Wrestlemania 19
Date: March 30, 2003
Location: Safeco Field, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 54,097
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz
America The Beautiful: Ashanti

This show gets a lot of praise around here and I’m not entirely sure why. I’ve never been that enthralled by it, but maybe it needs another viewing. Your main event here is Kurt vs. Brock, which is simply due to Brock winning the Rumble and a solid build as you’re not really sure who the better man is. Brock is just past one year on television at this point and is going for his second world title.

To say he was dominant is an understatement. The real main event though is Hulk vs. Vince in a no holds barred match. It’s another instance of not putting the real main event on last, which is a shame as it got most of the buildup. Your midcard special is Jericho vs. Shawn in what was excellently built up as well.

We also get the third match in the Austin/Rock saga, which while still a big match, simply doesn’t have the big fire in it this time around. It turns out to be Austin’s last match as a regular. More or less that’s what holds this show back: the hype. The buildup was as good as any I’ve ever seen, but it wasn’t a mind blowing show. Let’s get to it.

Well done “it’s our World Series” package that never gets old, following Ashanti singing America the Beautiful which has been missed by me. The first problem with this show is simple: the theme song. Crack Addict by Limp Biskit. I never could figure out why they wouldn’t say the name of the song on television, but then it made sense. Make your own PG jokes.

Cruiserweight Title: Matt Hardy vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is dressed as Daredevil as he beging his tradition of being a superhero at Mania. Matt is in the middle of what was always one of my favorite stupid gimmicks: Mattitude V1.0. This involves him having fun facts pop up on screen during his entrance which is made to look like he’s on a website. Today’s Mattitude Facts: Matt is appearing in his 4^th Wrestlemania and Matt often wonders how they did Wrestlemania without him.

He’s also desperately trying to stay at the Cruiserweight limit of 220lbs, often with comical results. Matt is accompanied by Mattitude Follower (MFer) Shannon Moore. Hardy used Disco Inferno method of Cruiserweight wrestling: Wrestle like a heavyweight and hope it works out for the best. Moore distracts Rey to start but Matt gets backdropped to the floor. Blast you little MFer.

Head scissors and a spinwheel kick put Matt down and set up an attempt at a sunset bomb to the floor. Shannon makes the save and allows Matt to take over. Shannon’s people are called Morons. Taz and Cole make bad jokes about how Matt got his weight down using terms like banana juice, teabag and BJ. You figure the rest out for yourself.

Matt locks in a bow and arrow to keep Rey on the mat for awhile. A corner charge misses though and Matt goes into the post. Seated Senton gets two for Rey and we speed things up a bit more. Shannon breaks up the 619 and there’s the Twist of Fate for two. The foul poles in the background take a bit of getting used to.

Matt tries Splash Mountain from the bottom rope but Rey reverses into a rana for two. 619 hits and it’s West Coast Pop time. Matt ducks so Rey settles for a victory roll. Hardy ducks into it ala Owen at Mania X and grabs the rope to get the win. That was abrupt to say the least.

Rating: C-. Not a fan of the ending at all. This was getting good and they cut the legs out from under it after less than six minutes. I get why they had to do that as a lot of the matches are long but the pacing of the match could have been a lot better to make that ending not seem so abrupt and not to make this seem like a TV match. Still decent though.

Time for our first bad celebrities as the Miller Light Cat Fight girls show up. They’re two hot chicks that fight over beer. Their limo couldn’t be tackier as it’s a long black limo with a sign on the door saying Catfight Girls. It just doesn’t look good at all. The dumb arguments start already.

We get a clip from earlier with Nathan Jones, Undertaker’s tag partner for later, being laid out by A-Train and Big Show. This would be due to the fact that the company thought he wasn’t capable of being on live PPV with his skills at the time. Shouldn’t they have noticed this before Wrestlemania Sunday?

Limp Bizkit performs Rollin live to play us to this.

Undertaker vs. Big Show/A-Train

This is Taker vs. Big Show for the 10^th time or so. A-Train is there for no apparent reason other than to make us think Taker might have some issues here. Fred Durst does not belong in the ring at Wrestlemania with Undertaker, period. This is officially a handicap match now. A-Train spits on Taker’s bike to distract him so Show can jump him. This of course fails and A-Train takes a chokeslam for two as Show saves.

Taker hammers away at both guys and makes sure to stay out of the corner. This was part of the A-Train’s push which I never quite understood but they were trying at least. Taker busts out a leap frog of all things and there’s Old School to A-Train. Derailer (Chokebomb) hits Taker but of course he doesn’t cover. Instead he sends Taker to the floor so Show can ram him into the post.

There’s a flag on Undertaker’s bike which is due to his nephew serving in Iraq who the match has been dedicated to. Show comes in and they slug it out a bit. Taker really likes to punch doesn’t he? Show’s chokeslam is countered into a Fujiwara armbar and then into a cross armbreaker to A-Train. Show drops a leg to break that up and rams some headbutts in.

Abdominal stretch goes on after all the head and neck work. I guess Show is working on the ribs now. A-Train comes in now and stomps away before putting on an abdominal stretch of his own. Taker reverses into one of his own and that’s about the extent of his offensive run as it’s back to the beating again. Train slaps him in the face because he’s not that intelligent.

Naturally Taker makes the comeback and hits a running DDT for two as Show makes the save. Show is sent to the apron by the referee so Taker hits him anyway. Here’s the comeback and the monsters are in trouble. Big clothesline takes down Show. And never mind as a bicycle kick takes his head off. Chokeslam to Taker and here comes Nathan Jones. He kicks Show in the aisle to take him down (shouldn’t that be a DQ?) and hits the ring. Big boot to A-Train and the Tombstone ends this.

Rating: D. Can someone explain to me why this got ten minutes almost and the previous match couldn’t even get six? Not much of a match and far too long for its own good. Taker was never going to lose and everyone knew it, yet they let it go off even longer which didn’t help at all. Jones was gone soon after this I believe.

Catfight girls run into the much hotter Torrie and Stacy.

We get a recap of the pointless Raw tag title match from Heat that leads nowhere. That was on Heat and the Cat Fight girls were on here. That’s life I guess.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz vs. Victoria

Jazz still isn’t cared for at all. As usual Trish looks great and gets the confetti for her entrance. Yeah, no guesses as to who is going over here. Victoria is champion coming into this and is in her total psycho phase here with the awesome T.A.T.U. theme music. I’ve always loved this character and throwing in that I always thought Victoria was mind blowingly hot isn’t hurting anything here.

Ross says that Jazz has a Mike Tyson like attitude. Lawler says it’s a Mike Tyson like look. Victoria has Steven Richards with her for no apparent reason. Jazz jumps both of them quickly and sends Victoria to the floor. She grabs a front facelock and flips forward to bend Trish in half with a facelock. Trish gets a Thesz Press and poses a lot. Victoria pulls her to the floor and we brawl out there for a bit.

Jazz vs. Trish in the ring at the moment with the less attractive one in control. Double shoulder breaker to Trish so it’s Victoria vs. Jazz now. Love that backless outfit on Victoria. Lawler says Trish is like a quarter among pennies. What the heck does that even mean? Match is kind of a mess so far but it’s not horrible. Powerslam by Jazz gets two on Trish.

The heels go at it again which Trish takes advantage of, ramming their heads together to take over. Big spin kick by Jazz misses and Trish gets a rollup for two. Chick Kick gets two. Trish kicks Victoria to the floor as Jazz shouts a lot. Half crab goes on and into an STF to Trish by Jazz. Stevie intercepts Trish’s tap out so Victoria isn’t out.

Trish gets a rollup of Victoria and we get a nice shot as Trish pulls the tights. Double chickenwing by Jazz to the blonde but Victoria takes Jazz down. Moonsault misses though, but Victoria still sends het to the floor. Stevie accidentally hits himself with a chair and takes a Stratusfaction for being an idiot. Chick Kick to Victoria gives Trish the title.

Rating: D+. This was just your standard Women’s Title match and nothing more. They’ve been the same for years and this was no different. Trish gets the title back for a token title change and would likely hold it for a very long time. Yeah that’s all I’ve got. Oh and Victoria has a nice figure.

Rock is bitter about being booed last year against Hogan and has turned his back on the people. He’s obsessed with beating Austin in a big match, which I don’t think he ever has. This takes way longer than it should have.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle vs. Rhyno/Chris Benoit

First fall wins it here as I continue to be amazed by how well Eddie suited his gimmick. While he’s not as great as he’s given credit for, he certainly was good. Team Angle is Charlie Hass and Shelton Benjamin by the way. Hass was supposed to be the breakout star at first but obviously after about two matches we knew that wasn’t going to happen. This is more of what we’ve seen all night long: a match that’s good enough to be a decent TV main event, but not WM worthy. No point here other than for the titles to be on the line.

Team Angle has the titles here. Benoit had a masterpiece with Angle at the Rumble but since a guy that was ridiculously popular and great in the ring clearly had no business feuding with HHH on Raw for the title (I mean we had SCOTT STEINER to do that) he was shoved into this pointless tag team and wasted most of 03 until he got so popular that he went to Raw the next year after winning the Rumble.

Big brawl to start as the referee tries to settle things down a bit. Chavo and Haas finally get us started. Haas tags out to Benoit and it’s Benoit vs. Eddie now. This works for me. To the shock of no one they hammer away on each other with neither guy being able to maintain an advantage. They ram heads which allows Rhyno to be brought in.

Powerslam to Eddie gets two. Benjamin comes in for the first time and works on the neck of Rhyno. Chavo breaks up a pin attempt as this is just ok. It’s like any match that could have been on Smackdown yet it’s here on Wrestlemania. Benoit suplexes Haas for two. We’re off to Rhyno vs. Benjamin now. They’re tagging in and out quickly but it’s kind of keeping anything from getting started. It’s been a random assortment of one on one matches so far. Nothing bad but nothing that interesting.

Eddie dropkicks Rhyno to take over and it’s off to Benoit vs. Guerrero again. Guerrero gets a belly to back and sets for the Frog Splash but gets caught in a superplex for two as Shelton saves. Benoit fires Eddie into the air for a flapjack and pulls him down into the Crossface in an awesome looking move. Haas breaks it up seconds later and then just leaves so the two masters can go at it some more.

Chavo comes in and cleans a lot of house. His name being Guerrero kind of hurts him as he’s always in Eddie’s shadow. Rolling Germans to Chavo but Chavo makes a blind tag to Shelton. Superkick to Benoit gets two. Eddie vs. Shelton at the moment so Shelton covers Benoit. Frog Splash breaks up the pin though so it’s off to Chavo vs. Haas. Haas suplexes him and gets Gored. Gore to Chavo and Benjamin steals the pin to retain the titles.

Rating: C+. It was getting a lot better at the end when they dropped the tagging stuff but this was a match that could have been on any Smackdown for the most part. It’s good and definitely the best match of the night so far. Still though, not much here but good stuff for what it was.

Torrie and Stacy argue with the Catfight girls over who made Mania, Hulk or Vince. This isn’t sexy or interesting, it’s just annoying at this point as the Catfight girls read from a script. Apparently this argument is going to be settled “in bed”. Lord help us all. One of them keeps saying Holgan instead of Hogan.

From this thing on, everything is nearly 18 minutes long.

We recap Jericho vs. Shawn. Shawn came back and won the world title. Jericho ran his mouth so Jericho got kicked in the face. He eliminated Shawn from the Rumble and vice versa. Shawn was his inspiration apparently and wanted a match at Mania. Jericho was walking through the curtain one night and something kicked him in the face. Shawn came out and posed over him, saying he’d see him at Wrestlemania. Jericho was evil here, putting Stacy in the Walls of Jericho and drilling Shawn with chairs.

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn brings a confetti gun with him. Oh ok he has them throughout the entrance to fire his own pyro. Cute kind of. Shawn gets pyro that goes around the back of the stadium when he does his in ring pose. That’s pretty cool. The fans are into Shawn of course as they have some mat stuff going on to start us off. Shawn lays on the top rope which is something I always found funny.

Headlock takes Jericho to the mat and out he goes to the floor. Shawn teases a plancha but Jericho sees it coming. Shawn stops and goes with a baseball slide instead. Back in a cross body gets two for Jericho as he rolls through Shawn’s move. Jericho hammers away but can’t get the bulldog. Shawn busts out a figure four and Jericho is in trouble.

After that doesn’t last long a headscissors puts Jericho on the floor, allowing Shawn to hit his plancha. Jericho counters and locks on the Walls on the floor. Shawn’s back goes into the post and HBK is in trouble. Jericho gets another dropkick to keep Shawn on the floor. Shawn’s back is the target now and it’s all Jericho. The cocky pin doesn’t work so we go to the chinlock.

Shawn reverses a suplex into a DDT but he can’t get up. Once he finally does, Jericho adds a forearm and the Nip Up. Shawn Nips Up also and then does it again. There’s the moonsault press for a long two. We get the always classic pinfall reversal sequence, resulting in a Walls attempt but Shawn kicks him off instead.

Northern Lights Suplex gets two for Jericho but Shawn bridges up for a backslide. Jericho reverses that and takes Shawn does to retain control. Lionsault gets two and Shawn starts his comeback. Rana misses though and it’s into the Walls for Shawn. Shawn makes the rope but his back is destroyed. Backbreaker sets up a top rope back elbow for no cover.

Instead Jericho Tunes up the Band. A fairly awesome Sweet Chin Music puts Shawn down for two and Jericho isn’t sure what to do next. Shawn gets a cross body out of the corner and some rights to buy himself some time. Shawn teases the Walls of Jericho but goes with a slingshot instead, sending Jericho into the post. Jericho tries a belly to back off the top but Shawn spins over into a cross body for a long two.

Shawn goes up and gets crotched via the referee being sent into the rope. Superplex is blocked though as Shawn shoves him off and there’s the elbow. Time to Tune up the Band again but the kick misses and it’s into the Walls again. A rope is grabbed and Jericho tries to beg to the referee. Chris walks into Sweet Chin Music though and down he goes but Shawn can’t cover. Both guys are back up and Jericho sends him into the corner. Shawn flips over and gets his feet under Jericho’s shoulders, rolling him backwards to end this finally.

Rating: A-. Definitely a great match, but not an all time classic. HBK shows he still can go at Mania and Jericho has one of the best matches of his life here as he’s totally into this. The only thing missing was the superkick to end it for Shawn, but this might have been better, not sure yet.

Jericho kicks Shawn in the balls post match, cranking his heel rating up by about 10.
Last month at no Way Out the show was in Montreal, there was a French ref that screwed Hogan out of the rematch with the Rock by helping Vince. He heads into Vince’s locker room.

Goldberg debuts at Backlash. That may have been the biggest flop in company history. It turns out he fought Rock in Rock’s last match before he left to make another movie, thereby more or less ending his time as an active wrestler.

New attendance record of over 54,000. Impressive again.

Limp Biskit performs AGAIN, and somehow the people couldn’t care less than they did the first time. This goes on 5 minutes.

Torrie’s Playboy came out two days later. We see clips of a news conference. We get the Catfight between the Catfight Girls and Torrie/Stacy. Coach gets stripped down to his underwear, as do the rest of the girls. Not a real match, not an interesting segment. The only thing good about this is Stacy’s Legs music which I always liked.

Time to talk about the Raw World title. This show has been on for nearly two hours and this literally hasn’t been mentioned until now. There hasn’t been a graphic, there hasn’t been hype, there hasn’t been an interview. If that’s not proof that the title matches aren’t the biggest on the card, I don’t know what is.

The idea here is that they’re playing up Booker’s hard life growing up vs. HHH’s privileged lifestyle. Booker pinned him on Raw in a tag match. Nothing about this match screams Mania at all. Unforgiven or Judgement Day maybe, but not Wrestlemania.

Raw World Title: Booker T vs. HHH

Oh and Booker pinned HHH on Raw this past week. I forgot about that but it’s not like it’s going to matter. HHH has the purple tights on here too. Poor Booker. He actually thinks he has a chance here. We hear about his hard life and how he worked his way up to become a 5 time WCW Champion. Jerry: HHH told us how much of a joke that place was. Ross: I worked in WCW. You didn’t. How would you know it was a joke? Jerry: Was it a joke? Ross: Darn right it was! Too funny.

They slug it out in the corner to start with Booker having a slight advantage. HHH actually goes up top and gets arm dragged down. Out to the floor now and the champion goes into the post. Back in and a clothesline gets two for Booker. Now we talk about the Fink for no apparent reason. HHH sends Booker to the apron and rams his head into the post to take over.

Jerry keeps making prison/court jokes about Booker. Neckbreaker by HHH gets two and he lays in the shots. The fans chant for Booker so HHH hits a spinebuster on him to quiet that down and get two in the process. Big clothesline in the corner gets the same. Suplex gets reversed and Booker hits a DDT and Lawler makes fun of Booker again. Ross has to stop himself from saying GD which gets Lawler laughing.

Side slam gets no cover for Booker but a spinning forearm gets two. Sleeper by HHH doesn’t work but a high knee does. It’s been mainly the champion in control here. Facebuster connects but HHH walks into a spinebuster for two. HHH tries to go up again and jumps into a jump kick by Booker for two. Axe kick and side kick misses, the latter of which sends Booker to the floor.

Flair drills Booker’s knee into the stairs to give HHH something to work on. HHH busts out an inverted Indian Death Lock which you won’t see for years. HHH, love him or hate him, is almost as old school as you get. Off to a regular one as Booker is in trouble. For those of you unfamiliar, the best way I can put it is a Sharpshooter with the legs instead of the arms and legs and less torque on the back. It doesn’t matter as a rope is grabbed.

HHH tries to send him into the corner and Booker collapses. Knee crusher is reversed into a sunset flip for two as the fans pop big for it. Pedigree is countered but Booker is launched into the referee who stays down for about a second. Must not have been planned. Booker gets a jumping back elbow and his leg is fine now. Scissors kick puts HHH down as now the leg hurts again. That gets two.

Booker goes up but Flair interferes to let HHH get to Mr. T. Superplex is blocked and Booker hits the Harlem (Houston here) Hangover for no count as Flair puts the foot on the ropes. Naturally, as after all HHH isn’t allowed to lose the title for a very long time right? Booker’s knee gives way and HHH hits the Pedigree. Twenty five seconds later HHH puts his hand on Booker and retains. Well of course he does.

Rating: C+. This was around the time that HHH was trying to expand his moveset to include things like the sleeper, Indian deathlock and DDT. They’re ok, but he wanted them as extra finishers and that just didn’t work. It was a very weird time in his career right now and this match it the crowning glory of that time. It’s clear here that Booker wasn’t going to win the title and was being fed to HHH. If you want to see the time where people say HHH was taking over the company, here is exhibit A.

WM 20 is going to be at Madison Square Garden. That is where it belongs.

We recap Hogan vs. Vince. If Hogan loses, he retires…again. This is billed as 20 years in the making, despite this being the 19th year of Mania. The fight is over who should get the credit for Mania, both the Hulka and Wrestle varities. That’s a thread that was great when it was done and I’d like to see a replay of it.

Anyway, this is a street fight for obvious purposes. It’s also the match that sold this show, but in WWE logic, that can’t go on last of course as they didn’t learn from last year. While obviously this isn’t the entire story, the more I see of this the more I think Hulk should get more credit. Based on the video alone, this should be the main event.

Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon

Hogan comes out to Voodoo Child. Are you serious? WWE owns the rights to the most legendary theme song in wrestling history and they use Voodoo Child? The pop is barely even there which surprises me. The fans are into it, but there’s not much special.

To top it all off, he comes out first. Seriously? I know Vince isn’t a fan of Hogan’s but this is absurd. Once they say his name he gets a pop, but I really think the fans didn’t know who he was at first. Hogan, nice guy that he is, rips up a Vince Still Sucks sign.To say McMahon is ripped is an understatement.

Hogan takes him down with a clothesline to start and we get some “ground and pound.” Vince fights back and hammers away, working on the arm. They’re moving incredibly slowly right now too. The arm goes around the post as we talk about the steroids trial in the early 90s, which according to Stephanie was like 9/11. Test of strength goes on and Hogan fights back up.

They ram chests like Warrior and Hogan but once again Vince kicks him in the gut to bring him back to his knees. Vince having a muscular man on his knees. Make your own jokes here. Hogan fights up for the third time and gets kicked in the ribs again and sent to the floor. Vince hammers away even more and has been in control the majority of the match here.

Chair shot to Hogan misses and Vince is rammed into the post instead. The chair drills Vince as Hulk takes over for a bit. Vince is busted open so Hogan hammers away. Crowd is into this too. Another chair to the back and down goes Vince. Hogan misses a chair shot and the Spanish Announcer takes it in the head. That’s what he gets for putting stuff on their table I guess.

Low blow by Vince shifts control again and he grabs the chair. And now Vince sets up a ladder. This cannot end well at all. He sets it between the tables and Hogan is laid out on the Spanish Announce Table with a monitor shot to the head. Vince climbs up, does the hand to the ear, and drops a leg onto Hogan, leaving both people laying.

After they lay around for about two minutes off of that, Vince rolls him back in and gets two for a big (although what should be an unsurprised) pop. Vince’s face is creepy from that. He goes under the ring and luckily finds a lead pipe. We get the famous shot of Vince’s crazy/evil eyes as he slowly rises up above the apron to get back in.

Hogan, ever the hero, gets a low blow to make Vince drop the pipe. A guy runs in through the crowd in a hood and pulls it off, revealing Rowdy Roddy Piper. Well he belongs in the discussion I guess. He picks up the pipe and drills Hogan with it, I guess being a heel. Piper is fathere too. Piper leaves and that gets two, putting us right back to where we were before Piper got here.

The referee steps on the pipe so Vince can’t use it. It’s a street fight so anything goes right? Vince drills him and waves down another referee. He gets two: an actual referee and the aforementioned French referee (future tag champion Sylvan Grenier). Another pipe shot and leg drop get two as Hulk Hulks Up. Down goes the French dude to the power of AMERICA. Hogan drops THREE leg drops and this is finally over.

Rating: B. While not the legendary classic it gets credit for, this was very fun indeed. Piper makes little to no sense to me at all here. Stupidly enough, it led to a feud between Hogan and Piper/Sean O’Haire. Really? Anyway, this was a very fun fight all day. I never really thought Vince would win, but it was fun to believe in him for awhile. Biggest flaw for me though: that freaking Voodoo Child song. HULK HOGAN’S MUSIC IS REAL AMERICAN. Anyone could tell you that. So freaking stupid.

Shane comes out to check on his dad. Yeah that’s all he’s here for. Seriously, he does nothing else.

We recap Rock vs. Austin. What recap do you need here? This match is the epitome of a grudge match. The idea here is simple: Rock has never beat Austin in a big match, namely at WM. He has done it all but defeat his arch rival and it’s killing him. This would have been so much more effective had it been 1-1 at Mania for them.

The problem for me was simple. So what if Rock wins? It’s still 2-1 Austin and Austin beat him twice for the title. That doesn’t exactly scream even to me. This is a weird thing to do here as Rock is finally (get it?) as big as Austin as far as star power despite Austin being so far past his prime he can’t even see it and Rock would be gone in a month, but he’s finally the true heel here and it’s one on one.

This whole match is built on Rock needing to win and getting more and more desperate to do it. They’re both nowhere near as good as they were 2-3 years ago, but they’re still very solid.

This gets the music video treatment but it doesn’t pack anywhere near the punch of My Way.

Steve Austin vs. The Rock

This is Austin’s last match as today. Austin comes off his fourth corner and turns around to see Rock waiting on him. This is the first time Austin came out second I think. There’s the bell and these two at Mania just feel right. They slug it out and Austin takes control, shocking no one. Stunner misses early and we hit the floor. We go to the Smackdown table with Austin beating Rock to death.

Rock goes into the steps and takes a belly to back suplex in the ring. We get into the wrestler vs. actor debate which is rather interesting indeed. This match has DQs mind you. Rock gets a shot to Austin’s knee which I think is his first offense of the match so far. Out to the floor again and Rock gets a second chop block to take Austin down.

After some more knee work on the floor Rock sends him into the ring again and stomps away. Austin fires off some punches but lowers his head and Rock takes the knee out again to stop Austin’s momentum. Sharpshooter goes on and Austin is in trouble. Hebner is the referee so I’d listen for a quick bell. Rock might take that….something or other to Hollywood and Vince might not get to make a bombing movie out of it.

Ross goes OFF on Jerry about talking about Hollywood so much. Rock wraps Austin’s leg around the post again and throws on Austin’s vest. Oh my stars and garter belts. Austin fights back and it’s a double clothesline to put both of them down. Back up and they slug it out with the knee seemingly fine again. I guess that’s a Texan thing. Thesz Press and Austin hammers away.

FU Elbow gets two, probably because it’s just an elbow drop. Austin stomps a mudhole but Rock hits a clothesline and nips up. Austin gets a Rock Bottom out of nowhere to the Rock as he’s still in the vest. That gets two. Stunner is blocked but Rock gets the Stunner for two of his own. That should be a scoring system in the event of a tie.

Rock hammers away but the final punch misses and it’s a Stunner by Austin for a long two. Austin tosses the referee away to get to Rock but Rock gets a low blow and it’s time for the People’s Elbow. Austin moves out of the way but can’t get another Stunner. The second People’s Elbow (minus the jacket) gets two, likely because it’s just an elbow drop.

Both guys are spent and Rock is getting up first. The fans are all over the Rock here. Rock Bottom hits but only gets two and a big pop. Rock is stunned. See what I did there? Another Rock Bottom somehow gets two and Rock doesn’t know what to do. A third Rock Bottom FINALLY ends Austin and the Rock has finally gotten the win at Wrestlemania over Austin.

Rating: B+. This is a tricky one. It’s a far cry from their epic wars before and is a joke compared to their match two years ago, but this was a different kind of match. I shortchanged this before but this is a good match. Rock was the star here, which granted has to do with him being 30 and Austin being 39 here. They beat the heck out of each other and while Austin was a shell of his former self he was still good here. Good match and a good way to close out Austin’s career.

Austin gets the big sendoff as I think it was kind of understood that he was done at this point.

We recap Angle vs. Lesnar. Lesnar won the Rumble to get here and Kurt is champion. Kurt had thrown Team Angle at Lesnar a bunch and kept ticking Lesnar off, including switching places with his brother to get a pin on Brock in a title match. This is more or less a dream match and if anyone interferes, if Kurt gets counted out or disqualified, he loses the title.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

And here we are. FINALLY it’s the last match of the show but the fans are so drained they don’t even know what’s going on anymore. Kurt had reinjured his neck but instead of being out for a year and you know, really getting it fixed, he got a quick fix, resulting in him likely being on the verge of death every time he gets in the ring. There was a real chance this was his last match. Cole’s voice is almost completely gone here. Lesnar of course has a rib injury. My goodness when did he not have a rib injury?

Brock debuted the night after Mania the year before (which was in mid March but we’ll call it a year still) so this is an incredible rookie year for him. We get both of their resumes and they’re incredibly impressive to say the least. Tito Ortiz is in the front row. All of a sudden a lot of the ground and pound and submission stuff just got a lot funnier.

Shocking no one they go to the mat and technical stuff early. It’s so weird to see guys that are awesome at what they do with that stuff and have it look this good. Angle tries the headlock but Lesnar easily overpowers him. Kurt is moving very gingerly here. Brock fires off those shoulders in the corner and gets a powerslam for two.

Angle snaps off a suplex but Brock is right back up almost immediately. Out to the floor with Kurt trying to run. By the power of Akbar though, IT’S A TRAP and Kurt drills Brock as he comes in to take over. Brock is like screw that and gets a gorilla press to take over again. Angle Germans Brock into the buckle in an awesome spot. Brock gets pounded down on the floor for a bit.

Belly to back gets two in the ring. A vertical version of it gets two as well. Kurt grabs a modified STF that has Brock in agony. It shifts off into a chinlock as Angle loses the leg hold. Modified camel clutch now which furthers the pain in the ribs. Can’t say Kurt doesn’t have psychology going for him. Brock stands up and rams Kurt’s back into the corner to break the hold.

Belly to belly by Kurt reinjures Lesnar’s ribs as does a knee to the back. A second sends Brock to the floor. Back in Angle runs into a spinebuster Brock comes back and hammers away with the power but runs into an elbow. BIG belly to belly sends Angle flying as does a second one. Those get two and probably another neck surgery for Kurt.

Angle grabs Rolling Germans out of nowhere, each time landing on the back of his head and neck. This time it’s 4 suplexes though and both guys are spent. Neither finisher can hit with the F5 being countered into the ankle lock. That gets shifted to the half crab which is probably a stupid move by Kurt given the position he had Brock in. Cole’s voice is gone. Get that man some tea.

Kurt charges but gets backdropped to the floor to give Brock a chance to breathe. Brock takes over but Angle gets one HECK of a German suplex, flipping Lesnar onto his stomach in the air for two. There go the straps and the Angle Slam hits, naturally, for two. Cole says that’s the first time anyone has kicked out of it. Something tells me that’s nonsense.

Brock counters another Slam attempt into a small package that Taz calls a Spladle or something like that. Yeah it was a small package. F5 out of nowhere gets two as the crowd is finally into this. Ankle Lock goes on and gets the grapevine. Wow so someone actually did escape this. Ankle lock is avoided, as is the Slam. HUGE F5 puts Angle down, but Brock goes up instead.

We now get the sickest looking spot in a good many years at any show as Lesnar, weighing nearly 300lbs and being dead tired goes to the top rope. Now when I originally watched this, I had seen Lesnar down in OVW use a shooting star press and it was the best thing I’d ever seen in a wrestling ring, but there was no way I could ever believe he would throw one out at Wrestle-freaking-mania.

Of course he did though, but he shows why he shouldn’t, as he under-rotates and lands on his head. I don’t care who you are, that is sick looking. Luckily Angle is smart enough to cover him here to keep the match going. Right there, if Lesnar had gotten pinned I don’t think anyone would have been able to say a word to him.

They show the replay from another camera angle and you can hear Taz absolutely freak over it. That was indeed one of the sickest looking things I’ve ever seen. Lesnar hits another F5 and gets the win. Post match, Lesnar’s eyes show that he is absolutely gone. He has no clue where he is and it looks bad. Angle shakes his hand and fireworks play us out. Clearly not the planned finish but they did what they could and it made sense given the circumstances.

Rating: A-. These guys nearly killed each other, literally. One of those suplexes goes bad and Angle dies, Lesnar nearly killed himself on the ending. This was a great match though, but the ending just stops it in its tracks and it really hurts things. Had that landed, this is a definite A. It’s certainly worth watching though.

Brock is handed the title and is absolutely gone. I doubt he knew his name at this point.

Overall Rating: B. This went back and forth for me. It’s definitely good, but it’s far from great. It ended well with the face taking the gold like he should have, but the booking for this show was absolutely terrible. What this show desperately needed was a first half main event. Look at your final five matches: HBK/Jericho (best wrestling on the card by far), HHH vs. Booker T (Raw Title), Street Fight (the real main event), Austin/Rock (no explanation needed) and Lesnar/Angle (SD Title).

You can clearly see the problem. There’s no chance at all to catch your breath here and it’s very draining. A filler, like say Taker’s match in between there somewhere and another like the triple threat tag match, or even the Raw Tag Titles from Heat would have nearly saved this show. Maybe a segment or something like that also. Either way, the second half of this show is WAY too packed and it hurts things badly. The show is good, but I’d watch it out of order. Recommended, but not as great as it’s made out to be.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

No Mercy 2004
Date: October 3, 2004
Location: Continental Airlines Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s time for another Smackdown pay per view and again that means JBL is main eventing, this time against the Undertaker in a Last Ride match. I mean it worked so well the first time that someone felt the need to include a hearse. The other big match is Kurt Angle vs. the now bald Big Show in the most personal match of the show. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a rather subdued look at the show’s card. You would expect a match with the main event focused on putting someone in a hearse to be a little more over the top.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Luther Reigns

Reigns has Mark Jindrak with him and goes straight with the power (because he has so many other options) in the form of a hard clothesline and a somewhat harder shoulder. Eddie goes smart by sweeping the leg and hitting a running dropkick to the ribs, which looked a bit odd and I’ll blame that on Reigns. A gorilla press drops Eddie again and a whip into the corner sets up a bearhug. Headbutts break things up but Reigns is right back with a big boot (the left boot, which you don’t see that often) for two.

The double arm crank is broken up and it’s a backbreaker to keep the pressure on Eddie’s back. Eddie gets sent outside where Jindrak gets in some stomps as Eddie really seems like he’s wasting time until he beats Reigns whenever he wants. Another backbreaker keeps Eddie in trouble and a powerslam gets two. Eddie climbs the ropes to counter the Roll of the Dice into a reverse DDT to get a breather.

Some elbows in the corner have Reigns in trouble as the comeback is on. The first two Amigos connect but the third is countered with a gordbuster. With the referee apparently off buying popcorn, Eddie steals a baton from a cop at ringside and puts it in his boot. The chair gets brought into the ring and dropkicks it into Reigns’ face, which isn’t even admonished. The frog splash misses though, allowing the referee to get rid of the chair. Eddie blasts Reigns with the baton and now the frog splash is good for the pin.

Rating: D-. That’s the second straight match where Reigns has managed to drag Eddie down. Reigns just isn’t any good and is much better at looking intimidating than having an actual match. Like I said, this felt like Eddie was killing time until the match could end and that’s a really bad way to open the show. Just keep Reigns out of the ring because it’s not working.

We recap Dawn Marie and Jackie Gayda getting in a catfight on Smackdown.

Dawn says she can’t help it if Charlie Haas is obsessed with her. There’s a six person tag tonight but Dawn goes into Jackie’s locker room where she’s changing clothes. Dawn thinks Jackie is forcing Charlie into the marriage but they won’t last. This feud came out of nowhere but at least they’re not hiding the soap opera stuff.

Cruiserweight Title: Spike Dudley vs. Nunzio

Spike is defending after Nunzio pinned him in a non-title match on Smackdown. The Dudleys and Johnny Stamboli are here too. They fight over a lockup to start until Nunzio hiptosses him to the floor. Normally that would get a face pop from the crowd but….well would you cheer for the FBI? Back in and a rollup gives Nunzio two and it’s off to a wristlock. Bubba: “I THINK HE’S CHEATING!” If nothing else, Bubba is awesome at talking trash from ringside.

Spike gets sent outside again and a suicide dive knocks him down again. Back in and Nunzio takes him down with ease again but a Dudley distraction lets Spike get in a cheap shot. It’s off to a seated full nelson, which Nunzio spins into a rollup for two. Some of these counters are rather impressive and Nunzio is looking good, though it’s not like the fans are caring.

Bubba snaps Nunzio’s throat across the middle rope and it’s right back to the full nelson. This one doesn’t last long either and it’s Spike going up, only to get powerbombed right back down. A bridging belly to back suplex and a hard whip into the corner give Nunzio two each, followed by the Sicilian Slice for the same. They head outside with Spike taking a backdrop but D-Von grabs Nunzio’s leg. Johnny finally does something by making a save, allowing Bubba to crotch Nunzio against the post to retain the title.

Rating: C+. I don’t know if it was just how bad the first match was, but this was quite good stuff with Nunzio getting to show off his amateur skills. Spike as the team’s boss needed to end months ago as it’s really not working. I’m still not sure why Bubba and D-Von are listening to him but I don’t think WWE ever cared enough to figure that out.

We look at Undertaker’s first World Title win against Hulk Hogan back in 1991.

We recap Billy Kidman vs. Paul London. They won the Tag Team Titles but Kidman botched a shooting star press and injured Chavo Guerrero. He lost his confidence and walked away, costing them the titles and breaking up the team. Kidman stopped listening to London and snapped a bit, setting things up here.

Paul London vs. Billy Kidman

London isn’t waiting and dropkicks him through the ropes to start fast. A hard kick to the back keeps Kidman down and another one to the face gets two. The aggression continues with a dropkick to put Kidman on the floor and the middle rope moonsault makes it worse. Back in and a slingshot splash gets two as it’s all London so far. Kidman gets serious though and sends him ribs first into the post, setting up back to back rib stretches. A gutbuster gets two and it’s time to just punch the ribs. Sometimes the simplest method is best.

London finally gets in a right hand and some forearms in the corner but the ribs give out. The BK Bomb gives Kidman two and a good looking dropkick cuts London down again. Kidman heads up for the shooting star to a very positive reaction but can’t bring himself to do it. It’s not enough to make Kidman walk out but it’s enough for London to nail a superkick. London tries his own shooting star, which hits raised knees. Now Kidman is able to hit the real thing for the pin, with the knees going into London’s ribs in what might have been an intentional bonus.

Rating: B-. I’m liking this story more and more every week, though I’m not sure how much longer it’s going to go. There’s an interesting sickness to Kidman luring London in to hurt his ribs even more to teach him a lesson. The story is getting inside Kidman’s head, which is all the better when it came off a story that was dropped in their lap.

Post match London gets checked on and Kidman blames the fans for making him do it. With London strapped to a board, Kidman drops another shooting star in a great heel move.

Here’s how Undertaker won the World Title again, this time at Wrestlemania XIII.

JBL wants to know why this show is biased towards the Undertaker. It’s like this lying liberal media to be so biased against him. He won’t guarantee a win, but he says Undertaker is taking the title over his dead body.

Tag Team Titles: Rene Dupree/Kenzo Suzuki vs. Rob Van Dam/Rey Mysterio

Van Dam and Mysterio are challenging. Before we get going, Suzuki completely butchers Born in the USA. It’s still not working and I’m not sure why WWE doesn’t understand that. Dupree dances at Van Dam to start and it’s quickly off to a pinfall reversal sequence for two each. Neither of them can hit an elbow and we get the standoff. Rey comes in to try his own luck, including a kick to send both champs outside. That means the stereo running flip dives to the floor as the champs are rocked again.

Back in and Rob gets shoved off the top though to give Suzuki his first control. A slam sets up the neck crank from Dupree, followed by a Suzuki knee drop for two. Rob fights up and brings in Mysterio to pick up the pace, including knocking Dupree outside. Dupree comes back in to break up the 619, earning himself a kick to the face and Rolling Thunder. Now the 619 can hit Suzuki but Dupree won’t let him Drop the Dime. That’s enough for Suzuki to roll Mysterio up, with a grab of the rope, for the retaining pin.

Rating: C-. Not the greatest match in the world but given who the champs were here, it wasn’t that bad. Mysterio and Van Dam are fine for a one off set of challengers and I could see the titles changing hands. It’s an above average TV match and that’s good enough to get by on a show like this.

We recap Big Show vs. Kurt Angle. Show returned and signed to face Angle, whose leg he had broken earlier in the year. Angle hadn’t forgotten it and shot Show with a tranquilizer dart before shaving him bald. Show is furious and out for revenge.

Big Show vs. Kurt Angle

No one is allowed at ringside. Show takes him straight into the corner and rubs some sweat onto Angle’s face before shoving him around. Back in and Angle’s various locks earn him some hip attacks in the corner and a toss across the ring. There’s a gorilla press slam and Angle heads outside again for a breather. Actually it’s enough for Kurt as he takes the countout loss. Cue Theodore Long to say not so fast because if Angle leaves, he’s done on Smackdown.

Angle has until ten to get inside and, despite tripping over the steps, makes it back in to keep going. Another toss has Angle in more trouble and another whip sends him over the post as it’s still all Show. Angle grabs a chair and gets it punched into his own head, followed by a bunch of chops in the corner.

The chokeslam is actually countered into an ankle lock, complete with the grapevine. It’s switched back to the regular version, allowing Show to kick Angle off, straight into the referee. That means some chair shots to the knee and a shift into the Ric Flair’s leg attack playbook. Some cranks on the leg keep Show in trouble and an Angle Slam (nice one too) gets two.

Rating: D+. I’ll give them points for giving Show the pin like this as that’s how you make him a star all over again. There’s little value in bringing him back and having him lose so ti’s the right call with the huge finisher to get a pin on one of the top stars of the show. Show won’t be at this level for long, so get what you can out of it while you can.

Post match, Jindrak and Reigns help Angle to the back.

We recap John Cena vs. Booker T. Cena was US Champion back in the summer but had it taken away by corrupt GM Kurt Angle. Theodore Long took over and made Booker defend the title in a Best of 5 series, with the first four matches being split two apiece. Tonight is the big finale.

US Title: Booker T. vs. John Cena

Booker is defending in the fifth match of the Best of 5 series and since it’s whoever wins the match wins the title, Cena can win the title via countout or DQ. Cena starts fast with a shoulder but gets slowed down via a front facelock. There won’t be any of this going slowly thing as Cena clotheslines him over the top with a hard shot. Back in and Booker elbows him in the face, followed by a second trip to the floor. Since they’ve already traded trips to the floor, they trade whips into the steps as well, just to keep things even.

They get back inside with Booker nailing a superkick for two, setting up the chinlock that you knew was coming at some point. A suplex gives Booker two more and it’s the chinlock sequel. This one is broken up with a fisherman’s suplex but Booker is right back with a high flapjack. The side kick misses though and Booker crotches himself on the ropes. Cena’s comeback is on with the Shuffle getting two. He takes too long pumping up the shoes though and walks into the Book End for a rather near fall. Booker goes for and then drops a chair so Cena hits an FU for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. Well ok then. This certainly was a match between the two of them but it was far from anything impressive. Cena kicking out of the Book End wasn’t much of a false finish and then he just hit the FU to win the title back with little fanfare. The entire series was little more than a way to fill time before Cena got the big win. That’s fine enough, but this wasn’t anything worth your time, much like the rest of the series.

Remember when Undertaker won the World Title at Unforgiven 1999?

Dudley Boyz/Dawn Marie vs. Charlie Haas/Rico/Jackie Gayda

D-Von and Charlie start, though not before Bubba does his fake start. A backdrop has Charlie in early trouble so Dawn tags herself in to lower her shorts and show off the thong. Jackie comes in instead and rips off Dawn’s top as Cole and Tazz make stiff jokes. Bubba grabs Jackie’s hair from the apron and comes in as Rico and Charlie are fine with just sticking their hands out from the apron.

Ever the genius, Bubba closes his eyes for a kiss, allowing Jackie to tag in Rico, who gives Bubba that kiss. The expected reaction is of course hilarious and Bubba is nearly vomiting. D-Von comes in and gets kicked in the face a few times so Bubba makes the save with a good crotching. It’s back to Bubba for some choking as Tazz accuses Cole of being a metrosexual freak. Bubba tells Rico what to kiss but spends too much time yelling (Bubba? Talking too much?) and gets DDT’d.

The double tag brings in Charlie to face D-Von as Cole gets on Tazz for spending too much time talking about Dawn’s underwear. Are they trying to replicate JR and Lawler? Like Cole would ever work on Raw. Rico comes in off a blind tag with a high crossbody but we get to the catfight that everyone was waiting for. D-Von can’t bring himself to What’s Up Rico so Charlie breaks it up instead. Jackie spears Dawn for another catfight and Rico moonsault D-Von for the pin.

Rating: C. I laughed a few times and that’s all this was supposed to be. Rico and Haas work well together in the oddball tag team and the soap opera stuff is working well enough. As long as they don’t hide what they’re going for and pretend that it’s anything other than a corny story, they’re going to be fine as it’s what these women are best at.

Undertaker, fourth title win, Judgment Day 2002.

We recap JBL vs. the Undertaker. They fought at Summerslam with Undertaker chokeslamming him through the limousine so tonight it’s a Last Ride match, meaning a casket match but with an ambulance instead. JBL has sent various minions after Undertaker with the same success that minions ever have against him.

Smackdown World Title: Undertaker vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Undertaker is challenging and after his two hour and fourteen minute entrance, we’re ready to go. The stomping in the corner starts fast and Old School keeps the champ in trouble. Bradshaw fights back but gets chokeslammed in short order. Some apron elbows set up the apron legdrop and a whip into the steps makes things even worse. JBL gets smart and uses the steps to hit Undertaker in the head for his first offense, even though it was more defense than anything else.

A big boot and step shot to the head have Undertaker down against the barricade in the aisle as this is starting to drag. It’s not so much what they’re doing now, but more that you know they’re going to go back to the ring for a long time before the match is over. JBL can’t get the hearse open so Undertaker gets in a shot and they stumble back to the ring. A top rope shoulder (not bad) puts Undertaker down again but he pulls JBL into the triangle choke so they can lay down for a bit.

JBL saves himself from going through the announcers’ table and they fight into the crowd. Undertaker gets the better of it (well duh) and they come back to ringside for a Tombstone on the steps. The champ comes up bleeding but is fine enough to chair Undertaker in the head. A monitor to the head wakes Undertaker up enough to chokeslam JBL through the table.

They go up the aisle, the hearse is opened, and Heidenreich jumping out to take care of Undertaker. We go way old school with Heidenreich busting out some ether to knock Undertaker out and throw him in the hearse to retain JBL’s title. Actually hang on as just closing the door doesn’t count as Undertaker pops out and beats up Heidenreich but gets taken down by the Clothesline From JBL. Now JBL and Heidenreich can throw him in for the real win.

Rating: D. The violence was entertaining, though the problem here was the same thing that happens in every JBL match: it’s not about what you’re seeing but rather how can they have JBL escape with the title again. That makes for a long twenty minutes and now we’re moving towards Undertaker vs. Heidenreich while we find a new challenger to put over JBL as we start the whole thing all over again. What’s surprising here is that JBL is actually finding him rhythm as a heel and has been pretty good. Just find a way to make the matches better.

Post match JBL brags about being immortal and we cut to the back where Heidenreich, at Paul Heyman’s direction, drives a truck into the side of the hearse to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Bad opener and way too long main event aside, this was a watchable enough show that didn’t have me losing my mind at any given point. That’s a good place to be in for a Smackdown pay per view, though there are some issues that need to be fixed. The lower card is the best part of the show at the moment and I’ll take good stuff where I can get it. I even liked parts of this one, which is actually surprising this far into the JBL title reign. Fix the problems around there and they’ll have something.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: September 16, 2004
Location: Spokane Arena, Spokane, Washington
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re coming up on No Mercy and a lot of the card is either already set or pretty clear. Last week saw the return of the Big Show, who you know is going to be treated as a major star. To be fair, when he’s motivated and ready to go, he’s not half bad. The problem is when he’s more than half bad, which happens far too often. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Big Show returning and beating up the lumberjacks last week. That was a good way to showcase his dominance.

Opening sequence.

Torrie Wilson comes out to ring announce for the sake of eye candy.

Booker T. vs. John Cena

Match #4 in the Best of Five series with Booker up 2-1. Booker starts fast with an early rollup for two, followed by a backslide for the same. Cena’s sunset flip and small package get the same, plus a VERY enthusiastic reaction from a fan in the front row. That’s enough to send Booker outside for a breather as we take a break. Back with Booker kicking him in the face for two and grabbing one of the most quickly broken chinlocks I’ve ever seen. Booker is right back with a hard superkick for two and a longer chinlock.

A rollup with feet on the ropes gives Booker two but Cena’s flapjack is enough to actually start the comeback. The big shoulder misses though and Booker nails a spinebuster for two more. An attempt to bring in the belt gets Booker rolled up for two more and the Shuffle is good for the same. The referee gets shoved though and Booker nails him with the belt, as somehow the referee is fine with Cena going from normal to out in half a second. That’s only good for two as well, followed by a quick FU to tie up the series.

Rating: C+. They still have good chemistry together sot he match was easy to watch, though it’s not exactly something that is worth seeing. Cena is getting better and better every day at this point and you can feel his time starting to come. Booker is still a big enough deal to be a threat to him, but I don’t think there’s any hiding the fact that it’s Cena’s title to win soon.

Theodore Long praises Big Show for his return and offers Show a match with either Kurt Angle or Eddie Guerrero at No Mercy. Just please not a triple threat.

Next week: a night of stars as it’s the fifth anniversary of Smackdown! Hulk Hogan! Mick Foley! Stephanie McMahon! Yes Stephanie is listed third here! Vince McMahon! Steve Austin!

Michael Cole brings out Billy Kidman for a chat. Cole talks about Kidman losing his confidence over the botched shooting star press and costing himself and Paul London the Tag Team Titles last week (actually a pretty unique story). Kidman doesn’t like being called a quitter because he walked out on last week’s match to prevent another injury. He’s really just misunderstood because all he wants to do is keep people save. A few weeks ago his knee drove Chavo’s head into the mat and now these bloodthirsty fans want to see him do it again?

This brings out Paul London to say he doesn’t believe Kidman is misunderstood. Kidman walked out on him and cost them the titles because Kidman quit. London hands him the mic but Kidman has nothing to say, earning himself a slap in the face. Kidman walks away without saying anything. I’m liking this story.

Smackdown Flashback Moment: TLC III.

Rob Van Dam/Rey Mysterio vs. Dudley Boyz

D-Von punches Rob into the corner to start but gets kicked in the face for his efforts. It’s off to Mysterio for two off a Lionsault press to D-Von. Bubba comes in and gets punched as well, only to have Spike trip Rey up like a good villainous boss who happens to look 13 years old tends to do.

One heck of a release wheel barrow suplex gives Bubba two so he promises to do it again. Since he’s kind of loud, Rey knows what’s coming and reverses into his layout bulldog instead. That’s enough for the hot tag to Rob, who gets to kick D-Von in the face again. Near heel miscommunication ensues again, allowing Rey to dive onto Bubba. The Five Star finishes D-Von, despite a big bounce that delays the cover.

Rating: C-. I feel like we’ve seen this match a dozen times in recent months. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad one, but it’s something that has been done so many times before that it doesn’t have much of an impact. Spike as the Dudleys’ boss isn’t exactly getting them somewhere, though I can get the idea of trying to freshen the team up a little bit.

Post match Spike yells at both Dudleys, including a low blow to D-Von. Dang D-Von has taken quite the beating tonight.

Cole talks about last week’s situation with Paul Heyman and Heidenreich, so Tazz shows us a clip. Cole won’t apologize.

Eddie comes in to see Big Show and praises him for how awesome last week’s return was. It made him think of the Running of the Bulls, because there was one bull who stood 7’ and weighed 500lbs. Eddie: “That’s a lot of bull.” Show has two contracts, but Eddie wants the fight at No Mercy.

Orlando Jordan and JBL arrive with the champ saying he has to prove he’s not afraid of the Undertaker. That means calling him out again tonight.

Here’s JBL in the arena and I guess tonight meant next. He does not flip flop like so many political figures of today, so Undertaker can get out here RIGHT NOW. Undertaker comes out (thankfully the full sized version this time) and JBL actually sends Jordan to the back to do this one on one. The hat and tie come off and the fight begins, with Undertaker kicking him in the head.

The threat of a chokeslam sends JBL bailing but here are Gangrel and Viscera of all people to jump Undertaker. Viscera hits a chokebomb, which Cole calls a “variation of a double chokeslam into a sitout powerbomb.” Since that’s exactly what the move is, what is it a variation of? The beatdown cuts off Undertaker’s comeback and a pair of splashes keep him laying. JBL poses on Undertaker because he never learns.

Sign up for Tough Enough!

Kenzo Suzuki/Rene Dupree vs. FBI

Non-title and now I’m supposed to cheer for the FBI? Tazz can’t understand why the Japanese Hiroko is walking around the French poodle. Earlier today, Nunzio and Stamboli agreed to stick with the game plan for the match. Dupree shoulders Stamboli to start with little effect. Some power puts Dupree in trouble so it’s off to Nunzio, who gets low bridged to the floor.

As the match goes on, here’s Heidenreich to kidnap Cole from the announcers’ table. With the two of them gone, Dupree hits the French Tickler….and now Tazz goes off to find Cole and Heidenreich. The hot tag brings in Stamboli to take over but Kenzo shoves Nunzio off the top. Dupree’s Michinoku Driver is enough to pin Stamboli. Too much of the match was spent on the announcers’ stuff, but that was more interesting than anything going on in the ring.

Raw Rebound.

And now, the scene where Heidenreich is implied to be raping Michael Cole. We go to the back where Cole is standing face first against a wall with Heidenreich behind him. The look on Cole’s face tells you just about all you need to know here and Heidenreich….uh….I guess the term would be thrusting, which shakes Cole at the same time, pretty much confirms it. Heidenreich says he’s been studying Cole and they “have the same desires.” Heidenreich: “I’m going to give you what you want.”

Heidenreich locks the door, making Cole look even more afraid. He keeps his face next to Cole’s ear and breathes, as this is one of those things where you can’t realistically say it’s anything else. I absolutely do not remember it being this blunt but my goodness man. That’s rather disturbing to see and it’s hard to believe this ever made air.

Luther Reigns comes in to see Big Show. He knows it’s a tough decision, but Show should pick Eddie. See, the WWE needs Angle around and Show already put him on the shelf for several months. The three of them are different and outcasts, because Eddie doesn’t care about Show. Reigns and Angle do though, and Show needs to think about that. They’re really making this out to be a big deal when Show might as well flip a coin.

Match #5 between Cena and Booker will take place at No Mercy. We still have no commentary to talk about this.

Heidenreich now has Cole by the throat and says he’s going to give Cole something he’s wanted to share with him since the moment he saw Cole for the first time. It’s a poem, which talks about how Heidenreich is a tortured soul and his heart was broken years ago. Cole goes to leave and gets out, only after Heidenreich commands and receives a thank you. Thus ends one of the most disturbing segments in Smackdown history.

Charlie Haas vs. Spike Dudley

Non-title and here’s Tazz again to do solo commentary and Bubba and D-Von are in Spike’s corner. Charlie takes him down with an amateur hold to start, followed by a rather fast armdrag. The fans are too busy whistling at Miss Jackie (fair enough), who gets surrounded by Bubba and D-Von. It’s enough of a distraction for Bubba to snap the arm over the middle rope and Spike goes after the arm. That means the Bob Backlund lifting slam counter, followed by a top rope spinning crossbody counter. The Dudley Dog is broken up but D-Von comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D. This was little more than a way for Tazz to come back out and fill in some time in the ring. Haas and Jackie are fine enough as an act, but it’s almost impossible to have Haas, who isn’t the most interesting guy in the world, get attention when Jackie looks like she does. It’s not like the ending here was really in that much doubt, as it was going to be this or Bubba and D-Von cheating to give Spike the pin.

Post match the double beatdown is on until Rico returns for the save.

Carlito walks in front of moving cars to talk about how cool he is.

Next week: Undertaker vs. Mideon and Viscera. So Long can order non-contracted wrestlers into matches?

Speaking of Long, here he is for the contract signing. Before anyone else comes out, we get a quick poll on who the fans want to see face Big Show. Eddie seems to be the favorite, but here’s Big Show to make his decision. Angle, Reigns and Guerrero all join him though as this is getting a ridiculous amount of time. Before Show can make his choice, Angle says he doesn’t hold a grudge over his broken leg. He’s a businessman, and it would be bad business for Show to pick him. Show’s first pay per view match back should be against someone who doesn’t like him.

The right business move is to destroy Eddie, proving that Show will fight for the people. Eddie promises Show a fight that he’ll remember for the rest of his life. Long presents him with both contracts, with Tazz getting in a very nice point of clarity by saying which is which. The fans want a triple threat but Show isn’t sure what to do. He signs the Eddie contract but Angle jumps Guerrero.

Show laughs for a bit before breaking the Eddie contract over his knee and signing to face Angle. As usual: I don’t think WWE has any idea how contracts work. Reigns kicks Show in the face but Eddie gets back up and helps clear the ring. Long makes a tag match for next week’s main event to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. What in the world am I supposed to say about this one? The wrestling was more miss than hit, the show ended on a nearly fifteen minute Big Show segment, there was no commentary for a lot of the show, and….I know I’m forgetting something here. Something disturbing that has been brought up for nearly fifteen years since it actually took place and is the main thing that anyone remembers about a wrestler. Eh must have already been blocked from my mind for reasons of general disturbances. Nothing good to see here, though it wasn’t lacking energy for most of the night.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: September 2, 2004
Location: ARCO Arena, Sacramento, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This feels like the big non-PPV month edition of the show with a huge main event in the form of Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle in a 2/3 falls match, which should blow off their feud once and for all. Other than that we have more between JBL and Undertaker, which is likely going to give us a title rematch at whatever the next pay per view is going to be. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening video focuses on Angle vs. Guerrero, as it certainly should. It really has been a great rivalry.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Booker T. for a chat. Booker is sick of everyone going around chanting CENA no matter where he is. Last week he tied to score in the series and we get a clip of the second match. That wasn’t it though, as Booker won the third match over the weekend, only needing a pull of the jean shorts to take the lead. Booker rhymes a bit but here’s Rey Mysterio to cut him off, giving us a great bugged out eye look.

Rey thinks Booker must be sick of the John Cena chants and might prefer the 619 version. A fight is teased but here’s Kenzo Suzuki to interrupt. Kenzo says 619 is an American area code and since Rey isn’t from America, he is a liar, liar, pants on fire. That’s not cool with Suzuki, who is a real American with a smile like Tom Cruise. Rob Van Dam comes in and jumps Suzuki, only to have Rene Dupree jump him to keep things even. Theodore Long comes out to make a six man tag for right now.

Booker T./Kenzo Suzuki/Rene Dupree vs. Rey Mysterio/Rob Van Dam/John Cena

Booker is in street clothes. We’re joined in progress with Cena planting Suzuki but a Booker distraction breaks up the Shuffle. It’s enough to allow Booker to come in and hammer away before handing it off to Dupree. That’s fine with Cena who ax handles him down and brings in the fresh Van Dam. Dupree gets kicked down and it’s time for an early standoff.

Booker comes back in for some more success but, possibly not being so comfortable wrestling in business casual, hands it back to Dupree for a chinlock. The hold lasts as long as you would expect as it’s off to Rey for the springboard spinning crossbody. Rey breaks up the French Tickler and Van Dam comes back in as everything breaks down. A 619 into Dropping the Dime finishes Dupree.

Rating: C-. Kind of a bland match but it was a better idea than the same singles matches that we’re going to see time after time. The problem here though is the villains, as neither Dupree or Suzuki are even remotely intimidating or imposing. Neither is a threat to Mysterio or Van Dam, meaning these matches aren’t the most enthralling.

We see the ending of Angle vs. Guerrero at Wrestlemania.

Long comes up to Paul Heyman in the back and wants to see Heidenreich. That’s not possible as Heidenreich is behind a locked door due to public safety. Long can dig that, but Heyman is personally responsible for Heidenreich’s actions. After attacking Josh Matthews last week, Heidenreich is being fined $5000, which is Heyman’s responsibility. Oh and no checks, as Heyman isn’t the most reliable when it comes to money. Heyman: “Holla holla holla to you too Mr. Long.”

We look back at Billy Kidman hitting the shooting star press on Chavo Guerrero last week with his knee hitting Chavo’s head. In unseen footage from last week, we see Chavo being tended to by medics. He was unconscious for five minutes and very hazy for twenty more.

Jamie Noble comes up to Kidman in the back, saying Kidman should be gone after what happened last week. Kidman thinks Jamie sounds afraid and doesn’t exactly seem apologetic.

Carlito Caribbean Cool is coming and you better be cool.

Billy Kidman/Paul London vs. FBI

Non-title and it’s Nunzio and Johnny Stamboli for the Italians. During their entrances, the FBI talks about how they’re a bit weary of the shooting star as well. Nunzio’s advice: don’t play dead or you’ll be dead. London wastes no time in kicking Nunzio out to the floor but everything breaks down in a hurry. We settle down to Johnny backdropping London with ease as Tazz explains why Johnny is called the Bull. Something about him being strong.

Rating: D+. I can certainly appreciate turning something that happened organically into a storyline, but this is the second time the champs have lost a non-title match to a very low level team. The division is hardly deep in the first place and having your champions, who work well together, lose to teams like this is a bad idea, especially so frequently.

Post match Kidman isn’t sure what to do but here’s Heidenreich to beat up both champs. Just in case they had something left in the tank. The beatdown goes on for a long time with Heyman having to come in and calm things down.

Long sends a referee to get Heidenreich because the fines are increasing. Torrie Wilson comes in to say she’s nervous about Big Show coming back. Does anyone remember that story? Long says this is a different Big Show, because he’s attended anger management. As you might guess, Torrie isn’t convinced.

Orlando Jordan vs. Charlie Haas

JBL, now without the halo, because you heal faster after having one of those ripped off before you get beaten up, is out for commentary. Haas takes him down without much effort but the referee rather annoyingly walks between them, allowing Jordan to spear him down. Jordan unhooks a turnbuckle pad before going with a kick to Haas’ ribs. Haas ducks a high crossbody and gets caught in a high collar suplex for two. Jordan gets desperate and goes for the turnbuckle, sending Haas into the exposed steal. A neckbreaker (kind of a reverse Twist of Fate) finishes Haas.

Rating: D. You have to establish Jordan as the lackey but that wasn’t exactly the most thrilling way to do it. Then again, nothing about Jordan has ever been described as thrilling and that was on full display here. At some point, the lack of talent is going to catch up with you and that’s the case with Jordan. He’s just not very good and there’s no way around it.

Post match Jordan distracts the referee so JBL can hit the Clothesline.

Ivory, Linda McMahon and Big Show are at the Republican National Convention. Show could not look less interested if he tried in the most entertaining part of the night.

Dudley Boyz vs. Hardcore Holly/Billy Gunn

Spike is here with Bubba and D-Von and slaps Holly before the bell. It doesn’t seem to matter as Gunn shoulders D-Von down to take over early on. Bubba offers a trip though and D-Von nails a quick clothesline. Some elbow drops get two but Gunn gets in an elbow of his own, allowing the hot tag to Holly.

The crowd reaction is about what you would expect but Holly plows ahead anyway. Everything breaks down and Spike pulls D-Von out of the way of a charge. Bubba charges into an elbow in the corner and gets caught with a top rope bulldog, only to have Spike come in with a title shot to the head, giving Bubba the easy pin.

Rating: D. And that’s Gunn’s last match in WWE for over eight years. I know he got a very nice midcard push at one point, but how far can you go with a name and theme song of Mr. A**? The answer would be a lot higher than expected, but there’s only so much you can do with what he had. He certainly had a great career, especially in tag team wrestling, and the Hall of Fame induction is coming one day. I was never much of a fan though and watching him back after the Attitude Era hasn’t been a lot of fun. Gunn did well for himself, but he must have a headache from hitting that ceiling so hard.

Clip of the end of Guerrero vs. Angle from Summerslam.

Carlito is still coming. Nothing has changed in the last thirty five minutes. At least it’s a different vignette, but it doesn’t hide the fact that he’s a weaker version of Razor Ramon.

Raw Rebound.

Smackdown Throwback: Big Show and Brock Lesnar break the ring. I know it’s been done again since but that’s still an incredible sight.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

2/3 falls. They go with the amateur grappling to start with Angle naturally getting the better of things. Eddie spins out of a front facelock and we get the first of what will likely be multiple standoffs. Angle goes with an armbar so Eddie picks the ankle for the break. The technical stuff continues with Angle grabbing a headlock, plus a handful of hair for a bonus. Back up and Eddie grabs a headlock but this time grabs the singlet to match the cheating move for move.

Angle isn’t happy so Eddie grabs it again to start setting in the frustration. He is however smart enough to take the singlet down, causing Cole to dub this a chess match. Tazz: “You take your clothes off when you play chess?” Angle gets his singlet pulled down and it’s time to take a breather as Eddie lays across the top rope. Back in and Eddie dances a bit before grabbing a waistlock, only to have Angle get in a clandestine low blow to take over. Eddie kicks him low right back, earning himself a DQ for the first fall.

We take a break and come back with Angle getting two off a suplex. Angle slaps on the waistlock until Eddie suplexes his way to freedom. You don’t suplex with Angle though as a belly to belly takes Eddie right back down for two. The chinlock goes on (with Angle ripping at the face like a villain should) for a bit before Angle rolls the German suplexes. The Angle Slam is loaded up but Eddie reverses into a rollup to tie things up in a hurry.

We take another break and come back with Eddie caught in another waistlock. Eddie snaps up and hits a hurricanrana but can’t follow up. Angle’s right hand just fires Eddie up and the comeback is on. The first Amigo is countered into a German suplex but the Angle Slam is countered into a DDT. Eddie goes up for the frog splash and of course it’s Angle running the corner for the belly to belly superplex.

Yet another German suplex is countered into a roll into the buckle, allowing Eddie to hit Three Amigos this time around. Cue Luther Reigns to distract Eddie from the frog splash though, allowing Angle to roll out of the way. Another Angle Slam sets up the ankle lock (first time in the match), which Eddie rolls through into a ref bump. Instead of doing the smart thing though, Eddie dives onto Reigns and grabs a chair.

Some weak shots abound, setting up Eddie laying down and throwing the chair to Angle. Naturally the referee sees it and yells as Eddie lays on his side and waves before dropping back down. That’s such an easy joke but Eddie makes it work. The referee keeps yelling so Reigns chairs Eddie in the knee, setting up the ankle lock for the tap.

Rating: B. It’s good and something close to a greatest hits collection, but it really didn’t hit the top gear that you might have expected. The match wasn’t quite a classic but what we got was very good. It looked rather crisp and it was so nice to have Angle hold out on the ankle lock until the end. Thirty minutes at this level is nothing to sneeze at and Eddie even has a door open for one more match if necessary. It’s a fitting end to the feud as they called back to previous matches and had a good match of their own right here.

Post match Reigns lays Eddie out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The main event is certainly good, but the rest of the show was a great example of how boring things can be around here right now. The tag division in particular looked awful and there isn’t much aside from Eddie vs. Angle and Booker vs. Cena, which isn’t enough to carry the show week to week. It’s enough this week, but I don’t think they can count on thirty minutes from Angle and Eddie every single time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: August 26, 2004
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’ll wrap up the Smackdown half of the month here and that’s not the worst thing in the world. The big match this week will see john Cena face Booker T. in the second match in the best of five series for the US Title. Other than that we have the very injured JBL running from the Undertaker and Eddie Guerrero wanting one more match with Kurt Angle. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Rey Mysterio saving Eddie Guerrero from Kurt Angle and Luther Reigns, setting up last week’s tag match main event. Angle pouring paint on the low rider to end the show was a great touch.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Eddie to get things going. Last week, Angle defaced his personal property so this week, Eddie is going to deface him. That means Eddie wants a fight but he gets Luther Reigns instead. Reigns has seen a lot of fights in his day from prisons to bars, and he knows that Angle would annihilate him. Eddie is ready to fight anyway but Angle pops up on screen to say come to the parking lot.

The chase is on and Angle hides behind what he says is his car. Eddie pours trash on it and smashes the windows with a pipe but Reigns runs in from behind and beats him down. They get in another car and speed away, leaving Eddie to beat up the car a little more. Theodore Long comes up and says it’s his car. Eddie’s look makes up for any problems this might have had. Security takes Eddie away as Long cries over the car. Alas, no Final Fight reenactment.

Kenzo Suzuki vs. Rob Van Dam

Fallout from last week when Kenzo beat Van Dam down after a match. Before the match, Kenzo brags about Japanese cars before saying he loves America. Van Dam kicks him off the throne and starts beating up the people who carried it in. American jerk. Back in and Kenzo shoulders him down at the opening bell to take over.

The abdominal stretch goes on for a bit until Rob slips out and fires off some kicks. The top rope kick to the face gives Rob two and the split legged moonsault is good for the same as Rob finally changes up the offense a bit. It’s time for the Five Star but Rob has to dive onto an invading Rene Dupree. Not that it matters as a small package finishes Suzuki.

Rating: D. What were you expecting here? It’s very clear that Suzuki is already a lost cause and while Rene is better, he’s not exactly an upgrade as a partner. Van Dam hasn’t had trouble beating either of these goons and whoever he finds as a partner shouldn’t have any issue either.

Post match Dupree and Suzuki beat Rob down and show each other respect. Yeah it’s still not interesting.

Long is still crying over his car and talking about how it was a classic and all he had. JBL and Orlando Jordan come up and yell about Long ignoring them all week. They want something done about Undertaker because this is an unsafe working environment. Long makes a title match for tonight against Undertaker but since JBL can’t wrestle, Jordan can defend it for him. So now his future depends on Orlando Jordan. Just give up now man.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Billy Kidman

Jamie Noble and Paul London are at ringside. Kidman isn’t having this feeling out process and snaps off an early hurricanrana. Chavo gets in a few shots of his own to take over and it’s an armbar to keep him in trouble. That goes nowhere so Kidman fights up with a backdrop and a clothesline. The BK Bomb doesn’t work due to the bad arm so Kidman kicks him in the head instead. Noble breaks up the shooting star so London takes him out and kicks Chavo in the head. That’s enough for Kidman to hit the shooting star for the pin.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have time to get very far but the Tag Team Title match should be fun. The problem is the champs aren’t exactly lighting the world on fire and no one buys the challengers as a serious threat. There’s no division at the moment and that’s not likely to get better anytime soon.

Carlito Caribbean Cool vignette, this time showing him for the first time. The apple spit and catchphrase make their debuts as well.

Long is STILL devastated over his car when Angle and Reigns return. Angle doesn’t care about the car and gets a 2/3 falls match with Eddie next week. As for tonight, he can face Rey Mysterio. Dang Long is on fire and he makes Luther sweep up the mess as a bonus.

John Cena vs. Booker T.

Match #2 in the best of 5 series with Cena up 1-0. Booker starts fast by forearming him down and a suplex gets two. Cena is right back with an elbow of his own but Booker hits a superkick. The chinlock goes on early until Booker knees him in the back, followed by a missile dropkick for two. Another kick to the face gets another two and it’s already off to the second chinlock.

Booker switches it up to a double arm crank before getting two more off a spinebuster. This has been almost all Booker and the comeback can come anytime now. We hit another chinlock for another little while until Cena pops back to live with shoulders. The Shuffle connects for two but Booker sends him face first into the buckle. That and a backslide with feet on the ropes ties the series up.

Rating: D+. If there was a rating between D and D+, I’d go with that for this one. It was a lot of laying around in chinlocks and while it wasn’t the worst, it wasn’t thrilling. To be fair though, it’s the second of what is likely to be five matches so you can only get so annoyed at what they’re doing. Not the worst, but it felt like they were holding back/saving stuff for later. Understandable, but not really thrilling.

Match #3 will be taking place in Australia over the weekend at a house show. Good idea actually.

Paul Heyman is in the ring and introduces the new reason for his supreme confidence: Heidenreich. They get right to the point with Heidenreich saying he’s more than just hype and beating the heck out of Josh Matthews, including a shoulder breaker and a cobra clutch. Anything that involves Josh being hurt is a good thing for me.

Big Show is coming back.

Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio

It’s worked before so this should be fine. Angle takes him down without much effort to start, which tends to be the case. Rey is back up with an armdrag and it’s time to mock Angle’s pose. You know that makes it serious but Angle charges into another headlock and the early frustration is setting in. Rey headscissors him outside for a baseball slide and we take a break. Back with Rey caught in a chinlock, as tends to be the case when you come back from a break around here. At least Angle has a knee in the back to keep things fresh.

An overhead belly to belly makes things even worse and it’s off to a bearhug, with Angle dropping to a knee to deal with the height. A release German suplex gives Angle two more so Rey pops back up with a dropkick. The 619 connects but the West Coast Pop is countered into a powerbomb for two. The Angle Slam is countered into an inverted DDT for a heck of a near fall so Rey tries a victory roll. Angle has been studying his Owen Hart though as he sits down on it for the pin.

Rating: B. Well of course these two had a good match. They’ve always had solid chemistry together and this was no exception. Angle winning clean over a guy who wrestles a similar style as Eddie Guerrero is a good way to set up next week’s 2/3 falls. It’s also not like a loss to Angle hurts Mysterio very much, especially when Mysterio isn’t doing anything at the moment anyway.

Smackdown flashback: Arnold Schwarzenegger beats up HHH.

Raw Rebound.

JBL gives Jordan a pep talk and isn’t exactly thrilled with the prospects. Jordan wants to wear the title and that’s shot down as fast as you might guess.

Smackdown World Title: Orlando Jordan vs. Undertaker

Jordan is defending in JBL’s place. He also gets to hold the title in what feels like fan fiction gone mad. Undertaker’s entrance gives us a hilarious visual of JBL, with the cowboy hat on top of the halo, turning to look and looking into the camera in the process with his eyes bugging out. Jordan tries slugging away and gets his head kicked off for two. Old School connects in a hurry and the jumping clothesline gets two. A JBL distraction lets Jordan get in his first major offense, because it’s not like he can do it himself.

Back in and some right hands stagger Jordan but Undertaker goes after JBL again. The results are the same this time around and Jordan gets two off a Downward Spiral. That just makes Undertaker sit up though and it’s time for the proper beating to begin. A right hand knocks JBL off the apron and there’s the Tombstone, but JBL pulls the referee out for the DQ.

Rating: D+. All things considered, this wasn’t the worst thing in the world. I don’t think anyone was expecting anything other than JBL interfering for the DQ and it’s not a bad thing to go with the obvious. Jordan still isn’t anything more than a warm body who isn’t any good in the ring, but he serves a purpose here. Not a terrible match, but an exercise in killing time.

Post match Undertaker beats up JBL, ripping the braces off and hitting a chokeslam. Undertaker poses with the title to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. It’s hard to put into words, but there’s something about Smackdown that feels so much more together than Raw. Over on Raw you get the big angles and stories and promos, but Smackdown tends to be more low key, allowing them to show things off a little bit better and let them develop. It might never get as big around here, but it also never feels as bogged down when a story is bad. You can go either way with that, but both are rather entertaining.

This was a great example of that kind of Smackdown and I had a good time with it, though it wasn’t the most interesting thing in the world. They’re building things up for the next few weeks and those stories sound interesting. If we can get some great action out of these stories (Eddie vs. Kurt seems like), it’s going to be easy to see Smackdown pulling ahead, though both shows are getting a little better.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: August 12, 2004
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Summerslam and things are mostly set for the pay per view. The big story (if you can call it that) coming out of last week’s show is Orlando Jordan joining forces with JBL, meaning it’s probably time for Jordan to die at Undertaker’s hands. Other than that we’ll be in for some last minute pushes towards the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here are JBL and Orlando Jordan to open things up. After a quick look at the mini Undertaker and Jordan saving JBL last week, JBL paraphrases Richard Nixon by saying that he is not a midget. He’s certainly not intimidated by Undertaker though he’s certainly respectful of what Undertaker has done in WWE. JBL lists off a variety of names that Undertaker has defeated over his career but JBL isn’t on that list.

Undertaker may have few weaknesses, but JBL is going to exploit them at Summerslam. Championships are won in the ring, which is where JBL defies the odds. At Summerslam, JBL will not only remain WWE Champion but defeat the Undertaker. That brings him to Jordan, who is both a great American and JBL’s new Chief of Staff.

Jordan says JBL has taught him that you have to take something you want, which is why he stopped Undertaker last week. Not that JBL needed the help or anything. JBL compares Jordan to the troops overseas and announces that it’s Jordan vs. Undertaker tonight. They’re trying to hide the fact that Jordan is Jordan and it’s not really working.

Spike Dudley vs. Paul London

Non-title. The Dudleys vs. Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman/London is confirmed for Summerslam. Speaking of the Dudleys, they come out to start things off, complete with Bubba wearing a bandanna for an odd look. London gets sent outside early on and Kidman stares the Dudleys down to prevent violence. Back in and the Dudley Dog is blocked and London kicks him in the face for two. An enziguri drops Spike again but Ray breaks up the 450, allowing Spike to get a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D+. Short angle advancement here as the Dudleys win because of the numbers game. I’m still not sold on Spike as the evil boss but there are worse storylines to get upset about around here. London and Kidman still can’t get away from the Dudleys, which isn’t doing their title reign any favors. Not a terrible match, but it wasn’t exactly designed to be a great one.

Post match the Dudleys beat the champs down.

Cole and Tazz explain the main event, which is called a Summer Games Relay. It’s a six man tag, but the catch is the match is made up of five minute periods. One person each will start for five minutes, then there’s a coin toss. The winning team gets to send in a replacement for five minutes. After that is over, the team that lost the toss gets to send in their replacement for five minutes. They keep alternating every five minutes until there’s a fall. That doesn’t sound bad.

Heidenreich and Paul Heyman will be at Summerslam.

Scotty 2 Hotty asks what’s up with Spike. It’s simple: Spike has just come home to his family and it’s gotten him the Cruiserweight Title. So who needs friends? A slap to the face looks to set up a fight but Bubba and D-Von intervene.

Kurt Angle comes in to Theodore Long’s office to rant about Eddie Guerrero selling his stuff. Long says it was for charity and offers to let Angle call Eddie out tonight. But is Kurt man enough to go out there and do it? Angle says he is, so Teddy tells him to get to steppin.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Nunzio

Nunzio has Johnny the Bull with him. Chavo works on the arm to start but gets taken down into a front facelock. That’s broken up so a Johnny distraction lets Nunzio snap off a hurricanrana. Chavo is fine enough to hit a t-bone suplex but the Gory Bomb is reversed. A rollup with a grab of the ropes gives Chavo two as Johnny breaks it up. Nunzio grabs a rollup of his own for the pin, even though Chavo seemed to get his shoulder up. Nothing special but quite the random filler match.

Undertaker vs. Orlando Jordan

There’s smoke in the ring as a loud TAKER chant starts up. The arm cranking begins but Jordan shoulders away in the corner to break up Old School. Undertaker charges into a boot in the corner and Jordan stomps away. That’s pretty much it for Jordan’s offense as it’s a chokeslam to send him outside. Back in and Old School connects, setting up something like a DDT for two.

The required JBL distraction lets Jordan get in a low blow and a few right hands. Undertaker realizes how bad it looks to sell for this goof and throws Jordan outside again, only to get thrown into the steps. Back in again and the jumping clothesline sets up the running corner clothesline. Snake Eyes connects but JBL comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D-. There’s just no way around it: Jordan is terrible at just about everything he does and having Undertaker sell for him wasn’t a good idea. Undertaker is challenging for the World Title in three days and he’s in trouble against Jordan? There’s a reason that Jordan hasn’t been around in months and this showed just how bad he was. Really bad match and I don’t see it getting any better.

The villains bail and Undertaker sits up for the stare.

Here’s Long to talk about Angle vs. Guerrero at Summerslam. Angle and Guerrero come out with Eddie asking about Angle’s wheelchair and the missing Luther Reigns. Since Angle doesn’t have anywhere to hide, he has to say something to Eddie’s face. Angle says he doesn’t have to hide because he had a legitimate injury. Eddie has no idea what it’s like to have something taken from you like that, but Eddie says that’s what Angle did to him when he stole the WWE Championship.

Angle brings up Eddie stealing his stuff (Eddie: “That was for a good cause!”) and then showing that footage from Wrestlemania where Eddie stole a victory. It’s just a way of hiding the fact that Eddie has to cheat to beat him. Maybe it’s true that Eddie can’t beat him without cheating, maybe he can. That’s what we need to find out on Sunday because Angle can’t hide behind his General Manager position any longer. Maybe Angle doesn’t know if he can beat Eddie either.

Long cuts them off and says that in the spirit of competition, he wants to see a handshake, if they’re man enough that is. They shake hands rather aggressively to end a very good segment. This is a well told story with both guys having a reason to be here. They’ve built it up over several months and I want to see what’s going to be a great match. Sometimes it really is that simple.

Team Cena vs. Team Booker T.

Rob Van Dam, Charlie Haas, John Cena

Booker T., Luther Reigns, Rene Dupree

One fall to a finish with Van Dam and Booker starting. Why it’s not Captain Cena starting isn’t clear but maybe they want to save that showdown for the first of at least three matches at Summerslam. Team Booker already won the toss so they’ll get the first replacement after five minutes. The rules are a little complicated but it sounds fun. Before the match, Cena praises his teammates and likes Jackie’s eyes. Yes eyes.

Booker and Van Dam trade hammerlocks to start with Rob getting the better of an armbar. A hot shot gets Booker out of trouble and the hook kick to the face gets two. The armbar doesn’t get Booker very far so he chops away in the corner. Rob is right back with a loud kick to the head and the step over kick gets two more. There’s a jumping kick to the face and the Five Star but the first period expires, meaning Luther Reigns comes in before the pin. The beatdown is on and we take a break.

Back with Rob throwing some right hands and hitting the springboard kick to the face. Rolling Thunder gets two but Reigns catches him with a spinebuster to end the second period. That means Haas comes into tie Luther’s leg in the ropes and pull on it a bit. A quick crank of the leg and a takedown keeps the leg in trouble but Reigns is right up with a butterfly suplex. Haas gets clotheslined for two and a belly to back gets the same.

Back from another break with Rene working over a beaten down Haas. Rene takes a bit too long going up top though and gets dropkicked out of the air. That and a bridging German suplex give Haas two, followed by more suplexes for more two’s. Booker trips Haas from the floor though and Rene grabs an STF (which might be worse than Cena’s) until time expires. Cena comes in and, after checking on Haas, takes Rene down for some bad right hands to the head. A running neckbreaker out of the corner gets Dupree out of trouble and it’s off to a camel clutch.

Cena breaks up that and a regular chinlock but misses the flying shoulder. The French Tickler wastes some time, but Tazz does get to sing about it which is always a highlight. Another comeback includes the FU attempt but Dupree grabs the rope to kill off the rest of the time. Booker comes in again and hits the hooking kick to the face. A You Can’t See Me knee drop gets two and it’s off to the chinlock. Cena fights up and drops Booker to the floor, with Van Dam getting in a few shots. Tazz declares that not kosher, especially as Cena rolls Booker up for the pin.

Rating: C+. The wrestling wasn’t awesome here but they did have a unique idea and it was perfectly watchable throughout. Cena getting the pin ahead of Sunday is fine, even if that match doesn’t mean anything on that night. It was fun and different though, which is certainly better than watching some of the same stuff over and over again, which happens far too often.

A brawl ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. It’s a tale of two shows here with the main event working and the JBL/Orlando Jordan stuff being rather awful. There’s not much you can do to get around a lack of talent and WWE doesn’t seem to get that with Jordan. At least there was some other stuff to balance it out, but that’s not exactly enough to make this show work. Angle and Eddie were awesome and that helped a lot, but they couldn’t make up for the rest of the show being pretty lame.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: July 29, 2004
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Things are picking up around here and that’s a good thing. Last week Vince McMahon reinstated Kurt Angle as a wrestler after Angle went nuts and fired a bunch of people. That set up Eddie Guerrero vs. Angle at Summerslam, but there’s a lot of stuff to get through tonight first. Tonight we have two title matches with the Cruiserweight and Tag Team Titles on the line. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Vince and Angle with Eddie coming out in the car to celebrate. Not noteworthy on its own, but Vince getting in the car and being scared by the bouncing was funny.

Opening sequence.

Tonight: a new General Manager made.

Cole clears up a point by saying Vince rehired everyone that Angle fired after the show went off the air last week. Simple, to the point, and fixes the whole thing in one sentence during an introduction. Learn from Michael Cole people.

Here’s Booker T., wearing the US Title, for a chat. Angle promised to make him the new US Champion but now Angle is gone, so the new boss needs to officially name him champion. Instead here are Kenzo Suzuki and Hiroko to interrupt. Booker says he doesn’t want to hear from someone in charge of the late night sushi bar at the Tokyo Inn. Kenzo rants a lot and Hiroko translates to “he should be US Champion.” Oh and Booker’s breath smells bad.

This brings out Rob Van Dam but before he can say anything, Luther Reigns cuts them off. Now it’s Rene Dupree as the ring is starting to fill up. Charlie Haas and Billy Gunn are next but John Cena comes out to the big reaction. Cena makes it clear that this is his house and the big fight is on. Before that goes very far though, here’s Vince McMahon to say this isn’t happening. It’s not his place to fix things though because that’s up to the new General Manager. Vince wants the new boss out here right now and it’s…..Theodore Long.

That’s enough for Vince as Long says we have eight men arguing like children over the US Title. Only one of them deserves to be the champion and that is….not revealed yet as Booker cuts him off to accept the title. Long says not so fast because tonight, it’s an eight way elimination match to crown the new champion. Holla.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Spike Dudley

Rey is defending and we’re ready to go after a handshake. Feeling out process to start as they both seem rather tentative. Rey grabs an armbar which seems to annoy Spike and it turns into a brawl, with both guys falling out to the floor. Back in and Rey hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two and it’s off to a double arm pull. Spike fights up and sends him hard into the corner to take over.

A headscissors sends Rey face first into the buckle but he’s fine enough to block a superplex attempt. Rey gets two off a basement dropkick but Spike sends him into the corner again, setting up a bulldog for two of his own. The top rope double stomp hits raised boots so Rey loads up the 619. Cue D-Von to distract the referee though and Bubba to trip Rey, setting up a springboard Dudley Dog to give Spike the pin and the title.

Rating: C. This didn’t have the time to get very far but what we had was good. Bubba and D-Von interfering comes off like a big storyline point and it’s not like Rey losing the title hurts him very much. He’s the most successful cruiserweight of all time and there isn’t much of a need to keep the title on him. Let the title build up someone else, like Spike for example.

Spike isn’t pleased with what his brothers did.

Raw Rebound.

In case you didn’t get it, bonus footage during the break shows that Spike isn’t pleased with what his brothers did.

We recap the Undertaker coming out last week to challenge JBL for Summerslam.

Long promises to make sure the women are utilized on Smackdown going forward. He heads into his office (an empty room aside from the desk) and finds Angle, who insists he isn’t hiding. Angle came here to get his stuff, but it’s already been packed. So wait. Angle was fired last week in Philadelphia but people came to Cincinnati and set up his stuff anyway?

With that leap in logic out of the way, Angle suggests the Long got the job because he’s black. Teddy: “You mean after all these years, it turns out that I’m black???” Long puts Angle in a match against an unspecified opponent for later. Angle isn’t happy so Long fines him for not bringing his gear. The match is moved to next week since Angle isn’t prepared.

Paul Heyman and Heidenreich are coming.

Tag Team Titles: Billy Kidman/Paul London vs. Dudley Boyz

The Dudleys are challenging. London armdrags and dropkicks D-Von for two to start. It’s off to Bubba and you can feel things getting a little more intense. A toss sends London into the corner so Kidman comes in instead. Bubba can’t quite get out of an armbar and some armdrags make things even worse. Everything breaks down for a bit until Bubba pulls Kidman down by the hair to take over. The Dudleys seem rather popular here as London gets sent to the floor, leaving Kidman in that much more trouble.

Back from a break with Kidman sunset flipping D-Von for two but getting caught in the neck crank. A quick knee to the head gets Kidman out of trouble and the hot tag brings London back in. D-Von gets kicked in the jaw for two and there’s a rolling version to Bubba’s head for a bonus. A double superplex brings D-Von back down for two but Bubba pulls Kidman to the floor. One heck of a clothesline gets two on London and Bubba grabs a chair, only to have Mysterio show up for a dropkick to drive it into Bubba’s face. Back inside and London small packages D-Von tor retain.

Rating: C. The ending made sense given the previous match so the storyline certainly fits. London and Kidman retaining the titles was the right call as, just like Mysterio, the Dudleys don’t need the titles and there’s no reason to give them back when you can build up some fresh people. It was good action too and that makes for a rather nice match as some new champions (who weren’t beaten when Rey got involved) get another good win.

Mick Foley and Ivory were at the Democratic National Convention.

Eddie Guerrero has something in the back of his rather great looking low rider. One thing he doesn’t have: a smudge on the car, which he cleans off and grins a lot.

Here’s Eddie for a chat. He enjoyed seeing Angle begging for his life last week but knows that’s nothing compared to what’s going to happen at Summerslam. If Angle wants, they can do this tonight. With no Angle, Eddie says to unload the car….which is all of the stuff from Angle’s office. He stole it if that wasn’t clear. Since Angle isn’t in charge anymore, let’s give this stuff to someone else.

That’s why he’s putting all of this stuff up for auction on WWE.com, with the proceeds going to charity. That includes a fake cast, a framed photo complete with WWE Championship (Eddie recommends putting it in the bathroom), a wheelchair primed for hydraulics and a photo of Angle….which gets a few bonus drawings from Eddie.

Now we get the big item: gold medals for sale. With the bidding up to a full dollar, Angle comes out to interrupt. He has a seat in the low rider but Eddie says there’s an anti-theft device included. Angle turns the key and powder sprays into his face. Eddie: “You think I was lying?” Eddie plays Angle’s music so the fans can get in some YOU SUCK’S.

Next week: Spike and Rey vs. the Dudleys.

On Velocity: JBL in action.

Speaking of JBL, here’s a video on why he’s an amazing American who deserves your support, including videos of him playing baseball as a kid. He was a great football player but wanted one on one competition so he became a wrestler. Oh and he’s a patriot, self made millionaire, and kisser of babies.

US Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Billy Gunn vs. Charlie Haas vs. Luther Reigns vs. Kenzo Suzuki vs. Booker T., vs. John Cena vs. Rene Dupree

The title is vacant coming in and this is under elimination rules. Thankfully there are only two in at a time so tags are required. Charlie and Rob start things off with Van Dam missing a kick and getting armdragged down. Back up and Rene pulls Van Dam by the hair before tagging himself in to pound Haas between the shoulders. Haas armbars him for a bit until a right hand puts him right back in trouble. The fans chant for Cena but the preliminaries aren’t quite over yet. Billy makes a quick blind tag and hits a Fameasser for the pin on Haas.

Back from a break with Dupree flapjacking Gunn for two and hitting some rather lame right hands. The French Tickler is broken up and Gunn hits a big backdrop before hammering away in the corner. Reigns comes in and hits hit swinging neckbreaker to get rid of Dupree and now it’s off to Cena for the big reaction. Cena hammers away in the corner but gets shoved away, setting up a butterfly suplex for two.

The chinlock goes on for a bit until Cena takes him to the floor for a whip into the steps. Hiroko distracts Cena so he kisses her and dances, earning a belt to the back from Suzuki. We’ll ignore the “pinfall and submission are the only ways to be eliminated” line from Cole at the beginning of the match because Suzuki is disqualified.

Back from another break with Booker kicking Cena in the face but getting punched into the corner. That’s enough for the latest tag to Gunn, who gets two off a fisherman’s suplex. The chinlock is countered into a belly to back suplex and Cena scores with a DDT. Billy grabs the One And Only for a very close two but walks into the FU for the elimination. Reigns comes in next and runs Cena over for two more. Stomping and a knee drop look to set up a powerslam but Cena slips out and another FU gets rid of Reigns.

We’re down to Cena, Van Dam and Booker, who comes in with a Book End for two on Cena. A DDT drops Booker but Rob tags himself in for some kicks to the ribs and a northern lights suplex for two more. Cena gets kicked in the face again and there’s the split legged moonsault for another near fall. This time it’s Booker tagging himself in though and, after a Five Star from Van Dam, he steals a pin on Cena. A quick rollup finishes Van Dam to make Booker champion.

Rating: C-. The match was longer than I would have liked, but at the same time I definitely prefer something like this over having Booker beat Cena by shenanigans in a singles match. You can almost guarantee Booker vs. Cena in a big time title match at Summerslam so why burn through it here? Cena lost clean by the rules here but it wasn’t in a singles match, so maybe he can win the title back later on. Today, this would have been Booker cheats to win, then Cena wins a rematch to get another title shot, then they have three matches in a row for the title. At least this keeps things a bit more fresh, which would be very welcome today.

Overall Rating: C. The wrestling wasn’t the best here but the booking and storytelling made sense with a lot of stuff being set up for next week and beyond. Throw in JBL not actually appearing with the over the top vignette airing instead and this was a lot easier to watch. They’ve changed things for the better in recent weeks and I’ll certainly take that over the nightmares they were producing in the early summer.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: July 15, 2004
Location: Dunkin Donuts Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s a big night around here with JBL defending the World Title against Eddie Guerrero inside a cage. This is Eddie’s big rematch since Smackdown doesn’t have a pay per view this month so the question is what kind of shenanigans should we expect. The show could be ok, though I’ve been very wrong on that front before. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of John Cena being stripped of the US Title by a power mad Kurt Angle. That makes a lot more sense than having him lose the title.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Booker T. to get things going. Booker says he’s all about championships and isn’t happy with the fans chanting the FIVE TIME part with him. None of them are five time WCW Champions so they shouldn’t be saying anything. Anyway, Booker wants the US Title because he didn’t lose to Cena in last week’s title shot. That’s why he wants Kurt Angle to come out here right now and award him the title. Instead here’s Rene Dupree to say that Americans don’t deserve to be the US Champion since they have no culture. Come on, this place is named after DONUTS.

Dupree wants the title, but here’s Kenzo Suzuki to rant about something in Japanese. Booker says he speaks fluent Japanese and Kenzo says Booker should be champion. Actually Hiroko says Kenzo thinks it should be him because Kenzo loves America. Booker tells Kenzo to say something in English, so he says Booker’s catchphrase to a nice reaction from the crowd. Booker: “TELL ME YOU DIDN’T JUST SAY THAT!” Arguing ensues so here’s Cena to a pretty strong pop.

Cena thinks this is some kind of We Are The World mix tape reunion. Or maybe they’re trying to recreate the Wizard of Oz, with Hiroko as a makeup heavy Dorthy, the dumb Booker as the Scarecrow, the testicle-less Kenzo as the Tin Man, Michael Cole representing the Lollipop Guild and the cowardly Frenchman. We’re not in Kansas anymore though because this is John Cena country and the champ is here.

Cena is going to walk down the yellow brick road to Angle’s office and get his title back, or he’ll just take it himself. He heads to the back and kicks the door in, finding Angle holding the title. Cena picks Angle up from the chair but Luther Reigns makes the save….until Cena throws him through the wall. Security takes Cena away and Angle promises to do something tonight.

Rey Mysterio/Spike Dudley vs. Jamie Noble/Chavo Guerrero

Spike headlocks Jamie down to start and small packages an invading Chavo for two. A spinebuster gives Chavo the same with Rey making an early save. I don’t think it was that bad dude. Rey has had it with the double teaming and springboards in (over the referee) to take both villains out. Stereo dives (with the camera missing Spike’s) take Jamie and Chavo out again but Chavo breaks up a springboard to put Rey in trouble. Since they seem to be in a hurry, Rey bulldogs both of them down almost immediately and it’s back to Spike.

The top rope double stomp gets two on Jamie and everything breaks down. There’s the 619 to Chavo but he’s able to break up one on Jamie. The Dudley Dog connects but Chavo pulls Spike out at two. Jamie hits the tiger driver, only to have D-Von Dudley come in for the distraction, allowing Bubba Ray to kick Jamie low. That’s enough for Spike (who didn’t see what happened) get the pin.

Rating: C. They packed a lot of good stuff in there and made a little something out of a match that should have just been filler. Spike is WAY better when he’s in there against people his own size (or as close to it as you can get) instead of playing the giant killer and this was another entertaining performance, even with the storyline ending.

Post match Spike sees his brothers and figures out what happened so he tells them to leave him alone.

Raw Rebound.

Recap of JBL winning the title from Eddie at the Great American Bash and the El Gran Luchadore thing from last week.

Reigns has been pulled out of the wall but Angle says he might have tweaked his knee and needs his cast adjusted. As for Cena, he can face Booker, Suzuki and Dupree at once.

Summerslam ad with the Olympics theme. I always liked that one.

Booker T./Rene Dupree/Kenzo Suzuki vs. John Cena

Elimination rules. For some reason Kenzo gets his full entrance while Booker and Rene have to share one. No wonder Dupree doesn’t like us. Rene starts for the team as Cole tries to brag about an American winning the Tour de France five times. I’m sure that won’t sound really stupid one day. I mean, it sounds stupid now but it’ll be even worse later. We take a very early break and come back with Kenzo coming in for a slam from Cena. Rene cuts Cena off with a knee to the back though and Kenzo scores with a Shining Wizard. That’s enough to tie Cena in the Tree of Woe and, using Hiroko’s sash, Kenzo chokes away for a DQ.

Rene comes in for a French Tickler but Cena catapults him into the post and gets a very fast rollup to tie things up. Booker starts hammering away and drops the knee for a delayed two. The chinlock goes on for a bit, followed by a superkick to the chest (Does it have to hit the face to be a superkick?) for two. Cena makes the comeback with the usual and the Shuffle connects for two but Booker throws him outside. Cue Reigns to post Cena and the ax kick gives Booker the pin.

Rating: D+. This was angle advancement more than anything else and that’s fine. Cena continues to be kept strong as it took four people to finally put him down. You can pencil in Cena vs. Booker for a US Title feud and that’s a pretty good place to be. Or Cena vs. Angle down the line when Angle gets out of the wheelchair permanently.

Heidenreich is coming. I mean, coming back as he was already on Raw a few times but now he’s going to be a monster. Oh and he has Paul Heyman with him.

Eddie Guerrero praises El Gran Luchadore but says this week, JBL won’t be able to run. Inside the case there is fear, anxiety, pain and the WWE Championship. That’s going to be a real high for Eddie.

Quick look back at Paul London and Billy Kidman winning the Tag Team Titles last week.

D-Von Dudley vs. Paul London

D-Von gets aggressive to start and hammers away in the corner with London’s right hands not having much effect. Bubba’s advice to D-Von: “KILL HIM!” A suplex gives D-Von two and a Hennig neck snap is good for the same. That means it’s off to a neck crank (Bubba: “COME ON CHAMP!”) for a bit before London flips out of a German suplex attempt. An enziguri hits D-Von for two but he backdrops London out to the floor. Bubba decks Kidman and whips London with a belt but London sends the Dudleys into each other and rolls D-Von up for the pin.

Rating: D. Quick and to the point here with London winning off a glorified fluke. That’s not the worst thing in the world though as they won the titles clean in the match that really matters. Beating some fired up Dudleys either at a big Smackdown or at Summerslam will be a good win for the champs as they’re actually being built up as a new team. See how easy it can be?

Reigns wants Cena so Angle makes the match for next week. For now though, Angle wants to watch the main event and promises that no one will forget tonight. Nothing ominous there at all. I do appreciate the hole in the wall not being repaired or addressed in any way.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL is defending and the ONLY way to win is pin, submission or escape over the top (the door is chained shut). I don’t think WWE knows the definition of “only”. Also, there’s something amusing about the announcement that this is the cage match as the cage is being lowered. The fans are rabid for Eddie here. JBL seems to panic a bit as he sees that the cage is locked. Eddie can’t send him into the cage to start so he goes with right hands to the head instead.

Instead JBL sends him head first into the cage but it’s way too early to go over the top. A fall away slam sends Eddie flying but he’s still fine enough to make a save. JBL gets knocked down so Eddie tries and misses a frog splash. Eddie is up fast enough to crotch JBL on the top and Three Amigos keep the champ in trouble. They head up top and JBL grabs a top rope superplex to send us to a break.

Back again with Eddie hitting a dropkick to block the Clothesline From JBL and they’re both down. JBL is up first and gets two off a spinebuster as the fans get behind Eddie again. This attempt gets cut off with a grab of the trunks (and a bit too much exposure), setting up a Russian legsweep from the top. Eddie takes his time getting up so JBL slaps on a sleeper this time around. That’s not the most thrilling move in the world and not something that I like to see in a cage match, though JBL choking with the wrist tape helps a bit more.

Eddie gets smart by running in a circle and using the momentum to send JBL flying into the cage for a break. Another ram into the cage gets a delayed two but JBL backdrops him into the cage. That means an even more delayed two, followed by the Clothesline From JBL for a not very near fall.

We take another break and come back again with Eddie jumping up the side of the cage to make a save. They head back down to the mat with Eddie reversing a fall away slam into the cage into a DDT. He goes up instead of covering though and gets a leg over the top before JBL makes a save. The still good powerbomb gets two more and it’s JBL’s turn to climb up and get pulled back down. Eddie goes all the way to the top of the cage….and turns around for the frog splash in the big spot of the match.

There’s no cover at first though so we look at an angle from the side, which makes it look even better. JBL eventually kicks out, which isn’t surprising as it took almost a minute after the splash hit. A DDT gives JBL a long breather and he goes up this time but Eddie is right behind him. Cue El Gran Luchadore to climb into the cage though and grab Eddie’s leg. That’s enough for JBL to get out and retain the title, sucking the life out of the arena.

Rating: B. These two have certainly figured out some better chemistry and this was a heck of a good match with nearly half an hour including commercials. The important thing here was they nailed the drama and Eddie can’t really complain about losing when he had the win but went for the splash instead. The ending is going to move Eddie on to something else, though I’m almost worried about what is next for JBL. It takes the right opponent to get something passable out of him and this show is thin on top at the moment.

Post match Luchadore jumps Eddie and goes to leave but Eddie pulls the mask off just in time. It’s Angle, who is mad that he lost his mask but happy that Eddie lost to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was a pretty solid show all things considered, though I’m not sure how good things can be in the future. Eddie vs. Angle is a proven solid match and Cena vs. Booker will be fine. Above all else, the lack of JBL talking helped so much around here. He can have a watchable enough match under the right circumstances, but there aren’t many people left to fight him at the moment. Anyway, I’ll take what I can get for the big show of the month, even though what’s coming might be a lot weaker.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: July 8, 2004
Location: Winnipeg Arena, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s title night around here as John Cena is defending the US Title against Booker T., who earned his shot at the title by winning a triple threat match last week. Other than that it’s time to build things up for next week when JBL defends the Smackdown World Title against Eddie Guerrero. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Rob Van Dam vs. Mark Jindrak

Rene Dupree is on commentary. I had forgotten Jindrak is a thing, though he’s now called the Reflection of Perfection, meaning he has Lex Luger’s mirror in the ring. He and Teddy Long have also split, but it’s described as amicable. Jindrak knocks him to the floor at the bell and the beating is on in a hurry with some rams into the barricade. Back in and the choking continues with Jindrak nipping up to show off a bit.

Rob tries to go up top but Jindrak hits an awesome looking standing dropkick (at one point Jindrak had the highest vertical leap in WWE history) to knock him into the barricade. The reverse chinlock with a knee in the back has Van Dam in more trouble but Rob comes back with a kick to the face. Rob’s rolling monkey flip out of the corner sets up another kick to the face but Rolling Thunder hits knees. A belly to back superplex is broken up though and Van Dam hits the Five Star for the pin.

Rating: C-. Jindrak was an amazing athlete and could jump like few others but everything between those jumps didn’t work so well. At least he’s a fresh name though as we haven’t see him do anything in recent months. That’s better than having Van Dam and Dupree fight each other time after time and a lesson that WWE could learn a lot from today.

We look back at JBL defending the World Title against Spike Dudley last week and Eddie Guerrero coming in for the post match beatdown. Eddie announced a cage match for the title two weeks later. Good ending after a dull match.

JBL talks about how much better a champion he is because Eddie didn’t offer handshakes or come to Canada while he held the title. Eddie is no gentleman and he probably didn’t even graduate from high school. JBL isn’t worried because he’s a champion’s champion and a man’s man who doesn’t belong in a cage. The growing JBL fan club will carry him through though and he can hear the chants starting from here. Tonight, he’s facing El Gran Luchadore, the champion of Mexico, who he’s fought before and comes in to see him here (looks to be Shannon Moore this time around). This time, it’s going to be a massacre.

Tag Team Titles: Paul London/Billy Kidman vs. Dudley Boyz

The Dudleys are defending and this is a rematch from Velocity where the champs had to get themselves disqualified to save the titles. It’s a brawl to start with London hitting a top rope missile dropkick, followed by an assisted moonsault for two on D-Von. London unloads with right hands until Bubba low bridges him out to the floor. Back in and D-Von hits a Hennig neck snap of all things and it’s Bubba coming in to stay on the neck.

Actually make that the knee as Bubba finally takes notice of the big brace. D-Von comes back in to grab the foot and….really that’s about it. He doesn’t twist on it or anything and is really just putting his hands on the foot. Bubba adds the apron legdrop and it’s a reverse chinlock to keep D-Von in control.

The middle rope headbutt misses though and there’s the hot tag to Kidman, in full accordance with the tag team formula. Everything breaks down and it’s D-Von and London being sent to the floor. What would have been the longest What’s Up ever is broken up so Kidman rolls through and lets London hit it on Bubba instead. London’s superkick sets up the shooting star press to give Kidman the pin and the titles.

Rating: C. The title change is quite the surprise but the big deal here is how fast the Dudleys fell. They went from main eventing a pay per view to losing the titles completely clean here in about two weeks. That’s an incredible collapse and really, something that needed to happen. Amazingly enough, that would be the team’s last title reign in WWE. It’s almost hard to believe that they never did it again but they would be gone in a few months and then left for about ten years. Quite the low key ending to their title years.

Post break the celebration is on, complete with champagne and congratulations from Billy Gunn. Well now it’s certainly a big deal. The Dudleys come in and shake their hands and no violence ensues.

Kenzo Suzuki has Hiroko translate a promo for him. He doesn’t like what John Cena has been saying about him lately and wants revenge. Kenzo is misunderstood and has great respect for America because it’s the land of opportunity. Kenzo: “God bless of America!”

US Title: John Cena vs. Booker T.

Cena is defending but before the match he needs to remind us that the champ is here in Manitoba. Booker isn’t getting the title back tonight because Cena is five times better and has five times the groupies. Cena isn’t losing to a Whoopi Goldberg lookalike, which is a line that the fans rather like. Cue Kenzo Suzuki for a fight but Cena beats him down with ease. With Suzuki down on the floor, Luther Reigns comes in and lays Cena out with the reverse swinging neckbreaker. I guess the match will be taking place later, because Kurt Angle will send his goon in to lay Cena out, but he’s fair about things.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. El Gran Luchadore

Non-title and JBL makes sure to shake hands on the way to the ring. It’s such a relief to have this new “I love you people” gimmick than what we were getting before he won the title. It’s still bad, but it’s not insufferably bad and that’s a step up. Hang on though as JBL needs to sanitize his hands. That’s very important in a foreign company. Luchadore rolls away to start but gets caught with a right hand to the mask.

Back up and Luchadore poses a bit too much, earning himself another knockdown. A running dropkick has JBL in trouble and a moonsault press gets two. JBL has had it with this and sends him outside so the real beating can begin. The huge clothesline drops Luchadore and there’s a second one to make it even worse as the fans chant for Eddie. Luchadore gets tied in the Tree of Woe with JBL ripping at his face for painful measure. A belly to back superplex makes things even worse and JBL kicks him out to the floor.

Cue a second El Gran Luchadore from underneath the ring to throw JBL outside and leave a banana peel on the mat before hiding again. The referee is so confused that the Luchadores are able to switch and the Eddie Guerrero dance might give you a clue as to what’s going on (in case you’re REALLY slow). Three Amigos (Cole: “That’s Mexican!”) have JBL bailing to the floor and it’s a countout as Luchadore says there’s no running next week.

Rating: D+. This was an entertaining squash until the angle, which went on a little longer than it needed to. JBL not taking a pin is a good idea as he doesn’t have the highest standing in the world at the moment and having him get beaten so soon would have been a bad idea. Not as bad of an idea as making him champion in the first place, but a bad idea nonetheless.

Luchadore says play Eddie’s music because they’re close.

Booker says he’ll win the title because he’s better than Cena. That’s about as to the point as you can get.

Raw Rebound.

Rey Mysterio, Scotty 2 Hotty and Spike Dudley are ready for their six man tonight when Bubba and D-Von come in to talk to their cousin. Scotty and Rey leave and advise Spike to help defend the family name tonight because he already let them down last week. Spike says he didn’t want their advice last week when they were champions. Why would he want it now? Sick little burn there.

Rey Mysterio/Scotty 2 Hotty/Spike Dudley vs. Chavo Guerrero/Akio/Jamie Noble

It’s off to Scotty to clean house and everything breaks down. Spike drops a top rope double stomp to the ribs and stomps on Chavo in the corner. The Dudley Dog gets two on Noble with Chavo making a quick save. That earns Chavo the Worm but Akio knocks Scotty outside. Chavo ducks the 619 so Rey catapults him outside, setting up a top rope Asai moonsault onto Chavo and Akio. Back in and Noble tiger drives the heck out of Spike for the pin. Like I said: Rey didn’t need partners.

Rating: B-. This was a heck of a fun little match with all six guys going out there and getting in everything they could in a little bit of time. Mysterio needs a fresh challenger though and it would make sense to have Noble (or anyone for that matter) come after the title. They could have had something special with more time, but what we got was quite good.

Paul Heyman doesn’t care about the Dudleys losing the Tag Team Titles because he has to worry about the Undertaker. Fair point actually. Heyman needs to say something to Undertaker and he’ll do it in the ring tonight.

We look back at last week’s completely unshocking moment with Undertaker announcing that with Paul Bearer gone, he’s going to destroy Paul Heyman.

Speaking of Heyman, he’s in the ring, with the Urn, to address Undertaker. He pulls out a statement, which says that everything that happened to Bearer was the Dudleys’ fault. Then the Dudleys got what they deserved so now Heyman wants to make a peace offering: the return of the Urn. Near tears, Heyman gets down on his knees and begs for a pass, rather than begging for forgiveness. No one is backing him up out here and he’s a little lamb lost in the wilderness, begging the reaper to pass on by. If Undertaker lets him live, Heyman will cross his path no more. And that’s it as I guess we’ll get to that later.

US Title: John Cena vs. Booker T.

The banged up Cena is defending. Hang on though as here’s Kurt Angle, still in a wheelchair but now carrying a cane. The distraction lets Booker get in a cheap shot and the beating is on in a hurry. A superkick gets two and it’s off to a top wristlock instead of staying on the bad neck. Cena starts the early comeback with a powerslam and hip toss for two each, followed by the Shuffle for two more.

The FU is blocked with the grab of the rope and Booker dumps him. Angle gets to his feet for the first time in months and limps over to Cena for a cane shot (breaking the cane) to the back. We take a break and come back with Booker dropping a knee and grabbing the chinlock. What a change of pace to coming back to the chinlock. Totally different you see. Cena fights up like a good guy fighting out of a chinlock but walks into a spinebuster.

The jumping kick to the face gets a delayed two and it’s right back to the chinlock. Cena kicks out of three straight covers and, you know it, back to the chinlock again. Back up yet again and Cena grabs a DDT for two of his own. Booker’s snap suplex gets the same and a Cactus Clothesline puts them both on the floor. Cena isn’t done and clotheslines Booker into Angle. Back in and Cena hits the FU but Reigns comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D. Quite the slog of a match here with Booker using a ton of chinlocks and Cena’s neck injury not having much to do with the match. With Booker jumping Cena from behind, you could have written the Reigns attack from earlier out entirely and not changed a thing. These two should be capable of so much more and that’s kind of a shame given how the match had been set up.

Post match Reigns beats Cena down but Angle says bring the title with him. Cena causing Angle to be knocked over is enough for him to be stripped of the US Title. Angle is very happy to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Not a very good show here with the six man tag being the only really strong part. The Eddie/JBL segment did its job but took too long to make it work as well as it should have. Other than that, the show was pretty mediocre at best and that’s not enough to make a full show work. That being said, I’ll take this over the horrible shows they were putting on just a few months ago any day.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: July 1, 2004
Location: Crown Coliseum, Fayetteville, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s very fitting that this is the halfway point of the year because it’s all downhill from here. JBL won the Smackdown World Title on Sunday, leaving us with a barren wasteland to look forward to. Other than that, Undertaker murdered Paul Bearer, which I’m sure will result in an explanation rather than, you know, life in prison for killing a man on television. Let’s get to it.

Just like on Monday, we open with the announcement that WWE has won some marketing awards.

A smug Kurt Angle opens the show and brags about costing Eddie Guerrero the title, even though the replay shows that it wasn’t exactly a questionable call. We see a video on the match and my stomach turns a bit at having to relieve the start of such a nightmare. Angle introduces JBL as the new champion and we jump to the arena.

Cole sounds as depressed as I am about the whole thing, though hearing Cole makes things even worse. The limo is covered in American flags and we get the long form entrance. The one compliment I’ll give JBL: I like the way he held the title with the belt clasped. Just looked cool. He even shakes hands and kisses babies on the way to the ring. There are even more flags on the ring, plus a CONGRATULATIONS JBL banner.

JBL declares it the dawning of a new era (wrestling loves eras) and promises to become the most popular WWE Champion of all time. He’ll shake hands, followed by a good washing of course because the champ can’t get sick. JBL: “It’s not personal. It’s just personal hygiene.” He talks about how JFK and Ronald Reagan were both taken away from us so America needs a hero. If you’d like, you can chant JBL. Those chants will inspire him to be a better champion than Eddie Guerrero, and they make him want to defend the title tonight.

After having to be reminded what city they’re in, it turns out that he gets to pick who gets the title shot. It will NOT be Eddie though, because Eddie has fallen off the wagon a bit. Right now, Eddie is probably knee deep in pills or vodka because he’s not here shaking JBL’s hand and calling him the better man. JBL promises to be a fighting champion to wrap things up. This was what you would have expected from a new gloating champion, but that doesn’t make the fact that JBL is champion any better.

Rob Van Dam vs. Booker T. vs. Rene Dupree

The winner gets a US Title shot at some point in the future. Rob strikes away to start and cleans a bit of the house, including backdropping Dupree to the floor. Another kick and the standing moonsault get two on Booker and the top rope kick to the face is good for the same with Dupree making the save. They’re certainly starting fast here. Dupree punches Rob down but gets kicked down just as fast as Booker was.

Rolling Thunder gets two and of course Booker comes in just in time for the save. It’s kind of amazing how triple threat matches wind up having so many coincidences no? They all stay in for a change with Rene dropping an elbow on Van Dam but Booker’s kick misses Van Dam and puts Dupree down by mistake. With Dupree tied in the ropes, Booker tries to bring in a chair but gets caught in a Van Daminator for his efforts. A big dive to the floor drops Dupree again and we take a break.

Back with Dupree dropping a middle rope elbow on Van Dam and getting annoyed when Booker goes for the cover. Fair enough. That’s the extent of the argument as it’s back to double teaming Van Dam in the corner until Dupree throws him outside. Booker takes a low blow and gets choked a bit until Van Dam comes back in, only to be thrown face first into a chair in the corner.

The spinebuster sends Dupree outside and there’s the Spinarooni for good measure. Van Dam kicks him down though and the Five Star crushes Booker, with Rob writhing around in so much pain that Dupree covers him for two. With Booker on the floor, Dupree gets in some snap jabs until Rob kicks him down again. The Five Star hits Dupree this time but Booker pulls Rob out at two and steals the pin.

Rating: B-. This was much better than I was expecting, even though it was the same formula that you’ve seen a dozen times in these things. Booker winning is the best option as a feud with Cena will only do good for both guys. If nothing else, maybe it can make Booker put in some more effort after some uninspired performances. Dupree vs. Van Dam can be fine for a one off match if that’s where they want to go.

JBL’s opponents are assembled in the locker room whenever he can get around to them.

Luther Reigns makes Charles Robinson watch a clip of the end of Torrie Wilson vs. Sable with the horribly botched ending where Torrie’s shoulders were both up. Robinson is sorry, but tonight he has to referee the rematch. Sweet goodness can’t we just have him tarred and feathered instead?

Cena and Booker yell at each other when JBL comes in. A few others are there and one of them will get a title shot tonight. After teasing various people getting the shot, he picks Spike Dudley, who isn’t in the room. Cena laughs at Bubba and D-Von for this, even though it’s not funny.

We look back at Booker winning the title shot. We’ve had a promo, the match and some backstage segments. That really needed to be shown again? Anyway the title match is next week.

Rey Mysterio vs. Mordecai

Non-title, though that might just be understood. Rey kicks at the leg to start but a drop toehold doesn’t work. Instead he goes with the basement dropkick and Mordecai is in more trouble than he’s been in to date. A lifting full nelson puts Rey in some trouble and Mordecai puts the back of Rey’s head against the post for a good pulling.

Mordecai throws Rey over his back for a choke until Rey slips out and starts kicking even more. No wonder he and Van Dam teamed up so often. A crossbody gives Rey two and the springboard DDT plants Mordecai. The 619 looks to set up the West Coast Pop but Mordecai powerbombs him onto the rope (looked like a botch). The crucifix bomb is countered into a hurricanrana to put Mordecai away.

Rating: D. And that’s it for Mordecai, as he’s going back to OVW. He’s a rather infamous failure and one of those guys who came and went while making a bit of a lasting impression. I never realized how short an amount of time he was around as he only had three televised matches. I know the matches he had were bad, but there’s only so much you can do when your two matches are on pay per view against Scotty 2 Hotty and Hardcore Holly, neither of which had any significant story.

Getting into a bar fight a few weeks before this and having someone get injured in the process didn’t help things either, but they didn’t exactly give him much to work with in the ring. It’s a cool gimmick and he looked awesome, though it was pretty clear that there were a lot of things working against him. Granted, the stuff he did in the ring wasn’t exactly great. What kind of a religious extremist uses chinlocks to purge sin?

The announcers talk about Undertaker turning on Paul Bearer and burying him in concrete to end the Great American Bash. Footage is promised, even though it might not be suitable for all audiences. Who exactly is that suitable for?

Before we get the footage though, here’s Paul Heyman to talk about what Undertaker did. It was Heyman who showed Undertaker the way and apparently that was the right thing, rather than what Heyman told him was the right thing (laying down in the match). Now we see the video, which is just a long recap of the match and post match murder. Back in the arena, Heyman talks about Undertaker no longer has a conscious and will be more deadly than ever.

Lighting comes out of the posts though and Undertaker appears on the screen (likely in an undisclosed location to avoids prosecution). Undertaker calls Bearer his one weakness and points out the obvious: now that Bearer is gone, Heyman is a dead man. For some reason this shocks Heyman, who is WAY smarter than this. What exactly was he expecting to happen here? This is the kind of thing that some crazy, stupid manager would do and that’s not Heyman whatsoever. It’s very out of character for him and thankfully that’s the last straw on this stupid story.

Sable vs. Torrie Wilson

So you have two Playboy cover girls here and the focus is on the referee. Torrie doesn’t wait for the bell so Sable runs outside, only to get thrown back in rather quickly. Sable gets catapulted face first into the buckle and Torrie hits some of the lamest stomps I’ve ever seen. A forearm knocks Torrie off the apron though and Sable starts in with the knees and legs. Choking ensues and Sable yells at Robinson for telling her to break. Torrie’s backslide gets two and a DDT finishes Sable. Robinson wasn’t really a factor.

Rating: D-. I’m not sure if I can call anything with Torrie and Sable involved a failure but this was about as close as you can get. They can’t wrestle, they can’t move around the ring well, they can’t show emotion and they can’t….well pretty much anything positive outside of look good. I get the gist here, but this stuff is really hard to watch.

Actually hang on a second as Kurt Angle pops up on screen to say Robinson needs to learn a lesson. Now take off your shirt.

Charles Robinson vs. Luther Reigns

And never mind as Charlie Haas runs in for the save after about ten seconds. Reigns isn’t happy.

Raw Rebound.

Spike is warming up when the Dudleys come in and think something is up. Bubba says they’ve never gotten an opportunity like this (yes he has) and tonight they’ll help Spike win so they can come get a title shot of their own. Spike turns them down and doesn’t seem happy. I don’t like where this is going.

Here are Kenzo Suzuki and Hiroko so the former can rant in Japanese and laugh evily. This brings out John Cena to say that Suzuki is angry every week but no one understands a thing he’s saying. Cena knows some basic Japanese like sushi and sake, sending him into a story about having a little too much one night. After a Godzilla impression, Cena says he’s here for Suzuki because he’s fluent in Japanese. We see the same Suzuki promo with Cena “translating” into a bunch of jokes about bodily functions and Hiroko’s white face paint. That’s about it actually, with no violence or big punch line.

JBL shakes more hands but finds Eddie Guerrero’s car. Nervous laughter abounds.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Spike Dudley

Spike is challenging and the announcers are smartly bringing up the small Mysterio beating the monster Mordecai earlier in the night. JBL powers him around (well duh) to start as the Eddie chants are trying to get going. The slow beating continues and the pro-Eddie chants have morphed into BRADSHAW SUCKS chants. Spike manages to take him down into the corner for some rapid fire stomps but the champ sends him outside in a heap.

A hard forearm to the back sets up a whip into the steps and it’s off to a torture rack. That’s broken up and Spike hammers away in the corner, only to get slammed right back down. The Clothesline From JBL misses and the Dudley Dog gets two, with the fans gasping at some false hope. A spinebuster sets up a pair of Clotheslines From JBL, followed by a powerbomb to retain.

Rating: D-. Well what else were you expecting from JBL vs. Spike Dudley for about eight minutes? This was mostly a squash with the fans gasping at the idea of the title changing hands. I don’t know if that’s just the shock or wanting anyone but JBL to be champion, but it’s not the best sign if this reign is going to last a long time.

Post match Eddie is here and the beatdown is on but JBL rolls away before the frog splash. As the champ leaves, Eddie says enjoy the title while you can, because the rematch is in two weeks inside a cage.

Overall Rating: D. It could have been worse. JBL has started become a bit more bearable as he’s not talking about the same things over and over again every time. Now that he’s finally champion, we can finally get back to some new challengers and not hearing about how he’s claiming his destiny or whatever it is that he babbled about forever.

Other than that the US Title stuff was fine, but the lower midcard acts were some of the weakest they’ve been in a long time. Between that and Undertaker being like “oh, and now I’m a monster again” and Heyman being stunned, there wasn’t much to get excited about this week.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6