Date: July 19, 2011
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: William Regal, Todd Grisham
We’re at episode 20 of this. I said episode 20. With no sign of this season ending, I really do wonder if they know where they’re going with this. It’s not like we haven’t seen these people wrestle a dozen or so times already anyway. The show is in desperate need of ending but since apparently FCW is so bad they can’t find five others to be in this, we’re stuck here some more. Let’s get to it.
We’re going to get the ending to Raw from last night later on apparently.
Maryse and Striker are in the ring and there’s a punching bag with Cole’s face on it. Here come the rookies. We go over the Redemption points which are totally worthless because Bateman has zero and O’Neil is so far ahead of everyone it’s unreal. This is the Dummy Demonstration which is why Cole’s face is on it. This is worth five points and apparently it’s whoever can have the best mini-match with the dummy. Are you serious?
Bateman makes fun of Titus and says he’s sorry to the dummy and loves it. I’ve been watching wrestling my entire life which is over 20 years. I have never, in my entire life, heard a crowd go as silent as they do when they get the idea of what this actually is. Bateman does some basic stuff and does something resembling commentary as he does it.
Young refuses to do it (give this man the prize right now!) because he’s proven himself already. Titus says Bateman should try those moves on him instead of the dummy. Whoever Young has faced doesn’t matter and Titus throws the dummy at Young who is on the floor. They actually ask the audience who won. Gee, could it be the person that has dominated the whole thing and is clearly the most popular? This very well may have been the biggest waste of time since the Gobbledygooker.
OH BOY!!! Now I get to watch Vladimir Kozlov vs. JTG! I’ve heard of Christmas in July but this is proof that the WWE is officially inside my head and knows everything I want to see!
JTG vs. Vladimir Kozlov
Before the match, JTG proves why he should never be handed a microphone and why I believe western civilization is in its decline, all in about 30 seconds. That’s impressive. We have to sit through an ad for WWE All-Stars first though. I wait on the edge of my seat! Remember that there’s some kind of a bet that Kozlov can’t be a gangster or something. I heard CM Punk has some experience with that so maybe Koz should go find the champ.
JTG takes over to start as Regal bashes him to keep up the tradition. Middle rope dropkick gets two. He takes Koz down again and stares at Regal before covering. Regal offers JTG lessons in how to finish opponents off. As long as he doesn’t go to Terri Runnels for advice on finishing guys off he’ll be fine. Chinlock goes on as this has been totally one sided. Koz fires back with his strikes but a powerslam doesn’t work. And never mind as that Iron Curtain or whatever it’s called ends this at 5:30.
Rating: D+. Fine from a wrestling perspective I guess but could they be padding these shows out any worse? Terribly boring match though as they were out there for a short amount of time and yet still managed to not be able to interest anyone in the crowd. At the end of the day they’re fighting over incredibly contrived angles and that’s not going to get them anywhere, especially with uninteresting matches.
Horny shows Maryse the candy he got last week and she says it’s not from her. He kind of humps her leg and she pours the candy on his head. Maryse leaves and he gets another package, this time an Ugly Doll. And yet that’s what they’re really called.
Yoshi’s shrine has been destroyed.
You know that line in the secondary theme song of “If I can make it through this, I can make it through anything” is WAY too accurate for this show.
Darren Young vs. Titus O’Neil
This is the 7th match that these two have had on this season alone, not counting triple threats or tags. Darren grabs a headlock which gets him nowhere as Titus hits a powerslam and abdominal stretch. He shouts out to the Minnesota crowd and no one cares. Big clothesline gets something close to a reaction and let’s hit that stretch again. Young tries to walk out and that doesn’t go well either. Darren gets tossed into the corner and crashes to the floor in a decent bump. They fight to the apron and Young manages a neckbreaker. Bateman (called Young by Grisham) comes out with a picture of Cole as we take a break.
Back with Young holding a chinlock. We talk about Daniel Bryan to fill some time as Titus fights back and hammers Young down in the corner resulting in a two count. Young stops him and we talk about some MITB cash-ins. Back to the chinlock as Horny plays cheerleader a bit. We get a Gordon Solie reference which is just an insult to his memory.
O’Neil gets a powerslam for two. Horny tries to come in for no apparent reason and Bateman trips O’Neil. Great line from the commentators: Todd: “Did you see that???” Regal: “No. I’m an old villain. I did NOT see that.” Doesn’t matter anyway because Titus hits the Clash of the Titus for the pin at 11:11.
Rating: D+. The match is boring because as I said earlier, this is the seventh time it’s happened. It’s not like this is Booker vs. Benoit and they can have seven entertaining matches. This pairing is played out, mainly because we’ve seen it so many times before and no one cares anymore. Scratch that. No one cares, period. Not bad, but Bateman added nothing to it at all.
Time for the Vince/HHH segment from last night, in its entirety. By that I mean including the Vince/Cena stuff. Huge moment and I can totally understand it airing here.
Overall Rating: F. Let’s see. In about 50 minutes we had a segment that involved performing moves on a dummy which was won by someone that didn’t actually do any moves on it, a match between two guys who don’t have Pros on the show anymore and literally the 7th match between the same guys this season, followed by a segment long enough that I was able to take a shower during it. What grade did you think I was going to give this?
Titus O’Neil won the Dummy Demonstration Challenge
Vladimir Kozlov b. JTG – Iron Curtain
Titus O’Neil b. Darren Young – Clash of the Titus