Smackdown
Date: September 30, 2011
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

It’s the go home show for Nigh….oh I’m sorry I seem to have gotten the wrong review. It seems like only a little while ago that it was a go home show and it can’t be another one so soon. Only a bunch of idiots would have two PPVs for 45 bucks with one off week in between them. I mean you would have to be crazy to think that would be a good idea. Since there’s no way this can be another go home show so soon, I’m curious as to what happens. Let’s get to it.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is the Cleveland Indians who can’t win one game to finish .500.

Rhodes vs. Sheamus for the title and Christian vs. Orton 10 later.

Here’s Booker to open the show and he’s going to interview Henry. Booker says he was a fan of Henry since the beginning and that since he’s a 6 time champion, he knows what it takes to get there so congratulations. Henry wants to know if that means Booker thinks he’s six times better than he is. Henry yells a lot and says he could put Booker through that announce table but he’s here for Orton, not Booker.

Night of Champions was about the World Heavyweight Championship. He talks about how at home he has the heads of Lawler, Kane and Big Show mounted on his wall (I guess being future endeavored erases your head from existence) and there’s a special place on the wall for Orton. Booker wants to know why it’s all about the violence and pain. Henry says lower your tone and that for fifteen years he did the good things and took pictures and kissed babies. Now he wants to be dominate.

Booker asks about Sunday (wow they really are that stupid) and if Randy can hit the RKO…but Henry cuts him off saying that won’t happen because it can’t happen. Orton can’t beat him and everyone knows it. Henry is going to beat down Khali tonight like he did on Monday so bring him out right now so we can do it. Henry won’t shake Booker’s hand to end this.

Mark Henry vs. Great Khali

Khali pounds away and Henry is staggered. It’s a heavyweight slugfest and Henry is in trouble. Two chops put Henry down for two and here comes Henry’s comeback. He pounds away and puts Khali down where two splashes only get a two count. I’d have thought that was it. There’s the Slam and we’re done at 2:51. This was a lot more fun than I was expecting but battles of the giants are an old standard and they almost always are worth at least a glance.

Post match Henry Pillmanizes Khali’s leg.

Khali is being taken out on a stretcher and Mahal comes up to yell at him.

Evan Bourne vs. Jack Swagger

Bourne gets the big hometown boy pop. Swagger comes out to Ziggler’s music to annoy me. I’m really liking these guys being on both shows as it lets you keep these stories going. Swagger takes over early as is his custom. Bourne fires off some kicks but Swagger catches a headscissors into a side slam.

Vader Bomb misses and Bourne fires off some offense, including that double knee to the neck thing he does. Ziggler interferes but the powerbomb is countered. Bourne sets for the Shooting Star but Vickie breaks it up and the ankle lock ends this at 2:32. Another fast paced match that sets up the probable tag title match at the PPV.

We get a video on the Sin Cara vs. Sin Cara feud and the match at the PPV is announced.

Sin Cara vs. Heath Slater

Slater has a boring southern rock song as his theme music now. At least it’s supposed to be southern rock. It sounds like bad country. It took me longer to say that than the whole match which ends in 42 seconds with a Swanton Bomb.

The other Sin Cara pops up on screen and takes off his mask to reveal a new black one. He says the other Sin Cara stole his identity as Mistico so now it’s time for him to do the same thing. Cool to hear an actual reason for what’s going on.

Video on HHH and how things are going crazy in the company at the moment. He’s not here tonight.

The group that wants to sue HHH is in the back and there are a lot of them: Team Vickie, Johnny Ace, Rhodes, Christian and Otunga as the lawyer. Otunga has an idea put together that could work. Christian says he’s cool with Otunga doing this. It goes down Monday.

Kelly Kelly vs. Natalya

Well at least Kelly is in the white shorts. No entrance for Nattie. Beth sits in on commentary. Kelly goes off on her to start and hits a Thesz Press off the ropes but Nattie pounds away and hooks a chinlock. A victory roll gets the pin at 1:25. Can we get a match that breaks three minutes?

Post match Beth hits the Glam Slam and Natalya puts her in that freaky submission she used on Monday. Beth talks trash and Kelly screams a lot.

Intercontinental Title: Cody Rhodes vs. Sheamus

This is happening because Christian cost Sheamus the battle royal Monday. Cody says he’s being discriminated against by the WWE, referencing being put in a battle royal after having his head injured by the bell. They slug it out to start and guess who gets the better of that. Sheamus tries his forearms in the ropes but Cody escapes. Sheamus is like ok then and beats Cody down a bit and then hits them the second time.

Cody gets in a mask shot and the Beautiful Disaster for two as we take a break. Back after a video about the Cell and Cody has a hammerlock on. Sheamus fires back but a single arm DDT gets two for the champ. This is a pretty boring match. Sheamus gets sent into the post for two.

Cody keeps working on the arm which is kind of stupid since one of Sheamus’ big moves and the easier of his big moves to hit is a kick. Now Cody goes into the post and Sheamus makes his comeback with power moves and the the shoulder block. Brogue Kick misses but he breaks up the Beautiful Disaster for a close two. He sets for the Celtic Cross but here’s Christian for the DQ at 8:37 shown of 12:07.

Rating: D+. The ending was a little better but man the ten minutes it took to get there were boring. I like both of these guys but this was a very boring match all around. The arm work was really slow and it didn’t add anything to the ending of the match as his arm wasn’t really hurt all that badly (or maybe he’s just bad at selling it) and the match just went on and on. Not horrible, but nothing interesting at all.

Video on HHH’s movie. No one cares.

Zack Ryder vs. JTG

I know I’ve been liking NXT more but I don’t want to see JTG anywhere else! Cole makes fun of JTG who wants to take over the WWE. Ryder is in the Fave Five which is currently at about 28 members. JTG takes over to start and makes fun of Ryder at the same time. Off to a chinlock and Booker has four nicknames for JTG already (and Cole makes fun of them all). Ryder starts his comeback and the Broski Boot gets two. Rough Ryder ends this at 2:56. Just a way to get Ryder on TV as his push continues.

Johnny Ace is texting someone when HHH comes up. HHH wants to know what’s up with the meetings Ace has been having. Ace says he’s behind him but HHH says it’s about trust. Future endeavors are implied.

The same video that we’ve seen a million times on the Cell airs and we run down the card.

Orton says he’s crazy and evil and isn’t afraid of Henry. He doesn’t regret hurting Orton last week.

Randy Orton vs. Christian

Feeling out process to start which is odd since they’ve spent more time with each other this summer than is healthy. A clothesline gets two for Orton but Christian hits a middle rope dropkick to take over. Spinebuster gets two and we take a break. Back with Christian having a neck crank broken so he hits a neckbreaker for two instead. Oh this is Orton’s hometown too. I forgot about that.

Orton comes back for a few seconds but Christian smacks him down (nice touch) again and keeps the advantage. Orton comes back with his usual stuff including that awesome dropkick. WWE developmental can teach a pretty awesome one of those. Orton hits that powerbomb into a neckbreaker which is a favorite of mine and it gets two. In a nice bit of psychology, Christian escapes the DDT and goes to the corner for the sunset flip out of it. Orton jumps for the RKO but Christian fakes him out. Orton counters Christian’s fake out though and gets a fast rollup for two. NICE.

Orton hits his powerslam but Christian misses a cross body. RKO is countered and Christian sets up for the spear. I’m so over the spear that I cant fathom it anymore. It hits this time but it only gets two because Christian is an average sized guy hitting a power move so it doesn’t work as well. Killswitch is countered into the elevated DDT and Orton is all fired up. Christian hits the floor and runs but Orton catches him. He sends the Canadian into the steps and stalks him long enough for the double countout at 10:56 shown of 14:26.

Rating: B-. Not exactly Over the Limit but this is a different kind of match. I did like the incorporation of older stuff into this match as it’s good psychology and stuff you rarely get to see in WWE. The ending hurts it a lot too but these two have very good chemistry together and Christian brings out the best in Orton which is hard to do.

Orton goes after Christian post match and loads up the announce table. Cody comes out to beat down Orton but Sheamus makes the save and chases Christian through the crowd. Here’s Henry and the Slam puts Orton down in just a few seconds. Henry goes to get a chair to Pillmanize him but Orton grabs an RKO out of nowhere to put Henry down and stand tall to end the show. They needed to do that before the PPV.

Overall Rating: B-. Pretty good show here as they had a lot of wrestling on it and a lot of stuff got TV time (take notes TNA). Orton getting in the RKO on Henry is a great thing as they need to give fans a reason to think Orton can beat him. I’m hoping Henry keeps the title but it’s hard to say as WWE might get nervous that a guy is actually over as a heel. Anyway good show, although they needed to add in some new matches for the PPV and they didn’t get much in that area.

Results
Mark Henry b. Great Khali – World’s Strongest Slam
Jack Swagger b. Evan Bourne – Ankle Lock
Sin Cara b. Heath Slater – Swanton Bomb
Kelly Kelly b. Natalya – Victory Roll
Sheamus b. Cody Rhodes via DQ when Christian interfered
Zack Ryder b. JTG – Rough Ryder
Randy Orton vs. Christian went to a double countout

Also like my Facebook page please so I can expand a bit more.  I’d appreciate it.

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Unforgiven 2002
Date: September 22, 2002
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is a show I forgot existed. It’s in a pretty weak time for the company as the world title had split less than three weeks before this. The main events are RVD challenging HHH and Taker challenging Brock for the Smackdown title. Other than that we have Stephanie performing Hot Lesbian Action and Benoit vs. Angle. I can’t wait to get to that Benoit and Angle so let’s get to it.

The opening video is about how cool it is to have two world title matches. Man would that voiceover chick be disappointed today.

The theme song is Adrenaline from XXX so I can’t complain there.

Un-Americans vs. Bubba Ray Dudley/Kane/Booker T/Goldust

Just an 8 man tag here to make the fans be all happy to see evil foreigners (is Dudleyville in America?) lose. I guess Spain isn’t an evil foreign country anymore. Storm and Christian are the Raw tag champs here. Goldust is the hometown boy here and he starts with Christian. Goldie cleans house and it’s off to Bubba vs. Storm. Bubba has no issues abusing some foreigners and a flapjack gets two.

Test comes in to beat on Goldie a bit so JR talks about having breakfast. Booker comes in to a big pop (he was on fire at this point) and beats up Test. Regal has about the same luck, getting caught in What’s Up. And it’s table time! I wonder what would happen if Bubba didn’t have an underling to tell to get the tables.

Booker gets beaten down again as we’re just waiting on the hot tag to Kane who is on a huge roll at this point. That shows why he’s in the opening 8 man tag I guess. How dare he get on a roll like that? Christian comes in for a chinlock but Goldust makes the save. Booker grabs the sweet spinning sunset flip out of the corner and a spinebuster for two.

Here’s Kane who looks a lot slimmer than I remember him. He destroys everything in sight like any good monster. Everything breaks down and everyone snaps off their finishers (including a Spinarooni and Shattered Dreams to Christian) and a chokeslam to Storm ends this after Kane knocks the brass knucks out of Regal’s hand.

Rating: C+. Just an 8 man tag here but the ending was fun and the fans are into things now. There’s very little you can do that will get fans going more than playing to their patriotism and this did that in droves. Wrestling fans are a very patriotic bunch and if you don’t believe me, just as the Real American.

Stephanie gives Billy and Chuck a pep talk. The idea is that if they lose, Stephanie has to make out with some chick. If they win, Eric has to kiss her….uh…..yeah you get the idea.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair

Flair beat him last month to set this up. Jericho is champion and is the heel. Flair isn’t a total mess yet and could still have a mostly watchable match at this point. In order to set this up. Flair lost to Rico on Raw. What that has to do with this is beyond me and how it makes him look like a challenger to Jericho is beyond me too but whatever. Figure Four is countered quickly and a baseball slide puts Flair down on the outside.

Missile dropkick gets two and I’ll leave it up to you to figure out who hit that. JR and Lawler are talking about how Flair has to be about ready to retire. How scary is it that Flair is still technically active while Jericho has retired for all intents and purposes? Abdominal stretch goes on but Flair escapes and turns it into a brawl, sending Jericho into the railing and then back inside. He can still do his basic stuff which is enough to keep things going well enough.

It’s time for the knee but the Figure Four is countered into a small package for two. Lionsault misses and Jericho might have jammed his knee. Jericho says he’s injured and asks Flair for mercy but of course he’s fine. He grabs the Walls and Flair has to give it up for the pretty surprising submission. A heel just won a match with a submission against a big name opponent. That’s not something I was expecting.

Rating: C-. The idea here is that Flair has lost a step which I think everyone knew coming in. That’s an old Flair trick but Flair fell for it here, which is to say he’s not thinking as much out there. Now why did we need to have a title match on PPV for that? Also, Flair actually tapped out to a move? That just doesn’t fit at all.

Bischoff tells 3 Minute Warning to win tonight for Bischoff’s sake. Rico will be in their corner tonight.

Shaq is here.

Edge vs. Eddie Guerrero

This is about respect or something. Also Edge caused Rikishi to give Eddie some Stinkfaces. Eddie runs to start and suckers Edge in to take over. And scratch that as he walks into a powerslam for two. Eddie tops that with a SWEET tornado DDT for two. He hooks on a unique submission where he’s in the position for a victory roll but hooks the arms back on the mat and works on the neck.

Belly to back gets two for Eddie and he hooks a front facelock to keep the attack on the neck. Simple psychology but it works. Eddie pounds away but Edge knocks his block off with a right hand and both guys are down. That was quite a right hand as it keeps both guys down for a count of six. A spear attempt eats corner and Eddie is all fired up. Edge gets a pair of rollups for four and a neckbreaker to put both guys down again.

Edge starts his comeback with his usual stuff but it’s a lot more crisp as he hasn’t injured his neck for the first time here so he’s a lot faster than you might be accustomed to. Eddie grabs a jawbreaker and the fans seem to be behind Edge here. Latino Heat tries a springboard rana but gets caught in a sitout powerbomb for two. Another spear misses but Edge grabs the Edgecution for two. Edge misses a missile dropkick and Eddie loosens a buckle. Eddie gets sent into said buckle and speared into the corner. They go up and Eddie hits a sunset bomb with the tights for the pin.

Rating: B. This was very fun stuff and the ending was the right move with Eddie cheating to win the match also. There are arguments to have either guy win here but Edge losing was a nice surprise and the match was excellent fast paced stuff that is probably going to be the best match of the night until Benoit vs. Angle.

HHH goes to see RVD and says Rob doesn’t have the fire in him or something. Flair is there too and gets made fun of as well. Trash talking isn’t RVD’s strong suit.

We recap 3 Minute Warning vs. Billy and Chuck. This was one of those things that only happens in wrestling and soap operas. So Billy and Chuck were going to have a “commitment ceremony” (and yes it’s exactly what it sounds like) and the justice of the peace was really old. He started talking about how this could last and said it could be three minutes. He then changed his voice and pulled his face off, revealing that it was Bischoff in a prosthetic mask. The fat guys (Jamal and Rosey) beat up Billy and Chuck after that. Stephanie did the same on Raw and the match happened as a result.

Billy and Chuck vs. 3 Minute Warning

Here they’re just Rosey and Jamal but the 3 minute idea was still around. Jamal is more famous as Umaga. The fight starts immediately and Rico kicks Chuck in the head to take over. Rosey vs. Chuck starts us off. Cole talks about all of the people that 3 Minute Warning has beaten up, calling them a who’s who of wrestling: Shawn Stasiak, D’Lo Brown, Mini-dust, lesbians, Mae Young and Moolah just to name a few. I’m not here any more. I’m over there. That blew me away.

This is the fat boys’ debut and the fans make gay chants at Rico. A middle rope moonsault misses Chuck and this isn’t an incredibly interesting match. Billy comes in and cleans house but then tries to ram the Samoans’ heads together. And people wonder why he gets made fun of. Anyway, Rosey goes up for a splash but Chuck saves….by throwing him off the top with the hopes that Billy isn’t there anymore I guess. Jamal cleans house and superkicks Chuck but walks into a Fameasser. Rico comes in for a distraction and a Samoan Drop ends Billy to set up HLA later.

Rating: D. Well this was uh…..pointless? Why did this need to happen on PPV again? The match wasn’t very good at all and was just here to set up an angle later on in the night, which I’m sure won’t have any shenanigans at all. Billy and Chuck would split very soon after this after losing in the first round of the Smackdown tag title tournament.

Bischoff is very happy and various lesbians want to kiss Stephanie. They just all happen to be young and attractive. Most lesbians I know really aren’t.

We recap HHH vs. RVD. HHH was awarded the first World Heavyweight Championship and Van Dam won a fatal fourway elimination match to get the shot.

Raw World Title: Rob Van Dam vs. HHH

HHH is clean shaven and the look isn’t really working for him. Feeling out process to start and Jerry implies RVD is high. Jerry makes more pot jokes as HHH takes over using power moves. HHH heads to the floor so RVD gets a bottle of water from somewhere and does the HHH spit. They’re still in the opening part here as it’s back and forth stuff with no one really trying anything big yet.

Van Dam uses his kicks to get two and we’re back on the mat with the headlock again. Rob tries a big dive to the floor but HHH just steps to the side and Van Dam crashes HARD, giving us our first major advantage. HHH beats on him out there a bit which gets two back in the ring. They go to the floor and RVD takes over by ramming HHH into the table. High knee gets two for the champ.

HHH goes up top and gets caught. Well he is a Flair student after all. HHH hooks up a sleeper which he was using a lot more often at this point. Van Dam gets a kick in to take over and they slug it out a bit. Modified rolling thunder gets two. Van Dam does his rolling monkey flip out of the corner and a middle rope kick out of the corner sets up Rolling Thunder for two.

Van Dam dives out to the floor and HHH is in trouble. A top rope kick (it’s that one footed dropkick that he hits all the time) gets two. Trips grabs a facebuster but down goes the referee. RVD takes him down but there’s no referee. The Pedigree is countered into a slingshot and RVD is feeling froggy. What exactly is froggy? Does he want to eat bugs? The splash hits but there’s no referee again. A low blow puts Rob down and it’s sledgehammer time. Here’s Flair, the guy HHH called old and worthless earlier…and of course he hits Rob with the hammer and a Pedigree keeps the title on HHH.

Rating: C-. It’s ok but that’s being generous. There’s just nothing going on here and the turn makes almost no sense at all. This would be the beginning of the Evolution period and it feels like the show should end here, but we’ve got well over an hour to go. That shot of HHH standing tall with Flair would be the scene for about a year and a half and it got really dull really fast.

D’Lo Brown and Kidman are in the back when a guy from the Young and the Restless comes up. Brown is a soap opera geek apparently. He wants to know if there’s something going on on the side but the actor says he’s a married man. Dawn Marie comes up and takes him away. This might be the most pointless scene in WWE history. Let that sink in for a minute.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly

It’s not Time to Rock and Roll yet and Molly is probably going to be cannon fodder to give Trish another reign. Typical Diva stuff to start with Trish being 26 and mostly awesome at this point. This is during the Molly is a Virgin thing and Jerry implies he’d like to pop her. Molly takes over and rams Trish’s head into the steps. The announcers take a chance to talk about where the show is airing, which is a giveaway that the match is just filler.

Molly puts on a chinlock and we’re running with an anchor. JR isn’t happy that Stephanie is going to have to perform HLA. Small package gets two for Trish. A bulldog out of nowhere gets two. It didn’t use the ropes though so I guess kicking out of it is ok. Chick Kick gets two. Molly hits a handspring corner smash for two. Trish gets sent into the ropes and comes off with the Rey Mysterio sitout bulldog for the pin.

Rating: D-. It doesn’t fail because Trish looks good in tight pants. This was so boring I could barely stand sitting through it. The whole division was pretty awful until it got to Trish vs. Lita every month and we added some more girls like Gail and Mickie (who really helped it). Still though, this was boring filler.

Trish is happy.

Bischoff and Rico party with the lesbians. Rico leaves with 3 Minute Warning and the girls. Weren’t they lesbians? Two of the chicks stay behind to do the stuff with Stephanie later.

We recap Angle vs. Benoit and does this really need a recap? Angle got a Stinkface and Benoit thought it was funny so Angle got mad. Another feud began. Benoit got a Stinkface thanks to Angle and the match was made.

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

The YOU SUCK chants are extra loud tonight. They go to the mat quickly after hitting the floor and you know I can’t keep up with these two. A Crossface attempt doesn’t work and it’s a standoff. Ankle lock attempt has the same result. We get an INCREDIBLE pinfall reversal sequence that ends in a Crossface attempt and Kurt hits the floor to a round of applause from the fans.

Kurt finally is like screw this and throws Benoit to the floor. Back in and Kurt hooks a body vice but Benoit grabs the leg into a submission of his own. Benoit avoids a charge and Kurt goes into the post twice. As you might expect him to do, Benoit goes right for the bad shoulder but walks into a belly to belly to break the momentum. This is a chess match as you would expect from these two. The question is how high can it get on the classic scale.

The Canadian hits some Germans on the American but the American counters the Canadian’s German to hit some American Germans on the Canadian but the Canadian counters into a German on the American but the American counters the Canadian to hit three Germans on the Canadian and everyone is down. That gets another round of applause.

Angle Slam is countered but Chris gets a release German to send Angle flying onto his face to put both guys down again. Benoit sets for the swan dive but Angle runs the corner and hits the belly to belly for two. AWESOME stuff here. Ankle lock is countered quickly and Benoit gets him into a tombstone position but drops into a shoulderbreaker. See, THAT is smart.

Swan dive hits but Benoit can’t cover immediately. Kurt kicks out so Benoit throws the Crossface on…..but Angle grabs the ankle lock WHILE HE’S STILL IN THE CROSSFACE! WOW. Ankle lock goes on but Benoit reverses into the Crossface which is reversed into the ankle lock but Benoit grabs the rope. Angle hooks a Crossface on Benoit and pushes the rope away with his foot. Benoit rolls through the Crossface and rolls Kurt up, putting his own feet on the ropes to steal the pin. He was still a tweener/heel at this point so it’s ok.

Rating: A. Oh come on it’s Benoit vs. Angle. Were you expecting anything less than this? This was a very fun match and some of the counters and thinking they were using out there was incredible, especially the ankle lock while in the Crossface. This was their usual masterpiece and somehow their match in January was even better which blows my mind every time I think about it.

Lesnar and Heyman say it’s been personal with Undertaker and it started when Taker tried to take the title from him in the first place.

Time for HLA! Fink: “Accompanied by THE LESBIANS”. And again, most lesbians do not look like this. The girls are about to kiss but Eric says he’s changed his mind. He brings out Stephanie who looks good here too. The song talking about her coming from the grime and grit takes away from it though. Bischoff implies a threesome with the two lesbians and the crowd is happy. Lawler is losing it. Stephanie has her jacket taken off and Eric says she should need a massage. The blonde goes to kiss Stephanie and Bischoff changes his mind again, sending the girls to the back.

Stephanie has to stay because Bischoff has a special lesbian in mind. He brings out “the fattest, ugliest, most repulsive I could find.” Lawler: “Not Rosie!” Ok point for a funny line. Here’s the chick and yeah it’s Rikishi in drag. You know, because Bischoff is so blind that he just didn’t notice right? The announcers don’t recognize him because good people in wrestling are idiots. Her name is Hildegard. I give up. She’s been in prison too. Can we just get to Bischoff’s Stinkface already?

By the way, this is what we mean when we say insulting to the fans’ intelligence. Stephanie kisses him hard and Bischoff freaks. Superkick to Bischoff and the makeup/prostheics/wig come off. There’s the Stinkface and oh good night he’s wearing a bra. We got Benoit vs. Angle cut off for this? Tell me, who finds this kind of stuff funny or witty? So let me get this straight: either Stephanie planned ALL of this (and to say that requires a lot of stretching is an understatement) or Bischoff is the stupidest man of all time. I’m going with somewhere in the middle.

Brock vs. Taker gets the music video treatment. Taker is Brock’s first challenger after Brock took the title from The Rock at Summerslam. Taker’s wife (Sara, not Michelle) got involved and Brock stalked her to make this personal. This included the worst chair shot ever as the chair might have come within a foot of Taker’s head It looked awful. The point of the video is Brock destroys legends and Taker has been around for ten years (12 at this point but with a company that put on that previous segment, counting might be a bit much to ask). At least the song is catchy.

Smackdown World Title: Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock goes right up to Taker and Taker shoves him back. They exchange power displays to start and Taker wins early. Brock is hot on the floor after a headlock gets broken. They have a lot of time here. Taker busts out an armdrag of all things and they keep up their power match. Old School puts Brock down and Taker kicks Heyman off the apron, but it lets Brock get in a shot to shift momentum again. Not much to see here so far.

The champ hammers on the ribs and does it for awhile. Taker is wearing white socks which kind of takes away the intimidation factor. Powerslam gets two. It’s nice to see a power guy hitting a powerslam for a change. Brock puts on a waistlock and for some reason Taker tries it take it to the mat. Taker can’t get out of it and Brock is totally cool with having it be a wrestling match instead of a fight.

Taker sends him to the floor and starts hammering away and a right hand sends Brock outside. They head to the floor and Heyman distracts the referee so Lesnar can hit Taker with the belt. Taker is bleeding. Back inside, Taker fires back with the clothesline/splash in the corner. Heyman: “WATCH OUT!!!” Chokeslam is broken up but a big boot gets two. Snake Eyes set up another big boot for two.

There goes the referee because what would a main event be without a ref bump? Chokeslam hits but, say it with me, there’s no referee. Here’s Matt Hardy to jump Taker (he was working for Brock or against Taker or something at this point. Not that it’s explained or anything) and he takes a Last Ride. Spinebuster gets two for Brock as does a DDT for the challenger.

Tombstone is loaded up but Brock escapes and the referee goes down again. Heyman sends in a chair but Taker kicks Brock in the face to make him drop the chair. Brock gets his head caved in and the chair looked diseased. Brock is busted now and the referee is up now. Taker drops a leg for two and a big pop. Last Ride is countered as is the F5. They slug it out and the referee gets caught in the middle….and it’s a double DQ. Oh my goodness the fans aren’t happy.

Rating: D+. The ending crippled this as the fans were fired up by the match and then the ending crippled it. Taker allegedly didn’t want to job to Brock so he had to job to him at the next PPV inside the Cell in one of the most bloody and gruesome matches in there. This wasn’t horrible but man that ending sucked. Have Heyman cheat to win or something like that but dude, not that ending.

Post match they fight up the aisle and Brock is thrown through the Unforgiven sign to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Well Angle vs. Benoit is excellent and Edge vs. Guerrero is very good. That alone makes it a worthwhile show but other than that, there isn’t much to see. Nothing is all that horrible but the HLA stuff is dumb and the ending to the main event sucked. Good show overall but the ending huts it a lot.

We don’t have much to work with this time as there haven’t been a lot of matches announced.  Here’s what I’ve got for the main events though.I’ll hope Henry gets the win over Orton as it’ll keep him in this roll he’s on.  We haven’t had a true monster heel in forever and a win over Orton is a great way to get him going.  It’ll be a nice touch as faces control the title way too often.

Cena probably retains but I have very little confidence there.  Punk or Del Rio would be the best choice but I see very little reason for this to be in the cage.  A regular match would be fine and the Cell being 2 weeks after NOC isn’t going to pop buyrates like they think.

Also Beth to get the title, Air Boom to keep the tag titles (assuming it happens) and Christian to steal a win over Sheamus.

Your picks?

NXT
Date: September 27, 2011
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Jack Korpela, William Regal

Another week here and after the last two weeks I’m assuming that it’s time for the Usos to face JTG and Young in what Gorilla Monsoon would call a main event in any arena in the country except the one we’re in now where it’s a filler match 2 spots down on the card because it’s a pair of teams that not many people care about. Also I’m sure Maxine and Bateman will try to further the split of Horny and AJ because….because….because that’s what bad people on an internet wrestling show do. Let’s get to it.

JTG and Young open the show and I still want to hurt JTG. Regal: “You know I absolutely hate him.” Young calls JTG a tag team specialist and they go over their tag team success here. They talk about winning NXT and then the tag titles but the Usos interrupt. They actually get to talk and no one seems that interested. We get clips of both Uso attacks after the wins by Team Annoying. The Usos talk about the Samoan heritage and how great at tag team stuff the Samoans are. Fan: “SHAD WAS BETTER!” JTG says the Samoans were a joke and gets chased to the floor. The tag match is mentioned.

Yoshi Tatsu vs. Jinder Mahal

Yep it’s officially the minor league show and not about a competition anymore. Yoshi’s music doesn’t really fit with the new look. Regal says he was at Mahal’s christening 25 years ago and was rivals with Mahal’s dad. We hear about how Yoshi was squashed by Mahal about two months ago and got some teeth knocked out in the process. I remember that match and if this isn’t better than that one, that says a lot.

Yoshi takes over with a headlock but a suplex gets Mahal out of trouble. A chinlock eats up a few seconds and Mahal takes over. Korpela: “What would your strategy be if you were Yoshi?” Regal: “Win the match.” You can’t buy this kind of analysis people. Regal follows that up by talking about Mahal’s uncle, the Indian Karaoke Champion: Getupta Singh. Back to the chinlock. A kick by Yoshi gets two. The Indian hits a Samoan on the Japanese but it gets reversed into a crucifix for two.

They go up to the corner and Yoshi blocks a superplex. Tatsu tries a dive as Regal talks about how you have to be a special kind of man to headbutt someone. Yes you do, but it takes a more special man to Coco Butt someone. As Yoshi is getting up he gets caught in the full nelson slam for the pin at 6:07.

Rating: C-. Not too bad but I feel sorry for Mahal. He was getting a fairly decent push on Smackdown or at least the opening stages of one and then that just kind of stopped. That’s another case of someone getting some kind of momentum and then the writers getting bored with him and so much for that. The match wasn’t bad but it’s nothing I’ll remember tomorrow.

Video on the Cell.

And now from that to something completely different as Horny is looking for AJ and has a note for her. Maxine tries to tell him that AJ is with Titus but Horny shushes her. Horny finds Titus and AJ (score one for Maxine) and the note (read by Titus for some reason) is a very poetic letter (it talks about being a boat tethered in a storm and stuff like that), basically saying that Horny is leaving NXT for Smackdown. AJ is sad but uh…isn’t she on Smackdown too? Horny leaves all sad and AJ points out just that: she’s on Smackdown too. I believe that officially eliminates all the remaining Pros.

Percy Watson vs. Tyson Kidd

Regal talks about how Punk winning would mean he has no more worlds left to conquer because he’d be WWE Champion. My face actually scrunched up and I looked up from my computer in a state of confusion over that one. Kidd speeds things up to start but Watson (much better without the glasses and OH YEAH) hits a dropkick for two. Korpela says everyone is talking about Watson’s vertical leap. Today I talked about how the Monopoly game is back at McDonald’s which means the McRib is back soon, but that’s just me.

Back in after a quick bit on the floor and Tyson hooks a chinlock. He shouts to the crowd and they don’t shout back. A belly to back breaks the hold up and both guys are down. Watson hits another dropkick and a clothesline in the corner. A spinning splash gets two as Regal makes fun of JTG a little more. Kidd hits something like a spinning neckbreaker that has a long name including the word moss that I don’t feel like typing and a springboard elbow for the pin at 4:12.

Rating: C. Kidd is getting better and better every week and thankfully he’s regularly appearing on Smackdown because of it. However, I’d like to see him doing something more than just appearing on NXT beating up random former NXT rejects. They need to just turn this into its own independent show and make an NXT Champion already so Kidd can challenge for it.

Mahal says not to talk about Khali because he’s the only one that matters. Most of this isn’t in English so it’s hard to really get what’s going on. I think he says eat more chicken. His eyes are all freaky looking. Tonight he’s returning to greatness.

Usos vs. JTG/Darren Young

Why does no one jump the Usos during that dance thing they do? I mean….it wouldn’t be that hard. JTG vs. let’s say Jimmy (like I can tell them apart) to start us off. I was watching the 88 Great American Bash and turned off Fantastics vs. Midnight Express for this. I have a feeling this isn’t going to be as good. Jimmy hits a northern lights suplex as we’re told that JTG never won a tag title despite being in a (not named) popular tag team.

Korpela talks about how there’s still a competition and says it’s about being the next break out star. There’s no mention of being on Season Six now. I think my blood pressure just dropped down to healthy. I think that’s Jimmy getting beaten down but I don’t particularly care enough to remember which has the chest tattoo. Hot tag brings in Jey who kicks and punches a lot. Young manages to grab a belly to back to Jimmy (I had them wrong) on the apron to shift momentum as we take a break.

Back with JTG coming in to pound on I guess Jimmy. After a long chinlock, Jey breaks up a cover and it’s off to Young. Regal explains the point of the rapid covers that don’t work as he says Young knows it’s not going to get a pin but it’ll drain Jimmy a lot. See, THAT is what an analyst is there for. He knows what he’s talking about because he’s been in there. It’s a lot better than saying someone is in the Fave Five which has about 27 people per week.

Jimmy’s back is worked on and Young sends him into the corner for two. Has anyone ever been pinned off an Irish Whip? Young slaps away at the back and hits a chinlock again, this time with the knee in the back. Maybe he did learn something in Nexus. Regal talks about how Young is working on the back. Korpela: “Good point.” Regal: “I know.” Jimmy breaks up the chinlock but JTG gets a tag to break it up again.

To my great surprise, this hasn’t been a very bad tag match. It’s amazing what random guys can do when they’re thrown out there and allowed some time to develop and get experience isn’t it? Jimmy sends JTG flying with something called an Alley-Us (I’d call it a flip but what do I know?). Either way it gets the tag in to Jey and the lower half of the house is cleaned. He hits the running Umaga smash to the face in the corner which Korpela says is shades of Rikishi and a double superkick sets up the superfly splash to Young for the pin at 11:23.

Rating: B-. I don’t know if it was the total lack of anticipation or expectations, but this was a pretty good match. The hot tag was obvious, but they built it up the whole time and with Regal talking about how good the back work was, I was getting into it a little bit at the end. Keep in mind that this was Usos vs. JTG/Darren Young and you’ll get why that’s a lot harder than it would be in most matches.

Post match the Usos celebrate but Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins run in for an attack. Again, that is almost territory style as you bring in whatever random talent you can find for a quick feud/program with someone else after another program is over.

Overall Rating: C+. I liked this tonight because they got a step closer to making this the C show instead of the competition nonsense. Also it means no more Hornswoggle at least here which means maybe that story is over. AJ’s reaction to it made me chuckle too. When you look at this show, there’s the makings of some decent stuff, especially if they gave up on the competition and just let it be its own thing. Not bad here as it gets closer to dropping the NXT nonsense.

Results
Jinder Mahal b. Yoshi Tatsu – Full Nelson Slam
Tyson Kidd b. Percy Watson – Springboard Elbow
Usos b. Darren Young/JTG – Top rope splash to Young

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 26, 2011
Location: Sprint Center, Kansas City, Missouri
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Booker T

Since we’re 8 days removed from Night of Champions and the WWE is stupid, this is the last Raw before Hell in a Cell. The main event is already set so I’d expect a lot of stuff being added in to fill up the midcard tonight. Also we should probably get some more on the firings of R-Truth and Miz tonight as we got some advancement in the whole big story last week. Let’s get to it.

Booker is in on commentary instead of Jerry due to Henry’s attack last week.

The Cell is hanging above the ring.

Alberto vs. Punk in the main event tonight.

Here’s HHH to open things up to a big ovation. He wants to explain the firings last week. The firings were due to this, and we throw it to a video about Truth and Miz freaking out post Night of Champions and about the events of the PPV and last week. After the video HHH says he didn’t buy the apology but he used them for one more main event then fired them. The fine however will still be paid but by Mark Henry for his attacks last week.

HHH says no one is bigger than the WWE and he’ll always do what is right for the company…and here are Vickie and Dolph. Dolph complains about getting his jaw broken by Hugh Jackman and the headlines on news sites because of it. He wants to know what HHH plans to do about it. HHH takes some not so subtle shots at Dolph and offers Dolph security for when the Muppets are here next month.

Cue Cody Rhodes who complains about Orton hitting him with the bell in the head and needing 9 staples to close it. Why wasn’t Orton fired or fined? HHH talks about how a few years ago Orton attacked his wife while HHH was handcuffed (nice touch by pointing out that Rhodes was there helping) and then he beat up Orton on Orton’s front line. Rhodes needs to man up. This draws out Christian who says HE was wronged the most by Sheamus for throwing him back into the ring against Henry. “It was a lumberjack match idiot.”

Christian threatens a huge lawsuit but won’t do it for the sake of one more match. That’s what Christian will get. At HIAC he’s getting one more match, but it’s against Sheamus. This Friday Christian gets one more match against Randy Orton. Tonight Christian gets one more match against John Cena. “Is it for the title?” “No.” Christian freaks out and leaves.

Ziggler yells some more and is told he has to defend the US Title tonight against Ryder. HHH says WOO WOO WOO You Know It. Cody is the last one in the ring and HHH gives him the night off. Cody says give yourself the night off. HHH doesn’t like this and says Cody is defending tonight. Every time Cody complains the match is upgraded. It goes from a triple threat to a fatal fourway to a ten man battle royal in about 15 seconds. The battle royal is up next. Cool.

Intercontinental Title: Battle Royal

Cody Rhodes, John Morrison, Ezekiel Jackson, Drew McIntyre, Sin Cara, Ted DiBiase, Alex Riley, Daniel Bryan, Sheamus, Justin Gabriel

Cara gets an entrance and it’s the original blonde. Good pop for Sheamus and those are the only two who get entrances. Cody hits the floor quickly and Drew is beaten down and tossed in about 15 seconds. The other Sin Car comes in and takes the original’s place. Bryan tosses him a second later so we’re down to 8 in less than a minute. The original hits a rana off the steps to the fake one but isn’t allowed to go back in.

Cody is back in the ring now and Ted is all over him. Gabriel skins the cat and pulls Riley to the apron with him. Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick but takes Riley out anyway. A double axe puts Gabriel out and we’re down to six. Make that four as Jackson throws out Bryan and Morrison in a double backdrop. Sheamus and Jackson (Legacy are the other two remaining guys) go at it in the big brawl and Jackson is beaten down quickly.

Ted tries to sneak in with Dream Street but gets put on the top rope and knocked out. Beautiful Disaster puts down Sheamus but Jackson throws Rhodes….to the apron. Jackson charges like an idiot and is tossed to get us down to Rhodes vs. Sheamus. Sheamus gets ready for the Cross but Christian comes out for the distraction. Cody can’t toss Sheamus in the distraction though so Sheamus tries a Brogue Kick and gets caught on the apron. Cody takes the mask off but Sheamus gets a shot in to block it. Christian distracts him though and a mask shot ends Sheamus at 4:34 for Cody to retain.

Rating: D+. Battle royals are hard to grade but this was pretty weak. They had some drama at the end which helped but people went out so fast that it was hard to get into it. With a person going out about every 30 seconds there’s only so much you can do as far as getting into this. Not a very good match and not very interesting.

Christian rams Sheamus’ arm into the post and yells a lot.

We get a clip of Henry beating Jerry down last week.

David Otunga says that he’s got a law degree (and he has the bowtie to prove it) and Johnny Ace says maybe he should do something about the safety of people.

Video on Kelly Kelly.

Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres vs. Natalya/Beth Phoenix

Eve has changed her hair and it’s not working for me as bangs are never my thing. Beth and Eve get us started but it’s off to Natalya quickly who interlocks her legs with Eve’s and rolls her over so that their legs are both up in the air and it’s torquing her back and neck. That looks awesome. Back to Beth and off to Kelly who does her usual stuff including a spank and the screaming headscissors. Eve misses a charge but Kelly throws Natalya out anyway. Beth gets the Glam Slam and we’re done at 3:17.

Rating: D. Ok so let’s see. It’s taken us two PPVs and two Raw matches to get us to the point where we all knew it was going eventually: Beth beats up Kelly and pins her with the Glam Slam. Is there any reason it took us this long? I’m guessing Kelly somehow blames Eve because Kelly is the special angel that can’t do anything wrong or whatever so Eve has to turn out of it. Bad match but that’s expected.

Mark Henry vs. Great Khali

Khali only weighs 350lbs now. Before the match Henry hits Khali in the head with the world title and hits him with the Slam. Henry yells a lot and leaves while only sweating a few buckets, which is normal for him. No match.

Here’s Cena to get into the Cell which is halfway lowered. The fans pop big for Cena holding up the title. He talks about this Sunday and it’s going to be the first triple threat ever in the Cell. Cena talks about how this Sunday he’s going to use the Cell as a problem solver to prove he’s the best. He plays up the brutality of the match and says he doesn’t lose it Sunday.

This brings out Alberto as well as Punk in a sports coat for commentary on the next match.

John Cena vs. Christian

Yes we have 5 people on commentary tonight. Christian is launched into the ceiling quickly and Punk argues with Alberto almost immediately. Alberto yells and Punk says Alberto is half undressed. Christian takes over with high impact stuff but misses a swan dive. Cena fires off the shoulders but the Proto Bomb is countered. Killswitch doesn’t work either and there’s the Bomb. There’s the Shuffle but Christian runs before the AA can hit. They go to the floor and onto the table where Alberto jumps Punk. Christian gets a shot in on Cena but runs into the AA. And here’s Alberto for the DQ at 3:20.

Rating: C-. The stuff we got was ok but this was barely enough to grade. I don’t get how this really pushes forward the match but maybe they should have more than 13 days to promote the thing? That would make sense though so we’ll have to throw that explanation out the window. Not much to see here.

US Title: Zack Ryder vs. Dolph Ziggler

If this actually happens….I can’t say I’d really be complaining. Before the match we get a recap of last week’s Jackman stuff. Ziggler goes right at him and Ryder is in trouble. Swagger is at ringside too. A splash in the corner misses for Dolph and his head cracks the buckle. Ryder pounds him down and does the Woo Woo Woo kick in the corner. Vickie is on the apron and the Rough Ryder misses. Swagger clotheslines Ryder on the ropes and the Zig Zag keeps the title on Ziggler at 2:03.

Post match the Vickie Family tries to beat Ryder down but Air Boom’s pyro messes up and they run out for the save. Teddy Long comes out and makes a six man. Vickie has until after the commercial to find a third man. If she can’t, it’s a handicap match.

Air Boom/Zack Ryder vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger

There’s no third man nor Vickie when we come back so it’s 3-2. Swagger vs. Kofi to get us going and Kofi takes over quickly. Off to Bourne who doesn’t do as well because he’s Evan Bourne and it’s his job to be destroyed a lot. Swagger goes way old school and hooks on the Rings of Saturn. Kofi comes in off a hot tag and hits a cross body which isn’t nearly as good as most of his usual ones.

He does the jumping ten punches in the corner to Swagger and Vickie comes back with Mason Ryan with longer hair. Do was have a Vickie Family now? The African escapes a German from the All-American and brings in Ryder. Ryder gets to meet Ryan….who beats up Swagger instead and tags in Ziggler by slamming him into the ring. A spinning release Rock Bottom leaves Ziggler dead and the Rough Ryder pins Ziggler at 6:31.

Rating: C-. Pretty weak match but the ending was a good thing as we have a reason for a third match now, possibly at the PPV. Ryder has a chance to get a big push and this might be the right time to do it. Air Boom is getting some traction and that’s what they need to do at this point. Pretty boring match and it’s pretty clear that they weren’t all that into it out there.

Video on the Cell which we saw last week.

We run down the PPV card and Kelly defends against Beth again. JR: “Beth finally gets her opportunity.” I’m leaving that one alone.

Otunga talks to Christian, Vickie, Dolph and Cody about a lawsuit and says it’s important they’re all together in this.

Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk

Cena is out for commentary. CM pounds him down quickly and we head to the floor. Punk throws Del Rio in Cena’s direction and Johnny isn’t thrilled with it. Back inside Alberto takes Punk’s head off with a kick to take over. This is more of a brawl than a match. Punk pounds him down in the corner and then fires off the knee lifts. Del Rio lands an enziguri to send Punk to the floor and we take a break.

Back with Del Rio escaping the GTS and getting two on a DDT. A kick to the head gets two and it’s time for arm work. Punk’s arm goes into the post and a dropkick gets two. Del Rio is sent to the floor and Ricardo freaks. Back in a big kick misses for Punk and Del Rio stuns the arm. It’s good that he’s showing psychology here which is something you rarely miss with Del Rio. That’s such a nice breath of air.

They slug it out and Punk sells the arm by shaking it a bit. A leg lariat/kick to the face takes Del Rio down and there’s the knee/bulldog combination but the bulldog is countered. A Codebreaker to the arm gets two and Alberto is fired up. Punk fires off some kicks and that’s enough for the pin (yes, a non-finisher got a pin) at 12:02.

Rating: C. Not bad here and the ending is a nice touch here but I’m not entirely sure what the point of it was. I mean…Del Rio looks totally weak here which means he’s probably going to win the title back on Sunday because that’s how WWE rolls. Nothing impressive here but it could have been a lot worse I guess.

The Cell lowers and Ricardo is trapped inside with all three of them. He takes both finishers and the Super Best Friends escape finishers before Del Rio smacks them both with a chair and lays them out.

Overall Rating: D+. I wasn’t feeling this one at all. Two weeks is not enough time to set up a PPV and that’s all there is to it. I mean there’s nothing else to say about it and the build for this Sunday’s show proves it. The show doesn’t feel developed at all and it’s like “hey let’s just throw everyone into the Cell and hope for the best.” The match should be ok but there’s no reason for this to be in the cage. Tonight’s show felt like it was trying to piece together a PPV using glue and paperclips and that’s not something I’d ever pay $45 to see. Weak Raw and a horrible buildup show.

Results
Cody Rhodes won a battle royal last eliminating Sheamus
Natlya/Beth Phoenix b. Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres – Glam Slam to Kelly Kelly
John Cena b. Christian via disqualification when Alberto Del Rio interfered
Dolph Ziggler b. Zach Ryder – Zig Zag
Air Boom/Zack Ryder b. Jack Swagger/Dolph Ziggler/Mason Ryan – Rough Ryder to Ziggler
CM Punk b. Alberto Del Rio – High Kick

Smackdown
Date: September 23, 2011
Location: Wright State University Nutter Center, Dayton, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

We’re in the Mark Henry Era here on Smackdown which is still weird to hear. It’s 9 days before Hell in a Cell which is still stupid to hear as we’re five days past the previous PPV. Orton has already said he’s cashing in his rematch in the Cell which is a stretch but it’s the only match they have given the circumstances. There isn’t much else to say about this show so let’s get to it.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is rain when you’re supposed to be having a vacation.

We open with everyone at ringside and Johnny Ace in the ring, drawing a lot of boos. HHH isn’t here tonight so he’s brought out everyone to talk about the issues HHH has caused. He mentions the firings and says that he’s changed his mind and HHH hasn’t lost control. On Monday he saw determination in HHH’s eyes so everything is cool. HHH will be here later.

Ace brings out Henry. Henry says it took him 15 years to win the title and he’s not going to lose it for 15 more years. He calls out various people for not believing in him and here’s HHH. Nice to see that they let Ace have a full assembly since HHH was five minutes late. Henry won’t shake HHH’s hand. Well to be fair he has the mic in one hand and the belt in the other. He does hand the boss the mic though.

Before the Game can say anything, here’s Christian to interrupt. I guess he brought his own mic. He sucks up to HHH and says he appreciates how Smackdown has been treated. Christian talks about how he’s more marketable than Henry. He asks if you can picture Henry’s face on a box of cereal. I’d eat that. Christian asks for one more match and says you know who is going to choke in his match.

HHH talks about how he’s in charge in a scary calm voice. Later on tonight there’s going to be a lumberjack match with Christian vs. You Know Who (Voldermort?), presumably for the title with the winner facing Orton at Hell in a Cell. Shouldn’t that be the other way around? Why does the champion have to qualify for the title match at the PPV? HHH leaves and Henry gets in Christian’s face, sending the Canadian scampering.

Sheamus vs. Heath Slater

Cole calls it Ronald McDonald vs. the girl from Wendy’s. My money is on the Burger King in a run-in. Sheamus pounds him down and hits those forearms to the chest in the ropes to a nice reaction. Slater fires back with a neckbreaker for two and pounds away a bit. He slaps Sheamus in the back of the head and I’ll give you two guesses as to what happens next. Powerslam, top rope shoulder, Brogue Kick, 4:32.

Rating: C. Just a squash here but Slater’s selling made up for some of the boring factors of it. Sheamus might be the next challenger for Henry which could be interesting as the big brawls they have haven’t had a clean winner either time so it might be worth watching. Slater is officially a jobber to the stars and that’s what he’s best at.

Christian tries to get Khali’s help in the title match later. After a big rant about how Khali would want to face a small person, Khali’s response is “you are small.”

Wade Barrett vs. Justin Gabriel

Booker calls Barrett a British nobleman and a former bare knuckle pugilist. Barrett beats Gabriel down quickly and the fans are almost silent. Gabriel avoids and shot and we head to the floor with Gabriel hitting a pretty sweet front flip dive over the top to take out Barrett. The kicks take Barrett down but he breaks up the 450 and Wasteland ends this at 2:32. That wasn’t quite a squash but it was a pretty quick pin for Barrett.

Orton vs. Rhodes tonight….again.

Orton says he doesn’t want to comment about Rhodes. He talks about where he’s in 9 days and when he comes back, he’ll have the World Heavyweight Championship.

Video on how evil the Cell is.

Christian tries to recruit Big Zeke and insults him. Just like with Khali, Christian leaves thinking he has a partner.

Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. AJ/Kaitlyn

I forgot how good looking Kaitlyn can be. She starts with Nattie and this goes badly for Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn gets in a shot to Beth and brings in AJ who does a bit better. Shining Wizard gets two and everything breaks down. Beth is against someone not named Kelly though so the Glam Slam ends this at 2:04. More or less just a squash.

Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton

Cody is sent to the floor quickly by a fired up Orton. Orton has a bad left knee but because he’s intelligent, he doesn’t tape it up. Cody goes after it anyway so it wasn’t successful but he tried at least. The knee goes around the post and Rhodes unhooks a buckle. Using the distraction Cody gets in a shot to the head with the mask for two. Orton clocks him with the mask at 3:28 for a DQ, even though it’s been established that the mask is legal.

Rating: C-. Not much to say here as the whole point was for the beatdown that’s coming post match but probably will be edited out. More on that in a minute. The psychology here at least made sense as Rhodes went after the injured body part. It sounds simple but how many people just don’t get that idea? Anyway this was too short to mean much but it wasn’t bad while it lasted.

Post match Orton goes crazy and beats down Cody with his usual stuff. Now what you won’t see is the ending of this beating. Orton pounded away on Cody with the mask and whatever else he could find. He hit Rhodes with the bell, and this was the result:

http://i52.tinypic.com/2mnorj9.jpg

From a friend that was at the show, that was hardway and the announce table was covered in blood.

Christian offers Sheamus a potato because he’s Irish. It’s a peace offering for Sheamus to help him later in the show. Christian offers him the first shot and Sheamus says Christian can count on him. Christian leaves and Sheamus bites into the potato and spits it out, saying it’s from Idaho and not Ireland.

Great Khali vs. Jinder Mahal

Khali has the happy music back and gets a decent pop on his entrance. Mahal says lay down and Khali shakes his head no. The Plunge doesn’t work and Mahal gets a DDT to take over. Khali fights back with clotheslines and the Plunge ends this at 2:05. This wasn’t much.

Sin Cara vs. Daniel Bryan

This one has blonde hair so he’s the real one. When they’re near each other, the easiest way to tell is the fake one is taller. They shake hands so it’s pretty clear that he’s a good guy. We talk about how Bryan has fallen off a bit since winning MITB. He grabs a surfboard but Cara makes the rope. An enziguri puts Bryan down and Booker talks about how Cara has black marks on his boots. Josh says Booker said the same thing about the other one last week so Booker is a little confused.

Cara tries a Tajiri elbow and it looks like it’s edited for a botch. Out to the floor with Cara hitting a rana off the apron to send Bryan into the steps. Back in and Cara goes up but is shoved off by…Sin Cara. The impostor kicks Bryan in the head and hits a bit Swanton Bomb for the pin at 3:00. That one had more torque on it than any one Jeff Hardy has done in years.

Rating: C+. The match wasn’t anything great but some of Cara’s high spots were cool, especially the swanton which was really cool looking. I’m still not sure where Bryan is supposed to go after all this but maybe a heel turn or something is coming up for him. I don’t think he’s holding the case until Mania but it’s a nice thing for a possibility.

Christian knocks on Orton’s door and Ryder comes out. The Canadian tries to recruit Ryder but he says it would be a conflict of interest. Ryder’s phone rings and it’s Hugh Jackman. Orton is in on…something. Christian leaves without knocking again.

Air Boom vs. Usos

Bourne starts with Jey (he has the chest tattoo) but it’s off to Jimmy who hits a spinning Rock Bottom for two. Booker talks about being in Harlem Heat and Bourne gets beaten down as is his custom. Kofi gets the hot tag and hits the top rope chop but Jimmy sends him into the corner. The cross body hits and it’s Trouble in Paradise time. Jey breaks it up, letting Jimmy hit a superkick to put Kofi down. Trouble in Paradise sets up Air Bourne for the pin at 3:30.

Rating: C+. It’s hard to argue with a pair of high fliers against some Samoans. That’s old school style and it worked fine here. Air Boom is getting some traction and I’m hoping they have a lengthy reign with them. I like the speed teams like them and as odd as it sounds, having a name has helped them a lot. Fun little match and I still don’t get how Kofi can jump that high.

Raw ReBound eats up about three minutes and it’s only about Ryder/Jackman/Ziggler.

Smackdown World Title: Christian vs. Mark Henry

This is a lumberjack match for no apparent reason. At least two of the NXT rookies are at ringside plus Watson. Make that all three of them are there. Henry looks sad during Big Match Intros. The bell rings after a break and Christian wants to run but doesn’t want to run at O’Neil, Kingston and Bryan. Christian can’t do anything with Henry so Mark throws him to the floor. Big Zeke says for everyone to stay back then knees Christian in the ribs.

Henry throws Christian into the air like on a backdrop but lets Christian crash down. Off to the nerve hold and then a bear hug. Christian pounds away with all of the offense he can get in, culminating in a middle rope dropkick to put Henry down. He shoves Christian off with ease and Christian is scared. Killswitch is broken up and Christian tries the sunset flip out of the corner but Henry drops down, only to hit mat. They head to the floor and Henry shoves all the faces around when they jump on him. Christian tries to run but Sheamus pops up to throw him back in for the World’s Strongest Slam to end things at 6:19.

Rating: C+. I know I’ve used that grade a lot tonight but this was the kind of win Henry needed: Christian isn’t losing anything here and Henry looks dominant going into the Cell with his first successful title defense. I have no idea what the point of the lumberjacks were here and Sheamus tossing him back in could have worked fine in a regular match. Good logic here though.

Post match Orton comes out to fight Henry and dropkicks him to the floor to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. With eight matches on a show and nothing being bad plus almost everything having a purpose, it’s hard to say this wasn’t at least a good show. It’s not a great show or anything but for a period where almost everything is a transitional show towards the HIAC PPV, that’s all you can do really. This was a good show, but having two weeks to set up a PPV is way too short, especially with not a ton of time to set up the last one.

Results
Sheamus b. Heath Slater – Brogue Kick
Wade Barrett b. Justin Gabriel – Wasteland
Beth Phoenix/Natalya b. AJ/Kaitlyn – Glam Slam to AJ
Cody Rhodes b. Randy Orton via DQ when Orton hit Rhodes with the mask
Great Khali b. Jinder Mahal – Punjabi Plunge
Sin Cara b. Daniel Bryan – Swanton Bomb
Air Boom b. The Usos – Air Bourne to Jey
Mark Henry b. Christian – World’s Strongest Slam

These guys have been around for years but are really becoming a problem as of late. Let’s go back to the past for a bit here because I like doing that. Back in the late 80s, there was one authority figure in the WWF and his name was Jack Tunney. You young whippersnappers might have heard of him and if you ever see him I’d recommend a pillow on standby. He was an old man that occasionally gave a speech from his office about something or other and even on occasion came to the ring. He was a suit but he was THE suit. No one questioned him and arguing with him was usually a waste of time. In short, he was the boss.

Flashing forward (and I’ll be skipping some of the names in here due to a lot of them being pretty worthless) we had Gorilla Monsoon who was a very popular old commentator who was the voice of the WWF in his day. He became commissioner after retiring because Vince guaranteed him lifetime employment and he needed something to do. He didn’t do much, but he was an intimidating presence and a guy that was almost universally loved.

Then it starts to go downhill for a little while.

We got Commissioner Slaughter who might have been more worthless than a jobber in a squash match. Slaughter was pushed around and often beaten up by various people with no one really taking him seriously at all. He was around for the Shawn Michaels DX days and that’s about all he did: fight DX, with a win/loss record that would make him jealous of the Brooklyn Brawler. The next authority figure was a little more successful and realistic.

Around this time, Vince McMahon was revealed to be the real life owner of the company in an angle about Jim Ross of all people. Vince began feuding with Austin over what Vince and Austin thought should be the image of the champion and therefore the company, moving into a two year long rivalry that launched the company to undreamed of heights. Along the way, there was still a Commissioner, but it was Shawn Michaels. HBK had the job for about two years and didn’t do much. Then we got into the more active ones, such as Foley and Regal.

Also during this time, various McMahons and McMahon spouses (HHH) had and lost power with people stepping down from power and people winning control of the company in matches and all that jazz. This is where you can start seeing the problems that would plague the company and was really hurting WCW at the time (among other things) but we’ll get to that in a minute.

After that, the Brand Split happened and each show had an owner (Ric Flair on Raw, Vince on Smackdown) and then a GM. Smackdown started off with a lot of changes at GM, ranging from Stephanie to Paul Heyman to Kurt Angle to Teddy Long to Vickie and now back to Teddy. Raw has been a little more insane. Eric Bischoff held the job for about three and a half years and since then (December of 2005), there have been 8 GMs.

That brings us to today with HHH as the COO and Johnny Ace as the suit that runs around doing whatever. We’ll come back to this at the end.

I promise there’s going to be a point to this in the end.

Let’s take a look at WCW for an example of what NOT to do. Back in the early days, there wasn’t really any boss figure. The matches just kind of happened and someone booked them but it wasn’t really thought of. Then WCW came up with the stupidest of all their boss related ideas (up to that point): they had the REAL bosses of the company appear on TV as the bosses. In other words, actual business executives playing business executives. If you think about this, you can instantly see the problem: these guys have no idea how to act in front of a camera. We have no idea who they are and we don’t care about them, so why should they be on TV? Because WCW is stupid, that’s why.

So after having Nick Bockwinkle for Commissioner for a few years (despite having no connection to WCW after having been in the AWA for years and years and years), we had no boss for awhile until we got to the NWO era, which is where things got smart again. Eric Bischoff, the actual boss, was made into the on-screen boss. For people like him and Vince or in the present HHH, this is smart as they know how to be on TV and act like a TV person. It makes sense and the fans are going to react better. Also it helps knowing they could actually fire someone and aren’t just an actor.

Anyway, things go downhill after that as the Commissionership, the CEO spot and President of WCW become more or less titles which could be defended and won or lost in matches. This became a real problem as they would change almost month to month and no one had any idea who was in charge half of the time. Also at the end of the day, people stopped caring because everyone made matches anyway. Towards the end you had Russo and Bischoff plus others that were in the spots I just mentioned, making something like 3-5 bosses at once. That takes us to TNA, which is easier to talk about as it’s been around for less time and has had fewer bosses for the most part.

Before there was just TNA and it’s management which like WCW’s old days was some unseen force that made things happened. That’s perfectly fine. Jim Cornette was made the representative of TNA management in 2006 and held the job on and off for about three years. Jeff Jarrett and Dixie Carter had some authority in there for the most part too, Dixie being on screen rarely.

Now we get to modern TNA, which shows the problem for the most part. At the moment, Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, Karen Angle and the Network are allowed to make matches. That’s four total (three for the main roster) matchmakers. Who is in charge more than anyone else? There’s really no way to tell and it gets a little complicated. Sting wants to bring back Dixie Carter and there was a Network Representative recently in the form of Foley. In short, it’s too much and it gets too complicated quickly.

Ok so now let’s summarize this. Authority figures are an important part of wrestling, but they need to be done right. They need to not be actors but rather someone that knows how to work a wrestling crowd. It gets dull when you have a guy that has no idea what to say out there trying to sound important. Also, for the love of sanity, stop talking about behind the scenes stuff and convincing boards of directors to give you power. TNA has been really guilty of this lately. I can’t count how often Hogan and Bischoff have been granted power by the Network and we’re just told about it. Yes that’s realistic, but that’s not the point of wrestling. Wrestling is over the top and insane, not based in reality. If you’re going to change power, show it happening.

That brings me back to WCW: there’s such a thing as changing too often. Raw did this over the last few years, changing GMs all the time. It gets annoying in a hurry as it makes the power seem weak, as it can be taken away and replaced all the time. You also don’t want to have matches all the time to change the authority figures. If you can’t keep track of who the boss is, how important can they seem?

Most importantly of all, don’t have a ton of people in power. Have preferably one and at most two. WWE is doing things pretty well now with HHH as the boss and Ace as only kind of a boss. People are fighting for HHH’s power in the form of the Conspiracy and it makes it look valuable that he wants to defend it. Now I know that kind of goes against what I said about not changing it immediately, which is what I mean as HHH doesn’t need to lose the job already.

Authority figures can be important and great additions to the show, but they need to be done right.

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 19, 2011
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Well we’re past Night of Champions and it’s time for the huge thirteen days long build for Hell in a Cell. Yes, we have two weeks between PPVs and they have the nerve to wonder why the buyrates are so low. Anyway, HHH is still the boss and Cena is the champion again. We’re hopefully going to get an explanation for some of the things last night even though I don’t get most of the complaints out of it. Let’s get to it.

Oh and Hugh Jackman is guest host.

Cole promises the fallout from last night in tonight’s main event but doesn’t say what it is.

Here’s Punk to open the show and he’s looking a little ginger. This is a bad arena for Punk as he had to forfeit the title back in 08 and Holly clocked him in the head here once and messed up his vision. However, he might have to admit he was wrong about the Conspiracy because maybe it does exist. It’s not the one Awesome Truth is talking about but…and here’s HHH with a rebuttal already.

HHH says they went to war last night but today he’s still the COO. He’s going to do his job first though and make it a triple threat Cell match with Punk vs. Cena vs. Del Rio. Ok that’s the right move to go with. As for the Conspiracy, HHH has no idea what it’s going to take to get it through Punk’s head but if they have to go to war again, let’s do it and there goes the jacket and most of the tie. Punk is cool with that too but says put the tie back on.

Before HHH interrupted him, Punk’s point was going to be that someone is using their animosity between each other to play the both of them. He still says there’s a Conspiracy but it doesn’t involve HHH. It’s someone higher up on the ladder “if you know what I mean.” Punk starts talking about Punk and Miz but here’s Johnny Ace again to say that’s enough.

He says Punk is lying and tells HHH to not believe it. Punk says he’s upset and Ace says that he’s upset too. Ace says that Punk is going too far with this and Ace is tired of the disrespect. He claims to not want to be COO but Punk doesn’t buy it. HHH tells him to chill and Ace fires Punk. That lasts about a second as HHH says no you’re not fired. He’s not sure what’s going on with the Conspiracy but he’s going to get to the bottom of it and tonight, someone is getting fired.

Wade Barrett/Christian/Michael McGillicutty/David Otunga vs. Aim Boom/Sheamus/Justin Gabriel

Kofi and Bourne are in bright green tonight. Gabriel vs. Please Just Call Me Joe Hennig Already starts us off. It’s off to Bourne quickly and the heel team gets a chance to beat him down one by one. All four have gotten a shot at him so far so I won’t bother going into a description of all four of them. Cole says enough is enough for Christian and even apologizes for interrupting JR.

Hot tag brings in Sheamus and he beats up everyone, namely Otunga who takes an Irish Curse for two. Everything breaks down and here’s Kofi with a huge cross body to take out Barrett. JR messes up and says WWF Tag Champions (mini-censoring) as Christian’s spear is broken up by a kick to the head. Brogue Kick and Celtic Cross kill Otunga for the pin at 4:40.

Rating: C+. This was fine and even kind of fun at times. Sheamus still can’t kill Christian and everyone got to look good. Sheamus’ push continues and the whole thing was pretty fun. Also notice the makeup in the match: Ghana, America, Ireland, South Africa vs. England, Canada, America, America. The international stuff is interesting as it’s clear they’re branching out a bit. It worked in the 60s and it worked here.

HHH is interviewing people to try to figure out what’s going on. Alberto comes in and doesn’t like the title match at HIAC. Alberto is a lot taller than I thought he was. He says HHH is awful at his job and he wants Vince to come back and run things. HHH says Alberto will need his prayers for himself in the Cell.

Alberto Del Rio vs. John Morrison

Del Rio goes for the armbreaker immediately but Morrison gets an enziguri to put him down. Del Rio hits what looked like a Stunner but I guess he had the arm. He hits the same move on the ropes that he hurt Rey with…and the armbreaker ends this at 55 seconds? What the heck?

Here’s Hugh Jackman who gets a decent reaction. It’s a good idea to have the host be someone that plays a tough guy most of the time. He seems fired up for this and has a really thick Australian accent. He says if you like WWE you’ll like his new movie Real Steel which is about something like robots fighting. Ok that works. Here are Vickie and Dolph to interrupt though. Cole: “The Cougar vs. The Wolverine!”

Vickie hits on Jackman and Dolph isn’t happy. Vickie says she’s the hottest Diva and Dolph objects again. She introduces Dolph and Dolph confuses him with Christian Bale. Dolph talks about beating humans last night, not robots, “sorry Mason Ryan.” Dolph says that’s a movie and this is as real as it gets.

They stare each other down and talk about underdogs and Jackman says he’ll find an underdog to face Dolph tonight. Dolph says cool but the beating is on Jackman’s hands. The fans start a BIG “we want Ryder” chant. Jackman goes to the floor and grabs a sign saying “Ryder > Wolverine.” Well you can’t say he’s not trying. Hey he stole the sign!

Awesome Truth arrives and Ace meets them, saying HHH wants to see them. They’re very apologetic and say they’re sorry to Truth and will be right there to see The Game. Ace leaves and they stay the same.

Sin Cara vs. Cody Rhodes

We think this is the original Cara but we’re not sure. This is non-title I think. Before the match starts here’s the other Sin Cara who moves more like the Hunico (false) version. Cody is gone so there’s no match. From what I can find, Mistico (original) is the shorter one. The bigger one jumps the smaller one and it turns into a brawl. The fans really aren’t sure what to make of this. One of them (can’t tell as they’re not together anymore) is sent up the ramp and that’s it. Cody just left when the other Cara came in.

Awesome Truth comes in to see HHH and Miz is all sad. They say there’s still a Conspiracy but they don’t think HHH is part of it. Both apologize individually. Truth must be serious because he apologizes to the Little Jimmies. HHH doesn’t move while this is being said. He looks at them both and says fine and accepts the apology. Since they put their hands on an official, they’re being fined $250,000 each and he expects the checks Monday morning. They start to leave but HHH stops them and says they have a match with Punk and Cena tonight.

Here’s Henry for his first interview as champion. JR is doing the interview and before Henry comes out we’re told that it’s Orton vs. Henry in the Cell for the title. JR congratulates him and says Henry proved his naysayers wrong. Henry says JR was one of them and he’ll deal with the naysayers in a minute. He doesn’t know much about the Cell but he’ll keep the title.

Henry yells at JR, saying JR is going to apologize for all the naysayers and he’ll apologize to the champ. Henry brings up that JR wanted Vince to fire him at one point. He holds up the belt and says that’s all that needs to be said. JR apologizes but Henry grabs him by the throat anyway. He screams Henry is hurting him and Jerry comes in to try to calm Henry down. Henry lets JR go but grabs Jerry, saying he’ll take Ross’ place.

Lawler tries to fight and that doesn’t work at all. Lawler takes the World’s Strongest Slam and Henry kicks him to the floor. He loads up the announce table and Jerry is out for all intents and purposes. There’s a World’s Strongest Slam through the table and Lawler isn’t moving other than writhing in pain. Henry takes his title and leaves as we go to a break.

Post break Lawler is being carried out. Josh Matthews comes out to help on commentary.

Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres vs. Beth Phoenix/Natalya

Kelly gets a bit better reception here than last night. She and Beth start us off. Cole tries to play off last night’s match as a fluke because Beth put too much pressure on herself. Off to Kelly who fires off some kicks but gets taken down to bring in the Canadian. Eve makes Natalya miss a charge and Eve rolls her up for the pin at 1:45. Josh says that Kelly is on a roll.

Jackman picks Ryder because you can’t be much more of an underdog than him. “Woo woo Hugh, you know it!”

Zack Ryder vs. Dolph Ziggler

Ryder has Jackman with him and Jackman put on a headband for this. The guy is into this. Ryder gets in a quick shot for two. Big Ryder chant breaks out and Jackman plays cheerleader. Ryder hits the running boot in the corner for two. And yes, the referee is serious about it being two. Dolph takes over with a superkick and a sweet dropkick for two. Ryder gets a knee up in the corner and a double clothesline puts both guys down. Vickie slaps Ryder and is ejected. Jackman uses the distraction to pop Ziggler and the Rough Ryder gives Ryder the pin at 3:08. Cole: “That was a real steal for Ryder.”

Rating: C. Well you can’t say they’re not listening to the fans. Jackman was fine here and looked like he was having a blast. That’s all I can ask for from guest stars and it helps that he’s a tough guy style actor. This was fun and the whole thing worked well enough. Also it might give Ziggler an opponent which he needs pretty badly right now as he’s beaten Riley before and Swagger needs to turn face first.

Swagger, dressed to kill, comes up to Vickie in the back and says he can get Vickie to meet Jackman if she wants and the managerial deal is set. Swagger walks away and sees Ziggler who he smiles at.

Punk is getting ready and Cena is behind him. Cena says they’re a lot alike and the dueling chants begin. He says he respects Punk and talks about the Cell match. Cena says it’ll be history and Punk says it would be history if Cena was the first WWE Champion to be fired.

Video on the Cell and how evil it is.

Awesome Truth vs. John Cena/CM Punk

Awesome Truth does their You Suck song on the way to the ring. Charles Robinson is referee. I haven’t seen him in forever. Cena throws his shirt to a guy holding what appears to be twins in Cena gear. Cool move. Miz shakes the referee’s hand and apologizes for last night. Wait Robinson was the referee last night? Off to Punk who is all smiley. The new Super Best Friends take over and a legdrop gets two. Off to Truth who takes a northern lights suplex for two.

It’s time for a rematch of the main event of Wrestlemania and the dueling chants begin. Miz gets the short DDT for two as we take a break. Back with Miz getting another two off something we don’t see. Off to Truth who puts on a chin/headlock but Cena suplexes his way out of it. Miz peppers Cena with left hands but Cena grabs a gutwrench suplex to escape. Truth breaks up the tag again and Miz holds the tag rope instead of stomping Cena when the ref isn’t looking.

Earlier tonight Cena said he and Punk could be the new Rock and Roll Express so my Ricky Morton reference isn’t as much of a stretch now. Cena finally takes Miz down and there’s the hot tag to Punk. He hits a spinning falcon’s arrow to Truth and the knee/bulldog/clothesline to Miz. He calls for the GTS but Miz elbows out. Awesome Truth almost collides so Punk sends Miz into Truth and the GTS ends this at 13:09.

Rating: C+. Pretty good main event tag match here. The new Super Best Friends thing could be interesting as they’re both very over so maybe it’s going to wind up being a thing like Cena and Orton was. Either way, good match here as both teams were having fun and I don’t think anyone expected the ending to go any other way. This was fine.

Post match HHH comes out and says good match to Punk (nothing to Cena) and fires Miz and Truth!

They go after HHH who has left and we cut to the back to see the roster watching on monitors. HHH comes in and the guys warn him but Awesome Truth jumps him. The roster breaks it up and Regal and Swagger throw them out with HHH saying get them out of my building. HHH storms off into the back to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. I had a great time with tonight’s show and the whole thing worked very well. A lot of stuff happened and a lot of stuff moved forward. The wrestling was ok but this was more of a drama filled show than anything else. It’s a good followup and hopefully will shut people up about how they’re not sure where things are going. Good show.

Results
Air Boom/Justin Gabriel/Sheamus b. Christian/Wade Barrett/David Otunga/Michael McGillicutty – Celtic Cross to Otunga
Alberto Del Rio b. John Morrison – Cross Armbreaker
Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres b. Natalya/Beth Phoenix – Rollup to Natalya
Zack Ryder b. Dolph Ziggler – Rough Ryder
John Cena/CM Punk b. Awesome Truth – GTS to Miz

Night Of Champions 2011
Date: September 18, 2011
Location: First Niagara Center, Buffalo, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Jerry Lawler

This show is an interesting one as you don’t really need much in terms of backstory for a lot of the matches. Most of them are there because we need title matches. However, the Raw title match is one of the least interesting feuds and title matches I’ve seen in a very long time. I just don’t care about why this match is taking place and there’s not much heat built up between the two guys. The main event is likely Punk vs. HHH with the Game’s job on the line. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about champions. Oh and HHH and Punk who aren’t champions but are going to be in the main event tonight.

I love those banners with the titles hanging from the ceiling by the entrance. They’re cool looking.

Tag Titles: Air Boom vs. Awesome Truth

Works for an opener. There’s some new referee and Kofi vs. Miz starts us off. Miz tries to be all aggressive but that’s not his thing at all. A big forearm puts him down and it’s off to Bourne. The champs are moving fast tonight. Off to Truth and everything breaks down. The champs hit stereo dives off the top to pop the crowd. That’s why you have high flying tag champions.

Back inside and it’s Bourne vs. Truth which didn’t go well for Mailbox Man on Friday. It’s time for Bourne to play face in peril and he does it well, getting double teamed by Miz and then getting taken down almost immediately after Miz breaks up a tag. Miz hammers away a bit but Bourne gets in a kick to the head after breaking a way too early Finale attempt.

Hot tag to Kofi who doesn’t resemble Robert Gibson but he cleans house anyway. Boom Drop is broken up by Truth but he gets sent to the floor quickly. SOS gets two on Miz. I’d like to see that move be brought back more often. Miz grabs a short DDT for two and there’s no referee because of Truth. Bourne makes a fake tag and tries Air Bourne but Miz moves. The idea is the referee is an idiot. DDT gets two on Bourne and there’s a blind tag by the challengers but THIS doesn’t count. Finale hits Bourne but Truth has the referee again. Miz is so ticked off that he shoves the referee and we’re done at 10:00.

Rating: C+. Fun match as they were all moving out there. I like the actual proof of the conspiracy and it might come back later on. Also it’s good to not give them the titles just yet as the champions need a bit more resume building stuff as they haven’t really beaten anyone yet other than the former Nexus team who got beat by Ryder and Lawler a few weeks ago. Fun opener.

Miz and Truth yell about the Conspiracy post match and down goes the referee.

Miz and Truth yell at Striker about the Conspiracy and threats against HHH are made. End of show shenanigans?

Intercontinental Title: Cody Rhodes vs. Ted DiBiase

This was set up quickly on Smackdown or maybe after it so it’s not like this means much. DiBiase shoves him to the corner and that gets him nowhere. A pair of kicks, one of the drop variety, gets a pair of two counts. After being slapped, DiBiase tries to channel his inner Austin with a Thesz Press and right hands but that just isn’t him. Back up and Ted is back down with the Beautiful Disaster.

Rhodes takes over with his basic strike stuff, working on the ribs and the face. Camel clutch goes to an abdominal stretch on the mat as I guess he’s working on the ribs, despite having a neckbreaker style finsiher. We get a test of strength of all things which doesn’t go to anyone in particular. Another dropkick by DiBiase misses and it’s back to the abs which doesn’t work as well this time.

A third version of it is back on the mat as Rhodes really likes DiBiase’s abs I guess. After a few more seconds it’s a spinebuster by DiBiase to plant Rhodes. There’s not much to say as the feud here is kind of vague and not really developed at all. The Beautiful Disaster Part 2 The Return/Revenge/other cliched sequel titles is countered by another dropkick (can DiBiase do anything else?) and they go to the corner. Rhodes uses the mask headbutt but is pulled back down and unmasked. He swings it at Cody but is caught in a rollup with tights for the pin at 9:50.

Rating: C. Not bad here but this should have been on Smackdown rather than a PPV. There’s no real reason to see these two fight but they’re trying at the same time I guess. DiBiase has nothing to do here and Rhodes is REALLY needing an opponent as the midcard face pool is pretty weak. Bryan is too big for it and that’s about it. Not good but it means he’ll have the title for awhile.

Here’s Christian to want ONE MORE MATCH and he wants it after Henry vs. Orton tonight. He makes fun of Buffalo for never winning a major sports title (heat as old as time) and then asks the fans to chant one more match. They actually do but here’s Sheamus. Christian is a weasel and here’s some more Irish jibber jabber. Sheamus says if Christian gets one more match, Sheamus wants the first shot. The fans chant one more match and Christian’s head winds up in the front row via a Brogue Kick. Simple but effective as usual.

US Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. John Morrison vs. Alex Riley vs. Jack Swagger

No tagging here thank goodness. They pair off but it’s down to Riley vs. Swagger quickly. Riley gets a Rock Bottom for two. It’s one of those matches where some people stay in the ring and others chill on the floor. Riley is knocked off the apron and may be injured. It’s Morrison vs. Swagger in the ring at the moment and scratch Morrison from that list. Now we get the potential Team Vickie showdown which Vickie is MAD about.

Swagger sends him to the floor and Riley isn’t hurt I guess as he comes back in and hits a TKO for two. Vickie breaks up the pin and Ziggler yells at her for it. Morrison hits that same kick that Cody uses for two. Fameasser gets two on Morrison. This is hard to keep track of. They’re sticking around with Morrison vs. Ziggler for awhile and Johnny is trying something to Dolph who is sitting on the top. Here’s your WHAT WAS THAT spot from Morrison.

He gets caught in the Tree of Woe with Ziggler sitting on the top. Riley goes up to try something on Dolph but Morrison does a power situp and Germans him off the top. Swagger comes in with a suplex and everyone is in now. Morrison hits the standing C4 for two on Riley. He loads up the Starship but Riley moves.

Swagger grabs the ankle lock on Riley but Ziggler has Morrison in the sleeper. Both holds are broken and Riley hits the inverted DDT on Swagger for a VERY close two. Jack grabs Riley’s ankle again and Riley takes a low blow. Morrison comes in but walks into the gutwrench powerbomb and Ziggler steals the pin to retain the title at 8:30.

Rating: B-. I liked this one as the false finishes were great. It’s pretty clear they’re setting up for the Swagger vs. Ziggler feud over whose double G’s are harder to pronounce. This was fine though and a good way to push Ziggler stronger as a heel who is stealing the title. I liked it and I’m not usually a fan of multi-man matches.

Henry says he has 15 years of hatred built up. I think he means cholesterol built up but whatever. He wants Josh to come out and interview him when he wins the title.

Vickie is happy and says she’s seen her future. Everyone wants to work for her and her talent has been recognized and things are about to happen. She wants to be the new COO if HHH loses.

Hell in a Cell is in two weeks. Give me a break.

Another Henry video which we’ve seen a dozen versions of over the last few weeks.

Smackdown World Title: Mark Henry vs. Randy Orton

After some big match intros we’re ready to go. According to Booker the WCW Title and the WHC have the same lineage. Orton fires away at him and manages to get him down, setting up the Orton Stomp. The knee drop ticks Henry off but he jumps to the left (Time Warp?) and sends Henry to the floor where he’s all ticked off. Back in HENRY GOES GYMNAST with a big boot to the head. That was impressive.

Orton grabs a sleeper which wouldn’t be a bad idea IF EVERYONE DIDN’T USE IT ON BIG MEN. Naturally it doesn’t work here either and Orton is put on the top rope. Henry clocks him upside the head and Henry takes over on the floor. With Orton’s body wrapped around the post, Henry pulls back to injure the back and to draw a Gumby reference. I didn’t expect one of those but Cole played the Gumby card.

Henry stands on Orton’s back with no rope support. FREAKING OW MAN!!! The big splash only gets two and then another two off a not very serious cover. Henry is toying with him here but Orton gets up for a second. He’s not up for two seconds as Henry takes him down and chokes a bit. Orton hammers away with his two kinds of strikes. Henry takes him down but the second splash misses and here comes Randy.

Orton fires off a bunch of punches in the corner and Henry is in trouble. The clotheslines don’t work and Henry isn’t sure what to do. There’s a dropkick and Henry heads to the apron. He puts himself in elevated DDT position but Henry fires back with a headbutt. This has been good so far. There’s the World’s Strongest Slam for two and Henry is ticked off. Henry sets for a Vader Bomb but Orton moves.

He goes after the knee and hits a DDT to take Henry down. It’s RKO time but Henry rolls to the apron. This time the DDT works and I think the tides just shifted. It’s only two though because that’s not his finisher and Henry grabs the rope instead. Henry pulls a Bret Hart and plays possum so he can get a shot to the leg in and Orton is slowed down. Now he’s looking at him like a plate of shrimp puffs. Orton gets up and pulls himself up with Henry’s singlet and tries an RKO. That gets countered and the RKO makes Henry the champion at 13:11. It had to happen someday.

Rating: B. I can’t believe it but I’m ok with this. They built this guy up over the summer and then gave him the title. It’s about time as he was pushed for years on and off and just never got there. This is the right time though and we need some fresh heel blood on Smackdown. Good moment here and something that Henry deserves, which I can’t believe I’m saying but it’s true.

Henry says he’s never going to lose the title.

Del Rio isn’t happy with Johnny Ace about having to team with Ricardo on Monday but Ace says that it was HHH’s move. He wants more respect (Alberto) and Ace says he’ll get it. Team Mexico leaves and here’s Punk. Ace wishes him good luck and Punk turns that around, implying Ace means good luck in your future endeavors.

Divas Title: Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix

The fans are totally behind Beth and the power is too much for Kelly to start us off. The fans say she sucks, and I’m sure she does. Kelly gets in a few shots but the power is still too much for her. There’s not much to say here as it’s almost all dominance. Kelly gets in a bulldog to break things up and is booed out of the building. Eve and Nattie get into it outside and Kelly is beaten down again.

Kelly grabs a small package (isn’t that how she got this job?) for two but the K2 is blocked and Beth takes her head off with a clothesline. Kelly is put on the top rope and gets killed by a superplex. Both chicks are down though as you would expect. That only gets two for Beth and it’s Glam Slam time. In the EXACT same finish from Summerslam, Kelly rolls through for the pin at 6:47. Give me a break.

Rating: C-. The superplex was awesome but the ending being EXACTLY the same thing as Summerslam makes it look pretty freaking stupid. Kelly getting booed out of the building on the pin is funny stuff and it’s definitely a good sign, even though it’s the hometown pop more than anything else. Not a good match but for the Divas it’s not all that bad.

We get a really good video package on the history of the WWE Title and all the champions (ok not all) over the years. Cool stuff.

Raw World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena

Del Rio isn’t in his car and is in blue tights. Cena has the car, appearing to be a Ferrari, much to Del Rio’s dismay. Alberto wants Ricardo to do his Big Match Intro as he wants the accent right. Cena does his own intro, adding in a bunch of nicknames like the Fighting Fruity Pebble and rubbing in that Del Rio thinks he’s better than everyone. Slow feeling out process to start without much happening for the first few minutes.

Ricardo trips Cena and is tossed out like an illegal Mexican alien. Del Rio gets a kick in to the ribs and works on the back. This is a rather boring match so far but maybe they’re going for the slow build. Del Rio works on the back with various offense and works on the back even more. The first almost eight minutes of this have been pretty basic but they’re going for a slow build…I think.

Cena gets in a shot to break up the momentum and is greeted with a You Can’t Wrestle chant. Double clothesline puts both guys down. Del Rio kicks away and puts Cena on the floor with a right hand. Johnny fires back for a bit but can’t get over Del Rio’s offense. Cena finally takes him down and starts up his ending sequence with the shoulders and You Can’t See Me but the AA doesn’t work that fast of course.

Del Rio counters with a backstabber of all things for two. The cross armbreaker is broken up and Cena gets a dropkick for two. Cena loads up the top rope legdrop but Alberto hits the running enziguri for two. This is getting better. Cena gets a boot up in the corner and tries the STF but can’t hook it. Tilt-a-whirl gets two for Del Rio. He puts Cena on the top rope and pulls him into the Tree of Woe. Alberto tries a spear but Cena sits up to send Del Rio’s shoulder into the post with a SICK crunch.

Now the top rope legdrop hits for two. Alberto gets out of the AA again and the Mexican hits a German on the American for two. Del Rio goes up and hits a senton backsplash for two and there’s the armbreaker but it’s not on full. Cena rolls over and pulls him up into a powerbomb sort of move for two. While we’re watching the replay Cena hits an AA and here’s Ricardo. Cena hooks the STF and I don’t think the knee bends that way. Alberto taps to give Cena title #948 at 18:37.

Rating: B. Well it got better as it went to say the least but Cena just wins the title again? It’s just kind of there and makes Alberto look weak, which he already did during the title reign. I mean, points for staying in the STF for that long but why did they change the title that fast? Oh, because we need a HIAC match for the title next month and Alberto wouldn’t be much in there. Good to see the calendar screwing over the booking again.

Cole’s voice is wearing out.

Now we recap the non-title match which is the main event of a show about titles. So there’s a huge ordeal about the text that someone might have sent and Nash wants Punk but Nash is fired and sent himself the text and it doesn’t make sense but I’m sure we’re supposed to keep watching or whatever. This takes awhile and if you don’t know it, go read my Raw recaps.

HHH vs. CM Punk

Punk has a shirt with a WWE Ice Cream Bar on it. I could really go for one of those. This is no DQ/no holds barred. Punk jumps him on the floor and the brawl starts out there. They go over to the table and the announcers aren’t sure if they’re on or not. Ok into the ring now and the banana trunk wearing Punk fires off some kicks, countered by good old right hands.

Pedigree is countered and HHH sends Punk to the floor. This has been mostly HHH but it’s definitely not domination. Cole is saying about one line a minute as his voice is gone. Back on the floor now with HHH sending the knee (not the side of the leg, the kneecap) into the post. Punk fires back, bouncing off the railing and hitting a knee to the head of HHH up against the post.

HHH is like PUNK YOU and throws him through the barricade out into the crowd. He’s all fired up and yelling about Stephanie. This brutality is working better than I thought it would. They fight deeper into the fans and Punk grabs a trashcan to throw at the Game’s head. They’re up by the stage now and HHH sends him chest first into the set. They go onto the stage but HHH can’t hook the Pedigree.

Punk throws him off the stage and dives down to drill him. This isn’t falls count anywhere I don’t think. Punk rams the head of the COO into the set and is in control. They’re back at the ring now and Punk pulls out a trashcan. He drops that and shifts to a chair instead, popping the Game in the back a few times for two. HHH grabs a spinebuster and sends Punk into the chair that Punk wedged between the top and middle ropes.

HHH clips Punk and then puts the legs around the post. He grabs the chair from earlier and slams it into the knee into the post. He’s cerebral here so taking out the knees takes away the kicks and the GTS. Punk channels the power of Chicago and sends him into the steps. This has been a solid brawl so far. HHH grabs a monitor but Punk kicks him with the good leg. I’ve never gotten how that works. Wouldn’t he want to stand on the good leg?

In the big spot of the match, HHH is put on the table and Punk drops the Macho elbow through the Game and the Dudleyville special, killing both guys. They both crawl back to the ring and we get a cool replay from the crowd so you only see Punk flying and not the impact on HHH. Lawler: “That was Savage.”

Both guys get back in the ring and Miz/Truth come out to beat down both guys. SWEET! We’re actually getting some stuff from earlier in the show playing through to the end! They lay out both guys and put Punk’s arm on HHH but it only gets two. It’s No DQ so this is fine. Awesome Truth calls Conspiracy on the count and takes down that annoying referee Scott Armstrong. Get out of the ring and take your hitched count with you!

Here’s Johnny Ace who waves down someone but Punk is back up. He takes down Truth (sending him to the floor and right onto Armstrong) but walks into a Pedigree…with no referee. Ace tries to get a referee in but the guy is out. A second referee is here checking on Armstrong but HHH walks into the GTS. Now the referee is back in (thanks to Ace) but Truth breaks up the pin. GTS to Truth as this is getting awesome. Scratch that, it’s been awesome (truthfully).

Punk tries his springboard clothesline but jumps into a Pedigree….FOR TWO. I would have bet on that being the finish. And of course here’s Nash through the crowd. Good thing the camera was waiting on him to come in. He takes out both guys but is beating on the Game more than on Punk. He sets for the Jackknife but Punk saves HHH. Now he (Punk) takes the Jackknife but Nash drills HHH on the floor. He loads up the announce table but HHH is up with a sledgehammer to take Nash out. Back in now and ANOTHER Pedigree finally ends this at 24:09.

Rating: B+. This was one of those matches that was so insane but for the most part it made sense. Miz and Truth coming in is a great thing and I don’t think anyone really thought Punk was going to win at the end of the day. I liked it and the kickout of the Pedigree shocked me. The whole thing was a fun brawl on top of that and the ending wasn’t exactly what I was expecting (the buildup to it, not the ending itself) and it was great all around. Very good stuff.

Overall Rating: B+. Pretty entertaining show overall with the big match being great and a nice surprise in Henry winning (what am I saying???) plus good stuff with Alberto vs. Cena, odd booking aside. The Conspiracy is a nice touch and the whole thing worked pretty well I though. I had fun with this show and I wasn’t really looking forward to it otherwise. Good stuff here and a fun PPV.

Results
Air Boom b. Awesome Truth via DQ when Miz shoved the refereeing
Cody Rhodes b. Ted DiBiase – Rollup
Dolph Ziggler b. John Morrison, Alex Riley and Jack Swagger – Pinned Morrison after a powerbomb from Swagger
Mark Henry b. Randy Orton – World’s Strongest Slam
Kelly Kelly b. Beth Phoenix – Victory Roll
John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio – STF
HHH b. CM Punk – Pedigree

Night of Champions 2009
Date: July 26, 2009
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,774
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Josh Matthews

So what we have here is Night of Champions where everything on the roster is for a title. Literally, every match is a title match. I think I like that actually. Sure it’s a gimmick show, but at the same time that’s all you need at times. We’ve got a Mania 24 rematch and Punk vs. Hardy for the respective titles. This has been recently dubbed the 5th big one of the year, so let’s get to it.

The opening video is about as basic as you could imagine as almost everything is about being a champion. Why mess with something that simple? It focuses on the two main matches as you would also expect. Norcal was at this show so expect a few lines about him here and there.

Unified Tag Titles: Legacy vs. Chris Jericho/???

So Edge snapped his ankle and has no partner, meaning anyone that’s paid attention for the past few months knows who this is going to be. We get the video of Edge’s injury saying he’ll come back and take care of Jericho. That’s going to be an awesome feud. And it’s the Big Show. No one got this and the rumor was they picked him seconds before with the video being shown to buy them some more time.

There are cool banners with pictures of the belts hanging from them. It looks sweet. Rhodes and Show start us off. Show just beats the heck out of both guys as you would expect. You could bet on Jerishow retaining here even from the perspective of watching it live. In a nice move, Legacy hits a tandem chop block and clothesline. Not bad at all. Rhodes whispers something into the ear of Jericho but he does it just subtly enough that unless you knew to look for it you wouldn’t notice it. Well done.

Rhodes busts out a nice moonsault to Jericho. He’s underrated in the ring as his offense keeps changing up. The problem with this match becomes apparent quickly: Jericho and Show are the default faces even though they’re supposed to be the heels. We hit insane mode and Show puts down both guys and after a Codebreaker, the Colossal Clutch ends it.

Rating: C+. It was fine. That’s the only thing I can think of to say for this one. It was designed to be a pure squash for the new champions to get them over and that’s exactly what it did. Rather boring match but it served its purpose very well.

We go to the back to CM Punk, and it’s promo time. This is the promo that made CM Punk to a lot of people and I remember wanting to jump up and cheer at it. He talks about how the parents letting their children support Jeff Hardy and his drug addicted lifestyle and how eventually they start doing as Jeff does: smoking, drinking, drugs etc., and it all started because the parents wouldn’t take responsibility for their kids. The fans cheering for everything that he lists off is great as this was the perfect crowd to do this in front of.

ECW Title: Tommy Dreamer vs. Christian

Dreamer in ECW wearing the ECW Title is perfect to say the least. And WWE can’t have that, so they have him come out second and have the king of the smarks Christian come out second so that he gets a much bigger pop than Dreamer who has earned 30 seconds of glory. As you know, Christian wins here, which is also ridiculous as it wouldn’t have killed them to do this at TV.

Seriously, let Dreamer have his moment in ECW in Philly. Striker points out that the ECW Title has changed hands a lot in Philly. Thanks for that. I never would have guessed on that one. I love that running rolling flip that Dreamer does. You can see there’s a fairly big lack of psychology here as they’re just kind of walking through spots with little flow to it at all. We hit a sleeper already which isn’t a good sign.

More or less Dreamer is using nothing but jobber offense and signature spots. To be fair though you could argue that those are one in the same. Dreamer hooks a Texas Cloverleaf of all things. We hit an always fun pinfall reversal sequence. They trade finishing holds that are countered until Christian hits the Killswitch for the pin and the championship.

Rating: D+. While I hate Dreamer losing the belt in Philly, he got about two months with it so I can’t argue much on that. Christian has held the belt since this match. That being said, this just wasn’t that good. Dreamer simply isn’t that good in the ring but if nothing else this was just a nostalgic reign for Dreamer so that’s all well and good.

Ad for Summerslam.

Jerishow say they’re going to dominate. Cookie cutter promo if there has ever been one.

US Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger vs. Carlito vs. The Miz vs. Primo vs. MVP

Swagger does a little dance on the way to the ring. More or less it was a given that someone was going to take the title from Kofi here. I think Carlito’s mustache has its own population. Miz gets a NICE pop. Primo is replacing Big Show who was supposed to be in here. And there are no tags here. That rarely makes things any better or easier to call at all. Hey, did you know Kofi doesn’t have to be pinned to lose his title?

I didn’t know if it was made clear that Kofi doesn’t have to be pinned to lose his title. I want to make it clear that Kofi doesn’t have to be pinned to lose his title. It’s just a massive mess as everyone is trying to get a spot in there where they can. Also there are a lot of guys randomly staying on the floor for long periods of time. They mess up a save spot as Swagger hits Primo for the save about 5 seconds after Miz kicked out.

The Puerto Ricans are exploding here as they don’t like each other even though no one cares at all. Swagger and MVP are having the same angle that MVP and Miz are having now. No one is in the ring at the moment. Kofi’s movement is amazing to say the least and there’s the incredibly named Boom Drop. They do a Tower of Doom spot with Miz taking the most damage.

The crowd is dead here in case you were wondering. Miz is unceremoniously dumped to the floor. Is there a ceremonious way to do that? Everyone gets a quick rollup or pin and it gets some applause if nothing else. In a cool and actual believable spot, Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale at the same time on MVP as he hits the Playmaker on Swagger. Kofi hits Trouble In Paradise on Carlito for the pin and the very surprising retain.

Rating: C-. I hate matches like these, I truly do. They’re just disasters to have one guy get a fluke pin and overcome a bunch of odds when in reality all it does is disguise the fact that there is no story or effort being put in here and it’s just a massive mess. Kofi winning was a nice surprise though.

Randy Orton says he’ll prove himself tonight. He reminds me of Lex Luthor from Smallville.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Michelle McCool vs. Melina

This is a rematch from The Bash which was brought on by some bad acting. Michelle’s bra is sticking WAY out here. Melina gyrates like no one I’ve ever seen. Michelle is the first person to use her freaking brain and kicks Melina on her splits intro. And there’s your first botch as they mess up an arm drag. We get some kicks that don’t actually connect as I have a bad feeling about this match.

We hit the floor and are told that a slam of the face into the barricade is a DDT. Riiiiiiiight. Melina is laying on the apron and in a coole counter she pulls up onto the bottom rope to avoid a baseball slide. They’re hitting hard but at the same time, they’re botching the heck out of so many things. Michelle reverses a rollup into a rollup for the pin. At least it was short.

Rating: D. They were trying but this was just a mess and a half. They were botching stuff left and right with there being little flow or psychology at all. Michelle has gotten better which to be fair she couldn’t have gotten much worse. This was really bad.

What in the heck is the point of McCool’s song? You’re not enough for me? That makes no sense.

Cena is here.

There was a tournament where the winner got Orton at NOC. More or less it was a way to have HHH vs. Cena on free TV and I won’t even go into how stupid that is. Legacy ran in for the double DQ so they made it a triple threat, which had been done before but no one cared. The video was as simple as you could ask for.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. HHH vs. Randy Orton

Cena of course gets a mixed reaction. HHH gets a very face reaction and of course Orton gets a very heel reaction. Vince must already be coming over just the entrances. We’re at 5 minutes for intros and Orton hasn’t come out yet. This could be an all night thing. And now we sit and wait on Orton. I guess Vince wanted a show. They say this was a great Wrestlemania main event.

Not only was it not a main event, but it was far from great. Orton doesn’t have to be pinned or tap out to lose the title. The ridiculousness of triple threats is never lost on me. Big match intros mean that it’s been 13 and a half minutes since the last match ended and the beginning of this. Good to see they’re keeping this thing moving. The faces double up on Orton to keep things moving quickly I guess.

Orton of course winds up in trouble as you would expect. The other thing I hate about these are how formula based they are. Why does one guy always wind up down on the floor only to show up just in time to make a save? I don’t get it at all. Cena does that top rope leg drop to both guys and it more or less completely misses. Philly really doesn’t like Cena at all.

Orton gets put to the floor with another completely ridiculous spot and it’s HHH and Cena again. Hmm I believe I called this coming no? It’s boo/yay time as they oversell punches to no end. Why would anyone duck their head against HHH? How stupid do you really have to be? Cena takes the Pedigree and in a STUNNING, yes STUNNING I say, turn of events, Orton makes the last second save. We’re in the crowd now. Oh never mind only Orton is.

The STFU is on HHH on the table, making it completely pointless. Cena gets the STFU on HHH again but in the ring this time. There’s zero drama at all here as it’s clear the match won’t end here. Cena dodges the punt (even though the kicking motion is more like a place kick) and rolls up Orton for two. That could have been a believable ending actually. Somehow Orton makes the Garvin Stomp more boring. How in the world is that possible?

And now the fans are chanting for Orton. It’s a very interesting sign that Orton is so hated that the fans would rather have Cena as champion again. HHH hooks a Sharpshooter because he’s HHH and can do whatever he wants to I guess. Cena adds a Crossface at the same time and Orton taps.

Let the nonsense begin. Legacy runs in for the beatdown as I wonder why Rhodes can’t wear sleeves. And Orton hits the RKO on Cena for the pin to retain. Yep, after tapping like that he keeps the belt. That’s not stupid at all.

Rating: D+. I hated this. Even Cole has disgust in his voice and I can’t blame him. No one wanted to watch Orton other than Vince so he can stare at his glistening body. Even Philly was cheering for Cena. What does that tell you? This was idiotic to say the least and the match sucked on top of that. Actually let me revise that. The match was ok, but the formula was idiotic. Cena and Orton began their ridiculous feud the next month at Summerslam.

Maryse is stretching for obvious reasons. That and her mustache must equal talent right? Miz hits on her and it fails.

Shaq is guest host tomorrow.

Chilli from TLC is here. No one cares.

Raw Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Maryse

Make it quick please. Yeah as looks go, Mickie is way ahead of Maryse. The fans want puppies. And people wonder why this division is never taken seriously. The match is your standard slapfest of course. Maryse tries to use her perfume or whatever but gets stopped.

We’re in our second rest hold six minutes into the match. This just isn’t interesting at all. Cole almost says the name of the wrong title. There is simply no need to have two belts. If you had just one it could potentially work. Mickie hits her jumping DDT to get the title to next to no reaction.

Rating: D. People don’t care about women’s wrestling and that’s really all there is to it. It’s not nice but it’s true. This just wasn’t interesting at all. The buildup was Mickie has beaten the jobbers this month so she gets the title shot because she’s on a roll. That’s it. I’m looking forward to Michelle vs. Mickie as there’s an actual story to it. This didn’t and it was painfully obvious.

Legacy says they’re cementing their legacy.

We recap Mysterio vs. Ziggler which more or less is Ziggler has been winning a lot but doesn’t get the belt. This is his chance.

Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Dolph Ziggler

People kept talking about the potential that Dolph had but I’ve just never seen it. These fans seem to think that everything is boring and it’s getting on my nerves very quickly. This is seemingly going to be a rather long match with Ziggler getting to show off. That’s a good sign if nothing else. He’s showing some solid offense and he looks completely calm doing it. Also getting in some little plays to the crowd which is always a nice perk.

This was what the title needed: big names defending it and guys having longer solid matches for it. For years it was the wrestlers’ title and that’s what they tried to make it again which I would say was a success. As expected, Dolph dominates for most of the match but makes one minor mistake, in this case going for one too many moves and here comes the masked man. And then of course the 619 and the springboard splash ends it.

Rating: B. This was very fine indeed. They got to beat on each other for awhile and it did a few things. First of all it let Ziggler look good. He got to show off against a huge star in Mysterio. Second they had a great match that made the belt look good. Both guys came out of this looking great and that’s all you can ask for.

Ad for the tag team DVD which I’m about halfway though and need to finish up.

We recap Punk vs. Hardy, which started at Extreme Rules where Punk used the MITB case to get the belt then slowly turned heel. That led us here.

Smackdown World Title: CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy

They really push the whole lifestyle thing here which is the smartest thing that they can do. They’re starting with a fast paced match that’s working rather well. These two had some great matches over the year and this was certainly one of them. Punk is so perfect as a heel and it’s working like a charm here. They’re going with high spots here which is something that Punk can do very well.

This wasn’t going to get a lot of time as it started at about 10:40, so the max was about 20 minutes. Oy it’s that referee with the hitch in his counts. This match felt like it didn’t have a beginning and we’re already at the end which isn’t good really, although the match is fine. We get a Dragon Sleeper of all things. Punk goes into that striking sequence he uses and Hardy ducks before hitting an RKO which is called a Twist of Fate here. Yeah that was dumb.

GTS hits and if the referee wasn’t incompetent, Punk would have won. Punk tries to leave and our hero doesn’t like that. In a rather anti-climactic moment he hits his usual finishing pair of moves and he gets his third world title. The celebration ends the show.

Rating: B-. I do not agree with the booking here at all. I was skeptical about the grade here but Ross saying let the Hardy Party begin sealed it. I don’t get Punk losing at all after the promo from earlier, but that’s life I guess as we can’t send kids home sad or they might only get three t-shirts this year instead of four. Either way this was pretty good although like I said it felt rushed which is because the show was running a bit low on time. I get why they cut it short. Still good though.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a pretty good show but not great. I really didn’t like the triple threat but I’d chalk that one up to a personal bias more than anything else. Other than that, the non-Diva matches were more or less all good which is all you can ask for. There’s nothing that jumps off the page as awesome, but at times you don’t need there to be. This was good enough for a watch but it’s not something you’ll want to see again. Check it out if you’re bored.