On This Day: March 19, 2000 – Uncensored: Someone Be Nice And Shoot These Guys Before They Hurt Themselves

Uncensored 2000
Date: March 19, 2000
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

 

Time for the last show in this series as we hit the ugly days of the company. There’s a double main event tonight in the form of Sid vs. Jarrett for the title and Hogan vs. Flair because Hogan needs his win back from last year I guess. The company is on its very last legs at this point and would be rebooted, as in all titles vacated and a lot of stories restarted, in about a month, making most of this show totally pointless. Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video is about the Total Package (he didn’t go by Lex Luger at this point) and was breaking everyone’s arm. This set up Sting vs. Luger FOR THE LAST TIME, in a lumberjack match. Also we get some clips of Hogan vs. Flair, which is going to be an Indian Strap Match, meaning all four corners. Oh dear.

 

Hogan and Sid are in the back talking and Hogan offers to watch his back later. We cut to the Harris Brothers talking to US Champion Jarrett about an insurance policy. Ok then.

 

The pyro goes off and the people do not move. It’s pretty sad looking.

 

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist vs. Psicosis

 

Artist has Paisley (Sharmell) with him and is more famous as Prince Iaukea. He’s also champion. Artist wears a lot of purple. Psicosis has Juvy with him and sound like people actually know who he is. Artist is in a dress shirt and dress pants. He was a bit of a weird character. Before they get going here’s Chris Candido for no apparent reason. I think this is his debut and he sits in on commentary.

 

He talks about how the internet rumors on him signing are true and he’s here to be the new Cruiserweight Champion. Psicosis hits a rana off the top to start and clotheslines Artist to the floor. Candido rants about a bunch of stuff, saying he could do all this stuff they’re doing but can wrestle which they can’t do. Back in Psicosis gets caught in the Tree of Woe and Artist drills him.

 

Off to a quick rest hold as the match is completely ignored. Big superkick by Artist for two as there are barely any fans to be seen. Out to the floor and Artist keeps his advantage. Into the ring steps and then back into the ring we go. The crowd can’t seem to decide if they’re interested in this or not as all of a sudden they get loud for nothing special. Artist gets some two counts and is frustrated.

 

There’s been no mention of a feud or a reason why Psicosis is getting the shot here so everything is normal. Sunset flip gets two for the challenger as the fans are booing LOUDLY at everything now. Middle rope rana gets a nice reaction and it’s back to the booing. Weird crowd to put it mildly here. Sitout gordbuster puts Artist down but Paisley distracts Psicosis from hitting the guillotine legdrop. Juvy kisses her and they brawl as the legdrop hits for a delayed two. Paisley distracts him again, allowing Artist to hit a jumping DDT off the middle rope for the pin to retain.

 

Rating: D+. This was a total mess. The crowd was all over the place and was really distracting. This was more or less a TV match all the way and was just not that good. Not interesting either which makes for a really awkward way to start off the show which looks awful on paper.

 

Tony throws it to Gene and says “that’s how you fill some time”. I seriously don’t know if that was supposed to be heard or not.

 

Anyway Gene is with Bigelow who faces The Wall tonight. Bigelow doesn’t know what’s wrong with Wall who has been on a roll as of late. Apparently it’s mentor (Bigelow) vs. mentee. Why mess with a classic story I guess?

 

XS vs. Norman Smiley/KISS Demon

 

XS are Lenny Lane and Lodi, who is called Rave here.. The KISS Demon is a complicated character as it was supposed to be one of four KISS themed characters which ultimately wound up being one and nearly resulted in a big lawsuit. Smiley is there because he’s the comedy character of WCW, similar to Eric Young or Santino I guess. This is apparently a long running feud and I have no idea why they’re feuding. Even the video about it doesn’t help. Lodi is called Rave here.

 

And never mind as here’s Stacy Keibler (Miss Hancock) in her sexy beyond belief corporate look with the skirt that might be 6 inches below her waist. The hair is pulled back and she has the glasses on. She’s also 20 years old here so how good do you think she’s looking? She wants to manage XS like she used to and they tell her to leave. They say she’s not worthy of them and she says they need female companionship.

 

Now we go from Van Halen style music to dance music for Hancock to God of Thunder for Smiley (coming out of a casket) and Demon. Apparently they’re the Screamin Demons. Norman is dressed as a demon also and gets some insane pops. XS jumps them only for Demon to beat the tar out of Lodi. Smiley and Lenny are in the ring now and I kid you not the reaction for Norman is so loud you can barely understand the announcers. Who would have guessed that?

 

Off to Demon as Stacy says that she’s going to manage Silver King and El Dandy. I kid you not again. This is a bizarre match and gets weirder as a very loud NORMAN chant starts up while he’s on the apron. Lodi gets a suplex for two on Demon. They totally botch a double clothesline as Lenny waits for after the other two go down to fall. Hot tag to Norman and there goes the roof. Spinning slam puts Lodi down. Lane and Demon look almost identical from behind.

 

Lane hits a Skull Crushing Finale to Norman for two as Hancock is annoyed with XS so Madden says he’ll comfort her. Everything breaks down as Demon and Lodi go to the floor. What kind of a name is Lodi anyway? Not that it matters because Norman gets the Norman’s Conquest (Crossface Chickenwing) for the tag from Lane.

 

Rating: D-. Stacy being out there helps this more than anything but the camera not being on her hurts it a lot. The match itself was another bizarre one as the fans were madly behind Norman, guaranteeing that he would never get a serious push or a push at all. Demon was just annoying and XS was worthless, so I have no idea what the point of this was.

 

XS goes after Hancock post match so the Demons chase them off. Hancock dances with Norman post match to an eruption. This is good until Demon cuts in to dance with Norman.

 

Billy talks to Booker about getting messed up by Stevie Ray. Booker says get your head in the game.

 

David Flair is with Crowbar and Daffney, demanding that she stays in the back for their match.

 

We get clips of Wall massacring everyone in sight, namely David and Bigelow.

 

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Wall

 

Big brawl to start as the ring is really loud. Bigelow gets him down and hits the top rope headbutt for two in the first few seconds. A HHH style knee to the face puts Bigelow down for two. Spinning DDT gets two for Bigelow as nothing is sticking here with momentum shifting with every move. Wall is knocked to the floor and they fight up the aisle. Wall sets for a chokeslam through something and that’s a DQ to end it. Crowbar and David come out for a beatdown on Wall and that totally fails.

 

Rating: F+. Was there a point to this at all? It’s barely three minutes long and was one move by one guy and then the other guy would hit one, repeat for three and a half minutes. This is the third straight horrible match to start the show, meaning we’ve wasted about 35 minutes of this show so far. Somehow that’s probably an improvement from what’s coming for this company.

 

Bigelow is taken out on a stretcher as Crowbar is up on the scaffold on the set. There’s a chokeslam off the set through a wooden piece of the stage. He goes all stoic after hurting people, which is absolutely nothing like Bubba Ray Dudley making the same face after he put people through tables. Not a thing like it at all. Crowbar is stretchered out as this eats up forever.

 

The announcers are all serious, so let’s throw it to Brian Knobbs who says he’s dedicating the next match to Bam Bam and Crowbar.

 

Hardcore Title: 3 Count vs. Brian Knobbs

 

Knobbs is challenging and has to beat all three guys. Apparently it’s a gauntlet match. 3 Count does their dancing thing and then Tony says “Wait a second. How can we do this after what we just saw?” He’s talking about Crowbar and apparently it took him three minutes to realize how distraught he was. They talk about stopping the show, and the thought occurs to me that this could somehow be a commentary on Vince not stopping the show after Owen fell last year. If that’s the case, this company deserves to die more than anything I’ve ever seen.

 

Anyway, Knobbs wastes some time looking for weapons before the match starts. Knobbs is all upset by Crowbar apparently. As he’s putting the weapons in one of the champions jumps off the top with a kendo stick to drill him. By gauntlet apparently they mean handicap elimination because they’re all out there at once. Knobbs cleans house and uses the Pit Stop on all three of them. Helms gets a chair shot to take over and sends Knobbs into a ladder in the corner.

 

Splash off said ladder gets no cover because the other two have to go up for splashes also. Karagis uses a corkscrew one and Moore’s Swanton misses. With Knobbs crawling away for weapons, 3 Count turns their back on him for a dance sequence. Helms has a chair on his face and Knobbs hits the chair with a mop to eliminate him. He had a broken nose so that’s more painful than it sounds.

 

It’s Table Time and after walking around for awhile, Knobbs powerbombs Karagis over the top rope through the table which more or less explodes. Helms is still around and beats on Knobbs a bit to no avail. Tony calls a chair shot a table shot because he’s not very smart. Another table is sent in while Moore is out cold. Moore manages to get a pin when Knobbs trips over something, but it’s a DUSTY FINISH due to Knobbs’ foot being on the ropes. In a freaking ow man moment, Knobbs throws a ladder over the top rope to land on Karagis who is still down. Middle rope garbage can shot gives Knobbs the title back.

 

Rating: D+. Somehow this might be the match of the night so far and it was a Brian Knobbs showcase match. Why in the world is this happening in the year 2000? And with a freaking Dusty Finish of all things. It was fine for a weapons match I guess, but there was never any doubt of the finish. Why in the world was this on PPV in 2000 though?

 

Harlem Heat 2000 (Stevie, Big T (Ahmed Johnson who has gained about 150lbs since his WWF time), J Biggs (Clarence Mason) and Cash (big muscle guy that never talked) say they’re ready for Booker and Kidman.

 

There’s a black limo that may have the insurance policy that Jarrett was talking about earlier.

 

Vampiro apparently likes being violent and doesn’t like Fit Finlay being in his face. This is a 30 second promo that is literally all one sentence. Apparently he likes to hurt people.

 

Booker/Billy Kidman vs. Harlem Heat 2000

 

Just Booker here after, and wait for this one, Harlem Heat 2000 won the rights to the letter T in a match against him. Booker is mad at Kidman for not having his back recently. At least we get to look at Torrie who is smoking in a green dress. Biggs, the lawyer, is on commentary here. Booker vs. Stevie to start as we talk about Crowbar some more. Kidman comes in and the faces dominate early.

 

Stevie gets a powerslam and it’s off to Big T. So if they had lost the match for the letter T would he just be known as Big? Biggs, a real life attorney, is ranting about whatever comes to his mind. Booker gets a sidekick to take down T and hits an axe kick to Cash. Kidman tries to come in off the top but jumps into a right hand. Time for him to play Morton for awhile I guess.

 

Biggs says Harlem Heat are ten time tag champions, claiming that this version keeps the reigns. T heads to the floor and tries to dive over the railing like he used to and mostly gets over, despite hitting Kidman in the feet. Spinebuster gets two on Kidman back in the ring. Kidman escapes the beating and brings in Booker, who is the only member of his team that’s been able to not get destroyed. Book End to Stevie gets no cover as T jumps him. Double spinebuster puts Booker down but Kidman makes a very last second save. Kidman then gets a sunset flip on T for the pin, despite not being legal.

 

Rating: C-. Now this is by far the best match of the night and we’re an hour into this. That should tell you all you need to know about this show. Nothing special at all here as it was a kind of sloppy seven minute tag team formula match. Not horrible, but nothing you wouldn’t see in any company at any given time. Nice to see something somewhat decent though.

 

We get a clip of Wall hurting both guys earlier, complete with a graphic saying “earlier tonight”. You know, for people that buy PPVs an hour in.

 

Finlay talks about wanting respect from Vampiro.

 

Vampiro vs. Fit Finlay

 

This is falls count anywhere. Back and forth stuff to start until Vampiro hits a top rope spinwheel kick for two. He busts out some more kicks and Finlay is in trouble. Apparently Bigelow and Crowbar are injured and Crowbar is far worse but it’s nothing incredibly serious. Ok, so now we can stop talking about them right? Finlay brings in an old school chair which of course winds up being kicked into his own face.

 

Both guys have broken arms due to Luger. Out to the floor and Vampiro is dropped throat first across the railing. We go into the crowd and isn’t it always lucky that they land where there are no fans. They go up the steps and into the back with Finlay in control I guess you’d call it. Time to go into the women’s bathroom and now we shift to the men’s room. I think Finlay went the wrong way or something.

 

Madden: “A good hold to use in there is the urine-age.” Into a stall and there’s a trashcan shot. Vampy climbs to the top of a stall but the can is tossed at him as he jumps off. They go to the commons area which has a weird Kane red light thing to it. They’re outside and the red light thing is still going on. Maybe a camera issue or something. Back inside now as they’re barely fighting because of all the people. Backdrop by Finlay but Vampiro rams him into a wall and the Nail in the Coffin (Michinoku Driver) ends this.

 

Rating: D+. We’ve seen this match so many times before that this means nothing for the most part. The lack of action after about 4 minutes in though really hurt it. The bathroom spot has been done before and done way better than this. Not impressed here, namely because WWF at the time was making these hilarious and hard hitting at the same time. This was kind of hard hitting but nothing interesting at all.

 

The Harris Boys say they’ll win the tag titles. That’s it.

 

Disco says he and his Mamalukes (Disco is managing) will keep the belts. It’s about respect apparently.

 

Tag Titles: Mamalukes vs. Harris Brothers

 

The Harris Brothers are NWO here, in part of the final incarnation which was also the weakest probably. Vito kisses both his partner and the referee on the cheek. This is No DQ apparently. Disco Inferno is on commentary as our what, 4^th guest commentator tonight? Vito vs. we’ll call that Ron while Madden and Disco banter back and forth. Powerslam by Johnny gets two. The teams are Ron/Don Harris vs. Johnny the Bull/Vito. That might clear some stuff up.

 

This is pretty weak to start as the styles are totally clashing. Back to Vito who gets a Japanese armdrag to take over. Disco is cracking me up here. The Mamalukes hit the H Bomb (Harrises’ finisher) on we’ll say Ron for two. Out to the floor as Johnny is in trouble. Spinwheel kick gets him out of that but Vito is drilled before the tag can be made. Well sure now: let’s talk about Crowbar some more. This is so freaking annoying anymore.

 

Yes, Vince didn’t stop the show for Owen. FREAKING GET OVER IT. I know that sounds bad, but there’s a HUGE difference between a real life accident and a scripted moment being used as a commentary on a real tragedy. Hot tag to Vito and some “Mafia” kicks clean house. Everything breaks down and Vito hits a top rope elbow for two. Modified Hart Attack gets the same. Double flapjack gets two on Johnny as the twins take over. Disco comes in for a belt shot for two. A belt shot to Vito sets up the H Bomb (kind of a double belly to back suplex) for the titles for the Brothers.

 

Rating: D. This was rather weak overall with the Brothers just doing their usual stuff. The Mamalukes were ok at best although I kind of liked Vito. They couldn’t get much going here and that was mainly due to the styles being too similar. The titles would be vacated anyway so again, all of this means nothing for the most part.

 

Finlay says he beat respect into Vampiro but the better man won. Keep the fire burning Vampy.

 

Luger and Flair say they’ll win. Gene calls Flair Luger by mistake.

 

We recap Terry Funk vs. Dustin Rhodes. The idea is that Rhodes is now a heel because his family life sucked due to the Rhodes vs. Funk feud. Yes, they actually think people care about Rhodes vs. Funk in the year 2000. This also involves Dustin being knocked out cold with a chicken. Yes, as in something you put in a pot and cook then eat.

 

Dustin says this is Funk’s retirement match. His first was in 1983 so what do you think is going to happen with him retiring?

 

Terry Funk vs. Dustin Rhodes

 

Oh and of course it’s a Texas Bullrope Match. You know, because two strap matches/rope matches in the same show is FINE. Funk has the chicken again and says Rhodes’ baby brother is here. And here’s a guy in a chicken suit. I kid you not, this is really happening. Dustin chases him and is hit in the face with the actual chicken. Into the ring and Dustin is whipped by the rope which isn’t attached.

 

This is just a bad match here with random cowbell shots added in. Low blow to Funk as this needs to end now. Naturally, this is the second longest match of the night. Dustin hits him with the bell and the rope a lot and that’s about it. We actually argue over experience here with the main point being does Dustin have half the experience that Funk has. We actually tie them together now to actually follow the match rules.

 

DDT gets two for Dustin. Bulldog onto the cowbell gets the same and the chicken man is back. There are chicken sound effects to go with it. Madden keeps ranting about how the chicken needs to die. Funk gets a low blow in with the bell and grabs a mic. It’s now an I Quit match. The referee protests so he gets cussed at and there’s a cowbell to the head for him. Dustin says I QUIT but the referee says that’s not a submission so we keep going. I hate this company.

 

After being hit in the head literally about 8 times with a metal bell, Dustin gets up and hits Funk once with it to put him down. There are a bunch more shots to the head as this is just awful. Funk keeps getting up because he’s from Texas or something. Piledriver onto the bell and we’re finally done.

 

Rating: F. This was literally 90% cowbell. Also, NO ONE CARES ABOUT FUNK VS. RHODES IN THE YEAR 2000! That feud meant something 25 years prior to this, so WCW of course thinks everyone cares about it. This company is so stupid it’s unreal at times. The match sucked also because apparently saying I QUIT isn’t giving up.

 

Sid says he’ll win.

 

We recap Sting vs. Luger’s complete history. By that they mean this story but whatever. Luger has been breaking everyone’s arms and he started with Sting. Sting started his usual mind games and then came back when Luger kept hurting people.

 

Sting vs. The Total Package

 

This is a lumberjack match. Sting’s lumberjacks are the people whose arms Luger broke. Luger’s are just guys wearing fake casts. And yes he’s really called The Total Package here. Luger says he’s sorry to all the lumberjacks for breaking their arms. His lumberjacks are Harlem Heat 2000, Hugh Morrus and the Harris Brothers. Package goes for the arm to start which doesn’t work that well.

 

All Sting here for the most part as Luger is in trouble. The fans want Goldberg but it’s a shame that’s just not going to happen. Luger goes to the floor and everything goes nuts as you would expect. Now Sting gets beaten down outside also. Tank Abbot comes out for no apparent reason and knocks Doug Dillenger (security guy who Luger hurt) out cold with one punch before leaving.

 

All of the lumberjacks fight towards the entrance and we have a regular match. Luger has a chinlock on as this is making my head hurt. Oh wait Vampiro is here still. Flair comes out and fights with Vampy as Sting takes over. Now Flair comes in and that goes badly for him. Stinger Splash to Luger but Liz hits Sting with the bat. Jimmy Hart, another lumberjack, takes Liz to the back. Vampiro hits Luger with the bat to break up the Rack and the Death Drop ends this.

 

Rating: D-. And most of that is because Liz looked great around this time. The ton of run-ins and the gimmick more or less going away halfway through hurt this badly, along with Luger being completely uninteresting by this point. The match itself was really boring too, making the whole thing awful.

 

Sting and Vampiro hug post match. That wouldn’t last long.

 

Abbot says nothing of note about Dillenger.

 

We recap Sid vs. Jarrett which is happening because they needed a world title match I guess. The NWO wanted the world title which Sid had so Sid rambled a lot and Jarrett said he’s win.

 

The match order is changed so the world title match is now.

 

WCW World Title: Sid vs. Jeff Jarrett

 

The door of the black limo is opened but we cut away before we see who’s in it. Jeff is US Champion. Sid dominates to start but a chokeslam is broken up by a thumb to the eye. Out to the floor and Jeff is put on the table. They go out into the crowd and it’s almost all Sid. Up to the stage area and here are the Harris Brothers to beat Sid down. Jeff throws a sleeper on back in the ring.

 

Sid blocks a middle rope double axe handle and the Harris guys get up on the apron, one with the belt. Jeff is slammed into it by mistake but it only gets two. Chokeslam is blocked and there goes the referee. Guitar shot to Sid but there’s no referee. He waves down a crooked referee but Hogan comes out for the save. Big boot and legdrop to Jeff as Hogan beats everyone up. In the chaos Sid covers him and gets the pin.

 

Rating: D. Just a big mess here and the whole thing was just 8 minutes long. That’s hardly a full length PPV main event in my eyes and when the majority of that was spent in a brawl on the outside, that’s not really a good sign. Hogan only comes in at the end to set up the main event and the whole thing just felt thrown together.

 

Anyway the limo guy/insurance policy is the returning Scott Steiner who would soon begin a big heel push. He hits Hogan and since Hogan is down, here’s Flair to start the main event sans entrances.

 

Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair

 

Strap match here, meaning touch all four buckles. The brawl goes to the floor almost immediately as Hogan is wearing a weightlifting belt and trunks which is a rather weird look. Flair begs off and gets beaten up. Good to see that the Steiner interference made such a big deal. Into the ring again and Flair gets whipped.

 

Flair begs off some more but gets a thumb to the eye. Thankfully he doesn’t have the short and spiked hair here as the blonde locks are flowing pretty solidly. They slug it out and guess who wins that one. The strap is really long here. Flair is being dominated here. He hits the floor and begs off again as no one has tried for a corner yet. Naturally the guy with hair is bleeding.

 

Hogan slams him off the top as always and hits a clothesline on the floor. Jimmy Hart is here too and gets in some shots with the strap. Flair gets some shots in and Hogan is like dude just no. They go up to the stage and Luger pops up with a chair shot to put him down. We’re probably almost ten minute into this and not a single corner has been touched.

 

Low blow on the floor puts Hogan down again and Flair unhooks himself from the strap. Flair hammers away because that’s worked so well for him in the past right? Hart comes in again and he gets drilled. That guy deserves a medal for the abuse he’s taken over the years. Flair finally goes for some corners, getting three this time. Flair pulls out brass knuckles and hits him for a two count. In a strap match. Well of course he does. Hogan Hulks Up, beats Flair up, touches three corners, beats up Luger when he runs in, drops the leg on Flair and pins him, then touches the fourth buckle after the bell rings. You figure it out. I’m done.

 

Rating: D+. This was a Hogan vs. Flair match, but not a particularly good one. The biggest problem here is simple: this is the year 2000. In like 1994 or so this would have been ok, but it’s not 1994. Hogan and Flair with Hogan doing his old school thing and Flair being a basic jobber and not even for the title isn’t something that’s going to work here. Yes, some fans cheer Hogan, but he shouldn’t be on top in the year 2000. To be fair though the company was deader than dead by this point, so who cares? This would be a month before the reboot anyway, so again it doesn’t really matter.

 

Overall Rating: F. When one match is what I’d consider not bad and that’s about as high as we get in the grades, what do you expect me to say here? The show is meaningless and it’s not like the matches are even good. This was just boring with all kinds of stuff that didn’t excite anyone. The crowd was tiny too and the whole thing was just bad. Total mess here and WCW would continue to sink into the abyss until finally dying soon after this. Ok so it was a year later but they were more or less dead by the summer.
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