Royal Rumble 1994
Date: January 22, 1994
Location: Providence Civic Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Attendance: 14,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Ted DiBiase

A year later, and while the roster hasn’t changed a ton, it’s matured a lot. Yoko has dominated the title scene since winning the title from Hogan in June after the mess that was Mania 9. He’s taking on Taker tonight in their first of the two casket matches that they had. Yes, it’s that match. We also have Razor in another title match and not in the Rumble as he’s now a face and fighting IRS for the IC Title.

The Rumble is more or less Yokozuna and his cronies against Luger with Hart on the side. Yoko had been feuding with Luger but Luger can’t have another title shot. Since the Rumble winner gets a title shot, Luger and Cornette who also worked for Yoko made a deal: Luger can fight in the Rumble but Cornette gets to bring in some guys that will represent Yoko.

That would have been nice to have been told to us on the PPV, but why waste time with that when we can remind you that WE ARE LIVE! Also, we have the next chapter in the brother war, which will be nothing but awesome so let’s get to it.

The crowd is hot if nothing else. Vince on commentary just works better for some reason, despite me loving Monsoon and Heenan. DiBiase I think was a surprise on the mic here as he just kind of pops up after Vince does the main intro. You have to give him this: he’s absolutely insane about his product. I defy you to find someone more dedicated to his company. There’s a reason why he’s the most successful promoter of all time.

DiBiase gets insane heat and it’s a shame he broke his neck and was pushed down the card so far over the years. He says he was in every Rumble to date, which just isn’t true, so at least he’s got the theory behind being a commentator down already: lie about stuff and hope no one remembers.

Note: this is important for one major reason: Brooklyn Brawler actually WON A MATCH in the dark match, beating Jim Powers. He is officially the joke of the company.

Tatanka vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

This was supposed to be Ludvig Borga but Borga hurt his ankle and never came back. Tatanka starts out fast and this could be a solid match, on this LIVE SHOW! He gets a nice jumping DDT on Bigelow as I can’t believe it but Tatanka is actually impressing me. Luna is with Bigelow here in one of the strangest concepts in wrestling history that worked beautifully. For the first time ever, guys in the earlier matches are going to be in the Rumble as well which is something long overdue at this point.

Both announcers have a small orgasm over a running splash. God bless overhyping. Why does Vince always suggest stuff? I don’t get that at all. This isn’t bad at all, but the bear hug isn’t helping it. Vince says that only in the WWF will you ever see a man of Bigelow’s size use a moonsault. That is of course until he went to both WCW and ECW and did it there too. It misses though, and Tatanka hits a basic cross body off the top for the win. Wow that came from out of less than nowhere.

Rating: B. This was actually good for what it was: an 8 minute opener. Tatanka won clean and the fans were into him so it got a good reaction. That’s what an opener is supposed to do: get the crowd built up a little bit. This wasn’t anything great but I’ve certainly seen worse matches. I liked this one a lot though, so there we are.

We hit the recap button on Bret and Owen’s issues and their teaming up. This stems from the Survivor Series match where Owen was the only member of his team eliminated, which for some reason ticked him the heck off. I guess it was because Bret was in a way the cause of him getting eliminated, but at the same time you could argue that it was only Owen’s fault.

Bret said that he would love to help Owen forge a path and legacy in the company, and his way of doing this was helping Owen get his first championship: the tag team titles. How that helps Owen get out of Bret’s shadow was never explained but whatever.

We see clips of the Quebecers losing the belts and then getting them back a week later. That was really pointless as it kind of makes them look weak but we can overlook that. We go to Bret and Owen with Todd as Owen is behind Bret in some great symbolism.

Tag Titles: Bret/Owen Hart vs. Quebecers

Quebecers are managed by one Johnny Polo, who in less than a year would be in ECW as a character called Raven. So I’ve watched about 15 minutes of this so far and I have no complaints. It really is a great tag match. I’m not going to go into the discussion of this match as it’s really good and there’s nothing I can poke fun at other than DiBiase and Vince trying to sound cool which fails epically. Anyway, after about 13 minutes, we get to the point.

The point of the first 13 minutes: Bret and Owen are awesome. Eventually, Bret has the ropes pulled apart and hits the floor, injuring his knee. Following an overblown sequence in which his knee is hit by a chair, the post, the guard rail and a golf club, his knee is a bit hurt. We hit the ring again and Bret is just getting destroyed. His knee is gone and he can barely stand up. He does however dodge the Quebecers finisher and looks for Owen.

However, there’s no tag. Why isn’t there a tag? There isn’t one because Bret goes for the Sharpshooter but his knee gives out and the referee calls for the bell due to injury. Owen is TICKED and I can’t blame him. As Bret limps to his feet, Owen kicks him in the bad knee, sending him to the mat in agony and turning Owen heel, setting up the EPIC feud for the rest of the year.

On his way to the back Owen says that Bret was selfish and all he had to do was tag Owen and they would be champions. Bret is still holding Owen down and Owen has had enough of it. Despite Bret being in agony, Vince sends Ray Rougeau to the ring to find out about him. Well isn’t that nice. As Bret is being stretchered out we go to the back with Todd and Owen.

Owen, with Bret watching him on the stretcher, goes into a great angry rant about Bret’s ego and never having a title because of Bret. This is a great promo by Owen here as he just lets out a ton of anger and yells at Bret, although we do get the famous botched line as he says it felt so good when he kicked Bret’s leg out of his leg, instead of out from under him. Anyway, this was awesome. DiBiase applauds him.

Rating: A+. It’s a great match and a better angle that set up one of the best matches and feuds of all time. What kind of a grade do you expect me to give it? Go find this segment as it’s just excellent all around.

IC Title: Razor Ramon vs. IRS

Fink is very excited to announce this match. IRS is really solid on the mic to say the least. JR and Gorilla do commentary here as the other guys do Radio WWF I guess. Razor is insanely over. My goodness the quality of commentary just shot up. The battle royal that Razor kind of won the IC Title in has jumped from 20 people to 30 people in just a few months. Razor is rocking the baby blue tonight.

IRS apparently stole the necklaces and jewelry from Razor and has it in his briefcase, which Gorilla calls a briefer for no apparent reason. The crowd is on fire for this. That’s making up for it being just above average as a match. IRS takes over here and we’re in a formula based match here and there’s not a thing wrong with that. We hear talk of issues with Michaels and Razor. Oh yes. Also, Razor cost IRS a loss to a man named PJ Walker. He’s more commonly known to you as Justin Credible.

We’ve got a ref bump and Razor prevents the briefcase shot and knocks IRS out with it. Razor sets for the edge but here’s Shawn with his IC belt to nail Razor with. Why can’t we watch the ladder match now? IRS…gets the three count? Wait what? Ah there’s the other referee to explain things here. They did the same thing with a Borga match on a tape I think. We’ll ignore the referee’s decision being final too. The Edge ends this about 8 seconds later.

Rating: C+. This was about Shawn and Razor, but that’s fine. IRS is a fine choice for a midcard heel to keep Razor busy until he gets the major feud going. The match itself was probably about the level of something you would see on Raw or a house show, which doesn’t mean that it’s bad. This was adequate, that’s the best thing I’ve got for it.

Paul Bearer says nothing out of the ordinary.

WWF Title: Undertaker vs. Yokozuna

This is a casket match. For your backstory here, it’s pretty simple: Taker is the only top face that hasn’t fought Yoko yet, so this is his shot. Oh and of course Yoko is scared. Yoko comes out first with Cornette, who looks like his twerpy best from the 80s and Fuji. In something that I wish I was making up, Vince cuts off DiBiase to say we are LIVE! I know I make fun of that a lot, but come on now Vinny.

Anyway, this is considered an epic battle, but Taker is just beating the tar out of him. They’re trying to make Taker look like a god here and they’re doing a pretty epic job. However, despite being slammed into the steps and being fine, salt to the eyes apparently is his kryptonite as all of a sudden the same move has him messed up. Back in the ring, Yoko’s offense that has killed the likes of mere Hogans has no effect here.

Taker beats down Yoko with relative ease and after maybe 6 minutes has him in the casket ready to close the lid when we get to the real part of the match: the run-ins. Crush is first, fighting Taker back but naturally getting beaten down. Kabuki of WCCW fame and Tenryu run in next but are also stopped by Taker. Bigelow comes out as Crush and the others are back up. It’s 4-1 now and Fuji has stolen the urn.

Yoko is back up now too, but Paul Bearer actually takes out Cornette and Fuji to get it back! Here he comes again! Taker is fighting them off again, but a shot from the salt bucket apparently does nothing at all. Adam Bomb is here now. Here’s Jeff Jarrett to make it 7-1. The Headshrinkers make that number 9 but Bearer holds up the urn and TAKER COMES BACK AGAIN!

Ok, now wait a minute. I can get him coming back 4-1, considering Tenryu and Kabuki were just henchmen and he’s shown that he can beat the tar out of Yoko on his own. Crush is tough but Taker is better, so that’s actually plausible. But come on: NINE guys?

Oh if that’s not enough, Diesel is here too and finally they get him in the casket. Just remember the match is still going on here. Something occurs to me. These guys are coming down presumably because they hate Taker or they’ve been bought off I’m assuming.

A question rises from this: WHERE ARE THE OTHER FACES??? I mean DANG. Savage hates Crush, Luger hates half the guys in there, Tatanka had a match with Bigelow earlier tonight, it’s the mid 90s so I’m sure Razor has beaten half these guys for the IC Title already. The Steiners can’t stand the Headshrinkers, and yet not a single one of them come down. I don’t think that was ever addressed but it makes no sense.

If nothing else, Taker could have been turned heel when he got back over that, but I guess it wouldn’t fit witht he character. Blast it has a big logic hole in it though. Anyway, Taker AGAIN fights back, this time from in the casket but Yoko steals the urn and hits him with it, which apparently is more powerful than 9 guys beating on him but whatever. The top comes off the urn, and green smoke comes pouring out of it.

Taker stops getting up, and after a ton of finishers and big moves, FINALLY they close the casket. Bigelow jumping on top of it as soon as it’s shut made me chuckle for some reason. However, we’re not done yet. The heels, all 12 of them, start wheeling the casket back, and the gong is heard. Smoke similar to the kind from the urn starts coming out of the casket as the lights go out.

On the screen, we see a shot of Taker lying on his back (despite being thrown in on his stomach/side) and his eyes pop open. He gives a ridiculously over the top speech, which amazingly can be heard throughout the arena, more or less saying that he’ll be back. Oh also, we’re led to believe this is inside the casket, despite seeing the bottom of the lid of the casket is plain wood. We hear electrical sounds and the screen looks like it’s being electrocuted, until the image of Taker actually explodes.

I don’t mean that in a figurative sense. I mean it looks like the Death Star blowing up, but all that’s left is a negative picture of Taker, as in his body and clothes are all white and his skin is black if you know what kind of picture I’m talking about. Oh we’re not done yet. That image is then changed so that it looks like he’s rising up out of the screen, and then to top it off, a man (allegedly Marty Jannetty) is on top of the screen and raised up on visible strings into the rafters.

There’s just one problem: On PPV, YOU CAN’T SEE ANY OF THIS! I’ve seen this show about 10 times and until I read about it, I had zero idea what was going on that Vince and DiBiase were freaking out about. This time I knew what to look for and I could see it, but DANG I had no idea that’s what was going on for years.

Vince and Ted scream about how supernatural that was. After the heels run off, Bearer has the now smokeless urn and is pointing up while pushing the casket away. That was just…uh yeah.

Rating: F. This is an F for one reason: they have just completely screwed up Undertaker’s character. This match, and more importantly the smoke from the urn being the source of Taker’s power reminded me of the Midi-Chlorians from Phantom Menace. You don’t explain the Force. You just know what it is and what it’s capable of, but you never question it.

That’s why Taker worked so well. We just knew he had powers and abilities, but by trying to explain them or show what they were was just a waste of time. This was insane and just didn’t work at all. Taker would be out for about 7 months until LESLIE FREAKING NIELSEN was brought in to “solve” the case in a horrible comedy bit at Summerslam. Yeah, Vince really didn’t have a freaking clue how Taker’s character worked. This was horrible. Oh and the “match” sucked too.

Savage says he’ll win the Rumble and get Crush.

Jarrett says he’ll win too.

Tatanka says there’s no friends and he’ll win.

Diesel says he’s going to Mania. Well I’d hope so. I’d hate for Vince to keep his own employees from going.

Doink is excited.

Shawn says he’ll be the new champion at Mania.

Luger says this is his big chance.

Vince and DiBiase says anything can happen and keep talking about Taker.

Royal Rumble

After Howard goes over the rules, we’re ready to go. Oh and it’s 90 seconds this year instead of 2 minutes. Number one is Scott Steiner and he gets Samu of the Headshrinkers. What a coincidence AGAIN! They punch the heck out of each other and again, the idiocy of power vs. power is shown. Also considering this is Samu this isn’t going to go well at all. The clock is sponsored now. I give up.

Rick is #3, so shockingly a team has gotten almost consecutive numbers. How do people not catch this time after time? As the Casio clock, so at least it’s a watch company, gets us to zero, Kwang is 4th. He’s more commonly known as Savio Vega in case you’ve never heard of him. As he comes out, Samu misses a cross body and gets his head caught between the top and middle ropes to be eliminated soon after.

Kwang hits the Muta mist to Rick to get it to one on one. DiBiase points out how easy it would be to just have the Steiners beat on everyone as they came at them which is true, but what does he know? Vince says Rick is smarting from the mist still. I think he said that so that it can be said that Rick is smart for the only time in his career. Scott is rocking the Triforce on his singlet so if nothing else he looks cool.

Owen Hart is fifth to some HUGE boos. He takes out the visually impaired Rick without much trouble and the double team on Scott begins until Bart Gunn is in at 6th. This is going too fast. Apparently something has happened in the back. Well it’s good to know that everyone isn’t just sitting around doing nothing. Diesel comes in at 7 to apparently clear out some of these guys.

At this time he’s just a body guard with zero character to him at all. In about 40 seconds he drops all four guys and we have Backlund in at 8 and it’s one on one. Well at least we have something close to a story going here with the dominant giant. He hits the ring and starts crawling on his stomach. It looks dumb at first but DiBiase does his job and points out that Bob is going after Diesel’s legs.

People on Raw and Smackdown: PAY ATTENTION! That is what an analyst is supposed to do. He explained something that might have been a bit confusing otherwise and he’s got the resume and experience to be believable. See what I mean? It looked a bit odd, so the analyst said what’s going on. That wasn’t complicated at all, but some clarification is always a good thing. They can do more than make stupid jokes you know.

Bob actually gets Diesel close to out but just can’t do it which is fine. A few seconds later Diesel is on his own again, which for some reason surprises DiBiase. And Ted, you haven’t been in every Rumble. You’ve been at them all, just not in them all. Get your facts straight.

Billy Gunn is next, and apparently you can find out the order of the wrestlers by calling the WWF Hotline. WOW. Ok, where to begin with why that’s stupid. #1, it ruins the mystique of knowing who is in the match. 2, that’s the first time we’ve heard about that all night long so nice job of advertising. 3, who in the world thought that was a good idea? Never mind, it’s a Vince McMahon show and there’s money to be made. All is explained.

Anyway, mullet man is victim #6 of Big D, lasting maybe 15 seconds. What’s up with the way he punches? It’s like he hits people with the wrist. We see a clip from earlier to Tenryu and Kabuki jumping Luger in the back. Yeah you can tell it’s been a dominant performance if we have time for a segment during the match. The power of Shane Stevens stops them though.

Virgil is #10 as an alternate for Kamala and despite DiBiase laughing hysterically over it, Diesel drops him in about a minute. Wow we’re already a third done with this. We have a story here though so I’m very proud. This is a new approach to the match that really is working. Also we don’t have to worry about the ring filling up with jobbers. Ah here we go: Randy Savage is number 11 and he hammers the big man.

See this is a smart way of doing the Rumble: they had all those guys like the Gunns and Virgil and Kwang that weren’t going to mean a stupid thing and got them in and out so the bigger names can be around later on. That’s very smart and it gives you a bonus of making Diesel look amazing. I’ve always been a bit surprised that DiBiase and Savage’s feud from 88 was really never mentioned on WWF TV after it ended.

There was never any mention of them having any issues or of DiBiase main eventing a Wrestlemania or anything like that. It’s like it was forgotten, and it’s not like DiBiase is on bad terms with the company or something like that as far as I know. He’s made a ton of appearances over the years yet you never hear about it. Anyway, Jarrett is 12th as I have visions of WCW dancing in my head.

I kind of liked the Jarrett story of using wrestling as a springboard to country music. That’s very original if nothing else. Savage takes him out with relative ease so we’re back to him and Diesel again. It’s Crush to a huge reaction from the audience. He and Savage were in the middle of a mega feud at this point which was just purely awesome. For the life of me I don’t get why Crush never got a huge push.

Him against Hart would have been very interesting at least to me. Doink comes in because I guess there wasn’t enough stupid comedy to meet the quota. Savage is gone and we’re at two monsters against a clown. He actually is smart though as he just watches the big men fight. He actually sprays water from a flower and steps on their toes. Thankfully they wake up and beat the tar out of him as Bigelow comes in at fifteen.

This is going really fast but there’s a bit of a flow to it here and it’s not as bad as I expected it to be. Bigelow puts Doink out with the same thing he did to I think Spike Dudley in ECW, which had just started to be booked by Heyman two months prior to this show.

Since he’s an idiot, Crush hits Diesel when they have Bigelow an inch away from being out. Mabel is 16th as the smallest person out there is Crush as 6’9 and about 310lbs. Diesel goes right for him as I’m digging this planning of the Rumble. There’s been distinct segments here and that’s a major plus. And here’s Bob Holly to screw that up. He’s subbing for 1-2-3 Kid. WOW that’s not a good way either way.

WE ARE LIVE! WE GET IT ALREADY VINCE! What’s the freaking point in showing wide shots of the crowd and saying how live we are? I didn’t buy this PPV to be shown the audience. I bought it for the matches, so quit showing big wide shots of the stupid crowd and emphasizing that you’re live. It means jack and no one cares but you. WOW how many things could that be said about that he’s come up with?

Shawn is in at 18. All of the big guys get on Diesel and Shawn gives the final shove to put him out. That gets no reaction at all. He gets some applause on his way out though, and you can hear the wheels turning in Vince’s mind. Mo, the most worthless wrestler of all time is in next. Greg Valentine (seriously???) is in at 20 to a decent pop (seriously???). 21 is Tatanka to a short but loud pop.

To recap, we’ve got Crush, Bigelow, Mabel, Holly, Shawn, Mo, Valentine and Tatanka in there at the moment. Kabuki is in next as someone else that no one knows. A bunch of people jump Mabel and he’s out, which surprises Vince for no apparent reason. Luger sprints out with apparently no damage at all to him from the earlier attack and naturally goes straight after Kabuki, and there he goes.

In a STUNING, yes STUNNING I say, turn of events, Tenryu is next at 24. The buzzer rings for 25 but no one comes out, which was apparently Bret Hart. To recap, we have Crush, Bigelow, Holly, Michaels, Mo, Valentine, Tatanka, Luger and Tenryu. Luger and Michaels could have been an interesting feud. Martel, more commonly known as he who will not go away, is 26th and it amazes me that we’re this close to being done.

At 27, in the words of Vince, IT’S BRET HART!!! He’s limping badly so of course everyone goes for his knee. He’s barely in there when Fatu is out at 28. We’ve got WAY too many people in there at the moment with something like 11 or so. A ton of people get together to eliminate Crush as Marty Jannetty comes in and goes right for Shawn. Now, since we have 10 guys in the ring, what’ the best thing to do? Why, go to the back to hear from Crush!!!

Yep, they actually cut from the ring to Ray Rougeau in the back with Crush for an interview. Savage jumps him and they brawl. This would have been stupid if it went on for 20 seconds, but it lasts over a minute! Also you can see Adam Bomb clearly standing there getting ready to come out so it also gives away #30. We get back to the ring and apparently nothing has happened, but geez how freaking stupid was that? They hate each other, we get it already.

Ok, so with Bomb, who Vince says will win the Rumble, gives us a final group of Bomb, Bigelow, Holly, Shawn, Mo, Valentine, Tatanka, Luger, Tenryu, Martel, Fatu and Jannetty. Oh and they figure out that the guy that didn’t show was Bastian Booger.

Bret and Shawn eliminate Holly. They work very well together. I hope those two do more in the future. With such great teamwork they could really do some great things. Ok bad jokes are mostly over as we have 11 people left. Dang that’s just too many at the end. Bret Hart beats on Mo which has to be the highlight of Mo’s career. Bret is limping everywhere, so he wins salesman of the year already. Valentine is out.

They’re just kind of mulling around at this point. Martel is out by Tatanka. Bomb is out as we’ve rapidly picked up the pace. Mo is out and gets no recognition by name. I love that. Bam Bam just throws Tatanka out like a jobber. Are these guys all double parked or something? Bigelow does a Flair Flip and goes out by Luger. Jannetty goes out and we’re down to five with Luger, Hart, Tenryu, Michaels and Fatu. Hart and Luger get rid of Tenryu to take us down to four.

Bret and Shawn go at it, as I’m completely unstunned. Shawn and Fatu go out on stereo backdrops and we’ve got Luger vs. Bret. They go right at it and dump each other out at the same time. Both men are announced as the winner individually and since Hart gets a bigger pop I guess he wins.

They’re named co-winners, even though later on we would see video where Luger clearly hit the ground first. Tunney comes out and makes the official co-winner decision. This led to a coin toss where the winner would get the first title shot at Mania and the other guy had to fight someone “of an equal level”, which led to Bret vs. Owen. Had Bret won the toss, Luger would have fought Crush.

No matter what, the person that didn’t get the shot would get the title shot later in the night against whoever had the belt after the first title match. I like that system a lot better than the triple threat which wasn’t around in the WWF yet. Granted that could be because we’ve seen so many triple threats that they’ve lost their luster. Anyway, that ends our show.

Rating: B. This was a good Rumble. I was quite surprised that the intervals worked as well as they did here, since the shorter ones usually don’t work that well. This had a lot of segments in it and you could tell that it was well planned. 92’s was better simply because of star power, but this is easily the 2nd best so far.

I really liked this match and it did a lot of good things, including advancing stories and making you interested in seeing how they would fix the issues brought up in the match. That to me makes it a success. It’s not great, but it’s very good.

Overall Rating: B. This was a mostly solid show. If you factor out the Taker/Yoko debacle this is an instant A. Razor vs. IRS is probably the weakest match but it works very well and certainly isn’t bad at all. The Rumble itself is a good one and the tag titles is must see stuff.

You factor in all those things and this was a very good show. There’s more here than just the Rumble, but that’s the centerpiece. Overall definitely a good show and well worth checking out, as long as you’re not a diehard Taker fan because you might want to shoot your TV.

 

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Royal Rumble 1993
Date: January 24, 1993
Location: ARCO Arena, Sacramento, California
Attendance: 16,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

This is a pretty forgotten show for reasons that should be obvious. First of all, this is 1993, one of the worst years in company history from a creative standpoint. Bret is defending the title against Razor Ramon (his only world title shot ever) and we’ve got the Rumble for the title shot at Wrestlemania for the first time. I don’t know if that’s official here, but the winner did indeed get the shot at the biggest show of the year. Let’s get to it.

Historical note: this is 13 days after the debut of Monday Night Raw.

Steiner Brothers vs. Beverly Brothers

For you ECW freaks, Bill Alfonzo is the referee. Scott and I think Blake start things off. This is the Steiners’ first major match and the fans seem to love them right off the bat. Scott immediately takes him to the mat with a top wristlock, causing Blake to freak out with a claim of tights being pulled. That sequence worked so well that they do it again. Heenan is very excited about the debut of Narcissist, which is Lex Luger as a guy obsessed with his muscles. In other words, Lex Luger debuts tonight.

After Blake stalls some more, here’s Beau to taunt the not legal Rick. There’s the tag to Rick who chases Beau around and hits Blake in the process. A powerslam puts Rick down and I don’t think Gorilla knows which Beverly is which. Since this is a Steiners match, it’s time for suplexes! Scott nearly kills Beau with a belly to belly and everything breaks down for a bit, allowing the Beverlies to take over on Scotty.

We get into a standard formula with Scott having his back worked on by both villains. Blake chokes with a tag rope in the corner for two. Heenan: “Gotta hook the tights.” Gorilla: “WHAT?” I love how shocked he sounds every time Heenan says something like that. Beau puts on a Boston Crab but Scott easily pushes out of it. Blake blocks a tag and let’s make sure that we’re LIVE still. What was WWF’s obsession with that?

Scott avoids an elbow drop but Blake breaks up the hot tag again. The crowd is silent when the Beverlies are on offense. Scott comes back with a butterfly powerbomb to put Blake down and Scott actually dives through the ropes and tags at the same time. Rick cleans house and there are Steiner Lines for both Beverlies. Scott pounds on Blake in the corner and counters a Doomsday Device with a victory roll for two. The Frankensteiner to Beau gets the pin.

Rating: D+. Pretty dull match here as the Steiners were clearly going to dominate the entire time. The Beverlies never got above lower midcard status and their biggest feud was against the Bushwhackers. What were you going to expect them to do against the freaking STEINER BROTHERS? Nothing here but a squash.

We recap the Rockers’ time together and their split. If my eyesight is correct, you can see Shane Douglas as a jobber. After the Barber Shop incident, Jannetty was out for months. He finally returned on Superstars, setting up the match tonight for Shawn’s Intercontinental Title. During his return, Jannetty accidentally hit Sheri with a mirror, which is important to know for the match.

Intercontinental Title: Marty Jannetty vs. Shawn Michaels

Sherri is at ringside with the question being who would she side with? Why would she side with Marty anyway? I never got that. Apparently it’s because Shawn never called her while she was in the hospital….which she was in because of Marty. So why would she ever go with Jannetty? Apparently Jannetty was drunk during this match. That might make things a bit funnier if nothing else.

Jannetty controls to start, sending Shawn to the floor twice with a knee lift and a clothesline. Marty punches Shawn down on the floor and poses in the ring. He tries a punch off the top but gets caught in the ribs on the way down. Shawn loads Marty up on his shoulder and in one of the only times I can ever remember it working, rams Marty shoulder first into the post.

The champ rams the other shoulder into the post because he hit the right one the first time, and you just don’t do that. Back in and Shawn hits a shoulderbreaker before sending Marty to the floor again. Back in and the shoulder goes into the buckle, followed by a double ax right down onto it as well. We hit the armbar but Marty fights out quickly. He tries a comeback but walks into a DDT on the arm for two.

Quick sidebar: why is that move called a single arm DDT? It’s a hold used on the arm, but the double arm DDT is used to hurt the head. Also a regular DDT uses just one arm, so why is this called a single arm DDT instead of the regular one? These are the kinds of things I think about when I’m bored by a match.

Anyway, Shawn does the always stupid looking jump into the boot spot. I mean he jumped RIGHT AT Marty’s feet. What could he possibly have been trying there? Marty avoids a charge in the corner, sending Shawn’s shoulder into the post instead. Marty speeds things up and pounds away, only to have Shawn slingshot him out to the floor. Shawn goes to pick him up but Marty suplexes him out to the floor.

Sherri finally does something by slapping Shawn, who gets belly to back suplexed into the ring. Shawn gets launched to the floor again as the pace picks up a bit. A powerslam puts the champ down but Shawn avoids the top rope punch. Marty stops himself before crashing and gets two off a DDT. Shawn misses a superkick and gets caught by one of his own for two. The crowd is getting into this.

Marty slingshots Shawn so he gets to do his big bump onto the post. There goes the referee via an elbow to the face and Sherri comes in. She swings her shoe but hits Marty by mistake of course. Shawn yells at her a lot and then superkicks Marty in the chest for the pin to retain.

Rating: C+. This started slow, picked up a good bit during Marty’s comeback, and then had a horribly uninteresting ending. Seriously, that’s it? These two would have a rematch soon after on Raw which won Match of the Year in a contest for least bad match of the year for all intents and purposes.

In the back, Gene yells at Sherri to calm down. Marty comes to the back for some more brawling.

Heenan and Gorilla argue a bit.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Big Boss Man

Bigelow jumps Boss Man in the corner to start and Boss is in trouble early. He gets whipped into the corner and a Bigelow forearm knocks him to the outside. This is one of those “do one move then stand around for awhile” matches. Boss Man comes back with some clotheslines and some punches to the “face” in the corner. Another right hand and a bulldog puts Bigelow down but Boss Man’s charge is countered by a backdrop to the floor.

Off to a body vice by Bigelow which is a rather dull move as usual. A hot shot puts Boss Man down for two and some shots to his back keeps him down. We hit the body vice again but Boss Man comes back with a suplex. It hurts him more than Bigelow though, as Bam is up first. Boss Man starts his real comeback with a punch to the face and a running crotch attack to Bigelow’s back. Bigelow gets a boot up in the corner and clotheslines Boss Man down. The flying headbutt gets the pin.

Rating: D. This was pure filler and not even entertaining filler. Bigelow was on the rise at this point while Boss Man would be gone in less than two months. On top of that, the match was really dull with Bigelow laying around and working on Boss Man’s back most of the time, which doesn’t make for an interesting match at all.

We get a clip from WWF Mania (Saturday morning show) of Razor beating up Owen to hype the world title match.

Razor says he’s got gold around his fingers and neck and now he wants it around his waist.

Bret says he’s ready.

WWF World Title: Razor Ramon vs. Bret Hart

Feeling out process to start with Razor getting the early advantage with some right hands. A knee in the corner misses and Bret has on the Figure Four in less than 90 seconds. Razor gets the rope so Bret drops elbows on the knee instead. The leg gets wrapped around the post before Bret goes after the other leg in the corner for some reason. Ramon comes back with a whip to send Bret ribs first into the post.

Now we get to the best part of any Bret Hart match: him getting the tar beaten out of him. Some backbreakers on the floor keep Bret down and we head inside again. Razor pounds on the ribs some more and hits the fallaway slam for two. Helen Hart (Bret’s mom) is in the front row. There’s the chest first into the buckle bump from Bret for two more and it’s off to the abdominal stretch, another Razor trademark.

As always, Bret reverses Hall’s hold into one of his own before getting hiptossed over. Bret is sent to the floor on a kickout and gets two on a sunset flip. We hit the reverse chinlock by Razor, followed quickly by a bearhug. Bret bites his way out of it and sends Razor to the outside in a quick move. The champion follows it up with a suicide dive and the comeback is on.

Bret pounds away in the corner over and over as we hit the brawl. For a guy known as a technical master, Bret brawled an awful lot. Not that he’s bad at it or anything but it happens really often. There are the Five Moves of Doom but Razor gets to the rope before the Sharpshooter is on. The second attempt doesn’t work either as Razor pulls the referee into a pile with the two of them.

Ramon goes right back to the ribs and Bret’s momentum is stopped dead. A belly to back superplex is blocked by Bret into a belly to back suplex for two for the champ. Razor clotheslines Bret down but Bret escapes the Razor’s Edge into a backslide for two. In a pretty awesome ending, Bret counters a test of strength into a sunset flip in a sweet flip counter, followed by grapevining the legs together on the mat and turning Razor over into the Sharpshooter for the submission.

Rating: B. Good match here and again, why did Razor never get more title matches? I know he wasn’t the kind of guy to make the world champion, but are you telling me that when the company was falling apart at times they couldn’t throw him in there as a token challenger? I would have bought him as legit threat to any champion, but it never happened. I’ve never gotten that. Anyway, solid match here as you would expect from these two.

Heenan unveils Narcissist, which is Lex Luger in front of a bunch of mirrors. Lots of posing commences and Heenan sounds like he’s in love. Well at least extreme lust. Luger says he’ll be dominant. Not much here. A curtain is lowered over Luger and Heenan actually gets on his knees, begging to see more. I’ve heard of overtones but this is ridiculous.

Here are Caesar and Cleopatra to hype up Wrestlemania. They read a proclamation about it and this is really stupid.

Royal Rumble

Ric Flair is #1 and Bob Backlund, going through a career resurgence at the time, is #2. Backlund drops Flair with a shoulder and does his little dance. Flair pounds him into the corner but Bob backdrops him down. Papa Shango is #3 and is dumped out by Flair in less than thirty seconds. Backlund it sent to the apron and Flair stomps away. They chop it out until Ted DiBiase, I believe half of the tag champions here, is #4.

Heenan makes fun of Backlund as the double teaming ensues, prompting Gorilla to threaten to knock Bobby out. Backlund is beaten on even more until Brian Knobs is #5. The Nasties are good guys at this point and happen to be feuding with Money Inc. Guess who he starts swinging at. Knobs almost dumps Flair but only gets him to the apron. Things slow down for a bit until Virgil is #6. The faces team up to fight the heels as not a lot is going on at this point.

DiBiase tosses out Knobs and we’re down to four in the ring again. Here’s the pretty new Jerry Lawler at #7 in a HUGE cape. I think he’s a heel here but Flair grabs him for some chops almost immediately. Flair goes to the floor through the middle ropes so Virgil goes after Lawler. Flair gets back in and Jerry immediately goes after him. Oh never mind as Heenan is praising Lawler. He’s a heel alright.

Max Moon (presumably played by Konnan) is #8. He hits a few moves and is dumped by Lawler before anyone else shows up. Lawler’s attire is really intricate here with lots of writing on it instead of the usual two color design. I kind of like it for a change. Japanese legend Genichiro Tenryu is #9 and he starts a chop-off with Flair as you would expect them to do.

Things slow down a bit until Mr. Perfect is #9 at a full sprint. Heenan: “OH NO! OH DEAR GOD NO!!!” Perfect immediately goes after Flair so Ric goes to the top. There’s the slam off the top and the Hennig Neck Snap as Heenan is having a heart attack. We hear about the loser leaves the WWF match tomorrow on Raw between the two of them, which is a very rare match for some reason.

Skinner is #11 and he does nothing before Perfect shoves Flair out to a HUGE pop. Lawler (looking very different here for some reason that I can’t place) pounds away on Hennig as we’re back down to six people in there. That’s usually the right amount so thankfully they’ve gotten through the first third without things getting too hectic. Koko B. Ware and those big green pants of his are #12. Heenan: “Koko B. Ware could go to Wrestlemania to face Bret Hart. Gorilla: “What’s wrong with that?” Heenan: “IT SHOULD BE RIC FLAIR!!!”

Perfect dropkicks Skinner out and not a lot is going on again. Here’s Samu at #13, giving us a group of Backlund, DiBiase, Tenryu, Virgil, Perfect, DiBiase, Lawler and Ware. Lawler and Perfect keep going at it in a feud that could have been AMAZING in Memphis. Berzerker is #14 as we need to get rid of some people in there. Lawler misses a charging punch on Perfect and there he goes. With Perfect distracted, DiBiase and Ware team up (you’ll NEVER hear that again) to kick him out with an assist from Lawler. Virgil was thrown out during that melee, getting us down to just six again.

The Undertaker is #15 to a BIG pop. Gorilla calls him the odds on favorite. I’m not sure I’d go that far but whatever. Berzerker goes to the floor and beats up Backlund (not eliminated) with a chair. Taker puts Samu out and no sells a lot of Tenryu’s stuff before dumping him as well. We’ve got Backlund (mostly dead on the floor), Taker, Berzerker, DiBiase and Ware in at the moment. Terry Taylor (he still had a job at this point?) is in at #16 and he’s gone in less than thirty seconds thanks to DiBiase, as is Ware.

There’s a chokeslam to DiBiase and Taker dumps him, leaving Berzerker against Taker. In one of the biggest “oh great it’s this guy” moments ever, Giant Gonzales debuts as Taker dumps Berzerker. Gonzales, a legit 7’7 tall, stares down at Taker as Damien Demento (don’t ask) is #17. Gonzales chops Taker out for an illegal elimination. In case you’re not familiar, Gonzales is a monster who makes Great Khali look like Lou Thesz. Speaking of Khali, he was literally the same character as Gonzales in a repeat of the same exact story the Undertaker was involved in in 1992. In short, both of them sucked and were really tall.

Gonzales destroys Taker for a bit as Demento still won’t get in. IRS is #18 as the Giant is still beating up Taker. It’s IRS, Backlund and Demento at the moment with Taker out cold in the corner. Tatanka is #19 as Paul Bearer uses the Urn to revive Taker. This of course is all the fans focus on, making the match in the ring look even less interesting than it already is, which is saying a lot when you think about it. Lots of choking ensues until Jerry Sags is #20.

There is NOTHING going on here and I don’t think Typhoon at #21 is going to help things at all. Fatu is #22 and my goodness I have never heard more silence for an entrance. NOTHING is going on here and Earthquake is #23. He immediately goes after….Typhoon, his partner. They have a fat man brawl for a bit until Quake dumps him out. Carlos Colon, aged 44 and called a youngster by Monsoon is #24.

Colon dumps Demento as the eliminations are keeping the crowd on life support. Quake can’t put Backlund out as Tito Santana is #25. Fatu misses a charge at Backlund and eliminates himself. We’ve got Quake, Backlund, Santana, IRS, Tatanka, Colon and Sags in there at the moment. Rick Martel is #26 who is STILL feuding with Santana. Why did they never have a big match to blow off that feud? It went on for like four years or so.

Earthquake dumps IRS and now we get to the first interesting part of the match in WAY too long: Backlund is sent to the apron and the crowd collectively gasps until he gets back in. Gorilla actually swears at how big the reaction is. Yokozuna is #27 and it’s time to clear some space. Yoko and Tatanka chop it out and there goes the guy with red hair (figure out which is which).

Colon is out and it’s time for the fat man showdown with Quake vs. Yoko. They collide a few times and no one moves so Quake pounds him into the corner. Owen Hart is #28. Quake splashes Yoko in the corner but the second attempt misses. Yoko suplexes Quake out and that more or less seals the winner. Repo Man is #29 and is immediately dropped by Yoko. Everybody gangs up on Yoko and it doesn’t work at all.

Randy Savage is #30, giving us a final group of Savage, Yokozuna, Repo Man, Owen, Martel, Santana, Sags and Backlund. They’re not even trying to hide the winner at this point. Yoko dumps Tito as Owen dropkicks Sags out. Owen skins the cat to save himself before being dumped by Yoko and possibly injuring his knee. Repo is out and we’re down to four. Backlund actually picks up Martel to sit him on top and punches him out. The place is WAY into Backlund here, so he goes after Yoko. A pair of dropkick put Yoko against the ropes but Backlund charges into the elimination, drawing a standing ovation.

So it’s Savage vs. Yoko and the beating of the small man begins. Yoko flattens him over and over again until Savage fires off a bunch of kicks out of the corner. The fans are trying to get behind Savage and there’s a top rope ax handle. One to the back gets Yoko down to one knee. Uh…why would you want to knock a guy this big DOWN in a battle royal?

Either way he superkicks Savage to knock him down again and there’s the belly to belly. The legdrop crushes Savage but the Banzai Drop misses. In one of the STUPIDEST endings ever to the Rumble, Savage hits the elbow and COVERS, getting launched over the top rope on the kickout to send Yoko to Las Vegas for the title shot.

Rating: D. This was one of the worst Rumbles of all time. The main problem here is the period after Taker, the only guy you could actually see eliminating Yoko, was eliminated. From then until the time Backlund got close to the longevity record (which he got), there’s NOTHING. It’s a bunch of lame midcarders standing around lifting each others’ legs in the air. Why would I want to see that at all? Anyway, nothing to see here and a BAD Rumble.

Overall Rating: D+. There’s a reason no one cares at all about 1993 WWF: it’s really not very good. The title matches here aren’t bad but other than that, this show is pretty freaking terrible. The Rumble sucks the life out of the show, as the highlights are a two minute segment between Flair and Perfect and the Backlund part at the end. When the whole match is 65 minutes long, that doesn’t hold up. Weak show here.

Ratings Comparison

Steiner Brothers vs. Beverly Brothers

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty

Original: C

Redo: C+

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Big Boss Man

Original: D+

Redo: D

Bret Hart vs. Razor Ramon

Original: B

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: D

Redo: D+

Not much change here.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/12/royal-rumble-count-up-1993/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 1993
Date: January 24, 1993
Location: ARCO Arena, Sacramento, California
Attendance: 16,000
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Gorilla Monsoon

Well, a bit has changed in the last year. For one thing, about two weeks before this, a show called Monday Night Raw debuted. This completely changed the world of wrestling forever. No longer did we have to watch Sunday morning Superstars to get wrestling. We now had it every Monday night in prime time. That really did change the world of wrestling forever. Other than that, Hogan is more or less gone at this point.

He would be back just in time for Mania to steal a title that he had no business being around after guys like Bret and Flair had worked so hard for the past year, but he’s Hulk Hogan and therefore awesome and can get away with stupid moves like that. Savage is on commentary for the most part now but he occasionally wrestles like he’s doing tonight. More on that later though.

Also tonight, we have the relatively rookie wrestler named Razor Ramon getting a world title shot. He was never actually in the Rumble. He always was in some kind of title match or injured. That’s saying a lot. Anyway, not a lot of people remember this show, which could be good or bad. Let’s see how it goes.

Oh and Narcissist debuts tonight.

Alfred Hayes does stupid stuff with fans as I need a revovlver.

Beverly Brothers vs. Steiner Brothers

I guess we can officially say we have a Rumble tradition as this is the fourth year running for a tag match opener. There is ZERO talking during the Beverly entrance. The Steiners get a traditional one though. Rick and Scott were there for little more than a year, but it worked very well I’ve always thought. They’ve been here about a month at this point though so this is their showcase match more or less. Wow that’s a bad draw for them as the Beverlies suck.

Heenan points out that the headgear Rick wears could be a weapon. Technically yes but it’s far better than cauliflower ear. Gorilla and Bobby are at it again, but Gorilla says the Beverlys have been successful. Did I miss something here? Scott gets an armbar and control according to Gorilla, which sounds like something on a game show. Also according to Gorilla, his taxicab driver said he could have sold his ticket for 50x its face value.

So in other words the driver admitted he might illegally scalp it. Yep that’s very smart there buddy. They reiterate that this is the first time where the winner of the Rumble is guaranteed a title shot at Mania, and thereby the tradition is born. Since it’s their first big match, let’s have them get beaten down for the most part. That’s perfectly logical isn’t it? The Steiners are getting beaten up here really badly and it’s just a poorly booked match.

If you’re going to have tag jobbers, then have them look like jobbers. By doing this it looks like Rick and Scott can’t beat a couple of horrible guys. We are LIVE! I always get a kick out of those. They come from nowhere and they don’t tell you anything at all. Also, what kind of an expression is getting a kick out of something? Wouldn’t that hurt instead of being amusing? The Beverlies are bad. Like, really bad.

We finally get to the hot tag but the fans are kind of bored here as it’s just taken too long to get to that. The tag looks awesome as Scott is on the ground and dives for Rick but he goes through the ropes and lands on the apron. That was sweet looking. Rick more or less beats them up by himself until Scott comes back in.

They set him up for a Doomsday Device move but in another SWEET counter, Scott rolls up one of them into a victory roll and the Frankensteiner ends it soon after. The ending two minutes were great but the rest was just bland.

Rating: C-. This is mainly for Rick’s beard and mustache which I think are alive. There’s no way those things aren’t at least creatures of some sort. As for the match, I don’t get why they would have the Beverlies, one of the most boring teams of all time, go in there and beat up Rick and Scott, one of the best of all time, for such a long time. It just made them look weak and while the dominated the end, I didn’t care by then, which defeats the purpose of the match as a whole.

We hit the recap of the Rockers as I’m surprised Okerlund is still with the company at this point. He and Heenan would definitely be gone by the end of the year. Anyway, the Rockers were awesome minus that whole winning anything. We have the Barbershop Incident and Marty was out for a long time.

Shawn started doing this thing where he would fix his hair in front of a mirror in the ring. Marty came from the crowd and Shawn saw his reflection in the mirror which was awesome. After the beatdown swung it at Shawn and hit Sherri who was Shawn’s manager. That led to this match.

Intercontinental Title: Marty Jannetty vs. Shawn Michaels

Sherri is here first as I think they’re trying to go with a Mega Powers Explode angle here. The aisle seems very short here for some reason. The arena is good sized so I don’t know why they would have to do that. Shawn’s belt is blue here for no apparent reason. Shawn is already selling like a mad man. In another unintentional funny moment, Gorilla answers the question of has a woman ever been in love with you by saying are you kidding me?

This is mainly about Sherri because she’s clearly more important than the title involved here. More or less we’ve had all Shawn beating on Marty here as we have this continuing theme of the faces getting beaten up. It’s mainly working on Marty’s left arm which confuses Gorilla for no apparent reason. Watch a string of matches and tell me how many times you see a guy working on the right arm. It simply doesn’t happen.

This is reminding me of the Hardy matches when they feuded as there’s just something odd about seeing these two fight. It’s just not working for me. I don’t get the need for the long pauses in commentary. It’s kind of annoying. Why does Shawn oversell everything? He hits the post shoulder first so both guys have bad wings at this point. In case you missed it the first time, WE ARE LIVE!

We apologize for taking you away from a decent match to let you know that, but we feel a shot of the crowd and a reminder that we’re LIVE is more important. For one of the only times that I can ever remember, the reverse suplex to the floor works for Marty. Sherri smacks Shawn on the floor and only Bobby and Gorilla seem to care. Wow Marty Jannetty can’t do a DDT to save his life.

They’ve picked up the pace a lot here and the crowd is suddenly alive. For reasons of it being required the referee goes down. Marty holds Shawn for a shoe shot from Sherri as my love for alliteration grows. Of course it misses and she’s completely distraught. Amazingly no one seems to care. Ok not really but I wanted to make it seem like it meant something. In a rather dumb ending, Shawn yells at Sherri, Marty gets up, Shawn kicks him and we have a pin. Sherri won’t talk to Gene in the back.

Rating: C. Well, the opening was just off for them but then they turned it up again. The ending was just odd all together though. The problem is these two had a far better match a few months later when Marty actually won the title, which for some reason didn’t happen until May which I’ve never gotten. The chemistry was there to an extent, but at the same time it just wasn’t clicking, which I know sounds weird but I can’t word it any other way.

In the back, Sherri is overreacting at an insane level as Gene even curses. Shawn runs back and looks like he’s going to hit her but Marty runs in for the save. For some reason an orange goes flying. This was just dumb.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Big Boss Man

My, that’s a lot of Bs. Boss Man is just about gone here and is a complete jobber to the stars at this point. Bigelow is freshly returned to the company here and this is I think his first non squash match. There’s zero story here, which just furthers the squash theory. We’re eight seconds in and Boss Man is looking destroyed already. This is all Bigelow here as the announcers aren’t even talking about the match but rather something about Gene and Bobby in Vegas or something.

You can clearly see the fans leaving to get food or whatever in droves. I don’t get why Boss Man was never pushed really hard in the midcard. He’s a jobber here and he’s getting solid pops. They go to the corner and Bigelow gets the traditional 10 punches to the neck. It’s also a fairly morbid match as both men are dead now. Bigelow’s submission here is just holding onto Boss Man from behind. Yep that’s it.

This is just not interesting at all and it’s going on for too long which seems to be a running theme tonight. FINALLY Boss Man does something and he gets a decent back drop on Bigelow. That’s pretty impressive. In another stupid ending, he just clotheslines Boss Man down and hits the headbutt to end it. What’s with that lately?

Rating: D+. It saddens me to see a guy that I always liked like the Boss Man reduced to this. This was a squash and not a very interesting one either. Bigelow completely destroyed him here in the IC Special. I just don’t get why Boss Man was pushed so far down. He wasn’t bad at all and apparently they saw something in him as they kept bringing him back. This was about 10% Boss Man if that, which really is a shame. Bigelow would have a strong initial run and then just fall completely flat.

We see a clip of Razor beating up Owen. Yep that’s not very interesting. Gorilla and Bobby sound odd here. We get a short promo from Razor saying he’ll beat Bret.

WWF Title: Razor Ramon vs. Bret Hart

This was allegedly supposed to have been Warrior instead of Razor. I’ve read that from multiple sources including Bret himself, so I think there might be some truth to it. Warrior had been in the title picture when Bret took it from Flair from out of nowhere. If nothing else it makes sense here for Warrior to have gotten the shot here. I think they went with the right choice in Razor though. Granted Warrior had been thrown out for steroids allegedly so there we go.

Anyway, Razor had been hanging with Flair as a top heel for no apparent reason and then he got a world title shot for no apparent reason. I think he was supposed to be this incredible tough guy but it never really was explained why he was so awesome. Granted he certainly was, but it would have helped a bit.

His character was more or less taken straight from Scarface, but he got incredibly lucky: at the meeting where he pitched the character, Vince and Pat Patterson thought he was improving it and thought he was brilliant. Even still it’s a great character, but DANG what a way to get over good with the boss. Bret, rocking the pink jacket, says that Razor has made it personal.

I guess that’s because of the Owen attack which is kind of a story so I’ll take that over nothing at all. Razor is really young in his WWF time here, having been there about five months at the time. In a very cool shot, we see Bret ready to come through the curtain and getting himself fired up. He stands there for a bit looking like he’s in a coma and at a high point of his music he snaps forward and turns into the Hitman. That was sweetness.

Stu and Helen are of course here as is their custom. Bret winning here is pretty much a given, but a title match is better than nothing at all. Before the bell, just a quick reminder that WE ARE LIVE! This is working pretty well at the start as it’s fairly clear that Razor has a limited but solid offense. He had nearly 10 years experience at this point, but he’s not a great worker yet.

Over the next few years he would just nail the character so well that it could be kind of overlooked. We have a not entirely short early beatdown by Bret which is fine as he’s making Razor look solid. Razor is helping himself as well with some good selling. Naturally we have Bret in trouble soon after this, as Razor works on the ribs. This goes on for awhile and again since the match is pretty good I can’t really comment on it that much.

It’s a very basic style with Bret being in trouble a lot but coming back with some basic offense here and there. Razor keeps him down though and avoids the Sharpshooter at all costs. Bret finally gets off the mat for a bit and we go at it some more. For no reason whatsoever, Ramon uses back to back Greco-Roman knuckle locks, more commonly known as a test of strength. Brain says this could help him work on the ribs. Am I missing something here?

Bret doesn’t get moving quickly that often but when he does it really does work. In a GREAT ending sequence, Bret rolls down the back of the Razor’s Edge and gets a sunset flip for two. Razor kicks out and Bret grabs the legs, locks the Sharpshooter on from the mat and turns Razor over for the tap. OH YES!

Now that is Bret just being awesome out there and using his natural skills to just flat out beat someone he’s in there with. That’s awesome. It’s almost the same ending he used against Perfect in 91 at Summerslam, but dang it’s still cool.

Rating: B. This was a solid enough match for sure, but it could have been just a hair better. I have no clue how, but I know it could have been. Bret was at his best out there, sort of showing Razor where to go without holding his hand. This is what they built the company on for a long while, until somehow Hogan managed to sneak in and take the world title despite not having been doing anything even remotely associated with it for about a year.

Heenan is ready to unveil Narcissus. He’s actually in the arena and not on satellite which surprises me. This was a big deal for the fans of WCW who didn’t know that Luger had jumped. Heenan is liking Luger’s body WAY too much here. It sounds like he wants to jump him or something. Also Luger is posing to some really bad pop/techno music.

I don’t know why Heenan wasn’t associated with him more than he was. I never got that. Bobby gets in a jab at Perfect before Luger talks. He doesn’t help the overtones by mentioning the people getting on their knees before him. It’s an over the top yet effective intro so I’ll give them that.

Caesar and Cleopatra are here for the foreshadowing the idiocy of the World’s Largest Toga Party at Mania. They look so bored out there and they actually try to make this sound serious. It’s just dumb so move on PLEASE.

With no big string of interviews this year, we’re ready for the Rumble.

Royal Rumble

Flair is out first as he wins the award for worst luck in Rumble history. He would get 30 about 14 years later so that’s all fine I guess. He would lose a loser leaves town match the next night on Raw, so guess how he does here. Anyway, we have a battle of the old guys as Bob Backlund is in at 2. He gets zero reaction which is a shame as he really was great. Both guys are wearing red which is interesting looking. HA I beat Heenan to pointing that out!

Wow actually Heenan would last until the end of the year. Sorry for referencing something I said a few pages ago but I just looked that up during a dead spot. Gene would be there until September. I had those dates way off. In at three is Papa Shango which is just about the oddest pick you could have to join these two. Surprisingly he lasts about 20 seconds as Flair sneaks up on him to put him out.

That’s not something I expected but it makes sense. Flair and Backlund are having what should be a pretty historic encounter here, but good night I just couldn’t care less. This would have been epic 10 years earlier, but geez this isn’t interesting at all. DiBiase comes in at 4 as the talent out there is insane. He and IRS are tag champions at this point.

Heenan is sharp here but he’s not up to what he was last year. Granted that’s nearly impossible to pull off. My goodness DiBiase and Flair would be an epic duo. I don’t think the feud would work though. Fifth is Brian Knobbs who was kind of feuding with DiBiase’s team at this time. Wow he just doesn’t fit the mold of the other three in there. DiBiase gets his face rubbed into Knobbs’ arm pit. And people wonder why he left doesn’t associate with wrestling much anymore.

Virgil is in the ring maybe 2 seconds after his buzzer goes off so I’m thinking he jumped early. Naturally he and DiBiase go at it. My goodness he was generic. Backlund is 43 years old by the way. DiBiase puts on Knobbs for a little retribution. At far less than two minutes after Virgil, Lawler comes in at seventh. Flair goes through the ropes to kill some time.

It’s just completely odd to hear Heenan talk about Lawler. We get another funny now line as Bobby says Lawler is Vince’s boss. Again less than two minutes go by and we have Max Moon who may or may not have been Konnan. We’re almost at 1/3 of the way through this and it’s not that interesting at all so far.

Lawler is wearing white/gray which looks like it has flowers on it. It’s really odd looking. Lawler puts out Moon as Genichiro Tenryu of all people is number nine. I can feel the smarks cheering from here. He goes for Flair as I request not to be soaked with semen until after 9pm. Heenan says that Tenryu must be the inspiration for chop suey with all those chops. No that would be Kobashi. Wow I spend too much time on WZ to know that.

Gorilla doesn’t have a running clock this year which I think is a first. Oh he’s told something. Apparently it’s been 20 minutes. Considering I’m watching this online and we’re at 18 minutes on the counter and the match didn’t start until about two minutes, we know that’s a lie. Not to mention he says this before #10 comes out, and with two minute intervals and considering that 1 and 2 are there together, math wise we could only be at about 16 minutes max.

Perfect is in at 10 as Heenan has a bigger heart attack than when Hogan came in last year. Naturally he goes straight at Flair which was a great rivalry that I wish we had gotten more of. For a recap, we currently have Flair, Backlund, DiBiase, Virgil, Lawler, Tenryu and Perfect in there. Perfect really was awesome at this time as this was the height of his face run. He would beat Flair clean the next night (or a week ago depending on how you look at it) in a great match. Bobby is FREAKING here.

You know I wonder what would happen if say Flair won the Rumble and then lost his career the next night. Would there not be a Mania title match? Literally as I finish typing that question, Gorilla says that should that happen there wouldn’t be a title match. It’s like we’re psychos or something! Anyway Skinner is 11th as this is just kind of looking bad so far. Perfect dumps Flair to a HUGE pop. That’s good to hear.

The Hall of Famer Koko B. Ware is in at 12, wearing but not rocking the bright green pants. Who did he sleep with to get a job for so long? I’d love to know. Perfect continues being awesome by putting out Skinner as Heenan challenges Monsoon to a fight. The Rumble is 13 years old now as it’s Samu. Nothing is happening here as we’re really just going through the motions.

Berserker comes in and we now have Backlund, DiBiase, Virgil, Lawler, Tenryu, Perfect, Ware, Samu and Berserker. Good night that’s a lot of jobbers. Perfect drops Lawler to get us down to 8. DiBiase, Ware and Lawler team up to take out Perfect after a long struggle, which disappoints me as he certainly could have gone on a lot longer as a bigger deal.

Virgil is gone too and we’re at 6. The first half ends with Taker who is allegedly the favorite in this match? Sure why not? Taker drops Samu with relative ease as hopefully he’s the guy that drops the jobbers.

Berserker and Backlund are on the floor fighting but are both still in it. Taker throws out Tenryu as I’m guessing that he didn’t get a fair break, he could outwrestle everyone in this match put together, and he had a five star tag match with some other Japanese legend about 4 days prior to this? He also should be going to Mania for some massive crossover show with another company being brought in to make it an international organization.

The fact that no one popped for his entrance, anything he did in the ring or his elimination is irrelevant as well because they just don’t get it and the in ring work is more important than ratings. Just thought I’d spare some morons some keystrokers of idiocy there. Taker vs. DiBiase is an interesting…oh blast it Terry Taylor is in this match. He’s on the Garvin scale of annoying wrestlers. THANK YOU TED DIBIASE! He put out Taylor and Ware in one shot!

Granted he got chokeslammed just after it but I’m happy now. There he goes though so we’re at Backlund, Berserker and Taker at the moment. Since we just had a cool moment, let’s have a stupid one here as Giant Gonzalez debuts. For those of you that don’t know it’s a guy that’s taller than Khali but with about ¼ of his wrestling ability.

The thing is they used the same exact storyline to introduce Khali: Daivari, or in the original case Harvey Whippleman, had managed a guy he had sent after Taker (Kamala and then Hassan/Henry) who Taker had destroyed. The monster appeared, beat up Taker a few times, leading to a major fight that Taker would win. See? It’s the same thing and the main reason why Khali was hated.

We old school guys knew what was coming step by step and it just didn’t work. Gonzalez, who isn’t named here, wears this weird suit that makes him look like a caveman. I can’t believe that at the time, people actually compared him to Andre the freaking Giant. Taker puts out Berserker to make it him alone with Gonzalez. In a standard camera shot, Gonzalez’s hips are above the top rope.

Taker comes up to his shoulders. Damien Demento comes in at I think 17 and Gonzalez throws Taker out, which for some reason counts. Yep that’s about it. Backlund and Demento aren’t in the ring but they’re still in the match so keep that in mind. Taker gets beaten down by Gonzalez which actually was a big deal at the time. This goes on WAY too long as IRS comes out at 18.

About a minute later Tatanka comes in as we realize that the Rumble more or less has started over, which is freaking stupid but whatever. Taker tried to sit up but fails so Paul Bearer has to help him. Sara, Michelle McCool, Paul Bearer, write your own joke. Taker limps after Gonzalez because the Giant worked on his leg. Yep, a monster worked on his leg in his debut. That’s just absurd. No actually it’s stupid.

They try to say Gonzalez was 8 feet tall. It was more like 7’7 but whatever. Jerry Sags is in next at 20 as we get the amazing coincidence again of having a member of the tag champions against a member of the challengers twice in the same Rumble for I think the third straight year. What a coincidence!

Typhoon comes in as Heenan says that they’re getting fresher. Well not really but since this Rumble has completely sucked I can understand his lack of good lines. Fatu is in at 22, more commonly known as Rikishi.

The problem with the reset earlier is beginning to show as we’ve got an army of nothing but jobbers out there that simply aren’t going to win. There’s also the issue of the roster here just flat out sucking. Earthquake is 23rd so we have the Disasters in there together. He goes right at Typhoon as their team was just about to split up. Quake dumps him out with relative ease as I really want this stupid match to end but we’ve got another 7 guys to come out.

Oh for the love of cheese Carlos freaking Colon is in next as Gorilla calls him a youngster. He’s 45 here and older than Backlund. To the majority of you his kids are more famous: Carlito and Primo, although they’re far less talented. He puts out Demento though so he’s already paying dividends. In next we have Tito Santana as we’re getting close to the end here.

VERY allegedly, he was supposed to win this at one point, but since he’s the only person to claim that I have a huge problem believing it. Fatu is out. To recap, we have Tito, IRS, Backlund, Sags, Earthquake, Colon and now Martel as I’m guessing he’ll fight Santana. Of course he does. DANG man they feuded for what, 4 years about a team that was together less than one. That’s even better than the Evolution feud. IRS is out.

Heenan redeems himself a bit by saying Backlund is like a spider monkey. GORILLA MONSOON SAID A BAD WORD! I have never once heard him curse and he did it like it was nothing. Actually there was a tiny little hesitation before he said it which makes me feel better. Yokozuna, who is a relative newcomer at this point, is number 27. He throws out Tatanka with more or less ease and does the same to Carlos. We get Yoko vs. Quake as Owen comes in at 28.

Heenan says he can’t hear Gorilla despite them being on headset together. Yoko actually belly to bellys Quake over the top. That was cool looking. Repo Man is 29th as I’ve made a counting error somewhere in here. Ah there we go it’s fixed now. Everybody gangs up on Yoko but amazingly he fights them all off.

The 30th guy is Savage, so the final list of guys is Backlund, Santana, Sags, Owen, Repo Man, Martel, Savage and Yokozuna. Ok, now in case you’re just an idiot when it comes to old school, you can pretty much guess who this comes down to in the final two. Yoko puts out Santana and then the same to Owen. Repo is gone and we’re down to four. Have to give it to Backlund: this is impressive. He knocks out Martel clean as Heenan is amazed.

Yoko puts him out to a chorus of boos. It amazes me that he was jobbing to Razor at Mania in a glorified squash match. He goes over an hour, setting a new Iron Man record to a great reaction and gets treated like that. If nothing else put him out there with Shawn or Santana and let them tear the house down old school style. So we’re down to Savage against Yoko as Backlund is getting a big ovation.

We get a short one on one match here as Savage gets his ask kicked for a good while. But then, there’s a comeback! Savage has Yoko in real trouble and does something no one else has ever done by knocking him off his feet! Then we get to the ending which I’m not sure if I like or not: Savage has Yoko down and goes up for the elbow. He covers Yoko, who powers out of it, throwing Savage over the top to win the Rumble.

At first I hated this, but the more I think about it the more it makes sense. Savage is as intense as anyone has ever been, so for him to get his mind clouded by being on such a role and go to what is his instinctual finish makes sense to me, even though it’s obvious that it’s scripted. I can live with this and it was a creative way to eliminate him and keep him looking strong at the same time. The Japanese flag waving for a Samoan wrestler takes us out.

Rating: D+. This was BAD. The Gonzalez thing divides the match in half and the first half is even more boring than the first. Backlund is the undisputed star of this match though as he went out there for over an hour and put on a great performance that never once was too farfetched to believe. As for the ending, this is something I wanted to address. I’m torn on whether or not this was the right ending to the Rumble.

I know that Vince wanted to push Yoko as the monster heel, but I think he was completely missing the boat here. What I would have done for my summer feud: Savage vs. Bret for the title. Now think about it. Those are two of the best workers of all time. Are you telling me that those two wouldn’t have put on a freaking classic at Mania? This is where my issues with Vince show up. No one, I repeat no one, can convince me that Yoko was a better choice for the huge push than Savage.

If you don’t believe me, watch Bret vs. Yoko from Mania 9. Yoko was just too fat to be in any real trouble and the match sucked as a result. This was Savage’s first real chance to shine with Warrior and Hogan gone. It’s not like he was incredibly old at the time (he turned 41 in November of that year) but he certainly would have worked for a feud over the summer.

He won multiple world titles down the line in WCW so he certainly still had the it factor. The fans were behind him and Bret hadn’t really gotten a big rub at all. Beating Savage clean certainly would have done that for him.

However, Vince continues his love affair with big huge men that can’t do a ton in the ring (by comparison to Savage that is) so he goes with the David vs. Goliath match, stupidly not realizing that the only thing that could make Yoko look credible for a full match was a power guy, which he got in Luger later in the year.

Either way, the Rumble sucked as once you got down to the final ten there was zero doubt who would win. The announcers were bored out of their minds too, which for Monsoon is saying a lot.

Overall Rating: D. Well let’s see. We have two ok matches, an ok one and a really boring main event. Yeah the D is a generous grade I think. The Ramon and Bret match is the only thing worth watching here as other than that the whole show is just flat out boring. Marty and Shawn is ok at its absolute best but it just falls flat on its face for the most part. The Rumble is just atrocious.

Nothing of note happens, Savage and Yoko are the only two that you think have a shot at winning, with Hogan gone there’s no real A-list star in the match, and it just doesn’t work. Gonzalez also kills the thing by eliminating Taker after about five minutes which isn’t good either.

This whole show was just awful other than a few moments, which certainly weren’t enough to validate this as one of the major, and at the time only, shows of the year. Don’t watch anything on here, not even the best match as it’s like saying someone is the best poster in the prison. Just a bad show all around.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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In Your House 4: Great White North
Date: October 22, 1995
Location: Winnipeg Arena, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
Attendance: 10,339
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

The main event tonight is Diesel defending the title against British Bulldog in a match that very few people cared to see. So few in fact that this show set a record for the lowest pay per view buyrate in company history which lasted for over ten years. Other than that we have Shawn defending his Intercontinental Title against Dean Douglas, allegedly. Let’s get to it.

We open with a decision made by WWF President Gorilla Monsoon: Shawn Michaels has been stripped of the Intercontinental Title due to a real life attack by anywhere between 2-19 United States Marines (depending on how many Shawn feels like saying there were at the time). Therefore, he has to forfeit the title to Dean Douglas, his challenger for the night, though there will be a title match tonight.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Fatu

The undefeated Helmsley would eventually go just by his initials while Fatu would become Rikishi. At the moment though he’s trying to Make A Difference with wayward kids. To say the gimmick didn’t work very well is an understatement. Helmsley has a bottle of perfume to spray on Fatu but gets punched in the face for his efforts. Fatu takes him into the corner and pounds away, sending Helmsley to the floor before he can get his shirt off.

Back in and Fatu is sent face first into the turnbuckle to no effect whatsoever, so HHH throws him into the ropes with Fatu’s neck getting tied up in the cables. Helmsley pounds away at the tied up Fatu before dropping him with a piledriver. The shirt is finally off about three minutes into the match and Helmsley walks around for awhile. A neckbreaker puts Fatu down for two and a knee drop gets the same.

We hit the chinlock on Fatu, who looks to be nearly dead as a result. Back up and a clothesline turns Fatu inside out for another two count. A Pedigree is countered with a backdrop and Fatu scores with a superkick. Fatu hits a backbreaker to set up a middle rope headbutt for another two count. Lawler is losing his mind watching Helmsley get beaten up like this. A running Diamond Cutter puts Helmsley down again but Fatu misses the top rope splash, allowing Helmsley to hit the Pedigree for the pin.

Rating: C-. This actually wasn’t that bad despite Helmsley still being a glorified rookie. Fatu wasn’t completely huge yet so he could move around the ring far better than he would be able to later in his career. This wasn’t the best choice to open a show with but Fatu was popular enough to keep it from killing the crowd.

Post match Lawler talks to Helmsley when Henry Godwinn comes up with the slop bucket, sending Helmsley running away.

We look at British Bulldog pinning Diesel in a tag match from a recent episode of Raw. The Bulldog says he’s ready to take the title tonight.

Tag Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. 1-2-3 Kid/Razor Ramon

The Gunns are defending while the challengers aren’t getting along all that well. They swear they’re fine though. The challengers both slick back their hair instead of shaking hands with the Gunns. It’s the Kid starting things off with Billy and is easily shoved down. Since power doesn’t work, the Kid opts for speed with a leap frog and an arm drag but Billy comes back with an armdrag of his own, giving us a stalemate.

Off to Razor to crank on Bart’s shoulder, only to be taken down by a fireman’s carry. Now it’s Bart working on a wristlock but Razor comes back with a big right hand, sending him to the ropes. With the referee and Razor’s backs turned, the Kid pulls the ropes down, sending Bart out to the floor. Back in and it’s off to the Kid legally with a dropkick to take Bart down again. Some running legdrops keep Bart down and it’s back to Razor for some power. There’s the fallaway slam and it’s already back to the Kid for some kicks.

Razor comes in again but Bart scores with a clothesline as Dean Douglas is watching in the back. Apparently Razor will be the one getting an Intercontinental Title shot against the new champion Douglas later tonight. A double tag brings in Billy and the Kid with Billy cleaning house and getting two off an elbow drop. Back to Bart for some backbreakers but Razor comes in to break up the pin.

The Gunns hit a nice dropkick/suplex combo for two but the Kid avoids a Stinger Splash in the corner. The referee goes over to check on Razor so Bart pulls Billy on top of the kid for two. He gets caught, so Razor comes in and puts Kid on top of Billy for two. Now it’s a hot tag off to Ramon who cleans house with right hands and the Razor’s Edge to Billy, but the Kid asks for the tag. The Kid takes forever to cover and gets cradled for the pin out of nowhere to keep the belts on the cowboys.

Rating: C. This wasn’t bad but the match was mainly about the angle at the end. Kid just wasn’t working as a good guy for the most part so the turn and feud with Razor was the logical ending. The Gunns weren’t great champions but they were the best that the company had at this point. Not a bad match here though.

Post match the Kid snaps and kicks the Gunns down, only to be calmed down by Razor.

Marty Jannetty vs. Goldust

Goldust is a rather interesting character who was obsessed with movies and was pushed as being gay at first until the character got a bit too risque for 1995 and that aspect was toned WAY down. This is his debut as well as Jannetty’s return to the company after a lengthy run in the indys. Golden glitter falls from the ceiling as Goldust gets in the ring for a cool visual. Marty jumps him in the corner and clotheslines Goldust out to the floor where another clothesline puts him down again.

Back in and Goldust stares at Marty for about 45 seconds before getting two off an O’Connor Roll. An uppercut staggers Jannetty and a second one puts him right back down again. Jannetty comes back with a hurricanrana and it’s time to shove each other a bit more. Goldust takes his head off with a clothesline and drops an elbow for two. We hit the chinlock as the match stops almost dead. Goldust backdrops him down and pounds away before sending Marty into the steps on the outside.

Marty comes back by flipping Goldust back to the floor and sending him into the steps for some nice retaliation. Goldust will have none of this being in trouble though and sends Marty into the post to put him right back down. A suplex brings Jannetty back in and we hit another chinlock. Marty fights up but misses a cross body in the corner, allowing Goldust to DDT him down for two. Jannetty scores with the Rocker Dropper (modified Fameasser) but his top rope fist hits a top rope boot. A gordbuster (front suplex) is enough to pin Jannetty.

Rating: D. This went on WAY too long, running over eleven minutes instead of the five or so that it needed. The interesting thing though is how dull the match was. This is interesting because in just a few months, Goldust would be years better and challenging for the world title. The lesson: you can’t judge a wrestler by his debut match. You have to recognize the talent and work around them instead of bending them to your system.

We recap Yokozuna and King Mabel crushing Undertaker’s face on Raw recently. As a result, Mabel and Yokozuna have a match tonight as punishment. I’m not sure I get that logic.

King Mabel vs. Yokozuna

They stare each other down to start before Yokozuna wins an early slugout, knocking Mabel out to the floor. Back in and they very slowly look at each other before Mabel slowly pounds him down and out to the floor. Back in again as JR uses his special code to apologize for how boring this match is. Yokozuna slugs Mabel down again but misses a legdrop. Mabel misses an elbow before trying a bulldog. I say trying because he grabbed Yokozuna’s head and runs, but Yokozuna doesn’t go down…..for a few seconds until he falls out of the ring. Mr. Fuji shoves down Cornette and Yokozuna splashes him, resulting in a double countout.

Rating: F. I think this is one of those matches that doesn’t need a lengthy explanation. Fat guys wrestling in short matches is a staple of wrestling, especially in the WWF so it’s not like this is unheard of. The match of course was junk with about a minute and a half of “action” spread across five minutes of ring time.

Post match the fat guys get in the ring and stare each other down before raising each others’ hands.

Here’s Dean Douglas to be awarded the Intercontinental Title from the concussed Shawn. Shawn is very depressed of course so Douglas snatches the title away from him and puts it on. There’s no announcement made here or anything so I guess the live fans are left figuring this out on their own. Shawn walks away and does the long look back before walking away. There is a title match tonight though.

Intercontinental Title: Dean Douglas vs. Razor Ramon

Razor charges to the ring and pounds away before being dropped by a right hand to the jaw. The champion bails to the floor before coming back in for some shoulders from Ramon. Razor cranks on the arm even more and we hit the armbar. Dean is sent to the mat by the arm and Razor slaps him in the back of the head to rub it in a bit. Back up and Razor stays on that arm and hangs on even through an armdrag.

Dean FINALLY sends him into the corner to escape and pounds away, only to be caught in the fallaway slam. A clothesline puts Dean on the floor as this is one sided so far. Razor snaps the champion’s throat across the ropes but Dean pokes him in the eye to get a breather. That’s all it’s good for though as Ramon punches him off the apron and out to the floor. Razor suplexes him back inside before whipping him right back to the floor. Ramon pours water over Dean’s head and we head back inside for more work on the arm.

The Razor’s Edge is countered with a backdrop over the top rope to give Douglas his first bit of control. Again it doesn’t last long whatsoever though as Dean goes up, only to jump into a chokeslam. Douglas breaks up a belly to back superplex but his cross body is rolled through into a near fall for Ramon. Back up and Razor grabs a quick belly to back suplex and awkwardly covers Dean for the pin and the title, despite Dean putting his leg under the ropes.

Rating: D. This was a squash that happened to last eleven minutes. Dean got in almost no offense with his one big move being a counter to Razor’s finishing move. This was the last you would see of Dean as anything of note in the WWF and he would be back to much friendlier pastures in ECW by the beginning of the year. Douglas’ title reign lasted no more than fifteen minutes at most, easily the shortest reign on record. This was also Razor’s fourth Intercontinental Title, a record that would stand for nearly four years.

Bret Hart comes out for commentary on the main event since he gets the winner for the title at Survivor Series. Lawler runs away in fear.

WWF World Title: Diesel vs. British Bulldog

Diesel, the champion, has no comment on the way to the ring. They shove each other around to start before Diesel puts him down with a forearm to the head. A cross body is easily caught in a slam from Diesel, sending Bulldog out to the floor. Back in and the Bulldog goes after the leg, only to be sent into the corner for a clothesline. More elbows in the corner have Smith in trouble but he comes back with right hands of his own.

A dropkick puts the champion on the floor but he lands on his feet. Diesel gets in a shouting match with Bret, allowing Bulldog to take out Diesel’s legs to take over. Back in and Smith works over the leg as the match slows down a lot. Bulldog can’t hook something like a Texas Cloverleaf but he sends Diesel out to the floor anyway, allowing Cornette to get in a cheap shot to the leg.

Bulldog sends Diesel into the steps and gets admonished, allowing Cornette to get in some tennis racket shots to Diesel’s bad leg. Bulldog puts on a half crab and then a full Boston crab to stay on the leg. Diesel powers out but gets caught in a second half crab. A legdrop gets two for the challenger and it’s back to another leg lock. Diesel finally fights up and scores with some more forearms, only to have Bulldog go right back to the knee. Bulldog loads up a cannonball down onto the knee, only to have Diesel kick him out to the floor.

Back in and Smith goes right back to the leg lock to make sure nothing gets interesting in this match at all. Diesel scores with a quick suplex and its belly to back cousin gets him a breather. Smith is up first and, after a point to Bret, puts on a sloppy looking Sharpshooter. Davey can’t slam him though (after being able to slam the much larger Bam Bam Bigelow last month), allowing Diesel to hit a big boot to the face. Cornette is dragged into the ring and thrown at the Bulldog, sending Davey out to the floor. Diesel is sent face first into the post but Bulldog shoves Bret, drawing him in for a very lame disqualification.

Rating: D-. This was terribly boring with the leg work going nowhere at all. The ending didn’t do the match any favors either with the match taking forever to be set up and then having nothing for a finish. No one was interested in this match beforehand and it was clearly just a setup for Bret vs. Diesel next month.

Post match Diesel gets in Bret’s face and they slug it out to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. This is one of the worst shows I’ve ever seen. The best matches are the first two and neither of those are anything past watchable at best. As mentioned earlier, no one seemed interested in seeing this show and it drew the lowest number of PPV buys for well over ten years. Just a horrible show and proof that a change was needed.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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In Your House 3: Triple Header
Date: September 24, 1995
Location: Saginaw Civic Center, Saginaw, Michigan
Attendance: 5,146
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

The title of this show refers to the main event, which is only one match. It’s Michaels/Diesel vs. Yokozuna/Owen Hart will all titles on the line. In other words if Diesel and Shawn win then they’re the tag champions but if Owen or Yokozuna beat Shawn or Diesel, the person with the pin gets the respective singles title. In other words, practically everything is on the line in one match so it better deliver. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about the Triple Header match and refers to Owen and Yokozuna as perhaps the greatest tag team in company history. To say that’s a stretch is the understatement of the year. Also keep in mind that Shawn and Diesel are former tag team champions.

The theme song talks about going home and being In Your House. Well you can’t say they’re being subtle at least.

Jim Ross’ prediction for the main event is Yokozuna winning the Intercontinental Title.

Savio Vega vs. Waylon Mercy

Waylon Mercy is……interesting. He’s based on Max Cady from the movie Cape Fear, but if you’ve never seen that, basically he’s a 6’7 man (probably more famous as Dan Spivey) who dresses like a very laid back southern gentleman but turns into a psycho when the bell rings. After the match is over, he’s right back to being the kindest man you’ll ever meet. The character had some staying power to him but a bunch of injuries forced him to retire just a few months after debuting the character.

Mercy offers a handshake to start so Savio dances a bit. Vega avoids a charge in the corner and cranks on the arm to start. Mercy is taken to the mat by the arm but comes back with a clothesline. We head to the floor with Mercy firing off chops and slamming Savio down before choking away back inside. A hot shot gets two for Mercy and he sends Savio into the corner but we cut over to Doc Hendrix in the back, saying that tag team champion Owen Hart hasn’t arrived yet.

Savio comes back with a hiptoss and some forearms but gets caught in Waylon’s sleeper. Vega is in big trouble but manages to send Waylon face first into the buckle to escape. A belly to back suplex puts Mercy down before Vega takes over with some right hands. Vega kicks Mercy in the face and bulldogs him down for two. A side roll gets another near fall but Mercy comes back with a brainbuster for two of his own. Savio gets a quick German suplex for two before hitting a spinwheel kick for the upset pin.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t too horrible but what in the world was the point of having Mercy lose here? Mercy was about to start feuding with the WWF Champion but you have him lose to Savio Vega in the opener of a pay per view here? My guess is that Mercy was about to leave due to the injuries so get the value you can out of him beforehand.

Cornette, Fuji, Yokozuna and British Bulldog are panicking in the back because WWF President Gorilla Monsoon is saying the tag titles might have to be forfeited. Gorilla says the title match is happening tonight.

Sycho Sid vs. Henry Godwinn

Henry turned down an official spot on the Million Dollar Team and got beaten down, turning him face as a result. Godwinn even slopped DiBiase for good measure, but got powerbombed on the floor. Henry pounds away to start and slams Sid face first into the mat as JR drops the term slobberknocker, blowing Vince’s mind. Sid gets suplexed back in from the apron but Henry hurts his back in the process. He can’t pick Sid up for a slam and the Sycho takes over.

They head to the floor with Sid jumping off the apron with an ax handle to Henry’s bad back. Back in and some kicks in the corner have Henry in even more trouble and we hit the camel clutch. Sid jumps down onto the back to slow Henry down again before ripping at his face. There’s another camel clutch but Sid isn’t even pulling back, making this look ridiculous. Back up and Sid misses a charge into the corner and Henry starts pounding away. A boot to the chest sets up the Slop Drop (reverse DDT) for two but DiBiase makes the save. Dibiase trips Henry again and Sid powerbombs him for the pin.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here again but the fans were at least getting behind Henry a bit here. Sid was just worthless in the ring as he couldn’t even perform a rest hold properly. Then again when you’re that size you can do almost anything you want and the fans are going to buy it. Still though, not a good match here as the bad start to the show continues.

Post match Kama Mustafa comes out to help Sid and DiBiase try to slop Henry but Bam Bam Bigelow makes the save and pours the slop on DiBiase again.

Monsoon says that Cornette can find a substitute for Owen Hart and he’ll have a chance at the Intercontinental or World Title in the main event just like Owen would have. The tag titles would still be on the line.

British Bulldog vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Bulldog has a match on Raw tomorrow night against Undertaker so the announcers spend most of the match ignoring Bigelow to talk about tomorrow’s match. Bigelow runs over Smith to start and then does it again for good measure. Bulldog bails to the floor and we go to a split screen to see Cornette recruiting Sid for the main event. Back in and Bigelow misses an elbow drop before being put in a quick chinlock.

Bigelow fights up but misses a headbutt, allowing Bulldog to hit a nice suplex. Bam Bam comes back with some clotheslines, only to miss a charge and fall out to the floor. Davey can’t suplex Bigelow back inside so Bigelow lifts him up for a crotching on the top rope. Smith goes after the knee and Bigelow is down again, giving Davey a nice target. Bulldog kicks away at the knee as the announcers speculate over who could be Yokozuna’s partner.

We get a leg lock on the mat as the fans try to get Bigelow back in this. Back up and Bigelow is sent into the buckle but comes back with an enziguri. He can’t follow up though due to the knee and Smith goes right back to the leg. We hit the half crab for a bit before a knee to the ribs gets two for the Bulldog. Off to the chinlock for a bit before Smith fails at a slam attempt, giving Bigelow a two count. Bigelow sits down to block a sunset flip attempt but the moonsault misses. Smith avoids a charge in the corner and hits a quick powerslam (standing instead of running) for the pin.

Rating: D+. Still nothing good here but it was WAY better than the previous match. Smith wasn’t much by this point but he was fine for beating up guys on a lower level than he was. Bigelow was pretty worthless here and would be gone in just a few months, which is probably the best result for everyone.

Here’s Bob Backlund who is thinking about running for President of the United States. He insults the fans for having a poor lexicon before talking about little victories in life, such as learning to read and write. Backlund introduces Dean Douglas for his match while praising him using words most fans don’t understand.

Dean Douglas vs. Razor Ramon

This is a result of Dean insulting Razor for losing the Intercontinental Title match at Summerslam and Ramon has bad ribs coming in. Razor goes right for him to start and clotheslines Douglas out to the floor. Back in and they take each other to the mat a few times with no one being able to get an advantage. Dean fires off some right hands but gets hiptossed over the top and out to the floor. We cut to the split screen again with Mabel looking at Yokozuna and Cornette looking thrilled. Nothing is official though.

Back in again and Douglas cranks on the arm, only to have Razor counter into a top wristlock. Dean flips out of a hammerlock but gets caught in the fallaway slam for two. Razor snaps Dean’s arm over the top rope before putting on an armbar. Back up and Dean’s sunset flip out of the corner gets two before Ramon clotheslines him down for the same. It’s a back and forth match so far and we hit the armbar again. Dean gets back up and avoids a charge to send Razor out to the floor.

Razor gets slammed on the floor and they barely break the ten count. A knee to the back sends Razor into the steps before Dean rams him back first into the post. Back in again and a top rope ax handle gets two for Douglas. Dean’s major flaw is really showing here: he’s a pretty generic in ring worker and doesn’t do anything particularly better than anyone else. He’s much better on the mic but it doesn’t help him in the ring.

Dean stays on Razor’s back before cranking on the arms for a bit. Some right hands to Razor’s bad ribs keep him in trouble and a gutbuster gets two. Off to a reverse chinlock but Razor eventually gets to his feet with Dean on his shoulders for an electric chair drop. Ramon pounds away and rolls through Dean’s middle rope cross body for two. Dean sends Razor into the referee to knock both guys down but Ramon comes back with a quick Razor’s Edge. No referee though and here’s the soon to be heel 1-2-3 Kid to count the pin behind Razor’s back. Ramon thinks he’s won and Dean rolls him up for a quick pin.

Rating: C-. The ending was more clever than a lot of others I’ve seen but it still wasn’t anything special. As I said, Douglas was a much better character than wrestler which makes these fifteen minute matches fairly dull to sit through. Razor continues to be at about the same level he’s been at for years while never really moving further up the card at all. He’s still very popular though so it’s not the worst thing in the world.

Shawn Michaels and Diesel talk about what it’s like with being in love with a girl when you’re younger but having it pulled away from you. That’s how they feel with Owen backing out tonight.

Jean Pierre LaFitte vs. Bret Hart

LaFitte is a 275lb pirate, more famous as one half of the Quebecers tag team, who has been stealing the sunglasses that Bret gives to fans and then stole Bret’s trademark leather jacket. Seriously that’s the whole story. Bret dives through the ropes to take out LaFitte to start and the brawl is on in a hurry. Jean comes back with right hands and takes it into the ring, sending Bret into the corner over and over. Hart avoids a charge and takes the pirate down by the arm.

Bret hooks the armbar but gets clotheslined down, sending Lawler into fits of glee. LaFitte stomps away as this is still in first or second gear. Bret gets pounded down in the corner before missing a charge into the post to damage his own shoulder. We get the required Bret chest first into the buckle bump as things speed up a little bit. Bret manages to backdrop Jean over the top to the floor but gets sent into the steps for his troubles.

Back in and Bret’s comeback is stopped via a spinebuster for two and we hit the chinlock. Bret fights up for about the fifth time and gets two off a sunset flip, only to be caught in a side slam. Jean gets two off a guillotine legdrop before loading up his Cannonball (Swanton) finisher. Hart rolls away at the last second and both guys are down as the fans are getting into this. The Sharpshooter is countered with Bret being kicked through the ropes, only to avoid a dive over the top from LaFitte.

Bret sends Jean into the steps before whipping him chest first into the buckle in a nice callback from earlier. A Russian legsweep gets two on Jean but he gets the boot up to block Bret’s middle rope elbow. Bret’s crucifix is countered into a rolling fireman’s carry senton but Hart gets a quick two off a rollup.

A bulldog is countered with Bret being sent chest first into the buckle again as Lawler is losing his mind on these kickouts. Jean’s top rope splash misses and a double clothesline puts both guys down. With both guys on the mat we get one of Bret’s favorites as he puts on the Sharpshooter from his back and turns it over for the submission.

Rating: B. This started slow but got much better by the middle. Bret continues to be able to have good matches with anyone he’s put in there with, which explains why he had such odd choices of opponents around this time. LaFitte was pretty much done after this match but it was a dead end character anyway.

Bret gets his jacket back post match.

British Bulldog will be Owen Hart’s partner. Gorilla approves this move, saying that Bulldog can win or lose the tag titles as well as win either singles title.

Tag Titles/WWF World Title/Intercontinental Title: Yokozuna/British Bulldog vs. Shawn Michaels/Diesel

All titles are on the line here with the person getting the fall winning the belt of whomever they pin. Smith and Shawn get things going by trading some weak hammerlocks. A backdrop puts Smith down and a clothesline sends him to the floor with Shawn skinning the cat to get back in. Yokozuna comes in sans tag but Diesel punches him out to the floor, leaving the good guys to rule the ring.

Yokozuna comes in legally now and Shawn gets down in a sumo stance in a funny bit. Shawn of course moves from a charging Yokozuna but runs into a back elbow to put him down. A big fat elbow misses and there’s the tag off to the world champion Diesel. Yokozuna gets dropped by a running clothesline but Bulldog gets in a cheap shot to slow Diesel down. Smith actually gets Diesel up for his trademark delayed vertical suplex for a two count but Diesel is right back up.

Bulldog can’t hit the powerslam and Diesel comes back with a corner clothesline to drop Smith. Back to Shawn who climbs onto Diesel’s shoulders for a huge splash, getting two. Smith pops back up and gorilla presses Shawn before crotching him on the top rope to send him to the floor. They head inside again for a BIG backdrop for two on Shawn and we hit the chinlock.

Shawn scores with a cross body but gets slammed down again, drawing in Diesel and allowing Yokozuna to come in for a nerve hold. Jim Ross (JR) asks a good question: why would Bulldog tag out? If Yokozuna gets the fall then Bulldog comes out with nothing. Shawn avoids the Banzai Drop and there’s the hot tag to Diesel.

The big man runs over the Bulldog and puts him down with the side slam. Everything breaks down with Smith being sent into Yokozuna with the fat man falling down onto him. Yokozuna breaks up a Jackknife attempt but Shawn superkicks him to the floor. Shawn breaks up a pin attempt by Davey but here’s Owen Hart who is immediately Jackknifed by Diesel for the pin and the titles. You read that right.

Rating: C+. This was a decent match until the stupid ending. Naturally this didn’t last and was overturned the next night, as it should have been. The fans popped for the finish but it was clear this wasn’t going to last at all. At least Diesel had someone he could work with here as both tag champions could hang in a power match with him. Shawn was his usual good self.

Jim Ross points out how ridiculous this is to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This makes three straight bad shows to start this series. I promise things will get better but it’s going to take a little while to get there. This wasn’t anything special and only a few decent matches aren’t enough to make it worthwhile. Diesel just wasn’t working as champion as he didn’t have enough to carry the entire company. Shawn was popular but he was still several months away from a world title push. Things will get better though, I assure you.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Survivor Series 1995
Date: November 19, 1995
Location: USAir Arena, Landover, Maryland
Attendance: 14,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect, Jim Ross

Aside from the main event, there really isn’t much else to talk about. The rest of the show is dedicated to the midcard, save for the return of the Undertaker. He’ll be captaining the Dark Side to face the Royals, led by King Mabel, who helped crush Undertaker’s face a few months prior. Let’s get to it.

We start with Razor Ramon, talking about being in the first Wild Card match. The idea here was to take faces and heels and mix them up. It was an interesting concept but like most Survivor Series matches, it didn’t mean anything and wasn’t done again.

Mr. Perfect is introduced as a surprise commentator.

We actually get an opening video which is about Bret going A-Diesel hunting. The idea is old vs. new. It’s no countout and No DQ tonight, basically meaning a street fight.

BodyDonnas vs. Underdogs

BodyDonnas: Skip, Rad Radford, Tom Prichard, 1-2-3 Kid

Underdogs: Barry Horowitz, Hakushi, Marty Jannetty, Bob Holly

The idea here is people that care about their looks vs. jobbers. Horowitz scored one of the biggest upsets ever over Skip (Chris Candido, a fitness guru. He would later be joined by Prichard under the name Zip. Their manager was the famous one though: Sunny). Jannetty needs no introduction as a jobber.

The Kid is a mystery partner who is freshly heel here. By freshly I mean this is his first match as a heel. Razor comes out to go after the Kid who screwed him over on Raw on Monday. Raw is finally a big deal at this point too. Razor is Intercontinental Champion of course. Radford is Louis Spicolli in a grunge gimmick. Holly is a racecar driver and Hakushi is a Japanese wrestler with tattoos all over his torso.

Prichard and Jannetty start things off and Marty has to fight out of the heel corner. The Kid holds him there but Prichard hits Kid with a knee by mistake. The BodyDonnas huddle on the floor until it’s off to Radford vs. Marty. Radford is called a BodyDonna in training because he’s pretty fat. Here’s Holly to face Rad and he takes Radford over with a hurricanrana. Radford tries the same thing but gets powerbombed down.

Off to Hakushi who is pretty freshly face. He gets behind Radford but walks into a spinebuster. Off to the Kid who hits a top rope splash on Hakushi for two and it’s time for Captain Skip. Hakushi escapes a belly to back superplex and it’s back to Holly who speeds things up. Prichard comes in as the fans want Barry. A powerbomb counters a hurricanrana from Holly but Tom misses a moonsault. Holly hits a top rope cross body for the elimination. Skip immediately comes in and rolls up Holly to tie it back up.

Hakushi comes in again and trips up Skip before elbowing him in the face. A Vader Bomb hits knees though and Skip gets control back. A shot to the chest takes Skip down so here’s the Kid again. The fans want Barry but it’s Hakushi taking over with a Muta Elbow in the corner. A top rope shoulder takes Kid down for two but Hakushi misses a springboard splash. Razor is watching in the back. Kid kicks Hakushi in the back of the head and Radford gets the easy pin.

Barry comes in and gets pounded down and the fans almost explode. Naturally this match would be the end of his push because that’s how it works in the WWF, though I don’t think Horowitz had a long shelf life. Radford and the Kid double team Horowitz but he comes back with a jawbreaker to Rad. Skip tells Rad not to pin Barry yet because he wants to get the pin himself.

Radford hits a Hennig neck snap as Hennig is stunned at the reaction to Horowitz. Rad stops to exercise and gets cradled by Barry for the pin. It’s Skip/The Kid vs. Barry/Marty. Horowitz gets distracted by a double team and the Kid dropkicks him in the back, setting up a legdrop for the elimination. So it’s Marty down two on one but he avoids a charging Skip in the corner.

A sunset flip out of nowhere gets two for Marty and the Rocker Dropper (a fancy Fameasser) puts Skip down and Marty goes up. Sunny crotches him but Skip gets countered into a Superbomb (powerbomb off the top, which would be Skip’s finisher in ECW) for the elimination. It’s one on one now and a missile dropkick gets two for the Kid. A moonsault misses Marty though and they’re both down. Jannetty dropkicks him down for two and here comes Sid (Kid’s partner). A Rocker Dropper takes the Kid down for two but Sid guillotines Marty on the ropes and Kid steals the pin.

Rating: B. This was a good match to open things up with, especially since I don’t think anyone would have been able to buy Barry Horowitz captaining anything but an opening match team. Other than that though, the action here was good and it set the Kid up as a somewhat big time heel which is what he needed so soon after a turn. Good opener.

Razor threw a fit in the back after the loss, throwing a monitor against the wall in the process.

Three members of I guess you would say the heel Wild Card team (Dean Douglas, Owen and Yokozuna) say that Razor needs to channel his energy into their match later, since he’s their partner.

Team Bertha Faye vs. Team Alundra Blayze

Bertha Faye, Aja Kong, Tomoko Watanabe, Lioness Asuka

Alundra Blayze, Kyoko Inoue, Sakie Hasegawa, Chaparita Asari

Bertha is an overweight and not incredibly attractive woman and is Blayze’s main rival for Blayze’s Women’s Title. She tells the fans to shut up in an attempt to get people interested in this match. The rest are Japanese wrestlers who didn’t spend a lot of time in the WWF. Asari and Asuka start things off with Asuka taking her head off with a spinwheel kick. At least I think that’s what happened because we’re getting a wide shot of the arena for the opening bell. Asari, a member of the face team, stands about 4’9 and is a tiny thing whereas Asuka looks like a monster.

Off to Blayze who is more Asuka’s size for a slam on the Lioness. Back to Asari who debuts the Sky Twister Press (a corkscrew moonsault) in America. Asuka doesn’t sell it but you can’t ask everything of her. Vince has no idea what to call it but JR is there to clean up for him. Blayze comes back in and hits a German suplex to eliminate Asuka. It makes the names easier to keep track of if nothing else.

Watanabe comes in but misses a dive. Blayze sends her to the floor and does hit her dive to take over. Hasegawa comes in and hits five rolling double underhook suplexes on Watanabe as Perfect makes sexist remarks. Watanabe hits a seated senton off the top for two as this selling thing is still an issue. Aja Kong, a total monster, comes in with no tag and is immediately kicked in the face and suplexed by Hasegawa. Another Rock Bottom suplex puts her down but Hasegawa jumps into a kick to the chest. Something like a belly to back suplex eliminates Hasegawa to make it 3-3.

Asari comes in and is quickly dispatched by a middle rope splash. If you can’t see the ending of this match coming, you fail your exam. Blayze comes in but tags out almost immediately to Inoue. Inoue looks like a cross between a Rocker and the Ultimate Warrior. By the time I finish typing that, a seated senton eliminates her. Kong put out three girls in about 90 seconds.

So it’s Blayze vs. Faye, Kong and Watanabe. All three get in the ring at once but Watanabe stays in. A snap suplex gets two for the champion and a slow motion piledriver gets the pin to make it 2-1. Faye comes in and after some basic shots in the corner, gets caught in a German suplex to make it one on one. Kong hits a superplex for two and she crushes Blayze in the corner for a bit. Alundra hits a bad hurricanrana for two and a standing moonsault for the same. Blayze goes up but gets headbutted down and the spinning backfist gets the pin for Kong.

Rating: C+. The match was fun stuff considering it only had ten minutes to get through seven eliminations. Kong would have been a great challenger for Blayze, if the division had stayed around. Blayze would show up on Nitro in about a month and throw the WWF Women’s Title (and her career for the most part) in the trash. Fun match but too rushed to mean anything.

A Bill Clinton impersonator is here. He says he’s been watching Bam Bam Bigelow since Bigelow was a kid and playing with Pebbles.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Goldust

Goldust has been around about a month at this point. This is when Goldust was just a movie fanatic at this point and not, you know, trying to screw everyone on the roster. Bigelow is obsessed with fire here, which makes sense given his looks and attire. After about a four minute entrance, we’re ready to go. Then we get some stalling to go with the long entrance.

Goldust tries to get in Bigelow’s mind but gets knocked to the floor for his efforts. Back in and Bigelow slugs him down but charges into a boot in the corner. Goldust gets rammed into the post on the floor but he comes back with a clothesline to send Bigelow back to the floor. Back in and it’s a front facelock as this match keeps dragging along. Bam Bam is thrown to the floor but comes back with a clothesline. A headbutt misses and Goldust rides Bigelow on the mat. Bam Bam comes back with an electric chair but gets taken down by a lariat. Bigelow makes a comeback, misses a charge, and gets bulldogged down for the pin.

Rating: F. This was an eight minute match. Look at the length of what I wrote and tell me how this match ran eight minutes. Goldust was all mystique and no substance for a year or so until he figured out how to wrestle a match as Goldust instead of as Dustin Rhodes in a funny outfit. This was Bigelow’s last match in the company ever.

Clinton wastes more of our time but now with Bob Backlund, who isn’t a big fan.

We recap Mabel vs. Undertaker. Mabel was fat and won the King of the Ring. Then he dropped some big fat legs on Undertaker, crushing his face. Tonight it’s about revenge.

Royals vs. Dark Side

Royals: King Mabel, Jerry Lawler, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Isaac Yankem

Dark Side: Undertaker, Fatu, Henry Godwin, Savio Vega

Mabel is on a throne carried by about five guys, all of whom look like they’re about to have hernias. The idea here is you have King Mabel, King Lawler, the blue blood Helmsley, and the Royal Dentist Isaac Yankem. About two years later, Isaac would put on a mask and remember that he’s Undertaker’s brother Kane. What exactly is dark about Undertaker’s partners isn’t really clear. Fatu is MAKING A DIFFERENCE and is supposed to be some kind of hero for kids in the projects. Godwin is a hog farmer and Vega is a street fighter from Puerto Rico.

Undertaker’s entrance is as huge as you would expect it to be. He has this skull looking mask on now which would eventually be purple and look very stupid. Fatu and Hunter start things off. The Dark Side even has matching t-shirts that say Rest In Peace. Fatu throws Helmsley around to start but we almost get a Pedigree, which is only broken up by a glare from Undertaker. Off to Godwin, who was feuding with Hunter at this point in the standard culture clash feud.

Off to Lawler who immediately tags in Yankem. A big hop toss puts Isaac down but he sends Henry into the corner to escape. Back to Helmsley, which I’m getting tired of typing. If only there was a shorter version of his name. Perfect: “You know Helmsley likes to be called Triple H.” Thank you Mr. Perfect. Anyway, Godwin gorilla presses HHH, holding him up for a LONG time.

Lawler comes in and gets Savio, which is a clash of styles if I’ve ever heard of one. Vega pounds away on Jerry and Fatu does the same. Yankem gets in a knee to Fatu’s back and the evil King takes over. The smaller evil king that is. Isaac comes in to slam Fatu and a legdrop follows. Mabel comes in but misses a splash in the corner. Vega pounds on Mabel in a rematch of the KOTR final. A side slam kills Vega but there’s no cover.

Vega gets beaten on in the corner to fill in more time. Yankem is listed as 6’8 or 6’9 here, which means he would have grown about three or four inches by the time he became the Big Red Machine. A HHH knee drop gets two on Vega as the crowd is silent because none of this means anything. This is all just filler until we get to the Undertaker tag when the place is going to erupt.

Lawler’s piledriver on Vega gets two. Well it’s not Memphis so it’s understandable. Lawler knocks Vega into the corner…..and here’s Undertaker. Jerry gets thrown around by the throat and no one will tag him. Tombstone and pin on Lawler, tombstone and pin on Yankem, chokeslam and pin on Helmsley, and there’s just Mabel left. He immediately belly to belly suplexes Undertaker down and drops the face crushing legdrop before dancing a bit. There’s the situp and Mabel runs for the countout. The four eliminations took two minutes and two seconds.

Rating: D+. This whole match ran just under fifteen minutes and about two of those meant anything. Everything was waiting for Undertaker to come in and dominate, which he did quite well, but getting there was pretty dull stuff. This match is more fun for looking at what these people would become rather than what they are now. Undertaker would lose the mask soon enough thank goodness.

Bret is ready for Diesel and isn’t looking forward to the defense he’d have at the next In Your House against British Bulldog. He talks about Wayne Gretzky and wonders if he himself is still the best ever. Today he’ll find out.

Diesel isn’t worried about Bulldog and he’s going to take care of Bret tonight.

DiBiase and Cornette have a small argument before the next match. Shawn comes in and says chill.

Team Shawn Michaels vs. Team Yokozuna

Shawn Michaels, Ahmed Johnson, British Bulldog, Sycho Sid

Yokozuna, Owen Hart, Razor Ramon, Dean Douglas

This is the Wild Card match with all of the mixed up partners. It’s also Ahmed’s (a very large, muscular intimidating man) PPV debut. Sid is Shawn’s other former bodyguard but they split after Wrestlemania XI, turning Shawn face in the process. Douglas is the original Damien Sandow, which is a ripoff of the Genius. We get going with Owen vs. Shawn which is of course very fast paced stuff. Shawn sends him to the floor and after ducking a tennis racket shot from Cornette, taps Cornette’s pants with said racket. Back inside and it’s Douglas pounding away on Shawn and suplexing him down.

Shawn comes back with a forearm followed by a double ax off the top rope for two. Douglas misses a Vader Bomb so Shawn comes back with a moonsault press for two. It’s off to Ahmed who gets to destroy everything in sight but he can’t slam Yokozuna. After a big group beatdown, Dean is able to get a chinlock on Ahmed to take over. Razor gets in some cheap shots which is rather heelish of him.

Back to who walks into a powerslam but it’s off to Shawn, who Ahmed launches into Dean for two. In a more normal act for Razor, he pops Dean in the face to give Shawn a rollup win. Off to Bulldog vs. Owen which should be a good pairing. Owen hits a sweet spinwheel kick for two and Bulldog is so mad that he tags out to Shawn.

Hart tags out to Razor and it’s time for a rematch from Summerslam 95. JR: “I don’t think they can wrestle each other without a ladder.” They’re tentative to start things off but Shawn throws Razor to the floor, followed by Razor taking Shawn’s head off with a clothesline. They collide in mid-air but Shawn nips up. Razor is like forget that chico and hits the Razor’s Edge out of nowhere. Ahmed makes the save and the fans aren’t sure if they like that.

They collide again…..and then they do it for a third time. Shawn tags in Sid who had his back to the ring for some reason. This is a rematch from a recent Raw and part of an ongoing feud. Razor can barely get up, allowing Sid to pound away at will. Yokozuna tries to get in a cheap shot on Sid but Sid kicks him away. Razor comes back with some right hands and they clothesline each other down. That’s the fourth time something Razor has done something like that in five minutes.

For some reason, Sid goes up (well he is Sycho) and gets slammed back down for two. A one handed chokeslam (looked awesome) puts Razor down but Sid tags in Shawn instead of powerbombing him. Shawn accidentally superkicks Sid but Bulldog breaks up the pin. Not that it matters as Razor covers again a second later and gets the pin. Sid powerbombs Michaels, his own partner, before leaving. Bulldog and Razor are legal at the moment with Bulldog pounding away….or not as Bulldog was just having fun.

Razor and Shawn are both down but Ramon can only get two. Owen gets the tag to beat on Michaels and drops him with a backdrop. Off to Yokozuna for the first time and he destroys Shawn in the corner. Shawn gets whipped upside down in the corner and it’s off to the nerve hold by Yokozuna. It’s not like Yokozuna is flexing or anything but it does look like a nice shoulder to lean on I guess.

Shawn gets up and is promptly elbowed back down. Off to Owen for a double headbutt to put Shawn down again. Owen misses a swan dive and Shawn makes the tag to Ahmed, who cleans house. The yet to be named Pearl River Plunge (Tiger Bomb) pins Owen and it’s off to Razor vs. Ahmed, which would have been a very interesting feud. Razor bulldogs Johnson down and things break down again with Razor beating up all of his opponents.

Ahmed goes to the corner to pose, and he just happens to put himself in Razor’s Edge position. With Ahmed down, Bulldog comes in sans tag. Here come Sid and the 1-2-3 Kid with DiBiase as Razor hits the fall away slam on Bulldog for two. Razor drills the Kid but walks into the powerslam for the elimination. It’s Shawn/Bulldog/Johnson vs. Yokozuna now.

Shawn gets the fat man first but the right hands don’t do much to Yokozuna, who slugs Shawn down with ease. Yokozuna hits the fat man legdrop but opts for the Banzai instead of covering. Shawn, fearing death, avoids the drop and makes the tag to Ahmed. There’s the slam (for the second time) but Bulldog breaks up the pin by his own teammate. Bulldog gets dropped and Shawn superkicks Yokozuna down. A splash from Ahmed (with a SQUEAL) gets the pin and the victory.

Rating: C+. For a match with almost no point behind it and some wacky teams, this was pretty good stuff. The Shawn vs. Razor stuff was interesting as you knew they had chemistry but it was fun to see them without a gimmick. Ahmed looked good but not great here, which would be the right description of him for his entire run in the WWF. Fun match that was never tried again, which I can understand.

More Clinton stuff with Sunny sitting on his lap. Lucky guy.

Bret talks about his previous matches with Diesel, both of which rocked.

Diesel says he’s Jackknifed Bret twice but he’s not sure if he can beat him. Diesel won the first one by DQ and the second was a draw. They were both good matches so this should be good too.

Perfect picks Bret, JR picks Diesel.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Diesel

Diesel is defending and this is No DQ and no countout. Diesel immediately takes a buckle pad off, so Bret takes another one off to match him. Bret charges him into the corner and goes after the leg but Diesel pounds him over the back to take over. The champ knocks Hart to the floor and Bret is limping. Diesel follows him out and hits a HARD ax handle to put Bret down again. It’s a slow start so far but they have a lot of time.

Hart gets sent into the barricade and goes back in but he bails to the floor immediately. Back in and Diesel wins a slugout, knocking Bret to the floor with a big right hand. Diesel whips him into the steps and keeps the pace slow. A theme of the promos had been wearing Bret tiring Diesel out so there’s some good psychology going on here. Diesel puts Bret down with a hard chair shot to the back and Hart is reeling.

Back in and Diesel loads up the Jackknife but Bret keeps grabbing the leg to block it. Now he bites the champ’s hands to escape. The fans are starting to get into this too. Bret goes for the knee and the champ is in trouble. They do the same opening sequence as Bret goes for the knee again but Diesel hits him in the back. This time though, Bret gets him down and cranks on the knee. See, THAT is storytelling.

Perfect says the line that always gets on my nerves: “They’re all the same size on the mat.” JR properly says “the size and power advantage are negated on the mat.” What JR says is true: Diesel is still bigger than Bret on the mat or standing up. Anyway, Bret cannonballs down onto the knee and there’s the Figure Four. Diesel makes the rope but Bret stays on the bad leg.

Hart tries the Sharpshooter but Diesel thumbs him in the eyes before kicking him into the exposed buckle. Bret picks the leg again and wraps it around the post before tying a cord of some kind around the post. He ties the other end of the cord to Diesel’s leg, making the champion a sitting duck. Bret gets a chair but Diesel uses the free leg for a big boot. Diesel crawls for the chair but Bret gets to it first and wears out the knee with chair shots.

With the leg still attached, Bret pulls off the backbreaker. Bret takes the chair to the top but Diesel punches him down to crotch Bret. Hart gets slammed to the mat, giving Diesel the chance to untie his ankle. Diesel chokes Bret with the cord and hits the side slam for two. Diesel sends Bret chest first into the exposed corner and puts him in 619 position for the running crotch attack, but he can’t run because of the bad leg. Instead he jumps into the air and crashes down on Bret, which looks more painful than the running version.

Diesel can barely hit Snake Eyes onto a covered buckle and Bret is in trouble. He tries another one but Bret escapes and rams Diesel into the exposed buckle. A Hart Attack clothesline gets two on the champ and Bret starts his comeback. That would be his second comeback if you’re keeping track. A middle rope clothesline gets two as does a Russian legsweep. Bret clotheslines Diesel to the floor and tries a plancha but Diesel just steps to the side and lets Bret crash.

Bret starts getting back to the apron but Diesel knocks him off, and for the first time ever, through the Spanish Announce Table. They head back inside and Diesel calls for the Jackknife but Bret falls onto his face from exhaustion. Diesel picks him up to try again but BRET IS GOLDBRICKING and rolls Diesel up for the title out of nowhere in a big surprise.

Rating: A. Outstanding match here with both guys looking awesome. It takes the right kind of opponent to get a great match out of Diesel, but when you put a smaller guy like Bret or Shawn in there, the results are almost a guarantee. These two had some classics against each other and this was one of the best ones. I had a blast with this and it worked really well with Bret getting more and more violent and sadistic before faking Diesel out and using a wrestling move to win the title. That’s psychology people, and it’s great.

Diesel snaps post match and lays out Bret and some officials. Bret takes two Jackknifes and Diesel says I’M BACK to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was a pleasant surprise as with 1995 you often think of something disappointing but instead this was good almost throughout. The Goldust match was terrible but other than that and arguably the Undertaker match, the rest of this is all solid to quite good stuff. Throw in a new World Champion and there’s not much you can call bad here. Very good show.

Ratings Comparison

BodyDonnas vs. Underdogs

Original: A-

Redo: B

Team Bertha Faye vs. Team Alundra Blayze

Original: D

Redo: C+

Goldust vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Original: C

Redo: F

Dark Side vs. Royals

Original: B-

Redo: D+

Team Shawn Michaels vs. Team Yokozuna

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Bret Hart vs. Diesel

Original: C+

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B

As close as the previous show was to being the same, this one is almost entirely different, yet it leads to a very similar overall rating. That’s a very interesting thing and one of my favorite things to see in doing this.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/14/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1995-bret-slays-the-giant/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series 1995
Date: November 19, 1995
Location: USAir Arena, Landover, Maryland
Attendance: 14,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Mr. Perfect

It’s show #9 in this series as we’re in the New Generation, which means this likely will absolutely suck. Your main event is Bret vs. Diesel for the title. Nash has held it for nearly a year at this point with Hart off having completely random feuds. Other than that, it’s all Survivor Series matches and a random singles match. We have an interesting concept here called the Wildcard match, which means random teams, meaning faces teaming with heels.

Amazingly, this didn’t happen again. I haven’t seen it in years so I’m not sure why. The card looks rather lackluster actually. Maybe I’m wrong though, as I’ve been surprised before and I may be again. Also, I’m FINALLY caught up from the four shows I lost, so for the first time since 1992, this is fresh material for me. Let’s get to it.

Side note: Nitro debuted two and a half months prior to this, meaning Luger is freshly gone and that Hall and Nash will be gone in less than a year and the true dark days are coming for the WWF. Oh and another note: HHH has since debuted, but he’s barely, and I do mean barely, above being a jobber at this point.

We open with an interview with Razor talking about the Wildcard match that he’s in. I’ll spare you the participants for later. He says he doesn’t trust his partners. Hall so clearly didn’t care anymore at this point and I can’t blame him at all. He was never going to get past the upper midcard there and he bailed. I can’t blame him at all for that one.

Mr. Perfect is introduced to do commentary as we go to our opening video which is about Hart vs. Diesel. Nash is said to be the only person to win the Triple Crown (not called that) in a year. At the time that was true, but now Punk did it, plus the ECW Title, and in fewer days. Take that old man. We’re presented by Karate Fighters and Todd is way too excited over that. Since we’re outside of Washington D.C., everything has a patriotic theme. Oh joy.

Surprisingly, the Public Enemy of all teams was in the dark match. I’m guessing this was a tryout that didn’t work?

Underdogs vs. BodyDonnas

Underdogs: Marty Jannetty, Hakushi, Barry Horowitz, Sparkplug Holly
BoddyDonnas: Skip, Rad Radford, Tom Pritchard, 1-2-3 Kid

Oh dear. Oh dear indeed. This is borderline frightening it looks so bad. Marty Jannetty is the freaking captain of a team of jobbers. Well at least they got his role right. Honestly, this is just awful looking. Sunny is the absolute saving grace of this match. How in the world was she not made into the biggest Diva of all time? That continues to blow my mind. I shouldn’t mention Sunny and blow in the same line as it can have multiple connotations. Her talking intro was always great.

Radford is Louie Spicolli for those of you that don’t know. His debut with Monsoon on commentary was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard as Gorilla just never got it. Kid is freshly heel here and is officially annoying. This led to a series of some of the biggest wastes of time ever between Kid and Razor. I absolutely hated them all and they got no heat so they naturally continued for about 4 shows in a row.

He’s gone from hanging out with Razor Ramon to teaming with Skip. I thought he was supposed to be moving up on the roster. Razor comes out but the referees hold him back, which gives us time to see the clip of the turn from Raw. Kid fast counted Razor on Raw and took money from DiBiase. What’s so bad about this? He was tired of being Razor’s apprentice and turned heel. This is set up strangely.

The faces are in the bottom right hand corner as opposed to the upper left hand corner like they usually are. It’s just odd to see and I’m having issues getting used to it actually. Bob Holly is still the NASCAR guy at this point and both he and Jannetty have been tag champions with the Kid. Wow they were burying the tag belts even this far back.

Hakushi is getting all kinds of pops, which goes to show you that no matter how many stupid gimmicks you have, exciting wrestling will shine through in the end. Kid comes in and is booed out of the freaking building. Oh I just got why Pritchard is out there. Very soon, as in maybe a month after this, he would be turned into Zip, the other Body Donna. I guess this is a trial run. They touch on Holly being a two sport athlete.

Perfect says he’s an ALL SPORT ATHLETE. That’s either a great slogan or a great tag line. Either way, it’s more proof that he’s awesome. The crowd actually chants We Want Barry. My goodness has the WWF stumbled onto something here? I think they might have. Since they have, naturally, they did nothing with it and I think this was the last thing they ever did with him of note and he was jobbing again in like a week. And Vince wonders why his company more or less died in less than two years.

Holly comes in and takes out Pritchard with a cross body. Skip immediately comes in and rolls him up for the pin. I know that’s kind of cheap, but it’s a sequence that accomplishes two things here: Number one, it clears the ring of some clutter which when you have less than 20 minutes like these guys do, you have to clear the place out relatively quickly. Second, it plays up the idea of survival, because once you get pinned the match doesn’t stop at all. That’s actually very smart, despite it looking incredibly cheap.

Hakushi was freaking sweet in the ring. Again, he’s getting big pops, so he was jobbing and then gone soon after this. He and Bret had some great matches over the summer of 95. You should check those out. This crowd is white hot too which is helping things a lot. These guys are wrestling an almost cruiserweight style match that’s working very well.

See, WWF managed to screw up the light heavyweight division in so many ways. The first way was in the name. What sounds better: Cruiserweight or Light Heavyweight? It’s just a big garble of words to say. Cruiser sounds smooth and sleek. Second, they kept the belt on the inaugural champion for I think 9 months. Dude, that’s freaking stupid. The point of having a title like that is to have a bunch of fast paced matches for the belt.

People aren’t looking for substance in something like this, but rather flash. Third, they had no rivalries or anything like that. It was just a bunch of random one off matches that meant nothing. The other issue with the matches was that they weren’t flashy at all. They were just small guys wrestling. Look at WCW, where the Cruiserweights were a huge part of the show. They’re all over the place with Mexican and Japanese styles and the fans are all over it.

Finally, there was no Mike Tenay or anyone like him. He was annoying to me, but his commentary got the guys over because he was talking about how great they were. Those little stories he told were interesting and you remembered them. That’s what a commentator is supposed to do. The WWF guys would just sit there and say WHOA! The point of this rant/history lesson is that this right here could have been a great division.

With the exception of Radford, these guys are all the right weight and they had the right style. Also, we know these guys. They’re not just random wrestlers having matches but familiar faces having fast paced matches. This, while looking horrible on paper, is actually pretty good. Naturally, none of these guys ever did anything despite getting good reactions, because they’re not 300lb muscle heads.

It’s part of why Vince can’t expand better than he has already: he won’t import and set up new things that he has the resources to accomplish. Ok I think I’m good now. Actually I’m not. Look at the Kid here. He’s a freshly turned heel that has a very limited track record. Wouldn’t being the evil lightweight champion be a great career move for him?

He’s this young guy that sold out and while everyone hates him, he’s the lightweight (I’d call it Flyweight or something like that) champion that everyone hates. Imagine some of the feuds he could have with that before setting up the showdown with Razor (had he stayed).

I’ve said it a million times: the Kid was suited to face small guys but he failed on all levels against big men like Razor. Imagine Hakushi vs. Kid in a 20 minute match to open the Rumble. That’s a freaking classic. But alas, we’re stuck with him wearing a diaper after losing his 128th match in a row to Ramon. Ok, now it’s out of my system for now.

Razor and some of his buddies are watching in the back as Hakushi misses a springboard splash. Kid hits a spinkick to take out the White Angel. Apparently Horowitz is the captain? Then why did they come out to Jannetty’s music and not the Hava Nagila rock song instead? That’s just awesome on so many levels. On top of that, why mention that JANNETTY WAS CAPTAIN EARLIER IN THE FREAKING MATCH?

Seriously, if you’re going to have a team of jobbers, know who the head jobber is. Radford uses the Perfect neck snap that gets no recognition from Perfect. That surprises me. The way Horowitz is laying on the mat it looks like he’s wearing a thong. If wrestling ever dries up, he could strip. It’s not bad. Anyway, Radford beats on him some more but then poses and Horowitz hits a three quarter nelson rollup and pins him to make it 2-2.

Less than a minute later after a fast tag, Kid Hogan pins Barry with a legdrop, which Vince calls a devastating maneuver, to an even bigger amount of booing than he’s used to, which is to say a freaking ton. That leaves us with Marty against Skip and the Kid. Skip and the Kid sounds like the name of a really bad rap duo. When Marty wasn’t looking like a freaking idiot, he was actually pretty good in the ring.

He hits a Rocker Dropper, which is more or less a slow Fameasser on Skip. Perfect says that’ll break your neck. Bad choice of words Curt: it did break someone’s neck once and massive lawsuits against the WWF followed. Granted that’s obscure so he likely didn’t know. Ok, now this part I just don’t get. Marty goes up top, and Sunny shakes the ropes to crotch him. The referee is watching her do this and yelling at her not to, yet somehow this isn’t a DQ.

It doesn’t matter anyway because Marty hits a freaking powerbomb off the top to eliminate Skip. That was awesome looking. We’re down to Marty vs. Kid and if you don’t know who is going to win this then you’re a freaking idiot. Kid hits a running dropkick which is a move that I can never figure out how is possible. Wow that doesn’t sound correct. Both guys go down and we’re at a double count. I have no issue here because they’ve been wrestling a fast pace and they deserve a short break.

For no apparent reason Sid comes out as Jannetty hits one of my favorite moves ever in the jumping back elbow. I’ve always marked like crazy for that move. Ok, now Razor got sent back but Sid doesn’t? Yeah I love wrestling logic. Every time they say Marty I hear Power of Love from Back to the Future. DiBiase distracts the referee and Sid clotheslines him on the top rope as the crowd chants bull for the pinfall.

Kid needs new music that I don’t think he ever got. The big celebration happens. The beat to that song sounds like a faster LOD song, at least to an extent. We see Razor in the back throwing a freaking fit over Kid winning. He chucks a monitor at the wall. DAng man get laid already.

Rating: A-. I really liked this match. On paper this looks freaking awful but it was great in the ring. Like I said, if you just let small guys have a long fast paced match, it’s going to work most of the time. That’s what happened here. There’s no real story here other than 8 guys having a match and it was very, very good. Find this match as it’s worth checking out.

The mostly heel Wildcard team says that Razor better have his head on straight. Cornette’s rant here is great as he looks like he’s about to fly off the floor from his lips moving so fast. Owen says nothing special and Dean Douglas continues to prove that he’s better than Matt Striker at this gimmick.

Alundra Blayze’s Team vs. Bertha Faye’s Team

Since it’s the captains and three Japanese wrestlers each, I’m not going to bother writing out their names because most of them don’t have Wikipedia pages and I doubt more than 5 people have heard of all of them. There’s a big rant coming later about why this is a bad idea, but I’ll save it for after the rating of this match. The only one you need to worry about is Aja Kong for the heel team. The heels get no intro and the faces get something close to one.

Vince immediately tells JR to do the commentary, which is his way of saying I have no freaking clue who I signed for this so get me someone that either knows or cares at all. The bell rings and the botches begin. Yeah this match is rather sloppy. A woman named Chaparita Asari is put in a giant swing by Lioness Asuka which looks awesome. She must have been spun around 12 times. That was impressive.

After it though Blayze gets tagged in for about 20 seconds before slapping the tights of Asari (who stands 4’9) while she’s on the top rope, only to throw out a big flip called the Skytwister Press. It looked awesome as heck either way. It would have even been better if she was closer than the foot off that she was. I mean she missed EVERYTHING. Her arm grazed the other girl, but that was just bad, and considering it was a three foot jump or so, that’s not good.

After some botched chops, Blayze eliminates her with the bad German Suplex that she used. Also on a related note, when women of this era did slams, why did the tuck the head instead of putting their arm under the head? I’ve never gotten that. Watanabe comes in and in one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen, sees Blayze standing between her legs as she’s on the top, and then throws the moonsault anyway. Yeah that was dumb.

Blayze follows that up with a cross body to the floor that almost misses as well. Look, I get that it’s rare to find women that are high fliers like this, but at least hit your opponents please? Hasagawa, a face, hits rolling butterfly suplexes. Ok that looked awesome. Perfect has some really chauvinistic lines. Aja Kong comes in and beats up Hasagawa while we’re randomly thrown to the Spanish commentators. Back to the English guys and JR, who is given the commentary again by Vince.

A big suplex puts out Hasagawa. Less than 30 seconds later, the tiny Asari goes out to a splash and we have our monster. An Earthquake drop puts out Inoue after 40 seconds. What’s with Kong sticking her tongue out with every cover? Does she think she’s the Undertaker or something? In something very smart, the three heels just all go at Alundra at once. That’s really smart.

Eventually it’s Blayze against Watanabe, and after an ok piledriver it’s 2-1 to actually give us a reaction for the first time in this match. I know I’m not saying much here but that’s the first time since the beginning of the match that there’s been more than a minute between eliminations. How much can I say about a girl coming in, getting clotheslined and after a big move getting pinned? The crowd is just dead here until after what’s called a German suplex it’s Blayze against Kong.

Kong hits her in the shoulder as apparently she thinks she’s Rocky Marciano. Both try their finishers but they don’t work and now Kong uses the girth of her stomach to crush Alundra in the corner. We get some decent back and forth stuff until Kong tries to do the Vader body splash thing then beat on her chest.

She does the exact same sequence again before standing her up and hitting the Awesome Kong spinning back fist which hits Blayze square in the arm for the pin. Yep, the women’s champion got pinned by a woman that was never seen on PPV again. Kong uses the old Orient Express’ music which is awesome.

Rating: D. Ok, now I’m waiting on a Joshi or Puroesu fan to come in here and argue with me over this, because I’m going to tear them apart on this one. I’m going to say this once and for all: Japanese wrestling does not now nor has it ever worked in mainstream American wrestling companies. Now before you jump down my throats, the wrestling is traditionally fine. Guys like Chono and Muta can wrestle five star classics and that’s fine.

However, for the most part, these guys never get over and they never will for a variety of reasons. The biggest is clear: we don’t know who these people are. Now I know the biggest argument here is going to be “well then go watch their matches and find out for yourself.” Well no that’s not how it works. When I turn on Raw I don’t want to have to have watched a series of matches to prepare. It’s wrestling, not a college exam.

Wrestling is supposed to be something that anyone can turn on and watch. This is where problem number 2 comes in: we have no idea why these people are feuding. It doesn’t have to be anything complicated, but just tell us why they’re fighting. Is that so hard? I’ve never once heard of a storyline between two big name Japanese stars, not a single one. The system works fine for Japan, but here it’s just a failure. Finally, get wrestlers that aren’t going to botch 20% of the moves they attempt.

I’m sorry, but this was mostly botches. Coupling that with the fact that no one knew who 6 of these women were along with Kong never being seen again other than I think a lone Raw match, this was just a waste of time. The fans were bored out of their mind for the most part too. Bring it on people.

We go to a Bill Clinton impersonator for absolutely no reason. They did this at Mania 10 and the guy was awesome. This is just weak. Bigelow is on his way to the ring and the Lewinsky Enthusiast says he watches Bam Bam every Saturday. He watches Fred and Barney too. Yes, this actually got PPV time.

Goldust vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Goldy is a rookie here, having debuted in late October in one of the worst matches I’ve ever seen. Hopefully this is better. It can’t be worse. Bigelow is the epitome of a jobber to the stars here, despite having main evented an In Your House recently. He would be gone very soon though. This match is just flat out boring. It runs a bit over eight minutes and is just run of the mill stuff. You could see anything here at say an indy show or a house show.

While not entirely a squash, it’s very close to one as Bigelow never really is winning past more than maybe a punch here or there. I get why this is on the PPV, but I wish it was more like 5 minutes or so. There’s just not a lot to say here. Goldust wins with a bulldog. Yep that’s all I’ve got.

Rating: C. Honestly, what else can I give this? It’s a generic match that there’s absolutely nothing special at all about. I can’t really grade it so I’ll just call it average. Goldust is brand new so no one really knows anything about him. It’s fine, but overly long.

Back to the president, who is now chatting with Bob Backlund. Backlund was doing a weird gimmick where he wanted to be President. He actually ran for Congress in I think New Hampshire. Naturally he was destroyed, but at least he tried. These are more bad attempts at comedy.

We get a recap of Taker getting his face crushed by Mabel, which leads us to this.

Dark Side vs. Royals

Dark Side: Undertaker, Savio Vega, Fatu, Henry Godwinn
Royals: Mabel, Jerry Lawler, Isaac Yankem, HHH

Dang I was hoping it would be Darkseid. This is Taker’s first match in I think a month, and that’s the team he picks? Geez. As for feuds, the only one I can think of is HHH vs. Henry which apparently is just getting going. The idea of the other team King Lawler, Isaac is the royal dentist (it’s 1995 just go with it. He’s more commonly known as Kane in case you didn’t know that) and HHH is regal-esque I suppose.

Lawler does a short promo explaining this since at the time he’s the only one that has a clue about how to talk at this point. Mabel comes out on the throne that King Macho used to use. That’s just amusing. He is with Sir Mo, as a small part of my soul dies. The king is wearing sunglasses, but not the kind Savage wore. He could pull those off. Mabel, not so much.

Taker of course gets his own entrance, as he should. He’s wearing this weird mask that looks like a skull mixed with Warrior’s face paint. It’s not paint, but it’s in that shape. It just looked weird. Fatu is in his make a difference era, which was somehow stupider than Rikishi. In a great looking shot, Taker pulls off the hat but the camera is from behind him and we see Mabel’s reaction to Taker’s face. That’s awesome.

The curtsey that HHH used was just sweet. He needs to be a full time heel. Vince says Fatu is one of the premiere athletes in the WWF. That’s beyond laughable. After some stupid fear spots from the heels, we’ve got Godwinn vs. future Kane. WOW. Mr. Perfect refers to Helmsley as HHH. That name wouldn’t actually take effect for over two years. How far ahead of the game (pun intended) was he?

Oh all of the faces are wearing shirts that say Rest In Peace on the back. Wow what a show of team unity that is. While Lawler’s selling was great, Savio continued to be a complete waste of oxygen. He dances a bit and according to Vince, that means “Come on Jerry Lawler get up and let’s go.” Did Vince major in interpretive dance or something in college? It amuses me that of all the heels, Yankem would become the second most successful.

He pulls off a half decent dropkick which amazes me. I’ll never get over a guy that big being able to get in the air like that. It was sloppy but it was good enough I suppose. Vince brags about Vega. Was he an affirmative action guy or something? What talent did he ever have? He takes the Lawler piledriver as we are LIVE from USAir Arena. Can someone explain the point of those to me? I just don’t get it.

Savio gets back in with what we would refer to as a Rock Bottom. It doesn’t have a name here yet though, and it wouldn’t have been wasted on someone like Savio so there we go. Ok, now we have a sequence that is literally too dumb to describe. Ok no it’s not because I’m going to describe it but you get the idea. All right, now you all know that Lawler’s big move is the piledriver. He’s beaten a ton of guys with it and it’s devastating right?

The people were surprised that Vega kicked out of it a few seconds before, so apparently it’s a good move right? It worked on Savio a few seconds before, so logically it should work now. Instead though, Lawler hits it again, and while he’s sitting on the mat, Savio jumps up and dives to his corner to tag Taker, and THEN collapses from it. What in the world was that supposed to be?

Now I could understand if it was a move like a sharpshooter or something where it’s an extremity and you could get to your corner on pure adrenaline. Even a powerbomb or something like that where you land on your back would make something close to sense here, but not a freaking piledriver. You get dropped on your head but apparently Vega has a titanium cranium and can withstand blows to it like that. That just looked so stupid. Sell the move you imbecile.

Now that Taker is in, I think you can figure the rest out. In less than three minutes, two tombstones, a chokeslam and Mabel running means a clean sweep. Taker was AWESOME here as they put him over as an unstoppable force that was obsessed with revenge, which is when he’s at his best.

Above all else: the crowd was white hot for him as he continues to be possibly the most over face in the company at the time. Also, who would have thought that in less than three years, Taker vs. Isaac Yankem would have been the second main event at Wrestlemania with Taker looking like he was going to go down. Taker beats up Mo after the match so this was a good ending.

Rating: B-. This was a tale of two matches. The first part, which is before the tag to Taker, was ok at best. The second part, after the tag to Taker, was awesome. When Taker is used exactly right, he’s one of it not the most exciting wrestlers to watch ever. No one, and I repeat no one, goes off on someone like Undertaker. When he’s ticked off, he’s my all time favorite character to watch. This might as well have been a handicap match.

Taker would go on to feud with Diesel very soon after this. I think it started at the Rumble. Taker and Mabel had a worthless casket match at the next PPV that I actually forgot about. It was just horrible as Vince pulled the plug hard on Mabel and fed him to Taker.

Bret says that he’s not worried about facing Bulldog at the next PPV and that he feels like Wayne Gretzky.

Diesel says he wants the Bulldog too but he’s not sweating Bret. I probably should mention that Smith got cheated out of his title shot at the last PPV and therefore he’s getting a rematch with the winner of Bret vs. Diesel at the next In Your House.

Cornette is now with the other Wildcard team and says he wasn’t with the other one earlier. DiBiase says not to cross him. My goodness what I would give for a long term program between those two.

Wildcard Match

Team 1: Yokozuna, Owen Hart, Razor Ramon, Dean Douglas
Team 2: Shawn Michaels, Ahmed Johnson, Sid, British Bulldog

The idea here is faces mixed with heels. That’s a decent idea actually, but it begs the question of what is this going to accomplish? The point of a Survivor Series match is to continue a feud, but there’s nothing major going on here feud wise. This is Ahmed’s PPV debut, so no one knows much about him. Cornette is trying to figure a way to manage both teams which is amusing. Yoko’s fat has reached gargantuan proportions.

Dean Douglas here is the teacher gimmick that was 100x better than what Matt Striker did with it. Razor’s pop is still solid and he’s STILL the Intercontinental champion. Did he ever lose that thing? Razor’s pop is still solid, but at this point I completely understand him leaving. He’s been stuck in the same place for three years now and is STILL feuding with the 1-2-3 Kid. He could wrestle, he got pops, he could talk, yet he never got out of the midcard. That just makes zero sense.

He easily could have been a main event level guy and maybe even have had a very short title run. Are you telling me people wouldn’t have bought Razor vs. Diesel for the title? I would have been interested in it. At least he was vindicated though as he went to WCW and was a major reason as to why the WWF almost died.

As for why these people are in the match, Shawn is because he’s on the verge of breaking through the glass ceiling, Owen, Bulldog and Yoko are Camp Cornette, Razor and Douglas had fought for the IC Title at the last PPV where Douglas had been awarded the title after Shawn had to forfeit it and Sid had fought Razor on Raw this past Monday. Ahmed is there…just because I guess. He slammed Yoko a few weeks ago so he’s been booked very hard early.

Vince really wanted to make him world champion, but injuries and a lack of talent prevented that from happening. Shawn’s pop is ridiculous. He was in the angle where he had been really badly injured time after time but kept coming back, which would ultimately result in him getting hurt one more time and returning at the Rumble, where he would win it to face Bret in the Iron Man match at Mania. Perfect can’t stand him, saying Shawn has nothing on him.

At least Perfect keeps up his feuds from the past. Ross makes a political analogy out of this which completely fails. Naturally they argue over who is going to start. Shawn can’t find his corner. Yep he’s likely bombed. We start with Shawn and Owen, so this will at least begin well. In case you didn’t notice the first 10 times, this was made by President Gorilla Monsoon. These two start hot with Shawn hitting a very impressive move.

He’s thrown over the top, skins the cat and grabs Owen’s head with his legs to pull him over, and then skins it again to get back in. Who in the world named that move? What kind of a creepy name is skinning the cat? Is that some weird reference that I’m just not getting, or did people actually skin a cat and think this looked like it/ That’s just creepy.

Anyway, they stay hot in the ring. How in the world was this not the main event of the 98 Rumble? Everything was there, yet it never happened. I’ve always thought it was because Shawn was afraid Owen would shoot on him and kill him, which is understandable I guess. Dean comes in and punches Shawn down which is surprising. Shawn has TR on his boots. I have no idea what that means.

This was during the time where Shawn was so far above just about everyone not named Hart that it was a given that he would be in the title picture very soon. This is easily the best time of his career from an in ring perspective. We get the warm tag to Ahmed and Perfect changes his stance on him about every two seconds which is amusing. Now it’s Ahmed vs. Yoko, in a match that could set wrestling back decades.

Thankfully Douglas comes back in. What am I saying? It’s a scary thought when he’s the improvement. Razor shows some heel tendencies by beating on Ahmed a bit in the corner. Honestly, they picked Ahmed to get beaten on out of all the people they have on their team? In a cool spot, Ahmed picks Shawn up and launches him into Dean with a cross body. That was cool. Eventually Douglas tries to bail but Razor stops him before punching his partner into a roll up by Shawn for the pin.

Shawn used the tights, but since he’s almost the top face in the company we’ll overlook that. We move on to Owen vs. Bulldog which should be good. Davey offers a left handed handshake which even thinking about is making typing feel weird. Owen takes it but both have the same idea and punch each other with their right hand. They tag out to Razor and Shawn, who apparently are nervous about fighting despite having had a ladder match two months prior.

Ross gets in either a huge insult or a joke, asking if they can wrestle each other without a ladder. Vince laughs, but it’s one of those that’ll be a week’s pay laughs. They stand there looking at each other for about a minute, so we cut to an arena shot and we can barely see them finally make contact. Dude, were the production people on drugs or something? These cuts make zero sense most of the time.

Anyway, we have them going at it after missing ten seconds of it due to needing to see the 192nd row for some reason. Shawn goes for the forearm but Razor isn’t in place I suppose and it’s more like a shoulder block. Shawn nips up anyway, as Razor suddenly remembers he’s supposed to be up. That was a weird looking sequence. Razor actually gets the Razor’s Edge clean and covers but Ahmed makes the save. That was really surprising.

Shawn ducked and Razor just got him up and hit it like Shawn was a jobber. This is a weird match. Within 30 seconds we have two instances where both guys are down. Oh yeah they’re both in the clique. That’s why this is a weird sequence.

For some reason Sid is facing the crowd as Shawn gets the tag to him and we have Razor vs. Sid now. Has there ever been a more overrated big man than Sid? If there has been I can’t think of one. Naturally he got a huge main event push everywhere he went, but he still was just bad in the ring most of the time. In ANOTHER weird spot, Sid is stomping Razor and Yoko comes in, hits him once, gets kicked in the chest and then leaves as Sid goes back to stomping. Yeah that was pointless.

Oh look two guys are down again. What’s with this stop and go style of wrestling? I really don’t care for it. Sid tries to go to the top but since he used to be a Horsemen, that doesn’t work as he pulls the Flair spot from it. Sid does impress me though as he hits a one handed chokeslam on Razor, who weighs about 270. Wait, why is Sid up that fast after getting slammed off the top? Sid calls for Shawn to kick Razor and you know where this is going.

Yep Shawn kicks Sid but doesn’t really seem to mind. Razor covers him but Bulldog runs in for the save with a leg drop that somehow misses and hits Sid. Razor covers him again like nothing went wrong and pins him. Vince and Ross are confused as to why Bulldog tried for the save there. Maybe because his partner was about to get pinned boys? Could that have something to do with it? Apparently not.

See even Vince and JR can’t figure this thing out and one of them likely came up with it. Ok so it’s 3-3 now as I’m trying to remember who is who here. Ok so it’s Bulldog vs. Razor, making it heel vs. face but the face is on the heel team and the heel is on the face team but the heel on the face team is acting like a heel despite supposedly being a face for this match while the face on the heel team is acting heelish, meaning that everyone is doing their job? I need a chart or something here.

This is like the smark’s nightmare match. As Bulldog is beating on Razor, Sid comes back and powerbombs his partner Shawn. I really hate this match. Oh and Bulldog goes to the apron despite never tagging in Shawn. Shawn of course kicks out to a short but loud pop. We’re back to Shawn and Owen now, which hopefully makes this more sensible. Since that would be the best case scenario, we switch out to Yoko to make this bad again.

JR says this is a bigger mismatch than Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett to really date the show a bit. Uh oh it’s Yoko with the evil nerve hold! They discuss the idea of Shawn being world champion but they’re not sure if it could ever happen, which more or less cements that it’s going to happen in the future. Owen runs in to stomp on Shawn a bit while the referee isn’t looking, which again confuses Vince. It’s run of the mill heel tactics, so why is this weird?

A diving headbutt by Owen misses and allows Shawn to tag Ahmed. A Pearl River Plunge, called the Tiger Bomb which is a better name, ends Owen to make it 3-2. That gives us Razor vs. Ahmed which on paper sounds appealing but in reality it’s not a great match up due to Ahmed’s limited ability. Granted he’s a rookie so I’ll cut him a break here. Razor does manage to get a bad Edge on him but sans tag, Bulldog comes in to beat on Razor instead.

Kid and Sid come out and trip Razor, leading to the powerslam and a 3-1 disadvantage. It’s Yoko vs. Shawn, Bulldog and Ahmed for those idiots out there keeping score. They mention that the next night it would be Shawn vs. Owen on Raw, which is the infamous black out match which led to the Rumble return and victory for Shawn.

Ahmed comes in and slams Yoko (kind of) but the Bulldog breaks it up. Shawn and Ahmed end him, leading to sweet chin music and a splash from Ahmed which for some reason comes with a scream while he’s in the air to end this.

Rating: C+. The wrestling was ok, but I have no clue what the point of this was. It’s one of those matches where it’s just thrown out there to see if it works and apparently they didn’t think it did because it was never seen again as far as I can remember. The psychology was all screwed up here since it was faces and heels together which throws everything off. This was an ok concept on paper, but in reality it was a failure to me.

We kill some more time with Sunny sitting on the fake President’s lap. This is stupid.

We recap Diesel vs. Bret which is part three of a trilogy apparently. I have issues with a trilogy going nearly a year, but whatever. Bret points out that he’ll have the advantage in a longer match, while Nash points out that he is going to try to knock Bret out. That makes sense. Bret says Diesel has been walking about with his title. That makes a bit of sense because Bret got one rematch but there was no winner. That kind of makes sense I guess.

The announcers talk about who will win.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Diesel

Bret gets a ridiculous pop. The announcer calls this the WWF’s Championship. It just sounded weird. Bret is still the only man that can make pink look intimidating. Apparently this is no holds barred which I think was mentioned earlier. Both guys pull a turnbuckle pad off. Yeah it’s no holds barred. They imply they might run out of PPV time, which is a rarity but can happen.

Bret goes for the leg but Diesel immediately goes for a power move. That makes a lot of sense actually as Diesel has the mindset of he can’t get caught with a bad leg. The announcers mention that this could go anywhere which pretty much guarantees that it won’t. Bret keeps running from him which again kind of makes sense as he’s trying to run Diesel down and avoid the big power moves.

Of course Vince thinks Bret is wrong here. I’m sure Vince is right here. After all he’s a former WWF Champion remember? They’re starting really slowly here which is ok I guess. Bret is in trouble and that means it’s a good thing. He’s one of the best ever at just getting beaten up which happens even more with Diesel beating on him with a chair. Back in the ring, Diesel goes for the Jackknife but Bret grabs the leg. That’s so basic it’s amazing.

Bret finally gets to the knee as they try to make this sound like it’s about survival. Perfect says that everyone is the same when they’re on the mat. No not really as Diesel is still really tall. Ross says this is vintage Hart which has now entered the lexicon of wrestling jokes. We hit the figure four so at least the thought process is solid here. Diesel gets the ropes and Bret doesn’t let go. It’s no DQ so what can the referee even do? Not anything when you think about it.

Naturally Bret lets it go because he’s just a nice guy I guess. Bret finds a cord at ringside and ties one end to the post and the other to Diesel’s leg. He can naturally tie knots. He used to be a cowboy after all. Nash fights out of it though so there’s no point to that whole sequence. Now Bret gets a chair, which makes sense because all that cowboy stuff must have worn him out. Diesel’s leg is still tied as he knocks Bret down.

Ok Bret pops right back up and hits him with the chair. Bret gets crotched on the top rope and slammed off as Diesel finally unties himself. Ross suggests that Bret was a boy scout since that was a great knot. No Jim, he was COWBOY BRET HART! Bret goes chest first into the exposed turnbuckle and Vince says he should give up right now, and Vince would know all about when Bret should quit. He would prove that in two years.

Diesel puts Bret in the same position for the 619 and tries to run back and jump on him but he can’t because of the leg. Instead he just jumps in the air and crashes down on him. That’s both smart and stupid at the same time. If his leg is hurt, how can he jump? However, it’s smart because it’s an intelligent and innovative move.

Nash takes a head first shot to the exposed buckle. Perfect says this is a great fight and he’s correct. It’s a bad match though. Bret is in control now as we’re running out of time. He hits that perfect Russian leg sweep of his. I love that move. With Diesel on the floor, Bret goes for a pescado but over rotates and crashes badly. As he’s trying to get back in, Bret gets knocked to the floor through the Spanish Announce Table which deserves its own place in the hall of fame.

This was a new thing at the time so that was considered a huge spot. It’s just a run of the mill table and not the kind they have now so this looks and sounds a lot better than the traditional kind. Back in the ring Bret collapses as Diesel goes for the Jackknife. He picks Bret up again and there is the small package for the title. Diesel calls Bret a few profane words after this before jackknifing Bret in half. He also hits two refs which stuns Ross as Diesel turns heel. We get a recap of the show as we’re done.

Rating: C+. Like Perfect and I combined to say, it was a good fight but not a good match. There’s no flow to this at all as it’s just almost random spots going back and forth. It felt like an Attitude Era title match, which is fine if you’re Austin or someone like that, but Bret didn’t need to use that style and it failed to me. Still, it’s entertaining enough I guess, but I’m rarely a fan of no holds barred matches for the title. It just isn’t my thing. It was ok, but far from great.

Overall Rating: B-. This show is the epitome of just barely above average. There’s some good stuff here but there’s also some bad stuff. There really isn’t a truly bad match outside of arguably the women’s match, but that was something that is going to be loved by marks and hated by smarks so there we go. Other than that, this is pretty good I suppose. The title change was big as it ended a year long run.

Other than that, the matches are all at least decent, but nothing really jumps off the page as great. It’s good for a one time view, but it’s not likely to be something you’re going to watch more than once. Granted I think that has to do with the company as a whole at this point as very little was going right around this time. Still, it’s ok, but like I said don’t get your hopes up.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Survivor Series 1994
Date: November 23, 1994
Location: Freeman Coliseum, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Gorilla Monsoon

Things weren’t all that great for the WWF at this time but Bret was doing well enough as the top man. However, they still needed someone new to come along and supplement him. That name would come soon, but for now it’s still Bret defending the championship against a guy who wasn’t very interesting in the eyes of a lot of younger fans. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from earlier today of the team captains giving their teams pep talks.

Gorilla and Vince are dressed as cowboys. Gorilla looks like he could almost pull the look off but Vince looks like a schnook.

Teamsters vs. Bad Guys

Teamsters: Diesel, Shawn Michaels, Owen Hart, Jim Neidhart, Jeff Jarrett

Bad Guys: Razor Ramon, 1-2-3 Kid, British Bulldog, Headshrinkers

Diesel and Shawn are Tag Team Champions but they’ve having issues. Owen and Neidhart are a semi-regular tag team. This version of the Headshrinkers is Fatu and Sione, more famous as the Barbarian. Razor is Intercontinental Champion as is his custom. Shawn keeps slipping in front of Diesel to steal the spotlight. That’ll become important later.

It takes a while to decide who starts before we get Kid vs. Owen. This should be good. Before there’s any contact it’s off to Neidhart which won’t be as interesting. Neidhart hits a shoulder block to start but gets dropkicked down. Another shoulder gives Neidhart control though and it’s off to Jarrett. Things speed up a bit and Jarrett loses the advantage Neidhart got him.

Off to Sione, who is someone I’ve talked about before but I’ll do it again here. This guy continuously had work for nearly fifteen years, which is impressive when you consider how basic the main character he played was. The guy was always around though other than in the dying days of WCW. Anyway here he gets dropkicked in the back but powers out of the cover with ease.

Off to Owen who wants the Bulldog. Davey comes in to a big ovation and they trade insane counters to wristlocks. Owen gets catapulted into the good guy corner, which is actually the Bad Guy corner, but the Bad Guys are the good guys in the match if that makes sense. Bulldog gets kicked in the face by Hart and it’s off to Neidhart for a double clothesline. Then Bulldog hits a double clothesline on Hart and Jim, followed by the delayed vertical on Neidhart.

Fatu hits a top rope headbutt for no cover. Instead he tries to take his own boot off because he’s used to wrestling barefoot. Jarrett comes in and is immediately powerslammed before it’s off to Razor. Jeff immediately bails and it’s Razor vs….Jarrett still. Double J takes Razor to the mat and MESSES WITH HIS HAIR! Oh he’s so EVIL! A big right hand by Razor staggers Jeff and a clothesline puts him on the floor. This is a very hot crowd so far.

Back in and Jarrett escapes an atomic drop and punches Razor in the face to get himself in even more trouble. Off to the Kid who Razor gives a fall away slam to send him straight into Jeff in a cool move. Jeff hooks an abdominal stretch with some cheating from Shawn. That eventually gets caught and the Kid hooks a stretch of his own which doesn’t last long. Off to Fatu vs. Owen but all of the Canadian offense results in Samoan dancing.

A blind tag is made to Diesel and it’s a clothesline and a Jackknife to take out Fatu. Kid runs in and hits a dropkick but a top rope sunset flip is easily countered into a chokebomb. Jackknife finishes Kid a second later. Here’s Sione to pound away but he can only stagger the big man. ANOTHER Jackknife makes it 5-2. Diesel put out three guys in 70 seconds. Bulldog comes in and pounds away but a big boot puts Smith on the floor where he brawls with Owen to a countout.

So it’s Ramon vs. all five guys and he starts with Diesel. A discus punch puts Diesel down as does a middle rope bulldog. Diesel gets a clothesline in to take Razor down and Shawn screams for a Jackknife. The future Outsiders slug it out but Diesel drops him on the buckle in a snake eyes. Ramon comes back with a slam and calls for the Edge but Diesel easily backdrops him down. A big boot puts Razor down and there’s the Jackknife.

NOW Shawn wants in but he asks Diesel to hold Razor. Those of you paying attention should know what’s coming, and there it is as Shawn superkicks Diesel by mistake. This has happened a few times before and Diesel is MAD. Diesel destroys the rest of his team and stalks Shawn up the aisle. Ramon is the only one left in the ring and somehow the countout eliminates EVERYONE on the Teamsters to make Razor the sole survivor.

Rating: C. This was all angle and not much wrestling. This was the big face turn for Diesel which would result in the World Title very soon after this. It was a face turn that made sense too as he was tired of Shawn telling him what to do and getting hurt as a result, so he gave up and went after Shawn. Ticked off giants are very fun, so the first few months of Diesel Power were fun stuff. It was the other eight or nine months that stopped being fun.

Shawn leaves in the back and says Diesel is nothing without him. Diesel is on his way to Shawn’s car. Shawn speeds away, which would actually dissolve the team and vacate the Tag Team Titles in the process.

Royal Family vs. Clowns R Us

Royal Family: Jerry Lawler, Queasy, Sleazy, Cheesy

Clowns R Us: Doink, Dink, Wink, Pink

We’ve got midgets. Great. In case you can’t tell, they’re three small Lawlers and three small clowns. Lawler tells the fans to NOT chant Burger King at him, because he’s a master at baiting a crowd you know. The big guys start and guess what the fans are chanting. Here’s the first ten minutes of the match: Lawler and Doink do something, Jerry takes over, the small clowns interfere and Lawler gets mad and loses the advantage.

Lawler tries an enziguri but Doink ducks to send Jerry hiding in his corner. Jerry yells at his partners and the Clowns are all laying on the ropes. Jerry gets Doink down and has the small Lawlers run over him. They make faces at the clowns then run back over Doink and crash in a pile. Keep I mind that these other kings have facial and chest hair. Jerry yells at them again and it’s back to the big guys fighting some more.

The small clowns all come in and cover Jerry with Doink counting. Lawler is all ticked off so they do the EXACT SAME SEQUENCE with Jerry counting Doink’s shoulders. Jerry can’t catch Cheesy when Doink kicks him off so Cheesy gets a two count on Lawler with Dink counting. Doink puts a Burger King crown on Lawler to make him even madder. Dink gets on Doink’s shoulders and (this isn’t a typo) Jerry gets on Sleazy’s shoulders which goes as well as you would expect it to.

The big guys have a test of strength and it turns into a big crisscross between the little guys. Lawler gets a non-existent foreign object to take over but it’s time for a chase scene! Jerry reverses a cross body and rolls up Doink with a handful of tights to eliminate the big guy. Lawler isn’t allowed to be in the ring with one of the smaller guys so the match is in essence over already.

It’s Queasy vs. Dink to start the second half of the match and Dink gets his arm bitten. Queasy gets his tights bitten as does Lawler. Now it’s Cheesy vs. Wink with Wink pulling on the beard. Lawler blocks a monkey flip and Cheesy pins Wink off a rollup. A minute later, Lawler drops Cheesy on Pink from six feet in the air for the pin and it’s Dink vs. all four of them. Pink hides under the ring instead of leaving as Dink beats up all three little guys. A top rope cross body looks to pin Cheesy but Lawler makes the save. Sleazy gets the easy pin to win it.

Rating: S. As in stupider, which I now am having watched this. Last year’s show at least had full sized people in there having these matches and it only ran ten minutes. This ran SIXTEEN MINUTES and wasted Jerry freaking Lawler on it. I’ll take ANYTHING after this and like it more than this.

Jerry says he won the match and not the other ones. They celebrate anyway and Lawler keeps yelling, so they turn on him and the clowns join in for a six on one beatdown. The big payoff is Doink hitting Lawler with a pie. This ran nearly TWENTY MINUTES out of a two hour and forty minute show.

We get clips of Alundra Blayze vs. Bull Nakano in Tokyo with Nakano winning the Women’s Title in front of 45,000 people. I’ve never seen it but I’ve heard that match was awesome. Nakano comes in and speaks some Japanese. Todd (Petingill, this generation’s Josh Matthews/Matt Striker) does the stupid thing where he speaks loudly because all foreigners are apparently deaf.

WWF World Title: Bob Backlund vs. Bret Hart

Bret is defending and this is a submission match. This is a special kind of submission match though as both guys have seconds and you have to throw in the towel to end the match. Bret has British Bulldog and Backlund has Owen Hart. Backlund was making a comeback in his 40s and was a plucky face before going completely insane and claiming that he was still champion from when his reign ended in 1983 because his manager threw in the towel and he never gave up. Bret and Owen’s parents are in the crowd. Remember that.

Backlund charges at Bret but gets hipblocked down a few times. Bret headbutts him to the floor and elbowed upon return. Hart hits something like an elevated bulldog (think Orton’s hanging DDT) to take over on the mat. Off to a chinlock which evolves into a headlock. Gorilla talks about how Bulldog beat Bret for the Intercontinental Title in 1992 to try to draw in some tension. Backlund tries to take him to the mat but Bret puts the headlock back on. Bob tries to get the chickenwing on but Bret suplexes him down.

Sharpshooter doesn’t work so Bret goes with a front facelock instead. Off to an abdominal stretch by the Hitman but Bob escapes and goes after the left arm. The chickenwing is escaped again (Backlund’s finisher is a Cross Face Chickenwing) so Bob bends the arm around the ropes. Off to an armbar on the mat but Bret nips up. Backlund drills Bret to the floor but Hart gets the advantage out there.

Back in and Backlund puts the arm on as the fans all chant LET’S GO BRET. The armbar stays on for a good while (as in like five minutes) before Bret escapes with an atomic drop. Bret can’t get the Sharpshooter but he settles for the Figure Four. This hold stays on for a while also and Bob gives up but Owen has to throw in the towel. Backlund tells Owen to throw it in but Owen won’t do it.

Backlund finally turns it over and Owen tells Bulldog to throw it in. Bret reverses it back but Backlund gets to a rope. Bret stays on the leg but can’t get the Sharpshooter. Backlund grabs a piledriver out of nowhere and momentum shifts again. Bob goes for the chickenwing but Bret gets to the ropes. We’re about twenty minutes into this and it feels like about half of that. The fans are still WAY behind Bret here which is a good sign.

Back to the arm but Backlund misses a charge and goes shoulder first into the post. Bret blocks another piledriver attempt but hooks a sleeper, which is broken pretty fast because it’s not really a submission move. They hit head to head and both guys go down. For a guy who was about 45 at this point, Backlund has looked great. Now Bret piledrives Bob and hits a bulldog to take over.

The Five Moves Of Doom culminate with the Sharpshooter but Owen runs in to deck his brother and break up the hold. Now we get to the turning point of the match as Davey charges at Owen but misses and rams his own head into the steps. He’s out cold and there’s no one to throw in Bret’s towel. Owen panics and the distraction lets Backlund put on the full chickenwing even though Bret had his hand on the rope at the beginning of the hold and a rope break was used earlier in the match but I digress.

Backlund has the hold on in the middle of the ring as Owen begins to get concerned about Bret. He says he’s sorry and Backlund takes Bret down to the mat with the hold. Smith still hasn’t moved and Bret is trying to fight up. Bret gets to his feet but can’t get the rope as Backlund pulls him down and puts on the bodyscissors along with the hold. Owen starts crying, which Vince declares the TRUE Owen.

Vince says you can lose if you say you quit, which goes against what we saw earlier with Backlund but it’s the WWF so you can’t count on continuity. We go split screen to look at Bret’s parents as Bret has been in this hold for over four minutes. Owen goes over to plead to his mom (not Stu because Stu is smarter than this) as Bret is in agony. Bret taps but that doesn’t mean anything yet. The hold has now been on for six straight minutes and the fans are still behind Bret. The maniacal look on Bob’s face as he pulls on the arm is great.

Owen begs his mom for help again and opens the barricade to bring his parents to ringside. Stu still doesn’t seem to buy anything Owen is saying. Owen picks up Bret’s towel and says for Helen to throw it in but Stu says no way. Owen gets the fans to cheer for Helen to throw in the towel and after nine and a half minutes in the hold, Helen takes the towel from Stu and throws it in, giving Backlund the title and STUNNING the fans. Owen throws his arms in the air and celebrates, sprinting to the back in triumph, because it was a SWERVE.

Rating: A. This match definitely isn’t for everyone, but if you’re a fan of old school matches and psychology, you’re going to love this. The whole thing is an intricate story with the execution being done perfectly (or with excellence if you like plays on catchphrases). Bret and Backlund are both master technicians so the in ring stuff is as close to flawless as you’re going to get. The stuff with Owen is great too and the whole match is almost perfect. It runs about thirty five minutes though and if you’re not a fan of mat stuff and building to a big finish, you’re going to hate this.

One other thing: I’d like to point out that Davey Boy Smith has been out cold for almost eleven minutes now, hasn’t moved an inch, and is likely clinically dead yet hasn’t received any attention at all. Owen stepped over him about four times in the whole sequence.

Backlund’s face as he’s awarded the title is amazing as he looks somewhat demented which pointing at himself. This is one of those moments where you look at the card on paper and say “well of course Bret retains. There’s no way they would make Backlund champion.” And then they DID and it was a legit shock. Backlund looks maniacal and the image of a plain guy in blue trunks being champion is kind of awesome as he’s all dangerous while looking nuts.

Owen celebrates in the back and cuts a great evil promo talking about how he’s the real king now and Bret is a nobody. This was the culmination of an incredible feud that ran for about a year.

Million Dollar Team vs. Guts And Glory

Million Dollar Team: Tatanka, King King Bundy, Bam Bam Bigelow, Heavenly Bodies

Guts and Glory: Lex Luger, Adam Bomb, Mabel, Smoking Gunns

This is DiBiase’s team (DiBiase had hurt his neck and had to retire) vs. Luger in a continuation of a long feud. DiBiase had said that Luger had sold out and Tatanka, Luger’s friend, believed DiBiase. This led to a match at Summerslam where it turned out that TATANKA had been bought off in a swerve I liked a lot. This is Luger’s chance for revenge again. The Gunns are a pair of cowboys named Billy and Bart.

Luger and Tatanka start things off, much to Tatanka’s surprise. Tatanka takes over to start and chops away but the ones to the chest don’t work on Luger. Lex no sells a suplex and pounds away with all his usual stuff. A clothesline puts Tatanka on the floor so here’s Del Ray to get beaten up too. Mabel and Bundy come in but it’s just a staredown as it’s back to the starters. Now it’s officially Mabel vs. Prichard with the big man missing an elbow. Prichard pounds away but a middle rope cross body to the 500lb Mable goes badly with the splash crushing Prichard for the pin.

It’s 5-4 now and Del Ray comes in for some dropkicks and no effect. A Boss Man Slam takes Jimmy down so it’s off to Bundy vs. Mabel. They collide a few times until Mabel runs him over. Off to Bigelow who gets beaten down and Mabel goes up, only to get slammed down in a cool visual. Bigelow goes up for a sunset flip but Mabel sits on his chest for no cover. A Cactus Clothesline sends them both to the floor and Mabel can’t beat the count back in to tie things up.

Off to Billy Gunn vs. Del Ray which goes nowhere so here’s Bomb vs. Bigelow. This takes about 30 seconds with Bomb hitting a slingshot clothesline but getting hit in the head by Bundy. A moonsault from Bigelow takes Bomb out and it’s 4-3. Luger comes in immediately and tries a rollup but it just gets two. Off to Del Ray who hits a fast superkick to take Lex down. After some right hands from Jimmy, a running forearm smash catches him in the head and Luger ties it up.

It’s Tatanka/Bigelow/Bundy vs. Luger/Smoking Gunns. We start with Bart vs. Tatanka before Billy comes in for a double Russian legsweep for two. The Gunns pound away on Tatanka for a little while with Bart and his mullet of death hitting a monkey flip for two. The Sidewinder (side slam from Bart with a legdrop from Billy) gets two and it’s back to Bart who apparently doesn’t think well on his feet, as he tries a crucifix on a guy whose finisher is a Samoan drop. Later Bart and it’s 3-2.

Billy vs. Tatanka goes nowhere so it’s back to Luger. Billy comes in and hip tosses Tatanka for two and an elbow drop gets the same. Luger and Gunn take turns on Tatanka’s arm until Billy gets caught in a powerslam. Off to Bundy who hits a splash and elbow to get us down to Luger vs. Bigelow, Bundy and Tatanka. It’s Luger vs. King Kong now but Lex goes after Tatanka because he’s not that bright at times.

Luger gets caught in the evil corner and we play the numbers game for awhile. Luger hits a forearm to Tatanka but only gets two. A sunset flip almost gets a pin on Tatanka but a tag was made on the way down to bring in Bigelow. Bundy drops an elbow for two and Lex is in trouble. Bigelow drops a headbutt for a VERY fast two. DiBiase talks trash as it’s off to Bundy for more fat man offense.

Bundy drops an elbow for two as we’re reenacting the main event of the first Survivor Series, complete with two of the original people in it. Back to Tatanka who gets two off a powerslam and drops a bunch of elbows. In a stupid looking yet still good ending, Luger gets a fast small package for the pin on Tatanka, then lays down on the mat so Bundy can splash him for the final elimination. That looked stupid.

Rating: C. This wasn’t that bad actually and the ending was a nice surprise. There was no reason to have Luger make the superhero comeback here and having him lose was the right move. The feud didn’t really go anywhere after this and was more or less the ending of it. Luger’s collapse after Summerslam 1993 is a sight to see given how hot he was during the summer after his face turn.

A group beatdown on Lex follows the match. The Gunns and Bomb make the save.

Backlund has a press conference and says he’s going to homogenize and synchronize the fans. It’s time for Sports Education and he’s been champion for sixteen years now. I love this character, which is a shame because he would lose the title to Diesel less than a week later in eight seconds.

Here’s Chuck Norris to be guest referee for the main event.

Quick recap before we get to casket match. This is a rematch of a casket match at the Royal Rumble (don’t get me started on that mess) where about ten guys came out to help Yokozuna beat Undertaker. Norris is here to stop interference.

Yokozuna vs. Undertaker

This is a casket match where you have to throw your opponent in the casket and close it to win. Druids bring out the casket of course. Yoko is so fat here it’s unreal. Undertaker does the throat slit from across the ring and Yokozuna falls down. A splash in the corner is no sold by Undertaker but the fat man stops before he gets thrown to the casket. Yokozuna winds up on top of the casket to further freak him out.

They fight to the floor with Undertaker in control. Back inside Old School staggers Yokozuna but he catches Undertaker in a Samoan Drop. Undertaker doesn’t sell it but the move did hit. A headbutt puts Undertaker down but he won’t go in the casket. Back in and Undertaker misses an elbow but sits up anyway. A Rock Bottom puts Undertaker down and Yokozuna drops a leg while he’s sitting up to keep the Dead Man down.

Undertaker gets put in the casket but he blocks it from being closed. They both wind up in the box and slug it out but Mr. Fuji pulls Undertaker’s hair to break things up. Cornette (Yokozuna’s other manager) gets drilled as well and we head back inside. Yokozuna sends him back to the floor and rams Undertaker into the steps (from inside the ring, which is kind of impressive). Back inside and they slug it out with Undertaker slamming the fat man’s head into the mat.

Undertaker goes up and hits a top rope clothesline to put Yokozuna down. As he’s rolling the bigger man over, here’s King Kong Bundy to glare at Norris. Bigelow comes out as well but nothing comes of it. Nothing comes of it on their end at least as IRS comes in and beats up Undertaker, which would also set up the Undertaker vs. DiBiase’s Corporation feud for 1995. Undertaker gets put in the casket but by the time Yoko gets there he can’t close the lid. Jeff Jarrett comes out to challenge Norris and gets kicked in the chest. Undertaker hits a DDT and a big boot to send Yokozuna into the casket for the win.

Rating: D. This was really dull stuff and the ending was never in doubt. Yokozuna was worthless at this point as he was too fat to move. This was the last we would see of him until Wrestlemania where he came back EVEN BIGGER. Norris didn’t really add much here but the fans liked him and that’s all that really matters. Thankfully this feud ended here.

Overall Rating: C-. This isn’t a terrible show but there are some bad parts to it. The interesting thing is that in a lot of parts, this is a sequel of last year’s show. Last year we heard rumblings of Shawn being the REAL Intercontinental Champion and he was facing Razor here, Undertaker vs. Yokozuna is a direct continuation, and Bret vs. Owen started at the 93 show and it’s almost over here (they would interact at the Rumble and have one big blowoff match after that). Anyway, this isn’t bad but a lot of people would be bored by the title match, which is understandable. Not a great show but it’s watchable, except for the clowns.

Ratings Comparison

Teamsters vs. Bad Guys

Original: C-

Redo: C

Royal Family vs. Clowns R Us

Original: G (as in below an F)

Redo: S

Bob Backlund vs. Bret Hart

Original: A

Redo: A

Million Dollar Team vs. Guts and Glory

Original: C-

Redo: C

Undertaker vs. Yokozuna

Original: D+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: C-

That’s probably as close as any of these second looks are going to go.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/13/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-mr-bob-backlund-and-chuck-norris/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series 1994
Date: November 23, 1994
Location: Freeman Coliseum, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Gorilla Monsoon

Given that commentary team, I’m a bit worried. Your main match here is Taker vs. Yoko in a rematch of the Rumble’s casket match where something like 10 guys beat up Taker and caused him to be taken out of the company for about three or four months. Tonight the guest referee is Chuck Norris. Nope I’m not making that up and I guarantee there will be a ton of jokes about it.

Other than that we have Bret Hart vs. Bob Backlund for the WWF Title which is an I Quit match where someone has to throw in the towel for you, which is how Backlund lost the title back in the early 80s. Other than that we have three Survivor Series matches which don’t look very appealing.

I think they finally got the balance right here with two singles matches that were huge and the rest were traditional matches. It looks ok on paper and since this is my second time reviewing it, I know it’s at least pretty good. Let’s see if it’s as good as it was four days ago.

We open with clips of all the teams getting pep talks from their leaders. Shawn is very cocky, which would come into play later on. Lawler is the only captain that doesn’t want a camera on these meetings. Since we’re in Texas, everyone is wearing a cowboy hat. Oh how I love these theme PPVs.

The announcers run down the card with Gorilla not being able to get a word in. Yep it’s going to be one of those kinds of nights. As Fink introduces the first team, he’s really hard to understand. If I didn’t know what to listen for I’d be completely lost here.

Teamsters vs. Bad Guys

Teamsters: Shawn Michaels, Diesel, Owen Hart, Jim Neidhart, Jeff Jarrett
Bad Guys: Razor Ramon, 1-2-3 Kid, British Bulldog, Fatu, Sionne

Sionne is the Barbarian replacing Samu. Your feuds line up like this: Razor vs. Diesel, since Razor took the IC belt from him about a month or so prior to this. That’s about it really. Oh Bulldog is there because of Owen and Neidhart. Other than that, yeah there’s no feuds or drama going on at all that I can remember. On the way to the ring, Shawn dives in front of Diesel to be in the spotlight. They’re tag champions at the time. Oh that’s right.

They took the belts from the Headshrinkers so that’s at least most of the team. Vince says that Survivor Series only comes once a year. Well yeah so does every other day of the year but we don’t have a freaking PPV for it. Although I have a feeling that if Vince could get away with it he’d try to. Gorilla trying to sound like a cowboy is rather amusing. Vince and Gorilla argue over who the captain is. Shawn is really turning into the heel that he would become famous as.

Gorilla is once again glad he retired. Did this guy hate his career or something? In a running story of this match, Fatu is having trouble with his new boots. He was barefoot for years and apparently wearing boots is a plot point to a match now. Yep that makes great sense. They mention that they can’t find Jarrett’s new CD anywhere as Gorilla continues his love affair with kayfabe.

You know, Barbarian really wasn’t that bad of a worker. He had more or less the same gimmick with a few minor tweaks for his entire career and he always managed to find work. Sure he’s generic but he stuck with his stuff and he got steady work out of it. That’s really all you can ask for isn’t it? We get Owen vs. Bulldog which is of course great. Owen is now the Rocket King. Yeah that’s not a weird name at all.

If there has ever been a match of two guys that could have been world champion but never could pull it off, this is it. Bulldog does that delayed suplex on Anvil which is rather impressive. The faces have momentum so naturally, they stop things dead for another foot issue with Fatu. Jarrett and Razor go at it for awhile, which was a very good feud actually.

Shawn’s hair is ridiculously short here. He almost looks like Rick Rude if that tells you anything. Jarrett really was good in the ring. For some reason people never took to him as a superstar. I think it was the singing thing. It’s sad to hear Gorilla not be able to get more than a few lines in at a time. Vince insists that he is the best commentator of all time and he’s going to make sure you know it too.

The heels do a lot of harmless standard stuff on the Kid that isn’t really interesting at all. Diesel finally comes in and within two and a half minutes he’s eliminated everyone but Razor. It’s three jackknives and a shot that leads to a count out. That makes it 5-1 with Razor being the only guy left. As you can tell Diesel is an absolute freak at this point in time. Shawn yells at Diesel to stay in the match.

Razor is beating Diesel who to be fair is worn out at this point since he can’t buy a tag. Diesel hits the jackknife and Razor is dead. Shawn gets in for the first time and he wants Razor held up for the kick. You know what’s coming here and yep, Shawn kicks Diesel. Now the cool part: Diesel doesn’t go down. He goes to one knee, but the kick doesn’t knock him completely down. Diesel is TICKED. He goes after Shawn who runs.

The rest of his team tries to calm him down with Owen and Jarrett screaming that they need to get back before they lose. Shawn gets counted out and apparently that’s enough to eliminate all five guys and yes, Razor wins like that. Ok, let’s see why this is stupid. Number one, only Shawn was legal. If he’s the only one legal, then another ten count should have started up. Now if no one else got in before that, then sure it’s a count out.

Also, if Jarrett and Hart were so worried, why didn’t one of them run back? That would at least have made sense. This was just an odd ending. No scratch that. It was a freaking stupid ending. What was the plan here? Was this supposed to be intelligent?

To be fair though, this really did look cool and was a good face turn as this was I think the third time that this had happened. The people were getting behind Diesel at the time and they pulled the trigger on him at the perfect time. Even the fans don’t sound thrilled about Razor, the biggest face in the match, winning like this though. That’s just never a good sign.

Rating: C-. It was ok at best before Diesel got in there but then he stole the show. This was a rollercoaster of a match with no eliminations for 13 minutes then four in less than three then five at once. That’s a bit too much over the top stuff for my taste. The in ring work was solid, but this was just for Shawn and Diesel and the face turn, so that’s all fine and good I guess. It wasn’t bad, but this could have been better. I’m just not sure how.

Todd is in the back with Pettingill as he’s leaving the arena. He says that he made Diesel and that he got stabbed in the back. He throws down the belt thereby vacating them and drives off as Vince tells Todd that Diesel is on the way. Ok wait. First of all, why is Vince telling Todd this? Couldn’t it just have gone to Todd?

I know Vince likes to be involved in everything but this is ridiculous. Second, Shawn had time to get his bag, stop to talk to Todd, walk with Todd, get in his car, talk to Todd more, and Diesel was just on his way? Did he stop to have a taco or something?

Royal Family vs. Clowns R Us

Royal Family: Jerry Lawler, Cheesy, Queasy, Sleazy
Clowns R Us: Doink, Dink, Wink, Pink

Yes this is a midget match. They have three guys that look like them and yeah, that’s about it. Lawler is borderline abusive to his guys though. Since this match completely sucks, here’s the short version: Doink and Lawler do maybe a single move and then the small guys run in for a comedy spot. It’s high class stuff like running over and making faces at the other team and then running back to their corner. Yep it’s one of those kinds of matches.

The commentators imply that the kings are kids, despite them having FACIAL HAIR. To prove the stupidity of this match, the announcers point out that when one of the big guys is pinned, the guy that pins him is in essence eliminated too since it can only be big vs. big and little vs. little. This comedy stuff goes on for about ten minutes. That’s just freaking stupid. The holds and moves they do are things like armbars and wristlocks too.

While they’re on the mat, the guys run back and forth and all six run over Lawler. I wish I had a gun so I could shoot either myself or the screen. And now the six all run over Doink. All this is done to make faces at each other. Yes I hate this match quite a bit. Why do we always have to have these comedy matches? There’s never a point to them and only Vince likes them. I hate this so much. Oh look, it’s a Burger King crown. This is just so funny. How did Lawler get here? He had a career.

Dink wants to fight Lawler, so he gets on Doink’s shoulders. Lawler counters by getting on one of the small king’s shoulders. I’ll give you two guesses as to how this goes. It’s been only the two big guys the whole match. We get a random Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade ad as apparently the WWF has a part of a float. I don’t care either. As we get a test of strength, it’s a double criss cross by the midgets. Take me now.

One of them gives Lawler an object and he nails Doink. You would think that would be the pin but nope, it’s time for more comedy. I feel like I’m at a bad circus. Instead Doink goes on offense and it takes a reversed cross body to eliminate him. Over the next five minutes it’s the clowns getting beaten after cheating from Lawler. Of this whole thing, only Dink is actually entertaining.

His offense makes sense, he’s energetic, he plays to the crowd and he’s not boring. That’s such a nice change of pace. Of course Lawler’s team gets the clean sweep. Afterwards he takes credit for the whole thing and all six guys come after him which is just rather stupid. To end this awfulness, Doink comes back and pies Lawler. Yep, that’s how it ends.

Rating: G. That’s below an F. That sums it up I’d think. Dink gets a passing grade. He was actually really fun and entertaining. That might be because it was actual wrestling, but I could be wrong.

We hear about the Women’s Title change three days ago in Japan where Alundra Blayze lost to Bull Nakano. I haven’t seen it but from what I’ve heard it was a great one. Wouldn’t it be great to either see the match or a rematch or something instead of what we just sat through? Nope apparently that wasn’t good enough though, so instead we have Lawler getting pied by a clown. Nakano is here, so why can’t we have the match? I hate Vince at times.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Bob Backlund

The deal here is that Backlund says that since he never gave up in 83, he never should have lost the title and therefore has had a 13 year title reign (he had the belt for two years when he lost it). He also says there’s no counter for the Cross Face Chicken Wing while Hart says that everything has a counter. Owen and Bulldog are the respective seconds and one of them have to throw in the towel to get the win.

Both have sworn they won’t do it. By those rules, regular submissions don’t count so you can give up all you want and it won’t count. That….is kind of stupid. They start out rather hot and fast which would be the peak of that aspect of the match. Bret uses a heabutt a lot. Has he ever gotten hurt using one of those? Not that I remember at least. We’re already on the mat as they actually compare the resumes of these two, and I think Backlund is slightly in the lead.

Six years as world champion is very hard to ignore. They mention a poll that was taken and 79% say that the Chicken Wing is the better hold? Gorilla, much like myself, refuses to believe that. They’re doing a very slow start here as Stu and Helen are watching from ringside. This is a bit odd as Bret will do…HOLY CRAP! Bret put on the abdominal stretch and Monsoon DIDN’T COMPLAIN!

That has never happened before and will likely never happen again. Dang I need a stiff drink after that. Orange juice will do fine. Anyway, as I was saying before I had my heart attack, Bret is doing a bunch of submission stuff and then Backlund will go for the chicken wing. That’s a bit of a cool idea I think with Bret being the master of all submissions and Bob being the guy with one big home run hitting move that he knows will win him the title if he can get it.

The impressive thing here though is that Bob is not only hanging with Bret here but at times flat out beating him. That’s saying a lot for someone that wasn’t a regular wrestler for years on end. Vince says that Bret doesn’t know how to submit. How amusing is it that he says this about Bret at the Survivor Series? Apparently Vince is right here though since Bret never did give up.

It never ceases to amaze me how much a few years can change things and how ironic so many of these lines would eventually become and now are in hindsight. Now for a nice change of pace, Backlund does a lot of mat work on Bret. He works over his arm, which makes sense for a change. Bret hits the post shoulder first in one of the most time honored bumps ever. That’s been used for years and it still works to this day.

Bret keeps trying to make his comebacks but Bob keeps taking him down, seemingly with ease. That’s the mark of a great wrestler: he can do his stuff and make it look easy. Now we get to what is likely the stupidest part of the match as Bret makes his traditional comeback and puts on his other submission hold: the figure four. Now this is fine, but Backlund gives up. However, the match doesn’t end because Owen refuses to throw in the towel.

So in other words, Bret has won the submission match, but he didn’t do it properly? Yeah that just sounds stupid. IN other words, you could just get some jerk to be the towel guy and then break your opponent’s leg or something, but since the towel isn’t thrown in it means nothing? Yeah that makes great sense.

I have to give the fans this: for a match that’s about 90% mat work, they’re staying interested. Hopefully this Sunday at Breaking Point (this is Thursday, three days before that), that’s what happens too. Backlund manages to reverse it for all of a minute. Bret gets ready for the Sharpshooter but Bob is back in it. Oh never mind no he’s not. Gorilla is finally able to talk a bit as Backlund actually wins a fist fight here. He’s quite underrated.

He follows it with a piledriver as I’m impressed by this guy. Bob works on the arm even more and the selling from Bret is great as he looks like he’s in agony. The fans are actually still in this too, which makes me feel better than they could actually get into very old school style like this. This is practically out of the 50s or 60s. Anyway, after another three minutes or so of getting beaten on, Bret makes probably his third comeback and gets the Sharpshooter, but Owen runs in for the save.

Bulldog chases him and we get the bit spot of the match as he freaking LUNGES at Owen but Rocket moves out of the way and Bulldog smacks the steps hard. He’s out cold, and Owen doesn’t know what to do now. As Bret looks down at this, he gets locked in the Chicken Wing. Now what follows is something you’ll hardly ever see again; Bret is in the hold for over nine minutes straight. Yes that’s correct, nine minutes. How many Raw main events don’t even get that long?

Now imagine Hart being in the same hold that long. The thing is, the fans are going to be rather bored when you think about it. Actually maybe not. Two things are going to happen here. First of all, people are going to start thinking that there’s no way that Bret is going to lose. Second, with every passing second that goes by, the people start thinking that any second now it’s going to happen, and that build up even more tension.

That is actually something close to brilliant when you think about it. After the first four minutes or so, Owen begins pleading with his family to save Bret and saying that he didn’t mean for this to happen. Ok wait a minute. If Owen is trying to get his parents to throw in the towel, doesn’t that mean that it doesn’t have to be the predetermined towel thrower?

Ok that’s all fine. However, if that’s the case, why can’t Owen just throw it in himself? Wouldn’t that make a lot more sense? Maybe because he’s the other thrower he can’t do that? That actually makes sense because if that was allowed then it would be like a Vince Russo match with one person having to throw in the other towel first to lose. But wait, if anyone can do it, why not just have a big gang come out and take the towel from Davey and throw it in?

See why I’m not a fan of this era’s booking? It has holes in it that you could drive a truck through. Anyway, Stu keeps saying no way while Helen is on the verge of screaming. Owen begs and begs, eventually getting down on his knees. As a credit to Bret, even though he’s been in this thing nearly ten minutes, the whole time he’s been trying to roll around and move a bit so that it’s not just him laying there.

That’s the mark of a great worker: the main story is on the floor because as evidenced earlier, the wrestlers can give up all they want but the towel has to be thrown in to end the match. Bret could literally lay there forever and it would have fit the rules of the match perfectly.

However, he realized that it was better to at least look like he was trying, which makes the match more believable, despite the focus not being on him at all. That’s a very nice little touch and another reason why Bret is better than you, along with getting to screw 20 year old Sunny. That makes him divine.

While this is all happening, including the pleading from Owen, Bulldog is still out like a light. He hasn’t moved in like 10 minutes and no one has come to help him. You can see him laying there out cold behind Stu while Owen is freaking out. Only in the WWF could an employee lay on the floor for that long and have no help given to him at all. Also, I think Stu has lost some age in the past year.

He looks MUCH better than he did the year before. Last year he looked like he was about 90. Now he could pass for 60 or so. That’s rather impressive. Dang he’s 79 years old at this point. I’m impressed indeed. Anyway, Helen can’t take anymore and snatches the towel away from Stu to throw it in and give Backlund the title as the fans are a combination of stunned and LIVID, but more of the former.

Bob freaking Backlund just won the world title. However, the more important thing is that as soon as they throw the towel in, Owen jumps to his feet cheering before sprinting to the back pumping his fist, revealing it was the greatest acting job since a diva had to act like Vince was hot. Bret deserves an award here for the selling. It’s amazingly great. We now get the awesomeness that is the celebration of Backlund’s victory.

He is euphoric over winning here, holding his hands up in the air and with the belt around his waist. It’s so simple but his facial expressions shove this to such a high level of awesomeness that it’s insane. Since it goes with it, I’ll include Owen’s interview as part of this. As we cut to the back, the look on the face of Owen is amazing as well.

See what happens when you give the best workers the best storylines? You get great material. Anyway, Owen admits that it was all a setup and that this is the greatest day of his life, since he’s going to get all of the titles and that he’ll never quit. His face here is mind blowingly awesome. That whole thing was epic.

Rating: A. The only thing keeping this from an A+ is some of the holes in the booking, but this was magnificent. However, I could very easily see how some people wouldn’t be into this. It’s very hit or miss and while I and most of the other old school fans would love this, a lot of people wouldn’t get why it’s great and for once, I’m perfectly fine with that. It’s not something that everyone can get into and that’s fine.

It’s a very different style than any of us are used to since it’s such an old school style. It’s the epitome of hit or miss with people likely either loving it completely or wanting a hatchet to cut out their eyes so they will be less bored. However, the stuff at the end is almost impossible to love. The emotions and acting here are top notch and the whole 45 minute plus (yes it’s that long) segment is just amazing to me, but like I said, if you disagree here, I understand for a change.

Now since I doubt most of you remember Backlund’s reign, I thought you might like to see how it ends. This is four days after Survivor Series in Madison Square Garden.

Backlund then crawled up the aisle to leave. He made Nash look like a god and it worked beautifully. However, later on he complained about how Nash took the celebration too far and didn’t show him enough respect. Dude, you’re 45 years old and more or less a novelty act who got beat in 8 seconds so that they could save Nash vs. Hart. Get over your hall of fame self.

Vince and Gorilla can’t believe it. Vince booked it, why couldn’t he believe it?

Guts N Glory vs. Million Dollar Team

Guts N Glory: Lex Luger, Mabel, Adam Bomb, Smoking Guns
Million Dollar Team: King Kong Bundy, Tatanka, Bam Bam Bigelow, Heavenly Bodies

Bundy isn’t really the captain. He’s just listed first here. I don’t think there actually was one here. This was the tail end of the awesome Tatanka vs. Luger feud, which kick started at Summerslam. The idea was simple: Tatanka and just about everyone else on the planet thought Luger had sold out to DiBiase, but there was no concrete proof. Basically DiBiase kept helping Luger, but there was never anything for sure.

Tatanka kept saying Luger did it, but Luger denied it. This led to a match at Summerslam, where in reality Tatanka was the one that had sold out all along. It was a lot better than it sounds here and that’s your main basis for this match. It’s really more DiBiase vs. Luger, but Luger had to get his army of lower midcard faces to help him out so here we are. Have I ever mentioned that I absolutely hate Men on a Mission? I absolutely loathe them.

Mo isn’t here for this, but we still get Mabel and Oscar, making M.O. out of them, so in a weird way we have all three of them. Yeah that was stupid. Luger and Tatanka start here as Vince recaps everything I just said. I beat Vince to it. Take that you old man. While Luger is getting chopped, Mable raises the roof on the apron, showing the cutting edge intellectual capacity he brings to this team. They somehow botch a clothesline where Luger hits him in the back of the head.

Pritchard comes in but before Luger kills him we get Mabel vs. Bundy. Please take me now. Wait apparently no we don’t. Ok so wait, Mabel came in and challenged Bundy, then stepped out just to come back in. Yeah I hate this match already. The crowd chants Whoop there it is. Bundy is out in less than ten seconds and Pritchard comes back in. Since he’s tiny and Mable has his own gravitational pull, this is going to be quick.

He goes to the second rope and hits a freaking CROSS BODY BLOCK onto Pritchard to kill him completely. Vince botches the call by saying that the Gigolo calls himself Del Ray. Is anyone else getting a migraine? I know I am. Somehow for the third time in four minutes we have Bundy vs. Mable.

Yep I’ll have that image in my head for the rest of the show, and somehow it’s less stupid than this. Amazingly, this showdown is awful. Let’s go to Bigelow. He has that pesky thing called talent though so he just doesn’t fit in here at all. He goes for an enziguri which misses but Mabel tries a spin kick. I would say hits, but he literally misses by at least 10 inches. I mean this was awful. The fans loudly groaned at the sight of it.

I have to finish it. I have to finish it. I have to finish it. This HAS to improve. I don’t think it can actually get worse. They both go to the floor so they can lay there for awhile since it’s past their nap times. They have to stop for one an hour after they eat. They take a lot of naps.

Mabel gets counted out as Bigelow beats the count. Somehow that fat tub of goo would be the King of the Ring and top heel within 8 months. Vince must have been on the REALLY GOOD crack at this time. Or maybe he didn’t have any in him at all and that’s what caused all this. So now we have Del Ray vs. Billy Gunn. Somehow, this is better. Read who’s in there, and think about that for a minute.

Now we shift to Bomb vs. Bigelow and Adam hits that SWEET slingshot clothesline of his. Dang I love that move. He dominates just like he would do against Mabel at In Your House but after one shot from Bundy, Bigelow puts him down and moonsaults him out of it. I’ve always hated when a guy gets hit with one shot and since it’s from behind, it’s a knockout shot. What’s the deal with that? Del Ray hits two sweet superkicks that do nothing at all.

However, after a standard illegal elbow, he’s gone to Luger. Good to see that some things never chance. The Guns beat on Tatanka for the better part of ever and it’s just barely interesting. They were just such a worthless team. You can tell they’re real cowboys though. They’re wearing khakis. Yep the Beautiful People match is certainly more interesting, especially with those shots of Velvet’s figure. Dang.

Anyway, Bart goes for a crucifix and gets caught in the End of the Trail, which is apparently the name of Tatanka’s finishing move. Forget that it’s the Papoose To Go. We’re 4-2 now with the excellent team of Billy Gunn and Lex Luger against the four heels. Oh this isn’t going to be pleasant. I really can’t stand Vince saying YES NO! Is he really that impatience? A splash ends Billy, making it AMERICA vs. four. Oh boy I can barely contain my excitement.

As I look at my clock, we’ve been at this beatdown for six minutes now. Oh joy indeed. Why do I need to see Luger get beaten up that long? Wait, that might mean an injury which means him off TV. BLAST HIM WITH EVERY FREAKING THING YOU’VE GOT PEOPLE! Our ot nowhere Luger rolls him up for the pin and then literally lays there on the ground while Bundy gets ready for the splash.

It was without a doubt the worst looking thing I’ve ever seen in a match like this. That’s the end and the heels celebrate before beating on Luger forever. The faces finally run out for the save. I guess they wanted to see the annoying one get beaten on too. This segment just went on forever.

Rating: C-. I know I blasted this match a lot, but for some reason by the end it wasn’t horrible. I think it was the faces losing clean that fixed a lot of this. That’s what the match should have been: the heels getting a clean win which is something that hardly ever happens. It’s a match where the pieces don’t add up to what you get at the end, which is a good thing.

Backlund has a press conference to talk about how he’ll be a role model. Yep for all of three days.

Undertaker vs. Yokozuna

Before this, we have the debut of the deity himself, Chuck Norris. He’s the guest referee tonight, which shouldn’t be a problem for him. He can certainly count to ten. He counted to infinity twice, so ten is easy. He’s there to keep people from coming out to beat up Taker. That’s a good idea, since he’s so strong that he never does push-ups. He simply pushes the world down. After two of the slowest intros ever, it’s time to go.

Before the match even begins, we can already see the problem here: no one believes Yoko has a chance, and he doesn’t. Yoko can’t really do anything to Taker so Taker starts beating on him. The managers interfere to turn the momentum over. Yeah that doesn’t work. Momentum implies movement, and I don’t think they’ve actually moved in this match. They’re just so freaking slow. Now with Taker it makes sense, but with Yoko it’s just due to fatness.

He took some time off after this match and came back even bigger. That can’t be good. Anyway, Norris is mostly just window dressing for the majority of this match. He’s shown a few times standing there. Dang I ran out of jokes for a minute. I’ll make up for it later. Eventually Bigelow and Bundy come out and yell at him, leading to IRS running in and nailing Taker then putting him in a sleeper.

Taker would feud with DiBiase’s team until I think the following Summerslam, so yeah that went on way too long. The fat guys don’t do anything to Norris, and I can’t blame them. After all when the Boogeyman goes to bed at night he checks the closet for Chuck Norris. I’d be afraid too. So yeah, the rest is rather predictable, as has been the first part of the match. Yoko keeps trying but at the last second Taker rises up. The lack of drama is freaking killing this match.

It’s clear that no one believes Yoko has a chance. It’s fine to want to send the fans home happy, but at least try to build some drama. At least make Yoko look like he has a snowball’s chance out there. For no good reason, Jarrett comes out and Norris kicks him in the chest. Well that was rather pointless.

Yoko gets kicked into the casket to end it. I know that’s really lackluster, but seriously there was just nothing else to say about it. It was just as you would expect it to be: not that interesting, slow, and completely lacking in drama. This was pretty bad.

Rating: D+. Yeah this was bad. As I’ve said a million times, the best thing a match can do is have you guessing who is going to win. There was absolutely zero doubt here who the winner would be. It’s a great sign when you know who the winner is going in and they get you caught up in it anyway.

For a great example, see Taker vs. Shawn. We knew Taker would win, but it got us going anyway. As for this, Norris was the big celebrity of the show and he did what he was supposed to do: beat up a midcard guy. It was ok for a pointless main event, but this wasn’t interesting at all.

Overall Rating: C-. This is about as back and forth of a show as you’re ever going to find. The first match is ok, the second is beyond awful, the third is great, the fourth is ok, and the last is awful. Also, a LOT of people will disagree on the title match, and like I said before I’m fine with that. It’s a tricky one to call and it really depends on your taste as a fan. I loved it, and for me it almost carries this show. Overall, the show is certainly watchable, but it’s forgettable.

The title change that mattered was the following weekend so this one meant little. Other than that, it’s a very forgettable show. Taker won the feud as he always did, there was an awful match, Luger managed to blow another one, and there was an ok opener. Seriously, nothing here stands out. It’s ok if you’re really bored and just want to kill about 3 hours, but don’t go out of your way.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Survivor Series 1993
Date: November 24, 1993
Location: Boston Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,509
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

This really is a transitional time for the company as the major stars of the past are all out of the picture, save for the occasional appearance by Savage. Bret is one of the top stars in the company but is taking a back seat to the more muscular and arguably more marketable Lex Luger. Hart’s time would come though. Let’s get to it.

Vince and Bobby talk a little bit about the concept and we’re ready to go.

Team IRS vs. Team Razor Ramon

IRS, Adam Bomb, Diesel, Rick Martel

Razor Ramon, 1-2-3 Kid, Marty Jannetty, Mr. Perfect

IRS and Ramon are feuding over the now face Razor’s Intercontinental Title, Martel was the guy Ramon beat for the title, Diesel (a big man and Shawn Michaels’ bodyguard) and Adam Bomb (a good sized power man) are just there to fill in spots, Jannetty and Kid (a rookie who shocked the world earlier in the year by beating Ramon on Raw) are a semi-regular tag team and Perfect….isn’t here.

Ramon talks about Perfect leaving (his back messed up again and he just kind of left for five months) but he’s got a treat for us. Razor has a surprise partner and it’s……RANDY SAVAGE! Heenan LOSES IT and the crowd does right along with him. This is when Savage wanted to murder Crush, who is in the main event tonight. Savage and Crush had been friends but Crush had turned on him and beaten Savage up, over Savage not visiting Crush when he was injured.

Heenan apparently called Perfect no showing this and Vince says Heenan was right for once. Bobby: “FOR ONCE???” Ramon and Martel start things off with Rick working on the arm. They fight for the arm and hit the mat for a bit before popping back up. Razor slaps him in the face and rolls through a cross body for two. Martel gets caught in the fall away slam (BIG pop for that) for two.

Razor hits a pair of atomic drops and a clothesline for two. Off to Adam Bomb who shoves Ramon into the corner with ease. They collide and Razor is knocked down in a bit of a surprise. They have a test of strength with Bomb controlling again before Ramon fights up and suplexes Bomb down.

Martel tries to save but elbows Bomb by mistake. Harvey Wippleman (Bomb’s manager) gets up on the apron and is knocked down, causing a big fight between IRS’ team. Ramon’s team uses common sense and lets them fight. I’ve never gotten why anyone would interfere when their opponents are doing damage to themselves. We get things settled down and it’s the Kid vs. Bomb. Kid tries a sunset flip and Bomb (about 6’8 and 300lbs) has little problem countering.

Off to Diesel who throws Kid around even harder. I’m not sure why they keep putting Kid in there against these monsters. A gutwrench powerbomb from Diesel leaves Kid laying and a big boot does the same. Kid finally hits a spin kick and it’s off to Savage who destroys the entire team, including sending Bomb into Diesel. A slam puts Diesel down and the flying elbow makes it 4-3.

Martel charges in and rams Savage face first into the buckle. Since it’s 1993, Martel’s offense has almost no effect and Savage takes over. Off to IRS who has a bit better luck as he takes Savage into the corner but gets cross bodied for two. Back to Ramon who works on the arm but as he hits the ropes, Martel hits Razor in the back to slow the Bad Guy (Razor’s nickname) down.

Bomb comes back in to power Razor around a bit but it’s quickly back to IRS who works on Razor’s back. We hit the chinlock and the heels switch a few times without tagging. Villains. Off to Macho Man again who knees IRS into the corner. A slam looks to set up the elbow but here comes Crush. Savage sees him and immediately goes after him but is sent back into the ring and rolled up by IRS for the pin and elimination.

Savage chases Crush into the back and looks for him in the locker rooms as the match is still going on. Savage doesn’t find him so we’ll continue this game later. We come back to the ring to see Bomb choking away on Jannetty and stomping him in the corner. Martel hooks an abdominal stretch for a few seconds but a corner charge hits the post and it’s back to Ramon.

Razor pounds away on IRS and hits a chokeslam followed by the Razor’s Edge for the pin and the 3-2 advantage. Everything breaks down and as Razor loads up the Edge on Martel, IRS hits him in the ribs with his briefcase. Ramon rolls to the floor and gets counted out to tie things up again. So it’s Jannetty/1-2-3 Kid vs. Martel/Bomb. The Kid gets sent to the floor and slammed down by Bomb who hits a slingshot clothesline to take the Kid down back inside.

Off to Martel as the Kid is in a lot of trouble. Martel drops some knees on the back for two as Vince says the Kid has a lot of heart. Heenan: “THEN KICK HIM IN THE HEART!” Martel jumps into a right hand to the ribs and there’s the tag to Jannetty who cleans house. Back to the Kid way too soon for a double back elbow and a sunset flip to eliminate Martel. Kid immediately tags in Jannetty who sunset flips Bomb for the pin ten seconds after Martel was eliminated. REALLY hot ending here.

Rating: B. I really liked this match as it was fast paced and a ton of fun. If you cut about five minutes from this, it’s a classic. Having Jannetty and the Kid be the survivors was a very nice surprise and it gave the fans something to cheer for. I really liked this one and it puts the show off on the right foot.

Shawn is in the back with the Intercontinental Title. There are two belts at this point as Shawn was suspended while champion but he kept the belt. That gives us two belts which presents a problem. Maybe we should put them above the ring and make the guys climb a ladder to get them while having one of the best matches ever. Anyway tonight it’s Shawn and his Knights vs. the Hart Family.

We go to a Hart Family interview earlier with Family Feud (game show) host Ray Combs. They all say that Shawn is in trouble for going after Stu recently and it’s going to be a massive Hart Attack.

Back to Shawn who says he’s not ready for the Harts and he makes fun of all five of them, including Stu. Shawn is really clicking as the insanely arrogant heel by this point.

Jannetty and Kid celebrate with Ramon. Savage is off chasing Crush.

Combs is in the ring to talk about the Hart Family being at ringside. Pay attention because it’s amazing enough to have them all in the same place without suing or trying to kill each other. Combs gets in some jokes about Shawn which aren’t really funny but this is filler stuff anyway. Vince of course laughs like there’s no tomorrow.

Hart Family vs. Shawn Michaels/Knights

Bret Hart, Keith Hart, Bruce Hart, Owen Hart

Shawn Michaels, Blue Knight, Black Knight, Red Knight

The Blue Knight is Greg Valentine, the Red Knight is Barry Horowitz and the Black Knight is Jeff Gaylord (indy guy who never meant anything on a national stage). Stu Hart is here with his sons as if there was somehow any doubt as to who was getting destroyed. Ray Combs sits in on commentary and while he’s not incredibly funny, he sounds like he’s having a blast out there and is enjoying himself which is all I ask for from a celebrity. Heenan vs. Combs on commentary is a good back and forth jab fest if nothing else.

Shawn and Owen start but Shawn wants Keith, who along with Bruce haven’t wrestled in years. Keith speeds things up and Shawn gets sent into the interfering Red Knight. Shawn tries to throw Keith into the corner but Keith takes out Red and Blue. An armdrag takes Shawn down and it’s Keith with an armbar. Shawn’s suplex attempt is countered into a small package and it’s back to the armbar.

Michaels slams Keith down and it’s off to the Red Knight vs. Owen. Owen fires off some shots to the arm and it’s off to the Black Knight. That goes nowhere at all so let’s try Bret vs. Blue. Bret hits some atomic drops and a clothesline for two. Back to Keith who continues the armbar marathon and it’s Bruce time again. Off to Shawn with a backbreaker and some elbows to the back.

Red comes in and suplexes Bruce down for two. Back to Black who is the biggest of the Knights and gets rolled up for two. It’s back to Shawn who gets rammed into the corner before Red pokes Bruce in the head. Bruce hits a clothesline and it’s off to Bret vs. Black. An O’Connor Roll and small package get two each for Bret as he takes over. The backbreaker and middle rope elbow get two and it’s off to Owen.

A spinwheel kick drops Black and everything breaks down. Shawn and all three Knights get sent into each other in the middle of the ring and a missile dropkick from Owen pins Black. Off to the Red but Owen works over his leg. Back to Bret and who helps make a wish on Red’s legs. Keith comes in again and the leg work continues.

Red tries a knee lift and hurts his own knee in the process. Some fans chant boring and they’re right in doing so. Back to Bruce who pops Red in the face. The Hitman comes in and we get another wishbone split. Red sends Keith into the buckle to escape a figure four attempt but misses a knee drop instead of tagging. Keith puts on a Figure Four but Shawn makes the save and it’s off to Blue. Those boring chants are getting a little bit louder.

Blue works over Keith’s arm and it’s off to Shawn with a top rope double ax to the arm. The shoulder gets sent into the buckle and Shawn cranks on the bad arm. Back to Red whose leg seems fine now. Rey cranks on the arm around the post which results in more double teaming. Heenan has been ripping the Harts apart the entire match, including a nice jab here: “None of them look alike.” Keep in mind this is as Keith is having his arm destroyed.

Blue stays on the arm including dropping a leg, followed by a hammerlock slam. Off to Shawn who misses a Rocket Launcher, allowing the tag to Bret, prompting Shawn to tag out to Red. Red immediately gets caught in a spinebuster and the Sharpshooter to make it 4-2. Blue comes in to clothesline Bret and both he and Keith are now hurt. Bret is thrown back in and suplexed down for two.

Blue drops a very Greg Valentine elbow and Heenan says he knows who the Blue Knight is. Vince: “Who is that?” Bobby: “The guy in the ring that just dropped an elbow on Bret Hart.” I love you Bobby Heenan. Back to Shawn for a chinlock to kill even more time. I’m not sure how much there is of it left as this has been going long already. Blue comes in for another two off another elbow as Bobby lays into Helen Hart.

Bret hits a middle rope clothesline and he makes the tag to Owen. The crowd just does not care here and the lack of any reaction is kind of sad. A middle rope elbow gets two on Blue and Bruce and Shawn come in at the same time. Shawn goes to the floor and goes after Stu, only to get BLASTED IN THE FACE. Bobby: “I’ve always liked Stu.” A missile dropkick puts Blue down and Shawn’s saving elbow hits Blue as well. Shawn is sent to the floor and the Sharpshooter eliminates Blue.

It’s 4-1 and Shawn is drinking water. All four of the Harts hammer on Shawn and it’s Bruce who gets two off an elbow drop. Bruce charges into a boot and Shawn chokes away a bit. The superkick, still not a finisher, gets two on Bruce. Bruce gets in a boot and makes the tag to Bret to a small reaction. Bret hits a slingshot to the buckle for two. Shawn gets in a kick and it’s off to Owen.

Now here’s where it gets interesting: Bret is trying to get it together on the apron and Owen is rammed into Bret, knocking him off the apron and into the barricade. Owen is distracted by the mistake, allowing Shawn to roll him up for the pin. All of the Harts go to check on Bret and Owen FREAKS, storming to the back and shouting WHAT ABOUT ME! This would start the feud of the year in 1994.

Bruce comes in and drops an elbow on Shawn for two. Bret is still getting up after the crash he took into the barricade. Bruce and Shawn hit head to head twice in a row to really stretch this thing out. Keith comes in with an abdominal stretch (including the toe around the ankle) but Shawn hip tosses out of it with ease. Back to Bret who pounds away and crotches Shawn on the top rope. Bret picks the leg but Shawn escapes the Sharpshooter and walks out for the countout.

Rating: D. This was…….long. At the end of the day it ran 30 minutes when it should have been about 15. The only thing that mattered here was Owen and the future angle vs. Bret. Shawn being in there didn’t help much, but it needed to be Jerry Lawler and without him this didn’t mean anything of note. Not a good match and the length hurt it a lot. They were against things they couldn’t really help here and that’s what brought it down a lot.

Owen comes back and gets in Bret’s face during the celebration. Stu tries to calm Owen down but Owen rants about getting no recognition and celebrates in the ring on his own. Helen, the matriarch in the audience, loses it as well.

Gorilla and JR are going to do commentary on the next match as Heenan and Vince are going to do Radio WWF, an idea which didn’t last long. During the change over, Gorilla threatens to kill Heenan as was his trademark at this point.

We recap the Foreign Fanatics vs. the All Americans. Ludvig Borga hit Tatanka with a chair and pinned him with one finger, breaking Tatanka’s two year undefeated streak. Tatanka then got beaten up by Yokozuna. This led to the Steiners and Luger picking a new partner in the Undertaker. This led to an awesome moment with Undertaker opening his coat and having an American Flag inside of it (with 13 stars for some reason). Luger then beat up Quebecer Pierre in a singles match to put him out of the pay per view. The Fanatics added the EVIL FOREIGN Hawaiian Crush.

Here’s Jim Cornette to introduce his team for a very out there match.

Smokey Mountain Wrestling Tag Titles: Heavenly Bodies vs. Rock N Roll Express

This is part of an agreement the companies had at the time which didn’t work that well. The Express (Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson, a legendary team from the 80s) are the champions and they’re defending against Tom Prichard and Jimmy Del Ray. It’s a brawl to start with the Express being sent to the floor. Gibson is pulled back in but Morton pulls both of the Bodies out to the floor. Ricky follows that up with a suicide dive to take both of them out at the same time.

Things slow down and we start with Gibson vs. Del Ray. They’re going to go very fast in this match and that’s exactly how it starts with Gibson flipping out of the corner and hitting a headscissor takeover before bringing in Morton. Prichard comes in and gets booed louder than all of the Knights in the previous match combined. Morton can’t quite get above Prichard on a leapfrog and he ducks a Del Ray superkick which takes Prichard down instead.

Both Bodies get monkey flipped out of the corner and we get the always dumb looking rowboat spot, where all four of the heels’ legs are rotated around by the good guys. Gibson works on Prichard’s leg and the Express take out Del Ray in the corner before Morton works on Prichard’s leg as well. Tom finally gets in a shot and it’s off to Del Ray who is immediately armdragged down.

In a nice move, Gibson blocks the buckle before Morton’s back hits it to prevent the Bodies from getting the advantage. It’s been all Express other than the first fifteen seconds. The Bodies have a quick huddle on the floor and the fans are bored. It’s Prichard vs. Morton now with the heels taking over for the first time since the beginning. Off to Del Ray who is suplexed down onto Morton for two.

Back to Prichard for some more choking. There wasn’t a tag but that’s why the Bodies are heels. Del Ray hits an Asai Moonsault to the floor and it’s back to Prichard in the ring who hits a powerslam for two. Off to a chinlock as this match is turning into an old school tag match of the NWA style. A Trash Compactor (a kind of spinebuster/guillotine legdrop combo) gets two but Del Ray’s powerbomb is countered into a hurricanrana for two. Ricky hooks a small package for another two and Del Ray hits a moonsault press on Morton for ANOTHER two. This is why it’s called Playing Ricky Morton. The guy was a master at it.

A double DDT puts the Bodies down and Morton rolls over to make the tag to Gibson. Now we get to the point of the match: Prichard throws Morton over the top, which is a DQ in SMW but this is in the WWF. Gibson gets confused and decked for his confusion as Morton gets beaten down even more. There’s the double dropkick to Prichard but it only gets two. Del Ray comes off the top with a tennis racket (Cornette signature) shot to Gibson for the pin and the titles.

Rating: B-. This was a strange match as from a technical standpoint it was quite good and in SMW it would have been the main event of a big show, but we’re not in SMW. We’re in the WWF here and these people don’t mean anything. There’s a deep history here of a ton of matches with various gimmicks to them, making this a huge feud. The problem is all we’re told is they’ve been feuding for years. It’s the same issue you have with Japanese or other foreign wrestlers: just being told how great they are doesn’t mean anything to most fans. We need to see these things, not be told about them.

Team Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Four Doinks

Bam Bam Bigelow, Bastion Booger, Headshrinkers

Bushwhackers, Men on a Mission

Ok. I can get through this. The Doinks are all dressed like a clown and their identities were secret until they were unveiled here. Luke comes out on a scooter, Butch has a wagon, the Men on a Mission come out on foot. Mabel needs the exercise so that’s a good idea. Notice that there’s no actual Doink in the match and the fans aren’t going to be pleased here.

A LOUD We Want Doink chant starts up and Bastion and Luke start things off. Booger is a VERY fat guy in a too small singlet in case you’re not familiar with him. Luke bites him on the ample singlet before stomping on Bastion’s foot. Afa bites Butch’s balloon and it’s off to Samu. Then he bites a water balloon and gets rolled up by Luke for the pin. Fatu comes in and Luke hurts his own head off a headbutt attempt.

Booger comes in and drops a leg on Luke and it’s off to Bigelow with a headbutt to the ribs. It’s back to Booger who sits on Luke before stopping for a banana. Another drop by Bastion misses and the Battering Ram puts him down. Mabel drops a leg on Bastion and it’s 4-2. Fatu comes in to offer meat to Luke and takes over, but here’s Mo on a scooter for a ride around the ring. Bigelow comes in and destroys the scooter and Fatu hits the top rope splash….and stops for a banana.

Butch comes in with a bucket of something….scratch that as there’s nothing in it, but Fatu slips on a banana peel as he jumps from it and Butch rolls him up for the pin. Bigelow is all that’s left and he gets to fight Mabel. Bam Bam can’t do anything to the power of fat but Mabel misses a splash. The other Doinks come in and get beaten up also but Butch throws something on Luna. Mabel splashes Bigelow and a dog pile (which is allowed) gets the pin.

Rating: F. For failure, which is one of the few words to describe how bad this was. I am in awe. We had falls from a water balloon, a banana peel and a bucket of something being thrown on Luna. On top of all that, Doink, the point of the whole thing, wasn’t even in the match despite it being a character that could be played by almost anyone.

As Bigelow is leaving, Doink (whose performer has recently changed) pops up on screen to laugh at Bam Bam. The next step in this feud: a midget named Dink of course.

The Doinks, including the real Doink, celebrate in the back. Why the REAL Doink couldn’t be in the arena isn’t answered.

The Foreign Fanatics are in the back and Cornette talks about their battle plan. He talks about how they look at the All Americans as one man. You can take a man out by taking out his heart, his mind and his soul. The Steiners are the heart, but if you take it out, he has no will to fight. The Undertaker is the mind, but if you take it out, the man is confused. Luger is the soul, but if you take it out, you’ve defeated him completely. I’ve always liked that promo.

Before the match, we get a history lesson about Boston. No seriously, this happens. Thankfully it turns into some promos from the All Americans.

Foreign Fanatics vs. All Americans

Foreign Fanatics: Yokozuna, Crush, Ludvig Borga, Jacques

All Americans: Lex Luger, Undertaker, Steiner Brothers

The Quebecers are the Tag Team Champions and have Johnny (Raven Polo) as their manager. Yokozuna is WWF World Champion. Jacques and Scott start things off and Jacques offers a handshake. Scott says screw you in classic Freakzilla style. Scott hits a quick belly to belly for two and it’s off to Rick. Jacques brings in Yokozuna and things slow down almost immediately. Rick hits a clothesline and a shoulder to knock Yokozuna out to the floor but it doesn’t do much good.

Off to Borga to knock Rick to the floor but Steiner comes back in off the top with a shoulder for no cover. Borga misses an elbow and Rick goes up again, coming off with a cross body. Borga rolls through it and Rick isn’t moving at all, giving Borga an easy pin. Rick finally starts moving and holds his leg, so I’m thinking that’s a legit injury. Rick can’t stand up on the floor.

Scott comes in next and gets to fight Jacques. Rick eventually limps off on his own power which is a good sign at least. Scott hits a great gorilla press but Crush catches a falling Jacques and I guess that’s a tag. Steiner wants nothing to do with a test of strength so Crush pounds on him a bit. A butterfly powerbomb puts Crush down and apparently Savage is back in the building. Crush kicks Scott down and here’s Macho.

Crush throws Scott down to the floor over the top but he won’t go after Savage. Randy gets sent to the back and the dull match continues as Scott may have hurt his knee on that fall. The knee gets targeted now with Crush firing away some kicks and Savage is coming back AGAIN. Scott dropkicks Crush to the floor and Crush goes after Savage for long enough to draw a countout.

Jacques goes after the injured Scott now with a rear chinlock followed by an elbow to the jaw for two. Scott somehow hits a gorilla press on Jacques and there’s the tag to Lex. He slams Jacques down and drops a middle rope elbow for the elimination. It’s now Lex, Undertaker and Scott vs. Borga and Yoko. Borga comes in to face the still limping Scott as Undertaker hasn’t been in the match yet.

Ludvig pounds on the ribs and whips Scott in the corner so he can clothesline Steiner down. Borga goes up top but gets suplexed back down for two. Yokozuna comes in and pounds away, but Scott gets in some offense. He tries the freaking Frankensteiner which goes about as well as you would expect it to, resulting in a legdrop from Yokozuna eliminating Scott to get us down to two on two.

Luger comes in as we’re almost 20 minutes in with no Undertaker yet. Borga, a Finn, waves the Japanese flag. Yokozuna misses a splash and Lex pounds away, only to get clotheslined down with ease. Off to Borga who runs Luger over again and kicks him in the ribs. Back to Yokozuna who misses a charge, and it’s FINALLY off to Undertaker.

The Dead Man hits his running DDT and sits up but a Borga distraction lets Yokozuna suplex Undertaker down. There’s the situp and another after a clothesline. A legdrop keeps Undertaker down and there’s the Banzai, but Yokozuna goes for another, and Undertaker moves. A clothesline puts Yokozuna on the floor and they brawl to a double countout. See you at the Rumble boys. Undertaker was legally in the match for less than two minutes and forty seconds.

So it’s Lex vs. Borga now and as Undertaker and Yokozuna brawl on the floor. Ludvig has taken over and drops a leg on Lex. A side slam puts Lex down for two and Borga gets more two’s off various other power moves. He isn’t covering well though so he isn’t ready to pin Luger yet. A suplex puts Borga down and they clothesline each other. With Cornette distracting the referee, Borga hits Lex with Fuji’s salt bucket for two. Lex gets fired up and hits a powerslam and the loaded forearm for the final pin.

Rating: D+. This didn’t work either. Undertaker was the main draw and he wasn’t even in there for a tenth of the match. Yokozuna vs. Undertaker would go on to screw up two PPVs and Lex would never get the title, basically making the second half of 1993 totally pointless. This match didn’t work at all, and a lot of that is due to the heel lineup. Unless there was an injury or something, I don’t get why Pierre was taken out.

Santa comes out to celebrate with Luger just like last year.

Overall Rating: D. Let’s take a look at this card: great opener, WAY too long second match with the wrong main heel, a match from another company, the banana peel/water balloon fiasco, and the main event with an evil foreign Hawaiian. This show comes off as very long and dull, with most of the matches being completely uninteresting. It was uninteresting back in the day too, as this show got the lowest buyrate in the history of the Survivor Series up to this point.

Ratings Comparison

Team Razor Ramon vs. Team IRS

Original: B

Redo: B

Hart Family vs. Team Shawn Michaels

Original: D+

Redo: D

Rock N Roll Express vs. Heavenly Bodies

Original: B

Redo: B-

Four Doinks vs. Team Bam Bam Bigelow

Original: N/A

Redo: Awe

All-Americans vs. Foreign Fanatics

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Overall Rating:

Original: C+

Redo: D

It was almost the same until the overall rating. I don’t get how it jumps up that high off just a few better grades.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/12/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1993-usa-usa-usa/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6