Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2006 (2013 Redo): It Never Feels Right

Royal Rumble 2006
Date: January 29, 2006
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 16,178
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Tazz

The opening video is about Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle. The Rumble and Edge vs. Cena gets a little time as well.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.

Trish is looking GREAT in a referee outfit when Mickie, currently the psycho lesbian, comes up and says she loves Trish. Ok then.

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

Big Show draws his number. Rey comes in to talk about Eddie a bit. Apparently Eddie is joking with Rey by giving him this number.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Boogeyman

Before the Rumble starts, the Spirit Squad comes out to give us a chant.

Royal Rumble

HHH is #1 and Mysterio is #2, naturally coming out in a lowrider and an Eddie shirt. HHH tries to power him down to start but Rey comes back with kicks to the knee. Rey hits a headscissors to take HHH down and into the corner but HHH lifts him to the apron. Rey comes back with a springboard dropkick to the back but HHH ducks the 619. Simon Dean is #3 and goes after Rey to a bunch of boos. Dean sends him to the apron and wants a high five from HHH but gets punched in the face and hit by a seated senton. The elimination is academic.

Lashley immediately comes back with an overhead belly to belly and a third press slam to HHH. Kane takes a Dominator and Sylvan, the “Smackdown fashion consultant” is #10 and lasts about 18 seconds before Lashley throws him out. Unfortunately he turns around and gets caught in a double chokeslam followed by the elimination. The partners quickly turn on each other with Kane getting a boot up to stop a charging Show. They fight to the ropes and HHH runs up to throw them both out, emulating the same thing Shawn did in 1996 with Vader and Yokozuna.

Benoit chops on HHH until Joey Mercury is #14. Mercury fires off dropkicks but gets caught in Rolling Germans. Carlito jumps Benoit to break it up and Mercury pounds on Benoit a bit. Freaking Tatanka is #15, giving us a group of Mysterio, HHH, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury and Tatanka. Seriously why did the bring TATANKA back? He fires off chops as the fans do the Seminole chant.

Shawn has to skin the cat to stay in and turns into a kick to the head from Shelton. Michaels is cool with that and sends Shelton to the apron followed by a superkick to eliminate him. This brings out Vince who hates Shawn and the distraction lets Shane run in and dump HBK. Shawn is ticked and runs back in and superkicks HHH after escaping a Pedigree attempt. He goes after Vince but a single referee stops him. Ok then.

Mickie comes in to hit on Trish as she does an interview on WWE.com.

We recap Edge vs. Cena. Edge won MITB back at Mania and waited nine months before cashing in on Cena after Cena survived the Elimination Chamber. Tonight is the rematch three weeks later.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge

Edge tries for a countout but Cena DIVES back in at nine. Back in and Cena pounds away but charges into a spinwheel kick for two from the Canadian. Edge punches Cena to the floor again but goes after him instead of going for the countout again. Cena gets sent into the steps and back inside a missile dropkick gets two for the champion. Edge loads up a superplex but gets shoved off, only to avoid a guillotine legdrop from Cena.

Edge freaks out on Todd Grisham in the back. Edge storms off and Lita panics a bit. We get a random Hacksaw Jim Duggan cameo (does anyone do those better?) to call her a HO!

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Instead Angle hits a German (kind of) to put both guys down. The Angle Slam gets two (duh) and the ankle lock is broken up again. The counter causes the referee to get bumped so Angle gets a chair. A low blow and two chair shots take Henry down for two, so Angle takes a buckle off. Kurt drop toeholds him into the buckle and rolls Henry up to retain. Our hero everyone.

Taker comes out in a freaking horse drawn chariot and motions that he wants the title. Then he shoots lightning from his hands at the stuff over the ring, before slamming his arms down to send lightning at the posts. The ring collapses to end the show. Yeah that happened.

Ratings Comparison

Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

Original: C-

Redo: D

Boogeyman vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Original: F-

Redo: N/A

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: C-

John Cena vs. Edge

Original: B

Redo: D+

Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Original: D-

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

What was I on for that Edge vs. Cena match?

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/25/royal-rumble-count-up-2006-eddie-guerrero-puts-on-a-mask-and-wins-the-rumble/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and check out my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2006 (Original): Get The Eddie Chants Going

Royal Rumble 2006
Date: January 29, 2006
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 15,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler,

The main changes are Batista and Cena. They’ve more or less taken over the company as the biggest things in the world. Except for Batista because he’s out with an injury. Edge is the current reigning world champion though as he had more or less stolen the title at New Year’s Revolution. He’s got his rematch with Cena tonight. On the other side, Mark Henry is main eventing the show. I give up.

The other main issue is of course the death of Eddie Guerrero, which there’s been more than enough written about already. Other than that, there’s just not a lot going on here. This more or less is the first Rumble of what would be classified as the modern era, so let’s get to it.

The intro is just a recap of the major feuds. For some reason, Angle vs. Henry gets the most hype. Naturally they push Raw vs. Smackdown again. Edge is the Rated R Champion now. Lita’s stomach is the thing that dreams are made of. I’ve always wanted to say that. For reasons that no one will ever comprehend, the theme is Roman or something, which meant nothing and no one wanted to see. Stephanie in Roman clothing was nice though.

Cruiserweight Championship: Cruiserweight Open

This is the standard thing they were doing back in the day as they had completely given up on having any kind of storylines or flow to the division, so they just said screw it and threw everyone into one massive match where everyone is legal at once. In this, you have to be either the current Champion or a former champion. The participants are Kid Kash who is the champion, Paul London, Nunzio, Funaki, Gregory Helms and Jamie Noble.

London is wearing a gold mask for some reason that was never really explained. Helms is a surprise here. Oh geez there’s a Roman theme again where they have guys opening the door where people from out of the back from. It’s kind of like KOTR 96 for those of you that have seen that. Helms is from Raw here so he’s an outsider or something like that. Shockingly, the match is a huge mess to start as there are no tags or anything like that. Screw that order stuff.

London’s dropsault is stupid when it’s just one person but it’s cool when there’s two. It’s completely not effective but it looks good. Heck Rock won a bunch of world titles like that though so who cares? London looks like Tajiri for some reason. This is a pure spotfest here with nothing resembling flow or a story or anything like that, which makes sense I guess. At least they didn’t try as that would have been really stupid.

In a nice spot, Funaki whips Noble in and he launches a suicide dive through the ropes to take out two guys. You can tell a lot of these spots are preplanned but that’s fine as it’s working pretty well for what it’s supposed to be. With almost everyone else on the floor, London goes to the top rope and throws a shooting star press to the floor, more or less missing everyone and just slamming into the floor.

It looked PAINFUL and the fans give him a well deserved hokey smoke chant. In a cool spot that I haven’t seen before, London and Helms are on the top and Helms hits a swinging neckbreaker to get us back on the mat. It looked a lot better than it sounds.

For those of you that don’t know, Kash was a fairly big deal in ECW but other than that he’s been a minor player at best. The steps in the background are orange here so it looks like a bunch of empty seats. They get really fast in a hurry but it gets cut off too fast as Helms hits a Shining Wizard to Funaki for the pin.

Rating: B-. Now before everyone jumps on me, this isn’t the same kind of grade that I would give a normal match because this wasn’t supposed to be a standard match. This was designed to be completely insane and all spots to get the crowd awake and it worked fine. That’s the point of this and it did its job, so it gets a decent grade. There is no story to something like this and there shouldn’t be. Helms would hold the belt over a year.

Vince and Teddy long are around the Rumble drawing and Vince tells Long to leave. Naturally there are three hot women there. Orton and HHH come in and draw their numbers. Orton is happy and HHH hates his. Sex jokes abound as these two continue their eternal battle that never goes anywhere. Victoria looks incredible.

Trish is getting ready to be the referee. Mickie James says she loves her, and we have a lesbian stalker angle.

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

For no apparent reason, this isn’t for the title as Trish is the referee and the champion here. They would have a decent match at Mania. This is back when Mickie was not only insane but also wore ridiculously awesome skirts. Ashley was one of the biggest flops in wrestling history as the winner of the Diva search who was just awful on a lot of levels. If nothing else we have Lillian, Mickie and Trish in the same ring. That’s not bad at all.

They have a headlock and actually go to the floor without breaking it up. That’s hard to do. Ashley can’t even lock up right. That’s almost sad. What’s sadder is that Joey has to say she’s a superstar. Oh yeah this was also when Mickie would scream her head off, which I’ve always liked for some reason. Ashley tried at least so I’ll give her that. The crowd is completely dead by the way. Mickie’s figure is flat out mesmerizing.

This is so odd to see someone with so much talent like James and someone with so little in Ashley. The thing here is that Mickie loves Trish but Trish trained Ashley. There are far too many bad submissions being done here to have a coherent match too. Ashley goes on offense and while it’s really bad, she’s trying. You can tell the different between someone that just doesn’t want to be there and Ashley, while bad, is trying.

However, her offense is either so limited or the fans like Mickie so much that they completely turn on her and boo her LOUDLY. Mickie powerbombs her out of the corner and Trish is really hesitant to count it, which is either part of the angle or then just giving up and saying let’s try to save some face here and just ending it early. Either of those would be believable to me.

Rating: C-. And that’s as generous as I can be. Ashley was bad here, but she was trying as hard as she could and I can easily respect that. Now later on when she just didn’t care, screw that. The fans turning on her like that annoyed me, but I can get what their point was. This was really just to set up Trish vs. Mickie, which is fine.

We see Helms at the WWE Interactive area, which means he’s chatting on WWE.com, which WCW had about 10 years prior to this.

More Rumble drawings with Rey and Big Show. It’s preceded by Vince checking the girls’ tattoos which is just annoying and stupid. In a funny bit, Show can’t get his hand in the tumbler to get a number out. Show is pleased and Rey is…oh screw it. They’re talking about Eddie again, which draws a huge chant and gives away the ending to the Rumble. Ok, before this comes up later, let’s just get it out of the way now.

The WWE needs to understand something. No wait, actually wrestling in general needs to understand something. When a wrestler dies unexpectedly, it doesn’t make them better. Eddie was indeed a very good if not great wrestler, but based on the things you hear about him now, you would think he was Ric Flair. He’s more about the level of Randy Orton or so. However, the undisputed champion of this is ECW with Louie Spicolli.

He was the epitome of an ok if not decent wrestler that was all of a sudden great after he died from a drug overdose. He simply was not as good as people made him out to be. For all of you ECW marks out there, show me ONE very good Spicolli match. It doesn’t even have to be great.

Show me one time where he had a great match. What was my point here? Oh yeah. Eddie was very good, but he only became considered great after dying. “KB you don’t know anything. He won the world title!” Yeah well this is 2 days after TLC and Sheamus is world champion so the belt really doesn’t prove all that much does it?

JBL vs. Boogeyman

The idea here is that JBL is terrified of Boogey. Oh and Boogey bit the “mole” off of Jillian’s face. She’s his assistant here or something like that. My goodness JBL has fallen far since winning the world title less than two years before this. It continues to amuse me when someone like Boogeyman is weighed in. And now I’m annoyed. I’ve never liked the Boogeyman character for one reason: he makes a mockery of wrestling.

Now yes, there’s a lot of stupid characters and while I tend to dislike the majority of them, when they can have a decent match, it’s almost acceptable. Boogeyman couldn’t do that, so when he does stuff like eat worms, then spit them up and spit them down into Jillian’s mouth, I have no use for him at all. It continues to have stupidity attached to it as we have to hear about how disgusted the announcers are.

Seriously, the Four Horsemen are in the same business as this guy. That’s just ridiculous. Thankfully, this lasts about a minute and a half, as after a stupid brawl where Boogey sells nothing at all, JBL misses a Clothesline and somehow slams into the post in a completely awful looking spot. A pumphandle slam ends it.

Rating: F-. This would usually be an N/A, but this was just a complete and utter waste of time. Seriously, why did this need to happen? I know it took less than 5 minutes, but really, there was NOTHING else we could have used that for? I hate gimmicks like these, I truly do.

Vince hits on the girls more and you can see they hate it. Shelton’s mama shows up. This was a freaking stupid gimmick where Shelton’s mom showed up to make sure he was taken care of. It was some comedienne that no one has ever heard of in a fat suit. You figure out how well it worked. Melina shows up and gets hit on too. Mama prevents him from hitting on her.

MNM, Joey Mercury and Johnny “Morrison” Nitro show up to draw as well. Both seem fairly middle of the road with their numbers. Melina says they’ll eliminate Shawn. We finish this long segment off with more Vince hitting on the girls. They eventually became a stable called Vince’s Devils. Yeah it went nowhere.

Before the Rumble starts, we have the Spirit Squad. Now for those of you that weren’t around for these guys, they were male cheerleaders that won the tag titles from Kane and Big Show. Amazingly everyone said the only one with talent was Kenny Dykstra. The one known as Nick became known as Dolph Ziggler. What does that tell you? Lillian is jaw dropingly hot here.

Royal Rumble

Lillian flubbing her lines is somehow sexy. How is that possible? HHH is number one and Rey is number two. Well you certainly can’t say they’re using no names to start us out. This is big match that’s never happened before. Oh the intervals are 90 seconds here. Oh here we go Rey is driving a lowrider. HEY, WE GET IT ABOUT EDDIE! I wouldn’t be so annoyed about it, but seriously, he brought up Eddie in the BATISTA feud.

Oh look he draped an Eddie shirt on the car. This is freaking ridiculous because it’s obvious Rey is going to win here for the sake of “honoring Eddie.” Rey’s entrance reaches Taker levels of time. He does the ten punches in the corner and looks up before he does it. This is freaking ridiculous and we’re just hitting number 3 which is Simon Dean. Cole, who is doing the commentary with Lawler, FREAKS because a Smackdown guy is attacking a Smackdown guy.

They team up and eliminate him easily. Have I mentioned that I hate the Bronco Buster? Psicosis of the Mexicools is 4th. They were a team of Mexican stereotypes who rode lawnmowers. I wish I was making that up. Rey counters a Razor’s Edge to put him out with ease again so we stay with those two guys. Number 5 is Flair of all people. He trips coming into the ring as Rey is down for no apparent reason.

Flair and HHH hammer on each other for awhile as I think HHH is a heel here. Oh yeah he would be. That was a stupid comment. He and Flair feuded over the IC belt of all things in some decent matches. You know for a guy that was allegedly the biggest ladies man ever, he used a lot of testicular claws. He’s gone soon after and we’re back at 2 people. Big Show is 6th so hopefully we get people in here for awhile.

He’s mad at HHH also, which is still going on today, which works as it’s been less than five years ago so a feud can easily go on that long. Naturally Show dominates here. With an eyeroll from me, Coach is number 7. Why did he always get spots in the Rumble? Show puts him out in about 30 seconds. Show demonstrates his intelligence by having HHH above his head twice and not even getting close to the ropes.

The announcers say that Coach might have set a record for shortest time in the Rumble. That’s so stupid I’m not even going to bother making fun of it. Lashley is 8th and they say he could be a dark horse. Can I get a rim shot? He’s a rookie phenomenon here, meaning that his career wouldn’t mean much since Vince refused to ever pull the trigger on him, even though he tried. In an impressive move, he gets a backdrop on Show as Kane, who is currently tag champions with Show, is 9th.

He and Lashley square off in a match of two guys that will never win a world title in WWE again. In a very impressive looking spot that wasn’t really that impressive, he hits the Dominator on Kane. Rey has been down WAY too long for no apparent reason. Sylvan, playing a gay character who doesn’t actually say he’s gay is 10th. He’s the fashion consultant or something. Yeah he’s gone in about 30 seconds.

Show and Kane hit a double chokeslam on Lashley and throw him out. So HHH and Rey are more or less just laying on the mat for about 5-6 minutes at a time which is again, stupid. HHH puts Kane and Big Show out, thus reaffirming his theory that he could out fight God if he had to.

Carlito is 11th, as other than the first two guys, no one has lasted 10 minutes yet. I really don’t like this theory of only having a few guys in there for the majority of the match. The Rumble should have about 6-7 guys in the ring for the majority of the match. It’s just right and it allows for things to not be too boring but also not too weak. Benoit is 12th as we’re picking up a bit.

He chops and suplexes the heck out of everyone just because he’s Chris Benoit and they’re not. Carlito gets a crossface for good measure as Benoit is freaking awesome. He and HHH fight over a suplex with Benoit on the apron which was cool looking if nothing else. The Canadian fights out of that and hits the headbutt on HHH so Carlito can get back up. Booker is 13th and the US Champion at the moment.

He’s wearing long tights which looks odd indeed. He would become king in a few months. Yep Booker is gone already, naturally by Benoit as those two were eternally joined at the hip for some reason. Apparently 20 minutes or so is a long time now. So the most we’ve had is what, 5 people I believe?

Mercury of MNM is 14th and since he brings Melina with him, he’s awesome. I love the way they carried the belts as they hung them from their pants so they swung between their legs. It’s original if nothing else. Mercury really is underrated in the ring. He’s a lot better than people realize. Cole brags about setting ratings records on UPN. That’s just hilarious. Tatanka is 15th to ZERO reaction.

He returned for a few months and no one, I mean NO ONE cared at all. His offense has somehow gotten even more generic if that’s possible which I didn’t think it was. The fans do the Florida St. Seminole chant to try to validate his entrance. Nitro is 16th. More commonly known as John Morrison if you’re not familiar. Tatanka beats on him, which somehow validated Matt Hardy and Tatanka vs. MNM on PPV in a non title match. You read that right.

The fans chant Eddie to just tick me off even more. Only Vince would manage to use death to push storylines. Trevor Murdoch is 17th. To recap we have HHH, Rey, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, Murdoch and for some reason Tatanka. Cole takes a lull to mention that Rey is dedicating this match to Eddie. Eugene is 18th, and is booed out of the freaking building. He’s a classic case of a comedy character being used badly.

Rey hurts him to get a solid pop. For the love of goodness Animal of the LOD is 19th. Seriously, who picked these people? Oh apparently the new LOD are the long time rivals of MNM. You know, the team that’s been around for a few months. There are WAY too many people in there right now. RVD is 20th to a HUGE pop. Thankfully for the first time in history the company listened to the pop and made him world champion in June before he smoked his way out of the main event.

Oh yeah this was the summer that ECW returned. He cleans house of course. MNM is doing the Demolition thing of teaming up on everyone which is smart. Animal is out thank goodness. Orlando Jordan is 21st and I somehow manage to lose even more interest in this match. There are FAR too many people in the ring at the moment. Chavo is 22nd. Ok, him I have no problem with doing the pointing thing. There’s your difference between Chavo and Rey.

Chavo won a match with JBL on the Eddie tribute show, pointed to the sky a few times, and started using the frog splash. He’s mentioned Eddie a few times over the years, but for the most part he’s just said that he’s a Guerrero which he would have been no matter what. He had one angle with Rey over the Guerrero name, which made sense when you thought about it. That’s perfectly fine.

Then you have Rey, who used the splash, drove a lowrider, blew one up, pointed to the sky and dedicated about a year’s worth of matches to Eddie, using him as an angle and getting the world title because of it. He still mentions Eddie for storylines 4 years after Eddie passed away. There’s paying homage then there’s just being freaking ridiculous. What does Chavo get for being more humble about it? He lasts a minute here while Rey lasts an hour.

Of course Chavo shouldn’t have won or been in the last group or anything, but would 10-15 minutes have killed anyone? Seriously, Tatanka can get a long time but Chavo can’t? Matt Hardy is 23rd. There’s like 12 people in there right now and it’s absurd. You can’t see a thing in there at the moment either. Tatanka FINALLY goes out as Super Crazy is 24th. What is the point of half these guys being in here?

Shawn is 25th to a nice pop. He gets pyro when he comes out which is odd in a Rumble match. He ends Murdoch to thin the ranks out a bit. Chris Masters, who is more or less a newcomer at this point, somehow gets pyro also at 26th. I’m not even bothering to try to tell who all is in there at this point. Nothing of note is happening anyway. Viscera, currently the world’s largest love machine is 27th.

He puts out the far more talented Matt Hardy, but not before giving him the Visagra, which is where the other guy is on his stomach and Viscera gets on top of them and gyrates his hips. Yeah it’s worse than it sounds. Shelton is in next along with his mother. This is somehow stupider than I thought it was going to be. Eugene is gone, leaving a huge pool of sweat on the mat beneath him.

They’re really speeding up the intervals here to get through this. Goldust, who is returning for like the 12th time is 29th. That leaves Orton as number 30. Rey puts Crazy out as Orton comes out last. Ok, so your final group is Rey, HHH, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, RVD, Jordan, Shawn, Masters, Viscera, Shelton, Goldust and Orton. Yeah that’s not too many people at all. Screw the sarcasm. YES IT’S TOO MANY FREAKING PEOPLE!

Geez do you think 14, or just under half of the people being left at the end is enough? Why don’t we just get rid of the whole unique aspect of the freaking match and make it a regular battle royal like the classic World War 3 series that WCW used to do? Those things went great didn’t they? Dang it Vince how hard is it to book a freaking Rumble? You have about 7-8 guys in at the end, 5-6 of them are big names and two or three jobbers.

Three are legit contenders, three are dark horses, and two are jobbers. There, that took 8 seconds to come up with. Orton puts Benoit out which Cole says is a rematch from Summerslam two years ago. More like a year and a half but who cares about facts? Carlito and Masters put out Viscera and then Carlito throws out Masters. Goldust takes forever to set up Shattered Dreams but at least manages to kick that turnbuckle really well.

RVD puts him out just before Orton puts out Jordan. Shawn and HHH go at it to keep the balance of the universe in order. Shawn puts out both of MNM within 5 seconds of each other to further kill the tag division which HHH and Shawn are the current champions of as of this being written. Sweet Chin Music puts out Shelton as Shawn is on a roll. Vince’s music hits as he and Shawn were feuding at the moment. He distracts Shawn so Shane can put Shawn out.

That leaves us with Rey, HHH, Carlito, Orton and RVD. Well I’m glad they took their time getting rid of the people. Shawn goes after Shane but HHH stops him but gets chin music. HBK chases the McMahons out because he’s a face and they’re heels. Van Dam puts Carlito out to give us our final four of Rey, HHH, Orton and RVD. RVD was returning so he wasn’t going to win.

HHH and Orton were possible and Rey was the clear winner so there we go. They split off with HHH vs. Rey and Orton vs. RVD. The faces hit some nice double team stuff to hurt the heels. Van Dam shows how stupid he is by going for a Five Star and gets put out. Orton and HHH get together for no apparent reason other than to beat up a guy that’s 5’5. However, Rey is empowered by the memories of a guy that he feuded with so he takes them both down.

Orton fights HHH. In other news, the sky is blue. Rey puts out HHH and it’s officially inevitable. Rey gets beaten up by HHH to just further make us take note of how awesome Rey is. Orton acts cocky and yeah Mysterio is going to Mania. Orton would get in and make it a triple threat where Rey would win the title and of course, dedicate it to Eddie since that’s all he’s allowed to do.

Rating: D. Eddie oversaturation aside, this Rumble sucked and it sucked hard. The booking was way off here as there were far too few guys in the ring at first and far too few in the end. The Rey thing annoys the heck out of me as people like to say RIP Eddie, yet they have zero problem with his history being exploited for the sake of bad storylines. Rey was passable as champion, but let him get there on his own and not because a guy died. That’s just stupid.

Other than that, WAY too many jobbers and fillers in there, which kind of reflects on the company as a whole. Seriously, why did Booker and Lashley stay in there for just a bit? To be fair, Booker was hurt so that might explain it. Either way, this match was awful in a lot of ways and I hated it quite a bit.

Rey is happy with his win.

We recap Cena vs. Edge, which was a result of the first cashing in of the Money in the Bank in a truly shocking moment. This was a huge thing as Cena was completely dominant and everyone was TICKED when he held the title again after the Elimination Chamber.

But when Vince’s music went on, everyone knew what was coming and it was awesome. Naturally Cena insisted on a rematch and talked about respect and having the title mean a lot to him. This was also the reign with the live sex celebration that apparently made Edge’s career better than Taker’s.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge

So the scaffolds from the ceiling begin to lower. Smoke and lights and pyro go off. Styles says it looks like a spaceship. Yep, Cena is getting a special entrance that of course looks awesome. More or less his feet are where the top of his head would be if he was walking normally. Yeah there’s nothing at all that’s being implied about who wins here at all. Lita of course looks completely amazing. If nothing else I’ve heard Edge’s theme live so that’s cool.

For the love of all things good and holy, change the spinner belt. The W is spun almost halfway around and it just looks stupid. It starts off with their standard stuff which is traditionally good. Cena starts off in control but thanks to Lita Edge hits a spear into the steps, which more or less proves that he desperately needs a new finisher. We go into the crowd for just a bit but it goes nowhere. Cena dives in to beat the ten count which if nothing else looked cool.

Edge goes old school with his spinning heel kick. Why is Joey Styles the only commentator that mentions the referee’s names consistently? Cena can sell really well if nothing else. Good night Lita’s chest is amazing. The announcers get into an interesting argument: who is the better technical wrestler? That’s a most interesting question that’s going to get a thread soon. Edge’s facials remain awesome as ever. The crowd is fairly loudly booing John here.

Edge chokes Cena so of course despite being put in a hold that should kill him or would end any MMA fight, he gets up with ease. Both guys are down so we get another few shots of Lita’s chest to fill time. Following some botched interference from the hot chick, the FU and STFU give Cena the belt again. That was abrupt.

Rating: B. Eh, this was what it was. Cena and Edge work together just fine so their matches are almost always passable. Edge was more or less given the title as a test run and that’s fine. He got his name in there and that’s what counts. Cena was definitely the right choice to have the belt going into Mania so I have no issues with the booking here. The match was fine and it came off well. It’s nothing great but it’s fine for a title change that goes 15 minutes.

In case you were wondering, Rey is still happy that he won.

We do a very quick, as in about 10 second long recap of Angle vs. Henry, which consists of Henry breaking the ankle lock, which had been done by about 15 people up to this point, but it’s impressive here because of POWER. Angle was a transitional champion if there ever was one.

He took over when Batista got hurt (shocking isn’t it?) so he’s held the title less than three weeks at this point. Angle does his usual solid promo and then comes back to tell Henry he sucks. That’s what makes Angle better than most. He would head to TNA later in the year and be a huge coup for TNA.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

So Daivari used to hang out with Angle but he dumped him for Henry for no apparent reason. Soon after this Khali would show up. Yeah Angle is introduced as the new World Heavyweight Champion here. That’s the beauty of having guys like Angle or Shawn on your roster.

If something like an injury happens, you can throw the title on them for a quick fix and because they hang around the upper midcard with occasional main event matches, it’s perfectly believable to put the belt on them and no one really had a problem with Angle as champion. We get a fairly long feeling out period, but Henry catches Angle in position for the World’s Strongest Slam. Naturally though instead of slamming him though, he throws him to the floor.

More or less Henry beats the tar out of Angle for awhile as you would expect. Good night Henry you’ve been in the company ten years at this point. Don’t you think it’s time you learned some new offense? I mean really, we know you can slam, club, punch and squeeze. LEARN ANYTHING NEW. Angle gets a bad German, but to be fair, look what he’s working with. Angle Slam gets two. Henry powers out of the ankle lock using the same counter that everyone else uses to knock the referee down.

Angle gets a bad chair shot to Daivari and takes it into the ring. The chair is bent which always looks cool. Angle goes Hogan and cheats but remains a face. Two decent chair shots put Henry down but the fans are more or less dead here. They of course get two which gets a decent pop. I really don’t get the point of the chairs this early in the match. Angle pulls the turnbuckle pad off the middle turnbuckle and sends Henry’s head into it on a reversal for the pin. Really? That’s the best you’ve got?

Rating: D-. I have no freaking clue what they were going for here, but it was just an epic failure. Henry had no business being in there but he came off looking like a far bigger face than Angle did. It was really short, and I have no idea what the point was of this main eventing the show. Oh wait. Now I get it.

A gong goes off and the lights go purple. Ok, Taker has druids and a horse drawn chariot. That makes up for the main event. He signals that he wants the belt and sets off lightning. The ropes fall to the ground and the ring collapses as Angle holds the belt to his chest as we go off the air. Ok, that was freaking cool.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a very lackluster show. I know a lot of people will love the Eddie tributes etc. but I HATED them. One or two points to the sky and some frog splashes are just fine but seriously, giving the Rumble and ultimately the world title to a guy over Eddie? That’s WAY too much. Other than that, there’s just nothing special here at all. Edge and Cena is pretty easily the match of the night.

This show really was more about setting up for the future though, as Cena had to get the belt back and Angle had to get set up with Taker, which they managed to accomplish both. This really started setting the table for Mania, so that’s fine, but the show just wasn’t that interesting. Not recommended at all really, although some people might like it.




Smackdown – August 18, 2006: How Bamboozling

Smackdown
Date: August 18, 2006
Location: Verizon Center, Washington DC
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the go home show for Summerslam and that means it’s time to take one of the biggest matches from that show and move it here. This time around it’s Great Khali vs. Undertaker in a Last Man Standing match, as Khali might not be trustworthy to put in the ring on live television for more than about two minutes flat. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at Undertaker vs. Great Khali, which does not exactly scream all time great and original feud.

Opening sequence.

Batista vs. Sylvan

Batista is the hometown boy and finishes with his namesake Bomb in less than a minute.

Video on the Diva Search finals from earlier this week in New York City, where Layla won. Given that she clearly had more charisma than anyone else in the competition, this shouldn’t be surprising.

MVP, surrounded by a group of women, are watching from a sky box.

Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Sylvester Terkay

Terkay has Elijah Burke with him and sends Scotty to the apron to start. A big boot knocks Scotty to the floor and Burke throws him back inside. Back in and Terkay grabs a standing head and arm choke, setting up a belly to belly. Hold on though as we need to pause for some water for Terkay. It seems to help as a Muscle Buster finishes Scotty.

Rating: C-. I’m never sure what to say about something like this as Terkay looked like a monster, though the match itself was a complete squash. Terkay is looking like a monster, though he isn’t the most charismatic guy in the world. Hopefully Burke can help move that forward and they are off to a pretty decent start.

We get a video on the history between Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero, at least the good part of it.

Paul London and Brian Kendrick love the idea of competition but get jumped by KC James and Idol Stevens, the team who beat them last week.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Tatanka

Kennedy talks trash to start (duh) so Tatanka starts cranking on the arm. Said arm is sent into the corner and a chop puts Kennedy on the floor. Back in and Tatanka takes out the knee, followed by a hard clothesline. Kennedy is back up with some stomps in the corner before working on Tatanka’s leg, complete with mocking the war cry like a real villain. Tatanka fights up and sends him into the corner, followed by a clothesline but the knee gives out. The Papoose To Go is loaded up but Kennedy rakes the eyes for the break and rolls him up with trunks for the pin.

Rating: D+. Tatanka continues to be one of the least interesting people in WWE but at least he isn’t winning anything of note. Kennedy continues to gain some momentum, which he is going to need after that long hiatus completely derailed everything. If he can step it up in the ring, they have a potential breakout star on their hands.

Video on Chavo Guerrero’s relationship with Eddie.

Vickie Guerrero begs Teddy Long to cancel Chavo vs. Rey at Summerslam but Teddy can’t do it.

Great Khali vs. Undertaker

Last Man Standing and Khali has Daivari in his corner. Khali chokes him into the corner to start and hits a clothesline (with an awkward camera cut, likely the first of several in this match). Undertaker strikes away but gets kicked out to the floor, with Khali sending him into the steps. Some right hands from the floor rock Khali though and a Stunner over the ropes make it worse.

There’s the apron legdrop into a triangle choke (from the side) but Undertaker lets go with Khali still moving. Daivari’s chair shot just annoys Undertaker, who stalks Daivari to the stage. Khali follows and the distraction lets Daivari hit a low blow. Undertaker fights out of a chokeslam but has to boot Daivari down, allowing Khali to throw Undertaker off the stage. That’s good for a nine and we take a break.

Back with Khali beating on Undertaker near the stage before taking it inside again. Khali strikes away and ties his arms in the ropes, setting up the big chop to knock Undertaker silly. Granted it takes a bit to get his arms out of the ropes so the count can begin, but Undertaker sits up at nine anyway. A running clothesline puts Khali on the floor, where he whips Undertaker into the steps.

Back in again and Undertaker hits him in the face with the steps, followed by a chair to the back to drive Khali face first into the steps. Khali is busted open and another chair shot knocks him down again. Undertaker starts going after the knee and some chairs to the head sets up the chokeslam (there’s that edit again) and Khali is done.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t great or even very good by any means, but this could have been miles worse. Granted I’m sure there was a ton of editing to make it work as well as it did, but they could have done far worse. Undertaker winning in the end was the right move as Khali got his big win at Judgment Day and will be fine going forward. Plus it completes the same formula from the Giant Gonzalez feud in 1993.

Boogeyman is back and JBL panics.

Summerslam rundown.

Vito vs. Scott Fowler

Vito puts the dress over Fowler’s head to start, dances, and drops a leg. The headlock on the mat goes on, followed by Vito flipping the dress up and down. JBL screams and it’s the Implant DDT into the armbar for the win. JBL: “AND THE LOSER IS ME!!! HIS NIPPLES ARE SHOWING!!!”

US Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Finlay

Finlay is defending. Feeling out process to start with Lashley backing him into the ropes and knocking the champ out to the floor. Back in and Lashley hammers away but Finlay claims a poke to the eye. That’s just faking of course, allowing Finlay to hammer away. Lashley can’t see but he’s fine enough to hit a gorilla press gutbuster for two. Cue William Regal to ringside for a distraction, allowing Finlay to post Lashley and we take a break.

Back with Finlay holding a chinlock and then posting Lashley again. Finlay works on an armbar but Lashley powers up and hits a belly to belly. The one armed delayed vertical suplex (JBL: “Haven’t seen that since Rick Rude.”) but Regal gets up for a distraction. Cue the Leprechaun so Finlay picks him up, only to have Lashley spear them both down (JBL: “YOU CAN’T SPEAR A LEPRECHAUN!”). The running powerslam hits Lashley but Regal pulls the referee for the DQ.

Rating: C. They were getting to the next level by the end and there was so much going on that you felt they could do a title change. I get why they didn’t want to go there with the ending though and odds are we get the big blowoff match between some combination of these three on a special Smackdown. Lashley needs something else to do though and I don’t think the US Title is going to mean much to him at this point. He’s in a weird place where he needs to move up but there isn’t much room for him with Batista back.

Lashley cleans house post match.

Here are King Booker and Queen Sharmell in the throne on the ring for the big close. Booker knows that Batista is coming for the title that he lost when he forfeited the title due to a small injury. Batista has no heart, passion or intestinal fortitude though, nor does he have any idea what King Booker is all about. Batista has BAMBOOZLED you people and now he has run amuck.

Now Booker has to beat Batista to a pulp, but there is an option B, which Batista can find out if he comes to the ring right now. Cue Batista, with Booker saying that option B is Batista kneel down and kiss the royal feet. Booker even has a royal foot pillow for the occasion. The shoe comes off and Batista leans forward before stepping on the bare toes. Batista puts on the robe to end the show. This was perfectly acceptable for a quick final push toward the World Title match.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a weird one as they had a Summerslam level match on the Summerslam go home show, but they also did their usual lower card drek along with the Summerslam push. What we got here wasn’t the worst, but it was a strange mixture of a lot of things. As usual, the top level stuff is good enough, but the stuff underneath is just hard to sit through most weeks. It’s not an awful show and Summerslam looks ok enough. The problem is that was the case coming into this show and much like Raw, it didn’t make me want to see the pay per view any more than I already did.

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ECW on Sci Fi – August 15, 2006: Not Indicative Of Their Future Endeavors

ECW on Sci Fi
Date: August 15, 2006
Location: Verizon Center, Washington DC
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Summerslam and that means we need a title match set. In this case that is likely to mean something involving Sabu, Kurt Angle and Rob Van Dam, the latter of whom returned last week to interfere and break up a #1 contenders match between the others. Other than that, expect the ECW Originals to look really pathetic. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at Van Dam returning last week and taking out Sabu and Angle.

Paul Heyman, with Big Show, announces that Angle has suffered a torn groin muscle and will not be wrestling in tonight’s triple threat #1 contenders ladder match. Instead it will be Sabu vs. Van Dam and it will be EXTREME. And that, unless he has an interview or pre-taped segment, is the last we’ll see of Angle in WWE for over ten years.

Opening sequence.

Here is Mick Foley as our designated guest star of the week. Foley talks about Ric Flair being invited to come here tonight but Flair seems to have turned down the offer. With Flair not here, Foley has the chance to talk about Flair’s accusations that Foley was nothing until he fell off the Cell. Foley remembers it differently, because he was thrown off and put on a stretcher but he wasn’t quitting because he would have thought less of himself.

What Flair has never understood, Foley’s career is built around being able to look in the mirror. Foley is doing that on Monday morning and as busted open as he will be, he is going to like what he sees. Foley may be a bestselling author, but the words I-Q-U-I-T are not in his vocabulary. Since there is no Flair here though, Foley has some guests tonight.

First up is Kelly Kelly, followed by Melina. It’s time to do something Foley has never done before: a three way dance! This goes as well as you would expect, including Flair running in to go after Foley and send him into the steps. Foley is bleeding from his mouth as Flair chokes him with his belt. Flair swears the Foley will quit at Summerslam before walking away. They were both feeling it here.

Shannon Moore tells us to question authority.

CM Punk vs. Justin Credible

Credible actually gets an inset promo, promising to prove that Punk’s debut win was just a fluke. The fans are WAY into Punk and he strikes Credible down in a hurry to start. A running clothesline in the corner connects, followed by a running knee. Credible counters a spinning high crossbody into a gutbuster but Punk slips out of a suplex. The running knee in the corner sets up the Rock Bottom into the Anaconda Vice for the pin. This would be it for Credible, as the Originals lose another, meaning nothing is really going to change.

Video on Rob Van Dam.

Rob Van Dam is sitting on a ladder, where he talks about wanting the ECW Title back. Nothing is going to stop him, no matter how homicidal, suicidal or genocidal. Then he’s going on to Summerslam to take the ECW Title from Big Show.

Rene Dupree says he’s a beautiful man, but now he is going to prove that he’s hardcore.

FBI vs. Mike Knox/Test

Kelly Kelly is here with the non-Italians. Knox takes Nunzio into the corner and slams him down without much effort. The stomping is on and it’s off to Test for a backbreaker into a side slam. Mamaluke comes in so Test kicks Guido in the face and TKOs Mamaluke for the pin. Total squash.

Post match Tommy Dreamer and Sandman run in to clear the ring. Knox hides behind Kelly that’s what he does.

Video on Sabu.

Sabu is ready for Big Show and will sacrifice anything to win.

Heyman is giving Big Show a pep talk when Kurt Angle runs in to go after both of them. Security takes him down and Angle is handcuffed and arrested. Show wants to press charges. So I’m guessing that’s it for him.

Sabu vs. Rob Van Dam

Ladder match with the winner facing Big Show for the title on Sunday. Sabu doesn’t look thrilled with the fans grabbing at him on the way in but he dives at Van Dam’s leg to start. We get a wide shot of the contract and the lights in the arena are really low despite a decent crowd. Either they’re focusing on the ring more so than usual or no one showed up for ECW. Rob kicks away but gets crotched on top.

In something that makes sense for Van Dam, he tried to jump from the top to grab the contract. It doesn’t work of course, but points for trying something different. Sabu clotheslines him to the floor but Rob is right back with a baseball slide to drive the ladder into his face. Back from a break with Sabu sending him face first into the ladder and driving him into the ladder again with the Arabian facebuster. Rob shoves the ladder over though and then drops Sabu onto it, setting up the spinning legdrop.

The ladder is monkey flipped onto Sabu to put them both down but Rolling Thunder only hits ladder. There’s the Triple Jump Moonsault but the Atomic Arabian Facebuster only hits ladder. Rob gets pulled off the ladder but he kicks Sabu down and hits a quick Five Star. That means Van Dam can go up but here’s Big Show to put him through a table. Show orders the contract down so Sabu dives onto show and pulls it down for the win.

Rating: C. The ending wasn’t exactly in doubt here as they had built up Sabu for weeks, but Van Dam is the kind of person who could get into a major title match at the drop of a hat. They also did a nice job of throwing in a fresh ending, which is so rare in a ladder match. It was smart to put Sabu in a match like this to protect him and I’d assume that is going to be the same on Sunday.

Show destroys Sabu again to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This was a bit better show than in recent weeks, mainly because one of the ECW people actually won something for a change. You can see the writing on the wall (it’s in REALLY big letters) around here though as ECW is going under in a hurry. Van Dam, Sabu and maybe Dreamer are about all the original brand has to offer and I’m not sure how much longer they are going to matter anyway. Not a terrible show here, but that feels like a rarity instead of a good sign for the future.

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ECW on Sci Fi – August 8, 2006 (2021 Redo): The Crushing Continues

ECW on Sci Fi
Date: August 8, 2006
Location: Gaylord Entertainment Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re back after last week’s sojourn into Vince McMahon’s nightmare of a television main event of Batista vs. Big Show. Sabu seems to be the next challenger for Big Show’s ECW World Title and that sounds at least slightly better than what we’ve been seeing with all of the guest stars. Yeah that’s where we are now: Sabu is the big hope. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at Paul Heyman getting some muscle to fight the ECW originals.

Opening sequence.

Mike Knox vs. Tommy Dreamer

Kelly Kelly is here with Knox and Dreamer has a bad limp after last last week. Knox jumps him to start but Dreamer is back with a neckbreaker and baseball slide. A whip sends Knox into the steps and the DDT connects back inside but here are Heyman with his goons to jump Dreamer. Back in and Knox’s swinging Downward Spiral is good for the fast pin.

Post match the beatdown seems imminent but here’s Sandman for the rather slow save.

Post break, Heyman says he knows Sandman is upset about Dreamer and Heyman is too. Heyman was going to have Dreamer in a rematch from last week but now he can’t do that. Don’t worry though because Heyman has something else in mind.

Test/Mike Knox vs. Sandman

This isn’t extreme rules so the Singapore cane is illegal. Sandman swings it anyway but gets beaten down with a bunch of stomping. Test misses the top rope elbow so Sandman grabs the cane for the DQ.

Video on Sabu.

We look at Sabu attacking Big Show over the last few weeks.

Sabu says he’s beating Kurt Angle to become #1 contender.

Balls Mahoney likes ECW because he gets to be extreme.

Kevin Thorn vs. Al Snow

Thorn has Ariel with him and an early distraction starts things fast. Snow slugs away but Thorn hits a quick spear. Thorn and Ariel stop to do their….whatever it is before Thorn hits a hanging Stunner. More Ariel time sets up a Razor’s Edge to finish Snow in a hurry.

Video on Kurt Angle.

Angle is ready to make Sabu understand that it’s suicidal to step in the ring with him.

Rene Dupree is ready to be the most extreme athlete in ECW history.

Here’s Big Show in a suit for a chat. He knows the champ has never looked so good because he’s here to bring some class to ECW. If Kurt Angle wants to get involved, Show will crush him like crackers in his soup. If Sabu comes after him, he’ll learn what it means to be suicidal (not a good sign when you have to use the same line about Sabu twice in five minutes). No one can beat him.

Video on CM Punk’s debut last week.

Punk thanks the fans for the welcome last week and says it was worth it for everything he gave to get here. He’s back next week and he has to make the most of it because that is his nature.

Kurt Angle vs. Sabu

For the #1 contendership at Summerslam. Sabu dives at the ankle to start so Angle takes him to the mat with no trouble. The headlock has Sabu in trouble but he reverses into a front facelock. That’s broken up in a hurry but Sabu sends him shoulder first into the post. We take a break and come back with Sabu having to fight out of a reverse chinlock. The springboard tornado DDT plants Angle for two but he pops back up with a belly to belly. We hit the chinlock with a bodyscissors so Sabu fights up, setting up a springboard leg lariat.

Sabu charges into a boot in the corner but comes right back with another leg lariat for another two. Angle is right back up with the rolling German suplexes so Sabu comes back with another springboard leg lariat. The camel clutch is countered into an ankle lock which is countered with a roll through the ropes for the break. Back in and Sabu grabs a cross armbreaker but Angle reverses into the ankle lock. Cue the returning Rob Van Dam with a Van Daminator to take Angle out, which will of course be a no contest because WWE has a really poor understanding of disqualifications.

Rating: C. I’m almost stunned but Sabu had a decent match here, which is likely attributed to Angle being able to rein him in. It’s almost bizarre to see Sabu have a straight match, mainly because he did it well enough here. The ending doesn’t make sense but given how the rest of this show has gone, that isn’t even worth getting annoyed about in the first place.

Post match Van Dam beats down Sabu as well to stand tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The main event, while only pretty good, was nowhere near enough to save this show, which was all about making the ECW originals look like the most worthless wrestlers in recent memory. They lost three matches and the fourth was dead to rites until Van Dam came in for the, ahem, no contest. This show felt like they were actively trying to crush the old ECW and while that might not be the worst idea long term, it didn’t make for the most thrilling show this week.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – August 7, 2006: Vince Does Elvis (And It’s Amazing)

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 7, 2006
Location: FedEx Forum, Memphis, Tennessee
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re coming up on Summerslam but this week’s show is going to be interesting in a bad way. The roster is fresh off of an Australia tour so there is a good chance that they are going to be absolutely spent. I certainly can’t blame them for that, but it can make for a dull show. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at Umaga beating down Shawn Michaels last week to set up Umaga vs. HHH this week.

We look at Graceland to start….and now it’s Vince and Shane McMahon in Elvis suits. Shane talks about leaving Shawn all shook up last week and HHH was dancing to the jailhouse rock last week because of those cigars. Shawn even wound up at the heartbreak hotel because of a hunka-hunka burning Shane.

Vince says he’s going to be cruel tonight when HHH faces Umaga. Shane: “You ain’t nothing but a hound dog.” Vince: “I wanna thank you very much Elvis.” Vince likes Shane’s look, but everyone needs to know something: Elvis has left the building. This was AMAZING and needs to be seen (though pesky music rights mean it’s not on the Network).

Opening sequence.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James

James is defending….for about four seconds as Edge and Lita interrupt before they can even lock up. Edge says this match is over and he’s taking over Raw. So much for that.

Edge tells Trish to stay because she needs to hear this. It’s not fair that he has to defend the title against John Cena in Cena’s hometown of Boston and if he is disqualified, he loses the title. So NO, it isn’t fair that he has to put up with more than anyone in this company. Edge demands the Summerslam poster be put on screen, which features DX, John Cena, Trish and Batista (Edge: “You have to get him on there before he gets injured again.”).

There’s no Edge, but he has a makeup picture because he can be on the cover of Raw Magazine. It’s a blonde from Toronto who looks like a million bucks and…..of course it’s Trish in rather limited clothing. Edge doesn’t like being bumped by someone who hasn’t won a match in over a year. Lita gets in Trish’s face and backs her into the corner but Trish comes out slapping. That’s broken up by Edge so Lita spears Trish down. Cue Carlito for the save but Edge spears him down, likely meaning a mixed tag later.

There is a one hour Diva Search special coming. Nope. This isn’t on the Network.

Kane vs. Shelton Benjamin

The winner gets Johnny Nitro, on commentary with Melina, for the Intercontinental Title. Shelton strikes away to start with little success as Kane grabs him by the throat. Kane takes him into the corner for some right hands, followed by a running clothesline. There’s the side slam but Shelton counters the chokeslam with a DDT. The second attempt works just fine though and Benjamin is done in a hurry.

Video on the Australia tour. This wasn’t on the Network either. Must be a music thing.

Here’s John Cena for a chat. He doesn’t get this Edge guy. Edge is always talking about respect, but he’s already the WWE Champion. Maybe he isn’t on the Summerslam poster because his face scared children. Apparently Edge has a 7-11 deal going and Lita is a part of it. Imagine: Slurpees for Herpes! Cena: “You can’t stop it. You can only suppress it.” Cena has a consolation prize though: Edge can be on the cover of Crying B**** Illustrated.

That’s enough fun though because Edge needs to get out here right now. Cue Jonathan Coachman instead though and Cena isn’t happy. Coach says Edge isn’t out here tonight because he and Lita are teaming up against Carlito and Trish Stratus. If Cena wants to fight though, Coach has an opponent ready for him.

John Cena vs. Viscera

Joined in progress with Viscera hitting the snap spinwheel kick to put Cena down. Viscera hits the big running splash in the corner to put Cena on the floor. That’s good for two back inside but Cena slugs away with the right hands. The slam goes rather badly though and Cena has to kick out again. The chinlock goes on but Cena fights up again and slugs away, setting up the Throwback. Cena tries the Shuffle but is quickly countered into the Boss Man Slam. Viscera misses the splash though and Cena hits the FU (those legs were SHAKING) for the quick pin.

Rating: D+. I know Cena might not be the most popular guy in the world, but being able to throw someone the size of Viscera onto his shoulders and flip him over (without his legs buckling) is one of the most impressive things you’ll see in wrestling. That is raw power and Cena looks like a superhero when he gets to showcase it. The whole match was just there for the ending and that worked fine.

This Week In Wrestling History: Showdown At Shea 1980. Zbyszko vs. Sammartino isn’t mentioned for some reason.

Vince and Shane McMahon are with the security guards but Shane has to go take care of something.

Trish Stratus is freaking out with Carlito, who she kisses to blow off some steam.

Shane goes looking for Shawn Michaels but finds the Highlanders, Candice Michelle and Torrie Wilson, but no Shawn. Instead he heads back to the locker room but Shawn jumps him from behind. The beatdown is on, with Shawn hitting a cop by mistake to get himself arrested, leaving HHH on his own tonight against Umaga. Dang that’s a coincidence.

Edge/Lita vs. Carlito/Trish Stratus

Carlito slugs away at Edge to start but gets sent face first into the middle turnbuckle. Some running clotheslines put Edge down though and it’s off to the women for a change. Trish takes Lita down to hammer away but Edge breaks up the Stratusphere. The chinlock goes on and a hair pull sends Trish right back down. Lita sends her face first into the mat but Trish is back up with the spinning headscissors. Everything breaks down and a double dropkick puts Edge and Lita on the floor as we take a break.

Back with Edge chinlocking Carlito until Edge sends him outside. That means Lita can get some shots before Edge brings him back inside for a double arm crank. Carlito jawbreaks his way to freedom though and it’s the springboard elbow to put Edge down. The hot tag brings in Trish to beat up Lita, including countering the Twist of Fate into a spinebuster for two. Everything breaks down and Edge’s spear hits Trish, earning himself a trip to the floor. Ever the opportunist, Lita steals the pin.

Rating: C. You can only get so much out of a mixed tag and that was the case again here. They had two matches going at once with the tags bridging them together, which doesn’t make for much of a match. Lita pinning Trish worked fine enough, but you could think the World Champion pinning Carlito would be a little more acceptable.

Smackdown Rebound.

Randy Orton isn’t impressed by Hulk Hogan having a torn meniscus because it’s just a way for him to get out of their Summerslam match.

Here’s Ric Flair, carrying a copy of Foley Is Good (Mick Foley’s second book). Flair talks about being from Memphis before saying he has spent ten years trying to figure out what makes Mick Foley tick. Everyone told him to read his second book, which was a look inside Foley’s head. Flair drops the book and stomps on it, followed by a knee drop for good measure.

That’s what Flair thinks of the book, except for one page. On Page 169, Foley lists his favorite matches, with his favorite being Terry Funk vs. Ric Flair. Foley knows he can’t beat Flair, but here’s Foley to say Flair has found out the secret. Yes the I Quit match with Funk was the greatest match he has ever seen and he can never be as good as Flair. Then they can have a classic at Summerslam and get Flair back to the top of the mountain where he deserved.

But that isn’t going to happen, because Flair didn’t help Foley back in 1994. Flair could have done something for his career but didn’t. Foley has made a vow to never do anything to help Flair in his life, so at Summerslam, Flair and Vince McMahon are invited to kiss his a** because the match isn’t happening.

Flair tells Foley to be a man one more time in his life because they can have the greatest hardcore match anyone has ever seen. He literally gets on his knees to beg Foley to make the match happen so Foley rants about Melina being embarrassed last week and wants an I Quit match at Summerslam. Flair gives it a WOO, but Foley says cut the music. After a career of great matches, Summerslam may be Flair’s greatest ever, but it may also be his last. Not as good as their previous stuff, but it kept things moving forward.

Randy Orton vs. Jerry Lawler

Lawler is in the all white and scores with the early slap to the face. An Irish whip sends Lawler into the ropes but he’s back with another slap. Orton rakes the eyes and dropkicks him down though, setting up the chinlock. That’s broken up and Lawler punches him down, only to miss the middle rope fist drop. The RKO doesn’t work so Orton kicks him low, setting up the RKO for the fast pin. This was just a step above nothing.

Jeff Hardy is coming back.

The Diva Search girls come out, Eric is eliminated and it’s time for Diss the Diva. Well in a minute maybe.

Summerslam rundown.

The Diva Search girls play Diss the Diva, no one likes anyone, and we’re done.

For some reason, the Hardy vignette, the pay per view rundown and both Diva Search segments are missing from the Network version.

HHH vs. Umaga

The McMahons and Armando Alejandro Estrada are here too. They slug it out to start with Umaga cutting him off with a headbutt. A low bridge puts Umaga on the floor though and a posting rocks him again. Back in and a spinwheel kick cuts HHH down without much trouble, meaning Umaga can sit on his chest. There’s the running headbutt in the Tree of Woe, followed by the running hip attack for a bonus.

Umaga headbutts the mat by mistake so HHH slugs away but has to deal with the McMahons. A missed charge sends Umaga into the corner but the Pedigree is broken up. The spinebuster gives HHH two as Vince pulls the referee out, meaning it’s time to beat up the McMahons. That’s enough of a distraction for Umaga to hit the Samoan Spike for the pin.

Rating: C-. Much like last week, this was all about advancing DX vs. the McMahon, but it also made Umaga look like a much bigger deal in a hurry. This was HHH walking Umaga through the match and letting him do his thing, which worked out well enough. Not a great match, but they did what they needed to do.

Post match, Umaga leaves the McMahons with HHH, allowing Vince to hit his own Pedigree to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Most of the Summerslam card, or at least the top of it, is all set now and that makes some of the TV shows a little slow to watch. This one was acceptable enough though and you can see most of the matches already. I’m looking forward to the pay per view, but it’s a good thing that next week is the go home show as there isn’t much left to do for the show.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Smackdown – August 4, 2006: Acknowledge Them

Smackdown
Date: August 4, 2006
Location: Continental Airlines Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 17,401
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re still on the way to Summerslam and that means King Booker is going to need an opponent. Last week’s show was pretty much a two hour version of the Great American Bash so things are kind of starting over again this week. Hopefully things get a little better, as it’s time to start setting up the next pay per view. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

US Title: William Regal vs. Finlay

Finlay is defending and Regal is not in a good mood. Regal forearms away to start and the early chinlock goes on. That’s broken up in a hurry and Finlay hits a jumping seated senton to the ribs. Back up and Regal kicks away at the ribs so they can head outside, where the Leprechaun pops out to dive onto Regal. They head inside again with Regal hitting some forearms to the head, followed by an armbar. Regal hits him in the face for two and goes outside for the shillelagh. That’s taken away though and Finlay knocks him silly for the DQ.

Rating: C. They beat each other up fairly well here but it’s the third match in less than two weeks and they didn’t have much time. That being said, these two beating on each other is always worth a look. The ending was lame, but at least they went with something other than the Leprechaun interfering again.

Post match Bobby Lashley comes in to clean house.

Sylvester Terkay vs. Scott Wright

Hold on though as Elijah Burke handles Terkay’s entrance and decides to have the match instead.

Elijah Burke vs. Scott Wright

Burke takes him down without much trouble to start and cranks on the neck. Another takedown sets up another neck crank but Wright comes back with some right hands. Burke hits a Stroke into the Rings of Saturn (the Elijah Experience) for the fast tap.

Rating: C-. This is one of the things I was looking forward to as my first experience with Burke was in OVW, where he had one of the most boring main event feuds I can ever remember against Matt Morgan. That version left a horrible taste in my mouth for him, but this one was crisp and athletic, which shows the potential that he always had. Good debut here, as he and Terkay are an interesting package.

Post match Terkay wrecks Wright again.

We’ll be hearing from all of the Diva Search contestants about why they should win. They’re hit with pies in the process.

Ashley vs. Kristal

Ashley knocks her down to start and drops an elbow but Kristal is back with an enziguri. A dropkick misses though and Ashley hammers away, only to have a monkey flip blocked. Kristal grabs a rollup with trunks for the pin. This was horrible.

Raw Rebound.

Tatanka vs. Sylvan

Before the match, we see Tatanka going through Lakota warrior training. It’s as interesting as a Quebec travelogue. Tatanka jumps him before the bell and the beating takes him outside in a hurry. Back in and some right hands have Sylvan in trouble so he goes outside again. This time a clothesline drops Tatanka and the slow stomping ensues.

We hit the chinlock so Tatanka makes the clothesline comeback. The war dance is on as JBL is in his element with the stereotypes. The Papoose To Go lets Tatanka go up top for the chop to the head. A spinning Rock Bottom finishes Sylvan (JBL: “THE INDIANS FINALLY WON A WAR! THEY BEAT THE FRENCH!”

Rating: D. This might as well have been Stereotype A vs. Stereotype B as there was nothing to be seen between two people in dead end gimmicks. Tatanka was an idea that worked in a simpler time but it wasn’t going to go anywhere in 2006. Sylvan….what else is there to even be said? Bad match and the faster they’re both forgotten about, the better everything will be.

Batista vs. Mr. Kennedy

Kennedy goes with the armbar to start and Batista just isn’t having that. A beal sends Kennedy bailing to the floor so Batista goes after him, only to get beaten down against the barricade. That just earns Kennedy a pull into the post and it’s time to choke in the corner. A dropkick to the knee cuts Batista off though and Kennedy has a target.

The leg is cranked on a bit until Batista fights up for a suplex attempt, only to have Kennedy fall onto him for two. That’s enough for Batista though as he makes the fired up comeback, including the spinebuster. The Batista Bomb finishes Kennedy despite the leg giving out on the landing.

Rating: C. This was a little bit of a weird one as Batista loses twice and then just beats Kennedy with no drama. It makes sense though, as Batista needs to be on track to get back into the main event sooner rather than later. Part of the problem with Batista is that having anyone else in the main event is going to pale in comparison to Batista, meaning he almost has to be the next challenger.

Post match Michael Cole goes to interview Batista, who says save your congratulations until he gets the title back.

Earlier today, Vito worked out in a dress.

Vito vs. Brooklyn Brawler

The dress straps come down to start and JBL goes on a rant about how stupid Vito looks. The chinlock goes on in a hurry and Vito slaps him around a bit. With the dress over Brawler’s head, Vito armbars him for the tap in a hurry. Same as every week.

A rather energetic man named Montel Vontavious Porter comes in to meet Teddy Long and suggests he get signed. Porter’s agent calls to talk to Long, who is aghast at the amount of money Porter wants.

KC James/Idol Stevens vs. Funaki/Scotty 2 Hotty

James and Stevens (later known as Damian Sandow) have Michelle McCool with them. Stevens and Scotty start things off with James hitting an early knee from the apron. That lets James add a middle rope elbow to the back but Scotty comes back with right hands. Not that it matters as Stevens slams Scotty onto James’ knee and the alternating beatdown continues.

Stevens gets two off an elbow and we hit the chinlock. Scotty is back up to escape a suplex though and the hot tag brings in Funaki to pick up the pace. The referee has to get rid of Scotty though and it’s a catapult into a missile dropkick (cool idea, though James only mostly hit him) to finish Funaki.

Rating: C. I’ve been curious about this time as the Pitbulls and James/Stevens always ran together for me. The team looked good together here and that finisher was a great concept. Sometimes that’s all you need and when you throw in Michelle as the manager, they might be onto something here.

King Booker is worried about facing Undertaker tonight so Queen Sharmell gives him a pep talk.

Here’s Chavo Guerrero to explain himself. People have been wanting to know why he betrayed Rey Mysterio, but he wants to know what betrayal means. If it means stealing from someone and taking their name, that is what Rey did to the Guerrero family. Mysterio stole Eddie Guerrero’s legacy by dedicating every match to Eddie’s memory.

Then it got even worse when Mysterio became World Champion, because he needed Chavo to retain the title over and over. Chavo couldn’t take it any more at the Great American Bash because Mysterio is a leech. Cue Rey for the brawl, with Chavo being sent into the steps. Vickie Guerrero comes down to break it up as the EDDIE chants break out.

King Booker vs. Undertaker

Non-title. Booker bails to the floor at the bell but gets chased back inside for a headlock on Undertaker. That just earns him some right hands to the face and a clothesline to the floor as we take a break (with Cole saying what sounded like “we’ll be back to the slums of New Jersey.”). Back with Undertaker striking away and lifting Booker up by one arm. Undertaker stays on the arm but Old School is broken up with an armdrag.

The second attempt works though and a Downward Spiral gives Undertaker two. Undertaker misses a running knee in the corner though, allowing Booker to wrap it around the post. Back in and Booker kicks him in the face, setting up the legdrop between the legs. Undertaker’s knee is fine enough to hit Snake Eyes into the big boot….and here’s Great Khali to jump Undertaker for the DQ.

Rating: C+. This was going well enough and the ending was the right call given who was in there. You can have Undertaker beat up Booker without getting a pin over him and the ending sets up another Summerslam match with Khali. Much like Batista, you kind of have to acknowledge Undertaker in the title picture because he’s so much bigger than almost anyone else so they checked off the box.

Post match the fight is on with Undertaker knocking Khali outside. Undertaker throws out a quick challenge to a Last Man Standing match at Summerslam.

Overall Rating: C. Good enough show here as there are some new people showing up and the road to Summerslam is becoming more clear. Smackdown has been throwing a lot of new things at the wall as of late and some of them are getting a little interesting, so hopefully we are on the verge of something better. There wasn’t much to see here, but you can figure out the Smackdown half of Summerslam from here and that’s a some good timing.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




ECW on Sci Fi – August 1, 2006 (2021 Redo): The Debut, The Return And The Oof

ECW on Sci Fi
Date: August 1, 2006
Location: Hammerstein Ballroom, New York City, New York
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

ECW is back in their secondary home and that could make for an interesting (ahem) night as the main event is Big Show defending the ECW World Title against Batista. I’m sure this will not go badly in any way shape or form. Other than that, Kurt Angle is back after a few weeks off so maybe he can make up the gap a bit. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Sandman/Tommy Dreamer vs. Test/Mike Knox

Extreme Rules and Kelly Kelly is here with Test and Knox. Dreamer and Knox start things off with Dreamer going for an armbar. Everything breaks down in about three seconds and the big brawl is on. Dreamer gets crotched on the barricade, leaving Sandman to get double teamed back inside. That doesn’t last long though as Dreamer is back in with a DDT while Sandman grabs the White Russian legsweep for the double knockdown.

It’s time to bring in some weapons and the fans are rather….not pleased actually as they want tables. You give ECW fans what they want so here’s a barbed wire board in the corner. Test uses a kendo stick to save Knox from a double suplex through the board so Dreamer trashcans him in the head.

Knox hides behind Kelly on the floor so Sandman throws Kelly inside, to the bloody Dreamer. A spanking ensues but here are Paul Heyman’s riot guards to take Dreamer out. Heyman shows up too and orders the guards to put Dreamer through the barbed wire board. Test shoves him through it again and adds the TKO for the pin.

Rating: C-. This started off feeling more like an ECW match and then it turned into WWECW in a hurry, with Test and Knox going over thanks to the screwy evil boss. That’s not exactly the kind of thing that the ECW fans are going to like, but they certainly did seem to be furious at Heyman. It’s better than nothing, but Test and Knox aren’t quite the definition of top stars.

Post break Heyman and the squad are at catering where no one will look at them. Heyman runs into Sabu though, meaning it’s another speech about how Big Show can’t be put through a match with Sabu. Threats of violence are implied but Sabu glares at Heyman anyway.

CM Punk talks about unleashing his passion during the battle.

CM Punk vs. Justin Credible

Well this is historic, and the fans are VERY happy to see Punk. Credible gets taken down into a front facelock to start and Punk wraps him up in a choke around the ropes. Some rolling suplexes get two on Punk and we hit the half crab. That’s broken up as well and Punk hits the springboard clothesline for his own two. Punk strikes away and grabs an unnamed arm trap choke for the tap.

Rating: C. Credible got in some offense here but in the end he got beaten up like he was CM Punk in the UFC. Punk looked good here and while the crowd reaction helped, he felt like someone ready to become a breakout star. It’s one of those things where you can feel the star power no matter what he is doing and it showed during his match.

Video on Batista.

Shannon Moore is on the subway.

Here’s the Brooklyn Brawler to talk about how he is too extreme for Raw or Smackdown. He is going to be ECW World Champion, but then he gets cut off.

Kurt Angle vs. Brooklyn Brawler

Ankle lock finishes in just over a minute in a vintage Brawler performance.

Video on Big Show.

Ariel and Kevin Thorn (named for the first time) promise to take ECW’s blood.

ECW World Title: Big Show vs. Batista

Batista is challenging, but the fans chant for RVD before his entrance. Oh yeah this is going to be a rough one. Show gives Batista a weird look as he heads to the ring, with Batista arguing with a fan on the way. There are a lot of middle fingers at Batista and it gets even worse when he poses. Show doesn’t get much better of a reception and the YOU BOTH SUCK chant starts at the bell. Batista slugs away in the corner and knocks Show outside as we take a break.

Back (I believe with footage from the commercial) with a BORING chant, prompting Show to shout a loud (and uncensored “F*** YOU!” to the fans. The crowd shifts to a SABU chant, so Show grabs the mic and says he’s the champ and there’s nothing the people can do about it. Now it’s back to the BORING chant, what sounds like SHOW IS FAT, and then RVD, all while Show walks around on the floor. Batista finally goes outside and gets superkicked down but the fans don’t care again.

We come back to the regular feed (ah that’s why there was no commentary) and come back with a SAME OLD S*** chant. Batista elbows his way out of the chokeslam attempt but getting knocked down again. Fans: “CHANGE THE CHANNEL!” Even commentary has no idea what to say to this, with Joey saying if anyone belongs on Sci Fi, it’s Big Show. Batista catches him on the ropes with a suplex, drawing more booing.

The clothesline comeback doesn’t work so Batista hits a spear for two. The fans find this BORING again and the chokeslam for two doesn’t make it much better. A spinebuster gets Batista out of trouble but the Batista Bomb is countered into an Air Raid Crash for two. With nothing else working, Show finally just hits Batista with the belt for the DQ.

Rating: F. There is a lot to go through here as you can blame just about everyone involved with the whole thing. First of all, WWE should have known that this wasn’t going to work with these people in front of this audience. I say should have because WWE hasn’t quite known what to do with ECW since the beginning so I’m not surprised.

Then you have the fans, who were just not having any of this. The fans did not want to see this match and let WWE know about it. It’s not their fault that they were led to believe (by the ECW letters) that they were getting one thing and then getting another. This is not what they wanted to see and they let WWE know, as the match could have been Flair vs. Steamboat and gotten the same reception.

Finally there are the wrestlers, who were left in an unwinnable situation. At the end of the day, there was nothing they could do to make it work and that was obvious during their entrances. It also didn’t help that Batista had no idea how to respond to something like this and was completely lost, ultimately reverting to his usual stuff. Show at least played to the crowd a bit, but they were probably right to just cut the cord and go home when they did.

All in all, this was a complete disaster and I’m not a bit surprised, as everyone involved either missed the point or did not want to do this in the first place. It doesn’t help that the match was barely anything of note, and hopefully this wraps up the guest stars experiment, as it was only so good in the first place and now you can see just how bad it can be.

Post match Sabu comes in to pelt a chair at Show’s head and hit the Arabian Facebuster. A dropkick into a chair into Show’s head knocks him off the apron and through the table to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was all about the fans and that made for a rather weird show. The opener wasn’t good and the main event was an all time mess, but the two matches in the middle (combining to last about five minutes) worked well and were the kind of thing the crowd wanted to see. Hopefully this is the kind of show that changes things going forward, because even though this was a show in New York, you can’t risk a crowd treating your show like that again.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Smackdown – July 28, 2006: The Stephanie Just Had A Baby Show

Smackdown
Date: July 28, 2006
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re done with the Great American Bash and the big story coming out of the show is King Booker defeating Rey Mysterio to end one of the weakest World Title reigns in recent memory. It would seem that all roads now lead to Summerslam in about a month and Booker is going to need a challenger. Let’s get to it.

Here is the Great American Bash if you need a recap.

We look at Chavo Guerrero costing Rey Mysterio the World Title at Great American Bash.

Opening sequence.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Batista

Bash rematch after Kennedy’s head was busted open so badly that his skull was visible (geez). Batista isn’t having any of this arm stuff from Kennedy, who is shoved into the corner early on. Kennedy gets shoved away again and Batista hits the shoulders to the ribs. Back up and Kennedy starts in on the leg to take over, including cranking away on the mat. They head outside for the brawl, where Batista clotheslines the post by mistake. Kennedy punches him off the apron though and it’s another countout to make Kennedy 2-0 against Batista.

Rating: D+. These wins against Batista aren’t exactly game changers but they are doing something for Kennedy. Just having him out there in the ring with Batista and not getting destroyed is going to do something for him and that’s the kind of thing WWE can use. Batista isn’t even getting beaten so much as losing so it is quite the efficient use of both guys.

Tonight: King Booker is crowned King of the World.

Wrestlemania is coming to Detroit on April 1 and WWE had the press conference to prove it.

Vito vs. Simon Dean

Earlier today, Vito walked around in the dress. Dean jumps him to start and hammers away as JBL plugs his FOX show and makes various jokes about Cole and Vito. The chinlock doesn’t last long as Vito fights up and hits a suplex (with the blurring starting up as the dress comes up). The attempted use of the Simon System bag doesn’t work so it’s the implant DDT to drop Dean. Vito armbars him for the win.

Rating: D. I’m not sure how much longer Vito can keep doing this but it’s not exactly thrilling stuff. It’s bottom of the barrel material and I can’t imagine anything really coming from it. That being said, it does help that they aren’t treating it as anything more than comic relief and they’re in and out in a hurry most weeks.

Rey Mysterio won’t talk about Chavo Guerrero because he wants the World Title back in tonight’s rematch.

Tatanka vs. Sylvan

Yes, this is the best they can think of for their TV time after Vito in a dress. Tatanka kicks him into the corner to start and slaps on a headlock as JBL makes Bingo/casino jokes. A thumb to the eye lets Sylvan send him shoulder first into the post and it’s time to work on that arm.

Back up and Tatanka misses a charge into the corner, allowing Sylvan to grab a belly to back for two. That’s about it for the offense as Tatanka hits a backdrop and the chops, including the top rope chop to the head. The Papoose To Go only gets two (that’s a rare one) so Grenier goes after his tomahawk. Since the referee doesn’t want potential murder in his match, he takes it away, allowing Grenier to hit a low blow. The TKO finishes Tatanka.

Rating: D. So that happened. I’m not sure what they’re going for this with this show and having people like Sylvan, Vito and Tatanka getting back to back matches isn’t the best way to get the energy going. On top of that, the match actually got some time to really hammer in the troubles, though that might be due to a stereotypical Native American vs. an ambassador in 2006.

Post match, Grenier throws Tatanka’s headdress on the floor to, hopefully not at least, keep things going.

Michelle McCool vs. Jillian Hall

Kristal and Ashley are the seconds. Michelle doesn’t seem to think much of Jillian’s looks as JBL loses it over Cole talking about athleticism, suggesting that Vito and Cole head to a bar together. Jillian hammers away in the corner and hits a crossbody. McCool’s face is put into Jillian’s chest (JBL: “If she had done that move with me, I wouldn’t have had to fire her.” Hall misses a running flip legdrop and Michelle grabs a rollup with feet on the ropes for the fast pin.

Chavo Guerrero joins us on the Titantron to say that he only owes Rey Mysterio an explanation. He’ll be here next week to explain the true meaning of a Guerrero.

It’s time for King Booker’s coronation, including trumpeters, a flower girl, a red carpet, and a carriage to bring Booker and Booker and Queen Sharmell to the ring. Balloons fall and it takes a long time for the two of them to get in the ring. Booker handles his own introduction but here’s Rey Mysterio to seated senton him through the throne. A 619 drops Booker as well and referees finally break it up.

William Regal and Finlay argue a bit about their rematch tonight, but they both seem to be looking forward to the fight.

US Title: Finlay vs. William Regal

Regal is challenging in a rematch from the Bash. Finlay takes him down by the leg and stomps on the finger a few times. A sunset flip doesn’t work for Regal as Finlay sits on his chest and grabs a chinlock. Finlay sends him face first into the apron but Regal is right back with a catapult into the post. Back in and Regal grabs his own chinlock, followed by a suplex for a few near falls. The exploder suplex gets three two counts in a row but here’s the Leprechaun to go after the turnbuckle pad. The referee fixes it, allowing the Leprechaun to hit Regal low. A rollup with trunks retains Finlay’s title.

Rating: C. It wasn’t what they did on Sunday but it wasn’t supposed to be. This was about two people beating the heck out of each other until the rather busy ending. What mattered here was having the Leprechaun get involved again and they had a nice fight cut off in a hurry. Finlay retaining was fine too, as it’s not like he should be losing anytime soon.

Raw Rebound.

It’s time for the Diva Search girls to play musical chairs. Miz, who rather misses Maryse, handles getting rid of the chairs. JT wins as I miss the days of Eugene running Raw and having people like Flair, Lawler and Stacy in the same game.

Paul Heyman comes in to see Teddy Long, who he wants on ECW next week. Long can even bring a Smackdown wrestler to face Big Show. That’s fine with Long, who picks Batista, which Heyman didn’t expect.

The debuting Elijah Burke introduces Sylvester Terkay.

Matt Hardy vs. Sylvester Terkay

Terkay takes him down and hammers away as JBL lists off Terkay’s MMA/amateur credentials. An armbar sets up a belly to belly for two on Hardy and Terkay backfists him in the head. Another armbar makes Hardy tap in a hurry. Terkay looked good in a short burst.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. King Booker

Booker, with Queen Sharmell, is defending. Rey gets hammered into the corner to start but a sunset flip sets up a basement dropkick to rock the king. It’s too early for a 619 though as Booker bails to the floor and we take a break. Back with Rey slugging away in the corner and hitting a dropkick to the floor.

Rey misses a dive to the floor and the knee is banged up in the process. The sidekick lets Booker hammer away at the mask, followed by a side slam to cut off the comeback. We hit the armbar on Rey but he’s back up with a headscissors. Three Amigos have Booker down but here’s Chavo Guerrero to pull Rey off the apron. Rey is sent into the barricade and the ax kick retains the title.

Rating: C. This was just a quick way to get something in for the sake of writing off the rematch and getting it out of the way. They did almost the same ending as Sunday, minus about fifteen minutes of setup. That isn’t exactly a great way to go, but it is the necessary step to take to get things to Summerslam.

Overall Rating: D. I’m going to write this one off as the Stephanie Just Had A Baby Show, because this was a mixture of rematches from the pay per view (with rather similar finishes), the nothing lower card stuff and musical chairs. Assuming that is what happened, this was just a one off misfire, but if not then we could be in for a rather long next few months.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




ECW on Sci Fi – July 25, 2006 (2020 Redo): They Need Something New

ECW on Sci Fi
Date: July 25, 2006
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Things continue to just kind of exist around here and that’s not the best place to be. I’m not sure how long they can keep going with Big Show defending against various people, but that’s about all they have at the moment. Hopefully the latest guest star works though because that’s all they have. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Mike Knox and Kelly Kelly (officially with two names) are in the ring to start and we get a highlight package of Kelly’s Exposes. Knox says she can never take her clothes off in public again and we see Kelly getting caned in the head last week. That was absolutely Sandman’s fault and Knox left to get her medical held. Now it’s time for some revenge.

Sandman vs. Mike Knox

Joey calls Sandman a blue collar beer drinking character. Knox pounds away to start and hits some right hands on the mat, only to get caught with the White Russian legsweep. The Singapore cane is brought in so Knox hides behind Kelly, only to have Test come in to jump Sandman for the fast DQ.

The TKO leaves Sandman laying and Test leaves with Knox and an annoyed Kelly.

Post break, Test and Knox are rather pleased but Tommy Dreamer jumps them with a trashcan.

Sabu wants an ECW Title match but Paul Heyman won’t let it happen because it’s too dangerous. Actually Sabu being here is too dangerous, so he has the night off. Heyman turns and accuses Little Guido of talking about him, so the security jumps him. Guido is done, so security has him taken to the ring for his match.

CM Punk talks about growing up in Chicago and seeing a lot of people come and go. He debuts next week.

Vampire vs. Little Guido

Ariel is in the unnamed vampires’s (oh sorry: follower of vampirism) corner. The mostly done Guido tries to fight back but gets kicked down, setting up a fireman’s carry Stunner off the ropes. A Razor’s Edge finishes Guido.

Video on Kane, who is challenging Big Show tonight.

Shannon Moore is still coming.

Justin Credible vs. Balls Mahoney

Mahoney pounds away to start and they head outside with the beatdown continuing. Back in and Justin scores with a legdrop into a northern lights suplex for two. We hit the chinclock, followed by the chinlock with a knee in the back. A belly to back suplex gets Mahoney out of trouble and the snap jabs put Credible down. The BORING chants are on, even as Justin misses a baseball slide into the post. The baseball slide only hits post but Justin gets in a shot of his own and heads outside for a chair. Mahoney takes it away and hits Justin for the DQ.

Rating: D-. And that’s why this version of ECW is never going to work. They had a bad match on their own with no extreme rules, and without extreme rules, there is nothing to make these two worth watching. Credible was always bland in the ring and Mahoney only worked in the hardcore stuff. Therefore, giving them six minute and leaving them hanging out there was a horrible plan and it is no surprise that this was a disaster.

Post match Mahoney chairs the referee too.

Big Show tells Paul Heyman to bring on the challengers but Heyman tells him to focus on Kane tonight.

We get a tale of the tape for Kane vs. Big Show and Kane’s hometown is listed as Death Valley. When was he EVER listed as being from anywhere?

Video on Sabu.

Kurt Angle is back next week.

ECW World Title: Big Show vs. Kane

Show is defending and it’s Extreme Rules. They shove each other around to start and Show tosses him to the floor. Kane manages to post him and pulls out some tables and chairs. Show knocks him down though and we take a break. Back with Show hitting the chop against the ropes and then sending him head first into a chair in the corner.

A Vader Bomb is broken up with a low blow and Kane hits a belly to back superplex for a double knockdown. They slug it out from their knees until Kane sends him into the corner for a running clothesline. Show hits a quick chokeslam for two and heads to the floor to set up a pair of tables.

That takes too long though and Kane chairs him off the apron through the tables. Cue Heyman to talk to Show until Kane throws (the now bleeding) Show back inside. Kane’s top rope clothesline is pulled out of the air for another chokeslam but Kane reverses into a DDT. Heyman pulls the referee out though, allowing Show to chair Kane down. Another chokeslam onto the chair retains the title.

Rating: C+. That’s probably the best of the guest star matches so far and I can’t say I’m surprised. Kane is good with the violence and these two beating on each other is a fine way to spend fifteen minutes. Maybe it’s just due to how lame the rest of the show was, but at least it worked out fine for a TV main event without much drama.

Post match here’s Sabu to dropkick a chair into Show’s face. Heyman looks worried and annoyed to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The main event helped but this show was really lacking badly. You can only get so far when one match on the show matters and even that was only so good. The show just did not work and if they don’t come up with something better than “Big Show vs. this guy”, it’s going to get worse in a hurry. Sabu s pretty much the only ECW original worth a title shot at the moment, so hopefully things can pick up a bit in the next few weeks.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

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