2010 Slammies

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 13, 2010
Location: New Orleans Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: CM Punk, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s Slammy night which is almost always fun. Tonight we find out who the fans deemed the best of 2010 which should be interesting. In storyline terms tonight we have the ultimatum for Barrett: either rehire Cena and end the attacks or he’s out of Nexus. Most interesting indeed. Let’s get to it.

There’s either a new theme song or it’s for the Slammys. There are tables, ladders and chairs in front of the announce table.

We open the show, I kid you not, with David Arquette. He more or less cuts a promo at the presentation table with a deep voice and talks about beating Eric Bischoff for the world title. He’s booed out of the building to be nice about it. He’s presenting Shocker of the Year.

Nominees:

Miz Cashing in Money in the Bank
Nexus’ Initial Attack on Raw
Paul Bearer Turns on Undertaker at Hell in a Cell
Orton Punts Jericho

Winner: Nexus’ Initial Attack on Raw. That’s without a doubt the right choice. The last two aren’t surprises at all as Bearer constantly turns on Taker and Orton’s punt meant nothing really. Miz was a shock but we all knew it was coming eventually. NO ONE saw Nexus coming.

Barrett comes out to accept on his own and says he’s responsible for Nexus being here. He hasn’t made his mind up about the Cena situation but he will by the end of the night. Barrett turns to leave and we get an E-Mail. In short, we’re getting a match right now.

Wade Barrett vs. Big Show

Show grabs the Slammy out of Barrett’s hand as he comes to the ring. Barrett hides from Show and hits the floor before any contact is made. Ah here we go as Show pounds away. Punk says Barrett is a hero for getting rid of Cena. Barrett gets a Greco-Roman thumb to the eye and goes after Show’s leg. Everyone tries that strategy and it rarely works.

Show wakes up and we head outside again for a BIG chop. Barrett’s back looks awful with all the welts on it. He grabs his Slammy and takes the walk for the count out at 2:45. No rating due to the shortness and the fact that a lot of that was Show setting for chops and Barrett hiding.

Voting is still open for Superstar of the Year.

There’s a battle royal for Diva of the Year later tonight.

Kelly Kelly is here for the Despicable Me Award, along with Tyson Kidd and his bodyguard who towers over both of them. Kelly can barely read her teleprompter. This is more or less the biggest heel move of the year. Tyson introduces his bodyguard, Jackson Andrews. Kidd makes fun of Kelly’s intelligence and she says he doesn’t talk much. I see why she hardly ever talks.

Nominees:
Drew McIntyre Making Teddy Long Lay Down
Kane Buries Undertaker Alive
Mr. McMahon Kicks Bret in the Gut
CM Punk Sings Happy Birthday to Rey Mysterio’s Daughter

Winner: CM Punk. That’s the best one probably as he was more or less pure evil there. This is his third Slammy and he celebrates like crazy in a funny bit. He says if you work hard you can achieve your dreams but tonight there is someone in the back that has wronged him. Punk will get him and what he did to Rey is nothing. He doesn’t say who it is.

Kofi Kingston/Daniel Bryan vs. Ted DiBiase/Dolph Ziggler

Bryan has the Bellas with him again. I would have expected Swagger instead of DiBiase but this works I guess. Ziggler is in traditional tights now instead of the shorts. We take a break before the bell. Back with the match already going. The heels beat on Bryan as we’re told that some awards were already handed out and those can be found on WWE.com.

Lots of chinlocks follow before Bryan gets away long enough to bring in Kofi. The Jamafrican gets Trouble in Paradise to Ziggler to win at 3:00 shown. Again there’s not enough here to rate as this was barely a match from what we were able to see. The Bellas looked great though.

Morrison vs. Sheamus again tonight.

Santino and Vladimir are here for the Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year Award. We get a MacGruber reference and Vlad isn’t happy with is so Santino kisses him. These two are rapidly growing on me.

Nominees:
Mike Tyson Knocks Out Chris Jericho
Pee Wee Herman vs. Miz
Wayne Brady Takes an RKO
William Shattner Sings Theme Songs

Winner: Pee Wee Herman. None of them are here tonight but Pee Wee accepts the award via satellite. I liked Shattner better which was awesome beyond words. Punk wants a recount.

Nexus confronts Wade about his decision with Otunga saying Barrett’s singles career isn’t looking good after his loss to Show. Barrett says he has his decision now and leaves.

Best Performance By a Winged Specimen: Raw Chicken
Best Use of Exercise Equipment: Rosa Mendes Uses a Shake-Weight
Most Menacing Haircut: Tyler Reks
Best Family Values: Kane Beats Up Jack Swagger Senior
Superstar/Diva Most in Need of Make-up: Sheamus
Cole in Your Stocking: Daniel Bryan Beats Up Cole on NXT
Outstanding Achievement of Baby Oil Application: Dashing Cody Rhodes
Frequent Tweeter Award: Goldust
Best WWE.com Exclusive TV Show: WWE NXT
Most Annoying Catchphrase: Zach Ryder for “Woo Woo Woo You Know It.”

Mark Henry vs. Cody Rhodes

Random matches for the win I guess. Cody tries basic stuff and gets LAUNCHED away. Mark grabs his face and messes it up. Why not go with basic attacks I guess? Cody trips him up and stomps away which is probably the best he’s going to be able to do. Henry keeps shoving him away with eas.

This is the basic formula for most super strong wrestlers: non-strong guy does what he can, strong guy does basic stuff, small guy moves out of the way of something to get the win. In this case it’s a charge from Henry that misses to set up the Beautiful Disaster and a top rope kneedrop to end it at 2:49. What’s with the short matches tonight? Match was ok but like I said there was more or less nothing going on there so again no rating. Sorry about the lack of them tonight.

Holy *#&$ Award next.

Lawler is presenting this one and is in his full attire. His co-presenter: Vickie. Oh joy indeed. This is the Holy @*$& Award. King says he was at the vet all night with his lizard who had reptile dysfunction. I hate my life. Vickie has slimmed down a bit so Lawler makes fat jokes.

Nominees:
John Morrison Dives off the Set at Hell in a Cell
Kofi Kingston’s Boom Drop at Money in the Bank
John Cena’s FU to Batista at Over the Limit
Randy Orton RKOs Evan Bourne Out of AirBourne

Winner: John Cena. That is RIDICULOUS. It was an FU off a car and that’s it. I was at the Raw where Orton hit the RKO and the place erupted. It was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen. This wasn’t even the best FU he’s ever hit and it wins an award? Give me a break.

Barrett comes out to accept the award and give his decision. He says that he’s not going to make his decision unless Cena is here so come on out. Cena comes through the crowd as you would expect him to. As Punk said last week: “We have the worst security in the world.” At least try to make it seem like he’s fired. Have a guard escort him or something.

Wade says that this is a huge decision and here comes Nexus. They surround the ring and Cena is officially rehired on two conditions. Number one is he has to face Barrett at TLC in a chair match. Wasn’t there already one of those scheduled? Number two is he faces Otunga tonight. Odd choice but ok.

Barrett says this is why he rehired him and Nexus attacks. Barrett grabs a chair and cracks Cena over the back with it. Nice shot so he does it again. Nexus leaves Cena laying. I’m really not big on them rehiring him that fast. That could have gone on for months but they pull the trigger that fast? I’m not digging that at all.

Next week there is a special two hour live Smackdown on USA and the Tribute to the Troops has an encore. The SD would be to avoid the show being on Christmas Eve which makes sense.

Arquette is back again, dressed like a low rent Elvis impersonator. He’s opening a theater in Hollywood or something like that. He’s presenting the Crowd Reaction of the Year.

Nominees:
Kid Reacting to Cena Joining Nexus
Woman Crying When Shawn Lost at Wrestlemania
Some Dumbstruck Moron (no event specified)
DEMON CHILD! (huge pop for that actually)

Winner: Do I even need to say this one? She’s here! She’s really quiet and here comes Miz. Oh this should be great. He offers to take the award for safekeeping and wants to see the face again. The girl gets all sad and leaves. Miz, Riley and Arquette come to the ring as the girl just leaves all sad.

Miz lists off his accomplishments this year which really are impressive. He says on Sunday he’s going to dominate Orton but we get an E-Mail. They actually have text on the monitor now. Both Miz and Orton are facing former champions tonight and Miz’s match is now.

The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio

I think there’s something wrong with the audio there as the theme music is somewhat quiet. Rey sends him to the floor as we take a break. Back and they go for Rey’s sit out bulldog and botch the HECK out of it. Rey may have tweeked his knee but he sets for the 619. Here’s Del Rip and Rey charges at him.

Miz catches him and sets for a powerbomb but drops backwards to send Rey face first into the apron which looked brutal. It gets two as it took awhile to get back into the ring. Rey’s knee looks fine so maybe he just landed oddly. Ah it was his ribs that he hurt. Superplex is blocked and Rey lands a big springboard crossbody for two.

Rey sets for the 619 but again Del Rio gets in his way. Miz is sent into him though and down goes Alberto. Rollup by Rey gets two. He sets for the 619 again but Del Rio interferes again and a small package gets the win for the champion at 3:30 shown of 7:00.

Rating: C+. This was pretty fast paced and it worked rather well. Miz cheated to win but that’s his job as a heel. He keeps getting victories over these big guys which is the best thing he can do to gain credibility. Decent little match with more added to the Rey vs. Alberto feud and Miz gets a nice win. What more can you ask for other than more time?

E-Mail says Orton vs. Arquette/Riley tonight. Oh dear.

Back from break and Edge is here for the Oh Snap Meltdown Award. Kane was supposed to co-present with him but he’s having a meltdown of his own. He needs a co-presenter so he brings out Christian. Nice indeed. So are they brothers or just friends at this point? He wants Alberto to win for various reasons.

Nominees:
Big Show Breaks Swagger’s Trophies
Alberto Del Rio Breaks Rey’s Arm/Wrist
Edge Destroys the Laptop
Batista Quits

Winner: Edge. I know people that that was awful but it really wasn’t so bad. I liked it a lot actually and it made sense. Edge says this is odd as he’s always been calm and cool and loses his mind about the laptop again. He apparently has a match with Swagger later and

Christian gets an E-Mail on his phone. Edge: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! Christian: Yes I am. Funny stuff. Edge cuts a short promo and says that things always stay the same. Christian does the e-mail sound into the microphone so Edge can say “And I quote: Michael Cole is still a huge tool.” I love these two.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison

It’s the inbred spawn of Batman and Satan! Morrison spears Sheamus down and it’s on early. Sheamus spears Morrison down just as hard and it’s a big brawl. It’s thrown out in 30 seconds for a double DQ. And before people freak out, that ending is perfect. It sets up the PPV and doesn’t give the match away again so soon. It’s perfect.

An E-Mail says Morrison vs. Sheamus at TLC in a ladder match for the #1 contendership. I’ve been calling Miz vs. Morrison at the Rumble for months so that would make perfect sense. Sheamus jumps Morrison post E-Mail and spears him with one of the ladders that were at ringside. He sets the ladder up at an angle against the apron and launches Morrison over the top to land back first on the ladder. FREAKING OW MAN!

Back from a break with JTG and William Regal presenting Knucklehead Moment of the Year. Regal tries to get through this quickly because he doesn’t understand JTG.

CM Punk Tries to Hide from Show and Gets Unmasked
Mae Young Wins at Old School Raw
Beth Phoenix is in the Rumble and Eliminates Great Khali
Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov Have a Dance-Off

Winner: Mae Young and Laycool. I’m not sure what the point of this was as those weren’t really knuckleheaded moments. Either way Laycool comes out and look great to accept it.

Diva Battle Royal next.

Battle Royal

Laycool, Kelly, Maryse, Eve, Bella Twins, Rose, Melina, Alicia, Kaitlyn, Beth, Tamina, Natalya

I think that’s everyone but I’m not sure. Everyone surrounds Laycool and to their credit they’re like BRING IT ON. Tamina chills in the corner for a bit but puts out Kaitlyn. You can go through the ropes here. Rosa is out second. She has never won a match on the main roster. Tamina is out.

A Bella is out as they’re flying out of here insanely fast. The other Bella goes out with ease as Laycool is dominating. Maryse is gone. There’s no particular rhyme or reason here as you would expect in a battle royal. Michelle, looking GREAT in those red shorts, puts out Kelly who looks GREAT in those white shorts. Beth Glam Slams Melina out.

Down to Laycool, Beth, Natalya, Gail and Alicia. Beth kicks Layla out and she FREAKS. She distracts the Glamazon long enough to let Michelle put out Beth. Natalya puts out Alicia and Gail and walks into a big kick from Michelle who wins this at approximately 3:30.

Rating: C. This is hard to grade as battle royals aren’t something that there are standards for. This was fine for what it was and one of the girls that should have won it got the award so I can’t complain. Also you have hot women so how much can you really complain? Good stuff.

Another E-Mail says Beth/Natalya vs. Laycool in a tag team tables match. The look on Michelle’s face is AWESOME.

Quick recap of Kane accidentally killing Paul Bearer on Smackdown.

Edge vs. Jack Swagger

Triple threat ladder match at the PPV for the IC Title: Ziggler vs. Kofi vs. Swagger. Wow this is going to be all gimmick matches isn’t it? Swagger overpowers Edge to start as it’s pretty clear that Kane will be involved here somewhere. After a brief beating, Edge gets an Edge-O-Matic to take over again. DDT gets two.

Swagger gets a shot in and sets for the Vader Bomb with Edge having his knees up before Swagger gets to the corner. Thankfully he winds up landing on his feet and grabs the ankle lock. Much better. Edge reverses the ankle lock into a rollup for two. There’s the Impaler and the spear ends this completely clean at 4:50. No Kane? Really?

Rating: C+. Quick match but it worked pretty well for the most part. Edge winning clean works but Swagger can’t buy a break for the most part as he’s constantly losing clean. If he’s going into a title match Sunday, couldn’t they get someone else to fight Edge? Like Chavo or someone? Decent little match though.

Riley, Miz and Arquette have a stupid moment. Arquette has energy. You have to give him that.

We see clips of the Slammy winner for video game moment of the year. It’s nothing special at all.

Big Show is here to present moment of the year. He talks about some great moments and mentions Hogan, Superfly and Austin. Tonight something joins them. I doubt that.

Nominees:
Cena is Free or Fired
Sheamus Jumps HHH as he Says Goodbye to Shawn
Edge’s Huge Spear at Wrestlemania
Streak vs. Career

Winner: Streak vs. Career. Thank goodness. Shawn…isn’t here, but he appears on satellite and is in an undisclosed location which he won’t say because WWE would try to make him come back. Funny line. He has a big cut on his nose. Shawn says he doesn’t miss it but does miss the fans who he might see soon.

Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley/David Arquette

I never thought I’d have to type that. Riley starts and actually gets Orton down. Then Arquette comes in and runs away after Orton sets for the RKO. Backbreaker to Riley and the knee drop hits. Then it misses. Arquette is wearing what Punk calls Clubber Lang’s Gi. That fits rather well actually. Orton hits an Angle Slam on Riley and there’s the RKO for the easy pin at 2:45. No rating for an extended workout for Orton.

Miz blasts Orton with the briefcase post match and they try to put him through a table. He fights them off and Arquette goes through it instead as every WCW fans ejaculates at once. Somewhere Russo is saying we just didn’t get it. Stretcher ride for Arquette.

We run down the TLC card. I kind of like them just saying screw it: let’s go all the way with the gimmicks. It makes it more appealing than last year’s.

The presenter for the Quote of the Year: Michael Cole.

There are too many nominees to list off. It’s more or less every funny line of the year with some very funny ones in here, my favorite being “I would RKO my own Grandmother to get back the WWE Title.”

Winner: Michael Cole. Apparently he wins in general. He of course has a speech ready. He gets played off and the Superstar of the Year is next. Isn’t there supposed to be a Match of the Year award?

Teddy Long comes out to do Superstar of the Year.

Nominees:
Edge
The Miz
Kane
John Cena
Rey Mysterio
Randy Orton

Winner: John Cena. Is anyone really surprised by that? He says that his fans never gave up on him and runs down a list of things he’s done this year. Cena talks about getting all of Nexus and having only Barrett and Otunga to go.

John Cena vs. David Otunga

Otunga hasn’t come to the ring yet and it’s 11:05. How long do you think this is going to go on for? Cena looks pretty good for a guy that took two chair shots earlier. We see a clip of that attack as we apparently need to waste more time. Otunga high flives every Nexus member other than Barrett but they smile at each other.

Barrett sends Nexus to the back and leaves as well. Cena attacks as Otunga turns around and methinks this isn’t going to last long. Cena is all kinds of ticked off. He misses a charge in the corner and here comes Otunga. He’s clearly winning here. You know he will right? I mean he’s DAVID OTUNGA! A kind of Pounce/elbow smash hits and there’s the STF to end it in 1:58. Well they made it quick. Just a squash.

Post match Cena destroys Otunga with a chair as Barrett just stands there watching.

Overall Rating: B. I liked the show. A lot of things were set up for the PPV and overall the show was fun. It’s no classic and last week’s was better, but overall this worked rather well I thought. It’s not an incredibly serious show but then again it’s not supposed to be. It was a fun go home show for a gimmick PPV and it worked fine for what it was supposed to be. Pretty solid show and rather fun. Good stuff.