Dark – December 4, 2019: Something Witty About Dark
IMG Credit: AEW
Dark
Date: December 3, 2019
Location: Sears Center Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Excalibur, Nyla Rose
Hosts: Tony Schiavone, Dasha Gonzales
I’m not sure what to expect from here and that is one of the best things you can say about a show like this. I know it’s going to be a collection of matches, but it’s kind of nice to see the wrestlers getting out there and showing what they can do without the storylines to keep things in place. That can be a bad thing too, which is what makes the show a bit more interesting. Let’s get to it.
Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.
We open with a recap of Maxwell Jacob Friedman winning the Dynamite Diamond and Diamond Dallas Page almost getting in a fight with Friedman’s bodyguard Wardlow.
Shanna will not be on commentary after an attack at the hands of Nyla Rose, who will be taking her place.
Brandon Cutler vs. Jimmy Havoc
They start with the wrestling as Havoc crucifixes him for two and grabs a wristlock. Cutler can’t get his own armbar as Havoc bites the arm, as he tends to do. A right hand to the face rocks Cutler again so he moonsaults over Havoc and hits a flying forearm as Excalibur goes into a rather long run on sentence. Havoc bails to the floor and grabs the staple gun to prevent a dive.
Back in and a low blow keeps Cutler in trouble, meaning it’s back to the ear for more biting. There’s a poke to the eye for a bonus, setting up a suplex into the corner for two. The Acid Rainmaker is broken up so Havoc bites him again, with Rose saying it’s because of some new cologne. Havoc hits a double stomp to the chest but Cutler sweeps the leg, setting up a legdrop to the apron. A springboard elbow gives Cutler two but it’s the Acid Rainmaker to give Havoc the pin at 7:55.
Rating: C-. In a way this was more effective for Havoc than most of the hardcore stuff because there is only so much you can get out of all the same stuff every time. Havoc isn’t someone who is going to get a lot of wins so putting him out there like this is as good as you’re going to get. It was more or less a squash, which is about all you can do with Cutler, who isn’t going to win anything of note.
Post match Havoc staples a $10,000 check to Cutler’s head.
In the back, Cutler yells at Havoc and is told that he’s being fined. Havoc says he’s a villain so he doesn’t care about the $10,000 fines for each use of the staple gun. Makes sense in a way.
Dark Order recruitment vignette.
Video on the Blade/Butcher/Bunny debuting and attacking Tony.
Shawn Spears vs. Sonny Kiss
Tully Blanchard is here with Spears. Kiss backflips out of a wristlock to start and drops into the splits as Spears isn’t sure what to do here. After knocking Kiss down, Spears gets in some dancing of his own, with the fans giving it a TEN. Kiss gets in a knockdown of his own and hits a splits legdrop, only to get knocked outside. Back in and the Death Valley Driver finishes Kiss at 3:59.
Rating: D+. Total squash here and that is the best thing it could have been. The best sign out of the whole thing is Kiss being left as a comedy jobber. A lot of fans were worried about less serious characters like Kiss being pushed to the top of the card but that has not been the case and it is quite the relief.
Post match Spears and Blanchard spike piledriver Kiss on the floor.
We look at Dustin Rhodes’ interview being interrupted and a brawl erupting.
We see Christopher Daniels jumping the Lucha Bros, setting up Daniels vs. Pentagon Jr. on Dynamite.
We look at the end of Chris Jericho vs. Scorpio Sky with Jericho retaining the title and being confronted by Jon Moxley as a result.
Here’s where Dynamite is coming.
We go to a documentary feature called Jurassic Planet, featuring a narrator talking about Jungle Boy in the wild. Luchasaurus is seen eating some leaves and the two form a friendship….before running into the dancing Marko Stunt. They have something here and it doesn’t involve Stunt.
Jurassic Express vs. Santana and Ortiz
That name sounds better than Proud and Powerful and they use it enough so I’m going with it. Santana and Jungle Boy start things off with Santana taking him into the corner for a somewhat insulting chop. They hit the mat and fight over a wristlock until Boy snaps off a hurricanrana. A dropkick sends Santana into the corner so Marko can come in, allowing Boy to spear him into the corner.
That leaves Stunt in the ring though and it’s a dropkick into a German suplex to knock him silly. A belly to back suplex lets Santana pose and we get the delayed vertical suplex with a few trades back and forth. Stunt eventually reverses into a small package for two on Santana but Ortiz is right back in with a Falcon Arrow.
Everything breaks down and Santana and Ortiz ram them together to take over again. Jurassic Express is sat in some chairs and Cannonballed right back out of them for the big crash. Back in and Stunt has to crawl to the rope to escape the Boston crab. That’s enough for the tag back to Boy and a high crossbody gets two on Ortiz.
A sunset flip into a jackknife cover gives Santana two with Stunt diving off the top for the save. Stunt launches off of Boy’s back for a running DDT and Boy lifts Santana up onto his shoulder. That lets Stunt come off the top with a flipping cutter into a spinning Big Ending for two and the fans are getting into the kickouts. Boy gets sent to the floor though and it’s a powerbomb into kick to the face from Santana for the pin on Stunt at 13:24.
Rating: C. You know every complaint that I’ve had about Stunt so far? It’s the exact same thing here. I can’t get around how small he is as he’s more or less a wrestling mascot with the stupid dancing over and over. Yes the fans cheer for him, but he was a novelty act at first and the novelty has worn off in a hurry.
Post match here’s Sammy Guevara for the beatdown but it’s Luchasaurus coming out for the save. The chokeslam into the standing moonsault crushes Ortiz but here’s Jake Hager. They slug it out until the Inner Circle gets up to beat Luchasaurus down, only to have the Young Bucks come in for the save. Luchasaurus and Boy throw Stunt through the air for a Canadian Destroyer.
Tony and Dasha wrap things up.
Overall Rating: C-. I’m not sure what was up with them on this night but dang it wasn’t exactly working. Last week’s Dynamite wasn’t great and this show was one of the weaker Darks they’ve aired yet. The ending helped, but aside from that, which will likely be shown on Dynamite, there was nothing to see here and that is becoming more of a trend on Dark. It isn’t a bad show, but it’s one I don’t think about after it’s done and it wouldn’t hurt much if it was dropped. Oh and keep Rose FAR away from commentary. She had a few decent moments but she was much more annoying than anything else.
Results
Jimmy Havoc b. Brandon Cutler – Acid Rainmaker
Shawn Spears b. Sonny Kiss – Death Valley Driver
Santana and Ortiz b. Jurassic Express – Kick to Stunt’s head
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