Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1996 (Original): There’s Something To This Shawn Guy

Royal Rumble 1996
Date: January 21, 1996
Location: Selland Arena, Fresno, California
Attendance: 9,600
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect

Well it’s a year later and the roster is more or less the same. There are a few changes though. The biggest is Shawn has finally given up and turned face thank goodness and Taker is back in the title hunt. Bret has the title again and is facing him in the main event. Other than that, there’s a few new guys but a lot of this is the same. Nitro has debuted so the war has almost started.

The rest of the card looks similar to what we had last year with all three titles on the line plus the Rumble and one other match, but this just looks miles more interesting for some reason. The Rumble roster still looks weak but far better than it did before. This flat out can’t be less interesting than last year so let’s go.

I almost forgot: Shawn has been out with a ton of injuries including the concussion kick from Owen and tonight is his big return, so that’s easily your biggest story of the night here.

Oh yeah and a guy named Hunter Hearst Helmsley debuted. A bald guy from Texas is here too. They’ll never mean a thing.

There was a preshow match with HHH vs. Duke Droese. The winner got 30 and the loser got #1. Amazingly, HHH lost so there we are.

Sunny is in a bathtub and says that tonight’s show is viewer discretion advised. My goodness she was perfect. Anyway, Bret vs. Taker is previewed, along with a few other matches. There’s a picture of Razor hitting a belly to back suplex off the middle rope on someone. That someone: Jeff Hardy. Oh yeah and there’s that Rumble thing too. Finally, there’s talk of some monster showing up tonight. Some guy called Vader I think.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Ahmed Johnson

Ahmed is a relative rookie here, having been around for just a few months here. In other words, this should be a slaughter. This is fallout from Jarrett breaking a gold record over Ahmed’s head at the previous In Your House. I love how I now have seen that match and reviewed it as it ties things together a bit. In case you’ve never seen him, Ahmed is a freaking tank.

He’s more cut up than Ezekiel Jackson and even scarier looking. The only problem was he wasn’t as talented either. He’s killing Jarrett though so there we are. He was supposed to become world champion actually but he couldn’t stay healthy. There have been a ton of clotheslines in this match to say the least. I don’t mean a bunch in a row, but a bunch over a fairly spread out period of time.

Why is it that when something happens it’s unbelievable to Vince? He saw it happen so apparently it’s not too farfetched. Johnson is hulking up. That can’t be a good sign. Jarrett continues to imitate Ric Flair without the success by getting Ahmed in the figure four. You know considering how awesome Ahmed was, this is just really boring.

After powering out of that, Jarrett goes to the top with the guitar and El Kabong is enough for the DQ. Ahmed just stood there and waited to get hit in the head. Jarrett leaves and of course Ahmed is up in about 18 seconds and not even shaking it off. That was odd.

Rating: D+. Uh yeah. I’m not sure what to say about this one as it just wasn’t that good at all. Ahmed wasn’t really sloppy, but he certainly was limited. I’m not entirely sure why they had Jarrett not get pinned here. He really had nothing to lose here as he would be gone less than ten months later. Ahmed was supposed to look great here but he just didn’t, plain and simple. This is more of a headscratcher than anything else.

Buy WWF stuff, t-shirts in this case.

Billy and Bart, looking straight out of the 70s and 80s say they’re going to keep their titles. My goodness they were so painfully bland it’s painful.

Diesel says heelish things despite still being a face officially I guess. He mentions not having a problem with Taker, and we have a feud on the rise.

Tag Titles: Smoking Guns vs. Body Donnas

Sunny was hotter than anything on the planet, period. The Body Donnas are Tom Pritchard and Chris Candido, more commonly known as Chris Candido. Sunny starts off in the ring by saying ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages. Holy stolen ring intro in a few years. Sunny of course gets the biggest pop of everyone. She’s 23 here and was screwing Bret Hart at the time, so there we are.

We get an upskirt shot of Sunny which leaves Perfect speechless. In case you can’t tell, no one cares about the match but only Sunny. She really was excellent at getting all of the attention on her which is very good to be able to do. The Guns are giants compared to the heels. After the Donnas desperately try (and fail) to take over, Sunny is knocked to the floor. The only good thing is a nice back shot but whatever.

Perfect: she could have been hurt! Vince: she may be hurt! Thanks for being original McMahon. Naturally she was faking (don’t you hate when women do that?) and the Donnas get the advantage. Vince calls Zip Flip so there we are: we have found a gimmick so bad that even Vince McMahon can’t remember their stupid names. In a cool spot, Zip hooks his partner in a gutwrench release powerbomb (think Jack Swagger’s move but he just lets the guy go) onto Billy.

That was different as Perfect says. Since this match has been the most intelligent of all time, we have another odd spot as Skip runs into Zip and Zip is knocked into Billy so everyone is down. It leads to the cold tag to Bart who cleans house. Vince says he hits Skip or Zip or whatever his name is. Since it’s 1996, we can’t have a regular ending, so instead the Guns hit the Sidewinder (backbreaker/leg drop from the top) but Sunny distracts the referee.

In a bad looking spot, Billy sees Skip on the top rope clearly, but goes after Sunny instead. It was one of those moments that wasn’t supposed to look bad but accidentally did. The Donnas go for a double suplex but Billy spears one of them so that Bart lands on the other guy for the pin. Yep, that was stupid.

Rating: D. This show really isn’t starting out well at all. This was somehow worse than the previous match. Literally, looking at Sunny is all that this is good for. The match itself is just bad, the booking is weird and the ending leaves something to be desired. The Guns would forfeit the belts in about a month due to injury and the Donnas would get them in a tournament just before Mania, as in about 20 minutes before.

We see a big thing of the Billionaire Ted skits. These were funny at the time, but allegedly they ticked off Ted Turner so much that he revamped WCW, so in essence they nearly killed Vince’s company. There we go then.

Recap of Razor vs. Goldust. In essence, Goldust wants Razor, as in the way I want Ellen Page, so that apparently made Razor put the title on the line. Yeah that makes perfect sense.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Razor Ramon

Goldust debuted the night before Ahmed so there we are. Hey did you know that Goldust is bizarre? We need to make sure you know that he’s bizarre. Vince says don’t adjust your televisions. I’ve never gotten that expression. How many people actually get up and adjust televisions? What was going to go wrong with it in the last 10 seconds or so since the last segment ended?

Are we supposed to believe that it wasn’t right before? Also, if you have a really fuzzy picture and you had really bad eyesight, would it eventually look normal? Apparently the noise at the beginning of Razor’s music is from screeching tires. What vehicle is making that noise? This is Marlena’s debut as well. She looked really good back at this point.

In a funny moment, Vince goes over the rules to how you win a title and Perfect almost yells about how he’s won the title twice so why does he need to have it explained to him? That’s a really funny point when you think about it very little. Goldy grabs Razor’s chest a few minutes in so there we go. When asked about what he would do against Goldust, Perfect replies with kick him in the face.

I love Mr. Perfect, if nothing else for the rampant sex jokes and innuendos he’s dropping here. At one point when they’re fighting on the floor someone shouts out that Marlena has a nice rack, which is very true. This match seems like it keeps starting and stopping. They’ll do a bit and then Goldust will go all freaky. That’s fine for character development, but it makes for some bad matches which is what’s happening here.

We do however get a cool spot as Goldust hits a slingshot belly to back suplex that I’ve never seen before. Other than that though, there’s just not a lot to talk about here. Finally Goldust takes over, but still there’s no flow to this match. It’s hard to put into words, but you would know what I meant if you say it. Something just doesn’t feel right about it as it just looks choppy for lack of a better word.

On top of that he keeps groping and molesting Razor. That’s just annoying. Can you imagine in wrestling related anything someone that was constantly making gay references and puns and actions? It would drive me crazy. Anyway, it’s a sleeper and a standard comeback by the face.

Oh the fans are mostly dead for this. No Monty Python jokes here by the way. After some Terri interference, the 1-2-3 Kid comes in and heads to the top for a spin kick that clearly misses but I guess the air from it knocks out Razor for Goldust to get the pin.

Rating: D. Uh yeah, this sucked too. I don’t get it. For the most part there’s been talented guys in every match but nothing at all has worked so far. Granted that could be because we’ve had three matches and zero clean endings. Is it that hard to let one guy cleanly beat the other one?

Anyway, like I said earlier this match just feels choppy and it really hurts things. There’s zero flow here and it felt like watching a video game being played where the guy controlling it was just hitting all of the moves he programmed in if that makes sense.

A bunch of people say they’ll win that don’t interest me. Shawn’s doctor says he’s ready to come back.

After the explanation of the rules from Vince (none given to the live crowd), we’re ready to go.

Royal Rumble

HHH is in first and second it Henry Godwin, now rocking the best music in wrestling history: Don’t Go Messin With a Country Boy. These two had a pseudo-rivalry around this time so this works pretty well. We’re back to two minute intervals which almost guarantees a better match. They imply that winning two in a row is almost impossible as Hogan is continually buried.

Backlund is third, completely in his crazy man Presidential candidate (don’t ask) gimmick. Also, how bad of a string of draws does this guy get? The more I see of this guy the more I like him. He’s just amazing considering his age. Backlund still has the Iron Man record at this point. Fourth is Jerry Lawler as I’m already loving these two minute intervals better.

There’s far more time to let people get settled in and it helps a lot. The heat on Lawler is nuts with the Burger King chants. Godwin breaks up a triple team and gets the slop bucket. Everyone gets it at once as they’re on the floor and now we’re back in the ring with a Gallagher reference. Fifth is Bob Holly to fill the jobber quota a bit more. Backlund is on the floor or something I think as he hasn’t been seen in awhile.

He’s not out but he’s not in the ring either. Oh there he is. HHH has jumped twice in this match, which is more than in this decade combined I believe. Mabel, who is still King, is in at 6. He’s gained even more weight here and it even less interesting of a character if that’s possible. HHH is compared to Shawn. Oh dear.

Jake Roberts, on the nostalgia trips to end all nostalgia trips (notice the word choice I used for Jake) is seventh to a solid pop. He lets loose the snake and throws it over Lawler who is of course terrified of snakes. How much of a creep was Roberts? The only people he ever fought were terrified of snakes. That’s just pathetic. Anyway, Lawler hides under the ring as Dory freaking Funk Jr. is #8.

No one knows who he is, which is likely because he’s 56 years old at this point. With the NWA dead at this point, Vince mentions their name on camera. No one has been eliminated yet so we have eight people in and you can recap it yourselves you lazy pests. Jake almost gets a DDT on HHH to a pop but it doesn’t work.

Terry Funk is apparently friends with Bruce Willis. Well ok then. Funk fights Backlund in one of the only encounters you’ll ever see where Bob is ten years younger than the guy he’s fighting. Yokozuna is 9th as we’re way too full here. Those are words I don’t think Yoko ever used. As Backlund has the chicken wing on Funk, Yoko dumps Bob easily to a big pop.

I think he’s just about to or just has turned face. The Kid is tenth as we hit double figures. This hasn’t been bad as it’s pretty clear they’re saving the big guns for the end, but dang those guys are staying in there a long time. It’s not exactly a bad thing, but I’m not sure if I’m sold on it or not.

Razor chases him to the ring as Godwin is eliminated to absolutely zero recognition. I had to rewind it to see where he went out at. Razor chases Kid around for a bit which means nothing in the end. Mo is very annoying to say the least. I think Shane was there as an official to get Razor to the back. Some Japanese wrestler named Omori is number 11. He comes out to the Orient Express’ music, and I don’t have a clue who he is.

Thanks to Wiki, he apparently has a pretty good resume. That’s fine and good, but again we have the same old problem: ALMOST NO ONE KNOWS THAT VINCE. These foreign guys are fine to bring in, but dang it tell us why we should care. Don’t just say he’s a wild man from Japan. We need more than that. Tell us a big name he’s beaten, tell us some titles he’s won, tell us SOMETHING.

I don’t want to have to do a ton of research to figure out who one guy from Japan is in one match. He’s from All Japan Pro, that’s all we get. Even Vince says he doesn’t know a ton about him. Well thanks Vince. Savio Vega is 12th as nothing of note is going on. Dory is out there doing stuff that belongs in the 40s or something which is pretty cool looking.

The saddest part: I doubt half the roster today would be as smooth as he is out there in this match. Yoko puts out Mable and the smarks shed a tear as the completely unimportant Omori is put out by Roberts. To recap, we have HHH, Lawler (hiding under the ring), Holly, Roberts, Funk, Yoko, Kid and Vega in there at the moment. Perfect says he’s tapped into the Superstar line and knows who the next guy is.

Ok wait a minute. So first of all, you can find out the SECRET drawing on the Superstar line? I know they did that last year but I just don’t get what the point is. Why ruin the mystique of one of the biggest matches of the year? Second, you can tap into it? How many science geeks that were watching this (of the 4 or so that were) immediately tried to figure out how to do that? Third, Perfect is on the phone while calling a match? Dude I want that job!

Anyway, 13th is the debuting Vader. At the time, he was a complete monster and rapidly becoming one of the biggest heels in the company. He beats up Holly so he’s a good guy to me. Savio puts out Funk from the apron. Vader of course pulls him back in so there we go. Vader punches Savio, making him dance. Yeah I hate him too. Fourteenth is Doug Gilbert of the USWA, which is Lawler’s company.

Jake sets Vega for the DDT, arguably the most devastating and popular move in company history at that point, so right as he goes for it we cut to Holly trying to dump the Kid. We can see it hit between Holly’s legs and the pop is huge, but of course two career nothings are more important so there we are. In a VERY stupid looking spot, Jake hooks Gilbert for the DDT and then just stares at Vader for at least four seconds and then gets clotheslined over the top. That looked so stupid.

Ok so 15 and 16 are twins called the Squat Team. Yes that’s the best name they could come up with for them. They’re twin 450lb guys from Puerto Rico where they’re called the Headhunters. Ok, so we can’t just call them that generic yet far better name? They last less than two minutes combined as Vader just goes insane on the first one with two punches to knock them both out. That was AWESOME.

As the first one leaves his partner is coming out and they both go to the ring. Vader beats them both up at once until Yoko (still heel apparently) grabs one and is like “Boy get your fatness out of here and make me a sweater” while Vader beats up the other one and is like “BOY go marinate bake me a ham and set the table” and both guys are knocked out.

That was both stupid and pointless which is a nice combination. Oh and just after the first guy came in Doug Gilbert got hit with a freaking AWESOME chokeslam from Vader and thrown out. It looked awesome.

To recap, we have HHH, Lawler (under the ring), Holly, Kid, Vader, Yoko and Vega. Owen is 17th and a major heel at this point due to being the guy that hurt Shawn in the famous enziguri (how in the world is that spelled anyway?) that made Shawn black out. Yoko and Vader just beat the living tar out of Vega and Shawn is 18th as the roof isn’t blown off in the slightest.

There’s a reaction but dang there was nothing impressive about that in the slightest. Vader puts out Savio as Shawn hits HHH. What would the children think??? The crowd is awake but not much beyond that. Vader and Yoko fight at the ropes and Shawn runs up and dumps BOTH of them at once. Ok that was cool looking. The fans are very much insane now. Shawn gorilla presses Kid out in another cool spot.

Vader and Yoko keep fighting as Hakushi is now in to make it him, Shawn, Owen, Holly and HHH as we see the major problem already: it is so completely obvious that Shawn is going to win. Vader comes back in and throws him out to completely silence the crowd. All of a sudden this year that doesn’t count like it used to so Shawn is still in. Gorilla the Commissioner comes down to run off Vader.

Vader would kick dominate him soon which was quite sad. The heel heat on Vader is nuts. Maybe 45 seconds after Hakushi comes in we bring in Tatanka for a one night return for no apparent reason. I’ve always liked that hook of the steel bar that Shawn did. It’s an intelligent counter that works quite well. Owen throws out Hakushi as the Shawn Michaels plus the midcard Rumble continues.

Aldo Montoya is 21st to some of the weirdest music I can ever remember. It’s like techo and tribal mixed and it’s just failing. Shawn finds Lawler under the ring and throws him back in. Sometimes simple heel tactics like that are just made of win. Montoya and Lawler go out almost at the same time as Diesel tries to give Shawn a challenge at 22. I know looking at it now he looks weak but at the time he was a major player still so this was a big deal. He puts Tatanka out with ease.

He and Shawn go at it to a solid pop. Owen goes after Diesel to finally live up to the poster for this event. I have no idea why those two were on the poster. I also have no idea why they didn’t fight at Summerslam 95 instead of Mabel but whatever. I mean really, what match sounds more interesting: Diesel vs. Mable or Diesel vs. Owen? It would have at least been interesting to an extent instead of Diesel and Owen which was completely awful.

Kama is in next to no reaction at all. Yeah Shawn should have come out about 10 spots later than he did. Holly is more or less dead at this point as Shawn hits the ten corner punches on him. The crowd counts with him and I keep thinking it’s another person coming in. Apparently Ahmed has a concussion and is going to the hospital. So wait, it took AN HOUR AND A HALF to figure that out? Dude how bad is your medical staff???

The Ringmaster is in at 24. For those of you that don’t know, he would soon become known as Stone Cold Steve Austin. His manager, Ted DiBiase heading to WCW might have saved the company. He’s wearing white boots here which just doesn’t look right. Aww his boots have little stars on them! That’s so cute! He FINALLY puts out Holly though so he’s awesome already.

Austin is a much more technical based guy here with some very good athleticism. Barry Horowitz is 25th, coming out to his completely sweet rock version of Hava Nagila. How awesome is that? Perfect says that if Horowitz wins this he’ll get back in the ring. That made me chuckle for no reason at all. In a cool looking spot, Owen is leaning on the ropes to choke Shawn so Shawn nips up to kick Owen over, but Owen skins the cat to get back in. That was awesome looking.

The fans are DEAD here. Diesel puts out HHH with complete ease. That looked cool if nothing else. 26th is Fatu. WHY IN THE WORLD DOES HE GET THESE AWESOME DRAWS EVERY YEAR??? This is the making a difference Fatu. My goodness this was awful. It makes Rikishi look brilliant. Hey let’s plug the Superstar Line again! Apparently only the guy on there knows who is next. So is he running around telling people what order to go in?

Perfect changes his stance to he’ll quit if Horowitz wins. So wait, does that mean he’ll quit being retired? If that’s so does that mean he’ll wrestle again? Maybe he didn’t change his stance at all. Owen almost puts Shawn out but just won’t do it because it would probably get him fired. Isaac Yankem (Kane) is in next. Horowitz is gone. Owen hits the enziguri on Shawn again but this time doesn’t kill him.

Austin does the Shawn pose as I laugh. Austin vs. Diesel is a match that I don’t think ever happened. Owen is out due to Diesel and Shawn. 28th is Marty Jannetty as this match just needs to be put out of its misery. Apparently he’s been doing well in the singles division. Did I completely miss some time in the company history? The Rockers go at it in a fight that would have been good maybe 3 years ago.

British Bulldog is 29th again to ZERO reaction. 30th is going to be Duke Droese so there we are. Smith is heel here so he beats on Shawn. He dumps Marty quickly so if nothing else there’s a future for him in vermin control. Fatu puts out Austin. How many people would believe that in three and a half years he would run him over in a car and put him out for a year?

That’s just completely amazing and shows you that all kinds of things can happen in wrestling and you never know what’s coming. Kane knocks out Rikishi with ease as the announcers admit they have no idea how Austin went out due to there being a lot of action going on. No not really but I can’t argue with Vince right? Ok so there’s Duke and the final groups is, and I’m not kidding you here, Duke Droese, Kama, Diesel, Shawn, Bulldog and Yankem. WOW.

If you couldn’t tell who was going to win this and who he was going to eliminate last, you’re an idiot. Droese and Kane go out really fast so your final four are Bulldog, Diesel, Kama and Shawn. And before I’m done typing that Shawn kicks Diesel out to win it. Literally, the final four started and ended inside of 30 seconds. Shawn wins, shocking no one at all. Diesel comes back and they do the Too Sweet sign. Yep, that’s all they do and good night I’m bored here.

Rating: D. How can this show not seem that bad? I mean seriously, Ahmed freaking Johnson at this point has the match of the night, and that’s after guys like Chris Candido, Owen Hart, Shawn Michaels, Scott Hall and Dustin Rhodes have performed. Once Shawn came in, the match was over, period. No one thought for a second that anyone other than HBK was going to win, period. I mean look at this lineup.

The alternatives are the debuting Vader, Diesel, who had talked about Taker nonstop recently so his feud is set up, and……and……oh come on there has to be a third guy. Owen Hart wins it by default I guess: a career midcard guy with a cup of coffee in the main event a year ago that is clearly the first Shawn target. WOW. How in the world did this Rumble get a chance to do anything? There is no way this was ever, and I mean ever, was going to work.

The only thing CLOSE to making this work would have been Yoko, Diesel, Owen and Vader against Shawn at the end. I mean really, who else was going to win? This wasn’t interesting at all and other than for a few seconds, the crowd might as well have been asleep, and I can’t blame them a bit. This was just boring.

Bret says he’ll win in a generic interview, which is somehow the most interesting thing I’ve seen other than Vader and Yoko being put out in over an hour.

WWF Title: Undertaker vs. Bret Hart

This is happening because Bret is champion and Taker would have been far too big of a threat to Shawn’s popularity. Taker is wearing the skull mask at this point after Mabel and Yokozuna destroyed his face. For no apparent reason, Diesel is still at ringside. He gets in Taker’s face and there they go. Taker was just all kinds of awesome at this point, as he was reaching that mythical level that few get to.

He’s officially that kind of guy that’s awesome just because he’s who he is. Like today for example, it’s about two weeks after Kofi destroyed Orton’s car. That was AWESOME. Kofi got over in that one segment and granted I have no idea if it’ll still or not as you guys won’t read this for about two months, but the point is he might just fall off the map. A guy like Taker simply isn’t going to fall off the level he’s on barring anything completely insane happening.

He was just hitting that level around this time. He’s like Shawn is now: you can throw together a stupid storyline to put him in the title match and everyone will buy it because he’s just awesome enough to be in it. Bret’s pop is solid here, but this crowd just kind of sucks. Ok we’ve been in this match 3 minutes now and I think I already know what’s coming. I had a bad vibe about this match earlier on and it’s coming true now: they’re doing a formula match.

Yep, Bret’s going for the knee early. That means a long drawn out match where Bret works on the leg with a submission, Taker fights back, Bret hits the knee and uses a submission, Taker fights back, Bret hits the knee and uses a submission, Taker fights back, Bret hits the knee or a suplex move and sets for the Sharpshooter and somewhere in there we brawl on the floor with a weapon other than the belt or a chair being used. And what do you know I’m right.

Yes, for about 25 minutes, that’s all we get. During that Bret gets the stupid looking skull mask off of Taker that was just really annoying. PLEASE END THIS! Taker hits the Tombstone finally, and here’s Diesel for the cheap DQ to set up Diesel vs. Bret to set up Diesel vs. Taker. Ok, I know I have the benefit of hindsight here, but this was as predictable as humanly possible.

The signs were all there for Diesel vs. Taker, especially the fight before the match started. I mean seriously, who in their right mind thought Taker had a chance here? Actually he won, so who thought he had a chance of getting the title here? Whatever, I just want this show to end.

Rating: C-. While it was formula stuff, it was somehow by far and away the best match of the night, and that’s just pitiful. They went out there and did half an hour of stuff you could write a textbook with. Now I know that usually means greatness, but in this case I mean a book called Cookie Cutter Title Matches in 30 Elongated Minutes.

It might have been that I was just wanting this show to end, but this was boring as heck to me. I’m going with the C- because it gives it the best grade of the night just so Jeff Jarrett can’t have it. WWF>TNA, forever, even when you have to lie to get there.

Overall Rating: D-. Somehow, this passes. I have zero idea how, but somehow it passes. The matches all completely sucked, but it was like I kept wanting to like the show. That’s either really good or really bad and I’m not sure which.

This whole show feels like the forms you have to fill out to get something you know you’re getting: it’s pointless, you don’t like it, but you have to do it anyway to get to the end result. This show is just boring. I don’t know if it’s particularly bad, but it’s just so boring that it becomes bad. Don’t watch this unless you’re an insomniac.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Survivor Series Count-Up – 2013 (2014 Redo): Let Them (W)in

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2013
Date: November 24, 2013
Location: TD Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 13,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

While those two matches aren’t the most interesting in the world, there is one match that had people’s interest. Daniel Bryan and CM Punk have both been having issues with the bizarre cult leader Bray Wyatt and his Family. The two will pair up tonight to face the Family (Luke Harper and Erick Rowan), though the real story will pick up when Bray himself gets involved. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz

Miz turned on Kofi in a tag match on Raw to set this up. He offers a handshake to start but Kofi is too smart for that. We get a surprisingly fast start with Kofi trying to get a grip on Miz but settling for a rollup for two. They trade about three rollups each for three in a very nice chain wrestling sequence until we reach a stalemate. Miz goes for the Figure Four but has to duck Trouble in Paradise. Kofi sends him to the floor for a nice dive and we take a break. Back with Kofi holding a chinlock before getting two off a cross body.

Kingston pounds away in the corner but Miz sneaks underneath him and scores with a big boot to the face. Kofi fights out and hits a double stomp to the chest followed by some nice dropkicks. The Boom Drop looks to set up Trouble In Paradise but Miz ducks, only to get caught in the SOS for two. Another Figure Four attempt is countered into a small package for two and Kofi’s high cross body gets the same. Two low knees to the face/chest put Miz down but he ducks the third and grabs a rollup for the pin.

Rating: B-. This was one of the better opening matches they’ve had in a long time. The reversal sequences were very fast paced and other than a few moments here and there, the action barely stopped. Kofi losing here doesn’t hurt him at all and Miz gets a win to help boost his heel turn. Everybody wins. Well except Kofi but you get the idea.

The opening video talks about how survival is a must before transitioning to your usual hype video for the World Title matches.

Rey Mysterio/Usos/Goldust/Cody Rhodes vs. Real Americans/Shield

Elimination rules of course and the Real Americans are Jack Swagger and Cesaro. The Usos are twin Samoan high fliers. Ricardo Rodriguez is on Spanish commentary. Colter (a VERY proud American who wants all non-Americans to leave the country) does his usual routine before the match before attempting to twerk because what would a wrestling show be without that?

Cody and Ambrose get things going as this is the anniversary of Shield’s debut. They trade waistlocks to start but Cody takes over with some right hands, only to have Ambrose pound away in the corner. Rhodes comes back with even more punches as Cole tells us that Friday is Lawler, Colter and JBL’s birthday. Ambrose pounds away in the corner but gets in an argument with the referee, allowing Cody to get a quick rollup for the elimination.

Everything breaks down with the Usos cleaning house and hitting dives to take out all of their opponents. We settle down with Goldust vs. Rollins but it’s quickly off to Swagger to drive Goldust into the corner. Jack takes him down and Cesaro comes in with a knee drop for two. Cole messes up his history by saying Andre the Giant was the sole survivor of the first Survivor Series match (that would be the main event of the first Survivor Series and the fourth match ever).

Goldust gets a backslide for two on Cesaro and scores with a powerslam. A jawbreaker puts both guys down but Cesaro is able to tag first. Swagger comes in but misses the Vader Bomb, allowing for the hot tag off to Mysterio. He easily takes Swagger down to set up the 619 and it’s a superkick from Jimmy followed by the Superfly Splash from Jey to eliminate Swagger.

Cesaro immediately comes in with an uppercut to Jey to set up the Cesaro Swing. The fans count along with the swings but it’s only 15 revolutions. He must be tired tonight. Jimmy comes in without a tag and gets a swing of his own 19 revolution swing. Cody gets the tag and scores with a sunset flip out of nowhere for the elimination, leaving us with Rollins/Reigns vs. all five members of the other team.

Reigns comes in to work on Cody’s arm but it’s off to Jey instead. Roman easily tags him into the Shield corner and the two remaining members take over with the alternating tags. Rollins comes in with a top rope fist to Jey’s jaw and we hit the chinlock. Jey fights up and backdrops Rollins over the top rope, allowing for the tag off to Jimmy. A Samoan Drop gets two on Reigns and the running Umaga attack in the corner keeps him in trouble. Jimmy goes up top but has to headbutt Reigns down. He jumps down but the spear is enough for a quick elimination.

Cody comes in with a missile dropkick followed by the moonsault press for two on Rollins. Cross Rhodes connects but Reigns made a blind tag, allowing him to spear Cody in half for the elimination, leaving us at 3-2. Jey comes in and takes Reigns to the floor, sending him into the barricade and post. Back in and Rollins makes a quick tag to set up the Black Out (running one foot curb stomp) to eliminate Jey, leaving us with Reigns/Rollins vs. Goldust/Mysterio.

It’s Rey vs. Rollins with Mysterio getting in a quick dropkick, only to go up top and get caught in the Tree of Woe. Back to Reigns who sends Mysterio out to the floor but Rey makes it back in at 9. Reigns’ spear goes into the post by mistake but Rollins knocks Goldust to the floor to prevent the hot tag. Rey grabs a rollup out of nowhere to get rid of Rollins and make it 2-1.

Rollins stomps on Mysterio a bit before leaving, giving Roman a big advantage. Rey slides through Reigns’ legs and catches him with an enziguri before sending him into the corner with a drop toehold. There’s the hot tag to Goldust who gets two off a spinebuster. He pounds down right hands to Roman in the corner before a powerslam gets two. Reigns comes right back by countering the bulldog into a spear and it’s one on one. Rey tries the 619 but gets speared in half as well, giving Reigns his star making performance with his fourth elimination for the win.

Rating: B-. Total star making performance by Reigns as he was completely unstoppable out there. Save for a meaningless fall over an Uso, Reigns literally got every elimination for his team. They’re clearly setting him up to be something special, though the results since have been very mixed.

Orton interrupts an Authority meeting and wants to make sure they’re all on the same page to start. The Authority talks down to him before telling him to go prove his worth on his own.

Intercontinental Title: Curtis Axel vs. Big E. Langston

Langston, defending here, is a powerlifter and incredibly strong. This is the rematch from when Axel lost the title on Monday before why change the title here? Axel grabs a headlock to start but Langston easily powers out. They trade leapfrogs until Langston runs him over with ease. Axel sends him to the apron and forearms Langston down to the floor for his first advantage.

The fans chant You Can’t Wrestle, presumably at Axel, though the same chant at Langston wouldn’t surprise me. Axel hits a Hennig neck snap and puts on a chinlock only to have Langston power out and suplex Axel down. There’s the Warrior Splash but Axel kicks the knee and gets two off a PerfectPlex. Not that it matters as Big E. grabs Curtis for the Big Ending to retain.

Rating: D+. Well at least it was short. This was one of the least important title matches I can think of in a long time as I don’t even think Axel believed he was taking the title here. Nothing to see here and basically it was an extended squash for Langston. That’s all it should have been too since they couldn’t do the title change here due to reasons.

Post match Langston cuts a promo that would make Mick Foley proud, mentioning Boston three times in about 20 seconds.

AJ gives a semi-maniacal speech to her teammates which they take as her saying she’s better than them. AJ says yeah she’s better because they’re just here because they’re not good enough to be on Total Divas. The promo basically buries the entire division by pointing out how worthless all of them are. Rebellion is imminent even though AJ gets a great line: “Get your own show by stealing this one.”

Team AJ vs. Total Divas

AJ Lee/Tamina Snuka/Summer Rae/Alicia Fox/Rosa Mendes/Kaitlyn/Aksana

Bella Twins/Funkadactyls/JoJo/Eva Marie/Natalya

This is the result of a reality show on the E Network called Total Divas. The show resulted in Divas Champion AJ Lee going on an incredible rant about how she was a wrestler and not a reality star, setting up a feud. The Funkadactyls (Cameron and Naomi) are Brodus Clay’s former dancers. Eva Marie and JoJo were hired only to be on Total Divas. Aksana is Lithuanian and not very good. Rosa Mendes is even worse, Summer Rae is the dance partner of a wrestler named Fandango and Kaitlyn is the anti-Diva.

The Total Divas come out in a big line to the show’s theme song because they’re SO close on that show. Naomi starts with Alicia and rolls her up for a pin in just over a minute. Rosa avoids a Rear View but gets caught in a double suplex by the Funkadactyls. Mendes comes back with a quick kick to the face to eliminate Cameron, only to be taken out by a Bella Buster from Naomi.

It’s 6-5 now and here’s Summer to dance a bit. Nikki does the Worm and we’re in a dance off. Another Bella Buster gets rid of Summer and it’s time for Eva Marie who is booed out of the building. Kaitlyn only needs the gutbuster to get rid of Eva and it’s off to Naomi again. Another gutbuster takes Naomi out as we aren’t even five minutes into the match. Brie avoids a spear from Kaitlyn and takes her out with a missile dropkick.

Aksana comes in and pins Brie after an AJ cheap shot and a spinebuster. Nikki comes in and puts Aksana in a Torture Rack backbreaker for a pin. I’m not skipping anything between these falls by the way. Tamina headbutts Nikki down a few times but the Bella comes back with an enziguri. Natalya was taken down by something the camera missed so it’s off to JoJo vs. Tamina.

Snuka toys with her but gets rolled up for two, only to kick JoJo in the face. There’s a Samoan drop for no cover because AJ wants and gets the pin. Natalya is driven into the corner by Tamina but the monster misses a charge and gets caught in the Sharpshooter. AJ tries a save but can’t get there in time and Tamina taps. Natalya reverses a quick AJ rollup into the Sharpshooter for the submission, leaving her and Nikki as the dual sole survivors.

Rating: D-. Other than their looks, nothing was good about this. The whole thing was a way to show us that Total Divas are AWESOME while making it clear that most of them are models who look good in little outfits but have no business EVER being in a ring. AJ continues to be exactly right about everything she says but WWE has decided that the reality “stars” are the heroes, no matter what.

Orton tries to get Charles Robinson on his side to no avail.

The expert panel looks to talk a bit but Ryback cuts them off. He says he’s the talent here and issues an open challenge to anyone on the roster. Here’s his answer.

Mark Henry vs. Ryback

Henry is shaved bald now and shoves Ryback around with ease. Ryback is thrown around again but gets taken down by a shot to the knee. Henry shoves Ryback to the floor for a six count but Ryback comes back in with a headbutt. Some JYD all fours headbutts get two for Henry but Ryback takes the knee out again. We hit the chinlock on Mark before he fights up with relative ease. The World’s Strongest Slam is countered and Ryback spinebusters him down. The Meathook is countered with something resembling a cross body and the World’s Strongest Slam gets the pin.

Rating: D. This was as stereotypical of a power match as you could have ever asked for. Henry didn’t look good here and was way too aloof out there rather than being the monster that got him over for good. Ryback is desperately in need of a change after all these losses he’s suffered in the last year.

Now the panel talks a bit.

We recap Cena vs. Del Rio. Nothing special to say here: Cena won the title last month and this is the rematch. Cena opts for no arm brace despite having to take a few months off for elbow surgery.

World Heavyweight Championship: John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio

Cena is defending. After some big match intros we’re ready to go. Cena grabs a waistlock which gets him nowhere so Del Rio puts on a headlock to take him down to the mat. Del Rio fights free and gets two off a snap suplex before going to an armbar. They head outside for a bit with Cena going shoulder first into the steps. Back in and a top rope forearm to Cena’s shoulder gets two and we hit the armbar again. This is a really slow pace so far with Del Rio talking a lot of trash and not following up on most of his offense.

Cena starts a comeback but misses a shoulder block to keep things right where they have been all match. They head outside again with Cena being sent into the steps again, allowing Del Rio to do You Can’t See Me. Back inside and we hit the armbar again as we’re somehow approaching ten minutes into this match. Cena tries a comeback with his finishing sequence but gets caught in the Backstabber for two.

Del Rio goes up top again but gets dropkicked out of the air to put both guys down again. Cena’s finishing sequence is broken up again by a thumb to the eye and Alberto gets two off a DDT. Alberto is sent to the floor and has to dive in to beat the count. Cena does the finishing sequence at triple speed but the AA is countered into a German suplex for two but the corner enziguri misses.

The STF is countered so Cena grabs a tornado DDT for another near fall. Del Rio takes him down again and stands around a lot before putting John in the Tree of Woe. That goes nowhere as Cena avoids a charge to send Del Rio into the post. The top rope Fameasser gets two but the STF is broken by a rope. Del Rio’s low superkick gets two and a neckbreaker from Cena gets the same. Del Rio grabs the armbreaker out of nowhere but Cena counters into a powerbomb to escape. Another armbreaker is countered and the AA retains Cena’s title.

Rating: D+. The lack of drama crippled this one for me. There was zero doubt for me as to who was going to win and the only question was whether it would be the AA or the STF. Del Rio just isn’t a threat to Cena at all and he never has been. Why WWE insists on going with that match time after time is beyond me. Put Alberto against Langston for a while to give Big E. a rub or whatever, but keep him away from Cena.

Santino and R-Truth play with toys. Los Matadores (Primo and Epico as bullfighters), Fandango and John Laurinitis come in for some unfunny comedy. Ok Ace was funny at least.

We recap the Wyatts vs. Punk/Bryan. Not much to this one either. The good guys are heroes and that’s not cool with Bray so he’s sent his monsters to show the world that there are no heroes.

Wyatt Family vs. CM Punk/Daniel Bryan

Before the match Bray talks about Sister Abigail telling him how tough Bryan and Punk would be. They’re the reapers though, so Punk and Bryan should run. Bray’s promos have always been strange. Bryan and Rowan get things going with Daniel firing off kicks to the leg. Rowan easily throws him down but Daniel takes him into the corner for a tag off to Punk which doesn’t get a huge reaction.

Harper comes in and charges into a boot in the corner, only to rip away at Punk’s face and chop him down. Back to Rowan for a bearhug but Punk fights out very quickly. Punk escapes a suplex and Bryan comes in to try a double suplex, only to have Rowan suplex both guys down. Bryan drives Rowan into the corner for some double kicks to the ribs to put Erick down. The crowd doesn’t seem interested in this match.

Back to Harper who is taken into the hero corner as well before a double dropkick puts both guys down. Bryan fires off the kicks and plays Bret to Punk’s Neidhart in a Hart Attack. Rowan tries to come in and the distraction lets Harper kick Punk’s head off for two. Rowan cranks on Punk’s neck for a bit before getting two off a backbreaker. Back to Harper for an uppercut followed by a quickly released Gator Roll. Rowan gets caught talking to the sheep mask which Cole finds strange for some reason.

Harper gets two off a Michinoku Driver before it’s back to Erick for some more neck cranking. Punk gets a boot up in the corner to stagger Rowan and a running DDT puts both guys down. A double tag brings in Bryan to face Harper and Daniel starts up his usual sequence. Luke gets low bridged to the floor and the FLYING GOAT (suicide dive) takes Harper out, possibly injuring the monster’s knee.

A missile dropkick gets two and there are the YES Kicks. The running dropkick in the corner staggers the big man but Harper counters a top rope hurricanrana into a super sitout powerbomb for two. The fans think this is awesome as Bray yells at the Family. Rowan splashes Bryan for two and the second heat segment begins. Harper comes in with some forearms to the back but Punk kicks him in the back of the head to give Bryan a breather.

There’s the hot tag off to Punk who takes Harper down but he dives on Rowan and Bray instead of Luke. Now the Macho Elbow connects on Harper for two and everything breaks down. The running knee takes Rowan down and Punk counters the discus lariat into the GTS for the pin on Harper.

Rating: B. This was the old school tag team formula and it worked perfectly well. Punk and Bryan are good choices for matches like this and there’s nothing wrong with the Wyatts getting pinned. The money in the feud is Bray in the ring with either of them and that’s certainly coming in the future.

Bray teases getting in but stays on the floor.

Cena is talking to the Authority about something when Orton comes in to glare at them. The Viper sounds jealous.

We recap Big Show vs. Randy Orton. Orton is supposed to be the face of the WWE but the Authority isn’t very confident in him. Big Show has weaseled his way into a title match tonight due to the threat of a lawsuit which could take over the entire company because that’s what heroes do. They’ve been brawling for a few weeks and Big Show looks dominant while Orton has no backup tonight. I wonder what’s going to happen.

WWE Championship: Randy Orton vs. Big Show

Orton is defending and is on the floor about a second after the bell rings. He trips getting back inside to show how confused he is tonight and gets chopped LOUDLY by Big Show. More slow offense sets up more chops by Big Show but Orton comes back with a dropkick and some kicks to the head. A knee drop gets two for the champion and we hit a sleeper. Big Show loudly says “two clotheslines” before hitting two clotheslines and calling for the chokeslam, sending Orton running to the floor.

Back in and Big Show slams him down before going to the top rope, only to be crotched on the top rope. The Elevated DDT out of the corner puts Big Show down and Orton poses a lot. Show grabs a chokeslam out of nowhere for two and loads up the KO punch but Orton bails to the floor. The big man follows him to the floor and throws Orton at the ropes, taking out the referee in the process. Randy finds a chair but gets it slapped out of his hands before they go into the crowd.

That goes nowhere so they head back to ringside where Orton tries the Elevated DDT again, only to have Show escape and hit the KO punch. Back inside and the Authority comes out for a distraction, allowing Orton to hit a quick RKO. The annoying crowd chants for Daniel Bryan as Orton hits the Punt to retain.

Rating: D-. What the heck was that? Unfortunately, it was exactly what most people were expecting. Big Show was trying but there’s only so much you can do when Orton spends a third of an eleven minute match running, not counting the interference at the end. Horrid main event but I guess it sets up HHH vs. Big Show.

Post match here’s Cena to hold up the World Heavyweight Championship while Orton holds up the WWE Championship. That’s Wrestlemania it would seem, but it would actually be next month.

Overall Rating: D+. This show had its moments but they totally lost me around the time of the Henry match. The card was about the same as it felt like it was going to be with a few good matches but little to care about in the main event scenes. Orton vs. Big Show was as nothing of a match as it could have been and the interference was just predictable. This show just didn’t feel necessary though it wasn’t the worst effort ever.

Ratings Comparison

The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston

Original:B-

Redo: C

Real Americans/Shield vs. Cody Rhodes/Goldust/Rey Mysterio/Usos

Original:B-

Redo: C

Curtis Axel vs. Big E. Langston

Original:D+

Redo: D+

Total Divas vs. True Divas

Original:D-

Redo: F

Mark Henry vs. Ryback

Original:D

Redo: D

Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena

Original:D+

Redo: B

Wyatt Family vs. CM Punk/Daniel Bryan

Original:B

Redo: B-

Big Show vs. Randy Orton

Original:D-

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original:D+

Redo: C-

Dang I hated Del Rio back then.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/11/24/survivor-series-2013-they-had-me-for-a-bit/

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series Count-Up – 2013 (Original): Hold Them Up

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2013
Date: November 24, 2013
Location: TD Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

This is one of those shows that hasn’t had the best build but doesn’t look that bad when you look at it. The main events are Cena defending against Del Rio in a match few people are interested in and Big Show challenging Orton in a match even fewer were asking for. Other than that there’s a big tag team Survivor Series match and Punk/Bryan vs. the Wyatts. In other words, it should be a decent show but the interest just isn’t there. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz

Rating: B-. This was one of the better opening matches they’ve had in a long time. The reversal sequences were very fast paced and other than a few moments here and there the action barely stopped. Kofi losing here doesn’t hurt him at all and Miz gets a win to help boost his heel turn. Everybody wins. Well except Kofi but you get the idea.

The opening video talks about how survival is a must before transitioning to your usual hype video for the world title matches. Nothing special.

Rey Mysterio/Usos/Goldust/Cody Rhodes vs. Real Americans/Shield

Elimination rules of course. Ricardo Rodriguez is on Spanish commentary. Colter does his usual routine before the match before attempting to twerk because what would a wrestling show be without that? Cody and Ambrose get things going as this is the Shield’s debut anniversary. They trade waistlocks to start but Cody takes over with some right hands, only to have Ambrose pound away in the corner. Rhodes comes back with even more punches as Cole tells us that Friday is Lawler, Colter and JBL’s birthday. Ambrose pounds away in the corner but gets in an argument with the referee, allowing Cody to get a quick rollup for the elimination.

Cesaro immediately comes in with an uppercut to Jey to set up the Cesaro Swing. The fans count along with the swings but it’s only 15 revolutions. Jimmy comes in without a tag and gets a swing of his own 19 revolution swing. Cody gets the tag and scores with a sunset flip out of nowhere for the elimination, leaving us with Rollins/Reigns vs. all five members of the other team.

Rating: B-. Total star making performance by Reigns here as he was completely unstoppable out there. Save for a meaningless fall over an Uso, Reigns literally got every elimination for his team. From the beginning I’ve said Reigns was the star of the team and if this isn’t proof of that, I’m not sure what is.

Orton interrupts an Authority meeting and wants to make sure they’re all on the same page to start. The Authority talks down to him before telling him to go prove his worth on his own.

Intercontinental Title: Curtis Axel vs. Big E. Langston

This is the rematch from when Axel lost the title on Monday. Axel grabs a headlock to start but Langston easily powers out. They trade leapfrogs until Langston runs him over with ease. Axel sends him to the apron and forearms Langston down to the floor for his first advantage.

The fans chant You Can’t Wrestle, presumably at Axel, showing that Boston fans aren’t that bright. Axel hits a Hennig neck snap and puts on a chinlock only to have Langston power out and suplex Axel down. There’s the Warrior Splash but Axel kicks the knee and gets two off a PerfectPlex. Not that it matters as Big E. grabs Curtis for the Big Ending to retain at 6:00.

Post match Langston cuts a promo that would make Mick Foley proud, mentioning Boston three times in about 20 seconds.

Team AJ vs. Total Divas

AJ Lee/Tamina Snuka/Summer Rae/Alicia Fox/Rosa Mendes/Kaitlyn/Aksana

Bella Twins/Funkadactyls/JoJo/Eva Marie/Natalya

Aksana comes in and pins Brie (huh?) after an AJ cheap shot and a spinebuster. Nikki comes in and puts Aksana in a Torture Rack backbreaker for a pin. I’m not skipping anything between these falls by the way. Tamina headbutts Nikki down a few times but the Bella comes back with an enziguri. Natalya was taken down by something the camera missed so it’s off to JoJo vs. Tamina.

Orton tries to get Charles Robinson on his side to no avail.

Expert panel looks to talk a bit but Ryback cuts them off. He says he’s the talent here and issues an open challenge to anyone on the roster. Here’s his answer.

Mark Henry vs. Ryback

Rating: D. This was as stereotypical of a power match as you could have ever asked for. Henry didn’t look good here and was way too aloof out there rather than being the mosnter that got him over for good. Ryback is desperately in need of a change after all these losses he’s suffered in the last year.

Now the panel talks a bit.

We recap Cena vs. Del Rio. Nothing special to say here: Cena won the title last month and this is the rematch. Cena opts for no arm brace.

World Heavyweight Championship: John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio

After some big match intros we’re ready to go. Cena grabs a waistlock which gets him nowhere so Del Rio puts on a headlock to take him down to the mat. Del Rio fights free and gets two off a snap suplex before going to an armbar. They head outside for a bit with Cena going shoulder first into the steps. Back in and a top rope forearm to Cena’s shoulder gets two and we hit the armbar again. This is a really slow pace so far with Del Rio talking a lot of trash and not following up on most of his offense.

Rating: D+. The lack of drama crippled this one for me. There was zero doubt for me as to who was going to win and the only question was whether it would be the AA or the STF. Del Rio just isn’t a threat to Cena at all and he never has been. Why WWE insists on going with that match time after time is beyond me. Put Alberto against Langston for awhile to give Big E. a rub or whatever, but keep him away from Cena.

Santino and R-Truth play with toys. Los Matadores, Fandango and JOHNNY ACE come in for some unfunny comedy. Ok Ace was funny at least.

We recap the Wyatts vs. Punk/Bryan. Not much to this one either. The good guys are heroes and that’s not cool with Bray. He’s sent his monsters to show the world that there are no heroes.

Wyatt Family vs. CM Punk/Daniel Bryan

Before the match Bray talks about Sister Abigail telling him how tough Bryan and Punk would be. They’re the reapers though, so Punk and Bryan should run. Bryan and Rowan get things going with Daniel (actually with a shorter beard here) firing off kicks to the leg. Rowan easily throws him down but Daniel takes him into the corner for a tag off to Punk which doesn’t get a huge reaction.

Back to Harper who is taken into the hero corner as well before a double dropkick puts both guys down. Bryan fires off the kicks and plays Bret to Punk’s Neidhart in a Hart Attack. Rowan tries to come in and the distraction lets Harper kick Punk’s head off for two. Rowan cranks on Punk’s neck for a bit before getting two off a backbreaker. Back to Harper for an uppercut followed by a quickly released Gator Roll. Rowan gets taught talking to the sheep mask which Cole finds strange for some reason.

Harper gets two off a Michinoku Driver before it’s back to Erick for some more neck cranking. Punk gets a boot up in the corner to stagger Rowan and a running DDT puts both guys down. A double tag brings in Bryan to face Harper and Daniel starts up his usual sequence. Luke gets low bridged to the floor and the FLYING GOAT takes Harper out, possibly injuring the monster’s knee.

A missile dropkick gets two and there are the YES Kicks. The running dropkick in the corner staggers the big man but Harper counters a top rope hurricanrana into a super sitout powerbomb for two. AWESOME spot there. The fans think this is awesome as Bray yells at the Family. Rowan splashes Bryan for two and the second heat segment begins. Harper comes in with some forearms to the back but Punk kicks him in the back of the head to give Bryan a breather.

Bray teases getting in but stays on the floor.

Cena is talking to the Authority about something when Orton comes in to glare at them. The Viper sounds jealous.

WWE Championship: Randy Orton vs. Big Show

Post match here’s Cena to hold up the World Heavyweight Championship while Orton holds up the WWE Championship. That’s Wrestlemania it would seem.

Results

Shield/Real Americans b. Cody Rhodes/Goldust/Rey Mysterio/Usos – Spear to Mysterio

Big E. Langston b. Curtis Axel – Big Ending.

Total Divas b. Team AJ – Sharpshooter to AJ

Mark Henry b. Ryback – World’s Strongest Slam

John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio – Attitude Adjustment

Daniel Bryan/CM Punk b. Wyatt Family – GTS to Harper

Randy Orton b. Big Show – Punt Kick

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series Count-Up – 1995 (2020 Redo): The Scariest Thing In Wrestling

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 1995
Date: November 19, 1995
Location: USAir Arena, Landover, Maryland
Attendance: 14,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect, Jim Ross

It’s time for the annual redo and I’m curious to see what we’re going to see here. We have some big stuff on the show, including Diesel defending the WWF Title against Bret Hart in a match whose result should be pretty clear after how badly Diesel’s last big title defense went. Let’s get to it.

Mr. Perfect gets a big intro to do commentary. That’s quite the different way to start things off, though it’s how Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura came out to open the first Survivor Series so points for likely unintentional tradition.

The opening video looks at Diesel vs. Bret Hart, which is all that matters on this show.

Underdogs vs. BodyDonnas

Underdogs: Barry Horowitz, Bob Holly, Hakushi, Marty Jannetty

BodyDonnas: 1-2-3 Kid, Skip, Tom Prichard, Rad Radford

And they wonder why things were falling apart at the moment. Sunny handles the BodyDonnas’ intros, though Radford is only a BodyDonna in training and Prichard isn’t Zip yet. The Kid is kind of on loan from Ted DiBiase, who paid off Jean Pierre LaFitte for the spot, and is here as well. Cue Razor Ramon to go after the Kid, who recently turned on him so things aren’t going so well for them. Marty and Prichard start things off with Marty being taken into and having to fight out of the corner in a hurry.

Tom accidentally knees Kid off the apron and Sunny needs to start the rally clap. Holly comes in with a hurricanrana on Radford (Perfect: “Now that was a good looking wrestling move.”) and it’s an armdrag into an armbar. It’s off to Hakushi (for a very positive reaction) but Radford plants him with a spinebuster. Kid comes in to a far more negative reaction and hits the quick legdrop before handing it off to Skip. The belly to back superplex is countered into a crossbody though and it’s off to Holly vs. Prichard. Granted the fans want Barry, but they seem happy to see Prichard missing a moonsault.

That’s enough for Holly to go up with the high crossbody to get rid of Prichard at 5:40. Skip is right back in with a rollup to pin Holly at 5:47 though and we’re tied up again. Hakushi comes back in and kicks away at Skip but the Vader Bomb hits knees. Skip’s super hurricanrana connects but he falls down as well, meaning it’s Kid coming in to kick away. You don’t do that with Hakushi though, as he fires off the strikes and hits a running headbutt for two (JR: “He almost knocked the price tag off the Kid!” Good line.).

The springboard splash misses though and we go split screen to watch an annoyed Ramon and company. It’s going to be made even worse when the Kid kicks Hakushi in the back of the head so Radford can get the pin (with tights) at 8:32. Barry comes in and gets beaten down because he’s Barry Horowitz and that’s all you should have expected. Some right hands stagger Kid but he hands it off to Radford for a gutwrench suplex.

For some reason Skip tells Radford not to pin him, which is only going to go badly. I mean not as badly as being named Skip but how much lower can you go? Radford stops for some pushups and of course Barry grabs a three quarter nelson (as so many people grab) for the pin at 11:50. That gives us the, ahem, epic Barry vs. Skip showdown (yes I do feel stupid writing that) but the Kid gets a blind tag and knees Barry down.

The running legdrop finishes Barry at 12:48 (yes off a legdrop, because Barry Horowitz), leaving us with Skip/Kid vs. Marry. That’s a main event in most flea markets in the country, especially if the person putting the show together wants to get creative. Or if Marty’s partner got lost and started talking to a nice moose. Skip misses a charge into the corner but is fine enough to elbow Jannetty down. They go up top and Marty goes huge with a super powerbomb (dang) for the pin at 15:22.

The Kid is right in there to kick Marty in the head over and over, but a Swanton misses to put them both down. Marty is back up with a dropkick for two….and here’s Sid, also part of DiBiase’s Corporation. The fans chant for Razor as the Rocker Dropper gives Marty two. That’s enough for DiBiase to get on the apron and offer a distraction though, meaning Sid can snap Marty’s throat across the top to give Kid the pin at 19:08.

Rating: D+. If this is their big opener, they’re in a lot more trouble than I thought. This was nothing to see whatsoever, with the wrestling being fine at best and the story being rather pathetic. We’re supposed to get excited about a team whose most successful member is Marty Jannetty with Barry Horowitz as captain? To start a pay per view? I know 1995 was bad but come on now. Not a good start here and I’m almost scared to see the rest.

Post match Sid and Kid celebrate in a somewhat funny bit.

Razor Ramon breaks a lot of stuff over Kid and company winning.

Camp Cornette and Dean Douglas aren’t happy with Razor being annoyed before tonight’s Wild Card match (a cool concept where the teams were fairly random, so of course they never did it again). Owen says Razor needs to get his priorities straight and Dean says they’re going to be fighting without a team member.

Team Aja Kong vs. Team Alundra Blayze

Aja Kong, Bertha Faye, Lioness Asuka, Tomoko Watanabe

Alundra Blayze, Chaparita Asari, Kyoko Inoue, Sakie Hasagawa

Yeah I think this might be better, as the women are making a short term visit from Japan to try and make the women’s division mean something. I mean it didn’t work, but it was worth a try. Kind of like Vince calling a match like this, but thankfully JR is in there to help carry things. Harvey Wippleman is here with Kong’s team and Blayze is Women’s Champion.

Asuka goes straight to a giant swing on Asari to start but it’s quickly off to Blayze, whose who into the ropes….doesn’t quite work as Asuka falls down. Odd visual but a slam works a bit better, seeing up the Sky Twister Press from Asari. The German suplex gets rid of Asuka at 1:43 so they’re starting fast.

Watanabe comes in to stomp away but Blayze sends her outside for the big dive from the top. Back in and Hasagawa rolls some butterfly suplexes but Watanabe is back with a top rope seated senton. Kong comes in and slugs Watanabe down but she snaps off a German suplex for a breather. A quick Saito suplex gets rid of Hasagawa at 3:59. Asari comes in and gets slammed, setting up a middle rope splash for the pin at 4:25.

That sets up the Blayze vs. Kong showdown but it’s off to Inoue after about five seconds of slug out. Kong quickly counters a sunset flip by sitting on Inoue’s chest for the pin at 5:04 and Blayze is on her own. Faye, one of the more disgusting ideas that WWE ever had (see, she’s fat and stupid but she’s strong so it works), comes in to stomp away but Blayze piledrives Watanabe (originally a powerbomb but Blayze couldn’t get her up) for the pin at 6:31.

Bertha comes in again to kick at Blayze’s leg but some heel miscommunication lets Blayze hit a German suplex to pin Faye at 7:12. Faye doesn’t seem to mind as she leaves Kong to headbutt Blayze. A superplex gives Kong two and some hip thrusts in the corner have Blayze in more trouble. She’s right back up to kick Kong down and a standing moonsault gets two. Blayze catches her on top but gets shoved down, setting up the spinning backfist for the pin at 10:03. Now play that Orient Express music!

Rating: C+. The action was WAY better but there’s only so much you can do with seven falls in ten minutes. The women’s division basically didn’t exist outside of Blayze, Faye and whomever else they brought in from Japan at this point, which is probably why the division was dead in a few months. This was a very fun change of pace, but there’s only so much you can do with this many time restraints.

The Bill Clinton impersonator is here and I’m still not sure why…until he thinks Bam Bam Bigelow is from the Flintstones. Yeah this is Vince show.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Goldust

Goldust has only been around for about a month and promises a great performance that will make you remember his name. After a quick stall to start, Goldust hammers away a bit and then bails to the floor to mess with Bigelow’s bald head. Back in and Bigelow hammers away to send Goldust outside again.

The fight is on with Goldust hitting the post but he’s fine enough to take it back inside and clothesline Bigelow to the floor. The front facelock goes on for a bit before Goldust throws him outside (again). Back in and Bigelow gets in a belly to back suplex but Goldust slaps on a reverse chinlock. That’s broken up with an electric chair but Goldust is right back up with the bulldog for the pin at 8:32.

Rating: D. It would take Goldust some time to really get the hang of things and we weren’t to that point yet. Goldust was more of a movie guy here instead of the weird guy he would become, which was what worked when he meshed it together with the movie stuff. The problem is his wrestling consisted of throwing Bigelow to the floor and then hitting a bulldog, which isn’t quite thrilling. This was it for Bigelow as well and he was eventually off to ECW.

Bob Backlund visits the Clinton impersonator and wants to know why he’s here.

We recap the Royals (Mabel) vs. the Dark Side (Undertaker). Mabel and Yokozuna crushed Undertaker’s face and now it’s time for revenge.

Royals vs. Dark Side

Royals: King Mabel, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Jerry Lawler, Isaac Yankem

Dark Side: Undertaker, Savio Vega, Henry Godwinn, Fatu

So it’s the Royals vs. the Bone Street Krew. This is Undertaker’s return after a month away due to the crushed face and he has a big skull mask on as a result. Fatu and Helmsley start things off with Fatu hitting a backdrop into a clothesline. A very early Pedigree attempt is cut off with a stare from Undertaker so it’s off to Godwinn to scare Lawler away. Yankem comes in to stomp Godwinn down but Henry is right back up with a clothesline. The jumping elbow gets two but Yankem hits a belly to back suplex.

Helmsley comes in for some uppercuts as we hear about how is still undefeated (dang that makes me feel so old). Godwinn gets in a rather delayed gorilla press and throws Helmsley into the corner for the tag off to Lawler. Vega comes in as well and Lawler starts bouncing off of him like a pinball. Lawler manages a kick to the face and celebrates so Vega knocks him down again. It’s off to Fatu to work on Lawler’s arm but a cheap shot from the apron cuts him off. Yankem gets in the jumping elbow but Mabel misses the charge in the corner, allowing Vega to hammer away.

A big Boss Man Slam cuts that off and Vega gets caught in the corner. Yankem comes back in and hits a dropkick (!), followed by a knee from Helmsley (, at best) for two. Vega manages a Rock Bottom to Helmsley but Lawler, fearing a bad case of death, cuts off the hot tag to Undertaker. The piledriver plants Vega….but he pops up and brings in Undertaker to start the destruction.

Lawler’s partners all run away and it’s the Tombstone for the first elimination at 12:20. Yankem tries to deck Undertaker but gets caught with the jumping clothesline, setting up the Tombstone for the pin at 12:43 (and they were never seen together again). Now it’s Helmsley coming in and being scared off by a single glare.

Helmsley tries to leave but gets sent back to the apron, where Undertaker chokeslams him back inside (good one too) for the pin at 13:36. That leaves Mabel on his own and he hits the belly to belly suplex. The legdrop, which crushed Undertaker’s face, connects….and Undertaker sits up. That’s enough for Mabel, who runs off for the countout at 14:25.

Rating: B-. It’s rare to have the first twelve minutes of a match be absolutely nothing but the last two and a half minutes completely save the match. Undertaker was a wrecking ball here and there was no one touching him. I’ve been watching wrestling for over thirty years and a ticked off Undertaker is the scariest thing that I have ever seen. I loved the Undertaker stuff here and I was getting excited watching it all over again. It’s a great ending and Undertaker can destroy Mabel once and for all before finally finding a great opponent. Like Mankind for instance.

Post match Undertaker chokeslams Mo to blow off some steam.

Bret Hart isn’t worried about British Bulldog next month because he’s ready to face Diesel and knows what’s coming. He feels like Wayne Gretzky, who has to find out if he still has this every year. Tonight, Diesel is finding out that he can’t hang with him.

Diesel is ready to face Bret because he doesn’t need to go long with Bret. He doesn’t get paid by the hour and it’s all power tonight.

Jim Cornette, now with the other team, says he’s been here all day and Ted DiBiase just wants to win. Shawn Michaels comes in to say he’s got this and Ahmed Johnson doesn’t say anything, thank goodness.

Team Shawn Michaels vs. Team Yokozuna

Shawn Michaels, Ahmed Johnson, British Bulldog, Sycho Sid

Yokozuna, Owen Hart, Razor Ramon, Dean Douglas

Ted DiBiase is with Sid and company while Jim Cornette is trying to figure out who he is supposed to help here. Shawn gets a great pop and it’s no shock that he was on the way to the main event. Commentary uses this chance to make jokes about the government balancing a budget because of course they do. Owen and Shawn start things up with Shawn sending him to the floor and giving Cornette a spank with the tennis racket. Back in and Owens hits a belly to belly to cut Shawn off and it’s Dean coming in to slug away.

Shawn takes him down anyway and hits the top rope ax handle, only to get punched in the face again. Dean’s Vader Bomb misses though and Shawn hits a moonsault press for two. Johnson comes in and gets triple teamed with Dean grabbing a chinlock. Back up and a powerslam plants Dean for no cover, even Ahmed poses over Dean after putting him down. Shawn comes back in and the threat of the superkick sends Dean bailing to the floor. Razor isn’t having that and punches Dean into the rollup for the pin at 7:28.

Owen charges in but gets drop toeholded so Shawn can tag Bulldog in. A spinwheel kick cuts Bulldog down and it’s quickly off to Shawn vs. Razor, which is treated as a big showdown. Eh fair enough after the two matches they had. Shawn ducks a clothesline and hits an elbow in the face but Razor hits a very quick Razor’s Edge. Johnson makes the save so Razor hits a running knee lift to put Shawn down. For some reason it puts Razor down as well so Shawn brings in Sid to hammer away in the corner.

Yokozuna comes in for a cheap shot but Sid doesn’t mind and stays on Razor’s back. A double clothesline puts both of them down so Sid goes up top, only to get slammed off the top. Razor gets in a few right hands (I’ve always liked those) but Sid hits a quick chokeslam. Shawn comes in to superkick Razor but hits Sid by mistake. He doesn’t seem to mind so Bulldog….legdrops Sid by mistake, allowing Razor to get the pin at 16:17.

Bulldog comes in to beat on Razor as Sid powerbombs Shawn, allowing Razor to get two. The fresh Owen gets the tag and stays on Shawn’s back before Yokozuna hammers Shawn down in the corner (Perfect: “Welcome back to Syracuse Shawn!”). We hit the nerve hold for a bit before Yoko and Owen hit a double headbutt. Owen misses the diving headbutt though and now the hot tag can bring in Ahmed to clean house. The Pearl River Plunge gets rid of Owen at 21:47.

Razor comes in to slug away at Ahmed (a match between those two could have been interesting) but Ahmed doesn’t know how to STAND IN ONE PLACE for the middle rope bulldog, meaning Razor has to settle for a regular bulldog instead. Likely frustrated by Ahmed being kind of awful, Razor punches Bulldog and Shawn but walks into a spinebuster. Cornette offers a distraction though and it’s the Razor’s Edge to Ahmed. Bulldog breaks that up but here are Sid and the Kid as Razor comes back with the fall away slam.

The distraction lets Bulldog hit the running powerslam for the pin, leaving us with Shawn/Bulldog/Johnson vs. Yokozuna. It’s Shawn getting pounded into the corner to start, which certainly pleases Cornette. Yokozuna drops the big leg but the Banzai Drop only hits mat. The falling tag brings in Ahmed for a slam (less of a slam than Lex Luger’s) but Bulldog makes the save. Shawn and Ahmed get rid of him and it’s the superkick into a screaming splash from Ahmed for the pin at 27:24.

Rating: C. I really liked the idea here and it’s something that could have been done again for years, but for some reason it was only a one off. That being said, the match certainly had some problems, including Johnson looking like he had no idea what he was doing half the time. The match also just kind of came and went without much of a flow. Cool concept, but only a decent execution.

Clinton hits on Sunny and easy jokes are made.

We recap Bret Hart vs. Diesel for the WWF Title. They have had two great matches before as Bret knows how to take the giant down but Diesel is good at the power stuff so it is time for the big showdown. Bret says one of their matches went to a no contest so it’s his title, which Diesel doesn’t see to agree with.

Commentary plays up the technical vs. power here and it makes a lot of sense.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Diesel

Bret is challenging and anything goes. They both unhook turnbuckle pads to start and it’s Diesel hammering away in the corner. That’s enough to send Bret outside so Diesel drops him face first onto the barricade. Bret gets choked against said barricade but he kicks at the leg back inside. Diesel cuts that off with a right hand to the head and then whips him hard into the steps. A chair to the back drops Bret again as it’s one sided in the first few minutes.

The Jackknife is blocked and Bret starts biting to change things up. A choke on Diesel’s back has some more success and now it’s time to kick at the leg. There’s an elbow to the knee and Bret cranks on it for a bonus. Some cannonballs down onto the leg make it even worse and we hit the Figure Four. Diesel grabs a rope and Vince says it has to be broken, but Perfect accurately points out that it doesn’t because there’s no DQ threat to make Bret do anything.

Bret lets it go anyway but it’s way too early for the Sharpshooter. Diesel kicks him away and into the buckle so it’s a bunch of forearms to put Bret down. Unfortunately it puts him down in the corner, where he slides to the floor so Diesel can have his leg wrapped around the post. Bret gets creative by whipping out a cable and tying Diesel’s leg to the post, earning himself a boot to the face. It doesn’t seem to matter much though as Bret gets in a middle rope shot to the face.

The chair is brought in and is promptly kicked into Bret’s face but Diesel is still tied to the post. Bret unloads on him with the chair, including some shots to the knee. Diesel slams him off the top though and unties himself, setting up a big whip into the corner. Vince: “Bret should give up!” Well then tell someone to ring the bell Vince. Diesel can’t hit the running crotch attack so he jumps down onto his back instead.

Snake Eyes drops Bret again but he’s back with right hands to the face. Bret’s middle rope bulldog gets two and Diesel heads to the floor, where he misses the slingshot dive. Diesel knocks him hard off the apron and through the announcers’ table (I believe debuting the spot), leaving Bret mostly dead. Back in and Bret collapses when Diesel tries the Jackknife…and then small packages him for the pin and the title at 24:02. Diesel: “MOTHERF*****!”

Post match Diesel snaps and powerbombs Bret before hitting a referee.

Rating: B+. These two had some great chemistry together and that was on display again here. Bret could brawl when he needed to and he mixed that in with taking apart the knee to have a great match. It also helps when you have him in there to walk Diesel through everything, which is what makes their matches work so well. Diesel could be brought up to another level and there was no one who could do that better than Bret. It was WAY past time to change the title though and thank goodness they did it here.

We get the highlight package….and then go back to commentary for a recap of the heel turn and the sign off. That’s different.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a really weird show as I would have thought only the main event bailed everything out but the rest of the show is mostly good, with only the opener and Goldust vs. Bigelow being pretty bad. The show just doesn’t feel that important and it comes off more as a show that was good in spite of itself, which is rarely a good thing. The main event is good and Undertaker cleaning house is great, but nothing else stands out here in the slightest.

BodyDonnas vs. Underdogs

Original: A-

2012 Redo: B

2020 Redo: D+

Team Bertha Faye vs. Team Alundra Blayze

Original: D

2012 Redo: Redo: C+

2020 Redo: C+

Goldust vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Original: C

2012 Redo: F

2020 Redo: D

Dark Side vs. Royals

Original: B-

2012 Redo: D+

2020 Redo: B-

Team Shawn Michaels vs. Team Yokozuna

Original: C+

2012 Redo: C+

2020 Redo: C

Bret Hart vs. Diesel

Original: C+

2012 Redo: A

2020 Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

2012 Redo: B

2020 Redo: C+

Where in the world was I on that first match???

Here’s the original if you are interested:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2020/10/30/survivor-series-count-up-1995-original-bret-vs-the-giant/

And the 2012 redo:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/11/03/survivor-series-count-up-1995-wild-card/

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series Count-Up – 1995 (2012 Redo): Try That Again

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 1995
Date: November 19, 1995
Location: USAir Arena, Landover, Maryland
Attendance: 14,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect, Jim Ross

Aside from the main event, there really isn’t much else to talk about. The rest of the show is dedicated to the midcard, save for the return of the Undertaker. He’ll be captaining the Dark Side to face the Royals, led by King Mabel, who helped crush Undertaker’s face a few months prior. Let’s get to it.

We start with Razor Ramon, talking about being in the first Wild Card match. The idea here was to take faces and heels and mix them up. It was an interesting concept but like most Survivor Series matches, it didn’t mean anything and wasn’t done again.

Mr. Perfect is introduced as a surprise commentator.

We actually get an opening video which is about Bret going A-Diesel hunting. The idea is old vs. new. It’s no countout and No DQ tonight, basically meaning a street fight.

BodyDonnas vs. Underdogs

BodyDonnas: Skip, Rad Radford, Tom Prichard, 1-2-3 Kid

Underdogs: Barry Horowitz, Hakushi, Marty Jannetty, Bob Holly

The idea here is people that care about their looks vs. jobbers. Horowitz scored one of the biggest upsets ever over Skip (Chris Candido, a fitness guru. He would later be joined by Prichard under the name Zip. Their manager was the famous one though: Sunny). Jannetty needs no introduction as a jobber.

The Kid is a mystery partner who is freshly heel here. By freshly I mean this is his first match as a heel. Razor comes out to go after the Kid who screwed him over on Raw on Monday. Raw is finally a big deal at this point too. Razor is Intercontinental Champion of course. Radford is Louis Spicolli in a grunge gimmick. Holly is a racecar driver and Hakushi is a Japanese wrestler with tattoos all over his torso.

Prichard and Jannetty start things off and Marty has to fight out of the heel corner. The Kid holds him there but Prichard hits Kid with a knee by mistake. The BodyDonnas huddle on the floor until it’s off to Radford vs. Marty. Radford is called a BodyDonna in training because he’s pretty fat. Here’s Holly to face Rad and he takes Radford over with a hurricanrana. Radford tries the same thing but gets powerbombed down.

Off to Hakushi who is pretty freshly face. He gets behind Radford but walks into a spinebuster. Off to the Kid who hits a top rope splash on Hakushi for two and it’s time for Captain Skip. Hakushi escapes a belly to back superplex and it’s back to Holly who speeds things up. Prichard comes in as the fans want Barry. A powerbomb counters a hurricanrana from Holly but Tom misses a moonsault. Holly hits a top rope cross body for the elimination. Skip immediately comes in and rolls up Holly to tie it back up.

Hakushi comes in again and trips up Skip before elbowing him in the face. A Vader Bomb hits knees though and Skip gets control back. A shot to the chest takes Skip down so here’s the Kid again. The fans want Barry but it’s Hakushi taking over with a Muta Elbow in the corner. A top rope shoulder takes Kid down for two but Hakushi misses a springboard splash. Razor is watching in the back. Kid kicks Hakushi in the back of the head and Radford gets the easy pin.

Barry comes in and gets pounded down and the fans almost explode. Naturally this match would be the end of his push because that’s how it works in the WWF, though I don’t think Horowitz had a long shelf life. Radford and the Kid double team Horowitz but he comes back with a jawbreaker to Rad. Skip tells Rad not to pin Barry yet because he wants to get the pin himself.

Radford hits a Hennig neck snap as Hennig is stunned at the reaction to Horowitz. Rad stops to exercise and gets cradled by Barry for the pin. It’s Skip/The Kid vs. Barry/Marty. Horowitz gets distracted by a double team and the Kid dropkicks him in the back, setting up a legdrop for the elimination. So it’s Marty down two on one but he avoids a charging Skip in the corner.

A sunset flip out of nowhere gets two for Marty and the Rocker Dropper (a fancy Fameasser) puts Skip down and Marty goes up. Sunny crotches him but Skip gets countered into a Superbomb (powerbomb off the top, which would be Skip’s finisher in ECW) for the elimination. It’s one on one now and a missile dropkick gets two for the Kid. A moonsault misses Marty though and they’re both down. Jannetty dropkicks him down for two and here comes Sid (Kid’s partner). A Rocker Dropper takes the Kid down for two but Sid guillotines Marty on the ropes and Kid steals the pin.

Rating: B. This was a good match to open things up with, especially since I don’t think anyone would have been able to buy Barry Horowitz captaining anything but an opening match team. Other than that though, the action here was good and it set the Kid up as a somewhat big time heel which is what he needed so soon after a turn. Good opener.

Razor threw a fit in the back after the loss, throwing a monitor against the wall in the process.

Three members of I guess you would say the heel Wild Card team (Dean Douglas, Owen and Yokozuna) say that Razor needs to channel his energy into their match later, since he’s their partner.

Team Bertha Faye vs. Team Alundra Blayze

Bertha Faye, Aja Kong, Tomoko Watanabe, Lioness Asuka

Alundra Blayze, Kyoko Inoue, Sakie Hasegawa, Chaparita Asari

Bertha is an overweight and not incredibly attractive woman and is Blayze’s main rival for Blayze’s Women’s Title. She tells the fans to shut up in an attempt to get people interested in this match. The rest are Japanese wrestlers who didn’t spend a lot of time in the WWF. Asari and Asuka start things off with Asuka taking her head off with a spinwheel kick. At least I think that’s what happened because we’re getting a wide shot of the arena for the opening bell. Asari, a member of the face team, stands about 4’9 and is a tiny thing whereas Asuka looks like a monster.

Off to Blayze who is more Asuka’s size for a slam on the Lioness. Back to Asari who debuts the Sky Twister Press (a corkscrew moonsault) in America. Asuka doesn’t sell it but you can’t ask everything of her. Vince has no idea what to call it but JR is there to clean up for him. Blayze comes back in and hits a German suplex to eliminate Asuka. It makes the names easier to keep track of if nothing else.

Watanabe comes in but misses a dive. Blayze sends her to the floor and does hit her dive to take over. Hasegawa comes in and hits five rolling double underhook suplexes on Watanabe as Perfect makes sexist remarks. Watanabe hits a seated senton off the top for two as this selling thing is still an issue. Aja Kong, a total monster, comes in with no tag and is immediately kicked in the face and suplexed by Hasegawa. Another Rock Bottom suplex puts her down but Hasegawa jumps into a kick to the chest. Something like a belly to back suplex eliminates Hasegawa to make it 3-3.

Asari comes in and is quickly dispatched by a middle rope splash. If you can’t see the ending of this match coming, you fail your exam. Blayze comes in but tags out almost immediately to Inoue. Inoue looks like a cross between a Rocker and the Ultimate Warrior. By the time I finish typing that, a seated senton eliminates her. Kong put out three girls in about 90 seconds.

So it’s Blayze vs. Faye, Kong and Watanabe. All three get in the ring at once but Watanabe stays in. A snap suplex gets two for the champion and a slow motion piledriver gets the pin to make it 2-1. Faye comes in and after some basic shots in the corner, gets caught in a German suplex to make it one on one. Kong hits a superplex for two and she crushes Blayze in the corner for a bit. Alundra hits a bad hurricanrana for two and a standing moonsault for the same. Blayze goes up but gets headbutted down and the spinning backfist gets the pin for Kong.

Rating: C+. The match was fun stuff considering it only had ten minutes to get through seven eliminations. Kong would have been a great challenger for Blayze, if the division had stayed around. Blayze would show up on Nitro in about a month and throw the WWF Women’s Title (and her career for the most part) in the trash. Fun match but too rushed to mean anything.

A Bill Clinton impersonator is here. He says he’s been watching Bam Bam Bigelow since Bigelow was a kid and playing with Pebbles.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Goldust

Goldust has been around about a month at this point. This is when Goldust was just a movie fanatic at this point and not, you know, trying to screw everyone on the roster. Bigelow is obsessed with fire here, which makes sense given his looks and attire. After about a four minute entrance, we’re ready to go. Then we get some stalling to go with the long entrance.

Goldust tries to get in Bigelow’s mind but gets knocked to the floor for his efforts. Back in and Bigelow slugs him down but charges into a boot in the corner. Goldust gets rammed into the post on the floor but he comes back with a clothesline to send Bigelow back to the floor. Back in and it’s a front facelock as this match keeps dragging along. Bam Bam is thrown to the floor but comes back with a clothesline. A headbutt misses and Goldust rides Bigelow on the mat. Bam Bam comes back with an electric chair but gets taken down by a lariat. Bigelow makes a comeback, misses a charge, and gets bulldogged down for the pin.

Rating: F. This was an eight minute match. Look at the length of what I wrote and tell me how this match ran eight minutes. Goldust was all mystique and no substance for a year or so until he figured out how to wrestle a match as Goldust instead of as Dustin Rhodes in a funny outfit. This was Bigelow’s last match in the company ever.

Clinton wastes more of our time but now with Bob Backlund, who isn’t a big fan.

We recap Mabel vs. Undertaker. Mabel was fat and won the King of the Ring. Then he dropped some big fat legs on Undertaker, crushing his face. Tonight it’s about revenge.

Royals vs. Dark Side

Royals: King Mabel, Jerry Lawler, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Isaac Yankem

Dark Side: Undertaker, Fatu, Henry Godwin, Savio Vega

Mabel is on a throne carried by about five guys, all of whom look like they’re about to have hernias. The idea here is you have King Mabel, King Lawler, the blue blood Helmsley, and the Royal Dentist Isaac Yankem. About two years later, Isaac would put on a mask and remember that he’s Undertaker’s brother Kane. What exactly is dark about Undertaker’s partners isn’t really clear. Fatu is MAKING A DIFFERENCE and is supposed to be some kind of hero for kids in the projects. Godwin is a hog farmer and Vega is a street fighter from Puerto Rico.

Undertaker’s entrance is as huge as you would expect it to be. He has this skull looking mask on now which would eventually be purple and look very stupid. Fatu and Hunter start things off. The Dark Side even has matching t-shirts that say Rest In Peace. Fatu throws Helmsley around to start but we almost get a Pedigree, which is only broken up by a glare from Undertaker. Off to Godwin, who was feuding with Hunter at this point in the standard culture clash feud.

Off to Lawler who immediately tags in Yankem. A big hop toss puts Isaac down but he sends Henry into the corner to escape. Back to Helmsley, which I’m getting tired of typing. If only there was a shorter version of his name. Perfect: “You know Helmsley likes to be called Triple H.” Thank you Mr. Perfect. Anyway, Godwin gorilla presses HHH, holding him up for a LONG time.

Lawler comes in and gets Savio, which is a clash of styles if I’ve ever heard of one. Vega pounds away on Jerry and Fatu does the same. Yankem gets in a knee to Fatu’s back and the evil King takes over. The smaller evil king that is. Isaac comes in to slam Fatu and a legdrop follows. Mabel comes in but misses a splash in the corner. Vega pounds on Mabel in a rematch of the KOTR final. A side slam kills Vega but there’s no cover.

Vega gets beaten on in the corner to fill in more time. Yankem is listed as 6’8 or 6’9 here, which means he would have grown about three or four inches by the time he became the Big Red Machine. A HHH knee drop gets two on Vega as the crowd is silent because none of this means anything. This is all just filler until we get to the Undertaker tag when the place is going to erupt.

Lawler’s piledriver on Vega gets two. Well it’s not Memphis so it’s understandable. Lawler knocks Vega into the corner…..and here’s Undertaker. Jerry gets thrown around by the throat and no one will tag him. Tombstone and pin on Lawler, tombstone and pin on Yankem, chokeslam and pin on Helmsley, and there’s just Mabel left. He immediately belly to belly suplexes Undertaker down and drops the face crushing legdrop before dancing a bit. There’s the situp and Mabel runs for the countout. The four eliminations took two minutes and two seconds.

Rating: D+. This whole match ran just under fifteen minutes and about two of those meant anything. Everything was waiting for Undertaker to come in and dominate, which he did quite well, but getting there was pretty dull stuff. This match is more fun for looking at what these people would become rather than what they are now. Undertaker would lose the mask soon enough thank goodness.

Bret is ready for Diesel and isn’t looking forward to the defense he’d have at the next In Your House against British Bulldog. He talks about Wayne Gretzky and wonders if he himself is still the best ever. Today he’ll find out.

Diesel isn’t worried about Bulldog and he’s going to take care of Bret tonight.

DiBiase and Cornette have a small argument before the next match. Shawn comes in and says chill.

Team Shawn Michaels vs. Team Yokozuna

Shawn Michaels, Ahmed Johnson, British Bulldog, Sycho Sid

Yokozuna, Owen Hart, Razor Ramon, Dean Douglas

This is the Wild Card match with all of the mixed up partners. It’s also Ahmed’s (a very large, muscular intimidating man) PPV debut. Sid is Shawn’s other former bodyguard but they split after Wrestlemania XI, turning Shawn face in the process. Douglas is the original Damien Sandow, which is a ripoff of the Genius. We get going with Owen vs. Shawn which is of course very fast paced stuff. Shawn sends him to the floor and after ducking a tennis racket shot from Cornette, taps Cornette’s pants with said racket. Back inside and it’s Douglas pounding away on Shawn and suplexing him down.

Shawn comes back with a forearm followed by a double ax off the top rope for two. Douglas misses a Vader Bomb so Shawn comes back with a moonsault press for two. It’s off to Ahmed who gets to destroy everything in sight but he can’t slam Yokozuna. After a big group beatdown, Dean is able to get a chinlock on Ahmed to take over. Razor gets in some cheap shots which is rather heelish of him.

Back to who walks into a powerslam but it’s off to Shawn, who Ahmed launches into Dean for two. In a more normal act for Razor, he pops Dean in the face to give Shawn a rollup win. Off to Bulldog vs. Owen which should be a good pairing. Owen hits a sweet spinwheel kick for two and Bulldog is so mad that he tags out to Shawn.

Hart tags out to Razor and it’s time for a rematch from Summerslam 95. JR: “I don’t think they can wrestle each other without a ladder.” They’re tentative to start things off but Shawn throws Razor to the floor, followed by Razor taking Shawn’s head off with a clothesline. They collide in mid-air but Shawn nips up. Razor is like forget that chico and hits the Razor’s Edge out of nowhere. Ahmed makes the save and the fans aren’t sure if they like that.

They collide again…..and then they do it for a third time. Shawn tags in Sid who had his back to the ring for some reason. This is a rematch from a recent Raw and part of an ongoing feud. Razor can barely get up, allowing Sid to pound away at will. Yokozuna tries to get in a cheap shot on Sid but Sid kicks him away. Razor comes back with some right hands and they clothesline each other down. That’s the fourth time something Razor has done something like that in five minutes.

For some reason, Sid goes up (well he is Sycho) and gets slammed back down for two. A one handed chokeslam (looked awesome) puts Razor down but Sid tags in Shawn instead of powerbombing him. Shawn accidentally superkicks Sid but Bulldog breaks up the pin. Not that it matters as Razor covers again a second later and gets the pin. Sid powerbombs Michaels, his own partner, before leaving. Bulldog and Razor are legal at the moment with Bulldog pounding away….or not as Bulldog was just having fun.

Razor and Shawn are both down but Ramon can only get two. Owen gets the tag to beat on Michaels and drops him with a backdrop. Off to Yokozuna for the first time and he destroys Shawn in the corner. Shawn gets whipped upside down in the corner and it’s off to the nerve hold by Yokozuna. It’s not like Yokozuna is flexing or anything but it does look like a nice shoulder to lean on I guess.

Shawn gets up and is promptly elbowed back down. Off to Owen for a double headbutt to put Shawn down again. Owen misses a swan dive and Shawn makes the tag to Ahmed, who cleans house. The yet to be named Pearl River Plunge (Tiger Bomb) pins Owen and it’s off to Razor vs. Ahmed, which would have been a very interesting feud. Razor bulldogs Johnson down and things break down again with Razor beating up all of his opponents.

Ahmed goes to the corner to pose, and he just happens to put himself in Razor’s Edge position. With Ahmed down, Bulldog comes in sans tag. Here come Sid and the 1-2-3 Kid with DiBiase as Razor hits the fall away slam on Bulldog for two. Razor drills the Kid but walks into the powerslam for the elimination. It’s Shawn/Bulldog/Johnson vs. Yokozuna now.

Shawn gets the fat man first but the right hands don’t do much to Yokozuna, who slugs Shawn down with ease. Yokozuna hits the fat man legdrop but opts for the Banzai instead of covering. Shawn, fearing death, avoids the drop and makes the tag to Ahmed. There’s the slam (for the second time) but Bulldog breaks up the pin by his own teammate. Bulldog gets dropped and Shawn superkicks Yokozuna down. A splash from Ahmed (with a SQUEAL) gets the pin and the victory.

Rating: C+. For a match with almost no point behind it and some wacky teams, this was pretty good stuff. The Shawn vs. Razor stuff was interesting as you knew they had chemistry but it was fun to see them without a gimmick. Ahmed looked good but not great here, which would be the right description of him for his entire run in the WWF. Fun match that was never tried again, which I can understand.

More Clinton stuff with Sunny sitting on his lap. Lucky guy.

Bret talks about his previous matches with Diesel, both of which rocked.

Diesel says he’s Jackknifed Bret twice but he’s not sure if he can beat him. Diesel won the first one by DQ and the second was a draw. They were both good matches so this should be good too.

Perfect picks Bret, JR picks Diesel.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Diesel

Diesel is defending and this is No DQ and no countout. Diesel immediately takes a buckle pad off, so Bret takes another one off to match him. Bret charges him into the corner and goes after the leg but Diesel pounds him over the back to take over. The champ knocks Hart to the floor and Bret is limping. Diesel follows him out and hits a HARD ax handle to put Bret down again. It’s a slow start so far but they have a lot of time.

Hart gets sent into the barricade and goes back in but he bails to the floor immediately. Back in and Diesel wins a slugout, knocking Bret to the floor with a big right hand. Diesel whips him into the steps and keeps the pace slow. A theme of the promos had been wearing Bret tiring Diesel out so there’s some good psychology going on here. Diesel puts Bret down with a hard chair shot to the back and Hart is reeling.

Back in and Diesel loads up the Jackknife but Bret keeps grabbing the leg to block it. Now he bites the champ’s hands to escape. The fans are starting to get into this too. Bret goes for the knee and the champ is in trouble. They do the same opening sequence as Bret goes for the knee again but Diesel hits him in the back. This time though, Bret gets him down and cranks on the knee. See, THAT is storytelling.

Perfect says the line that always gets on my nerves: “They’re all the same size on the mat.” JR properly says “the size and power advantage are negated on the mat.” What JR says is true: Diesel is still bigger than Bret on the mat or standing up. Anyway, Bret cannonballs down onto the knee and there’s the Figure Four. Diesel makes the rope but Bret stays on the bad leg.

Hart tries the Sharpshooter but Diesel thumbs him in the eyes before kicking him into the exposed buckle. Bret picks the leg again and wraps it around the post before tying a cord of some kind around the post. He ties the other end of the cord to Diesel’s leg, making the champion a sitting duck. Bret gets a chair but Diesel uses the free leg for a big boot. Diesel crawls for the chair but Bret gets to it first and wears out the knee with chair shots.

With the leg still attached, Bret pulls off the backbreaker. Bret takes the chair to the top but Diesel punches him down to crotch Bret. Hart gets slammed to the mat, giving Diesel the chance to untie his ankle. Diesel chokes Bret with the cord and hits the side slam for two. Diesel sends Bret chest first into the exposed corner and puts him in 619 position for the running crotch attack, but he can’t run because of the bad leg. Instead he jumps into the air and crashes down on Bret, which looks more painful than the running version.

Diesel can barely hit Snake Eyes onto a covered buckle and Bret is in trouble. He tries another one but Bret escapes and rams Diesel into the exposed buckle. A Hart Attack clothesline gets two on the champ and Bret starts his comeback. That would be his second comeback if you’re keeping track. A middle rope clothesline gets two as does a Russian legsweep. Bret clotheslines Diesel to the floor and tries a plancha but Diesel just steps to the side and lets Bret crash.

Bret starts getting back to the apron but Diesel knocks him off, and for the first time ever, through the Spanish Announce Table. They head back inside and Diesel calls for the Jackknife but Bret falls onto his face from exhaustion. Diesel picks him up to try again but BRET IS GOLDBRICKING and rolls Diesel up for the title out of nowhere in a big surprise.

Rating: A. Outstanding match here with both guys looking awesome. It takes the right kind of opponent to get a great match out of Diesel, but when you put a smaller guy like Bret or Shawn in there, the results are almost a guarantee. These two had some classics against each other and this was one of the best ones. I had a blast with this and it worked really well with Bret getting more and more violent and sadistic before faking Diesel out and using a wrestling move to win the title. That’s psychology people, and it’s great.

Diesel snaps post match and lays out Bret and some officials. Bret takes two Jackknifes and Diesel says I’M BACK to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was a pleasant surprise as with 1995 you often think of something disappointing but instead this was good almost throughout. The Goldust match was terrible but other than that and arguably the Undertaker match, the rest of this is all solid to quite good stuff. Throw in a new World Champion and there’s not much you can call bad here. Very good show.

Ratings Comparison

BodyDonnas vs. Underdogs

Original: A-

Redo: B

Team Bertha Faye vs. Team Alundra Blayze

Original: D

Redo: C+

Goldust vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Original: C

Redo: F

Dark Side vs. Royals

Original: B-

Redo: D+

Team Shawn Michaels vs. Team Yokozuna

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Bret Hart vs. Diesel

Original: C+

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B

As close as the previous show was to being the same, this one is almost entirely different, yet it leads to a very similar overall rating. That’s a very interesting thing and one of my favorite things to see in doing this.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/14/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1995-bret-slays-the-giant/

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series Count-Up – 1995 (Original): Bret vs. The Giant

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 1995
Date: November 19, 1995
Location: USAir Arena, Landover, Maryland
Attendance: 14,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Mr. Perfect

It’s show #9 in this series as we’re in the New Generation, which means this likely will absolutely suck. Your main event is Bret vs. Diesel for the title. Nash has held it for nearly a year at this point with Hart off having completely random feuds. Other than that, it’s all Survivor Series matches and a random singles match. We have an interesting concept here called the Wildcard match, which means random teams, meaning faces teaming with heels.

Amazingly, this didn’t happen again. I haven’t seen it in years so I’m not sure why. The card looks rather lackluster actually. Maybe I’m wrong though, as I’ve been surprised before and I may be again. Also, I’m FINALLY caught up from the four shows I lost, so for the first time since 1992, this is fresh material for me. Let’s get to it.

Side note: Nitro debuted two and a half months prior to this, meaning Luger is freshly gone and that Hall and Nash will be gone in less than a year and the true dark days are coming for the WWF. Oh and another note: HHH has since debuted, but he’s barely, and I do mean barely, above being a jobber at this point.

We open with an interview with Razor talking about the Wildcard match that he’s in. I’ll spare you the participants for later. He says he doesn’t trust his partners. Hall so clearly didn’t care anymore at this point and I can’t blame him at all. He was never going to get past the upper midcard there and he bailed. I can’t blame him at all for that one.

Mr. Perfect is introduced to do commentary as we go to our opening video which is about Hart vs. Diesel. Nash is said to be the only person to win the Triple Crown (not called that) in a year. At the time that was true, but now Punk did it, plus the ECW Title, and in fewer days. Take that old man. We’re presented by Karate Fighters and Todd is way too excited over that. Since we’re outside of Washington D.C., everything has a patriotic theme. Oh joy.

Surprisingly, the Public Enemy of all teams was in the dark match. I’m guessing this was a tryout that didn’t work?

Underdogs vs. BodyDonnas

Underdogs: Marty Jannetty, Hakushi, Barry Horowitz, Sparkplug Holly
BoddyDonnas: Skip, Rad Radford, Tom Pritchard, 1-2-3 Kid

Oh dear. Oh dear indeed. This is borderline frightening it looks so bad. Marty Jannetty is the freaking captain of a team of jobbers. Well at least they got his role right. Honestly, this is just awful looking. Sunny is the absolute saving grace of this match. How in the world was she not made into the biggest Diva of all time? That continues to blow my mind. I shouldn’t mention Sunny and blow in the same line as it can have multiple connotations. Her talking intro was always great.

Radford is Louie Spicolli for those of you that don’t know. His debut with Monsoon on commentary was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard as Gorilla just never got it. Kid is freshly heel here and is officially annoying. This led to a series of some of the biggest wastes of time ever between Kid and Razor. I absolutely hated them all and they got no heat so they naturally continued for about 4 shows in a row.

He’s gone from hanging out with Razor Ramon to teaming with Skip. I thought he was supposed to be moving up on the roster. Razor comes out but the referees hold him back, which gives us time to see the clip of the turn from Raw. Kid fast counted Razor on Raw and took money from DiBiase. What’s so bad about this? He was tired of being Razor’s apprentice and turned heel. This is set up strangely.

The faces are in the bottom right hand corner as opposed to the upper left hand corner like they usually are. It’s just odd to see and I’m having issues getting used to it actually. Bob Holly is still the NASCAR guy at this point and both he and Jannetty have been tag champions with the Kid. Wow they were burying the tag belts even this far back.

Hakushi is getting all kinds of pops, which goes to show you that no matter how many stupid gimmicks you have, exciting wrestling will shine through in the end. Kid comes in and is booed out of the freaking building. Oh I just got why Pritchard is out there. Very soon, as in maybe a month after this, he would be turned into Zip, the other Body Donna. I guess this is a trial run. They touch on Holly being a two sport athlete.

Perfect says he’s an ALL SPORT ATHLETE. That’s either a great slogan or a great tag line. Either way, it’s more proof that he’s awesome. The crowd actually chants We Want Barry. My goodness has the WWF stumbled onto something here? I think they might have. Since they have, naturally, they did nothing with it and I think this was the last thing they ever did with him of note and he was jobbing again in like a week. And Vince wonders why his company more or less died in less than two years.

Holly comes in and takes out Pritchard with a cross body. Skip immediately comes in and rolls him up for the pin. I know that’s kind of cheap, but it’s a sequence that accomplishes two things here: Number one, it clears the ring of some clutter which when you have less than 20 minutes like these guys do, you have to clear the place out relatively quickly. Second, it plays up the idea of survival, because once you get pinned the match doesn’t stop at all. That’s actually very smart, despite it looking incredibly cheap.

Hakushi was freaking sweet in the ring. Again, he’s getting big pops, so he was jobbing and then gone soon after this. He and Bret had some great matches over the summer of 95. You should check those out. This crowd is white hot too which is helping things a lot. These guys are wrestling an almost cruiserweight style match that’s working very well.

See, WWF managed to screw up the light heavyweight division in so many ways. The first way was in the name. What sounds better: Cruiserweight or Light Heavyweight? It’s just a big garble of words to say. Cruiser sounds smooth and sleek. Second, they kept the belt on the inaugural champion for I think 9 months. Dude, that’s freaking stupid. The point of having a title like that is to have a bunch of fast paced matches for the belt.

People aren’t looking for substance in something like this, but rather flash. Third, they had no rivalries or anything like that. It was just a bunch of random one off matches that meant nothing. The other issue with the matches was that they weren’t flashy at all. They were just small guys wrestling. Look at WCW, where the Cruiserweights were a huge part of the show. They’re all over the place with Mexican and Japanese styles and the fans are all over it.

Finally, there was no Mike Tenay or anyone like him. He was annoying to me, but his commentary got the guys over because he was talking about how great they were. Those little stories he told were interesting and you remembered them. That’s what a commentator is supposed to do. The WWF guys would just sit there and say WHOA! The point of this rant/history lesson is that this right here could have been a great division.

With the exception of Radford, these guys are all the right weight and they had the right style. Also, we know these guys. They’re not just random wrestlers having matches but familiar faces having fast paced matches. This, while looking horrible on paper, is actually pretty good. Naturally, none of these guys ever did anything despite getting good reactions, because they’re not 300lb muscle heads.

It’s part of why Vince can’t expand better than he has already: he won’t import and set up new things that he has the resources to accomplish. Ok I think I’m good now. Actually I’m not. Look at the Kid here. He’s a freshly turned heel that has a very limited track record. Wouldn’t being the evil lightweight champion be a great career move for him?

He’s this young guy that sold out and while everyone hates him, he’s the lightweight (I’d call it Flyweight or something like that) champion that everyone hates. Imagine some of the feuds he could have with that before setting up the showdown with Razor (had he stayed).

I’ve said it a million times: the Kid was suited to face small guys but he failed on all levels against big men like Razor. Imagine Hakushi vs. Kid in a 20 minute match to open the Rumble. That’s a freaking classic. But alas, we’re stuck with him wearing a diaper after losing his 128th match in a row to Ramon. Ok, now it’s out of my system for now.

Razor and some of his buddies are watching in the back as Hakushi misses a springboard splash. Kid hits a spinkick to take out the White Angel. Apparently Horowitz is the captain? Then why did they come out to Jannetty’s music and not the Hava Nagila rock song instead? That’s just awesome on so many levels. On top of that, why mention that JANNETTY WAS CAPTAIN EARLIER IN THE FREAKING MATCH?

Seriously, if you’re going to have a team of jobbers, know who the head jobber is. Radford uses the Perfect neck snap that gets no recognition from Perfect. That surprises me. The way Horowitz is laying on the mat it looks like he’s wearing a thong. If wrestling ever dries up, he could strip. It’s not bad. Anyway, Radford beats on him some more but then poses and Horowitz hits a three quarter nelson rollup and pins him to make it 2-2.

Less than a minute later after a fast tag, Kid Hogan pins Barry with a legdrop, which Vince calls a devastating maneuver, to an even bigger amount of booing than he’s used to, which is to say a freaking ton. That leaves us with Marty against Skip and the Kid. Skip and the Kid sounds like the name of a really bad rap duo. When Marty wasn’t looking like a freaking idiot, he was actually pretty good in the ring.

He hits a Rocker Dropper, which is more or less a slow Fameasser on Skip. Perfect says that’ll break your neck. Bad choice of words Curt: it did break someone’s neck once and massive lawsuits against the WWF followed. Granted that’s obscure so he likely didn’t know. Ok, now this part I just don’t get. Marty goes up top, and Sunny shakes the ropes to crotch him. The referee is watching her do this and yelling at her not to, yet somehow this isn’t a DQ.

It doesn’t matter anyway because Marty hits a freaking powerbomb off the top to eliminate Skip. That was awesome looking. We’re down to Marty vs. Kid and if you don’t know who is going to win this then you’re a freaking idiot. Kid hits a running dropkick which is a move that I can never figure out how is possible. Wow that doesn’t sound correct. Both guys go down and we’re at a double count. I have no issue here because they’ve been wrestling a fast pace and they deserve a short break.

For no apparent reason Sid comes out as Jannetty hits one of my favorite moves ever in the jumping back elbow. I’ve always marked like crazy for that move. Ok, now Razor got sent back but Sid doesn’t? Yeah I love wrestling logic. Every time they say Marty I hear Power of Love from Back to the Future. DiBiase distracts the referee and Sid clotheslines him on the top rope as the crowd chants bull for the pinfall.

Kid needs new music that I don’t think he ever got. The big celebration happens. The beat to that song sounds like a faster LOD song, at least to an extent. We see Razor in the back throwing a freaking fit over Kid winning. He chucks a monitor at the wall. DAng man get laid already.

Rating: A-. I really liked this match. On paper this looks freaking awful but it was great in the ring. Like I said, if you just let small guys have a long fast paced match, it’s going to work most of the time. That’s what happened here. There’s no real story here other than 8 guys having a match and it was very, very good. Find this match as it’s worth checking out.

The mostly heel Wildcard team says that Razor better have his head on straight. Cornette’s rant here is great as he looks like he’s about to fly off the floor from his lips moving so fast. Owen says nothing special and Dean Douglas continues to prove that he’s better than Matt Striker at this gimmick.

Alundra Blayze’s Team vs. Bertha Faye’s Team

Since it’s the captains and three Japanese wrestlers each, I’m not going to bother writing out their names because most of them don’t have Wikipedia pages and I doubt more than 5 people have heard of all of them. There’s a big rant coming later about why this is a bad idea, but I’ll save it for after the rating of this match. The only one you need to worry about is Aja Kong for the heel team. The heels get no intro and the faces get something close to one.

Vince immediately tells JR to do the commentary, which is his way of saying I have no freaking clue who I signed for this so get me someone that either knows or cares at all. The bell rings and the botches begin. Yeah this match is rather sloppy. A woman named Chaparita Asari is put in a giant swing by Lioness Asuka which looks awesome. She must have been spun around 12 times. That was impressive.

After it though Blayze gets tagged in for about 20 seconds before slapping the tights of Asari (who stands 4’9) while she’s on the top rope, only to throw out a big flip called the Skytwister Press. It looked awesome as heck either way. It would have even been better if she was closer than the foot off that she was. I mean she missed EVERYTHING. Her arm grazed the other girl, but that was just bad, and considering it was a three foot jump or so, that’s not good.

After some botched chops, Blayze eliminates her with the bad German Suplex that she used. Also on a related note, when women of this era did slams, why did the tuck the head instead of putting their arm under the head? I’ve never gotten that. Watanabe comes in and in one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen, sees Blayze standing between her legs as she’s on the top, and then throws the moonsault anyway. Yeah that was dumb.

Blayze follows that up with a cross body to the floor that almost misses as well. Look, I get that it’s rare to find women that are high fliers like this, but at least hit your opponents please? Hasagawa, a face, hits rolling butterfly suplexes. Ok that looked awesome. Perfect has some really chauvinistic lines. Aja Kong comes in and beats up Hasagawa while we’re randomly thrown to the Spanish commentators. Back to the English guys and JR, who is given the commentary again by Vince.

A big suplex puts out Hasagawa. Less than 30 seconds later, the tiny Asari goes out to a splash and we have our monster. An Earthquake drop puts out Inoue after 40 seconds. What’s with Kong sticking her tongue out with every cover? Does she think she’s the Undertaker or something? In something very smart, the three heels just all go at Alundra at once. That’s really smart.

Eventually it’s Blayze against Watanabe, and after an ok piledriver it’s 2-1 to actually give us a reaction for the first time in this match. I know I’m not saying much here but that’s the first time since the beginning of the match that there’s been more than a minute between eliminations. How much can I say about a girl coming in, getting clotheslined and after a big move getting pinned? The crowd is just dead here until after what’s called a German suplex it’s Blayze against Kong.

Kong hits her in the shoulder as apparently she thinks she’s Rocky Marciano. Both try their finishers but they don’t work and now Kong uses the girth of her stomach to crush Alundra in the corner. We get some decent back and forth stuff until Kong tries to do the Vader body splash thing then beat on her chest.

She does the exact same sequence again before standing her up and hitting the Awesome Kong spinning back fist which hits Blayze square in the arm for the pin. Yep, the women’s champion got pinned by a woman that was never seen on PPV again. Kong uses the old Orient Express’ music which is awesome.

Rating: D. Ok, now I’m waiting on a Joshi or Puroesu fan to come in here and argue with me over this, because I’m going to tear them apart on this one. I’m going to say this once and for all: Japanese wrestling does not now nor has it ever worked in mainstream American wrestling companies. Now before you jump down my throats, the wrestling is traditionally fine. Guys like Chono and Muta can wrestle five star classics and that’s fine.

However, for the most part, these guys never get over and they never will for a variety of reasons. The biggest is clear: we don’t know who these people are. Now I know the biggest argument here is going to be “well then go watch their matches and find out for yourself.” Well no that’s not how it works. When I turn on Raw I don’t want to have to have watched a series of matches to prepare. It’s wrestling, not a college exam.

Wrestling is supposed to be something that anyone can turn on and watch. This is where problem number 2 comes in: we have no idea why these people are feuding. It doesn’t have to be anything complicated, but just tell us why they’re fighting. Is that so hard? I’ve never once heard of a storyline between two big name Japanese stars, not a single one. The system works fine for Japan, but here it’s just a failure. Finally, get wrestlers that aren’t going to botch 20% of the moves they attempt.

I’m sorry, but this was mostly botches. Coupling that with the fact that no one knew who 6 of these women were along with Kong never being seen again other than I think a lone Raw match, this was just a waste of time. The fans were bored out of their mind for the most part too. Bring it on people.

We go to a Bill Clinton impersonator for absolutely no reason. They did this at Mania 10 and the guy was awesome. This is just weak. Bigelow is on his way to the ring and the Lewinsky Enthusiast says he watches Bam Bam every Saturday. He watches Fred and Barney too. Yes, this actually got PPV time.

Goldust vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Goldy is a rookie here, having debuted in late October in one of the worst matches I’ve ever seen. Hopefully this is better. It can’t be worse. Bigelow is the epitome of a jobber to the stars here, despite having main evented an In Your House recently. He would be gone very soon though. This match is just flat out boring. It runs a bit over eight minutes and is just run of the mill stuff. You could see anything here at say an indy show or a house show.

While not entirely a squash, it’s very close to one as Bigelow never really is winning past more than maybe a punch here or there. I get why this is on the PPV, but I wish it was more like 5 minutes or so. There’s just not a lot to say here. Goldust wins with a bulldog. Yep that’s all I’ve got.

Rating: C. Honestly, what else can I give this? It’s a generic match that there’s absolutely nothing special at all about. I can’t really grade it so I’ll just call it average. Goldust is brand new so no one really knows anything about him. It’s fine, but overly long.

Back to the president, who is now chatting with Bob Backlund. Backlund was doing a weird gimmick where he wanted to be President. He actually ran for Congress in I think New Hampshire. Naturally he was destroyed, but at least he tried. These are more bad attempts at comedy.

We get a recap of Taker getting his face crushed by Mabel, which leads us to this.

Dark Side vs. Royals

Dark Side: Undertaker, Savio Vega, Fatu, Henry Godwinn
Royals: Mabel, Jerry Lawler, Isaac Yankem, HHH

Dang I was hoping it would be Darkseid. This is Taker’s first match in I think a month, and that’s the team he picks? Geez. As for feuds, the only one I can think of is HHH vs. Henry which apparently is just getting going. The idea of the other team King Lawler, Isaac is the royal dentist (it’s 1995 just go with it. He’s more commonly known as Kane in case you didn’t know that) and HHH is regal-esque I suppose.

Lawler does a short promo explaining this since at the time he’s the only one that has a clue about how to talk at this point. Mabel comes out on the throne that King Macho used to use. That’s just amusing. He is with Sir Mo, as a small part of my soul dies. The king is wearing sunglasses, but not the kind Savage wore. He could pull those off. Mabel, not so much.

Taker of course gets his own entrance, as he should. He’s wearing this weird mask that looks like a skull mixed with Warrior’s face paint. It’s not paint, but it’s in that shape. It just looked weird. Fatu is in his make a difference era, which was somehow stupider than Rikishi. In a great looking shot, Taker pulls off the hat but the camera is from behind him and we see Mabel’s reaction to Taker’s face. That’s awesome.

The curtsey that HHH used was just sweet. He needs to be a full time heel. Vince says Fatu is one of the premiere athletes in the WWF. That’s beyond laughable. After some stupid fear spots from the heels, we’ve got Godwinn vs. future Kane. WOW. Mr. Perfect refers to Helmsley as HHH. That name wouldn’t actually take effect for over two years. How far ahead of the game (pun intended) was he?

Oh all of the faces are wearing shirts that say Rest In Peace on the back. Wow what a show of team unity that is. While Lawler’s selling was great, Savio continued to be a complete waste of oxygen. He dances a bit and according to Vince, that means “Come on Jerry Lawler get up and let’s go.” Did Vince major in interpretive dance or something in college? It amuses me that of all the heels, Yankem would become the second most successful.

He pulls off a half decent dropkick which amazes me. I’ll never get over a guy that big being able to get in the air like that. It was sloppy but it was good enough I suppose. Vince brags about Vega. Was he an affirmative action guy or something? What talent did he ever have? He takes the Lawler piledriver as we are LIVE from USAir Arena. Can someone explain the point of those to me? I just don’t get it.

Savio gets back in with what we would refer to as a Rock Bottom. It doesn’t have a name here yet though, and it wouldn’t have been wasted on someone like Savio so there we go. Ok, now we have a sequence that is literally too dumb to describe. Ok no it’s not because I’m going to describe it but you get the idea. All right, now you all know that Lawler’s big move is the piledriver. He’s beaten a ton of guys with it and it’s devastating right?

The people were surprised that Vega kicked out of it a few seconds before, so apparently it’s a good move right? It worked on Savio a few seconds before, so logically it should work now. Instead though, Lawler hits it again, and while he’s sitting on the mat, Savio jumps up and dives to his corner to tag Taker, and THEN collapses from it. What in the world was that supposed to be?

Now I could understand if it was a move like a sharpshooter or something where it’s an extremity and you could get to your corner on pure adrenaline. Even a powerbomb or something like that where you land on your back would make something close to sense here, but not a freaking piledriver. You get dropped on your head but apparently Vega has a titanium cranium and can withstand blows to it like that. That just looked so stupid. Sell the move you imbecile.

Now that Taker is in, I think you can figure the rest out. In less than three minutes, two tombstones, a chokeslam and Mabel running means a clean sweep. Taker was AWESOME here as they put him over as an unstoppable force that was obsessed with revenge, which is when he’s at his best.

Above all else: the crowd was white hot for him as he continues to be possibly the most over face in the company at the time. Also, who would have thought that in less than three years, Taker vs. Isaac Yankem would have been the second main event at Wrestlemania with Taker looking like he was going to go down. Taker beats up Mo after the match so this was a good ending.

Rating: B-. This was a tale of two matches. The first part, which is before the tag to Taker, was ok at best. The second part, after the tag to Taker, was awesome. When Taker is used exactly right, he’s one of it not the most exciting wrestlers to watch ever. No one, and I repeat no one, goes off on someone like Undertaker. When he’s ticked off, he’s my all time favorite character to watch. This might as well have been a handicap match.

Taker would go on to feud with Diesel very soon after this. I think it started at the Rumble. Taker and Mabel had a worthless casket match at the next PPV that I actually forgot about. It was just horrible as Vince pulled the plug hard on Mabel and fed him to Taker.

Bret says that he’s not worried about facing Bulldog at the next PPV and that he feels like Wayne Gretzky.

Diesel says he wants the Bulldog too but he’s not sweating Bret. I probably should mention that Smith got cheated out of his title shot at the last PPV and therefore he’s getting a rematch with the winner of Bret vs. Diesel at the next In Your House.

Cornette is now with the other Wildcard team and says he wasn’t with the other one earlier. DiBiase says not to cross him. My goodness what I would give for a long term program between those two.

Wildcard Match

Team 1: Yokozuna, Owen Hart, Razor Ramon, Dean Douglas
Team 2: Shawn Michaels, Ahmed Johnson, Sid, British Bulldog

The idea here is faces mixed with heels. That’s a decent idea actually, but it begs the question of what is this going to accomplish? The point of a Survivor Series match is to continue a feud, but there’s nothing major going on here feud wise. This is Ahmed’s PPV debut, so no one knows much about him. Cornette is trying to figure a way to manage both teams which is amusing. Yoko’s fat has reached gargantuan proportions.

Dean Douglas here is the teacher gimmick that was 100x better than what Matt Striker did with it. Razor’s pop is still solid and he’s STILL the Intercontinental champion. Did he ever lose that thing? Razor’s pop is still solid, but at this point I completely understand him leaving. He’s been stuck in the same place for three years now and is STILL feuding with the 1-2-3 Kid. He could wrestle, he got pops, he could talk, yet he never got out of the midcard. That just makes zero sense.

He easily could have been a main event level guy and maybe even have had a very short title run. Are you telling me people wouldn’t have bought Razor vs. Diesel for the title? I would have been interested in it. At least he was vindicated though as he went to WCW and was a major reason as to why the WWF almost died.

As for why these people are in the match, Shawn is because he’s on the verge of breaking through the glass ceiling, Owen, Bulldog and Yoko are Camp Cornette, Razor and Douglas had fought for the IC Title at the last PPV where Douglas had been awarded the title after Shawn had to forfeit it and Sid had fought Razor on Raw this past Monday. Ahmed is there…just because I guess. He slammed Yoko a few weeks ago so he’s been booked very hard early.

Vince really wanted to make him world champion, but injuries and a lack of talent prevented that from happening. Shawn’s pop is ridiculous. He was in the angle where he had been really badly injured time after time but kept coming back, which would ultimately result in him getting hurt one more time and returning at the Rumble, where he would win it to face Bret in the Iron Man match at Mania. Perfect can’t stand him, saying Shawn has nothing on him.

At least Perfect keeps up his feuds from the past. Ross makes a political analogy out of this which completely fails. Naturally they argue over who is going to start. Shawn can’t find his corner. Yep he’s likely bombed. We start with Shawn and Owen, so this will at least begin well. In case you didn’t notice the first 10 times, this was made by President Gorilla Monsoon. These two start hot with Shawn hitting a very impressive move.

He’s thrown over the top, skins the cat and grabs Owen’s head with his legs to pull him over, and then skins it again to get back in. Who in the world named that move? What kind of a creepy name is skinning the cat? Is that some weird reference that I’m just not getting, or did people actually skin a cat and think this looked like it/ That’s just creepy.

Anyway, they stay hot in the ring. How in the world was this not the main event of the 98 Rumble? Everything was there, yet it never happened. I’ve always thought it was because Shawn was afraid Owen would shoot on him and kill him, which is understandable I guess. Dean comes in and punches Shawn down which is surprising. Shawn has TR on his boots. I have no idea what that means.

This was during the time where Shawn was so far above just about everyone not named Hart that it was a given that he would be in the title picture very soon. This is easily the best time of his career from an in ring perspective. We get the warm tag to Ahmed and Perfect changes his stance on him about every two seconds which is amusing. Now it’s Ahmed vs. Yoko, in a match that could set wrestling back decades.

Thankfully Douglas comes back in. What am I saying? It’s a scary thought when he’s the improvement. Razor shows some heel tendencies by beating on Ahmed a bit in the corner. Honestly, they picked Ahmed to get beaten on out of all the people they have on their team? In a cool spot, Ahmed picks Shawn up and launches him into Dean with a cross body. That was cool. Eventually Douglas tries to bail but Razor stops him before punching his partner into a roll up by Shawn for the pin.

Shawn used the tights, but since he’s almost the top face in the company we’ll overlook that. We move on to Owen vs. Bulldog which should be good. Davey offers a left handed handshake which even thinking about is making typing feel weird. Owen takes it but both have the same idea and punch each other with their right hand. They tag out to Razor and Shawn, who apparently are nervous about fighting despite having had a ladder match two months prior.

Ross gets in either a huge insult or a joke, asking if they can wrestle each other without a ladder. Vince laughs, but it’s one of those that’ll be a week’s pay laughs. They stand there looking at each other for about a minute, so we cut to an arena shot and we can barely see them finally make contact. Dude, were the production people on drugs or something? These cuts make zero sense most of the time.

Anyway, we have them going at it after missing ten seconds of it due to needing to see the 192nd row for some reason. Shawn goes for the forearm but Razor isn’t in place I suppose and it’s more like a shoulder block. Shawn nips up anyway, as Razor suddenly remembers he’s supposed to be up. That was a weird looking sequence. Razor actually gets the Razor’s Edge clean and covers but Ahmed makes the save. That was really surprising.

Shawn ducked and Razor just got him up and hit it like Shawn was a jobber. This is a weird match. Within 30 seconds we have two instances where both guys are down. Oh yeah they’re both in the clique. That’s why this is a weird sequence.

For some reason Sid is facing the crowd as Shawn gets the tag to him and we have Razor vs. Sid now. Has there ever been a more overrated big man than Sid? If there has been I can’t think of one. Naturally he got a huge main event push everywhere he went, but he still was just bad in the ring most of the time. In ANOTHER weird spot, Sid is stomping Razor and Yoko comes in, hits him once, gets kicked in the chest and then leaves as Sid goes back to stomping. Yeah that was pointless.

Oh look two guys are down again. What’s with this stop and go style of wrestling? I really don’t care for it. Sid tries to go to the top but since he used to be a Horsemen, that doesn’t work as he pulls the Flair spot from it. Sid does impress me though as he hits a one handed chokeslam on Razor, who weighs about 270. Wait, why is Sid up that fast after getting slammed off the top? Sid calls for Shawn to kick Razor and you know where this is going.

Yep Shawn kicks Sid but doesn’t really seem to mind. Razor covers him but Bulldog runs in for the save with a leg drop that somehow misses and hits Sid. Razor covers him again like nothing went wrong and pins him. Vince and Ross are confused as to why Bulldog tried for the save there. Maybe because his partner was about to get pinned boys? Could that have something to do with it? Apparently not.

See even Vince and JR can’t figure this thing out and one of them likely came up with it. Ok so it’s 3-3 now as I’m trying to remember who is who here. Ok so it’s Bulldog vs. Razor, making it heel vs. face but the face is on the heel team and the heel is on the face team but the heel on the face team is acting like a heel despite supposedly being a face for this match while the face on the heel team is acting heelish, meaning that everyone is doing their job? I need a chart or something here.

This is like the smark’s nightmare match. As Bulldog is beating on Razor, Sid comes back and powerbombs his partner Shawn. I really hate this match. Oh and Bulldog goes to the apron despite never tagging in Shawn. Shawn of course kicks out to a short but loud pop. We’re back to Shawn and Owen now, which hopefully makes this more sensible. Since that would be the best case scenario, we switch out to Yoko to make this bad again.

JR says this is a bigger mismatch than Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett to really date the show a bit. Uh oh it’s Yoko with the evil nerve hold! They discuss the idea of Shawn being world champion but they’re not sure if it could ever happen, which more or less cements that it’s going to happen in the future. Owen runs in to stomp on Shawn a bit while the referee isn’t looking, which again confuses Vince. It’s run of the mill heel tactics, so why is this weird?

A diving headbutt by Owen misses and allows Shawn to tag Ahmed. A Pearl River Plunge, called the Tiger Bomb which is a better name, ends Owen to make it 3-2. That gives us Razor vs. Ahmed which on paper sounds appealing but in reality it’s not a great match up due to Ahmed’s limited ability. Granted he’s a rookie so I’ll cut him a break here. Razor does manage to get a bad Edge on him but sans tag, Bulldog comes in to beat on Razor instead.

Kid and Sid come out and trip Razor, leading to the powerslam and a 3-1 disadvantage. It’s Yoko vs. Shawn, Bulldog and Ahmed for those idiots out there keeping score. They mention that the next night it would be Shawn vs. Owen on Raw, which is the infamous black out match which led to the Rumble return and victory for Shawn.

Ahmed comes in and slams Yoko (kind of) but the Bulldog breaks it up. Shawn and Ahmed end him, leading to sweet chin music and a splash from Ahmed which for some reason comes with a scream while he’s in the air to end this.

Rating: C+. The wrestling was ok, but I have no clue what the point of this was. It’s one of those matches where it’s just thrown out there to see if it works and apparently they didn’t think it did because it was never seen again as far as I can remember. The psychology was all screwed up here since it was faces and heels together which throws everything off. This was an ok concept on paper, but in reality it was a failure to me.

We kill some more time with Sunny sitting on the fake President’s lap. This is stupid.

We recap Diesel vs. Bret which is part three of a trilogy apparently. I have issues with a trilogy going nearly a year, but whatever. Bret points out that he’ll have the advantage in a longer match, while Nash points out that he is going to try to knock Bret out. That makes sense. Bret says Diesel has been walking about with his title. That makes a bit of sense because Bret got one rematch but there was no winner. That kind of makes sense I guess.

The announcers talk about who will win.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Diesel

Bret gets a ridiculous pop. The announcer calls this the WWF’s Championship. It just sounded weird. Bret is still the only man that can make pink look intimidating. Apparently this is no holds barred which I think was mentioned earlier. Both guys pull a turnbuckle pad off. Yeah it’s no holds barred. They imply they might run out of PPV time, which is a rarity but can happen.

Bret goes for the leg but Diesel immediately goes for a power move. That makes a lot of sense actually as Diesel has the mindset of he can’t get caught with a bad leg. The announcers mention that this could go anywhere which pretty much guarantees that it won’t. Bret keeps running from him which again kind of makes sense as he’s trying to run Diesel down and avoid the big power moves.

Of course Vince thinks Bret is wrong here. I’m sure Vince is right here. After all he’s a former WWF Champion remember? They’re starting really slowly here which is ok I guess. Bret is in trouble and that means it’s a good thing. He’s one of the best ever at just getting beaten up which happens even more with Diesel beating on him with a chair. Back in the ring, Diesel goes for the Jackknife but Bret grabs the leg. That’s so basic it’s amazing.

Bret finally gets to the knee as they try to make this sound like it’s about survival. Perfect says that everyone is the same when they’re on the mat. No not really as Diesel is still really tall. Ross says this is vintage Hart which has now entered the lexicon of wrestling jokes. We hit the figure four so at least the thought process is solid here. Diesel gets the ropes and Bret doesn’t let go. It’s no DQ so what can the referee even do? Not anything when you think about it.

Naturally Bret lets it go because he’s just a nice guy I guess. Bret finds a cord at ringside and ties one end to the post and the other to Diesel’s leg. He can naturally tie knots. He used to be a cowboy after all. Nash fights out of it though so there’s no point to that whole sequence. Now Bret gets a chair, which makes sense because all that cowboy stuff must have worn him out. Diesel’s leg is still tied as he knocks Bret down.

Ok Bret pops right back up and hits him with the chair. Bret gets crotched on the top rope and slammed off as Diesel finally unties himself. Ross suggests that Bret was a boy scout since that was a great knot. No Jim, he was COWBOY BRET HART! Bret goes chest first into the exposed turnbuckle and Vince says he should give up right now, and Vince would know all about when Bret should quit. He would prove that in two years.

Diesel puts Bret in the same position for the 619 and tries to run back and jump on him but he can’t because of the leg. Instead he just jumps in the air and crashes down on him. That’s both smart and stupid at the same time. If his leg is hurt, how can he jump? However, it’s smart because it’s an intelligent and innovative move.

Nash takes a head first shot to the exposed buckle. Perfect says this is a great fight and he’s correct. It’s a bad match though. Bret is in control now as we’re running out of time. He hits that perfect Russian leg sweep of his. I love that move. With Diesel on the floor, Bret goes for a pescado but over rotates and crashes badly. As he’s trying to get back in, Bret gets knocked to the floor through the Spanish Announce Table which deserves its own place in the hall of fame.

This was a new thing at the time so that was considered a huge spot. It’s just a run of the mill table and not the kind they have now so this looks and sounds a lot better than the traditional kind. Back in the ring Bret collapses as Diesel goes for the Jackknife. He picks Bret up again and there is the small package for the title. Diesel calls Bret a few profane words after this before jackknifing Bret in half. He also hits two refs which stuns Ross as Diesel turns heel. We get a recap of the show as we’re done.

Rating: C+. Like Perfect and I combined to say, it was a good fight but not a good match. There’s no flow to this at all as it’s just almost random spots going back and forth. It felt like an Attitude Era title match, which is fine if you’re Austin or someone like that, but Bret didn’t need to use that style and it failed to me. Still, it’s entertaining enough I guess, but I’m rarely a fan of no holds barred matches for the title. It just isn’t my thing. It was ok, but far from great.

Overall Rating: B-. This show is the epitome of just barely above average. There’s some good stuff here but there’s also some bad stuff. There really isn’t a truly bad match outside of arguably the women’s match, but that was something that is going to be loved by marks and hated by smarks so there we go. Other than that, this is pretty good I suppose. The title change was big as it ended a year long run.

Other than that, the matches are all at least decent, but nothing really jumps off the page as great. It’s good for a one time view, but it’s not likely to be something you’re going to watch more than once. Granted I think that has to do with the company as a whole at this point as very little was going right around this time. Still, it’s ok, but like I said don’t get your hopes up.

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Monday Night Raw – August 19, 1996: The Scariest Thing In Wrestling

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 19, 1996
Location: Civic Center, Wheeling, West Virginia
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Kevin Kelly

We’re wrapping up the month here due to the US Open tennis tournament and THANK GOODNESS it’s a new taping cycle. Summerslam has come and gone with the huge surprise of Paul Bearer turning on Undertaker to join Mankind. If nothing else felt different about this feud, that was a game changer after years of Undertaker and Bearer as a team. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We recap Bearer turning on Undertaker, who is totally gone for good.

Opening sequence.

Tonight will see the start of a tournament for the vacant Intercontinental Title so we’ve got brackets:

Owen Hart

British Bulldog

Steve Austin

Marc Mero

Sid

Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Savio Vega

Faarooq Asaad

Intercontinental Title Tournament First Round: Owen Hart vs. British Bulldog

There’s no Cornette for either of them. Bulldog starts fast and monkey flips Owen over, setting up a dropkick to the floor. He’s even nice enough to hold the ropes open like a polite villain. Back in and Owen hits his own dropkick to the floor but Bulldog is right back in to power Owen down. The chinlock goes on, followed by a gorilla press as the screen goes staticy because Undertaker isn’t happy (seriously).

Bulldog chinlocks him again and we hear a NITRO SUCKS chant. Ok to be fair, they were opening with Jim Duggan vs. VK Wallstreet so this is likely the better starter. Granted they also had Chris Benoit vs. Bobby Eaton, Dean Malenko vs. Steven Regal and the Giant vs. Randy Savage so….yeah Nitro is probably winning. Anyway Bulldog hits a quick powerslam but Owen has his foot on the rope. Cue Sunny for no apparent reason and we take a break.

Back with Bulldog missing a running knee in the corner so Owen can start stomping away. Sunny goes on about how bad Cornette is as a manager so we go to an interview with Cornette, who rants about how the company is against him. You have two of his men facing off in a tournament, plus Vader beats Shawn twice but can’t get a rematch??? Don’t worry though because Yokozuna can crush Shawn Michaels tonight since they’re back together.

Jim pauses while Owen grabs the Sharpshooter (or Scorpion Deathlock according to JR) and panics enough that we go back to the full screen for Bulldog’s grab of the rope. Sunny calls Cornette fat as Bulldog suplexes Owen over the top and out to the floor. Owen is fine enough to hit a spinwheel kick to drop Bulldog, followed by a clothesline to put Bulldog into Sunny’s lap for the countout.

Rating: C. The action was good but the ending seems to be setting up something rather than just having a one off match. Owen advancing is as good as anything else so maybe we’ve got something going with the tournament. Couple that with Cornette ranting and raving while Sunny insults him with the best of them and everything else was more entertaining than the match.

Post match Sunny throws a drink in Bulldog’s face and says that Bulldog tried to look up her skirt. Cornette comes out to yell at Sunny, calling her a sl**.

We look at Faarooq attacking Ahmed Johnson and possibly ending his career.

Ahmed Johnson has vacated the title and while he isn’t happy with it, he’s accepted it. JR and King can be heard talking over this.

Newcomer Mark Henry signs autographs for fans at ringside.

Vader vs. Freddy Joe Floyd

Vader gets in Henry’s face during his entrance and Henry laughs at him. We take a break just after the bell and come back with Cornette on commentary as Vader destroys Floyd. The screen starts to go out again and comes back to a pair of Vader Bombs for the pin in a hurry.

Here are Paul Bearer and Mankind for a chat. JR asks the big question and Bearer talks about how sick he was of carrying the Undertaker. He’s done it for six years…and the lights flicker again. Bearer insists that it’s Mankind and not the Undertaker and we see Mankind giving Shawn Michaels the Mandible Claw three weeks ago. Mankind is still sore from the Boiler Room Brawl but he likes the pain.

Now he’s going to be taking the WWF Title at In Your House and making Shawn Michaels a very unsexy boy while destroying the Kliq at the same time. That makes him happy as the lights keep flickering. JR insists that Undertaker is here but Bearer disagrees….and the gong strikes. Bearer’s shocked face is GREAT here as the lights go out and we’ve got druids. They carry Undertaker’s body to the ring, just as they took him away last night. Have they been carrying him around all night? That must be really uncomfortable.

Bearer says this was all his plan and this is just the Undertaker’s dead body. The vermin is probably spitting out his body…but Undertaker pops up and raises his arms to make pyro come out of the posts (it must run in the family). Bearer and Mankind run as they know that they’ve screwed up. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: there is nothing scarier in wrestling than a ticked off Undertaker. Side note: how great is it to just have the next title match set without some big, elaborate segment getting it ready?

The Stalker is coming. Yeah totally better than just having him be Barry Windham?

Battle Royal

Goldust, Savio Vega, Sid, Steve Austin

For the #1 contendership as we’re repeating the final four eliminated from the battle royal two weeks ago because Ahmed is hurt. Goldust jumps Sid during the entrance and we start in a hurry. Sid is triple teamed out in about twenty seconds but comes back in to chokeslam everyone. Austin and Goldust go after Vega until Austin turns on him in a hurry as we take a break.

Back with Vega and Austin down but Austin gets back up and clotheslines Goldust again. A superplex brings Austin off the top and for some reason, Goldust and Austin team up AGAIN, this time with Vega beating them both up. Vega tosses Austin but gets faceplanted by Goldust. The Curtain Call is escaped and Vega hits the spinwheel kick, only to get tossed out to give Goldust the win.

Rating: D. This was pretty worthless but they didn’t have a choice after Ahmed’s injury. It’s not like Shawn vs. Goldust is all that interesting but what else were they supposed to do? I’m not sure if they were going to do Ahmed vs. Shawn in the first place so maybe this is where they were going, though it’s not exactly interesting either way.

Cornette isn’t worried about Shawn.

Shawn Michaels vs. Yokozuna

Non-title and Shawn has Jose Lothario with him. Yokozuna shoves him away to start but Shawn is back with enough right hands to put Yokozuna down in the corner. Cue Cornette as Yokozuna drops Shawn with a headbutt and we take a break. Back with Cornette beating up Lothario on the floor and Yokozuna scoring with the spinning belly to belly. Shawn is back with the forearm and a top rope splash for two. Sweet Chin Music is countered with a Samoan drop but Shawn avoids the legdrop. Now Sweet Chin Music can finish Yokozuna off.

Rating: C-. That would be it for Yokozuna on regular TV and really, it’s hard to argue against it. Yes he could still have a passable match with Shawn but that’s not exactly shocking. He was just so big and there wasn’t much that he could do from a storyline perspective. Other than “he’s big and evil”, what else is there?

Overall Rating: C. It wasn’t a good show but this was an all timer compared to last week’s nightmare. That being said, it might not matter all that much as they’re going to miss the next two Mondays due to the tennis tournament. Mind Games could be interesting with Mankind vs. Shawn, but the lack of TV time to build it up isn’t going to help things. The Undertaker segment is pretty awesome though, as he, Mankind and Shawn continue to be some of the only worthwhile parts of this show.

Remember: no show until September 6, which is a Friday special.

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Monday Night Raw – August 5, 1995: Sign Me Up For Winterfest

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 5, 1996
Location: Key Arena, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 6,755
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross

We’re coming up on Summerslam and Shawn Michaels is still on high. For some reason, tonight’s main event is a battle royal with the winner getting a title shot AFTER Summerslam, because it’s never too early to start planning ahead. Shawn Michaels has all he can deal with for Summerslam with Vader though. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Jerry Lawler is in the ring to start and he has a bottle wrapped in brown paper to talk about Jake Roberts. He wants Roberts to write a tell all book about his drinking but shifts over to Aldo Montoya, who beat him on Superstars last week. Montoya comes out so Lawler pulls out a bottle of Jim Beam as Roberts’ partner.

Aldo Montoya vs. Jerry Lawler

Lawler grabs the mic and talks during the match, before dropping it to ask if Montoya has anything to say to him. The beating is on in a hurry and Lawler drops him with a suplex. Montoya is back with a bunch of right hands and a hard whip into the corner, followed by a top rope right hand to the head. The DDT (how Montoya won last week) sends Lawler into the corner to grab the referee so Montoya hits a backdrop instead. Lawler is right back with the piledriver though and a second finishes Montoya off. Energetic while it lasted.

Post match Lawler pours the booze into Montoya’s mouth. Lawler: “Hey Jake, don’t get jealous!” Referees break it up but Lawler manages to do it again because referees are horrible at their secondary jobs.

New Rockers vs. Bodydonnas

Hillbilly Jim is on commentary and the Rockers jump the Bodydonnas at the entrance. Zip gets dropped onto the top rope to start but manages a small package for two on Jannetty. Everything breaks down with Jim thinking they have a lot left in them. The match has been on for a minute and a half so I’d hope so.

Jannetty sends Zip into the ropes so Skip makes a blind tag as we go split screen to Skip and Faarooq Asaad. Next week Faarooq debuts against Skip, as Sunny’s new man is going to prove that her old man just doesn’t measure up. Faarooq rants about being a tiger from birth and being a maneater. Dude she’s right next to you. Back to full screen with Zip chopping at Cassidy and cutting off Jannetty despite a second blind tag.

As Jim gets in his fifth “you know what I mean” in about three minutes, we cut to the Godwinns and the Smoking Gunns watching the match. As in we aren’t seeing the match at all at the moment. Back again with Skip hitting a top rope headbutt for two on Marty, who is right back up to throw Skip over the top. Cassidy hits a neckbreaker on the floor and throws Skip back in for the two. It’s off to Cassidy to slug away at Skip as we go split screen AGAIN to look at Jim on commentary.

After fifteen seconds of full screen, we look at Gorilla Monsoon reinstating Crush (not named) after weapons and drug charges. Marty pulls Skip down by the trunks and sends him into the corner as we take a break. Back with Cassidy getting crotched on top so Skip can go up, only to have the Gunns run in for the DQ. Jim asks “WHAT’S GOING ON” about five times in a row.

Rating: D. Not only was the match boring and longer than it needed to be before a bad (though logical) ending, but sweet goodness I’ve never seen a match where the company was so uninterested in watching it. This was designed to set up a four way Tag Team Title match at Summerslam but they need a better way to make me interesting. Really dull match here and the cuts made it worse.

Post match the Godwinns come in as well and clear the ring with the Bodydonnas.

Shawn Michaels has been beaten up lately, including by Vader in a six man tag at In Your House IX. He could lose at any given time but he isn’t losing to Vader at Summerslam. Nothing matters to him as much as being WWF Champion and he’ll do anything to keep it. To take it from him means beating everyone behind him and that isn’t happening. Oh and he’d love Bret Hart being back because it’s like peanut butter without jelly. Uh, peanut butter on its own is quite delightful. Shawn talks about how great he is to wrap it up.

As appropriate as it is, we go to clips of Shawn at a house show. In Montreal.

Battle Royal

Undertaker, Mankind, Sid, British Bulldog, Justin Hawk Bradshaw, Owen Hart, Steve Austin, Goldust, Marc Mero, Savio Vega, Ahmed Johnson

The winner gets a WWF Title shot in two weeks, Ahmed Johnson’s Intercontinental Title isn’t on the line and he has a bad kidney coming in. Undertaker SPRINTS to the ring to go after Mankind and they’re both eliminated in about ten seconds. They fight to the back, leaving the other nine to fight on the ropes and tease eliminations. Johnson throws Bulldog out as I try to get my head around Austin having writing on his trunks.

Sid backdrops Bradshaw out in an elimination that would mean a lot more a long way down the line. There isn’t much going on in between these eliminations, making it a pretty typical battle royal. Mero throws Owen out and the big fit takes us to a break. Back (after a video of British Bulldog powerslamming Savio Vega thanks to Jim Cornette) with all six still in it and Mero being backdropped out before I can finish a sentence. Savio hits his running spinwheel kick in the corner but eliminates himself by mistake. Nitwit.

Undertaker and Mankind fight through the crowd, back into the ring, and then back into the crowd. Johnson hits a hard clothesline on Goldust but stops to try and get rid of Austin. Goldust breaks that up as this has slowed way down in a hurry. Sid saves himself and then saves Ahmed as Vince plugs Summerslam every chance he can. Goldust is sent to the apron but pulls himself back in, only to walk into a spinebuster.

We see Undertaker and Mankind brawling in the back and take another break. Back again with the same final four and Sid powerbombing Goldust. He does the same to Austin and grabs a reverse chinlock as Goldust hits a Curtain Call on Johnson. The match is so boring that we go to the back to watch previous clips of Undertaker beating up Mankind.

They do throw in some fresh brawling before we come back to see the same four people having the same fight. Cue Owen and Bulldog for a distraction so Austin can eliminate Sid. Goldust stands back as Austin stomps on Johnson before going with the double cross. Austin saves himself from being eliminated and hammers on Goldust until Johnson kicks him in the ribs.

Johnson and Goldust team up (?) to toss Austin and it’s Ahmed slugging away as we’re down to two. A shot to the face puts Johnson down and Goldust drops an elbow on the bad kidney. There’s a piledriver and we take ANOTHER break as this match just can’t end. Back with Ahmed grabbing….a bodyscissors? They get up and collide next to the rope but Ahmed hangs on by the legs to survive and win the title shot.

Rating: D-. Oh sweet goodness no. I’m not sure what they were thinking here as the match ran about twenty four minutes counting commercials and had the final four after about ten minutes. That’s a very strange layout and it’s not like the sections with the final four or three were anything spectacular. I don’t get this one, but dang Ahmed could have been something had he been remotely healthy.

Post match Ahmed says he and Shawn are friends but a match against Vader sounds like a party. Faarooq runs in for the brawl to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. Justin Credible and Jerry Lawler just had the match of the night and it didn’t even break three minutes. WCW is just killing them at this point and that is getting very obvious in a hurry. The company is looking like a zombie and this show was horrible, with nothing looking interesting outside of Undertaker vs. Mankind. If this is supposed to make me want to see Summerslam, sign me up for Winterfest.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw – April 22, 1996: I Love Cameos

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 22, 1996
Location: Orange Pavilion, San Bernardino, California
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for In Your House and the big deal this week is a match that will have nothing to do with the pay per view. The Intercontinental Title is vacant and instead of having it decided on Sunday, we’re getting the second half of a taped angle that will likely put us right back where we started for Sunday’s title match. I’m not sure why anyone would do that but let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Savio Vega

The title is vacant coming in after Vega hit Goldust with the belt to win the title last week. They slug it out to start with a lot more energy than the first match had to begin. A clothesline and powerslam give Vega two so Goldust bails, earning himself a superkick in the aisle. Back in and Goldust is fine enough to miss a splash in the corner but a low blow cuts Vega off. Lawler starts talking about various news stories because that’s still a thing we do on Raw.

Goldust starts in on the leg by wrapping it around the rope but an enziguri drops Goldust to send us to a break. Back with Goldust staying on the leg and Lawler still reading news. It’s off to a reverse chinlock as things slow way down in a hurry. With the hold boring the life out of the crowd, here’s a promo from Ultimate Warrior, who promises to make Goldust a squealing pig on Sunday. Great: Warrior Does Deliverance. Back to the full screen, Goldust’s cannonball onto the back hits a raised knee but he’s fine enough to drop a leg for two. The announcers talk about the NFL Draft as Goldust gets pulled into the post.

Cue Ted DiBiase and Steve Austin as Vega’s splash hits knees to send us to a break. We come back again with Vega slipping out of the Curtain Call and kicking Goldust in the face. At least he limped a bit between the landing and the kick. Marlena gets on the apron for no apparent reason, meaning there’s no count for Vega’s rollup, which only started after Marlena was on the apron. Austin blasts Vega with the Million Dollar Title and Goldust gets the title back.

Rating: C. This got things back to normal, though I’m not sure what the point was in having the title vacated and giving Goldust another reign as a result. Austin interfering is a good idea and keeps his feud with Vega going, but none of this matters as Goldust injured his knee in between the time this was taped and Sunday. Therefore, Sunday’s match would wind up being as big of a disaster as you could possibly imagine.

Vader vs. Fatu

Somehow Fatu is in the Hall of Fame and Vader isn’t because things aren’t fair in wrestling. We’re joined in progress with Vader forearming him down but missing a seated splash. A running Stunner (a weird move for a big guy) puts Vader down and Fatu’s top rope splash gets no cover as Vader pops up. Fatu gets run over and the debuting Vadersault (with Vince underselling the heck out of it) is good for the pin in a hurry.

We see a clip of Jake Roberts DDTing Owen Hart in German but British Bulldog ran in for the DQ. Jake fought back and gave him a DDT as well, plus put the snake on him for a bonus.

Godwinns vs. Yoshihiro Tajiri/Tim Patterson

Yes that Tajiri. Lawler is off commentary to do something in the back so Vince gets to enjoy some hillbillies on his own. The Bodydonnas and Sunny pop in to brag about being champions, which the Godwinns will never be again. Lawler is back, having seen a surprise that Sunny has planned. Tajiri kicks Phineas down to start and hits the standing moonsault for two. Patterson comes in and gets bearhugged by Patterson as Sunny comes out with the titles. That earns her a chase from Hillbilly Jim’s hunting dog because hillbillies like to hunt. Back in the ring, Patterson gets beaten down and the Slop Drop is good for the pin.

Rating: D. I liked the Godwinns when I was a kid but sweet goodness they don’t hold up well. They’re not funny, it’s one joke, and they’re fighting against two exercise enthusiasts who are somehow the more interesting team of the two. The Sunny thing was just kind of there and added nothing, but at least the visuals were a bit better.

Post match the Bodydonnas jump the Godwinns and shove slop in Phineas’ face.

Mankind vs. Aldo Montoya

Mankind stands in the corner so Aldo dropkicks him, only to be headbutted away. The speeding up right hands in the corner keep Aldo in trouble and Mankind pulls some hair out for fun. You can tell the fans have no idea what to make of Mankind, which is the same reaction that Undertaker received when he debuted. The running knee in the corner rocks Aldo and we take a break. Back with Aldo getting in some right hands but diving into a shot to the face. The Tree of Woe elbow sets up the piledriver and the Mandible Claw completes the squash.

Rating: D+. Just a quick win, even with the rather unnecessary commercial in the middle. Mankind was just a different kind of weird and is one of the creepiest characters ever. You could tell there was something very special about him and that’s the kind of opponent Undertaker needed. Beating up the same giants over and over is only going to last so long (just ask Hulk Hogan) so going with something like this was a necessary as well as very effective move.

Video on Shawn Michaels vs. Diesel. We go over their whole history, which is actually quite the well put together story. It’s why you hear “they can be like Shawn and Diesel” so often today.

Diesel, sounding a bit drunk, joins us from German to say he’s going to hurt Shawn.

Some random people playing guitars take us out.

Overall Rating: D. That’s supposed to make me want to see a pay per view? The closing video was rather good but that’s three minutes on a forty minute show, which really isn’t a strong average. That being said, Sunday is the textbook example of a one match show so focusing the important efforts on that is about as good of an idea as you can have. So much for the hot streak from earlier in the month.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the NXT The Full Sail Years Volume III (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/05/25/new-book-nxt-the-full-sail-years-from-dallas-to-new-orleans/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw – April 15, 1996: Death, Taxes, And Raw Disappointing

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 15, 1996
Location: Orange Pavilion, San Bernardino, California
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

I can’t believe it but this show is on a roll. They’re doing good stuff both on the wrestling and storytelling sides of things and it has me wanting to see where some stuff goes. Having the show still at an hour means things are able to get some focus, which can be lacking if it’s not done right. Hopefully the hot streak continues so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Tonight, Bret Hart breaks his silence about Wrestlemania, all of two weeks later!

Opening sequence.

Leif Cassidy vs. Marc Mero

Sable is here with Mero in her official debut as his manager while Cassidy has Marty Jannetty with him. They fight over wrist control to start with Mero going to the armdrags. A dropkick puts Cassidy on the floor and Mero gets to make his big screaming face which looks like Muhammad Ali when he made a similar face during his old WWF appearances. Mero rams Cassidy into Marty but gets posted for his efforts. Back in and Cassidy runs him over and grabs a chinlock as we take a break.

We come back with Mero being sent outside so Marty can get in some right hands of his own. It’s almost weird to see Marty in the company this late. Cassidy does some dancing as Vince talks about how classy Sable is. Back in and a very fast headscissors with Mero walking around on his hands sends Cassidy to the floor for a big flip dive. Back in and the top rope sunset flip ends Cassidy without much trouble.

Rating: C. Both guys were perfectly fine hands in the ring but Mero isn’t the most thrilling guy in the world. For a TV match this was fine and it makes perfect sense to put Mero over in a match against a low level name, but it’s all about setting him up for the big match with HHH down the line. Not that that’s the most thrilling thing in the world in the first place though.

Diesel calls in to blame Shawn Michaels for all of their troubles. Their match is going to be No Holds Barred and Diesel has a master plan. I think it involves pinning Shawn.

Bart Gunn vs. Steve Austin

They hit the mat to start, which is always so strange to see from Austin. He really was a different worker before his neck injury. Bart headlocks him to the mat and Ted DiBiase doesn’t seem thrilled. Back up and Bart takes a very fast fall to the floor, barely clearing the top rope and sailing outside. We hit the stomping against the barricade before a hard clothesline gives Austin two.

The chinlock goes on as it’s still weird to see Austin wrestling such a standard style. The aggression is there but this feels so strange for Austin. Back up and they both fall out to the floor and it’s off to a break. We come back with Austin kneeing him down for two and the chinlock goes on again. Back up and we get the BAAAAACK body drop on Austin, followed by the running bulldog for two. DiBiase offers a distraction but Austin gets rolled up for two anyway. A jawbreaker gets Austin out of a sleeper and the Million Dollar Dream is good for the win.

Rating: D+. Pretty easily the best Bart Gunn match I’ve ever seen and that covers…oh…I’m thinking nothing of note for the most part. Austin was such a different worker at this point and while he’s still better than most people in the company, he still needs to change things up to really make it work.

Here are Jim Cornette and Vader with the former bragging about Vader destroying Gorilla Monsoon, which was really a lot more awesome than I remember. Now Vader has injured former WWF Champion Yokozuna (the crack on the leg sounded great) and Razor Ramon is up next at In Your House.

Sunny music video, for the sole purpose of having her in swimsuits.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Savio Vega

Goldust is defending and drops to all fours at the bell. The tongue is stuck out but Vega doesn’t seem too disturbed. Things get a little heated and Goldust bails into the corner like a proper freaky villain should. They go into the corner together, this time with Goldust rubbing his hips against Vega’s crotch. Goldust hides in the aisle so Vince asks if he wears boxers or briefs. Why do I have a feeling he really wants to know that answer?

Back in and a side slam finally gives us some offense, followed by a bunch of right hands to Goldust’s head. We come back from a break with Vega hitting a running corner clothesline but Goldust drops him throat first across the rope. That means more crawling around and chest rubbing before we go to a more traditional reverse chinlock. Hang on though as Goldust grabs a mic and threatens to kiss every fan if they don’t shut up. It was a very different time.

Vega gets up with a crossbody for two but Goldust punches him down. Some slaps and more gyrating are followed by a clothesline but Vega kicks him down on the top. Goldust headbutts his way out of a superplex and kisses Vega to the mat, only to dive into a raised boot. Vega makes the fired up comeback and hits some running clotheslines for two as we take another break. Back with the ref getting bumped so Marlena throws Goldust the title. The belt shot misses though and Vega clocks him for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. This took a long time to get going but worked well enough once they started trying. Vega was always good for an energetic effort and I liked him as a midcard guy. Goldust was all mental at this point and while he was good, the mind games were getting a little repetitive. That and trying to get past the horrible Hollywood Backlot Brawl at Wrestlemania was a tall hill to climb.

Hang on though as another referee comes out to raise Goldust’s hand. President Gorilla Monsoon comes out to say that the title is being held up and there’s a rematch next week. That’s quite the fast paced story with the Goldust vs. Warrior match set up for less than two weeks from now. Vince saying that Monsoon’s actions are wise in the vein of King Solomon is a little over the top too but that’s Vince for you.

We get some behind the scenes post match footage from after the Iron Man match with Bret being distraught. By that I mean Bret not being willing to talk and leaving without even getting changed.

Earlier this week, Bret was in Germany and said there were a lot of things wrong with the match. He doesn’t like the rule change with the time being added because Shawn made a mistake and was beaten but they paused so Shawn could have a breather. Bret won’t be going to another wrestling organization, nearly flat out saying he’s not going to WCW, which was probably done to calm down rumors at the time.

Overall Rating: C-. It’s ok and that’s as high as I can go with the whole thing as the hot streak hits a very firm wall. The lack of star power really hurts this one as it’s mainly focused on the Intercontinental Title match, which was only just ok. It also did nothing for the pay per view, which isn’t the best idea in the world with only one more show to go. Oh and that’s going to be about the Intercontinental Title as well. No wonder Nitro was picking up steam at this point.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the NXT The Full Sail Years Volume III (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/05/25/new-book-nxt-the-full-sail-years-from-dallas-to-new-orleans/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6