We’re one day before Summerslam and that means this is going to be the big push towards the show. That could go in a variety of ways, though I’m not sure how much I’d expect from what was definitively the B show at this point. It’s not a great time for the company either, but there is some talent worth seeing. Let’s get to it.

Superstars
Date: August 17, 1996
Location: Yakima Sun Dome, Yakima, Washington
Attendance: 2,922
Commentators: Jim Ross, Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect

The opening recap looks at Ahmed Johnson needing surgery and having to vacate the Intercontinental Title.

Opening sequence, which is a country style theme (and sounds like it’s being sung by Michael Hayes).

Commentary runs down the card.

Undertaker vs. Who

Paul Bearer is here with Undertaker (in what would be the last time for the original team, at least when it comes to a traditional entrance). Who jumps him to start and hammers away in the corner, earning himself a jumping clothesline. The Tombstone finishes fast at 1:08.

Ahmed Johnson, in a snazzy red robe, talks about how the mental pain is worse than the physical pain.

We look at Johnson’s recent success and how everything has stopped, with the Intercontinental Title being vacated. A tournament is starting next week on Raw, but it isn’t clear if or when Johnson will return to the ring. There will also be a mini battle royal for his previously won WWF Title shot.

It’s off to Slam Jam, with the big final push of Summerslam.

Jerry Lawler is ready to make Jake Roberts see a lot of doubles, just like when he’s drunk!

Roberts is ready to get revenge on Lawler.

Savio Vega/Freddie Joe Floyd vs. Uncle Zebekiah/Justin Hawk Bradshaw

This is fallout from Zebekiah and Bradshaw branding Vega. Zebekiah bails to the floor so Vega hammers on Bradshaw, with Floyd coming in for a double dropkick. Floyd kicks Bradshaw in the case for a quick two as the rapid tags continue. Bradshaw finally manages to kick Floyd out to the floor as commentary talks about the Summerslam Tag Team Title match. Zebekiah gets in a clothesline on the floor and it’s a double team in the corner to keep Floyd in trouble as we take a break.

We come back with Vega having to save Floyd but that’s not enough for the actual tag. Bradshaw grabs a Russian legsweep for two but a jumping back elbow gets Floyd out of trouble. Vega comes in to clean house, with a spinning kick to the face getting two on Zebekiah as everything breaks down. Zebekiah misses a branding iron shot to Vega and gets rolled up for the fast pin at 9:37.

Rating: C+. This is what you would get on Superstars around this point, as it was more about giving something to the lower level stars. Vega vs. Bradshaw might not be a top level feud but it is at least a story and something that got a few weeks to build. Floyd might not be a top level star, but he’s more than good in the ring. Zebekiah is fine as a second for Bradshaw, as long as you understand that he’s so banged up from a harsh career that he can’t do much in the ring.

Post match the brawl stays on with Floyd getting double teamed until Vega makes the save with the branding iron.

Video on Shawn Michaels vs. Vader, with Vader pinning Michaels at In Your House: International Incident. Michaels knows that he is in danger and wants the Kliq to support him more than ever.

Crush vs. Aldo Montoya

Clarence Mason is here with Crush. Montoya gets knocked down to start and the neck crank is already on. Crush thumbs him in the neck and the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker cuts off Montoya’s comeback attempt. The big clothesline sends Montoya outside and Crush powers him inside without much trouble. A shoulder breaker into the full nelson finishes for Crush at 3:11.

Rating: C. Crush is someone who got chance after chance and while it could have been worse, he never became the star that the company seemed to want him to be. Granted putting him in there with Mason wasn’t the best way to go, as Mason wasn’t going to make Crush feel important. For now though, not a terrible start for Crush’s singles run, but I’m not getting my hopes up.

Video on Undertaker vs. Mankind.

Mankind vs. Billy Two Eagles

Mankind hammers him down into the corner to start and shrugs off a boot to the face. A swinging neckbreaker (with Mankind pulling the hair of course), setting up the Mandible Claw for the fast win at 1:48.

Another Slam Jam looks at the Tag Team Title match, with the Smoking Gunns/Sunny thinking that the company is against them. The Bodydonnas just want the titles back.

The Stalker talks about wanting to hunt various people. The introduction called him Barry Windham, so why not just let him be that?

Sunny teases various limited material swimsuits for the Summerslam pre-show.

Steve Austin vs. Marc Mero

Sable is here with Mero, who knocks him into the corner to start. They go outside, where Austin yells a lot and kicks him in the ribs to take over. Back in and Mero takes him down into an armbar as Marlena and Goldust joins commentary. Goldust talks about being a zookeeper at Summerslam as Austin makes the comeback and knees Mero in the head. We take a break and come back with Austin holding a chinlock. Mero fights up and snaps off a headscissors as Mankind comes out to tell Sable (“Mommy”) that he’s been a naughty boy. Mero goes after him for the save and that’s a DQ at 9:43.

Rating: C+. The match was pretty good, which shouldn’t be a surprise given who was involved, but dang there was too much going on with the whole thing. The ending was a bit of a cheap way to prevent both of them from losing, but at least the match wasn’t boring. Just slow down a bit next time.

Post match the brawl is on until Undertaker comes out for the save, with Sable running away in terror to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Well, the show was designed to make me more interested in seeing Summerslam and that went well enough. At the same time, Summerslam 1996 is only so interesting of a show in the first place. It’s an absolute two match show and pretty much nothing more, with what we got on here not exactly being enough to carry it that much higher. The action here was fine, but it was very clear that Raw was the thing and had been for a very long time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: January 29, 1996
Location: Stockton Civic Auditorium, Stockton, California
Attendance: 2,904
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

We’re on the way to the next In Your House, which means we’ll be getting ready for the last stop on the Road To Wrestlemania. The big story continues to be Shawn Michaels’ quest for the WWF Title, though he seems like he’s going to have a stop over with the other Hart Brother on the way to face Bret for the title. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening preview.

Opening sequence.

British Bulldog vs. Diesel

Jim Cornette is here with Bulldog. Diesel powers him around to start and hits a slam but Bulldog gets in a knockdown of his own. Bulldog wraps the leg around the post and cranks away (because this formula worked so well in their disaster of a pay per view match), including a half crab. Cue Yokozuna to ringside as we take a break.

We come back with Bulldog choking and then doing his weird double step stomps to the leg. Diesel gets sent outside where Yokozuna…throws him back in. Back in and Diesel boots him down but Cornette has the referee, leaving Yokozuna to drop a leg. Granted the leg hits Bulldog so it doesn’t exactly work out well but at least he was trying. Cornette freaks out as Diesel gets the pin at 9:38.

Rating: C+. It’s still not a great match, but what matters is that it wasn’t an all time disaster like their match back in October. Keeping it shorter and not having the match drag on forever certainly helped, though they did something similar with the leg work. Diesel needed the win though, as it’s not like Bulldog had much going on at the moment.

It’s off to the Slam Jam where Bret Hart, with a black eye, still wants Diesel in a steel cage match. We run down the rest of the In Your House car, including the newly added Duke Droese vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley.

Apparently WCW is threatening legal action over the Billionaire Ted skits. Therefore, here’s another one with Ted at a press conference where he won’t answer any questions about his business practices. This stuff is so beyond dumb and nothing but Vince McMahon whining about competition spending money.

Godwinns vs. Bodydonnas

This is Phineas’ debut and Hillbilly Jim and Sunny are here too. Henry runs Skip over to start but Zip comes in with a cheap shot to take him down. A double suplex drops Henry again and Sunny flirts with Jim, leaving Skip to miss a top rope splash. Phineas comes in and gets to clean house, with the Slop Drop finishing Zip at 2:17.

Post match Sunny runs away from…hillbilly things.

We look at Vader’s path of destruction in his rather short WWF career. This includes attacking Gorilla Monsoon last week, which was quite the moment. Of note: McMahon actually uses the term “stable mate” to describe Yokozuna and Vader.

Clarence Mason and Jim Cornette think the suspension is TOTALLY UNFAIR and there is an injunction against the suspension.

You can send in Get Well Soon letters to Monsoon. And I’m sure this won’t be used to restock the WWF’s mailing list.

Vince McMahon brings out the new acting President of the World Wrestling Federation: RODDY PIPER! The fans seem to approve, with Piper asking if he’s Vince’s boss. Piper lists off some of his accomplishments in the 80s but he knows that the wrestlers today are faster and stronger. The difference though is they’re a little confused, with Piper being here to fix things.

There will be no government shutdown when he is President. He pulls out some papers, which contain rules. Vince: “You’ve never lived by rules in your life!” Piper: “Good point!” And he puts the papers back in his pocket. He promises the fans are in good hands, gives Vince an airplane spin, and wraps it up. I’m not sure I have any idea what Piper was saying, but the GOOD POINT part was funny.

Mankind, with his deformed ear, wants us to have a nice day.

Yokozuna vs. Shawn Michaels

Owen Hart and Jim Cornette are here with Yokozuna. Michaels realizes that locking up with him is a really bad idea so he goes with right hands to knock Yokozuna outside. The villains have a meeting on the floor and we take an early break. We come back with Michaels’ top rope moonsault press getting two but Yokozuna whips him hard into the corner.

That sends Michaels crashing out to the floor, where Hart gets in a posting like a good villain should. Back in and we hit the nerve hold (Yokozuna certainly had his favorites) and we take another break. We come back with Michaels avoiding the legdrop but missing a top rope splash. Michaels slugs away, only to get driven into the corner. Hart tries to come in but kicks Yokozuna down by mistake. The superkick gives Michaels the pin at 11:42.

Rating: C. As usual, you know what you’re going to get with Yokozuna at this point and that’s not a good thing. He’s just so big and there is very little that anyone can do against him. Even Michaels was limited here, with the interference into the superkick being about as good as it was going to get. At least Michaels won by pinfall, as it makes him look like he could beat almost anyone. Or at least really big people who could barely move, which has little to do with either Hart brother, but it’s better than nothing.

Post match the Bulldog has to play peacemaker between Yokozuna and Hart. Michaels is caught 4-1 but Diesel runs in for the save. Cornette says his men are perfectly fine and issues the challenge for a tag match next week. Michaels and Diesel seem in to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The Vader stuff is interesting, mainly because you can see what kind of a monster he really is, but at the same time he’s not going to be around for the time being. You also have Roddy Piper around, and that’s only going to be….I have no idea actually (much like whatever he said). The wrestling was good enough, but this is all about getting to Wrestlemania and you can see some pieces coming together, which is exciting enough.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: June 24, 1996
Location: Brown County Expo, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Attendance: 4,660
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with the King Of The Ring and that means King Austin, who gave what would wind up being one of the most important promos in wrestling history. Other than that, Shawn Michaels has vanquished the British Bulldog and needs someone else to come after him for the WWF Title. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Ahmed Johnson vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Johnson’s newly won Intercontinental Title isn’t on the line. Johnson works on the arm to start and shoulders Helmsley down. A headlock grinds Helmsley down and a clothesline drops him even harder. Helmsley avoids a charge though and Johnson is sent outside, where he gets sent into the steps. Johnson gets posted and then ax handled in the back as we go split screen to Goldust and Marlena. Goldust is mad about losing his title and he’s ready to bury Undertaker in his own casket. Helmsley’s chinlock goes on and we take a break.

We come back with Johnson fighting out of the corner but missing a charge into a different corner. Johnson pulls him out of the air for an atomic drop, setting up the gorilla press for two. Helmsley backdrops his way out of a Pearl River Plunge attempt and they both get a breather. Back up and Helmsley tries a backdrop, which is reversed into a Pearl River Plunge to retain the title at 13:04.

Rating: C. Johnson was someone who was at his best when he was able to go out there and showcase his incredible athleticism and that wasn’t really the case here. At the same time, it was all about Johnson getting over as a force as the new champion and this worked well enough, though having it be a non-title match doesn’t make a ton of sense.

Post match Johnson says he is proud to be the first African American Intercontinental Champion (geez that took awhile) and is ready to beat up Goldust again.

Bodydonnas vs. Brooklyn Brawler/Jerry Fox

The Bodydonnas debut Kloudy, their new manager, who is rather large and tattooed. Sunny, on commentary, is not pleased in the slightest. Zip hiptosses and slams the Brawler to start but Brawler is back up with a headlock. Skip comes in for a running neckbreaker to Fox, who gets taken into the wrong corner. Zip’s gutwrench powerbomb gets two and a top rope seated senton finishes at 3:53.

Rating: C. Good enough here, as the idea behind Kloudy is pretty clear right from the start. Unfortunately the other thing that is obvious is how one note that the whole thing is and I can’t imagine it going well. The team was only so good in the first place and having Kloudy going after Sunny (I’m sure you get the HILARIOUS play on words) is only going to get them so far.

Post match Kloudy chases Sunny off.

We look at the history of Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty.

Kloudy chases Lawler off too.

Vader/Owen Hart/Davey Boy Smith vs. Aldo Montoya/Savio Vega/Barry Horowitz

Jim Cornette and Diana Smith are here with the villains. Horowitz hiptosses Hart to start and it’s quickly off to Vega vs. Bulldog. Vega takes him over with an armdrag but Vader comes in to hammer away. A nice spinning kick to the face drops Vader and it’s off to Montoya for some dropkicks. Hart kicks him in the head though and Vader comes back in for a chokeslam. The Sharpshooter makes Montoya tap at 4:20.

Rating: C+. Pretty much a squash here, with Vega’s kick to the face being a highlight for the losing side. I do often wonder how these people feel in kayfabe when they find out they’re teaming with Horowitz. Montoya isn’t great in the first place and Vega is just ok, so they’re already in trouble and then they have Horowitz as a partner. That can’t be the most encouraging feeling.

Here is Brian Pillman on crutches for a chat. Pillman talks to Vince, saying he doesn’t need to get in the ring to make an impact.

Undertaker vs. Steve Austin

Paul Bearer is here with Undertaker and this is a big deal for the new King. Undertaker slugs away to start and of course that’s fine with Austin, who punches right back. Austin kicks him in the face but gets dropped as Lawler is going after Bearer, which can’t be a good idea. The fight heads outside, with Austin being sent into various steel objects.

They get back in and Austin is knocked to the floor again, only to get back inside for another shot to the face. Austin gets a whip into the corner but charges into a boot as we take a break. We come back with Undertaker hitting Old School but Austin gets smart by kicking at the leg. Austin wraps it around the post and the middle rope elbow gets two.

We go old school with a spinning toehold to keep Undertaker down as Goldust and Marlena come to ringside. Undertaker fights up but a chop block takes him right back down again as we take another break. We come back again with Undertaker missing a running clothesline but hitting a chokeslam. The Tombstone is loaded up but Goldust throws something in Undertaker’s eyes for the DQ at 15:34.

Rating: B-. This was a rare good match between the two of them, with Austin working on the leg, though much like the recent Undertaker vs. Bulldog match, it felt more like we were waiting around for the screwiness. That’s not the best feeling and while it’s nice to see Austin getting in the ring with a big name, having him beat a big name would have been better. Still though, I’ll take a nice match which gets some time.

Post match Austin beats on Undertaker, who reverses to knock Austin outside. Bearer loads up the urn but is hesitant to hand it to Undertaker. Lawler wants Bearer to explain why he cost Undertaker last night against Mankind (by hitting Undertaker with the urn), but Undertaker chases him off to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. With King Of The Ring out of the way, it’s time to reset things a bit with Austin and Johnson as some bigger names. That’s not a bad way to go, but seeing Undertaker vs. Goldust isn’t exactly inspiring. They’re still in the weak summer period, but at least they have something to build on after the pay per view. Just do something interesting and get Michaels a better challenger.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 23, 1996
Location: Hersheypark Arena, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 3,923
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Kevin Kelly

We’re done with Mind Games and the only thing that mattered at the show was the instant classic main event, with Shawn Michaels retaining the WWF Title over Mankind. Other than that, the big story here is Jim Ross promising that Razor Ramon and Diesel will be here. However, Gorilla Monsoon made it clear that it will NOT be Kevin Nash and Diesel. Nothing good can come from this so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a quick still of Razor Ramon and Diesel attacking Savio Vega at Mind Games.

Intercontinental Title: Marc Mero vs. Faarooq

For the vacant title, Sable is here with Mero, Sunny is here with Faarooq, Mr. Perfect is on commentary and Pat Patterson is guest referee. Faarooq jumps him to start fast but Mero is right back up with a dropkick. A clothesline puts Faarooq on the floor and the big running flip dive takes him down again. Back in and the Merosault gets two but Faarooq knocks him off into the barricade.

Ahmed Johnson calls in to swear vengeance on Faarooq, who gets two off a powerslam. A super fall away slam gets two more on Mero and Sunny gets in a choke, which is enough for an ejection. We take a break and come back with Mero reversing a Dominator attempt into a backslide for two of his own. Faarooq pulls him into a chinlock before going more simple with a knee to the ribs. The chinlock goes on again as Jim Ross promises to EXPOSE JEFF JARRETT tonight. I’ll spare you the obvious jokes as Ross again promises Diesel and Razor Ramon.

Mero’s comeback doesn’t work but he catches Faarooq on top with a super hurricanrana. A double clothesline leaves both of them down, with Ross explaining that the one with the more body weight, will have the advantage due to their clothesline being harder. That makes sense. Sunny comes back out and gets in a fight with Sable, allowing Mero to grab Sunny’s purse. A shot to the head sets up the Wild Thing for the pin and the title at 14:51.

Rating: C+. As has been the case throughout this tournament, Mero’s stuff was good while Faarooq was just dull. The idea was that Faarooq thought the title was his from the start so he was a big arrogant, which allowed Mero to slip in and win. The Wild Thing looked good as always, and unlike at Summerslam, it actually won a match.

Post match Mable thanks Sable and Mr. Perfect.

Razor Ramon and Diesel have their own dressing room.

We look back at Shawn Michaels beating Jeff Jarrett last July at In Your House. That same night, Jarrett sang a song….or did he?

Marc Mero celebrates with a bunch of other wrestlers.

We look at Jeff Jarrett allegedly singing at In Your House (again, last July) but then he left before finding out that he wasn’t really singing. Next week, the REAL singer will be here.

British Bulldog/Owen Hart vs. Bodydonnas

Non-title and Clarence Mason is on commentary. Hart runs Zip over to start and gets a front facelock…and we pause because “a local Philadelphia wrestling outfit” gets a wrestler over the barricade with a SABU FEARS TAZ sign (yes it’s Taz). We take a break and come back with Skip hammerlocking Bulldog, who breaks out of it rather quickly. A headscissors drops Hart but Skip misses a spinning crossbody.

Jim Cornette pops up in a split screen to rant about Mason stealing his team (which he did last night with a sneaky contract). After those promises of revenge, Zip hits a gutwrench powerbomb and a rocket launcher gets two on Hart. That doesn’t seem to do much as Hart is right back with a Sharpshooter to make Skip give up at 7:52.

Rating: C. As usual, the match was somewhat ignored to talk about something else. That’s not a good way to go, but at least in this case it was related to what was going on. Cornette vs. Mason is hardly thrilling stuff, though it’s not like the WWF has much else to brag about at the moment. Hart and Bulldog feel like good champions though, and that is something the division could always use.

We look at some stills of Mankind vs. Shawn Michaels, with Undertaker popping out of the coffin in a great moment.

Undertaker is back but promises that the scar of betrayal will never go away. Last night, Mankind and Paul Bearer saw what he will do and now he will bury Mankind alive. At Buried Alive.

Dok Hendrix is thrown out of Razor Ramon and Diesel’s dressing room, with Jim Ross saying that is HIS interview.

The Stalker vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Steve Austin is on commentary and rants about Bret Hart. Stalker starts in on the arm and grabs a hammerlock slam. Helmsley gets in a kick to the ribs and sends him outside as Mr. Perfect comes out to watch. Stalker manages a belly to back suplex and we take a fairly early break.

We come back with Helmsley hammering away in the corner and grabbing a chinlock. Stalker gets up and hits a hard clothesline, followed by a slightly delayed suplex. Perfect manages to steal Helmsley’s valet (again) and the distraction lets Stalker hit the superplex for the pin at 11:18.

Rating: C-. Yeah Stalker isn’t exactly working, and what else were they expecting? Barry Windham can wrestle with anyone, but he’s in some weird hunter deal and it’s not working in the slightest. Again: just let him be himself and see if he can get over. It’s better than this dead end gimmick that isn’t helping him whatsoever.

Jim Ross is in the ring for the Razor Ramon/Diesel return but we cut to Mankind and Paul Bearer in the graveyard, saying they’re in for the Buried Alive match. They don’t see it going well for Undertaker.

Back in the ring and….hold on as we need to take a break.

Post break, Ross goes on a rant about how he has no loyalty to this company because he is only loyal to himself. Toss left a job with the NFL’s Atlanta Falcons but came here and he was given a toga to wear at Wrestlemania IX. Then he carried the 1993 King Of The Ring but he was taken off television.

He came down with a condition of Bell’s Palsy and Vince McMahon fired him. Ross wasn’t sure how to tell his family about it, but then they called him back to work in the front office for fifty cents on the dollar. He’s been in charge of bring in various wrestlers and that’s what he’s going to do now, with Razor Ramon.

We go to a wide shot and you can already tell that it’s not Hall (which granted is what they said last week) but rather independent name Rick Bognar, who looks a bit like Ramon, but more like someone doing a Ramon impression. The fans boo and commentary asks if Ross is trying to embarrass the WWF (no, as that would be whomever booked this). Savio Vega runs in to take out Ramon to end the show.

There is so much wrong with this, I don’t know where to start. First of all, it’s dumb. Like, incredibly dumb. The point here is that Ross was mad about being fired and disrespected so he’s apparently trying to embarrass the company by bringing in a pair of “lookalikes” to annoy the fans. As dumb as that is, it doesn’t quite work when he just revealed/reminded us that Vince McMahon owns the company, but he still allowed this on his show. How is it embarrassing if it was allowed?

On top of that (maybe) is the fact that it’s not interesting. As has been the case for years, fans don’t seem overly impressed by storylines involving announcers. Why should I care that Ross is mad at McMahon for what he did to him a few years ago? Ross is calling Raw and apparently helping with the roster. That’s all I really need to know, because otherwise…well, who cares? In addition to this just being dumb, it’s not a story that I would want to see, which is where it continues to fall apart.

Having Ross out there ranting and raving about behind the scenes stuff was dumb enough, but then to have him do something he knew was bad to embarrass his employers was even dumber. So he’s just been sitting there harboring all of these issues for years and this is his master plan? It’s a terrible story with a worse premise and an all time bad payoff, but I’m sure this will be it and it won’t be something that just keeps going.

Overall Rating: D+. The wrestling itself is ok at best, but then everything falls apart. On top of all that though, you have the Ross story and wow it’s actually worse than I remember. It’s not funny, it’s not interesting and it’s about a bunch of stuff that no one but the people involved are likely to care about. This is what they were putting up against the NWO and it’s no wonder everything was falling apart.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Summerslam 1996
Date: August 18, 1996
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 17,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Mr. Perfect

This is not the best time for the WWF as the company has been dealing with the NWO for the last month and a half. Shawn Michaels is doing as much as he can and is doing it again here as he defends the WWF Title against Vader in the main event. Other than that though, we have a Boiler Room Brawl between the Undertaker and Mankind. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Steve Austin vs. Yokozuna

We’ll throw in a bonus here for a somewhat infamous match. Austin hammers away to start and gets knocked down without much trouble. A Samoan drop and legdrop put Austin down and the Banzai Drop is loaded up….but the ropes break and Yokozuna falls down, allowing Austin to get the fast pin at 1:53. Well that got the point across. Vince: “HE IS SO HEAVY!” Yeah that.

The opening video looks at the two main events, which is about fighting the monsters of Mankind and Vader. Makes sense.

Commentary previews the show and a fan actually comes up asking Perfect for an autograph, which he shoves off without saying a word. Even Vince seems to glare at the guy a bit.

Savio Vega vs. Owen Hart

Hart has a cast on his left wrist, with Vince and JR questioning how slowly it has healed. Feeling out process to start with neither getting very far, though the referee does threaten Hart for using the cast. Vega leapfrogs him and sends the cast into various buckles, followed by an armbar.

We cut to the back where Jim Cornette (Hart’s manager) is helping Vader warm up as Vega stays on the arm. There are some fans loudly chanting for Owen, though Vega taking him down by the arm quiets them down a bit. Hart gets up and manages to send him shoulder first into the corner, allowing the stomping to ensue. Vega gets caught in an armbar for a change before Hart switches into an armbar from a different angle for a change of pace. A bite to the leg of all things gets Vega out so Hart ties the arm up in the ropes and slaps him in the face.

Cue Clarence Mason (Jim Cornette’s lawyer) to watch as Vega misses a spinwheel kick but hits a crossbody for two. Back up and Hart’s enziguri connects as Mason is playing cheerleader. Hart’s rollup with feet on the ropes gets two, as does Vega’s rollup. Vega gets up a spinning kick to the face in the corner and a legdrop gets two.

Hart is right back with a kick of his own, followed by a missile dropkick for two of his own. It’s time to go up again but this time Hart gets crotched, setting up a belly to back superplex. Vega seems to land on the cast though, allowing Hart to take it off and knock Vega cold. Somehow the referee didn’t see it, despite it being right in front of his face, and the Sharpshooter goes on to give Hart the win at 13:25.

Rating: C+. Fine enough opener as Hart is always worth a look, though Vega was reaching the end of his usefulness by this point. There’s nothing wrong with having two faster paced guys getting out there to start the show, though trimming a few minutes off here wouldn’t have hurt either. The cast shot at the end didn’t do it any favors either, as there was no reason to believe the referee didn’t see it.

Post match here is Justin Hawk Bradshaw to yell about Vega, who Bradshaw wants to send back to “that island”. Bradshaw gets in a cheap shot on Vega in the aisle to leave him laying again.

Todd Pettingill is scared of being in the boiler room, where he runs into Mankind, who insists that there is no place like home. Undertaker can come in, but beware that he will be seeing a fate worse than death. Mankind licks a pipe.

Tag Team Titles: New Rockers vs. Smoking Gunns vs. Godwinns vs. Bodydonnas

The Gunns, with Sunny, are defending with elimination rules. Skip (of the Bodydonnas) has a neck brace due to a fractured vertebrae. Meanwhile, the Godwinns have Hillbilly Jim, a pig and a basset hound, because Vince McMahon had a thing for hillbillies. Billy and Henry start things off with Henry running him over with a shoulder. A clothesline does it as well and Phineas comes in to throw Zip around.

Billy wants the people to sit down and shut up…so Phineas and Zip tag in both Gunns. Sunny panics as commentary talks about how they have to make contact. This is then proven wrong as Bart tags out to Zip without any issue. Zip takes over on Billy but Jannetty trips Zip down for the pin at 4:03 (likely due to Skip’s injury).

It’s back to Henry to work on Billy’s arm but Cassidy (Al Snow) gets in a cheap shot from the apron to cut Henry down. This means a Partridge Family reference, because the New Rockers are big into that 60s music scene. The Rockers and Gunns start double teamming the Godwinns until some heel miscommunication breaks that down. The Godwinns are fine with going after both of them and we get some double noggin knockers. A quick Slop Drop gets rid of the Rockers at 7:21 and we’re down to two.

Bart hammers on Henry, who is back with a heck of a clothesline to leave both of them down. It’s too far for the tag though and Billy comes in to yell a lot, much to Sunny’s appreciation. Henry gets back with an atomic drop and a World’s Strongest Slam, which is enough for the tag back to Phineas. Everything breaks down and Henry Cactus Clotheslines Bart out to the floor. Phineas hits the Slop Drop on Billy but Bart comes off the top with an ax handle, allowing Billy to steal the pin at 12:21.

Rating: D+. The word that comes to mind here is lifeless. This was a bunch of people going out there and doing their moves to each other until one of them got the win. It wasn’t exciting, it wasn’t interesting and the fans didn’t seem to care. The tag division was such a dead zone around this time and this was a perfect example of why. There was just nothing here and it showed very, very badly.

Post match Sunny brags about the Gunns and unveils a huge poster of herself, her favorite subject.

We look at the WWF taking over Cleveland in recent days. This involves a train racing a carriage to show the fastest way to the arena. Believe it or not, the train wins. Then Jerry Lawler went to a Cleveland Indians practice and tried to learn the spitball. One of the players offered to teach him in exchange for a piledriver. Some wrestlers also helped paint over some graffiti in a nice moment. To top it off, Undertaker and Paul Bearer gave away…a funeral?

British Bulldog vs. Sycho Sid

No Cornette for Bulldog either but Mason is here again. In the back, Sid is glad the fans seem to like him since he came back and is ready to fight. As usual, Sid has the weirdest charisma and it carried him so far. Sid starts fairly fast with a slam to send Bulldog outside, leaving the fans to give us a LET’S GO SID chant. Back in and Sid grabs a headlock but Bulldog fights out and hits the rather impressive delayed vertical suplex.

We hit the chinlock for a bit before Cornette clotheslines him to the floor. Cornette is at least watching the match in the back as Vader warms up (he’s been at it for forty minutes now) and Bulldog drapes him ribs first over the top. The chinlock goes on again but Sid is up rather quickly. A charge misses in the corner though and Bulldog nails the running powerslam. Cue Cornette to yell at Mason though and the distraction means no cover. Another powerslam is loaded up but Sid escapes and hits the chokeslam. The powerbomb gives Sid the pin at 6:26.

Rating: C. Sid was always good for an acceptable enough power match and that’s about what we got here. The bigger deal is between Cornette and Mason, which is about as interesting as you would imagine. That’s a big part of why the company was losing to WCW and it would get even worse: yes WCW had the NWO, but look at what the WWF was using to counter. This was fine, but it’s not like it was anything that you would remember in an hour or so.

Goldust vs. Marc Mero

Goldust has Marlena with him but has an eye for Sable, who is here with Mero. Before the match, Mero talks about not liking the attention Mankind has been giving Sable and promises to make Goldust a falling star. Goldust does his crawling thing to start but Mero isn’t having any of that and knocks him into the corner. A drop toehold into an armbar has Goldust in trouble and Marlena doesn’t seem to care in the slightest.

Commentary talks about Ahmed Johnson’s (latest) injury as Mero works on the arm even more. Goldust fights back and knocks him to the apron, followed by into the barricade in a variety of ways. Cue Mankind to call Sable “Mommy”, get fairly close to her, and then leave. Goldust’s chinlock and clothesline get two but Mero fights up and makes the comeback.

An atomic drop and left hands rock Goldust and Mero leverages him outside. Back in and a slingshot legdrop sets up the debuting Wild Thing (shooting star press)…but Marlena has the referee. The delay lets Goldust kick out, which is amazingly stupid given how they just debuted that kind of a move. A powerslam gives Mero two more but Goldust is back with a quick Curtain Call for the win at 11:01.

Rating: C+. This could have been a lot worse, but the kickout of the Wild Thing was ridiculous. Again: if they want someone or something to get over, stop having it be used in the middle of a match to next to no impact. If you want Goldust to win then fine, but don’t cut the legs off of Mero’s awesome new move in the process. That doesn’t help him at all and the result could have been the same without that boneheaded decision.

Post match Goldust goes after Sable but Mero makes the save.

We look at Intercontinental Champion Ahmed Johnson winning a battle royal to earn a title shot the night after Summerslam on Raw but he was already hurt and then got in a fight with Faarooq. He had a ruptured kidney and as a result, his title is vacant. His future isn’t clear, but he’ll be out for a few months at least. There will be a tournament for the Intercontinental Title and a four man battle royal, consisting of the final four eliminated from the original battle royal, for the title shot. Johnson would return to the ring but he never really recovered.

Here are Sunny and Faarooq, still in the blue gladiator period, for a chat. Faarooq does not like the idea of a tournament because he should be handed the title. Sunny can live with it and promises that Faarooq will win the tournament, because what Sunny wants, she gets. There was no need for this to be on pay per view.

We recap Jake Roberts vs. Jerry Lawler. Roberts was trying to reform his drinking and is now a Christian, with Lawler mocking him endlessly and even pouring alcohol down his throat. Therefore, things are personal.

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

Newcomer Mark Henry is on commentary and Lawler brings out a bag of his own, ala the one Roberts tends to bring. Lawler reveals a Baltimore Ravens jersey and pennant (the Cleveland Browns left for Baltimore and became the Ravens, which did not sit well with Cleveland fans). He talks about throwing out the first pitch at the Indians game and the team’s manager begging him to sign a contract.

The Ravens’ owners are here too so don’t ask them for an autograph! Lawler goes for the bag and pulls out Roberts’ partners: Jim Beam! He mocks Roberts’ wife and calls out Henry’s lack of Olympic medals. Not that it matters as he would just get his gold medal bronzed. Henry just sits and takes this, as he doesn’t quite get the thinking yet.

Lawler keeps going with his routine until Roberts finally comes out to cut him off. Hold on though as Lawler offers what he has in his bag in exchange for Roberts NOT taking out what he has in his own bag. Lawler offers a huge bottle of booze, which is enough to bring out the big yellow snake to wrap around Lawler and get us going. Lawler heads to the floor and wants the microphone again but Roberts pulls him back inside to start up the beating.

A slam on the floor plants Lawler again and Roberts mocks him over the booze. Back in and Lawler gets in a cheap shot, allowing him to tie Roberts in the ropes. It’s time to get one of the bottles, but Roberts gets out and hits the short arm clothesline. The referee yells at Roberts though and Lawler hits him in the throat with a bottle, allowing him to pull the tights for the pin at 4:09.

Rating: D. Ignoring the fairly off putting subject matter, the match was hardly anything worth seeing either. The ending felt like the same thing as the opener, as again it was hard to believe that the referee didn’t see it. On top of that you had Henry, who had no business being on commentary with that lack of talking ability. How was that not noticed before the match? Just have him come out and do something after if you want to showcase him, but don’t focus on his weaknesses like that.

Post match Roberts points at his throat so Lawler pours Jim Beam down his throat (rumored to have been real whiskey as a rib). Mark Henry makes the save after an all time nothing performance on commentary.

Bob Backlund is in the crowd doing….Bob Backlund things (he’s a weird guy).

We recap Undertaker vs. Mankind. Undertaker was used to facing monsters but the more you beat on Mankind, the more he came back, making him a weird opponent. They’re still fighting though and this time it’s going to be a brawl in the boiler room, also known as a Boiler Room Brawl.

Undertaker vs. Mankind

Boiler Room Brawl, meaning they start in the boiler room and the winner is the first to get to the ring and retrieve the urn from Paul Bearer. Undertaker slowly walks into the boiler room and even he looks a bit nervous. This leads to some slow walking around, as Undertaker isn’t sure where he is, giving us almost a slasher movie feel.

Mankind finally sneaks up on him with what looks like a board for a bit shot to the back. A trashcan lid (or something that looks like one) to the head gets Mankind off of him and Undertaker sends him into a metal locker. Mankind is back up to send him throat first into a saw horse and they brawl around a bit more. We get some “technical difficulties”, which is likely code for “an edit” as this half was taped in advance.

Undertaker is sent into a machine but comes back with a pipe to knock a trashcan out of Mankind’s hands. Mankind turns a valve to spray Undertaker with hot steam and they stagger around some more. Undertaker grabs a wooden pallet but Undertaker hits him low with a pipe to cut him off again. A ram into a steel wall drops Undertaker again, allowing Mankind to punch him in the face.

With Undertaker down, Mankind climbs a ladder and drops an elbow onto Undertaker and concrete because he’s kind of insane. Mankind starts going for the door but Undertaker pulls him down and we get more technical difficulties. We come back with Undertaker down on the floor and Mankind climbing a ladder. Undertaker sits up and grabs the ladder, sending Mankind crashing down onto a box (which almost went VERY wrong and could have ended his career).

They fight up towards the door and slug it out until Undertaker blasts him with a fire extinguisher. Undertaker gets out the door but gets pulled back in, with Mankind getting out and slamming the door on him. Mankind manages to get away and close a door, stacking a bunch of stuff in front of it. That’s fine with Undertaker, who breaks the door down and follows Mankind down a hall (where other wrestlers are cheering them on, with even Steve Austin getting a look).

Mankind throws coffee on him and then crawls through the entrance to come into the arena for the first time. Undertaker follows him and they make it to ringside, where WWE has brought in TV’s on carts like we’re in English class in the 90s. I mean we were in the 90s here but not so much with the English class thing. Anyway, Mankind hits a Texas piledriver on the exposed concrete.

That’s not enough to stop Undertaker of course and he pulls Mankind back down and goes inside….but Bearer won’t give him the urn. Instead Mankind comes back in and puts on the Mandible Claw as Bearer starts shining the urn. Bearer slaps and stomps at Undertaker (JR is INCENSED), who tries to crawl over to him. A huge urn shot to the head (CRACK) knocks Undertaker silly and Mankind gets the urn to win at 26:45.

Rating: B. Well it was different and rather violent, which is all you can ask for out something like this. I can definitely get the appeal of this kind of match between two people with their history, but it was so different than anything else that either company was doing. The brawl itself was good, but this was all about Bearer turning on Undertaker, as that was one of the biggest partnerships of the 90s. It was a new world for Undertaker, and that is something he had been needing for a long, long time.

Post match Mankind and Bearer leave so the druids come out and carry Undertaker away. Do they just follow Undertaker around in case he gets beaten up?

Jim Cornette says Vader has proven he can beat Shawn Michaels and tonight, Michaels is going to grabbed by the throat, making him sound like an electric kazoo in a Peter Frampton song. If you need a bizarre reference, go to Cornette.

WWF Title: Vader vs. Shawn Michaels

Michaels, with Jose Lothario, is defending and Jim Cornette is here with Vader. Michaels tries to move around to start so Vader hits him in the ribs and drops him with a hard clothesline. A big boot is blocked though and Michaels sweeps the leg, setting up a basement dropkick. Some kicks to the face rock Vader and Michaels low bridges him out to the floor. A baseball slide drops Vader again and Michaels hits a big dive, giving us an image which went on a lot of highlight reels.

Back in and a top rope ax handle sets up a hurricanrana to put Vader down again. Something like a victory roll sends Vader outside again but the slingshot hurricanrana is countered with a nasty powerbomb onto the floor. Vader throws him back inside for a hard suplex as Michaels is in a lot of trouble. The slow beating continues and a rather big backdrop stays on the back.

The beating is so intense that it has Perfect changing his mind about returning to the ring. Vader drops him again with a hard clothesline before grabbing a head and arm choke. That’s broken up so Vader tries to sit on him, only to be cut off with a low blow. Michaels knocks him down and goes up but has to pull out of the top rope elbow as Vader didn’t move as planned. This sends Michaels into an infamous rant about how Vader screwed up, because Michaels in 1996 would have that kind of tantrum on live television.

Back up and Michaels crossbodies him out to the floor, where Vader gorilla presses him onto the barricade. That’s enough for a countout at 13:53, but Cornette says no way, because Michaels isn’t getting out of it that easy.

Michaels seems to agree so Vader goes after him, with Lothario getting between them. That lets Cornette get in a tennis racket shot and they get back inside, where a belly to belly gives Vader two. Michaels manages the flying forearm though and tries the superkick but Cornette grabs his foot. Cornette throws the tennis racket inside so Michaels takes it away and unloads on Vader (with some great sound effects for the DQ at 17:50.

Hold on though as Cornette says Michaels got disqualified on purpose so let’s keep this going and have a real winner. We keep it going with Michaels grabbing a sunset flip but having to avoid a sitdown splash. Now the top rope elbow can connect and the superkick gives Michaels two. The referee gets bumped so Vader’s powerbomb only gets a delayed two. The Vader Bomb is loaded up but Cornette wants the moonsault. That’s enough for Michaels to hit a moonsault press for the win at 22:19.

Rating: B. I liked the story they were telling here with the idea that Vader was overwhelming Michaels but kept giving him chance after chance to escape. That’s the idea of Michaels just finding a way to escape and eventually survive Vader when he went too far. That being said, the tantrum in the middle is just dumb and makes Michaels look pathetic, which he did so often by himself. Otherwise, good main event.

Also of note, this was originally going to be Vader winning the title and ultimately losing it back to Michaels at the Royal Rumble, but Michaels didn’t want to work with Vader so Sid got the spot instead (hence the December In Your House being called “It’s Time” when Vader had nothing to do with the main event.).

Overall Rating: C+. The two main events carry the show as far as it is going to go. The rest of the show ranges from forgettable to bad, which sums up so much of this time for the WWF. They had some talent around, but it was going to take time before the new generation could take the ball. Granted getting Bret Hart back in a few months would help, but this was not a good time for the company, save for the top of the card. You could certainly see that in this show and not in a good way whatsoever.

Ratings Comparison

Steve Austin vs. Yokozuna

Original: N/A
2013 Redo: N/A
2025 Redo: N/A

Owen Hart vs. Savio Vega

Original: B+
2013 Redo: C
2015 Redo: C+

Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas vs. New Rockers vs. Godwinns

Original: B-
2013 Redo: D-
2025 Redo: D+

British Bulldog vs. Sycho Sid

Original: D
2013 Redo: D+
2025 Redo: C

Marc Mero vs. Goldust

Original: C+
2013 Redo: D
2025 Redo: C+

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

Original: C-
2013 Redo: D
2025 Redo: D

Mankind vs. Undertaker

Original: A-
2013 Redo: B
2025 Redo: B

Vader vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A-
2013 Redo: B+
2025 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: A
2013 Redo: C
2025 Redo: C+

The other two reviews are a bit all over the place, but that original is as rose colored glasses nostalgia as you can get. My goodness that’s nuts.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Summerslam 1996
Date: August 18, 1996
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 17,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Mr. Perfect

Things have changed quite a bit since last year. For one thing, the NWO currently has its foot on the WWF’s neck but no one knew how bad it was going to get. Shawn was pretty much tanking as champion but he’s still defending tonight against Vader. The major match though is Undertaker vs. Mankind in a Boiler Room Brawl which has the potential to be awesome. Let’s get to it.

The pre-show match is kind of famous so I’ll throw it in as a bonus.

Steve Austin vs. Yokozuna

Austin is fresh off winning the King of the Ring and cutting the promo that made him famous. Yoko is so fat it’s terrifying at this point. Austin still has very slow music here which sounds like it belongs in a romantic drama. He goes right after the big man to start but a single right hand puts Steve down. A double middle finger earns Austin a Samoan drop and a legdrop. Yoko loads up the Banzai Drop and the freaking ring breaks with Yoko falling down to the mat, giving Austin an easy pin.

The opening video is about monsters like Vader and Mankind wearing masks but heroes standing up to them no matter what.

Owen Hart vs. Savio Vega

Owen has a broken arm/wrist coming in. Feeling out process to start with the referee warning Owen about using the cast. Savio does the smart thing by ramming the bad arm into the buckle to take over. We hit an armbar as we cut to Vader’s locker room to see Cornette firing him up. A monkey flip and a dropkick put Owen down and it’s back to the armbar. Owen kicks out of a rollup and sends Savio shoulder first into the post as momentum changes all of a sudden.

Off to a wristlock on Vega as the match is still waiting to get off the ground. Owen puts on a long armbar followed by a DDT on the arm for two. Vega bites his way out of the hold as the crowd is dead quiet for this. Owen charges into a boot and here’s Clarence Mason, a lawyer, to watch the match. An enziguri puts Vega down for two and a few rollups get the same for Savio.

Hart takes him down with a spinwheel kick but Savio comes back with right hands and clotheslines. Owen’s missile dropkick gets two as the crowd is into this all of a sudden. Hart is crotched on another top rope attempt but Savio lands on the cast in his belly to back superplex. Owen slips off the cast and lays out Savio (with the referee looking right at him), setting up the Sharpshooter for the win.

Rating: C. This took awhile to get going and could have shaved off five minutes or so. Savio was nothing special at all and Owen was in a transitional phase of his career as he was trying to become a singles guy but wasn’t ready to do it yet. The match wasn’t bad and picked way up but the ending was lame.

Post match Justin Hawk Bradshaw comes out to lay out Vega once again.

Todd Petingill is in the boiler room and finds Mankind licking a pipe and saying there’s no place like home.

Tag Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. New Rockers vs. Bodydonnas vs. Godwinns

The heel Gunns are defending and this is under elimination rules. The New Rockers are Marty Jannetty and Leif Cassidy (Al Snow) and the Bodydonnas are Skip (Chris Candido) and Zip (Tom Pritchard). Skip is in a neck brace here due to a potentially broken neck but he’s wrestling anyway. The Gunns have Sunny who looks GREAT as a cowgirl. Billy Gunn starts with Henry Godwinn with Hank throwing Billy around with ease.

A wheelbarrow slam sends Billy out to the floor and it’s off to Phineas vs. Zip. After a comedic feeling out process it’s off to both Gunns at the same time. Zip and Phineas strut across the ring for no apparent reason as the Gunns freak out about having to fight each other. The referee says either make contact or be disqualified. After no contact, Bart tags in Zip so the crowd can have something else to be bored by. Jannetty trips Zip and Billy gets an easy pin so the Bodydonnas don’t have to be out there long.

Henry comes back in to crank on Billy’s arm but Billy quickly tags out to Jannetty. Marty slowly pounds on Henry and plays to the comatose crowd. Leif gets the tag but quickly brings in Billy to work over Henry. The Rockers have a miscue with the Gunns and Henry gets two off a side slam on Billy. Marty’s save results in an elbow drop on Billy as everything breaks down. Henry kicks Marty into Leif and hits the Slop Drop (reverse DDT) on Cassidy for the elimination.

We’re down to the Godwinns vs. the champions and it’s Bart in for the first time. Henry explodes out of the corner with a clothesline to put both guys down. Bart breaks up a tag attempt as this match is dragging terribly. Billy comes in and the place is so silent you can hear the insults between the wrestlers.

Back to Bart to pound away on Henry for a few moments before bringing Billy back in. Henry catches a charging Billy in a World’s strongest Slam and there’s the lukewarm tag to Phineas. He cleans house and everything breaks down with Phineas hitting the Slop Drop on Billy, only to have Bart blast Phineas from the top for the pin to retain.

Rating: D-. This was so boring I could barely keep my eyes open. The tag title scene was so barren at this point that there were practically zero interesting acts at all. That would be the case for over a year when the New Age Outlaws FINALLY brought the division back to life for a few years. Terribly boring match.

Post match Sunny insults the women in the audience and unveils a huge poster of herself to make the arena prettier.

Video on the Summerslam festivities in the city this weekend.

Sycho Sid vs. British Bulldog

Sid is just back after being out for about six months with an injury. He’s part of Shawn’s war with Camp Cornette, making this a lower level battle in the feud. The fans are WAY into Sid here which makes his title reigns a lot more understandable. Neither guy goes anywhere on some collisions until Sid slams him down to the floor. A LOUD Let’s Go Sid chant starts up, giving us more interest than the entire tag title match had combined.

Bulldog tries to power out of a headlock as the announcers talk about Mason being out here instead of Cornette again. A powerslam gets two for Sid but Bulldog comes back with the delayed vertical suplex. That’s some impressive power, especially on a guy that tall. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Bulldog clotheslines Sid to the floor. Bulldog clotheslines him down again and flips forward to entertain us while Sid is down. Back to the chinlock before Bulldog hits the powerslam clean, but here’s Cornette to argue with Mason. Another powersam is countered into the chokeslam and an AWESOME powerbomb is good for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match was better than you would think with both guys’ power stuff looking good. That powerbomb was great as Bulldog just stopped once he hit the mat and the selling was even better. Sid is just scary over at this point, which made his heel turn all the better. To be fair though, the fans just wouldn’t boo the guy even when he was a heel. Take that for what you will.

The managers keep arguing post match.

Video on Shawn.

Goldust vs. Marc Mero

Marlena and Sable are the seconds here and Goldust has a thing for the latter. Goldust takes him into the corner and rubs his own chest before slapping Mero in the face. Some armdrags take Goldie down and he hides in the corner. They run the ropes a bit with Mero getting two off a cross body and hooking an armbar. The crowd is dead again so the announcers talk about Ahmed Johnson’s kidney injury.

Back up and Goldust backdrops Mero out to the floor before dropping him throat first across the barricade. Goldust hooks a chinlock and here’s Mankind who has been calling Sable mommy lately. Some referees chase him off a few seconds later, making this your pointless cameo of the show. A knee to the ribs puts Mero down for two but he comes off the middle rope with a back elbow to the jaw.

A clothesline and a backdrop put Goldust down again and a million dollar kneelift does the same. Goldust counters punches in the corner and they both tumble to the floor but Mero slides back in and hits a running flip dive. A slingshot legdrop gets two followed by the debut of the Shooting Star Press, called the Wild Thing. Since this is 1996 WWF, it only gets two. A few seconds later Goldust hits the Curtain Call (reverse forward suplex) for the pin.

Rating: D. Another dull match here other than the Shooting Star. Goldust was all thought and character but little in the area of substance in the ring. The crowd was dead again here other than for the Wild Thing which was by far the most exciting thing in the match. There wasn’t much to see here but as was the case back then, a lot of matches on PPV were filler.

Goldust stalks Sable post match until Mero makes the save.

We recap Jake Roberts vs. Jerry Lawler. Jake claimed to have sobered up and was speaking at churches about how Jesus helped him overcome his demons. Lawler claimed that Roberts was a fraud (which was the case in real life as he was still hooked on crack) and tonight is the showdown.

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

Before the match we have the debut of a new Olympian who will be getting in the ring soon: Mark Henry. Lawler brings his own bag with him along with something in his pocket. He’s also wearing a Baltimore Ravens jersey (the beloved Cleveland Browns had recently moved to Baltimore and become the Ravens) because Lawler knows how to rile up a crowd like few others ever could. Henry thinks it’s hilarious despite being a face.

Lawler pulls out two bottles of Jim Beam to be Roberts’ partners tonight and says Roberts’ wife only looks good after a six pack. Henry is so stupid that if he won a gold medal he’d have it bronzed. Once Roberts uses his bar stool as a walker to get out here, Lawler is going to knock him sideways so everyone can recognize him. It’s very impressive how easily Lawler can have a crowd eating out of the palm of his hand like this.

Roberts finally comes out so Lawler pulls a huge bottle of booze from the bag. Jake pulls the snake out of his own bag to scare Lawler to the floor and the bell finally rings. Lawler looks for a microphone but Jake sends him face first into the steps and hammers away back inside. Back to the floor with Lawler being sent into various hard objects until he steals a drink from a fan to blind Jake. Henry: “So what is the fan going to drink?” Lawler gets one of the bottles from ringside but has to block a DDT attempt. Another DDT is countered and Jerry hits him in the throat with the bottle for the pin.

Rating: D. This was much more of an angle than a match with Lawler giving a great lesson in how to fire up a crowd. Roberts wouldn’t be around much longer before heading to ECW and the indies. This would lead to Henry’s first mini feud against Lawler which started got his career going in slow motion.

Post match Lawler says Roberts is holding his throat because he wants a drink. Lawler opens the big bottle to pour it down Jake’s throat but Mark Henry makes a delayed save.

Bob Backlund campaigns for President.

Paul Bearer comes to the ring. The next match will be won by retrieving the Urn from his hands.

Undertaker vs. Mankind

This is the Boiler Room Brawl, meaning the fight starts in the boiler room and you win by fighting to the ring and getting the Urn from Bearer. Taker goes into the room where Mankind is hiding somewhere. This is bordering on creepy as Taker is looking through the shadows to find Mankind but only finds machines. Mankind sneaks up on him with a pipe to the back as the fight begins. Keep in mind that the people in the arena are seeing this on TV screens as there’s no Titantron yet.

Undertaker comes back with a trashcan lid to the head and they brawl around the room with Mankind in control. The announcers have stopped talking as Mankind stuns Taker across a wooden stand. A stiff right hand puts Taker down and Mankind chokes away. The camera cuts out for a few moments so something can be edited and we come back with a trashcan shot putting Taker down.

Taker finds a pipe to knock the can into Mankind’s face but Mankind turns a valve to shoot steam into Taker’s face. A clothesline sends the can into Mankind’s face and the slow brawling continues. Taker hits him in the face with a wooden pallet but Mankind hits Taker low with a pipe of some kind. Mankind sends him into a wall and hits the running knee to drive Taker’s head into the wall again. An elbow off a ladder keeps Taker down and Mankind drags him along the floor.

The camera goes out again and the audience boos. Back with Undertaker laid out on the floor and Mankind setting up a ladder next to him. Mankind climbs up and in the best remembered spot of the match, Undertaker sits up and pulls him down onto a pile of pipes. Back up and Mankind goes for the door but Undertaker grabs him by the ankle. A fire extinguisher blast to the face puts Mankind down and it’s Undertaker out the door first. Mankind rams him into the door and gets out, only to fall in the aisle.

With Taker still inside Mankind barricade the door but Taker kicks it in anyway. They fight up the aisle with jobbers watching from the doors. Taker shoves him across the coffee area, allowing Mankind to get ahead a bit. He throws hot coffee onto Undertaker and crawls into the arena to give the fans something to see in person. Taker catches up with him and pounds away but Mankind keeps him out of the ring.

A Texas piledriver onto the concrete knocks Undertaker out cold but he sits up just in time to pull Mankind off the apron, slamming the back of his head into the concrete. Undertaker gets inside and gets on one knee in front of Paul but Bearer won’t give him the Urn. Mankind gets in and knocks Taker out with the Claw before Bearer does the unthinkable by turning on Undertaker and giving Mankind the Urn.

Rating: B. This is a hard one to grade as it was VERY long (nearly half an hour) and was unlike any other match up to this point. This match would have killed in the Attitude Era but here it’s just quite good. Bearer turning was shocking as he had managed Undertaker for nearly six years and I don’t think anyone believed he would ever turn on Undertaker.

Druids come out to carry Undertaker to the back. He’d be back the next night like nothing happened.

Camp Cornette is ready for Shawn Michaels. Cornette: “When Vader grabs you by the neck Shawn Michaels, you’re going to sound like Peter Frampton’s electric kazoo.” WHERE DOES HE COME UP WITH THIS STUFF???

WWF World Title: Vader vs. Shawn Michaels

Vader is challenging after pinning Shawn in a six man tag at In Your House #9. He pounds Shawn in the face to start before taking his head off with a clothesline. Shawn catches a big boot and leg sweeps Vader down before hitting a low dropkick to stun Vader. Michaels fires off rights and lefts from his knees and Vader bails to the floor. A HUGE dive takes him down again as the fans are finally waking up a bit.

Back in and a standing hurricanrana takes Vader down and a victory roll sends him back out to the floor. Shawn’s plancha into a hurricanrana is caught in a powerbomb and momentum changes in a hurry. Vader puts him on his shoulder and carries Shawn up the steps with one arm in a very impressive power display. A big suplex puts Shawn down again and Mr. Perfect gloats a lot. Shawn is sent into a Flair Flip in the corner and another whip sends him out to the floor.

Vader pounds away back inside but Shawn comes back with rights and lefts of his own. He can’t drop Vader though and a hard clothesline takes Shawn down again. Shawn tries to skin the cat but Vader pulls him back in and hits a kind of reverse jackknife for two. Off to a modified bearhug on the champion for a few moments until Shawn fights back with a running knee to the chest. Vader blocks a sunset flip but his jumping seated senton hits knees.

A hard clothesline puts Vader down and we get a semi-famous spot as Shawn goes up but aborts the elbow in mid flight, instead hitting a flying stomp. He throws a fit and yells at Vader before a cross body puts both guys on the floor. Vader drops Shawn throat first across the barricade…..for a countout win? Seriously? Female fan: “NO! NO! NO!” Cornette agrees because he wants to win the title by pin instead of countout.

Shawn agrees to get back in but Vader punches him down on the floor. Cornette pops Shawn in the back with the tennis racket and a belly to belly gets two for Vader. Michaels punches his way out of the powerbomb and hits the forearm/nip-up combo. He tunes up the band but Cornette throws in the racket, only to have Shawn intercept it and blast Vader for the DQ.

The third part of the match begins (Cornette, WE DON’T WANT IT THAT WAY, ring the bell again) with Shawn avoiding another seated senton and now the top rope elbow connects. Sweet Chin Music only gets two and the referee is knocked to the floor. Vader hits the powerbomb and a second referee comes in to count two. Cornette is stunned as Vader goes up, only to miss the moonsault. Shawn goes up top and hits a moonsault press to retain the title.

Rating: B+. I’ve only seen this match once or twice and it really holds up. Shawn was in his element here against a monster and he capitalized on Vader’s greed for the title to finally beat him. The problem was the people didn’t care about Shawn until he got in the ring which made him a hard sell for the fans. Still though, excellent match here.

Overall Rating: C. Well the last two matches are both good to great, but it takes awhile to get there. Thankfully for the show those matches take up over an hour of the card and help things out a lot. Unfortunately the NWO was running roughshod on the wrestling world at this point so the good matches here didn’t mean much at all. This wasn’t one of the stronger entries in the series though.

Ratings Comparison

Owen Hart vs. Savio Vega

Original: B+

Redo: C

Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas vs. New Rockers vs. Godwinns

Original: B-

Redo: D-

British Bulldog vs. Sycho Sid

Original: D

Redo: D+

Marc Mero vs. Goldust

Original: C+

Redo: D

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

Original: C-

Redo: D

Mankind vs. Undertaker

Original: A-

Redo: B

Vader vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A-

Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: C

Did I owe this show money a few years ago? My jaw is hanging open as I read these ratings again.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/07/30/history-of-summerslam-count-up-1996-mick-foley-has-arrived/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Summerslam 1996
Date: August 18, 1996
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 17,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Mr. Perfect

Things have changed quite a bit since last year. For one thing, the NWO currently has its foot on the WWF’s neck but no one knew how bad it was going to get. Shawn was pretty much tanking as champion but he’s still defending tonight against Vader. The major match though is Undertaker vs. Mankind in a Boiler Room Brawl which has the potential to be awesome. Let’s get to it.

The pre-show match is kind of famous so I’ll throw it in as a bonus.

Steve Austin vs. Yokozuna

Austin is fresh off winning the King of the Ring and cutting the promo that made him famous. Yoko is so fat it’s terrifying at this point. Austin still has very slow music here which sounds like it belongs in a romantic drama. He goes right after the big man to start but a single right hand puts Steve down. A double middle finger earns Austin a Samoan drop and a legdrop. Yoko loads up the Banzai Drop and the freaking ring breaks with Yoko falling down to the mat, giving Austin an easy pin.

The opening video is about monsters like Vader and Mankind wearing masks but heroes standing up to them no matter what.

Owen Hart vs. Savio Vega

Owen has a broken arm/wrist coming in. Feeling out process to start with the referee warning Owen about using the cast. Savio does the smart thing by ramming the bad arm into the buckle to take over. We hit an armbar as we cut to Vader’s locker room to see Cornette firing him up. A monkey flip and a dropkick put Owen down and it’s back to the armbar. Owen kicks out of a rollup and sends Savio shoulder first into the post as momentum changes all of a sudden.

Off to a wristlock on Vega as the match is still waiting to get off the ground. Owen puts on a long armbar followed by a DDT on the arm for two. Vega bites his way out of the hold as the crowd is dead quiet for this. Owen charges into a boot and here’s Clarence Mason, a lawyer, to watch the match. An enziguri puts Vega down for two and a few rollups get the same for Savio.

Hart takes him down with a spinwheel kick but Savio comes back with right hands and clotheslines. Owen’s missile dropkick gets two as the crowd is into this all of a sudden. Hart is crotched on another top rope attempt but Savio lands on the cast in his belly to back superplex. Owen slips off the cast and lays out Savio (with the referee looking right at him), setting up the Sharpshooter for the win.

Rating: C. This took awhile to get going and could have shaved off five minutes or so. Savio was nothing special at all and Owen was in a transitional phase of his career as he was trying to become a singles guy but wasn’t ready to do it yet. The match wasn’t bad and picked way up but the ending was lame.

Post match Justin Hawk Bradshaw comes out to lay out Vega once again.

Todd Petingill is in the boiler room and finds Mankind licking a pipe and saying there’s no place like home.

Tag Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. New Rockers vs. Bodydonnas vs. Godwinns

The heel Gunns are defending and this is under elimination rules. The New Rockers are Marty Jannetty and Leif Cassidy (Al Snow) and the Bodydonnas are Skip (Chris Candido) and Zip (Tom Pritchard). Skip is in a neck brace here due to a potentially broken neck but he’s wrestling anyway. The Gunns have Sunny who looks GREAT as a cowgirl. Billy Gunn starts with Henry Godwinn with Hank throwing Billy around with ease.

A wheelbarrow slam sends Billy out to the floor and it’s off to Phineas vs. Zip. After a comedic feeling out process it’s off to both Gunns at the same time. Zip and Phineas strut across the ring for no apparent reason as the Gunns freak out about having to fight each other. The referee says either make contact or be disqualified. After no contact, Bart tags in Zip so the crowd can have something else to be bored by. Jannetty trips Zip and Billy gets an easy pin so the Bodydonnas don’t have to be out there long.

Henry comes back in to crank on Billy’s arm but Billy quickly tags out to Jannetty. Marty slowly pounds on Henry and plays to the comatose crowd. Leif gets the tag but quickly brings in Billy to work over Henry. The Rockers have a miscue with the Gunns and Henry gets two off a side slam on Billy. Marty’s save results in an elbow drop on Billy as everything breaks down. Henry kicks Marty into Leif and hits the Slop Drop (reverse DDT) on Cassidy for the elimination.

We’re down to the Godwinns vs. the champions and it’s Bart in for the first time. Henry explodes out of the corner with a clothesline to put both guys down. Bart breaks up a tag attempt as this match is dragging terribly. Billy comes in and the place is so silent you can hear the insults between the wrestlers.

Back to Bart to pound away on Henry for a few moments before bringing Billy back in. Henry catches a charging Billy in a World’s strongest Slam and there’s the lukewarm tag to Phineas. He cleans house and everything breaks down with Phineas hitting the Slop Drop on Billy, only to have Bart blast Phineas from the top for the pin to retain.

Rating: D-. This was so boring I could barely keep my eyes open. The tag title scene was so barren at this point that there were practically zero interesting acts at all. That would be the case for over a year when the New Age Outlaws FINALLY brought the division back to life for a few years. Terribly boring match.

Post match Sunny insults the women in the audience and unveils a huge poster of herself to make the arena prettier.

Video on the Summerslam festivities in the city this weekend.

Sycho Sid vs. British Bulldog

Sid is just back after being out for about six months with an injury. He’s part of Shawn’s war with Camp Cornette, making this a lower level battle in the feud. The fans are WAY into Sid here which makes his title reigns a lot more understandable. Neither guy goes anywhere on some collisions until Sid slams him down to the floor. A LOUD Let’s Go Sid chant starts up, giving us more interest than the entire tag title match had combined.

Bulldog tries to power out of a headlock as the announcers talk about Mason being out here instead of Cornette again. A powerslam gets two for Sid but Bulldog comes back with the delayed vertical suplex. That’s some impressive power, especially on a guy that tall. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Bulldog clotheslines Sid to the floor. Bulldog clotheslines him down again and flips forward to entertain us while Sid is down. Back to the chinlock before Bulldog hits the powerslam clean, but here’s Cornette to argue with Mason. Another powersam is countered into the chokeslam and an AWESOME powerbomb is good for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match was better than you would think with both guys’ power stuff looking good. That powerbomb was great as Bulldog just stopped once he hit the mat and the selling was even better. Sid is just scary over at this point, which made his heel turn all the better. To be fair though, the fans just wouldn’t boo the guy even when he was a heel. Take that for what you will.

The managers keep arguing post match.

Video on Shawn.

Goldust vs. Marc Mero

Marlena and Sable are the seconds here and Goldust has a thing for the latter. Goldust takes him into the corner and rubs his own chest before slapping Mero in the face. Some armdrags take Goldie down and he hides in the corner. They run the ropes a bit with Mero getting two off a cross body and hooking an armbar. The crowd is dead again so the announcers talk about Ahmed Johnson’s kidney injury.

Back up and Goldust backdrops Mero out to the floor before dropping him throat first across the barricade. Goldust hooks a chinlock and here’s Mankind who has been calling Sable mommy lately. Some referees chase him off a few seconds later, making this your pointless cameo of the show. A knee to the ribs puts Mero down for two but he comes off the middle rope with a back elbow to the jaw.

A clothesline and a backdrop put Goldust down again and a million dollar kneelift does the same. Goldust counters punches in the corner and they both tumble to the floor but Mero slides back in and hits a running flip dive. A slingshot legdrop gets two followed by the debut of the Shooting Star Press, called the Wild Thing. Since this is 1996 WWF, it only gets two. A few seconds later Goldust hits the Curtain Call (reverse forward suplex) for the pin.

Rating: D. Another dull match here other than the Shooting Star. Goldust was all thought and character but little in the area of substance in the ring. The crowd was dead again here other than for the Wild Thing which was by far the most exciting thing in the match. There wasn’t much to see here but as was the case back then, a lot of matches on PPV were filler.

Goldust stalks Sable post match until Mero makes the save.

We recap Jake Roberts vs. Jerry Lawler. Jake claimed to have sobered up and was speaking at churches about how Jesus helped him overcome his demons. Lawler claimed that Roberts was a fraud (which was the case in real life as he was still hooked on crack) and tonight is the showdown.

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

Before the match we have the debut of a new Olympian who will be getting in the ring soon: Mark Henry. Lawler brings his own bag with him along with something in his pocket. He’s also wearing a Baltimore Ravens jersey (the beloved Cleveland Browns had recently moved to Baltimore and become the Ravens) because Lawler knows how to rile up a crowd like few others ever could. Henry thinks it’s hilarious despite being a face.

Lawler pulls out two bottles of Jim Beam to be Roberts’ partners tonight and says Roberts’ wife only looks good after a six pack. Henry is so stupid that if he won a gold medal he’d have it bronzed. Once Roberts uses his bar stool as a walker to get out here, Lawler is going to knock him sideways so everyone can recognize him. It’s very impressive how easily Lawler can have a crowd eating out of the palm of his hand like this.

Roberts finally comes out so Lawler pulls a huge bottle of booze from the bag. Jake pulls the snake out of his own bag to scare Lawler to the floor and the bell finally rings. Lawler looks for a microphone but Jake sends him face first into the steps and hammers away back inside. Back to the floor with Lawler being sent into various hard objects until he steals a drink from a fan to blind Jake. Henry: “So what is the fan going to drink?” Lawler gets one of the bottles from ringside but has to block a DDT attempt. Another DDT is countered and Jerry hits him in the throat with the bottle for the pin.

Rating: D. This was much more of an angle than a match with Lawler giving a great lesson in how to fire up a crowd. Roberts wouldn’t be around much longer before heading to ECW and the indies. This would lead to Henry’s first mini feud against Lawler which started got his career going in slow motion.

Post match Lawler says Roberts is holding his throat because he wants a drink. Lawler opens the big bottle to pour it down Jake’s throat but Mark Henry makes a delayed save.

Bob Backlund campaigns for President.

Paul Bearer comes to the ring. The next match will be won by retrieving the Urn from his hands.

Undertaker vs. Mankind

This is the Boiler Room Brawl, meaning the fight starts in the boiler room and you win by fighting to the ring and getting the Urn from Bearer. Taker goes into the room where Mankind is hiding somewhere. This is bordering on creepy as Taker is looking through the shadows to find Mankind but only finds machines. Mankind sneaks up on him with a pipe to the back as the fight begins. Keep in mind that the people in the arena are seeing this on TV screens as there’s no Titantron yet.

Undertaker comes back with a trashcan lid to the head and they brawl around the room with Mankind in control. The announcers have stopped talking as Mankind stuns Taker across a wooden stand. A stiff right hand puts Taker down and Mankind chokes away. The camera cuts out for a few moments so something can be edited and we come back with a trashcan shot putting Taker down.

Taker finds a pipe to knock the can into Mankind’s face but Mankind turns a valve to shoot steam into Taker’s face. A clothesline sends the can into Mankind’s face and the slow brawling continues. Taker hits him in the face with a wooden pallet but Mankind hits Taker low with a pipe of some kind. Mankind sends him into a wall and hits the running knee to drive Taker’s head into the wall again. An elbow off a ladder keeps Taker down and Mankind drags him along the floor.

The camera goes out again and the audience boos. Back with Undertaker laid out on the floor and Mankind setting up a ladder next to him. Mankind climbs up and in the best remembered spot of the match, Undertaker sits up and pulls him down onto a pile of pipes. Back up and Mankind goes for the door but Undertaker grabs him by the ankle. A fire extinguisher blast to the face puts Mankind down and it’s Undertaker out the door first. Mankind rams him into the door and gets out, only to fall in the aisle.

With Taker still inside Mankind barricade the door but Taker kicks it in anyway. They fight up the aisle with jobbers watching from the doors. Taker shoves him across the coffee area, allowing Mankind to get ahead a bit. He throws hot coffee onto Undertaker and crawls into the arena to give the fans something to see in person. Taker catches up with him and pounds away but Mankind keeps him out of the ring.

A Texas piledriver onto the concrete knocks Undertaker out cold but he sits up just in time to pull Mankind off the apron, slamming the back of his head into the concrete. Undertaker gets inside and gets on one knee in front of Paul but Bearer won’t give him the Urn. Mankind gets in and knocks Taker out with the Claw before Bearer does the unthinkable by turning on Undertaker and giving Mankind the Urn.

Rating: B. This is a hard one to grade as it was VERY long (nearly half an hour) and was unlike any other match up to this point. This match would have killed in the Attitude Era but here it’s just quite good. Bearer turning was shocking as he had managed Undertaker for nearly six years and I don’t think anyone believed he would ever turn on Undertaker.

Druids come out to carry Undertaker to the back. He’d be back the next night like nothing happened.

Camp Cornette is ready for Shawn Michaels. Cornette: “When Vader grabs you by the neck Shawn Michaels, you’re going to sound like Peter Frampton’s electric kazoo.” WHERE DOES HE COME UP WITH THIS STUFF???

WWF World Title: Vader vs. Shawn Michaels

Vader is challenging after pinning Shawn in a six man tag at In Your House #9. He pounds Shawn in the face to start before taking his head off with a clothesline. Shawn catches a big boot and leg sweeps Vader down before hitting a low dropkick to stun Vader. Michaels fires off rights and lefts from his knees and Vader bails to the floor. A HUGE dive takes him down again as the fans are finally waking up a bit.

Back in and a standing hurricanrana takes Vader down and a victory roll sends him back out to the floor. Shawn’s plancha into a hurricanrana is caught in a powerbomb and momentum changes in a hurry. Vader puts him on his shoulder and carries Shawn up the steps with one arm in a very impressive power display. A big suplex puts Shawn down again and Mr. Perfect gloats a lot. Shawn is sent into a Flair Flip in the corner and another whip sends him out to the floor.

Vader pounds away back inside but Shawn comes back with rights and lefts of his own. He can’t drop Vader though and a hard clothesline takes Shawn down again. Shawn tries to skin the cat but Vader pulls him back in and hits a kind of reverse jackknife for two. Off to a modified bearhug on the champion for a few moments until Shawn fights back with a running knee to the chest. Vader blocks a sunset flip but his jumping seated senton hits knees.

A hard clothesline puts Vader down and we get a semi-famous spot as Shawn goes up but aborts the elbow in mid flight, instead hitting a flying stomp. He throws a fit and yells at Vader before a cross body puts both guys on the floor. Vader drops Shawn throat first across the barricade…..for a countout win? Seriously? Female fan: “NO! NO! NO!” Cornette agrees because he wants to win the title by pin instead of countout.

Shawn agrees to get back in but Vader punches him down on the floor. Cornette pops Shawn in the back with the tennis racket and a belly to belly gets two for Vader. Michaels punches his way out of the powerbomb and hits the forearm/nip-up combo. He tunes up the band but Cornette throws in the racket, only to have Shawn intercept it and blast Vader for the DQ.

The third part of the match begins (Cornette, WE DON’T WANT IT THAT WAY, ring the bell again) with Shawn avoiding another seated senton and now the top rope elbow connects. Sweet Chin Music only gets two and the referee is knocked to the floor. Vader hits the powerbomb and a second referee comes in to count two. Cornette is stunned as Vader goes up, only to miss the moonsault. Shawn goes up top and hits a moonsault press to retain the title.

Rating: B+. I’ve only seen this match once or twice and it really holds up. Shawn was in his element here against a monster and he capitalized on Vader’s greed for the title to finally beat him. The problem was the people didn’t care about Shawn until he got in the ring which made him a hard sell for the fans. Still though, excellent match here.

Overall Rating: C. Well the last two matches are both good to great, but it takes awhile to get there. Thankfully for the show those matches take up over an hour of the card and help things out a lot. Unfortunately the NWO was running roughshod on the wrestling world at this point so the good matches here didn’t mean much at all. This wasn’t one of the stronger entries in the series though.

Ratings Comparison

Owen Hart vs. Savio Vega

Original: B+

Redo: C

Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas vs. New Rockers vs. Godwinns

Original: B-

Redo: D-

British Bulldog vs. Sycho Sid

Original: D

Redo: D+

Marc Mero vs. Goldust

Original: C+

Redo: D

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

Original: C-

Redo: D

Mankind vs. Undertaker

Original: A-

Redo: B

Vader vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A-

Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: C

Did I owe this show money a few years ago? My jaw is hanging open as I read these ratings again.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/07/30/history-of-summerslam-count-up-1996-mick-foley-has-arrived/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 1996
Date: January 21, 1996
Location: Selland Arena, Fresno, California
Attendance: 9,600
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect

We’re back to two minute intervals this year after last year’s mess. Thankfully the roster has gotten a much needed restocking with many future stars having debuted in recent months. This is still in a bad stretch for the company but things are looking much brighter for the future. Let’s get to it.

We open with Sunny (a gorgeous blonde with more star power than she knew what to do with) in a bathtub, saying this show is graphic and view discretion is advised.

Free For All: HHH vs. Duke Droese

This is the pre-show match and the winner is #30 in the Rumble while the loser is #1. Duke takes him into the corner for some right hands to the head to start but HHH starts going after the arm to take over. A powerslam cuts HHH off but the Trash Compactor (tilt-a-whirl powerslam) is broken up. HHH gets in a foreign object shot and Droese is done at 6:24.

Rating: D-. Nothing to see here of course but this was just a way to set up something for the battle royal. I’m not sure who was supposed to be interested in seeing a wrestling garbageman but that was the WWF in this era, which explains why the company was in the place they were in.

Never mind actually as WWF President Gorilla Monsoon comes out and reverses the decision to make Droese #30.

The opening video is about how the champion is defined by Hart, as in Bret Hart. Tonight though he’s against a force who has no heart, in the form of Undertaker. The Intercontinental title match (Ramon vs. Goldust) and the Rumble are talked about as well.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Ahmed Johnson

Last month at In Your House, Jarrett hit Johnson (a very muscular powerhouse) with a gold record to set this up. Jarrett immediately bails to the floor to hide. Back in he tries a hiptoss and Ahmed shrugs him off with ease. A headlock is easily countered by a throw from Johnson and a clothesline takes Jarrett down. There’s a World’s Strongest Slam for two on Jeff and things slow down again. Johnson misses a clothesline by a mile but Jeff sells it anyway of course.

A crossbody misses as well but this time Johnson goes flying over the top, getting his hand caught in the ropes on the way down. A HARD whip into the steps puts Johnson down and we head back in. Ahmed starts no selling stuff and catches a dive in a bearhug. That goes nowhere so Johnson sends him to the floor and hits a big dive. Back in and Ahmed misses a Swanton of all things (remember that he weighs about 280lbs) and there’s the Figure Four from Jarrett. Johnson powers out of it twice, so Jarrett cracks him with the guitar off the top for the weak DQ at 6:37.

Rating: C-. I was always an Ahmed fan so this was an easy pass for me. The image of the Swanton looked great if nothing else, which is more than enough to give this a pass. Jarrett was such a mess at this point and never went anywhere in the WWF. The ending completely sucked though and it really brought things down.

Merchandise plugs.

Diesel isn’t worried about the Rumble tonight and doesn’t think it’s Vader Time. He doesn’t care who he faces at Wrestlemania, but he isn’t happy with Undertaker being the #1 contender.

Tag Team Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. BodyDonnas

The Gunns are defending. The BodyDonnas are exercise enthusiasts Skip (Chris Candido) and Zip (Tom Prichard with a major haircut). They have Sunny with them and my goodness is she stunning here. Skip and Billy start things off with Skip taking over with a headscissors. Just like Ahmed earlier, Billy misses a charge against the ropes and crashes to the outside. Both Gunns get double teamed until Bart ducks out of the way, allowing a charging Billy to dive onto both challengers on the floor.

Things settle down a bit and it’s back to Billy vs. Skip with the champion in control. Sunny hits on Bart until it’s a distracted Bart vs. Zip. A gorilla press puts Zip down but he makes a blind tag, allowing Skip to take over. The champions are fine with the double teaming stuff too, and take over on Skip very easily. Sunny gets on the apron and is knocked off just as quickly.

Now we get to the important part of the match as Billy goes to check on Sunny, allowing the Bodydonnas to pound away on Bart. Skip hits a nice plancha onto Billy before suplexing Zip onto Billy for two back inside. Billy gets to play Ricky Morton for awhile, being put in a chinlock by Zip. This goes on for awhile until we get a sloppy spot where the Bodydonnas collide and Skip rams heads will Billy. This would work a bit better if Billy wasn’t about eight inches taller than Candido.

The hot tag brings in Bart and everything breaks down with the champions taking over. The Sidewinder (side slam/guillotine legdrop combo) crushes Zip but Sunny’s distraction lets Skip break things up and take Zip’s place. Ignore the fact that one has the straps of his singlet up and the other doesn’t, and the fact that they look as different as Demolition did. In an ending the Expresses used back in the 80s, the challengers load up a double suplex on Bart, but Billy spears Skip down, causing Bart to fall on Zip for the pin to retain at 11:14.

Rating: C-. Tag wrestling at this time was really weak with very few solid teams anywhere to be found. The Gunns were ok at best and the Bodydonnas were only popular because of Sunny. Billy would turn heel relatively soon and would eventually join up with Road Dogg to form the New Age Outlaws and turn the division completely upside down. Nothing much to see here but it certainly wasn’t terrible.

We get some of the Billionaire Ted skits, which were unfunny shots at Ted Turner. Not his wrestling company directly, but Turner himself. I’m still not sure why they decided to do these but no one liked them and they came off as mean instead of funny or witty. Note Vince Russo as one of the executives in the board room skit.

We recap Razor vs. Goldust (a bizarre man obsessed with movies and played by Dustin Rhodes), where Goldust is hitting on Razor to mess with his mind before the match tonight. To say Goldust’s character got them in hot water around this point is a huge understatement.

Intercontinental title: Razor Ramon vs. Goldust

The yet to be named Marlena debuts with Goldust here and Razor is defending as is his custom. Feeling out process to start with Goldust playing his usual mind games, which means rubbing himself. Razor cranks on the arm before grabbing a headlock which goes nowhere. Goldust goes behind Razor and molests him a bit to psych Razor out even more. They head to the corner with Razor having his head rubbed a bit, further ticking him off.

Razor goes for the arm so Goldust slaps him in the face. Perfect keeps making sex jokes as Razor slaps Goldust right back in the face. He spanks Goldust once as well, but the painted dude likes it. We head to the floor where Goldust hides behind Marlena as the stalling continues. Back in and Razor tries three straight headscissors before punching Goldust to the floor with a single shot.

We get more stalling which is called playing mind games before Ramon clotheslines him right back to the outside. Razor has to move Marlena out of the way, allowing Goldust to FINALLY do something, taking over with a shot to the ribs. Back in and Goldust focuses on the ribs, but not too much because that might mean we have some speed to this match. A bulldog gets two for Goldust as does a slingshot belly to back suplex.

Off to a sleeper, which Perfect suggests Goldust could use to do “whatever he wants” to Razor. Much like everything else in the match, this goes on way too long until Razor fights up and kicks Goldust low. He’s so spent though that Goldust gets a two count, causing Razor to start his comeback. Razor fires off his usual punches and the chokeslam gets two. A belly to back superplex hit but Marlena distracts the referee, allowing the 1-2-3 Kid to come in and kick Razor’s head off. Goldust gets the easy pin and the title at 14:15.

Rating: D-. Sweet freaking goodness this was dull. It went on WAY too long and had a bad ending on top of that, plus the stupid “psychology” from Goldust which wound up being more unpleasant than interesting or intelligent. Goldust would get WAY better when he became more of a comedy/parody character rather than this freaky dude that he was to start his WWF run. The matches got a lot better as a result too.

Wrestlemania XII is coming.

We get the usual promos for the Rumble, but we start with a statement from Shawn’s doctor who says he’s back and healthy. Thankfully this is kept very short and he’s not dull. We hear from Owen, Roberts, Lawler, Barry Horowitz (a career jobber who got a fluke win at Summerslam 1995), Vader (a newly debuted monster) and Michaels. Shawn would be the most obvious winner ever in the Rumble since…..well since last year when he was the absolutely obvious pick to win.

Vince and Perfect talk about the Rumble a bit.

Royal Rumble

HHH is #1 due to losing on the Free for All and Henry Godwinn is #2. The fact that he just happens to be feuding with HHH at this point is a pure coincidence. Helmsley pounds away in the corner to start but gets backdropped down very quickly. HHH pokes him in the eye and chokes away until Bob Backlund is #3. Backlund saves HHH before pounding away on him. These wide shots are showing how nearly empty the upper deck is.

Jerry Lawler is #4 as HHH hits the jumping knee to Godwinn’s jaw. The fans chant Burger King and you know Lawler isn’t going to pass up a chance to rile up a crowd. He goes to get the slop bucket that Godwinn brought with him, but Henry clears the ring and gets the bucket, throwing it over the top onto Lawler and some of Backlund. Bob Holly is #5 and things slow down a bit until HHH erupts on Godwinn for some reason.

We get some slow paced elimination teases until Mabel is #6. Still nothing happens so here’s Jake Roberts at #7 to an eruption. No one has been eliminated yet as Jake throws in the snake and everyone but Lawler can get to the floor. After nearly giving him a heart attack with the snake, Lawler disappears for a good while as he hides under the ring. Mabel gets tied up in the ropes and pounded on for a bit until Dory Funk Jr. is #8.

The DDT is countered by HHH as we hear about a friendship between Terry Funk and Bruce Willis of all people. Backlund and Funk go at it because they’re both old and I doubt Dory knows most of the other people in the ring. Lawler is seen hiding under the ring. Yokozuna is #9 as there are WAY too many people in the match at the moment. Backlund puts Dory in the chicken wing and is eliminated by Yokozuna for a prize. Yokozuna crushes Godwinn in the corner but Mabel splashes Yokozuna, killing Henry in the process.

The 1-2-3 Kid is #10 but Razor charges down the aisle to chase him away (not eliminated). Officials get Razor off the Kid but it takes Mabel beating Razor down to stop the chases. It amazes me that Razor was never in a Rumble. Omori, a Japanese star that doesn’t mean much yet, is #11. At the moment we’ve got HHH, Lawler (under the ring), Holly, Mabel, Roberts, Funk, Yokozuna, the Kid and Omori in the match after Godwinn was eliminated off camera.

Yokozuna and Mabel double team Omori until Jake pounds away on Yokozuna to the loudest reactions of the match so far. Funk hits a double underhook suplex on the Kid as Savio Vega is #12. He spinwheel kicks Mabel down, allowing Yokozuna to dump the reigning King (Mabel if you’re lucky enough to not remember that gimmick). Omori goes out thanks to Roberts and things slow down again.

Vader debuts at #13 and lumbers around while not doing much. He picks Bob Holly of all people to beat on first as Vega eliminates Dory. Vader pulls Savio back in from the apron for no apparent reason other than he wants to beat on him some more. Doug Gilbert from Memphis is #14 and HHH goes right after him for no apparent reason. Vader and Yokozuna slug it out to a big reaction but Vader has to stop to clothesline Roberts out.

The camera work in this is really bad as they keep looking at corners of the ring instead of the full thing, making us miss a lot of stuff. Savio pounds on Vader until one of the Squat Team members (BIG fat guys who are there because they’re fat and look alike) is #15. Vader sloppily throws Gilbert out and does the same to the Squat Team dude. Yokozuna and Vader slug it out again and people respond again.

The other member of the Squat Team is #16 but they both get in to double team Vader. The Mastodon (Vader if you’re not familiar) punches their faces in as only Vader can do before knocking them both to the floor. Owen Hart is #17 and everyone but Yokozuna is on one side of the ring for some reason. He and Vader double team Savio who doesn’t seem interested in selling at all. A pair of splashes in the corner crushes him, as do a regular splash and the big leg from Yokozuna.

Shawn is #17 to a decent pop but significantly smaller than Jake’s. Vader throws out Savio as Shawn goes after HHH and the Kid. Vader and Yokozuna slug it out a bit before slugging it out a lot. They fight against the ropes, so Shawn gets a running start and dumps them BOTH AT ONCE. Now THAT wakes up the crowd. If that’s not enough, Shawn gorilla presses (!) the Kid to the floor as the ring is suddenly very thin. Hakushi (a Japanese high flier)is #19 as the big guys fight on the floor.

Scratch the floor part as Vader gets back in and cleans house, but none of the eliminations count because he’s not legal. Once he’s finally taken away, we’ve got Shawn, HHH, Holly, Hart, Hakushi and Lawler underneath the ring. Tatanka is #20 as Shawn throws Jim Cornette out. Hakushi hits a Great Muta elbow on Hart in the corner as HHH of course goes after Shawn.

Michaels teases a bunch of eliminations to try to make us think he’s not winning. Owen dumps Hakushi as Aldo Montoya is #21. Shawn gets sent through the ropes to the floor, where he pulls Lawler out and sends him back into the ring. Tatanka puts out Montoya as Shawn puts out Lawler.

Here’s Diesel at #22 and house is cleaned. There goes Tatanka at the hands of the tall one and it’s time for Shawn vs. Diesel which gets a pop but is too short to mean much. Kama (later known as the Godfather) is #23 as this continues to go slowly. Shawn pounds on Holly in the corner as Kama and Diesel slug it out. The Ringmaster (Steve Austin, brand new here) is #24 and still wearing white boots in a really strange visual.

Shawn does his usual overblown self safe as Holly and Austin fight. Holly FINALLY goes out after nearly forty minutes and HHH vs. Austin happens about three years before it would mean anything. Barry Horowitz (with the awesome rock version of Hava Nagila) is #25 and he goes after Diesel. Well no one ever accused him of being brilliant. Shawn nips up to knock Owen to the apron, but Hart skins the cat back in.

HHH punches Diesel, so Diesel grabs him by the head and launches him to the floor. That’s about forty eight minutes for HHH which isn’t bad at all. Making a Difference Fatu (Don’t ask. Please don’t ask) is #26 and he doesn’t do much. Shawn and Owen can’t suplex the other one out so here’s Isaac Yankem DDS (later known as Kane) at #27. The ring is far too full but Barry is put out to thin it out a bit.

Owen hits the enziguri on Shawn (which put Michaels on the shelf leading up to this match) but Michaels hangs on again and puts Owen out while we’re looking at a double feature. Austin kills Shawn with a clothesline and here’s Marty Jannetty at #28. Fatu superkicks Kane as the burst of energy from Marty is already gone. Shawn and Jannetty go at it because they’re former partners. Perfect: “They’re rocking now aren’t they?” They punch each other down and the British Bulldog is #29.

Smith goes right for Shawn because of what happened last year. I love little bits of continuity like that which you never get anymore. Davey puts out Marty as Fatu erupts on Austin before clotheslining him out off camera. Yankem puts out Fatu and here’s Duke Droese at #30. The final group is Shawn, Droese, Diesel, Smith, Yankem and Kama.

Smith and Michaels fight to the floor and Owen jumps Shawn for good measure. Shawn shrugs it off and goes in to dropkick Yankem out. Kama and Diesel put out Droese to get us down to four. Shawn clotheslines Smith out before skinning the cat back in. Diesel dumps Kama and Shawn superkicks the tall one (in the shoulder) out to win for the second year in a row at 58:49.

Rating: D. Oh this was DULL. The problem here was that like last year (although to a far weaker degree), there were very few guys you could buy as a winner here. It’s way better than last year’s match but the crowd was dead for long stretches of this, mainly due to boredom. You could see the star power of the future, but that’s the problem: they weren’t stars yet and no one bought them at this point. The match isn’t bad, but it’s definitely not good if that makes sense.

Diesel is ticked off about the ending and goes back in as Shawn is stripping. They do their old Wolfpac thing in the middle of the ring (a high five where Shawn has to jump) and all is cool. Shawn poses for a long time post match.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Bret Hart

Bret is defending and Undertaker is still in his skull mask period due to having Mabel crush his face a few months back. Diesel is still straggling behind and stares at Undertaker during his entrance. They brawl with neither guy getting much of an advantage. Since this is WWF, we recap what we just say two minutes ago. After all that, here’s the World Champion. Undertaker stands in the middle of the ring and Bret circles him for a bit. Hart pounds away in the corner and the Dead Man stares at him.

Undertaker LAUNCHES him into the corner (one of my favorite Undertaker spots) before choking him in the air). Off to a smother hold which goes on for a long time. Bret finally makes the rope so there’s Old School….which sets up the smother again. Hart fights up and hits a middle rope clothesline followed by a regular one to send Undertaker to the floor. There’s a dive to take out the challenger as this finally picks up the pace a bit.

Bret tries to dive off the apron at Undertaker but is pulled out of the air and rammed into the post. Undertaker rams him into various other things until Bret reverses a whip into the steps, trying to damage the big man’s knees. Back in and Bret works over the knee as this is going nowhere. The Figure Four goes on….and on…..and on……and Undertaker turns it over.

Bret gets to the rope, so let’s put on ANOTHER LEG HOLD! It’s that always riveting one where Bret drops an elbow on the leg and just lays on it. This is also known as the Dusty Rhodes Special. He does however mix it up by trying to take off Undertaker’s mask. After being in this for literally about three minutes, he smashes his free leg on Bret’s head before we head back to the floor. Undertaker chokes away with a cord and sends Bret into the barricade as we head back in.

The champ goes back to the freaking knee as the fans loudly boo Bret. Undertaker’s leg is wrapped around the post a few times and it’s back to laying on the leg. We’re over twenty minutes into this and almost nothing has happened. To save my sanity the hold doesn’t last as long this time and Undertaker fights back. There are some legdrops and a clothesline as the knee seems fine. He loads up the Tombstone but Bret slides down his back and guillotines Undertaker on the ropes.

A DDT puts Undertaker down and Bret starts headbutting the back. We get the Russian legsweep but the Dead Man sits up. The bulldog takes the challenger down and there’s the middle rope elbow. Bret gives the fans a thumbs down and loads up the Sharpshooter. Undertaker grabs him by the throat to block it but Bret knees him in the ribs. A double clothesline puts both guys down and we lay around a bit more.

Bret is up first and takes off the buckle from a corner. He goes for the mask again and gets it off to reveal….the same Undertaker we’ve seen for like five years at this point. Seriously he looks fine. Undertaker fights back but gets rammed into the exposed buckle. That gets no sold and it’s a Tombstone for Bret. Since this is such a dull match though, Diesel pulls the referee out at two for a DQ at 28:28.

Rating: D+. This started VERY slow but got better for the last ten minutes or so, but the ending brings it right back down again. If this had been a fifteen minute match or so it would have been WAY better, but they only had so many other matches on the card, meaning this had to be longer. Diesel would face Undertaker at Wrestlemania of course.

Gorilla Monsoon makes Diesel vs. Bret for the title at the next PPV.

Shawn says the 90s will be his time.

Undertaker comes in to yell at Gorilla, saying that Diesel won’t be champion on his watch. Gorilla makes it a cage match so Undertaker can’t interfere.

Diesel goes on a big rant about how he’s not afraid of the dark and says he’s going to have his hands in everything from now on because the WWF is running on Diesel Power. This was his official heel turn.

Cornette says Vader cannot be ignored to end the show. He pretty much was until Summerslam.

Overall Rating: D. This is a really weird show to grade because while most of the matches got bad grades, it’s not that bad of a show overall. Don’t get me wrong: it’s bad, but it’s really not as bad as it sounds. The first two matches are certainly watchable, but they’re not that good. The Rumble is also passable, but it’s dull at times. Not horrible, but definitely not worth seeing.

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Summerslam 1996
Date: August 18, 1996
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 17,000
Commentators: Mr. Perfect, Jim Ross, Vince McMahon

Well it’s certainly a new era in the WWF. For one thing, Shawn is the undisputed biggest star in the company right now. Bret is on hiatus, and a loud mouthed guy from Texas is flipping people off and cursing a lot. It’s like there’s a growing Attitude or something going on. Eh nothing will ever come of that. I remember this show really well but actually have never seen the main event all the way through.

When I was watching the show live I taped it and for some reason never watched the main event. I guess the tape messed up or something like that, but I’ve never seen all of it so this will be virgin territory for me. This is the night of the first Boiler Room Brawl which is by far and away the most famous match on the show. I have fond memories of this show, so let’s see if they’re justified.

Dark Match: Yokozuna vs. Steve Austin

Austin won the KOTR earlier this year and with his post match promo, instantly became one of the hottest things on the planet. Yoko weight 660 here and would be gone pretty soon. It really is sad to see someone that had undeniable talent reduced to this, simply based on the fact that he couldn’t control his weight. This is a very short match, maybe three minutes or so.

Austin tries to knock him down and can’t, Yoko takes over and goes to the corner, and then in one of the most infamous botches ever, the ring ropes break and Austin just pins him. I’ve never heard anyone say that was planned and based off the announcers’ reactions, it wasn’t planned. Yoko was clearly surprised when that happened, so I’d guess that was all unplanned. Like I said, Austin just kind of rolled him up for the pin afterwards.

Rating: C. This is very hard to grade so we’ll call it average I guess. N/A would probably be a much better grade actually. It’s way too short to tell if it’s good or bad, but it wasn’t terrible and it was on free TV, so how can I complain about bonus not awful wrestling?

We get a very well done intro talking about monsters that wear masks and the heroes that fight them. That’s a really cool idea as both heels wear masks which is a nice connection to make. This was one of the better packages I’ve seen in a long time.

Savio Vega vs. Owen Hart

No real point to this match other than to have a fast opener which there’s nothing wrong with. Apparently both are good with martial arts. I think I missed that memo. Owen has a cast on his hand from an injury that I don’t remember happening. He’s doing the Orton thing as he’s been hurt forever apparently. Cornette isn’t there as he’s with Vader for the main event instead. Savio keeps going for the arm which is very basic yet quite intelligent strategy.

Ross wants to know how Owen passed a pre match physical. Are we supposed to believe that when matches are made on the fly that everyone has pre match physicals? Come on JR give us more credit than that. We go split screen to see Vader warming up for the main event as Vince says that Owen should feel slighted by being ignored by his manager. Why is it that every time someone throws a kick they’re instantly a martial artist?

Anyone else find that to be WAY too broad of a generalization? I certainly do for one. Savio doesn’t seem like much of a martial artist to me and neither does Owen, not in the slightest really. Vince continues to stir the pot saying that Stu isn’t as proud of Owen as of Bret. With talk like that, it’s no wonder he was almost a career heel. Owen has an armbar on Vega for a decent while and he bites Owen to escape. That’s either cool or just freaking stupid and I’m not sure which it is actually.

Clarence Mason, who is the lawyer for Cornette, starts walking towards ringside but no one is sure why. It turns out that he’s more or less staging a coup of Camp Cornette, but that was a bit off in the future. He was worthless to say the least. I’m pleasantly surprised with this match. It’s not mind blowing but it’s certainly not bad at all. I’d even go so far as to say it’s good.

A long match with faster guys is usually an excellent combination. It has one of the critical points that I think makes matches great: I’m not sure who is going to win. That uncertainly factor can work wonders for matches as it gives you a reason to want to see the ending. That’s what makes a match successful or any entertainment for that matter: you want to keep watching it because you’re not sure what’s coming.

They do a belly to back off the top but Savio’s head slams against the cast. Owen plays possum and slams the cast into Vega’s head before putting the Sharpshooter on him. Clarence comes in to celebrate but Owen isn’t sure why he’s there. Not a fan of the ending but this was a good match. On the replay you can see that the referee would have obviously seen the cast shot.

Rating: B+. Like I said I’m not a fan of the ending, but this was a very solid match in my eyes. It was up tempo, there was some storytelling in there, and I wasn’t positive who was going to win. It was a good way to set the tempo for the show and it’s given me high hopes. Based on this match alone, this show is better than last year’s.

Bradshaw comes out and beats up Savio with whom he was feuding with at the tiem in a decent but completely forgotten feud.

Todd goes into the boiler room to talk to Mankind, who says Taker shouldn’t come in here and that he’s ready for battle.

Tag Titles: Smoking Guns vs. New Rockers vs. Godwins vs. Bodydonnas

Again I ask, is it really that hard to get the tag titles on the show? New Rockers are Al Snow and Marty Jannetty, but Snow is known as Leif Cassidy at the time. This has elimination rules which automatically makes it better as it more or less gives you three matches for the price of one. Skip has a neck brace for no apparent reason. Dang the copyright for getting rid of Don’t Go Messin With A Country Boy. JR is given the task of explaining the tag title scene this year. Good luck good sir. You’ll be needing it.

Sunny as a cowgirl is incredibly attractive to say the least. Billy shouts about something unintelligible. She should have been one of the biggest names ever. Not just because of her looks either as she just had a great presence about her. You could see she just knew what to do in front of a camera. That’s a talent that no amount of looks can buy you. Yep, the champions are heels here, I guess along with the Bodydonnas and maybe the Rockers.

This is starting off very slow as would be expected until get the comedy idea of having the Guns fight each other. This lasts about 8 seconds as Zip comes in. He gets tripped and pinned very fast as I think Skip’s neck injury was legit. It seemed way too convenient and pointless to have them out there and eliminated so fast, so I’m assuming his neck really was hurt. I think they were faces or at least tweeners actually, which surprises me. Rockers take over on Hank.

This doesn’t last long as Hank realizes he’s fighting the freaking New Rockers and beats them up with relative ease, pinning one of them after the Slop Drop, bringing it down to the Guns vs. the Godwins. Due to the rules being the way they are, any way this ends means the titles can change hands. Not sure if that makes sense but it’s mid 90s WWF stuff so I’m just going to go with it. Billy just will not shut up and I’m sick of it already.

They beat on Henry for a long time until Billy being the brains of the team sets for a corner splash but screams first, leading to him getting caught. This allows for the lukewarm tag that no one could care less about. Apparently Bill Clinton is turning 50 today.

Hillbilly Jim goes after Sunny which allows for the double team to end the match and the Guns keep the titles. Afterwards Sunny talks about how great she is and offers a gift to the arena unveiling a massive poster of herself, which I’m certainly not complaining about.

Rating: B-. Eh, it was a pretty bland four team match but it let the Guns keep the belts with relative ease and it filled in some time on the card. It wasn’t particularly good, but it certainly did the job it was supposed to: title defense that took up some time and made the champions look good. That’s as good as it can get I guess.

British Bulldog vs. Sid

Not entirely sure why they’re fighting but I think Sid is feuding with all of Camp Cornette at this point. No Cornette with him though as Jim is with Vader. Sid says his usual insane stuff that goes nowhere at all. Again, why was he so freaking popular? Vince thinks Psycho Sid is crazy. Nice one there Vinny Mac.

Vince thinks fans are the same all over the world. Does he sleep through the Canadian shows? After Ross says don’t expect a lot of technical stuff from Sid he breaks out a headlock takeover and various suplexes, the last of which is countered into Davey’s suplex. Clarence Mason comes down to be pointless. Yes we have two big power guys here, laying on the mat with headlocks. I give up.

We see Vader warming up in the back with Cornette. They get it right here for the most part though by showing this while Sid is out on the floor rather than in the middle of action. Powerslam to Sid but Cornette comes out to yell at Mason. A second powerslam is blocked into a chokeslam and powerbomb by Sid to end it.

Rating: D. Boring match that did nothing at all but further the horrible Cornette vs. Mason feud for control over his stable. Once Mason took over the stable died completely. This was just a quick match that had nothing at all going for it and no one cared at all, or at least I didn’t.

Quick video on Shawn.

Goldust vs. Marc Mero

This is stemming from Goldust hitting on Sable a lot in the past few weeks. At least there’s a reason for them to fight. That’s a nice lesson that the writers today need to learn: it’s very possible to have a decent feud with even the most basic of stories. Running in to beat on someone isn’t really a storyline. That’s the common issue that starts “feuds” anymore and that just doesn’t get it done most of the time. Mero says that he’s going to win.

Goldust has been calling Sable mommy or something like that. That was never really explained which I think is the best move. Vince says that Mero and Sable are special people. I’m guessing it means he slept with Sable. JR hints at something called the Wild Thing. It’ll end the match. Naturally in a Goldust match it starts with random stuff from him that inspired the character that is known as KB. I’ve always found Mero to be overrated but he’s doing pretty well here.

Who would have thought that Goldust would still be active 13 years later? Ahmed Johnson, the IC Champion, is out with an injury and they’re not sure what’s going to be done about the belt. It’s vacated very soon if I remember correctly. Correction it was vacated earlier in the week. Mero would win it in a tournament in about a month or so. Goldust takes over for awhile until Mero is beaten down pretty badly.

Mankind comes out for no apparent reason as he and Goldust were working together for no apparent reason. Mero goes into the corner and comes off with a….well he jumped off and…it was kind of like….well he just jumped backwards and hit Goldust. This was of course very risky since it was from Mero. We’re told that Pillman is interviewing Sid on the Superstar line. Have to love that they’ve gotten over Sid nearly killing him in the War Games match in the early 90s.

The fans and commentators are just bored out of their mind but the classic ten punches in the corner gets them going a bit. Mero finally gets in the air a bit and wakes the people up somewhat. After beating Goldust up, they completely screw this up as Mero debuts the Wild Thing, more commonly known as a Shooting Star Press. Now, Mero just debuted a new big move that was clearly a finisher. So the logical thing would be to have him get the pin with it right?

Apparently not as Marlena is on the ropes for all of 5 seconds, which added to the two count is enough for Goldust to kick out. Yeah, that’s great. Let Goldust just kick out of it. If you’re going to do that, have the two count and THEN Marlena up on the apron so the count stops and Mero goes after her. Just don’t kill the move’s credibility that quickly.

They show the double screen of Mero doing and talk about how great it was. Goldust hits the Curtain Call for the pin. I just don’t get that. What’s the point of debuting a huge move like that and have him lose? Goldust tries to kiss Sable but Mero beats him up pretty well for it.

Rating: C+. This just has me shaking my head. It made the Wild Thing look weak here to have Goldust simply kick out of it, as well as just have Goldust beat him clean maybe 90 seconds after it. The wrestling was fine, but I do not get what the point was of the Wild Thing.

Sunny and Farrooq come out, as Sunny’s stable now consists of two cowboys and a black supremacist/gladiator. Does that sound like the beginning of a bad joke to anyone else? Two cowboys, a gladiator and a gold digging woman? Either a bad joke or a cheap porn movie. His blue helmet just looks so stupid.

He’s out there yelling about not being the IC Champion. To make even more sense, he lost the tournament in the finals to Mero of all people. Simmons desperately needs to get in the Nation of Domination. Sunny says she gets what she wants and she wants the IC Title. Does that mean she’s going to be in the tournament?

We see a recap of Lawler vs. Jake Roberts. Now this was a very interesting and intense albeit short feud. The idea is simple: Roberts is a recovering alcoholic and Lawler is making fun of him for it, even having a big bottle of alcohol in the corner with him for the matches and offering Jake a drink. Lawler, as a heel, has a huge fear of snakes. Some of the this is actually really disturbing as Jake has a bad issue with alcohol, which means I don’t think it should be used as an angle.

Before the match, we’re introduced to the World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry. Oh dear. He comes out to Luger’s music of all things so you know this is going to be bad. He can’t even get the headset on right to do commentary. For a guy like Vince that is obsessed with musclemen, this is just a big orgasm, complete with pyro for Henry.

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

He’s been on commentary 10 seconds and I’m already annoyed with him. Lawler has a bag of his own but we don’t see what’s inside yet. He’s also rocking a Baltimore Ravens jersey, which is considered cheap heat but to me that’s just pure awesomeness. For an Indians fan like me, this is just fun. Sandy Alomar is there and he says he’s left tickets for the Modells. He brings Jake’s partners, the Jim Beam twins.

He insults Jake’s wife as Henry is cracking up at the jokes, despite being a face. They point out that Henry was injured in the Olympics, as Lawler says that he’s dumb enough to bronze a gold medal. Henry is just awful on commentary. His comebacks are that of a 6th grader. Lawler is just doing one liners here as is his trademark. I never realized how tall Jake is but he’s about 6’5 which is taller than Orton and HHH.

Harvey Whippleman is the referee so Lawler is the most normal person in the ring. Lawler shows what’s in his bag: a massive bottle of alcohol. Henry shows that he’s a long term heel, saying that he’s afraid of snakes. Roberts wraps Revelations, the big yellow snake, around the King. Wouldn’t that be a foreign object? Ross sounds like he’s giving moral support to Henry which is just stupid sounding. After about 7 minutes of stalling, they finally make contact.

However in this case, I’m ok with the stalling as it makes sense here. Vince talks about how Jake is a veteran. I’d think Lawler has more experience actually. Lawler steals a soda from the floor and throws it at Jake. Henry of course is concerned about the fan’s drinking tonight. My goodness he’s terrible at this. Ross suggests that Henry learn the DDT. Yeah that’s a big negative. Lawler hits Roberts in the throat with a bottle to pin him with the tights.

The ironic part of Perfect being on commentary was that he was a huge alcoholic too. After the match, Lawler pours whiskey down Jake’s throat. He gets another bottle to do the same, but Henry, the face, stops him. This got really quite intense, but it was better in ROH when Raven did it to Punk, with Dreamer’s help.

Rating: C-. This was all about the angle and not about the match at all. The match itself would probably be an F, but the angle is very solid. It’s a real life angle that can actually work out. The sad part was how Roberts fell apart with alcohol and drugs in the future as has been well documented.

Backlund is campaigning to be President.

Recap of Taker vs. Mankind. Nothing here that needs explaining.

Boiler Room Brawl: Mankind vs. Undertaker

The way you win here is to come to the ring and claim the urn from Paul Bearer, who will be standing in the ring for the whole match. This is an odd match as Taker comes into the boiler room and immediately stats looking for Mankind. The big problem at first is you can’t see anything. The lighting is terrible and it’s a lot of lurking in the shadows and stuff, which is fine but not for a wrestling match.

Everything is way too dark to really get anything going. The commentators are talking about how Mankind could be anywhere. Now we get to the weird part: as soon as Mankind sneaks up on Taker and beats him up, we lose commentary. It’s not like the audio dies, but they just stop talking. It’s really weird to have a match like this with no audio at all other than the wrestlers themselves and whatever sounds they make while beating on things.

As for the match itself, it’s mainly the two of them hitting each other with random objects, which is fine as it’s just a big brawl in an odd place but the chemistry they have is perfect with each other, making this very fun. We get random things from the announcers, but it’s like a word between all three of them a minute. I’m assuming there’s closed circuit or something in the arena. The video goes out momentarily too but Vince says they’re sorry for it. Ah there it is.

This is mainly just weapons use, which is ok but can only go on for so long. Mankind launches some steam at Taker, which may or may not have been scalding. The crowd pops huge for Taker getting a pipe to the balls for some reason. This is really starting to show how important commentary is to a match as it would help a lot here. Running knee to the area near Taker’s head into a steel door would hurt horribly I think, if nothing else it would hurt Mankind’s knee.

Taker is getting his head handed to him like never before, which seems to happen in every match he competes in against a big time heel. Mankind’s incoherent babbling is a very nice touch. More technical difficulties as I’m pretty sure the fans are watching on closed circuit as they boo the heck out of it. This is the longest its been out for, although we pop in long enough to see Taker being slammed. We’re back now and Mankind has a ladder.

When I say ladder, I mean an old wooden one, not the kind in ladder matches. Here’s where we get the most seen spot of this match, with Taker pulling Mankind off the ladder and him falling onto a bunch of pipes and pieces of metal and wood. Oh, apparently it was a big box. As Taker goes for the door, a thought occurs to me: when Taker was looking around for Mankind just after coming in, why didn’t he just turn around and leave?

The rules just said once they were both in the first to get to the urn in the ring wins, so why not just turn and run? Probably because it wouldn’t be much of a match if that’s what they did I suppose. Big shot with a fire extinguisher which is always cool. They get through the door which is good as this match was in bad need of a change of venue. Mankind does something very smart and barricades the door. That’s actually a brilliant move when you think about it.

The dumb part comes when he stands there to help barricade it. Isn’t the point of blocking the door to be able to run from it? It’s weird seeing wrestlers standing in the hallway as these two fight. Mankind throws hot coffee on Taker, which could be fake I suppose. After about 20 minutes they’re in the arena. The good part is that it doesn’t feel like this has been going that long, which to me says it hasn’t been boring.

Ah good we have TV monitors there to show the people what was going on during the earlier part of the match. That’s nice of them. They fight even more trying to get into the ring. This is a great touch as it’s just more brawling and I like that after this long there’s no real leader. In a sick looking spot, both are on the apron and Taker slings the ropes back and Mankind slams down on the concrete. Taker gets in the ring and takes the knee, but Bearer won’t give him the urn.

Mankind takes him out with the claw as Bearer is laughing. He slaps Taker as JR screams to stop that. Taker crawls to Paul, reaching up for the urn. Bearer slams him in the head with it and hands Mankind the urn for the win. This was huge at the time as Taker had always had Paul Bearer with him. As they leave, Bearer says he’s Paul Bearer and you’re not. Well I’m glad he can say his own name. Maybe next he’ll know his phone number.

We get a single gong which I thought was a mistake but the lights go out and druids start singing. They head to the ring I guess to help Taker. What was it like when they got to the arena? I’m trying to imagine them asking where their dressing room is. The druids carry him out in more darkness.

Naturally, he’d be back soon but feuding with Vader over the WWF Title #1 contender spot, eventually taking the belt at Mania. This would in turn lead to what was likely the biggest angle of his career, as in less than a year, Bear would mention the name of the man called Kane.

Rating: A-. This was a very good fight. The angle was huge at the end, but I think the brawling in the boiler room went on a bit too long. Coupling that with the lack of commentary and it’s just below a classic. This at the time was one of the most brutal matches ever, but what they would do in the summer of 98 blew this so far out of the water it’s unreal. Still, this was great.

In Your House promo.

Vader and Cornette, who is still a bigger name than Mark Madden as he’s on Summerslam here cutting a promo just before the main event, say that they’re going to beat up Shawn and take the title.

WWF Title: Vader vs. Shawn Michaels

Vader had been built up as unstoppable all year and had pinned Shawn the previous month in a 6 man tag. The opening/formula is exactly what you would expect: Shawn starts off hot by throwing all kinds of high risk stuff and punches at Vader and they work for a long while. However, soon Vader takes over after landing a power bomb on the floor. Granted that’s the same move that nearly killed Mick Foley, but we can let that slide I suppose.

Shawn is just getting the tar beaten out of him here so he’s following the Bret Hart formula of start hot, look good getting beaten up, and then make your comeback. Shawn has some mini comebacks and Vader counters with a thumb to the eye. There’s something funny about that to me. Perfect drops the term go home, which means to end the match. That doesn’t happen at the moment of course though as that would just suck for a main event.

Shawn skins the cat which to me is one of the most athletic moves you can do along with the nip up. He gets caught though and Vader just throws him which is a cool looking move. Perfect just hates Shawn to say the least. Shawn keeps trying to come back with punches and clotheslines but they just don’t work. In an odd spot, he slides down to try a sunset flip but Vader puts his foot on Shawn’s chest. Shouldn’t that be a pin since Shawn’s shoulders are down?

He finally takes Vader down with a big clothesline. I think Shawn botches a move as he has Vader down to the elbow but he pulls up and just kind of lands next to Vader on his feet. I think he was trying to make it look like a big stomp but it just missed totally. I wonder why it wasn’t the elbow at that moment. They go to the floor and brawl again, but this time Vader picks up Shawn and drops him over the railing chest/ribs first.

Vader slides into the ring for the count out win. Wait, what the heck? Yes, Vader wins by count out that quick. The female fan at ringside is SCREAMING at Shawn to get up as apparently Becca has made her way to Cleveland. Cornette is ticked off and shouts into the mic that it’s not over yet and demands to keep going. Shawn is called a coward and agrees to keep going of course. Vader beats the tar out of Shawn but a powerbomb is countered by a bunch of punches.

Shawn finally gets the elbow but Cornette throws in the racket. Shawn catches it and beats the heck out of Vader, which is merely Shawn returning the favor for Cornette beating on Shawn earlier in the match. Vader wins by DQ. And so ends Summerslam…again with Shawn leaving to fight another day. Apparently it doesn’t though as Cornette is talking (stop the presses!) again.

Shawn of course accepts one more restart and they’re at it again. Shawn is killing him to start but gets caught. In between the ref goes down and there’s no one to count the pin. Also, Vader gets up from SCM. They set for the Vader Bomb but Shawn moves as the big man goes for the moonsault. He hits a moonsault from the top of his own onto Vader to get the pin. Perfect is ticked off and leaves the announce booth. He comes back all of three seconds later. Shawn poses us out to end the show.

Rating: A-. This was another very good match, but the triple ending just kind of left me scratching my head. It would have been fine had they just done a standard match by giving Vader a ton of time to beat on Shawn, ending with the moonsault to win in. Either way, this was a fine version of David vs. Goliath with Shawn looking like the giant killer at the end of it all to send the fans home happy.

Overall Rating: A. This show was AWESOME. It was the polar opposite of that excuse for a show we had last year. Every match is at least good with some solid angles, brutal matches and good technical stuff. I really liked what I saw here tonight and yes, this certainly lvies up to the hype. It’s certainly in the running for best Summerslam to date and perhaps best ever, but at the moment I’ll have to go with 92 just ahead of it. Still, excellent show and a big recommendation.

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Royal Rumble 1996
Date: January 21, 1996
Location: Selland Arena, Fresno, California
Attendance: 9,600
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect

We’re in the Monday Night Wars era now and it’s all about Shawn at the moment. He’s back from injury and in the Rumble tonight, looking to become the second person ever to win back to back Rumbles. Other than that we’ve got Bret vs. Undertaker which is another of those matches that can be hit or miss. It’s hard to say what we’ll get here….well not really because I’ve seen this show a bunch of times. Let’s get to it.

We open with Sunny in a bathtub, saying this show is graphic and view discretion is advised.

The opening video is about how the champion is defined by Hart, as in Bret Hart. Tonight though he’s against a force who has no heart, in the form of Undertaker. The IC Title match (Ramon vs. Goldust) and the Rumble are talked about as well.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Ahmed Johnson

Last month at IYH, Jarrett hit Johnson with a gold record to set this up. Johnson is basically Ezekiel Jackson with a bit of skill and charisma. Jarrett immediately bails to the floor to hide. Back in he tries a hiptoss and Ahmed is like boy are you stupid or something? A headlock is easily countered by a throw from Johnson and a clothesline takes Jarrett down. There’s a World’s Strongest Slam for two for Ahmed and things slow down again. Johnson misses a clothesline by a mile but Jeff sells it anyway of course.

A cross body misses as well but this time Johnson goes flying over the top, getting his hand caught in the ropes on the way down. A HARD whip into the steps puts Johnson down and we head back in. Ahmed starts no selling stuff and catches a dive in a bearhug. That goes nowhere so Johnson sends him to the floor and hits a big dive. Back in and Ahmed misses a FREAKING SWANTON (remember that he weighs like 280) and there’s the Figure Four from Jarrett. Johnson powers out of it twice, so Jarrett cracks him with the guitar off the top for the LAME DQ.

Rating: C-. I was always an Ahmed fan so this was an easy pass for me. The image of the Swanton looked great if nothing else, which is more than enough to give this a pass. Jarrett was such a mess at this point and never went anywhere in the WWF. The ending completely sucked though and it really brought things down.

BUY OUR STUFF!

Diesel isn’t worried about the Rumble tonight and doesn’t think it’s Vader Time. He doesn’t care who he faces at Mania, but he isn’t happy with Taker being the #1 contender.

Tag Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas

The Bodydonnas are Skip (Chris Candido) and Zip (Tom Prichard with a BIG haircut). They have Sunny with them and my goodness is she smoking (no pun intended) here. The Guns are defending. Skip and Billy start things off with Skip taking over with a headscissors. Just like Ahmed earlier, Billy misses a charge against the ropes and crashes to the outside. Both Gunns get double teamed until Bart ducks out of the way, allowing a charging Billy to dive onto both Donnas on the floor.

Things settle down a bit and it’s back to Billy vs. Skip with the champion in control. Sunny hits on Bart until it’s Bart vs. Zip. A gorilla press puts Zip down but he makes a blind tag, allowing Skip to take over. The champions are fine with the double teaming stuff too, and take over on Skip very easily. Sunny gets on the apron and is knocked off just as quickly, giving us a nice upskirt shot in the process.

Now we get to the important part of the match as Billy goes to check on Sunny, allowing the Donnas to pound away on Bart. Skip hits a nice plancha onto Billy before suplexing Zip onto Billy for two back inside. Billy gets to play Ricky Morton for awhile, being put in a chinlock by Zip. This goes on for awhile until we get a sloppy spot where the Donnas collide and Skip rams heads will Billy. This would work a bit better if Billy wasn’t about eight inches taller than Candido.

Hot tag brings in Bart and everything breaks down with the champions taking over. The Sidewinder (side slam/guillotine legdrop combo) crushes Zip but Sunny’s distraction lets Skip break things up and take Zip’s place. Ignore the fact that one has the straps of his singlet up and the other doesn’t, and the fact that they look as different as Demolition did. In an ending the Expresses used back in the 80s, the Donnas load up a double suplex on Bart, but Billy spears Skip down, causing Bart to fall on Zip for the pin to retain.

Rating: C-. Tag wrestling at this time was really weak with very few solid teams anywhere to be found. The Gunns were ok at best and the Donnas were only popular because of Sunny. Billy would turn heel relatively soon and would eventually join up with Road Dogg to form the New Age Outlaws and turn the division completely upside down. Nothing much to see here but it certainly wasn’t terrible.

We get some of the Billionaire Ted skits, which were unfunny shots at Ted Turner. Not his wrestling company directly, but Turner himself. I’m still not sure why they decided to do these but no one liked them and they came off as mean instead of funny or witty. Note Vince Russo as one of the executives in the board room skit.

We recap Razor vs. Goldust, where Goldust is hitting on Razor to mess with his mind before the match tonight. To say Goldust’s character got them in hot water around this point is a huge understatement.

Intercontinental Title: Razor Ramon vs. Goldust

The yet to be named Marlena debuts with Goldie here. Razor is defending as is his custom. Feeling out process to start with Goldust playing his usual mind games, which means rubbing himself. Razor cranks on the arm before grabbing a headlock which goes nowhere. Goldust goes behind Razor and molests him a bit to psych Razor out even more. They head to the corner with Razor having his head rubbed a bit, ticking him off even more.

Razor goes for the arm so Goldust slaps him in the face. Perfect keeps making sex jokes as Razor slaps Goldust right back in the face. He spanks Goldie once as well, but the painted dude likes it. We head to the floor where Goldust hides behind Marlena as the stalling continues. Back in and Razor tries three straight headscissors before punching Goldust to the floor with a single shot.

We get more stalling which is called playing mind games before Ramon clotheslines him right back to the outside. Razor has to move Marlena out of the way, allowing Goldust to FINALLY do something, taking over with a shot to the ribs. Back in and Goldust focuses on the ribs, but not too much because that might mean we have some speed to this match. A bulldog gets two for Goldust as does a slingshot belly to back suplex.

Off to a sleeper, which Perfect suggests Goldust could use to do “whatever he wants” to Goldust. Much like everything else in the match, this goes on way too long until Razor fights up and kicks Goldust low. He’s so spent though that Goldie gets a two count, causing Razor to start his comeback. He fires off his usual punches and the chokeslam gets two. A belly to back superplex hit but Marlent distracts the referee, allowing the 1-2-3 Kid to come in and kick Razor’s head off. Goldust gets the easy pin and the title.

Rating: D-. Sweet freaking goodness this was dull. It went on WAY too long and had a bad ending on top of that, plus the stupid “psychology” from Goldust which wound up being more unpleasant than interesting or intelligent. Goldust would get WAY better when he became more of a comedy/parody character rather than this freaky dude that he was to start his WWF run. The matches got a lot better as a result too.

Wrestlemania 12 is coming.

We get the usual promos for the Rumble, but we start with a statement from Shawn’s doctor who says he’s back and healthy. Thankfully this is kept VERY short and he’s not dull. We hear from Owen, Roberts, Lawler, Horowitz, Vader and Shawn. Shawn would be the most obvious winner ever in the Rumble since…..well since last year when he was the absolutely obvious pick to win.

Vince and Perfect talk about the Rumble a bit.

Royal Rumble

HHH is #1, having lost a match on the Free for All to Duke Droese, who won the right to be #30. Henry Godwinn is #2 and I believe he’s feuding with HHH at this point. Helmsley pounds away in the corner to start but gets backdropped down very quickly. The intervals are back to two minutes this year thank goodness. Trips pokes him in the eye and chokes away until Bob Backlund is #3. Backlund saves HHH before pounding away on him. These wide shots are showing how nearly empty the upper deck is.

Jerry Lawler is #4 as HHH hits the jumping knee to the face of Godwinn. The fans chant Burger King and you know Lawler isn’t going to pass up a chance to rile up a crowd. He goes to get the slop bucket that Godwinn brought with him, but Henry clears the ring and gets the bucket, throwing it over the top onto Lawler and some of Backlund. Bob Holly is #5 and things slow down a bit until HHH erupts on Godwinn for some reason.

We get some slow paced elimination teases until Mabel is #6. Still nothing happens so here’s Jake Roberts at #7 to an ERUPTION. No one is eliminated yet. Jake throws in the snake and everyone but Lawler can get to the floor. After nearly giving him a heart attack with the snake, Lawler disappears for a good while as he hides under the ring. Mabel gets tied up in the ropes and pounded on for a bit until Dory Funk Jr. is #8.

The DDT is countered by HHH as we hear about a friendship between Terry Funk and Bruce Willis of all people. Backlund and Funk go at it because they’re both old and I doubt Dory knows most of the other people in the ring. Lawler is seen hiding under the ring. Yokozuna is #9 as there are WAY too many people in the match at the moment. Backlund puts Dory in the chickenwing and is eliminated by Yoko for a prize. Yoko crushes Godwinn in the corner but Mabel splashes Yoko, killing Henry in the process.

The 1-2-3 Kid is #10 but Razor charges down the aisle to chase him away (not eliminated). Officials get Razor off the Kid but it takes Mabel beating Razor down to stop the chases. It amazes me that Razor wasn’t in more Rumbles. Come to think of it….he was NEVER in a Rumble. Omori, a Japanese star that doesn’t mean much yet, is #11. At the moment we’ve got HHH, Godwinn, Lawler (under the ring), Holly, Mabel, Roberts, Funk, Yoko, the Kid and Omori in the match.

Wait where is Godwinn? I guess he went out off camera. Yoko and Mabel double team Omori until Jake pounds away on Yoko to the loudest reactions of the match so far. Funk hits a double underhook suplex on the Kid as Savio Vega is #12. He spinwheel kicks Mabel down, allowing Yoko to dump the reigning King (Mabel if you’re lucky enough to not remember that gimmick). Omori goes out thanks to Roberts and things slow down again.

Vader debuts at #13 and lumbers around while not doing much. He picks Bob Holly of all people to beat on first as Vega eliminates Dory. Vader pulls Savio back in from the apron for no apparent reason other than he wants to beat on him some more. Doug Gilbert from Memphis is #14 and HHH goes right after him for no apparent reason. Vader and Yoko slug it out to a big reaction but Vader has to stop to clothesline Roberts out.

The camera work in this is really bad as they keep looking at corners of the ring instead of the full thing, making us miss a lot of stuff. Savio pounds on Vader until one of the Squat Team members (BIG fat guys who are there because they’re fat and look alike) is #15. Vader sloppily throws Gilbert out and does the same to the Squat Team dude. Yoko and Vader slug it out again and people respond again.

The other member of the Squat Team is #16 but they both get in to double team Vader. The Mastodon (Vader) punches their faces in as only Vader can do before knocking them both to the floor. Owen Hart is #17 and everyone but Yoko is on one side of the ring for some reason. Vader and Yoko double team Savio who doesn’t seem interested in selling at all. A pair of splashes in the corner crushes him, as do a regular splash and the big leg from Yoko.

Shawn is #17 to a decent pop but significantly smaller than Jake’s. Vader throws out Savio as Shawn goes after HHH and the Kid. Vader and Yoko slug it out a bit before slugging it out a lot. They fight against the ropes, so Shawn gets a running start and dumps them BOTH AT ONCE. Now THAT wakes up the crowd. If that’s not enough, Shawn gorilla presses (!) the Kid to the floor as the ring is suddenly very thin. Hakushi is #19 as the big guys fight on the floor.

Scratch the floor part as Vader gets back in and cleans house, but none of the eliminations count because he’s not legal. Once he’s finally taken away, we’ve got Shawn, HHH, Holly, Hart, Hakushi and Lawler underneath the ring. Tatanka is #20 as Shawn thrown Jim Cornette, Vader’s manager, out. Hakushi hits a Muta elbow on Hart in the corner as HHH of course goes after Shawn.

Michaels teases a bunch of eliminations to try to make us think he’s not winning. Owen dumps Hakushi as Aldo Montoya (Justin Credible with a jock strap over his face) is #21. Shawn gets sent through the ropes to the floor, where he pulls Lawler out and sends him back into the ring. Tatanka puts out Montoya as Shawn puts out Lawler.

Here’s Diesel at #22 and house is cleaned. There goes Tatanka at the hands of the tall one and it’s time for Shawn vs. Diesel which gets a pop but is too short to mean much. Kama (Godfather) is #23 as this continues to go slowly. Shawn pounds on Holly (why is he still in this?) in the corner as Kama and Diesel slug it out. The Ringmaster (Steve Austin who is brand new here) is #24. He’s in white boots which is a really strange thing to see for him.

Shawn does his usual overblown self safe as Holly and Austin fight. FINALLY Holly goes out after nearly forty minutes. HHH vs. Austin happens about three years before it would mean anything. Barry Horowitz (with the AWESOME rock version of Hava Nagila) is #25 and he goes after Diesel. Well no one ever accused him of being brilliant. Shawn nips up to knock Owen to the apron, but Hart skins the cat back in. Cool little sequence there.

HHH punches Diesel, so Diesel grabs him by the head and LAUNCHES him to the floor. The Game made it about 48 minutes which isn’t bad at all. MAKING A DIFFERENCE Fatu (don’t ask. PLEASE don’t ask) is #26 and he doesn’t do much. Shawn and Owen can’t suplex the other one out so here’s Isaac Yankem DDS (Kane) at #27. The ring is WAY too full but Barry is put out to thin it out a bit.

Owen hits the enziguri on Shawn which put Michaels on the shelf leading up to this match. Shawn hangs on AGAIN though and puts Owen out while we’re looking at a double feature. Austin kills Shawn with a clothesline and here’s Marty Jannetty at #28. Fatu superkicks Kane as the burst of energy from Marty is already gone. Shawn and Jannetty go at it because they’re former partners. Perfect: “They’re rocking now aren’t they?” They punch each other down and the British Bulldog is #29.

Smith goes right for Shawn because of what happened last year. I love little bits of continuity like that which you never get anymore. Davey puts out Marty as Fatu GOES OFF on Austin before clotheslining him out off camera. Yankem puts out Fatu and here’s Duke Droese at #30. The final group is Shawn, Droese, Diesel, Smith, Yankem and Kama.

Smith and Michaels fight to the floor and Owen jumps Shawn for good measure. Shawn shrugs it off and goes in to dropkick Yankem out. Kama and Diesel put out Droese to get us down to four. Shawn clotheslines Smith out before skinning the cat back in. Diesel dumps Kama and Shawn superkicks the tall one (in the shoulder) out to win for the second year in a row.

Rating: D. Oh this was DULL. The problem here was that like last year (although to a MUCH weaker degree), there were very few guys you could buy as a winner here. It’s FAR better than last year’s match but the crowd was dead for long stretches of this, mainly due to boredom. You could see the star power of the future, but that’s the problem: they weren’t stars yet and no one bought them at this point. The match isn’t bad, but it’s definitely not good if that makes sense.

Diesel is ticked off about the ending and goes back in as Shawn is stripping. They do their old Wolfpack thing in the middle of the ring (a high five where Shawn has to jump) and all is cool. Shawn poses for a long time post match.

Oh yeah we’ve got a thirty minute match left to go.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Bret Hart

Bret is defending and Taker is still in his skull mask period. Diesel is still straggling behind and stares at Taker during his entrance. They brawl with neither guy getting much of an advantage. Since this is WWF, we recap what we just say two minutes ago. After all that, here’s the world champion. Taker stands in the middle of the ring and Bret circles him for a bit. Hart pounds away in the corner and Taker stares at him.

Taker LAUNCHES him into the corner which is one of my favorite of his moves. He chokes Bret in the air and moves very slowly. Off to a smother hold which goes on for a LONG time. Bret finally makes the rope so there’s Old School….which sets up the smother again. Bret fights up and hits a middle rope clothesline followed by a regular one to send Taker to the floor. There’s a dive to take out the challenger as this finally picks up the pace a bit.

Bret tries to dive off the apron at Taker but is pulled out of the air and rammed into the post. Taker rams him into various other things until Bret reverses a whip into the steps, trying to damage Taker’s knees. Back in and Bret works over the knee as this is going nowhere. The Figure Four goes on….and on…..and on……and Taker turns it over.

Bret gets to the rope, so let’s put on ANOTHER LEG HOLD! It’s that always riveting one where Bret drops an elbow on the leg and just lays on it. This is also known as the Dusty Rhodes Special. He does however mix it up by trying to take off Taker’s mask. After being in this for literally about three minutes, Taker smashes his free leg on Bret’s head before we head back to the floor. Taker chokes away with a cord and sends Bret into the barricade as we head back in.

The champ goes back to the freaking knee as the fans loudly boo Bret. Taker’s leg is wrapped around the post a few times and it’s back to laying on the leg. Dear goodness get this over with already. We’re over twenty minutes into this and NOTHING has happened. To save my sanity the hold doesn’t last as long this time and Taker fights back. There are some legdrops and a clothesline as Taker’s knee seems fine. He loads up the Tombstone but Bret slides down his back and guillotines Taker on the ropes.

A DDT puts Taker down and Bret starts headbutting the back. We get the Russian legsweep but Taker sits up. The bulldog takes Taker down and there’s the middle rope elbow. Bret gives the fans a thumbs down and loads up the Sharpshooter. Taker grabs him by the throat to block it but Bret knees him in the ribs. A double clothesline puts both guys down and we lay around a bit more.

Bret is up first and takes off the buckle from a corner. He goes for the mask again and gets it off to reveal….the same Undertaker we’ve seen for like five years at this point. Seriously he looks fine. Taker fights back but gets rammed into the exposed buckle. That gets no sold and it’s a Tombstone for Bret. Since this is such a dull match though, Diesel pulls the referee out at two for a DQ.

Rating: D+. This started VERY slow but got better for the last ten minutes or so, but the ending brings it right back down again. If this had been a fifteen minute match or so it would have been WAY better, but they only had so many other matches on the card, meaning this had to be longer. Diesel would face Taker at Mania of course.

Gorilla Monsoon makes Diesel vs. Bret for the title at the next PPV.

Shawn says the 90s will be his time.

Taker comes in to yell at Gorilla, saying that Diesel won’t be champion on his watch. Gorilla makes it a cage match so Taker can’t interfere.

Diesel goes on a big rant about how he’s not afraid of the dark and says he’s going to have his hands in everything from now on because the WWF is running on Diesel Power. This was his official heel turn.

Cornette says Vader cannot be ignored. He pretty much was until Summerslam.

Overall Rating: D. This is a really weird show to grade because while most of the matches got bad grades, it’s not that bad of a show overall. Don’t get me wrong: it’s bad, but it’s really not as bad as it sounds. The first two matches are certainly watchable, but they’re not that good. The Rumble is also passable, but it’s dull at times. Not horrible, but definitely not worth seeing.

Ratings Comparison

Ahmed Johnson vs. Jeff Jarrett

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas

Original: D

Redo: C-

Goldust vs. Razor Ramon

Original: D

Redo: D-

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: D

Bret Hart vs. Undertaker

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: D-

Redo: D

Amazingly enough I liked it a bit better this time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/15/royal-rumble-count-up-1996-shawns-texas-two-step/

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