Impact Wrestling – May 29, 2015: Does It Really Matter Anymore?

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 29, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Al Snow

After all the insanity that’s been going on behind the scenes in this company, they’re really in need for a good show to calk things down a bit. This show is being billed as May Mayhem, which is their version of a pay per view this month. The main event is Eric Young challenging Kurt Angle in an I Quit match. Let’s get to it.

Eric Young pulls up to the arena where Kurt Angle is waiting on him. They slug it out in the parking lot until security breaks it up.

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Taryn Terrell

Inside a cage with Taryn defending. Gail goes right after her in the aisle and takes over before the bell. They finally get inside with Kim still dominating until Marti Belle reaches through the cage to pull Gail down, allowing Taryn to ram the ring finger into the cage to take over. Gail fights back again with ease until she tries to climb out, allowing the Dollhouse to interfere again, allowing Taryn to hit a quick Cutter for the pin at 5:20.

Rating: D. Well aside from how great Taryn looked, this was borderline worthless. At the end of the day, you need more than five minutes for a cage match. This is supposed to be some big blowoff to the feud and instead the whole thing can’t even make it to six minutes? The Dollhouse is awesome, but they played it pretty straight here, which defeats the purpose.

Post match the Dollhouse goes after Gail until Awesome Kong comes out. They manage to lock the door though, setting up the big beatdown. Taryn takes Gail’s ring off and stomps on Gail’s ring finger, apparently breaking it so the ring can’t go back on. Josh: “I know Taryn has issues we’re not supposed to talk about on air but this is going too far.”

So, unless they’re actually going to say what happened in Taryn’s marriage, this is going to be another big tease that never goes anywhere. Also, this would be more effective if they didn’t keep name dropping Gail’s celebrity chef husband, who is so famous that I’ve already forgotten his name.

Quick recap of James Storm being creepy and getting Mickie James to come back for one more match. Her husband Magnus isn’t pleased with this but that’s exactly what Storm wanted. Josh: “This isn’t PG.”

Here’s Mickie (in a very, very revealing dress) to talk about things. She can’t wait for the one more match but tonight she needs to talk about family and the heart. Magnus is her fiance, but James Storm has been a friend for years now. This brings out Storm, prompting Mickie to apologize for Magnus bashing him in the head with a guitar. James doesn’t need to hear that but Mickie insists on apologizing, even though Magnus is just trying to protect his family.

Storm insists he’s not a bad guy (has any good guy ever had to say that?) because if holding a door open for a woman or keeping her from getting attacked by Bram makes you a bad man, then yeah he’s a bad man. We hear about all the gifts James bought the family but Mickie didn’t think some of them were that funny.

James redeems himself by surprising Mickie by saying he’s set up some meetings with big names (like Billy Corgan) who want to meet Mickie and advance her career. Whatever Mickie picks, he’ll have her back. Storm leaves and Mickie tells the Cowboy (her word) she’ll see them in Nashville. There was a very subtle addition here as Storm kept inching closer to Mickie, making her back up a half step every little bit.

Kenny King isn’t worred about defending the X-Division Title in a gauntlet match.

Eric Young shows us a Tweet that we can’t see and headbutts through a window.

X-Division Title: Gauntlet Match

Why do we always need a gauntlet match or an elimination match or something other than a scheduled one on one match? There are seven people in this and another enters every 90 seconds. The first five will be eliminated over the top but when there are only two left, it’s a regular match for the win. Manik is in first and Rockstar Spud is in second and Champion Kenny King will be in seventh. Both guys go for eliminations until Manik sends him into the corner and DJZ, now with a blue/purple mohawk, is in third.

Manik gets double teamed until Mandrews is in fourth after a low less than ninety seconds. Spud and Mandrews team up on Manik but Spud can’t quite get him out, even as he bites Manik’s fingers. No one is eliminated yet and Argos is in fifth to speed things up for all of five seconds. Mandrews misses a shooting star and gets sent to the apron, setting up a kick to the face and a ram into the post for the first elimination. Crazzy Steve is in sixth as we take a break.

Back with Tigre Uno, who entered sixth during the break, being eliminated. Kenny King comes in seventh and the final group is everyone other than Tigre Uno. A big kick to the head drops Manik and another kick does the same to Young. Steve gets in a few shots and chokes over the ropes, only to get superkicked out to put us at five. Argos gets kicked to the floor for an elimination, followed by Spud jumping on King’s back. He manages to avoid elimination but eats the Royal Flush.

DJZ gets back up with a belly to back suplex into a facebuster on King, only to get backdropped out by Manik a few seconds later. Down to Manik, Spud and King with Manik offering an alliance with the champ. Spud is tossed to the apron but Manik jumps King from behind, only to be thrown out with an assist from Spud to get us down to the singles match. King chops Spud down and rips at his face but the Royal Flush is countered into a small package to give Spud the title at 16:48.

Rating: D+. So here’s one of TNA’s major troubles explained in one match. This was a major title match and had no build, no hype, and nothing interesting. There was no drama to anything here as the people came in and were eliminated before we got down to the final two for a very quick match with Spud winning. There was no reason to care about this and it a lot of that is due to how the match was booked instead of the action. The wrestlers didn’t have time to do anything and it caught up with them quickly.

Dirty Heels vs. Wolves

This is match #2 in a best of five series with the Wolves up 1-0. Roode throws Aries through the ropes for a suicide dive to start but Davey runs inside for a dive of his own on Aries. The Wolves double team Roode inside until Austin gets back in and things settle down a bit. Edwards chops away at Aries but Austin punches him in the face, setting up a tag to Roode for chops of his own.

The Heels (who aren’t heels) load up what looked like a Sharpshooter but Aries gets kicked into his partner, allowing the Wolves to double team even more. Davey puts Rode into a reverse figure four (with Roode facing the mat and Davey facing up) for a unique looking submission. The German suplex into the jackknife rollup gets two as the announcers are overhyping the heck out of this. Eddie puts Roode in a chinlock for a bit until Bobby fights up and makes the hot tag to Aries.

Austin speeds things up and snaps both Wolves’ throats across the top, setting up a missile dropkick to Edwards. There’s the Last Chancery on Davey and a Crossface to Eddie but both Wolves make the ropes. Something like Chasing the Dragon but with a Michinoku Driver instead of a brainbuster gets two on Aries but he pops right back up for the running dropkick in the corner, followed by the 450 to Eddie with Davey making the save. Another Last Chancery has Edwards in trouble but Richards comes in off the top with a double stomp for the save, setting up the powerbomb into a Backstabber to pin Austin at 11:09.

Rating: B. This was straight out of the indy playbook with the entire match being action from bell to bell. That sounds cool on paper, but between everything going all over the place and Josh telling us about two minutes in that this was a classic and something we were going to remember forever, the match kind of dulled on me very quickly. It’s definitely fun, but I prefer building up to the insane finish instead of just having it run the entire match.

Kenny King can’t get hold of MVP and wants him to call back.

Here’s Angelina Love to deal with Velvet Sky, who is sitting in the audience. Love brings out her own personal security to deal with Velvet if she tries anything. She screams at Velvet (with a voice that Vickie Guerrero would find annoying) and tells her to try something, of course drawing Velvet over the barricade for a quick beating until security pulls her off. Sky beats up security and goes after Love again until she’s handcuffed and taken away.

Mr. Anderson is very happy to not have Tyrus around for his match with Ethan Carter III tonight.

Ethan Carter III vs. Mr. Anderson

Anderson has a one man cage to lock Tyrus inside, guaranteeing that it’s one on one. Amazingly enough, Tyrus doesn’t want to go in so Anderson goes after him, allowing Carter to ram him face first into the cage. Back in and a quick suplex gets two for Carter as Snow challenges Dixie Carter to a street fight. A running clothesline gets two more on Anderson but he throws Carter through the ropes and into Tyrus, who still isn’t in the cage. Anderson nails Tyrus with a chair a few times to FINALLY get him in the stupid cage.

They slug it out back inside with Anderson taking over with the usual. A powerslam and backdrop get two each but Mr. gets crotched on top, setting up a TKO for two. Carter hits a Stinger Splash (complete with shout) but the 1%er is countered into a Regal Roll and Swanton for the same. The Mic Check connects for two and Anderson is stunned. He loads up another but Carter counters into a 1%er for the clean pin at 8:00.

Rating: C-. That’s a pretty clear ending to the feud, but my goodness TNA needs to slow down. This match started with a flurry with the Tyrus stuff then was just trading big moves for a few minutes until Carter won. They have to speed through everything on every show because they need to get so much stuff in. Calm down a bit and spread some stuff out so that stuff like this can have time to breathe.

Anderson offers a handshake but Carter shoves the hand away. Tyrus is left in the cage.

Rockstar Spud is very, very happy to be a two time champion. He hasn’t even had time to think about Destination X and Option C yet but maybe he needs a new goal.

TNA World Title: Eric Young vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending and this is an I Quit match. Both guys come out with security after being separated all night in another idea that didn’t go anywhere. Angle goes right at him to start and they’re slugging it out a minute in. Eric tries to jump over him in the corner but gets caught in rolling Germans to knock him even sillier. He won’t quit though so Kurt rolls even more Germans, only to be sent to the floor as we take a break. Back with Young slapping on a Figure Four for a bit until Angle turns it over, sending Young to the ropes.

Eric can’t get an Angle Slam so he puts Kurt in an ankle lock with a grapevine, only to have Kurt reverse into something resembling a Figure Four. More ropes are grabbed so Young goes up, only to dive into the real ankle lock. Young taps so Angle lets go, but Young never said I Quit. The distraction lets Young hit a low blow and piledriver. Still no quitting so Young loads up another piledriver, only to be countered into the ankle lock with the grapevine to retain Angle’s title at 13:10.

Rating: C-. Raise your hand if you expected ANYTHING but that as the ending. That’s where this match and feud died with me: no one in their right mind thought Young was winning the title at any point in this feud and that makes for some very dull matches. The match was watchable, but my goodness don’t let this feud keep going any longer and get Young down the card where he belongs.

Overall Rating: D+. This one didn’t do it for me. They were flying through every possible thing they could get through tonight and it made the show a lot weaker than it should have been. The matches were good while they lasted, but none of them had time to set up any kind of story or psychology, which really kills the show.

We’ve got a few weeks before Slammiversary and then just a few weeks before Destination X and then a few months before the show is probably getting kicked off the air because not enough people watch it. Could it be because they rush through hastily announced gimmick matches like these and don’t let anything have a proper build because they have to get through everything they can when they have two pay per views a year and seemingly could do things at whatever pace they want? This was an action heavy show but the lack of a foundation takes away anything good they had set up.

Results

Taryn Terrell b. Gail Kim – Cutter

Rockstar Spud won a gauntlet match, last eliminating Kenny King – Small package

Wolves b. Dirty Heels – Powerbomb into a backstabber to Aries

Ethan Carter III b. Mr. Anderson – 1%er

Kurt Angle b. Eric Young – Ankle lock

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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3 comments

  1. Jay H (the real one) says:

    I read they are Taping a bunch of TV the weekend of Slammiversary like they did last year before BFG. So once again we have no reason to care about what happens much less watch the upcoming TNA PPV.

    [Reply]

  2. Heyo says:

    Do you see the company surviving to BFG 2015, and if so, you think that’s going to be the end of TNA?

    [Reply]

    klunderbunker Reply:

    They’ll make it that far yeah. After that……I’m not sure.

    [Reply]

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