Impact Wrestling – May 29, 2014: What Is It Good For? Absolutely Nothing.

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 29, 2014
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

After last week, the only hope that I have is that the focus is spread out a little bit, rather than having almost everything being about the new trio. We’re coming up on Slammiversary with Eric Young defending against MVP, but now we also have to deal with Dixie Carter not being ok with MVP’s actions. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video on the trio’s dominance and desire for power with a lot of clips from last week.

Here’s Bully Ray to say that he’s obsessed with six people here in TNA. They all have bullseyes on their backs and he promises to put them all through tables. There are six tables standing up next to the ramp with names on them: Lashley, EC3, Kenny King, MVP, Spud and Dixie Carter. Ray heads to the ring and calls out anybody for a fight right now. He gets MVP in wrestling gear but the boss is walking slow. MVP says this isn’t happening tonight and there’s no fun in coming to the ring for a fight. Well, at least not on his own.

King and Lashley come out as well but EC3 and Spud slide into jump Ray. The trio gets in as well and Ray is in big trouble. EC3 and Spud bring the Spud table to the ring but Eric Young, Austin Aries and the Wolves come in for the save. The heels leave but Spud gets caught. Aries wants a six man tag and Ray wants it next. As a preview, Ray hits a middle rope powerbomb to drive Spud through the table.

MVP/Bobby Lashley/Kenny King vs. Wolves/Austin Aries

This is joined in process in a big brawl on the floor as we come back. It’s Lashley throwing Aries around to get us going legally before choking away. Aries comes back with some kicks to the leg as Edwards and King come inside for brawling as well. Aries escapes the powerslam and low bridges Lashley to the floor. King is sent outside the same way, followed by Richards (with his heavily taped ribs) sending MVP out to join them. The Wolves hit stereo dives and Aries comes off the top to take out Lashley as we take a break.

Back with King in trouble but MVP throws in a kick from the apron to put Edwards in trouble. Lashley comes in off the tag and throws Eddie around with ease. He drives shoulders in the corner before it’s back to MVP for a hard lariat and two. King comes back in but Edwards flips out of a German suplex and makes the tag to Aries.

Austin fights hard but gets caught in a running powerslam from Lashley. Aries escapes the Royal Flush though and nails the brainbuster on King. Back to Richards who goes up and rips the tape off his ribs, only to have the double stomp hit King’s shoulders. Lashley spears him down though and MVP hits a Drive By for the pin on Richards at 14:50.

Rating: C. Not bad but the injury was clearly going to be the focal point of the match. I’m kind of surprised they had this match here instead of swapping some people in for a big match at the pay per view. I’m really hoping Dixie’s team doesn’t hook up with the trio but it certainly looks like we’re heading that way.

Bram tells Magnus to be out there for his match.

EC3 is worried about going through a table but Dixie says don’t worry about it because she has business with MVP.

Tigre Uno vs. Bram

Bram runs Tigre down to start and growls at him with some freaky eyes. Uno fights out of a choke but gets clotheslined down for his efforts. An Impaler DDT gets the pin on Tigre at 2:08.

Post match Magnus has to stop Bram from killing Tigre with the metal rod. Bram says the old Magnus would have ripped the mask off and beaten him senseless. Magnus says maybe Bram needs a better opponent. Maybe someone a little crazy. Maybe a former World Champion. Maybe….it should be Willow.

Anderson asks Gunner what’s up with him and Shaw. Gunner says Anderson knows what it’s like to be in the military and Shaw just needs someone to talk to. They’re a team tonight.

Brittany wants Madison Rayne’s help against the Beautiful People tonight. Madison tells her to not have the match and Brittany reluctantly agrees.

Gunner/Mr. Anderson vs. BroMans

The BroMans jump Gunner and Anderson to start and it’s Gunner in early trouble. Double teaming ensues and Robbie gets two off a middle rope knee drop. Gunner comes back with a bad looking fall away slam and it’s off to Anderson to clean house. Everything breaks down and the Mic Check sets up a top rope headbutt from Gunner for the pin on Robbie at 3:14.

Rating: D. Just a glorified squash here as Anderson vs. Gunner seems to be an upcoming story, even though Anderson vs. Storm was set up over the last few weeks. The BroMans have gone from Tag Team Champions to jobber tag team in just a few weeks, even though there’s almost no one to challenge the Wolves.

Post match the Menagerie comes out to freak out the BroMans. The goofy guys (the BroMans if that’s not clear) get destroyed.

Gail Kim agrees to be Brittany’s partner.

Here are Dixie and Ethan to call out MVP. The trio comes out and Dixie offers some help, but MVP says he’s got power and a title shot, so why does he need the Carters? Dixie threatens to go to Dallas and tell the board what kind of abuse of power MVP has been showing. So the board of directors doesn’t even watch the show? MVP says he has a ton of money, which Dixie calls dirty. MVP says he’d love to play a game of money chicken and see who blinks first.

Eric and Bully come out with weapons but Ray says don’t do it and wait for the time and place. MVP says it won’t go well for the champion and Eric should just lose the title and go fish. Bully wants to go now but Eric stops him. “Time and place. Where were you a few seconds ago when you said that?” MVP makes Ray vs. Eric with EC3 as the referee. Ray says no but MVP threatens to fire him.

Ray says go ahead but Dixie asks who is going to pick up the pieces and fight her and MVP? Eric doesn’t have the ego or stomach to fight this war. Also, isn’t Bully from New York, because New Yorkers don’t quit. Ray says he’ll never quit until Dixie is gone. All the people want Dixie out of here forever and promises to put all five people in the ring through tables.

We look at EC3 injuring Angle’s knee a few weeks back. Earlier today, Angle said the knee rehab is going well even though he’s still in a cast. He thanks the fans for their support.

Beautiful People vs. Brittany/Gail Kim

Brittany comes out and then runs up the ramp to point at Gail during her entrance. Angelina pops Brittany with forearms and a shoulder to start before running shaking her hips a bit. Velvet comes in for some choking in the corner but Brittany trips her up for two. The Beautiful People take her back into the corner for some double teaming before Brittany finally dives over for the tag. Brittany tags herself in and says she has this, only to miss a Tajiri handspring into a moonsault. Angelina kicks her head off with the Botox Injection to give Velvet the pin at 5:40.

Rating: D+. Totally basic match here but the problem is the story. As I’ve been saying for weeks now, this is the same stuff we’ve been seeing forever with the Beautiful People and it hasn’t been interesting in forever. It’s like they’re just completely out of ideas and they’re doing the same stuff over and over again.

Ray says if he beats Eric he’ll be #1 contender. They respect each other though, because that’s just what you do in TNA.

After a break and Brittany is still in the ring. She calls Madison down for a talk and asks her why she wouldn’t team up against the Beautiful People tonight. Madison says this is getting weird for her. The issues with the Beautiful People have been going on for years and there are some things that only her and the Beautiful People know about. She won’t be responsible for Brittany being dragged into that. Brittany says she’ll accept responsibility and only wants to be with Madison.

Madison asks what Brittany just said and Brittany gets close to her and repeats it. Rayne shoves her away and says this just went a bit too far. Brittany needs to keep her distance but that’s too far. Brittany freaks out and asks why Madison doesn’t like her. Cue the Beautiful People who say that’s the real Madison Rayne and they made her that way. Madison says she’s not like either of them and that she’s coming for the Title next week.

The trio wants to do business with EC3 and he’s kind of interested.

Bully Ray vs. Eric Young

Non-title. King is guest ring announcers, EC3 is guest referee, Lashley is guest enforcer and MVP is guest timekeeper because this idea hasn’t been done to death before. Lashley is holding Eric’s title. Ray actually starts with an armdrag but Young nails a pair of his own before dropkicking Ray to the floor. King gets in a cheap shot but Young comes out to stand guard.

Back with the guys still being tentative and not wanting to fight each other while also having to watch the trio on the floor. Ray finally gets tired of dealing with it (and we’re running out of time) and kicks Carter in the face. The trio comes in and beats both guys down for a no contest at roughly 10:00. I’m not going to rate this as a lot of it was during the break and there was barely any wrestling at all.

Samoa Joe returns for the save and does the always awesome side step of a King dive. A MuscleBuster to King ends the show.

Overall Rating: D. Do you remember back in the Aces and 8’s clubhouse when they threw darts to pick out their next targets? TNA feels like they’ve put every old booking idea on a dart board and throw darts to pick what they put on the shows. This week’s show was better than last week’s as they had some other stuff get focus, but at the same time it had the same lack of energy that TNA constantly deals with.

Above all else though, the moment they lost me this week was when Dixie Carter said Ray didn’t have the ability to fight this war. I actually said out loud, “Why does it have to be a war?”. We just got done having a nearly two year war against Aces and 8’s, and now that team’s leader is on the other side of a war? Why do we need to do this same thing again? Between that and the two heel groups seeming to merge or at least have common goals (albeit with issues between the leaders), it feels like we’re doing the same thing that people complained about for over a year. Why would I want to watch that again?

Results
MVP/Kenny King/Bobby Lashley b. Wolves/Austin Aries – Drive By to Richards
Bram b. Tigre Uno – Impaler DDT
Gunner/Mr. Anderson b. BroMans – Flying headbutt to Robbie
Beautiful People b. Brittany/Gail Kim – Sky pinned Brittany after a Botox Injection from Love
Eric Young vs. Bully Ray went to a no contest when Kenny King, Bobby Lashley and MVP interfered

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5 comments

  1. Jay H. (the real one) says:

    KB I don’t know how you put up with Impact every week anymore to be honest. There’s just nothing compelling about TNA anymore as its just the same Show week in,week out,year in,year out. If its not MVP vs Dixie fighting for control its been some other form of Factions doing it their entire exsistence. I can’t remember the last time I watched a full episode.

    jamesgracie Reply:

    “I can’t remember the last time I watched a full episode”

    Then you probably aren’t the best person to judge this show

  2. Heyo says:

    You know what i would love, just the sake of it?

    AJ Styles comes back, and both MVP and Dixie try to recruit him to their sides. He does this thing to tease joining either side, and responds by grabbing both of them into a double DDT, meaning he’s against both sides.

    Why? Because maybe, just maybe, this would transition into chaos that would make it every man for himself, meaning…NO FACTION WARS ANYMORE!

    Yes, I know that’s a longshot, but screw it.

    Jordan Reply:

    Yes, because it’s not like they tried running that angle LAST YEAR when AJ refused to join Aces & 8’s or TNA’s side when he was doing his Sting 97 stuff.

    Heyo Reply:

    Sorry, I didn’t remember that when I wrote this comment.