Monday Night Raw – May 30, 2005: How Can We Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?
Monday Night Raw
Date: May 30, 2005
Location: Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
We’re on the way to One Night Stand and after last week, that is the most interesting thing on the show. At the same time though, we have to deal with a THIRD HHH vs. Batista World Title match on pay per view. Now some might have thought that two wins over HHH were enough, but the clear solution is to lock them inside the Cell. Let’s get to it.
Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.
We open with the Memorial Day tribute. Vince NEVER misses this thing.
Opening sequence.
Since it’s the unofficial start of Summer, we’ll start with Jerry Lawler running a Diva Swimsuit contest. We’ve got Christy, Candice Michelle, Maria, Victoria and Lillian Garcia for a pretty surprising entrant. Lillian gets to go first and Lawler is VERY surprised but here’s Viscera before she takes her towel off. Viscera likes the idea of her in the swimsuit so he carries her to the back, leaving us with the other four to compete instead.
They all go and Lawler picks Christy as the winner. That’s too much for Victoria, who beats the other three up in a heel turn. Lawler tries to intervene and gets kicked low hard, followed by the Widow’s Peak to Christy. I assure you this was in no way an excuse for women in swimsuits to bounce around.
Post break Victoria rants about being sick of Christy getting all of the attention when it should have been all about her.
Tag Team Titles: Heart Throbs vs. Hurricane/Rosey
The Throbs are challenging after beating William Regal and Tajiri in a Texas Tornado match on Heat. Hurricane gets double teamed to start but fights out of it pretty quickly as Lawler needs some ice. Or Stacy Keibler if she’s available. The beatdown is back on with Hurricane being sent into the corner as a STACY’S HOT chant begins. Romeo slugs away at Hurricane’s face but a reversed whip allows the hot tag to Rosey. Everything breaks down as Rosey cleans house, including going to the middle rope so Hurricane can hit a splash from his shoulders to retain.
Rating: D. Yeah Stacy isn’t exactly saving the team as this was little more than watching Hurricane get beaten up for a few minutes until Rosey came in to take over. The champs aren’t the most thrilling people to hold the titles but really, who else is there for the titles at the moment? This is a really low point in the belts’ history and it doesn’t look likely to get better anytime soon.
Here are some of the potential finalists in the Diva Search.
We look back at last week when HHH made his epic return after a week away, Ric Flair turned on Batista, and the Cell match was announced for Vengeance. Oh and Edge got pinned after being built up with the tournament for about a month, but we need to get back to Batista vs. HHH already.
A bandaged Batista isn’t happy that HHH isn’t here. The Cell is on though and he wants the contract signed next week. Muhammad Hassan and Daivari come in and demand to know why HHH is getting another title shot after losing at Wrestlemania and Backlash. Well he’s fired. Anyway, Batista gets in Hassan’s face and offers to shut him up. Bischoff makes the match. Daivari rants and gets slapped.
Intercontinental Title: Shelton Benjamin vs. Robert Conway vs. Sylvain Grenier
Shelton is defending. We get a La Resistance reunion so Shelton can get beaten down to start but Shelton Samoan drops Grenier without much effort. Conway takes over and the double teaming is back on, only to have the argument break out again. The fans want Jericho get but Shelton taking even more of a beating until Grenier is sent outside. A backbreaker gets two on Conway but Grenier is back in for the Hart Attack.
Cue the argument over the cover (take a shot) so Grenier knocks Conway outside. Benjamin knocks Conway outside to join him but Grenier is back up to block the springboard clothesline. That means another French fight with Conway’s neckbreaker getting two. The fans chant something I can’t understand (likely anti-French) until Shelton FINALLY saves us from this match that is actually taking place on Raw with a Stinger Splash to Conway. The spinwheel kick sets up the exploder to Grenier to retain the title.
Rating: D. This was longer than it needed to be and if they really think that having Conway vs. Grenier can keep the fans interested, they’re slipping into delusional territory. Shelton is in a weird place at the moment as he’s ready to move up to the main event scene but has to lose the title at some point. I’m not sure to whom, but it has to happen eventually.
It’s time for the Highlight Reel, with Jericho apologizing for almost being late but you should have seen the line at his autograph signing today. Anyway, next week is going to be a big deal as the first pick from Smackdown in the Draft will be his guest on the Highlight Reel. As for tonight, one of his guests is a monster with no remorse who takes great joy in the pain of others.
Enough about Lita though because here’s Kane. Jericho wants to know about Lita leaving Kane because that’s never happened to him before (Jericho: “In fact it’s usually the opposite.”). Is it because Kane’s equipment malfunctioned? That earns Jericho the hardest side stare I can remember so Jericho offers him some tissues, ice cream and a copy of Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood so Kane can have a good cry.
Edge pops up on screen for a reminder that he has speared both Kane and Kane’s wife in the last few weeks. Remember those emergency phone calls Lita made to her sister in the middle of the night? They were to Edge. Lita comes in to say she has officially filed for divorce so there is no more dealing with Kane’s sweaty body or his dumb laugh. Oh and he’s like a fourth grader in the bedroom (not going near that one). For a bonus, Lita flushes her wedding ring.
Quick question: so Lita went from hating Kane to caring for him and apparently living with him to an affair with Edge in the course of six months? Isn’t that a bit more complicated than it needs to be? Was there a reason she was staying with him at night when she would sneak off to call Edge? Or sleeping with him at all? Maybe she is just nuts.
Here’s Eric Bischoff to complain about one Night Stand. If he hates ECW style matches, why did he approve a tables match between Chris Benoit and Edge tonight? It’s because he wants us to see that you can do ECW any night of the week (or perhaps just on Mondays). Therefore, here’s one of his generals for the ECW invasion.
Edge vs. Chris Benoit
Tables match with Bischoff on commentary. They slug it out in the corner to start as you can hear the gleam in Bischoff’s voice as he rips on ECW. Benoit snaps off a suplex and chops away some more to send Edge outside. The first table is loaded up but Benoit dives onto Edge as we take a break.
Back with Benoit taking over and going for the Sharpshooter as Lawler talks about an upcoming ECW magazine. Bischoff: “I would encourage no one to buy that!” The Sharpshooter doesn’t work so Edge goes for the table again, only to have it baseball slidden into his face. Benoit crotches Edge on the bottom rope and pulls on the legs a bit before suplexing him back inside.
Edge gets crotched on the top as well and it’s another baseball slide to take it outside again. A table is brought in but Lita moves it out of the way of as Benoit hits the superplex. The briefcase is brought in so Benoit hits a German suplex to send it flying. Lita breaks up the Swan Dive through the table so Bischoff sends down Maven and Tomko (what a pair) to fight Benoit. Snitsky runs out too and the four on one beatdown sets up a powerbomb through the table to give Edge the win.
Rating: C+. These two always work well together and they did it again here. They managed to cover a pair of stories at once here as Edge gets a boost after last week’s loss and also pushed the ECW show. That’s becoming the top story around here and it feels like it should be pretty cool. Having Bischoff and Vince (at least for a week) involved make it more important and that’s the attention it should get.
Just because it’s so important, here’s HHH’s return to attack Batista last week.
HHH joins us from WWE Studios to talk about how this is his company and Batista is just having some fun. Last week he beat Batista, so now the Animal can become more violent or more submissive. Batista was scared last week and that is the first step. The final step is inside the Cell, where HHH ends careers.
Ask Kevin Nash (wrestled another cage match later that year) or Mick Foley (wrestled in the main event of Wrestlemania about six weeks later). Batista should fear HHH instead of the Cell because HHH likes being inside there. HHH is taking a piece of him in the Cell, plus the title. This was more of your usual HHH trying to be epic and making it all about himself again, because that’s what Raw needs to be about.
Here’s Chris Masters for the Masterlock Challenge for $10,000 American (because Canadian money is worthless you see). This week, the challenge is for anyone in the locker room because he wants some real competition. Cue Val Venis to answer, which is cool with Masters. His roommate in college had all of Val’s movies, which Val seems to appreciate. They’re ready to go but Masters beats him up before putting on the Masterlock. Val almost breaks it but gets taken down anyway.
Here’s Christian for a chat. Christian is happy to be back in Canada but wants to talk about everyone who could be coming over from Smackdown. What they don’t have though is a Canadian, so maybe he should head over there. And that’s it.
Muhammad Hassan vs. Batista
Non-title. Hassan tries to jump him before the bell and gets elbowed in the face for his efforts. That’s enough to send Hassan outside so Batista sends him right back inside. This time Hassan gets in a kick to the head and a neckbreaker gets two. The chinlock doesn’t last long as Batista slams him down for the breather. Batista gets in the spinebuster but has to deal with an invading Hassan, including a belt shot to bust him open. Stomping and choking in the corner are enough for the DQ to keep Hassan undefeated.
Rating: D+. This is a good example of booking themselves into something close to a corner but knowing how to get out of it. The DQ finish may be a bit annoying but it’s exactly the way to go here to keep everyone in good shape and make Batista look angry going into the Cell. It’s rather nice to see them showing some intelligence for a change, which you don’t get enough of today.
Post match Batista wrecks Hassan to bust him open as well. The Batista Bomb plants Daivari and Hassan gets one of his own. Batista poses over their bloodied bodies to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. Egads this was bad and I’m not sure if there was one big thing that caused the whole thing. The HHH vs. Batista stuff sounds like something that is just happening because HHH demanded that it should and we don’t move on until he says we do. Other than that, the wrestling was mostly terrible and the only thing I want to see at the moment is the ECW invasion. They just need to fix something and find an interesting story already, but that isn’t going to matter as long as HHH won’t just go away for a bit.
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