Summerslam 1991
Date: August 26, 1991
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Gorilla Monsoon, Roddy Piper

Obviously it’s a year later and there’s few differences. The main one is that Hogan is once again the world champion (stunning isn’t it?) and the Deadman has arrived. Other than that, there are very few differences. Hart is a singles wrestler now, so that’s the last major difference that I was forgetting. This card is really forgotten over time if you look at it from an historical standpoint.

The main event is Hogan and Warrior against Slaughter and his two cronies in a handicap match, meaning that Sheik Adnan al-Kaissie and the Iron Sheik are supposed to be equal to Hogan or Warrior? Remember Adnan? Neither do I. He was a manager in the AWA and that’s about it. The other big deal is tonight is the marriage of Savage and Elizabeth, because marriage, the most holy of unions, has to be on PPV right???

Other than that, this card is really forgettable. The main interesting point in this is what the Warrior did. He allegedly threatened to no show the PPV unless Vince paid him some obscene amount. He pulled this a few days before the PPV, and Vince really had no choice but to do what Warrior said.

This is where the “I couldn’t wait to fire him” line came from. Warrior got to the back after the match and was fired immediately. Other than that, there’s next to nothing of interest here, but I’ve seen worse cards be watchable, so maybe this one will be as well. Let’s find out.

Very standard opening with the song playing and the announcers talking about the big stuff that evening. Standard, but fine I guess.

Ricky Steamboat/Texas Tornado/British Bulldog vs. Warlord/Power and Glory

Steamboat is just called the Dragon here, and this is the famous scene where he’s dressed as a human lizard that breathes fire into the air. That’s a shame that he’s fallen this far this fast. He’d be back in WCW in just a few months where he was at least given some decent feuds and no stupid costume. Commentators completely ignore the match to talk about the matches later on in the show. Wait, they mentioned the six man.

You know I think these six…no it was just a quick thing about it. I feel like I’m watching a Nitro taping. Tornado comes in and all of a sudden they can’t stop talking about the match. I think that’s a bit of a shot at Steamboat by Vince. Literally, he was in there two and a half minutes and got one line about him. He leaves and the commentary is all about the match. We’re about 5 minutes into this and I’m still looking for a point to it.

I think it’s supposed to be Warlord vs. Bulldog, but I’m not sure really. It’s just a random group of faces vs. three heels with the same manager. I’m so utterly bored by this match that I can’t actually think of the words to explain it. It is just so standard and basic that I could see it at an FCW show. The wrestling is fine, but there’s no thought here at all. Faces win.

Rating: D. This was just so boring. Like I said, the wrestling was fine, but dang it was just there. There’s no thought, no story, no reason for this to take place. It’s an ok opener, but I would have wanted to see anything else.

Hey kids! Call this number if you want to hear a prerecorded comment from Savage or Liz about their fake wedding! Your parents won’t mind!

Mr. Perfect says he’s a great champion.

IC Title: Bret Hart vs. Mr. Perfect

Dang this was on second? This is by far and away the best match on the card and a lot of people, including Norcal, says that it’s one of the best matches ever. These two had such a magnificent chemistry together and it’s hardly ever been topped. I defy you to find a better pair of guys to have such consistent matches with. Stu and Helen are there…again. Has there ever been a match with Bret that they haven’t been at?

You don’t see them at Owen’s matches. No wonder Owen was the bitter one. Coach is there with Perfect, and sadly enough his death got NO coverage due to Misawa dying a day later. They start with a great set of back and forth stuff with no one being able to get an advantage. It’s one of those types of openings where you have a guy in control but he’s not dominating at all. Hart does that here by just having on a basic headlock.

Heenan continues to show why he’s as important as anyone on the roster as his lines about Bret’s parents make you want to cheer for Bret more than anyone else could. Perfect gets his singlet literally ripped apart by Hart which makes him look almost crazed about the match. He looks like he’s in a war despite this having been going about 7 minutes at this point. This is a great dynamic for a match as you have the young lion Bret facing the established veteran in Perfect, who has the exact same style.

Crowd is way into this one too, which is making it better. Perfect’s hair looks like he got a bad shock as his perm has practically exploded. He takes over though as Heenan is singing his praises. We get a hair toss, which isn’t something that you see that often in a men’s match. That would hurt too. Imagine being tossed by your hair. If that’s going to happen to me I better be getting paid for it. There’s a good story playing out here as Perfect counters everything that Hart has.

Hart kicks out of the Perfect Plex as the fans and Heenan lose their freaking minds. Heenan says that no one has ever done that, which is nonsense as Warrior did it in 1990. Hart brings up the original 5 moves of doom to put Perfect in “a whole heap of trouble.” Coach breaks this up though so Perfect has control again. He drops a let between Bret’s legs and backflips out of it which is cool looking.

He does it again, and in one of the SWEETEST counters I’ve ever seen, Bret grabs his leg, puts the Sharpshooter on him on the mat from his back, spins him over and then pulls back on it for the tap out. That was sweet. Bret runs over to his family to celebrate. We get to hear Stu’s voice, which I never recall hearing other than this.

Rating: A+. These guys were spot on the whole time. It was a nearly 20 minute match and I didn’t see a single botch or anything resembling a botch at all. That counter at the end was absolute perfection and it played so well into the rest of the match. These two had so much chemistry they might as well be a magnet high school. Great match all around.

Hulk Hogan has a special PPV coming up, which is nothing but his “biggest” matches. Forerunner to 24/7 I guess.

We cut to the back to see the Bushwackers and Andre the Giant, which has to the weirdest pairing of all time. Andre was completely gone at this point with big crutches holding him up. This is explained by Earthquake being the guy that injured him. This was his last major WWF appearance save for popping up at a battle royal in London a few months later, which wasn’t televised until on 24/7 and some special releases.

Bushwackers vs. Natural Disasters

It’s so sad to see the Bushwackers have to walk so slow to let Andre keep up with them. He just didn’t need to be out there at this point but you can see it in his eyes that he’s having a ball out there. His love for the business was so obvious and it’s a shame he wasn’t around for the big boom in the 90s, at least to see it if nothing else. Now in case you’re a freaking moron and can’t figure it out, this is a comedy match.

GREAT line by Piper. Heenan says if he were the manager of the Bushwackers he’s kill himself. Piper says go apply for the job. Piper was a freaking riot when he didn’t like someone. To further make this stupid, the Bushwackers beat them up to start. Can someone explain to me why this makes sense? Piper says that two guys from New Zealand are Americana personified. He can be a riot but he can also be a moron.

Heenan with a Larry, Darryl and Darryl joke to take the lead in the best commentator of the night race. Andre continues to point and grunt about various things. Heenan leaves to interview Hogan as the ND finally take control and the match gets boring. Did the Wackers EVER do anything of note? I can’t remember anything.

Anyway, as expected, this ends with a Bushwacker, the one that licked me at a house show, getting pinned. Afterwards the Disasters go after Andre but the LOD run out for the save and the showdown that I’m not sure ever occurred.

Rating: C-. It was a comedy match. What do you really expect here? It was however, pretty short so it could have been far, far worse.

Heenan goes to Hogan’s dressing room with the NWA title to continue what should have been the biggest showdown of all time, but they somehow screwed it up. Heenan’s unveiling of the NWA Big Gold Belt in 91 still ranks in my top five most awesome moments in wrestling history. Hogan (never seen or heard) slams the door in his face.

More Savage/Liz phone line ads. Macho is shown on the phone line. This is just stupid.

DiBiase and Mooney recap the Virgil/DiBiase history. As bad as Virgil was, this match was actually kind of epic as the pop for Virgil finally turning was pretty big. This is the rematch from Mania 7 where Virgil won by countout.

Million Dollar Title: Ted DiBiase vs. Virgil

The wrestling here isn’t the appeal. Virgil has had very few matches at this point while DiBiase is one of the best in ring workers of all time. Surprisingly enough, DiBiase dominates early on. It’s pretty basic with punches and kicks with a roll-up here or there. There’s just not a lot to say about the first half of this match. Both guys are going pretty light out there which is fine I think, as it’s really more about the storyline than the match itself.

Piper was Virgil’s mentor so he’s cheering wildly for him. Heenan gets in a great line about Virgil being so dumb he’ll try to bronze the gold belt. After about 5 minutes of Virgil getting beaten up, he catches DiBiase in a Million Dollar Dream until Sherri runs in to cause the DQ as Piper absolutely snaps.

HOWEVER!

The referee decides that’s not fair and sends Sherri to the back while ordering the match to continue. Now we get a better match as they’re going a bit harder but Virgil is hurt after being hit by the loaded purse. DiBiase proceeds to kick his body guarding teeth from one side of the ring to the other, but the ref was bumped so we have no one to count the pin.

A piledriver (which is what love feels just like sometimes) puts him nearly out as DiBiase takes off the turnbuckle. Virgil counters and rams him in twice. I don’t like the ending though as it takes Virgil about 20 seconds to get the cover and the win. Piper goes insane over this.

Rating: B. As I said, this was all storyline and it was a very fun one. Virgil rising up to face DiBiase and say that he’d had enough, leading to the big blowoff of him winning the title that literally was DiBiase’s was just perfect. The wrestling was pretty bad, but the emotion makes up for it.

The Mountie says he’ll win tonight.

Big Bossman says he’ll win tonight.

Jailhouse Match: Big Bossman vs. Mountie

The loser spends a night in a New York jail, which is kind of an interesting idea. This was around the time that Mountie was using this stupid shock stick to attack people. Monsoon says this will be a classic. That’s just comical. Piper would finally beat Mountie as he had a vest or something that absorbed the electricity, which is actually brilliant. There’s all kinds of bad prison jokes by Heenan here as this is supposed to be a huge match.

Apparently the loser also gets arrested and will have a criminal record. Dude, seriously, this is absurd. I still can’t get over the fact that Mountie beat Bret Hart and Hogan. You’d think he was Edge or something. This is a pretty boring match as once again it’s all about storyline as the match really just doesn’t live up to the hype.

Gorilla says that Hart is the best advertisement for birth control he’s ever seen. It just kind of happens slowly and no one cares about this match. Bossman wins and they take Mountie to jail, in one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen.

Rating: D. I can’t believe I liked this as a kid. The styles just didn’t mesh. Mountie was better when he wrestled as a light weight, not this. Boss Man was outliving his usefulness at this point, but that can be attributed to them never really giving him a serious push. This whole gimmick as just dumb and the match was even worse.

DiBiase is mad that he lost the title, which was stolen from him.

Hart is happy about winning the title.

Jimmy Hart is with the Natural Disasters and is FREAKING OUT over Mountie. This is a pretty funny bit from him. The Disasters want the LOD. That’s not a good idea.

Boss Man makes fun of the Mounite as we must be on an intermission.

Gene is talking to Savage who is nervous, so let’s plug his phone call thing.

Holy

Freaking
Goodness

They actually put the intermission clock on the screen! It’s 5 minutes of dead silence, with the Savage phone number on the screen. You can hear the crowd cheering something. Boy it would be fun to actually SEE what they’re cheering for wouldn’t it? This is freaking stupid. I’m sitting here for 5 minutes waiting on a clock to count down. Why in the world was this left on the home video? I don’t want to look at a countdown.

Right now I’d rather read a book or something like that. We would have had to pay for this back in the day. After turning off my Best of Starrcade DVD which is more interesting to look at the box of than this countdown, we come back…to the Summerslam logo! My goodness people wonder why no one bought wrestling PPVs back in the day. At least give us some promos or something. Is it really that hard to do?

We go straight to the jail, where Mountie is arriving. My goodness, WHY WASN’T THIS USED DURING THE BREAK? If you want to have a live intermission that’s cool but don’t waste the money of the people paying by making them watch a clock. That’s just wrong. Yeah this isn’t funny.

The Nasty Boys are in the back and Jimmy is still losing it. This is going to be a street fight for the belts against the LOD. The champions leave but first, we go back the jail where Mountie is panicking over everything, this time being photographed which is apparently like taking his soul.

Gene is with the LOD who say this is right up their alley. This promo is more about the Natural Disasters than the title match they have next. But before that silly thing like a tag title match, we go back for more “comedy” as Mountie is offended by getting his fingerprints taken.

MORE promos as I’m just freaking sick of these now. Slaughter and company say they’ll win. This is just ridiculous as we’ve gone 20 minutes since the end of the last match.

Dang it I give up. Sid has to do a promo now since he’s the referee for the main event. Did we really need the 5 minute clock with all these promos? Was this intermission half an hour? We see a video of Sid being offered a spot with Slaughter’s team.

Tag Titles: Nasty Boys vs. Legion of Doom

What the heck, you mean you don’t want to interview the caterers? Like I said this is a street fight for the belts. It’s kind of funny hearing Gorilla have to play babysitter between the two commentators. LOD is WAY over. Piper says that stands for look out dummy. Actually I believe it stands for Legion of Doom there Roddy. Big brawl of course to start us off.

We talk about Sid a lot as the referee tries to get people to tag in and out. I will never get the point of that in a street fight. And after the first few minutes it becomes a regular tag match. Well sure why not. Hawk plays Ricky Morton in a weird casting decision. Sags hits a top rope elbow on Hawk for two as Animal saves.

Animal comes in off the fairly hot tag and yeah this is going to be dominance. The Nasties get in a helmet (Jimmy’s trademark with them for some reason) shot to Hawk which does nothing for the most part. Hawk hits both guys with it and the Device on Sags gives them their first WWF Tag Titles.

Rating: D. This was pretty weak for the most part. It started and ended fairly hot but the middle is just dull. It’s a tag team match for about 5 minutes and the rest is nothing at all. There’s nothing here worth anything other than the LOD getting their first tag titles which took them forever to get. Pretty weak here but it was quick. One thing though: did ANYONE not see the title change coming? Anyone? Nah I didn’t think so.

Uh oh. I think that crazy Mountie might be up to more hijinks. Let’s see what kind of shenanigans he’s gotten himself into this time, that little rascal. Oh look at this! That hilarious Mountie got put inside a cell! What kind of improbably circumstances could he find himself in there? Wait and see!

Survivor Series promo.

I.R.S. vs. Greg Valentine

Yep, it’s a filler on a show with a 5 minute intermission. I wonder if this qualifies for the worst booked show of all time. Valentine was completely done at this point and this was to do nothing but put over Irwin. Both guys here are great workers though so if you can ignore the stupidity of putting this on next to last after the ridiculous amount of filler we’ve already had, this could be a good match.

Apparently Roberts and Taker are in Madison Square Garden which is a huge deal. Yeah it’s not like those two could be on the card or something like that. Oh hey, did you hear that Mountie is in jail? Not sure if I made that clear, but Mountie is in jail for the night. About five minutes into this match, we address it. Remember what I said about this might be ok? I was wrong, this match sucks.

Valentine puts the figure four on him but he gets to the ropes without really selling it at all. He goes for it again and gets rolled up with a shoulder up and kicking out before the three, but I guess the referee says end this suckage now and I’ll buy you an Air Supply album. That’ll keep Valentine distracted for hours.

Rating: D+. I feel so bad for guys like this when the commentators aren’t the least bit interested in the match. At least give them something to work on. No one wanted to see this and it would have been better being much earlier in the show. It was pretty bad, but if the announcers had actually tried, it would have been at least watchable.

Hogan says to buy his PPV in the fall.

Hogan and Warrior are feeling patriotic apparently. The big problem with the whole Iraq storyline was this: the war had ended 6 months ago. There’s a running story/joke that Vince was hoping the war went until May so the main event of Mania would have made sense. Of course, since the writers were lazy even back then, which I believe the writers consisted of Vince back then, let’s just keep it going for another 6 months instead of having a real main event at Summerslam.

Slaughter/Mustafa/Adnan vs. Hogan/Warrior

Let me make this clear: no one freaking cares. Sid is the referee instead of having him face Warrior in what could have been a big match, or a Warrior/Hogan vs. Slaughter rematch which also would have been an interesting match. Ok no it wouldn’t have been but it would have been a real main event. The world champion is in a handicap match at Summerslam. This is so stupid. Let’s get this nonsense over with please.

In case you can’t tell, I freaking hate this show. The faces dominate early as the fans cheer and no one is surprised. The only interesting thing here is to watch Warrior as he knows it’s his last match. Nothing special from him as Hogan gets beaten down and has to get beaten up by a couple of 50 year olds. He even takes the camel clutch from the man he beat for the world title 7 and a half years ago. That’s just weird to think about.

Hulkamania was born less than 8 years before this. They actually acknowledge that he’s the Sheik which I didn’t remember them doing. Hogan makes his comeback and tags Warrior, who beats up the heels but then gets beaten down himself. My goodness where do they come up with this brilliant storytelling? I’ve never seen anything like it (tonight at least)!

Warrior with his comeback and then it’s a brawl, no one is interested, Warrior grabs a chair and chases the two near senior citizens to the back because he can’t beat them on his own where he’s promptly fired. Hogan uses some powder and pins Slaughter with Sid doing absolutely nothing of note the entire match. Posing ensues as Sid joins him. This was a BIG waste of time.

Rating: D. There is absolutely no thought in this match at all. It’s two faces against three heels. I don’t think there was any buildup, and if there was it’s not mentioned here. Hogan was about to drop the title to Taker in two months, and Taker isn’t even on the card.

There was a home video released where this same match happened, but Taker was in it instead of the old guy not named Iron Sheik. Now wouldn’t that have been better here? This was called the Match Made In Hell. That’s a perfect title, because it would be perfect in the 8th circle of torment. Horrible match and I’m glad it’s over.

And one more time, we see the Mountie in jail, this time being hit on by a fat biker. See, it’s funny because the biker wants to screw Mountie. See why that’s funny? I want to make sure it’s known that this is designed to be a joke, because I don’t think they made it clear enough. That’s a bit risqué for 1991.

We get the whole freaking promo of Savage proposing to Liz, as this is the match made in heaven. See what they did? Match made in heaven and match made in hell? See how intelligent Vince was to imply one was good and one was bad? Oh yeah that’s awesome indeed. In case that’s not enough emotion for you, we get a 4 minute music video, highlighting their entire history. The thing at Mania was amazing stuff and for the simple reason of it was spontaneous. This is just overkill.

The wedding is of course in the middle of the ring, which is of course set up to look like a chapel. Savage comes out first, in his hat, which has a, I’m not making this up, two foot high feather on it. We even have flower girls and ring bearers. Could this get any sappier? Liz comes out looking stunning of course as the only thing that’s appealing about the whole thing. They say I do and the show ends.

Now for the actual good part: the reception. This was a bonus on some versions of the tape that has some of the best comedy I’ve ever seen. We get the standard stuff: toast, first dance, cake, etc. One thing that’s funny here is Gene says Mr. and Mrs. Macho. Shouldn’t it be Mr. and Mrs. Savage? Now we get to the really good part, as they open their wedding gifts.

Savage opens one and finds a blender. “WE GOT A BLENDER!!!” For some reason this is just freaking hysterical to me. He sounds like he won the WWF Title or something. Anyway, they get some candlesticks to which Savage shouts that next time they should send money. Liz looks at him, wondering what’s this about next time. Savage turns back and yells KIDDING! Then it kicks off as Liz opens a box to find a King Cobra.

Taker appears out of nowhere and blasts Savage in the head with the urn. Did no one see the SEVEN FOOT TALL GUY IN ALL BLACK AND A COWBOY HAT??? Jake comes in with a snake handler’s glove and another snake, yet no one stopped him either. Sid comes in with a wooden chair to run them off as we end with me laughing my head off at it.

Overall Rating: D. This show sucked. It has ONE good match. The rest is bad comedy and a horrible main event. I literally couldn’t remember what the main event was at this show when I was trying to think of it the other day. That should happen at Judgment Day or something, not SUMMERSLAM.

Half the show was dedicated to an unfunny angle that was a waste of time. There is one match that’s bringing this up to a D from an F-. Watch that, and that’s it. This might be the worst of the big four that I’ve ever seen, including WM 11.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 12, 2001
Location: Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman

It’s the final Raw of the Alliance Era and I bet they’ll talk about the Winner Takes All match this Sunday. The fact that this is ending in less than six months has never ceased to blow my mind. There’s no reason for things to have wrapped up that fast, but then again I’m not Vince McMahon so what do I know about how to run a story that could have drawn billions and run for years? Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from Smackdown with Taz saying that he doesn’t trust Austin anymore, earning himself a beating. The Alliance walked out on Austin. Angle told Austin to shove his hat and Austin Stunned him as well.

Here’s Angle to open the show. He talks about how there was a team that had a chance to win it all, but infighting broke that down and now they’re losers. They would be the Red Sox from this season of course. Angle wants Austin here right now, but instead he gets Edge. Edge calls Angle a coward and wants a US Title match RIGHT NOW.

US Title: Edge vs. Kurt Angle

So not only can all three McMahons and both Commissioners make matches, but wrestlers can too. Sure why not. Edge immediately dropkicks him down but Angle takes him to the mat. Edge speeds things up again and takes Kurt down before doing Kurt’s signature pose. They go to the mat again and Edge grabs the arm to control. The half nelson bulldog that edge stopped doing when he got to be a bigger star gets two.

Angle grabs a belly to belly to send Edge up and over to the floor and the challenger is in trouble. Back in that only gets two but Edge is reeling. Edge comes back with a quick flapjack but Angle rolls him down to the ground and it’s off to a chinlock. Edge tries to go up but he jumps into a belly to belly suplex. The moonsault misses and both guys are down.

Edge makes his comeback and the Edgecution and Angle Slam are both countered. Edge-O-Matic gets two and a victory roll gets the same for the challenger. Angle Slam hits and there’s the ankle lock but here’s Kane. Or rather just his entrance for a distraction so Edge can spear Angle down for the pin and the title in a major upset.

Rating: C-. As good as these guys would get over the next year or so, this really didn’t click for the most part. Edge wasn’t ready to beat Angle here so the cheating finish helps, but it still wasn’t much to go on. They were getting there though and their feud in 2002 basically brought Edge up to a new level.

Post match here’s Kane to beat up Kurt. Kane puts him in the ankle lock until some Alliance jobbers come in to get beaten up instead.

Taz has challenged Austin to a non-title match tonight because he’s all ragey.

WWF Tag Titles: Hardy Boys vs. Booker T/Test

The Hardys slide in but get jumped immediately. A suplex puts Jeff down and gets two for Booker. It’s quickly off to Test but Jeff pounds him back. A gutwrench powerbomb stops the comeback but Test’s big boot misses. The not hot tag brings in Matt who cleans house, hitting the middle rope legdrop on Booker for two. There’s the Twist/Swanton to Jeff but Test kicks Jeff’s head off. Everything breaks down and Lita hits the rana on Booker so Jeff can roll him up for the titles.

Rating: D+. YAY the Hardys are champions again! This matters…..why? No really why does this matter? Everything ends on Sunday so this is like the proverbial changing deck chairs on the Titanic. Who cares if the Hardys get another tag title run or if Edge is US Champion? There was nothing here either as it was barely long enough to grade.

Chavo Guerrero and Hugh Morrus come to Vince and ask for jobs if the Alliance loses. Why would I care if they have jobs or not?

Steve Austin vs. Taz

Austin is in jean shorts and a sweatshirt. Taz jumps him as he comes in and pounds on Austin in the corner. A low blow breaks up the Tazmission and the Stunner gets the pin. This didn’t even last 45 seconds.

Shane comes out and tells Austin to get off Taz. The Alliance is waiting in the back for a speech from Austin apparently.

The Desire video is about Undertaker. It still sounds like a perfume commercial.

Stephanie addresses the Alliance and I’m liking the leather jacket on her. She fires Morrus and Guerrero and Austin comes in. He yells at Angle but Shane yells at Austin, saying Austin needs to worry about The Rock. Booker gets yelled at for no apparent reason and this turns into another “we need to come together” pep talk. Then Shane leaves and it turns into an argument.

WCW Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Scotty 2 Hotty/Albert

Scotty gets jumped but Albert (currently Tensai) in a stupid hat makes the save. Stacy gets in for no apparent reason and hits on Scotty but Albert rips her skirt down. That would be more valuable than all of his current WWE run combined. They load up the Worm but the Dudleys pull Stacy out and pull her out and leave. No match I guess.

Jericho complains to Vince about how Rock is too obsessed with the People. Vince tells Jericho to get over it because the match on Sunday is more important.

Regal is warming up when Christian comes in. They have some tea and Regal casually tells him he’s facing Big Show tonight. Christian panics and Regal whispers something to him which calms Christian down.

Hardcore Title: Undertaker vs. Rob Van Dam

Van Dam is defending and he fires off strikes in the corner to start. Taker comes back with right hands in the corner as well but Van Dam clotheslines him to the floor. Van Dam dives at Taker but gets caught and rammed into the post. They go up to the stage and Taker misses a boot so that his leg gets caught in part of the set. Van Dam climbs up said set and dives off with a cross body for a very delayed two.

Rob knocks Taker over to the edge of the stage but Taker knocks him back for the sake of avoiding death. Taker pounds away and slams Van Dam into the set again. The Last Ride is loaded up but Booker runs out to break it up. Booker and Van Dam pound Taker down and they head back inside. Taker fights back but Booker takes him down again. Booker goes up but gets crotched and superplexed. Van Dam comes in out of nowhere and hits the Five Star while Taker is down to retain.

Rating: D. This show is AWFUL. The matches have no thought or effort into them at all and it’s sucking the little life they had left out of the building. Weren’t Booker and Van Dam having issues recently? Well apparently they patched things up off camera because they’re fine now. Nothing to see here and it’s very clear that no one cared at all.

Rock comes in to see Vince and Vince tries to make peace with Rock and Jericho. Rock wants nothing to do with a “moose hunting Twisted Sister wannabe.” Somehow this took almost five minutes.

Here’s Mick Foley for a promo I remember being very sad to see back in the day. Foley says that he’s out of a job no matter what happens on Sunday because about three days after he became Commissioner, Vince came back and made him worthless again. Foley has a lot of things he wants to do with the rest of his life and answering to Vince isn’t one of them. If the WWF wins, Vince can take his job but he can’t take his pride.

Foley goes on a rant and a half about how the title he has in his closet (the WWF Title he won on January 4, 1999) means nothing anymore because EVERYONE has a title anymore and none of them mean anything at all. With the power he has for a little while longer, he’s going to get rid of some titles. Before he tells us how, he goes on another rant about how at Raw and Smackdown last week, he was told he wasn’t needed. I mean, why put Mick Foley on TV in Long Island? “Maybe I’m not needed on the program, but the program sure needs something and more titles isn’t it”.

On Sunday it’s Edge vs. Test in a US/IC unification match (Foley gets the respective titles wrong but that kind of reinforces his point. Neither guy had held their belts for even a month so does it matter?) and the Hardys vs. the Dudleys in a cage to unify the tag belts (for the second time in three months of course). That brings him to the Light Heavyweight and Cruiserweight Titles. “Well X-Pac is MIA. No one knows where he is and no one really cares”. Since Pac doesn’t exist anymore, Regal will face Tajiri instead and that’s that.

I want to talk about this promo for a minute. First and foremost, he’s absolutely right about almost everything he said. At this point, there were 10 championships in the company, and that’s counting the tag titles as one title instead of two. Think that that. On top of that, this was Mick Foley, one of the top stars the company has ever had and one of the nicest guys in the history of wrestling, just erupting on national TV because of how awful things had gotten. This was just over seven months after the best show in wrestling history and it’s fallen this far. Let that sink in for a minute.

Christian vs. Big Show

Non-title of course because Big Show can’t be bothered trying to win the European Title. Show shoves him down to start and throws on a bearhug. Christian is knocked to the floor and DDP comes out. That goes absolutely nowhere as he can’t even get in the ring. Christian brings in a chair but Show hits it into his face for the pin at 1:27.

This is EXACTLY what Foley is complaining about: a champion just got destroyed in less than 90 seconds and why? Christian is defending his title on Sunday but do you think his opponent was even mentioned? Big Show is in the main event of the PPV but he’s here squashing Christian in short order? Why? Does this make him look like a threat in the main event? He’s Big Show, a former world champion and a guy that has main evented Wrestlemania.

Why should Christian need to get crushed like this for the sake of Big Show? There are a dozen guys in the Alliance that you could do this to who don’t have belts, but we just HAD to have Christian get beaten up right? At the end of the day, I doubt very seriously that the WWF could have answered that back then, or they would say it doesn’t matter, which is a big part of the problem.

Anyway the Dudleys come out and break a table over Show’s head before the APA shows up for the save. Not the Hardys, as in the team that the Dudleys are facing on Sunday, but the APA, a team that is in a yet to be mentioned on this show battle royal for immunity from being fired. Little things like that are the way you can tell no one is paying attention or thinking at all.

No one is at WWF New York.

Rock is walking in the back and goes into a room. That’s it. Seriously, that’s all they showed here.

Edge was at a Rob Zombie concert in New Mexico. Riveting indeed. Edge just started using Rob Zombie as his entrance music so we see Zombie perform the FULL SONG. I like the song but if I wanted to watch a music video, I’d watch a music video.

Rock is in his locker room when Jericho comes in. Jericho complains about what Rock called him earlier and Rock complains about Jericho complaining about the people. This is pretty much the ONLY thing that was interesting on Raw at this point. Taker comes in to yell at them and complains about getting double teamed while no one came to help him. I guess when Kane and Big Show, as in the other two members of Team WWF, were getting double teamed earlier, Taker was busy having a meatball sandwich and watching Days of Our Lives, because he certainly didn’t help them out.

Kane comes in and gets yelled at too. Taker yells at the team for not being unified. Big Show is never mentioned at all during this speech. Rock and Jericho, two of the biggest mouths ever, have nothing to say to this. Oh wait Rock says they’re a team and what Taker says is clear. The tall guys leave and Jericho wishes Rock luck. Rock says he’ll be waiting for Jericho.

WCW World Title: The Rock vs. William Regal

Rock didn’t even bother changing into trunks for this. Regal jumps Rock to start and they head to the floor for a bit. Back inside and Regal hits the knee trembler for two. Off to a fast chinlock but Rock comes back with a belly to belly suplex and a DDT for two. They head outside again but Tajiri comes out to Mist Regal. You know, because Rock can’t beat Regal on his own. Spinebuster and Sharpshooter get the win for Rock. This was nothing AGAIN.

Rock calls out Austin and here’s the bald one after a break. They stare each other down and Rock says they go back to Wrestlemania. Rock remembers that night and the next night as well as earlier when Austin says he can beat Rock. Rock hopes Austin jumps to the WWF so Rock can beat Austin up in the WWF for the WWF Title. He says FINALLY but Austin takes the mic out of his hand. Now Austin wants to say FINALLY but Rock takes the mic. Rock tries to say it again but Austin pulls the mic away again. He makes fun of the people chanting Rocky and says FINALLY, but Rock pulls the mic away again. Now Rock makes fun of WHAT. It’s so clear they have NO IDEA how to fill in this time so they’re just messing around.

Austin WHAT’S the crowd for a bit and the fans applaud. Austin says that’s the bottom line but Rock steals the mic before Austin can finish. Rock says what (complete with a stutter that sounds like WOO WOO WOO beforehand) but Austin takes the mic away for about the 9 millionth time. Rock says Austin’s breath smells like strudel. Austin says he (as in Austin) has a beer belly and it’s fuel for fighting but he’s not going to do that right now. Austin says Rock has hurt his feelings and it looks like they’re finally about to fight but instead Austin wants to sing. Yes I said SING.

Austin talks about a rock band called Boston but he doesn’t remember any of their songs right now. Instead he’s going to sing Delta Dawn (complete with a shout out to a fan in Texas with a busted up leg. Ok then) and he does in fact sing the song. Rock counters with The Gambler by Kenny Rogers and we’ve officially entered the point where I have no idea what to think anymore. Rock: “That make you feel better?” Austin: “I feel like crap.” And now, TIME FOR A DUET!

They sing Margaritaville as I’m trying to remember these two singing in front of nearly 68,000 people in Houston. Oh scratch that as that was a thirty minute blood bath in the classic main event of the greatest show of all time. Instead they’re here talking about a lost shaker of salt. Aren’t they supposed to be fighting for their jobs on Sunday? Rock says he’ll never forget and Rock Bottoms Austin. Angle comes in and the big brawl between the teams ends the show. Jericho makes the save with a chair and stands behind Rock but he doesn’t swing it.

Overall Rating: F. I am in awe of what I just spent 90 minutes watching. The last fifteen minutes of this show was a singing contest between two of the three biggest stars in wrestling history. You know, as in the guys that have had the only main event trilogy at Wrestlemania ever. Now don’t get me wrong: the segment was kind of entertaining, but when it goes on for FIFTEEN MINUTES at the end of a dreadful show, it’s only going to be so good. These guys are supposed to hate each other and they look like they’re at a comedy club. Horrible show with a freaking bizarre ending.

Here’s Survivor Series if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/10/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2001-the-end-of-the-alliance-thank-goodness/

Also here is an article I wrote about the Invasion and my thoughts on why it didn’t work and what I would have changed:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/01/28/i-want-to-talk-a-little-bit-about-the-invasion/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Summerslam 1990
Date: August 27, 1990
Location: Philadelphia Spectrum, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 19,304
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Roddy Piper

This is the first PPV that I ever had bought for me and we literally went through three copies of it as the tape itself was literally falling apart. As far as updates go, a few things have happened since we were last around for Summerslam. Ventura is gone which kind of sucks. For once, and this was very rare back then, Vince is handling commentary tonight.

Warrior won the title at Mania, having dropped the IC belt down to no one but Perfect won it in a tournament, becoming one of the best IC Champions of all time. Hogan has been out of action all summer after Earthquake beat him up, and tonight is his triumphant return to face the big man. Warrior is having a token title defense against Rude in a cage, in what would be Rude’s last match with the company before taking a year off before debuting as the Halloween Phantom in WCW a year later.

Finally, and this is actually the most important thing you’ll see, a mysterious person has been sending Sapphire very expensive gifts. It would turn out to be DiBiase, who would begin to feud with Rhodes, leading to November’s Survivor Series. At that show, DiBiase would bring in a mystery partner, who was from Death Valley. It blows my mind to think that matches this old were two months before his debut. He might have even been on some house shows at this point. Let’s get to it.

Anyway, this show is going to have a lot of high grades for pure nostalgia for me, so expect a high overall rating as I know about half the commentary for the show despite having watched it once in about 15 years.

Before the show starts, the version I have comes with a bonus promo from Warrior, standing behind a cage wall. There’s no ring or other three walls. It’s just a single wall of a cage that the belt is handing from. Well of course he’s got a piece of a steel cage!

Don’t you have one sitting in your living room? Standard Warrior insanity here as the big deal was supposed to be that Rude has been in cage matches before but Warrior never has. Does anyone remember Rude in a cage match that meant anything?

In something completely random that’s an exclusive, we get Brother Love’s Summerslam picks. This is very weird as Gene says you can make your picks now, for the MONDAY night showing of Summerslam. Yes, back then, PPVs weren’t always on Mondays. On my tape (homemade), this is AFTER the IC Title match, which is weird because he makes a pick for that match. I put this here because it makes more sense here, but I don’t remember this at all.

It’s billed as a double main event, but it’s Hogan as the centerpiece as usual. Roddy on commentary is just weird but kind of cool at the same time, aside from his anti-Iraq line in the first 15 seconds. This is getting annoying as I’m quoting everything both guys are saying.

Rockers vs. Power and Glory

Shawn is legit hurt coming into this as you can see him limping to the ring. They play on that by having Hercules (Power) hit him in the knee with the chain, making this a handicap match. We start with Paul Roma (Glory, and somehow a future Horseman) against Jannetty. It’s a handicap match which is all it can be. They touch on Shawn’s knee injury as they knew about it coming in so they pretty much had to keep this short.

Almost a third of the match is the brawl where Shawn’s knee is hurt and then the rest is Jannetty fighting for all he’s worth, even hitting the top rope punch at one point. However, he of course falls to the suplex/splash combination and gets pinned rather easily. Shawn gets in after the match is over and they beat on him even more. He of course acts like he’s been shot and caught in a bear trap as he’s put on a stretcher and is carted out.

Rating: B-. Absolutely perfect for an opener. This was all over the place and you had to pay attention to keep up with it. It was fast, in your face, and not bad at all. While for a regular match it would have been horrible, the crowd was hot as always being a Philly crowd, and this got them very awake.

Now the IC Title match is up next and it was supposed to be Beefcake winning the belt from Perfect, but he had the famous parasailing accident that pretty much ended his career. That wasn’t mentioned but it was the case. Anyway, this rookie named The Texas Tornado, Kerry Von Erich took Beefcake’s place and he’s getting the match on about a week’s notice.

IC Title: Mr. Perfect vs. Texas Tornado

Before the match we get promos from both, with Perfect saying he’s perfect. Now we move on to Tornado’s promo, and for some reason I have always loved this one. There’s not much to it, but it just is great to me for some reason. He talks about how he’s going to touch down in the ring and destroy everything in his path, then take the IC title back into the clouds. Something about this is just sweet to me.

Maybe it’s that Von Erich was an amazing talent that sadly would be dead in three years. There’s a somewhat infamous glitch here as Hennig is wearing yellow and Von Erich is wearing yellow in his promo. However, when he comes to the ring he’s wearing white, so I guess they had him change in between. His music is completely awesome too. Yes, I think I’m a Von Erich mark. He’s even rocking the old school sequin robes.

You can tell they made a quick switch as he still had the yellow knee pads on. The crowd here is so ridiculously hot it’s hard to believe. The match itself is actually pretty short and very standard stuff. The crowd being as into it as they are and Hennig’s mind blowingly good selling makes it work though.

He gets Kerry in the corner and slaps him a bunch of times before Von Erich goes off on him, landing a slingshot into the corner which busts his head on the post. Claw hold and Tornado Punch follow for a title change! Afterwards, Hennig falls out of the ring (likely legitimately drunk) and Tornado celebrates as Piper makes fun of him.

Rating: B. This was just pure fun. Perfect was so hated it was unbelievable and Tornado had the skills already that he could make it look good too. That’s the beauty of bringing in a guy from a glorified indy fed: there’s no learning curve. He didn’t have to spend time working with no name guys and you could throw him into the fire, knowing you’d get something good. Great way to put him over here, and it worked like a charm.

Gene is supposed to talk to Sapphire but she’s nowhere in sign. I smell a show wide angle! Heenan runs in to complain about the Tornado breaking rules. Perfect and Hennan’s freaking out is absolutely great. He really did go insane as well as anyone ever did.

Sensational Sherri vs. Sapphire

Oh lord this isn’t going to be good. Sherri is at least good in the ring, but Sapphire? DANG, I saw one of her matches and it made Jackie vs. Trish from Raw in 03 look good (Yes I know it was a tag match so save your corrections). Sherri is in a mask and paint. I guess there’s a point to that. Sapphire doesn’t come out. The music starts again and a third time and no big fat blue rock. Sherri wins by count out. This was purely a way to play to the major angle later on.

Rating: N/A.

Dusty is in the back with Gene saying that something strange is going on. When I was a kid this always gave me chills. In a completely random cameo that becomes unintentional comedy, Dusty calls over Hacksaw Jim Duggan and asks if they’ve seen her. He says no but they’re still looking. Duggan leaves.

He’s on screen all of 6 seconds but it’s just so random that it made me laugh. Dusty talks about the gifts she’s been getting, which are ridiculously expensive. Somehow no one picked up on the fact that DiBiase hadn’t been seen in awhile and only he could afford this. Dusty really is great on the mic. There’s something about his delivery that just flows perfectly.

Tito Santana vs. Warlord

If there has ever been a guy that had all kinds of opportunities thrown to him but just never could pull it off, it’s Warlord. He had an awesome build, a great look, a cool name and he got multiple mini pushes. I think the problem might have been he was too different looking. Maybe it’s that he wasn’t great in the ring. For some reason though, nothing ever worked for him. He wasn’t lazy or annoying or anything like that.

Simply put, he just never caught on. He was a generic big man with muscles, and I’ve never really understood why he didn’t get at least a bit of a reaction. At the time, Tito was a complete and total jobber to the stars. He was in the middle of nothing at the time and was just out there to make people like Warlord look good. Santana would become El Matador soon and it would kind of revitalize his career but not that much.

He was always good for a solid performance though, so it was clear why he stayed around as long as he did. I think I’m starting to get why Warlord never did anything: he’s the most generic guy I’ve ever seen in my entire life as a fan. There is nothing about anything he does that stands out. There’s nothing of note here really, as Santana tries as hard as he can but Warlord hits the powerslam to win the match in the end.

Rating: C+. This is quite acceptable on all levels. It was meant to make Warlord look good and that’s what Santana did. That’s why people like Finlay and Regal have jobs: they can make young guns look good and be realistic threats at the same time. Talents like them are hard to come by which is why they rarely get let go.

Demolition is in the back, and Mooney is confused about why Crush is there. The idea is that the Harts don’t know which two members of Demolition they’re facing. Apparently it’s Smash and Crush tonight. At the time, Demolition is considered untouchable and while the Harts were known to be great, they were thought to be past their primes at this point and only together in name.

You know, they’re actually quite funny on the mics. They tease the showdown with the Legion of Doom, and my god, the collective orgasms that 80s wrestling fans would have had for that match at Mania for the belts would have flooded a small country.

Tag Titles: 2/3 Falls-Demolition vs. Hart Foundation

Norcal and I have called this the greatest tag team match of all time, and I’m still waiting on another to top it. It’s certainly the best gimmick tag match of all time, at least in my mind. Before the match, the Harts say they don’t care which members of Demolition they face. Anvil says he’s not paid to think. He’s paid to be tough like an anvil. That’s a great line.

As they give the promo about giving Demolition massive heart attacks, I’m watching CNN’s coverage of Michael Jackson’s heart attack, which kind of kills the mood. MAN the Harts were over. I’m getting chills watching this. We go about 4 seconds of Smash and Bret before we get a brawl. Anvil comes in and just levels them both, leading to Roddy asking Vince how he would like it if a guy like Anvil came up to him and asked for a date with his daughter.

That’s quite funny considering who Vince’s daughter would become to us. Imagine Neidhart getting the HHH hate. That would be freaking hilarious. I swear his beard has magical powers. Roddy is OUT THERE on commentary. Crush hits a big move and looks at the crowd. Roddy: “We ain’t looking for dairy products here, we’re fighting!” What in the world does that mean? Am I missing a joke here or something?

This match has one of the best flows to it that I’ve ever seen. For the most part, it’s back and forth the whole way with neither team ever truly dominating the other. That’s a very difficult thing to do but when it’s done right, you have a great match. Hart is still the best guy out there, but it’s not like he’s blowing them all away. Demolition were a great team even with the change of Crush, and Neidhart it the absolute perfect complement to Bret.

It’s power and speed vs. a lot pf power, which is a great combination as always. Eventually of course we get a brawl, leading to Jim being knocked to the floor and Bret taking Demolition’s finisher for the first fall. This is what I don’t like about 2/3 falls matches. Demolition just pinned the Harts clean, in a standard tag match, yet the Harts get two more chances at it? I get the stipulation changed the way the match works, but that’s always made me scratch my head.

We begin the second fall with Crush and Hart again, just like the end of the last one, as Hart sells like the master that he is. Piper says that Hart needs to get his back under his feet. Wouldn’t that mean having your feet in the air and sitting down?

The style of this fall is completely different as it’s Hart getting beaten down instead of a back and forth match, which works very well for psychology, as we get a great flow to the match, using Demolition’s finisher as the turning point of the match. Anvil finally gets a tag and just kills Demolition. Easily the best I’ve ever seen him look as at that moment, he looked like he could have beaten just about anyone.

Bret gets back into it and the Hart Attack connects, but Crush, after missing his cue and having the referee save him, dives onto the referee, before picking him up and carrying him around the ring, which causes a DQ. Dang, after that kind of a save and he jumps the referee? Someone get that man a hot pretzel and a ham sandwich. He’s earned them. Crush should get a sandwich as well.

He was just giving the nice little man a hug for saving him on the blown spot. Shame the referee won’t open up his heart and let a little love in. The best part of this is Crush shaking his head, as if to say what did I do? It’s either bad acting or unintentional comedy, but either way it’s funny.

In between falls, Bret gets knocked to the floor. As Jim is looking at him, Ax comes down and hides under the ring. Now we get to the fun parts of this match, which is saying something as this has been great stuff so far.

So here we are now, one fall to a finish for the tag titles. We get down to a good old fashioned 80s style tag match and there’s absolutely nothing sweeter than this. It’s the Harts in control early with their powerslam/splash move, which despite having been used many times is still surprising to Vince. Geez how bad is this guy’s memory? He can’t remember how bad a lot of the stuff he puts on now is and he couldn’t remember stuff 19 years ago?

Anyway, Ax comes out from under the ring for the illegal switch and the Harts are in trouble all over again. Wow, who saw that coming? Did anyone ever have an issue telling Demolition apart? I certainly didn’t. Anvil keeps making save after save as Bret is looking like a human punching bag. As all this is happening, the fans are getting loud for some reason, and as we cut to the entry way, we see why: the most awesome team of all time, the LOD are here!

They pull Smash out from underneath the ring and break up another Demolisher (I know that’s not the name but dang it that’s what it should be called), leading to a slingshot shoulder block into a rollup to give the Harts the titles as the fans go nuts! The best part here is the Harts’ music not playing.

It makes you feel like it was a great shock and that the sound guy wasn’t sitting there waiting to press a button. I’ve always liked how Bret would kiss whatever belt he had at the time. It’s recaps a go-go as the music plays and the fans are going off.

Rating: A+. The fans wanted the Harts to win, they wanted Demolition to lose, and they got it in a SWEET style. This was a great tag match with all 5 guys in perfect flow the whole time. The Harts were the underdogs that we all wanted to cheer for and we got to do it. That’s exactly what the fans wanted and it made the fans happy. Couple that with GREAT wrestling and drama and you get a classic match. Norcal and I are right: this is the best tag team match ever, just for how much fun it is.

Promo for WM 7. My lord they messed this up. There were supposed to be 100,000 people. Naturally, this didn’t happen, so there was a bogus excuse to move the show to a smaller place. I love the promo though and could recite the phone number to you by heart.

The LOD are in the back, saying they still want a piece of Demolition, saying they’re the real big men. The Harts show up saying they’ll fight anyone. The emotion in their voices and the looks on their faces are absolutely perfect.

We go to Sean Mooney who is outside Demolition’s locker room, and he says all heck is breaking loose. I certainly don’t remember this much cursing on a 1990 PPV. I’m quite surprised at this. Apparently they’re mad at the LOD.

Gene is with Sherri, who is so proud of winning, and says she’s been hearing rumors about Sapphire.

Sean Mooney (what are these backstage interviewers getting paid tonight?) is with Volkoff and Duggan, who are a tag team for no good reason. They’re going to win tonight apparently. We get a really bad pun about if their opponents are the Orient Express, this is the American Express, and don’t leave home without them. Dear lord just take me now.

Earthquake and Bravo are with the other interviewer along with Jimmy Hart. It’s a recap of the feud with Hogan and Quake.

Jake talks about snakes vs. rats. While he’s doing this Damien the snake keeps wrapping around his neck and choking him. To his credit Jake never stops talking. This is about hunger or something.
Jake Roberts vs. Bad News Brown

Brown allegedly has over 200lbs of sewer rats but we never see them which is a good thing probably. Yep Jake appears to be drunk. Oh and Big Boss Man is the special referee. No reason at all for it but who cares about logic? Brown jumps him as the referee is on his way to the ring. Brown takes over and goes for a cover with his foot on the chest.

Both guys go for their finishers which of course don’t connect this early on. Brown grabs a chair and drills Jake in the stomach with it in front of Boss Man which is all cool apparently. Jake gets sent into the corner and flashes a screw you sign as he goes down. Classy dude there. Brown goes for a middle rope punch but Jake gets out of the way.

Brown’s offense is different but cool. Piper says something about oily heads and Arabs which Vince naturally ignores. Brown pops him with the chair again and that’s the DQ. That was rather anti-climactic but whatever. He tries to drop a leg on Damien afterwards but Boss Man makes the save. Roddy: you don’t want to hiss off any snakes. Brown jumps him and Jake gets the snake out to run him off.

Rating: C-. This was fine and the fans popped for the DDT as always. For the life of me though, I don’t get why there needed to be a guest referee. He was going to be in the real main event later on, so what’s the point of having him here?

Gene is with Demolition, who says the Harts cheated. For the love of god, how did we never get Demolition vs. LOD? Seriously, this had to be the easiest lay up of a feud of all time, and we never got it.

Brother Love Show

There’s little point here. Love gets a medal from Sgt. Slaughter as we officially kick off he’s the next top heel in the Iraqi sympathizer angle that few cared about but some will say gave you one of the best Mania main events ever. He runs down Volkoff, which would lead to a match…in February I believe. This was just an odd angle that didn’t work for me due to the timing of it, as the war was over when this really got going.

Sean is with the Orient Express and Fuji who say Japan will win. This team was pretty much nothing until the masked one showed up and they started going to war with the Rockers. Those matches were freaking awesome to say the least.

Gene finds Sapphire but she goes into a locker room. She won’t talk to anyone.

Orient Express vs. Duggan/Voljoff

Pure filler here as there’s no point to this other than to further the US vs. Iraq storyline. The faces sing God Bless America as my ears bleed a bit. Duggan proves to be a patriot as this was what he’d always hit Nikolai for when it was the Soviet anthem. Now for your pop of the night (so far) Duggan says bless the troops in the Middle East. This is a very, and I do mean very, basic tag match as Volkoff gets beaten up and Duggan makes the big save after the tag and gets the pin off the three point clothesline.

Rating: D+. It was just so bland that it wasn’t any good. It was pure filler and nothing of note happens here. It wasn’t bad, just completely unnecessary.

Dusty is pounding on the door Sapphire went through but she won’t come out. He has to go to his match but he’s going to get to the bottom of this tonight.

Dusty Rhodes vs. Randy Savage

Savage is the king at this point so he’s feuding with the Common Man, Dusty Rhodes. That’s a perfect feud for both so for once they got something very right. Rhodes’ music is just awesome. He power walks to the ring for a rather bad visual. Mooney is in the back standing on a ladder to talk to Savage who is on the throne. He also talks about the rumors that are going around which he still won’t reveal.

He does say that Sapphire is smart for not wanting to spend her life with a common man. Were Sapphire and Dusty supposed to be a couple? I never quite got that. Savage comes out on the throne. Dang I’ve always loved that entrance. How cool does it look? Savage fit this persona so well because he could back it up in the ring which isn’t something most kings could do. Savage was just so great back then.

Pomp and Circumstance fits the king gimmick so well too. Perfect match all around for him. Right as Savage gets in, you hear the best laugh of all time as DiBiase is on the stage, saying he’s going to prove everyone has a price.

Of course he’s the guy that’s been buying Sapphire everything and he puts it perfectly: “Who but the Million Dollar Man could afford to do it?” At the same time, everyone says a collective DUH! This is pure evil here and it supports my claim that he’s the greatest heel of all time. Sapphire comes out and takes a bag of money. Rhodes chases them but Savage stops him.

The match itself is about 2 minutes long and there’s nothing worth talking about. Savage starts in control, Rhodes fights back but doesn’t have the fire to do anything. However, Piper does mention that Sapphire didn’t want to be married to a common man all her life, so at least that’s some clarification. Sherri interferes and Rhodes takes a loaded purse to the head to end it.

Rating: N/A. This wasn’t about the match and at two minutes it’s not fair to give it a grade. For the angle, easy A though as this was just basic heel vs. face stuff, but given the performers, it was great.

Sean is in the garage as I wonder what kind of running shoes he has because he could be the fastest man on the planet given the exercise he’s had tonight. Virgil, DiBiase and Sapphire get into the limousine and leave as Rhodes chases them. Ok more like wobbles after them, but he goes down the driveway after them. However, he can’t catch them and I always got very sad about this. It was depressing to see him lose everything he had. In retrospect, this was a great angle.

Hulk Hogan vs. Earthquake

Quake comes to the ring with no real build. That’s rare to see anymore and I really like the way they’re doing it this way. After the heels are in the ring, Hogan and Boss Man are with Okerlund. Hogan says this is for Tugboat, who was the reason Hogan got the support that he did. Boss Man says the heels have the right to be served justice by Judge Hogan. Hogan compares himself to Washington and the Boss Man is Jefferson and it’s time to go!

Boss Man comes out first and the pop is so loud you can barely hear his music. For the love of goodness how loud is Hogan’s going to be? Yep, I’m deaf now. The roof gets blown off and you literally can’t understand what Fink says after Hogan comes through the curtain. All the standard Hogan stuff before we get going and the fans are so hot it’s insane. The wide shot here is awesome as it’s that little yellow thing that is causing the explosion.

Hogan should change his theme to Pac Man’s song. It’s the same idea: a yellow thing that is all over the place and at certain points is completely invincible. Sounds like it to me. Anyway, we get the bell and we’re up and running. They trade power displays and despite Hogan being announced at 302lbs, Vince thinks he’s at about 287, even though he looks exactly the same as he always has, if not a bit fat.

Very soon the two outside guys get involved and both should causes disqualifications but the referee lets it go for no apparent reason. Hogan, like an idiot, goes for a slam. Now he knows better than that. He’s WAY too healthy to do something like that. Why would he think he can do something that doesn’t go against any human sense? Come on Hulk you’re smarter than that. Wow I just said Hogan was smart. I’m working too hard I think.

Quake does a weird sequence where he goes to the top and then puts on a Boston Crab. More interference follows of course, leading to a Hogan comeback. Once again he goes for a slam and it doesn’t work, leading to the true signature Hogan match move: the sleepy hug! It must be sleepy since it needs so much rest. For some reason Hogan tries to grab at the referee and he rips his shirt. I don’t want to see Earl Hebner’s stomach, I truly don’t.

Hogan goes for a freaking cross body. Think about that for a second. That’s just weird to type let alone actually watch. Of course Hogan takes two Earthquakes before the power kickout. I love the way Earthquake hits the ropes. He just leans into them and it’s either great or lazy and I’m not sure which. Do I even need to explain what happens here?

Bravo gets the referee to prevent the pin after the leg drop though, allowing the true star of the match, the man that’s involved with Wrestleicious (ooo Wrestleicious baby!) to interfere before getting beaten up as well. At this point, it occurs to me that he and Hogan are the only two wrestlers involved in this match that are still alive. That’s a very sad thing to think of. Earthquake gets Hart thrown at him, which knocks him down.

So wait, Hogan jumping at him is an easy catch, but Hart knocks him down? Piper’s cheering for Hogan cracks me up as only in pro wrestling could you go from the feud they had to this kind of cheering in just a few years. On the floor, Hogan, in Phila-freaking-delphia of all places, slams Earthquake onto a table. This was over three years before Heyman even got to that city. I’m not even sure if Eastern Championship Wrestling was around yet.

The table doesn’t break and just falls over, but I wonder if this is what inspired ECW. There must be something in the water in that city. Seriously, what’s with the tables thing there? Anyway, Hogan wins by count out before jumping in the air like the end of a bad 80s movie. Come on now; give me some bad pop song as the shot freezes with him in the air pumping his fist. If that happened, I might have died of pure laughter. Post match…come on.

What do you think happens after the match? Actually, it’s not the most obvious answer. Quake completely no sells everything that’s just been done to him as he hits Hogan a few times and chokes him with Hogan lifted off the mat. Boss Man grabs a…I guess that’s supposed to be a chair but it looks more like a small ladder and blasts Quake a few times with it to no result.

The spinning of the nightstick of DOOM gets rid of the heels though so we can have our traditional music and posing. What made this posing thing so freaking cool? It’s just him standing there showing off his muscles, which was odd because there were guys with bigger muscles in the company. I guess it’s just that Hogan is who he is and gets cheers for whatever he does. He could even put on a tutu and dance and it would get high ratings.

Scratch that as Mr. Nanny bombed. Hogan dances around the ring like a chicken which is something that’s going to haunt my dreams for a long, long time. As he poses Boss Man, who also was Hogan’s mortal enemy about a year ago, kind of strolls around the ring doing nothing. Piper reaffirms my faith in him as he says it was a hollow victory and that Boss Man deserves a lot of the credit.

Now I feel better as that’s the Piper I know and love. He’s right too. What did Hogan really prove? That along with another guy he can win with a count out and not get a pin like he normally would? Yeah that’s certainly a great victory.

Rating: B+. This was exactly what it was supposed to be: a chance for the fans to lose their minds over Hogan. It left the door open for the rematch later with Hogan having no rust so he can beat Quake on an even playing field, but that never came at least not on PPV. This definitely should have gone on last though as there’s no doubt that this is the real main event. I remember when I was a kid I hardly ever watched the cage match after this as it just didn’t mean anything to me.

Granted I wasn’t ever much of a Warrior guy after he stole my hero’s title back in April. Anyway, this was a very fun match but from a technical standpoint, kind of sloppy, which given who’s in this, what were you expecting? Fine all around though, so this was a very solid match.

We cut to the back and see Rude with Heenan and Mooney. Rude cuts a very good promo talking about how Rocky Balboa and life imitating art. This is either off a script or great. Heenan is clearly ad-libbing, but Rude I’m not sure on.

Rhodes is here now, talking about chasing down Sapphire but not being able to catch up to her. This is a great promo, talking about how he’s been crushed and he’s only got the fans left to shelter him. This is 80s style at its best. The more promos I hear from Dusty, the more impressed I am by him.

We cut again down to Lord Alfred Hayes, who is in front of the cage that is being built and talking about how the crew is trying to break their record for building a cage, which is kind of interesting but the only thing I can think of is who cared about the cage being built? It’s kind of different and therefore kind of cool I guess. They talk about the way the cage is put together and the weight and dimensions. That’s actually quite cool.

We go BACK to Gene, who is talking with Hulk. I miss the interview centers at PPVs. Hogan is so juiced here it’s amazing. This is a promo that makes so little sense I don’t know where to start. Hogan beat Earthquake. Ok, that’s fine. However, he says he want to be #1 contender to the WWF Title. Again, nothing weird so far. He then says that if he’s not the #1 contender yet, he’ll beat Earthquake as many times as it takes until he’s the #1 contender.

What kind of sense does that make? If that’s the case, why not get Brooklyn Brawler and beat him 1000x until you’re named #1 contender? Hogan’s promos sometimes made less sense than Warrior’s. Also, he debuts the 4th demandment: Believe in yourself. He’s getting a new surfboard too. Hogan surfing is just funny.

Roddy and Vince kill more time, talking about the cage match as Roddy actually picks Rude to win it.

We cut to the back with Earthquake, Bravo and Hart screaming at Hogan and Bossman, saying that it’s not over. Actually it pretty much was. They hooked up at Survivor Series and a very, and I do mean very, brief encounter at the end of the 1991 Royal Rumble.

For the final (and it better be) interview of the night, we go to the Warrior, who has a joke. What do Heenan/Rude have in common with the Liberty Bell? One is cracked and the other is a ding dong. While it’s not funny, it’s just out there to hear from Warrior. He’s literally snarling the whole time Gene is talking.

This is not at all surprising. He says he has an inalienable right to the WWF Champion, which is a line that I really like. He’s going through the Preamble to the Constitution, which is actually really good, and comes dangerously close to making sense.

WWF Title: Ultimate Warrior vs. Rick Rude

In a cage remember. This would be Rude’s last major and perhaps last period match in the WWF as he bailed for WCW, but didn’t show up for a year. I guess he was doing indy shows or something. This was odd as he had been insulting Boss Man’s mom, paving the way for a feud between the two of them. Crowd is trying to care but they’re just so worn out from the Hogan match that I guess the break due to building the cage was a great thing for them.

Rude won’t let Warrior into the cage which is kind of stupid. You can’t win until he’s inside, so let him in. They fight on the edge, with Warrior outside and Rude inside. This is a pretty slow paced cage match where the cage is just kind of an accessory. I’m pretty impartial to matches like these, as they can be good or pretty bad, but occasionally you get a great one like at Summerslam 94. This is a far cry from that, mainly because it’s only about 11 minutes long.

That’s a bit of time, but still far from enough to really be effective and show off what the cage can be like. Maybe they’re trying to protect Warrior as they know he’s not the best in matches like this, but maybe they were just low on time. Rude gets the neckbreaker blocked for about the 112th time by Warrior which is still something the announcers have never seen before. Does Vince ever watch a match?

Rude more or less dominates here and screws up huge as he goes to the very top of the cage while Warrior is down and just sits there. He hits a big punch and knocks Warrior silly, but dang man he could have built a new cage in the time he had up there. It made no sense and Piper is losing his mind over how stupid it was on Rude’s part. When Piper says you’re stupid, you’re stupid. What could possibly be stupider than that? HE DOES IT AGAIN!

Good grief no wonder he never won the world title. He was too stupid to do it I guess. Anyway, Rude gets knocked down and here comes the comeback that you all knew was coming. Rude stops it though which surprises me. They go back and forth until Heenan gets in somehow and gets beaten up. NOW we get the real comeback and you know the drill here.

Piper makes an interesting question: when Warrior does the pumping press slam motion, WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN??? Warrior gets the slam and the splash and climbs out, swiveling his hips as he leaves to keep the belt. He poses with the blue/purple belt by swinging it over his head. We plug Survivor Series one more time as we go off the air.

Rating: C-. Crowd just didn’t care after the Hogan match and the 10 minute wait to put up the cage. It was an ok match but absolutely nothing of note happened here. It was exactly what you would expect and no one thought Rude had a freaking prayer. This was ok, but that’s all.

Overall Rating: A-. It’s personal bias, but I freaking love this show. You get a pure classic in the tag title match, some GREAT promos all night, although too many promos in general, a show long story, a white hot crowd, and some nice chances to catch your breath with some filler and how do you not have an awesome show? That’s the thing about filler: it can be a great tool to have, but it’s so easy to go overboard with it and if that happens, you’re in real trouble because the fans are bored.

Feuds were begun and ended, stories were advanced, and the crowd went home happy. How does that not sound awesome? Definite recommendation as they nailed the formula here: have a big card without being as serious as Mania but treat it like Mania, if that makes sense.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 9, 1998
Location: Reunion Arena, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 13,684
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the final show before Survivor Series and the Deadly Game Tournament to crown a new WWF Champion. Nothing has been announced tonight but Rock is currently out of the tournament, so I’d bet there’s going to be a way tonight for him to get back into the field. I barely remember this time for some reason but next week we’re in Lexington, which I didn’t go to for some reason. Let’s get to it.

Rock vs. Henry tonight and if Rock doesn’t win by pin or submission he’s fired.

X-Pac vs. Undertaker

Pac tries to fight fast, kicking Taker into the corner to start. Taker grabs him by the throat and launches Pac into the corner to pounds away. Maybe 30 seconds in the lights go out and here’s Kane.

Taker stands X-Pac next to him and Kane shoots a fireball at Pac. Kane chases Taker up the ramp.

X-Pac is getting treatment on his eye in the back.

Vince tells Mankind that he has to defend the Hardcore Title tonight against Shamrock. Mankind is cool with that but Vince also wants to give Mankind a makeover. This could be interesting.

Val Venis vs. Steve Blackman

Terri still says Val is the father of her baby but last night on Heat Val said he had a vasectomy. Val tries to start fast but Blackman kicks him in the chest to take him down. Off to a quick chinlock followed by a chop to the chest to take Val down again. A snap suplex gets two for Steve as does a spin kick. In a counter I’ve never seen before, Val avoids a sunset flip to send Blackman crashing to the mat. Val hits some knees to the ribs but here’s Terri to hit Val low and draw the DQ.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here as this was about Val and Terri more than anything else. Blackman was nothing of note by this point and he just filled in a spot on the roster. Val was another character that only had so much of a shelf life as an adult star isn’t something that can go very far, at least not on basic cable. This was pretty worthless.

Owen Hart runs out and beats up Steve Blackman.

Mankind gets a haircut.

Mosh vs. Road Dogg vs. D’Lo Brown

Brown and Dogg get started without Mosh. Shane McMahon is the referee and Mosh is in now. Everyone fights everyone to start and no one can get a clear advantage. Mosh rolls up Dogg for two. Brown is the only one left standing and he informs us that he does not suck. He misses a charge into the corner and Mosh pounds away at him, only for Roadie to roll him up for two.

Mosh dumps Brown to the floor and gets two on Road Dogg. A top rope leg drop misses but the frog splash misses Mosh. Everyone is down so Shane counts a bit. Road Dogg is the first one up and he double clotheslines both guys down, only to walk into a leg lariat from Brown. Mosh hits the Stage Dive (top rope seated senton) out of nowhere on Brown for the pin.

Rating: C. I liked this as they didn’t have a formula for these things yet so this actually came off as something different out of a three way match. They were playing up the idea that anyone could win here so that on Sunday when the titles were on the line in the triple threat the titles would seem to be more in jeopardy. This was surprisingly good.

Jarrett says Al Snow ticks him off and on Sunday he’s going to take him out. As for tonight, Debra (who sounds like she has a sore throat) says she’ll prove Goldust is all man.

Mankind gets a pedicure and mourns his losing of Socko.

Goldust vs. Jeff Jarrett

Terri comes out in the Marlena outfit but Goldust tells her to get out of his life because she’s earned her problems. Jarrett jumps Goldie and knocks him to the floor. Back in and Goldust rolls through a top rope cross body for two and takes over with his usual strikes. Back to the floor and Jarrett gets dropped face first onto the steps. Debra offers a distraction and Jarrett clotheslines Goldust, somehow making him fall forward. That gets Jeff nowhere though as Goldust hits a bulldog for two back inside. Goldie pounds away in corner but Debra blocks Shattered Dreams. Goldust kisses her but walks into a guitar shot for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Again this was just filler but it had some cleavage in it at least. Other than that though this was just filler until we got to the guitar shot as well as a way to have the beginning part with Terri being told to get away from Dustin. These two seem to be the same kind of old school guys so the match wasn’t bad but it was pretty worthless.

Rock arrives.

We talk about Jesse Ventura being elected recently.

Rock says he doesn’t like Vince that much but he’ll keep his job tonight. He doesn’t quite have his signature promo style down yet but that would really come into form next year.

After Rock is done talking we turn to see Goldust beating the tar out of Jarrett. The Blue Blazer runs up and attacks Goldust. Goldust gets up and goes after Jarrett again as the Blazer has left.

Hardcore Title: Ken Shamrock vs. Mankind

Mankind is defending but I can’t call him the champ because Shamrock is IC Champion. Mankind is in a tuxedo here. Vince and company come out to watch on the stage. Shamrock pounds him down to start and hits a leg lariat to put Mankind down again. Mankind takes off his shoe to hit Shamrock in the head and take over again. After a quick trip to the Tree of Woe we head to the floor and Shamrock grabs a small package for two.

Now Shamrock hits Mankind with the shoe and they go onto the announce table with Mankind pounding away. Back into the ring as Lawler is amazed by the shoe for some reason. Mankind and his blue vest are backdropped onto a chair for no cover. Back to the floor and Mankind reverses a whip, sending Shamrock into the steps. There’s the Claw on the floor as the announcers take some jabs at WCW for the Halloween Havoc 98 debacle.

Shamrock sends him into the steps to escape the hold and things slow down a bit. A belly to belly suplex puts Mankind down but Ken can’t cover. He goes for the ankle but Mankind kicks him low to escape. A chair shot to the back puts Shamrock down again but Mankind DDTs him on the chair for a close two.

Mankind chases him up the ramp with the chair but he can’t make contact on any of the swings. Shamrock grabs a belly to back suplex up by Vince but it only gets two. With both guys slowly getting up, Shamrock kills him with a chair but Bossman hits Shamrock with the nightstick and Mankind gets the pin to retain. Mankind didn’t see Bossman hit Shamrock.

Rating: C+. This was a far different kind of match than the Hardcore Title matches you would get used to which were based in comedy, as these two were beating the tar out of each other. Also this was back in the day when there wasn’t a history of these matches. See, new stuff did come out of the Attitude Era.

Rock has been attacked but we don’t know anything else about it.

Scratch that as apparently Rock has been hit in the back of the head with something.

Here’s Austin for a chat. Austin talks about overstepping his bounds with Vince and lists off some of the ways in which he’s done that. Here’s Bossman who says he’s well paid to take care of Austin on Sunday. Austin says that sounds like a threat so Austin implies that Bossman likes having fun with inmates in the shower. Or maybe that’s just how I interpreted him saying Bossman hears squeaks in the night. They’ll fight on Sunday. One thing to note here: Bossman kept saying the date of Survivor Series. That’s an old school tactic to sell a show and it’s very effective. Why does no one do that more often?

Rock is still being worked on.

Vince says Rock still has to win as an ambulance is being loaded up.

Al Snow vs. Tiger Ali Singh

Singh says Snow is wrestling Babu. Snow jumps Singh and hits him with Head. Here’s Debra as Babu gets sent into the ring.

Al Snow vs. Babu

Snow hits a wheelbarrow suplex but Singh offers a distraction. Babu gets in some offense but Snow shrugs it off. Singh low bridges Snow and Debra steals Head. Back in the ring the Snow Plow kills Babu but Snow sees Debra with Head. Singh bulldogs Snow and gets the pin. Since this is 1998, we’ll go with “sure, why not.”

Video of Sable working out.

Rock is STILL down in his locker room. Vince says he has to fight tonight.

Kane vs. Edge

Who would have thought this would be a world title match on some PPVs 12 years later? Kane has a can of gasoline and what appears to be a blowtorch. Edge runs to start but Kane gets his hands on him. The monster chokes in the corner but Edge clotheslines him to the floor. Back in and the beating really begins as Kane starts throwing the much smaller Edge around.

A rana is countered into a powerbomb and Edge is in trouble. He gets up and tries a missile dropkick but Kane shrugs it off. Kane sits up out of a DDT and throws Edge over the top and onto Gangrel. He clotheslines Edge off the steps and starts beating up the rest of the Brood. Edge gets in a baseball slide and a dive over the top rope to take Kane down. The rest of the Brood beats on Kane and there’s the DQ.

Rating: D. There was nothing to see here as Edge was getting NOTHING here, although to be fair he was nowhere near ready to do that yet. We don’t know anything about the Brood yet other than Edge and Christian are brothers. This wasn’t much of a match and the ending really hurt things too. Still though, nothing to see here.

Kane chokeslams all of them and piles them all up. He gets the gasoline and blowtorch as it’s time for a little human burning. Kane chokeslams the referee and puts him on the pile too. Other referees come up and save the guys from incineration.

Kane goes into the crowd for no apparent reason and chokeslams a fan over the railing.

Here’s Vince with something to say. Vince has the goons turn him to the stage so he can see Rock come out. Rock can wrestle with a headache so where is he? Vince says we’re in Dallas, the home of the Cowboys. Some Cowboys are here tonight and he wonders if they have the guts to stand up and be recognized. Vince makes fun of the Cowboys and says they’re on a losing streak. I’m a big Dallas fan so this is great heel stuff for me.

Instead Shane comes out with a mic. He says that this is about family business, not Rock or Austin or the people. Vince says this is his business, not family business. He tells Shane to get out before the goons beat on him. Shane stands his grounds so Vince tells Bossman to get him. Before Bossman hits him, here’s Austin for the save.

The Rock vs. Mark Henry

If Rock loses or doesn’t win by pin or submission, he’s out of a job. Vince and company are still at ringside. Apparently if Rock wins he’s also back in the tournament. After three times playing his music, here’s Rock in workout gear. Rock jumps Henry and fires off right hands. Rock hits some elbows to the chest and they head to the floor. Henry gets in a low blow and back inside we go.

Henry works on the back of Rock, despite the BIG FREAKING HEAD INJURY he had earlier in the night. Then again no one ever accused Henry of being a genius. Rock comes back with a suplex but Henry takes his head off with a clothesline. An elbow drop gets two and it’s time for a bearhug. Rock fights out of it and they clothesline each other down. Some clotheslines get two for Rock and with Brown up on the apron for some reason, Rock hits Henry low.

Henry comes back with a powerslam for a close two and now Bossman and Brown both get up on the apron. Somehow Bossman cuffs himself to the ring and Rock DDTs Henry for two but Brown pulls the referee out. There’s the Rock Bottom and the People’s Elbow but there’s still no referee. Shane runs out and counts the pin just to tick Vince off even more.

Rating: C-. The match was nothing of note here but the place was on fire for Rock. That’s what amazes me more and more as far as Sunday goes. Henry was his usual self here but Rock is strong enough to do something with a guy the size of Henry. Rock is one of those guys that can make ANYTHING entertaining and that’s what he did here. The head injury pretty much disappeared though.

Post match Rock beats up Vince and leaves him laying with a Rock Bottom.

Overall Rating: C+. This show’s wrestling was hit or miss but it was certainly entertaining. The tournament is way bigger than it needed to be as for the most part there were about six people (and that’s a stretch) who had a chance at winning the title. The show on Sunday would change things for the next several months, but dang it would get fun.

Here’s Survivor Series if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/articles/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1998-deadly-game-the-tournament-not-hhh

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Summerslam 1989
Date: August 28, 1989
Location: Meadowlands Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Jesse Ventura

So we’re a year removed from the first Summerslam and quite a bit has changed in the WWF. Savage is now a full heel and no longer the champion, having dropped the title to Hogan at Mania 5. Their feud continues though as Hogan is now teaming with Beefcake to face Savage and Zeus in the main event. Now the Zeus storyline was, ahem, interesting I guess you would say.

Here’s the idea: Hogan made a movie called No Holds Barred. To wrestling fans, this was and still is proof that there’s a god and that he has a sense of humor, as this may indeed be the worst movie ever filmed. It’s corny, it’s stupid, and it’s nothing but a way to push Hogan down our throats. Seriously, this makes Cena look like Clark Gable.

Anyway, Zeus the character, real life name Tom Lister, wanted revenge on Hogan the wrestler, not Hogan’s character Rip from the film. If that made no sense, it would be like villain from 12 Rounds, whoever that was, coming to Raw to try to kill John Cena. See why this feud was bad from the beginning? Wouldn’t Zeus be angry at the screenwriters and not Hogan? Shouldn’t he be heading for a board room or something like that?

Dang this guy needs a new agent. Anyway, there’s one major flaw with this storyline: Lister wasn’t a wrestler, but an actor. This leads to one big issue: he doesn’t know how to do anything in the ring other than choke Hogan. This proves to be a storyline that’s looked back on fondly as it was something I grew up watching, but in modern times this is pretty freaking ridiculous.

Anyway, this is a big tag match, even though there’s another one in a cage a few months later that’s the real blow off to this, and likely a better match. Your other big match, which oddly enough was the first time those words could be used to describe this series, is Rick Rude vs. Ultimate Warrior for the IC Title in a rematch from Mania 5 where Rude stole the belt in a stunning upset.

Other than that, it’s mainly filler matches that no one really wanted to watch. It looks like a far better card on paper than last year’s show, which isn’t saying much to be fair, but let’s see how it is.

First thing we see: big sign saying that the show is tonight at 745. Well thanks for letting me know that since I’M WATCHING THE SHOW. How stupid were the 1980s? That music is freaking sick though and I love it. Pure retro WWF music is something that will never be topped. Why in the world did I not have a Hulk Rules shirt? Oh and we have a tag line: Feel The Heat.

Well ok then I’ll make sure to do that. Tony and Jesse do your run of the mill intro talking about the two big matches until Tony says away we go. Apparently we’re going away to another intro. This one is of wrestlers squashing jobbers with cuts of non wrestling people doing various summer things: softball, ice cream, swimming, etc.

This is like a weird intro to Wrestling Challenge or something like that. It ends with Hogan hitting Zeus with a chair and Zeus slowly turning to face him before we hear some familiar music.

Hart Foundation vs. Brain Busters

Busters just recently won the tag belts from Demolition, ending their epic reign that will simply never be topped. However, this is non title because the Busters won the titles after this match was signed, which I guess is trying to protect the belts while keeping the Harts strong, but it still doesn’t make it sound all that great. The champions still have no music for no apparent reason while the Harts music sends the crowds into the official land of insanity.

This was around the time that everyone knew the Harts were the best tag team in a LONG time and perhaps the best team ever, and that the belts were rightfully theirs. I’ve always like the jog that the Busters did on the way to the ring for some reason. Makes them seem more serious or something I suppose. I also like the no music. It makes them seem like two guys that do nothing but just go out there and wrestle. That’s a gimmick in and amongst itself.

Lance Storm made it work very well, as did Arn Anderson. According to Jesse, if the Harts lose they might not get a title shot again for another year. In this era, there’s an excellent chance that he’s correct. That’s how competitive the tag division was at the time. In two months you’d see a tag team survivor series match with some TEN TAG TEAMS. I don’t mean two random guys put together and called a team.

TEN sets of guys that were legitimate teams. To say that the Harts dominate the first half of this match is an understatement. I don’t think the champions have control in that time frame at all, but they somehow never look like they’re completely out of it either. That’s a nice touch and something that’s rather difficult to do if you think about it. But wait, what’s this? The champions….are starting to win? What a concept!

The champions are winning a match in the style they’re champions of! That’s a great idea indeed and makes the match better as it extends it, making it back and forth. Arn hits the ropes and Bret uses a knee to his back to break his momentum. That’s a pure heel move but it gets a massive face pop here. I love how in wrestling the fans are so preconditioned to cheer and boo for certain people. That’s something you only get here.

We get a brawl once Hart gets the tag and eventually it’s Blanchard and both Harts in the ring. He gets the slingshot shoulder block which I’ve always marked out like crazy for, followed by the powerslam/splash move where Jim picks up Bret and reverse powerslams him onto Tully for the cover. Arn with a double axe handle, which normally is just a basic move, apparently knocks Bret out here for the pin.

Rating: B+. This was some great 80s tag team wrestling which is what the 80s were best at. All kinds of double team work and back and forth style which is just a treat to watch all over the place. Harts dominate but the champs come back in the end to steal the pin, which is a very nice touch as both teams look strong. Very good match and the perfect opener.

Dusty Rhodes, wearing Big Boss Man’s hat and holding his nightstick, is going to face Honky Tonk Man, which was a weird feud to say the least. He’s not worried and it takes him about a minute and a half to say that which includes 28 complimentary lisps.

Dusty Rhodes vs. Honky Tonk Man

Yep, it’s a comedy match. This was just an odd feud to say the least and I’m not quite sure who thought this would work well on camera. Neither guy could carry a match so I guess it falls on Dusty here. Dusty has a reputation for being one of the most lazy as well as one of the most inept guys in the ring and this is no exception. We’re 2 minutes into it and what do we get from Dusty? A rest hold of course!

And not just any rest hold mind you, but the lethal slight ankle twist…….OF DOOM. Hart on the megaphone is always great stuff as you could tell he loved every second of being out there. This cameraman has way too much of a tendency to focus the camera on Dusty or Honky’s fat. That’s not something I want to see a lot of. Dusty of course no sells the offense which makes Honky look even more ridiculous as we get even more rest holds since neither really has a big offensive range to speak of.

Think about it: what do you remember Honky doing other than a swinging neckbreaker? What stands out for you from Dusty other than a bunch of elbows? Dusty fights back, leading to a Honky rest hold. Literally, we’ve probably had 40-50% rest holds so far. What the heck are they resting from? Oh here’s Dusty’s next comeback and it’s the more interesting variety of elbows and punches rather than punches and elbows this time.

Ref goes down and Jimmy accidentally hits Honky with the guitar, leading to a BIG elbow drop from Dusty for the pin. Sean Mooney picks 18 seconds after Honky gets hit by a real, not the Jeff Jarrett breakaway kind, of guitar to interview him. Honky thinks he’s Elvis, that Jimmy is Priscilla and that he needs to kiss Lisa Marie before he gets on stage tonight. That’s an image that I don’t want coupled with one I do want actually.

Rating: F. This was atrocious. Both men had issues wrestling anything close to a passable match and were asked to put on a good match out there. That’s a bad combination and Dusty apparently was sleepy as he was in about 18 rest holds in a 10 minute match. That was the biggest issue of the whole thing for the most part. Honky was a great comedy heel, but even he couldn’t escape from the gravitational force of the suckage that comes from Dusty’s fat.

Duggan, in Demolition mask, along with his partners for later tonight Demolition, talk…about something. I think it’s about training for their match later.

Mr. Perfect vs. Red Rooster

Perfect is a guy that can do anything and everything perfectly. Rooster is a man that walks around making chicken noises. My goodness what a gimmick can do for someone. There’s a bit of a joke here as Rooster was offered the Perfect gimmick buy turned it down and was given this I believe as a punishment. Hennig took it just so he could have a job in the WWF.

I think we know who made the right choice. It might be this gimmick but I’ve never been able to stand anything about Terry Taylor. He’s the most worthless wrestler I have ever seen. Dude, did Taylor botch a slam? Hennig is what, 250? How do you botch a move like that? Tony says that a dropkick was totally awesome! DANG that didn’t sound right coming from him.

They fight on the floor for a bit as I think Rooster is injured. He’s limping around a lot and I don’t remember Hennig doing anything to his leg. I think so even more as they go back in and NOW, you’re going to see a Perfect Plex! I mean they’re inside and within a second he’s got the headlock on him. That has to be a fast ending. Taylor can’t even sell the Plex right, as he sells it like he’s out cold. It’s a suplex with a bridge, not a freaking power bomb. You don’t sell it like you’re dead.

Rating: C+. This was WAY too short to really be anything as it was less than 3 and a half minutes I’d say. However, if Taylor actually was hurt that’s not their fault at all. For the time they were out there it was good though. I think it was the slam where he got hurt though. He was on a big offensive run at the time and a quick slam would have fit in there perfectly. After that it fell apart which I think was due to the injury. I’ll go with the decent ranking when both were healthy instead though.

EXPLETIVE! At least that’s what Gene Okerlund has to say when the Summerslam logo falls behind him as he’s trying to interview Rude. The funny part is it falls, he hears it, he looks down at it, and THEN he says what he said. They cut away immediately and Tony tries to imply nothing happen as Jesse is completely losing it on commentary. This was hilarious.

Tito Santana/Rockers vs. Rougeaus/Rick Martel

Random six man tag. This should be good I suppose given the guys out there. Oh and Jannetty will be ok too. It’s a classic tag feud mixed with singles feud so…ROUGEAU MUSIC!!! Holy goodness I love this song as it just rocks all around. As I check, yes indeed Jimmy Hart wrote it. With lyrics like “we don’t like heavy metal and we don’t like rock and roll. All we listen to is Barry Manilow.”, seriously, how can you go wrong?

Eighties wrestling music was so mind blowingly great it’s hard to stop. Slick managed Martel? I don’t remember that. As expected given the names in this match, everything goes insane in just a few seconds. The Rockers are in and it’s dropkicks a go-go all over the place, followed by the tag team throwing Santana into Martel. As they would today, the heels take over when we’re back in the ring. After that, it’s standard material that works pretty well I’d say.

Everyone in there is at least a decent if not good worker. After about 5 minutes of heel dominance, we get to the inevitable brawl with the faces taking over. Hart gets on the apron but is cut off by Jannetty, who is rolled up but reverses the rollup into one of his own. Martel runs in and lands a devastating…punch, which knocks him out for the pin. Tony screams that neither was the legal man, but who cares about that?

Rating: B+. This can be summed up in one word: fun match. You had six….that was two words wasn’t it? Oh screw it. I’m a political science major because there’s no math so who cares? Anyway, these guys just went out there and had fun. They had almost 15 minutes and made the most of it. Great little match that was fast paced for about 90% of it which helps it a lot. Makes the heels look strong while holding off on the Martel vs. Santana match, which is a plus.

Recap of Warrior vs. Rude, which was actually an epic rivalry. These were two guys that for no reason at all had amazing chemistry together. I don’t ever remember them having an actual bad match, which is odd for Warrior. It started at the Rumble where they had a pose down and Warrior had the IC belt.

At the end, Rude hit Warrior with a steel exercise bar and choked him out with it. Warrior chased him down and didn’t catch him until Mania, where Rude had Bobby Heenan hold Warrior’s foot to steal the title. Since then, they’ve been randomly feuding on and off as Warrior fights the whole Heenan family and a week before Andre beat him up. This is your rematch.

Wait, we need more rambling. Warrior talks about…Andre of course. Oh he throws in Rude too.

Intercontinental Title: Ultimate Warrior vs. Rick Rude

Rude does his standard intro that seems fresh despite being used about a million times. As he says hit the music, my tape jumps and I get a split second of the Gobbledygooker egg at Survivor Series 1991 which I’ll be getting to later on. That was really quite odd. Warrior is of course completely insane as he comes to the ring as Jesse wonders what asylum he was let out of.

In this series, Warrior would almost always dominate early on and this is no exception. I like that, as it fits Warrior’s character very well. Also, as they did at Mania, Rude’s back is hurt. Rude’s selling of the atomic drops are nothing short of classic, rivaled only by that of the Genius. Warrior goes to the top twice, which is just odd to see. However only one works as the Ultimate balls are crotched on the top rope.

He also throws on one of the best reverse chinlocks I’ve seen in a long time. It’s closer to a camel clutch but who cares? Rude goes for the Rude Awakening and just has it ripped off. As this is going on, images of Warrior in full character start coming to me. This is absolutely classic stuff as him freaking out on his trainers is nothing but funny stuff. They go back and forth as the ref gets bumped.

Powerslam by Warrior but a slow count allows Rude to get his foot on the bottom rope. This match has some freaking drama to it. Rude hits kind of a weird jumping punch off the top rope which isn’t something you see every day. Rude gets a piledriver as Roddy comes out, whom Rude had been feuding with lately. As he’s there, Rude gyrates at him for no apparent reason, resulting in Roddy mooning him. This gives Warrior the time to heal, leading to the slam and the splash and the IC belt.

Rating: A-. This was a very fun match. Like I said, these two just have freaky chemistry together for no reason at all and every time they’re in the ring it works well. Warrior is slowed down in these matches and it works quite well for him. Rude was a completely opposite style than his but for some reason they just meshed so well. Great match that made sense and furthered Piper vs. Rude like it was supposed to do. Warrior would hold the title until he vacated it after winning at Mania.

Sean Mooney is in the audience and says it’s awesome in a completely pointless scene.

In the back Gene is with Mr. Perfect, who says that Rooster was just a stepping stone, while using for what may be the first time, his signature line: Nobody beats Mr. Perfect, NOBODY. That’s actually a very good line.

Without cutting at all, Roddy shows up to be interviewed by Gene, who makes jokes about flashing Rude. Piper is either so coked up he can’t see straight, or he’s the best promo man that’s ever existed.

Again, with no change in the camera shot at all, Ronnie Garvin is here as my level of appreciation for this show falls. In case I haven’t made it clear, I hate this guy. He says he has a special assignment but Heenan runs in to complain and absolutely lose his mind over what Piper just did. This is great as Heenan is completely insane at this point. We have to be on an intermission here as this is the 4th interview in a row. Rude comes in and freaks out with less comedy.

Jesse agrees with Bobby.

Following that 5 minute barrage of interviews, we get a recap of the main event feud. Apparently Hogan and Zeus were feuding on the set of the movie, and Z appeared on SNME. Macho and Zeus hooked up in July to continue Savage’s feud with Hogan. Yeah this recap is really boring. We get the famous scene of Zeus attacking Beefcake and Hogan smashing him with a chair and Zeus just turning around.

This was SO much better when Dusty and Boss Man did it in the NWA. That’s the really famous one where Rhodes took the wooden chair and smashed it over Boss Man’s (then called Big Bubba) head, shattering it into a bunch of pieces. Bubba no sold it and just adjusted his tie. That’s awesome right there. This goes on for five minutes and it’s just not needing that much time.

Big Boss Man/Akeem/Andre the Giant vs. Jim Duggan/Demolition

This is just a straight old grudge match which should be fun. We get Jive Soul Bro so everything is right in my world. Andre just looks bad here. The heel team is 1,300 pounds. That’s freaking scary. When the 400lb+ Boss Man is the smallest guy on the team, that’s saying a lot. Duggan is in the Demolition mask here and Jesse makes a Jason Vorhees joke for no apparent reason.

He’s also King at this point which didn’t last that long. Ah ok the mask does look like a black Jason mask so that works fine. He has an American Flag painted on his face so Jesse has to go on a big rant. The 2×4 has a crown on it which is kind of cute. Duggan and Akeem start us off and Duggan defies the laws of PG with some harsh language.

The faces work over the African Dream a bit here which is smart as he’s definitely the easiest target of the three. And so much for that as Boss Man is in now. Now they work over him too as I’m noticing a theme of some sort. Some double team shenanigans allow Andre to come in and Axe is in trouble. Andre sits on him and it’s amazing that he’s still alive.

For once the USA chant makes sense as Andre is a Frenchman. Akeem, the wrestling master that he is, allows Axe to get the tag and bring in Smash. He gets a slam on both guys to put the heels in trouble. And then Andre smacks him in the head to take care of that. Akeem gets a second rope splash on Smash but Duggan pops him with the board to take care of that and get the pin. Big pop for that also which is kind of surprising.
Rating: C+. This was just a good old fashioned fight and there’s nothing wrong with that. Given the 6 guys in there, what were you expecting out of this match? These guys were just beating on each other for the sake of beating on each other and it was fun. Fun little match that worked quite well for what it was.

Survivor Series ad.

DiBiase says he’s going to beat Snuka.

Hercules vs. Greg Valentine

Ronnie Garvin is the surprise ring announcer. What did the fans do, burn something huge? How in the world he got a pop and earlier in his career actually FREAKING BEAT RIC FLAIR FOR THE NWA WORLD TITLE is beyond me. He’s fighting with Valentine over something and he insults Valentine and Hart in his introduction. These are the worst insults of all time.

He says Valentine claims to weigh 249 but looks to be overweight by 30 pounds. Is that actually an insult? He’s saying Valentine weighs less than he looks? “When he goes to his manager for advice, Little Jimmy can’t give him any.” What kind of a mean thing to say is that? Dear god this guy is awful. He says Valentine has two left feet. Garvin is insulting his ability to dance now??? In case you can’t tell, I really hate Garvin.

This match goes on for about 3 minutes and I think Hercules uses 18 punches and a suplex. Valentine uses his feet on the ropes and gets a pin. Garvin, the guy this match is focused on is, says that he feels Hercules is the winner. Based on this, the referee disqualifies Valentine. Herc and Garvin beat up Valentine.

Rating: F-. I hate Ronnie Garvin. He’s involved in this match, so it sucks.

We then get what has to be the weirdest promo of all time. Gene is with Sherri, Macho and Zeus, around a freaking cauldron of all things. They say….something about bad things coming to the faces tonight but I really was too confounded to listen. This was far stranger than it sounds.

Ted DiBiase vs. Jimmy Snuka

DiBiase, still with no music, mentions he ended Jake Roberts. Snuka comes out to NO reaction at all, but Tony tries to tell us otherwise. Jimmy is rocking the zebra tights instead of the tiger ones he usually has. They’re really not working for him. Standard stuff here that’s really not interesting to say the least.

Punches, kicks, occasional suplex, DiBiase misses a big move, Superfly goes for the splash but Virgil makes the save, Thanks to Virgil we get a count out. Post match he beats up Virgil and splashes him which gets a ton of flashbulbs.

Rating: D. This was so boring and really didn’t need to happen. It is the definition of filler which this show was full of. They seriously need to get to the end of the show NOW.

Mooney is in the audience…..again.

Beefcake and Hogan say they’ll win. Apparently they drove their Harleys across the river. Hogan uses some very un-Hulk like language, even saying sexy, to describe Liz and her “headlights.” Kind of makes me wonder what he was riding.

Hulk Hogan/Brutus Beefcake vs. Zeus/Randy Savage

Genius has a poem about Liz and Hogan which was a way to start paving the way for Hogan vs. Perfect very soon. As annoying as Beefcake was, he had a SWEET theme song. How in the world did I never get one of those Hulk Hogan teddy bears? What kind of a gimmick is a barber? That’s the best they could come up with for him? Hogan’s music hits and the fans go nuts. That’s saying a lot.

Hogan was so loved that the people would sit through three and a half hours of crap save for one or two matches for Hogan and Hogan alone. As Ventura puts it: THIS IS MASS HYSTERIA! No Jesse, THIS IS HULKAMANIA!!! My goodness that looks sweet in all caps. Screw  all the people that say Hogan sucks and plays politics. He is the greatest thing in the history of professional wrestling. Hogan tells Fink he has something to say. The pop for this is absurd.

She gets a pop on the level of the Warrior from earlier on. Macho is going nuts over this, as was expected. Macho is in gray/white tights, which just don’t work for him. My tape has a glitch in it as one minute Savage has Hogan in an Orton special, and the next Zeus is beating on Hogan. It’s a standard main event tag like last year but with more time given to it and it’s likely a better match because of it, but we’ve seen the formula before.

Face gets beaten down, mini brawl, other face takes over, gets beaten down, and then it’s hot tag to Hogan. Oh before I forget, Zeus is invincible unless you poke him in the eye first, and THEN punches hurt him. Why do I feel like I’m watching a mix of Zelda, the Three Stooges and Summerslam?

Sherri’s purse is loaded, which was later revealed to have a brick in it I believe, but THAT doesn’t drop Zeus. However, the slam and the leg drop do for the pin. Liz takes out Sherri and they cut her hair. Posing and recaps follow.

Rating: B-. This was fine for what it was, but it wasn’t anything we haven’t seen before, namely LAST FREAKING YEAR. It’s an ok tag match that no one would remember after the cage rematch 3 months later so this wasn’t anything too bad. Hogan of course looks dominant and another of his buddies gets a rub.

This would continue with Zeus for a few more months until the cage rematch where Hogan pins him with three leg drops as he apparently wanted to crush his immortal soul. Three leg drops are the equivalent of a nuclear explosion, so it’s no wonder Zeus didn’t wrestle for 7 years.

Overall Rating: B-. What an upgrade from last year! This was a million times better but that’s not really saying a lot. There were two featured matches this year so therefore the show looks a lot bigger. However, MY GOD THERE’S A LOT OF FILLER. This show never seems like it’s going to end as there’s probably 2-3 matches that could be completely cut. DiBiase’s could have been accomplished in a promo to say the least.

Hercules/Valentine could have been a short promo with Garvin running down Valentine (or being trampled under the hooves of stampeding camels), and the 6 man was just to get Andre and Demolition on the show. It’s light years ahead of 88, but next year the show really starts to get it right. Watch it if you’re a fan of 80s stuff and are quite bored.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

As luck would have it, I got the old format back on the day that the Summerslam Count-Up begins.

 

Welcome to another of my history threads. As I’ve done with Wrestlemania and In Your House, I’ll be starting with the first ever show in the series and every day put up a new review. This will culminate with this year’s Summerslam, as the 2008 review will be put up the day before Summerslam, and I’ll be doing a live review of the 2009 edition which will be posted immediately after the show, assuming that nothing goes wrong.

I love doing these things and in case you’re wondering, yes, I will be doing Survivor Series, Royal Rumble, and likely King of the Ring among other one off shows in the future. Anyway, enough from me. let’s get to me! Wait what?

We have arrived at the biggest party of the summer, Summerslam. In the year of my birth, WWF decided to expand its annual PPV load to three instead of the two they had the previous year. Wrestlemania was fairly entrenched in the business and based upon its success we were given the Survivor Series the prior year, which really was based on the strength of Hogan vs. Andre.

Based off the popularity the company was seeing around this time, the order was given to have another show in the late summer to help further bridge the gap to Wrestlemania. You have to remember that at this time, there was no Raw or Smackdown or anything like that. What you got was a weekly Sunday morning show that not everyone got and was sometimes on in different timeslots depending on where you were.

Think about that: Raw on Sunday morning or Wednesday night depending on where you were? Of course it would never work today, but at the time Superstars, the (typically) Sunday morning show, was the undisputed flagship show of the company. Anyway, since there was nothing else to go on, PPV was HUGE at the time. Today with everything watered down to the point where we have sometimes two PPVs a month, having a third added to the schedule was huge.

This would be the mathematical equivalent of adding 6 more PPVs to the schedule. Think about what a big deal this was. Anyway, Summerslam was added to the schedule to make it the third PPV of the year with the Rumble being made a PPV the following January to finally establish the traditional Big Four.

Summerslam was initially just used as a bridge to get to Mania with a grudge match in the main event before shifting over to being the official second biggest show of the year a few years later. My first ever PPV was Summerslam 1990, so this show holds a special place in my heart. Since this show is considered to be the second biggest show of the year, the shows have to be good right? I certainly hope so, so let’s get things going!

Final Note: Factor in that I started writing these back in June, so many of the references may be a bit dated. For example, I make a reference to a guy being about the level of the Miz, but his character has since changed, so if something makes you scratch your head, that’s likely what’s causing it.

Summerslam 1988
Date: August 29, 1988
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Billy Graham

The first show. This show was completely capitalizing on WM 4’s tournament with Savage being the victor. Now I’ve heard two separate versions of what the initial main event for this show was supposed to be.

I’ve heard that the original plan for the tournament was to have DiBiase’s master plan (see the WM history thread for details) to have worked and have DiBiase win the belt over Hogan, leading to Savage challenging him here for it and then we get a 6 month Mega Powers angle, or the same one minus Savage holding the belt which I think would have made more sense given some of Hogan’s promos leading up to Mania 5.

The other version that I’ve heard, and the one I give less credit to, was that the plan was to have Flair come in for a feud with Savage leading to a title vs. title match at Summerslam with Savage, ending in either a draw or Flair winning both titles briefly.

I consider this nonsense because according to EVERY other source I’ve heard and based solely on everything that’s been on WWF television during this time period, to say Savage vs. Hogan was locked into Mania 5 is almost like saying Vince has a bit of influence on the way the product is presented. As for the rest of the announced card, there really isn’t one.

I mean literally, there was nothing else announced for the show and the box art on the VHS is Savage/Hogan and DiBiase/Andre, which is the main event, billed as the Mega Powers vs. the Mega Bucks. I’m not putting a lot of faith into the show, but let’s see if it lives up to its 80s awesoemness.

Intro is as painfully bland as any wrestling intro is in the 80s, with the WWF logo flying over water for no particular reason before we get a shot of New York City with Gorilla commentating about the show, saying nothing that you wouldn’t expect him to say. Of course Madison SQUARE Garden is the roundest building you’ll ever see. We get a more standard intro with the four guys in the main event along with Liz and Virgil and Ventura, who is the referee tonight.

This is more like it with the kick ass WWF 80s song in the background. After that we hear our commentators, with Monsoon sounding so completely unexcited about this show that it’s pathetic. Now granted it was a new idea at the time and no one really had a clue if it was going to work or not, but at least try to sound excited please? Graham calls Hogan his hero which makes me laugh as Hogan stole half of Graham’s stuff to make himself the legend he is today.

The crowd is counting down something in the background which I’m guessing is the start of the PPV feed. We go straight from this to the first match, as the heels have no music.

Rougeau Brothers vs. British Bulldogs

Oh yeah now this is what I’m talking about. Clearly I’m talking about it because I’m writing about it as you know because you’re reading this since I guess there’s nothing good on TV. I have to turn off the IC Title DVD for this and I’m on the Shawn/Razor ladder match so I really must love you guys. Apparently the French guys are about to move to the US which gets boos from the crowd which I can’t quite get.

BIG pop for the Bulldogs who I think are about done at this point. Matilda clears the ring. The French dudes are heels that try to convince everyone they’re faces but still cheat in their matches. They would also hug each other WAY too much, and on the infamous occasion, one rubbed a Bushwacker’s balls. Very nice old school tag team match going on here with speed and power for the Brits against speed and cheating from your heels.

This is very solid stuff here and these guys are just beating the heck out of each other using some old school tactics. You get not one but two great beatdowns of one face before the hot tag, leading to the second which just makes this even better. During one of the beatdowns, this one being the one on Dynamite, he’s put into an abdominal stretch and Gorilla starts to complain about it.

For the love of all things good and holy, SHUT UP ABOUT THE STUPID FOOT. I have seen a lot of Monsoon matches and he has complained about the stupid foot being hooked in an abdominal stretch so many times that I want to hurt someone. Dang it let it go. It’s a freaking  rest hold that never wins anything at all. Although, maybe if they hooked the foot they would win with it…Oh screw it now I’m all confused.

Anyway, in the end the faces just start beating the tar out of the heels but they never quite can put them away. That makes both teams look equally strong as one team gets to show off their offensive skills and the other gets to show how resilient they are. That’s a very nice touch that you don’t’ see much anymore. Eventually both teams hit their finishers but only the faces kick out of them.

They don’t win though as just after Dynamite hits the headbutt, the time limit is up and we’re done. The Bulldogs chase the heels down with Graham saying that’s the right thing to do and to finish it in the shower if they have to.

Rating: B. This was a great way to open things up for both the show and the series, but the lack of a real finish hurts it. Both teams looked good here as neither really dominated either part of the match. Both teams were playing to their characteristics very well and all four men looked good. One thing though: I have never seen a match with so many monkey flips. Literally, I saw at least 5 of them and attempts at two or three more. Why so many I wonder?

We see how Ron Bass injured Brutus Beefcake in one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. The idea is that he choked Brutus out and cut him open with a spur. Since we can’t handle a single cut on a guy’s head, a big red X with the word censored across it comes on screen. The problem is, the X doesn’t cover Brutus’ head but more of his chin, leaving the cut completely visible. This means he can’t challenge for the IC belt tonight.

Bad News Brown vs. Ken Patera

O…….k. Patera is one of the more interesting cases you’ll ever find in wrestling. He was legitimately one of the strongest men in the world as he had came in third in the first World’s Strongest Man contest. He was given the IC Title and was going to be given a main event level push and likely the title at one point. Until one night at a McDonald’s however.

He and a Japanese wrestler were refused service for one reason or another which I believe was that the restaurant was closed. Allegedly, Ken threw a rock through the window, although he still denies he did this. Later, the pair was arrested at a hotel but they beat up the cops. He was put in jail for two years and came back as a face to feud with the Heenan Family.

Allegedly, and that should be heavily emphasized, he and Hogan were supposed to main event Mania 4, which I don’t believe for a second as it just would have been awful. Anyway, at this point he just sucked bad and was a jobber to the stars so the ending here is a tad obvious.

This is little more than a squash although Patera is apparently the favorite. It’s only about 6 and a half minutes though so what do you really want here? Both guys are more power guys so the styles are already clashing. Brown is in control for the earlier part of the match and the rest is just Ken trying to lock in a submission for the win because he doesn’t know how to do anything else, which is rather pathetic.

He’s just awful out there as his only moves are the bearhug and the full nelson. He gets one on but the other, the nelson, never happens. Brown wins it after a running enziguri called the Ghetto Blaster which is just a sweet name to say the least.

Rating: D+. This was bad. Patera was just horrible and while Brown was pretty good, there was just way too much of a clash of styles to overcome. It was a good try I guess, but at the end there was just too high of a level of suck to overcome.

WWF is promoting boxing for some reason.

Hogan and Savage say that Elizabeth is their secret weapon. Doesn’t that kind of blow the secret aspect of it?

Rick Rude vs. Junk Yard Dog

Rude is of course a master on the mic as he always is, despite saying the exact same thing every time. At the same time, JYD continues to be the most overrated wrestler I’ve ever been forced to watch. He does nothing of note ever except head butt people. What’s the appeal of that, seriously? Graham says that he practices headbutting cars. Number one, why would Graham know that, and B, what in the world is Graham on?

Neither guy really does anything special here as it’s mainly rest holds and punching. Eventually Rude puts him down and goes to the top rope where he pulls his tights down to show tights with Roberts’ wife on them. This was in the middle of a huge feud with Rude and Roberts.

Rude has a gimmick of picking a woman to kiss before every match. One night he picked Roberts’ wife Cheryl and the kiss had no effect at all. This started the feud because it was apparently Rude’s fault that Cheryl let him kiss her. Anyway, it’s a DQ finish as Roberts runs down and beats up Rude because of the tights thing.

Rating: D. This was somehow worse than the last match. Back to back matches each running about six and a half minutes and both being horrible is a bad way to get a show going after a good time limit draw match. Seriously, Dog was awful as always so at least he’s consistent, Rude wasn’t sure of what he was doing yet, and Roberts had to save the whole thing. That’s never a good sign.

Honky Tonk Man says he doesn’t care who he faces tonight.

Bolsheviks vs. Powers of Pain

The Powers are actually faces at this point and managed by some guy named the Baron. They were pretty badly hated though while Demolition was ridiculously popular, leading to a double switch at Survivor Series. Once again, it’s a clash of styles. Neither team is popular or hated enough to really be cared about here so this is more filler as they’re beginning to acknowledge that this is a very bad card overall and they have no idea what they’re doing.

The Powers are definitely the best team here though and it’s painfully obvious that they’re carrying this thing. The Baron might be the most worthless manager of all time which is saying something as the Russians are managed by Slick. Warlord never once goes off his feet in this which makes the Russians look even weaker. This is a squash despite the Powers never really being in control until the end. Barbarian hits a sweet headbutt from the top for the pin and a surprisingly good pop.

Rating: C+. This was miles better than the previous two squashes as it was actually a squash and not a squash designed to look like a real match. It was designed to make the Powrs look good before the big showdown with Demolition, but the double turn that was absolutely necessary given the circumstances changed those plans in a big hurry.

Survivor Series promo, complete with footage from WM 3, as WWF continues to attempt to crush the NWA which I’ll cover more in detail when we cover the Survivor Series.

Brother Love Show

Hacksaw is your guest. Love was a parody of corrupt televangelists at the time which is really quite funny when you think about it, or at least it is to me. I used to be scared to death of him. Hacksaw might have been the third or fourth biggest face in the company at this time after the Mega Powers and arguably Roberts. Actually, I’d say he was third and even second after February when Savage turned on my first birthday.

Duggan might be the simplest character of all time yet he’s just flat out awesome and so over it’s scary to say the least. More or less he calls out Dino Bravo, saying that he’s not a good Canadian after Love mentions him. He then just yells at Love to scare the heck  out of him which is great because it’s so basic yet so awesome. He looks like this big grizzled mountain man with a stick that he threatens people with as he imposes his will on them. How awesome is that? Duggan chases him off to end this.

Another boxing promo as I guess we’re cross promoting now. Now that I remember it, Leonard was in the front row at Mania 5 and they mention him by name.

Intercontinental Title: Honky Tonk Man vs. Mystery Opponent

This is your famous moment from this show and it’s by far and away the shortest of the matches on the card. Honky was supposed to fight Brutus in a rematch from Mania 4 but he’s hurt so it’s the new #1 contender. Honky still holds the mega record for the IC belt at about 16 months or so. Fink apparently doesn’t know who it is which is stupid as Okerlund knew earlier but Honky didn’t want to know.

Warrior’s music hits and the roof goes off. Warrior beats Honky in about 15 seconds which was just a beatdown. The people are marking out over this and I can’t blame them as Warrior was even more insane back then, making this just freaking sweet to see as Honky was annoying and finally got put into his place. At least he’s not in drag though.

Rating: A+. This is complete and utter perfection for what it was supposed to be. Honky had been the bane of wrestling fans’ existences for about 16 months as he had constantly gotten himself counted out or disqualified to hold onto the title. Warrior just bull rushed him and beat the living tar out of him in like 15 seconds. To say the fans exploded is an understatement. They blew the roof off the place and the moment is absolutely perfect.

Survivor Series 88 is going to be a year after Survivor Series 87. This is three and a half minutes of video from last year’s show. Is there a point to this? I mean we’re getting long clips of it, upwards of 30 straight seconds and a minute a match. They skip the women’s match though as the diva hating started back then. At the end they have Hogan posing, despite him losing that night.

Don Muraco vs. Dino Bravo

Muraco was about done at this point and Bravo was on his way to being about the level that Miz is on at the moment. Yeah, that must have been an intermission. Heenan comes to the broadcast booth before the match to say that the heels in the main event are ready and the faces are terrified. Monsoon throws him out. This is another rematch from the tournament. Heenan comes back.

This match is less about the match and more about Graham and Heenan arguing about who is stronger, despite neither managing either guy. Muraco used to have Graham as his manager and a lot of the criticism comes from an attempt by Bravo at the world bench pressing record at the first Rumble.

He didn’t get it of course but did with Jesse’s help. Yet again, we have a clash of styles but in this one it works a lot better because Muraco can wrestle a technical set well enough to make this work. This only goes about five and a half minutes but they tell a decent little story that ends with Bravo winning with his side suplex.

Rating: B-. This was pretty good I thought. Now it wasn’t a classic, but it was fine for what it was: two power guys hitting each other. It passed the time ok but I wish we had less arguing with the announcers. It was just getting annoying at the end with Graham incessantly whining about how it wasn’t fair.

Holy crap it’s ANOTHER Survivor Series promo. I think WWF is being too subtle here.

Ventura has taken money from DiBiase apparently.

Tag Titles: Demolition vs. Hart Foundation

This is two years before we get what I think is the best PPV tag title match ever. It’s one of the better match on the card so hopefully this is good. The Harts are glorified jobbers here as they’re freshly face and against the monsters known as Demolition. Even though they’re former champions somehow they’re jobbers. That makes limited sense even in wrestling. Jimmy Hart, the former Hart Foundation manager, is a special adviser here.

Axe and Bret start us off here. Billy thinks Bret is the smallest guy out there. Where would we be without his expert wisdom? The Harts speed it up and work on the arm of Smash. Axe kicks Anvil in the back of the head to take over though and the bearded wonder is in trouble. Billy says once they win the tag titles the Harts are going to go outside, grab a girl and do some damage to her. WHAT IS WITH THIS GUY?

Bret gets sent into the post shoulder first and HARD too. That looked very painful and Bret sells it like the master of selling that he is. Neidhart (called Hitman by Billy of course) chases Jimmy to the back as Bret’s arm is destroyed even further. Graham talks about some top rope move Demolition is about to do while Smash just stands there on the apron. Dang I’m getting tired of his idiocy. It’s not even funny.

Hot tag to Anvil after Bret gets a desperation clothesline but of course the referee doesn’t see it. And then he gets the tag like 8 seconds later. I’ve never gotten the point of that. If you’re just going to do it again the next chance you get what’s the point of the false tag? It did add some heat to the second one so maybe that’s it. It would make sense.

Powerslam to Smash gets two. Axe has apparently left to chase an ice cream truck or something as he’s completely gone. Ah there he is to break up a backbreaker from Bret. Fuji is up on the apron but Anvil drills him. The Megaphone from Axe ends this though in a CHEAP ending. That feels like an ending from a house show.

Rating: B-. This was a solid match as you would come to expect from these four. The Harts weren’t very used to being faces at the time as Bret had just turned at Mania. Demolition was so far ahead of them at this point that the Harts got a major rub by hanging with them like this. Solid match, decent length, and so far by miles the best on the card, other than maybe the opening contest.

Honky wants his title back.

Big Boss Man vs. Koko B. Ware

YES!!! This wasn’t on the commercial release and I’ve looked for a copy of it for years. It’s a throwaway match but it not being here has drive me crazy. Slick distracts him to start and Boss Man takes an early advantage. Koko fires back and hits a dropkick to tie Boss Man up in the ropes. Boss Man is a lot fatter here than he would be known as.

A corner splash hits and Boss Man is into squash mode now. That’s all this is yet I couldn’t be happier to find it. That’s not something I expected but you never know what you’ll find when you’re a reviewer. He picks Koko up off a cover and Gorilla yells at him for it as usual. Koko escapes an arm hold but Boss Man hits the move where Koko is on the middle rope and Boss Man jumps on his shoulders. That needs a name. A top rope splash and a cross body miss (for Boss Man) so Koko hits a missile dropkick and splash for two. Boss Man Slam and we’re done.

Rating: D. I waited two years for THIS? It’s just an extended squash as Boss Man was still pretty new back in the day and this was the custom for shows like this. Koko never was anything more than a jobber to the stars so here he jobbed to a new star. Boss Man would be the new challenger to Hogan next.

For the love of god we get it about Survivor Series.

Warrior says he’s proud of his little warriors.

Hercules vs. Jake Roberts

Is it filler? Yep, it certainly is. Honestly, is it that hard to have another big match on the card other than the main event? I know there’s got to be something big out there. Why couldn’t it be Roberts vs. Rude in a big match? That would at least be interesting. Heenan not being at ringside means something apparently, as he’s about to leave Hercules to make Herc a face.

It’s a very basic match here until I get a huge laugh as Hercules puts on a chinlock and can clearly be seen calling spots to Jake. Graham deserves a raise for the save he makes by saying that when he was a wrestler and used a hold like this he would be telling his opponent that he was going down and that there was no way he could win.

That my friends, is an announcer covering for a mistake by a wrestler. It’s plausible at least. It’s complete BS, but it’s plausible. Other than getting a good laugh and a surprise after Graham calls a move a bump, this is a pretty bland match. I can almost call every spot before it happens.

Roberts goes for the DDT, he gets backdropped, he misses a running knee, and we move to the next sequence. That’s just not a good sign at all no matter what. Roberts eventually gets the DDT and that means the end.

Rating: C-. My goodness these matches have been bad. I don’t mean the in ring work is bad as it’s been acceptable, but they’re just there. This would be a great house show, but this is a PPV which I guess at the time was fine since no one knew what they were doing with it. This is another match that’s just there. It’s not great but it’s just barely passable.

Far too long of a recap talking about the build for the main event. Part of this is about Jesse being bought off, mainly due to him supposedly being afraid of Andre.

Mega Powers vs. Mega Bucks

The crowd pops big for the announcement as we finally have something good going here. Jesse’s pop is very solid while not being huge. The heels have no music, which is sad considering DiBiase has some of the best music of all time. The pop for the faces is great and amazingly enough they come out to the same music which isn’t Real American. Hogan, actually letting someone else have top billing? WHAT THE HECK???

Liz of course looks insanely good in the red and yellow dress. The start of this takes forever as I guess the WWF wasn’t too hot on the idea of a crowd being into the match so they had to kill it for a bit. Ventura decides to change the location of the tag ropes. Who in the world freaking cares? Hogan just doesn’t look right with writing on his tights. Savage and Andre start which was a big match we never really got the proper version of.

We saw a few of them but never the true showdown we could have gotten. The match is given some time but it’s still less than 14 minutes. It’s what you’d expect from a main event tag though, as the faces start strong leading to a face comeback before the finish. In this case, the finish is pretty famous as the heels knock the faces to the floor and Liz gets up on the apron. She famously takes off her skirt to reveal her underwear and some very nice legs.

This was insane at the time as Liz was always viewed as a lady and for once she’s being viewed as a sex symbol. Anyway, Andre gets knocked down as DiBiase gets the elbow and gets pinned. The pin is funny as Hogan covers after a leg drop and Savage has to shove Ventura’s arm down for the three as he didn’t want to make the count. Post match we get the celebration with Liz in Hogan’s arms which doesn’t sit well with Savage as we plant the seeds for WM 5.

Rating: B. This was fine for a main event tag match as it was all about the biggest feud and biggest team in the company. It also set a very tiny bit of Mania 5 and advanced the major feuds. The wrestling is just what you would expect which is fine. This was perfectly acceptable.

Overall Rating: D+. I know it’s the first of its kind, but this show just flat out sucked. The main event is good and the tag title match was ok but other than that, this was just horrid. It’s a bunch of random matches which meant nothing and no one really wanted to watch. This was like a house show with a title change and a big main event. While obviously the series would improve, this was a very bad start for it. Watch it for the fact that it’s the inaugural Summerslam, but that’s it.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

 

WWWF House Show
Date: August 28, 1978
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Commentator: Vince McMahon

So apparently this is a different show than I thought it was. The show is dated wrong and it’s about a year after it was supposed to be. We’re in the Backlund Era here and tonight he defends against former champion Ivan Koloff. Other than that we have Dusty Rhodes vs. Billy Graham and Andre in a six man tag. Let’s get to it.

Stan Stasiak vs. Dominic DeNucci

Stasiak looks old and flabby. They trade some basic holds and it’s a standoff. Stasiak hooks the arm but DeNucci makes the rope. Stan gets in a right hand to take over and it’s into a front facelock. DeNucci cranks on the arm and bends it over his shoulder which the crowd is pleased with. Stasiak tries his Heart Punch but DeNucci ducks and goes right back to the arm.

We get a technical error as a graphic for the next match pops up on screen during an armbar. Stasiak kicks out of the armbar and is put right back into it, this time on the mat. Now Stasiak hooks the arm and uses the tights to keep DeNucci down. Dominic comes back and it’s right back to an armbar to keep Stasiak in trouble. Stasiak finally bails to the floor to break up the monotony. Back in and Stan gets all fired up and pounds away but the Heart Punch is broken up again.

They fight over a full nelson and exchange control of it more than once each. DeNucci finally says screw this and forearms Stasiak in the face. This match has time limit draw written all over it. They slug it out with Stasiak being staggered. Stasiak hooks a hammerlock and they slug it out some more. DeNucci hooks an abdominal stretch which he drops very quickly.

Stasiak elbows him in the face and both guys are down. Stan hits a cross body of all things for two and DeNucci does the same. I don’t think he taught Foley to do that one. The third attempt at a Heart Punch is countered and DeNucci knocks him to the apron. DeNucci works on the hand which apparently was injured coming into this. Dominic hits him with a Heart Punch and then a second one which has Stasiak in trouble.

Stasiak finally hits the Heart Punch….and it has no effect after the hand wrap he had was taken off. Instead he punches Dominic in the face which only gets him tied up in the ropes. They trade punches again with DeNucci in far better shape than Stasiak is here. DeNucci punches him down again and covers but the time limit expires.

Rating: C-. The match was pretty boring but this was a match of the times. The arm work and the punching was pretty dull but the fans were into this which is the point of an opening match. Stasiak was pretty dull in the ring but to be fair it was like six years after he had lost the title in the first place. Not a very good match or anything but at the time it wouldn’t have been horrible.

Baron Mikel Scicluna vs. Haystacks Calhoun

Calhoun is a big fat country boy while Baron is a European jerk. Baron pounds away on him but gets caught in the corner by the power of fat. Scicluna hammers away but Calhoun pounds him into the corner again. Off to a bearhug but Baron breaks it with a headbutt. Calhoun knocks him into the ropes and shakes him very hard. That’s a new one.

Now Calhoun sits on the other rope so the referee can’t untie him. Now that’s just not nice at all. He pokes Scicluna in the eyes but Baron comes back with some punches. Calhoun goes down and Baron uses a wide variety of stomps. The fat man comes back with some kicks and a back elbow to set up the splash for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was more fast paced but it wasn’t anything more interesting. Calhoun was one of those fun characters that got the crowd going while Scicluna was one of those evil foreign heels that isn’t really all that interesting. For some reason he’s in the Hall of Fame though, which is one of the more questionable entries in there. The match wasn’t terrible but the first thirty minutes of this show haven’t done anything for me so far.

Special Delivery Jones vs. Victor Rivera

Rivera has Freddie Blassie with him so you know he’s evil. He stalls a lot but gets in a cane shot to take over. Blassie leaves which I think was a rule of some kind back then. Jones gets knocked to the floor and Rivera stomps on him from inside. That goes on for a few minutes until Jones finally gets in a shoulder through the ropes. Rivera pops him in the ribs again to take over. Jones gets knocked to the floor again and the stalling continues.

He finally gets back in and knocks Rivera to the floor so the stalling can be reversed. We’re over five minutes into this now and there might have been a minute of contact so far. Back in now and Rivera stomps away very slowly. Off to a nerve hold as this is going nowhere at all. Jones comes back with some elbows but gets pulled back to the mat. That works so well that they do it again. Jones comes back with a headbutt and dances a bit. A charge into the post misses though and Rivera wins with a suplex.

Rating: F. This was one of the most boring matches I have ever seen. When about nine minutes of a ten minute match are spent either in a nerve hold or stalling, there’s no way you can call this a success of any kind. If this match is any indication, I totally get why his match at WrestleMania went about 30 seconds. Horribly uninteresting match.

WWWF World Title: Bob Backlund vs. Ivan Koloff

Bob is defending and Ivan has Albano with him. Backlund has only been champion about six months at this point. It’s weird seeing Backlund being in his late 20s and looking even younger. The name graphic leaves the A out of Backlund’s name. Backlund backdrops him to start as the crowd goes very silent for some reason. A headscissors puts Ivan down and Backlund holds on with a leg vice around Ivan’s head. They go to the mat and Backlund bridges up in a nice power display.

Ivan puts him on the top rope but gets kicked away. Off to another standoff and it’s test of strength time. Backlund goes down but comes back with a top wristlock, only to get caught in a headscissors. This goes on for a few minutes until Bob does a reverse nipup to escape. He dropkicks Ivan down and hooks a headscissors of his own as this is getting repetitive. Then again this is the way a lot of these matches went back then so this would be considered a big deal back then.

Backlund takes him back down again but gets caught in headscissors #4 of the night so far. Backlund finally gets out of that one as well and works on the knee a bit. Somehow we’re over fifteen minutes into this despite almost nothing happening other than headscissors so far. Bob stays on the leg and hooks a hold on for a few minutes. That’s another sign of the times: holds stay on FOREVER. I mean this one has been on for nearly four minutes at this point.

It finally gets broken up and Ivan suplexes him down for two. The idea of selling an injury must not have been invented yet. Or maybe it just doesn’t translate into Russian. Ivan hooks a short arm scissors but you can’t use that move on Bob Backlund, as in the guy that invented the counter that British Bulldog made famous on Shawn Michaels back in 1992.

Bob puts him on the top rope to counter and hooks something like a spinning toehold. Thankfully this one lasts less than the usual two hours with Ivan kicking him in the ribs. Ivan sends him into the ropes but they ram heads, sending Bob to the floor. Koloff is smart and breaks up the count so he can still win the title. Backlund gets rammed into the post and a backbreaker gets two.

Ivan goes up top for the biggest pop (and possibly the only one so far) of the match but his top rope knee drop misses. Backlund sends him in but gets kicked down again, this time back to the floor again. Koloff breaks up the count again, this time by going up top and jumping down onto the apron, kicking Bob in the head on the way down. That would be considered a big spot back then.

Backlund is busted open and we have to have the doctor look at it. That doesn’t work so the fight continues. Backlund goes off as he is known to do and Ivan is in trouble. A backdrop puts the challenger down…and the match is stopped because of the cut. Trash fills the ring and I can’t quite say I blame them for that.

Rating: C-. The ending was stupid but it had more to do with the athletic commission rather than the booking or anything. That being said, it made no sense to say Backlund can’t continue when he was beating the tar out of Koloff but whatever. Also, this match was fairly boring as I was looking for things to talk about during those rest holds which went on forever. I know it’s a different era, but that doesn’t make it any less dull.

Backlund wants to keep going but Ivan walks away. The title doesn’t change hands for some reason even though Ivan wins.

Luck Graham vs. Peter Maivia

Peter would of course be more famous for his grandson than anything he ever accomplished. Graham’s nickname is either Crazy or Fabulous depending on who you listen to. Peter is pretty short but he looks tough. Some bodybuilder is on commentary now with Vince. Feeling out process to start with no one having an advantage so far. Graham hooks the wrist for the first advantage of the match.

Vince criticizes Luke’s physique but he doesn’t own the company yet so it doesn’t mean as much at the moment. The hold goes on for awhile as is the custom in the 70s. Maivia finally rakes the eyes to break the hold before firing off some right hands. I think Maivia is the face here but it’s really not clear. Samoans tend to be evil but it would be weird to have a big monster like Luke against a tiny villain.

Peter hooks a nerve hold on Graham before punching him in the face again. Off to a bearhug as it does appear that Maivia is the bad guy here. Luke pokes Maivia in the throat to escape and both guys are down. Graham drops some slow motion ax handles onto the back of Maivia and they slug it out a bit. Peter chokes away as this match needs to end pretty soon. Maivia charges into a punch and Graham hits him in the throat again….and that’s a DQ.

Rating: D. The match was boring already because someone decided to give this fourteen minutes, and then they gave us that lame ending. I still have no idea who I was supposed to like in there but I think it was Maivia. Either way this was a really uninteresting match and the fans didn’t seem to care at all either.

Dusty Rhodes vs. Billy Graham

This is a Texas Bullrope match and it’s pin or not being able to answer an 8 (yes 8) count. Jay Strongbow is referee for some reason. Graham doesn’t want to be tied up so Strongbow grabs him and ties him up anyway. Graham keeps running and Dusty keeps pulling him in. The elbow to the head puts Graham down and he tries to run again. Another elbow stuns Graham but he rakes the eyes to get a break.

Dusty gets choked by the rope but Billy misses an elbow drop. The Dream is busted open and Graham hooks his bearhug. That doesn’t last long for some reason so Billy goes up top. That’s REALLY FREAKING STUPID in a bullrope match as Dusty pulls him down to the mat. Billy is busted too and Dusty pounds away. Apparently this is the rubber match in a series. Graham comes back but Strongbow breaks it up for some reason. Dusty elbows him in the head and that’s enough for the 8 count and the win. That was a really abrupt ending.

Rating: C. This was fun while it lasted but unfortunately that wasn’t too long. There’s something cool about letting two guys beat the stuffing out of each other and that’s what happened here. I still don’t get what Strongbow had to do with this but maybe it was Graham’s next feud. Dusty never did much in the WWF but he did enough elsewhere to make up for it.

Women’s Title: Vicki Williams vs. Fabulous Moolah

Who do you think is defending? Moolah looks very different with black hair. Vicki whips her around by said hair to start and grabs an armbar. Moolah takes her down into a cross armbreaker but Vicki easily counters. That counter sequence goes on for awhile until Moolah says screw this wrestling nonsense and chokes away in the corner. Sunset flip gets two for Vicki. Moolah grabs a rollup out of nowhere for the pin.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here but that was common for the girls back then. Moolah held the title for about 20 years so it was pretty common to see her win here. Vicki was the challenger of the week for her so it’s not like this match meant anything. Vicki probably trained her too.

The main event is one I’ve done from Best of the WWF Volume 14 so I’ll just copy and paste it.

Spiros Arion/Yukon Lumberjacks vs. Andre the Giant/Tony Garea/Dino Bravo

This is from the late 70s. The Lumberjacks are the tag champions and named Eric and Pierre. We’re in MSG here and this is 2/3 falls. Very international match here with three Canadians, a Frenchman, a Greek and a New Zealander. Vince is the lone commentator here and actually calls Andre Andre Roussimoff. Eric is the Lumberjack with blonde hair. Got it. He starts with Garea.

Two quick armdrags send Eric running to bring in Arion. I think we’re clipped but I’m not sure. This is just punching. Off to Pierre, meaning Garea has fought all three guys now. Off to a top wristlock and I think the camera is just jumping around a lot. Either that or it’s the best clipping I’ve ever seen. Eric comes in again and gets slammed. The heels finally get Tony into the corner but Andre breaks that up, drawing a DQ for the first fall. I forgot it was 2/3 so that bell was really surprising. Oh wait the Lumberjacks got disqualified for the triple teaming. Ok then.

Garea and Eric start the second fall as well. Bravo comes in for the first time and I’ve never seen him move that fast. Arion comes in and we get a crisscross. Bravo beats Eric up for awhile but Pierre comes in to take over. A slam gets two. Off to Andre and the place erupts. See, this is something you don’t have in WWE anymore: an attraction. Andre was someone that was beloved and the people didn’t care what he did.

Andre here is in the last match of the night (more brilliant booking. Why have him in the middle and let everyone leave after he’s been in the ring? More beers and Cokes sold while people wait) and it’s a worthless six man tag, but the people want to see him. It’s not about some angle or the world title or whatever. It’s about Andre and whatever he’s doing. The people told the company what they wanted to see and that’s who got the big spot. Not the other way around. Very key difference. As for the match, a splash ends it about 10 seconds after Andre comes in.

Rating: C-. The match was boring, but it’s amazing to see something like Andre when he was still young(ish) and could move. The crowd reacts to him and that’s all it needs to be. He didn’t have to spend ten minutes sucking up to them. He was cool and the fans reacted to it. What more did you need than that?

Overall Rating: D+. The best thing I can say about this is that I’ve seen worse. The 70s are just such a different time that it’s hard for a modern fan to watch something like this and get into it. The wrestling wasn’t that great here but it wasn’t the worst ever. The ton of rest holds hurt things a lot and the crowd wasn’t all that excited about a lot of this stuff. It really is amazing how much Hogan changed everything just a few years after this.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

WWF Wrestling Challenge
Date: February 14, 1988
Location: Wicomico Youth and Civic Center, Salisbury, Maryland
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

Happy Valentine’s Day and it’s time to talk about the Main Event. The gag order thing is gone now and we can talk about what happened nine days ago. I don’t remember if they did last week or not but they certainly are here. The world title is currently in question and it’s possible we’ll hear about the solution to that problem, which would take place at Wrestlemania IV. Let’s get to it.

Gene immediately screws up two things: he says he’s at ringside when he’s on the platform and says let’s go to our announcers but it’s the opening segment.

We look at a highlight package from The Main Event. By that I mean about seven minutes out of a nine minute match. We also get the post match reveal of the second Dave Hebner.

DiBiase is wearing the title and says he told us all this would happen but no one believed him. He looks like pure evil with that on him.

We also get Hogan’s ranting promo from that night, wanting to know how much money did it cost to pay off Hebner.

Jack Tunney says that neither Hogan nor Andre nor DiBiase is world champion. The title is vacant and there will be a tournament at Wrestlemania IV for the title. The brackets are shown and in a little interesting bit of trivia, they’re different than they would be at the PPV. The pairings are all the same but they’re in a different order. Hogan and Andre receive first round byes.

The show is almost half over already.

Don Muraco vs. Ken Johnson

Muraco is fired up for the tournament. The match is a lot of stalling until Muraco gets his hands on him. A suplex puts Johnson down and drives a knee into his face from the top rope. Tombstone and we’re done.

Jim Duggan is fired up for the tournament. He can’t worry about his second round opponent though.

We get some highlights of Warrior vs. Hercules last week where the chain was broken.

Islanders vs. Lanny Poffo/Eric Cooper

Tama and Poffo get us going with Lanny working on the arm. Cooper comes in and the beating begins. Gorilla talks about wrestling Sammartino for 94 minutes. Ok then. A suplex/cross body combination pins Cooper quick.

Slick says his men are ready for Mania. Reed and OMG seem confident too.

We get the end of Bigelow vs. Joe Mirto. Ok then.

Hogan still wants to know how much Dibiase paid the referee. He isn’t preaching the gospel of Hulkamania because he’s got a bye in the first round. This is one of his out there promos.

Honky Tonk Man plugs the WWF Magazine.

Bad News Brown vs. David Stoudemire

Total squash here so there isn’t much to say. Heenan and Gorilla argue about Hebner and the tournament until the Ghetto Blaster ends this.

Jose Estrada/Dusty Wolfe vs. British Bulldogs

The Bulldogs say Matilda is recovering. Smith and I think Wolfe start us off and there’s the delayed suplex. The powerslam/headbutt combo ends the massacre.

DiBiase and Andre say they’ll win the tournament.

Overall Rating: B. It’s hard to call this one as the majority of the show was a recap of the events on the fifth. That being said, those were some very interesting events and seeing them again is something that sets up the vast majority of Wrestlemania IV, which is a huge deal. Based on that alone, I’ll say this is a good show but your individual taste may vary.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Superstars of Wrestling
Date: November 22, 1986
Location: Broome County Arena, Binghamton, New York
Attendance: 6,400
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura, Bruno Sammartino

Wow I haven’t done one of these in awhile. We’re closing in on 1987 and the beginning of the build towards Wrestlemania. I’m hoping the source I get these from finishes out the year because I have about the first three months worth of Superstars from that year already done. It’s an awesome time period for the company and things are just about to explode. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence does its opening thing.

Vince runs down the card and HOKEY SMOKE there are two famous things on this show.

Steamboat talks about his match later on but I won’t spoil who it’s against. Never mind as it’s the opener.

Intercontinental Title: Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat

Hebner and Danny Davis argue over who gets to be the referee here. Steamboat is all fired up but Hebner (who I guess won the argument) tears him off Savage. Ricky speeds things up again and slams the champ down for two before hitting the armdrag into the armbar as only he can. Savage gets up and runs Steamboat over a few times but gets caught in another perfect armdrag.

Savage counters by ramming Ricky into the buckle and drops a knee for two. The double ax off the top gets a somewhat delayed two but Savage thinks he won. Steamboat sends him into the corner but Savage comes out with a spinning crossbody. Ricky rolls through it and gets two for himself though. Now Randy gets whipped into the corner and Steamboat hits a top rope chop but doesn’t cover.

Steamboat pounds away and even Vince isn’t sure why he didn’t cover. When 1986 McMahon questions you, you must have REALLY done something stupid. Sunset flip doesn’t work for Steamboat but he skins the cat and gets an O’Connor Roll for two. The referee gets knocked down by Savage (accident) and Steamboat hits the cross body.

Hebner tries to count but Davis blocks the count for no apparent reason. Well that’s assuming you don’t count being EVIL as a reason. They go to the floor and Savage rams him into the barricade. He goes up top and drops the ax onto Steamboat, ramming the Dragon’s throat into the barricade. That gives Savage the countout win but the more important stuff is coming.

Rating: B-. Even though it ended with a countout, this was one of the best Superstars matches I can ever remember. Then again, look at the people in it. Would you expect anything else? This was much more about building an angle rather than the match though, so we should get back to what’s going on.

Savage gets the bell and drives it into Steamboat’s throat, further injuring Steamboat’s windpipe. This draws MOLTEN heat from the crowd and would set up their rematch and arguably the best match ever at Wrestlemania 3. Savage would go on to feud with Steele for a few months until on SNME when Steele said he had a surprise for Savage. I think you can fill in the blanks yourself, and it was AWESOME. Steamboat is taken out on a stretcher while Vince shouts about how he can’t breathe.

UPDATE!

Paul Orndorff is the #1 contender to Hulk Hogan and thinks anyone claiming otherwise is crazy. Orndorff says comparing him to Hogan is like comparing ice cream to horse manure.

Al Navaro vs. Junkyard Dog

Powerslam in maybe 35 seconds ends this. Next.

Bruno can’t believe what he just saw with Steamboat and Savage. Steamboat is getting looked at and can’t breathe still. An ambulance is coming.

Hogan says he’s ready for Kamala in the Boston Gardens. I’ve seen that match actually and it sucked.

Billy Graham is out in Phoenix and says he’s training in the desert.

Dino Bravo vs. Kurt Kauffman

This is another squash that runs almost twice as long as the previous one. Bravo wins it with a belly to back suplex before Fink can finish reading the house show ads.

The Islanders say they’re ready for the Dream Team in Boston. It’s weird hearing Haku talk.

Outback Jack is training with some natives in Australia. Ok then.

Jimmy Jack Funk vs. Dick Slater

Oh jeez the Rebel Dick Slater. This was one of those gimmicks that went NOWHERE and thankfully didn’t last long. Slater says that he’s from the south while Funk jumps him. He fights back but goes up and gets slammed off. Dick comes back with a neckbreaker and Funk begs off. An elbow to the head sets up the figure four but Funk escapes. Slater sends him into the buckle and hits a top rope elbow to the back followed by a regular one for the pin. Just a squash for the most part.

Time for Piper’s Pit. The guests are King Curtis, Kim Chee and Kamala. Curtis shouts a lot as he is known to do and talks about Piper needing friends in the future. Piper wants to know what the moon on Kamala’s stomach means. Kamala takes his mask off and that’s about it.

Billy Jack Haynes vs. Ray Vance

This is almost joined in progress for some reason. Haynes pounds him down with pure power and hooks the full nelson for the tap out. This lasted maybe a minute or so.

Now we get what is probably a one time only thing in wrestling history: Honky Tonk Man hears the results of a fan poll, asking for a vote of confidence. If the fans vote him down then they don’t approve of him. If they vote for him, they like him. This is basically voting for him to stay face or turn heel. With 674,000 votes in, over 600,000 are against Honky. He’s not happy and storms off.

Hillbilly Jim/Tito Santana/Pedro Morales vs. Dream Team/Johnny V

Jim and Valentine start things off but it’s off to Morales very quickly. Off to Beefcake who gets backdropped quickly and Tito gets the tag. Santana cleans house and it’s back to Jim. Beefcake takes the Hillbilly down and Johnny V comes in. That goes nowhere so Santana comes in for the Figure Four. Everything breaks down and Davis throws it out, but DQ’s Santana’s team for starting the whole thing. Too short to rate but it was about Davis so there you go.

More Boston show stuff with Heenan talking about how great Pedro Morales used to be. He’s facing Harley Race, but let’s talk about Orndorff instead. Heenan doesn’t like that Kamala is getting the title match against Hogan but it’s the JYD that is getting Orndorff in Boston. JYD is just a roadblock and he needs to get ready to get run over. Solid promo here.

Steamboat has been taken to the hospital. Savage wants an update and Sammartino isn’t happy. They get in a fight which led to a brief feud between the two of them.

Overall Rating: B. Considering my biggest complaint about this show is that nothing ever happens, how can I not give this a higher than average rating? Two BIG things happened here as well as we had what was probably the best match in the history of the show up to this point. Good show here and easily the best they’ve had so far.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Backlash 2001
Date: April 29, 2001
Location: Allstate Arena, Rosemont, Illinois
Attendance: 15,592
Commentators: Paul Heyman, Jim Ross

 

I’m not doing Backlash just yet but I’m coming up on this one in the Raw 2001 reviews so I figured I better knock it out so I don’t have to do it later. There are two big matches here as we have Benoit vs. Angle in an Ultimate Submission match (iron man match, submissions only) and HHH/Austin vs. Kane/Taker in a match where are the titles are on the line. Let’s get to it.

 

Opening video talks about how he who has the gold has the power. Fitting start considering the main event has all the titles in it which is rather stupid indeed but whatever.

 

Dudley Boys vs. X-Factor

 

Six man tag here with all three Dudleyz vs. X-Pac, Credible and Albert. Dang they go from one of the most famous tag matches ever to a six man opening a PPV four weeks later. Brawl to start with the Dudleys clearing the ring. They launch Spike onto Pac and Credible on the floor which is always fun. Spike and Credible start us off with Spike getting a crucifix for two.

 

Off to Albert who counters the Dudley Dog to take over. Back to Justin and the white socks of fear. Powerbomb out of the corner gets two as this crowd is red hot. Double tags bring in D-Von and Pac and Albert cheats, allowing Pac to kick D-Von’s head off to take over again. X-Factor minus Pac puts D-Von’s balls against the post as this is a rather fast paced match.

 

Pac gets two off a legdrop and we hit the chinlock. D-Von tries a comeback but walks into a Boss Man Slam to keep him down. Off to Albert who hits a pretty sweet delayed butterfly suplex for two. After a double clothesline it’s hot tag Bubba who cleans house on all three guys. What’s Up to Justin and it’s table time. Albert kills D-Von though and the distraction allows Credible and Pac to hit a double superkick on Bubba for the pin.

 

Rating: B-. Pretty solid opener here with some fast paced stuff. They got the crowd into the show (ok so this is Chicago so it’s not like it was that hard) and the ending worked. Nothing wrong with having heels win the opener as the match was good enough to get the fans over it. Also the lack of feud prevents the whole emotional damage.

 

X-Factor tries to put Bubba through a table but due to the laws of wrestling, Pac goes through it instead.

 

The Duchess of Queensbury, a guy in drag, is here for the match later with Regal and Jericho. This was one of those weird ideas that isn’t talked about after this show. Regal in a collared shirt and trunks is a weird looks.

 

Angle says he’s confident and that’s fine.

 

We get a clip of Jerry Lynn winning the Light Heavyweight Title on Heat with a handful of tights which was rather surprising.

 

Hardcore Title: Raven vs. Rhyno

 

Rhyno is champion. This is considered one of the best hardcore matches ever so let’s see if it lives up to its hype. Rhyno tries a Gore immediately but Raven drop toeholds him into the stop sign. Trashcan shot gets two. Rhyno takes over with a running shoulder in the corner and the beating begins. Raven gets a trashcan up to block a running charge but it hurts him even more. He falls out to the floor and gets covered for two.

 

Rhyno sets up the steps and puts Raven in a chair. He tries a run up the stairs to set up a dive, only to crush the chair. Raven uses the same setup but gets a clothesline off the steps for two. Back inside for half a second as Rhyno takes over again. Raven gets his head taken off by a trashcan lid and a sign shot gets two. Back into the ring and Rhyno hits him with a shopping cart. Whatever works I guess.

 

Drop toehold puts Rhyno into the cart and down he goes. A bunch of sign shots take Rhyno down and a LOUD one does it again. Bulldog out of the corner gets two. Rhyno picks up the shopping cart but Raven gets a trashcan shot in to have the cart fall on Rhyno for two. Cart goes into Rhyno’s ribs but Rhyno gets a sign shot in to get two. Momentum shifts back and forth a lot in this match. Rhyno tries the Gore into the shopping cart but misses and Rhyno is stuck inside the cart. We go to a replay of it and during that the Gore ends Raven. That fits the move as the move is supposed to come out of nowhere, which it did there.

 

Rating: B. Well they were right, this was good. The key thing here is it never got silly. This was more about violence than the weapons if that makes sense. Most of the time there would be comedy spots in something like this but here, it was all about the violence and the brutality out there, making for a far better and more entertaining match.

 

We get a clip from Smackdown where Shane read a book called Shane and the Beanstalk to Big Show. Funny stuff here. The idea of the feud is that Vince is mad at Shane for being all rebellious and for destroying him at Mania and buying WCW, so he sent Show out to kill him. That one piece swimsuit was deadly indeed. The story is actually kind of funny. It’s last man standing by the way.

 

Shane is about to talk but Stephanie comes up and says he should apologize to Vince. Stephanie, you look great, but your acting is uh….bad.

 

Austin gets here.

 

Coach tries to find out the rules of the Duchess of Queensbury match. The Duchess doesn’t know who Coach is. Regal breaks it up and yells at Coach.

 

We recap Regal vs. Jericho with the exact same video from Mania. Basically Regal is commissioner and Jericho said he was boring so Regal tormented him. This is the second match and no one knows the rules of this match but Regal. Gee, think there’s a swerve coming?

 

William Regal vs. Chris Jericho

 

Either Regal got taped up in record time or that Duchess thing was taped earlier. This is a Duchess of Queensbury Rules match. He brings out the Duchess after some donkey-hole chants. The Duchess has the whole old school British stereotype stuff on. There’s even a throne there for her. Jericho makes fun of Regal pre-match. There’s the bell and there’s still no idea what the rules are. Technical stuff to start as Jericho speeds things up. Out to the floor with Regal being besmirched a lot.

 

Back into the ring and the missile dropkick misses, giving Regal the advantage. Off to the chinlock which doesn’t last long. Regal goes up but Jericho gets a dropkick to slow him down and a rana to bring him back down. Lionsault hits and the bell rings before the count even begins. That’s the time limit for round one so the match has a break. Regal immediately grabs a rollup for two.

 

Jericho misses a dropkick and Regal hits a slingshot to send him into the top rope throat first. The Englishman hits a German to the Canadian as the Oklahoman complains. Regal Stretch goes on but Jericho grabs the rope. Jericho rolls through a rollup into the Walls and Regal taps immediately. And if you really believe that’s the ending, you have no business reading this. You can’t win by submission apparently, which clearly explains why Regal had the hold on a few moments earlier.

 

Jericho goes after the Duchess and Regal pops him with her scepter. It’s No DQ of course though, because that’s how the Duchess rolls. That only gets two back in the ring as Regal takes over again. Butterfly suplex gets two. Enziguri takes down Regal and Jericho stomps a mudhole in the corner. Jericho sets for the Walls but kicks Regal in the balls instead. Regal heads to the floor and a baseball slide sends Regal’s face into the Duchess’ royal vagina. The Duchess goes into the Walls and Regal pops him with a chair three times to end it.

 

Rating: D+. Pretty weak here as the ending was about as obvious as you could ask for. Also, this doesn’t really mean anything given that Jericho isn’t champion anymore. Granted the Alliance was coming soon so all of this would be forgotten. Not much going on here but it wasn’t terrible, just stupid.

 

Vince tells Show to hurt Shane.

 

We recap Angle vs. Benoit. Do you really need an explanation here? It’s an Ultimate Submission match with Benoit and Angle. There’s your explanation.

 

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

 

30 minute time limit, most submissions win. Angle says Chicago is full of fat sweaty pigs and needs winners. He makes fun of the city which is kind of funny. There’s a thirty second rest period between falls. After some feeling out stuff to start, Angle takes it to the mat and Benoit is all cool with that. Ankle lock doesn’t work so Kurt hits the floor to think for a bit.

 

This is going to be a long one as the clock is on the screen the entire time. Back in the ring and Angle takes Benoit down which gets him nowhere. Back to the mat again and this time to the floor. Benoit gets the Crossface out there and Angle taps but they’re outside so it doesn’t count. Five minutes in and no falls yet. Angle tries to bring in a chair as we stall a bit. With half an hour I can understand that though.

 

Back in and Angle is holding his shoulder a lot. And never mind as he was faking since he charges straight in and grabs the ankle lock for the quick tap. You could argue Benoit tapped early to prevent further damage but it still looks kind of weak by Benoit. Angle works on the ankle/knee but charges into a Crossface attempt. That doesn’t work so Benoit shifts to a cross armbreaker to tie us up.

 

Benoit rams Angle’s shoulder into the post and there’s the armbreaker again but Kurt leans forward to avoid a lot of the pressure before making the rope. Shoulder breaker by Benoit and he goes after Kurt, only to take out the referee at the ten minute mark. Angle gets a chair shot to the head and the ankle lock makes it 2-1. Angle jumps him during the rest period and you can’t really DQ him I guess.

 

Angle puts on a Crossface seconds later to make it 3-1. Maybe 10 seconds between the end of the rest period and the tap. Kurt hammers him some more and rams his face into the announce table. Benoit backdrops Angle to the floor but doesn’t take the time to breathe. Kurt’s shoulder goes into the post but Benoit’s everything goes into the steps. Ankle lock goes on but it’s still on the floor, meaning Benoit tapping doesn’t mean anything.

 

We go back in with fifteen minutes left and a 3-1 lead for Kurt. Benoit avoids a cross armbreaker by Kurt which wastes some time. Off to an abdominal stretch which Benoit counters into another cross armbreaker attempt but he can’t get the tap. Out of almost nowhere Benoit gets a Sharpshooter, only for Kurt to make the ropes again. A German is countered into a half Liontamer by Benoit (he used it before Jericho in WCW) for the tap to make it 3-2.

 

Kurt heads to the floor and it’s time to play defense. Benoit catches him pretty easily and sends him into the steps. Kurt tries to run again and the fans aren’t thrilled at all. With ten minutes to go Angle catches Benoit coming in and they slug it out a bit. Benoit can’t get back in for a bit and Kurt stomps him when he does. Angle hits a snap suplex back inside and keeps trying for the ankle lock.

 

Out to the floor again and they chop it out. Back in and Benoit gets a dragon screw but can’t hook the ankle. Benoit misses a dropkick and Angle locks in some freaky looking hold before going to a chinlock. Five minutes left as Benoit gets his arm up before a third drop. With four minutes left Benoit breaks the hold with a jawbreaker. And never mind as Kurt takes his head off with a clothesline.

 

Belly to belly by Kurt which is scary considering how long they’ve been out there. Another hits with three minutes left. Benoit manages to grab some Germans but gets reversed into an ankle lock which he reverses into an ankle lock of his own to tie it up at 3 with just over two minutes to go. The clock keeps running during the thirty second rest. Chop block by Benoit with 1:20 to go. Minute left and it’s German time again. Low blow by Kurt breaks that up but the ankle lock is broken quickly. Ankle lock goes on fill with 8 seconds left and we’re done. Benoit taps after the bell ends in a draw.

 

Just like in 96 though with Shawn and Bret, it’s time for some overtime, first submission wins it. If it continued though, why wouldn’t the tap just after the bell have ended it? Angle hammers him and the fans aren’t thrilled with him. They go to the mat and Angle grabs an abdominal stretch down there. There’s a Crossface out of nowhere and Angle taps for the ending. Like Benoit was losing in sudden death.

 

Rating: B. It was entertaining, but the main idea of Benoit vs. Angle is all about having them go back and forth with insane counters until one of them finally gets caught in something. That was taken away here and it brings the match down a lot. To be fair it’s still good but by comparison it’s definitely not as good.

 

Taker is mad at Kane but we can’t hear them. HHH and Stephanie are watching and say they’re coming up with excuses for tomorrow on Raw.

 

We recap Shane vs. Show which we’ve been over already so I’ll spare you from repeating it.

 

Big Show vs. Shane McMahon

 

Show hits the ropes a few times before Shane comes out. Shane comes out to a version of Here Comes The Money here. He has that stupid book with the fable in it with him also. Shane hides under the ring but pops out with a kendo stick to get in some solid shots. Big old clothesline takes him down though and we head back into the ring. Shane gets some solid chair shots and finally takes Show down.

 

Shane goes to the floor and gets a bag. He puts a surgical mask on and some gloves before grabbing a rag to put over Show’s face. This works for the most part and Show goes down to his knees. Now down to his stomach. The fans are completely behind Shane here. At about five Vince runs down and pops Shane with a chair. Show, ever the genius, pulls Shane up at about 8.

 

Final Cut puts Shane down again as we wait around more while the referee counts. That’s a large portion of most last man standing matches and it takes too much most of the time. Show picks him up again and drops him with a chokeslam. He picks Shane up again despite Shane being mostly dead. Torture Rack goes on but here’s Test to pound on Show. They had a thing on Smackdown so this works.

 

Show beats him down also and the big men go to the floor. Up towards the stage and Test gets in some weapon shots to slow him down a bit. Show beats on him some more and here comes Shane again. After some sign shots by Shane, Show finds a pipe from somewhere. Shane climbs the set to escape and Show goes after him. Test pulls him down and beats him up, allowing Shane to hit a HUGE dive, as in literally 25 feet or so to crush Show with an elbow. Test holds Shane up with a boom mic and we’re done. That spot was insane beyond belief.

 

Rating: C. You can only get on Shane so much for these, but the whole thing is basically Show beats on him, Shane is dead, Show picks him up, repeat. That took twelve minutes somehow. The big spot was cool but it didn’t really save the match. Also the replays showing that he totally missed didn’t help.

 

Vince is ticked off about Shane so Stephanie gives a badly scripted speech to chill him out. Vince declares HHH his only son.

 

Steve Blackman is at WWF New York and is impressed by the big dive. Grandmaster Sexay pops up to make me want to go on a shooting rampage.

 

European Title: Matt Hardy vs. Christian vs. Eddie Guerrero

 

Matt is champion, having beaten Eddie sometime between this show and Mania. Apparently it was three days ago. Good to know. Matt fights off a double team to start and that doesn’t last long at all. Matt is tossed to the floor so Christian jumps Eddie as a result. Powerslam gets two for the Canadian. Eddie snaps off a rana and pounds on Christian a bit more. Matt back in now and everyone is down.

 

Matt takes Christian down with a clothesline for two. Eddie is off somewhere, probably looking for a taco. Ah there he is and he pulls Matt to the floor, only for both of them to be taken down by a baseball slide by the Canadian. Matt gets a tornado DDT on the floor but is pulled back in by Eddie who hits a brainbuster for two. There goes Matt’s shirt and there go the teenage screams.

 

Christian saves Matt from taking a rana for some reason and Matt drops Christian onto Guerrero. Matt takes over and Christian accidentally takes out Eddie. Middle rope legdrop gets a big pop and a close two on Eddie. Edge pops up out of nowhere to spear Matt in the aisle and toss him back in for two for Eddie. Edge gets in but here’s Jeff to cancel him out. Unprettier to Eddie but Jeff mostly misses a Swanton to rbeak that up. Twist of Fate ends Christian and Matt retains.

 

Rating: C. Just kind of there really but this could have been on Raw. That being said, it was pretty good for a buffer match between the big ones as only the main event is left. Not a horrible match at all but at the same time it wasn’t all that great. Just kind of there which isn’t something you want on a PPV. I’ve seen worse though.

 

Ad for WWF New York.

 

We recap the main event. Basically HHH and Austin are the monster heel team with Vince in their corner and they destroyed the Hardys for fun. Taker and Kane are their first real challengers and are tag champions. HHH is IC Champion and it’s one of those matches where all the titles are on the line and whoever gets whatever fall gets whatever title.

 

WWF World Title/Intercontinental Title/Tag Titles: HHH/Steve Austin vs. Undertaker/Kane

 

Kane has a bad elbow/arm here so that’ll likely play into the ending. Oh and if HHH wins he’s a Grand Slam Champion. The heels stall a lot and Austin can’t even throw his vest into the ring. There’s the bell and it’s time to go. Kane gets a shot into HHH’s head and we stall even more. HHH finally gets in alone and down he goes again. They’ve been on the floor about three minutes now.

 

Finally the tall dudes go out to the floor and the slugout begins. HHH goes into the announce table as Austin and Taker are actually in the ring now. They switch off with HHH and Kane in the ring now. No idea if anyone is legal yet. Kane chokes both guys but his arm is hurting. Ok so HHH and Kane are the official starters now. There’s the jumping knee and down goes the big fried freak.

 

HHH brings in Austin but Kane gets the tag and Austin tries to run. His reward is having a mudhole stomped into him. Taker destroys him for a bit and Austin offers a handshake. This is the guy that a month before was at war with Rock. Wow indeed. Taker reluctantly tags in Kane, which makes sense here. Back off to Taker and HHH and Old School hits. Old School to Austin also and Taker clears the ring.

 

The Two Man Power Trip tries to leave but Kane makes the stop. Back in the ring and HHH breaks up the Last Ride. Double mudhole is stomped into Taker in the corner and we head to the floor again. Austin vs. Taker now in the ring and make that HHH instead. The challengers (kind of) are tagging in and out rather well. Taker fights out of it and gets a DDT on HHH but won’t tag. Not can’t, but won’t.

 

Austin hits a Thesz Press but the middle finger elbow is caught in an attempted chokeslam. HHH makes the save but Taker gets a double clothesline to put all three guys down. Kane tags himself in and hammers on Austin. Another chokeslam is broken up by HHH and Kane avoids a Stunner. HHH finally wakes up and works on the arm. This is kind of a mess. Austin gets a chair shot to the arm and it’s an ARMBAR in the ring by the Game.

 

Kane’s face is pounded on a bit more but Kane reverses to pound on Austin a bit more. HHH makes another save as it keeps seeming like this is a handicap match rather than a regular tag. Top wristlock goes on which Kane fights out of again. HHH gets tossed to the floor where he’s able to break up a tag. Austin comes in sans tag and he and Kane botch something badly. It looked like it was supposed to be a clothesline but Austin didn’t go down or anything like that.

 

HHH tries to comes off the top but Kane gets a foot up but still can’t tag out. He picks up Kane’s leg and Kane looks like he’s setting for an enziguri but he just hops for awhile and HHH takes him down. Pedigree hits and HHH tags out for no apparent reason. During the confusion Taker comes in and chokeslams Austin. Stephanie distracts Hebner so he shoves her down and counts two on Austin.

 

Kane hits the enziguri this time which makes me think they blew the spot earlier. The referee goes down for a bit and doesn’t see the hot tag to Taker. Taker pummels them both and it’s a Last Ride to Taker but he’s not legal a minute after being tagged in. Low blow by Austin to Taker and a Stunner to Kane. Taker and Austin brawl into the crowd and HHH gets a tag title belt, only to get it kicked into his face. Chokeslam is loaded up but Stephanie comes in, only to get kicked in the face also. Vince runs in with a sledgehammer which HHH gets for a pair of shots to Kane, one in the head, for the tag titles.

 

Rating: D+. This was about half an hour long and the whole thing didn’t work for the most part. It was just a big mess with everything going all over the place and nothing of note going on other than the arm work. It was more about everyone doing random moves instead of a coherent match, which is rarely a good thing at all. Not a good main event.

 

Overall Rating: D+. Didn’t really do it for me here. Not really anything great at all on the whole card. There was some good stuff here but at the same time it didn’t work for the most part. The lack of titles other than at the end hurt it a lot as it usually does. The company fell down quickly after Mania and the Alliance only helped for a little bit.
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