Final Resolution 2012: A House Show Disguised As A PPV

Final Resolution 2012
Date: December 9, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz, Todd Keneley

This is one of those shows that is happening because it’s a Sunday in a month and therefore we need to have a PPV. The card was nearly half put together on Thursday, so how much effort do you think the company is actually putting into this show? The main event is Hardy defending against Roode, who likely has about as much of a chance as I do. The card should be decent though. Let’s get to it.

Usual highlight package opens the show.

Here’s James Storm who isn’t scheduled on the show, because he means nothing in this company anymore. He talks about not being scheduled here tonight but he’s here to make sure Roode doesn’t try to steal the title like he tried to do on Thursday. Storm calls out Roode….and gets Kaz instead. Kaz says that he’s been here for years and is tired of hearing a drunk like Storm whine. This goes on for awhile, gay jokes are made, and there’s the challenge for the obvious match. You wouldn’t think we were ten minutes into the show yet would you?

Kazarian vs. James Storm

We get a referee and it’s time to go. Storm pounds away on him to start as he is known to do. Kaz comes back with a shot to the head and a head vice of all things. Storm gets thrown to the floor as Kaz pounds away even more. Back in and Kaz hits his spinning springboard legdrop for two followed by a cravate.

Storm fights back and hits a forearm for two before walking into a slingshot DDT for two. Kaz comes out of the corner and gets caught in an Alabama Slam followed by a Codebreaker. The Last Call is loaded up but Kaz hides behind the referee. Fade to Black (Kaz’s piledriver) is escaped and the Last Call ends this at 6:08.

Rating: D+. The match was short and nothing more than an Impact match. Storm has fallen through the floor in the last eight months, which says a lot when you consider how big a match he had at BFG. Also for those of you counting, half of this card has now been made in the last 72 hours. Again, they clearly don’t care about this show at all.

We recap Hardy’s attack on Impact and see Roode and Hardy arriving earlier.

X-Division Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Kenny King

Van Dam is defending after King won a title shot on Impact in a three way. The champ puts on a headlock to start and they flip around a bit. The announcers talk about Van Dam’s title history and both guys kick each other. King kicks him to the floor but Van Dam comes back in and kicks King’s legs out a few times. Van Dam goes up top and gets shoved into the barricade, injuring his ribs. That’s a common theme in Van Dam matches over the years. Back in and King hooks an abdominal stretch which Van Dam breaks via yet another kick.

They kick it out even more and my goodness I don’t care about this match or this show. Rob gets crotched on the top rope and a backbreaker puts Van Dam down. Two knees to King’s face take him down, as does a clothesline. The Monkey Flip sets up Rolling Thunder which sets up the top rope kick which sets up the Five Star….which misses. King’s Royal Flush is countered into a rollup for the pin to retain at 9:20.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t terrible but man alive these matches being added together out of nowhere are REALLY hard to care about. The X-Division means nothing at all anymore as Van Dam’s matches are just thrown onto the card to fill in spots anymore. King appears to have screwed up his career by jumping, because he means nothing in TNA either.

We’re thirty minutes into the show so far and I don’t remember being less interested in a PPV in years.

Daniels talks about his history with AJ, which goes on for a few minutes because these two are welded at the hip.

Tag Titles: Chavo Guerrer/Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan/Joey Ryan

Chavo and Hernandez are defending. This is another of those title matches that means absolutely nothing. Morgan has Hogan’s cape still, but I’m not even sure they’re actually feuding anymore. They haven’t talked in weeks. Anyway Chavo and Ryan start things off and it’s what you would expect: Chavo wrestles, Ryan runs a lot, Chavo takes over. Hernandez comes in with a bearhug on Ryan before throwing him over in a belly to belly.

Back to Chavo to face Morgan and the champion is thrown around. Off to Hernandez for the big power showdown. Matt shoves him around a lot and the discus lariat puts Hernandez down. Back to Ryan who is immediately caught in a delayed vertical suplex for two. Hernandez beats up Joey for a bit until it’s back to Chavo, who is dropped on the buckle by the illegal Morgan. Morgan is now legal and drops Chavo with a backbreaker followed by a neck crank from Ryan.

Chavo plays Ricky Morton for awhile until sending Ryan face first into the buckle. Hot tag brings in Hernandez who is suplexed down by Morgan for two. A backbreaker puts Ryan down and a missile dropkick/clothesline combination puts Morgan on the floor. Ryan gets speared down and the Frog Splash hits…..but Morgan pulls the referee out for the DQ at 10:27. Freaking LAME!

Rating: D. The ending drops this down from getting the benefit of the doubt. I mean good grief why is Matt Morgan being used in something like this? Ryan has been WORTHLESS since he showed up and the tag champions are almost at WWE levels of importance with their belts. That says quite a bit and this show is terrible so far.

Austin Aries says he’s going to stir things up around here even more and he imitates Hogan to further a feud…I guess.

We recap Aries vs. Ray which is all about Hogan, of course. Ray seems to be involved with Brooke Hogan and Hulk isn’t happy. Aries pushed buttons and we get a match as a result.

Bully Ray vs. Austin Aries

Aries hides a lot to start and then slaps Ray in the face. He earns a gutwrench suplex for his efforts, followed by a big backdrop. Ray grabs him by the throat but gets caught in the face by an elbow. Austin pounds away even more, hitting a forearm to the head and a slingshot hilo to the back of Ray. Aries does more of the Hogan imitation, complete with the big boot and legdrop for two.

Ray comes back with hard chops to the chest and a splash for two. Aries charges into some Snake Eyes in the corner, but he manages to break up the backsplash. Ray punches him down AND HITS A MIDDLE ROPE DROPKICK to kill Aries dead. Naturally there’s no cover and Ray charges into a low bridge to send him out to the floor. The suicide dive is countered by a big boot to the face for two for Ray. Aries comes back with a crucifix into a mat slam followed by the running dropkick in the corner.

Aries loads up the Brainbuster but Ray throws him into the air for a one man 3D. However since this is TNA, it only gets two. Ray goes for a table and gets kicked in the face for his efforts, busting him open a bit. Aries pounds away at the cut….and here’s Brooke Hogan of course. She checks on the cut and is dragged into the ring, but the distraction of Aries lets Ray throw him to the floor. Now here’s Hulk to glare some, but Ray tells him to get Brooke out of here. The Hogans leave and Aries hits Ray low and gets the pin off a rollup at 12:56.

Rating: B-. The match was good, but since it’s involved with the Hogans we need it to be overbooked right? Does anyone have any idea why Aries is even going after Hulk in the first place? He’s already said it was to get his world title back, so is he just trying to be a troll at this point? Anyway the match was solid stuff as Ray continues to be awesome and continues to lose as a reward.

We recap the Knockouts Title match by talking about Velvet Sky. You know, the chick that isn’t in the title match. Mickie won some battle royal to get the shot at Tara here.

Tara and Jesse don’t have much to say.

Knockouts Title: Mickie James vs. Tara

They fight over wrist/arm control to start as the announcers talk about Tara being in her city’s athletics hall of fame. This turns into a discussion of USC football as Tara wants to kiss Jesse a bit. Mickie gets a rollup and northern lights for a pair of two counts and there’s the rana to put Tara down again. Tara gets sent into Jesse but the distraction lets Tara get in a kick to the face to take over.

Back in and Tara hooks Mickie in an over the shoulder hair pull. Why she doesn’t just hit the Widow’s Peak from there is anyone’s guess. Mickie gets a rollup for two but Jesse has the referee’s attention. The spinning sidewalk slam gets two for Tara and it’s off to a body vice for the champ. Mickie makes her comeback with a lot of kicks (a running theme tonight) and gets two off an enziguri. Tara is thrown onto Jesse again, so Mickie hits a Thesz Press off the top to the floor to take Tara out again. Jesse gets kicked in the face, but the distraction lets Tara hit the Widow’s Peak to retain at 7:51.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but again, we need new blood in the division. Not blood that hasn’t been around for awhile, but new blood in general. Jesse was the focus of this match which isn’t a good thing, but Mickie vs. Tara is such a played pairing that you can only care about it so much after this many matches.

Roode says he’ll do whatever it takes to get the title back and that money talks. Usually solid stuff here.

We recap Aces and 8’s being all evil and breaking bones with the hammer. This is another thrown together match from Impact.

Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe/Garrett Bischoff/Wes Brisco vs. Aces and 8’s

It’s D-Von/Doc/two masked dudes. One masked guy is big and the other is small so we’ll call the big one Porkchop and the small one Roger for simplicity’s sake. Joe wants D-Von immediately but the bikers run away. Instead it’s D-Von vs. Kurt to start and guess who controls that one. D-Von gets beaten up but runs away when Joe comes in. Instead it’s Joe pounding on Doc in the corner and hitting the enziguri for no cover.

Garrett comes in and is immediately pounded down like he should be. Off to Porkchop who gets to sell Garrett’s horrible offense. Wes comes in and the small guys hit Poetry in Motion on Porkchop. Off to Roger who gets his arm worked over by various TNA guys. The bikers triple team Joe, pulling him to the floor and sending him into the barricade ribs first. Now D-Von will actually get in the match for some basic punches before it’s back to Doc for a suplex.

We hit the chinlock for awhile until it’s back to D-Von for more punches. Here’s Porkchop again to stay on Joe in the corner. Joe Rock Bottoms both masked guys out of the corner and there’s the hot tag to Angle. Kurt cleans house and hits the release belly to belly on Roger as everything breaks down. Everything breaks down and Doc chokeslams Angle. Various people hit various big moves on each other, including Joe hitting the suicide elbow on D-Von. There’s the ankle lock to Roger but Doc gets the hammer. Garrett takes it from him and Wes spears Porkchop to the floor. Angle Slam pins Roger at 11:12.

Rating: D+. Here’s the thing: did Kurt actually need partners here? Would anyone have really been surprised if he could beat all four Aces and 8’s at the same time? That’s the problem with Aces and 8’s: they have D-Von and Luke Gallows as their names right now. Why should I buy them as a threat? Nothing to see here, just like always with these guys anymore.

NOTHING POST MATCH??? SERIOUSLY??? Yep, that’s what kind of show we’ve got here.

AJ says that a win over Daniels would make up for his bad year.

We recap Daniels vs. Styles. The line of “this has been going on since 2003, 2004 or 2005” sums up the entire feud: they’ve been feuding so long that no one knows when it started.

Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles

This is billed as the last time so there MUST be a winner. Feeling out process and they fight over arm control to the mat. The feeling out continues for like four minutes as there’s NOTHING interesting going on here. AJ clotheslines him down to finally pick up the pace a bit and there’s the perfect dropkick. The bridging Indian Deathlock from AJ keeps Daniels in trouble as this is going nowhere so far.

Styles hits a snap suplex on the apron so Daniels comes back with a Rock Bottom onto the opposite apron. Daniels sends him into the steps a few times, including a powerslam/suplex hybrid down onto the steel. More back work follows as I try desperately to stay awake. Not that the match is bad but this show has been so freaking boring so far that it’s draining me. Daniels hits a moonsault and hooks a crossface minus the arm trap to torture AJ a bit more.

Off to a half nelson which isn’t really staying on the back so the match loses points for bad psychology. AJ fights up and they collide with AJ’s eye being busted open hardway. Daniels hits a release Rock Bottom but the BME misses, allowing AJ to hit the springboard forearm. AJ loads up the Clash but Daniels naturally escapes. A headscissors puts Christopher down but he comes bak with a sitout spinebuster for two.

A flipping slam out of the corner gets two for Daniels and he’s getting ticked off. AJ comes back with the moonsault into the reverse DDT for two and both guys are down. They head to the corner for a Daniels superplex for no cover so AJ hits the Pele to put both guys down again. Angel’s Wings is countered into a jackknife cover, but AJ backflips out of the cover into the Styles Clash for two. AJ loads up the Clash off the middle rope but Daniels counters into a rana. Now Daniels hits the Clash for the pin at 21:07.

Rating: B. Yeah it was good but so what? Daniels hasn’t won jack here, as AJ has beaten him how many times over the years? That’s the problem with this story: just winning the last match doesn’t always mean you win the war/feud. Daniels winning is the right idea from a storytelling standpoint, but this means nothing, as is the case with everything here. Oh and nice to see all the back work meaning absolutely nothing at all.

We recap Roode vs. Hardy. Hardy is champion, Roode is challenging him. Seriously, that’s it.

TNA World Title: Bobby Roode vs. Jeff Hardy

The crowd FINALLY wakes up for Hardy, possibly because he’s painted like a Christmas tree. Roode immediately goes for the ribs because we haven’t seen that in all of ten minutes. Hardy knocks him to the floor and hits the plancha to take Roode down as the fans stay hot. Back in and Hardy pounds on Roode in the corner as Mike reminds us that Hardy is injured from the Aces and 8’s attack. Tenay: “It’s hard to see his facial expressions because of the face paint.” This would be just as Hardy is wincing very badly. And this guy is the Professor right?

Roode gets in a shot to the midsection and hits a suplex and knee drop for two. We hit the chinlock for a bit, followed by the Hennig necksnap for two on Hardy. Back to the chinlock because the crowd must go back to being dormant like they were for two hours plus. When that does no good for Roode, he goes to the middle rope and jumps into Hardy’s feet, because this show hasn’t been bad enough yet so let’s have the DUMBEST SPOT IN WRESTLING.

Hardy hits a quick Russian legsweep for two but a cross body misses and Hardy crashes out to the floor. A whip into the steps gets two for Bobby and it’s back to the freaking chinlock. Jeff starts his real comeback with his usual stuff and gets two off the Whisper in the Wind. Roode counters a suplex into a rollup for two but Hardy hits his sitout gordbuster for two of his own. A non-bouncing top rope Vader Bomb gets two for Jeff and both guys are down.

The Twist is countered into the spinebuster for two. See, THAT is a move that makes sense for Roode after the offense he’s used so far. Psychology people! There’s the Twist from Hardy but Roode falls to the floor. A clothesline off the apron puts Roode down so Hardy loads up the Poetry in Motion against the barricade.

As usual it misses, but Hardy hits his hip on the barricade and he lands in the crowd. That gets two back in the ring and Roode loads up a superplex, only to get knocked off for the Swanton. Jeff can’t cover though so Roode spears him down for two. Here are Aces and 8’s but they just stand there. Roode walks into the Twist of Fate for the pin to retain at 23:00.

Rating: B. Really good main event here but the problem at the end of the day is that there was never any chance Roode was going to win the title. I don’t care how many two counts he got, there was no chance he was ever going to get the belt back here. Hardy is going to hold that thing either until his contract runs out or until his prescriptions expire. Good match here but in no way could it save the show.

The bikers destroy Hardy post match but Roode yells at them, saying he paid them already. They beat up Roode as well, because they’re CRYPTIC. Freaking screw off with this nonsense about Aces and 8’s anymore. No one cares and they haven’t for months now.

Overall Rating: D-. You remember those European house shows that were billed as PPVs where nothing ever happened? This was the American version of it, as NOTHING happened here but it was called a PPV level card anyway. Terribly boring and uninteresting show here with some good matches, but the first two hours or show just murdered this show something horrible.

Results

James Storm b. Kazarian – Last Call

Rob Van Dam b. Kenny King – Rollup

Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez b. Joey Ryan/Matt Morgan via DQ when Morgan pulled the referee out of the ring

Austin Aries b. Bully Ray – Rollup after a low blow

Tara b. Mickie James – Widow’s Peak

Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe/Garrett Bischoff/Wes Brisco b. Aces and 8’s – Angle Slam to Masked Man #2

Christopher Daniels b. AJ Styles – Styles Clash

Jeff Hardy b. Bobby Roode – Twist of Fate

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