Impact Wrestling – August 18, 2011 – Flair is Here. Like Here A LOT.

Impact Wrestling
Date: August 18, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Tonight we’re likely to get the fallout of Angle attacking Crimson last week as well as Sting vs. Hogan/Angle. I’m not wild on either story but that’s what we have to go with leading up to No Surrender. Also we should get an answer from AJ about Daniels challenging him for another match at the same PPV. Also there are Bound (get it?) to be be more Series matches. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s Angle segment with Sting and Hogan. The idea is Angle is mad at Dixie for lying about Karen and Jeff. Now he’s going after all of the young talent one by one, starting with Crimson.

Here’s Sting to open the show, chair and bat in hands. Sting stops to roll down the ramp. Uh…sure. He says it was a redoing of last week where he got beaten up. He doesn’t remember what happened but he does remember that he was nervous, as his shirt says. It was however awesome to be beaten up by Hogan, who still has the (cue singing) Eye of the Tiger.

Sting says the fans and he both want to see the Hulkster back in the ring right? He starts a Hogan chant because he wants Hogan in the ring tonight. Instead he gets…Ric Flair. He asks if Sting just called Hogan the greatest ever. Sting is in fact an icon and people ask Flair when they’ll wrestle again. The fans want one more Flair vs. Sting match. There goes the jacket and Flair says in order to get back to where he uses to be, he has to wrestle Sting again. He doesn’t have to win, but just wrestle him. If he beats Sting, Sting retires. If Sting wins, Flair will deliver Hogan to Sting.

Sting asks the people and they seem into it. Flair smells like garlic and Sting accepts the match.

Post break Flair goes into Hogan’s office and Hogan is FREAKING. Hogan wants to know if Flair is on goofball pills. He thinks Sting should be dead and Flair says it’s not a big problem. Flair says he’ll get the troops together tonight. Hogan swears he’ll never wrestle Sting so Flair hugs Hogan and kisses him on the cheek. Ok then.

Bound For Glory Series standings:

Crimson 50

Bully Ray 42

Bobby Roode 35

James Storm 33

Devon 30

Gunner 28

Rob Van Dam 25

Matt Morgan 24 (out)

AJ Styles 21

D’Angelo Dinero 17

Scott Steiner 14

Samoa Joe -10

There are three weeks left and the final four advance to BFG.

D-Von says he’ll beat Scott Steiner and is going to BFG.

Bound For Glory Series: Scott Steiner vs. Devon

D-Von’s kids are there of course. He takes over to start and gets a pair of two counts quickly. And never mind as Steiner gets a rollup and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin at 1:10. What the heck was that?

Post match Joe sneaks in on Joe and beats him up, putting a leg hold on him. D-Von’s kids want Pope to come help him but they jump the railing (security around here sucks) to stop it and Pope comes in late for the save.

There’s an X-Division gauntlet which determines the rankings of the division and #1 contender next.

Post break Joe says don’t act surprised because this is how he does things. He’s taking everyone down with him. He’s going to take out the entire Series.

Alex Shelley vs. Tony Nese vs. Kid Kash vs. Robbie E vs. Zema Ion vs. Jesse Sorensen vs. Mark Haskins vs. Austin Aries

This is a gauntlet match. Shelley vs. Haskins (who looks like Morrison but less tanned and built) with Shelley beating the tar out of him. The first person out is #8 in the rankings, making the whole rankings stupid because whoever got the first two spots have a 50/50 chance of being last. Shelley keeps trying Sliced Bread but Haskins keeps blocking it. They trade pinning combination attempts and Haskins gets something resembling the inbred cousin of the GTS for the pin at 1:56.

Robbie gets pinned at 2:20 (total time on each, meaning there were about 24 seconds between pins).

Ion comes in third and hits a missile dropkick and some nice stuff including throwing Haskins’ face into Ion’s feet (yes that’s what happened) for two. A 450 gets the pin at 3:30.

Off to Sorensen who starts fast but gets taken down just as quickly. 450 hits knees and Ion is gone thanks to something like a spinning DDT at 4:20. This is why I hate gauntlet matches: the pins come WAY too fast.

Nese is in next and likes to attack by running. The rankings are in reverse order, meaning that Shelley is #8, Robbie is #7 etc. German gets two on Sorensen. That same spinning DDT ends Nese at 5:50.

Kash comes in and we take a break. Back with Kash hitting a moonsault for two on Sorensen. Only Aries is left. Moneymaker, the double underhook piledriver is countered into a rollup for the pin at 10:50.

Aries is in last but Kash comes in and hits the Moneymaker to kill Sorensen. Aries comes in and puts his foot on the chest for two. Brainbuster is countered into a small package for two. There’s a running dropkick in the corner and now the brainbuster ends this at 12:20 total.

Rating: D. I cannot stand these kind of matches. Why in the world should I believe that a regular match should take longer than a minute and a half now when something like this had seven pins in less than 13 minutes (with who knows how much it was shortened during the break)? I wasn’t a fan of this, namely due to the speed of the pinfalls which is a problem with these matches in general.

Aries talks about Kendrick post match and the champ comes out to offer a handshake which Aries declines. Kendrick jumps him and beats the tar out of the #1 contender.

Flair is getting ready for a fight. Don’t tell me Sting vs. Flair is tonight.

Sting is pacing in the back.

Anderson is out with two ruptured eardrums.

BFG ad.

ODB and Jackie are excited for a match later where they’re going to get a roster spot. Oh freaking joy.

Traci comes in to see Eric and he hits on her. She has an idea for Eric and wants to be Knockout Law again. In essence she’s in charge of them and Eric makes her lean over so he can look down her shirt. She was in Playboy dude.

ODB vs. Mickie James

Mickie gets her rematch on September 1. Mickie hammers away but gets caught in a fallaway slam. I think Mickie’s hair is blonder now. It’s power vs. speed here and Mickie gets a neckbreaker to put both of them down. They nip up at the same time and slug it out. Some clotheslines put ODB down and a rana is blocked. James is sent to the floor and Jackie wants to jump her but can’t. Mickie gets back in but the DDT is blocked. Bronco Buster misses for ODB and the DDT hits this time, ending things at 5:47.

Rating: D+. Wasn’t feeling this one at all but I think that’s more for my utter disdain for Jackie. I’ve never been able to stand her, namely due to her being so freaking LOUD all the time. Her voice is annoying and I have no idea what people keep hiring her for. Her matches aren’t anything of note and she’s not interesting at all. Either way, the match was dull, namely due to ODB focusing on rubbing her body too much.

Winter and Angelina have a weird moment over the title. Just get them to a lesbian scene already. She says she can beat Mickie. They’re having wine and it looks like it’s got blood in it. Winter calls it orgasmic.

Bound For Glory Series: Rob Van Dam vs. AJ Styles

Lynn is outside again. Technical stuff as usual to start as they feel each other out a lot. AJ gets a backbreaker for two. Knee drop gets the same. BIG monkey flip sends Styles down though and it even gets a replay. Rolling Thunder hits for two. Lynn gets annoyed and Rob isn’t pleased with Jerry getting up.

RVD gets crotched and AJ looks to take over again with a superplex but Rob counters. Five Star hits knees and Styles gets two. They slug it out and an attempt at the Clash is broken up. AJ hits the Pele and Lynn pulls the referee out for the DQ at 5:22, costing RVD another ten points.

Rating: C+. Not a bad match but with only five minutes these two aren’t capable of getting anything going. That isn’t their fault but it’s really just kind of reality. Either way this wasn’t anything special. It felt like a collection of spots as a means to the end of the match, which was Lynn interfering. It’s pretty clear they’re going for RVD vs. Lynn at BFG, which isn’t a bad move. The match wasn’t bad or anything but it didn’t have time to go anywhere.

Rob yells at Lynn post break.

Flair is talking to no one it seems and things start moving around. He says Sting isn’t the Joker and we hear a pipe fall. Flair keeps looking for him and more stuff moves/falls. He calls out Sting but all he hears are more noises. Something big falls and Flair says he’s counting to five and is starting at four. He doesn’t have time for this as he has to go to a bar later. Sting finally appears but someone jumps him. It’s Gunner and Sting rams him into some boxes. Flair fires Gunner and leaves while Sting keeps beating on him. Sting tells Gunner he’ll go somewhere someday.

Time for more Eric Young hijinks. He tries to wrestle some woman and wants to find Scott Baio, again. He’s told Baio is in the Valley and the showdown is next week. Good for it.

Crimson is here and is limping.

Here’s Crimson in the arena and he’s limping badly. He says he used to respect Angle and calls him out because they have some issues now. Angle doesn’t respect him because he’s a nobody. The young talent, built around Angle, has meant nothing. Without Angle, Crimson is uncoordinated and green. Angle says Crimson needs him (Angle) to get anywhere. Crimson says no one in the back disrespects Angle and Angle calls Crimson nothing.

He goes to leave and Crimson stops him. Crimson challenges Angle for next week where he’ll show him why he’s the future and and the here and now. He’s REAL. He’s DANG REAL.

Mexican America says they’ll win the titles next.

Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Mexican America

The Jarretts are on commentary here. This is billed as the final showdown. The champs take over to start as Jeff talks about Mexico and is way funnier than he should be, especially given what he’s talking about. Hernandez gets a shot in on Storm and takes over, also getting two. Off to Anarquia who gets two off a double shoulder block.

Jeff and Karen are shocked that Tenay speaks so highly of the Guerreros. He accuses Hector of having some cerveza as Storm gets a shot in on Anarquia but Hernandez breaks up the tag. Border Toss is countered into a Codebreaker and here’s Roode off the hot tag. Blockbuster gets two. Angle has accepted Crimson’s challenge. Beer Money hits a slingshot into a DDT on Anarquia.

Double suplex puts Hernandez down and LET’S SHOUT OUR NAMES! Rosita comes in and spits beer in Storm’s face which doesn’t work for some reason here. They go after her and Karen bounces down to ringside. Jeff comes down as well and the distraction lets Hernandez get a shot to the head of Roode with the AAA belt and the Mexicans win the titles at 7:25.

Rating: C. Match wasn’t bad and they really needed to dot he title switch here. Beer Money had held the titles forever and the switch is the right thing here, especially with the Jarrett Mexican Champion thing going on. Not a great match or anything but it accomplished the goal that it needed to, which is really all you can ask for here.

Overall Rating: D+. This show wasn’t without merit but it felt like it was boring for the most part. It’s very hit or miss and the misses caught up with it at the end. Sting and Flair were on screen WAY too much tonight. The problem with that is it takes up from other stuff you can do, like have a match for example. Winter and Angelina are vampires or something (totally more serious than leprechauns right?) and Eric Young is still in Hollywood because COMEDY IS GREAT, especially when it keeps the champion from defending his title in two and a half months right?

On the other hand the Crimson thing was good and you can see the shapings of the next two PPVs really coming into focus. Having Joe do the run-in post match was interesting and it would make me think he’s going to No Surrender, but if he can never get a match how is that supposed to happen? I guess that’s what house shows are for but they’re rapidly running out of time. Anyway, hit and miss show tonight and it certainly wasn’t horrible, but it missed for the most part I thought.

 

Results

Scott Steiner b. Devon – Rollup with feet on the ropes

Austin Aries won a gauntlet match last eliminating Jesse Sorensen

Mickie James b. ODB – Jumping DDT

AJ Styles b. Rob Van Dam via DQ when Jerry Lynn interfered

Mexican America b. Beer Money – Hernandez pinned Roode after a belt shot

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