Survivor Series 1992
Date: November 25, 1992
Location: Richfield Coliseum, Richfield, Ohio
Attendance: 17,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

This was one of the Redo’s picked for Survivor Series and in a way, that is rather odd. In this case, there is very little Survivor Seriesing going on, with just one elimination match, which happens to be a tag team edition. Other than that, we have a huge tag match as Randy Savage and Mr. Perfect face Razor Ramon and Ric Flair, plus Bret Hart defending the WWE Title against Shawn Michaels. Let’s get to it.

Vince and Bobby run down the card. Bobby is NOT happy about Mr. Perfect joining forces with Randy Savage.

High Energy vs. Headshrinkers

Afa is here with the Headshrinkers. Samu shoves Hart down without much trouble to start but misses a crossbody. Hart’s crossbody and dropkick work far better and it’s off to Ware to work on the arm. For some reason Ware tries ramming their heads together, which works as well as you would expect. Afa gets in a cheap shot from the floor and Fatu runs Ware over with a hard clotheslines as the fans are not pleased.

The nerve hold (you knew that one was coming) goes on and another clothesline drops Ware again. Ware tries to fight up and is casually superkicked right back down (Fatu always had a good superkick). Back up and Ware avoids a charge, with Samu going head first into the post. That’s enough for the tag off to Hart to pick the pace way up. A high crossbody gets two on Fatu but Samu plants him with a powerslam. Fatu’s Superfly Splash finishes Hart at 7:40.

Rating: C+. I’ve always been a Headshrinkers fan and this was a good example of why. They did some things rather well (Fatu’s superkick and splash looked awesome) but they are a team where what you see is what you get. While High Energy was out there flying around and doing what they could, the Headshrinkers were out there to hit you hard and do their second generation Wild Samoan stuff. It worked back in the day and it worked again here in a nice opener.

Nailz, with that still weird deep voice, has been looking forward to hurting the Big Boss Man for a long time. Tonight, he gets the chance, with Boss Man unable to handcuff him to a steel bunk bed. Boss Man and his feel guards know what kind of a good climber he is! He committed no crime but tonight he’s ready to do horrible things to Boss Man with that nightstick. How Sean Mooney doesn’t crack up at all of this is unclear.

Big Boss Man doesn’t buy Nailz saying he’s an innocent man because he’s seen the file. His job is to make sure Nails serves hard time…and then he literally runs off to the ring.

Big Boss Man vs. Nailz

Nightstick on a pole match with Boss Man charging to the ring as Nailz is already climbing. Boss Man slugs away but gets whipped hard into the corner. Nailz hammers away but it’s too early for him to get the stick. Back up and Boss Man goes simple by punching him in the face, only to get slammed off when going for the stick. The chinlock goes on (Heenan: “RIP IT OFF!”) but Boss Man fights out, only to miss a splash.

Boss Man knocks him down again and they both get a breather. They get up for a double clothesline and they’re both down again. That’s enough for Boss Man to get the stick and deck Nailz in the face but he shrugs it off. A right hand makes Boss Man drop the stick and Nailz gets in a few shots of his own. Not that it matters as the Boss Man Slam is enough to pin Nailz at 5:40.

Rating: D+. The nightstick doesn’t make much of a difference if it doesn’t make an impact and that was the case here. They traded nightstick shots and barely hurt each other so there wasn’t much of a point. Other than that, it was a slow brawl without anything important. Lame stuff here as Boss Man was rapidly running out of steam.

Ric Flair and Razor Ramon aren’t happy with Mr. Perfect turning on them to join Mr. Savage as Ultimate Warrior’s replacement. We see a clip of Savage picking Perfect and Bobby Heenan running his mouth to make Perfect switch sides. Heenan begging for mercy and for Perfect to reconsider is such a Heenan thing for him to do. Flair and Ramon swear vengeance on the now crazy Perfect.

Heenan goes on a great rant against Perfect as only he could.

Rick Martel vs. Tatanka

This is during Martel’s kind of sailing captain phase and he has some of Tatanka’s feathers to make this personal. Tatanka gets driven into the corner to start but he reverses and chops away. Some dropkicks have Martel on the floor, followed by an atomic drop to put him outside again. Back in and Martel grabs a hot shot (Heenan approves) to take over.

The front facelock goes on as we hear about Sgt. Slaughter being Jack Tunney’s official rule enforcer. Tatanka suplexes his way out of a front facelock but Martel puts it right back on. Cue Doink The Clown as Martel knocks Tatanka back down and grabs the same front facelock. Tatanka fights up and hits a clothesline before avoiding a charge to send Martel shoulder first into the post.

The arm cranking goes on as the fans are just silent here. An armdrag into an armbar cuts off the energy again as this just keeps going. Martel fights up and sends him to the floor, only to get punched out of the air back inside. Tatanka starts the comeback and hits the top rope chop to the head. The Papoose To Go finally finishes Martel at 11:07.

Rating: D+. This is a good example of a match that wasn’t awful, but instead really boring. Tatanka and Martel could probably have a good match that runs about seven minutes but there is nothing you can get out of that many front facelocks and then Tatanka working the arm late in the match. Not a terrible match, but it took me a long time to get through it as it was just that dull.

Mr. Perfect and Randy Savage know that Ric Flair hates them being a team. Perfect is ready to take out Flair and Razor Ramon, because Bobby Heenan knows Perfect can beat both of them. Savage says if the villains were mad before, they’re going to be even madder in a little while.

Ric Flair/Razor Ramon vs. Mr. Perfect/Randy Savage

Heenan is of course incredible here with his rants about what is coming to Perfect. Ramon and Perfect get things going with Ramon hitting a running shoulder. That doesn’t work for Perfect, who is back with a slap but Perfect bails from the threat of a double team. Flair comes in and is quickly taken down by Perfect, who chops away in the corner. There’s the Flair Flip to the apron, where Savage knocks him to the floor for a bonus.

It’s off to Savage for a top rope ax handle to the ribs, leaving a Flair fan (in robe) losing it in the crowd. Savage slugs away on Flair and the interfering Ramon, setting up that signature running clothesline on Flair. A cheap shot slows Savage down though and it’s Ramon coming in to slug away. Ramon can’t get anywhere with Savage’s leg so he goes with the choking instead.

Flair slugs away in the corner and it’s right back to Ramon for the abdominal stretch. With that broken up, Flair tosses Savage over the top for a crash, setting up the running knee. Ramon grabs a kind of weak half crab….and Perfect is walking up the aisle. He sees Savage bleeding on the screen though and that’s enough to draw him back, much to Heenan’s annoyance.

With order restored, Flair gets two off a chop but Savage manages a desperation backslide for the same. Ramon comes right back in and grabs a chokeslam for two more on Savage. There’s a clothesline to put him down again but for some reason Flair goes up, earning a slam off the bottom rope for an extra big crash. The double tag (diving on Savage’s end) brings in Perfect to face Ramon as everything breaks down.

Flair chairs Savage in the head with a chair on the floor and Perfect is whipped into the referee. Another referee comes out as Perfect flips out of a Razor’s Edge and grabs the PerfectPlex. The new referee counts two as Flair makes the save so it’s PerfectPlex to him as well. The first referee counts two with Ramon making a save, meaning the villains are finally DQ’d at 16:30.

Rating: B-. It was one of the featured matches on the show but it was only so interesting. The biggest problem here is that the heat on Savage was rather long and then the ending felt like it was designed to set something else down the line. Flair and Perfect would keep going but Savage and Ramon were pretty much done, making this a preview for something that didn’t happen.

Post match the beatdown is on until Savage makes the save with a chair. Perfect gets the chair and clean house (Heenan: “SOMEBODY GET DOWN THERE AND STOP HIM!”). The announcement of the DQ gives us a classic THAT’S NOT FAIR TO FLAIR! Respect is shown.

Flair and Ramon swear vengeance.

Yokozuna vs. Virgil

Yokozuna does his sumo stomps in the corner and knocks Virgil down without much trouble. Some dropkicks work for Virgil but he tries an O’Connor roll to limited avail. A superkick cuts Virgil down and Yokozuna slowly pounds away. Virgil’s comeback attempt is cut off by a side slam and the big legdrop makes it worse. The splash in the corner sets up the Banzai Drop to finish Virgil at 3:44.

Rating: C. Pretty much a total squash here and that’s all it needed to be. This version of Yokozuna was rather mobile and someone who felt like different kind of monster. It makes sense to put him out here to wreck a loser like Virgil and he looked rather dominant. Good stuff here, and the push is clearly coming.

Mr. Perfect has turkeys for Ric Flair and Razor Ramon. Bobby Heenan gets a little chicken.

Natural Disasters/Nasty Boys vs. Money Inc./Beverly Brothers

The villains have the Genius/Jimmy Hart in their corner and if one person is eliminated, their partner is as well. Typhoon backs Blake into the corner and then shoves him into the corner without much effort. An over the shoulder backbreaker has Blake in more trouble and Earthquake comes in for a bearhug. A powerslam puts Blake down again and Knobbs runs him over to make it worse.

It’s off to Sags, who finally gets caught in the wrong corner so Beau can come in for a change. Sags hits a pumphandle slam (Vince: “What a wrestling maneuver!”) but Beau grabs a butterfly suplex. DiBiase comes in for a change but gets suplexed down in a hurry. IRS comes in and elbows Sags down so Beau can drop an elbow for two. The chinlock goes on but Sags fights up for a double knockdown. The tag brings Earthquake back in to wreck everything, setting up the Earthquake to Beau for the elimination at 9:26.

Earthquake runs DiBiase over and it’s Typhoon coming in for a headbutt. A missed charge actually lets Money Inc. manage a double belly to back suplex, followed by a wishbone snap. The chinlock goes on for a bit, followed by DiBiase’s middle rope ax handle. DiBiase’s middle rope dive into a raised boot lands on a raised boot and it’s back to Typhoon to clean house. The big splash hits IRS but DiBiase makes the save, allowing IRS to drop an elbow for the pin at 15:55. Then Sags rolls IRS up for the pin at 16:03.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t exactly good but rather long with almost nothing worth seeing. There was a story o Hart losing Money Inc. and the Disasters as teams while the Nasty Boys wanted the Tag Team Titles but that wasn’t exactly thrilling here. This felt like lip service to having the Survivor Series concept and if that’s the best they’ve got, they might as well have just skipped it this year (which they seemed to want to do).

Randy Savage, Mr. Perfect and Tatanka are on the Superstar Line.

Heenan rants about Perfect again.

We recap Kamala beating up Undertaker at Summerslam, only to have Undertaker do the situp and scare him away. Undertaker wanted revenge and Kamala was terrified of a casket, so he built a really big casket. It was a simpler time.

Undertaker vs. Kamala

Coffin match (win by pin/submission, loser goes into the casket) with Paul Bearer, Kim Chee and Harvey Wippleman here as well. Undertaker chases him to the floor to start but Kamala chops away back inside. That’s fine with Undertaker, who strikes right back and hits Old School. Well not that old at this point.

Some shots to the face stagger Undertaker though and Kamala sends him outside for a ram into the steps. A chair to the back staggers Undertaker again but some chops don’t do much back inside. Three slams in a row set up a series of splashes but lets bring the Urn in. Kamala freaks out so Undertaker gets up and hits him in the head with it for the win at 5:28.

Rating: C-. Another not so great match as Kamala just wasn’t that interesting in the ring. It also doesn’t help that there was almost no way to imagine Kamala beating Undertaker, who was a major star and far out of Kamala’s league. The match was a way to wrap things up for Undertaker, who needed a new monster to slay. Much like the previous match, this was a way to get something (or someone) on the show and that didn’t make it interesting.

Post match Kamala nails the coffin shut and wheels it out.

Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels says he beat the British Bulldog for the title and since the Bulldog beat Bret Hart for the title, Michaels can beat Bret tonight.

Bret Hart says he’s ready to beat Shawn and add him to a list of recently defeated challengers (Berzerker! Rick Martel! VIRGIL!). We hear about how Bret rose through the ranks to get here and he isn’t ready to lose just yet, even to a great wrestler like Shawn.

WWF Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart

Only Bret is defending. After the handing off of the sunglasses to a kid, Bret takes Shawn into the corner. They go to the mat with Bret easily taking control and sending Shawn bailing to the rope. Back up and Bret takes over on the arm, including some armbarring. We’ll make that some hammerlocking with some knees to the arm but Shawn is back up with a hammerlock of his own.

That’s reversed with a toss out to the floor, followed by another armbar back inside. Shawn slugs his way out of trouble, only to get clotheslined down for two. The armbar goes on again but Shawn drops him across the top to get a breather. Shawn sends him shoulder first into the post and hits a DDT onto the arm. We hit the chinlock for a good while, setting up a backbreaker into another chinlock.

Bret fights up and gets a neckbreaker but Shawn takes him right back down. Now it’s a front facelock to keep Bret down, though this time he’s back up with some shoulders in the corner. The bulldog out of the corner sets up the missed middle rope elbow and we’re back to the front facelock. Bret is up again and manages a belly to back suplex before sending him head first into the post.

There’s the backdrop (you know Bret can call that one) into the Russian legsweep for two, followed by the middle rope elbow for the same. A high impact superplex gives Bret a rather delayed near fall and they’re getting tired. The referee gets crushed in the corner…but is right back up. Shawn sends Bret outside and manages a posting, followed by his own backdrop for his own two back inside.

The superkick (not yet the finisher, or even named) doesn’t even warrant a cover so the teardrop suplex (almost an Angle Slam) gives Shawn two. Bret gets in a shot though and gets Shawn tied up in the ropes, only to miss a charge and crash hard. Shawn goes up but dives right into the Sharpshooter to retain Bret’s title at 26:39.

Rating: B. I’ve seen this match a few times now and while it is good, it really needed to be about eight minutes shorter. There is a lot of time spent just sitting there in either the armbar or the chinlock, which can get rather tedious. It got better near the end and Bret is a beatable enough champion to make this work, but it went longer than it needed to and that brought things down a bit.

And then Santa Claus comes out to celebrate with Bret to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The two big matches are good enough and they get more time than almost anything else on the show, but the biggest problem here is nothing really feels major. Bret vs. Shawn feels more like a really enhanced midcard match while the big tag match is….I’m not sure what it is but it didn’t feel important enough to be the featured match. It’s clear that the WWF is in a transitional period here and it’s really not clicking yet. Not an awful show, but nothing you need to see save for maybe some historical curiosity.

 

Ratings Comparison

Headshrinkers vs. High Energy

Original: C+

2012 Redo: C+

2023 Redo: C+

Big Boss Man vs. Nailz

Original: D+

2012 Redo: D

2023 Redo: D+

Tatanka vs. Rick Martel

Original: C-

2012 Redo: D

2023 Redo: D+

Randy Savage/Mr. Perfect vs. Razor Ramon/Ric Flair

Original: B

2012 Redo: B-

2023 Redo: B-

Yokozuna vs. Virgil

Original: C
2012 Redo: C-

2023 Redo: C

Nasty Boys/Natural Disasters vs. Money Inc./Beverly Brothers

Original: D

2012 Redo: C

2023 Redo: C-

Undertaker vs. Kamala

Original: C+

2012 Redo: F

2023 Redo: C-

Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels:

Original: A-

2012 Redo: A

2023 Redo: B

Overall Rating:

Original: C+

2012 Redo: B-

2023 Redo: C

Yeah Bret vs. Shawn just isn’t that great.

Survivor Series 1991
Date: November 27, 1991
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 17,500
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

Gorilla and Bobby talk for a bit.

Team Ric Flair vs. Team Roddy Piper

Ric Flair, Ted DiBiase, The Mountie, The Warlord

Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, Davey Boy Smith, Virgil

Sherri is sent to the back and Roddy brings in Smith. The good guys work over the arm of DiBiase with Virgil of all people getting the biggest pop. After all four go in they start going around again with all four getting in another set of shots on the arm. Bret stays in but misses a knee in the corner to put himself in trouble. They trade near falls before Bret takes him right back down by the arm.

Virgil gets sent to the floor and Flair sends him into the steps, with Virgil doing an awful job of pretending to slam into them. The full nelson goes on but everything breaks down and Bret comes off the top to take out Warlord, giving the illegal Piper the pin to tie us up at 3. Piper vs. DiBiase now before Virgil is quickly tagged in. Virgil slaps the Million Dollar Dream on DiBiase but Ted sends him into the buckle to escape.

Rating: B. Gah this was going AWESOME until the pretty lame ending. Having Flair be the sole survivor is a smart move though as it makes the fans hate him even more. This was a GREAT setup though and was on pace to be a classic before the ending. To be fair though, at the pace they were going the match would have been an hour long if they were going to do a full version. Still though, what we got was very good.

Gorilla thinks Tuesday in Texas may be on TV! Give me a break.

Team Mustafa vs. Team Slaughter

Colonel Mustafa, Berzerker, Skinner, Hercules

Sgt. Slaughter, Tito Santana, Jim Duggan, Texas Tornado

Rating: F. The match sucked, it was never in doubt, and the biggest deal on the heel team was Skinner, who would get an IC Title shot soon after this. What a horrible match and one of the most worthless ones in the history of the show so far, which is covering quite a bit of ground. Nothing to see here at all.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Hulk Hogan

Rating: D. Yeah this match completely sucked but we have a new champion and a reason to watch Flair vs. Hogan, which never happened for various reason. Hogan would beat Taker for the title at Tuesday in Texas six days later, but the title would be held up and decided in the Rumble, where Flair would win it and set up Wrestlemania. Bad match, but a BIG moment.

People come out to check on Hogan as Gorilla rips into Flair. Hogan takes awhile to leave, likely to let the fans get over some of their shock.

Roddy is in the back and goes on a big rant against Tunney and Flair and Taker.

Intermission, which means we see a graphic for fifteen minutes.

Team Nasty Boys vs. Team Rockers

Nasty Boys, Beverly Brothers

Rockers, Bushwhackers

Gorilla and Bobby plug Tuesday in Texas again.

Legion of Doom/Big Boss Man vs. IRS/Natural Disasters

Quake wants to fight IRS now but walks off with Typhoon instead, making it the LOD vs. IRS. Hawk powerslams IRS down but a charge goes shoulder first into the post. Hawk gets sent face first into the steps as we continue to fill time by having IRS look like he has a chance. We hit the chinlock as the announcers talk about Thanksgiving dinner. Not hot tag brings in Animal who cleans whatever is left in the house. IRS tries to walk out but runs into Boss Man in the aisle. Hawk hits a top rope clothesline for the win.

Gene is in the bowels of the building with Bearer and Taker. Hogan will rest in peace. In Texas. They look in a casket to end the show.

Ratings Comparison

Team Flair vs. Team Piper

Original: A-

Redo: B

Team Slaughter vs. Team Mustafa

Original: F

Redo: F

Undertaker vs. Hulk Hogan

Original: C-

Redo: D

Team Nasty Boys vs. Team Rockers

Original: D

Redo: D

Legion of Doom/Big Boss Man vs. IRS/Natural Disasters

Original: D

Redo: D+

Overall Rating:

Original: D+

Redo: D-

A little worse this time, but the same problems still plague this show. Screw you Vince.

Survivor Series 1989
Date: November 23, 1989
Location: Rosemont Horizon, Rosemont, Illinois
Attendance: 15,294
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura

This was one of two options for me to redo this year and since I did the 1996 show just two years ago and this is my favorite era, it wasn’t all that hard of a choice. It’s actually an interesting show as there are a few experiments taking place which could make for something fun to watch. Let’s get to it.

We open with the Saturday Night’s Main Event style promos from people on the show. This is already off to a cool start.

Hulk Hogan is happy that he’s healthy, but also for his team of Hulkamaniacs at the Survivor Series. I’m very glad he pointed out the name of the show we’ve paid to see.

Ted DiBiase is happy that he’s rich.

Jake Roberts is happy for the DDT.

Demolition is glad that they don’t have to fight each other. Fair point.

Randy Savage and Sherri are happy that he’s the only man worthy of being the Macho King.

Jim Duggan loves the USA. Sounds like a run of the mill day for him.

Dino Bravo is glad to have the Earthquake on his side.

Dusty Rhodes likes his polka dots.

Big Boss Man likes dishing out justice.

Brutus Beefcake likes wrestling, strutting and cutting. I wonder in what order.

Rick Martel is glad for his good looks.

Rick Rude is thankful for his ravishing body. Narcissism must run in the Rick family.

Roddy Piper is thankful for not being Ricky Rude.

The Genius….I think you can guess this one.

Mr. Perfect for being perfect. Kind of one dimensional no?

The Bushwhackers are glad for stuffing in turkey. Freaks.

Bobby Heenan is thankful for spending time with his family. The HEENAN Family that is.

The Ultimate Warrior for intensity. I’m stunned.

Vince McMahon narrates a card rundown. There’s something so weird about him being the voiceover guy. I miss those squares that show the match participants. Oh and team names other than Team Insert Name Here. You can’t think of some alliterative name? Like Rotten Writers?

One thing I’m thankful for: that the dark match was dark. This night got started with Boris Zhukov beating Paul Roma. I wouldn’t wish that on Vince Russo.

Enforcers vs. Dream Team

Big Boss Man, Bad News Brown, Rick Martel, Honky Tonk Man
Dusty Rhodes, Brutus Beefcake, Red Rooster, Tito Santana

As usual, this is mainly about the captains, but at least we get some Jive Soul Bro and Brutus Beefcake music, because the 80s were that awesome. Actually almost everyone involved here had great music. Again, the 80s were awesome. Dusty even has Boss Man’s nightstick because stealing things is part of the American dream. Tito and Honky Tonk start things off because Tito vs. Martel on pay per view wasn’t allowed for some reason. An early armbar has Honky Tonk in trouble but a cheap shot allows Martel to come in.

The pace picks way up as they run the ropes and Martel scores with a dropkick. Tito is right back with an atomic drop into a rollup for two so it’s off to Boss Man, who gets armdragged in a hurry. Dusty comes in and you can feel the energy go up. I’m not the biggest fan but that man had more charisma than almost anyone ever. With the dancing jabs out of the way, Brutus comes in and gets pounded down by Boss Man.

Honky Tonk misses a right hand so it’s back to Martel for a backbreaker. Some knees to the back don’t do much so it’s off to Rooster as it becomes clear how much better the names were back then. Boss Man, Dream, Model, Bad News, Brutus and….well ok there was no saving Rooster. Speaking of Rooster, it’s his turn to get beaten up by a revolving door of villains. Ventura is right there talking about how the size difference is working against Rooster, almost like he’s a real analyst.

A sunset flip finally gets two on Honky Tonk and a collision puts both guys down. That’s enough for the tag off to Tito for some serious house cleaning but it’s too early for the Figure Four. Martel slams him down and misses his elbow that always misses. Tito grabs a rollup but Martel reverses into one of his own and a grab of the trunks (not sure how much that would help here) gets rid of Santana at 9:15.

Dusty comes in and we cut to a shot of a “fan”, who will later be named Sapphire. Considering she hasn’t been officially introduced yet and would be gone just after Summerslam 1990, it’s kind of remarkable that she was only around for about nine months. Anyway Martel gets taken down with a dropkick and the big elbow gets two. It’s back to Rooster for what looks like some dancing and a headlock, which is quickly countered into a backbreaker.

The bearhug from Boss Man has Rooster in even more trouble until he bites his way to freedom. Boss Man tags Bad News (again, great names) but he doesn’t want to come in, meaning Rooster has to pull him in. Ever the serious one, Bad News isn’t about to have any of this stupid gimmick and beats the heck out of Rooster.

Boss Man comes in without a tag and accidentally hits Bad News. Oh dear I don’t see this going well. Before Bad News can use them all as floss, he walks out on his teammates and is counted out at 15:30. The melee allows Brutus to come back in and hammer on Boss Man until an elbow to the jaw cuts him down. Honky Tonk comes back in for two off a belly to back suplex and shrugs off some right hands (90% of Brutus’ offense). He can’t shrug off the high knee (5%, along with the sleeper for the remaining 5% as Brutus wasn’t exactly versatile) and it’s 3-2 at 17:24.

Martel comes in next and chinlocks Brutus down, followed by a backbreaker to put Brutus on the apron. Brutus comes back in with a sunset flip though, and after Martel gets caught grabbing the ropes, Boss Man is on his own at 20:13. Rooster comes in (Dusty is kind of a lame partner) and tries some forearms, only to get caught in the Boss Man Slam for the elimination at 21:00. Now Dusty is willing to come in for the big right hands and Brutus adds some chops. Boss Man is rocked so Dusty comes in with with a crossbody for the final pin at 21:59.

Rating: C-. It was dull at times, but there’s only so much you can get out of some of these people. Honky Tonk was past his expiration date, Rooster was Rooster, Brown was barely involved, Tito vs. Martel should have been its own match, and Dusty was only in there for a little while. The match wasn’t bad and it was a good way to start things off, but there were only two feuds of note in the whole match.

Post match Slick throws Boss Man the nightstick and it’s a heck of a beating for Dusty and Brutus. Dusty even gets handcuffed and beaten down on the ropes, drawing some blood. Well….were you expecting anything else from him? Brutus finally makes the save with the clippers.

In the back, Boss Man says Dusty is his prisoner. Well your prisoner is currently in the middle of a big arena and being let out of handcuffs. I see why Boss Man left the prison job.

The 4×4’s, all carrying 2×4’s, are ready for the King’s Court. Bret Hart says it’ll be their finest hour. Ronnie Garvin wants to use his board for uh….things. Hercules doesn’t think they’ll have any problems. Jim Duggan says their team is ready for anything.

4×4’s vs. King’s Court

Jim Duggan, Ronnie Garvin, Bret Hart, Hercules
Randy Savage, Canadian Earthquake, Dino Bravo, Greg Valentine

Yeah it’s the Canadian Earthquake because that you don’t want him confused with the Costa Rican Earthquake. The 4×4’s clear the ring with the boards and then try to toss them to each other. Garvin messes up because he’s Ronnie Garvin and a natural failure. Duggan follows Savage to the floor to start and hands it off to Hercules for a forearm to the back. A gorilla press sends Savage into the corner for a tag to Valentine for the atomic drop and the traditional funny sell job.

Bret comes in to work on the arm and Duggan sends said arm into the buckle. It’s off to Hercules for some forearms on the also legal Bravo but Earthquake comes in, runs him over, and hits the Earthquake for the elimination at 3:57. Duggan tries his luck with some shoulders that have no effect, so Bret gets behind Earthquake to trip him down on a third try. Garvin comes in and I suddenly want to see Earthquake crush him like a grape.

The Court starts taking turns on Garvin, including a top rope ax handle from Savage. A quick backslide gets two on Bravo but it’s already back to Savage for the snap jabs in the corner. Valentine comes back in though and since we’re not ten minutes into the match yet, Duggan makes a blind tag and clotheslines him out to even things up at 7:32.

Savage comes in and snaps Duggan’s throat across the top rope and it’s back to Earthquake for some forearms to the back. The Court is certainly making good tags to take their turns. Earthquake misses the big elbow so it’s off to Garvin to chop and headbutt Bravo. There’s the Garvin Stomp (it’s stupid when Randy Orton does it too) but Bravo rakes the eyes to break up the Sharpshooter.

It’s off to Hart vs. Savage and Randy PANICS as the crowd really wakes up. You better believe those Bret pops were being noticed, even if it took two years to get to the solo run. Savage gets taken down and runs off for the tag to Bravo so Bret beats him up instead. Garvin comes in again and is IMMEDIATELY side suplexed for the elimination at 11:18. I never get over how much Garvin absolutely sucks. He just got pinned clean by DINO BRAVO. What in the world does that say about your career?

Duggan hammers on Earthquake again before handing it back to Bret for a matchup I never knew I wanted to see. Bret wants Savage though and Jesse, a big fan of both guys, is rather pleased by these developments. Savage gets tied up in the ropes and Duggan, ever the All-American, chokes behind the referee’s back. A missed knee drop makes things even worse for Savage and Bret gets two off a backbreaker. Bret misses the middle rope elbow (a regular one as he didn’t have his signature version down yet) though and it’s back to Bravo for the bearhug.

It’s back to Earthquake for some choking and a two count with the fans being rather pleased by the kickout. Bret avoids a Savage charge to send him into Bravo though and now the hot tag brings Duggan back in. For reasons of temporary insanity (or maybe sanity in his case), Savage drives Duggan into his own corner so Hart can tag himself in. A quick missed charge hits the post though and Bravo adds a shoulder breaker, setting up Savage’s elbow for the elimination at 19:07.

So it’s Duggan alone against Bravo, Earthquake and Savage, meaning Jim is looking completely fine. Earthquake unloads on him in the corner and the level of fine is starting to come down. Duggan beats up all three of them without much effort (Behold the power of AMERICA! Ignoring that Savage is from AMERICA of course!) and tosses the whole team outside.

As the announcers try to figure out who is legal, Earthquake comes back in and drops the big elbow for two. Savage hits the ax handle but misses the running crotch attack. Since the guys kind of suck at this, Sherri low bridges Duggan to the floor and it’s a countout at 23:25 to finish Duggan off.

Rating: D+. The strange ending aside (Duggan can’t take a pin here? Not even 3-1 with the new big monster and RANDY SAVAGE on the other team?), this wasn’t all that thrilling of a match. Other than the fans going coconuts for Hart, it was a lot of punching and kicking and very little more. It also wasn’t the biggest surprise, as any team with Hercules and Ronnie Garvin on the team and JIM DUGGAN as the brains of the operation is in serious trouble.

Post match Duggan cleans house with the 2×4.

Dusty Rhodes is very hurt but Gene Okerlund is sure that he’ll be dishing out Americana soon enough.

The Genius has a poem saying he’s smart and how stupid the fans are. That’s such a simple gimmick but it’s one that would work so well today. Give him a guitar and he’s basically Elias with a better vocabulary.

Million Dollar Team vs. Hulkamaniacs

Ted DiBiase, Powers of Pain, Zeus
Hulk Hogan, Demolition, Jake Roberts

I’m not going to explain Zeus in full again because it just makes my head hurt. You know what doesn’t make my head hurt? The most awesome Survivor Series team in the history of the planet. I mean seriously, Hogan, Roberts and Demolition. Someone please try to find something that matches that level of amazing so I can point at you can call you stupid.

Just in case it’s not enough yet, the villains won’t let them in the ring (Jesse: “Count all four of them out!”) so Jake throws Damien in, because the most awesome Survivor Series team in the history of the planet has A BIG FREAKING SNAKE TOO! Still one of my favorite moments ever and something I still throw on if I need a smile.

Zeus wants Hogan to start so Gorilla goes into his weird questions about what the Z on Zeus’ head is for. Like….what else do you think it’s for? He’s a big Zorro fan? I mean, he should be because Zorro is so awesome that he would be first on the list if this team ever needed a fifth man but I still don’t get that rant. Hogan of course can’t hurt Zeus to start as the right hands and clotheslines have no effect.

A jumping knee does nothing so Hogan rakes the eyes and gets in a slam, which does all the damage of a standard slam. Zeus pops up and cranks on Hogan’s neck, in a spot that the Giant would use to put him on the shelf for weeks in WCW. A bunch of choking and a shove of the referee are enough for the DQ to get rid of Zeus at 3:20.

Zeus won’t stop choking and it takes the combined forces of the Powers of Pain and DiBiase offering money to get him off. Hogan is mostly dead so DiBiase comes in to drop some knees. More choking keeps Hogan in trouble but he finally gets a boot up in the corner and brings Jake in. The beating begins in a hurry and it’s off to Demolition for the rapid fire pounding to the back (I could watch that for at least a minute). Hulk is fine enough to come back in for a middle rope ax handle as Gorilla goes on about the Z on Zeus’ head again.

DiBiase elbows Ax in the face and brings in Warlord because the Powers of Pain vs. Demolition is still a thing a year after it was a bigger thing at the previous year’s show. A clothesline gets Ax out of trouble but Mr. Fuji trips him up, allowing Warlord to drop a headbutt for the pin at 9:52.

It’s off to Hogan to beat up Warlord in a match you would think would have happened at some point. Jake comes in and the fans want the DDT but have to settle for Smash hitting an ax handle to the back instead. Not quite the same thing. Barbarian kicks him in the face though and it’s DiBiase coming back in with a middle rope ax handle (the most popular move on the show).

The falling punch (still cool) gets two and we hit the chinlock. DiBiase misses the middle rope falling elbow (as always) but Smash still won’t tag for no apparent reason. Barbarian tags himself in and takes Smash’s head off with a top rope clothesline for the elimination at 13:44. Jake comes in but can’t DDT Barbarian no matter how many times he tries. The beating continues as Hulk is dying for a tag.

Some knee drops and a piledriver get two on Roberts but Barbarian misses the Swan Dive. There’s the hot tag to Hogan (Jesse: “Uh oh.”) and it’s time to clean house. The rapid elbows and a suplex give Hogan two (you don’t see him getting many near falls) and he clotheslines both Powers down. They pop back up and hit a spike piledriver….for a double DQ at 19:51, sending Jesse over the edge in an awesome rant. And yeah, that’s completely bogus, especially with Hogan and Roberts now having a 2-1 advantage over DiBiase.

The Million Dollar Dream has Hogan in trouble and Roberts has to save Hogan at two arm drops (Jesse: “THAT’S THREE TIMES! THREE TIMES! HOW COME ROBERTS WASN’T DISQUALIFIED???”). Hogan fights out of another attempt and punches DiBiase out of the air (because he was trying ANOTHER ax handle). The latest hot tag brings in Roberts for a neck snap across the top rope, giving us another great DiBiase sell.

Cue Virgil with his bad hand so Roberts beats him up too, including a DDT to a big pop. With Roberts down, DiBiase gets in the fist drop and throws his feet on the ropes to get rid of Jake at 23:42. Hogan is still down from the Million Dollar Dream so DiBiase picks him up and hits a clothesline for two. A chinlock goes on and Hogan slaps DiBiase’s arm, which would be shocking to see today. The comeback gives us a double clothesline but Hogan is up first and hits exactly what you would expect to set up the legdrop for the pin at 27:32.

Rating: C-. I love the face team but my goodness they picked a really weird way to get to the finish here. Hogan and company were either even or ahead for most of the match and Hogan just wins with ease in the end. What’s a better way to go here: the usual, or Zeus, who Hogan is feuding with at the moment, wrecking Hogan so badly that DiBiase pins him to set up a title program with DiBiase down the line? I wasn’t feeling this one, but the energy (and Jesse ranting) helped it a lot.

Jesse is LIVID post match, saying the referee probably even disqualified Virgil too.

Savage and Zeus, who face Beefcake and Hogan in a cage match in a few weeks, are ready to take care of business inside the cage. Sherri waving her hands in the background for some reason is a little distracting.

Hogan comes in to Beefcake’s locker room and they’re ready to win in the cage. Sherri comes in and throws powder in their eyes so the beatdown can be on.

We run down the remaining two matches.

As intermission continues, Jesse talks about issues inside the Heenan Family, including pushing and shoving in the locker room.

The Rude Brood is ready to win tonight. Rick Rude talks about his great teammates, Mr. Perfect knows how to get rid of Jimmy Snuka and the Rougeau Brothers have been training extra hard.

Roddy Piper can’t get his team to quit eating before the match. I remember this from when I was a kid and it’s still bizarre.

Rude Brood vs. Roddy’s Rowdies

Rick Rude, Mr. Perfect, Rougeau Brothers
Roddy Piper, Jimmy Snuka, Bushwhackers

There’s no Heenan with Rude, playing up the issues in the Family. Perfect jumps Luke from behind to start so it’s already off to Butch for a bite of the leg. Piper and Snuka bite the arm and it’s back to Butch to bite the back for a second helping. Jacques comes in and nips up but stops for a hug from his brother. We settle down to Jacques flipping over Snuka but getting taken down by a flying headbutt. A chop keeps Jacques in trouble and Snuka….I want to say dances? With Jacques down, the Superfly Splash is good for the elimination at 4:01.

Rude comes in for a leapfrog and a hip swivel before handing it off to Perfect. A botched low bridge sends Perfect outside as the Brood can’t get anything going at all. Luke comes in for a snapmare on Perfect and Snuka punches him in the face. The fast tags continue with Butch coming in for a few knees to the back. Piper’s atomic drop knocks Perfect over for the tag to Raymond, whose backdrop is countered into a sunset flip for two. Raymond gets two off a superkick but Piper grabs a piledriver for the second elimination at 7:39.

Perfect is in next for a snapmare of his own on Piper but gets catapulted into the corner as only Perfect could do. Butch comes in for some near falls off some stomping but a single kick to the chest knocks him into the corner. That means it’s back to Piper for some right hands and a hip swivel at Rick as Perfect is turned inside out. Butch adds another bite but gets rolled up for the elimination at 10:45.

Piper is right back in for a rollup of his own and Snuka adds a top rope chop to the head. It’s Luke’s turn to hammer away and a headbutt to the ribs gets two. Perfect is able to make a tag but Rude gets punched out of the air. Not that it matters though as a kick to the ribs sets up the Rude Awakening to even things up at 12:14.

So now we can have the match that they wanted in the first place, which definitely sounds better. Rude chops Snuka down and throws in a hip swivel before handing it back to Perfect, who gets kicked in the face. It’s already back to Rude for a chinlock, which goes nowhere either so Perfect comes in and gets small packaged for two. You really can tell that the energy has gone out of the arena and they’re just going through the motions with this one.

A ramming of the heads puts Perfect and Snuka down (should have knocked Perfect silly) and there’s the double tag. They slug it out, which is never a good idea against Piper. The fight falls to the floor and it’s a double countout at 18:36. So we’re down to Perfect vs. Snuka with Perfect making the mistake of ramming Snuka’s head into the buckle. Dude have you ever watched a Snuka match? A dropkick puts Snuka on the floor but he’s right back in for a pinfall reversal sequence. Snuka’s high crossbody is reversed into a cover for two but it’s the PerfectPlex to finish him at 21:27.

Rating: D. I’ve never liked this match as it was basically a delayed start until we got to the match that they really wanted to do. It also doesn’t really advance anything as Snuka vs. Perfect wasn’t a feud and Piper vs. Rude is right where it was before. At least Perfect got the win though and that’s what really matters, because he should have been ready to move up into the main event.

Post match Snuka goes after Perfect and Genius but the smart (and perfect) villains get away.

The Rude Brood says to not worry about Heenan’s whereabouts and promise to celebrate the ravishing way.

The Ultimate Warriors are ready to go. Jim Neidhart laughs a lot, the Rockers are their usual confident selves, and Ultimate Warrior says they all have organ donor cards. My goodness imagine the drug bills.

Ultimate Warriors vs. Heenan Family

Ultimate Warrior, Rockers, Jim Neidhart
Andre the Giant, Arn Anderson, Haku, Bobby Heenan

Heenan is out there because Tully Blanchard failed a drug test and is leaving, never to wrestle in a national promotion again. The fight starts before Warrior even shows up but here he is to save Neidhart as the bell rings. Three clotheslines put Andre on the floor and it’s a countout at 27 seconds, which is totally different than Zeus being eliminated earlier. Anderson’s “DANG IT” face is great, as always.

We settle down to Anderson getting beaten up by anyone who can get their hands on him, including the running tackle in the corner from Neidhart. Andre finally gets up and staggers out, with the Rockers getting in a few cheap shots. Haku comes in for some forearms to the back and Heenan chokes in the corner as Jesse says he would take Heenan over Gorilla in a fight. Before Gorilla can freak out, Haku superkicks Neidhart for the elimination at 3:31.

Michaels comes in to pick up the pace with a monkey flip before it’s off to Marty to start on the arm. Marty’s crossbody is caught but Shawn hits the dropkick to the back for the near fall. It’s back to Anderson, who can’t get a suplex, but Haku comes in to make it a double suplex, which is caught by Shawn in a nice save. Double superkicks get two and it’s off to Warrior for a backdrop. Heenan refuses the tag (well duh) so Anderson gets caught in an armbar instead.

Anderson takes him down with a shot to the ribs, hands it off to Heenan for a kick to the ribs, and then comes back in when Heenan gets touched once. That was the only way to go and it’s worth a chuckle. Anderson beats the heck out of Jannetty and Haku adds a few shots to knock Jannetty silly. Heenan comes back in for some stomps on Jannetty and a knee drop….for the clean pin at 8:54.

Egads how far have you fallen when you’re losing clean falls to Heenan? It’s instantly back to Anderson, who gets caught in Warrior’s bearhug. A rake to the eyes gets Anderson out of trouble so Haku gets bearhugged as well. It’s off to Michaels, who gets sent outside so Warrior has to toss him back inside. Heenan’s front facelock doesn’t work so here’s Anderson again for some stomping in the corner. Shawn is back up and rubs Anderson’s face into the mat, blinding him so badly that he tries to tag Warrior.

A Rocket Launcher gives Shawn two but for some reason it wakes Anderson up enough to take over again and bring in Haku. That just means a missed charge though and Shawn gets rid of him with a high crossbody at 12:54, leaving us with Shawn/Warrior vs. Anderson/Heenan. Four Hall of Famers isn’t too shabby. Heenan is willing to come in and punch Shawn a few times but Warrior scares him into the corner.

With Michaels on the floor, Heenan goes up (oh dear)…but climbs back down a few seconds later with a fit of sanity coming over him. Heenan refuses a tag so Anderson gets sunset flipped for two, sending him into a frenzy over the lack of a tag. Shawn gets knocked down so it’s back to Heenan, who tags out almost immediately again. Anderson wins a slugout and scores with some headbutts to the ribs in the corner as Warrior is shaking his head for some reason. Odd man indeed. There’s the spinebuster to get rid of Michaels at 15:48, though Anderson can barely move.

Some running shoulders have Anderson in trouble but he sidesteps a charging Warrior to send him outside. Heenan goes up again and again comes back down. Now Heenan is willing to come back in but when the no selling begins, Heenan’s time in the ring quickly comes to an end. Anderson sends him into the corner but Heenan won’t tag in again, probably being as smart as he can. Warrior rams them together and hits the gorilla press into the splash to get rid of Anderson at 18:16.

Reality hasn’t set in yet for Heenan so Warrior sneaks up on him…giving us a hilarious visual as Heenan slowly turns around. Jesse: “You’re loving this aren’t you Monsoon?” The beating begins in a hurry and Heenan is thrown over the corner to the floor. That’s enough for Heenan but Warrior throws him back inside for a shoulder and the splash for the final pin at 20:27.

Rating: D+. Heenan alone almost made this entertaining but there’s only so much that even he could do. The wrestling isn’t the point here and there’s nothing wrong with that. Warrior winning was never in doubt as his biggest challenge was eliminated in less than thirty seconds. Not a good match, but Heenan made it fun enough.

Post match Heenan staggers to the back, with Warrior running up behind him for one more clothesline.

A stills package ends the show to Warrior’s music.

Overall Rating: D. This one really didn’t work very well with a lot of punching and kicking matches and very little else. The storylines weren’t so much advanced as much as just storylines staying in one place. Having Hogan in the middle and Warrior in the main event was certainly an experiment but it was more odd than anything else. The energy goes away at the end of the third match and you can feel it being gone. I love it for the nostalgia, but there’s just not enough here.

Ratings Comparison

Dream Team vs. Enforcers

Original: B-
2012 Redo: C+
2018 Redo: C-

King’s Court vs. 4x4s

Original: B+
2012 Redo: D+
2018 Redo: D+

Hulkamaniacs vs. Million Dollar Team

Original: D-
2012 Redo: C
2018 Redo: C-

Rude Brood vs. Roddy’s Rowdies

Original: D
2012 Redo: C-
2018 Redo: D

Ultimate Warriors vs. Heenan Family

Original: C+
2012 Redo: C-
2018 Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: D+
2012 Redo: D
2018 Redo: D

My original reviews continue to amaze me.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

Survivor Series Count-Up – 1989 (Original): What A Weird Match

And the 2012 redo:

Survivor Series Count-Up – 1989 (2012): Bonus Round

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Unforgiven 1999
Date: September 26, 1999
Location: Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, North Carolina
Attendance: 15,779
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

After going through a bunch of television with all of the fast matches that rarely have a chance to make an impact, it’s going to be a bit weird to see things getting time. The main event is a Six Pack Challenge with a bunch of main eventers and the British Bulldog fighting for the WWF Title, with Steve Austin as guest referee. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how it all comes to tonight as everyone wanted to avoid being unforgiven.

The referees are still on strike so we have scab referees for the show.

Val Venis vs. Steve Blackman

Venis brings the bag of weapons with him, having recently stolen them. Blackman strikes away to start but Venis kicks him into the corner and gets in some choking. A missed elbow lets Blackman knock him to the floor, with a suplex bringing Venis back in. They’re already back on the floor with Venis being sent into the steps as commentary talks about the main event.

Back in and Blackman whips him hard into the corner and we hit the chinlock. That doesn’t last long as Venis fights up with some elbows. Lawler: “Starting to rise. To the occasion.” JR: “He’s done that for money.” Back up and Blackman’s crossbody is rolled through for two, with referee Steve Lombardi counting at the feet. Venis knocks him down again and hits the Money Shot for the clean pin.

Rating: C. This wasn’t worth much of a watch and I’m not sure why they thought it was a feud that needed to have a pay per view match. The whole deal is that Val isn’t overly serious while Blackman is ultra series and….conflict? Just nothing to see but a long TV match and not exactly interesting.

Post match Venis grabs a kendo stick but Blackman takes it away and knocks him cold. Cue the medics, with Blackman yelling at a female nurse. The male security guard tackles Blackman, who leaves rather quickly.

Big Show says he has a killer instinct and will win the title.

We recap Mark Henry defending the European Title against D’Lo Brown. Henry was overweight and Brown tried to get him in better shape. Henry would rather have women and food though, along with the belt. Now Brown wants revenge and the title as well.

Mark Henry hits on Lilian Garcia and gets slapped in the face.

European Title: Mark Henry vs. D’Lo Brown

Henry is defending….in theory, as he says there isn’t going to be a title match tonight. After sending his two women to start the car, Henry says he has a “brainerism” after that slap. Maybe we can do this tomorrow on Raw, but cue Brown to interrupt. They start brawling on the floor and head inside, where the bell rings to officially get things going.

Brown manages a rather impressive Sky High for two, followed by a legdrop for the same. Henry misses a running charge at the ropes and takes a kind of scary crash out to the floor. The big no hands dive (that looked nice) takes Henry down again and a high crossbody gets two back inside.

A big clothesline drops Brown and we hit the chinlock. That’s broken up and Brown comes back with a crossbody before countering another into a slam (I wonder if the first wasn’t as planned.). The big leg gives Henry two but Brown slips through his legs and grabs a hurricanrana for a double knockdown. Back up and Henry hammers away in the corner, only to get powerbombed down. The Low Down gives Brown the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. Oh this wasn’t working and that was very clear. Henry looked awkward and unsure of himself, along with just slow. Brown was doing what he could and was trying but he could only do so much on his own. Bad match, and while Henry is good in segments, the matches aren’t working.

The Acolytes are ready for the Dudley Boyz and just because one of them is white and one of them is Black, that’s where the similarities end. We pause this to see some people beating up Chaz and throwing him out of the locker room. Why was Chaz here if he doesn’t have a match?

Debra isn’t happy with Jeff Jarrett for putting her in the Figure Four but Jarrett doesn’t want to hear it, grabs Miss Kitty and leaves.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Chyna

Jarrett, with Miss Kitty, is defending and is convinced that no woman could ever beat a man. He’s also gone rather nuts and attacked the legs of various women with the Figure Four. Jarrett starts fast but misses a running crotch attack on the ropes. A hard clothesline puts Jarrett down and another one knocks him out to the floor. Jarrett pulls the legs out though and crotches her against the post, with the pain surprising Lawler.

Commentary talks about the women Jarrett has hurt, which has Lawler chuckling, as Jarrett gets two off a high crossbody. A nice dropkick hits Chyna and a superplex into a not great small package gets two. Jarrett hits a DDT onto the arm so he goes up top, only to get electric chaired down. Moolah and Mae Young are worried in the front row as Chyna fights out of a sleeper and grabs a suplex (better than Jarrett’s normal sleeper sequence) to leave them down again.

A powerslam and powerbomb give Jarrett two but he’s back with a powerbomb of his own. They go outside where Chyna hits him with a chair, with Lawler losing his mind over how that isn’t a DQ. Back in and the Pedigree is countered into a catapult to crush referee Harvey Wippleman. The guitar is thrown in….so Moolah and Mae Young run in to beat the fire out of Jarrett, including a double slam.

The crowd goes NUTS, only to be cut off as Jarrett hits a double clothesline. Jarrett loads up the Figure Four but here is Debra with a heck of a guitar shot to knock him cold. Chyna gets the pin and the title….but head scab referee Tom Prichard comes in to reverse the decision.

Rating: C. They were trying here and Jarrett was able to carry Chyna to something watchable enough. It’s pretty clear that the big blowoff is still coming with Jarrett getting what is coming to him, so hopefully they can do a bit better than this one in the rematch. That being said, the highlight here was definitely Moolah and Mae, as they beat the fire out of Jarrett for a bit and made it work. It worked and was hilarious at the same time, which is hard to do.

Post match Chyna Pedigrees Prichard to blow off some steam.

Steve Austin promises a new WWF Champion tonight.

Acolytes vs. Dudley Boyz

It’s a brawl to start as Jimmy Korderas has crossed the picket line so we have a regular referee. D-Von gets knocked down on the floor, leaving Bubba to get caught with a double flapjack. A superplex gives Bradshaw two as Lawler makes a bunch of jokes about Moolah and Mae Young. Bubba is knocked outside and whipped hard into the steps but he’s back in with a belly to belly.

It’s back to D-Von for a running neckbreaker but the fall away slam sends him flying. Faarooq can’t hit the Dominator so it’s back to Bradshaw, who gets caught in the reverse 3D for another near fall. D-Von hits his top rope headbutt, only for Bradshaw to pop up and catch him on top with a belly to back superplex (and a nice one at that). A quick 3D connects…but Stevie Richards comes in dressed as an Acolyte (with the UPN logo on his chest) to superkick D-Von for the pin.

Rating: C+. Not a bad power tag match as the Acolytes could still go well enough. I’m not sure about beating the hot new team in the Dudleys but at least there was some interference. The Dudleys are still trying to find their groove around here, but the 3D is such an awesome finisher that they’re already off to a good start.

Post match the Acolytes beat Richards down.

Women’s Title: Luna vs. Ivory

Ivory is defending in a Hardcore match and they start fighting in the back. Luna throws a TV at Ivory, makes photocopies of her face, and throws a phone at her before sending her into some walls. Ivory is back with a toss into a trashcan for…well no count as her shoulders aren’t down, but if falls count anywhere, shouldn’t they count in a place with her shoulders not down?

I guess a fall has to include shoulders down to be counted as a fall, but the technical aspect is broken up by Luna splashing her off a forklift for two. Cue Tori to take a swing at Ivory but she gets knocked into an anvil case. Ivory hits Luna with a pole for the pin to retain. Tori added nothing here.

Rating: C-. Well, Ivory gets to retain and Tori was kind of there as well, but this was little more than a segment described as a match. They were doing the usual hardcore stuff but backstage, which doesn’t leave them with much to do. Rather dull again, which is rapidly becoming the norm with these hardcore based match.

Moolah and Mae Young want Jeff Jarrett to stay out of their business but Ivory runs in to say stay out of her business. That earns Ivory another beating.

Tag Team Titles: Edge and Christian vs. New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws are defending. Gunn powers Edge into the corner to start but Edge is back out with a takedown into a headlock. Dogg comes in for a headlock of his own but Christian comes in off a blind tag for a dropkick. That doesn’t last long as it’s Gunn coming in for some ax handles to the back, plus a gorilla press onto Dogg’s knee for a near fall. Christian gets up and hands it back to Edge, who gets punched in the face a few times.

The slow pace continues with Dogg being knocked outside and sent into the steps to put the Canadians in control for the first time. The chinlock goes on before Dogg and Christian hit stereo crossbodies. Dogg still can’t get over to Gunn so we’ll go with some stomping in the corner instead. A side slam/layout reverse DDT combination gives Christian two as JR is getting into Edge and Christian’s rapid tagging.

Dogg finally manages a double DDT and everyone but Gunn is down. The diving tag brings Gunn in to clean house with a powerslam getting two on Christian. The reverse layout DDT gets Christian out o trouble but cue Gangrel and Matt Hardy to pull Christian to the floor. Jeff Hardy adds a dropkick to Edge and the Fameasser retains the titles.

Rating: B. I wouldn’t have expected this to be the match of the night so far but they pulled it off here. The Outlaws weren’t known as being the most polished team ever but they worked really well together and that was on display here. The same was true of Edge and Christian, who were pretty clearly wanting to work hard in a big spot, which was pretty much the norm for them.

HHH and British Bulldog won’t say if they’re together or not but they’ll do what it takes to win tonight.

Big Boss Man doesn’t regret anything he’s done to Al Snow because he’s used to dealing with people inside a cage, dogs or not.

The Cell is lowered and the cage is built.

Al Snow is going to beat up the Big Boss Man for Pepper’s memory.

Hardcore Title: Al Snow vs. Big Boss Man

Snow is defending and this is the Kennel From Hell match, meaning there’s a regular cage and the Cell around it, with rottweilers in between the two cages. It’s the old story: Boss Man wanted to be Hardcore Champion and cooked Snow’s dog and fed it to him as a result. There are no dogs to start (uh oh) and only Snow is in the cage. That leaves Boss Man between the cage and the Cell as the dogs come out.

We’re nearly two minutes in as the dogs are finally brought inside, where one of them immediately relieves himself. Boss Man climbs the cage but Snow hits it with a shovel to avoid getting inside. The dogs start arguing with each other as Snow drops to the floor, where he climbs the Cell despite the dogs not chasing him.

Snow manages to get onto the regular cage wall but Boss Man catches him on top for a superplex inside, meaning they’re both inside the ring for the first time about three and a half minutes in. The dogs keep barking at each other as Boss Man sends Snow into the cage. The slow beating continues, with Boss Man hitting him in the head with a cookie sheet a few times.

With Snow down (and bleeding), Boss Man grabs a pair of pliers to try and cut open the top. The dogs have at least stopped barking as Boss man has ripped open part of the Cell’s roof. A low blow brings Boss Man back down but he drops Snow with a shot to the face. It’s time for powder, which is knocked into the Boss Man’s eyes, as the dogs have been forgotten or the time being. Snow hits him in the head to bust Boss Man open as well and there’s a shovel shot to his back.

The dogs are looking at each other as Snow starts to unhook a turnbuckle. Snow can’t get one of the dogs to bite Boss Man’s arm so Boss Man hits Snow in the head with a nasty shovel shot (JR: “OH MAN! Ok that’ll be enough.”). Boss Man cuffs Snow to the turnbuckle as JR explains that you have to escape to win.

If that was mentioned before, it wasn’t exactly emphasized. Snow breaks the cuffs to escape and catches Boss Man trying to go through the ceiling. The dogs have been a complete non-factor and barely seen for about seven minutes now so Snow hits Boss Man with Head. Snow goes outside, climbs the Cell, and kicks the door open to retain as Boss Man gets out through the roof.

Rating: F. What in the world is there to say here? There are bad matches where you can see some kind of an idea that might have worked if something went well, but that was in no way shape or form the case here. I have no idea how this got green lit to be on the show, but it wasn’t exactly wrestling, it wasn’t exactly a hardcore match, it wasn’t exactly a cage match and it wasn’t exactly a Cell match.

The dogs were a total non factor and that isn’t a surprise as they aren’t likely trained television performers, so there was only so much they could do. This is just such a chase of wondering how no one stopped this in the setup process, as multiple people were apparently convinced this was a good idea. Absolutely all time awful match (a word I use loosely), but above all else I’m more interested in how we got here, because it should never have happened.

Mankind is going into the main event but is ready to take out the Rock if necessary.

Chris Jericho vs. X-Pac

This was added on Heat (as Ken Shamrock is gone) and Curtis Hughes is here with Jericho. The cage is still being taken down as Jericho makes his entrance so we get a lot of vamping. Before the match, Jericho says he’s here to save Charlotte and this boring, brutal pay per view by giving everyone what they really wanted to see: him! We actually get to the match and they go technical to start with neither getting very far.

Back up and X-Pac scores with some kicks so Jericho fires off the chops. The big kick misses for X-Pac and Jericho drops him with a clothesline. A missed charge lets X-Pac kick him down in the corner but X-Pac has to put the brakes on with the Bronco Buster. Jericho is knocked outside, where X-Pac’s big dive mostly hits the floor for the nasty crash. Back in and Jericho hits a nice missile dropkick, setting up the double arm crank.

That’s broken up so Jericho goes with a backbreaker to put him down again. The fans get distracted by something in the crowd as Jericho hits a slingshot splash for two (that one didn’t stick) and we hit the chinlock as the crowd calms down. Jericho hits the Lionsault and hammers away as the fans are STILL distracted (Geez how drunk was that fan?). The triangle dropkick sends X-Pac outside where Hughes gets in a cheap shot, as any good bodyguard should.

Back in and one heck of a spinwheel kick gives X-Pac a breather, allowing him to dive onto Hughes. Jericho gets dropped for two but manages a low blow to cut off the Bronco Buster. They go up top with X-Pac hitting a superplex for two, only to get caught with the double powerbomb for a rather delayed two. Jericho goes up but gets pulled down but this time X-Pac ties him in the Tree Of Woe for the Bronco Buster. That’s enough for Jericho as he decks the referee for the DQ.

Rating: B-. For a thrown together match, this could have been much worse, with the crowd distraction causing a big problem. They were able to stall long enough to avoid things getting out of hand and that’s a sign of people who know what they’re doing. I can get why X-Pac didn’t lose clean here, though Jericho absolutely feels like one of the hottest things in the company and a win would have suited everything a bit better.

Post match the double beating is on but Road Dogg runs in for the save.

We recap the Six Pack Challenge and here’s the short version: Mankind wins title, HHH wins title, everyone hates HHH, Vince wins title, Vince vacates title, HHH runs gimmick gauntlet, multiple gimmicks wasted in one night, six people fight for the title, British Bulldog doesn’t belong here.

WWF Title: HHH vs. Kane vs. Big Show vs. Mankind vs. The Rock vs. British Bulldog

For the vacant title, one fall to a finish, Kane has the awesome inverted gear, HHH is here with Chyna, and Steve Austin is the outside referee. Austin actually sits in on commentary and thankfully we have tags, meaning Rock and Bulldog start things off. Rock hammers him down into the corner but Bulldog gets in a quick shot, allowing HHH to come in and beat Rock down on the ropes.

A hot shot gets Rock out of trouble for two and it’s off to Kane, who misses an elbow as commentary argues over whether Jimmy Korderas is a scab referee. Show shoves Kane off the top as Austin says he doesn’t quite understand the concept here, despite it not being that complicated. Kane comes back in to drop Mankind with a clothesline but Mankind hits some running kicks, allowing Austin to make some dropkick jokes.

It’s back to Show, who gets enziguried out to the floor but he’s back in to superkick Kane. The rapid fire changes continue as Bulldog hits Rock low, which Austin says he can appreciate. The non-delayed suplex puts Rock down and it’s off to Mankind, who immediately tags out to Kane. Mankind comes right back in for a Texas piledriver to Kane for two but HHH comes in. That’s fine with Mankind, who sends him out into the steps and everything breaks down, with all six brawling up the aisle.

Mankind hits another Texas piledriver and sends HHH into the steps but Bulldog is right on him back inside. Kane beats on Rock on the floor as we settle down to Mankind stomping Bulldog in the corner. Mankind tags Rock in, with both JR and Austin not getting the thinking. Show comes in to kick Kane down and here are the rest of the referees to yell at Jimmy Korderas.

It’s back to Mankind as Austin has to get the other two commentators back on the match. The big elbow gives Show two, with Rock making the save. HHH and Rock fight to the floor with Rock stealing Austin’s beer for a drink. Back in and Kane Tombstones Mankind but Show tags himself in, only to get hit with the top rope clothesline. Bulldog powerslams Kane but gets Pedigreed for his efforts. Rock takes out HHH but gets DDTed by Mankind, setting up the Mandible Claw (Austin: “I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT!”).

The Mandible Claw is reversed into the Rock Bottom for two with HHH making the save this time. Show comes in to clean house and hits the chokeslam on Mankind but the other referees pull Korderas out and beat him up for crossing the picket lines. Austin beats up the referees and comes back in to count Rock’s two on HHH, with the fans going nuts. The Rock Bottom hits HHH but Show pulls Austin out. Back in and Bulldog chairs Rock into the Pedigree before Austin chairs Bulldog. Austin has to count the pin to make HHH the champion.

Rating: B. It was a fun match and the referee thing (as unnecessary as it was) did tie into the ending, with Austin already being set up as the first challenger, but there was just so much going on here. That’s a problem with just about everything going on in the company at the moment and the main event was no exception. Thank goodness for the tags here as it could have been even worse. Things also took their time to get going, but the ending was rather good with all of the big stars going nuts until the finish. Just calm down a bit more and let some things breathe.

Post match HHH yells at Austin, who lays him out with a Stunner to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The main event and the Tag Team Title match are good, but they’re not enough to carry a weak undercard and an all time mess of a Kennel match. The problem with having so many of the big stars in one match was clear here, as it didn’t leave much else for everyone to do. There are worse shows out there, but this was not a good one and is absolutely not worth a look, even with a few nice matches.

 

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Smackdown
Date: September 23, 1999
Location: Reunion Arena, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 13,348
Commentators: Michael Hayes, Michael Cole

It’s the last show before Unforgiven and things got a bit more interesting on Raw, as Vince McMahon made the main event of the pay per view for the vacant title. HHH will be involved as well, with Steve Austin as the referee to stack the odds even higher. Other than that, Jeff Jarrett is still a woman hating psycho so we’ll probably get more from him. Let’s get to it.

Here is Raw is you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Vince McMahon, who wastes no time in introducing HHH, naturally with Chyna. Vince brags about being back in charge, and if what he did to HHH on Monday was a headache, tonight will be a migraine. This Sunday, HHH will be facing five opponents at once, but tonight he’ll be facing all of them again , but one on one. And on top of that, we’ll have a special stipulation for each:

The Rock – Brahma Bull Rope Match

Undertaker – Casket Match

Mankind – Boiler Room Brawl

Kane – Inferno Match

Big Show – Chokeslam Challenge

Now, HHH doesn’t have to win all of the matches to keep his spot in the Six Pack Challenge, but he does have to win 3/5. And we’ll start here.

HHH vs. Big Show

Chokeslam Challenge, meaning you win by chokeslamming your opponent. Show fires off some headbutts to start but HHH slugs away in the corner. That earns him a heck of a chop but Show misses a charge. HHH tries a chokeslam, which goes as well as you would expect, with Show hitting one of his own for the win.

HHH: 0-1

Post match Show chokeslams him again and tries a third but a Chyna distraction is enough for the save.

The referees were on strike earlier today when the Dudley Boyz came in and beat them up.

Chris Jericho is ready to prove how dangerous he is tonight by making Ken Shamrock bleed. Just don’t get it on his clothes. That’s because they have a first blood match, because when HHH is in FIVE GIMMICK MATCHES, we need a sixth.

European Title: X-Pac vs. Mark Henry

X-Pac is challenging and here is D’Lo Brown to join commentary. X-Pac strikes away to start and is quickly launched into the air for a crash down onto the mat. The bearhug is broken up but the Bronco Buster misses. Henry hits a splash in the corner but misses an elbow, with Brown saying that’s why Henry needs to lose weight. X-Pac kicks away and hits the Bronco Buster before knocking Henry out to the floor…for the countout.

Rating: C. X-Pac can do the hit and run offense rather well and this was just believable enough to work. There wasn’t exactly much of a reason to believe that the title would change hands here as Brown vs. Henry is already set but this could have been far worse. If nothing else, at least it wasn’t a pinfall before a title match like Test pinning Jeff Jarrett on Raw.

Luna wants the Women’s Title.

Here is Jeff Jarrett, with Miss Kitty, for a chat. Jarrett introduces himself to the fans, which they should probably know if he’s the Intercontinental Champion, before saying Debra didn’t know her place and that’s why she’s injured. A stage manager asks Jarrett to wrap it up so Jarrett loads up the Figure Four. Cue Chyna with a frying pan to the head for the save, complete with Chyna giving him a soup ladle, frying pan and an apron. Then she steals his trunks and puts them on for a bonus. On Sunday, Jarrett will see who is wearing the pants and the title.

HHH vs. Kane

Inferno match and Chyna is here with HHH. Kane shrugs off the right hands to start but it’s too early to light HHH on fire. The facebuster and jumping knee to the face have Kane down, though not enough to light him on fire either. The Pedigree is blocked and Kane hits a chokeslam….but a bloody X-Pac is down on the stage. Undertaker, Mideon and Viscera show up as well so Kane dives over the fire onto the minions. A hard shot knocks Kane into the fire though and HHH wins.

Rating: D. So in one night, we’re not only burning through a bunch of gimmick matches, but also making them feel lame, as this was a three and a half minute match with interference. Kane vs. HHH in an Inferno Match is easily a pay per view level match, but here it is about 45 minutes into a Smackdown with no notice coming into the show. That’s Russo’s take on gimmick matches in a nutshell and it’s another big waste.

HHH: 1-1

Kane, with his hand still on fire, goes to check on X-Pac, which has to be some kind of a health hazard.

Post break and Kane is very upset at what happened to X-Pac.

Undertaker brags about hurting X-Pac and Kane as a result. With that, he’s ready to go, but Lilian Garcia brings up the casket match. Undertaker says that isn’t happening because Vince McMahon doesn’t order him to do anything. Vince pops in and says if he isn’t in the casket match, he’s not participating at Unforgiven either. Undertaker says maybe he won’t be participating in anything around here and walks away.

Here is the Rock for a chat. He doesn’t think too much of HHH bragging, but he does think something of the Dallas Stars in the front row. The Rock has asked to borrow the Stanley Cup (which the Stars won earlier in the year) for the purposes of personally violating HHH. Cue Mankind to interrupt, and while he doesn’t know who this Stanley guy is, but he has a cup (as in the protective kind) for the Rock, because we have to protect the People’s Jewels so we can have Rock Jr. one day.

Mankind thinks the people want to see the Boiler Room Brawl, because he is going to take a steel pipe, shine it up real nice, turn it sideways….and hit HHH right over the head with it! Cue Road Dogg to interrupt, saying no one wants to see the Boiler Room Brawl or the Brahma Bull Rope match. What people want to see is this, so here is Billy Gunn, as the Outlaws are back together. That sounds like a challenge, and Mankind says the Rock N Sock Connection is in.

Tag Team Titles: Rock N Sock Connection vs. New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws are challenging and Gunn neckbreakers Mankind for two to start. Dogg comes in to hammer away but it’s off to Rock to do the same. Mankind adds the running knee and whips Dogg into the barricade. Back in and Dogg hammers on Rock, who drops him with a single punch.

The low blow has Dogg in more trouble and it’s back to Mankind (who was already in the ring when he was tagged). Everything breaks down and Gunn breaks up the Rock Bottom as Mankind was already posing. Mankind is sent into the ropes, where his knee gives out as he collides with Rock. The Fameasser gives Gunn the pin and the titles totally clean.

Rating: C. Not the smoothest match but it was nice to see something go down without all kinds of shenanigans. At the same time, it’s weird to see the Outlaws getting the big face pop for the reunion against the super team of Rock and Mankind. You usually wouldn’t put two face teams together like that, but 1999 and all that. It does help that Rock and Mankind had to do something before facing HHH, making things a bit more even.

The Outlaws hit their catchphrase as the team is back.

Vince McMahon swaps Mideon and Viscera in for Undertaker in the casket match.

HHH doesn’t care.

Al Snow is worried about someone being late and checks his watch, which he needs to get fixed as it’s running slow. Snow is not wearing a watch.

HHH vs. Mideon/Viscera

Casket Match and the rather busy Chyna is here with HHH as well. HHH slugs away to start but gets taken down, with Viscera’s splash hitting Mideon by mistake. Chyna gets in a low blow on Viscera so HHH hits a Pedigree each and throws Mideon in for the win. Or not actually, as Shane McMahon says HHH has to put BOTH of them in the casket at the same time. The double teaming is on again and some splashes crush HHH for the easy win. Not long enough to rate counting the Shane interference, but egads the overbooking is nuts on this show.

HHH: 1-2

Ivory agrees to face Luna in a hardcore match for the Women’s Title at Unforgiven.

Hardcore Holly vs. Al Snow

Hardcore match and Crash Holly is in Hardcore’s corner. Before the match, Hardcore says Al Snow owes him a favor for injuring Big Boss Man on Raw. Holly hammers away to start and hits a dropkick as commentary talks about everything else going on tonight. We see Big Boss Man tormenting the rottweilers in a car in the back, which fires Snow up. Snow takes out an invading Crash but walks into the Falcon Arrow for the fast pin.

Post match Big Boss Man runs in and feeds Al Snow dog food.

HHH vs. Mankind

Boiler Room Brawl, with the winner being the first person to escape as soon as the door is closed. For some reason HHH doesn’t just step right back outside, instead waiting for Mankind to charge at him and start the brawl. They hit each other with various things as HHH takes over, including hitting him with a big metal pole.

Mankind hits him in the back with a wooden stick but a whip into a transformer cuts him off. A suplex onto a bunch of bolts has Mankind in more trouble but instead of leaving, HHH misses a shot with a pipe. The Mandible Claw has HHH mostly out cold and Mankind goes to leave, only to stop and go for an elbow. Never mind that Foley would have had to jump 15 feet, but someone we can’t see shoves him off the platform for a crash (nowhere near HHH), allowing HHH to win.

Rating: D. Add it to the list of matches we had to rush through to get everything included on this show. This one didn’t exactly work because of the time (shocking) but also because the boiler room was rather cramped and they couldn’t do much. The big crash at the end looked good, but it was also pretty much given away because Foley would have been six feet short on a dive even if no one had pushed him.

HHH: 2-2

The British Bulldog is looking for Vince McMahon.

Ken Shamrock vs. Chris Jericho

First Blood and Jericho is in full Buffalo Sabers hockey gear, complete with a face mask. Shamrock strikes away to start before throwing him down by the mask a few times. A posting doesn’t do much good for Shamrock but Jericho is at least rather shaken up. Back in and Shamrock kicks him low before finally getting smart enough to take off the mask. Cue Curtis Hughes for a distraction, allowing Jericho to get in some hockey stick shots. A top rope splash makes Shamrock bleed internally to wrap it up. That would be it for Shamrock in WWE, as he loses a First Blood match in less than three minutes. Thrilling.

Vince McMahon meets with British Bulldog, who was promised a WWF Title shot. Works for Vince, who gives him Undertaker’s spot in the Six Pack Challenge. Bulldog is pleased, so he’ll be special referee for the Brahma Bull Rope match. Vince doesn’t quite get it but signs of anyway. Bulldog is a stretch for a pay per view main event but if Undertaker is hurt, it’s all they could do.

HHH vs. The Rock

Brahma Bull Rope match, meaning a strap match with pinfalls and submissions, British Bulldog is guest referee and HHH, with Chyna, has to win to stay in the Six Pack Challenge. Rock hammers away to start and they’re on the floor early on. Make that out into the crowd where the camera takes a second to catch up.

HHH gets the better of things before they go back to ringside, where Rock manages a whip into the steps for two on the floor, because this is apparently falls count anywhere. Back in and HHH knocks him down, setting up a low blow. Hold on though as Bulldog and HHH get into a fight, allowing Rock to punch HHH out to the floor again.

A DDT on the floor gets another near fall (because that’s a near fall in HHH’s fifth match of the night) and they fight up to the entrance. Cue Jeff Jarrett to hit Chyna in the back with a frying pan to knock her cold, setting up a Figure Four. Jarrett lets that go in a few seconds and leaves as the people actually in the match get back inside. The facebuster drops Rock but he’s back with the Rock Bottom…and Bulldog drops HHH with a clothesline. The running powerslam sets up the Pedigree to give HHH the win.

Rating: D-. So there was interference that didn’t matter in the result of the match, interference that did matter in the main event and the bull rope didn’t add a thing to the whole thing. I get that they had to do something with another gimmick, but the falls count anywhere thing was out of nowhere and the whole thing was a mess. Maybe it’s just gimmick overload, but this was the one last bad thing on a show full of them.

HHH: 3-2

Bulldog and HHH beat Rock down to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Here’s what’s so frustrating about this show: there is a good idea in there somewhere. HHH having to run a gauntlet to stay in a title match isn’t a terrible idea (though it’s quite a good guy thing rather than something you would normally see from a mega heel) but this was all taking place in the span of less than two hours with no notice. Since wrestling five matches in one night for anyone is tricky enough, having those five matches last about half an hour at most combined. It’s hard to fathom how you can run through THAT MUCH in one night, but Russo managed to pull it off.

That’s in addition to a hardcore match and First Blood match, plus two more matches. It’s a case of what could have been and good night there was a lot of potential wasted here. This felt like a video game more than a wrestling show, and it’s also a good example of why that’s a really bad idea. Horrible execution here, even if there was something of an idea.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 20, 1999
Location: Compaq Center, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 11,879
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Vince McMahon is the WWF Champion. What else is there to say in a situation like this? McMahon won the title from HHH in little more than a fluke after interference from Steve Austin and that means things are going to get even wackier around here. We’re also six days away from Unforgiven so we’ll have to see where things go. Let’s get to it.

Here is Smackdown if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of HHH challenging Vince McMahon to a WWF Title match on Smackdown and somehow managing to lose the title, albeit thanks to Steve Austin.

Opening sequence.

JR calls this an action adventure series. Good grief Vince stop overthinking things.

Here is Vince McMahon, who opens his jacket to reveal the title in a great shot. Vince says anything can happen in the World Wrestling Federation and the grin is amazing. The thing is, due to a previous agreement, he can’t have anything to do with day to day business. Therefore, the title is officially vacant and the winner of the Six Pack Challenge at Unforgiven will be the new champion.

Cue Steve Austin to interrupt, saying that while they can’t stand each other, the place hasn’t been the same without him. Austin gets to the point though: if Vince isn’t in the match at Unforgiven, there are five people in a Six Pack and Austin doesn’t like an incomplete Six Pack. He wants Vince to put him in the match but that would be doing business so Vince isn’t allowed.

Cue HHH and Chyna, again with security, to interrupt. HHH is livid and wants the title shot too….but Austin says there are 16,000 (not quite) people calling him an a******. HHH threatens Vince, only to have Shane McMahon come out and say no one in his family is getting hurt. Tonight, we’ll do Vince/Shane vs. HHH/Chyna, which surprises Vince.

Shane leaves and Vince recaps the “I can’t do business” thing, but Austin says that the fine print (HELLO RUSSO!) says Austin and Austin alone can reinstate him. He’ll do it for a title shot, which works for Vince….but Austin will face the winner rather than being in the Six Pack Challenge. HHH is in the match, because it means more people can beat him up.

HHH says screw Vince, but Vince says screw HHH, because Austin is going to be the guest enforcer. They were rushing through stuff here and the “you didn’t read the fine print” stuff is always horrible. Otherwise, Vince dropping the belt is fine as there was no reason to keep the title on him for any length of time.

Rock meets a security guard named Louise and sings her some Elvis as a birthday present. And gives her money.

Mankind is in the boiler room and gets in a fight with Mideon, who appears to just be browsing. Viscera comes in to help beat Mankind out through the door, where Big Show helps beat him up as we take a break. During the break, the Rock made the save.

Video on Ken Shamrock vs. Chris Jericho.

The referees are still on strike.

Chris Jericho vs. Billy Gunn

Curtis Hughes is here too. Jericho’s shoulder runs Gunn over to start (that’s a surprise) but Gunn is back up with a suplex. They head outside where Gunn goes after Hughes, allowing Jericho to come back with a triangle dropkick. The floor pads are peeled back but Gunn suplexes him onto…well onto the pads actually. Hughes gets in a cheap shot but Gunn is fine enough to grab a powerslam for two back inside. The Jackhammer connects, only for Jericho to grab replacement referee Tom Prichard. That lets Hughes DDT Gunn onto the concrete, so the Walls can finish the out cold Gunn.

Rating: C+. Yeah you had interference and such, but this was as close as you’re going to get to a clean match around here. Jericho gets a win over someone with some status, but it also makes Hughes look like that much more of a threat. Hughes looked like a goof in his first appearances, so having him actually help Jericho is a good move.

Mankind tells Michael Cole to know his mouth and shut his role (yep) because he wants Big Show and Undertaker to defend the Tag Team Titles against himself and the Rock. Cue the Rock to complain about a broken watch, even though he wasn’t here to do anything but sing Happy Birthday to….that old woman whose name he can’t remember.

After putting a Rock shirt over Cole’s head (Rock didn’t like how he was looking at him), Rock goes on about Undertaker not liking his trash talk. Rock even talks trash in his sleep (and he demonstrates) and the challenge is on. Mankind keeps the shirt and insists that everything between himself and Rock is platonic.

Undertaker tells Rock to find his writers to come up with an apology for him because he’s in trouble. The title match is on, under Darkside Rules, whatever that means.

Here is Ivory, who says it’s time to party. She’s sick of all the vermin and insects in this time (JR: “I haven’t seen any rats!”) but will defend the title against any sick creature on the roster, like Luna Vachon! For now though, she issues a challenge to anyone in the crowd and here’s a woman to accept. And of course it’s Luna.

Luna vs. Ivory

Non-title and Luna gives her a slam into a DDT for the pin in short order.

D’Lo Brown says he was just trying to look out for his friend when he tried to get Mark Henry in better shape. He’s ready to beat Henry up at Unforgiven, but Henry chairs him in the back.

The McMahons talk strategy.

Post break, D’Lo Brown jumps in a car and drives off, presumably after Mark Henry.

Test, with Stephanie McMahon, is ready for a street fight against Jeff Jarrett. Cue Jarrett, who says he wants a mixed tag instead, with Stephanie and Debra as partners. Stephanie accepts and even Test knows this is a really bad idea.

Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

Gangrel is here with the Hardys and the Acolytes are on commentary. Bradshaw gives the Acolytes’ three demandments: don’t drink our beer, don’t mess with our rats and don’t cut a promo on us! Stevie Richards walks down, dressed as a Dudley Boy, as Faarooq mocks Bubba Ray’s stutter. Richards’ distraction doesn’t work but he gets in a brawl with Gangrel, allowing Matt to get two off a neckbreaker. Instead it’s a suplex into the Swanton for two on D-Von, only for Bubba to powerbomb Jeff on the floor. Matt misses a moonsault and the 3D finishes him off.

Post match the Acolytes are in to brawl with the Dudleyz, with Richards and Gangrel still fighting. There was WAY too much going on in this whole thing, but Bradshaw going unhinged was funny.

Jeff Jarrett puts the makeup woman in the Figure Four.

Jeff Jarrett/Debra vs. Test/Stephanie McMahon

Test slams him down to start but Jarrett is back up with a shot to the face. Debra won’t tag in so Test hits the pumphandle powerslam. The top rope elbow connects and Stephanie pins Jarrett in less than two minutes. Remember that Jarrett is the reigning Intercontinental Champion with a pay per view title defense, not against Test, in six days.

Post match Jarrett yells at Debra and puts her in the Figure Four.

Rock isn’t listening to anything Mankind says. Mankind: “ROODY POO!”

Undertaker is talking to Kane.

Tag Team Titles: Mankind/The Rock vs. Big Show/Undertaker

Undertaker and Big Show are defending in Darkside Rules which means….no idea yet, but Rock thinks it means Mideon and Viscera will get involved. Rock didn’t like Undertaker suggesting that Rock has writers, so he wrote his own little rhyme about sending Undertaker to the Smackdown Hotel. Undertaker sits in on commentary and still won’t explain the rules, but here are Mideon and Viscera, just like the Rock predicted.

Apparently this is now a handicap match (with Rock and Show in street clothes) as Mideon and Mankind start things off. Mankind hits a running knee in the corner but Show takes him outside for a rather hard toss. It’s quickly off to Rock for the Rock Bottom on Viscera with Mideon having to make the save (Undertaker: “That’s harmony.” Harmony?). Cue Kane, whose top rope clothesline hits Big Show, apparently on purpose. Kane knocks Show to the floor and leaves, with Undertaker swearing Vengeance. The Mandible Claw, Rock Bottom and People’s Elbow finish Mideon to give Rock and Mankind the titles.

Rating: C-. Sure why not. That’s the reaction to a lot of these things, but Rock and Mankind were able to make almost anything work. It’s becoming more and more obvious that Undertaker is injured and unable to wrestle at the moment, so this was about the only way to get the titles off of he and Show. Not much of a match of course because that’s not the point, but a coherent ten minute match would be nice for a change.

Marianna, looking roughed up, says she made a mistake with Shawn Stasiak but doesn’t deserve this. Chaz comes up and gets taken away by cops. So not only are they doing a domestic abuse angle, but Chaz was wearing Scooby Doo boxers.

Undertaker sends his minions after Kane.

Steve Blackman vs. Shawn Stasiak

Val Venis comes out with Blackman’s bag of weapons and joins commentary as Stasiak kicks away in the corner. Venis makes references about Blackman being, uh, small in certain areas as JR hears a buzzing noise. They trade kicks as commentary keeps going on about the buzzing. Blackman grabs the bag and finds…a vibrator. Stasiak gets a rollup for the fast pin. Keep in mind that we went from a domestic abuse angle to this in the span of five minutes.

Here is Undertaker to call Kane a weak coward and it ends tonight. Cue Kane, but here are Mideon, Viscera and Big Show to beat him down. Kane is covered in gasoline but Show can’t get the lighter to work, allowing Mankind and Rock to make the save with baseball bats.

Earlier today, Al Snow had a funeral for Pepper, with the rottweilers standing guard. Snow swears vengeance….and then we cut to a still from GTV of Big Boss Man relieving himself on the grave.

Hardcore Holly vs. Big Boss Man

Hardcore match with Crash Holly in Hardcore’s corner. After Hardcore makes a reference to Boss Man being, uh, soft in a certain personal area, they fight to the floor to start. Boss Man hits him with a chair but Hardcore breaks a pitcher over Boss Man’s head. Cue Al Snow on screen to show the rottweilers attacking a dummy. Boss Man handcuffs Hardcore to the rope but Crash gets in a shot with a wrench for the pin (with Hardcore still cuffed).

Mark Henry is at a strip club when D’Lo Brown attacks. The dancers were totally fine with a full camera crew filming them on national TV.

Jeff Jarrett jumps Chyna again but HHH and security break it up.

HHH/Chyna vs. Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon

Before the match, HHH promises to win the WWF Title back and neither Vince nor Austin can do anything about it. Hold on though as there’s no Vince, as there is a forklift blocking his dressing room door. We have a substitute though.

HHH/Chyna vs. Test/Shane McMahon

It’s a brawl to start with Shane spearing Chyna and then doing the same to HHH before all four fight outside. Back in and Shane gets crotched on the buckle as something resembling a tag match breaks out. HHH stomps away and hits the facebuster for two before Chyna grabs the chinlock.

That’s broken up and Shane brings in Test to hammer on HHH In the corner. What looks to be a superplex is broken up but Shane is back in with the Bronco Buster. Cue Jeff Jarrett to draw Chyna to the back, leaving HHH to block Test’s top rope elbow. Another low blow puts Shane down again so HHH decks the referee. Back to back Pedigrees leave Shane and Test laying so HHH wears them out with a chair, which is enough for the DQ.

Rating: C. This was thee closest thing to a match that I’ve seen around here in a few months so it could have been worse. HHH going out there to wreck people is acceptable in this case as Test had already wrestled (barely, but he did wrestle) and Shane isn’t a full time wrestler, meaning it was logical enough. Not much of a match and too much going on, but that’s how things work around here.

Post match HHH goes to leave but Vince McMahon pops up to hit him with a chair to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. As has been the case forever with Russo, the problem comes down to “slow down already”. There is just so much going on and it hurts the good things that are taking place. It’s easy enough to keep track of stuff, but having Chaz beating up his ex-girlfriend (or at last implying it) and then the stuff with Venis and Blackman comes so far out of left field and brings things down. They really need to cut out the terrible parts to boost this up, because even Austin and company can only do so much with nonsense like “here’s the fine print”.

 

 

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Smackdown
Date: September 16, 1999
Location: Thomas And Mack Center, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 8,219
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re getting closer to Unforgiven and in this case everything is crashing down around HHH. While he survived a title match with Steve Austin on Raw, Vince McMahon is back after HHH went after Linda McMahon. That can’t end well, but we still don’t have a #1 contender to the pay per view in ten days. Let’s get to it.

Here is Raw if you need a recap.

We open with the referees on strike over unsafe working conditions. Why do wrestling promotions think stories about referees are interesting?

Opening sequence.

Here is Steve Austin to get things going. Just because he got disqualified against HHH on Raw doesn’t mean that they’re done with each other by a long shot. When HHH beat him in the knee with a chair, he should have done that much more, because HHH didn’t get the job done. Austin wants a rematch right here tonight and we should make it No Holds Barred.

Or if HHH wants to do this the hard way, Austin can just beat him so badly that he’s going to the hospital. Cue HHH and Chyna, with a bunch of cops backing them up. HHH says that’s not happening because Austin has to go to the back of the line. The title will be defended tonight though, against a main eventer of HHH’s choice. Austin promises to follow HHH all night and it’s going to involve his foot going….well you get the idea.

HHH will officially defend the title in a Six Pack Challenge at Unforgiven after the five way match went to a no contest. That’s a heck of a way to jump from nothing to something.

Here is Shane McMahon, who calls out Joey Abs because of what Joey said about Stephanie McMahon on Raw. Cue the Mean Street Posse, with Terri, so Shane dives onto Joey to start fast.

Shane McMahon vs. Joey Abs

There’s no referee because of the strike, making me wonder why the bell ring if there was no one to call it. The rest of the Posse jumps Shane before going outside as Stephanie and Test are watching in the back. Here is Gerald Brisco to count two off Shane’s rollup and another two off Joey’s suplex.

Shane’s jumping back elbow gets two but Briscoe gets in a fight with Pete Gas on the floor. Rodney comes in to beat on Shane, who fights the off as Pat Patterson, in shorts, comes out to count two on Joey, with Rodney breaking that up as well. Shane hits a corkscrew Swanton (close to a Spinal Tap) for the pin with Shawn Stasiak of all people coming in as the third referee.

Rating: C-. A match between Shane McMahon and a member of the Mean Street Posse, which didn’t even last four minutes, had three referees, two people interfering, and two fights involving some of those referees, who were replacements because the referees are on strike. That’s about as 1999 as you can get and it’s rather exhausting to keep track of all this stuff. That being said, the place was going nuts for Shane, which is one of the reasons he was around so often.

Post match Stephanie comes out and drops Joey again.

Here is Women’s Champion Ivory, who is SO EXCITED that actress/model Cindy Margolis is here. She invites Cindy into the ring and gushes over Cindy’s beauty and star power. Ivory asks Cindy to do one of the poses she gets downloaded on her website but Cindy declines. That doesn’t work for Ivory, who threatens violence if it doesn’t happen. Cindy eventually does it…and here is Jeff Jarrett to put Cindy in the Figure Four, with Cindy kind of begging him not to and then grabbing her knee. Jarrett Figure Fours Ivory for a bonus.

HHH, in trunks but without elbow pads for a weird look, says he won’t be defending against Steve Austin.

European Title: Mark Henry vs. Steve Blackman

Henry is defending after skipping a tag match with Blackman on Raw. Tony Garea is referee as Blackman kicks Henry down without much trouble. Cue Val Venis with a kendo stick to Blackman though, allowing Henry to get the easy pin.

Post match D’Lo Brown comes in and Sky Highs Henry (that wasn’t bad).

Jeff Jarrett yells at Cindy Margolis as she is put in an ambulance. Test comes in for the brawl.

Post break Jarrett challenges Test to a match tonight.

Here is Chris Jericho, with Curtis Hughes, for a chat. Jericho declares himself one bad mamma jamma and says Ken Shamrock has finally admitted defeat. Shamrock has begged him to make sure that they never meet face to face again and then licked the dust off Jericho’s boots in gratitude. He’s also begged Hughes to not rip him limb from limb, but Jericho is allowing Hughes to take his place against Shamrock tonight. That’s not all though, because Jericho has a special guest referee for this match: the masked Mexican legend, El Dopo!

Curtis Hughes vs. Ken Shamrock

Chris Jericho is on commentary as Shamrock takes Hughes down and strikes away. Hughes takes him to the floor for a drop onto the barricade as Cole dares to ask Jericho why he won’t face Shamrock. With that nonsense out of the way, Shamrock fights up and sends Hughes into various steel objects. Jericho offers a distraction though and Hughes cuts Shamrock off so the double teaming can be on. Back in and Hughes drops an elbow for two but Shamrock kneebars him. Hughes grabs the rope so Dopo immediately calls for the DQ.

Post match Shamrock is livid and unmasks Dopo as Howard Finkel, which was fairly obvious as soon as he came into the arena.

Mankind is expecting total mayhem in the five man Royal Rumble, but he and Rock will be working as a team. They’re like an automobile, with Rock being a fine engine and Mankind being the one who holds the bags. Yes he’s the rear end, but he’s the People’s Rear End. And he doesn’t like HHH either!

Remember how the referees were on strike earlier today? They’re still on strike.

Royal Rumble

Five entrants, because we need 1/6 size Royal Rumble with one minute intervals. Rock is in at #1 and talks about how Big Show, Kane or Undertaker need to go play the People’s Slow Machine to land three Brahma Bulls. You’d see Undertaker, with his Mickey Mouse tattoos and his 33lb head jumping around like a girl, Kane doing cartwheels and using his voicebox to say “I won, I won, let’s party”, and Big Show just scaring people in general.

Then the Rock himself would arrive, watch the tears stream down their cheeks, and gather up all the gold coins that they won and…well you know the bit. Anyway, after that whole thing, which I remember reciting with my friends when I was 11 because it was the funniest thing I had ever heard at the time, Big Show is in at #2 and we’re ready to go.

Rock strikes away to start but gets sent face first into the buckle to cut him off. Mankind ins in at #3 and the double teaming has Show in trouble. After what felt like a rather quick minute, Kane is in at #4 so Rock hammers away on him as Show chokes Mankind in the corner. Undertaker, in street clothes, is in at #5 to complete the field but he sits in on commentary rather than getting inside. The other four brawl, with Mankind clotheslining Kane out, only to get thrown out by Rock. Show hits a chokeslam on Rock but can’t throw him out, which is enough for Undertaker to get in the ring and dump them both for the win.

Rating: C-. What is there to say about a match like this? It wasn’t long and ended with something of a screwy finish as Undertaker did one thing and won the match. There was nothing but bragging rights on the line and that doesn’t leave much in the way of interest. Having the star power in there helped, but you need something more interesting for those stars to do.

Post match Mideon and Viscera come in to help Show beat Rock down.

Here are the Hollys to say Chyna has had more than enough time to find a partner. Cue Chyna, who is going to do this on her own.

Hollys vs. Chyna

Chyna forearms Crash (whose gear says HARDCORE HOLLY) to start so it’s quickly off to Hardcore (whose gear also says HARDCORE HOLLY). A shot to the face staggers Hardcore as well and it’s a double low blow to put the cousins down. Hardcore takes Chyna down and here is Billy Gunn to join in as Chyna’s partner. That doesn’t go well to start as a double elbow to the face puts Chyna down and Hardcore adds a suplex. Chyna DDTs her way to freedom though and it’s Gunn coming in to clean house. The Fameasser is good for the fast pin.

Rating: C. Another nothing mach but at least it was long enough to rate for once. In theory Chyna would want to go it alone here and isn’t likely to be happy with Gunn for making the save. The match was just kind of there to give Chyna a reason to get mad, and there are worse options available.

Post match Chyna yells at Gunn, as she didn’t want help, but here is Jeff Jarrett to hit her in the back with a frying pan and cover her with an apron. Jarrett gives her a soup ladle and the frying pan, saying now all she has to do is start fixing him supper.

Big Boss Man, with a bag labeled “DOGGIE BAG” is ready for….the Pepper On A Pole match. Sweet goodness can Russo quit already?

Big Boss Man vs. Al Snow

Pepper On A Pole, because this is a thing. Snow stops away to start and hits the trapping headbutts (strong grapple plus up plus B) but it’s too early to get the bag. Boss Man catches a diving Snow and then hits him with the nightstick. Cue the rottweilers from Raw with the British Bulldog for a distraction, allowing Boss Man to grab the bag…which doesn’t count as he throws it to the floor, allowing Snow to grab it for the win. The remains of a dog on a pole match involving the British Bulldog leading a team of rottweilers is the match that SETS UP the big gimmick match between these two. For the Hardcore Title.

HHH and Chyna are in the back, with Steve Austin stalking them.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Test

Jarrett, with Miss Kitty and Debra, is defending. Test kicks him in the face to start but Jarrett comes back as the Mean Street Posse comes out. A powerslam plants Jarrett as Stephanie, Shane and the Stooges come out to brawl as everything is thrown out. The fans of course want puppies.

Post match the brawl stays on and Jarrett damages Test’s shoulder. Shane saves Stephanie from Jarrett’s Figure Four.

Here is HHH, with Chyna to defend the WWF Title and there are a bunch of cops on the stage, presumably to cut off an invading Steve Austin. We cut to the back where Stephanie McMahon and Test (with his bad shoulder) are leaving, which writes Test out of the list of possible challengers. HHH says he gets to pick the guest referee, so he would like Shane McMahon to get out here.

With Shane here, HHH says he won’t be facing Undertaker, Big Show or Kane, which leaves the Rock. Since Rock has an obsession with putting things in a certain place on various people, Rock can kiss HHH’s so it’s not him. That leaves one option, and it’s someone with testicles thee size of grapefruits (Lawler: “ME???”).

HHH calls out Vince McMahon and is willing to put the title on the line to get a piece of him. We cut to the back, where Vince doesn’t want to do it but HHH suggests doing, uh, things, with Linda McMahon, which is enough to get Vince out here. Vince still says no but HHH tells him to go hide behind his skirt. HHH throws in that he can keep it up with Linda all night long and that’s enough to start the match.

WWF Title: HHH vs. Vince McMahon

Vince is challenging and hammers away in the corner, only for HHH to stomp him down without much effort. The comeback is cut off again and referee Shane McMahon does not approve. HHH fires off some shoulders in the corner and stomps Vince down even more, allowing Chyna to get in a cheap shot of her own as the beating continues.

They go outside with HHH choking with a camera cable. HHH beats him onto the announcers’ table and drops an elbow through it, with Shane’s pleas to stop not getting him anywhere. Back in and Chyna hands HHH a chair, allowing him to shove Shane down and blast Vince in the head. Shane tackles HHH down and hammers away so Chyna comes in for the save, with HHH chairing Shane in the head as well.

Cue Linda McMahon and the Stooges, with the men getting beaten down too. Chyna holds Linda so she has to watch HHH beat on the bloody Vince. The Pedigree is loaded up and heeeeere’s Austin to beat HHH down. HHH and Chyna get a Stunner each…and Austin puts Vince on top so Shane can count the pin to make Vince champion. As Austin’s music plays.

Rating: C. The match was little more than a squash until Austin came in at the end, making this the second time Austin has caused a title change in such a similar way this year (after the famous Mankind win). Vince barely got in any offense but there is nothing wrong with that kind of a story in small doses. After Vince was around the main event scene for so long, having him win the title isn’t the biggest shock, especially on a fluke like this. It was fun, and that’s what it needed to be.

HHH chases Austin through the crowd as Vince is helped up. Brisco jumps up and down to celebrate as the show ends. This was such goofy fun and Vince was always right in the middle of everything that having him win the title, even on a fluke like this, was rather entertaining.

Overall Rating: C. The ending didn’t save the show but it was good enough to carry it across the finish line. Above all else, there are still too many completely insane things going on (Pepper On A Pole) but things like Chris Jericho and Shane McMahon are bringing things up a bit. Austin is at his usual incredibleness and the show is still working, but dang they could be so much better if they got rid of some of the nonsense.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 13, 1999
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 11,186
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re closing in on Unforgiven and the big story continues to be HHH vs. the world. Steve Austin returned last week on Smackdown to nearly kill HHH with a semi truck and that means we might have the challenge for the pay per view in sight. Other than that, the rest of the company is as wacky as usual and that should make for an eventful night. Let’s get to it.

Here is Smackdown is you need a recap.

We look at Steve Austin attempting to murder HHH, who has quite a few people after him.

Opening sequence.

A bunch of people (Undertaker, Big Show, Kane, Mankind, Steve Austin) all seem to be looking for HHH.

Speaking of HHH, he gets a full police motorcade escort.

Here is Linda McMahon, with the Stooges, for a chat. Linda wastes no time in making a five way match tonight for the #1 contendership at Unforgiven. For now though, HHH has to remain champion and if Steve Austin wants a title shot, he can have it. Tonight. Cue HHH and Chyna (with security) to interrupt and things are not looking positive. HHH goes on a rant about how Linda is screwing him over but HHH tells her how things go. Cue Big Show, Undertaker, Rock, Mankind and Kane for a brawl, with HHH escaping.

We recap Jeff Jarrett attacking Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young on Smackdown.

Jarrett issues an open challenge to any woman.

The Rock, with Mankind, talks about how he is back in Anaheim and is ready to face anyone to get to HHH. This includes Mankind, even if they are friends. Mankind is ready to have feelings but he’s ready for Rock to beat him up.

Jeff Jarrett vs. ???

Miss Kitty and Debra are here with Jarrett and it’s….Luna Vachon answering the challenge. Luna charges in and gets stomped down to start, followed by a shot to the face. Jarrett hammers away in the corner but cue Ivory to hit Luna with a guitar for the DQ.

Post match Jarrett does not like Lilian Garcia announcing Luna as the winner so he puts Garcia in the Figure Four.

Chyna is not impressed with Jarrett and threatens Steve Austin with a sledgehammer.

Faarooq vs. D-Von Dudley

Strap match, just because. Faarooq starts fast and snaps off a powerslam before choking with the strap. D-Von fights back and chokes away, followed by some nasty whipping. Back up and the spinebuster gets Faarooq out of trouble, only for Bubba to hit a nasty chair to the head to give D-Von the pin.

Post match Bradshaw gets taken out with the steps but comes back with a chair to clear out the Dudleyz.

Undertaker and Big Show are ready to take out HHH, who is now the hunted instead of the hunter. Even the Crocodile Hunter can’t save them now. As for Rock, they’re going to be on him like the leather pants on the girl in the front row. This is a weird version of Undertaker and hopefully it doesn’t last long.

Jim Ross brings out the British Bulldog for a chat. Last week he gave Al Snow the Hardcore Title back because Snow deserves it. He’s also back because he wants to show that he can still do this after his injury. There is only one belt that he has left to win and that is the WWF Title. That’s the one thing he wants to win before he retires, which won’t be for a long time.

Cue the Big Boss Man to interrupt because he did not like Bulldog interrupting him last week. Before this is over between them, Bulldog is going home in a doggy bag. Cue Al Snow (he’s barking) to sing about where oh where has his Boss Man gone. Snow: “There you are Ray!” Snow recaps the Pepper saga and challenges him to a match, which will involve a cage inside the Cell, but Boss Man is only interested if the Hardcore Title is on the line. Snow says sure, so Boss Man is in, but also ready to fight tonight.

One more thing though: Snow introduces some rottweilers who will be in between the two cages. Bulldog jumps Boss Man from behind and they fight at ringside with Boss Man getting the better of things, only to be chased off by the dogs. You could hear them trying to make sense of this as they were explaining the concept and it was showing badly. No one could make this sound good, as it’s a total mess.

The Mean Street Posse, with Terri, doesn’t like Test so they’re going to beat him up, even if Shane McMahon doesn’t want them to. Oh and Stephanie McMahon is a tramp.

Someone has attacked Shane McMahon.

Tony Chimmel comes out to take over for the Fink.

Joey Abs vs. Test

The rest of the Posse is here too and they all ump Test before the bell, allowing Joey to grab a suplex for an early two. Test gets in a shot of his own though and the comeback is on. A full nelson slam puts Abs down but the Posse comes in again. That’s broken up and Test grabs a powerbomb for the fast pin.

Post match the beatdown is on again but Shane McMahon runs in for the save. The Posse is chased outside with Shane and Test giving chase in their car.

WWF Title: Steve Austin vs. HHH

Austin, in street clothes, is challenging. Hold on though as HHH is in street clothes as well and has some cops (and Chyna) with him. HHH brings up the aggravated assault from Smackdown and has personally signed a warrant for Austin’s arrest (I don’t think that’s how warrants work). The cops handcuff and arrest Austin, with HHH getting a cheap shot because of course. No match if that wasn’t clear.

Post break Austin is put in a police car and HHH takes Linda McMahon’s phone and throws it down.

Godfather vs. Chaz

Apparently Chaz and Marianna have amicably ended their relationship, so Godfather isn’t going to offer him the ladies this week. Chaz takes him down with a drop toehold to start and works on the arm as the ladies dance and shout a lot on the floor. Some arm cranking ensues but cue Marianna (wit a black eye) to ask Chaz why. Godather isn’t happy and kicks him into the corner, setting up the Ho Train (but an angry one you see), followed by the Pimp Drop for the pin. That’s not a place you want to go with a wrestling storyline and it doesn’t feel great here.

The Stooges try to get Linda McMahon to leave but she’s staying because it’s family business.

We recap X-Pac and Kane going their separate ways.

A cage is lowered and here is Chris Jericho, but believe it or not he has something to say. Jericho calls out Ken Shamrock, who is certainly a SHAM, but he certainly doesn’t work. This is the Jericho Prison and he is ready to prove himself against one of the most proficient fighters in the world. This brings out GOTCH GRACIE, a masked man who has trained everywhere (Lawler: “JR, you probably know where he played college football!”).

Chris Jericho vs. Gotch Gracie

Gracie is in a mask and all black, with his shirt saying GOTCH. Jericho (“Here goes nothing!”) takes him down for a bow and arrow beore grabbing the mic and saying that could have broken his back. Jericho puts on an Octopus Hold and muscles him over for a suplex, with Jericho saying that’s enough. Gracie fights back with a clothesline but gets pulled into the Liontamer for the fast pin.

Post match Jericho goes for an ankle lock but Ken Shamrock runs in. Jericho and Gracie beat Shamrock down and Gracie is unmasked as….Curtis (Mr.) Hughes. That’s not the best reveal but you know exactly what you’re getting with Hughes.

D’Lo Brown and Godfather have a business transaction.

Chris Jericho shows he just proved that he is the most dangerous man in the WWF. He went out and got Curtis Hue to protect Shamrock from Jericho himself.

Kane vs. Mankind vs. Big Show vs. Undertaker vs. The Rock

For a title shot at Unforgiven and for some reason Undertaker and Show are introduced with a combined weight. The two of them jump Mankind before everyone else get here but argue over the pin. Rock and Kane come out as well with Kane hitting the top rope clothesline on Mankind.

Cue Mideon and Viscera to jump Mankind as this is just a big brawl rather than much of a match. Mankind manages a double arm DDT on Kane but Undertaker drops the referee. Rock gives Undertaker a DDT into the People’s Elbow as another referee comes in, only to get taken out by Kane.

More referees and agents come in and get decked as well, followed by Earl Hebner, who throws up his hands and leaves. Cue the Godfather to go after Undertaker (it goes badly), Crash Holly to go after Big Show (it goes worse) and more people who are beaten up just as quickly. The locker room empties out and everyone starts fighting with everyone as this is thrown out.

Rating: C. What is there to say about something like this? It’s barely a match and is much more about a bunch of people brawling before even more people come in to brawl as well. That doesn’t get you very far, but it was certainly energetic. And we still don’t even have a #1 contender as the lack of organization continues.

And no, that isn’t the main event, because it’s 1999.

The referees tell Earl Hebner to do something about these beatings they’re taking.

Val Venis/D’Lo Brown vs. Mark Henry/Steve Blackman

This feels like it belongs on a Lethal Lottery show. Well hang on as Henry isn’t here so Blackman bets up Venis on his own. Venis fights back and hands it off to Brown, who misses an elbow and gets caught with a dropkick. It’s back to Venis for a spinebuster but Blackman hits an enziguri for two more. Venis is right back with a fisherman’s suplex into the Low Down for the fast pin. It’s almost weird to see a straight match with nothing screwy going on.

The screwiness is after the match as GTV pops on to show Henry getting a lap dance from Godfather’s ladies.

A limousine, with a police escort, arrives.

WWF Title: HHH vs. ???

HHH, in street clothes and with Chyna, is defending and calls out Linda McMahon of all people. HHH wants Linda to say that Steve Austin has forfeited his title shot and has to start all the way at the bottom again. Linda: “No.” That has HHH ready to go after Linda but cue Vince McMahon to make the save. Vince says he gave his word that he wouldn’t interfere in business, but this is personal.

They’re ready to fight so here is Austin (also in street clothes and again, I don’t think this company knows how the legal system works) to start the brawl, and apparently the match, with HHH. Austin beats him around the ring and into the crowd, setting up a suplex on the floor. A bunch of chair shots and a right hand to Earl Hebner are enough to get Austin disqualified.

Rating: C. This was an angle rather than a match (I’m shocked too) and that’s all it needed to be. Austin being back in the arena so soon after a big angle earlier means it should have been a brawl like this, but that’s quite the match to just burn off in three minutes. Either way, the fans were going nuts and I guess that’s what matters the most?

Post match the cage is lowered and Austin beats HHH up both inside and outside to end the show.

We get about five extra minutes, called Extra Attitude, of Austin beating on HHH even more and drinking beer. Real revolutionary stuff there, though the cage is kind of swinging back and forth for a weird feeling.

Overall Rating: C. They were trying to have something coherent here but it was just enough of a mixture of the Russo style of insanity with something more focused. The overarching story of “everyone is out to get HHH and tonight is Austin’s chance” is fine, but there are so many moving parts that you need a scorecard. It kept my interest, though it had the usual problem of feeling like they had three weeks piled into two hours. Calm the heck down and see how much better the show can be. You can even keep the matches short, but let something sink in for once.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Summerslam 1991
Date: August 26, 1991
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Roddy Piper, Gorilla Monsoon

We get the regular intro with the theme of a match made in Heaven and a match made in Hell.

Ricky Steamboat/British Bulldog/Texas Tornado vs. Warlord/Power and Glory

Steamboat is just The Dragon here, complete with what looks like a lizard man costume and breathing fire. The heels get the jobber entrance and have Slick with them. Steamboat and Roma get things going as Gorilla is listing off the rest of the card. Roma slams him down and mostly misses a dropkick before posing. Paul goes to the middle rope but dives into the armdrag and Steamboat cranks on the arm even more. Ricky hits a much better dropkick to put Roma in the corner for a tag to Hercules who gets caught in some armdrags of his own.

Rating: C+. Nothing wrong with this as it was a basic six man tag to fire up the crowd. Everyone looked fine and the crowd was WAY into the smark god known as Ricky Steamboat. The heels were all about to be gone from the company with only Warlord making it to 1992.

Sean Mooney says to call some hotline to hear prerecorded comments from Liz and Savage!

Intercontinental Title: Mr. Perfect vs. Bret Hart

Bret tries to get up but is knocked off the apron and right on top of a production guy who has a very confused look on his face. Back in and Bret jumps over Perfect in the corner and gets two off a rollup. The fans are WAY into this so far. Perfect sends Bret chest first into the buckle to take over again as Heenan is starting to lose his marbles. Another hard whip into the buckle gets two for the champion followed by the Hennig neck snap for two more.

Bret celebrates with his parents.

The Bushwhackers are ready for the Natural Disasters and Andre is ready for Earthquake, the man who broke his leg a few weeks back.

Natural Disasters vs. Bushwhackers

Andre looks terrible here and would be dead in less than 18 months. The Whackers sneak up on the big men on the floor and poke them in the eyes. We finally start with Butch vs. Typhoon and the big man being bitten on the trunks. Earthquake tries to come in but splashes his own partner by mistake. A double clothesline puts Quake down and the Bushwhackers are in full control.

Million Dollar Title: Ted DiBiase vs. Virgil

Rating: D. Actually hang on a minute.

The Mountie is ready for his Jailhouse Match with Boss Man. We get a clip of him shocking a handcuffed Boss Man from a few weeks ago. Moutnie insults the New York cops who take the loser to jail later tonight.

Boss Man says Mountie is going to jail tonight.

Mountie vs. Big Boss Man

Mountie is dragged away by cops.

The Natural Disasters are going to eat the Legion of Doom for dinner.

Savage is nervous for the wedding.

Mountie is tricked into having his picture taken.

Sgt. Slaughter and his cronies are excited about having a 3-2 advantage. Slaughter says he might have a surprise for later.

Tag Titles: Nasty Boys vs. Legion of Doom

The Nasties are defending and this is No Countout/No DQ, making it a street fight in modern terms. The champions are sent to the floor and the fight is on early. Back in the ring Animal hits a quick powerbomb on Knobbs for two followed by Hawk enziguring Sags down. We get down to the stupid tagging part of the street fight with Sags sending Hawk to the floor and hitting him with a bucket of water.

The Mountie is put in a cell by some VERY sweaty policemen.

I.R.S. vs. Greg Valentine

The tax guy heads in again and puts on an abdominal stretch followed by a jumping clothesline for no cover. Off to a chinlock before IRS misses a knee into the corner, giving Greg the opening on the leg. The Figure Four is quickly broken by a grab of the ropes and a second attempt at the hold is countered into a small package for the pin by IRS.

Hogan and Warrior talk about their victims in the main event.

Ultimate Warrior/Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter/Colonel Mustafa/General Adnan

Hogan and Sid pose for a long time post match.

Mountie is in jail and a fat biker hits on him.

Hogan and Sid are STILL posing.

We get the video of Savage proposing to Liz and her responding with an OH YEAH. We also get a four minute music video highlighting their entire history together to a sappy love song.

With the show in the arena done we go to the reception with Savage telling Heenan to beat it. Gene Okerlund does the ceremonial toast. They have the first dance and everything seems to be fine. Now we eat cake before heading over to the gift table where things get interesting.

Ratings Comparison

British Bulldog/Ricky Steamboat/Texas Tornado vs. Warlord/Power and Glory

Original: D

Redo: C+

Bret Hart vs. Mr. Perfect

Original: A+

Redo: A

Natural Disasters vs. Bushwhackers

Original: C-

Redo: D-

Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase

Original: B

Redo: D+

Big Bossman vs. The Mountie

Original: D

Redo: D+

Legion of Doom vs. Nasty Boys

Original: D

Redo: D

Irwin R. Schyster vs. Greg Valentine

Original: D+

Redo: D

Hulk Hogan/Ultimate Warrior vs. Sgt. Slaughter/Colonel Mustafa/General Adnan

Original: D

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: D

Redo: C-

Dang this show ticked me off the first time.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/07/25/history-of-summerslam-count-up-1991-a-wedding-that-goes-badly-what-a-new-concept/

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Summerslam 1990
Date: August 27, 1990
Location: Philadelphia Spectrum, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 19,304
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Roddy Piper

This is the requested redo for the year and I’m rather happy about that. I watched this show more times than I can count as a kid as it was the first wrestling show I had on video. I’ve seen it so many times that I can probably quote at least a bit of the commentary from every match and know most of the matches by heart so looking back at it should be fun. It’s a double main event as Hulk Hogan returns to face Earthquake and Ultimate Warrior defends the WWF Title against Rick Rude in a cage. Let’s get to it.

The opening video hypes up the show, including the main events. This gives us the classic 80s Vince McMahon hype voice and that is always going to work. At the end of the day, the guy is a promoter and a really good one.

Rockers vs. Power And Glory

Vince promises this this is going to be a HUMDINGER so you know he’s serious. Shawn comes to the ring so gingerly that you would think he had a bad knee and wasn’t ready to go here or something. Power And Glory, already in the ring, (it was a different time) jump Michaels before the bell and hit him in the knee with the chain to give him a reason to be down. Why is that so much to ask?

Roma hammers on Jannetty to start but Marty fights back with armdrags and dropkick (why yes, he is a face in a tag team). Slick (the evil, yet stylish) manager offers a distraction as Piper wants to know which one is the power and which is the glory. You mean him being named HERCULES isn’t a hint? Jannetty gets beaten down as Piper talks about Mick Jagger and David Bowie, perhaps missing the idea of the Rockers.

We pause to take out Michaels again as this continues to be a handicap, including a gorilla press to Jannetty. A small package doesn’t get Jannetty out of trouble as Roma comes back in and hits some backbreakers. Jannetty powerslams his way to freedom and hits the top rope fist drop (such a simple yet good looking finisher) with Hercules having to make a save. That’s finally enough as the PowerPlex puts Jannetty away at 5:59.

Rating: C. Kind of a weird way to start the show here but I do like the idea of just getting in and out without trying to do anything nuts. Power And Glory weren’t some great team but they could beat Marty in a handicap match. That’s all you had here and it went well enough, even if it was pretty clear that Shawn shouldn’t have been out there in the first place.

Post match Shawn gets in the ring and the big beatdown is on, with Marty trying to cover Shawn’s knee (another Jagger/Bowie reference from Piper). Of note: the VHS that I remember glitched at this point so I didn’t remember seeing the last minute and a half of the match until I was almost twenty years old. Shawn does a stretcher job and would be out of action for about a month and a half.

Mr. Perfect isn’t worried about facing the Texas Tornado on less than ten days’ notice, even if he knows almost nothing about Tornado. Bobby Heenan talks about how worthless Texas tornadoes are because you can see them coming a mile away. Then Perfect gets REALLY serious and says no one beats him.

The Texas Tornado promises to come out of the clouds and be powerful, unpredictable and devastating. Then he’ll go back into the clouds with the Intercontinental Title. For some reason, that one has always stuck with me, even if it isn’t very good.

Intercontinental Title: Mr. Perfect vs. Texas Tornado

Perfect, with Bobby Heenan, is defending. Of note: Tornado was in yellow trunks for the interview and is in white here so he doesn’t match Perfect’s yellow and blue singlet. The lockup goes to Tornado, who shoves him into the corner without much trouble. That’s enough to send Perfect outside, as commentary thinks they might be surprised by the strength. So they haven’t even looked at Tornado?

Back in and they circle each other a bit as Piper wants to know what Heenan knows about wrestling. A hard whip into the corner sets up a slam on Perfect and a clothesline puts him on the floor, with the required big bump from Perfect. Back in again and Perfect slugs his way out of a wristlock, setting up a sleeper. Some shots to the face in the corner don’t do much to Tornado, who catapults Perfect into the post and grabs the Claw. The Tornado Punch (HUGE bump from Perfect) connects for the pin and the title at 5:15.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t much of a match as Tornado was a bit all over the place (shocking) and a lot of the stuff was rather basic. That being said, this was all about the surprise factor as Tornado gets the title almost immediately after debuting. Of note: for someone perfect, Perfect lost every pay per view match he had in 1990, though finishing as runner up in the Royal Rumble could have been worse.

Perfect staggers out of the arena in even more great selling.

In the back, Gene Okerlund can’t find Sweet Sapphire (uh oh) but Heenan and Perfect come in to rant about the bad refereeing. Tornado CHEATED by sending him into the post and now it’s time to pay. Well not now but in the near future, though that might qualify as semantics.

Sweet Sapphire vs. Sensational Queen Sherri

Sherri has a huge mask on which absolutely TERRIFIED me as a kid. And there’s no Sapphire, despite the music playing multiple times. That’s going to be a thirty second countdown forfeit and no match. Granted the fact that Sherri was in a full length dress makes me wonder what she was exactly planning for this one anyway. Commentary is very confused by Sapphire’s whereabouts.

Dusty Rhodes is in the back and says he doesn’t know where Sapphire is either as she disappeared ten minutes after they arrived. No one has seen her and he is rather worried. Cue Jim Duggan for a rather random cameo, saying everyone is still looking for Sapphire. With Duggan gone, Dusty says that Sapphire is getting a lot of really expensive gifts but that isn’t his business. GEE, I WONDER WHO IN THE WWF IS RICH ENOUGH TO SEND HER THOSE PRESENTS!

Tito Santana vs. Warlord

Slick is here with Warlord and Piper promises to not make a bunch of taco jokes about Santana. A headlock doesn’t work for Santana to start but a dropkick manages to put Warlord down. Back up and Santana looks to load up a hurricanrana (not quite in 1990) so he can hammer away to knock Warlord outside.

That’s fine with Warlord, who drives him back first into the post, allowing Slick to stalk him with a shoe (yes a shoe). The slow forearms keep Santana down until he gets a boot up in the corner to slow Warlord down. The flying forearm rocks Warlord but he gets the foot on the rope at the last minute. Warlord blocks a monkey flip out of the corner though and a running powerslam finishes at 5:28.

Rating: C. This is a fine example of a power vs. speed match and Santana knows how to do that as well as anyone else from this era. Let Santana go out there and run around while Warlord uses his power game in short spurts. It is a formula that has worked forever and it worked well enough here, even in a short form match.

Survivor Series is coming. That’s the Undertaker debut show, which always blows my mind. Look at this card and consider that three months later, you would have someone who has faced Rusev and AJ Styles.

Demolition, all three of them, won’t say which two of them will be facing the Hart Foundation. Hint: it’s probably the two holding the belts here. Either way, they aren’t worried about facing the Legion of Doom after this, because they’re just a bunch of impostors. This was just after Crush was added to the team so Ax could be written out due to what was thought to be a heart problem. In reality it was a bad allergic reaction to some kind of shellfish (not a joke) and he was fine soon enough.

Tag Team Titles: Hart Foundation vs. Demolition

Demolition (Crush/Smash) are defending in a 2/3 falls match and we cut to the back where the Harts say they’re a bit surprised. They promise to win the titles because they are two Harts beating as one (always loved that line). Bret and Smash start but Neidhart comes in to knock an interfering Crush outside. Smash gets taken down into an armbar but knocks him away without much trouble, allowing Crush to come in instead.

Crush pulls a crossbody out of the air and slams Bret down but charges into a boot in the corner. It’s off to Neidhart vs. Smash, with the former getting kicked in the back by Crush (that cheater). A clothesline out of the corner gives Neidhart a breather and he hands it back to Bret, which seems rather quick after Bret took a good bit longer beating.

Everything breaks down and Demolition is sent into each other so Crush falls outside. The backbreaker and middle rope elbow get two on Smash, with Crush dropping a leg for the save. With Neidhart down on the floor, the Demolition Decapitator finishes Bret for the first fall at 6:19.

Bret and Crush start the second fall and a choke shove drops Bret fast. The neck crank goes on for a bit but Bret is back up with the Hart Attack clothesline (minus the whole Hart Attack thing). The hot tag bring in Neidhart (despite Crush holding Bret’s leg) for the house cleaning on Smash. There’s the powerslam for two and everything breaks down with the Hart Attack hitting Smash.

Crush DIVES over and grabs the referee, who he carries around the ring. Believe it or not, yes that is a DQ and we’re died up at 10:40 (total). Why in the world wouldn’t you just break up the cover there? That doesn’t exactly make Crush look smart but Demolition was never the brightest team.

The third fall begins so here is Ax to hide underneath the ring like a villain should. Bret comes back with a sunset flip on Smash, followed by Neidhart powerslamming Bret onto him (that was awesome) for two. Then we get to the “REALLY?” part of the match as Ax switches with Smash (ignore the referee WATCHING HIM COME OUT FROM UNDER THE RING) and starts hammering away. Even when I was three years old, I never got how this was supposed to make sense (Smash’s face paint was even wiped off and Ax’s was fresh).

Smash comes back out to double team Bret but cue the Legion of Doom to pull Ax from under the ring and break up another Demolition Decapitator. Neidhart slingshot shoulder blocks Crush into a cradle from Bret for the pin and the titles at 15:50 in one of the all time great feel good moments.

Rating: B+. A lot of this is nostalgia but I LOVE this match and always have. What I didn’t get when I was a kid was that this was the culmination of a years long quest for the Harts to get the titles back and prove that they could do it without Jimmy Hart. The win felt like it meant something (Vince’s call is perfect as you can feel him get happy on saying THREE) and it still holds up to this day. Heck of a match, but this was more about the emotion and it worked great.

Wrestlemania VII ad. I can still remember the phone number.

The Legion of Doom is happy because they have been waiting on Demolition. What a rush….for them. The Harts come in and say they’ll fight anyone anytime anywhere no matter the odds. Quite the emotional burst there.

Sean Mooney is outside of Demolition’s locker room where you can hear them ranting and raving about the Legion of Doom.

Queen Sherri brags about her win over Sapphire and laughs off the idea that there were “early sightings” of her earlier today. Sherri: “WHAT IS SHE: A UFO???” On top of that, Sherri has heard rumors about Sapphire that makes her think Sapphire might be the smartest person around here. Sherri: “THIS IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!!!”

Five minute intermission, thankfully without the countdown graphic included.

Gene Okerlund runs down the rest of the card and we see one of Bad News Browns’ Harlem sewer rats.

Damien, Jake Roberts’ snake, is in the shower.

Big Boss Man, who is guest referee for Brown vs. Roberts for no explained reason, doesn’t mind snakes or rats.

Nikolai Volkoff, now very pro-America, is glad to be in a tag team with Jim Duggan. Volkoff describes Duggan as his idol and calls the team the American Express (as opposed to the Orient Express you see).

Earthquake, with Dino Bravo and Jimmy Hart, is ready to crush Hulk Hogan for good, just like he did to Tugboat. He might as well crush Big Boss Man as well! Bravo promises to take care of the Boss Man while Hart promises a double stretcher job. Earthquake also brings up Tugboat asking fans to send Hogan cards and letters to make him feel better.

1. That was designed to replenish the WWF’s mailing list.

2. Each fan reportedly got a note signed (well, “signed” but close enough) by Hogan thanking them for their prayers.

3. That’s brilliant, and it’s the same thing the WWF did when the Islanders dognapped Matilda a few years earlier.

Jake Roberts is ready to turn Bad News Brown into a mouse.

A good chunk of these promos were not on the home video, likely for time.

Jake Roberts vs. Bad News Brown

Big Boss Man is guest referee and the fight starts before he gets to the ring. Jake tries a very early DDT but Brown slips out and kicks Jake down. Another DDT attempt doesn’t work and they head outside, where Brown hits him in the ribs with a chair. That’s good for a warning from Boss Man and Brown stomps away back inside. Roberts fights back with the snap jabs and the fans are already wanting the DDT. Brown counters it a third time, which Piper attributed to an oily head. More pounding on the floor ensues and that’s enough to get Brown disqualified at 4:48.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here as it felt like a match they advertised and then forgot to do anything which, which didn’t make it much better. Throw in the Boss Man as the tacked on referee and there was only so much to get out of something like this. It just wasn’t very good and I’m not sure what they thought they had here.

Post match Brown goes to drop a leg on Damien but Boss Man makes the save. Brown beats on Boss Man but Jake grabs Damien and clears the ring, sending Brown out of the WWF for good. The rats were never seen, save for a closed crate at ringside.

Demolition rants about the numbers game in their match and swears vengeance, first on the Legion of Doom and then on the Harts.

It’s time for Brother Love, who scared the heck out of me when I was a kid (and in modern times, scares me for entirely different reasons). Love asks if kids remember being told what to do when they were younger. Now they still need someone to do that because they are soft and weak. His guest is the man who can tell you what to do so here is Sgt. Slaughter. Er, make that DRILL Sgt. Slaughter this time.

Slaughter has been looking around and wants to find a great American. That’s what he has found here, which is why he has The Great American Award for Brother Love. That makes him think of Nikolai Volkoff, who suddenly loves America. Slaughter isn’t happy with that and declares war on Volkoff, because America has gone soft. If Saddam Hussein (or “who’s on” as Slaughter pronounces it) declared war on us tomorrow our boys would be destroyed. Saluting ensues, as we have a new top heel.

Mr. Fuji and the Orient Express are ready for their match but we cut to Gene Okerlund, who has found Sapphire….who goes into a room and locks the door behind her. Nice one Gene.

Orient Express vs. Jim Duggan/Nikolai Volkoff

Piper doesn’t quite buy the idea of Duggan and Volkoff being that bright. Before the match, Duggan and Volkoff belt out God Bless America, because of course they do. Duggan says God bless the troops and the Express attacks, only to be knocked outside without much trouble. The villains come back in with Tanaka bouncing off of Volkoff (Piper: “Yep, real dumb.”). The US chants are on as Volkoff shrugs off a shot to the throat and brings Duggan in to clean house. Everything breaks down and the Express is sent into each other, setting up the three point clothesline to finish Tanaka at 3:22.

Rating: D+. This was little more than a debut squash for Duggan and Volkoff and that is fine, though seeing the Express lose so quickly despite having some awesome matches with the Rockers was a little weird. It wasn’t bad for a match there to play off of current events but it was fine for a quick one. As long as the WWF doesn’t think Duggan and Volkoff are a big deal, it doesn’t mean much.

Dusty Rhodes can’t get into Sapphire’s dressing room and has to go to the ring for his match. He’ll be back.

Sean Mooney, standing on a ladder, talks to Randy Savage, who thinks the rumors about Sapphire are true. Savage talks about how the Founding Fathers weren’t thinking about people like Dusty when they talked about the American Dream and this is a grave situation. Speaking of graves, the ring is where Macho is going to bury Dusty so DOWN THAT AISLE! Savage was kind of feeling it here.

Dusty Rhodes vs. Randy Savage

This is Macho King (with Queen Sherri) and Dusty is as serious as he has been in his WWF run. Hold on though as here is Ted DiBiase (with Virgil) on the platform to say his money can buy anyone or anything. He brings out Sapphire with a bag full of money (the trip around the world and the Cadillac seem more valuable, though I’d love one of those WWF gym bags) and talks about how money will get you whatever you want.

Dusty goes after them but Savage jumps him from behind. They head inside and the fight is on, with Dusty getting in some shots of his own. Savage is knocked outside and hides behind Sherri, who sneaks him the loaded purse. One shot is enough to knock Dusty cold for the pin at 2:14.

In the back, Ted DiBiase, Virgil and Sapphire leave in the limousine, with Dusty Rhodes giving chase to no avail. That always made me sad as it was a rare instance of evil flat out winning and Dusty not being able to do anything about it.

Hulk Hogan and the Big Boss Man are ready for revenge on Earthquake. They dedicate the match to Tugboat and quite the beating that goes with the match.

Earthquake vs. Hulk Hogan

Jimmy Hart, Dino Bravo and Big Boss Man are here too and make no mistake about it: this is the show’s real main event. Feeling out process to start and we get the big shove off out of the lockup. That does not great for Hogan and far better for Earthquake, with Hogan dropping backwards. After a quick chat with Boss Man on the floor, Hogan slugs away and tries a slam, only to hurt his back (it worked in the Andre match).

Some right hands and chops stagger Earthquake (and drop Bravo/Hart) until a big right hand puts Earthquake down. Everyone heads outside where the seconds get involved, including going inside. A double big boot drops Bravo and another one knocks Earthquake into the ropes as Piper wonders what the referee is thinking. The referee gets Boss Man out so Bravo and Earthquake can hit a double slam on Hogan.

The big elbow gives Earthquake two and we hit a Boston crab, which is quite the visual. Hogan tries to power out but for once gets smart and grabs the rope right next to him (you could tell things were different in 1990, as Hogan using a ROPE to escape is just hard to fathom). Bravo gets in a slam on the floor but Earthquake misses another big elbow. The slam still doesn’t work for Hogan as Earthquake crashes onto him for two more to bang up the ribs even more.

We hit the bearhug (required) but Hogan fights out and tries…..a crossbody???? What the heck man? Either way, Earthquake powerslams him down and hits the Earthquake. Then he does it again and I think you know what that means. The comeback is on, complete with the slam working this time. There’s the legdrop but Bravo offers a distraction and Hart comes in to jump Hogan. Everything breaks down and it heads to the floor, where Hogan slams Earthquake onto (not through) a table and that’s enough for the count at 13:12. Hogan jumping up and down in celebration always looked weird.

Rating: C+. I love Hogan but the magic was starting to fade. You can tell that there is a lot going on here to try to keep the energy up, but Hogan just isn’t as special as he once was. At the same time, the countout was lame and while Hogan slammed him, it was hardly some big win. They build Earthquake up very well, but there is only so much that can be done when he’s Hogan’s rebound feud.

Post match the beatdown is on with Earthquake choking Hogan. Boss Man hits Earthquake in the back with a metal stool and just annoys him, allowing Bravo to come in as well. In a great visual, Boss Man whips out the nightstick and is ready to go, which is enough for Earthquake and Bravo to bail. Hogan poses (after suggesting that Earthquake is a chicken) but Piper doesn’t think Hogan won anything with the countout. Two things.

1. Piper getting on Hogan just feels right.

2. I know it’s for the house show rematches, but dang that countout always felt kind of lame.

Rick Rude, now short haired and serious, promise to win the WWF Title in the cage tonight and get his statue outside of the Spectrum next to Rocky Balboa. Bobby Heenan explains the idea of a cage match and promises no sequels. Rude: “And there ain’t gonna be no rematch!” I didn’t know that was a Rocky reference until YEARS later. Of note: Heenan started this promo by saying “he’s going to get that Intercontinental Title back”, which is the kind of thing that he would be saying because he could do more than one thing at a time.

Dusty Rhodes is fine with Sapphire taking the money because he offered up his innocence to her and she paid him back in scorn (he used that line a lot in his career and I’m still not sure I get what it means). Now the fans are asking when he’s going to get mad and even. He’s coming for Ted DiBiase because….America can give him shelter from the storm? Ok then.

Lord Alfred Hayes explains how the cage is built for the main event.

Hulk Hogan talks about how there are new buildings being built around the world and they are all earthquake proof. Hogan is going to take that big fat dude (his words) around the world and beat him over and over until he is the #1 contender. That’s not how you usually become #1 contender. Anyway, Hogan has a fourth demandment: believe in yourself. For now though, he going to get a new nine foot surfboard (or gun as he calls it) and go to the beach to chase sharks, at least until he finds that TITLE wave. Then he pretends he’s on a motorcycle and rides backwards out of frame. Hogan was a weird dude.

With welts on his back, Earthquake promises that it isn’t over with Hulk Hogan and promises more pain next time. Dino Bravo and Jimmy Hart rant a lot too.

Ultimate Warrior: “Do you know what Bobby Heenan has in common with the Liberty Bell? One is cracked and the other is a ding dong.” Would that be Ding or Dong? A lot of Founding Father references are made with Warrior promising to beat Rick Rude. The idea of the match is that Rude beat Warrior back at Wrestlemania V (which is never mentioned by name) so he could do it again here. In short, it didn’t work and this is a really lame main event as a result.

WWF Title: Rick Rude vs. Ultimate Warrior

Rude is challenging in a cage and they start fighting on top of the cage. Warrior knocks him down and hits a top rope ax handle to take over, setting up the ram into the cage. Another ram into the cage drops Warrior and Rude goes up, where he has to kick Warrior away. For some reason Rude comes back down and keeps stomping away but it’s too early for the Rude Awakening.

Warrior knocks him down but the splash hits knees, allowing Rude to hit the Rude Awakening. For no adequately explained reason, Rude goes up to the top of the cage for a right hand to the head. He STILL won’t cover so he goes up again (Heenan: “WHERE ARE YOU GOING???”) and gets punched out of the air this time.

Warrior goes for the door and gets it slammed on his head for two, as this just keeps going. Rude goes for the door as well but gets pulled back in, with the tights coming down in the process. This time Warrior pulls Heenan in and knocks him down, followed by an atomic drop out the door. Some clotheslines into the gorilla press lets Warrior escape (complete with hip swivel) to retain at 10:01.

Rating: D+. Not only was it a completely nothing match, but it was a match that didn’t stick around for very long. In this case that might be a good thing though, as Rude was a lame duck of a challenger as you could have. There was no one for Warrior to face and it showed badly, making this a pretty weak main event. It might have worked as a quick house show main event, but (allegedly) headlining Summerslam? Not quite.

Warrior celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Nostalgia plays a big role in this one but it’s actually a rather good show. They keep things moving and important things take place, including Hogan’s return and two title changes. It’s still the very tail end of the Golden Era and now things can move forward into the new era. It’s not a classic show, but it is a lot of fun and certainly memorable (at least for me), which is something I’ll take every time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.