Monday Nitro – September 4, 2000 – WarGames 2000

Monday Nitro
Date: September 4, 2000
Location: Reunion Arena, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Jeremy Borash

So this is another one of those shows I’m doing because it had a special match on it. This is the final “Wargames” match although it’s only that in name only. This is five years to the day after Nitro debuted so they wanted to have one big match for the sake of having one big match. Raw was in Lexington on this night and for the life of me I do not know why I didn’t go. This is back in the day of the two hour Nitros so the pain doesn’t have to be as long this time. It’s a one match show so let’s get to it.

We open to a video about the match which is called Russo’s Revenge, which even though it’s the triple cage from Slamboree and Ready to Rumble and a tag match, the world title is on the line. You know, because that makes sense. It’s called Russo’s Revenge and War Games 2000.

Russo’s Team, Nash, Jarrett and Steiner are here. Yeah Russo is wrestling again. He would win the world title in two weeks.

Tag Titles: Rey Mysterio/Juventud Guerrera vs. Insane Clown Posse

Yes it’s that Jeremy Borash on commentary. He’s bald here which is a weird look for him. Yes it’s that Insane Clown Posse. They decided they were wrestlers so WCW decided to cross promote or something. Naturally, no one cared because that’s what Juggalos do right? The champions are members of the Filthy Animals so Konnan gets to talk for awhile and makes no sense at all.

Naturally the clowns take over to start as Madden points out that they have no advantages here at all. Konnan and Disco Inferno join on commentary, meaning that three of the four commentators worked for Wrestlezone at some point. The Posse is just awful in the ring, botching just about everything and more or less just walking around the ring. Bronco Buster to Shaggy.

They get Rey in trouble and just stand there. This is just stupid. Who in the world thought this was a good idea? And why does Konnan call everyone cranberries? Disco says this is nonstop action which is rather funny. The Animals hit a modified What’s Up on Jay for the pin. At least it was short.

Rating: D-. What did Rey and Juvi do to deserve this? The Posse are people that tried to be wrestlers and stand in the ring knowing how to do all of a move each and apparently that qualifies them as wrestlers. Naturally WCW put them on national TV multiple times because they were famous. And you wonder why this company went out of business.

Lance Storm, one of the only things WCW got right in their dying days, is teaching Major Gunns how to be Canadian. His deadpan stuff here is awesome. This time it’s running a treadmill.

Ernest Miller and Booker T get into a limo.

The cage is lowering as we go to a break.

Nash vs. Booker for the title at Fall Brawl which I’ve reviewed already.

Here’s Russo and the Natural Born Thrillers who were an awesome team but they of course got screwed up. He gets into the cage on his own with the Thrillers outside. Russo makes jokes about the Cowboys to get sports heat. Keep in mind that this guy has come back ten days before Bound For Glory which scares me to death.

He explains the rules of the match tonight. The cage is basically in the Cell with a regular cage on top of that and a one cage half the size of the ring on top with the title hanging in it. You have to go up to the top (there are trapdoors to get to the next levels) and grab the belt, but then you have to bring it back down. I’ll ignore the natural problem of why wouldn’t you just stand at the door and beat up the guy that brings it down then leave yourself out of the sake of avoiding a headache.

Oh and there are two teams of four in a match about winning an individual title. Well of course there are. Russo says the teams are the babyfaces vs. the heels. Oh I give up. Tony points out the stupidity of having teams in this. Russo’s team is the face team and the other is the heel team which isn’t true but whatever. The other team is made of Miller, Goldberg, Booker and Sting.

Russo says that Miller has no power tonight so in order to get in the match later they have to win qualifying matches. If Goldberg wins, Goldberg can beat up Russo. And here comes Nash to make sure this segment keeps going. He’s champion at the moment having beaten Booker a week ago. Nash gets in Russo’s face and says the title isn’t on the line here. He’s not a fighting champion and is only defending once a month.

Vince says that Nash does what Russo says and Nash isn’t happy about this. Nash is his daddy out here and grabs Russo by the throat and we get blackness and lightning and thunder. Sting popped up through the ring apparently and brought a ladder with him somehow. Russo tells Nash to get him but Nash flips him off. And then Sting does nothing at all. Oh wait he talks a bit.

Ok never mind he’s not gone yet. Sting started to leave but Russo climbed the ladder and Sting chased him. Russo’s team comes out to chase Sting and here comes Miller and Booker. They fight with the Thrillers in the ring as this is freaking stupid. Is there a point to this an hour before the match? Somehow Russo gets away but in the ramp Goldberg shows up. All this is happening in the first half hour of the show. Could this be overbooked any more?

Back from a break Steiner and Jarrett freak out on Russo. It should be noted Russo has gotten more face time than anyone else tonight so far.

Jeremy looks WEIRD bald. We see him getting his head shaved for losing some bet. He’s here because Scott Hudson is having his first child. Nothing wrong with that.

Here come the Harris Brothers for no apparent reason. They want some footage played and it’s about Kronik. We see a bar fight where they beat up Kronik and that’s it.

Shane Douglas and Torrie are in Russo’s office and Shane wants Goldberg. They bring in the Thrillers and Torrie is really worried.

Wargames Qualifying Match: Sting vs. Great Muta/Vampiro

Vampiro is Juggalo Championship World Champion (censored version of their real name) at this point and no one cares. Honestly what did WCW get out of this? And it’s a minute long with Muta hitting Vampiro with the mist, setting up a Splash and Death Drop to end it. Sting is in the main event. Vampiro and Muta argue afterwards so we get the Posse again to break it up.

More Canadian training with Storm who is cracking me up.

Stevie Ray is in the back and yells at Russo. “What do you mean I’m wrestling? I don’t want to wrestle! I came here to wrestle somebody!” We don’t hear who he’s wrestling but it’s an argument anyway.

Jarrett is yelling at Nash about Russo. Nash isn’t happy with Vince.

Here’s Ray again. Ray is usually the commentator on Thunder. No one is really sure why he got such a big push all of a sudden but he did anyway. He says that the match is with his brother.

Wargames Qualifying Match: Stevie Ray vs. Booker T

Stevie jumps him to start and it’s on. And we’re in a rest hold less than 30 seconds in. Axe Kick hits and Booker gets a Spinarooni. Stevie catches him with a spinebuster but won’t cover. And then the Book End hits to send Booker to the main event. Another two minute match that they call great, despite Stevie hitting a total of a spinebuster. Stevie yells at him for no apparent reason and then hugs him. Just move on to something else please.

Kronik is looking for the Harris Brothers and yell at the Jung Dragons who are Asian stereotypes. Naturally they get beaten up.

Three Count is in the ring but here’s Kronik again. They hits a cool looking Triple Chokeslam and this is domination. Is this a match? A referee is out there but Adams calls out the Harris Brothers anyway. Should be noted that the Harris Brothers were one of the most hated teams ever because they SUCKED.

Jeff Jarrett comes out instead and says that since they’re already in a handicap match (which no one knows what he’s talking about) let’s make it a Wargames handicap match, so Miller needs to get out here.

Wargames Qualifying Match: Ernest Miller vs. Kronik

Jarrett gets on commentary too here. Miller points out to the monsters that they’re on the same team so let’s go beat up Jarrett. And then he tries to steal a rollup on Clark, resulting in a bad beating. Jarrett chases Miller’s woman with a guitar as Kronik botches a clothesline. Miller is the commissioner apparently. Double Chokeslam ends it so Kronik is in Wargames making it 5-4. Sure why not.

Steiner is pissed at Russo now because Kronik is now in Wargames.

Goldberg vs. Steiner at Fall Brawl which was a good match.

Wargames Qualifying Match: Shane Douglas vs. Goldberg

First up though Torrie runs down the crowd. She’s really young here so this is pretty bad. This show is horrible if you couldn’t tell. Here comes Goldberg. Shane, who wanted Goldberg, begs to get out of it now. Pure power from Goldberg to start of course. We hit the floor and Shane dodges a forearm which hits the post instead. Shane works the arm and Goldberg just shoves him off. The Thrillers come out to beat up Goldberg which of course fails also. Shane tries to hit him with a chain. Spear and Jackhammer end this of course.

Rating: N/A. The longest match so far has been four minutes long and it had the Insane Clown Posse in it. This show needs to end already.

Russo throws a fit in the back.

Russo and Nash have another moment. You know they’re going to be best friends by the end of the night right?

Guns goes swimming in her final test. The Misfits in Action are there too and we get a fight in the pool.

Russo (noticing a theme here?) gives a speech to the Thrillers and makes a gauntlet match with Vito vs. the Thrillers.

Arn Anderson is in the back and is asked if Ric will be here for his son’s wedding next week. This didn’t end well of course. Oh and it’s in Charlotte.

Big Vito vs. Natural Born Thrillers

Vito beat up Russo last week to cause this. The Thrillers say nothing of note and Vito makes gay jokes. Screw the gauntlet part apparently so it’s everyone vs. Vito at once. Guess how this goes. Palumbo and Reno hit a 3D and stomping ensues. This goes on way too long and Sanders gets the pin. End this show already.

The non-Russo team talks about how awesome they are. Goldberg isn’t here.

WCW World Title: Wargames

You know the teams by now I’d assume. People come in at two minute intervals. Jarrett vs. Sting to start us off. Everyone else stays in the back here. They fight on the floor as everyone knows nothing is going to happen until we get to the full or nearly the full amount of people. Sting dominates and Scott Steiner is #3. Sting almost gets up the ladder to the second cage but Steiner makes the save. They beat up Sting and nothing happens for two minutes.

Kronik (both of them) come out as #4. Well of course they do. Steiner gets to the second cage and has bolt cutters up there for some reason. Adams and Clark both follow him up and take him down. That cage floor looks VERY shaky. Sting and Jarrett just kind of stand around and here’s Russo as the next person. He’s #5 but the 6th person in the match. He brings the Harris Twins with him who go after Kronik.

Sting beats up Jarrett in the ring as this is just stupid. There are weapons in the middle cage. Sting splashes Russo because Russo stays there for it like an idiot. Scorpion goes on as Russo is getting killed. Steiner climbed back down to the ring for no apparent reason. Nash is out next so apparently the team thing goes in no order. Nash helps up Steiner so Sting beats them both up for a bit.

Nash takes Sting down and goes to chokeslam Russo but Jarrett and Steiner makes the save by talking him down. Kronik and the Harris Brothers are fighting in the crowd and won’t be seen again. You can be eliminated apparently. Nash chokes Steiner and Jarrett as Booker is the next to last guy. He beats up all the heels other than Nash who takes him out.

No one is in the middle cage at all at this point. Russo is in a hockey helmet. Here’s Goldberg to complete this mess. Nash has Russo set for a Jackknife but drops him instead. Goldberg takes out Jarrett and Steiner but gets caught with a baseball bat shot. Booker sneaks up to the middle cage as Nash just stands in front of the door. Goldberg gets handcuffed to the ropes.

Steiner, Sting and Jarrett head up and fight on the second cage. While the other three fight Booker goes to the very top and gets the belt. But hey that’s not enough to win as he has to get down and leave the cage. The view of Booker that high up is terrifying to me as I’m scared of heights. Booker drops the belt as Madden has a good idea: why not put it on so you have free hands?

Sting has been handcuffed to the middle cage so Booker is on his own. Steiner drops the belt to the ring and Russo gets it. Here’s Miller go kick Russo in the helmet (doesn’t hit the head at all) and get powerbombed by Nash. Nash gets the belt and Goldberg snaps the handcuffs but throws the belt down to beat up Russo.

Scratch that he has the belt now. He tries to leave but Bret freaking Hart slams the door on his head and Steiner hits him with a pipe. Russo grabs the belt and Nash grabs him, but then they hug and Nash leaves to defend the title successfully. Yep the whole night was a massive swerve. Hart was never on Nitro again that I remember.

Rating: F. Oh do I really need to get into this? Somehow it’s an even bigger mess than I described. Kronik and the Harris Brothers just leaving still makes me laugh for some reason. They’re in a world title match and are just like “screw this” and go off to watch Howard the Duck or something. Horrible match and for no apparent reason is on free TV when in theory it could have drawn something on PPV. Whatever though.

Overall Rating
: F. Yeah I think this is self explanatory. For comic book fans this is like a massive one shot that never went anywhere and is never mentioned again. It’s totally pointless and served no point other than to have one big match for free for no apparent reason. This was a terrible show with no good wrestling and FAR too much Russo, which was a common problem in this era. Somehow this is a two hour show with 90 minutes of air time factoring out commercials. It felt far longer though.

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