Monday Night Raw – July 6, 1998 – DX Parodies The Nation

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 6, 1998
Location: Bryce Jordan Center, State College, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Another day another Raw. With three weeks to go before Fully Loaded we have more conspiracy stuff to get to. Austin won the title back last week so there’s also likely to be fallout from that. Also we’ll of course have more DX vs. the Nation stuff as that feud is going to take awhile to get through. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap video of last week’s events.

Here’s Undertaker to open the show. He says he wants a title shot and he wants it right now. We cut to the back where Cole is looking for Austin. JR says Austin is here somewhere. There he is and he doesn’t want to talk. Here’s Austin who gets in the ring. Taker gets ready but Vince cuts them off. He says that he picks the opponents and times when Austin defends the title. However since they both want it, he’ll make it happen, but at Fully Loaded. It won’t be a one on one match though. It’ll be them teaming up against Kane/Mankind. The #1 contender will be named tonight as well. Vince flips Austin off.

Brawl For All First Round: Brakkus vs. Savio Vega

Brakkus is a big German muscle man. Savio gets in some good shots in the first round but it’s tied up because of a takedown. Brakkus is totally gassed after round two. Savio wins via points or decision or however you win these things. Brakkus has a broken nose.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Ken Shamrock

Shamrock easily sends him to the floor to start. Jarrett comes back in with a top rope cross body but Shamrock rolls through it for two. Edge is in the crowd. Out to the floor and Jarrett throws him into the steps. Jeff takes over and hooks a sleeper. Belly to back breaks whatever momentum Shamrock was getting going. Shamrock starts his comeback and hits a powerslam. A belly to back suplex gets two when King Mabel of all people runs in and splashes Shamrock.

Rating: D. Boring match but it was only here for the ending. Mabel would be here for one night only and would face Shamrock later in the night, which is why things were so short. I don’t think anyone wanted to see Mabel and I don’t think most people remembered him, but either way it’s just one night and the King of the Ring angle was something for Shamrock to do for awhile.

Vader vs. Bradshaw

Outlaws vs. Kane/Mankind for the titles next week. What exactly are you expecting here? They’re big, they’re strong, they hit each other a lot. Vader fires off headbutts in the corner and goes up but jumps into a powerslam. And here are Kane and Mankind to beat them both up for the double DQ. The big guys leave the lesser big guys laying.

Disciples of Apocalypse vs. Headbangers

Please be a squash. The Headbangers pour hot candle wax on themselves on the way to the ring. Ellering is with the DOA here and sends them right after the Headbangers. Mosh vs. let’s say 8-Ball to start. Ellering says the wind was blowing towards the DOA so he went with them. The LOD took their talent and became prisoners of their own memories. Thrasher gets two on a cross body. Off to Skull and Mosh and the Headbangers do their…whatever that is that they do. Stage Dive is broken up and the DOA hits something like a spike belly to back suplex to pin Thrasher.

Rating: D. This was basically a squash but at least it wasn’t against the LOD. Those matches were simply awful so of course they would go on for months. Not much here and the Headbangers weren’t going to be anything pretty much ever again. Not horrible, but there’s only so much this could be.

D-Lo Brown vs. Terry Funk

Brown has the chest protector. Terry takes him to the mat easily but D-Lo gets him into the corner and splashes him with the chest protector. Terry tries to chop him but can’t due to the protector. Instead he punches Brown in the face and piledrives him. A Downward Spiral takes Brown down and they go to the floor. Terry tries an Asai Moonsault but partially hits the railing. Back in and Terry thinks enough to put Brown on his stomach for the moonsault so that it hurts. Brown goes to the apron and Godfather hits Funk with some jewelery. The Low Down ends it.

Rating: D+. I love Terry Funk more and more every time I see him. He does crazy stuff but he has some of the most entertaining matches on Raw every week. Good stuff here and the beginning of one of Brown’s long running gimmicks. That nagging injury angle could work today if someone would think to use it.

Undertaker comes out and chokeslams everyone, including Terry, basically becoming a tweener.

Here’s Vince to announce the #1 contender. We’ll get to the announcement in a bit but first let’s bring some people out. First up, Mankind. Now Kane. Finally it’s Undertaker. Vince talks about everyone and why they could be #1 contender. Mankind took a horrible beating at King of the Ring, Kane was a great champion but was also a very stupid person, and Taker Vince isn’t sure on.

Is it because he’s done evil things to the other candidates? Is it because he thinks he’s as good as Austin? Or is it something else? Either way, we’ll find out who the #1 contender is tonight in a triple threat match.

Brawl For All First Round: Hawk vs. Darren Drozdov

Hawk looks very stupid in wrestling gear and boxing gloves. They lumber around for the first round and this needs to end already. I mean the whole competition mind you. Hawk gets knocked backwards in the second. Nothing happens in the third round and it’s a draw. Droz would advance because Hawk was hurt.

Here are Mero and Jackie. The fans chant for Sable and Jackie says she’s here to talk. She blames herself for Mero losing the fight because she wore him out. Apparently Sable couldn’t satisfy him. Here’s Sable who says Marc couldn’t do anything. Sable implies Jackie is a rather loose woman, so Jackie wants a bikini contest. Ok then.

Val Venis vs. Dustin Runnels

Val’s pre match thing is about Joe Paterno. Dustin prays a bit. Val takes over quickly and hits a running knee in the corner. He goes up for punches but gyrates in Dustin’s face, resulting in an atomic drop. Val takes over again and hooks a full nelson with his legs on Dustin. Dustin comes back with a Russian legsweep but here’s Kai En Tai for the DQ.

Yamaguchi gets on the mike and threatens Val. His wife can’t stop looking at Venis.

And now for the famous part of the show: the DX parody of the Nation. We have HHH as the Crock, Road Dogg as B-Lo, X-Pac as Mizark, Billy as Godfather and a guy named Jason Sensation as Owen. Billy says random things and hands the mic to HHH. He has an eyebrow painted on his forehead and talks about what he was cooking in the bathroom. Roadie repeats everything and then shakes his head. Crock sets for a People’s Elbow on B-Lo but stops mid-leg turn to talk about how when he hits Rock Bottom with the ladies, he has to lay the Smackdown on himself.

B-Lo of course runs to the corner and shakes his head after repeating everything Crock said. Jason Sensation (in a PERFECT Owen voice) says that he looks like a road sign. He wanted to be tough, but he couldn’t grow his beard in. He’s a black Hart, a winner and a soul survivor WOO! And if anyone smells what the Rock is cooking, it’s him. Look how big his nose is. What is he, an aardvark. WOO!

Mizark wants to know what Rock is cooking, because hey hey hey, it smells like crap. B-Lo is finally told to shut up. Now shut your mouths and know your roles, because Nation, we got two words for you: WATCH THIS. This is still absolutely hilarious and had me cracking up. It’s on a WWE DVD somewhere I’m sure.

Mabel vs. Ken Shamrock

Mabel goes after the ribs and hits a backbreaker. Shamrock hammers on him but a corner splash misses. A middle rope elbow can’t drop the monster and neither can a leg lariat. World’s Strongest Slam puts Ken down but a middle rope clothesline misses and the ankle lock ends this quick. Not long enough to rate but this was no surprise at all.

Shamrock won’t let go of the hold and snaps again.

Here are Vince and Bearer to watch the triple threat. Austin joins them. It’s Austin and Vince on commentary.

Undertaker vs. Mankind vs. Kane

Winner is #1 contender. And there’s no Undertaker. The arena has Kane’s red lights in it. Vince gets off commentary and says it’s now one on one and no holds barred. We’ll throw in falls count anywhere in the building too. Mankind sits on the floor in front of the steps. He says he’s given enough and he’s not giving for Vince anymore. Mankind isn’t going to fight his friend Kane. Vince says ring the bell and we have like 2 minutes left. Kane stands in the ring as Vince yells to get going. Kane goes to the floor, cracks Mankind in the head with the chair and becomes #1 contender.

Kane rips off the mask to reveal the Undertaker, who is now #1 contender, end of show. This was done perfectly. Kane had been wearing the two sleeved outfit for a few weeks so it wasn’t out of the ordinary to see him in that. The red light keeps you from being able to see details of Taker, and therefore it probably fooled a lot of people. Very well done and I was shocked when I was ten.

Overall Rating: C. This show is very indicative of what the Attitude Era’s problem is: it doesn’t age well at all. The problem is that when you have a show that is totally built around drama and who knows what and who is really with who, it’s very entertaining to watch week to week. Watching it later, you realize that it’s not the best TV. The difference between this and Nitro is on Nitro, there was a ton of drama, but it resulted in stuff in the ring week to week. Now Raw did that too, but it resulted in great stuff in the ring on the PPVs, which means the TV can be kind of boring to sit through.

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