Date: April 28, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: Queen Clouseau
Impact has had two straight decent if not good shows in a row. After last Monday’s rather weak draft show, maybe is their chance to have a couple straight weeks in a row better than Raw. I’d expect more of the same kind of build to Sacrifice as we saw last week, which resulted in some decent stuff. That being said, let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of the Angle vs. Jarretts thing last week and Angle talking about his mistress that will hurt Karen for him. Also we get a clip of the Sting vs. Hogan stuff from last week with the Network.
The Jarretts come out with all the women in the ring, including some women from catering. This is to find out who the mistress is. Karen has an umbrella to avoids falling feces. Karen starts with an older lady from catering. She says the catering woman is too nice to Kurt by trying to get to him through his stomach. The girl says really? She has pot roast to make. Maybe Jeff can take some tips from Jeff on how to flip burgers. Karen says Taco Tuesday sucks which ticks off Sarita and Rosita in a funny bit.
The catering lady leaves so Karen goes after Jolene the seamstress. Mickie isn’t here by the way. Jolene says it’s her job to run her hands over Kurt to find out his measurements. Karen throws her out too and moves on to Tessmacher. She points out that Tessmacher got to the building at the same time as Angle. “You mean at our jobs?” Karen asks about being at the gym with Kurt. “You mean like with the other 25 wrestlers?” These are the same questions the cops asked Goldberg when he was accused of stalking Liz on the night of the Fingerpoke of Doom.
Time for some racial stereotype jokes for Sarita and Rosita who she calls hot and spicy and rice and beans. Sarita curses in Spanish and says they’re MEXICAN America, not Americans. They leave also as it’s off to Madison and Tara with the boobs of doom. The two of them and Angle are all former TNA champions remember. Madison says Tara would lay down for Kurt because she’s a dirty slut. Tara spits on Madison and Madison implies Tara would try to sleep with Jeff.
That leaves Velvet as Winter and Angelina aren’t here either. Karen says that Velvet is at the end of her rope so she’s trying to get on Kurt’s. Karen implies Velvet is a whore and Kurt has to save Karen from a big slap. Velvet slaps Kurt and the catfight is on. Here come Winter and Angelina as Angelina beats up Velvet as the Jarretts leave. Winter tells So Cal Val to ring the bell as this is a match apparently.
Angelina Love vs. Velvet Sky
Angelina is controlling early as we get a referee and take a break. Back with Angelina choking away in the corner. She’s still in the trance as she dominates. This is a very slow paced match as Angelina has to show no emotion at all which is a decent character twist but it causes some boring matches.
Off to a chinlock for a bit which goes nowhere. Velvet hammers away but there’s no response from Angelina. Love chokes away and pounds on Velvet as this keeps starting and stopping. Velvet fires back with some facecrushers to the knee which the camera is able to cut away from in time to keep from seeing them miss the knee by a foot. Winter interferes though, allowing the Botox Injection (Bicycle Kick) to set up a choke to end this at 10:20.
Rating: D-. This was one of the worst female matches I’ve seen in a very long time. It went WAY too long and the moves were missing left and right. Angelina as a zombie is a cool character twist but at the same time they need something a bit different than the whole stand around, throw a punch every ten seconds and use Winter’s finisher to end this. Wasn’t impressed at all.
Anderson gets here 26 minutes into the show in a big truck. He wants his title shot.
Back with Matt Morgan looking for Steiner. Has he been walking around ranting for half an hour?
Anarquia vs. Chris Sabin
Christy Hemme is announcer tonight who is definitely an upgrade from Jeremy Borash visually. Anarquia says that next week we’re celebrating Cinco de Mayo. Sabin takes over quickly to start and gets something resembling a springboard double axe but he injures his knee on it. The replay shows that the knee bent in a way it wasn’t supposed to at all. A small package ends this at 1:21. Mexican America sets for the beatdown but ALEX SHELLEY returns for the save. If that’s a fake knee injury I’m rather impressed as the replay looked like his knee legit bent the wrong way.
Steiner is playing with a kids golf toy and says he jumped Morgan because he was there. Lots of censored words here as Steiner says he’d shoot himself if he had Morgan’s DNA. If Morgan is looking for him he’s not a hard man to find.
Back with Morgan finding Steiner who runs off. Morgan chases after him and Steiner jumps him and takes over in the war of alliteration. Morgan gets choked with a stick of some sort and lots more words are censored. Morgan fights back and chokes him with his boot. This is your weekly big brawl backstage. Steiner says he’s sorry but is thrown into a well placed refrigerator.
Sting goes up to Anerson’s truck in the back and pulls out the bat. Faster than you can say “Mr. Borden you have the right to remain silent”, Sting becomes a vandal on national TV. The fans cheer for this. Sting starts to leave but climbs up on top of the truck and hammers away some more. The lesson to be learned here: use public transportation.
Daniels vs. Gunner for the TV Title next.
TV Title: Gunner vs. Daniels
Gunner is the ace in the hole for Immortal apparently. Daniels uses his riveting style of strikes to take over but Gunner fires back with basic heel power offense. Crucifix gets two for Daniels as he strikes even more. Gordbuster (with Daniels landing on his head) gets two. Daniels shouts GIVE ME YOUR BEST and comes back with, you guessed it, more strikes. A running STO takes Gunner down as does a cross arm front slam off the top. Release Rock Bottom by Daniels sets up the BME but Gunner moves. Daniels goes face first into the post and an F5 gives Gunner the clean pin at 6:05.
Rating: C-. Not bad here and you can’t say they’re not pushing someone here. Gunner is something to keep an eye on as he looks good and isn’t bad in the ring. Daniels is apparently a midcard jobber already which doesn’t really shock me at all as that tends to be where he winds up. Nothing special here at all.
Here’s Sting who talks about how he’s trying to get rid of Hogan and Bischoff but Anderson won’t leave him alone. He calls out Anderson who has a bat in hand. Anderson asks point blank if Sting bashed out all the windows in his truck. Sting says he didn’t do it. Anderson: did you do it? Sting: No. Anderson: did you do it? Sting: Yes. Anderson pulls the bat back and says he’ll get it replaced because he’s rich.
Anderson promises to one-up Sting every time with these tricks. Since Sting has the power to pick his own opponents, Sting can make this end by picking Anderson for his title shot. Anderson wants it tonight but here’s RVD to cut him off. Van Dam says he’s glad Sting is being straight up with him and do whatever you have to do to get rid of Anderson. Sting says ok let’s do it tonight.
Here’s Hogan who says he loves to see Sting handing out title shots. If Sting wants a fight then he’ll get it. Hogan makes it a three way, adding in Bully Ray. Oh dear. Sting looks like he’d dead.
Joe talks about Crimson and liking his style with sticking Janice in the back of Abyss. Joe says the winning streaks they had aren’t the same because Crimson hasn’t been tested.
Crimson vs. Samoa Joe
We hear about Joe being undefeated for 18 months which was eventually broken by Angle. Crimson takes over to start and locks on a Cravate. Joe fires back and his strikes, including an enziguri for two. Nice overhead suplex by Crimson and a neckbreaker get two. Another enziguri misses for Joe so Crimson tries a suplex. The key word being try as Joe counters with the power of fat.
They slug it out and Crimson runs into the release Rock Bottom. We hit the floor and Abyss runs in for the DQ, drilling Crimson at 2:58. Match was good while it lasted. Joe looks at Abyss and walks off. The match is called a no contest, despite Crimson getting jumped. Shouldn’t that be a DQ win for Crimson? Black Hole Slam leaves Crimson laying.
Anderson says he doesn’t want a three way but he’ll take it anyway if it’s all he can get. More censored words here as I guess TNA isn’t PG.
Angle says that Karen isn’t even close with her guesses. The mistress might be here next week. It’s no one anyone knows apparently.
Here’s Mickie who says her goal is to be the best women’s wrestler ever. She dedicates the win to the fans and says it’s because of the fans that the roster can come out here and live their dreams. Short and to the point.
Ray is talking to Abyss and says Ray being champion would tick off the wrestling world. He’d trade in his 23 tag titles for one reign with it.
TNA World Title: Mr. Anderson vs. Sting vs. Bully Ray
Borash does the intro here. We get big match intros to kill some time. Sting goes after Anderson to start as Ray chills in the corner. The announcers play up Sting defending the title a lot recently so he might be a bit tired here. Ray jumps in and gets a side slam for two on Sting. We hit the standard three way formula as one guy dominates and gets a pin attempt on another while the third guy saves, then another guy takes over. Ray pulls Anderson off the top as we take a break.
Back and all three guys are in the same place meaning we missed nothing during the break. Anderson and Ray slug it out with Anderson going down via an elbow. Sting finally gets up and takes down both guys. Stinger Splash to Anderson and Sting avoids a charging Ray. Down goes the referee as Ray pulls the referee into Sting’s path. Ray picks up the pipe and pops Sting in the ribs with it, saying that was for Hogan. AJ comes in for the save and Sting gets a shot with the pipe to Ray for the pin at 11:35 total which was probably about 8:00 taking out the commercial.
Rating: C+. Not a terrible match here but three ways are hard to pull off when you have Bully Ray running the majority of the match. This was designed to set up Anderson saying he still hasn’t gotten his title shot, meaning more of the same for the coming weeks. Not bad, but really nothing we haven’t seen a bunch of times.
Anderson has the pipe as we go to a break.
Ray says AJ had no business being there. Now he’s cost Ray a title so AJ has to sleep with an eye open. Next time it’s concrete, not a table. Ray threatens AJ’s family and says AJ shouldn’t be here next week. AJ can’t hurt him because he’s a WARRIOR.
AJ says Ray will pay.
Scott Steiner says he beat up Morgan and that Morgan is half of the man Steiner is. He makes fun of Morgan for being a basketball player. Next week Steiner will get him.
The Jarretts say this has gone on too far. Preach it brothers!
Velvet complains about Karen and Angelina.
Karen says she doesn’t have any enemies so she doesn’t know who Kurt could have. And that’s it. No mention of Anderson and the pipe again at all.
Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t as good as what TNA has had for the past few weeks but it wasn’t anything too bad. A lack of Hogan and Bischoff helped this a lot I think as Hogan was only here for a quick promo about Ray and Bischoff wasn’t here tonight. The matches they’re going with for Sacrifice are pretty clear so I’d expect the card to get a lot more filled out in the next week with official announcements. Not a terrible show, but a slight step down from the last few weeks.
Angelina Love b. Velvet Sky – Choke Out
Anarquia b. Chris Sabin – Small Package
Gunner b. Christopher Daniels – F5
Samoa Joe vs. Crimson went to a no contest when Abyss interfered
Sting b. Bully Ray and Mr. Anderson – Sting pinned Ray after a shot with a steel pipe