Impact Wrestling – March 8, 2012: Garrett’s Main Event

Impact Wrestling
Date: March 8, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

If I remember right there’s this show and then another before Victory Road. The majority of the card is already set and we should be getting more of Sting vs. Roode’s build up tonight. I barely remember Impact from last week and that’s probably not a good thing. As for the rest of the PPV the card is also set and I’m looking forward to Storm vs. Ray, which I didn’t expect to happen. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Garrett/Eric situation.

Garrett arrives earlier today and isn’t worried about what Flair said earlier today.

Immortal (yes they’re really calling them that still) opens us up. It’s Flair, Eric and Gunner if you’re keeping track. There’s going to be a tag match later, presumably Garrett and a partner vs. Flair/Gunner. Eric thanks Flair for threatening Garrett. Garrett is watching in the back. Oh Gunner has to pick a partner too. Here’s Angle who apparently wants to be Gunner’s partner. Eric is very enthusiastic about Angle wanting to be the partner. Angle says he hates Garrett because Garrett disrespects his dad. Hogan is out of the country apparently.

Sting is putting the makeup on in the back and talks to Roode. Eric Young comes in and Sting looks embarrassed. Eric wants to impress ODB so Sting calls him Bobby and gives ODB a shot at the Knockout Tag Titles. Her partner for the women’s tag titles: Eric.

Knockout Tag Titles: Eric Young/ODB vs. Gail Kim/Madison Rayne

Eric starts with Gail but ODB tags herself in. Gail runs and is promptly clotheslined. Off to Madison who looks great in red. The champs work over ODB with some double teaming. Madison takes a clothesline to the ribs which was supposed to be a spear I think. Either way it allows the double tag and Eric locks up with the referee. Eric puts both girls in an airplane spin and ODB clotheslines them both down. There go Eric’s pants and Madison hits Eric with a title, knocking him onto Gail for the pin and the titles at 5:48.

Rating: D. I hate this angle. I’ve made that quite clear over the past few months and I don’t think it really requires a lot of explanation. Eric Young and ODB are supposed to be funny but they aren’t. It’s the most forced comedy I’ve seen in a very long time. It’s like taking the ingredients of a cake and putting them on a table and calling it a cake. It doesn’t quite work.

Eric proposes post match but we cut away before the answer.

Post break he actually asks (he was just on a knee with a ring before) and ODB says nothing. Instead she takes the ring and drops to her knee. Eric says yes.

Mr. Parks, presumably Abyss’ dad (James Mitchell anyone?) arrived earlier. He looks like Penn Jillette.

Ray says Storm isn’t making it to Lockdown.

Aries gets an e-mail from Sting saying Ion gets his title match tonight. “So why should they buy the PPV then?” The second biggest wrestling company in America ladies and gentlemen.

X-Division Title: Austin Aries vs. Zema Ion

Aries takes over to start and puts Ion on the mat, resulting in a lap around the ring. He Stuns Ion on the ropes then adds a hilo and elbow for two. Ion hits a spinning dive out of the corner and takes it to the floor. Ion sets for a dive to the floor but gets caught by a running Aries. He chops Ion to the floor but misses a dive. Back in Ion rakes the eyes and goes for his hairspray. The brainbuster is countered and we almost lose a referee. Ion misses the hairspray and Aries gets the can, spraying it in Ion’s eyes for the DQ at 3:52.

Rating: C. Just ok here but I guess it allows them to have a rematch at the PPV. I mean, we didn’t need to see the match for the first time on PPV or anything so we can just show part of it here right? Anyway, not much of a match due to the time. Also with this win, Aries officially has the longest title reign in the history of the X Title.

Mr. Parks talks to Velvet and apparently he’s Abyss’ brother. The family is looking for Abyss and Velvet thinks it was kind of creepy.

Here’s Ray to say that he’s the guy who knocked Storm’s brains out last week. He demands that Sting come out here and make him the #1 contender. Here’s Sting who asks what Ray wants. Ray keeps saying Bobby Roode so Sting says…..ok and it’s after the break. Ray is stunned but happy.

After a break, Sting says that this isn’t a title match but I don’t think Ray knows that.

Bully Ray vs. Bobby Roode

Ray yells a lot and they lock up. Roode grabs a headlock but a shoulder runs him over. The champ slaps Ray and looks all terrified. He fires off some kicks and elbows but walks into a backdrop and side slam for two. Ray wins a quick slugout but Roode hits something close to his Blockbuster for two. Bully makes a face comeback and hits a Rock Bottom for two. Big boot misses and Roode spears him down for two. Roode goes for the chain but Ray knocks Roode down in the corner. And here’s Storm to chase Ray off. He superkicks Roode and it’s thrown out at roughly 6:30.

Rating: C. Ray’s face comeback in there was kind of weird. He’s one of those heels that is working very well but the Impact Zone is screwing it up by cheering him as they do with everyone else. The match wasn’t much but with about six minutes and no real finish, what else could they really do?

Garrett is confident about his partner.

Abyss’ brother talks to Morgan/Crimson but can’t get any answers. They have the Robs tonight.

Crimson/Matt Morgan vs. Robbie T/Robbie T

They’re in matching pink cardigans. This is for the #1 contendership. Crimson and Big Rob start and Crimson takes over. The referee gets distracted though and the clipboard goes upside Crimson’s head to put him in peril. Big Rob poses too long, allowing Crimson to avoid a shot and bring in Morgan. House is cleaned, Carbon Footprint hits but Crimson tags himself in to steal the pin at 4:00.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here at all but it furthered the big guys having issues which is the issue going into the title match. I’m sure it’ll lead to Morgan vs. Crimson again eventually which isn’t something that I’m going to get behind but it’s logical at least. Nothing here though and it was a formality.

AJ has a surprise for Kaz and Daniels.

Angle and Gunner aren’t worried about Garrett and he’s going to the hospital.

Here’s AJ to a big reaction. He talks about the tenth anniversary coming up and how they’re here because of the people. Daniels cuts him off and says he came back to stand by AJ’s side. However that got him nowhere so he decided to make it about himself. Kaz says that AJ is talking about all of the people that have turned on him so Kaz says that maybe it’s AJ that is the problem. That can’t be though, because he’s the Phenomenal AJ Styles so it COULDN’T be him right? AJ says Kaz is the reason he won’t associate himself with friends anymore. Now he’ll associate with a real….what’s the word he’s thinking of here?

Cue Anderson (now with his catchphrase instead of his name being shouted) to clear the ring. He’s back.

Garrett’s partner is ready.

From what I’ve seen, apparently Joe Parks is Abyss sans mask. I knew he looked familiar.

Gunner/Kurt Angle vs. Garrett Bischoff/???

It’s Jeff Hardy, shocking no one. Garrett is in the main event for the first time. For those of you paying attention, he’s now associated with Hogan, Flair, Sting, Angle and Hardy. Behold the power of nepotism people. Angle and Gunner jump them to start and it’s Hardy vs. Angle to get us going. Hardy takes a beating but manages to get a clothesline to take Angle down for about 20 seconds.

Off to Gunner as Garrett can’t get in yet. Back with Hardy taking a beating from Angle. Gunner comes in for a back elbow for two and it’s off to Angle again. Anderson vs. Daniels next week. Out to the floor and Gunner rams Jeff into the steel. Back in Jeff dives for the corner but gets caught in an ankle lock. He makes the rope and Gunner comes back in with a suplex for two.

Gunner hooks a sleeper as we’re running low on time. Jeff gets up and hits a Whisper in the Wind to put Gunner down but Angle distracts Garrett. It prevents a tag (kind of, as the referee wouldn’t have been there anyway) and Angle pulls Jeff back into the corner. And never mind as Jeff makes the tag a second later anyway. Gunner cleans house and hits a falling Diamond Cutter (Angle lands the same but he would be on Garrett’s back. Garrett fell forward if that makes more sense) on Kurt for two. Everything breaks down and the Swanton pins Kurt clean at 14:31.

Rating: C. Main event tag formula was at work here, but dang man did we really need to have Garrett in this spot on the card? He didn’t really do much at least which is probably a good thing. Jeff vs. Angle was a second story here but it didn’t get the focus that Garrett did. Anyway at least it wasn’t horrible.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a step down for them. We had a show with the world champion in action, two title matches (one with a title change) and a return of a former world champion, but Garrett Bischoff was in the main event. Other than that, the show was just kind of there. Stuff happened (without being advertised in advance of course) but nothing really that huge. Anderson is back and is thrown into AJ vs. Daniels so it doesn’t really mean much. Not a horrible show but it didn’t click like they were shooting for.

Results
Eric Young/ODB b. Gail Kim/Madison Rayne – Eric fell on Gail after being hit with a title belt
Zema Ion b. Austin Aries via DQ when Aries sprayed hairspray in Ion’s eyes
Bully Ray vs. Bobby Roode went to a no contest
Matt Morgan/Crimson b. Robbie E/Robbie T – Carbon Footprint to Robbie E

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