Impact – March 3, 2011: It’s SHOWTIME Folks!

Impact
Date: March 3, 2011
Location: Crown Coliseum, Fayetteville, North Carolina
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re finally to the big night for TNA where we’re out of the Impact Zone for the first time in years.  Tonight we have the revelation of the 3-3-11 video (I wonder if the fans there will be confused by it as the show was taped while Impact was aired last week), the final verdict in the Dixie vs. Hogan court case and the renewal of the wedding vows of the Jarretts.  Let’s get to it.

We open with Dixie looking very sad.  After thanking the fans for their support, she says things didn’t go the way she planned in the court case and here’s Immortal.  Bischoff more or less says hit the bricks but that he respects her.  He says she has a massive set of guts for being a woman in a man’s sport.  Flair says that if she had slept with him back in Orlando none of this would have happened.  He says it’s about money and power and whoever has the most wins.  Here’s Hulk for the first time in I think 14 weeks?

Hogan says he was in court earlier today and he now controls all of TNA.  Ok so now can we do something other than a power struggle?  Dixie gets fired to no one’s shock.  The place looks far better than the Impact Zone.  Dixie starts crying as Hulk says he and Eric used her to get back on top of the wrestling business.  She supplies the money and that’s it apparently.  So what was the point in firing her then?  Hogan does a freaky country accent when he says he’s about to take her dignity.

Dixie tries to say that the fans can do something about this which isn’t really clear.  After Hogan earlier said she was fired, Hogan says it’s him and her running TNA now.  Cue Fourtune with AJ saying they like doing it the hard way.  He says there’s a woman in the ring and she brought them there.  The arena looks kind of like the final days of Nitro but with the tron videos instead of the WCW logo on the big screen.

Roode says Hogan was his idol but now he’s let Roode down.  Flair says he and Hogan are friends but Roode cuts him off.  Flair keeps talking anyway.  Fourtune storms the ring but security stops them as we go to a break.

Back with Immortal celebrating in the back and Hogan introduces them to Bart Scott, a member of the New York Jets.  Scott and Matt go somewhere.  Neither of the Jeffs have been seen so far.  Matt and Bart run into Dixie who is with Fourtune and they shout stuff at her while Dixie runs.  Kaz and AJ get in a fight with them as I guess Immortal went somewhere else.  Security breaks it up.  While this is going on the Jarretts show up and walk between the brawling guys.

Here’s a video recapping the Jarretts vs. Angle which is finally done tonight.  Tonight Kurt walks Karen down the aisle for the renewal of the Jarretts’ wedding vows.

Back with Bischoff telling Hogan that Jeff Hardy has to defend the title tonight but the network won’t tell him the opponent.  Hogan says they’ll be ready.

Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Gunner/Murphy

 

Amazing how much better Gunner and Murphy look in actual tights.  I actually buy them as challengers….kind of.  Storm has the stupid Boozer Cruiser back again.  The ring looks smaller than usual.  Gunner/Murphy jump the champions to start but Storm fights out of it and hits a Codebreaker to I think Gunner.  Off to Roode who gets a nice pop.  He cleans house as this arena looks and feels a lot better than the Impact Zone already.  Spinebuster gets two on Gunner but Murphy kicks Roode’s head off.  After some heel miscommunication, Beer Money hits DWI on Gunner to end this at 3:07.

Rating: C-. Well Gunner and Murphy didn’t look quite like jobbers here.  They looked even lower than that somehow.  This was just a workout for Beer Money as no one bought Gunner/Murphy as legit challengers.  This was no challenge at all with no drama.  Pretty weak match but at least the champions looked strong.

Ink Inc comes out post match and say they want a title match.  Moore says DILLIGAF means do I look like I give a, and here he throws it to the crowd, and it’s censored.  That was a bit odd but whatever.  Beer Money accepts the challenge and apparently it’s at the PPV.

The Jarretts are ready and Young pops up in a tuxedo t-shirt and wants to be the best man.  He’s turned down and wants to be the maid of honor, flower girl or ring bearer.  Apparently the last one is accepted.

Some Jersey Shore chick is here.

Kurt is here with his son.

Sarita vs. Velvet Sky

 

I’m pretty sure Sarita swore she would be here alone but Rosita is there too.  If Velvet loses she’s gone.  No sexy entrance for the Beautiful People to lower this match already.  Velvet pulls Sarita by the hair and takes her down with a clothesline.  Belly to back is reversed by Sky for two.  Dropkick by Saita misses and Velvet gets an armdrag.  Rosita tries to come in and Angelina makes the save.  They both get thrown out and it’s one on one.

Sarita takes over with some knees to the back and then dances a bit.  After Tenay plugs a new Spike TV show, Sarita tries a Pedigree or something like one but Velvet reversed into a DDT for the pin at 2:00.  No rating due to the shortness but at least that ends it clean once and for all.

Post match Cookie and Robbie E come out with the other Jersey Shore chick: Angelina.  This is about J-Woww, the other Jersey Short chick that was here.  Jersey Angelina says she wants J-Woww there and wants the Beautiful People to tell her.  Velvet says do it yourself and turns to leave.  Catfight of course breaks out and Sarita helps in the beatdown.  Angelina Love says there will be a six way next week, so the Jersey Shore chick is fighting.  No clue if the Beautiful People will have J-Woww or likely Winter with them.

Back with Anderson saying he’ll get his title back and that he is ratings.  He sounds very, very drunk.

Eric says that he’s the ring bearer and Orlando is flower girl.  Eric says that Jordan stole Karen’s ring which is in his nose.  The ring is actually in Eric’s shoe.  Uh…yeah.

Jeff Jarrett is in the bathroom getting ready and they have a ten foot tall wedding cake.  Flair comes in to talk about the honeymoon.  Jeff has a big honeymoon plan and they’re going to Orlando to take the family to the Harry Potter park.  I want to go!  Flair says he’s an idiot.

Kurt is taping his fists and his son leaves with a production guy.  The wedding is next.

Back with Hogan talking on the phone to someone in Paris.  I think it’s the network people.  Yeah it is as Hogan is complaining about not knowing the opponent as he wants Anderson.  Hogan says he doesn’t like the idea of surprises = ratings.  He agrees to whatever the network guy says and hangs up, clearly annoyed.

Time for the wedding.  Eric Young is the ring bearer and Orlando Jordan is the flower girl.  Jeff comes out thankfully not to his theme music.  Tazz keeps calling Karen by the name Karen Angle.  And of course here’s Kurt and the brawl is on.  Jeff almost goes into the definitely not ten foot cake.  Kurt hits a clothesline and here’s Karen.  She slaps Kurt and goes into the cake.  Angle’s music plays it out.  This whole thing might have lasted two and a half minutes.

Hogan is in the back with Jeff Hardy and Hogan says no more ladder matches.  That’s something they can control.  What they can’t control is that Jeff is labeled as a fighting champion and he has to fight tonight.  Jeff doesn’t like not knowing his opponent.  Hogan blames the ratings for the problem.  He says Jeff is like a son to him and gives him a pep talk.  Jeff says he’ll do it and we go to a break.

The Jarretts are all ticked off and yell at Flair and Bischoff.  Even Flair is scared of her.  Eric says the wedding will still take place while Karen screams.  Hogan pops up and asks if Eric knows who’s coming from the Network but they might have an idea.  They don’t say a name though.  Flair is sent to take care of the wedding thing.

Rob Terry vs. Scott Steiner

 

Oh this could be bad.  During Terry’s entrance we get a clip of him jumping Steiner last week during the posedown.  Scott dominates to start and sends Terry to the floor.  Steiner goes into the post with both his face and his back.  Powerslam by Terry gets two.  Steiner gets a boot up and a belly to belly to set up a Downward Spiral.  Steiner Line puts him down again.  There’s the elbow and the pushups.  Angle Slam from the middle rope sets up the Recliner and it’s over at 3:15.

Rating: C. Considering who was in here this was a near miracle.  Steiner more or less did a greatest hits collection here minus the Frankensteiner.  That’s probably the best thing they could do as Steiner is the far more talented guy out there.  Not nearly as terrible as it could have been but that’s because they kept it short.

Flair and Bart Scott go up to Angle in the locker room and apparently Bart is going to be the enforcer for the wedding.

Some MMA guy (I don’t follow MMA so I only vaguely know what Bellator is) is here for commentary on this match.

Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan

 

Hernandez jumps him quickly but Morgan takes him down.  The MMA guy has energy if nothing else.  I don’t have a problem with guest commentators that aren’t wrestling guys as long as they sound like they want to be there, which he does.  Hernandez tries to leave so Morgan grabs him and brings him back in.

Hernandez blocks a side slam and tries the shirt throw.  Morgan blocks and Hernandez goes flying.  That looked great.  Hernandez takes a clothesline to take him to the floor.  Out to the floor and Hernandez suckers him into the stairs to take over.  Morgan gets rammed in again and again and Hebner throws it out at 4:30 for the longest match of the night so far.

Rating: D. Weak match here that really didn’t solve anything.  They’ll keep feuding and likely have the match at Victory Road.  Not interesting in the slightest and it was sloppy on top of that.  Also that commentator was trying but he was out of his element, which is understandable.

Hogan more or less cuts a promo on some guy on the phone, demanding to know the opponent.  Anderson comes in and is told he doesn’t get his shot again.  Hogan is upset about not knowing what happens to Immortal after this.  Anderson doesn’t seem to care.  Hogan has to stop to put on a back brace.  That’s like the ending to a bad joke.   Anderson says Hogan disgusts him now.  Hogan says let him know when he slams a 700lb giant.  Good line.

Now we get a preview for the new Spike show.

Time for wedding #2.  Young it still wedding bearer and Jordan is still flower girl.  Jeff doesn’t have a coat on this time.  Kurt walks Karen down the aisle.  He’s smiling and Karen seems to still have cake on her face.  Kurt is all happy here and it’s rather amusing.  No Bart Scott in sight.  The fans boo at the or forever hold your piece line.  They both say I will and all that jazz.  The minister asks the fans if they’ll support the Jarretts.  Take a guess how that goes over.

Now we get to hear CUSTOM vows.  We’ve had a combined 12 minutes of wrestling and we’re getting custom vows.  Wow indeed.  Jeff says he’s long winded and would be nervous so he wrote his out.  He runs down Kurt the whole time and Kurt just keeps smiling away.  He’s looking over Jeff’s shoulder and it’s rather creepy.  Karen is the wind beneath his wings.

Karen says Jeff is a real man and the princess is taken care of.  Oh and Kurt didn’t screw her enough apparently.  Jeff completes her.  The minister announces them as husband and wife through the power vested in him by the department of motor vehicles.  The unintentional comedy is helping here.  They actually get through the kissing of the bride, so Kurt busts out an axe and starts hacking the set to pieces, all with that creepy grin on his face.  That was kind of awesome.

Bischoff sends out Bart Scott.  Yes send your celebrity out to the CRAZY MAN WITH AN AXE!  Surprisingly enough they go at it and Kurt grabs the ankle lock and cranks on it.  Didn’t expect that.  Segment went WAY too long but the ending helped it a lot.

Hardy says he’s ready.

Some feet get out of a limo.  Yeah that hasn’t been done recently either.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. ???

 

Ok so this is the announcement that’s going to CHANGE WRESTLING FOREVER!  It’s 11pm and the opponent is…..Sting.  HAHA WWE couldn’t do it so TNA can.  Yes Eric you’re very cute.  Sting is winning the title tonight isn’t he?  And Sting is in sequins.  There’s red in his paint though so I guess this is a bit different now?  He has red sequins on his legs and crotch but points for the actual ring jacket/robe instead of a big trenchcoat.

Taz flat out says this was about where Sting would wind up so yes this is yet again shifting the entire main event around for a shot at WWE.  Sting goes right for him and Hardy bails.  Back in and Hardy beats Sting down with three shots.  COME ON HERO (ten points to whoever knows what I’m referencing).  Hardy can’t get a suplex and there’s the Scorpion already but Jeff is on his hands.  Sting looks like he’s ordering dinner.

A rope is grabbed and we head to the aisle.  Suplex by Sting on the ramp as it’s more or less all Sting here.  Sting (of course) misses the splash on the railing and we hit the chinlock back in the ring.  That gets him nowhere as Sting thumps his chest and hits the Scorpion Death Drop for two.  Whisper in the Wind is crotched and Sting gets another Death Drop from the ropes.  Another gets the pin and the title at 6:15 for the longest match of the night by far.

Rating: C-. So let me get this straight.  Anderson had a rematch clause, won a #1 contender’s match last week, and Sting wins the title here, likely owing Jeff a rematch now?  In other words, we now have no reason to ever buy a #1 contender match again right?  The surprise is good and the match was just a main event WWE style brawl from the late 90s.  It wasn’t terrible but the booking is a BIG question mark for me.  Not terrible though.

Big celebration ends the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Well this one was hard.  There were good and bad things here for sure.  First of all, the arena looked great and there’s definitely an energy about being out of the Impact Zone.  A lot of stuff was taken care of tonight and we moved forward on some stuff.  The bad stuff however though was there too and I think was more prevalent.

First of all, the wedding was way too long and ate up too much time.  Coupling that with about 20 minutes of wrestling, this was another talking heavy show which is getting old.  I’m getting fed up with a bunch of 3 minute matches and a ten minute main event.  Also the Sting title win makes the whole main event scene all turned around again, but it does set up Victory Road…kind of.  Either way, this wasn’t bad and was definitely better than Raw this week.

Results

Beer Money b. Gunner/Murphy – DWI to Gunner

Velvet Sky b. Sarita – DDT

Scott Steiner b. Rob Terry – Steiner Recliner

Matt Morgan b. Hernandez via DQ when Hernandez rammed Morgan into the stairs multiple times

Sting b. Jeff Hardy – Scorpion Death Drop