Impact Wrestling – May 16, 2013: Holy Deja Vu Impact Fans!

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 16, 2013
Location: BancorpSouth Arena, Tupelo, Mississippi
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Tazz, Mike Tenay

We’re still in Mississippi tonight and the majority of the show is likely going to be dealing with the return of Abyss. The monster returned last week and cleaned house of Aces and 8’s, meaning that tonight Abyss is likely going to be the new hope for TNA in their lackluster war with the bikers. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Abyss returning last week.

Here’s Hogan to open things up. He says that the fans are crazy here in Tupelo but now wants to talk about AJ Styles. If AJ wants to run from Angle and Sting like he did last week, go ahead and join Aces and 8’s brother. It’s Angle vs. Styles at the PPV and the contract signing for Sting vs. Ray is tonight. Right now though, Hogan wants to talk to Abyss. Abyss has new music….but here’s Joseph Park instead.

Park talks about sitting on his couch last week and being amazed that Abyss was back. Hogan says that he needs to talk to Abyss right now and if anyone knows where he is, it’s Park. Instead though here are D-Von and D’Lo to interrupt the festivities. D-Von says that Abyss is meddling in club business and that he wasn’t even the legal man for the pin last week.

Park wants to know who D-Von thinks who he is because Aces and 8’s are starting to tick him off. He challenges D-Von to a match right now but Brown offers to fight Park instead. Hogan says it’s on and D-Von says that he’s coming for Abyss. Also if Park wins, he gets a match with D-Von in the future.

James Storm says just watch what he does tonight about what happened in the tag match last week.

Christian York talks about wanting to get into the Bound For Glory Series.

Bobby Roode vs. Chavo Guerrero

Chavo hipblocks out of an armbar to start before hiptossing him down again. Off to a quick headlock as Roode is getting frustrated early. A headscissors puts Roode on the floor but he pulls Chavo face first into the apron to take over. Back in and Roode chokes away before hitting a Hennig neck snap for no cover. Another headscissors sends Roode staggering and it’s off to Three Amigos. Roode pops up and crotches Chavo to break up the frog splash as James Storm comes to the ring and spits beer in Roode’s face for the DQ at 3:32.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but dear goodness are we really doing Storm vs. Roode again? Is there nothing new for Storm to do at all? These two had their definitive blowoff match year but since TNA’s writers can’t bring Storm up for some reason, let’s just do the same (good) feud all over again.

We look at Angle telling Styles that he’s either with TNA or against them, leading to a brawl between the two of them.

Here’s Angle with something to say. He says that he never backs down from a fight, and last week he took the fight to AJ. At Slammiversary, they’re going to face each other one more time, but Angle doesn’t want to wait until then. Instead of AJ though, here’s Anderson of Aces and 8’s. Anderson says Angle sounds like a woman because AJ isn’t Kurt’s boy. Next Thursday everyone is going to witness AJ being patched into the club. Angle decks Anderson but here’s AJ. Anderson bails and Styles slides in, only to get caught in a staredown with Angle. Kurt runs his mouth and gets caught by an enziguri to lay him down.

Jay Bradley talks about what wrestling means to him.

Bound For Glory Series Tournament Semi-Finals: Christian York vs. Jay Bradley

The tournament will conclude at Slammiversary with the winner going on to the BFG Series. They shove each other around to start with Bradley taking over via a right hand and a big boot to the face. Off to a quick chinlock on York but Christian rolls away from Bradley’s Boom Stick lariat. A headscissors puts Bradley face first intot he middle buckle, allowing York to hit his rolling cannonball into the corner. The Mood Swing neckbreaker is escaped as well and they slug it out. Bradley puts him on top, only to avoid a top rope ax handle. The Boom Stick ends York at 3:57.

Rating: C-. Again not much to see here as neither guy is really a name in TNA. York has been around for awhile in TNA and has done nothing at all of note. Why I’m supposed to be impressed by Bradley beating him I’m not sure, but at least Bradley looked pretty good out there. He won’t win the world title or anything, but he wasn’t bad at all.

Bradley says he’s a step closer to the world title.

Storm apparently was reprimanded for what he did but he’s not done tonight.

Anderson is excited about patching AJ in next week. Brown has to win tonight or he’s off the team.

Velvet Sky vs. Gail Kim

Non-title match here and Velvet is wearing a different outfit than she was shown wearing on her way to the ring. Velvet stomps away to start and hits a headscissors but gets caught with a shot to her bad knee. Gail stays on the knee with kicks to the back of the leg and bending it around the ropes. Off to a half Texas Cloverleaf half Sharpshooter by Gail but Velvet makes the rope.

Gail bends Velvet’s knee around her neck but again Sky gets to the ropes. Kim goes up top, only to be slammed off the top. Velvet, ever the smart one, fires off some kicks with the bad leg and injures herself again. Gail goes for the Figure Four around the post but Velvet kicks her into the corner and gets a quick rollup for the pin at 6:17.

Rating: D+. Gail was trying but no one can carry Velvet to a good match at this point. The leg stuff is better than no story at all, but at the end of the day we’ve seen these same five or so girls having the same matches for years now and it’s really hard to care at all. Taryn helps a bit but 90% of her appeal is how she looks in those shorts. The whole division is pretty worthless at this point and it’s not getting any better.

Petey Williams, Kenny King and Chris Sabin all talk trash about the X Title match tonight.

X-Division Title: Petey Williams vs. Kenny King vs. Chris Sabin

King is defending, Sabin is back from an injury and Williams is here because of the stupid three way X-Division Title rules. King bails to the floor to start but after Sabin is taken down, Petey is pulled to the floor by the champion. Sabin vs. King in the ring now with Chris firing off some hard chops to take over. A kick to Sabin’s face takes him right back down though and here’s Petey again with his slingshot Codebreaker for no cover.

Williams kicks Sabin to the floor, allowing King to get back up and take over on Petey. We hit a chinlock for a bit until Sabin comes back in and fires off forearms and a belly to back suplex for two on the champ. Back to Petey in control now with the Russian legsweep and a lifting downward spiral for two each on King.

Everyone is back in now but Sabin can’t hit a tornado DDT on King. A spinwheel kick gets two on Petey but Sabin puts King in the Tree of Woe. Sabin hits a Death Valley Driver on Petey into King followed by a running kick to Petey’s jaw. King comes back with a running knee to Sabin and the Royal Flush on Petey retains the title at 7:16.

Rating: C. Next. Seriously, get the next segment on now. There was nothing here that we haven’t seen before as these title matches are now all one in the same. Petey had no purpose being here other than he won some qualifying match months ago. Now he’s out and we’ll get Sabin vs. King vs. some other guy that doesn’t need to be there because of this stupid one size fits all idea for the X-Division. Nothing of note here at all.

Bad Influence talks strategy for Daniels vs. Hernandez tonight.

Anderson says he stopped Ray from hitting Brown in the head last week to save the club. Apparently Brown buried Bischoff and Brisco and he’s sorry.

Christopher Daniels vs. Hernandez

Daniels goes straight for SuperMex in the corner and pounds away, only to completely fail at a suplex attempt. Hernandez hits the delayed vertical suplex and the over the shoulder backbreaker for good measure. The big man walks down the ramp for his big jumping shoulder over the ropes to take Daniels down.

Kaz finally interferes to give Daniels control and a neckbreaker gets two on Hernandez. SuperMex comes right back with a slingshot shoulder and some clotheslines to take over again but a charge misses Daniels in the corner. Daniels loads up Angel’s Wings but here’s Storm again. The distraction lets Hernandez run Daniels over with a shoulder block for the pin at 4:30.

Rating: C-. Yet ANOTHER just ok match here which sets up stuff that we’ve seen before. The same three teams plus Storm and a mystery partner does nothing at all for the division as whoever wins will be defending against the same teams over and over again. Storm is continued to be wasted in these meaningless feuds and it’s a shame to see after he got so hot in 2011.

Joseph Park vs. D’Lo Brown

Great, I’ve sat through all that to get a D’LO BROWN match. Brown slams Park down to start but Park comes back with some rights and lefts. D’Lo comes back with more shots of his own followed by a leg lariat in the corner. A clothesline has Park in trouble and Brown pounds away in the corner, drawing blood from Park’s head. It’s time for Park to snap again and some clothesline set up the Black Hole Slam for the pin at 4:42.

Rating: D. Why on earth is D’Lo Brown getting this spot in 2013? Thankfully it looks like he isn’t long for the club and I can’t say I’m complaining at all. He adds nothing at all to the team and is nothing more than a distraction at this point. Park snapping is becoming a trend for him and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. This whole dual personalities thing could be interesting.

Here’s Ray for the contract signing. He shoves JB over and is already talking trash about beating Jeff Hardy and about how he’s going to beat Sting at Slammiversary. Ray knows that Sting has some stipulations for the title match so get out here right now and tell them. Sting comes out but Ray wants to see Sting’s life partner too, so here’s Hulk. Ray talks about screwing over Sting, Hulk and especially Brooke. This is the first time he and Sting have been face to face since Bully screwed Sting over.

Sting doesn’t care about what Ray did to him in the past. In Boston though, Ray should break Sting’s arm, rip his kneecap off, gouge his eyes out and make Sting bleed. Ray wants to know why Sting would say to do all those things. Sting says if Ray doesn’t do those things to him, he’ll do them to Ray. He doesn’t care if it’s in the parking lot, the ring, or the concession stand, because Sting wants it to be no holds barred. Ray says ok, but only if Sting agrees to never challenge for the world title again if he loses. Sting accepts and they brawl to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This did next to nothing for me at all. The stuff at the beginning and end of the show were well focused but EVERYTHING in between there feels like warmed over stuff. We’ve got the same match happening over and over for the X title, the same match with the same girls we’ve seen for years in the Knockouts division and the same feuds we’ve seen for months if not years in the tag team scene. That’s TNA’s major issue: they have NO focus on anything but the Aces and 8’s stuff and it’s clear there’s no effort put into anything but that one story. When that one story is dull like the bikers, that’s a big problem.

Results

Bobby Roode b. Chavo Guerrero via DQ when James Storm interfered

Jay Bradley b. Christian York – Boom Stick

Velvet Sky b. Gail Kim – Rollup

Kenny King b. Chris Sabin and Petey Williams – Royal Flush to Williams

Hernandez b. Christopher Daniels – Running shoulder block

Joseph Park b. D’Lo Brown – Black Hole Slam

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00C3RZIR8

13 comments

  1. Blue Jay-zer(Not Jay wearing a mask to hide his identity) says:

    Sigh. This show needs to pack up and leave. I didn’t want to do it, but me joining Bully Jay and the Not Jay-ces and Eights was the right thing to do. We need to put an end to this garbage.

    This show was awful. In other news, the sky is blue and the grass is green.

    [Reply]

  2. No Arrendajo(Not Jay as a masked luchadore) says:

    Qué terrible espectáculo! Puede ser que sea terminado con esa mierda!

    Yo también estoy contento de que me uní al no jay-ces y ochos

    [Reply]

  3. Bully Jay(Not Jay as the leader of the Not Jay-ces and Eights) says:

    *entrance music playing* SHUT IT OFF, SHUT IF OFF! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AAAAAAAAM? We are almost a well oiled machine. With me leading the Not Jay-ces and Eights we will soon put an end to TNA Impact wrestling once and for all. I called out a certain individual last week, and I demand an answah! A. Not Jay Styles, what’s it gonna be?

    [Reply]

  4. "The Cowboy" Not Jay-mes Storm says:

    ANY BEER DRINKERS IN THE HOUSE?! I’ve got something I gotta get off my chest. Styles, we can either drink beer or fight. You are either with us or against us. Come down to this ring and gives us your answer. And if it’s the wrong answer…SORRY ABOUT YO DAMN LUCK!

    [Reply]

    A. Not Jay Styles Reply:

    *comes to the ring* *smirks at Not Jay-mes Storm* *leaves to a huge chorus of boos*

    [Reply]

    "The Cowboy" Not Jay-mes Storm Reply:

    Hey, don’t ya turn yo back on me boy! Well it’s settled! SORRY ABOUT YO DAMN LUCK!

    *camera cuts to backstage showing Bully Jay watching what has just transpired, with a smirk on his face*

    [Reply]

  5. Not Blue Jay and Not all his alter egos says:

    Now im gonna go on my 20 Youtube Accounts and say how awesome TNA Impact is while chanting TNA at the top of my lungs.

    [Reply]

  6. M.R. says:

    Get rid of this guy.

    [Reply]

    chris Reply:

    Seriously

    [Reply]

    Not Jay Reply:

    I totally agree with both of you. This guy has been making a mockery out of me during my absence.

    [Reply]

  7. james gracie says:

    Haha, I got a chuckle out of the exchange above. Just to let you all know, this Not Jay guy is the master troll and he is totally doing his job because he is pissing all of you off.

    Anyway, I think they are building up Slammiversary pretty nicely. I agree with Storm, it’s still not too late with him but it’s getting close. That last segment made me want to see the Sting/Bully Ray match actually.

    [Reply]

    M.R. Reply:

    He’s not pissing anyone off, he’s just doing the same joke every week after it stopped being funny after the first time, if funny at all.

    [Reply]

    Not Jay Reply:

    Agreed. Although I admit that it kind of pisses me off that someone is dragging my good name into the ground.

    [Reply]

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