Wrestlemania 7
Date: March 24, 1991
Location: Los Angeles Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,158
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan
America The Beautiful: Willie Nelson

Now this was a most interesting show and one that I’ve always liked for some reason. The theme for this show was Stars and Stripes in light of the Gulf War. At the Royal Rumble, Sergeant Slaughter had won the WWF Title with the help of the Macho Man by beating the Ultimate Warrior.

Slaughter was an Iraqi sympathizer and therefore, the epitome of evil at the time. It was clear that a Real American would have to rise up to confront him and take the title back. Fortunately, the WWF had the realest of all Real Americans in Mr. Hulk Hogan.

Your other big match was the previously mentioned Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage. These two would meet on this show in a career ending match. There’s also Mr. Perfect vs. Big Bossman for the IC belt and the Nasty Boys vs. The Harts for the tag belts.

We see the Rockers talking about how the Rockers are going to beat their opponents which is about the same interview that they did for their entire time in the WWF. This is close to the end of the Rockers’ run which mainly is because you can really see the star in Shawn begging to be let out.

The Rockers vs. Haku/Barbarian

Due to Heenan managing the heels, we get Hacksaw Jim Duggan on commentary. Duggan is dressed like Uncle Sam which works fine for him. After running down the two main matches for a bit it’s time to set started.  Shawn vs. Haku opens us up here.  It’s your basic power vs. speed match to start which means it’s solid all things considered.

Everyone is in maybe 90 seconds in though and we get to an interesting part: the Rockers hit a double superkick to both guys, and the heels are up in maybe 4 seconds.  In other words, Sweet Chin Music did nothing at all.  Was it a technique thing that made them better later on?  I’ve never gotten that.  Off to Barbarian vs. Marty now which sounds painfully bad.

Sunset flip doesn’t work for Marty but Barbarian punches mat instead.  The Rockers were rather awesome at this point which is always cool to see.  Now we get to the majority of the match as Marty plays….well Marty, taking a BIG beating from the monsters.  It amazes me how these guys could have the same formula so often and make it work so many times (and yes I know the Expresses did it first).

We get the bearhug as Marty is reeling.  Granted it might be that he’s stoned or drunk but we have no evidence thereof.  Granted it’s Marty so him being sober would be most odd indeed.  Did Barbarian ever not have steady work?  Marty manages to get free but misses a second rope cross body and is caught in a SLICK powerslam to crush him for no cover.

Barbarian misses a top rope headbutt though and amazingly his Samoan head is actually hurt.  It does the needed job though as here comes Shawn off the hot tag.  Shawn manages to fight off both guys for far longer than you would expect him to.  A thumb in the eye doesn’t get Haku anywhere as Shawn gets a sunset flip for two.

Everyone comes in again and the Rockers wake up with double teams all around.  They unleash the high stuff (remember it’s Marty out there) and a cross body from Shawn gets the win.  Very fun match here and it worked rather well.  Duggan leaves since Heenan is going to take over on commentary now.

Rating: B. This was the perfect opener. There’s not much of importance here and that works well. You don’t want your fans to get emotionally invested in the first match and get them worn out in the early going. This match was fun, fast paced, and not too serious. Perfect choice for the opener. On a side note, this makes Shawn 1-2 at WM.

We see Alex Trebek, Regis Philbin and some ugly woman who are the celebrities for WM 7. Seriously, Alex Trebek? Regis I can understand, but this is the best you can do, in Los Angeles? That can’t be a good thing. They really have nothing to say of note.

Texas Tornado vs. Dino Bravo

This should be interesting. Power vs. power here so it’s likely not going to be that good. Bravo uses the absolute worst atomic drop I’ve ever seen. He just drops Tornado and it’s very sad indeed. Bravo hits his finisher and no one really is surprised when Tornado kicks out.

This is one of those matches that is on there for the purposes of filling in the card and everyone knows it.  Bravo is LONG past his point of usefulness and Von Erich just never clicked in this company past a hot debut period.  This is nothing at all and it knows it’s nothing at all.

Tornado locks in his Claw Hold and after about ten seconds the announcers acknowledge it. He then hits the spinning punch of death to pin Bravo as there’s literally no commentary for about 10 more seconds. They really didn’t care and neither do I.

Rating: F. When Gorilla Monsoon, the man that likely cared as much about the WWF than anyone else has nothing to say, you know it sucks.

Slick and Warlord babble about beating up the British Bulldog

British Bulldog and his dog Winston say they can beat the Warlord. You know, if Davey hadn’t had that stupid mascot, he could have been legendary. Everything about him just screams GIVE ME THE TITLE! At least in this interview it does.

Warlord vs. British Bulldog

Warlord has that sweet half mask at this point. The Bulldog hails from Leeds. Just thought I’d throw that out there. Power vs. Power again here, but I’m not as worried as I was about the last one. Considering this is Stars and Stripes Wrestlemania, the Bulldog’s pops are insane. Heck those would be great pops anywhere.

He had the look, the talent, the moves, the fan support, everything he needed to be a mega star. What that never happened is beyond me, but I think it wore yellow and red.  I’m really not wild on having back to back power vs. power matches but this is definitely an upgrade.  Davey runs through Warlord to start us off here and sends him to the floor with some shoulder blocks.

Crucifix doesn’t work as Warlord counters into a Samoan Drop for no cover.  Gorilla and Heenan are stealing the show.  Heenan: “I was knighted by Queen Elizabeth you know.”  Gorilla: “You keep this up I’ll have you crowned as well.”  We get the loudest pop for a bearhug that I’ve EVER heard as this crowd is really quite hot.  Total slugout here for the most part but it’s working.

Warlord gets a belly to belly out of nowhere to take Bulldog down and the crowd will not stop cheering.  This is rather impressive.  Warlord wastes time like the idiot that he is but for once it doesn’t cost him.  On to the weakest chinlock I can remember in a very long time to waste some more time.  Smith fights up and hits a VERY good dropkick to take over.

It amazes me how versatile he was at this time and wouldn’t get his big push for over a year and a half.  Granted some of that was due to Flair showing up and changing the whole thing which can’t be blamed on Vince.  Piledriver attempt by Davey is blocked into a backdrop into a sunset flip for two.

There’s the full nelson from Warlord out of nowhere and Davey is in trouble.  He can’t lock in the fingers though so there’s a chance for escape for our hero.  The fingers aren’t locked and Davey is able to bust out of it in a surprise which hadn’t been done before I don’t think.  A second later, Davey picks Warlord up and walks around with him for a bit and DRILLS him with the powerslam to end it.  This was a miracle.

Rating: B-. I liked it. Bulldog is completely carrying this match though and it’s clear who the top talent here is.  By far and away Warlord’s best match ever and something that I probably have overrated.  It’s awesome for some reason though and I think a lot of it is due to the crowd being WAY into this.  Very fun match indeed.

Jimmy Hart and the most overrated tag team I’ve ever seen, the Nasty Boys, are going to take the tag titles by cracking the foundation. The Harts disagree. Neidhart is pretty good on the mic, but Hitman is clearly the star here. This was at the very end of their run as a tag team and Bret is like Shawn at this point: ready and just waiting to be told to go for it.

Tag Titles: Nasty Boys vs. Hart Foundation

For God knows why, Jimmy Hart is wearing a motorcycle helmet.  Bret and Sags start us off here.  Bret manages to beat up both guys on his own as you can see the singles push dripping and ready to come out.  Anvil vs. Knobbs now.  Who named these two guys?  The Nasty Boys I mean.  Anvil hammers away and Brian is in big trouble early on.

Both Harts have managed to clear the ring on their own which is always a cool thing to see.  Back off to Bret again as it’s ALL Harts for about the first five minutes or so.  Bret takes a clothesline though to send him to the floor.  Anvil chases Jimmy and let’s talk about Hogan.  To the shock of absolutely no one, Bret gets beaten on for the vast majority of the time he’s in, as is his custom.

Heenan tries to imitate Gorilla’s commentary when he gets all technical about body parts in a funny but too short bit.  Sags gets a chinlock on Bret and cranks on it which gets him nowhere again.  Knobbs plays Monkey See Monkey Do as he locks in the same move which gets him nowhere either.

Neckbreaker gets two for Sags as it’s so cute to see him try to wrestle out there.  He REALLY likes that chinlock as we see it again.  Now Knobbs try it again.  They’ve probably spent 3-4 minutes on that freaking chinlock over and over again.  We get the oldest and one of the best tag moves in the books as Anvil gets the tag but it isn’t seen.

Heel miscommunication sets up the REAL hot tag and Neidhart cleans house.  The Harts were awesome as a team and it’s a shame they’re not credited more than they are.  I know they’re considered great but you don’t hear them talked about much anymore, or at least not enough for my liking.

Everything breaks down one more time and it’s a Hart Attack for Knobbs.  And there comes the infamous Megaphone as Anvil is getting rid of Sags.  Knobbs gets the pin on Bret to steal the titles.  Jimmy’s near orgasm where he rolls all over the ground and kicks his feet and kisses the title is pretty hilarious stuff.

Rating: C-. They were trying, but you can’t sell the Nastys going over the Harts to me no matter what. I think this was their last time teaming together as well as Bret went for singles competition after this.  The Nastys held the titles over the Summer before losing them at Summerslam to the LOD in their first title reign.  Not terrible but the Nastys have never done it for me at all.

We recap Roberts vs. Martel.  Now this match is 90% backstory. Jake Roberts was on the Brother Love Show and for some reason that was never explained, Rick Martel came out and sprayed Jake’s bag with Arrogance, his cologne that he carried everywhere with him and when Jake went to stop him, Jake got hit in the eye with it, allegedly blinding him.

I’ve always assumed Jake had an injury or something because he was out nearly 8 months over this. He finally came back to feud with Martel, and this was the match in which he would get his revenge. To play up on the blindness, both men’s heads have hoods over them from which they allegedly couldn’t see.  This was voted worst match of the year I believe and I think I know why.

Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel

Remember, neither guy can allegedly see here.  Jake looks somewhat drunk here.  Let the stupidity begin as the crowd has to tell them where the other guy is.  No contact a minute in.  Their feet touch a bit and Martel falls over Jake as we’re in a glorified comedy match.  We get proof they can see as Martel sets for a backdrop and Jake runs around him.  In a kayfabe sense, why would ANYONE do that?

They back into each other and then charge and miss each other.  This is so painfully stupid I can’t imagine what the person that came up with it was on.  Must have been a bondage enthusiast.  Martel gets a slam as the biggest move of the first three and a half minutes then misses an elbow.  Heenan starts repeating Monsoon in a funny bit.

Martel finds the referee twice in a row which gets him nowhere of course.  Jake does a thing where he runs his finger around the ring and the crowd cheers when he points at Martel.  Now he’s clapping.  How are we five minutes into this already?  Heenan: why doesn’t Martel peak?  Gorilla: that’s cheating!  Heenan: so what???  That’s an excellent point actually.

Apparently the snake now weighs 500lbs according to Heenan.  The fans chant DDT.  I think they want the pesticide to kill themselves.  It must be a better treatment than having to watch this.  Martel runs into the bag in the corner and we STILL have had a total of maybe 20 seconds of contact in over six minutes of the match.  I can’t refer to it as wrestling or action as it has been neither.

Jake gets a headlock and is sent to the floor off a counter.  Heenan: HEY MARTEL!  HE’S ON THE FLOOR!  Martel, like an idiot, goes to the floor and grabs a chair which he pokes around with.  He swings the chair at a post and hurts his hand.  They finally find each other, I think out of boredom.  Boston Crab goes on and Jake is in trouble.  Never mind as he kicks him off and gets the DDT to finally end this mess.

Rating: F. What they were thinking here I don’t have a clue, but this was just a terrible match. The fans were into it for some reason but for almost 10 minutes they do nothing but hunt for each other or land a punch or two here and there. Just a complete waste of time.

That woman from earlier is in the locker room as the Nastys celebrate. What is the point of this again?

Undertaker vs. Jimmy Snuka

And so it began. You know where this goes.  No promos or anything as Taker was just squashing people at this point.  We start with a LONG staredown and again no contact.  Bearer is as freaky looking as ever.  Taker drills Snuka and we’re finally getting going here.  The jumping clothesline takes Snuka down and it’s one sided already.

Heenan tries to figure out the Urn which hasn’t been done in nearly 20 years so far but whatever.  Gorilla says people with white coats and a net are coming after Bearer.  That would be after his son actually but who’s counting?  Snuka comes back with pure jobber offense that gets him a grand total of nowhere.  He hotshots himself to the floor though and that should just about do it.  Taker catches a springboard cross body and the Tombstone kills Jimmy with ease.

Rating: D+. This is mostly for historical significance as the match itself is nothing. It’s a squash and a fairly bad one at that. However, no one at the time knew what would come from this. Truly a piece of wrestling history and you have to wonder if anyone could have dreamed that this would be the first in a streak that got Taker what, three or four world titles at Mania?  Remarkable.

We see a video package highlighting the events leading up to the Career Ending Match between Macho Man and Ultimate Warrior. Back when Warrior was champion, Macho Man wanted a title shot and he attacked Warrior to get one. Sherri, in one of the most sexually dripping promos of all time, literally gets on her knees and begs Warrior for a title shot. He says no.

At the 91 Rumble, Warrior defended against Sgt. Slaughter. Sherri came out and got Warrior to chase her, allowing Savage to beat him up. Warrior winds up coming back and almost winning, but here comes Sherri again. He reaches to grab her and Savage pops up and blasts him in the head with his scepter, allowing Slaughter to drop an elbow and pin him for the title. That brings us here.

Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage

If WM 6 was Warrior’s greatest match, this is his second greatest. Before the match though, Bobby Heenan sees none other than Miss Elizabeth sitting in the front row. She hadn’t been seen in the WWF in nearly a year at this point so this was very surprising. Amazingly enough, Heenan can spot her from at least 50 yards away, when the camera can barely recognize her 10 feet away. You have to love kayfabe.

Warrior walks to the ring which freaks everyone out.  I’ve seen this match a few dozen times and it still works every single time.  This feels totally epic which is exactly the idea.  Warrior has the belt on the back of his tights which he never would win again.  Feeling out process to start as of course Warrior has the power advantage.

Warrior overpowers him to start and controls early on, much like Hogan did to Savage two years ago.  In case I forgot this is a career ending match.  How in the world did I forget to say that?  Sherri comes in so Warrior throws Savage at her to send her back to the floor.  We hit the floor where Savage tries to play mind games by throwing in a chair.  That gets him nowhere.

All Warrior so far but it’s incredibly early so it means nothing at all.  Savage finally gets Warrior to make a mistake and Warrior is sent to the floor.  Sherri keeps interfering but thankfully they don’t throw the match out because of it.  This is the largest PPV audience ever which is laughable to think they could know that halfway through the show but whatever.

Warrior cranks it up again and then does something very odd (I’m shocked too).  With Savage down on one knee and with his head down, Warrior goes for a flying tackle which more or less looks like a flying headbutt because Savage is still down.  It was just weird looking and I have no idea what he was thinking at all.  Anyway it lets Savage take over.

Double clothesline puts both guys down though.  And now we pause to look at Sherri’s rather nice figure.  In a nice nod to Mania 3, Savage gets rolled up off a slam but there’s no referee due to Sherri.  There goes said referee so it’s a free for all now.  Sherri takes off the shoe and goes up but it hits Savage in the head by mistake.

Savage gets a rollup for two as Heenan says he can’t even talk anymore which Gorilla doesn’t even reply to.  You can tell he’s into this.  We now hit one of the more famous parts of the match as Savage goes up and hits FIVE elbow drops from the top when I think only Hogan and George Steele (yes that George Steele) had ever kicked out of one.

The reaction from Heenan to the kick out is absolutely excellent.  Savage is SHOCKED.  Warrior Hulks Up and hits four or five clotheslines to take Savage down.  Gorilla Press and splash only get two though and now Warrior is SHOCKED.  Warrior looks up into the sky to ask “his gods” about whether it’s his time to leave and he walks out.

Savage jumps him instead and brings him back and we go on.  Warrior is draped across the barricade but Savage misses and is more or less dead on his feet.  Warrior throws his body back in and hits a bunch of BIG shoulder blocks with Savage selling like no one else could, making himself look like a rag doll.  He hits the floor three times and is just dead.  Warrior puts his foot on the chest and is triumphant.  That’s the basis for KB vs. Sabre for you OCW fans.

Rating: A+. Combining the post match stuff with the match, this is easily the best segment to date in Wrestlemania history and is easily one of the best of all time. It’s a shame it’s almost forgotten today due to Vince’s vendettas against both guys.  This is an absolute classic and DEFINITELY the best Mania match in a very long time.  I’d put it maybe in the top five Mania matches in the WWF Era and easily top ten ever at this show.  Great match and absolutely worth seeing.

The real memory of this match comes afterwards though in what is likely considered the most emotional moment in WWF history. Savage is still out cold in the ring and Sherri comes in and freaks out on him, saying that he ended her career too. Both commentators are saying to give him a break and that no one else, not even Hogan could have taken this kind of a beating and survived.

Sherri starts to kick him with her high heels when Savage couldn’t hold off a toddler at this point. With her beating Savage up, Miss Elizabeth jumps the guard rail and for the first time ever, attacks someone by throwing Sherri out of the ring as the crowd is stunned to see her. Savage tries to get up but doesn’t know who was beating on him. He turns to see Liz and almost falls to the ground again in shock.

The referee tells him it was Sherri kicking him and he’s even more confused. Liz opens her arms and after a few moments Savage hugs her as the crowd absolutely loses it. Savage puts her on his shoulders and there is nothing but cheering and crying from the crowd. Heenan is beside himself at “this sickening display.”

Finally they’re ready to leave and in the ultimate display of his love, Savage refuses to let Liz hold the ropes open for him as she did for years and instead holds them open for her, truly showing he’s a changed man.  This is probably the best emotional moment ever at this point and still holds up to this day.  Incredible stuff and again, definitely something worth seeing.

We go from one of the most emotional moments in wrestling history to… a debate on instant replay. Yes you read that right. Vince McMahon acts on moderator (C.M. > Vince) between Paul McGuire and George Steinbrenner of all people as they argue over instant replay.

During the debate, McGuire calls Steinbrenner a butt head, leading to Vince to call on his instant replay “officials” to review it. As this continues to spiral into udder stupidity, the Bushwackers are the officials. They say that there’s inconclusive evidence, therefore the insult stands. Finally this ends and we go back to the arena. This was somehow stupider than it sounds.

Trebek talks to Demolition who scares him off.

Regis talks to…….GENICHIRO TENRYU?????  He’s here with Kitao who isn’t anyone special but I’ve heard of him.  They can’t understand Regis.

Trebek is scared of Jake.
Demolition vs. Tenryu/Kitao

I know who the two Japanese wrestlers are, but why in the heck are they on Wrestlemania? Demolition was little more than jobbers at this point. After they lost the titles to the Harts at Summerslam 90 Ax had left so this is Smash and Crush. They had also gotten Mr. Fuji back at this point.

Crush and Kitao start us off here.  Kitao is a big old boy too.  Fuji gets a cane shot in almost immediately as it looks like dominance from Demolition to start.  Heenan makes Japanese jokes as this is mostly dominance.  Somehow Kitao is named Fred.  Tenryu comes in and avoids the Decapitator and hits a big powerbomb on Crush to…get the pin?  WOW.  This was Demolition’s last match too.  Odd indeed.

Rating: W. As in what were they thinking here? I know that Tenryu is a Japanese legend, but no one knew who he was at Wrestlemania. The crowd is silent when Demolition lost. This wasn’t even a loss but rather a squash. This whole match made absolutely zero sense.

Big Bossman says he’s coming for Heenan after he gets the IC Title.

Heenan says he’s not afraid of Bossman.

Intercontinental Title: Big Bossman vs. Mr. Perfect

Bossman is insanely over at this point having been running around with Hogan all through the second half of the year. Heenan had been talking trash about Bossman’s mama, and you don’t talk bad about a Southern boy’s mother. Bossman went to war with the Heenan Family and the only person left was their top wrestler, Mr. Perfect.

Considering Bossman weighs more than Kane, the stuff he can do in the ring is mind blowing. He moves like someone Chavo’s size.  All signs point to this being the changing of the title.  Perfect throws the towel at Boss Man so Boss Man spits at Perfect.  Perfect’s selling goes insane of course and it works great.  Boss Man throws some GREAT punches.

I feel like I’m watching a match on fast forward.  A charge misses though and we slow things WAY down all of a sudden.  Boss Man pulls his belt out which is allegedly a foreign object but I’m not sure how.  It would seem perfectly legal to me as he brought it in with him didn’t he?  There’s the abdominal stretch as the belt didn’t get Boss Man very far at all.

There’s that neck snap from Perfect which is always fun to see.  Perfectplex is blocked though but Boss Man can’t get anything going at all.  Perfect gets a reverse neck snap which we would more or less call a Blockbuster today.  He goes up but does the jump into the boot spot to set up Boss Man’s comeback.

Perfect gets the tar punched out of him which doesn’t take much as I don’t think there’s much tar in him for the most part.  Boss Man rams into the steps though and Heenan gets some shots in.  The crowd pops like a cherry though as here comes Andre.  Heenan LOSES IT and Andre grabs the belt just because he wants to.  He DRILLS Perfect with it but the Heenan Family runs in for the save before Boss Man can get the title.  The overly large faces clear the ring.  Odd finish.
Rating: C-. This again is historic as it’s Andre’s last WM appearance. It really is sad to see him in such physically bad shape. He would be dead in less than two years, just after the debut of Monday Night Raw, I believe the day of the third show.  For the life of me I do not get why Boss Man didn’t get the title here as every single sign on the planet would have pointed to it.  No clue what the reasoning was here though.

We see Bossman and Andre saying that the war with Heenan isn’t over. Actually it was.

The following people are here and talked to by Gene:

Lou Ferrigno (the Incredible Hulk)

Donald Trump

Chuck Norris

Henry Winkler (FONZIE!!!!!)

What an odd grouping indeed.
Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine

This is about as close to nothing as you can get. Hammer gets in a few elbows and then goes down with ease to the Earthquake splash.  It was a squash that somehow went three minutes but you get the idea.  There was a powerslam thrown in there somewhere.  Hammer did manage to get Quake down and go for the Figure Four but it went nowhere.  Why in the world is Valentine a face anyway?

Rating: N/A. Very little here and to have someone as good as Valentine reach this point in his career is kind of sad.  Total squash despite the fact that Earthquake was about to become a tag team guy with Tugboat.

The LOD want the belts from the Nastys and they’re going to make Power and Glory sour and gory.

Legion of Doom vs. Power and Glory

This match lasts less than a minute as LOD destroy Hercules and Paul “I was a Horsemen blast it” Roma.  Back to back squashes though?  Really?  Match ran 59 seconds somehow and the Doomsday Device ended it.

Rating: N/A. The only thing keeping this above failing is the LOD’s music. They were so over it’s not even funny.

We recap the events leading up to DiBiase and Virgil. Over the years, Virgil did every disgusting thing that DiBiase told him to do and finally he snapped. Roddy Piper began encouraging him and we get to this match. At the Rumble Virgil and DiBiase had been a team and Virgil got pinned. DiBiase blamed him and told him to wrap the belt around his waist, but Virgil hit him with it instead.

Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase

DiBiase rarely ever lost at this point so this was viewed as a squash. Virgil actually goes on for ten minutes. Roddy Piper is in his corner on crutches as he had recently been in a motorcycle wreck.  Virgil tags DiBiase with punches to start which are about all he’s got.  DiBiase hits the floor as he’s all frustrated now.

Back in the ring and DiBiase takes down Virgil with a clothesline to get control for a bit.  The common idea here was that Virgil couldn’t wrestle but he had been trained and was a regular wrestler in the indies before he came to WWF and had at least two matches before this one in a WWF ring.  DiBiase gets a Piledriver as Virgil is in trouble.

Beautiful gutwrench suplex gets two.  DiBiase sends him to the floor and then yells at Piper.  He kicks out the crutch from under his leg to send him down because he’s a bad man.  Piper hooks the top rope and Piper hits the floor.  More yelling and shoving of men on crutches ends this though as we have a countout with Virgil winning in a shock.

Rating: C-. This feud was years in the making and the emotion was there, but it was on way too late in the card and the people wanted to see Hogan. Having Virgil get the win was huge though.

Slaughter and General Adnan, a.k.a. the Iron Sheik, say that there’s a new set of rules, and there’s a chance he might accidentally get counted out or DQed tonight.

The Mountie vs. Tito Santana

No point at all to this one but we’ll throw it in here to fill in some time.  Tito runs Mountie around for a few seconds, Mountie can barely do anything, Jimmy slis him the shock stick and Mountie uses it on Santana and pins him. Absolutely no one cares and neither do I. Only significance is Santana continues to have been at every Wrestlemania thus far which I think only Hogan is the other person to do so.

Rating: N/A. Nothing special here as it was a pure filler.

We finally get to the recap for Hogan and Slaughter. The main idea is that Slaughter is threatening to lose on purpose so Hogan doesn’t win the title.  Slaughter is an Iraqi sympathizer so the feud was based off Operation Desert Storm, or as it’s more commonly known, the Gulf War.  Pay no attention to the fact that the war was already over by this point.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter

Hmm.  I think I may have to bet on this Slaughter guy.  It seems likely that he’s going to win it as I think this Hogan chap is overmatched.  Is there any reason as to why Alex Trebek is the guest announcer here?  I mean dude, IT’S ALEX TREBEK!  Anyway, Hogan of course is absolutely insanely over but that pop would start to die off rather soon.

Regis is on commentary for this which is even weirder.  Long feeling out process as they feel out each other’s power.  Hogan sends him to the floor which gets him a few good shots in.  Slaughter begs off back in the ring but gets an eye rake like the evil….American that he is.  Yeah this was kind of a weird setup.  Heenan keeps talking about some party he’s having on Prime Time Wrestling.

Slaughter in control now as Regis shows that he has zero business being a commentator on the main event of Mania, as he has nothing to say.  That’s not his fault of course, but he is just kind of there.  No one wants to come to Bobby’s party.  That’s rather amusing indeed.  Hogan takes over again and does more or less nothing special at all.

A knee to the back sends Slaughter into the buckle.  A slingshot makes him completely miss the post but we’ll say it hit anyway.  After a good long beating, Hogan shows how stupid he can be and goes up to the middle rope which doesn’t work.  He more or less no sells the shot Slaughter gets on him and goes to the top?  What the heck???  Adnan interferes and Hogan pulls a Flair in a funny spot.

Slaughter Cannon sends Hogan to the floor.  He beats the tar out of Hogan with a chair on the floor which gets him somewhere for a change.  The referee won’t count him out or DQ him though.  Well that’s certainly nice of him isn’t it?  Back in the ring now with Slaughter hooking a Boston Crab after pounding away for awhile on the back.

You know this hold would look a bit more realistic and painful if Hogan wasn’t just barely beneath the rope and that by moving maybe 8 inches up the hold would be broken.  Granted that might just be me overthinking this.  Slaughter works on the back forever and gets a chair shot to the head to bust open Hulk.  Can we please just get to him breaking the camel clutch and getting the title back?

THANK YOU!  Slaughter gets his UNBREAKABLE, yes UNBREAKABLE I SAY, hold on Hogan who of course, just like he did to the Sheik, breaks it.  Slaughter gets him down again (to humble him perhaps?) and drapes the Iraqi flag over him because he is a very stupid man.  Hogan kicks out and you can fill in the blanks yourself.

Rating: C+. Easily more about symbolism, but there was one major flaw: the war was already over when this match took place. It was like TNA in levels of being behind the times.  This was a fairly decent match though and I thought it worked well enough for what it was supposed to do.  The Hogan pop was starting to die off though and it would become much clearer in the future.

Overall Rating: C. This really isn’t one of the great Manias but it has one of the best moments of all time. The problem in this Mania is the mid card is just awful. The big midcard match ended in a DQ and was a way to get Andre on the show. There’s just nothing here and with Savage stealing the show from Hogan again, it hurts the show a bit.

The complete lack of drama in the main event doesn’t help things either as Slaughter spent all night talking about losing on purpose and you never once see that in the main event. It’s not a bad show, but it’s far from great. Watch it for the Savage and Hogan matches and if you just need to kill some time, the opener.

Smackdown
Date: March 11, 2011
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

Off the top of my head there’s nothing that I know of to expect here.  I think we get Christian vs. Del Rio but I’m not entirely sure.  The show last week was a lot better than the previous ones so hopefully they can continue that mini streak that they’re on.  Also I’d expect more from HHH vs. Taker tonight so that should be good.  Let’s get to it.

Yes I do know my enemies: the people that picked the cast of NXT Season 5.

HHH is on Smackdown for the first time in over a year to respond to Undertaker.

Here’s Edge to a BIG pop.  At least I think it is.  His music sounds like cheering at first.  We recap the contract signing from last week.  Teddy hoping it could go well just once was funny.  Christian made the save.  Edge says a busted nose isn’t going to stop him from getting to Del Rio at Wrestlemania.  Tonight he wants a fight, not a match, and he’s demanding Alberto come out here right now.

Cue Alberto and Brodus with the boss looking all ticked off.  No car for this entrance at least.  Alberto asks if Edge knows who Alberto is.  Edge says Alberto is the Ricky Martin look-a-like trying to reform Menudo with King Hippo over there.  Funny line but in a serious manner.  Albert says he’s going to replace Edge’s legacy with Alberto’s destiny.  Edge says he doesn’t think so and jumps both of them but Brodus gets in a shot and the beatdown is on.

Edge’s shoulder goes into the post and here’s Christian for the save again.  Christian and Brodus are very good additions to this feud as you can only have Alberto and Edge talk to each other and brawl so many times.  With the non-Canadians dominating Teddy Long is here, making the obvious tag team main event.  For some reason this is historic.  I’m not sure why but that’s just what you say in wrestling.

Cole says that he’s a pop icon, not just an announcer.  Tonight he has the “interview of the year” with Cena.

Kane vs. Wade Barrett

 

We get a recap of the Corre vs. Big Show with Kane getting involved in said feud last week.  Barrett says Kane has made some mistakes, including not accepting what Corre did for him recently.  Barrett calls Kane a great big chemical experiment mistake.  Barrett goes right for him and takes over to start us off.  Kane fires back and it’s a brawl in the early going.

And never mind as Corre is here 42 seconds in.  Big Show comes out with a chair for the save and we take a break.

Big Show/Kane vs. Heath Slater/Wade Barrett

 

This is in progress when we get back as Show beats up Slater.  Off to Barrett now who gets beaten down also.  Show chops away at him in the corner and adds a clothesline.  Chokeslam misses though and Barrett goes after the knee.  He stomps Show down and it’s off to Slater.  How did Barrett go from the biggest heel in the company to this in just a few months?

Slater chokes away and Booker doesn’t seem that worried about Show.  Apparently the champion should be listened to as Show gets up and drops Slater on his back to break it up.  Lukewarm tag to Kane who destroys Slater and takes down Barrett also.  Big boot sets up the call for the chokeslam but Corre comes in AGAIN and it’s another DQ at 3:20.

Rating: D+. This was more or less a squash for the whole match.  Show and Kane were never in any real danger as all Barrett was doing to Show was stomping him.  I’m still waiting on Corre to actually do something of note (the tag titles haven’t been noteworthy in forever) and I think I’m waiting in vain.

Big beatdown follows until Show grabs a chair.  Down goes everyone in Corre as Show stands very tall.  And then he takes the chair and cracks Kane over the back with it as payback for last week.

Rey is up next.

Scratch that as instead we’re going to waste about 10 minutes on the Austin/JBL/Cole segment first.  Again, couldn’t we use this time on a wrestling show for, like, wrestling?

Back with Cole comparing that night to being a war correspondent.  That’s almost like comparing 9/11 to a steroids trial.  Wait….

Now Cody is up next?  Was Rey just forgotten or something?

Cody Rhodes vs. JTG

 

Cody is in a suit here.  Well at least he took the jacket and tie off.  JTG, the NXT pro mind you, doesn’t even get an introduction.  We get a clip of Dusty helping his son jump Rey a few weeks ago.  Dusty telling his boy to apologize is kind of funny.  Apparently Cody doesn’t want to be called Dashing anymore.  Cody jumps him to start and hammers away as we get a Texas Outlaws reference.  He hits JTG in the face with a headbutt complete with the loaded mask and then Cross Rhodes ends it in 53 seconds, somehow the second longest match tonight so far.

We waste another 4 minutes or so by showing the HBK thing from Raw where he talks about HHH.  That marks about 14 minutes of this show dedicated to just showing stuff from Raw again, or roughly 1/8 of the total time of the show including commercials.  Great job guys.

Here’s another Raw guy, this time John Cena, for an interview with Michael Cole.  First up, another minute long clip added on from Raw, this time of Miz jumping Cena to end the show.  Cena sends Cole back to the announce table and addresses Miz.  He says he’s done with wasting his time with BS and if Miz wants to make a statement and be the face of the WWE, then Cena’s new goal is breaking the face of the WWE.

Cena gets ready to leave but Cole says he isn’t done yet.  Cole says Cena is underestimating Miz as Miz shut Cole up Monday.  This prompts Cena to rip his shirt off and cue Swagger for the save.  He gets Cena in the ankle lock but winds up taking an FU for his troubles.

Sin Cara video, which is still awesome.

Kaitlyn vs. Layla

 

Kaitlyn is from Houston and therefore a hometown girl.  Booker says quack, quack for some reason.  Are the girls are animals now according to commentators?  Kaitlyn dominates to start as Layla wants help from Michelle.  McCool distracts and Layla gets a kick and the Layout Neckbreaker to end this at 54 seconds.  Have we warped back to Superstars in the 80s and I wasn’t told???

McCool knees Kaitlyn in the back of the head post match.

Rey Mysterio vs. Drew McIntyre

 

The bell rings and Drew kicks Rey’s head off.  All Drew to start as he uses size and power to take over.  He shouts that Rey isn’t going to Wrestlemania as we hit a modified bow and arrow.  Rey fights up and tries the 619 but we head to the floor.  They fight on the apron with Drew shoving him into the post and adding a backbreaker onto the apron which I’ve never seen before.

Back from a break with a modified surfboard on Rey.  Drew continues his dominance by sending Rey into the buckle chest first for two.  He sets for the Futureshock off the top but Rey knocks Drew down for a seated senton.  He tries a rotating cross body but Drew ducks for two.  Drew charges into the post shoulder first and Rey hits the 619 and the top rope splash to end this at 4:30 shown of 8:00.

Rating: C+. Pretty basic match here as the whole idea was about Drew trying to impress people to get a shot at Mania.  This wasn’t a squash as Drew controlled for the most part but I don’t think anyone really thought Rey was in any real trouble.  It does help however that this got a bit of time (yes on Smackdown 8 minutes is now considered time) and Drew got to look decent.

Post match Cody comes out and wants an answer to his challenge.  Rey says he wears the mask with pride and will wear it with pride at Wrestlemania when he beats down Cody Rhodes.  So the match is official.

Here’s HHH to respond to what Undertaker said on Raw.  What you’re not going to show us that too?  Ah instead we get a video on HHH, reminding us of how awesome he is.  Why do I have a feeling this was laying around the office just waiting on a chance to be aired?  He talks about how he saw the two greatest matches he’s ever seen in the last two Wrestlemanias between Undertaker and Shawn Michaels.

The question is why couldn’t Shawn win?  Shawn said on Raw that it was because of emotion.  Shawn went to the ring to not lose rather than win.  HHH’s dark side is going to keep him from having to worry about that.  He can do terrible things to people and not care.  That sounds like a horrible person but it’s true.  HHH says he’ll beat Taker at Wrestlemania because he’ll have no emotion or care about what stands before him.  Things that go bump in the night don’t scare him.  Please, not another “I’m not afraid of the dark” promos.  He thanks Taker for making it no holds barred and we’re done.

Christian is getting ready and Matt Striker asks him what it’s like to have Edge and Christian back together again.  Christian talks about all the things that have happened in the last ten years, listing things like Facebook, Twitter (Christian4Peeps apparently), Charlie Sheen losing his mind and about 15 other things, but we’ve never seen E and C back together.  Tonight we do.  Edge pops up to say nothing of note.

Edge/Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio/Brodus Clay

 

It’s a Ferrari tonight.  No entrance for Brodus but he gets his name read by Ricardo.  Christian vs. Brodus gets us going here.  Christian sticks and moves while firing a lot of right hands.  A corner splash misses and Christian wants the tornado DDT.  Alberto distracts though and it’s a suplex off the top for Brodus to give him control.  Alberto rams Christian into the railing outside but Edge chases him off.

Off to Del Rio as Edge hasn’t been in yet.  He starts in on Christian’s arm and drops a knee to the back for two.  The elbow pad gets ripped off and Christian is in trouble.  To the corner they go and Christian is able to knock him backwards and get a jumping back elbow off the middle rope to get us to even.  Tag in to Edge and Brodus at the same time with Brodus landing a powerslam on Edge for two.

He’s Big Bad Brodus Clay according to Cole.  Booker gets way too excited as usual as Edge gets up to set for the spear.  Instead Brodus flattens him but misses an Umaga-like charge in the corner.  Christian and Del Rio are sent to the floor.  Christian pops back up and hits the tornado DDT so that Edge can drop a top rope elbow on Clay for the pin at 5:53.  Never seen Edge use that before but if it’s a change from the spear I’ll take it.

Rating: C. Just your normal run of the mill main event tag match here.  There was more or less no way Edge and Christian were going to reunite for the first time in forever and lose so it’s not like the ending was ever in doubt.  Still though, this is good as it changes things up a bit, keeping us from having to sit through the same stuff time after time until Mania.

Overall Rating: C+. This is another odd show as the wrestling is incredibly light but a lot of stuff happened.  I can live with the lighter wrestling as they moved some stuff forward and got us a bit more ready for Mania.  This was a good show but with more wrestling and less Raw stuff it could have been a lot better.  I really hope this isn’t the new norm after Mania, because that would be very saddening.

Results

Kane b. Wade Barrett via DQ when the Corre interfered

Kane/Big Show b. Wade Barrett/Heath Slater via DQ when Corre interfered

Cody Rhodes b. JTG – Cross Rhodes

Layla b. Kaitlyn – Layout

Rey Mysterio b. Drew McIntyre – Top rope splash

Edge/Christian b. Alberto Del Rio/Brodus Clay – Top rope elbow to Clay

NXT
Date: March 8, 2011
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Todd Grisham, William Regal

This is the debut of Season Five of NXT.  There has been no cast or Pros or anything like that announced yet.  All we know is that Maryse is going to be the host which was revealed/announced earlier today.  The rumor for this season was that it would be Legends with their children for this season which could be good for the older fans.  If that’s not the case I’ll edit this out.  Let’s get to it.

As the show opens you see the word “Redemption” everywhere.  Oh I have a bad feeling about this.

William Regal is now a commentator.

Striker and Maryse are now the hosts.  She introduces the Rookies.

Darren Young.  Oh dang it I was afraid of this.

Conor O’Brian

Lucky Cannon (with a big feathery robe)

Byron Saxton

Jacob Novak

Titus O’Neal

That’s it.  I have to watch these guys AGAIN?  The winner of this gets to be on NXT Season 6.  What the heck?  There’s no immunity but rather redemption points which make no sense but sounds like exactly the same thing.  Here are the Pros.

Darren Young gets Chavo Guerrero.  Chavo says Darren is good in the ring but he needs to be more aggressive.  Guerrero wants Young to get noticed.

O’Brian gets Vladimir Kozlov.  This isn’t going to go well.  He says some stuff no one can understand.

Lucky Cannon has Tyson Kidd.  What the heck are they thinking here?  Has Kidd actually won a match in the last two months?  Cannon, who is the reigning FCW Champion and a heel now, needs to be meaner.

Saxton gets Yoshi freaking Tatsu, who is in a suit.  Grisham points out the international flavor of this season.  Tatsu says Saxton needs to relax.

Novak the Worthless gets JTG.  Oh I give up.

Titus O’Neil gets Hornswoggle.  I didn’t listen to his promo/speech as I was writing up my resignation.

Novak vs. Young is up next.

Darren Young vs. Jacob Novak

 

Young has a haircut at least now.  They head to the floor which might have been an accident.  We hit the ropes a few times and Young gets a forearm to take him down.   Regal is a natural on commentary.  Novak with a clothesline in the corner for two so we hit the chinlock.  Young fights back which gets him nowhere for the most part as Novak hits yet another clothesline to take over.  Young hits that spinning full nelson slam to end this at 3:30.

Rating: D+. This was dull again.  Neither of these guys has anything that makes me want to watch them and I feel like I’m watching some weak indy match.  Novak continues to redefine what it means to be worthless.  Young is decent enough but again he’s not someone I would ever stop to watch.

Yoshi talks to Maryse in the back, saying she’ll be a great host.  He has something to tell her but Saxton comes up and says he’d love to talk strategy with his Pro.  She leaves and Tatsu says Saxton’s timing is no good.

Raw ReBound, which recaps the previous week’s show as Rock pretends to be a rapper.  Now we get part of Cena’s “Knockout” last night which was nowhere near his one from two weeks ago.  I still like Cena’s stuff better than Rock’s in this feud.  The aspect about Rock being in the arena once is really all the ammo Cena needs.  We also get Miz’s run in to end the show which was better than anything else in the last segment.  Thankfully this is actually a recap and not just reairing the whole thing.

Conor O’Brian talks about hiding behind a persona last season.  He talks about being poor growing up.  Why does it seem that every wrestler went through torture growing up?

There’s a Boot Camp Obstacle Course up next.

More on the Chaperone.  If I ever want to end myself it’ll be with a marathon of Legendary, Knucklehead and Chaperone.

Snooki is coming to Raw.  Dang it all.  WWE you continue to tick me off.

We do a Boot Camp Obstacle Course and first off my jaw drops at Maryse in camouflage.  I’m not a fan of her but good freaking grief she looks great here.

Titus goes first.  The course is jumping a wall, going under a net on the ground kind of thing, a balance beam, weaving through some polls and picking up a bag to carry across the finish line.  Titus gets 29.8.

Novak shatters it with 24 seconds.  There’s nothing to say here for the most part.

Saxton gets a time of 26.5.

Lucky Cannon in the pink tights, stops to say he won’t be a circus monkey this season because it’s all about him.

Conor is 5^th and gets a time of 27.1.  He stumbled at the beginning which hurt him a lot.

Young goes last and is FLYING.  He wins it with a time of 23 seconds, good for 3 Redemption Points which I’m not sure I understand.  Granted that might be because I thought they were different than Immunity Points.

We reair the majority of the Cole/JBL/Austin thing because these guys can’t have matches right?  Cole on commentary here is still absolutely awesome.  This eats up 8 minutes.

HHH will be on Smackdown.  Also Christian vs. Alberto.

Saxton says he’ll take less for granted because it’s his last chance.

Lucky Cannon vs. Titus O’Neil

After about a minute of jokes about the robe we’re ready to go.  Titus hammers him away in the corner but gets sent outside for his efforts.  And there goes the feed.  Hey tonight isn’t a total loss!  Ah there it is and Cannon has a chinlock.  Regal says Finlay is the best ever from his part of the world.  Cannon is a total heel here but the name is going to hold him back.  Titus gets a belly to back to escape from a headlock.  Titus uses his power but gets taken down.  Horny distracts Tyson and assists Titus to hit a Sky High (D’Lo’s old finisher) powerbomb to end this at 2:57.  Too short to grade but nothing of note.  This ends the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This was just like any other episode of this show, as in nothing special at all.  I have more or less zero desire to watch this season as the biggest named pro is Chavo, the best guy in the group is I guess Young, there’s the stupid Redemption thing and this is to get on the next season of NXT rather than an actual prize, meaning someone will be on three seasons of the show by the end of next season.  It’s going to be a long Spring.

Results

Darren Young b. Jacob Novak – Release Full Nelson Slam

Darren Young won the Boot Camp Obstacle Course

Titus O’Neil b. Lucky Cannon – Sitout Powerbomb

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 7, 2011
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 16,744
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

After last week’s wrestling light show tonight we’re supposed to get Cena’s response to Rock which he says will be a final knockout.  With Mania more or less set all we have to do for the most part is finish the build to it.  There are four Raws left before then and hopefully they’re better than last week’s.  Austin is here tonight too which should help some.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from last week of HHH talking about how his only remaining challenge is the Streak and ending it.

In the arena Taker comes to the ring complete with Johnny Cash music.  He talks about how people have been talking about how the Streak ends this year due to Father Time.  Or maybe it’s due to the Game, the King of Kings, Triple H.  Taker says that only one can be the Last Outlaw.  He shows us a highlight reel of the last two Mania matches, showing what happens to people that try to end his Streak.  The match at Mania is no holds barred apparently, and at Wrestlemania, HHH will Rest in Peace.

After telling us about Austin being here tonight we see Orton fighting off someone in the back.  It’s Otunga and Orton is double teamed by Otunga and Ryan.  Punk comes up and says McGillicutty is on the shelf.  Punk gets in his face and slams his head into what looks like a metal wall or cabinet.  GTS to Orton and Punk tells the two guys to take him to the ring as we go to a break.

Back with Nexus beating on Orton and then Otunga saying he’s ready for his match.  Randy says ring the bell.

Randy Orton vs. David Otunga

 

Otunga is in control quickly due to Orton being very weakened.  He pounds away and adds a slam for two.  Otunga gets his spinebuster for two which more or less seals the fate of the ending here.  He picks Orton up again and there’s the RKO to end it at 2:00.  Exactly what you would expect here.

Post match Ryan runs out after being thrown out pre-match and kicks Orton’s head off.  Orton fights him off and hits an RKO to leave him laying.  Punk comes out for the staredown while staying outside.  Orton snaps to attention and runs to the other side of the ring, punting Otunga as he gets up.  He did it so fast it was kind of hard to tell actually.  Replay shots the Punt looking great too.

Cole reveals his guest referee tonight.

Miz isn’t here tonight due to a lack of recognition.  That’s very true actually as it’s been about Rock vs. Cena.

Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio

 

Is there a reason this is on Raw and not on Smackdown?  Albert has Brodus Clay with his which is always a good thing.  Brodus has a mic with him so I might as well get this ready now.

Christian vs. Brodus Clay

 

Alberto says they’re going to fight but not tonight.  First off he has to beat Brodus Clay.  Yep I was right.  Clay takes him down almost immediately but Christian reverses a slam attempt.  Unprettier doesn’t work at all and Brodus takes over with raw power.  That would be opposed to Smackdown power of course.

He locks in an armbar which is very logical here.  There’s that T-Bone suplex but a splash misses.  A pair of dropkicks takes Brodus down for two.  Christian reverses a powerslam and a Tornado DDT gets the Canadian the win at 2:45.  Too short to grade but this was a good power vs. speed match which is the best kind of match.

 

Del Rio puts Christian in the Cross Armbreaker post match.

 

Package on Sin Cara.  They’re making him out to look like a big deal which is a good sign.

The newest Hall of Fane inductee (along with Michaels, Duggan and Bullet Bob Armstrong) is Sunny.  Oh yes this should be happening.  She’s the original Diva and belongs in the Hall of Fame.  Not a bit of sarcasm in there.

Women’s Title: Eve Torres vs. Nikki Bella

 

The bell is after the break.  Gail Kim is here with Eve.  Eve starts all fired up and hammers away on Nikki including a bicycle kick.  Cole talks about going to be on New Year’s Eve and waking up on Christmas morning.  That’s how he feels about introducing his referee tonight.  Cole literally gets up on the table and grabs a mic, saying we need to end this because he wants to announce his referee.  Eve uses the bottom rope as a springboard to get an enziguri.  Twin Magic gets caught and a spinning neckbreaker gives eve the win at 3:12.

Rating: C. Even with the Cole stuff in there the whole time this wasn’t bad for the most part.  Eve dominated and thankfully they didn’t manage to make things look stupid with the Twin Magic getting by again.  It makes the referee and wrestlers look stupid so I’m glad it failed here.  Decent match here and pretty good for the most part.  Should be interesting to see where it goes from here too.

Snooki of Jersey Shore will be Guest Star next week.  Dang it all.

 

It’s time for Cole to introduce his referee.  He has a contract and whoever signs said contract will be the referee.  If that’s not a way to cause some issues I don’t know what is.  Cole talks about how he’s been a fan of this guy for years and how he’s a guy that’s going to call the show right down the middle.  The referee Cole has picked is a legendary Texan and the fans want to cheer him so let’s start the chant: AUSTIN! AUSTIN! AUSTIN!  Cole says he fooled us because the referee is none other than JBL!

JBL talks about how Texas is a failure now with no championships in a long time.  Bradshaw looks slim here.  He talks about how until now no one has ever debuted in the main event, so I guess Lawrence Taylor and Mr. T. no longer exist.  He says that he’ll be an impartial referee and will return to the main event.

CUE GLASS SHATTER just before JBL can sign the contract.  Cole hides behind JBL so it’s a Stunner from him.  Time to drink some beer!  Cole sounds like he’s about to cry on commentary.  Austin looks down at the contract and up at the Mania sign.  With Cole crying that Austin ruined his night, Austin signs the contract and is the referee.  Austin goes out to Cole and shakes his hand before pouring beer on his head.  Cole leaves with one of the funniest looks on his face that you’ll ever see.  JBL gets another Stunner.  Hilarious segment with Cole cracking me up the whole time.

Back and Swagger says he’ll break Austin’s ankle.

Jerry takes over on commentary.

Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus

 

Sheamus charges to start but gets taken down and to the floor by Bryan where Sheamus seems to have hurt his ankle.  That actually gets a countout at 1:11.  Uh, ok?  Sheamus grabs a mic and says he’s on a losing streak but he’ll end that next week by becoming US Champion.  He challenges Bryan and says if he loses he’ll quit.

HBK will speak again later.

R-Truth vs. CM Punk

 

Truth grabs a rollup almost immediately for two.  Punk sends him shoulder first into the post twice and make it three times.  Truth tries to fight back and manages to escape the GTS.  A Rock Bottom and the Anaconda Vice (the real one, not some random hold that is called the Anaconda Vice) ends this at 2:35.  Total squash so no rating.

Shawn talks some more about HHH vs. Taker.  He talks about how HHH can do a lot and can go straight evil at times, taking emotion out of the equation.  Evil isn’t an emotion but rather a way of life I guess so that makes sense.

Vickie Guerrero comes out and we take a break.

Snooki is still coming next week.  I was hoping that was a nightmare but it seems not to be.

Vickie is here and Ziggler is rehired on Raw.  No real shock there.

John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler

 

Vickie is on commentary here and apparently she isn’t dating Dolph anymore.  Dolph dropkicks Morrison to the floor where he holds his knee as we take a break.  Back with Dolph in control but Morrison makes a bit of a comeback, even hitting the Moonlight Drive.  That more or less ends the comeback though as Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the win at about 2:00 shown of 5:30.

Rating: D+. Can’t grade this fairly but it wasn’t much of a match.  Ziggler needed a win on his first match on the show so I can’t really complain much here.  Not much going on here as most of it was commercial.

E-Mail says that Dolph is hired, not Vickie.  She’s a polarizing figure but she can have a job if she beats Trish Stratus next week.  Security comes and takes her away.

 

We get the third clip of Rock’s promo last week.  Cena’s reply is next.

But first, a look at The Chaperone!

After a final piece of Rock’s promo, here’s Cena to deliver the Final Knockout.  Apparently he struck a nerve with Rock last week and Rock calls him various kinds of breakfast cereals.  Cena likes the schtick but apparently Rock doesn’t like rap.  So tonight, Cena will do it in hip hop.  I’ve always wanted to know what the difference is so this should be educational.  He talks about how Rock was reading off a teleprompter last week and how the only thing Rock is beating is himself.   Cena was here last week unlike Rock.  Rock is a disgrace and needs to just show up.  He says he’ll give Rock a pearl necklace, which he produces from his pocket.   Cena has another pocket, this time with Rock’s new shirt in it.  “I Bring It Via Satellite!”  That was good.  Cena says not to call him out again because that’s bringing a knife to a gun fight.

Cena turns around and walks into a belt shot from Miz who leaves him laying.  It’s aboutt ime Miz gets involved like this.  He’s been left out in the cold which makes me think there’s no title change coming at Mania.  Cena staggers up and takes another shot.  Miz says he’s tired of being disrespected and every time Rock and Cena go at it, Miz leaves Cena laying.  Miz: “The Rock, John Cena, Randy Savage and Liz.  Steve Austin and Bret Hart, they’re nothing compared to The Miz.”  Those might not be the right names but it’s the right rhyme.  Miz looks into the camera and tells Rock he’s the star of Mania.  He says he’ll take Rock’s glasses, his catchphrases, his father and his grandfather and shove them in Rock.  Skull Crushing Finale to Cena and a People’s Elbow ends the show.

Overall Rating: B+. This was much better than last week.  There was an energy here and a lot happened on this show.  Knowing that next week we get a Trish match as well as potentially more Austin and Rock and JBL, this worked rather well.  Mania is taking shape and it’s very fun to see the people that come out of the woodwork for the build to this show.  This is a show where the wrestling being light is an exception when they pack so much stuff in as almost everything had a point and wasn’t rehashing already established stuff.  Good show and I’m looking forward to next week, which wasn’t the case 7 days ago.

Smackdown
Date: March 4, 2011
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Booker T, Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

Well it’s another week closer to Wrestlemania and we’re coming off a kind of lackluster show last week.  However, we don’t have Vickie around anymore so I guess our ears will be in better shape now.  Tonight we have the official contract signing for Edge vs. Alberto and the approximately 100^th return on Smackdown of Undertaker.  There’s probably a DVD worth of them and I’m not exaggerating.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the events of last week that led to Vickie being fired.  She’s coming back isn’t she?

Edge and Alberto sign the contract tonight.

Theme song opens us up.

Here’s Edge whose left arm is taped up.  He talks about wanting to be able to look into Alberto’s eyes so Alberto can see what it takes to main event Wrestlemania.  Also he has a bone to pick with Alberto, as last week he was trying to say goodbye to Vickie but Alberto interrupted.  Edge wants to finish singing goodbye to Vickie though.  Drew McIntyre runs out though and is almost instantly sent to the floor.

Cue Teddy who wants to thank Drew.  He also wants to thank the fans around the world (assuming that was a misspeak) because they owe Drew a debt of gratitude because thanks to him, Vickie is gone.  Drew vs. Edge is made for right now.  Well right after the break and a thank you Drew chant led by Edge.

Drew McIntyre vs. Edge

 

Drew works on the arm to start as makes perfect sense.  Nice to see the show opening more or less with wrestling for once.  Edge tries to speed things up but gets caught in the face by a big boot and we go to the floor.  It’s been more or less all Drew in the first three minutes or so which has been about 80% arm work.  Drew says he’s going to end Edge’s career and then gets two in the ring.

There goes the arm tape and we hit the armbar again.  Hot crowd tonight as they chant for Edge.  Edge hits the floor and takes off his elbow pad.  We’re 30 days away from Wrestlemania.  That brings a smile to my face.  I love this time of year and we’re getting a pretty decent build to the show.  Edge plays possum on the floor and gets a backdrop to shift the momentum.

Back in and Edge gets a top rope cross body for two.  Booker completely ignores Josh’s questions about what Booker thinks of Edge’s arm injury.  Out of NOWHERE Edge hits the spear for…two as he picks Drew up.  Instead he throws on the Edgecator (the kneeling half Sharpshooter since he doesn’t use it that often) for the tap out at 5:15.  During the post match stuff Cole says it was a new move to Edge’s arsenal.  Considering it has a name I think that would be incorrect.

Rating: C+. Just a quick opener here but they had some psychology in there from Drew as he went after an injured body part.  I’m not entirely sure I get why Drew ran in to Vickie’s defense as I know he was defending her last week but I didn’t think they were best friends or something.  Fine for a quick opener and it added something to Edge as he apparently has a “new” finisher.

Show vs. Kane later.

Cole brings up his match with Lawler but apparently he’s not talking about that right now.

Here’s Rey….in a suit?  Cole says he’s back.  He was there last week so I guess everyone is back this week.  He also grew about 8 inches.  If you didn’t get that it’s not Rey but rather Cody Rhodes as the music changes and the mirror pops up on the screen.  We see a clip of the Rhodes’ beatdown from last week on the real Rey which really was good stuff.

Cody says don’t look at him.  Maybe the whole coming out in a Rey mask with loud rap music and fireworks before switching over to another song which would confuse the fans and then standing in the middle of a ring in the middle of the arena while talking and with a microphone amplifying your voice is causing them to look at you?  Anyway, Cody talks about wanting to get revenge on Rey, giving him just a fraction of the damage that Rey gave to Cody.  He challenges Rey for Mania and promises and promises to expose Rey’s face on the grandest stage of all.

In the back Corre comes up to talk to Kane.  They say that they helped Kane get the biggest victory of his career.  Tonight they want him to beat Show.  I’m assuming foreshadowing here?

Tag titles on the line next.

Tag Titles: Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel vs. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov

 

Ok, PLEASE let this be the last match between these teams.  Is there a reason why a Raw (complete with name graphic) team is challenging on Smackdown when the tag champions can compete on both shows?  Santino and Gabriel start us off with Gabriel scaring Santino back with kicks and Santino scaring Gabriel back with the threat of the Cobra.  Santino gets the first offense in with a slam.

Booker still doesn’t like Jackson and still thinks he’s a thug.  Off to Kozlov as Booker intentionally ignores Cole.  Cobra puts Gabriel on the floor as we take a break.  Back with the Russian holding Slater in a headlock on the mat.  Slates goes for the knee and down goes Kozlov.  Barrett sneaks in a shot and Booker isn’t happy.  Off to Gabriel and we get a Santino chant.

Cravate by Gabriel as Cole brings up some cheating moments from Booker’s career.  Booker says “My career is….” and he’s cut off by having to stop to call the match.  I didn’t think he had retired or anything officially so that could have been interesting.  Anyway Kozlov takes Slater down and it’s off to Santino.  He gets his usual offense on Slater and hits the salute headbutt for two.  Everything breaks down and Santino loads up the Cobra.  He takes Barrett down with it but Slater hits a reverse DDT to retain at 4:06 shown of 7:36.

Rating: C-. Ok, we get it: Corre can beat Santino and Kozlov.  Now give us something else with these teams.  This would be a good chance to start rebuilding the tag division with some random teams facing Corre but that’s not going to happen.  Nothing special at all here and more of the same stuff we’ve seen a half dozen times with these guys.

Christian is back next week.  No word on if that’s in the ring or not.  At the same time we recap his injury and return at the PPV.  No mention of him at the Slammys which was hilarious.

Alberto and Ricardo are in the back and Alberto says he almost captured his essence.  That’s all there is to this segment.  No idea what the point of that was.

Time to talk about Taker vs. HHH and by that I mean show the HHH promo from Raw in its entirety.  You know, you could get A LOT more wrestling on the two shows not named Raw if you stopped airing five minutes worth of talking from Raw on them.  This would have been a far better promo if they hadn’t fought already at Wrestlemania in a good match.

Here comes Taker to the Johnny Cash song.  I’d really rather hear the organ music for him as it just fits better.  Cash is awesome but at the same time it just doesn’t seem right for someone like Taker.  Taker is actually kind of moving to get down to the ring.  I almost couldn’t finish marinating the turkey I cooked while he was coming down.  At least the song fits the character so that helps.

Taker talks about how surprising he finds it that the greatest of the great don’t know when to leave well enough alone.  There are some things that just can’t be done.  There are mountains that can’t be climbed, seas that can’t be crossed, and Streaks that can’t be broken.  He agrees with a lot of what HHH said as they’re the last of a dying breed and the last of an era.  Taker thinks that HHH is the greatest world champion over the last fifteen years.  That’s covering a lot of ground there Deadman.

HHH claims to have found the way to get rid of the Undertaker: beat him at Wrestlemania.  That’s easier said than done though.  If HHH can do it, he will be the Game and the King of Kings.  But if he loses, he will become nothing more than a number and a name on a list.  You mean like he already is?

Taker plays no game and bows down to no man, especially the king of kings.  At Wrestlemania, HHH will find out that Undertaker is the Last Outlaw.  That’s the new name I guess.  HHH will also find out what it means to Rest in Peace.  This was more like Mark Calloway playing Undertaker rather than Undertaker if that makes sense.

We see a clip from the Sin Cara/Mistico contract signing.  That’s another step for WWE in their international push.  Having lots of guys of different nationalities worked in the 60s and 70s so why not here?

Rosa Mendes/Beth Phoenix vs. Laycool

 

I guess the foot is ok.  During Laycool’s entrance Cole goes on a rant against journalism and the internet for overplaying the problems Laycool has been having.  Beth and Michelle start but it’s off to Rosa and Layla very quickly.  Booker mentions that Laycool is like Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.  Last week I thought Michelle was starting to seem a lot like Hilton so maybe I was onto something.

Off to Beth vs. Layla now with Beth dominating her.  Beth completely destroys her of course and a powerslam gets two.  Michelle gets a big boot to the head of Beth for the pin at 2:20.  There’s a possibility that the boot is loaded.  I guess the Laycool problems are put of hold for a week which might be a good thing at the moment.  No rating as again this was short but the Smackdown Divas are so far ahead of the Raw Divas it’s unreal.

Big Show vs. Kane

 

Remember that Corre talked to Kane earlier tonight so they might get involved here.  They also show the clip from last week with Show running Corre off with a chair.  This is match #847 or so between these two.  Show backs him into the corner but gets drilled in the chin for his niceness.  K-Mart is sponsoring the live tours now.  K-Mart still exists?  There used to be like 4 here in Lexington and now there is one and no one goes there.  Double clothesline makes it seem like it’s time for a break but here comes Corre with a chair.  Barrett slides it to Kane and it’s a DQ at 1:16.

Kane cracks Show with it and Corre comes in for the beatdown.  Then Kane cracks Gabriel with it and runs off Corre with the chair.  Huh?

We hear Shawn’s thoughts on HHH vs. Taker where he still doesn’t really say anything.

 

Here’s Jack Swagger.  Basically this is to push Cole as Swagger’s student.  There’s a Team Cole now.  Better than Team Edward.  Cole says that on Monday we’re going to find out who the referee is.  The referee is awesome and one of the best of all time.  Also, the referee, Swagger, Cole and LeBron James think Cleveland stinks.

Jack Swagger vs. JTG

 

This starts after a break.  Cole goes on a huge rant, explaining how Swagger has been teaching him.  Swagger massacres JTG, hitting two Vader Bombs seconds in and the ankle lock ends this in 1:03.  I think Cole’s entire speech was one long sentence.

Since it’s been a full five minutes since we talked about Raw, here’s a recap of Rock’s promo on Raw.  This one is thankfully cut down.

Edge defaces a painting of Alberto and leaves it in the back.  Ok then.

Time for the contract signing with Teddy moderating things I guess.  I love that smirk on Alberto.  I’ve seen him live and you can tell he’s having a blast.  Why does Alberto keep paying Ricardo if he introduces himself a minute later?  Ricardo starts singing the Mexican national anthem but here’s Edge to save our ears.  Teddy wants to know if we can have a contract signing end peacefully.  Oh Teddy, you poor bad dancing stupid bald man.

The idiotic fans chant USA while the Canadian talks to the Mexican.  Maybe they’re cheering for Teddy?  Edge tells Alberto he doesn’t know what it’s like fighting on the biggest stage in the world.  Alberto says this is his destiny.  Edge says destiny can change and Alberto’s destiny may be to lose at Mania.  Intense stuff here from both guys.  Del Rio signs but it looked like just one word.  Edge signs too and I guess everything is ok.

Edge asks Teddy if he remembers asking if a contract signing can end peacefully.  He says he has an answer and Teddy sprints out of the ring.  Edge hammers away and clears the ring of all the Mexican stuff Del Rio had set up.  He sets for the spear but Ricardo grabs his feet and Del Rio hammers away.  Cross Armbreaker goes on and Edge kind of taps.  It’s let go quickly for no reason and Edge barely sells it on the mat. At least grab your arm dude.

Out to the floor and Edge’s nose is busted.  I’m surprised they didn’t blur it out.  Ricardo hands Del Rio a chair and it gets wrapped around the arm of Edge.  Christian runs out (in wrestling gear) for the save.  He beats Del Rio for a good while before security breaks it up to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. MUCH better than last week.  It’s not a great show but it’s a definite improvement as there was a lot more energy this time around.  Storylines were advanced and there were some new developments.  I still wish they’d cut out the Raw stuff but I guess it’s a Mania thing.  Also some additional wrestling would help.  Still though this was a solid show and entertaining throughout.  Good show this week.

Results

Edge b. Drew McIntyre – Edgecator

Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel b. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov – Reverse DDT to Marella

Laycool b. Beth Phoenix/Rosa Mendes – Layla pinned Phoenix after a big boot from McCool

Big Show b. Kane via DQ when Kane used a chair

Jack Swagger b. JTG – Ankle Lock

It starts Tuesday.  Just like I did with the Rumble, every day I’ll be counting up a Wrestlemania.  These are the redone versions and are different from the ones on WZ.

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 7, 2010
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
Guest Hosts: Cast of A-Team

It’s Viewer’s Choice tonight so we get three hours and both brands. That’s always fun if nothing else and I have begged for this to be a TV special instead of a PPV like Taboo Tuesday or Cyber Sunday for the better part of ever so I’m happy here. Let’s get to it.

We open with Bret and Teddy Long in the ring, talking about tonight’s show. Bret wants to talk about Orton. Of course that means cue Orton with his arm in a sling. He wants Edge tonight and if he doesn’t get him he’ll go find him. So if he doesn’t get him he’ll go get him? Yeah….that makes sense. Edge of course comes out and that’s the Viewer’s Choice main event. Oh in case I forgot, tonight is Viewer’s Choice. The options are a debate, a sit up contest, or an arm behind the back match.

Now it’s time to have our first actual vote which is for Jericho vs. Show. The options are Over the Rope Challenge, Submission Match and Body Slam Challenge. It’s one of those shows I guess.

Striker has the results. He’s actually good in a roll like this.

Over the Rope Challenge: 11%
Submission Match: 41%
Body Slam Challenge: 48%

Big Show vs. Chris Jericho

To be fair, there are at least two options that were possible there so that’s better than nothing. Show pulls Jericho up from the floor to the ring BY THE HAIR. FREAKING OW MAN. Jericho works on the arm for no apparent reason. He then tries a cross body and Show ends it easily. He throws on the Colossal Clutch and Jericho taps. And of course he throws him over the top too. That’s kind of funny I guess.

Rating: D. This wasn’t much of a match at all, but it did the job. Wait no it really didn’t as nothing at all was accomplished here. Jericho is feuding with Truth…kind of, and Show is going for the world title. What was the point here? Yeah this was actually bad.

Up next the Hart Dynasty vs. YOUR PICK. It’s either the Usos, the Dudebusters or Khali and Horny. That….could actually go a few ways.

Usos: 36%
Dudebusters: 10%
Great Khali/Hornswoggle: 54%

NO FREAKING WAY this is legit. NO WAY.

Hart Dynasty vs. Great Khali/Hornswoggle

I’m fairly sure this is non-title. Khali and Kidd start us off as for one of the first times, Natalya looks great to me. Tadpole Splash misses thank goodness. Horny gets pinned in like 8 seconds. Oh this was stupid. The Usos run out and get beaten up for the first time. The Harts needed that one.

Rating: N/A. This was barely a match at all. The good thing to come out of this though is that the Harts now look actually credible against the Usos which is the most important part of this I think. If nothing else they look like they would have a fighting chance in a match against them which I’d bet happens at the PPV. Yeah I know that’s a fairly safe bet but you make a ton of money that way in the long run.

Lawler says something is wrong and leaves. Ok then.

We recap the Taker is dead thing which is at least elevating Kane for once.

The guest hosts come out and there’s just one of them. He says there’s a great show coming. Ok then.

Lawler is in the back and the other two guest hosts in fake mustaches are in character and say that Lawler wanted to hire them. SOMEONE STOLE HIS CROWN! They leave and run into the Bellas who they refuse to break character for. This is actually working for me.

Santino Marella vs. Vladimir Kozlov

The choices are Match, Arm Wrestling or Dance-Off. Hmm I wonder what’s going to win.

Match: 9%
Arm Wrestling: 7%
Dance-Off: 84%

Oh did you expect it to be anything else? Santino says he used to be a Backstreet Boy. Santino’s isn’t that funny or special. Kozlov does something similar to a robot. He’s actually not terrible. Ok this is sort of funny. Ok it’s VERY funny. They dance a bit afterwards and Santino gets slammed. Find a video of Kozlov dancing. It had me dying of laughter.

The Divas are in the back and they’re going to have a match next. The choices are 6 on 6 tag, Battle Royal or Champion vs. Champion. Wow those are actual wrestling matches.

Lawler is back.

6 on 6 Tag: 11%
Battle Royal: 73%
Champion vs. Champion: 16%

Divas Battle Royal

Again, I can live with this. Also it’s only 8:56 so we should step it up a bit soon enough. There isn’t much you can say here. Ah apparently going through the ropes counts too. Rosa is out. Tiffany is put out by Laycool. The same goes for Kelly. Gail hits a SWEET hurricanrana as nothing of note is going on. Gail and Alicia who have a match on Superstars are both out as are the Bellas. Laycool vs. Eve and Maryse are the final four. Make that Maryse, Eve and Jillian who I didn’t notice at all. Eve is out which is surprising. Jillian says they can be co-winners but Maryse throws her out. Boring but the girls looked good so there we are.

Rating: C-. Battle royals are hard to rate but this worked fine for what it was. It was about having hot women in small outfits fighting each other. In that sense it was a success. This is also a good idea as the less talented wrestlers are allowed to not have to actually, you know, wrestle. Maryse winning was a nice surprise also.

Sheamus and Kane have a staredown in the back. I’d like to watch that. He accuses Sheamus with some bad acting. Kane says he hopes to see him real soon.

WHO SHOULD SHEAMUS FACE? Kane, Mark Henry or Evan Bourne. HMM! I wonder who it’ll be!!!

Kane: 88%
Mark Henry: 3%
Evan Bourne: 9%

Sheamus vs. Kane

Yeah this works. I love big men fighting. Sheamus beats him up for awhile. We take a break. Sheamus is still beating him up. Kane starts beating him up for awhile. Chokeslam is blocked twice, Sheamus takes over again. Seriously that’s all that’s happened and it’s taken nearly 8 minutes. Chokeslam hits but Sheamus rolls to the floor and he just takes the count out. Eh that makes sense I guess and Kane looked very strong here.

Rating: C-. Very smart booking here as both guys get to look strong as well as giving us a decent match. Again it’s not particularly good but it did the right thing. Sheamus needs to stay strong going into the PPV and Kane needs to look strong going into the big angle he’s in. If he plays his cards right he could get to job to the world champion out of this which is a step up for him.

Edge vs. Orton in the behind the back thing.

Cena vs. Swagger, Mysterio or Punk later. That actually could be any of them.

We look at Wade Barrett who is indeed the best guy for that show. And here’s Wade Barrett. He’s asked what it’s like to win NXT. He says you wouldn’t ask a genius about passing a grade school exam. GREAT LINE. He says in one week he’s going to do something that’s never been accomplished before.

DiBiase and Virgil are in the back. I never get over saying that. The A-Team guys are here and accuse DiBiase of taking the crown. IRS IS HERE, WEARING THE CROWN! Apparently the crown was taken for not paying back taxes. There’s a gas attack and the heels wear masks while the faces are out cold. Ok then.

Miz and Truth have a tag match next and you get to pick their partners. Here are the options.

R-Truth: Christian, MVP, John Morrison
Miz: Zach Ryder, Dolph Ziggler, William Regal

R-Truth/??? Vs. The Miz/???

A REALLY annoying fan keeps chanting MVP for Truth’s partner.

Christian: 29%
MVP: 17%
John Morrison: 54%

That’s rather telling, and THANK YOU for not being MVP.

Dolph Ziggler: 38%
William Regal: 17%
Zach Ryder: 45%

Well he has the best music I guess. Weird team if nothing else. Morrison is back as he hits all of his big kicks, but in a rather short match, Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale (GREAT one too as Morrison’s head just bounced off the mat) on Morrison to get the pin. He signals that he wants the belt back. Liking the young four guys being out there.

Rating: D+. Not bad here but it was really too short to get anything going. Is there a point to bringing Morrison back to job him out though? I really fail to see the point to that but if nothing else it fuels the Miz/Truth thing which I guess is just starting now. I still don’t get the Morrison losing thing though.

Bret and Edge talk for a bit in the back and Kane accuses Bret of attacking Taker. Interesting little thing: Taker has NEVER beaten Bret clean.

Edge vs. Randy Orton

Remember that Edge will have an arm behind his back. Edge’s left arm is behind his back but Orton’s right arm is in a sling. Ok then. After about a minute Edge pulls the rope off and stomps on Orton’s arm. This gets the DQ. He goes for a spear but Orton gets a kick up to block it. Edge gets a chair and hits Orton in the arm with it.

Rating: N/A. This was an angle rather than a match but it opens a very interesting door as it’s now possible that Orton is out of the PPV match. This was a great idea and it came off rather well.

Cena and Bourne are talking in the back. Savannah comes up and asks Cena how he feels about he main event tonight. He says his life has been hectic and tonight the people make the pick and its their opinions that matter the most. The crowd is rather pro-Cena to say the least.

The A-Team guy wakes up…and MEAN FREAKING GENE IS WITH HIM! Gene makes fun of Josh Matthews who is right behind him.

Drew McIntyre vs. ???

The options are:

Yoshi Tatsu: 4%
Goldust: 8%
Mystery Opponent (does Matt Hardy poses): 88%

And it’s….actually Matt Hardy???? WOW. Drew says the match isn’t happening because of the suspension. Teddy comes out and says that he’s suspended from Smackdown, not Raw. Matt punches the tar out of him and never lets up. I like this angle actually. You can’t beat an old fashioned grudge match. Drew misses a charge and hits the post which POPS. Twist of Fate ends this clean in like 90 seconds. Post match he slams Drew’s head into the mat and keeps beating him down. Matt pulls some of his hair out. This was impressive for Hardy.

Rating: D. Uh…what was that? We build Drew vs. Matt up for weeks and him inside of 3 minutes clean? What was the point of that? Wasn’t Drew supposed to be getting a mammoth push and now he’s jobbing to Hardy in what could have been a decent PPV match? It fits but it’s just rather odd.

BA Baracus (Rampage Jackson) is in the back tied up and Virgil, IRS and DiBiase say they’re taking him to the ring. I like this actually.

Back from break and we’re in the ring. DiBiase says that he has a price, including him. Apparently someone wants BA…and it’s……RODDY PIPER??? What the heck? HUGE Roddy chant. Oh that’s right Piper feuded with Mr. T. WAY back in the day. Piper has a hat on for no apparent reason. He’s ticked off because he doesn’t want more hype over the A-Team again. He says it’s time for a fight and here’s the other A-Team guy along with Mean Gene and Dusty Rhodes on a golf cart.

Jackson breaks the handcuffs and it’s on! Jackson can actually fight of course so this is a massive beatdown. Dusty thinks he’s Murdoch from A-Team and plugs the movie……IF YOU WILL. This worked in the weirdest way you can possibly imagine, but it did in fact work. Oh and Lawler gets the crown back.

Next week’s host is the star of Royal Pains which Big Show is guest starring on soon. See what happens when you have RELEVANT hosts?

Josh is with the three options for Cena’s opponent. Rey says to be the top dog, you have to go after the top dog. Yeah that’s not at all like To be the man you’ve gotta beat the man. Swagger says it should be champion vs. champion. Punk just makes fun of Matthews and asks why Cena should get to fight Punk.

Here’s Cena and it’s only twenty minutes until eleven. That’s a good sign of a long match.

Jack Swagger: 23%
Rey Mysterio: 32%
CM Punk: 45%

John Cena vs. CM Punk

As a Punk fan, this works. Immediately Cena goes for the mask as you would expect. Punk is wearing camo tights. That’s just odd. The fans pop for Cena like a cherry but then chant you can’t wrestle. Odd crowd. Gallows cheats to get us to even and we go to a break. We come back and Cena starts taking over and goes for the 5 Knuckle Shuffle….and here’s Wade Barrett. Then all 7 other rookies show up and beat the tar out of the SES. Then they all get in the ring….and beat up Cena. What is going on here. AND THEY THEY BEAT UP STRIKER! AND LAWLER! Cole, of course, runs.

This is actually really cool. They turn over the announce tables and are all wreaking havoc. Security gets beaten up and they punch the announcer. They’re tearing the mat off the ring. Justin Roberts is getting choked out by Bryan. They’re destroying the arena. The ropes are torn up. Now they’re back to Cena. The ropes are literally falling apart, you can see the wood that is under the ring mat and they’re all clotheslining Cena.

Punk even tries to fight them and he gets beaten down. This is AWESOME by the way. Danielson yells at Cena that he’s better than Cena and spits in his face. Barrett hits his finisher on Cena, Gabriel hits the 450 on him. They’re all heel here in case you didn’t get the idea. They leave with Punk and Gallows out cold on the floor. This was original NWO level of insanity and one of the coolest endings to a Raw I’ve seen in forever. Also with there being 8 of them, that’s one heck of a force to fight off. Cena goes out on a stretcher but does the thumbs up as he leaves.

Rating: A+. The match was decent, but the angle was absolutely incredible. If nothing else it lasted longer than the Slammys match they had where Punk lost in like 2 minutes. I’m still in awe over the NXT thing which is saying a lot as it’s 7am at this point.

Overall Rating: B+. I’ve heard a lot of negative things about this show since it aired, but this was a very successful show to me. Angles were advanced, feuds were partially ended and the ending blew my mind. I’ve been watching Raw since it debuted and this is easily one of the best endings I’ve ever seen. NO ONE would have called this and it came off perfectly. Good show overall and the ending was amazing beyond belief.

 

NXT
Date: March 1, 2011
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Todd Grisham

This is the finale of Season 4 and I can’t say I’m complaining.  The two finalists are the monster Brodus Clay and the guy that makes having a bowl of vanilla ice cream while comparing the speed of paint drying against the speed grass grows sound like the time of your life, Johnny Curtis.  I have a bad feeling they’ll give it to Curtis as I’ve thought that’s what was coming since the season premiere.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the entire season so far.  My goodness O’Brian and Novak were worthless.

In the arena, Striker introduces the pros and then the rookies.  WE WANT BATEMAN chant.  But Vince and company doesn’t and they know what the fans want right?  Curtis says he should win because it’s personal and has been a fight between these two since the beginning.  He’s fought all his life and is going to kick Brodus’ teeth in.  Truth had to tell the crowd to be quiet so Curtis could talk.  They were chanting for Bateman.  Clay says Curtis stood up the entire season and they would be friends otherwise.  Brodus makes it clear that he’s the heel by making anti-Cleveland statements and talks about leaving like LeBron: a winner.  That sets up this.

Brodus Clay vs. Johnny Curtis

 

Clay sends him to the floor to start.  Back in and Curtis tries to stick and move.  He escapes the Tongan Death Grip but is taken down off the middle rope as we take a break.  There’s a new DVD coming out called the True Story of Wrestlemania with a bunch of behind the scenes stuff.  That could be very entertaining from a variety of perspectives.  Back with Clay holding Curtis in a nerve hold.

The idea here is that Clay is just doing basic stuff and letting Curtis make mistakes.  Suplex gets two and we go back to the nerve hold.  Clay goes after Truth but misses a corner splash.  DDT puts Clay down for a bit but the power of fat compels Curtis to get armdragged/wrist dragged off the top and the splash ends it at 5:30.

Rating: C. Well the right guy won at least.  I was hoping they weren’t going to pull the stupid surprise switch at the end by having Curtis get dominated the whole time and getting the fluke win.  This wasn’t bad but we’ve seen these two fight all season and no one cares anymore I don’t think.

Truth defends Curtis post match which means nothing.

Bryan and Bateman are in the back.  Bateman has a tag match later in an NXT reunion or something.  Bryan fulfills his promise by punching him in the face (read as he has his fist up and pushes it out which knocks Bateman down) for being eliminated.  Bryan says win this for chicks, for America and for Cleveland.  Funny stuff as usual, but since he can’t uh…..uh……just be there with Truth I guess, he’s been eliminated.

And yes I make fun of Curtis a lot but they did this last season with Kaitlyn by just deciding she was going to win and they’re doing it again here while Bateman and AJ respectively were clearly more popular but the company decided otherwise.  It’s rather annoying and when you have to see it coming all season it’s even more annoying.

I was killing time because it was a commercial and now we reair the Rock promo from last night.  It was very intense but at the same time he didn’t convince me of a thing.  I still side with Cena in this almost entirely.  I get that Rock vs. Cena is far more important and entertaining than NXT, but when the show is 50 minutes long including commercials and 20% of that is dedicated to something from last night, why should I believe that the show I’m watching is important?  They do it on Smackdown too which makes it even more questionable.

Conor O’Brian/Derrick Bateman vs. Jacob Novak/Bryon Saxton

 

Oh please make it short.  Bateman is the hometown boy so he’s the most popular of course.  It helps that he’s arguably the only talented one in there.  O’Brian and Novak start us off and the fans chant for Bateman.  Off to Saxton and we’re already having a boring match here maybe 90 seconds in.  The non-Bateman team tags in and out a lot while I guess we’re waiting for the hot tag to Bateman.

O’Brian is getting destroyed so there’s some value to this match already.  No mention of Season 5 so far if you were wondering.  Saxton stops the tag for a bit but can’t do it again.  Bateman comes in and cleans house on both heels (I think.  It’s hard to call O’Brian a face) but gets caught in that Downward Spiral Stunner that Ziggler uses by Saxton.  Novak walks out on the match and Bateman hits a bulldog/DDT hybrid to beat Saxton at 4:40.  Unique finisher if nothing else.

Rating: D+. Totally worthless match here as the whole thing was clearly just to have Bateman win it at the end.  Novak continues to perhaps be the most worthless wrestler this decade which is saying a lot.  Boring match but they needed to fill time since there was only one promo with meaning from last night.

We recap the main event of Raw to waste more time.  The camera deal was funny.

We reair the Shawn Michaels analysis or whatever you want to call that from last night to fill in even more time.  You couldn’t do like, Truth vs. Bryan or something to fill in 8 minutes?

Before we end the show, Josh says watch Smackdown to see Taker return.

Here’s a promo for Smackdown, saying Taker returns!  Why do I watch this show again?

There’s going to be a Season 5.  DANG IT!!!!  It’s going to be like nothing we’ve ever seen before but we get no more details than that.

Striker thanks the Pros as we’re finally at the ending.  Johnny Curtis wins.   I give up.  The winner is 3-7 and they made it clear this guy was going to win in the first episode, making the rest of this show COMPLETELY POINTLESS.  What in the world are they even airing this for anymore?  Total failure here as Clay dominated him in the ring and was pushed as a major guy all season, making the matches and competitions totally pointless.  I’m legit mad here and yet I’m totally not surprised at all.  Curtis says nothing of note and Clay hugs him.  Clay says he’ll take things from the fans now who took his dream away.

Overall Rating: F-. The matches sucked, the show wasn’t interesting and other than Orton vs. Nexus, I think they covered everything on Raw last night that mattered.  On top of that, the ending is as completely stupid a moment in WWE as I have ever seen which is saying A LOT.  I love WWE, but this is the first time I’ve ever considered not watching a show.  That says a lot but that’s how awful this was.  Pathetic and I’m legit mad about this.  Freaking nonsensed.

Results

Brodus Clay b. Johnny Curtis – Splash

Derrick Bateman/Conor O’Brian b. Jacob Novak/Byron Saxton – Bulldog DDT to Saxton

Johnny Curtis won Season 5 of NXT

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 28, 2011
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

We have five Raws to go before Wrestlemania and the card is starting to have a lot more shape to it.  With the highest rating the show has had in over a year and a half from last week and a record high rating for Smackdown on Syfy this past week, things are looking good on paper at the moment.  Tonight we’ll likely see more of Cena vs. Rock to build up to some showdown in Atlanta or possibly even next year in Miami.  Let’s get to it.

HHH opens the show and it’s confirmed that he has Taker at Wrestlemania as he’s on his way to the ring.  Josh sounds a bit off tonight, like his voice isn’t working properly.  The graphic shown for their match lists Undertaker as The Last Outlaw.  Sounds like a weak cowboy heel gimmick in the 80s.  HHH chant starts up before he talks.  Josh hasn’t talked in awhile while Lawler has so maybe he’s sick or something.

HHH says the real test is the test of time and there is nothing he hasn’t done in WWE.  He’s defined the Elimination Chamber, he’s defined Hell in a Cell, he’s a 13 time world champion, he started DX and Evolution.  He’s been hated and loved, he’s defeated icons legends and immortals and has been here 16 years.  HHH says he’s outlasted everyone except for one person.

He says Undertaker is now known as the Last Outlaw, but that’s not true.  The two of them are more alike than Undertaker realizes.  There are no more challenges for either of them but Taker has the Streak which is all that keeps him going.  HHH claims to be the only true challenge Undertaker has left.  I guess we’re ignoring HHH being victim #9 in the Streak.  HHH’s only remaining challenge is ending the Streak, which will happen at Wrestlemania 27.  When the Streak dies, Undertaker dies with it and if he can’t end the Streak then he’ll die trying.  Good and emotional promo here from the Game.

As he’s about to leave, here’s Sheamus.  Sheamus steps into the ring and gets a stiff low blow.  No Pedigree but rather Sheamus is thrown to the floor where his beating continues.  He throws Sheamus into the time keeper’s area and launches the chair out of there too.  Pedigree onto the announce table kills Sheamus dead.  That table collapsed very well too as it looked like it exploded.  And before everyone says it, no that wasn’t a burial.

Shawn Michaels is going to give his opinion on the HHH vs. Undertaker match later.

Cole is going to answer King’s challenge tonight.

Rock (via satellite) will answer Cena as well.

Back and Sheamus is just now being helped out of the arena.  There’s an E-Mail which Lawler answers.  He starts saying the May I Have Your Attention Please but stops and says nah.  The E-Mail says that Sheamus was supposed to have a match and will still have that match, against this man who is returning to Raw.

Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne

 

Bourne fires away with kicks and hits (read as he missed by three inches) with a spin kick.  That sets up the Shooting Star Press to end this in 37 seconds.

Rating: B-. The first 12 seconds were pretty good, the next 8 dragged it down but the final seventeen more than made up for it.  Solid TV match.

With Bourne still in the ring, Justin Roberts introduces Michael Cole. He says he’ll tell us what his plans are for Wrestlemania in just a few moments and we take a break.

Undertaker will be on Smackdown.  There will also be a contract signing for Edge vs. Del Rio.

After a quick video of Cole insulting Jerry and his mother last week, Cole calls Lawler into the ring.  Apparently only Lawler can get fired for striking Cole and not the other way around.  Cole stumbles over his words here.  Cole claims to have the most guts in the company and that he never backs down from a fight.  His answer to the challenge is no.  Cole’s face is so smug here that it’s great.

Cole says he’ll accept under two conditions.  First off his trainer has to be in his corner at Wrestlemania and he gets to pick a special guest referee for the match.  Lawler says he doesn’t care if Cole has the Dark Knight, King Kong, Saba Simba and Superman with him, it’s on.  Cole is WAY too happy about this, even dancing a little over it.

He introduces his trainer: Jack Swagger.  Odd choice but it gives Swagger something to do I guess.  Lawler stares up at Swagger and Cole slaps him.  Jerry goes after Cole but gets caught in an ankle lock while Cole laughs at him.  The referee isn’t announced here.

Austin will be here next week.

Cole wipes off Lawler’s headset to take over on commentary.

Cue Orton to a ROAR.  Great pop for him there.  This is a match but Orton has something to say to Punk first he.  Last week CM was right about something.  Two and a half years ago when Orton punted him it was the biggest mistake of Orton’s career.  He should have kicked harder.  Faith can’t protect Punk from punting him again.  Orton talks about putting Punk in a rehabilitation home and the only thing Punk will have left is the faith that failed him.

Cue New Nexus led by Punk who has the microphone.  Could we get to a match anytime soon?  Punk says he’ll take care of Orton and here they come.  An E-Mail stops them, which says that Orton will face Punk at Mania.  Until then Orton gets singles matches against members of the New Nexus.  If they beat Orton, that member can be in Punk’s corner at the PPV but if they lose, that member is barred.  If any member interferes, the team is disbanded.

Randy Orton vs. Michael McGillicutty

 

Orton takes over quickly as you would expect.  The knee drop misses and here comes McGillicutty.  A clothesline by Orton sends him to the floor and we take a break.  Back with McGillicutty hitting a dropkick for two.  He adds the Mr. Perfect neck snap from the middle rope in a cool looking move.  There’s the chinlock from McGillicutty on the master of the chinlock.  Orton fights back and gets the powerslam and backbreaker.  Elevated DDT has McGillicutty reeling.  RKO ends it at 7:15 with about 4 minutes shown.

Rating: D. Not impressed here as it was just a step ahead of a squash.  Did anyone think McGillicutty had a chance here at all?  Either way, it would be nice to have a 1-1 match at Mania rather than having to worry about the interference.  This also gives Orton something to do between now and Mania so that helps a bit.

Post match Orton sets for the punt and Punk comes out to talk him out of it.  This fails of course and McGillicutty’s head is somewhere in the 4th row.  McGiilicutty’s face on the replay is great as his eyes are bugged out and his mouth is wide open.

We get a clip of Sin Cara aka Mistico signing with WWE.  The name Mistico is mentioned as well which is surprising.

Here are Miz and Riley.  Miz says Rock is responding to Cena tonight and not to Miz.  Why isn’t he doing that?  Because Rock knows his time has passed and Miz is now the top star in WWE.  Everyone wants him and wants to talk to him.  He talks about Cena, saying that Miz won the titles last week, not the two of them.  Cena should be worried about Miz, not Rock.  Miz says he’ll beat Cena and then everyone will talk about him as the greatest superstar of all time.

Cue Cena who says he has very important news.  He can’t listen to anything else Miz says because Miz isn’t well.  Cena pulls out a Doctor’s Note (construction paper with Doctor’s Note written on it and a Red Cross) and says Miz is obsessive compulsive.  He’s obsessed with being awesome despite being average.  Cena lists off various things that Miz does, none of which are funny.

Riley says that toilet bowls are called Johns, because just like Cena, they’re full of crap.  Even Cole makes fun of Riley for that one.  Cena asks Miz if he gets it now why no one takes him seriously as champion.  Cena makes something resembling a gay joke by asking if Miz wants to know if he wants his legacy to be shared with another man.  He says Miz should fire Riley tonight to make Mania one on one.

Miz tries to come back at Cena by making fun of the jean shorts so Cena makes more gay jokes.  He says be a man tonight and wants a match with Riley.  If Cena wins, Riley doesn’t work for Miz anymore.  Miz accepts for Riley, on one condition.  Miz won’t interfere, but if Riley wins, Cena has to say Miz is the greatest superstar of all time, because he’s the Miz and he’s awesome.  Cena lists off all the things he’s been put through in the past year and twists his arm around saying ok you’re on.

We get an E-Mail (and the third person answering it in the form of Cole) which says the match tonight will be in a cage.  Good thing they had one above the ring.  You can only win by escape.  Really a weak segment that doesn’t make me want to see them fight any more than I did before.

Divas Battle Royal

 

Back with this randomly starting.  Eve is on commentary and the winner is #1 contender.  About four people are gone in maybe a minute.  You can go through the ropes to be eliminated.  Within maybe a minute we have a Bella, Maryse and Gail.  Gail sends Maryse out with a handful of tights and then the Bellas switch.  One is thrown out and the other switches.  Eve says she’s had enough and whichever Bella that is (Cole doesn’t know either for the most part) but apparently it’s Brie who wins in 2:00.  Basically all the Raw Divas were in this.

We go to Rock at his home in a Cena hat and with a chain around his neck.  He makes fun of the rapping thing from last week and then “takes this crap off.”  He goes on a big rant against Cena, saying he’s electrifying Buffalo like only Rock can.  He looks like he’s in front of a green screen (I know he’s not but it looks like it for some reason).

Rock talks about making his big return and then Cena replies to him with a rap.  Well of course he did because that’s how the guy in the purple shirt and jean shorts would do.  He makes fun of Thuganomics and Hustle, Loyalty and Respect.  This all started when Cena called Rock a liar when Rock said he loved WWE but never came back.

His love for WWE is endless.  He was born here and it’s in his blood.  There are title belts behind him which he proudly displays and that all he wanted to do was prove that he can do things outside of WWE to open the door for the locker room.  But then Cena insulted the Rock.  Cena opened a door of his own and on the other side is The Rock.

At Mania he’ll be hosting but he’ll be addressing Cena sooner than Cena thinks.  His spirit is everywhere and he can electrify Buffalo just like this.  He snaps his fingers and the lights go out in the arena.  Rock says he’s never alone but is with the millions and millions of Rock’s fans.  He implies he’ll be face to face with Cena very soon.  He says the Rock is back to scratch an itch, so enjoy your Fruity Pebbles you Yabba-Dabba Man.  Very intense and full of energy, but it’s a step down from the two previous promos by these two.

Shawn gives his thoughts on HHH vs. Undertaker.  There is no higher mountain than the Streak but there is something about HHH that is intense beyond words.  More or less Shawn doesn’t pick either guy.

Here’s Daniel Bryan for a match but Miz jumps him on the way to the ring.  A running big boot puts Bryan down as this is an assault.  Fan: “Miz you’re a big cheater!”  Bryan is destroyed and takes a Skull Crushing Finale onto the floor.  Even Cole gets on Miz for this.  Miz grabs a mic and says he did that because he can.  Welcome to the Miz Show!  Now lower the cage and start the match!

Alex Riley vs. John Cena

 

You can win by escape only and if Cena wins, Miz has to fire Riley.  Miz tweets that he’s on commentary which is kind of cool.  Cena hammers away in the corner and doesn’t seem to be that worried.  Release fisherman’s suplex puts Riley down.  Miz is being a jerk even to Cole as he’s not happy about being forgotten for Rock and Cena.  That’s a very legitimate criticism actually.  Miz runs away to stop Cena from getting out of the cage and allows Riley to get in a good shot and take over.

Riley’s chest is blood red.  Cena goes into the cage and Miz has Riley bring Cena over to the cage to take a picture of him for Twitter.  That’s hilarious.  Miz slips the phone in through the cage and Cena is clocked with it.  The referee is like dang I need to upgrade.  Cena makes a diving save and Miz runs up to start a tug of war with Riley.  STFU goes on and Riley is in trouble.  Cena tries to get out but Miz grabs a chair and holds him off for Riley to get an electric chair drop and we take a break at 11:02.  Ok then.

Back with Riley hitting a dropkick but Cena is coming back with his ending sequence.  Five Knuckle Shuffle hits as the crowd doesn’t seem to care.  They’ve been pretty weak all night but granted with this card that’s not really something you can blame them for.  FU is blocked and they fight on the top rope.    Riley knocks him down and goes up but takes forever as I guess Cena wasn’t ready in time.

Cena makes the save and they fight on top of the cage.  Riley goes back in and Cena does also for some reason.  Back in the ring there’s the FU and Cena grabs Miz’s phone to take a picture of Riley.  Miz stops him from escaping again but Cena just shoves the  door open with the power of Flintstone Vitamins to win at 12:50.  He winds up taking a Skull Crushing Finale on the floor to end the show.

Rating: C+. Decent  match for the most part and I don’t think the ending was ever really in doubt, but the phone spots were funny as they were trying something new out there for the sake of comedy.  Good stuff here but I’d really like this to become a more serious main event feud than the comedy stuff they’ve been doing so far.  Also, Riley vs. Cena in a cage?  Really?  That’s the main event of Raw?

Overall Rating: D. Well some stuff was added to Mania, but this was a very boring show.  FAR too little wrestling.  Even another five minutes or so would have helped this but there was just nothing of note in the ring here.  I get that they just had a big South American tour and are all spent but this was ridiculous.  Cena not taking Miz seriously is getting old fast and I’m hoping the title doesn’t change at Mania.  Weak show overall, but there were some decent parts.

Results

Evan Bourne b. Sheamus – Shooting Star Press

Randy Orton b. Michael McGillicutty – RKO

Brie Bella won a Divas Battle Royal – Bella last eliminated Gail Kim to win

John Cena b. Alex Riley – Cena escaped the cage

Smackdown
Date: February 25, 2011
Location: ARCO Arena, Sacramento, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

It’s time for the Road to Wrestlemania and thankfully this is the last time I have to say that.  Alberto vs. Edge is the official main event contribution from the blue show.  This could be altered though with the return of Christian on Sunday.  Also we have Teddy Long back now so who knows what’s in store for Vickie.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s events regarding the world title.  Edge came in as champion, the title was stripped and given to Dolph as Edge was fired.  Teddy Long, the real GM returned, rehired Edge and gave him a rematch for the title.  Edge won and Ziggler was fired to end the show.  And people say nothing happens on Smackdown?

Teddy says Vickie gets to fight for her job tonight in the form of Vickie/Drew McIntyre vs. Kelly Kelly/Edge.  If Vickie’s team loses then she’s fired.

Do you know your enemy?  Mine are people that actually believed 2-21-11 was Sting.

Rey Mysterio vs. Kane

 

Kane does the fire corners thing before the match.  Those things are incredible live as they’re incredibly loud and you can actually feel the heat on your face.  Kane gets a quick cover for two.  He lowers his head though and Rey fires off some kicks.  Rey tries to go to the air and is caught in a powerslam position.  A shot into the corner gets two and Kane adds a body scissors.

Cody Rhodes is going to be here tonight but is apparently out of Mania.  Rey fights up but gets caught in a backbreaker for two.  He needs to stop this flying stuff as it doesn’t seem to be working for him here.  Another rana attempt is blocked but Rey puts Kane into the 619 position.  Kane avoids it and hits the floor and Rey goes after him only to run into a big boot as we take a break.

Back with Kane working on the back of Rey as the masked man is in trouble.  Kane drops some elbows for two again.  He seems a bit off here for some reason.  Bearhug goes on while Cole goes off on Josh about being afraid of powerful women or something like that.  Rey escapes but is put right back into the hold and then rammed into the corner.  Kane puts Rey on the top rope but gets caught by a seated senton.  Big swinging kick to a seated Kane gets two.

Rey goes up and is caught by a big uppercut which is dreaded according to Booker but it only gets two.  Top rope clothesline misses so Rey, ever the genius, runs right at Kane as he’s up and not hurt.  Chokeslam is countered into the 619.  Kane catches a seated senton into a powerbomb position but Rey climbs down the back into a sunset flip but can’t hook it so he settles for a rollup for the pin at 7:30 shown of 11:00.

Rating: C. Totally average match here.  I’ve never been a fan of this pairing but this was ok.  Kane’s title reign is long over so he’s back to being a main event jobber now which is fine.  He has a lot more credibility now and can go back to doing what he does best.  This was nothing special but it wasn’t too bad at all.  Right in the middle sounds about right.

Rey stays in the ring to celebrate but is interrupted by….Dusty Rhodes?  Dusty hugs him and we take a break.  Back with the fat man himself saying they’re friends and that he’s disappointed in his son’s actions and what Cody has been saying.  Dusty wants Cody out here now to apologize to Rey.

Here’s Cody in a clear mask that almost looks skin colored from a distance.  He says that he’s been through a lot and Dusty wants him to apologize to Rey?  Because of Rey Cody wasn’t in the Rumble or the Chamber and he won’t be at Wrestlemania.  Dusty looks ancient.  He says that when Cody came to WWE there were some things they talked about, such as Wrestlemania and being a champion.  Was this the wrestling version of the birds and the bees?

Dusty says that somewhere along the line Cody lost focus.  With the Divas saying he’s handsome and being in commercials and being on Syfy and agents from Hollywood calling him, he lost focus.  While Cody was being Dashing, Miz took the WWE Title in Cody’s spot and Edge came in and took the world title off an injury.  Then there’s the situation with Rey where Cody is the one to blame.  Right now though, Cody needs to apologize.

Cody apologizes to Dusty and says to Rey that he’s sorry too.  They shake hands as do Rey and Dusty but it’s a Dusty Finish to the segment as Dusty doesn’t let go of Rey’s hand and Cody jumps him.  The beatdown is on Cody sends Rey into various things on the floor.  He rubs Rey’s face into the steel at the top of the stage and then into the mirror that Cody looks into during his entrance.  Cody pulls the mask off and kicks Rey in the face, leaving him laying.  That added a lot to this.

Back from a break with the Rhodes men hugging and Dusty saying he’d do anything for his son.

Layla vs. Rosa Mendes

 

Michelle is on commentary again.  Rosa starts with a Thesz Press.  Is Michelle supposed to be like Paris Hilton or something?  Cole of course sucks up to her as Rosa is being all feisty and aggressive.  She goes after Michelle when Michelle gets in her face and a shot from the blonde (Michelle if you’re not familiar with the other girls’ hair) ends this in a DQ at 1:27.

Laycool argues post match.

Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston

 

I guess we’re back to this feud.  No entrance for Swagger this week.  We get a quick clip of Alberto jumping Kofi on Raw to injure his arm.  Josh says these two feuded over the IC Title over the past year.  You mean the title Ziggler held for like five and a half months and the Jack Swagger that was world champion for part of the summer and the Kofi that was on Raw until April and then feuded with McIntyre and Ziggler until the fall/winter?  I don’t say this often but Josh….you’re an idiot.

I’m pretty sure this is non-title.  Kofi gets a boot up and hammers away on Swagger with a ton of strikes.  Superman clothesline sets up the Boom Drop for no cover.  Swagger goes off on Kofi again and works on the leg by wrapping it around the post.  Back in the ring and the ankle lock ends this clean at 2:52.  That’s rather surprising indeed.  Too short to get anything going but this was nothing bad at all.

Vickie tries to talk to Teddy, saying this is so unfair.  She goes into his office despite him not answering.

We recap, and by that I mean reair, the Cena promo.  It’s still hilarious, especially the pinwheel thing.  I’m hoping this leads to Cena vs. Rock but I can live with it if it doesn’t.  The crowd ate this up too which is a great sign.

Vickie is still looking for help and asks Chavo who says her asking for help almost makes him forget about all the times she had him get her coffee and be her gopher.  Very true indeed.

Wade Barrett vs. Big Show

 

Corre is barred from ringside.  Show throws his jacket on Cole while Cole and Booker argue over whether or not Booker should be on commentary.  Show dominates to start but runs into a big boot.  Barrett chokes away while on Show’s back and Show is in some trouble.  Show gets to the ropes and Barrett pounds away more as we take a break.

Back with more Barrett domination including a big boot to the jaw from during the break.  Show fights back from one knee with big chops.  Barrett gets a low dropkick to the knee and down goes Show.  DDT gets two.  We hit the floor and it’s all Show after that kickout.  Barrett manages to send him into the post but Show pulls him back out to the floor and beats the count to win at 4:00 shown of 7:30.

Rating: C-. This was your basic giant vs. heel with the work on the legs going nowhere for the most part.  I’m getting tired of these relatively short matches though.  Also I’d like to see Show vs. a member of the Corre that means something in a match that gets a bit of time and has an ending that isn’t a count out or DQ.  Not bad though.

Corre comes out but Show wisely grabs a chair and Corre runs.  Gabriel takes a shot with it though and Show stands tall.

Long recap video of Taker and HHH from Monday.  I liked it despite what a lot of people seem to think of it.  Aww it wasn’t Sting.  Get over it already.

Edge/Kelly Kelly vs. Vickie Guerrero/Drew McIntyre

 

If Vickie’s team loses, she’s fired.  The genders have to match here.  Edge starts but immediately tags in Kelly to make this girl on girl.  Vickie gets beaten down and it’s off to Drew in less than a minute.  He yells at Kelly, saying he was the only one to stand up for her.  Edge hammers away but Drew takes over rather quickly.  Off to an armbar to the champion while the announcers bicker about what Vickie would do if she kept her job.

Edge takes him down and adds a forearm and some clotheslines for two.  The champion charges into the corner but pauses when Drew moves.  Vickie slaps him and Edge walks into a big boot from McIntyre.  Futureshock is countered into the Edgecution and it’s spear time.  Vickie comes in to beg Edge not to do it so Kelly takes her down.  Spear to Drew and Vickie is gone at 5:36.  What is with these short matches tonight???

Rating: C-. Vickie being gone is a nice touch but a five minute main event?  What happened to the days when Smackdown regularly had 15 minute matches?  The problem is that the ratings have been going up lately so they’ll likely stick with the Raw formula of quick matches.  Blast it all.

Teddy comes out to dance and we take a break.  Vickie cries and apologizes, even throwing in some solid begging.  Teddy fires her anyway.  Vickie begs the referee to reverse the decision to no avail.  Booker won’t help her either.  Cole doesn’t know what to do.  The cameraman won’t help.

Finally she begs Edge, holding onto his legs and crying.  Edge says he can help her but instead he’d rather sing.  You know the song I think and Vickie heads up the ramp.  She shouts you just wait and Alberto jumps Edge from behind, going after his arm.  Edge is left laying and I really hope Vickie doesn’t come back as Alberto’s employee.

Overall Rating: D+. This was one of the weakest shows from Smackdown that I’ve seen in a very long time.  None of the matches were very good, the main event is five minutes long followed by a seven minute segment with Vickie trying to get someone to help her.  The stories didn’t really go anywhere but it’s not like there were any in the first place.  Nothing show for the most part with nothing other than Vickie going on.

Results

Rey Mysterio b. Kane – Rollup

Rosa Mendes b. Layla via DQ when Michelle McCool interfered

Jack Swagger b. Kofi Kingston – Ankle Lock

Big Show b. Wade Barrett via countout

Edge/Kelly Kelly b. Drew McIntyre/Vickie Guerrero – Spear to McIntyre