Monday Night Raw – August 9, 1993: Even That Was Boring

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 9, 1993
Location: Castle Recreation Center, Alexandria Bay, New York
Attendance: 1,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan, Randy Savage

We are three weeks away from Summerslam and unfortunately that means we have to deal with more of Lex Luger Is Awesome Despite Not Wrestling. This week it’s the contract signing between Luger and Yokozuna, because that’s a step up in interest. Other than that, it’s the in-ring debuts of the Heavenly Bodies and….the Macho Midget. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Commentary runs down the card.

Tatanka vs. Mr. Hughes

Hughes, with Harvey Wippleman, jumps him from behind as we hear about Undertaker wanting to get his hand son Hughes to continue their rather forgettable feud. The slow beating continues but Tatanka comes back with a running crossbody for two. Back up and Hughes pulls him down by the hair and adds an ax handle to the back to take over. We take a break and come back with Hughes cranking on the neck. Tatanka fights up and starts firing off the chops, only to be sent over the top. Hughes goes out to get him….but takes too long and only Tatanka beats the count.

Rating: C. Yeah this wasn’t exactly great stuff and there was only so much to be expected. Hughes was pretty much exactly what he was for years. Tatanka had to steal a win rather than get something definitive. In theory that is so Undertaker can get the big win over Hughes, but it makes me wonder why this match was set up in the first place.

Post match Tatanka goes after Wippleman but Hughes decks him with Undertaker’s urn. He even leaves a black wreath as a present.

We get part two of the Who Is Lex Luger series. This time he talks about being a football star but getting thrown out of college due to disciplinary problems. Then he became a pro despite being told not to and wound up winning the Grey Cup in Canada. After playing in the NFL and the USFL, he did finish school. He was thinking about law school but then went into wrestling instead. It is indeed more interesting to hear him talking about wrestling instead of watching him wrestle.

Bushwhackers/Macho Midget vs. Brooklyn Brawler/Blake Beverly/Little Louie

Please, let it be sho….never mind. Macho dances to start and the villains just kind of blankly stare. Blake drives Luke into the corner to start but everything breaks down and we get a big circle bite. Macho dropkicks Louie to the floor and the good guys get to march around the ring. We settle down to Louie shoving Macho down before we go to a criss cross.

As you might expect, Savage stops running and just watches as Louie wears down. Butch comes in for a double noggin knocker before it’s back to Macho vs. Louie. Macho fights off the mat and it’s time to dance. The not hot tag brings in Butch to clean house, with the Battering Ram hitting the Brawler. Instead Macho hits a top rope splash for the pin.

Rating: D. Oh just no. This was exactly what you would have expected and the best thing about it is that it wasn’t even seven minutes long. There is only so much that you can get out of this kind of, I beg your pardon, comedy, as it was the Bushwhackers (still around somehow) and a guy who had nothing to do with them vs. a mixture of villains. Pretty bad stuff here, but what else were you expecting?

And now, we get the contract signing between Lex Luger and Yokozuna, with quite the twist as Jim Cornette is revealed as Yokozuna’s manager. Er sorry, American spokesman. Cornette puts over the people of Japan and looks at the contract, as handed over by Jack Tunney. Luger comes to the ring in a suit, because if there’s one thing you don’t want to show off with Luger, it’s his physique.

They both sign rather quickly, with Cornette pointing out that it is Luger’s ONLY title shot. Luger says he only needs one shot and he’ll be on the Lex Express until he gets to Summerslam. With sweat FLOWING down his face, Luger promises to have all of the people in his corner in the name of the USA. Luger was not exactly feeling this fired up promo here and they didn’t even get in a fight. Just in case this feud could have gotten worse.

Razor Ramon vs. Dan Dubiel

Ramon takes him into the corner and then sends him flying right back out of it. The fall away slam lets Ramon stomp away and we hit the abdominal stretch. The belly to back superplex into the Razor’s Edge finishes fast.

It’s the Summerslam Report with Gene Okerlund just running down the card.

Heavenly Bodies vs. Bobby Who/Mike Bucci

Jim Cornette is here with the Bodies (Tom Prichard/Jimmy Del Ray). Prichard drives Who into the corner and then takes him down for a quick spank. Del Ray sneaks in from behind with a superkick to send Who into a DDT. Vince reads the description of the movie of the week as Del Ray blatantly calls a spot and then runs Bucci over. A double suplex sets up Del Ray’s moonsault press for the pin. Bucci would later be known as Nova/Simon Dean so he certainly had a career.

Post match Cornette calls out the Steiners, saying the Bodies want the Tag Team Titles.

The Summerslam Spectacular is coming in two weeks.

Overall Rating: D+. This was pretty terrible, with a boring contract signing, an unfunny comedy match and pretty much a grand total of nothing worth seeing throughout the show. Summerslam needs to get here already so we can move on to pretty much anything else. The Luger vs. Yokozuna feud is dying more and more every week and it can’t end soon enough. Pretty lame show here, and unfortunately it could just get worse.

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