Survivor Series Count-Up – 1998 (Original): Tournament Are….Usually Not Awesome

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 1998
Date: November 15, 1998
Location: Kiel Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 21,779
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Now this is a time when a year can completely change things around. Shawn and Bret are gone due to Montreal and injuries. Austin is the undisputed king of professional wrestling, and the WWF is back on top in the ratings war. The Attitude Era is in full swing as we have no world champion. With Vince hating Austin completely, he booked Austin in a triple threat for the belt at a PPV.

They double pinned Austin, leading to a one on one match at the previous PPV with Austin as the referee. Austin declared himself as the winner, leading to tonight’s 14 man tournament for the belt. It’s the first Survivor Series match to not have any traditional Survivor Series matches, but the tournament can be viewed as surviving so that’s fine and good. Other than the tournament, there’s a tag title match and a women’s title match. It’s a 14 match card, so let’s get to it.

We get a montage of people talking about how they’ll do whatever it takes to get the title. Remember that for later. The tagline for this show was Deadly Game, which came complete with a catchy song for it. Youtube it as it’s not bad at all. I remember watching this show with a buddy of mine and we were freaking about who could win this.

We were both complete marks at the time, but about a year or two later he would discover a place called Wrestlezone and mention it to me. My life changed forever. Ok so it took 6 years for me to click on the forums part and THEN it changed but you get the idea.

Apparently Vince did the brackets for the tournament. The first round matches are maximum ten minutes, so that’s a plus. Here are your brackets.

Undertaker
BYE

Kane
BYE

Rock
HHH

Goldust
Shamrock

Mankind
???

Jeff Jarrett
Al Snow

X-Pac
Regal

Austin
Boss Man

Kane and Taker were technically both champion before, hence the byes. Rock and HHH in the first round? That’s a heck of an opening match.

We open with…Vince. Yep, the first thing we hear is Vince has something to say. He has a broken ankle at the time thanks to Kane and Taker so he’s got a ton of help. This was actually a big show because for once we’re guaranteed a new world champion. That’s a rare thing. Oh he’s doing the announcing tonight.

First Round: Mankind vs. ???

Mankind was just flat out awesome at this point, as he often was. He was being completely suckered in by Vince to do his bidding because he was dumb enough to believe and trust Vince. Naturally, Vince used him to do his dirty work. As a reward, he gave him a joke: the Hardcore title, which became the hottest thing in the world for all of a week. Also, when Vince was in the hospital, Mankind visited him and debuted Mr. Socko.

He comes out in a tux with the mask, the belt and the sock on. That’s just priceless. He still has that classical music theme as well which is just humorous. There was a HUGE rumor going on at this time that the mystery wrestler would be Shawn Michaels, with even the fans chanting HBK. Josh, the guy I was watching the show with, looked at each other and said no way. He was just too hurt from Mania.

Vince puts on his glasses to read a statement about the opponent. He debuted in 1990, he had a win/loss record that couldn’t be compared to anyone else’s. He jumped ship to WCW but a shoulder injury had kept him out for two years. You can tell the audience is really puzzled over who this is going to be. It’s Duane Gill. No one, and I mean NO ONE got this. Gill was a jobber that never won a match on WWF TV.

This would be like bringing Reno Riggins in for a match. The fans are TICKED. His video is him taking a bunch of people’s finishing moves. He pulls an Eric Young and is scared of his pyro. Apparently he coaches an elementary school football team. I wish my elementary school had a football team. Anyway, the match lasts about 30 seconds. Mankind hits a double arm DDT and uses a rolling ¾ nelson, and I’m not making that up, to get the pin.

This was actually significant, in that it seemed as if Vince was hand picking Mankind to win the tournament. Also, JR mentions Mr. and Mrs. Foley’s baby boy, which is kind of sad as Foley’s father passed away yesterday. From what I read in Have a Nice Day, he was a good man. That’s sad.

Rating: N/A. This will be likely for a lot of matches tonight. How can I rate a thirty seconds match? Eight days later, Gill would win the Light Heavyweight Title (beating Christian of all people) and become Gillberg. I’m sure you’re familiar with that.

We see a clip of Sable getting beaten up by Jackie on Heat and then Cole is in her locker room. Sable as always is a whiny witch that can’t act or fight. She really annoys me most of the time.

First Round: Jeff Jarrett vs. Al Snow

The winner here gets Mankind. Jarrett has Debra McMichael with him now. I know you know who that is but that’s what they call her here. There’s a guy with a sign that says Jarrett is the guy you hate to hate. Does that mean he likes Jarrett? Also there’s a sign that says I need Head. When I saw that I forgot about Snow, so I was surprised. For once, Debra actually looks hot. Snow’s pop is MASSIVE.

He really could have been a solid midcard guy. He certainly had the crowd support. Apparently Snow has stolen Socko, so Foley’s was a forgery. Snow is just freaking creepy on a lot of levels. He lands a sweet cartwheel over the top rope to counter an Irish whip. That was awesome. This is actually a pretty good little fast paced match. Obviously they’re not going to get enough time to blow anyone away, but I like what I’m seeing so far.

These are two guys that can go in the ring and if they were given enough time, this would have been a very good match I think. Both guys get the others’ weapons but Snow gets hit with Head in the back which doesn’t even knock him down. He gets Head from Jarrett and gives Head to Jarrett’s head to end this.

I wanted to see more of the match and less Head. Ross points out that the next WWF Champion could be holding a severed head wearing a tube sock. That sums up the Attitude Era. Debra has nice legs.

Rating: B+. This is hard to grade, but I really liked the little bit that I got to see. Both guys were crisp in the time that they had and it’s a match that you don’t get to see that often. I like Snow’s in ring work more than Jarrett’s so I’m happy here.

First Round: Big Boss Man vs. Steve Austin

There’s no transition here at all as we just go from match to match. I’m not a fan of that style. The pop for Austin is just ridiculous. He had been fired by Vince but Shane hired him back for 5 years. Amazingly, he wouldn’t last in the company that long. They brawl in the aisle to start as this is Vince vs. Austin in essence. Oh there’s the bell so that was pre match stuff. This is really just a fast forwarded match.

It’s a brawl as you would expect, but it’s just not that entertaining because they have less than four minutes to do anything. We see a split screen of Vince, Slaughter and Patterson watching this. There’s no Brisco so I’m assuming he and Patterson broke up for awhile. The announcers point out that Bossman might just be here to beat up Austin instead of advancing, so Boss Man is your Andre the Giant and Vince is your Ted DiBiase in this tournament with Austin as Hogan.

At least they waited ten years to recycle the tournament PPV formula. They go to the floor and Boss Man drills him with the night stick in front of the referee to end it while advancing Austin. Wouldn’t it have been smarter to try to beat him now? If nothing else you can beat on him and then also possibly take him out.

The result is the same but it takes more out of Austin and it could potentially eliminate him period. I’m no evil genius though. Austin gets a pop for winning despite having his face beaten in at the moment. The beating goes on way too long as shockingly they’re short on time I guess.

Rating: D. Again, it’s not even four minutes and 40 seconds of it is a rest hold. What do you want me to say here? It was bad for the most part, but it was all storyline here anyway so that’s fine I suppose. You have to love the Russo style here of flash with limited actual wrestling involved. That’s always a good thing to have.

Cole is with Vince and asks him if he’s worried that Austin has advanced. Vince of course isn’t.

First Round: X-Pac vs. Steven Regal

Winner gets Austin and X-Pac is European Champion here. This match is completely made of win because of one reason: we get to hear Regal’s MAN’S MAN SONG!!! Oh I’m all giddy.

Regal was fired for working VERY stiff against Goldberg and making him look awful in the ring so he came to Vince and this is what he got for his trouble. It’s since become one of the most popular gimmicks ever, based on how absolutely freaking SWEET the song is. Apparently mixing concrete makes you a man. My grandmother is a REAL MAN’S MAN. Ross is on this weird kick of saying how old everyone is tonight.

King starts singing the song. He should stick to Wimpbusters. Pac gets a sweet spin kick early on. He’s against a smaller man so this should be decent. After saying how old Pac is (26), he calls Regal Blackman twice in a row. King points this out to him and of course Ross is offended. He got the idea from Regal being from Blackpool. At least that makes sense. The fans don’t like Regal so he poses for them.

In a cool looking move, Regal uses a slingshot, but instead of the corner X-Pac just lands on his face. That was awesome. Regal puts on a bad looking submission, which prompts Ross to say he’s looking for a submission. Well gee Jim thanks. I thought he was looking for 38 cents he lost in my couch last Thursday. Vince and co. are looking on as apparently Brisco bought Patterson a flower so they’re ok now. Brisco says that Austin will face neither guy.

In another odd looking but cool spot, for some reason X-Pac and Regal are both face down and Regal has his legs wrapped around Pac’s head. Pac flips forward and grabs the legs. So he’s laying next to Regal but is pulling backwards on his crossed legs in the same way you would for a Sharpshooter while lying down. That’s quite freaky looking. For no apparent reason, they argue over who Jesse Ventura would want to win. X-Pac holds his neck and clearly shouts OH SNAP.

As good as this match has been, X-Pac using the Bronco Buster just drains it. I can’t make it clear enough how much I hate that move. It looks completely ridiculous, so it’s become a staple of the product. They go to the floor and fight over a suplex but both guys get counted out to send Austin to the final four. That was good while it lasted. Vince isn’t happy but he wants overtime.

BUT WAIT!

Vince gets his wish, and we have a five minute overtime. The Fink calls it sudden death, but isn’t every match sudden death? X-Pac can’t fight because he’s hurt, so it’s over. Shouldn’t Regal just move on if they’re redoing the match? Apparently not which makes ZERO sense but whatever. Also, if Vince made the brackets why didn’t he give Austin someone harder than Regal or X-Pac in the second round?

Rating: B. This was another match that I wanted to see more of. This is the problem with big one night tournaments: you can’t see everything you want to. These guys got about 8 minutes though so I guess that’s pretty good.

They worked well together and if I’ve said it once I guess I’m now saying it twice: X-Pac needed to only fight average or small guys. His stuff goes through the roof against them because it looks believable that what he’s doing would be effective. For some reason they never got that. Anyway, this was quite good in my eyes.

First Round: Ken Shamrock vs. Goldust

Shamrock is the IC Champion at this point. The in the zone thing was always humorous to me for some reason. You know since he first got to the WWF, Goldust has really had no gimmick. I know that sounds ridiculous but think about it. What does he do that’s odd anymore? He has the stupid random stuttering thing but that’s once in awhile. Other than that, he’s just a guy in face paint and a weird looking costume.

The movie thing is gone, the inhaling is gone, everything is pretty much gone. He’s just Goldust. I guess that comes with being a veteran though. Apparently after leaving his wife and responsibilities last year he’s back with them now and Terri is pregnant again, but he’s leaving her. This would lead to the female stable known as PMS which was just a mess. Shamrock has won two tournaments already this year so he could be a big favorite in this one which makes sense.

Ross says he likes the ten minute time limits and I’m disagreeing with him again. They should have gone with longer matches and just 8 people. Honestly, would anyone have missed Regal and Pac in there? There had to be four others you could drop in there somewhere. As Ross talks about how great an IC Champion Shamrock is, you can hear the referee say “get it back in the middle of the ring and you have three minutes.” Well that’s good to know.

Shocky was right. It completely sucks the life out of a match. Shamrock is just dominating here as there was never any doubt he would move on. Goldust is another guy you could drop from this. He was just a jobber at this point living off of past success. My goodness I popped in the wrong show. I wanted the 98 show not the 09 one. Oh never mind.

It’s just that Goldust hasn’t done anything in 11 years. My mistake. He goes for Shattered Dreams which misses as Shamrock hits a sloppy top rope hurricanrana. That leads to the belly to belly and the ankle lock for the tap. Thankfully JR didn’t say tapping like a drunk man, because THAT MAKES NO SENSE.

Rating: D+. This was just boring. In something that won’t be said often tonight, that went on too long. It was a complete squash and just wasn’t any good. Granted it was supposed to be just an easy win for Shamrock so at least they got that right. Waste of a match though as 14 people is just too many.

After cutting back to see Shamrock leaving for about a second, Cole has an update on Austin. After the update, we know nothing new.

First Round: Rock vs. HHH

Rock’s pop isn’t that special actually. The winner gets Shamrock. Apparently Vince doesn’t like Rock either. I don’t think there was a reason given for that but whatever. HHH gets a good pop as this is a rematch from the epic ladder match from Summerslam which played a big part in Rock turning face. As the DX song and video plays, we get the Stooges. HHH isn’t here tonight apparently due to injury.

They try to play it off as a no show but it’s actually a knee injury. Rock’s sideburns are odd looking. Patterson says that there won’t be a forfeit and the replacement is Boss Man again. Boss Man gets a running start to the ring and it’s over. In the fastest match in company history, Rock wins in four seconds by grabbing Boss Man as he gets in and rolling him up as the bell is ringing.

Rating: A. For are you kidding me? Like I can grade this. So Jericho and Boss Man are eternally linked, as Jericho beat Rock and Austin in one night and Boss Man lost to them both in one night. In something that I really laugh at, the slow motion replay is a full ten seconds long. That’s just great.

Here’s your updated brackets.

Undertaker
Kane

Shamrock
Rock

Mankind
Al Snow

Austin
Bye

Hmm, which of these people don’t fit in with the other six?

Quarter Finals: Kane vs. Undertaker

This is the next chapter in the absolute never ending feud with Taker and Kane. Paul Bearer is with Taker again. The second round matches are 15 minutes. Bearer joined Taker again when he co won the title. This is happening because both guys pinned Austin at Judgement Day. Apparently cursing someone can be forgiven provided storylines need it. Both entrances here are just sweet, but WAY too long.

How ridiculous is it that we’re on the seventh match of the night already? It’s always amused me that Kane is supposed to be this freak that’s been kept away from society all his life, yet he’s a trained wrestler. Also, why is it that no one has ever physically dominated the Undertaker like everyone that faces him? Listen to any feud that Taker has with a big man and I guarantee that Ross will say that about him. It gets old after awhile.

Again, this is a fast paced version of what could be a good match. There’s a natural chemistry here between these two that never fails to at least be watchable. Taker actually sets up for a figure four. That’s just an odd idea. He’s going for the leg. Is that psychology from the master of the psych out?

Kane actually jumps over the top rope to get to the top for the clothesline. He follows it up with a chokeslam as Bearer gets on the apron. Thanks to the distraction, Taker gets the Tombstone to end it, despite Kane’s foot being under the rope.

Rating: C-. This was somewhere between a bad and fast fight and a train wreck. The time limit and lack of emotion here are clear, which is the stupid part of tournaments. Taker could barely beat Kane with three Tombstones in 25 minutes at Mania, yet he beats him here in seven minutes with one. It’s just the fast forwarded version with no time at all to build up stuff.

Quarter Final: Mankind vs. Al Snow

Again, no transition at all and we’re just on the next match. I hate that. It’s a WWF tape and it skips right when they say WWF Title tournament match. That’s just creepy. Vince McMahon has the power to go back in time and change things apparently. You have to love those panda lovers. Since we can’t remember 45 minutes ago, we get a recap of Snow vs. Jarrett.

Apparently Vince stole Socko. After a few minutes of bad and bland offense, Foley gets head from Snow and gets his sock back. He then starts beating Snow’s Head. Yep, it’s getting worse. Snow hits a sit out power bomb/spinebuster that was cool. Socko puts Foley in the final four where he’ll get Steve Austin.

Rating: D. This was just boring. I’m sorry a lot of these are short but there’s just not enough to talk about. My stories/jokes about wrestlers are used earlier in the night and there’s absolutely no story in these matches at all. It’s just two guys filling time in the ring with stupid pointless matches until we get down to the important stuff.

Quarter Final: Ken Shamrock vs. The Rock

Winner gets Taker in the next round. We get a replay of both guys winning, including the whole match against Boss Man. That’s just amusing. This is a rivalry that Rock just flat out lost, yet somehow never lost the belt to him. You have to love WWF logic sometimes. The problem with tournaments is already coming through: it gets tiring seeing the same people every night. The chant is now Shamrock Sucks rather than Rocky Sucks, so there we go.

Shamrock was kind of limited as a character in the same was Benoit was. He was great at submission stuff, but he had little to his character and it hurt things for him. There was really no emotional investment to be made with his character and it was very clear. Ok, he’s a great fighter and submission guy. Why should we care? And that is why Benoit’s title reign failed, along with the fact that the real main events were HHH vs. Shawn during his time with the belt, but whatever.

You can tell they’re a bit tired also. I know they have the endurance to go longer than they’ve gone so far, but for Shamrock at least this is his second match. It must be draining to get yourself up for a match then have to do it again. Rock had a 4 second thing so I can hardly count that as a match. Speaking of the devil, here comes Boss Man. He sucks too according to the people.

I’ll give the crowd this: they’ll let you know what they think of you. Shamrock initiates his ending sequence and hooks the ankle lock, but since Rock is a face now it doesn’t get the tap. Boss Man still hasn’t actually done anything so at least he’s living up to his previous reputation. We get a double clothesline so both can take a quick rest. There’s really not a lot of interesting stuff in this match as the first six minutes or so were nothing more than just uninteresting back and forth offense.

Rock gets a low blow and the People’s Elbow but Shamrock kicks out. STOP EVERYTHING! JR DID NOT LIKE THAT CALL! Well, I guess that means we have to stop the show and redo the whole tournament. JR isn’t happy, and when JR isn’t happy, the world must bow to his wishes or dare we try to face the horrors of a JR disrespect rant.

It’s been at least a month since he last complained and whined so he must need to here soon. Rock Bottom is countered into a belly to belly, but Boss Man throws Shamrock the nightstick but Rock intercepts it and drills Shamrock for the pin. That’s a very un People’s Champion like thing to do isn’t it?

Rating: C-. This was just not that good. It was about eight and a half minutes, but they were just going through the motions to a dangerous degree. The last two minutes of it or so were fine, but other than that this was just dull. The fans didn’t really care that much either since until you get to the final four like will be up next, why should we care really? It’s just random matches that aren’t going to mean anything until later on, so why care? I certainly don’t.

Final Four:

Rock
Undertaker

Mankind
Austin

What are the odds that the four biggest names in the company would be the final four? I never for the life of me would have guessed that.

Paul Bearer says Taker will win.

Women’s Title: Sable vs. Jacquelyn

Oh this is going to SUCK. At this time, Sable was supposed to be the best women’s wrestler of all time, but there was one small problem: SHE SUCKED. Sable was over completely for her looks and nothing more. At Summerslam she had the most disgusting match I had ever seen, as Edge did all of the work for her yet Sable got every single bit of the credit. I hated that to no end.

It was always all about Sable and making sure she was happy when she was just horrid in the ring. She’s the epitome of everything that is wrong with women’s wrestling today. She’s there because she looks good in a swimsuit and she can barely wrestle safely let alone wrestle well. Because she has a massive chest though, she’s getting a lot of TV time. Ross says he watched Lawler every day and learned a lot from him.

There’s something you don’t hear every day. Apparently Sable has been training extra hard for this match. That can’t be a good sign. She uses the TKO, which is a cool move, but of course she does it wrong and lands on her knee, making the move look completely weak. Mero pulls her out though to prevent the three. I knew I hated him for some reason. Shane is the referee here as he’s being punished by Vince for being a bad little boy.

Sable hits her bad powerbomb on Mero on the floor, nearly breaking his neck. Why is that supposed to be impressive anyway? Oh look she can do sloppy moves on men. BIG FREAKING DEAL! Jackie has part of Sable’s hair that she cut off a few weeks ago. That’s just creepy.

At least she can wrestle, and with her on offense, not only is it better, but Sable gets beaten up. And just as I say that Sable counters to take over again. After another bad powerbomb and NO build to it, Sable is the Women’s Champion. Just shoot me now.

Rating: D. It was three minutes long, and most of that was sloppy. Once again, the attractive yet untalented wrestler gets the belt. Ross immediately says she’ll be the first to say she’s not the most polished but she’s worked the hardest. That’s the nice way of saying we know she sucks but she’ll have a photo shoot a week now for all the 12 year olds watching.

Semi Finals: Mankind vs. Steve Austin

We get recaps of both guys’ victories from earlier in the night in case we forgot already. I’ll never get why Vince thinks we’re that stupid. Remember Austin got beaten up earlier by Boss Man who has now been involved in three matches. I’m sick of him already. Vince and the Stooges come out after Austin hits Mankind with a slipper. You read that right and it’s better if you don’t ask. Foley is in the shirt and pants now so he’s looking a bit more like his traditional self.

In a weird sequence, Austin and Foley are fighting, and Foley hits the floor and, well I guess you could call it sprinting, sprints to the entrance. He’s stopped by Patterson and Brisco, but Austin comes and fights more. That was random. Since it’s the Attitude Era there’s a long brawl on the floor. McMahon won’t let the referee count. Why not? If both guys get counted out then they’re both eliminated so Austin wouldn’t be champion. Isn’t that what Vince ultimately wants?

I guess it’s because Mankind is the hand picked champion? Only in the Attitude Era do you need a scorecard to keep track of a match. It’s time for a bad rest hold now as Foley sits on Austin’s back with his hands on his face. Time for the double clothesline spot because we need to kill even more time. I remember back at Mania 4 they talked a lot about how you had to have stamina to get through one of these.

Call me crazy but I think Savage was in better shape back then than Foley is in now. Granted that’s just a hunch. Foley brings in a chair but it gets kicked in his face, which for some reason isn’t a DQ. It’s another instance of Vince making the rules up as he goes. Austin gets the Stunner but Vince jumps out of his wheelchair to break up the count before hitting the referee. Ross is of course ticked but Lawler shouts about how it’s a miracle.

Austin counters the Mandible Claw into another Stunner as Shane runs out for the pin. He gets to two and stops so he can flip Austin a double bird, turning heel and joining Vince again. Austin goes after him and the chase is on. Ross’ shouting of WHAT, WHAT, WHAT the heck is going on is rather amusing. Austin whispers a spot to Mankind who clotheslines him down. Slaughter comes in and grabs Austin while Brisco gets a bad chair shot to Austin for the pin.

Foley looks right at him while he’s doing this but Ross says he might not have seen it. I love spots like that where by simply watching the scene you can tell the announcer is wrong. That’s kind of a weak way to get rid of Austin but that’s just me. They begin the references to Montreal as my head begins to hurt.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t bad but it wasn’t great. Again, it’s just hard to get into a match like this when these two had an great match a few months ago that went about 25-30 minutes while this one just breaks 10. I get the tournament and the time issues, but this is one of the big dangers in it and it shows here. It’s an ok match, but by comparison this isn’t great.

On a side note, Mick Foley might have the best win/loss record against Austin of anyone I can remember after Austin won the title (so no Bret Hart). Think about it. They had two world title matches which were split, Foley pinned him at Summerslam 99 to win the title, and now this. Unless I’m missing a match and I likely am, that’s 3-1. For a guy like Austin, that’s very impressive.

We see Vince and co. running as Vince chases. Austin steals a car, throwing the driver out of it which is funny, and drives off. He’s in his gear, so what would it be like if he got pulled over? That would just be amusing.

We recap what we just saw, and wonder why Shane rehired Austin just to turn heel here.

Semi Finals: Undertaker vs. Rock

Lawler gets in a Groucho Marx line so I’m happy with him again. I didn’t know I was unhappy with him but oh well. Let’s recap both guys getting here because we have nothing better to fill the time up with. This is a rivalry that you don’t see a lot of but it’s certainly an interesting one. Since there was only three minutes of it in the previous match, they brawl on the floor for the early part of this match. Don’t you just love late 90s booking?

They’re in the ring now but they’re going very slowly at the moment. That’s likely better for Taker but for Rock I’d prefer him to go a bit faster. After a lot of slow back and forth stuff, Rock gets tied up in the ropes. He gets out, but even with him standing up and his arms clearly not tied anymore, Taker doesn’t notice. And this guy is supposed to be the master of psychology?

They go to the floor (shocking isn’t it?) and JR points out that if there’s a double count out then Mankind is the new champion. Hearing these words, Lawler screams. That was comical. Ross is wondering how Shane can look himself in the mirror again. Dude it’s wrestling. Ross gets in a small line about how he’s never been in Vince’s house because Vince always fired him elsewhere. Dude, LET IT GO!

Without saying it, Ross points out that there was no point in the face turn for Shane if they were going to turn him heel again this fast. And he’s right. Once again it’s all about the McMahons instead of the actual wrestlers. My goodness Boss Man is here AGAIN. That’s FOUR matches he’s been involved in tonight. That’s as many as whoever is going to win the tournament. In a funny spot, Rock hits a Samoan Drop and does the Taker sit up and the screw you sign to Taker.

Naturally, the announcers are talking about Austin and the McMahons because a solid little comedy moment can’t be acknowledged when Vince has things to do on the show. Rock sets for the elbow but Boss Man hooks his foot and Taker sits up. Now Taker hits Boss Man. In a strange way that makes sense.

Taker chokes Rock as Kane comes in and chokeslams Rock. Lawler thinks they’re back together but it makes sense as Kane just cost Taker a spot in the finals. That’s actually very smart booking. It protects both guys and bangs Rock up for the finals. Kane and Taker fight through the audience.

Rating: B-. It was slow but it was solid. The ending was a bit out there but it made great sense in this case. While not great it’s one of the better matches of the night. Rock and Taker is a pairing that I always wanted to see more of and while they had some short feuds, there was never a huge one and that always puzzled me. Either way, this was good enough but you can tell they’re getting a bit tired.

So the finals are Rock vs. Mankind.

Mankind says he can win tonight, if you smell what the sock is cooking. The look on Cole’s face might be the funniest thing in the history of the Survivor Series.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Headbangers vs. D’lo Brown/Mark Henry

I was going to post the match, but I couldn’t find a version online. The Outlaws are the only tag team in the world worth watching at this point as the Dudleyz were in ECW, Edge and Christian and the Hardys had no clue what they were doing yet, and the Outsiders were kind of feuding. As Road Dogg does his thing, there’s a sign that it’s literally taking 12 people to hold. That’s RIDICULOUS.

On Heat all four guys beat up the Outlaws to try to make it seem like there’s a chance here that we could have new champions here. Spoiler alert: there’s no chance that’s happening here. This is the epitome of a filler match. Billy just doesn’t look right in all black. Naturally the Outlaws get the living tar beaten out of them for most of the match. Did you expect anything else? This is just dragging on forever.

Usually I watch a few minutes of a match and comment on it in here, but I’ve gone 7 minutes here and there’s just nothing to say. It’s not good, it’s not bad, it’s just there. I mean there is nothing at all special about this match that would make me interested in it at all. Ross is talking about the next match which I would be doing as well since there’s just nothing at all here of note.

There are no comedy spots, there are no cool looking sequences, there are no near falls, there’s nothing really bad at all either. It’s just six guys going through the motions and filling in PPV time. Actually 5 since Billy isn’t in this at all for the most part. We get a mixture of finishing moves that do nothing and the Billy hits a random and bad piledriver to end this mess. Post match the Dog says noting of importance.

Rating: F. This was nothing. I mean it was ten minutes of just filler which is awful in my eyes. Some people might like this and I can get that, but for me it was a complete and utter failure. No one with a brain thought there would be new champions tonight, and why should we have? Look at the opponents. This was a waste of time, but it was filler so what can I say?

Since we’re about to have the WWF Title match between Rock and Mankind, let’s talk about Austin and how he got robbed instead. Seriously, that’s all the recap is.

WWF Title: Rock vs. Mankind

Mankind apparently doesn’t get what’s going on. He’s not Eugene people. Rock looks more tired now than he did before he rested, but whatever. I almost forgot: Raw was in Rupp Arena the night after this, which is five minutes from my house. For some reason that I’ll never get, I didn’t want to go. The McMahons are still here too. They start with a lockup as most matches do.

Lawler defends Mankind of all things as JR mentions that WWF people will be on the Home Shopping Network in a bit. That’s even odder. Lawler gets in a little jab about how the people will get to see all of this PPV. What he’s referring to is Halloween Havoc 98. It was a double main event with Hogan vs. Warrior and DDP vs. Goldberg.

However, because we just HAD to have matches such as Saturn vs. Lodi and Wrath vs. Meng, the PPV ran long and the feed cut off at 11, right in the middle of the main event and Goldberg’s best match of his career. WCW aired the main event the next night on Nitro, which is both good and bad at the same time.

It’s good in that they get to have a PPV match for free on television because it’s practically a guaranteed ratings boost, but it’s rude to the fans that paid for it because everyone else is getting to see what the PPV fans paid for. Why should everyone else get to see it for free? The little jokes by Lawler and Ross here are amusing. Given the two people that we have in the ring, the inevitable brawl starts almost immediately.

You can tell that the fans are a bit worn out here. This is the fourth match for both guys so it’s not like these two are fresh faces. Three and a half minutes into the match, Vince and Shane, who is dressed as a referee, comes out to ringside. JR is hurt by Shane being a jerk. In that case, I hope Shane prays for forgiveness, for my God have mercy on he that hurts JR. Naturally Rock and Mankind take it to the floor. This is just getting stupid with how much they do this.

And now they’re deep in the crowd. I love how despite them having no real issues other than being in this match, they’re having this wild brawl. That cheapens things, but that’s what the Attitude Era is all about I suppose. We’re back in the ring now and Rock has a chinlock. It never ceases to amaze me how the Attitude Era is known for being all about excitement and intensity, yet most of the matches are really slow and methodical.

Ross more or less says that both guys are spent. Why? Both more or less had a bye in the first round with the longer of the two matches going 33 seconds. Snow isn’t really that tough of an opponent either, so Mankind more or less had a sparring session, a warm-up, and a real match and now this, yet he’s spent? Rock I can kind of understand as he had two decent length matches, but they shouldn’t be sucking wind or anything. I don’t get that.

We’re on the floor again and Mankind uses a chair. Rock counters and gets the steps on him which he beats with the chair. I get that it would hurt, but I don’t think it would be anywhere near as bad as it’s made out to be. Think about it for a minute. The steps are already on him right? Therefore there’s no major impact between them and his body after the initial shot with them. The chair would really just make them vibrate wouldn’t it?

After another brief stint in the ring, it’s naturally time to go back to the floor. Mankind hits the Cactus elbow from the apron to the floor and puts Rock on the announce table. He pulls a Hogan and legdrops him on it but instead of breaking through it Rock just slides off of it. JR is just flat out annoying here, yelling about all kinds of stuff without ever saying anything at all of importance but having all kinds of people likely praise him for it.

We go back in again and hit another chinlock. That’s the pattern of this match: big violent sequence outside and then a chinlock in the ring. After that, redo it but reverse the roles. That’s just kind of stupid when you think about it. This just isn’t that great of a match. It’s ok, but there’s just nothing excellent about it.

For the fourth time in less than fifteen minutes of this match, we go to the floor. Mankind dives from the middle rope through the Spanish table, because that’s just tradition. Back in the ring, Mankind kicks out of the Elbow. Because that move completely sucks, Mankind is up and hits the double arm DDT and grabs the sock.

The Claw gets two arm drops from the Rock but he counters into the Rock Bottom. However, it looks freaking stupid though because he gets Mankind set for it and then waits seven or eight seconds. Ok wait a minute. Why wouldn’t Foley be able to elbow him or something? Rock had been in trouble for awhile and since it can’t take a ton of energy to use the Claw, are we supposed to believe that Foley is drained of energy?

After not getting a pin with it, Rock gives the eyebrow to Vince and sets up a Sharpshooter. Yes, that’s how this ends: a Montreal reference. Rock goes corporate, turning heel and joining Vince as we reveal that Mankind was just a pawn like everyone knew he was and that Rock was Vince’s man the whole time. Vince gets on the mic and says the people screwed the people, just in case we didn’t get the Montreal reference the first time around.

Rock really looks awesome with that belt to be fair. Mankind is in the corner and looks heartbroken. I love how he went from being this clueless putz to being one of the wittiest guys in the company more or less overnight. Vince says the Rock hates the people. Rock gets on the mic and more or less says screw the people. Foley says he never quit as Rock hits him with the belt. In a moment that wasn’t supposed to be funny, Rock has the belt over his shoulder and Vince takes it to put it around his waist.

This takes forever and once he gets it on, within a second or two Rock takes it back off and puts it on his shoulder again. And cue Austin. He hits the ring and we have a Wrestlemania main event. Austin hits a Stunner that amazingly enough Rock sells correctly. He throws Rock and the belt to the floor and then gives Foley a Stunner for no apparent reason.

After beating on the Rock some more, we’re out. In a bonus we have some extra footage of Rock backstage where he just acts like a heel which is completely pointless footage.

Rating: B-. It was certainly ok, but it’s nothing special. More than anything else this benefits from actually having a decent amount of time. I wouldn’t have gone with Austin running in at the end and beating up Rock but rather have just had the three hold up their hands and end like that, but what they did is ok I suppose. Anyway, this was certainly a decent enough match but there was too much brawling for my taste.

Either way, these two had awesome chemistry together and it showed here, but this isone of their weaker matches, but it was their first time so I’ll let that slide. This would lead to what I felt was an outstanding feud between these two with them trading the title back and forth about 3 times over the next three months before Austin finally got his shot at Mania and took the title back.

Overall Rating: C+. This was one of the hardest ratings I’ve ever had to do. You simply can’t grade it on the strength of the matches alone because it’s just not that kind of a show. It’s a massive gimmick show, and the problem simply is that by the end, you’re bored with it. This show really would have been better making this a standard eight man tournament instead of the 13 (remember Boss Man fought twice).

It’s easy to eliminate five guys from this. Here: Snow, Goldust, Gill, Regal, X-Pac,. That leaves you with Taker, Kane, Rock, Mankind, Austin, Shamrock, Jarrett, and Boss Man. That’s not a bad field at all. Shamrock stays because of the tournament success and he’s IC Champion and Jarrett wins a battle royal or something or other to get in. For one thing, it cuts off a LOT of time that you could use for other non-tournament stuff which this show is dying for.

Also some of the matches could be say two or three minutes longer which makes them better to me as well. Overall, four matches each is just too much for guys, even if two were jokes. That’s four times the crowd has to pop for you and it just drains the people out. You can really tell this in the main event as there’s next to no pop at all, simply because the fans are popped out. Like I said though, this is one that is completely up in the air.

If you like things like one night tournaments then this is your show. If not, then watch the last four matches. I thought it was fine and it set up Mania, but yeah this would have been MUCH better if there was one less round. I’ll recommend it slightly but with a disclaimer.

WWF Title: Rock vs. Mankind

After beating on the Rock some more, we’re out. In a bonus we have some extra footage of Rock backstage where he just acts like a heel which is completely pointless footage.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw – May 30, 2005: How Can We Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 30, 2005
Location: Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re on the way to One Night Stand and after last week, that is the most interesting thing on the show. At the same time though, we have to deal with a THIRD HHH vs. Batista World Title match on pay per view. Now some might have thought that two wins over HHH were enough, but the clear solution is to lock them inside the Cell. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with the Memorial Day tribute. Vince NEVER misses this thing.

Opening sequence.

Since it’s the unofficial start of Summer, we’ll start with Jerry Lawler running a Diva Swimsuit contest. We’ve got Christy, Candice Michelle, Maria, Victoria and Lillian Garcia for a pretty surprising entrant. Lillian gets to go first and Lawler is VERY surprised but here’s Viscera before she takes her towel off. Viscera likes the idea of her in the swimsuit so he carries her to the back, leaving us with the other four to compete instead.

They all go and Lawler picks Christy as the winner. That’s too much for Victoria, who beats the other three up in a heel turn. Lawler tries to intervene and gets kicked low hard, followed by the Widow’s Peak to Christy. I assure you this was in no way an excuse for women in swimsuits to bounce around.

Post break Victoria rants about being sick of Christy getting all of the attention when it should have been all about her.

Tag Team Titles: Heart Throbs vs. Hurricane/Rosey

The Throbs are challenging after beating William Regal and Tajiri in a Texas Tornado match on Heat. Hurricane gets double teamed to start but fights out of it pretty quickly as Lawler needs some ice. Or Stacy Keibler if she’s available. The beatdown is back on with Hurricane being sent into the corner as a STACY’S HOT chant begins. Romeo slugs away at Hurricane’s face but a reversed whip allows the hot tag to Rosey. Everything breaks down as Rosey cleans house, including going to the middle rope so Hurricane can hit a splash from his shoulders to retain.

Rating: D. Yeah Stacy isn’t exactly saving the team as this was little more than watching Hurricane get beaten up for a few minutes until Rosey came in to take over. The champs aren’t the most thrilling people to hold the titles but really, who else is there for the titles at the moment? This is a really low point in the belts’ history and it doesn’t look likely to get better anytime soon.

Here are some of the potential finalists in the Diva Search.

We look back at last week when HHH made his epic return after a week away, Ric Flair turned on Batista, and the Cell match was announced for Vengeance. Oh and Edge got pinned after being built up with the tournament for about a month, but we need to get back to Batista vs. HHH already.

A bandaged Batista isn’t happy that HHH isn’t here. The Cell is on though and he wants the contract signed next week. Muhammad Hassan and Daivari come in and demand to know why HHH is getting another title shot after losing at Wrestlemania and Backlash. Well he’s fired. Anyway, Batista gets in Hassan’s face and offers to shut him up. Bischoff makes the match. Daivari rants and gets slapped.

Intercontinental Title: Shelton Benjamin vs. Robert Conway vs. Sylvain Grenier

Shelton is defending. We get a La Resistance reunion so Shelton can get beaten down to start but Shelton Samoan drops Grenier without much effort. Conway takes over and the double teaming is back on, only to have the argument break out again. The fans want Jericho get but Shelton taking even more of a beating until Grenier is sent outside. A backbreaker gets two on Conway but Grenier is back in for the Hart Attack.

Cue the argument over the cover (take a shot) so Grenier knocks Conway outside. Benjamin knocks Conway outside to join him but Grenier is back up to block the springboard clothesline. That means another French fight with Conway’s neckbreaker getting two. The fans chant something I can’t understand (likely anti-French) until Shelton FINALLY saves us from this match that is actually taking place on Raw with a Stinger Splash to Conway. The spinwheel kick sets up the exploder to Grenier to retain the title.

Rating: D. This was longer than it needed to be and if they really think that having Conway vs. Grenier can keep the fans interested, they’re slipping into delusional territory. Shelton is in a weird place at the moment as he’s ready to move up to the main event scene but has to lose the title at some point. I’m not sure to whom, but it has to happen eventually.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel, with Jericho apologizing for almost being late but you should have seen the line at his autograph signing today. Anyway, next week is going to be a big deal as the first pick from Smackdown in the Draft will be his guest on the Highlight Reel. As for tonight, one of his guests is a monster with no remorse who takes great joy in the pain of others.

Enough about Lita though because here’s Kane. Jericho wants to know about Lita leaving Kane because that’s never happened to him before (Jericho: “In fact it’s usually the opposite.”). Is it because Kane’s equipment malfunctioned? That earns Jericho the hardest side stare I can remember so Jericho offers him some tissues, ice cream and a copy of Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood so Kane can have a good cry.

Edge pops up on screen for a reminder that he has speared both Kane and Kane’s wife in the last few weeks. Remember those emergency phone calls Lita made to her sister in the middle of the night? They were to Edge. Lita comes in to say she has officially filed for divorce so there is no more dealing with Kane’s sweaty body or his dumb laugh. Oh and he’s like a fourth grader in the bedroom (not going near that one). For a bonus, Lita flushes her wedding ring.

Quick question: so Lita went from hating Kane to caring for him and apparently living with him to an affair with Edge in the course of six months? Isn’t that a bit more complicated than it needs to be? Was there a reason she was staying with him at night when she would sneak off to call Edge? Or sleeping with him at all? Maybe she is just nuts.

Here’s Eric Bischoff to complain about one Night Stand. If he hates ECW style matches, why did he approve a tables match between Chris Benoit and Edge tonight? It’s because he wants us to see that you can do ECW any night of the week (or perhaps just on Mondays). Therefore, here’s one of his generals for the ECW invasion.

Edge vs. Chris Benoit

Tables match with Bischoff on commentary. They slug it out in the corner to start as you can hear the gleam in Bischoff’s voice as he rips on ECW. Benoit snaps off a suplex and chops away some more to send Edge outside. The first table is loaded up but Benoit dives onto Edge as we take a break.

Back with Benoit taking over and going for the Sharpshooter as Lawler talks about an upcoming ECW magazine. Bischoff: “I would encourage no one to buy that!” The Sharpshooter doesn’t work so Edge goes for the table again, only to have it baseball slidden into his face. Benoit crotches Edge on the bottom rope and pulls on the legs a bit before suplexing him back inside.

Edge gets crotched on the top as well and it’s another baseball slide to take it outside again. A table is brought in but Lita moves it out of the way of as Benoit hits the superplex. The briefcase is brought in so Benoit hits a German suplex to send it flying. Lita breaks up the Swan Dive through the table so Bischoff sends down Maven and Tomko (what a pair) to fight Benoit. Snitsky runs out too and the four on one beatdown sets up a powerbomb through the table to give Edge the win.

Rating: C+. These two always work well together and they did it again here. They managed to cover a pair of stories at once here as Edge gets a boost after last week’s loss and also pushed the ECW show. That’s becoming the top story around here and it feels like it should be pretty cool. Having Bischoff and Vince (at least for a week) involved make it more important and that’s the attention it should get.

Just because it’s so important, here’s HHH’s return to attack Batista last week.

HHH joins us from WWE Studios to talk about how this is his company and Batista is just having some fun. Last week he beat Batista, so now the Animal can become more violent or more submissive. Batista was scared last week and that is the first step. The final step is inside the Cell, where HHH ends careers.

Ask Kevin Nash (wrestled another cage match later that year) or Mick Foley (wrestled in the main event of Wrestlemania about six weeks later). Batista should fear HHH instead of the Cell because HHH likes being inside there. HHH is taking a piece of him in the Cell, plus the title. This was more of your usual HHH trying to be epic and making it all about himself again, because that’s what Raw needs to be about.

Here’s Chris Masters for the Masterlock Challenge for $10,000 American (because Canadian money is worthless you see). This week, the challenge is for anyone in the locker room because he wants some real competition. Cue Val Venis to answer, which is cool with Masters. His roommate in college had all of Val’s movies, which Val seems to appreciate. They’re ready to go but Masters beats him up before putting on the Masterlock. Val almost breaks it but gets taken down anyway.

Here’s Christian for a chat. Christian is happy to be back in Canada but wants to talk about everyone who could be coming over from Smackdown. What they don’t have though is a Canadian, so maybe he should head over there. And that’s it.

Muhammad Hassan vs. Batista

Non-title. Hassan tries to jump him before the bell and gets elbowed in the face for his efforts. That’s enough to send Hassan outside so Batista sends him right back inside. This time Hassan gets in a kick to the head and a neckbreaker gets two. The chinlock doesn’t last long as Batista slams him down for the breather. Batista gets in the spinebuster but has to deal with an invading Hassan, including a belt shot to bust him open. Stomping and choking in the corner are enough for the DQ to keep Hassan undefeated.

Rating: D+. This is a good example of booking themselves into something close to a corner but knowing how to get out of it. The DQ finish may be a bit annoying but it’s exactly the way to go here to keep everyone in good shape and make Batista look angry going into the Cell. It’s rather nice to see them showing some intelligence for a change, which you don’t get enough of today.

Post match Batista wrecks Hassan to bust him open as well. The Batista Bomb plants Daivari and Hassan gets one of his own. Batista poses over their bloodied bodies to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Egads this was bad and I’m not sure if there was one big thing that caused the whole thing. The HHH vs. Batista stuff sounds like something that is just happening because HHH demanded that it should and we don’t move on until he says we do. Other than that, the wrestling was mostly terrible and the only thing I want to see at the moment is the ECW invasion. They just need to fix something and find an interesting story already, but that isn’t going to matter as long as HHH won’t just go away for a bit.

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Monday Night Raw – May 16, 2005: While HHH Is Away…..Things Aren’t Very Good

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 16, 2005
Location: Qwest Center, Omaha, Nebraska
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s time to wrap up the Gold Rush Tournament as Edge faces Kane for the #1 contendership to Batista’s Raw World Title. Normally that would be enough, but we also have Christian vs. Ric Flair in what should be a good one and Chris Jericho/Shelton Benjamin vs. Muhammad Hassan/Khosrow Daivari. They’re certainly bringing it for what was likely sweeps week so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence, now prominently featuring Shawn Michaels superkicking Shelton Benjamin out of the air.

The announcers run down the big card.

Muhammad Hassan/Daivari vs. Chris Jericho/Shelton Benjamin

Thankfully it’s just Daivari, which has a better ring than his full name. This was set up last week when Hassan and Daivari jumped both of them at separate times. It’s a brawl to start with Jericho whipping Shelton into the corner for a double Stinger Splash. We settle down to Jericho chopping Daivari and suplexing him down. Shelton comes in for a clothesline but Hassan grabs a backbreaker. It’s already back to Daivari for a double arm crank and then a chinlock to keep things slow.

Back up and Shelton’s clothesline isn’t enough for the tag thanks to Hassan’s diving save and it’s back to cranking on the arms. A Samoan drop gets Shelton out of trouble and Jericho comes in to clean house. The enziguri sets up a high crossbody for two on Hassan with Daivari making the save. That’s enough of a distraction for Hassan to hit his Downward Spiral for the pin.

Rating: C-. Hassan has certainly gotten a lot more watchable in recent weeks and a good portion of that is due to cutting down his mic time. It isn’t like the promos he’s giving have a lot of depth or variety to them so it’s a case of less being more. Daivari has been a big help as well as he can do a lot of the work in the matches, making this a good example of the pair being better than the solo act.

Post match Jericho storms off and Shelton is confused.

Chris Benoit and Tajiri are in the back. They’ve both been invited to ECW One Night Stand so tonight they’ll have an ECW Rules match for old times’ sake. William Regal comes up to find out what is going on so Tajiri explains in Japanese. Regal gets the whole thing but doesn’t care for the violence. Tajiri can go do it if that’s what he wants though.

We look back at the frustrated HHH leaving last week.

Coach literally runs into Eric Bischoff’s office with Ric Flair to tell him about the ECW Rules match. Bischoff doesn’t want to hear about it because Flair has to talk about how great HHH is. Flair demands Bischoff call HHH but that isn’t happening. If HHH wants to come back, HHH can make the call. Flair leaves and runs into Batista, who he blames for everything. How dare Batista cause HHH this many problems when HHH brought him into the business? Batista says it isn’t his fault and Flair got him started. They trade WOOs, with Batista’s being comically quiet.

Ric Flair vs. Christian

Feeling out process to start with Christian hitting a shoulder and offering his own strut. That just gets him a slap to the face so Christian grabs a backdrop. The slam off the top and a clothesline to the floor let Tomko get in a cheap shot. JR refers to this as physical molestation as Flair is thrown back in for two. A missed charge lets Flair chop away and it’s a Flair Flop from Christian. Tomko gets in a shot to break up the Figure Four so Flair grabs a rollup, the tights and the rope for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was a Flair showcase as he got to do all the greatest hits and show that they still work. The problem is that he pinned Christian, who was seemingly ready to break through to the other side and has lost twice in a row since. I’m not sure why WWE bothered setting him up like that to bring him back down, but WWE has done more questionable things before.

Post match Flair is cornered by Christian and Tomko so Batista comes out for the save.

Lita fires Christy up for her lingerie pillow fight until Edge interrupts. He tells Lita to warn Kane about what’s coming tonight, and you can bank on it.

Christian limps around backstage so here’s Maria to ask if he’s hurt. Christian: “Where did you get your journalism degree from? A box of Cocoa Puffs?” This isn’t over with Batista.

Here’s Chris Masters for the Masterlock Challenge. This time the prize is $6,000 and a one way plane ticket to anywhere in the United States, because anywhere is better than Omaha. The fan loses in near record time so here’s Steven Richards to go after Masters and chase him off with a chair. So yes, after a month plus of these things, their best idea is a Steven Richards feud.

Kane grabs Edge by the throat and says stay away from Lita.

Chris Benoit vs. Tajiri

ECW Rules and weapons are provided at ringside. Tajiri starts fast with the Tarantula as Lawler goes off with the insults on ECW as only he can. The handsprings elbow is countered into a German suplex but Tajiri flips out and kicks him in the head. They go outside with Tajiri going face first into the steps and that means it’s ladder time. Tajiri is laid on the table and Benoit climbs the ladder in the ring….but here’s Coach to stop the match on Bischoff’s orders. Bischoff comes out as well to officially end the match. Not long enough to rate but it was there to advance an angle more than anything else.

Post match Bischoff trashes ECW and bans any mention of ECW on Raw whatsoever. You can’t even chant for it! Also, the Raw wrestlers are forbidden from appearing at ECW One Night Stand. Bischoff is even going to show up with a bunch of Raw volunteers to end ECW once and for all. This is an expected reaction from Bischoff and should set up something fun at One Night Stand.

Christy Hemme vs. Candice Michelle

Lingerie pillow fight so the bed is in the ring. They fight and feathers go everywhere, including a trip to the floor just because. Christy wins with a sunset flip.

With the women still in the ring, cue Viscera in a suit because the pillow fight has turned him on. The hip swiveling sends Christy and Candice running, but Viscera would rather talk about Lilian Garcia. Viscera sees the two of them and that bed and he has an idea. He kisses a fan at ringside to get her cotton candy, with JR not liking the idea of Viscera having more sugar.

Lilian gets in the ring and Viscera tells her to put some of the pillows on the bed. He lays down and offers her some cotton candy, which he licks rather, uh, suggestively. Viscera has a surprise for her, including a pickle in his pocket. He pulls out a hotel room key and Lilian isn’t sure about this. Viscera: “Room four sixty nine.” That’s enough to make Lilian to fall off the bed and end a rather horribly entertaining segment. Yeah it’s bad but it’s the overly cheesy bad where they know what they’re doing.

Kane and Lita breathe at each other a lot and kissing ensues.

We recap the Gold Rush Tournament.

Shelton comes up to Jericho to make sure everything is cool. Jericho lists off some of his accomplishments and everything he has going on at the moment, including a plug for a Fozzy album.

Tag Team Titles: Hurricane/Rosey vs. Simon Dean/Maven

Hurricane and Rosey are defending and debut Super Stacy as their new manager. Rosey slams Maven with no problem to start as Lawler tries to figure out what Stacy’s name should be. Hurricane comes in and gets pulled into the wrong corner with Dean taking him down by the neck. A double suplex lets Maven get in some situps but Hurricane fights up and brings in Rosey to clean house. Stacy offers the distraction and it’s a side slam/Eye of the Hurricane combination to finish Maven.

Rating: D-. The champs won the titles ice cold and now they have Stacy Keibler as a manager. Stacy is one of those people whose value was pretty limited in the first place and it has gone through the floor over the last few years. Putting her on this team seems like an act of desperation and it really doesn’t bode well for the champs’ future.

Smackdown Rebound.

Here’s the still injured Randy Orton for a chat. People have been asking him if he is coming back to Raw or going to Smackdown. After telling the fans to shut up, he says he can’t be drafted because he’s injured. That’s because of Batista and the Undertaker, so Orton wants Batista to keep the title until he gets back to take it from him. Orton goes to leave so here’s Vince McMahon to cut him off.

Vince: “What the h*** has happened to you?” He mocks Orton for losing weight but Orton blames the shoulder surgery. Vince doesn’t want to hear about the injury because no one is exempt from the Draft. The Draft begins three weeks from tonight and it’s going on for a whole month this time around. Orton might be standing in a Raw ring for the last time so gain some weight and let your hair grow out again.

Gold Rush Tournament Finals: Kane vs. Edge

Lita is out with Kane. An early big boot drops Edge with JR saying it’s going to be a quick one so don’t make a sandwich. Kane grabs a suplex and chokes away but Edge hammers away in the corner. They fight to the floor with Kane taking over again as they’re firmly in first and a half gear.

Edge takes over with some forearms to the back and the referee gets bumped for a second, allowing Edge to hit a low blow. Back from a break with Edge working on the knee and taking it outside again to stay on said knee. The leglock goes on as this is hardly exciting stuff. Kane fights up and uppercuts him out of the air for two, setting up Snake Eyes for a bonus. The Edge-O-Matic cuts Kane down again but the spear is countered with a grab of the throat.

Edge grabs the referee to escape and the Edgecution gets two more. Kane tries a Tombstone but the ref gets bumped for real this time. The spear barely keeps Kane down and he kicks the briefcase out of Edge’s hands. Lita takes it away but slides it to Edge as Kane goes up, allowing Edge to knock Kane out of the air with a shot to the face. Lita wakes the referee up and Edge gets the pin and the title shot.

Rating: D. This wasn’t very good for the first place but the ending was good with the result, and the way they got there, being what they needed to be. Edge is the bigger star and putting him with Lita should be a great match. Kane is now more of a sympathetic face, or at least as sympathetic as you can be given how he and Lita got together in the first place.

Post match Lita jumps into Edge’s arms and goes evil, which always worked very, very well. Given what was going on in real life, they would have been crazy not to go this way. The big kiss on the stage ends the show as Edge and Lita channel their inner Christian and Trish from last year.

Overall Rating: D. There were some nice storyline additions on here but the wrestling was REALLY bad with the best match being a short and not very good tag match to open the show. I was thinking that this one would be the big show that made up for some of the previous weeks but we’re still waiting, which is becoming quite the problem.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw – May 9, 2005: No Payoff

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 9, 2005
Location: Wachovia Arena, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 3,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Tournament time continues this week as we move on to the semifinals in the Gold Rush Tournament. That should mean some good matches as the four left are more than good enough, though the whole point of this is to be Batista’s next victim. I have no idea how we’ll wind up with another HHH title shot, but you can all but bet on that being the endgame. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the tournament starting last week, including the four first round matches.

Here’s HHH for the opening chat, because we need to hear from someone out of the tournament. Before he says anything this time though, HHH goes outside to yell at fans for reminding him that he tapped out. He eventually gets back inside to call the tournament bogus because he Pedigreed Batista and had him beat. The rematch should go to him but Eric Bischoff wants to control Batista and the World Title. If HHH gets one more shot, he’ll beat Batista just like that.

Cue Batista to mockingly apologize for the interruption, because he’s so afraid of HHH. Actually, what exactly is he afraid of? He’s already beaten HHH both times he’s faced him and then there was last week’s loss in the tournament. Maybe….HHH just isn’t good enough for another title shot. There goes HHH’s tie and he eventually says Batista’s title means nothing until he goes through HHH.

That doesn’t mean some Wrestlemania fluke but rather going through HHH. He is what matters in this business and he defines what Batista is and what he will become. If Batista is going to disrespect him, he’ll walk out right now and watch Batista fail from his big mansion. HHH walks out so Batista says he doesn’t need HHH because he’s already beaten him.

Post break, HHH storms out as Ric Flair tells him to stay. HHH tells Flair to come with him but Flair is going to stay and deal with this.

Here are Muhammad Hassan and Daivari with the latter still employed after being beaten down last week. Daivari sucks up to Hassan and issues the open challenge to make up for things.

Khosrow Daivari vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho chops away in the corner but misses a charge and goes shoulder first into the post. The logical armbar goes on for a bit but Daivari goes to the middle rope and gets punched out of the air. A flapjack into the enziguri looks to set up the Walls but Daivari makes the rope. Not that it matters as Jericho gets them on a few seconds later and Daivari taps in a hurry.

Post match Hassan lays out Jericho with the Downward Spiral and the camel clutch. Shelton Benjamin makes the save.

Christy Hemme asks Bischoff about the Draft and is told that the Divas are eligible to be drafted as well. See there’s a new Diva Search coming up and Bischoff hopes to find a more successful Diva. With that insult out of the way, La Resistance comes in to demand another title shot. This leads to an argument between Conway and Grenier so Bischoff puts them in a singles match each. That’s not a good selling point.

Flair leaves HHH a message about how awesome he is but here are Christian and Tyson Tomko to mock Flair for being so worried. It’s a shame that HHH isn’t going to be here tonight because no one can spit water on themselves. Flair: “I don’t like you.” A match is set up for later between Flair and Captain Courageous.

Classic Moment: Jerry Lawler wins the AWA World Title. If nothing else, it’s smart to remind fans that Lawler was a big time wrestler back in the day. How many younger fans wouldn’t know that?

Sylvain Grenier vs. Viscera

Twenty minute HHH segments, a squash and now this. Grenier’s face when he sees Viscera is a nice touch though. Conway leaves and Grenier tries a shoulder, which goes as well as you would have expected. The swinging Boss Man Slam lets Viscera mount him for the pelvic thrusts. A missed splash lets Grenier hit a missile dropkick for two but the spinwheel kick drops him again. The chokebomb ends Grenier in a hurry.

Post match Viscera takes a fan’s nachos and goes to hit on Lilian, saying they taste as good as she does. He has her announce him as the winner again, because that really turns him on. Viscera: “You want some of my nachos?” We get the Lady and the Tramp sharing of the nacho, with Viscera promising that she’ll love the main course. JR: “Why do I want to hear some Barry White all of a sudden?”

A rather pleased Lita comes in to see Kane, who is thinking about them. He hugs her rather forcefully (she doesn’t seem pleased, after weeks of being into him) and reminisces about the nine months they have been married. She likes the idea of him becoming World Champion with hints at fornication if he wins. Kane: “That’s what makes us such a cute couple.”

Gold Rush Tournament Semifinals: Kane vs. Chris Benoit

Lita is here with Kane. Benoit goes with the chops to start before going for the ankle. The Sharpshooter and Crossface attempts are blocked so we’ll try the chops again. Kane’s side slam gets two and we hit the neck crank. A clothesline takes Benoit down again for two and the chinlock goes on.

The big boot connects (and has Lita pleased) but the top rope clothesline is dropkicked out of the air. That sets up the rolling German suplexes and the Swan Dive for two and Lita is panicking. An enziguri into a baseball slide to the floor knocks Lita down and the knee is clutched. Benoit checks on Lita and gets decked from behind, setting up the chokeslam for the pin back inside.

Rating: C+. These two work well together but you can tell a lot of Benoit’s time has passed. Kane is fine for the monster who you push at various times and that’s what they’re doing here, though you can tell something is up with Lita. That could be interesting and I’ll take that above the same run of the mill stuff that often happens on this show.

Christian vs. Ric Flair

Actually hang on as Christian views Flair as a problem, and you know what that means.

Tyson Tomko vs. Ric Flair

Tomko clotheslines him down and gets an early two off a powerslam. Flair gets smart by going after the knee and the Figure Four is on in no time. Christian sneaks in to rake the eyes though and that’s an ejection, allowing Flair to hit Tomko low. The rollup (with trunks of course) is enough for the pin. There’s something so sweet about seeing Flair cheat to win.

Here are some of the people who might make the finals of the Diva Search.

We look back at HHH leaving.

Here’s Stacy Keibler for a completely necessary chat. She’s in Stuff Magazine and we get some clips from her shoot with Todd Grisham doing his best Lawler impression. She offers us a sneak peak in person but here are Simon Dean and Maven to interrupt. They seem to think that Maven is the better looking human and Maven critiques her physique while Simon puts together a shake. Stacy is ordered to drink the shake but she “accidentally” drops it. Cue Hurricane and Rosey for the save as this is really the best they can do for the Tag Team Titles.

Coach comes in to see Bischoff and talks about the upcoming ECW One Night Stand. Bischoff hates the idea because it’s all blood and thumbtacks and barbed wire and violence (the fans seem to approve). As the ECW chants start up, Bischoff promises to squash ECW again.

Rob Conway vs. Shelton Benjamin

Non-title. Conway jumps him during the entrance and says the title should be his. The stomping is on for an early one and a snap suplex is good for the same, meaning it’s already time for the chinlock. Shelton fights up without much trouble and backdrops him for two of his own. The exploder is blocked and Conway scores with a running knee lift. That’s fine with Shelton, who kicks him in the head and hits the springboard bulldog for the fast pin. I’d think that’s about it for La Resistance as an important team now, yes?

Post match Muhammad and Daivari lay out Shelton on the stage. That’s a logical next feud for Hassan and it’s not like Benjamin has anyone else to fight right now.

Here’s John Cena’s Bad Bad Man video.

Maria asks Shawn Michaels about his match with The Edge. After making fun of the mistake, Shawn praises Shelton Benjamin for last week and says if “The Edge” likes to whine, tonight he’ll be throwing the biggest hissy fit ever because Shawn is Money in the Bank.

Next week: Jericho/Benjamin vs. Hassan/Daivari, Christian vs. Flair and the tournament final. That’s a pretty good show.

Gold Rush Tournament Semifinals: Edge vs. Shawn Michaels

Joined in progress with Shawn sending Edge outside for the springboard spinning crossbody. Edge snaps him throat first across the rope to take over and it’s Shawn in trouble in a hurry. Back in and we hit the chinlock, followed by a neckbreaker and the chinlock again. Edge lets that go and heads up, only to get kicked out of the air. A knee lift gives us a double knockdown but it’s Shawn up first and hammering Edge down.

The top rope elbow connects (long one too) but Sweet Chin Music is countered into an electric chair which is countered into a victory roll to give Shawn two. Edge is right back with the Edge-O-Matic but the ref gets bumped, meaning there is no count off the Edgecution. Sweet Chin Music gets the same non-count so Edge gets up and clocks Shawn with the briefcase (putting a dent in the thing) for the pin.

Rating: C. This was a weird one as it felt like they skipped the entire intro and went straight to the big stuff at the end. Edge winning made the most sense as he has a more interesting story and giving him a pin over Shawn, even this kind of pin, sets up better possibilities. Besides, it’s not like Shawn losing is going to hurt him whatsoever.

Overall Rating: D+. The tournament matches were good and next week is looking great, but at the same time there were a lot of short matches here which didn’t mean anything and didn’t exactly go anywhere. That’s acceptable if next week’s show is worth the setup, but I’m not sure how much confidence I have in them to pull something like that off.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw – May 2, 2005 (2019 Redo): My Favorite Match

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 2, 2005
Location: FleetCenter, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after Backlash and Batista has vanquished HHH (again), meaning it’s time to find someone fresh for him to beat up. Other than that…there isn’t much going on after last night. Hulk Hogan and Shawn Michaels won Hogan’s ONE MORE MATCH, which I’m sure will never be brought up again. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

In the back, Batista is hitting on a rather receptive Christy Hemme when Eric Bischoff interrupts. We’re going to have a tournament for the #1 contendership to the World Title and he even has a name for it: the Gold Rush Tournament. No one will know who they are facing until the music hits. As for tonight, Batista can have the night off. Christy smiles but Batista wants to have a match tonight. He hints at wanting to face Bischoff, who screams at the thought. Batista laughs, because he’s an animal with a sense of humor.

Opening sequence.

Gold Rush Tournament First Round: Christian vs. Kane

Christian has Tomko with him so Kane counters with a limping Lita. One heck of a shove sends Christian to the floor and a big boot makes it even worse. Kane follows him but gets drop toeholded into the steps to give Christian a breather. A crossbody off the steps gives Christian two back inside, though it just seems to annoy Kane even more.

The reverse DDT gets two with Kane launching him off for the kickout. Christian’s raised boot in the corner earns him an attempted chokeslam but Christian escapes into a sleeper. That’s reversed into a side slam but Christian gets smart by going to the eye. Tomko gets on the apron so Kane sends them into each other, setting up the chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D+. Well so much for Christian being ready for the monster push. They seemed interested in going somewhere with him and then he loses to Kane in less than five minutes. There was no one else they could put into that spot? Or have Kane win by countout or something? Why give Christian pay per view time last night if this is what you have planned for him the next night?

Post match Tomko jumps Kane and gets beaten down as well.

Post break, Christian runs into Ric Flair in the back. Ric mocks him for losing and “raps” that HHH is winning the tournament.

We get part of the opening video from last night’s show, focusing on the fans demanding ONE MORE MATCH from Hogan.

Here are Muhammad Hassan and Daivari for a chat. Daivari rants a bit before handing the mic to Hassan, who will not allow this injustice to continue. He is undefeated from Raw and yet he is still left out of the Gold Rush Tournament. It’s prejudice, but it’s also Daivari’s fault. Daivari took the fall last night and that isn’t cool, so Hassan beats him up. Hassan leaves and Daivari nearly crawls after him. Daivari is better in the ring and the rants are always energetic but these two need some rebuilding.

Here’s Viscera for a chat before his match. Last night he showed how physical he can be and his hunger for love. That brings him to Lilian Garcia, because he is a big man who likes to eat spicy. Lilian is a spicy Latina so Viscera wants to go south of the border tonight. Cue Simon Dean to interrupt to say women don’t want men who are this out of shape. Dean calls himself a Greek god but everyone here in Boston is fat. Those are fighting words.

Simon Dean vs. Viscera

Viscera throws him around to start and hits a splash to break Simon out of the Tree of Woe. An elbow misses so Dean goes up, only to get chokeslammed out of the air, setting up the splash for the pin.

Post match Viscera tells Lilian that he’s back on the market. The BLACK market.

Stacy Keibler and Candice Michelle oogle Stacy in Stuff Magazine, as good looking women tend to do. Bischoff comes up and likes the pictures before heading to his office. HHH is waiting on him and rants about the tournament, because he had Batista beaten last night. If we have to have a tournament, HHH better be in the thing. Bischoff can tell Batista that he is on borrowed time.

Shelton Benjamin isn’t worried about who he has to face because that’s what a champ does. Chris Jericho comes in to stare at the title but respect is shown. They’re both in the tournament and wouldn’t mind facing each other.

We get a quick graphic acknowledging the passing of Chris Candido. That’s better than they have done on some occasions.

We look back at Kane beating Christian.

Gold Rush Tournament First Round: Shelton Benjamin vs. Shawn Michaels

Non-title and this is a special one. Shelton’s taken back look when Shawn’s face is great as he didn’t expect something like this. JR loses it because this is going to be awesome, and yeah it’s almost impossible for it not to be. Shawn tries to wrestle him to the mat and finds out that’s not a good idea, meaning it’s straight to the ropes for a break. A hammerlock works a bit but Shawn tries taking him down again for the exact same result. You can see the look of “well that didn’t work” on Shawn’s face, though the fans are still completely behind him.

A headlock takeover works a bit better but Shelton is right back up with some armdrags for the early standoff. Shelton headlocks him down for a change, with Shawn trying some rollups to keep things from getting dull (so many people forget to do that). Back up and Shawn goes with a forearm to the head for the first real offense but it’s a Cactus Clothesline to put them both on the floor. Shawn gets the worst of it and we take a break with him still down.

Back from a break with Shelton reversing a belly to back superplex into a crossbody (a little better than coming back in a chinlock) to put them both down again. A Samoan drop gives Shelton a bit of an advantage but he can’t get back up. Some running clotheslines have Shawn in trouble and a backbreaker gives Shelton two. Shawn comes back with the forearm into the nipup but Shelton does a faster one of his own, giving us a great “YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!” look.

Some elbows break up the exploder and tries Sweet Chin Music but walks into the Dragon Whip (and a great one at that) for two. Shawn knocks him off the top and drops the elbow but can’t cover. Instead he pulls himself up and tries the superkick again with Shelton blocking this one with a high kick to the head. Just to show off, Shelton jumps from the mat to the top for a spinning clothesline and another two. Back up and Shawn sends him to the apron so Shelton tries a springboard…..to this day I have no idea what he was going for but it’s superkicked out of the air for the highlight reel moment and the pin.

Rating: A-. This is my all time favorite match and there are a few different reasons. Starting with what you can see in front of you, these guys were tearing it up for about fifteen minutes with Shelton being a different level of athlete but Shawn hanging in there until he caught Shelton trying for one big move too many and finishing him. Shelton’s athleticism was on full display here (that jump to the top for the clothesline was nuts) and it’s not like you lose much when you get pinned clean by Shawn after an instant classic. Outstanding match and well worth seeing if you haven’t, or again if you have.

The other reason this match means so much to me is it served as a big step forward in my wrestling fandom. For years I had heard about the concepts of psychology and storytelling in matches but they never really clicked. I was watching this a few years after it aired and I thought it was like an older, smarter Shawn wrestling himself from ten years ago: the young, athletic phenom who would do these big things because he could rather than if it made sense.

It was like a light bulb went off over my head as it was the first time I understood the idea of telling a story with a match. I had never really gotten the concept but it started to make sense, which was something completely new for me. It helped me start looking for things like that in matches from them on and it made me into a different kind of fan. Not every match is going to have something that specific, but once it clicks like that, it can change everything for you. Anyway, great match, watch it if you have time.

Shawn shows some respect and it takes a good while for Shelton to get up.

Edge is asked why he’s in the tournament when he already has a guaranteed shot. He brings up beating Chris Benoit last night so now he’s the real toughest man in WWE. As for why he’s in the tournament, of course he wants two title matches, because not even Batista can beat him twice in a row. The interviewer brings up an important point: if Edge gets drafted to Smackdown, he loses his shot because it’s for the World Heavyweight Title. This seems to be news to Edge, but he’ll be champion anyway. Edge leaves and goes to hit on Lita and Victoria, who aren’t interested. This actually doesn’t get a big chant/gasp from the crowd.

Tag Team Titles: Hurricane/Rosey vs. La Resistance

Hurricane/Rosey are defending. Rosey shoves Grenier down to start but it’s a quick low bridging to take him outside. That means a posting for two back inside and the stomping is on again. Rosey gets beaten up in the corner for a bit but manages to elbow his way out of trouble. The rolling tag brings in the Hurricane to clean house, including a middle rope hurricanrana for two on Grenier. Conway gets sent outside and it’s a side slam/Eye of the Hurricane combination to finish Grenier and retain the titles.

Rating: D. Hurricane and Rosey aren’t great as champions but they’re better than just about anyone else who could be in the spot. La Resistance has run its course and while they’re still fine enough as midcard heels, we’ve covered everything that could be done with them and I’m glad that we seem to be moving on. The problem is who in the world are we supposed to move on to?

Smackdown Rebound.

Gold Rush Tournament First Round: Chris Jericho vs. Edge

Jericho goes after a wristlock to start but Edge powers out for a standoff. Slapping and chopping have Edge in trouble against the ropes and in the corner but he’s fine enough to shove Jericho off the top. A ram into the elbow and an elbow to the back give Edge two and a backbreaker is good for the same. Jericho gets in a flapjack for the double knockdown and the running shoulders keep Edge in trouble. The running enziguri gets two but Edge gets in a shot to the face, meaning it’s time to grab the briefcase.

Edge can’t bring himself to do it though and Jericho dropkicks him to the floor. That means a slingshot dive but Jericho wastes some time by pulling the pad off the barricade. Some fans call this boring but seem pleased when Edge’s spear hits buckle back inside. The Walls go on but Edge is too close to the rope. He’s also close to the briefcase, which bashes Jericho in the head. A missile dropkick and the spear finish Jericho.

Rating: C+. Jericho is in a bit of a funk at the moment as his matches are still good but he doesn’t seem to be going anywhere or doing anything important. Edge winning was the only choice here as he has a story with the potential to have two title matches at once. The briefcase works well as a signature weapon too.

Happy Birthday Rock! I’m sure you’ll be here soon!

Chris Masters, Masterlock Challenge ($4,000, a Curt Schilling Red Sox jersey and an autographed Tom Brady football), plant, Masters wins. Takes about six minutes.

Gold Rush Tournament First Round: HHH vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit chops away and wins a slugout, setting up the first suplex. HHH bails from the threat of a Crossface and whips Benoit chest first into the buckle. A hard clothesline to the back of the head has Benoit’s eyes bugging out in one of the most deeply disturbing images I can remember in a long time.

We take a break and come back with HHH getting frustrated and Benoit’s eyes still all buggy, though not as bad as they were before. Benoit shrugs off a knee to the head and chops away again but gets pulled into a sleeper. The suplex gets Benoit out of trouble and, after ducking a clothesline (meaning we don’t get the scary eyes again), rolls the German suplexes.

The Swan Dive connects for a delayed two and it’s time to beat up an invading Flair. We get a ref bump and it’s a low blow to Benoit, but here’s Batista (in gear after being in a suit earlier) to lay out HHH and Flair. Everyone is down (with Benoit’s eyes all over the place again) until Benoit slaps on the Sharpshooter for the (eventual) win.

Rating: C. The match was good enough but egads those eyes are hard to get out of your head. Even if you ignore what would be coming for Benoit, that was one of the creepiest things I’ve seen in wrestling for a good while. Benoit making HHH tap (or anyone making him tap for that matter) is almost hard to fathom but it’s nice for a HHH break, as short as it is guaranteed to be.

Here are the updated brackets:

Kane

Chris Benoit

Shawn Michaels

Edge

Overall Rating: B-. This was actually a heck of a show with wrestling up and down the card (though the quality varies) with the instant classic being more than enough to carry it a long way. As overloaded as WWE has been with tournaments lately, this is a chance to give Batista a fresh challenger and that could help him a lot at the moment. Now granted it still looks like he’s feuding with HHH, but I wouldn’t put too much worry into something like that. Rather good show, with one match taking it to a different level.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw – March 28, 2005: The Home Stretch

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 28, 2005
Location: Fort Worth Convention Center, Fort Worth, Texas
Attendance: 7,300
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Wrestlemania and odds are that means a lot of final pushes towards the show. You might see less action than usual as well as WWE won’t be wanting to risk any unnecessary injuries before the biggest night of the year. Batista and HHH are going face to face tonight so we’ll see where they go with their last chance. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Chris Jericho is in the ring for the Highlight Reel and of course there is a ladder in the middle with the briefcase above it. Jericho talks about making history by becoming the first Undisputed Champion and he’ll do it again by winning the first Money in the Bank ladder match. He knows what it feels like to be World Champion and he wants to feel it again. That brings him to his guests: Chris Benoit and Shelton Benjamin.

Jericho says the three of them are kind of friends but he’ll do whatever it takes to win the briefcase. That’s fine with Benoit, but what isn’t fine is Jericho saying he wants to win more than anyone. Shelton interrupts to say that he’s never been World Champion but he’s the only one with gold right now. Cue Christian and Tyson Tomko to say that they’re all lame and that Christian is winning on Sunday. Christian asks what will happen when he gets his first World Title shot. Shelton: “Probably get your a** beat by Batista or HHH.” That was funny.

Christian takes credit for winning two ladder matches at Wrestlemania so here’s Edge to interrupt. He had something to do with those wins but on Sunday, he’ll be winning his third on his own. Edge doesn’t want to hear about Intercontinental Titles or broken necks because he’s done all of that. He’ll do whatever it takes to win the title so Benoit lunges to start the brawl.

Chris Jericho/Shelton Benjamin/Chris Benoit vs. Tyson Tomko/Christian/Edge

Joined in progress with Christian coming in to hammer on Jericho in the corner. Jericho grabs a suplex and brings Shelton in for two off a very fast running shoulder. Benjamin fights out of the corner without much effort but Tomko catches him with a Boss Man Slam. The villains start taking over on Shelton as Lawler explains the details of the MITB contract. That sounds like old hat now, but explaining that someone could cash in on an injured champion at a moment’s notice was a new concept back then.

Shelton powers over to the corner but the referee doesn’t see it and the trouble continues. The chinlock goes on for a bit until Shelton fights up for a double clothesline. The diving tag brings Benoit in for a quick suplex into the Sharpshooter with Christian having to save Edge. Therefore, Benoit German suplexes Christian over and over but Edge crotches Benoit on top. A superplex brings the bloody Benoit (busted open off a headbutt to Tomko) down and we come back from a break with Benoit covered in blood.

He’s also fighting out of a chinlock and getting elbowed in the face for two with Benjamin making the save. Benoit is fine enough to headbutt Christian off the top and hit the Swan Dive, setting up the real hot tag to Jericho. Everything breaks down and Edge spears Tomko by mistake, only to have Shelton Dragon Whip Benoit by mistake. The exploder plants Christian but Tomko hits a heck of a big boot on Shelton. Jericho doesn’t mind and puts Tomko in the Walls for the win.

Rating: C+. This was your standard “get (almost) everyone in the big match in this match for a preview” and the talent in there made it worked. Tomko was a good enough Kane substitute as he was only in there for the power stuff. The good thing about having this much talent is you can throw them into any combination and get a nice match, which is what they had here.

Post match Christian brings in the ladder but here’s Kane to take everyone out.

When Harry Met Sally Wrestlemania trailer.

Eric Bischoff comes in to see Batista and makes him promise a lack of physicality when he and HHH face off tonight. Bischoff can’t afford an injury, so Batista says HHH shouldn’t get injured. Batista promises to not start anything tonight, but he’ll finish anything HHH starts. That’s enough for Eric, but he comes back to ask about Batista’s used car salesman last week. Bischoff brings up Batista’s movie trailer and thinks he could be a Hollywood star (the man knows talent). Batista appreciates that and thinks Bischoff reminds him of someone in Pulp Fiction. That would be the Gimp.

Trish, Christy (in a dress, with Lita), arm wrestling, Christy wins after delays, Christy wins a rematch, Trish nails Lita in the leg. Every one you’ve ever seen of these things.

Classic Steve Austin Moment: the beer truck.

Here’s Randy Orton for a chat. We see a clip of him attacking Stacy Keibler last week, earning Orton a mixed reaction. Perhaps from fans who are glad Stacy is gone? Last week, Stacy hesitated when Orton asked if he could beat Undertaker at Wrestlemania. Orton isn’t waiting because you’re either with him or against him and he wants no distractions. Undertaker is undefeated at Wrestlemania because everyone is beaten before they get into the ring. His future involves a Hall of Fame plaque, which says he beat Undertaker at Wrestlemania. The Undertaker is a legend but Orton is a legend killer.

The lights go out and we see a video counting down the Undertaker’s victims at Wrestlemania over the years. These Wrestlemania videos are always well done and they played a big part in making the Streak feel so important. Back in the arena, the posts catch on fire and Orton is scared to death on the floor. These segments have been good, but I’m not quite buying Orton as a threat after how far he’s fallen in the last few months.

Post break Kane comes up to Orton and sees through his confidence. Kane was lucky to escape two Wrestlemania matches against Undertaker. Orton says he knows what he’s getting into but Kane says Orton needs to prove that he isn’t scared of Undertaker. He has six days to prove it. So there’s a Smackdown segment.

Tag Team Titles: Simon Dean/Maven vs. La Resistance vs. William Regal/Tajiri

Regal and Tajiri are defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Dean and Maven hit a double hiptoss on Tajiri to start so Regal comes in for a double elbow to Maven. La Resistance make their own save so Dean can hit a swinging neckbreaker on Regal. The chinlock doesn’t last long so Grenier gets in a cheap shot from the apron but Regal is right back with a snap bell to back suplex. The hot (though you wouldn’t know it by listening) tag brings in Tajiri for a bunch of kicks, including a big one to pin Maven and retain the titles.

Rating: D. So that didn’t do much. These four were thrown on the show because they had nothing to do at Wrestlemania (save for maybe being in the battle royal), which doesn’t seem to matter despite Regal and Tajiri being champions. I know they’ve been around forever, but would dropping them be the worst thing? Just for now? Other than house show matches, do they really serve an important purpose?

Bischoff tries to convince HHH to stay calm tonight but HHH says Bischoff is forcing him into the ring tonight. HHH will stay calm but if Batista blinks at him in the wrong way, it’s on. These segments feel like filler but what else are they going to do on this show? Promote something else for Wrestlemania?

Smackdown Rebound.

Muhammad Hassan vs. Shawn Michaels

Hassan and Daivari do their usual stuff before the match and it’s a bit more over than usual in Texas. Hassan goes with a knee to the ribs to take Shawn down early and hammers away with right hands. Back up and Shawn is smart enough to stomp on Daivari’s interfering fingers as we take a break.

We come back with Shawn’s back in trouble as Hassan’s offense continues to not be impressive in any way. A back elbow gives Hassan two and the chinlock goes on. There’s a hard whip into the corner to hurt the back even more as they’re managing to kill a Texas crowd in a Shawn Michaels match.

More whips into the corner have Shawn’s back in more trouble and the USA chant proves Hassan’s point all over again. The camel clutch (loose, to be countered version) is broken up with a grab of the ropes and the fans….don’t seem to care. Shawn’s comeback is on with the atomic drop into the forearm into the nipup into the top rope elbow. Sweet Chin Music is loaded up for a very long time but Kurt Angle runs in for the DQ.

Rating: D. This was a great example of what happens when you’re just not that good. Hassan tries but his whole appeal is his gimmick, which isn’t that good either. It’s such a one note promo and idea and while it can work in small doses, we’ve heard the same promo about prejudice time after time. Then he gets in the ring and is so boring that there is no reason to care about anything he does. Even Shawn couldn’t lift him up so who else can make it work?

Post match Angle hits Muhammad by mistake and Shawn fights him off, sending Angle into the crowd as security comes out.

Bischoff tells security to be ready for the Batista vs. HHH brawl.

Wrestlemania Taxi Driver trailer.

Bischoff is in the ring to moderate the big showdown so here are HHH, Flair and Batista. HHH gets to go first and takes his time (shocking) to call Batista ungrateful. After everything HHH has done for him, this is how Batista repays him? No one knew who he was before he met HHH and now Batista is a star.

This goes on and on (shocking) until Batista gets to talk about how he’s going to win on Sunday. He does make sure to throw in some compliments to Flair, because we must praise Flair. Batista promises to take HHH out on Sunday so there goes the table. HHH slaps him in the face (so much for Bischoff’s warning) and security has to be dispatched, leaving Batista standing tall to end the show. That was about as uneventful as you could get, with Batista doing everything he has done before and HHH saying everything he has said before. It changed nothing for Sunday, but the match has been set for so long now that it doesn’t matter.

Overall Rating: D. I wasn’t into this one as they basically shut down everything for some of the same builds toward Sunday, which we’ve covered extensively in the last few weeks. The six man was good but that’s not enough to carry things. This was what happened when the big show is already set and has been for months now. I’m no more interested in watching Wrestlemania than I was before and I felt like I needed to get through this show more than enjoying it and that’s not good with six days to go.

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Monday Night Raw – March 21, 2005: The Main Events Need Helmets

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 21, 2005
Location: Jefferson Civic Center, Birmingham, Alabama
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Wrestlemania is less than two weeks away and that means we’re in the final stretches of the build. That can be both good and bad as some of the stories can be interesting but at the same time, some of them are running on fumes and not that great. Tonight it’s another Pick Your Poison match with Batista facing Kane. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Shawn Michaels vs. Rob Conway

Sylvain Grenier is here with Conway while Shawn is on his own. An early Grenier distraction doesn’t do much as Shawn sends Conway outside and beats up both French guys. That means a big flip dive to the floor for a bonus as I’m not exactly buying Shawn as being in much danger here.

A cheap shot with the flag pole gives Conway two and we take a break. Back with Shawn fighting out of a chinlock and skinning the cat to avoid a nasty landing on the floor. They slug it out as Conway is getting in far more offense than you would expect here. Shawn makes the real comeback with the usual and drops the top rope elbow. A very hot crowd is pleased as Sweet Chin Music finishes Conway.

Rating: C. That was better than I would have expected with Shawn working hard in a match that doesn’t mean anything for him. That’s how you get a crowd more interested in Wrestlemania as if Shawn can do this against someone like Conway, what could he do against Angle? Rather nice surprise here.

Video on Kurt Angle, who has won everywhere he goes and will do so again at Wrestlemania. The ankle lock gets a lot of extra attention here.

Christy Hemme is ready to fight and has been working on her kicks. She offers to demonstrate to William Regal and Tajiri, who immediately cover their crotches.

Basic Instinct Wrestlemania trailer. That’s a bit of a flashback over the last few weeks.

Molly Holly/Simon Dean/Maven vs. Christy Hemme/William Regal/Tajiri

Oh this is going to hurt. Trish Stratus comes out (with her hair pulled back for a change, making her look like a shorter Michelle McCool) to watch as a bonus. Regal takes Dean down by the arm to start and runs him over with a shoulder for no count. Tajiri comes in and gets dropped by a cheap shot from Maven.

It’s Tajiri getting beaten up as JR tries to keep Lawler from talking about Playboy. Dean goes after Regal but gets kicked in the face by Tajiri, meaning it’s off to the women. A Trish distraction doesn’t do much good as Christy kicks away at Holly but Dean breaks up a sunset flip. Regal knees Dean to the floor and the Molly Go Round misses. The reverse Twist of Fate finishes Molly.

Rating: D+. Well it could have been worse. The whole point of this match was to showcase Christy and have her look good in her outfit while managing to do the one move that she needs to do for the title match. The Tag Team Champions were just kind of there, but that has been the case for years now with those titles.

Classic Steve Austin moment: Vince and the bedpan. Vince’s heart monitor freaking out in time with the beatdown was a great touch.

Here’s an angry HHH for a chat, but first he sets a chair in the ring. He can’t believe how underappreciated he is for everything he does for this business. Do you know what it took to make Batista and Randy Orton into stars? The two of them ruined their own careers with their bad decisions and look where they are now.

Orton is currently volunteering to put his head on the chopping block for the Undertaker at Wrestlemania. He groveled for nothing when he was in Evolution too, but at least he was a star, just like Batista. See, Batista could have made the right decision and gone over to Smackdown, where he could have beaten JBL and John Cena. Now Batista is coming to Wrestlemania and he’s going to lose there too.

Batista went to Wrestlemania once and then won the Royal Rumble so he knows how to win now? The problem for Batista is that he’s coming up against a wrestling god and now the big loss is coming. Last week, Chris Benoit was added to the list of people that Benoit has beaten when Batista picked his poison.

Tonight HHH gets to do the same, as Batista faces Kane in a lumberjack match. HHH gets to pick the lumberjacks of course and anything goes. He’s going to make a decision that needs to be made the animal will be put down. We get some references to the Terry Schiavo case to finally end this after nearly fifteen minutes of HHH’s slow talking about how awesome he is.

Chris Jericho/Shelton Benjamin vs. Edge/Christian

Remember the previous tag match that looked bad? This one doesn’t. Tyson Tomko is here with the Canadian team. Jericho’s headlock on Christian doesn’t get him very far to start so a shoulder gives him two instead. Christian gets knocked outside though and it’s a meeting with Edge and Tomko, allowing Shelton to bust out the big flip dive for the showoff moment.

Edge comes in so Shelton hammers away in the corner until Christian gets in a cheap shot from the floor. Christian’s neckbreaker gets two and we hit the chinlock. Shelton gets up and hits a kick to the head, allowing the tag to Jericho (which looked to have been a bit short). The Lionsault hits Christian but Jericho has to dropkick Tomko off the apron, allowing Christian to hit the reverse DDT.

Back from a break with Shelton coming in off the second hot tag and powerslamming Edge for two. Everything breaks down and the Canadians load up Poetry in Motion, only to have Shelton use Edge as a launchpad to clothesline Christian. Jericho drops both Edge and Christian but dives into Tomko’s boot. The Stinger Splash hits Christian but he’s right back with a belt to the head, setting up Edge’s spear for the pin.

Rating: B-. This Edge and Christian reunion has been a lot of fun so far as they have the natural chemistry but it doesn’t feel like a rehash of the same stuff they’ve done before. They’re different people now and it’s the two of them as singles stars instead of a regular team. You can throw any combination of the awesome upper midcard scene at them and get a good match, just like this one.

Post match Edge and Christian lay out Shelton but Chris Benoit runs in for the save. Tomko brings in the ladder to drop Benoit.

Ric Flair gives the lumberjacks a pep talk, saying that Batista ruined their careers by not going to Smackdown. Tonight can be their own Wrestlemania and they need a new member of Evolution.

A nervous Eric Bischoff comes in to see Batista, telling him that he had nothing to do with the lumberjack match. He’s worried that Batista won’t be happy around here after winning the title at Wrestlemania but Batista says he isn’t worried about it. Batista asks if Bischoff has ever considered running for office. It turns out Bischoff has considered running for mayor of his hometown in Arizona, which is what Batista is talking about. Batista leaves but comes back, saying maybe Bischoff should just be a used car salesman. This didn’t work very well.

Randy Orton has a box for Undertaker and wants Stacy Keibler with him when he goes to the ring.

Smackdown Rebound.

Here are Orton and Keibler for a chat. Orton is ready to add another moment to his legacy at Wrestlemania when he ends the Streak. We see what is in the box: a shirt listing off all of the legends that Orton has killed. He isn’t afraid of Undertaker (take a shot) and will do whatever it takes to win. We get a video on Orton killing various legends before Orton talks about wanting to kill Undertaker’s legend.

That brings him to Stacy, and something he has wanted to do for a long time. They kiss, and it’s an RKO to lay her out. I’m hoping that the big moment was supposed to be their first public kiss because I find it hard to believe that nothing has happened between those two otherwise. I know this probably sounded good on paper, but Orton and Stacy belonged together as much as Stacy did on a wrestling show.

Classic Hulk Hogan Moment: the Mega Powers Explode. Sylvester Stallone will be inducting Hogan for your celebrity appearance.

Tyson Tomko vs. Chris Benoit

Fallout from earlier and Benoit has taped up ribs from the ladder shots. Tomko hits a running knee to knock Benoit to the floor at the bell but Benoit is fine enough to roll some German suplexes. One heck of a Swan Dive (which Benoit might have left short) hits (maybe) Tomko but the banged up ribs means it’s only two. Tomko boots him in the head as Lawler shouts to WORK ON THE RIBS. Another big boot misses and it’s the Crossface to finish Tomko. Always listen to Lawler.

Muhammad Hassan comes up to Shawn (who always looks weird in a suit) to tell him that Shawn knows nothing about adversity. Hassan should be on Wrestlemania because he has not been pinned on Raw. Daivari rants a lot but Shawn cuts them off, challenges Hassan for next week and dubs himself Mr. Wrestlemania.

Wrestlemania trailer: Taxi Driver, featuring a bunch of people doing the famous line and Batista doing his best Jim Ignatowski bit.

Kane vs. Batista

No DQ lumberjack match with HHH on commentary. Kane shoves him into the corner to start but gets powerslammed right back. A Muhammad Hassan distraction lets Chris Masters get in a cheap shot on Batista and it’s time for the slow power brawl. Batista has to kick La Resistance away, allowing Kane to get in a DDT to put him down again. Kane chokes on the ropes but stops to kick Snitsky, allowing Batista to slam him off the top. A big clothesline gives Batista two as the fans are looking at someone who appeared to fall down.

The chokeslam and Batista Bomb are both blocked so Batista shoulders him outside. Snitsky and Viscera go after Kane with the latter posting himself like a moron. The rest of the lumberjacks go after Batista but Edge, Christian and Tomko beat up Kane. Batista gets back up, fights them off, kicks out of the chokeslam and hits his two moves for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was every lumberjack match you can think of and that’s neither good nor bad. What was pretty bad was the match itself, as Kane isn’t the best when he’s up against another monster. He wrestles rather slowly and it makes for some pretty dull matches. Batista winning was never in doubt as he probably won’t be losing a match for several months, let alone this one.

HHH is livid to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The only thing that matters on this show is Batista vs. HHH as the other matches have been hyped up on either both shows or Smackdown alone. What we got here was good enough, but they’re running out of ways to hype up Batista vs. HHH in a pretty clear ending. Wrestlemania as a whole looks good, though the World Title matches have a limited hype ceiling and we reached that a few weeks ago.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw – March 7, 2005: Looking Forward

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 7, 2005
Location: RBC Center, Raleigh, North Carolina
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re less than a month away from Wrestlemania and that means it’s the Batista Show, which is exactly what it should be right now. In addition to that though we have Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle to keep setting up, plus Chris Jericho doing something with a ladder. I’m sure that won’t go anywhere. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of HHH being all upset and Batista not being worried.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Shawn to address Angle. Shawn talks about having a long and brutal match last week and then Angle attacked him. That’s why he showed up on Smackdown last week and gave Angle a beating of his own. We see a clip of Shawn coming to Smackdown and jumping Angle, which got Shawn thinking. Why is Angle having so much rage lately? It’s the kind of rage that comes from doubt, because Angle may be a Gold Medalist, but does that mean he can hang on the biggest stage of them all against Mr. Wrestlemania?

Angle pops up on screen and says it does go back to 1996. Yeah he won in the Olympics but then he kept being asked about turning pro. Shawn wrestled Bret Hart for over an hour and reporters talked to him about that instead of his gold medal. Angle wants Shawn to watch Smackdown as Angle is going to take four weeks to do what Shawn took sixteen years to do. Shawn doesn’t look sure to wrap things up. This was a very solid promo exchange as they gave a good story to a match that didn’t need one, which is always appreciated.

HHH vs. Rosey

Non-title as Rosey wants revenge for Hurricane from last week. A very early Pedigree attempt is blocked with Rosey hitting a running splash in the corner instead. Rosey misses a middle rope moonsault (which looked better than you might have expected) so HHH hammers away. HHH whips him into the steps and takes it back inside for the spinebuster. The Pedigree finishes things quick.

Post match HHH gets in a sledgehammer shot to further make his point, whatever that was supposed to be.

Jerry Lawler got Christy Hemme to sign his Playboy today.

Video on the Playboy shoot.

Ric Flair is worried about facing Batista tonight but HHH talks him into it. Promising to be out there with the sledgehammer makes Flair feel better too.

Chris Jericho, Edge, Shelton Benjamin, Christian and Chris Benoit are in Eric Bischoff’s office. Bischoff explains the concept of the big ladder match but Edge doesn’t want any part of it. The tease of getting a chance to be World Champion brings him back though, with Bischoff first dropping the term Money In The Bank. Tonight, the six participants will be facing off, with Christian getting to face the sixth participant next.

Kane vs. Christian

Christian tries to hammer away in the corner to start but gets shoved down with ease. Kane gets in his choking in the corner but a Tomko cheap shot gives Christian a break. Like any normal sized person against a monster, Christian tries the sleeper and has some more success than usual. Kane swings it around into a side slam and there’s a powerslam for a bonus. The big boot looks to set up the top rope clothesline but Kane has to kick Tomko down first. Not that it matters as Christian charges into the chokeslam for the pin a few seconds later.

Rating: D+. It was so nice to see a match like this that didn’t involve hearing 184 instances of commentary talking about building momentum. Instead they talked about the carnage coming in the ladder match and how big of a force Kane could be. It was a specific discussion instead of the generic terms that they use most of the time in the build to these things.

Post match Tomko hits a big boot on Kane before bailing with Christian.

Stacy Keibler helps Randy Orton get dressed so he can make his official challenge for Wrestlemania.

Lawler enjoys some Subway.

Chris Jericho vs. Edge

Edge has a banged up arm coming in after last week’s street fight. We start with the YOU SCREWED MATT chants as the feeling out process gets us going. Now it’s a YOU SCREWED LITA chant as Jericho starts in on a hammerlock. Some knees and a dropkick to the arm set up an attempted cross armbreaker as Edge is having some issues to start.

The running enziguri puts Edge down again and it’s the springboard dropkick to put him on the floor. A plancha to the floor takes Edge down and takes us to a break. Back with Jericho kicking at the ribs and going up top, only to have Edge catch him with a top rope superplex. The chinlock with a bodyscissors goes on but Jericho fights up, only to get kneed right back down.

A clothesline works a bit better for a comeback and Jericho gets two off a DDT. The running bulldog sets up the missed Lionsault and Edge gets two off a big boot. Jericho grabs the legs for the Walls attempt but Edge kicks him into the referee. Edge gets a boot up in the corner (the boot works well for him) but the missed spear sends Edge outside. Since there is a ladder out there with him, Edge brings it in, only to get taken down for a Lionsault to the back. There’s no referee though so Edge hits Jericho low with the ladder. The Edgecution gives Edge the pin.

Rating: C+. I was expecting a bit more given the time they had, but Edge cheating to win fits him very well at the moment. He’s obsessed with winning the title and will do anything he can to get a step closer to being champion. The match was good enough due to the talent involved, but these two can do better.

Bischoff has a new idea: Batista picks HHH’s opponent and the week after that, HHH picks Batista’s opponent. Coach declares this to be genius, with Bischoff dubbing the idea Pick Your Poison.

Hulk Hogan Hall of Fame video. We covered that last week.

Here’s Orton for his Wrestlemania challenge. When he was five years old, he sat in front of the TV and watched his dad wrestle, which was pretty cool. This year, his dad is going into the Hall of Fame and Orton is so proud of him. Wrestling is about making an impact and that is what he’s going to do right now by challenging the Undertaker for Wrestlemania. Undertaker is a legend and the Legend Killer is putting an end to the Streak.

This brings out Bischoff, who thinks he drove Orton to the challenge. He’s looking forward to Raw winning the interbranded matches at Wrestlemania because the stock options will be great. Orton asks Bischoff about running WCW and his success against Raw. Bischoff agrees and Orton thinks that makes him a legend. Bischoff: “That’s right Randy it…..does.” The RKO drops Bischoff. Orton vs. Undertaker sounds good on paper, but it would have had more of an impact had Orton not been destroyed over the last few months.

Wrestlemania rundown.

Chris Benoit vs. Shelton Benjamin

Non-title. They go straight to the chops to start with Benjamin getting sent outside for the big dive, which sends Benoit crashing into the ladder, bending it in the process (that’s a hard one to watch). Back in and the top rope clothesline gets two but Benoit is right back up with the rolling German suplexes. The Swan Dive misses though and Shelton rolls him up for one. The Dragon Whip misses and Benoit grabs the Crossface, eventually rolling into the middle to make Benjamin tap.

Rating: C. That was intense but rather short as they didn’t even get five minutes. These two could have an instant classic with more time but given that Edge vs. Jericho got the time earlier, it’s not like the time was given to something worthless. Shelton tapping isn’t the best idea, though it doesn’t mean much given the circumstances.

Wrestlemania trailer, this time with Undertaker as Dirty Harry. That doesn’t fit well during the Deadman phase. Neither is Undertaker shooting the guy with a shotgun.

We look at HHH hitting Rosey with the hammer again.

Bischoff is banged up when Muhammad Hassan and Daivari come in. Hassan should have been in Money in the Bank and claims discrimination. Bischoff based the participants on their past success at Wrestlemania and that doesn’t apply to Hassan. Revenge is promised.

Smackdown Rebound.

William Regal and Tajiri are impressed by Christy’s Playboy but Trish isn’t quite so keen.

Here’s Christy for a chat. Lawler: “I go from 0 to horny in about 3.5 seconds when I hear her music.” Even JR sidesteps that one and I think we’re all better off for that. She wants Trish out here right now so here’s the champ. Trish tells her to make this quick but thinks she knows what is going on: Christy wants her out here for the announcement that Playboy goes on sale this Friday. Maybe Christy can even autograph it “s***”, like Trish wrote on her last week.

Actually Christy wants a title shot at Wrestlemania. Trish laughs and then promises to end Christy’s career. Christy wants the match so Trish says it’s on. It turns out that Christy has been receiving training from Lita, who comes out to a reaction that almost makes you forget that it’s Christy Hemme getting a Wrestlemania title shot. Granted it’s not like there is anyone else to challenge though. Christy takes advantage of the Lita staredown and hits a reverse Twist of Fate, with the camera catching most of it.

Bischoff won’t let HHH go to ringside for the main event, at least not with the sledgehammer. HHH and Flair complain but Bischoff shows some backbone and makes HHH drop the hammer.

Next week: HHH vs. Chris Benoit.

Ric Flair vs. Batista

HHH is here with Flair. The fans aren’t entirely behind Batista as this is certainly Flair Country. Batista shoves him down with ease to start so Flair goes at him again and gets shoved down a second time. A backdrop sends Flair flying and Batista hammers away in the corner.

HHH offers a distraction and Flair gets in the classic chop block. Flair chokes away with the boot before going back to the knee. The greatest hits only work for so long though as Batista gets up and glares at Flair. The big slam off the top checks off another box and there’s the spinebuster. HHH tries to run in and gets tossed out, setting up the Batista Bomb for the pin.

Rating: C. This was a paint by numbers match and that’s the right call. Flair (or anyone for that matter) isn’t going to be seen as a threat to Batista at the moment but beating him fits the story. Batista gets another win and gets to look dominant as well as smart. That’s a good use of seven minutes, even if the match was never in doubt.

Post match HHH comes back in with a spar sledgehammer but Batista takes it away. The hammer is broken over Batista’s knee, sending HHH into a panic to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. There was a lot more to this show than the wrestling and that worked fairly well. They set up a few matches for Wrestlemania, one of which will actually be good, and kept going with more between HHH vs. Batista. The Pick Your Poison deal lets them have two weeks of storyline stuff, which is better than cramming it into one week. Stuff was done on this show, though it does make it clear how much more Raw has to offer than Smackdown for Wrestlemania.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Summerslam Count-Up – Summerslam 2012 (2013 Redo): That Weird Period

IMG Credit: WWE

Summerslam 2012
Date: August 19, 2013
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 14,205
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

The main story here is Brock Lesnar is back, having returned the night after Wrestlemania to start a feud with John Cena. That feud lasted for a month before Lesnar started going after HHH. It wasn’t until three months later, as in tonight, that they’re having their showdown. Other than that we have Punk defending the title against Big Show and Cena and Sheamus defending against Del Rio. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Antonio Cesaro vs. Santino Marella

This is one of those ideas that was brought back after far too many years off. Santino is defending and Cesaro has his HORRID dance music here. He also has Aksana who isn’t horrid at all, other than in the ring of course. Cesaro’s word of the day in five languages: greatness. Santino does the power walk to the ring and is as goofy as ever. Cesaro takes it to the mat but Santino actually spins out for two.

A judo throw puts Cesaro down before Santino power walks out of an Irish whip. Must resist country jokes. Santino avoids a charge in the corner and loads up the Cobra but Cesaro takes his head off from behind. The Cobra goes to the floor and Aksana throws it away. Off to a reverse chinlock with Cesaro pulling on Marella’s ears to keep him away from the Cobra. IT’S A FREAKING SOCK! I know Foley used one too but it didn’t seem to have magical powers.

Santino kicks Cesaro away but still can’t get the sock. The gutwrench suplex gets no cover from the challenger, as he would rather rip the Cobra to shreds. Santino pounds away but misses the headbutt. He counters the Neutralizer and pulls out another Cobra, proving THAT IT’S JUST A FREAKING SOCK! Aksana gets on the apron and the Cobra wants her, allowing Cesaro to hit the Neutralizer for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. IT’S A FREAKING SOCK! Match was ok but the majority of the five minutes were spent on Santino trying to put a sock on his hand so he can use a neck attack taught to him by John Lovitz. I know he’s a comedy character but there’s a point where it’s stupid rather than funny. Santino half crossed that line years ago.

The opening video talks about the twenty five years of Summerslam, meaning we’ll have to hear about how this is the 25^th anniversary. The video is interrupted by talk of a storm called Brock Lesnar, which to be fair is the main draw of the show.

Jerry and Cole’s intro is cut off by Vickie’s screeching intro of Ziggler.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Chris Jericho

Dolph is Mr. MITB here and Jericho is freshly face after Ziggler accused him of going soft. Jericho has taped up ribs from an attack at Ziggler’s hands. The fans LOVE Chris and things start fast with the Canadian hitting the jumping back elbow to the jaw. Jericho slips out of the corner on a spinning clothesline but Ziggler escapes a suplex and kicks him in the ribs to take over. Dolph stays on the ribs for a quick two but gets backdropped out to the floor.

Chris’ springboard dive misses as Ziggler casually ducks, sending Jericho crashing to the floor. Ziggler hooks on a chinlock with a bodyscissors to stay on the ribs. A knee to the head gets two for Dolph and a neckbreaker, complete with hip swivel and ARROGANT COVER, gets two more.

Jericho gets a quick cradle for two but Ziggler takes him right back down with a clothesline. Dolph misses a Stinger Splash and Chris goes after him, only to be easily taken down by another shot to the ribs. Not that it matters as he pops up top for the ax handle but Ziggler kicks him in the ribs again. The Fameasser gets two but an enziguri puts Dolph down for two as well. Back and forth match so far here.

Dolph jumps over Chris in the corner and puts on the sleeper which looks horrid here. Jericho rams him into the corner to escape and rains down some right hands before snapping off a top rope hurricanrana. The ribs are damaged even more though, delaying the count by several seconds. A jumping DDT gets two on the Canadian and Ziggler is getting frustrated.

They slug it out with Jericho taking him down via the bulldog but the Lionsault hits knees. The Zig Zag gets two but Dolph can’t follow up. Instead he walks into the Codebreaker to send him to the floor. Jericho throws him in but gets tripped up by Vickie, allowing Ziggler to roll him up for two. Dolph misses a charge into the post and the Walls go on for the submission.

Rating: C+. The idea here was that Jericho couldn’t win the big one anymore. The problem here though is they would have a rematch tomorrow night with Jericho’s contract and Dolph’s case on the line. Why they didn’t have that match here is anyone’s guess but at least it was a good opener and the fans popped for the ending. They had some Shelton vs. HBK from 2005 in there with Jericho fighting a younger version of himself but using his maturity and experience to get the win.

Vickie freaks out over the loss.

We recap Brock breaking Shawn Michaels’ arm on Raw.

Heyman and Brock say Lesnar wins tonight.

Daniel Bryan vs. Kane

It’s amazing that this team started less than a year ago. The fans are already chanting YES and Bryan says NO. It’s amazing how a chant this simple carried Bryan so far. This was set up by GM AJ as revenge against Bryan for jilting her or something. Bryan fires off kicks to start but walks into an uppercut to knock him back. Daniel moonsaults over Kane in the corner but gets kicked in the face to put him down. The low dropkick gets two for Kane but the fans are all behind Daniel.

Another big boot gets two but Bryan comes back with the kicks to the legs, only to be thrown over the top and out to the floor. Bryan slides back in and hits the FLYING GOAT to put Kane down. The missile dropkick drops Kane again and there are more kicks, only to have Kane clothesline his way out of trouble. The side slam gets two and the top rope clothesline looks to set up the chokeslam but Bryan bails to the floor.

Bryan slaps him in the face like a knucklehead, sending Kane through the roof. Bryan is tossed into the corner and stomped down by a furious Kane. The referee drags him away, allowing Bryan to try the NO Lock. Kane powers out so Bryan kicks him in the head. Why overcomplicate things? The flying headbutt is caught in the chokeslam but Kane wants the tombstone, allowing Bryan to counter into a small package for the pin.

Rating: C+. Good match here and you could see the anger management stuff coming. Kane had Bryan beat but wanted revenge and let Bryan catch him off guard. These two obviously had chemistry together and the story would be a big boost to Kane’s career. Also the original idea here was Bryan vs. Charlie Sheen somehow. Thankfully that was never mentioned again.

Kane is going nuts in the back. Josh Matthews comes up to him like the schnook he is and is LAUNCHED off camera in a funny bit.

Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz

Miz is defending and Mysterio is dressed like Batman. Rey grabs a quick rollup for two and the champion bails to the floor for a bit. AJ has promised to deal with Kane for attacking Matthews tomorrow on Raw. Miz throws Mysterio through the ropes to the floor but Rey rolls through to avoid pain. The champion sends him ribs first into the barricade to take over as this isn’t doing much for me so far.

Miz pulls on Rey’s face and puts on a chinlock before hitting something resembling Abyss’ Shock Treatment (torture rack backbreaker) for two. A boot to Rey’s head gets two and it’s off to a cravate for a bit. Miz hits the corner clothesline but spends too much time laughing at the crowd, allowing Rey to crotch him on the top.

Rey’s seated senton is rolled through into a slingshot sitout powerbomb for two from Miz. Rey comes back with a tornado DDT for the same result and a top rope hurricanrana sends Miz into the 619 position. The kick to the face connects but Rey misses the top rope splash. The Skull Crushing Finale is countered into a cradle for a hot two count. A second attempt at the Finale works though to retain Miz’s title.

Rating: C-. This took a long time to get going but it had a few nice moments at the end. Both of these guys fell so far in just a year as both guys were fighting for the world title just a year ago. The match wasn’t bad but it didn’t do much for me. It was one of those matches that came and went and I won’t think about it again an hour from now.

Teddy Long and Eve, the bosses of Smackdown, leave AJ’s office and seem to approve of what she’s doing. They leave and Punk goes in to find a smiling AJ. Punk doesn’t like the idea of being in a triple threat for the title tonight and thinks it’s happening as revenge for him rejecting AJ’s proposal. AJ just stares off into space and Punk accuses her of disrespecting him but she doesn’t move an inch.

We recap Alberto Del Rio vs. Sheamus. These two feuded FOREVER and Del Rio never did much of anything. He complained about Sheamus not being high class so Sheamus stole Del Rio’s car. Fake cops beat up Sheamus and that’s about it. It’s as boring of a feud as it sounds.

Smackdown World Title: Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio

Feeling out process to start with both guys tumbling out to the floor. Back in and Sheamus hits a quick neckbreaker and the rolling senton for two each. Sheamus puts him on the top rope for a belly to back superplex but Alberto gets onto Sheamus’ shoulder to escape. The buckle pad is pulled off in the process. Del Rio can’t hook the armbreaker so he kicks Sheamus out to the floor instead. Sheamus is sent knee first into the steps as the crowd is DEAD.

Back in and Del Rio hits a flying shoulder block for two before hooking the chinlock. A kick to the head gets two on the champion and we hit the chinlock. That goes nowhere so Del Rio mocks Sheamus’ chest pounding before the Brogue Kick, only to have Sheamus ax handle him in the head. Sheamus goes up but a kick to the let puts him down again. A kick to the arm gets two for Alberto and the armbreaker goes on, FINALLY waking the fans up.

Sheamus of course is barely phased by it and rolls onto Del Rio to break the pressure. He picks Alberto up into a kind of powerbomb to break the hold, earning himself a chant from the crowd. White Noise gets two and Sheamus avoids a charge in the corner, setting up the forearms in the ropes. Sheamus pounds down right hands in the corner but gets dropped face first onto the exposed buckle. The enziguri in the corner is good for two so Del Rio yells at Ricardo. Rodriguez throws in a shoe but Sheamus intercepts it to knock Ricardo out cold. The Irish Curse hits for the pin, ignoring Del Rio’s foot being on the rope. REMATCH!

Rating: D+. The match was decent but it never felt like Sheamus was in any real danger. The drop onto the exposed buckle and the enziguri got a near fall, but it didn’t feel like a close near fall; It felt like it was there because this is where we’re supposed to have a dramatic kick out if that makes sense. It’s not bad but this feud didn’t need to continue at all.

We hear about Mike Tyson and Piers Morgan having a Twitter war over the main event. I’ve got nothing.

We get a clip from the pre show where HHH tells the referee that the match isn’t ending on a countout or a DQ.

Tag Titles: Prime Time Players vs. Kofi Kingston/R-Truth

I don’t remember Kofi and Truth being champions AT ALL. Truth and Young get us going as the fans chant Kobe Bryant, referencing the joke that got AW fires. Young is taken down by an armdrag and a legdrop gets two for Truth. Truth has to fight out of the corner but gets caught in the face by a big boot for two. Back up and Truth hits a great side kick to take Titus’ head off and get himself a breather. Off to Kofi to speed things up as the crowd still isn’t all that interested.

Kofi chops O’Neil down but a Young distraction lets the challengers take over. Titus clotheslines Kofi down for two before suplexing Young onto Kofi’s back for two. A snap powerslam gets the same for Darren and it’s back to Titus for an abdominal stretch. That goes nowhere so Titus loads up a spinout Rock Bottom, only to be pulled dowin into a DDT. Hot tag brings in Truth to clean house and everything breaks down. Titus is sent to the floor and caught by a Kofi dive, allowing Truth to hit Little Jimmy on Darren to retain the titles.

Rating: D+. This could have been on any given Raw. The Players are a decent team but Titus is clearly the star with Young just being there. Kofi and Truth are just transitional champions before HELL NO would take the championships a few weeks later. Nothing to see here other than a filler before we get to the main events.

Video on Summerslam Axxess.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Punk won the title at Survivor Series but got angry over Rock vs. Cena being announced as the main event of Wrestlemania 28 a year in advance. Cena cashed in the MITB case at Raw 1000 but Big Show cost Cena the match. AJ made it a three way for the sake of tormenting Punk (now a heel demanding respect) for turning down her proposal.

Punk’s complaints about how the title should be the focus and how he wasn’t getting respect are why his heel turn didn’t go well: those are logical points and heels aren’t supposed to be logical. WWE failing to get this is the source of a lot of their problems. Heels are supposed to be bullies or maniacal in their delusions, not making thought out rational points.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. CM Punk vs. Big Show

Show knocks down both smaller guys as Cole talks about Punk not main eventing a show since December despite holding the title the entire time. Good point actually. The LOUD chop hits both Cena and Punk’s chests twice each with Big Show in total control. They finally work together but Show easily suplexes them both down. Cena is crushed in the corner, knocking him out to the floor so it’s Punk vs. Show one on one.

Punk wisely takes out the knee and fires off kicks to the chest as the fans are entirely behind him. The smart moves are canceled out though as Punk tries a GTS with the obvious result. Cena tries an AA but the powers of gravity take him down to the mat, crushing Cena’s head against the mat. Show chops Punk down in the corner and knocks Cena out to the floor. Punk avoids a splash but tries a springboard cross body like a schnook, earning that powerslam he gets.

The Final Cut puts Punk down but Cena breaks up the WMD, earning himself a spear from the giant for two. Show loads up a double Vader Bomb but only hits Cena, allowing Punk to springboard onto Show for the save. Everyone heads to the floor with Big Show chokeslamming Punk against the ropes, sending him back to the floor. Show drops Cena with a side slam but stares at the crowd instead of covering. Maybe someone was holding up a Twinkie?

Cena actually hits a belly to back suplex on Show and loads up the Shuffle, only to have Punk charge in for the save. The champion drops the Macho Elbow for two on Show but gets launched away. Since covering hasn’t worked, Punk puts on a modified Koji Clutch but Show easily powers out. The crowd has DIED for some reason. Cena comes back in and shoulders Show down, bringing them right back to life.

There’s the STF on Show but the big man stands up to break the hold. Punk comes in with a springboard clothesline to take Show down again, followed by three straight knees to the head in the corner. The bulldog is easily countered (of course) but Cena hits the top rope Fameasser to put the giant down.

We get a Koji Clutch/STF combo and Show taps, but we have no clear winner. This brings out AJ (Punk: “DO THE RIGHT THING LIKE SPIKE LEE! LET THE PEOPLE DECIDE! THEY CAN TWEET ABOUT IT!”) who eventually says restart the match, allowing Show to hit a double chokeslam for two on each guy. Cena ducks the WMD and hits the AA, but Punk throws him to the floor and steals the pin to retain.

Rating: C. The match was ok with the logical story but it was nothing we hadn’t seen before. The restart was pretty dumb as well as Big Show shouldn’t have had a chance to win the title after tapping out. Cena vs. Punk would continue for months which would make for some great matches, but this wasn’t anything special. Not bad at all though.

Various B level celebrities are here. Maria Menunos in a Bob Backlund shirt works very well.

Trailer for whatever WWE’s latest movie is at the point. The Day. Ok then.

We recap the pre-show match to fill in time.

Kevin Rudolf sings the theme song.

We recap the main event. Basically Lesnar tried to hold the company hostage by renaming Raw to Monday Night Raw Starring Brock Lesnar. HHH stood up to him and got a broken arm as a result. Brock broke Shawn Michaels’ arm as well to make it a domestic issue for HHH. This was one of those feuds that people weren’t all that thrilled to see but it could have been worse. More on that later.

Brock Lesnar vs. HHH

Every time I watch a Brock Lesnar match I remember how scary of a human being he is. We get spotlights for the big match intros in a cool idea. Remember that HHH told the referee to allow a lot of fighting tonight. Lesnar powers HHH into the corner to start and goes for a standing kimura (arm lock that he used to break the arm) with a jumping body scissors. HHH though is a MAN and powers out of it before clotheslining Brock to the floor. Back in and Brock pounds away, only to be clotheslined to the floor again. You know, because Cena can be in a war with Brock at Extreme Rules but HHH can easily stop him.

Brock comes back in and takes the MMA gloves off before taking HHH down to the mat with an amateur move. They head outside with HHH shrugging off Brock’s attacks and pounding away, only to be dropped arm first onto the announce table. Lesnar eventually drags HHH back in for a hammerlock slam. Back to the standing kimura with Brock wrapping the arm around the ropes and ramming it into the corner.

A release German suplex puts HHH down again but he comes back with a neck snap across the ropes. Brock is taken down by a DDT but he goes right back to the kimura and another hammerlock slam. They head to the floor with the arm going into the steps and the rest of HHH going into the announce table. Brock jumps off the table onto the Game before taking him back inside. Of all things, Lesnar busts out a small package for a one count. A hard clothesline puts HHH down but he blocks a suplex into one of his own to get a breather.

Brock misses a charge into the corner but blocks a Pedigree and throws HHH out to the floor. HHH sends him into the announce table stomach first, which is a weak spot due to some real life past illnesses which ended his UFC career for all intents and purposes. More shots to the stomach have Brock in trouble and a knee to the ribs puts him down. Heyman is losing his mind and Brock is in trouble.

The spinebuster puts Brock down and there’s the Pedigree for two. A low blow puts HHH down and Heyman screams that this was HHH’s idea. The F5 is good for two and Brock is stunned. I have no idea why, as you know you can’t get a win off one finisher in WWE. Now the kimura goes on again with a bodyscissors but a rope break means nothing. Instead HHH pretty easily punches his way out of it and hits another Pedigree. Thankfully Brock no sells it and puts on the kimura, breaking the arm again and drawing the submission.

Rating: C+. The match is ok but it has one major flaw: it’s BORING. You don’t bring in Brock Lesnar to have him go toe to toe with HHH. You bring him in to have him destroy small cities and eat villagers. That’s the issue here. We went from Cena surviving against an insane Brock Lesnar to HHH having Brock in trouble in a dull match. Lesnar didn’t seem insane here at all and it made for a much less interesting match. Also, Cena won with a Hail Mary shot, where as HHH can slug it out with Lesnar? That just doesn’t hold up at all. Somehow this would be the high point, as this feud went on another TEN MONTHS.

Naturally HHH gets the big heroic stand up in the ring, but instead of people giving him a standing ovation they tell him that he tapped out. HHH stands there until people finally applaud him. He apologizes to the fans and slowly walks out. I guess this is supposed to be like Austin at Wrestlemania 13 but it’s just failing. The speculation is that HHH is leaving for good. If you bought that, raise your hand to show how gullible you are.

Overall Rating: C-. This is an interesting show as most of the matches are ok but nothing goes beyond that level. Most of this show would be classified as ok at best and uninteresting at worst. It’s just kind of there with nothing memorable other than HHH DEMANDING to give us his moment at the end. Nothing to see here and not worth checking out.

Ratings Comparison

Antonio Cesaro vs. Santino Marella

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Chris Jericho vs. Dolph Ziggler

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Daniel Bryan vs. Kane

Original: C-

Redo: C+

Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz

Original: C

Redo: C-

Alberto Del Rio vs. Sheamus

Original: D

Redo: D+

R-Truth/Kofi Kingston vs. Prime Time Players

Original: C

Redo: D+

John Cena vs. CM Punk vs. Big Show

Original: C-

Redo: C

Brock Lesnar vs. HHH

Original: B

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: D+

Redo: C-

It’s still boring.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/08/19/summerslam-2012-lesnar-is-a-wrestler-again-just-like-everyone-else/

We’re done with Summerslam now. It’s very different from Wrestlemania and that’s a good thing. Wrestlemania is the serious show of the year but Summerslam has a much lighter feeling. It’s called the Biggest Party of the Summer and it feels like that a lot of the time. The main events are usually big enough and the show feels important, but it’s definitely less serious than Mania. That’s a good thing too, as you’re simply not going to out-important Wrestlemania, so why try? It’s a good series, but like any other show there are some BAD years for it.

That’s it for the redos of the major shows. I definitely enjoyed coming back and looking at them again, but this is going to be the last time I do this. It’s a two fold reason: first of all, it takes WAY too much time. I spent eight and a half months doing these combined and it’s going to get even longer every time. At the end of the day I can’t do 100+ redos every few years. It’s just not realistic. The other issue is the same as it is for any show: I’ve covered them. There just isn’t anything left to say about a lot of these shows. I mean, how many times can I talk about a Natural Disasters match? It would get repetitive and that’s not fun.

However, I will be doing the count-ups every year and I’ll redo each year’s previous show for the Big Four each year. Maybe I’ll eventually do these series again, but it’ll be one a year and not all back to back. It just can’t be done and it takes away too much time from other stuff I could be looking at.

Anyway, thanks for checking them out and I’ll have new stuff up soon, probably by the time you’re done reading this.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/05/31/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-in-your-house/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Summerslam Count-Up – Summerslam 2003 (2019 Redo): So Much For That

IMG Credit: WWE

Summerslam 2003
Date: August 24, 2003
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 16,113
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s one of the biggest shows of the year and I can’t bring myself to get excited over it. This show really hasn’t been built up very well with only the Smackdown World Title match with Kurt Angle defending against Brock Lesnar offering much interest. The rest of the show feels very flat, especially the Raw World Title match which should have been Goldberg vs. HHH. Let’s get to it.

The United States Marine Corps Color Guard presents the flag and Lillian Garcia sings the National Anthem. As always, it’s an outstanding performance.

The opening video shows a beach but the sun goes behind a cloud and the shot shifts to the Elimination Chamber. The narration basically makes it sounds like the Chamber is poisoning everyone’s souls and turning them all evil, including Kane, who isn’t even in the thing. I’d bet money that Jim Ross wrote that, thinking it sounded even more dramatic than when he gives the Cell human characteristics.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance

La Resistance is defending and Bubba brings out the American flag. The Dudleys jump them in the aisle and the beatdown is on with D-Von choking Dupree with the robe. An armdrag into an armbar (FEEL THE HATRED!) doesn’t go very well as Dupree takes D-Von into the corner so the champs can take over. D-Von is right back with the shots to the head, allowing the tag off to the very loud Bubba. It might be annoying, but I can always go for a partner making noise and being active on the apron instead of just standing there.

Grenier gets tied in the Tree of Woe so Bubba can stand between his legs for a loud scream. It’s not quite table time, allowing Grenier to get in a cheap shot so the champs can really take over. Dupree grabs a bearhug, which is quite the odd visual on someone as big as Bubba. A Bubba Bomb gets him out of trouble though and the not very hot tag brings in D-Von for the house cleaning.

Dupree gets powerslammed for two but the champs clear the ring again. The double spinebuster gets two on D-Von (there’s the crowd reaction, and all it took was kicking out of the champs’ finisher). Bubba comes back in for the Flip, Flop and Fly, followed by What’s Up on Grenier. 3D connects but Grenier pulls the referee out, allowing a cameraman to deck D-Von with his camera, giving Dupree the pin. It’s the serviceman from Raw of course.

Rating: C-. The match was ok, but not exactly the hottest choice in the world for an opener. Having the Americans lose to the EVIL Frenchmen doesn’t quite get the show off on the right foot and now we’re likely to see another rematch between these teams as this feud to show off THE POWERS OF AMERICA continues. La Resistance is fine to hold the titles, but they need something more than “we are French and therefore evil”.

Post match Spike Dudley comes in and gets beaten down as well. So after the big American military opening and carrying the flag, the Dudleys lose to the heatless champions again. The Dudleys would get the belts back a month later, but instead we need to see them lose here. Of course we also needed this match instead of the World’s Greatest Tag Team, Rey Mysterio, John Cena or Christian.

Coach tries to talk to the Dudleys but makes the mistake of praising La Resistance’s success. Bubba declares that people who hate America suck and promises to get the belts back.

Christian asks Eric Bischoff why he’s not on the show but Eric blames Steve Austin. Since he can’t wrestle, he offers to be Bischoff’s backup tonight. Bischoff has a plan though and promises to tell the world what happened with Linda on Monday.

We recap A-Train running Stephanie McMahon over last month and costing her a match against Sable. This turned into A-Train vs. Undertaker and WWE actually expects us to believe that this isn’t going to turn into Sable vs. Stephanie again.

A-Train vs. Undertaker

Sable is with A-Train in a rather nice outfit. Undertaker has bad ribs so he dodges a bit to start instead of going in full steam ahead. Instead of staying on the ribs, A-Train tries a headlock, allowing Undertaker to knee him in the ribs and take over. The running DDT gets two on A-Train and Old School connects early on. A shot to the ribs finally cuts Undertaker off (thanks for finally getting the idea Train) and some forearms to the ribs are good for two.

A-Train stays on the ribs with a vertical suplex, followed by a headbutt. Cole: “It’s like being hit in the head with a typewriter.” Normally I would question that, but Cole is the kind of dolt who would do that for fun. Undertaker manages Snake Eyes and a double clothesline puts both guys down for a quick rest.

A slugout goes to Undertaker (well duh) and a big legdrop gets two. For some reason Undertaker tries the Last Ride but a shove gives us a ref bump. The Derailer of course gets a delayed two and the referee gets bumped again. That is way, WAY too popular of a booking trope these days. A-Train hits the bicycle kick to take Undertaker down but gets a chair kicked into his face for two. The chokeslam gives Undertaker the pin.

Rating: D. Matches against power guys like this can be Undertaker’s bread and butter but there’s only so much you can do to make A-Train interesting. The match wasn’t terrible and they kept it slow enough, but this Undertaker stands up for Stephanie thing is about as forced as you can get. There’s only so much you can do as a surrogate for Vince vs. Stephanie, especially when the best villain available for the spot is A-Train.

Post match Undertaker loads up the Last Ride but Sable comes in and rubs his chest. Undertaker grabs her by the throat and STEPHANIE IS BACK!!! WE CAN LIVE HAPPY LIVES AGAIN!!! Stephanie gets to do some catfighting until A-Train pulls Sable out. I guess this is what passes for a big moment around here.

Some fans in the front row think Goldberg is going to win the Chamber. Uh, thanks for that.

We recap Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff, which starts off looking a lot like Shane vs. Kane. Bischoff then decided that he hated Shane for stealing WCW from him back in 2001. You know, because that’s a story people were thinking about. Eric went after Shane, including having Kane attack him and cost him a match against Eric.

Then Eric went to Connecticut and may have forced himself on Linda McMahon. It came out of almost nowhere and really was more of a complicated way to get to Kane vs. Shane. It’s more of WWE thinking you could just toss a McMahon into a story and everything would be fine, which doesn’t work as well when you do it in two straight matches.

Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff

Before the match, Bischoff addresses what happened with Linda, saying it happened again and again and again. Now he knows where Shane gets all of his energy, so here’s Shane in a….complete non hurry actually. Shane pounds him down in the corner with reckless abandon (Or is it still Ruthless Aggression?), followed by some forearms to the ear (called crossfaces by JR).

Eric can’t make it up the aisle as Christian might be coming off like a good idea right about now. A baseball slide sends Eric into the barricade as this has been one sided so far. Shane’s dancing punches take Bischoff down again but the Coach of all people comes in to chair Shane down. Let me make sure I’ve got this straight: Bischoff thought COACH was a better option than the Intercontinental Champion? I get that they want to protect Christian from having to get beaten up by Shane but that makes no sense from Bischoff’s perspective.

Eric says he’s restarting the match as falls count anywhere with no disqualifications so Coach sends Shane into the steps for two. They head inside where Bischoff tells the production staff to cut JR and King’s microphones so Coach can do live commentary in the ring. Bischoff throws kicks as Coach does the traditional job of mocking JR. Shane finally gets in a kick of his own and scores with a DDT, only to have Coach hit him low.

That’s enough to make the glass shatter, as everyone knew was coming. Coach does the “I’m not touching you” thing until Shane shoves him into Austin, meaning the beatdown can be on. The dispatching doesn’t take long and Austin orders JR and King’s mics be turned on again. Austin is about to leave but Shane grabs Bischoff’s hand and slaps Austin in the jaw, meaning a Stunner is perfectly acceptable. Shane pulls him up at two though, as the big elbow drives Bischoff through the announcers’ table for the pin.

Rating: F. What did this accomplish? There’s no reason this couldn’t have been the end of Monday Night Raw as the big deal was Coach turning heel. Use this valuable pay per view time (some of the biggest pay per view time of the year) on the people who matter, not for the sake of making Kane look good because he never gets to do that otherwise. This was really annoying, especially when you consider everything that was left off the show so this could get a lot of time.

Beer is consumed post match because this hasn’t eaten up enough time yet.

HHH and Ric Flair get very serious with Randy Orton, telling him that he needs to focus on keeping the title on HHH and nothing more. Orton: “What? I got it.”

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit vs. Tajiri vs. Rhyno

Eddie is defending under tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Tony Chimmel tells us that this is the four way for the US Title before telling us that this is the four way for the US Title. It’s a brawl to start with Eddie staying on the floor, which might not be the smartest move in the world here. With Tajiri sent outside, Benoit snaps the Crossface onto Rhyno, drawing Eddie in for the save. Rhyno clotheslines Tajiri for two and Eddie is there for the save again. Eddie gets triple teamed but Rhyno shifts over to Benoit for some reason.

A powerslam gives Rhyno two on Eddie as it’s still all over the place, albeit not at the fastest pace. Rhyno and Benoit are sent outside, leaving Tajiri to monkey flip Eddie for two. All four are back in with Rhyno superplexing Eddie for two with Tajiri making the save. Tajiri gets the same by kicking Benoit in the head but the champ saves this time. A headscissors puts Rhyno on the floor and Eddie’s rope walk hurricanrana gets two on Benoit.

Tajiri comes back in and gets caught in the Lasso From El Paso but Benoit quickly follows with a Crossface on Rhyno. Eddie isn’t sure what to do but Tajiri making the ropes makes his decision much easier. That earns Eddie a Crossface of his own until Rhyno and Tajiri break it up. Rhyno busts up Tajiri’s spine for two and it’s Benoit rolling some German suplexes to make Tajiri feel even worse.

Tajiri manages to get in one of his own though and bridges back for a close two, leaving everyone down at once. Back up and Tajiri gets Benoit in the Tarantula, leaving Rhyno to Gore Eddie. The problem is Eddie had the US Title in his hands to bust up Rhyno’s shoulder, leaving him down in pain. Benoit’s Swan Dive gets two as Tajiri dives in for a save, only to have both of them fall outside. Eddie sneaks in with a frog splash to pin Rhyno and retain the title.

Rating: B-. This was a good match that was trying hard to be great. There were a few too many dead spots in there though and they never hit a higher gear that they were capable of, but at least they did well with what they did. Eddie stealing the pin after cheating with the belt makes perfect sense for him and it’s the right idea to keep the title on him with the roll he’s currently on.

We look at Brock Lesnar destroying Zach Gowen, who will be out for a good while as a result.

Earlier tonight on Heat, Matt Hardy accepted a forfeit win over Gowen.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle. Brock beat Angle for the title at Wrestlemania and Angle went on the shelf. While he was out, Angle and Lesnar became friends, which lead them to Vengeance where Angle won the title back in a triple threat. A few weeks later, Lesnar turned on Angle to join forces with Vince in the name of being the REAL Brock Lesnar. Brock attacked Angle in a cage and left him laying, which has only ticked Angle off coming in to the title match.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock is challenging and we actually get an old school rules explanation from the referee. They hit the mat to start with Angle getting the better of it (not exactly shocking) and frustrating Lesnar early on. Another takedown looks to set up the ankle lock but Kurt goes to a headlock that Brock can break far more easily. Odd thinking there. Back up and Brock shoves him away without too much effort so Angle armdrags Lesnar outside, frustrating Brock all over again.

Kurt follows him outside and starts in on Brock’s knee before sending him into the barricade. Back in and the first suplex gets two on Brock, who responds by gorilla pressing him out to the floor in a big crash (great visual with Angle just falling to the floor). Now it’s Brock’s turn for a suplex as he’s starting to look all surly. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two on Kurt and we hit the rear naked choke before that meant much to a lot of fans. It’s off to a regular bodyscissors instead, followed by a chinlock.

Of course Angle fights up (after Brock let go of two better holds), this time being cut down by a hard knee to the ribs. A hard clothesline drops Angle again and the move that would become known as Shell Shock (complete with walking around the ring) gives Brock two. Some shoulders in the corner stay on Angle’s ribs so Kurt hits him in the face. You don’t do that to Lesnar though and Angle gets more shoulders to his ribs for his efforts.

Brock’s big running charge goes into the post though and Kurt’s running shoulder block staggers Lesnar. A dropkick to the knee has Brock in more trouble and it’s time to roll the German suplexes (with Lesnar holding the shoulder off each one). The Angle Slam doesn’t work and Brock goes back to the ribs with a spinebuster. Since one finisher is countered, the other has to be as well so Kurt reverses the F5 into a good looking DDT for two of his own. Now the Angle Slam is good for two and Angle is even more fired up.

In my favorite Angle spot, he puts the straps back up so he can take them down all over again. The ankle lock goes on but Brock rolls forward, sending Angle into the referee. Kurt charges at him for what looks like a sunset flip but stops halfway, wrapping his legs around Brock’s neck and arm (almost in an upside down triangle choke). Since that’s not the easiest hold to maintain, Angle switches over to the ankle lock for the tap but there’s no referee.

Cue Vince to chair Angle in the back, setting up the F5 for a delayed two. Another F5 is reversed into the ankle lock to put Brock in real trouble. He grabs all four bottom ropes but the hold isn’t broken for absolutely no apparent reasons, meaning Brock has to tap to retain Angle’s title.

Rating: B+. It’s not quite their Wrestlemania match but Angle getting his win back makes sense….in theory. They’ve been building Lesnar up as the unstoppable monster for the last few weeks so it would have made sense to have him win here (with Vince’s help) before losing the rematch down the line. That being said, I’m fine with Angle retaining here as it makes sense from the long term. In other words, this one depends on how you look at it, but it’s a rather strong match either way.

Vince gets an Angle Slam through a chair to wish him a happy birthday.

We recap Kane vs. Rob Van Dam. Kane lost his mask and despite Van Dam trying to calm him down and say that he didn’t need the mask, Kane went crazy and started destroying everything in his path. This included beating up Van Dam, Shane McMahon and Linda McMahon and setting Jim Ross on fire. This seems to be setting up Kane vs. Shane, but first Van Dam gets his shot tonight.

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

No Holds Barred, which is added right before the match. JR refers to Kane as the “byproduct of an inbred mongrel dog”. As I so often wonder of both JR and Jim Cornette: WHERE DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS STUFF??? Van Dam tries to start fast but gets clotheslined down in short order. They head outside with Kane sending him into the barricade but charging into a boot, allowing Rob to follow up with another kick to the face.

Van Dam gets posted though and it’s time for a ladder. Rob is smart enough to kick it into his face, followed by a top rope kick to the chest. A crossbody puts them both on the floor and of course Kane takes over again. The announcers talk about what Kane did to Linda, which is both a good and bad idea. It’s good in that it shows you what Kane is capable of and how evil he is, but it also shows you how unimportant this match is because it’s all about Shane vs. Kane down the line.

Back in and another kick to Kane’s face knocks him into the corner (there’s certainly a pattern here) as JR deems Kane smelly. Kane shoves Rob off the top and down onto the barricade as the violence starts to go the monster’s way again. The ladder to the face drops Rob again and it’s time for some simple choking. Thankfully the referee doesn’t break it up because that comes off as barring a hold, which might get a lawyer involved with his life.

Rob gets kicked outside again and this time Kane follows by going to the top, only to dive into the barricade by mistake (that looked bad on replay as Kane seemed to slip, leaving him without enough distance and sending him head first into the barricade). Now it’s Rob getting in a ladder shot, which Kane of course shrugs off.

A DDT on the floor knocks Rob silly but he’s able to drop toehold Kane into the steps. The spinning kick from the apron drops Kane again, followed by Rolling Thunder onto the chair. Kane sits up so Rob dropkicks the chair into his face for good measure. The Van Terminator misses though and a Tombstone onto the steps is enough to end Rob.

Rating: B. Nice brawl here but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it didn’t mean anything given the story they’ve already told us is coming. Rob was trying here though and made the match fun, especially with the story of the wrestling going to Van Dam and the hardcore stuff going to Kane, but we’re heading for Kane vs. Shane and everyone knows it.

Bischoff is banged up and doesn’t want to talk about his loss but Linda McMahon comes in. Eric starts stammering and gets slapped in the face as the billionaire gets revenge. I can totally relate.

Flair gives HHH a final pep talk.

The Chamber is lowered.

Long recap on the main event, which also features a look at the Chamber. HHH was scheduled to defend against Goldberg one on one but a torn groin necessitated a multi-person match because Heaven forbid HHH take a spear and Jackhammer and lose in a short match with the excuse that he wasn’t ready or was wrestling hurt or any other idea they had. Somehow we get Kevin Nash in another main event though, because that’s what the world was waiting for. There have been some personal issues added after the match announcement but it still feels a little thrown together.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Goldberg vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Nash

The intervals are three minutes this year because we need to move this along. Goldberg slips during his entrance, which is edited out of the Network version (though he goes from standing in the middle of the stage to a few steps to the right off a camera cut). Shawn and Jericho start us off as the fans chant for Goldberg. They hit the mat to start for the Flair pinfall reversal sequence before trading slaps.

Shawn backdrops him but has to switch to a small package to escape the Walls attempt. Jericho can’t hit the Lionsault so instead we’ll listen to JR mess up history by saying this title has only changed hands once before in Arizona. That’s some nice sounding trivia, but remember that this title isn’t even a year old yet and has its own lineage. Sure that doesn’t mean much, but this is the way WWE has set things up and they can’t keep it straight. Anyway, Orton is in third with a high crossbody for two on Shawn, followed by the signature backbreaker gets the same on Jericho.

The RKO is broken up though and Jericho backdrops Orton onto the steel. Now the Walls work just fine on Shawn but it’s Kevin Nash in fourth. That’s enough for Jericho to break it up and go after Nash, who isn’t happy with his new haircut. I find it rather spiffy, even as Nash throws Jericho into the Chamber wall. Nash’s side slam gets two on Orton and Jericho is busted open. Nash goes over for a Jackknife, only to get superkicked down, allowing Jericho to roll him up for the pin, meaning Nash was in there for all of two minutes.

HHH is in fifth….and Shawn superkicks him right back into the pod. Nash isn’t done yet though and Jackknifes Jericho and Orton as a parting gift. Shawn, who is down off throwing a superkick, covers both villains for two each. Everyone punches it out until Goldberg is in to complete the field. Right hands and forearms abound and it’s the spear to get rid of Orton in short order. Jericho gets launched onto the cage floor again and another spear sends him through the Plexiglas.

As Goldberg gets back in, Shawn scores with a forearm followed by the top rope elbow. Sweet Chin Music misses though and it’s a spear and Jackhammer to get us down to three. The same thing gets rid of Jericho and it’s HHH (who still hasn’t gotten out of the pod) vs. Goldberg for the title.

Flair shuts the pod again and holds it shut as well as he can, only to have Goldberg break the “unbreakable Plexiglas”. Some right hands keep HHH in trouble and Goldberg sends him into the Chamber walls a few times. A clothesline takes him down again and HHH is busted open. Goldberg loads up the spear but Flair slips HHH the sledgehammer to knock Goldberg cold and the title is retained.

Rating: D. This wasn’t even twenty minutes long. The best way to describe this match would be a middle finger to the fans who are nearly dying to see HHH lose that freaking title already but we need to make sure he’s ready to give Goldberg the rub or something. I’m not sure how WWE can validate keeping the title on HHH when they have Goldberg right there and HHH can barely move, but I’m sure it’s just the right thing to do, at least according to HHH. That’s 2003 in a nutshell: cheer for whomever you want, but you get HHH.

The rest of the match was of course nothing because Goldberg was the only person who could conceivably win the thing. Instead of something competitive and compelling, it was fifteen minutes of waiting around on Goldberg, then Goldberg crushing people for a few minutes, and then HAHA IT’S THE SLEDGEHAMMER AGAIN! The ending was so deflating that there’s not

Evolution beats Goldberg down and handcuffs him to the Chamber because WWE needs to demonstrate how to book Goldberg.

Overall Rating: D. The show isn’t even that bad, but rather almost completely flat. There are a few good matches with Brock vs. Angle being a highlight but that just made me want to watch the Wrestlemania match again. The TV coming into this show has been really dull due to a lot of McMahons and while they were used more sparingly here, you could still feel them throughout the whole show. That main event really took the life out of the whole thing though and there was nothing else that was going to fix things. Not a good show, but it could have been worse.

Ratings Comparison

La Resistance vs. Dudley Boys

Original: C

2013 Redo: D+

2018 Redo: C-

A-Train vs. Undertaker

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2018 Redo: D

Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McMahon

Original: D

2013 Redo: N/A

2018 Redo: F

Rhyno vs. Tajiri vs. Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero

Original: B-

2013 Redo: B+

2018 Redo: B-

Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: A-

2013 Redo: B

2018 Redo: B+

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2018 Redo: B

HHH vs. Goldberg vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Nash vs. Randy Orton

Original: D

2013 Redo: C-

2018 Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2018 Redo: D

That’s one of the hardest swings I’ve ever had on a show but you can see a little consistency in there somewhere.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/06/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2003-brock-vs-angle-ii/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/08/08/summerslam-count-up-2003-meet-the-old-hhh-same-as-the-new-hhh/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/05/31/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-in-your-house/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6