Impact Wrestling – May 26, 2011 – Screw This Company. Or Maybe Just Velvet.

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 26, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s the second week of Impact Wrestling and hopefully tonight we’ll have a bit more actual wrestling rather than last week when there was as much on a regular episode of Impact.  Anyway we’re also going to have some more advance in the Sting vs. Anderson feud as last week Anderson laid the champion out.  Also if I remember right we’re going to get Hogan and Foley again tonight which is rather fun.  Anyway, let’s get to it.

An opening graphic says in memory of Randy Savage.  Classy.

Sting talks about being champion and we get a clip of Anderson jumping him last week as the old Sting.

We actually start with a match, called a tag team competition by Christy.

Tommy Dreamer/Bully Ray vs. Christopher Daniels/AJ Styles

 

This is a street fight.  Tonight there’s going to be something called the Scorpion Sitdown which is Sting’s interview segment.  AJ is still in a neckbrace so he can barely move here.  This is a smaller one though and looks like a big pad.  We start on the floor in a big brawl.  Ray vs. Daniels is going on at ringside while Dreamer and AJ head into the crowd.  AJ manages to throw Dreamer off a small balcony and dives on him to take out both guys.  Daniels busts out some weapons in the ring and beats Ray down with them.

BME eats a boot as at least AJ is back at ringside.  Rock Bottom gets two for Ray but he walks into a Pele.  Dreamer is back in the ring also.  The neck brace comes off as Immortal takes over.  Neckbreaker hits for Ray and Dreamer adds one of his own.  Daniels is still down so this is more or less open season on AJ.  Daniels goes down again as they keep showing replays.  Daniels gets back in time to break up a spike Piledriver and kills Ray with a kendo stick.  Spike Piledriver with Daniels doing the spiking ends Dreamer at 5:00.

Rating: C. Not bad for a brawl here but how weak does Immortal look when they can’t even beat a guy with a bad neck after working on his neck?  Anyway not bad but I kind of wonder what the point is in having AJ doing an injury angle when he can wrestle through it without any real issues.  Either way, nice to start off with a match.

Hogan is here.

Time for the Scorpion Sitdown and it’s Anderson as Sting.  Nothing like a talking segment on a WRESTLING show right?  Anderson says that it’s a sitdown because he’s too old to wrestle.  Remember that he’s talking as Sting.  His guest: Disco Inferno.  He’s a guy that was with Sting throughout WCW despite them never interacting that I remember.  Disco doesn’t get why he’s here but he’ll tell Anderson the truth about Sting.

Anderson randomly shouts during Disco’s talk and Disco gets ticked off at him.  Disco says that whether you liked Sting or not, he commanded respect.  Everyone grew up loving him and that’s all there is to it.  Anderson gets all annoyed and says that Disco is here to bury Sting and that’s the entire point.  Disco wants to know why Anderson is a jerk.  He even says it into the mic and gets up.  And there’s a Mic to the head and a Mic Check to Disco.  The real Sting comes off to run Anderson off.

Eric Young, still with the TV Title, goes into a bathroom and Gunner jumps him but Young has an idea.  Young will lay down tonight and Gunner will get the TV Title belt back while Young will get his old world title back.  Young leaves and Gunner calls him an idiot.

Velvet calls out ODB, saying she’s got a little explaining to do.  Well she looks better than Desi Arnaz.  ODB comes out and says Velvet got her fired last year.  Velvet says she’s worked her way here and ODB says she’s gotten here on her back.  Since Velvet hasn’t ever even been Knockouts Champion she must not be that good in the sack.  ODB drills her and the beating is on.  Velvet more or less runs and Velvet still doesn’t get what’s going on.

Video on RVD vs. Angle tonight which they’re trying to make seem like a huge level match.

Back from a break and we recap the ending to last week’s show with Roode having his arm destroyed by Immortal.

Beer Money is in Bischoff’s office and the doctor says Roode is kind of iffy about being able to wrestle.  They have a tag title match at Slammiversary and it’s 30 days for a defense so if the titles aren’t defended the belts will be stripped.  Storm says it’s a torn pectoral so he won’t be cleared in three weeks.  Bischoff has to know by the end of next week and says he might appoint a replacement.  Bischoff suggests that the Hillbilly Jesus (Storm) go get some manure and put it on Roode’s arm to heal it.  Storm threatens Bischoff and Bischoff says do it and you’ll never work again.  The champs leave and that’s that.

We actually get a clip from Xplosion where Pope hit on D-Von’s wife and D-Von wasn’t happy with it.  Pope says D-Von needs to chill.

Angle is with Morgan in the back as I guess wrestling matters so much they’re afraid to have any of it in case it gets wasted.  Angle says watch out for Karen.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Matt Morgan

 

I guess the competition thing is going to be a regular thing.  Supposed to sound real perhaps?  Karen is on crutches and looks very good in blue.  Before the match Jeff grabs a chair to give Karen something to sit in.  Earl doesn’t like it and throws Karen out.  Oh wait he’s allowing Karen to sit but she has to sit at the end of the ramp.  Jeff gets a thumb to the eye very early and hits a top rope cross body for two.

That goes nowhere and it’s time for the elbows in the corner to give Morgan control.  Side slam gets two.  Carbon Footprint misses in the corner and Jeff works on the leg.  Fallaway Slam gets two as another cross body doesn’t work.  Karen comes down to ringside as Morgan gets a Michinoku Driver of all things for two.

And never mind as Karen gives him the crutch and a shot with that sets up the Stroke for only two.  Thought that was the ending.  Jeff jumps into a chokeslam but Morgan instead shifts into an atomic drop.  Carbon Footprint hits but Karen hits Hebner in the knee with the crutch.  Scott Steiner comes in and hits a Downward Spiral to Morgan and that’s good for the pin at 3:06.  Dang it I have to rate it.

Rating: D+. More or less nothing here but the nice little swerve there was pretty good as I thought the Stroke would end it.  Steiner vs. Morgan is nothing I’m fired up about seeing as it seems like a step down for Morgan as he was talking about wanting the world title.  Either way though, not a terrible match but WAY too short with way too much going on in just three minutes.

We recap Foley being revealed as Network Executive and Bischoff going after the X-Division last week.

Bischoff is in the ring and is all smiley.  Apparently Hogan had a great week with the network last week in New York as Bischoff predicted.  Here’s Hogan who is the leader of Impact Wrestling apparently.  Hogan says that the Network has given him authority to run this show.  Oh joy.  He pitched a bunch of ideas to the executives so now they think he’s a genius.  Hogan wants to talk about Bischoff for a minute because he’s proud of what Bischoff did to the X-Division.

Here’s Foley who doesn’t need an invitation apparently because he’s a network executive.  All Hogan did was tick the Network off apparently because after Hogan left, Foley explained that the X Division put it on the map and we’re going to expand it.  He’s going to go around the world finding new X-Division talent for an Ultimate X match.  Oh and Foley has power regarding PPV because they promote the PPVs.  Wouldn’t that give them control over all of the companies that advertise on Spike TV?

Hogan says Foley should do something for the X-Division tonight, like challenge for the X-Division Title.  Bischoff gets WAY too excited about that but before Foley can answer here’s Brian Kendrick and his X buddies.  He talks in his poetic speak and more or less asks for Foley’s title shot tonight.  They’re here to get rid of the reptilians that have acquired power apparently.  This was very tedious to say the least.

Winter is rubbing Angelina’s back and says that everything is about to change and they’re going to fulfill the promise they made to each other in another lifetime.  I shutter to think where this is going to go.

Winter vs. Mickie James

 

Non-Title here.  Tenay acknowledges that the Winter/Angelina thing goes back centuries, which makes me think this is going to get very stupid very fast.  Northern Lights Suplex gets two for Winter as she takes over.  Scratch that as Mickie gets a snapmare and a seated dropkick to set up a rana out of the corner.  Flapjack sets up a nipup and after countering the spin out Rock Bottom Mickie hits the jumping DDT for the pin at 2:18.  No rating due to shortness but this was just a step ahead of a squash.

Angelina destroys Mickie post match due to Winter having some blood on her chin.

Abyss says he’s going to destroy Kendrick tonight.  He’s reading Art of War again and has Janice with him.  Someone with long hair that we can’t see jump him.  Oh it’s Kaz and he takes Janice with him.

X-Division Title: Brian Kendrick vs. Abyss

 

Abyss is all banged up due to the attack by Kaz.  Kendrick dives through the ropes with a kick that kind of hits to get us going.  Abyss charges into the steps and we go into the ring.  Amazingly enough they actually reference Abyss being a former world champion and say he’s the second Grand Slam winner.  I haven’t heard them reference that reign in years.

Abyss takes over and crushes Kendrick in the corner with an avalanche.  The beatdown commences but Kendrick counters a gorilla press slam and fires off some dropkicks.  Missile dropkick puts him down for two.  Brian goes up again but gets knocked off as Abyss hits the ropes.  Black Hole Slam and we’re done at 4:13.

Rating: D+. Not much here at all as Kendrick looks like a jobber all over again.  I guess we’re waiting on some savior of the X-Division to pop up, which might be AJ or Kaz.  Either way, something tells me Abyss is going to be champion and destroy random people for a few weeks to come.  Not horrible, but really nothing here at all.

Abyss rants about the Art of War some more.

Same RVD vs. Angle video from earlier.

Angle says the main event is a big match.

TV Title: Eric Young vs. Gunner

 

Young has the title itself because Gunner stole back the wrong belt last week.  I guess the whole “one is black and one is red” thing is too hard to keep track of.  They reenact the Fingerpoke of Doom but Young rolls him up for the pin and the title at 32 seconds.  Whatever man, whatever.

The Jarretts come out for the main event on commentary.

Rob Van Dam vs. Kurt Angle

 

We also get big match intros to kill even more time.  Jeff talks about how RVD is his handpicked opponent as RVD kicks Angle to the floor.  RVD hammers away but walks into a suplex.  A snap variety gets two for Kurt and we hit a reverse grip to waste some time.  They majority of this match is spent on a split screen so we can see the Jarretts talk while the wrestlers lay around.  RVD gets his top rope kick for two.  Angle gets a slam and both guys go down.

There’s been more laying around in this match than actual wrestling.  Ankle lock goes on and RVD is thinking about tapping.  He kicks out of it but the Five Star misses.  Angle Slam actually gets the fall on the first attempt at 7:36.  Yes, this epic five star first time ever main event didn’t even make it 8 minutes and is the longest match of the night so far.  Give me a break.

Rating: C-. This was built up as being an epic match and it was about 8 minutes of them laying around pretending that this was a huge match.  The camera was on the Jarretts about half the match which isn’t helping anyone at all.  Weak main event and the proper ending to one of the worst shows I can remember in a very long time.

Overall Rating: F+. I absolutely could not stand this show.  The wrestling was bad, nothing really was advanced, and the whole wrestling matters concept was more or less thrown out completely.  This was a terribly dull show as they had forty minutes between the first two matches and twenty between the second and third.  There’s no reason to have them just talk that entire time.  The main event was just ok after all that buildup and that doesn’t make up for two hours of nonsense before it.  Terrible show with more or less nothing happening at all.  The longest match was 7:36.  Let that sink in for a bit.

Results

Christopher Daniels/AJ Styles b. Bully Ray/Tommy Dreamer – Spike Piledriver to Dreamer

Jeff Jarrett b. Matt Morgan – Pin after a Downward Spiral from Scott Steiner

Mickie James b. Winter – Jumping DDT

Abyss b. Brian Kendrick – Black Hole Slam

Eric Young b. Gunner – Small Package

Kurt Angle b. Rob Van Dam – Angle Slam