Monday Night Raw – August 13, 2012: Bad Things Happen In WWE Parking Lots

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 13, 2012
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the final Raw before Summerslam and the card is mostly set. The word on the street is that there’s something big planned for tonight but there’s no word on what that is. The other interesting thing is that Del Rio vs. Sheamus has been canceled (in a TOUT of course) by Booker due to Del Rio’s attack on Sheamus last week. It may be interesting to see where that goes. Yes, the Smackdown title may be interesting. Let’s get to it.

CM Punk vs. Big Show

Yes we’re opening the show with a match. Hopefully this keeps things lively tonight. Punk charges at him and is knocked down almost immediately. Punk comes back with some forearms but he’s going to have to use speed rather than brawn here. Show chops him in the corner and stands on Punk’s head. As that’s going on, there’s something I’d like to talk about for a bit. On commentary, Cole is talking about the length of Punk’s reign, the size of Big Show, what the wrestlers have been up to lately, what titles Big Show has won and all that jazz. What is he not really talking about? What we’re seeing in the ring.

It’s like that’s secondary to every other thing they can think of to talk about. Instead of the wrestling being the focus, it’s as if they’re trying to give us every other reason to care about things. It’s like talking about all the features of a cell phone and all the internet and data capabilities it has but not mentioning that you can make calls on it. That’s kind of the most important thing.

Speaking of the match, Show works on the arm but misses a charge in the corner. Punk hits the running knee but, say it with me, the bulldog is countered. Show spears Punk down….and here’s Daniel Bryan. He yells about how he should be in the title match as Show hits a side slam for two. He loads up the Vader Bomb but Punk takes out the leg. The springboard clothesline gets two and Bryan runs in for the DQ at 6:00.

Rating: C+. I like it when these two go at it. Punk knows how to have a match with big men and it worked here. There’s something about the way Show sells that running knee in the corner that makes it look awesome. Good stuff here even though it didn’t have a lot of time. When you can drag a good match out of Show, that’s saying a lot.

Bryan puts Punk in the NO Lock but Show breaks it up for no apparent reason. Cena comes out to save Punk and clears the ring. AJ comes out and makes the obvious tag for later in the show.

We’re on a break now and I’d like to address the glaring problem with Raw right now: what is new here? It’s the same stuff but with different faces (and that’s a stretch) in the old roles. AJ is standard GM #85 (the Skipping Model), we have three guys fighting over a title with more or less no personal issues, and those three plus a fourth guy are in a tag match to end the show before the PPV. How many times have you seen that EXACT same scenario?

Back and JTG is ranting to Kaitlyn about not having a match when AJ skips by. She puts him in a match with someone. Gee, I wonder who that’ll be. We’ll be RI ght BACK to the arena in a bit to find out. Kaitlyn and AJ have a weird moment that I don’t think anyone cares about.

JTG vs. Ryback

I was right before I even had time to think about it. Ryback has new music with the FEED ME MORE lines in the song now. The fans are getting into this FEED ME MORE chant. You know what might be interesting? Given the reactions Ryback has been getting, hot shot him to the world title. Seriously, what do you have to lose? Ryback is a monster, he’s getting bigger and bigger reactions every week, and he’s been around the main event before. I’m not saying it’ll be successful, but it would be an interesting way of shaking things up. It worked pretty well for Sheamus a few years ago. Anyway JTG gets Shell Shocked and pinned at 1:54.

You can vote for who you want to see in Piper’s Pit tonight: Jericho, Ziggler or Miz.

Santino defends against Cesaro on Sunday.

Piper is in the back sounding drunk and asking who will be in the Pit. He asks someone off screen who he thinks will be in the Pit and Shawn Michaels is next to him. Shawn is worried about Lesnar tonight and he gets a call from presumably HHH who is going to be getting here late tonight.

Heath Slater vs. R-Truth

Now there’s an odd pairing. Truth/Kofi vs. the Prime Time Players on Sunday. Truth starts with his usual stuff but gets caught in a neckbreaker for two. Slater puts on a chinlock but Truth shrugs him off and hits Little Jimmy for the pin at 1:44.

The Players run out for the 2-1 beatdown because Kofi is in China still.

Mark Henry was in London for the Olympics.

Pauly D from Jersey Shore is the social media ambassador tonight.

We recap the Del Rio vs. Sheamus feud and we see the incident from Friday where Sheamus was attacked by fake cops, which is why the title match was cancelled.

Sin Cara vs. Tensai

Tensai tries a powerbomb but Cara rolls into a sunset flip position which doesn’t work either. Tensai takes his head off but his Vader Bomb misses. Cara hits a Swanton to the back of Tensai and an enziguri to both him and Sakamoto. A tornado DDT out of the corner gets the pin on Tensai at 1:06. Tensai HAS TO be done after that.

Tensai hits a Baldo Bomb and backsplash on Sakamoto post match.

Shawn asks someone to let him know if they see Brock.

Time for Piper’s Pit and Lawler has to be there with him to keep this logical. To the shock of no one paying attention, Jericho wins the vote by a landslide. Piper tells the fans to quit cheering Jericho for some reason. They talk about Wrestlemania 25 and the three on one handicap match they were on opposite sides in but Piper doesn’t remember any of it. Piper talks about the fans starting to cheer for Jericho and says on Sunday it’s about some fan in the front row in a red shirt.

I can’t believe I’m saying this but THANKFULLY Vickie comes in to break this up. She brigns out Ziggler who rips into Roddy and his tired old routine. Ziggler says Jericho is headed for the same place Piper is in, but Jericho counters by making a hair joke and telling Vickie to shut up. Jericho says he’ll win the big one Sunday….and here’s Miz. He has a tiny mustache now and says he’s taking over this show. Dolph can be the guest but Piper and Jericho need to leave now. Piper FREAKS and a brawl breaks out.

Chris Jericho vs. The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler

This was made during the break apparently. The heels go after Jericho to start but he fights them both off with ease. Ziggler gets sent to the floor so Jericho chops away at Miz. Dolph trips Jericho up and comes back in for some stomping. Jericho gets double teamed a bit and things slow down. A double suplex puts the Canadian down and Ziggler drops the big jumping elbow.

A second elbow gets two but Miz breaks it up. It’s time for the heels to fight as per custom in matches like these which allows Jericho to get up and clean house. Both heels are sent to the floor and Jericho dives out on top of them. He stands on the announce table and I’m so glad Jericho is a good guy again. I’ve always liked him better that way. Ziggler is sent back into the ring but he knocks Jericho into the announce table as we take a break.

Back with Miz kneeing Jericho down as Jericho tries a comeback. Miz vs. Mysterio on Sunday for the IC Title. Miz stays on the back of Jericho as Ziggler is nowhere in sight. Off to a chinlock for a bit but Miz’s corner clothesline misses. Ziggler finally gets on the apron but Jericho dropkicks him down. Jericho hits the bulldog on Miz but the Lionsault only gets two as Ziggler comes back in.

Miz gets crotched on the top as Ziggler is sent to the floor by the Canadian. A superplex by Jericho is evolved into the Tower of Doom with Miz taking the worst of it. Dolph covers Jericho for two. The Fameasser gets the same and the fans are getting into these kickouts. Ziggler loads up something on Jericho but Miz runs in and hits the Finale on Ziggler….for two.

Jericho counters a reverse DDT on Miz but the Walls are broken up as well. A big boot takes Jericho down but Ziggler breaks up a cover. Dolph walks into a Codebreaker that gets two as Vickie puts Ziggler’s foot on the ropes. Jericho escapes a Final and puts Miz in the Walls. Miz taps but Vickie has the referee. Ziggler comes in and hits the Zig Zag on Jericho for the pin at 14:15.

Rating: B-. I was really digging this at the end. After the commercial this got WAY better after a slow start. I was thinking Miz would win here and he probably should have to keep him looking strong going into a title defense on Sunday, but at least he didn’t lose. This was a very fast paced match and I had no idea who was going to win by the end. Good stuff.

Eve hits on Punk but Punk says he’s the same guy he’s always been. Eve says no one believes he’s changed, especially Cena. Punk says he’ll go tell Cena himself. Eve has an evil smile as he leaves.

We get a LONG recap of the stuff that opened the show and led to the tag main event.

Shawn is panicking about Brock showing up when Cena taps him on the shoulder. Shawn says he’s fine and walks away. Punk walks up to Cena and says that being champion means everything, but he’s not a phony and isn’t going to say he likes a match that he doesn’t. Punk swears he won’t stab anyone in the back and he’ll make sure that tonight is all about him.

Wade Barrett is coming back.

Kaitlyn/Layla vs. Eve Torres/Beth Phoenix

Layla, who is still Divas Champion despite not being on TV in months, starts with Beth and they almost immediately botch a rollup. Layla gets rammed into the corner and it’s off to Eve who is put in a sloppy side roll for two. The champ “hits” a bouncing cross body, giving us some great visuals from behind her. Eve drops down and it’s time for the champion to dance. Off to Kaitlyn who gets a suplex for two but Eve starts pounding on her to take over. Back to Beth who cleans house and knocks Layla off the apron so she can choke Kaitlyn in the corner. An over the shoulder body vice is escaped and an O’Connor Roll pins Beth at 4:17.

Rating: D. This was a longer version of a bad Divas match. I have no idea why the title exists anymore but I’d assume there will be a match thrown in on Summerslam with Beth challenging because that’s all that ever happens anymore. Nothing to see here although I wouldn’t complain about looking at Layla in those pink shorts again. To be fair, at least we now know that single named Divas are better than full named ones.

Video on Lesnar vs. HHH.

Big Show/Daniel Bryan vs. CM Punk/John Cena

It’s not even 10pm yet and it’s main event time? A BIG YES chant starts things off, as does Bryan vs. Cena. Punk makes a blind tag after Cena knocks Bryan down and Cena isn’t pleased with it. Show wants in but Bryan wants the champ instead. Bryan gets taken to the mat and it’s back to Cena. Show wants in again but gets a few NO’S. Cena gets some impressive height on a leapfrog and dropkicks Bryan down.

Punk tries to tag himself in but Cena avoids it in a somewhat funny bit. Off to Show who pounds Cena down and does it again with a shoulder as we take a break. Back with Show hitting a charge in the corner to Cena. Cena charges into a bearhug but Bryan tags himself in while cena is in the hold. The fans go NUTS for Bryan again. Bryan misses a running dropkick in the corner and it’s off to Punk who hits his usual, culminating with a neckbreaker for two.

Back to Show who works on the ribs a bit, followed by the big chop against the ropes. The champ gets put in a bearhug but some elbows to the head break the hold. The comeback ends almost immediately due to a backdrop from Show, who then walks over the back of Punk. Punk tries to fight out of the corner but Bryan won’t let him use the WMD. The reactions for Bryan are mind blowing.

Show is walking away as Bryan hits the NO Kicks. Punk kicks Bryan down and looks at Cena but he doesn’t tag. Instead Punk uses Cena’s finishing sequence on Bryan but Cena tags himself in before the Shuffle. Cena hits the corner clothesline and bulldog, but Punk walks away with the title. Bryan tries to steal a pin but walks into the AA for the pin at 13:45.

Rating: B-. This was another fun match and there was some interesting psychology going on out there. When you have no idea who is going to do what in a match, that’s always a good sign. Punk doing the Cena imitation at the end was great stuff and it would lead to a great match between the two of them on Sunday. Unfortunately Show is in it also, which brings it down a peg. Still though, good tag match here.

Post match Punk saves Cena from an attack by Show, but Cena won’t shake Punk’s hand.

In the back, Punk says Cena went into business for himself and wouldn’t shake the champ’s hand. On Sunday, Punk will teach Cena some respect.

Brock and Heyman are here.

Christian vs. Damien Sandow

Sandow goes after him to start but Christian takes over with a shot in the corner. A right hand to the head sets up the jumping back elbow off the middle rope for no cover. Sandow bails before the Killswitch can be set up and they heads to the floor, where Christian is rammed about seven times into the steps. Cue Brodus who is in a cast from the attack last week. The distraction lets Christian roll Sandow up for two. Sandow hits his neckbreaker for the clean win at 2:11.

Shawn is still looking around every corner before he finally runs into Brock. Shawn walks away and nothing is said. Brock looks….pleased?

Here are Heyman and Lesnar. HHH still isn’t here due to flight delays and Lesnar buys that, because HHH wants the match very badly. Heyman is doing all the talking here of course. This was supposed to be the contract signing in case you were confused. Heyman says this is a very personal fight for HHH and therefore, there’s a letter of indemnification, which means if Lesnar hurts HHH, HHH has no legal recourse. You’ll get an uncomfortable beating on Sunday rather than a wrestling match.

Now on to Shawn, who Lesnar confirms is in the arena. Heyman calls Shawn out as a surrogate for the Game but apparently Shawn is afraid. Heyman says that everyone in Texas is a coward and that brings Shawn out. Paul says he’ll accept Shawn’s signature in place of HHH’s but Shawn won’t sign. HHH finally arrives, taking his suit off as he comes to the ring. After a staredown, HHH signs. Neither member of DX has said anything yet. Lesnar signs and leaves.

We get some TOUTS because what would Raw be without them?

HBK isn’t sure if HHH can win, but he’ll be in the Game’s corner.

Show says what happened means nothing for the match on Sunday. We cut over to two cars colliding and see Shawn and Heyman arguing from their respective drivers’ seats. Lesnar runs up and the camera cuts out, but we can hear Shawn getting destroyed.

Back and we recap exactly what we just saw. The car window is destroyed and Shawn is missing. HHH comes up and rants to AJ.

Lesnar carries Shawn into the arena on his shoulders and throws him in the ring. Shawn gets an F5 and Brock puts him in the armbar that he broke HHH’s arm with. HHH charges out and Heyman says stop or Lesnar will break the arm. Lesnar breaks the arm anyway and bails. HHH chases him off before tending to his life partner to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was easily the best of the three hour Raw’s so far and that’s primarily the case for one reason: they spread things out tonight instead of trying to have the same 8 or so people fill in three hours. There was a lot of variety tonight and that made the show MUCH better as a result. It wasn’t a masterpiece or anything like that, but it covered everything on Summerslam and has me wanting to watch the show for the first time in weeks. Good stuff although the first hour was shaky.

Results

CM Punk b. Big Show via DQ when Daniel Bryan interfered

Ryback b. JTG – Shell Shock

R-Truth b. Heath Slater – Little Jimmy

Sin Cara b. Tensai – Tornado DDT

Dolph Ziggler b. The Miz and Chris Jericho – Zig Zag to Jericho

Layla/Kaitlyn b. Beth Phoenix/Eve Torres – Rollup to Phoenix

Damien Sandow b. Christian – Neckbreaker

 

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