Battle Of The WWF Superstars: Exactly. What? (Includes Full Video)
Battle Of The WWF Superstars
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan, Lord Alfred Hayes, Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura, Hillbilly Jim
Host: Sean Mooney
This is a Coliseum Video from around 1990, which is quite the fun time from the company. I remember seeing this in the video store as a kid so I’m sure I’ve seen it a few times before, though I don’t remember a single thing about it. That often makes for the best possible option as I’m basically coming into it blind. Just please don’t be bad. Let’s get to it.
Sean Mooney welcomes us to the show, which has a theme of war, meaning Mooney is in camouflage and a helmet. He hopes we need to avoid the agony of defeat and runs down the card (in what sounds like a Patton impression).
Rhythm And Blues (with Jimmy Hart) promise a lot of singing, dancing and guitaring.
The Bushwhackers say….oh pretty much exactly what you would expect them to say about Rhythm And Blues.
From New York City, New York, April 30, 1990.
Rhythm And Blues vs. Bushwhackers
Jimmy Hart is here as well. Luke (still in his hat) works on Honky Tonk Man’s arm to start as commentary tries to figure out how the Bushwhackers are related. Honky Tonk Man fights back and ax handles Luke on the ropes, only to get ax handled in the back. Butch makes things serious by going after Honky Tonk Man’s hair before grabbing the mic and calling him GREASEBALL. Or is he talking about Valentine?
Either way the villains go to leave but Hart (in an Earthquake jacket rather than a Rhythm And Blues jacket) calls them back. Valentine comes back in to elbow Luke down and it’s time for some strutting. Butch comes back in for some double clotheslines and it’s time for more whacking. Honky Tonk Man takes Butch into the corner though and it’s time to start the slow beating but we get the nearly required heel collision. Monsoon: “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make a duck out of him.” Heenan: “Exactly. What?”
A clothesline puts Luke down though and it’s time to take turns with various forearms. Honky Tonk Man’s fist drop sets up the chinlock, with Butch getting to play cheerleader. Valentine tries to come in to cut off the comeback but hits Honky Tonk Man by mistake. Butch comes in to clean house and everything breaks down, with Luke chasing Honky Tonk Man to the back with a chair. Unfortunately Valentine is the only one left in the ring and the Bushwhackers are counted out at 13:03.
Rating: D+. One of the points of a tag match starting things off is to have some fun, usually in a fast paced style. Instead, this went long, wasn’t any good, and ended with a lame countout. It’s not like this was some red hot feud or anything. You really didn’t have a Rockers match laying around somewhere instead?
Post match Valentine beats on Butch some more until Luke makes the save with the chair. Of note, Hart celebrating the win is one of the reasons he was so good at his job. In theory, Hart should be especially happy because his team won and therefore they get more money. That’s a logical reaction for him and he sold it perfectly.
Mooney explains the tournament (that voice he’s doing is getting really annoying) for the vacant Intercontinental Title, as Ultimate Warrior had to vacate the belt after winning the WWF Title. We skip the first two rounds and arrive at the finals.
From Austin Texas, April 23, 1990. This is the tournament final, which of course was taped one day before the last match of the first round. Wrestling is weird.
Intercontinental Title: Mr. Perfect vs. Tito Santana
For the vacant title and commentary argues about who would be the favorite. Ventura: “You and I come from different sides of the street.” That’s one way to put it. Perfect grabs an early waistlock so Santana elbows him in the face, much to Ventura’s annoyance. They go to the mat with Santana working on the arm, which Ventura says is Perfect testing how far Santana will go with the rule breaking.
Santana knocks him outside before throwing him back inside for the slingshot shoulder. The armbarring continues, with even Ventura admitting that it’s a nice one. That’s broken up so they run the ropes, with Perfect tripping him out to the floor for a crash. Naturally this leads to an argument over whether that was luck or skill, because that’s what Ventura and McMahon would do.
A quick sunset flip gives Santana two so Perfect clotheslines him neck first into the ropes (ouch). Santana is fine enough to crotch him on the post and wrap the leg around the post. Back in and Santana starts on the leg, including wrapping it around the rope. Cue Bobby Heenan as Santana tries the Figure Four, which is reversed into a small package for two. Heenan even gets on the apron for a distraction and a small package gives Perfect the pin and the title at 7:31.
Rating: B-. Shockingly, two talented wrestlers have a good match, with the stakes making it all the better. Perfect was a great choice for the title, as he had been built up for a long time and needed something to cement him as a star. At the same time, Santana was the ideal choice for him to beat, as he was just good enough to feel like a serious threat to take the title as well.
Post match Perfect introduces Heenan as his new champion. Why he has an old tag belt instead of the Intercontinental Title isn’t clear.
Dusty Rhodes talks about his daughter laying her head on his chest and hearing the heartbeat of America. You might want to get that checked.
From New York City, New York, February 19, 1990.
Dusty Rhodes vs. Akeem
Sapphire and Slick are here too, with Sapphire knocking him out to the floor before the bell. Akeem backs him into the corner to start and gets elbowed in the head, meaning it’s time for both of them to gyrate a bit. The threat of another elbow drops Akeem, with Rhodes laughing at the idea that he didn’t even have to hit Akeem.
Back in and another elbow sends Akeem into the ropes, with the arms getting tied up. Akeem knocks him down as well though and a nerve hold goes on. As Heenan continues to rant about Sapphire not being a manager, Slick gets in a cheap shot on Rhodes, allowing Akeem to elbow Rhodes in the back of the head (Rhodes: “OH S***!”).
Rhodes fights out of another nerve hold and gets in some less than great looking right hands in the corner. Akeem’s bearhug doesn’t last long and Rhodes start elbowing, with Sapphire cutting Slick off. Akeem gets a lot more evil by going after Sapphire, with Slick shoving her as well. The dancing Slick knees Akeem by mistake though and Rhodes beats the count at 9:03.
Rating: C-. Ok so the match wasn’t great, but Rhodes was doing his thing and the managers were running around on the floor for the sake of some humor. That’s all this needed to be and while it wasn’t good, it was entertaining enough. Rhodes was hardly a great star in the ring, but he knew what he was doing out there every single time.
Rhodes, in an apron with no shirt underneath, is at a butcher shop. We see various meat and that’s it. Rhodes: “You sure can’t beat my meat.”
From Fresno, California, August 9, 1989.
Dusty Rhodes vs. Big Boss Man
Slick is here with Boss Man but this is the pre-Sapphire days. They circle each other a bit to start with Boss Man shoving him down. Rhodes is right back up with a knockdown of his own but an elbow drop misses. The neck crank doesn’t last long and Rhodes is back up with the elbow to the head. The big elbow drop connects but Slick comes in for the DQ at 2:56. Why did they even include this?
Post match the beatdown is on but Rhodes fights back, steals the nightstick and hat, and kidnaps Slick. Boss Man’s response to this is to yell a lot while standing in the ring.
Rhodes is now at a stable and shovels manure, which he calls “fuel”.
From Phoenix, Arizona, February 13, 1990.
Dusty Rhodes vs. Randy Savage
Queen Sherri is here with Savage while Rhodes has Sapphire. Rhodes knocks Savage to the floor and the women argue, allowing Savage to come right back in and jump him to start fast. Savage knocks him into the corner to start but makes the mistake of going after Sapphire, meaning it’s time for the early elbows. Rhodes gets knocked outside though and it’s the top rope ax handle to the head back inside.
The chinlock doesn’t last long so Savage sends him outside again for another ax handle. Rhodes starts shaking his head though and that’s never a good sign. Sherri gets in a few shots so Rhodes goes after her, allowing Savage to get in a cheap shot to take over again. That’s enough of a distraction for Savage to get in a shot with the loaded purse for two so Sherri offers a distraction.
Savage’s choking triggers the Hulk Up (with Rhodes even putting his hands on his hips while on his knees for a funny visual) and Rhodes sends him crashing into the corner. Sherri decks Sapphire to little avail as Sapphire is back up to steal the loaded purse. Savage is knocked out to the floor for a ridiculously fast countout at 7:11.
Rating: C-. This was about as basic of a version of their match as you could get, as that purse was in there almost every time. It wasn’t like you were watching this match for the quality, but Rhodes was never exactly one to burn up the mat in the WWF. The match made sense on paper, but the execution wasn’t quite working.
Post match Rhodes tells Sherri, who he calls a “street walker” to get her “a**” in the ring if she wants some of Rhodes’ brown sugar (meaning Sapphire). And of course Sapphire drops her in a hurry.
Alfred Hayes shows us a sped up video of an arena being set up for a WWF show, going all the way to the opening bell. Of note: he says they’re in Binghamton, New York, where “no less than 20,000 fans” will be here. That arena holds a capacity of 7,200 people and at one point in 1990, the WWF reportedly drew 2,300 to a house show in the arena. What a liar.
It’s time for the Fan Favorite Match, meaning a fan requested this match.
From New York City, New York, January 15, 1990.
The Genius vs. Jim Neidhart
The lying is spreading around here as there is no way this match was requested. Genius gets to prance a bit to start and throws in a cartwheel, plus a standing backflip. They finally lock up and Genius is shoved down with ease. Neidhart shoves him down again and Genius blames a non-existent hair pull. Genius has an idea and tries to shove Neidhart away, only to fall flat on his face in a funny bit.
Neidhart knocks him to the floor, gets annoyed at Genius’ cartwheel, and throws him out again. The chase goes to the Genius, who catches Neidhart with a dropkick on the way back in. Genius punches away but a running crossbody gives Neidhart a quick two. A knockdown lets Genius go up but his moonsault hits raised knees. Genius charges into a boot in the corner and the chase is on outside. Cue Mr. Perfect with a scroll shot to the head to give Genius the pin at 9:20.
Rating: C+. This was little more than a comedy match for the most part, with Genius playing well into his strengths. That’s something he did well for his entire time in the WWF and it worked again here. Neidhart was fine as a foil and having Perfect cheat to cost him the match worked. They didn’t overthink this and it went fine as a result.
From New York City, New York, December 28, 1989.
Ted DiBiase vs. Jake Roberts
No DQ and Virgil is barred from ringside. DiBiase bails outside to start before going back inside for a quickly broken lockup. Roberts snaps off the left hands and the big right hand puts DiBiase on the floor for an early breather. Back in and Roberts starts in on the arm with a variety of crankings to put DiBiase down. Roberts lifts him up by the arm before grabbing a hammerlock on the mat. DiBiase reverses into one of his own, which is broken up just as fast.
An elbow sends DiBiase back to the floor, where it’s time to hold his arm for a bit. Back in and Roberts is right back to the arm as this is going about as well as most of their matches. DiBiase fights to his feet and gets taken down back down, meaning they get to lay around for more arm work. Roberts gets knocked into the ropes, with his eyes getting tied up, allowing DiBiase to slowly hammer away.
A swinging neckbreaker stays on the neck (that DiBiase previously injured) and a piledriver lets DiBiase gloat before getting two. Naturally we hit the chinlock as I try to figure out why they bothered with the No DQ. Maybe they have something else, but we’re over twelve minutes into this and there has been nothing that makes the stipulation necessary. The comeback is cut off with a quick clothesline, meaning more stalling can ensue. The chinlock goes on again for awhile, with DiBiase covering for two.
A middle rope ax handle misses though and they go outside, with the chase allowing Roberts to hit a running knee lift. Roberts slugs away…and charges into a knee in the corner to slow things right back down. The Million Dollar Dream goes on but Roberts falls into the ropes. That means Roberts crashes out to the floor, where he pulls a yelling DiBiase shoulder first into the post. Back in and Roberts actually goes aerial (!) for a middle rope knee and there’s the short arm clothesline. The DDT finishes DiBiase clean at 18:37.
Rating: D. It was long, it was boring, and there was absolutely no need for the No DQ rule. Other than maybe the posting near the end (and that’s a huge stretch), they did nothing that stood out in any way. These two had all kinds of matches against each other but for some reason it always wound up going this way. Just more boring stuff here and it felt like it went on forever.
Post match Roberts grabs the Million Dollar Title but now Virgil shows up to take it back.
And now, trivia!
What was the first match at Wrestlemania I?
Who sang the National Anthem at Wrestlemania I?
How much weight did Dino Bravo bench press?
Wrestlemania II was held in which three cities?
Who was the female co-host in each city?
What was the record-setting attendance at Wrestlemania III?
What is the name of Sean Mooney’s identical twin brother?
Who did Randy Savage beat to win the WWF Title at Wrestlemania IV?
Who returned to the WWF on the Brother Love Show at Wrestlemania V?
What rank did Sean Mooney have on this tape?
Eh I’ve heard weaker tests.
From Lacrosse, Wisconsin, May 15, 1990.
WWF Title: Ultimate Warrior vs. Mr. Perfect
Only Warrior is defending and Perfect bails outside for his entrance, which is probably not a bad idea. Perfect tries to jump him from behind but gets tossed outside without much trouble. The beating goes outside until Warrior brings him back in for the big running shoulders. It works so well that they do it again, followed by Warrior sending him face first into the buckle, with Perfect clearly doing all of the work.
The Warrior Splash misses though and Perfect kicks him in the ribs a few times, followed by some chops on the floor. Back in and a middle rope fist to the jaw doesn’t even knock Warrior down. Something like a top rope double stomp to a standing Warrior (even commentary didn’t think it looked good) drops him but the PerfectPlex gets two. The shoulders and Splash retain the title at 5:53.
Rating: D. What was that? You show Perfect winning the title an hour and a half ago and he loses in a short match here where his finisher doesn’t work. Oh and Heenan wasn’t even here to make up for some of Warrior’s issues. At the end of the day, Warrior looked miserable out there and that’s a big issue. If you’re a month and a half into your title reign, you should be able to show some energy in a five minute match. Come on already.
And of course Mooney knocks himself out with his gun to end the tape.
Overall Rating: D-. It’s a bad sign when the best match on the tape is a just ok match between Santana and Perfect. That was almost completely negated by the terrible main event and the even worse DiBiase vs. Roberts match. This was a good example of just how bad things were when Hogan wasn’t around, as he at least could have breathed some life into this thing. Rather terrible offering here, with Neidhart vs. Genius of all things being the second best match.
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Unless I’m wrong I don’t believe this tape was in the WWE home video section on WWE network back in the day so while the tape was meh it was nice to see something that I hadn’t seen before.