Impact Wrestling – June 14, 2018: This Belongs In A Mouse Trap Factory

Impact Wrestling
Date: June 14, 2018
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Don Callis

It’s another big night this week with a double main event. First up we have Moose vs. Eli Drake in a #1 contenders match with the winner getting a World Title shot against Austin Aries at Slammiversary. Other than that we have Brian Cage challenging X-Division Champion Matt Sydal, which sounds like a way for Impact to find a way out of giving Cage the title. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening video looks at both matches, which is really all that matters on this show.

Opening sequence.

Grado comes out for a match but here’s Eddie Edwards to jump him with a kendo stick. Eddie rants about losing his chance to kill Sami Callihan last week and blames Tommy Dreamer, who he promises to expose. Cue Dreamer, who is somehow being featured again on a show in 2018. Dreamer says things have changed since his time but Eddie asks if Dreamer would change anything he ever did.

That earns an admission that Tommy is a hypocrite but he tells Eddie to leave it alone. Eddie says he hasn’t talked to his wife in a week and Dreamer says he knows. As you might expect, Eddie isn’t happy that Dreamer is talking to his wife and violence almost breaks out. Tommy shoves him down and gets caned in the head, because we’re probably getting Eddie vs. Dreamer at Slammiversary for some reason. Eddie beats on Dreamer even more before leaving without looking sorry.

Post break Dreamer is livid and leaves, saying he’s done around here.

The announcers preview the rest of the night.

Taya Valkyrie vs. Rebel

Josh actually recaps Rebel’s time with the Menagerie, a stable I didn’t think anyone remembered. They lock up to start with Rebel taking her to the mat but getting stomped off a sunset flip attempt. Su Yung is…somewhere watching, which isn’t something you would expect from her. A kick to the ribs puts Rebel in the corner and Taya kicks her in the face for two.

More kicks have Rebel in trouble and Taya mocks the LET’S GO REBEL chants. Rebel avoids a charge in the corner and scores with some forearms but a running knee to the face doesn’t warrant a cover. A middle rope moonsault misses and Taya spears her down, setting up the Road To Valhalla for the pin at 5:42.

Rating: D. Just a squash here with Rebel not exactly being the toughest of competition. Taya is kind of being left out in the cold at this point with Yung running the division and Allie being the only real challenger around, unless they actually try to trot Madison Rayne out there again. I mean, it would be a long stretch so you can probably pencil it in at this point.

Post match Taya calls out Madison Rayne for next week. So yeah, they really are going with Madison as the next #1 contender. Sure why not.

The classic clip of the week: the Unbreakable triple threat. I’ve heard of worse ideas.

Sydal says he isn’t worried about Cage because the muscles are just hiding inner weakness.

Callihan says last week was a win because Eddie is about to lose everything.

Cult of Lee vs. KM/Fallah Bahh

The huge Bahh rubs his stomach and shoves Lee down so it’s off to Konley instead. KM comes in to break up some double teaming and they crush the Cult against each other. Bahh and KM roll over the two of them on the mat but Bahh hits him by mistake, allowing the Cult to dropkick Bahh down. A rollup gives Lee the pin on KM at 3:25.

Rating: D-. So we have a comedy team breaking up before they’ve had any kind of success whatsoever. Well that’s good actually as the team was one of the worst and least funny that I’ve seen in a very long time. I don’t get the appeal of Bahh and I don’t get why KM isn’t working in a mouse trap factory somewhere. At least they didn’t get a title chase or anything.

Post match KM shoves Bahh down and says he’s done.

Video on Moose vs. Drake.

King has gotten LAX a Tag Team Title match next week. Diamante still isn’t convinced and doesn’t join in on the celebration. She leaves with LAX and King sits down, saying that the world is his.

From Philadelphia in the ECW Arena.

Moose vs. Eli Drake

No entrances or special hype as the match just starts with Drake jumping Moose from behind. They head outside where Moose whips Drake into the barricade but misses a charge. Drake gets in a not great looking Death Valley Driver onto the apron but gets chopped rather hard back inside.

A basement corner dropkick has Drake in more trouble and the chokebomb out of the corner gives Moose two. Drake powerbombs him for two and scores with Blunt Force Trauma. Thank goodness he got a better finisher than that weak looking thing. Moose (with Josh saying he has a stupid name) misses a charge into the post but still slips out of the Gravy Train. A spear gives Moose the title shot at 8:48.

Rating: C-. Why do I have a feeling that the lack of entrances or introductions is because this was just a regular match at a house show that they slapped a stipulation on to make things easier? This was just a regular match and there was hardly any urgency or drama, though Moose winning is an interesting idea. I doubt he wins the title, but it wouldn’t completely stun me.

Tessa Blanchard vs. Kiera Hogan

No DQ. Kiera wastes no time in pulling her to the floor and ramming Tessa face first into the apron over and over. Back in and a right hand puts Tessa on the floor again, followed by a baseball slide into a hurricanrana. Tessa gets in a flapjack on the ramp though and a dropkick to the back gets two inside.

We hit an abdominal stretch for a few moments but Kiera is right back out with some forearms. That just earns her a beating and Tessa grabs a chair. A hammerlock DDT gives Tessa two and she’s so annoyed at the speed of the count that the referee gets shoved down. Kiera gets in a chair shot and a low superkick for two but Tessa grabs a half nelson and spins Hogan face first into the chair for the pin at 8:07.

Rating: D+. I like both of them but this wasn’t much to see. Tessa getting the win and getting to be aggressive are a good thing but it’s nothing all that great, especially after Yung and Allie have been showing better aggression as of late. I do however like the multiple stories in the Knockouts division and pushing Tessa is a good idea.

Video on the X attacker.

The announcers accuse Petey Williams but Callis wants to let the investigation takes its course.

El Hijo Del Fantasma vs. Jake Crist

Jake stomps away in the corner and grabs a dragon sleeper to keep Fantasma in trouble. With that going nowhere, Jake goes with a choke in the corner until Fantasma grabs a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. A rollup gives Fantasma the pin at 3:20.

Rating: D. Another match that didn’t have time to go anywhere here and wasn’t exactly interesting in the first place. I remember being really into OVE when they debuted and were just doing cool moves but now they’re just heels who shout a lot and call it being villains. Fantasma isn’t much better but he’s a little bit ahead of either Crist.

Post match Dave Crist and Callihan come in to beat Fantasma down. They go for the mask and here’s Pentagon Jr. for the save. That’s kind of interesting.

X-Division Title: Matt Sydal vs. Brian Cage

Cage is challenging. Sydal circles him to start and chants a lot. There’s no contact in the first minute but things pick up in a hurry with Cage grabbing him by the head and lifting him up for a fall away slam, albeit after some human sized curls. Some corner clotheslines rock Sydal but here are Jimmy Jacobs and Kongo Kong.

The distraction lets Sydal knee Cage in the face and choke with his leg. Cage catches a boot though and grabs a capture suplex, followed by a superplex for two. The discus lariat misses so Cage settles for a buckle bomb. Sydal goes to the floor and Cage throws him back in, only to be sent into the steps by Kong to give Sydal the countout win at 6:04.

Rating: D. Well that wasn’t exactly surprising. Unfortunately it also wasn’t exactly good, engaging, entertaining or a match that managed to keep Kongo Kong off my TV. I’m not exactly thrilled by Kong vs. Cage, but I’m not exactly thrilled by much of anything involving Kong. Cage could win the title later, but I’d expect him to be more towards the World Title scene than anything else.

Someone (not shown but it doesn’t seem important) has been taken out by the X attacker and Sonjay Dutt accuses Petey Williams, who happens to be there. A cop arrests Petey…and then beats him down with the nightstick. The man (not named but it’s indy wrestler Kevin/Killer Kross) leaves an X card and says call the police to end the show. I’ve liked what I’ve seen from Kross before so this has some potential.

Overall Rating: D. Bleh indeed. This was a bunch of short matches, none of which were very good, and a lot of angle advancement which isn’t the most thrilling in the world. I really don’t need Dreamer and Kong being pushed into pay per view feuds but some of the other stuff does get my attention. Aries vs. Moose should be fun and the Knockouts division could be interesting, though they need another big time face in there. While not horrible, it certainly wasn’t good and nothing on it was particularly required viewing.

Results

Taya Valkyrie b. Rebel – Road To Valhalla

Cult of Lee b. KM/Fallah Bahh – Rollup to KM

Moose b. Eli Drake – Spear

Tessa Blanchard b. Kiera Hogan – Spinning faceplant into a chair

El Hijo Del Fantasma b. Jake Crist – Rollup
Matt Sydal b. Brian Cage via countout

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