Impact Wrestling – May 23, 2013: More Drama Than Shakespeare Could Ever Dream Of

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 23, 2013
Location; USF SunDome, Tampa, Florida|
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re in Hogan’s hometown tonight with another live episode. The main stories tonight are Aces and 8’s patching in AJ Styles and potentially finding out who James Storm’s partner will be in the four way tag. That match is up in the air though as Storm has an abdominal injury and is supposed to be out of action for several weeks. Granted in a tag match he can stand on the apron and do little more. Let’s get to it.

We open with a graphic wishing condolences to those affected by the storm in Oklahoma, as well as a number donate to the Red Cross. In case you’re interested, the number is 90999. Text REDCROSS to that number and a $10 charge will appear on your phone bill.

We recap the events of last week with Sting agreeing to put any future title shots on the line as well as Joseph Park earning a future TV Title shot.

Here’s Hogan to open the show. He immediately plugs his beach shop and says that he was drinking with Shark Boy last night. That’s a random name drop. He also has his TNA family here but a member of the team is going to join Aces and 8’s. If that’s what AJ wants to do then so be it, because Hogan has someone who is always going to be loyal to him, which brings Sting out to the ring.

Sting says he doesn’t want Hogan to change anything about the title match at Slammiversary because he needs to take Bully’s power from him. Sting flubs his lines a bit and eventually says that he wants to take Ray’s pride from him. Hogan again offers to take the stipulation away, but here’s Brooke Hogan because we haven’t seen her in the ring lately.

She talks about driving wedges between everyone and says she was the catalyst for everything going up in smoke. Brook says she has to take responsibility and is so proud of the Knockouts, so she’s going to resign as the head of the Knockouts division. Hulk says no but before we can get a rebuttal, here’s Ray for more talking.

Ray says it’s none of their faults, but rather his own fault for Hulk not knowing how to run the company. It’s Ray’s fault for stabbing the Hogans in the back and turning everything upside down. However, there’s one person in the ring that Ray does blame and that’s Brooke. He loves Brooke very much and will never take his ring off….and that’s it.

Suicide is back next.

Suicide vs. Petey Williams vs. Joey Ryan

Kenny King is on commentary as I believe the winner of this joins Sabin and King in the Ultimate X Title match at Slammiversary. Suicide hooks a quick Black Widow on Petey but gets sent to the floor by Ryan. Joey hooks a quick suplex on Petey but stops to rub oil on his chest. Suicide hooks a sweet hurricanrana off the top to take him down before putting Joey in an Indian Deathlock and an abdominal stretch on Petey at the same time.

Petey gets out and tries the Destroyer, only to have Suicide backdrop out of it and send Joey to the floor as well. A flip dive takes both non masked men down but Joey takes Suicide down back in the ring. A boot to the face from Joey breaks up the Destroyer again but Suicide takes him down with a kick to the head. Suicide picks up Ryan like a tiger suplex but pushes him forward and hits a Codebreaker to the chest for the pin on Ryan at 4:03.

Rating: C. Was anyone begging for Suicide to be back? He wasn’t really anything significant back in the day but now he’s big enough to get video packages about his return? Suicide looked fine out there but at the end of the day, there’s already a story between Sabin and King so why do we need to see Suicide thrown in?

Chris Sabin offers to be Storm’s partner but James thankfully declines. Apparently the X Champion can still cash in the title for a world title shot.

Brooke comes up to Bully in the back so he can say he still loves her.

Velvet and Mickie are in the back and Velvet’s knee is still hurt. Mickie offers to postpone their match but Velvet says no because they’re best friends or some jazz like that.

Bound For Glory Series Qualifying Tournament Semi-Finals: Sam Shaw vs. Alex Silva

The winner of this faces Jay Bradley at Slammiversary for the spot in the Series. Before Silva comes to the ring though, here are Aces and 8’s to say that Shaw has advanced. Wes Brisco says that he’s taken Silva out in the parking lot because he should be in the tournament instead. Shaw gets beaten down by Doc, Brisco and Bischoff, meaning no match of course. Magnus comes out and runs off all three guys, who of course are afriad of one guy they’ve beaten down time after time.

Magnus says that Shaw is his friend from wrestling camp so this is personal. Apparently it’s Magnus vs. Brisco right now.

Wes Brisco vs. Magnus

Magnus hits a quick gutwrench suplex and pounds away, sending Brisco to the floor as we take a break. Back with Brisco ramming Magnus into some buckles and putting on a quick chinlock. A forearm to the back keeps Magnus down and Brisco pounds away in the corner. Magnus fights up again but the Aces and 8’s come in for the DQ at 7:56.

Rating: D. What was the point of that? We hear a lot of talk about how Magnus is the future of TNA and all that jazz, so make sure to have him only win via DQ against Wes Brisco? This didn’t accomplish anything and was a waste of time on top of that. I like Magnus but for the life of me I don’t get how they’re booking him. The Aces and 8’s booking is looking more and more like the NWO every day.

Samoa Joe returns to make the save for Magnus.

There will be another inductee into the Hall of Fame at Slammiversary.

Ray congratulates the bikers on helping Wes out there. AJ will be here later.

We look at Kurt Angle in New York in an attempt to save Olympic wrestling. There was an international exhibition at Grand Central Station.

Kurt Angle vs. Mr. Anderson

Before the bell, we see AJ arriving in the back on a motorcycle. Feeling out process to start with Angle taking Anderson down and kicking him in the head. Anderson is stomped down into the corner before Angle suplexes him down for two. Kurt speeds things up but misses a charge into the corner, slamming his shoulder into the post. Anderson goes after the arm with a hammerlock and a slam out of said hammerlock for two. Off to an armbar but Kurt fights out of it with an armdrag and a middle rope dropkick.

Kurt can’t immediately follow up because of the arm, but he manages to snap off a belly to belly for two. The Angle Slam is countered into a fireman’s carry roll for two by Anderson, but Kurt comes back with the rolling Germans. Anderson pops up with a Mic Check for two, but he takes WAY too long on the top, allowing Angle to run the ropes and belly to belly him down. Before Angle can finish him off though, here’s AJ at ringside. He hugs Tazz, allowing Anderson to hit Angle low for the pin at 8:38.

Rating: C+. As usual these two have good chemistry together, but the story here was about Angle and Styles rather than the match at hand. That’s all fine and good, but my gut says this isn’t as easy as having AJ join the bikers that fast. It all seems too simple, especially for a company that LOVES swerves like TNA. Good match though and Angle vs. AJ will be the same.

Gail Kim says she should be getting the title shot tonight, not Mickie James. Taryn comes in and destroys her.

Video on James Storm being such a great tag team wrestler. We also talk about Storm being put in the four way tag title match at Slammiversary.

Here’s Storm to make his announcement with and Hernandez on commentary. Storm talks about how awesome tag wrestling is but here are Roode and Aries to interrupt. Roode talks about how he carried Storm and then beat him for the world title. Before Storm can announce again, here’s Bad Influence with another interruption. Kaz and Daniels say it doesn’t make a difference who Storm picks so Storm says shut up so he can talk.

Cue Shark Boy of all people to say that he’s here because Storm needs a partner. They both like fishing, drinking beer and kicking some bass. Before Storm can say anything, here’s Robbie E to say he can make Storm a champion at Slammiversary. He even has tag names for them: Beer Bro, America’s Most Bro or Gym Tan Beer Bro. Shark Boy and Robbie argue until Gunner returns and lays out both guys with a Rock Bottom backbreaker to Sharky and a torture rack to Robbie. Storm shakes Gunner’s hand and says he’ll see him at Slammiversary.

Joseph Park is worried about getting a strap at Slammiversary but Sting says it’s ok. With that out of the way, Park talks about Sting beating Bully Ray. Apparently next week it’s Sting/a partner of his choice vs. Team 3D. Sting wants Park to talk to Abyss about being the partner but Park can’t do it for some reason. Sting says justice has to be served and that’s enough to inspire Park to get his brother to help.

We run down the Slammiversary card.

Knockouts Title: Mickie James vs. Velvet Sky

Velvet is defending and has a bad knee coming in. Mickie takes it down to the mat to start and cranks on the arm, only to have Velvet hit a fast dropkick for two. They slug it out until Mickie hits something like a swinging Bubba Bomb before hooking a full nelson as we take a break. Back with Velvet down and being put in a chinlock, only to fight up with an armdrag. Velvet fires off some clotheslines but her knee is giving out again. A headscissors gets the champion nowhere and I think they screw up a sequence setting up a Russian legsweep.

The second attempt works a bit better but Velvet is sent into the corner for a kick to the ribs. Now the headscissors works for Sky but her knee gives out after Mickie is down. A hard chop block takes Velvet down and Mickie has that evil look on her face for the first time in way too long. The MickieDT is enough for the pin and the title at 8:47.

Rating: D+. Mickie and Velvet both looked GREAT out there in their outfits, but the match was so sloppy that it was dragging things down. Velvet continues to look just a step above lost in the ring and Mickie can only do so much with her. Mickie seemingly turning heel here is a good thing though as she can play the psycho villain very well. The match wasn’t much though.

Video on AJ Styles turning his back on TNA.

Aces and 8’s drink a toast to Mr. Anderson and AJ Styles.

Here are the bikers to patch in AJ. Ray talks about D’Lo dropping the ball but praises Anderson for stepping up. This brings out AJ so Ray can suck up to him a bit. They give AJ his first beer and amazingly enough Styles drinks it down. Didn’t he drink with Storm before? Cue Angle to whine about AJ selling out but Styles puts on his cut. Angle charges in like an idiot and gets beaten down as Ray hands AJ a hammer. Styles hits Angle in the knee with said hammer, only to hit the rest of the bikers with it as well. AJ bails to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Not the worst show in the world but there wasn’t much in the way in in ring action. A lot off the segments, mainly the tag team stuff, went on WAY too long. The ending was what it was but it’s going to be part of a much longer story of course, as it always is in TNA. This was better than last week’s show but that’s not saying much.

Results

Suicide b. Joey Ryan and Petey Williams – Gutbuster to Ryan

Magnus b. Wes Brisco via DQ when Aces and 8’s interfered

Mr. Anderson b. Kurt Angle – Low Blow

Mickie James b. Velvet Sky – MickieDT

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00C3RZIR8

12 comments

  1. Blue Jay-zer(Not Jay wearing a mask to hide his identity) says:

    Welp, another horrible episode of TNA Impact. Can’t wait for Slamiversary…except I can. I amazes me how one company can be so great while another one can be so bad.

    Enough of this though, it’s time to end this, Bully Jay, get out here so we hopefully put an end to one of the worst wrestling shows and wrestling companies of all time.

    Can’t wait for RAW Monday!

    [Reply]

    Bully Jay(Not Jay as the leader of the Not Jay-ces and Eights) Reply:

    *Theme music plays* SHUT IT OFF! Let me make something clear Blue Jay-zer, no one calls Bully Jay out. I come out when I’m ready. Keep in mind that you are still a prospect….back to business DO YOU KNOW WHO I AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM? I sick of this crap, Impact needs to end and I along with all the members of the Not Jay-ces and Eights will make that happen!

    [Reply]

    Blue Jay-zer(Not Jay wearing a mask to hide his identity) Reply:

    Sorry Pres, I got carried away, it wont happen again. I’m just so sick of this crap show TNA Impact that I forgot my role.

    [Reply]

  2. No Arrendajo(Not Jay as a masked luchadore) says:

    Este debe mostrar aspirar todas las semanas!

    [Reply]

  3. "The Cowboy" Not Jay-mes Storm vs A Not Jay Styles(as a result of what transpired last week) says:

    Not Jay-mes Storm: “Get out here Styles, we are finally gonna settle this thing!”

    *A Not Jay Styles music plays* *comes down to the ring* *walks out to boos and trash being thrown at him*

    Not Jay-mes Storm: “THAT’S IT BOI! YA WANNA BE A COWARD! WELL GUESS WHAT, IT’S GONNA BE “THE COWBOY” NOT JAY-MES STORM VS A NOT JAY STYLES IN A CAGE MATCH RIGHT HERE IN THE COMMENTS SECTION OF KB’S REVIEW OF SLAMMIVERSARY ON JUNE THE 2ND! SORRY ABOUT YO DAMN LUCK!”

    [Reply]

  4. Not Jay-ces and Eights Clubhouse says:

    *at the meeting: Bully Jay, Blue Jay-zer, No Arrendajo, Not Jay*

    Bully Jay: *laughs* It’s all starting to fall apart, right here in the comments section of KB’s review of Slamiversary on June 2nd, after A Not Jay whoops Not Jay-mes Storm, we’ll make it official. The newest member of the Not Jay-ces and Eights will be A Not Jay Styles!”

    *all members of the Not Jay-ces and Eights maniacally laugh as the screen fades to black*

    [Reply]

  5. Jay H says:

    Hey guess what Not my alter ego I thought Impact was not that bad this week,one of the better ones in recent weeks. How’s that hit you?

    KB where do you see Aces/Eights ending?

    [Reply]

    klunderbunker Reply:

    Probably not until after BFG when Hogan beats Ray for the title.

    [Reply]

    Jay H Reply:

    Oh my I hope that does not happen. If anyone should beat Ray for the Title it has to be AJ Styles.

    [Reply]

    M.R. Reply:

    I for one enjoy the current Hogan/Triple H parellels. Of course not from an entertainment standpoint, but from one of irony.

    [Reply]

  6. The Killjoy says:

    Man, who’s more under utilized? Randy Orton? Or James Storm? They both always have the crowd in their hands and they’re always doing filler feuds.

    [Reply]

    klunderbunker Reply:

    It’s Storm. At least Orton has some prominent feuds and matches. Storm has a huge gap between him and the main evnet, as does everyone else not on the main event level.

    [Reply]

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