NXT – March 1, 2011: The Stupidest Thing I’ve Ever Seen In WWE

NXT
Date: March 1, 2011
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Todd Grisham

This is the finale of Season 4 and I can’t say I’m complaining.  The two finalists are the monster Brodus Clay and the guy that makes having a bowl of vanilla ice cream while comparing the speed of paint drying against the speed grass grows sound like the time of your life, Johnny Curtis.  I have a bad feeling they’ll give it to Curtis as I’ve thought that’s what was coming since the season premiere.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the entire season so far.  My goodness O’Brian and Novak were worthless.

In the arena, Striker introduces the pros and then the rookies.  WE WANT BATEMAN chant.  But Vince and company doesn’t and they know what the fans want right?  Curtis says he should win because it’s personal and has been a fight between these two since the beginning.  He’s fought all his life and is going to kick Brodus’ teeth in.  Truth had to tell the crowd to be quiet so Curtis could talk.  They were chanting for Bateman.  Clay says Curtis stood up the entire season and they would be friends otherwise.  Brodus makes it clear that he’s the heel by making anti-Cleveland statements and talks about leaving like LeBron: a winner.  That sets up this.

Brodus Clay vs. Johnny Curtis

Clay sends him to the floor to start.  Back in and Curtis tries to stick and move.  He escapes the Tongan Death Grip but is taken down off the middle rope as we take a break.  There’s a new DVD coming out called the True Story of Wrestlemania with a bunch of behind the scenes stuff.  That could be very entertaining from a variety of perspectives.  Back with Clay holding Curtis in a nerve hold.

The idea here is that Clay is just doing basic stuff and letting Curtis make mistakes.  Suplex gets two and we go back to the nerve hold.  Clay goes after Truth but misses a corner splash.  DDT puts Clay down for a bit but the power of fat compels Curtis to get armdragged/wrist dragged off the top and the splash ends it at 5:30.

Rating: C. Well the right guy won at least.  I was hoping they weren’t going to pull the stupid surprise switch at the end by having Curtis get dominated the whole time and getting the fluke win.  This wasn’t bad but we’ve seen these two fight all season and no one cares anymore I don’t think.

Truth defends Curtis post match which means nothing.

Bryan and Bateman are in the back.  Bateman has a tag match later in an NXT reunion or something.  Bryan fulfills his promise by punching him in the face (read as he has his fist up and pushes it out which knocks Bateman down) for being eliminated.  Bryan says win this for chicks, for America and for Cleveland.  Funny stuff as usual, but since he can’t uh…..uh……just be there with Truth I guess, he’s been eliminated.

And yes I make fun of Curtis a lot but they did this last season with Kaitlyn by just deciding she was going to win and they’re doing it again here while Bateman and AJ respectively were clearly more popular but the company decided otherwise.  It’s rather annoying and when you have to see it coming all season it’s even more annoying.

I was killing time because it was a commercial and now we reair the Rock promo from last night.  It was very intense but at the same time he didn’t convince me of a thing.  I still side with Cena in this almost entirely.  I get that Rock vs. Cena is far more important and entertaining than NXT, but when the show is 50 minutes long including commercials and 20% of that is dedicated to something from last night, why should I believe that the show I’m watching is important?  They do it on Smackdown too which makes it even more questionable.

Conor O’Brian/Derrick Bateman vs. Jacob Novak/Bryon Saxton

Oh please make it short.  Bateman is the hometown boy so he’s the most popular of course.  It helps that he’s arguably the only talented one in there.  O’Brian and Novak start us off and the fans chant for Bateman.  Off to Saxton and we’re already having a boring match here maybe 90 seconds in.  The non-Bateman team tags in and out a lot while I guess we’re waiting for the hot tag to Bateman.

O’Brian is getting destroyed so there’s some value to this match already.  No mention of Season 5 so far if you were wondering.  Saxton stops the tag for a bit but can’t do it again.  Bateman comes in and cleans house on both heels (I think.  It’s hard to call O’Brian a face) but gets caught in that Downward Spiral Stunner that Ziggler uses by Saxton.  Novak walks out on the match and Bateman hits a bulldog/DDT hybrid to beat Saxton at 4:40.  Unique finisher if nothing else.

Rating: D+. Totally worthless match here as the whole thing was clearly just to have Bateman win it at the end.  Novak continues to perhaps be the most worthless wrestler this decade which is saying a lot.  Boring match but they needed to fill time since there was only one promo with meaning from last night.

We recap the main event of Raw to waste more time.  The camera deal was funny.

We reair the Shawn Michaels analysis or whatever you want to call that from last night to fill in even more time.  You couldn’t do like, Truth vs. Bryan or something to fill in 8 minutes?

Before we end the show, Josh says watch Smackdown to see Taker return.

Here’s a promo for Smackdown, saying Taker returns!  Why do I watch this show again?

There’s going to be a Season 5.  DANG IT!!!!  It’s going to be like nothing we’ve ever seen before but we get no more details than that.

Striker thanks the Pros as we’re finally at the ending.  Johnny Curtis wins.   I give up.  The winner is 3-7 and they made it clear this guy was going to win in the first episode, making the rest of this show COMPLETELY POINTLESS.  What in the world are they even airing this for anymore?  Total failure here as Clay dominated him in the ring and was pushed as a major guy all season, making the matches and competitions totally pointless.  I’m legit mad here and yet I’m totally not surprised at all.  Curtis says nothing of note and Clay hugs him.  Clay says he’ll take things from the fans now who took his dream away.

Overall Rating: F-. The matches sucked, the show wasn’t interesting and other than Orton vs. Nexus, I think they covered everything on Raw last night that mattered.  On top of that, the ending is as completely stupid a moment in WWE as I have ever seen which is saying A LOT.  I love WWE, but this is the first time I’ve ever considered not watching a show.  That says a lot but that’s how awful this was.  Pathetic and I’m legit mad about this.  Freaking nonsensed.

Results

Brodus Clay b. Johnny Curtis – Splash

Derrick Bateman/Conor O’Brian b. Jacob Novak/Byron Saxton – Bulldog DDT to Saxton

Johnny Curtis won Season 5 of NXT

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