Dark – December 10, 2019: Figure Things Out

Dark
Date: December 10, 2019
Location: State Farm Center, Champaign, Illinois
Commentators: Excalibur, Chuck Taylor, Orange Cassidy
Hosts: Dasha Gonzalez, Tony Schiavone

It’s another week as we get closer to the end of the year. The card is going to be your usual mystery bag as the show is likely to get even longer. Rather than just being a collection of dark matches (which aren’t dark as they are being filmed and aired but that isn’t the point). Instead it’s just a toned down Dynamite, which doesn’t work as well when it’s the day before next week’s show. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening recap.

The announcers run down the card.

Scorpio Sky vs. Jimmy Havoc vs. Peter Avalon

Havoc goes straight for the weapons to start so Sky knocks him down before the staple gun can be brought in. That lets Sky hit a spinning crossbody for two on Avalon as Havoc gets inside again. Havoc sends Sky into the corner and hits a sitout implant DDT on Avalon. Sky fights back but Avalon knocks him down as well, meaning it’s time for the double teaming.

That’s fine with Sky, who suplexes Avalon onto Havoc and then dives onto both of them again. With Avalon down on the floor, Havoc hits a Landslide for two on Sky. It’s staple gun time but Avalon knocks it out of Havoc’s hand and gets his own two. Sky throws Havoc outside though and TKOs Avalon for the pin at 6:30.

Rating: C-. Just a match here and a way to get Sky back on the winning track, even though the title should be more than enough to do just that. Avalon taking the fall was of course the right way to go as Havoc has a lot more value than an average wrestler with a bad gimmick. This would have been fine as a dark match, but instead it’s on TV as something completely forgettable, much like a lot of this show.

Dark Order initiation video.

From Dynamite.

Here’s Chris Jericho, flanked by Jake Hager, for a chat. After shilling A Little Bit Of The Bubbly, Jericho pulls out a list….and the fans cheer. Actually they need to get out of 2016 because this is THE LEXICON OF LE CHAMPION! Anyway he has to wrestle one more time in two weeks to wrap up the year but he has some people he won’t wrestle:

Jon Moxley, Cody (“Because he can’t.”), the Young Bucks, Papa Buck, Uncle Buck, Buck Owens, Moxley, Hangman Page, Diamond Dallas Page, Paige, Moxley, Scorpio Sky, 2 Cold Scorpio, Any member of the Scorpions, Moxley, Michael Nakazawa, Kenny Omega, Kenny Ortega, Kenny Shields, Kenny Chesney, Kenny from South Park, Moxley, the chubby guy with the popcorn in the fifth row, the ugly guy with the dumb glasses in the third row, Moxley, Darby Allin, Rick Allen, Alan Jones (AJ Styles), Moxley, Evil Uno, Angry Dos, Hateful Tres, Moxley, Marty…..and here’s the Jurassic Express to interrupt.

Jericho says he wasn’t finished because dinosaurs and little children were up next. Luchasaurus roars at him and then speaks normally, bringing up that he can talk and has a degree in Medieval History. It’s no surprise that dinosaurs are on the list because they’ve been marginalized for 65 million years. Yes Marko is small, but he’s more of a man than Jericho will ever be. That leaves Jungle Boy, who Jericho dubs “a piece of s***”. Jericho doesn’t think Boy could last ten minutes with him, so Boy takes the mic and says he’ll take Jericho out. The fight is on with Hager and Jericho bailing.

Jurassic Express vs. John Silver/Alex Reynolds

Marko Stunt and Luchasaurus for the Express here. Luchasaurus growls Reynolds into the corner so it’s off to Silver, whose chop is swatted away. The monster starts kicking away so it’s off to Stunt to miss a charge in the corner. A running knee gets two on Silver but Reynolds breaks up the dive. Silver’s superkick gets two and Reynolds stands on Stunt’s hair as it is rather cathartic to see Stunt get hurt.

A gorilla press into a cutter gets two on Stunt but he’s fine enough to small package Reynolds for the same. Stunt can’t kick him away so it’s a wheelbarrow roll to get over to Luchasaurus instead. House is cleaned in a hurry (as expected) and there’s the double chokeslam. A powerbomb/top rope flip neckbreaker combination finishes Reynolds at 6:18.

Rating: C. Just a step above a squash here and there is some quality Stunt damage in there as well. Sometimes you just need to see a smaller guy get beaten up to entertain you a bit. That’s what we got here, plus the awesome Luchasaurus getting to wreck people. It’s a fine enough match, but just get back to Luchasaurus and Jungle Boy already.

We look at the current state of/recent events in the women’s division, including Nyla Rose being suspended for attacking a referee.

From Dynamite.

Post match here are Awesome Kong and Brandi Rhodes to dub themselves the Nightmare Collective, saying that they do the jobs no one wants to do. Kris is all up in her business and that may give Kris an opportunity. Brandi tells Kris to pledge herself to the Nightmare Collective right now but before there’s a yes, Kong gets in Kris’ face. A female fan at ringside offers to pledge and security lets her come to ringside. She lets Kong cut off her hair and that’s that. No answer from Kris, as she doesn’t seem interested in joining the newest cult/faction.

We get a profile on Big Swole, whose name means a big personality. She had emergency surgery in 2008 and actually died but had to be brought back to life. Then she had a daughter and has taught her that she needs to live every day because you never know when it might end.

Here are the women’s rankings:

5. Kris Stadtlander

4. Britt Baker

3. Emi Sakura

2. Nyla Rose

1. Hikaru Shida

Christopher Daniels was banged up and is furious at hurting himself. He came out early and got beaten up by Pentagon Jr. Daniels isn’t done with him.

We get the explanation from the Bunny of why the Butcher and the Bunny attacked Cody.

From Dynamite.

Here’s Cody for a chat. He talks about how he isn’t allowed to challenge for the World Title again but everything his gone nuts around here. His brother and the Young Bucks are in a blood feud with Santana and Ortiz, his wife has joined forces with a monster who steals women’s hair and then there’s the Butcher and the Blade. If they wanted a match with him, all they had to do was ask and they can even choose his partner.

That brings him to Maxwell Jacob Friedman, who had no business to throw in the towel at Full Gear. There are a lot of things people can criticize about MJF. He’s short, he might wear a fake scarf, and he does the worst Cross Rhodes in wrestling. Cody: “At least they’re botching it on two channels now.” Or maybe it’s the fact that he’s an NWO low rent Chris Jericho. But MJF won’t fight him, so Cody is willing to sweeten the pot.

Cody offers the keys to his Ford Black Ops (Google says it costs about $88,500), his watch from Tony Khan, and his Louis Vuitton shoes. If that’s not MJF’s speed, Cody brings out a briefcase with about $50,000 cash. To prove it’s real, he gives a kid in the front row $100 and the kid looks….confused? Anyway, come play ball with him and name your price. Cody is a great promo, NXT/WWE shot aside.

We get MJF’s response, where he announces that he hired the Butcher and the Blade to jump Cody, which somehow didn’t make Dynamite.

Video on the six man tag opener from Dynamite.

Here’s where Dynamite is coming.

Buy a Little Bit Of The Bubbly!

Kenny Omega vs. Kip Sabian

Sabian has Penelope Ford in his corner. They fight on the mat to start with Omega tripping him a few times to take over. Omega misses a big chop so they run the ropes, with Kenny plowing through him for two. A head fake lets Omega chop away in the corner and some more knock Sabian off the top to the floor. Ford offers a distraction though, allowing Sabian to hurricanrana him to the floor.

Ford’s hurricanrana makes it worse and Sabian keeps it up with a hard whip into the corner. A hanging swinging neckbreaker gets two on Omega but he Hulks Up for the slugout. Omega clotheslines him down and You Can’t Escape gets two. Sabian is right back with a springboard tornado DDT for two and Omega is sent to the apron. Ford grabs the leg but Omega is back with a powerbomb.

The running knee to the back of the head rocks Sabian again but he pulls Aubrey Edwards in the way of the V Trigger. Omega pulls up, allowing Ford to come in for a Stunner so Sabian can get two off a kick to the chest. The V Trigger into the snapdragon so Ford comes in again, only to get thrown into Sabian. A Tiger Driver 98 gets two on Sabian and it’s another running knee to the back of the head, setting up the One Winged Angel for the pin at 14:21.

Rating: B-. This was the kind of win that Omega needs: where he has to sweat a bit but is never in any real danger. At the end of the day, he is going to be the big deal going forward, as he should be, and it makes sense to build him up with wins like this. Ford continues to have more star power than she knows what to do with but she almost never gets to do anything significant. Anyway, fine match here for a Dark main event.

Overall Rating: C. This show hasn’t been around very long but it has already started to evolve. Instead of just a collection of matches, the show is also a recap/backstage show. That makes it a bit longer than it needs to be though, as it is now regularly over an hour, and in this case over an hour and fifteen minutes. AEW isn’t at the point where they need to have that much TV time yet and it might be better to cut this by about fifteen to twenty minutes. The fans who are watching this show are already watching Dynamite so why show them the same things again? It’s still good, but tighten things up a bit.

Results

Scorpio Sky b. Jimmy Havoc and Peter Avalon – TKO to Avalon

Jurassic Express b. John Silver/Alex Reynolds – Powerbomb/top rope flip neckbreaker combination to Reynolds

Kenny Omega b. Kip Sabian – One Winged Angel

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

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