Monday Night Raw
Date: May 17, 2021
Location: Yuengling Center, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Adnan Virk, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton

We’re done with Wrestlemania Backlash, where the Raw side featured Wrestlemania rematches with Braun Strowman and Charlotte thrown in, plus Miz and John Morrison being devoured by zombies. I’m going to assume things will pick up from here, but we are now about a month away from Hell in a Cell, meaning it could be rematches a go-go. Let’s get to it.

Here is Wrestlemania Backlash if you need a recap.

A group of women escort Bobby Lashley into the arena, where MVP handles the introduction. After a look back at last night’s triple threat match, MVP talks about Braun Strowman having broken ribs and Drew McIntyre not being able to get out of bed. On top of that, Lashley did all of that with a bad hand. Lashley has insisted on working tonight so the open challenge (erg) is on. Cue Drew McIntyre to say he accepts but MVP says McIntyre cut him off: the challenge was to anyone OTHER than McIntyre and Strowman. McIntyre knocks Lashley out to the floor, where MVP has to hold him back.

AJ Styles vs. Elias

Omos and Jaxson Ryker are here too. AJ snaps off the dropkick to start but walks into a suplex to send him into the corner. That means some shoulders to the ribs and forearms to the face to put AJ down, setting up a baseball slide to send AJ into the post. AJ clotheslines him outside though and we take a break.

Back with Elias hitting a backdrop and a spinning spinebuster for two, setting up the chinlock. Elias stops to pose but then grabs the chinlock again, with AJ fighting up to hit the Pele. The fireman’s carry backbreaker gets two but Elias’ jumping knee to the face gets the same. AJ gets in a few shots and gets sent to the apron, where he hits Elias in the head. The Phenomenal Forearm is loaded up but Ryker pulls him down for the DQ at 10:46.

Rating: C. Perfectly watchable match here, with Styles being able to get decent out of anyone. AJ and Omos seemed to be faces here, which would not be the worst idea. Then again, it was a match involving Elias and Ryker so being the more popular ones is not exactly a heck of a trick.

Post match Omos stalks Ryker to the back as Elias gets to pose.

Johnny Gargano is ready to defend the North American Title against Bronson Reed inside a cage tomorrow on NXT.

We look back at Randy Orton getting the pin in a tag match last week and the laying out New Day with RKO’s after the match.

New Day got Riddle’s message (via pigeon mail) about how there is a snake to see them (and no, it wasn’t a hallucination). They run into Randy Orton, who was told to come here to see Adam Pearce. It seems that we have a Riddle ruse, because he wants them to be a foursome. Orton isn’t going to apologize though, which Kofi dubs as “a reptile dysfunction.” Orton vs. Kofi is set for tonight. Riddle tries to calm Orton down but gets shushed again. These two are solid silver together.

It’s time for Alexa’s Playground, which is now a talk show. The guests are Tamina and Natalya, with the latter talking about how special it was to win the titles. Tamina wants to leave but Bliss has a question: what is their favorite color? Pink for Natalya and black and blue for Tamina, which would look good on Bliss if she tries anything. They have a rematch with Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler tonight, but Bliss would rather talk about Lily collecting the wings of dead insects. The champs leave.

Angel Garza vs. Drew Gulak

Rematch from two weeks ago when Garza won and then violated Gulak with a rose. Garza TAKES OFF HIS PANTS to start but gets pulled into a quick abdominal stretch. That’s broken up so Garza hits a reverse slingshot suplex, with Gulak landing on his feet. That earns him a basement dropkick as Gulak is rocked early. A delayed butterfly backbreaker sets up the Wing Clipper to finish Gulak at 2:10.

Post match Garza puts the rose in Gulak’s mouth.

R-Truth (hey he’s still here) is trying to hide because he has an Open Challenge tonight. Actually it’s Bobby Lashley, which Truth thinks means Ricky Bobby. He’s a lot happier that it isn’t him, but Akira Tozawa runs in to roll him up for the title. Truth: “THE TURNTABLES HAVE TURNED!”

Eva Marie is a supermodel who wants to be a super role model. The Evalution is coming.

Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton

Xavier Woods and Riddle are here too. Orton’s headlock doesn’t last long as Kingston knocks him to the floor. Back in and we hit the armbar to keep Orton in trouble, as Woods talks about how the legend is beating the Legend Killer. Kingston hits whatever he calls the middle of the ropes Vader Bomb for two and goes back to the arm. Orton is back with some choking on the ropes and we hit the chinlock in a hurry. Kofi fights up with a chop but walks into the powerslam to put him down again. Woods is right there with the trombone solo to distract Orton though and Kofi grabs the rollup for the pin at 5:07.

Rating: C-. These two are always worth a look, even if that look ends with another lame distraction finish. I’m curious about where this feud is going though, as they are actually making Orton and Riddle into a team (for the moment at least) rather than people doing something to set up a feud. That’s interesting, and hopefully it continues to be so.

Post match the staredown is on with Riddle shoving Woods down.

Naomi and Lana and Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke aren’t happy with Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler getting an automatic rematch. Charlotte comes in and says she needs to talk to Sonya Deville alone, so there goes everyone else. She wants her title match but is told she has to beat Asuka tonight. Cue Rhea Ripley, to say she would love some new competition. Staring ensues.

Women’s Tag Team Titles: Tamina/Natalya vs. Shayna Baszler/Nia Jax

Baszler and Jax, with Reginald, are challenging. Jax runs Natalya over to start and it’s off to Shayna to work on the arm. That’s broken up and the hot tag brings in Tamina to clean house. Baszler grabs the Kirifuda Clutch….but here are Alexa Bliss and Lily for the evil laugh. Then fire shoots out of a post to burn Reginald (who was three feet away). The distraction sets up the Hart Attack to finish Baszler at 3:04.

Rating: D+. This was just an excuse to get Alexa and Lily out there, meaning there wasn’t much to see. I can go with the rematch being burned off if they just had to do one, so it isn’t like there is much to complain about. The match didn’t have time to do anything when so much of the match was spent on Bliss and a demonic doll with fire powers.

Sheamus vs. Ricochet

Rematch from last night’s Kickoff Show. Before the match, Sheamus complains about Ricochet stealing his hat and coat after losing last night. In the back, Ricochet puts on said hat and coat and mocks Sheamus’ accent before coming to the ring. Sheamus knees him in the ribs in a hurry and sends Ricochet into the corner. The armbar goes on as commentary argues about Ricochet being a thief. They head outside with Sheamus sending him into the timekeeper’s area as we take a break.

Back with Ricochet fighting out of a chinlock but getting caught in a Dublin Smile. The Irish Curse gives Sheamus two but Ricochet catches him on top. A super Spanish Fly connects (with Sheamus coming up grabbing his knee) for two and Sheamus can barely stand. The springboard clothesline in to the running shooting star gives Ricochet two more but his Lionsault hits knees.

The Brogue Kick misses and Sheamus gets caught in the ropes, setting up a jumping neckbreaker. Ricochet goes up top so Sheamus rolls outside, meaning it’s a high crossbody to drop him again. Back in and a springboard 450 gives Ricochet two more but Sheamus knees him out of the air….for two. Dang that was a good false finish. The Brogue Kick finishes for Sheamus about ten seconds later at 13:26, making me wonder if that knee was supposed to be the finish.

Rating: C+. I was buying some of those near falls, even if it’s disappointing to have Ricochet lose again. If nothing else though, it’s great to see him getting on television for a change, because that has not been the case nearly often enough. At the very least, it is nice to see some fresh faces on the show, which certainly have been missing as of late.

Post match Sheamus says his other shoulder feels empty, so he might be coming for Lashley’s title tonight.

Mace and T-Bar do their best Ascension impression, saying one of them is coming for Lashley’s Title tonight.

Charlotte vs. Asuka

Asuka starts fast with the hip attack against the ropes but Charlotte elbows her down. A legsweep sends Charlotte to the apron for another hip attack. Charlotte gets in her own legsweep….and here is Rhea Ripley as we take a break. Back (with Ripley watching at ringside) with Asuka fighting out of a chinlock but getting chopped back down.

A pinfall reversal sequence goes nowhere as Charlotte takes her down into a figure four necklock. Asuka tries to fight back but gets kicked in the face for two instead. Natural Selection and the Asuka Lock are blocked so Charlotte elbows her in the face for two. A super Spanish Fly misses and Asuka hits a missile dropkick for her own two.

Asuka pulls her into a kneebar and then a triangle choke, with Charlotte reversing into a Boston crab. That’s broken up and Asuka pulls her into the Asuka Lock. Charlotte makes it to the rope for the break and they head outside, with Charlotte getting distracted by Ripley. Back in and Asuka rolls her up for two, allowing Charlotte to go for the Figure Four, which is countered into a small package to give Asuka the pin at 16:40.

Rating: B. That is probably Charlotte’s best match since the return as they were working out there. It’s nice to see Asuka getting a win, though it felt more like Charlotte lost than Asuka beating her. This is going to set up Charlotte vs. Ripley for the title somehow, as that is the match they have been wanting to do since last year’s Wrestlemania, hopefully with Ripley getting her win back. For now though, very good TV match.

John Morrison is mostly fine after last night’s zombie attack, even though they haven’t been to a dentist in months. Miz may never be the same though, and tonight’s match is dedicated to him.

Damian Priest vs. John Morrison

Lumberjack match, including Nikki Cross making her return at ringside. Priest strikes away to start and Morrison realizes he can’t escape. After some stomping in the corner, Morrison finally escapes to the floor where he sends Akira Tozawa inside. A flip off the apron doesn’t get Morrison very far and we take a break.

Back with Morrison stomping away and hitting a running knee to the face for two. The chinlock doesn’t last long as Priest fights up and hits a Dominator into a DDT. The lumberjacks get in the fight on the floor, including Cedric Alexander diving onto Shelton Benjamin. Priest superplexes Morrison onto the pile for the big crash (with Morrison landing hard), followed by a super hurricanrana back inside. Hit the Lights finishes Morrison at 12:06.

Rating: C. Now let it be done for good between Priest and Miz/Morrison. This has been going on for about four months now and it is way past the point where it should be finished. Priest wins again and there is nothing left for them to do against each other. The lumberjack stipulation felt like a way to make up for last night and the lack of zombies helped a lot.

Post match Priest says he might accept Bobby Lashley’s open challenge.

Eva Marie wants to be a hero people can look up to.

Shelton Benjamin doesn’t want to talk about Cedric Alexander, so here is Cedric Alexander. Cedric talks about how Shelton is worthless….and gets dropped with a right hand.

We look back at the opening segment.

Raw World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. ???

Lashley is defending against…..Kofi Kingston? Never mind actually, as MVP says he never said this should be a title match.

Bobby Lashley vs. Kofi Kingston

Non-title and Kofi jumps him at the bell, earning himself a spinebuster for two. Some knees to the head get Kofi out of a delayed suplex attempt, followed by three straight one footed dropkicks to the floor. There’s the big dive over the top to drop Lashley and we take a break. We come back with…..a clip from earlier tonight, with Drew McIntyre answering the open challenge. Now that they have covered that it was not going to be a title match, we get back to the ring where Lashley knocks him into the corner and choked on the rope. Now the delayed vertical suplex connects for two and we hit the waistlock.

Kofi fights up and hits a DDT for two, setting up the Boom Drop. Lashley pops back up for a Downward Spiral but Woods offers a trombone concert. That’s enough of a distraction for Kingston to hit a top rope DDT across the top, sending Lashley head first into the apron. Back in and the SOS is countered into the spinning Dominator. Lashley takes him outside for a posting so Woods yells a lot, earning himself an ejection. The distraction lets MVP load up the cane but here is Drew McIntyre to take it away and hit Lashley. Kingston grabs the rollup pin at 10:50.

Rating: C. I can always go for Kingston fighting his way through a match, even if the ending is likely to set up McIntyre vs. Lashley again rather than Kingston vs. Lashley II. TO be fair, that isn’t much of a pay per view match, but it is something fresh after months of Lashley vs. McIntyre. We’ll probably get a Kofi title match on Raw, but I can’t picture it going much further than that. Kofi getting the shot was certainly surprising and there were worse options, though it wasn’t exactly exciting.

Overall Rating: C-. This was not a great or even very good show, as it still had a bunch of the nonsense that has dragged Raw down for weeks (if not longer). The Lily stuff is annoying and the World Title picture continues to feel repetitive and Priest vs. Miz/Morrison somehow continued, but this was a HUGE upgrade over recent weeks. This was a case where the show was better just because it didn’t have nearly as much bad, and for Raw that is an improvement. They have a long way to go, but this was a watchable enough show and didn’t have anything too terrible (or at least nothing terrible and long). I’ll take that these days.

Results

AJ Styles b. Elias via DQ when Jaxson Ryker interfered

Angel Garza b. Drew Gulak – Wing Clipper
Kofi Kingston b. Randy Orton – Rollup

Tamina/Natalya b. Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler – Hart Attack to Baszler

Sheamus b. Ricochet – Brogue Kick

Asuka b. Charlotte – Small package

Damian Priest b. John Morrison – Hit The Lights

Kofi Kingston b. Bobby Lashley – Rollup

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 19, 2021
Location: Yuengling Center, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Adnan Virk, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton

Things should be a bit more back to normal this week as Wrestlemania season is over. That is probably a good thing after last week’s show was not exactly worth bragging about. This time around we have Asuka vs. Charlotte in a match that has been done quite a few times before so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Here is Drew McIntyre to get things going. We get a recap of him winning a triple threat match last week to become #1 contender to WWE Champion Bobby Lashley. After the win, he was attacked by Mace and T-Bar, with MVP looking on in approval. With the recap of last week out of the way, McIntyre recaps last week. McIntyre gets to Mace and T-Bar, but he doesn’t believe that they are the masterminds here. That would be MVP, which has McIntyre wondering if Mace and T-Bar are going to start wearing those nice suits.

Cue MVP, who implies he didn’t know anything about it, causing Drew to mock him for suggesting he didn’t know anything about it. MVP says Lashley is expecting McIntyre to be a worthy challenger at Wrestlemania Backlash. As for Mace and T-Bar, Lashley recently decided to downsize the Hurt Business, so why would he need those two after he already beat McIntyre at Wrestlemania? Mace and T-Bar have ZERO affiliation with the Hurt Business. McIntyre doesn’t seem to buy it but here are Mace and T-Bar to jump him again. The double sitout chokeslam drops McIntyre and the two walk past MVP, who doesn’t really respond.

In the back, Mace and T-Bar talk about….snakes and saber tooth tigers? Sabre tooth tigers are extinct, just like McIntyre will be when they are done with him.

Post break, McIntyre demands Adam Pearce give him Mace and T-Bar tonight. Pearce says get a partner but Drew is going to fight no matter what.

Viking Raiders vs. Cedric Alexander/Shelton Benjamin

Benjamin drives Erik into the corner to start and then wrestles him down to the mat without much effort. Alexander comes in for a running dropkick for no count as Erik powers him off in a hurry. Erik gets taken into the corner again and Shelton drops him with a clothesline. One heck of a shot to the face drops Alexander and it’s Ivar coming in to miss the seated crossbody.

Ivar gets taken into the corner and tosses his way right back out. A quick roll over to the corner allows the tag back to Erik, who is taken down with a snappy tornado DDT from Alexander. Everything breaks down, after a Cannonball against the barricade to Benjamin, the Viking Experience (or Viking Express according to Virk, again) hits Alexander for the pin at 5:16.

Rating: C-. The less than dominant performance from the Raiders made sense here as they have only had one match in about seven months. They shouldn’t be able to run over a team who were recently the Tag Team Champions….even though they did last week. So in other words, they did the last two weeks backwards and it already seems like they are running low on teams for the Raiders to beat up.

Randy Orton talks about how the Fiend is gone for good….and here’s Riddle on his scooter. He talks about how neither of them have a title any longer so they can team up and have matching scooters. Orton walks away, as everyone tends to do with Riddle, who is rapidly losing his charm in these segments.

Post break, Orton asks Adam Pearce if he can face Riddle tonight. Pearce will see what he can do. Given how little of Raw tends to be planned out, I don’t think it should take long to get to a decision.

We recap Charlotte returning last week, promising to be totally and completely different this time, then interrupting Rhea Ripley defending the Women’s Title against Asuka last week.

Here is Charlotte for a chat. She is tired of the lack of respect from the women’s locker room. Wrestlemania was taken away from her and that just wasn’t fair. She can beat Asuka and Rhea Ripley on the same night, so tonight Asuka is getting taken out as Ripley sees what Charlotte can do.

Cue Asuka and Ripley, with the latter being willing to take Charlotte up on her offer, even though Asuka is beating her tonight. Asuka goes to say something but Charlotte cuts her off and condescendingly reminds her of the Wrestlemania match. Asuka promises to beat her tonight, “b****”. I would pay a good bit of money to come up with any new way to present Charlotte other than the “I’m better than all of you” heel.

Riddle scooters past Randy Orton on the way to the ring.

Randy Orton vs. Riddle

Orton grabs a headlock takeover to start but Riddle flips over into a choke on Orton’s back. What looks like a tap is written off as a slap at Riddle’s head and Riddle keeps the choke on. Orton finally drops back for the break but Riddle pops back up to slap it on again. They roll out to the apron and this time Orton sweeps the leg out to send him crashing outside.

We take a break and come back with Orton hitting the circle stomp. The snap powerslam gives Orton two and a belly to back suplex drops Riddle again. Orton seems to be favoring his shoulder and Riddle strikes away, only to get poked in the eye. Riddle comes back with chops out of the corner so Orton whips him hard into another corner to take him down. The chinlock goes on, with Orton shouting at Riddle in the process. Riddle fights up and avoids a charge to send Orton shoulder first into the post.

The fired up Riddle kicks him down and there’s the Broton for two. Orton catches him on top and that means the superplex (and a nice one at that). Back up and Riddle gets sent to the apron but catches Orton in a triangle choke. That doesn’t last long due to Riddle hanging upside down, allowing Orton hitting the hanging DDT. The RKO is loaded up but Riddle reverses into a crucifix for the pin at 13:33.

Rating: B-. It’s nice to see Riddle getting his momentum back and it isn’t like Orton losing is going to mean a single thing to him. Riddle can do some very good things in the ring and he was getting to showcase that here. Just keep him away from so many of the backstage appearances and we could be seeing something pretty awesome from him.

Sheamus comes in to see Adam Pearce, who talks about the history of the US Title. We hear about John Cena’s US Open Challenge and it seems that we will be seeing it again tonight.

Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler vs. Lana/Naomi

Non-title. Naomi staggers Nia to start and brings Lana in for a headscissors into a failed Russian legsweep attempt. Lana takes Nia down with a chop block and kicks her in the head for a bonus. It’s off to Baszler to pull Lana to the mat without much effort and there’s the stomp to the arm. Cue Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke to show us a clip of Nia and Shayna laughing at Mandy slipping at Wrestlemania (now off the WWE Network, because reasons), as the match just completely stops for this flashback.

Now we look at Mandy and Brooke attacking Jax, followed by the match later in the night with Jax slipping off the apron. Mandy and Dana ran off to lose the match, but it was funny you see. We come back to the match (yeah that thing that was going on) where Shayna is armbarring Lana. Nia storms to the back and a double X Factor finishes Baszler at 4:17.

Rating: F. Not only did the finish look bad because Lana can’t manage to jump into the air properly, but about half of this match was spent in a flashback to an angle built around someone falling on the ramp in a stadium that had just been soaked by a bad rainstorm. How this is the best thing they can think of at the moment is beyond me, but such is life in WWE for you these days.

Nia is STUNNED that this happened.

We look at Bad Bunny’s Wrestlemania performance.

Bad Bunny, with Damian Priest, talks about how awesome it was. It meant a lot and he was very impressed with Priest. Speaking of Priest, he was impressed by Bunny and we hear about how much respect Bunny received from everyone.

Bunny’s tour is sold out.

Here’s are Miz and Maryse for MizTV, with Miz fawning over his wife. Miz talks about Wrestlemania and last week before taking credit for Bunny’s tour being sold out. The two talk about how much they love each other and this is their big celebration. The pyro seems to shake Maryse as they kiss and it’s time for a champagne toast. Miz hypes up his WWE 24 special on Sunday but here is Damian Priest to interrupt.

We look at Miz being stripped to his underwear, which is totally different than his trunks. Maryse helped Miz cheat to win last week so Priest says a man shouldn’t be happy with that kind of a win. Priest accuses him of not having much to show in his underwear so the challenge is on. Maryse accepts, though Miz isn’t exactly pleased. That’s what Priest wanted so he has some champagne, which he calls trash.

Riddle comes up to New Day in the back and suggests some changes to their gear. The solution: SILVER DOLLAR PANCAKES! Riddle leaves and Kofi Kingston asks if Xavier Woods understood anything Riddle just said.

Here are Elias and Jaxson Ryker but the performance is interrupted again, this time by Xavier Woods on bass.

Kofi Kingston vs. Elias

Kofi starts fast with a rollup for two but gets knocked down. Elias gets distracted by Woods playing Steve Austin’s theme and Kofi hits a Thesz press (which looked to be a mistimed version of his standard double stomp) for some right hands. A delayed vertical suplex gets Elias out of trouble and it’s time to stomp away in the corner. Kofi gets in a shot to the face but gets knocked off the top again. Elias’ clothesline is countered into a rather sloppy SOS for two. This time Elias goes up but gets caught as well, only to block Kofi’s super hurricanrana. The top rope elbow finishes Kingston at 4:42.

Rating: D+. This was a rather messy match but at least it gave Elias one of the biggest wins of his career. Yes his character is pretty stale and he has been doing the same thing for years now, but at least they are giving him a little something to do. Maybe this goes a little somewhere, and right now it isn’t like they have all that many fresh ideas anyway.

It’s time for Alexa’s Playground, with Alexa Bliss explaining that Lily has been around for a very long time. We see some photos of Lily around her as a baby (WWE loves itself some doctored photos) and Bliss talks about shoving a kid at the playground so she could eat her ice cream (even if she didn’t like strawberry). When asked, she said Lily made her do it. Lily will let you know if she doesn’t like something so Bliss warns the entire roster. Lily tries to eat the camera again. Oh yeah they’re running with this.

We look back at the women’s tag team from earlier tonight, because OH YEAH THEY’RE RUNNING WITH THIS TOO!

Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke say that they are not the bullies. Yes Mandy slipped at Wrestlemania but it was Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler who kept watching it. Jax and Baszler come in to chase them off but Baszler yells at Jax for costing them the match. Baszler tells her to get better or else. Jax: “Or else what?” Angel Garza of all people comes in to have Jax’s back. So yes, they are still arguing almost eight months after winning the titles in the first place. Also, I would hope that Garza is not being swapped in for Reginald. He’s too good for that.

Drew McIntyre vs. Mace/T-Bar

No partner for McIntyre, who charges at T-Bar and hammers away to start. A kick to the face sets up a battle over a suplex with McIntyre pulling it off for two. MVP is watching in the back as Mace comes in to unload on McIntyre in the corner. Some running knees put McIntyre down and we hit the chinlock….and go to a wide shot to show off the Thunderdome for some reason (ala Vince McMahon in the mid 90s pay per views). Mace suplexes him for two but McIntyre hits T-Bar with a spinebuster for two. The Glasgow Kiss slows T-Bar down but Mace’s distraction lets the double teaming begin, which is good for a DQ at 5:57.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have time to go very far but at least Mace and T-Bar didn’t get pinned right out of the box. It isn’t a win, but they lost because they were beating McIntyre up instead of a result of the opposite. I’m still curious about where this goes, though I have next to no confidence in it going anywhere positive for them in the long term.

Immediately after the bell, here’s Braun Strowman to clear off not Retribution. Load up the tag match.

Braun Strowman/Drew McIntyre vs. T-Bar/Mace

Yeah you knew it was coming as soon as the music hit. Strowman powers out of a headlock to start and then runs Mace over with a shoulder. Drew certainly likes that and Braun forearms Mace down. T-Bar comes in and is pounded down into the corner as well. A Mace distraction lets T-Bar get in a chop block though and we hit the reverse chinlock.

T-Bar knees him in the back and grabs another chinlock but Strowman backdrops his way to freedom. The hot tag brings in McIntyre to pick up the pace, including an overhead belly to belly to Mace. There’s a jumping neckbreaker into McIntyre’s nip up….and there goes Mace’s mask. Commentary doesn’t seem to recognize him as a former member of their family, even as McIntyre hits him with the mask for the DQ at 5:24.

Rating: C-. Just a tag match here but losing the mask might get rid of a little bit of the Retribution stigma. Again, this is better than the team getting pinned, though it still isn’t exactly the best way to make them seem like big stars either. They went with another tag formula match here and that was fine, though it would be nice to see Mace and T-Bar pin someone. Like, ever.

Post match Strowman rips off T-Bar’s mask and knocks him outside as well. The start of non Retribution’s theme sounds like Neville’s NXT music.

Miz vs. Damian Priest

Miz has Maryse with him and goes outside to kiss her to start. Priest pulls Miz back in for a slam and elbows Miz down, but Maryse offers a distraction. That lets Miz hit a big boot and then a running dropkick puts Priest on the floor. Priest is whipped into various things before a neckbreaker gets two back inside.

The YES Kicks fire Priest up though and he blocks a kick with an elbow to the leg. Priest’s running elbow connects in the corner but Miz slips out of the Broken Arrow. Instead, Priest hits a springboard flip dive to take Miz down again. Maryse’s next distraction lets Miz grab a rollup (just like last week) for two, only for Priest to come back with Hit The Lights for the pin at 5:02.

Rating: C-. What matters here is Priest won, but I’m still trying to get my head around the idea of Miz pinning him last week. I’m assuming it was to promote the reality show, but if you can have Priest get the win back the next week, was there really no one else to take the fall? Priest has some major potential and I would love to see WWE realize some of it.

Asuka is warming up in the back and we go to a break in the middle of Virk’s hype for the main event.

Here is Sheamus for the Open Challenge for a US Title shot and we have a challenger.

US Title: Sheamus vs. Humberto Carrillo

Sheamus is defending….in theory at least, as he jumps Carrillo before the bell and throws him outside. Graves thinks Sheamus might be mad about the new European Super League as he whips Carrillo into the barricade and forearms him in the chest. Back in and the Brogue Kick drops Carrillo so Sheamus can say Carrillo isn’t in his league. No match.

Asuka vs. Charlotte

Rhea Ripley comes out to watch as Charlotte grabs a headlock. They fall out to the floor in a heap though and it’s off to an early break. Back with Charlotte hammering away but Asuka scores with a knee to the face. A Shining Wizard (leg kick according to Virk, as the completely understandable learning curve continues) drops Charlotte but what looked like a Codebreaker completely misses. Thankfully commentary doesn’t try to hide it as they slug it out from their knees.

Charlotte is up with a spear for two and then heads to the apron. Asuka’s kick to the ribs is blocked and Charlotte wrenches on the knee as long as she can. Back in and the Asuka Lock sends Charlotte to the ropes so she takes Asuka’s bad leg out again. The Figure Eight goes on but Ripley breaks it up, meaning the fight is on. Asuka kicks Charlotte in the arm and crucifixes her for the pin at 9:16, though Charlotte’s shoulder was a bit off the mat.

Rating: C+. I know Charlotte loses here and it seems to set up Asuka vs. Ripley II, but come on. You know Charlotte is getting in that title match because that is what Charlotte does almost every single time. It’s going to happen no matter what and it wouldn’t shock me to see her win the title again. I would certainly hope not, but it isn’t like it would be unprecedented.

Post match Charlotte yells at the referee and beats him down, even continuing as other referees come out to yell at her.

Overall Rating: D+. I went back and forth on the overall rating as this was a huge upgrade from last week but they are doubling down on so many of the repetitive/dull/stupid ideas. Riddle is still getting way too much time, Mace and T-Bar didn’t exactly look dominant, we’re still living in Charlotte’s world, and Mandy Rose slipping is one of the bigger stories on the show. You would have almost no idea that Wrestlemania was eight days ago and that shouldn’t be the feeling. The show wasn’t the worst and was a big improvement over last week, but it still wasn’t exactly good. Better, but they still need to fix a lot of problems.

Results

Viking Experience b. Cedric Alexander/Shelton Benjamin – Viking Experience to Alexander

Riddle b. Randy Orton – Crucifix

Lana/Naomi b. Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler – Double X Factor to Baszler

Elias b. Kofi Kingston – Top rope elbow

Drew McIntyre b. Mace/T-Bar via DQ when Mace and T-Bar double teamed McIntyre

Mace/T-Bar b. Drew McIntyre/Braun Strowman via DQ when McIntyre hit Mace with the mask

Damian Priest b. The Miz – Hit The Lights

Asuka b. Charlotte – Crucifix

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Wrestlemania XXXVI Night One
Date: April 4, 2020
Location: WWE Performance Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentator: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield
Host: Rob Gronkowski

Sweet goodness that does not feel right. I’m not sure what to expect tonight because WWE didn’t feel the need to tell us what was going to be taking place on either night. This show is going to have about a hundred asterisks in the history books and that’s perfectly fine, but it doesn’t make things any less disappointing (not that it’s WWE’s fault). Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Cesaro vs. Drew Gulak

Gulak takes him down by the arm to start but Cesaro powers up with a backbreaker to get out of trouble. That earns him a LeBell Lock (which Cole calls a Crossface, missing the point of the move almost entirely) to send Cesaro outside so Gulak dives on him for a bonus. Back in and Cesaro’s arm gets snapped across the top rope and a clothesline puts him on the floor again. Cesaro gets sent into the steps but he’s able to uppercut Gulak out of the air back inside for two. The Neutralizer can’t work but Cesaro uses the left arm uppercut and goes with a (no hands) spinning torture rack slam for the pin at 4:05.

Rating: C. Just a match here and it did well enough with the warmup stuff, though my goodness it’s going to be a rough couple of nights. The lack of crowd reaction is going to hurt things a lot but that was always going to be the case. They were a little more energized than usual, but Cole on his own and nothing else as far as noise is going to make for some tough going.

Stephanie McMahon welcomes us to the show to explain that we are on a closed set with no audience. Tonight, they are going to be making people happy, because this is Wrestlemania. There’s your first WWE pat on the back of the night.

Instead of an original version of America the Beautiful, we get a montage of versions of the song played at previous Wrestlemanias. That’s a good one at least.

The opening video goes into the full pirate theme but the narrator says hang on a second because this is too cliched. Instead, he walks us through everything included, such as shots of heroes and catchphrases. It turns into a regular trailer, complete with the same narrator telling us to forget everything we know coming into tonight. Fate leads the way and fate has a funny way of surprising us. We go into For Those About To Rock for a better intro. I love pirate movies so this worked well for me.

Rob Gronkowski welcomes us to the show and says he’s the right man for the job because he knows how to start a thirty hour party. Mojo Rawley comes in to take some chops and it’s time to go to the ring.

Women’s Tag Team Titles: Kabuki Warriors vs. Alexa Bliss/Nikki Cross

The Warriors are defending for the first time since mid December. Asuka laughs at Bliss to start and it’s off to Sane before anything happens. Kairi knocks Bliss down and messes with her bow so it’s a slap to the face, allowing Bliss to mess with Kairi’s hair for a change. It’s off to Cross for a running basement dropkick but Sane powers her into the corner. Asuka comes in and gets forearmed in the chest as everything breaks down.

Nikki dives off the apron to take out Sane, meaning it’s time for a hug back inside. Back in and Nikki sends Sane to the floor, only to have her dropkick through the ropes cut off. Cross gets taken into the corner but manages a sunset flip for two, setting up the tag to Bliss. That’s fine for Sane, who hits an Alberto top rope double stomp for her own two. Asuka works on an armbar but her bulldog is broken up.

Not that it matters as a kick to the face drops Bliss for two more. Bliss gets up and avoids a charge, allowing the hot tag to Cross to pick up the pace. Sane rakes her eyes but Asuka walks into the Purge. The Insane Elbow breaks up the cover though and they’re both down again. Cross goes for a rollup but gets pulled into the Asuka Lock.

That’s broken up with Twisted Bliss but Sane Intercepts Bliss to put everyone down. Cross catches Sane on top but gets caught in a powerbomb/top rope forearm combination for a rather near fall. Back up and Cross hits the Purge to drop Sane, setting up Twisted Bliss for the pin and the titles at 15:03.

Rating: C. This could have been worse but it went on a good bit too long. The title change was supposed to be a feel good moment but when the titles have never meant anything beyond their first few weeks, the impact isn’t really there. Cross was pushed as the star of the match and it was fine enough, though I have no faith in the futures of the titles.

The Artist Collective have a plan for Daniel Bryan.

Elias vs. King Corbin

Hold on though as Corbin shows us a clip of his attempted murder of Elias last week so Corbin demands a forfeit. Cue Elias to break the guitar over Corbin’s back and a good posting so we can get started. Elias elbows him down for one and a swinging neckbreaker gets the same. Corbin gets in a toss to the floor though and Elias is sent shoulder first into the post. Some elbows to the shoulder keep Elias down as Cole tries to make this story sound intense.

Corbin shouts at commentary a lot and then sends Elias shoulder first into the post again. Elias manages to reverse a whip to send Corbin’s shoulder into the post though and it’s time for a breather. Some clubberin in the corner puts Corbin down but he grabs Deep Six for two. Elias knees him in the face for two more but Corbin rolls away before the top rope elbow launches. An uppercut lets Corbin put his feet on the ropes for two so Elias grabs a rollup with tights for the pin at 8:53.

Rating: D. Raw style match here and that’s not the best thing in the world. It was fine for a revenge match as Elias was aggressive but pinning Corbin is more damaging to him than pin. That being said, Elias being launched off a ten foot high balcony is just an eight day injury now? Come on already.

We recap Becky Lynch vs. Shayna Baszler. Lynch has been Raw Women’s Champion for a year now and has beaten everyone there is to beat but Baszler won a triple threat match, also including Bayley, at Survivor Series. Baszler was unstoppable in NXT and bit Becky’s neck to draw a lot of blood. Then she ran through the Elimination Chamber to earn the title shot in the most obvious result in years. Becky has been trying to play mind games but Baszler is such a killer that she doesn’t seem too bothered.

Raw Women’s Title: Becky Lynch vs. Shayna Baszler

Becky is defending and drives her semi truck to the arena for her big entrance. Baszler wastes no time in going for the Kirifuda Clutch but Becky is outside in a hurry. Baszler follows but Becky sends her into the steps a few times and Baszler is banged up early. Back in and Becky hits her missile dropkick, setting up a beating in the corner. It’s too early for the Disarm-Her though and Becky has to get out of the Kirifuda Clutch.

A spinebuster into a double underhook spinning faceplant gets two and Becky is sent to the apron. They slug it out until a Rock Bottom onto the apron plants Baszler. A powerbomb into the cross armbreaker has Becky in trouble until she stacks Baszler up for two. That’s reversed into the Disarm-Her on Becky, followed by a knee to the face for another near fall.

Becky goes to the apron and gets in a Stunner over the ropes, setting up a quickly broken Disarm-Her over the ropes. Baszler reverses that into an even more quickly broken Kirifuda Clutch to send Becky outside. This time Baszler follows her out and swings Becky head first into the announcers’ table like she did on Raw. Back in and the standing version of the Clutch goes on but Becky flips backwards into a cradle to retain at 8:42.

Rating: B-. Uh….ok then. I have no idea why they need to keep the title on Becky at the moment as she has literally held the title for a year and is getting close to the modern record. I’m not sure what the point is in keeping it on her here as the only thing left is a submission match with Baszler or a one on one match with Rousey, which doesn’t seem likely. Good match, but pretty confusing result.

Undertaker is getting a limited series on the WWE Network. Makes sense given the upcoming 30 year mark.

Intercontinental Title: Sami Zayn vs. Daniel Bryan

Zayn is defending with Cesaro, Shinsuke Nakamura and Drew Gulak all at ringside. Sami hits the very long pause button to start and Bryan finally gives chase, allowing Cesaro to cut Bryan off. They do the same thing again but this time it’s Nakamura playing Cesaro’s role. Gulak and Cesaro get into a fight on the floor until Gulak sends Nakamura over the barricade. Gulak nearly gets in a fight with Sami for the DQ but Bryan finally chases Sami down on the ramp.

Bryan starts in on the leg as Sami loudly begs off, only to be sent outside. That means a heck of a suicide dive, followed by a running dropkick in the corner for a bonus. Some knees to the face have Sami rocked but he scores with some forearms to slow Bryan down. Bryan fights back up but Cesaro and Nakamura jump Gulak. That earns them a double suicide dive, allowing Sami to kick Bryan out of the air for the surprise pin at 9:20.

Rating: C+. Nice match here with another surprising finish. Sami is a rather good choice for the cocky champion who keeps surviving and after everything he’s done over the years, I like the idea of letting him have the title for a bit. Throw in the issue of Bryan possibly self quarantining and there was little reason to switch the title here. Well other than the idea of Bryan facing a challenger of the week in one great match after another.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Jimmy Uso vs. Kofi Kingston vs. John Morrison

Morrison is defending for his team in a ladder match. Some monkey flips don’t work to start so everyone goes to the floor to grab a ladder each. Jimmy gets knocked down first and comes up holding his leg. Morrison stomps both of them down on the mat but has to fight off the SOS onto the ladder. Trouble in Paradise misses as well and it’s Kofi vs. Jimmy slugging it out on top.

That goes nowhere so Morrison takes Kofi’s place, leaving Kofi to springboard through the ladder…and then get caught and dumped to the floor. Morrison puts a ladder over the middle rope and climbs to the top of the post for a corkscrew Swanton onto Jimmy onto the ladder. The climb takes too long though and it’s Kofi springboarding in for a hurricanrana to take Morrison down in a unique spot.

A running dive over the top takes down Morrison and the ladder and they’re all down on the floor. Back in and Morrison hits the super Spanish Fly on Kofi, followed by the Superfly Splash from Jimmy. Kofi headbutts Morrison off the top of the ladder before diving off the top with the double stomp to Morrison’s chest. Jimmy slides in another ladder and wedges it inside the standing ladder.

A HARD whip sends Kofi face first into the bridged ladder and Morrison gets superkicked out of the air. Jimmy goes up but Morrison shoves the ladder over, sending Jimmy down for the big crash (it was such a drop that he changed directions after landing). Kofi catches Morrison on top for the slugout but here’s Jimmy with another ladder to put all three up at once. They all pull the title hook down at once and it’s a triple headbutt to knock Morrison down with the titles to retain at 18:36.

Rating: B. This felt like a good ladder match that would have made it into a great one had it been in front of a crowd. What we got was good enough though and the dives and landings were rather awesome. I liked this more than almost anything else but my goodness it’s hard to watch them land like this with no one being there to watch. Good match, but sad in its way.

We recap Kevin Owens vs. Seth Rollins. Seth has turned into the Monday Night Messiah but Owens doesn’t think much of him. They both had teams built up but the AOP is sidelined due to Rezar’s injury and Samoa Joe is suspended. Therefore, it’s one on one with the idea that Owens has never had a Wrestlemania moment. That’s not quite how history works, but it’s what we’re getting.

Seth Rollins vs. Kevin Owens

Rollins is in white but the glove has been some king of Tiger King referenced. Owens slugs away to start and hits a backsplash to put Rollins on the floor in a hurry. A backdrop onto the apron has Owens in trouble and a Falcon Arrow onto the apron makes it even worse. The suicide dive is broken up with a right hand but Rollins is fine enough to hit the Sling Blade.

Owens hits a DDT to get a breather and the Swanton connects for two. The Pop Up Powerbomb misses and so does the Stunner, allowing Rollins to hit an enziguri. Owens blasts him with a clothesline though and it’s a double knockdown. Rollins is up first and hits some superkicks to set up the Stomp, only to get reversed into the Pop Up sitout Powerbomb for two. They head outside with Rollins hitting him with the bell….and that’s a DQ at 10:09.

Hold on though as Owens says Rollins isn’t much of a god if that’s the best he can do. Owens wants to continue it No DQ so Rollins is back in to knee him in the head as the bell rings. Rollins throws him to the floor and the steps bounce off of Owens’ head, followed by a chair to the back. Owens bells him in the head a few times (it rings even if you hit someone with the board underneath it) and then climbs the sign for a huge backsplash to send Rollins through the announcers’ table. They stagger back inside for the Stunner to finish Rollins at 17:26 (counting the break in the middle).

Rating: C. I wasn’t big on this match in the first place and the whole Owens has never had a Wrestlemania Moment deal is still stupid but at least they didn’t stick with the DQ. This feud has lost almost all of the steam that it had in the first place so hopefully it’s done here. Granted when you don’t have much of a TV show to lord over, you’re not going to be the best messiah in the world.

Mojo and Gronk talk about how great the show is when R-Truth comes up to complain about how hard everything is. Gronk knocks him down and Mojo gets the title back. Notice the completely fine announcers’ table in the background.

Paul Heyman scares Charly Caruso but says Drew McIntyre is the one who should be afraid. In 24 hours, McIntyre is being exposed as a fraud and he can crawl out of the ring, victimized and conquered.

We preview tomorrow’s matches.

Smackdown World Title: Braun Strowman vs. Goldberg

Goldberg is defending. Strowman can’t get the powerslam and it’s a pair of spears to drop him in the first minute. Make it three straight for two and then a fourth cuts Strowman down again. Strowman counters the Jackhammer into the powerslam and then another one and then a third and then a big running fourth for the pin and the title at 2:13. You could have gone either way but it’s better to have someone actually active instead of Goldberg. Strowman as champion is about two years overdue, but I can’t imagine this lasts very long.

Wrestlemania XXXVII is in Los Angels.

We recap AJ Styles vs. Undertaker, which is all about AJ not being impressed by the modern Undertaker. He has called out Undertaker’s real life family and Undertaker has been acting more like BikerTaker than the Deadman as they head into a Boneyard match.

Undertaker vs. AJ Styles

They are in a graveyard for this one and there goes the gong as a hearse pulls up to the gate. The casket is pulled out by some druids and it’s AJ inside for a good surprise. Undertaker rides in on the motorcycle to Metallica and AJ talks about Michelle McCool digging the grave. Undertaker goes after him so AJ grabs a rock, only to get sent into an open casket. Undertaker punches through a window and cuts his arm open but throws AJ on top of the hearse anyway.

Some right hands knock him off the hearse and Undertaker has a seat while asking if AJ wants more. After Undertaker quotes Clubber Lang (“You want some more? I got a lot more.”), AJ throws some leaves in his face and gets in a low blow. Undertaker stands up after some right hands and knocks AJ down again, this time into a grave. Cue the OC as this has turned into a western.

A bunch of light comes out of a building and the walls come down to reveal a bunch of masked men. They surround Undertaker and do the eternally brilliant thing of attacking him one at a time. With that taken care of, Anderson and Gallows jump Undertaker but he isn’t about to be hit with a shovel. Instead Undertaker takes it back and beats them down, allowing AJ to break a tombstone over his back.

AJ hammers away and calls him an old man but breaks his fingers on Undertaker’s head. They fight through a wall and both lay on the ground sound like they’re dead. AJ says Undertaker is nothing but Undertaker flips him off and says come on. A shovel over the back puts Undertaker down in a grave and AJ goes to the machine with a barrel of dirt. Then a light shows up behind him and Undertaker pops up to beat on him some more. AJ climbs up a well placed ladder to get on the roof of the barn, so Undertaker makes flames come up to keep him in place.

Anderson and Gallows are up there too, with Gallows being thrown off. Anderson gets Tombstoned onto the metal roof and Undertaker chokeslams AJ off the roof. Undertaker climbs down and asks AJ what his wife’s name is now. They’re just getting started as Undertaker carries him over to the grave. AJ apologizes so Undertaker picks him up and says AJ put up a great fight. Undertaker hugs him and says most people wouldn’t have given him that kind of a fight. Undertaker turns to leave….and then knocks AJ into the grave. Undertaker gets in the machine and pours the dirt on AJ for the win at about 18:30.

Rating: A+. I don’t know what else you could have wanted from this match. This went so far beyond anything resembling sane or rational and went into complete insanity territory, making it one of the most entertaining things I can remember WWE doing in a LONG time. Of course it’s not good but that’s the point. This was entertaining, and that’s a lot more than you are going to get out of most Undertaker matches these days. Watch this and be prepared to laugh quite a bit, because it’s like Final Deletion but with production value.

AJ’s hand sticks out of the dirt as Undertaker gets on his bike. He throws up the fist so more fire comes up on the building and the Undertaker symbol lights up to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. I’m really not sure how to grade this one but I liked some parts of it well enough. The problem really is in the atmosphere, as the show feels so weak that there isn’t much that can be praised. The people were working hard and I feel so bad for them to not get their big Wrestlemania stadium experience. What we got was fun at points, but the lack of crowd energy or big show feeling made it more of a chore to watch at times. It definitely has its moments though, and I didn’t hate it by any means. Check out the main event for sure though, probably with some friends to watch with you, and have a good time.

Results

Alexa Bliss/Nikki Cross b. Kabuki Warriors – Twisted Bliss to Sane

Elias b. King Corbin – Rollup with tights

Becky Lynch b. Shayna Baszler – Rollup

Sami Zayn b. Daniel Bryan – Helluva Kick

John Morrison b. Kofi Kingston and Jimmy Uso – Morrison pulled down the titles

Kevin Owens b. Seth Rollins – Stunner

Braun Strowman b. Goldberg – Running powerslam

Undertaker b. AJ Styles – Undertaker buried Styles

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXXV
Date: April 7, 2019
Location: MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 82,265
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips
America the Beautiful: Yolanda Adams

We’re back to this show after a year away and I’m not sure what to think about this one. I wasn’t in the stadium for this one and for once that is making me remember the show a little bit better. This whole thing is centered around a few matches, as Wrestlemania always tends to be. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Buddy Murphy vs. Tony Nese

Murphy is defending and this is during Nese’s (who won a tournament to get here) not so great face run. First good thing: there are a bunch of people in their seats already so the place doesn’t look ridiculous. Murphy misses a running knee at the bell so Nese hammers away in the corner and tells the fans that this is his Wrestlemania moment. A cartwheel off the apron lets Nese hit him in the jaw but Murphy grabs a fireman’s carry drop onto the corner (Colt Cabana’s Chicago Skyline) as we take a break.

Back with Murphy holding a chinlock but getting suplexed into the corner to cut things off. Some running elbows to the face rock Murphy and the Lionsault, with Murphy hanging in the ropes, gets two. Nese catches him on the ropes with a palm strike, only to get pulled into a Cheeky Nandos kick. A powerbomb into a spinning faceplant gives Murphy two as we get the “still filing in line” from commentary. Murphy’s Law is countered and Nese hits a reverse hurricanrana to put them both down again.

Murphy wins a strike off but Nese is right back with a sunset driver for his own near fall as the fans are finally getting into this. The running Nese doesn’t get to launch so Nese hits the Fosbury Flop instead. Back in and the 450 gets two in a surprising near fall. The jumping knee connects out of nowhere and Murphy’s Law gets two as Nese gets a foot on the rope. Ever the villain, Murphy tries his own running Nese, which is cut off by a superkick. The real running Nese finishes Murphy at 10:44.

Rating: C. The 205 Live guys had several matches that would blow this one away but at least they had a nice moment in the end with the fans getting into things. Nese as a face didn’t exactly click but beating Murphy felt like a bit deal. It’s a nice mini feel good moment to start what is going to be a long night.

Kickoff Show: Wrestlemania Women’s Battle Royal

Zelina Vega, Kairi Sane, Ember Moon, Liv Morgan, Sarah Logan, Ruby Riott, Mandy Rose, Carmella, Maria Kanellis, Asuka, Sonya Deville, Candice LeRae, Naomi, Nikki Cross, Lana, Dana Brooke, Mickie James

Only Naomi and Asuka get entrances. Nikki goes nuts to start and it’s a big brawl, as a battle royal should be. Maria is out in a hurry and Asuka knocks out Candice and Nikki back to back. Ember and Naomi trade hurricanranas until the former hits a quick springboard Eclipse on Lana. Another Eclipse gets rid of Naomi and there’s the real version to Mandy. Ember goes up again but Lana (the one in the designated Captain Marvel attire) shoves her out.

Sane hits an Alabama Slam on Lana and goes up like a schnook, only to get shoved to the apron by Logan. Even the bigger schnook, Logan doesn’t eliminate her but rather joins the rest of the Riott Squad to go after Lana. The elimination doesn’t take long but Sane drops Logan. The Insane Elbow connects, only t have the Squad get together and eliminate Sane without much trouble. An assisted flipping Stunner rocks Vega but AGAIN Logan doesn’t get the elimination.

Instead the Squad goes after Asuka and again they don’t eliminate her. Brooke gets to fight off all three of them and manages a slow motion Thesz press on Morgan. Riott goes after Brooke and gets tossed, with Morgan following her out. Brooke’s handspring elbow hits Vega’s knees though and the running knees in the corner make it worse. Rose and Deville get rid of Vega and Brooke, meaning we can get a big hug.

We’re down to Rose, Deville, Asuka, James, Logan and Carmella, the latter of whom seems to be on the floor because that’s something you have to have in battle royals these days. James hurricanranas Rose to the apron and superkicks her out, only to get dropped by Deville. Asuka beats up Logan and Deville at once but she manages to toss Deville. Logan gets rid of Asuka but, say it with me, Carmella is still in and superkicks Logan out for the win at 10:33.

Rating: D. Holy sweet goodness I can’t stand that finish and yet we seem to get it in every few battle royals (including last year’s women’s battle royal). I know Carmella getting the win is for the sake of the New York fans but egads this feels like a waste of a match, which tends to be the case with so many of these pre-show battle royals. In other words: more of the same stuff that wasn’t good in the first place.

Kickoff Show: Raw Tag Team Titles: Revival vs. Curt Hawkins/Zack Ryder

Revival is defending and picked the match because they thought it would be an easy win. See, Hawkins hasn’t won a match in two and a half years so of course he gets a Wrestlemania title shot (you have to keep the New York crowd happy you see). Dawson shoves Hawkins down to start and then pats him on the cheek in the corner. We get a recap of the Edgeheads as Dawson headlocks Hawkins down.

Ryder comes in as we hear about how the show in “the shadow of New York”, which is acknowledged as New Jersey, likely for one of the only times tonight. A middle rope missile dropkick puts Wilder down but Dawson low bridges him out to the floor. Something close to a top rope Demolition Decapitator gets two and the armbar goes on. Dawson comes back in and rips at the face before working on his own armbar.

That’s enough of that so Wilder grabs another armbar (he’s up 2-1 on Dawson) to keep Ryder down. Ryder fights up again but neckbreakers his way out of a double suplex. With Hawkins being distracted, the champs cheat to set up a hard clothesline for two more. The assisted legdrop gives Wilder two and we hit the chinlock as this keeps going. Ryder finally suplexes his way to freedom and there’s the hot tag to Hawkins.

House is cleaned until it’s a double clothesline to put Hawkins and Dawson down at the same time. The middle rope Rough Ryder hits Dawson but Ryder and Wilder crash out to the floor. Wilder saves Dawson at two and tornado DDTs Ryder on the floor. A brainbuster drops Hawkins outside as well and they’re all down for a bit. Back in and Hawkins is dead but manages a small package for the pin and the titles at 13:20. Hawkins slowly realizing that not only is the match over but that they won is kind of awesome.

Rating: D+. This went on too long but the ending was fine after setting everything up for so long with the losing streak. Hawkins and Ryder are a likable team so it’s not like them winning the titles is a bad idea. Besides, WWE has already taken away anything that the Revival could offer (and yet it would still get worse) so the loss doesn’t do a ton of damage to them anyway.

Kickoff Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Otis, Karl Anderson, Andrade, Gran Metalik, Chad Gable, Heath Slater, Bo Dallas, Colin Jost Jeff Hardy, No Way Jose, Lince Dorado, Bobby Roode, Konnor, Tyler Breeze, Viktor, Luke Harper, Ali, Apollo Crews, Michael Che, Titus O’Neil, Tucker, Braun Strowman, Shelton Benjamin, Jinder Mahal, Matt Hardy, Curtis Axel, Rhyno, Luke Gallows, EC3, Kalisto

So the big deal here is Jost and Che are from Saturday Night Live and Strowman doesn’t like them. The two of them bail to the floor and hide under the ring as Axel is out in about ten seconds. Dorado takes a SCARY bump to the floor with Breeze, EC3 and Benjamin following him out. There goes Dallas as well but it’s time for a staredown with Strowman and Harper.

That’s broken up in a hurry and Titus gets rid of Slater. As expected, Titus is out a few seconds later off a missed charge and Ali gets rid of Jose. Ascension sends Strowman shoulder first into the post for a crash to the floor (through the ropes so no elimination). Anderson isn’t so lucky as he gets tossed and the Hardys do the same to Rhyno. Roode and Metalik are out next as the ring is starting to empty a bit.

Andrade tosses Kalisto onto Metalik but Gable rolls Andrade with German suplexes. Since it’s Gable though, Andrade throws him out in a hurry, leaving Otis to hit a double Caterpillar on the Ascension. They’re both out as well but Strowman is back in to get rid of Gallows, Tucker and Otis in a row. There goes Mahal as Harper tries to suplex Ali over the top. With Ali hanging upside down, Strowman kicks Harper out, nearly dropping Ali on his head in a very near miss.

We’re down to Strowman, Andrade, Matt, Jeff and Crews in the ring with Che and Jost still underneath the ring. Andrade and Crews go to the apron and Andrade tries a hurricanrana for no intelligent reason in a double elimination. Strowman puts the Hardys on the apron in the battle of North Carolina as Che and Jost get back inside. They can’t get rid of Strowman, who dumps the Hardys and is ready for the destruction.

Jost grabs a mic though and says this doesn’t need to end in violence. He presents his personal therapist, whose breathing exercises earn him a chokeslam. Che tries to eliminate himself but Strowman punches himself out instead. Strowman misses a charge and almost gets eliminated but powers through it and tosses Jost for the win at 10:27.

Rating: D+. Yeah it’s stupid and the SNL guys added nothing to the whole thing but Strowman won in the end and there were some nice spots (granted they went with some scary ones) throughout. It isn’t anything better or worse than your usual “get them all in there” battle royal and it could have been worse. That’s high praise for something like this anymore.

And with that Smackdown length Kickoff Show out of the way, we can get on with the real show. Isn’t modern WWE great?

Yolanda Adams sings America the Beautiful and we get the big helicopter flyover.

The opening video, complete with a WWE Presents, features the wrestlers talking about how Shakespeare said all the world’s a stage. Tonight, this is their stage and they are the players. We get the classic moments of course because this show is built around history. They do a good job of starting this slowly and then building it up into a big feeling. As usual, WWE’s promo videos are nothing short of incredible and somehow they manage to get better a lot of the time. That being said, wrestlers calling themselves storytellers doesn’t sound right.

Maybe it’s how many times I’ve heard the song on highlight packages since then, but that Love Runs Out theme song is really catchy.

Here’s Alexa Bliss, the host for the evening, to open things up. Bliss talks about how this show needs a goddess and if she snaps her fingers, she can make a Wrestlemania moment. A snap of her fingers produces Hulk Hogan, who is happy to be back here in the Silverdome. That gets a chuckle so then he calls it the MetLife Center in a joke that doesn’t go over as well. Hogan and Bliss pose together in a cute moment.

Hold on though as Paul Heyman storms out and says we’re doing the Universal Title match RIGHT NOW. The faster Lesnar wins, the faster he can go to Las Vegas where he is ULTIMATELY appreciated.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins

Rollins is defending after winning the Royal Rumble and gets a big BEAST SLAYER intro. At least BURN IT DOWN gets a big reaction so they’re doing something right. Lesnar jumps him before the bell and knees Rollins off the apron. An F5 plants Rollins on the floor and a hard whip into the barricade makes it even worse. Rollins gets tossed over the announcers’ table as the beating is on in a big way. That’s not enough for Lesnar so he throws Rollins over another table before throwing Rollins inside.

Heyman and Lesnar talk the angry trash but it’s back to the floor before the opening bell. Cole: “Seth Rollins never had a chance!” And there’s your usual WWE line that gives away the ending. Brock throws Rollins over the announcers’ table for a third time and then through the cover of the announcers’ table. They go back in for the opening bell and there’s the first German suplex. Lesnar: “SUPLEX CITY B******!” Give him his t-shirt money.

The second suplex sends him flying again as Cole brings up the Wrestlemania XXXI cash-in. The F5 is countered though and Rollins gets in a low blow. That means a low superkick and three straight Stomps make Rollins champion at 2:30. It was an exciting start and the whole thing from Lesnar’s first attack ran about 7:00. They had to get the title onto Rollins here (though more importantly off of Lesnar) and this was certainly a memorable way to do it. Certainly more so than when they did it again in a longer form four and a half months later.

AJ Styles vs. Randy Orton

This is your “here are two big names without much else to do” match. Orton eliminated him from the Elimination Chamber and they got in an argument about who built Smackdown. Orton’s big CGI snakes really don’t look great but those things are hit and miss for everyone. AJ headlocks him to start and is promptly driven into the corner. A very early threat of an RKO sends AJ bailing to the corner and it’s another standoff.

Orton pokes him in the eye and hits a dropkick to take over, including a boot across the eye to make it even worse. AJ gets in his own dropkick though as they’re pretty even in the early minutes. With Orton taking a breather on the floor, AJ scores with the slingshot forearm, only to get knocked off the apron and hard into the barricade. Back in and the chinlock goes on as the fans start chanting something I can’t understand.

That’s broken up so AJ hits the sliding forearm, setting up the fireman’s carry backbreaker for two. An early Styles Clash attempt is countered into a powerslam to give Orton his own near fall as the slow pace continues. The Calf Crusher attempt is countered without much trouble but the second attempt is slapped on in the middle of the ring. Not that the fans are exactly interested but AJ did get it on. That’s broken up in a hurry so AJ heads to the apron for the Phenomenal Forearm.

Orton jumps up to RKO him out of the air (as he had done last week) but AJ holds back, leaving Orton to crash. The springboard 450 gets two but Orton is right back with the backbreaker. Orton’s rather good looking top rope superplex has AJ crashing down for two and an uppercut gets a crazy loud pop (that had to be for something else). The hanging DDT gets no reaction but Orton walking around does, as I’m almost scared to imagine what had the fans’ attention.

AJ hits an enziguri to block the RKO, only to walk into it on the second attempt. That’s only good for two as well and Orton is shocked. With nothing else working, Orton loads up a super RKO, which is escaped without a lot of effort. A Pele sends Orton to the floor and the Phenomenal Forearm knock him even sillier. Back in and Orton still can’t hit the RKO, meaning it’s another Phenomenal Forearm to give AJ the pin at 16:12.

Rating: C-. Things got a bit better by the end but it never got going at any intense level. These two are capable of a lot but it was rather slow paced for the most part and when the match is going that long, it can get pretty tiresome in a hurry. It’s not bad in any sense but it wasn’t exciting and you know these two could do a lot better. That makes it more frustrating than anything else, as I kept waiting for them to get going and they never really did.

Here’s Lacey Evans to continue doing her thing of walking around, smiling, and then walking back.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Rusev/Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Bar vs. Ricochet/Aleister Black

The Usos are defending and it’s one fall to a finish. There is something so awesome about seeing the look on Ricochet’s face as he walks onto the stage. You can see what it means to him and there is no faking that kind of a feeling. This also marks Ricochet and Black’s third shot at different titles this week, after Raw and NXT title shots earlier in the week. Jimmy and Black start things off with a feeling out process until Sheamus tags himself in to face Black.

The armbar doesn’t last long as Rusev tags Sheamus and runs Black over. Nakamura comes in for a kick to the back but the rapid fire tags continue, with Jimmy coming in to Samoa drop Black. Nakamura kicks Jimmy into a tag to Ricochet, who does a very spinny headscissors on Cesaro. Since it’s just a headscissors though, Cesaro uppercuts Ricochet down and starts swinging him, as Sheamus forearms everyone else.

After a nearly 40 second swing (geez), the Sharpshooter goes on in the middle of the ring. Black makes the save and strikes away, setting up a springboard moonsault for two on Rusev. Nakamura is back in with some running knees to Black, meaning Ricochet has to make a save of his own. That earns him a swinging Rock Bottom from Rusev and it’s time for the nine man Tower of Doom. Just to show off, Ricochet flips out and lands safely in the corner, setting up the 630 for two on Sheamus. We hit the parade of kicks to the face with the Usos superkicking Sheamus down. The Double Us retains the titles at 10:05.

Rating: B. This was almost all action from bell to bell and that’s all you can do with a match like this one. Let them do whatever they want and get in spot after spot for a little while. They didn’t overstay their welcome either, as this match got in the right amount of time. Good stuff here and one of the more entertaining things all night so far.

Hall of Fame recap. Thankfully Bret being attacked isn’t mentioned whatsoever.

Here’s the class being presented in the stadium:

Honky Tonk Man (How was he not in yet?)

Harlem Heat (Perfectly fine.)

Torrie Wilson (The new low benchmark.)

Brutus Beefcake (Again, how was he not in yet?)

Hart Foundation (Should have been earlier so Neidhart could be there but long overdue as well.)

Sue Aitchison (Warrior Award.)

D-Generation X (I’m sure they had to twist their arms to get here. Deserved of course.)

We recap Miz vs. Shane McMahon. Somehow Shane won the World Cup despite not being in the tournament and Miz, the man he replaced in the finals, was jealous. Miz’s dad thought they should team together so they won the Tag Team Titles. The reign didn’t last long though and they split up, with Shane turning on Miz. Tonight, it’s Falls Count Anywhere. This was in the middle of Shane’s RIDICULOUS run near the top of Smackdown where he was all over the show and beating main eventers, including that Tag Team Title win. Of course he gets a big Wrestlemania match, because that’s what makes sense for such a star.

Shane McMahon vs. The Miz

Falls Count Anywhere, but hang on as Shane needs to hear his introduction three times in a row. With that out of the way, Shane bails to the floor at the bell so the chase is on, with Shane hitting his horrible punches. In a smart move, Shane grabs Miz’s dad (in the front row) and again, the chase goes badly for Miz as Shane hammers away. They head outside again with Shane loading up the announcers’ table.

A monitor shot to the head puts Miz on the table but Miz’s dad blocks the big elbow. Shane gets down so Miz’s dad gets inside for the showdown, with Miz’s dad doing the pose that launched a subplot on the upcoming season of Miz and Mrs. Shane takes him into the corner and stomps away, drawing Miz back in for the beating. They fight to to the floor with Shane falling over the barricade but hold on as Miz wants someone to check on his dad.

With the medics doing their job, Miz dives over the barricade to take Shane down again. They fight over towards one of the big pillars that holds up the canopy over the ring but Shane fights out of the Skull Crushing Finale. Instead Shane grabs a DDT for two but Miz kicks him down off the stage. Shane is sent knee first into a barricade and Miz beats on him with a chair to blow off some more steam.

They wreck announcers’ row with Miz throwing him over every chair he can find, plus throwing some chairs around. Shane gets sent through a table for two, followed by a monitor shot to knock him over a barricade and onto the top of a well placed golf cart. That gives Miz a delayed two so he punches Shane up towards a production tower. A Skull Crushing Finale onto the platform gets two, because he’s Shane and Miz is just a former World Champion.

Shane fights back (of course) and climbs up to the top of the tower. Miz pursues so Shane begs off, even dropping to one knee. That earns him some left hands to the head and Miz superplexes him all the way down (after asking if Shane is ready) onto a crash pad. Worry not though as Shane lands on top for the pin at 15:25.

Rating: D-. I knew the ending was coming here and I still shake my head at the ending. Shane is the boss’ son but my goodness how hard can you push him? The worst part is that it is only going to get worse as the summer goes on, but this was a punch to the gut as Shane wins AGAIN, meaning he isn’t going away anytime soon. The superplex was a nice idea but showing the landing on the pad (which just happened to be there) took away all of the impact that it had. That is, whatever was left before Shane won of course.

Paige joins commentary.

Women’s Tag Team Titles: IIconics vs. Beth Phoenix/Natalya vs. Nia Jax/Tamina vs. Sasha Banks/Bayley

Banks and Bayley are defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Bret Hart is here with Beth and Natalya (who really feel like fill ins for Trish Stratus/Lita), though he doesn’t go beyond the stage. Tamina shoves Bayley down to start and superkicks Natalya for a bonus. Everything breaks down in a hurry with Nia being sent outside for a ram into the steps. Back in and Peyton rolls Sasha up for two and it’s a double kick to put drop Sasha again.

The Hardys’ Spin Cycle gets two on Banks but she’s right back with a backslide for the same. It’s back to Bayley for a sliding clothesline for two on Beth but Billie tags herself in. The IIconics take over on Beth, who is right back with a suplex to both of them at once. Natalya comes in for two but Bayley makes a fast save. The champs get in a fight with Beth and Natalya and it’s a Bank Statement to Phoenix. That’s broken up but the Glam Slam is countered into a rollup into the corner.

Natalya drops Sasha onto Bayley and they get the always fairly dumb looking double Sharpshooter treatment. This time it’s Tamina making the save and Nia comes back in to wreck everyone else. The IIconics get crushed with stereo Samoan drops but Beth shoves Nia off the top to break up a splash. Sasha takes Beth down as well and Bayley drops the top rope elbow, followed by Banks’ frog splash. The Tower of Doom is broken up so Beth hits a super Glam Slam on Bayley, with Kay making a blind tag. With Beth sent outside, Kay steals the pin and the titles at 10:47.

Rating: D. This went on too long and wasn’t all that interesting in the first place. The titles were brand new at this point and they already seemed pretty worthless, which would be proven over the next year. The fallout here is more interesting than the match itself, as you Nia would go away for about a year with double ACL surgery and Sasha (allegedly) threw a fit over losing and took the summer off.

The pilots from the Kickoff Show flyover are in the crowd. That’s always cool.

We recap Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan for the Smackdown World Title. Kofi replaced the injured Ali in the Elimination Chamber and got down to the final two. That set up one of the most dramatic things that WWE has ever done, as Kofi got inches away from winning the title and the fans ate it up. It was clear that Kofi had to get the title at Wrestlemania or he never would, which sent Kofi and New Day into a crusade to finally get the title shot that had eluded him for eleven years.

After jumping through all kinds of hoops set by Vince McMahon, it took New Day winning a gauntlet match to get the shot, with their longtime rivals the Usos stepping aside in a great show of respect for Kofi. At the same time, Bryan said that Kofi was a B+ player in an awesome role reversal from his legendary run five years earlier.

The match was finally set and it was a heck of a story, as Kofi had put in so many years of building credibility to get here and was finally cashing in. This wasn’t JBL jumping up to the main event scene, as Kofi had pretty much won every title other than the World Title. That’s not a big jump, but it was hard to believe that they would actually pull the trigger here. In other words, this was EXCELLENT and would have headlined any other year.

Smackdown World Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan

Kofi is challenging and has New Day in his corner, while Bryan has Rowan. Big E. has a gift for Kofi and promises it for after the match. I had forgotten how nice of a touch Bryan’s eco-friendly belt really was. They stare each other down to start and the fans are behind Kofi, which is almost hard to fathom until you realize that Bryan might be a better heel than face. Kofi’s headlock doesn’t get anywhere so they fight over a backslide. Bryan monkey flips him so Kofi lands on his feet, setting up a dropkick to the floor.

The big dive takes Bryan down again and the roster is behind Kofi in the back. Things slow down a bit as Bryan needs a breather with Rowan. Back in and Bryan uppercuts him a few times to set up the surfboard, which always looks awesome. That’s broken up in a hurry as usual, allowing Kofi to kick away in the corner. Bryan’s moonsault into the running clothesline is countered into something resembling the standing double stomp (almost a Thesz press as Kofi can’t hit it properly) for two.

Kofi’s jumping clothesline works a bit better and the Boom Drop connects. Bryan heads outside again so Kofi tries a springboard dive, which lands ribs first on the announcers’ table. You don’t have to ask Bryan twice to go after the ribs like that so he drops Kofi ribs first across the top rope. The ribs get sent into the corner and it’s off to a waistlock, which works a lot better this time around. Kofi fights up and elbows in the corner but a very quick Trouble in Paradise is countered into a Boston crab.

Bryan’s belly to back superplex is broken up with elbows to the face and Kofi hits a top rope splash to the back for two. They slug it out but Trouble in Paradise is countered again, only to countered into a small package to give Kofi two more. Kofi’s crossbody is rolled through though and Bryan pulls him into a failed LeBell Lock attempt so they’re both down for a second. The running knee is countered into the SOS but Bryan reverses into the LeBell Lock, with Bryan letting go for some more elbows to the ribs.

Kofi finally gets his foot on the rope and you can hear the sigh of relief. Bryan YES Kicks at the ribs even more but Kofi fires up and tells Bryan to kick him even harder. As Bryan backs away, Kofi throws his own kicks and busts out a reverse suplex for two. They head outside again so Rowan can go after New Day, earning himself Trouble in Paradise. The Midnight Hour on the floor takes care of Rowan and Kofi blocks Bryan’s suicide dive.

Back in and Bryan hits the running knee…..for two and a big pop on the kickout. Bryan has had it and unloads with stomps to the head to set up the LeBell Lock. Kofi breaks out again and blasts Bryan with forearms to the face with more aggression than you usually see from him. Bryan won’t let go of the wrist so Kofi stomps him right back, knocking Bryan silly. Trouble in Paradise gives Kofi the clean pin and the title at 23:45.

Rating: A. That is the definition of the Wrestlemania moment and it holds up to perfection a year later. The fans completely bought into the idea of Kofi fighting through everything and winning the title in the end and that’s all it should have been. Kofi is the kind of guy who has been around forever and built up so much good will that when he finally went after the title, everyone was on his side. That made for a special moment and it was amazing throughout as it’s something that I never thought I would see, but here it is. That’s a great thing to see as rare as it can be.

On top of that, this was an awesome match with both guys giving it everything they had. The story here was perfect with Kofi not being the wrestler Bryan was but knowing that this was his one shot and giving everything he had to achieve his dream when he could. The fans believed in him and there was no way he could lose in this spot. Outstanding stuff and if not for the historic main event, this would have headlined in a landslide. Watch this again and smile a lot.

Post match Woods and Big E. pull out the classic WWE Championship and hand it to Kofi for the first time (Kofi kneeling in the ring and waiting to have it presented to him is a great visual). The pyro goes off and Kofi’s sons get in the ring to celebrate with him and one of them holds up the title, which is almost bigger than he is. We’re not done yet though as Big E. brings in the present from earlier. It’s the first New Day shirt featuring Kofi as champion and his kids get to hold them up for a perfect visual. Woods: “THEY SAID WE COULDN’T MAKE IT! WE MADE IT TO THE TOP!” Outstanding.

Che and Jost are banged up so Bliss introduces them to Dr. Scott Hall and Dr. Kevin Nash. Ok then.

Booker T. is the next guest commentator.

US Title: Samoa Joe vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is challenging and this year’s comic gear is…..well Mysterio appropriately enough. Now how did he never do that one before? Joe kicks him in the face but Rey is right back with the springboard hurricanrana. The 619 connects but Joe pulls him out of the air into the Koquina Clutch and Rey is out at 1:00, which may have something to do with Rey injuring his ankle on Monday. Booker being annoyed at wasting all the time on prep work is good for a chuckle.

Sneak peak of Batista’s new movie Stuber.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre. Reigns returned from leukemia after a four month absence and he needs a first victim. Drew has run through the rest of the Shield as a bonus. This is your likely layup result of the show and that’s fine.

Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre

Drew gets played to the ring by the New York Bagpipe Band. They trade shots to the face to start so Reigns snaps off a Samoan drop for an early two. McIntyre is right back with a spinebuster into a jackknife cover for two of his own. The Glasgow Kiss knocks Reigns down again and McIntyre throws him into the corner for two. The chinlock/armbar goes on until Reigns powers out and knocks him to the floor. Reigns’ running kick to the face is blocked though and McIntyre suplexes him down.

Back in and the reverse Alabama slam gives McIntyre two so he takes Reigns up top. That earns him a crotching, only to have Drew pull himself up from the Tree of Woe to send Reigns flying with a belly to belly superplex. Reasons of general heelishness cause McIntyre to slap him in the face, meaning the comeback is on. McIntyre gets knocked outside again for the Samoan drop on the floor, followed by the Superman Punch back inside. The spear finishes McIntyre at 10:06.

Rating: D. The fans didn’t care and why should they have? As usual, it was clear that Reigns was going to win and that happens far too often at Wrestlemania. It’s amazing that Reigns got to come back here but it’s Reigns, who almost always wins, winning again in a match where the ending was obvious throughout. Nothing to see here, and the fans were silent throughout.

Post match Reigns gets to pose in a rather emotional moment.

Here’s Elias for his self described greatest performance ever. He’s on screen playing drums, with a second Elias joining him on piano and the real thing in the ring playing guitar. They jam for a bit and guitar Elias says the other two deserve a standing ovation. Elias teases more members of the band and gets in his catchphrase before loading up the song….but here’s a SPECIAL BULLETIN on Babe Ruth calling his shot in the 1932 World Series.

Cue John Cena in Dr. of Thuganomics gear and the fans seem rather pleased. Cena raps about how he’s about to turn heel and how bad his own movies are. WWE doesn’t stand for Walk With Elias because it really means Wasted Wrestling Experiment. We get a nuts joke, followed by the FU to leave Elias laying. They have history together so this was as good as you were going to get. This was funny for a change if nothing else and that’s a cool Wrestlemania feeling.

We recap Batista vs. HHH. Back at Smackdown 1000, Batista had mentioned that HHH never beat him but laughed it off. Then in February, Ric Flair was having a 70^th birthday celebration but Batista attacked him, while asking HHH if he had his attention. This set up the match, with Batista demanding that HHH give him what he wanted (over and over and over). HHH has put up his career just in case the ending was in the slightest bit of doubt.

Shawn Michaels is guest commentator.

Batista vs. HHH

No holds barred with HHH’s career on the line. Batista goes out to glare at Shawn but here’s HHH, riding in a Mad Max style cart because of course he is. Batista drives him straight into the corner to start so HHH is back with some right hands to the face. A backdrop sends Batista outside but he throws HHH over the announcers’ table in a crash. HHH is right back up with a ram into the barricade and busts out a chain to whip Batista over the back.

The chain is pulled into Batista’s mouth (Shawn: “That’s not going to help his movie career.”) and HHH whips him into the steps. To ramp up the pain, HHH busts out some pliers to bend Batista’s fingers around a bit. HHH isn’t done with the toolbox so he grabs some needle nose pliers and ribs Batista’s nose ring out. To be fair, that thing looked horrible. Cole: “HHH just ripped a nose ring out of the nose of Batista.” So the nose ring in his ear is still intact.

Batista’s nose is good enough to drop HHH onto the announcers’ table and then he does it again onto a different one. A chair to the back sets up the shoulders in the corner for two as things have slowed way down. Batista slams him down for two more and let’s go outside again. The steps are set on the table and another table is cleared off as this is taking quite a long time for one big spot.

The huge Batista Bomb through the table is countered with a backdrop onto (not through) the other table and they’re both down again. HHH gets up, spinebusters him through the table, and we get another breather. HHH pulls out the sledgehammer but it’s a spear to cut him down for two. This time it’s HHH knocking the sledgehammer away from Batista, earning himself a spinebuster in the process. The Batista Bomb, which makes HHH drop the sledgehammer again, connects for two.

With nothing else working, Batista brings in the steps but goes up top for some reason. That reason would be so HHH can powerbomb him onto the steps, setting up a Pedigree for two (Because this MUST KEEP GOING!). They’re both down again so here’s Flair to slip HHH the sledgehammer. HHH gets up and uses the steps as a launchpad to hammer Batista in the head. Since that’s not enough to pin him (or KILL HIM as it probably should have), Batista pops up to take the Pedigree for the pin at 25:45.

Rating: D. Why does HHH do this? They could have had the same match with at least ten minutes chopped off but for some reason we needed to get HHH’s latest big epic match, no matter how much people aren’t interested in seeing it. This was terrible with Batista looking like a shell of his glory days (fair enough) and the match going WAY longer than it should have. Horrible match, and did you expect anything else given this style of match’s history?

The B Team model Daniel Bryan WWE Champion shirts but here’s Ron Simmons for the joke.

JBL is your next guest commentator.

Baron Corbin vs. Kurt Angle

This is Angle’s retirement match as he can barely get in the ring without injuring himself these days and needs to limp away for good. Corbin is here because we all did something horrible in a past life. Angle goes after him to start but gets knocked into the corner to put him in early trouble. Corbin takes it to the corner and pounds away before mocking Angle’s family a bit. A missed middle rope ax handle sends Corbin throat first into the rope so Angle snaps off some suplexes for two.

Angle walks into a big boot but is fine enough to grab a quickly broken ankle lock. Deep Six gives Corbin two more but he misses a charge, allowing the Angle Slam to connect for two. The straps come down and the ankle lock goes on until Corbin rolls him into the corner for the break. Corbin throws in a You Can’t See Me so Angle punches him into more rolling German suplexes. The moonsault misses though and the End of Days finishes Kurt’s career at 5:59.

Rating: D. Angle does seem fine with putting Corbin over on the way out but this was another step in the seemingly eternal nonsense that was/is the Corbin push. It’s a lot to take and while I can live with Angle going out on his back, it’s a lot to take because Corbin really is going way above his pay grade every time he’s in a match like this.

Post match Angle thanks the fans and asks for one more YOU SUCK chant for the road.

Intercontinental Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Finn Balor

Lashley, with Lio Rush, is defending and they’ve traded the title, so tonight it’s the Demon to make the match feel big. Balor gets a special entrance by coming down off a raised platform, though it’s not as creepy as his NXT entrances. Lashley has very bright green contacts in for some reason. Some early dropkicks put Lashley on the floor and Balor takes him out with a dive for a bonus.

A hard drive into the apron cuts Balor off though and there’s a suplex to make it worse. Lashley clotheslines him hard to the floor but a Sling Blade gets Balor out of trouble. Rush’s distraction lets Lashley hit a HARD spear through the ropes though and a regular one gets two back inside. Balor fights out of a powerbomb and hits one of his own, setting up the Coup de Grace for the pin and the title at 4:01.

Rating: C. The match was entertaining enough for something that was going so fast but at the same time, the booking still doesn’t make a ton of sense. Balor has already shown that he can beat Lashley so now he needs to bring up the powers to win? And the extraordinary thing was just a powerbomb? I’m glad to see the Demon again but this wasn’t exactly the most logical thing in the world.

Here’s Alexa Bliss to announce the attendance record of 82,265. Cue R-Truth and Carmella for the Wrestlemania Dance Break (Remember those?).

We recap the main event of Raw Women’s Champion Ronda Rousey and Smackdown Women’s Champion Charlotte defending against Becky Lynch in a winner take all match. Rousey is the unstoppable force, Charlotte is Charlotte and Becky is here because she’s the hottest name in wrestling at the moment and won the Royal Rumble. Tonight the winner leaves with both titles and it’s the biggest women’s match in history.

Raw Women’s Title/Smackdown Women’s Title: Ronda Rousey vs. Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch

Lynch is challenging both. In a nod to her father and the Four Horsemen, Charlotte lance in a helicopter outside and walks into the stadium. Already inside, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts play Rousey to the ring. There is something so cool about watching Becky walk down the ramp in a wide shot as Cole talks about how she has started a movement. I’m not sure if that is the right term but it looked awesome. The bell rings and even a year later I still can’t believe this happened. The women’s division was a joke just a few years ago and now it’s the biggest match of the year. That’s hard to believe and it’s very cool.

They stare at each other for a good bit to start until Becky goes after Rousey’s arm. Rousey kicks her to the floor without much trouble and that means a Samoan drop into the barricade. Charlotte follows and takes Piper’s Pit but pops right back up for a fall away slam to send Rousey into the barricade for a change. That sets up the required Charlotte vs. Becky fight with Becky getting the better of things but can’t get the Figure Four, allowing Rousey to come and hammer away.

Charlotte breaks up an armbar attempt but gets pulled into a triangle choke over the ropes. Becky hits a running dropkick though and Rousey falls HARD onto the floor in a nasty crash. That leaves Charlotte to knee Becky in the head as the fans get behind Becky in a big way. Charlotte’s moonsault hits knees and Becky gets the Disarm-Her but Rousey make the save in a hurry. A double Natural Selection gives Charlotte two each and it’s Becky going outside this time.

For some reason Charlotte tries to slug it out with Rousey, earning herself a knee to the head. Charlotte pulls her into a Boston crab, drawing Becky in for her own save. Becky and Charlotte slug it out again until Charlotte is sent to the apron. Charlotte gets caught up top with a super Bexploder for two but Rousey drops both of them with a high crossbody for a double near fall. The double armbar goes on so Becky and Charlotte powerbomb her for the break. It took three attempts but they finally got out.

Everyone is down for a bit until Becky hits a Rock Bottom for two on Charlotte. Rousey goes after Becky and gets pulled straight into the Disarm-Her so she uses the ropes to power up in the corner. That’s fine with Becky, who puts it on again in the corner until Charlotte boots her in the face. Charlotte’s super Spanish Fly gets two but she might have banged up her knee. Rousey’s knee is banged up as well so Charlotte stomps away and grabs the Figure Four around the post.

After sending Becky into the barricade, Charlotte grabs the Figure Eight but Becky dives in off the top for another save. Just because, let’s bring in a table but Charlotte decks Becky for taking too long to set it up. Rousey shoves Charlotte off the top and turns the table over because she doesn’t need it. A double spear takes down Becky and Rousey so Charlotte sets up the table in the corner.

Charlotte sends Rousey face first into the table and spears Becky for two more. Back up and Charlotte gets hiptossed through the table, leaving Becky and Rousey to have the slugout we’ve been waiting for. They throw some serious hands but Piper’s Pit is countered into a crucifix (with Rousey’s shoulder a good six inches off the mat in a bad botch) to give Becky both titles at 21:28.

Rating: B. I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t watch it in one sitting this time around but I liked the match a good bit better on a second viewing. These three beat each other up and while Becky winning was the presumed finish, it wasn’t entirely a lock given who she was in there against. It was a heck of a fight and the three of them all came out looking great. This is much more historic than good, but it’s really rather good and that’s always a positive way to go out.

Rousey is ticked as Becky celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The positives are better than the negatives but not by much. There are some flat out bad matches on here but they are overcome by some great feelings with the faces winning all of the big matches for a change. That felt like an old school style as for the first time in what felt like forever, they didn’t cut the fans off for the sake of dragging things out until later. For once it felt like a season finale and that’s what Wrestlemania should be when it gets the chance. Good show, but it could have been a lot better.

How you ask? CUT THE SHOW DOWN! Look at how long this show is and tell me that it’s well put together. There is no need for a sixteen match card, especially with some of the matches that feel tacked on. All three Tag Team Title matches feel like they’re here for the sake of being here and some of the matches just need to be shortened. Either that or find a way to get people to the ring faster. I know it seems simple but how much of these shows are spent on ring entrances alone? Just find a way to shorten things, please.

Overall there are more good things than bad, but this isn’t a show that you need to watch in one sitting. As soon as you get to the point where the show is five hours plus an episode of Smackdown before it starts (and a Smackdown with more wrestling than usual at that), you’re hitting a firm ceiling of how much you can enjoy this. I know you can’t cut out big chunks, but find a way to get this under six hours. Do that and it’s a lot better, but that has been the case for years now and it keeps getting longer. Either way, at least we had enough nice stuff on here, but don’t watch it all at once.

Ratings Comparison

Tony Nese vs. Buddy Murphy

Original: C+

Redo: C

Women’s Battle Royal

Original: D

Redo: D

Revival vs. Zack Ryder/Curt Hawkins

Original: C

Redo: D+

Men’s Battle Royal

Original: D

Redo: D+

Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

AJ Styles vs. Randy Orton

Original: B-

Redo: C-

Usos vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Rusev vs. The Bar vs. Aleister Black/Ricochet

Original: C+

Redo: B

Shane McMahon vs. The Miz

Original: C-

Redo: D-

Boss N Hug Connection vs. Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. IIconics vs. Nia Jax/Tamina

Original: D

Redo: D

Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan

Original: A-

Redo: A

Samoa Joe vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Drew McIntyre vs. Roman Reigns

Original: C-

Redo: D

Batista vs. HHH

Original: D+

Redo: D

Baron Corbin vs. Kurt Angle

Original: F

Redo: D

Finn Balor vs. Bobby Lashley

Original: C

Redo: C

Ronda Rousey vs. Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C+

About the same all around, but some of those earlier ones are a good bit off. Still though, too long, despite some of the very good parts.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/04/08/wrestlemania-xxxv-so-much-for-no-happy-endings/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXXV
Date: April 7, 2019
Location: MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips
America the Beautiful: Yolanda Adams

As long as this show is going to be, there’s something special about getting to see it every year. This year’s show is built around the three major matches and the question of how many happy endings we can have. You know it’s not going to be all three, but which of the three doesn’t go through. Those matches consist of Universal Champion Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins, Smackdown World Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Kofi Kingston and the winner take all match for both Women’s titles as Ronda Rousey faces Charlotte and Becky Lynch in a genuinely historic main event. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Tony Nese vs. Buddy Murphy

Nese is challenging after winning a tournament and wastes no time in trying a jumping knee. Murphy gets sent outside but is fine enough to drop Nese ribs first onto the turnbuckle as we go split screen for an ad. Well at least they didn’t do this during the TV build. Back to full with Nese fighting out of a chinlock and suplexing the champ into the corner. Murphy gets tied in the ropes for a Lionsault but catches Nese with a superkick. A spinning faceplant gets two and some knees to the face have Nese in more trouble.

Nese is fine enough to hit a reverse hurricanrana and they trade a series of strikes to the face. Nese’s kneeling over the back piledriver gets two, followed by the 450 for the same. Murphy is right back up with Murphy’s Law but Nese gets a foot on the rope. With nothing else working, Murphy tries Nese’s running knee in the corner but walks into a superkick. A German suplex into the corner sets up the real running knee to give Nese the pin and the title at 10:43.

Rating: C+. Pretty good stuff here, even if I can’t imagine Nese holding the title very long. He’s the New York guy so it makes sense to have him win the title for a feel good moment. It wasn’t the most surprising thing in the world but it’s a good idea to open the night with a mostly short but effective match. Not bad at all, though Nese is a short term champion at best.

Kickoff Show: Women’s Battle Royal

Naomi, Lana, Nikki Cross, Asuka, Mickie James, Kairi Sane, Ember Moon, Ruby Riott, Sarah Logan, Liv Morgan, Zelina Vega, Dana Brooke, Eve Torres, Mandy Rose, Candice LeRae, Maria Kanellis, Sonya Deville, Carmella

It’s a wild brawl to start with Nikki Cross chasing Maria in a circle and getting rid of her. Asuka sends Nikki out and LeRae is out as well. Ember Eclipses Lana (as Captain Marvel) and knocks out Naomi, followed by another Eclipse to Mandy. Lana manages to get rid of Ember and insists that she’s #1 before kicking Sane in the face. Sane goes up and gets shoved to the apron, leaving us with a Lana vs. Logan staredown.

The Riott Squad gets together and dumps Lana but Sane is back in with the Insane Elbow on Logan. The Squad gets rid of Sane though and Logan lifts Morgan up for a flipping Stunner on Vega. Now it’s Asuka taking the triple teaming but she slides back in from the apron. Dana of all people fights back against the Squad and gets rid of Ruby. Logan is out as well but Vega blocks a cartwheel elbow.

Mandy and Sonya get rid of Vega and Brooke as we’re down to Logan, Rose, Deville, James and Asuka. James superkicks Mandy out but gets eliminated by Sonya to get us to three. Asuka sends Deville to the apron but Logan dumps both of them out….as Carmella slides back in, JUST LIKE LAST YEAR. Carmella knocks Logan over but Logan keeps her feet above the floor. A superkick gets rid of Logan to give Carmella the win at 10:30.

Rating: D. Hey, remember last year when someone snuck back in at the end and won the Women’s Battle Royal in a big surprise despite doing nothing coming into the match where someone could have gotten something out of it? No particular reason for asking of course. The match was your usual deal of everyone standing around until it was time for them to be eliminated until the ending. It was shorter than last year’s though and that’s an improvement. Oh and so much for Lacey Evans winning the thing as a surprise.

Kickoff Show: Raw Tag Team Titles: Revival vs. Zack Ryder/Curt Hawkins

The Revival is defending and this wasn’t announced on the Kickoff Show. Dawson takes Hawkins into the corner to start and gets two off a rollup. It’s off to Ryder vs. Wilder, the latter of whom gets the loudest cheer of his career after he decked the guy who jumped Bret last night. An armbar keeps Ryder down and Dawson comes back in to rip at Ryder’s face. Ryder gets in a suplex and tosses Wilder into the corner but Dawson knocks Hawkins off the apron.

We hit the chinlock on Ryder for a bit until he backdrops his way to freedom, allowing the hot tag to Hawkins. A backslide gets two on Dawson and Wilder gets knocked off the apron. The double clothesline gives us a double knockdown and it’s back to Ryder. The middle rope Rough Ryder hits Dawson and Ryder suplex suplexes Wilder to the floor for a scary crash. Hawkins throws Ryder back in for the tag but Wilder breaks up the cover.

Wilder DDTs Ryder on the floor and Hawkins takes a brainbuster to put all four down on the floor. Back in Dawson is rather cocky about beating Hawkins, who seems to be a bit dead. You never want to be too cocky in wrestling though and it’s a small package to pin Dawson for the titles at 13:21.

Rating: C. Ignoring Hawkins losing 269 matches in a row and not having a win since November 2016, Ryder not winning a non-Main Event match on TV since December 2016 and the team not winning a match together since 2008, this makes perfect sense. The love for the New York fans is strong tonight, which makes me wonder what kind of horrible things they have in mind for the main card. Just let the Revival go sit at home until their contracts are up though because I’d rather they go out with just this humiliation rather than seeing what else WWE could think of for them.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Colin Jost, Michael Che, Braun Strowman, Otis, Tucker, Kalisto, Gran Metalik, Lince Dorado, Ali, Titus O’Neil, Konnor, Viktor, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Andrade, Jinder Mahal, Harper, Bo Dallas, Bobby Roode, Apollo Crews, Bo Dallas, Luke Gallows, Karl Anderson, No Way Jose, Tyler Breeze, Chad Gable, Heath Slater, Rhyno, Shelton Benjamin, EC3

Hey Harper is back. The SNL guys bail to the floor as Breeze and EC3 are both out. Shelton and Dorado are eliminated as well with Strowman throwing everyone he comes near. Harper vs. Strowman gets a big reaction but everyone piles onto them to break it up. Titus misses a charge and gets eliminated, followed by Ali tornado DDTing Jose and tossing him. Strowman gets sent into the post and goes through the ropes to the floor as Anderson is tossed.

Rhyno is out as well and the Hardys get into a mini match with Roode/Gable, with Roode being eliminated. Metalik gets thrown out by Mahal and Andrade monkey flips Kalisto out. There goes Gable as the ring is clearing out in a hurry. Tucker runs the Ascension over and there’s a double Caterpillar to both of them. The Ascension is thrown out but Strowman tosses Heavy Machinery.

Mahal is out next as Harper tries to suplex Ali, only to have Strowman kick them both out at the same time. We’re down to Strowman, Che, Jost, Matt, Jeff, Apollo and Andrade. Apollo and Andrade go to the apron and Andrade snaps off a hurricanrana to eliminate both of them in a dumb move. The Hardys try to pull Strowman out but the SNL guys come in and fail to throw them out.

Strowman shrugs them off and dumps the Hardys, leaving him alone with Jost and Che. One of them grabs a mic and says this doesn’t have to end in violence, so here’s his therapist to talk Strowman through this. Strowman beats him up and gives him a chokeslam (good thing the therapist knows how to take a flat back bump) before slapping Che out. A running boot in the corner misses and Jost goes for the elimination but gets shoved away. Strowman throws him out for the win at 10:24.

Rating: D. Yeah it was stupid and the SNL guys were annoying, but it was on the Kickoff Show and the right person won so I can’t complain all that much. Strowman should have won something bigger than this but at least he comes away with something instead of just being tossed out like anyone else. You know, like they did with Asuka in the first match.

Yolanda Adams sings America the Beautiful.

Helicopters fly over the stadium instead of the usual planes.

The opening video features wrestlers talking about this being the biggest stage and them being the players and storytellers. We see stills of famous Wrestlemania moments as the wrestlers talk about having the chance to live forever. They switch into a regular video of everyone involved with Lynch saying that they are the storytellers. This is a great idea, but not exactly practical when you consider that this is Wrestlemania GET EVERYONE ON THE CARD.

Here’s Wrestlemania host Alexa Bliss to say that Wrestlemania needs a goddess. She snaps her fingers…..and here’s Hulk Hogan. Well that works. Hogan: “It’s great to be back here in the Silverdome brother!” Ok that was funny. Hogan: “Ok it’s great to be back here in the MetLife Center!” He hits the catchphrase and poses with Bliss as Paul Heyman of all people storms out between the two of them. Heyman goes to the ring and says if they’re not closing the show, they’re not hanging around. They’re getting their business done and going to Las Vegas where Lesnar is ULTIMATELY appreciated.

Universal Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins

Lesnar is defending. Rollins has a new BEAST SLAYER graphic but Brock knees him off the apron and it’s an F5 on the floor before the bell rings. Lesnar throws him into various things at ringside and then over the announcers’ table a few times. They get inside but the referee won’t start the match because Rollins isn’t ready. Lesnar tosses him outside again for another whip over the announcers’ table and through the top piece of the table.

They go back inside and Rollins is mostly dead but gets to his feet for the opening bell. Three straight German suplexes let Lesnar bounce as Rollins’ back is all kinds of pretty colors. The F5 is escaped and the ref is bumped, allowing Rollins to hit the low row. Rollins hits the low superkick and the Stomp connects. A second and third Stomp give Rollins the title at 2:30.

Jerry Lawler joins commentary.

Randy Orton vs. AJ Styles

The CGI graphics are back with Orton’s being a HUGE snake that made me jump. Battle over respect between the two of them as Orton has asked why it took AJ so long to get here. An early RKO attempt is blocked so Orton goes with a thumb to the eye and the Orton Stomp. AJ gets back up with the dropkick and the slingshot forearm to the floor drops Orton again. Orton is thrown back in and knocks AJ into the barricade. The chinlock doesn’t last long as AJ fights up with the Phenomenal Blitz and a basement forearm.

The Styles Clash is blocked and Orton tries the hanging DDT, which is reversed into the Calf Crusher. Once the rope is grabbed AJ goes to the apron and loads up the Phenomenal Forearm but drops back down as Orton jumps for the RKO and crashes, allowing AJ to hit the springboard 450 for two. Orton is back up with the top rope superplex as the fans are interested in something else.

The hanging DDT plants AJ and Orton plays to the crowd to get their attention back. The RKO is countered with an enziguri but the second attempt connects for two. It feels like it’s been awhile since anyone kicked out of that. With the regular version not working, Orton loads up a super RKO but gets kicked out to the floor. That means a Phenomenal Forearm to the outside and the regular one finishes Orton at 16:17.

Rating: B-. This was about what you would have expected with good action between two talented veterans. AJ knowing that the RKO counter was coming was fine and the ending was as decisive as you could get with AJ surviving the RKO and winning clean. It’s a perfectly good match and it’s not like the two of them have anything else to do at the moment. Expect a rematch next month.

Lacey Evans cameo, though this time she stops to sneer at the crowd.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Ricochet/Aleister Black vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Rusev vs. The Bar

The Usos are defending. Jey and Black start things off but Sheamus tags himself in and low bridges Jey to the floor. Black gets taken down and it’s Rusev coming in to hold Black up for a kick from Rusev. It’s off to Ricochet with the springboard clothesline for two on Nakamura before spinning around Cesaro multiple times for a headscissors.

That just earns him a shot to the face and it’s time to swing Ricochet while Sheamus beats on Rusev’s chest. Nakamura tries to make a save so Sheamus beats on him as well, followed by the same to Jey and Black, all while Ricochet is swinging Ricochet for well over a minute. The Sharpshooter goes on with Jey making the save, earning himself a trip to the floor with his brother.

We settle down (kind of) to Black bringing in Ricochet, who gets caught by Rusev in a swinging release Rock Bottom. Everyone goes to the corner for the required Tower of Doom, with Ricochet rolling through because he’s Ricochet and more awesome than you. Black knees Sheamus down and Ricochet hits the 630 for two with a bunch of people diving in for the save. We get a parade of kicks to the face with Sheamus taking the double superkick. The Double Us retains the Usos’ titles at 10:05.

Rating: C+. The big spots helped a lot here and it felt like an amped up Smackdown match, which is one of the best things that you can have in this situation. There’s no other way you can go with no story and the match being thrown together on Smackdown. Just have them do the spots and do the best they can, like Ricochet sticking the landing and that insane swing.

Recap of the Hall of Fame.

Honky Tonk Man (Long overdue)

Harlem Heat (More than deserved)

Torrie Wilson (The bar has been lowered)

Brutus Beefcake (Sure why not)

Hart Foundation (Yep, and may I add yep)

Sue Aitchison, with John Cena’s 600^th Make-A-Wish (Nothing wrong with that)

D-Generation X (Fine, though they feel weak for headliners)

We recap Shane McMahon vs. The Miz in the feud that WWE cares about and thinks we do too. Miz’s dad is a horrible person and only cared about his son when Miz started teaming with Shane, who didn’t like having to fix Miz’s daddy issues. Tonight it’s Falls Count Anywhere to blow it off.

Shane McMahon vs. The Miz

Falls Count Anywhere. Shane makes Greg Hamilton do his entrance three times, with the third being held out extra long. Miz’s dad is in the front row so Shane goes straight to the floor to choke him. The chase is on but Shane gets in a monitor shot to the head. The big elbow through the announcers’ table is loaded up so Miz’s dad gets in the way. Still doesn’t help the fact that he’s a horrible father.

Dad gets in the ring and puts up his fists so Shane jumps him. The beating brings Miz back into the ring to take Shane apart and send him into the barricade before checking on his dad. With the medics taking care of Papa Miz, Miz tackles Shane over the barricade and they head into the crowd, eventually going to the tech arena near one of the towers that holds up the structure above the ring. They go into an open area of the crowd with Miz hitting Shane in the foot with a chair.

Another shot to the back lets Miz knock Shane over to the international commentators station where tables are overturned. A chokeslam puts Shane through the table for two and a monitor shot knocks Shane over a barricade and down into the shadows (cool visual). Miz follows and gets a delayed two as replays show Shane landing on top of a golf cart.

They fight up a camera tower ala HHH vs. Undertaker at Wrestlemania XVII with Miz hitting a Skull Crushing Finale onto a metal platform for two. Shane gets in a shot to the face and climbs to the top of the tower as this isn’t going to go well. Miz follows him up and gets rather stalkerish as he stares Shane down to one knee. Shane begs off so Miz hammers away and suplexes him off the tower onto a crashpad….with Shane landing on top for the pin at 15:38.

Rating: C-. Why not. Why not. WHY THE #$**#%%!!@# NOT! Why shouldn’t we spend five months building this up and giving Shane McMahon a title before having him win at Wrestlemania? I’m sure this will continue, because going from November until April isn’t long enough for a Shane McMahon story. That’s just great.

The match itself was your usual walking around the stadium fight with Miz dominating through most of it until the end. The deal with Miz’s dad was a cool moment but they should have brought him out later on in the match instead of so close to the beginning. Not bad overall, but the ending was stupid.

Paige joins commentary.

Women’s Tag Team Titles: Boss N Hug Connection vs. Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. IIconics vs. Nia Jax/Tamina

Bayley and Sasha Banks are defending. The IIconics are a devil (Billie) and a black winged angel (Peyton). Natalya and Beth are in matching pink and black so here’s Bret Hart to stand with them on the stage and then go to the back. It’s a brawl to start with Nia being sent into the steps. We settle down to Peyton getting beaten up but Billie helps her out, allowing them to hit their superhero pose.

Beth gets bulldogged onto Billie’s knee with the kickout making Peyton scream. Natalya comes in for a Hart Attack for two on Billie with Bayley making the save. It’s off to Sasha, who is taken down without too much effort. Natalya and Beth lift Sasha into the air so Bayley makes the save and throws Bayley at Beth for the Bank Statement but Beth powers out as you probably expected.

Natalya puts Bayley and Sasha in the Sharpshooter at the same time until Tamina breaks it up with a superkick. Nia gets back in and starts crushing people, setting up Nia and Tamina going up top at the same time. Beth saves Banks from death by shoving Nia off and Sasha drops the frog splash for two on Natalya. Beth is back up and takes Bayley to the top for a super Glam Slam….but Billie comes in and steals the pin and the title at 10:46.

Rating: D. Some of the spots were good but at the same time, there were too many people running around and it hurt things a lot. I do like the IIconics coming in and stealing the belts as it certainly fits their style better (Do they even have a regular finisher?). But yeah, just too much going on when it didn’t need to be the case. Drop Beth and Natalya and it would have fit better, but I guess the Beth Phoenix fan club needed one more moment?

The helicopter pilots from earlier are here.

We recap Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan. Kingston has basically done everything there is to do in the company outside of winning the World Title. He got close in the Elimination Chamber but couldn’t quite pull it off. Vince McMahon then decided to throw one challenge after another at him with Kofi coming up just short every time until Big E. and Xavier Woods won a tag team gauntlet match to get him the title shot. If Kofi doesn’t win here, I don’t know if he ever will.

Smackdown World Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan

Kofi is challenging with New Day in his corner while Bryan has Rowan. Big E. has a present for Kofi, but only after he wins. They go to the mat to start with Kofi sticking the landing off a monkey flip to send Bryan outside. That means the big dive over the top as the roster is watching in the locker room again, where there is a total of one single monitor showing the match. Back in and Kofi tries to jump a little too much, allowing Bryan to pull him down into a surfboard.

Some forearms to the back of the head seem to wake Kofi up and it’s a clothesline into the Boom Drop. Bryan bails outside and Kofi dives after, only to crash onto the announcers’ table ribs first. Back in and we hit the waistlock for a good while as Bryan stays on the ribs. He switches over to the Boston crab, eventually stepping to the side to make it half Liontamer. With that broken, Bryan loads up a belly to back superplex but gets elbowed down three times in a row.

Kofi drops a top rope splash to the back for two but the ribs are banged up again in the process. Trouble in Paradise misses and they go to some rollups for near falls until Kofi kicks him in the head. Bryan stops him with a stomp out of the corner and busts out the YES pose for a nice callback. The running knee is countered into a rollup and SOS gets two but Bryan reverses into the LeBell Lock in the middle of the ring.

The long crawl gets Kofi’s leg on the rope and Bryan is starting to get mad. The kicks to the ribs have Kofi in trouble but he fires back kicks of his own, capped off by a reverse suplex (ok then) for a close two. Rowan goes after New Day but Kofi hits him with Trouble in Paradise, followed by the Midnight Hour on the floor. Bryan’s suicide dive is countered by a right hand but Trouble in Paradise misses, allowing Bryan to hit the running knee for two, causing the fans to build a roof on the stadium and then blow it off.

Bryan has had it and starts stomping the head as Woods and Big E. watch on. The LeBell Lock goes on and the referee checks the arm….which stays up. Bryan hits him in the face and pulls again but Kofi rolls out and hammers away at Bryan, who won’t let go of Kofi’s hand. That lets Kofi stomp away for a change and Bryan is done, setting up Trouble in Paradise to give Kofi the pin and the title at 23:41.

Rating: A-. I mean….they could have gone out there and demonstrated how to make a pimento loaf and it wouldn’t have mattered as long as they had that ending. That was a genuine Wrestlemania moment and you could feel what it meant to everyone. This was incredible and one of the best moments they could have had. Eleven years ago, Kofi had the worst debut match I’ve ever seen and now he’s WWE Champion at Wrestlemania. Not too shabby.

Post match Woods pulls off the cover and unveils the non-wooden title so Kofi can pose with the right design, already complete with custom side plates. Kofi’s kids come in to celebrate and now it’s time to open the present. It’s a new New Day shirt with Kofi holding the title.

We recap the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.

Bliss, now in a different outfit, goes in to see Jost and Che as they’re checked for injuries. She says don’t worry because they’re in good hands….because Scott Hall and Kevin Nash are the doctors? And giving them prostate exams? Am I missing a joke here?

Booker T. joins commentary.

US Title: Samoa Joe vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is challenging and I believe he’s dressed as Mysterio from Spider-Man. Joe goes straight at him and Rey hits a 619 in less than a minute. Rey’s wheelbarrow bulldog is countered into the Koquina Clutch….and Rey is out at 1:00. So I’m thinking he’s still a bit injured? Booker: “I DID ALL MY PREP WORK FOR THAT???”

Trailer for Batista’s new movie.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre. Reigns is back from leukemia and needed a first singles match. Drew took out both Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins and is promising to do the same to Reigns tonight.

Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre

McIntyre is played to the ring by the New York Police Department Bagpipe Band. Reigns lowers his head to start and gets kicked in the face but what looked to be a powerslam is escaped. That means a legdrop to the back of the head over the middle rope but Drew is right back with the Glasgow Kiss. The chinlock has Reigns in more trouble until Drew takes him outside for a suplex, thereby upping the total amount of trouble.

The reverse Alabama Slam gives Drew two and he tells Reigns he should have said no. A flipping slam off the top has Reigns down again as Drew tells him that he broke the Shield. The Future Shock (Drew: “THIS ONE IS FOR AMBROSE!”) is broken up so Drew slaps him in the face. A big boot sends Drew outside and it’s a Samoan drop on the floor. Back in and the jumping clothesline puts Drew down, followed by the Superman Punch to do it again. The spear finishes Drew at 10:10.

Rating: C-. Totally standard Raw main event with Drew trying but not having a prayer of winning. There’s only so much you can do when everything is against you like this and Drew tried as hard as he can. Just getting this spot is Drew’s big win of the night and that’s not the worst place to be. He’ll be back and do just fine because he’s that good.

Here’s Elias to play some drums rather well. Now he’s at a piano (teleporting from one to the other) and does quite splendidly there too. Now he’s in the middle of the ring with his guitar. Elias the drummer and Elias the piano player play him in and he continues to have chops. Piano and Drum take a bow and now guitar Elias is on his own. The fans sing a little OH WALK WITH ELIAS and Elias promises more versions of himself, including a harpsichord player. As he starts his song, a SPECIAL BULLETIN appears on screen showing….the 1932 World Series?

Babe Ruth calls his shot (yes he did) and hits a home run….and here’s John Cena to Basic Thuganomics. Well you know the Yankees gear is making his skin crawl. Cena says Elias got the worst deal because John Cena is about to turn heel. He feels like he’s watching one of his movies because this whole thing sucks.

Cena isn’t feeling it because this is a wasted wrestling experiment. Cena: “They call me the golden shovel so I’m about to bury your push.” He throws him some nuts and says there’s no AA today, but here’s an FU. Cena lays him out with the knuckles and plants him with the FU. This worked well as Cena is often at his best when he’s making fun of himself.

We recap Batista vs. HHH. Batista wanted one more match with HHH to end their careers on his terms so he beat up Ric Flair to get HHH’s attention. The match is on and it’s No Holds Barred.

Shawn Michaels is on commentary.

Batista vs. HHH

No Holds Barred with HHH’s career on the line. Batista slips through the ropes on the way into the ring before heading outside to glare at Shawn. He even walks around the ring and does his entrance again, this time without the slipping. HHH’s entrance video seems to be inspired by Mad Max and shows a road race. The stage opens up and the car drives out with HHH on the back. I’ve seen worse.

Batista drives him into the corner to start but gets elbowed out to the floor. They fight to the floor with HHH going over the announcers’ table but managing to pull out a tool box to hit Batista in the head. Now it’s a chain to whip Batista in the back and choke a bit before going for some pliers. Batista’s finger gets bent back and HHH stomps on the pliers to make it even worse. Now it’s time for some needle nose pliers, but first he sits in a chair on Batista’s throat. HHH: “THAT’S A NICE NOSE RING!” And then he rips it out with the pliers!

Graves: “Batista won’t be able to be a guardian of the house like this! This guy is my boss!” Batista heads to the floor (Shawn: “His nose is bleeding!” Graves: “YOU THINK???”) and drops HHH onto the announcers’ table three times in a row without breaking the thing. Some chairs to the back keep HHH in trouble and they head back inside with Batista busting out a White Noise of all things.

Back to the floor with Batista putting the steps onto an announcers’ table and clearing off a second one, complete with a point to Shawn. The Batista Bomb off the steps is countered with a backdrop and the table STILL doesn’t break. Good grief where have those tables been all these years? HHH gets up, throws a crotch chop, and spears Batista through the German table. They slowly get back inside and HHH (eventually) finds a sledgehammer.

That just earns him a spear for two but a charge with the hammer is cut off by HHH’s raised boot. The spinebuster connects and it’s time for the Batista Bomb, with HHH dropping the hammer on his way down. That gets two and Batista brings the steps inside. He takes too long punching in the corner (right in front of the steps because wrestlers never learn) and gets powerbombed down onto the steps.

The Pedigree….only gets two as this keeps going. Batista gets in a DDT onto the steps and things stop again but here’s Ric Flair (I was waiting on him) to hand HHH a sledgehammer. HE COULDN’T DO THIS TEN MINUTES AGO??? HHH uses the steps to launch into a sledgehammer shot to the head but Batista pops back up so he can eat the Pedigree for the pin at 24:49. You know, because a JUMPING HAMMER TO THE HEAD isn’t enough to pin someone.

Rating: D+. The first ten minutes of this was very good but, as tends to be the case for almost any HHH match anymore, it went on too long because there was way too much laying around between moves. The ending looked ridiculous as well but that’s another situation. What they did early on was entertaining and brutal (that pliers thing was nuts) but I was looking at the clock near the end, which happens way too often.

Alexa Bliss (outfit #3) has the B Team model AND STILL CHAMPION Daniel Bryan shirts. Ron Simmons comes in for the cameo.

JBL joins commentary.

Kurt Angle vs. Baron Corbin

No Angle video package? Angle snaps off a belly to belly suplex but gets taken down early on. The rolling German suplexes give Kurt two but the Angle Slam is broken up for a big boot. The ankle lock is countered into Deep Six for two and Corbin is already getting frustrated. Kurt hits the Angle Slam for two but Corbin is right back and says You Can’t See Me. That odd taunt lets Angle roll some more German suplexes….and Kurt goes up. The moonsault misses as it always does…and the End of Days gives Corbin the pin at 6:00.

Rating: F. The idea of Kurt Angle losing to Baron Corbin in his last match is a failure. Not because it’s Angle last match. Not because the match wasn’t good. Not because WHY? But because we now have to deal with more Baron Corbin on Raw as more fans’ heads explode as we try to figure out what WWE sees in him. I’m sure this was Angle’s decision and while I can respect that, someone named McMahon should have overridden him.

Post match Angle wants his music played one last time so we can get in one more YOU SUCK. That’s exactly what he gets, as he should.

Intercontinental Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Finn Balor

Lashley, with special contacts in, is defending and Balor is the Demon, making its Wrestlemania debut. Balor hits a spinwheel kick and ax kick to the back, followed by a dropkick to put him on the floor. There’s the big flip dive but Lashley catches him with a spinebuster back inside. Lashley hits a heck of a spear through the ropes to drive Balor to the floor, followed by a regular one for two back inside. Balor gets back up and powerbombs Lashley (good one too) and the Coup de Grace gives Balor the title back at 4:04.

Rating: C. The spots were good (that spear was awesome) and the powerbomb looked awesome, but the problem is they didn’t need to do the Demon here. I get why they did it and it makes sense to do it at Wrestlemania, but at the same time what’s the point in having him do it if he can already beat Lashley and Lio Rush? It’s a good enough match, but this story was them trading the title and then the Demon doing what regular Balor could do.

Alexa (#4) announces the new WWE attendance record of 82,265. She thinks we need a break though so here are R-Truth and Carmella for the world’s largest dance break.

Wrestlemania XXXVI is in Tampa Bay on April 5, 2020.

We recap the women’s triple threat match. Becky Lynch has become the people’s champion, Charlotte is the Smackdown Women’s Champion and the corporate pick and Ronda Rousey is the Raw Women Champion and the unstoppable force. Tonight is winner take all for both belts, but it’s much more about the history because the match is actually headlining the show.

Raw Women’s Title/Smackdown Women’s Title: Ronda Rousey vs. Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch

Ronda is Raw Women’s Champion and Charlotte is Smackdown Women’s Champion….and she comes in via helicopter and lands in the parking lot, where a red carpet is rolled out for her in a Horseman homage. Since she has to walk a good ways into the stadium, here are Joan Jett and the Blackhearts to play Ronda to the ring. The bell rings at 12:01am and Becky goes straight for the Disarm-Her on Ronda but gets shoved away so they can all head outside.

That means a Piper’s Pit for both of them and Ronda starts the trash talk. Charlotte gets up and sends Rousey into the barricade, setting up a showdown with Charlotte inside. The Disarm-Her to Becky is broken up and it’s Ronda coming back in to kick Becky in the face. A double powerbomb over the top is countered into a double armbar on Becky and Charlotte. Becky escapes and dropkicks Ronda to the floor for a NASTY crash on her back. Charlotte Downward Spirals Becky into the buckle for two as we look at Rousey landing square on her back again.

Becky is right back with the Disarm-Her but Ronda comes back to life and makes the save. A running knee breaks up the armbar on Becky and Charlotte hits a double Natural Selection for two each. Becky gets sent outside so Charlotte chops Ronda, who tells her to bring it. That’s just what Charlotte does with a backhand to the face so Ronda hits a jumping knee, which is countered into a Liontamer. Becky breaks it up with a bulldog and hits a double DDT for two each.

A super Bexploder gets two on Charlotte, setting up a double high crossbody from Rousey. The double armbar is countered with a double powerbomb Ronda is done for the moment. Becky calls Charlotte to her and avoids a charge, letting Becky kick her to the floor. The Disarm-Her goes on and Rousey uses the ropes to stand up for the break. A missed charge lets Becky get the Disarm-Her in the corner until Charlotte’s big boot breaks it up.

Charlotte starts in on Rousey’s knee and gets the Figure Four but Becky comes off the top with a legdrop for the save. And now, a table because that’s what this match was calling for. Rousey breaks up a powerbomb through the table and turns the table over, saying tables are for b****** (at least the third time she’s used that word so far). Charlotte comes back in for a double spear as Cole’s voice is almost gone.

The table is set up in the corner and Charlotte gets two off a spear to Becky. Rousey gets back up and helps Becky drive Charlotte somewhat through the table to knock her outside. The fight is on and Rousey goes with a Shining Wizard and tries Piper’s Pit….but gets reversed into a crucifix to give Becky the pin and the titles at 22:27!

Rating: B. The ending was straight out of Angle vs. Benoit at Wrestlemania XVII with the submission attempts all match until the quick pinfall. What matters here is Becky defeated Rousey to win the titles as she should have. That was how this show needed to end and it did, even if the ending could have been a bit smoother. Charlotte will be fine and I’m curious to see who goes after Becky as the first victim.

Replays show Rousey’s shoulders were WAY up so there’s your story going forward (if Rousey sticks around). Cole: “Tonight will forever be known as WrestleMANia!” Oh just stop dude. Pyro and posing takes us out.

Overall Rating: B-. Let’s get the things I got wrong out of the way first. First: this was WAY better than I was expecting after last year’s near nightmare of a show. Second: they actually did give us three happy endings, which I said several times would not happen. I’m very glad to be wrong on that, but I certainly was wrong. Third: yeah HHH vs. Batista went on too long and it brought things down. I had high hopes and they didn’t come through.

Now for the good stuff: the right people won (mostly) and the big matches all went to the right people. For the first time in way too long, we had something to cheer about. If that’s it for Lesnar at the moment, thank goodness because he needs to go away for a long time and leave the title here. Rollins will be fine as champion for the summer before someone wins Money in the Bank and takes it from him (It’s going to be Corbin isn’t it?). Becky winning was the right way to go also, even if the ending was a little rushed. There’s one big one left though.

Kofi Kingston is WWE Champion. That was one of the best moments I’ve seen WWE put on in years and might pass Bryan in New Orleans. It felt special and you don’t get that often enough, mainly because there was serious doubt if they could actually pull the trigger. I loved that moment and was happier than I’ve been at something in a long time. I’d have loved to see it close the show, but I get why they couldn’t go there. Incredible moment though.

Overall, the pacing was FAR better than what they’ve had in recent years and while there was a lot of stuff they needed to trim down (despite having multiple matches go less than five minutes), it didn’t drag nearly as bad as it has before. It still needs to be shorter by about an hour (at least) and not everyone needs to be on the show, but for what we got, it was one of the better shows in recent memory and we got a genuine Wrestlemania moment. Well done, and it was close to being great.

Results

Seth Rollins b. Brock Lesnar – Stomp

AJ Styles b. Randy Orton – Phenomenal Forearm

Usos b. The Bar, Aleister Black/Ricochet and Shinsuke Nakamura/Rusev – Double Us to Sheamus

Shane McMahon b. The Miz – McMahon pinned Shane after a superplex off a camera tower

IIconics b. Boss N Hug Connection, Nia Jax/Tamina and Beth Phoenix/Natalya – Super Glam Slam to Bayley

Kofi Kingston b. Daniel Bryan – Trouble in Paradise

Samoa Joe b. Rey Mysterio – Koquina Clutch

Roman Reigns b. Drew McIntyre – Spear

HHH b. Batista – Pedigree

Baron Corbin b. Kurt Angle – End of Days

Finn Balor b. Bobby Lashley – Coup de Grace

Becky Lynch b. Ronda Rousey and Charlotte – Crucifix to Rousey

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Wrestlemania XXVIII
Date: April 1, 2012
Location: Sun Life Stadium, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 78,363
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

As big as HHH vs. Undertaker is, everything pales in comparison to Rock vs. Cena. This was the biggest match since Rock vs. Austin’s heyday and the money it brought in more than validated an entire year spent setting everything up. There’s no way the match isn’t going to be great and everyone was ready to see it. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Primo/Epico vs. Tyson Kidd/Justin Gabriel

Primo and Epico (Carlito and Primo’s cousin) are defending and this is one fall to a finish. Primo, Jey and Kidd start things off and you have to tag your partner. Kidd sends Primo to the floor and jumps into a rollup for two. The champs start stomping Tyson gets caught in a DDT for two more. Primo loads up a superplex on Jey but Kidd springboards up to make it a Tower of Doom in a cool spot.

Jimmy and Epico get hot tags and everything breaks down. Jey throws Gabriel up for a Samoan drop but Justin kicks out. Epico gets backdropped over the top and out onto Primo, setting up a dive from Jey. Gabriel moonsaults out onto all three of them, leaving only Jimmy on his feet. Jimmy throws Gabriel back in for a cover, only to have Epico come in for a Backstabber to Jimmy for the pin at 5:11.

Rating: C. Fun tag match here and much better than most of the pre-show matches in recent years. Epico and Primo certainly weren’t great champions by any stretch but there were far worse options out there. This wasn’t meant to revitalize the division or anything but it was very suitable for a quick match to fire the crowd up.

Lillian Garcia sings America the Beautiful. The show is outside again and the stadium looks amazing.

The opening video shows the paths that Cena and Rock took to get here in a really nice concept. We also see the montage of Wrestlemania moments before focusing on HHH vs. Undertaker as the last of a generation. Just like two years earlier, they’re making no secret of the fact that this is a two match card.

World Heavyweight Championship: Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus

Notice that the Raw and Smackdown names have been dropped as the Brand Split officially ended in August 2011. Sheamus is challenging after winning the 2012 Royal Rumble and choosing to fight Bryan, who won the title by cashing in a Money in the Bank contract at Tables, Ladders and Chairs 2011. Bryan also has his girlfriend AJ Lee with him. The bell rings, Bryan kisses AJ, and it’s a Brogue Kick to give us a new champion at 18 seconds. That fall would haunt Bryan for over a year and indirectly lead to his rise up the card which we’ll get to later.

Team Johnny (as in John Laurinitis, one of McMahon’s longtime yes men) is ready for the ten man tag later tonight. Miz tries to captain the team but they’re not interested in listening. David Otunga (a wrestling lawyer) introduces Johnny in his white suit. Johnny talks about what a big moment this is going to be, just like Austin not submitting and Hogan slamming Andre. There’s no punchline or anything here and it’s just building up the match later. It’s Team Johnny vs. Team Teddy with the winning GM controlling both shows.

Kane vs. Randy Orton

Kane is upset that he shook Randy’s hand last year after a street fight and needs to become a monster again. Cole explained that as Kane made his entrance and it was simple, to the point, and told you everything you need to know. Why is that so hard the rest of the year? The fans chant for Bryan as the sun is starting to set.

Orton pounds him down to start and loads up the elevated DDT (which Cole calls a bulldog), only to get draped over the top rope. A big boot to the face sets up a chinlock as the match slows down a bit. Kane’s side slam gets two more and we hear a weak BORING chant. Orton gets taken down in a vertical suplex and Kane puts on his third chinlock of the match. They get back up and Orton hooks his backbreaker, followed by the elevated DDT (AGAIN called a bulldog by Cole).

It’s Kane up first though and he tries the top rope clothesline, only to dive into the dropkick. The Punt is countered into a chokeslam for two (Do they really need to have finishers kicked out of so often? This is a midcard match, not a main event.) so Kane heads up top. Orton breaks it up and tries the superplex, only to get countered into a super chokeslam to give Kane the pin at 10:57.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t bad and it’s nice to see Orton lose a match after getting dominated and not just nail a quick RKO for the pin. You can tell this is designed to set up a bunch of rematches, which is part of the problem with Wrestlemania: it should be the big ending to a feud, not the start of one. I liked this more the first time around but the chinlocks really hold it back on another viewing.

Santino Marella talks to a cast member from Deadliest Catch and Mick Foley is there eating crabs while talking like a pirate. Mr. Socko and the Cobra make cameo appearances and destroy the crabs until Ron Simmons comes in for his catchphrase.

Intercontinental Title: Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show

Show is challenging but more importantly he’s in search of his Wrestlemania moment. Cody had made fun of him for weeks over being a joke at Wrestlemania because in this universe, Wrestlemania XVI where Big Show was in the main event doesn’t exist. Yeah he lost quick but how many main events has Cody been in? Cole makes it even worse by saying Show has won some tag matches but was never involved in the pinfall victory. I guess that quick match last year doesn’t count either.

Cody gets Show to chase him to start but dives into Show’s arms, meaning it’s time for the beating to begin. There are the loud chops in the corner and Show adds a Stinkface to make up for some of the humiliation. Cody comes back with a series of dropkicks, including one to the leg for a smart move.

Show gets his leg cranked as Cole says he isn’t as big when he’s on the mat. As usual, this is inaccurate. Actually Show is the same size but he can’t use it to his advantage. I know it’s stupid but that always gets on my nerves. Show fights up and the Disaster Kick doesn’t even knock him down. Cody tries another but gets “speared” (more like a shoulder block which went very low), followed by the WMD (KO Punch) for the pin and the title at 5:20.

Rating: D. So Big Show has the title now, but I guess the whole Wrestlemania moment is the real prize. It’s not like the title had meant anything in years anyway so that makes as much sense as anything else. It makes more sense than saying being in the main event of a Wrestlemania doesn’t count as a major moment at least.

Video on what it means to be a WWE Diva, which seems to translate to wearing very little clothing and dancing a lot.

We recap the Divas tag match. Kelly Kelly had been a guest on Maria Menunos’ (a good looking TV host) Extra when Eve Torres and Beth Phoenix came in and said they should be interviewed. The solution was a tag match of course.

Maria Menunos/Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix/Eve Torres

Beth is Divas Champion (and has wings on her head for no apparent reason) while Maria has cracked ribs and stress fractures in her feet. A quick rollup gets two for Kelly but her cartwheel into an elbow hits feet to the legs. Eve’s moonsault is broken up and Maria comes in for a double Stinkface. Off to a bodyscissors on Maria until Beth comes in for a bearhug from the side.

Eve tries another dancing moonsault but gets kicked out to the floor, allowing for the tag off to Kelly. The screaming headscissors puts Beth down and a top rope seated senton gets two. Beth’s Glam Slam is countered into a bulldog (actually a bulldog this time) and the tag is made to the still injured Maria. Kelly saves her from getting slammed and Maria rolls Beth up for the pin at 6:50.

Rating: D+. I know Kelly is supposed to be this big deal but her theme song is still about hollering in a club to a hot beat. Then you have the Divas Champion lose to a celebrity, who to be fair was clearly trying. The match could have been worse but the division was just dying at this point and this was great proof. Watchable match, horrible ending. You really can’t have Eve get pinned here? Really? Also: only Maria would be involved with the next Wrestlemania.

Shawn Michaels says this next match will be the end of an era. It’s ironic that he gets to decide which era that will be.

The attendance record is announced.

Jim Ross, now with a goatee, comes out to do commentary.

There’s no recap for the Cell match (if you were watching the show you probably knew the story already) but as I said it’s the final chapter in the story between these three men. HHH wanted one more shot at the Streak (though the way he talked you would think he already broke it) and Undertaker agreed if it was inside the Cell. Shawn is guest referee to add some more drama.

Undertaker vs. HHH

Inside Hell in a Cell with Shawn as guest referee. Shawn takes a quick lap around the stage before coming to the ring. HHH comes out through a miniature set designed like a war helmet and shoulder pads. Undertaker’s hair now now shaved into a mohawk with the first reveal coming here, much to the crowd’s shock. The Cell is lowered to The Memory Remains by Metallica, allowing JR to talk about how the Cell is morally corrupt.

Undertaker slugs him down to start (with carcinogenic right hands according to JR) and HHH can’t hang in a fist fight. They head outside instead with Undertaker backdropping him onto the floor. The announcers talk about how this is the end of an era and we’ll never return to it. Undertaker sends him into the cage as Cole’s latest stat is HHH winning every match in which Shawn is a guest referee. So he’s what: 2 or 3-0?

Back in and the facebuster has no effect on Undertaker and it’s Old School putting HHH down again. The steps off HHH’s head surprisingly don’t draw blood. The apron legdrop keeps HHH in trouble before we get to the real violence. HHH finally gets in a DDT for a breather but the Pedigree onto the steps is quickly broken up. The spinebuster onto the steps works a lot better and Undertaker is in trouble.

HHH walks right into Hell’s Gate from the steps so he lifts Undertaker up (JR: “Sinful strength by HHH!”) into a powerbomb onto the mat for the save. The steps are sent to the floor and it’s time for the chair shots to Undertaker’s back. Shawn tries to pull HHH off but JR accurately says that there are no rules (unfortunately with no strange word choices). Michaels tries to talk Undertaker into quitting (out of sympathy, not cheating) but Undertaker demands that it not be stopped.

That earns him a chair to the ribs and the back for a pretty slow two count. HHH goes to get more weapons and tells Shawn to end it before he does. That means sledgehammer time but Undertaker says keep it going. There’s a sledgehammer shot to the face for two (we’re getting close to that ridiculous point). Shawn breaks up another one to the back of the head to avoid being a murder witness and thinks about calling the match to save Undertaker.

You don’t threaten the Undertaker though so he chokes Shawn out to break it up. That earns him another sledgehammer to the head but there’s no referee. Undertaker is still able to kick HHH low, despite probably having about 18 concussions at once. The Hell’s Gate has HHH in trouble and here’s another referee to take Shawn’s place. A chokeslam gets two so Undertaker chokeslams the new referee (barely getting him above shoulder high).

Shawn gets back up and superkicks Undertaker into the Pedigree for maybe the hottest near fall of all time, sending Shawn nearly into tears in the corner. I totally and completely bought that it was over on that cover. HHH gets the sledgehammer and throws an intervening Shawn to the floor…..and Undertaker sits up with that look in his eye. You can take your Brock Lesnar, your old school Vader, your Mankind and your Mr. McMahon at his craziest. For me, ticked off Undertaker is the scariest thing in wrestling.

The big boot and Snake Eyes set up a Tombstone for a very close two and Undertaker’s adrenaline comes to a sudden stop. They slug it out from their knees and then their feet until a quick Pedigree gets two. Shawn is still on the verge of tears. Undertaker sits up again but falls when he tries to get to his feet. HHH gets the sledgehammer again but Undertaker steps on it before unloading on HHH with a chair.

The chair is bent over HHH’s back and now Shawn has to try to stop Undertaker. All those shots are only good for two and Shawn begs HHH to stop. HHH tries to get the sledgehammer back up but Undertaker easily blocks a swing. Barely able to stand in the corner, HHH fires off a crotch chop as Shawn turns his head. A sledgehammer to the head means it’s time for the straps to come down and the Tombstone finally ends HHH at 30:54.

Rating: A+. What a ride. Those are the first words to come to my head after seeing this again because that went from one end of the roller coaster to another with every kind of emotion you could find in the middle. This is one of the best stories ever told in a match and a perfect way to conclude a four year saga between these three men. I’m glad the Streak didn’t end here, but that superkick into the Pedigree had me ready to believe that it was over. This is an absolute masterpiece and the definition of wrestling as art. There’s nothing left for these three to do and they left it all in the ring. See this if you haven’t before.

Shawn has to pull Undertaker up as HHH is still unconscious. They eventually help HHH out and get him up the ramp where they all hug to truly end this in a show of respect. That’s what the entire story was based on, even if they went to war for years. It was never a war based on hatred and it’s very good that they showcased that at the end.

We get the Hall of Fame video from last night with the Four Horsemen being inducted as a team so Flair could be put in twice. This wound up biting them though as Flair was officially still under contract to TNA so WWE had to send Christian to Slammiversary 2012 as compensation (while Christian was still Intercontinental Champion).

Here’s the Class of 2012: Mil Mascaras, Yokozuna (represented by his children), Ron Simmons, the Four Horsemen (Flair, Arn Anderson, JJ Dillon, Tully Blanchard and Barry Windham. I believe it’s just this incarnation and not the group as a whole), Mike Tyson and Edge.

Heath Slater wants to sing a duet with Florida (“That’s Flo Rida.”) but Rida isn’t interested in any sort of partnership. Slater gets beaten up.

Team Teddy vs. Team Johnny

Teddy: Santino Marella, R-Truth, Kofi Kingston, Zack Ryder, Great Khali, Booker T.

Johnny: David Otunga, Mark Henry, Dolph Ziggler, Drew McIntyre, Jack Swagger, The Miz

The winner’s team gets to run both shows. Johnny has Vickie Guerrero and Brie Bella, Teddy has Hornswoggle, Eve Torres, Brie Bella and Aksana (Teddy’s would-be girlfriend). Ryder is fresh off becoming a grassroots hero who won the US Title, only to lose it all (presumably because he isn’t what WWE wanted as a star, as brilliant an idea as that is). Johnny is in a white suit and red tie, making him look like a thin Colonel Sanders. All of the wrestlers (including Captains Otunga and Marella (US Champion)) are in red or blue shirts.

Kofi and Ziggler start (makes sense as they’ve fought literally about thirty times on TV alone over the years) with Kofi grabbing a headlock and bringing in Truth for a double hiptoss. Ziggler comes back with a dropkick and it’s off to Drew as Cole and Lawler bicker over who would be the better GM.

Khali comes in for the big chops before handing it off to Booker (a last minute addition to the team) for two off a side slam. Booker gets in trouble though and it’s time for the face in peril (along with Vickie screaming). Mark comes in and throw Booker into the corner before Miz comes in, much to Cole’s delight. Booker fights out of a chinlock as the discussion turns to Vickie’s looks.

The World’s Strongest Slam drops Booker and everything breaks down. A double flapjack drops Khali but Kofi, Ryder and Truth hit triple flip dives to take out most of Team Johnny. Aksana and Vickie brawl which gets the Bellas into it. The hot tag brings in Santino to clean house, including his saluting top rope headbutt.

There’s the Cobra to Miz (Cole: “Oh my God, oh my God.”) but Ziggler breaks it up at two. Ryder comes in and takes down Miz and Ziggler, including a Rough Ryder (leg lariat) to Dolph. Eve gets in the ring for no apparent reason other than to distract Ryder, allowing Miz to hit the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin on Zack at 10:38.

Rating: D+. Big mess here but that triple dive was really cool looking. This was another step towards Ryder’s complete burial after he ran from Kane, was destroyed by Kane, lost his US Title and lost Eve (the woman of his dreams) a few months ago. It was depressing how bad things got for him and he never recovered. As you probably guessed, this was your annual get everyone on the show match.

Eve kicks Ryder low to make sure you get the idea: don’t cheer for people WWE doesn’t pick.

Alex Rodriguez and Torrie Wilson are here.

Wrestlemania week video.

CM Punk is ready to defend his WWE World Title but Johnny comes up to say the title can change hands on a DQ.

We recap Jericho vs. Punk. Jericho returned again and accused Punk of ripping him off when Punk called himself the best in the world. Punk eliminated him from the Elimination Chamber by knocking Jericho out due to injury without pinning him. Jericho then won a battle royal to earn this shot and started accusing Punk’s family of being a bunch of alcoholics and drug addicts. That’s too much for Punk and now he’s out for blood.

WWE World Title: CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho

Punk is defending if that wasn’t clear and he can lose the title on a DQ, just in case they didn’t hammer the idea in well enough at Wrestlemania XXV. The champ takes it to the mat to start before taking Jericho down again with a knee to the ribs. Jericho gets sent into the corner where he shouts “HOW’S YOUR FATHER” to send Punk over the edge again. Punk beats him down again but the threat of the top rope elbow sends Jericho to the floor.

That’s fine with Punk as he dives onto Jericho, who then asks about Punk’s sister. Punk grabs a chair but opts to kick Jericho in the ribs instead. Just like three years ago, these pauses are killing the flow of the match. A quick dropkick gives Jericho a breather and he suplexes Punk over the top and out to the floor for a big crash. You don’t often see that work. Jericho starts working on the back to set up the Walls with a kick to the spine and a backsplash for two. A double arm crank keeps Punk in trouble until he dropkicks Jericho into the corner.

The running knee in the corner sets up the bulldog but Jericho slams him down instead. Punk has to counter the Walls and gets two off the high kick to the head. The Macho Elbow hits Jericho’s knees though and a Codebreaker puts Punk on the floor. Back in and a GTS out of nowhere gets two (no way a title match ends on the first finisher). Jericho drapes him ribs first over the top rope and the Lionsault gets two. Cole: “Not often you see somebody kick out of the Lionsault.” I don’t remember the last time it pinned someone.

The Walls have Punk in trouble but he makes the ropes as you would expect. A knee to the head staggers Jericho but Punk springboards into another Codebreaker for another two. Punk kicks him down again and tries the GTS (Punk: “BEST IN THE WORLD!”), only to be countered into the Liontamer (kneeling Boston crab) and then the Walls. Punk counters into a small package and then the Anaconda Vice. Jericho counters THAT with knees to the head but can’t hook the Walls again, allowing Punk to hook the Vice (and duck his head this time) for the tap out at 22:20.

Rating: B+. This got so much better once they got away from the stupid DQ stuff (which would be remedied at the next pay per view with an awesome street fight). I really don’t get the thinking behind the DQ idea. I know it’s the evil GM screwing with Punk but it cripples whatever the match could get going. Either let them do the violent stuff that fits the story or just have it be an awesome match like they’re clearly capable of having. This half and half stuff almost never works and this only succeeded because of how good both guys are.

Wrestlemania XXIX is in New Jersey.

Here’s the still mostly new Funkasaurus Brodus Clay to tell us to call our mamas. Brodus calls his own mama and finds out that she’s here, complete with the bridge club. Cue mama and said bridge club (all a bunch of older women (clearly in makeup) and matching dresses) for a massive dance number. This got twelve times the length that Sheamus vs. Bryan had.

Video on G.I. Joe 2, which wasn’t released for over a year due to re-shoots.

After all that, we recap John Cena vs. the Rock. This has been built up for over a year now and both guys have spent so much time heavily insulting each other that it actually is epic, as described by a bunch of legends in the video. Several years back, Cena had been on a radio show where he talked about Rock saying he loved WWE and then leaving. Cena on the other hand was here every single day because this is what he loved more than anything.

This turned into a back and forth war until Rock finally returned over a year ago. This is the match that has been set up by both guys trading huge bombs on the mic with Rock saying Cena wasn’t serious enough and Cena calling Rock out for using wrestling to become an actor. They flat out did not like each other and made that very clear, setting up this match as the biggest in a generation, which it certainly was. The tagline for the match and the show: Once in a Lifetime.

Since we haven’t dragged it out enough, here are Machine Gun Kelly and Skylar Grey to perform the show’s theme song and define the word underdog.

John Cena vs. The Rock

Cena is booed out of Miami the second his music hits. And wait again because here’s Flo Rida to perform two songs and eat up even more time. Of note: he has a bunch of backup dancers, who I’m assuming are the bridge club after a costume change. After that eats up WAY too much time, Rock’s ovation is thunderous. Ignore him having to walk through the posing dancers to look out at the people. They talk trash after the big match intros and we finally get the opening bell, nearly twenty minutes after the video package began.

We get the big lockup and Cena shoves him away. Rock does the same as we’re firmly in Hogan vs. Warrior territory so far. Some quick armdrags and a majistral cradle get two for Rock, sending Cena into the corner with a stunned look on his face. Rock can’t get a Sharpshooter and Cena bails to the floor for a breather.

Back in and Cena takes Rock’s head off with a clothesline for one and we hit a bearhug on the mat. That goes nowhere so they head to the floor with Rock being dropped ribs first over the barricade. Cena stays on them with a belly to belly and now it’s off to a bearhug. Rock fights back with right hands and the spinebuster but Cena grabs the leg for the STF to break up the People’s Elbow. He can’t get the hold on so it’s a ProtoBomb instead, followed by the Shuffle.

Back up and it’s a double clothesline to give us another breather. Another slugout goes to Rock but he tries his own You Can’t See Me and walks into the AA for two. The Rock Bottom gets the same but Cena comes back with a side slam. The top rope Fameasser gets another two and both guys are spent. Something like a spear (it was supposed to be a spinebuster) sets up the Sharpshooter (with Rock pulling back with his hands instead of his arm), only to have Cena quickly make it to the ropes.

Rock sends him hard into the steps to keep Cena in trouble but he grabs the STF (with almost no torque). The hold stays on WAY too long and Rock starts to fade, even drawing an arm check. Rock finally makes the ropes after about two minutes and grabs a Samoan drop to get a breather.

The AA is countered into a spinebuster (Rock might have said “Yabba dabba” on the way down) and the People’s Elbow for a really close near fall. A catapult of all things sends Rock into the buckle (as opposed to a Buick sending him into it), only to have Rock break up a superplex. Rock goes nuts with a high cross body but Cena counters into an AA for two more. With nothing else working, Cena tries his own People’s Elbow but charges into the Rock Bottom for the pin at 30:54.

Rating: A. Just because it’s not quite as good as the Cell. That was the main event of Wrestlemania. What else can you ask for from these two, especially after all this build and the Rock having one match in eight years? This was almost all about the atmosphere coming in and then they had a great match on top of it. It’s one of the best main events ever and certainly one of the biggest, which is exactly what it needed to be.

So did the right guy win? I really don’t think so the more I look at it. Everything that Cena had said over the year was true: win or lose, Rock was going back to Hollywood to star in another blockbuster so why should he win here? It really doesn’t help Cena either as he got beat by a guy who hasn’t wrestled in eight years, though at the same time I don’t want to imagine how bad the reaction would have been if Rock had lost in his hometown. I would have gone with Cena, though I think I can understand their reasons behind going with Rock. Maybe.

Now for the second iconic image of the show: Rock poses on the ropes and Cena sits on the ramp, totally lost.

Overall Rating: B+. This is almost all about the two main events which ate up nearly half the show when you consider buildup and fallout. Those two matches were both home runs and that’s all you need to make this a good show. Jericho vs. Punk is good but not great….and that’s about the extent of the positives on the show. Everything else is just ok at best but again, nearly two hours of great is more than you get on several months of shows most of the time, which easily makes this a very good show.

Ratings Comparison

Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Kane vs. Randy Orton

Original: B-

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: C-

Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Kelly Kelly/Maria Menunos vs. Beth Phoenix/Eve Torres

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

HHH vs. Undertaker

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2015 Redo: A+

Team Johnny vs. Team Teddy

Original: C

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk

Original: A

2013 Redo: A

2015 Redo: B+

The Rock vs. John Cena

Original: B+

2013 Redo: A+

2015 Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A

2015 Redo: B+

The top matches on this card are as good as WWE has done in a long time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/04/01/wrestlemania-xxviii-one-of-the-best-shows-of-all-time/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/04/06/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xxviii-this-show-got-me-excited-all-over-again/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXVIII
Date: April 1, 2012
Location: Sun Life Stadium, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 78,363
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We wrap things up with this and a main event which no one ever thought we would see: John Cena vs. The Rock. This is one of if not the only match ever that I had to see. I didn’t know if it would be good or bad, but I needed to see it. The match was announced the night after the last Wrestlemania and was literally built for a year. On the undercard we have Punk vs. Jericho for the world title, Sheamus vs. Bryan for the other title and HHH vs. Undertaker inside the Cell. When that is a DISTANT second match, you know you’ve got something huge. Let’s get to it.

Lillian Garcia sings America the Beautiful.

The opening video is about how Cena and Rock’s lives have both built up to this moment and how this match is Once In A Lifetime. Oh and HHH vs. Undertaker is happening too.

Smackdown World Title: Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan

Sheamus won the Rumble to earn this show. We’re pre-beard for Bryan here which is weird to see anymore. The bell rings, Bryan kisses his girlfriend AJ, turns around into a Brogue Kick and we have a new champion in 18 seconds. That number would haunt Bryan for at least six months.

Team Johnny is fired up for the twelve man tag for later tonight. Miz brags about being in the main event last year but it’s Otunga who gets them to be quiet for a pep talk from Johnny Ace.

Win tickets to Wrestlemania 29!

Kane vs. Randy Orton

Kane had recently put the mask back on again and went after Orton to prove that he’s still evil because last summer he lost a street fight to Orton and then shook his hand. Why is it Orton who gets these months and years long backstories? The opener didn’t quite have its intended effect as the fans are chanting for Daniel Bryan. Kane takes over to start but the chokeslam is broken up by kicks to the ribs. Orton gets him down and stomps away but Kane reverses the Elevated DDT (called a bulldog by Cole) and takes over with a big boot.

Kane’s low dropkick gets a near fall and it’s off to a chinlock. Back up and they slug it out with Randy taking over. Kane will have none of that though and clotheslines Randy down for two. The side slam gets two more and it’s back to the chinlock. A swinging neckbreaker out of nowhere puts Kane down but the monster hits a vertical suplex for another two count. Off to chinlock #3 as the match slows down again.

Orton backflips out of another side slam and his backbreaker puts Kane down for a bit. There’s the powerslam and Orton is getting fired up. Kane goes shoulder first into the post and now the Elevated DDT hits (again called a bulldog by Cole). The RKO is countered into a big boot for two more for Kane but the top rope clothesline is blocked by a dropkick. Orton loads up the Punt but walks into a chokeslam for a close two. Another RKO is countered and Kane goes to the middle rope. Orton tries a superplex but Kane shrugs him off and hits a middle rope chokeslam for the upset win.

Rating: B-. I had always wanted to see these two have a match and I was pleased when I finally saw it. Kane can have a good match on a big stage when he needs to and that’s what he did here. Orton is bulletproof so it’s not like losing here means anything of note. This was a nice surprise and a good match with a big ending.

Santino is with Mick Foley in a sailor hat and a guy from the fishing show Deadliest Catch. They’re eating crabs and Foley makes bad pirate jokes. Socko and Cobra make appearances, as does Ron Simmons and I think you can get the joke from here.

Some National Guard people are here.

Intercontinental Title: Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show

Cody is defending and the idea here is that Big Show has never had a good Wrestlemania moment. You know, because winning a meaningless midcard title in 2012 is more important than main eventing the show in possibly the biggest and best year the company has ever had. During the entrance we get some “highlights” from Show’s career. Naturally the pin in the 8 man tag last year is never mentioned at all.

Cody runs to the floor to start but Show easily throws him back into the ring. There’s a beal across the ring and a hard chop in the corner, followed by a Stink Face for good measure. Cody comes back with some dropkicks to the knee and pounds away as much as he can. Rhodes pounds on Show’s back a bit and is LAUNCHED off on the kickout. The champion works on the knee a bit with a standing leg lock and a DDT to take it down. After some stomps to Show’s head, he shoves Cody away with ease but gets caught by the Disaster Kick. A second is countered with a spear though and the WMD makes Show the champion.

Rating: D+. What were you expecting here? At the end of the day, Cody has nothing that was going to keep Show down and with all the building up of the match about Show’s past embarrassments, there was only one way this could end. That and it’s only about five minutes so it didn’t have enough time to suck or anything. Not great but it was exactly what it was expect to be.

Video on what it means to be a Diva.

We recap the Divas tag. Kelly Kelly had been a guest on Extra with Maria Menunos when Eve and Beth came in and claimed they should be the guests. A tag match was made.

Eve Torres/Beth Phoenix vs. Maria Menunos/Kelly Kelly

Beth has….wings on her head? Kelly and the freshly heel Eve start things off with Kelly doing her screaming hurricanrana to take over. A handspring elbow hits Eve’s knee in the corner but Kelly breaks up a moonsault and knocks Eve into the Tree of Woe. Off to Maria for a double Stink Face, resulting in the famous stain on the back of Maria’s tights from Eve’s makeup.

Since Maria isn’t a wrestler, the beatdown on her begins quickly with Eve wrapping her up in a body vice. Off to Beth (in gold tonight) for a side bearhug as the match slows WAY down. Back to Eve for some quick double teaming but she takes too long with the shaky moonsault. It’s back to Kelly as things break down a bit. A top rope seated senton gets two on Beth and the Glam Slam is countered into a bulldog. Back to Maria who goes….up. After getting pulled down, Kelly breaks up a gorilla press and a rollup is enough for Maria to pin Beth.

Rating: D+. Four good looking women in tight outfits and one of them anchors a national television show. Do you really need a further explanation as to why this happened? The interesting note: of these four, Maria is the only one involved with Wrestlemania 29 and that’s as a Hall of Fame inductor.

Shawn Michaels, the guest referee inside the Cell, says either the Undertaker or HHH are done tonight.

New attendance record. As always.

Jim Ross comes out to do commentary for the Cell match.

HHH vs. Undertaker

This is inside Hell in a Cell with Shawn Michaels as guest referee. Undertaker basically became Batman in his cave and wanted a rematch to prove he could beat HHH. As in like he already did. This is also billed as End of an Era, but what era that was never actually became clear. The announcement of the Cell was perfect as HHH said he wanted one more thing, which was presumed to be Streak vs. career. It’s a good lesson in letting the feud set the stipulations, not the calendar. Undertaker debuts his new mohawk here to a gasp from the crowd. The Cell is lowered to Memory Remains by Metallica.

Taker pounds away into the corner to start with “carcinogenic” right hands according to JR. HHH pounds away as well but gets thrown out to the floor soon thereafter. HHH is sent into the Cell a few times and a backdrop puts him down on the floor again. Taker sends him into the steel over and over as it’s one sided so far. Now it’s the steps instead of the Cell with Taker in full control. Back in and a facebuster is no sold and down goes HHH again.

Old School connects and we head back outside again. Shawn isn’t a factor yet. The steps go upside HHH’s head and set up the apron legdrop. Back in and HHH hits a DDT, which somehow makes us completely even. The steps are in the ring now so HHH slams Taker’s head into them a few times. A Pedigree onto the steps is blocked with a backdrop but HHH comes back with a spinebuster onto the steps, only to get caught in the Hell’s Gate. In an impressive power display, HHH lifts Taker up into a powerbomb to break the hold and get two as well.

HHH throws in a pair of chairs and cracks one of them over Taker’s back. Taker is whipped into the steps in the corner before they’re sent to the outside. JR says there are no laws in the Cell. Other than you win by pin or submission and all that. HHH goes off with the chair, DESTROYING Undertaker Austin/Rock style. Shawn takes the chair away and tells HHH to cover Undertaker because he’s not going to quit. Trips takes the chair back and shoves Shawn down before pounding on Taker even more. He tells Shawn to end it before he does.

Taker says do not stop it as he’s getting back up. He turns around though and is hit in the ribs and back by the chair but it only gets two. HHH is starting to get frustrated so he hits Taker in the back with another chair and it’s time for more pathos with Taker saying don’t stop it. Cue the sledgehammer for a shot to the head for ANOTHER two. HHH (who is cut over the eye) has no idea what to do now.

The Game pulls up the hammer to slam it down onto Taker’s head but Shawn pulls it away to prevent the murder. Shawn is ready to stop it as Taker can barely move. Michaels raises his hand but Taker pulls him into the Hell’s Gate to stop him. Trips breaks it up with a hammer shot but Taker comes back with a low blow and Hell’s Gate on HHH. There’s no referee though and Taker lets it go from exhaustion with his opponent out cold.

Another referee comes in as Taker hits a last effort chokeslam for two. Taker chokeslams the referee (I believe that’s the same referee he beat up in 2001 against HHH as well) but walks into the superkick into the Pedigree…..FOR TWO! I lost my mind watching that live because I really thought it was over. Now HHH shoves Shawn to the floor and Taker sits up to scare the life out of HHH. Taker erupts on HHH with a big boot and running clothesline, setting up snake eyes and another boot.

The Tombstone connects but HHH is up at two. Shawn has no idea what to do as both guys are slowly getting up. They slug it out from their knees before getting to their feet for more HARD punches. Another Tombstone is countered into the Pedigree for a VERY close two. HHH goes for the hammer but Taker steps on it to stop him. A HARD chair shot to the back puts HHH down and another one keeps him down.

Some more chair shots get two on HHH so Shawn screams at them to end this. HHH tries a hammer shot to the face but Taker easily blocks it. They stare each other down and HHH gives Taker a crotch chop. Trips walks out of the corner into a hammer shot to the head. HHH tries to climb up Taker’s body but the strap comes down, the throat is slit, and the Tombstone makes it 20-0.

Rating: A+. This is another reason why I’m not so wild on last year’s match: they’re capable of SO much better and this is proof. This match told a great story with both guys destroying each other with Shawn being stuck in the middle and trying to figure out what do do in each situation. It’s a great match, it’s a great fight, and it’s pure emotion the entire time. Great stuff here, and most importantly of all: there were moments where I thought it was over. I never bought that as a possibility last year.

After a few moments on the mat, Taker sits up but falls right back down. He pulls himself up on Shawn and they embrace. HHH is still out cold. Shawn and Taker lift him up and carry him out of the ring. They embrace on the stage in one of the most iconic images you’ll ever see. You don’t often get to use that word, but it’s true in this case.

Send Slim Jims to soldiers! I love charity stuff, but it’s a big shift after what we just sat through.

We get clips of the Hall of Fame stuff from last night.

Here’s the live presentation of the 2012 class: Mil Mascaras, Yokozuna (represented by his kids), Ron Simmons, the Horsemen (including Flair, which set off a lawsuit since he was still under contract to TNA), Mike Tyson and Edge (who gets theme music but has short hair which is such an odd look for him). This was the breather that the fans needed.

Heath Slater tries to get a spot in Flo-Rida’s performance but gets turned and then shoved down. Hawkins and Reks laugh at Slater.

Team Johnny vs. Team Teddy

Johnny: Miz, Mark Henry, Drew McIntyre, Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler, David Otunga

Teddy: Kofi Kingston, Great Khali, R-Truth, Zack Ryder (with Eve), Booker T, Santino Marella

Each team has a Bella as a fan, the match is for total control of both brands, and Johnny is in a white suit. Oh and Vickie is with Johnny and Horny is with Teddy as the flag bearers. Otunga and Santino are team captains, because Miz and Booker aren’t good enough. Kofi and Dolph start things off for their usual solid sequence. Truth comes in for a double hiptoss and a dancing legdrop.

McIntyre comes in to pound on Truth but it’s quickly off to Khali to change momentum. It should also be mentioned that they’re in red and blue t-shirts with the GM’s on the front. Off to Booker to chop away on Drew and a superkick puts him down. Booker goes after the rest of Team Johnny but the numbers catch up with him, allowing Swagger to take over. Jack gets to beat on Kofi for a bit and it’s off to Henry. Mark pounds him down in the corner as the match slows way down.

Off to Miz with some knees to the chest and a boot to the face for two. We hit the chinlock for a bit but Booker comes back with a suplex for no cover. Ziggler comes in to break up the tag and drop some elbows for two. Everything starts breaking down as Henry hits the Slam on Booker but Khali chops him down. I can’t keep track of everything going on but Henry catches a diving Horny in mid-air.

The girls get in a brawl and there’s the hot tag to Santino to pound on Miz. The Cobra connects and Cole panics until Ziggler makes the save. Another hot tag brings in Ryder for the Rough Ryder for Dolph and a beatdown on everyone else. He loads up the Broski Boot but Eve gets in the ring as well. The referee tries to get her out and the distraction lets Miz hit the Skull Crushing Finale on Ryder for the pin, making Ace GM of both shows.

Rating: D+. As is the usual case with stuff like this, there was way too much going on to keep track of anything. There were something like 18 people involved in this whole thing and the ending was about Eve and her heel turn more than anything else. Ace would be GM for about four months or so while boring us to death against Cena. Not much to see here though due to the amount of people in the match.

Post match, Eve finally turns on Ryder for good, confirming him as the biggest loser in the WWE. Wasn’t Eve already a heel in the Divas tag? Why is this supposed to be shocking?

Alex Rodriguez and Torrie Wilson are here.

We get a video on the media blitz and activities for Wrestlemania week.

To celebrate winning, Laurinitis changes the Raw World Title match rules so that if Punk gets disqualified, Jericho wins the title.

Raw World Title: Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk

This is over who is the best in the world and Jericho claims that Punk is really an alcoholic and his family has a bunch of substance abuse issues. The buildup for this really was good stuff, even though this is nowhere near the main event. Punk takes it to the mat to start and fires off some kicks to the chest. He does the same with knees in the corner but stops when the referee gets to four. Jericho slaps him in the face and takes the beating like a man to try to get the DQ again.

Another few slaps have Punk in a frenzy but he holds off to avoid the DQ. A slam puts Jericho down but he rolls away before the Macho Elbow can be launched. Instead CM dives to the floor to take out Jericho, followed by a wicked smile. Jericho asks how Punk’s sister and father are but Punk doesn’t swing the chair he grabs. Punk charges into a pair of boots to the face and the challenger takes over.

They head to the apron and Punk tries a GTS, only to be clotheslined back into the ring. Jericho hooks a kind of Jackhammer to the floor for two back inside. We hit the chinlock but Punk fights up with a slap. Jericho comes right back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two and kicks the injured back again. Some hard kicks to the torso keep Punk in trouble but he fires off some strikes of his own. The champion goes up but is pulled back down to land hard on his back.

Punk escapes a bow and arrow hold and sidesteps a charge to send Jericho crotch first into the corner. A spinning neckbreaker gets two on Chris and there’s the running knee in the corner. Jericho counters the bulldog but has to stop the Lionsault to avoid knees. That counter is countered into a Walls attempt but Punk shakes him off for two. The Macho Elbow hits knees and Jericho hits the Codebreaker but it sends Punk out to the floor. Back in and Punk grabs a GTS out of nowhere for two.

Punk fires off the kicks and gets two off a quick powerslam. They trade German suplex grips but Punk gets dropped on the top rope to give Jericho control. The Lionsault gets two and Chris goes up, only to be chopped a lot to slow him down. The champion loads up a hurricanrana but gets countered into the Walls in one of Jericho’s classic counters. Punk finally makes the ropes and sends Jericho to the floor to set up the suicide dive.

Jericho staggers to his feet and Punk hits the running knee, crushing Jericho’s head against the post. They head back in and somehow Jericho grabs the Codebreaker out of nowhere for two. Back up and Jericho pounds away on Punk in the corner, only to go up again and get kicked down. The GTS is countered into the Liontamer (the kneeling version of the Walls) in the middle of the ring but shifts it to the regular Walls.

Jericho has to pull him away from the ropes and Punk escapes into dueling small packages. CM rolls through again into the Anaconda Vice but Jericho knees Punk in the back of the head to escape. The Walls don’t work again and Punk hooks another Vice, this time tucking his head in to avoid the knees. Jericho is trapped and finally gives up.

Rating: A. Great match here with both guys destroying each other and countering everything both guys had. I love the ending with Punk getting smarter as he kept going in a good display of psychology. Thankfully the DQ bit didn’t go anywhere which makes it pretty stupid. Excellent match here though which would have been a great main event for any other show of the year.

Wrestlemania 29 is coming to New Jersey, but we’ll bill it as New York because it sounds better.

Here’s Brodus, who had recently debuted as the Funkasaurus. He tells everyone to get their phone, because they’re gonna call their mamas. Brodus calls his own and apparently she’s here tonight……WITH THE BRIDGE CLUB! Cue a troop of old women for a BIG dance party.

Video on G.I. Joe 2 which was just released like two weeks ago. As in nearly a year after this show.

And now, it is time.

We recap Rock vs. Cena which is at least a year in the making. Something like seven years ago Cena insulted Rock in an interview, so when Rock came back to be guest host last year, he insulted Cena in his return promo. The night after Wrestlemania, Cena had challenged Rock to a one on one match at THIS Wrestlemania. This led to a year of build (minus six months for Rock to make a movie of course) which got me to the point where I HAD to see this match. I didn’t know if it was going to be great, if it was going to suck, or somewhere in between, but I needed to see it. That’s never happened to me as a fan before.

Diddy comes out to bring out MGK (a rapper) to perform some song called Invincible. He does this stupid monologue about how Cena is a huge underdog in this, despite Cena being active having more experience overall than Rock. Cena is booed out of the building but gives something to an old lady who apparently is related to some Hall of Famer. We should be ready for Rock’s entrance, but first we need Flo-Rida to perform two songs. I remember SCREAMING to get to it at this point. Oh and Flo has a bunch of dancers with him, presumably the same girls who were in the Bridge Club ten minutes ago.

John Cena vs. The Rock

Rock’s ovation is thunderous. There’s really no other way to put it as it’s very clear who the fans are for here. During the big match intros, Cena is booed even further out of the stadium. They stare each other down and FINALLY the bell rings. Cena shoves him away to start and the dueling chants begin. They lock up again and this time Cena goes flying. Rock grabs a headlock before they fight over arm control.

A few armdrags put Cena down and a cradle gets a quick two for Cena. Cena has to make sure it wasn’t three as he looks a bit shaken. Back up and John leapfrogs over Rock before taking him down with a headlock takeover. They get up again and Rock tries a quick Sharpshooter but Cena bails to the floor. Rock decks him as he gets back in but Cena charges at him in the corner with a hard shoulder to the ribs. Cena gets a quick one count off a clothesline before putting on a bearhug on the mat.

Back up and Rock punches away but gets low bridged out to the floor. Cena drops him ribs first onto the barricade and announce table before going to the ring for a seat. When Rock won’t quit Cena throws him back inside and gets a two count. We’re definitely in another gear now. Off to a bearhug on Rock’s bad ribs but he won’t quit. Rock finally comes back with right hands to escape and a DDT for two.

Rock wins a quick slugout and hits the spinebuster but Cena picks the leg to break up the Elbow. Cena comes back with his finishing sequence but the AA is escaped. A double clothesline puts both guys down as they take a breather. After a few moments on the mat they slug it out with Cena punching Rock down to his knees. Rock fires off more punches and does You Can’t See Me before trying the spit punch, only to get caught in the AA for a close two.

Cena goes to pick Rock up but takes the Rock Bottom for two for the Brahma Bull. Rock stomps away in the corner but walks into a side slam for two. John goes up top for a very delayed top rope Fameasser for another near fall. Rock comes back with a spinebuster into the Sharpshooter but he doesn’t have it on well. Cena crawls to the rope so Rock lets go and pounds away. Back to the Sharpshooter (why don’t more people do that? Even if Cena won’t quit you can still do more damage) but Cena makes the rope immediately again. Gee maybe if he had pulled Cena from the rope it would have been harder to escape.

Rock fires off some elbows to the chest and sends Cena into the steps for good measure. Back inside and Cena tries a sunset flip of all things but immediately shifts into the STF in the middle of the ring. Cena drags him back to the middle of the ring and Rock is starting to fade. We get an old school arm check and Rock holds it up on the third drop. I love stuff like that. Rock makes it to the ropes and as they get back up, Cena walks into a Samoan drop to put both guys down.

Another slugout goes to Rock and the spinebuster sets up the Elbow……for TWO. The place is losing their minds on these kickouts and can you blame them a bit? Both guys are spent here but Cena hits a catapult into the corner for two. With nothing left to try, Cena loads up the middle rope AA but Rock shoves him off and tries a top rope cross body but Cena rolls through into the BIG AA for an even closer two. Cena begs the referee to call it three. That gets him nowhere so Cena loads up a People’s Elbow. As he hits the second rope, Rock nips up and hits the Rock Bottom for the shocking pin.

Rating: A+. What else do you want from this? This is one of those matches which could have gone either way as they beat the tar out of each other. They had the big fight atmosphere down to perfection here and while the ending is still questionable (yet not completely wrong), it’s exactly what you want a Wrestlemania main event to be. This somehow surpassed the hype and was excellent in every sense of the word.

Cena sits on the ramp, stunned.

Rock poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: A. This is one of the best shows of all time, bar none. The two big matches delivered far better than you could have hoped for, the Raw title match was great, nothing sucked, there are multiple Wrestlemania Moments on here, and the crowd was white hot all night. This is easily in the highest levels of Wrestlemanias ever and it’s every bit as good as it was when I watched it live. Great stuff and absolutely worth checking out.

Ratings Comparison

Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus

Original:

Redo: N/A

Kane vs. Randy Orton

Original: B-

Redo: B-

Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Kelly Kelly/Maria Menunos vs. Beth Phoenix/Eve Torres

Original: C+

Redo: D+

HHH vs. Undertaker

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Team Johnny vs. Team Teddy

Original: C

Redo: D+

Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk

Original: A

Redo: A

The Rock vs. John Cena

Original: B+

Redo: A+

Overall Rating

Original: A+

Redo: A

I shortchanged that main event terribly. It’s a masterpiece.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/04/01/wrestlemania-xxviii-one-of-the-best-shows-of-all-time/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXVIII
Date: April 1, 2012
Location: Sun Life Stadium, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 78,363
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
America the Beautiful: Lillian Garcia

As I wrote out that title, I almost started shaking. Today is Wrestlemania Sunday. In less than two and a half hours, the show is going to begin. This is the day that we as fans wait for all year long. Everything ends tonight and at the same time, everything begins. You all know the card by now, but for those who might forget, the main event is John Cena vs. The Rock, Once In A Lifetime (until ratings go down and we need a rematch). Let’s get to it.

First up we’ve got a pre-show match as a bonus.

Tag Titles: Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd vs. Primo/Epico vs. Usos

Primo/Epico have the titles and have beaten the Usos about five times already. Kidd and Gabriel are teaming for the first time after Kidd asked Gabriel if he wanted to be a team. Gabriel said yes, and apparently that qualifies you as deserving a title match. New tights for the Usos here. Josh and Striker are doing commentary for this match. This is under WCW rules as in three in the ring at once, but in a twist you can only tag your own partner.

Jey, Tyson and Primo start things off. Primo is sent to the floor and Tyson gets two off a sunset flip. Primo comes back in with a missile dropkick as Jey gets beaten down. Kidd makes the save but gets DDTed for two. Primo loads up a superplex on Jey but Tyson springboards up to make it a Tower of Doom in a cool twist on the traditional spot there. Tags bring in Epico and Jimmy but I think Kidd is still legal for his team.

Jimmy comes out of the corner with a spinning cross body and a Bubba Bomb for two. Tag to Gabriel who jumps over Jimmy but walks into a Samoan attack. Back to Jey who hits an assisted Samoan Drop. Jimmy tags in quickly for a double Rikishi attack to Epico and Gabriel. Epico gets dropped onto Primo so Jey can hit a HUGE dive onto both of them.

Kidd pops up on the apron but Jimmy launches him to Jey for a Samoan Drop. Gabriel sets for a top rope Asai Moonsault and hits it on his second attempt. Better safe than sorry on that spot. He tries the springboard 450 but (mostly) hits knees. Backstabber by Epico pins Jey at 5:05.

Rating: B-. Really fun opener here with the six smaller guys being thrown out there to fire up the crowd. That’s what cruiserweights and hot Latin women that can shake their hips were made for so you can’t ask for much more than that. I’m a big Uso fan so seeing them on Wrestlemania was a cool thing to see. Very good start to the night.

Lillian opens us with America the Beautiful. She even sings the second verse.

The opening video is about how this is the beginning, which includes a set of clips of the beginning of a lot of guys’ careers, including some shots of Cena in OVW. We also get some shots of the main guys’ careers. It’s the four in the main events only, which makes sense.

Smackdown World Title: Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan

Makes sense. Might as well make this the most worthless world title match in company history given the build for it so far. Cole and Lawler are calling this alone. Bryan has his robe here and AJ is looking GREAT. We get the kiss to start and Brogue Kick and it’s over in 8 seconds. I kid you not it was that fast.

We have 7 matches left and almost four hours to go. Each match could conceivably get 20 minutes each.

Miz fires up Team Johnny in the back. They don’t seem to care until Otunga comes in to introduce Johnny in a white suit. He says this is going to be a night in the ranks of Hogan slamming Andre and Austin refusing to submit to Bret.

Win a trip to Wrestlemania 29.

Kane vs. Randy Orton

This is over Kane shaking Randy’s hand last year and hating himself for it. I can’t imagine this feud isn’t going to continue after this. Seeing Kane in daylight in the welder’s mask makes him look pretty ridiculous. Kane takes him into the corner to start as I think the fans are chanting for Orton. Well it’s longer than the previous match at least. Orton escapes a chokeslam and stomps on the foot/ankle.

Elevated DDT (called a bulldog by that idiot Cole) is countered and Kane drapes him over the top rope for a big boot. This is Kane’s 14th Mania which has to be up there on the all time list. Kane takes him down and it’s off to a chinlock. Orton fights up with punches but runs into the uppercut for two. Side slam gets two. Kane again stops Orton’s comeback and hits a vertical suplex for two.

A headbutt slows Kane down and Orton spins out of another side slam via a backflip. Orton’s backbreaker puts Kane down but his clotheslines don’t do much. There’s the powerslam and Kane’s shoulder goes into the post. Kane comes back and goes up but his clothesline is countered by a dropkick in a cool spot. Orton loads up the Punt but runs into the chokeslam for two. Kane is frustrated so he does an Undertaker situp.

He pounds Orton down in the corner but Randy comes back with a right of his own. RKO is countered but Orton kicks the knee out again. Randy charges into an elbow and Kane goes up but there’s Orton again. Orton pounds him down on the ropes and goes up with him. He loads up something but Kane grabs him by the throat and gets the pin with a super chokeslam at 10:55.

Rating: B-. This was my upset pick and I wasn’t disappointed. That ending was pretty cool too as it looked great. Orton usually brings it at Wrestlemania and this was no exception as he got a decent match out of Kane. I’m likely overrating it but this is a match I’ve wanted to see for years.

Santino is with a captain from the show Deadliest Catch. They’re having I think king crabs and Mick Foley is with them. He puts on a yellow hat and talks like a pirate but the captain tells him no one talks like that. There are Socko and The Cobra and they attack the crabs. Ron Simmons comes in and you know the rest.

The National Guard is awesome.

Intercontinental Title: Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes

The idea here is that Big Show can’t win at Wrestlemania and Cody has made fun of him for it. Cody immediately bails to the floor and Show goes after him. Cody has red trunks tonight. He dives onto Show on the floor and is tossed back in via a SCARY show of strength. Show destroys Cody with chops and gives him a Stink Face. Cody goes after the knee to get Big Show down which is smart.

Show is down on the mat now as Cody shouts about how this is his moment. He hooks a standing leg lock and Show is in some trouble. He starts to get up but Cody drapes the arm across the top rope to slow him down. Disaster Kick (I guess it’s no longer Beautiful) staggers Show but a second attempt results in a spear. WMD gives Show the title at 5:23.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t wild on this but it’s a good way to get the title off Rhodes. That being said, I don’t buy the whole “Show gets his moment” deal at all. He was in the main event before, so how exactly is winning the IC Title in about 5 minutes a bigger deal? Doesn’t work for me at all, but this should be enough for Cody to move up the ladder.

Show cries post match and kisses I’m assuming his wife.

Video on what it means to be a Diva. This would be better used with the sound off.

Maria Menounos/Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix/Eve Torres

This is a REALLY risky move as the other four matches are Punk vs. Jericho, the Cell, the main event and the Battle of the GM’s. That’s a stacked final four matches and I’d be worried about them overcrowding the second half of the show. We get the video of the evil ones invading Extra. Maria arguing back at them is still horribly bad. She has a legit case of bad ribs due to Dancing With The Stars, plus stress fractures in her feet.

The sun has gone down now and the stadium looks awesome. Eve and Kelly start things off. Kelly charges into a boot in the corner but the moonsault results in her getting crotched. Here’s Maria and it’s a double Stink Face. Beth kicks her in the bad ribs and Eve goes with a bodyscissors. Maria fires off some decent elbows as the fans chant for her to tap. Beth comes in with a modified bearhug but Maria fights out and tags Kelly.

The annoying screaming blonde does her usual stuff but adds a Molly Go Round for two as Eve saves. Glam Slam is countered into a bulldog and there’s the tag to Maria. She….goes up and this isn’t going to end well. Beth drills her and sets for a gorilla press, but Kelly gets her down and shoves Beth into Eve so Maria can get the rollup pin at 6:54.

Rating: C+. You know, given the amount of injuries to Maria, this was really impressive. That girl legit tries out there every time and you can’t ask for more than anything than that. Decent match and the Kelly flip dive wasn’t bad. When Kelly is the worst worker in a match that involves a celebrity, you know there’s a problem.

Shawn says this match is the end of an era. If HHH loses, it’s the end of the Game. Shawn thinks it’s ironic that he can end an era.

New attendance record: 78,363.

JR is here to call the rest of the show. Is that a beard on him?

The Undertaker vs. HHH

Well this is quite the first hour main event. It’s 8:03 and we’ve got four matches left, which means this and Rock vs. Cena are going to need to be about 35 minutes each. They can do it but that would be a lot. This is billed as The End of an Era, but I don’t know what HHH is exactly putting up. If he loses, it’s the same thing as last year. This is inside Hell in a Cell and Shawn Michaels is guest referee.

No buildup package so I’ll help you out here. Taker beat HHH last year but had to be carried out, so he asked for a rematch. HHH didn’t want to do it so Taker played the “Shawn is better than you” card to get him to say yes. The rest of it was a lot of ego stroking and here we are. HHH’s big entrance this year is him coming out of something that looks like Vader’s old helmet with spikes on it.

Shawn’s shirt isn’t tucked in. It’s Wrestlemania and he’s that sloppy? I think we need a new icon. Taker’s robe looks like it has muscles painted onto it. Or does it look Japanese? These entrances still give me chills, even if he’s bald under there. We get lightning, thunder and smoke as always. His head isn’t completely bald but it’s close enough. It’s almost a mowhawk with hair on the side of it if that makes sense. That look kind of works on him actually.

The Cell is lowered to Memory Remains by Metallica. Slugout to start and JR calls Taker’s punches carcinogenic. HHH comes back so Taker throws him into the corner. The haircut is attributed to HHH not giving him a rematch immediately. Ok then. Out to the floor and Taker goes into the Cell. Now HHH goes into it and is backdropped. This appears to be the taller model with the very little space between the cage and the ring.

Taker pounds on him and chokes on the floor. Shawn tries to break up the choking but Taker knocks him away. Into the cage again as Taker has controlled so far. HHH goes into the steps and we go back inside. The Facebuster is no sold and Taker clotheslines him down. Old School connects and HHH is down. Back to the floor and Taker rams the steps into the Game’s face.

The steps are placed in the ring and Taker this the legdrop (loathsome according to JR) on the apron. Back in HHH grabs a DDT from out of nowhere to put both guys down. HHH rams Taker’s head into the steps three times and tries a Pedigree on the steps which is countered into a backdrop. Taker charges into a spinebuster onto the steps but he manages to grab the Hell’s Gate which won the match last year. In a REALLY impressive counter, HHH picks him up into a powerbomb for two.

We’re ten minutes into this and it feels like we’re only in the beginning. Here are two chairs from HHH and one goes into Taker’s ribs and back. The steps are set up in the corner and Taker gets whipped into them. HHH throws them out of the ring and there’s another chair to the back of Undertaker. The Game goes Stone Cold with the chair and Shawn tries to stop him but can’t.

Shawn finally throws the chair out and HHH says if Shawn wants it to end, then end it. HHH grabs the other chair and shoves Shawn down to beat on Taker some more. That must be about 20 shots with it so far. Taker specifically says not to stop it when Shawn asks. Taker gets up and a shot to the ribs and back puts him right back down, getting two. HHH heads to the floor and there’s the sledgehammer.

HHH says he doesn’t care as he’s basically turning heel mid match. He keeps telling Shawn to end it but Taker keeps saying no when Shawn asks to end it. Sledgehammer to the face gets two. There appears to be some blood over HHH’s eye and oh yes there is. It’s not bad but it’s certainly there. HHH sets for a BIG shot to Taker’s prone head but Shawn stops it and throws the hammer to the floor.

HHH keeps shouting at Shawn to end it because Taker is done. Shawn pulls his finger up to end it but can’t do it. He looks at Taker and thinks about doing it again but still can’t do it. Now he looks at Taker again…and Taker puts Shawn in the Hell’s Gate! HHH hits Taker in the head with the hammer but Shawn is down now. HHH sets for a big hammer shot but Taker kicks him low and puts the Hell’s Gate on again.

There’s no Shawn and HHH drops the hammer. HHH tries the powerbomb counter but can’t do it. He grabs the hammer again but passes out. No wait he’s back up. Taker’s face is a meme in waiting. Shawn is still down and Taker has to let the hold go due to exhaustion. Both guys are out. Here’s Charles Robinson who unlocks the cage to a ton of booing. Chokeslam to HHH gets two. Robinson gets a chokeslam for the count. Eh you knew it was going to be Shawn to count the fall so that’s no shock.

The fans think this is awesome and they would be correct. Shawn kicks Taker into the Pedigree but it gets a VERY close two. I really thought that was it. That didn’t happen at all last year which makes this even better than last year. Shawn is distraught that he almost counted the fall after interfering. HHH has the hammer again and he throws Shawn to the floor. The Game goes after Taker with the hammer but Taker sits up, making HHH fall down in fear.

Here’s the Big Dead Comeback with all of his old favorites. Snake Eyes into the big boot is followed by a legdrop. Tombstone plants HHH but only gets two. Not even a close two either. Shawn looks like he’s about to cry in the corner. They slug it out from their knees to their feet and HHH Pedigrees him out of nowhere for two. It wasn’t a great one so it’s a bit more believable. Taker sits up again and grabs a chair. HHH has the hammer but Taker steps on it. Now HHH takes the beating with the chair and the chair is bent. All of the shots only get two though.

Shawn yells at both of them to let it end already. HHH tries to grab Shawn to pull himself up and gets the hammer. Taker can’t follow up and HHH is in agony. He tries a hammer shot but Taker blocks it due to HHH’s exhaustion. Now Taker has the hammer and HHH shoves him away. There’s a crotch chop so Taker hits him in the face with the hammer. Shawn turns his back on the match and the hammer is thrown to the floor. There go the straps and the throat slit sets up the tombstone for the pin at 30:53.

Rating: A+. I liked this a lot better than last year’s. Of the four matches these three have combined for, I’d put this at second best after HBK vs. Taker I, which is pretty high praise. Great match with some great drama and there were actual moments here where I thought the Streak was over, namely the DX Special finisher. Shawn added something here, but I don’t think it was as epic as they were shooting for. The Cell wasn’t a huge factor but it did add something to it as far as a visual goes. Great match and I loved it.

Shawn pulls Taker to his feet post match. Both of them help HHH to the back in a cool visual.

Hall of Fame video. It’s cool to see Flair up there.

Here are the Hall of Fame inductees. The Fink does the intros which is good. That man belongs at Wrestlemania. Tyson does a crotch chop of course. Edge is on the stage and gets his theme music played. No one says anything but it’s cool to see Flair there. Note that I said there and not in the ring.

Win a trip to Wrestlemania 29!

Josh is about to talk to Flo Rida when Heath freaking Slater says interview him instead. Flo Rida comes out and Slater asks about a duet. That gets a no so Slater wants to be a DJ or backup dancer. Those both get a no. Flo Rida says Slater can hold his mic. Slater gets in his face and Flo Rida shoves him into a wall. Hawkins and Reks come in to laugh at Slater. Ok then.

Team Johnny vs. Team Teddy

Johnny: The Miz, Mark Henry, Drew McIntyre, Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler, David Otunga (captain)
Teddy: Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, Booker T, Great Khali, Zack Ryder, Santino Marella (captain)

Otunga has his coffee cup with him too which is awesome. Vickie and Horny are flagbearers. The winning GM controls both shows. Eve is with Ryder. Aksana looks good in the Teddy shirt. Dolph and Kofi start things off and Dolph takes over. Kofi comes back with a top rope cross body for two and here’s Truth. Spinning legdrop gets two but Ziggler dropkicks him down.

Off to Drew who gets caught by the Lie Detector. Khali comes in and chops a bit before Booker gets the tag. Side slam gets two. JR is gone now. Otunga gets in a shot to Booker and Drew’s big boot allows him to tag Swagger. Why is swagger in aquamarine? He’s an ALL AMERICAN AMERICAN. Swagger takes him down and it’s time for Henry. He does absolutely nothing so it’s time for Miz.

Running knee lift gets two and it’s off to a chinlock. Back to Ziggy for a knee drop and then back to Miz. Booker finally gets some breathing room but Henry comes in for the World’s Strongest Slam. Khali chops Henry down and everything breaks down. Kofi/Truth hit double dropkicks to send the heels to the floor. For some reason they throw Horny onto Henry and then along with Ryder hit stereo dives to the floor. Aksana spears Vickie as the match is a mess.

Booker and Miz are down in the ring at the moment but there’s the tag to Santino. Santino does his usual stuff and the saluting headbutt from the top. Cobra is loaded up but he stops to go after Johnny. Cobra to Miz gets two as Dolph makes a VERY close save. Tag to Ryder who monkey flips Dolph and a neckbreaker takes down Miz. He loads up the Rough Ryder but Miz throws him onto Ziggler. He loads up the Broski Boot but Eve comes in for no apparent reason. The distraction lets Miz hit the Finale on Ryder for the pin at 10:42.

Rating: C. Was Otunga ever in the match? This was pretty much exactly what was expected with Eve screwing over the team “by mistake” and Johnny’s team winning. I don’t think anyone ever thought Team Teddy had a chance and even further ends the Brand Split, which is more or less dead already. No issues here for the most part.

Eve kicks Ryder in the balls post match and walks off with her hand on her hip.

Extreme Rules is in four weeks.

Alex Rodriguez and Torrie Wilson are here.

Video on what WWE has done for Miami.

Ace brags to Punk a bit about the win. If Punk gets disqualified, he loses the title. That sounds like the perfect setup for a rematch where Punk can’t get disqualified at Extreme Rules.

Raw World Title: Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk

If Punk, the champion, gets DQ’ed, he loses the title. We get a quick video recapping Punk’s rise up the roster and Jericho saying that Punk has addiction in his blood. They go to the mat quickly and Punk stomps away on him in the corner. Jericho slaps him as he’s trying to get disqualified. Punk stomps to four and then stops each time which is a nice touch. Jericho slaps him two more times and then hides. Punk dropkicks him in the corner and pounds on him to four again.

Jericho shouts about Punk’s father, earning him more elbows to the head. Punk loads up the Macho Elbow but Jericho rolls to the floor. Punk is cool with that and hits a top rope clothesline for two. Jericho asks about Punk’s sister which draws a chair from Punk but he won’t swing. A line about Punk’s sister being a drug addict doesn’t do it so Punk kicks him in the ribs instead. Punk throws the chair away and walks into a bottom rope dropkick (yes a bottom rope dropkick) to take the champion down.

Back elbow puts Punk on the outside. They go to the apron and Punk tries a GTS but the Canadian escapes and clotheslines Punk back in. Jericho suplexes him to the floor and it almost looked like a Jackhammer. Back inside that gets two. Butterfly backbreaker gets the same. Jericho is working on the back to set up the Walls. Off to a chinlock and then a kick to the back. Surfboard submission goes on so Punk jumps up into a dropkick to the gut in a nice counter.

Punk counters the bulldog by sending Jericho into the corner crotch first. CM makes his comeback with kicks and chops, plus a neckbreaker for two. Punk hits the knee in the corner but the bulldog is countered. Lionsault gets knees but Jericho counters into the Walls but that gets countered. Sweet sequence. High kick gets two and Chris is down. The Macho Elbow looks awkward as it looked like it hit but I think Jericho put his knees up, which doesn’t do much good for an elbow. That looked weird.

Codebreaker hits but Punk rolls out. Jericho throws him back in but walks into the GTS. Punk can’t cover immediately though and Jericho gets his foot on the rope. Another high kick misses but a powerslam gets two. We get a series of standing switches resulting in Jericho draping him over the top and hitting the Lionsault for two. Chris goes up and Punk tries a rana, but Jericho counters into the Walls in a sweet counter that I’ve seen him use before. Punk of course gets the rope but getting there was cool.

Jericho charges at him but Punk backdrops him to the floor. Punk is holding his back and Jericho stands in perfect position for the suicide dive from Punk. The fans are a little dead for some reason. I don’t get why as this has been a good match. In a SICK spot, Punk hits the running knee to the head of Jericho while it’s against the post.

Punk tries the springboard clothesline but jumps into the Codebreaker for two. That would have been back to back losses at Mania due to the springboard for Punk. Two GTS’s are countered and Jericho is getting frustrated. He goes up but Punk kicks him in the back. GTS is countered AGAIN, this time into the Liontamer and then the Walls. Punk crawls for the rope but Jericho drags him back into the middle.

The champ crawls through the legs into a small package and they reverse it a few times but Punk counters into the Vice which Jericho counters into a rollup for two but he can’t break the hold. Now Jericho knees him in the back of the head and FINALLY breaks the hold, countering into a Walls attempt. Punk counters THAT into the Vice and this time he leans his head forward so Jericho can’t knee him. Jericho is forced to tap at 22:23.

Rating: A. ANOTHER awesome match here. That finishing sequence was absolutely awesome with some SICK counters. I’m not sure if I’d call it a masterpiece or anything, but these two nailed it and it looked like Punk outsmarted Jericho using psychology he gained throughout the match, which is great stuff. Loved this and it’s another great match on a GREAT show so far.

Mania 29 will be in New Jersey.

FUNKASAURUS!!! AND HE’S TALKING!!! I don’t think most people care about him. He asks people to pull out their phones because they’re going to call their mamas. Brodus calls his mama and says he wishes she was there. His mama is here with the bridge club apparently. She was in the back….and he didn’t know it? She’s a woman with really weird hair and what has to be……oh my goodness the bridge club is all here to dance with her. There must be 20 old women out there dancing. I think I need a minute.

Go see G.I. Joe 2.

Clips of the Once in a Lifetime special to hype up the main event. If you don’t get the story here, go look it up.

Diddy introduces some rapper to sing one of the theme songs. The rapper defines an underdog who apparently is Cena in this. Uh….not quite but ok.

John Cena vs. The Rock

Writing that gave me a chill. Cena is booed but it’s not horrible. We get his traditional shot from the back as he runs to the ring. There’s a new green shirt too. Ok now he’s getting booed. There’s nothing really special to Cena’s entrance this year. Once Cena is in the ring Flo Rida does the other theme song to the show with a full set of backup dancers. Now some chick comes out to sing another song with him. Could the timing on this be worse?

Rock’s entrance really could have done without the dance troupe behind him and it made things look a bit less epic than they were going for. He looked like he was going in for a big fight though and that’s the important thing. We get a shot from above the stadium and it looks AWESOME. We get big match intros. This is really happening. Oh THERE are the boos for Cena. There are some cheers and it’s nowhere near MITB but it’s up there. Big pop for Rock as expected.

The bell rings at 10:24:42 after about a minute of staring. My heart is beating out of my chest as I can’t believe it’s finally here. They lock up and Cena shoves him off. He looks like he lost five pounds of air with the exhale after that. The dueling chants begin and it’s certainly not a one sided crowd. Rock shoves Cena off. That’s so Hogan (in a good way). They lock up again and Rock grabs a headlock.

They fight over a wristlock and Rock does Owen’s counter into a pair of armdrags and La Majistral for two. He did that at Survivor Series and Cena still looks stunned. Cena whips him in and gets perhaps the highest leapfrog I’ve ever seen into a headlock takeover. No one has an advantage of note after about four minutes. Rock lowers his head for Cena to kick him and Rock pops him with a right.

Cena charges and Rock tries a Sharpshooter, but John rolls to the floor. Rock catches Cena coming in but Cena sends him into the corner and hits some shoulders. Clothesline gets one and Rock gets to the rope. You know it occurs to me: Cena has an experience advantage here and a big one at that. He’s been in WWE going on ten years, whereas Rock was around less than seven in total, and that’s stretching A LOT.

Rock fires off some punches but misses a charge to send him to the floor. They’re starting slow but we have almost half an hour for the slow build. Rock gets dropped on the barricade and they go to the floor. Cena drops the ribs into the announce table and sits in the ring. Back in the ring and Cena is in control. Belly to belly gets two as he keeps working on the ribs. Now a bearhug which is a smart move. Cena’s power is often forgotten until the end of the match so this makes sense.

Rock fights out of it with punches and a DDT, but Cena fights back. Now Rock comes back with punches and the jumping clothesline. Spinebuster looks to set up the elbow but Cena picks the leg for an STF attempt. That gets countered so Cena comes back with the shoulders and ProtoBomb. The Shuffle hits but the AA is countered and they clothesline (kind of) each other.

They slug it out and Rock takes over with faster punches. He tries to do You Can’t See Me but Cena grabs the AA for two. NOW this is getting good, almost fifteen minutes into it. That’s not a bad thing mind you as it’s about what happens in every main event match. Cena might have a cut next to his nose but it’s not bad. Cena goes after Rock and gets caught in the Rock Bottom for two. Rock hammers him in the corner but walks into a side slam for two.

Cena goes up and takes forever, but manages to hit the top rope Fameasser for two. Out of nowhere Rock grabs the Sharpshooter and somehow it’s gotten even worse. We’re over twenty minutes into this and Rock is getting frustrated. Sharpshooter goes on again and he’s just pulling on the feet instead of wrapping his arm around them. They go to the floor as we’re over 20 minutes into this.

Cena goes into the steps and Rock is in full control so far. John goes into the steps again but as they come back in he sunset flips Rock (that boy can JUMP) but instead of covering he hooks the STF. The leg is bent in a freaky way. Rock almost gets the rope so Cena lets go and pulls back to the middle of the ring. Rock is starting to fade and he’s not very close to the rope. The referee takes forever to check the arm and it drops once. It drops twice, but on the third try Rock continues to channel Hogan (again awesome) to raise the arm. He FINALLY makes the rope and we’re not done yet.

We’re 24 minutes into this so it’s got to be running short on time. It’s 10:49 now so it can’t break forty minutes. Cena is tired but he walks into a Samoan Drop to put both guys down. They slug it out and both finishers are countered. Spinebuster puts Cena down and there goes the elbow pad. The People’s Elbow hits for two. Cena grabs a small package (easy big fella) for two. John grabs a slingshot to send Rock into the buckle and a rollup gets two.

Cena drives him to the corner and puts Rock up on the second rope. He looks like he’s setting for a superplex but Rock shoves him off. Rock looks very tired and I can’t blame him. It’s his first singles match in about 9 years and he’s going half an hour. Rock goes up top (huh?) and tries a cross body but Cena rolls throug and flips him onto his shoulders for the AA for TWO. I thought that might have been it. It’s 10:54 and they’ve gone thirty minutes now. John looks at his hand, takes off the wristband, and sets for the People’s Elbow but walks into the Rock Bottom for the pin at 30:40. WOW.

Rating: B+. I have no idea what the point of that is, but they did it. The match was never going to be able to live up to the hype and I don’t think it was going to ever be able to do so. I really don’t agree with the ending as there’s no incentive for a rematch now, Cena looks like he can’t beat a guy that’s been retired almost longer than he was active, and it does nothing for the guys sticking around. I don’t get it at all. Good match, close to great, not a masterpiece.

Rock poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: A+. This was an incredible show and one of the best Wrestlemanias I’ve ever seen. I was really worried about the pacing of the show for awhile but they pulled it off really well and it never dragged. There were multiple classics and that’s exactly what Wrestlemania is supposed to be. When the worst match is probably the Divas, that’s definitely a good sign.

As for the main event, it was indeed very good but I didn’t like the ending. Granted that’s two minutes after it so maybe that’ll change. I don’t hate it, but I don’t like it that well at the moment. Still though, it’s a very good match to end an amazing show and we’ll have to see where things go from here. Absolutely worth seeing though.

Results
Sheamus b. Daniel Bryan – Brogue Kick
Kane b. Randy Orton – Middle Rope Chokeslam
Big Show b. Cody Rhodes – WMD
Maria Menounous/Kelly Kelly b. Beth Phoenix/Eve Torres – Rollup to Beth
Undertaker b. HHH – Tombstone
Team Johnny b. Team Teddy – Skull Crushing Finale to Ryder
CM Punk b. Chris Jericho – Anaconda Vice
The Rock b. John Cena – Rock Bottom

 

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Wrestlemania XXVII
Date: April 3, 2011
Location: Georgia Dome, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 71,617
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Josh Matthews

There’s a bit more to the main event than Rock just returning. The night he returned, he cut a long promo about how things had changed, including John Cena being the top star in the company. There is real tension between the two of them and people are expecting it to boil over soon. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: US Title: Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan

Bryan (I think you know him) is challenging and it’s almost strange to see him with short hair and clean shaven. Daniel moonsaults over the champ to start before the yet to be named YES kicks send Sheamus outside. That’s not cool with Mark Henry as he throws Sheamus back inside for more kicks from Daniel. Sheamus grabs a quick tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two but the High Cross is broken up. The champ is sent to the floor where he gets in a fight with the lumberjacks, triggering a huge brawl to throw the match out at 4:19.

Rating: D+. These two would later get to show that they have good chemistry but the four minute clock here didn’t give them time to go anywhere. It doesn’t help that the match was designed to set up something else instead of having a definitive ending. We’re not done with these two though.

Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long comes out to say let’s have a battle royal.

Pre-Show: Battle Royal

R-Truth, Great Khali, David Hart-Smith, Mark Henry, Johnny Curtis, Evan Bourne, Trent Barretta, Chris Masters, JTG, Yoshi Tatsu, Chavo Guerrero, Ted DiBiase, Tyler Reks, William Regal, Drew McIntyre, Curt Hawkins, Tyson Kidd, Primo, Zack Ryder, Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, Daniel Bryan, Sheamus

Curtis is a generic guy who would later be known as Fandango and I think you know the Usos. Khali throws out Reks and Hawkins in the first twenty seconds and Henry tosses Tatsu a few seconds later. The match slows down a lot and everyone brawls with everyone with no one getting close to an elimination. Jimmy Uso is hanging onto the ropes and pulls them down to eliminate Truth.

Henry dumps both Usos a few seconds later and a big group of people gets rid of Mark. Primo and Ryder go out in quick succession and Drew has to last on the apron. Chavo tries to knock McIntyre out but gets backdropped to the floor and Khali knocks out Hart-Smith. JTG is dumb enough to go up top and gets chopped out by Khali. Bryan throws Kidd out and McIntyre eliminates Trent.

Curtis tries to fight Regal, Sheamus and McIntyre at the same time for reasons that aren’t clear, earning himself an elimination. Masters chops at Drew but gets sent to the apron where he tries the Masterlock. Oh come on dude you’re smarter than that. Drew goes down and Evan tries Air Bourne, only to have Sheamus throw Evan down after the crash. DiBiase eliminates Regal and Drew kicks Ted in the face for an elimination. Bryan dumps McIntyre but gets pulled to the apron by Sheamus who kicks Bryan to the floor. Khali and Sheamus are the last two in and a clothesline gives Khali the win at 8:29.

Rating: D. This is becoming the standard operating procedure for these matches and again, it’s hard to really complain when it’s a relatively short battle royal just there as a DVD bonus. Khali winning is fine as he hadn’t done anything for years at this point so throw him a bone to make a victory over him mean a little bit more.

Keri Hilson sings America the Beautiful.

The set is a big sign saying WRESTLEMANIA and a big arch over the stage. It’s a simpler design but it works quite well.

The cylinder from last year has been replaced by an even bigger cube.

We don’t go straight to the opening video as a voiceover which sounds like a daytime game show host or a late night talk show announcer introduces “a supernova of entertainment” named The Rock. It’s pretty safe to say that Rock is still incredibly over as the fans practically worship at his feet.

Rock walks around a bit before hitting the FINALLY line about Atlanta and Wrestlemania. He wants to know if we can feel, taste and smell the electricity. I don’t think you can taste electricity but if you try you’ll certainly feel something. It’s time to do something special and have some fun. Therefore, when Rock says wrestle, the fans will say mania. After that wastes some time, Rock wants to talk about someone who is deciding which Fruity Pebbles shirt to put on tonight (if that line makes no sense, Rock had said Cena looked like a great big bowl of Fruity Pebbles because of all his shirts).

The fans chant CENA SUCKS and then switch to FRUITY PEBBLES. Rock stops for some of the People’s Water (his words) before saying yabba, which means he wants the people to say dabba. He rhymes a bit with his catchphrases (“Always defiant and standing taller than Andre the Giant!”) and says this is bigger than Christmas (“Sorry Santa but the Rock is bringing it all over Atlanta!”) before having the people join him for IF YA SMELL to wrap up this ten minute monologue, which really wasn’t funny.

The opening video is the standard operating procedure: talking about the history of the event with the major highlight clips before an assortment of stuff on the major matches. This still works so why mess with it?

Cole: “This is the fabric of Americana!” Cole, in his own plastic box, is one of the top heels in the company and is already arguing with Lawler, who he’ll be facing tonight in Lawler’s first ever Wrestlemania match.

Smackdown World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. Edge

Alberto (who won the 2011 Royal Rumble to earn this shot) is challenging and comes out in a Rolls Royce (he was a car guy, to put it mildly) with his personal ring announcer Ricardo Rodriguez doing his introduction. Del Rio also has Brodus Clay as his bodyguard so Edge brings out Christian as backup. Feeling out process to start until Edge gets shoved into the corner but he comes out with a slap to the face.

The champ gets stomped down in the corner and they head outside with Del Rio sending Edge and his bad arm into the barricade. Back in and we hit an armbar as Del Rio starts getting ready for his cross armbreaker. The bad arm is wrapped around the middle rope as you can’t argue with Del Rio’s psychology so far. Edge avoids a charge to send Alberto outside and follows with a big over the top flip dive.

Back in and Edge heads up top, only to get armdragged back down to the mat in a big crash. A big boot and flapjack get two for the champ but a Codebreaker to the arm looks to set up the armbreaker. Edge counters into the Edge-O-Matic for two but Del Rio grabs the armbreaker a few seconds later, only to have Edge roll his feet into the ropes. Del Rio follows up with a running enziguri but Edge gets his foot on the ropes again. Rodriguez tries to break it up, triggering a brawl between Christian and Brodus.

The Edgecution (impaler DDT) looks to set up the spear but Del Rio sidesteps it and Del Rio pulls the arm into the post. Now the armbreaker goes on in the middle of the ring until Edge rolls onto him for a cover, forcing Del Rio to break it up. There’s the Edgecator (a variation on the Sharpshooter) as Christian takes Brodus out. Del Rio escapes but walks into the spear (with the bad arm to no pain from Edge) to retain Edge’s title at 11:09.

Rating: C+. Good enough match but Edge not selling the arm really hurt things. If he’s not going to sell it, why waste our time watching Del Rio try to get the submission? That’s the major problem with a heel using a submission hold: almost no top face ever taps out so the finisher isn’t all that effective.

Now for the interesting part: this would be Edge’s last match due to another neck injury and the title would be vacated. If he was leaving less than a month later, why not drop the title here and put Del Rio over as a career killer? That’s never set well with me, but it did at least give us a good moment for Edge’s last win.

Post match Edge and Christian destroy Del Rio’s car. I’m sure there will be rapid legal ramifications for their actions of course. Then again, if Matt Hardy doesn’t get arrested for burning down Jeff’s house, this is pretty tame. Also you would think Del Rio would go up there to save his car or at least try to but the crowbars Edge and Christian are holding might have something to do with it.

Tough Enough ad.

Cole brags about his Slammys and promises to win tonight.

Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio

This was an interesting story as Cody had been a narcissistic man who believed he was the best looking person on the roster. Then Mysterio hurt Cody’s face with the 619, forcing Cody to undergo facial reconstruction surgery. Cody returned and wore a mask to hide the horrible surgery scars. Then the mask came off to reveal that Cody looked fine but he still swore the scars were there. He kept wearing the mask and looked like Dr. Doom for a really interesting psychological character which should have taken him up the card.

Mysterio is Captain America this year and he starts hammering Cody’s ribs as Cody is still in the hard mask. Cody headbutts him down and goes for Rey’s knee brace, followed by the Disaster Kick (springboard kick to the face) for two. We hit a one arm camel clutch followed by an Alabama Slam for two more.

Cody slaps on a nerve hold as Cole continues to rip on Rey for not doing enough to make up for the injury. A delayed superplex (that’s a rare sight) drops Rey for two but he gets out of Cross Rhodes (a rolling cutter) and sends Cody to the floor. Rey sends him into the apron with a headscissors but dives into a wheelbarrow suplex for two. The 619 is broken up (Cole is thrilled) and Cody gets the knee brace off.

Rey gets two more off a moonsault press but Cody loses his mask. The 619 to the exposed face sets up the top rope splash but Rey puts the brakes on when Cody raises his knees. Rey puts Cody’s mask on for some headbutts, sending Cole into hysterics. The fans chant for Cody as the referee gets rid of the mask, leaving Cody to hit Rey in the head with the brace. Cross Rhodes finishes Rey at 12:01.

Rating: B. This was a lot better than I was expecting, even if you ignore Cole’s incessant heel commentary (we’ll come back to that later). Mysterio putting the mask on was a stupid move on his part but at least the right guy won. Cody was running with this character but unfortunately this was pretty much the peak as he became just Cody Rhodes again, which isn’t really interesting. Good match here though.

Snoop Dogg is here to scout talent for his upcoming tour so Teddy Long has set up some auditions. Snoop: “Let the dogs loose.” First up is William Regal who raps about being a heel. Regal: “Was that gangster enough for you?” Beth Phoenix and Great Khali sing Summer Lovin from Grease. Zack Ryder sings Friday (a big hit at this point) until Roddy Piper breaks a coconut over his head. Yoshi Tatsu sings We Will Rock You as Chris Masters does his pectoral dance to the beat. Hornswoggle comes in but Teddy says he can’t talk so Snoop leaves. After they’re gone, Hornswoggle raps as the Bellas dance.

Kane/Big Show/Santino Marella/Kofi Kingston vs. Corre

Corre is Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater/Wade Barrett/Ezekiel Jackson in a spiritual successor to Nexus. They’re having some success too as Slater (a country boy) and Gabriel (a high flier) are Tag Team Champions (finally with two belts between them) and Barrett (a British brawler) is Intercontinental Champion. Jackson is a very muscular powerhouse. Show has been having issues with the team as of late, Kingston lost the title to Barrett and Corre put out Santino’s partner Vladimir Kozlov. Santino and Slater start but it’s quickly off to Show to destroy Heath. Everything breaks down and Show KO’s Slater for the pin at 1:35.

Santino dances a bit, probably thrilled with getting a Wrestlemania payday for such a quick match (really the only reason for this match to exist and there’s nothing wrong with that).

The Rock is in the back with Eve Torres and lets her feel his arm. Eve describes the weekend as magical so Rock offers to make magic with the next person that comes around the corner. As you might guess, cue Mae Young who wants the people’s strudel (guess what that means). Rock makes some old age jokes (Rock: “This is Eve. Like your childhood friends Adam and Eve.”) so Eve gives him a little spank. Rock wants anyone else to come around the corner and here’s Steve Austin. It’s serious Austin tonight and they say it’s good to see each other and say they both remember. You could feel the electricity here.

We recap CM Punk vs. Randy Orton. Punk had taken over the Nexus after they threw out Wade Barrett and targeted Orton, costing him the World Title at the 2011 Royal Rumble. This was all due to Orton costing Punk his Raw World Title back in 2009, causing Punk to promise that Orton won’t be champion again on his watch. Orton took out the New Nexus one by one (in about six weeks after Cena couldn’t do it in six months).

CM Punk vs. Randy Orton

Orton comes in with a bad right knee after Punk hit it with a wrench. Punk dives after the leg but gets punched in the face for his efforts. They head outside where Punk dives over the steps and kicks them back into the bad knee to take over. A cross body gets two back inside but Punk stops to do Orton’s pose, earning himself a backbreaker. Something like a Stunner to the leg puts Orton right back in trouble though and Punk cannonballs down on it.

Orton gets tied up in the corner for a top rope double stomp. The GTS is countered into an RKO attempt but Punk kicks him in the face for two. Punk gets crotched on the top for a superplex but it bangs up the knee again. There’s a figure four around the post (you can’t fault Punk’s strategy here) followed by something like an Indian deathlock.

Some headbutts get Orton out and an Angle Slam gets two. The Anaconda Vice (Punk’s arm trap choke) out of nowhere has Orton in trouble until he rolls on top to make Punk break it up. The elevated DDT looks to set up the Punt but the knee gives out. Punk blocks an RKO attempt and goes up top for a clothesline, only to dive right into the RKO for the pin at 14:40.

Rating: B-. Another good match here as the first hour and a half of this show have been on a roll. Punk losing here was a surprise but it gave us the sweet RKO out of nowhere for the year. Orton was starting to get into a weird place as he was the upper midcarder on call for whatever you needed him to do. Punk would be back later in the year though so he didn’t have a lot to be worried about.

Gene Okerlund is in the back with Rock and they meet John Cena’s #1 fan: Pee Wee Herman. Rock recruits him to be a man and the payoff is Gene in Cena gear. This really isn’t funny.

No Hall of Fame video this year as they just come out. The Class of 2011 includes Abdullah the Butcher (legendary hardcore wrestler), Sunny (never likely to be mentioned again in WWE after basically going crazy), the Road Warriors (long overdue), Drew Carey (he was in the 2001 Royal Rumble), Bullet Bob Armstrong (famous Georgia wrestler), Jim Duggan (with a bowtie on the 2×4) and Shawn Michaels as the headliner, getting his own entrance.

Clip from this week’s Raw of Lawler beating up Cole’s trainer Jack Swagger. Lawler tried to go after Cole and got coffee thrown in his face.

Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole

Austin is guest referee and this is Lawler’s chance for revenge after Cole treated him like garbage for months, including costing him a Raw World Title shot. Booker T., Josh Matthews and JR will be on commentary. As he almost always did, Cole cuts off JR’s entrance to call Lawler and Ross old and fat. Swagger does his push-ups on the ramp entrance but Austin’s music and ATV cut him off.

Cole hides in the Cole Mine (his plastic box) and warms up until Austin rings the bell. Lawler takes out Swagger and Cole (showing off a lot of tattoos) immediately starts begging off. Cole offers a handshake through the box wall but Lawler doesn’t let go. Instead he pulls Cole’s head against the wall over and over before climbing in to pull Cole out (after a beating inside the box of course).

Lawler rams Cole head first into his public speaking platform (for official announcements from the anonymous Raw General Manager). Swagger gets in a cheap shot and puts on the ankle lock. Austin doesn’t see it but he counts even slower than Bruce Hart did last year. Cole bends the ankle around the bottom rope and does a very slow motion Vader Bomb from the middle rope for two. With Lawler in trouble, Cole pulls down the strap and puts on the Ancole (yes Ancole) lock.

Lawler gets out and stomps Cole down in the corner as Austin doesn’t seem interested in intervening. Swagger throws in a towel but Austin throws it back. That’s not cool with Swagger so he gets a Stunner for his troubles. Cole slaps Austin and eats a BIG right hand from Lawler, who easily pounds Cole down. The middle rope fist drop (with the real strap lowering) gets two as Lawler pulls him up. The ankle lock makes Cole tap (Austin: “DO……..YOU…….QUIT?”) at 13:45.

Rating: D. The match was bad for the most part and Cole got in WAY too much offense but the whole thing had to end with Lawler beating him definitively. I know they can’t use the piledriver but at least we got something good enough. Maybe this shuts Cole up for the night if nothing else.

Post match a lot of beer is consumed (not by Lawler, a noted non-drinker) and Booker gets in the ring for a Spinarooni for absolutely no apparent reason. Austin gives him a Stunner for coming in uninvited. Serves that rude Booker right. The celebration continues…..and we get an e-mail from the GM, saying that the decision is reversed due to Austin overstepping his bounds so Cole wins.

I know a lot of this show is poorly remembered and this is the biggest reason why. The first two hours of this show were breezing by and then this happened. You could feel the air going out of the stadium and that’s the last thing you want to do at any point and especially halfway through.

There was no logical reason for Lawler to lose here. Cole had been built up for months and was finally going to get what was coming to him. We had the moment and then he loses to keep this whole thing going for two more months, until Lawler beat Cole in a match no one remembers. This killed what the show had going and it’s going to take a miracle to recover.

Austin Stuns Matthews for making the announcement.

Wrestlemania week video.

We recap Undertaker vs. HHH which is really just the fallout from Shawn’s retirement and HHH trying to do what his best friend couldn’t. Both guys talked about how big this was but somehow avoided talking about their first Wrestlemania match. This is another match that really doesn’t need a big explanation.

JR and King are doing commentary now.

HHH vs. Undertaker

No holds barred. HHH comes out to Metallica’s For Whom the Bell Tolls with a phalanx of soldiers and battle armor. Undertaker doesn’t quite one up him with Johnny Cash’s Ain’t No Grave but it’s close. HHH punches him into the corner to start so Undertaker throws him over the top and out to the floor. A whip into the steps has HHH in early trouble and it’s already time to load up the Spanish announcers’ table, only to have HHH spear him through the Cole Mine.

That only makes Undertaker do the sit up and power glare, followed by a jumping clothesline back inside. Old School is broken up though and it’s time to load up the announcers’ table. The chokeslam and Pedigree are broken up, the latter with a backdrop to send HHH crashing back to the floor. Dueling chants of 19-0 and 18-1 are quickly broken up by the return of the Taker Dive and both guys are down on the floor.

It’s Undertaker up first and he sets up the steps in front of the Spanish announcers’ table, only to charge into a spinebuster through it instead. Back in and Undertaker grabs a quick chokeslam for two. The Last Ride and Pedigree are both countered, followed by Undertaker charging into a spinebuster for two. This has been a war with nothing but big bombs so far. Undertaker kicks a chair away, only to walk into a Pedigree for two.

The Last Ride and Tombstone (complete with tongue out) both get two and now it’s serious. A DDT on the chair drops Undertaker and a second Pedigree is good for another near fall. The third Pedigree gets the same so HHH massacres him with the chair, including a big shot to the head. For some reason HHH doesn’t cover so Undertaker gets up. HHH: “JUST DIE!” Undertaker grabs him by the throat but there’s nothing behind it and HHH easily shoves him away.

HHH uses a Tombstone for two and people act like it’s some huge deal. This never worked for me as I’ve seen people use that on Undertaker for years and save for Kane, IT HAS NEVER WORKED ONCE! Why is this supposed to be some big, huge deal? HHH goes to get the sledgehammer but walks into Hell’s Gate and finally taps after a ridiculous minute and forty eight seconds to give Undertaker the win at 28:54.

Rating: A-. It’s really good but the last five minutes or so where they tried to turn it into theater took a lot of it down. If HHH wanted to end him that badly, why didn’t he just cover? That and the big Tombstone spot really hurt it as it stopped making sense. This was treated as one of the best matches of all time and it’s just not at that level, especially with Punk vs. Cena coming later in the year.

That’s not to say this wasn’t an awesome match because it certainly was. These guys were just hammering each other out there and it made for some really entertaining spots. The problem for me though was I never bought the Streak as being in jeopardy. I felt that with Shawn at times but it never came here. If you don’t have that drama, you’re missing a little something. It’s a step beneath both Shawn matches, but not a long step.

19-0 flashes on the screen and both guys are done. HHH slowly gets up as the trainer comes in to check on Undertaker (thankfully in silence). Undertaker gets out of the ring and falls on his face, eventually needing to be carted up the ramp.

Wrestlemania XXVII is in Miami.

Dolph Ziggler/Laycool vs. John Morrison/Trish Stratus/Snooki

Snooki is from Jersey Shore, a fad which has thankfully died down. Vickie Guerrero introduces Laycool because she’s still around. The bad guys jump our heroes from behind so Snooki slaps Dolph. McCool and Trish get us going and Trish takes over with chops, including one with Snooki licking her hand for good luck. An early Faithbreaker attempt is countered with a facebuster and a big Chick Kick gets two. The guys come in and Morrison knocks Ziggler to the floor for Starship Pain (split legged corkscrew moonsault). Snooki comes in with a handspring elbow into the corner followed by a splash to pin McCool at 4:16.

Rating: D. This was your lame celebrity match of the year but at least they kept it short and didn’t do anything too bad. They didn’t try to do anything too complicated or big here, even though the show really didn’t need anything else packed into this. Trish hadn’t lost a step either.

The new attendance record is announced. Notice that they said for any entertainment event, which excludes football.

We see someone watching videos jumping back and forth between wrestling legends and Miz on the Real World and his rise up the WWE card from joke to World Champion. The song playing talks about how someone isn’t stopping even if everyone hates him. This is really, really good stuff and a great middle finger to all of Miz’s detractors. The problem for Miz is the shadow of the Rock over this entire thing which no one was going to be able to shake. Cena won an Elimination Chamber to earn this shot.

Raw World Title: The Miz vs. John Cena

Cena is challenging. Miz and his crony Alex Riley walk through balloons spelling out “AWESOME!”. Cena’s big entrance involves a gospel choir and a man saying a prayer talking about how Cena is here to do good work and that he wished he had more than one life to do it. Cena might actually be booed louder than Miz. Feeling out process to start with Cena getting dropped off a shoulder but coming back with a hiptoss.

Miz takes over in the corner and whips Cena hard across the ring, setting up his running clothesline for two. A gutwrench suplex gets the same for Cena as the crowd is just silent. Miz misses the second running corner clothesline and takes the top rope Fameasser for two. The champ slowly stomps him down and a baseball slide sends Cena out to the floor. Back in and a knee lift gets two as Cena has shown no fire so far.

Cena fights back with some of his normal stuff including the Shuffle but the AA is countered into a low DDT for two more. Miz goes over and rips off a turnbuckle pad but we’re not ready for that yet. Instead Miz has to counter another AA so Cena takes him down into the STF, sending Miz crawling for the ropes. Back up and Miz sends him into the buckle, setting up the Skull Crushing Finale (full nelson faceplant) for two.

There goes the referee (of course) and Cena hits the AA (to silence, as the fans aren’t that stupid) for no count. Riley sneaks in with a metal briefcase shot to the face for two and now the fans are waking up. Now it’s Miz trying his own briefcase shot but it hits Riley by mistake, followed by one of the biggest AA’s of all time for a very close two (and the fans applaud). Miz heads outside so Cena spears him over the barricade (legitimately giving Miz a concussion)…..and that’s a double countout at 14:43.

Rating: D-. The last few minutes got better but this was AWFUL otherwise as the fans were sitting there in silence. Miz had a great build to this match but that didn’t mean he was ready for the main event of Wrestlemania. Also, A DOUBLE COUNTOUT? That’s dull on Raw and they try it here?

Never mind maybe because here’s the Rock. Before he can say anything, we get an e-mail from the GM. Rock reads the message but decides it doesn’t matter what the GM thinks. Wrestlemania isn’t ending like this so let’s keep going with No DQ. The bell rings and Cena takes a Rock Bottom, giving Miz the pin to retain about 40 seconds after the restart.

Miz goes after Rock for no logical reason so Rock lays him out and drops the People’s Elbow. A lot of posing and four minutes of highlights end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. It’s amazing how much two matches can destroy an otherwise solid show but that main event and the Lawler decision being reversed crushed this thing into the ground. Aside from those two matches, this is actually a heck of a show with nothing really bad (aside from the mixed tag which was kept short). Those two bad matches are devastating though and the ending left a REALLY bad taste in a lot of people’s mouths, which I can easily understand.

The other major issue is the Rock, who loomed over the entire thing. That opening monologue was something a 16 year old could have written and after the thing with Austin, he pretty much disappeared. The ending sets up more down the road, but that doesn’t make for a good way to close out the show. It’s not the worst show ever but those two holes are way too much to overcome.

Ratings Comparison

Edge vs. Alberto Del Rio

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C+

Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Corre vs. Kane/Santino Marella/Kofi Kingston/Big Show

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

CM Punk vs. Randy Orton

Original: B-

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B-

Michael Cole vs. Jerry Lawler

Original: C

2013 Redo: D-

2015 Redo: D

Undertaker vs. HHH

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: A-

Snooki/Trish Stratus/John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler/Laycool

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Miz vs. John Cena

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D-

2015 Redo: D-

Overall Rating

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: C-

That HHH vs. Undertaker match really is great.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/04/03/wrestlemania-27-not-sure-on-this-one/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/04/05/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xxvii-rocky-cant-save-this-one/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXVII
Date: April 3, 2011
Location: Georgia Dome, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 71,617
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Josh Matthews

This is the Rock’s show as he’s back to be guest host. Really that’s all you need to know here because it’s all that matters. We’ve also got Cena vs. Miz for the Raw Title, which is basically a backdrop for the obvious Rock and Cena interaction. For the blue guys we’ve got Del Rio challenging Edge for the title and Undertaker’s opponent is Shawn’s heterosexual life partner HHH. Oh and there’s no MITB this year thank goodness. Let’s get to it.

Keri Hilson sings America the Beautiful. I’m not sure who she is but I like her voice far better than Fantasia’s from last year.

The opening video sounds like the opening to a late night talk show, but it leads to ROCKY, which makes it all better. He does the long walk down the long ramp to get to the ring and the place goes nuts for him. Rock starts off with the FINALLY line after walking around the ring for a bit. He asks if we can feel, taste and smell the electricity. We get a pretty lame “I say Wrestle, you say Mania” bit with the crowd and Rock has goosebumps.

As for the wrestlers here tonight, there’s one in particular sitting in the back trying to decide which Fruity Pebbles shirt to wear to the ring tonight. We get the required Fruity Pebbles chant as Rock keeps stalling. Before continuing, Rock has to have some of the People’s Water (his words not mine). Now when he says Yabba, the people say Dabba. If it’s not clear by now, he has no idea what to say here for the most part.

Rock lists off all of his own nicknames to say he’s hosting while rhyming a bit (“Always defiant and standing taller than Andre the Giant”) before saying that IF YA SMELL belongs to the people. Everyone says it with him and that’s finally that. This was six minutes long and had about enough material to fill in a third of that.

We get the usual Wrestlemania through history video to show how important it’s been over the last 27 years.

Cole, a heel here, says this is the fabric of Americana. That’s a bit of a stretch I’d think.

Smackdown World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. Edge

Del Rio is challenging and comes out in a Rolls Royce. The video screen is made to look like a driveway for Del Rio to be driving from in a cool sight. Also at ringside is Del Rio’s bodyguard Brodus Clay. Does anyone even remember that association? Christian is of course here to second Edge. Alberto sends him into the corner to start but Edge comes back with some hard slaps. A backdrop puts Alberto down and a second one puts him on the floor.

Back in and Del Rio grabs an armbar to take over, only to be armdragged down. Alberto goes right back to the arm as Brodus talks trash. Back to the armbar but Del Rio misses a charge and falls out to the floor. Edge dives off the top to take Del Rio down again and we head back inside. The champion heads to the top but Alberto pulls him down with a top rope armdrag for two. Edge comes back with a big boot to get himself a breather but he can’t follow up.

A running forearm puts Del Rio down again and a flapjack gets two. Alberto grabs a Codebreaker to the arm but the cross armbreaker is countered into an Edge-O-Matic for two. Del Rio rolls through a rollup and grabs the armbreaker but Edge gets his feet on the ropes to quickly escape. Edge snaps Alberto’s neck on the top rope but as he goes up top, Del Rio hits the enziguri in the corner for two.

Brodus and Christian get in a fight on the floor but Del Rio kicks Christian down. There’s the Edgecution to set up the spear but it hits post instead. The armbreaker goes on but Edge keeps his hands together….for a minute before Alberto gets the hold on full. Edge gets on top of Alberto to break it up and there’s the Edgecator (modified Sharpshooter) but Del Rio rolls away. Not that it matters as Edge pops up and hits the spear to retain.

Rating: C+. For a world title match at Wrestlemania, this was a disappointment. For Edge’s last match because his neck was REALLY messed up, this was pretty decent stuff. Edge would retire a few days later and vacate the title, which says to me that he should have put Del Rio over here. At the end of the day it makes Alberto look weak to lose to a guy that banged up but it did give Edge a good moment to go out on. Nothing great though.

Post match Edge beats up Del Rio’s car and Alberto….lets him. Christian provides a pipe and the real beating of the car begins. This had to happen sooner or later. Cole brings up a good point: “Someone should arrest them.” True actually, but then again Orton didn’t get arrested for trying to blow up John Cena, so this is minor by comparison.

Tough Enough is coming. That show was awesome.

Cole taunts Lawler a bit before their match later.

Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio

Cody used to be Dashing but then Rey hit him with the 619 and the knee brace hit Cody in the face, scarring him and requiring facial surgery. Cody basically became Dr. Doom but in reality his face was fine. However he wanted Rey’s mask for retribution. This was an AWESOME character but of course WWE would wind up wasting the entire thing and make Cody a jobber because they got bored with him after a few months. Still though, this part was awesome.

Oh yeah the match. Rey comes out as Captain America this year which is an awesome looking costume for him. Rey is almost immediately sent to the apron but comes in off the top with a dropkick to take over. A forearm to Rey’s face takes over and Cody goes after the knee brace which caused the initial injury. Rey kicks his way out of the corner but Cody headbutts him in the face to take over again because of the hard mask.

The Disaster Kick to the head puts Rey down again and it’s off to a chinlock. Cody charges into a boot in the corner but comes right back with the Alabama Slam for two. Back to the knee brace for a second before Cody hits a running knee to the back of Rey’s head to keep him down. Mysterio is sent to the apron again and goes up top, only to be sent down in a delayed superplex. Cody stomps away and talks about how Rey hurt his face.

Rey escapes Cross Rhodes and sends Cody out to the floor for a baseball slide to the face. A headscissors sends Cody into the apron and we head back inside to speed things up. Rey hooks a quick quick rollup for two and fires off a kick to the face. Cody charges into a kick to the ribs but comes back with a release German suplex for two. A springboard headscissors puts Cody down but the 619 is caught in mid kick. Cody slingshots Rey’s throat into the middle rope for two more and now the knee brace is removed.

Rey comes right back with a moonsault press for two of his own and Cody loses his mask. The 619 hits and a hard kick to Cody’s head gets two more. Now Mysterio puts Cody’s mask on and hits a few headbutts with it before hitting a top rope headbutt to the chest for two. Cody rolls to the floor and sneaks in a shot to the face with the knee brace, followed up by Cross Rhodes for the upset pin.

Rating: B-. Good match here and pretty easily Cody’s biggest win ever to this point. Cody needed this win a lot more than Mysterio and it made him even more awesome than he already was before this match. Mysterio had nothing to gain here and it was a pleasant sight to see the hotter star go over like that.

We go to the back for our comedy segment of the night. Teddy is in the back with Snoop Dog for a talent search. First up we have William Regal dropping some rhymes on us. Snoop says it’s not gangster enough for him. Here are Khali and Beth Phoenix to sing Summer Loving from Grease. It would have been better as Natalya but still not bad. Finally we have Ryder singing Friday (now THERE’S a dated joke), only to be blasted with a chair by Piper. Snoop is….pleased? Masters does his pec dance to We Will Rock You with Yoshi Tatsu providing vocals. Horny raps and we have a winner. The Bellas come in to dance too.

Corre vs. Big Show/Kane/Kofi Kingston/Santino Marella

Corre is the sequel to Nexus and is made up of Barrett/Slater/Gabriel/Jackson. Barrett is IC Champion and Slater/Gabriel are tag champions. Santino and Slater start things off but after a quick hiptoss from Marella here’s Big Show. Matthews: “He’s certainly not unorthodox.” Yeah actually he is, given how big he is. Everything breaks down and Kofi kicks Barrett’s head off. In all the calamity, Santino Cobras Slater into the WMD for the pin in just over 90 seconds. This would be the replacement for MITB for the Mania payday.

Rock kind of hits on Eve Torres in the back. But enough of that as Rock says he can make magic with anyone that comes around the corner. I called this one before it happened live: Mae Young pops up and says she wants the People’s Strudel. Rock suggests the Moses variety instead and makes various other old people jokes. Mae smack’s Rock’s pants and leaves so Rock can say he wishes that was ANYONE else.

He turns around and locks eyes with Steve Austin. They look at each other and say it’s good to see each other with Rock asking if Austin remembers. Austin says he does and they shake hands. This wasn’t a funny moment but one of those where you could actually feel the intensity. Also to brag a bit, I called both of those appearances before they happened live.

We recap Randy Orton vs. CM Punk. Back in 2008, Orton cost Punk the title for no apparent reason by keeping him out of the Championship Scramble at Unforgiven. Two and a half years later, Punk jumped Orton and said he was doing this as revenge for Orton costing him that shot. Punk had since taken over the Nexus and sent them after Orton, who took them out one by one in a few weeks (Note that Cena spent six months fighting them and took out one guy while Orton took out about five in as many weeks). Tonight is the showdown.

Randy Orton vs. CM Punk

The cylinder from last year is now a cube which still has the videos playing on them. Orton immediately takes it to the floor and pounds away, but Punk jumps over the steps and kicks them into Orton’s knees. Back in and Orton stays on the knees for a quick two count. Punk of course mocks the knee injury before stomping at the legs even more. Randy grabs a quick backbreaker but Punk comes back with a kind of Stunner to the leg for two.

Punk hits the running knee in the corner but Orton falls down before he can hit the bulldog. The straightedge one stays on the knee and puts Orton in the Tree of Woe. In a cool bit, Orton tries to pull himself up but Punk drops a top rope knee to take Randy right back down. The GTS is countered but Punk breaks up the RKO with a high kick for two. Punk loads up the Macho Elbow but Orton crotches him down instead. A superplex puts Punk down but the cover is very delayed and only gets two.

Punk wraps the knee around the post a few times and Orton is in big trouble. Off to a modified Indian deathlock for a bit but Orton fights back and slugs Punk down to take over. Punk comes back with a basic kick to the knee and there’s the Anaconda Vice. Orton rolls over and the fans never once seemed nervous about a tap out. CM heads out to the apron and is rammed into the post, followed by the Elevated DDT. Orton loads up the Punt but the knee gives out. Punk heads to the outside and loads up the springboard clothesline but dives right into the RKO for the pin by Randy.

Rating: B. Good solid match here which should have been the end of the feud, but since this is WWE, there was a gimmick rematch the next month because that’s how WWE books feuds. You know, because WRESTLEMANIA isn’t good enough to end a story at. Anyway, very good match here between two guys with solid chemistry together.

The Rock and Gene Okerlund are in the back and they meet John Cena’s #1 fan: Pee Wee Herman. He’s not my kind of comedy but Rock recruits him to Team Bring It. Gene calls Herman a tool.

BUY THE WRESTLEMANIA DVD!

Hall of Fame time. The class of 2011: Abdullah the Butcher, Sunny, Road Warriors, Drew Carey, Bob Armstrong, Jim Duggan (with bowtie on the 2×4) and……that Shawn Michaels guy.

Here’s a Wrestlemania Recall from….Monday night? It’s Lawler and Swagger, Cole’s trainer for his match tonight, brawling.

We don’t bother recapping Cole vs. Lawler, but basically Cole has been heel since November and even cost Jerry the WWE Title a few months ago. After months and months, tonight is Lawler’s revenge. Swagger has been training Cole and Austin is guest referee. Booker and JR come out to do commentary with Josh.

Cole comes out in a Syracuse hoodie and headgear to match. He makes fun of JR for being fat and Lawler for having a big ego. This is going to be Lawler’s first Wrestlemania match.

Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole

Austin rides out on his ATV and sends Cole into his plastic cube. Cole warms up in his cube as Lawler and Austin wait in the ring. Austin rings the bell and Lawler goes right for Michael. He has to punch Swagger out first and sends him into the barricade for good measure. Cole begs for mercy and reaches his hand through the hole in the cube for a handshake, only to be pulled face first into the wall. Lawler climbs in and pounds away before bringing Cole out into the open.

Swagger interferes again and Cole gets a breather before actually hitting a baseball slide. Jack puts on the ankle lock as Cole is in control here. Back in and Michael works on the ankle some more as he’s actually maintaining control. Cole loads up a Vader Bomb but can only do it off the bottom rope for two. It’s remarkable that a former world champion is in this much trouble after a few shots by an announcer isn’t it?

Cole starts going after the ankle again as we’re somehow EIGHT MINUTES into this. The crowd chants boring and they’re absolutely right. Cole takes down a strap and puts on the An-Cole (yes that’s what it’s called) Lock but Lawler easily breaks it. After nine minutes plus, Jerry FINALLY comes back and starts pounding away. Swagger throws in a towel but Austin wipes his head with it and throws it back. Jack gets in the ring and is Stunned for his efforts.

Now Cole gets in Austin’s face but walks into a right hand from Jerry as the real beating begins. There’s a dropkick for good measure to put Cole down and it’s time for the middle rope punch, complete with a point to the sign and the peeling down of the strap. Jerry covers him but pulls it up at two. Lawler puts on the ankle lock and Cole immediately tabs. Austin asks if he gives up veeeeeeeeeery slowly. Cole: “YES YES I GIVE UP I GIVE UP!” Austin: “ARE YOU SURE!” The bell finally rings and we’re done.

Rating: D-. Oh this was terrible. This ran THIRTEEN AND A HALF MINUTES with Lawler getting beaten up for nearly ten of that. This should have been five minutes long with Lawler not even breaking a sweat. I can live with the lack of a piledriver for company rules, but the fist should have ended it rather than the ankle lock. At least it couldn’t get worse though.

Swagger carries Cole out and it’s time to drink. Booker comes in for no apparent reason and Lawler (a notorious non-drinker) has a chance to drop his beers. We get a Spinarooni and Booker gets a Stunner for stealing the spotlight.

And then it happens.

We get an e-mail from the Anonymous Raw GM, saying that since Austin got physical, the decision is reversed and Cole wins by DQ. If there has EVER been a dumber idea in wrestling history, I have no idea what it is. Lawler would get the win TWO MONTHS LATER and the GM would eventually be revealed to be Hornswoggle of all people. This is just so stupid. Austin gives Josh, the messenger, the Stunner for good measure. Also to keep the people from booing this out of the building anymore than they already are.

We get a video on Wrestlemania week.

We recap HHH Undertaker. In short, Shawn couldn’t do it the last two years, so now it’s HHH’s turn to try. Both guys talked about how big this was and how awesome they were and it’s no holds barred for no real apparent reason.

HHH vs. Undertaker

HHH comes out with a phalanx of soldiers, in battle gear and to a LONG version of For Whom the Bell Tolls by Metallica. Does it make up for the Thor entrance? No, but it’s pretty awesome. Taker comes out to Ain’t No Grave Can Hold My Body Down (or whatever its name is) by Johnny Cash. HHH pounds him into the corner to start but gets launched over the top rope for his efforts. The Game fires off more right hands but gets sent into the steps to break the momentum again.

HHH comes back by spearing him into the Cole Mine (JR and King are doing commentary now) but Taker sits up with ease. Back in and Taker hits the jumping clothesline but Old School is countered. A clothesline puts Taker onto the floor and HHH whips him into the barricade for good measure. HHH loads up the announce table but the Pedigree attempt is countered by a backdrop to the floor.

Taker goes back inside and busts out the Taker Dive for good measure. Thankfully this time he had HHH there to catch him. The steps are placed in front of the other table and Taker charges at HHH, only to be caught in the spinebuster through the table to put both guys down again. Back in and HHH walks into a chokeslam for a close two. HHH drives Taker into the corner and starts pounding away, only to get caught in the Last Ride ala Wrestlemania 17. He escapes this time though, only to have his Pedigree attempt countered. Snake Eyes connects but the big boot is countered into another spinebuster.

HHH brings in a chair but gets kicked in the face to give Taker the chair. The Game absorbs a shot to the back and grabs a quick Pedigree for two. Triple H pounds away in the corner again and now the Last Ride connects for two. The Tombstone also hits for two and Taker is getting frustrated. As he picks up HHH, the Game comes back with a DDT onto the chair for no cover. Both guys slowly fight to their feet and there’s another Pedigree and a VERY slow count for two.

A third Pedigree hits and the crowd is barely popping anymore on these kickouts as we’re reaching the point of ridiculousness. HHH blasts him in the back with the chair eight times but he’s too gassed to follow up. A ninth cracks Undertaker in the head and the Dead Man is in trouble. There are about 45 seconds of nothing in between these shots by the way. Taker can’t sit up so HHH yells at him to stay down. A chokeslam attempt is easily shrugged off but Taker gets to his feet in the corner.

HHH tombstones Undertaker but even with the tongue out it only gets two. Again, if your name isn’t Kane, THAT DOESN’T WORK. HHH goes to the floor and gets the sledgehammer but walks into the Hell’s Gate. He drops the hammer but the hold is locked on tight. HHH starts to pass out but gets the hammer again. Then he drops it again and HHH taps out to make Undertaker 19-0.

Rating: B. I’m pretty sure that’s what I gave it live and it barely holds up to that level now. At the end of the day, this was treated like a match where Taker was beaten down so much that he couldn’t possibly come back. The problem with the match is exactly that: it only felt like a match designed to be as one sided as possible for him to make the comeback. Think of it like the Aristocrats joke: take it as far as you can go and then get to the surprise ending. As mentioned, the fans didn’t even react to the near falls by the end. It also didn’t feel natural at all, much like the two Shawn matches. Good, but definitely not great.

Taker is carted out, which was the inspiration for the rematch, as HHH made it sound like he won the match.

Wrestlemania next year is in Miami.

John Morrison/Snooki/Trish Stratus vs. Laycool/Dolph Ziggler

Barely any story here as it’s just there to give us Snooki, which is supposed to mean something. Vickie is with Laycool here because she’s already screwing Dolph at this point. Trish is STUNNING as a brunette here too. Laycool attacks to start and the guys get involved as well. Michelle shoves Layla to start so Trish comes in and beats Michelle up. The Matrish is broken up with a stomp but Trish escapes the Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) with a facebuster.

Michelle and Stratus slug it out on the top before falling to the floor at the same time. Layla tries to interfere and gets decked as well, only to have Trish dive off the apron and take both of them out. The Chick Kick gets two on Michelle as the guys come in sans tags. Starship Pain to the floor takes Ziggy out and there’s the tag to Snooki for a handspring elbow to Michelle. That and a splash are good for the pin.

Rating: D+. Trish and Laycool looked hot, Snooki did her two moves decently enough, the guys did almost nothing at all and Vickie was kept to a minimum in the less than three and a half minutes this ran. For a match that short with Trish looking that good, how much can you really complain here? Laycool would be split in a month with Michelle leaving the company.

The new attendance record is 71,617. Woot.

Do you need a recap of Cena vs. Miz? Miz is champion and it’s Cena at Wrestlemania.

Anyway we do get a video of Miz’s rise from MTV to Wrestlemania main event, cut in with great Wrestlemania moments. I’ll give them this: Miz’s rise from total joke to what he became is nothing short of remarkable. How Cena got the shot isn’t even mentioned here. I think he won the Chamber match.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. The Miz

Miz, complete with the SWEET coat, comes out through a set of balloons spelling out the word AWESOME. Oh and Alex Riley is here too. Cena has a full on gospel choir to sing him to the ring. That’s rather awesome. We get a prayer set to a Cena career video. If nothing else, this lets us see a gospel choir singing “Your time is up, my time is now.” It gets booed out of the building, but it does exist.

Feeling out process to start with Miz being taken down by a headlock. Miz grabs a headlock of his own but gets thrown down yet again. A test of strength is teased but Cena grabs another headlock instead. Not much to see yet. Miz fights into the corner and stomps away before hitting the corner clothesline for two. Matt Hardy’s Side Effect gets two more as we’re firmly in first gear here. Another corner clothesline misses and Cena comes back with a regular clothesline for two.

A big boot to the head gets two for Miz as the crowd continues to be dead silent for this. Cena misses a….cross body I think and falls to the apron. A Million Dollar Kneelift gets two for the champion but the Skull Crushing Finale is reversed and Cena fires off the shoulder blocks. The finishing sequence continues but Miz escapes the AA into a low DDT for two. Miz escapes the STF and hits the Reality Check for two more. The champion removes a buckle pad and as the referee puts it back on, Cena gets an unseen small package for two.

Another AA attempt is blocked with Miz grabbing the top rope. Instead it’s the STF but Miz quickly gets to the rope. Riley gets on the apron and the distraction is enough to send Cena into the buckle (apparently the referee is a bad repairman) and the Skull Crushing Finale gets two. Another Finale is reversed and the referee is bumped. The AA (ZERO pop) hits but there’s no one to count. Riley comes in with a briefcase shot to the head which gets another two on Cena.

Alex tries to come in again but Miz’s case shot takes him out by mistake. A BIG release AA hits again but Miz kicks out at two. They head outside and Cena clotheslines Miz over the barricade into the timekeeper’s area. Miz tries to get up and Cena spears him down, sending Miz’s head HARD into the concrete. I’ve heard Miz say that gave him a concussion and as a result he doesn’t remember a thing about this match. It looked TERRIBLE too, and it actually ends the match, as in the MAIN EVENT OF WRESTLEMANIA, in a double countout.

Rating: D-. The second half of this match got WAY better than the first, but the problem is it’s a fifteen minute match and the first seven or so are ridiculously boring. On top of that, did I mention it was a DOUBLE COUNTOUT IN THE MAIN EVENT OF WRESTLEMANIA??? The only good thing here was Miz kicking out of the AA in the middle of the ring. That’s how you make a guy look good. The rest of the match however is how you make someone look HORRIBLE, much like the match. Terrible stuff here as Miz wasn’t ready for this, which is what almost everyone thought would happen.

Oh wait here’s Rock, who apparently has match making powers as host (why he didn’t change the Lawler/Cole match earlier is anyone’s guess). After ignoring another e-mail, he restarts this under No DQ rules. The bell rings, Cena can’t hit the AA, Rock hits the Rock Bottom on Cena, Miz retains.

Post match Rock beats up Miz to a very limited reaction and it’s the People’s Elbow to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Back in 2011 when I first watched this, I said out loud “What did I just watch?” That’s the same thing I’m wondering now, because this was terrible. Taker vs. HHH and Orton vs. Punk are both solid matches, but other than that this might as well have been Over the Limit instead of Wrestlemania. Basically this was there to set up the next edition of the show, which is pretty much a big screw you to the fans. Nothing to see here other than MAYBE HHH vs. Undertaker, but other than that there’s nothing of quality going on. One interesting note though: this is the only Mania ever with no title changes.

Ratings Comparison

Edge vs. Alberto Del Rio

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: B

Redo: B-

Corre vs. Kane/Santino Marella/Kofi Kingston/Big Show

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

CM Punk vs. Randy Orton

Original: B-

Redo: B

Michael Cole vs. Jerry Lawler

Original: C

Redo: D-

Undertaker vs. HHH

Original: B

Redo: B

Snooki/Trish Stratus/John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler/Laycool

Original: N/A

Redo: D+

Miz vs. John Cena

Original: C-

Redo: D-

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

Oh man was I too nice to this show back in the day.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/04/03/wrestlemania-27-not-sure-on-this-one/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.