Survivor Series Count-Up – 1990: When Bad Experiments End In Turkey Suits

Survivor Series 1990
Date: November 22, 1990
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Attendance: 16,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Roddy Piper

This is a somewhat different show that in recent years as we have a main event of sorts. It was never tried again and that’s probably the best idea. It’s called the Grand Finale Match of Survival in which the survivors of each team meet in one final Survivor Series match. The winners get absolutely nothing, which continues to prove that these shows are pretty worthless. Let’s get to it.

Sean Mooney welcomes us to the show and talks about the Grand Finale. He’s standing in front of a giant egg which apparently is going to hatch because of the heat from the crowd. Nothing good can possibly come from this.

The nifty squares open things up again.

After Gorilla and Piper chat a bit, we’re ready to go.

The Warriors vs. The Perfect Team

Ultimate Warrior, Texas Tornado, Legion of Doom

Mr. Perfect, Demolition

I guess this team isn’t as Ultimate as last year. This is the three man version of Demolition. Perfect is feuding with Tornado (Kerry Von Erich, the IC Champion) and the LOD is feuding with Demolition after the LOD cost them the titles. Warrior, the world champion, is there because he has nothing else to do. His team is in the back before the match and says they’ll win. Actually the name Warriors is appropriate as you have the Ultimate Warrior, the Modern Day Warrior (Von Erich’s nickname in WCCW) and the Road Warriors (the LOD’s NWA name).

I’ll never get why the LOD and Demolition never had a big proper match. They fought on house shows but that’s about it. Perfect immediately goes to the apron and lets part of Demolition start. It’s Animal vs. Smash first and they fight immediately with Animal taking him to the mat. Animal throws him into Hawk for a right hand and the other Warriors get in a shot as well.

Smash comes back with a powerslam for two and it’s off to Perfect. That doesn’t last long so here’s Smash again, and he walks right into a powerslam. Everything breaks down and the Warriors clear the ring. Tornado comes in to face Smash who is taking a beating in this so far. Off to Ax who has much better luck for about ten seconds. There’s the Claw from Tornado but for some reason Warrior gets the tag and hits a series of awkward looking shoulder blocks before finishing Ax with the splash.

Crush immediately comes in to jump Warrior and take over. Smash comes in to slam Warrior and Crush drops a top rope knee for two. Perfect is freaking out in his trademark over the top style. Warrior gets up a boot in the corner and clotheslines Crush down. Off to Hawk who always looks like he could murder someone in the ring. Perfect tries him out and is immediately slammed down.

Hawk counters a reversal to send Perfect into the corner but Bird Man’s shoulder goes into the post HARD to give the evil ones the advantage. Demolition pounds away on him but Hawk punches right back. A big flying shoulder puts Smash down and Hawk doesn’t tag when he has the chance. The top rope clothesline kills Smash and everything breaks down. Hawk kicks the referee and somehow this disqualifies Hawk, Animal, Smash and Crush. We’re down to Perfect vs. Warrior/Tornado.

It’s going to be Warrior starting the handicap match but Perfect wants Tornado instead. Perfect immediately jumps him and is clotheslined out almost immediately after the jumping. Warrior bangs Perfect’s head into Heenan’s and sends Bobby into the front row. Tornado charges at Perfect and slams into the post to give Perfect the advantage for a bit. A buckle gets exposed somewhere in there and after Tornado’s face goes into it, the Perfectplex makes it one on one.

Perfect tries the Plex again on Warrior which doesn’t work at all. Instead he hammers Warrior down and hits a great looking dropkick for two. Having Perfect run things out there for as long as possible is the best idea they’ve got. Warrior starts grabbing the ropes and shrugging off all the offense from Perfect. A shoulder block and the splash get the final pin.

Rating: D. This was probably the worst Survivor Series match so far in the four years they’ve been running this show. Not only was the match lopsided from the start, but half of the people in it were gone seven minutes in. Perfect never had a chance and Warrior had no reason to be in this match at all.

Ted DiBiase has a mystery partner for his match. Oh boy did he ever.

Million Dollar Team vs. Dream Team

Ted DiBiase, Rhythm and Blues, ???

Dusty Rhodes, Koko B. Ware, Hart Foundation

Rhythm and Blues are Honky Tonk Man and Greg Valentine and the Harts are the tag champions. Dusty and DiBiase are feuding for obvious character reasons. Now we get to the legendary part of the match: the mystery partner. DiBiase gets on the mic and introduces for the first time ever…..THE UNDERTAKER. Who on the planet would have imagined what this guy would become over the next twenty two years? Unreal indeed. The look on Taker’s face is eerie and he stands there like a zombie which makes it even better.

Quick sidebar: the Undertaker is probably the greatest example ever of someone being the only person that could pull off his character. Mark Calaway is PERFECT as the Undertaker with the look and the size and the dead looking eyes and the tattoos and everything like that. Before this he was just Mean Mark Callous in WCW and was a generic big villain. Sometimes it’s about finding what works and Taker has worked for a very long time. Also a bit of trivia: he debuted at a Superstars taping three days before this under the name Kane the Undertaker.

Undertaker and Bret start with Taker pounding the tar out of him. Well if you want to make someone look like a killer, call Bret Hart. Bret hits the ropes and charges at Taker, only to get caught by the throat and slammed down. It was more like a clothesline that Taker went to the mat with than the usual chokeslam here but he did have Bret by the throat.

Off to Neidhart who can’t move Taker at all and gets slammed for trying. Jim looked TERRIFIED and tags out to Koko, who is too stupid to be afraid. Koko misses a charge and clotheslines himself on the top. The Tombstone (I believed named by Gorilla on the spot here) debuts but isn’t exactly the famous version yet, as Taker has both of Koko’s legs on one side of his head and covers with the folded arms but from the sides. It looked and sounded great though.

Bret comes in and hammers on Undertaker who just stares at him. Taker tags in Valentine and gives one of the most evil glares you’ll ever see at Bret. Off to Big Dust who starts gyrating. They chop it out in the corner and it’s off to Anvil. The Harts take their turns working over Valentine’s arm but Greg gets a knee up in the corner. Off to Honky who is rapidly on his way out of the company. Bret makes a blind tag to Neidhart who sneaks in and powerslams Honky out.

DiBiase comes in to jump Neidhart but it’s quickly off to Dusty for the big showdown. It’s back to Neidhart quickly but Virgil trips Jim up and DiBiase clotheslines him down for the pin. Here’s Bret again who pounds away and it’s back to Dream for more of the same. Back to Undertaker who gets some HEIGHT on a jumping stomp to the back of Dusty’s head.

Bret comes in again and chokes Bret in the corner and somehow shows no emotion while at the same time looking angrier than any wrestler I’ve ever seen. Bret fights off DiBiase out of the corner and it’s off to Dusty. Taker comes in, goes up, walks (a little way) down the rope with no one to hold onto, and hits a double ax to eliminate Dusty. Brother Love stomps on Dusty a bit so Dusty chases him off. Undertaker stalks Dusty to the back to get counted out, which is the only thing they could have done with him here.

Back in the ring Bret rolls up Valentine very quickly and it’s DiBiase vs. Hart. Bret pounds on DiBiase and atomic drops him to the floor, followed by a pescado to take Ted out again. DiBiase’s shoulder goes into the post and his head goes into the steps and they head back inside. They slug it out but DiBiase sends him chest first into the buckle to take over.

A quick backslide gets two for Hart and now it’s time for a classic: Bret trips over DiBiase and fakes a knee injury, resulting in a small package for two. Virgil interference messes up and another rollup gets two for Bret. The backbreaker and middle rope elbow get two for Hart but DiBiase rolls through a cross body for the pin.

Rating: C+. This is a very interesting match as you could see stars being made and stars going away. DiBiase clearly didn’t mean as much as he used to and would shift into a tag team run soon after this. Dusty would be gone in January as would Honky. On the other hand you can see the rise of Bret Hart on the horizon as the crowd was LOSING IT over those near falls at the end. Oh and the Undertaker. That’s kind of a big deal.

The Vipers are ready for Martel’s team. Why they’re in the shower I’m not sure.

The Vipers vs. The Visionaries

Jake Roberts, Rockers, Jimmy Snuka

Rick Martel, Warlord, Power and Glory

Power and Glroy are Hercules and Paul Roma. This is built around Martel vs. Roberts, which is based on Martel blinding Jake with cologne and Jake not having full vision yet. This was a BIG feud which they screwed up with a horrible match at Wrestlemania. It wasn’t that the wrestling was bad, but that it was a blindfold match and they spent about 2 minutes in contact with each other.

Marty and Warlord start as Piper is singing I Am The Walrus. Warlord powers Marty around but misses a charge in the corner. For those of you unfamiliar with Warlord, imagine Chris Masters but paler, bald, and even dumber. Both Rockers try to outmaneuver him but it just results in bringing in Martel. Shawn handles him with ease and brings in Jake, causing Martel to scamper away.

It’s Roma instead and Jake picks him apart like he’s not even there. He works on Roma’s arm and brings in Snuka to keep it up, but the afro apparently weighs down Snuka’s brain to the point where he can’t maintain a wristlock. Off to Hercules who gets chopped down so it’s off to Warlord instead. Snuka tries his stuff but when that gets nowhere it’s off to Marty. Jannetty tries his speed stuff but jumps into a great looking powerslam for the pin.

Off to Shawn whose leapfrog is caught but he ranas Warlord down instead. Jake comes in and the fans wants a DDT. A bunch of clotheslines take Warlord down and it’s back to Shawn. Roma comes in with an elbow drop to the back of the head as Gorilla talks anatomy. Warlord comes in and backdrops Shawn before tagging out to Herc. Martel comes in just as fast and drops a knee for two. Roma sends Shawn into the corner and Shawn of course sells it like he’s dead. Martel’s shoulder hits the post and here’s Snuka again.

A flying headbutt to the standing Martel gets two, but Rick grabs a small package for the pin out of nowhere. Jake comes in again and Martel immediately runs and brings in Hercules. Roberts is getting frustrated because he can’t get his hands on Martel, but he still manages a knee lift and a failed DDT attempt. Jake starts pounding away on Herc and Martel clotheslines him down out of nowhere.

Roma comes in for some stomping but he misses a middle rope punch. There’s the hot tag to Shawn who suplexes Roma down and hits a middle rope elbow for two. Shawn does what he can but Hercules comes in off a blind tag and pounds away even more. Power and Glory hook up the Powerplex (superplex from Herc immediately followed by a top rope splash from Roma) eliminates Shawn and it’s 4-1. It’s Hercules in first but Jake is in trouble. Warlord comes in with a bearhug but Jake escapes and DDTs him out of nowhere. Jake says screw it and gets the snake out. He chases Martel to the back for the countout loss.

Rating: D+. There wasn’t much to see here but other than Jake vs. Martel, there was nothing here at all. To the best of my knowledge, Warlord and Snuka never interacted at all before or after this so they were just tacked on. The Rockers and Power and Glory had fought at Summerslam but that’s about it. The Visionaries are the first ever team to survive intact.

The Hulkamaniacs are ready for the Natural Disasters. This is a continuation of Hogan vs. Earthquake, with Hulk N Pals facing Earthquake and Jimmy Hart’s and Bobby Heenan’s cronies. Hogan says they can go get rid of Sadaam Hussein. This is during the Gulf War.

Natural Disasters vs. Hulkamaniacs

Earthquake, Dino Bravo, Haku, Barbarian

Hulk Hogan, Big Bossman, Tugboat, Jim Duggan

There’s some actual drama here as Hogan had never beaten Earthquake before this and the other guys balance out somewhat well. Haku vs. Duggan start us off as the announcers talk about the Grand Finale. It’s such a different time when they automatically know who is going to be on what side. Today you would be waiting on the swerve. Duggan pounds away on Haku and a clothesline gets two.

Bravo and Barbarian come in to get some shots but it’s quickly off to Boss Man vs. Haku. Haku dropkicks him down for two but the Boss Man Slam puts Haku out quick. Barbarian comes in next and Boss Man runs him over. Heenan gets taken off the apron and Boss Man punches Barbarian a bit before walking into a suplex. Barbie misses a middle rope elbow and it’s off to Duggan vs. Bravo. Scratch that as Earthquake makes a blind tag and crushes Duggan in the corner. Duggan keeps trying to knock Quake down but Jimmy low bridges him. Duggan brings the board in with him and hits Quake for the DQ.

It’s Hogan vs. Earthquake but Hulk beats up all three guys because he can. Hogan easily slams Earthquake and fires off ten punches in the corner. Quake comes back with a powerslam and tags in Bravo who stomps away before getting small packaged for the pin. There’s the tag to Boss Man who hits his rapid fire punches in the corner. Boss Man goes up for a cross body and oh my goodness Earthquake caught him. That is SCARY. Hogan shoves Boss Man on top of him for two but Barbarian kicks Boss Man in the back to put him down. An elbow from Earthquake eliminates Boss Man.

Hogan vs. Quake again and Hulk tries to drop the big guy. Hulk tries another slam but can’t get Quake up. The third attempt results in Quake falling on Hogan for two. Hulk avoids an elbow and there’s the tag to Tugboat, causing everyone to shout TOOOOT which sounds like booing. Hogan pulls Earthquake to the floor and Quake and Tugboat get counted out. That leaves Hogan vs. Barbarian and the only thing I can think to say is “really?” Barbarian goes after Hogan on the floor and doesn’t hit a piledriver well at all. It gets two and they clothesline each other. Barbarian hits the top rope clothesline, Hulk Up, legdrop, done.

Rating: C-. This was a lot more fast paced and energetic than you would expect. The continued practice of just teasing the encounter that the match is based on is getting REALLY old though as I guess they want to preserve the house show draws, because who would want to see a feud continue after a single match right? My goodness have things changed in the last twenty years.

Hogan beats up Heenan post match and poses. Piper cheering for Hogan is just wrong.

Some fans talk and get on my nerves. Well one fan signs who he likes which is cool.

Here’s Savage with something to say. He’s still the King at this point which has been going on for awhile. Savage doesn’t have a match tonight and he doesn’t like not being recognized as the future WWF Champion. He promises to take his title back from Warrior and talks about Sherri slapping The Ultimate Chicken a few times. There’s nothing of note here but it reinforced that they have issues. That’s something you never hear today: promos to just remind you that people don’t like each other.

Alliance vs. Mercenaries

Nikolai Volkoff, Bushwhackers, Tito Santana

Sgt. Slaughter, Boris Zhukov, Orient Express

This is during the Iraqi Sympathizer period for Slaughter and the idea here is military themed. Before the match, Slaughter tells Gene about having a Thanksgiving dinner with the Mercenaries and not having to be inconvenienced by being in the desert. That’s better than being in the Army and eating K-Rations right? This was a pretty edgy angle at the time. Stupid but edgy. This interview is in the arena with the Mercenaries’ music playing. That must be a pretty dull period for the crowd.

The Bushwhackers torment Boris to start and the flying forearm from Tito eliminates him in about 20 seconds. Sato comes in and is accidentally superkicked by Tanaka. The Battering Ram puts out Sato and it’s 4-2 inside of two minutes. Tanaka comes in and the forearm from Tito makes it 4-1 in less than 2:15. Volkoff pounds on Slaughter with his usual stuff but gets punched in the face for his efforts as Slaughter takes over.

After a long beating, Slaughter eliminates Volkoff with an elbow. There were about three minutes of beating in between there but there was absolutely nothing of note to talk about. The Bushwhackers double team Sarge for a bit but Slaughter beats them down and gutbusts Luke for an elimination. A clothesline takes out Butch about 30 seconds later and it’s one on one.

Tito immediately dropkicks Slaughter into the post and things speed up with by far the two most talented guys in the match in there. Tito hits a top rope forearm for two and stomps away even faster. Piper is trying not to curse and Slaughter slams Santana’s head into the mat. A neckbreaker and backbreaker combine for two on Santana.

After some more beating, Tito gets a quick forearm attempt but hits the referee by mistake. The forearm hits the second time but General Adnan (Slaughter’s manager/boss) hits Santana with the flag and Slaughter puts on the Camel Clutch. The referee saw the flag though and it’s a DQ win for Tito.

Rating: D-. Well that…..happened I guess. They went through seven eliminations inside of eleven minutes and the match was awful. Basically this could have been Slaughter vs. either Volkoff or Santana and gotten the same payoff. I have no idea what they were going for here, but my guess is that they had nothing else to fill in fifteen minutes with (the show only runs two hours and twenty minutes and we’ve got the ultimate dumb filler to go).

DiBiase and the Visionaries say Warrior and Hogan (no mention of Santana) can’t work together. Sean says it’s going to be these five against Warrior and Santana.

It’s time for the Egg Hatching. Gene talks about the fans being hot tonight and the egg starts to hatch. There’s no way around this: it’s the Gobbledygooker, a humanoid turkey who square dances to Turkey in the Straw with Gene Okerlund, does a bunch of flips and is played by the WAY too talented for this Hector Guerrero.

The fans IMMEDIATELY start booing when it hatches, as there is absolutely no point to it. This was rumored to be anything from Undertaker to Flair (about a year early for him) to some Playboy chick. When you’re in a bad mood about being unemployed, remember that someone came up with this idea and was paid to do so. Total time spent on this: over seven minutes.

Hogan, Warrior and Santana are ready.

Hulk Hogan/Tito Santana/Ultimate Warrior vs. Ted DiBiase/Visionaries

If you can’t see the ending of this coming, just go click on something else now. Oddly enough, Hogan comes out before Tito. Tito and Warlord start and a forearm ends Warlord in less than 30 seconds. To update a reference for 2012, Tito is apparently the Ronda Rousey of the WWF. Roma immediately powerslams Tito and brings in DiBiase. My goodness a 20 minute Santana vs. DiBiase match would freaking rock. Tito misses another forearm and a hot shot gets the pin for DiBiase.

Hogan comes in and beats the tar out of DiBiase for a bit before ducking his head too early. A kick to Hogan’s face slows him down and it’s off to Hercules and almost immediately Roma for a top rope forearm for two. Back to Hercules who pounds away on Hulk even more, as does DiBiase. The Powerplex hits Hogan and has basically no effect. Roma is immediately pinned by a clothesline and it’s 3-2.

Martel comes in to beat on Hogan but gets kicked in the face. Off to Warrior who fires off a bunch of kicks in the corner and backdrops Martel. Rick tries to hit him in the head and boy are you really that dumb? Hogan knocks Martel to the floor and Rick walks off for the countout. Hogan beats on DiBiase a bit and there’s the legdrop. Warrior beats Hercules with the splash about 40 seconds later to win.

Rating: D. What in the world was the point of this? I mean……am I watching a house show? These are the kind of matches you hear about at the end of shows to send the fans home happy, not to main event a PPV. It was clear that this show wasn’t needed and that something had to be done.

Posing ends the show.

Overall Rating: F. This show has some moments of ok, but can you imagine PAYING for this show? Undertaker debuts here but no one had any idea what that would mean. Nothing is changed at all, mainly because the company was afraid no one would want to see the house show matches after this. This show runs two hours and eighteen minutes and eight minutes of that are the Gobbledygooker. On top of that the main event runs about ten minutes in total counting entrances. You’re looking at about two hours for the non main event stuff and that’s ridiculous for a PPV. This is another show that doesn’t need to exist.

Ratings Comparison

Warriors vs. Perfect Team

Original: C-

Redo: D

Dream Team vs. Million Dollar Team

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Vipers vs. Visionaries

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Hulkamaniacs vs. Natural Disasters

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Alliance vs. Mercenaries

Original: F

Redo: D-

Grand Finale Match of Survival

Original: D-

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: F

Redo: F

It sucked four years ago and it still sucks now.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/09/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1990-title-removed-due-to-anger-issues/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NPPH0WI

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:


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Survivor Series Count-Up – 1989: Bow Down To The Team

Survivor Series 1989
Date: November 23, 1989
Location: Rosemont Horizon, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 15,294
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura

We’re at a major changing point with this show, as we now have four man teams and five full matches, instead of the previous years with four matches. The matches are shorter now, but there are some kind of head scratching booking choices here. We do however get the greatest Survivor Series team ever on this show though, so we have that to look forward to. Let’s get to it.

Also stay tuned after the end for a special BONUS MATCH REVIEW!

We open with a video shot from a car going up to the arena, going through the doors, at the souvenir stands (12.99 for a shirt. Today that might get you a sleeve) and now it’s time for opening show promos.

Hogan is thankful for time with his family and to be the strongest force in the universe. And for his team.

DiBiase is glad he’s rich.

Jake likes his snake and the DDT.

Demolition is glad they don’t have to fight each other.

Savage is glad he’s the Macho King.

Duggan is proud to be an American.

Bravo is glad Earthquake is on his side.

Dusty is thankful for his polka dots.

Beefcake for cutting hair.

Martel for his looks.

Rude for his body.

Piper because he’s not Ricky Rude. Burn.

Genius for being the smartest man in the world.

Perfect for being his name.

The Bushwackers for sardine stuffing.

Heenan for being surrounded by the Heenan Family.

Warrior should be thankful that Ritalin is soon to be available.

We run down the cards with those nifty squares.

Dream Team vs. Enforcers

Dusty Rhodes, Brutus Beefcake, Tito Santana, Red Rooster

Big Bossman, Bad News Brown, Rick Martel, Honky Tonk Man

This is mainly over Dusty vs. Bossman which is Dusty’s first big feud in the company. Dusty stole the nightstick and the hat which has ticked Bossman off. The rest of the guys are there because it’s Survivor Series and we need six more guys. Brutus’ music was awesome, just like the names for the teams. Tito and Honky start things off and for the third straight year Honky and Brutus are in the opening match on this show. I’m not sure what that means.

Tito takes over quickly but Honky gets in one kick before RUNNING over to make a tag to Martel. Rick dropkicks Tito down as Jesse talks about the now broken up Strike Force. Tito atomic drops Martel for two and everyone but Bad News gets in the ring at once. Nothing happens but it’s cool to see. Brown not getting in is perfect for his character too. Off to the Boss Man who is immediately armdragged down by Tito.

Off to Dusty who pounds away as the fans go nuts. Chicago was a big NWA town so it’s easy to see why he’s popular. Brutus comes in to another pop but Boss Man takes him down with a few shots to the back. Honky comes in but misses a fist drop. Beefcake hammers away but Martel makes a blind tag and takes over on Brutus. Rooster comes in and the place goes quiet. When you can’t get a reaction in Chicago, things aren’t that good for you.

Martel hits some knees to the face and it’s off to Honky who dances a lot. Boss Man comes in and they slug it out with the big man taking over with ease. Martel comes back in and drops some knees but gets rolled up for two. Back to Honky as Rooster is in trouble. I’m digging these four man versions already as the match seems less crowded and the guys can stay in the ring a little longer. Rooster and Honky collide and it’s a double tag to give us another battle of Strike Force.

Tito goes loco on Martel and beats him down, but Martel breaks the figure four. Santana tries an O’Connor Roll but Martel rolls through and grabs the trunks for the first elimination. Dusty comes in next and hits a dropkick (and a decent one) followed by the big elbow…for two? We must be in the WWF. Brutus comes in to work on the arm and stomp on Martel’s face when he tries a reverse monkey flip.

Rooster comes in and can’t seem to figure out what to do with a headlock. Martel is like screw you you nitwit and backbreaks him down. Off to Boss Man who slaps on a bearhug. Gorilla keeps calling Brutus the team captain but the team is called the Dream Team and Dusty came out last. Rooster bites out of the hold and Boss Man tags Bad News who isn’t interested in coming in.

After Bad News gets pulled in he takes over because he’s fighting a freaking rooster. Just like last year though, Bad News accidentally gets hit by his partner and he walks out. It’s three on three now and we have Boss Man vs. Brutus. After the Barber gets beaten on some more it’s off to Honky for a belly to back suplex. Out of nowhere Brutus hits a high knee to Honky for the fast pin, making it 3-2 (Brutus, Dusty and Rooster vs. Boss Man and Martel).

Martel immediately comes in and puts a chinlock on Brutus which doesn’t last long. The second version of it does though as the match slows down a lot. A backbreaker puts Brutus down and he goes into the buckle a few times. Brutus grabs a sunset flip again out of nowhere to eliminate Martel and it’s 3-1. Brutus tags in Rooster to throw a bone to Boss Man and after some punches from Rooster, the Boss Man Slam gets the fast pin and it’s 2-1.

Dusty is in next but it’s quickly off to Brutus for some knees to the chest. Back to Dusty as the good guys are using some intelligence (yes, Dusty and Brutus are using intelligence) with the fast tags. Boss Man gets whipped into the ropes and Dusty takes him down with a cross body, likely rupturing at least three vital organs of Boss Man and getting the final pin. I may have been right about those organs.

Rating: C+. Nothing special here but it was fine for an opener. The fans liked most of the good guys and other than Rooster, that was a solid set of guys. The match wasn’t competitive or anything for the most part after the first five minutes but there was nothing particularly bad about it I guess.

Boss Man destroys Dusty with the nightstick and cuffs him to the ropes to keep up the beating. Brutus makes the save with the clippers.

Boss Man brags about what he just did.

The King’s Court, Savage’s team, is read.

The 4x4s say the same thing but much louder.

4x4s vs. King’s Court

Jim Duggan, Ronnie Garvin, Bret Hart, Hercules

Randy Savage, Earthquake, Dino Bravo, Greg Valentine

The 4x4s all jog to the ring with boards in their hands. This would be the second or third time that Bret was teased as a singles guy but it wouldn’t click for another year and a half. The only major feud here is Savage vs. Duggan over the crown but that’s about it. The board carriers clear the ring and stand in the ring for awhile. It looks like we start with Garvin vs. Savage but Duggan chases Savage to the floor before it’s Hercules who actually starts for the 4x4s.

Herc pounds away and slams Savage down, but right into the King’s corner and it’s off to Valentine. Greg gets atomic dropped and it’s off to Bret. Bret works on the arm for a bit and it’s off to Duggan for some right hands. Garvin comes in and I forgot about this feud. That’s likely due to me trying to block anything Garvin related from my mind. Garvin gets taken into the heel corner and it’s off to Bravo for some power.

Hercules comes back in to make it power vs. power with the dark haired guy (Hercules for you young’uns) taking over. And never mind as Earthquake comes in, kills Hercules with a shot to the head and hits the Earthquake for the elimination. Duggan comes in and collides with Quake (he’s still Canadian Earthquake here but that didn’t last long at all) but can’t do anything to him. Bret, being the smart guy that he is, sneaks up on Earthquake and school boys him so Duggan can take him down.

Off to Garvin who pounds away but Earthquake is like boy I’m gonna make you my pizza toppings. Bravo comes in to pound away on Garvin as does Valentine. The Figure Four is countered and Garvin rolls Hammer (Valentine) up for two. Savage drops a knee and it’s back to Bravo to work Garvin over a bit more. A backslide gets two for Ronnie and it’s back to Savage very quickly.

It’s back to Valentine even faster and they chop it out but Garvin makes a blind tag to Duggan who hits the three point clothesline to eliminate Valentine and tie things up. Bravo comes in again and is quickly followed by Savage and then Earthquake. Quake misses a big elbow and there’s the tag to Garvin. He beats on whomever he can and headbutts Bravo down. Here’s the still stupid Garvin Stomp (Orton does it now) and he tries the Sharpshooter (Garvin used it before Bret) but Dino breaks it up.

NOW we get somewhere with a double tag to Savage vs. Hart. These two had an awesome match on SNME a year or so before this and Bret takes over with an atomic drop. Bret loads up something on the legs but Savage dives away and tags in Bravo again. The middle rope elbow gets two for Bret and it’s back to Garvin who immediately walks into a side suplex to make it 3-2.

It’s Duggan vs. Earthquake again with Jim pounding away in the corner. Bret gets the tag and a double clothesline puts the big man down. Savage comes in and Bret is all like BRING IT ON. Well maybe not that loud but you get the idea. Savage gets tied up in the ropes and Duggan chokes away like the hero he is. Randy gets Bret down and misses a knee drop, allowing Hart to hit a backbreaker for two.

A small package gets two for Bret and Savage charges into a boot. Bret misses a middle rope elbow and it’s off to Bravo again. Dino puts on a bearhug because this match hasn’t dragged enough already. Off to Earthquake for some high powered choking followed by an elbow drop for two. The crowd popped a bit for the kickout which is more than can be said for most of this match.

Bret finally breaks free and tags Hacksaw in again so he can slam Savage. And never mind as Bret tags back in about 15 seconds later. Bravo works over the mostly beaten Bret and Hart misses a charge, going shoulder first into the post. A shoulder breaker sets up the Savage Elbow to make it 3-1.

It’s off to Quake to beat on Duggan in the corner but he misses a charge and everyone comes in. Duggan throws everyone into the corner into Earthquake and the Court all bails to the floor. Savage and Bravo get clotheslined down but Quake jumps Duggan to take him down. A big elbow gets two on Duggan and it’s back to Bravo. Duggan avoids a charging Savage but Sherri lowbridges him and it eventually draws a countout.

Rating: D+. For the life of me I don’t get why Duggan didn’t get pinned here. The ending is rather lame and it doesn’t help a match that ran WAY too long anyway. You could easily cut ten minutes out of this and no one would have missed anything at all. The match was dull outside of the moments when Bret was in there, which is something we’ll touch on more later.

Duggan chases them off with the board.

The Million Dollar Team is ready for a Thanksgiving feast in the form of the Hulkamaniacs.

Dusty Rhodes is hurt badly.

The Genius reads a poem about Thanksgiving.

Hulkamaniacs vs. Million Dollar Team

Hulk Hogan, Demolition, Jake Roberts

Ted DiBiase, Zeus, Powers of Pain

My goodness that’s an amazing face team. Ok, so now I get to explain Zeus. A month or two ago, WWE released No Holds Barred, a movie Hogan made in the late 80s, on DVD. The villain in the movie is named Zeus and you may notice he’s here. Zeus is played by an actor (not a wrestler mind you) named Tom Lister and the idea is that he’s living his character and is coming to beat Hogan up “in real life” because he lost in the movie. This would be like the guy who played Goldfinger trying to get revenge on Sean Connery. To make things even better, this was originally going to be the main event of Wrestlemania 6.

I’m sure you can see the problems mounting up already, with the main one being that Zeus doesn’t know how to wrestle. Other than that, there’s the idea that the movie barely broke even so a lot of people didn’t get the idea of the story. A positive twist to this is that a lot of people didn’t get the idea of the story, which probably kept the company from being laughed at more than they already were. Zeus wrestled like four matches ever, most of which were short or tag matches so he wasn’t in the ring long. WCW, the geniuses that they are, brought him back seven years later and put him in the main event of another PPV.

Anyway back to the match. The Million Dollar Team won’t let them get inside until Jake fires in the snake to chase them all away. Hogan and Demolition are the champions that you would expect them to be at this point. Zeus wants to fight Hogan one on one but their respective partners hold them both back. Jake starts with Zeus but the actor wants Hogan. They stare each other down and Hogan bounces off Zeus. Hogan pounds away but nothing hurts Zeus at all.

Instead Hulk finds the one weak spot on Zeus by raking the eyes. He slams Zeus down and amazingly enough, IT DOESN’T REALLY DO MUCH. Barbarian hits Hogan in the back of the head and Zeus twists Hogan’s neck around. He starts choking away and it’s a DQ for Zeus who is only pulled off by DiBiase and the promise of money. Just to clarify, we’re giving the Hulkamaniacs, an 80s dream team, a man advantage. Also why would DiBiase get Zeus off Hogan? Wouldn’t Hogan’s pain and agony make DiBiase happy?

It’s DiBiase vs. Hogan now and Hulk is in big trouble. DiBiase hammers away in the corner but Hulk gets a boot up in the corner and there’s the tag to Jake. A clothesline puts DiBiase on the floor and it’s off to Ax who demolishes DiBiase with ease. Smash comes in and they both pound Ted down. Back to Hogan who triple teams DiBiase along with Demolition. Back to Ax with a clothesline but DiBiase elbows him down out of desperation.

Off to Warlord as these two teams are still feuding even a year later. Come to think of it there wasn’t much else in between for those guys either. Dang did the division fall that fast in just a year? A shoulder breaker puts Ax down but Barbarian misses a middle rope elbow. Off to Warlord again but he gets clotheslined down. Fuji trips Ax up and a basic elbow drop is enough to tie the score.

It’s Smash vs. Warlord now but it’s quickly off to Hogan. Hulk softens him up to bring in Jake, which Jesse calls a mismatch. That’s likely based on power but I’m pretty sure Jake is taller than Warlord. Off to Smash but Warlord pokes him in the eye to take over. Back to Barbarian whose big boot is caught but Smash misses the elbow. DiBiase comes back in with those falling punches of his which get two.

It’s chinlock time with a knee in Smash’s back. DiBiase misses a middle rope back elbow of all things but Smash won’t tag for some reason. Barbarian makes a blind tag so the hot shot Smash hits on DiBiase doesn’t count and Barbarian takes his head off with a top rope clothesline for the pin. Jake comes in next but he can’t DDT Barbarian. Barbie whips Jake into the corner with authority although I’m not sure who’s authority it was.

Back to Warlord as things slow down a lot due to exhaustion. Jake dives for a tag but DiBiase slaps Hogan to draw him in instead. DiBiase piledrives Jake but Roberts gets a foot on the ropes to Jesse’s annoyance. Barbarian misses a headbutt and there’s the hot tag to Barbarian. He cleans house and gets two on Barbarian off a big boot. A suplex gets the same and my goodness how rare is it to see Hogan get a two count? Hogan fights off both Powers of Pain but they catch him in a spike piledriver which is good for a DQ for both of them, making it Hogan/Roberts vs. DiBiase.

Dibiase drops knees on Hogan before slapping on the Million Dollar Dream. That eventually gets two arm drops and Jake makes the save. That’s actually a nice touch as it makes the hold look stronger by needing a save instead of Hogan saving himself. Hogan finally breaks the hold and punches a jumping DiBiase. Hot tag brings in the Snake who cleans house. Jake drives in knees on DiBiase’s head as Hogan is dying in the corner.

Here’s Virgil to interfere and take the DDT. DiBiase drops a fist on Jake and puts his feet on the ropes to steal the pin. Ted pounds on Hogan who is still reeling from the long Million Dollar Dream. I’ll give him credit as that’s some great selling of a hold like that. Off to a chinlock and Hogan taps, which wouldn’t mean a thing for years. Hogan breaks the hold but they clothesline each other. DiBiase belly to back suplexes him and it’s Hulk Up time. You know the rest and there’s the legdrop.

Rating: C. There’s one major problem with this match: the first four minutes of this match give away the ending almost immediately. How can you give Hogan, Roberts and Demolitio a man advantage that fast? I’m not saying Hogan should have lost, but the Zeus stuff could have come later in the match and worked much better. Have Zeus stand on the apron most of the match and it would have worked fine. The fans finally reacted though.

Savage and Zeus are ready for their tag team cage match on PPV two days after Christmas. More on that later.

Hogan and Brutus do the same. They’re facing Savage and Zeus in case that wasn’t clear. Sherri shows up and throws powder in their faces so that Savage and Zeus can jump them.

Jesse and Gorilla talk about the tag match and Jesse mentions that there’s trouble in the Heenan Family, which is code for Arn Anderson about to go back to the NWA and Tully got busted for cocaine.

The Rude Brood is ready for Roddy’s Rowdies. These promos are pretty much the same all around.

This one however isn’t. Roddy is talking to Gene when the Bushwhackers and Snuka come up and are all holding turkey legs. Roddy says after the match they can have lunch. Then they all scream about breaking big bones.

Rude Brood vs. Roddy’s Rowdies

Rick Rude, Fabulous Rougeau Brothers, Mr. Perfect

Roddy Piper, Bushwhackers, Jimmy Snuka

If nothing else we get to hear All American Boys, perhaps the best theme song in wrestling history. There’s no Heenan with Rude, which is part of the issues the Family is having. Luke and Perfect get things going but after a single slam it’s off to Butch who bites on Perfect’s thigh. Luke comes in and does the same and Snuka matches suit. Butch bites as well and it’s off to Snuka.

Jacques comes in as well and they stall a lot. Jacques poses a lot so Snuka headbutts him down and follows up with a big chop. A slam puts Jacques down and it’s a Superfly Splash for a quick elimination. Rude comes in next and swivels his hips, only to get headbutted into a tag from Perfect. Rude accidentally low bridges Perfect so Snuka rams them together and the Brood is in trouble.

Off to Piper vs. Perfect and the Brood’s luck continues to go bad. Luke comes in and drops a knee before it’s off to Snuka for more shots to the head. Back to Luke for more biting and Butch beats on him a bit more. Piper comes in to face Raymond and for some reason Rougeau tries to slug it out with Piper. A superkick puts Piper down for two but he piledrives Raymond for the easy pin and it’s 4-2.

Perfect comes in with his neck snap for two and for the first time, Piper’s team is in trouble. Piper comes back with a slingshot to send Perfect into the post. Butch comes in for some basic stuff but it’s quickly back to Luke. Piper comes back in for some rapid fire punches and Perfect is in trouble. Back to Butch for more biting but he poses too long and Perfect rolls him up for the elimination.

Piper tries to steal a pin on a rollup to Perfect but it only gets two. Off to Snuka before Luke headbutts Perfect in the stomach. Rude makes a blind tag but jumps into a punch to the gut. Luke ducks his head and the Rude Awakening ties us up at two each. It’s Piper/Snuka vs. Rude/Perfect which is a heck of a midcard tag match.

Rude vs. Snuka starts the final four off and Rude swivels a bit more. Perfect comes in and taunts Piper, drawing him in so Snuka can get double teamed. Snuka finally gets in a shot to break Perfect’s momentum but Rude gets the tag before Piper can come in. Snuka grabs a quick small package for two before taking Perfect down with a flying headbutt. They hit head to head and both guys go down, followed by a double tag.

We finally get Piper vs. Rude which is what this whole match is based on. Piper easily wins a slugout and backdrops Rude down. They fight to the floor and it’s a double countout, getting us down to Snuka vs. Perfect. Perfect hits a great looking dropkick to put Snuka on the floor which eventually gets two. Snuka gets in a chop in the corner and a cross body for two. The Perfectplex out of nowhere gives Perfect the win.

Rating: C-. They did the right thing by having the tag teams get knocked out quick because they didn’t mean anything in this at all. Other than that though there was nothing of note here. Piper and Rude were both counted out to make sure they stayed strong and Snuka didn’t mean anything at this point. Nothing to see here but it wasn’t bad or anything.

The Rude Brood celebrates and Rude says don’t worry about Heenan being gone.

The Ultimate Warriors are very fired (and likely coked) up. Warrior’s topic of the night: orga donor cards.

Ultimate Warriors vs. Heenan Family

Ultimate Warrior, Jim Neidhart, Rockers

Andre the Giant, Arn Anderson, Haku, Bobby Heenan

Andre can barely move and it’s sad to see. Neidhart and the Rockers start before anything happens and Jim is in trouble early. Here’s Warrior without any music (he’s IC Champion here) and a big clothesline puts Andre on the floor, which draws a countout because when the bell rang, Andre was the only Heenan Family member in the ring. We’ve already got the same problem the Hogan match had.

Warrior and Haku get things started for all intents and purposes but it’s quickly off to Anvil vs. Arn. Andre (in blue instead of black) yells incoherently at the Warrior as he leaves. It’s Haku vs. Anvil now with Haku in control. A superkick puts Neidhart down and eliminates him like it’s a squash match. Off to Shawn to make Haku miss him and now it’s off to Jannetty.

Haku tries a double clothesline but only hits Shawn. He picks up Marty but Shawn dropkicks Marty down onto Haku for a near fall. Off to Arn who tries a double suplex with Haku on Jannetty, but Shawn catches his partner in a nice move. Double superkicks put the wrestlers on the other team down and it’s off to Marty vs. Haku. Warrior gets a tag in a few seconds later and Haku immediately goes for the eyes.

Haku backs Warrior into the corner and Heenan points to Arn for the tag in a funny bit. Arn immediately gets taken down and Marty hooks an armbar. Anderson brings Marty to the corner and brings in Heenan for a single punch before it’s back to Haku. Arn knees Marty in the back and Haku superkicks him down so Heenan can drop a knee on Jannetty for the pin. You could loudly hear them calling spots on that sequence for some reason.

Warrior comes in so here’s Anderson again. There’s a bearhug by the Champ and Haku gets one as well. Off to Shawn who gets knocked to the floor with a few shots. Shawn moonsaults out of the corner over Arn and Anderson is in trouble. Warrior and Michaels both punch Anderson at the same time and Arn backs away from Warrior. A splash from Shawn gets two and it’s off to Haku.

That doesn’t last long at all as a cross body eliminates Haku to get us down to Warrior/Shawn vs. Heenan/Anderson. Heenan tries to get in some cheap shots on Shawn which draws in Warrior. Why? Was he that afraid for Shawn’s safety? Arn dumps Shawn to the floor and Heenan goes up….and then regains his sanity and climbs back down. Arn keeps asking for help from Heenan because he’s getting tired so it’s finally back to Bobby who runs at the first sign of trouble.

Shawn rams his head into the back of Arn’s head and both guys are down. They slug it out but Shawn walks into the spinebuster (called the Anderson Drop) for the elimination. Warrior fires off some shoulders but Arn ducks and sends him to the floor. Heenan goes up again but thinks better of it again. Off to Heenan but Warrior quickly Hulks up so we see some more Anderson. Warrior fights him off as well and whips Arn into Heenan to knock Bobby to the floor. The gorilla press and splash get us down to one on one. Warrior sneaks up on Heenan and what do you think happens here? A shoulder block and splash ends this.

Rating: C-. I think it was watching the whole show before this but this was another dull match. Warrior was never in any danger and I think everyone knew it. To be fair, this would have been better with Tully out there and you can’t fault the guys for that. Heenan being in there had to turn it into a comedy match and I can’t hold that against them. Still though, another dull match in a series of them tonight.

Warrior sprints up the aisle and clotheslines Heenan as he leaves to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. There are multiple problems associated with this show. First of all, nothing here is what you would call good. The matches are all ok at best and nothing beyond that. I guess the best match would be the opener, but even that was just ok. This was a really weak time in the company as they had Hogan but he had beaten everyone already so there’s nothing for him to do really.

However there’s a bigger problem with Survivor Series overall. In short, what’s the point of any of this stuff? No stories are advanced here, other than the first match there was no clean fall between the people the feuding people, and there’s nothing to build off here. Look at Hogan. If you have Hogan lose in that match with DiBiase putting him to sleep after that much of a beating, you have a new opponent for him.

Instead, we have Hogan standing tall again which is nothing new at all. That’s the problem with the first few shows other than the first one. Survivor Series went nowhere and the appeal died very quickly. That wouldn’t change until 1991 so 1990 was somehow even more boring to sit through.

Wait I’m not done.

So as I mentioned, there was another match talked about inside a cage between Hogan/Beefcake and Zeus/Savage. This was a dark match at a TV taping in I believe Nashville. It was released as a PPV special called No Holds Barred: The Movie and The Match. Let’s get to it.

Hulk Hogan/Brutus Beefcake vs. Zeus/Randy Savage

This is one of like three matches Zeus ever had. Both guys have to escape to win. Vince and Jesse are on commentary. Beefcake gets in first but Sherri slams the door on Hogan to keep him out of the cage. Savage chokes Hogan through the cage as Zeus destroys Beefcake. Sherri locks the cage as Hulk punches Savage through the bars. The crowd is on fire for this. Hogan comes in over the top and makes the save as it’s time for the big showdown with Zeus.

Hogan slams Zeus into the cage a few times and down goes the monster. Savage gets whipped HARD into the cage by Brutus and both heels eat Hogan boots in the corner. Zeus gets double teamed but he sends both Hogan and Beefcake into the cage to take over. Savage tries to climb out but Beefcake stops him. Sherri tries to help Savage but Beefcake rams their heads together to keep Savage in the match.

Savage and Zeus ram both guys into the cage over and over which is a very basic yet very smart strategy for a match like this. Beefcake comes back and rams Zeus and Savage into the cage and all four guys are down. The referee unlocks the door to see what he should do, but Sherri rams the cage onto Hebner’s head and slides Savage the cage.

We load up the big spot of the match as Savage climbs the cage. Vince is freaking out. Jesse: “Well who’s going to stop it McMahon? You can’t do nothing about it.” Savage goes up to the top of the cage and wraps the chain around his hand. He dives at Beefcake but Brutus hits him in the ribs on the way down.

Beefcake gets the chain and pounds on Savage as Hogan can’t slam Zeus. Savage and Beefcake climb at the same time and it’s Hulk Up time. Beefcake gets over the top as Savage goes through the door and it’s one on one. Hogan slams Zeus, rams him into the cage about four times, slams him again, drops an insane THREE LEGS and Zeus is DEAD. The pin is academic.

Rating: B. That’s likely high, but this was absolutely perfect for what it was supposed to be. This was a TV taping main event and the fans got to see Hogan DESTROY his biggest rival at the time. The match was a ton of fun with Hogan in his late 80s goodness. Hogan vs. Zeus was actually going to be the Mania 6 main event for awhile until Vince woke up and put Warrior in there instead.

Ratings Comparison:

Dream Team vs. Enforcers

Original: B-

Redo: C+

King’s Court vs. 4x4s

Original: B+

Redo: D+

Hulkamaniacs vs. Million Dollar Team

Original: D-

Redo: C

Rude Brood vs. Roddy’s Rowdies

Original: D

Redo: C-

Ultimate Warriors vs. Heenan Family

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: D+

Redo: D

Bonus Match

Original: B-

Redo: B

I think the difference here is that with the original I didn’t like it at all but with the new one I got bored by it because it just keeps going and going.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/08/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1989-includes-a-bonus-review/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NPPH0WI

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Wrestler of the Day – October 29: Hardy Boys

Today we’re looking at one of the most successful tag teams of all time: the Hardy Boys.

Since the Hardys have been around forever, we’re going to drop the timeline and just do a best of.

We’ll start with December to Dismember, where the Hardys are issuing an open challenge, answered by MNM.

MNM vs. Hardys

This was an open challenge that was accepted by MNM. Who cares that neither was on ECW at the time? This was one of two matches announced for the show. What does that tell you? MNM beat up the Hardys on Tuesday and that’s all there is to it. Jeff is IC Champion here by the way. Matt and Mercury start us off.

The Hardys are dominating and throw in a spin cycle which is always a cool move. It’s like a double suplex but they spin the other guy around. It’s hard to explain. And now we get the weird part of this: ECW chants by fans that actually think this is a real ECW show. They start a she’s a crack w**** chant at Melina and no one knows how to react to it.

Matt hits splash mountain on Nitro (Morrison) for two. Apparently Melina has herpes. This show really was doomed from the start on this. I didn’t know Scott Armstrong was refereeing this far back. Tazz isn’t helping things either with his idiotic commentary. To be fair though, he could be far more annoying, like that scream from Melina.

Tazz throws in that Cole doesn’t like women. If true, I’m not entirely surprised. In a funny bit, MNM go for the Twist of Fate and Swanton but Matt fights off and gets the hot tag to Jeff. Matt hits a Pescado on Mercury which is more or less caught and reversed to set up the big pile of aerial moves which never gets old.

Jeff misses the Swanton as Mercury pulls Nitro out. This has been pretty good so far. Tazz gets off on the screaming I think. Morrison looks weird with blonde hair. It’s MNM in control now as they beat up Jeff. Yeah Tazz is driving me crazy. Melina is a crack w**** again apparently. It amazes me that she was more or less just the sexy valet at this point and became a great worker (by comparison) in just a few years.

They’re being given a lot of time if nothing else as we’re about 15 minutes into this and there seems to be a good amount of time to go in it. Is Tazz supposed to be Jerry Lawler or something? If he is he’s somehow more annoying than Jerry if that’s possible. Jeff gets a Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere to set up the tag to Matt.

In a cool spot, Jeff is tagged back in and goes up. Matt tries to set Mercury up for a powerbomb by handing him to Jeff but Nitro makes the save and then shoves Mercury up to Jeff so he can hit a hurricanrana. That was freaking cool. Nitro accidently dropkicks Melina and Jeff rolls him up for a LONG two.

Jeff takes the Snapshot but Matt makes the save. This is awesome stuff now. MNM sets for a top rope Snapshot but Matt saves with a double cutter to let Jeff hit a Swanton onto both of them for the pin. By the way, the Snapshot is Nitro holding up the other guy and Mercury hitting an elevated DDT.

Rating: B+. This was very good stuff as they were given a lot of time and it worked very well. This was a way to let MNM look good, even though at the end of the day they weren’t even the best tag team that Morrison was even a part of. Either way this was good stuff and it worked very well. Definitely good, but the show would go all downhill from here.

Time to unify some tag titles at Survivor Series 2001.

WCW Tag Titles/WWF Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Hardy Boys

In a cage. The Dudleys are WCW Champions and the Hardys are the WWF Champions and Stacy is STUNNING at this point as the Dudleys’ manager. All four belts get laid out between the guys in the ring and it’s time to go. There are tags required here and it’s Matt vs. Bubba to start. Matt can’t get anywhere so it’s off to Jeff who walks into a Boss Man Slam for two.

D-Von comes in as Heyman talks about Big Daddy Dudley which JR could not care less about. Back to Matt who rolls D-Von up for two but walks into a reverse inverted DDT for two. Bubba comes in again and drops a bunch of elbows for two. The Dudleys tag in and out a lot and it’s back to Bubba for more punching to Matt’s ribs. Bubba tries to ram Matt into the cage but Matt counters into a reverse DDT.

Off to Jeff who cleans house as everything breaks down quickly. Poetry in Motion hits Bubba and Matt climbs but D-Von makes the save. It’s pin/submission/double escape to win here and there’s a Bubba Bomb off the top to Jeff. Wouldn’t that hurt both of them equally? Bubba goes up again but Matt slams him down for two. Matt gets rammed into the cage but when the Dudleys try to do the same to Jeff, he grabs the cage and tries to climb out, only to get caught in a Doomsday Device (Paul: “WHAT A RUSH!”).

Matt gets crushed against the cage and Bubba whips D-Von into him for good measure. Bubba splashes him as well and the Dudleys are in full control. Jeff gets in a shot and Matt hits a top rope double clothesline to shift the momentum just as fast though. A DDT puts Bubba down for two and Jeff hits the legdrop between D-Von’s legs. A double backdrop takes Ray down again and the Hardys go up.

Matt hits a legdrop and Jeff hits a splash off the top at the same time for two on Bubba. Matt makes a climb but gets pulled down with one leg still stuck in the cage. What’s Up to Jeff and Bubba asks Stacy for a table. Stacy hits on Nick Patrick and picks the key out of his pocket. There’s a table in the ring now but Matt breaks up the 3D by jumping Bubba. Why D-Von didn’t flapjack Jeff through the table is anyone’s guess.

Bubba and Matt go tot he top and pound away at each other until Bubba is knocked down. Matt climbs down to escape but he’s left alone against the Dudleys. D-Von is rammed into the cage a few times and Jeff goes up as D-Von climbs onto the table for no apparent reason. Jeff looks down and sees D-Von there before diving off the top of the cage, but the Swanton misses. Bubba covers the table and therefore Jeff as well for the pin and the titles.

Rating: B-. This was the usual good brawl between these teams and it furthers the Hardys’ issues, but at the end of the day this feud was played out at this point. There was nothing left for these two teams to do and at this point it was being dragged out way too far. Still though, good match and a good way to I believe finally end this nearly two year long feud.

Take two teams and lock them in a cage at Unforgiven 2000.

Tag Titles: Edge/Christian vs. Hardy Boys

This is in a cage and the Canadians are champions. Pin/escaping. No submissions I guess. Also Fink says you have to go over the top even though there’s a door. Both guys have to escape though. We get a clip from Smackdown of the Canadians making fun of the Hardys indy stuff. Matt took a Concharito for his troubles. Big brawl to start as JR and Cole again leave submission out as a way to win. One pin wins it I think.

Matt hits a DDT on Edge so Christian is double teamed a bit. There’s no Lita here due to her getting crushed on Smackdown. The Hardys both climb but the Canadians get back up in time. Jeff gets up for what was supposed to be a Swanton Bomb but Edge shoves him off the top of the cage to the floor with NOTHING to catch him. FREAKING OW MAN! Matt hits the Twist on Christian but Edge saves.

I’m not sure if Jeff was supposed to go out that early because there’s no point to him being out there now. JR isn’t sure if he can get back in or not. Matt gets Christian tied in the ropes and Edge in the Tree of Woe but the Canadians make the save and suplex him off the top of the cage. Matt is rammed into the cage and now Jeff is trying to get back in, failing repeatedly.

Jeff is up on top of the cage now but he gets knocked off the top for the second time in 8 minutes. And people wonder why he had such a drug habit. He steals the key to the door and slides a chair in, only to have Christian slam the door on him. Christian goes out the door which doesn’t count here because this is a messed up cage match. He brings in another chair and I think you know what’s coming.

Matt is busted. He gets beaten on a lot more and the referee asks if Matt wants it stopped. Conchaitro misses and the Canadians have sore hands. A double clothesline puts them down and Matt goes climbing. He gets his feet over but Christian saves. Jeff has a ladder and hits Christian with it, knocking him out of the cage so it’s Matt vs. Edge now. Jeff is on the ladder and Edge can’t get to him and he’s all ticked about it. Jeff goes up and it’s Swanton time. Whisper in the Wind puts him right between the two of them because we don’t need to catch him or anything like that right?

Here’s Lita who hits Christian low and ranas him off the ladder. Who else can look that good in a swimsuit and bust out a rana off a ladder like that? What a woman. She’s holding her wrist after it though. Edge pelts a chair at Jeff and goes up but since he’s a heel he’s slower than Christmas. The Hardys catch him with chairs and give him a Conchairto, sending him flying to the ring. Matt and Jeff drop down to win the titles.

Rating: B+. The weird rules hurt this as again I don’t think Jeff was supposed to go out that early. Jeff’s bumps were absolutely scary here as he fell off the top of the cage TWICE. Lita served very little purpose here but the Conchairto made up for it. Also, it was Edge and Christian vs. the Hardys. Were you expecting anything less than really good?

Very soon after the MNM match, the Hardys were in a four way ladder match at Armageddon 2006.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Daven Taylor/William Regal vs. MNM vs. The Hardys

MNM lost the titles to Londrick and are returning here since Nitro (Morrison) is on Raw. The Hardys are also on Raw but who cares? Jeff is IC Champion and they’re not Boys anymore. The crowd is WAY behind the Hardys. The heels are sent to the floor so it’s Londrick vs. the legends. Matt and London take over but Kendrick and Jeff come back. Spin Cycle takes out London and appropriately enough the Brits come back in.

Matt and I think Nitro pick up ladders and the fight goes to the floor. The Hardys come down the aisle with ladders as Regal and Taylor try to keep them out. Just about everyone is back in now and there’s a pair of ladders. Poetry in Motion hits Regal and Taylor takes a Snapshot. Double superkick puts Regal down again and things slow down a bit.

The champs and the Hardys go at it, including Matt throwing Kendrick into a ladder HARD. Jeff goes up but London makes the save. London goes up but the Hardys save. Nitro tried a springboard move to take him out but the ladder was already down so the spot landing looked sick. Mercury is almost up there but London/Kendrick/Hardys pick up the ladder and shove Mercury over the top onto Nitro.

Poetry in Motion is attempted but London moves and Jeff crashes into the ladder. With everyone down, Kendrick makes a run but Matt saves. Neckbreaker puts Kendrick down and London hits a suplex on Regal outside. Matt gets put on a ladder leaned against the ropes so Kendrick hits a double stomp to the ribs.

Now we get to the famous part of this match. MNM sets up a see-saw thing using a pair of ladders. They put Jeff on the top and set for a double suplex but Matt makes the save. Jeff dives off and the ladder is slammed into Mercury’s face, absolutely destroying his nose. I’ve never seen more blood so fast. His nose was shattered and he would be out for a few weeks and would need 20 stitches.

Due to the injury it’s now a seven man match with the Brits in control. Half nelson release suplex sends London into the ladder. Taylor holds the ladder and Regal goes up but comes down due to fear. Taylor goes up instead but Kendrick comes in for the save. Mercury is already on his way to the hospital. Matt comes back in and hits a Twist of Fate to Taylor. Jeff sets up a ladder on the floor and tries to dive into the ring but Nitro hits a baseball slide to take out the ladder, sending Jeff’s throat into the ropes.

Nitro rides a ladder down onto Regal as a ladder is set up in the ring. Kendrick makes a save and takes Nitro down again. Matt throws Kendrick off the ladder and London has to make the save. Matt backdrops London off but the ladder falls. Jeff vs. Nitro on a ladder now and Jeff gets a big old sunset bomb and the Brits are back. They take everyone down and up they go.

Kendrick gets up there and pounds away on Regal but Taylor pulls him down again. Everyone is down and London starts crawling for the ladders. Matt is up again and goes for the same ladder. There are two ladders next to each other. Matt gets knocked down and London pulls the titles down to retain after a war.

Rating: B+. I wanted to give it an A- but it just didn’t feel right. It’s an excellent match and a great four way ladder match, despite it becoming a three and a half way part of the way through it. Londrick gets a big win here which they need and the fans get all fired up. Definitely the best match of the night (seriously, can you imagine something topping it later?) but it didn’t hit that level of the TLC matches.

The Hardys’ best known feud is with the Dudleys and Edge and Christian. The best way to deal with this was to put them in a match at Summerslam 2000. It was called TLC.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Edge and Christian

Edge and Christian are defending coming in. The Boyz all battle in the ring to start but the Canadians bring in chairs. The Hardyz take them away but Bubba knocks one back into Jeff’s face. Edge and Christian get in some shots with the chairs to put everyone down and it’s ladder time. Bubba slams the ladder into Edge’s face and DDT’s Christian down as the fans want tables. Matt and Jeff come back in to powerbomb Bubba down and a second ladder is brought in.

Matt and D-Von climb up but it’s Edge climbing up as well to bring them down with a double Russian legsweep. Bubba and Christian climb up and it’s a Bubba Bomb to bring the champion back down. The fans LOVED that one for obvious reasons. Matt shoves down both ladders but Jeff sets one up and climbs for the gold. Edge pulls him down and drops him onto the other ladder, sending it flying up into Matt’s face in a painful spot.

The Conchairto misses Jeff and it’s Bubba picking up the ladder to run everyone over. What’s Up to Edge off the ladder pops the crowd a lot but the GET THE TABLES line gets them even louder. A 3D puts Christian through the table and Bubba wants to kill someone. He and D-Von stack up four tables (two by two) outside the ring and Jeff is their target. Edge saves him with a chair for some reason but Matt lays out Edge with the Twist of Fate.

Both Hardys drop legs from the ladder and Matt lays the ladder down next to Edge. Matt puts Edge inside the ladder and crushes him inside of it before throwing Christian off the top and onto the ladder, destroying Edge even worse. Jeff climbs a ladder outside the ring and tries a Swanton to Bubba but only hits the tables, knocking Jeff out cold. Christian knocks Bubba silly with a chair on the floor to put him down.

Back in the ring and the big ladder is set up with everyone but Bubba and Jeff going up. Christian hits the reverse DDT to pull Matt down and the other two go down at the same time. It’s a drunk looking Bubba coming back in and climbing the ladder but Edge and Christian gets up and shoves him through the four tables at ringside. The champions both climb but here’s Lita to shove the ladder over, crotching them both on the top rope.

Matt goes up but D-Von shoves the ladder backwards, sending Matt back first through a pair of tables in a SCARY bump. Edge spears Lita down, drawing a bad swear from JR. D-Von is climbing but somehow Jeff is on the other side. Both guys grab a belt but Edge moves the ladder, leaving both guys hanging. D-Von is knocked down and the Canadians spear Jeff in the ribs with a ladder to bring him down. Everyone else is dead so Edge and Christian go up and get the belts to retain.

Rating: A. These six guys have a great match involving ladders. Imagine that. This match holds up incredibly well but the sequel would somehow be even better. That’s the biggest problem with this match: people remember the sequel instead of this one. The table bumps in this were great with Bubba and Matt destroying anything they landed on. It’s a great carnage match and is worth checking out if you haven’t seen it in awhile.

Speaking of TLC, the team was recently in a series of matches with the Wolves and Team 3D. Here’s the final match from Impact, October 8, 2014.

Tag Team Titles: Hardys vs. Team 3D vs. Wolves

The Wolves are defending and this is Full Metal Mayhem, meaning TLC. Richards has a somewhat bad leg coming into this but he seems to be fine. It’s a big brawl to start of course with Matt hitting what looked like the Side Effect to Eddie on the apron. Bully hammers on Jeff on the floor as weapons are being sets up on the floor. Matt goes for a climb but Ray comes in for a save with a Rock Bottom.

Davey breaks up Ray’s attempt and DDTs him, only to have D-Von nail Richards a second later. Matt gets enziguried into a German suplex onto a pair of open chairs. Eddie throws Jeff into the air and Ray catches him in a Cutter for a 3D. They chop it out but Matt is back up to take both guys down. We get the Tower of Doom with Ray electric chairing Matt who superplexes Edwards. D-Von bridges a piece of barricade between the apron and some overturned steps but Davey headbutts him onto the barricade.

Ray saves his partner from a dive and powerbombs Richards down, only to miss a middle rope backsplash. He comes right back with another powerbomb to send Richards onto the barricade, giving Richards one of the most shocked looks I’ve ever seen. Back with Jeff taking a ladder to the face and D-Von cleans house with a chair.

Richards comes back with a chair of his own but this time it’s Jeff popping up to take over. The Whisper in the Wind and Swanton have Ray in trouble but he pops right back up for a brawl with Jeff on the floor. The Twisting Stunner has Ray in trouble and Jeff brings out another table. He bridges it between the turned over steps and the apron with the legs up. Jeff misses the legdrop though and crashes through the table, leaving him in a huge heap on the floor.

Back in and Ray goes up, only to have Edwards set up a ladder of his own next to it. Bully kicks him down but Matt comes in with a ladder of his own. All three go up and slug it out with Edwards getting slammed off the top. Mat and Ray grab for the belts but send them swinging around before knocking each other off with Matt flying into a ladder.

Davey and Matt slug it out with Hardy getting the better of it and bringing in another table. Everyone heads outside again with Matt climbing about halfway up a huge ladder to legdrop Davey through a table. Richards has taken one heck of a beating here. D-Von cleans house with the ladder and brings in the big ladder to make thing even more fun. Team 3D loads up What’s Up but Edwards shoves D-Von to the floor.

Davey goes up the big ladder but gets shoved onto the floor and head first into the barricade. The Hardys make another save with chairs and put Ray on two tables. Jeff goes up top of the big ladder but Davey shoves it over, sending Hardy into a HUGE splash onto Ray for a horrible looking crash. Davey and Matt slug it out on top of the ladder but Edwards makes a save and powerbombs Matt through a table, allowing Davey to take down the belts for the win at 23:52.

Rating: A. I came into this show thinking this match wasn’t going to be able to live up to its hype and they got me. This was an AWESOME match with a ton of high spots and some insane looking bumps. The fact that they didn’t save this for Bound For Glory shows you just how much they don’t care about that show this year. Excellent match and one of the best things TNA has done in years.

The Hardys had a reunion in 2007 and would defend the belts in a ladder match at One Night Stand 2007.

Raw Tag Titles: Hardys vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

This should be awesome. Hardys are champions coming in. Big brawl to start but that’s the point of this match I suppose. Haas takes down both Hardys with a double clothesline and here come the ladders. All four have ladders so the Hardys throw theirs at their opponents’ and put a pair in corners. Haas gets buried under a pair of ladders in the corner and Shelton is pushed on top of them.

The Hardys start being the Hardys in a ladder match and dominate quickly but make a mental mistake (the Hardys? Nah) and both go up at once, only for Shelton to toss a ladder at them and take over. They work on Jeff’s leg and send him into a ladder in the corner so softly that the fans boo it. When do you EVER hear of a spot being booed in a ladder match? Haas and Benjamin both go up but they have the same issue the Hardys had and we all come down again.

Shelton dropkicks a ladder into Matt’s face and the World’s Greatest Tag Team takes over all over again. They set up a pair of ladders in a sea-saw pattern and according to rule 2 of ladder matches, they both get slammed onto it. Here come the Hardys again and a double clothesline takes everyone not named Shelton to the floor. The Hardys bring in the huge ladders and set one between the ring and the railing.

Shelton blocks a suplex through said ladder though, until Matt backdrops Shelton onto a ladder which he just bounces off. The ladder is bent and Jeff isn’t happy. He thinks to himself by George (and bonds. Pills. Maybe some cocaine too. My band’s album because no one else will) I want him to go through that ladder but Haas makes a last second save.

Matt takes Charlie down and goes up himself, only to get shoved onto the top rope. You know the move Haas and Benjamin do where Haas holds a guy up on the top and Shelton jumps on his back? Well here they use a ladder instead of a rope and Shelton jumps to the floor onto Matt’s back and more or less destroys it in an awesome looking spot. Charlie goes up but here’s your friendly resident drug addict (Jeff in case you thought Matt got up that fast) for a superplex off the ladder to the mat.

Everyone is down now and Jeff has a glazed over look in his eye. In other words, everything is normal with him. In one of the best accidental spots I’ve ever seen, Shelton tries to springboard from the apron to the ladder to stop Jeff but slips and flips forward, kicking the ladder over. JR actually does a decent job of making it sound intentional. Matt shoves Shelton off and starts climbing up two ladders at once. Everyone goes up and it’s a four way fight. The Hardys go down but maintain enough composure to shove their opponents off. Swanton kills Haas and Matt gets the belts to retain.

Rating: B+. Pretty good tag team ladder match here as they let all four guys go in there and just do their thing which is the right idea more often than not. Also they had time (seventeen minutes) here which helped a lot as well. Very hard hitting match here as they managed to make the older spots look good again. Rather good match and not much to complain about at all here.

Before TLC, there was a triangle ladder match at Wrestlemania XVI.

Tag Titles: Edge and Christian vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

The Dudleyz are defending and this is a triangle ladder match rather than a TLC match. That would come in September. This is when Edge and Christian still came through the crowd and somehow hadn’t won the tag titles yet. As the Dudleys pose in the aisle on a ladder during their entrance, the Canadians jump the only actual brothers in the match. This is going to be one of those matches that is almost impossible to keep track of. Bubba chops away at Jeff in the ring but gets caught by Whisper in the Wind. A Bubba Bomb puts Jeff right back down and they all head to the floor.

Christian sets up a ladder in the ring but Matt makes a save. Everyone gets back inside and there’s a second ladder. Matt throws one into the corner at Bubba for a sick thud right before D-Von is slammed onto a ladder and hit by a middle rope elbow. Jeff puts Bubba on the ladder but misses a 450, giving us a SICK looking crash. Bubba puts the ladder on top of Jeff and actually hits the middle rope backsplash to crush both of them. Edge rides a ladder out of the corner to crush another ladder onto Matt.

D-Von takes Edge down and all six guys are on the mat or floor now. Bubba is up first and we get the put the ladder around your own neck and spin around in a circle move. Edge and Christian finally dropkick the ladder into Bubba to put him down and there’s a double flapjack into the ladder in the corner on D-Von. Christian climbs a ladder and dives onto Matt and Bubba on the floor. This is all happening with almost no breaks in between. Jeff climbs the ladder in the ring but Edge jumps off the top with a spear. That would be topped by about 1000 next year.

Matt hits a crucifix bomb on Edge before trying to climb, only to be slammed down by D-Von. D-Von goes up, only to have Christian throw the ladder at him to bring him down. There are now three ladders set up in the middle of the ring and it’s Bubba with a Cutter to Christian off two of them. Awesome looking move there. With Bubba down, the Hardys hit a splash/legdrop combination off the top of the ladders. D-Von tries to climb but the Canadians suplex him off the ladder.

Everyone but the Dudleyz climb up but they all come flying down due to a facebuster and a Russian legsweep in another spot that would be topped next year. The Dudleys are back in now and the fans want tables. Now all six guys climb three ladders and as you can guess, they all go flying down. Christian and Jeff get the worst of it, crashing out to the floor. Bubba lands on his feet and shoves the other two ladders over, leaving him alone in the ring. D-Von is back up too but here’s Christian back to his feet, only to get crushed between two ladders.

Edge comes back in and gets caught in the original 3D, with Bubba running for the cutter instead of just standing there. Bubba loads up a table as is his custom and D-Von gets one of his own. There are two ladders set up in the ring and the Dudleys are all alone, but instead of climbing they make a scaffold out of a table between the tops of the ladders. The Hardys get back up to make the save but are easily dispatched. Again the Dudleys screw up though by setting up another table under the scaffold and a third on the floor.

Bubba powerbombs Matt through the one on the floor but D-Von misses a splash through Jeff on one of the tables back in the ring. Jeff tries to run the rail but Bubba pelts him in the face with a ladder. Bubba loads up the super ladder in the aisle before setting up a table in front of it. I can smell wrestling law #1 from here. Jeff comes back and takes Bubba out before putting him on the ladder. In the famous spot from this match, Jeff climbs to the top of the super ladder and hits the Swanton through Bubba through the table to put both of them out.

Back in the ring D-Von suplexes Christian down and goes for a climb but here’s Matt to break it up. The Twist of Fate takes D-Von down and now it’s Matt and Christian climbing the ladders. They both wind up on the scaffolding that was set up earlier but here’s Edge from behind. The brothers throw Matt through the table, allowing Edge and Christian to pull down the belts for their first titles.

Rating: A-. There are two problems with this match. First of all, the match the next year blows it away. Second, and far worse, the last ten minutes were spent setting up spots instead of actually going for the belts. Take the big spot of the match for example. Why in the world would Bubba do that instead of for the sake of doing that spot later? Same with all the other tables set up. There was no logic to doing that, but they did the spots anyway. Still though, excellently fun match.

Another match from the TNA series on Impact, September 17, 2014.

Wolves vs. Hardys vs. Team 3D

This is a ladder match and only the Wolves can’t win the series here. The Wolves charge the ring to start the brawl and an ECW chant already starts up. The champions send the Hardys and Team 3D to the floor for back to back suicide dives. We get the first ladder brought in but Richards has to stop to kick Ray in the head. Ray and Matt both get hit by the ladder with Ray being driven back into the corner.

Jeff kicks the ladder into the Wolves and hits a Whisper in the Wind to put both champions down. We get the required helicopter spot with the ladder on Ray’s head before he just drops the ladder on Richards’ back. What’s Up crushes Davey even more but Matt breaks up an attempt to get the tables. Edwards stops Matt from pulling down the belts but D-Von pushes the ladder over to send both guys into the ropes.

We take a break and come back with Ray powerbombing Jeff onto a pile of ladders, knocking another ladder into Eddie and Matt’s faces. Ray sets up a ladder but the Wolves powerbomb him down for a save. The Wolves, D-Von and Matt all climb up until Davey and D-Von knock each other off and Matt hits a Twist of Fate on Eddie. Jeff loads up a ladder in the corner and tries to jump over it but Ray gets up and superplexes him down with Jeff’s feet hitting the titles on the way down.

Davey hammers away on D-Von in the corner until Ray slaps him HARD across the back to set up a Doomsday Device. Now the Hardys start cleaning house with the ladder and hit double Twists of Fate to Team 3D. Matt moonsaults Ray and Jeff Swantons D-Von in a cool spot. Poetry in Motion crushes Eddie against a ladder as the Hardys are in total control. They lay Davey onto a ladder and Matt holds it up for a splash from Jeff.

Team 3D comes back with tables but the Wolves bring in chairs (fans: “TLC!”). Davey double stomps Matt through a table at ringside, leaving Eddie to climb for the belts. Jeff is right there with him but Davey shoves the ladder over, sending Jeff ribs first onto a ladder. Eddie pulls down the belts to tie the series up at 18:10.

Rating: B. I think we’ve established that these three teams are going to be awesome no matter what they do. It’s obvious that they’re setting up a TLC match (even though that’s what this was) for the final match and that’s the logical choice. Unfortunately I’m not sure where they can go after this as the division could crash back down to earth after Bound For Glory. Still though, at least it’s great stuff while it lasts.

Here’s one of the original ladder matches from No Mercy 1999.

Edge/Christian vs. Hardy Boys

They’re the New Brood here but you get the idea. The winner gets $100,000 and Terri. This is the night where these four broke through to the other side and changed the company for more or less ever. Keep in mind, none of the spots you’re about to see have ever been seen in the company before so this is all new stuff. What you have here is four guys being told to go out there and just do it. I’ve long since thought this WWF’s answer to the cruiserweights.

This is the Terri Invitational Tournament. Spell it out for yourselves. We start on the floor and this should be awesome. It’s a fight to get to the ladders. I’ve never gotten why you need to get to the ladder first. It’s not like that means you win or anything. I remember in War Games 2000 in WCW you had to get the belt down and leave with it. Kevin Nash just stood at the door. He didn’t have to do anything but leave with the belt, so why risk getting hurt to go up there and get it?

Let someone else do the work. First ladder is brought in and down goes Edge. The reactions to this are great. The fans are gasping at every spot which is what you want: to get the crowd excited. We’ve been in this match maybe four minutes and it’s already way ahead of the rest of the show. Oh Gangrel was thrown out. Swanton to Edge onto a ladder. Looking back this isn’t that great by comparison but it’s still very fun.

You have to keep in mind that there is nothing to compare it to at the moment. This is the first multi-man ladder match so this is just mind blowing. Also it’s the first time that there isn’t a big man like Ramon in there. These guys are designed for matches like this and it’s working really well. Edge is almost there and Matt just chucks a ladder at him. That was cool.

Matt’s crotch gets crushed. You know, it occurs to me that in storyline, Matt and Edge dated Lita, in the Christian/Jericho and Lita/Trish angle it was Christian and Lita and Jeff and Lita had a small thing once Matt was gone. Dang that girl gets around. Everyone is down now as Christian takes a Twist of Fate. Second ladder is set up. Jeff takes a Downward Spiral from the ladder.

The great thing about a ladder is that while most of the spots are from about the level of the second rope, having a ladder involved makes it seem cooler. The see-saw spot debuts and Christian and Matt get slammed in the face with it. These things never get old. The look on Edge’s face with him laying on his back with his eyes open is great. All four go up at once and all four come down with all four landing on the ropes.

Crowd is going nuts mind you. The roof camera view is pretty awesome actually. Edge climbs one ladder, Christian and Jeff climb another. Matt slams the ladder with two guys into the other ladder so Edge falls. Jeff jumps from one ladder to the other and knocks Edge off to grab the money. SWEET ENDING.

Rating: A. Just yes. This is the reason to see this PPV. This match just changed the WWF forever as they set the standard for awesome matches with ladders. The fans ate this up like no other and it still definitely holds up today. Just a great match and unfortunately one of the forgotten matches in the series.

Here’s the second match in the series from Impact on September 10, 2014.

Tag Team Title Series: Team 3D vs. Wolves vs. Hardys

The Wolves are defending but only 3D can win the titles here. This is a tables match where only one person has to go through a table for the win. Everyone quickly heads outside and the fans already want tables. Bully and Matt hammer away on each other inside with Matt getting caught in What’s Up. Team 3D wants tables and draws the loudest pop of the night so far. The Wolves try to baseball slide the table into their faces but get blasted with it instead. The Hardys’ baseball slide connects though and we take a break.

Back with D-Von moving the table to save the match, earning him a dropkick from Eddie. Ray tries a Doomsday Device to Edwards but Jeff and Davey make the save. Davey fights off both members of Team 3D but walks into a hard double shoulder. The Hardys set up a table in the corner but Jeff misses a dropkick to drive himself through the table instead. Team 3D loads up another table on the ramp and try a suplex on Matt until the Wolves hit stereo suicide dives for the save.

Jeff bridges a table upside down between the steps and the apron and sets up the legs to make it even more dangerous. Edwards takes him down with a big dive though and it’s Matt vs. Davey in the ring now. Team 3D breaks it up and slides in the table that Jeff set up outside. The Wolves take them out though and break the corner off the table in the process. Jeff dives over the top to take out Bully and Matt gives Eddie an elevated Twist of Fate out of the corner. Eddie is laid on a table and Jeff nails a Swanton through for the win at 15:16.

Rating: B-. It’s a really good main event though not as good as the regular match they had a few weeks back. The series is the best thing TNA has going right now and while it’s not going to last long term, it’s enjoyable while it’s lasting and that’s all it needs to do. Goods tuff here and I’m sure the finals at Bound For Glory will rock.

Here’s their first Tag Team Title win from Fully Loaded 1999.

Tag Titles: Acolytes vs. Hardys/Michael Hayes

Yep it’s a handicap match. At this point I had zero clue which was Matt and which was Jeff. We start in the aisle where they just leave the belts. Who would have thought two of these four would win world titles? I don’t think this has started yet. According to Ross it has. Ah there’s the bell so Ross was wrong.

We have Farrooq and Jeff in there to start while Bradshaw beats up both guys on the floor. Matt takes out everyone with a top rope moonsault. They really were great fliers back in the day. Hayes is pretty freaking worthless here but what did you really expect? The APA takes over with just power. Matt picks to tag Hayes. Why in the world would you do that? We get a Freebird reference so I’m good for the night. There’s Jeff. Crowd is DEAD for this.

I think Lita helped them a good bit to say the least. The Hardys simply aren’t that good at this point. Bradshaw gets a nice belly to back suplex off the top. Not bad. Jeff clocks him with Hayes’ cane over the head. Poetry in Motion is still very much a work in progress here. Hayes comes in and a double powerbomb gives the APA their titles back. Edge, Christian and a ladder would be coming soon.

Rating: D+. I didn’t like it at all. Hayes was just in the way here as he’s old and most of the people here don’t know what he used to be nor do they care more than likely. The Hardys would dump him maybe the next night. Either way, the APA would lose the belts to Kane and X-Pac two weeks later so this was just to get Hayes out of the Hardy picture.

And of course the first match in the TNA series on Impact, August 27, 2014.

Hardys vs. Team 3D vs. Wolves

This is the first match of a Tag Team Series where the first team to win two matches wins the Tag Team Titles. Whoever wins each match gets to pick the stipulation for the next match. This is just a usual triple threat tag. Richards and Ray get things going after a break. The champions (the Wolves) start on Ray’s arm but he comes back with right hands to Davey’s head. A hard chop puts Richards down and Davey says bring it on. That earns him another chop but the fans aren’t interested in starting a 3D chant.

The tag brings in D-Von but Eddie kicks him right back into a tag to Ray. Matt tags himself in and things are already breaking down. Poetry in Motion has Eddie in trouble but Davey comes out with a clothesline to break it up. Team 3D lays out Davey for two as Ray leaves rather than loading up their namesake. Now it’s the Hardys working over Davey with Jeff kicking him in the back for two.

Matt works over the arm but everything breaks down again. The Wolves duck a double clothesline from the Hardys and hit stereo suicide dives on Team 3D, only to have Poetry In Motion take them down, followed by a moonsault from Matt to take everyone down again. Back in and Eddie enziguris Matt into a German suplex but Jeff makes a last second save. Eddie breaks up the Twist of Fate and D-Von tags himself in.

The Wolves throw him into a kick to the chest and hit the double top rope double stomps for two. Davey escapes a Twist of Fate and kicks Matt in the head, only to miss a top rope double stomp. Now the Twist connects on Richards, setting up the Swanton from Jeff. Edwards kicks him down though and rolls up D-Von for two. 3D out of nowhere is enough to pin Edwards at 9:06.

Rating: B+. That might be a bit high but I was really digging this match. It was exactly what it was supposed to be and you can pretty much guarantee that each team will get to win a match before the big showdown at the final. Odds are we’ll be getting a tables match next and hopefully it’s as good as this.

Here’s a great forgotten match from the 2000 Royal Rumble.

Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

I believe match #1 or #2 in a series of roughly 8000 and it’s an elimination tables match. Bubba praises John Rocker of the Braves who had recently gone on a massive anti-New York rant in Sports Illustrated. The Hardys hit the ring and the match starts fast with Bubba hitting the Bubba Bomb on Jeff. No tags here thank goodness. Bubba sets up a table in the ring but before he can get another one, Jeff takes him out with a HUGE flip dive.

Jeff gets sent into the steps as Matt escapes a powerbomb through the table. D-Von suplexes Matt as Jeff CRACKS Bubba in the head with a chair. In a SICK spot, Jeff tries to run the railing but Bubba throws the table at Jeff, knocking him out of the air. That sounded GREAT. The pairings trade off and Bubba loads up the backsplash through the table, only for Jeff to come back and try a double superplex. D-Von moves the table but doesn’t stop the suplex.

Matt brings in a ladder because this might as well be a TLC style match. We head to the floor where the ladder is set up in front of a table with Bubba on it. Matt dives through Bubba through the table just as Jeff dives in from off camera with a splash, sending Bubba through the table in another awesome looking spot. So it’s 2-1 now with Jeff leaning a table up against the barricade. The steps are set up on their end and a table is set up like a bridge between the steps and the apron.

D-Von is placed on the bridged table but moves before Matt dives through him. He moves AGAIN to avoid a diving Jeff, sending him through the leaning table. Cool sequence there by Ninja D-Von. Apparently Bubba doesn’t have to leave. Ok that makes things more interesting. The Dudleys set up two steps in the ring and put a table across them before hitting a HUGE powerbomb on Matt to eliminate (in a sense) him. The tables are LOUD tonight too. Jeff gets beaten into the aisle but Matt quickly follows, only to get WHACKED in the head with a chair.

The Dudleys stack up four tables in front of the entrance (it’s the MSG setup where the entrance is opposite the cameras). Matt gets put on the tables and Jeff is CRACKED in the head again to break up the save attempt. Bubba climbs onto the taxi over the aisle to splash Matt, but remember that wouldn’t win the match. Jeff climbs up after him (I’m not sure where D-Von went) and blasts him with a chair, knocking him through two of the tables (still doesn’t win). Matt puts D-Von on the table and Jeff dives off the taxi with the Swanton through D-Von through the table for the win.

Rating: B+. This was AWESOME with all four guys being young and hungry here. The Dudleys were out to prove themselves and the Hardys were out to show they could hang in a fight. They had already proven they could fight in a violent match like the ladder match, but this was a brawl instead of a high flying match. REALLY fun stuff here though and well worth a look if you haven’t seen it. The Dudleys would get the titles next month, setting up the first triangle ladder match at Mania.

Is there anything else to wrap it up with? From Wrestlemania X7.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Edge and Christian

The Dudleys are the champions coming in. There’s no story to it, but was there ever to one of these things? Edge and Christian get double teamed to start and the Dudleyz hit a double flapjack on Christian. Both sets of Boys fight in the corner with Jeff hitting Poetry in Motion on both at once. Cue Edge and Christian again with the ladder before Edge brings in a chair. The Canadians put Matt in the Tree of Woe and stand on his crotch. No wonder Lita left him for Edge.

Edge stats to climb but Matt makes the stop and goes up himself. That goes badly for him of course as Edge uses the chair as a stepping stone to take Matt down with a clothesline. Jeff dropkicks Edge off the ladder before joining with his brother to dropkick a ladder into the Dudleys’ faces. There are two ladders in the ring now in opposite corners. Christian is slammed down and hit with a stereo splash/legdrop from the Hardys. The Dudleys are back in now and there’s What’s Up.

It’s Table Time with Edge being placed on the first one, but Jeff tries a hurricanrana to Bubba, only to be powerbombed through Edge through the table. This is nonstop action so far. The Dudleys set up four tables at ringside as Paul tells us of Big Daddy Dudley’s construction company in Dudleyville. Currently there’s a table in the corner and three ladders in the ring. Bubba picks up a ladder and CRACKS Matt in the head with it before setting it up next to the other two. All three are set up in a row in the middle of the ring so here’s a six way climb.

Matt and Christian go flying first with Matt landing on the ropes and Christian falling all the way to the floor. Jeff and D-Von fall into the opposite ropes and Edge and Bubba fall backwards, to put all six guys down. Edge is the only one halfway standing and Christian sets up a table on the floor. Bubba dumps a ladder to the floor to clear the ring out a bit as Spike Dudley, Bubba and D-Von’s cousin, runs in. He hits Edge low and puts Christian through a table with the Dudley Dog off the apron.

Edge and Christian’s friend Rhyno runs in and destroys everyone in sight before sending Edge up the ladder to get the belts. Cue Lita to jerk Edge off. The ladder. Anyway with the thong sticking WAY out, Rhyno picks her up but gets hit low by Spike. Lita goes up for a rana on Rhyno and Spike cracks him in the head with a chair, sending Rhyno into the ladder, knocking Edge into the ropes. A Doomsday Device puts Rhyno down again but Lita CRACKS Spike in the head with a chair. She then takes off her top, giving us the biggest pop of the night. Not that it matters as she walks into a 3D and is now done for the match.

The Canadians come back in with chairs to take the champions out before Christian brings out the huge ladder. It’s on the floor but it’s still taller than the ones in the ring. Jeff, ever the crazy man, goes ALL THE WAY to the top and hits a Swanton onto Spike and Rhyno (read as Rhyno barely gets hit and Spike takes every bit of it). The super ladder is set up in the ring now and it’s a race between D-Von and Christian. Matt moves the ladder away, leaving both guys hanging from the cord holding the belts.

Both guys fall down, but Jeff gets up on a regular ladder and tries to walk on the other small ladders like a tightrope. Jeff loses his balance though and has to hang from the cord as well. Bubba grabs the ladder and walks away with it while Jeff’s feet are still in it, pulling Jeff’s body back. The feet pull away and Jeff swings forward, right into a spear from Edge off the super ladder, drawing a BIG gasp from the crowd. That’s the spot that made everyone realize Edge was going to be something VERY special.

Matt and Bubba go up on the super ladder, but Rhyno shoves it over, sending them crashing through the four tables at ringside. D-Von goes up now but Edge grabs his feet, allowing Rhyno to give Christian enough of a boost to beat D-Von to the top and get the titles, finally ending this carnage.

Rating: A+. If you’re looking for pure insanity and non-stop violence, this is the pinnacle of the genre. These nine people went for over fifteen minutes and never once stopped beating on each other. The spots are insane and the big spots still have you in awe. This match holds up incredibly well and is just as impressive as it was twelve years ago. Absolute masterpiece that blows away every MITB match that I can remember.

If there’s a better team in gimmick matches, I’ve yet to see them. These two insane guys from North Carolina have been flying around and breaking stuff (namely themselves) for years now and it’s still entertaining. They may not be the best regular team in the world, but they’re an excellent combination and there’s always something special to seeing two brothers together. There’s a natural bond there that you just can’t fake and they’re as good as anybody at it.

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Survivor Series Count-Up – 1988: The Greatest Force In The Universe Today

Survivor Series 1988
Date: November 24, 1988
Location: Richfield Coliseum, Richfield, Ohio
Attendance: 13,500
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura

It’s year number two of the series and there’s a new champion in the form of the Macho Man. He and Hogan have formed the Mega Powers and are in the main event tonight against the Twin Towers who are neither twins nor towers, but they’re two monsters in the forms of Big Boss Man and Akeem, formerly the One Man Gang. There are only four matches again here but it’s a long show as well. Let’s get to it.

Gorilla and Jesse go over the rules (elimination rules, pin/submission/countout/DQ for an elimination) and we’re ready to go.

Team Ultimate Warrior vs. Team Honky Tonk Man

Ultimate Warrior, Brutus Beefcake, Sam Houston, Jim Brunzell, Blue Blazer

Honky Tonk Man, Bad News Brown, Danny Davis, Ron Bass, Greg Valentine

This is fallout from Warrior winning the title at Summerslam. Brunzell is subbing for Don Muraco who has left the company at this point. That’ll be a recurring theme tonight. Valentine and Beefcake starts us off, making it the second year in a row that Beefcake has opened for his team. It’s quickly off to Davis and the sleeper puts him out in less than a minute and a half. Well to be fair there’s no reason for him to be around anyway. Valentine charges right back in to continue the war of the original Dream Team, which I doubt most people would remember at this point.

Greg goes after the legs as is his custom, but since we’re only about three minutes into the match, the Figure Four is broken up. Well to be fair everyone says that Valentine doesn’t get warmed up for about ten or fifteen minutes so he’s still looking for his keys at this point. Off to the Blazer (played by then mostly unknown Owen Hart) who drops an ax handle onto Valentine, giving us the trademark slow fall.

Valentine goes for the arm (not a hammer lock which takes away the irony of it) but Blazer easily takes him down with a headscissors and brings in Brunzell. The Killer Bees were gone at this point so he’s just a guy in trunks. He’s a guy in trunks with a good leapfrog though as he clears Valentine with a lot of room to spare, only to get slammed down. Brunzell pops up and hits the dropkick but it’s off to Bad News. Sweet goodness was this guy born in the wrong generation. Imagine him after the rise of MMA, remembering that he’s a legitimate Olympic bronze medalist in judo.

Brown comes in like the headhunter he’s known as and kills Brunzell with a clothesline. Brunzell tries some basic stuff so Brown kicks him in the chest and beats on him in the corner. Brunzell misses a charge in the corner and the Ghetto Blaster (enziguri) gets the easy pin to tie things up. Brutus comes in and grabs Brown so Houston, one of the least intimidating guys ever, can come off the top with a double ax.

Houston misses a charge in the corner and Brown pounds on him like a stupid looking dancing white boy. A clothesline takes Houston’s head off and here’s Valentine. Make that Brown again and Valentine accidentally hits Brown. That ticks off Bad News and he walks off. That’s not a face turn. He just didn’t like anybody. Houston tries to steal a pin on Valentine but Greg is like boy please.

Off to Bass in a match that I think happened before in the NWA. A rollup gets two for Houston but he charges into another boot in the corner. That’s a popular move in this match. A middle rope cross body gets two for Sam and a forearm from Bass takes his head off for two. Houston’s monkey flip is countered into a powerslam and he’s gone, thank goodness. The guy is just not interesting or good at all.

Warrior comes in to fire the crowd up and attacks everyone left on the other team (Valentine, Bass and Honky vs. Warrior, Beefcake and Blazer at the moment). Honky comes in because he’s not that bright and there he goes, flying through the air off a shoulder tackle. Off to Bass who gets slammed down and hit with a Rocket Launcher from Blazer. Honky comes in and is cross bodied down immediately. A monkey flip and dropkick have Honky in even more trouble so it’s off to Valentine.

Owen gets crotched on the head of Valentine during a leapfrog but apparently Blazer has balls of steel because he suplexes Valentine down and drops a knee for two. Blazer goes up but Honky shoves him off, sending Owen down onto his knee. The Figure Four means a quick elimination by Valentine and we’re down to 3-2. Off to Beefcake vs. Valentine and Jesse mentions that these guys were not only a team but tag champions. Why is that such an afterthought?

Off to Bass who also has history with Beefcake but that isn’t mentioned here, despite it happening like three months before this. A headbutt keeps Beefcake down and it’s back to Elvis Man. His contribution is ramming Beefcake’s head into Bass’ boot and tagging in Valentine. Well no one ever accused him of being a ring general. After Warrior charges in like an idiot, it’s back to Honky for Shake Rattle and Roll, but Brutus backdrops out of it to start his comeback.

Back to Bass who hits a top rope clothesline to keep the advantage and brings in Honky who goes up. Beefcake punches him in the ribs because Honky is about as fast as Arn Anderson at going to the top. Beefcake wins a slugout and we get the eternally funny selling of an atomic drop by Honky. There’s the sleeper but Man dumps them to the floor and they fight to a countout.

This leaves us with Valentine and Bass vs. Ultimate Warrior. Gee I wonder what’s going to happen. A double clothesline puts Warrior down but Valentine can only get two. More double teaming works for a bit but Warrior gets to the ropes and starts shaking. Another double clothesline doesn’t work and an ax handle each gets the two pins to make Warrior the sole survivor.

Rating: C. Not the best match in the world but for a midcard match it was fine. Warrior was insanely over here (as well as insane in general but that’s another talk for later on) and the fans erupted for his comeback at the end. The rest of it is just ok and there’s nothing wrong with that. This was the right choice for an opener though.

Team Demolition vs. Team Powers of Pain

Powers of Pain, Rockers, British Bulldogs, Hart Foundation, Young Stallions

Demolition, Brain Busters, Bolsheviks, Fabulous Rougeaus, Conquistadors

Now here’s a famous match. Demolition won the titles at Wrestlemania and are rapidly becoming faces based purely on fan reactions. They’re with Mr. Fuji here. These are the same rules as last year, meaning if a member of a team is beaten, he and his partner are both gone. Los Conquistadores are masked guys and would probably be played by different guys every night. My guess here would be Jose Estrada and Jose Luis Rivera here.

British Bulldog starts with let’s say Conquistador Uno. It’s quickly off to Jacques who was having legit backstage issues with the Bulldogs at this point. Off to Zhukov vs. Shawn and Michaels moonsaults out of the corner ala Daniel Bryan. Marty comes in and I’m not likely going to mention every tag here given how fast they’re happening. Ax comes in to pound on Jannetty and it’s off to Arn Anderson of the Brainbusters. Tully comes in and gets beaten up in the face corner for his efforts.

Jacques is tagged to be the fourth heel in about a minute and a half. Dynamite pounds on Jacques which is probably the most interesting pairing in the match given their real issues. Jim Powers comes in for about a second before it’s back to Dynamite to face Raymond Rougeau. A sunset flip gets two for Dynamite and it’s back to Powers to face Zhukov. Smash comes in and Powers is in trouble. Jacques dropkicks Powers into the corner and here’s Bret to a BIG pop. Bret quickly small packages Raymond to get things down to 5-4. There are still a ton of people on the apron though.

Off to Roma vs. Volkoff with Roma being in trouble quickly. Roma comes out of the corner and in an impressive spot, he jumps from the mat to the top rope and hits a spinning crossbody for two. Volkoff comes back with a dropkick of his own and it’s off to Smash vs. Neidhart. Jim quickly tags out to Barbarian for the real feud of the match: Powers vs. Demolition. Smash, still a cowardly heel, brings in Conquistador Dos.

Warlord comes in to pound on Dos as does Bret. Ax comes in and kicks Bret down before it’s off to Tully. Bret clotheslines Tully down and from the mat they tag in Shawn (he and Bret have to interact at Survivor Series. It’s like law or something) and Smash respectively. Volkoff and Smash double team Shawn with Nikolai hitting the gorilla press backbreaker. Back to Tully who immediately tags in Arn for the wicked spinebuster for two.

Uno comes in again and slams Shawn down but it’s off to Marty even faster. Back to Volkoff who tosses Marty around with ease. Davey comes in and the power advantage is negated. Nikolai brings in Tully who drops a lot of elbows on Davey before it’s off to Dos vs. Warlord. Warlord no sells everything and gorilla presses Dos into a tag to Ax. They slug it out with Ax taking over and handing it off to Smash.

Smash doesn’t do as well and it’s a double team from the Powers to take over on him. Tully comes in with a middle rope elbow to the head of Barbarian but Barbie clotheslines Blanchard’s head off. Barbarian tags Neidhart for a powerslam on Tully and then it’s off to Dynamite. Arn slows him down and brings in Uno who brings in Zhukov. Powers gets the tag and backdrops Boris, but Zhukov rolls through a crossbody for the pin out of nowhere to eliminate Powers and the Stallions.

It’s 4-4 now and Shawn comes in with a fist drop for two on Boris. Barbarian comes in and Tully gets tagged in. Tully realizes who he’s facing so he immediately tags in Nikolai without making a single bit of contact. Ax pounds away on Barbarian with current champion taking over. Off to Nikolai again with nothing of note going on. Shawn comes in to face Zhukov and makes a blind tag to Marty, who sunset flips Boris out of nowhere for the elimination.

Marty rolls up Dos for dos and it’s off to Uno for a BIG backdrop. Ax vs. Marty now as Ax takes over and brings in Arn. Davey gets the tag as does Tully and Blanchard is scared to come in again. I’m not sure why as he whips Marty into the corner and Jannetty is turned upside down. Smash comes in and puts on a front facelock but he tags off to Dos. It’s downhill for Demolition’s team now as the Harts pick apart both Conquistadores, including hitting something similar to the Demolition Decapitator on Uno. Amazingly enough that only gets two.

Shawn dropkicks Uno down and it’s off to Marty with another dropkick for two. Dynamite comes in and there’s the snap suplex. A middle rope kneedrop gets two and Jesse is impressed by Uno’s toughness. Back to Barbarian with a powerslam and a fist drop but he headbutts Uno into the wrong corner and it’s off to Tully. On Bobby’s advice, Tully goes right for the eyes and takes over.

Demolition double teams Barbarian and it’s off to a chinlock from Smash. Uno comes back in and is carried to the corner by Barbarian, but Ax makes the save and puts the chinlock on again. The Brainbusters come in for some offense but Arn puts his head down and gets kicked in the face. Off to Jannetty with a jumping back elbow and it’s time for Anvil. Neidhart immediately does the same thing Anderson did and gets kicked in the face as well.

Blanchard can’t suplex Neidhart and it’s off to Bret. Can we watch these two for 20 minutes or so? Bret pounds away in the corner and the Canadian tries a German on the American, but Blanchard gets his shoulder up and Bret is pinned. It’s now Demolition, Los Conquistadores and the Brainbusters vs. the Powers of Pain, the British Bulldogs and the Rockers. The Bulldogs beat up Tully and it’s off to Shawn. The Busters double team Shawn, drawing in Marty for a four man brawl. Both referees come in and both teams are disqualified and eliminated. It’s down to two teams apiece.

The four eliminated guys brawl to the back as Smash puts a chinlock on Dynamite. Off to Dos with a knee to the ribs, followed by Uno with a top rope forearm. Uno misses a kind of Swanton and it’s off to Warlord with a gutwrench slam. Barbarian comes in with the Kick of Fear followed by the delayed vertical suplex from Davey. Ax comes in for a power showdown with Davey.

Dynamite comes in and clotheslines Ax down before bringing in Davey to hit the gorilla press and powerslam on Dos. Barbarian hits a backbreaker to knock Dos into the corner for another tag, this time to Ax again. The Conquistadores take over on Barbie which isn’t something you say all that often. Dynamite gets a tag because Barbarian only has to fight off Uno.

Warlord gets a quick tag in and drops a leg but doesn’t cover, much to Jesse and Gorilla’s dismay. Dynamite comes in and ducks his head, allowing Uno to tag out AGAIN. Smash charges into a boot and there’s the snap suplex. The Swan Dive misses and a basic clothesline pins Dynamite, getting us down to three teams. That would be it for the Bulldogs as a team in America, mainly due to the medical issues of Dynamite and those fights with the Rougeaus I mentioned. Smash and both masked dudes work over Barbarian in the corner but he easily powers over to Warlord.

Warlord misses a charge and hits the post shoulder first and it’s time for Ax to pound away. Off to Smash who stays on the arm as Fuji gets on the apron. Off to Dos and then Uno with a top rope shot to the shoulder. Fuji is back on the floor now and Ax is in, cranking on the arm some more.

Fuji gets back on the apron and Warlord makes a comeback, only to be clotheslined down again by Smash. Fuji pulls down the top rope as Smash hits the ropes, sending him out to the floor. Remember that Fuji is Demolition’s manager. Demolition gets counted out and we’re down to one team apiece. Ax goes off on Fuji and Fuji hits him with the cane, only to get laid out with a slam.

Demolition leaves Fuji laying as we’ve got the Powers of Pain vs. Los Conquistadores left. They have a standoff until the Powers go out and help Fuji to his feet. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the ultra rare double turn. Back in the ring, Dos comes in to pound on Barbarian and it’s off to Uno. Fuji trips Uno and a headbutt from Barbarian gets the pin to win the match.

Rating: A. What a great match this was. It had EVERY tag team you could want to see in one match as well as a major move at the end with Demolition turning face. You had mini-stories in the match itself which is always a nice touch, with teams having short matches against each other. Also this was about five minutes shorter than the one last year which helped it tremendously. Great match and the 42 minutes that it runs flew by.

The Powers put Fuji on their shoulders post match. Demolition runs in and cleans house.

Bad News says he’s a loner no matter what and that he wants the world title.

Warrior says he can’t breathe properly because of the power stuffed down his throat.

Fuji says he made Demolition and now he’s going to break them.

Heenan says his team will win.

The Mega Powers are ready and Hogan wants Bossman.

Team Jake Roberts vs. Team Andre the Giant

Jake Roberts, Ken Patera, Jim Duggan, Scott Casey, Tito Santana

Andre the Giant, Rick Rude, Dino Bravo, Mr. Perfect, Harley Race

Casey is a jobber who is here because B. Brian Blair left the company. Blair was on the team because JYD left, so Casey is the third string guy. Rude and Patera start things off. This would be around the time when Gorilla suggested that Patera retire because he wasn’t any good anymore, so you can tell what kind of stuff we’re about to get. Rude gets thrown around a bit and it’s off to Bravo, as Gorilla implies Patera made him retire. Now there’s a trivia answer for….somebody I guess.

Bravo bangs on Patera a bit before it’s off to Perfect (called Curt Hennig as well here) with a double ax off the top. Patera shrugs it off and drags Hennig over to hand him off to Roberts. Jake works on the arm as he was known to do before bringing in Santana. Tito and Hennig have as good of a match as you would expect them to have with Tito getting the better of it, only to miss a charge in the corner. Hennig elbows him down and it’s off to Bravo again. Talk about bringing the talent level down.

Off to Roberts who hits Bravo once and then brings in Casey to really cripple the level. A monkey flip doesn’t work for him and now he gets his first real opponent on PPV: Harley Race. Race beats up Casey like he’s a grizzled veteran who is here because his investment went south and he’s working for the guy who caused him to lose all his money and is now beating up some jobber who got a spot on a major show because there was no one else available.

Rude comes in again and it’s time for everyone to get their shots in on Casey. This has to be some kind of initiation or something. Hennig headbutts him and hurts himself in the process. Back to Tito as the match gets a lot better all of a sudden. Did I mention I really like Santana? Patera helps with a double elbow to Perfect and it’s off to Duggan to fire up the crowd again. Hennig tries various things to Duggan’s head which don’t work at all. See, when Duggan does it he follows up. When Casey does it, he doesn’t do anything. One is a legend, the other is never heard of again.

Off to Casey again for some contractually obligated reason more than likely and he’s immediately drilled by Rude which makes my day better. Casey misses a charge and it’s off to Tito with a cross body. Duggan beats up Hennig as well but he misses an elbow. Duggan and Henig hit heads and it’s off to Rude vs. Patera. Patera throws Rude around but misses a charge and gets Awakened for the first elimination.

Casey tries to come in and jump Rude, only to be sent into the heel corner and beaten up even worse than before. Off to Race who hits a good old man dropkick before bringing Bravo back in. Side slam hits and it’s 5-3. See you later Casey, have fun training that Booker T guy. It’s back to the bread and butter of this match with Perfect vs. Tito…the latter of whom immediately tags out and brings Duggan back in. Ok then.

Hennig kicks Duggan in the face which he sells for some reason, but the punches that follow aren’t sold and Duggan gets all fired up. Duggan, ever the lunkhead though, gets fired up near Andre who chokes him down immediately. Back to Hennig for a second and then Rude comes in for his offensive contribution. Duggan finally clotheslines Rick down and it’s a double tag for Tito and Race.

Since Race is a genius, he moves aside of a charging Tito and slams Tito’s head into Andre’s. Well that’s one thing he’s good for. Dino comes in again but misses a charge into the corner and gets sunset flipped for two. Back to Race for the piledriver for two and he whips Tito in, only to get forearmed out of nowhere for the quick elimination, making it 4-3. Andre climbs in, grabs Tito, chokes him a bit and sits on his chest. For reasons that no one could figure out, Tito tries a freaking sunset flip. Pain immediately comes to his chest and Andre makes it 4-2 (Andre, Dino, Rude, Hennig vs. Duggan and Roberts).

Duggan comes in and clotheslines Andre into the ropes, where he and Jake both get in some open shots on the Giant. Jake chokes away but Andre gets his arms free. Andre, being a smart giant, tags out after getting beaten up that badly and brings in Rude. Rude whips Jake into the buckle a few times as we hear about the Cheryl Roberts story. Off to Hennig with some chops and Andre kicks a bit from the apron because that’s what evil giants do.

Hennig slingshots Duggan throat first into the bottom rope so Andre can choke a bit more. Off to Bravo who gets beaten on by a suddenly fired up Roberts. The short clothesline looks to set up the DDT but Rude leans in to break it up. Rick comes in legally now and stomps away like he’s still in Memphis, which means very slowly with a lot of playing to the crowd in between.

Dino piledrives Jake for two but an elbow drop misses and here’s Hacksaw again. Duggan sends him into the corner and literally throws him out before clotheslining him down. The Three Point Clothesline is loaded up but Frenchy Martin, Bravo’s manager, hooks Duggan’s foot. Bravo slams Duggan on the floor so Duggan hits Bravo with the 2×4 for the DQ, leaving Roberts alone 3-1. Bravo manages to get a tag to Hennig before Jake can pin him so Roberts punches Perfect instead.

The DDT is loaded up but Perfect makes the corner and it’s off to Dino again. Jake, likely drunk, tries a test of strength with a guy billed as the world’s strongest man. When that doesn’t work Jake tries another DDT but is backdropped this time instead. Back to Rude and Jake heads to the floor to think. Well he is considered a master of psychology so thinking is what he does. That and cocaine.

Back in and Rude takes over again, hitting a gutbuster on the Snake. Would that even hurt a snake? Off to a bearhug but Jake quickly thumbs him in the eye. Rude hits a top rope punch and swivels the hips a bit, only to have his tights pulled down and DDTed for the elimination. Andre comes in and hammers Jake before choking him in the corner….for a DQ. It’s two on one which means nothing as Hennig immediately covers Jake for the pin and the final elimination.

Rating: C-. The lower half of this match being pretty weak really hurts it. Other than Jake, Andre and Duggan, at this point most of these guys didn’t mean much. Rude was on his way up but he was still a glorified midcard guy here. Just not a very interesting match and it definitely didn’t need to go half an hour.

Jake puts the snake in post match but Andre is gone before it can get to him.

Andre says he said he would win and he did. He is NOT afraid of snakes though.

Jake says that he’ll take care of business with Damien. Next year, he’ll get his revenge.

The Twin Towers’ team is all ready.

Team Mega Powers vs. Team Twin Towers

Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Koko B. Ware, Hillbilly Jim, Hercules

Big Bossman, Akeem, Ted DiBiase, Red Rooster, Haku

Savage is world champion and this is based on a tag team feud which would be blown off in a huge live match on February 3. Hogan comes out to his own theme music after his partners all used Savage’s. This is actually a plot point as the Mega Powers would explode because Savage thought Hogan was taking his spotlight. It’s a Wrestlemania rematch with Savage vs. DiBiase to start things off.

They knock each other down with DiBaise taking over in the corner. The champ comes back with right hands and a clothesline. Off to Hercules who is feuding with DiBiase as Ted had called Hercules a slave, prompting a face turn. Instead Herc gets the Red Rooster who doesn’t do well at all, which is the idea. Heenan said he could take anyone, even Rooster, to the top. Off to Koko who gets in a shot to Ware and it’s off to Akeem (One Man Gang).

Haku comes in with a chop but misses a legdrop and it’s back to Herc. I’m not sure why when you have Hogan and Savage on the apron but whatever. Now it’s off to Hogan and the place erupts. He takes Haku down and drops some elbows before bringing Hillbilly in for a quick main event opportunity. Akeem comes in and runs Jim over before bringing Rooster in. Even Gorilla found that stupid. Jim doesn’t do much to Rooster so here’s Koko instead.

Rooster rams Koko’s head into the buckle, but see, Koko is black so it doesn’t hurt. A missile dropkick gets two on Red and it’s off to Hogan. The big boot sets up Savage’s elbow and it’s 5-4. Hogan’s team has a massive in ring celebration while Bossman’s team hits the floor. Heenan rips into Rooster as we get Savage vs. Haku. Haku chokes on the ropes but Hogan makes a blind tag and, brace yourselves, actually loses a slugout!

Haku hits a nice dropkick but gets slammed down and it’s off to Herc. A suplex puts Hercules down and it’s off to Akeem. A splash misses and it’s off to Hillbilly who fires away with all he’s got. Jim’s big boot doesn’t take Akeem down and a clothesline floors Jim. The 747 (big splash) gets the pin and we’re tied up. Koko comes in and dropkicks Akeem in the back before wisely bringing in Hogan to do the heavy lifting.

Back to the world champ with a double ax to the head but they can’t knock Akeem down. Hercules pounds away a bit as does Koko with a dropkick only sending Akeem into the corner. Akeem shrugs it off and hits Koko once to take over. Off to Boss Man who hits his namesake slam to make it 4-3. It’s Hogan in now and this is the match everyone has been wanting to see.

Hogan pounds him into the corner and everyone left on Hogan’s team (Hogan, Savage, Hercules vs. Bossman, Akeem, DiBiase, Haku) gets in a shot. Hogan easily slams the then bigger Boss Man but he charges into a spinebuster. That looked really good too. Back to Akeem and the big men hit a double elbow to take Hulk down. Off to Haku who gets in some shots to the neck before tagging in Boss Man. I wonder why they’ve gone so long since having DiBiase in there.

Naturally as I say that he comes in and clotheslines Hogan down. A falling punch gets two but Hogan Hulks Up. Off to Hercules for some revenge and some hard clotheslines and punches. Virgil trips him up though and a school boy eliminates Hercules. It’s now 4-2 but Savage charges in and rolls up DiBiase to pin him within about ten seconds.

Haku comes in again but misses a headbutt, allowing Hogan to get the tag. Something like a superkick takes Hulk down and it’s back to Boss Man for some headbutts tot he back. Akeem comes in for his usual shots before it’s back to Haku again, who suplexes Hulk for two. It’s nerve hold time followed by the Boss Man Slam for no cover. Instead Boss Man goes up and misses a splash.

The hot tag brings in Savage who cleans house. Slick trips Randy up and things slow down again. Boss Man puts on a bearhug as Slick goes after Liz, grabbing her by the arm. Hulk makes the save and DRILLS Slick with a right hand. The Towers go to handcuff Hogan to the rope but Boss Man gets counted out in the process. Boss Man beats on Hogan with the nightstick and then goes to beat on Savage. Akeem helps with that, drawing a DQ for himself and getting us down to Hogan and Savage vs. Haku.

Hogan is still cuffed to the rope though so it’s basically a one on one match. Haku beats on Savage as the camera is on the Towers leaving. Slick has the keys and is taunting Hogan with them. Savage holds the rope and avoids a kick but there’s no Hogan to tag. Haku accidentally superkicks Slick and Liz raids his pocket to get the key. Hogan is freed and Haku hits a top rope splash for two. Hot tag to Hogan and since it’s 1988, you can fill in the ending for yourself.

Rating: C+. While not great, this was better than the previous match to be sure. This would be part of the Mega Powers Exploding, as Savage would be jealous of Hogan for getting the glory and not being there for him earlier in the match. It’s no classic or anything, but 80s Hogan is always fun.

Liz hugs Hogan post match and you can see Savage getting madder and madder. See, the key to the old feuds is you see the things happen and THEN you get the turn, rather than getting the turn and then the explanation. In other words, it wasn’t all about shock.

Overall Rating: B. It’s definitely not as good as last year’s, but in this case you should check out the full version instead of the clipped one, because the clipped one shaves off like an hour of it and the interviews are different as well. The matches are much more hit and miss here, but thankfully they’ll tweak things a bit next year by going with four man teams and shorter matches, which does a lot of good for the pacing of the show. Also, did we really need guys like Koko B. Ware and Red Rooster in the main event? Really? Anyway, not a terrible show (the clipped version is a terrible tape) but certainly not as good as last year’s.

Ratings Comparison

Team Ultimate Warrior vs. Team Honky Tonk Man

Original: D

Redo: C

Team Demolition vs. Team Powers of Pain

Original: A

Redo: A

Team Jake Roberts vs. Team Andre the Giant

Original: F

Redo: C-

Team Mega Powers vs. Team Twin Towers

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: D+

Redo: B

I’ve heard of getting better with age but this is a big change. I guess I’ve really grown to appreciate late 80s WWF more than I thought.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/07/history-of-surivor-series-count-up-1988-more-clips-than-my-last-haircut/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NPPH0WI

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Survivor Series Count-Up – 1987: Starting At The Top

Back in the 80s, PPV didn’t mean nearly as much as it did today. Until November of 1987, there was only one WWF PPV a year and that was Wrestlemania. Wrestlemania 3 was a huge success and it was clear that Wrestlemania 4 would be big too. Finally it dawned on them: why not do more of these things? Combine that with the idea of getting to air the show at the same time as Jim Crockett’s (basically the NWA owner at that point) Starrcade to screw them over (Vince told the cable companies either carry Survivor Series or you don’t get to carry Wrestlemania), there was no reason to not go with it.

That being said, they needed an idea. Earlier in the year, the WWF had run a few house shows with elimination tag matches as the main event. These shows were huge successes, so why not run a full card of them? Headlined by Team Hogan vs. Team Andre in Andre’s first match since Wrestlemania when he lost to Hogan, plus three other matches headlined by big feuds, you had a solid card all set. Let’s get to it.

Survivor Series 1987
Date: November 26, 1987
Location: Richfield Coliseum, Richfield, Ohio
Attendance: 21,300
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura

So we’re here in Richfield, just outside of Cleveland, where the first two of these shows would take place. There are four matches on the card tonight but none of them compare to the main event which has Andre vs. Hogan. The idea is that it gives Andre a chance for revenge and a chance for Hogan to prove that his initial win wasn’t a fluke. This was still the money match in the company so it’s a huge deal. Let’s get to it.

The Fink introduces Jesse and Gorilla which is something you don’t often see anymore.

After a highlight package we’re ready to go.

Gorilla and Jess talk about the whole card, all four matches on it. They also explain the rules, which I’m sure most of you are familiar with. We have ten man (or woman or team) tag team matches and it’s standard elimination rules, meaning you can be out via pin, submission, countout or DQ. Also you can be put out via a referee’s discretion due to injury but that never actually happens as far as I remember.

Team Honky (there’s a name you could never get away with today) is ready for Team Savage and Honky says he’ll shake rattle and roll Elizabeth. He’s already shoved her down which is a big deal as Liz was like the ultimate untouchable woman.

Team Honky Tonk Man vs. Team Randy Savage

Honky Tonk Man, Harley Race, Ron Bass, Danny Davis, Hercules

Randy Savage, Jim Duggan, Ricky Steamboat, Jake Roberts, Brutus Beefcake

Honky doesn’t have Cool Cocky bad as his theme music yet which is a shame. It’s amazing how great the music got in the late 80s. After the heel entrances, Team Savage says they’re here to settle scores. This was a different time as almost all of the faces were friends by default as were the heels just because they were faces and heels. The feuds going into this are Honky vs. Savage and Race vs. Duggan. Other than that the guys are just random midcarders who are faces or heels on a team, which is a pretty cool idea.

The place erupts for Savage’s entrance. Even Jesse couldn’t deny how great Randy was and was a huge fan in his own right. It was clear they had to do something with him soon, and they certainly did soon enough. In the answer to a trivia question, it’s Beefcake vs. Hercules starting the first Survivor Series match ever. Beefcake struts a bit and not much goes on for the first 20 seconds or so.

Hercules (guess what he’s known for) runs Beefcake over but walks into Barber’s sleeper but he falls into his corner to tag in Davis, one of the lowest lever guys you’ll ever find who somehow wasn’t a jobber. He’s a wrestling referee. Seriously, that’s the extent of his gimmick. He’s a referee who cheated a lot and got fired. Savage and Steamboat (who are apparently fine after wanting to kill each other about eight months ago) take turns on Davis but Steamboat misses a charge and it’s off to Race, the current King of the WWF.

Steamboat chops Race in the head and man alive how amazing would those two be able to be in a long old school program? Steamboat skins the cat (I’ve asked this many times, but is that really the best name they could come up with for that? I mean, skinning a cat?) and sends Race to the floor before bringing in Duggan to pound away on Race, knocking him to the floor. Hacksaw heads out with him and they brawl to a double countout, making it 4-4.

Bass (a standard old school cowboy) comes in to face Roberts but it’s quickly off to Savage. A knee sends Bass into the corner and Savage is starting to roll very fast. Savage immediately goes after Honky due to the really bad blood between the two of them and it’s lets Bass get in a shot. Off to the IC Champion (Honky) who gets in some cheap shots but like any good heel, he tags out when Savage starts coming back.

Bass comes in again but a blind tag brings in Barber (Beefcake for you younguns) who hits a high knee for the elimination. Hercules comes in and the bad guys start working over Beefcake’s arm. Off to Honky with an armbar and then right back to Herc. Wisely they’re keeping that schmuck Danny Davis out of there. I guess he’s there because he works for Jimmy Hart but other than that there’s no logical reason for him to be there.

Beefcake tries to punch his way out of trouble but Honky stays on the arm. To say Honky wasn’t much on offense is an understatement as he barely looks to be cranking on the hold at all. Beefcake fights out of the hold but won’t tag because he’s kind of dumb. Davis adds the only thing he’s going to add the whole match and knees Beefcake in the back so that Honky can hit the Shake Rattle and Roll (swinging neckbreaker) for the pin on Beefcake to tie us up at three.

Off to Savage vs. Hercules with the power guy taking over. Davis comes in and things suddenly go downhill for Honky’s team. Yeah, a referee beating on Randy Savage doesn’t work. Who would have guessed? Honky comes in and gets elbowed in the head which lets Savage tag in Jake to pound away. The comeback doesn’t last long though as Jake charges into a boot in the corner and it’s off to Herc. That goes nowhere so here’s Davis and since his offense sucks (BECAUSE HE’S A REFEREE) Jake shrugs it all off and DDTs him to death, making it 3-2 (Savage/Steamboat/Roberts vs. Hercules/Honky).

Herc comes in and takes Jake down and Savage tries to come in for a save, which just allows the heels to double team Jake. Savage isn’t thinking here because of his anger, almost like…..a savage. Oh you’re very clever WWF. Honky hooks a chinlock and Hercules comes in to do the same. Jake hits a jawbreaker to escape and there’s the hot tag to Steamboat who cleans house with chops.

A top rope chop has Herc reeling and it’s off to Savage for the elbow. It’s just Honky left and Savage explodes on him, only to miss another charge (third one for Savage’s team) and let Honky get in some offense. That lasts all of six seconds as the beating continues. Jake comes in and pounds away on him, followed by Savage dropping a double ax. An atomic drop sends Honky to the floor and he’s like screw this and takes the countout. Can you blame him?

Rating: B. This was a really fun match with a good story to it. The fans HATED Honky and the idea of getting him caught at the end with no one to defend him had the fans going nuts. Honky vs. Savage was a great feud but it never had a blowoff due to a bunch of backstage stuff. Honky would somehow hold the title nine more months before perhaps the greatest end to a title run ever at Summerslam. This was a great choice for a first match ever for the concept too as it showed how the idea worked and gave the fans something to cheer about too. Really good stuff.

Heenan and Team Andre can’t wait to get their hands on Hogan. We get a clip from the controversial cover at Wrestlemania 3, which when you look at it, Heenan has a point: the referee wouldn’t have been able to see Hogan’s shoulder get up. The point of this is Hogan is going to be caught against all these monsters and then it’s going to be Andre vs. Hogan and Andre will kill him.

Team Fabulous Moolah vs. Team Sensational Sherri

Fabulous Moolah, Jumping Bomb Angels, Velvet McIntyre, Rockin Robin

Sensational Sherri, Glamour Girls, Dawn Marie, Donna Christianello

Sherri recently took the Women’s Title from Moolah who is certainly on the decline in her career. To be fair she’s 64 years old here and had been champion earlier in the year. The Angels are the kind of a team that would blow have blown up the internet if it had existed back then. They were awesome high fliers and I’ve never seen women like them since. Sherri and Velvet start us off as Jesse talks about being in The Running Man.

Sherri beats on Velvet but a cross body puts her down and it’s off to Moolah. Moolah literally pulls in Christianello and it’s off to a Bomb Angel who comes in with a slingshot kick. Back to Velvet as these girls are tagging in and out fast. Velvet gets a quick victory roll on Donna to eliminate her. She was just filling in a spot so that’s a good elimination to get out of the way. Judy Martin of the Glamour Girls (the Women’s Tag Champions. The titles didn’t last long) comes in followed quickly by Dawn Marie (this one is old. The more famous one would be in high school still at this point) who does nothing of note.

Martin is back in vs. Robin, the half sister of Jake Roberts, but it’s quickly back to Marie who is another filler on the team. Robin quick cross bodies her for the pin and it’s 5-3. It’s Kai vs. Izuki now with Izuki flying all over the place before Matrixing out of a cover. Jesse sounds amazed by her and rightfully so given what women’s wrestling was like at this time. A Sin Cara style armdrag takes Kai down and it’s off to Sherri who gets beaten up as well before it’s off to Robin again.

Robin tries a monkey flip out of the corner but the now legal Martin lands on her. The champ (Sherri in this case) comes in with a quick suplex to put Robin out and get us down to 4-3. Izuki comes in and things speed up again. Martin back in and she spins Izuki around by the hair. FREAKING OW MAN! Off to Moolah who hits a better monkey flip than Robin before getting elbowed down by Martin for two.

Off to the Angel that isn’t Izuki vs. Kai but Non-Izuki misses a dropkick. Moolah literally gets dragged into the ring and starts her very old school slow paced offense. Sherri cheats with Martin on a double clothesline to eliminate Moolah and it’s tied at 3-3. Off to Izuki vs. Martin before it’s quickly back to Non-Izuki. Jesse is thrilled with the idea of all the cheating you could do in this match. Velvet puts on a Boston Crab before shifting to a surfboard. McIntyre pulls Sherri in and Sensational hits a kind of gutwrench suplex which drives Velvet’s neck into the mat and I think somewhat legit hurting her back.

Izuki comes in for a few seconds before it’s back to Velvet and Sherri with Velvet hooking a giant swing. Velvet grabs a victory roll for a quick pin and she looks like she’s in agony. She could barely cradle Sherri’s legs. Off to Izuki as Velvet can’t even stand on the apron. Izuki tries to suplex Martin but she’s just too fat. The third attempt finally works but it only gets two. Izuki hooks a body scissors but gets countered into a slingshot. It’s right into her corner and Velvet comes in, only to get caught in an electric chair drop for the pin.

It’s down to the Glamour Girls vs. the Jumping Bomb Angels and the Angels take over very quickly, with Izuki slingshotting Martin onto Kai. Kai kicks Non-Izuki in the back but misses a splash. Izuki hits a top rope crossbody and it’s down to 2-1. Martin comes in and hits something like Wasteland on Izuki for two. Non-Izuki comes in with a top rope knee and things speed up. Jimmy Hart gets dropkicked and a top rope clothesline by Non-Izuki gets the final pin.

Rating: C+. While it wasn’t as good as the opener, this was still pretty solid stuff. The Angels were AWESOME for their time and were still good by today’s standards. This would set up a title match at the first Royal Rumble with the Angels taking the titles. One important difference between today’s women and this generations: these girls were wrestlers who happened to be female. Today the Divas come off as female wrestlers if that makes sense.

Most of Team Hart Foundation says they’re not worried about Team Strike Force. Jimmy Hart pops in and is all messed up after getting dropped.

The Bolsheviks do the Russian National Anthem deal.

Strike Force and company are ready as well.

Team Hart Foundation vs. Team Strike Force

Hart Foundation, Bolsheviks, Demolition, Dream Team, Islanders

Strike Force, British Bulldogs, Killer Bees, Young Stallions, Fabulous Rougeaus

The rules here are that if one member of a team is eliminated, both members are out so it’s still just five eliminations needed. Strike Force recently stunned the Harts for the titles. I think you should know every team here. The Dream Team is Greg Valentine and Dino Bravo and the Stallions are Jim Powers and Paul Roma. I’m a big Strike Force fan so it’s good to see the fans pop loudly for them.

I’ve seen this show many times as it was one of my favorite tapes but I’ve never figured something out: for this and the main event, the lights are turned down. Why would that be the case? It’s clearly darker in the arena now and it’s not a dome with sunlight coming in or anything. I’ve never gotten that. Volkoff and Martel start things off. There are so many people on the apron that you can’t see most of the ring from a standard camera shot.

Volkoff powers him down to start before bringing in Zhukov. Since Zhukov is pretty much worthless, Martel beats him up and brings in Santana for the forearm out of nowhere for the quick pin. Santana’s reward for the pin: he gets to fight Ax. Ax does his pounding but knocks Tito into the corner and it’s off to Jacques Rougeau who speeds things up with a jumping back elbow to take over.

Dino Bravo comes in and the good guys start speeding up their tags. I’m sorry for all of the play by play in this but when you have 18 guys in a match there isn’t much room for analysis or anything else. After Bravo gets beaten up by about five different guys we wind up with Smash vs. Dynamite and the Bulldog (Dynamite) gets caught in the heel corner. Well actually it would be the heel side of the ring because they don’t all fit in one corner but corner sounds better.

Off to Haku and they chop it out before Dynamite tags in a Killer Bee who tags in the other Killer Bee. Neidhart comes in and gets his legs stretched by Brunzell and Roma. Back to Smash and then Ax who beat on the (somehow) future Horseman. I’m not listing a lot of the tags as there are probably five of them a minute and there’s no point in listing off stuff like “Ax comes in and hits Roma once before tagging back out.”

Roma tags in Powers who gets beaten down just as fast as Roma did, so it’s off to Jacques again. Not that it matters much as Jacques misses a cross body and Smash gets a quick pin. That’s good as we’re now down to sixteen guys left in the match. Off to Dynamite vs. Tama but Powers comes in, only to hesitate and gets his head taken off by a clothesline. Neidhart comes in and puts him in an over the shoulder powerbomb position as Haku drops a double ax (is there a single ax?) to the chest.

Off to Roman who gets beaten up by Ax and then Valentine. The Stallions are jobbers for all intents and purposes but they were great at selling so there was a point to having them around. Bravo comes in and hits a gutwrench suplex for two. Roma crawls over and brings in a Killer Bee who tags out to Dynamite almost immediately to face Smash. Smash fires off something similar to Sheamus’ ten forearms but shoves the referee, drawing the DQ to knock out Demolition. Notice that they kept Demolition VERY strong here and didn’t let them get pinned.

Bret immediately comes in and piledrives Dynamite for only two. Jesse immediately starts singing Bret’s praises as he was known to do. Bret misses a charge and hits the post shoulder first and it’s off to Powers again to face Tama. Tama misses a Vader Bomb and there’s the tag to Martel. Rick cleans house but when he puts the Boston Crab on he’s too close to the ropes and Neidhart gets a tag.

Rick gets away enough to bring in Santana who hits the forearm almost immediately for two. The saving shot to the back of Santana’s head by Bret is enough for Neidhart to get a pin and eliminate the champions. To recap, we have the Harts, the Dream Team and the Islanders vs. the Bulldogs, the Stallions and the Bees. At least now things can slow down a lot. Haku hits a HIGH dropkick on Powers as Jesse talks about his great great grandfather coming over on the Mayflower.

Valentine comes in and does Arn Anderson’s jump in the air and get crotched spot. Anvil (Neidhart for you schmucks out there) comes in and hot shots Powers followed by a superkick from Haku. Off to Valentine who has his suplex countered but still blocks the tag by bringing in Hitman. Bret suplexes Powers but Roma is still able to get the tag somehow. Back to Valentine who comes off the middle rope with a shot to the back for two.

In something you rarely see, Bret whips Roma into the ropes and knocks Valentine off the apron. Bret misses a dropkick and there’s the tag to Dynamite. A belly to back gets two for the Kid and it’s off to Roma which is a pretty questionable move given the beating he’s taken. Off to Haku vs. Blair as Roma was only in for a few seconds. Davey comes in and it’s power vs. power. Make that power vs. Powers but Jim misses a corner charge and Haku tags Anvil.

Powers dives away from Bret and it’s time for Davey Boy vs. Bret in a Summerslam 92 preview. Davey uses a perfect gorilla press on Hart and hits the powerslam for two on Haku. Dynamite tries a middle rope headbutt (notice all the similarities between Dynamite and Benoit. Benoit basically cloned himself after Dynamite) on Haku but knocks himself silly, allowing Haku to superkick him for the elimination.

It’s 3-2 now and Roma immediately charges in with a dropkick for two. Off to Bravo who misses an elbow and it’s off to Powers. Why won’t they tag the Bees already? Valentine Hammers away on Powers as do both Harts. Valentine comes in for a second before handing it off to Bravo again. Dino hits his side suplex but tags off to Valentine for the Figure Four, which is countered by a kick to the back. Off to Roma who sunset flips Valentine off the top to make it 2-2 (Stallions/Bees vs. Islanders/Harts).

The Bees double team Anvil in a match that by their own words probably happened 300 times over the years. Brunzell hits a high knee to the face for two and it’s off to Bret who does about as well. Tama comes in and takes out Roma and it’s off to Haku. Haku misses a legdrop and it’s back to Brunzell. Brunzell hiptosses him into the heel corner for some reason and Bret comes back in. Roma gets two off a middle rope fist but Hart comes right back with a belly to back suplex.

The Islanders hit a double headbutt and this referee counts SLOW. Haku pounds on Roma and hits a dropkick which is rather impressive for a guy his size. It’s not quite as impressive as Anvil doing a dropkick of his own (literally 2 seconds after Monsoon says he’d like to see Neidhart try one) though. Bret comes back in and Roma slides between Bret’s legs and tags in Brunzell.

Brunzell tries to slam Hart but Tama dropkicks Bret’s back. Brunzell rolls through and gets a fast pin to eliminate the Harts and get us down to 2-1. Tama hooks a nerve hold on Brunzell followed by a shoulderbreaker from Haku. That gets two so Haku puts on a nerve hold of his own. Now Tama puts on ANOTHER nerve hold. To be fair we’re over half an hour into this so the guys are likely getting tired.

Brunzell tries a sunset flip but there’s no strength in it at all and he only gets two. He FINALLY gets a tag off to Powers who tags in Roma for a powerslam for two. Things start to break down a bit and the Bees being in the ring allow the Islanders to double team Roma a bit. Roma escapes enough to tag Blair but Tama kicks him before Blair can even get in. Tama misses an elbow and it’s off to Brunzell again for some reason. He can barely get Tama over for a backdrop but the signature dropkick gets two. Everything breaks down and Blair puts on his mask (it was a thing the Bees did to cheat) and sunset flips Tama for the pin.

Rating: C-. This match just kept going on and on and it was kind of exhausting to sit through. It runs nearly forty minutes and by the end there were no combinations we hadn’t seen already. You could easily cut out fifteen minutes of this match and it would have improved greatly. If you like tag wrestling, find a copy of this NOW but otherwise be ready to fast forward a lot. It’s not a bad match or anything but man alive is it long.

We get a clip of Ted Dibiase in his limo, bragging about how he’s going to spend Thanksgiving planning his next move. It takes money to survive, not toughness. We get some highlights of DiBiase humiliating some fans for money, including making a woman get on all four’s and bark like a dog. One of the fans shown here would one day become WWE Champion and is more famously known as Rob Van Dam. We also see DiBiase buying out a pool for the day so he can use it for himself. Alberto Del Rio wishes he could do this a quarter as well as DiBiase can.

Here’s Honky Tonk who now has Cool Cocky Bad. Odd. He says he wasn’t beaten and everyone saw it. He’ll take a challenge from anyone, and that includes Hogan. We’re clearly on intermission here.

Team Andre the Giant vs. Team Hulk Hogan

Andre the Giant, King Kong Bundy, One Man Gang, Butch Reed, Rick Rude

Hulk Hogan, Bam Bam Bigelow, Don Muraco, Ken Patera, Paul Orndorff

After Andre’s team comes out, we go to the back for a great late 80s Hogan insane promo. He talks about how hungry all of his team is and apparently he trusts Orndorff again. Muraco is subbing for an injured Billy Graham who would never wrestle again if I remember correctly. To say the place erupts for Hogan is an understatement. Muraco and Rude get things going here. Again there aren’t many feuds going on here other than Hogan vs. Andre. Rude and Orndorff are feuding but other than that I don’t think there were any established programs already.

Rude gets knocked into the corner and quintuple teamed before it’s off to Orndorff for the tag. Paul knocks him around a bit and here’s Hogan to blow the roof off the place again. He drops a bunch of elbows on Rude and here’s Bigelow with a splash for no cover. Bigelow gorilla presses Rude and here’s Patera who never got back to where he was before his jail stint.

Off to Reed who has about as much luck as Rude had earlier. Muraco comes in and dropkicks Reed down as does Orndorff. Paul beats on him for a bit and it’s a double clothesline from Hogan and Orndorff, leading to the big leg and a 5-4 lead for Hogan and company. Andre comes in while Hogan is celebrating, but Joey Marella (Gorilla’s adopted son) says a high five to Patera counted as a tag so the teasing of the crowd continues.

Andre, the Frenchman that he is, thinks Patera is beneath him and tags out to Bundy. Patera clotheslines Bundy down but King tags in Gang to beat on Orndorff. Paul is all like BRING IT ON and punches Gang in the head, only to charge into a knee in the corner to bring him right back down. Off to Rude who gets his own head taken off by a clothesline. It’s been ALL Hulk N Pals so far.

Rude pokes Muraco in the eye and it’s off to Gang, but OMG misses a splash in the corner. Patera gets in and pounds away on Gang even more with right hands and a knee in the corner. Gang goes to the eyes which of course makes Jesse happy. Patera tries to fight back but they clothesline each other and Gang falls on top of him for the pin, making it 4-4. Hogan comes in immediately to take over but quickly brings in Bam Bam for a double big boot.

Bigelow is probably the second most popular guy in the company at this point or third at worst behind only Hogan and Savage. They hit head to head and it’s a double tag to Rude and Orndorff. Paul goes nuts on him but as he loads up the piledriver, Bundy jumps him from behind, giving Rude a quick rollup pin. That would be it for Orndorff in the WWF, at least in major spots.

Bigelow comes in and suplexes Rude down before tagging out to Hogan for a high knee (!). A powerslam from Muraco to take Rude out and it’s Gang, Bundy and Andre vs. Bigelow, Hogan and Muraco. Muraco goes after Bundy’s leg which is pretty good strategy. Granted it doesn’t work but at least it was a good idea. Gang comes in and Muraco can’t slam him because he’s really fat. The splash eliminates Muraco and it’s 3-2.

Gang vs. Bigelow now with Bigelow trying a sunset flip, only to get crushed by the power of fat. Bundy clotheslines Bigelow inside out and Jesse says Hogan is going to run if Bigelow gets eliminated. Gorilla RUNS to Hogan’s defense and Jesse freaks. Gang and Bigelow collide and Hogan looks like he’s about to cry. Andre finally comes in and Bigelow looks TINY compared to him.

Bigelow slides between Andre’s legs and FINALLY it’s Hogan vs. Andre. Hogan pounds away and blocks a headbutt and Andre is in trouble. Hogan decks Bundy and Gang before elbowing Andre in the head. Bundy pulls Hogan to the floor and Hulk has to beat up both of the other monsters. He slams both guys, but he’s outside too long and Hogan is counted out. Hogan, the great sportsman that he is, gets back in anyway and is STUNNED, yes STUNNED I SAY about getting counted out. It takes the referees saying that if Hogan doesn’t leave, his whole team is disqualified.

So it’s Bigelow vs. Andre, Bundy and Gang. Bigelow starts with Bundy and clotheslines him down for two. A shoulder block puts Bundy down again and a headbutt gets two. A dropkick staggers Bundy and the King misses a splash. Bigelow hits his slingshot splash to eliminate Bundy and make it 2-1.

Gang comes in immediately and starts pounding away, hooking something like a front facelock. Bigelow gets rammed into Andre’s boot and Gang goes up. Oh this can’t end well. Gang misses a “splash” and Bigelow pins him to get us down to one on one. Let the pain begin. Andre pounds him down, avoids a charge, fires off a bunch of shoulders to the back, and a kind of single arm butterfly suplex gets the final pin for Andre.

Rating: B-. For a main event, this was perfectly fine. More than anything else, it continues Hogan vs. Andre. They had their first match about eight months ago and something like this needed to happen to extend the feud. That’s the reason for the amount of PPVs going up: you need another place to have major feuds. Andre has now won something in direct competition over Hogan and there’s a reason for a rematch. Maybe on February 5th live on NBC?

Hogan IMMEDIATELY runs out and decks Andre with the belt. Hogan clears the ring and says bring it on, but Heenan motions that Hogan has to sign a contract first. Jesse freaks out as Hogan poses. This is a total jerk move by Hulk as he lost completely fairly and is out here because he can’t accept it. I was a Hulkamaniac as a kid, but Hogan was a horrible sport a lot of the time.

Heenan and Andre say they want Hogan and all Hulk has to do is sign on the dotted line.

Overall Rating: B+. This is a pretty excellent show and a GREAT first entry in the series. However I would certainly suggest going with the home video version instead of the full version as it clips some of the repetitive stuff from the tag match which helps it a lot. It also cuts some promos like the DiBiase thing and makes the show a lot easier to sit through. Still though, good show here and well worth seeing.

In something that I’ll be doing with all of these redos, here are the original ratings and the new ratings. I haven’t looked at these until the end of the redo. In order of airing (just captains listed for the sake of less typing):

Ratings Comparison

Team Randy Savage vs. Team Honky Tonk Man

Original: B+

Redo: B

Team Sherri Martel vs. Team Fabulous Moolah

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Team Hart Foundation vs. Team Strike Force

Original: B

Redo: C-

Team Hogan vs. Team Andre the Giant

Original: B

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: A-

Redo: B+

Apparently I liked most of the matches less and the show a bit less overall but still good marks all around.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/06/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1987-it-all-begins-in-ohio/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NPPH0WI

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:


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Wrestler of the Day – October 23: Jesse Ventura

Today we’re looking at the greatest heel commentator of all time: Jesse Ventura.

Ventura got his start in 1975 but we’ll pick things up on March 14, 1982 in MSG.

Bob Backlund vs. Jesse Ventura

Ventura is more or less a copy of Billy Graham minus the in ring skill and some of the muscle mass. Ivan Putski, a Polish wrestler, is guest referee here for reasons not explained by the commentary. Ventura, nicknamed the Body, shoves Backlund into the corner a few times and poses. Jesse tries to do it again but the champion is too fast for him, tripping up Ventura and sending him to the floor.

Back in and Backlund pounds away on Backlund’s ribs but it doesn’t seem to have much effect. A slap to the back of Backlund only gets a glare from the champion and Jesse is mad. Backlund starts hammering away and drives an elbow into Jesse’s face before cranking on the arm a bit. Ventura finally gets in a shot of his own and takes over, stepping on Backlund’s throat. The champion is sent into the corner and Jesse chokes even more, showing off the variety of offense that he has in his arsenal.

Putski finally pulls the cheating Body off of Bob so Jesse pounds away at the champion’s head. Backlund fights back with some shots to the head before the two of them collide with Jesse falling on top for two. Jesse chokes away even more and gets a very slow count from Putski. Even the usually neutral McMahon is complaining about the speed. Ventura puts Backlund over his shoulder in the Body Breaker (a backbreaker) but Backlund escapes and falls on top for two. Bob escapes a second attempt and rolls up Ventura for a fast count and the pin to retain.

Rating: D. This was a rather uninteresting match which is the problem with most of Backlund’s matches: unless he’s against a top level talent, he isn’t able to bring people up to the next level. The match was boring for the most part with Ventura only choking and Backlund using very basic offense to make his comeback for the pin.

Jesse was a big deal in the AWA so here’s a fairly big match from Turkey Day Turmoil on December 25, 1982.

Jesse Ventura vs. Hulk Hogan

Jesse bails to the floor to start and then bails some more. Back in and Jesse actually takes over by cranking on the arm and punching at the ribs. The arm gets snapped over the top rope and Jesse keeps the pace as slow as possible. Back in and we hit the wristlock again with Jesse pulling Hogan down by the hair like a villain should. The sequence works so well that they do it again and Jesse sits there to pull on the arm. He snaps it across the top rope again before putting on a hammerlock.

Another snap across the top as we’re somehow nine minutes into this. Jesse wraps the arm around the top rope and walks around a lot but Hogan starts shaking. Ventura dives into a bearhug and Hulk rams him into the buckles. Now it’s Jesse’s turn to have his arm wrapped around the ropes and snapped down. A back elbow puts Jesse on the floor and they fight over a chair for the double DQ.

Rating: D. This took its sweet time to get going but Hogan made up for it by doing the same stuff to the arm that Jesse did to him. To be fair though, Ventura was never known for his in ring abilities and this was a good example of why. It wasn’t a good match or anything but Hogan made the people care.

Still in the AWA for Super Sunday 1983.

Jesse Ventura/Blackjack Lanza/Ken Patera vs. High Fliers/Rick Martel

The High Fliers are Greg Gagne and Jim Brunzell and they’re the tag champions. The heels (Ventura’s team) has Heenan managing them. Martel vs. Patera gets us going. Patera tries to draw him into the corner but Martel is BRILLIANT (Gene Okerlund said so) and wants to keep it in the middle. This is power vs. speed and Martel snaps off some armdrags. Martel takes him down and works on, say it with me, the arm.

Off to Brunzell for some fresh arm work and an atomic drop. Back to the arm and it’s off to Ventura, who is called Mr. V. here. Brunzell grabs the arm and it’s off to Gagne who comes off the middle rope onto the arm again. Ventura easily picks him up and carries Gagne to the corner and brings in Lanza. The size difference here is huge but it doesn’t last long as Martel comes in and is a house of fire.

Martel drags Lanza into the corner but does it so slowly that Ventura falls into the ring from reaching so much. Patera comes back in as does Brunzell and the power man pulls the Flier into the corner. Off to Ventura for a bearhug. Things break down and Gagne comes in to beat up everyone. Martel comes in to help and the Heenan Family is in trouble. Gagne puts a sleeper on Patera but Ventrua makes the save.

It settles down with Lanza and Gagne and Lanza drives his knuckles into the side of Gagne’s head ala Sgt. Slaughter in 1991. Ventura comes in and hits a backbreaker for two. Gagne gets the tag to Martel but the referee doesn’t see it. I’ve always loved that sequence for some reason. Off to Patera for the bearhug again and Gagne is in big trouble. Gagne escapes with a kind of Thesz Press and sends Lanza into the corner and makes another hot tag to Martel.

Rick misses a dropkick and it’s back to Patera for a suplex for two as Brunzell makes the save. Lanza interferes to break up a potential hot tag and comes in legally, only to get kicked in the face so we can get the actual hot tag to Brunzell. He hits his signature dropkick and puts on a Figure Four, called an Indian Deathlock. Everything breaks down and Heenan gets up on the apron, only to get knocked back down again.

Things settle down again and it’s Brunzell backdropping Patera to set up another Deathlock attempt. Patera breaks it up and everything breaks down again. Somewhere in there Patera pins Brunzell as it’s possible that there was a foreign object sent in there by Heenan when he was on the apron.

Rating: B-. This isn’t something that everyone is going to like but I was getting into it by the end. They had every face in there getting beaten down at different times as well as a lot of hot tags. The fans were staying in this too and it was by far and away the best match of the night so far. The High Fliers were exactly what their name said and it worked pretty well for the most part. Good match here.

Still in the AWA at some point in 1984.

Jesse Ventura/Mr. Saito vs. Baron Von Raschke/Kenny Jay

Saito and Jay start things off but it’s quickly off to Baron vs. Jesse. The Baron drops Ventura ribs first over the top rope so it’s back to Saito for some shots to the ribs. Jay comes in to help his partner and walks into a Russian legsweep from Saito. Jesse drops some elbows on the back of Jay’s head before tying him in the Tree of Woe.

Baron comes over for the ave like the wild man that he is and beats up Saito with ease. He follows up on Jesse by ramming him into the buckle over and over before slapping on his Claw hold. Now it’s Saito making a save and Jesse pops back up to slug away at Baron. There’s the over the shoulder backbreaker with Saito coming in with a top rope chop. Baron is busted open and some other guys come in for the save, drawing a DQ.

Rating: D+. The Baron’s energy made this one a lot better and Jesse was just kind of a background character. The ending made the heels look great though and that’s why you have someone get busted open like this. On top of that they kept things quick here instead of letting it drag like the Hogan match.

Off to the WWF with Jesse appearing on the infamous Black Saturday show.

Jesse Ventura vs. Chris Curtis

We’re in Minneapolis here but Jesse is billed from San Diego. He gets a roar anyway as you would expect. Gene and Gorilla are the commentators. The electronic scoreboard says that there’s a car with its lights on. That’s like something out of a joke for some reason. Jesse yells at a Minnesota Viking in the front row.

We start the match and Jesse wastes time. This was his trademark at the time along with all kinds of colors. Jesse keeps yelling at the football player. Again we know nothing about Jesse other than he wears a lot of colorful stuff. Jesse’s offense is very generic to put it nicely. Curtis gets some offense in but runs into a knee in the corner to end that completely. Body Vice (over the shoulder back breaker submission) is the academic win. Another squash.

Rating: N/A. Just a long squash with no context or anything at all like that. Jesse of course dominated and there was no rhyme or reason to it. Jesse is just some dude that beat up a jobber and we know nothing about what he’s done or currently is doing or anything like that. That seems to be a theme here.

Here he is in MSG on August 24, 1984 in one of Jesse’s biggest feuds.

Jesse Ventura vs. Ivan Putski

Putski jumps Ventura on the entrance and the fans are actually waking up a bit here. Ventura hides on the floor for a bit before going back in, only to be shoved right back to the outside. Ivan hooks a headlock and pounds on Jesse’s head a bit before kicking him to the floor again. Back in (again) and Ivan grabs Jesse by the beard to pound away on him even more. Ventura rolls to the floor again as the stalling continues.

The Body puts a top wristlock on the much shorter Ivan and pulls him to the mat by the hair, meaning we can lay around again! Putski fights up and knocks Jesse to the floor but Ventura gets in a shot on the way back inside. Jesse pulls out some kind of foreign object to choke Ivan but of course doesn’t get caught. Ivan steals it away and clotheslines Jesse with it before choking as well. The referee seems to be fine with this. They head to the apron with Jesse hitting him in the throat and getting back in for a countout win.

Rating: F+. You wouldn’t believe this match was twelve minutes long would you? Jesse was a master at doing absolutely nothing in a match but still getting booed and this was no exception. Putski continues to be one of the most worthless wrestlers I’ve ever seen, as he has nothing of note at all and the match was incredibly boring.

We’ll jump ahead a bit more to March 17, 1985.

Junkyard Dog/Andre the Giant/Jimmy Snuka vs. John Studd/Ken Patera/Jesse Ventura

This is two weeks before Wrestlemania and in MSG. Isn’t that pushing things pretty close together? Dog vs. Patera gets us going and the fans are already into it. Andre is in quickly and the dominance begins. Patera is knocked all over the place and Heenan tries to calm him down. Off to JYD again and Patera can barely stand up. Andre runs Patera off again and it all breaks down pretty quickly.

The heels take over and it’s off to Jesse who uses his usual stuff. In kind of a surprise, Jesse tries to ram Dog’s head into the buckle and it works as well as it always does. Here comes Snuka and the fans go crazy. Jesse gets in a shot though and the heels take over. Studd comes in and Andre wants a piece of him but has to wait a few weeks. Off to a bearhug to Snuka and the heels use the old switcheroo to bring back Patera.

Jesse comes in and we complete the trio of bearhugs. Back to Studd who bearhugs him as well. The place is going to erupt when Andre comes in. Jimmy breaks the hold and tags Andre. I was right about the place erupting. It’s a battle of the giants but Patera breaks up the slam. Studd runs and it’s off to Jesse. Everything breaks down and Snuka splashes Jesse for the pin while Andre runs interference.

Rating: D. Very boring match for the most part but the MSG reactions for Andre and Snuka were just great. Those two could do no wrong back then, which is probably what made the heel turn for Andre work so well. Boring match but a good ending which helped it a little bit. The Superfly Splash is always worth seeing.

From MSG on May 20, 1985.

Jesse Ventura vs. Tony Garea

Jesse takes forever to get ready, taking off his earrings very slowly. They get going and Jesse hits him twice to put him down. Thats more than enough cause for some posing isnt it? Ive heard a lot of people say Jesses in ring stuff isnt that good and I think theyre onto something. Jesse keeps hitting him in the kidneys and then denying it to the referee.

Now Garea hits Jesse in his own kidneys and then grabs a wristlock. Make that an armbar as we up the difficulty. The announcers imply that Jesse stuffs his tights. To make his legs look bigger you sick freaks. Get your minds out of Jesses crotch. Garea is sent into the ropes and Jesse tosses him over, getting Gareas head and neck tied up between them. I know Ive seen this before.

After some brief pounding by Jesse, Garea takes over again with some weak stuff. This match is going WAY longer than is should have already. An abdominal stretch doesnt work but a sunset flip gets two. Garea misses a charge into the corner and Jesse drops a simple elbow for the pin.

Rating: D-. What was the point of this going about 8 minutes again? Nothing to see here and I dont know why this was on there in the first place. Jesse isnt much in the ring but hes had better matches than this Im sure. If not I feel bad for his career. Pretty boring match but the head in the ropes spot looked cool.

Still from the world’s most famous arena on November 13, 1985.

Randy Savage/Jesse Ventura vs. Mario Mancini/Mike Rice

Ventura drives Mancini into the corner for some right hands before it’s off to Savage to start the beatdown. Savage kicks him in the back of the head and pulls Mancini in to stay on the beating. Jesse slams Mancini down and the flying elbow is enough for the pin.

Here’s one of Jesse’s most high profile (and last) matches. From Saturday Night’s Main Event IV.

Jesse Ventura/Roddy Piper/Bob Orton vs. Cousin Luke/Uncle Elmer/Hillbilly Jim

Jim is the most talented of the face hillbilly team. What does that tell you? Piper and Orton say funny things about the hillbillies. He was a total master on the mic in this era. The hillbillies say generic hillbilly stuff. The mat is dark gray and the ropes are mixed up, as in they go blue, red then white. It’s weirder than it sounds. Also, the ring looks TINY. Uncle Elmer and Ventura start. Elmer is REALLY fat.

Wow it’s odd hearing Heenan from this era. It really is. He’s a totally different commentator. He’s still his usual jerky self, but his voice sounds different to put it mildly. Luke…sucks. That’s all there is to it. I mean he sucks HARD. Naturally he gets beaten down for the majority of the match. Piper was still moving in the ring at this time and was far better at wrestling than he was given credit for.

Jesse’s wrestling was underrated. He knew how to sell and could work a crowd really well. Luke gets his head handed to him for a good while. We get the classic ref doesn’t see the tag spot which is one of the easiest ways in the world to get heat on someone. Piper beats up Uncle Elmer, who is like 6’7 and close to 500lbs on his own. It’s rather amusing. We get a melee and after a cast shot to Luke, Piper puts him to sleep to end a glorified squash.

Rating: D. Weak stuff here but like I said, I’d expect a lot of that. There was heat from the crowd, but when the third best in ring guy is Hillbilly Jim, it’s a bad sign. This just didn’t work and felt weak. Jesse wouldn’t be around much longer due to issues from exposure to Agent Orange in Vietnam. Elmer and Luke would be gone because……well I think you get the idea.

We’ll wrap it up with Ventura getting a title shot on February 9, 1986.

Intercontinental Title: Jesse Ventura vs. Tito Santana

Interesting point to start: we’re told that Jesse and Adonis held the tag titles. They did, but they were the AWA tag titles. They said this regularly but it wasn’t something you expect to hear. I think this is in Toronto. Jesse complains about the closed fist because that’s what heels do before punching their opponents. He calls Santana Chico which is always awesome. Jesse keeps getting caught in holds and heading for the ropes.

Time for a wristlock as the fans are almost all behind Jesse. They pop for Tito’s reversal as well though so I guess the Canadians are confused here. Off to a headlock but Jesse gets a knee to the ribs to take over. Out to the floor now and it’s confirmed that we’re in Toronto. Jesse’s offense is pretty basic but he knows how to work a crowd like a master which is more important.

Tito gets in a few punches but Ventura pokes him in the eye to stop him. Win if you can, lose if you must but always cheat. Backbreaker gets two and an atomic drop does the same. Here’s a bearhug which makes sense given the back work that was done earlier. Tito smacks him in the head to escape. Gorilla: “Look at that firey Mexican!” Tito grabs the Figure Four but Jesse gets the rope. They fight up the ramp and Tito puts the Figure Four on out there but Jesse kicks him into the ring for the countout win.

Rating: C. Not bad here but it worked for the most part. It was actually a double countout if you care. This was fine for a house show title defense, especially with someone like Jesse who was a rarity to see in the ring at this point. He knew how to work a crowd but the people loved him which is the right idea.

In the words of Mick Foley, Jesse was a great talent but not inside a ring. People remember him as the heel commentator that ripped on Hogan every chance he got and that’s quite the career to have. Ventura is one of the most interesting people you’ll ever find and wrestling is just a small part of that. Listen to him instead of watching him though.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews, check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:


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Wrestler of the Day – October 22: Scotty Too Hotty

Today is a wormy little guy: Scotty Too Hotty.

As usual I’ll be skipping his Too Cool matches and make this just about Scott.

Scotty debuted in late 1989 and we’ll pick things up on Raw, February 23, 1993.

Scott Taylor vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

A few shoulders run Scotty over but he comes back with a clothesline. Bigelow nails one of his own though and the squashing continues. Taylor escapes a vertical suplex but gets dropped with an electric chair. There’s a butterfly backbreaker followed by a pair of top rope headbutts to give Bigelow the pin.

From Raw on September 11, 1995.

Isaac Yankem DDS vs. Scott Taylor

The evil dentist hammers him into the corner to start and there’s a chokeslam for good measure. An over the back neckbreaker makes Scott scream and a gorilla press hot shot makes things even worse. A DDT is enough to end Taylor’s misery. Standard squash.

Here’s a match on Superstars on January 20, 1996.

Scott Taylor vs. Ringmaster

This is Austin’s second match in the company and joined in progress after a break. Austin chokes away on the ropes and hits a release gutwrench suplex. A fireman’s carry gutbuster puts Taylor down again and Austin talks a lot of trash. He doesn’t want the pin yet though and slaps on the Million Dollar Dream for the win. You can see A LOT of empty seats as the camera zooms in.

We’ll jump ahead to just before the Too Cool era, starting on Raw, July 13, 1998. They’re still heels here and called Too Much.

Kai En Tai vs. Too Much/Taka Michinoku

Too Much starts fast and hits a Hart Attack on Funaki. Off to Togo who gets suplexed by Scotty. Taka comes in to speed things up and calls for the Michinoku Driver. Kai En Tai continues their speed stuff to stop Taka but he makes the tag to Brian. A powerbomb puts Togo down and Too Much uses some double teaming to get two. Scotty uses the Worm’s grandfather but Togo moves. A moonsault gets two for Dick. Taka and Scott get in an argument, resulting in Scotty taking a senton backsplash to end this. Not enough to grade but it was mostly a mess.

We’ll jump ahead to Backlash 2000 with Scotty challenging for the Light Heavyweight Title.

Light Heavyweight Title: Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Dean Malenko

Dean is champion and this is Scotty’s rematch I believe. Scotty dances with Lillian pre-match. Scotty starts off fast with some near falls. Belly to back puts Dean down and Scotty nips up into the Moonwalk. He sets for the bulldog to set up the Worm but Dean clotheslines him down instead. Dean, the heel, tries to get the buckle pad off but can’t quite get it. He rams Scotty into the buckle anyway and we head outside.

A dropkick to the knee gets two and Dean works the leg over a bit. After a quick leg lock he wraps it around the post a few times. Back to the leg lock and then a leg lace. Dean hits a knee crusher but Scotty comes back with an enziguri. That gets him nowhere so it’s back to the knee by Dean. He tries a spinning toehold but Scotty kicks him into the corner and rolls him up for two.

Malenko kicks at the knee again but then charges at Scotty, sending both of them out to the floor. Back in Dean hits a superplex to put both guys down. Dean is up first but walks into a backslide for two. Scotty bulldogs him down and it’s Worm time! That gets two so Malenko rolls him up with feet on the ropes for two. Things are speeding way up. Tiger Bomb gets two for Dean and he’s frustrated.

Scotty comes back at him again but walks into a powerslam for two. He tries to put Dean on the apron but gets guillotined down on the top rope. Malenko goes up top but Scotty pops him with a right hand. Scotty goes up for a superplex but Dean counters in mid air into a DDT. FREAKING OW MAN and Dean retains. SICK counter.

Rating: B. Malenko is awesome but unfortunately he never quite did anything of note in the WWF. The Light Heavyweight Title was almost exclusively defended on the late night weekend shows which meant that most people didn’t know the title was around or who held it. Dean would hold it until a few weeks before the next Wrestlemania. This was a really good match though and that ending is GREAT.

Time for a six man at Summerslam 2000.

Right to Censor vs. Too Cool/Rikishi

Too Cool and Rikishi are WAY over at this point and even won the tag titles over the summer. The RTC is Richards/Goodfather/Bull Buchanan at this point. Some of Goodfather’s former women come out with Rikishi, one of which would become known as Victoria. It’s a big brawl to start until we get Scotty pounding on Buchanan. Hotty backflips over Buchanan and pulls him down before getting two off a high cross body. Off to Sexay for a double suplex before Goodfather comes in and falls to the floor. He shoves Victoria down before punching Sexay in the face to take over.

Buchanan gets in some shots of his own and it’s off to Richards for his cheap shots. A powerbomb gets two and JR sounds stunned. Steven gets crotched on top and superplexed down allowing for the hot tag to Rikishi. The fat man cleans house and Victoria throws Richards back in the ring. The RTC is sent into the corner with Too Cool being launched into all of them at once, but Bull gets in a quick ax kick to take the Samoan down. Scotty loads up the Worm but Steven kicks his head off for the pin.

Rating: C. Basic six man tag here to get the crowd going. A fast paced act like Too Cool and Rikishi is always a great choice to start up a show as the crowd gets fired up for the entrance and hopefully stays hot for the rest of the show. The RTC was a fine choice for a heel stable as they took away what the fans wanted to see and the people were glad to see them get beaten up.

Time for the Alliance Era on Raw, August 20, 2001.

APA/Scotty 2 Hotty/Big Show/Spike Dudley/Billy Gunn vs. Dudley Boys/Chuck Palumbo/Sean O’Haire/Hugh Morrus/Tommy Dreamer

There are twelve in this if you don’t feel like counting. Farrooq vs. Palumbo to start things off. Quickly off to Sean and Scotty. I wouldn’t expect any long segments in this match. Morrus and Dreamer try to double team Hotty but get taken down by a double clothesline. Here’s Gunn who gets caught in What’s Up but the APA saves. Bradshaw pounds on Tommy and Spike adds a double stomp off the top.

Dreamer catches Spike in a half crab but it’s off to Bubba for some power. A HUGH double flapjack gets two for D-Von. Morrus comes in and walks into a Dudley Dog. Show comes in and everything breaks down. It’s finishers all around for the next minute or so, ending with Show killing Dreamer with the chokeslam for the win.

Rating: C-. This was a big mess but the parade of finishers is always fun to see. It makes no sense as why wouldn’t they use those all the time, but it’s always cool to see. This was really the only way to get most of the people on the roster onto the shows, especially before the Brand Split, which really was a good thing.

Off to England for Rebellion 2001.

Scotty 2 Hotty vs. The Hurricane

Heyman’s intro for Hurricane is great stuff. Basic stuff to start so far with nothing really going on early on. Hurricane (Gregory/Shane Helms) is in the Alliance here. This is just going nowhere at all. The bulldog to set up the Worm is blocked. Crowd is more or less dead here. Helms gets a Blockbuster for two.

We get what’s called a Ne-Han in No Mercy from the Hurricane. You cross the other guy’s arms in an X shape and pull back on them like a camel clutch. And then Hurricane lets it go to put on his cape. And so much for that as Scotty gets a DDT and both guys are down. and both guys are down. Kick by Scotty gets two.

Hurricane does a Worm of his own which doesn’t work. Chokeslam gets two. A rollup with ropes gets two. Eye of the Hurricane is blocked into the bulldog and there’s the Worm. I hate that move. Since it’s a chop to the neck after the other guy has forever to get better, it gets the in.

Rating: D. This match sucked. It was just boring on all accounts and the fans could tell. This should have been a dark match so of course they let it go on the actual show. Scotty was over for absolutely no apparent reason. This went nowhere at all and was boring beyond belief. Also, the freaking Worm got the pin. Get on to something else.

Scotty’s next partner was the Hip Hop Hippo Albert. Here they are on Raw, March 4, 2002.

Scotty 2 Hotty/Albert vs. Test/Mr. Perfect

What a strange heel team. Test says Perfect is his partner for the fans or something like that. It’s not Booker due to him being in the match earlier. Albert vs. Perfect to get us going. Test comes in without his tag being seen so Test beats on him instead. Perfect comes in but can’t Perfectplex him and there’s the tag to Scotty. No one, I mean no one, cares. Everything breaks down and Scotty loads up the Worm on Test….and then he walks into a Perfectplex for the win. This was nothing.

After returning from neck surgery, Scotty and Rikishi would hook up as a team, including this match on Smackdown, December 3, 2003.

Rikishi/Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Basham Brothers

The Bashams are tag champions but this is non-title. Shaniqua is with the Bashams and is the dominatrix to their…..whatever the term for that kind of person is. Danny jumps Rikishi to start and manages to avoid the Samoan Drop. Rikishi drops down onto the chest though and Basham is in trouble quickly. Off to Scotty and now it’s Doug in trouble. Shaniqua trips Scotty behind the referee’s back but is sent out for her efforts. Doug hits a Vader Bomb Elbow for two.

Off to Danny who works on the back and neck some more. The Bashams hit a double flapjack and a double nipup (nice) for two. Doug hooks an abdominal stretch but Scotty escapes and manages to get the tag to the fat man. Rikishi cleans house and sets for a Stinkface but Shaniqua comes back and the twins switch. Rikishi gets hit low but Scotty hits the Worm on Doug. Samoan Drop to Danny gets the pin.

Rating: C-. Not a bad match here but I never was huge on Rikishi and Scotty as a team. The Bashams were the flavor of the month of the tag teams and the dominatrix thing never worked that well because no one cared about Linda (who drops two very audible F Bombs in her berating of them post match). Rikishi and Scotty would get the titles in two months.

They would win the Smackdown Tag Team Titles and defend then in a four way at Wrestlemania XX.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Too Cool vs. Basham Brothers vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. APA

That would be Scotty and Rikishi who are defending coming in. One fall to a finish again. Bradshaw and Shelton start things off with the Texan taking him down with a shoulder and getting two off an elbow drop. Doug Basham comes in to beat up Shelton now and it’s off to Danny. Shelton tags in Haas for a slam onto Haas’ knee in a cool spot. Scotty comes in to fight Charlie as this is going nowhere.

In another creative spot, Scotty skins the cat but lands in the Shelton jumps over Charlie’s back to land on Scotty for two. Charlie tags off to Doug for a kick to Scotty’s face. The hot tag brings in Rikishi to clean house and knocks Shelton to the floor to break up the German suplex. Charlie gets a Stinkface and Bradshaw launches Doug to the floor with a fallaway slam. There’s the Clothesline to Danny but Bradshaw walks into a Samoan Drop. Rikishi sits on Danny to end it and retain.

Rating: D. Whatever man. Seriously, I wouldn’t have remembered this match if you put a gun to my head, just like with the other tag title match. They’re just not interesting at all and there was nothing here to remember at all. There needed to be just one set of tag belts at this point and these matches make it painfully obvious.

Smackdown – December 3, 2004

Wrestlemania XX

With Rikishi gone, Scotty became a jobber to the stars. Here he is on Smackdown, November 4, 2005.

Ken Kennedy vs. Scotty Too Hotty

Not even a Mr. yet. Kennedy quickly kicks him out to the floor for two back inside as this doesn’t look like it’s going to last long. We actually get a bearhug on Scotty until he makes a quick comeback. Tazz makes various jokes as Scotty gets crotched on the top, setting up the middle rope rolling fireman’s carry to stay undefeated.

Here he is in the signature match of the Cruiserweight division: total insanity. From No Way Out 2006.


Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Brian Kendrick vs. Funaki vs. Kid Kash vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London vs. Psicosis vs. Scotty Hotty vs. Super Crazy

Yeah it’s a 9 way match. Helms is champion and ran his mouth so this is his punishment. The intros take nearly five minutes. Thankfully some guys come out together. No tagging here and it’s one fall to a finish. Who wants to bet that Helms escapes with the title? He won it last month so yeah I’m thinking he’s keeping it. Helms hides on the floor while the other eight guys pound on each other.

The Mexicools hits stereo planchas to take out London and Kendrick. Helms finally gets in and they all jump him as he more or less said he was better than all of them. Obviously I can’t go through every spot and type it up here as it’s a huge mess the whole way through. There are WAY too many people in there and it’s just wasting time until we get to the ending sequence.

Helms and Kash go at it for a bit which gets us nowhere. Helms is sent to the floor as this continues to be six or seven guys lay down while two or three do stuff. Kash gets a sweet rana to take down Psicosis on the floor. Londrick takes out Nunzio and Funaki and then do it again off the top to those same two plus Scotty. Helms misses the Shining Wizard and Crazy gets a big spin kick for two.

London hits Helms with a senton back splash that crushes Helms’ face. London gets kicked in the face by Scotty who then has to do the Worm on Helms. The long wait allows Psicosis to break it up. That should teach Scotty but it won’t of course because he’s a stupid man. Dead Level (brainbuster, but looks like a suplex here) from Kash hits Psicosis but Crazy hits a moonsault out of nowhere. Helms steals the pin to retain. Wow how shocked I am at that.

Rating: C-. Total meh match here. These multi-man matches are supposed to be insane and all that jazz and for the most part they are, but dude, NINE PEOPLE? There’s no way to follow is and it’s the living definition of a match with no flow because you can’t have any. It was ok, but WAY too many people out there which brought it down a lot.

One of Scotty’s last WWE matches was on Smackdown, September 15, 2006.

Miz vs. Scotty Too Hotty

This is Miz’s third match on the roster and JBL already hates him. A hiptoss puts Scotty down and Miz grabs a hand for a high five. Scotty comes back with a hiptoss of his own and dances, only to be taken down with an armdrag. There’s a neckbreaker to drop Scotty and Miz chokes a lot to keep control. A spinning side slam gets two as JBL continues to crack me up with his rants against Miz. Scotty fights out of a chinlock and raises the roof but Miz rolls away before the Worm. Back in and a swinging neckbreaker is enough to pin Scotty. Cole: “That’s the Mizard of Oz.” JBL: “HE CAN’T NAME IT THAT!!!”

Rating: D+. Nothing to the match but man alive was JBL ripping Miz apart hilarious. When JBL gets on a roll and goes insane against something, he’s as entertaining of a commentator as you’re going to find today. Miz would of course get WAY better down the line, which I think would give JBL a mild heart attack.

After being released, Scotty would be brought back for the 15th Anniversary of Raw.

15th Anniversary Battle Royal

THE FINK does the intros. We’ve got Al Snow, Bart Gunn (man, where did they drag him out of?), DOINK THE CLOWN, Repo Man, Steve Blackman (in far better shape than he ever was when he was a regular), Pete Gas of the Mean Street Posse, BOB FREAKING BACKLUND (58 years old here and looking to be in better shape than most of the roster), Gangrel, Goon, Skinner, IRS, Flash Funk, Scotty 2 Hotty, Jim Neidhart, Sgt. Slaughter and Gillberg, who gets a full entrance with guards and pyro sticks and canned chants. That’s AWESOME. This is supposed to be a 15 man battle royal but there are 16 in it. Eh who cares?

Gillberg is ganged up on and tossed immediately. Backlund is out quickly and the point of this isn’t who wins but is just for fun. A Head shot by Snow puts Doink out. Same for Gangrel. HEAD CHEESE EXPLODES!!! Skinner is called a fabulous one (haha) and there go Bart, Flash and Blackman. Repo Man puts Goon out and Skinner puts Repo out. Final Four are Slaughter, IRS, Skinner and Scotty. IRS gets his briefcase but gets it knocked into his face so we can see the Worm. Skinner puts Scotty out but walks into the Cobra Clutch. Slaughter dumps Skinner but IRS dumps Slaughter in the same ending from X7’s Gimmick Battle Royal.

BUT WAIT! Here’s Ted DiBiase, who is officially in the battle royal also. However, he says that IRS has his price so IRS dives over the top, making DiBiase the winner! And that my friends, is why Ted DiBiase is better than your favorite heel. We even get the evil laugh! The match isn’t worth rating because that’s not the point. The ending made me smile a lot though.

After a few years in Europe, Scotty would make a one off appearance at NXT on August 15, 2012.

Heath Slater vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

Now there’s a name I didn’t think I’d be typing. Scotty looks slimmer than he used to but he’s in good shape. Slater grabs the arm to start but gets run over by a shoulder. Scotty pauses for a second before Slater charges into an armdrag. We stop again to raise the roof but Slater knocks him down to keep us in this century with the playing to the crowd. Off to a chinlock which is pretty quickly released. A neckbreaker gets two for Slater and he tries to throw Scotty to the floor but Scotty hangs on. The bulldog sets up the Worm for the pin at 3:53.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing of note but that wasn’t the point. Scotty is a fun character that people remember fondly so it’s hard to complain much about him coming in here to beat a jobber like Slater. There’s nothing wrong with throwing out something like this once in awhile and the match was fine.

We’ll wrap it up with Scott reuniting with Too Cool on Old School Raw, January 6, 2014.

3MB vs. Too Cool/Rikishi

This is as obvious of a match as you can get. Grandmaster and Jinder get things going with Grandmaster scoring with a quick dropkick. Off to Scotty who is still in good shape but gets punched down by McIntyre. Drew misses a charge in the corner and the bulldog sets up the WORM. Slater robs us of our gratification though and 3MB takes over again. The announcers spend the entire match arguing over whether Too Cool can be called the Hip Hop Twins, thereby making the whole thing about them instead of the legends.

Scotty clotheslines McIntyre down and makes the hot tag to Rikishi who looks incredibly slow. He does manage a superkick to Mahal for two but Slater makes the save. Rikishi clotheslines two Band members down and the Hip Hop Drop takes out McIntyre. Mahal tries a sunset flip on Rikishi but gets sat on for the pin at 5:24.

Rating: D+. The match sucked and the commentary was annoying, but this is exactly what modern nostalgia should be about. Too Cool is an act that’s old enough for people to reminisce but not old enough that they embarrass themselves in the ring. Nobody is hurt, the fans get to have a fun moment and everybody wins. Good stuff.

Scotty is a guy that had a very nice and long career which far exceeded what he probably should have done. The Worm became a big time crowd favorite and he was in one of the hottest acts in the company as a result. You couple that with his nice run after he and Christopher split and the fact that he’s been described as one of the nicest guys in wrestling make him a nice feel good story.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Wrestler of the Day – October 21: Tugboat

Today we have none other than the Sailing Superstar: Tugboat.

Fred Ottman started in 1984 and we’ll pick things up with the required stopover in Memphis on October 11, 1986.

Big Bubba vs. David Haskins

Bubba is just a generic big man character. He shoves Haskins down a few times to start before dropping a pair of legs. Bubba picks him up at two before finishing him with a clothesline and splash. Total squash.

Due to being Dusty Rhodes’ brother in law (seriously. So is Jerry Sags), Ottman got a spot in Dusty’s short lived PWF promotion, including in the main event of PWF Homecoming in March 1989.

PWF World Title: Big Steel Man vs. Dusty Rhodes

Big Steel Man is Tugboat/Typhoon/Shockmaster. Dusty comes out to Old Time Rock And Roll. Well at least he has good taste. Oh apparently Page is the manager of Big Steel Man. That sounds like something a 4 year old would come up with. Steel Man shoves Dusty around a lot to start. Dusty comes back with an elbow. That sequence took over a minute somehow. Dusty jumps (yes, jumps) into a bearhug two minutes into the match. This match is really looking down in a hurry.

Dusty elbows out of it and goes to the floor, only to have his shoulder rammed into the post. Back inside Steel Man works over the arm with a wristlock. The guy is 370lbs and he’s using a move that a cruiserweight could use. That’s not a compliment in this case. The arm goes into the buckle and Big Steel drops four legdrops in a row followed by a missed top rope splash. Dusty rolls over quickly and gets the pin and the title out of nowhere.

Rating: F. OH COME ON! After this horrible show, the big star’s match for the world title isn’t even eight minutes long? There was no build at all and the ending didn’t do anything for the crowd, as they didn’t have a chance to get ready. Also, Dusty looks like a weak champion as all he did was move out of the way instead of hitting a move of his own. Horrible main event to a terrible show.

It was off the WWF soon after this, with one of his earlier matches at Tugboat Thomas on January 2, 1990.

Tugboat Thomas vs. Iron Mike Sharpe

This is Tugboat’s debut. It’s also apparently from the pages of the WWF Magazine. Really? It seems to me to be from an arena that looks like Nashville, Tennessee. I think I smell a squash coming here. Sharpe runs into him and gets nothing. Vince and Jesse more or less spend the match talking about how big he is. Sharpe can’t get anything going other than jobber offense and the splash ends it in like three minutes. Total squash so no rating.

Here’s a similar idea on Superstars, September 2, 1990.

Tugboat vs. Iron Mike Sharpe

This is Tugboat’s return after being injured by Earthquake and Dino Bravo. Rose is almost as fat as Tugboat and looks totally unhealthy. Some shoulder blocks have no effect so Rose waddles over to the corner for some shots to the ribs. Tugboat whips him across the ring a few times before a slam sets up the big splash to hopefully squash some of the fat out of Rose.

Tugboat would get to be Hulk’s little buddy around this time, including at SNME XXVIII.

Rhythm and Blues vs. Hulk Hogan/Tugboat

Rhythm and Blues are Honky Tonk Man and Greg Valentine in a dumb tag team. Tugboat is here because he got the people to try to make Hogan feel better when he got hurt. Do you ever feel sorry for Fred Ottman? Can we buy this guy a decent gimmick? Not even a good one but a decent one? This goes exactly how you would expect it to: Hogan destroys them by himself and they bail.

This is about as weak of a match as you could ask for. Naturally Tugboat gets caught by a Valentine axe handle which he sells like a hatchet to the head. Vince says that Tugboat is beached. You know, like a whale. The Blowhole Kid dodges some elbows and gets Hogan in to clean house. Hogan goes for the legdrop but here come Earthquake and Bravo.

They don’t get to the ring or anything though. Back to the match after a commercial, Tugboat takes a guitar to the back for the DQ. Here comes your monster heel and it’s a big beatdown. Tugboat is off somewhere in search of a Twinkie. Tugboad FINALLY realizes he’s at work and pops Quake with the guitar to send them running.

Rating: D+. Again, just more of an angle than a match as no one cared about who won or lost here. This was just to set up more Survivor Series stuff which is fine I suppose, but at the same time I wish they could have had a better way of doing it. Not sure what that way would have been though.

Another match as the best friend at Survivor Series 1990.

Natural Disasters vs. Hulkamaniacs

Earthquake, Dino Bravo, Haku, Barbarian

Hulk Hogan, Big Bossman, Tugboat, Jim Duggan

There’s some actual drama here as Hogan had never beaten Earthquake before this and the other guys balance out somewhat well. Haku vs. Duggan start us off as the announcers talk about the Grand Finale. It’s such a different time when they automatically know who is going to be on what side. Today you would be waiting on the swerve. Duggan pounds away on Haku and a clothesline gets two.

Bravo and Barbarian come in to get some shots but it’s quickly off to Boss Man vs. Haku. Haku dropkicks him down for two but the Boss Man Slam puts Haku out quick. Barbarian comes in next and Boss Man runs him over. Heenan gets taken off the apron and Boss Man punches Barbarian a bit before walking into a suplex. Barbie misses a middle rope elbow and it’s off to Duggan vs. Bravo. Scratch that as Earthquake makes a blind tag and crushes Duggan in the corner. Duggan keeps trying to knock Quake down but Jimmy low bridges him. Duggan brings the board in with him and hits Quake for the DQ.

It’s Hogan vs. Earthquake but Hulk beats up all three guys because he can. Hogan easily slams Earthquake and fires off ten punches in the corner. Quake comes back with a powerslam and tags in Bravo who stomps away before getting small packaged for the pin. There’s the tag to Boss Man who hits his rapid fire punches in the corner. Boss Man goes up for a cross body and oh my goodness Earthquake caught him. That is SCARY. Hogan shoves Boss Man on top of him for two but Barbarian kicks Boss Man in the back to put him down. An elbow from Earthquake eliminates Boss Man.

Hogan vs. Quake again and Hulk tries to drop the big guy. Hulk tries another slam but can’t get Quake up. The third attempt results in Quake falling on Hogan for two. Hulk avoids an elbow and there’s the tag to Tugboat, causing everyone to shout TOOOOT which sounds like booing. Hogan pulls Earthquake to the floor and Quake and Tugboat get counted out. That leaves Hogan vs. Barbarian and the only thing I can think to say is “really?” Barbarian goes after Hogan on the floor and doesn’t hit a piledriver well at all. It gets two and they clothesline each other. Barbarian hits the top rope clothesline, Hulk Up, legdrop, done.

Rating: C-. This was a lot more fast paced and energetic than you would expect. The continued practice of just teasing the encounter that the match is based on is getting REALLY old though as I guess they want to preserve the house show draws, because who would want to see a feud continue after a single match right? My goodness have things changed in the last twenty years.

Tugboat was reaching the end of his usefulness but he could job a bit. From December 12, 1990.

Undertaker vs. Tugboat

This is the requested match. Really? This is WAY early in Taker’s career in WWF as Brother Love is his manager still. Battle of the big men here which means they stand around a lot. Taker tries a leap frog but they botch it completely as Tugboat stops running so Taker lands on him. He had the height for it so that’s on Tugboat. Tugger takes over and takes the taller man down a few times.

Taker onto offense now as things slow WAY down. He’s slower than he is now with all the injuries and barely ever wrestling. Hard to believe this is only eleven years ago. New School is blocked and a powerslam puts Taker down for no cover. The Sailing Superstar (yes really) misses a corner splash and Taker goes up, walks the rope (no hands) and drops a fist for the pin.

Rating: D+. Another weak match here as there wasn’t anything of note here. Taker did what he could but Tugboat was just worthless at this point and no one cared in the slightest about him. Rather boring match all around but some of Taker’s stuff looked cool, especially with him so young.

One more match as the best friend on Main Event V on February 1, 1991.

Hulk Hogan/Tugboat vs. Dino Bravo/Earthquake

Hogan gets a very solid pop and is the only one of the four to get a reaction at all. According to Vince, Quake and Bravo weigh about 1,300 pounds between them. Think Vince is a bit shaky here for some reason? That’s not rhetorical actually as he’s normally more composed than this. Hogan cleans house on Bravo to start. Bravo and Tugboat are in now and this isn’t going to be pretty.

Bravo actually gets an atomic drop and a very good one all things considered. Hogan vs. Quake now, which is a somewhat big feud still at this point. The slam hits on the first try which is something different for the bald one. Quake gets a nice jump kick that looked pretty good for a man his size. The boating enthusiast gets beaten down as we wait on Hogan to get the tag.

Megaphone to the head ends any momentum he had and we take a break. Warrior is still the symbol on the graphic despite having lost the title and not even being on the card here. The referee misses the tag after the break and Tugboat takes a double slam. Hogan blocks the flying fat drop and we get the hot tag finally. Oddly enough Hogan hits the boot on Bravo and rolls him up for the pin instead of the standard finish.

Rating: D+. Totally standard house show main event here. This wasn’t supposed to be anything epic at all and it definitely wasn’t. These shows were designed to get the top feuds on TV and on occasions like this one, ending the feuds once and for all since Hogan had nothing else to do with any of these guys after this. Nothing great at all but fine for what it was.

Time for a tag team run to hide his weaknesses. Tugboat turned on Hogan and became Earthquake’s partner Typhoon in the Natural Disasters. We’ll pick things up at Summerslam 1991.

Natural Disasters vs. Bushwhackers

Andre looks terrible here and would be dead in less than 18 months. The Whackers sneak up on the big men on the floor and poke them in the eyes. We finally start with Butch vs. Typhoon and the big man being bitten on the trunks. Earthquake tries to come in but splashes his own partner by mistake. A double clothesline puts Quake down and the Bushwhackers are in full control.

Earthquake finally realizes he weighs more than both Bushwhackers put together and pounds Butch down with a few shots to the back. Heenan makes an obscure Newhart reference as Quake slams Butch into the corner but misses an elbow drop to the back. The second attempt connects though and it’s off to Typhoon for more fat man offense.

Off to an over the shoulder backbreaker on Butch which transitions into a bearhug by Earthquake. Heenan leaves to go find Hogan and embarrass him which we’ll get to later. Quake finally hits Typhoon with a clothesline by mistake as everything breaks down. The Bushwhackers hit Battering Rams on both Disasters but it’s finally the big men crushing Luke and the Earthquake for the pin.

Rating: D-. This was a waste of time and everyone knew it was going to be from the moment the bell rang. The Bushwhackers were the epitome of comedy bumpkins and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not sure why they picked them of all teams for Andre to back and the match was horrible.

Same idea but in an elimination format with partners…..maybe it’s not the same idea. From Survivor Series 1991.

Legion of Doom/Big Boss Man vs. IRS/Natural Disasters

This is your main event people. Let that sink in for a minute. The LOD are the tag champions and IRS and Boss Man are having a worthless midcard feud. Boss Man and IRS start things off with the tax dude (if you need help figuring out who that is you’re beyond my help) getting thrown all over the place. Off to Animal vs. Earthquake which fires the crowd up a bit.

They collide and Animal’s cross body is caught in a backbreaker in an impressive display of strength from Quake. Back to IRS to face Hawk with the latter working on the arm. Typhoon gets the tag, only to have IRS thrown at him by Hawk. Off to Earthquake who carries Hawk to the heel corner. IRS and Boss Man come in again and it’s a briefcase shot to Boss Man’s head for the elimination.

It’s Typhoon vs. Animal now and the Disasters double team Animal in the corner. Quake suplexes him down as Monsoon talks about Bobo Brazil. IRS hits a top rope right hand for two and Typhoon puts on a bearhug. Animal escapes and hits a clothesline before tagging in Hawk. IRS misses a briefcase shot to the head and hits Typhoon by mistake, giving Hawk the easy pin.

Quake wants to fight IRS now but walks off with Typhoon instead, making it the LOD vs. IRS. Hawk powerslams IRS down but a charge goes shoulder first into the post. Hawk gets sent face first into the steps as we continue to fill time by having IRS look like he has a chance. We hit the chinlock as the announcers talk about Thanksgiving dinner. Not hot tag brings in Animal who cleans whatever is left in the house. IRS tries to walk out but runs into Boss Man in the aisle. Hawk hits a top rope clothesline for the win.

Rating: D+. We go from Hogan vs. Andre II to this in five years? That should give you a good idea as to what you’ve got going on with this show. The match was nothing and there was no reason to get excited about it, because the whole reason the match was happening had been postponed to Tuesday. In Texas.

After a face turn it was time to go after the Tag Team Titles. From Wrestlemania VIII.

Tag Titles: Money Inc. vs. Natural Disasters

Money Inc. is defending and is comprised of Ted DiBiase and I.R.S. DiBiase and Earthquake start things off with the heels (Money Inc.) getting beaten down and the rich man being knocked to the floor. Off to Typhoon vs. I.R.S. For osme arm work by the big guy. Typhoon misses a charge into the corner and it’s off to DiBiase….who is immediately beaten down as well. Typhoon misses a splash against the ropes and falls over the top and out to the floor.

I.R.S. cranks on a front facelock for a bit as Ted hits an ax handle off the middle rope for two. A double clothesline puts both guys down as this match is DRAGGING. Everything breaks down and the challengers take over. A clothesline puts DiBiase on the floor and there’s the big splash from Typhoon. Jimmy Hart pulls Irwin out to break up the Earthquake splash and the champions walk out to retain the titles.

Rating: D-. I have no idea what the point of this was. The match wasn’t entertaining, it wasn’t good, and the match didn’t accomplish anything. I’m guessing this was supposed to be filler between the other matches, but we already had one of those and that’s what we’re about to get next. Nothing to see here at all.

Here’s something a bit more worth seeing. From July 20, 1992.

Tag Titles: Money Inc. vs. Natural Disasters

Don’t you see the connection here? This would be before Mania as Jimmy is with DiBiase and IRS here, despite being with Hogan and Beefcake earlier. Yeah that’s not confusing at all. Irwin’s promo implies this is after April 15 but that wouldn’t add up at all so maybe that’s an error. The champions, Money Inc, tries to leave before the match starts but that gets nowhere. Typhoon and DiBiase start us off.

Everyone goes in there at once and the fat guys do nothing but corner splashes for about two minutes. They follow this up with a BIG splash, just to add some variety. They try it again and Quake misses and hits the floor. No earthquake from it but whatever. DiBiase chokes him with a rope from somewhere. Nothing of note going on here as it’s mainly just punches and kicks.

LONG beatdown segment on Earthquake as the heels do their evil deeds. Crowd is relatively dead here until Quake hits a hiptoss and STILL doesn’t make the tag. We get a comparison of Earthquake to Undertaker which is a matchup that could have been interesting if the timing had been right. Quake was getting to the point of not mattering when Taker arrived.

Tag by Quake doesn’t count since the referee didn’t see it. Double clothesline by Quake as Hart is described as a monkey on helium. Hot tag to Typhoon and the crowd wakes up a little bit. Everything breaks down and the referee tries to get Hart out of the ring. IRS blasts DiBiase in the face with the briefcase and Earthquake drops an elbow….FOR THE PIN? This actually looks like the title change and with nothing else happening…yeah that was a title change.

Rating: D+. Boring match but the crowd popped for the title change, I think due to shock more than anything else. This was their only title reign as they would lose the belts back to Money Inc in about three months. The match was pretty bad but a title change back then was always a good thing. This was a house show mind you, so it’s not like this was well known or anything, making it an actual rarity.

Now for a title defense at Summerslam 1992.

Tag Titles: Natural Disasters vs. Beverly Brothers

The Brothers are managed by the Genius and are challenging here. Genius messes up his poem by getting some dates wrong but the fans are already cheering for the fat champions anyway. The challengers try to jump the big guys early on but the champions take their heads off with clotheslines. Both Brothers (Beau and Blake) are crushed in a fat man sandwich, leaving us with Typhoon to start against Blake.

Typhoon pounds away on the smaller man but Blake manages to lift him up for a slam. He can’t turn it over but it was a nice try at least. Everything breaks down for a few seconds until we’re back to more Disaster dominance. Quake accidentally splashes Typhoon in the corner and the ocean themed guy is down. The Brothers double team Typhoon with a splash but he launches Beau to the floor on the kickout.

Hang on a second: Shawn Michaels has left Wembley Stadium!

Back to the match with Blake hitting a middle rope headbutt for a delayed two. Beau holds Typhoon on the ropes so Blake can jump on his back in a move later used by Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin. The Brothers take turns pounding on Typhoon and draw Earthquake in, allowing them to double team Typhoon even more. A headbutt gets two for Blake and it’s off to a front facelock.

Typhoon finally makes a tag but the referee doesn’t see it, likely due to being bored by the match so far. Beau drops an ax handle onto Typhoon’s back but the big man FINALLY clotheslines both Beverlies down but stops to slam Beau instead of tagging out. Blake dropkicks his brother into a cross body on Typhoon for two and Quake has had enough. His save attempt is broken up by Genius’ metal scroll to Typhoon’s back as this match just keeps going. Quake breaks up he cover and gets the hot tag to clean house. A powerslam and the Earthquake are enough to retain the titles.

Rating: D. This just wouldn’t stop as the Brothers got WAY too much offense in here. The problem is the same as it was last year: there was no doubt as to who was walking out with the belts and that makes for a rather boring match. Also, the Beverlies are pretty average size guys so there’s only so much they can do against people like the Disasters.

It was off to WCW after this as……*gulp*……the SHOCKMASTER! If you somehow don’t know what that is, go look it up and see the perils of stupid costumes, fat guys and live television. From Fall Brawl 1993.

Sting/Shockmaster/Davey Boy Smith/Dustin Rhodes vs. Vader/Harlem Heat/Sid Vicious

WarGames again. This is the mother of all gimmick matches in WCW and something that a lot of people with they would bring back in WWE, me being one of them. The idea is it’s 4 on 4 in a double cage match. Two people start us off, one from each team. They go at it for five minutes and then we have a coin toss (the heels will win). The winning team gets to send in another man for a 2-1 advantage. That last two minutes and then the losing team gets to send in its second man. After two more minutes the winning team gets to send in its third. You alternate until everyone is in and it’s first submission wins.

Harlem Heat are Kane and Kole here but I’ll be calling them by their more famous names. Vader is the other world champion here, the WCW World Champion. Animal is advising the faces here for no apparent reason. Dustin has really bad ribs here. Shockmaster is the hilariously infamous falling man that is more famous as Typhoon/Tugboat. Dustin starts without his partners wanting him to and gets Vader.

Dustin hammers Vader down surprisingly enough and pulls his boot off to beat on Vader even more. Well it’s resourceful if nothing else. Dustin is able to fight Vader off as well as anyone else has been able to do in a very long time. His ribs end that run though and there’s the Vader Bomb. Remember that you can’t end the match until after everyone is in the ring. That’s a great rule that makes sure there’s additional violence.

Rhodes fights back AGAIN and puts Vader down. That could be a heck of a Clash of the Champions main event actually. More boot shots (with the boot itself mind you, not a foot in it) to the head of Vader and Dustin is surprisingly in control. The heels win the coin toss which I literally think was a perfect record for them over the years. Dustin counters a dive off the top by Vader into a powerslam in a nice move.

Kane (Stevie Ray) comes in second. Dustin tries to fight them off but Vader gets a shot in to the ribs to take him down almost immediately. A minute in (remember everything now is just two minutes) and Dustin is in trouble. I’m not entirely sure why they sent in Vader so soon but whatever. Sting comes in but Vader and Stevie wait on him by the door like smart people would do.

2-1 is nothing for Sting though as he fights both guys off. I could watch Sting vs. Vader all day. Dustin is back up but is bleeding badly. His grandma is here tonight. Dusty’s mom is here. Let that sink in for a bit. Vader is sent into the cage and stumbles into the cameraman in a funny moment. Sid comes in to fight Sting in an old rivalry. Chokeslam takes Sting down and it’s all Sid.

The pops Sting gets for even the most basic moves are amazing. Vader and Sid ram Sting into the top of the cage for fun. With thirty seconds left it’s going to be the Bulldog in next. Yes Tugboat is batting cleanup. Davey comes in and Sid jumps him immediately. He fights off Sid and Vader by himself. He was a straight up tough guy in WCW if you haven’t seen any of his stuff there. In a nice touch Sting and Bulldog do to Sid what Vader and Sid did to Sting moments ago.

Kole (Booker T) comes in so there’s just Shocky left to come. Everyone is in one ring so that ring is completely overcrowded. The announcers make fun of Shockmaster falling which is funny stuff. They finally split up a bit and the match gets more interesting as a result. Sting takes down Stevie but hurts himself in the process. Sid gets caught in a Figure Four but here’s Shockmaster to even us up. Tony: Hey he made it through!

He’s bigger than Vader which isn’t something you often see. He beats up everyone in sight and after just over a minute and a half he throws Booker in a bearhug and it’s over. Wow so Typhoon beat a multiple time multiple time multiple time multiple time multiple time world champion? Sweet goodness man.

Rating: C. That’s bad for a WarGames match mind you. It’s ok, but the lack of starpower kind of hurts this here. Sid is an afterthought and Vader got beaten down like a fat jobber. Dustin Rhodes looked the most impressive out there which is odd as all goodness. This was kind of weak and did nothing to set up the next shows or anything. Shockmaster was gone almost immediately after this and no one cared.

Another match at Halloween Havoc 1993.

Ice Train/Charlie Norris/Shockmaster vs. Harlem Heat/Equalizer

Harlem Heat are known as Kane and Kole (Stevie and Booker respectively) and are by far the most talented guys in there. The face team (listed first) is perhaps the least talented group of three men ever assembled and that covers a lot. Shockmaster is the guy that fell over, Ice Train is a big muscular black guy and Norris is an Indian. Equalizer is not very good.

Ice Train and Stevie start us off. 2 Cold Scorpio and Marcus Bagwell are tag champions apparently. Train runs through him but surprisingly enough there’s no tag. Train can more or less do nothing at all. Off to Stevie now and Norris as well. Stevie gets his arm worked on as I’m bored already. Shocky comes in to a pop for no apparent reason. He drops some legs on the arm as we hear about his agility. Oh dear.

Harlem Heat use nefarious means to take down Ice Train as I guess he’s the face in peril. Still no Equalizer at this point. Oh great here he comes. That’s EXACTLY what I wanted to see. This is of course boring and the most interesting thing we hear is that Yoshi Kwan has been replaced by Paul Orndorff in his match with Ricky Steamboat.

Shockmaster, called Uncle Fred here, comes in to beat up Equalizer. The fans chant whoomp there it is to tick me off. Norris in now but down he goes anyway. END THIS PLEASE!!! Booker misses a splash and it’s off to Shockmaster. He locks a bearhug on Booker and falls on him for the pin to THANKFULLY end this.

Rating: F+. Do I need to explain to you why this was terrible? Other than Booker T, Tugboat was the best worker in the entire match. Absolutely terrible, FAR too long at nearly 10 minutes and absolutely nothing special in the slightest about it. At least it’s over though and that keeps me sane

We’ll wrap it up at Clash of the Champions XXV with a singles match.

Equalizer vs. Shockmaster

Yes, he somehow kept a job after falling through a wall. Shockmaster looks like a construction worker now but the announcers crack jokes about him falling down all the way to the ring. Equalizer jumps him as Shockmaster gets inside and uses a wide assortment of forearm smashes and choking. The announcers tell us about something going on in the back with Rick Rude and promise an update later. Shockmaster comes back with a clothesline and a bearhug before falling down on Equalizer with the hold still on for the pin. This was nothing.

The more I think about it, the more I feel sorry for the guy. Yeah he was a one dimensional guy and very limited in the ring, but look at what he had to work with: Big Bubba, Big Steel Man, the Sailing Superstar, Typhoon and whatever the Shockmaster was supposed to be. No one could get those gimmicks over and it’s not fair to put the blame entirely on him for how they went. Some blame yes but not all of it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Wrestler of the Day – October 17: Barbarian

Today is someone who stayed around for the better part of ever: the Barbarian.

Barbarian has an interesting backstory as he was one of a group of teenagers sent to study sumo wrestling by the King of Tonga. This evolved into his professional career, starting in 1980. We’ll pick things up at Starrcade 1985 with the aftermath of an arm wrestling challenge.

Barbarian vs. Billy Graham

Barbarian rips at Graham’s face and chokes away like any good monster villain would do. He even bites Billy’s forehead but doesn’t bust him open here. We get a very early bearhug from Barbarian and he slams Billy down, only to miss his top rope headbutt. Graham stomps away and puts on his own bearhug but Jones comes in and breaks it up for the DQ.

Rating: D. Was there a point to this? It was barely long enough to rate and the majority of the match was spent in those bearhugs. Graham would be back in the WWF sooner than later and Barbarian would continue to be this same character for about twelve more years. Nothing to see here.

Here’s a fairly random tag match from Starrcade 1986.

Hector Guerrero/Baron Von Raschke vs. Shaska Whatley/Barbarian

Whatley and Barbarian are members of Paul Jones’ Army while Guerrero and Raschke are kind of an oddball tag team. It’s a big brawl to start with the Baron pairing off with Whatley as Hector sends Barbarian out to the floor. Hector and Shaska start things off with Guerrero hitting some fast paced offense for early control. It’s off to Barbarian though to drop Hector throat first across the top rope, stopping his momentum cold.

Barbarian misses a running boot into the corner though and falls to the floor, allowing Hector to hit a BIG dive, taking out both Barbarian and Baron. That was a very big deal back then and still looks good even today. Whatley comes out to beat on Hector before throwing him inside for a gorilla press slam by Barbarian. A double backdrop puts Hector down for two and Whatley breaks up a potential hot tag to Baron.

Back to Barbarian for another near fall off a big boot followed by a backbreaker. Whatley sends him into the ropes and Hector spits right in his face, which is somehow enough for the hot tag off to the Baron. Raschke puts his Claw Hold on Shaska as everything breaks down. Barbarian breaks up the hold but gets pummeled in the corner by Hector. In the melee, Shaska misses a charge into the corner and Baron drops an elbow for the pin.

Rating: C. Just a basic tag match here which was fine for the most part. There was talk of a grudge coming in but there was not actual explanation given of what the feud was over or how everyone was involved. Baron seemed much more angry than Hector but that’s normal for the both of them. Nothing bad here but it’s just a tag match.

We’ll move into a more familiar era now with Barbarian in his best known phase: half of the Powers of Pain with the Warlord. Since they were pretty much a Road Warriors knockoff, here they are against the Road Warriors in a six man at the first Clash of the Champions.

Road Warriors/Dusty Rhodes vs. Powers of Pain/Ivan Koloff

Koloff and the Powers of Pain are the Six Man Tag Team Champions but the titles aren’t on the line here. This is a barbed wire street fight. Animal (teaming with his regular partner Hawk and Dusty) had his face injured by the Powers (Warlord and Barbarian) and Koloff while doing a weightlifting demonstration so tonight is about revenge. The barbed wire is around the ropes and while it’s not the at the level you might expect today, this was a BIG deal back in 1988.

The heels finally crawl under the ropes but Animal chases Warlord out to the floor to send him into the post. Most of the guys stay clear of the barbed wire and fight in the middle of the ring. Ivan and Dusty send each other into the wire and draw blood but Dusty comes back with right hands to Warlord and a big DDT to Barbarian. Hawk comes off the top with a right hand that mostly misses Warlord before Dusty kicks Barbarian to the floor. Animal powerslams Warlord and Barbarian’s top rope headbutt hits his partner by mistake, giving Animal the pin and revenge.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t much to see but the barbed wire was a nice touch, even though it wasn’t used all that much. It probably is better that they kept this match short and energetic as none of the six guys were known for their stamina. The Powers of Pain would jump to the WWF less than two months later so this was the blowoff to the feud.

Off to the WWF now with the Powers of Pain actually as faces, starting at Summerslam 1988.

Powers of Pain vs. Bolsheviks

The Powers (Barbarian and Warlord) are still faces here and have the Baron (Von Raschke) with them. Just like in the previous two matches the brawl is on as soon as the good guys hit the ring. The Powers double clothesline Boris Zhukov as Volkoff tries to sneak in for a cheap shot. Barbarian easily catches him coming in and sends him flying until we get down to Barbarian vs. Boris to start things off.

Boris puts his head down and…..something happens (it looked like a choke but it’s not really clear) before it’s off to Warlord for a gutwrench suplex on Zhukov. Both Russians double team Warlord but they can’t even get him down to his knees. Nikolai chokes away before Boris puts on a chinlock. The Russians have a double backdrop broken up and it’s off to Barbarian again. Everything breaks down and it’s a double shoulder followed by a swan dive to Boris for the pin.

Rating: D. Another lame match here but the Powers looked decent. The Baron would be gone in a few weeks as the company wasn’t pleased that a dark character was getting cheered, so they turned Demolition and their evil S&M looking gear face instead. Also did the Russians ever actually win a major match?

The face run didn’t last long and it was off to feuding with Demolition, including a match for the Tag Team Titles at Wrestlemania V.

Tag Titles: Demolition vs. Powers of Pain/Mr. Fuji

Demolition is defending and this is a handicap match. Warlord and Ax get things going with Ax pounding him down quickly. Smash comes in for a double beatdown and it’s off to a neck crank. Back to Ax for the same move and he yells at Fuji a bit. The Demolition beatdown ensues but Warlord powers Ax over to the corner for a tag to Barbarian. He shoves Smash into the corner and is immediately clotheslined down by a fresh Ax. The crowd is dead here.

Barbie gets double teamed by the champions and Ax hooks a neck crank. Back to Smash who gets chopped down before it’s back to Warlord. The advantage lasts for all of three seconds before the Powers finally get some successful cheating going on. Off to Fuji for the first time for some old man offense that is far better than Heenan or Hart at least. Barbarian comes in again and the yet to be named Kick of Fear puts Ax down again for no cover.

The match continues to stay in second gear at best with both teams barely moving at all. Fuji tries the flashiest move of the match by going up top, only to miss Ax. Gorilla: “He hasn’t wrestled in years, just like us.” Jesse: “Us? For Fuji and I it’s been years. For you many years.” Barbarian gets clotheslined down again and it’s off to Smash as everything breaks down. Fuji loads up his salt but hits Warlord by mistake. The Demolition Decapitator is enough to end Fuji and retain the titles.

Rating: D. I’m a fan of Demolition but this was a REALLY weak performance by both teams. The Powers would split soon after this which was the best idea for both guys as they were never going to break through the ceiling with Demolition on top. The title reign would continue to go on for another two months or so, reaching at nearly a year and a half.

Time for the required Survivor Series match in 1989.

Hulkamaniacs vs. Million Dollar Team

Hulk Hogan, Demolition, Jake Roberts

Ted DiBiase, Zeus, Powers of Pain

My goodness that’s an amazing face team. Ok, so now I get to explain Zeus. A month or two ago, WWE released No Holds Barred, a movie Hogan made in the late 80s, on DVD. The villain in the movie is named Zeus and you may notice he’s here. Zeus is played by an actor (not a wrestler mind you) named Tom Lister and the idea is that he’s living his character and is coming to beat Hogan up “in real life” because he lost in the movie. This would be like the guy who played Goldfinger trying to get revenge on Sean Connery. To make things even better, this was originally going to be the main event of Wrestlemania 6.

I’m sure you can see the problems mounting up already, with the main one being that Zeus doesn’t know how to wrestle. Other than that, there’s the idea that the movie barely broke even so a lot of people didn’t get the idea of the story. A positive twist to this is that a lot of people didn’t get the idea of the story, which probably kept the company from being laughed at more than they already were. Zeus wrestled like four matches ever, most of which were short or tag matches so he wasn’t in the ring long. WCW, the geniuses that they are, brought him back seven years later and put him in the main event of another PPV.

Anyway back to the match. The Million Dollar Team won’t let them get inside until Jake fires in the snake to chase them all away. Hogan and Demolition are the champions that you would expect them to be at this point. Zeus wants to fight Hogan one on one but their respective partners hold them both back. Jake starts with Zeus but the actor wants Hogan. They stare each other down and Hogan bounces off Zeus. Hogan pounds away but nothing hurts Zeus at all.

Instead Hulk finds the one weak spot on Zeus by raking the eyes. He slams Zeus down and amazingly enough, IT DOESN’T REALLY DO MUCH. Barbarian hits Hogan in the back of the head and Zeus twists Hogan’s neck around. He starts choking away and it’s a DQ for Zeus who is only pulled off by DiBiase and the promise of money. Just to clarify, we’re giving the Hulkamaniacs, an 80s dream team, a man advantage. Also why would DiBiase get Zeus off Hogan? Wouldn’t Hogan’s pain and agony make DiBiase happy?

It’s DiBiase vs. Hogan now and Hulk is in big trouble. DiBiase hammers away in the corner but Hulk gets a boot up in the corner and there’s the tag to Jake. A clothesline puts DiBiase on the floor and it’s off to Ax who demolishes DiBiase with ease. Smash comes in and they both pound Ted down. Back to Hogan who triple teams DiBiase along with Demolition. Back to Ax with a clothesline but DiBiase elbows him down out of desperation.

Off to Warlord as these two teams are still feuding even a year later. Come to think of it there wasn’t much else in between for those guys either. Dang did the division fall that fast in just a year? A shoulder breaker puts Ax down but Barbarian misses a middle rope elbow. Off to Warlord again but he gets clotheslined down. Fuji trips Ax up and a basic elbow drop is enough to tie the score.

It’s Smash vs. Warlord now but it’s quickly off to Hogan. Hulk softens him up to bring in Jake, which Jesse calls a mismatch. That’s likely based on power but I’m pretty sure Jake is taller than Warlord. Off to Smash but Warlord pokes him in the eye to take over. Back to Barbarian whose big boot is caught but Smash misses the elbow. DiBiase comes back in with those falling punches of his which get two.

It’s chinlock time with a knee in Smash’s back. DiBiase misses a middle rope back elbow of all things but Smash won’t tag for some reason. Barbarian makes a blind tag so the hot shot Smash hits on DiBiase doesn’t count and Barbarian takes his head off with a top rope clothesline for the pin. Jake comes in next but he can’t DDT Barbarian. Barbie whips Jake into the corner with authority although I’m not sure who’s authority it was.

Back to Warlord as things slow down a lot due to exhaustion. Jake dives for a tag but DiBiase slaps Hogan to draw him in instead. DiBiase piledrives Jake but Roberts gets a foot on the ropes to Jesse’s annoyance. Barbarian misses a headbutt and there’s the hot tag to Barbarian. He cleans house and gets two on Barbarian off a big boot. A suplex gets the same and my goodness how rare is it to see Hogan get a two count? Hogan fights off both Powers of Pain but they catch him in a spike piledriver which is good for a DQ for both of them, making it Hogan/Roberts vs. DiBiase.

Dibiase drops knees on Hogan before slapping on the Million Dollar Dream. That eventually gets two arm drops and Jake makes the save. That’s actually a nice touch as it makes the hold look stronger by needing a save instead of Hogan saving himself. Hogan finally breaks the hold and punches a jumping DiBiase. Hot tag brings in the Snake who cleans house. Jake drives in knees on DiBiase’s head as Hogan is dying in the corner.

Here’s Virgil to interfere and take the DDT. DiBiase drops a fist on Jake and puts his feet on the ropes to steal the pin. Ted pounds on Hogan who is still reeling from the long Million Dollar Dream. I’ll give him credit as that’s some great selling of a hold like that. Off to a chinlock and Hogan taps, which wouldn’t mean a thing for years. Hogan breaks the hold but they clothesline each other. DiBiase belly to back suplexes him and it’s Hulk Up time. You know the rest and there’s the legdrop.

Rating: C. There’s one major problem with this match: the first four minutes of this match give away the ending almost immediately. How can you give Hogan, Roberts and Demolitio a man advantage that fast? I’m not saying Hogan should have lost, but the Zeus stuff could have come later in the match and worked much better. Have Zeus stand on the apron most of the match and it would have worked fine. The fans finally reacted though.

Time for a singles run, starting at Wrestlemania VI.

The Barbarian vs. Tito Santana

This is Bobby Heenan’s debut as Barbarian’s manager. Barbarian takes him into the corner to start but Tito comes back with punches to send Barbie to the floor. Back in and a big hip toss puts Tito down but Santana comes back with right hands to the head for two. They run the ropes and Barbarian kicks Santana’s head off to take over. When all else fails, kick the other guy in the face.

Barbarian misses a middle rope elbow but Tito can’t take him down with a dropkick. The flying forearm takes Barbarian down but Heenan puts his foot on the rope. Barbarian slugs him down and goes up top for a BIG clothesline off the top (and a SWEET bump from Tito) for the pin.

Rating: C-. The shot at the end makes up for most of the match sucking. Tito looked like he was dead out there and the flip backwards made it look even better. This was just a way to set up Barbarian as a singles guy which went absolutely nowhere. The guy stayed employed over the years if nothing else though so he’s got something up on a lot of people. Tito was officially a jobber to the stars at this point.

The singles run didn’t work out so well and it was back to another tag team. Here are Barbarian and Haku in the opener of Wrestlemania VII. I’ve always really liked this match.

Haku/Barbarian vs. Rockers

Shawn and Haku get us going with Michaels trying to speed things up, only to be slammed into the corner. The second attempt at flying around works a bit better as a dropkick puts Haku down. The Rockers do some of their double teaming stuff but Barbie takes them down with a big double clothesline. Shawn and Marty double superkick him down though and the Heenan Family has to regroup a bit.

We get down to Marty vs. Barbarian again and speed takes over one more time. A sunset flip doesn’t work for Jannetty but Barbarian punches the mat. A rana takes Barbarian down and Marty pounds away for two. Off to Haku and a double headbutt puts Marty down again. Jannetty loads up another rana but the foreigners hit a double hot shot onto the top rope to really take over this time.

A gorilla press plants Jannetty and it’s time for more heel double teaming. Marty comes back with something like a cross body for two but the speed continues to get beaten down. By speed I mean the drug of the day for Jannetty of course. Back to Barbarian for a bearhug followed by a powerslam so wicked that the fans pop for it. The falling headbutt misses though and it’s hot tag time to Shawn. Things really do speed up now but Shawn gets kicked in the face to slow him down. That goes nowhere for the villains though and it’s a Michaels cross body off the top for the pin on Haku.

Rating: B. Just a fast paced tag team match here with power vs. speed. This is one of those formulas that works no matter how many times you do it as long as you have talented guys in there. The future Faces of Fear were fine as monsters for the Rockers to conquer and it set a good pace for the show here. Solid opening match.

Back to WCW as a tag guy, starting at Clash of the Champions XX.

Barbarian/Butch Reed vs. Dustin Rhodes/Barry Windham

Barbarian and Reed are both associates of Cactus who is on commentary. Rhodes drops to the mat so Barry can run over Barbarian before double dropkicks send the heels to the floor. Things settle down with Barry getting two on Barbarian via a rollup before it’s off to Reed vs. Dustin. Butch runs into a boot in the corner but avoids a charge, sending Rhodes out to the floor.

Barbarian and Reed drop Dustin with a double back elbow and Barbarian hammers away a bit more. Reed gets two off a powerslam and pounds right hands into Dustin’s head. Dustin gets rammed back first into the buckle and a knee to the ribs is good for two. We hit the reverse chinlock for a bit but Rhodes fights up with an elbow to the jaw.

A double clothesline puts both guys down and Dustin makes the tag to Windham. Reed comes in as well but gets taken dropped with a running clothesline. The superplex drops Barbarian and a double dropkick sends Reed outside, but Barbarian gets back up and kicks Barry’s head off for the pin.

Rating: C. Nice little tag match here with both teams getting to look good in the process. Windham and Rhodes weren’t a bad team at all and the monsters worked well against them. Reed and Barbarian almost had to get the win here to set up Reed vs. Simmons, which makes Barry and Dustin a curious selection for opponents.

Now we get to one of the biggest overpushes I can ever remember with Barbarian getting a World Title shot at Halloween Havoc 1992.

WCW World Title: Barbarian vs. Ron Simmons

Yeah it’s THAT Barbarian. See, for some reason WCW decided that the big names should go after the NWA Title while the WCW Title was treated like a midcard title. Simmons has a HUGE entourage bringing him to the ring. Barbarian is a Jack surrogate as Cactus is injured. They stare each other down forever and feel each other out before Barbarian pounds him down in the corner. Simmons comes back and Barbarian bails to the floor.

Barbarian gets a Stunner over the top rope to take over again and sends Ron to the floor. No one cares about this match at all and I can almost guarantee they’re not going to get the fans to care based on how good (and I use that word loosely) the match will be. Barbarian rams him into the post and then into the railing as this is already dragging less than five minutes in.

Back in and Ron hits the absolute worst sunset flip of all time for two. Barbie hooks a LONG cobra clutch which looks more like an armpit claw but whatever. A top rope elbow misses and Simmons gets a chance to breathe. They slug it out but Simmons channels the power of football to hit a bad spinebuster for two. Simmons misses a clothesline but Barbarian sells it anyway.

There’s a three point shoulder block but Jack has the referee. Barbarian kicks him in the back of the head and sends him to the floor as a result. Back in and Simmons is nice enough to roll three feet to the left so that the top rope headbutt can hit. Once that gets two, Barbarian’s chances are done. Simmons grabs a powerslam out of nowhere for the pin to retain.

Rating: F. The Barbarian just co-main evented a show. This was treated like a worthless match and to be fair, there was good reason to do that. It came off like a bad main event of a C level TV show, which goes a long way to explain the troubles this company was having around this time. Just awful here.

This didn’t lead anywhere so it was back to the WWF as a new Headshrinker named Sione. Here he is at Survivor Series 1994.

Teamsters vs. Bad Guys

Diesel, Shawn Michaels, Owen Hart, Jim Neidhart, Jeff Jarrett

Razor Ramon, 1-2-3 Kid, British Bulldog, Headshrinkers

Diesel and Shawn are tag champions but they’ve having issues. Owen and Neidhart are a semi-regular tag team. This version of the Headshrinkers is Fatu and Sione, more famous as Rikishi and the Barbarian. Razor is IC Champion. I didn’t know that for sure but it’s the mid 90s so I took a shot in the dark. Shawn keeps slipping in front of Diesel to steal the spotlight. That’ll become important later.

It takes awhile to decide who starts before we get Kid vs. Owen. This should be good. The fans chant 1-2-3 which sounds something like RVD. Before there’s any contact it’s off to Neidhart which won’t be as interesting. Neidhart hits a shoulder block to start but gets dropkicked down. Another shoulder gives the Anvil control though and it’s off to Jarrett. Things speed up a bit and Jarrett loses the advantage Neidhart got him.

Off to Sione, who is someone I’ve talked about before but I’ll do it again here. This guy continuously had work for nearly fifteen years, which is impressive when you consider how basic the main character he played was. The guy was always around though other than in the dying days of WCW. Anyway here he gets dropkicked in the back but powers out of the cover with ease.

Off to Owen who wants the Bulldog. Davey comes in to a big ovation and they trade insane counters to wristlocks. Owen gets catapulted into the good guy corner, which is actually the Bad Guy corner, but the Bad Guys are the good guys in the match if that makes sense. Bulldog gets kicked in the face by Hart and it’s off to Neidhart for a double clothesline. Then Bulldog hits a double clothesline on Hart and Anvil, followed by the delayed vertical on Neidhart.

Fatu hits a top rope headbutt for no cover. Instead he tries to take his own boot off because he’s used to wrestling barefoot. Jarrett comes in and is immediately powerslammed before it’s off to Razor. Jeff immediately bails and it’s Razor vs….Jarrett still. Double J takes Razor to the mat and MESSES WITH HIS HAIR! Oh he’s so EVIL! A big right hand by Razor staggers Jeff and a clothesline puts him on the floor. This is a very hot crowd so far.

Back in and Jarrett escapes an atomic drop and punches Razor in the face to get himself in even more trouble. Off to the Kid who Razor gives a fall away slam to send him straight into Jeff in a cool move. Jeff hooks an abdominal stretch with some cheating from Shawn. That eventually gets caught and the Kid hooks a stretch of his own which doesn’t last long. Off to Fatu vs. Owen but all of the Canadian offense results in Samoan dancing.

A blind tag is made to Diesel and it’s a clothesline and a Jackknife to take out Fatu. Kid runs in and hits a dropkick but a top rope sunset flip is easily countered into a chokebomb. Jackknife finishes Kid a second later. Here’s Sione to pound away but he can only stagger the big man. ANOTHER Jackknife makes it 5-2. Diesel put out three guys in 70 seconds. Bulldog comes in and pounds away but a big boot puts Smith on the floor where he brawls with Owen to a countout.

So it’s Ramon vs. all five guys and he starts with Diesel. A discus punch puts Diesel down as does a middle rope bulldog. Diesel gets a clothesline in to take Razor down and Shawn screams for a Jackknife. The future Outsiders slug it out but Diesel drops him on the buckle in a snake eyes. Ramon comes back with a slam and calls for the Edge but Diesel easily backdrops him down. A big boot puts Razor down and there’s the Jackknife.

NOW Shawn wants in but he asks Diesel to hold Razor. Those of you paying attention should know what’s coming, and there it is as Shawn superkicks Diesel by mistake. Apparently this has happened a few times before and Diesel is MAD. Diesel destroys the rest of his team and stalks Shawn up the aisle. Ramon is the only one left in the ring and somehow the countout eliminates EVERYONE on the Teamsters to make Razor the sole survivor.

Rating: C. This was all angle and not much wrestling. This was the big face turn for Diesel which would result in the world title incredibly soon after this. It was a face turn that made sense too as he was tired of Shawn telling him what to do and getting hurt as a result, so he gave up and went after Shawn. Ticked off giants are very fun, so the first few months of Diesel Power were fun stuff. It was the other eight or nine months that stopped being fun.

It was back to WCW soon after this for a reunion with Haku, now known as Meng as the Faces of Fear. Here they are on Nitro, June 3, 1996.

Faces of Fear vs. High Voltage

High Voltage were face jobbers named Kenny Kaos and Robbie Rage. This is their debut apparently. Oh theyre Ruckus and Kaos at this point. Their names would change soon. Kaos and Barbarian start us off but High Voltage double teams to take the Tongan down. And never mind as Barbarian hits a big old powerbomb to put Ruckus down and brings in Meng. Pumphandle slam by Barbarian puts Ruckus down and a top rope belly to belly half kills him. Double top rope headbutt and a superkick (called a Mafia Kick) ends this slaughter. Just a squash here as Kaos was totally worthless.

The Faces of Fear were part of the Dungeon of Doom. Here they are as a unit on Nitro, September 2, 1996.

Four Horsemen vs. Dungeon of Doom

It’s the Faces of Fear, Big Bubba and Kevin Sullivan. Sullivan vs. Mongo to get us going. I’m not sure that’s the best combination but we’ll get to the better stuff soon. Mongo takes a double stomp to the chest and instead of hurting him, it fires him up. A shoulder block brings Bubba in and they’re on the floor already. Off to Benoit vs. Barbarian and Sullivan’s interference doesn’t work.

The cops are in the back for some reason. Here’s Flair to a huge pop. And let’s get away from the guy the fans want to see as we need to watch Sting and Luger chase Nick Patrick. Patrick runs towards the limo but turns away from it instead. Ted DiBiase is getting into the limo so Sting throws a brick through it, because every major sports arena has a pile of readily available bricks next to it. The limo drives off so Sting and Luger steal a cop car and chase after it. This is never going to be prosecuted is it?

Back to the ring and it’s Flair vs. Meng. Flair hits him low and the referee is cool with that. Bischoff actually mentions that Sting and Luger will be going to jail. We cut to the back and see the police guard calling in the stolen cop car. Yeah because THIS was necessary to see instead of the match right? Barbarian slams Anderson and drops an elbow so he can load Anderson into the Tree of Woe.

Anderson hammers on Bubba and counters a Meng piledriver. After a break Anderson falling into a tag to Benoit and things start to break down. We get to Sullivan vs. Benoit and I’d believe this is at least partially shoot. The Dungeon beats Benoit down and the Horsemen are busy thinking of ways to beat up Dusty Rhodes I guess because they don’t bother making the save. Flair breaks up a pin off a spinebuster and everything breaks down again.

They head to the floor and Flair grabs a chair as Bischoff plugs a Muhammad Ali documentary. Back inside and Bubba does the really stupid looking spot where you intentionally jump into the other guy’s boot. Off to Sullivan and Benoit who get to chop each other a lot. The Faces of Fear beat up the Canadian a bit but Benoit hits a cross body out of nowhere but gets double teamed again.

Things break down a little bit as Anderson plants Bubba with a spinebuster but Barbarian breaks up the tag. This has been going about 15 minutes already so it’s getting a lot of time and that’s including the time in the back. The Faces of Fear try a double top rope headbutt but Benoit rolls away and FINALLY gets the tag, bringing in Naitch. Everything breaks down for about the 5th time and Flair puts the Figure Four on Sullivan and Woman does….something to help Flair get the pin with the hold still on.

Rating: C+. Long match here as it went nearly 20 minutes. It’s a good example of how long doesn’t make it good though as this match is really just ok. Benoit and Sullivan kept trying to have this big brutal feud but it just went on forever with the same brawls and it stopped being good after about the first two. Anyway, not bad here but nothing more than that.

Here’s a three way tag on PPV at SuperBrawl 1997.

Faces of Fear vs. Harlem Heat vs. Public Enemy

This was supposed to be a four corners match with the Steiners but the Outsiders and Syxx ran their car off the road to injure them, filmed it, and AIRED IT ON NITRO. Naturally the Steiners said let us win the titles in a match instead of, you know, PROSECUTING THEM AS FELONS! This isnt for the #1 contender spot because the Steiners arent in it if that makes sense.

Rocco Rock is bald now. Rock and Barbarian start us off. Powerslam gets two for the Samoan/Tongan/stereotype of the island monster. Stevie comes in and Rock gets beaten up a bit more. Grunge comes in and Heat takes him down with ease. Booker gets the axe kick for two on Grunge. Dusty is of course losing his mind over everything here and wont shut up.

Booker gets a side slam and a Spinarooni to set up the Harlem Side Kick to take Grunge down. Meng comes in and beats on Booker a lot, including hitting a dropkick of all things. Clubberin commences and Booker is in trouble. Belly to belly superplex gets two for Barbarian. Meng hits a Piledriver on Booker for two. The Islanders hit their signature powerbomb combo for two and everything breaks down. Public Enemy hits a double team move off the top with no tag whatsoever and the referee is like whatever and gets the pin on Barbarian. Sure why not.

Rating: D-. So this was a bad match with nothing on the line and the ending was completely against tag team rules. Well of course it was. And this made it to PPV. Having Tony remind us that even though Public Enemy won a big tag team match but ARE NOT #1 contenders really points out how stupid this was.

Time for a singles match on Nitro, August 18, 1997.

Barbarian vs. Mortis

This feud isn’t exactly lighting the world on fire but it’s nice to see a story getting to run its course. During Mortis’ entrance, we hear about Jericho winning the Cruiserweight Title on Saturday Night. Mortis kicks away to start and pounds Barbarian down into the corner. Barbie misses a charge into the post and Mortis hits a Fameasser off the middle rope for two. The guy not in a mask comes back with a powerslam and pounds Mortis down in the corner. Mortis goes up again but dives into a powerslam for another two count. The Kick of Fear ends Mortis a few seconds later. Wow Barbarian gets a clean win on Nitro. That’s different.

Time for the showdown that not many people were asking for on Nitro, February 16, 1998.

Meng vs. Barbarian

This is the brawl you would it expect it to be from the start with both guys on the mat pounding away. Back up and Barbarian charges into an elbow in the corner but Meng’s clubbering is countered by a whip into the corner. They pound on each other even more with Barbarian taking him into the corner and both guys shouting a lot. Headbutts have no effect on both guys but Meng staggers him with a big boot. Jimmy Hart breaks the wooden chair over Meng’s head to no effect so Meng puts him in the Deathgrip. Barbarian hits four straight Kicks of Fear to put Meng down for the pin.

Rating: C. This falls into the category of entertaining nonsense. Sometimes there’s nothing more fun than having two monsters beat the tar out of each other for a few minutes. Barbarian kicking Meng in the head over and over was a good idea to end the match and it made for entertaining TV. What more could you ask for from this pairing?

The team reunited and had a match on Nitro, January 25, 1999.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Faces of Fear vs. Fit Finlay/Dave Taylor

Lumberjack match with a lot of lower card guys plus Rey Mysterio Jr. surrounding the ring. Remember that it’s a double elimination tournament. Finlay and Barbarian start things off with Finlay nailing an uppercut and putting on an early nerve hold. Barbarian presses out of a cover and sends Finlay to the floor. That goes nowhere so Finlay comes back in for some more uppercuts.

Barbarian slams Finlay down and it’s off to Meng for some clubbering. Taylor gets the tag and the Europeans clothesline Meng down. Meng and Taylor chop it out with the monster getting the better of it and bringing Barbarian back in to pick the bones. After a beating from both monsters, Taylor is allowed to tag Finlay back in for a brawl with Meng. Finlay gets in a few shots to the ribs but makes the mistake of going after Meng’s head.

Fit is sent outside again for nothing from the lumberjacks as the crowd still has nothing to care about. The rolling fireman’s carry has Barbarian in trouble but Meng breaks up Taylor’s butterfly suplex. A double headbutt gets two on Taylor as everything breaks down. Meng backdrops Taylor into a sitout powerbomb from Barbarian (not as smooth as it sounds) gives the Faces of Fear the win.

Rating: D+. Not a horrible match but it was really dull stuff. That’s the problem with a lot of tournaments: you have to sit through matches like these with teams that people don’t care about and only limited chemistry to make the match work at all. It was watchable from a technical standpoint but nothing more than that.

After WCW went under, Barbarian went on a tour of Australia headlined by Dennis Rodman. Here he is at I-Generation Superstars of Wrestling, also known as Rodman Down Under.

Barbarian vs. Brute Force

Force is Brutus Beefcake and this is a hardcore match for no apparent reason. Brutus pulls Barbarian away from posing for a trashcan shot to start things off. Some broomstick choking has Barbarian down in the corner but a low blow stops Force’s force. Yeah I know that was bad but this show is dumbing me down and we’re not even half an hour into it. A headbutt low gets Barbarian yelled at for no reason but a trashcan to the head is fine. The announcers talk about a popcorn machine as Barbarian stomps him down in the corner. I could go for a hot snack to keep me awake too.

We head to the floor with Barbarian being rammed into the table and hit with the trashcan again. Barbarian fights from his back with trashcan lid shots but has to avoid a shot with the steps. Back in and Brutus is hit with a 2×4 and punched in the head a lot. Some choking with a chain does no good for Barbarian as Brutus comes back with an atomic drop and a low headbutt. A Stunner, a DDT and a piledriver get two each for Brutus but a single kick to the chest/ribs is good for the pin for Barbarian.

Rating: D-. This is a good example of the problem with gimmick matches: there’s no reason for this to be a hardcore match so it’s just two people hitting each other with trashcans for ten minutes. That doesn’t make for an interesting match but rather a boring waste of time until we get to a very stupid finish that made Barbarian of all people look tough instead of the hero.

Barbarian was never going to be named Wrestler of the Year or anything like that, but he had a gimmick that was always worth keeping around because you can always use a good savage monster. He kept getting work with basically the same character for years so there must have been something there. Barbarian was a character wrestler and a lot of the time that’s all you need to be.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Wrestler of the Day – October 15: Funaki

Today’s Wrestler of the Day loves the way Stallone says YO in Rocky: Funaki.

We’ll pick things up at the usually awesome Super J Cup in 1995.

Super J Cup First Round: Sho Funaki vs. Ultimo Dragon

Dragon seems to be the heel here. He steps on Funaki’s back to start but has to escape a Fujiwara Armbar attempt. Instead Funaki puts on a leg bar to send Dragon rolling out to the apron. A plancha takes Dragon out again and Funaki goes back to the leg. Back up and they slug it out with Funaki taking over again with a headlock. Funaki grabs another leg lock so Dragon slaps him in the face and puts on one of his own.

They keep fighting over the leg locks with Funaki getting the better of it and keeping Dragon on the mat. Dragon grabs his own leg lock at the same time before they both get back up. A botched hurricanrana takes Funaki down and a Lionsault press gets two. No selling of the leg to be found in case you were expecting any for some reason. A fisherman’s buster gets two for Funaki but Dragon pops back to his feet and hits a hurricanrana followed by a DDT for the pin.

Rating: D+. When half of the match is spent with both guys working a leg and then both guys popping up for speed and high flying stuff, it’s really hard to care about the first half of the match. They looked like they were setting up something good but it wound up being all for naught because selling didn’t seem to exist here.

Off to the WWF now with one of Funaki’s first matches taking place at In Your House XXII.

Kaientai vs. Taka Michinoku/Justin Bradshaw

Kaientai is a three man team (Dick Togo, Sho Funaki and Mens Teioh) who has been attacking Taka for reasons not quite clear. Bradshaw has befriended the much smaller Taka and is backing him up tonight. The good guys (the two) jump Kaientai to start, sending them out to the floor. Bradshaw launches Taka over the top to take them all out until we get down to Taka vs. Funaki. A clothesline puts Taka down but it’s quickly off to Bradshaw, sending Funaki running to the floor for a conference.

Bradshaw gets tired of waiting and chases everyone around until we get down to Taka vs. Togo. Taka hits a tornado DDT for two but everyone else come in, leading to Bradshaw and Michinoku cleaning house again. Back in and Togo gets a sitout wheelbarrow slam to take over ad it’s off to Teioh. A big boot to the face and a release butterfly suplex gets two on Taka and a cannonball attack off the top puts Taka down again.

We hit the chinlock on Michinoku before a powerslam gets two more. Togo comes in off the top with something resembling a Swanton Bomb before it’s back to Funaki for a sleeper. Kaientai starts cheating again with Teioh distracting the referee so Funaki can put on a camel clutch and Togo can hit a quick dropkick to Taka’s face.

Michinoku finally avoids a charge and makes the hot tag to Bradshaw with the big man cleaning house. Togo hits him low though and Kaientai literally uses Bradshaw as a pedestal to pose. Bradshaw throws them all off and cleans house again but Taka’s Michinoku Driver only gets two on Togo. Teioh and Bradshaw head to the floor, allowing Togo to hit a top rope senton backsplash for the pin on Taka.

Rating: C. This is one of those matches that was better than the crowd reaction would suggest. The fans didn’t quite get this style yet and in an old school town like Milwaukee, the reaction really isn’t surprising. Bradshaw wasn’t much of a factor here but Kaientai bouncing off of him was fun stuff.

Now for a very fun handicap match from Summerslam 1998.

Oddities vs. Kaientai

The Oddities are Golga (Earthquake under a mask), Giant Silva (Great Khali’s size and about a tenth of the skill) and Kurrgan (uh….yeah). Kaientai is a four man heel team here and not the comedy guys they would become in a year or so. Golga starts with Light Heavyweight Champion Taka Michinoku and the big man rams his own head into the buckle for some reason. He shoves down all four members of Kaientai as we’re firmly in comedy match territory.

Golga steals Kaientai’s manager Yamaguchi-San’s shoes and blasts various people with it before it’s off to the dancing Kurrgan. He gets on his knees to fight Funaki in a funny bit before dancing even more. Three of the four Japanese guys swarm Kurrgan to no effect as he cleans house anyway. Yamaguchi-San is shoved down again and it’s off to Silva to clean the little bit of the house which isn’t taken care of yet.

Kaientai gets in a fight over who comes in but it’s Dick Togo (Best name EVER) who gets the job. All four guys come in again but they can’t combine to lift Silva’s legs. Silva sends all four of them into the corner and crushes them at once before Kurrgan comes in to whip one into the other three. Silva throws Taka over the top onto the other three as this is complete dominance. Back in and Golga tries a seated senton on Mens Teioh but Taka and Togo hit a double dropkick to stagger him.

Two members of the team combine to slam him and four straight top rope splashes followed by four straight legdrops get no cover. A quadruple dropkick has Golga in trouble but a quadruple clothesline puts Kaientai down. The hot tag brings in Kurrgan who takes down everyone in sight and hits a wicked side slam on Funaki. Everything breaks down as managers Luna Vachon and Yamaguchi-San get in a fight. A quadruple chokeslam is good for the pin by Golga on everyone from Japan.

Rating: C-. The match was nothing but comedy, it was overly long, Golga is the only Oddity that could do a thing in the ring…..and I can’t help but love the Oddities. There’s just something so innocently goofy about them that I smile every time I see Kurrgan do his dance. The match sucked but it has no expectations coming in so it’s completely harmless.

Funaki wrestled on Raw, May 24, 1999, more commonly known as Raw Is Owen.

Hardy Boys vs. Kaientai

The Hardys don’t mean much at all and are low level heels with Michael Hayes managing them. Kaientai rushes the ring and it’s on fast. Double teaming to Matt as the foreigners take over to start. Swanton Bomb (not called that yet) to the floor to Taka by Jeff as the Hardys have taken over.

Jeff tries a Phoenix Splash (moonsault with a twist into a 450) but eats canvas. Michinoku Driver gets no cover and it’s a double tag. Funaki and Matt hit the floor and Hayes interferes. Taka takes both Hardys out as the crowd isn’t that impressed. And the Twist of Fate ends Funaki. Nothing match so no rating.

Time for some hardcore hijinks at Wrestlemania 2000.

We see a conference with the Hardcore Battle Royal participants. Basically it’s a huge free for all and not a traditional battle royal. There’s a fifteen minute time limit and there can be as many title changes as there needs to be. Basically whoever is the last man standing is champion and the 24/7 rule stops after the last fall.

Hardcore Title: Hardcore Battle Royal

Tazz, Crash Holly, Hardcore Holly, Viscera, Joey Abs, Rodney, Pete Gas, Taka Michinoku, Funaki, Thrasher, Mosh, Faarooq, Bradshaw

Crash is defending coming in. He comes in last and we’re ready to go. Remember there’s a fifteen minute time limit. Everyone else fights to the floor and Taz hits a fast suplex on Crash for the pin ad the title in thirty seconds. So now, only Taz can be pinned for the title. A few seconds later, Viscera hits Tazz with a board and gets the title. Now we move into an extended period of hitting people in the head with whatever objects are handy.

We’ve got thirteen and a half minutes or so to go. Someone uses a box fan on someone else and that’s about the most in depth coverage you’ll be getting here. Everyone jumps Viscera and hits him with whatever they can find. Crash appears to be busted open. The Acolytes double team the champion and the beatings continue on everyone for a bit. Hardcore and Mosh beat Viscera down and get two each.

We’re under ten minutes now and it’s fine extinguisher time. There’s so much stuff going on it’s impossible to call. Viscera heads back into the ring and goes up top (for those of you unfamiliar, Viscera is about Big Show’s size), only to be slammed down by the Acolytes. The APA (Acolyte Protection Agency, same team) breaks a board over his back and Bradshaw hits a top rope shoulder to put him down. For no apparent reason they throw Kaientai on top of Viscera, giving Funaki the belt.

Funaki, apparently the smartest guy in the match, grabs the belt and runs away. Everyone catches up to him in the back with 7:00 left. Rodney gets a fluke pin out of nowhere for the pin, which I believe is the Posse’s first pinfall. Joey suplexes him down and wins the title but Thrasher gets a clothesline and the title. Everyone beats up Thrasher now because its their job and we come into the arena again. Pete Gas hits Thrasher with a fire extinguisher and wins the title.

Taz gets his hands on the champion and brings him back to ringside for a beating. A t-bone suplex puts the bloody Pete down for the pin and the title with….dang it they took the clock down. Hardcore sends Taz into the steps for two before Mosh takes a shot at him. Taz rolls up Mosh for two on instinct alone. Now it’s the Hollys and Taz in the ring and three minutes to go. Crash gets cracked in the head by Taz for two which again means nothing. Hardcore puts Taz down and the cousins fight over a cover. Two minutes left and both Hollies get two off a powerslam by Hardcore.

We’ve got a minute left as Hardcore hits the dropkick for two. The champion hits a suplex on Hardcore to send him outside as Crash hits Taz with a trashcan lid for the title. The Tazmission goes on Crash but Hardcore blasts Taz in the head with a candy jar and covers Crash. The ending is screwed up though as Hardcore was supposed to get two but be stopped by the time.

Instead the referee had to stop counting…but Hardcore wins anyway. It made no sense, but either way the important thing here is Taz actually. That jar was made of real glass and when it shattered, some of it got in Taz’s eye. Allegedly he was supposed to win the Intercontinental Title but the reign went to Benoit instead.

Rating: B-. What do you want me to say about this? It was exactly what it was supposed to be so I can’t complain about it in that regard. They beat the tar out of each other with some funny spots and it was contained in one match instead of a big goofy show long angle like we had two years later. This rating could be all over the place depending on your taste for this stuff.

Same idea at Unforgiven 2000.

Hardcore Title: Steve Blackman vs. Al Snow vs. Test vs. Perry Saturn vs. Crash Holly vs. Funaki

This is a Hardcore Invitational which means it’s like Mania 2000: there’s a ten minute time limit and the last person to get a fall over the champion wins the title. Blackman is champion coming in. This was during Snow’s reign as European Champion and what I thought was a hilarious gimmick as he would come out dressed as someone from a different European country every show, in this case Italy, complete with a fish and a portrait of Tony Danza.

They cover the 24/7 rule as that rule is taken away for 24 hours so the champion has a day of rest after the match is over. Everyone goes after Blackman to start and it’s a big mess as you would expect. Saturn takes Trish down and Test is mad. He clocks Saturn so Snow takes Test down with Head. Crash totally botches a rana and is more or less powerbombed. Funaki hits a cross body for two on the champ.

Saturn hits a decent moonsault to take out Crash and Snow on the floor. Everyone is on the floor now with seven minutes to go. Crash and Snow are still in the ring and doing nothing interesting. Test is the only one going after Blackman at this point. Scratch that as Crash gets a shot in and pins him with just over 6 minutes left. He runs down the aisle and right into a trashcan shot by Saturn for the pin. Most of everyone fights into the crowd and Saturn isn’t smart enough to run for the hills.

There isn’t much to say here as everyone is fighting in the same place and there isn’t much to say. With three minutes left everyone is still in the same place they were in a few minutes ago. Saturn and Blackman are at ringside now as is Snow. Saturn is in the ring alone with a stick. Blackman grabs his two sticks while Snow grabs….a pizza box? Snow is back in with two minutes left. Steve gets the kendo stick and beats up everyone, winning the title after a shot to Saturn with it at a minute left. Everyone goes after him but they’re running out of time. Blackman hangs on because no one covers since they’re stupid.

Rating: D. This was boring. At Mania it was at least fun but this had a total of three changes. At Mania there were 11 in just five extra minutes. There was no insanity here and it wasn’t fun at all. That’s not good for a match that is supposed to be designed around total insanity, which this was supposed to be.

Kaientai would become a regular tag team and speak in some usually funny dubbed English voices with Funaki’s only line being a deep INDEED. Here they are on Raw, January 15, 2001.

K-Kwik/Too Cool vs. Kaientai/Tazz

Kwik is commonly known as R-Truth. Some odd pairings here to be sure. Tazz cuts a brief promo. Kaientai’s dubbing gimmick is something I wasn’t a fan of back in the day but now I find it hysterical. Scotty and Funaki start us off. Too Cool hits a Hart Attack of all things. Taka tries a rana but gets caught in a nice sitout powerbomb by Grandmaster. Tazz surprisingly does the worst of his team as Truth comes in. The Worm hits Tazz but after Funaki interference the Tazmission beats Truth.

Rating: D+. Nothing special here in the slightest. It was a quick six man tag to fill in a spot on the card. Tazz would be face by Mania and I have no interest in the other five guys here. Yeah there really isn’t much else to say about this match is there? Why was this on the card again?

And again on Raw, April 23, 2001.


Kaientai vs. Right to Censor

Goodfather/Buchanan this time. The Japanese guys head to the back to get John Elway jerseys to make the crowd love them. They still can’t quite get the lip synching thing right. Paul: “Their lips don’t match!” Jim: “Get out of here!” Another good one: Jim: “The RTC is on a bad losing streak. It’s almost as bad as my broadcast partner’s losing streak with women.” This commentary is on tonight. The RTC fights them off early but it breaks down fast. Buchanan gets crotched but manages to catch a diving Taka. Funaki dropkicks Taka down onto Buchanan and hooks the foot for the surprise pin. This was again nothing.

Time to hit the syndicated shows with Metal on January 26, 2002.

Funaki vs. Perry Saturn

Saturn gets rolled up for a pair of twos to start and Funaki nails him with a low dropkick to the head. Things slow down a bit as Saturn takes a breather, only to come back with a superkick for two. Funaki gets hammered even more and sent flying with an overhead belly to belly. A quick Majistral cradle gets two on Saturn and Funaki follows it up with a high cross body. Coach and Kelly are talking about racism and dancing the Charleston before Funaki gets caught in a kneeling shoulder hold (called the Rings of Saturn here but not the traditional hold) for the submission.

Rating: D. They knew they were on a show no one was going to watch here and wrestled accordingly. This was a glorified squas that just kept going despite it not having any real interest. Saturn is a guy that can go when he’s motivated but that certainly wasn’t the case here. Is it any real surprise that he was gone in a few months?

He would get a singles match at Rebellion 2002.

Funaki vs. Crash Holly

See what I mean about not the most interesting matches? This is Crash’s UK debut apparently. The fans are WAY behind Funaki here. Fast start which doesn’t really get us anywhere. Crash pulls out a Japanese flag (called the British flag by the idiotic announcers) bandana and it’s a kung fu match apparently.

Crash takes over and we hit the chinlock. This show is getting very boring very quickly indeed. Apparently the winner of this might get a Cruiserweight Title shot. Both get rollups for two. Crash attempts an Oklahoma Roll but Funaki lays down on him and gets the pin. This was another rather short match with nothing special about it at all.

Rating: C-. Not a bad match or anything but sweet goodness this has been a boring show and this match didn’t help it. The problem is that there’s no point to this and it’s nothing but filler and everyone knows it. Not a bad match or anything like I said but it would be nice to have something actually matter.

Time for a tag match on Smackdown, April 3, 2003.

Tajiri/Funaki vs. Team Angle

Haas and Benjamin are Tag Team Champions but this is non-title. The champions clean house to start and Benjamin offers a mock bow to Funaki. Tajiri comes in for some jumping jacks and makes things even worse for his partner. A hard double back elbow puts Funaki down and Haas tells him to tag his partner. Tajiri cleans house with his kicks to the face but Charlie takes him down with a belly to back suplex for two.

Benjamin jumps over Haas’ back to land on Tajiri for two more and we hit the Boston Crab. Funaki finally makes a save so Tajiri can hit a double handspring elbow to put the champions down. A hot tag brings in Funaki for some chops and a high cross body for two on Haas. Everything breaks down and Shelton charges into the Tarantula. Haas escapes the tornado DDT though and Benjamin chop blocks Funaki, setting up the Haas of Pain for the submission.

Rating: D+. Pretty dull match here even though I like most of the guys in the match. Funaki didn’t do much in this one and it brought the match down a little bit. Haas and Benjamin were fresh off keeping the titles at Wrestlemania and needed a new team to beat up so why not go the ethnic route?

Back to the hardcore days at Vengeance 2003.

Bar Room Brawl

Shannon Moore, Doink the Clown, Faarooq, Bradshaw, Brother Love, Nunzio, Matt Hardy, Chris Kanyon, Danny Basham, Doug Basham, The Easter Bunny, Sean O’Haire, John Hennigan, Orlando Jordan, Funaki, Los Conquistadores, The Brooklyn Brawler, Johnny Stamboli, Chuck Palumbo, Matt Cappotelli, and Spanky.

There’s a bar set up in the arena and we’re just going to fight in there. Los Conquistadores are Rob Conway and Johnny Jeter in case you’re wondering. Aaron Stevens is the Easter Bunny. He was on Smackdown for a cup of coffee as Idol Stevens in like 05 or 06. McCool managed him. John Hennigan is more commonly known as John Morrison, and this Doink is played by Nick “Eugene” Dinsmore.

In essence, this is a big OVW party as a ton of these guys were in OVW at the time. Most of the jobbers don’t get intros. Spanky is up on the bar dancing. Bradshaw says the rules are that the last man drinking wins as we’re testing the toughness and their livers. Ok that’s creative. Brother Love wants to pray before we start. Naturally it’s just a massive fight with no rhyme or reason to it. The Easter Bunny is drinking bears and getting punched. This is wrong.

O’Haire beats the APA up with pool cues. This is idiotic. Brother Love beats up Shannon Moore. I’d think that sums up why no one buys him. The Easter Bunny goes through a window. A bunny watching this would be traumatized for life. Hardy can’t break a table which is kind of funny.

There’s nothing of any kind of logic going on here at all. Funaki passes out from beer. Bradshaw beats up Brother Love and I guess that gives him the win. He’s the last man standing even though Farroorq is standing next to him.

Rating: N/A. This was a waste of about 5 minutes. Moving on.

We’re going to jump a good bit ahead for a glorified thank you at Armageddon 2004.

Cruiserweight Title: Funaki vs. Spike Dudley

Funaki won a battle royal on Thursday to set this up. Spike is heel here. Technical stuff to start with Funaki working on the arm a bit. Funaki gets him to the floor and hits a baseball slide for two. Funaki slams him off the top and gets a low dropkick for two. Spike goes up and is caught rather quickly with Funaki trying to suplex him down to the floor. That of course fails so Spike lifts him up and drops him down off the top and onto the floor.

That and a running knee strike get two. With Funaki on his knees Spike throws on an abdominal stretch. Fireman’s carry into a gutbuster gets two for Spike and now to the stretch again. The fans flat out do not care. Funaki makes a comeback and gets Spike in the Tree of Woe and gets a double stomp off the top in the same move, actually waking the crowd up a bit.

Funaki makes his comeback, hitting a bulldog and a shoulder-ziguri for two. Spike misses a charge in the corner and Funaki goes up and still no one cares. Top rope cross body gets two. Tornado DDT is reversed and Spike gets a headbutt to the ribs to take him down. They totally butcher a pinfall reversal sequence and Funaki gets down in time for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. Just boring beyond belief here with no one caring in the slightest. Weak match overall as no one wanted to see this match, let alone in the second biggest spot of the entire card. Really didn’t like this, although it did manage to make me doze off for a bit which is a good thing indeed.

Time to put someone over on Smackdown, August 25, 2005.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Funaki

This is Kennedy’s Smackdown debut. Kennedy grabs the mic before the match and doesn’t buy Funaki as Smackdown’s #1 announcer in a cute line. Kennedy shoves him into the corner to start but walks into a right hand and gets armdragged down into an armbar. Funaki misses a cross body though and goes crashing out to the floor. Mr. misses a kind of running stomp but counters a tornado DDT by crotching Funaki on the top rope. The rolling fireman’s carry from the middle rope is enough for the pin.

Rating: C-. Decent debut here but the fireman’s carry looked like something that was setting up a bigger move. That’s the problem with Kennedy’s early days: it took him a long time to pick a finisher until he settled on the Mic Check and it made him seem like he didn’t know how to end a match.

Funaki would be put into the Cruiserweight Title hunt again, starting at Royal Rumble 2006.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Kid Kash is champion coming in and this is Texas Tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Helms is from Raw but is here because it’s an open invitational. It’s a big brawl to start and everyone gangs up on Helms. I don’t know if there was a delay of some sort or just a really bad sign, but there are dozens if not hundreds of empty seats visible in the lower arena, most of them opposite the hard camera.

Helms gets beaten into the corner but Kash pulls some other people off for no apparent reason. Nunzio slams Kash onto the mat for one Noble gets two on Nunzio off a powerslam as London hits a dropsalt for two on Noble and Nunzio. Wait apparently those red seats are stairs. Those are rather distracting and the seating structure is odd as there’s a group of about eight seats per row then another set of stairs as opposed to most arenas where there are about twice that many in a row. At least the place isn’t as empty as it seemed.

Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.

Back in and London loads up a shooting star press onto Kash but Helms goes up top at the same time and hooks a swinging neckbreaker to bring London down for two. A brainbuster from Kash kills London again but two guys come in for the save. All six guys are back in the ring now and Kash gets two off a Backstabber on Nunzio. Funaki can’t hit a tornado DDT on Noble and gets caught in a gutbuster for trying. Noble gets sent to the floor by Helms and Gregory hits a Shining Wizard out of nowhere for the pin on Funaki and the title.

Rating: C+. What are you expecting to find here? It’s six guys in the ring all at once and going nuts on each other with spots. There isn’t supposed to be any sort of story or flow to it and there certainly wasn’t here. It was the right choice for an opener and the match worked well enough for its purpose. Fine but nothing memorable at all. Helms would hold the title for over a year.

And again at Great American Bash 2007.

Cruiserweight Title: Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Shannon Moore vs. Jamie Noble vs. Funaki

It’s a five man match but remember that this is a Cruiserweight Open, as in anyone can get in on this. Chavo is champion coming in. This is the dying days of the title as this was thrown on the card yesterday with no story. They did these kind of matches for probably a year. Hornswoggle is on the floor and hides under the ring. Chavo tries to run but gets thrown outside instead. This is one fall to a finish.

This is one of those matches where you can’t really keep up with anything so the whole thing is pretty all over the place. Chavo comes back in and Cole talks about his Latina wife. Shannon gets two on Chavo but Funaki hits a cross body onto both of them for a combined two. Powerslam gets two for Noble but Chavo breaks it up again. Chavo hooks some freaky rollup on Yang and transitions into a half crab but it gets broken up by Funaki.

Moore slams Funaki into the buckle HARD. Noble vs. Moore now. Make that Noble vs. Funaki. See what I mean about how there’s no point in trying to call this? Funaki gets an enziguri for two on Moore. Gory Bomb to Funaki gets two for the champ. Almost everyone goes to the floor so Yang sets for a dive. Chavo stops it and it’s Tower of Doom time. Noble is down and here’s Horny to come off the top with a Tadpole Splash to win the title.

Rating: C-. Like I said there’s only so much you can do in these. The ending is totally legal when you think about it: he’s certainly small enough and it was an Open so anyone can enter at any time right? This wasn’t anything great but it was very clear that the title was done. And no it wasn’t Horny that killed it. The belt was long since dead.

Here’s one of his less competitive matches on Smackdown, March 21, 2008.

Kung Fu Naki vs. Edge

Edge is World Heavyweight Champion but this is of course non-title. Feeling out process to start with Edge quickly snapmaring him down and smirking. Edge gets bored with the easy stuff and kicks Funaki’s head off to put him into the corner. A swinging neckbreaker drops Funaki again and Edge slowly punches him around the ring. The spear connects out of nowhere but Edge pulls him up at two. Instead he tombstones Funaki to send a message to the Undertaker before this Sunday’s Wrestlemania.

Rating: D. This was more story development than a match and there’s nothing wrong with that. Edge beating up Funaki is fine and doesn’t hurt anyone so why not do something like this? The wrestling didn’t need to mean anything and Funaki was treated like the jobbiest jobber who ever jobbed. In other words, he made the champ look good like he was supposed to.

We’ll wrap up Funaki’s WWE run with this match on Smackdown, January 30, 2009. Funaki is now Kung Fu Naki, who had one of the most awesome theme songs ever.

Umaga vs. Kung Fu Naki

Funaki walks into a superkick, gets crushed with the hips in the corner, and Samoan Spiked for the pin.

One more match at TNA One Night Only: World Cup of Wrestling with Funaki being brought in as a member of Team International.

Doc/Knux (Aces and 8’s) vs. Funaki/Petey Williams (International)

Funaki gets thrown into the corner and stomped down during the entrances to give the bikers an early advantage. Doc gets things going against Funaki and the dominance begins quickly. Funaki is dragged into the heel corner and it’s off to Knux for some clubbing forearms and more double stomping. Some right hands have no effect on Knux but Funaki keeps swinging and actually staggers Doc. The bikers easily break up the tag attempt though with Doc taking Funkai down to the mat in a leg lock.

The slow beating continues and there’s not much to talk about here. It’s the same power offense over and over again on Funaki as we’re over five minutes into this. Funaki’s sunset flip is easily blocked but Knux sits on the mat instead of Funaki’s chest. The hot tag is broken up again though as the beatdown continues. Knux puts on a front facelock and we get the unseen tag for old times’ sake. Funaki stops a charging Doc with a boot in the corner but his tornado DDT is broken up.

An enziguri is FINALLY enough for the hot tag to Williams as things speed up. Petey headscissors Knux into 619 position and dropkicks him in the back as everything breaks down. A running DDT gets two on Knux and Petey low bridges Doc to the floor. Funaki gets two on Doc off a cross body but Knux comes back in with a hammer shot to Funaki for the pin.

Rating: D. This was REALLY boring as it ran nearly fifteen minutes with about twelve of those being spent on a long Funaki heat segment. It doesn’t help that the small guys have never teamed together that I know of and are facing a regular team. Nothing to see here and WAY too long on top of that.

Funaki is a guy that was never going to be considered anything serious and there’s nothing wrong with that. You knew he was going to job 95% of the time but it was really nice to see a title reign as kind of a thank you. He was watchable in the ring and had some funny bits at times, so what more can you ask for? Funaki was a decent guy indeed.

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