Impact Wrestling
Date: April 18, 2024
Location: 2300 Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Matthew Rehwoldt, Tom Hannifan

It’s the last show before Rebellion and the show is mostly set. As tends to be the case around here though, there is a good chance to add in something at the last minute, perhaps on the Kickoff Show. In addition, the Motor City Machine Guns are getting a Tag Team Title shot against the System. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening recap.

Opening sequence.

Hammerstone vs. Guido

The rest of the FBI is at ringside and Josh Alexander is on commentary. Hammerstone throws him into the corner to start and easily blocks a single leg attempt. Guido cuts off a charge with a raised boot but Hammerstone runs him over again. The rest of the FBI offer a distraction so Guido hammers away, only to get launched to the floor off the kickout. Back in and Hammerstone puts Alexander’s headgear on Guido, setting up the torture rack for the win at 4:09.

Rating: C-. Nothing to see here as Hammerstone, who is looking more and more like Brock Lesnar every week, gets to smash through someone before his match with Alexander. It’s as simple of an idea as you can ask for and they made it work. Guido isn’t going to be hurt at all by a loss to a monster and doing it in the ECW Arena makes it that much better.

Ash By Elegance is going to be ringside for the Knockouts Title match at Rebellion. Xia Brookside comes in to say she’s got a match with Ash next week, which doesn’t please Ash.

We look back at Steph de Lander, with help from Matt Cardona, putting Jordynne Grace through a table last week.

Grace has heard that Cardona has hurt but she knows de Lander will have a trick up her sleeve. Grace will have one too.

Joe Hendry vs. LSG

Before the match, Hendry promises to make Rich Swann say uncle at Rebellion. As in Uncle Phil, where did you get that hideous gear? They fight over arm control to start until Hendry powers him up for a fireman’s carry drop. The Standing Ovation finishes for Hendry at 1:46.

Video on the Motor City Machine Guns vs. the System for the Tag Team Titles later tonight. The Guns have been having tension and it’s time to show they can still do it. The winners get Speedball Mountain at Rebellion.

Grizzled Young Vets/Mustafa Ali vs. Jake Something/Cody Deaner/Rhino

Rhino is a mystery partner after Deaner polled the fans on if it should be 3-2 or 3-3. Something powers Gibson around to start and it’s off to Rhino to stay on the arm. The villains are sent to the floor and we take an early break. Back with the Vets double teaming Deaner, including a spinwheel kick to the face. A backbreaker gives Drake two and we hit the chinlock. Ali comes in for his neckbreaker and the chinlock sequel goes on.

It’s back to Drake but Deaner slips over to Rhino to pick up the pace. Everything breaks down and Something launches Deaner onto Gibson with Ali having to make the save. Drake has to save Ali from Something and it’s a bunch of dives to take Something down. All three go after Deaner and stomp him down in the corner, only to have Rhino make the save. Deaner fights up and catches Ali on top but gets sunset bombed down. The 450 gives Ali the pin at 12:13.

Rating: B-. This is one of the areas where TNA tends to shine: taking some wrestlers and putting them out there for some perfectly watchable wrestling. Ali gets a win over someone with very little to lose and they had a good match all the way through. Something needs some more juice for the title shot, but Ali losing is hard to fathom anyway.

Steve Maclin promises to make his mark at Rebellion despite not being on the card.

Eric Young talks to the Sickness version of himself and thinks he might need him at Rebellion. Young is scared of what he’ll become if gives in to the violence. The masked man takes the mask off to reveal Young and violence is promised.

Rosemary vs. Jody Threat

Havok and Dani Luna are here too. Threat slugs away to start and knocks her into the corner for some early clotheslines. Rosemary is back up with a dropkick, setting up the Upside Down. A German suplex sets up a Last Chancery but Threat is out in a hurry. The pump kick rocks Rosemary and a hard clothesline gets two. Something like an STO puts Rosemary down but she pops right back up. The other two get on the apron for a distraction and Rosemary hits a spear for the pin at 7:40.

Rating: C. I’ve lost track of how many times TNA has had one member of a team beat half of the Tag Team Champions to set up a title match. It’s a simple story but it is something that has been done so many times now. That is something they might need to work on, along with getting some more teams into the Knockouts tag division.

We get more from Jonathan Gresham’s therapy session where he talks about hiding behind his mask. Everyone makes him do it, but the group leader doesn’t want him to. Then he sits next to someone in the octopus mask.

Tag Team Titles: Motor City Machine Guns vs. System

The System, with Alisha Edwards, is defending. Shelley ducks a chop to start so Eddie grabs a headlock instead. With that going nowhere, it’s off to Myers vs. Sabin, with the Gunns quickly taking over. Stereo kicks to the chest have Myers down and we take an early break.

Back with Eddie sending Shelley into the corner, only to get sent into the other corner. The Gunns take turns working on the leg, with Sabin tying it in the ropes for a dropkick to the knee. Shelley grabs the Figure Four and Sabin gets one on Myers at the same time. Both of them are broken up and Alisha gets in a distraction, allowing Myers to take over on Shelley. The chinlock goes on for a bit and we take another break.

Back again with Eddie grabbing a front facelock as the slow beating continues. Eddie gets up and knocks Sabin to the floor, just as Shelley gets over for the attempted tag. Said tag goes through a few seconds later, with Sabin coming in off a high crossbody. Everything breaks down again and Sabin hits a heck of a suicide dive.

Back in and Sabin superkicks Shelley by mistake, allowing Myers to hit the running knee to leave everyone down. The Backpack Stunner/top rope elbow combination gets two on Sabin but the Roster Cut is countered into a rollup for two. The Skull and Bones is loaded up but Alisha offers a distraction, meaning it’s the Roster Cut into the Boston Knee Party to retain at 22:06.

Rating: B. This was a good, long match with both teams working hard until the end. The Gunns having issues does not exactly bode well for their future and it might be better to give them a break at the moment. Other than that, it’s good to give the System a huge win over one of the biggest teams in the history of TNA, even with some shenanigans. Rather strong mach here with the right ending.

Here is Nic Nemeth for a chat. Nemeth talks about going to Las Vegas to face the System…and here is Moose to interrupt. They argue over whether or not Nemeth is going to be able to finally win the big one, but Nemeth has heard this far too many times. Nemeth promises to win the title and they glare at each other to wrap it up.

A big Rebellion package wraps up the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was the show to get you ready for the show and it went well enough. What mattered here was getting the announced matches primed up and they didn’t have very far to go. With only a few things added and a big main event set up, this show did a nice enough job to make me want to see Rebellion without rocking the boat. Nice show here, but Saturday is what really matters.

Results
Hammerstone b. Guido – Torture rack
Joe Hendry b. LSG – Standing Ovation
Mustafa Ali/Grizzled Young Vets b. Jake Something/Cody Deaner/Rhino – 450 to Deaner
Rosemary b. Jody Threat – Spear
System b. Motor City Machine Guns – Boston Knee Party to Sabin

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: April 4, 2024
Location: 2300 Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Matthew Rehwold, Tom Hannifan

We are just a few weeks away from Rebellion and the card is starting to come together. At the same time though, the Motor City Machine Guns are not having the best times as of late and the question becomes where they go from here. That every well could be down but we might see some more of it this week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening recap.

Opening sequence.

Mustafa Ali vs. Rhino

Non-title and this is Old School Rules, meaning anything goes. Rhino starts fast by sending him outside before going with the more simple beating back inside. Ali is backdropped out to the floor as commentary debates what a real X-Division star is. A hard whip sends Ali into the post so it’s time for the weapons, with the ECW chants beginning. Rehwoldt: “IT’S BEEN TWENTY YEARS!” Twenty three actually but who’s counting? Ali fights back and grabs the book of a former Philadelphia Flyer, who happens to be in the front row.

Instead Ali grabs a cardboard cutout of his Pro Wrestling Illustrated cover, allowing Rhino to fight back. After rescuing the book (and posing with its author), Rhino goes back inside but gets caught with a Coast To Coast. For some reason Ali tries his own Gore but is cut off with a trashcan. The fans want tables, though they have to settle for the one that Rhino sets up in the corner. A spinebuster puts Ali down again but his security cut off the Gore. Rhino fights them off and the Gore…hits the table to give Ali the pin at 8:34.

Rating: C+. There is a formula to these matches and they followed it just fine, which is all it needed to be. The fans are always going to respond to the ECW stuff and Rhino can still have a perfectly acceptable match. This worked out well and I had a good time with the whole thing, so nice choice for an opener.

Post match Jake Something comes in and lays Ali out.

People are excited for Alex Shelley vs. Nic Nemeth tonight.

Here is Hammerstone for a chat. He’s down for one more match with Josh Alexander and they can do it at Rebellion. Then he beats up a cameraman and puts Alexander’s headgear on him.

Here are the Rascalz, with Trey Miguel running down various ECW legends that he can’t remember. Bring out some ECW guys right now.

Rascalz vs. FBI

Make that the NEW FBI, with Zack Clayton and Ray Jazz (?), as managed by Little Guido. Jazz, an All-American wrestler, takes Miguel down to start but Miguel sends him into the buckle. Wentz comes in so the Rascalz can kick him down, setting up a quick shooting star press for two. Jazz fights his way out of trouble rather quickly and it’s off to Clayton to clean house. Everything breaks down and cue Myron Reed to spray paint Guido. That’s enough for the Rascalz to hit a quick backbreaker into a middle rope elbow for the pin on Jazz at 3:21.

Rating: C. Major points for having a fresh team using the old ECW name instead of having the same old guys come out for one more ECW reunion. It wasn’t a great performance or anything but at least they did something new. Guido is fine as the manager to tie things back to the old days, but they didn’t go with the expected idea here and I’ll certainly take that.

More wrestlers are excited for Alex Shelley vs. Nic Nemeth.

Jonathan Gresham is at his group therapy session, where he says you have to lie to get people to listen to him. The group’s therapist says lying is over.

Trent Seven is cut off by the System and gets a non-title match with Moose as a result.

Chris Bey vs. Frankie Kazarian

Ace Austin is here with Bey. The bell rings and Kazarian insists that he be recognized as the King of TNA. Bey uses the distraction to jump Kazarian from behind (the bell had rung so that’s hardly cheating) and an elbow to the back gets two. Kazarian pulls him down from the middle rope for a crash and sends things outside as we take a break.

Back with Bey slugging away against the ropes and hitting a spinebuster for two. Kazarian can’t hit the slingshot DDT but Bey’s connects for two more. The Art of Finesse misses though and the slingshot cutter gives Kazarian two more. They go to the floor where Kazarian grabs a chain, which Austin takes away. Kazarian pretends to get decked with it so Austin gets tossed, only for Bey to hit a quick dive. A low blow on the way back in drops Bey though and Fade To Black finishes Bey at 12:02.

Rating: B-. TNA has long figured out the value of putting two good wrestlers in the ring and letting them have a match with some time. There was almost no way these two weren’t going to do something at least decent and that’s what we got here. Nice match as Kazarian gets another win and the ABC doesn’t do so well on their own.

MK Ultra have been having issues in recent matches.

Masha Slamovich isn’t happy when Alisha Edwards cuts her off. Killer Kelly is gone and they both want the Knockouts Tag Team Titles so they could be a team. Masha can think about it.

More people are still excited about Alex Shelley vs. Nic Nemeth.

Kon is ready for PCO in Monster’s Ball.

Xia Brookside vs. Ash By Elegance

They argue to start with Brookside chasing her to the ropes early on. Brookside grabs a hurricanrana out of the corner and it’s already time for a breather on the floor. A distraction from the concierge lets Ash get in a posting to take over and they head back inside. Stomping in the corner gives Ash two but Brookside is back up with a crossbody for the same.

Ash is back up and sends her outside for a crash, only to have Rarefied Air broken up back inside. The Brooksie Bomb is broken up as well but Brookside makes the comeback anyway. A ram into the corner and a neckbreaker get two on Ash, meaning it’s time for the concierge to throw champagne in Brookside’s face. That and a rollup give Ash the pin at 8:28.

Rating: C. Ash is already more interesting than Dana Brooke was for a very long time and that was the case again here. You can see the character rounding into form as the weeks go by and it wouldn’t surprise me to see her getting into the title scene sooner than later. Not a great match or anything, but it suited Ash well.

The ABC aren’t happy with each other but First Class interrupts. They seem to recruit Chris Bey, who isn’t interested in that but is interested in beating up First Class soon. Deal.

We look at Steph De Lander becoming the new #1 contender to the Knockouts Title, albeit with an assist from Matt Cardona.

Cardona and De Lander are ready to win the Knockouts Title.

Nic Nemeth vs. Alex Shelley

This is billed as the Generational Class. They go to the mat to start with Nemeth grabbing a bodyscissors as commentary goes through their accolades. The threat of a cross armbreaker sends Nemeth over to the ropes and it’s time to go back to the mat. Shelley kicks the arm away to take over and the arm goes into the post to make it worse.

We take a break and come back with Shelley hitting a baseball slide before driving the knee into the arm. A cross arm choke with a backbreaker has Nemeth down again and Shelley sends him back to the floor. Nemeth manages to counter a ram into the post though and we take a break. Back with Nemeth in control on the mat and starting away on the arm to even it up a bit.

The dropkick cuts off Shelley’s comeback attempt but Shelley goes after the leg to put Nemeth down again. Shelley twists the leg around in the corner and we hit the Figure Four. Nemeth makes the rope and enziguris his way to a needed breather. A neckbreaker sets up the rapid fire elbows but the jumping version hits raised knee.

There’s a Downward Spiral into the middle buckle, setting up a tornado DDT for two. The Border City Stretch stays on Nemeth’s arm but Nemeth makes the rope again. Back up and Nemeth hits a running DDT for two, followed by a superkick for the same. The Border City Stretch is blocked so Shelley tries Shell Shock, which is reversed into the Danger Zone to give Nemeth the pin at 24:56.

Rating: B+. Remember the Kazarian vs. Bey match being good because the people involved are that good? That was the case again here but on a bigger scale. These two had a long match that was given the chance to be built up as Shelley loses, just like Chris Sabin did last week. It seems that TNA is moving forward and that may well be a good thing, though it’s still weird to see the Guns losing like this.

Overall Rating: B. There was a nice mixture of solid wrestling and quick stuff to set up future shows and that is a nice way to go. While the Scott D’Amore firing still feels rather unnecessary, the company is still rolling along with good television. That was the case again here and it went rather well with one of the better shows they’ve done in a bit.

Results
Musafa Ali b. Rhino – Pin after a missed Gore
Rascalz b. FBI – Backbreaker/middle rope combination to Jazz (3:21)
Frankie Kazarian b. Chris Bey – Fade To Black
Ash By Elegance b. Xia Brookside – Rollup
Nic Nemeth b. Alex Shelley – Danger Zone

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Impact Wrestling
Date: April 21, 2022
Location: 2300 Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Matthew Rehwoldt, Tom Hannifan

It’s the go home show for Rebellion and we should be in for a solid night. The card is mostly set with the World Title being more than ready, so now it might be time to focus on just about everything else. I’m actually looking forward to the pay per view and if they can get in one last push, we should be in for a nice Saturday. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening recap.

Opening sequence.

Violent By Design vs. Decay

Non-title and it’s Eric Young/Deaner vs. Black Taurus/Crazzy Steve. Taurus hits Deaner in the face to start but Young gets in a cheap shot from the apron to take over. A running knee in the corner gives Deaner two but Taurus knocks him down and brings Steve in to clean house. Steve dropkicks Young off the apron and hits the Cannonball for two on Deaner, with Young dropping a top rope elbow for the save. Everything breaks down and Taurus is sent into the steps. The distraction is enough for Young to break a flag over Steve’s back, allowing Deaner to grab the DDT for the pin at 4:38.

Rating: C-. Not much to this one and the champs cheat to win. Decay is going to be in the elimination match for the titles at Rebellion but it is still a little hard to buy that Violent By Design would need to cheat to beat them. At least it was short though, which is how I tend to like my Violent By Design.

Video on Moose vs. Josh Alexander, which has turned into something of an epic feud.

During the break, Tasha Steelz and Savannah Evans jumped Rosemary and Havok as they checked on the rest of Decay.

Rebellion rundown.

Here are the Major Players (Chelsea Green/Brian Myers/Matt Cardona) for a chat. We look back at the three of them combining to put W. Morrissey through a table last week before Cardona says it is appropriate that he is in the ECW Arena because he is the Deathmatch King. Now he and Myers think they need some tag team gold around here, with Myers saying that they’re on the same page now. Green talks about how they were all you could talk about on their own, and now they’re united.

Cue Guido Maritato and Tony Mamaluke, better known as the FBI in ECW, to interrupt. Guido rants about how the Major Players are disrespecting this building and thinks the shirt says MAJOR SISSIES. The FBI clears the ring and Guido wants a Digital Media Title shot RIGHT NOW.

Digital Media Title: Matt Cardona vs. Guido Maritato

Cardona is defending and gets taken to the mat to start. A fireman’s carry takeover has Cardona messed up so he bails to the floor, where he almost hits Green in the face. The distraction lets Guido get in a shot but Myers offers a distraction of his own, allowing Cardona to kick a rope low on Guido. Back in and Cardona gets a bit more serious with some choking and the Reboot. Guido fights up as well and hits the Sicilian Slice, only to have Myers offer a distraction. The low blow and Radio Silence finish for Cardona at 4:56.

Rating: C. As much as I absolutely never need to see another ECW tribute or return again, they kept this short and Cardona won in the end so it could have been a lot worse. Cardona and Myers could make for a force around here and it is kind of amazing to see Cardona coming this far. This isn’t the same thing as having Hawkins and Ryder together again, so I’m curious enough about where this is going.

Post match the table is loaded up but W. Morrissey runs in and…gets taken down by Green’s low blow. Jordynne Grace of all people runs in for the save and cleans house, allowing Morrissey to chokeslam Cardona through the table.

Honor No More is ready to win all of their matches at Rebellion and mock Bullet Club for a bonus.

Jonah talks about how he hurt PCO and now he’ll do the same to Tomohiro Ishii at Rebellion.

Shera vs. Gabriel Rodriguez

The toss into the corner sets up the Sher Kamur for the pin at 16 seconds.

Bhupinder Gujjar isn’t regretting his decision to not join Raj Singh.

Moose is ready to go and make a public apology but wants assurances that Josh Alexander won’t attack him. Scott D’Amore isn’t impressed but he’ll be at ringside anyway.

Honor No More vs. Bullet Club

Vincent/Matt Taven/Mike Bennett/Kenny King vs. Jay White/Good Brothers/Chris Bey here with the rest of Honor No More at ringside too. Anderson shoulders Vincent down to start and hands it off to Gallows to do the same. Bennett comes in to get punched in the corner but avoids an elbow, allowing White and Taven to come in.

Taven dropkicks him down but spends too much time saying his name, allowing White to hit a chop. King comes in to trade missed dropkicks with Bey, with the latter being knocked into the corner. A Bennett brainbuster plants Bey and Taven gets two off a neckbreaker. Taven misses a charge though and the hot tag brings in Anderson to really clean house. Honor No More is sent outside and we take a break.

Back with Anderson and Bennett knocking each other down, setting up the double tag to White and Vincent. The spinning suplex gives White two but Vincent is back with a Russian legsweep for the double knockdown. The hot tag brings in Gallows to clean house as everything breaks down. Bey hits a big running flip dive to the floor, leaving Bennett to get Gun Stunned into the Magic Killer for the pin at 12:48.

Rating: C+. This was the kind of insanity that you might have expected and there was almost no way that Honor No More was going to win, especially without its ace in the match. Other than that, the Bullet Club instantly feels bigger because of White being around. He’s a star and the kind of person you can build around for a long time to come, assuming he wants to stick around. Good match here, with a lot of people getting to shine.

Steve Maclin is ready for Chris Sabin and Jay White at Rebellion because he is in a club of his own (meaning the military).

The IInspiration were having a signing earlier before stopping to talk to the camera. They’re glad that Kaleb With A K is gone, as now they can get the Knockouts Tag Team Titles back.

Taya Valkyrie is back for the Reina de Reinas Title, and maybe to shut Deonna Purrazzo up a bit.

Ace Austin/Mike Bailey vs. Trey Miguel/Laredo Kid

Austin forearms Miguel in the face to start and goes after his arm to limited avail. Bailey comes in to run the ropes with Kid, who sends him outside for a heck of a suicide dive. Back from a break and it’s Austin driving a shoulder into Kid’s ribs in the corner. Kid fights up and strikes away though, allowing the hot tag off to Miguel.

Everything breaks down and Kid’s springboard is broken up with a kick to the head. Bailey and Austin hit their stereo running flip dives but Miguel is back up to kick them both down. Back in and Bailey spends too much time setting up a kick and gets dropkicked down. That leaves Austin to load up the Fold, which is countered into a rollup to give Miguel the pin at 9:25.

Rating: B-. It’s the kind of a match that is going to be entertaining and high speed every time, even if it isn’t exactly a classic formula. It’s a bit of a weird choice to give the champ the pin going into the title match, but maybe Austin can get the win back at the pay per view to even it up. I’ll take that over Bailey, who still hasn’t clicked for me.

Post match Austin wants Bailey to deck Miguel but Bailey strikes Austin down instead to stand tall.

Another Rebellion rundown.

Vincent excuses himself from an Honor No More huddle so he can go find some jumper cables. He finds PCO and electrocutes him back to life, because PCO is not human.

Here is Moose, with his lawyer RD Evans, for the public apology. The statement, to Josh Alexander’s family, is rather formal and includes some information about Moose’s title reign. That’s not good enough for Moose, who cuts it off and wants a better apology. He is sorry that he exposed Alexander as a horrible father and husband, plus for the beating that Alexander is getting at Rebellion. Moose isn’t sorry for sending Alexander home for more than a month. Then Alexander is going to beg Moose to come to his home and show his wife and son what a real man is.

Cue Alexander for the brawl with Moose, who gets in a cheap shot to set up a chokeslam. The table is set up at ringside but Moose takes too long, allowing Alexander to hit the C4 Spike through said table to end the show. I have no idea why the table was needed when a regular C4 Spike inside would have worked just fine but that’s modern wrestling for you.

Overall Rating: B-. They’re doing a good enough job of setting up the pay per view, which has been built up long enough that it needs to just take place already. The good thing is that they haven’t burned me out on any of the feuds, with Moose vs. Alexander being timed about as well as it could have been. There was enough good wrestling on here to keep me interested and Rebellion still has my attention so it’s a success all around.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

December To Dismember
Date: December 3, 2006
Location: James Brown Arena, Augusta, Georgia
Attendance: 4,800
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Well here we go. For the first time ever, the reincarnated ECW is getting its own pay per view and we have two matches announced on the way in. One of those matches features two teams who aren’t on ECW and the other is the EXTREME Elimination Chamber. This is not exactly looking promising but let’s get to it.

The opening video entirely focuses on the Chamber, with nothing else getting any focus. So half of the matches got a look, so maybe things are looking up.

Hardys vs. MNM

This is the result of the Hardys’ open challenge and neither of the teams are on ECW. Matt starts with Mercury and shoulders him down, meaning it’s already off to a double standoff. With that settled down, Mercury shrugs off some arm cranking and hands it off to Nitro as everything breaks down again. The Hardys clean house and it’s Nitro blocking Jeff’s jawbreaker and taking him into the corner to put him in trouble for the first time.

Jeff isn’t having that either and fights out, allowing the tag off to Matt to pick up the pace again. Melina offers a distraction though and MNM manages a double gutbuster to take him down. A double belly to back faceplant gets two on Matt but he manages a double DDT. Jeff gets knocked off the apron and it’s MNM hitting Poetry In Motion to rock Matt again. Not that it matters as Matt fights up and makes it over to Jeff for the hot tag a few seconds later anyway.

Everything breaks down again and it’s time for the parade of dives onto the floor. Back in and Nitro hits a springboard missile dropkick for two on Jeff. A double catapult sends Jeff face first into the buckle and Mercury cranks on both of Jeff’s arms for a bit. Jeff gets flipped into the corner and some forearms to the back keep him in trouble. There’s a slingshot elbow for two and we hit the reverse chinlock.

With that broken up, another double catapult is countered as Jeff comes back with a double Whisper in the Wind. The hot tag brings in Matt, including the middle rope legdrop for two on Nitro. Back up and Nitro snaps off a super hurricanrana on Jeff but the Hardys get up again and nail stereo superplexes.

With Jeff up first, Melina gets on the apron but her slap is blocked by Jeff grabbing his arm. Jeff steps away and Nitro dropkicks Melina by mistake, setting up a rollup for a rather hot near fall. The Snapshot gets two with Matt making the save so MNM puts Jeff on top. Matt makes another save and neckbreakers them down, setting up the Swanton onto the two of them for the double pin.

Rating: B. It’s rather good and I don’t think anyone should be surprised by that. You had two great teams going at it in a twenty minute match. I’m not sure how this couldn’t be good, though it’s kind of disappointing to hear that both teams are splitting up after this. It doesn’t make sense given how good this was, but it isn’t like WWE really cares about the tag division anyway.

Commentary hypes up the Elimination Chamber. It isn’t a good sign that they need filler like this.

Rob Van Dam is ready to take the risks for the chance to become ECW Champion again.

Here’s Matt Striker for a chat and it’s time to go downhill. Striker talks about the chaos and destruction that is coming tonight in the Chamber. He asks the fans if they want to see someone like him in an extreme rules match. The fans approve, so Striker is going to be in an EXTREME RULES match tonight. Now that means an EXTREME enforcement of the RULES of course, meaning no eye gouging, hair pulling, coming off the top or foul language of course. Let’s see how extreme his opponent can be.

Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney

Mahoney throws him down to start so Striker comes back with some forearms. That’s broken up so Mahoney tries a cross armbreaker of all things, with Striker going straight to the ropes. More forearms to the back stagger Mahoney and striker sends him shoulder first into the post. A Regal Cutter gives Striker two and it’s time to crank on the arm.

Mahoney comes back with right hands to the face (Striker picks no eye gouging but ignores punches from a guy with a signature sequence involving punches to the face. Right.) but gets pulled into a Fujiwara armbar. That’s broken up and Mahoney’s arm gives out on the snap jab attempt. Striker crotches him on top and the Fujiwara armbar goes on again. Mahoney fights back up with a belly to back suplex and now the punches work. The sitout spinebuster finishes Striker off.

Rating: D. Ignoring the fact that we’re on pay per view, this wouldn’t have even been a good TV match. Striker wanted the rules enforced and then they had a regular match. Having Mahoney win was one of the two ways they could have gone, but if this was their way of giving the fans something to cheer for, we’re in a lot more trouble than I thought.

Brian Pillman has a DVD (not on Peacock obviously).

Sabu has been attacked. After losing on Tuesday, it isn’t like he had any momentum or chance anyway. So yeah he’s not likely for the main event and you can hear the BULLS*** chants as we come back to the arena.

Sylvester Terkay/Elijah Burke vs. FBI

Trinity is here with the FBI. Before the match, Burke promises that they will leave their mark like a wild beast in heat. Commentary drools over Trinity as Guido and Burke (in a hat) start things off. Guido takes him down (and steals his hat) by the arm and hands it off to Mamaluke. A few fans try a WHERE’S MY PIZZA chant ala the original ECW because he thinks it is still alive.

Terkay misses a splash in the corner but manages to pull Guido’s high crossbody out of the air. After Terkay throws the FBI outside, it’s back in for a chinlock from Burke. Guido fights up and hands it off to Mamaluke so the pace can pick up. A double dropkick into a double flapjack gets two on Burke but Terkay gets in a cheap shot from the apron. The Elijah Experience finishes Mamaluke.

Rating: D+. Slightly better match but that is mainly due to having slightly more interesting people involved. Terkay and Burke are two more people who don’t really feel like they belong in ECW but at least they did something here and add a little variety. Not much of a match, though you have to take what you can get on this show.

Post match, Terkay hits Guido with a MuscleBuster for a bonus.

CM Punk and Rob Van Dam watch Sabu being loaded into an ambulance.

Daivari vs. Tommy Dreamer

Great Khali is here with Daivari, who rants about how Khali in Farsi. Daivari hammers away to start but a glare from Dreamer sends him bailing outside (just don’t let Dreamer talk). Back in and a hiptoss sends Daivari right back to the floor but this time he comes back in with a dropkick. There’s a baseball slide to put Dreamer on the floor but he reverses a whip to send Daivari into the barricade.

Back in and Khali low bridges Dreamer right back to the floor, earning himself an ejection. The fans say they want hardcore but get a neck crank into a chinlock instead. Dreamer fights up drops backwards onto Daivari for the break, followed by a reverse DDT for two. The Death Valley Driver is broken up but Daivari catches him on top. That means the Tree of Woe into the running dropkick…..but then Daivari rolls him up with tights for the pin.

Rating: D-. Gah no. Another nothing match here which would have been bad either here or on television and that is hardly the kind of thing that is going to make the show better. The ending was pretty awful as Dreamer just started to get going and then Daivari pinned him without much thinking. Bad match, bad setup and worse ending, especially on this show.

Post match Dreamer chases Daivari up the stage, where Khali catches him with the tree slam. Therefore, we pause for Dreamer to be checked on but then get up.

Paul Heyman puts Hardcore Holly into the main event to replace Sabu. This is booed out of the building.

Kelly Kelly/Mike Knox vs. Ariel/Kevin Thorn

Oh this could be trouble. Before the match, Kelly wishes CM Punk luck in the main event. The guys start (thank goodness) by shoving each other around before Thorn clotheslines him down and grabs a quickly released neck crank. A hard clothesline cuts Knox down again and we hit another nothing chinlock.

Knox fights up with a slam for two and kicks Thorn in the face for a knockdown. This time it’s Knox cranking on Thorn’s neck but Ariel makes the save. She even stays in this time and wants Kelly to join her, meaning it’s time for a lot of hair pulling (Striker disapproves). A boot choke in the corner has Tazz losing his train of thought and an ax handle to the back cuts Kelly off again. Kelly manages to kick Ariel away though….and Knox walks out on her, leaving Ariel to hit a choke STO for the pin.

Rating: D-. It was a nothing match and the high point was Mike Knox vs. Kevin Thorn. This is airing on pay per view and would have been an ice cold match on TV in addition to the match being terrible as a bonus. I didn’t think this show could actually fall even further but this pay per view continues to amaze me.

Post match the beatdown stays on but Sandman makes the save. Thorn gets caned down and beer is consumed.

We get a video of Michael Cole running down the Armageddon card. Also not on Peacock.

Bobby Lashley says it is his destiny to win the title.

Video on the Elimination Chamber. Notice the high level of padding tonight.

We’re still not ready yet though as here is Paul Heyman, with security, for a chat. Heyman talks about how Hulkamania will die with Hulk Hogan and WOO will die with Ric Flair. ECW will live on behind him though, with Big Show as its champion. The days of Sandman and Sabu and Tommy Dreamer are over and it is the ECW of the Big Show. Now lower the Chamber!

ECW Title: Big Show vs. Hardcore Holly vs. CM Punk vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Test

Show is defending in the Extreme Elimination Chamber, meaning there is a weapon in each pod. Hardcore Holly is in at #1 and Rob Van Dam is in at #2 and there are five minute intervals. Holly takes him into the corner and starts kicking away but Rob pops up and gets sent into the cage….but holds onto the side because he can. The spinning high crossbody only hits the rope though and Van Dam crashes down again. Van Dam gets sent into the cage again but manages to get a boot up to cut off a diving Holly.

Rolling Thunder over the top rope hits Holly but he suplexes Van Dam back inside. There’s the dropkick and it’s CM Punk with his chair in at #3. A monkey flip sends Holly onto the chair and Punk kicks Van Dam down. The chair is wedged in the corner and Van Dam, who has been busted open somewhere in there, is sent hard into it. Punk kicks him again but Holly is back up with a side slam. Holly drops Punk onto the top rope and there’s a top rope superplex to take him down again.

Test, with his crowbar, is in at #4 and hits Punk in the ribs before clawing at Van Dam’s cut. Punk grabs a Stunner on Test of the top rope and the bloody Van Dam kicks Holly in the face. Van Dam skateboards the chair into Punk in the corner and hits the Five Star for the pin and the elimination for Punk’s first pinfall in WWE. Test kicks Holly in the face for an elimination, even if the count didn’t seem to go down properly. Van Dam goes up top but Test chairs him in the knee and pulls him right back down in a crash.

An elbow off the top of the pod onto the chair onto Van Dam is good for the elimination, meaning that the countdown to Lashley is official. It also means that the ring is clear, save for Test, for about a minute and a half because this match can’t time things either. Bobby Lashley with his table is….not allowed to get in because test and the security guards block the door. That’s fine with Lashley, who uses the table to break the roof open and climbs through the top. Eh points for a cool entrance.

Lashley unloads for a bit until Test gets him into the corner for some choking. Lashley suplexes him down, hits him with the crowbar, and nails a spear for the pin. Therefore, let’s wait a minute and a half before Big Show with his barbed wire baseball bat can come in at #6 to give us the showdown. Lashley has to use the chair to shield himself with the bat but manages to knock Show outside anyway. Show is sent through the pod to bust him open but he knocks Lashley down again. Back in and the chokeslam is countered into a DDT, followed by a spear for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. And that’s probably high. This was a really dull Chamber with the two badly times falls that left them sitting around with nothing to do for a few minutes. The match is less than twenty five minutes and you knew that Lashley had the title won with about ten minutes to go.

Look at the participants here. Van Dam, Show and Lashley are fine, but that leaves you with three pretty weak choices. Punk would go on to become a huge star, but at this point he had been around for a few months with his career consisting of feuds with Shannon Moore and Mike Knox. That is kind of lacking in any kind of meaningful wins in WWE and it showed badly. The other two are Test and Hardcore Holly as a replacement. That leaves you with three options, but Test dominated a good portion of the middle. That’s the best they could put together and that should tell you a whole low.

The show was long past the point of saving by the time we got to the match, but then they had this boring mess to make it even worse. There was no drama, the popular guys were done in less than fifteen minutes and the weapons managed to make it less violent than the previous Elimination Chambers. Not the worst match of all time, but pretty horrible and probably the worst Chamber match to date, if nothing else for the star power included and the lack of drama near the end.

Lashley’s pyro celebration ends the show.

Overall Rating: F. What is there to say about this show? It’s a good match, then a C level version of the C level TV show and a huge main event which bombed as hard as anything in recent memory. This show felt slapped together and I would bet on the middle four matches being thrown together earlier in the day. Outside of the opener, the best match on the card was the FBI vs. Sylvester Terkay and Elijah Burke. Do you get how far you have fallen to have those four in second place?

This show made it very clear that WWE did not care about ECW and there was no stopping the show’s collapse even further into nothingness. There was no effort, there was one good match out of six (featuring people not from ECW) and the main event was a mixture of predictable and bad. This is what we got for the first ECW pay per view, which does at least give us a special milestone.

With this show, you can officially say that the new ECW is done. There wasn’t much to the show coming in and then it got even worse here. The show resulted in Paul Heyman leaving WWE and ECW, making this nothing more than the dumping ground for the people with nothing else to do. It was clear that the show wasn’t going to mean anything and once Heyman left, there was no reason to pretend anymore.

Heyman argued with Vince McMahon about the show both before and after, resulting in Heyman walking out on the company and not being seen again for over five years. Heyman’s idea was to have Punk make Show submit early and win the title, which worked fine for Show. Instead, Punk goes out first to end his undefeated streak. Heyman knew that things were done so he left, and after this debacle, can you really blame him?

One thing that doesn’t get the attention it deserves is the middle of the card with the four matches between the two they actually advertised. Striker vs. Mahoney is at least a logical way to go and Daivari vs. Dreamer has been built up a bit on TV. That leaves you with a tag team squash and a mixed tag with three heels and Kelly Kelly. I know WWE has a lot of problems, but they know how to throw together a four match series better than this. This felt like they were trying to troll the fans (or at least Heyman) and with none of these matches even hitting eight minutes, the lack of effort is pretty clear.

This show is about as perfect of an example of a show where WWE didn’t care and we were just left to get over it. It was a week after Survivor Series and two weeks before Armageddon, so in addition to treating the fans to an awful show, how many fans who watched or heard about the show passed on the next show because of what WWE delivered here?

This didn’t feel like a pay per view (a two hour and fifteen minute run time, comparable to Coliseum Videos didn’t help either) and it has absolutely earned the reputation that it maintains. I know it isn’t quite the same thing as a top level WWE pay per view, but it is hard to think of anything that the company has released that is near its level. This show is a complete disaster and one of the all time bombs on pay per view.

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: November 21, 2006
Location: Nassau Coliseum, Long Island, New York
Attendance: 10,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It is the go home show for Survivor Series, but we are also less than two weeks away from December To Dismember. The big story coming out of last week was the debut of Bobby Lashley to finally give ECW a fresh main eventer. Other than that, we have some guest stars this week with the Hardys dropping by. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Bobby Lashley making a surprise debut last week to take what appeared to be Hardcore Holly’s Elimination Chamber spot.

Opening sequence.

Here is Matt Striker in the ring, complete with his classroom, to talk about how scary the Elimination Chamber will be. You shouldn’t have to wait for December To Dismember for the carnage and destruction so tonight he will annihilate Bobby Lashley. Striker offers a comparison between the two, including Lashley doing a tour with the military and Striker doing a tour with the New York City public school system. As Striker (probably accurately) says that his job was more dangerous, here is Lashley to wreck the classroom and get things going.

Bobby Lashley vs. Matt Striker

Some suplexes and a spear set up the Dominator to beat Striker in about a minute. More competitive than I would have bet on.

Full Blooded Italians vs. Hardy Boyz

This is the Hardys’ first time together in four years. Matt takes Guido into the corner by the arm to start and hands it off to Jeff to stay on said arm. A double leg trip puts Guido down again so it’s off to Tony Mamaluke, who gets caught in the Spin Cycle. The Whisper in the Wind misses though and a pair of elbows to the back gets two on Jeff.

There’s a double belly to back suplex for two but Jeff jawbreaks his way out of a chinlock. The diving tag brings in Matt and it’s time to clean house in a hurry. Matt hits bulldog/running clothesline combination to set up the middle rope legdrop. A middle rope sitout powerbomb/neckbreaker drops Guido and the Swanton is good for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was little more than a squash and that’s all it was supposed to be. The Hardys being back is a pretty good deal and it would probably draw in some extra eyes to ECW. The whole reunion concept is almost always going to get at least a quick look and the fact that the Hardys are still good helps a lot.

Rob Van Dam comes in to see Paul Heyman (and his security) and agrees that he is willing to do anything to be champion. Heyman threatens to suspend him for showing up unannounced last week but has another idea instead: if Hardcore Holly beats him tonight in their Extreme Rules match, Holly is in the Chamber instead.

Video on Sabu.

Kevin Thorn vs. CM Punk

Ariel is here with Thorn, who shoulders Punk down hard to start. Punk is back with a kick but charges into an elbow in the corner. We hit the early chinlock with a knee in Punk’s back, setting up the Boston crab to keep Punk screaming. Cue Kelly Kelly to cheer Punk on and he quickly reverses into the Anaconda Vice for the tap.

Post match the catfight is on with Kelly getting the better of things and Punk kicking Thorn to the floor. We get a hug and here’s Mike Knox to glare from the stage.

Here are Paul Heyman and Big Show for a chat. Show thought the idea of the Extreme Elimination Chamber was crazy because the Elimination Chamber is scary enough as it is. Now we are going to have the most extreme match in history with a bunch of weapons and five challengers, but Show likes his odds. He lists off all of his successful title defenses and says no one can beat him. Cue Bobby Lashley and the fight is on, with Lashley knocking him out to the floor with a belt shot. Just give him the title already.

Video on the Elimination Chamber.

Test gives Hardcore Holly a pep talk. Let me repeat that: TEST gave someone a PEP talk. Just pack it in now people.

Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly

Extreme Rules and if Holly wins, he gets Van Dam’s Chamber spot. Van Dam kicks him in the face to start and then down it again for a bonus. They head outside with Van Dam hitting the spinning kick to the back over the barricade. We take a break and come back with Holly kicking Van Dam into a chair wedged in the corner. Holly puts said chair on Rob’s face and stomps on it for two, followed by a throat first drop onto the open chair.

The chinlock goes on for a bit before Holly hits some forearms to the chest. Van Dam gets in a kick and grabs a chair but gets dropkicked right back to the floor. Back in and Holly puts the chair on Van Dam’s face for the middle rope knee, meaning it’s time for a whipping with a belt.

Rob is back with a kick to the face and the clothesline comeback is on. The monkey flip out of the corner sets up a top rope kick to the jaw. The skateboard chair to the face rocks Holly again but he gets up and chairs Van Dam in the back. Van Dam catches him on top with a top rope superplex onto the chair, followed by the Five Star onto the chair onto Holly for the pin.

Rating: B. This took some time to get going before they started beating each other senseless with one big move after another. It’s also nice to see them not go crazy with the weapons, as the biggest thing here was the chair. Van Dam beating Holly to keep him out of the Chamber (for now) is a good sign, but ECW really likes Holly so you can almost guarantee that this isn’t done yet.

Overall Rating: C+. They kept it to the point here and that’s all they should have done. Survivor Series was only mentioned as the next place for the Hardys to team together, with Knox and Show’s appearances there having no build at all. That leaves us with December To Dismember and the Chamber….with nothing else announced for the card and a single week to go. You don’t think that’s going to be a problem right?

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: August 15, 2006
Location: Verizon Center, Washington DC
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Summerslam and that means we need a title match set. In this case that is likely to mean something involving Sabu, Kurt Angle and Rob Van Dam, the latter of whom returned last week to interfere and break up a #1 contenders match between the others. Other than that, expect the ECW Originals to look really pathetic. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at Van Dam returning last week and taking out Sabu and Angle.

Paul Heyman, with Big Show, announces that Angle has suffered a torn groin muscle and will not be wrestling in tonight’s triple threat #1 contenders ladder match. Instead it will be Sabu vs. Van Dam and it will be EXTREME. And that, unless he has an interview or pre-taped segment, is the last we’ll see of Angle in WWE for over ten years.

Opening sequence.

Here is Mick Foley as our designated guest star of the week. Foley talks about Ric Flair being invited to come here tonight but Flair seems to have turned down the offer. With Flair not here, Foley has the chance to talk about Flair’s accusations that Foley was nothing until he fell off the Cell. Foley remembers it differently, because he was thrown off and put on a stretcher but he wasn’t quitting because he would have thought less of himself.

What Flair has never understood, Foley’s career is built around being able to look in the mirror. Foley is doing that on Monday morning and as busted open as he will be, he is going to like what he sees. Foley may be a bestselling author, but the words I-Q-U-I-T are not in his vocabulary. Since there is no Flair here though, Foley has some guests tonight.

First up is Kelly Kelly, followed by Melina. It’s time to do something Foley has never done before: a three way dance! This goes as well as you would expect, including Flair running in to go after Foley and send him into the steps. Foley is bleeding from his mouth as Flair chokes him with his belt. Flair swears the Foley will quit at Summerslam before walking away. They were both feeling it here.

Shannon Moore tells us to question authority.

CM Punk vs. Justin Credible

Credible actually gets an inset promo, promising to prove that Punk’s debut win was just a fluke. The fans are WAY into Punk and he strikes Credible down in a hurry to start. A running clothesline in the corner connects, followed by a running knee. Credible counters a spinning high crossbody into a gutbuster but Punk slips out of a suplex. The running knee in the corner sets up the Rock Bottom into the Anaconda Vice for the pin. This would be it for Credible, as the Originals lose another, meaning nothing is really going to change.

Video on Rob Van Dam.

Rob Van Dam is sitting on a ladder, where he talks about wanting the ECW Title back. Nothing is going to stop him, no matter how homicidal, suicidal or genocidal. Then he’s going on to Summerslam to take the ECW Title from Big Show.

Rene Dupree says he’s a beautiful man, but now he is going to prove that he’s hardcore.

FBI vs. Mike Knox/Test

Kelly Kelly is here with the non-Italians. Knox takes Nunzio into the corner and slams him down without much effort. The stomping is on and it’s off to Test for a backbreaker into a side slam. Mamaluke comes in so Test kicks Guido in the face and TKOs Mamaluke for the pin. Total squash.

Post match Tommy Dreamer and Sandman run in to clear the ring. Knox hides behind Kelly that’s what he does.

Video on Sabu.

Sabu is ready for Big Show and will sacrifice anything to win.

Heyman is giving Big Show a pep talk when Kurt Angle runs in to go after both of them. Security takes him down and Angle is handcuffed and arrested. Show wants to press charges. So I’m guessing that’s it for him.

Sabu vs. Rob Van Dam

Ladder match with the winner facing Big Show for the title on Sunday. Sabu doesn’t look thrilled with the fans grabbing at him on the way in but he dives at Van Dam’s leg to start. We get a wide shot of the contract and the lights in the arena are really low despite a decent crowd. Either they’re focusing on the ring more so than usual or no one showed up for ECW. Rob kicks away but gets crotched on top.

In something that makes sense for Van Dam, he tried to jump from the top to grab the contract. It doesn’t work of course, but points for trying something different. Sabu clotheslines him to the floor but Rob is right back with a baseball slide to drive the ladder into his face. Back from a break with Sabu sending him face first into the ladder and driving him into the ladder again with the Arabian facebuster. Rob shoves the ladder over though and then drops Sabu onto it, setting up the spinning legdrop.

The ladder is monkey flipped onto Sabu to put them both down but Rolling Thunder only hits ladder. There’s the Triple Jump Moonsault but the Atomic Arabian Facebuster only hits ladder. Rob gets pulled off the ladder but he kicks Sabu down and hits a quick Five Star. That means Van Dam can go up but here’s Big Show to put him through a table. Show orders the contract down so Sabu dives onto show and pulls it down for the win.

Rating: C. The ending wasn’t exactly in doubt here as they had built up Sabu for weeks, but Van Dam is the kind of person who could get into a major title match at the drop of a hat. They also did a nice job of throwing in a fresh ending, which is so rare in a ladder match. It was smart to put Sabu in a match like this to protect him and I’d assume that is going to be the same on Sunday.

Show destroys Sabu again to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This was a bit better show than in recent weeks, mainly because one of the ECW people actually won something for a change. You can see the writing on the wall (it’s in REALLY big letters) around here though as ECW is going under in a hurry. Van Dam, Sabu and maybe Dreamer are about all the original brand has to offer and I’m not sure how much longer they are going to matter anyway. Not a terrible show here, but that feels like a rarity instead of a good sign for the future.

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IMG Credit: WCPBTW

WCPBTW Memorial Weekend Professional Wrestling Super Show 2018
Date: May 26, 2018
Location: Pickaway County Fairgrounds, Circleville, Ohio

This is an indy show that a reader asked me to look at, and it turns out to be the same company that Jim Cornette had plugged for a long time. The company is (or at least was) owned by Bobby Fulton of the Fantastics and since they were my NWA tag team of choice, this could be interesting. I’m curious to see how something like this goes so let’s get to it.

I have no idea of any storylines, characters or anything else coming into this so if I miss something of note, please bear with me.

The ring announcer welcomes us to the show and I can barely understand a thing he is saying. Another man gets in the ring with him and the fans don’t seem pleased. Apparently that man is Bobby Fulton, who owns the promotion and says something about 41 years in wrestling. I really wish I could give you more than this but I can’t understand more than a word or two here or there. He either talks about how great the fans are or orders a spicy pasty with a used Honda.

Fulton brings out an older woman and asks for some applause for the armed forces (fair enough over Memorial Day weekend). Now he introduces his pastor for a prayer, followed by the National Anthem (Fan: “PLAY BALL!” Yeah I say it too so I can’t make a joke here). With that, and the presentation of a prayer shawl out of the way, we’re ready to go.

Iron Russian #1 vs. Luis Casanova

And yes the Russian is masked, as all proper Russians should be. Iron Russian #2 is outside as flag waver. The USA chants begin, despite Casanova being billed from the Dominican Republic. That’s one of those things that never works and wrestling fans keep doing it anyway. #1 hits a loud chop in the corner and the fans don’t seem pleased. He does it a second time and tries a third but this time Casanova knocks him outside with a single right hand. Serves the Commie right.

The Russian cheats to win a test of strength but Casanova forearms him down, meaning it’s time to talk to the referee again. Probably trying to get him to give up his voting rights. Casanova gets taken down again and the neck crank goes on, which of course brings him back to his feet like a real American. Or Caribbean. A sunset flip gives Casanova two but Nova is back with the choking.

Casanova is sent outside for some cheap shots from Russian #2 but is fine enough to hit a running clothesline. The Russian kicks him in the face for two more but does the “dive into the raised boot which could only have been done so he could dive into the raised boot” spot so Casanova can starts the comeback. Two clotheslines get two and an AA connects, but the other Russian comes up for a distraction. The first Russian uses a distraction to hit Casanova with a chain for the pin at 9:06.

Rating: C-. Perfectly watchable match here, though Casanova is a disgrace to America and his own country as he tries to milk some American fervor. Jim Duggan would be disgusted by this man. The Russians are as classic of a wrestling villain trope as you are going to get so this worked out fine. Dated, but fine.

Queen of the Ring American Grand Prix Title: Miss Hannah vs. Kacee Carlisle vs. Shawna Reed

Hannah is defending and they need to work on the name of the title. Carlisle has her own title but I’m not sure what it is. The challengers hug to start and go with the chopping and choking on the ropes. Based on that first minute or so, this doesn’t exactly appear to be the most polished women’s division ever. A double clothesline takes her down again and there’s a double back elbow to do the same.

They suplex the champ and now it’s time to argue over the cover because that’ show triple threat matches work. Hannah is sent outside though and Carlisa chokes Reed on the ropes. It works so well that she does it again before knocking Hannah back down and covering for two. A butterfly suplex (you don’t see that much anymore) gets the same on Reed but she gets up and drops Hannah again.

Reed side slams Carlisle for two and chokes in the corner before running the ropes for….a chinlock. Must be a Kevin Owens fan. A swinging neckbreaker connects and they’re both down again, meaning Hannah can come back in. We go old school with a double noggin knocker and some forearms to Reed in the corner. The handspring elbow misses and Reed puts her foot a good six inches in front of Hannah’s face for two. Reed’s cover is rather sloppy though and Hannah crucifixes her to retain at 7:58.

Rating: D+. This was as by the book of a triple threat match as you were going to find and the work wasn’t much better either. That being said, it doesn’t exactly seem like a promotion that focuses on its women’s division very much but this could have been worse. They didn’t go with something about the women’s looks and they got a little time so you can’t really complain all that much. Not great, but it could have been a lot worse.

Eric Fallen vs. Tyler Robinson

Richardson is in an American flag jacket and half of the Ohio State Tag Team Champions. We’re not ready to go yet though as Fallen’s other manager, carrying a cane, yells at Robinson and the fans. Grog promises to have Robinson’s hair shaved and we finally get the bell.

They go nose to nose to start with Fallen shoving him down as the manager with the cane yells at some fans. For some reason that makes Robinson take a bow before grabbing a wristlock. Some clotheslines into a dropkick into some armdrags into a clothesline put Fallen on the floor and Robinson hits a hard suicide dive. Back in and Robinson hits a springboard high crossbody for two but Fallen drops him with a single shot. They fight over arm control with Fallen getting him down with a top wristlock.

Some hard whips into the corner have Robinson in more trouble but he fights up and tries a Boston crab. That’s blocked without much trouble and Fallen throws him outside to yell at more fans. Back in and Robinson throws him hard into the ropes for a crash but Fallen is right back to the arm. Robinson fights up again (he does that a lot) and grabs a fireman’s carry gutbuster for his first near fall.

A jackknife cover gets him a ridiculously slow two so Fallen suplexes him for a pretty fast two of his own. Robinson tries the Boston crab again, drawing Grog up for the distraction. Fallen’s chokeslam hits for two but a second attempt is countered into a crosschin. That’s broken up with straight power and Fallen puts him on top, only to get shoved back down. Grog grabs the foot though and Robinson dives into a really bad chokeslam for two….but the referee remembers that he needs to count to three and comes back for the pin at 11:09.

Rating: C. I’m not sure what was up with the referee (felt like a plot point due to the speeds of the count) here but it was pretty distracting throughout the match. What mattered here though was I got most of the story they were going for and saw how things were supposed to go. If the wrestlers are telling their story properly, then you can figure out the details for yourself, so well done here.

Post match Robinson has to have his head shaved by….someone I don’t know. They take their time here and do the whole thing too and the referee talks trash about it. That would explain a thing or two from the match. Cue a guy in a hat to….I think yell at the referee but I can’t make out a word of what is being said. Robinson’s shave is done so he gets up and drops the referee, setting up a frog splash for the pin, counted by the guy in the hat. While we’re here, we might as well shave the referee’s head too. The guy in the hat fires the referee too. Dang bad night for him.

Iron Russian #2/Mr. Pittsburgh Stealer/Kevin Sullivan vs. Bill Dundee/El Rey Mascaras/Onyx

The Russian is in a Trump shirt for a funny sight gag (he was probably wearing it earlier too but it was a wide shot). Onyx is wearing a title and has an unnamed woman with him, while Dundee is in traditional trunks that he shouldn’t probably be wearing at 75 years old. We get the Big Match Intros and Onyx is the other half of the Ohio State Tag Team Champions.

Sullivan and Dundee lock up to start with Dundee punching him in the face to knock away Sullivan’s spike. Now the bell rings and they throw some pretty horrible looking punches in the corner with Dundee getting the better of things. The Russian comes in for some cheap shots but gets pulled down into a quickly broken armbar. It’s off to Onyx for a hard clothesline into a snap suplex but the Russian runs over Mascaras.

A dropkick puts the Russian down again but it’s off to the Stealer (yes Stealer) to work on Mascaras’ arm. The Stealer gets two off a big boot and an elbow is good for the same. Sullivan comes in to stay on the arm and it’s time to stay on the cheating from the villains. The Stealer grabs a chinlock but Mascaras is up in a hurry. Some running knees connect in the corner and it’s back to Onyx to throw Stealer around. Mascaras is back in with a sunset flip to pin Stealer out of nowhere 6:06.

Rating: D. That was a really weird one and I’m not sure what they were trying to do out there. I know Sullivan and Dundee (with the younger of them at 69 years old) can’t be doing much here with Mascaras being beaten down for a little while but then the good guys come back and win without much effort and out of absolutely nowhere. It was almost to the point where it seemed like the pin wasn’t supposed to take place there, which isn’t impossible.

Post match everyone looks a little confused so yeah maybe that wasn’t the planned finish. Hold on as Sullivan says that doesn’t count for some reason so we ring the bell again. Stealer hammers away on Mascaras but gets sunset flipped again for the pin in about 15 seconds. The villains attack again but this time Onyx cleans house.

Big Jim Hines Memorial Battle Royal

Onyx, El Rey Mascaras, Eric Fallen, Iron Russian #1, Iron Russian #2, Luis Casanova, Mecha Mercenary, Tony Crawford

Jim Hines is Bobby Fulton’s real name though since he’s alive, I’m going to assume it’s Bobby’s father or brother. The bell rings and the camera starts circling the arena for a rather weird view. The camera finally settles down to a still but somewhat wide shot as everyone chokes and teases eliminations on the ropes. Fallen is sent over the top but manages to save himself. Russian #1 is clotheslined out and Rey Mascaras is knocked out off camera.

Casanova charges at the rather large Mercenary and gets backdropped out as the eliminations have started in a hurry. Crawford is out at the same time and we’re down to four with Onyx, Mercenary, Russian #2 and Fallen. Make that three as Russian #3 charges at Onyx and is out in a hurry. Fallen charges at Onyx and is taken out as well, leaving us with the two big guys. Mercenary’s clotheslines don’t do much but Onyx’s big clothesline knocks him down. Onyx is knocked into the corner but ducks a charge to put Mercenary out for the win at 5:43.

Rating: D. Yeah this didn’t work, which isn’t exactly surprising. You can’t do much with an eight man battle royal with less than six minutes. If nothing else it doesn’t exactly make it seem all that important if they are going to get in an out of there that fast. Nothing to see here, but a battle royal is going to be a good way to draw some fans into the building.

We now pause for awards to be presented to Fred and Nick Curry (famous wrestler and I’m assuming his grandson, also a wrestler). They don’t actually get in the ring so I’m not sure how big of a deal this is.

Nick is ready for the match, which will be Bobby Fulton’s last match.

And now, here’s Jim Cornette with a plaque. He introduces Bobby Eaton, Fred Curry and James J. Dillon, who are all here to celebrate Bobby Fulton’s final match. Cornette brings out Fulton to give him the plaque, despite all of the horrible things that Fulton has done to him over the years. They have been friends for 37 years though and Fulton has always been a friend of wrestling.

Fulton’s family (I believe sons, including the guy with the hat) comes in with him and Cornette gives Bobby a plaque for forty years in wrestling. Bobby holds up the plaque and gives a speech which is drowned out by the applause. He has someone else get in and it looks a lot like Brian Pillman Jr. (who does live near Ohio and seems to have wrestled for the promotion). They all pose for a picture in a nice moment. There’s nothing wrong with a legends ceremony, especially with people who clearly care about Fulton like Cornette does.

FBI vs. 5 Most Wanted

5 Most Wanted’s Tag Team Titles (might be the Vendetta Pro Wrestling International Tag Team Titles) are not on the line. It’s Tracy Smothers/Tommy Rich for the FBI as ECW continues to live. The 5 Most Wanted are Sean Casey (OVW mainstay back around 2000/2001) and Cody Hawk (who trained Jon Moxley), with Shawna Reed, David J, Jon Murray and Tomi Angel, because the 5 Most Wanted has six people and we need two people named Tommy/Tomi in one match.

The FBI coming out to Stayin Alive is a lot more appropriate now that Smothers (who dances during his entrance) seems to be doing better with his cancer. Casey and Rich start things off and, after over a minute and a half of stalling, they lock up. Rich punches his way out of the corner and clotheslines an invading Hawk. It’s off to Smothers for two off a double back elbow but Hawk gets in a cheap shot from the apron, allowing the rest of the 5 Most Wanted to get in some choking from the floor.

Smothers gets beaten up in the corner but comes back with the karate, only to get knocked into the wrong corner again. Rich gets drawn in to keep up the double teaming but Smothers avoids a shot and brings him in legally. Everything breaks down and some right hands set up a double whip to send the Most Wanted into each other. Stereo rollups give the FBI the double pin at 4:53.

Rating: D. This was another hard one to watch as the FBI wasn’t exactly looking great, though to be fair this was about the nostalgia and fun entrance than anything else. Also, it wasn’t supposed to be anything more than a five minute punch and kick match. It was what I was expecting, but that doesn’t mean it was the easiest thing to watch.

Post match the FBI bails while 5 Most Wanted freaks out and then poses for a photo (seems to be their thing).

Here are Shane Douglas and Robby Starr with Shane talking about ECW and his history with Gary Wolfe. Shane injured Wolfe’s neck in ECW and caused him to be put in a halo for three months. Tonight, the beating will be even worse, even in this horrible town.

Shane Douglas vs. Gary Wolfe

Shane has Robby Starr in his corner and Ronnie Garvin is the guest enforcer on the floor (looking GREAT for 73 years old). This is billed as an ECW Unfinished Business match, making me wonder what the statute of limitations is on unfinished business. They shake hands to start but Wolfe cranks on the hand to send Shane bailing to the floor. Shane is sent into the apron and they fight into the crowd with Wolfe throwing a chair at him.

The camera loses them as they go to the other side of the building but we catch up with Wolfe throwing a trashcan at him and then sending Shane into various things. They get back in the ring for a change with Shane using the rope to get in a low blow and take over. The neck crank goes on Wolfe, followed by a camel clutch to mix things up a bit. Wolfe fights up with some headbutts but Starr grabs him. Shane almost crashes into him but manages to kick out of Wolfe’s rollup. Garvin knocks Starr cold to a big pop, leaving Shane to avoid a charge and grab a rollup with feet on the ropes for the pin at 6:54.

Rating: D+. This was another rough watch but it was FAR easier than watching the guys in their 60s out there. These guys could still move around well enough to not embarrass themselves and I can’t even imagine some of the people on the roster having a match like this. It’s not good, but at least it was better than some of the other things on this show.

Abyss vs. Barbarian

Monster’s Ball and the pairing alone got my attention. Abyss is waiting with a stick but Barbarian throws a chair down because he isn’t scared of a monster. They slug it out to start and then trade shoulders. Barbarian clotheslines him to the floor where Abyss wins a fight and Barbarian gets chopped by a guy with a bowtie. Abyss gets held for some chops from fans but he reverses a whip to send Barbarian through some chairs.

Some golf club shots have Barbarian in trouble but he’s right back with the elbows. The crowd stands up so we can’t see everything going on until they get back inside. Abyss busts out Janice (board with spikes sticking out), which gets caught in the turnbuckle, as always. Barbarian kendo sticks him a few times but walks into a chair shot to the back. Another one to the head sets up a chokeslam onto the chair to give Abyss the pin at 7:47.

Rating: C-. Never let it be said that Barbarian isn’t willing to get in a brawl at his age. This wasn’t exactly revolutionary as has been the case for years with Monster’s Ball, but it is nice to see Barbarian in the ring again. There is something impressive about someone with a basic gimmick who has made it last for that long. You know what you’re getting with Barbarian (it’s right in the name) and it worked out fine enough here.

We have a raffle drawing for something.

Bobby Fulton vs. Nick Curry

Nick has his father (I think) Fred Curry with him while Fulton has a bunch of his family, including (I’m pretty sure) Brian Pillman Jr. This is billed as Fulton’s retirement match, which wouldn’t quite wind up being true but it’s a nice idea. Granted I’ll like anyone who comes out to Gonna Fly Now and then switches to Eye of the Tiger. Curry drops to the mat before getting back up for the lockup. Back up and they go with the grappling until Fulton grabs a headlock, followed by a few shoulders.

Rating: C. All things considered, this wasn’t too bad at all, with Fulton looking like he can still do all the basics. It also helps when the fans treat him like a major star, which is the most important thing you can have in a match like this. If the fans aren’t caring about your main event, you aren’t going to get much else out of the match, so it was nice to see the fans reacting to Fulton so strongly. Curry looked young but you can see how well trained he has been as he seemed perfectly comfortable out there.

Gary Wolfe/Robby Starr vs. Bobby Fulton/Nick Curry

Fulton beats up Starr to start and it’s quickly off to Curry to take him down. A hiptoss into a dropkick gets two on Starr and it’s time to bail to the floor. Fulton goes outside to post Wolfe and Nick slugs away at Starr. It’s back to Fulton but Wolfe gets in a cheap shot from the apron to put him down. A spinwheel kick puts Starr down though and the hot tag brings Nick back in to clean house. Fulton sends Wolfe outside, leaving Nick to crossbody Starr for the pin at 3:49.

Rating: C-. This was a lot better to watch than some of the other matches involving legends as they didn’t stay out there very long and Fulton can still move well enough. It helps that they had some others in there who could do some other things, as Fulton can only do so much on his own. It wasn’t a good match by any stretch, but it was quick and gave the fans what they wanted to see so not too bad.

Post match Fulton seems to have hurt his ankle and has to be checked on by the medics. Fulton gets back up for a THANK YOU BOBBY chant. Bobby thanks the fans and Nick Curry to a big reaction.

Fulton, with a customized title, thanks the fans and says he’s tired of young people disrespecting the business because it has been great to him for 41 years. Take care of the business because it isn’t going to take care of you.

Overall Rating: C-. This is a fine example of a situation where you need to remember what you were watching. This wasn’t WWE, AEW, Ring of Honor or anything close to it. The point here was a (mostly) family friendly wrestling show where you could probably take a family of four out to a 3+ hour show, get Cokes and hot dogs and be out for about $75. That’s not a bad night of entertainment and there was a little something for everyone.

The show had some legends who have probably been friends of Fulton for years and that’s all it needed to be. They weren’t trying to reinvent the wheel here and while the show wasn’t great, it did exactly what it was trying to do. It seemed to work out as well as there was a nice crowd around the show could have been MUCH worse. It’s not a great show or anything, but it was perfectly acceptable for what it was.

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Smackdown
Date: May 15, 2003
Location: 1^st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Judgment Day and I have my notebook ready for all the questions I have regarding the Mr. America storyline. Given how little sense the whole thing makes if you listen to what everyone says, I’m likely to leave far more confused than I was when I came in. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Vince McMahon opens things up and he’s SURE who Mr. America is. No one could possibly question the fact that Mr. America is Hulk Hogan. See, Mr. America doesn’t uphold traditional American values because he’s deceiving everyone around here. After pausing for the WHAT chants, Vince complains about Hogan getting two checks (which would likely be signed by Vince himself, making me wonder who he signs American’s checks to) and on top of that, Mr. America doesn’t care that he batters women.

We see a clip of America knocking Vince into Stephanie, though Vince blames her for it just as much. He’s not going to deal with Hogan himself though because we’re having an open contract at Judgment Day with someone getting to deal with Hogan him/themselves. Cue the FBI of all people with Nunzio offering their services to deal with Mr. America. He even has a video resume of their greatest hits and Johnny promises to be on Hogan like baked on ziti. They’ll go talk about it over coffee while Palumbo has a match.

This was WAY too long and really just established that America will have a match on Sunday and the FBI of all people are getting involved. The FBI isn’t interesting and are just a step above a Three Stooges sketch. Ignoring the fact that they might make for a better match for Mr. American than Vince or Roddy Piper, this was a really long waste of time.

Chuck Palumbo vs. Rikishi

Palumbo stomps away in the corner but accidentally hits Johnny in the face. A belly to belly gives Rikishi two but Johnny trips him up again. The superkick gives Palumbo two, only to have Rikishi’s version knock him into the corner. Johnny breaks up the Stinkface and gets pulled inside, allowing Palumbo to hit a second superkick (in just over three minutes) for the pin.

Rating: D-. So Rikishi is now dealing with the FBI and having bad matches at the same time. At least it’s better than wasting people like Chris Benoit on them, though it would be nice if Benoit actually had anything interesting to do at the moment. At least he wouldn’t use three superkicks in the same match. He’s not a Young Buck after all.

Post match Brock Lesnar arrives and comes to the ring to give Palumbo an F5 in retaliation for last week.

Stephanie cuts Brock off in the back and explains a stretcher match to him in that classic Stephanie style of speech that no one ever uses in the real world. I know most wrestlers do that but no one can make it sound as robotic as she can.

Mr. America visited some wounded troops.

Torrie Wilson comes out to show us one bikini she’s considering for Sunday. As usual she looks great but I still don’t know why I’m supposed to want to pay to see her in another one when she’s in Playboy at the moment.

Stephanie is admiring two sets of flowers (one red and yellow, the other red and white) when Vince comes in. He would have gotten Mr. America’s mask off last week if not for her screwing up so he accepts her apology. She’s not apologizing though because she’s gotten flowers from Hogan and America. Stephanie is leaving because Vince has everything under control tonight. Vince breaks both vases.

Clip of Rey Mysterio being injured at Backlash. He’s back for an interview tonight.

Cruiserweight Title: Matt Hardy vs. Tajiri

Matt, who thinks Tajiri weighs too much to be a cruiserweight and can eat more sushi than him, is defending with Shannon Moore and Crash in his corner. Tajiri snapmares him down to start but gets jumped from behind. The kicks have Matt in trouble but Tajiri has to deal with Shannon, allowing Matt to hang him over the top rope. The Side Effect sets up an abdominal stretch from the champ, only to have Tajiri kick him down again. Rapid fire strikes have Matt in trouble and there’s the handspring elbow for good measure. Crash breaks up the Tarantula though and it’s the Twist of Fate to retain Matt’s title.

Rating: D+. Perfectly fine match here but there’s only so much you can do with four minutes and three people fighting Tajiri at the same time. Tajiri continues to be one of the most consistent guys on the roster and could do a lot more if he was given the chance. At least he did well while he was out there.

Matt says he has the Mattributes to take care of Mr. America because that story is now invading the cruiserweights.

Eddie Guerrero, wearing the gold medal, is talking to a framed Kurt Angle photo and talks about Chavo being injured in a match overseas. There’s no reason to worry though because he’s Latino Heat. He even puts a mustache and beard on Angle’s face.

Stephanie runs into Mr. America as she’s leaving and asks him to thank Hogan for him. She even throws in a kiss on the cheek.

John Cena vs. Chris Benoit

Cena wants to face Mr. America so he can turn him back into the Hulk so quick you’ll think his name is Bill Bixby. As for Benoit, instead of the Canadian Crippler, he’ll be the crippled Canadian. Benoit wastes no time in driving him into the corner before getting one off a backbreaker. A heck of a chop has Cena clutching his chest but he’s still able to send Benoit shoulder first into the post. The ensuing armbar makes sense but Benoit is right back up with a chop and a snap suplex.

Cue the FBI to distract Benoit so Cena can knock him outside, earning themselves a quick ejection. Back from a break with Cena holding a chinlock and getting two off a shoulder. Cena stomps on the leg but gets sent into the middle buckle off a drop toehold. There’s the first German suplex into the Swan Dive but Nunzio runs in. Benoit gets rid of him in a hurry and reverses the FU into the Crossface, only to have Johnny the Bull come in for the DQ.

Rating: C. What does it say that this is pretty easily the best match I’ve seen on WWE TV this week? Above all else, it’s two guys having a match and actually trying for a change, which is a lot more than you can say about almost anything that happens on Raw. Is it that much to ask for some effort in these matches?

Rhyno and Spanky come in to help Benoit clean house.

Video on the UK tour.

It’s time for Piper’s Pit with Sean O’Haire backing Piper again. Piper talks about the contract because this is the biggest story in the world at the moment. Some people want to collect the bounty for their careers and some people want to do it to suck up to Vince. Well Piper is going to do it because he hates Hogan.

This brings out Mr. America, who hands the flag to a guy in the front row, which sounds like a plot point. America gets why Piper has issues with Hogan because he remembers Hogan beating Piper up when he was a kid. He’s cool with the match with Piper because I guess Mr. America gets to decide who collects bounties on him. Piper says Hogan has never beaten him 1-2-3 (yes he has) and goes on a rant about the kid waving the flag. Sean goes outside to deal with the kid, allowing Piper to jump America from behind.

America fights back but Sean makes the save, only to have the fan jump the barricade and prevent the mask from being taken off. A spear takes the fan down and Piper chokes away, only to yank off his artificial leg. That freaks Piper out and the villains leave. Oh don’t worry about it. Nash did it on purpose in 1996 and he’s main eventing the pay per view on Sunday. Sean even yells at Piper because cheating on your wife or whatever his thing of the week was ok but attacking an adult fan who jumped you from behind? Not cool bro.

After the entrances to the next match, Vince yells at Piper and O’Haire for messing with a fan like that. Sean: “Mr. McMahon, I had nothing to do with this.” YOU SPEARED HIM DOWN SO PIPER COULD BEAT HIM UP! Vince tells them to stay there while he makes up his mind about what he’s going to do. Piper stands there, which is way out of character for him. Vince leaves and Sean blames Piper for what happened because his career is on the line.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Eddie Guerrero

Eddie has the picture of Angle and comes out in a sombrero. Shelton takes Eddie down and yells a lot before hitting a forearm to the face. A chinlock slows things down but Eddie is right back up with a middle rope hurricanrana. One heck of a powerbomb plants Eddie for two but also kickstarts his comeback with a couple of dropkicks. Right hands in the corner set up the rolling suplexes but here’s Charlie Haas with a ladder. The distraction lets Shelton hit a superkick for the pin. That’s totally different than the finish to the opener. This one had a ladder you see.

Rating: D+. Not enough time to mean anything and having the same finish used in two out of four matches is about as pitiful as you can get. Agents should be smarter than that and able to come up with a better finish. If nothing else just ask Eddie what he thinks would work here, as I’m sure he can come up with something other than distraction into a superkick.

Eddie fights them both off and busts the picture over Shelton’s head.

Piper and O’Haire haven’t moved when Vince comes back in. He buys Sean caring about what happened (as the most interesting part of his character is erased) but Piper doesn’t care at all. That’s just what Vince wants though and that’s why he’s facing Hogan on Sunday. My goodness they’re actually going there and Vince is actually saying Piper is better than John Cena, the Cruiserweight Champion (and his minions) or the FBI. And people wonder why the future was so bleak.

And now, the Miss Elizabeth piece from Confidential. She passed away from a cause that wasn’t determined yet (because it was less than two weeks ago when this aired) and Vince says she was just a commodity in WCW. They talk about her career, the battery charges from Lex Luger, and then her death. In probably the lowest point since….oh I’d think the Melanie Pillman interview, we hear the actual 911 call of Luger saying she wasn’t breathing. I’m not even sure how to respond to that so we’ll move on. This is of course edited off the Network version.

And now, after hearing a 911 call of a woman dying earlier in the month, Sable comes out and shows off her own bikini. Now pay up if you want to see it again!

Pay per view rundown.

It’s time for the Mysterio interview. First of all, he’ll be back in the ring in a few weeks and he wants the Cruiserweight Title. He didn’t think he’d be able to wrestle again and he wondered if that was it when he was laying in the ambulance. Rey isn’t sure about ever facing Big Show again….and Big Show kidnaps him.

Post break Show brings Rey out to the ring while carrying a backboard in the other hand. Rey tries to fight back and manages a 619, only to get caught in something like a Samoan drop. Lesnar runs out to save Rey from the chokeslam and beats Show down with the board. The F5 connects but Tazz sees a problem: Show is too big to be put on a stretcher! HOW WILL BROCK SURVIVE??? Rey adds in a bulldog to drop Show and then hides behind Brock to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. I only have one question this week: how did the Mr. America storyline manage to take over even more of the show??? Lesnar vs. Big Show isn’t interesting but I’ll take it over America vs. Piper and Vince running down most of his heels to say that Piper is the best option he has to take Hogan out. There was some passable wrestling on the show this week but the stories are just killing anything that might be seen as positive. Another bad show this week as Mr. America vs. Vince is swallowing the show alive.

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Smackdown
Date: April 24, 2003
Location: Gaylord Entertainment Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Backlash and we have a Smackdown main event. This time around it’s going to be rookie upstart John Cena challenging Brock Lesnar for the Smackdown World Title, meaning it’s likely time for a big face to face showdown. Other than that it’s Rikishi vs. Roddy Piper tonight for reasons I don’t even want to begin to understand. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

The announcers preview the show with Cole making sure to say that “we are just 72 hours away, three days, from Backlash”. I have that 72 hours, three days thing burned into my head after hearing Cole say it all those years.

John Cena vs. Rhyno

Before the match, Cena raps his history, which basically summarizes the tournament and says he’s winning on Sunday. He also promises graphic footage to prove that Lesnar shouldn’t be champion. Rhyno wins the early power battle and sends him outside, only to get dropkicked on the way back inside.

A middle rope Fameasser with Rhyno draped over the ropes has Rhyno in trouble and it’s time to start in on the neck. Back in and we hit the armbar for a good bit until Rhyno fights up with a powerslam. The still yet to be named Throwback sets up the ProtoBomb but Rhyno catches him in a spinebuster. The Gore misses though and Cena rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: D+. Just a power match here and I kind of like the idea of Cena making a power guy miss a catch him on a quick pin as it gives him another option to take the title from Lesnar. Unfortunately it wasn’t a great match in the first place, but at least Cena won and beat someone that the fans still care about.

Mr. America is coming.

The FBI annoys Chris Benoit for losing last week when they had a bet on him. They want their money back but Nunzio winds up with a match against Benoit instead.

Sable flaunts her body to Josh Matthews and hypes up the Sable Invitational body contest later tonight.

Some wrestlers toured a Navy ship earlier this week.

Chris Benoit vs. Nunzio

Stamboli and Palumbo get in some shots from behind while Nunzio has the referee. As usual the referee has no issue with Benoit being down despite his opponent not touching him and doesn’t even yell at the other Italians. They trade some chops with the Canadian getting the better of it (well duh) but Palumbo trips Benoit again. The Sicilian Slice (middle rope Fameasser) gives Nunzio two and a swinging neckbreaker is good for the same. An enziguri finally gets Benoit out of trouble and grabs the rolling German suplexes. Nunzio pops up but the springboard armbar is countered into the Crossface for the tap.

Rating: D. I’m hoping they pull the plug on the FBI thing in the very near future as it’s just not interesting. Nunzio is the best worker of the team and even he’s only decent. On top of that, it’s such a simple and not very interesting idea. They’re just stereotypical mob thugs and that’s far from good enough to survive. At least Benoit won though.

Benoit gets beaten down post match.

Tajiri and Funaki watch Rey Mysterio 619 Big Show last week and have a hearty laugh. Cue Big Show to destroy the TV and VCR to blow off some steam.

Rey Mysterio vs. Crash

Crash is now an MF’er, meaning a follower of Matt Hardy, who only uses low fat salad dressings. Tazz dubs Crash a Moore-On as he’s working his way up to MF’er. Rey dropkicks Shannon to the floor but gets armbarred for his efforts. The sitout bulldog is countered with a belly to back suplex (Crash is the first person to come up with that counter?) but the kickouts frustrate Crash. Now the bulldog works fine and the springboard seated senton sets up a tornado DDT to give Rey two. The 619 sets up the springboard legdrop to put Crash away.

Rating: D+. I’m not sure how this is supposed to help Rey get ready for Big Show on Sunday. Crash doesn’t exactly fit the mold for a goon as he wrestled his usual not great match here without looking like anything more than a bad wrestler. This should be setting up Rey vs. Matt but it’s Rey vs. Big Show for reasons I don’t understand.

Cena gives A-Train a pep talk and shows him Lesnar giving him a very scary F5 that saw A-Train landing on his head. That was edited off the actual broadcast if you don’t remember seeing it. A-Train wants to end Lesnar.

Rikishi vs. Roddy Piper

Unfortunately Piper wrestles (work with me here) with his shirt off and the blinded referee doesn’t see Sean O’Haire hit a low blow. Some right hands knock Piper backwards and Sean takes a few of his own but O’Haire comes in to break up the Stinkface for the DQ.

O’Haire beats him down even more and adds the reverse Death Valley Driver.

The evil French guys (now officially La Resistance) are still coming.

It’s time for Sable’s body contest. Before anyone comes out, Sable says this is designed to see if anyone can be as sexy as Torrie. However, Torrie won’t be here tonight because she’s feeling a bit fat lately as she hasn’t been able to get to the gym with all the Playboy stuff. Nidia and Dawn Marie come out and are about to do their thing until Torrie comes out, as expected.

Nidia and Dawn do their thing and get their standard reactions. It’s time for Torrie, who hits on Sable, giving her kind of a standing lap dance, complete with lollipop, and….loses anyway. The beatdown is on and Torrie is left laying as this story is now more confusing than anything else. So Sable is now a lesbian cougar who didn’t interest Torrie but now Torrie is interested (or just playing the proverbial “mind games”) but Sable isn’t interested? Is that where we are?

Chavo Guerrero vs. Shelton Benjamin

Team Angle is dedicating their win on Sunday to Kurt. Shelton takes him down without too much effort but lets Chavo up pretty quickly. Chavo scores with a dropkick and a clothesline as Tazz thinks Eddie stole money from him. Why were Los Guerreros never accused of stealing the FBI’s money a few weeks back? It’s kind of their thing to do.

Chavo’s hurricanrana gets two but he walks into a belly to belly for the same. A quickly broken camel clutch doesn’t do Shelton much good as Chavo grabs a flapjack. An STF that John Cena would think looks bad has Shelton in trouble but Charlie Haas pulls him over to the rope. The referee yells at Eddie for going after Haas, allowing Charlie to turn over a rollup and give Shelton the pin.

Rating: C-. They tried to put a bit too much into this and it wasn’t as good as I was expecting. At least they actually set up something for Sunday as that hasn’t seemed to be the case for most of the night. Chavo is the weaker of the team but he’s certainly capable of having a good match. There was a bit too much interference to let that work here though and it was kind of a mess as a result.

Cena talks trash to Lesnar.

Big Show vs. Tajiri

Show catches him without much trouble and a clothesline cuts off the kicks. A charge misses and Show crotches himself, allowing Tajiri to fire off more kicks. Show’s kick drops Tajiri again but here’s Mysterio’s music for a distraction. Not that it matters as the chokeslam plants Tajiri. Cue Rey in person to post Show, drawing a countout.

Rating: D-. So let me make sure I’ve got this straight: Show has been humiliated twice in a row and is likely to squash Mysterio on Sunday, Rey is little more than a fly who is going to be swatted in the actual match, Tajiri gets treated like a jobber and Mysterio/Tajiri beating Team Angle to start the whole thing meant nothing at all. If someone would be interested in pointing out a positive in this whole mess, please let me know.

Stephanie McMahon is bent over a table for no apparent reason other than she probably thought she looked good that day (granted she’s not wrong). She’s an All-American girl and is happy to have Mr. America here next week.

Backlash rundown.

Brock Lesnar vs. A-Train

Non-title with Cena on commentary. Lesnar’s pyro when he jumps to the apron seems to shake Cena, which you don’t see very often. Joined in progress after a break with an exchange of power shoves. We hit a front facelock with Brock rolling A-Train around like he’s not even there. Back up and a big collision puts both of them down and it’s another staredown.

Brock finally gets a more definitive advantage by clotheslining A-Train to the floor, allowing Cena to trash talk even more. The distraction lets A-Train kick him in the face to take over, followed by the chinlock. Brock fights up but gets puts right back down with a hard shoulder. A powerslam works a bit better for Lesnar, only to have A-Train grab the Derailer for two. Cena: “WHAT’S UP WITH CHIODA DOG??? WAY OUT OF POSITION!” The F5 plants A-Train a few seconds later but Cena comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D. Slow, plodding power match here with an obvious and dull ending. Lesnar winning is fine and A-Train got in some big shots despite having no change to win. There’s no hiding the fact that Lesnar vs. Cena is the only Smackdown match that matters on Sunday but it’s looking like little more than a glorified squash. Bad main event to a bad show.

Cena chains Lesnar in the head and hits the Death Valley Driver (now the standard AA). A belt shot to Lesnar’s head ends the show.

Overall Rating: F+. The best thing on the show was a lackluster Chavo vs. Shelton match as it’s clear that the Smackdown side of Backlash means absolutely nothing. Brock vs. Cena is the distant third biggest match on the pay per view card and everything else is complete filler. This show did nothing to shake that idea as the whole thing was Lesnar vs. Cena and everything else, none of which was interesting in the slightest. It was a terrible show and another part of a horrid stretch for the brand.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

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");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ennir|var|u0026u|referrer|rennh||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Rulz 2000
Date: October 1, 2000
Location: Roy Wilkins Auditorium, Saint Paul, Minnesota
Attendance: 4,600
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

Joey and Joel are in the ring to open things up and Joel gets through his rhyme (sans swearing for once, this time about being with women of all races and thankfully not having 27 children) before throwing us to the opening video. More from them later.

Joey Matthews/Christian York vs. Roadkill/Danny Doring

York counters a slingshot into the corner into a bouncing legdrop, only to have Roadkill pop up and slam both guys down. Matthews and York stay on the monster but Doring gets a hot tag and helps Roadkill with a Hart Attack to Joey. Doring is sent over the top rope and comes down on his arm, followed by double suicide dives from the young guys. Back inside and a double powerbomb drops Doring, but Matthews and York turn around into the springboard clothesline from Roadkill.

Roadkill and Doring help up Matthews and York in a nice display of sportsmanship. Simon and Swinger come in and clean house with chairs before leaving Doring laying. That sounds like a decent feud but they need to have something to fight over.

Joel Gertner vs. EZ Money

Kid Kash vs. EZ Money

If Kash wins, Joel gets to fight Cyrus. Money jumps Kash before the bell but Kash comes back with some fast armdrags to send Money out to the floor. Hamrick and Dinero get nailed as well but the distraction lets Money sneak in from behind. Money picks up Kash for a suplex but lets him fall backwards and crash down to the mat for two. A charge goes badly for Money as he falls onto his partners, setting up huge springboard flip dive from Kash to take out everyone.

Joel Gertner vs. Cyrus

Joel jumps him to start before taking off his shirt to reveal Kamala (old Ugandan savage) chest paint. Cyrus trips him up and chops in the corner but Sandman spits beer in his face, allowing Gertner to get a rollup for the fluke pin. This was harmless fun.

Kash, Sandman, Gertner and Spike drink beer.

Da Baldies vs. Balls Mahoney/Chilly Willy

Lou E. Dangerously lays out Gertner with his phone. Joey goes after him and we cut to interviews.

Cyrus replaces Joel on commentary.

C.W. Anderson vs. Steve Corino

Chairs are brought in and Corino gets in a quick shot to the head to take over. C.W. is busted open and a kick to the face makes things worse. We hear about a recent match where Corino almost beat Justin for the World Title which is one of the few reasons why Corino is in this spot despite his win/loss record. Anderson nails Corino with the chair to take over and bust Steve open. Anderson wedges a chair in the corner and sends Corino arm first into the steel to give him a target.

The Sinister Minister is with the Unholy Alliance and their book on witchcraft sets itself on fire.

Tag Team Titles: FBI vs. Unholy Alliance

The Whippersnapper gets two as Big Sal pulls the referee to the floor. The Minister tries to go after Sal and gets crushed against the barricade. Guido sends Mikey outside and Sal throws in a belt, only to have Tajiri take it away and pelt it at Sal. An Asai Moonsault puts Sal down again but Guido nails Mikey with a title belt, setting up a kind of double powerbomb for the pin to retain.

Rating: C+. The match was so much better because it actually meant something. Just having the title back is a great feeling and now all those other matches could build up to another title match. I have no idea why Heyman waited so long to bring the belts back but it came at a good time with the tag division being deeper than it has been in years.

TV Title: Rhino vs. Rob Van Dam

Rob checks on Alfonso after the match and realizes how bad he might be hurt.

We look at a lot of replays and Joey claims a fast count. That may be the case, but ECW referees always counted their pins faster than the average referee.

The announcers hype up the main event to kill more time.

ECW World Title: Jerry Lynn vs. Justin Credible

Justin is defending and comes out in a Bret Favre Green Bay Packers jersey (big rival to the Minnesota Vikings) for the easy heat. Francine has taped up ribs. Lynn is the hometown boy and gets the reaction to go with it. They start slow and head to the mat where an armdrag frustrates Justin out to the floor for an argument with a fan. Back in and they trade chops with Lynn getting the better of it. Neither guy can hit their finisher so Jerry settles for a middle rope bulldog and a headlock.

Lynn grabs a DDT to plant Justin on the chair for a delayed two. Credible comes back with a front facelock as the fans get on his nerves. He stops and grabs a mic to talk trash about Lynn and Minneapolis, causing the fans to throw in a bunch of beer cups. Back to the front facelock after that minute and a half were wasted. They trade near falls for two each until Justin hits that running release DDT to take over.

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