Wrestlemania XV
Date: March 28, 1999
Location: First Union Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 20,276
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Outside of the main event, we have the stable war (a Russo staple) between McMahon’s Corporation and the Undertaker’s Ministry of Darkness. The big match in the feud here is a Hell in a Cell match between Undertaker and Big Boss Man which is going to be even worse than it sounds. Let’s get to it.

The pre-show will be replaced by Sunday Night Heat, the regular Sunday night show, for the next several years.

Sunday Night Heat: Ivory vs. Jacqueline

Ivory is a manager who could wrestle as well and Jacqueline is a member of the Pretty Mean Sisters. There’s no subtlety here: Ivory is wrestling in a bikini. Fellow PMS member Terri Runnels (formerly known as Marlena) sits in on commentary to rip on Ivory’s attire. Jacqueline jumps her to start but Ivory knocks her into the corner, only to have Jacqueline complain of a thumb to the eye. A belly to back suplex gives Jacqueline the pin out of nowhere at 1:24. That sounds like an injury stoppage.

Terri puts her cigar out in Ivory’s face post match.

Sunday Night Heat: Battle Royal

Bradshaw, Faarooq, Droz, Godfather, Steve Blackman, Brian Christopher, Scott Taylor, Test, Hawk, Animal, 8-Ball, Skull, Gillberg, D’Lo Brown, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Mideon, Tiger Ali Singh, Viscera, Rocco Rock, Johnny Grunge

Most of the names you might not recognize here aren’t important enough to identify. The idea here is that the final two men in the match will receive a Tag Team Title shot during the pay per view. That’s how bad the division is at this point: they can’t even have a regular team challenge for the belts, even when there are multiple regular teams in this match. Tag Team Champions Owen Hart and Jeff Jarrett sit in on commentary.

Everyone goes after Rock and Grunge (a famous ECW tag team known as Public Enemy and therefore the crowd favorites) and put them out in about five seconds. A group of people get rid of Viscera (the giant formerly known as Mabel) but he pulls Gillberg out to make himself feel better. Animal, Skull and 8-Ball are put out and Hawk (with a full head of hair) goes out as well. Taylor is eliminated as Owen and Jarrett actually play some favorites for a change.

Singh eliminates Faarooq in a big upset, only to be thrown out a few seconds later. Both Hardys (they don’t mean much yet) follow him out and Mideon (formerly Phineas Godwinn, now part of the Ministry) is out a few seconds later. There goes Christopher and there’s nothing going on between these eliminations. Blackman and Bradshaw go out together, leaving us with Godfather, Droz, Test and Brown. Droz and Godfather go out together as well, leaving Test and Brown as the winners at 4:16.

Rating: F. A twenty one man battle royal that doesn’t even make four and a half minutes? Normally I would be thrilled but this was so fast paced that it was barely even a match. Test and Brown winning shows the booking style of Russo very well as they have no connection to each other and now they’re the #1 contenders to the Tag Team Titles on the biggest show of the year.

Boyz II Men sing America the Beautiful.

The opening video is narrated by the legendary Freddie Blassie and talks about how these men will be legends like the gods of ancient Greece and cause a variety of emotions but they’ll never let us forget them. Tonight is their night. Welcome to Wrestlemania: the showcase of the immortals. Outstanding.

The set is unique this year as it’s the Wrestlemania logo (the word Wrestle over the word Mania with XV behind it) and nothing else.

Hardcore Title: Al Snow vs. Hardcore Holly vs. Billy Gunn

So here’s another brilliant Russo idea. For weeks leading up to this, Gunn’s partner Road Dogg had been in a three way feud for the Hardcore Title with Snow (a crazy man who happens to be a great technical wrestler) and Holly (formerly Bob). At the same time, Gunn was in a four way feud for the Intercontinental Title which we’ll get to later.

Then the decision was made to swap Dogg into the Intercontinental Title feud and Gunn into the Hardcore Title feud (with Gunn winning the title and defending here), thereby giving the champions no reason to feud with their challengers and taking away the logical payoffs. Welcome to Wrestlemania XV and it’s downhill from here.

It’s a brawl to start (as it should be in this match) and they all head to the floor. Snow sends Gunn knees first into the steps for a great flipping crash, leaving the real hardcore guys to fight up the aisle. Gunn is back up to stomp both guys down but Snow comes back with a hockey stick (fans: “LET’S GO FLYERS!”). They head inside again and Snow starts channeling Steve Blackman’s martial arts demonstrations by swinging around a piece of a broken broom.

Snow uses a chair as a launch pad to slam into Gunn, drawing an ECW chant in the process. Now it’s time for Snow to clean house with Head (a mannequin head that talked to him. Just go with it and move along.) and here’s a table in the corner. The champ gets back up and throws Al through the table (wrestling law #3: if you set up a table, you’re going through it.). The Fameasser takes Snow down again but Holly hits Billy in the back with a chair and steals the pin and the title at 7:07.

Rating: D. Just as I said: there’s no reason for this match to be happening and Gunn was out of his element. Dogg, Holly and Snow had built up a fun feud over the Hardcore Title with creative spots and weapons, but Gunn was just a guy hitting people with stuff and then doing his regular moves. It took away the logical payoff for the sake of surprise and that’s rarely a good thing with this match as an example.

Merchandise plug.

Tag Team Titles: D’Lo Brown/Test vs. Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett

Brown (with Ivory, sporting a bandage from the cigar attack on Heat) and Test (part of the Corporation) are challenging of course. Debra has Lawler and Cole drooling in a bikini and sport coat. It’s a mess to start until Brown runs Jeff over a few times. Test and Owen are quickly in with Brown having to break up the Sharpshooter attempt.

That ticks Test off for some reason so D’Lo comes in, only to eat a spinwheel kick from Owen. Test: “OPEN YOUR EYES!” Brown comes back with a double clothesline and a short powerbomb (not quite the Low Down) for two on Jeff. Everything breaks down and the girls start fighting, allowing Owen to sneak in with a missile dropkick to pin Brown at 3:58.

Rating: C-. This actually wasn’t bad but again: what was the point? This is Wrestlemania, not some house show that no one is going to see. Brown and Test never had any major interactions after this, making this even more worthless. Owen and Jarrett were a decent enough team but they desperately needed opponents. Like say Mideon/Viscera, the Acolytes, the Hardy Boyz, Too Cool etc. As in the other teams in the battle royal but why do that when you can have a random team that makes no sense?

We recap Butterbean vs. Bart Gunn in a Brawl For All match. So back in 1998, the WWF lost its mind and decided to have a shoot toughman competition which was designed to be won by Dr. Death Steve Williams, a legitimate brawler and the Brock Lesnar of the 1980s. However, Bart Gunn shocked the world (or no one who knew his background as a toughman fighter but why pay attention to something like that) and won the thing.

That’s not what the company wanted though, so they put him on the shelf for a few months and gave us this as a payoff. Keep in mind that several competitors were injured during the tournament and missed significant time, including some people who never appeared for the company again. Butterbean is a legitimate professional boxer who weighs about 400lbs and this is a shoot fight. It’s billed as a Brawl For All which had an overly complicated points system but I don’t think it’s going to matter.

Butterbean vs. Bart Gunn

Professional boxer Vinny Pazienza is guest referee. Boxing trainer Kevin Rooney, former boxer Chuck Wepner (the inspiration for Rocky Balboa) and Gorilla Monsoon (very sick here and a few months away from death) are the guest judges. Butterbean caves Bart’s face in before Lawler can make his prediction but Bart gets up….only to take one of the best looking right hands to the face that you’ll ever see. Bart is out before he crashes onto the ropes and then the mat to end this at 37 seconds. Again: shoot match against a professional, making this the biggest waste of a potential payoff.

Since this took about two minutes all together, the San Diego Chicken (sports mascot) shows up to annoy Pazienza, who knocks him out with one punch.

Mankind and “The Big Show” Paul Wight brawled on Heat earlier tonight.

Mankind promises to beat up Big Show again.

Paul Wight vs. Mankind

The winner is guest referee in the main event and Mankind comes out in a white shirt with referee stripes spray painted on. There’s actually a backstory here as Show, a Corporation member, chokeslammed Mankind to cost him the WWF World Title last month. Mankind goes right after him to start and is quickly sent to the floor. That’s fine with Mankind though as he sends Big Show head first into the steps, only to be rammed into them a few seconds later.

Back in and it’s time for the giant to slowly hammer away but the Mandible Claw (with Mr. Socko) puts him in trouble. A low blow puts Show on his knees but the Claw can’t get him down. He even stands up and falls backwards onto Mankind, crushing his ribs in a sick looking landing. Show grabs some chairs to drive into Mankind’s ribs before setting them up in the middle of the ring. A big chokeslam puts Mankind through both chairs and that’s a DQ (FINALLY) at 6:48.

Rating: D. Again this felt like a lame Raw main event instead of what should have been a big Wrestlemania match. Also, you might expect a match with a former World Champion and a monster who had been involved in the World Title scene just a few weeks ago might break eight minutes but it really didn’t get close. Only in 1999, because no one else would think this was a smart idea.

Mankind is now guest referee so Vince comes out, for some reason on a very quiet wireless microphone. He yells at Show for screwing up the plan and almost gets chokeslammed. Always one to push his luck, Vince slaps him in the face and gets punched in the jaw. Again, this really does feel like a Raw segment. Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco (Vince’s goons) come out to carry Vince to the back as Mankind is stretchered out. Will he be able to referee tonight? STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT, because they’re doing an angle that will be paid off in less than two hours.

Once in the back, Vince wants Show arrested for assault in ANOTHER angle on this show.

Intercontinental Title: Road Dogg vs. Ken Shamrock vs. Goldust vs. Val Venis

Here’s the other half of the midcard title swap. So Shamrock has a good looking sister named Ryan, who Billy Gunn hit on. That ticked Ken off so he beat Gunn up and feuded with him over Shamrock’s Intercontinental Title. Venis then won both Ryan and the title with Gunn acting as guest referee (another Russo trope) and counting the pin.

Then Venis dumped Ryan so she hooked up with Goldust. Road Dogg won the Intercontinental Title from Venis and took Billy’s place in the announced four way elimination title match at Wrestlemania. So Shamrock wants to beat up Venis and Goldust for going after his sister, Goldust wants the title, Venis has been fighting all of them and wants his title back and Road Dogg is defending. Oh and Goldust’s other lackey the Blue Meanie (comedy goof) is jealous of Goldust for giving Ryan so much attention. Got all that?

Shamrock whips Dogg around the ring to start but the champ dropkicks him in the face and tags in Goldust, who gets to face Venis. The announcers talk about the fake tournament for the first Intercontinental Title as Venis flips out of the Curtain Call (Goldust needs to find a new finisher already), only to get dropped again. Meanie yells at Ryan as Venis gets two off a top rope bulldog and a fisherman’s suplex.

Venis falls head first into a low blow but Dogg comes in with a DDT to Val for no apparent reason. It’s off to Dogg legally for the Shake Rattle and Roll (some dancing punches, not the neckbreaker) to Val. He celebrates a bit too much though and gets suplexed down for two. That earns Venis an ankle lock from Shamrock but Val holds on for a LONG time and eventually sends Shamrock outside.

Ryan yells at her brother until Venis goes outside for a brawl and a double countout. Ken comes back in and suplexes Dogg and Goldust to leave both guys laying. This gives me a chance to point out how stupid this is considering they have no issues, making this yet another bad decision. Back up and Ryan trips Goldust by mistake (allegedly, as Dogg was nowhere near Goldust), allowing Dogg to roll through a powerslam attempt for the pin to retain at 9:54.

Rating: D+. The match was ok enough but the stories are such a mess/non-existent that I spent most of the time trying to figure out if I liked this or not. The match wouldn’t have been much better if they hadn’t swapped the Outlaws but at least it would have made sense. Oh and to make it better: Goldust beat Dogg for the title the next night on Raw because that show is more important than this one.

Goldust rips into Ryan post match.

Big Show is arrested.

We recap HHH vs. Kane. Chyna had turned on the now good DX to hook up with Kane but Kane accidentally hit her with a fireball. HHH stood up for Chyna by dressing up like Goldust and using a freaking flamethrower to burn Kane, causing flashbacks to the fire that burned Kane as a child. You might think they’re overdoing it here, but this is tame compared to what’s coming.

HHH vs. Kane

Before the match, the San Diego Chicken attacks Kane. This goes badly, because it’s PETE ROSE again, who takes his second Tombstone in two years. HHH is smart enough to sneak in through the crowd to low blow Kane and we start fast. They did a good job of covering it up too as HHH’s pyro equipment was in the ring. That’s a nice little touch that you wouldn’t get today.

They head outside and Kane clotheslines the post by mistake, followed by a whip into the steps. Back in and Kane boots HHH in the face before throwing him out to the floor. Cole: “Like a sack of potatoes.” Lawler: “I don’t think you can throw a sack of potatoes that far.” So HHH is easier to throw than a sack of potatoes?

HHH’s back is rammed into the post a few times and Kane slows things down to his normal pace. A legdrop (called a foot across the sternum by Cole) looks to set up the top rope clothesline but HHH pulls him down out of desperation. The jumping knee to the face drops Kane (he’s softened up a lot in the last year) and here’s Chyna.

The Pedigree is countered and both guys are down so Chyna slides the stairs into the ring. Kane picks them up but HHH kicks them into his face and drop toeholds Kane face first into the steel. HHH can’t hit the Pedigree onto the steps and Kane plants him with the chokeslam. Chyna gets on the apron with a chair though….and hits Kane for the DQ to rejoin HHH at 11:33.

Rating: C. Not a bad match here and probably the best the two of them have ever had, which isn’t the biggest bar to reach. It’s really weird to see Kane fall this far in just a year but at least the HHH and Chyna reunion was a cool moment. You would have expected some fire to be involved here but it’s very refreshing to just have a match instead.

HHH lays Kane out with the chair and a Pedigree post match before officially reuniting with Chyna to a big pop.

Vince says he’ll referee the main event.

Women’s Title: Sable vs. Tori

Sable, now a heel after basically having gone Hollywood, is defending. Tori (not Torrie Wilson) was a crazed fan who wound up getting a title shot because this division was weaker than the tag teams. For reasons that aren’t clear, Tori is in a Giant Gonzalez style body suit, minus the fur at least. Sable won’t let her get in to start so Tori pulls her to the floor and sends the champ into the apron.

A cross body off the apron mostly misses as Lawler wants to see Sable’s grind dance. He gets his wish but Tori clotheslines her down and hits some of the worst forearms I’ve seen in years. Tori only mostly screws up a sunset flip out of the corner for two. The referee gets bumped which is probably much better than trying to have a regular match here. Cue a monster named Nicole Bass to lay out Tori with a gorilla press, followed by the Sable Bomb to retain the title at 5:01.

Rating: F. There’s no way around this one as neither of them had any business being in there and it showed badly. Sable turning heel was a horrible idea as she fell down the card and was gone in just a few months due to a lot of backstage issues. Tori found her calling as a valet who thankfully almost never wrestled and after this disaster I couldn’t be more thankful. Bass never did anything other than lame comedy.

Video on Shane McMahon with the Mean Street Posse (Shane’s goofy friends) talking about how tough Shane was growing up in Greenwich, Connecticut. This was actually funny.

DX says they’re reunited and X-Pac (formerly the 1-2-3 Kid) is getting the European Title back. Shane McMahon (Vince’s incredibly athletic son) started going after X-Pac and eventually stole the title from him in a tag match. This is the one on one rematch.

European Title: X-Pac vs. Shane McMahon

Shane is defending and has Test in his corner. Patterson and Brisco fail at attacking X-Pac during the entrances so Shane has to run. He celebrates over a leapfrog, earning him a kick to the face. Test saves Shane from the Bronco Buster and crotches X-Pac against the post as the Mean Street Posse watch from the front row. Back in and Shane hammers away but misses a Corporate Elbow.

Instead he whips X-Pac with a belt until a backdrop puts the champ on the floor. The Posse saves Shane but he gets crotched on the top rope, setting up a superplex for two. Shane distracts the referee in the corner so Test can take X-Pac’s head off with the European Title for a very close near fall. Now it’s Shane missing a Bronco Buster, drawing in Test for another save. Cue HHH and Chyna to even things up….before turning on X-Pac with a Pedigree, allowing Shane to retain at 8:43.

Rating: C-. This is a bit higher as Shane isn’t a wrestler. He’s still a very glorified rookie at this point and his athleticism was very impressive considering he was only wrestling on occasion. That being said, the story was just so stupid as Chyna turned face just half an hour ago, making the whole thing a total mess entirely designed around shock value instead of anything that made sense. On top of that Shane keeps the title, which he would vacate a week later. Therefore, X-Pac loses twice, doesn’t get his revenge, and gets laid out while a non-wrestler gets away with everything after everyone is confused by all the turns. Again: Russo.

Post match the Outlaws make the save until Kane comes out to chase HHH off. The Outlaws shout to Lawler that HHH is done. He would be done with the midcard at least as he would win his first WWF World Title in August.

We recap the Big Boss Man vs. Undertaker, which is just a side story of Undertaker vs. Vince McMahon. Undertaker has gone insane and has been stalking Vince’s family, even stealing a bear from Vince’s house (later revealed to belong to his daughter Stephanie, who hadn’t debuted yet) and lighting it on fire. This was part of a MUCH bigger conspiracy that involved secret deals, hidden alliances, Vince being an even bigger psycho than anyone ever knew, and so many plot holes that it was even harder to keep track of than anything else on this show. As for tonight though, Vince is throwing in the Boss Man to take care of Undertaker.

Undertaker vs. Big Boss Man

Hell in a Cell. To give you an idea of where Undertaker is right now, here are some of the spoken words during his theme song: “Accept the lord of darkness as your savior. Allow the purity of evil to guide you.” Boss Man pounds away in the corner to start but Undertaker does the same to take over. Various shots put Undertaker down but he keeps sitting up. A double leg trip (in the Cell mind you) puts Boss Man on the floor and Undertaker rams him into the Cell a few times.

Boss Man pulls out some handcuffs to attach Undertaker to the Cell wall. Some nightstick shots break the cuffs though, making the whole thing a waste of time, like so many other things on this show. Undertaker is busted open but comes right back with chair shots to take over, busting Boss Man open in the process. Back in and Undertaker keeps up the offense as we’re waiting on the inevitable. Old School is broken up and Boss Man gets in a few shots, only to walk into the Tombstone for the pin at 9:49.

Rating: F. The sign of a bad gimmick match is when you could do the exact same match without the gimmick being involved. There’s no reason for this to be the Cell as it could have easily been done in a regular cage match instead. It didn’t help that the ending was obvious from the second the match was announced. In addition to the Boss Man being little more than a workout for Undertaker, they had already made it clear that this story was nowhere near being over, which isn’t the spot for a Cell match. Finally, a Cell match that doesn’t break ten minutes? That’s not acceptable.

Post match the Brood (Edge, Christian and Gangrel, a mini stable in the Undertaker’s Ministry of Darkness) drops from the ceiling onto the roof of the Cell so they can slip the Undertaker a noose. Undertaker wraps it around Boss Man’s neck and the Cell raises up to hang Boss Man in the middle of the arena.

As Undertaker’s music is playing: Cole: “It’s been a heck of a week in Philadelphia for Wrestlemania!”, and we go to a package on the Wrestlemania Rage Party. A MAN WAS JUST HUNG IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING AND IS STILL ON THE VERGE OF DYING. WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT A WRESTLEMANIA PARTY???

Jim Ross makes his return from a bout of Bell’s Palsy to announce the main event. Ross tips his hat to Cole in a nice gesture.

Vince is guest referee, but Commissioner Shawn Michaels makes a surprise appearance with referee Mike Chioda. After complaining that he had to buy a ticket to get in, Shawn tells Vince that he has to pay attention to the rulebook. The rules clearly state that only one person can appoint a referee at Wrestlemania, and I think you can guess who that is. On top of that, the Corporation is barred from ringside and if Shawn sees any of them out here, he and Vince can have a fight of their own out back. This is another angle made and written off in less than two hours.

There’s no recap for Austin vs. Rock but it’s a simple story. Rock won the WWF World Title at Survivor Series 1998 by reaffirming his heel status (he had started turning good after Summerslam but never fully switched) as he was revealed as Vince’s corporate champion. Vince won the 1999 Royal Rumble but Austin wound up with the title shot when Vince forfeited the chance. As mentioned, this is really just the latest man that Vince is throwing at Austin as part of the real feud.

That’s what gave Vince vs. Austin such longevity: Austin could keep fighting fresh opponents because they were always Vince’s latest handpicked man. Instead of fighting one man, Austin was fighting a movement. This gave it the chance to go on far longer than a one on one feud and that’s exactly what Austin vs. Vince did.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Steve Austin

No DQ, Rock is defending and Austin comes out in a shirt due to forgetting his vest at home. This is also the Wrestlemania debut of the WWF World Title belt that debuted the night after Wrestlemania XIV. They immediately brawl to the floor to start and go into the crowd for the main event style brawl. No one can get an advantage so they fight up the aisle with Rock backdropping him knee first onto an electric light, only to be sent into the big Wrestlemania logo, making it sway in a bit of a scary moment.

The champ takes over again and spits water in Austin’s face, only to have Austin put him on the Spanish announcers’ table for an elbow. The table doesn’t break so Austin does it again to get the job done. That’s just the kind of guy he is. Now it’s Austin spitting water in Rock’s face and whipping him into the steps before they go inside for the first time in nearly ten minutes. A Rock Bottom out of nowhere gets two so it’s time for a chair.

As you might expect, the referee takes the hit instead, because this match has been entirely by the book until now. Rock uses the chair to stay on Austin’s knee and a big shot to the head gets two from a second referee. We hit the chinlock and see a replay showing Rock pulling the referee in front of the chair shot earlier on. Rock gets frustrated by a near fall so he Rock Bottoms the referee, only to walk into a Stunner for two from the third referee.

This brings out Vince for a distraction so Rock can hit a low blow. Vince punches out the referee and helps double team Austin until Mick Foley hobbles to the ring to be the fourth referee. The Thesz press takes Rock down but there’s another Rock Bottom. Rock misses the Corporate Elbow and the Stunner gives Austin the title back at 16:52. Vince looking like he’s about to cry is great.

Rating: B. It may not be the highest quality and it was more overbooked than it needed to be but it was certainly entertaining and the right kind of brawl these two needed to have. Austin winning is obvious (sign in the crowd for a lot of the match: “I bet Austin wins.”) and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s still good stuff and a very appropriate style brawl for this era. This would be forgotten later though due to their future Wrestlemania epics but this is quite good on its own.

A lot of beer is consumed, including some by Earl Hebner. JR: “He’s toasting a man who works for a living.” Vince swears at Austin and gets punched in the jaw. One more Stunner ends the show. It wouldn’t have felt right without it.

Highlight package takes us out.

Overall Rating: D. Oh this does not hold up well. Aside from the good main event, there is just WAY too much going on here with the show feeling more like Raw than a pay per view. They were booking angles that started and ended later in the show, despite the people having already paid for the show in the first place. This is definitely a show that worked better live with all the twists and turns but those really don’t hold up when you have time to look at them.

The biggest problem though is that aside from the main event, nothing feels important. You have the Tag Team Titles thrown together, the non-wrestler retaining the European Title, the midcard title merry go round and Chyna turning twice in half an hour. That’s certainly a lot of stuff happening, but how much of it is stuff that I actually want to see?

Above all else, the show moves too fast. Of the ten matches, only the main event and HHH vs. Kane break ten minutes. Nothing has a chance to sink in and that takes away a lot of the impact these matches and segments could have. Consider HHH reuniting with Chyna. Yeah it was a cool moment when it happened (albeit two months after they split in the first place) but they both turned half an hour later. How can I let either of them sink in when they happen so close together? If nothing else, it makes me wonder what they’re going to do next instead of thinking it’s over and the big finale for them on that night.

Overall, the problem here is one we’ve encountered before: it doesn’t feel like a Wrestlemania. Other than the main event, nothing feels important. Almost all of this stuff could have happened on any given episode of Raw and that’s just not right. It’s not a good Wrestlemania but there are worse ones out there. Not many of them of course but they do exist. Slow it down and give us some more important matches and the show improves a lot, but that’s a standard criticism of this era.

Ratings Comparison

Hardcore Holly vs. Billy Gunn vs. Al Snow

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D

D’Lo Brown/Test vs. Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett

Original: F+

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: C-

Butterbean vs. Bart Gunn

Original: F

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Mankind vs. Big Show

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Ken Shamrock vs. Road Dogg vs. Goldust vs. Val Venis

Original: D

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: D+

Kane vs. HHH

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: C

Tori vs. Sable

Original: F

2013 Redo: F

2015 Redo: F

X-Pac vs. Shane McMahon

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: C-

Undertaker vs. Big Boss Man

Original: H (For holy goodness why was this a Cell match?)

2013 Redo: F

2015 Redo: F

Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Individual ratings aside, it still sucks.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/22/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-15-this-is-the-best-they-can-do/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/24/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xv-russo-at-his-best/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XIII
Date: March 23, 1997
Location: Rosemont Horizon, Rosemont, Illinois
Attendance: 18,197
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

The advertised main event this year is the Undertaker challenging Sid for the WWF World Title. This isn’t the biggest match in the world but then again this isn’t the biggest Wrestlemania in the world. That’s the underlying problem with this show: it feels like any other show instead of the biggest night of the year. This was a strange period where Wrestlemania wasn’t being treated as the company’s grand showcase but that would change soon enough. Let’s get to it.

Free For All: Billy Gunn vs. Flash Funk

Funk is better known as 2 Cold Scorpio and is a very skilled high flier. Billy is on his own now and isn’t all that interesting as a solo cowboy. Gunn starts fast but Funk flips out of a backdrop and scores with a superkick. A bad looking belly to back superplex drops Funk again and a clothesline gets a very sloppy two.

The announcers ignore the match to talk about Austin vs. Hart and we hit the chinlock. That goes nowhere so Gunn misses a top rope legdrop, allowing Funk to hit a spinwheel kick for two. Funk gets the same off a top rope victory roll but his moonsault hits knees. Billy comes back with a tornado DDT for the pin at 7:05.

Rating: D+. This just wasn’t very good. Gunn was such a lame character on his own and it would only get worse soon after this as he would become Rockabilly for several months. Funk was at least entertaining with his high flying even though his career in the WWF never went anywhere. Boring match.

The opening video focuses on the history of Wrestlemania but this isn’t quite the same thing. That’s very true as this one wasn’t even a sellout. We hear about the spirit of rebellion in the air and Austin vs. Bret is discussed after the main event.

Godwinns vs. New Blackjacks vs. Doug Furnas/Phillip LaFon vs. Headbangers

This is a four team elimination match with the winners getting a Tag Team Title shot the next night on Monday Night Raw. The Blackjacks are Bradshaw and Barry Windham, Furnas and LaFon are a Canadian team who aren’t the most interesting guys in the world and the Headbangers are….different. They wear skirts and slam into each other in what is considered dancing. Before the match the Blackjacks say they’re riding again (the original team hadn’t been around for about twenty years. Of note, Windham is the son of Blackjack Mulligan and Bradshaw is the nephew of Blackjack Lanza) in a quick interview.

It’s a huge brawl to start as you would expect until it’s Henry vs. Bradshaw. The Godwinn get the better of it but Thrasher is quickly in, only to get planted with a pumphandle slam. Phineas comes in to beat on Thrasher even more before he tags out to Mosh, giving us Headbanger vs. Headbanger.

That goes nowhere so it’s off to Windham vs. Furnas (an incredible powerhouse) with the latter pulling off a hurricanrana, only to get caught in a powerslam for no cover. Bradshaw comes in and falls to the floor with Furnas but Bradshaw shoves the referee down for the DQ and an elimination. Furnas and LaFon are counted out as well, meaning it’s down to the Godwinns vs. the Headbangers.

Phineas works over throws Thrasher around and gets two off a delayed vertical suplex. It’s back to Henry who is sent into the buckle, followed by an awkward exchange where Thrasher seemed to forget to raise his boot in the corner. Phineas comes in to spit in Thrasher’s face (which Vince says Phineas does to farm animals, much to Lawler’s confusion) but it’s quickly off to Mosh vs. Henry with the big man scoring with a Cactus Clothesline.

Mosh dives off the apron to take Henry down and this just keeps going. Commenting on the Headbangers’ attire, Lawler asks if Vince has any White Zombie CDs. Vince: “White……Zombie?” Back in and Thrasher misses a moonsault, allowing the tag to Phineas for some house cleaning. Thrasher breaks up the Slop Drop and Mosh hits the Stage Dive (top rope seated senton) for the pin and the title shot at 10:39.

Rating: D. The wrestling was sloppy, the teams had no issues coming in and the double elimination felt really cheap. This was one of the worst possible ideas for an opening match as it started bad and never got any better. Just not a very good match as it went longer than it needed to and didn’t change the fact that this division is still lacking.

In Your House XIV ad.

Brian Pillman and Sunny tell us to CALL THE HOTLINE!

Intercontinental Title: The Sultan vs. Rocky Maivia

Honky Tonk Man is out on commentary in his quest for a new protege. Rocky is defending (after beating Hunter Hearst Helmsley to win the title a little over a month ago in a big upset) and Sultan is just a Middle Eastern monster played by the future Rikishi and managed by Bob Backlund and the Iron Sheik. Rocky starts fast with some right hands and a dropkick to send Sultan out to the floor.

Sultan throws him into the post to take over as the crowd is noticeably not interested. Back in and a hard clothesline gets two on the champ and we’re in the nerve hold. Oh sweet goodness not this again. Honky Tonk says he’d have already won with the Shake Rattle and Roll and be in the back combing his hair. Sultan’s top rope headbutt gets two and it’s time for a chinlock.

The fans are rightfully bored and restless as this hold continues. Rocky makes his comeback with some open handed punches and a belly to belly for two as the fans still don’t seem interested. The high cross body (Rocky’s finisher) connects but Sheik has the referee. A great looking superkick (he always had a good one) takes the champ down and a piledriver gets two. Rocky comes right back with a rollup for the pin to retain at 9:43.

Rating: D-. This one was less bad and much more dull with the chinlock in the middle killing anything they could have gotten out of it. Rocky would of course get way better but he didn’t have a character or anywhere near the charisma that he would have in the future. That leaves you with a dull match against a one note challenger which isn’t something you want to do after a lame opener.

Post match Sultan, Sheik and Backlund destroy Rocky but his dad Rocky Johnson comes in for the save and house is cleaned.

Ken Shamrock, the former UFC Champion and the guest referee for the submission match, promises to not be intimidated.

Dok Hendrix (better known as Michael P.S. Hayes and with a very loud echo for some reason) asks Helmsley about his relationship with newcomer Chyna. Helmsley says Hendrix doesn’t need to know about it and tonight he’s taking Goldust out straight up. Marlena better be watching out too.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Goldust

Helmsley has taken a major step up in the last year as he’s a lot more serious though still far away from what he would become. This started a few months ago when Helmsley made a pass at Marlena. Goldust went after Helmsley but Chyna debuted and attacked Marlena to continue the feud. Goldust is now good but still a bit out there as he crouches down and stares at Hunter before exploding with right hands. He makes sure to spit down at Chyna who as usual doesn’t flinch.

Helmsley gets clotheslined out to the floor as Lawler accuses Vince of wearing a toupee. More right hands are followed by a ram into the post and this is one sided so far. Hunter’s facebuster only gives him a temporary reprieve as Goldust scores with a nice powerslam. With all the momentum, Goldust goes up top but gets thrown down onto the floor in a huge crash to completely change momentum. Things slow way down as they should when the villain is in control and Goldust’s clothes are partially removed for the second year in a row.

Hunter puts on an abdominal stretch to slow things down even more as Marlena puffs on a cigar. Off to a chinlock with Helmsley’s arm not actually making contact with Goldust’s throat. A suplex gets two on Goldust and a DDT gets the same. Back up and Goldust’s comeback is stopped as they ram heads to make the match drag again. Goldust loads up the Curtain Call (reverse suplex slam) but Chyna goes after Marlena, allowing the Pedigree to put Goldust away at 13:17.

Rating: D+. I’ve never liked this match or feud but I guess it’s an improvement as they had a longer and worse match at the Royal Rumble. These two fought each other for the first half of 1997 and it never took off. Helmsley just wasn’t entertaining at this point as he had such a slow paced offense and Goldust wasn’t really the kind of person who was going to be able to help him to a new level here. It’s not a horrible match but it’s really boring, especially after an awful first hour.

Marc Mero and Sable pitch Wrestlemania shirts. Well ok it’s mainly Sable but Mero is there too.

Shawn Michaels can’t figure out AOL.

Tag Team Titles: Mankind/Vader vs. Owen Hart/British Bulldog

All villains here. Hart and Bulldog are defending and Mankind and Vader have Paul Bearer in their corner after Bearer turned on Undertaker at Summerslam 1996. The champs have been having issues for months and Owen recently said he was smarter than Bulldog, who is also European Champion, having beaten Owen in a tournament final to become the inaugural champion.

Vader powers Owen into the corner to start and pummels him with right hands. A splash misses but Owen tries a hurricanrana and is easily powerbombed down. Heaven help this team if he’s the smarter one. Everything breaks down and Bulldog throws the challenger around before staying in to headbutt Mankind. Bulldog suplexes both of them in an awesome power display (he was always great at those) and we hit the chinlock on Mankind.

They head outside with Vader nailing Bulldog in the back of the head with the urn to take over. Now it’s Vader’s turn for a middle rope splash, followed by a running knee to the head from Mankind. Vader dives into a powerslam (a very common spot for him) and the tag brings in Owen, who the fans don’t cheer because he’s a heel. Hart avoids a sitdown splash and cross bodies Vader, only to run into a heavy clothesline to give the challengers control again. Owen gets beaten down in front of his parents in the front row and Lawler has a ball with his jokes.

Mankind blocks a splash with his knees as the announcers discuss the history of the WWF in this building, including a Wrestling Classic reference. A nice spinwheel kick puts Vader down to no response but he breaks up Owen’s tag attempt. Mankind follows Owen to the floor but charges into a belly to belly. The hot tag finally brings in Bulldog to clean house, even knocking Vader’s mask off. The powerslam is countered by the Mandible Claw though and they fall outside for the double countout at 16:04.

Rating: C-. That’s the best match of the night by far and it’s really more long than good. Mankind and Vader probably should have taken the titles here, even if it was just for a quick title reign before Owen and Bulldog got them back. They had held the titles for months now and it was time to freshen the division up a bit.

Mankind won’t let go of the hold for a bit but the challengers eventually leave, far too happy about a double countout draw.

We get a long recap of Hart vs. Austin. This is all about Austin having no respect for anything Bret Hart has done in the WWF and letting his venom flow through the company. Austin has been winning the mental game too as Bret has started completely snapping, going on hateful tirades about how everyone has screwed him over and how it’s everyone else that has changed. Bret’s entire legacy rides on him being able to defeat Steve Austin and regain the fans’ respect in this one match.

This is one of the greatest stories ever told in wrestling as the details (costing Bret the title, the Royal Rumble etc) are all secondary to the underlying theme: Bret being unable to hold on to the past and not accepting this new reality. Austin embodied the rebellious nature and it made for a perfect dynamic with the traditionalist Bret. As great as the stories were, the matches were even better and made the feud one of the best ever.

Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart

Submission match with Ken Shamrock refereeing. Austin has a famous entrance as a wall of glass saying AUSTIN 3:16 breaks and he walks through the broken pieces. The fans are split here but it seems to be more pro-Bret coming in. They slug it out to start and are on the floor very quickly. Austin is sent face first into the post but he crotches Bret across the barricade and clotheslines him into the crowd.

Bret gets whipped into some hockey boards but he fights back and they head deeper into the fans. A backdrop gets Bret out of a piledriver as you can barely see anything at the moment. Back to ringside with Bret in control and the fans completely into something for the first time all night. Austin reverses a whip to send Bret into the steps but Hart grabs a swinging neckbreaker to get a breather back inside.

Vince is already treating Bret like the heel on commentary, wondering what kind of excuse Bret will have if he loses. It’s time to work on Austin’s eternally damaged knee with a leg snap and some cannonballs off the ropes. He misses another cannonball though and Austin grabs the Stunner out of nowhere. No covers though so Bret gets up and kicks the knee out again.

The Figure Four around the post has Austin screaming but he doesn’t give up. Lawler: “Bret can twist that leg until it looks like the Chicago White Sox’s Robin Ventura but Austin won’t submit.” Bret grabs a chair but can’t Pillmanize the leg, allowing Austin to get in a great chair shot to knock Hart off the top. The fans are losing it for Austin here and you can see the future right in front of your eyes.

Austin’s middle rope elbow, complete with two middle fingers, has Bret in even more trouble. JR is on fire here as he talks about how this is all about respect and emotion instead of covering a bald spot (shot at Hogan) or your reputation. Unfortunately Vince is there to bring it back down to dull, unemotional commentary that sounds like a high school chemistry teacher trying to be funny.

Austin goes for a submission by laying on his back, wrapping his leg around Bret’s head and pulling back on his arm (it’s hard to put into words) before going for a standard Boston crab, only to have Hart make it to the ropes. Austin can’t get a Sharpshooter on Bret (Lawler: “Wouldn’t that be great? Seeing Bret submit to the Sharpshooter?” Vince: “Hey, it could happen.”) so he sends him outside instead. A hard whip sends Austin into the barricade, wiping out a bunch of commentators and busting him open.

Bret sends him into other metal objects and sweet goodness Austin is spewing blood. Hart pounds away on the cut and it’s time for the Five Moves of Doom. That’s enough wrestling though and Bret starts driving the chair into Austin’s bad knee. JR again goes into his full on excitement mode before Bret hammers away in the corner. Austin isn’t interested in wrestling either and kicks Bret low. The fans are right back into this and Austin is fired up. He stomps one heck of a mudhole in the corner, flips Bret off, and stomps him again.

A nice superplex plants Bret again and Austin chokes him with an electrical cord, only to have Bret grab the bell to knock Austin out. That’s a very nice callback to Wrestlemania VIII where Piper wouldn’t give into the demons but Bret easily did. The Sharpshooter goes on and the blood is flowing out of Austin’s head in one of the most famous shots in wrestling (As Austin would later say on his podcast: “That’s an image that sold a lot of t-shirts.”). A loud Austin chant starts up and he powers out of the hold as the blood drips down between his teeth but Bret gets it back on and Austin passes out to end the match at 22:03.

Rating: A+. Good grief this match is amazing. This is the match that turned Austin into the biggest star of all time and the moment where the WWF had the Monday Night Wars won. It would take time, but Austin was clearly going to be the hottest thing ever and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it.

That’s the key to the whole match and a great piece of symbolism: Bret could not stop Austin and only slowed him down. No matter what Bret did, he couldn’t make Austin quit, even after he gave in to the dark side. This is on the short list for the greatest match of all time and certainly one of the best Wrestlemania matches ever. In case you somehow haven’t seen this, go out of your way to watch it at some point because it’s one of the best and most important matches of all time.

Bret is still livid and stomps away even more until Shamrock (who wasn’t a factor in the match) breaks it up and offers to fight. Hart leaves and is booed out of the building as Austin has pulled himself to the corner. Austin pulls his way up and Stuns the referee for trying to help him. He very slowly limps to the back with no help, receiving thunderous cheers from the crowd. A star has been born and everyone knows it. Even the announcers put him over as the toughest man they’ve ever seen.

The Nation of Domination (Faarooq, Savio Vega and Crush plus an army of unnamed men, many of whom were actors there to make the Nation look even bigger. That’s actually a very smart idea and not something I’ve seen since.) promises that it’s going to be a fight against the Legion of Doom and Ahmed Johnson. Ahmed had feuded with the Nation for months now and this is one of their many showdowns.

Nation of Domination vs. Legion of Doom/Ahmed Johnson

This is a Chicago Street Fight and the Nation has brought out a bunch of weapons to use. Ahmed has a 2×4 and Hawk brings a kitchen sink for the sake of completeness. The LOD seems even more fired up than usual to be in their hometown. It’s a brawl to start of course and thankfully there are no tags required here. The good guys clean house to start and the yet to be named D’Lo Brown, JC Ice and Wolfie D. (the rappers who perform the Nation’s theme song) are slammed down to the floor.

Ahmed dives over the barricade to take Crush out as this is rapidly turning into a match that is impossible to call. Hawk swings a 2×4 at Savio but hits the ropes, sending the board into the air, only to have Hawk make a nice catch to send Savio running again. Animal tries to piledrive Faarooq through the French announcers’ table but they fall to the side instead. Instead Animal sprays him with a fire extinguisher and things slow down a bit until Ahmed slams Faarooq through the French table.

Animal beats the fire out of Savio with a trashcan but the fire extinguisher goes off again to blind everyone. The Nation puts a noose around Ahmed’s throat to hang him over the ropes but Hawk comes back with a double clothesline. Faarooq tries to choke Hawk with the noose until he gets pulled off the top rope for a big crash. The brawling continues until Crush gets caught in a quick Doomsday Device, followed by a 2×4 shot to give Animal the pin at 10:43.

Rating: B. It’s the definition of a garbage brawl but these guys beat the fire out of each other the entire time and gave us one heck of an entertaining brawl, especially in the death slot after the submission match. This was really fun and that’s all it needed to be with the fans going nuts over seeing the LOD dominant and violent one more time.

JC Ice and Wolfie D. take a double Doomsday Device after the match.

In Your House XIV ad.

There’s no recap for the main event but there isn’t much of a story to tell. Sid took the title from Bret when Austin interfered and Undertaker has been in the title hunt for a long time now. This was originally going to be Bret taking the title from Shawn to get his win back from last year but Shawn lost his smile just in time for the match to not take place. That’s very convenient no?

Shawn Michaels comes out for commentary, taking his sweet time to soak in all the cheers.

Sid says he isn’t scared of the darkness.

WWF World Title: Sycho Sid vs. Undertaker

Sid is defending and gets the very cool name in lights fireworks display. The bell rings and here’s Bret Hart (Shawn: “Imagine that: Bret being resentful about not being in the main event.”) to insult Shawn for faking an injury, tell Undertaker that they’re no longer friends, and tell Sid that he’s a fraud as champion. Sid just smiles and powerbombs Bret before telling the crybaby to hop along. There’s a second bell and we’re ready to go.

Undertaker pounds away to start and hits an early Old School, only to get caught in a bearhug. The hold stays on for nearly two minutes as Lawler and Michaels bicker for a bit. Shawn asks if you can actually squeeze the life out of Undertaker. Sid boots Undertaker in the face and kicks him over the announcers’ table as this is dragging along.

A slam turns the table over but Undertaker is right back to his feet and they go inside with Vince mentioning that this was turned into a No DQ match earlier today. Not that it really matters but that’s three straight No DQ matches to end the show. Sid pulls back on a camel clutch as Shawn gets in a perfect analysis by saying Sid doesn’t deviate from the power because it takes him everywhere he needs to go. That’s such a perfect lesson that so many people don’t understand.

Sid gets two off a powerslam and the frustration is setting in. Shawn: “Better pound on him some more.” They go outside again with Sid being knocked over the barricade so Undertaker can punch him in the face. Back in and we hit a bad chinlock (read as Undertaker is laying on his back with Sid’s hands on his face) until Undertaker fights up with a powerslam for two.

Now it’s Undertaker with a nerve hold as the crowd is getting restless again. Back up and it’s a double big boot to put both of them down. A middle rope clothesline (more like a fist) gets two for the champ but Undertaker punches him out of the air on the next attempt. Now it’s Undertaker going up top for a clothesline for two of his own. Sid reverses the Tombstone into one of his own but even the arm fold cover gets two.

They go outside for the third time and here’s Bret again to blast Sid in the back with a chair. Back in and a chokeslam gets two for Undertaker but he misses a running clothesline. Sid sets for the powerbomb until Bret comes down AGAIN (Shawn: “Doesn’t he get tired of getting beat up?”) and snaps Sid across the top rope, setting up the Tombstone to give Undertake the title at 23:54.

Rating: D-. WAY too long here and the match was a disaster most of the time. Sid isn’t made to go this long and it made for one heck of a bad match. The Bret stuff got annoying in a hurry but at least he was more interesting than either guy out there. Undertaker winning is definitely the right call as Sid was pretty much gone after this and Undertaker could at least do some entertaining things with the right opponent. That’s not the case here though and the match was a disaster.

Undertaker poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Yeah this was bad. There’s a really good stretch of about forty five minutes in there that was on fire but this isn’t a forty five minute show. So much of this was spent on matches that didn’t feel important or didn’t give me a reason to care. What changed here other than the World Title? Rocky retains in a lame match, the Tag Team Titles go to a double countout and we need to watch tomorrow to find out what happens with the Headbangers?

Much like Wrestlemania IX, this didn’t feel like a Wrestlemania. If this was any other show during the year, the results would have been much better. Unfortunately, as has been the case multiple times, this was the biggest show of the year and the card didn’t live up to the standard. This isn’t a good show but that’s a very common problem around this time, which is why business was in such a bad place here.

Ratings Comparison

Headbangers vs. Godwinns vs. Doug Furnas/Phillip LaFaon vs. New Blackjacks

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: D

Rocky Maivia vs. The Sultan

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D-

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Goldust

Original: D

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D+

Owen Hart/British Bulldog vs. Vader/Mankind

Original: D+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: C-

Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2015 Redo: A+

Legion of Doom/Ahmed Johnson vs. Nation of Domination

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Undertaker vs. Sycho Sid

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D-

Overall Rating

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

The street fight is good but it’s not THAT good.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/20/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-13-hitman-and-austin-thats-it/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/22/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xiii-austins-ascension/

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XII
Date: March 31, 1996
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 18,853
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

Much like last year, there’s nothing else to talk about besides the main event. This is all about Shawn vs. Bret and they’re not even trying to hide it. The other big match on the card is Diesel vs. Undertaker but it’s so far behind the World Title match that it’s not fair to mention them in the same breath. Let’s get to it.

Before we get to the show, here’s a bonus that probably should have been on the main card (at least on paper). Occasionally WWF would air a match on their pre-show (known as the Kickoff Show in modern times) and I’ll include them if they’re available. There were dark matches for years before Wrestlemania would go on the air but this is the first that was actually recorded.

Free For All: Tag Team Titles: Godwinns vs. Bodydonnas

This is a tournament final for the vacant titles. The Bodydonnas (Skip and Zip, a pair of exercise enthusiasts) have Sunny, a rather attractive manager and the Godwinns (Henry O. and Phineas I. (get it?), hog farmers) have Hillbilly Jim in their corner. Of note there’s a big blimp flying around over the lower arena, making it practically impossible for fans sitting behind it to see a thing.

Henry and Zip start things off and a wheelbarrow slam gives the Godwinns early control. Phineas comes in and has one of his fits as he clears the ring. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled by any of this. Things settle back down and it’s Henry catapulting Zip over the top and down onto Skip for a nice crash to get the crowd into things a bit. For some reason Phineas tries to come in (he never was that bright) and the Bodydonnas take over with a double slingshot suplex.

Skip drops Zip into a legdrop onto Henry but a Rocket Launcher misses. The cold tag brings in Phineas to clean house and Skip is in trouble. Phineas loads up the Slop Drop (reverse DDT) but Sunny gets on the apron and pulls up her skirt to flash Phineas, allowing Skip to roll him up for the pin and the titles at 5:24.

Rating: D-. Thankfully these things would get better later on because this was terrible. It’s probably better that this wasn’t on the main show as people really didn’t need to see how dismal the tag division had become at this point. There were so many lame gimmick teams like this and they took years to get better, but even then it only lasted for a short time. Terrible match but the right result.

The opening video is entirely focused on Bret vs. Shawn and their contrasting personalities with Bret being all about respect and Shawn being very in your face. They respect each other coming in and this is going to be a great test for both, even though looking back there was no question about which way this was going.

Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson/Yokozuna vs. British Bulldog/Owen Hart/Vader

Johnson is an athletic freak who would have been WWF World Champion had he not been so injury prone. Yokozuna is even heavier than ever and is in this match to get his hands on the heels’ manager Jim Cornette if the good guys win. Vader is Cornette’s new charge and really shouldn’t need an introduction. The big guys start brawling at the start and it’s Yokozuna’s team clearing house with Yokozuna launching Ahmed over the top and out onto Vader. That’s good for a better reaction than anything in the Tag Team Title match had and we’re less than a minute in.

Vader and Yokozuna slug it out to start with Yokozuna getting the better of it until Owen and Vader get him down in the corner. Vader pounds him down with rights and lefts but misses a splash, allowing the hot tag to Ahmed. We get some real house cleaning from the powerhouse but Vader gets in a shot from behind. Vince talks about a herd of buffalo until Owen dropkicks Johnson down, allowing Vader to come back in for some more big shots to the head.

Ahmed completely misses a clothesline to Owen (Johnson had a great look and awesome charisma but he couldn’t do the actual wrestling part) and makes the tag off to Jake for his signature punches. Owen blocks the DDT though and it’s off to Bulldog for a front facelock. The heels keep taking turns on Jake and Owen’s top rope elbow gets two. Bulldog’s running powerslam gets the same (that’s a big surprise) and so does a splash from Vader.

Jake finally avoids a legdrop and falls into the tag off to Yokozuna who pounds Vader down in the corner again. Owen takes the DDT but Jake has to intercept an interfering Cornette. That looks to set up a DDT on Cornette but Vader makes the save and Vader Bombs Jake for the pin at 13:11.

Rating: C-. This didn’t need to be so long and the teasing of Yokozuna getting his hands on Cornette didn’t go anywhere. They did however keep Jake in there for the most part and that’s the right idea given how good he was at selling a beating like that. Yokozuna was only good for quick bursts at this point and the weight would lead to him leaving the company. Vader was clearly on the rise as he was a monster but one who could move with very impressive speed, making him a great addition to the main event.

Call the Hotline!

We recap Roddy Piper vs. Goldust, which can be translated to “Razor Ramon had drug issues so here’s Piper instead.” Piper is a man’s man and President of the WWF, but Goldust (still very bizarre in actions here instead of just in name only) is attracted to Piper and his power. That’s not cool with Roddy and it’s time for a fight at Wrestlemania. Not a match mind you, but they’re going to be fighting in a back lot.

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

This is a Hollywood Back Lot Brawl and Piper is waiting, baseball bat in hand. Goldust drives up in a gold Cadillac, which Piper attacks with a fire hose and then the more logical bat. Piper goes after Goldust with the bat and the camera is jumping all over the place. They break up a concessions table and Piper beats him all over the lot, including some HARD right hands that sounded like they were making some very real impact.

Goldust gets slammed onto the hood of the car and seems to be bleeding from somewhere. A low blow slows Piper down and Goldust runs him over, causing Piper (or more likely a stunt man) to hang on as Goldust drives through the lot. Piper finally falls off and steals a white Bronco to chase after Goldust. No rating due to time but we’re not done with this yet.

Savio Vega vs. Steve Austin

Vega is a Puerto Rican brawler and Austin is the Million Dollar Champion (not on the line here) with Ted DiBiase in his corner. These two had been fighting for a bit but it was made worse when they had to team together in the Tag Team Title tournament. Austin didn’t want to win and laid out Savio instead. We’re ready to go after Savio says he’s ready for anything.

They slug it out and the brawl is quickly on the floor where a DiBiase distraction doesn’t do Austin any good. Back in and Vega’s shoulder goes into the post as Austin takes over on his own. That’s a nice, subtle point and would come into play months later when Austin intentionally got DiBiase sent out of the company.

Austin tries to work on the arm but Savio takes over with some nice kicks. Oh wait though as Roddy Piper calls in to say he’s chasing Goldust down the freeway because this isn’t over. Vega flips out of a chinlock but the arm is still bothering him. Austin comes back with a middle rope elbow as Piper gets on the phone again but his phone keeps cutting off when he’s about to swear. This is a bad sitcom plot.

A pinfall reversal sequence gets a few near falls each but we have an aerial shot of Piper…..which is the video from the OJ Simpson car chase. Back to the match (which shouldn’t have to happen more than once ever) and Austin dives into a raised boot to put both guys down. Savio wins a slugout but a spinwheel kick takes out the referee. The distraction lets DiBiase throw in the title belt goes upside Savio’s head twice, allowing Austin to put on the Million Dollar Dream until the referee wakes up to call the match at 10:03.

Rating: C. The match was entertaining while they actually focused on it but instead we had to sit through Piper calling in (likely from backstage) to advance this stupid idea that no one not named McMahon finds funny. These two feuded for several months and it was a very underrated pairing with both guys getting better as a result. Of course Austin would move on to a much bigger feud later in the year and never looked back, but this was really fun stuff like it lasted.

Austin won’t let the hold go for a long time after the match is over.

More Piper footage which is still from the OJ chase.

We recap Undertaker pulling Diesel through the mat last month at In Your House VI and then Diesel seeing himself in a coffin. Diesel says he’s dealing with Undertaker tonight and then Shawn is next. Yes Shawn and not the title. I guess even Diesel knew what was coming in the main event.

Another half second of Piper footage as the announcers make sure to not say where they’ve seen this before.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Ultimate Warrior

Helmsley has a new valet (like he did every week) named Sable. Warrior is making his return for the first time since 1992 and Lawler had been suggesting that he was 400lbs and bald. Of course he’s his normal (normalish I guess) self and Lawler looks like an idiot again. Helmsley (who is TINY by comparison to what he would become) attacks Warrior before the bell and hits the Pedigree thirty seconds in. Warrior is almost to his feet faster than Helmsley though and it’s time for the clotheslines and shoulders. The gorilla press and splash end Helmsley at 1:39, though I think he’ll be fine. Warrior would be gone again by July.

Merchandise ad.

The debuting Wildman Marc Mero (Johnny B. Badd from WCW) says he’s ready for the competition here in the WWF. Helmsley stumbles in and they get in a fight to set up Mero’s first feud.

In Your House VII ad.

Diesel vs. Undertaker

This is the first time Undertaker has had a really serious challenger at Wrestlemania in a few years and for once he feels like he’s in real danger. These two have cost each other title shots at the last two pay per views and now it’s time for them to go one on one in a marginal dream match. Diesel wins a slugout to start and crushes Undertaker with a running clothesline in the corner.

Undertaker misses his big elbow but sits right back up and they quickly on the floor. A quick ram into the steps looks to set up the tombstone back inside but Diesel slips off the back and kicks Undertaker in the face for two. They’re flying through this so far. Undertaker misses the jumping clothesline and crashes into the ropes, only to snap Diesel’s throat across the top. Diesel is right back though and throws Undertaker into the barricade before stopping to pose.

Back in and the side slam gets two, followed by Snake Eyes (actually called that by Vince, I believe for the only time ever) to keep Undertaker in trouble. In a rare sight, both guys connect with a big boot at the same time (that’s hard to do when you think about it). It’s Diesel up first and we hit the bearhug on Undertaker. Lawler: “YOU GOT HIM BAY-BAY!”

Undertaker suplexes his way out of it but Diesel is up again and scores with the Jackknife. He’d rather celebrate than cover though and Undertaker eventually sits up. That’s fine with Diesel as he hits a second Jackknife but still won’t cover, allowing Undertaker to get up and grab him by the throat. That earns Undertaker a belly to back suplex but he pops up for a bad looking chokeslam. Undertaker plants Diesel with the Tombstone for the pin at 16:37 to make it 5-0.

Rating: B. Diesel was on his way out for WCW but he was actually having better matches every month right before he left. This was by far the best Undertaker Wrestlemania match so far as they were beating the tar out of each other. It’s nice to see Undertaker actually in some trouble instead of just destroying people for a change and Diesel gave him a great challenge. This was much better than I was expecting and a great big man fight.

Ultimate Warrior is on America Online.

Goldust and Piper return in their cars and fight to the ring with Goldust getting the better of it. Another low blow has Piper in trouble and now it’s time for Goldust to strip him. Piper’s bad leg is wrapped around the post but it just seems to fire him up even more. Goldust goes to kiss him but punches Piper in the face instead. That’s fine with Piper as he crotches Goldust on top, only to have Goldust kiss him. Piper will have none of that and he hammers away before grabbing Goldust between the legs. Now it’s time for a spanking, followed by Piper stripping Goldust down to some S&M lingerie to finally end it.

Piper’s son Colt comes in to celebrate with him.

We look back at the history of Bret vs. Shawn with a focus on both of their (singles) history in the company. Shawn has been rising through the ranks and is looking to fulfill his boyhood dream. We also get a focus on their training style with Shawn learning under high flier Jose Lothario and Bret being taught submissions by his father Stu Hart. This worked very well and summed up the entire idea in about a minute and a half.

Shawn says everyone knows the story and now it’s time for the final chapter.

Bret says he just wants to wake up tomorrow morning with the title.

Gorilla Monsoon is introduced as the new President of the WWF.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

Bret is defending and this is a sixty minute Iron Man match, meaning the most falls (pin, submission, countout, disqualification) in the time limit wins. Lothario comes out with no Shawn but he points to the top of the arena for Shawn’s famous zipline entrance into the crowd. That shot of him riding down into the arena was shown on a lot of highlight packages for a very long time. Hebner explains the rules in full, even down to how a countout works, and we’re ready to go.

Feeling out process to start as Shawn grabs some quick takedowns to frustrate Bret just a bit. Bret holds on to a headlock to slow things down as Vince tries to say there are no Bret or Shawn fans but only WWF fans. Lawler is all over him for sounding stupid as this headlock continues. In this case though it makes sense as both guys would want to conserve energy.

Shawn fights up into a top wristlock but Bret reverses into a front facelock. That goes nowhere so Shawn escapes into an armbar. They get to their feet and try to pick up the pace but it’s right back to the mat for more arm cranking on the champ. Bret takes him into the corner for some shots to the ribs but Shawn forearms him in the jaw and headscissors Bret to the floor.

We’re ten minute in and you might think that headscissors would start the second gear but instead it’s right back to the armbar from Shawn. Bret stops to yell at Lothario and the distraction lets Shawn crank on the arm all over again. The hold stays on so long that Vince and Jerry actually talk strategy and analyze the match. Back up and Michaels gets caught in a spinebuster but fights out of a Sharpshooter attempt. They head to the floor and Bret is sent into the timekeeper’s area where a superkick takes the timekeeper’s (who looked a lot like Tony Chimmel) head off.

Back in and Bret grabs a chinlock to slow things down all over again. Shawn FINALLY fights up and hits a hard clothesline but Bret nails one of his own and it’s right back to that chinlock. Another comeback from Shawn includes a dropkick and there’s another armbar. We’re twenty minutes in and this already isn’t boding well. Shawn pulls on the wrist with his foot in Bret’s face before switching to a regular armbar. Good thing too as the fans might have been interested in something different.

Back up and they get a bit more aggressive as Bret’s shoulder is sent into the post. A shoulder breaker and hammerlock slam (shades of the Andersons) have Bret in even more trouble but Shawn isn’t following up. There’s a cross armbreaker on the wrong arm so Shawn quickly switches to the proper version. Shawn switches up to a seated armbar for a good bit until Bret fights up with a Stun Gun for the break. The arm keeps giving him problems though and Shawn sends Bret face first into the buckle. Bret isn’t done yet though as he comes back with the Five Moves of Doom.

For some reason he goes to the top rope and Shawn is ready to catch him, but Bret puts his knee on the back of Shawn’s head and drives him down onto the mat. Shawn comes back with a powerslam for two as there are thirty minutes to go. A slam brings Bret off the top again and a hurricanrana lets Shawn hammer away. That’s one of the first lucha style moves Shawn has used after basically promising to use a bunch of them. Nice little head game there and not something you often see work on Bret.

The threat of Sweet Chin Music sends Bret to the floor but Michaels goes to the top and LAUNCHES himself down onto Bret. That was one heck of a dive and always impresses me whenever I see this match. Back in and a PerfectPlex gets two on the champ. We hit a sleeper, which is smart but annoying after everything we’ve sat through here. Bret fights up (the arm injury disappeared a long time ago) and backdrops Shawn WAY over the top for a huge crash. Lothario comes over to check on him but somehow it’s not a countout.

Back in and Bret works on the back with an ax handle and backbreaker. There are twenty minutes left and Bret drops him with a belly to back superplex. We hit the reverse chinlock for a bit until Shawn fights up, only to have Bret throw him to the floor and into Lothario. With fifteen minutes to go, Bret even screams at Jose as he tries to get up and belly to bellys Shawn down for two. That’s rather heelish of him. The yelling, not the suplex.

Shawn’s right hands don’t get him anywhere as Bret counters a rollup by kicking Michaels outside again. This time it’s Bret diving through the ropes to take Shawn down again. Bret is willing to take the countout now but then changes his mind and breaks it up. Lawler: “He’s his own worst enemy! No, not as long as I’m still alive.” Back in and a German suplex gets two for the champ and Shawn can barely stand. He’s still able to slug it out from his knees though, telling Bret to bring it on.

A big headbutt puts Shawn down but Bret can’t follow up. After a few shakes of his head, Bret grabs another reverse chinlock and we have ten minutes to go. Shawn fights up yet again but it’s a double clothesline to reset things all over again. There’s a superplex from Bret as Vince declares it over at the six minute mark. He’s wrong on both counts as not only does it not get a fall but there were nearly seven minutes left.

Shawn kicks Bret in the face to block a Sharpshooter so Hart has to settle for a half crab instead. Unfortunately Shawn is right next to the ropes for the save and we’ve got five minutes left. Bret dives into a boot and both guys are down again. Shawn comes back with a nice dropkick to send Bret into the corner and there’s the Irish whip for Bret’s chest first buckle bump. Four minutes left and Shawn forearms into the nipup (which the camera misses) as it’s time for a comeback. Lawler: “Michaels has just gotten his nineteenth wind!”

With three minutes left, Shawn gets two off a top rope ax handle. The top rope elbow gets the same and Shawn plants him with a gutwrench powerbomb. He goes up with two minutes left and a moonsault press gets another near fall. A middle rope hurricanrana gets the same and Shawn is winded. With a minute left, Shawn goes up top but misses a dropkick and gets caught in the Sharpshooter. Bret cranks back on it but the time limit expires at 1:00:00.

We’re not done yet though as Bret goes to leave, only to have Monsoon make a ruling that we’re getting sudden death because THERE MUST BE A WINNER. Bret is ticked and starts hammering away on the back but Shawn jumps over him in the corner and hits Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere. Everyone (including me when I was watching live) jumps to their feet but Shawn can’t follow up. Both guys stagger to their feet and another superkick gives Shawn the first fall and the title at 1:01:50.

Rating: B-. This is a really tricky one to grade but the first twenty minutes ruin whatever else they could have had here. It’s just a bunch of laying around in rest holds, which may make sense but that doesn’t mean it’s entertaining. This would have been much better off as a regular match running about forty minutes as it increases drama and lets you believe that something might happen at any given moment.

The match is fondly remembered and it’s certainly not bad, but it’s definitely nowhere near a classic. Allegedly neither guy wanted to job multiple times to the other and it caused the match to be a bunch of waiting around for the first and decisive fall, which made for a dull match until the last five minutes. Unfortunately that’s the case with almost all Iron Man matches and it certainly happened here too. Good match, but not as great as it’s hyped up to be.

Bret is all ticked off and leaves, not to be seen for over seven months. Vince gets in the great line of “the boyhood dream has come true for Shawn Michaels.” Shawn is stunned but finally celebrates like you knew he was going to do.

A highlight package takes us out.

Overall Rating: B. This was a one match show but the Diesel vs. Undertaker match was more than enough to help push it up to a higher level. This was still a bad time for the company but they were smart enough to go with a new direction. Shawn’s success as champion would be hit or miss on his best day but there was no question that this was the right move at the time. It’s not a great show, but when nearly half of it is spent on an entertaining enough match, the show is a success.

Ratings Comparison

Camp Cornette vs. Yokozuna/Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C-

Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C

Ultimate Warrior vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Undertaker vs. Diesel

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: B-

I’m kind of stunned that the Iron Man has stayed consistent.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/19/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-12-one-really-long-match-and-not-much-else/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/21/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xii-grabbing-the-brass-ring/

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania IX
Date: April 4, 1993
Location: Caesars Palace, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 16,891
Commentators: Jim Ross, Bobby Heenan, Randy Savage

This is one of the weakest cards the series has ever seen. Nothing on the show feels important with the main event of Bret Hart defending the WWF World Title against Royal Rumble winner Yokozuna feeling lukewarm at best. The second biggest match is Hulk Hogan/Brutus Beefcake challenging Money Inc. for the Tag Team Titles. Like I said: not the strongest card. Let’s get to it.

Gorilla Monsoon is the host this year, meaning he’ll be on screen for less than five minutes. Like everyone else, Monsoon is in a toga because it’s a toga party. I’m still not sure who thought this was a good idea.

In one of the major moments of the show, Jim Ross (JR) makes his WWF debut and talks about the main events before taking his place as lead commentator. I really could have gone through life without ever seeing him in a toga.

Finkus Maximus (just go with it) introduces Caesar and Cleopatra on an elephant while JR gives a history of elephants and Rome. This is kind of missing the point of a wrestling show but Randy Savage is brought out on a sedan to make things a bit better. To really cap it off, Heenan comes out riding a camel backwards.

Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Tatanka

Shawn is defending after winning the title in November and has Luna Vachon, a rather scary woman with several tattoos on her face, trailing behind him. Tatanka is still undefeated and Sherri follows him out but it’s not clear if they’re associated. Heenan: “She’s here to beg Shawn Michaels to take her back!” Savage: “Wrong again camel breath.” Shawn goes for the leg to start but Tatanka kicks him away a few times as Heenan recaps the history here, roughly three minutes after JR did so.

The champ grabs a headlock for a bit before going up top, only to dive into an armdrag. More weak armdrags send Shawn to the mat before he channels his inner Nature Boy with a Flair Flip in the corner. A Tatanka chop knocks him off the apron so Shawn has to go to the eyes (another Flair standard) to get a breather. Things speed up until Shawn charges into an atomic drop and gets caught in a DDT.

Off to an armbar from Tatanka as Shawn apparently came into this with a bad shoulder. Back up and Shawn tries a clothesline but hurts his own arm in the process and it’s right back to the armbar. A charge sends Shawn’s shoulder into the post again and we hit the third armbar in a row. There’s a shoulder breaker but Tatanka doesn’t know how to follow up (Savage: “I would have covered him right there!”) so he goes to the top and dives into a superkick (still not a finish).

Shawn throws him to the floor and hits a great looking clothesline from the apron. It’s time to focus on the women for a bit with Shawn yelling at Sherri, only to turn around and get two off a swinging neckbreaker. Things settle down with a chinlock before Shawn starts firing off left hands as the arm is suddenly fine. Shawn tries a bad looking victory roll for two before going up top again for another victory roll which is countered into an electric chair (they just repeated the spot which always exposes too much).

Tatanka goes on the warpath (his version of Hulking Up) and starts the chops, followed by a catapult into the post as Shawn is now channeling Mr. Perfect. Shawn dives into a powerslam for two and they roll to the floor as the fans chant for Sherri. Heenan doesn’t understand why they’re doing that but his questioning gets cut off as Shawn pulls the referee to the floor. The Papoose To Go (fall away slam) knocks Shawn silly but he’s been disqualified at 18:08.

Rating: B. That’s a very frustrating ending but it makes sense as they wanted to keep the title on Shawn but didn’t want to end Tatanka’s undefeated streak, leaving them with few alternatives. Still though, this was one heck of a match though a bit longer than it needed to be. The shoulder stopped being a thing about halfway through, even though Shawn stopped selling as he was known to do. Tatanka just didn’t have anything past the basics but the fans got behind him due to his charisma, which is all you need most of the time.

Shawn leaves and Luna slams Sherri on the floor.

Recent arrivals the Steiner Brothers say this is their first Wrestlemania but it’s going to be one to be remembered and they’ll make Julius Caesar proud.

Headshrinkers vs. Steiner Brothers

The Headshrinkers are Samu and Fatu (later known as Rikishi) and the Steiners are Rick and Scott, a pair of hard hitting amateur wrestling brothers. At the bell, JR debuts the term slobberknocker to make this one historic. Scott and Fatu get things going with Scott easily taking him down via a nice amateur double leg. Fatu tries to make it into a slugout but Scott just takes his head off with a clothesline. The Headshrinkers double team Scott down so he and Rick get up on the same buckle for stereo top rope clotheslines. That looked awesome.

Things settle down as JR breaks some news about Luna attacking Sherri in the first aid station. Heenan won’t go back to check for an update because the camel is back there. Heenan: “Luna probably worked over the camel too.” Samu’s head cracks off the post and Scott dropkicks Fatu for good measure. Back up and Samu tries a hot shot but drops Scott face first over the top in a sick looking landing.

The Headshrinkers’ manager Afa CRACKS Scott in the back with his staff to keep him in trouble. Fatu’s middle rope headbutt gets two and Scott is almost out of it. The bad beating continues as Fatu sends him into the post, FINALLY drawing Rick over to check on his brother. Back in and Scott makes the eternal mistake of hitting a Samoan in the head, earning him a superkick. Yeah there’s really no defending that. You don’t hit a Samoan in the head.

Samu comes in and rakes the eyes as JR tries to call the match while Heenan argues with Savage. The fans chant for the Steiners as something like the Demolition Decapitator gets two on Scott. Back up and it’s a double clothesline as the announcers argue over what states border Oklahoma. Samu misses a headbutt and Scott finally tags off to Rick for some house cleaning and Samoan suplexing.

JR calls him Dog Face (short for Dog Face Gremlin, Rick’s nickname. That brings up a good sign for Ross. Back in 1993, not everyone would watch both companies, meaning some fans might not realize that JR has called Steiner Brothers matches before. On his first match he knows Rick’s nickname, making him look like he’s done his homework) as he beats up both Headshrinkers but a double headbutt drops Rick with ease.

A double Stroke of all things sets up what looks to be a Doomsday Device but Rick belly to bellys Fatu out of the air for an INSANE counter. I’ve never seen that before or since and it still looked great. Scott tags himself in but eats another superkick, only to come back with a bad Frankensteiner for the pin at 14:22.

Rating: A-. I like this match more every time I watch it as they were beating the fire out of each other here with some of the stiffest shots you’ll find. The Steiners always worked stiff and the Headshrinkers could go step for step with them. Some of the spots here were amazing with that suplex from the shoulders being a major highlight. Awesome, hard hitting match here which never broke down into a brawl.

Call the Hotline!

Doink the Clown (very evil) has desecrated a bust of Julius Caesar but calls it art. We see Doink attacking Crush with a false arm (with Vince shouting that he took his own arm out of the socket until Savage point out that it’s obviously a cast to shut him up) to set up their match tonight. Doink thinks Crush will be seeing double vision.

Crush vs. Doink the Clown

Crush is a now big power guy from Hawaii in bright purple and orange. Doink has an umbrella with him but Crush knocks it out of his hands and rams the clown face first into the post. Some right hands to the face have no effect on Crush so he grabs a neckbreaker and keeps up the beating. Doink finally gets a break by guillotining him across the top rope. A piledriver gets no cover so Doink rams him into the post. Heenan: “Break the pineapple head!”

The Clown makes the eternal mistake of going up top and jumping straight down feet first, allowing Crush to raise a boot and take over again. Crush clotheslines him to the floor and Doink tries to hide under the ring. Amazingly enough a clown isn’t very good at keeping out of sight. Crush drags him back inside but the referee gets bumped.

It’s time for the head vice (Crush’s finisher where he squeezes his opponent’s head like a vice, making it a very appropriate name) but a second Doink pops up with the arm cast to knock Crush silly. The second Doink hides under the ring and the referee wakes up just in time to count the pin on Crush at 8:27.

Rating: D. And the really good match streak ends at two. This was a bizarre choice for a story as Crush would seem to be ready for a big push but he loses to Doink at Wrestlemania. Now to be fair, Doink is a very interesting character when he’s still all evil. Once he turned face as he was destined to do, there was no way he could be anything more than a joke. There’s certainly something interesting about an evil clown (see the Joker) but unfortunately that wasn’t going to last in 1993.

Another referee comes out and looks under the ring but can’t find anyone.

Some Japanese photographers don’t know about Doink but love Yokozuna.

Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund

Ramon debuted late last year but the crowd is rapidly turning him face. Backlund is an old veteran who is making a nostalgia run and having some good matches despite being in his early 40s and being out of the ring for years. Ever the good sport, Backlund offers a handshake but gets a toothpick to the chest for his efforts. A LOUD Razor chant starts us off as JR hypes up the Hotline. Backlund starts fast by sweeping the leg a few times so Razor punches him in the jaw.

As the match goes on, Savage casually brings up Lex Luger knocking Bret Hart out cold earlier today. So this information has been known all day and it’s just NOW being brought up, an hour into the show? Backlund forearms him down and hooks a nice butterfly suplex, followed by an atomic drop, a high spot for him back in the day. Back up and Bob tries a slam, only to get small packaged for the pin at 3:45.

Rating: D. I guess they haven’t gotten all the filler matches out of their system yet. This was a decent way to showcase Razor but it wasn’t the most interesting thing in the world. Backlund was quite the return story but that’s the best they can do to make Razor look like a big star?

Ad for King of the Ring.

Money Inc. isn’t worried about the Mega Maniacs (Hulk Hogan/Brutus Beefcake with Jimmy Hart, who jumped to yet another team) after crushing Beefcake’s face with their metal briefcase. Hogan has threatened to bankrupt Money Inc. but how do you bankrupt a company with an unlimited credit line? I.R.S. promises to make Beefcake’s face look like a jigsaw puzzle with some missing pieces.

Tag Team Titles: Mega Maniacs vs. Money Inc.

Money Inc is defending and Hogan comes in with a black eye, with explanations ranging from a jet-ski accident (official and most likely story), DiBiase hiring a bunch of people to attack him (storyline story) and Randy Savage punching him in the face over accusations that Hogan was sleeping with Elizabeth when she and Savage were still married (possibly true). Beefcake has a metal mask to protect his face and the team gets a decent but certainly not great reaction.

I.R.S. and Beefcake get things going but the champs are quickly double teaming. DiBiase tries an ax handle to the metal mask and hurts his hand as you would expect. Some rams into the buckle have no effect either. Come on Ted you’re smarter than this. Now we get the tag to Hogan for his first match in a year. He hammers down right hands in the corner, despite having FAR smaller muscles than he did the last time we saw him.

Hogan finally mixes up the offense with a big boot before going back to the right hands. A Piper style poke to the eye is enough to send Money Inc. walking but the referee says if they walk out, the titles change hands. As usual, Hogan has some corrupt official helping him out. Back in again and Heenan gets very close to accusing Savage of having something to do with the black eye.

DiBiase gets in a cheap shot to take over on Hulk, allowing I.R.S. to choke with a tag rope. More choking ensues until we hit the Million Dollar Dream but Hogan seems moderately annoyed by it instead of in any kind of trouble. It’s basically a chinlock with the arm trapped but Savage takes the attention off of it with this gem: “They’re hanging from the rafters……if they had rafters……but I’ll tell you what they have columns and they’re hanging from them!”

Beefcake comes in with his own sleeper to DiBiase for the save as Hogan is actually out from the hold. That’s certainly a new one. Hogan gets up at about nine and the hot tag brings in Beefcake. Well hot is a stretch as the fans don’t seem to care but it’s been a pretty dull match so far. Beefcake cleans house until DiBiase hits him in the back with the metal briefcase.

DiBiase gets smart by taking off Brutus’ mask so Heenan makes face off jokes. A double clothesline puts the champs down but Beefcake puts I.R.S. in the sleeper instead of tagging. DiBiase makes a quick save but the referee gets bumped. The tag brings in Hogan but there’s no one to see it. Hulk comes in anyway and hits both guys with the mask. Jimmy Hart tries to wake up the referee but when that doesn’t work, he turns his jacket inside out to reveal referee stripes and counts the pin to end the match at 18:43.

Rating: D. This was much more long than anything else and the whole thing got stupid at the end. Hogan was WAY past his expiration date at this point and it was pretty clear based on this match. Beefcake wouldn’t wrestle for the company again but naturally Hogan brought him in for the main event of WCW’s biggest show the next year.

Hogan and Beefcake hold up the titles, making them the only two people in the arena stupid enough to think that counts. Another referee comes out and says not quite as Money Inc. wins by DQ. Ever the good losers, Hogan poses to limited cheering but then cracks open the briefcase and gives away the money inside (along with a brick. Why you would need a brick when you have a METAL BRIEFCASE?). So now he’s stealing in addition to looking like a moron with that ending. Hogan is a four time WWF World Champion and now he thinks his manager counting a pin is supposed to change a title? What a hero: a cheating moron.

Singer Natalie Cole gets a nothing interview to say she’s having fun. The CEO of the casino is happy with everything that’s going on.

Mr. Perfect isn’t worried about Lex Luger being a knockout artist with that forearm (which contains a steel plate). He’s been on a roll this week with a hole in one playing golf and he’s been hot at the tables so let’s make it one more win tonight.

Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect

Luger is still the Narcissist and comes out with some barely clothed women that have the announcers drooling. They trade wristlocks to start and Perfect shoves the much stronger Luger into the corner. A big running knee lift knocks Luger down and a dropkick sends him to the floor as this is almost all Perfect so far.

Back in and Luger sends him into the buckle but Perfect just kind of staggers around. After that awkward selling, Perfect starts going after the knee and slaps on a spinning toehold. Back up and Perfect’s bad back is sent hard into the buckle as this isn’t exactly taking off. A backbreaker keeps Perfect in trouble and Luger rolls him up in the corner for two but gets caught with his feet on the ropes.

Perfect comes back with a sleeper but gets driven back first into the buckle. At least Luger is focusing on a body part and sticking with it. Perfect finally tries his own worst enemy and catapults Luger into the buckle. It doesn’t quite work the same but maybe the idea scared him. A missile dropkick gets two on Luger but he counters a backslide and shoves Perfect’s feet into the ropes for the surprise pin at 10:56.

Rating: D+. And that’s being generous. This really didn’t work as neither guy could get anything going. Perfect was in a weird place here as he was still talented but didn’t really have a character. Luger was just that forearm but would somehow wind up being the co-top hero in the company in just a few months. It didn’t work for either guy here though and the match was pretty boring.

Luger knocks Perfect out and walks off. Perfect slowly gets up and goes after him but gets jumped by Shawn Michaels to start their summer long feud. This triggers a big argument between Savage and Heenan with Macho Man getting up and pointing his finger in Heenan’s face. Believe it or not, Heenan actually doesn’t run away.

Gorilla previews the rest of the show.

Giant Gonzalez vs. Undertaker

Gonzalez is a 7’8 monster (wearing a full body skin colored spandex suit with muscles drawn on and fur at the shoulders) who was brought in by Harvey Wippleman to replace Kamala, who Undertaker dispatched to end 1992. This is the same story that would be used about thirteen years later when Undertaker feuded with Daivari’s lineup of monsters.

Undertaker comes out in a funeral chariot complete with a vulture for his first cool Wrestlemania entrance. Undertaker, a legitimate 6’10, comes up to Gonzalez’s chest. Some big forearms have little effect but Gonzalez is nice enough to sell an uppercut that clearly missed.

A low blow doesn’t have much effect on Undertaker so he comes back with Old School. Undertaker gets thrown around and we hit a standing chinlock. Gonzalez gets bored and throws Undertaker to the floor and then into the steps. The power of the urn gets Undertaker back to his feet and inside but Gonzalez headbutts him right back down. Some awkward strikes stagger the Giant and he goes down to one knee so Harvey throws in a towel with chloroform to knock Undertaker out but it’s an obvious DQ at 7:34.

Rating: F. This was awful and maybe Undertaker’s worst Wrestlemania match ever. Gonzalez was just terrible and made everyone else look bad too because no one could do anything with someone so big and awkward. On top of that, the ending sets up a rematch instead of just ending this lame feud once and for all here like they should have.

Undertaker is stretchered out and Gonzalez lumbers around the ring. Eventually Undertaker’s music plays and he staggers to the ring to clean house.

Call the Hotline!

Gene, after talking about Heenan going to buy new underwear, shows us a clip of Yokozuna crushing Jim Duggan’s ribs. Yokozuna followed it up by winning the Royal Rumble and then crushing WWF World Champion Bret Hart’s ribs at the contract signing. Enough of that though as Gene brings in Hulk Hogan, who has been talking to Bret and assuring him that all the Hulkamaniacs are in his corner. Since he was attacked last night, Hogan wants Bret to make sure he’s watching everyone around him.

Oh and one more thing: Hogan wants the first shot either at Bret or at “the Jap” if he wins the title. As for a prediction, he thinks the title is staying in the USA in the match between a Canadian and a Polynesian wrestler billed from Japan. As usual, Hulk never was one for the most in depth thinking in the world.

Todd Pettengill (a very stupid interviewer) interviews some frat boys.

WWF World Title: Yokozuna vs. Bret Hart

The 505lb Yokozuna is challenging and has Mr. Fuji in his corner. The announcers have spent most of the show talking about how Bret is the huge underdog after being knocked out by Luger, sat on by Yokozuna and then just being in trouble against the monster in general. Bret charges across the ring for a running dropkick and some right hands, only to have Yokozuna shove him down and shoulder him out to the floor.

Yokozuna tries to kick the champ while he’s down but Bret grabs the foot and ties him up in the ropes to get the big man down. Bret fires off more right hands and drops a middle rope elbow until the referee breaks Yokozuna free. The big man is up and slams Bret with ease before dropping a huge leg/various other parts on Bret’s face for no cover. The fans chant USA to support the Canadian so Yokozuna chokes him down before switching to a nerve hold.

Back up and Bret gets his feet up in the corner, setting up something like a middle rope bulldog for two. That earns the champ a superkick and another nerve hold to continue boring the crowd. Heenan points out the stupidity of the USA chants as Bret fights up and gets a better middle rope bulldog for another two.

A pair of clotheslines put Yokozuna down for half a second so Bret punches away in the corner. Yokozuna shoves him so hard that the turnbuckle pad is pulled off, only to have Bret ram the monster face first into it. The Sharpshooter actually goes on but Fuji throws salt in his eyes, giving Yokozuna the pin and the title at 8:56.

Rating: D+. They did what they could do here but the story of “Bret is going to get killed” is about as lame of a way to set up a title match as you can get. Bret was hammering away with everything he had but like Gonzalez (albeit a much better version), there’s only so much that could be done here, especially when you’re an average size guy like Hart. This could have been much worse but it still wasn’t much to see.

Hogan is here IMMEDIATELY after the match to plead Bret’s case. You know, like all the other times Bret and Hogan have been such great friends. Due to reasons of extreme overconfidence and stupidity, Fuji is willing to give Hogan a shot RIGHT NOW. Bret gives his blind blessing and we’re off.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Yokozuna

Fuji throws salt in Yokozuna’s face by mistake (with the referee just watching) and it’s a clothesline and the legdrop to give Hogan the pin and the title at 28 seconds.

Hogan celebrates as Bret is completely forgotten to end the show. That would be Hogan’s last singles match until early June because he took seven weeks off before coming back to do tag matches with Beefcake against Money Inc. But hey, it’s another title win.

Overall Rating: D. This is actually a tricky one to grade. The show only runs about two hours and forty five minutes and the first fifty minutes are excellent stuff with two good to very good opening matches. I can’t call a show with an opening third that solid a failure by any means so the show gets some big points there.

That being said, the rest of the show goes off a cliff with the best match being the main event, which really isn’t any good and clocks in as the shortest announced Wrestlemania main event in history. Couple that with Hogan sneaking in to take the title in an ending that wasn’t the most popular in the world and you don’t have a great title picture going forward.

The word picture is appropriate here as well as this show doesn’t look like a Wrestlemania is supposed to. Instead of the biggest show of the year, this felt like a random pay per view in the mid to late summer, which actually would have helped it a lot. The outside venue is cool but it feels like a fun show rather than something big and epic like the show at Madison Square Garden or the shows in big stadiums.

Overall this show has too many problems working against it. The atmosphere was a failed experiment but the card didn’t do it any favors. Yokozuna was fine as a monster to be slayed but Hogan wasn’t the choice to do it, at least not two minutes after Yokozuna won the title at Wrestlemania. I’m supposed to be impressed that Hogan beat a tired Yokozuna and had to have salt in Yokozuna’s eyes to do it? That’s not a good end to any show but the fact that it was the end of Wrestlemania made it even worse.

Ratings Comparison

Tatanka vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Steiner Brothers vs. Headshrinkers

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: A-

Doink the Clown vs. Crush

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Money Inc. vs. Mega Maniacs

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: D+

Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez

Original: F+

2013 Redo: D-

2015 Redo: F

Yokozuna vs. Bret Hart

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

Yokozuna vs. Hulk Hogan

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Overall Rating

Original: F+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

How is this a Wrestlemania?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/16/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-9-wrestlemania-goes-outside/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/18/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-ix-why-would-fuji-do-that/

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania VI
Date: April 1, 1990
Location: Skydome, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 67,678
Commentators: Jesse Ventura, Gorilla Monsoon

This year’s main event, billed as the Ultimate Challenge, is more than enough to carry the show. It’s title for title with Hogan’s WWF World and Warrior’s Intercontinental Titles both on the line in one of the only times that Hogan would lower himself to go after the midcard title. There’s nothing else on this card worth mentioning so let’s get to it.

The opening video is a really cool concept as it shows Hogan and Warrior as constellations in the sky. They’re the most powerful forces in the universe and they face off tonight. I’ve always liked that.

Robert Goulet sings O Canada for a change of pace from the previous years.

The arena looks much brighter and more modern this year. It’s a striking change.

Koko B. Ware vs. Rick Martel

The ring carts are back for unfortunately their final appearance. This should be an interesting dynamic as Martel is from Canada (though that might not be very well known here and he’s billed from Florida) but is a heel now, as well as a model. We actually get an old school weapons check but Martel jumps Ware like a true villain should. Koko’s middle rope cross body gets two and things speed way up. A backdrop and clothesline send Martel outside but he comes back in and throws Martel over the top. See, real Canadians only need one move where Americans need two. It’s a patriotism thing.

Back in and we get a light BORING chant. Come on people we’re not even ten minutes in. Martel gets two off a suplex and starts in on the back to set up his Boston crab. Koko shrugs off a ram into the buckle and starts back with shoulders and dropkicks. No one ever accused him of having a complex offense. Ware tries another cross body out of the corner but Martel is ready for him this time. I love it when someone learns during a match. The Boston crab makes Koko give up at 5:30.

Rating: D+. Pretty nothing match here and another odd choice for an opener. It’s not a good sign when they’re already into the filler matches and we’re only a single match into the show. Martel was fine for a midcarder who could work a good match and Koko could fire up a crowd but this was a glorified squash for Rick.

Gene refers to the Colossal Connection (Andre the Giant and Haku, the Tag Team Champions) as the Colostomy Connection. Heenan: “Well if you want to talk evacuation…” Basically the champs are ready for their rematch with Demolition. Gene: “The Colossal Connection: they’re anything but regular guys.”

Ax says he wants to chop Andre down and shout TIMBER! That’s not bad, but Smash wants to throw Andre in the back of a semitrailer and drive him off a cliff. Sean Mooney: “This is starting to sound like a demolition derby!” Ax: “Now you’re getting the idea.”

Tag Team Titles: Demolition vs. Colossal Connection

The Connection is defending but don’t even get an entrance. It’s a brawl to start and the champs take over until it settles down to Smash vs. Haku. This goes better for Demolition as Smash wins a slugout and brings in Ax, who makes the mistake of taunting Andre. Well to be fair he might have just wanted a Machines reunion (Ax had been one of the Machines back in 1986 when Andre was suspended).

Andre’s interference actually doesn’t get them very far though so it’s Haku poking Smash in the eye to take over. A nice thrust to the throat puts Ax down and Haku hits a backbreaker to keep him in trouble. Andre sneaks in a headbutt (how can a giant sneak in anything?) to give Haku a near fall and a thumb to the eye stops Ax’s comeback. We get a wide shot of the arena and as usual it’s quite the visual. It’s off to the nerve hold but Smash makes the mistake of trying to come in, allowing Andre to choke with the tag rope in the corner.

There’s a shoulder breaker for two but Haku charges into a raised boot in the corner. The hot tag brings in Smash and the fans are way behind this. Something like a cross body/ax handle get two for Smash and a double clothesline puts Andre down in the corner. Haku superkicks Andre by mistake to tie him up in the ropes, setting up the Decapitator to give Demolition the titles back at 9:15. Andre was never legally in the match.

Rating: C+. I had a good time with this and the fans were WAY into Demolition, even though this was pretty much their last hurrah. Andre was beyond a shell of himself at this point and it was sad to see him just standing on the apron and getting in a shot where he could. This would also be his last televised match in the WWF and that’s probably best for everyone all around.

Post match Heenan loses his mind and blames Andre for the loss, poking him in the chest, dropping audible F bombs, and SLAPPING ANDRE IN THE FACE. Jesse and Gorilla think Heenan is about to die and Andre knocks him silly with a right hand. Haku’s superkick is easily caught and Andre beats him up too. Heenan and Haku try to get on the cart but Andre pulls them off and beats them up again before taking the cart for himself in one last face turn for the road.

A new monster called Earthquake (6’8 and 468lbs, he’s from Canada and was called Canadian Earthquake until this show for obvious reasons) and his manager Jimmy Hart predict an earthquake right here in Toronto. Earthquake promises that Hercules will feel the tremors.

Earthquake vs. Hercules

Earthquake’s sneak attack doesn’t work and Hercules hammers away with left hands before dodging a charge in the corner. Back in and Earthquake asks for a test of strength which might actually work for him. Neither guy can get the advantage so Hercules tries some shoulders and the big guy (as opposed to the guy who isn’t 6’1 and 270lbs) is staggered. Like a moron, Hercules tries the backbreaker, meaning a torture rack, and Earthquake elbows him in the back of the head. The Earthquake splash (running sitdown splash) is enough to pin Hercules at 4:53.

Rating: D. No one ever accused Hercules of being smart but come on now with that backbreaker attempt. Hercules would be moved into a heel tag team soon after this and that was certainly better for everyone involved. He played his role well enough and was a good choice for a midcard power wrestler.

Earthquake gives him another splash for good measure. Hercules becomes one of the first victims to not leave on a stretcher.

Celebrity gossip columnist Rona Barrett (they’re REALLY stretching for celebrities now) interviews Elizabeth and asks where she’s been. Basically Elizabeth has been gone for most of the year, save for a few appearances here and there. She says if she comes back, it will be in a much more physical role.

Brutus Beefcake is looking at Mr. Perfect’s record and sees that it’s really impressive. No one is perfect though and that record isn’t going to look as good after their match.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Mr. Perfect

Perfect now has The Genius (Randy Savage’s real life brother Lanny Poffo, a talented wrestler in his own right) as his manager. Jesse: “I can’t lose in Hollywood. I’ve got Paul Newman’s eyes, Kurt Douglas’ chin and Robert Duvall’s haircut.” This is a result of Beefcake beating Genius at the Royal Rumble and then getting attacked by Mr. Perfect, which the fans are just expected to know because it’s not mentioned by the commentators. They slug it out in the corner to start until Beefcake knocks him out to the floor. Back in and Brutus atomic drops him right back to the floor.

It’s time to start working on Perfect’s back with some hard whips for the awesome selling. We see TV legend Mary Tyler Moore in the front row, making this show a hundred times classier. Genius gets on the apron for a distraction and drops his metal scroll so Perfect can knock him out. The neck snap gets a slow two as it’s time to talk about Mr. Perfect’s dad Larry Hennig, who even Gorilla sounds scared of. Beefcake grabs Perfect’s ankle ala Hogan before catapulting Perfect face first into the post, ala almost every match Perfect ever has, for the big surprise pin at 7:47.

Rating: C. It was better than Beefcake’s match last year but that was a really sudden ending, especially for Perfect’s first televised loss. Perfect was in a weird spot at this point as he clearly wasn’t a World Title contender but he wasn’t around the Intercontinental Title picture yet. Brutus continues to be more charisma than ability and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Post match Brutus puts Genius to sleep and cuts his hair to really end this feud.

Clip from the Royal Rumble of Roddy Piper and Bad News Brown eliminating each other and brawling to the back. Then Brown called it a skirt and you know it’s on.

Here’s the infamous part of this show as we get an interview from Roddy Piper, who is in half blackface. The white side is Hot Rod and the black side is Hot Scot. I think this was supposed to be a Michael Jackson thing (he even does a little Billie Jean) but it’s far more bizarre than anything else. Piper says he has a big mouth and Brown has bug eyes.

Roddy Piper vs. Bad News Brown

The bell rings and let’s look at the crowd for the first twenty seconds or so. Piper dances a lot and they start grappling as this is another brawl instead of a match. The referee splits them up and Piper gets two off a cross body in probably the only wrestling move of the match. Brown starts punching and knocks Piper out of the corner before stopping for a nerve hold.

An elbow gets two for Brown but Roddy goes Three Stooges by poking him in the eye. The referee checks on Piper for something, allowing Brown to expose the buckle. Piper puts on a glove (more Michael Jackson stuff) and a bunch of right hands have Brown in trouble. They fight to the floor where Brown punches the post. Piper misses a chair shot though and it’s a double countout at 6:47.

Rating: C. This was a nutty brawl but everyone remembers the body paint instead of the match and that’s probably what Piper was shooting for. It’s not a good match or anything but it’s still entertaining and that’s something this show has been needing. Brown was an untapped talent but his character was years ahead of its time and didn’t really fit in the early 90s. Put him in the Attitude Era as an angry MMA character and it would have been gold.

They fight to the back as security can’t break it up.

Steve Allen (comedian and former host of the Tonight Show) is in the shower with his piano to play the Russian national anthem. After a few joke tries to get on the Bolsheviks’ nerves, he promises one from Mother Russia but a toilet flushes instead. Eh cute enough.

Hart Foundation vs. Bolsheviks

The Russians try to sing but get jumped, setting up the Hart Attack for the pin on Boris at 18 seconds for a new Wrestlemania record. The fans love it and the Harts are ready to challenge Demolition.

Wrestlemania VII is coming to the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum! No it isn’t but at least the ad was energetic.

Tito Santana vs. Barbarian

Santana is back to where he was before Strike Force which is probably best for everyone involved. Barbarian has Heenan in his corner. Jesse’s suggestion for Tito: give Barbarian one of his enchiladas and win by countout two minutes into the match. After Barbarian takes an early break on the floor he has to kick out of a cross body at two. Tito tries what looked to be a hurricanrana but opts to punch Barbarian down instead of flipping him over.

Barbarian kicks him in the face and hits a shoulder breaker but misses a middle rope elbow. Some dropkicks and a middle rope ax handle won’t put Barbarian down so Tito blasts him with the flying forearm. Heenan gets the foot on the rope though and offers a distraction leading to Barbarian decapitating Tito with a top rope clothesline for the pin at 4:33.

Rating: D+. I’ve seen worse than this but it still wasn’t much more than a Superstars main event. I don’t think anyone saw Barbarian as anything more than a midcard act but that’s why you bring in someone like Tito. If nothing else, that clothesline from Barbarian made the match worth its time.

We recap Randy Savage/Queen Sherri vs. Dusty Rhodes/Sapphire in a battle of royalty (Savage had won the crown late last year and had debuted Sherri as his Queen) vs. the common people (Dusty was known as the Common Man and Sapphire was his dancing manager). This started back on the Brother Love Show at the Royal Rumble where Love had insulted Sapphire and praised Sherri, triggering a brawl between then. The guys got involved and now we’re going to have the first mixed tag match in company history.

Dusty and Sapphire say they’ve got the crown jewel to deal with the King and Queen.

Dusty Rhodes/Sapphire vs. Randy Savage/Queen Sherri

The genders have to match here. Savage is now in the long tights that he would wear for the rest of his career. Before the match, Dusty unveils the crown jewel as Miss Elizabeth to send Savage through the roof. Savage and Dusty start and Jesse begs the cameras not to film from behind Sapphire. Dusty throws Sherri at Savage and it’s off to Sapphire, who certainly isn’t a wrestler but does a decent airplane spin. Sherri smacks her in the face but can’t get a slam. It’s back to the guys and Dusty is kneed out to the floor so Sherri can get in a right hand.

There’s the ax handle from Savage but Sapphire gets in the way of a second. Jesse: “NAIL HER MACHO!” Ventura almost gets his wish as Savage shoves her down before throwing Dusty back inside. Sherri distracts the referee so Savage can get in a scepter shot to the back (Jesse: “DING!”).

Sherri’s top rope splash gets two on Rhodes as the rules are thrown out the window. Sapphire comes back in again (Jesse: “She’s a little bottom heavy isn’t she?”) and throws Sherri to the floor but Elizabeth throws her right back in. Everything breaks down again and Sherri reaches for Liz, only to get shoved into a rollup from Sapphire for the pin at 7:31.

Rating: C-. The match was bad but it was more than entertaining enough to get by. Dusty was the kind of guy who could make anything entertaining and his chemistry with Savage was always fantastic. It’s not a good match or anything but it’s the kind of entertainment that works just well enough to get by.

Dusty, Sapphire and Elizabeth dance. This was one of Elizabeth’s final appearances for a long time.

Intermission time.

Wrestlemania VII ad.

Gene is with Bobby and compares him to a visiting mother in law. Heenan rants about Andre turning on the family. Gene: “Where do you have the ba…..the nerve to slap Andre the Giant?” Heenan says he’s starting a new Heenan Family with members who will listen.

Rona Barrett implies she has an adult video of Jesse but it’s not allowed to be shown. This is never mentioned again.

Savage says he and Sherri aren’t done with Dusty and Elizabeth.

Demolition is ready for the Hart Foundation.

Jesse and Gorilla throw it back to ringside but it’s off to a Hogan interview instead. That’s a rare miss for Gorilla. Or it’s an edit.

Hogan talks about arriving in Toronto and how tonight could be the final night of Warrior’s life if he breathes his final breath into Hulk’s body. He can save the Warrior and his Little Warriors from the darkness and bring them into the light. That covers his annual “I can save your soul” line but it reached a new level of insanity, even for him. Hogan makes sure to point out that it doesn’t matter whether you win or whether you lose, which pretty much spoiled the ending.

Warrior throws Sean Mooney out of his locker room because he doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air that Warrior and Hogan breathe. The Warriors have been questioning where Hulk Hogan is taking them and perhaps he should step into the darkness. The darkness is nothing to fear because Hogan has lived the last five Wrestlemanias to reach this moment.

Warrior comes not to destroy Hulkamania but to bring the Warriors and Hulkamaniacs together as one. The strength of the Hulkamaniacs is coming through the pores of his skin. He has come to do no one no harm but to take what they both believe in to places it shall never have been. Uh…..yeah that’s what I was thinking too.

Rockers vs. Orient Express

The Express is Sato and Tanaka, a Japanese team (Tanaka was from Hawaii but it’s an old wrestling trope) and this could be very entertaining stuff. Tanaka superkicks Marty to start but a quick powerslam is enough to bring Shawn in for some patented double teaming. The Rockers hit stereo planchas to the floor and the fans are right back into this.

Back in and Fuji low bridges Marty to the floor with his cane (some things never change) and the villains take over. Some double stomping have Marty in even more trouble and it’s time for martial arts. Marty lands on his feet out of a backdrop though and brings in Shawn for a (mostly missed) double superkick. To be fair the Rockers are probably hung over again as they so often were.

Tanaka cheats from the apron and it’s a big flying forearm to put Shawn down again. It’s time for the traditional Japanese nerve hold from Sato but a clothesline gets Shawn out of trouble. Marty comes back in to clean house and everything breaks down again. Fuji breaks up the top rope double fist drop though and Marty goes after him with the cane. The distraction works though as Sato throws salt in Marty’s eyes and it’s a countout at 7:35.

Rating: C+. These teams would have far better matches together, including a classic at the 1991 Royal Rumble, but this is still more entertaining than almost anything else on the show so far. This was a perfect choice for the first match back from intermission as they hit the ground running and brought the crowd right back to life. Well done.

Steve Allen is with Rhythm and Blues (Honky Tonk Man and Greg Valentine, now as a regular tag team and also a band) who will be performing tonight. Allen thinks this is going to be as big as when Tiny Tim played the Vince Lombardi rest stop.

Dino Bravo vs. Jim Duggan

Duggan comes out with an American flag to face the Canadian wrestler. Jesse sees it for the stupid idea that it is but of course Monsoon thinks it’s fine. Gorilla continues his rare trend of stupid comments as he thinks Earthquake should be ejected because you can’t have a wrestler’s license and a manager’s license at the same time. Why he never brought this up all the times Heenan got in the ring isn’t clear but maybe it’s the Canadian air.

Bravo shoves him around to start but Duggan punches him in the face for his efforts. A bunch of right hands in the corner have Bravo in even more trouble but he stops to shove the referee. Jesse: “HE SHOVED A REFEREE!” Gorilla: “Really? I didn’t see that.” Jesse: “….what.” It wasn’t even a question but rather Jesse just being annoyed at Monsoon. Earthquake gets in some cheap shots from the floor and Bravo takes over.

Like a truly stupid villain though, he tries to ram Duggan’s head into the buckle and Jim comes back with even more right hands. He’s nice enough to mix it up with some clotheslines but Earthquake breaks up the Three Point Clothesline (which is totally different than the regular clotheslines. This one is out of a three point stance you see). The referee yells at Earthquake and it’s a 2×4 shot to Bravo for the pin at 4:15.

Rating: D-. I can’t believe I’m saying this but Monsoon was really getting on my nerves here. He came off like a heel commentator in reverse with the same lack of common sense or logic that you almost never heard from him, at least not in one match. The match itself was what you would expect from these two but at least it was short.

Earthquake sits on Duggan’s chest three times in a row for some revenge.

We recap Ted DiBiase vs. Jake Roberts, which started last year and is still going now. They’ve been attacking each other ever since and Jake has had his eyes on the Million Dollar Title.

Roberts says this is the biggest match of DiBiase’s career because everything Ted stands for is on the line. Jake brings up Ted humiliating people who needed the money he was offering them and promises to humiliate DiBiase for a change.

Million Dollar Title: Jake Roberts vs. Ted DiBiase

DiBiase is defending of course but the title is only kind of official. Jake starts fast with a shoulder and knee lift but DiBiase bails to the floor to run from the DDT. They do the same sequence again and the stalling continues. Jake gets him back inside and starts working on the arm with a bunch of knee drops followed by a hammerlock. Gorilla and Jesse argue over what Jake is working on until Jake leverages DiBiase out to the floor in a nice counter.

The running knee lift misses though as the announcers keep up a running joke about Gorilla eating a lot of hot dogs. They’ve been going on about that for three matches now and it’s not very funny. DiBiase slaps on a front facelock and the fans start doing the Wave. Ted throws him to the floor as they’re not trying to do much as the fans are distracted. Back in and a piledriver to Jake calms things down but DiBiase takes his time to cover so it’s only good for two.

The Million Dollar Dream puts Jake down but he gets a foot on the rope for the save. It’s time for the comeback and the fans want the DDT. The short clothesline looks to set it up but Jake takes his time as well, allowing Virgil to pull Roberts to the floor. DiBiase follows him outside and slaps on the Million Dollar Dream again, which is good enough to give DiBiase the countout win at 11:53. Apparently that gives DiBiase the title back (not sanctioned so it can change hands on a countout) but was Jake even champion? Jake didn’t came out with the title but they’re treating it like a new champion.

Rating: C. More boring than bad here but that was often the case between these two. The Wave part in the middle didn’t do the match any favors and the match never really recovered. They needed to pick things up and stop waiting around so much but the match could have been far worse.

DiBiase holds up the title and Gorilla freaks out. Gorilla: “He doesn’t deserve it!” Jesse: “He paid for it!” Gorilla: “So?” Jesse: “People don’t deserve the things they pay for?” Also of note here: you can hear DiBiase’s music echoing through the dome for a weird effect. Jake goes after DiBiase and gets the DDT as Virgil runs off with the belt. Roberts gives away some of the money DiBiase dropped, including $100 to Mary Tyler Moore. He gets the snake out but Virgil pulls DiBiase out to the floor.

Slick recaps the Twin Towers splitting, which started when Big Boss Man wouldn’t take money from DiBiase to get the Million Dollar Belt back because he lost it fair and square. So Jake WAS champion coming in? Anyway Akeem promises to crush Boss Man.

Boss Man calls DiBiase scum and he doesn’t take money from people like that. He’s poor but proud of a lot of things, including being an American. Again, shouldn’t that make him a heel here?

Akeem vs. Big Boss Man

Boss Man’s face is terrifying as he rides the cart to the ring, even though he’s the good guy here. Before the bell, DiBiase pops out and attacks Boss Man, including sending him into the post. The referee is fine with all this and counts two off Akeem’s splash anyway. Something like an atomic drop out of the corner gets Boss Man out of trouble and he whips Akeem from buckle to buckle. The Boss Man Slam (and a good one at that) is enough to put Akeem away at 1:50.

The fans don’t like Rhythm and Blues but Mary Tyler Moore likes Wrestlemania.

Here are Rhythm and Blues to perform, complete with a gold record of Hunka Hunka Hunka Honky Love which hasn’t even been released yet. Of note: they’re driven out in a pink Cadillac with future WCW World Champion Diamond Dallas Page driving (it was his car). They even have Honkyettes to really make this amazing. The song is horrible as you would expect, even with real musician Jimmy Hart there as backup. Some vendors show up after the song but they’re the Bushwhackers in disguise. House is cleaned and the instruments are destroyed, meaning the house is dirty again.

The new attendance record of 67,678 (easy to remember at least) is announced. This is done in about twenty seconds.

Rick Rude vs. Jimmy Snuka

Steve Allen jumps in on commentary. Rude, with his hair slicked back and much shorter than in recent years, attacks from behind to start but Snuka holds the rope to avoid a dropkick. We get a hip swivel from the Superfly and a headbutt to the ribs has Rude in more trouble than it should. There’s a flying headbutt to put Rude down again but he’s able to break up the Superfly Splash. Jimmy misses the middle rope headbutt though and the Rude Awakening is enough for the pin at 3:50.

Rating: D. Just a quick match to put Rude over as a tough guy before we FINALLY get to the main event. Snuka was nothing more than a jobber to the stars at this point and he still did that job quite well. Not a good match or anything but what do you expect in the death slot before the biggest match of the year?

We recap the main event with a clip from the Royal Rumble. Warrior and Hogan nearly came to blows after Warrior hit him by accident in a tag match on Saturday Night’s Main Event. That was about it for their drama though as they respect each other coming in.

WWF World Title/Intercontinental Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Ultimate Warrior

Title for title. The fans are WAY into this one as they come to life more than they have all night long. Warrior comes out first and stands on the corner as Hogan makes his entrance for an awesome visual. The crowd is totally split here. I don’t mean the WWE definition of totally split where it’s 70/30 at best. I mean it’s dead even here with both guys being equally loved.

They lock up to start and both guys are shoved into the corner. We get the iconic test of strength with Hogan going down first, only to fight back up and take Warrior down. They trade slams but it’s Warrior getting the better of it and clotheslining Hogan to the floor. Hulk comes up holding his knee and says he’s blown it out. He gets back in and Warrior kicks away at the knee but Hulk stops selling it about ten seconds later and it’s never mentioned again.

Hulk comes back with right hands and a clothesline in the corner as the fans are losing their minds over every single move. Off to a front facelock on Warrior (Jesse: “Ask Richard Belzer!” Belzer was a talk show host that Hogan put in a front facelock and knocked him unconscious, leading to a lawsuit. That’s quite the edgy reference.) before going back to just punching Warrior in the head. We hit the chinlock on Warrior and the fans are even into this.

A belly to back suplex gets two on Warrior and it’s back to the chinlock. Back up again and it’s a double clothesline to drop both guys. Jesse gets it right again by saying Hogan should be in better shape because he’s been in control for so long. Warrior gets up and starts shaking the ropes, setting up the running clotheslines. A suplex gets two on Hulk and we hit the bearhug. Two arm drops mean it’s time for Hogan’s comeback, only to have Warrior run over the referee. Warrior hits a pair of top rope ax handles but misses a shoulder and gets driven face first into the mat.

There’s no one to count so Warrior belly to back suplexes him for the same result. Hogan gets a VERY slow two off a rollup as the referee is only halfway back into it. Warrior is knocked to the floor but comes back in for the gorilla press. The splash connects but Hogan kicks out at two and it’s Hulk Up time. Warrior takes the big boot but the legdrop only hits mat, setting up the second splash to give Warrior the pin and the title at 22:50.

Rating: A. It’s still a classic. This is a match I’ve seen probably two dozen times over the years and I never get tired of it. The crowd carries it up to a higher level but it’s still a great battle of the titans on its own. Hogan losing clean is still a huge deal and felt like it was going to be a new era. We’ll get to that later but the match more than holds up and is one of the biggest matches in wrestling history.

Hogan is stunned and dejected at his first ever clean loss in the company. The referee brings Warrior both titles and the camera focuses on just Warrior so the WWF World Title can be returned to ringside, allowing Hogan to go get it. He hands it to Warrior and endorses the new champion before riding away in the card, leaving Warrior to celebrate to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Just like in the main event, the crowd carries this show far higher. The show is roughly the same length as the previous year’s show but it’s far less boring and energetic to make the time go by faster. It definitely needed to be trimmed down but I can live with a long energetic show over a long and boring show where they’re just killing time until a not as great main event. This was a good kickoff to the new decade and a very fun show.

Ratings Comparison

Rick Martel vs. Koko B. Ware

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

Demolition vs. Colossal Connection

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: C+

Earthquake vs. Hercules

Original: D-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Brutus Beefcake vs. Mr. Perfect

Original: C

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: C

Roddy Piper vs. Bad News Brown

Original: A

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: C

Hart Foundation vs. Bolsheviks

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Barbarian vs. Tito Santana

Original: D

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D+

Dusty Rhodes/Sapphire vs. Randy Savage/Sensational Sherri

Original: D-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: C-

Orient Express vs. Rockers

Original: C

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C+

Jim Duggan vs. Dino Bravo

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D-

Ted Dibiase vs. Jake Roberts

Original: C

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: C

Big Boss Man vs. Akeem

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Rick Rude vs. Jimmy Snuka

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Ultimate Warrior vs. Hulk Hogan

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A

2015 Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C

Why can’t I make up my mind on Brown vs. Piper?

Here’s the original review:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/13/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-6-epitome-of-a-one-match-show/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/15/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-vi-the-ultimate-challenge/

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania V
Date: April 2, 1989
Location: Trump Plaza, Atlantic City, New Jersey
Attendance: 18,946
Commentators: Jesse Ventura, Gorilla Monsoon

It’s back to the same arena as last year for an even longer show. Yes after the marathon that was Wrestlemania IV, this show is actually a bit longer despite there being no tournament. The main event scene is really just a sequel to last year’s match though so the same setting makes sense. Let’s get to it.

WWF Women’s Champion Rockin Robin (half sister of Jake Roberts) sings America the Beautiful and does a decent job. Jesse of course isn’t impressed and doesn’t bring up Donald Trump in the front row again this year.

King Haku vs. Hercules

This is as high as Haku ever got on his own as succeeded Race as the King due to Race’s injuries. This isn’t for the crown though and Hercules is now a face (Heenan had tried to sell him to DiBiase, who referred to Hercules as a slave. This didn’t sit well and Hercules claimed that he was his own man) in powder blue trunks. Haku jumps him from behind to start but Hercules comes back by throwing Haku into the air and just letting him crash to the mat.

Heenan’s advice doesn’t do Haku much good as Hercules drops some elbows but stops to walk around. A second Heenan distraction works a bit better though and Haku gets in some cheap shots to take over. Back in and we hit a bearhug on Hercules to fill in some time but he breaks free and gets two off a cross body. Some clotheslines set up something from the top but Haku gets up a good looking superkick to knock Hercules silly. Back up and Hercules grabs a belly to back suplex but rolls his shoulder up to pin Haku at 6:53.

Rating: D+. Not the worst match here but this was a strange choice for an opener. I mean did they really think that it made sense to push Hercules as something special? At the time they were actually pushing him as a third Mega Power, which meant “the guy that would take a fall in a six man” but it was really just in name only. This was a pretty pedestrian power match but that superkick to stop Hercules was a nice touch. Haku always had a good superkick and it was cool to see him use it, even in a nothing match like this.

The latest pretty boy tag team called the Rockers refer to themselves tag team specialists and say they’re ready for the Twin Towers (Akeem, formerly known as the One Man Gang and now a dancing African along with the 6’6 380lb Big Boss Man).

Rockers vs. Twin Towers

The Rockers are hungover beyond belief here. Boss Man goes after Marty (Jannetty, partner of Shawn Michaels in case you don’t know the Rockers) and gets decked by Shawn from behind. Shawn punches Akeem to get the big man’s attention before doing the same thing to the Boss Man. The Rockers start in on Akeem’s arm but he throws Marty into a bearhug from Boss Man and adds a standing splash to crush Jannetty between the two of them.

More splashes connect and the Towers’ manager Slick says they need a black referee. Why he wants this isn’t clear but he was shouting it pretty loudly. Marty finally avoids a charge to send the Towers together and Shawn gets the tag to help double team Akeem. They whip him across the ring over and over before a double shoulder gets two. It finally gets down to one on one and Akeem just ends Shawn with one of the hardest clotheslines I’ve ever seen. Jesse: “I think he irritated Akeem!”

Boss Man misses his top rope splash though and the Rockers double dropkick Akeem to the floor. They mostly miss stereo missile dropkicks to Boss Man and everything breaks down with Boss Man catching a diving Shawn in a spinning powerbomb. That awesome landing isn’t enough so it’s Air Africa (running splash) from Akeem for the pin at 8:05.

Rating: C+. This was fun for how well the Rockers bumped for the monsters here. That clothesline and the powerbomb to Shawn were particularly awesome as Shawn looked dead off both moves. The Twin Towers had just come off feuding with Hogan/Savage but for some reason it never led to the Tag Team Titles or even a serious shot at them.

DiBiase loves getting to be around the rich people in Atlantic City, even if he’s wrestling a commoner like Brutus Beefcake.

Ted DiBiase vs. Brutus Beefcake

DiBiase’s Million Dollar Title (he couldn’t win the WWF World Title so he made his own) isn’t on the line because Brutus hasn’t earned a shot. Ted shakes hands with Trump before coming in and Donald seems intrigued by the belt. Brutus has his awesome theme music now and it makes his entrance a lot better. Virgil stays in the ring for the first minute or so of the match while DiBiase talks trash to Beefcake.

Brutus gets tired of waiting and backdrops DiBiase out to the floor, followed by some slams and a clothesline to put him right back to the floor. This really hasn’t been a good return to Wrestlemania for DiBiase. He’s already gone from the main event to the third match on the card and now he’s getting beaten up.

Back in and even more right hands stagger Ted until Virgil trips Brutus to give the boss an opening. A middle rope elbow gets two for DiBiase and a suplex sets up the Million Dollar Dream. Brutus grabs the rope and makes his comeback, sending Ted face first into the buckle ten straight times. DiBiase finally knocks Brutus to the floor where Virgil gets in a few shots. Ted follows and they brawl to a double countout at 9:57.

Rating: D+. Well that happened. There wasn’t much of a story to this one and they just did moves to each other for about ten minutes. It’s strange as these two would work well together with Brutus’ great charisma being able to power a sweet comeback. Brutus was never great but the fans loved him and he was adequate enough to work a passable and fun match. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case here but at least they tried.

Post match Brutus cleans house with the hedge clippers to claim a moral victory. As usual, Jesse is on point by calling that assault with a deadly weapon.

Earlier today the Bushwhackers were at the annual Wrestlemania brunch and ate a lot. This isn’t particularly funny.

Fabulous Rougeau Brothers vs. Bushwhackers

The Rougeaus are now managed by Jimmy Hart and All American Boys from Memphis. Butch trips on the way to the ring (to be fair the aisle has steps) and Jesse accuses Gorilla of being drunk in the casino the other night. The Bushwhackers steal Jimmy’s jacket but the Rougeaus save it from being destroyed. So they are good for something. Jimmy gets inside to collect his jacket and gets crushed between the brothers to send him right back to the floor.

Luke and Raymond officially get going as Gorilla questions the Rougeaus being Americans just because they moved here. Jesse: “So as far as you’re concerned, tear down the Statue of Liberty?” That escalated quite quickly. The brothers double team to take over as Butch is being forced out of the ring and we get to the bizarre part of the match (yes the bizarre part of a Bushwhackers’ match). Raymond lifts Luke up for a slam and Luke intentionally rubs Raymond’s crotch. His hand moves up and down multiple times and that’s all it could have been. I’m guessing it was a rib but it’s quite the jarring visual.

Jacques puts on an abdominal stretch and Raymond flips in over the top for a superkick to Luke’s ribs. They stop to pose though, allowing Luke to crawl over to tag Butch, setting up the Battering Ram (Butch holds Luke’s head and drives him into the ribs) and a double stomach breaker to pin Raymond at 5:09.

Rating: D-. This was a comedy match minus most of the comedy. The Bushwhackers are the definition of a comedy team for kids and there’s nothing wrong with that. These teams feuded for the better part of ever and it was the same result almost every time. You could have cut this out and no one would have missed a thing. Well Raymond might have without that slam but I don’t want to think about that anymore.

The Bushwhackers lick interviewer Sean Mooney on their way up the aisle. Mooney: “Words cannot describe what it’s like to be licked by a Bushwhacker.” I speak from experience to agree with him.

Mr. Perfect vs. Blue Blazer

This is the debut of Perfect’s trademark singlet. Perfect trips on the same step that got Butch. Blazer is Owen Hart in a mask, meaning this has potential to be really good. Feeling out process to start with Perfect taking him into the corner and slapping him right in the mask. Blazer will have none of that and dropkicks Perfect over the top with Perfect doing his awesome bumping to get outside. A baseball slide (nowhere near common yet) staggers Perfect even more and there’s a second dropkick to put him down again.

Blazer’s top rope splash hits knees and Perfect finally gets a breather. These are quite the high spots for 1989. A reverse chinlock doesn’t get Perfect anywhere and Blazer gets two off a belly to belly. Blazer’s crucifix gets a VERY close two but Perfect just blasts him in the face with a forearm. The PerfectPlex ends Blazer at 5:51 and keeps Perfect’s record spotless.

Rating: C+. Good match here but they could have done something really special with more time and a more main event style. Blazer was an excellent high flier (especially for this time) and Perfect was already looking like a polished veteran. It’s not great but this was a fun match while it lasted.

Jesse is presented to the crowd for the third year in a row. For some reason Gorilla is surprised and says he was set up for this one.

Yesterday, Mr. Fuji ran a 5K in a tuxedo and snappy bowler hat while barely breaking a sweat. This is to prove that he’s ready for the handicap match for the Tag Team Titles at Wrestlemania as they try to make this mean something.

Run-DMC performs the Wrestlemania Rap. Was Gladys Knight busy this year?

We recap Demolition vs. the Powers of Pain (Warlord/Barbarian) which started back at the Survivor Series. Mr. Fuji turned on Demolition to join the Powers of Pain, leading to a title match at the Main Event. Fuji threw salt in Ax’s eyes for the DQ, which somehow resulted in the Powers of Pain getting a rematch here in a 3-2 handicap match where Fuji can help his team win the titles.

Demolition is ready to beat up Fuj the Stooge.

Tag Team Titles: Demolition vs. Powers of Pain/Mr. Fuji

Demolition is defending but Fuji isn’t the worst addition to the challengers. It’s not that well known but he spent more days as a member of the World Tag Team Champions than anyone in company history at over two and a half years holding half of the titles. He’s 53 here and was a champion as recently as 1982 so it’s not like he hasn’t been out there in 20 years. Fuji throws his salt and bows before we’re ready to go.

Warlord and Ax get things going with Ax taking over and quickly handing it off to Smash for an early neck crank. Gorilla calls the challengers a mongrel team. Demolition is a pair of brawlers but the Powers of Pain are mongrels? That’s quite the stretch Monsoon. Barbarian comes in but gets elbowed in the face three times in a row for his efforts. It’s all Demolition to start until Barbarian chops Smash down to the mat in a pretty rare sight. Warlord comes back in and is immediately double clotheslined but Ax makes the mistake of going after Fuji to change control for the first time.

Fuji comes in for a chop and a falling headbutt which looked a little bit low. Slow stomping ensues, which you have to expect from guys like this. Fuji actually goes up top and misses a…..I’m not sure if it was a legdrop or an elbow and it’s Smash coming in to clean house for some polite applause. Everything breaks down and Fuji throws salt in Warlord’s eyes by mistake, setting up the Demolition Decapitator (backbreaker/middle rope elbow combination) to pin Fuji and retain the titles at 8:55.

Rating: D. Boring match but it was two teams who wrestled the same style which almost never works. Fuji being in there was a nice way to keep the Powers of Pain from getting pinned, probably to allow for house show rematches. Still though, nothing to see here and the fans have made no secret about the fact that they’re just sitting around waiting for Hogan vs. Savage.

Tony Schiavone (he had a pot of coffee for the company in the late 80s and early 90s) is thrown out of Savage’s locker room as the champ shouts that he’s ready for Hogan.

Dino Bravo vs. Ronnie Garvin

Garvin is a brawler who didn’t do much in the company. Before the match, we have to pause for the return of Jimmy Snuka. It has nothing to do with the match but he’s back after nearly four years away. Totally pointless cameo that makes me think it wasn’t meant to air here.

Bravo attacks from behind and forearms Garvin in the back as Gorilla and Jesse argue over how strong Bravo really is. A kick to the chest gets two for Dino and even Jesse rips on Bravo for thinking that would get the pin. Garvin suddenly starts his comeback with a bunch of right hands (his finisher back in the NWA) and a sleeper but Bravo is right in the corner. A sunset flip gets two for Ronnie but he walks into the side suplex for the pin at 3:55.

Rating: D. This would have been a lame match on Superstars and it makes Wrestlemania? Like I said, so much of this card feels like they’re trying to fill in time and that really shouldn’t be happening on the biggest show of the year. This easily could have been cut off to save about six minutes and keep the crowd from getting so bored.

Garvin beats up Frenchy Martin because he’s a sore loser.

Brainbusters vs. Strike Force

The Brainbusters (Gorilla: “Two really tough dudes!”) are Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard with Heenan in their corner. Strike Force has been inactive for a long time due to Martel being injured but he begged Tito to reform the team. Blanchard starts with Martel and Arn is cheating just a few seconds in with a knee to the back. Everything breaks down and stereo dropkicks put the Busters on the floor.

Back in and Martel takes Anderson, the power of the team, to the mat in a test of strength. Blanchard fights up but Tito gets in a blind tag to put Tully in a Figure Four. Martel puts Anderson in one as well but the threats of a disqualification breaks them up. Strike Force tries another blind tag but Santana’s flying forearm hits Martel by mistake, knocking him out to the floor.

The Busters take over on the distracted Santana but he gets two off a middle rope cross body. Arn puts him back down with a knee in the corner as Martel is still shaken up by the forearm. Tito slams Anderson off the top (that might have been a mini tribute to Flair) and goes for the tag but Martel drops to the floor and walks out. So Tito is alone against the Brainbusters and this doesn’t bode well. The yet to be named spinebuster plants Tito, who is still looking over at the empty corner. A spike piledriver puts Tito out of his misery at 9:13.

Rating: C+. Fun match here which was more of a way to set up the Martel vs. Santana feud which went on for well over a year. It’s a simple story and a great way for Martel to look like a jerk, which made for a solid heel turn. The Brainbusters were going to become a much bigger deal and would finally end Demolition’s title reign by the end of the summer.

Martel says he’s tired of carrying Santana, who has always been holding him back. Gene is livid over Martel’s actions. Like more livid than he is on a day to day basis.

It’s time for Roddy Piper’s big return with a live Piper’s Pit. Fink gives Piper a big introduction but we get Brother Love (a heel character who parodied TV evangelists of the 80s) in a kilt instead. Love says his guest is brother Rodney and we get an outstanding Piper impression as Love plays both host and guest. This doesn’t last long so Love brings out the real guest: loudmouthed talk show host Morton Downey Jr. who was a forerunner to Jerry Springer and chain smoked (cigarettes, which Gorilla calls weed).

After a few insults from Downey, here’s the real Piper to wake the fans up. Piper starts asking Love questions but won’t let him answer because he didn’t want to know that badly. He makes fun of Love’s red face but Love stands up to him. Love: “You can’t scare me!” Piper: “WAH!” Guess what happens. Piper brings up all the gifts that DiBiase has given Love and thinks Love is wearing a fake Rolex. Downey throws cigarettes at Piper as Roddy asks if Love is any part Scottish. If he is, there shouldn’t be anything under that dress.

They argue over who is wearing a dress and who is wearing a kilt with Piper threatening to bite Love’s face off if Love touches Piper’s kilt. Piper rips Love’s kilt off to reveal red underwear and Love bails. So it’s just Piper vs. Downey now and Morton starts blowing smoke in Piper’s face, which Piper doesn’t approve of. Piper asks why Morton Downey Jr.’s father isn’t named Morton Downey so Morton implies he slept with Piper’s mother. Apparently Morton used to have a bunch of warts on his face but he gave them to a homeless warthog. Piper: “I didn’t know your girlfriend was homeless.”

Downey does his ZIP IT catchphrase and they just keep going. Fan: “THIS IS STUPID!” Downey thinks Piper is a transvestite and blows even more smoke. He says it’s healthy and that Piper could live as long as Downey could (Downey would eventually die of lung cancer). Piper asks for a cigarette of his own but instead sprays Downey with a fire extinguisher. This ran nearly SIXTEEN MINUTES or longer than any Wrestlemania match to date. It’s also aged horribly as Downey’s show would be canceled by the end of the summer.

Preview of Hulk Hogan’s cult classic movie No Holds Barred.

Donald Trump thinks this has been a great event for the Trump Organization and that the casinos have been doing very well. Sean Mooney sounds incredibly nervous here.

Jesse is LIVID that Hogan is invading Hollywood. He’s so mad that he looks at the wrong camera when he starts ranting about how scared Hogan is of Savage. Hogan can drive Jesse’s limo in Hollywood and Jesse storms off, only to return about ten seconds later.

We’re in intermission if that’s not clear.

Long recap of the Mega Powers forming and splitting to get us to the main event. Like I said, Hogan was taking a bit too much of the spotlight, including getting the win at Survivor Series after Savage did most of the work. It was finally too much for Savage and he snapped to set up the Mega Powers exploding.

Hogan can’t believe we’re here just a year after it all started. He should have been able to see it coming though as Savage just wasn’t ready to handle the pressure. Savage made Hogan believe that he believed in Hogan’s demandments (train, say your prayers and eat your vitamins) and that he was in Hogan’s corner. That line right there sums up why Savage is pretty justified: why should the WWF World Champion be in Hogan’s corner and have to follow Hogan’s rules? As I said for Wrestlemania III: Hogan only has himself to blame for so many of his problems.

Hogan isn’t done yet as he talks about Trump sending a team of scientists to check the arena’s foundation because the people in the building might be swallowed by the earth. What is up with Hogan worrying about the world falling apart whenever he’s in Trump Plaza? That’s two years in a row now. Anyway, he wants Savage at his best and promises to take the title back.

Jake Roberts vs. Andre the Giant

Big John Studd returned around the beginning of the year and is guest referee here. As you can probably guess, Andre’s career hasn’t done so well lately as his mounting injuries have pretty much rendered him to limited appearances and little more. The idea here is Andre is terrified of snakes, much like so many of Jake’s opponents. That’s rather evil of Jake but we’ve already established that heroes can be horrible people in the world of wrestling.

Andre jumps Jake to start and sends him face first into an exposed buckle, which lost its padding somewhere during the entrances. Somehow being sent into the exposed buckle by ANDRE THE GIANT doesn’t even knock Jake to the mat. Jesse thinks Jake is cunning but he’s in there with a giant. Gorilla: “Didn’t you ever hear the story of David?” Jesse: “Sure. He used a foreign object.” Point to Ventura. Andre gets him into the corner and crushes him with the power of fat.

Heenan yells insults as Andre stands on Jake’s chest. Jake slugs away and knocks Andre into the ropes for the tie up but Heenan gets the Giant’s arm’s loose for some choking. Andre tries a shoulder in the corner but “catches a short knee” and staggers backwards, even though Jake never moved his leg. To this day I’m still not sure what happened there. A big chest bump knocks Jake to the floor but Studd won’t let him bring the snake inside. Andre and Studd get in a fight and here’s DiBiase to steal the snake, triggering their feud. Jake chases him off as Andre chokes Studd and that’s a DQ at 9:40.

Rating: D. These matches are feeling longer and longer, even if it’s a bigger match like this one. Jake was an act that people never got tired of, even if he was eternally stuck in the midcard. Andre was into sad territory here as he could barely move and was really just shouting and using his fat instead of doing anything of value.

Jake catches DiBiase and brings in the snake to clear the ring.

Sean Mooney gives us a worthless report from the cheap seats.

Sensational Sherri is going to take the Women’s Title back from Rockin Robin and hopes Elizabeth gets hurt in the main event. That’s just evil.

Honky Tonk Man/Greg Valentine vs. Hart Foundation

Honky Tonk, now firmly down the card after losing the Intercontinental Title at the first Summerslam, gets beaten up by Hart to open things up. Valentine comes in and gets dropkicked as well, followed by Neidhart’s slingshot shoulder for two. It’s back to Bret who walks into a backbreaker as the bad guys finally over. A kind of fireman’s carry suplex and some elbows from Honky Tonk have Bret in trouble as Jesse calls Pat Patterson a relic of the past.

There’s the Shake Rattle and Roll but it’s off to Valentine for the Figure Four instead of a cover. Bret easily breaks out of the hold and cross bodies Honky Tonk, only to fall out to the floor. Back in and Bret loads up an O’Connor roll on Greg but runs over for the tag to Neidhart instead of covering. That’s rather smart and something you would only expect from someone like Bret. The Harts take over and Bret starts with the prototype of the Five Moves of Doom. Everything breaks down and Neidhart throws in Jimmy’s megaphone for a shot to Honky Tonk’s shoulder for the pin at 7:39.

Rating: C. Totally meaningless filler match here but at least it wasn’t bad for a change. The Harts were still finding their groove as a face team, including not blatant cheating with foreign objects to beat a thrown together team like this. We’ll be seeing Valentine and Honky Tonk together as an actual team later on.

We recap Ultimate Warrior vs. Rick Rude, which started in a pose down at the Royal Rumble. Rude was about to lose so he attacked Warrior with an exercise bar. Warrior wasn’t pleased and this is the result.

Intercontinental Title: Ultimate Warrior vs. Rick Rude

Warrior won the title at Summerslam in a big surprise and has been dominant ever since. Rude tries to jump him at the bell but his knee hits Warrior’s belt. To be fair, Rude didn’t get smart until he went to WCW. Warrior LAUNCHES him across the ring over and over before throwing on a bearhug. Some fingers to the eyes break the hold and Rude comes off the top with a missile dropkick of all things for two.

Warrior comes right back with another bearhug and the referee is even nice enough to stop Rude from poking the eyes again. Rude gets out off something we missed because the camera was on Heenan and a piledriver gets a very delayed cover. The kickout is a lot weaker this time and Rude follows up with a jawbreaker.

Rude cranks on both arms at once but Warrior makes the ropes and shoves Rude away. The champ throws him into the corner a few times but misses a splash. He’s still able to break up the Rude Awakening though and Rude is in trouble. Warrior knocks him to the floor for a suplex but Heenan trips Warrior up so Rude falls on top, leaving Bobby to hold the foot down to give Rick the pin and the title at 9:41. That’s Warrior’s first loss and somehow that’s Heenan’s first title as a manager in the WWF.

Rating: B. This was a pairing that never made sense as neither guy was known as the best in ring performer on their own but they meshed together very well and produced some good stuff. Rude was still goofy and Warrior was still insane so this was a major upset and big surprise all around. Good match too.

Warrior beats Heenan up because he’s a sore loser.

Bad News Brown vs. Jim Duggan

Just a brawl here. Duggan slugs away to start and clotheslines Brown out to the floor. Back in and it’s Brown’s turn to hammer on Duggan but the shots to the head have no effect on Jim. The Ghetto Blaster misses though and Brown rolls outside to grab a chair. Duggan gets his 2×4 and it’s a double DQ at 3:45.

Rating: D. This could have been fun if it wasn’t at Wrestlemania. Instead it’s yet another way to fill in time before the match on the show that everyone wanted to see. Thankfully they kept this short but that doesn’t mean it has any business actually taking place. Bad stuff here that could have been a fun garbage brawl.

Duggan hits him with the 2×4 to send Brown staggering away. The announcement of the double DQ crushes the crowd all over again.

Red Rooster can’t wait to beat up Bobby Heenan and it’s going to be a great day in the barnyard. The idea is Rooster is a walking chicken who used to be managed by Heenan. Bobby said he could take anyone to success, even someone as untalented as Rooster. I think you can piece the rest together yourself.

Red Rooster vs. Bobby Heenan

Heenan can barely walk after the beating from Warrior. Right hands, Heenan misses a charge and hits the post, Rooster pins him in 30 seconds.

Post match the Brooklyn Brawler comes in but gets beaten up by Rooster. This is really the last match before the main event at WRESTLEMANIA.

Elizabeth says she’ll be in a neutral corner for the main event. All she hopes is that neither man is injured.

Tony Schiavone says the locker room has all gone into the arena to watch the match.

Sean Mooney polls fans on who is going to win. My goodness ENOUGH FILLER ALREADY.

WWF World Title: Randy Savage vs. Hulk Hogan

Savage is defending and comes out first. Elizabeth gets her own entrance. Jesse sums it up very well by saying “This is truly what the term main event was invented for. This is the MAIN EVENT.” Savage bails to start and poses on the corner. Hogan easily shoves him down and it’s time to stall some more.

The announcers get into a heated argument over how important Elizabeth really is until Hogan shoulders Savage to the floor where he hides behind Elizabeth. Jesse: “With what Elizabeth has pulled, a punch in the nose might be what she needs.” Back in and Hogan gets technical (huh???) to take Savage down into a front facelock. Some right hands are more Hogan’s style but Savage snaps him throat first across the top rope for two.

We hit the armbar from the champ but Hogan fights up and uses the trunks to pull Savage to the floor. Back in and Hogan drops a bunch of elbows for two but Savage pulls him into a chinlock. Hulk has a cut over his eye and Savage knees him into the buckle for two, even with a handful of trunks. Hogan fights up again and just slams Savage over the top to the floor.

Randy wants nothing to do with Elizabeth’s help so he pulls Hogan to the floor and posts him. Now Elizabeth goes to check on Hogan and gets ejected to make it one on one. Savage ax handles Hogan throat first into the barricade followed by a knee drop for two. With that not working, Savage just chokes him down instead. The top rope elbow gets two and it’s time to Hulk Up. The three punches set up the big boot and the legdrop to give Hogan the title back at 17:54.

Rating: B. It’s a good match but there was no way they were going to be able to live up to the hype they had created for this. This was one of the biggest matches of all time and there was really no way they could get much higher than they did here. I can accept Hogan winning for the safe move and the good feeling, but can you imagine if Savage had cheated to win (maybe involving Elizabeth somehow) and kept the title until Summerslam? Still though, I understand why they did this as it wasn’t exactly a time when heels could get the last laugh of a major show.

A lot of posing and raving from Jesse take us out.

Overall Rating: D-. This is by far the worst Wrestlemania to date and in the running for the worst of all time. I understand the idea of a one match card but they weren’t even trying to do anything more than fill in time. Look at some of these matches and tell me which ones deserved to be on here aside from the main event. You have Andre vs. Roberts, the Intercontinental Title and Tag Team Title matches, and maybe the Brainbusters vs. Strike Force.

In other words, about two thirds of this show ranges from worthless to not needing to be on the card. The main event is good but there’s no way they could make up for the disaster that was the rest of the show. It’s way too long, not any good most of the time, and a show that only needed to be about one match. Throw in the WAY too long Piper segment and this was a disaster. Absolutely horrible show.

Ratings Comparison

Hercules vs. King Haku

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D+

Twin Towers vs. Rockers

Original: C

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C+

Brutus Beefcake vs. Ted DiBiase

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D+

Bushwhackers vs. Fabulous Rougeau Brothers

Original: D-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D-

Mr. Perfect vs. Blue Blazer

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C+

Demolition vs. Powers of Pain/Mr. Fuji

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Dino Bravo vs. Ronnie Garvin

Original: F

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Brain Busters vs. Strike Force

Original: B-

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: C+

Jake Roberts vs. Andre the Giant

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Hart Foundation vs. Honky Tonk Man/Greg Valentine

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: C

Rick Rude vs. Ultimate Warrior

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Jim Duggan vs. Bad News Brown

Original: F

2013 Redo: D-

2015 Redo: D

Red Rooster vs. Brooklyn Brawler

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Savage

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D-

It just keeps getting worse.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/12/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-5-hogan-vs-savage-and-thats-about-it/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/14/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-v-the-first-wrestlemania-sequel/

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania IV
Date: March 27, 1988
Location: Trump Plaza, Atlantic City, New Jersey
Attendance: 18,165
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura

DiBiase’s master plan isn’t over yet and we’ll be seeing it put into effect as the night goes on. However, the tournament plans have been drastically changed since they were originally put together. We’ll take a look at what was changed and why as we move on but you should be able to figure most of it out already. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a bit more modern this year as it’s a slot machine spitting out coins followed by the Wrestlemania IV logo. It’s very fitting in Atlantic City and a nice change of pace from the basic yet effective openings of the previous shows.

The roof has these really cool blue and red stripes as their main design. I always thought those looked awesome.

Gene brings out Gladys Knight to sing America the Beautiful. I’m not entirely sure why she’s covered in patches and looks like she has about a dozen sponsors but I’ve seen stranger things.

Bob Uecker is here again and is doing commentary on the first match. He’s probably the best celebrity commentator they’ve ever had so I have no issue with this.

Battle Royal

Bret Hart, Jim Neidhart, Jim Powers, Paul Roma, Sika, Danny Davis, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Bad News Brown, Sam Houston, Jacques Rougeau, Raymond Rougeau, Ken Patera, Ron Bass, Junkyard Dog, Nikolai Volkoff, Boris Zhukov, Hillbilly Jim, King Harley Race, George Steele

The winner gets a big trophy and you really should be able to see where this is going from here. Powers and Roma (the Young Stallions) are another pretty boy tag team, Sika is a Samoan, Brown is a tough guy and a legitimate bronze medalist in judo (never mentioned on screen), Houston is a cowboy, Patera is a strongman, Bass is an evil cowboy and Volkoff and Zhukov (the Bolsheviks) are evil Russians. Steele starts on the floor and never actually gets in so it’s not really clear if he’s eliminated or not.

Uecker is on commentary for this one and mentions that Vince McMahon called to ask if he wanted to be on the show. That’s not something you would expect to hear as Vince was just a commentator at this point. Houston, a smaller guy, is quickly put out and Sika, a much bigger guy, is gone soon after.

The fans go nuts at the prospect of Davis getting tossed. It’s rather impressive that he’s hung around so long with such a simple gimmick and so little skill. Steele pulls Neidhart to the floor and both Bees and Raymond Rougeau are quickly eliminated as well. Some cops walk in front of the first row as Dog eliminates Bass. Zhukov and others dump Hillbilly and Powers tosses Davis to the biggest pop of his career. Powers is eliminated a few seconds later and the ring is really clearing out.

Race and Dog go at it again and there go Nikolai and Patera. Jacques is eliminated a few seconds alter and we’re down to Hart, Roma, Race, Dog and Brown. Dog punches Race out almost immediately and Brown backdrops Roma to get us down to three. Brown hits Hart by mistake and the all fours headbutts have them in trouble. The villains take over with some double teaming and quickly toss the Dog. An agreement seems to have been reached but Brown gives him the Ghetto Blaster (enziguri) and tosses Hart for the win at 9:45.

Rating: D. This was a rather lame battle royal with almost no drama but it did accomplish a major goal by turning Bret face for the first time in his career. Neidhart would follow him to the good side soon enough and the Hart Foundation would become a force in the division all over again. Brown would soon feud with the new World Champion for a bit in some really good matches. I wouldn’t want to spoil the new champion for you though, in case you somehow haven’t heard about it in the last twenty seven years or so.

Brown comes back in for the trophy presentation but Bret jumps him from behind and destroys the trophy.

The Fink goes over the tournament rules but Gorilla and Jesse talk over him. They quiet down for a celebrity moment though as Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous’ Robin Leech reads a proclamation about the tournament, which basically says “we’re having a tournament.”

Here are the brackets:

Hulk Hogan

BYE

Andre the Giant

BYE

Jim Duggan

Ted DiBiase

Don Muraco

Dino Bravo

Greg Valentine

Ricky Steamboat

Randy Savage

Butch Reed

One Man Gang

Bam Bam Bigelow

Jake Roberts

Rick Rude

WWF World Title Tournament First Round: Jim Duggan vs. Ted DiBiase

DiBiase has bodyguard Virgil and Andre with him. Ted hides in the corner to start but Duggan fires off some right hands to take over. A big atomic drop sends DiBiase over the top and out to the floor with one of DiBiase’s perfect bounces. He’s known as a technician but he can tumble around very well. Back in and Duggan pounds away in the corner but he charges into a boot to give Ted his first control.

A sunset flip gets two for Duggan and Jesse freaks out that he knows a wrestling move. Duggan pounds him into the corner again and a slam looks to set up the Three Point Clothesline but Andre grabs his foot. The distraction lets DiBiase get in a knee to the back for the pin at 5:02. The replay shows Andre punching Duggan as well with the referee looking right at him. It would seem that DiBiase has bought off another one. Or that they screwed up and no one noticed.

Rating: C-. This is going to be a running problem tonight. These matches could be good but you can’t do much when you have so little time to work with. Five minutes is enough for a squash but you need more if you want to see something competitive. Duggan and DiBiase had some awesome matches in Mid-South but they were far different people at this point.

Brutus Beefcake threatens to cut Honky Tonk Man’s hair tonight after he takes the Intercontinental Title. Honky Tonk stole the belt from Steamboat just a few months after Wrestlemania III and has held it ever since.

WWF World Title Tournament First Round: Don Muraco vs. Dino Bravo

Bravo has Frenchy Martin with him while Muraco, now a good guy, has former WWF World Champion Billy Graham in his corner. Power vs. power here with Bravo taking him into the corner for some big right hands. Muraco comes back with a slam but is totally out of position for what looked like a Vader Bomb, meaning he has to just land next to Bravo and then cover him. A gutwrench suplex gets two for Bravo but he misses a knee in the corner to give Muraco a target.

Don starts working on the leg but gets kicked away so hard that his neck gets tied up in the ropes. Bravo follows up on the neck with a piledriver (Muraco’s move, though Muraco uses a tombstone) for two, followed by a double clothesline to put both of them down. Muraco takes over so Bravo pulls the referee in the way of a flying forearm for the DQ at 4:54.

Rating: D. Lame match here with an even lamer ending. They really needed to protect Dino Bravo in a World Title tournament at Wrestlemania? You can’t have him take a rollup loss to a former Intercontinental Champion? The ending didn’t do it any favors either and the whole thing was just messy. It could have been worse though.

Uecker, who will mainly be a backstage interviewer tonight, is looking for Vanna White but finds Honky Tonk Man and Jimmy Hart instead. A few barbs are exchanged about Uecker’s abysmal batting average and Uecker thinks it might be time for some haircuts. Honky Tonk threatens to backstroke up the Mississippi. Wouldn’t that mess with his hair?

WWF World Title Tournament First Round: Ricky Steamboat vs. Greg Valentine

Ricky has his son with him, who would wind up being Richie Steamboat in the early days of NXT. Steamboat runs the ropes to start and armdrags Valentine into an armbar as he is known to do. Some chops get two for the Dragon and he skins the cat before dropkicking Valentine in the back. In a rare botch, Ricky isn’t in the right place to roll Valentine up and has to cover him for two instead. Everyone can make a mistake every and then but it’s so strange to see it from Steamboat.

Valentine pulls Steamboat off the ropes for a big crash, giving me one of my all time favorite exchanges between Gorilla and Jesse. Gorilla: “Right on the back of the head! Right on the external occipital protuberance area!” Jesse: “The WHAT?” Gorilla: “That little bump on the back of your head.” Ricky flips out of a belly to back suplex and puts on another armbar. Greg gets back up with a big clothesline to knock Steamboat down. Gorilla: “Right on the external occipital protuberance. We talked about that Jess.” Jesse: “Ok. Back of the head for all your normal people out there.”

They slug it out as Jesse finally points out Donald Trump in the front row. Valentine can’t hook the Figure Four and Steamboat wins a slugout. Greg’s top rope chop sets up the Figure Four but Steamboat chops his way out again. Now it’s Ricky with a top rope chop to the head for two. After shoving the referee in a rare angry moment, Steamboat goes up for the cross body but Valentine rolls through for the clean pin at 9:11.

Rating: B-. Match of the night by far and while a lot of that is due to the talent in the ring, a lot of it is also due to the extra time they had. It let them build up a match instead of just getting all their stuff in, which is only a good thing when you have guys like these two out there. This would be it for Steamboat in the WWF as he headed back to the NWA after some time off.

The British Bulldogs have Matilda back after the Islanders (Heenan’s team) dognapped her. Dynamite says that Matilda has been trained for a weasel hunt (Bobby was known as the Weasel) and Koko B. Ware can’t wait for the six man tag tonight. Does this sound familiar to anyone else?

Bobby Heenan receives a package and actually TIPS THE DELIVERYMAN! Someone get him to a doctor!

WWF World Title Tournament First Round: Randy Savage vs. Butch Reed

Savage, now a full on face and the second most popular act in the company, and Elizabeth are in matching blue outfits. Reed shoves Savage down as the announcers debate whether or not Gorilla would buy a used car from Slick. Savage can’t suplex the bigger Reed so Butch suplexes him instead, followed by a hard elbow to the face. Savage’s elbows have little effect as Reed drops him again, only to spend WAY too much time yelling at Elizabeth as he goes up. Butch gets slammed down, setting up the flying elbow for the pin at 4:09.

Rating: D+. This did exactly what it was supposed to do as Savage is going to have a deep run in this thing so giving him a relatively easy first round match made sense. Reed was fine in this role as a power guy who posed a bit of a threat but ultimately had no chance. This would be his last match for the WWF before he headed for the NWA as well.

Heenan isn’t worried about the British Bulldogs or that mutt Matilda because he has the Islanders and a surprise to back it up. Uecker is offended and won’t speak at their outrigger dinner.

WWF World Title Tournament First Round: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. One Man Gang

Two monsters here as Gang is a big biker with Slick as his manager and Bigelow is a slightly smaller (6’4, 393lbs) guy who can fly around amazingly well for someone his size. He also has Oliver Humperdink (a pretty low level yet very colorful manager) in his corner. Gang jumps him from behind and splashes Bigelow in the corner as Monsoon talks about wrestling at 440lbs. Jesse is stunned and wants to hear about Monsoon’s diet back then in a funny bit that only the two of them could pull off.

Bigelow makes a quick comeback and hits a pair of headbutts, only to have Slick pull the rope down to send Bigelow outside, drawing a countout at 2:55. You would think that Bigelow being on the apron for about seven of those counts and having one foot in the ring at ten would be enough to save him but not quite. This was it for Bigelow for all intents and purposes as he needed knee surgery and would also be in the NWA by the end of the year.

Gene is in the back with Hogan, who talks about his rematch with Andre. After saying about what you would expect him to say, Hogan goes into a bizarre rant about slamming Andre and breaking America off from the fault line and causing everyone to fall into the ocean. Now things get even more insane and it has to be quoted for posterity’s sake if nothing else:

“So will Donald Trump and all the Hulkamaniacs. But as Donald Trump hangs on to the top of the Trump Plaza with his family under his other arm, as they sink to the bottom of the sea, THANK GOD Donald Trump’s a Hulkamaniac. He’ll know enough to let go of his materialistic possessions, hang on to the wife and kids, dog paddle with his life all the way to safety. But Donald, if somehow you run out of gas, and all those little Hulkamaniacs run out of gas, just hang onto the largest back in the world and I’ll dog paddle us, backstroke all of us to safety.”

So to recap:

1. Hulk Hogan basically just declared himself Jesus.

2. Wouldn’t everyone on his back drown is he backstrokes through the ocean?

3. What’s with the referencing to backstroking tonight?

4. Gene’s face during Hogan’s speech is bordering on terror as he tries not to let his jaw hang open and/or ask what on earth Hogan is talking about.

WWF World Title Tournament First Round: Rick Rude vs. Jake Roberts

These two would be about to start an awesome feud due to Rude trying to hit on Jake’s wife. Rude, with Heenan in his corner, is still a goofy ladies man here but he could be a heavy hitter when he needed to be. Feeling out process to start until Jake scores with some slams to send Rude into the corner. Jake starts cranking on the arm and even holds it when Rude punches him to the mat for a unique visual.

The wristlock stays on as they hit the mat, which sounds like the calling card of the fifteen minute time limit draw. Back up and a knee lift looks to set up the DDT but Rude bails to the floor. More stalling ensues until Jake slams him again but he misses another knee lift and crashes to the mat. The hip swivel and an elbow drop get a VERY slow two for Rude and we hit the chinlock. They’re not even hiding the impending draw. Even Jesse is wondering why Rude is doing something like this with such a short time limit.

Rude elbows him down for two and we hit yet another chinlock. Jake fights up with a belly to back suplex and Rude STILL won’t let go of the hold. Some stomps set up the fifth chinlock of the match and Jake looks asleep. The fans are loudly booing this until Jake finally escapes with a jawbreaker. It’s a remarkable improvement for the fans as they go from booing to just silent instead. Jake starts his comeback with a short clothesline but the DDT is broken up. A double clothesline makes the fans audibly groan. Rude is up first and grabs a rollup with his feet on the ropes but the bell rings for the draw at 15:13 (eh close enough).

Rating: F. Absolutely awful here as over five minutes of the match was spent in a chinlock. It’s easy to have a fifteen minute match go to a draw without boring the fans to death but they didn’t even try here. I know you don’t want to do another countout after the previous one, but what about a double DQ that eats up half the time or something like that? This was awful and just a way to waste time.

Here are the updated brackets:

Hulk Hogan

Andre the Giant

Ted DiBiase

Don Muraco

Greg Valentine

Ricky Steamboat

One Man Gang

BYE

Gene is with Vanna White (of Wheel of Fortune) but she’s never heard of Bob Uecker. They give us a quick preview of the second round and praise Hogan a bit. Vanna likes Elizabeth as “a woman person” behind Savage. White may not have been a huge wrestling fan but she knew how to have a great smile and a lot of charisma here. As I said earlier: it helps when they sound like they want to be here and Vanna seemed like she was having a good time.

Ultimate Warrior vs. Hercules

Warrior is relatively new (he debuted in October) and this is just a power vs. power match. They shove each other around to start until Warrior takes him into the corner for some hard chops. This is before Warrior had figured out the formula that made him a star so this is quite a different style. Hercules needs three clotheslines to put Rude down but Warrior pops up because they’re just clotheslines.

Ever the villain, Jesse suggests that Hercules choke Warrior out with the tassels on Warrior’s arms. It’s not a bad idea actually. They slug it out and don’t seem to know where to go next. I can understand that from Warrior but Hercules is a veteran at this point. An atomic drop puts Warrior down out of the corner and Heenan says slap it on him. There’s the full nelson but Warrior climbs the turnbuckles and falls backwards onto Hercules, raising his shoulder up for the pin at 4:36.

Rating: D. See, as boring as this one was, at least they kept it short and you had Warrior being all insane (character insane as opposed to real life insane) to keep things active. Like I said, this is completely different than the normal Warrior style and it was interesting to see something out of the ordinary.

Hercules comes in with the chain but Warrior takes it away and swings it around to clean house.

We see some Wrestlemania IV merchandise as we’re in an intermission.

Boxing legend Sugar Ray Leonard is here.

Long recap of Andre vs. Hogan, including the build up to Wrestlemania III, DiBiase paying Andre to bring him the title and the Main Event match which set up the tournament.

WWF World Title Tournament Quarterfinals: Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant

Andre has DiBiase and Virgil with him. Hogan charges right at the Giant but Andre is ready for him with a bunch of right hands. Some running forearms have Andre staggered and Hulk rams him into DiBiase for good measure. Andre gets tied up in the ropes but Hogan walks around forever, allowing DiBiase and Virgil to get Andre loose.

Even more right hands drop Andre and three straight elbows get two, only to have Andre grab Hogan by the throat to break up the cover. Andre sits on Hogan because he doesn’t like to make his offense that complicated. We hit the trapezius hold from the Giant but Hulk pops up with more right hands. A Virgil distraction lets DiBiase sneak in with a chair but Hogan takes it away and hits Andre. The Giant takes the chair and hits Hogan with it….and that’s a double DQ at 5:23.

Rating: D. Yeah the match sucked but my goodness how in the world do you call that a double DQ? Hogan hit him first and the referee was looking right at him but for some reason both guys are out. That sounds about as cut and dry as you can get but tournaments can cause some screwy results.

Hogan slams Andre and poses even though he’s out of the tournament. DiBiase runs and throws Virgil at Hogan to take the beating in the aisle. Gorilla turns into Yoda and says that “neither one of these men will be entitled to wear the belt of the champion.” As the posing ensues, Jesse thinks this was all part of the master plan. That’s because Jesse was one of the smartest commentators ever and gets common sense while Gorilla was a glorified Hogan fan. This goes on for WAY too long and feels like the end of the show while Jesse says we’ll know who the real greatest is in another hour.

Savage, now in pink to match Elizabeth again, says no one has ever defeated Hogan. Now that he’s out though, he’s going to make sure that the other half of the Mega Powers goes all the way.

WWF World Title Tournament Quarterfinals: Don Muraco vs. Ted DiBiase

The winner goes to the finals due to the double DQ. Muraco reaches through the ropes to get DiBiase (alone here) as the bell rings and Jesse freaks out because it’s not fair to Ted. Again, totally correct but Gorilla ignores him. A powerslam and a middle rope elbow get two each for Muraco so DiBiase rolls outside. That’s even worse as he has to run from Graham and his cane. Back in and DiBiase sends him hard into the buckle to set up some choking. That sweet falling fist drop gets two for DiBiase but he misses an elbow. Back up and Muraco charges into a stun gun to send DiBiase to the finals at 5:35.

Rating: D+. I find it interesting that DiBiase has won his first two matches without using his finishing hold. It’s always cool to see them mix things up like that instead of doing the same stuff over and over again. Muraco was a good choice to put DiBiase over here and the match was fine enough. Not good but fine.

Demolition says they’re going to hit Strike Force over the head with baseball bats to win the Tag Team Titles. Uecker is rightfully freaked out.

One Man Gang’s second round bye is announced to the crowd.

WWF World Title Tournament Quarterfinals: Greg Valentine vs. Randy Savage

This should be good. Savage goes for a quick rollup but Greg goes up top and drops a forearm to the back for two. Donald Trump is still in the front row and seems to actually be enjoying himself. They fight to the floor with Greg chopping even more, followed by some heavy elbows to the chest. Back in and Valentine starts in on the leg but opts for a suplex instead. Savage suddenly goes nuts and hits the top rope ax handle. He tries for a second but gets punched out of the air. Valentine can’t follow up but avoids a charge against the ropes. The Figure Four is countered into a small package and Savage advances at 6:07.

Rating: D. Quite the disappointing match here as you would expect far better chemistry from these two. Valentine barely touched the leg and was just going with the big forearms and elbows, which were normally only about half of his offense. Savage had one burst of offense and then won in the end on a fluke again, which is pretty standard for him. Not a good match here, which is a really bit surprise.

Here are the updated brackets:

Ted DiBiase

BYE

One Man Gang

Randy Savage

Vanna and Gene talk about the upcoming matches.

Intercontinental Title: Honky Tonk Man vs. Brutus Beefcake

This is one of Beefcake’s 283 or so shots at the titles over the year. Honky Tonk now has his girlfriend Peggy Sue with him (Sherri Martel as a dancing 50s girl). Jesse says he’s playing piano during Honky Tonk’s music. Unfortunately Beefcake doesn’t have his awesome music yet. The champ stalls forever so Jesse says hi to Terri, Tyrel and Jade (his wife and kids) back in Minneapolis as was his custom. A big atomic drop gives us the Honky Tonk selling and a right hand sends him outside.

Back in and Beefcake motions for a haircut before he sends Honky Tonk into the buckle over and over. Brutus finally misses a big elbow to give Honky Tonk an opening for his variety of stomping. Some choking looks to set up the Shake Rattle and Roll but the champ lets go. Jimmy Hart is confused but it turns out that they needed to move closer to the ropes so Brutus could block. I guess this is before backdrops were invented.

Beefcake grabs the sleeper but Hart knocks the referee cold with the megaphone. Instead of waking up the referee (why does that almost never happen?), Brutus goes for the scissors and cuts Jimmy’s hair instead. No one can wake Honky Tonk up so Peggy pours water over his face. Brutus tries to bring in the hedge clippers and the match is thrown out at somewhere around 6:00.

Rating: D. Another lame match here as Honky Tonk was all about the heat from the crowd and couldn’t have a good match to save his life most of the time. That being said, it made him more valuable than most of the roster as the people would pay to see him get beaten up every night because there was no way he could survive one more day as champion. Keep that up for over a year and rake in the money until you have someone to shoot to the moon as the new champion. Beefcake was never going to be that guy but he was an awesome repeat challenger.

There’s another major point to talk about here. Remember how I said the tournament we got wasn’t the original plan? Well that’s because of Honky Tonk Man. The original plan here was to have Savage beat Honky Tonk Man for the title but Honky Tonk talked Vince out of it/threatened to jump to the NWA with the title (depending on who you ask) and his reign continued.

Instead Savage was plugged into the World Title tournament and gets the major push as a result. The original World Title tournament saw DiBiase’s master plan paying off with him beating an exhausted Hogan to win the title, (the original brackets were aired on TV before they were changed to this version) setting up Savage winning it at Summerslam and going forward with history from there.

Andre puts his massive hand on Uecker’s shoulder to scare him to death while explaining the master plan. All he was supposed to do was get Hogan out of the tournament and he did his job perfectly. He chokes Uecker for fun, bugging Bob’s eyes out in a semi-famous bit.

Islanders/Bobby Heenan vs. British Bulldogs/Koko B. Ware

We get to see what was inside Bobby’s delivery earlier: a dog handler’s outfit, which Jesse calls a stroke of genius. Dynamite hiptosses Haku (formerly King Tonga) and Tama down to start before catapulting Tama over the corner and out to the floor. Off to Haku to face Davey in the power vs. power match. Davey gets two off a crucifix and we hit the chinlock on Haku. You don’t often see a heel in one of those.

Haku comes back with an eye rake and forearms. Jesse: “Heenan is saving himself Gorilla.” Gorilla: “Yeah for the senior prom.” Dynamite finally charges into a kick in the corner and it’s off to Heenan for some stomps. Jesse describes him as looking like “A Chinaman” and the cook from Bonanza.

A single right hand to the ribs sends Bobby running and it’s off to Koko for some meaningless headbutts. Thankfully the Islanders don’t sell because they respect racial stereotypes and it’s back to Heenan to work on Koko some more. Ware sends him into the corner though and everything breaks down with the Islanders slamming Bobby onto Koko for the pin at 7:31.

Rating: D+. So this was basically the Heenan Family replacing the Hart Foundation from last year. Heenan was funnier than Davis though and it almost made for a more entertaining match, but that beating that Davis took last year was a thing of beauty. Still good enough here and Koko continues to be the man you get when you need a filler.

Jesse is presented to the crowd again in another rather pointless segment.

DiBiase’s bye into the finals is announced.

WWF World Title Tournament Semifinals: Randy Savage vs. One Man Gang

Elizabeth is in black to match Savage’s robe but his trunks are purple. Savage gets smart and grabs the beard to start and snaps Gang’s throat over the top rope. That’s it for Savage’s offense though as the much bigger Gang drives him into the corner to take over. Gang gets two off a slam but Savage gets his foot on the ropes.

The big splash misses though and Savage ax handles him to the floor. A top rope ax handle to the floor has Gang reeling but Savage tries a slam like a schnook and fails miserably. Elizabeth gets on the apron for no apparent reason and Slick throws in the cane. Gang misses every swing but it’s a DQ anyway at 4:35.

Rating: D. They were setting up a fine match until the lame ending. How do you disqualify someone for failing to cheat? Then again this is the same show where there was a countout when someone was halfway in the ring and a chair to the head somehow setting up a double DQ. Savage should have won this off a missed charge and a quick rollup or something but instead they went with some botched cheating.

Vanna has to go to ringside for the final and Uecker shows up just a few seconds late. Gene says Vanna has no idea who Uecker is but he says she’s sent him a ton of letters. “Yeah some guy named Vance White.” I really hope there’s a joke I’m not getting there because that’s really not funny.

Tag Team Titles: Demolition vs. Strike Force

Demolition is challenging and has Mr. Fuji in their corner. Strike Force is the sequel to the Can-Am Connection with Martel teaming up with Tito Santana to win the Tag Team Titles from the Hart Foundation back in the fall. Smash pounds Martel down to start and the other two come in as everything breaks down. A double clothesline gets two on Smash as the crowd is quiet, likely due to exhaustion at this point.

Tito armdrags Ax down and Martel hiptosses Smash down for good measure. Smash is still strong enough to catch a charging Santana in midair and carries him over to Ax for a clothesline in a kind of prototype Hart Attack. Jesse gives tips on double teaming as Smash gets two off a suplex. Tito finally scores with the flying forearm, which Jesse says he learned in the Mexican Football League. It’s finally off to Martel to clean house but the fans just do not care. Martel gets the Boston crab on Smash but Ax sneaks in with the cane (a must have for any heel manager) to knock Martel out and give Smash the pin at 8:03.

Rating: D+. The fans reacted to the title change but there wasn’t much else for them to care about. The match wasn’t bad but it took a lot of time to get to the ending as this show feels like it’s been going on forever. Demolition would go on to have the longest reign in the history of the titles so this was quite the historic change. Strike Force was an underrated team and I was hoping to see them get back in the title change but it would never come.

It’s FINALLY time for the main event with Uecker as the ring announcer and Vanna as the timekeeper. Robin Leech is also here to present the World Title belt to the winner. Uecker gets a kiss from Vanna to wrap up the show long story.

WWF World Title: Ted DiBiase vs. Randy Savage

DiBiase has Andre with him but Virgil is probably still in the hospital after that one suplex. The final matching outfit sees Savage and Elizabeth all in white which feels appropriate for some reason. Savage is rightfully freaked out (freaked out freaked out) by Andre, who grabs Randy’s foot to make it even worse. The fans, proving that they are in fact alive, chant for Hogan.

They fight over arm control until Ted’s sunset flip is broken up by a right hand to the face. Some elbows to the back of Savage’s head changes control again but a knee to the back sends DiBiase outside. Savage goes up but Andre stands in front of him and says jump. If Savage jumps at him and gets attacked doesn’t that mean a DQ, which could mean Savage wins the title? Leave the planning to DiBiase Giant. Savage realizes something must be done and sends Elizabeth off to the back for help.

As Ted cranks on a chinlock, we get the obvious return of Hogan who sits down in the corner to keep an eye on things. Andre goes after Savage again but Hogan runs over with a right hand to even things up again. A suplex gets two for Ted but he gets slammed off the top, only to have Savage miss the elbow. DiBiase slaps on the sleeper but the referee goes to yell at Andre. Hogan comes in (wearing cowboy boots of all things) and chairs DiBiase in the back, setting up the elbow to make Savage champion at 9:17.

Rating: C. The match was fine but it came at the end of a far too long show. In their defense, the fans went nuts when Savage won, despite the blatant cheating from Hogan. As usual, Hulk continues to be really evil under the surface but to his credit Savage didn’t see what Hogan did. Good enough match but it came too late in the night.

Savage, Hogan and Elizabeth celebrate in the ring to wrap up the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was LONG. The show felt like it went on for about nineteen days with so many worthless matches (Bravo vs. Muraco and Warrior vs. Hercules?) and stuff not getting enough time because we needed SIXTEEN MATCHES on one show. Savage winning the title was one of the two best options along with DiBiase so I can’t complain there, but this really needed to be cut down by an hour and minus about six matches. Or get a shorter ramp to cut down on the way too long entrances.

This is a show that really could have benefited from the modern pay per view style as there are regularly scheduled twenty minute matches on most pay per views. The problem here was you had all those matches, meaning a lot of entrances to eat up time. It made for a VERY long night and the show felt like it was never going to end. Do yourself a favor and watch the first Clash of the Champions, which aired on the same night and partially at the same time.

Ratings Comparison

Battle Royal

Original: C

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Ted DiBiase vs. Jim Duggan

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: C-

Don Muraco vs. Dino Bravo

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Greg Valentine vs. Ricky Steamboat

Original: C

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: B-

Randy Savage vs. Butch Reed

Original: D

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D+

One Man Gang vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Rick Rude vs. Jake Roberts

Original: D

2013 Redo: D-

2015 Redo: F

Ultimate Warrior vs. Hercules

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant

Original: C

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D

Ted DiBiase vs. Don Muraco

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: D+

Randy Savage vs. Greg Valentine

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: D

Brutus Beefcake vs. Honky Tonk Man

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Islanders/Bobby Heenan vs. British Bulldogs/Koko B. Ware

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: D+

Randy Savage vs. One Man Gang

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Demolition vs. Strike Force

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: D+

Randy Savage vs. Ted DiBiase

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: C

Overall Rating

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

I even got annoyed trying to write up the new ratings comparison. This show is that much of a mess.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/11/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-4-one-big-tournament-and-thats-it/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/13/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-iv-the-biggest-tournament-ever/

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania I
Date: March 31, 1985
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 19,121
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura

The first Wrestlemania is one of those shows that really doesn’t need an introduction. While it’s really just a very glorified house show, it was clear that there was something special about this show. This is the start of a new way of life in professional wrestling and everything is about to change. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a montage of shots of the matches tonight with the Wrestlemania logo in the middle. Not exactly high thinking stuff but it was a simpler time.

Gorilla (with more hair than you’ll ever see him have) welcomes us to the show and throws it to the Fink who introduces Gene Okerlund to sing the Star Spangled Banner. This is one of the only times it wouldn’t be America the Beautiful. The crowd joins in singing for a nice moment.

Tito Santana says he doesn’t know anything about the Executioner but no one is going to stop him from achieving his goals. Arriba!

The Executioner, a masked man better known as Playboy Buddy Rose (a big star in Portland Wrestling and the AWA who didn’t do much elsewhere), says he’s going after Tito’s leg. So much for secrecy.

Tito Santana vs. The Executioner

It’s a crisscross to start the first match in Wrestlemania history. Tito quickly fires him out to the floor, followed by a headlock takeover for two back inside. Executioner tries to hide in the corner but it’s not that hard to find someone in a big red mask three feet in front of Santana. Tito follows him in but takes a headbutt to the ribs to give Executioner control.

An awkward looking backdrop puts Tito down as there hasn’t been much of the promised leg work. Maybe Executioner is smarter than he seems and was lying to throw Tito off. Santana slams Executioner off the top but a splash hits knees and now it’s time for the leg. Tito easily kicks him to the floor though and the flying forearm sets up Tito’s Figure Four for the submission at 4:50.

Rating: D+. This was just a squash for Tito as he was trying to get the Intercontinental Title back. Executioner was one of the standard characters of the day who would show up, possibly be played by multiple people on different nights, and rarely win a match. All the announcers had to do was build the masked man up as a threat to the star and go to the match. It’s such a simple idea and that’s all it needed to be.

S.D. Jones, a self described music man, is more than ready for King Kong Bundy on the biggest show ever.

King Kong Bundy promises a splash and a five count.

King Kong Bundy vs. S.D. Jones

Bundy shoves him into the corner and hits a pair of splashes for the pin at 24 seconds. This is billed as nine seconds for a record but it takes nearly double that much time for the first splash to connect. To continue the lying, Bundy only got a three count. How can I ever trust someone like that?

Matt Borne, a pretty generic heel (I mean he wears sunglasses inside. How can he possibly be a good guy?), thinks Ricky Steamboat is just too nice of a guy and needs to get beaten up.

Steamboat says he’s ready but Okerlund talks over him to throw it back to the arena. That’s rather rude of him. Ricky was talking about developing his meanness, a goal he failed to achieve in spectacular fashion.

Matt Borne vs. Ricky Steamboat

Steamboat is a newcomer and in trunks instead of tights here. Feeling out process to start and a big chop puts Borne down. A headlock has Borne in trouble and a big atomic drop makes him gyrate a bit. The left handed Borne comes back with some shots to the ribs and a hard whip into the corner, only to have Steamboat come back with chops and another headlock. Ricky wins a slugout and drops a knee for two. Back up and the high cross body gives Steamboat the pin at 4:38.

Rating: D+. This could be subtitled “Hi, I’m Ricky Steamboat and I’m a good wrestler.” Borne could have been any other guy and the match would have been the same. Steamboat would take some time to get anywhere but he was one of the smoothest wrestlers of all time and always worth checking out.

As I mentioned earlier, this is really more of a house show than anything else as we haven’t had an important match so far and we’re about twenty five minutes in.

It should be noted that Lord Alfred Hayes is introducing the pre-match interviews (which are all pre-taped from earlier in the day). This time, Steamboat and Borne both have to made sudden shifts to avoid running into Hayes’ camera shot.

David Sammartino is ready to show that he’s not just his father’s son. Of course his father will be at ringside.

Johnny Valiant says his man Brutus Beefcake isn’t worried about the son of an overrated legend.

Brutus Beefcake vs. David Sammartino

They make no secret of the fact that this is little more than a way to have Bruno appear on the show. Bruno and Valiant are the seconds here and the match takes its sweet time to get going. David is in good shape but is a very boring looking wrestler. Brutus on the other hand has a great look but is very green at this point. It’s a slow start as Jesse thinks the loser will have his career set back six months to a year. They start slow with Brutus being sent out to the floor for a conference with Valiant.

Back in and David grabs a front facelock but gets countered into a headlock. David gets to his feet and takes Brutus down for a leg lock. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled with this one. Brutus fights up again and drops some heavy forearms followed by a powerslam. After more punishment it’s David fighting back and trying to look as much like his dad as he can. They fight to the floor and the managers get involved for the double DQ at 11:44.

Rating: D. So far this is the low mark in the history of Wrestlemania. That being said, it’s not so much bad as it is really dull. They were just doing basic moves to each other for about ten minutes until the older guys came in. At the end of the day, Bruno was the star here and David wasn’t very good. There isn’t much you can do to get around that and David never did.

Greg Valentine says he’s lost weight and is ready to defend the Intercontinental Title.

Junkyard Dog says he needs a bone to chew on and he’ll be able to afford a lot more once he wins that title.

Intercontinental Title: Junkyard Dog vs. Greg Valentine

Valentine is defending and the graphic says this is the Inter-Continental Title. Greg also has Jimmy Hart in his corner. Dog starts with some heavy headbutts and right hands, followed by more headbutts from all fours to put Valentine down in the corner. Back up and Valentine actually wins a test of strength (I didn’t see that one coming), setting up a wristlock.

Now we get more into Greg’s standard operating procedure as he drives knees into Dog’s hamstring and cranks on the leg. Back up and Dog limps around but is still able to fire off right hands and headbutts. You might say his offense is limited but that might be giving him too much credit. Jimmy Hart tries to get on the apron but Valentine hits him by mistake, only to grab a rollup for the pin on Dog with his feet on the ropes at 6:55.

Rating: D. Another dull match here but at least the fans were way behind Dog. The guy might not have been the most athletic or active wrestler in the world but there’s no denying his charisma and how much the fans got behind him. It was pretty sure that Valentine was going to be fighting Santana next so the ending was never in any real doubt here but at least it was short.

Speaking of Santana, he comes out to tell the referee about Valentine’s feet being on the ropes. The referee says restart it but Valentine walks out, earning Dog a countout win. That’s quite the meaningless change and the fans really don’t care.

Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff don’t like America and want to take the Tag Team Titles back to Iran and the USSR respectfully. Their manager Freddie Blassie agrees.

The Tag Team Champions the US Express (Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham with manager Lou Albano) don’t have much to say but they’re ready.

Tag Team Titles: US Express vs. Iron Sheik/Nikolai Volkoff

Volkoff and Sheik are challenging and Nikolai actually gets the full Soviet national anthem out before the champions hit the ring. The Express are heavy favorites here but Sheik shoulders Mike down to start. Some dropkicks mostly miss Sheik but he goes down anyway. That’s very nice of him. Maybe he isn’t as evil as he seems. Windham comes in with a top rope elbow to the head and the champs are in early control.

Rotundo is tagged back in to face Volkoff. Nikolai’s arm gets worked over in a hurry with both champions coming off the top rope and dropping down onto it. Sheik gets suplexed but Volkoff gets in a knee to the back to finally give the evil foreigners control. Back to Sheik who can’t keep Rotundo in trouble much longer, allowing Mike to dive over for the tag. Barry comes in with a bulldog for two but everything breaks down. In the melee, Sheik uses Blassie’s cane to knock Windham out cold for the pin and the titles at 6:56.

Rating: C-. This was just for the historical value and little more. Sheik and Volkoff getting the titles was a major surprise but they would drop them back to the Express just a few months later. They kept the formula simple here as the Express dominated until the very end where the villains cheated to take the belts. Quick and efficient here to give the show something historic.

Sheik and Volkoff say they’re the best in the world and Blassie denies having a cane.

The announcers talk for a bit as we’re in an intermission.

Big John Studd and Bobby Heenan have $15,000 in a bag (very impressive since you can see it’s mostly $1 bills) which they certainly won’t lose in the body slam match.

Andre the Giant vs. Big John Studd

This is Studd’s money vs. Andre’s career and you can only win by slamming your opponent. The Heenan Family jumped Andre and cut off his afro on Saturday Night’s Main Event to set this up. Studd goes right after Andre to start but the Giant will have none of it and chops Studd out to the floor. Back in and Andre lays on Studd in the corner, followed by a bearhug. The fans chant for a slam but they’re stuck with more slow non-action instead. Studd’s kick to the ample gut gets caught and Andre kicks at the free leg a few times, setting up the slam on Studd (in a pretty famous visual) at 5:54.

Rating: F+. I can’t say this is a full on failure as the fans loved the ending but the rest of the match was such a boring mess. Andre was barely able to move here and that bearhug ate up nearly a third of the entire match. Thankfully they kept this really short because I don’t want to imagine what they were going to do with even more time.

Heenan grabs the money and runs off but Andre doesn’t seem to mind.

In the back, Andre laughs off the idea of retiring.

Rock mega star Cyndi Lauper and Wendi Richter are ready for Richter’s rematch for the Women’s Title. Richter really doesn’t have the best voice so Lauper was the better choice for the talking.

Lelani Kai says she’s going to “come back to the dressing room with her hand in victor.”

Women’s Title: Lelani Kai vs. Wendi Richter

Now this is big. Richter, the challenger here, is the second most popular person in the company (yes probably more than Andre) but Kai stole the title with Moolah’s help. Moolah vs. Richter is still the big feud here as Richter has Lauper in her corner. Lauper would start feuding with Moolah and then moved on to Roddy Piper to really blow the doors open on this whole Rock and Wrestling Connection.

In a rather famous shot, Richter and Lauper run through the back on their way to the ring. That’s one of those clips you’ve probably seen in a history package or two over the years. Feeling out process to start with both of them trying a wristlock. A hammerlock has Kai in trouble and she taps but that won’t mean anything for about another ten years.

The champ works on a wristlock of her own and pulls Richter down by the hair. Back up and Kai charges into two boots in the corner to change control. Moolah tries to rip Richter’s hair out but Lauper goes over and drills her. Richter drills Kai with some forearms and a fireman’s carry slam (think a reverse Attitude Adjustment) for two. The champ grabs a backbreaker for two of her own but Wendi rolls through a high cross body (well mostly as she didn’t get all the way through so Kai had to lay there for a bit) for the pin and the title at 6:12.

Rating: D. The match was nothing to see but it was one of the most academic endings of all time. Richter getting the title back sent the fans through the roof and Lauper’s enthusiasm made it even better. Women’s wrestling was very different at this point and things would evolve quite a bit over the next few years. This would be the last big moment for Wendi though as she would get screwed out of the title in a legit shoot by Moolah about eight months later. Richter had a nasty contract dispute and the WWF pulled a screwjob to get the title off of her.

Richter and Lauper spin around in circles post match. They continue to be happy in the back after the match.

It’s time to introduce the celebrities for the main event, starting with the guest ring announcer Billy Martin, the multiple time manager of the New York Yankees. He introduces guest timekeeper Liberace, who comes out with the Rockettes for a little dancing. If this isn’t your taste in entertainment, Muhammad Ali is introduced as the guest referee for outside the ring. Ali gets by far the biggest reaction as a legend here in the Garden and around the world. Another boxer, Jose Torres, is in the front row.

Roddy Piper/Paul Orndorff vs. Mr. T./Hulk Hogan

This is the definition of the main event as it’s the biggest match on the show by leaps and bounds. The idea here is that Piper attacked Cyndi Lauper and friends when Lauper was being presented with an award. Hulk Hogan ran in for the save, setting up a showdown with Piper at the War to Settle the Score. The match resulted in a big brawl and Orndorff came in to help Piper. Mr. T. was in the front row and ran in to help his friend, setting up a huge brawl and this match.

Piper and Orndorff are played to the ring by the New York Pipe and Drum Corps but Hogan and Mr. T. come out to Eye of the Tiger from Rocky III. I’ll go with the good guys on this one. Piper and Orndorff will have Piper’s bodyguard Cowboy Bob Orton in their corner while Hogan and Mr. T. will have Jimmy Snuka. As Hogan and Mr. T. come through the back, Vince McMahon can be seen in the hallway. After all that, we’re FINALLY ready to go.

Orndorff has a broom for no apparent reason as Monsoon recaps everything and announces Pat Patterson as the inside referee. Hogan and Orndorff get things going as you would think they’re keeping the big attractions (Mr. T. in general and Hogan vs. Piper) back for a bit. Apparently not as Piper tags in before there’s any contact and Mr. T. demands to come in. They go nose to nose and slap each other in the face before going down to the mat for some amateur wrestling. The fans chant T. as you would expect them to.

Mr. T. picks him up for an airplane spin and slams Piper down, drawing everyone in for a huge brawl. Ali, Snuka and Orton get in with Piper getting right in Ali’s face. Amazingly enough it’s a REALLY STUPID IDEA to get in Muhammad Ali’s face as he swings at Piper, who is quick enough to get to the floor. Piper and Orndorff try to leave but the cops escort them back to the ring.

Back in and the villains are rammed into each other, leaving Hogan to drive Piper’s head into the mat. Mr. T. comes back in to help Hogan with a double big boot. Some hiptosses keep Piper and Orndorff in trouble and it’s back to Hogan for another boot which Piper out to the floor. Orndorff finally does something right as he knocks Hogan outside where Piper gets in a chair shot.

Ali breaks up any further cheating and it’s Hogan in trouble back inside. Mr. T. is dragged out of the ring, allowing a double atomic drop to keep Hogan in trouble. Piper comes back in for a knee lift for two, followed by a top rope elbow from Orndorff for the same. Orndorff isn’t as lucky the second time though as he misses a top rope knee, allowing for the hot tag off to Mr. T.

The villains quickly take Mr. T. down to the mat though and slaps on a front facelock. Monsoon criticizes Mr. T.’s technique in trying to escape but he gets out anyway and tags in Hogan as everything breaks down. Orton goes up top with for a shot with his cast but it hits Orndorff by mistake, giving Hogan the pin at 13:24.

Rating: C+. This is another match where the ending was obvious but it was all about the spectacle as we got there. Hogan was the megastar to end all megastars here and everything came off well. It’s not a great match or anything but it’s a lot of fun and that’s all it needed to be.

Piper decks Patterson and leaves. Orndorff wakes up and has no idea what happened but leaves without any violence.

We look back at the ending as everyone leaves.

Mr. T. says this is real and not for wimps. Hogan says that was what it was all about. Snuka says these men are his brothers. He would be gone soon after this.

Gorilla and Jesse wrap it up.

A package of stills from the show and the credits (a sign of the times) take us out.

Overall Rating: C-. Here’s the thing: this show isn’t very good. There are far worse cards out there, but this one is all about the history and atmosphere than anything else. To be fair, no one knew what this was going to be at the time and it blew away all the expectations. This felt like something special and that’s exactly what it was. It’s definitely a show that you have to see at some point in your life as a fan and you can feel the history. The show flies by and nothing feels long as only two matches break ten minutes. Not a great show, but one of the most important of all time.

Ratings Comparison

Tito Santana vs. Executioner

Original: C

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D+

King Kong Bundy vs. S.D. Jones

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Ricky Steamboat vs. Matt Borne

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

Brutus Beefcake vs. David Sammartino

Original: D-

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Junkyard Dog vs. Greg Valentine

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Nikolai Volkoff/Iron Sheik vs. US Express

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C-

Andre the Giant vs. Big John Studd

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: F+

Lelani Kai vs. Wendi Richter

Original: B

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Hulk Hogan/Mr. T. vs. Paul Orndorff/Roddy Piper

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: C-

Forgive me on the first version. It was literally the first review I’ve ever done so I actually didn’t know what I was doing yet.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/08/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-1-just-a-big-house-show/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/10/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-i-it-all-starts-with-a-tag-match/

 

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania III
Date: March 29, 1987
Location: Pontiac Silverdome, Pontiac, Michigan
Attendance: 93,173
Commentators: Jesse Ventura, Gorilla Monsoon

I’m not sure what else there is to say here. Wrestlemania III is one of those shows that you have probably seen before and if you haven’t then you probably know about it. Aside from the Hogan vs. Andre showdown, there’s the legendary and influential Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat match for the Intercontinental Title. Let’s get to it.

The wide shot of the stadium to open the show is still one of the best visuals in wrestling. This is what Wrestlemania is supposed to look like and it feels like one of the biggest events the company or industry has ever had.

Vince introduces Aretha Franklin for America the Beautiful.

The announcers, including celebrities Bob Uecker (baseball announcer) and Mary Hart (Entertainment Tonight anchor), talk for a bit. Uecker and Hart will only be around for a match here and there.

Can-Am Connection vs. Bob Orton/Magnificent Muraco

The Connection is the latest pretty boy tag team comprised of Tom Zenk and Rick Martel. Rick shoulders Muraco down to start and monkey flips him for two. You can definitely see a different style in this stadium setting as opposed to an arena. Everything breaks down to start and the villains are quickly dispatched to the floor for a meeting with manager Mr. Fuji.

Back in and Zenk armdrags Orton down as the fans are way into this. You can hear the roars on just basic moves and there’s really nothing like it. Muraco hits Orton by mistake and Zenk gets two. It’s off to Muraco and Orton gets in a knee to Zenk’s back from the apron to FINALLY give the bad guys an opening. That’s about it for their control though as Zenk sneaks over for the tag to Martel as everything breaks down again. A dropkick puts Orton on the floor and Zenk trips Muraco up as Martel cross bodies him for the pin at 5:37.

Rating: C+. I’ve always really liked this match because it was a perfect choice for an opener. It’s a fast paced little tag match that doesn’t mean anything in the long run but gave the fans something fun to watch to get them warmed up. Today this would be a dark match or on the preshow but here it’s the perfect choice for the opener.

We recap Billy Jack Haynes (he’s strong and from Oregon, end of his character.) vs. Hercules, which is about who is better with the full nelson. There’s nothing more to it than that and it’s not the hottest feud in the world.

Hercules says we’ll find out who the real master of the hold is. Heenan corrects Okerlund and says it’s Billy Jerk Haynes.

Hercules vs. Billy Jack Haynes

Since the entrances weren’t shown in the first match, we get to see the motorized ring carts to help cut down some of the time spent walking down the huge aisle. Those are always really cool but they only appeared twice. They shove each other around to start until Hercules gets a knee in to the ribs, only to miss a charge. Again, every move is done so that fans far away can easily tell what’s going on. Everything involves big motion and simple moves but it works really well for what they’re going for.

Hercules nails a big clothesline and whips Haynes hard across the ring. He’s starting to work on the neck and back for the really basic (not a bad thing) psychology of the match. A suplex gets two for Hercules as he pulls Hayes up instead of trying for the pin. There’s a gorilla press to set up the full nelson but Hercules doesn’t have the hands locked.

It still has Haynes in trouble but he powers up after two arm drops. A double clothesline puts both of them down and it’s Hayes up first with even more clotheslines. I know they’re repetitive but at least it makes sense for setting up the full nelson. Haynes gets the full nelson but Hercules pulls the ropes to send them both outside. Billy gets it again but it’s a double countout at 7:52.

Rating: C. You can tell the card has been put together with a lot of care. The show started with a fast paced match and then they have a power match. It keeps the fans from getting bored with the same kind of match and this worked really well. This is another fun match that doesn’t mean much but is entertaining enough. We’re not even half an hour into the show so they have plenty of time to get to the big stuff and this was a nice addition to the card.

Hercules uses his chain to bust Haynes open and then slaps on the full nelson.

King Kong Bundy wants to get his hands on Hillbilly Jim and doesn’t care if he has to run over all four of the midgets to get there. Yes, this is Bundy’s followup to main eventing last year.

King Kong Bundy/Lord Littlebrook/Little Tokyo vs. Hillbilly Jim/Little Beaver/Haiti Kid

Most of the midgets are in their 40s or 50s with Little Beaver pushing 60. Jim is a country boy from Kentucky for another very simple character. Uecker is on commentary here for his comedy stylings. All four little guys come in with the good ones taking over with a row boat (all four are on the mat with the good guys pulling on the others’ legs) for the “funny” segment. Beaver sneaks over and punches Bundy in the stomach so here’s King Kong in off the tag.

It’s quickly off to Jim, much to Jesse’s dismay. Jim scores with a clothesline and a big elbow but Bundy kicks out, even with Jim’s partners piling on the cover. The Avalanche splash in the corner crushes Jim as Uecker uses the dirtiest puns he can. Bundy throws Beaver around and drops a big elbow on him for the DQ at 4:00. That would be the end of Beaver’s career, though again he was almost sixty years old at this point.

Rating: D. Yeah I’m not sure what else you can say here. This was the comedy match of the night and to be fair they kept it really short (pun not intended but I’ll take it). I’ve never gotten the appeal of these things and they’re still not very funny but maybe the kids in the audience found it funny. Jim was definitely a kid friendly character so in theory that’s what they were going for here.

Randy Savage interrupts an interview with Elizabeth because he thinks it should be about him. He’s not really mean here as much as totally self absorbed.

Recap of Junkyard Dog vs. King Harley Race. It’s another simple idea: Race wants Dog to bow to him but Dog says he bows to no man and thinks maybe he should be King instead. This was when the King of the Ring was a title that could be won, though it was rarely defended.

Heenan gives the crown jewels to Fabulous Moolah (the Queen) to present to Race after the match.

The Dog says he’ll be sitting on the throne with the crown upon his head.

Harley Race vs. Junkyard Dog

The loser must bow. I don’t think you need an explanation on Harley Race. Dog gets a huge ovation here and seems totally in his element in a huge stadium like this. Uecker freaks out that Moolah is here and goes down to find her. Heenan offers a quick distraction but Dog easily wins a slugout with Race.

The King sends him outside but misses a falling headbutt from the apron. Back in and Dog knocks Race right back over the top with the King’s face slamming into the apron. Race’s head trauma continues as he hurts himself on a falling headbutt, followed by Dog’s all fours headbutts. Heenan jumps on the apron for a distraction though, allowing Race to grab a belly to belly for the pin at 3:23. King barely had any offense in the whole match.

Rating: D. That was a really quick ending after Dog was squashing Race for the most part. It made Race’s finisher look great but it was a weird way to get to the ending. To be fair though, Race was just in the WWF for a check at this point so it’s not like losing most of the match was going to do him any harm.

Post match Race sits in his chair and Dog bows, only to beat Race up with the chair in a move that draws cheers.

Hogan says he rode here on his motorcycle and people were telling him it was his last ride. One day everyone has to face the truth and that’s what he does today. All he has to do today is beat a 7’4, 550lb giant. That’s the easy part though because Andre has to face the truth and beat every single Hulkamaniac in the world. Hulkamania is the purest form of the truth there is and the 24 inch pythons will be running wild on Andre. This was a heck of a speech and Hogan sold the heck out of the match while looking like the warrior he was supposed to be.

The Dream Team is ready for the Rougeau Brothers. Manager Luscious Johnny V: “Parlez-vous scrambled eggs?”

Fabulous Rougeau Brothers vs. Dream Team

The Dream Team has been having some issues lately and now has Dino Bravo as a third man/enforcer. The Rougeaus (Jacques and Raymond) are high fliers from Montreal. Raymond flips around Beefcake to start so it’s quickly off to Valentine vs. Jacques. Valentine sends him into the corner and avoids a middle rope cross body before it’s back to Beefcake for some stomping. A nice backbreaker gets two on Jacques as Heenan jumps in on commentary.

Valentine’s Figure Four has Jacques in trouble until a rope is grabbed. Raymond comes in to clean house but the announcers ignore the match to talk about how Heenan’s men have done today. Beefcake hits Valentine by mistake (that’s been happening a lot lately) and Le Bombe de Rougeau (Raymond holds Valentine up so Jacques can come off the top with a seated senton) has the pin, only to have Bravo jump on Raymond and turn it over to give Greg the pin at 4:03.

Rating: D+. This was much more about storytelling than the match itself which is fine. Beefcake was about to be turned huge and become a bigger star than the rest of the team so why not do it like this? The Rougeaus were a good, entertaining team and that’s all they needed to be here.

Beefcake gets left behind as Johnny, Bravo and Valentine leave in the cart.

We recap Adrian Adonis vs. Roddy Piper. Piper had returned from a hiatus and become one of the biggest stars in the company. As he returned he was attacked by Adonis, who hurt his knee and took over the Pit, turning it into the Flower Shop. The last thing you want to do is tick off Roddy Piper though and the war was on. This is Roddy’s retirement match as he’s off to Hollywood full time but there’s always one last hurrah.

Piper says no retreat and no surrender.

Adonis promises to give Piper a haircut with some hedge clippers.

Roddy Piper vs. Adrian Adonis

Hair vs. hair and Adonis has Jimmy Hart with him. Adonis is a lot more serious and less effeminate than he was last year. Piper walks down the aisle with the biggest smile on his face. His hair is a bit longer as well to give him his better known look. They slug it out to start but Piper pulls out a belt to whip Adrian.

Adonis takes it away and whips Piper as Monsoon suddenly thinks this is unfair. Piper drags Jimmy in and whips the two of them together for a big crash. The crowd is losing it for this stuff as Piper is just crazy over. Hart trips Piper to take over though and Adonis knocks Piper to the floor. Back in and Piper says bring it on until Hart sprays cologne in his eyes.

Adonis hooks his sleeper (Goodnight Irene) and Piper goes out but Adrian lets go at two arm drops meaning the match isn’t over. Cue Brutus Beefcake (who accidentally had his hair cut by Adonis recently) to wake Piper up as Adonis and Hart celebrate. Adonis swings the clippers at Piper but hits the ropes by mistake, sending them back into his own face. Piper slaps on a sleeper and Adonis is out at 6:13.

Rating: C+. The match wasn’t anything to see and Piper would have far better matches, but this was one heck of an entertaining story, complete with Beefcake coming in to get his revenge on Adonis. This worked very well and was the perfect blowoff to a well done story from the last few weeks.

Beefcake shaves Adonis’ hair. Adrian wakes up and punches the mirror Piper holds up before bailing with Hart. Piper gets the big hero sendoff, complete with a fan trying to run in but being quickly dispatched by security.

Jesse Ventura is presented to the crowd, much to Gorilla’s annoyance. The lighting is starting to change as the sun is going down.

Jimmy Hart says the Bulldogs and Tito Santana can have the war they want.

Hart Foundation/Danny Davis vs. British Bulldogs/Tito Santana

This is another one with a long history. Davis is a former referee who went evil and cost the Bulldogs lost their Tag Team Titles to the Harts and Santana the Intercontinental Title to Savage (over a year ago) and tonight it’s about revenge. The Bulldogs’ mascot Matilda chases Jimmy around the ring to start. Mary Hart and Uecker are on commentary and Uecker is smart enough to ask Gorilla to recap the story in case the fans aren’t familiar with it. That’s something most commentators today couldn’t figure out and Bob does it on his first night.

Jesse takes Matilda to the back and Bret crawls over to Neidhart to get away from Smith. A double headbutt puts Neidhart down and a backdrop makes it even worse. Neidhart opts to just punch Smith in the face, only to have Bret miss a middle rope elbow. Dynamite takes over again as this has been one sided so far. Neidhart breaks up a pin attempt and the Harts finally take over as Uecker tries to figure out why Jimmy Hart is all over the show.

Dynamite gets beaten down by all three villains, including Davis getting in a few shots. Mary Hart: “Isn’t it time for him to get out of there? What does he have to do to get out?” A splash hits Dynamite’s knees though and the hot tag brings in Santana to clean house. The flying forearm drops Davis but Tito would rather punch him in the face than cover.

It’s back to Davey for a hard clothesline (Mary: “A clothesline? Is that what that was?”) and a tombstone. The delayed vertical suplex (a Davey trademark) sets up the running powerslam but Neidhart saves the cover on Danny’s dead body. Everything breaks down and Jimmy sends in the megaphone to knock Dynamite silly for the pin at 8:50.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t getting into this one, outstanding beating of Davis aside. The ending hurts it too as Davis just pops up after taking all that big offense and knocks Dynamite out for the pin. It wasn’t bad or anything but I could have gone for Davis taking a loss here. This really should have been the Harts defending against the Bulldogs again but at least we got a great beating.

During the replays, Uecker says that the turning point was after the tombstone when Davey didn’t go for the cover. Again: most modern announcers don’t have this level of basic insight.

Heenan, now in a white and gold tuxedo, says that Andre is winning the title and there’s nothing Hogan can do about it.

Butch Reed vs. Koko B. Ware

Power vs. speed here and Butch has Slick in his corner. Koko speeds things up to start and dropkicks Reed to the floor but Butch forearms him in the back to take over. Rights and lefts stagger Butch but he rolls through a cross body and pulls the tights to pin Koko at 3:38.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here but this is just a way to give the fans a breather before we get to the big stuff. Reed had a lot of potential with a great look and a bunch of power but he would spin his wheels for about another year before heading to the NWA in 1989 where he was half of an awesome power team called Doom. This was Koko’s bread and butter: wrestle fast, get in some good shots, then lose.

Reed and Slick beat on Koko until Tito runs in and beats Slick up. Tito rips off Slick’s “expensive” suit for fun.

We recap Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat. Savage damaged Steamboat’s throat by crushing it against the barricade. Eventually Steamboat came back and swore vengeance, setting up this match. It’s a simple story but the look on Steamboat’s face when he looked at Savage sold the whole thing.

Savage says the Dragon (Steamboat) can’t stop history.

Steamboat says they have reached their moment and the Dragon is going to scorch Savage’s back. Ricky has George Steele in his corner as a friend and a continuation of Steele’s feud with Savage.

Intercontinental Title: Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat

Savage is defending and gets a big face pop as he’s earned the fans’ respect. Steamboat throws the champ down to start and Savage bails to the floor to keep Elizabeth away from Steele. Back in and Steamboat grabs some very deep armdrags and chokes Savage out to the floor again. Savage gets in a few shots to take over and the fans chant for Steamboat. The chants work as Steamboat starts working on the arm, only to be sent over the turnbuckle and out to the floor.

Ever the violent one, Savage elbows the damaged throat before dropping a knee to the chest for two. Some chops to the head get Steamboat out of trouble and Savage gets tied in the ropes. Things start getting fast as they run the ropes but Savage takes him down with a knee to the back. Savage makes the eternal mistake of trying to send Steamboat over the top and the Dragon skins the cat. Who came up with that term? It sounds horrible and really has nothing to do with pulling yourself back into a ring.

Savage is right back on top of Steamboat and knocks him over the top, followed by a whip into the crowd. There’s a top rope ax handle to the back of Steamboat’s head but Jesse wants him to crush the throat again. Instead Jesse has to settle for another ax handle and a guillotine over the top rope. A gutwrench suplex gets two for the champ but Savage clotheslines him out to the floor.

Back in and Steamboat DIVES off the top and over the referee to chop Savage in the head for two as Savage’s foot was on the ropes. We hit a pinfall reversal sequence with Dragon getting several near falls. Jesse calls this one of the best matches he’s ever seen. Savage reverses on O’Connor roll into one of his own but even a handful of tights can’t pin Steamboat.

Another pull of the tights sends Steamboat shoulder first into the post and the referee gets bumped. That’s not something you often saw back in the day so this is a big deal. Savage gets the big elbow but there’s no one to count. Instead Savage gets the bell but Steele shoves him off the top and “head first onto the bell.” More like next to the bell but it sounds good. Back up and Savage tries a slam but Steamboat small packages him for the pin and the title at 14:35.

Rating: A+. This match is legendary for a lot of reasons, including Savage and Steamboat practicing the match at Savage’s home (at Savage’s insistence) so they knew it step by step, which has caused Steamboat to not be incredibly fond of it. That being said, it still holds up perfectly with both guys looking amazing through. This was a cruiserweight style match on a heavyweight level years before that style was popular. The crowd bought every bit of it and that sequence in the middle where they sped up can hang with any exchange you’ll ever see.

Steamboat and Steele leave with the title, followed by Savage who is nearly in tears. The visual of people riding the carts up the long aisle is very effective.

Jake Roberts, now fully face and incredibly popular (possibly due to an amazing mustache, says that Honky Tonk Man (a wrestling Elvis impersonator) didn’t give him his best shot in the Snake Pit (Jake’s interview show) with a guitar because Jake is still walking. Rock legend Alice Cooper will be here to keep an eye on Jimmy Hart.

Honky Tonk Man promises to win and then sing. He promises that for years but almost never delivered on it.

Jake Roberts vs. Honky Tonk Man

Roberts starts fast and rips the white and gold (popular colors tonight) Elvis suit off. Honky Tonk tries to run as Gorilla and Jesse preview Alice Cooper vs. Jimmy Hart. Back in and Jake keeps punching away before the short clothesline looks to set up the DDT. The threat of a DDT sends Honky Tonk bailing to the floor. Thank goodness he changed the oil in his hair today or he might not have been able to escape. Roberts is sent into the post to give Honky Tonk control and a middle rope fist (ala Cousin Jerry) keeps Jake in trouble.

The Shake Rattle and Roll (swinging neckbreaker. A great name for a lame move.) is countered with a backdrop. Roberts grabs an atomic drop out of the corner but unfortunately we don’t get Honky Tonk’s hilarious selling. Some right hands look to set up the DDT but Jimmy offers a distraction, allowing Honky Tonk to grab a rollup and the top rope for the pin at 7:04.

Rating: C-. It’s a rare sight to see so many midcard heels winning matches but they’re keeping things moving well enough that it doesn’t have a big impact. Honky Tonk was on the rise so the win is a good thing for him but Jake is the kind of guy who can take a loss and then bounce right back with a single promo and DDT. Something else of note here is Alice Cooper, who was a quick celebrity cameo who fit perfectly, didn’t take away from anything else, and had some fun out there. Why is that so complicated to pull off today?

Post match Honky Tonk runs but Jimmy isn’t so lucky. Jake holds him in the corner while Alice throws Damien the snake on him.

Gene Okerlund announces the all time attendance record of 93,173. I know there’s a bunch of controversy about whether they had that many people there, but here’s the thing: WWE says it at 93,173 and that’s the official record. Other than that, it really doesn’t make any difference either way because WWE is going to claim whatever they want and that’s all that matters.

Killer Bees vs. Nikolai Volkoff/Iron Sheik

Volkoff/Sheik are now managed by Slick, who is still in the torn suit. The Bees (Jim Brunzell/B. Brian Blair) are another fast paced team who had a long running feud with the Hart Foundation. Volkoff starts singing the Russian anthem but the recently debuted Jim Duggan runs down with his 2×4 to break it up. Duggan is a huge American patriot who isn’t going to stand for this Communist nonsense in his country. He’s even going to stick around ringside just in case.

It’s a big brawl to start with the foreigners being whipped into each other, only to do-see-do out of trouble…and straight into some right hands. Everything settles down with the Sheik getting his arm cranked. Brunzell’s signature dropkick gets two but everything breaks down and Brunzell gets taken into the foreign corner.

An ax handle gets two for Sheik as the ring is filling up with trash. A gutwrench suplex is good for the same as Duggan is still patrolling ringside. Brunzell finally gets in a flying knee but a Volkoff distraction means the referee doesn’t see the tag. Nikolai puts Brunzell in the camel clutch but Duggan chases Volkoff into the ring for the DQ at 5:43.

Rating: D+. They might as well have had a countdown clock telling us how much more time they had to kill before Hogan vs. Andre. This was another watchable but unremarkable match in a series of them tonight. This was much more about Duggan than anything else, which is fine considering Duggan would wind up being a bigger name than anyone else in the match.

Andre says he’s ready. Heenan says Hogan better be ready.

We recap Andre vs. Hogan. They had been friends for years until the aforementioned trophy incident. Heenan has brainwashed Andre into believing he and Hogan were never friends as Hogan is scared of facing him. To be fair though, Hogan would have a long running history of his friends turning on him over the years so maybe Andre was on to something. I mean, after all those people having issues with Hogan over the years, maybe he’s just a jerk who can’t get along with anything.

Hogan hopes the world can handle the explosion coming in the main event.

The celebrity announcements are shorter this year with Uecker as ring announcer and Mary Hart as timekeeper.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant

Hogan is defending of course. After reading off the tale of the tape, Jesse sums up everything in one statement: “This is the biggest match in the history of professional wrestling.” Hogan’s entrance is one of the most famous of all time as he walks down the aisle with Monsoon shouting that “The roof of the Silver Dome about to explode here!” I know I’ve been saying this multiple times for this show, but we get one of the most famous shots ever in wrestling as they stare each other down in the middle of the ring.

Hogan fires off three right hands and tries a slam in the first thirty seconds, only to fall backwards to give Andre a very close two. Heenan would later claim that he didn’t get the shoulder up in time and that the referee couldn’t see the kickout, eventually leading to a rematch. Andre starts in on the back and a heavy slam plants the champion. Hogan is shoved into the corner and Andre slams his hips into the ribs, followed by a big headbutt.

Some right hands have Andre stunned and you can see the sweat flying off his chest as Hogan chops away. Hogan rams him head first into the buckle over and over but charges into a boot to the face and Andre slaps on a bearhug. After a minute and a half in the hold, Hogan holds his arm up on the third drop and breaks it up with even more right hands (about 90% of his offense here). Andre is right back on offense though as he kicks Hogan to the floor, only to headbutt the post by mistake.

Ever the nice guy, Hogan tries a piledriver on exposed concrete. Again, maybe it’s Hogan’s fault that all of these broken friendships. Andre backdrops out of it and we head inside. Hogan ducks a second big boot and drops Andre with a running clothesline. The idea of Andre being knocked off his feet was unthinkable at the time and the fans are stunned. It’s Hulk Up time and Andre stands up, allowing Hogan to slam the giant and become immortal. You can see the fans rise to their feet in shock. The big leg is academic and Hogan retains at 12:07.

Rating: D+. This is always a tricky one. I don’t think it’s any secret to say the match wasn’t all that good. Andre was really slow and banged up but it was a standard formula that had worked for years for Hogan so it makes sense that they wouldn’t mess with it. However, this match has been called one of the worst of all time and that’s just not the case. It might not even be the worst match on this card.

This match was about the big fight feel and it delivered as well as it could have. I don’t think people came into this match expecting something like Savage vs. Steamboat, but for some reason people expected a ridiculously fast pace for a match between two guys destined to work a slow power style. The match isn’t great, but the moment is amazing.

Hogan poses as Heenan and Andre leave with Heenan’s head in his hands, wondering where it all went wrong.

Jesse and Gorilla recap the show to wrap it up and Aretha Franklin sings us out. You don’t often end a show to America the Beautiful but this wasn’t your run of the mill show.

Overall Rating: C+. It’s Wrestlemania III. This one of the few shows that almost every fan has seen or at least heard of and it’s very rare to hear anyone have a bad opinion of it. The show may not be the greatest of all time, but it’s certainly one that holds up over the years. It set the standard for what Wrestlemania could be with a story to almost every match on the card and one major match to draw in the fans. Even the worst matches aren’t bad and nothing overstays its welcome.

Hogan vs. Andre is still the biggest match of all time nearly thirty years later and I can’t imagine it ever being passed. Couple that with a masterpiece in Savage vs. Steamboat and it’s almost impossible to not consider this at least a watchable show. Nothing is bad, the crowd is white hot throughout and it’s definitely a historic show. What more can you ask for? Check this out if you somehow haven’t seen it before.

Ratings Comparison

Can-Am Connection vs. Bob Orton/Don Muraco

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: C+

Billy Jack Haynes vs. Hercules

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: C

Hillbilly Jim/Haiti Kid/Little Beaver vs. King Kong Bundy/Little Tokyo/Lord Littlebrook

Original: F

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Harley Race vs. Junkyard Dog

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Rougeau Brothers vs. Dream Team

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D+

Roddy Piper vs. Adrian Adonis

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C+

Hart Foundation/Danny Davis vs. British Bulldogs/Tito Santana

Original: C

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D+

Koko B. Ware vs. Butch Reed

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2015 Redo: A+

Jake Roberts vs. Honky Tonk Man

Original: C

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C-

Killer Bees vs. Iron Sheik/Nikolai Volkoff

Original: D

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D+

Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant

Original: A

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B+

2013 Redo: A+

2015 Redo: C+

Ok so I might have been a little enthusiastic about this show back in the day.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/03/07/wrestlemania-count-up-3-this-show-is-required-viewing-for-all-fans/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/12/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-iii-the-biggest-match-ever-on-the-biggest-show-ever/

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Joey Janela’s Spring Break 2
Date: April 6, 2018
Location: Pontchartrain Convention & Civic Center, Kenner, Louisiana
Attendance: 1,500
Commentators: Denver Colorado, Emil J

I’ve done parts of this series before so I figured I might as well knock off the rest of them. This show features a match that I’ve always wanted to see as it started one of the strangest comeback stories in wrestling history. Other than that, we’re in for a total mess and that is absolutely by design. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is designed after what looks to be a 16 bit video game, with Joey Janela and Glacier going after Marty Jannetty on the streets….where Jannetty lights Dink on fire to clear the stage. The second stage features Janela and Jannetty shooting at a Barber Shop (which can shoot back). With the shop destroyed, Shawn Michaels pops out of a DeLorean and superkicks Jannetty. That was different.

James Ellsworth is in a toy store and talks about working in WWE before coming here in his return to the independent scene. Tonight he’s ready to fight Matt Riddle, who doesn’t think much of Ellsworth.

Nick Gage music video. Is this just a really long pre-show?

David Starr talks about what wrestling has done for him and tonight, he’s ready for Mike Quackenbush. This is a really long pre-show isn’t it?

Quackenbush is in, and says so to Starr’s face.

Video on the Great Sasuke vs. Joey Janela, the show’s main event.

There’s going to be a Clusterf*** Battle Royal.

We start the series of videos from the beginning again as I guess we’ve got some time to kill before the show starts.

After 24 minutes of the videos looping, we’re ready to go, meaning we get to hear the commentators getting ready for the show and going over the match order.

The opening video is modeled after the WWF Attitude Era intro.

We open with a video on Joey Janela, which is basically a recreation of The Wrestler.

Teddy Hart vs. KTB vs. Tony Deppen vs. Eli Everfly vs. Gringo Loco vs. DJZ

One fall to a finish and DJZ would go on to become Joqauin Wilde in WWE. It’s a brawl to start (duh) with Everfly being sent outside. Deppen clears the ring but gets anklescissored down by Loco. Everfly is back in to snap off a headscissors before he and Loco come to a standoff. Hold on though as DJZ is back with his air horn but gets cleared out again. Hart walks on KTB’s back before pulling him into a sunset flip for two.

A torture rack backbreaker sends Deppen outside and a Project Ciampa hits Everfly. With a helping hand from the referee, Hart moonsaults onto a bunch of people on the floor. KTB dives onto everyone (Hart doesn’t go down) and Everfly hits a dive of his own. Back in and a springboard tornado DDT plants KTB and a super hurricanrana gives Everfly two on Loco. KTB comes off the top to dive onto everyone but Hart, who DDTs KTB down.

A Lionsault misses for KTB and Loco hits a springboard cutter to bring him down again. DJZ is back up and sunset bombs Loco into a moonsault onto KTB before hitting them both with a rolling DDT. Everfly hurricanranas Hart to the floor and takes Deppen up top for a…..super flipping Jay Driller (commentary: “He can’t do that!”) and the pin at 11:06.

Rating: B-. I’m not big on scrambles like this one, but there is something to be said about doing this kind of acrobatics and flips all over the place. It was certainly a fun match and the right way to fire up the crowd to start the show. Everfly’s finisher was completely nutty, making it perfect for a show like this one. Very fun stuff here and believe it or not, the fans loved it.

James Ellsworth vs. Matt Riddle

Ellsworth’s intergender title isn’t on the line (and I’m assuming Riddle’s unidentified title isn’t either). Ellsworth chop blocks him from behind before the bell but Riddle snaps off a gutwrench suplex to drop him as well. Fans: “WHERE’S YOUR CHIN?” Riddle hits a running forearm in the corner and the backsplash makes it worse. Riddle’s running knee just misses….because Ellsworth doesn’t have a chin. A superkick gives Ellsworth one but another is countered into the Bromission to give Riddle the win at 3:38.

Rating: C. Well yeah, what were you expecting? This was always going to be total destruction and it shouldn’t have been anything else. Ellsworth was always a joke and that’s how he was treated here, with Riddle, the indy prodigy, running through him. The missed knee was funny and then Riddle finished him off, as he should have done. That’s oddly logical from a show like this but I’ll take it.

Ellsworth flips off the crowd on the way out in a nice touch.

The ring announcer is ready to introduce the next match and….Virgil interrupts? He calls someone out (the audio isn’t exactly clear), gets no one, and leaves.

PCO vs. Walter

PCO isn’t the monster just yet. Before the match, Walter offers a chance to walk out but PCO gives him a crotch chop and we’re ready to go. They circle each other to start and PCO takes him into the corner for some taps to the chest. Walter works on the arm and gets kicked away without much trouble. PCO knocks him outside and loads up the dive, only to get run over with a shoulder.

The chop off ensues until Walter grabs a slam and sits on his chest. Some choking on the ropes keeps PCO down but he chops his way out of trouble. A kick to the head and short DDT put Walter down and it’s time to head outside. PCO loads up the first table but takes too long and gets dropped down onto the apron. Walter blocks a powerbomb off the apron and sends PCO hard into the steps, but the big chop only hits post.

As he’s a bit off, PCO goes up top and moonsaults down onto Walter and the referee for the big triple knockdown. Granted there was almost no length to the dive so it’s a wonder that he hit the two of them as well as he did. Walter is up first and powerbombs PCO through the table before doing it again (sans table) inside.

The second referee comes in for the two count so PCO gets booted in the face. The chops just wake PCO up though and he opens his own shirt so Walter can chop him again. PCO wins a chop off and the fans are actually on their feet as Walter looks scared. A discus forearm puts Walter on the floor for a suicide dive and a running flip dive takes him down again.

Back in and a super hurricanrana gives PCO two but Walter flips him over with a release German suplex. PCO is right back with a Regal Roll into a split legged moonsault for two (and another standing ovation). Back up and PCO hits a top rope Swanton to finally put Walter away at 18:29.

Rating: B+. Oh yeah this was rather awesome as it was all about two big guys beating each other up and hitting each other really hard. Walter was already a big deal but this would be a nice boost to his career. At the same time, it kicked off one of the most improbably career resurgences as PCO would turn this into an incredible second act to his career. It’s easy to see why too, as this was just hard hitting pain for the sake of beating on each other, with those chops making my skin crawl.

Post match they trade another chop each and shake hands before Walter leaves.

GCW World Title: Penta El Zero M vs. Nick Gage

Gage is defending and swears a lot before the bell. We get a CERO MIEDO vs. MDK chant off until Gage knocks him outside. The dive is cut off with a chair to the head and Penta chairs him again for a bonus. Penta’s chop hits the post though (with commentary pointing out that it’s two matches in a row) but is fine enough to grab some doors. Gage hiptosses him through a door in the corner and grabs a Falcon Arrow for two.

The boot scrape is cut off though and Penta Death Valley Drivers him through another door. A piece of the door over the head rocks Gage again and Penta puts some pieces onto Gage onto a table. The backsplash off the barricade doesn’t put Gage through said table in a nasty crash. Back in and Penta bridges a door over some chairs and Pentagon Drivers him through the door for two. Penta sets up another similar structure but gets powerbombed off the ropes through it instead. The chokebreaker retains Gage’s title at 9:27.

Rating: D+. This felt like a match where the idea was “Gage vs. this guy” and they didn’t have any more thought put into it. Gage didn’t do much of anything here and then retained in the end after Penta had done so much. That didn’t make for an interesting or even fun match from the usual freak show standards, so this was kind of a wreck.

Respect is shown post match. Penta leaves and Gage yells at the fans, who don’t seem to like him. Then he high fives a bunch of fans on the way out so he’s quite an odd duck.

Mike Quackenbush vs. David Starr

Starr does his long introduction and commentary (featuring Walter for this match) will not shut up, saying no one cares what Starr has to say. They fight over arm control to start until Starr gets two off a Thesz press. Back up and they shake hands before Mike climbs the rope and armdrags him into a leglock which he rolls over for what appeared to be a Crossface attempt, sending Starr to the rope.

Mike stomps on the foot and sweeps the leg, setting up some double knees to the ribs. The abdominal stretch goes on and even Walter is impressed by the series of twists it took for Mike to get it on. With that broken up, Starr Death Valley Drivers him into the corner twice in a row, followed by a springboard clothesline to the floor. Starr doesn’t want the countout so he throws Mike back in and gets tossed off the top for his efforts.

A Swanton gives Mike two but his hurricanrana is countered into a powerbomb for two. Starr kicks him in the head for two, which has Walter wanting Mike to win because Starr is “acting like a d***.” A nice tornado DDT sends Starr outside but the big dive is cut off, with Starr driving him into the apron. Back in and Mike grabs a double arm crank but Starr slips out and blasts him with a clothesline for the pin at 11:37.

Rating: B-. This was the technical match of the night so far, with Starr being just enough of a villain to make it a little uneven. What mattered here was getting in something different on the show and they made it work. These two worked well together and you could hear Walter being impressed on commentary so there had to be something to this one.

Commentary: “Walter is it fair to say that the better man won?” Walter: “No.” Starr grabs the mic and puts Mike over before saying how glad he was for being on this show.

Clusterf*** Battle Royal

This is a Royal Rumble with pinfalls, submissions and over the top eliminations, though the entrance intervals are going to be shaky at best. We see some people in the back trying to check into the match, including MJF in a blonde wig disguise. Jimmy Lloyd is in at #1 and Session Moth Martina (she likes beer) is in at #2. Martina dances a lot and gets kissed for her efforts as Orange Cassidy (still just an indy guy and not a phenomenon yet) is in at #3.

Cassidy takes so long to come in that Wheeler Yuta (looking about 17 years old) comes in at #4 and Curt Stallion comes in at #5 for the grapple off. Yuta rolls him up for two and it’s Facade in at #6 to strike away at Stallion. Facade sends him outside and adds a rope walk moonsault onto everyone outside (as no one has been eliminated yet). Back in and a running kick to the head pins Stallion for our first elimination. Swoggle is in at #7 and snaps off some German suplexes.

With Swoggle cleaning house, Grado is in at #8 and he seems immune to German suplexes. Apparently Grado is quite intoxicated and Kikutaro is in at #9 and crotches himself while trying Old School. As some other wrestlers come back in….the Invisible Man is in at #10. House is cleaned and Kikutaro is tossed before Swoggle taps to a Fujiwara armbar. Joe Gacy is in at #11 and slugs it out with Yuta, including the handspring cutter. Bryan Idol is in at #12 and gets to clean some house before Chris Dickinson, in a mask, smoking a cigarette, and coming out to Real American, knocks out Facade.

Gacy is tossed and Yuta is Razor’s Edged out onto the pile (some are still in, some aren’t) at ringside. Dickinson hits Hulk Hogan’s finishing sequence to get rid of Grado and is left alone (I think). Dan Severn is in at #13 and they go with the grappling (after issues at yesterday’s Bloodsport). Alabama Doink (sure) is in at #14 and gets tossed by Severn, who is eliminated by Dickinson. Rickey Shane Page is in at #15 and beats up Dickinson….as well as the still in Lloyd.

With that not working, Marcus Crane comes in at #16 and gets beaten up by Dickinson. Aeroboy (a masked luchador with another masked man apparently named Crazy Boy….who looks like Excalibur) is in at #17 and starts cleaning house, with a Swanton into a double pin getting rid of Dickinson. Rory Gulak (or Drew, according to the rather drunk commentary team) is in at #18 and doesn’t like the idea of the match (with the sign to prove it). Nate Webb is in at #19 and walks through the crowd as Rory beats people up inside.

Everyone gets out of the ring as the fans sing Webb’s song. After taking over the camera, Webb gets inside and plants Gulak with something like a spinning Big Ending for the elimination. Ethan Page is in at #20 so Gulak kicks him in the head. That earns Webb a trip into the corner and it’s MJF (no wig) in at #21.

The masked men go after Page and MJF, with the villains tossing out the luchadors. With them gone, MJF Codebreakers Page into a rollup for the elimination. Martina (hey she’s still in this) comes back in and puts a condom on her face for a Mandible Claw on Page. She also wraps her legs around MJF’s hand for the female version of Joey Ryan’s penis suplex. Then Page rolls her up for the elimination. Cassidy finally gets in for the lazy strikes (the fans approve) and a double chokeslam pus the villains down.

That lets Cassidy go up….and fall off the top so MJF and Page can pin him at the same time. The Invisible Man beats both of them up until Lloyd gives him a piledriver…..which is illegal in Louisiana so Lloyd is eliminated. Page and MJF double team Webb for a double two count so they beat up referee Bryce Remsburg. That results in a beating from Remsburg, who gets sent outside.

Mikey Whipwreck is in at #22 (oh yeah this is a battle royal) and beats the villains up until MJF elbows him in the face. The Whippersnapper (Stunner) sends Page into a spinning faceplant from Webb for the pin and we’re down to….however many are still in this thing. MJF shoves Mikey off the ropes and hits a splash for the pin. A poke to the eye stuns Webb and MJF throws him out….but the Invisible Man rolls MJF up for the win at 39:38.

Rating: D. This right here? It was dumb. I get the idea of having a bunch of people involved and all that jazz but my goodness did this not hold my interest. I’m sure the live crowd (plus a lot of alcohol) really enjoyed it but it was a bunch of indy stars coming in, doing a little something and then moving on. It’s also one of those battle royals where it is virtually impossible to keep track of who is in there and who isn’t as people will stand outside for such long stretches. These things can be fun, but this didn’t have any big surprises or cool moments, leaving it as something that just kept going.

Joey Janela vs. Great Sasuke

Penelope Ford, in a Mardi Gras mask, is here with Janela. Sasuke comes to the ring with what looks like holy water to bless fans. A quick takedown doesn’t get either of them very far so they go to a grappling sequence with Janela twisting the fingers around. Sasuke nips up though and sits in the middle of the ring, which has Janela worried. Back up and Sasuke…apparently hypnotizes Janela and then spins his hand around, causing Janela to flip himself over.

Sasuke puts him in a chair at ringside and loads up a ladder, only to be whipped into it instead. Back up and Sasuke sends him flying off the top and onto the table for a nasty crash. Sasuke brings it back inside and puts Janela on the ladder for a missed Swanton, leaving Sasuke’s heck caught in said ladder. Janela grabs an inflatable alligator to crush Sasuke before loading up six chairs back to back.

With Janela going up top, Sasuke powerbombs him down onto the chairs in one of those STOP DOING THAT bumps. Sasuke hits him in the head with a door and then whips him through another in the corner. They slug it out on the apron and there’s a Death Valley Driver to plant Sasuke (Janela: “F*** YOU JIM CORNETTE!”). With Sasuke in a chair at ringside, Janela misses a top rope flip dive, only hitting the chair instead.

Janela is laid on a table and a big running flip dive drives him through it, which draws in Ford. A dance distracts Sasuke and Janela grabs a figure four. Sasuke gets to the rope, which rightly has commentary asking “IN THIS MATCH?” Janela misses a moonsault and gets laid over another table at ringside, allowing Sasuke to try and put a trashcan over himself and climb up.

This proves rather difficult (as you might have guessed) so he just throws it at Janela instead, setting up a Swanton onto Janela onto the table for the huge crash. Back in and Janela gets two (as Sasuke is mostly dead) but can’t believe the kickout. A Michinoku Driver onto the side of the ladder gives Janela two more, followed by a top rope double stomp onto a chair onto Sasuke for the pin at 25:16.

Rating: D+. To say this just kept going would be an understatement. It turned into little more than a hardcore brawl and that isn’t the most thrilling thing to see. Sasuke did a bunch of flips, but it didn’t exactly feel like a special match. Chop this in half and have some more wrestling and it’s much better, but it didn’t work for the most part, mainly due to the length and feeling like an indy street fight.

Post match Janela puts Sasuke over huge and thanks the fans, talking about how he can’t believe all this happened. Sasuke gets in a quick thank you of his own and they do a quick karaoke version of It’s My Life by Bon Jovi (sure) to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This is a show where it depends on your viewing location. Watching this live in person would have been a blast, though watching it back at home just doesn’t work so well. The Quackenbush vs. Starr and PCO vs. Walter matches are both good (the latter being very good) but the rest of the show is mostly skippable. These shows would get better, but it took some time to get the formula of “fun indy show” down. For now, it isn’t quite working yet, but it could have been a lot worse. Just kind of a not great show that went on too long.

 

 

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