Impact Wrestling – November 23, 2023: Goofy Laziness

Impact Wrestling
Date: November 23, 2023
Hosts: Matthew Rehwoldt, Tom Hannifan

This is another special show, in this case because of Thanksgiving. Impact has a history of looking back at some, ahem, classic Thanksgiving moments of the years and that is likely going to involve a bunch of Turkey Suit matches. There are worse traditions out there and it’s just goofy fun. Let’s get to it.

The hosts welcome us to the show and we are indeed looking at great Thanksgiving moments over the years.

From 2008.

Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Rhino vs. Alex Shelley

Bashir is X-Division Champion and helps Shelley for a double team on Rhino. That goes nowhere as Rhyno easily slugs both of them away and scores with a belly to belly for two on Bashir. Clipped to Rhino getting double teamed again but the others keep getting in an argument over scoring the pin (and a $25,000 prize). Bashir rolls Shelley up for two but gets caught in a super atomic drop. Rhino uses the distraction to Gore Shelley for the pin at 2:48 shown.

Post match, Mick Foley tells Shelley he has to put the suit on but Shelley doesn’t want to. See, the women won’t be happy and that would hurt the ratings. That’s cool with Foley, but Shelley is fired if he doesn’t do it. Shelley finally puts it on and Foley makes gibblet jokes. Foley: “Is that a gizzard in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” The suit goes on and more jokes are made. If this is the case, I can go with it more than holding a regular show on Thanksgiving.

We do have some 2023 material as well.

Good Hands/Champagne Singh/Jai Vidal vs. PCO/Johnny Swinger/Jake Something/Mike Bailey

Gravy Train Turkey Trot, meaning whomever loses the fall has to wear the turkey suit. Skyler shoulders Bailey down to start before handing it off to Hotch, who gets kicked in the head over and over. Swinger comes in but gets cheap shotted by Skyler, who gets rolled up for a fast two. It’s off to Singh to beat on Swinger as the villains keep tagging out to avoid the threat of the turkey suit.

Something comes in so Vidal….maybe flirts with him, earning a right hand to the face. Something cleans house and powerbombs Vidal over the top onto a pile on the floor. The big Something dive drops them again but the Good Hands and Singh manage to knock PCO down. That lasts all of two seconds as it’s a chokeslam into the PCOsault to finish Vidal at 5:14.

Rating: C. The match was nothing of note of course but this is one of the few traditions that Impact has which does feel like a fun idea. It’s completely goofy fun and they don’t present it as anything else. Vidal can play a fine enough post match goof and he got pinned by a monster like PCO. Nothing wrong with this and it’s once a year.

Post match Vidal won’t do it so Gisele Shaw and Savannah Evans force him to wear the suit for the sake of keeping the team together.

From 2016.

Grado vs. Robbie E.

They slug it out to start with Grado getting the better of it off the snap jabs. A double clothesline puts both guys down as this is a little less funny than I was expecting. Robbie grabs a rollup for the pin at 2:39.

Aiden O’Shea comes out to make Grado put on the suit and dancing ensues.

From 2013.

Here are all of the winners of the matches tonight plus Velvet who is with Sabin. Roode points this out and Sabin throws Velvet out. Bobby asks everyone what they’re thankful for. Bad Influence is thankful for their intelligence and large endowment. Kaz is thankful that Park isn’t here to drink the gravy or fornicate with the pumpkin pie. Gail is thankful for being the prettiest and most dominant Knockout in the history of the company. Oh and her family too.

Sabin is thankful for his hair, being the best X-Division Champion ever and Velvet Sky. The Bro Mans are thankful for Mr. O Phil Heath, Zema Ion (officially part of the team) and for being the best team ever. Bad Influence: “I’m not sure about that.” Roode says the real Thanksgiving was last month in Canada and the fans will be thankful when he becomes the next champion.

It’s time to eat but here’s Angle to interrupt. He sees a ring full of turkeys, which are fighting words for the people in there. Roode challenges him to a fight which Angle accepts, and here’s his backup. Fernum and Barnes are still in the turkey suits. You can fill in the blanks yourself here: bad guys are destroyed, food is everywhere, Spud panics, turkeys fly. The good guys, Velvet and ODB celebrate to end the show.

From 2017.

Team Edwards vs. Team Adonis

Eddie Edwards, Garza Jr., Allie, Fallah Bahh, Richard Justice
Chris Adonis, Caleb Konley, Laurel Van Ness, KM, El Hijo Del Fantasma

The loser of the fall wears a turkey suit and there’s food at ringside, along with Eli Drake. We’re not ready yet though as the teams sit down at the food tables as Drake insists that everyone has to put on the suit if they lose. He has a statement for JB to read, which pretty much just says everyone play nice.

Justice sticks his finger in Konley’s mouth to start and gets two off a rollup. Laurel comes in and jumps on Justice’s back so it’s off to the women for a change. KM and Bahh are up next with some shots to Bahh’s head taking us to a break. Back with Bahh crossbodying KM and bringing in Garza….WHO TAKES OFF HIS PANTS! I’m rather thankful.

Garza gets punched down though and it’s time for the heel beatdown. Adonis comes in for two off a legdrop and it’s time for a bearhug (on a guy with a bad shoulder). That goes nowhere and the hot tag brings in Eddie to clean house. Everything breaks down in a hurry and KM gets crushed between Justice and Bahh.

We get the big crash to the floor and Justice falls off the apron, only to be caught without much effort. Allie dives onto everyone to break up the pile and everyone is down. Back in and Adonis can’t grab the Adonis Lock, allowing Eddie to roll him up for the pin at 16:04, meaning Adonis gets to wear the suit.

Rating: C-. Oh what were you expecting here? This was all in good fun and nothing more than a comedy match. The match was just there for the sake of having a one off match for a holiday special and as a result, it’s really hard to be harsh on it. Adonis having to wear the suit is fine and it continues a (rather goofy) tradition. It wasn’t anything good, but it’s perfectly harmless.

Post break, Adonis refuses to wear the suit. Security actually stops him as the referee holds up the suit like an executioner’s ax. After a lot of persuading and a GOBBLE GOBBLE (One of us?) chant, Adonis finally puts it on and walks around a bit. Adonis isn’t cool with the chants though and the required food fight, with Adonis hitting Drake in the face with a pie, ends the show. This was actually entertaining as they just went with the simple comedy and it worked perfectly well.

From 2007.

Samoa Joe vs. AJ Styles vs. Chris Sabin

This is the finals of the Turkey Bowl, with the winner getting $25,000 and the loser wearing the turkey suit. Joe and Sabin double team Styles to start and knock him to the floor. That leaves Sabin to take Joe down but a kick misses, giving us a staredown. Styles gets knocked to the floor again and we take a break.

Back with Sabin charging into a hot shot but Joe comes back in to punch Styles in the face. Styles breaks up the suicide elbow to Sabin though, meaning Joe punches him in the face some more. The drop down into a dropkick hits Joe and we take a break. Back again with Joe countering the springboard moonsault into an Air Raid Crash with Sabin having to make a save.

We take another break and come back again with Sabin hitting a springboard DDT to drop Joe. That earns Sabin a trip to the floor but Styles Peles Joe. The charge into the corner only hits kick to the face though, allowing Joe to hit the Muscle Buster for the pin at 9:33 shown (of the nearly thirty minute match).

Rating: B-. Well it seemed to be a good match, at least from what we saw of the thing. Joe was on another planet at this point and Styles was in his weird phase as Angle’s wacky goon, but it isn’t like he was going to be awful in the ring. Throw in a very talented Sabin and of course this was going to work, even if we missed almost twenty minutes.

Post match we cut to a livid Kurt Angle (AJ’s boss), storming out of his own Thanksgiving dinner. Back in the arena, AJ won’t put the suit on so here is Jim Cornette to order him to do it. After some coaxing, Styles (very slowly) puts the suit on so Tomko and Kurt come out to yell. Samoa Joe and the Outsiders come out to laugh at Angle and pals, meaning the brawl is on. The bad guys are cleared out, with Eric Young coming in to add a turkey leg to Angle to wrap things up. Then Hall got fired and Joe was given a live mic at the pay per view where he went on an all time rant against a lot of people.

Overall Rating: D+. Normally I have a good time with this show, as it’s the definition of goofy harmless fun. Then I went to pull some of the matches from previous reviews and realized that three out of the five matches on this show were on last year’s show, including the exact same main event and post match segment to end the show. They’ve been doing this for over fifteen years and they had to recycle that much in a year? Come on already and put in some more effort than that.

Results
PCO/Johnny Swinger/Jake Something/Mike Bailey b. Good Hands/Jai Vidal/Champagne Singh – PCOsault to Vidal

 

 

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