Monday Night Raw – May 5, 2014: Just Play The Halloween Theme Already

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 5, 2014
Location: Times Union Center, Albany, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

Extreme Rules has come and gone and most of the stories have advanced. First and foremost, Bryan kept the title away from Kane in a brawl reminiscent of the Attitude Era but it looks like a rematch is imminent. Other than that Shield defeated Evolution in a war and Bray Wyatt escaped the cage to beat Cena. The main stories tonight are a twenty man battle royal for the US Title and Adam Rose debuting. Let’s get to it.

US Title: Battle Royal

Dean Ambrose, Goldust, Cody Rhodes, Mark Henry, Titus O’Neal, R-Truth, Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, Heath Slater, Sheamus, Curtis Axel, Ryback, Dolph Ziggler, Big Show, Sin Cara, Santino Marella, Fandango, Zack Ryder, Jack Swagger, Damien Sandow

Ambrose is defending and all of his challengers come to the ring at the same time. It’s the traditional big mess to start with Show throwing out Woods and Henry dumping Ryder. Truth is thrown out by someone we didn’t see as everyone else is just having random brawls. Ziggler finally loses his shirt but makes the mistake of hammering on Big Show. Santino slides back into the ring and fails to help Sin Cara eliminates Titus. Big Show dumps Titus with ease and does the same to Sin Cara with the masked man landing on all of the other eliminated guys. Why they were still at ringside isn’t explained.

Fandango gets Dolph over the top but not out to the floor as the brawling continues. Sheamus does the ten forearms to Sandow for an elimination and we take a break. Back with Big Show and Mark Henry being ganged up on in opposite corners. Heath Slater appears to be the only elimination during the break. Henry and Show shrug everyone off and have a showdown ending with a chokeslam to Henry. A Brogue Kick staggers Big Show though and everyone comebines to dump him out. They do the same to Henry and both giants are gone.

Kofi is sent to the apron but jumps back in, only to be kicked out by Ambrose. Dean gets Fandango as well but has to deal with Swagger. Ryback and Axel dump Cody and Goldust to get us down to seven: Ambrose, Santino, Sheamus, Ryback, Axel, Swagger and Ziggler. Scratch Dolph actually as Santino Cobras him out but is quickly dumped by Ryback and Axel, leaving us with five. Sheamus starts cleaning house but runs into a spinebuster from Ryback. The Goldberg chants start up and Ryback has blood on his teeth.

Axel and Ryback take control but can’t toss Dean out. The fans chant for Punk for no apparent reason as Dean backdrops Axel to the floor and wins a slugout with Ryback on the apron to get us down to three. Swagger tries for a cheap shot but Dean slides back in. Ambrose gets behind him and dumps Jack but turns around for the Brogue Kick. The elimination is academic and Sheamus is champion at 15:49.

Rating: C. This was probably the best way to get the title off Ambrose save for the cliched triple threat or fourway match. He’s got the record for longest reign by a WWE US Champion so it’s not like he didn’t get to do anything with the belt. Also this is something for Sheamus to do once he’s back so it’s good for everyone all around. It also didn’t come off as any sort of a heel turn which it wasn’t supposed to be.

Rollins tries to calm Ambrose down by saying it wasn’t fair but here’s HHH to interrupt. He talks about how lucky Shield got last night before announcing a six man tag with Shield vs. the Wyatts later tonight.

After a break Sheamus says he’s been spinning his wheels since he came back. They say every stopped clock is right twice a day and tonight was the perfect time for the Celtic Warrior to step back into glory. Renee asks him if he has a message for Dean Ambrose. Sheamus says no hard feelings.

We get stills from Bryan vs. Kane last night.

Daniel is with Brie in the back when Stephanie comes in. All Daniel did last night was anger Kane and make him capable of unspeakable acts of violence. Therefore, Bryan has to stay in this locker room until his match later tonight. She shuts the door and Kane’s mask is on the back.

Rob Van Dam vs. Cesaro

Feeling out process to start with Van Dam taking over with a quick armdrag. A headlock slows RVD down and a back elbow to the jaw gets two. Rob comes back with a quick kick to the face and Rolling Thunder sends Cesaro to the floor. Back in and Cesaro gets in a few more shots but another kick sends him outside for a big old flip dive.

A moonsault off the apron sets up a slingshot legdrop for two back inside. The fans think this is boring thirty seconds after all the high spots from Van Dam because wrestling crowds have the attention span of drunken gnats. Now it’s a CM Punk chant as Cesaro hammers away and sends Van Dam to the floor with a clothesline. We come back from a break with Van Dam fighting out of a chinlock and the fans chanting for him for a change.

A sunset flip gets two for Van Dam but he gets caught by a jumping double stomp of all things. Van Dam gets another two off a small package and rollup but he dives off the top into an uppercut for a pair of near falls. Cesaro nails him with an awesome looking running uppercut in the corner followed by some rolling gutwrench suplexes for two. Back up and Van Dam can’t hook a monkey flip out of the corner but runs into an elbow to the jaw. He goes up top but gets caught in a one legged tree of woe. Cesaro goes to the floor to hammer away at Van Dam’s head but does it too long for a DQ at 12:00.

Rating: C+. The match was fun and I actually like the ending. Van Dam was getting dominated so it doesn’t make Cesaro look bad and shows a more aggressive side to his character. Those rolling gutwrench suplexes are just awesome and his match against a big name is going to rock.

Cesaro hammers away even more until Heyman pulls him off. Van Dam looks totally out of it.

Bray Wyatt says that Abigail told him that he was born to lead and would change the world one day. This world we live in has an evil about it and everyone refers to him as a piece of trash or a nobody. Those people have made it a glorious day because last night, Bray Wyatt became somebody. Last night Cena’s fear was personified by a singing child and we get a clip showing just that. Bray talks about how a child has personified Cena’s fear. John thinks that Bray is spreading nothing but lies and just wants to watch the world burn.

The second part is right because he wants a new world to be reborn in his image. Wyatt is doing this for the homeless man sitting on the side of the street, for the teenage girl who woke up crying because she was called too ugly to be the prom queen and for every fan sitting in this arena. From this day forward, John Cena stands alone and alone he shall fall. The children shall stand will Bray Wyatt and they’ll never be alone again. He’ll be remembered for what he truly is: a god.

Ryback vs. Cody Rhodes

We see a clip from the battle royal that shows Cody accidentally eliminating Goldust. Cody starts fast and sends Ryback to the outside before hammering away in the corner. Ryback takes over with a hot shot before choking on the ropes to keep Cody in trouble. A delayed vertical suplex gets two on Cody and a hard whip into the corner puts him down again.

We hit the chinlock for a bit until Ryback misses a splash. Cody takes out the knee and hits a running knee to the chest for two. The Disaster Kick looks AWESOME, followed by a good looking springboard missile dropkick. Goldust goes after Axel but the distraction lets Ryback pull Cody off the top into Shell Shock for the pin at 6:00.

Rating: D. This was a really dull match as the always annoying “let’s have two guys lose every match they’re in and then wonder why no one cares about them at all after it’s over” trope continues. This match just kept going and I was really bored after about two minutes, especially when the ending was obvious.

The lights go out in Brie and Bryan’s locker room. A small fire lights up with Kane’s mask over it. The newlyweds leave and run into Stephanie, who offers to have Brie’s car brought up. I’m sure this won’t end badly at all.

It’s time for a Cinco De Mayo celebration with Los Matadores and Torito. They have your usual Mexican decorations and Torito throws out candy to the fans until 3MB interrupts. They want a truth but demand that only English is spoken. Drew threatens violence if the truce isn’t accepted and a brawl breaks out. Slater gets left alone and shouts OLE, only to be thrown to the floor. Torito puts Horny in an airplane spin as JBL shouts out boxing references.

Bolieve!

Kofi Kingston vs. Alexander Rusev

Before the match, Lana praises Vladimir Putin and Edward Snowden, saying America’s secrets are safe with them. Rusev runs Kofi over to start and tosses him down with an overhead belly to belly suplex. Kingston comes back with a dropkick and spinning crossbody for two but misses a kick to the chest, allowing Rusev to load up the fall away slam. Kingston lands on his feet though and tries the springboard cross body, only to be caught in mid air. Now the fall away connects and the Accolade makes Kofi submit at 2:50.

The Network is now available on XBOX One.

Brie gets into the car as Bryan looks around. He gets in to leave and of course there’s a camera in the backseat. Stephanie knocks on the window to scare both of them and says Bryan’s match is right now. If he doesn’t wrestle tonight, he’s stripped of the title. Thankfully Daniel has a brain and has Brie come with him to the ring.

Daniel Bryan vs. Alberto Del Rio

Non-title. Daniel fires off kicks in the corner to start before opting for some right hands to the face. He charges into the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two though and Del Rio takes over. Another USA chant starts up as Bryan fires the kicks in the corner. He backflips over Del Rio and actually slips on the landing. Thankfully JBL is paying attention and says it’s because he’s worried Kane might attack him. The YES Kicks have Del Rio in trouble but he grabs a Backstabber for two. Daniel heads outside and gets sent into the barricade as we take a break.

Back with Bryan fighting out of a chinlock but walking into a German suplex for two. Alberto starts goinga fter the arm and mocks the YES post, only to dive into a forearm for two. They head outside with Bryan being dropped face first onto the barricade. Back in and Del Rio lowers the knee pad for the superkick (not sure what sense that makes) but Bryan ducks and lands a hard kick of his own.

A drop toehold sends Alberto into the middle buckle and they trade kicks with Del Rio taking over. Bryan gets dropped with a big old kick but headbutts out of a superplex. The Swan Dive gets two and the running dropkicks knock Del Rio to the floor. FLYING GOAT sends Del Rio halfway into the stands but he comes back with an enziguri for two. The armbreaker is esily countered though and Bryan uses something like La Mistica to set up the YES Lock for the win at 15:32.

Rating: B-. This is the kind of stuff they should use to main event shows like Payback or another low level show. Instead of using the same matches over and over again, just let Bryan tear it up with some upper midcarder for about 25 minutes a month. Good match here with Del Rio going kick for kick with the champion.

Post match Kane’s pyro goes off so they run to the back. Brie and Daniel get in the car but it won’t start. Daniel checks the engine and plugs a wire back in. He shuts the hood and of course Kane is in the back of the car. Bryan fights Kane and tries to leave again but Kane gets on the back of the car. Daniel floors it to drop Kane on the concrete (off camera of course) but stops and looks back. Kane sits up so Bryan gets back in and drives off.

Intercontinental Title: Big E. vs. Bad News Barrett

Barrett is defending, having beaten Big E. for the title last night. Before the match, Bad News says the fans are going to need some cosmetic surgery for their new champion. Big E. runs him over to start and the fight is quickly on the floor. Barrett is rammed into the apron and a spear puts him into the steps before they just beat the count back inside. The champion goes right back to the floor but avoids a charge to send Big E. shoulder first into the post.

Back with Barrett still in control and getting two off Winds of Change. A hard knee to the face puts Big E. down again and here comes the Bull Hammer. You know it’s not working that quickly though so Big E. runs him over to put him in the ropes. The spear through the ropes puts both guys on the floor and it’s Big E. up first. The Big Ending is countered though and Bad News rakes the eyes. Bull Hammer retains the title at 10:48.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here as it was just the required win in the rematch to establish that Barrett is the better man and get rid of Big E. for awhile. It wasn’t a very good match though as Big E. started doing stuff he didn’t do while champion and it makes it easier to beat him, as is tradition in wrestling.

Cena will respond to Bray Wyatt on Main Event.

We look at the battle royal earlier.

Here’s a special Mother’s Day message from Mr. T. which is comprised of remixed clips of his Hall of Fame speech and Brodus Clay’s dancing bridge club from Wrestlemania XXVIII.

Swagger and Colter come out with a sign saying Zeb’s Deportation List. Colter says today isn’t Cinco De Mayo because it’s May 5. He doesn’t like all the foreigners coming into WWE and has a list of all the people he wants gone. It’s only a partial list: Cesaro, Heyman, Emma, Santino, Paige and Sheamus. Colter does the Emma dance and says it’s poisoning the youth of America. They’re interrupted by the Adam Rose party, complete with BUNNY. The entire party is here to carry Rose to the ring just like in NXT. The fans are singing the tune of his song too so it’s working.

Rose has a sucker in his mouth and holds it out to Colter. Zeb holds up a hand but Adam grabs him by the moustache. “Don’t be a lemon. BE A ROSEBUD!” Swagger runs at him but gets kicked in the face and backdropped to the floor. The party gets back in the ring and Zeb looks terrified before running off.

Wyatt Family vs. Shield

It’s a big fight to start and the bell rings with everyone on the floor. Ambrose and Rowan get things going with Dean taking over in the corner. Off to Rollins who gets thrown out of the corner, allowing for the tag off to Harper. Dean makes a blind tag to help Rollins with a double suplex and two on Luke. Roman comes in and hammers away before it’s quickly back to Rollins for a top rope shot to the arm.

Harper takes Seth into the corner to take over again and it’s off to Bray for some hard right hands to the head. Rowan can’t slam Rollins down and gets caught with an enziguri, allowing for the tag off to Dean. Ambrose hammers away and nails a cross body, allowing him to get even more hard shots. Dean cleans house and takes Rowan down with a shoulder before slapping on a Figure Four. He lets it go so we can have a standoff and take a break.

Back with Harper holding Ambrose in a chinlock. Dean fights up with a jawbreaker but it’s off to Rowan to whip Dean from corner to corner. Rowan is sent to the floor and the now legal Harper gets the same treatment. Seth hits a running dive to take them both out but stops to go after Bray, allowing Harper to shove him to the floor in a scary crash. Harper follows it up with a suicide dive, sending Rollins over the table.

Back in and things settle down again before it’s off to Bray for a running splash in the corner. Harper slams Rollins down for two more as everything breaks down. Rowan and Wyatt throw Dean onto the announce table before leaving him alone. Rollins knocks Harper off the top rope and hits the top rope knee to put both guys down. A double tag brings in Reigns to hammer on Wyatt and hit a series of the running clotheslines.

 

The Family breaks up the Superman Punch and it’s double dive time to send Harper and Rowan onto the table. Now the Punch connects and it’s Triple Bomb time but here’s Evolution. That’s fine with Shield as they kick the Wyatts onto Evolution and hit more double dives, only to have Bray run Roman over and hit Sister Abigail for the pin at 18:04.

Rating: B-. It’s a good match but it has to compare to the match these guys had at Elimination Chamber. The ending gives us a reason for Shield to keep fighting Evolution, hopefully in some singles matches instead of another six man. It’s a good main event but more about the stories than the match.

Evolution goes after Shield post match and this time their comeback is stopped. A string of finishers ends the show, including a Triple Bomb to Reigns.

Overall Rating: C. The more I think about it, the more seeing Bryan vs. Kane again makes me want to pound a rusty spike into my eye. If it’s going to mean another month of really bad segments like this one then I’m very glad I have the Network to give me something entertaining to watch instead of this nonsense. We get it: Kane is a monster who is going to lose in the blowoff match because that’s what he’s done for like 15 years now. The rest of the show was solid but that segment gets stupider and stupider every time I think about it.

Results
Sheamus won a battle royal last eliminating Dean Ambrose
Rob Van Dam b. Cesaro via DQ when Cesaro wouldn’t stop attacking Van Dam in the ropes
Ryback b. Cody Rhodes – Shell Shock
Alexander Rusev b. Kofi Kingston – Accolade
Daniel Bryan b. Kane – Yes Lock
Bad News Barrett – Big E. – Bull Hammer
Wyatt Family b. Shield – Sister Abigail to Reigns

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Clash of the Champions at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at: