ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: June 13, 2006
Location: Sovereign Bank Arena, Trenton, New Jersey
Attendance: 5,100
Commentators: Joey Styles, Taz

So this is the debut of ECW on Sci-Fi which I found online out of boredom. Since I’m getting dangerously close to the end of the ECW PPVs, I figured I’d do the first and last shows of ECW on Sci-Fi and TNN just for the heck of it. This show is considered a miserable failure so let’s find out why. The main event is a battle royal to determine who fights Cena at Vengeance. ECW came back officially two days before this so it’s brand new and this is the big debut. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the second One Night Stand which was where the If Cena Wins We Riot sign debuted. Cena says he’ll be on ECW tonight, thereby killing ECW on its opening night. This was supposed to be the real ECW but you could tell that was never going to happen a few seconds after it debuted.

Heyman opens us up here and brings out RVD. They even have the hole in the brick wall entryway. RVD is WWE Champion here, having won it two nights ago. His voice reminds me of a less depressed Vin Diesel for some reason. They keep saying he’s the champion without saying WWE. Heyman declares him the ECW World Champion. Taz says no one knows what RVD is feeling. I think that should say no one knows why RVD never won the title in the original ECW. He says he’s just going to defend both titles. Van Dam wants the other one because it spins.

And here’s the #1 contender: Edge. Edge is ok because he could have made it in the original ECW I think. He cost Cena the title at Vengeance so he’s WAY over. Edge spears him after complimenting him. He goes through the crowd and Cena is behind him. RVD and Cena fight over who gets to beat up Edge. This of course allows Edge to escape. And remember, this is ECW. Pay no attention to the argument going on over the WWE Title with WWE guys.

After a house show ad, Heyman gives a speech to the locker room and says they’re invading Raw on Monday. You know it might work better if you didn’t say it on national TV.

The Zombie vs. The Sandman

And this right here is where ECW died completely. Since they could only get on Sci-Fi, they tried to get more sci-fi stuff on the show, hence this. And cue Sandman to not Metallica. Styles and Taz don’t even try to take this seriously. This is like a bad indy show joke or something. Sandman canes the tar out of him to a great pop and the White Russian Leg Sweep ends this in like 10 seconds. Dust flew off of Zombie. No rating obviously.

Kelly is an exhibitionist and wants to take off all of her clothes.

DX is coming back. On ECW. Shoot me. Better yet shoot Heyman as he doesn’t deserve this.

We see the whole Taz destroying King match from the PPV two days ago. It’s a 30 second squash but we see the whole thing, including intros.

Kurt Angle vs. Justin Credible

Angle would be in TNA later this year so what does that tell you about their luck? He had been the big guy sent to ECW to make them credible which to be fair is a good idea since he was in ECW before he was in WWE if you squint really hard when you look at it. Also his personality fits for ECW so it’s not that much of a stretch. Angle of course destroys Justin by throwing him all over the place and treating him like a video game character. Justin shoves him and Angle hits something close to the Tazmission to make him tap in maybe 90 seconds, which is somehow the longest match of the night, tripling the second place offering so far. No rating again obviously. He calls out Orton for a rematch at Vengeance.

Heyman says he’s throwing out everything he had planned and we’re having an extreme battle royal for the shot against Cena at Vengeance.

Read the Rise and Fall of ECW.

An unnamed character (Kevin Thorn) looks up at the ECW sign as Joey and Tazz say he couldn’t be what they think he is (vampire).

Kelly comes out to strip for us. She only has one name so far. She gets down to her underwear and unhooks her bra and puts her hands over her chest and leaves. Was there a point to that at all?

Extreme Battle Royal

Tommy Dreamer, Sabu, Big Guido, Little Guido, Stevie Richards, Big Show, Roadkill, Danny Doring, Al Snow, Tony Mamaluke, Balls Mahoney

So despite Heyman saying 10 there are 11. Sure why not. The weapons are all on the floor which completely goes against the logic of a battle royal. Balls has a bad cover of AC/DC. Show has hair here. That’s not something I’m used to. Wait didn’t he get his head shaved before this? Everyone runs from Show and it’s almost impossible to keep track of who is eliminated and who is just running. Roadkill takes a fallaway slam and we go to a break. No one has been eliminated since they all went through the ropes. We get some token weapons shots and I want this to end.

Taz tries to play this off as being more extreme than anything else and I feel sorry for him. Sabu sets up a table. Everyone jumps Show and it does nothing at all. Show puts out Snow. And Doring. Uh Richards too. Might as well say Roadkill too. Balls Mahoney is number five. This is all in a row so I’m not skipping anything. Dreamer goes after Show with something made of metal and of course it does jack. He goes through a table on the floor. It’s Show, the FBI and Sabu. Show puts all three of the non-fake Arabians out in about 45 seconds and then Sabu hits him while he’s on the ropes to win it.

Rating: F. Oh sweet mama this was bad. Show literally eliminated everyone other than Sabu in less than 4 minutes. There’s domination and then there’s this. One of the worst battle royals ever to fittingly close out one of the worst hours ever.

Overall Rating: G. This is one of those weird shows that actually goes beyond failing and blazes new territory. Other than the main event if you want to call it that, the longest match was less than 100 seconds long. One match had a zombie and one was from a PPV so it wasn’t even new. They had no freaking clue what they were doing with this and it showed badly. They more or less redid the whole thing the next week when this bombed so terribly. Not even worth it for the historical value. Terrible show.

Smackdown
Date: June 24, 2011
Location: Giant Center, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Booker T, Michael Cole

First show after Capitol Punishment which will likely see more continuation in Orton vs. Christian.  Other than that it’s kind of hard to say as there aren’t many other big time feuds going on this show.  Maybe some more Rhodes vs. Bryan which has been solid and perhaps an IC Title match from Jackson.  Unfortunately it’ll probably just be a rematch with Barrett which doesn’t sound all that thrilling.  Let’s get to it.

Do you know your enemy?  Mine is finding a copy of this show this week.

Here’s Teddy.  I wonder how his arms still work with how far he swings them.  He says that the title match on Sunday had a controversial ending and for once he’s right.  Teddy calls out Christian who is all mad about the ending to the match.  We get a clip of said ending and Teddy agrees that it was a bad call.  He apologizes to the fans but the decision stand.

Christian freaks because HE deserves the apology, not the fans.  He says he deserves another title match because of not only that but also what Orton did after the match.  Teddy says Orton committed actions unbecoming of a champion.  The Canadians wants another shot and Teddy says you have to earn it.  The decision was bad, but it was also final.  Christian has to earn his shot tonight against Kane.  Christian yells a lot as Teddy leaves.

I was right.  Barrett gets his rematch tonight.

Shawn will be on Raw.  Also, Sin Cara vs. Bourne due to the votes being messed up.

Sin Cara vs. Ted DiBiase

 

Apparently DiBiase has celebrity friends now.  There go the lights again.  Booker calls Teddy a follower and apparently he’s following Cody because he can’t help it.  Cara speeds things up and the fans are way behind him.  Nice dive to the floor which looked a bit edited.  Back in and DiBiase gets a dropkick to counter a springboard cross body for two.  DiBiase gets a HARD kick to the head to take over even more.

Following clothesline gets two.  Cara gets his feet up in the corner and hits a middle rope dropkick for two.  Things speed up a bit and Cara gets a rana to take over.  Dropkick puts Ted down again and a pretty nice armdrag.  He tries a springboard….something, but is caught in a sitout spinebuster for two.  Cara hits the ropes again and goes into a headscissors, spinning around multiple times before he slams DiBiase down into a crossface position but instead covers for the pin at 5:09.

Rating: C. I know Cara is huge in Mexico and can spin around a lot, but he needs to actually have a story and an actual match rather than just flipping around a lot and doing a collection of moves.  It’s really not a match and it’s getting a bit old.  Not horrible, but it’s getting repetitive.

We get a clip of Bryan getting paper bagged on Raw by Rhodes.

Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan

 

Cody comes out first and says he loves chocolate.  He calls this town the modern day Sodom because it makes more chocolate than anywhere in the world, making everyone fat and ugly.  Booker is handed a bag, cracking up Cole.  Bryan interrupts and says he’s sick of this.  He makes fun of the mask, saying Cody should put the cup in his pants, not on his face.  Looks aren’t everything and his proof is a picture of Cody’s pop, Dusty Rhodes.  He looked horrible but was interesting and charismatic, which are things that Cody isn’t.  Bryan thinks Cody is a bitter and arrogant jerk who will never live up to his father’s standards.

Those are of course fighting words and as the bell rings, Cole is using a paper bag like a puppet because he’s….uhhh….stupid.  Oh it’s a Booker puppet.  You can tell because it has the word Booker on the top of it.  Bryan reverses La Magistral into a pinning combination for two.  Cody gets sent to the floor and is all ticked off over it.  DiBiase comes out for moral support I guess as we take a break.

Back with Cody sending him to the floor.  Rhodes hammers away even more as Cole argues with Booker.  Off to the arm and then into a Russian legsweep.  Almost all Cody so far in this other than a little bit at the beginning.  Bryan finally comes out of the corner and mostly misses a Pele-style kick.  A rana off the top with Rhodes not looking that good with it gets two for Bryan.

Bryan gets all fired up and throws his kicks.  Booker calling him D Bry is rather annoying.  LeBell Lock doesn’t work and neither does a series of rollups.  The both try cross bodies and collide hard.  Bryan takes DiBiase out but walks into the Beautiful Disaster and his leg is caught in the ropes.  Another one sets up the Cross Rhodes and we’re done at 8:53 shown of 12:23.

Rating: C+. Somewhat better here but DiBiase is weighing Cody down.  His whole psycho thing worked very well but now with Ted out there they come off like an uninteresting tag team who doesn’t team together all that often.  It’s nice to see Bryan have a feud and getting ring time though instead of just coming in and out at times.  Not bad here but I think they could do better.

Bryan is bagged again post match.

Johnny Curtis has ketchup, mustard and mayonnaise in front of him but leaves the mustard, because he can’t cut it.

Show is in the back to talk about the attack from Mark Henry, saying he’s fine.  He doesn’t have much to say to Striker.  Show says Henry was in the wrong place at the wrong time.  This results in a video about Henry for some reason.  As Show is talking some more, Henry pops up to spear him through the set and says better is better.

Intercontinental Title: Ezekiel Jackson vs. Wade Barrett

 

Barrett jumps him in the aisle to take over.  This is pre-match I think.   The referee says he’s not ringing the bell until Zeke is on his feet.  Here we go and Barrett has a big advantage.  Neckbreaker gets two.  Jackson gets in some kicks but that’s about all as Barrett takes him down and throws on a chinlock.  Boss Man Slam gets two.

Jackson catches Barrett in a release Rock Bottom to get us back to even.  And never mind as Barrett takes over on the floor again and gets two back inside.  Barrett tries Wasteland but Jackson easily counters it into the Torture Rack and we’re done at 4:35.  Dang it I wanted to see those slams!

Rating: C. Nowhere near as good as their match Sunday but hopefully this ends things and we can move onto something else.  I wouldn’t be opposed to Jackson vs. Rhodes for awhile as Jackson is more or less all looks so there’s your story.  Barrett is in a weird place now as I don’t want to see him vs. Orton but he’s a bit bigger than the midcard.  Should be interesting.

Orton says it’s borderline comical that Christian might get another shot and he’s laughing on the inside.  He’ll face Christian again if Christian wins, but the closest Christian will get to the title is having it go upside his head.

Slater and Gabriel make fun of Barrett, who says he has big plans.  He also wants to know where they’ve been for the last few weeks.  They say they’re going to go win a rematch.

Usos vs. Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater

 

The Usos are embracing their wild Samoan side a big more it seems with what sounds like a tribal chant to start their music and they yell a lot.  Apparently it was a war dance they were doing.  Slater/Gabriel have new music that is pretty generic but not bad.  Gabriel starts vs. we’ll call him Jimmy.  Quickly off to Jey who gets a northern lights suplex for two.

Justin sends him to the floor and Slater adds in a dive to take over.  The former champions tag in and out rather well.  The crowd isn’t all that thrilled here but they’re trying at least.  Booker and Josh have no idea which Uso is which.  Gabriel teases a springboard but takes Jimmy’s leg out instead.  Off to a Fujiwara Armbar which doesn’t last long.  Off to Jey and Slater who is caught in a Bubba Bomb for no cover.  Oh apparently that’s Jimmy.  Does it really matter?  Jimmy pop locks or something before hitting a superkick to Slater but the top rope splash eats knees and we’re done at 4:28.

Rating: C. Just a tag match here that didn’t do much but it’s good to see actual teams go at it more than once at a time.  It won’t go anywhere as far as a feud or a division but it’s an improvement.  Pretty average TV tag match and the Usos looked good.  I don’t want to see another Wild Samoan team though.  Not sure if it would work for smaller guys.

Cena says don’t try this.

Yoshi Tatsu vs. Jinder Mahal

 

Khali comes into the ring but Guido hasn’t rung the bell yet in the first place.  This is a big beating and Mahal leaves Tatsu laying with a full nelson slam.  Khali sends him to the floor and the Indians stand tall.  Match never even started.  Mahal says that was just a sample and that he was born the best.  There will be no more dancing and no more kiss cam because the Eastern Winds will blow through the entire WWE.

Kane vs. Christian

 

I’d assume if Kane wins he gets the shot at the PPV.  Christian has to use speed to start but baldie shoves him around with ease.  Kane sends him into the buckle chest first and the beating is on.  Christian gets a right hand in but it just ticks Kane off so he pops Christian down with ease.  Christian tries some leverage stuff and guillotines Kane’s throat on the top rope.

The Canadian takes over and tries to smother Kane more or less by putting his hands over Kane’s mouth.  That’s one way to put him down.  Christian low bridges Kane and we head to the floor where Kane is rammed into the railing.  Back inside, Christian goes up and hits a swan dive to keep Kane down.  We hit the chinlock and take a break.  Back with Christian still in control and firing off some right hands.

Those don’t seem to work as Kane hits a side slam for two.  Kane takes over and hits a tilt-a-whirl slam for two.  Christian tries to go up and manages to hit the tornado DDT for two.  Kane gets a big boot and heads up.  Christian pulls him off, only for two though.  He throws a bit of a fit and is all upset about the kickout.  The fit ends and Christian goes up, only to jump into an uppercut for two.  Kane goes up one more time and this time the clothesline hits.  Kane calls for the chokeslam….and here’s Mark Henry for the DQ at 10:07 shown of 13:37.

Rating: B-. Pretty good match here for a power vs. speed match.  Christian was jumping and using moves that with the proper momentum he was able to make look realistic, which is a very key thing for a match like this.  Christian has been on a roll lately in the ring and this was no exception.  Fun stuff.

Henry keeps beating on Kane post match and goes after Christian for a bit before they double team Kane.  Teddy comes out and says one more match, this time in a tag team match.  Orton comes out to be the partner.  Nice pop for Randy.

Kane/Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry/Christian

 

I guess whoever gets the pin gets the shot?  It’s not really clear.  Actually I’d bet it’s only Christian that can because there was never any mention of Kane potentially winning the shot.  Christian and Orton start us off after the break.  Orton takes over quickly and hits the knee drop for two.  Christian brings in Henry who runs through Orton and it’s back to Christian.

Ok apparently if Christian’s team wins, he gets the shot.  So what’s in this for Kane and Henry?  Henry misses a drop onto Orton’s chest and here’s Kane.  Kane is sent to the floor but guillotines Henry on the top rope for two.  There’s the top rope clothesline for two.  Henry runs over Kane too and it’s off to Christian.  He hammers on the back of Kane as this has been almost one sided.

The big fat tub of goo comes in again and gets two off a right hand.  Kane gets a chokeslam out of nowhere and both guys are down.  Double tags bring in Orton and Christian and Randy hits his chest sticking out Thesz Press.  Henry comes in but can’t get the World’s Strongest Slam.  Orton counters into an RKO attempt but is shoved into Christian who takes the RKO instead.  Henry is legal though and hits the Slam for the pin at 7:31.

Rating: C. Just a main event tag match here but after the long main event earlier that’s fine.  I just hope this doesn’t end with Henry being a challenger to Orton as he’s certainly not someone I want to see in the main event scene.  Not bad here but it was nothing we haven’t seen a hundred times before.

Christian taunts Randy with the belt to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. I liked it better than last week but not by much.  The main thing here is that the show is lacking that energy that they had before.  I’m not entirely sure why but it feels like they’re kind of going through the motions anymore.  The biggest issue I think is that nearly everything here is stuff we’ve seen before.  Other than Kane and Henry being added, everything has been done before, namely in the last week or so.  Not bad and better than last week but not awesome as I’m accustomed to with Smackdown.

Results

Sin Cara b. Ted DiBiase – Headscissors into a mat slam

Cody Rhodes b. Daniel Bryan – Cross Rhodes

Ezekiel Jackson b. Wade Barrett – Torture Rack

Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel b. The Usos – Slater pinned Jimmy with a small package

Kane b. Christian via DQ when Mark Henry interfered

Mark Henry/Christian b. Randy Orton/Kane – World’s Strongest Slam to Orton

NXT
Date: June 21, 2011
Location: Giant Center, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Todd Grisham, William Regal

It’s week whatever here (It’s week whatever here) and there are no signs of us getting done with this show yet.  We have three people left in the forms of O’Brian, O’Neil and Young.  Other than that there isn’t much else going on here, which to be fair can be said nearly every week around here.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Lucky Cannon’s stuff over the course of the season.  I think this is the same video we opened last week with.  Cannon kind of reminds me of Kelso from That 70’s Show.  At least they’re not airing the wrong episode because there’s the elimination from last week.

They’re still wild, but after being on this season for this long can you still classify them as young?

There’s another elimination next week.

Here’s Horny with Titus to open the show.  Apparently the small one has some business with Maryse.  And here she is to at least make the show more fun to look at.  Horny mumbles a lot and Titus translates.  Apparently Horny has a surprise for her and has her hold her hand out.  He puts a box in her hand and it’s a ring pop.  I haven’t had one of those in years.  She insults him for it because she’s not nice anymore.  The ring is thrown in his face and she leaves him all upset.

And of all people here’s Zack Ryder.  He was the pro for Titus on NXT Season 2.  Decent reaction but not exactly the explosion that you would expect from what you read about him online.  The tall people compared Ryder and Horny’s merits as Pros and Ryder threatens to fist pump Titus’ face.  Striker makes the obvious main event.

Vladimir Kozlov/Yoshi Tatsu/Conor O’Brian vs. Chavo Guerrero/JTG/Darren Young

 

Regal goes into another rant about JTG, saying he’s been waking up half an hour earlier so he can hate him that much longer every day.  Young and O’Brian start us off.  This is about as riveting as you would expect them to be if you’ve watched their matches all season.  Conor runs him off after awhile and here’s Chavo.  Regal apparently had Chavo’s first match in WCW.

Conor is holding his arm kind of funny after a bit so here’s Yoshi to fight JTG.  Regal talks about losing a bet about Cannon last week but not having any money due to the women he has to pay for.  Koz comes in and cleans some house.  Powerslam gets two for Kozlov as Regal praises him.  Vlad cleans house and Conor helps out a bit as we take a break.  Back with Vlad getting two on Chavo off a powerslam.

The rookies beat on each other for a bit with the main work being on the knee of O’Brian.  Off to JTG and this goes on way too long.  They’ve been working on his knee for five minutes now.  Everyone gets in a lot of time on it with JTG on it at the moment.  Conor gets some shots in but Chavo gets a drop toehold to take him right back down.

After about eight minutes of O’Brian getting beaten on (seriously) it’s close enough to a tag to bring in Yoshi.  He cleans house and hits a spin kick to take JTG down.  Shining Wizard gets one as everything breaks down.  Koz gets a pretty nice double suplex on Chavo and Young to send them to the floor.  And never mind as Tatsu kicks JTG’s head off for the pin at 15:20.

Rating: C-. They’re trying so hard to make us care about O’Brian and it’s almost a guarantee he’s making the finals if not winning the whole thing, just so we can see him next season again.  I never once wanted to see him make the tag, which at times I often do in these matches.  He flat out isn’t interesting and that’s all there is to it.  Way too long here.

We’re told that the votes messed up last night and Sin Cara actually should have faced Bourne.  That explains a few things.  They’ll have a match on Raw to make up for it.

Raw Rebound is about the Punk segment last night.

Tyson Kidd is talking to Lucky Cannon on the phone and says there won’t be a recount.  He says he has to go because he comes up on I guess you would call it a shrine in a locker with candles and all that jazz.  There’s a Yoshi Tatsu action figure in the middle and Yoshi comes up, saying not to touch it.  Kidd leaves and Yoshi puts a Hershey bar in front of it (huge pop.  Remember the town they’re in) and bows to it.  I have no idea what to say to that.

Titus O’Neil vs. Zack Ryder

 

Regal has a quick thing about Ryder also: his old partner Dave Taylor had a hand in training Ryder.  Ryder charges straight at him which gets him beaten up.  Grisham actually mentions the Youtube show and the Internet Championship.  Titus gets a headlock on for awhile and then runs Ryder over.  Horny bites Ryder on the license plate on his tights, allowing O’Neil to get a school boy for two as we take a break.

Back with Ryder taking over after a knee lift.  He chokes away a lot as I guess he’s still a heel on TV.  They need to pick one or the other, because he’s constantly changing back and forth.  Off to the chinlock as Regal points out that Horny is the only person that keeps Titus going.  Ryder gets a running facewash in the corner which has a proper name that I can’t think of.  It only gets two and it’s back to the chinlock.  They get back up and here’s the comeback for Titus.  Ryder hits the floor and goes after Horny, prompting a brief bit on the floor.  Back in, O’Neil walks into the Rough Ryder for the pin at 8:30.

Rating: C. Not bad but kind of long here.  The reaction for Ryder was ok at best which isn’t really that surprising.  He’s ok in the ring but not particularly good.  Also interesting to hear them actually acknowledge his Youtube show and a nice little change of pace.  The match itself was just kind of there and not that interesting.

Overall Rating: C-. Not a horrible show here and thankfully we get it down to the final two next week.  If the matches were a bit better this could work overall.  The same old issues come up again here: everyone has faced each other time after time and there’s no one caring about anything.  The season almost has to be winding down soon though so at least we can get a fresh batch next season.  Not horrible overall tonight though.

Results

Yoshi Tatsu/Vladimir Kozlov/Conor O’Brian b. Darren Young/JTG/Chavo Guerrer – High Kick to JTG

Zack Ryder b. Titus O’Neil – Rough Ryder

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 20, 2011
Location: 1^st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Booker T

It’s another three hour Raw coming off a rather weak PPV last night in the form of Capitol Punishment.  It’s Power to the People tonight which more or less means Viewer’s Choice, as the fans are going to pick the matches and the participants in them.  This was rather interesting last year so maybe we’ve got a winner on our hands.  Let’s get to it.

 

You’re going to get three options and you text in your selection of A, B or C.

Here’s Punk to open the show.  Last night he promised the most honest act in WWE history.  He sits down in the middle of the ring and says that he wouldn’t trust the people with the content of this show.  After all, they choose to live in Baltimore, Maryland.  Punk says they can’t pick what he’s going to do tonight.  He’s the best wrestler (his word) in the world and he’s beaten Cena and Mysterio within the last week.

Wins and losses still mean something and they mean he’s the #1 contender.  It’s not a debate or argument.  Based on what he’s done, it’s fact.  He wants the GM to send an E-Mail and make it official.  He’s not going anywhere until he’s named #1 contender to the WWE Championship of the World (spoken like Road Dogg used to say it).  The GM says he’ll take the demands under consideration but right now Punk needs to leave the ring.

Punk seems annoyed and there’s another E-Mail, with the GM saying it more emphatically this time.  Punk says no and makes snow angels minus the snow.  Another E-Mail says he was going to be named #1 contender later but since Punk disrespected him it’s Punk vs. Alberto for the spot later.  Punk says he’s used to people making bad decisions but Alberto has one big win which was last night.  Another E-Mail makes it a triple threat with Rey added in.  Punk is limping as he leaves.

First vote: Who does Brie Bella defend the title against?

Eve

Kelly Kelly

Beth Phoenix

Back with the results:

Eve: 11%

Kelly Kelly: 53%

Beth Phoenix: 36%

Divas Title: Brie Bella vs. Kelly Kelly

 

Cole mistakenly says Kelly is a former champion.  Brie runs early on and Nikki teases interference, allowing Brie to get in a shot and take over.  Off to the chinlock with Kelly in trouble.  Kelly starts her comeback but gets caught in a neckbreaker for two.  Kelly tries a victory roll out of the corner but Brie reverses ala Owen Hart.  That gets reversed as well though into another victory roll position and Kelly wins the title at 3:02.

Rating: C-. Well this was only about three years too late but she finally won it I guess.  She’s gotten a bit better in the ring but this isn’t much of note.  Not a horrible match but this was incredibly generic.  The Bellas were more or less done as champions though so there’s not many reasons to not make this switch.

Lawler does a quick interview post match and Kelly starts crying as she says power to the people.

Video on Bourne who can jump a lot.

Second Vote: Who does Evan Bourne face?

Jack Swagger

Mason Ryan

Sin Cara

Results say:

Jack Swagger: 19%

Mason Ryan: 51%

Sin Cara: 30%

Evan Bourne vs. Mason Ryan

 

Kind of surprised by that actually.  Ryan stalks him to start but Bourne can’t get a single thing going.  The fans chant something that sounds like Batista as he uses a lot of offense like Big Dave.  Bourne gets a dropkick in and Ryan shrugs it off.  A pair of backbreakers set up a fallaway slam and have Bourne barely able to fight back at all.

Ryan puts him on the apron where Evan is able to get some kicks in.  Jumping knee in the corner has Ryan in trouble…and never mind as he gets an easy gorilla press slam to take over again.  And then Ryan screws up by putting Bourne on the top rope in Shooting Star position.  That misses and Bourne gets an ugly small package for two.  Bourne goes up again but jumps into a Side Effect for the pin at 4:06.

Rating: C. Not bad here in what might have been Ryan’s longest singles match to date.  Bourne was kind of handicapped here but he was trying at least.  Ryan is getting better very slowly but it’s coming.  With his look and power it’s not like he has to do that much in the ring, and they’re playing to that.

Third vote: Pick Kane vs. Mark Henry’s stipulation.

Body Slam Challenge

Arm Wrestling

Over the Top Challenge

Raw Roulette is back next week.

Mark Henry vs. Kane

 

Pre match Henry says when people mess with him, they get punished, just like Big Show last night.  There are two differences between Show and Henry.  When Show walks the Earth, the Earth shakes.  When Henry walks the Earth, the people shake.  Isn’t that one difference?  Bigger isn’t better in this case.  The results are up next.

The people say:

Body Slam Challenge: 13%

Arm Wrestling: 52%

Over the Top Challenge: 35%

Uh….ok then.  If you’ve ever seen an arm wrestling match on a wrestling show, you know what’s going on here.  After a bunch of stalling we get going.  Henry drills Kane once he was in trouble for the DQ.  They brawl a bit and Henry hits him with the table.  Henry takes him to the floor and hits the World’s Strongest Slam through the table like he did to Big Show last night.

Truth is up next.

Here’s R-Truth to complain about how the conspiracy is still going strong.  He says that it wasn’t the computer that got him last night.  It was Little Jimmy.  And the Big Jimmy too.  He got got by Little Jimmy!  Cue Christian of all people who goes on his usual thing about how the people made him face Orton five days after winning the title.  The setbacks are due to the people, not him.

Last night though it was due to the bad refereeing.  We get a shot from last night with Christian having his foot under the ropes.  He actually does have a point in that one.  Christian demands that justice be served.  He only needs one more shot.  Truth asks how many chances he’s had.  That’s not the point though.  At least Christian has been champion.  Last night Truth got got by Little Jimmy!  Christian: “Who is Little Jimmy?”  Truth goes into his “the Little Jimmys want me to be a good R-Truth” thing but here’s Miz to interrupt again.

Miz says that he’s the only one that has a chance to complain because there was a partisan referee last night.  Christian makes fun of Miz because he was the only one not in a title match.  This turns into a bizarre three way yelling match of them shouting REALLY, RANDY, RILEY and ultimately JIMMY at each other back and forth.  This was hilarious in the weird way.  Teddy Long breaks it up and says that tonight it’s a six man main event with these three against Cena, Orton and Riley with the people picking the stipulations.

Fourth vote: Pick the stipulations for Kingston vs. Ziggler for the US Title.

2/3 falls

Vickie barred from ringside

Submission

The results say:

2/3 falls: 51%

Vickie barred from ringside: 31%

Submission: 18%

US Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston

2/3 falls here then.  Kofi is rather aggressive to start us off, taking over with relative ease.  He kicks Dolph to the floor and then stays all aggressive on him with punches and chokes.  Kofi misses a dive though and it’s time for a break.  Back and it’s 1-0 Dolph who got the fall using the Zig Zag during the break.  Dolph uses chinlocks and an armbar to keep his advantage.  Nice dropkick by the champion.

Fameasser gets two.  Dolph keeps hammering away but Kofi gets the SOS out of nowhere to make it 1-1.  Neckbreaker takes over for Dolph again and it’s back to the chinlock.  Kofi hits a slingshot to send Dolph into the post ala Hennig and takes over with strikes.  Double stomp gets two.  Dolph grabs a rollup with tights for two.  Kofi goes up and hits something similar to Delirious’ Shadows Over Hell for two.

Dolph hits the floor and grabs the belt but it misses Kofi.  Trouble in Paradise hits but they’re on the floor.  Back in that gets two as Dolph puts his fingers on the rope.  They kind of messed it up as Dolph grabbed the rope a half second late but it was called anyway.  Dolph tries to run again and this time gets a shot with the microphone for the DQ at 12:35.

Rating: C+. The third fall was better but the first two were kind of weak.  The problem for these two is that they’ve fought so many times that it’s kind of getting old.  The matches are still pretty good but we can only see them go at it so many times.  They need something else to do.

Cole rants about the people having the power tonight due to Austin and we get a clip of that being decided last week.  The computer being destroyed was kind of funny.

Fifth Vote: Pick the stipulations for the triple threat.

No DQ

Falls Count Anywhere

Submission

Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio

 

Alberto says that what happened to Show and Ricardo was destiny, not bad luck.  Him winning tonight is also destiny.  The results and the other entrances are next.

No DQ: 23%

Falls Count Anywhere: 66%

Submission: 11%

Rey grabs rollups on both guys to start us off.  Standard triple threat style here with one guy being down while the other two do their thing.  We head to the floor with Punk hitting a powerbomb for two on Alberto.  Seated senton off the apron gets two on Punk.  Back and Rey takes over on Punk getting some covers off a headscissors.  Alberto takes Rey down and it’s heel vs. heel for awhile.

GTS doesn’t work but Alberto gets his Codebreaker to the arm for two.  Rey comes back in and gets a rana on Alberto to set up the 619.  Punk is put in the same position but he catches Rey in the GTS.  Alberto breaks that up and Punk kicks him in the head for two.  Tower of Doom spot sees Alberto powerbomb Punk who suplexes Rey.  Covers get two on both guys.

Del Rio takes over but misses a charge, ramming his shoulder into the post.  Rey sets for a dive on him but Punk breaks it up.  A charging Punk eats feet and Rey hits something like a Swanton before immediately popping up and hitting a suicide dive to take Alberto out.  Rey gets a seated senton for two.  They go to the corner and Rey is knocked into the cross armbreaker.  Punk drops a leg on Alberto to break it up and get two.  Rey takes Alberto down and hits the springboard splash.  Punk pops back in and sends Rey into the post so he can steal the pin on Alberto at 11:35.

Rating: C+. Pretty decent match here with them doing a lot of the usual stuff that you would expect them to in a triple threat.  Not bad here and Punk winning is right, but I kind of fail to see the point in having Rey out there.  If Punk already beat him once, why would he be in this match?  Either way, not bad.

Punk talks about his honesty thing.  He’ll win the title on July 17 at Money in the Bank.  That day is also significant due to it being the day his contract expires.  He’s leaving after it and he’s taking the title with him.  That’s a new one.

Sixth vote: Pick the stipulation for Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan.

Paper Bag Match

No Count Out

Collegiate Rules Match

Daniel Bryan vs. Cody Rhodes

 

Paper Bag Match: 43%

No Count Out: 51%

Collegiate Rules Match: 6%

Not exactly the best set of options here.  Bryan kicks him to the floor almost immediately and gets a suplex onto the ramp.  It’s just no count out, not hardcore/falls count anywhere mind you.  Back in the ring a missile dropkick gets two.  Cody gets a sick looking Beautiful Disaster kick for two.  Bryan almost gets the LeBell Lock but gets caught in a slingshot instead.  Small package gets two but Bryan reverses into one of his own for the pin at 2:40.  Nothing of note here but it wasn’t bad.

LeBell Lock goes on Cody post match but DiBiase comes in for the double beatdown.  There’s an Alabama Slam to Bryan and Cross Rhodes followed by the bagging.

Seventh vote: Vickie Guerrero will have a dance contest with who?

Michael Cole

Jerry Lawler

Booker T

Before the results we recap the show so far.

Vickie says she’ll win, talking about how she used to have a bunch of dancing experience, including exotic with the stage name of peaches.  She even quotes Sable with the men who came to see me line.  Striker has to dance with her for some reason.  She kisses him and I think he liked it.  Or maybe hated it.  Leaning more towards hated it.

Here are the results of the poll.

Michael Cole: 47%

Jerry Lawler: 39%

Booker T: 14%

Well sure why not.  Cole has way too much fun doing this, even throwing in the Worm (kind of) and the Spinarooni (about as good as you would expect).  Oddly enough Cole gets a better reaction and wins the thing.  Vickie slaps the taste out of his mouth post match.

Eighth vote: The stipulations for the main event.

One Fall to A Finish

20 Minute Time Limit

Elimination Match

Gee I wonder which it’ll be.

Christian/R-Truth/The Miz vs. John Cena/Randy Orton/Alex Riley

 

One Fall to A Finish: 15%

20 Minute Time Limit: 6%

Elimination Match: 79%

The bell is after the break.  Miz vs. Cena start us off which goes nowhere for the most part.  Off to Orton and Christian as we keep our brand representation balanced.  They keep hammering on Orton’s head to play up the concussion aspect.  Truth throws on a chinlock and Randy can’t make a rope for a good while.  A suplex gets him out of it though but Christian blocks the tag.

Killswitch and RKO both are countered and a reverse DDT gets two.  Spear is caught in a powerslam and it’s hot tag to Riley.  Riley actually cleans some house on all three guys and escapes the Killswitch.  He almost gets the inverted DDT on Miz and Christian but gets caught in a double team.  Cena comes in and the distraction allows Miz to get the Skull Crushing Finale to go up 3-2 and we take a break.

Back with Orton being covered for two by Miz off a move we didn’t see.  Orton gets a shot in and it’s off to Cena.  Here’s the finishing sequence on Miz but the AA is blocked.  Neckbreaker gets two for Miz.  Running clothesline in the corner hits and Miz goes up.  He misses a double axe but jumps into the STF.  Truth makes the save though and everything breaks down for a bit.

Everyone gets a shot or two in on Cena until it’s off to Truth.  Sitout gordbuster gets two.  Cena gets a fisherman’s suplex to break the momentum and it seems like they mess something up as Cena lays there like a foot from Orton for about ten seconds but he never makes it.  Off to Miz who walks into the AA to make it 2-2.  Truth comes in and throws on a chinlock for a bit.

Off to Christian who misses a top rope splash/headbutt to put both guys down.  Double tags bring in Truth and Orton.  Powerslam to the nutjob and Orton goes all psycho.  Elevated DDT hits.  Christian breaks up the RKO and Truth misses an axe kick.  RKO gets us down to the Super Best Friends vs. Christian.  Orton walks into a spear and Christian pins him.  He walks into the AA but grabs the rope to escape.  The sore loser known as Randy Orton hits an RKO, allowing the STF to end Christian at 20:00.

Rating: C-. Not horrible here but just kind of there as a main event six man.  The twist to it helped a bit but at the same time it didn’t really mean much.  As always WWE more or less burns a week off after a PPV which is really annoying but it’s the way things work anymore.  Wasn’t impressed here and this was just ok at best.

Overall Rating: D. Did not like this at all for the most part.  The choices were ok for awhile and then they got into the standard pattern of two options that suck and one good one which is more or less a guaranteed pick.  Other than Punk vs. Cena being set up, there wasn’t much that actually happened tonight and for the second three hour Raw in a row, that’s not a good thing.  Really not a fan here and the whole thing fell pretty flat.

Results

Kelly Kelly b. Brie Bella – Victory Roll

Mason Ryan b. Evan Bourne – Sit Out Rock Bottom

Kane b. Mark Henry in an arm wrestling match via DQ when Henry punched Kane

Kofi Kingston b. Dolph Ziggler – Kingston won the third fall by DQ when Ziggler hit him with the microphone

Daniel Bryan b. Cody Rhodes – Small Package

Randy Orton/John Cena/Alex Riley b. R-Truth/Christian/The Miz – STF to Christian

Capitol Punishment 2011
Date: June 19, 2011
Location: Verizon Center, Washington D.C.
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Jerry Lawler

Time for another B show PPV.  The main events are Orton vs. Christian III and Cena vs. Truth for the titles.  This has a bit of a better feel to it than Over the Limit, but I’m not sure if that’s going to be enough to carry them to a better result.  At least the main event is fresh and the other one has been well built.  Can’t ask for much more than that.  Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Truth and his alleged conspiracy complete with videos of various other scandals and conspiracies in Washington DC, such as Clinton and Nixon.

The set is pretty cool looking as it looks like the Capitol Building.

US Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler

 

The red white and blue ropes are a nice touch.  These two have had so many matches that it’s hard for them to not have a decent match.  Kofi goes into his usual controlled frenzy (coming soon to a t-shirt near you) but the kick misses.  Dolph takes over with his basic stuff.  Dropkick takes Kofi down as we make Vickie is fat jokes.  We hear about Dolph at Kent State because we haven’t heard about that in a few minutes.  Kofi gets a cradle for a quick two and that’s about it for this run on offense.

Off to an armbar by Dolph and there’s the sleeper but Kofi gets out of it rather quickly.  Kofi starts his series of strikes and takes over.  He hits a cross body to the back which is kind of weird but whatever.  Boom Drop hits and he loads up Trouble in Paradise which misses, but he does grab the SOS for two.  Both guys get rollups for two and the Zig Zag doesn’t work.  Kofi gets something like a double stomp for two.

Up to the corner they go with Dolph trying a superplex.  Kofi knocks him off and hits the huge cross body which always looks awesome but it only gets two here.  Another SOS is countered into the Sleeper which is countered again.  Trouble in Paradise and the Zig Zag miss but Vickie rakes the eyes of Kofi and there’s the Sleeper in the middle of the ring.  Dolph kicks off the ropes to get them back into the middle of the ring and somehow that’s all cool and Dolph is champion.  Well of course not as that would mean consistency in the rules.  Dolph Ziggler is a freaking Triple Crown Champion.

Rating: B-. The ending was a bit confusing as they took too long to announce the winner.  Also the ropes aspect was pretty stupid since Dolph touched them which is usually grounds for a break, but here it’s not because that goes against the planned finish.  Good match though as these two know each other so well so it was a big match of counters and avoiding finishers, which is always fun.

Truth arrives with the title and says that he’s going to a party and Josh is invited.  They walk around and Truth runs into Eve who says she doesn’t know him anymore.  He goes all psycho and dedicates the upcoming win to all the little Jimmys and Jennys.

Miz is tired of hearing about Riley.  He won the world title and he won in the main event of Wrestlemania while Riley was carrying the briefcase.  There’s a line between them and tonight he’s going to prove that.  Serious but good stuff here.

We recap Miz vs. Riley.  It’s the classic mentor/mentee feud with them being all cool until Miz lost the title, which made him blame Riley when things started going downhill.  Riley technically cost Miz the title twice and Riley snapped and massacred Miz a few times on Raw, setting up this match.

The Miz vs. Alex Riley

 

Miz has the case with him now and actually comes out first.  The balloons saying AWESOME are back which are a nice touch.  Riley is the hometown boy so he’s pretty well received.  Cole goes into full on Miz is AWESOME mode, cheering for everything he says and bashing Riley completely.  Miz talks trash and Riley hammers away.  Riley chases him for a bit but charges into a big boot to give Miz the advantage.

The beating begins and Riley is in trouble.  Miz keeps backing away from the punches Riley tries to throw and keeps the advantage.  Low DDT gets two.  Miz likes to throw boots.  Other than that quick opening Riley has gotten beaten pretty badly here.  Riley gets a shoulder into the corner but a second hits the post.  About the 10^th big boot of the match puts Riley down outside.

Miz more or less stalks him and lets Riley miss punch after punch.  One of them finally hits and here’s the comeback.  And scratch that as Miz grabs a chinlock and brings Riley right back down.  Corner clothesline by Miz as Riley is in big trouble.  Double axe off the top by Miz hits which is a pretty rare sight.  Riley goes into the Tree of Woe as King praises him for his ability to punch.

Booker keeps calling for the match to be stopped but Riley gets out of the way of a charging Miz to send Miz’s balls into the post ala Curt Hennig.  Riley hits a spear and takes over.  I’m so over that move it’s unreal.  Spinebuster gets two.  Miz sends him to the floor, only for Riley to get in another shot for two.

Out to the floor we go as Cole runs his mouth even more.  Riley finally has had enough of him and there goes Cole.  Miz gets all ticked off and gets the briefcase which of course doesn’t get him anymore.  Riley grabs an inverted DDT (Edgecution) and gets the clean pin on the Miz.  Never would have seen that one coming at all.

Rating: C+. Rather surprised here as Miz would have seemed to be the pick to win this one.  Either way you can’t say that they’re not trying to push someone else.  I can’t imagine this is the end of the feud and I hope it isn’t, as Miz and Riley have an actual feud between them which helps a lot.

Sgt. Slaughter is in the back with….oh let’s just get it over with.  It’s a bad Obama impersonator and he makes Obamacare jokes and Vickie comes up to him and sings Happy Father’s Day before the Secret Service guys take him away.  This was idiotic.  At least get a guy that looks like him.

We recap Big Show vs. Alberto.  It’s more or less the same video we’ve seen a dozen times now with Show being run over (yet somehow being fine three weeks later) and then going insane on everyone in sight.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show

 

Show jumps Alberto during his entrance and the beating begins.  After a few seconds of that, here’s Mark Henry to jump Show, sending him onto the announce table and hitting the World’s Strongest Slam through it.  I don’t think the bell ever rang.  Henry comes back and works on the knee of Show for like a second, apparently reinjuring his knee.  The referee starts the count.  HOW IS THIS NOT A FREAKING DISQUALIFICATION???  Unbelievable.  They’re actually letting this go on because the bell never rang.

Show gets in at like 8 and we’re going to do this.  The bell rings once Show is already in the ring after an 8 as there had to be a rule broken in there somewhere.  Del Rio goes after the knee and gets Show down but his cover completely fails.  Show gets a wicked chokeslam to send Del Rio to the floor.  Show’s leg is done though so he can’t follow up.  Del Rio goes up top but jumps into another chokeslam attempt.

Del Rio gets a kick to the knee again though and tries the Cross Armbreaker.  You know, because he’s worked on the arm so much.  Can’t stand idiotic thought like that.  Show easily counters but takes another shot to the leg and Del Rio throws on a Cross Legbreaker to put Show in trouble.  Show gets out of the hold and fights up.  Actually he tries to but keeps falling down and they stop it.  What a freaking mess.

Rating: D-. What a freaking mess this was.  So somehow the referee is all cool with Henry destroying Show like that and just lets the match go on before stopping it due to Show not being able to stand up?  Just a huge mess the entire time and it came off like a total trainwreck.  This is the flaw in Show: you have to do stupid stuff like this to make him seem even remotely beatable and it gets a bit annoying.

Truth rants a bit more about name plates on the belt or something.

Wade Barrett does the always cool walking promo, talking about how he doesn’t like being in DC.  Insert Anthony Weiner joke here.  He makes fun of America and the national debt, saying all of us will be speaking Chinese in about twenty years.  Oh and we need a king of queen.  America is a hollow shell, just like Jackson.

Intercontinental Title: Ezekiel Jackson vs. Wade Barrett

 

There’s the required USA chant from the idiot fans.  Jackson almost gets the Rack about a minute in but Barrett hits the floor to hide.  Barrett gets a big boot in the corner to take over for two.  Boss Man Slam gets two also.  Pumphandle slam works on the second attempt and Barrett keeps his dominance going.  A running big boot misses though and Jackson starts his comeback.

Another charge misses for Barrett but he blocks the slams.  Wasteland hits and it only gets two.  Barrett’s face is great as he is SHOCKED.  There’s the USA chant again to waste some intelligence.  Here come the slams and Jackson is all fired up.  Torture Rack goes on and we have a new champion.

Rating: C-. Not much here as Jackson did what he needed to but it was still pretty boring.  Not sure where he goes with it either but he needed to win a title to validate himself I guess.  Barrett has already proven himself so the title doesn’t mean much to him anymore.  Not bad but kind of dull overall.

Lawler goes to ask Jackson how it feels to win and he talks about declaring independence or something like that.

More stupid Obama stuff with Beth, Kelly and Santino meeting the bad impersonator.  Santino teaches him the Cobra and the Secret Service panics, taking down Santino.

Punk talks about how DC is corrupt and everyone lies.  He’s not a liar though and makes fun of the term sports entertainer.  Rey isn’t a hero and is just trying to get rich, like everyone else.  Punk is different because he tells you he’s using you.  After he beats Rey, he’s going to do the most honest thing the WWE Universe has ever seen.  Interesting.

Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk

 

Loud Punk chant by the smark crowd.  Basic back and forth stuff to start as Cole talks about how all of Punk’s tattoos have meaning.  He doesn’t say what those meanings are but they have meanings.  They trade strikes until Rey sends him to the floor and hits a baseball slide.  A seated senton off the ropes is countered into a hot shot into the barrier by Punk who takes over.

Surfboard goes on by Punk as I smile because Rey is screaming.  Rey tries to speed things up but walks into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to set up that body scissors that Punk uses rather often.  Rey gets him into the 619 position, only to have his head taken off by a Punk clothesline.  Abdominal stretch goes on and Punk has to lean WAY down to get that hold on.  Drop toehold sends Punk’s nose into the buckle, only to get caught in the Tree of Woe.  Little masked freak deserves it.

Rey sends him to the floor and a big old Asai Moonsault takes Punk down.  Punk is shaking his hand like he lost some feeling in it for a bit.  Back in and Mysterio gets something resembling a top rope shoulder block for two.  Punk rotates through the spinning cross body for two.  They speed things up and it turns into a kick off.  Swinging kick to the head gets two for Rey.

Belly to back off the top gets two for Punk who is still shaking his arm and hand a bit.  Rey goes up but a splash eats knees which gets two for Punk.  CM calls for the GTS and fires off some knees but the GTS is countered into a hurricanrana.  A kick to the head gets two for Punk as the crowd is finally getting into this.  Another GTS is countered into the 619 but Punk grabs that into the GTS for the pin, his second on PPV since he beat Taker via submission and both have been over Rey.

Rating: B+. Good match here as these two definitely have chemistry together.  Punk’s speech pre-match is rather interesting as I’m curious as to what the most honest thing in the WWE is and given Punk, that could be a lot.  Maybe a feud with Cena?  As in a proper one minus Nexus?  One can only hope.

We recap Christian vs. Orton, which I’m sure you know the story to by now.  Christian won the title and had to defend it five days later against Orton who won it.  Christian slowly went nuts, claiming that it was unfair and then turned heel, bashing Randy with the title.  This is match #3 in their series.  Christian’s heel turn speech is still awesome because it made perfect sense and showed him as a totally insecure guy that wasn’t as confident as he made himself up to be which is the most common criticism of him: he’s overrated.

Smackdown World Title: Randy Orton vs. Christian

 

Orton comes out first here which is kind of surprising.  We get big match intros and they actually check for weapons.  There’s an old school move for you.  First two matches in this series were great so hopefully they can keep that up here.  Orton takes over to start with a bunch of punches and his back arching Thesz Press.  They speed things up and Orton gets two off a shoulder block.

Orton keeps avoiding Christian’s stuff including swatting away a dropkick and casually moving away to let Christian crash to the floor on a dive.  Back in the ring and Orton hits nine punches in the corner.  Always something odd about him I guess.  Booker tries to play up the idea that Orton is shaky due to his recent concussion.  Christian puts Orton head first into the steps and his eyes are starting to mess up.

Christian takes over and works on the neck/head, getting a neckbreaker for two.  Spinebuster gets two.  Orton’s head is all messed up now but he manages to whip Christian into the corner to buy himself a few seconds.  Backdrop puts Christian down and Orton pounds away on the chest.  Christian keeps fighting back with shots to the head and heads to the floor.

That doesn’t last long as Orton pulls him back to the apron and then hits a superplex for two.  RKO and Killswitch are both broken up and Orton hits that powerbomb into a neckbreaker that he hasn’t used in years but is still an awesome looking move for two.  Killswitch doesn’t work again so they head to the corner where Orton blocks a good deal of stuff and hits the elevated DDT for two.

Orton goes into his zone but the RKO is countered into a reverse DDT for two.  I love how they keep playing up the history they have with all of these counters to signature moves because they’re so familiar with each other.  Spear misses and Orton tries another RKO but Christian reverses that for the third time and hits the spear for a close two.  Orton pops up with a dropkick to send Christian back into the corner but he walks into the pendulum kick but there’s the RKO out of nowhere and we’re done.  Totally abrupt ending.  Christian’s foot was under the ropes.

Rating: B. Good match but not as good as last month at Over the Limit.  The ending hurt it a bit but I really liked the storytelling they were doing here with the head injury and the counters that went with it.  Good stuff here and they have good chemistry together.  The foot under the ropes might lead to something else but I doubt it.

Christian protests post match but gets decked with the belt anyway.

It’s 10:02 and there’s one match left.  They almost have to throw something out there to fill in time.  They stay in the ring for a LONG time, probably trying to kill off some time.  We see the replay about three times and the foot is clearly under the ropes which Booker and Jerry say is too close to call.

Ad for Money in the Bank which is set up like a fairy tale read by Big Show to Horny who says again after it’s over.  A bit more creative I guess.  The theme song is Shane’s old theme.

Here are the Bellas with some guy named Keith Stone who apparently is a mild celebrity due to something about beer.  They don’t talk or do anything so that’s it.

Recap of Cena vs. Truth.  Truth says that the fans are lied to by Cena and that there’s a big conspiracy going on against Truth.  Everyone else says Truth is nuts, which might be true.  This seems to be the same video from the opening video.

Ah ok there’s a bonus match.  This will help a lot.

Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne

 

The fans want Ryder again.  Let it go already people.  Basic power vs. speed here with no one caring but it’s hard to complain about free wrestling.  Bourne does his speed moves to fly around everywhere and confuse Swagger but Jack catches him and works on the ribs.  We hit the reverse chinlock as the Bellas are in the front row with the beer dude.

Swagger does the pushup on the chest of Bourne which apparently ticks the small man off.  A back body drop of all things gets two for Jack.  Vader Bomb gets two.  Bourne starts his comeback with his usual kicks and basic offense.  He loads up the Shooting Star but has to jump off due to Swagger being up.  Big boot gets two.

Spinning DDT gets two and Bourne busts out the kicks.  Pretty awesome finishing sequence as Bourne sets for the Shooting Star but lands on his feet.  Swagger gets a sweet running charge into the gutwrench powerbomb which is countered into a sunset flip into the ankle lock which Bourne rolls through for the pin.

Rating: B-. I liked this quite a bit actually but I’m a fan of power vs. speed.  This was just a bonus match and it ate up about ten minutes, making the main event far more realistic with about twenty minutes instead of closer to thirty or thirty five.  That finishing sequence was rather good and the whole thing worked rather well, especially when it’s just a bonus.  Can’t complain about free wrestling, especially when it’s pretty good.

And now let’s end this interesting stuff as we have Obama impersonator come out for Vince’s amusement.  The SNL guy looks more like Obama than this one does.  He has the speech pattern down but he doesn’t sound anything like Obama.  He isn’t the GM because there would be more JR.  “I love that fat bastard.”    He wishes Cena luck and the booing is unreal.

He tries to leave but Booker calls him into the ring, calling him a homey.  The guy gets in the ring and just get the Spinarooni out of the way already.  Yep there it is.  It isn’t funny, no one cares, and this wastes more time.

We recap Cena vs. Truth again in case you forgot about it.  This video is different at least.

Raw World Title: R-Truth vs. John Cena

 

Truth has the belt but Cena is champion.  As scary as it is, I could see Truth getting the title here.  Big match intros set up a mixed reaction for Cena as always.  Feeling out process to start but Truth gets in a shot to take over.  Cena sends him to the floor and we stall a bit.  AA doesn’t work and Truth hits a sitout gordbuster to get two.  The dueling chants keep going as Truth gets a kick in for two.

Truth does a You Can’t See Me knockoff which ended in a legdrop for two.  Spinning forearm gets two.  Cena pulls himself up using Truth’s body.  Truth says Cena can’t see him.  This is kind of a slow paced match as Truth’s offense isn’t all that great.  Big hip toss gets two.  Lawler thinks Cena hasn’t taken Truth seriously enough.  Cena gets up but can’t get the STF, only to get kicked down again by Truth.

Suplex gets two.  This is a pretty dull match actually.  Cena starts his comeback with the shoulder blocks.  Five Knuckle Shuffle hits but Truth escapes the AA and hits the suplex into the Stunner “which we’ve NEVER seen before!”  Truth talks to himself a lot but misses a charge in the corner and there’s the STF.  Truth grabs the rope rather quickly though and the axe kick hits out of nowhere for two.  Cena was out fast.

Truth goes up for a cross body but Cena rolls through into the AA attempt.  Truth counters that into the jumping Downward Spiral for two.  Cena hits the floor which would seem to set up something fishy.  Truth goes out to the other side and is looking all crazy.  He steals a hat from a Cena fan and gets a drink of water.  The fan throws the water in Truth’s face!  The distraction is enough for Cena to pull him in and hit the AA to retain!

Rating: D+. Pretty dull match here overall and I wasn’t into it for the most part.  It’s not horrible but it’s just not interesting.  The water going into his face is kind of a nice touch given that Truth did that to a kid on Raw a few weeks ago but at the same time it really wasn’t anything interesting.  Total B show PPV match here and I can’t imagine it’ll go any further, not after Cena beat him clean.

Cena brings the kid into the ring post match and celebrates with the National Guard to end the show.

Rating: C-. This was a pretty weak show overall.  It’s not bad to be sure but overall it feels kind of like it just came and went.  I know I say this a lot but this is a show that would be perfect for the In Your House model.  It’s a B show PPV and that might be being generous.  Cena vs. Truth is a match that’s had a few weeks of build and for the most part, I can’t imagine it continuing after this.  This didn’t feel like an important show at all and while it was ok, it was nothing I’ll ever want to watch again.  That happens far too often in WWE anymore and it’s not good.

Results

Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston – Sleeper

Alex Riley b. The Miz – Inverted DDT

Albert Del Rio b. Big Show – Referee Stoppage

Ezekiel Jackson b. Wade Barrett – Torture Rack

CM Punk b. Rey Mysterio – GTS

Randy Orton b. Christian – RKO

Evan Bourne b. Jack Swagger – Victory Roll

John Cena b. R-Truth – Attitude Adjustment

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 13, 2011
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Long Island, New York
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

This is a three hour show and billed as WWE All-Stars.  The guest GM for the night is Steve Austin so expect some extra fans to be brought in because of him.  It’s also the final show before Capitol Punishment so the final push towards that should happen tonight.  Cena and Truth will probably interact a good deal tonight which should be entertaining.  Let’s get to it.

Cena vs. Punk in the main event.  Oh joy.  The graphics are from the All-Stars game.

Here’s Miz to open the show looking awesome as usual.  Miz says he’s the all time WWE All-Star because he won in the main event on the flagship show last week.  Then again you would have to be a moron to know that.  You know, like Alex Riley.  The crowd does the WHAT thing and Miz makes fun of them for it, saying it was cool in 2001.  No it wasn’t but we’ll let that slide.

Miz calls out Austin and wants to know why every time he looks up there’s Austin or Rock or someone from the Attitude Era trying to steal his spotlight.  Austin owes him an apology apparently and here he is.  Austin gets in his face about his suit and his hair and various other things.  The night the Tough Enough cast debuted Miz came out here and ran his mouth, talking all kinds of trash.

Austin actually gives him some credit for being a silver tongued devil.  Miz tries to say something but Austin cuts him off, saying stop talking while Austin has something to say.  Austin talks about Alex Riley and says that he’s got something, saying that he might be a bigger star than Miz someday.  Miz wants to know if he can talk yet and Austin says no.  Austin asks if Miz is going to take Riley out on Sunday and then grabs him by the tie, saying that Miz and Riley need counseling.  Austin is going to provide it tonight with one Rowdy Roddy Piper tonight in this very ring.

Austin turns away slightly and says if Miz knows what’s good for him he’ll get out of here right now.  Miz backs off slowly and Austin slowly turns around on him, saying that it’s not Miz’s time to be a hero.  Miz finally leaves to solid heat.  Here’s Alberto in wrestling gear to cut off Austin again.  Del Rio does his usual intro and says it’s time for Austin to pass the torch to Del Rio.

He talks about destiny of course and Austin isn’t all that impressed.  He says he’s not much of a fortune teller but says that he sees bad things for Del Rio in the future.  Ever since Del Rio injured Big Show with his car, Del Rio has had everyone ready to bash Del Rio’s skull in, so tonight the opening match is Del Rio vs. Kane.

Kane vs. Alberto Del Rio

 

The bell is after the break.  Kane takes over to start and gets his low dropkick for two.  Del Rio goes straight for the arm of course, hitting the Codebreaker to the arm.  Kane fights out of an arm hold and goes up for the clothesline but crash lands.  Del Rio gets the cross armbreaker but can’t hook it all the way and Kane gets to the rope.  Del Rio holds onto it for the five count and the DQ at 2:50.  Not much at all here.

Alberto still won’t let go and here’s Big Show, SPRINTING to the ring to take out Alberto.  Del Rio runs so Show kills Ricardo.  Kane has to choke Big Show to get him to let go.  Austin pops up to make Big Show vs. Del Rio at the PPV.

Ricardo was taken away on a stretcher during the break.

Cody Rhodes/Wade Barrett/Ted DiBiase vs. Sin Cara/Ezekiel Jackson/Daniel Bryan

 

They to the light again as Cara and Rhodes start.  Off to Bryan quickly though who hammers on Rhodes.  The former Legacy takes Bryan down and here comes Barrett for a battle of Nexus.  Cole keeps ignoring Lawler’s jokes which might be in the best interest for all involved.  Barrett gets a crescent kick to the ribs and a pumphandle slam for two on Bryan.  Barrett drills Cara but Bryant gets the hot tag to run through Barrett.

Here come the slams which are starting to grow on me.  They’re so basic but they look good and convincing.  Torture Rack goes on but Legacy comes in for the double team save.  Jackson tosses them over the top and tosses Bryan on top of them.  Jackson takes Barrett down again and here’s Cara.  Slingshot crossbody ends this at 3:45.  Cara might have been legal for 10 seconds total.

Rating: C. Pretty basic here and they kept Cara out of the ring on a live show which more or less can’t be a bad thing at all.  He needs an actual story rather than just going out there and doing random high spots.  Either way, this was fine for what it was, which was just a way to get the Smackdown midcard on the show.

Back and here’s Horny firing t-shirts to the crowd using a cannon.  And here’s R-Truth to end that.  They’re all little Jimmy and Jennys apparently.  He wants to try but he’s going to become the new champion on Sunday.  Horny shoots him with a shirt and that doesn’t work.  Truth grabs him and….hugs him.  Ok then.  Truth shakes his hand and KICKS HIM IN THE FACE.  Awesome!  Truth does his psycho talking to Horny and here’s Austin on the big screen.  Truth has a match later with John Morrison!  He’s back!  Truth stomps on Horny again and leaves.  Lawler comes in to check on the leprechaun.

Santino Marella vs. Sheamus

 

The bell rings very quickly with no entrance for either guy.  Santino fires some kicks off to get Sheamus into the corner.  Not that any of them hit but he’s trying at least.  Sheamus takes his head off with a clothesline and hammers away, getting another clothesline for two.  Cravate goes on for a bit and then Sheamus rams him into the buckle.

Santino Italians Up and that gets him nowhere, other than in the path of another clothesline.  High Cross doesn’t work and he loads up the Cobra.  Brogue Kick misses and Santino gets the Cobra!  Naturally it gets like one and the Brogue Kick hits before Sheamus puts on a Texas Cloverleaf for the submission at 2:50.  Not much, but cool to see a new finisher.

Orton is up next.

We get the same video from Smackdown of Christian drilling Orton with the title.

Here’s Orton to a fairly tame reaction.  And Orton’s mic doesn’t work.  He wants Christian here right now and that he only wants to talk.  He won’t punt him or try an RKO.  All he wants to do is talk.  Orton says don’t make him come back there.  He might go to the papers otherwise.

Christian pops up on the screen and says he’s earned his spot, unlike Orton who has had everything thrown on him.  He polls the fans, asking if they want him to come out here.  The fans cheer, so of course he’s not coming.  Orton says Edge isn’t here which is a shame.  Edge has been carrying Christian for 17 years so he could carry him to the ring.

That seems to be enough and here comes Christian in a new shirt.  Here he is in the arena but he stops on the ramp.  Orton goes after him but Christian makes the save.  There’s an E-Mail which says Orton has a concussion apparently.  He won’t wrestle tonight so the GM says go home.  If Orton doesn’t chill he’s stripped of the title.  Randy tries one more charge at Christian but leaves.  It wasn’t a big charge so it’s ok I guess.  Austin pops up on the screen and makes Christian vs. Rey Mysterio next.

Christian vs. Rey Mysterio

 

Booker jumps in on commentary here.  Mysterio vs. Punk on Sunday.  Haven’t we seen that a lot recently?  I guess that’s the rubber match in this mini-series so it makes sense.  Rey speeds things up to start and sends Christian down with a headscissors.  And never mind as Rey takes him down with a clothesline to take over.  Off to the chinlock which doesn’t last long.  Christian sends Rey over the top and to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Christian holding a chinlock as Rey tries to fight his way up.  Christian goes into the corner and steps on Rey….and it’s a DQ?  The bell rang at 5:40 but seriously, what the heck was that?  I’d bet on a legit accident because that made zero sense at all.  Christian goes after Rey post match but Rey knocks him off the top and sets for a splash, but here comes Punk.  Rey dives on him instead and here’s Nexus.  Rey avoids the Killswitch and knocks Christian down.  619 to Christian is blocked by Ryan who kills him by ramming him into the post and hitting a backbreaker.  Killswitch leaves Rey laying.

Rating: C. Call this right in the middle because the majority of it was in the commercial.  I’d bet on this being a mistake.  Either that or this was really stupid booking.  It felt so completely random and the post match stuff seemed like they were trying to fill in time.  I don’t get this at all but it wasn’t that bad.  I guess they want to protect both guys which makes sense at least.

Austin is on the phone when Vickie and Dolph come up.  She shouts EXCUSE ME at him and asks for a US Title shot for Dolph on Sunday.  Austin says ok on one condition: he drops Vickie as his associate.  Dolph doesn’t want to do it but Austin goes into a speech about DiBiase being his manager and Dolph reluctantly drops him.  Austin says he’s just having fun with them and leaves while Vickie makes funny noises.  So are they split up or not?

R-Truth vs. John Morrison

 

We get a quick recap of Morrison being injured by Truth.  And there’s no Morrison.  The music plays again and there’s no Morrison.  Truth says get out here and says Morrison need to unscare himself.  Truth says he’ll bring the fight to Morrison and goes into the back.  To the back we go and someone is out cold.  SHAZAM!  It’s Morrison, still down and holding his neck.  Maybe he’s not back yet.  Truth says all the Little Jimmys came here to see a great match.  Truth leaves and then comes back, crushing Morrison with an anvil case.  Truth has the funniest psycho face you’ll ever see as we go to break.

Video on Dolph Ziggler before his match.

Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne vs. Kofi Kingston

 

No pyro for Swagger’s pushups.  Vickie is with Dolph here so I guess they’re still together.  Dolph and Kofi start us off.  Kofi jumps around a lot and hits a jumping back elbow yet somehow it’s Dolph getting the cover.  Odd indeed.  Off to Swagger who gets a belly to belly for two.  Vader Bomb misses though and it’s off to Bourne.

Bourne gets some sweet jumping shots and a rollup on Swagger gets two but there’s the ankle lock.  Evan rolls through it, only for Dolph to grab his foot.  Bourne kicks him in the head while Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise to Swagger.  Picture perfect Air Bourne ends this at 2:55.  Just a quick match and not enough to grade but this was fine.

Back and it’s time for Piper’s Pit.  Yep, Piper is drunk.  Piper talks about Mania 2 where he dropped Mr. T in this ring.  Here’s Miz to say really.  Miz says he’s the next Piper, Piper says there’s never going to be another Roddy Piper.  Piper calls Miz a Roddy Piper wannabe which Miz denies, saying at least he’s been WWE Champion.  He also actually won in the main event of Wrestlemania.

Miz says he was on Real World and makes fun of They Live.  Piper says he never saw Real World because he was busy living in the Real World.  Piper says let’s talk about the future, like this Sunday.  Here’s Riley, who says that Miz never was his friend.  Piper says that gave him self respect.  Miz points out the hypocrisy of Piper getting annoyed with someone for that when he mistreated Bob Orton for all those years.

Gorilla Monsoon, King Kong Bundy, Mean Gene are all in the bottom of a well so who do you save first?  Miz has no idea what Piper is talking about.  “Just when you think you got all the answers, I CHANGE THE QUESTIONS!”  That was great.  Piper says Riley beating him will be AWESOME.  Riley says Piper can beat Miz right now.  Miz says he’ll put up $1000 that he can beat Piper right now.  Piper gets all nervous due to the age and says how about $5000?  Austin pops up and says do it.  Both guys are putting up five grand and Alex Riley is guest referee.  Hilarious as well as good segment here.

Roddy Piper vs. The Miz

 

Piper is in tights and a t-shirt while Miz is in street clothes.  Miz hammers away and Piper gets a sleeper.  Riley pulls him off and here they go.  Piper grabs a schoolboy for the pin at 1:06.

Some Divas are going to be on the Price is Right.

Tamina/Alicia Fox/Rosa Mendes/Maryse/Bella Twins/Melina vs. Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres/Gail Kim/Natalya/Beth Phoenix/AJ/Kaitlyn

 

If this goes past two minutes I’ll be stunned.  Kelly and Brie start but it’s off to Melina or Rosa and there’s the big brawl almost immediately.  Kelly hits the K2 on Rosa and we’re done at 1:25.  Three out of the fourteen were actually legal.

Post match Eve gets on the mic and says the Tony Awards (Broadway) were in New York last night.  They get in a line and to the Rockette kicks.  This was totally pointless.

We recap the ending to Tough Enough last week where Vince Slapped Andy and Austin stunned him.  Andy is in the back with Austin and they share a beer.  Punk comes in and makes fun of Andy.  Austin asks Andy to leave and offers Punk a beer.  They do the WHAT sequence over various types of alcohol.  Punk wants to give Austin a breathalyzer.  Punk: “Can you say the alphabet backwards?”  Austin: “I can whip you backwards.”  Huge pop for that.  No Nexus at ringside tonight.

Here’s Austin for a major announcement.  He thanks the crowd but is cut off by an E-Mail.  Cole sounds scared to death to have to read it.  Austin is sick of the GM, who says that all good things must come to an end.  The anonymous GM will be back next week on Raw.  Austin’s watch says there’s some time left so as of right now he’s still the GM.

Next week Austin won’t be the GM but next week there will be another three hour Raw and next week it’s all about the power of the people.  They’ll make all the matches and stipulations, I guess like Viewer’s Choice from when Bret was GM last year.  The GM keeps sending E-Mails and Austin gets ticked off so he chases Cole off.  DOWN GOES THE COMPUTER!  He pours beer on it and runs over it with the ATV before leaving.  Oh wait he’s back to have some beers.

Capitol Punishment ad with the press conference thing.  This one is Smackdown themed.  The jokes are kind of funny but at the same time the idea to get them here is really old.

CM Punk vs. John Cena

 

There’s a five minute overrun tonight apparently so this has a good deal of time.  Punk sits down in the middle of the ring after his entrance.  This is the first time we’ve seen Cena all night and he gets a solid reaction but it’s mainly booing.  The dueling chants are going strong quickly.  Punk goes behind Cena and that gets him nowhere.  Punk tries the GTS and Cena tries the AA but neither work and it’s a stalemate.  Cena tries the fisherman’s suplex and gets countered into being draped over the ropes as we take a break.

Back with Cena hammering away but walking into an old school abdominal stretch.  Oh and Cole is back on commentary.  Punk hits a huge dive to the floor and then with a Savage point to the roof he hits something that kind of almost resembled a double axe.  Off to a bodyscissors which Cena reverses into the STF but he can’t make it last as Punk gets the rope.  Leg lariat gets two for Punk.

Punk keeps his advantage, hitting the clothesline in the corner.  Cena reverses the bulldog though and sets the ending sequence.  He tries the shoulder block and Punk uses one of his Zen counters that he learned in his tours of Japan by calling on his ancient martial arts training: he ducks, sending Cena flying to the floor.  Why don’t more people get that?  Cena does the same to the springboard clothesline and both guys are down.  Cena starts his comeback and hits the Protoplex but here’s Truth to annoy a fan.  He offers a sip of water for the fan’s hat.  The distraction lets Punk hit the GTS for the pin at 14:00.

Rating: B. Good match here for the most part with Punk finally getting the pin that he’s never gotten (I don’t think at least) over Cena.  His reaction post match helped it a lot as he looked like he was a kid on Christmas morning.  Good stuff here between two guys that definitely have chemistry together.

Truth hits Cena with the bottle of water post match and takes the belt with him after talking some trash.

Overall Rating: C+. This wasn’t great to say the least but it wasn’t too bad.  It certainly drags at times and I really don’t get the point of the All-Stars aspect, but they needed something to fill in the Draft show that they were probably scheduled to have here.  Not horrible but at the same time there really was no need to make this a three hour show.  I’ve seen worse though, and they pushed the PPV a lot.  Not terrible, but really nothing all that great.

Results

Kane b. Alberto Del Rio via DQ when Del Rio wouldn’t break the cross armbreaker

Ezekiel Jackson/Sin Cara/Daniel Bryan b. Wade Barrett/Ted DiBiase/Cody Rhodes – Springboard Crossbody to Barrett

Sheamus b. Santino Marella – Texas Cloverleaf

Rey Mysterio b. Christian via DQ when Christian would not stop choking Mysterio

Evan Bourne/Kofi Kingston b. Jack Swagger/Dolph Ziggler – Air Bourne to Swagger

Roddy Piper b. The Miz – Schoolboy

Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres/Gail Kim/Natalya/Beth Phoenix/AJ/Kaitlyn b. Tamina/Alicia Fox/Rosa Mendes/Maryse/Bella Twins/Melina – K2 to Mendes

CM Punk b. John Cena – GTS

Smackdown
Date: June 10, 2011
Location: Roanoke Civic Center, Roanoke, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

With Christian apparently a heel now, it should be interesting to see where he goes.  It’s pretty clear that they’re setting up for Christian/Orton III at the PPV which is probably their best bet.  Other than that there isn’t much to talk about here.  Everything seems to be going along as it always does, which is a good thing as no one can really run a TV show like Smackdown does at this point.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip of last week with Christian apparently turning heel and bashing Orton’s head in with the title.  The dramatic music is a nice touch here.

Speaking of the Canadian here he is.  He talks about how the fans that boo him get it apparently because he was screwed out of winning the championship just five days out of winning it.  He was also screwed out of being #1 contender two weeks ago so he was justified in what he did last week, which draws booing.  Christian says he is done with all the people, his so called “peeps”.  He doesn’t want to talk to them ever again.  There’s a solid evil smile on his face here too which is really selling the heel turn.

The one person he does want to talk to is sitting over here, and his name is Michael Cole.  Christian calls Cole into the ring and has something to say in general and not specifically to Cole.  Christian talks about how he doesn’t get the fans.  These are the people that went off on the internet about how he lost the title and how unfair it is but now they’re blasting him for what he did last week.  He doesn’t get how the fans cheering went.

Let’s talk about Bob in accounting.  If Bob is up for a big promotion, he should get it on the basis of his merit, not by going out and asking people on the street if he should get it.  That’s what Teddy did by asking the fans.  It’s disrespectful to Christian to have Teddy do that.  He’s been disrespected by one person in particular: Randy Orton.  A real man wouldn’t have taken that title shot five days after a ladder match.

Christian asks Cole for a favor since he’s not talking to the people.  He wants Cole to ask the people if they think he deserves to be the world heavyweight champion.  Great heat for him mentioning that.  Cole asks the fans and the booing isn’t as loud.  Wow so he has Cole beaten already.  Christian calls the fans clueless and says he’ll be champion again.  When he does it, it’ll be for himself and not for them.  With that, he leaves.  Very solid heel turn speech here as there’s total logic to what he’s saying and the delivery was great.  This was one of the better ones I can remember in a very long time.

Corre vs. Ezekiel Jackson/Usos

 

What an odd face tag team.  Jackson wants Barrett to start but gets Slater instead.  Jackson of course runs over him and brings in let’s say Jey.  Slater gets beaten from one side of the ring to the other and brings in Gabriel to face apparently Jimmy.  Does it really matter?  Gabriel is an extremist apparently.  Booker compares the Usos to Harlem Heat.  That’s a surprising pairing to be sure.

Booker spent about six months with the Usos before.  Corre speeds things up and sends the Usos to the floor and into the table.  We take a break for a don’t try this at home video.  Can’t make fun of that.  Back with Barrett stomping away at “one of the Usos” as apparently Josh can’t tell them apart either.  Boss Man Slam gets two.  Let’s say that’s Jimmy (bet that’s wrong but again does it matter?) playing Ricky Morton for awhile so I guess that makes Slater Bobby Eaton?

Hot tag to Jackson and Barrett runs off, bringing in Gabriel.  Jackson starts the slams and Barrett tries to bail.  Slater yells at him but he walks off anyway.  Slams all around and the Usos add a double superkick (how has that never been a tag team finisher?  I know the Rockers used it at times but not as a finisher) to Slater and the Torture Rack ends Gabriel at 6:45 shown of 10:15 shown.  Barrett vs. Jackson for the title at the PPV.

Rating: C. Just a run of the mill six man here to further the Corre splitting up.  Nothing wrong with that at all as I think it leads to the Jackson title reign at the PPV, which it probably should do.  Anyway, the Usos were a surprising addition here and the whole thing was fine.  Right in the middle sounds fine.

Teddy is on the phone and apparently making bets on horse racing.  Sheamus comes in and Teddy pretends that he’s talking to his wife.  I wonder if that betting thing is going anywhere.  Anyway Sheamus wants Christian tonight and Teddy says no.  Instead Teddy makes it Orton vs. Sheamus, no DQ.  Sheamus likes that as he’s smiling about it, but the visual is really weird here as the camera zooms in on his face like Teddy has left or the shot is ending but it pulls back to see Teddy just looking at him.  Unintentional comedy works every time.

Gabriel and Slater want an explanation and Barrett says they’re nothing without him.  The tag team says you’re about to find out because the Corre is done.

Trent Barreta vs. Jinder Mahal

 

I can never spell Barreta right the first time.  Always add an extra T.  Mahal’s legs are almost creepy looking from being so long.  We have the makings of another squash here and the height that Trent gets on a backdrop is great.  He gets a shot in to break Mahal’s momentum and tries what looks like a moonsault, but Khali provides the distraction.  Full nelson slam ends this at 1:29.  More or less a squash.  Vice Grip to Trent post match.

Some young clueless putz gets to talk to AJ who is all perky and cute and I can’t help but smile.  Before she gets anywhere Tamina and Rosa come up to give her cheese, because she’s a little mouse.  AJ says Laycool called and wants their gimmick back.  The evil ones say AJ will be alone tonight but Natalya comes up and the heels leave.

Tamina vs. AJ

 

AJ has music now.  Tamina tries to overpower her but AJ gets a quick dropkick in.  That gets her nowhere so Tamina slams her and we hit the armbar.  Booker flat out says he can’t focus because of Rosa’s short dress in front of him.  Sounds far less creepy than Lawler here.  Apparently Natalya took AJ and Kaitlyn paintballing.  Think Cole has fun with that line?  Tamina puts her in a fireman’s carry but yells at Natalya too much and AJ rolls down her back and gets a rollup for the pin at 2:00.  Dang she has nice abs.

We see a shorter version of the opening video about Christian to set up this.

Here’s Orton but this isn’t for his match apparently.  He wants Christian to come out here right now and explain this.  Christian pops up on the screen and says ask the fans if that’s what they want.  He imitates Teddy in a funny bit and says he’s not coming out here.  Christian wants one more match but Orton says he doesn’t care.

Christian talks about how he could have counted Orton down last week but didn’t want to face Sheamus for the title.  He wants Orton, because he knows he can beat him.  Orton wants Christian RIGHT NOW but Christian says on his terms, not anyone else’s.  They make the match at Capitol Punishment.  Christian gets in his car and leaves, more or less guaranteeing he’ll be here for later.

DiBiase and Rhodes make Anthony Weiner jokes.  Cody wants to know if he can call the shots out there tonight and Ted takes exception.  Rhodes talks about having money and women in Legacy and Ted says then you got your face messed up and went nuts.  Cody casually shouts for a bagger and has the bagger put the bag on his own (the bagger’s) head.  Cody says he’s not nuts but prematurely enlightened.  Now he feels free and while he may be nuts, he may also be a genius.  This was odd to say the least.

Sin Cara vs. Ted DiBiase

 

I’d have bet on this being the tag that was more or less set up last week.  No Bryan in sight but Cody and the baggers are with Ted here.  There go the lights which I don’t get.  It kind of made sense for Kane but I don’t get it at all with Cara.  Fast start of course as Cara gets a pretty awesome but completely overdone armdrag.  Ted gets a boot up in the corner to take Cara down.  Cara gets in a shot and sets for a springboard something but Cody pulls him down and it’s a DQ at 1:50.

 

Bryan runs out for the save and Teddy makes the tag match.

Daniel Bryan/Sin Cara vs. Ted DiBiase/Cody Rhodes

 

Well at least they didn’t waste much of our time on the one on one.  There’s a break before the match.  The match is in progress when we come back with Bryan hitting an arm drag to DiBiase.  LeBell Lock can’t go on as Ted runs to the corner and brings in Cody.  Cody gets in an argument with the referee and walks into a missile dropkick by Cara.  Cara gets sent shoulder first into the post and here comes Rhodes.

Never mind as it’s off to Ted.  He only came a little.  Make your own jokes there.  Ted works on the injured arm but gets caught in a cross armbreaker.  Cara rolls it into the ropes though so it doesn’t really mean anything.  Cody comes in and works on the arm while the referee speaks Spanish.  Single arm DDT gets two.  This match is awkward for some reason and I can’t put my finger on why.

Ted works on the arm now as we talk about Booker getting back in the ring on Monday.  Back off to Cody as I think the problem is the former Legacy isn’t staying in long enough to make anything work really.  Cara tries to speed it up and hits an enziguri to put Cody down.  Double tags to Bryan and DiBiase and Bryan takes over.  Even Cole is complimenting him here.  Cara hits a suicide dive to take Cody out and Bryan jumps off the middle rope into a guillotine and then into the LeBell Lock for the tap at 6:30.

Rating: C-. I didn’t like this at all for the most part but it was technically fine.  The formula was there for the most part but I couldn’t get into it at all.  The rating is probably low but at the same time it just didn’t draw me in at all.  Very awkward match for some reason which I think might have been due to Cara and Bryan never really being on offense other than at the end and a brief bit at the beginning.

 

Johnny Curtis has a chip on his shoulder.  Like a potato chip.  He eats the chip and that’s about it.  I spent 15 weeks watching NXT for this.  I hate my life, I have my life.

 

Orton talks about his past anger management issues and says this match will help him.

Randy Orton vs. Sheamus

 

No DQ remember.  Sheamus goes straight at him like a good monster heel and hammers him down.  Orton gets his non-Thesz Press to take over.  They head to the floor as Orton sends Sheamus into the barricade.  Sheamus hammers away but Orton gets a dropkick up to block the slingshot shoulder block and we head back to the floor.  He puts Sheamus’ head on the steps and tries to stomp down but since that would more or less kill him, Sheamus pulls him down and rams Orton’s head into the steps as we take a break.

Back with Sheamus having that crossface chickenwing on but shifting to a chinlock rather quickly.  Ok back to the crossface.  Pick a hold dude.  Orton fires off a headbutt of all things to escape.  Sheamus takes him down again and back to the same hold.  There’s the slingshot shoulder for two.  Again with the chickenwing but now it’s off to a regular chinlock one more time.

Ok make that a headlock.  At least this time Orton gets a belly to back to break up the monotony.  Orton hammers him down and it’s a slugout again.  Orton fires off and hits his powerslam but Sheamus heads to the floor.  Sheamus is sent into the barricade but reverses to send Orton into the steps.  Both guys are down but it’s Sheamus up first.  Into the ring and Sheamus brings the steps with him.

Orton counters with the backbreaker for two.  The steps are pulled into the middle of the ring but Sheamus pulls him into the middle buckle and stomps away.  Austin would be proud of those.  Sheamus can’t powerslam Orton onto the steps but Orton gets one onto them to put the pale one down.  The steps are shoved aside and Sheamus hits the Irish Curse for two.

Sheamus heads to the floor and pulls out a kendo stick.  He beats the tar out of Orton with it but can only get two.  The crowd is rapidly getting into this.  Sheamus throws the stick away and sets for the Brogue Kick.  Orton avoids it though and Sheamus’ foot is caught in the ropes.  Randy picks up the stick and unloads on Sheamus, hitting probably twenty shots or so.  Orton has that crazy look in his eyes and it’s the elevated DDT.

He loads up the RKO but Christian runs in.  He can’t hit the Killswitch though and Randy can’t hit the RKO.  Sheamus takes Randy’s head off with a running double axe handle and it’s time for the High Cross.  Orton escapes and ducks the Brogue Kick.  RKO hits but Christian blasts him with the belt and Sheamus crawls on top for the pin at approximately 17:12 shown of 21:14.  The video was jumping around a lot on the site I was using so this is as good of a guess as I can give it.

Rating: B+. I rather liked this as they didn’t have a really boring part other than in the very middle with Sheamus using a ton of rest holds.  Still though it worked rather well as they’ve apparently figured out how to not bore us to tears.  The ending here works also because Orton had the win until Christian interfered.  I like this ending as it makes Christian seem like he’s getting under his skin through action instead of doing whatever Anderson is trying to do to Sting at the moment.  Fun and solid match.

Christian holds up the belt to end the show.

 

Overall Rating: B. Good show but a step down from last week.  They continue to have the perfect pacing as far as matches to promos and we got a ton of wrestling here.  Not as good as last week but still quite good, especially with the majority of stuff already set up for the PPV, which is the main idea at this point.  Good show but not great.

NXT
Date: June 7, 2011
Location: Roanoke Civic Center, Roanoke, Virginia
Commentators: Todd Grisham, William Regal

I think we’re in week fourteen here, which means we’re a week shy of this being as long as any other season of this show.  We have four people left so at least this is getting close to being done.  I’m not sure what else they can do with these four left because we’ve watched them fight time after time now.  They had a new idea last week so maybe they’ll surprise me.  Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Maryse and how the guys on this season have been obsessed with her and fighting over her.  The idea here is that Cannon has Maryse in his corner so he has an advantage.  Good to see someone other than O’Neil looking like they have a chance here.

JTG is in the ring here for a talk show segment apparently.  Oh joy.  It’s called Straight Outta Brooklyn apparently.  The guest is Yoshi Tatsu, because they’re the two pros whose rookies are gone.  Apparently people blame Yoshi for Saxton being gone.  They do the thing where Yoshi is asked questions and the mic is pulled away before he can answer.  We talk about Maryse and how she dumped Yoshi because he has no game (JTG: “I got more game than THQ.”)  Yoshi makes a Yo Mama joke because this is apparently the mid 90s.  JTG jumps him as he’s leaving, likely setting up a match later.  Striker makes said match.

Yoshi Tatsu vs. JTG

 

The match is joined in progress.  JTG hits a knee to the ribs for two and actually works on the ribs.  Yoshi misses some chops and gets taken down again.  JTG hits Jay Lethal’s Lethal Injection neckbreaker for two.  Regal mentions that next week is an elimination.  That’s a good sign at least.  Yoshi fights up and strikes away, including a spinwheel kick to take JTG down.  A big high kick misses though and JTG takes him down again.  Yoshi fights back up and hits the aforementioned high kick to end this at 5:31 shown.

Rating: C. Match was ok, but at the end of the day it’s Yoshi Tatsu vs. JTG.  This match redefines low stakes.  It wasn’t too bad or anything, but JTG is supposed to be a heel here and I tend to be more intimidated by a riled up cocker spaniel than him.  Also great to see that a show about the rookies has gone over ¼ of it already with zero mention of them other than in a video which is mainly about Maryse.

Capitol Punishment ad wastes even more time.  The only good part here is that when Regal is “woken up” the first thing he says is I didn’t know you were married.  This guy saves this show week in and week out.  When I say saves I mean he keeps it on the TV in the 5^th circle of torment rather than the 9^th.

HOKEY SMOKE IT’S ONE OF THE ROOKIES!!!  O’Brian tries to break a board with his head….and he’s talking to Horny who hurts his head trying to break a board.  Titus and Vlad come up so O’Neil picks up Horny and rams his head through the board.  I hate my life.  I truly do.

Chavo Guerrero/Darren Young vs. Vladimir Kozlov/Conor O’Brian

I have a very bad feeling that they’re going to have O’Brian sneak in the back and win this somehow.  He’s the least interesting and the worst wrestler out of all these guys which means he’s probably the favorite.  First match between the rookies starts up over halfway into the show.  I guess that’s required though.  Have to hit the JTG fanbase.  Young and Vlad start us off with Kozlov taking him down to the mat almost immediately.

Off to the cure with insomnia with sideburns who gets two on Young.  Chavo comes in and hammers away but that’s too interesting so let’s bring Young back in again.  Chavo hits a slingshot hilo ala Eddie for two.  Conor hits an elbow and we head to the floor, only for Chavo to beat Conor back in and hit a slingshot axe handle to take him down again.  We take a quick break and come back with Young getting two on Conor.

Vlad finally gets the hot tag and gets double teamed because Conor thinks there’s nothing wrong with letting him fight off two guys at once and losing any momentum they had.  Some lunkhead fan tries to get a Vlad chant going and it completely fails.  The pros come in so it’s at least borderline interesting.  Off to Young again as they work on the back of Kozlov for awhile.

Neckbreaker takes Kozlov down for two.  We hit the chinlock because someone thought giving these guys over ten minutes was a good idea.  Front facelock wastes some more time.  Double tags bring in both rookies as I think we’re finally getting close to the ending here.  Flapjack takes Young down for two.  Young gets up and hits his fireman’s carry into a backbreaker for the pin on O’Brian at 12:10.

Rating: D+. Well they were trying I guess but Young and O’Brian just aren’t interesting.  That’s all there is to it: I have no desire to see them have any match at all.  Young was dull in Nexus and he’s dull here.  O’Brian is supposed to be this guy that has worked his way here but it’s just not working.  Chavo and Vlad are ok but that’s about it, and that’s not enough to support a 12 minute match.

Titus O’Neil vs. Lucky Cannon

 

Maryse is with Cannon as are both pros.  Maryse has a big purse with her which apparently cost $3,500.  It’s a bag.  You put stuff in it.  HOW CAN THAT COST THIRTY FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS???  The stupid thing is there are bags that cost that much so it’s not even a wrestling overstatement.  Lucky takes over to start and pounds away.  Off to a chinlock as we’re running out of time here.

Lucky actually covers him after some stomps.  When do you ever see that?  Back to the chinlock again which eats up some clock.  Titus hammers back but gets sent to the floor.  It’s shenanigan time as Horny proposes to Maryse, giving her a candy bracelet.  He tries to take her purse which is ripped in half.  Not buying quality I guess.  Cannon is distracted and turns into the Clash of the Titus to end this at 5:18.

Rating: D. This was a five minute match and about three of those were spent in rest holds.  That being said, I’d rather watch this again with ease over the previous tag match as at least these two are the talented and somewhat interesting rookies.  Titus has a look and Cannon is a somewhat interesting heel so I can actually stay interested in one of their matches.  Other than that, this was nothing though.

Overall Rating: D. And NXT botches it again.  The problem here is the same as it’s been the entire time: these guys aren’t all that interesting.  Also, it’s taking FAR too long to get through this.  It helps that we’re finally getting rapid eliminations but it took us three months to get here.  There are three guys on this show that are bearable but O’Brian just isn’t there.  Sadly, that probably means he’ll be pushed to the finals at least.  Anyway, another weak show here but we get rid of someone next week so there’s that to look forward to.

Results

Yoshi Tatsu b. JTG – Round kick to the head

Darren Young/Chavo Guerrero b. Vladimir Kozlov/Conor O’Brian – Backbreaker to O’Brian

Titus O’Neil b. Lucky Cannon – Clash of the Titus

Fell asleep so here’s a replacement show
Since it might have been awhile, here are the Pro/Rookie combinations.

Wade Barrett – Chris Jericho
Daniel Bryan – The Miz
Skip Sheffield – William Regal
Darren Young – CM Punk
David Otunga – R-Truth
Heath Slater – Christian
Michael Tarver – Carlito
Justin Gabriel – Matt Hardy

NXT
Date: February 23, 2010
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

It’s so weird seeing this theme song and these guys that are now champions as brand new stars. Also Sheffield’s pro was supposed to be MVP but was changed to Regal at the last second for no apparent reason. How was this only eight months ago?

The rookies are in the back and Miz walks up to them, calling out Daniel Bryan. He talks about how Bryan is a star in the minor leagues and that you need to be prepared for everything. Miz sends him to the ring and says give the people a reason to watch. He’s even going to let Bryan come out to his music. Oh and he needs to have a good catchphrase.

Striker is the host.

Bryan apologizes to the fans he has around the world, wishing his pro was Regal, his mentor. He starts talking about how NXT is the next evolution of wrestling but here’s Miz to interrupt him. Bryan tells Miz to watch what he says or he’ll submit him right now. He says he was going to get on a reality show and act like an idiot but that’s been taken already.

Miz wants a catchphrase for him so Bryan debuts tap or snap which fits perfectly for him at the end of the day. Miz slaps him and leaves, saying Bryan failed.

During the break Striker talks to Bryan who says he slaps harder than Miz.

Carlito/Michael Tarver vs. Heath Slater/Christian

We’re told of Bryan vs. Jericho tonight. Oh yeah. It’s THAT match. Carlito introduces us to Tarver who we get a profile on, which is the whole 1.9 seconds thing. He likes to punch a lot apparently. Slater’s profile plays up the rock star concept. Slater gets a rollup on Carlito seconds in for two. He shows off a bit and plays to the crowd who doesn’t seem to care.

No Christian yet as Carlito has Slater in a chinlock. Pro vs. Pro now as we hear about Christian qualifying for Money in the Bank. That’s the Mania version and not the pay per view of the same name. Sunset flip gets two for Christian and here comes Tarver. Slater takes out Carlito and the Killswitch ends Tarver to give Christian the first win in the history of NXT.

Rating: C. Totally basic tag team match here with faces vs. heels. It wasn’t anything great but considering what they had to work with here this was rather good. I liked Slater back in the day and this was no exception. He wasn’t anything great but he always had energy out there and this worked fine. Decent tag match overall.

Punk and Truth are giving their rookies pep talks.

Darren Young vs. David Otunga

Young and Punk were the comedy team of this season and it worked ok at best I thought. Punk, still with hair, says he doesn’t know why he’s here and doesn’t know who Young is. No profile on Young but Otunga talks about being better than everyone else as he’s from Hollywood. He mentions being engaged to Jennifer Hudson.

He definitely had the talking ability and the charisma but just never could do it in the ring. The tear away pants are still a cool thing for Otunga. This is perhaps the fastest match in the history of the show as Otunga hits his weird spinebuster like slam to end it in less than forty seconds.

Raw recap which is of Batista beating the tar out of Cena in their match where if Cena won he got a world title shot at Mania. Wow that graphic of those two at Mania still looks awesome.

Jericho and Barrett come out with Barrett having the black coat with the flower in it. Jericho grabs the mic and says he wants Barrett to give him the introduction he deserves. Barrett sounds like a British Rocky to a degree. He sucks up to Jericho for a bit but Jericho actually cuts him off and introduces him instead.

Daniel Bryan vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho is World Heavyweight Champion here. In a weird error, Bryan’s graphic lists him as being from Vegas but the announcer says he’s from Washington. Odd indeed. Bryan can’t get a handshake to start. Jericho slaps him and it’s on. They trade dropkicks and we go back and forth a bit. Keep in mind the idea here is that this is Bryan’s debut so you have to factor out that he’s US Champion as this is being written.

Barrett cuts a quick promo here where he sucks up to Jericho a bit more but doesn’t say what he’s actually learning. Bryan throws some kicks and goes for the knee. Daniel controls here as Cole begins his indy bashing stuff and his war against the internet. Bryan speeds it up and knocks Jericho to the floor.

And there’s the highlight reel moment of the first season as Bryan DIVES through the ropes but Jericho catches him in a belly to belly to slam his back into the edge of the announce table which must hurt beyond belief. Back in the ring Bryan gets a leg lock and Jericho is in trouble. Codebreaker out of nowhere though and Bryan is down. Walls end it soon after.

Rating: B. All things considered, this was mind blowing. Factoring in that this was his mainstream debut, this can only be classified as a success. Solid match here either way and that counter spot was great. Seeing a guy like Bryan giving Jericho a legit scare here with a nice leg lock thrown in was something no one expected. This was great all things considered.

Post match Miz runs down and beats up Bryan.

Striker is with the other rookies and nothing of note happens.

A recap of the show takes us out.

Overall Rating: B. This was more or less the Daniel Bryan show but it worked very well. The concept became clear and you got three different types of matches with a squash, a decent tag match and a very solid main event. This worked very well and set the stage for the rest of the show. You really couldn’t tell much about the competition in the early weeks but it would change quickly once some people left. Solid premiere though and it worked great.

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 6, 2011
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Things are a little different tonight as it’s not only Raw but also the Tough Enough finale which is going to delay the start of the main show just a bit.  It’s time for more build to Capitol Punishment as we’ll likely get fallout from last week’s Cena vs. Truth match, probably building to a rematch at the PPV.  Other than that there isn’t much known already.  Let’s get to it.

After Andy won Tough Enough and got drilled by Vince (who said he would have picked the other guy) and Stunned by Austin in one of the weirdest welcome to the jobs you’ll ever see we’re ready to go.

The show opens with Austin and Vince in the ring having some beers to open the show, here’s Truth in a Confederate Army uniform marching to the ring to the tune of When the Saints Come Marching In and singing about Little Jimmy marching in.  We get a clip of last week where Truth threw soda on a fan.  He apologizes to Big Jimmy and Little Jimmy and to the refreshing soda.

Truth doesn’t like being in the south and says that the Confederacy didn’t do anything right other than seceding from the Union.  Tonight he’s seceding from the WWE, but he’s keeping the title shot.  He talks about the conspiracy against him and asks Vince about it.  Vince asks if Truth’s real first name is R and says he should come visit him during his office hours.  Is this college all of a sudden?

Here’s Miz, saying he deserves a final title shot.  Riley comes out and doesn’t say much before Cena comes out also.  Cena says that everyone here is out of or for something, be it Miz being out of opportunities for the title, Riley being out for vengeance, Austin being out of beer or Truth being out of his mind.  Cena respects Riley and tells Truth to get rid of the uniform because he already has his PPV title shot.  We get an E-Mail but Vince cuts him off, saying that it’s Cena/Riley vs. Miz/Truth with Austin as referee.  Absolutely hilarious opening segment, namely due to Truth being insane.

Santino Marella vs. Michael McGillicutty

 

Neither guy gets an intro here.  McGillicutty yells at the crowd to zero reaction but Santino gets a nice pop.  Marella sends him into the corners and knocks him over the top with a clothesline.  He actually channels the Warrior with the rope shake and the gorilla press sign.  Cobra doesn’t work and McGillicutty takes over a bit.  Santino fires back and hits the saluting headbutt so he can do the Warrior press sign again.  Vlad runs over Otunga and the McGillicutter misses.  Cobra ends this clean at 4:35.

Rating: D+. This was a bit awkward and didn’t work all that well.  I’m not sure why this was on Raw but I guess it was to give us something a bit weaker after that very high powered opening.  Santino is still rather popular with his same old stuff but if it’s working why change it?  Not much here though as the wrestling was a bit off but maybe that’s why these two are in tag teams.

Kelly Kelly/Beth Phoenix vs. Bella Twins

 

Hokey smoke two matches with no commercials?  When do you EVER see this?  Well close enough at least as they go to commercial before the Bellas’ entrances.  Nice idea though.  After the break we get a clip of the Bellas making fun of Kharma for being pregnant.  Kelly starts as Cole talks about the Bellas’ Twitter.  Kelly gets beaten down by both twins while Beth plays cheerleader.

Off to the bow and arrow hold.  Jerry calls Kelly the milk to his cookies.  I really don’t want to think about Lawler’s cookies.  Off to Beth who cleans house on let’s say Brie.  We go way old school with a Tully Blanchard slingshot suplex for two.  Everything breaks down and there’s the Glam Slam for the pin at 2:26.  Good to see them making Beth look like a monster again.

Booker and Trish are in the back and Booker offers to give Trish a secret move: the Trisharooni.  He starts teaching her and Jack Swagger comes up to challenge Booker.  He says cool and it’s on for tonight.

CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio

 

Didn’t we see this last week?  Punk sits down on the stage and says that this next match is to prove that Nexus is still strong.  The match starts next.  Here we go and Punk tries a big kick to start.  Doesn’t actually connect but it looked good.  Off to the mat and Punk works on the wrist.  Rey speeds things up but can’t get an O’Connor Roll.  Monkey flip sends Punk to the floor and Rey adds a headscissors to take Punk down.

Back in and a slingshot legdrop gets two.  Punk fires back with his strikes but Rey escapes over the top.  He goes up but gets kicked down into the Tree of Woe.  Running knee to the exposed stomach gets two.  Belly to back gets two and it’s off to a body scissors by Punk.  Rey is sent spine first into the post and it’s time for a superplex.  Rey knocks him off and hits I guess you would call it a flipping attack to take Punk down.  He just kind of dove at him and rolled forward.

Rey starts his comeback and hits the springboard cross body for two.  A headscissors takes Punk down but he grabs a powerslam out of nowhere for two.  Ryan blocks the 619 so Rey gets a semi-botched but still good looking tornado DDT while kicking Ryan down to the floor at the same time.  Top rope splash ends this at 8:40.

Rating: B-. These two have undeniable chemistry in the ring and it showed again here.  They almost always have a solid match and while this wasn’t quite as good of a match as they’ve had before, it was certainly fine for about a 9 minute match on Raw.  Good stuff here, as expected from these two.

New presidential press conference video with Truth being insane.  When you can almost save one of these things, that’s a great sign.

Cena warns Riley to not cross him.

3 hour Raw next week and it’s WWE All Star Night.

Here’s Alberto in a 1960 Rolls Royce.  The word for Alberto right now is slander.  People have been saying he’s a hit and run coward.  It was an accident though and here’s the video to prove it.  We see a clip of the accident and now Del Rio wants Show to come out so he can apologize.  Here he comes….and it’s Ricardo in a bald wig on crutches.  There’s food being eaten and a catcher’s mitt for a hand.  Well they have the small bits down.

Alberto says he’s pretending to be hurt to avoid paying for damages to his car.  All Ricardo does is hold up his hand and growl.  Del Rio offers candy and ice cream and chocolate in exchange for dropping the charges but then takes it back, saying Show deserved what happened to him.  He warns Show not to make Alberto his enemy because Show will get hurt if he does so, because bad things happen to bad people.

Video on Kofi which more or less is him jumping a lot.  He’s up next.

Kofi Kingston vs. Zack Ryder

 

Ryder, the apparent new internet darling, doesn’t even get his own music as Dolph and Vickie are out there also for commentary.  Non-title here and Cole calls Ryder “Zack Ziggler”.  Kofi uses his basic stuff to start so Ryder gets in his face.  Ryder avoids the jump in the corner and gets a neckbreaker for two.  The announcers plug the Youtube show as Ryder gets a kick in the corner.  Well at least I think he did because we cut back to Ziggler and Vickie every 8 seconds.  Kofi starts his comeback and never mind as there’s Trouble in Paradise and we’re done at 2:44.  Just a quick match here and nothing of note.

Booker is up next.

Miz vs. Riley at the PPV.

Booker T vs. Jack Swagger

 

Booker grabs the arm to start and that gets him nowhere.  He chops away but Swagger knocks him to the floor and we shift into a brawl.  Swagger hammers on him for a bit until Booker gets a spinwheel kick out of the corner to take back over.  Axe kick misses but a heel kick sends Jack to the floor again.  And that’s it as he just takes the countout at 3:14.

Rating: C-. Just a quick match here to get Booker on TV, surprisingly enough not for a plug for the Nitro DVD.  It makes sense to not have Swagger lose clean here as Booker probably isn’t going to be a regular wrestler.  Not much at all but nothing really bad here.  It’s hard to complain about a match that barely broke the threshold for a rating.

Bourne jumps Swagger in the aisle and Jack winds up taking an axe kick and the Shooting Star Press.  There’s a double Spinarooni as well.

Alex Riley/John Cena vs. The Miz/R-Truth

 

Austin is referee remember.  We get all four entrances but the bell is next.  Back and it’s Miz vs. Cena to start.  Riley gets tagged in about 20 seconds in and Miz runs to tag Truth.  Truth does his usual stuff but Riley is able to tag in Cena.  Just like Miz earlier, Truth runs for his partner so it’s back to Cena vs. Miz again.  Cena LOUDLY calls for a bulldog and hits one on Miz so that the chase can be on.

Back to Truth vs. Riley with Truth taking his head off with a clothesline as we take a break.  Back with Miz holding a chinlock on Riley.  DDT gets two for Miz.  Miz gets in Austin’s face and then misses a charge, sending his shoulder into the corner.  Truth breaks up the tag and it’s off to the chinlock again.  Truth does the always stupid looking jump off the middle rope into the boot of the other guy and it’s off to Cena.

John hits his usual stuff on Miz and sends Truth to the floor.  There’s the STF but Miz doesn’t tap.  Truth brings in a chair, only to get dropkicked down almost immediately.  Double clothesline and Cena and Miz are both down.  Riley pops up behind Cena with the briefcase but pops Miz with it.  A Stunner sets up the AA to end Miz at 10:43.

Rating: C-. Didn’t really like this here as Riley needed to get some ring time and really wasn’t much of a factor here.  It was far too similar to the main event from I think two weeks ago where Bret was referee.  Not awful but I wasn’t all that into it and the match kind of dragged a bit.

Post match the GM says Austin has overstepped his authority so we’re going to reverse the decision.  Another E-Mail makes Austin guest GM next week.  Cole gets covered in beer and takes a Stunner and AA to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Energetic show here but the wrestling held it back a bit.  They seem to have completely changed directions in the past few weeks and I think it’s working ok for the most part but not great.  Some of the feuds are interesting but seem shaky at the same time.  Capitol Punishment is more or less set on Raw and that’s a good thing.  Not a great show but overall I think it worked.

Results

Santino Marella b. Michael McGillicutty – Cobra

Kelly Kelly/Beth Phoenix b. Bella Twins – Glam Slam to Nikki Bella

Rey Mysterio b. CM Punk – Top rope splash

Kofi Kingston b. Zack Ryder – Trouble in Paradise

Booker T b. Jack Swagger via countout

R-Truth/The Miz b. Alex Riley/John Cena via disqualification when Austin stunned Miz