/boss stuff. There is zero need to have it on Raw or Smackdown and you can just say someone made the match and go from there. On top of that, mix things up. As in don’t use the same plot devices (champion loses to a challenger then has a rematch on PPV for the title, guy’s music comes on to distract someone and the opponent gets a rollup pin, evil GM etc) over and over again. There are unlimited story possibilities but they use like five. Also, perhaps most importantly, develop the characters more. Look at what happened with HELL NO: they were shown out of the arena and got to show what they’re like outside and the characters EXPLODED. Show Alberto blowing money or being cheap or something like that. Let them be creative.

To sum it up: mix things up a bit. That’s how you fix things. Let people have some creativity instead of doing the same stuff over and over again.

Oh and one more thing: better storytelling. Look at Orton vs. Del Rio. Orton has beaten him time and time again and the feud just keeps going with Del Rio ignoring every single loss and acting like it doesn’t happen. If he doesn’t care and nothing changes, why should I care as a fan?