Royal Rumble 1993
Date: January 24, 1993
Location: ARCO Arena, Sacramento, California
Attendance: 16,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

This is a pretty forgotten show for reasons that should be obvious. First of all, this is 1993, one of the worst years in company history from a creative standpoint. Bret is defending the title against Razor Ramon (his only world title shot ever) and we’ve got the Rumble for the title shot at Wrestlemania for the first time. I don’t know if that’s official here, but the winner did indeed get the shot at the biggest show of the year. Let’s get to it.

Historical note: this is 13 days after the debut of Monday Night Raw.

Steiner Brothers vs. Beverly Brothers

For you ECW freaks, Bill Alfonzo is the referee. Scott and I think Blake start things off. This is the Steiners’ first major match and the fans seem to love them right off the bat. Scott immediately takes him to the mat with a top wristlock, causing Blake to freak out with a claim of tights being pulled. That sequence worked so well that they do it again. Heenan is very excited about the debut of Narcissist, which is Lex Luger as a guy obsessed with his muscles. In other words, Lex Luger debuts tonight.

After Blake stalls some more, here’s Beau to taunt the not legal Rick. There’s the tag to Rick who chases Beau around and hits Blake in the process. A powerslam puts Rick down and I don’t think Gorilla knows which Beverly is which. Since this is a Steiners match, it’s time for suplexes! Scott nearly kills Beau with a belly to belly and everything breaks down for a bit, allowing the Beverlies to take over on Scotty.

We get into a standard formula with Scott having his back worked on by both villains. Blake chokes with a tag rope in the corner for two. Heenan: “Gotta hook the tights.” Gorilla: “WHAT?” I love how shocked he sounds every time Heenan says something like that. Beau puts on a Boston Crab but Scott easily pushes out of it. Blake blocks a tag and let’s make sure that we’re LIVE still. What was WWF’s obsession with that?

Scott avoids an elbow drop but Blake breaks up the hot tag again. The crowd is silent when the Beverlies are on offense. Scott comes back with a butterfly powerbomb to put Blake down and Scott actually dives through the ropes and tags at the same time. Rick cleans house and there are Steiner Lines for both Beverlies. Scott pounds on Blake in the corner and counters a Doomsday Device with a victory roll for two. The Frankensteiner to Beau gets the pin.

Rating: D+. Pretty dull match here as the Steiners were clearly going to dominate the entire time. The Beverlies never got above lower midcard status and their biggest feud was against the Bushwhackers. What were you going to expect them to do against the freaking STEINER BROTHERS? Nothing here but a squash.

We recap the Rockers’ time together and their split. If my eyesight is correct, you can see Shane Douglas as a jobber. After the Barber Shop incident, Jannetty was out for months. He finally returned on Superstars, setting up the match tonight for Shawn’s Intercontinental Title. During his return, Jannetty accidentally hit Sheri with a mirror, which is important to know for the match.

Intercontinental Title: Marty Jannetty vs. Shawn Michaels

Sherri is at ringside with the question being who would she side with? Why would she side with Marty anyway? I never got that. Apparently it’s because Shawn never called her while she was in the hospital….which she was in because of Marty. So why would she ever go with Jannetty? Apparently Jannetty was drunk during this match. That might make things a bit funnier if nothing else.

Jannetty controls to start, sending Shawn to the floor twice with a knee lift and a clothesline. Marty punches Shawn down on the floor and poses in the ring. He tries a punch off the top but gets caught in the ribs on the way down. Shawn loads Marty up on his shoulder and in one of the only times I can ever remember it working, rams Marty shoulder first into the post.

The champ rams the other shoulder into the post because he hit the right one the first time, and you just don’t do that. Back in and Shawn hits a shoulderbreaker before sending Marty to the floor again. Back in and the shoulder goes into the buckle, followed by a double ax right down onto it as well. We hit the armbar but Marty fights out quickly. He tries a comeback but walks into a DDT on the arm for two.

Quick sidebar: why is that move called a single arm DDT? It’s a hold used on the arm, but the double arm DDT is used to hurt the head. Also a regular DDT uses just one arm, so why is this called a single arm DDT instead of the regular one? These are the kinds of things I think about when I’m bored by a match.

Anyway, Shawn does the always stupid looking jump into the boot spot. I mean he jumped RIGHT AT Marty’s feet. What could he possibly have been trying there? Marty avoids a charge in the corner, sending Shawn’s shoulder into the post instead. Marty speeds things up and pounds away, only to have Shawn slingshot him out to the floor. Shawn goes to pick him up but Marty suplexes him out to the floor.

Sherri finally does something by slapping Shawn, who gets belly to back suplexed into the ring. Shawn gets launched to the floor again as the pace picks up a bit. A powerslam puts the champ down but Shawn avoids the top rope punch. Marty stops himself before crashing and gets two off a DDT. Shawn misses a superkick and gets caught by one of his own for two. The crowd is getting into this.

Marty slingshots Shawn so he gets to do his big bump onto the post. There goes the referee via an elbow to the face and Sherri comes in. She swings her shoe but hits Marty by mistake of course. Shawn yells at her a lot and then superkicks Marty in the chest for the pin to retain.

Rating: C+. This started slow, picked up a good bit during Marty’s comeback, and then had a horribly uninteresting ending. Seriously, that’s it? These two would have a rematch soon after on Raw which won Match of the Year in a contest for least bad match of the year for all intents and purposes.

In the back, Gene yells at Sherri to calm down. Marty comes to the back for some more brawling.

Heenan and Gorilla argue a bit.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Big Boss Man

Bigelow jumps Boss Man in the corner to start and Boss is in trouble early. He gets whipped into the corner and a Bigelow forearm knocks him to the outside. This is one of those “do one move then stand around for awhile” matches. Boss Man comes back with some clotheslines and some punches to the “face” in the corner. Another right hand and a bulldog puts Bigelow down but Boss Man’s charge is countered by a backdrop to the floor.

Off to a body vice by Bigelow which is a rather dull move as usual. A hot shot puts Boss Man down for two and some shots to his back keeps him down. We hit the body vice again but Boss Man comes back with a suplex. It hurts him more than Bigelow though, as Bam is up first. Boss Man starts his real comeback with a punch to the face and a running crotch attack to Bigelow’s back. Bigelow gets a boot up in the corner and clotheslines Boss Man down. The flying headbutt gets the pin.

Rating: D. This was pure filler and not even entertaining filler. Bigelow was on the rise at this point while Boss Man would be gone in less than two months. On top of that, the match was really dull with Bigelow laying around and working on Boss Man’s back most of the time, which doesn’t make for an interesting match at all.

We get a clip from WWF Mania (Saturday morning show) of Razor beating up Owen to hype the world title match.

Razor says he’s got gold around his fingers and neck and now he wants it around his waist.

Bret says he’s ready.

WWF World Title: Razor Ramon vs. Bret Hart

Feeling out process to start with Razor getting the early advantage with some right hands. A knee in the corner misses and Bret has on the Figure Four in less than 90 seconds. Razor gets the rope so Bret drops elbows on the knee instead. The leg gets wrapped around the post before Bret goes after the other leg in the corner for some reason. Ramon comes back with a whip to send Bret ribs first into the post.

Now we get to the best part of any Bret Hart match: him getting the tar beaten out of him. Some backbreakers on the floor keep Bret down and we head inside again. Razor pounds on the ribs some more and hits the fallaway slam for two. Helen Hart (Bret’s mom) is in the front row. There’s the chest first into the buckle bump from Bret for two more and it’s off to the abdominal stretch, another Razor trademark.

As always, Bret reverses Hall’s hold into one of his own before getting hiptossed over. Bret is sent to the floor on a kickout and gets two on a sunset flip. We hit the reverse chinlock by Razor, followed quickly by a bearhug. Bret bites his way out of it and sends Razor to the outside in a quick move. The champion follows it up with a suicide dive and the comeback is on.

Bret pounds away in the corner over and over as we hit the brawl. For a guy known as a technical master, Bret brawled an awful lot. Not that he’s bad at it or anything but it happens really often. There are the Five Moves of Doom but Razor gets to the rope before the Sharpshooter is on. The second attempt doesn’t work either as Razor pulls the referee into a pile with the two of them.

Ramon goes right back to the ribs and Bret’s momentum is stopped dead. A belly to back superplex is blocked by Bret into a belly to back suplex for two for the champ. Razor clotheslines Bret down but Bret escapes the Razor’s Edge into a backslide for two. In a pretty awesome ending, Bret counters a test of strength into a sunset flip in a sweet flip counter, followed by grapevining the legs together on the mat and turning Razor over into the Sharpshooter for the submission.

Rating: B. Good match here and again, why did Razor never get more title matches? I know he wasn’t the kind of guy to make the world champion, but are you telling me that when the company was falling apart at times they couldn’t throw him in there as a token challenger? I would have bought him as legit threat to any champion, but it never happened. I’ve never gotten that. Anyway, solid match here as you would expect from these two.

Heenan unveils Narcissist, which is Lex Luger in front of a bunch of mirrors. Lots of posing commences and Heenan sounds like he’s in love. Well at least extreme lust. Luger says he’ll be dominant. Not much here. A curtain is lowered over Luger and Heenan actually gets on his knees, begging to see more. I’ve heard of overtones but this is ridiculous.

Here are Caesar and Cleopatra to hype up Wrestlemania. They read a proclamation about it and this is really stupid.

Royal Rumble

Ric Flair is #1 and Bob Backlund, going through a career resurgence at the time, is #2. Backlund drops Flair with a shoulder and does his little dance. Flair pounds him into the corner but Bob backdrops him down. Papa Shango is #3 and is dumped out by Flair in less than thirty seconds. Backlund it sent to the apron and Flair stomps away. They chop it out until Ted DiBiase, I believe half of the tag champions here, is #4.

Heenan makes fun of Backlund as the double teaming ensues, prompting Gorilla to threaten to knock Bobby out. Backlund is beaten on even more until Brian Knobs is #5. The Nasties are good guys at this point and happen to be feuding with Money Inc. Guess who he starts swinging at. Knobs almost dumps Flair but only gets him to the apron. Things slow down for a bit until Virgil is #6. The faces team up to fight the heels as not a lot is going on at this point.

DiBiase tosses out Knobs and we’re down to four in the ring again. Here’s the pretty new Jerry Lawler at #7 in a HUGE cape. I think he’s a heel here but Flair grabs him for some chops almost immediately. Flair goes to the floor through the middle ropes so Virgil goes after Lawler. Flair gets back in and Jerry immediately goes after him. Oh never mind as Heenan is praising Lawler. He’s a heel alright.

Max Moon (presumably played by Konnan) is #8. He hits a few moves and is dumped by Lawler before anyone else shows up. Lawler’s attire is really intricate here with lots of writing on it instead of the usual two color design. I kind of like it for a change. Japanese legend Genichiro Tenryu is #9 and he starts a chop-off with Flair as you would expect them to do.

Things slow down a bit until Mr. Perfect is #9 at a full sprint. Heenan: “OH NO! OH DEAR GOD NO!!!” Perfect immediately goes after Flair so Ric goes to the top. There’s the slam off the top and the Hennig Neck Snap as Heenan is having a heart attack. We hear about the loser leaves the WWF match tomorrow on Raw between the two of them, which is a very rare match for some reason.

Skinner is #11 and he does nothing before Perfect shoves Flair out to a HUGE pop. Lawler (looking very different here for some reason that I can’t place) pounds away on Hennig as we’re back down to six people in there. That’s usually the right amount so thankfully they’ve gotten through the first third without things getting too hectic. Koko B. Ware and those big green pants of his are #12. Heenan: “Koko B. Ware could go to Wrestlemania to face Bret Hart. Gorilla: “What’s wrong with that?” Heenan: “IT SHOULD BE RIC FLAIR!!!”

Perfect dropkicks Skinner out and not a lot is going on again. Here’s Samu at #13, giving us a group of Backlund, DiBiase, Tenryu, Virgil, Perfect, DiBiase, Lawler and Ware. Lawler and Perfect keep going at it in a feud that could have been AMAZING in Memphis. Berzerker is #14 as we need to get rid of some people in there. Lawler misses a charging punch on Perfect and there he goes. With Perfect distracted, DiBiase and Ware team up (you’ll NEVER hear that again) to kick him out with an assist from Lawler. Virgil was thrown out during that melee, getting us down to just six again.

The Undertaker is #15 to a BIG pop. Gorilla calls him the odds on favorite. I’m not sure I’d go that far but whatever. Berzerker goes to the floor and beats up Backlund (not eliminated) with a chair. Taker puts Samu out and no sells a lot of Tenryu’s stuff before dumping him as well. We’ve got Backlund (mostly dead on the floor), Taker, Berzerker, DiBiase and Ware in at the moment. Terry Taylor (he still had a job at this point?) is in at #16 and he’s gone in less than thirty seconds thanks to DiBiase, as is Ware.

There’s a chokeslam to DiBiase and Taker dumps him, leaving Berzerker against Taker. In one of the biggest “oh great it’s this guy” moments ever, Giant Gonzales debuts as Taker dumps Berzerker. Gonzales, a legit 7’7 tall, stares down at Taker as Damien Demento (don’t ask) is #17. Gonzales chops Taker out for an illegal elimination. In case you’re not familiar, Gonzales is a monster who makes Great Khali look like Lou Thesz. Speaking of Khali, he was literally the same character as Gonzales in a repeat of the same exact story the Undertaker was involved in in 1992. In short, both of them sucked and were really tall.

Gonzales destroys Taker for a bit as Demento still won’t get in. IRS is #18 as the Giant is still beating up Taker. It’s IRS, Backlund and Demento at the moment with Taker out cold in the corner. Tatanka is #19 as Paul Bearer uses the Urn to revive Taker. This of course is all the fans focus on, making the match in the ring look even less interesting than it already is, which is saying a lot when you think about it. Lots of choking ensues until Jerry Sags is #20.

There is NOTHING going on here and I don’t think Typhoon at #21 is going to help things at all. Fatu is #22 and my goodness I have never heard more silence for an entrance. NOTHING is going on here and Earthquake is #23. He immediately goes after….Typhoon, his partner. They have a fat man brawl for a bit until Quake dumps him out. Carlos Colon, aged 44 and called a youngster by Monsoon is #24.

Colon dumps Demento as the eliminations are keeping the crowd on life support. Quake can’t put Backlund out as Tito Santana is #25. Fatu misses a charge at Backlund and eliminates himself. We’ve got Quake, Backlund, Santana, IRS, Tatanka, Colon and Sags in there at the moment. Rick Martel is #26 who is STILL feuding with Santana. Why did they never have a big match to blow off that feud? It went on for like four years or so.

Earthquake dumps IRS and now we get to the first interesting part of the match in WAY too long: Backlund is sent to the apron and the crowd collectively gasps until he gets back in. Gorilla actually swears at how big the reaction is. Yokozuna is #27 and it’s time to clear some space. Yoko and Tatanka chop it out and there goes the guy with red hair (figure out which is which).

Colon is out and it’s time for the fat man showdown with Quake vs. Yoko. They collide a few times and no one moves so Quake pounds him into the corner. Owen Hart is #28. Quake splashes Yoko in the corner but the second attempt misses. Yoko suplexes Quake out and that more or less seals the winner. Repo Man is #29 and is immediately dropped by Yoko. Everybody gangs up on Yoko and it doesn’t work at all.

Randy Savage is #30, giving us a final group of Savage, Yokozuna, Repo Man, Owen, Martel, Santana, Sags and Backlund. They’re not even trying to hide the winner at this point. Yoko dumps Tito as Owen dropkicks Sags out. Owen skins the cat to save himself before being dumped by Yoko and possibly injuring his knee. Repo is out and we’re down to four. Backlund actually picks up Martel to sit him on top and punches him out. The place is WAY into Backlund here, so he goes after Yoko. A pair of dropkick put Yoko against the ropes but Backlund charges into the elimination, drawing a standing ovation.

So it’s Savage vs. Yoko and the beating of the small man begins. Yoko flattens him over and over again until Savage fires off a bunch of kicks out of the corner. The fans are trying to get behind Savage and there’s a top rope ax handle. One to the back gets Yoko down to one knee. Uh…why would you want to knock a guy this big DOWN in a battle royal?

Either way he superkicks Savage to knock him down again and there’s the belly to belly. The legdrop crushes Savage but the Banzai Drop misses. In one of the STUPIDEST endings ever to the Rumble, Savage hits the elbow and COVERS, getting launched over the top rope on the kickout to send Yoko to Las Vegas for the title shot.

Rating: D. This was one of the worst Rumbles of all time. The main problem here is the period after Taker, the only guy you could actually see eliminating Yoko, was eliminated. From then until the time Backlund got close to the longevity record (which he got), there’s NOTHING. It’s a bunch of lame midcarders standing around lifting each others’ legs in the air. Why would I want to see that at all? Anyway, nothing to see here and a BAD Rumble.

Overall Rating: D+. There’s a reason no one cares at all about 1993 WWF: it’s really not very good. The title matches here aren’t bad but other than that, this show is pretty freaking terrible. The Rumble sucks the life out of the show, as the highlights are a two minute segment between Flair and Perfect and the Backlund part at the end. When the whole match is 65 minutes long, that doesn’t hold up. Weak show here.

Ratings Comparison

Steiner Brothers vs. Beverly Brothers

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty

Original: C

Redo: C+

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Big Boss Man

Original: D+

Redo: D

Bret Hart vs. Razor Ramon

Original: B

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: D

Redo: D+

Not much change here.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/12/royal-rumble-count-up-1993/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 1992
Date: January 19, 1992
Location: Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, New York
Attendance: 17,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

This year’s Rumble is often called the greatest ever, but I wonder how much of that is because of Bobby Heenan’s masterful commentary. The WWF Title is on the line in the Rumble, which to date (2012) is the only time this has ever happened. I could see that being a really good stipulation again, but for some reason it never has again. I remember loving this show so let’s get to it.

We start with the usual listing of most of the people in the Rumble, all of whom are #1 contenders I suppose.

Heenan is betting on Flair for tonight’s Rumble. Also we’ve got a NEW Intercontinental Champion as Mountie has beaten Bret Hart over the weekend. Now there’s something you don’t see everyday.

Orient Express vs. New Foundation

It’s Owen/Neidhart as the Foundation here. Owen and Kato start thing off here. All four guys look like they’re in pajamas here. Owen takes him down to the mat by the arm before climbing up the ropes (not in the corner mind you but just the ropes) to backflip into the ring for an armdrag. A rana puts Kato down and it’s off to Neidhart vs. Tanaka. Tanaka gets run over as well, so here’s Owen to beat him up.

Tanaka gets caught by an enziguri and it’s back to Neidhart. The Express gets clotheslined down by Jim and Owen adds a double cross body for two. A spinwheel kick gets the same for Hart so Kato tries to come in sans tag. The distraction lets Fuji hit Owen with the cane to finally give the Express control. Tanaka hooks a chinlock as this isn’t exactly as fast paced as last year’s opener.

Owen gets to do Bret’s chest to the buckle bump before charging into a superkick in the other corner for two. After Kato comes in and does nothing, here’s Tanaka again for a headbutt to the abdomen. A chinlock goes nowhere but a headbutt gets two on Owen. Neidhart gets the tag but the referee doesn’t see it of course. The distraction allows Fuji to put the cane on the corner and Owen’s shoulder goes through it in a loud crunch.

It only gets two though as Owen gets a leg over the rope. Kato channels his inner Anderson with a hammerlock slam before it’s back to Tanaka. Owen finally escapes and things break down for a bit, resulting in a double clothesline for two on Hart. A superkick to the chest doesn’t put Owen down, but Tanaka jumping over Kato to land on Hart’s back does. Hart comes back with a dropkick to take out both members of the Express at once. There’s the hot tag to Neidhart and house is cleaned. Owen dives onto Kato before a Rocket Launcher gets the pin on Tanaka.

Rating: B-. Decent match here but it felt like they were trying to do the same match that worked so well in 1991. The problem was the Express wasn’t anything that good anymore and the team was gone almost immediately after this. Either way, the match wasn’t bad and it’s fine for an opener. The New Foundation never quite did anything until 1994 when Owen was a heel.

We get a clip from the house show where Mountie won the IC Title from Bret. Post match he kept beating on Bret but Roddy Piper came out for the save.

Jimmy and Mountie brag about winning the title. Mountie is ready for Piper tonight.

Piper is ready for Mountie and tells Mountie to just try to take his manhood.

Intercontinental Title: Roddy Piper vs. The Mountie

Piper slowly removes his kilt and Mountie cracks jokes. When the champ turns his head, Piper shoves the kilt in his face and takes over quickly. We head to the floor with Mountie quickly reeling. Back in the ring and Mountie chokes a bit before getting punched in the face. A very delayed bulldog puts Mountie down and Piper easily wins a slugout. He misses a dropkick though and Mountie puts on a half nelson. A jumping back elbow gets two for Mountie as does a sunset flip for Piper. Piper atomic drops him to the apron but Mountie skins the cat. He also collides with Jimmy Hart and the sleeper gives Piper the title.

Rating: D. The match itself sucked but there was never any doubt about this match at all. Mountie is about as textbook a definition of a transitional champion as you’ll ever see and the place went NUTS when Piper won the title. This would be Piper’s only singles title in the WWF and his only title period (other than those before he got to the WWF in the first place) until he won the US Title in WCW for less than two weeks.

Hogan says he has no friends in the Rumble tonight. He talks to Lord Alfred Hayes about tea because Hayes is British and that’s about it.

The Bushwhackers and Jamison…..oh geez it’s him. This is one of the most annoying characters in wrestling history. He’s supposed to be the ultimate nerd, with a nasal voice, taped up glasses, a suit that doesn’t fit, and every other stereotype you can think of. Oh and he smells like sardines apparently. Let’s get this over with.

Beverly Brothers vs. Bushwhackers

This is more about the managers (Genius and Jamison respectively) more than the teams. Jamison chews on his tie as the Whackers do their arm thing to the audience. The Whackers lick each other and Jamison pulls out a roll for a snack. One of the Beverlies slaps Butch in the head so the Beverlies get chased to the floor. We FINALLY get started with Blake vs. Luke with the blonde (the Beverlies) in control.

The Beverly gets bitten on the tights and the Whackers clear the ring again. Jamison throws bread at Genius as the match stalls again. Now Jamison blows his nose in his sock. The fans don’t care at all here. Beau comes in now to beat on Butch but for the third time in like five minutes the Whackers clear the ring again. The Beverlies try to sneak up on the Whackers but keep getting chased off.

Double teaming to Luke’s back finally gets us down to a match, but let’s keep the camera on Jamison. Jamison keeps chewing on his tie as this keeps up the dullness. A guillotine gets two on Luke as we hit the highlight of the match. No seriously, other than that it’s been “comedy” and punching. Genius slaps Jamison to no reaction from anyone at all. A neckbreaker and legdrop hit Luke for no cover. Luke gets away with a move that I’m too bored to remember and it’s off to Butch. Things break down and Beau hits a top rope ax handle on Butch for the pin.

Rating: T. As in The Worst Match In Rumble History. Literally. Up to this point the Rumble has had some dull matches but this was absolutely horrible. There’s nothing of value here at all and it went on for FIFTEEN MINUTES. The Beverlies weren’t even over so this just kept going and going without ever getting anywhere. Absolutely terrible.

Jamison kicks Genius in the shin post match in another moment that gets no reaction.

The LOD says they’ll still have the belts after tonight and the Disasters’ tongues will be hanging out like dead deer. Did I mention Hawk was pretty insane at this point?

Tag Titles: Legion of Doom vs. Natural Disasters

LOD is defending here. Typhoon (formerly Tugboat) and Hawk start things off. They collide a few times with no one going anywhere so Hawk goes up and takes Typhoon down with a top rope clothesline. Off to Quake who Hawk can’t hurt either. A dropkick doesn’t have any effect so Hawk convinces Quake to try one of his own. Guess how well that one goes. Off to Animal for a slugout which is a draw.

Animal starts hitting the ropes and speeds WAY up before they hit a double clothesline to put both guys down. Animal picks up Quake for a slam but can’t turn him over, giving Quake two. Off to Typhoon who gets kicked in the face and clotheslined down. Back to the Bird Man as we get a lot more of the collisions that went over so well earlier. Typhoon finally takes him down and Hawk is in trouble via a lot of back pain.

It’s time for the hallmark of any power match: the bearhug. Quake comes back in and walks over Hawk a few times. Back to the bearhug for a little more time killing until it’s finally back to Animal. Everybody brawls to the floor and it’s a lame double countout. Oh wait Typhoon got back in so the Disasters win. Sure why not.

Rating: D. I love the LOD but this match sucked. At the end of the day, this was the totally wrong matchup for them as their entire offense revolved around throwing people around. This was around the time when Hawk was literally on the verge of a breakdown every day but Vince couldn’t quite convince then to drop the titles, until they did it on a house show which was never aired because LOD didn’t want to lose their heat. It was a different time to say the least.

The Disasters and Hart yell in the back a lot.

Roddy Piper is all fired up about winning the title and dedicates the win to his son Colt. He wants the world title now.

We get a clip from the Barber Shop incident where Shawn turned heel, igniting his singles push in the greatest team split ever.

Ric Flair says he drew #3 but when your name is Ric Flair, that’s not a problem. This is a Coliseum Video exclusive so Heenan doesn’t know yet.

Time for the interviews from people in the Rumble: Savage, Sid, Repo Man, Bulldog, Roberts, Flair (with Perfect talking with him too. You know, because Flair needs someone to talk for him), Undertaker (Bearer talks for him a bit too) and Hogan.

We get a statement from the biggest waste of oxygen that has ever been a boss in wrestling, Jack Tunney. He basically says the winner of this (he forgets the name of the Rumble) is the world champion. As he’s talking, here’s a recap of the title situation. Taker beat Hogan for the title at Survivor Series but Flair interfered. Hogan got a rematch about a week later but also kind of cheated to win it back. The title was vacated and put up for grabs in this year’s Rumble, making it by far the biggest Rumble of all time up to that point.

Royal Rumble

Davey Boy Smith is #1 and DiBiase is #2. The slugout is on quickly with Bulldog pounding away but getting sent to the apron. DiBiase stops paying attention and doesn’t realize that Smith didn’t hit the floor. A clothesline is enough to get rid of DiBiase and leave Bulldog alone in the ring. In at #3: Ric Flair. Heenan: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!” Gorilla starts listing off stats about how Flair has no chance and Heenan explodes. He says he can’t be objective and you can hear Gorilla roll his eyes.

The gorilla press puts Flair down but he pokes Smith in the eyes to get a breather. It’s only temporary though as Davey clotheslines him down. Jerry Sags is #4 and HE BE CLUBBERIN TONY!!! Smith gets double teamed as Heenan is trying to figure out how long Flair would have to be in the match. Smith comes back with a double clothesline and knocks Sags out. Notice how they’re keeping the ring emptier here, which is a very good change from the 1991 version.

Haku is #5 and he immediately goes after Smith. Flair goes after Haku, sending Heenan into another fit. “HAVE YOU GONE NUTS???” Flair heads to the floor under the rope as Haku hits a piledriver on Smith. Flair goes after Haku again and hits the knee drop. Haku pounds on Ric in the corner but Smith tosses the Tongan. Shawn Michaels is #6 and he starts firing away punches to Flair. A superkick drops Flair and a gorilla press drops Shawn. I’ll let you guess who slammed Michaels.

Flair comes back to drop both guys as Heenan wants a drink. His panic in every line he says is great stuff. Shawn gets caught on the ropes and crotched, followed by Davey throwing him to the apron. Tito Santana is #7 as we get down to a decent tag match, another Rumble tradition. Flair gets Smith to the apron but Tito saves. In far less than two minutes, it’s Barbarian at #8. Heenan: “He doesn’t like anybody. When I managed him he barely liked me!”

Things slow down a bit as Davey keeps getting sent to the apron. Flair tries to dump Tito and Shawn at the same time but can’t get either guy out. Texas Tornado is #9 and Heenan is losing it. “THEY JUST KEEP GETTING BIGGER!” Von Erich goes right after Flair before shifting over to Michaels. Smith slingshots Michaels, who has to jump a LONG way to get to the buckle.

Santana stomps on Flair as Repo Man is #10. Santana hits a cross body on Barbarian and Flair hits Tornado with LOUD chops. Valentine is #11 and he gets in a chopping match with Flair. Shawn is literally hanging on by his feet. Nikolai Volkoff is #12 (Heenan: “A 320lb Lithuanian!” but Repo Man dumps him in about a minute. Apparently he was a sub for Jannetty after the window thing. That makes more sense. While that’s going on, Valentine has Flair in the Figure Four to send Heenan into a new level of panic.

The Boss Man is #13 and he punches everyone in sight. Valentine is out and Shawn starts his goofy selling. Boss Man throws out Repo Man, giving us a current grouping of Von Erich, Michaels, Boss Man, Haku, Santana, Smith and Flair. Flair backdrops Smith out and does the same to Von Erich in just a few seconds. Hercules is #14 as Santana and Shawn eliminate each other.

Barbarian helps Flair with Boss Man, so Flair turns on Barbarian because he, you know, Flair. Hercules dumps Barbarian so Flair dumps Hercules. It’s Boss Man and Flair alone now as Heenan needs oxygen. Boss Man hits a spin kick of all things and a right hand, but misses a charge and eliminates himself. Heenan: “FLAIR WINS!”

Piper is #15 and the crowd is right back into this. We’re clearly into the second stage now and Heenan LOSES IT. Piper backdrops him down and they head to the floor for a bit. Back in and Piper goes old school with an airplane spin, making Bobby want to cry. There’s the sleeper but Jake Roberts is #16. This is when he’s pure evil so the crowd goes into a hush. Jake sits in the corner as Flair is still in the sleeper.

Roberts finally breaks up the hold and works over Piper before hitting the short clothesline o Flair. Piper breaks up the DDT (Heenan: “Oh thank you Piper. It’s not a skirt, it’s a kilt!”) and Flair puts Jake in the Figure Four, only to have Piper stomp away on Ric (Heenan: “YOU NO GOOD DIRTY SKUNK! IT IS A SKIRT!”). Jim Duggan is #17 and he immediately goes after Flair in the corner.

Jake atomic drops Duggan to put all four guys on the mat for a breather. IRS is #18 and he too goes after Flair. Duggan grabs IRS by the tie (Heenan: “He’s got him by the tongue!”) and pounds away. Duggan saves Piper for no apparent reason and Flair gets beaten up some more. Snuka is #19 and for some reason he saves Flair. Snuka headbutts Duggan which has no effect on either guy of course. Flair, ever the grateful guy, pokes Snuka in the eye.

Piper chops Flair half to death in the corner and the Undertaker is #20. At the moment we’ve got Taker, Flair, Piper, Snuka, IRS, Roberts and Duggan in the ring. Taker immediately knocks out Snuka, so Flair goes after the Dead Man. Heenan: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???” Duggan goes over to Taker and is immediately kicked in the balls. We get one of the major clock issues that would happen throughout the match, as Gorilla says Flair has been in there over 42 minutes. The whole match hasn’t even gone 38 yet and Flair didn’t even start. This will get stretched even farther later.

IRS goes to the middle rope for some reason but hops down a few seconds later. Taker grabs Duggan and Flair by the throat as Randy Savage is #21. Roberts immediately hides on the floor until Taker decks Savage. Randy ducks Jake’s short clothesline and ERUPTS on him, eliminating Roberts via a high knee. Savage screws up by jumping over the top to get to Roberts. Taker goes to the floor and throws him back in, but Savage goes after Jake again. The ruling is that Savage wasn’t thrown to the floor so he’s still in. Ignore Andre eliminating himself in 1989 of course.

Flair comes back with a low blow on Taker which has zero effect at all. Berzerker is #22 and we’ve got IRS, Berzerker, Duggan, Savage, Flair, Piper and Undertaker. Berzerker hits a choke bomb on Savage as Virgil is #23. Everyone goes into one corner of the ring for some reason, with Flair chopping at Taker like a schmuck. Colonel Mustafa (Iron Sheik) is #24. Things slow down a bit as we need someone to come in and clear things out. Rick Martel is #25 and he pounds on the other Ric in the corner.

Savage dumps Mustafa and gets chokes by Taker for his efforts. Hogan is #26 (does he EVER get a bad number?) and he goes right for Taker and Flair. Heenan starts bargaining with God as Martel is sent through the ropes to the floor. Hogan clotheslines Taker out and dumps Berzerker as well. Duggan and Virgil put each other out as the ring clears up a lot. Skinner is #27, giving us Skinner, Hogan, Flair, Piper, Savage, Martel and IRS.

Hogan puts Flair on the apron as Heenan wants another drink. A clothesline puts Flair down again and Sgt. Slaughter is #28. Someone dumps Skinner as Flair officially gets the Rumble record. Sure why not. Sid Justice is #29 and he goes for IRS. Flair pounds on Hogan before shifting over to Sid. Flair pulls Sid to the mat but Sid nips up and clotheslines him down. Warlord is #30, giving us a final grouping of Martel, Piper, Hogan, Flair, Savage, Sid, Slaughter, IRS and Warlord.

Hogan and Flair fight on the floor with Flair getting suplexed. Slaughter gets eliminated by Sid and Hogan kicks Flair down. Piper is sent to the apron by IRS but Piper grabs the tie to eliminate the tax dude. Hogan Hulks Up on Flair but stops to eliminate Warlord with Sid’s help. Justice dumps Martel and Piper, giving us a final four of Savage, Flair, Hogan and Sid. That’s quite a group.

Sid tosses Savage and Flair tries to chop Hogan in the corner because that’s what Ric Flair does. In a famous ending, Hogan punches Flair to the apron but as he’s dumping Ric out, Sid comes up from behind to dump Hulk. Hogan grabs Sid’s arm, allowing Flair to come up from behind and dump Justice, giving Flair the title and send Bobby into orgasmic bliss.

Rating: A. This is Ric Flair’s coming out party in the WWF and it worked perfectly. There are a few down parts to it and while the 1990 edition was more consistently exciting and had a better overall structure, this was all about drama. It also helps that the match actually meant something, as the title was officially on the line. Excellent Rumble and a true surprise to see Flair win the title.

Sid and Hogan have a shoving match post match, setting up their match at Wrestlemania.

Jack Tunney presents an exhausted Flair with the title in the back. Flair gives a victory speech, saying this is the greatest moment in his life. He says this is the only title that means you’re the best in the world and Heenan gushes some more.

Overall Rating: B. This is a hard one to grade because the stuff before the Rumble is HORRIBLE. The Rumble however is a masterpiece with Flair and it more than saves the show. There’s nothing else on the card that you would want to watch, other than maybe the Piper title win if you’re a big fan of the guy. Other than that though, there’s nothing to see here other than the Rumble itself.

Ratings Comparison

New Foundation vs. Orient Express

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Roddy Piper vs. Mountie

Original: B

Redo: D

Beverly Brothers vs. Bushwhackers

Original: F-

Redo: T (For The Worst Match In Rumble History)

Natural Disasters vs. Legion of Doom

Original: D

Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: A+

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: B

Other than Piper, this is almost the same set of ratings.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/11/royal-rumble-count-up-1992/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 1991
Date: January 19, 1991
Location: Miami Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 16,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Roddy Piper

So it’s 1991 now and the US is at war (kind of). Therefore, the main event here, other than the Rumble of course, is Warrior defending the world title against Slaughter. This is a major changeover from the old Rumble formula which was a bunch of nothing matches followed by the big battle royal to close the show. Well at least on PPV that is. This would become the norm after this (other than in 1992) so let’s get to it.

We open with the national anthem to really hammer home the AMERICA ROCKS theme.

We get the usual list of a bunch of people in the Rumble.

Piper goes on one his big America rants about how much he loves the troops.

Rockers vs. Orient Express

The Express are Kato and Tanaka. Kato is a white guy named Paul Diamond in a mask pretending to be a Japanese guy. Shawn gets jumped to start and hit with a big double backdrop. Marty dropkicks Kato to the floor and superkicks Tanaka down as the Rockers take over. The Rockers hit stereo suicide dives to take the Express (popular names for tag teams no?) down on the floor.

The crowd is LOVING the Rockers here because they’re AMERICAN! Jannetty and Kato start things off with Kato getting caught in a headlock. Things speed up already and Marty controls with a headscissors on the mat. That gets turned into a backslide for two for Jannetty and we have a standoff. Marty makes the Express collide with each other before working on Tanaka’s arm.

Shawn comes in off the top with another shot to the arm but Tanaka comes back with a kick to the face and a chinlock. We get an overly complicated running the ropes spot which results in the Express having their heads rammed together. It’s still Tanaka vs. Shawn here and we go from a chinlock to a sleeper by Shawn. Marty tries to come in for no apparent reason, allowing Kato to blast Michaels in the back to give the Express control for the first time.

Everything breaks down and we get multiple do-see-do sequences, finally resulting in the Express being rammed into each other and being sent to the floor. Shawn busts out a kind of prototype 619 before the Rockers dive on both members of the Express in a cool spot. Back to Kato vs. Marty and we hit another chinlock. Shawn comes back in for a vertical suplex but Tanaka breaks up a monkey flip by guillotining Shawn from the apron.

Tanaka comes in and we get the World’s Greatest Tag Team spot of Tanaka jumping over Kato’s back to land on Shawn’s back as Shawn is draped over the ropes. A shot to Shawn’s throat keeps him down and it’s off to the nerve hold. Things slow down a lot as Kato comes in to chop away. A superkick puts Shawn down again (how appropriate) but he comes back by slamming Tanaka’s face down into the mat.

The place is really getting into the Rockers here as Kato takes his belt off. The Express tries to clothesline him with it but Shawn dives onto the belt to ran both Express members into each other. Hot tag brings in Marty to clean house and a powerslam gets two on Kato. Tanaka breaks up a backslide attempt so Shawn trips up Kato to retaliate. Everything breaks down again and Tanaka breaks up the Rocket Launcher. Kato slingshots Marty into a Tanaka chop and Jannetty is in trouble. They load it up again, but Shawn blasts Tanaka, allowing Marty to counter the slingshot into a sunset flip on Tanaka for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: B+. This would have been a masterpiece if they had cut out a minute or two of the chinlocks. Still though, this follows the Nitro formula to the letter: take four small guys, give them a long time, get an exciting match. That’s the perfect choice for an opener and it worked well here. The Rockers would continue to be awesome for the rest of the year until splitting in December in the famous Barber Shop incident.

Macho Man wants a shot at the winner of the title match. Slaughter has agreed to this idea for some reason, and Sherri is on her way to the arena to get Warrior to agree to the same.

Here’s Sherri on the platform (yeah back then they had an interview platform along with the one in the back) to call out Warrior. Savage is watching in the back and Sherri takes forever to get Warrior to come out. She begs the patriotic Warrior and tries to seduce him (oh dear that’s a terrifying thought) and gets on her knees, only to have Warrior shout NO. Savage LOSES IT in the back over this. Somehow these segments took like seven minutes.

Big Bossman vs. Barbarian

This is part of a storyline that worked quite well until the ending. Rick Rude had insulted Boss Man’s mother, but Boss Man was told he had to beat every member of the Heenan Family before he got a match with Rude. Unfortunately Rude left the company before Boss Man got to him so Boss Man got Mr. Perfect at Mania….but he didn’t win Perfect’s IC title and that basically ended the storyline. Still though, the build was good and it gave Boss Man something to do for months. The eventual payoff was him literally dropping a big metal ball on Heenan’s ribs.

Anyway Barbarian pounds away to start but gets kicked in the head and elbowed down. They head to the floor for Boss Man to send Barbarian into the post before heading back inside. Barbarian goes up but jumps into a punch, sending him right back to the floor. Barbie suplexes him down and punches Boss Man in the face, knocking him into the ropes where his feet get tied up.

Barbarian pounds away a bit before ramming Boss Man back first into the post. Off to a bearhug by Barbarian followed by an elbow for two. Back to the bearhug for a little bit longer until Boss Man headbutts (bad stereotypes!) his way out. A splash in the corner misses and Barbarian gets two off a rollup, only to have Boss Man get the same off a clothesline. They hit head to head and both guys go down.

Barbarian is on his feet first and goes up and hits his top rope clothesline for two. There’s the Boss Man Slam but Boss Man walks around before covering, allowing Barbie to grab a rope. An awkward looking piledriver puts Boss Man down for no cover again. Barbarian goes up for a cross body of all things but Boss Man rolls through it for the pin.

Rating: C. This was a fine match but the ending is kind of weird. I have no idea why they didn’t have the Slam end the match here but for some reason it kept going for another minute or two afterwards. Still though, decent enough match and Boss Man was just CRAZY over at this point. The hot crowd helped a lot here.

Slaughter and General Adnan rant for a bit and say Slaughter is winning the title tonight. For some reason while Slaughter is talking they shift to another camera so he has to turn ninety degrees.

The Warrior isn’t worried about Slaughter and says he’ll give the orders tonight.

Quick recap on the world title match: Slaughter is a former American patriot and is now changing over to Iraq because he’s that kind of a villain. Warrior is defending and that’s about all there is to it.

WWF World Title: Sgt. Slaughter vs. Ultimate Warrior

Gorilla gives a disclaimer, saying that Slaughter and Adnan’s views don’t represent those of the WWF or most of America. If that was anyone other than Gorilla Monsoon, I’d say he wasn’t allowed to speak for America, but Gorilla Monsoon speaks for me. There’s a t-shirt idea in there somewhere. The belt is purple tonight in case you’re wondering. Yeah Warrior went a bit nuts (shocking I know) with having multiple belt colors for some reason. The heels try to attack him with the Iraqi Flag but Warrior will have nothing of it and clotheslines them both down.

Slaughter gets the flag shoved into his mouth and Warrior pounds away. He chokes Slaughter with said flag and chops away in the corner as Slaughter is in trouble. Warrior sends Slaughter into the corner for his over the buckle bump to the floor. Here’s Sherri to trip up Warrior and draw him back up towards the entrance. Savage is waiting on Warrior and beats the tar out of the champion with light fixtures as Slaughter gets a breather.

The Sarge wisely stops the count a few times, allowing Warrior to get back in. Slaughter pounds away in the corner as he starts softening up the back for the Camel Clutch. Apparently the middle eastern moveset comes with becoming an Iraqi sympathizer. The crowd absolutely HATES Slaughter here and boos anything he does. Warrior gets sent into the buckle but they clothesline each other down. Naturally a single clothesline is enough to counteract that long run of offense by Slaughter and get us back to even.

Slaughter gets up first and puts on a bearhug for a LONG time. Warrior breaks it up but walks right into a backbreaker for two. There’s the Camel Clutch but Warrior’s legs are under the ropes. Warrior Warriors Up and beats Slaughter down but here’s Sherri again to frenzy up the crowd. Warrior loads her up in the gorilla press and throws her onto a charging Savage in the aisle. Savage pops up again and blasts Warrior in the face with his scepter, allowing Slaughter to drop an elbow for the pin and the title, STUNNING the crowd.

Rating: D+. The match was dull for the most part but the heat was insane. The crowd audibly calls this BS and you can’t really argue that point. Aside from that, this sets up Wrestlemania really well, as we need a REAL AMERICAN to take the title back. Pay no attention to the fact that the war had already been over by Wrestlemania.

Gorilla LOSES IS when the title change is announced.

Koko B. Ware vs. The Mountie

The crowd is still in shock at this point so here’s a match to pass some time. Mountie has Jimmy Hart with him here and is doing the shock stick gimmick still. A lot of stalling to start things off here until Koko hits that dropkick of his. Ware cranks on the arm after Mountie hides on the floor for a bit. Mountie backdrops him to the floor in a big bump and takes over. Hart gets in a shouting match with Frankie the parrot as this match drags on and on. Koko gets a quick two on a sunset flip as Jimmy argues with Frankie some more.

A piledriver is broken up by Ware but Mountie pounds away even more to stop the comeback. Koko grabs a neckbreaker and hits a few headbutts to put Mountie down. The missile dropkick (Koko hits the kick and lands on his feet. That’s AWESOME) drops Mountie again and a cross body gets two. Koko hits the ropes a few times but charges into a…..into a……I think it was a choke takedown or something like that. Whatever it was it gets the pin for Mountie.

Rating: D. This match sucked but it was the only thing they could have done here. They had to do something to give the fans a chance to breathe after that previous title match and while it didn’t really work, they made the right move here. Mountie would be IC Champion the next year while Koko would be in a tag team I believe.

Savage says he’s the next WWF Champion and runs away with Sherri as he can hear Warrior pounding on the door.

Gorilla and Piper lament Warrior’s loss.

Slaughter says he told us all he’d win.

Gorilla and Piper rants some more.

Some fans get to send messages to some American troops in the middle east.

We hear about Hogan going to various American armed forces bases because he’s not allowed to go to Saudi Arabia at the moment. Thankfully Piper mentions that he and Hogan don’t agree on everything.

We hear from some Rumble participants: Roberts, Earthquake, Valentine, Tornado, the LOD, Undertaker (still with Brother Love), Duggan, Martel, British Bulldog, Perfect (IC Champion here) and Tugboat.

Piper talks about having lunch with Virgil today. Remember that.

DiBiase and Virgil are ready to face Dustin and Dusty. Ted talks about having bought and paid for Virgil, who glares as DiBiase talks.

Ted Dibiase/Virgil vs. Dustin Rhodes/Dusty Rhodes

Dustin is BRAND new here as this is his first WWF match. It’s also Dusty’s last in the WWF/E for over fifteen years. This is the blowoff to DiBiase vs. Dusty which started at Summerslam with Ted buying Sapphire and taking her from Dusty. Sapphire left soon afterwards because she didn’t want to be away from Dusty. Anyway the Rhodes Family takes over to start with elbows a go-go, sending the heels to a huddle on the floor.

Dustin, only 21 here, starts with Virgil who barely ever wrestled at this point. I mean it was like once every year or two. Dustin hits a clothesline and a dropkick to send Virgil (the real name of Dusty for you trivia geeks) to the floor as DiBiase is getting frustrated. Another clothesline puts Virgil on the floor again and Ted yells a lot. Off to DiBiase to backdrop the young gun but a second attempt results in a face jam.

The Rhodes dudes hammer DiBiase back and forth with elbows to send him to the floor as well. Here’s Big Dust who puts on a sleeper but Virgil breaks it up. Back to Dustin for a dropkick for two, but a charging knee at Virgil misses to put Dustin down. Virgil stays on the knee and wraps it around the post, as does his boss. The heels try some double teaming, but Virgil accidentally clotheslines DiBiase. Ted beats the tar out of him, allowing Dustin to tag his dad. Said dad is rolled up for the pin almost immediately by DiBiase.

Rating: D+. Another dull match here but it was almost all for the ending and post match stuff. Like I said, the Rhodes guys were on their way out so they didn’t have a chance at all in this one. Dusty stopped meaning anything months before this and it was the right move to go back to WCW for him where he could do what he wanted and book as well.

Post match we get the important part of the match. DiBiase yells at Virgil and says he’s tired of having to save his worker. He tells Virgil to get the belt and wrap it around his boss’ waist, but Virgil is mad. DiBiase keeps running his mouth, talking about how Virgil needs this job. DiBiase turns his back on Virgil and turns into a belt shot to the head, drawing one of the handful of pops in Virgil’s entire career.

Hogan is ready for the Rumble and wants the title from the un-American too. Gene tells Hogan that Slaughter might have just defaced the American Flag. Oh you know it’s on now. Hulk goes into such a rant that he forgets the name of the guy America is at war with (Sadaam Hussein) in a semi-famous bit.

Royal Rumble

Bret gets #1 for the second time in four years. He and Neidhart are tag champions here and he gets to face Dino Bravo at #2. Feeling out process to start until Bret clotheslines Bravo to the apron. Bravo comes back but misses an elbow. We go to an annoying wide shot as Greg Valentine is #3. I think he’s a face here but it was such an unmemorable turn that I can’t remember if it had happened yet or not. Well he’s fighting Bravo so I’d assume so. Actually he does a bit better than that by eliminating Bravo quickly.

Bret atomic drops Greg down and adds a clothesline for good measure but he can’t get the elimination. Here’s Paul Roma of Power and Glory at #4. Actually the team might have broken up by this point. Again they weren’t that memorable, just like most of this time period aside from the top stars. Bret rams their heads together, causing Roma and Valentine to fight for a bit.

Here’s Kerry Von Erich to give us I think three faces and one heel, or at least two faces a heel and a tweener. Bret misses an elbow drop off the middle rope and everyone pounds away on various people until Rick Martel is #6. Bret almost puts Martel out but Roma makes a save. Well no one ever accused him of being all that bright. Saba Simba (Tony Atlas as a tribal guy. It didn’t last long) is #7 as things continue to go slowly. Von Erich puts the Claw on Martel and that’s about the extent of the highlights.

To really liven things up, Butch is #8. That’s actually not sarcastic as the fans do the Bushwhacker arm swing. Martel puts Simba out to keep us at an equal number of average guys and Bret. Don’t get me wrong: these guys are talented, but other than Bret, most of them never got above the midcard. Jake Roberts is #9 to go immediately after Martel and give us an actual feud (Martel blinded him, leading to an AWFUL blowoff match at Mania).

Martel bails under the bottom rope and Jake goes right after him through the ropes. Martel gets put on the apron and punched in the face as everyone else just punches people. Hercules is #10 to give us Power and Glory in the ring. Why would I have thought they were broken up? They had a match at Mania. Bret gets double teamed in the corner but nothing comes of it.

There are too many people in the ring at the moment at I think eight. Tito Santana is #11 as Roma misses a cross body to eliminate himself. FINALLY we get someone to clear some of these guys out with Undertaker coming in at #12. He’s still this unknown monster at this point and would be that for years. Taker puts out Bret as soon as he gets there and beats up Von Erich for fun. That could have been a solid house show feud.

Jimmy Snuka is #13 as Taker throws out Butch. There are still way too many people in the ring, as we currently have Valentine, Tornado, Martel, Roberts, Hercules, Santana, Snuka and Undertaker. Taker chokes on Von Erich a bit in the corner before shifting over to Valentine. The freshly returned British Bulldog is #14 and guess what happens. The correct answer would be nothing, so here’s Smash at #15. No one cares as Demolition would be done at Wrestlemania, so he’s another nobody for all intents and purposes.

Good grief there are ten people in there now. Martel gets knocked to the apron and FINALLY puts Jake out to get us down a little bit. Superfly headbutts Martel and Hercules for a reaction from the crowd and Hawk is #16. STILL nothing of note happens and it’s Shane freaking Douglas at #17. Taker FINALLY puts out Tornado and Hawk puts out Snuka to get the numbers down a bit.

No one is #18, which would later be revealed as Randy Savage, who isn’t in the match because he’s running from Warrior. This is called continuity, which you don’t get enough of in wrestling today. Animal is #19, allowing the LOD to double clothesline Taker out. Martel uses the distraction to knock Hawk out and we’ve got eight in there again: Santana, Martel, Smith, Smash, Animal, Hercules, Valentine and Douglas.

The ninth person in the ring and #20 overall is Crush, Ax’s replacement in Demolition. Jim Duggan is #21. I’m not saying much between the entrances because there’s nothing to talk about. Literally it’s people pushing others on the ropes and a lot of punching. WAY too many people in the ring again and the match is really dull so far. Martel gets caught by Animal but gets out via a thumb to the eye. That’s an exciting moment at this point.

Earthquake is #22, giving us an insane eleven people in the match at once. Animal staggers Quake with some clotheslines but a third misses, resulting in Animal getting dumped. Perfect is #23 to get us back to eleven in the ring at once. The first person he sells like a crazy man for: Duggan, but Jim gets eliminated by Perfect pretty quickly. I’m not going to bother listing everyone in there for awhile due to it being nearly impossible to tell. Seriously, that’s how full the ring is.

FINALLY Hogan comes in at #24 and you know some people are going out now. It’s Smash thrown out first and Hogan goes straight for Earthquake, who he was technically still feuding with at this point. Bulldog and Perfect have a very energetic slugout as Haku is #25. Hogan dumps Valentine after a near record breaking 44 minutes. Hogan finally gets his own shirt off as Martel and Haku fight.

Jim Neidhart is #26 as Earthquake dumps an exhausted Santana after thirty minutes. A bunch of heels work over Hogan in the corner but Shane Douglas breaks it up. In a semi-famous moment, Luke is in at #27 and is immediately dumped out by Quake after about four seconds. He immediately marches back to the locker room. Brian Knobs of the freshly debuted Nasty Boys is #28 and after doing nothing for awhile, he dumps Hercules.

Warlord is #29 and he goes straight for Davey Boy. Crush goes up on the corner to punch Hogan and deserves the elimination he gets for trying. Hogan clotheslines Warlord out as the ring is FINALLY emptying out a bit. Tugboat is #30, giving us a final group of Perfect, Tugboat, Knobs, Douglas, Neidhart, Martel, Smith, Haku, Earthquake and Hogan. Quake and Tugboat go at it as Knobs dumps Douglas. Brian Knobs gets to eliminate two people? Really?

Tugboat goes after Hogan but only gets him to the apron. Hogan gets back in and clotheslines him out to get us to eight. Bulldog dropkicks Hennig off the ropes to the floor and Martel, who has been in there over 50 minutes, shattering the record, puts Neidhart out. Bulldog dumps Haku and we’re down to five. Martel goes up top but gets crotched and clotheslined out by Smith. That puts us at a final four but Smith is put out before I can type out said four. We’ve got Knobs, Earthquake and Hogan. That’s a step below Rude, Hennig and Hogan last year I’d think.

The heels double team Hogan of course and Quake splashes him down. The Earthquake hits Hogan but it’s no sold as you would expect. Big boot puts Knobs out but Hogan can’t slam the fat man. Quake hits an elbow drop and a second one as Hogan goes into his spasms. There’s the powerslam, there’s the Hulk Up, there’s the big boot, there’s the slam, there’s the winning clothesline for Hogan.

Rating: D. This is one, if not the worst Rumble I’ve ever seen. It’s just boring all around and there’s no other word to describe it. There were at least three moments where there were TEN people in the ring at once. The prime option for the Rumble is about six to seven at most at a time, not freaking TEN. There was never a moment where this got exciting and it was really boring at times too. Not good at all here.

Hogan poses a lot and waves an American flag to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The opener is really good but the rest of the show is mostly boring stuff. 1991 was a really boring time for the company and things wouldn’t pick up until the end of the year when Flair and Undertaker gave some jolts of life into things. This didn’t work for the most part though and it was a chore to sit through. Nothing to see here other than a really awesome tag match to open the show.

Ratings Comparison

The Rockers vs. The Orient Express

Original: A

Redo: B+

Big Boss Man vs. Barbarian

Original: B

Redo: C

Sgt. Slaughter vs. Ultimate Warrior

Original: D

Redo: D+

The Mountie vs. Koko B. Ware

Original: D

Redo: D

Ted DiBiase/Virgil vs. Dustin Rhodes/Dusty Rhodes

Original: B

Redo: D+

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D+

What was I thinking on that DiBiase match? I must have REALLY liked the angle, but it happened after the match.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/10/royal-rumble-count-up-1991/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 1990
Date: January 21, 1990
Location: Orlando Arena, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 16,000
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Jesse Ventura

We hit the 90s and there’s a bit of a new feel to the company with that new decade. Things are now being made to look a little newer and it’s probably a good thing that they are. Oh and there’s also probably the biggest moment in the Rumble for…..arguably ever actually so there’s that to look forward to. Let’s get to it.

We get the list of almost everyone in the Rumble to start just like last year.

Jesse Ventura in Mickey Mouse Ears is a scary sight.

Buschwhackers vs. Fabulous Rougeaus

We get ALL AMERICAN BOYS for the Rougeaus and Jacques has his MANLY beard. This is a Wrestlemania rematch from the previous year. We start with Butch vs. Ray and while this may sound like a stretch, I think this might be a comedy match. A quick sleeper by Ray is broken up and it’s time to bite the trunks as well as the referee for some reason. The Whackers clear the ring but Jacques hits the floor to avoid the Battering Ram.

Off to Luke vs. Jacques, with Luke taking a bite out of his nose. Jacques says hit me in the face, so Luke charges with a clothesline and hits Ray instead. Things slow down again and the Rougeaus easily distract Luke, allowing Ray to jump him for two. Ray comes in for real and kicks Luke down for two more. Luke is sent to the floor and goes back first into the apron. This match is already dragging.

Back in and Luke bites some more but it doesn’t get him anywhere. Luke gets rammed into the corner a bit, drawing Butch in which allows even more double teaming. We hit the chinlock followed by an abdominal stretch from Jacques. Now it’s off to a reverse chinlock to keep things slow.

We get the Arn Anderson cannonball drop onto a guy on the mat but the guy on the mat gets his knees up to crush Arn’s balls spot, followed by a hot tag to Butch. The Rougeaus are sent into each other and Jimmy Hart gets involved and beaten up. Jacques gets a quick rollup for two and Ray puts a Boston Crab on Butch. With the Rougeaus hugging for some reason, the Battering Ram to the back of Ray is enough for the pin by Butch.

Rating: D+. This was WAY too long at nearly fourteen minutes. The idea behind comedy matches is to keep things quick so that people don’t realize that half of the stuff you see here is stupid. The Rougeaus clearly didn’t care anymore and this would be the last match of Ray’s career. Jacques would go on to be the Mountie and win the Intercontinental Title, in one of the biggest surprises ever. Well not really but it was pretty surprising.

Gene is with DiBiase and Virgil and Ted is annoyed. Gene brings up the shenanigans last year with Ted “drawing” number thirty, but this year there’s additional security. Virgil drew the number for DiBiase and he got number 1. DiBiase’s “Let me tell you something little man” is a GREAT delivery as he’s so great at talking down to people.

The Genius vs. Brutus Beefcake

If you’re not familiar with Genius, think Damien Sandow if he read WWF themed poetry. Oh and he’s a jobber. And Macho Man’s real life brother. Genius offers a left-handed handshake but Brutus isn’t interested. Jesse gets on Tony about Genius beating Hogan via countout on SNME. Tony: “Well…..” Jesse: “WHO WON THE MATCH???” Genius heads to the floor for a cartwheel and we finally get the first lockup.

We get a clean break and Beefcake tells Genius what he can kiss. They lock up again and Genius goes to the eyes to get the first advantage. Beefcake comes out with an atomic drop and Genius gets to do his way overdone selling. I miss that. Back in and Genius fires off some shockingly good punches so Brutus comes back with an even bigger punch. Expect to hear the word punch a lot in this match.

Beefcake steps on Genius’ fingers like a total jerk and crotches Genius on the top rope. Half of Beefcake’s taunts would get him fired today for suggesting that Genius is effeminate. We go back to the standard story of the match: Genius gets in some strikes, Brutus hits him once to take over again. A dropkick gets two for Genius as does a rollup, but Brutus catches him coming off the middle rope with a punch to the ribs.

There’s the sleeper but Genius quickly escapes. Another sleeper attempt is quickly countered, but the Genius is knocked into the referee. Ref bumps weren’t cliched back in the 80s, so this is kind of a big development. Anyway the sleeper goes on again and Genius is going down quickly. Brutus puts him out and starts cutting his hair, but Genius’ buddy Mr. Perfect comes out for the save and the DQ.

Rating: D. This is one of those matches that was bad but it was energetic. For as much of a mess as Brutus would become in real life, the guy could get the fans fired up. That’s pretty impressive as he was almost all punching and a sleeper. This was pretty lame stuff but the fans loved it which is the right idea.

Perfect and Genius DESTROY Brutus’ ribs with the chair post match.

Sean Mooney is with the Heenan Family and suggests that they could fight each other. An argument ensues. That’s what Mooney was good at: ticking people off.

A show is coming. It’s called Wrestlemania.

Greg Valentine vs. Ronnie Garvin

This is a submission match as they both use submissions for a finisher. See? Not that complicated. Now the interesting thing here is that both guys have shin guards (Garvin even has his named: the Hammer Jammer) which blocks the pain of a Figure Four. They slug it out to start with Valentine being rammed into the buckles repeatedly. Greg comes back with chops and they slug it out in the middle of the ring.

It turns into a boxing match until Valentine goes after the leg. That gets him a thumb in the eye and they slug it out some more with both guys going down via a Garvin headbutt. Ronnie tries a sunset flip for reasons of stupidity and Valentine tries a cover of his own. Both guys go down again as this match is already running too long. Garvin rolls him up again to REALLY make it clear that it’s a submission match. See, wrestling fans are stupid and can’t understand the basic explanation of the rules.

Valentine adjusts his own shin guard (the Heartbreaker) and puts Garvin in the Figure Four. Ronnie’s guard blocks the pain, so Garvin makes funny faces at Valentine. Since that doesn’t work, Valentine puts on an over the shoulder backbreaker, much to Jesse’s delight (his old hold). Garvin pounds away in the corner and puts on an Indian Deathlock which has an effect on Greg but Valentine finally makes a rope.

They slug it out for the fifth time, although this one is at least on the floor. Valentine backdrops out of a piledriver on the concrete and we head back inside. Garvin misses a dropkick in the corner and gets caught in the Tree of Woe. That goes nowhere so they collide again and both guys go down. Hart steals Garvin’s shin guard and there’s the Figure Four. After a rope is grabbed, Garvin can’t even stand up.

Valentine goes up and Garvin slams him down from one leg. He takes off Valentine’s shin guard and tries a rollup because Ronnie is STUPID. Valentine gets tied up in the ropes so Garvin beats up Hart for fun. A shin guard shot to the head knocks out Valentine and the Sharpshooter (called a reverse Figure Four) makes Valentine give up.

Rating: C+. Not a bad match here and it was even good at times, but MAN it was long, running nearly seventeen minutes. On top of that, the stupid pin thing went WAY too long into the match. This is probably the best Garvin match I’ve ever seen, but that doesn’t really mean much as he absolutely sucks most of the time.

Mr. Perfect doesn’t like Beefcake trying to take advantage of the Genius and we get a look at the chair attack from earlier tonight. Perfect says he got #30 in the Rumble. Well he is perfect after all.

It’s time for the Brother Love Show. You might know Love as Bruce Prichard, or one of the Gut Check judges on Impact. This is his most famous role, as a parody of 80s televangelists. He talks about what it means to be a lady, and brings out the woman whose picture is in the dictionary next to the word lady: Queen Sherri. Love sucks up to her and says he also looked up the word peasant in the Book of Love. The Book of Love is the dictionary?

Anyway the point is Sapphire (Dusty’s chick) is the definition of a peasant, making her fat and ugly. Sapphire comes out and they make fun of her looks, clothes and whatever else you would expect them to make fun of, while not letting Sapphire say a word at all. Now they make fun of Dusty for being fat and Sapphire finally blasts Sherri. Savage and Dusty come out and it’s a big brawl. Even Brother Love gets in on it until security breaks it up. A dance party ensues between Dusty and Sapphire, resulting in Love being thrown to the floor.

Duggan doesn’t have much to say about his match with Boss Man.

Big Boss Man vs. Jim Duggan

Boss Man has clearly lost a TON of weight since last year and he looks much better as a result. Duggan knocks him to the floor in a bump that Boss Man couldn’t have taken a year ago. They slug it out on the floor with Duggan taking over for a bit. Back inside and Boss Man reverses a whip before crushing Duggan with a splash. Boss Man busts out an ENZIGURI to put Duggan down again. It really is amazing to see how much better Boss Man looks after being a big fat blob last year at this show.

Boss Man hits his running crotch attack on the ropes to keep Duggan in trouble but he makes the mistake of ramming Jim face first into the buckles. Duggan’s comeback is short lived though as Boss Man hits him in the back to take over again. He cannonballs down on Duggan’s ribs as this is a good physical fight so far.

That of course comes to a screeching halt as we hit a neck crank by the cop. Duggan fights up and makes a quick comeback, only to get caught by a knee lift to the ribs. Back to the neck crank followed by a bearhug which Duggan fails to break with some smacks to the head. Instead he falls into the ropes and the brawl continues.

They slug it out some more and Duggan clotheslines him out to the floor. Back in and more punching (notice a theme here?) ensues by Jim. Boss Man comes back with a clothesline but misses a top rope splash. They collide again to put both guys down but Slick slips the nightstick to Boss Man which draws the DQ.

Rating: C+. They definitely made the right move here by going with a pure brawl instead of anything resembling a wrestling match. The fans absolutely love Jim Duggan so there was no way the crowd wasn’t going to be into this. Not a good match from a quality standpoint, but it was very fun which is the better way to go sometimes.

Wrestlemania is still coming.

We get some promos from guys in the Rumble, most of which are spent talking about whoever they’re feuding with at the time: Earthquake, Bravo, Demolition, Bad News Brown, Dusty Rhodes, the Rockers, Hercules (calling it the Rumble Royal, which was the original name for the show actually), Rick Martel, Tito Santana, Snuka, Akeem (Slick does the talking) and Warrior (Intercontinental Champion), who talks about Hulk Hogan. This would have given fans chills up their spine at the thought of it happening but then they would say “Nah, that couldn’t happen.”

More promos as we’re in intermission: Savage, the Powers of Pain (Fuji does the talking), Roberts, the Hart Foundation, Honky Tonk Man and Hogan (WWF Champion of course) who looks either bloated or high as a kite.

Royal Rumble

DiBiase is #1 and Koko B. Ware is #2. Ted jumps Koko as he gets in and stomps him down. The beating goes on for awhile until trying to ram Koko’s head into the buckle, which has no effect. See Koko is black and in WWF logic, that means he has a hard head. Koko fights back and misses a charge, sending him to the floor. Marty Jannetty is in at #3 and in literally one second less time, basically the exact same thing happens as did to Koko (minus the racial aspects) and Marty goes out.

Jake Roberts is #4 and they fight on the floor which I think is a first in the Rumble. DiBiase slams him on the floor before they head back inside. A backdrop puts DiBiase down but the DDT is countered into another backdrop. They keep brawling and #5 is Randy Savage. DiBiase and Savage forget their past hatred to double team Jake for awhile until Roddy Piper is #6, setting up one of those AWESOME tag matches we never got. Seriously, that would be excellent on a Coliseum Video.

Piper and Jake beat up the heels, nearly punch each other, and then beat up the heels even more. The energy for this match is WAY better than the previous two years, which is saying a lot. Warlord is #7 and he should be solid cannon fodder for some of these guys. Piper pairs off with him as DiBiase and Savage continue their beatdown on Roberts. Roddy makes the save until Bret Hart is #8, drawing a BIG pop.

We get a six man tag for all intents and purposes, which would be another pretty interesting one with Bret being there to bump like crazy for Warlord. Bret goes after Savage, which would be great like their match on SNME. Bad News is #9 as the good run of talent continues. Jake loads up a DDT on DiBiase but Savage clotheslines him out, which is probably a good idea given how many people we’ve got out there.

Dusty Rhodes is #10 and the place continues to erupt. He heads right for Savage as you would expect him do and it’s elbows a go-go. A backdrop puts Savage out and we get Brown vs. Dusty for awhile, which I’m not sure what to think of. DiBiase takes Brown’s place which is probably the right idea. Andre is #11 and the fans aren’t sure what to think of this. Warlord goes right to him and gets tossed to a big pop. The fans still love the Giant.

Heenan and Fuji get into a fight on the floor as Andre rams Piper and Dusty’s heads together before crushing them in the corner. They come back on him and it’s the Red Rooster at #12. Even HE gets a bit of a pop before people realize that’s who just came out. Piper eliminates Brown but Brown comes back to the apron and eliminates Piper. They brawl to the back, setting up one of the strangest matches you’ll ever see at Mania.

Andre beats up Rooster and tosses him out as Ax is #13. Their teams are fighting over the tag titles at this point so there’s a story there. Hart and Rhodes try to throw out DiBiase and we get the traditional Andre is tied up in the ropes spot. Haku, Andre’s partner, is #14. Andre stands on Ax as Haku beats on Dusty. Things slow down a bit, which is understandable after the very hot first twenty minutes.

Smash is #15, giving us a group of Ax, Smash, Haku, Andre, Hart, DiBiase and Dusty. Demolition demolishes Andre down for the second time in two years before going off to beat on Haku. Rhodes and Hart beat on Dusty as people swap partners a bit. Akeem is #16 to give us another big fat guy in there. He goes after the Giant, but it’s a Demolition double clothesline that eliminates Andre. I’ve always loved that moment. Bret went out somewhere in there too.

Here’s Snuka at #17 to go after Akeem and take him out with a running headbutt. Ted and Dusty hammer away on each other a bit more until Dino Bravo is #18 with his manly powder blood trunks. Demolition beats up DiBiase and Earthquake is #19. There’s another team getting back to back numbers. Rhodes is out at Earthquake’s hands, as is Ax. Neidhart is #20, giving us Neidhart, Earthquake, Haku, Bravo, Snuka, Smash and DiBiase. Everyone gangs up on Earthquake and eliminates him, much to Bravo’s chagrin.

Neidhart and Smash work together on DiBiase, which would be unthinkable in about eight months. Here’s Warrior at #21 to go right after Bravo. They’ve got a bit of a feud going right now so Warrior dumps him with ease. Things slow down until Martel is in at #22. Haku backdrops Smash to the apron and superkicks him out. We were getting too many people in there so that’s a good idea.

Tito is #23 and of course we get a Strike Force battle, as they feuded for like, ever. Honky Tonk Man is #24 as things slow down a bit. We need another blast of energy in this soon. A bunch of people get together and dump Neidhart and Warrior clotheslines DiBiase out, giving him a new Iron Man record at just under 45 minutes. At the moment we’ve got Warrior, Honky, Martel, Santana, Snuka and Haku. Remember that blast of energy I said we needed? Hulk Hogan is #25.

Snuka goes after him and is immediately put out. Haku takes a big boot and is gone. Warrior and Martel dump Santana and we’re down to four in the ring. Shawn Michaels is #26. Hogan dumps Honky and it occurs to me that for some reason the entrance music for people stopped after like #6. Hogan dumps Honky, Warrior dumps Shawn and Martel and there are only two left in the ring.

This is the moment that changed the course of wrestling for a LONG time. You often hear the expression “everyone is on their feet”. In this case, that’s literally true as the place goes nuts and everyone in unison stands up. It’s a really cool visual and proof that this would work for Wrestlemania. They collide a few times and no one moves.

We get a criss cross to set up a double clothesline to put both guys down and the place is eating this up. As I said, this changed wrestling because we now have a Wrestlemania main event, instead of the potential Hogan vs. Zeus or Hogan vs. Perfect. Perfect is great, but it wouldn’t have worked as the main event in front of 67,000 people. Anyway Barbarian comes in at #27 and doesn’t do much so Rick Rude comes in like twenty second early at #28. I’ve always wondered if that was intentional to prevent more of just Hogan vs. Warrior.

The heels double team Hogan to put him down but Warrior saves. They beat up Warrior a bit until Hogan Hulks Up and goes to the corner, eliminating Warrior in the process. Hercules is #29, which is pretty awesome luck as he got #28 the year before. Hogan tries to put Barbarian out but gets poked in the eye. Perfect is #30, giving us a final five of Hogan, Rude, Barbarian, Hercules and Perfect.

Hercules backdrops Barbarian out to get us down to four and we pair off with Herc vs. Rude and Perfect vs. Hogan. Rude backdrops the power dude out and we’re down to a handicap match. I think you can see how this is going to end. A quick double team ends with Perfect getting punched to the apron by Rude. Perfect low bridges Rude out and we’re down to two. Hennig pounds away and hits the PerfectPlex but it’s time for more Hulking Up. Slingshot into the post, clothesline, Hogan wins.

Rating: A-. THIS IS MORE LIKE IT! They totally got the formula down here and had a white hot crowd to do it in front of. The first twenty minutes or so here are just about perfect with a ton of talented guys working HARD. The next big drags just slightly but certainly aren’t bad, and then things went through the roof with Hogan vs. Warrior and the ending. Perfect was supposed to win here, but Hogan vetoed it and got the win himself. The more I think about that the less I dislike it because after the first two matches, you almost had to have a main eventer win this. Either way, great stuff here and one of the best Rumbles ever.

Overall Rating: B-. This is one of those tricky shows to rate as you have four pretty weak matches to start things off, but the Rumble is great and is longer than all four other matches combined. The Rumble is all that mattered here anyway and we got a great one to really establish a standard for the match for years to come. Also Wrestlemania is shaping up really well, so I don’t have many complaints here at all. Good stuff.

Ratings Comparison

Bushwhackers vs. Fabulous Rougeaus

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Brutus Beefcake vs. The Genius

Original: C+

Redo: D

Ronnie Garvin vs. Greg Valentine

Original: F (Biased). B- (Unbiase).

Redo: C+

Jim Duggan vs. Big Boss Man

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Royal Rumble

Original: A-

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: B-

Dang the weight of the Rumble has gone way up in the last few years.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/09/royal-rumble-count-up-1990/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Royal Rumble 1989
Date: January 15, 1989
Location: The Summit, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 19,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura

This is the first PPV version of the show and things have changed a lot. Tonight, everyone is in the match and they’re focusing more on the idea of every man being for himself. The match wouldn’t be worth anything for a few more years but things should be a little bit stronger tonight as they have a better idea what they’re doing. Let’s get to it.

We start off with a listing of presumably everyone in the Rumble tonight. If not then it’s at least most of them.

Dino Bravo/Fabulous Rougeaus vs. Jim Duggan/Hart Foundation

2/3 falls here. Anvil vs. Bravo gets things going and they collide a few times with no one going anywhere. Both guys miss elbows and it’s off to Duggan for a BIG reaction. Ray Rougeau comes in and is immediately slammed down and hit by a knee drop. Hart comes in to a small but audible reaction and gets two each off a small package and a sunset flip. Jacques comes in and things break down a bit with all three heels being caught in one corner where Anvil drives shoulders into them, crushing Ray against the corner under two other guys.

Ray FINALLY gets something in by low bridging Bret to send him to the floor. At the end of the day, when you need someone to sell something you call on Bret. Dino’s side suplex puts Bret down and The Rougeau Bomb gets the first fall. Bret and Ray start things off in the second fall with Hart in big trouble. Jacques comes in and sends Bret into the corner for the traditional chest first bump in the corner which gives Dino two.

Bravo puts on a bear hug for a bit before it’s back to Jacques. A sunset flip gives Bret a quick breather but he’s immediately put in a camel clutch. Anvil makes the save but as he’s being put back in the corner, Ray comes in and puts the same hold back on. That’s good stuff there. The heels take turns working over Bret until Jacques puts on a Boston Crab. Gorilla wants Duggan or Neidhart to come in and break the hold up, because you’ve got five seconds. I love the hypocrisy you would get from him at times.

Bret breaks the hold and tags in Anvil but the referee didn’t see it. That’s such a basic spot but you don’t see it much anymore. Ray puts on an abdominal stretch before it’s off to Jacques for the exact same hold. Bret FINALLY hits an atomic drop to break up the momentum and there’s the white hot tag to Duggan. Anvil hits a slingshot shoulder on Ray and a Duggan elbow drop ties the match up at a fall apiece.

Duggan pounds on Ray to start before going to the wrong corner to try to beat up both guys. Bravo hammers away a bit but rams Duggan’s head into the buckle for no effect at all. Duggan gets punched over into the corner and there’s the tag to Hart. Everything breaks down and Duggan hits Bravo with the board to give Hart the pin.

Rating: C. This was fine but Duggan’s reactions are amazing. The guy was probably the third most over guy in the company at this point, which is covering a lot of ground given how over some of the guys were in 1989. This was fine for an opener but the ending was never quite in doubt, which is ok.

We get a clip of some people pulling their numbers earlier. DiBiase isn’t thrilled at all and immediately goes to find Slick to work out a deal of some kind. These segments need to come back, if nothing else to try to make us believe the numbers are random. The Bushwhackers are happy with their numbers but they trade anyway. Honky is mad about his number. Bad News says his is good news. Demolition seems annoyed. Jake….you can’t tell emotion from him anyway. The Rockers don’t seem to hate theirs.

It’s time for the Super Posedown, which is exactly that: Ultimate Warrior and Rick Rude posing against each other to further their feud. Warrior is IC Champion here and man alive if this happened on a PPV today the fans would likely riot. Well not riot but boo heavily at least. Heenan actually sucks up to the fans because it’s decided by fan vote. Again, the ending here isn’t exactly in doubt. This goes on WAY too long, as it’s just posing and people booing/cheering depending on who is posing. Rude finally attacks Warrior with a bar and bails. Warrior chases after him and that’s it. This somehow took nearly fifteen minutes.

Womens’ Title: Judy Martin vs. Rockin Robin

Robin is defending and is Jake Roberts’ real life half sister. Sherri is in the ring and wants the title shot at the winner of this. Martin misses a charge and Sherri sits in on commentary. They pound on each other and it’s clear that they’re not incredibly skilled in the ring. Martin slams her down and blocks a sunset flip with a punch to the head. Robin puts on a Boston Crab as this is going nowhere.

Martin blocks an O’Connor Roll as Sherri complains about not getting a rematch yet. Gorilla talks about the process you have to go through to get a rematch, which is a nice sounding idea when you think about all the automatic title rematches you get today. Imagine that: EARNING a title match. Something resembling a DDT gets two on Martin but Robin misses an elbow drop. Martin misses one also but a backslide gets two for Judy. Robin kicks her in the face for two and gets the same off a small package. Sherri: “Come on somebody win.” Robin goes to the middle rope, fakes Martin out, and cross bodies her to retain.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here but the ending wasn’t bad. The Women’s Title would be retired about 13 months later and wouldn’t be restored until about 1993. At the end of the day, no one cares about womens wrestling other than for how small their outfits are. Robin and Martin aren’t exactly eye candy either, so this didn’t do much for anyone. At least it was short though.

Slick says the Twin Towers (Boss Man and Akeem) are probably winners of the Rumble but denies knowing anything about shenanigans with DiBiase. Sean Mooney has footage (the original Vickie Guerrer) of Slick and DiBiase together and suddenly Slick realizes he misunderstood Mooney the first time. He has no comment though.

Rude runs his mouth a bit about beating Warrior. This must be intermission.

Yep, it’s intermission as we get promos from a few managers, saying their guys are going to win. Nothing to see here but we hear from Fuji (representing the Powers of Pain), Liz (Mega Powers) and Jimmy Hart (Honky Tonk Man and Greg Valentine). Like I said, nothing to see here.

Jesse is sitting on the throne that will go to either Haku or Race. He thinks he might just run for King because the chair is comfortable.

King Haku vs. Harley Race

Race was King but got hurt and the crown went to Haku. This is his chance to get it back in a one time only return to the ring. Harley shoves over Haku’s throne to start and the brawl is on. You know Race is going to be the brawler in this. Back in and Race pounds away before suplexing Haku down for two. Heenan manages both guys here but Race is kind of the face by default.

They head to the floor again with Race being sent into the post and chopped a few times. Haku sends him back to the floor after a few seconds in the ring as we stall for a few moments. More chops have Race in trouble as Jesse talks about Hogan injuring Race, which is only kind of true. Race no sells a headbutt and gets two off a piledriver. They collide again and Race falls to the floor as Heenan plays both sides, saying he’s for both guys when the other is out of earshot.

Back in and Race punches some more before getting two off a suplex. Haku gets sent to the floor again as it’s pretty clear there’s not much to this match. Race tries to piledrive Haku on the floor but gets backdropped as is the usual. A second attempt at a piledriver works but not incredibly well. Back in and a clothesline puts Haku down for two but Haku comes back and misses a top rope headbutt. Race misses a headbutt of his own and charges into the superkick from Haku (looked GREAT) for the pin to keep the crown in Tonga or wherever he’s from.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t terrible and the ending kick looked awesome, but other than that there wasn’t much to see here. Race was clearly old and banged up and he didn’t have a lot to work with in the form of Haku. The crown was mostly a minor title that was only somewhat official. Nothing to see here, but no one cares about anything but the Rumble tonight anyway.

Time for more Rumble promos, with Beefcake, Greg Valentine (both of whom say they just need their fists), the Powers of Pain (Fuji does the talking for them), Big John Studd (freshly back in the company), Mr. Perfect (pretty new at this point) and Savage (insane of course).

DiBiase is much happier about his number now.

Heenan says the Family (Brainbusters and Andre) is ready and Andre says he’ll thrown them out if he has to. Arn whispers to Tully when Andre isn’t looking because Arn Anderson is more awesome than you.

Hogan gives his usual promo with the focus on Boss Man and Akeem this time.

Royal Rumble

The entrants are every two minutes, allegedly. #1 is Ax and #2 is Smash, beginning a tradition of having partners fight at the beginning of these matches. They immediately pound on each other and amazingly enough, they actually sell the offense. It’s a bunch of clotheslines and punches, but the key to Demolition has always been how HARD they hit each other, which is what you get a lot of here. In at #3 is Andre, which gives us one heck of a handicap match.

Demolition immediately hits a double clothesline on Andre and start demolishing him to a BIG pop. Andre is way past being past his prime here but this is still cool to see. Here’s Mr. Perfect at #4 and he strolls down the aisle, which is pretty wise for him. Andre starts fighting Demolition off and for some reason this turns into a tag match. Andre easily throws out Smash, resulting in a 2-1 attack on Andre.

The Giant fights them off and Perfect sells a headbutt as only Mr. Perfect can. Here’s Ronnie Garvin at #5 and they get Andre tied up in the ropes. The Giant breaks free and beats up Ax while Garvin and Hennig fight a bit. Andre shifts over to beat up Perfect, giving us some more awesome overselling. Greg Valentine is in at #6 to make it 4-1 against Andre. AGAIN Andre is all like BRING IT ON and knocks them away, eliminating Garvin in the process.

Andre chokes Valentine in the corner while Ax and Perfect continue their rather uninteresting fight. Andre starts choking Ax and the look on his face is eerie. Jake Roberts is #7 and Andre immediately pounds him down. Nothing of note happens for two minutes so here’s Ron Bass at #8 as Jake gets eliminated by Andre. Shawn Michaels is in at #9, giving us Ax, Perfect, Andre, Bass, Valentine and Michaels. As I type that, Perfect knocks out Ax.

Perfect throws Shawn over the top rope but some skinning the cat brings him back in. Shawn dropkicks Perfect to the apron as we get into a sell-off. #10 is Butch who gets a big pop of his own. As Butch gets in, here’s Jake Roberts again with the snake to scare Andre out of the match. The fans look at something, presumably Jake and Andre in the aisle, as things settle down a lot. It’s Honky Tonk Man at #11 as things are in that annoying slow period of most Rumbles.

Tito Santana is in at #12 to finally balance the heel/face ratio out a bit. There’s almost nothing going on here other than the energy burst you get from the new guys coming in. Bass hits a good backdrop on Michaels as Santana barely survives an attack from Valentine. Bad News Brown is #13 and Butch and Santana (there’s a pairing for you) dump Honky. Butch gets beaten up and Shawn goes up top to jump on Bad News and Bass. Marty Jannetty is #14 and the Rockers double dropkick Bass out.

Tito kills Valentine with the forearm and world champion Randy Savage is #15. NOW the place wakes up as he hammers away on Bad News. Perfect and Savage go at it in a match that would have the purists drooling. Speaking of making purists drool, Arn Anderson is #16. Savage dumps Valentine as Shawn fights Arn. Savage….saves Anderson and eliminates Shawn? Now there’s one I didn’t expect. To recap, we’ve got Marty, Anderson, Butch, Brown, Savage, Santana and Perfect in there at the moment. That’s quite the lineup for the most part.

Tully Blanchard makes the lineup even stronger at #17. Just to be clear, that’s two tag teams getting back to back numbers. Gee, what are the odds? The Brainbusters double team Marty as we’re just waiting for Hogan at this point. And here he is at #18. There goes Perfect, giving him the new Iron Man record at just under 28:00. Off camera, Savage and the Busters put Santana out as Hulk beats up Brown. Hogan fights off all three heels as Savage beats on Butch. Nice partner, especially after Hogan saved Savage when he got to the ring.

Here’s Luke at #19 as things slow down again. Butch gets thrown out after a remarkable 18 minutes. Hogan hot shots Blanchard but has to beat up Luke instead of eliminating Tully. After a brief lull, here’s Koko B. Ware at #20. After more of that epic Hulk vs. Luke showdown, Arn goes up top and is immediately slammed down by Hogan. Dude, you’re best friends with RIC FLAIR. Why would you think that’s smart? Hogan dumps Koko and Luke but gets double teamed by the Busters.

Warlord is #20 and Hogan clotheslines both Busters out at the same time. Warlord poses on the apron, gets in, and is clotheslined out in 2 seconds flat, setting a record that would last 20 years. Hogan also dumps Bad News, but it takes out Savage in the process which adds even more fuel to the Mega Powers Exploding in less than a month. Liz comes in to play peacemaker and the Powers shake hands.

Now we get the big showdown of the match as Big Boss Man is #21 and gets to face Hogan one on one. This is when Boss Man weighed like 400lbs and was just freaking fat. Hulk slams Boss Man down and pounds away in the corner but falls victim to a splash. A piledriver puts Hulk down and Boss Man stands tall. Gorilla says Hogan has been out there for half an hour (it’s been about 8 or 9 minutes) and Jesse is hilarious in freaking out.

To give us the third team back to back in this Rumble, #22 is Akeem. Hogan rams them together and slams Akeem but the numbers catch up with Hogan. After a brief comeback, a double splash crushes Hogan and he’s easily tossed. Hogan, ever the jerk, pulls Boss Man out and beats on him, which is apparently an elimination. Beefcake is #23, which means we just missed what could have been a good house show tag match.

Hogan and Boss Man brawl to the back as we get to the pretty dull third act of the Rumble. Red Rooster is #24 and helps double team Akeem a bit. They try to dump Akeem but Barbarian comes in at #25 and breaks it up. Gorilla: “That was kind of stupid.” Taylor and Akeem pair off, as do Barbarian and Beefcake and the heels take over. Akeem crushes the Rooster (Terry Taylor in case you’re some young kid) and here’s Big John Studd at #27.

Nothing of note happens there so here’s Hercules at #28. Again nothing happens so Rick Martel is #29. He goes right for Akeem but Studd shoves him away because Akeem is his big piece of chicken tonight. DiBiase is of course #30, giving us DiBiase, Akeem, Hercules, Beefcake, Studd, Barbarian, Rooster and Martel. Jesse and Gorilla have a debate about what a manager is as DiBiase throws out the Rooster to get us down to seven.

DiBiase and Barbarian team up to put out Hercules and Beefcake, leaving us with five. This last part isn’t quite death for the match but it’s certainly a bad sickness. Martel puts out the Barbarian to give us a final four. Akeem misses a splash on Martel in the corner and Rick fires off some dropkicks to no avail.

A cross body is caught and Akeem dumps Martel to get us down to Studd, Akeem and DiBiase. Akeem pounds on Studd as DiBiase gives instructions. Studd pulls Ted in front of a splash and dumps Akeem to get us down to two. DiBiase offers money but Studd shakes a finger at him. Studd actually fires off some suplexes to the shock of Monsoon. The elimination is academic and Studd wins.

Rating: C-. The last third REALLY hurts this. It’s not that it’s bad but after Hogan leaves you could almost hear a pin fall. Ha I made a wrestling joke. Also, John Studd? Really? They’ve got all those guys in there and they pick Studd to win? After Wrestlemania the guy was pretty much gone and I don’t think there was ever a clear reason for Studd winning given, other than they thought he was going to be a big deal. It’s just an odd pick and one that hindsight doesn’t look kindly on. Anyway not a terrible match but the booking hurts it.

Savage reassures himself that he’s still great. You can hear the paranoia and see the heel turn coming if you look hard enough.

Jesse and Gorilla wrap things up.

Overall Rating: D+. I can’t say this was a bad show because nothing on here is truly terrible, but it’s certainly not good either. This is very characteristic of the late 80s as other than Hogan and Savage, the stories were very limited at best. They were trying though and that’s something you can’t fake. Not a terrible show, but it’s nothing more than a moment \for the most part.

Ratings Comparison

Jim Duggan/Hart Foundation vs. Dino Bravo/Fabulous Rougeaus

Original: C+

Redo: C

Rockin’ Robin vs. Judy Martin

Original: C-

Redo: D

King Haku vs. Harley Race

Original: C

Redo: D+

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D+

About the same again. That’s interesting compared to what happened with the Survivor Series Redos.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/08/royal-rumble-count-up-1989/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

It’s December) and that means it’s time for the Road to Wrestlemania to begin. That road starts with the Royal Rumble, which has a very long history to it which we’re going to get into every day for the next 32 days before we hit the 2021 edition. We’ll start with a brief intro into the background of the show and how it got started before moving into the show itself.

So back in late 1987, the NWA was going to start airing PPVs of their own with the first one being Starrcade on Thanksgiving night. Vince, ever the ball buster, decided to air his own show on that night called the Survivor Series, saying that whoever didn’t air his show wouldn’t get to air Wrestlemania. Most of the cable companies bailed on Crockett (NWA owner for all intents and purposes) and aired Survivor Series, but they told Vince to NEVER do that again.

This is where Vince got crafty: he couldn’t air a PPV on the night that Crockett was running his next PPV (Bunkhouse Stampede, which is one of the DUMBEST and most screwed up shows ever for a ton of reasons, including not even being able to get the freaking start time right), but he could run a free TV show on that night. Therefore, he got an idea from one Pat Patterson about a battle royal with timed entrances and a card around it. The idea is the Royal Rumble, and there have been twenty five of them so far. Let’s get to it.

Royal Rumble 1988
Date: January 24, 1988
Location: Copps Coliseum, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 18,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura

So as I said, this is the first of the Rumbles and it aired on live TV instead of on Pay Per View. The battle royal tonight is twenty men instead of thirty and we also have three other matches on the card on top of that. We also get a bench press demonstration from Dino Bravo (just go with it) and the contract signing for Hogan vs. Andre II at the first live Main Event which would happen in twelve days. In a KB related story, I would happen in about ten days. Let’s get to it.

Vince does the intro over what I thought was Rude’s music. Oh it was Rude’s music. No wonder they sounded alike.

Rick Rude vs. Ricky Steamboat

This should work well with a career face vs. a career heel. That’s another thing you never get anymore: matches for the sake of having a match. You know what? It could work today too. For the sake of simplicity, Rick will only be used for Rude and Ricky will only be used for Steamboat. Rude pounds away to start but Steamboat fires off chops in retaliation. Rude throws him over the top because he’s still new at this WWF thing. Steamboat skins the cat back in and throws Rude to the floor.

Steamboat does Rude’s pose and Rude complains of a pull of the tights. Back in and Rude wants a test of strength and Dragon, ever the slow one, accepts. Down goes Ricky but he finally hits a knee to the hand to break the grip, followed by a wicked spin out to take Rude to the mat. Steamboat cranks on the arm and does so for a good while. The crowd is pretty much quiet here, so we can hear the individual shouts from fans which give Vince and Jesse something to talk about.

Rude escapes but Steamboat chops him right back down and armdrags him down as only Ricky can do. An elbow puts Ricky down for a bit and Rick pounds away some more. Steamboat comes back with chops and another armdrag into an armbar. More slugging out occurs with chops vs. punches dominating the action. In something you don’t often see, Steamboat seems to botch a spot, resulting in him backing into a knee from Rude and falling (intentionally) to the floor.

Rick sends Steamboat back first into the apron and slams him down as Steamboat is in trouble. There’s a camel clutch by Rude as he finally has a body part to work on. Steamboat taps but that wouldn’t mean anything else for about six years. The referee checks the arm and they make a BIG error as Ricky lets his arm fall three times before stopping it on the fourth drop. Jesse FREAKS as only he can but the match just keeps going. Gotta love that live TV thing right?

Anyway Steamboat stands up and drops Rude on his back to put both guys down. It’s Steamboat up first but a splash hits knees. Back to the chinlock but Ricky makes the ropes and sends Rude into the buckle ten times. A chop to the face gets two and we hit the mat for some technical stuff and a pinfall reversal sequence. By that I mean about five pin attempts each and the crowd is waking up now. Ricky suplexes Rude down but Rude pulls the referee in the way of the cross body. Rude puts on the over the shoulder backbreaker (his move before the Rude Awakening) but it’s a DQ win for Steamboat.

Rating: C. The main issue here was the length. This runs about eighteen minutes and a lame ending didn’t help things either. At least you had two talented guys in there to make the match work a bit better. Still though, cut about five minutes off of this one and it’s WAY better all of a sudden. Steamboat would be gone in just a few months.

It’s time for the bench press lift record attempt. Dino Bravo is doing the lifting (in wrestling gear) and Jesse is spotting. Frenchy Martin, Dino’s manager, is here too. Dino presses 415 to start but first demands complete and utter silence. The 415lbs are easily lifted ten times. We’re going for over 700 by the end so this may take awhile. Next up is 505, which I believe is what Yokozuna weighed when he debuted. That one only goes up eight times as we’re at six minutes spent on this so far.

This time it’s going to be 555. Great this is going to take even more time now. Dino stops to yell at the fans a bit first and now we’re going to the lifting. This one gets about seven reps as this continues to take time. Now it’s 595. They keep talking about a world record, even though there’s no official there to confirm this is happening or anything like that. Wait let’s yell at the fans some more before he lifts it three times. We’re at ten minutes now.

Jesse yells at McMahon a bit and Bravo takes forever to do 655. Gene doing the used car salesman selling of this segment helps a bit due to how over the top and ridiculous it is. Now they go for 715, but the record would be unofficial because the bar will have to be weighed later. We stop to yell at the fans of course first though and storms off. As Bravo goes to finish, Ventura reaches down and pulls the bar up. Yep, that’s the actual payoff of over fifteen minutes of this nonsense.

Women’s Tag Titles: Jumping Bomb Angels vs. Glamour Girls

These are real titles (held by the Glamour Girls at this point) which have perhaps the most confusing history ever, as the belts were literally bought and sold between two wrestling companies. Anyway, they’re here now and the Angels (Tateno and Yamazaki) beat the Glamour Girls (Judy Martin and Lelani Kai) in the finals of the Survivor Series match which basically set this up. This is also 2/3 falls.

I’m not entirely sure which is which on both teams but Vince doesn’t even know the names of the Angels at all until someone tells him later on. The Angels immediately charge at the Girls and hit stereo dropkicks to take over. For those of you unfamiliar with the Angels, basically imagine the Hardys before they became poster children for what drugs can do to you but with long hair and wearing one piece female swimsuits.

We start with Kai vs. Yamazaki (the one in pink. Got it) and a knee to the back from Martin gives the Girls control. Yamazaki Matrixes out of a cover and rolls Kai up for two. Off to Tateno for a kind of suplex out of a piledriver position for one. Jesse asks Vince the names of the Bomb Angels and Vince has NO idea. He suggests calling them pink and red. Yamazaki tries a cross body but it literally bounces off the shall we say rotund Martin.

Off to Kai again so Yamazaki knees her down before bring Tateno back in. Both Angels fire off forearms to take Kai down and there’s an Octopus Hold (a freaky kind of abdominal stretch from Japan) from Tateno. The Angels put on stereo figure fours before it gets down to just Tateno on Kai. There’s a legdrop between the legs ala Jeff Hardy but instead Tateno spreads her own legs to spread Kai’s into the splits as well.

Yamazaki hooks something like a Sharpshooter while being off to the side of Kai. That’s incredibly painful looking and I don’t think I’ve ever seen it otherwise. The Angels get in a tug of war over Kai with Martin losing the war. Martin makes a tag but it doesn’t count because her feet weren’t on the apron. There’s a rule you never see enforced. Not that it matters as there’s the regular tag anyway. Martin comes in and beats on Tateno a bit before hitting a falling backwards facedrop out of a powerbomb position for the first fall. Big Show called that the Alley Oop if it wasn’t clear.

Martin pounds on Tateno after the break but Tateno bridges out in the Matrix move from the mat. Martin misses a splash and there’s Yamazaki again. A middle rope clothesline puts Martin down for two as Vince knows the Angels’ names now. The Angels cause some heel miscommunication but Martin loads up the same move that won her the first fall. In a classic example of PSYCHOLOGY, Tateno rolls through it into a sunset flip for the second fall this time. See? She LEARNED over the course of the match. That shows thinking, which is psychology! It’s not that hard! She slipped a bit on the flip but I’ll forgive it this time.

The third fall begins with a double clothesline from the Angels for two on Kai but Lelani pounds away on her in retaliation. Off to Martin who blocks a fisherman’s suplex and escapes a backslide out of the corner. A slingshot sends Yamazaki into the wrong corner and double teaming gets two on her.

Off to Tateno who is thrown around even more than Yamazaki was. Tateno comes back with a pair of release atomic drops minus the knees and it’s off to Yamazaki for a top rope knee for two. A double underhook suplex gets two on Kai but a senton backsplash misses for Tateno. With Kai trying to get in, the Angels hit stereo missile dropkicks on Martin for the pin and the titles.

Rating: B. For the late 80s and women’s wrestling, this was off the charts. The Angels are every bit as good as any male cruiserweight not named Mysterio you’ll ever see and when they’re against people like the Girls, their skills are shown off even better. This was beyond state of the art for this time period and is still amazing today. Check these chicks out and you won’t be disappointed.

We recap Hogan vs. Andre at Wrestlemania by getting the opening minute or so which saw Hogan trying the slam and Andre getting a “controversial” two count. Andre wants a rematch and has been sold to DiBiase, who wants to buy the world title. Andre showed how evil he was by attacking Hogan on SNME and easily choking him down, setting up the rematch in about two weeks and a match which drew an INSANE 15 rating on LIVE national TV on NBC. Today Vince would lose his mind at a 5 on cable, so this was unthinkable back then.

Oh and now we get the contract signing between Andre and Hogan on tonight’s show for the match on February 5 in Indianapolis. DiBiase is here too as Jesse points out how stupid the fans are for cheering for a song called Real American here in Canada. Even Jack Tunney is here. For those of you unfamiliar, picture Johnny Ace if he wasn’t dripping with charisma.

Gene actually calls Andre Mr. Roussimoff here, which you NEVER hear on WWF TV. Andre won’t sit down and then he won’t sign. Hogan signs but Andre wants to read the whole thing first. One thing to note: Gene has probably said the date of the match about ten times. It’s so simple yet so effective. Andre signs and beats up Hogan for fun to end this after a LONG time.

Jesse and Vince talk about the Rumble and say that if you go over the top, it doesn’t matter where your feet touch because you’re out. I’m assuming that means you have to hit the floor but it’s not exactly clear.

Royal Rumble

Okerlund explains the rules and the intervals are every two minutes here. If you don’t know the Rumble rules, you have no business reading this. It’s a battle royal, people come in every two minutes, there are 20 people in it (this year only) last man standing wins. #1 is Bret Hart and #2 is Tito Santana, and wouldn’t you know it their tag teams are feuding right now. I mean what are the odds?

They slug it out to start with no one having any kind of advantage. Bret finally takes him down and heads towards the rope as Butch Reed comes in at #3. This is a different kind of Rumble as heels don’t fight heels and faces don’t fight faces yet. They just kind of work together as you would expect them to. Tito is almost thrown out by Reed but he escapes and beats on both heels for a bit.

It’s Neidhart in at #4 as not a ton is happening so far in this match. This leaves Santana more or less down 3-1 and everyone pounds away on him. The clock is pretty lenient so far as there’s no way they’re going two minutes between each of these entrants. We get some slow triple teaming and after a choke on the ropes, here’s Jake Roberts in at #5 to quickly toss out Reed. We’ve got Roberts/Santana vs. the Hart Foundation which is quite the tag match when you think about it.

The Harts get beaten down and then thrown into each other but Neidhart breaks up the DDT. Bret piledrives Santana down and Harley Race is in at #6. The crowd is staying way into this which is a good sign for the future. Things kind of slow down a bit as the faces and heels beat on each other for a little while. Here’s Jim Brunzell at #7 to make it a six man tag for all intents and purposes.

Roberts goes EVIL by pulling on Neidhart’s beard. Only Reed has been eliminated so far. The good guys are in control at the moment with Race almost being thrown out. Here’s Sam Houston, Jake’s real life half brother, coming in at #8 to beat on everyone in sight. Well every heel at least. The Harts finally get together and throw out Santana to get us down to six people in the ring.

After about 90 seconds, here’s Danny Davis at #9. To be fair he’s barely a jobber so it’s not like this is going to give the heels any significant advantage. Oh wait he’s fighting Sam Houston so yeah, the heels are in control. Race gets caught in the ropes and Jake keeps knocking him back and forth in a funny bit. Davis tries to kick Jake and gets his leg caught, followed by a suplex from Roberts.

Danny escapes a DDT as we get Boris Zhukov at #10, maybe 80 seconds after Davis came in. Things continue to go slow as we’re trying to build up to a regular battle royal. Race goes after Boris in the first instance of heel vs. heel in this match. Race and Hart double team Brunzell for a bit as this continues to be slow. Don Muraco comes out as #11 but Nikolai Volkoff follows him out, apparently thinking he’s #11. Now there’s a story you don’t see that often but which could work.

Brunzell puts out Zhukov and apparently Nikolai is going to be #12 in a few moments. After way too long of nothing happening, Nikolai is officially #12. Brunzell is put to the apron but gets back in just as Race is eliminated by Muraco. We’ve got eight in there at the moment, which would be Hart, Neidhart, Roberts, Brunzell, Houston, Davis, Muraco and Volkoff. Race won’t leave ringside so as Duggan comes out at #13, he beats Race up on the way. This would lead to one of those so ridiculous it’s hilarious moments at the Slammys.

Duggan goes right after Neidhart because HE wants to be the Jim in this match. The place is way into him too so the crowd reaction is good. After maybe a minute here’s Ron Bass at #14. Volkoff dumps Brunzell as Jake and Neidhart collide. The clock gets even shorter as B. Brian Blair is #15. There are way too many people in the ring now. Everyone fights everyone as Hillbilly Jim is #16, and the fourth person in this match named Jim. He also dumps out Jim Neidhart to empty the ring a tiny bit.

Dino Bravo is #17 as Bass dumps Houston. Back to slow motion mode with everyone pounding on people near the ropes without really doing much. Ultimate Warrior (doesn’t mean anything yet) is #18 and Bret is FINALLY put out by Don Muraco. I timed this next one, and the One Man Gang comes out at #19, 53 seconds after Warrior. They’re not even trying here. Gang immediately pounds on Roberts so Warrior jumps on the big man’s back. This is WAY before he would have been able to slam him anyway.

Gang dumps Blair and Roberts in about ten seconds, which is the best thing that could happen in this match. The Junkyard Dog is #20, giving us a final group of Davis, Volkoff, Muraco, Bass, Hillbilly Jim, Dino Bravo, Ultimate Warrior, Gang, Duggan and Dog. Hillbilly and Gang hammer on each other as Duggan puts Volkoff out. Gang tosses Hillbilly as Bravo and Davis double team Duggan. This ends badly for Davis as Duggan dumps him to a BIG pop.

Bravo and Gang dump the Warrior as we’re down to six pretty quickly. Bass jumps the Dog and tosses him to get us down to five. Muraco dumps Bass and we have a final four of Muraco, Gang, Duggan and Bravo. Gang splashes Duggan in the corner, leaving Muraco to have to fight off both guys. He even takes Frenchy Martin down with a dropkick, only to have Gang clothesline him out to get us down to three.

Jim gets double teamed for awhile and Bravo drops an elbow on him. The same clothesline sequence the heels tried earlier backfires and Bravo gets clotheslined out. Duggan pounds on Gang in a Mid-South reunion but a single shot from Gang takes him down. Gang beats on him next to the ropes, so Duggan low bridges him to win the first Royal Rumble.

Rating: C+. This is one of those matches where the words “well, they tried” come to mind. That’s the best way to put this match: they didn’t really know what they were doing yet, but they tried. The lack of star power hurt this one as only Duggan and maybe Dog were big names here. It wouldn’t be until next year when the star power came into this and it became a main event thing. Still though, it’s certainly not a bad match and they would get better as time went on.

We recap (see? It even happened back then) the contract signing from earlier tonight.

Hogan is in the arena (in jeans, which is a weird image for some reason) and says that he wants Andre. Standard hype interview for a big match but it’s Hogan in the late 80s so you know it’s awesome.

Islanders vs. Young Stallions

Another 2/3 falls match here just to fill in the final part of the show. The Islanders have recently kidnapped Matilda and are recently back off suspension for returning the dog. Tama and Powers (It’s Haku/Tama vs. Jim Powers/Paul Roma) start things off and no one can get a real advantage in the early going. The Stallions beat on Tama a bit, with shots to the head for some reason, before it’s Haku in off the tag.

A cross body gets two for Roma and the Stallions work on the arm for awhile. Off to Tama who gets in like one shot before we cut to a camera angle from over the announcers shoulders. That’s a new one. Powers gets caught by a double headbutt and Haku hammers away on him some more. This continues to go nowhere so I think out of boredom it’s off to Roma vs. Tama.

Roma dropkicks Tama down but Haku low bridges Roma, sending him to the floor and injuring the knee. That’s good enough for a countout for the first fall and the Stallions take Roma to the dressing room to get his knee looked at. In other words, we need a reason to show the contract signing again and let Andre talk a bit. Just like Hogan, Andre doesn’t have much to say but it hypes up the Main Event.

Back to the match after the promo, the recap and a pair of breaks and it’s basically Powers in a handicap match now. You can see big gaps of seats where fans have left. For this one, I can’t say I blame them. Powers dropkicks him down and we hear about Giant-A-Mania from Jesse. Off to Tama who pounds away even more and kicks out of a small package at two. Tama’s jumping back elbow takes Powers down and it’s a little Samoan trash talk for good measure. Haku’s dropkick gets two and there’s a gutwrench suplex for two more.

It’s off to an abdominal stretch but Powers finally hiptosses out of it to get a breather. Haku misses a splash and things slow down again, but there’s no one for Powers to tag because of Roma’s knee injury. Roma finally tags himself in and Haku casually kicks the leg out to take over. Jesse wishes that was Vince’s knee because that’s the kind of guy he is. Tama puts on a half crab and the referee stops it.

Rating: D. This match is a victim of its spot on the card. The problem here is that everything else is done and this was the textbook definition of filler. It’s hard to care about something like this when there’s no story and no interest in this match, and on top of that it wasn’t even anything decent. This is one of those matches though where you can’t blame a lot of the problems on the wrestlers.

Jesse and Vince chat a bit about what we saw to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s one major thing to keep in mind about this show: it was on free TV. On PPV, this would have been bad, but to be fair they had no idea what they were going for here so anything good, which a lot of stuff on here was, was a surprise. This was a decent entry into the show, but they did WAY better next year when they had an idea what they were doing. Good first effort though.

As I did with the last series of reviews, I’ll be comparing the new ratings to the original ones and posting a link to the original review.

Ratings Comparison

Ricky Steamboat vs. Rick Rude

Original: C+

Redo: C

Jumping Bomb Angels vs. Glamour Girls

Original: B-

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: C-

Redo: C+

Islanders vs. Young Stallions

Original: C-

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: C+

This show hasn’t changed much other than a few tweaks here and there.

Here’s the original review:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/08/royal-rumble-count-up-1988/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series 2013
Date: November 24, 2013
Location: TD Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 13,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

While those two matches aren’t the most interesting in the world, there is one match that had people’s interest. Daniel Bryan and CM Punk have both been having issues with the bizarre cult leader Bray Wyatt and his Family. The two will pair up tonight to face the Family (Luke Harper and Erick Rowan), though the real story will pick up when Bray himself gets involved. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz

Miz turned on Kofi in a tag match on Raw to set this up. He offers a handshake to start but Kofi is too smart for that. We get a surprisingly fast start with Kofi trying to get a grip on Miz but settling for a rollup for two. They trade about three rollups each for three in a very nice chain wrestling sequence until we reach a stalemate. Miz goes for the Figure Four but has to duck Trouble in Paradise. Kofi sends him to the floor for a nice dive and we take a break. Back with Kofi holding a chinlock before getting two off a cross body.

Kingston pounds away in the corner but Miz sneaks underneath him and scores with a big boot to the face. Kofi fights out and hits a double stomp to the chest followed by some nice dropkicks. The Boom Drop looks to set up Trouble In Paradise but Miz ducks, only to get caught in the SOS for two. Another Figure Four attempt is countered into a small package for two and Kofi’s high cross body gets the same. Two low knees to the face/chest put Miz down but he ducks the third and grabs a rollup for the pin.

Rating: B-. This was one of the better opening matches they’ve had in a long time. The reversal sequences were very fast paced and other than a few moments here and there, the action barely stopped. Kofi losing here doesn’t hurt him at all and Miz gets a win to help boost his heel turn. Everybody wins. Well except Kofi but you get the idea.

The opening video talks about how survival is a must before transitioning to your usual hype video for the World Title matches.

Rey Mysterio/Usos/Goldust/Cody Rhodes vs. Real Americans/Shield

Elimination rules of course and the Real Americans are Jack Swagger and Cesaro. The Usos are twin Samoan high fliers. Ricardo Rodriguez is on Spanish commentary. Colter (a VERY proud American who wants all non-Americans to leave the country) does his usual routine before the match before attempting to twerk because what would a wrestling show be without that?

Cody and Ambrose get things going as this is the anniversary of Shield’s debut. They trade waistlocks to start but Cody takes over with some right hands, only to have Ambrose pound away in the corner. Rhodes comes back with even more punches as Cole tells us that Friday is Lawler, Colter and JBL’s birthday. Ambrose pounds away in the corner but gets in an argument with the referee, allowing Cody to get a quick rollup for the elimination.

Everything breaks down with the Usos cleaning house and hitting dives to take out all of their opponents. We settle down with Goldust vs. Rollins but it’s quickly off to Swagger to drive Goldust into the corner. Jack takes him down and Cesaro comes in with a knee drop for two. Cole messes up his history by saying Andre the Giant was the sole survivor of the first Survivor Series match (that would be the main event of the first Survivor Series and the fourth match ever).

Goldust gets a backslide for two on Cesaro and scores with a powerslam. A jawbreaker puts both guys down but Cesaro is able to tag first. Swagger comes in but misses the Vader Bomb, allowing for the hot tag off to Mysterio. He easily takes Swagger down to set up the 619 and it’s a superkick from Jimmy followed by the Superfly Splash from Jey to eliminate Swagger.

Cesaro immediately comes in with an uppercut to Jey to set up the Cesaro Swing. The fans count along with the swings but it’s only 15 revolutions. He must be tired tonight. Jimmy comes in without a tag and gets a swing of his own 19 revolution swing. Cody gets the tag and scores with a sunset flip out of nowhere for the elimination, leaving us with Rollins/Reigns vs. all five members of the other team.

Reigns comes in to work on Cody’s arm but it’s off to Jey instead. Roman easily tags him into the Shield corner and the two remaining members take over with the alternating tags. Rollins comes in with a top rope fist to Jey’s jaw and we hit the chinlock. Jey fights up and backdrops Rollins over the top rope, allowing for the tag off to Jimmy. A Samoan Drop gets two on Reigns and the running Umaga attack in the corner keeps him in trouble. Jimmy goes up top but has to headbutt Reigns down. He jumps down but the spear is enough for a quick elimination.

Cody comes in with a missile dropkick followed by the moonsault press for two on Rollins. Cross Rhodes connects but Reigns made a blind tag, allowing him to spear Cody in half for the elimination, leaving us at 3-2. Jey comes in and takes Reigns to the floor, sending him into the barricade and post. Back in and Rollins makes a quick tag to set up the Black Out (running one foot curb stomp) to eliminate Jey, leaving us with Reigns/Rollins vs. Goldust/Mysterio.

It’s Rey vs. Rollins with Mysterio getting in a quick dropkick, only to go up top and get caught in the Tree of Woe. Back to Reigns who sends Mysterio out to the floor but Rey makes it back in at 9. Reigns’ spear goes into the post by mistake but Rollins knocks Goldust to the floor to prevent the hot tag. Rey grabs a rollup out of nowhere to get rid of Rollins and make it 2-1.

Rollins stomps on Mysterio a bit before leaving, giving Roman a big advantage. Rey slides through Reigns’ legs and catches him with an enziguri before sending him into the corner with a drop toehold. There’s the hot tag to Goldust who gets two off a spinebuster. He pounds down right hands to Roman in the corner before a powerslam gets two. Reigns comes right back by countering the bulldog into a spear and it’s one on one. Rey tries the 619 but gets speared in half as well, giving Reigns his star making performance with his fourth elimination for the win.

Rating: B-. Total star making performance by Reigns as he was completely unstoppable out there. Save for a meaningless fall over an Uso, Reigns literally got every elimination for his team. They’re clearly setting him up to be something special, though the results since have been very mixed.

Orton interrupts an Authority meeting and wants to make sure they’re all on the same page to start. The Authority talks down to him before telling him to go prove his worth on his own.

Intercontinental Title: Curtis Axel vs. Big E. Langston

Langston, defending here, is a powerlifter and incredibly strong. This is the rematch from when Axel lost the title on Monday before why change the title here? Axel grabs a headlock to start but Langston easily powers out. They trade leapfrogs until Langston runs him over with ease. Axel sends him to the apron and forearms Langston down to the floor for his first advantage.

The fans chant You Can’t Wrestle, presumably at Axel, though the same chant at Langston wouldn’t surprise me. Axel hits a Hennig neck snap and puts on a chinlock only to have Langston power out and suplex Axel down. There’s the Warrior Splash but Axel kicks the knee and gets two off a PerfectPlex. Not that it matters as Big E. grabs Curtis for the Big Ending to retain.

Rating: D+. Well at least it was short. This was one of the least important title matches I can think of in a long time as I don’t even think Axel believed he was taking the title here. Nothing to see here and basically it was an extended squash for Langston. That’s all it should have been too since they couldn’t do the title change here due to reasons.

Post match Langston cuts a promo that would make Mick Foley proud, mentioning Boston three times in about 20 seconds.

AJ gives a semi-maniacal speech to her teammates which they take as her saying she’s better than them. AJ says yeah she’s better because they’re just here because they’re not good enough to be on Total Divas. The promo basically buries the entire division by pointing out how worthless all of them are. Rebellion is imminent even though AJ gets a great line: “Get your own show by stealing this one.”

Team AJ vs. Total Divas

AJ Lee/Tamina Snuka/Summer Rae/Alicia Fox/Rosa Mendes/Kaitlyn/Aksana

Bella Twins/Funkadactyls/JoJo/Eva Marie/Natalya

This is the result of a reality show on the E Network called Total Divas. The show resulted in Divas Champion AJ Lee going on an incredible rant about how she was a wrestler and not a reality star, setting up a feud. The Funkadactyls (Cameron and Naomi) are Brodus Clay’s former dancers. Eva Marie and JoJo were hired only to be on Total Divas. Aksana is Lithuanian and not very good. Rosa Mendes is even worse, Summer Rae is the dance partner of a wrestler named Fandango and Kaitlyn is the anti-Diva.

The Total Divas come out in a big line to the show’s theme song because they’re SO close on that show. Naomi starts with Alicia and rolls her up for a pin in just over a minute. Rosa avoids a Rear View but gets caught in a double suplex by the Funkadactyls. Mendes comes back with a quick kick to the face to eliminate Cameron, only to be taken out by a Bella Buster from Naomi.

It’s 6-5 now and here’s Summer to dance a bit. Nikki does the Worm and we’re in a dance off. Another Bella Buster gets rid of Summer and it’s time for Eva Marie who is booed out of the building. Kaitlyn only needs the gutbuster to get rid of Eva and it’s off to Naomi again. Another gutbuster takes Naomi out as we aren’t even five minutes into the match. Brie avoids a spear from Kaitlyn and takes her out with a missile dropkick.

Aksana comes in and pins Brie after an AJ cheap shot and a spinebuster. Nikki comes in and puts Aksana in a Torture Rack backbreaker for a pin. I’m not skipping anything between these falls by the way. Tamina headbutts Nikki down a few times but the Bella comes back with an enziguri. Natalya was taken down by something the camera missed so it’s off to JoJo vs. Tamina.

Snuka toys with her but gets rolled up for two, only to kick JoJo in the face. There’s a Samoan drop for no cover because AJ wants and gets the pin. Natalya is driven into the corner by Tamina but the monster misses a charge and gets caught in the Sharpshooter. AJ tries a save but can’t get there in time and Tamina taps. Natalya reverses a quick AJ rollup into the Sharpshooter for the submission, leaving her and Nikki as the dual sole survivors.

Rating: D-. Other than their looks, nothing was good about this. The whole thing was a way to show us that Total Divas are AWESOME while making it clear that most of them are models who look good in little outfits but have no business EVER being in a ring. AJ continues to be exactly right about everything she says but WWE has decided that the reality “stars” are the heroes, no matter what.

Orton tries to get Charles Robinson on his side to no avail.

The expert panel looks to talk a bit but Ryback cuts them off. He says he’s the talent here and issues an open challenge to anyone on the roster. Here’s his answer.

Mark Henry vs. Ryback

Henry is shaved bald now and shoves Ryback around with ease. Ryback is thrown around again but gets taken down by a shot to the knee. Henry shoves Ryback to the floor for a six count but Ryback comes back in with a headbutt. Some JYD all fours headbutts get two for Henry but Ryback takes the knee out again. We hit the chinlock on Mark before he fights up with relative ease. The World’s Strongest Slam is countered and Ryback spinebusters him down. The Meathook is countered with something resembling a cross body and the World’s Strongest Slam gets the pin.

Rating: D. This was as stereotypical of a power match as you could have ever asked for. Henry didn’t look good here and was way too aloof out there rather than being the monster that got him over for good. Ryback is desperately in need of a change after all these losses he’s suffered in the last year.

Now the panel talks a bit.

We recap Cena vs. Del Rio. Nothing special to say here: Cena won the title last month and this is the rematch. Cena opts for no arm brace despite having to take a few months off for elbow surgery.

World Heavyweight Championship: John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio

Cena is defending. After some big match intros we’re ready to go. Cena grabs a waistlock which gets him nowhere so Del Rio puts on a headlock to take him down to the mat. Del Rio fights free and gets two off a snap suplex before going to an armbar. They head outside for a bit with Cena going shoulder first into the steps. Back in and a top rope forearm to Cena’s shoulder gets two and we hit the armbar again. This is a really slow pace so far with Del Rio talking a lot of trash and not following up on most of his offense.

Cena starts a comeback but misses a shoulder block to keep things right where they have been all match. They head outside again with Cena being sent into the steps again, allowing Del Rio to do You Can’t See Me. Back inside and we hit the armbar again as we’re somehow approaching ten minutes into this match. Cena tries a comeback with his finishing sequence but gets caught in the Backstabber for two.

Del Rio goes up top again but gets dropkicked out of the air to put both guys down again. Cena’s finishing sequence is broken up again by a thumb to the eye and Alberto gets two off a DDT. Alberto is sent to the floor and has to dive in to beat the count. Cena does the finishing sequence at triple speed but the AA is countered into a German suplex for two but the corner enziguri misses.

The STF is countered so Cena grabs a tornado DDT for another near fall. Del Rio takes him down again and stands around a lot before putting John in the Tree of Woe. That goes nowhere as Cena avoids a charge to send Del Rio into the post. The top rope Fameasser gets two but the STF is broken by a rope. Del Rio’s low superkick gets two and a neckbreaker from Cena gets the same. Del Rio grabs the armbreaker out of nowhere but Cena counters into a powerbomb to escape. Another armbreaker is countered and the AA retains Cena’s title.

Rating: D+. The lack of drama crippled this one for me. There was zero doubt for me as to who was going to win and the only question was whether it would be the AA or the STF. Del Rio just isn’t a threat to Cena at all and he never has been. Why WWE insists on going with that match time after time is beyond me. Put Alberto against Langston for a while to give Big E. a rub or whatever, but keep him away from Cena.

Santino and R-Truth play with toys. Los Matadores (Primo and Epico as bullfighters), Fandango and John Laurinitis come in for some unfunny comedy. Ok Ace was funny at least.

We recap the Wyatts vs. Punk/Bryan. Not much to this one either. The good guys are heroes and that’s not cool with Bray so he’s sent his monsters to show the world that there are no heroes.

Wyatt Family vs. CM Punk/Daniel Bryan

Before the match Bray talks about Sister Abigail telling him how tough Bryan and Punk would be. They’re the reapers though, so Punk and Bryan should run. Bray’s promos have always been strange. Bryan and Rowan get things going with Daniel firing off kicks to the leg. Rowan easily throws him down but Daniel takes him into the corner for a tag off to Punk which doesn’t get a huge reaction.

Harper comes in and charges into a boot in the corner, only to rip away at Punk’s face and chop him down. Back to Rowan for a bearhug but Punk fights out very quickly. Punk escapes a suplex and Bryan comes in to try a double suplex, only to have Rowan suplex both guys down. Bryan drives Rowan into the corner for some double kicks to the ribs to put Erick down. The crowd doesn’t seem interested in this match.

Back to Harper who is taken into the hero corner as well before a double dropkick puts both guys down. Bryan fires off the kicks and plays Bret to Punk’s Neidhart in a Hart Attack. Rowan tries to come in and the distraction lets Harper kick Punk’s head off for two. Rowan cranks on Punk’s neck for a bit before getting two off a backbreaker. Back to Harper for an uppercut followed by a quickly released Gator Roll. Rowan gets caught talking to the sheep mask which Cole finds strange for some reason.

Harper gets two off a Michinoku Driver before it’s back to Erick for some more neck cranking. Punk gets a boot up in the corner to stagger Rowan and a running DDT puts both guys down. A double tag brings in Bryan to face Harper and Daniel starts up his usual sequence. Luke gets low bridged to the floor and the FLYING GOAT (suicide dive) takes Harper out, possibly injuring the monster’s knee.

A missile dropkick gets two and there are the YES Kicks. The running dropkick in the corner staggers the big man but Harper counters a top rope hurricanrana into a super sitout powerbomb for two. The fans think this is awesome as Bray yells at the Family. Rowan splashes Bryan for two and the second heat segment begins. Harper comes in with some forearms to the back but Punk kicks him in the back of the head to give Bryan a breather.

There’s the hot tag off to Punk who takes Harper down but he dives on Rowan and Bray instead of Luke. Now the Macho Elbow connects on Harper for two and everything breaks down. The running knee takes Rowan down and Punk counters the discus lariat into the GTS for the pin on Harper.

Rating: B. This was the old school tag team formula and it worked perfectly well. Punk and Bryan are good choices for matches like this and there’s nothing wrong with the Wyatts getting pinned. The money in the feud is Bray in the ring with either of them and that’s certainly coming in the future.

Bray teases getting in but stays on the floor.

Cena is talking to the Authority about something when Orton comes in to glare at them. The Viper sounds jealous.

We recap Big Show vs. Randy Orton. Orton is supposed to be the face of the WWE but the Authority isn’t very confident in him. Big Show has weaseled his way into a title match tonight due to the threat of a lawsuit which could take over the entire company because that’s what heroes do. They’ve been brawling for a few weeks and Big Show looks dominant while Orton has no backup tonight. I wonder what’s going to happen.

WWE Championship: Randy Orton vs. Big Show

Orton is defending and is on the floor about a second after the bell rings. He trips getting back inside to show how confused he is tonight and gets chopped LOUDLY by Big Show. More slow offense sets up more chops by Big Show but Orton comes back with a dropkick and some kicks to the head. A knee drop gets two for the champion and we hit a sleeper. Big Show loudly says “two clotheslines” before hitting two clotheslines and calling for the chokeslam, sending Orton running to the floor.

Back in and Big Show slams him down before going to the top rope, only to be crotched on the top rope. The Elevated DDT out of the corner puts Big Show down and Orton poses a lot. Show grabs a chokeslam out of nowhere for two and loads up the KO punch but Orton bails to the floor. The big man follows him to the floor and throws Orton at the ropes, taking out the referee in the process. Randy finds a chair but gets it slapped out of his hands before they go into the crowd.

That goes nowhere so they head back to ringside where Orton tries the Elevated DDT again, only to have Show escape and hit the KO punch. Back inside and the Authority comes out for a distraction, allowing Orton to hit a quick RKO. The annoying crowd chants for Daniel Bryan as Orton hits the Punt to retain.

Rating: D-. What the heck was that? Unfortunately, it was exactly what most people were expecting. Big Show was trying but there’s only so much you can do when Orton spends a third of an eleven minute match running, not counting the interference at the end. Horrid main event but I guess it sets up HHH vs. Big Show.

Post match here’s Cena to hold up the World Heavyweight Championship while Orton holds up the WWE Championship. That’s Wrestlemania it would seem, but it would actually be next month.

Overall Rating: D+. This show had its moments but they totally lost me around the time of the Henry match. The card was about the same as it felt like it was going to be with a few good matches but little to care about in the main event scenes. Orton vs. Big Show was as nothing of a match as it could have been and the interference was just predictable. This show just didn’t feel necessary though it wasn’t the worst effort ever.

Ratings Comparison

The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston

Original:B-

Redo: C

Real Americans/Shield vs. Cody Rhodes/Goldust/Rey Mysterio/Usos

Original:B-

Redo: C

Curtis Axel vs. Big E. Langston

Original:D+

Redo: D+

Total Divas vs. True Divas

Original:D-

Redo: F

Mark Henry vs. Ryback

Original:D

Redo: D

Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena

Original:D+

Redo: B

Wyatt Family vs. CM Punk/Daniel Bryan

Original:B

Redo: B-

Big Show vs. Randy Orton

Original:D-

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original:D+

Redo: C-

Dang I hated Del Rio back then.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/11/24/survivor-series-2013-they-had-me-for-a-bit/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series 2013
Date: November 24, 2013
Location: TD Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

This is one of those shows that hasn’t had the best build but doesn’t look that bad when you look at it. The main events are Cena defending against Del Rio in a match few people are interested in and Big Show challenging Orton in a match even fewer were asking for. Other than that there’s a big tag team Survivor Series match and Punk/Bryan vs. the Wyatts. In other words, it should be a decent show but the interest just isn’t there. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz

Miz turned on Kofi in a tag match on Raw to set this up. He offers a handshake to start but Kofi is too smart for that. We get a surprisingly fast start with Kofi trying to get a grip on Miz but settling for a rollup for two. They trade about three rollups each for three in a very nice chain wrestling sequence until we reach a stalemate. Miz goes for the Figure Four but has to duck Trouble in Paradise. Kofi sends him to the floor for a nice dive and we take a break. Back with Kofi holding a chinlock before getting two off a cross body.

Kingston pounds away in the corner but Miz sneaks underneath him and scores with a big boot to the face. Kofi fights out and hits a double stomp to the chest followed by some nice dropkicks. The Boom Drop looks to set up Trouble In Paradise but Miz ducks, only to get caught in the SOS for two. Another Figure Four attempt is countered into a small package for two and Kofi’s high cross body gets the same. Two low knees to the face/chest put Miz down but he ducks the third and grabs a rollup for the pin at 8:40.

Rating: B-. This was one of the better opening matches they’ve had in a long time. The reversal sequences were very fast paced and other than a few moments here and there the action barely stopped. Kofi losing here doesn’t hurt him at all and Miz gets a win to help boost his heel turn. Everybody wins. Well except Kofi but you get the idea.

The opening video talks about how survival is a must before transitioning to your usual hype video for the world title matches. Nothing special.

Rey Mysterio/Usos/Goldust/Cody Rhodes vs. Real Americans/Shield

Elimination rules of course. Ricardo Rodriguez is on Spanish commentary. Colter does his usual routine before the match before attempting to twerk because what would a wrestling show be without that? Cody and Ambrose get things going as this is the Shield’s debut anniversary. They trade waistlocks to start but Cody takes over with some right hands, only to have Ambrose pound away in the corner. Rhodes comes back with even more punches as Cole tells us that Friday is Lawler, Colter and JBL’s birthday. Ambrose pounds away in the corner but gets in an argument with the referee, allowing Cody to get a quick rollup for the elimination.

Everything breaks down with the Usos cleaning house and hitting dives to take out all of their opponents. We settle down with Goldust vs. Rollins but it’s quickly off to Swagger to drive Goldust into the corner. Jack takes him down and Cesaro comes in with a knee drop for two. Cole messes up his history by saying Andre the Giant was the sole survivor of the first Survivor Series match (that would be the main event or the fourth Survivor Series match ever).

Goldust gets a backslide for two on Cesaro and scores with a powerslam. A jawbreaker puts both guys down but Cesaro is able to tag first. Swagger comes in but misses the Vader Bomb, allowing for the hot tag off to Mysterio. He easily takes Swagger down to set up the 619 and it’s a superkick from Jimmy followed by the Superfly Splash from Jey to eliminate Swagger.

Cesaro immediately comes in with an uppercut to Jey to set up the Cesaro Swing. The fans count along with the swings but it’s only 15 revolutions. Jimmy comes in without a tag and gets a swing of his own 19 revolution swing. Cody gets the tag and scores with a sunset flip out of nowhere for the elimination, leaving us with Rollins/Reigns vs. all five members of the other team.

Reigns comes in to work on Cody’s arm but it’s off to Jey instead. Roman easily tags him into the Shield corner and the two remaining members take over with the alternating tags. Rollins comes in with a top rope fist to Jey’s jaw and we hit the chinlock. Jey fights up and backdrops Rollins over the top rope, allowing for the tag off to Jimmy. A Samoan Drop gets two on Reigns and the running Umaga attack in the corner keeps him in trouble. Jimmy goes up top but has to headbutt Reigns down. He jumps down but the spear is enough for a quick elimination.

Cody comes in with a missile dropkick followed by the moonsault press for two on Rollins. Cross Rhodes connects but Reigns made a blind tag, allowing him to spear Cody in half for the elimination, leaving us at 3-2. Jey comes in and takes Reigns to the floor, sending him into the barricade and post. Back in and Rollins makes a quick tag to set up the Black Out (running one foot curb stomp) to eliminate Jey, leaving us with Reigns/Rollins vs. Goldust/Mysterio.

It’s Rey vs. Rollins with Mysterio getting in a quick dropkick, only to go up top and get caught in the Tree of Woe. Back to Reigns who sends Mysterio out to the floor but Rey makes it back in at 9. Reigns’ spear goes into the post by mistake but Rollins knocks Goldust to the floor to prevent the hot tag. Rey grabs a rollup out of nowhere to get rid of Rollins and make it 2-1.

Rollins stomps on Mysterio a bit before leaving, giving Roman a big advantage. Rey slides through Reigns’ legs and catches him with an enziguri before sending him into the corner with a drop toehold. There’s the hot tag to Goldust who gets two off a spinebuster. He pounds down right hands to Roman in the corner before a powerslam gets two. Reigns comes right back by countering the bulldog into a spear and it’s one on one. Rey tries the 619 but gets speared in half as well, giving Reigns his star making performance with his fourth elimination for the pin at 23:30.

Rating: B-. Total star making performance by Reigns here as he was completely unstoppable out there. Save for a meaningless fall over an Uso, Reigns literally got every elimination for his team. From the beginning I’ve said Reigns was the star of the team and if this isn’t proof of that, I’m not sure what is.

Orton interrupts an Authority meeting and wants to make sure they’re all on the same page to start. The Authority talks down to him before telling him to go prove his worth on his own.

Intercontinental Title: Curtis Axel vs. Big E. Langston

This is the rematch from when Axel lost the title on Monday. Axel grabs a headlock to start but Langston easily powers out. They trade leapfrogs until Langston runs him over with ease. Axel sends him to the apron and forearms Langston down to the floor for his first advantage.

The fans chant You Can’t Wrestle, presumably at Axel, showing that Boston fans aren’t that bright. Axel hits a Hennig neck snap and puts on a chinlock only to have Langston power out and suplex Axel down. There’s the Warrior Splash but Axel kicks the knee and gets two off a PerfectPlex. Not that it matters as Big E. grabs Curtis for the Big Ending to retain at 6:00.

Rating: D+. Well at least it was short. This was one of the least important title matches I can think of in a long time as I don’t even think Axel believed he was taking the title here. Nothing to see here and basically it was an extended squash for Langston. That’s all it should have been too.

Post match Langston cuts a promo that would make Mick Foley proud, mentioning Boston three times in about 20 seconds.

AJ gives a semi-maniacal speech to her teammates which they take as her saying she’s better than them. AJ says yeah she’s better because they’re just here because they’re not good enough to be on Total Divas. The promo basically buries the entire division by pointing out how worthless all of them are. Rebellion is imminent even though AJ gets a great line: “Get your own show by stealing this one.”

Team AJ vs. Total Divas

AJ Lee/Tamina Snuka/Summer Rae/Alicia Fox/Rosa Mendes/Kaitlyn/Aksana

Bella Twins/Funkadactyls/JoJo/Eva Marie/Natalya

The Total Divas come out in a big line to the show’s theme song because they’re SO close on that show. Naomi starts with Alicia and rolls her up for a pin in just over a minute. Rosa avoids a Rear View but gets caught in a double suplex by the Funkadactyls. Mendes comes back with a quick kick to the face to eliminate Cameron, only to be taken out by a Bella Buster from Naomi.

It’s 6-5 now and here’s Summer to dance a bit. Nikki does the Worm and we’re in a dance off. Another Bella Buster gets rid of Summer and it’s time for Eva Marie who is booed out of the building. Kaitlyn only needs the gutbuster to get rid of Eva and it’s off to Naomi again. Another gutbuster takes Naomi out as we aren’t even five minutes into the match. Brie avoids a spear from Kaitlyn and takes her out with a missile dropkick.

Aksana comes in and pins Brie (huh?) after an AJ cheap shot and a spinebuster. Nikki comes in and puts Aksana in a Torture Rack backbreaker for a pin. I’m not skipping anything between these falls by the way. Tamina headbutts Nikki down a few times but the Bella comes back with an enziguri. Natalya was taken down by something the camera missed so it’s off to JoJo vs. Tamina.

Snuka toys with her but gets rolled up for two, only to kick JoJo in the face. There’s a Samoan drop for no cover because AJ wants and gets the pin. Natalya is driven into the corner by Tamina but the monster misses a charge and gets caught in the Sharpshooter. AJ tries a save but can’t get there in time and Tamina taps. Natalya reverses a quick AJ rollup into the Sharpshooter for the submission, leaving her and Nikki as the survivors at 11:30.

Rating: D-. Other than their looks, nothing was good about this. The whole thing was a way to show us that Total Divas are AWESOME while making it clear that most of them are models who look good in little outfits but have no business EVER being in a ring. AJ continues to be exactly right about everything she says but WWE has decided that the reality chicks are the heroes, no matter what.

Orton tries to get Charles Robinson on his side to no avail.

Expert panel looks to talk a bit but Ryback cuts them off. He says he’s the talent here and issues an open challenge to anyone on the roster. Here’s his answer.

Mark Henry vs. Ryback

Henry is shaved bald now and shoves Ryback around with ease. Ryback is thrown around again but gets taken down by a shot to the knee. Henry shoves Ryback to the floor for a six count but Ryback comes back in with a headbutt. Some JYD all fours headbutts get two for Henry but Ryback takes the knee out again. We hit the chinlock on Mark before he fights up with relative ease. The World’s Strongest Slam is countered and Ryback spinebusters him down. The Meathook is countered with something resembling a cross body and the World’s Strongest Slam gets the pin at 4:47.

Rating: D. This was as stereotypical of a power match as you could have ever asked for. Henry didn’t look good here and was way too aloof out there rather than being the mosnter that got him over for good. Ryback is desperately in need of a change after all these losses he’s suffered in the last year.

Now the panel talks a bit.

We recap Cena vs. Del Rio. Nothing special to say here: Cena won the title last month and this is the rematch. Cena opts for no arm brace.

World Heavyweight Championship: John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio

After some big match intros we’re ready to go. Cena grabs a waistlock which gets him nowhere so Del Rio puts on a headlock to take him down to the mat. Del Rio fights free and gets two off a snap suplex before going to an armbar. They head outside for a bit with Cena going shoulder first into the steps. Back in and a top rope forearm to Cena’s shoulder gets two and we hit the armbar again. This is a really slow pace so far with Del Rio talking a lot of trash and not following up on most of his offense.

Cena starts a comeback but misses a shoulder block to keep things right where they have been all match. They head outside again with Cena being sent into the steps again, allowing Del Rio to do You Can’t See Me. Back inside and we hit the armbar again as we’re somehow approaching ten minutes into this match. Cena tries a comeback with his finishing sequence but gets caught in the Backstabber for two.

Del Rio goes up top again but gets dropkicked out of the air to put both guys down again. Cena’s finishing sequence is broken up again by a thumb to the eye and Alberto gets two off a DDT. Alberto is sent to the floor and has to dive in to beat the count. Cena does the finishing sequence at triple speed but the AA is countered into a German suplex for two but the corner enziguri misses.

The STF is countered so Cena grabs a tornado DDT for another near fall. Del Rio takes him down again and stands around a lot before putting John in the Tree of Woe. That goes nowhere as Cena avoids a charge to send Del Rio into the post. The top rope Fameasser gets two but the STF is broken by a rope. Del Rio’s low superkick gets two and a neckbreaker from Cena gets the same. Del Rio grabs the armbreaker out of nowhere but Cena counters into a powerbomb to escape. Another armbreaker is countered and the AA retains Cena’s title at 18:45.

Rating: D+. The lack of drama crippled this one for me. There was zero doubt for me as to who was going to win and the only question was whether it would be the AA or the STF. Del Rio just isn’t a threat to Cena at all and he never has been. Why WWE insists on going with that match time after time is beyond me. Put Alberto against Langston for awhile to give Big E. a rub or whatever, but keep him away from Cena.

Santino and R-Truth play with toys. Los Matadores, Fandango and JOHNNY ACE come in for some unfunny comedy. Ok Ace was funny at least.

We recap the Wyatts vs. Punk/Bryan. Not much to this one either. The good guys are heroes and that’s not cool with Bray. He’s sent his monsters to show the world that there are no heroes.

Wyatt Family vs. CM Punk/Daniel Bryan

Before the match Bray talks about Sister Abigail telling him how tough Bryan and Punk would be. They’re the reapers though, so Punk and Bryan should run. Bryan and Rowan get things going with Daniel (actually with a shorter beard here) firing off kicks to the leg. Rowan easily throws him down but Daniel takes him into the corner for a tag off to Punk which doesn’t get a huge reaction.

Harper comes in and charges into a boot in the corner, only to rip away at Punk’s face and chop him down. Back to Rowan for a bearhug but Punk fights out very quickly. Punk escapes a suplex and Bryan comes in to try a double suplex, only to have Rowan suplex both guys down. Bryan drives Rowan into the corner for some double kicks to the ribs to put Erick down. The crowd doesn’t seem interested in this match.

Back to Harper who is taken into the hero corner as well before a double dropkick puts both guys down. Bryan fires off the kicks and plays Bret to Punk’s Neidhart in a Hart Attack. Rowan tries to come in and the distraction lets Harper kick Punk’s head off for two. Rowan cranks on Punk’s neck for a bit before getting two off a backbreaker. Back to Harper for an uppercut followed by a quickly released Gator Roll. Rowan gets taught talking to the sheep mask which Cole finds strange for some reason.

Harper gets two off a Michinoku Driver before it’s back to Erick for some more neck cranking. Punk gets a boot up in the corner to stagger Rowan and a running DDT puts both guys down. A double tag brings in Bryan to face Harper and Daniel starts up his usual sequence. Luke gets low bridged to the floor and the FLYING GOAT takes Harper out, possibly injuring the monster’s knee.

A missile dropkick gets two and there are the YES Kicks. The running dropkick in the corner staggers the big man but Harper counters a top rope hurricanrana into a super sitout powerbomb for two. AWESOME spot there. The fans think this is awesome as Bray yells at the Family. Rowan splashes Bryan for two and the second heat segment begins. Harper comes in with some forearms to the back but Punk kicks him in the back of the head to give Bryan a breather.

There’s the hot tag off to Punk who takes Harper down but he dives on Rowan and Bray instead of Luke. Now the Macho Elbow connects on Harper for two and everything breaks down. The running knee takes Rowan down and Punk counters the discus lariat into the GTS for the pin on Harper at 16:55.

Rating: B. This was the old school tag team formula and it worked perfectly well. Punk and Bryan are good choices for matches like this and there’s nothing wrong with the Wyatts getting pinned. The money in the feud is Bray in the ring with either of them and that’s certainly coming in the future. Good stuff here.

Bray teases getting in but stays on the floor.

Cena is talking to the Authority about something when Orton comes in to glare at them. The Viper sounds jealous.

We recap Big Show vs. Randy Orton. Orton is supposed to be the face of the WWE but the Authority isn’t very confident in him. Big Show has weaseled his way into a title match tonight due to the threat of a lawsuit which could take over the entire company because that’s what heroes do. They’ve been brawling for a few weeks and Big Show looks dominant while Orton has no backup tonight. Of course he doesn’t.

WWE Championship: Randy Orton vs. Big Show

Orton is defending and is on the floor about a second after the bell rings. He trips getting back inside to show how confused he is tonight and gets chopped LOUDLY by Big Show. More slow offense sets up more chops by Big Show but Orton comes back with a dropkick and some kicks to the head. A knee drop gets two for the champion and we hit a sleeper. Big Show loudly says “two clotheslines” before hitting two clotheslines and calling for the chokeslam, sending Orton running to the floor.

Back in and Big Show slams him down before going to the top rope, only to be crotched on the top rope. The Elevated DDT out of the corner puts Big Show down and Orton poses a lot. Show grabs a chokeslam out of nowhere for two and loads up the KO punch but Orton bails to the floor. The big man follows him to the floor and throws Orton at the ropes, taking out the referee in the process. Randy finds a chair but gets it slapped out of his hands before they go into the crowd.

That goes nowhere so they head back to ringside where Orton tries the Elevated DDT again, only to have Show escape and hit the KO punch. Back inside and the Authority comes out for a distraction, allowing Orton to hit a quick RKO. The annoying crowd chants for Daniel Bryan as Orton hits the Punt to retain at 11:10.

Rating: D-. What the heck was that? Unfortunately, it was exactly what most people were expecting. Big Show was trying but there’s only so much you can do when Orton spends a third of an eleven minute match running, not counting the interference at the end. Horrid main event but I guess it sets up HHH vs. Big Show. Uh….yay.

Post match here’s Cena to hold up the World Heavyweight Championship while Orton holds up the WWE Championship. That’s Wrestlemania it would seem.

Overall Rating: D+. This show had its moments but they totally lost me around the time of the Henry match. The card was about the same as it felt like it was going to be with a few good matches but little to care about in the main event scenes. Orton vs. Big Show was as nothing of a match as it could have been and the interference was just predictable. This show just didn’t feel necessary though it wasn’t the worst effort ever.

Results

Shield/Real Americans b. Cody Rhodes/Goldust/Rey Mysterio/Usos – Spear to Mysterio

Big E. Langston b. Curtis Axel – Big Ending.

Total Divas b. Team AJ – Sharpshooter to AJ

Mark Henry b. Ryback – World’s Strongest Slam

John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio – Attitude Adjustment

Daniel Bryan/CM Punk b. Wyatt Family – GTS to Harper

Randy Orton b. Big Show – Punt Kick

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

 

Summerslam 2013
Date: August 18, 2013
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 17,739
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s a double main event tonight with a pair of smaller guys vs. big powerhouses with CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar and Daniel Bryan challenging John Cena for the World Title. This is remembered as one of the best shows in a very long time for WWE and it should be interesting to see how well it holds up. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: United States Title: Dean Ambrose vs. Rob Van Dam

Ambrose is defending and there’s no Shield with him to start. Some standing switches go nowhere and Ambrose continues to look moderately displeased by the whole thing at worst. Rob is right back up with a spinning kick to the chest, meaning he can hit those finger pokes. You don’t do that to Ambrose, who chops away in the corner and stops a charging Rob with a kick to the face.

The neck crank goes on, followed by a running dropkick against the ropes to keep Rob in trouble. It’s back to the chinlock with the microphones picking up the spot calling. Rob is right back up with a kick to the face and the split legged moonsault out of the corner for two. A kick to the head breaks up the original Dirty Deeds (headlock driver) but here are Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins. That brings out Mark Henry and Big Show and we take a break. Back with everyone standing at ringside and Dean dropping an elbow for two. The ECW chants bring Rob back to life but Dean sends him outside.

That means a staredown between the four on the floor with Rob managing a suplex on Dean. The spinning kick to the back on the apron has Dean in even more trouble and it’s a top rope cannonball for two back inside. Dean is right back with a spinebuster for two of his own but misses his top rope elbow. Rob has to go after Rollins instead of trying the Five Star so he kicks Dean down again. The Five Star connects but Roman Reigns comes in with a spear for the DQ at 13:40.

Rating: B-. This worked rather well and is one of Van Dam’s last good matches either in WWE or anywhere for that matter. He looked like his old self here and made Ambrose look good, even when he got the DQ win. This was still before Shield had reached their peak and they were far better as a team anyway. It got the crowd going and happened to be a good match in the process. Not bad for the Kickoff.

Here’s the Miz as your host for the evening. His task at the moment: tell us about the main events we already know. How TNA of him. We’re about to hear our first match but Fandango and Summer Rae cut him off with some dancing. Miz: “Really? Really? WELCOME TO SUMMERSLAM!”

The opening video focuses on Los Angeles and how big things happen here. Like Summerslam. That’s a nice motif and it moves into the double main event, which is indeed sounding great. Future note: the music during this video would become Akira Tozawa’s theme (not sure if that’s a Network edit or not).

Dig that pyro. Seriously with all the money they have, we can only get it at Wrestlemania and the Saudi shows?

Jojo from Total Divas sings the National Anthem. This was a plot point on Total Divas because that she needed to stretch for plot points.

Kane vs. Bray Wyatt

This is a Ring of Fire match, meaning an Inferno match with pins and submissions only. It’s also Bray’s in-ring debut, which is almost weird to imagine. Harper and Rowan are in Wyatt’s corner, as tends to be the case. The bell rings and the flames come up, going all of six inches high. Kane slugs away to start and the flames do go higher as someone lands on the mat.

Harper and Rowan get closer to the ring and the flames go WAY up to make things look a lot better. Kane hits a suplex to pop the flames again and avoids a big boot, sending Bray close to the fire. Bray’s running splash in the corner connects and he hammers away as the fans aren’t exactly thrilled so far. Back up and Kane sends him into the corner and the side slam makes the flames go up again. The chokeslam is broken up and Harper tries to throw in a kendo stick but the flames cut it off.

Cue the fireman to put the stick out, allowing Kane to hit the chokeslam. Rowan grabs the fire extinguisher to try and put out the flames but they come right back up as Kane hits another chokeslam. For some reason there’s no cover so Kane hits a third chokeslam, meaning it’s Tombstone time. Hold on again though as Harper and Rowan put a blanket over the flames and get in for the beatdown. The fans want Undertaker but settle for Sister Abigail to finish Kane at 7:49.

Rating: F. Well that was dumb. You have Wyatt getting destroyed until the goons saved him, the flames not lasting seven minutes before someone figured a way around them, and the match being dreadful until the ending. Pick two of them and you can figure out what was wrong with this one. It was a good idea on paper but the execution was a nightmare, which sums up Wyatt’s whole career.

Post match Wyatt puts on his hat and sits in the rocking chair as Harper and Rowan put Kane’s head on the steps. They pick up the other steps and crush his head for the big knockout, which looked better than most of the match. Harper and Rowan carry Kane out.

The Kickoff Show panel talks about the Wyatt Family.

On the Kickoff Show, Paul Heyman talked about how the real story of David vs. Goliath is that Goliath took the best shot and then destroyed David. Heyman has gotten both sides to agree that tonight can be No DQ so Lesnar can finish Punk for good.

Damien Sandow vs. Cody Rhodes

Sandow is Mr. Money in the Bank and cost Cody the briefcase to break up their team. Before the match, Sandow talks about how there have been great pairings throughout literary history, with each pair having a lackey. Tonight, Sandow proves that he was the leader by sending Cody back to the land of clowns. Cody starts fast and hammers away before getting two off a backdrop. Sandow is right back with a suplex and a double arm crank as this is already feeling like a TV match.

An early Cross Rhodes attempt is blocked and Sandow hits the Russian legsweep into the wind-up elbow for two. Something like Edge’s Edgecation goes on but Cody kicks away without much effort. Cody catches him on top with a MuscleBuster of all things and that gets the fans into things for a change. A missile dropkick gives Cody two more and the Disaster Kick knocks Sandow silly for another two. Cody misses a charge into the post to give Sandow two but Cody snaps off Cross Rhodes for the pin at 6:39.

Rating: D. This was a case where Cody should have won the briefcase and moved up to the World Title scene but instead they went with Sandow and the whole thing flopped because no one bought him in that spot. Maybe they were planning on having Cody take the briefcase from him, but the damage was already done. It’s a case of putting too much thought into things as WWE screwed up something else.

We recap Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio for the Smackdown World Title. Alberto had put Christian on the shelf late last year and now Christian is the challenger of the month. Actually saying this is recapping Christian vs. Alberto is a little misleading as Alberto is neither seen nor mentioned in the video. I know he’s not interesting but come on now.

Smackdown World Title: Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio

Alberto is defending. They circle each other a few times until a loud kick to the leg has Christian in trouble. A headlock doesn’t do much for the champ as Christian comes back up with a right hand and a toss over the ropes. Back in and Christian gets caught on top for the running enziguri into the running kicks to the chest. It’s time to go to the arm, as tends to be Del Rio’s style.

The armbar doesn’t last long so Del Rio throws him into the air for the big crash to the mat. A top rope double stomp to the arm gets two but Del Rio misses a charge and goes crashing out to the floor. That lets Christian hit a dive off the top and they’re both down. Back in and Del Rio goes right back to the arm, because it’s a plan that works well. He deviates from said plan by going up and diving into raised boots though, allowing Christian to hammer away in the corner.

The high crossbody gets two on the champ but the Killswitch is countered into a Backstabber. Another running enziguri in the corner rocks Christian for two more but he’s fine enough to hit a middle rope elbow to the jaw. A super hurricanrana gives Christian another two and it’s time for the spear.

Since the idea of selling Christian’s spear makes anyone cringe, Del Rio dropkicks him in the face for two instead. There’s a low superkick for another two, with the fans dubbing this awesome. Eh…..it’s close but I don’t know about that. Christian hits the spear out of nowhere but the arm is banged up, allowing Del Rio to slap on the armbreaker for the tap at 12:29.

Rating: B. I can’t go all the way to awesome but this was a rather fun match with Christian throwing everything he had. That being said, I wasn’t buying a lot of the near falls as Christian never hit the Killswitch and Del Rio never won with anything but the armbreaker. Christian’s career was more or less done at this point, as he would be put out of action again in a few months and have his last comeback with his final match in March.

Post match Del Rio says he’ll be the hero Los Angeles needs. Someone get this man a big bus!

Video on Summerslam Axxess earlier in the day, complete with a women’s tag match including Marina Menunos.

Maria is here and talks about the Bella Twins freaking out about Maria saying Natalya did well on Total Divas. Cue Fandango and Summer Rae to dance but Maria and Miz do just the same, leaving Fandango and Summer looking annoyed.

Natalya vs. Brie Bella

Cameron, Naomi, Eva Marie and Nikki Bella are here because this is the Total Divas match of the night. It’s weird seeing Natalya in regular gear instead of the leather she’s worn for years now. You can tell this is serious as they exchanged SLAPS on Raw. They fight over failed hiptoss attempts to start and it’s time for another slapoff. Brie has to bail to the floor to avoid the Sharpshooter so Nikki and Eva get in some cheating to take Natalya to the floor. The fans chant for JBL instead of this mess before quickly shifting over to the other announcers. Or maybe it’s an old Jerry Graham fan club.

Brie grabs the chinlock as the fans want tables. Egads the idea of the Total Divas crew trying to do something that complicated. The chinlock goes on again because that’s their best idea at the moment. Natalya fights out without much trouble but the Sharpshooter is countered with a rollup into the corner. The other four get in a fight on the floor and it’s a THIRD CHINLOCK in less than five minutes. Natalya breaks it up and, with the fans saying they want Ryder, slaps on the Sharpshooter for the win at 5:21.

Rating: D-. Any match that involves three chinlocks in less than five minutes is pretty self explanatory. There was no story here other than they were arguing about a reality show and that’s enough to get us here. The wrestling was pretty awful with the talented Natalya not being good enough to carry Brie. At least it was short, but this really had no business being on Summerslam.

Ryback, currently a bully, yells at catering about the soup being cold. It’s supposed to be, which Ryback knew of course. The soup goes down the chef’s shirt and then over his head. Ryback: “Feed me moron.” Make sure you catch his podcast so he can tell you how he came up with that entire idea and how it would have been a classic if WWE supported him.

We recap CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar. Punk was about to win Money in the Bank but Paul Heyman turned on him because Punk was nothing without him. Heyman brought Lesnar back in to destroy Punk, who had been Heyman’s friend and client for a long time. It’s a pretty easy tagline: The Best vs. The Beast. This was better than the UFC version: Former UFC Heavyweight Champion vs. The Miserable Failure.

CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar

No DQ. I know I say this a lot, but a fired up Lesnar is a terrifying human being. Punk shrugs off the shoulders in the corner to start so Lesnar just does them again. The CM PUNK chants begin and you can feel the energy in this one. A heck of a beal across the ring rocks Punk and it’s time for some choking in the corner. Punk manages a kick to the head and Lesnar is rocked, followed by some running knees to put him outside.

The suicide dive connects as I can’t help but look for the baseball sized growth on his back (it’s just hard not to). Punk tries the steps but Brock knocks them right back into him without much effort. Lesnar posts himself though and Punk scores with a top rope dive to stagger him again. The clothesline off the announcers’ table connects as well but Punk makes the mistake of going after Heyman. Lesnar LAUNCHES him over the table and Cole is declaring this one over already.

Back in and Punk starts kicking at the leg so Lesnar hits him in the face (don’t make it complicated). The bearhug stays on the ribs as you can’t fault Lesnar’s plan. Punk’s escape plan: hit Lesnar in the face. See? He’s learning too. Lesnar goes right back to the ribs and the slow pace continues. Another bearhug goes on and gets broken up by more shots to the face. Punk kicks him in the ribs and goes up, only to dive into a World’s Strongest Slam (giving us a great OH DANG IT face).

Some backbreakers get two as Punk’s ribs are being destroyed and we hit the chinlock. Punk bites the ear to escape and starts striking away, setting up a top rope knee to the face to FINALLY put Lesnar down. Some running knees in the corner connect and a kick to the head sets up the Macho Elbow (almost a splash) for a hot two. The GTS and F5 are both countered so Punk kicks him in the head again.

Another GTS attempt is countered into the Kimura but that’s reversed into a triangle choke. You just don’t do that to a power guy like Lesnar though, as he turns it over into a powerbomb….which doesn’t break anything. Lesnar powers up again though, this time into a heck of a running powerbomb for the real break. The delayed cover gets two and a ticked off Lesnar rolls some suplexes for two more.

Lesnar takes his sweet time going outside so Punk can get up top for a dive. That’s blocked by a raised chair, but Punk still drives it into Lesnar at the same time. That means Punk can beat the heck out of Lesnar with the chair and it’s Punk getting fired up this time. Back in and Punk hits him low, meaning it’s time to go up top for the Macho Elbow with the chair. Lesnar can’t get up (that’s a rare shot) so Punk hits him again, leaving Heyman to take the chair.

Brock is back up and grabs the F5 but Punk grabs Heyman’s tie for the block. Punk slips out and hits the GTS with Heyman having to make a save. The chase is on and Punk runs into the F5, which is countered into a DDT for two. The Anaconda Vice goes on, but since Lesnar’s legs aren’t kicking you know it’s not a finish. Heyman tries to come in with a chair….but Punk steps onto it. A right hand drops Heyman and Punk puts him in the Vice (like an idiot). Lesnar gets in the chair shot to Punk and the F5 onto the chair is good for the pin at 25:17.

Rating: A. Oh I loved this one all over again. The one part holding it back was Heyman getting involved once too often and Punk getting stupid by putting him in the Vice (he’s way too smart to get that caught up no matter what). Other than that, this was an incredible display of the underdog (who happens to be a multiple time World Champion) going after the unbeatable monster and getting dangerously close to stopping him. I was getting into the near falls here and that says a lot given that I knew how it was ending. Awesome stuff and the blueprint for how to have a smaller guy fight Lesnar.

Punk gets the big hero’s sendoff in what would be his last great match.

A fan took a Mark Henry splash for Summerslam tickets. I’d do it too. The fan and his friends will be ringside for the next match.

Dolph Ziggler/Kaitlyn vs. Big E. Langston/AJ Lee

Langston and Lee turned on Ziggler so he got Kaitlyn, who lost the Divas Title to AJ, on his side for this. It’s so strange seeing Big E. as his old self. The guys start and Big E. goes straight to an abdominal stretch to take over. It’s already off to the women with AJ kicking Kaitlyn in the face for two. The sleeper on Kaitlyn’s back keeps things slow and we look at the fans eating Doritos (sponsor).

Kaitlyn fights up and brings Ziggler back in for the dropkick and rapid fire elbow drops to Big E. Since they’re just elbows, Big E. is right back up with an over the shoulder backbreaker for two with Kaitlyn making the save. A hard running shoulder in the corner only hits post, leaving Kaitlyn to hit a heck of a spear to AJ on the floor (AJ always sold that perfectly). Big E. is fine enough to try the Big Ending but Ziggler reverses into the Zig Zag for the pin at 6:45.

Rating: D+. This was nothing but a way to let the crowd calm down a bit after the instant classic and there’s nothing wrong with being in that spot. Kaitlyn’s spear looked awesome and it was always cool to see Big E. throwing humans around like they were toys. The Ziggler push was already dying around this time but somehow he would still be kicking around in big spots six years later. WWE is funny/stupid in that way.

Fandango interrupts Miz one more time so Miz lays him out. Cole: “It’s Fan-DOWN-Go.” No Cole, it isn’t.

The Kickoff Panel does what Kickoff Panels do. In this case that means picking Daniel Bryan to beat John Cena for the title.

We recap Cena vs. Bryan. Cena was given the chance to pick his challenger for this show and selected Bryan, who had worked his way up the card like few others in recent years. Management hated the idea because Bryan wasn’t good enough and tried to give Bryan a corporate makeover. Bryan refused to cut his beard though because he was going to be himself. HHH, who has seemed to favor Bryan, is guest referee. Bryan and Cena have played up the sports entertainment vs. wrestling deal, which is exactly what this match should be about.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Daniel Bryan

Bryan is challenging with HHH as guest referee. Cena is also sporting a massive growth on his elbow, which was leaving him desperately in need of surgery because it’s the size of a baseball. Bryan isn’t getting the superstar pops yet but he’s cheered more than Cena. We get the Big Match Intros and I had forgotten about Bryan’s THE BEARD IS HERE shirt. Cena grabs a headlock to start as they have a ton of time here.

Bryan rolls out with no trouble and it’s an early standoff. Back up and Cena tries a test of strength, which is blocked by a bridge. The YES Lock attempt sends Cena bailing to the floor and he tells the doctor that his arm is fine. Back in and Bryan takes him down into the surfboard knee stomp as Cena is in way over his head with the wrestling. Therefore, he runs Bryan over for a knock to the floor because power is his best bet. Cena follows him outside but gets sent into the steps, only to manage a suplex off the steps to put Bryan down again.

Back in and Cena whips him hard into the corner as Bryan has no answer for the power game just yet. A Batista Bomb gives Cena two and the chinlock goes on. Bryan fights up and forearms away, setting up some kicks in the corner to put Cena on defense again. The running clothesline drops Cena and you can feel the fans’ energy picking up. The YES Kicks connect but, as usual, the big one misses and Cena fires off the shoulders.

Cena takes too long with the Shuffle though and gets kicked in the head, only to come back with the ProtoBomb. Now the Shuffle connects but the AA doesn’t work just yet. Instead Bryan hits a missile dropkick for two as they’re going back and forth very well here. Over ten minutes in, Bryan finally goes after the BIG FREAKING BULGE on his arm to take over. Cena tries the STF but Bryan kicks away and grabs one of his own. The rope is grabbed so Bryan hits a pair of German suplexes for a pair of twos.

Now it’s off to the YES Lock but Cena slips out, earning himself a guillotine choke instead. That’s countered with a backdrop into the corner (cool) and they’re both down for a second. Cena grabs the AA out of nowhere for two and they’re down a bit longer. With nothing working, Cena goes up but Bryan catches him with the running forearms to stagger him. Bryan superplexes him down but hangs on to stay up top for a cool visual.

The Swan Dive connects for two so Cena runs him over with the clothesline for two of his own. Cole mentions that HHH is referee, marking the most significant HHH portion of the match over twenty minutes in. Cena’s super AA is blocked by elbows to the head but Cena blocks the super hurricanrana. That means jumping down and dropping Bryan on top of his head in a botch I had forgotten about so the cringing is strong. The STF goes on with Bryan rolling over to take off some of the pressure.

Bryan manages to reverse into the YES Lock until Cena makes the rope. The running corner dropkicks have Cena in more trouble so he comes out of the corner with the hard clothesline to turn Bryan inside out. The slugout it on until they both hit flying shoulders for another double knockdown. Bryan wins the next slugout but the moonsault out of the corner is caught on Cena’s shoulders. That’s countered into a DDT and they’re both down again. Bryan tries a high crossbody but gets caught in the AA. It’s reversed again and Bryan kicks him in the head, setting up the debuting running knee for the pin and the title at 26:54.

Rating: A+. I go back and forth on which of the two big matches I like more and this time around I liked the story that much more. Bryan debuting the running knee to win is still one of my favorite things in a long time as it came out of nowhere and makes the move look devastating right off the bat. They had a great battle of styles here with both guys sticking with their respective specialties until Bryan broke down the machine through heart and determination, plus some awesome strikes. I had a great time with this one and it was one of the best matches I’ve seen in a good while.

Post match Cena hands him the title and leaves, likely straight to the hospital to get that thing out of his arm. The confetti falls and pyro goes off….and here’s Randy Orton with the other Money in the Bank briefcase, because we needed two of them. Orton does the big staredown, teases leaving, turns back around…and HHH lays Bryan out with the Pedigree to turn full heel.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan

Bryan is defending as well as out so Orton wins the title in eight seconds. There’s your major story over the next eight months and yes I still believe that Bryan winning the title at Wrestlemania was the plan all along (details to be determined).

Overall Rating: A-. This is one of those shows where the good is excellent and the rest just exists. That being said, with the two awesome main events and a rather good Del Rio vs. Christian match, you have a seven match card (leaving out the cash-in match) with three of them receiving some rather high praise. That’s about as good as you can get and it’s one of the better shows in recent memory. Yeah the other four matches range from bad to rather bad, but their times combined are about equal to the main event. Excellent show and worth your time (as in less than three hours) to see.

Ratings Comparison

Rob Van Dam vs. Dean Ambrose

Original: B-
2014 Redo: B-
2017 Redo: D+

2019 Redo: B-

Bray Wyatt vs. Kane

Original: D+

2014 Redo: D

2017 Redo: F+

2019 Redo: F

Damien Sandow vs. Cody Rhodes

Original: C

2014 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: C+

2019 Redo: D

Alberto Del Rio vs. Christian

Original: B+

2014 Redo: B

2017 Redo: B

2019 Redo: B

Brie Bella vs. Natalya

Original: F

2014 Redo: D-

2017 Redo: D-

2019 Redo: D-

Brock Lesnar vs. CM Punk

Original: A+

2014 Redo: A+

2017 Redo: A+

2019 Redo: A

Big E. Langston/AJ Lee vs. Dolph Ziggler/AJ Lee

Original: C-

2014 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: D+

2019 Redo: D+

Daniel Bryan vs. John Cena

Original: A+

2014 Redo: A+

2017 Redo: A+

2019 Redo: A+

Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan

Original: N/A

2014 Redo: N/A

2017 Redo: N/A

2019 Redo: N/A

Overall Rating

Original: A-

2014 Redo: A

2017 Redo: A-

2019 Redo: A-

Was I in a really bad mood when I watched the Kickoff Show in 2017? And I’m all over the place with Cody vs. Sandow. Other than that, it’s pretty much the definitive set of ratings here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Summerslam 2013
Date: August 18, 2013
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 14,166
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

This is the show that was voted on for the annual redo and I can’t say I’m complaining. The show was instantly revered and it held up when I watched it the second time. We’ve got a double main event with Daniel Bryan challenging John Cena for the World Title and CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar in the Best vs. the Beast. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: US Title: Dean Ambrose vs. Rob Van Dam

Dean is defending and we still have the full Shield entrance (no Reigns/Rollins here) through the crowd, which is still just cool. A shoulder drops Rob to start and Dean grabs a hammerlock as it’s a slow pace early on. Rob clotheslines him into a headlock but charges into a boot to the face for two. A neckbreaker gives Dean the same and we hit the neck crank as we’re somehow four minutes into this.

Ambrose gets in a running dropkick and grabs a quickly broken chinlock. Rob kicks him down to set up the Five Star but Rollins and Reigns come through the crowd, rendering him completely incapable of jumping. Big Show and Mark Henry show up as well though, putting us all even as we as we take a break.

Back with Dean grabbing a chinlock and sending Rob outside. That means a staredown on the floor as Henry and Show earn those paychecks and DVD royalties. Rob drops Dean on the barricade and hits the spinning kick to the back. A rollup gives Rob two back inside but he walks into a good looking spinebuster for two. Dean misses a top rope elbow but Rob has to go after Rollins instead of Five Starring. Rolling Thunder crushes Dean and it’s Five Star time, only to have Reigns spear Rob down for the DQ at 13:38.

Rating: D+. This was a pretty sad way to start the show as you would expect a lot more from these two. Ambrose was a very natural arrogant heel but Rob was just going through the motions. It didn’t help that the big plot point, Show and Henry, did NOTHING here and Reigns interfered anyway. It’s never a good sign when you can completely take people out of a match and it changes nothing but that was the case here. Really disappointing outing.

And now on to the mai…..IT’S LESS THAN THREE HOURS!!! Oh sweet goodness happy days are here again!

Here’s the Miz, your host for the evening and still a face here, to open things up. He explains the two main events, just in case people stumbled in here expecting a free car wash. Fandango and Summer Rae (dang) cut him off and dance around him. Miz: “Really? Really?” Anyway, welcome to Summerslam.

The opening video talks about how the stars are out tonight and has a bit of a grainy look to it for a unique visual. As you might expect, the two main events receive most of the attention. Of note: the instrumental background music would become Akira Tozawa’s theme.

JoJo sings the National Anthem, which was a plot point on Total Divas because Total Divas is creatively bankrupt.

Kane vs. Bray Wyatt

This is a Ring of Fire match, meaning the ring is surrounded by fire like an inferno match but you win by regular means. It’s also Wyatt’s in-ring debut, which is kind of gobsmacking. Kane unloads on him in the corner to start as the arena is much darker than usual to show off the flames. A clothesline drops Wyatt and the flames go over the top rope.

Kane gets in a suplex for the same result as Luke Harper and Erick Rowan are panicking on the floor. The fact that they’re there more or less guarantees they find a way to interfere, thereby making the gimmick worthless. Wyatt hits a running splash in the corner and hammers away on the mat. A big boot to the…..arm maybe drops Wyatt and there’s the sidewalk slam for no cover.

Harper tries to grab a kendo stick but it gets caught on fire, sending an overzealous fireman to put it out. Rowan takes his extinguisher but can’t get rid of the flames. The chokeslam plants Wyatt for no cover as Kane would rather do it again, likely so Harper and Rowan can figure out a way inside. They find a fireproof….something and get inside for the big beatdown. Rowan splashes Kane and Sister Abigail gives Bray the pin at 7:48.

Rating: F+. This was WAY worse than I remember as it was literally just killing time until the ending. The ending was as telegraphed as it could have been and there was never any drama. Instead of actually having a match, this was a mental exercise for the Family and that’s REALLY not how you want to debut someone with the kind of potential Wyatt has.

Post match the Wyatts crush Kane with the steps and carry him off to film See No Evil 2.

The Kickoff Show panel wastes a minute of our time.

We see a Paul Heyman promo on the Kickoff Show, talking about how in reality, David would have thrown a stone at Goliath and then taken the beating of a lifetime. As a bonus, tonight’s match is No DQ.

Damien Sandow vs. Cody Rhodes

They used to be partners until Sandow won the Money in the Bank briefcase (it’s still the brown one which looks like a Hershey bar) in the surprise for the sake of swerving the fans who KNEW Cody was going to win (which he was). Before the match, Sandow says he was the leader of the Rhodes Scholars and tonight, he’s sending Cody back to the Rhodes Family so they can be dumb and dumber. Cole’s big plug for the entrances: watch the JBL and Cole Show to find out why Cody shaved his mustache!

They start fast with Sandow shoving him into the corner but getting backdropped. The gordbuster gives Cody two but a legsweep sends him outside. Back in and some knees to the back set up a bow and arrow hold. Sandow has to fight out of an early Cross Rhodes attempt and drops the Wind Up Elbow for two. I know Sandow has the charisma but dang it’s not working in the ring.

Sandow puts on a standing leglock for a few moment before switching to just rubbing Cody’s face in the mat. Cody catches him on the top though and it’s something like a Muscle Buster for two. A springboard missile dropkick gets two on Sandow but he comes right back with a running flip neckbreaker for the same. Cody nails the Disaster Kick for the near fall, followed by Cross Rhodes for the pin at 6:39.

Rating: C+. They were working hard out there and had a good match but it’s very clear that Sandow is in WAY over his head with the briefcase. I don’t think anyone really bought him as a main eventer at this point and his pretty worthless TNA run doesn’t exactly change the theory that it was the stunt double gimmick that was so good and not him.

Video on Christian, who is back for one more run at the World Title.

Smackdown World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. Christian

Christian is challenging. Del Rio has Lillian Garcia introduce him in Spanish, which isn’t quite a heel move in a major Hispanic market. Alberto grabs a headlock but gets slapped for his efforts, followed by the back of the neck snap across the top rope. That’s fine with him though as he puts Christian on the top for a heck of a running enziguri to put Christian in the Tree of Woe.

Del Rio starts in on the arm by sending it into the barricade and it’s off to an early armbar. A top rope double stomp to the shoulder makes it even worse, but not as bad as it would be with the top rope double stomp out of the Tree of Woe. The champ misses a charge though and crashes out to the floor to give Christian a breather. Back in and Del Rio dives into a raised boot, followed by a middle rope missile dropkick for no cover. The high crossbody gets two but Christian is holding the arm.

It’s too early for the Killswitch so Christian goes up, only to get pulled off the middle rope with a Backstabber in a cool spot. A middle rope backsplash doesn’t work for the champ but he’s still able to block the spear (which Christian should NEVER use) with a dropkick. Del Rio takes down his kneepad but gets rolled up for two more. Now the spear connects, only to have the shoulder give out. That means a cross armbreaker and Christian taps (rather surprising) at 12:30.

Rating: B. I had a lot more fun with this than I was expecting, which I think is what I said when I watched this the first time around too. Christian was a great choice for a challenger at this level as he’s going to have a good match no matter what. Unfortunately this was about it for him as he would only wrestle a few more matches in 2013, then come back for another short run to start the new year, ending with a concussion that caused his retirement. It’s a shame, but probably for the best as you don’t want to mess with that area.

Post match Del Rio says the Mexican people need an idol and his name is Alberto Del Rio.

Clips from Summerslam Axxess, which has never come close to matching the Wrestlemania version.

Miz (oh yeah he’s here) talks to Maria Menunos, who won in a tag match at Axxess. Fandango and Summer Rae dance in again but this time Miz and Maria show them up with some dancing of their own. Did you know Maria Menunos of some entertainment show is here? If you don’t, you will when this is all over that show.

Natalya vs. Brie Bella

No story of note here, but Cole introduces the two of them as “some of the stars of Total Divas”. Just in case you thought Summerslam was the point here. Naturally more cast members are at ringside and sweet goodness I forgot how annoying this era was for the women. Feeling out process to start as Natalya tries to do any kind of wrestling with Brie. They finally go with the slapping until Natalya sends her outside for a baseball slide. The JBL and MICHAEL COLE chants start up and there’s the JERRY chant to complete the trio.

Brie grabs a chinlock and the fans want tables. A jawbreaker gets Natalya out of trouble and she grabs the Sharpshooter until Brie slips out and sends her hard into the corner. We get the required catfight on the floor and it’s time for a Zack Ryder chant. The yet to be named BRIE MODE knee seems to wake Natalya up as it’s the Sharpshooter to make Brie tap at 5:18.

Rating: D-. The match could have been so much worse but the story, or lack thereof, had this thing doomed from the start. This was back at the start of the Total Divas era and fans hadn’t gotten sick of the show yet. They don’t get along on Total Divas for whatever nonsense reason the writers have come up with so here’s a short match between them. Not horrible but sweet goodness could we please get the tiniest bit of effort?

Earlier today, Ryback poured soup on a catering worker.

We recap CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar and I begin to smile. This is mainly about Punk vs. Paul Heyman, who had been Punk’s supporter for years. Then Punk started to change his attitude and told Heyman that he wanted to do this by himself. That wasn’t cool with Heyman, who cost him the Money in the Bank ladder match. Punk went after Heyman so Brock Lesnar returned to be Heyman’s muscle. The match was set with the great tagline “The Best vs. The Beast.” Do you need much more than that?

CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar

No DQ. I know I say this a lot but Brock Lesnar coming down the aisle is one of the scariest sights in wrestling. Punk charges right at him and gets driven into the corner for some shoulders. A hard whip sends Punk into a different corner as the fans are trying to stay behind him. Punk’s strikes have almost no effect (Punk not being able to strike with an MMA guy? I’m sure that won’t be an even bigger joke three years later.) and Brock easily stomps him down in the corner.

Punk gets in a kick to the jaw and a pair of running knees knock Lesnar outside for a suicide dive. That’s exactly the kind of hope spot that the fans needed to get back into this but Lesnar cuts them off by slamming the steps, which are in Punk’s hands, straight into Punk’s face. Punk http://onhealthy.net/product-category/mental-disorders/ posts him though and scores with the clothesline off the barricade, only to make the mistake of going after Heyman.

One heck of a toss sends Punk over the announcers’ table as there’s not much of a way around that kind of power. That’s not good enough though as Brock throws him over the other table, just so it won’t feel left out. Lesnar jumps into a stomp onto a piece of the table onto Punk before sending him flying off a belly to belly (leaving a big sweat stain on the floor).

Back in and Lesnar fires off more shoulders to the ribs and we hit the bearhug. An elbow to the nose staggers Brock for a bit but he knees Punk hard in the ribs to put him down again. It’s back to the bearhug as they’re doing a good job with cutting off the hope spots. Punk kicks away but dives right into a fall away slam to cut him off again. A chinlock lasts for a little while until Punk fights up and bites the ear to escape.

Punk FINALLY drops him with a series of kicks and the running knee in the corner makes it even worse. Lesnar catches a running knee but Punk escapes and high kicks him down, setting up the Macho Elbow (looked awful, almost more like a sideways splash) for a pretty hot two. Neither finisher can connect so Punk kicks him in the head again and Brock goes down from a single shot. You don’t see that every day.

The GTS is countered into the Kimura but that’s reversed into a cross armbreaker and then a triangle choke. A powerbomb doesn’t break the hold so Brock lifts him up again, shrugs off the elbows to the head and PLANTS Punk with a running powerbomb. The fans are INSANE for Punk but Brock cuts them off with the most vicious Three Amigos you’ll ever see. Brock very slowly heads outside to grab a chair so Punk dives onto him, only to land on the chair, which lands on Lesnar to put both of them down.

It’s Punk up first with the chair though and he wears Brock out….until Lesnar just takes it away from him. That’s fine with Punk as a low blow gets him out of trouble (Punk: “WHERE’S YOUR CUP NOW UFC BOY???”) and freaks Heyman out all over again. Punk takes the chair up top and drops something like a Macho Elbow for two more. A few more chair shots have Lesnar in trouble until Heyman takes it away.

Punk grabs Heyman’s tie to block the F5 (smart) and it’s the GTS but Heyman makes the save for the false finish of the year. Reality sets in on Heyman (as only it can) and he realizes there’s no Brock to save him. Punk gives chase but runs into the F5, which he counters into a tornado DDT for two more. The Anaconda Vice goes on but Punk lets it go to cut Heyman off. A big right hand drops Paul, only to have Lesnar BLAST Punk with the chair. The F5 onto the chair finally ends Punk at 25:18.

Rating: A+. I gave this Match of the Year and I’m certainly not changing that now. This was a total war with Punk shocking the heck out of me by taking Lesnar to the limit. If nothing else, this is the textbook example of how to book Lesnar vs. a smaller guy. You even have Punk saving some face by having Heyman interfere so often. It’s an outstanding match and easily holds up four years later.

As I mentioned a few times, Punk was giving the fans just enough hope spots to keep things going. No one was going to buy Punk hanging in a fist fight with him (nor should they have bought it with HHH but that’s a long issue for another time) but they could buy him getting in a few shots here and there and giving it all he had. That’s wrestling storytelling in a nutshell and it was as entertaining as it could have been. If not for Punk vs. Cena in 2011, this would be Punk’s WWE masterpiece.

Punk pulls himself up and gets the hero’s ovation. It’s a shame that he would be gone in four months.

A fan agreed to trade tickets to a house show for three tickets to Summerslam and Summerslam Axxess if he took a splash from Mark Henry. Oh and he gets to sit ringside (meaning in front of the announcers’ tables for the next match). Well gee I wonder if that’s a hard decision.

Big E. Langston/AJ Lee vs. Dolph Ziggler/Kaitlyn

Former partners/couple who split up and absolutely no one is interested here. The guys start things off and it’s an early belly to belly to drop Ziggler. We hit an early abdominal stretch with a stomach claw thrown in as a bonus. Ziggler comes back with a dropkick and the too early to be a hot tag brings in the women. AJ spin kicks Kaitlyn down for two and it’s off to a cravate.

Back to back neckbreakers give AJ….an opportunity to dance around the ring, allowing Kaitlyn to kick her away. The hot tag brings in Dolph for another dropkick and his jumping elbows. Big E. is right back up with a powerbomb backbreaker for two with Kaitlyn making a save. A charge hits post though and Kaitlyn spears AJ in half on the floor. The Big Ending is countered and the Zig Zag gives Dolph the pin at 6:42.

Rating: D+. They didn’t have time to do much here and were in the death spot, which doesn’t work very well when they’re doing a TV match. It’s not terrible or anything and Kaitlyn spearing AJ is always entertaining. They were still getting ready to launch the Women’s Revolution down in NXT so this was about as good as you were going to get from the women at this point. Big E. vs. Ziggler kept going for a good while but never went anywhere, which is why New Day was the best thing that could have happened to Langston.

Fandango interrupts Miz again and finally gets punched out.

The Kickoff Show panel goes over their main event picks and talk about some of the show.

We recap John Cena vs. Daniel Bryan. Daniel had been on the roll of a lifetime and Cena was allowed to pick his challenger for Summerslam. Cena selected Daniel Bryan but Vince McMahon was suddenly against Bryan as the top star. It was clearly Bryan vs. the establishment and as a bonus, HHH will be guest referee for the title match. I’m sure nothing will come of it.

Bryan vs. Cena was built up as a big fight as well with Bryan calling Cena a phony who wasn’t here for the wrestling. Cena said he’s had his share of great matches but he’s had them while holding the WWE World Title. Bryan is the best competition around but the best isn’t going to be good enough.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Daniel Bryan

Bryan is challenging, Cena has a baseball sized amount of fluid in his elbow which is going to force him to leave almost immediately after this show, and HHH is guest referee. Cena headlocks him to the mat to start but Bryan armdrags him off. The test of strength drives Bryan down again but Cena can’t break his bridge in an impressive (and surprising) power display. The threat of a YES Lock sends Cena bailing out to the floor and we take a breather.

Back in and Bryan easily takes him down for a surfboard, only to have Cena kick him away without much effort. Cena kicks him into the steps and suplexes him off the steps for good measure. If quiets the YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chants for a few seconds but they’re quickly replaced by the YOU STILL SUCK chants. At least they’re consistent in their hatred. Back in and Cena powers him away again before countering a hurricanrana attempt with a sitout powerbomb.

We hit the chinlock for a bit until Cena powers up and fires off some kicks in the corner. Cena fights up again and tries the finishing sequence, only to have the Shuffle broken up with a kick to the face. The second attempt works a bit better though and is good for two but Bryan kicks him in the eye again. Cena is starting to sport a black eye but Bryan wisely starts going after the arm. A quick STF attempt is countered into an STF from Bryan but Cena makes the ropes.

The AA is countered straight into the YES Lock and Cena is in trouble. He powers out again so Bryan slaps on a guillotine as Cena just can’t shake him off for good. The hold is finally broken and Bryan is a bit surprised, allowing Cena to grab a quick AA for two. Cena heads up but Bryan is right there again with a superplex. Bryan hangs on and pulls himself back up for the Swan Dive and a very near fall.

The suicide dive is blocked with a hard forearm and now the top rope Fameasser is good for two. With a one and one record up top, Cena tries it again, this time loading Bryan up for a super AA. Bryan tries a super hurricanrana to counter but Cena counters into what looked like an attempt at a Styles Clash, only to drop Bryan SQUARE ON HIS HEAD with a scary sounding thud.

The STF goes on but breaks down a bit with Cena winding up on his side, allowing Bryan to flip over into the YES Lock. Cena makes the rope again so Bryan goes back to the strikes with the running corner dropkicks. That’s fine with Cena, who turns Bryan inside out with the hard clothesline. NOW the fans are into both guys and there’s no reason for them to not be.

They slug it out until a double clothesline puts both guys down for another breather. Cena slaps Bryan hard in the face so Bryan does the same right back but Cena powers him up for the AA. That’s countered into a hard DDT though and Cena is in trouble again. One heck of a kick to the head drops Cena and Bryan debuts the running knee for the pin and the title in a shocking finish at 26:55.

Rating: A+. Yeah this worked too. The fact that Bryan pinned him clean was the completely correct call as the win is what matters, not the title itself. Bryan looks like the biggest star in the world now and this is confirmation that WWE sees him as a top name. The fact that it was an outstanding match helps things even better, but that ending is still perfect. Bryan beat Cena down and then hit a finisher to pin him. What else could he possibly ask for? Well, save for what came at Wrestlemania of course but sweet goodness this was outstanding stuff.

Cena stares Bryan down but shakes his hand. Pyro and confetti go off….and here’s Mr. Money in the Bank Randy Orton. Randy holds up the case at ringside so Bryan says bring it. Orton turns around and walks away, leaving HHH (who called the match right down the line and was a complete non-factor) to turn on Bryan and lay him out with the Pedigree.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan

Faster than I can type Orton is challenging (ok not really), he wins the title at 8 seconds.

The crowd is eerily quiet as HHH hands Orton the title to end the show.

Overall Rating: A-. Everything that needed to be great was WAY beyond great and everything else was as forgettable (and thankfully short) as it needed to be. The whole thing that matters here are two matches combining for over fifty minutes (remember that it’s less than three hours long) and they’re both instant Match of the Year candidates. This show is an absolute classic and well worth checking out for the last great pre-Network shows.

Ratings Comparison

Rob Van Dam vs. Dean Ambrose

Original: B-

2014 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: D+

Bray Wyatt vs. Kane

Original: D+

2014 Redo: D

2017 Redo: F+

Damien Sandow vs. Cody Rhodes

Original: C

2014 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: C+

Alberto Del Rio vs. Christian

Original: B+

2014 Redo: B

2017 Redo: B

Brie Bella vs. Natalya

Original: F

2014 Redo: D-

2017 Redo: D-

Brock Lesnar vs. CM Punk

Original: A+

2014 Redo: A+

2017 Redo: A+

Big E. Langston/AJ Lee vs. Dolph Ziggler/AJ Lee

Original: C-

2014 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: D+

Daniel Bryan vs. John Cena

Original: A+

2014 Redo: A+

2017 Redo: A+

Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan

Original: N/A

2014 Redo: N/A

2017 Redo: N/A

Overall Rating

Original: A-

2014 Redo: A

2017 Redo: A-

What is up with that opener? I really liked it that much earlier on?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/08/18/summerslam-2013-a-star-is-born/

And the 2014 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/08/16/summerslam-count-up-2013-2014-redo-what-a-difference-a-year-makes/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/07/21/new-e-bookpaperback-kbs-complete-monday-night-raw-2002-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6