Monday Night Raw
Date: January 21, 2013
Location: HP Pavilion, San Jose, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for the Rumble and most of the card is set. My guess is that the Rock will be in the building tonight to further the feud with Punk. Other than that you can expect to see the big deal at the end of the show where everyone is thrown to the floor with one person left standing. Other than that there isn’t likely to be anything new tonight. Let’s get to it.

The Martin Luther King Day video opens things up. Vince never misses this one.

Here are Heyman and Vickie to open the show. Vickie says that it’s her job to make sure everyone has the best time they can at her show. That means she has to do things that are unpopular at times, which includes when it involves The Rock. Heyman says last week Rock insulted him as well as Vickie, who he sucks up to.

We get a clip from the Rock Concert last week with Rock making fun of both of them and Vickie says that if Rock tries to get in here tonight, he’ll be arrested. We’re told that Rock is being stopped from getting in by cops so we cut to the back where Rock cuts a promo on the three cops.

Rock says that instead of arresting him, one should arrest Punk for impersonating a champion, because unlike Manti Te’o who had an imaginary girlfriend, Punk has an imaginary nutsack. Heyman should be arrested for going out without a bra and Vickie should be asked what her insides look like, because her own head is buried inside of her. Rock tries to talk his way into the arena but Vickie says he’s not getting in, if you smell what the Vick is cooking.

Tonight there’s a Beat the Clock Challenge and whoever wins gets to pick their number in the Rumble. The idea is that there will be three matches: whoever wins his fastest gets to pick their Rumble spot.

Beat The Clock Challenge: Randy Orton vs. Antonio Cesaro

Both guys try quick rollups with Cesaro grabbing a headlock to take it to the mat instead. Antonio has the American flag trunks on now as he continues to embrace America. Orton comes back with a Thesz Press but shifts to another cover instead of using the cover that the Press is by definition. Orton punches him down for two and we take a break. Back with Cesaro putting Randy on the top turnbuckle but Orton blocks a superplex and knocks Antonio to the outside.

Orton gets pulled down as well as the clock continues to tick. The gutwrench suplex gets a pair of two’s and we hit a chinlock in a match that is designed to be won as quickly as possible. A slam gets two more for Cesaro as does a double stomp as we hit nine minutes. Back to the chinlock for a bit until Orton fights up and does all of his usual stuff. Cesaro counters the Elevated DDT into a jackknife cover for two and the European uppercut gets the same. Orton is sent shoulder first into the post and falls to the floor as we’re past eleven minutes now. Cesaro comes back in and walks into the RKO for the pin at 11:36.

Rating: C-. The lack of psychology in this match made my head hurt. In a match based around speed, why in the world would you keep going to the floor or putting on chinlocks? The clock idea can get a bit annoying after while but it’ll get even worse later on in the night. The match here wasn’t bad but the psychology was plain stupid at times.

Foley Hall of Fame video.

Shield video/promo talking about how they’ve taken out a lot of people and they’re just getting started.

Big Show vs. Zack Ryder

Brad Maddox jumps in on commentary to further annoy us. WMD ends this in 46 seconds.

Show talks about his second Last Man Standing match with Del Rio at the Rumble. He stands on Ryder’s chest and counts to ten.

Post break Maddox goes to see Heyman again and Heyman actually agrees to help make him famous. Ok then.

Ryback vs. Heath Slater

Back to basics for Ryback here as he mauls Heath and beats up the cohorts before finishing with Shell Shock at 1:11.

Ryback says his job is fun and on Sunday he’s in his first Royal Rumble. He’s made for this kind of match and it’s going to lead him to the main event of Wrestlemania.

Rock is still trying to talk his way around the cops. He says the cops are here to serve the people, not to protect Vickie Guerrero. Rock talks about what an experience it is to see Rock’s entrance and the fans start chanting his name. One of the cop says he had tickets for tonight and his wife and kid are in the crowd. Rock sees an opening and Vickie comes in to say arrest him.

The cops say Rock isn’t breaking any laws but apparently Vickie has the power to have them suspended from the police force. Punk is up next so Vickie offers Rock a chance to get in if he’ll apologize and make it good. Rock says he’s getting in but on his terms, not hers. The other problem is that Vickie still looks horrible tonight. Vickie shoves the cops away and leaves. Rock tells the cops he has an idea.

Here are Punk and Heyman for their weekly talk session. Punk says that he’s been champion 428 days and he’s going to be champion this time next week. He’s looked into the eyes of the Rock and knows that Rock isn’t a champion inside his heart. A long time ago Punk chose honest arrogance while Rock picked all of the people. Rock may be the Brahma Bull and the Great One but he can’t call himself champion. Punk is the man and in six days, Rock is on a collision course with him.

Beat The Clock Challenge: The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler

AJ is looking GREAT tonight. The clock is set at 11:36 so Miz tries for two fast pins but can only get two. They trade pinfall reversals until Ziggler hits a decent dropkick for two. A neckbreaker gets another two on Miz and it’s chinlock time. Miz takes Ziggler down and pounds away as we’re under nine minutes. A kick/knee to the face takes Ziggler down and there’s a chop block to set up the Figure Four. That gets countered because Miz isn’t Flair and Miz is sent to the floor. Langston sends him into the apron which gets two for Ziggler back inside.

We take a break and come back with four minutes left on the clock and Ziggler holding a chinlock. Miz fights up and hits a sunset flip and big boot for two each. Miz goes off on Ziggler in the corner and pounds away before hitting the running clothesline and the top rope ax handle for two. 2:30 left. The Finale is countered into a rollup by Ziggler which is countered into a rollup with trunks for two for Miz.

Ziggler hits the jumping DDT for two and we’re under 2:00. Miz picks the leg and COMPLETELY screws up the Figure Four but an AJ distraction lets Langston pull them to the ropes. Under a minute left and Miz has to avoid a Langston distraction, allowing Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag for the pin at 10:56.

Rating: D+. PLEASE let this be the end of the Figure Four idea for Miz. It doesn’t fit him whatsoever and this whole face push continues to be a disaster for him. Channeling Flair, as in a guy who is a jerk just like Miz, isn’t going to do him any favors either. This didn’t work that well at all and a lot of that is due to Miz. Let him be himself, not Flair.

It’s time for HELL NO’s anger management graduation. Dr. Shelby is running things and apparently his first name is Marion. Apparently they’re his first graduates. This comes complete with caps and gowns, Pomp and Circumstance, and diplomas. Bryan has his hair slicked back and they put their hats on in the ring. They officially graduate and as a final exercise, they have to pick who is valedictorian. Kane says Bryan and Bryan says NO.

Kane says Bryan has never had a problem with shutting his mouth before and an argument breaks out. Shelby snaps and asks them if a hug would make them feel better. The Dr. has an idea: what if EVERYONE hugged at the same time? Kane asks about Lawler and Cole and Shelby says yes them too. Lawler finally does it and now Bryan wants the physician and Justin Roberts to hug. Kane wants three fans to hug. They both tell random fans to hug and then everyone has to hug at once. A jumping group hug ends this.

Kaitlyn vs. Alicia Fox

Kaitlyn takes it to the floor quickly and pounds away as Tamina is looking on in the back. They head inside again and Alicia grabs a quick chinlock. That’s the extent of her offense as Kaitlyn spears her down for the pin at 2:05.

Heyman has secured a sky box for Punk to watch the next segment from. He calls it a Paul Bomb for the Rock.

Here’s Heyman to the ring to act as an interpreter for Punk since most of what he said likely went over the heads of most of the fans. The people seem to think that it’s a foregone conclusion that Punk is losing the title on Sunday because Vince is desperate for someone to defeat Punk for the title. Rock is the flavor of the month this time because Rock should be focusing on Punk but instead he’s singing songs about Heyman and Vickie. This means that Rock is stupid….and he’s also apparently coming to the arena.

He holds up the ticket that presumably the cop had for himself and Heyman bails. Rock thanks the cop for the ticket so Heyman correctly points out that the ticket doesn’t allow Rock to get in the ring. “Shut your mouth Twinkie T***.” Rock looks up at Punk in the box and says that on Sunday he’s winning the title. What it all boils down to is that Rock is going to rip Punk’s face off and there’s nothing Punk can do about it.

Rock invokes Martin Luther King and says that Rock is going to whip Punk all over the place. Next Monday, everyone from Bangkok to Brazil and all the way back around to San Jose is going to say free at last free at last, thank God almighty we are free at last from CM Punk as WWE Champion. Rock finishes it up and there go the lights. They come back up and SHIELD IS ON THE ROCK! They hit the Triple Bomb and leave Rock laying. Punk says that Rock may have a dream, but at some point you have to wake up. Rock is bleeding from the mouth.

We get a video on Martin Luther King. Dang they’re really proud of him tonight aren’t they?

Beat The Clock Challenge: Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus

The time to beat is 10:56. They slug it out to start and Sheamus gets two off a Regal Roll. Ziggler is watching in the back. Barrett rolls to the apron where he guillotines Sheamus to slow him up. Back inside and Barrett clotheslines Sheamus to the floor as we take a break. Back with five minutes left and Barrett kicking Shemus in the ribs. Off to an armbar on Sheamus before Sheamus comes back with running ax handles and a knee lift.

We’re under 4:00 to go and Barrett is dumped to the apron for the ten forearms. A suplex back in gets two on Barrett and we’ve got 3:00 left. Wade escapes White Noise and sends Sheamus’ shoulder into the buckle. A pumphandle slam is escaped but Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick. A kick to the ribs and one to the jaw get a VERY close two. Barret hits a middle rope elbow for two and we’ve got two minutes to go.

Sheamus escapes Wasteland and hits White Noise for no cover. He loads up the Brogue Kick but here are AJ/Dolph/Langston for a distraction. Winds of Change gets another near fall on Sheamus but we’ve only got 18 seconds left. Barrett loads up the forearm but charges into the Brogue Kick. The clock runs out though at 10:56 just as Sheamus covers giving Ziggler the win.

Rating: C. We were pretty much waiting for Ziggler to come out at the end and the question was could Ziggler survive the clock. Ziggler getting to pick his spot is interesting but there’s no reason for him to pick anything other than #30, unless he wants to show off. This was your usual match between these two in a pairing we’ve seen WAY too many times now.

Ziggler and company celebrate in front of Vickie and she says Dolph gets to pick a number, but not any number. It’s either #1 or #2. Ziggler is stunned.

We recap the Shield stuff again and cut to Heyman and Punk smiling in the back. They run into Vince who accuses them of sending Shield out to jump Rock. Vince says that if Shield gets involved on Sunday, there will be consequences. Heyman and Punk protest and point out how many other people Shield has attacked. Vince doesn’t care and says that if Shield interfered, Punk is stripped. Of the title you sick freaks.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Tensai

Tensai takes the champion (non-title here of course) down to start and hits a pair of Vader Bombs before Del Rio comes back with a rana out of the corner and a German suplex. The enziguri in the corner sets up a mostly missed middle rope moonsault for the pin at 1:31.

We get the second inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame: BOB BACKLUND! Awesome choice there and his speech should be interesting to say the least.

Here’s Cena to close the show. He talks about Sunday coming up and usually being a day of rest. Cena talks about people enjoying Sundays and talks to a kid in the crowd who probably plays video games on Sundays. He asks the kid to stop blocking him from getting to the next level on Black Ops 2. Cena mentions a goofy sounding user name before moving on to some chick who apparently enjoys a calm Sunday but winds up with a guy’s phone number in the pocket. The guy happens to be over in the front row and sex jokes are made.

The point to all this rambling is that everyone does different stuff on Sunday and this particular Sunday is about the Royal Rumble where the winner goes to Wrestlemania. The Rumble is going to be a war and Cena says he’ll win the Rumble. His music hits but it’s only 10:58 so here’s Sheamus to offer a rebuttal. He says he’ll repeat what he did last year, but here are the Prime Time Players to say THEY’LL win. Before they can get that far though, Orton makes an appearance and says he’s feeling deja vu.

Before he gets into that, Miz comes out to say his catchphrase but HELL NO comes out to say something as well. You know the real money in this company is making microphones. With them arguing, here’s Cesaro to say HE is winning the Rumble. He dedicates his win to the USA but here are 3MB to say their usual stuff. The rest of the locker room comes out for the required huge brawl before the Rumble. Sheamus throws out about five people and the show ends in chaos.

Overall Rating: B-. I liked tonight’s show. They hyped up the Rumble as well as talking about other things going on in the show. That’s a good go home show and I’m intrigued to see the Rumble on Sunday. Rock vs. Punk will be awesome and while I think I know who is going to win on Sunday (no hints yet as I’m in a predictions contest and I don’t want to give away my brilliance), it’s always a fun show. Good stuff tonight.

Results

Randy Orton b. Antonio Cesar – RKO

Big Show b. Zack Ryder – WMD

Ryback b. Heath Slater – Shell Shock

Dolph Ziggler b. The Miz – Zig Zag

Kaitlyn b. Alicia Fox – Spear

Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus went to a no contest

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Yesterday I watched Edge vs. Ziggler from the 2011 Rumble. I just finished Punk vs. Ziggler from the 2012 Rumble. On Monday I saw Cena vs. Ziggler on Raw. My conclusion:

Ziggler is the exact same worker he was two years ago. He hasn’t gotten any better other than having a superkick instead of the sleeper now.  His talking has gotten a bit better, but at the end of the day he’s about 95% the same guy that he was back in 2011.   That’s not a good sign for a guy who is allegedly the future of the company.

Smackdown (700^th Episode)
Date: January 18, 2013
Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Josh Matthews, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re getting very close to the Rumble and there’s a new world champion that the winner could challenge. Tonight is Del Rio’s fiesta for winning the title which is likely to open the show. Big Show is going to get his rematch at the Rumble so look for the interruption from him. There isn’t much else to talk about here so let’s get to it.

Apparently the Rock Concert is on Smackdown tonight. That sounds like a replay to me.

I was right as we open with a mariachi band and a dancing girl in the ring. Ricardo handles the introductions of course and I can’t help but like Del Rio a lot now. I don’t know if it’s the white suit or what but this face turn is perfect for him. Del Rio says we haven’t always seen eye to eye but we can celebrate that Big Show isn’t world champion anymore. They seem to really be cranking up the fake pops tonight.

Cue Ziggler who is here to crash the party. Del Rio says this is his party and apparently doesn’t want them here. Ziggler says that Alberto doesn’t have the world title but rather a target on his head. Dolph introduces Del Rio and Ricardo to Langston so Del Rio says get out of here. Ziggler says how about I have Langston drop you right here and I leave with the title. Del Rio says try it and here’s Big Show. Dolph says Del Rio is outnumbered so here’s Sheamus.

The pale one talks about his history with Del Rio, including stealing his car in San Antonio. Del Rio deserves to be champion though and Sheamus shakes his hand. Sheamus offers to be the bouncer for the fiesta and the fight is about to begin when Booker come out. Yep, it’s another tag match. I wouldn’t mind these as much if they didn’t spend ten minutes setting up something that should take 30 seconds. The heels leave and Booker gives us a Spinarooni to mariachi music. Sheamus does the Irish version of the Mexican hat dance.

Kofi Kingston vs. Antonio Cesaro

Non-title and no entrance for the champion anyway. Kofi cartwheels away to start before firing off some forearms. Cesaro grabs the gutwrench suplex to take Kofi down but Kingston starts jumping around and hitting some more forearms to take over. JBL throws in that this is episode 700 like an afterthought. That’s certainly a change of pace. The SOS gets two for Kofi so he goes up, only to dive into the Neutralizer (Switzerland, neutral. Oh I get it.) for the pin at 2:59. Not much above a squash here. Who did Kofi tick off lately?

Cesaro waves an American flag post match.

Miz shakes his head in the back when Epico, Primo and Rosa come in to laugh at him. They talk about Flair and Miz’s segment on Raw and suggest a match tonight. Miz doesn’t care which it is, which is appropriate as no one cares about Miz as a face.

Great Khali vs. Tensai

They circle each other to start as the announcers talk about monster movies. Khali fires off the chops as Josh desperately tries to make Tensai seem like a threat to anything more than a buffet. Tensai charges into a boot in the corner and the big chop gets the pin at 1:28.

Natalya and Khali dance a bit. JBL: “Does the Anvil know his daughter is a Punjabi princess?”

HELL NO is in the back and wonders why Dr. Shelby thought bringing in the Rhodes Scholars was a good idea. Bryan makes fun of Cody’s facial hair and Kane stares at him. This develops into an argument until Orton glares them down. They have a six man tonight. Bryan points out that Orton isn’t a champion at the moment which ticks him off a bit. After they win their match tonight, GROUP HUG! Randy: “I’m not much of a hugger.” Bryan: “Not yet you’re not.” That came off a little bit creepy.

HELL NO/Randy Orton vs. Rhodes Scholars/Wade Barrett

Randy wants Barrett to start but gets Cody instead. Off to Kane for his low dropkick which gets two before it’s off to Bryan. A double ax to the arm slows Cody down even more and it’s time to crank on it a bit. Daniel fires off his kicks to Cody’s chest before it’s off to Sandow who has to run away from the NO Lock. The heels regroup on the floor as we take a break.

Back with Sandow working over Kane before it’s off to Cody. He’s worried about hurting his mustache I guess because it’s off to Damien again for the Wind-Up Elbow. Kane slugs Barrett down for a bit but walks into Winds of Change for two. Cody’s Disaster Kick jumps into an uppercut though and it’s a double tag off to Sandow and Orton. Randy starts cleaning house but gets caught in Cross Rhodes for two. Rhodes gets shoved to the floor by Kane and it’s the RKO for the pin on Damien at 4:21 shown of 7:51.

Rating: C-. This was another short match in a series of them tonight. There’s just not enough time to really develop anything here but combining feuds is always a good idea. Then again that’s assuming Barrett and Orton are really feuding, because they only had one match and I don’t think they had more than about three seconds of contact here tonight. Still though, nothing terrible here.

Orton gets hugged and looks annoyed.

Here’s the ENTIRE Rock Concert from Raw and the post concert brawl.

The Miz vs. Primo

Dang that’s kind of a drop isn’t it? Miz starts by doing the Flair slick back of his hair. Primo gets annoyed by yet another Flair tribute character (please don’t let that be the case) and pounds away. A low dropkick to the face gets two for Primo and it’s off to a chinlock with a bodyscissors. Miz fights up from his knees as JBL talks about Heath Slater’s mom. Josh defends her and the deadpan voice JBL responds with is hilarious. “Do you consider Heath Slater’s mom a wrestling analyst?”

Primo keeps pounding away but Miz comes back with left hands of his own. They’re both left handed here which is a pretty odd thing to see. JBL takes a shot at TNA by saying that teams like the LOD, the Killer Bees and the Dudleys never made it as singles wrestlers. Miz rolls through a sunset flip and kicks Primo in the face to take over. JBL says very few people are like him and very few people are like Josh “thank God.” Epico distracts Miz to let Primo get in a chop block before being rammed into his cousin. Miz finishes him with the Figure Four at 5:44.

Rating: D+. Boring match but hilarious commentary here. I don’t know what they’re shooting for with Miz, but pairing him with Flair isn’t the answer. Miz’s main problem is that he’s still the same jerk he was beforehand, and Flair isn’t exactly going to humble him. Having Miz use the Figure Four is going to get annoying fast, just like it did when AJ used it in TNA.

The Divas celebrate Katilyn’s title win and Layla is admiring the belt a little too much. Booker and Teddy come up to congratulate her as well.

Kaitlyn vs. Aksana

They lock up to start and Kaitlyn takes her to the mat with a front facelock. A not very snappy suplex gets two for the champion (this is non-title) and Aksana shoves her to the floor. Aksana hooks a chinlock before I think trying to work on the shoulder. They start brawling on the mat with Aksana keeping control. Out of absolutely NOWHERE Kaitlyn hits a bad spear for the win at 3:30.

Rating: D-. This started off bland and got even worse. Aksana is just horrible in the ring and can’t do anything right. You could tell they ran out of stuff to do at about two minutes in and it turned into a sloppy brawl with a bad spear ending it. This division is dying for someone like Finlay to actually teach them how to wrestle a four minute match.

Mick Foley Hall of Fame video. Cool stuff. This is where it helps when WWE owns basically every piece of video ever and can put almost every highlight Foley has ever had into this.

We recap Ryback and Shield from Monday.

Shield does their usual thing and calls out Ryback, Sheamus and Orton. The reason they attacked Foley was because Foley set an example that led to a lot of people trying to be hardcore and injuring themselves in the process. That’s not a terrible explanation and makes as much sense as anything else.

Orton and Sheamus are watching the promo and say bring it on Shield. Sheamus apologizes for not being there to help Orton at Main Event when Shield attacked. Orton says he didn’t need help and talk turns to the Rumble, which both guys say they’ll win.

Big Show/Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus/Alberto Del Rio

Ziggy and Del Rio get things going here. After escaping a quick wristlock, Del Rio takes Dolph down and tries a middle rope moonsault. That goes nowhere so Alberto launches him into the air for two. Off to Sheamus to pound away on Ziggler as is his custom. A delayed vertical gets two but White Noise is escaped. Show comes in and pounds away on him in the corner before sending Sheamus to the outside. Langston gets involved and a fight nearly breaks out but the referee ejects Big E before it can go too far. AJ is tossed too.

We take a break and come back with Ziggler holding a chinlock on Del Rio but the champion comes out of it with a German suplex. The hot tag brings in Sheamus and as usual, Ziggler gets beaten up. Show interferes to send Sheamus off the top and out to the floor and actually give Ziggler a chance. Off to Show officially to stand on Sheamus’ back and lay on his leg. From his back, Sheamus manages to fire off the forearms to the chest to escape the hold but Show drops an elbow on his back to stop the tag.

A side slam gets two for Show and Show hits his Vader Bomb. He goes up for another one and you know that move isn’t hitting twice in one night. There’s the hot tag to Del Rio who cleans house on Ziggler. A low superkick to Dolph gets two followed by the cross armbreaker but Show makes the save. Sheamus pops back in for White Noise on Show to send him to the apron. Del Rio kicks the big man to the floor before throwing a bucket of water in his face (remember what happened on Raw) and Show walks out instead of fighting for the countout at 11:35 show of 15:05.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t bad here and it gives us some more friction between Show and Del Rio. Sheamus and Ziggler were just there to fill in two spots in the ring which is fine. This was about setting up stuff for later and there’s nothing wrong with that when the card for the Rumble is already set. Good little main event here.

Red, white and green balloons fall to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This is a hard show to grade. The first hour or so of the show is just there and most of the stuff is too short to grade. On the other hand nothing is really bad (other than the Divas but who cares about them anyway) and the main event was fun. This is WAY below what we had last week but a show being ok and having nothing of note being terrible is a step up for Smackdown anymore.

Results

Antonio Cesaro b. Kofi Kingston – Neutralizer

Great Khali b. Tensai – Chop to the head

HELL NO/Randy Orton b. Rhodes Scholars/Wade Barrett – RKO to Sandow

The Miz b. Primo – Figure Four Leg Lock

Kaitlyn b. Aksana – Spear

Sheamus/Alberto Del Rio b. Big Show/Dolph Ziggler via countout

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 14, 2013
Location: Compaq Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

It’s the 20^th Anniversary celebration of Raw tonight and the main match announced so far is Eve likely dropping the Divas Title to Kaitlyn. Other than that we’ve likely got Rocky here tonight to hype up the Rumble some more, which is at least some good old fashioned PPV selling. We’re in the good season for WWE so hopefully things are on tonight. Let’s get to it.

A mash up of all the Raw openings (complete with original images) open things up. Cool stuff.

Here’s Vince in the ring to open things up. He talks about how Raw has been entertaining in 20 years and in that time, over 4 billion people have enjoyed Raw. Vince says that’s the case because he’s a certifiable genius and he thanks the fans. Apparently tonight it’s Ziggler vs. Cena in a cage and the Rock Concert 3. Vince thanks the fans again and is cut off by….Big Show?

Big Show says the show has to wait but gets in trouble for calling Vince by his first name. Vince congratulates Show for losing weight, but says that it’s just him losing the title. Vince wants to see the footage but Show wants to talk about it instead. The boss says the fans here in Houston (Cole: “Cheap pop.” Jerry: “Yep.”) want to see the footage so we get a clip of the ending with Del Rio winning the title.

Show accuses Booker T of trying to play to the Hispanic audience by helping Del Rio win the title. He mentions his iron clad contract and says it makes him better than everyone. Show wants Alberto stripped of the title which draws out the champion to what appears to be a legit pop. Ricardo has some towels with him for some reason and his cuffs aren’t buttoned. No car this week though and Del Rio has some green on his trunks and pads now. Ricardo’s towels are covering something that he’s carrying to the ring with him.

Del Rio talks about how Show didn’t like how the tables were turned on him and someone was fighting back against his bullying. Alberto says if Show has a problem, do something about it. He offers Show a rematch tonight but Show says no. He isn’t prepared tonight but Del Rio says that being a giant should make him prepared. Del Rio wants Show to show some cajones but Show says no again. Instead, Show wants it at the Rumble.

Del Rio calls him a fat jackass in Spanish but Show doesn’t like being insulted. Alberto gets the present, which is a bucket with a Mexican flag painted on it. There’s something we can’t see in it, so Show threatens to break Ricardo’s spine if he throws water on him. It’s red white and green confetti in the vein of the Harlem globetrotters. Show goes after Ricardo but Alberto takes him down with a rana (impressive) and the corner enziguri to send Show running. I can’t believe I’m saying this but Alberto is AWESOME right now.

We get a clip from Bob Barker on Raw.

Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett

Non-title because why would Orton care about a title? Feeling out process to start with Orton hitting a Thesz Press to send Wade to the floor. Orton belly to backs him onto the barricade which gets two back inside. There’s the Orton Circle Stomp and a clothesline sends Barrett to the floor as we take a break. Back with Barrett holding a chinlock until Orton elbows out of it.

Wade comes back with some hard forearms and the boot in the ropes for two. Back to the chinlock but Orton elbows out of it again. Orton fires off his finishing sequence (clotheslines, powerslam, backbreaker, Elevated DDT) but the RKO is countered with Randy’s shoulder going into the post. Wade loads up the Bull Hammer….and gets the 100% clean pin at 10:31. I didn’t see that coming at all.

Rating: C+. I’m genuinely surprised by that ending and not complaining about it at all. Orton is at the level where a loss isn’t going to hurt him and might even push his heel turn a bit further. One thing though: why not make this for the title? If Barrett is going to win, why not put the title on the line? It would just make Barrett look better as champion, so why not do it?

Eve is told that if she tries to get counted out or disqualified she’s stripped of the title. She tries to seduce Booker to get out of it and he cracks up. Eve slaps Teddy as a result.

It’s time for Bryan and Kane’s four month followup on anger management. They agree to lie to Shelby and say whatever he wants to hear. Shelby starts with a group hug and asks what they like about each other. Bryan likes that Kane is tall, can light things on fire by lowering his arms, and Kane’s dancing abilities. Kane likes that Bryan is agile, has a great beard, and isn’t afraid to admit that sometimes he wears women’s clothing. Shelby says everything is ok and they can go, but there’s one more thing.

He calls someone and says send them in and here are the Rhodes Scholars. They’re going to cause an anger trigger (with Sandow correcting the doctor of course) and HELL NO needs to not freak out. Cody winds up ripping on Shelby and ask what his credentials are. Damien says Shelby is a worse doctor than Dr. Phil. Shelby: “GET EM!!!” HELL NO beats up the Scholars and Kane gets in his usual great line of “Now THAT’S what I call a happy place!”

Kane vs. Damien Sandow

Kane pulls him in to start and fires off the uppercuts. Side slam gets two but Kane goes up for the clothesline and Sandow bails to the floor. Damien sends him into the apron to take over and hits the Wind-Up Elbow for two but jumps into the chokeslam for the pin at 1:58. Ok then.

Here’s Mick Foley as the first inductee to the WWE Hall of Fame class of 2013. This was announced on WWE.com over the weekend so this isn’t a huge shock. After the cheap pop here’s the Shield to interrupt. Foley wisely bails and here’s Ryback for the weekly 3-1 fight with the Shield. Orton and Sheamus run in as well and Ambrose gets a Shell Shock.

Without going to a break or anything else happening, here’s a REPLAY OF WHAT WE JUST WATCHED. Josh goes into the ring to talk to Ryback, who says that Shield has kept the title on Punk three times now. Ryback doesn’t care about conspiracy theories because he can’t rest until he needs to give the Shield back what they took from him. FEED HIM SHIELD.

We get a clip of some of the weird gimmicks we’ve seen over the years. I had hoped to forget some of these.

Divas Title: Eve Torres vs. Kaitlyn

If Eve gets disqualified or counted out she loses the title. Kaitlyn sends her to the floor to start so the champ hides a bit. Kaitlyn is the hometown girl tonight so it’s pretty clear what’s going down here. Eve knocks her down and hits her running flip splash as we hear about Lamb Chop for no apparent reason. Off to a triangle choke from Eve but Kaitlyn makes a rope.

The reverse DDT gets two and Kaitlyn seemingly dives onto Eve’s knee. The spinning neckbreaker gets two for Kaitlyn so Eve pounds away a bit. Kaitlyn’s gutbuster hits but it sends Eve to the floor. The challenger follows her out and gets whipped into the barricade. Eve puts her over the barricade but Kaitlyn sneaks back in and spears Eve for the title at 5:35.

Rating: D+. This was better than any of their other matches but at the end of the day I have no reason to care about either of these girls anymore. Word on the street is that Eve is gone after this so I guess this is the passing of the torch. Am I supposed to care more now because Kaitlyn wins after not being able to win the title after like four tries? At least they finally did the freaking switch.

Brodus says Punk’s comments last week shouldn’t have been said and he’ll shut Punk up next.

Donald Trump bought Raw once.

Brodus Clay vs. CM Punk

Brodus sends Punk to the floor and pounds on him in the corner like a Funkasaurus would do but Punk gets his knees up in the corner. There’s the springboard clothesline and a neckbreaker to put Brodus down. Off to a cravate by Punk but Brodus suplexes Punk down. Some clotheslines put Punk down and there’s the running headbutt to the chest. Clay misses a splash in the corner though and Punk kicks him down. The top rope elbow sets up the Anaconda Vice for the tap out at 3:40.

Rating: C. Better match than I was expecting here as Clay got to show off a bit before losing as he was destined to do. Also he didn’t tap immediately which was a nice touch as it made him look a bit tougher. I like Brodus a lot so seeing him on Raw more is always a good thing for me. Good stuff here.

Punk talks about how Rock is going to be out here later and the people have the right to like either Rock or Punk better. However, they don’t have the right to have their own facts. Punk has the most important title in the world and has had it for over 400 days. Fact. Later tonight, Rock is going to come out here and “entertain” the people, but at the Rumble, Punk is going to beat him. Basic promo here.

We get a package on moments involving vehicles on Raw.

Foley is on the phone with his kids and says that he wasn’t scared out there. Rock shows up so Mick hangs up on his kids. Foley extends his hand but Rock says he doesn’t want a handshake. Rock hugs Foley instead. That’s more like it. Mick steals the FINALLY line a few times and tries to get Rock to bite on it which he finally does.

Vickie interrupts and says they’re loud. She yells at both of them and Rock says he has nothing to say to her. Foley: “Holy pec pop of love Rock I thought you were going to lay the verbal Smackdown on her.” Rock: “Trust me.” Foley: “You Rock Bottomed me last year.” Rock: “No one remembers that!” Rock says to pay attention to the Rock Concert later.

Sheamus vs. 3MB

This is an over the top rope challenge. JBL: “This isn’t fair.” Cole: “To Sheamus?” JBL: “No.” The band beats on Sheamus to start but he fights them off with ease. Sheamus hits a Regal Roll on McIntyre onto Mahal but can’t get Drew out. All three put him on the ropes but he easily fights them off. Mahal goes up like an idiot and gets knocked out. McIntyre gets backdropped out but Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick to send himself to the apron. He pulls Slater onto the top rope but the other members pull Sheamus to the floor, giving 3MB the win at 3:10. No rating for this due to obvious reasons.

Slater gets on Drew’s shoulders but Sheamus gets back in. He kicks Drew’s leg out and kicks Slater’s head off. Mahal gets one for good measure. Sore loser!

Cena says we should be talking about a huge list of people (including the Bashams and Braden Walker) instead of Big E. Langston. He gives a VERY fast history of his character and says tonight he’s beating Ziggler.

Here’s Miz who promises a HOF member on MizTV. He gives us a hint: WOO!

Back from a break and the guest is Flair. Wow that’s not really surprising at all. Miz asks Flair what his favorite moment on Raw is and that would be his retirement ceremony. Flair doesn’t want to talk about the past though, because he’d rather talk about Ryback taking down the Shield. Flair is wearing the Rolex Shawn gave him and they have a “really” off. Flair dances a bit and Miz says that was kind of awesome. More WOOing ensues and we get a video package on people with interesting ways of speaking, which is basically just a bunch of catchphrases, many of which are from the last three years or so.

After the video, Miz says that there’s one missing. Miz tries to give Flair hints about who it is and Flair can’t say it because this show is PG. “I got four ex-wives son I need a job right now.” Flair goes into his limousine riding bit until Cesaro comes out with an American flag. Cesaro says these two embody America like no one else: a failed reality TV star more focused on fame than greatness and a sixteen time world champion who made ten million dollars but spent twenty. Flair: “Thirty million brother.”

Cesaro holds up the Horsemen sign but says that’s only for Flair’s four ex-wives. Miz says he’ll pay Flair’s bar tab tonight and give Cesaro the receipt right now. Cesaro says he’ll walk away but Flair starts chopping him. Miz hits the Finale to leave the champion laying. Flair loads up the Figure Four but lets Miz do it instead.

Mike Tyson was on Raw in 1998. That was huge to put it mildly.

Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan

Cody pounds away a bit, JBL asks about caterpillars, Cole tells us facts that no one cares about, the NO Lock ends this in 75 seconds.

Eve quits WWE. That’s legit apparently.

AJ shows us some wedding videos, culminating in AJ saying yes to Vince’s GM offer to her. AJ says she lost everything because of Cena. Ziggler comes in to promise to take everything from Cena. He says he’ll steal the show tonight but I’m not buying this for the most part.

Here’s JR to a nice ovation to call the cage match.

Dolph Ziggler vs. John Cena

This is No DQ because that has to be mentioned in cage matches now apparently. There are the usual three ways to win this too. Ziggler tries to escape quickly but gets pulled down and hit with a release fisherman’s suplex for one. Off to a chinlock by Cena but Ziggler comes back with a dropkick to take over. A corner splash and a pair of neckbreakers result in no cover for Dolph. Ziggler tries a third neckbreaker but has to escape the AA instead.

A Downward Spiral into a Stunner gets two for Ziggler but Cena grabs a slingshot to send Dolph into the cage. Ziggler tries to climb but Cena rams him into the cage to take over as we go to a break. Back with both guys on top of the cage but Cena falling down to the ropes. Ziggler dropkicks Cena back into the ring for two to take over. Apparently during the break Cena was out but Langston blocked his feet from hitting the ground in an impressive power display.

Cena comes back and fires away on Ziggler before trying the AA. Ziggler grabs the cage and nearly loses his trunks but escapes anyway. A fast superkick puts Cena down for two but Ziggler can’t get out of the door. Langston and Cena get in a tug of war with Ziggler but Cena pulls him back inside for the STF. Ziggler counters the hold into the sleeper in an impressive move. Cena manages to climb to the top rope while still in the hold and falls down onto his back, breaking the hold in the process.

John goes for the door but Langston slams the door on his head, giving Ziggler a two count. Ziggler goes for the door but Cena climbs over the top. Cena slams the door on Dolph’s head but Big E. is waiting on Cena with a chair. John gets back in and gets caught in a Zig Zag for two. Ziggler goes to the top of the cage but Cena easily pulls him down.

Ziggler runs the ropes to hit a running DDT off the second rope for two more. These near falls are awesome. AJ freaks out and breaks the announce table before climbing the cage. The distraction lets Langston come in with the briefcase but Dolph clocks him with it by mistake. A very fast AA gives Cena the pin at 16:35.

Rating: B. Good match here but Cena beating Ziggler is old news at this point. To be fair though, this is a huge show and you should have Cena win on something this big. The guy is the most popular star in the company (well, regular star in the company), so having him featured and winning at a show this important is fine.

Here’s Rock to close the show. He shows us a picture of himself on his first appearance on the show. “What was I thinking??? The Rock looks like an escaped mental patient about to audition for the Backstreet Boys.” The first song is set to the tune of Heartbreak Hotel and makes fun of Paul Heyman for being fat. A member of ZZ Top is in the audience tonight. Rock calls out to the ladies and says his favorite curve on a woman is her smile. He invites Vickie out and here she is, very timid to say the least.

Rock’s next song is a rendition of You Look Wonderful Tonight, but with the word horrible swapped for wonderful. “You look like a hooker, but not the expensive kind.” After Vickie leaves, Rock gets down to business by calling out Punk. With Heyman and Punk on the stage, Rock says it’s a fact that Punk has been unstoppable for 421 days. Last week Punk said Rock would be boxing with God at the Rumble. Rock says Punk isn’t God, but as God as his witness, he’s taking the title at the Rumble. Punk charges the ring and the fight is on! They’re pulled apart to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a hard one to rate. The show certainly was good, but I’m not sure if it was more good or less non bad if that makes sense. The show felt like a big episode of Raw with some history thrown in, which is ok but it didn’t come off as a big blowaway show. At the end of the day, having every show be three hours long takes away from specials feeling special, which is a problem they’re going to have to deal with. It’s definitely a good show, but it falls way short of being great.

Results

Wade Barrett b. Randy Orton – Bull Hammer

Kane b. Damien Sandow – Chokeslam

Kaitlyn b. Eve Torres – Spear

CM Punk b. Brodus Clay – Anaconda Vice

3MB b. Sheamus – Slater eliminated Sheamus

Daniel Bryan b. Cody Rhodes – NO Lock

John Cena b. Dolph Ziggler – Attitude Adjustment

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

As confirmed by WWE.comAlberto Del Rio beat Big Show in a last man standing match to win the World Heavyweight Title.  I’m very surprised by this and the field is now open for guesses on what it means for the Rumble and Mania, but I can’t imagine Del Rio holding the title until then.  Also for you trivia people, this is the first time the title has changed hands on Smackdown since 2011.

Thoughts/predictions?

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 7, 2013
Location: Tampa Bay Times Forum, Tampa Bay, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the first show of the year and the card is stacked. We’ve got Punk vs. Ryback in a TLC match for the world title plus the return of the Rock. Ok so maybe it’s not stacked but it has a big match and something else big going on. It’s hard to imagine Ryback winning the title tonight as we’re less than three weeks away from the Rumble and Punk vs. Rock. Things should really get going towards the Rumble tonight though so let’s get to it.

Here’s Cena to open the show. He talks about how awesome everything will be tonight and wants to get to the Rumble. Cue Ziggler in a hurry who says that he’ll be the thing people remember tonight instead of the Rock. I’m really thinking no on that one Ziggy. AJ (GOOD FREAKING NIGHT is she looking great tonight) says she can’t believe she spent so much time with Cena as she’s now with a real man.

AJ says Cena is a small man, causing Cena to go into a HUGE overly done bit, (complete with starting the Wave in the crowd) about how that’s a joke. They go back and forth for a bit until Ziggler says he’s in the Rumble as well. Cena says this is going to be his year and it starts tonight against Ziggler. Langston cuts a shaky promo saying Cena has someone else to worry about tonight. Apparently it’s Cena vs. Ziggler post break.

John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler

Dang they’re going all out with this “DON’T WATCH THE BALL GAME” push. Just show AJ for that long and you’ll have my attention. Ziggler grabs a headlock to start but Cena takes him to the mat with an armbar. Dolph sends Cena into the corner to take him down and does his situps. Cena rolls over into a front facelock followed by a delayed vertical suplex for two as we keep going back and forth. Langston guillotines Cena on the top and we take a break. Not much to see so far.

Back with Ziggler holding a chinlock, complete with headstands to show off. It’s still not much of a gimmick people. Cena slams him down again as AJ gets on the apron. Ziggler pops up and SMACKS Cena with a dropkick for two, followed by all those elbow drops. AJ slaps Cena in the face, earning an ejection for herself and Langston. Cena fires up his finishing sequence but Ziggler avoids the Shuffle and rolls Cena up for two.

The second attempt hits but the AA is countered into the Zig Zag for two. The jumping DDT gets two for Dolph so he goes up, only to jump into the AA. Ziggler flips out of that too and hits a close range superkick for two. There’s the sleeper but as Cena throws Ziggler off, the referee gets bumped. The STF goes on and Langston runs in to lay out Cena. The Big Ending (that stupid falling slam) only gets two as a second referee runs out. Cena loses his shoe and hits the AA for the pin at 17:04.

Rating: B. And at the end of the day, Ziggler loses AGAIN. This is why no one is taking him seriously: he loses EVERY major match he has where he doesn’t have a gimmick to help him. When he wins the title, no one is going to buy it and that’s the #1 reason why. As for the match, it was slow to start but got WAY better at the end. That being said, no one is going to see the ending because the national title game kicked off about three minutes ago.

Divas Title: Eve Torres vs. Kaitlyn

Eve takes her to the mat to start and works on the leg. We get a crawler with TWEETS from fans regarding Rock being back. The referee tells Kaitlyn to tie her boot but Eve jumps her during the distraction. Eve hooks a neck stretch (picture a neckbreaker position but instead of just, you know, doing a neckbreaker, Eve bends Kaitlyn’s neck over her own shoulder) but gets caught in a side slam for two. Kaitlyn loads up her gutbuster, but Eve escapes, grabs the title, and runs through the crowd for the countout at 4:40.

Rating: D. CHANGE THE FREAKING TITLE ALREADY! They’ve dragged this stupid story (why do they even hate each other at this point? Does ANYONE remember why this started in the first place, and better yet, does anyone care?) on for months now and while I get that they’re waiting for the Rumble, do they really think people are going to get fired up for the freaking DIVAS TITLE?

Up next: Rhodes Scholars vs. HELL NO! ANOTHER fresh match! It’s clearly they’re just holding out for halftime of the game at this point.

Santino is in the back with Steamboat when Barrett comes in. He insults both guys and says he’s the one bringing prestige back to the title. Steamboat is going to be in Santino’s corner for his title shot tonight.

Orton is in the back to talk about the Rumble when 3MB comes up, setting up Orton vs. Slater tonight. Man they’re REALLY punting on the matches after the opener aren’t they?

HELL NO vs. Rhodes Scholars

For all the talk about how the tag division has been reborn, these two teams really do seem to fight each other a lot. Cody and Kane start with Rhodes running away to tag in Sandow. Bryan comes in with a dropkick in the corner so it’s back to Rhodes to get kicked by Daniel. The Scholars finally get in some shots to take over on Bryan with Cody shouting about the goat face. The Wind-Up Elbow gets two as we hear about Sandow’s family being advisers to the President since the early 1800s. Well you can’t say they’re not trying.

Hot tag brings in Kane who stumbles going up top, only to come off with the clothesline on Sandow, followed by a big boot for two. Damien bails to the floor to avoid a chokeslam, before coming back in to face Bryan. Daniel moonsaults out of the corner and injures his ankle, giving us a reason to extend the match even further. Everything breaks down and Cody hits Cross Rhodes for the pin at 7:16.

Rating: C. So the ankle stuff wound up meaning nothing at all. Good to know. Anyway, this sets up like the third title shot for the Scholars which still doesn’t make me care about the match. This idea of “challengers lose, challengers lose, challengers win a non-title match, challengers win titles” doesn’t make for an interesting series of matches. It makes for a series that I don’t care for because it takes five matches to get through to the end counting a rematch.

Randy Orton vs. Heath Slater

They punch each other a lot to start until Orton gets clotheslined to the floor and stomped on by Mahal and McIntyre. Back in and Slater gets two off a neckbreaker but goes up and gets caught in a superplex. Here are Orton’s clotheslines and the powerslam followed by the Elevated DDT. RKO ends this clean at 4:26.

Rating: D. Yep, it’s clear they’re just letting the football game kill them here and I can’t say I blame them. Nothing on the planet is going to be able to stop that tonight, so why not just put on a weaker show until the game isn’t on and then put up your best then? It’s a strategy they’ve done before, so why not do it here?

Intercontinental Title: Santino Marella vs. Wade Barrett

Wade doesn’t even get an entrance. Steamboat is in Santino’s corner for no apparent reason. The champ takes Santino to the mat and pounds away in the corner before hitting a chinlock. The pumphandle slam is escaped and a superkick to the face gets two for Marella. Santino does his usual stuff and puts on the Cobra, sending Barrett running to the floor. Back in and the Bull Hammer ends this at 2:21.

Barrett stares at Steamboat but runs as the Dragon takes his jacket off.

Sheamus is in the back to talk about the Rumble when 3MB comes up. Wow they’re not even hiding this anymore? Tonight it’s Sheamus vs. one of them later on. Sheamus sings a bit first.

Great Khali vs. Antonio Cesaro

Non-title here and Miz is on commentary. Apparently he had an issue with Cesaro lately which I barely remember. Khali pounds away to start but Cesaro goes after the knee. We get what might be the worst big boot ever (you can see the referee between the boot and Cesaro’s head) before Cesaro makes his comeback, hitting a spinning springboard European Uppercut. Neutralizer ends this at 3:19.

Rating: C-. Points to Cesaro for both the uppercut (that looked SWEET) and the Neutralizer which is rather impressive. This was another match we’ve seen before but it fills in five minutes on this show tonight, which is the right idea. Cesaro continues to impress, which is a good sign for him.

Brad Maddox annoys Heyman again. He offers to referee the TLC match but Heyman wants nothing to do with him.

Jinder Mahal vs. Sheamus

Sheamus toys with Mahal to start and kicks him into the ropes. Mahal grabs Sheamus’ trunks in a weird spot that Sheamus seems bewildered by. A hard slap to Mahal’s face doesn’t do anything but an attempt at a second one sends him to the mat. There are the ten forearms in the ropes for Mahal, and there are ten for McIntyre as well. Jinder hits a jumping knee to send Sheamus to the floor where the band mates get in some shots. Sheamus slugs him down and pulls Slater in as well. A double clothesline puts the jobbers on the floor and Slater takes the Brogue Kick. White Noise and Brogue Kick end Mahal at 4:43.

Rating: D+. This was just a comedy match and I guess a way to compare Orton and Sheamus if that’s what they were going for. Nothing special here of course, but then again what are you expecting from this show at this point? I get why they’re doing things this way, but that doesn’t make the show any easier to sit through.

Video on Punk wanting respect.

Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. Ryback

TLC match which was supposed to happen last month but had to be changed due to Punk’s knee injury. The fans don’t seem impressed by Ryback at all here. Ryback shoves Punk around to start until we head to the floor where Punk kicks him in the head. Punk slides in a ladder but Ryback hammers on him before anything can be done. Back in and Ryback hits a delayed spinning suplex onto the ladder, sending the champion to the floor.

Punk almost gets crushed by the steps before using them as a launching pad to knee Ryback in the face. Punk chairs Ryback down a few times and we take a break. Back with both guys down in the ring and Ryback getting up first. Ryback loads up a table on the floor but Punk blasts him in the ribs with a chair and sets up a table of his own. Ryback shoves Punk onto the announce table but another chair shot slows him down.

Back in and Punk works over Ryback’s leg with a chair but can’t Pillmanize it. The jump off the ropes might have hurt the champion’s knee again. Ryback pounds away and hits the Meat Hook but Punk escapes the Shell Shock. They head to the floor and Ryback launches himself through a table by mistake. Punk climbs up the ladder but Ryback goes up to stop him, knocking the champ to the mat.

CM shoves the ladder over but Ryback lands on his feet. He picks Punk up and drops him onto the ladder, bending it to the point where it can’t be used anymore. Punk kicks Ryback in the head again to slow him down but can’t use the ladder to climb anymore. A knee in the corner slows Ryback down but when Punk tries the bulldog, Ryback LAUNCHES him to the floor through the table Punk set up.

Ryback finds another ladder and goes up but there go the lights. The lights come back up and the Shield is on the ladder. Ryback punches two of them down but has to get down to stop the third one. The numbers catch up with Ryback and he gets destroyed by chair shots and the Triple Bomb through a table onto the steps. The Shield leaves and Punk slowly climbs up to retain the title at 18:50.

Rating: B-. This was exactly what people expected, right down to the interference. Ryback continues to look like someone that can’t win the big one, which is why that pop he got at the beginning of the match might as well have been a group of mice cheering. We get it: Shield goes after Ryback. They’ve done that for months now and Ryback has lost to them every time. There were some good bumps in this but it was exactly the match you expected to happen.

Post break Punk denies being associated with the Shield and says he’s going to drop a pipe bomb on Rock.

Bryan and Kane argue over whose fault the loss was. Vickie pops up and says next week they have a follow up with Dr. Shelby. Another argument ensues as we enter Daffy Duck/Bugs Bunny territory over whether Shelby is a nerd or a monster.

We recap Big Show vs. Ricardo from last week, which sets up Show vs. Alberto on Friday.

Big Show vs. Kofi Kingston

WMD, 15 seconds, pin. That’s some way to treat a guy who was a champion a week ago.

We recap Punk’s heel turn at Raw 1000 where he attacked Rock.

Here’s Punk before Rock can get out here. He talks about how it’s time for the Pipe Bomb, but wants to clarify what the Pipe Bomb is. It’s basically a dose of the truth. Well except for the ice cream, because no one here needs more ice cream. Punk meant everything he said in Vegas, but he became someone for the fans to cheer for. It doesn’t matter if you’re the best in the world in the WWE because there’s a glass ceiling that no one is allowed to break.

Punk goes into another rant about how the fans will cheer for anyone while guys like Bryan have to become catchphrase machines and guys like Brodus Clay have to dance with stupid kids and workhorses like Tyson Kidd have to take back seats to invisible children. The fans cheer and Punk says that’s exactly what he’s talking about.

Everyone in the past has gotten over because of the kind of business they do, except for him. He says if he was in Sammartino’s era, he would have been champion for 20 years. You didn’t see Hogan defending the title in TLC matches against Ryback. Punk says he’s successful because of himself, but rather in spite of them. He talks about how he doesn’t care about the fans and everyone who says they do is either weak or dishonest. Punk is neither though, because he’s an honest man and the best in the world.

He talks about how there are winners and losers in the world and it’s clear which one he is. For Punk, it’s never been about the fans but rather just about the money. A production guy gets up on the apron and says we have to go to a break. Punk says no because he doesn’t want to go to a break. He tells the fans they don’t matter at all and we go to a break.

Back from a break and Punk says that he’s going to be back here in a year as world champion again on the first Raw of 2014. He lists off the people he’s beaten in the last year and every single one of them has been beating the fans too. The fans don’t get to win with Rock either, because Punk is keeping the title at the Rumble.

Rock FINALLY interrupts him and the pop actually made me jump. Rock says that he wanted to hear everything Punk had to say so he knew what he was dealing with at the Rumble. Now it’s clear to the Rock that Punk is straight up delusional. Punk being champion for 414 days is incredible, but the important number is 20, because in 20 days Punk is defending the title against the Rock and then time is up.

Punk wanted a revolution and turned his back on the people, but that’s not what happened. The people turned their backs on Punk. Punk couldn’t even deliver the ice cream bars that he promised. Rock talks about how there’s no such thing as voiceless people here in the WWE because they’re going to call Punk Cookie Puss (it’s an old cake/dessert company from the 80s I believe). Punk says the people are puppets because Rock got the people chanting just like he did a year ago.

Rock says the people have already won the minute Rock woke up this morning. Rock woke up, sent out a Tweet, ate pancakes, went to the gym, got in his truck and drove here so he could stand face to face with Punk and say that FINALLY, he has come back to Tampa. He’s back to stop Punk and win the title for the first time in ten years. Rock has been watching to see someone say they respect Punk so he’ll shut up. He says Punk looks like Popeye on crack which draws a Cookie Puss chant.

Rock praises Punk’s mind but says Punk is delusional. It’s not the people that don’t matter but Punk. Punk starts into his speech but Rock says it doesn’t matter. At the Rumble, there’s nothing stopping the Rock from becoming WWE Champion. Punk lays the title down in the middle of the ring and says it doesn’t matter how often Rock comes back because Punk is going to take him out. He goes on a big rant about how Rock has never faced anyone like him again and says that at the Rumble, Rock’s arms are too short to box with God.

Rock says in 20 days, Punk’s time is up, so go home and look in the mirror and strip. Don’t look at your cookie puss but turn around so you can find a place for two more tattoos. One one cheek put a bunch of candy (“You can’t have Almond Joy because they actually have nuts) and on the other put Rock’s shoe. There’s a Rock Bottom and we’re done.

Overall Rating: B. All things considered, this wasn’t a terrible show. For one thing, there was almost NOTHING stupid backstage other than a few moments that set up matches later on. They didn’t have anything huge going on other than Rock and the title match, which is the right move given what this show was up against. There was a ton of wrestling on this show and that’s what’s been missing on Raw lately, so few complaints there after a slow start.

Results

John Cena b. Dolph Ziggler – Attitude Adjustment

Kaitlyn b. Eve Torres via countout

Rhodes Scholars b. HELL NO – Cross Rhodes to Bryan

Randy Orton b. Heath Slater – RKO

Wade Barrett b. Santino Marella – Bull Hammer

Antonio Cesaro b. Great Khali – Neutralizer

Sheamus b. Jinder Mahal – Brogue Kick

CM Punk b. Ryback – Punk pulled down the title

Big Show b. Kofi Kingston – WMD

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Smackdown
Date: January 7, 2011
Location: Tucson Convention Center, Tucson, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Josh Matthews

In the first show of the year we have the World Heavyweight Championship on the line in a last man standing match as well as Alberto vs. Rey in a 2/3 falls contest.  The most intriguing thing to me is if Kane vs. Edge is finished tonight, what does that mean for the Rumble?  Hopefully this doesn’t see a double countout or a tie etc as that would make me rather irritated.  Let’s get to it.

The opening video is more or less what I just told you.  Now why can’t I get paid to do something like that?  I said more or less the same thing minus a few basic lines.

Do you know your enemy?  That’s a good question actually and I certainly don’t know mine.

After a brief opening statement from the announcers, it’s time for the main event!

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Kane

Edge has the red sunglasses back which I think he’s had recently but not for very long.  This is last man standing remember.  We get the big match intros here which isn’t something you see that often in WWE anymore.  It might be the angle of it but the belt looks quite different for some reason.  Kane puts Edge down in the corner with powerful strikes to start us off.

Edge gets a swinging neckbreaker to put both guys down for about a three.  Sideslam by Kane gets another three on Edge.  The champion hits a spear to Kane while Kane is on the apron and the bald man is down on the floor.  It only gets a six though and we hit the floor.  Up the ramp they go with Kane in control.  Isn’t it amazing how a single shot in one of these matches can send one or both guys off for a good 8 feet?

They go into the back towards the concourse and Edge is slammed into a wall.  Why are the concession stands closed?  Back into the arena in the crowd with Edge blocking a chokeslam off the stands.  They fight up the steps into the luxury suites which have their own concession and merchandise stands.  Dude that’s kind of awesome.  Trashcan to the stomach of Edge breaks his momentum.

With Edge down after being rammed into various things and hammered a bit, Kane finds a flight of stairs and a wheelchair.  I think you know what’s coming here.  Edge counters at the last second and only the chair goes flying.  A big boot puts Kane down for 5.  We take a break with Edge in firm control.

Back with Edge in control still and the fight going on in the crowd near the announcers’ table.  Kane clears off the announce table but Edge manages to reverse to send Kane into the steps.  That gets a 9 which sounded a lot like ten but they kept it going anyway.  Edge does one of those jumps off the top that exist only to jump into a shot from their opponent, in this case an uppercut.

The uppercut is good for 8 and here comes Kane.  Top rope clothesline misses though and Edge gets the Edgecution to put both guys down.  Cole informs us that if it’s a tie then we keep going.  That makes me feel all tingly.  Chokeslam out of nowhere has Edge and the title in big trouble.  Edge is up and 9 and heads/falls to the floor.

Kane wants a Tombstone on the steps but Edge counters into an Edge-O-Matic onto the steps and the big fried freak is in trouble!  Kane gets up at ten but is down at eleven.  Edge sets for the spear but runs into a huge boot to the face to put him back down again.  That gets 9 but Kane gets a chokeslam onto the table to half kill Edge!  Striker was sent flying and is partially pinned under the table in a funny looking visual.  Edge uses Striker to pull himself back up and beat the count.  That was kind of funny actually.

The challenger is all fired up here and he throws a chair into the ring.  Make it a pair of them.  He goes up but Edge pelts a chair at his head to take Kane down one more time.  That looked sick.  BIG chair shots to the knee have Kane in big trouble.  The spear hits but Edge isn’t happy yet.  He goes out and gets the pelted chair and hits a Conchairto to the knee of Kane, which is enough to end this at 17:20 shown of 20:50.

Rating: B. This was a fun brawl with some fairly creative spots, namely Edge using Striker to get up.  I like the ending as instead of the spear it was instead the spear that set up the Conchairto to end Kane.  That’s a nice touch and it prevented the match from ending stupidly with a spear ending Kane when nothing else could.  I liked it rather well and the ending only made it better.  Good match.

Intercontinental Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston

They’re certainly pushing this as a huge show with the title matches and all that jazz.  Striker calls Vickie the female version of Rosie O’Donnell.  Why are so many people obsessed with Rosie?  What has she ever done?  Nice reaction for Kofi here.  We get a quick video of last week’s match where Dolph more or less stole the win from Kofi which is true only to a degree.

Kofi hammers away to start as Cole says that Kofi needs to move on instead of trying to get the title back time and time again.  Neckbreaker by Dolph gets two.  Off to a clear choke that they’re going to call a chinlock because they want to I guess.  Splash in the corner misses though and here comes Kofi.  These two have some solid chemistry together to be sure.

A rollup by Ziggler with some tights gets two.  They’re moving very fast out there.  Trouble in Paradise misses and it’s off to the Sleeper!  Kofi simply grabs the hands and rips the hold off and gets the SOS for an incredibly close two.  Middle rope suplex is blocked by Dolph.  I know it seems like I’m flying through this but there is almost nothing between these fast moves.  After Kofi knocks Dolph off the ropes to block the suplex, the HUGE crossbody ends this perfectly clean at 5:31.  That came out of nowhere!

Rating: B. Ok, this grade is going to require some explanation as to how it can be equal to the first match and I think it might clear up a bit about my grading system in general in case some people think I’m a bit inconsistent.  While I’m giving this match the same grade, it’s certainly not as good as the first one.  There are two key differences though.

The first is that the opener was meant to be a long brawl, as evidenced by giving it nearly four times as long to work with.  That match had time to work out spots and to be a brutal fight, whereas this was supposed to be fast paced and exciting.  Different styles of match, but both well done.

Second, which ties into the first, was the ending.  Dolph literally turned around to get hit by the cross body.  Kofi is already horizontal when Dolph sees him.  I love matches that end very quickly and with moves that aren’t finishers.  To the fans it looked like another big move that Kofi would hit to get a two count.  Instead it’s over and the fans are surprised.  That’s an excellent touch and it keeps the matches interesting.

As for the match itself, one important thing to make clear is that this was NOT a squash.  Dolph was definitely in this the whole time and Kofi got a big shot in to get the win.  That’s very important as it keeps Dolph looking strong while still switching the title.  This was a very fun and fast paced match which is what you come to expect from these guys.  Good stuff.

Dolph, ever the villain, destroys Kofi post match.  Vickie gets on the mic and says that since Teddy isn’t here tonight, Dolph gets a rematch RIGHT NOW!

Intercontinental Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler

LOUD Kofi chant but he’s more or less d…..and screw that as he hits Trouble in Paradise and it’s over in 43 seconds!  That kick looked great.

Rating: B-. Well the opening 13 seconds were very weak but they picked it WAY up in the next 19.  The final 21 were completely awesome though and it definitely was good enough to make this a passable match.  Dang man those final 21 seconds with Kofi rolling Dolph over for the cover were more exciting than the entire Flair vs. Steamboat trilogy.

After a break Dolph is yelling at Vickie and telling her that was a boneheaded move.  Vickie blames him so Dolph says that maybe she should get a new boyfriend.  He leaves and she screeches in a terrifying voice.  I’ll be sleeping with the lights on tonight after hearing that.

Long recap of the cage match Monday.

Kelly is on the way to the ring when Drew stops her.  He says he’s a different person than he is out there.  This was allegedly supposed to be used for Tiffany and not Kelly, which means absolutely nothing but this is a short segment and I need something to talk about.  Drew wants to earn her trust and wants her support in his #1 contenders match tonight.  She smiles and says thanks and leaves.

Cody vs. Drew vs. Show for the #1 contender spot up next.

Cody Rhodes vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Big Show

See I told you it was up next.  Cody does look good in the jacket.  I have to give him that.  Could Drew look any more like a natural face than he does?  And here’s Vickie of course.  She makes it a fatal fourway with Dolph thrown in too.

Cody Rhodes vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Big Show vs. Dolph Ziggler

Drew has a headache and is still tired from the previous two matches.  Show looks very ticked off about the extra person being added in.  They all surround Show who is like screw it and beats up all three guys.  Drew is tossed to the floor first and then the other two get beaten on a bit as well.  Down to Show vs. Cody which is a mini-feud at least.  Dolph breaks up a pin by Show which gets him picked up by the hair and slammed down.

All Show for the first two minutes or so.  Channeling his inner Bobby Heenan, Cole says Show could have won this five minutes ago.  Stinkface to Cody has him gasping for air.  Show is busting out some of his old spots here like the Final Cut (Nightmare on Helm Street) and the one where he lifts up his leg and drops it onto the other guy’s chest like a standing legdrop (Wiki calls it the Showstopper but I’ve never heard that name for it before)

Drew has been in the ring maybe 20 seconds so far.  Big chop in the corner misses Dolph and Cody teams up with Dolph to beat down the Giant.  And that fails completely as Show blocks a double Irish Whip and sends both guys flying over the top with a simple tug.  Out on the floor Show is triple teamed and sent through the time keeper’s area.  He’s down but so is everyone else as we take a break.

Back with Cody vs. Dolph in the ring.  Cody goes for a moonsault but Drew shoves him off the top into the waiting arms of Big Show.  Cody gets back in to stop Drew from destroying Dolph and shouts that he’s #1.  He’s Paul Jones all of a sudden?  Drew back in now but Show is back up to a big reaction.  He picks off Drew and sends him flying on the floor and I think we’re about to pick up again.

Cody gets crushed in the corner and down goes Ziggler.  Show calls for the Chokeslam and out of nowhere Wade Barrett comes in to destroy Big Show!  A few big boots and a top rope elbow take down Show and Wade leaves.  Something to note there: Barrett just took down Show when three guys couldn’t.  Cody can’t steal the pin after the Beautiful Disaster but Ziggler manages to get the Zig Zag for two.

Futureshock gets two as this is ridiculous.  Show took a beating from Barrett, Cody’s second best move, Ziggler’s pin finisher and Drew’s finisher and is up a few seconds later.  We get that he’s a giant but don’t make him look invincible.  Cody and Dolph team up again but Dolph grabs the Zig Zag on him out of nowhere and gets the pin at 10:12 shown of 13:42.

Rating: C+. Fun match and told a decent story, but for the love of goodness I can’t stand Show being made to look invincible like he does with those power kickouts.  Doing that to one move is ok, but how weak does the Futureshock look when it can’t get a pin after all that softening up mere seconds before it?  This still was more good than it was bad though so points for that.

Michelle McCool vs. Kelly Kelly

Kelly looking GOOD tonight.  They’re flying through this show too with maybe two backstage segments so far tonight.  Michelle charges into the corner to start but Kelly gets a choke with her legs while hanging upside down over the ropes.  Michelle fights that off with ease and goes after Kelly’s leg.  Kelly manages to get a headscissors to take her down and sets for the K2.  Michelle casually counters into the Faithbreaker to end this in 1:42.  Not quite a squash but you could call it that pretty easily.

Laycool beats down Kelly post match until Drew runs down for the save.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio

2/3 falls here.  This show has been PACKED with wrestling so far at a level I haven’t see in a long time.  Before we start Alberto says that it’s his destiny to win the Rumble.  He talks about how there are pure Latinos and then the rest of them, who are car washers, gardeners, and Rey Mysterio.  I like that.

Rey starts us off here with some speed moves and wants the 619 maybe 75 seconds in.  Alberto ducks and the Cross Armbreaker makes it 1-0 in 1:37.  I was under the impression that there would be no math.  We get a graphic telling us that it’s 1-0.  Are fans really that stupid?  After a quick break we’re back with Rey in an armbar and then taking a big backbreaker to put him down again.

Rey gets sent to the floor as we debate if Rey tapped out just to break the hold, which would make sense.  A big rana takes down Alberto but Rey can’t capitalize immediately.  Alberto gets up and goes for the armbreaker again but Rey turns into it and gets a rollup for two.  619 can’t hit again but a cradle gives Rey the 1-1 tie at 8:12 (total time elapsed) and we take our second break of the match.

Back with Alberto holding another armbar as Rey is in more trouble.  Del Rio gets caught by the usual speed and leverage moves from Rey but Del Rio fights Rey off with a Codebreaker to the arm.  The fans chant 619 over and over and Rey gets a body scissors into a DDT for two.  Rey tries to go up but Del Rio gets to the ropes and down comes the masked man.  He’s caught in the Tree of Woe so Del Rio hammers away.

Alberto goes up for a suplex while being on the outside.  In other words he’s trying to suplex Rey to the floor.  Rey’s arm is really hurting him here.  I’m not sure why Alberto isn’t getting back in the ring but rather is fighting from the apron.  Rey gets a 619 around the post to take down Alberto.  Rey gets a big dive to take out Alberto and Ricardo and get a big reaction from the crowd.  Del Rio gets back in but Ricardo grabs Rey’s ankle and it’s a countout to give Del Rio the win at 11:53 shown of 18:53 total.

Rating: C+. This was pretty good for the most part but I wasn’t feeling it for some reason.  Rey losing on the countout to end the match doesn’t do it for me at all.  If you’re going to have Rey lose in the end, have it be to the armbreaker.  Del Rio still looks good but at the same time the ending feels kind of silly.  Decent match but I didn’t like it for some reason.

Rey beats up Ricardo a bit post match including a 619 and the springboard splash.

The announcers recap the show and announce Show vs. Barrett next week.

Overall Rating: A. This show was packed and it worked the whole night.  With two nearly 20 minute matches plus a title change and a new #1 contender, how in the world can you argue against this one?  Oh and I forgot that Barrett is here now too which is good as the show is dying for star power.  I really enjoyed this show with it being so wrestling heavy.  Good stuff indeed and a great way to kick off the year.

Results

Edge b. Kane – Conchairto to Kane’s Leg

Kofi Kingston b. Dolph Ziggler – Top rope Cross Body

Kofi Kingston b. Dolph Ziggler – Trouble in Paradise

Dolph Ziggler b. Cody Rhodes, Big Show and Drew McIntyre – Zig Zag to Rhodes

Michelle McCool b. Kelly Kelly – Faithbreaker

Alberto Del Rio b. Rey Mysterio two falls to one

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 31, 2012
Location: Verizon Center, Washington, D.C.
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

It’s the final show of the year, unless you count the other shows that were taped after this. For the second week in a row, we’ve got a show that probably shouldn’t happen but is anyway because WWE believes people want to sit around on New Year’s Eve and watch their pretty lame shows. We’re getting close to Rumble time but the first show of next year has the Rock and a title match so odds are we’ll hear about next week more than the PPV. Let’s get to it.

Here’s MizTV to open the show. Apparently tonight is a Championship Special, meaning all titles (minus the WWE Title I’m assuming) are on the line and the champions get to pick their opponents. Miz’s guest is Cena who tells us all happy holidays. Miz talks about Cena being on the show before when the AJ saga was going full scale. Tonight, Cena is going to be a guest at Ziggler and AJ’s champagne toast.

This brings out the Rhodes Scholars for no apparent reason with Damien quoting T. S. Elliot. Cena quotes RG3 (Redskins’ quarterback) and says the Scholars suck. Cena looks at Cody’s mustache and Sandow makes fun of the two of them going from main eventing Wrestlemania to being in the Scholars’ shadows. Cena wants a tag match RIGHT NOW and apparently he’s getting one. Cole: “Did you ever think you would see Miz and Cena on the same team?” You mean the former WWE Tag Team Champions Cole?

Rhodes Scholars vs. John Cena/The Miz

Cena and Cody start things off but a fast tag to Miz lets him come in with a top rope ax handle. Off to Sandow who is knocked to the floor almost immediately and we take a break. Back with Cena hitting a suplex on Sandow and hooking a chinlock. Off to Miz who fights out of the heel corner during a discussion of his mustache. Ten punches in the corner and a big left hand get two for Miz but Cody pounds him into the other corner to take over.

Damien hits the Wind-Up Elbow before it’s back to Cody for more chinlockery. Sandow comes back in and gets small packaged for two but he blocks the tag to Cena. Cody hooks a quick armbar before it’s back to Sandow for a knee drop. The match keeps going as Cody comes back in again for more really basic offense. Miz blocks a bulldog though and there’s the hot tag. It’s Sandow that gets to take the finishing sequence but Cody takes Cena down with the Disaster Kick. Cody walks into the Finale and Cena hits the AA on Sandow for the pin at 12:04.

Rating: C-. This got dull during the middle but you can’t say they’re not at least trying to make the fans accept Miz. Having him hang out with Cena is as good a way as you can make the people cheer him as there is in WWE, so why not try it? As usual though, Cole’s commentary made my head hurt.

There’s a New Year’s Party going on in the back of course. Ziggler runs into Vickie and gets a match with Sheamus as a result. I guess they’re done.

January 14 is the 20^th anniversary show so they can hopefully have a good rating.

The Prime Time Players dance in the back when Heyman and Punk come up to Vickie. Punk has brought his doctor to prove that his injury is indeed real. Vickie says that’s ok and asks Punk who he would have defended against tonight. Punk says Ryback of course, which leads to Ryback vs. the Shield in a handicap match after Punk whines about disrespect.

Here’s Cesaro to run down America. This brings out the only man you call when there’s someone anti-American and Jim Duggan is busy.

US Title: Antonio Cesaro vs. Sgt. Slaughter

Slaughter slaps him in the back to start but is promptly caught in a chinlock. A quick Cobra Clutch is countered by Antonio grabbing the rope and the Neutralizer ends this in 1:47. Were you expecting anything else?

Antonio hits another Neutralizer and there’s no Khali to make the save for some reason.

HELL NO is in the back pacing back and forth. They wanted to face the Shield tonight but now there’s no one to fight. All hail the great new tag division! Anyway they hear strange noises from behind a sliding door, and find 3MB singing. We’ve got opponents.

At the party Big Show asks Ricardo if he wants a title match tonight and apparently Show has picked him. Ricardo spills a drink on Show’s boot so Show scares Rodriguez a bit more.

Elsewhere, Kaitlyn brings Mae Young tot he party. Eve comes up and makes fun of her and picks Mae to face for the title shot. Oh joy.

Tag Titles: HELL NO vs. 3MB

It’s Slater/McIntyre here. We get a Nexus reunion to start with Daniel vs. Heath. Slater gets in a quick shot but walks into a surfboard and Kane. Didn’t Slater lose to Kane on the first season of NXT? Off to McIntyre as Cole talks about Auld Lang Syne. Back to Bryan who gets caught on the mat and stomped a bit before being low bridged to the floor. Mahal hits a running knee to the head and Bryan is in trouble.

Slater hooks a chinlock as Lawler makes band jokes. Bryan and Slater hit stereo cross bodies as Cole remembers there’s a tag title match going on. Hot tag brings in Kane for some slams and a leg drop (brother!). The side slam gets two on McIntyre and there’s the top rope clothesline. Slater is thrown to the floor and the chokeslam/Swan Dive retains the titles at 6:06.

Rating: C. Cole and Lawler sounded as bored as I’ve heard them sound in years out there. Can you really blame them though? We had two comedy teams against each other here, which is the problem with this show: why would the champions difficult opponents for themselves? Odds are we’ll see one title change hands tonight for fan service, which is better than nothing but it doesn’t make the rest of the show any easier to get through.

We recap the opening tag match.

Here are Punk, Heyman, and Punk’s doctor with something to say. Heyman talks about how Punk has been champion for 407 days which is rather impressive. Punk talks about everyone he’s beaten over the course of the last year and names them off as usual. Apparently people are questioning how real his knee is, with some even calling if felonious. Punk’s doctor, looking no more than about 24, with x-rays of what a good knee looks like compared to Punk’s knee. The doctor says that Punk can’t compete next week.

Cue Vince who has a different opinion I’m guessing. He suggests that Punk is trying to weasel his way out of the defense against Ryback and says next week that WWE physicians will look at Punk’s knee before next week. Vince thinks there’s something up between Punk and/or Maddox and the Shield. Punk is offended and denies an association with the four guys listed again. If Punk doesn’t go next week, Heyman takes his place.

Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler

Sweet Christmas how many times do we have to watch these two fight? Sheamus pounds him down to start and drops an elbow for two. Lawler makes jokes about AJ’s romantic issues over the year. Remember, this is JERRY LAWLER talking about someone’s relationship issues. Langston breaks up the ten forearms in the ropes and we take a break.

Back with Ziggler holding a quickly broken chinlock followed by the jumping DDT for two. The jumping elbow gets the same and Ziggler pounds away. We hit the chinlock again for a bit until Sheamus fights out. A powerslam puts Ziggler down and there’s a middle rope fallaway slam for a delayed two.

Sheamus goes up but gets crotched almost immediately, only to shove Ziggler down twice and hit the top rope shoulder for two. Dolph escapes the Cloverleaf but can’t escape White Noise for no cover. Langston breaks up the Brogue Kick but Shemaus sends Ziggler to the floor to escape the Zig Zag. Sheamus and Langston stare each other down and here’s the Shield for the DQ at 12:46.

Rating: C. To say I’m over this matchup would be the understatement of the year. For those two of you counting, this makes Sheamus 10-0 in singles matches and 18-1-1 in singles and regular tags against Dolph this year. Yet they wonder why Ziggler isn’t over in the main event scene. Anyway, the usual Ziggler vs. Sheamus match here with a screwy finish.

The Shield beats Sheamus down and hits the Triple Bomb on him.

Barrett comes up to Kofi in the back to set up their title match later tonight.

Brad Maddox asks Punk and Heyman for another shot. Heyman throws Maddox out. GO PAULIE GO!

Mae Young has a stomach ache and has to be examined. The doctor declares her pregnant. Mae: “Not again!”

Eve comes out to brag about how she would have defended against Mae tonight, and wants to be declared winner by forfeit. Oh wait she needs a photographer first. Instead she gets Kaitlyn. You know, BECAUSE THIS HASN’T HAPPENED ENOUGH YET. Kaitlyn charges the ring and beats Eve down and I don’t think there’s going to be a match. Ignore the referee in the ring I guess. Eve gets her belt and bails.

Alberto says he should get the shot instead of Ricardo. Rodriguez says he’ll win the title in Del Rio’s honor. Alberto apologizes for treating Ricardo badly over the years and says he’ll be there for Ricardo tonight. He also gives Rodriguez his scarf to make him look like a champion. Ricardo gets to drive Alberto’s car to the ring tonight too. See, THIS is the kind of stuff that makes people sympathize with Alberto more, unlike Miz who is the same guy he was before the turn. SHOW US how they’re different and we’ll buy it.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Ricardo Rodriguez

Ricardo is in his tuxedo here. He goes for a leg to start and then the pain begins. Show hits a big chop in the corner and shouts in a Spanish accent. He talks trash to Alberto, allowing Ricardo to get a boot up in the corner followed by a running enziguri in the corner. Show’s boot out of the corner is countered into a kind of Stunner onto the knee, but Ricardo jumps into a big chop out of the corner. Show loads up the WMD when Alberto runs in for the DQ at 2:27.

Alberto kicks Big Show down and leaves, before doing THE WINK. I missed that thing.

Intercontinental Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett

Kofi is defending and fires off some kicks to start. As soon as the bell rang, the place went silent. Kofi does his leapfrogs into the back elbow into a dropkick for two. He rolls out of a top wristlock and tries Trouble in Paradise but Wade bails away. A clothesline puts both guys on the floor and we take our second break in less than five minutes. Back with Barrett in control via a boot to the face that is ONLY available from the WWE App. I know this because it was shown on Raw as Cole told us it was only available on the WWE App.

Barrett gets two off the pumphandle slam and fires away knees to the face. The boot in the ropes misses and Kofi kicks Wade to the floor. A springboard dive takes Barrett down and they head back in for Kofi to kind of botch a counter to the Boss Man Slam into a sunset flip for two. SOS gets two followed by Kofi’s punches in the corner being countered into a powerbomb for two on Kofi. The kick misses again and I think we have something cut out before the Wasteland gets two. Barrett runs Kofi over and kicks him in the head, but Kofi misses the springboard cross body. The Bull Hammer gives Barrett the title at 12:28.

Rating: C+. I was digging this match by the end even though the booking is annoying. Barrett winning the title is fine because Kofi is going to be stuck in the midcard area he’s in for years to come, which is fine. The match was solid enough and that’s what it needed to be, but I see absolutely no reason why this didn’t happen at TLC. All that match accomplished was making sure both guys have one clean win over the other, which is just stupid.

In the back, Mae is ready for delivery.

For some reason we recap last week’s Santa stuff. Nice job of enforcing that face push for Del Rio.

Santino and Zack show up to the party as Mae is about to deliver. HELL NO comes in and argue over whether or not this shouuld happen. Santino can see the baby coming. It’s Hornswoggle, complete with a hat, a banner saying Happy New Year, and a cigar. I have….nothing. My jaw is hanging open, I have no idea what I just saw, I don’t want to ever think about this again.

And now, here’s the Shield!

Ryback vs. The Shield

The brawl starts in the aisle before the bell and the beatdown begins until Sheamus runs down for the save. He gets beaten down as well until Randy Orton returns to make the real save. Good thing it wasn’t a long term injury. Methinks this is a six man for the Rumble. The non-Shield guys clear the ring. No match here.

It’s 10:45 and it’s time for the closing segment. Ziggler and AJ are in white and Langston is in his gear. Dolph complains about Cena winning Superstar of the Year and then Cena vs. Rock got Match of the Year, which Cena lost. Then the next night Lesnar returned and laid Cena out. Then Cena Lost to Johnny Ace. Then Cena lost his cash-in attempt. Then Ziggler beat Cena at TLC thanks to AJ.

Ziggler talks about how Cena is the same guy he was ten years ago (no he isn’t) and how it’s now Ziggler’s time. Cena is officially uninvited to the toast, so Langston is tasked with keeping Cena out of the ring. Ziggler and AJ kiss and here’s Cena. He says Ziggler is right and if you judge the year by how it goes out, 2012 was the year of Dolph and AJ.

Cena rips on AJ’s romance issues and we get the always “funny” fake photos of AJ and Ziggler shopping for wedding clothes and baby pictures. It’s a set of pictures of AJ’s children with various wrestlers’ faces superimposed, including Mr. Fuji, Eve, Matilda the Bulldog and Hillbilly Jim. Cena talks about how he’s been here ten years and had one bad year. Ziggler on the other hand has been here and has been a caddy then a cheerleader and now he carries around a briefcase. Cena enters the Rumble and promises to be champion next year.

John goes off on a rant about Ziggler and AJ wearing white and says that even though his uniform has never changed over the years (yeah it has), his message and resolve never have. Cena offers a toast to them to end the year…..and brown stuff that apparently smells bad falls from the ceiling onto Ziggler and AJ to end the show. Let’s see: superimposed images, Mae Young and human waste. It’s the WWE comedy triple pack!

Overall Rating: D+. Every good thing about last week’s show was absent tonight. There was no joy to this show at all and the “comedy” was excruciating. I mean, of all the things from the 90s to bring back, they pick Mae Young being pregnant? I get that it’s a one night thing but seriously, MAE YOUNG BEING PREGNANT IS WHAT YOU BRING BACK? The ending segment had its moments, but the “comedy” again brings it down. Next week has to be better than this one at least.

Results

John Cena/The Miz b. Rhodes Scholars – AA to Sandow

Antonio Cesaro b. Sgt. Slaughter – Neutralizer

HELL NO b. 3MB – Swan Dive to McIntyre

Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when the Shield interfered

Big Show b. Ricardo Rodriguez via DQ when Alberto Del Rio interfered

Wade Barrett b. Kofi Kingston – Bull Hammer

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 24, 2012
Location: Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Greetings and welcome to the dumbest idea WWE has had in YEARS. That’s right, it’s a three hour show on CHRISTMAS FREAKING EVE. You know, the night when the target audience goes to bed early to make sure they’re up early the next morning. I’m REALLY not looking forward to this and odds are it’s going to suck because they don’t want to waste good ideas. Let’s get to it.

We open with the roster singing a WWE themed Christmas carol which to be fair is pretty funny stuff.

Here’s Santa Claus to be guest host tonight. He’s handing out presents….and gets run over by Alberto’s car. In something I never thought I’d have to say, Santa does a stretcher job. He gives a thumb up as we take a break. This was so campy that it was hilarious.

Back with Booker telling everyone to get through the night because that’s what Santa would want. Everyone yells at Del Rio when Cena comes in to really rub it in. Alberto says it wasn’t his fault, so Booker makes Cena vs. Del Rio in a Miracle on 34^th Street Fight. Cena: “I’LL DO IT FOR SANTA!”

Cody Rhodes vs. Kane

Kane throws him around to start but Cody comes back with a dropkick to the knee. Rhodes is sent to the floor but manages to send Kane’s arm into the post from the outside. Not bad. Back in and a middle rope dropkick gets one on Kane. Cole: “Kane is in his Christmas gear in red here.” Cody works over the arm as the match slows down a lot. A side slam puts Cody back down and there’s the clothesline from the top. Rhodes goes after the arm to block the chokeslam and hits the Disaster Kick to the shoulder. That means absolutely nothing as the chokeslam pins Cody at 5:53.

Rating: C. Just a match here as the Scholars and HELL NO continue to fight despite the champs beating them every single time they’ve fought. I don’t know of anyone who has fallen further in a year than Cody has, as he hasn’t done a thing of note this year aside from grow an overly popular mustache. Nothing to see here.

Rosa Mendes/Tamina Snuka/Aksana/Eve Torres vs. Alicia Fox/Natalya/Kaitlyn/Layla

Natalya and Aksana start things off as this is your usual excuse to have eight chicks in sexy Christmas outfits. Aksana gets beaten up so it’s off to Alicia who is thrown around by the hair. Off to Layla who I’m digging as a blonde. Rosa distracts Layla so Tamina can get in a shot so the match can drag on even longer. Layla finally comes back with a dropkick and it’s off to Kaitlyn to clean house. A shoulder gets two on Eve and everything breaks down. We get the parade of finishers (Aksana’s is a spinebuster) and Kaitlyn pins Eve at 5:27 after a gutbuster.

Rating: D. Eve looked great, Layla looked great, the rest didn’t look bad, that’s it. These matches happen every year and no one cares other than 13 year old boys. Kaitlyn needs to beat Eve for the freaking title already so no one can care anymore for the next few months again. Nothing to see here.

AJ and Dolph cuddle up and watch TLC.

We recap Santa’s injuries.

Here are some lumberjacks for the next match.

Big Show vs. Sheamus

Lumberjack match as I said. They shove each other around to start until Sheamus grabs a headlock. This is non-title as well. Show shoves him around a bit but gets guillotined on the top rope, allowing Sheamus to hit the ten forearms and the shoulder off the top. The Brogue Kick is loaded up but Show hits the floor and we hit a break.

Back with Show running over Sheamus before cranking on Sheamus’ arm. He even sings a Christmas song as he cranks. Sheamus grabs Show’s nose to escape but a slam attempt doesn’t work. We head to the floor where the lumberjacks work over Sheamus as they’re required to do. Back in and Sheamus is suplexed down for no cover, allowing Tensai to get in a cheap shot on Sheamus.

Show goes for some punches in the corner but Sheamus comes out of it with an electric chair drop. Cool visual there. Sheamus pounds away but gets caught in a chokeslam for two. Show’s standing legdrop gets two and the champ is getting frustrated. We hit a LONG bearhug until Sheamus punches his way out of it. Sheamus pounds away in the corner but gets caught by a clothesline for two.

A big old elbow gets two more for Show so he loads up the Vader Bomb. Naturally it misses so there’s White Noise for two. A Brogue Kick is blocked and the pale one is sent to the floor, triggering another brawl. Back in and Show misses the WMD, allowing Sheamus to hit a GREAT Brogue Kick for the pin at 14:00.

Rating: C+. These two work well together as always, but it doesn’t say much when a PPV match is now thrown onto TV with the world champion getting pinned 100% clean in the middle of the ring. Sheamus vs. Show simply does not need to continue, but since there are barely any top heels on Smackdown anymore, what else is Sheamus supposed to do?

Sheamus and the good lumberjacks clear the ring.

We get the Miz segment with the Muppets from Tribute to the Troops.

Here’s Otunga to explain why Santa was at fault earlier. Cue Ryder to say how stupid this is and squash Otunga.

Zack Ryder vs. David Otunga

Ryder starts fast and gets two off some clotheslines. Otunga takes it into the corner and pounds away a bit before getting two off a posing neckbreaker. We hit an early chinlock which goes nowhere, so Otunga goes back to the clotheslines. Back to the chinlock as we have another match that is going on longer than it has any right to do. Ryder fights up and hits his usual stuff like the middle rope dropkick and the Broski Boot. After the first one is blocked, the Rough Ryder gets the pin at 4:53.

Rating: D. If it wasn’t clear earlier that they were filling in time tonight with anything they could find, I think they’ve proven it now. Nothing to see here but the fans still respond to Ryder. Not like he should have another shot or anything, because he’s just done in a few months what writers can’t accomplish in months: getting himself over.

Booker and Teddy are in the back when Brad Maddox comes in. The usual results follow and his opponent will be an elf.

Kofi Kingston/The Miz vs. Antonio Cesaro/Wade Barrett

Miz and Cesaro start things off with Antonio shoving him around with ease. Now Miz frustrates Cesaro before hitting a flapjack for two. Barrett comes in and pounds away a bit before getting dropkicked down for two. Off to Kofi to work on the English dude’s arm. Wade bails from Trouble in Paradise and here’s Cesaro again. A kind of spinebuster puts Kofi down and the heels take over again.

Barrett comes back in for a surfboard hold, followed by a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. There’s the gutwrench suplexe from Cesaro and we hit a fast chinlock. Kofi kicks him away and there’s the not very hot tag to Miz. He cleans house on Barrett before hitting the top rope ax handle for no cover. The Finale is broken up by Cesaro but Miz kicks Wade into the ropes. Kofi kicks Wade in the head, allowing Miz to hit the Finale for the pin at 5:56. Barrett got pinned if that wasn’t clear.

Rating: C-. Not much to see here but they’re still trying to give Miz a push no matter how awkward it’s coming off so far. At least they’re trying hard for once. Other than that though, nothing to see as AGAIN they’re just letting these feuds continue for the sake of letting them continue. Wasn’t Miz feuding with Sandow though?

Santa is still hurt.

AJ gives Ziggler his MITB case and takes off her robe to reveal a Ziggler shirt and her tiny shorts. Kissing ensues.

Brad Maddox vs. Great Khali

Maddox tells Khali that he (Khali) isn’t an elf. Maddox gets the chest chops that he deserves and is sent to the floor where Horny works him over a bit. Brad goes after the knee and takes Khali down, working on the knee in the process. A chop puts Maddox down but he poses from one knee. Brad goes to the middle rope, gets chopped, clotheslined and hit with a Punjabi Plunge for the pin at 3:12 Screw rating this. It was a squash and that’s it.

Khali and Horny sing and dance.

Here are Punk and Heyman to make fun of Christmas carols and Pittsburgh. Punk makes fun of the Steelers by saying he’s a Cubs fan. Girl in the audience: “WHO ARE THE CUBS?” Idiot. Punk says Ryback has ruined Christmas and Hanukah, but has Ryback been punished? Of course not. Instead, he gets a title shot on the first Raw of the new year. Maybe Ryback should get a shot if there was ANY proof that Punk was working with Maddox or the Shield, but there’s no proof of that at all.

Punk complains about being in rehab and physical therapy over the holidays, unlike the Pittsburgh fans who are out bar hopping. Heyman talks about how Punk has been the victim of a conspiracy over the last 400 days. Ryback has failed in both of his title shots but he’s getting a third. Cue Ryback, who announces that the match on the seventh is a TLC match. He starts a TLC match and that’s that.

Daniel Bryan vs. Damien Sandow

It’s a battle of the classical music. Bryan shouts NO at Sandow when Sandow asks for silence. Bryan tries a fast NO Lock but Damien heads to the floor where Bryan hits the knee off the apron. Back in and there’s a running dropkick in the corner for one for Daniel. There’s the moonsault out of the corner by Bryan and it’s time for the kicks to the chest. A big kick misses though and Sandow rolls him up for tow.

Bryan is sent to the apron and into the buckle, knocking him to the outside. A few shots into the apron get two for Damien and we hit the chinlock. Sandow hits the Russian legsweep and Wind-Up Elbow for two. He loads up a superplex but gets knocked down, but Bryan misses the swan dive. Not that it matters as there’s the NO Lock for the tap out at 5:38.

Rating: C+. Another decent match here that really accomplished nothing. We get it: the champs can beat the Scholars. They’ve done it about ten times now, which means I’d bet on the Scholars getting the titles before the end of the Rumble. The match itself was fine, but there was nothing to remember in it at all.

Prime Time Players/Tensai/3MB vs. Brodus Clay/Santino Marella/Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd/Usos

Take 12 guys, throw them into a tag match I guess. Brodus and Young start and Darren has his arm worked on. Off to Tyson who continues the idea before hitting some dropkicks. Off to Tensai who suplexes Gabriel, only to get kicked in the face. Hot tag brings in Santino who gets taken down by Mahal. Off to Jey vs. O’Neal as we try to get everyone into the match.

Titus throws him around but gets sent into the corner, allowing for double tags to Jimmy and Slater. A Bubba Bomb puts Heath down and there’s the running Umaga attack in the corner. Everything breaks down and Brodus runs over everyone. Finishers are hit everywhere until everyone hits a big move on Slater. Jimmy hits the Superfly Splash on him for the pin at 6:13.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here but the ending with a bunch of finishers hitting in a row is almost always cool. The tag division is falling down again as only about two teams are getting to do anything anymore. Still though, at least these guys are getting on TV which is more than they’ve done in awhile.

HELL NO exchanges presents. Bryan gets a Slammy and Kane gets a puppy. Kane: “Thanks! I’m starving!” Bryan loses it and takes the puppy back.

AJ and Dolph read the Night Before Christmas, with AJ enjoying beating up Cena far too much. That’s a running theme tonight. The make out under some mistletoe and knock over the Christmas tree.

Santa is still unconscious but his heart monitor starts playing Jingle Bells. His feet start knocking together, and the fans ERUPT. You can’t beat the classics.

Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena

Street fight here. Cena pounds away in the corner to start and we quickly head to the floor. Del Rio whips him into the steps and goes after the arm. Isn’t Del Rio supposed to be a face? Back in and Alberto gets a mic, saying that what happened to Santa was an accident. Del Rio hits Cena with the mic, but Cena blocks another try and shouts SAAAAAAAAANTA before pounding away on Del Rio.

John heads to the floor to open a present, finding a chair. A few shots to Del Rio’s back get two as Ricardo pulls the referee to the floor. After a chase, Del Rio catches Cena coming in with a clothesline. Ricardo hands Del rio a present, and it’s a pie. You know whose head that is going upside. I hope Ricardo knows a good cleaner. They head up the ramp and Cena opens another package, finding a television monitor. Del Rio is knocked loopy as we take a break.

Back with Del Rio in trouble and opening another package. Inside this one…..is a teddy bear. Del Rio throws the bear at John, giving Cena the line of the night: Cena: “A BEAR? SERIOUSLY???” Ricardo gets wrapped up in a wreath and has a box broken over his head. Cena knocks Del Rio down and goes to look for another weapon. Fans: “USE THE TREE! USE THE TREE! USE THE TREE!” Del Rio gets crushed with the tree and Cena opens another box, finding a bowling ball. He rolls it down the ramp, hitting a perfectly placed Del Rio. Cena is a good shot actually.

John pulls out a fire extinguisher and sprays Del Rio down to make it a white Christmas. Cole and Jerry are probably reaching a record for the most Christmas puns in one night. Ricardo jumps on Cena’s back and actually chokes him down…..BUT SANTA IS BACK! He whacks Ricardo over the head with his bag of toys and puts an oven mit on his hand. That acts as a sock in this case for a mandible claw, which sets up the AA for the pin at 14:53.

Rating: B. If you didn’t like this match, I feel sorry for your non-existent soul. I had a blast with this match as it was exactly the kind of fun and goofy match that we needed to end a show like this. Seriously, how can you not have fun with something like this? The presents were a great touch and having Santa come out at the end was great.

Cena and presumably Mick Claus hug to end the show. Cena is worried about the time because Santa has work to do.

Overall Rating: B. I still say this show didn’t need to exist and should have been the Tribute to the Troops special, but the main event was very fun. Nothing here was bad at all and having the Santa story going through the show was fine. They didn’t add anything here and they really didn’t need to as no one is watching tonight. This was a fun episode but the rating is going to be lucky to crack a 2.0.

Results

Kane b. Cody Rhodes – Chokeslam

Kaitlyn/Alicia Fox/Natalya/Layla b. Rosa Mendes/Aksana/Eve Torres/Tamina Snuka – Gutbuster to Eve

Sheamus b. Big Show – Brogue Kick

Zack Ryder b. David Otunga – Rough Ryder

The Miz/Kofi Kingston b. Wade Barrett/Antonio Cesaro – Skull Crushing Finale to Barrett

Great Khali b. Brad Maddox – Punjabi Plunge

Usos/Tyson Kidd/Justin Gabriel/Brodus Clay/Santino Marella b. 3MB/Tensai/Prime Time Players – Superfly Splash to Slater

John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio – Attitude Adjustment

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Smackdown
Date: December 18, 2012
Location: Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Josh Matthews, John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

This is a special show so that they can start taping the holiday episodes sooner. This is live as well as commercial free for no apparent reason. After last night’s Slammys, we’ve got a lot of places we can go now, so hopefully the show tonight is as good as Raw was last night. It’s hard to say what to expect from these shows though as they can be hit or miss. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap from last night as you would expect a show to do anymore.

The main event is Cena/Sheamus vs. Big Show/Ziggler as you would expect.

We open with MizTV which has to be the most frequent talk show segment in years. The guests tonight are Ziggler and AJ who haven’t been confirmed as a thing yet. Langston is with them as well. Ok considering AJ and Ziggler kissed on the stage, maybe they are a thing. Miz asks why all of this stuff has happened and AJ says ask Cena why he played with her heart. She lost her job as GM to keep Cena’s good name clean and we get a clip of Cena kissing AJ.

AJ goes on a rant about having her heart broken by Cena. We get a clip from thre weeks ago with Cena and Vickie talking about the bows Vickie found in the locker room. Cena made fun of them, AND THAT IS A PLOT POINT. Yes, an eight second line about FREAKING BOWS is the reason this story is happening. Then Cena told AJ to stop coming to the ring with him, like she was some dirty little secret. Cena is supposed to be better than that, but he broke her heart. Therefore, she broke Cena’s chances at TLC.

Miz asks who Langston is so AJ says he’s Big E. Langston. Ok then. Miz doesn’t really care about what’s going on because AJ is crazy. Apparently that work ticks her off, but she’s proven to Dolph that she’s not crazy. He doesn’t care that Cena won Superstar of the Year, because he stole the show and Cena’s girl. Miz makes fun of AJ for being a sl** and says Ziggler is the sixth member of One Direction. Langston lays out Miz.

Teddy comes up to talk to Booker T with a prospect for a job later. It’s Brad Maddox and Booker goes off on Teddy. Long says that Brad is a good prospect because he has a big social media following. Booker gives him the chance because Teddy says Booker knows what a second chance means. What is with the references to him being an ex-con lately? Maddox gets the match and finds out his opponent later.

Damien Sandow vs. Sin Cara

Rey’s music hits for some reason but there’s no Rey. Cara speeds things up to start and Damien bails to the floor. Back in and Cara walks the corner for the armdrag, followed up by a springboard missile dropkick. Cody breaks up a springboard something and Cara is down on the floor. That gets two for Sandow back inside, as does a suplex. A quick chinlock goes nowhere so there’s the Russian legsweep.

The Wind-Up Elbow misses, but Sin can’t get anything going. Back to the chinlock for a bit until Cara escapes and hits a quick cross body. Cara dives on the Scholars on the floor….and here comes the Shield. They have Mysterio’s mask and throw it at Cara, allowing Sandow to hit the Terminus for the pin, appropriately enough at 6:19.

Rating: D+. Dull match here which didn’t go anywhere. Shield attacking various people is still a good idea, because at least they’ve proven they can back it up. Not a terrible match here, but once Mysterio didn’t show up it was clear that something was up and Shield is the right idea. We still need some reasoning behind these attacks, but it’s not bad yet.

Post match, Shield destroys Cara and hurts his knee, which is likely a way to get Cara off TV for a legit knee problem he’s been having.

Flo-Rida and Miss Piggy waste some time so we can get Cara out of the ring.

Santino Marella vs. Tensai

This is fallout from the presentation of an award last night. Santino grabs a headlock to start but Tensai runs him over. Santino does his power walk thing but stupidly tries to slam the big bald guy. Instead he escapes a powerslam and tries a German suplex. That goes nowhere and a slam completely fails. Off to a weak looking chinlock by the monster before a cross body is no sold. Santino does his signature stuff and finally slams Albert. The Cobra is blocked and Santino is put in a sleeper. The Cobra hits the top of Tensai’s head to no effect. The backsplash misses Santino and he steals a pin that was clearly going to him the whole time at 4:18.

Rating: D-. Tensai, go away. Get off of my television, go back to Japan, go to Belarus, go wherever will take you, but get away from me. You’re a joke, not interesting, not anything to see, and just annoying overall. Just go away already so no one can miss you. Why he was hired back I have no idea.

Cara has a severely injured knee.

We recap the Cena/Flair/Punk/Heyman/HELL NO/Shield/Ryback segment from last night.

Kofi and HELL NO are in the back with Kane telling Kofi to watch over his shoulder for the Shield tonight. Bryan looks ticked off and apparently he’s mad for not winning a Slammy last night. Kofi pulls his Slammy out. “You mean like this one?” They try to console Bryan by reminding him that he got to hang out with Flair, but make the mistake of saying Flair has the best catchphrase ever. Bryan: “NO! NO! NO!” Funny stuff.

Kofi Kingston/HELL NO vs. Prime Time Players/Wade Barrett

Mysterio apparently has a neck injury from the attack by Shield. Kofi and Titus start but Kingston goes right for Wade, allowing the heels to take over. Young gets dropkicked down and here’s Bryan to kick him a lot. There’s the surfboard hold by Bryan and it’s off to Kane for a low dropkick to Young’s chest. Back to Daniel for a dropkick of his own as I think this match is going to last awhile.

Bryan fires off the kicks to Young in the corner but gets caught in a Stun Gun to change the momentum. Barrett comes in to pound away for a bit, but Bryan dives away for a tag to Kofi. The IC Champion goes off on Wade but Young breaks up Trouble in Paradise, allowing Barrett to clothesline Kofi to the floor. The Players work over Kingston as we look at the crowd to see if Shield is coming. Apparently Mysterio’s neck injury is a SEVERE neck injury and not just a regular one. Good to know.

Barrett pounds away on Kofi a bit for two before it’s back to Young. Kofi finally comes back with a tornado DDT out of the corner, allowing for a double hot tag to Kane and Titus. The masked man takes over and hits a side slam for two. The top rope clothesline misses and there’s the Clash of the Titus to Kane, but Bryan makes the save. Everything breaks down and Darren gets the tag. Bryan pulls Titus to the floor and the chokeslam pins Young at 10:45.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but where are we supposed to go with either of these feuds? HELL NO has beaten the Players time after time, while Kofi has beaten Barrett in their PPV title match. Then again, these feuds are likely going to keep going because that makes it easier on the writers, and Heaven forbid they have to figure out something new.

It’s the top of the hour so let’s hit that recap button.

Sheamus explains some UK comedy show to Cena but he doesn’t get it. He says Langston is the strongest person he’s ever faced, which seems to turn Sheamus on. Sheamus asks what’s up with AJ. “You can tell me, no one is around.” Cena whispers in Sheamus’ ear and Sheamus starts to laugh but is disturbed by something Cena says. John says more though and Sheamus isn’t sure what to think. He looks scared but Cena was kidding him. Sheamus: “But is that even possible?”

Here are Punk and Heyman with something to say. Punk says the fans are going to look back in the years and be shocked that they didn’t vote Punk Superstar of the Year. He talks about how the fans clearly don’t care about winning and losing, meaning they’re the kinds of parents who put their kinds in t-ball where they don’t keep score so the kids don’t know how big of a failure they are. Punk rips on Cena for being a mockery of the words on his shirt: Hustle, Loyalty and Respect.

This turns into an anti-Flair promo because Punk says he never loses. He’s been champion for nearly 400 days and he’s still here two weeks after having knee surgery. He’s not on strike like the Pittsburgh Penguins because he doesn’t have an off season. No one can beat him, and here’s Ryback. You know, that guy that loses every match he’s in anymore. Ryback actually talks, and says that on the first Raw of the year, he’s getting his title shot against Punk.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Ryback

Ryback throws Cesaro to the floor to start and pounds his head into the mat back inside. The Goldberg chant start and Ryback hits the Thesz Press and a splash. All Ryback so far. Cesaro bails to the floor before the Meat Hook can hit and gets his belt to leave. Ryback heads to the floor and tries to throw Antonio back in, but Cesaro escapes and sends Ryback into the steps for a nine count.

Back in and Antonio hooks a cobra sleeper for a few moments. Ryback misses a charge in the corner, sending his shoulder into the post. A middle rope European Uppercut gets two for Cesaro and it’s off to a cravate. Ryback fights up and pounds Cesaro down before hitting the Meat Hook. Shell Shock gets the clean pin at 5:11.

Rating: C. Erg. If you need to put Ryback over someone to keep him strong, PICK SOMEONE OTHER THAN THE FREAKING UNITED STATES CHAMPION. This was just a step above a squash as the steps and post did way more damage to Ryback than Cesaro did. The match was nothing good either, but the fans were WAY into it.

We see Miz going through Navy training. He also flies a plane. Riveting stuff.

AJ comes up to Kaitlyn in the back and Kaitlyn doesn’t want to talk to her. Kaitlyn tells AJ she’s tired of this and a brawl breaks out.

Divas Title: Eve Torres vs. Kaitlyn

We get a freaking recap of the brawl that just happened ON A SHOW WITH NO COMMERCIALS. REALLY? We REALLY NEEDED THAT??? Kaitlyn gets thrown down to start and Eve hits her running flip splash for two. We head to the floor with Eve still in control. Nothing happens there so here’s a Downward Spiral for two by Eve.

Off to a chinlock by the champion (Eve if that wasn’t clear) until Kaitlyn gets two off a small package. A sloppy middle rope sunset flip gets two for Kaitlyn as does the reverse DDT. Kaitlyn dives onto Eve off the apron to the flor as this just keeps going. Kaitlyn goes up but Eve grabs the referee’s foot….AND THAT’S A DQ at about 5:20.

Rating: D. OH GOOD FREAKING GRIEF. If there was EVER a time to change this stupid belt, it was right here. Kaitlyn isn’t anywhere near good in the ring and now we have to sit through a long match until we get to THAT stupid ending? Give me a freaking break. Terrible match with a bad ending on top of that.

Ziggler says he’s a future world champion when Show comes up. He threatens Ziggler and Langston looks to stare Show down, only to have AJ stop him. Show threatens to kill Dolph if he tries to cash in tonight.

We recap the Sheamus/Show stuff from last night which included the attempted cash in by Ziggler, only to see Cena spoil it. Jerk.

Brad Maddox vs. Brodus Clay

Brodus pounds away with headbutts to start and drops some elbows. Maddox comes back with a quick dropkick to the side of the head for one and we hit the chinlock. Brodus comes back with a splash in the corner and suplex to set up the splash for the pin at 2:08. Same Maddox match as always.

Post match it’s the Shield to beat down Brodus. They actually hit the SuperBomb.

Dolph Ziggler/Big Show vs. John Cena/Sheamus

Apparently Santa Claus is hosting Raw on Monday. Shouldn’t he be working? Cena and Ziggler start things off with Dolph ducking under a Cena punch and strutting a bit. Off to Show so Cena can fire away punches with little effect. Show misses the chop and gets dropkicked into the corner. Show pounds him right back down again and it’s off to Ziggler for some elbow drops.

Cena backdrops Ziggler down but can’t make the tag before Show comes back in. He stays in for about two seconds so it’s back to Ziggler. Dolph misses a splash in the corner and there’s the tag to Sheamus. He hits the ten forearms on the apron but has to stop to punch Show before he can hit White Noise. The Cloverleaf is broken up with Sheamus being kicked to the floor. Show takes Sheamus’ head off and the match slows down again.

Sheamus gets pounded on now as we hit the second heat segment of the match. Show gets in his usual power stuff, followed by Ziggler pounding away for awhile with his usual stuff. Back to Show whose chokeslam is countered into a DDT to put both guys down. The double tag brings in Cena to face Ziggler and everything breaks down. Sheamus and Show head to the floor and then up the ramp as Ziggler gets two off the Zig Zag. There’s the AA to Dolph but Langston comes in for the DQ at 11:30.

Rating: C-. Why, it’s almost like this was EXACTLY THE SAME THING THEY DID LAST NIGHT. Good grief are the writers that creatively bankrupt? I mean, it’s the NEXT DAY and you can’t come up with another idea? This match did very little to make me feel better about this show, which has been the same story that this match had: no reason for it to exist.

The heels pose to end the show. Seriously, that’s it. Oh wait we do get a commercial for Tribute to the Troops because EIGHT HOURS OF TV THIS WEEK ISN’T ENOUGH.

Overall Rating: D. What in the world was the point in this being a special? The lack of commercials makes an already tiring show even more exhausting as you don’t get a breather if you want to see the whole thing. The main event was your standard main event tag match and it’s nothing to see at all. There’s nothing of note here and while it’s not a horrible show, it falls into the same category Smackdown stays in anymore: completely unnecessary viewing.

Results

Damien Sandow b. Sin Cara – Terminus

Santino Marella b. Tensai – Pin after Tensai missed a backsplash

HELL NO/Kofi Kingston b. Prime Time Players/Wade Barrett – Chokeslam to Young

Ryback b. Antonio Cesaro – Shell Shock

Kaitlyn b. Eve Torres via DQ when Eve grabbed the referee

Brodus Clay b. Brad Maddox – Splash

John Cena/Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler/Big Show via DQ when Big E. Langston interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews