Monday Night Raw – January 21, 2013: Why I Love Rumble Season and They Got Rock!!!

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 21, 2013
Location: HP Pavilion, San Jose, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for the Rumble and most of the card is set. My guess is that the Rock will be in the building tonight to further the feud with Punk. Other than that you can expect to see the big deal at the end of the show where everyone is thrown to the floor with one person left standing. Other than that there isn’t likely to be anything new tonight. Let’s get to it.

The Martin Luther King Day video opens things up. Vince never misses this one.

Here are Heyman and Vickie to open the show. Vickie says that it’s her job to make sure everyone has the best time they can at her show. That means she has to do things that are unpopular at times, which includes when it involves The Rock. Heyman says last week Rock insulted him as well as Vickie, who he sucks up to.

We get a clip from the Rock Concert last week with Rock making fun of both of them and Vickie says that if Rock tries to get in here tonight, he’ll be arrested. We’re told that Rock is being stopped from getting in by cops so we cut to the back where Rock cuts a promo on the three cops.

Rock says that instead of arresting him, one should arrest Punk for impersonating a champion, because unlike Manti Te’o who had an imaginary girlfriend, Punk has an imaginary nutsack. Heyman should be arrested for going out without a bra and Vickie should be asked what her insides look like, because her own head is buried inside of her. Rock tries to talk his way into the arena but Vickie says he’s not getting in, if you smell what the Vick is cooking.

Tonight there’s a Beat the Clock Challenge and whoever wins gets to pick their number in the Rumble. The idea is that there will be three matches: whoever wins his fastest gets to pick their Rumble spot.

Beat The Clock Challenge: Randy Orton vs. Antonio Cesaro

Both guys try quick rollups with Cesaro grabbing a headlock to take it to the mat instead. Antonio has the American flag trunks on now as he continues to embrace America. Orton comes back with a Thesz Press but shifts to another cover instead of using the cover that the Press is by definition. Orton punches him down for two and we take a break. Back with Cesaro putting Randy on the top turnbuckle but Orton blocks a superplex and knocks Antonio to the outside.

Orton gets pulled down as well as the clock continues to tick. The gutwrench suplex gets a pair of two’s and we hit a chinlock in a match that is designed to be won as quickly as possible. A slam gets two more for Cesaro as does a double stomp as we hit nine minutes. Back to the chinlock for a bit until Orton fights up and does all of his usual stuff. Cesaro counters the Elevated DDT into a jackknife cover for two and the European uppercut gets the same. Orton is sent shoulder first into the post and falls to the floor as we’re past eleven minutes now. Cesaro comes back in and walks into the RKO for the pin at 11:36.

Rating: C-. The lack of psychology in this match made my head hurt. In a match based around speed, why in the world would you keep going to the floor or putting on chinlocks? The clock idea can get a bit annoying after while but it’ll get even worse later on in the night. The match here wasn’t bad but the psychology was plain stupid at times.

Foley Hall of Fame video.

Shield video/promo talking about how they’ve taken out a lot of people and they’re just getting started.

Big Show vs. Zack Ryder

Brad Maddox jumps in on commentary to further annoy us. WMD ends this in 46 seconds.

Show talks about his second Last Man Standing match with Del Rio at the Rumble. He stands on Ryder’s chest and counts to ten.

Post break Maddox goes to see Heyman again and Heyman actually agrees to help make him famous. Ok then.

Ryback vs. Heath Slater

Back to basics for Ryback here as he mauls Heath and beats up the cohorts before finishing with Shell Shock at 1:11.

Ryback says his job is fun and on Sunday he’s in his first Royal Rumble. He’s made for this kind of match and it’s going to lead him to the main event of Wrestlemania.

Rock is still trying to talk his way around the cops. He says the cops are here to serve the people, not to protect Vickie Guerrero. Rock talks about what an experience it is to see Rock’s entrance and the fans start chanting his name. One of the cop says he had tickets for tonight and his wife and kid are in the crowd. Rock sees an opening and Vickie comes in to say arrest him.

The cops say Rock isn’t breaking any laws but apparently Vickie has the power to have them suspended from the police force. Punk is up next so Vickie offers Rock a chance to get in if he’ll apologize and make it good. Rock says he’s getting in but on his terms, not hers. The other problem is that Vickie still looks horrible tonight. Vickie shoves the cops away and leaves. Rock tells the cops he has an idea.

Here are Punk and Heyman for their weekly talk session. Punk says that he’s been champion 428 days and he’s going to be champion this time next week. He’s looked into the eyes of the Rock and knows that Rock isn’t a champion inside his heart. A long time ago Punk chose honest arrogance while Rock picked all of the people. Rock may be the Brahma Bull and the Great One but he can’t call himself champion. Punk is the man and in six days, Rock is on a collision course with him.

Beat The Clock Challenge: The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler

AJ is looking GREAT tonight. The clock is set at 11:36 so Miz tries for two fast pins but can only get two. They trade pinfall reversals until Ziggler hits a decent dropkick for two. A neckbreaker gets another two on Miz and it’s chinlock time. Miz takes Ziggler down and pounds away as we’re under nine minutes. A kick/knee to the face takes Ziggler down and there’s a chop block to set up the Figure Four. That gets countered because Miz isn’t Flair and Miz is sent to the floor. Langston sends him into the apron which gets two for Ziggler back inside.

We take a break and come back with four minutes left on the clock and Ziggler holding a chinlock. Miz fights up and hits a sunset flip and big boot for two each. Miz goes off on Ziggler in the corner and pounds away before hitting the running clothesline and the top rope ax handle for two. 2:30 left. The Finale is countered into a rollup by Ziggler which is countered into a rollup with trunks for two for Miz.

Ziggler hits the jumping DDT for two and we’re under 2:00. Miz picks the leg and COMPLETELY screws up the Figure Four but an AJ distraction lets Langston pull them to the ropes. Under a minute left and Miz has to avoid a Langston distraction, allowing Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag for the pin at 10:56.

Rating: D+. PLEASE let this be the end of the Figure Four idea for Miz. It doesn’t fit him whatsoever and this whole face push continues to be a disaster for him. Channeling Flair, as in a guy who is a jerk just like Miz, isn’t going to do him any favors either. This didn’t work that well at all and a lot of that is due to Miz. Let him be himself, not Flair.

It’s time for HELL NO’s anger management graduation. Dr. Shelby is running things and apparently his first name is Marion. Apparently they’re his first graduates. This comes complete with caps and gowns, Pomp and Circumstance, and diplomas. Bryan has his hair slicked back and they put their hats on in the ring. They officially graduate and as a final exercise, they have to pick who is valedictorian. Kane says Bryan and Bryan says NO.

Kane says Bryan has never had a problem with shutting his mouth before and an argument breaks out. Shelby snaps and asks them if a hug would make them feel better. The Dr. has an idea: what if EVERYONE hugged at the same time? Kane asks about Lawler and Cole and Shelby says yes them too. Lawler finally does it and now Bryan wants the physician and Justin Roberts to hug. Kane wants three fans to hug. They both tell random fans to hug and then everyone has to hug at once. A jumping group hug ends this.

Kaitlyn vs. Alicia Fox

Kaitlyn takes it to the floor quickly and pounds away as Tamina is looking on in the back. They head inside again and Alicia grabs a quick chinlock. That’s the extent of her offense as Kaitlyn spears her down for the pin at 2:05.

Heyman has secured a sky box for Punk to watch the next segment from. He calls it a Paul Bomb for the Rock.

Here’s Heyman to the ring to act as an interpreter for Punk since most of what he said likely went over the heads of most of the fans. The people seem to think that it’s a foregone conclusion that Punk is losing the title on Sunday because Vince is desperate for someone to defeat Punk for the title. Rock is the flavor of the month this time because Rock should be focusing on Punk but instead he’s singing songs about Heyman and Vickie. This means that Rock is stupid….and he’s also apparently coming to the arena.

He holds up the ticket that presumably the cop had for himself and Heyman bails. Rock thanks the cop for the ticket so Heyman correctly points out that the ticket doesn’t allow Rock to get in the ring. “Shut your mouth Twinkie T***.” Rock looks up at Punk in the box and says that on Sunday he’s winning the title. What it all boils down to is that Rock is going to rip Punk’s face off and there’s nothing Punk can do about it.

Rock invokes Martin Luther King and says that Rock is going to whip Punk all over the place. Next Monday, everyone from Bangkok to Brazil and all the way back around to San Jose is going to say free at last free at last, thank God almighty we are free at last from CM Punk as WWE Champion. Rock finishes it up and there go the lights. They come back up and SHIELD IS ON THE ROCK! They hit the Triple Bomb and leave Rock laying. Punk says that Rock may have a dream, but at some point you have to wake up. Rock is bleeding from the mouth.

We get a video on Martin Luther King. Dang they’re really proud of him tonight aren’t they?

Beat The Clock Challenge: Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus

The time to beat is 10:56. They slug it out to start and Sheamus gets two off a Regal Roll. Ziggler is watching in the back. Barrett rolls to the apron where he guillotines Sheamus to slow him up. Back inside and Barrett clotheslines Sheamus to the floor as we take a break. Back with five minutes left and Barrett kicking Shemus in the ribs. Off to an armbar on Sheamus before Sheamus comes back with running ax handles and a knee lift.

We’re under 4:00 to go and Barrett is dumped to the apron for the ten forearms. A suplex back in gets two on Barrett and we’ve got 3:00 left. Wade escapes White Noise and sends Sheamus’ shoulder into the buckle. A pumphandle slam is escaped but Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick. A kick to the ribs and one to the jaw get a VERY close two. Barret hits a middle rope elbow for two and we’ve got two minutes to go.

Sheamus escapes Wasteland and hits White Noise for no cover. He loads up the Brogue Kick but here are AJ/Dolph/Langston for a distraction. Winds of Change gets another near fall on Sheamus but we’ve only got 18 seconds left. Barrett loads up the forearm but charges into the Brogue Kick. The clock runs out though at 10:56 just as Sheamus covers giving Ziggler the win.

Rating: C. We were pretty much waiting for Ziggler to come out at the end and the question was could Ziggler survive the clock. Ziggler getting to pick his spot is interesting but there’s no reason for him to pick anything other than #30, unless he wants to show off. This was your usual match between these two in a pairing we’ve seen WAY too many times now.

Ziggler and company celebrate in front of Vickie and she says Dolph gets to pick a number, but not any number. It’s either #1 or #2. Ziggler is stunned.

We recap the Shield stuff again and cut to Heyman and Punk smiling in the back. They run into Vince who accuses them of sending Shield out to jump Rock. Vince says that if Shield gets involved on Sunday, there will be consequences. Heyman and Punk protest and point out how many other people Shield has attacked. Vince doesn’t care and says that if Shield interfered, Punk is stripped. Of the title you sick freaks.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Tensai

Tensai takes the champion (non-title here of course) down to start and hits a pair of Vader Bombs before Del Rio comes back with a rana out of the corner and a German suplex. The enziguri in the corner sets up a mostly missed middle rope moonsault for the pin at 1:31.

We get the second inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame: BOB BACKLUND! Awesome choice there and his speech should be interesting to say the least.

Here’s Cena to close the show. He talks about Sunday coming up and usually being a day of rest. Cena talks about people enjoying Sundays and talks to a kid in the crowd who probably plays video games on Sundays. He asks the kid to stop blocking him from getting to the next level on Black Ops 2. Cena mentions a goofy sounding user name before moving on to some chick who apparently enjoys a calm Sunday but winds up with a guy’s phone number in the pocket. The guy happens to be over in the front row and sex jokes are made.

The point to all this rambling is that everyone does different stuff on Sunday and this particular Sunday is about the Royal Rumble where the winner goes to Wrestlemania. The Rumble is going to be a war and Cena says he’ll win the Rumble. His music hits but it’s only 10:58 so here’s Sheamus to offer a rebuttal. He says he’ll repeat what he did last year, but here are the Prime Time Players to say THEY’LL win. Before they can get that far though, Orton makes an appearance and says he’s feeling deja vu.

Before he gets into that, Miz comes out to say his catchphrase but HELL NO comes out to say something as well. You know the real money in this company is making microphones. With them arguing, here’s Cesaro to say HE is winning the Rumble. He dedicates his win to the USA but here are 3MB to say their usual stuff. The rest of the locker room comes out for the required huge brawl before the Rumble. Sheamus throws out about five people and the show ends in chaos.

Overall Rating: B-. I liked tonight’s show. They hyped up the Rumble as well as talking about other things going on in the show. That’s a good go home show and I’m intrigued to see the Rumble on Sunday. Rock vs. Punk will be awesome and while I think I know who is going to win on Sunday (no hints yet as I’m in a predictions contest and I don’t want to give away my brilliance), it’s always a fun show. Good stuff tonight.

Results

Randy Orton b. Antonio Cesar – RKO

Big Show b. Zack Ryder – WMD

Ryback b. Heath Slater – Shell Shock

Dolph Ziggler b. The Miz – Zig Zag

Kaitlyn b. Alicia Fox – Spear

Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus went to a no contest

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