Forgotten Cell Matches
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Pat McAfee, Jimmy Smith, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves

This is another idea where the name says it all, which makes for an interesting situation. In this case we have the most violent match WWE has to offer but you never know which version of things you’ll be getting. I’m curious about this set as there have been so many of these things over the years that it is easy to forget some of them. Let’s get to it.

From Monday Night Raw, June 15, 1998.

Steve Austin/Undertaker vs. Mankind/Kane

Paul Bearer is here with the villains and wants Austin and Undertaker out here right now. Mankind even goes into a rhyming poem about the violence of the Cell (with the mesh ripping up your flesh) to help get them come to the ring. Austin comes out but Undertaker doesn’t show up, which seems like a ruse. Mankind goes after Austin on the floor but gets the door slammed onto him.

Kane goes after Austin and Bearer locks himself in the Cell (uh oh) as Kane gets an ugly backdrop on the ramp. And indeed the Undertaker pops up through the ring and kicks Bearer in the face as the beating is on. Kane climbs the Cell as Austin comes back to beat up Mankind.

Bearer gets sent into the cage and is busted open, with Undertaker kicking at the head as Mankind is sent into the Cell wall. Austin knocks Mankind down with a chair and goes up top to beat up Kane as the show ends. If there was an opening bell, I never heard it, but this was just a big angle anyway, with Austin never even getting inside the Cell.

From Monday Night Raw, August 24, 1998.

Mankind vs. Kane

Mankind starts throwing chairs at the roof of the Cell but they fall back onto him. Instead he climbs up but gets pulled down by Undertaker (at ringside), sending him through the table (JR: “IT HAPPENED AGAIN!”). Kane beats Mankind around ringside and slams the Cell door on his head as they both finally get inside. The door is locked and we’ll say the match officially starts.

Kane beats on him with the steps before hitting a big dive over the top for the crash. Mankind avoids the steps being tossed and chairs Kane in the head before pouring out the bag of tacks. That takes too long (of course) and Kane kicks him into the tacks, only for Mankind to come back with the Mandible Claw. The Cactus piledriver puts Kane down but he’s back up with a nasty chair shot to knock him off the top.

The chokeslam and Tombstone knock Mankind silly and Undertaker gives Kane the throat slit. Three straight chair shots to the head set up another Tombstone onto the chair but Austin comes out from under the ring to jump Kane for the….I’m thinking DQ but we’ll say no contest at 4:28.

Rating: D. Yeah that’s what Russo thought the Cell should be: nothing more than a way to build up a PPV match between Undertaker and Austin was to have the Tag Team Champions (yes Kane and Mankind were a team here) fight in the Cell. The match wasn’t even the main event of the show, as there were two more matches to go, plus part of the Brawl For All. I would say I get the idea, but I really don’t, as it’s that stupid in so many ways.

Post match Austin unloads on Kane with the chair and a Stunner as Undertaker is on top of the Cell trying to get inside. The Cell is raised (with Undertaker still on it) and Austin gives Kane another Stunner.

From Monday Night Raw, September 26, 2011 (post show dark match).

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Jack Swagger vs. CM Punk vs. Alberto Del Rio

Cena is defending and this is a match thrown together after a big beatdown of Cena and Punk ended the show. Ziggler (short hair version) and Swagger choke Punk in the corner as Del Rio beats on Cena in another corner. Swagger and Del Rio change places but Cena fights back and gets in a bulldog. Del Rio cuts Cena off again and Cena hits a Vader Bomb for two with Punk making the save (this is basically a five way match in name only as it’s basically a handicap tag).

Cena is back up with the finishing sequence to Del Rio as everyone else fights on the floor. As usual the AA doesn’t work so Punk gives Del Rio a GTS. That earns him a Zig Zag before Swagger ankle locks Ziggler. An AA to Swagger retains at 5:09. Punk’s “oh well” look as his eyes go back and forth boosts things up a lot.

Rating: C. To be fair, it’s a dark match so you can only get so mad at something like this. The point here wasn’t to blow the roof off the place or anything close, but rather just have a fun match to wrap up the night. That’s all they did and it went fairly well, though it really did just feel like a tag match for the most part.

From the June 18, 2021 Smackdown.

Smackdown World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Rey Mysterio

Reigns (who recently attacked Mysterio’s son Dominik) is defending and has to take a chair away from a swinging Mysterio to start. A fire extinguisher to the head (spray and canister) work a bit better for Mysterio, as does a running shot with a toolbox. We take a break and come back with Mysterio striking away with a chair.

Said chair is wrapped around Reigns’ throat and sent into various things and a quick Reigns spear only hits (and breaks) table. A sunset bomb is blocked though and Reigns sends Mysterio into the Cell over and over. We take another break and come back again with a spear being countered via a dropkick.

Another spear attempt only hits post and Mysterio gets in the 619. Now the chair shots can work a bit better and Mysterio splashes the chair onto Reigns in a less than brilliant move. A chairless frog splash can connect for two so Mysterio tries the seated senton, only to get LAUNCHED into the Cell with a toss powerbomb. The cravate choke makes Mysterio tap at 17:13.

Rating: B. Believe it or not, Mysterio knows how to fight a power guy in a match where he can use weapons to even things up. This is what Mysterio has done for so much of his career and it still worked here. While Mysterio winning was a long shot, he’s enough of a legend that it just kind of barely feels possible and that’s more than enough. Not a great match, but for free TV, I’ll definitely take it.

From the June 21, 2021 Monday Night Raw (yes, the second time in four days).

Raw World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Xavier Woods

Lashley, with MVP (as canceled out by Kofi Kingston) is defending. Woods hits an early dropkick into the corner but Lashley is right back with some shoulders to the ribs. A clothesline takes Woods down again and a lifting Downward Spiral gives Lashley two. They go to the floor and fight over a chair, which Lashley punches into Woods’ face.

Back in and Woods knocks him to the floor again, with a dropkick through the ropes connecting. A chair shot knocks Lashley down on the floor and Woods gets to unload with chair shots. We take a break and come back with Lashley choking away before tying him up in the ring skirt. Woods’ comeback is cut off again and Lashley steps on his head.

Woods realizes that having his head stepped on isn’t great (sit down Tony Atlas) and kicks out the leg in a smart move. Some kendo stick shots put Lashley on the floor and a wheelbarrow faceplant gives Woods two. A springboard tornado DDT gets the same and an amazing Limit Breaker puts Lashley through a table (with Woods almost overshooting him) for two more. Back up and Lashley sends him face first into the chair in the corner, meaning the spear can connect as well. The Hurt Lock retains the title at 13:30.

Rating: C+. This is where the opponent comes into play. Woods is incredibly talented and it’s very cool to see him getting this kind of a shot. However, unlike the Mysterio match, it never once felt like the title was in jeopardy. Mysterio was a long shot, but he felt like he had a prayer. That wasn’t the case here and it gave the match a very different dynamic (and not necessarily in a bad way). Lashley was on a roll at this point though and it was clear why he was smashing through so many people.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a weird collection as “Forgotten” is kind of a misleading title (if nothing else, it’s hard to forget a match that didn’t air in the first place). It’s more like “Cell Matches At TV Shows” and one of them didn’t seem to even be a match in the first place.

There’s a reason the Cell isn’t used at TV very often, as it felt out of place here. Throw in doing it twice in four days (apparently due to the TV networks being jealous of each other (seriously) and it was kind of a weird time. That being said, it’s still fun to look back like this, as these went through multiple eras that you might have….forgotten. Ok they win.

 

 

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Summerslam 1998
Date: August 30, 1998
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 21,588
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is the Summerslam you guys requested that I do for the third time and I’m very glad that you picked a good one. 1998 was the year where the WWF really turned things around in the Monday Night Wars and Summerslam was the biggest show of the year, easily surpassing a two match show at Wrestlemania. The main event here is Undertaker vs. Austin for the title, but there are questions about Undertaker’s loyalties to Vince and Kane. Let’s get to it.

Unfortunately the opening video isn’t the one set to AC/DC but instead a well done video of Austin wondering if Undertaker and Kane are in cahoots (I love that word) against him. Vince has guaranteed that Undertaker will win the title with Kane helping him out tonight.

Before the first match, we get a quick announcement that Austin attacked a hearse that either Kane or Undertaker might have been inside. Thank goodness this is 1998 because today we’d get a series of videos from WWE.com and the YouTube channel showing how it happened and speculation over who was in it and words from 10 people on what it means. Instead just mention it here and move on because there’s other stuff to get to than a million recaps.

The entrance is a black gate over a red background with smoke in the aisle, directly opposite the hard camera. That’s such a cool visual and it works really well here.

European Title: D’Lo Brown vs. Val Venis

Brown is defending in a match that doesn’t have any real backstory, but it does have a sixth minute time limit. I love the name graphic covering Val’s gyrating crotch. Val’s pre-match speech is about coming, seeing and coming again. Brown is billed from Helsinki because he’s a real European.

Venis tries to chop the champ but hurts his arm on the chest protector, because of a very slow healing injury. A Russian legsweep works a bit better and Brown bails to the floor. That means it’s time to gyrate and the high pitched screams suggest it worked well. Back in and a spinebuster gets two on Brown as we see the mysterious rookie Edge watching from the crowd.

Venis misses a splash and since JR is JR, he points out that the splash would have hurt Val even more because of the chest protector. Brown gets in his first big move with an (appropriately) Irish whip into the corner to put Venis down. Back up and an overhead t-bone suplex of all things gives Val a breather, only to have the champ slam him down and drop a leg for two. JR gives us a great stat: Brown is 27 and Venis is 26. It’s a really good idea to bring up how young these guys are, especially when they’re doing well like this.

Another slam stays on Val’s back and Brown is smart enough to slap on a Texas cloverleaf for some psychology. D’Lo slams him again with Lawler saying “here comes some more!”, which I think was a soundbyte in WWF Attitude, a Nintendo 64 game. Val goes up but dives into a modified Sky High for no cover as Brown took himself out too. A DDT plants Val (really good one too) for a near fall and the New York fans are appreciating this match.

Brown goes up but opts for the second rope, allowing Venis to catch him in a powerslam for another near fall. Val drops him with a butterfly suplex but the Money Shot hits knees. You would think hitting the chest protector would have hurt just as much but close enough at least. Brown can’t get him up for a powerbomb and almost drops Val on the back of his head in a scary spot.

The second attempt gives us a Liger Bomb, allowing the referee to make sure Val doesn’t have a broken neck. The champ misses the Low Down (Lawler: “How does Val Venis continue to rise up like that?) and they slug it out from their knees. Val finally wakes up and takes off the chest protector, only to put it on himself. The referee isn’t pleased and accidentally crotches Venis on top, causing Val to shove him down for the DQ.

Rating: B. This is one of the biggest “WHERE DID THAT COME FROM” moments in wrestling history as both guys had the match of their lives here but never got close to it again. They were just beating the tar out of each other out there and working as hard as I’ve ever seen them go, making for one heck of an opener and a borderline classic. Give this an ending and it’s even higher.

Venis beats up the referee and gives him the Money Shot post match.

Mankind laments the destruction of the hearse and plugs the Brisco Brothers Body Shop. Maybe he can use his sledgehammer after all.

Kai En Tai vs. Oddities

This is a 4-3 handicap match but more importantly, the Insane Clown Posse play the Oddities to the ring and blow the roof off the place. As usual, Kurrgan dancing badly is one of my favorite things in wrestling due to how serious his face looks. Golga (the 6’8, 450lb Earthquake) starts with Light Heavyweight Champion Taka Michinoku and all four Kai En Tai members are destroyed in about eight seconds.

Golga steals Yamaguchi-San’s (Kai En Tai’s manager) shoes and almost falls down from the smell. Kurrgan comes in to face Funaki and is nice enough to get on his knees so they can be the same height. I always appreciate a polite dancing monster. Kurrgan throws all four of them around just as easily as Golga did as this isn’t going well for the Japanese contingent. Off to Giant Silva, who is about 4 inches taller than Kurrgan, who could look down at Undertaker.

All four try Silva at the same time and the Oddities go 3-3 in their dominance. Silva puts all four of them in the corner before his partners come in to help whip everyone across the ring. Now it’s Taka being launched over the top onto the other three. This is getting hilarious with how one sided it is. Funaki and Men’s Teioh come in and double dropkick Golga before actually slamming him down.

Four straight top rope splashes keep Golga in trouble and four straight legdrops get no cover. The referee is fine with letting all four of them in there but can you blame him at this point? Golga clotheslines all four of them at once (that looked cool) and all three Oddities come in, leaving Yamaguchi-San to get beaten up by Luna Vachon. A triple quadruple chokeslam lets Golga pin all four men at once for the win.

Rating: C+. I know they’re not very good and they were never going anywhere, but I’ll always have a soft spot for the Oddities. They’re a total guilty pleasure for me but I have such a good time watching them. It’s an act where you know what you should be getting and that’s exactly what you got. Total comedy match here but I had fun.

Jeff Jarrett vs. X-Pac

This is hair vs. hair with Howard Finkel in X-Pac’s corner due to Jarrett and his cronies Southern Justice (the heel Godwinns, in an even worse gimmick) shaved his hair earlier in the night. We even get Howard doing the crotch chop to really pop the crowd. Jarrett is told to suck it and goes after X-Pac to start, only to get kicked in the face to send him outside, followed by a nice middle rope plancha.

Jeff tries a sunset flip back inside but X-Pac just steps to the side. I don’t remember seeing that anywhere else but it’s a very smart counter. X-Pac is very talented in the ring, all of his outside the ring shenanigans aside. Things get a bit too quick though and X-Pac gets crotched against the post to stop his momentum cold.

Back in and a powerslam gets two for Jeff as they’re keeping this quick enough to not bore the New York crowd with Jarrett’s Memphis style. We hit the sleeper on X-Pac and it’s so strange to hear Fink’s familiar voice as a cheerleader. X-Pac does the same sequence to counter the sleeper that has happened in every Jeff Jarrett match ever but Jeff puts him on the top instead of suplexing him down.

The middle rope cross body misses, just like the spinwheel kick and Jarrett is in trouble. Like any good southern villain with his opponent on the mat, Jeff slaps on a figure four, despite not touching X-Pac’s legs so far. A rope is quickly grabbed and now the belly to back puts Jarrett down but X-Pac can’t follow up.

Jarrett gets two off a high cross body but his leapfrog is countered into a sitout powerbomb for the same. A Bronco Buster attempt hits a raised boot but Finkel distracts the referee (Fink: “HE KICKED HIM IN THE BALLS!”), allowing X-Pac to hit a quick X Factor for no cover. Instead here’s Southern Justice to slide in a guitar but the distraction lets X-Pac take it away from Jeff and knock him silly for the pin.

Rating: C+. It’s another match where both guys were working hard to get a pretty uninteresting match over and that’s exactly what they did. Jarrett is in his element here as a bully midcarder who gets his comeuppance at the hands of a popular act. Read as: NOT A MAIN EVENT WORLD TITLE CONTENDER.

The New Age Outlaws, Droz and the Headbangers come out to make sure Jarrett gets his hair shaved. Jeff arguing with the referee about the guitar as he’s held in the chair is great stuff.

Doc Hendrix previews the Lion’s Den, a UFC knockoff.

Rock is pleased by attacking HHH’s knee on Sunday Night Heat earlier in the night. We get a guarantee that Rock is retaining the title tonight, if you smell what he’s cooking. Kevin Kelly: “Well there you ha….” Rock: “Shut up.”

Sable/??? vs. Jacqueline/Marc Mero

Sable needs a mystery partner to help her out here after Mero dumped her for Jacqueline. This led to some contests between the two with Jacqueline getting the upper hand most of the time due to a combination of Mero and, you know, being a wrestler. Sable comes to the ring alone but introduces her partner as…..Edge. The guys get things going with Mero stomping away in the corner until Edge comes back with some Japanese armdrags.

Lawler isn’t sure if this is Edge or The Edge. Jacqueline comes in so Sable demands a tag, sending Jacqueline scurrying off to the floor. It’s back to the guys but Jacqueline grabs Edge’s leg to let Mero take over again. Edge escapes the TKO and takes Mero down with a DDT to give himself a breather. The double tag brings in the women and it’s catfight time. A chase sends Jacqueline to the floor but Mero is waiting on Sable.

That’s fine with her as she loads up a powerbomb, only to have Jacqueline jump her to take over again. That earns Jacqueline a half decent TKO but it’s Mero making a save this time. Back up and Jacqueline hits Mero by mistake, giving Sable the opening to fix her hair. Edge comes in and dives on Mero to fire the crowd up again. Jacqueline gets a spanking to keep them rolling, followed by a high cross body for two on Marc.

More heel miscommunication puts Jacqueline on the floor and Mero gets crotched on top. Sable busts out a top rope hurricanrana for two, followed by the worst “accidental falling headbutt into a low blow” from Jacqueline to Mero. Edge plants Mero with the Downward Spiral (actually called that) and picks Sable up for a splash to give her the pin.

Rating: D. Yeah I still don’t care for this one. Sable was a very popular character and it made sense to put her on this show, but it’s still not a good match. Edge getting a big spot like this is a nice touch, but it’s still not an interesting match or story. Thankfully the Sable vs. Mero stuff would wrap up soon after this and Edge would go on to be part of the Brood.

Mankind is told that Kane can’t be his partner tonight so maybe he should just forfeit the titles. If the fans want their money’s worth though, maybe Michael Cole can be his partner. Or better yet, maybe Mankind can go play in the traffic. Vince comes in and brings up Mankind hitchhiking to Madison Square Garden as a teenager. The boss thinks Mankind can defend the titles against the Outlaws on his own, even though he doesn’t have a sledgehammer.

Vince hands him what looks like a candelabra and a cookie sheet. That’s enough to inspire Mankind and he has thirteen words for the Outlaws: “How much would would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?” Well no one ever accused Foley of making the most sense. I have no idea why but I always loved this segment as Mankind was so perfect for this character and Vince manipulating him was always entertaining.

We recap Owen Hart vs. Ken Shamrock, which is more about Dan Severn and his manly mustache against Shamrock in a UFC feud. Severn was Owen’s trainer and taught him how to fight with submissions, setting up the Lion’s Den match here.

Owen Hart vs. Ken Shamrock

This is in a small theater adjacent to MSG. The match is held in a small, circular cage which is about as blatant of a ripoff of a UFC cage as you can get. You win by submission or knockout. Hart is a member of the Nation but Severn is the only person here with him. Shamrock easily takes him down to start until Owen counters into a leglock. Ken gets dropped with a spinebuster but floats over and unloads with right hands.

A low blow is shrugged off as well and Shamrock takes Owen’s head off with a clothesline. The cage starts coming into play with Shamrock climbing the cage into another clothesline, only to miss a charge into the steel. The fans are entirely behind Shamrock as he gets thrown face first against the cage. Lawler isn’t sure what to call the structure. JR: “How about the Lion’s Den?” Lawler: “Uh, ok.” Owen can’t piledrive him and his hurricanrana is countered into a nice powerbomb.

Both guys are bleeding from the face and Owen scores with a powerslam and a nice belly to belly. The Sharpshooter is on but Ken crawls over and climbs the cage to escape in a nice counter. Something like a tornado DDT out of the corner drops Owen but he grabs the dragon sleeper, only to have Shamrock climb the cage and roll over into the ankle lock for the submission.

Rating: C+. Again, they tried something different here, even though it was just a glorified cage match. Both guys were trying hard out there, which really is a theme for the show so far. Shamrock looked like a gladiator, but it really doesn’t need to set up a feud with Severn. At the end of the day, neither guy can talk and one of them is Dan Severn, so how far can this really go?

Austin will do whatever it takes to retain the title tonight.

Tag Team Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Mankind

Mankind is defending on his own and comes out with a big metal dumpster because this is a hardcore match. The Outlaws are in South Park shirts, which still look weird at this point. Mankind and Billy duel with chairs until Road Dogg sneaks in from behind to take over. They start cracking Mankind in the head with whatever metal objects they can find but a swinging neckbreaker on the floor gets two on Gunn.

That earns Mankind more double teaming and a ram into the side of the dumpster. It’s table time back inside, but it’s one of those old tables that looks a bit more realistic that the common ones. Billy is sent through it as well though and Mankind has a breather. Lawler is freaking out because Vince might have been right but a reverse 3D drops the champ again. A double powerbomb through two open chairs only gets two and Dogg stops to jaw with the referee. Instead it’s a spike piledriver onto the belt to give the Outlaws the titles back.

Rating: D+. There isn’t much to talk about here as this was a glorified squash for obvious reasons. Mankind is a tough guy but having him beat a top level team like the Outlaws on his own would have been way too much. This also sets up more stuff with Kane for Mankind so what else can you really ask for?

The Outlaws put Mankind in the dumpster but Kane is inside, sledgehammer in hand. With Mankind out of camera range, Kane slams the hammer down into the dumpster and everyone goes silent.

We recap HHH vs. Rock, which was disguised as DX vs. the Nation. Rock won almost every major match leading to this final blowoff, including costing HHH the European Title. Tonight it’s a ladder match for Rock’s Intercontinental Title, which he’s held for a remarkable nine months. The only solution was to hold the title above the ring and channel Shawn vs. Razor at Wrestlemania X.

Intercontinental Title: The Rock vs. HHH

Rock is defending and of course this is a ladder match. Chris Warren and the DX Band sings HHH to the ring because 1998 was a time when people actually knew who Chris War was. HHH destroys the band’s equipment for reasons that aren’t exactly clear but here’s the Rock to turn things serious. The seconds here are Chyna and Mark Henry, which aren’t exactly fair. I mean, at this point Chyna was kind of awesome and Henry was…..well he was Mark Henry. The title isn’t hung above the ring yet so we have to wait a few seconds for it to go up.

Rock drops a few F Bombs before it’s time to slug it out. A big clothesline puts Rock down and HHH hammers away, followed by the facebuster. Neither finisher can hit and HHH is backdropped over the top to give HHH a reason to limp on his legitimately bad knee. They slug it out in the aisle with HHH getting the better of it but limping back inside so Rock can hammer away again.

It’s already time to go for the ladder but instead of just picking it up, Rock whips HHH face first into the ladder instead. Why bother with anything but violence if you don’t have to? Rock starts a climb but HHH dives off the top to break it up, only to have the ladder fall onto his back. There isn’t much effect though (HHH is allowed to no sell at least once in every big match) and HHH climbs up, only to get nailed in the knee to bring him back down.

Rock goes in after the knee with elbows before realizing he has a ladder at his disposal. The leg gets crushed between the ladder but now it’s time for a chair to crush it even worse. He wraps the leg around the post as well before driving the knee into the ladder for good measure. Ever the cocky one, Rock climbs up as slowly as he can, allowing HHH to knock the ladder over for the save.

You don’t cut the Rock off on the second rung though so he takes HHH and the ladder to the floor for a catapult into the steel. I’m sure it happened at some point before but someone should catapult the ladder into a person instead. Rock keeps it going by backdropping HHH onto the ladder and this is getting ugly.

Henry thinks (yes seriously) the ladder is too busted up so he throws in another so Rock can climb faster. Chyna forearms Henry in the face, allowing HHH to dive in for the save. A baseball slide puts the ladder into Rock’s face and HHH has his first control in a long time. The bloody Rock is able to pull the ladder down again before setting the second ladder on the top rope. I don’t see this ending well, but that could be because I’ve seen this many times.

HHH is smart enough to break up whatever Rock had in mind though and plants him with a DDT. They climb the ladder again and Rock shoves him down and into the ladder in the corner, only to have HHH bounce into the standing ladder to knock Rock throat first into the top rope. Rock is up first and grabs a ladder, only to have HHH blast it with a chair over and over to get a breather.

Back up and Rock wins a slugout before slamming HHH onto the ladder for the People’s Elbow. Neither guy can follow up though and it’s HHH climbing first, only to dive into a Rock Bottom for no logically explained reason. HHH is able to get up again and pulls Rock (and his trunks) down, followed by the big Pedigree to give himself the best chance he’s had all match. As he’s getting up though, Henry throws powder in his face. The blind HHH climbs, only to get punched in the face by Rock. This brings in Chyna for a low blow on Rock, allowing HHH to finally pull down the belt to win.

Rating: A. This is one of my favorite matches of all time and it still more than holds up. It’s a match that launched both guys up the ladder to the next level with HHH becoming an upper midcarder and Rock becoming a main eventer who would pick up the World Title in November. The key thing here though is they focused on the wrestlers and the drama instead of the ladder and the spots, which almost always make for the best matches. Check this one out if you want a great brawl with some awesome back and forth action which meant a great deal going forward.

We get some exclusive home video footage of Rock stumbling to the back and swearing revenge that wouldn’t come for years. He’s still the People’s Champ.

Quick recap of Undertaker vs. Austin, minus the awesome video package, which is built around where Undertaker’s loyalties lie. He may or may not be in league with both Kane and Vince, but there’s no actual proof either way. It feels like a conspiracy against Austin, which really isn’t all that shocking when you consider who he had gone to war with all summer.

WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. Undertaker

Austin is defending. They get in each other’s faces to start before trading wristlocks. A rollup with tights gets two for the champ and he puts on a Fujiwara armbar of all things. It’s off to a regular armbar as Austin could never look right with a technical hold like a Fujiwara armbar. Then disaster strikes as Undertaker ducks his head and gets kicked in the face, only to have Undertaker snap his head up and nail Austin in the jaw, knocking him silly for the rest of the match.

Once Austin can stand again, a quick Thesz press attempt is countered into a hot shot for two as you can see Austin is WAY off. Undertaker slowly punches and stomps away but Austin is coherent enough to go after the leg and wrap it around the post. It’s not enough though as Undertaker comes back with the running clothesline and some good old fashioned choking. Old School is easily broken up and it’s back to the knee as there’s only so much they can do here aside from striking.

Cue Kane as a 3:16 chant starts up. The distraction lets the referee make sure Austin knows what planet he’s on but Undertaker tells Kane to head back because he wants to do this himself. Austin goes after Undertaker on the floor again but takes too much time, setting up a nearly falling chokeslam from the apron back inside. Undertaker can’t cover though, allowing Austin to clothesline him out to the floor and right onto that bad knee.

They brawl up the aisle and into the crowd, which is probably best for Austin as it’s a lot less complicated for a scrambled brain to deal with. Undertaker backdrops him onto the concrete as the knee seems fine. Austin goes spine first into the post, heads back inside, and is promptly thrown right back to the floor in an awkward landing. It’s time for the big spot as Undertaker lays Austin onto the announcers’ table and heads up top for a HUGE legdrop, crushing Austin but not the table for maybe the biggest spot Undertaker has ever done.

Somehow it only gets two, which is only right as Undertaker’s foot was under the bottom rope. You would expect a better enforcement of the rules from Earl Hebner. This time it’s Undertaker missing a charge into the corner and running into a double clothesline to put both guys down. It’s time for the hero comeback with Austin winning a slugout and hitting the Thesz press. Something like the Stunner is mostly botched as Undertaker falls backwards with Austin landing on top of him for two.

Undertaker comes back with the chokeslam but Austin escapes the tombstone. They have an awkward exchange in the corner with Austin getting crotched on the top rope, followed by a Russian legsweep from Undertaker to put both guys down. Old School is loaded up again but Undertaker dives into a low blow, setting up the Stunner to retain Austin’s title.

Rating: B-. This is a really hard one to grade after the injury to Austin. It’s much more a collection of spots loosely tied together instead of a match, but the big spots worked well enough and Austin won as clean as he was going to win in a main event match in 1998. It’s also really nice to not have all the interference for a change because that was the norm for so long at this point. Good match, but it’s definitely a few steps beneath Austin’s usual greatness.

Undertaker hands the belt to Austin and Kane comes out to stand by his brother’s side to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. Oh yeah it still holds up. This is a great show with some awesome matches that capped off stories while also setting up some stuff for the future. Above all else though it felt like a major show, which isn’t really the case at any other show all year. It’s still one of the best Summerslams and a show you kind of have to see at least once.

Ratings Comparison

Val Venis vs. D’Lo Brown

Original: B

Redo: C+

2015 Redo: B

Oddities vs. Kai En Tai

Original: C-

Redo: C-

2015 Redo: C+

Jeff Jarrett vs. X-Pac

Original: B

Redo: C

2015 Redo: C+

Marc Mero/Jacqueline vs. Sable/Edge

Original: F

Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D

Ken Shamrock vs. Owen Hart

Original: B-

Redo: B

2015 Redo: C+

Mankind vs. New Age Outlaws

Original: D+

Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

HHH vs. The Rock

Original: A+

Redo: A+

2015 Redo: A

Steve Austin vs. Undertaker

Original: B-

Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: A-

2015 Redo: B

This is a good example of why I don’t do a third take of shows very often. Most of the ratings are either the same or really close to the same with the World Title and Tag Team Title matches having the same rating every time. I think we’ve found my definitive take on those matches and I really don’t have anything else to say about most of them. I’ll do a different Summerslam next year and a fresh review of each of the big four every year though, as it’s a fun thing to look back at, especially a good show like this one.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/01/history-of-summerslam-count-up-1998-the-biggest-summerslam-ever/

And the original redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/08/03/summerslam-count-up-1998-rock-and-hhh-ascend/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Summerslam 1996
Date: August 18, 1996
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 17,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Mr. Perfect

This is not the best time for the WWF as the company has been dealing with the NWO for the last month and a half. Shawn Michaels is doing as much as he can and is doing it again here as he defends the WWF Title against Vader in the main event. Other than that though, we have a Boiler Room Brawl between the Undertaker and Mankind. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Steve Austin vs. Yokozuna

We’ll throw in a bonus here for a somewhat infamous match. Austin hammers away to start and gets knocked down without much trouble. A Samoan drop and legdrop put Austin down and the Banzai Drop is loaded up….but the ropes break and Yokozuna falls down, allowing Austin to get the fast pin at 1:53. Well that got the point across. Vince: “HE IS SO HEAVY!” Yeah that.

The opening video looks at the two main events, which is about fighting the monsters of Mankind and Vader. Makes sense.

Commentary previews the show and a fan actually comes up asking Perfect for an autograph, which he shoves off without saying a word. Even Vince seems to glare at the guy a bit.

Savio Vega vs. Owen Hart

Hart has a cast on his left wrist, with Vince and JR questioning how slowly it has healed. Feeling out process to start with neither getting very far, though the referee does threaten Hart for using the cast. Vega leapfrogs him and sends the cast into various buckles, followed by an armbar.

We cut to the back where Jim Cornette (Hart’s manager) is helping Vader warm up as Vega stays on the arm. There are some fans loudly chanting for Owen, though Vega taking him down by the arm quiets them down a bit. Hart gets up and manages to send him shoulder first into the corner, allowing the stomping to ensue. Vega gets caught in an armbar for a change before Hart switches into an armbar from a different angle for a change of pace. A bite to the leg of all things gets Vega out so Hart ties the arm up in the ropes and slaps him in the face.

Cue Clarence Mason (Jim Cornette’s lawyer) to watch as Vega misses a spinwheel kick but hits a crossbody for two. Back up and Hart’s enziguri connects as Mason is playing cheerleader. Hart’s rollup with feet on the ropes gets two, as does Vega’s rollup. Vega gets up a spinning kick to the face in the corner and a legdrop gets two.

Hart is right back with a kick of his own, followed by a missile dropkick for two of his own. It’s time to go up again but this time Hart gets crotched, setting up a belly to back superplex. Vega seems to land on the cast though, allowing Hart to take it off and knock Vega cold. Somehow the referee didn’t see it, despite it being right in front of his face, and the Sharpshooter goes on to give Hart the win at 13:25.

Rating: C+. Fine enough opener as Hart is always worth a look, though Vega was reaching the end of his usefulness by this point. There’s nothing wrong with having two faster paced guys getting out there to start the show, though trimming a few minutes off here wouldn’t have hurt either. The cast shot at the end didn’t do it any favors either, as there was no reason to believe the referee didn’t see it.

Post match here is Justin Hawk Bradshaw to yell about Vega, who Bradshaw wants to send back to “that island”. Bradshaw gets in a cheap shot on Vega in the aisle to leave him laying again.

Todd Pettingill is scared of being in the boiler room, where he runs into Mankind, who insists that there is no place like home. Undertaker can come in, but beware that he will be seeing a fate worse than death. Mankind licks a pipe.

Tag Team Titles: New Rockers vs. Smoking Gunns vs. Godwinns vs. Bodydonnas

The Gunns, with Sunny, are defending with elimination rules. Skip (of the Bodydonnas) has a neck brace due to a fractured vertebrae. Meanwhile, the Godwinns have Hillbilly Jim, a pig and a basset hound, because Vince McMahon had a thing for hillbillies. Billy and Henry start things off with Henry running him over with a shoulder. A clothesline does it as well and Phineas comes in to throw Zip around.

Billy wants the people to sit down and shut up…so Phineas and Zip tag in both Gunns. Sunny panics as commentary talks about how they have to make contact. This is then proven wrong as Bart tags out to Zip without any issue. Zip takes over on Billy but Jannetty trips Zip down for the pin at 4:03 (likely due to Skip’s injury).

It’s back to Henry to work on Billy’s arm but Cassidy (Al Snow) gets in a cheap shot from the apron to cut Henry down. This means a Partridge Family reference, because the New Rockers are big into that 60s music scene. The Rockers and Gunns start double teamming the Godwinns until some heel miscommunication breaks that down. The Godwinns are fine with going after both of them and we get some double noggin knockers. A quick Slop Drop gets rid of the Rockers at 7:21 and we’re down to two.

Bart hammers on Henry, who is back with a heck of a clothesline to leave both of them down. It’s too far for the tag though and Billy comes in to yell a lot, much to Sunny’s appreciation. Henry gets back with an atomic drop and a World’s Strongest Slam, which is enough for the tag back to Phineas. Everything breaks down and Henry Cactus Clotheslines Bart out to the floor. Phineas hits the Slop Drop on Billy but Bart comes off the top with an ax handle, allowing Billy to steal the pin at 12:21.

Rating: D+. The word that comes to mind here is lifeless. This was a bunch of people going out there and doing their moves to each other until one of them got the win. It wasn’t exciting, it wasn’t interesting and the fans didn’t seem to care. The tag division was such a dead zone around this time and this was a perfect example of why. There was just nothing here and it showed very, very badly.

Post match Sunny brags about the Gunns and unveils a huge poster of herself, her favorite subject.

We look at the WWF taking over Cleveland in recent days. This involves a train racing a carriage to show the fastest way to the arena. Believe it or not, the train wins. Then Jerry Lawler went to a Cleveland Indians practice and tried to learn the spitball. One of the players offered to teach him in exchange for a piledriver. Some wrestlers also helped paint over some graffiti in a nice moment. To top it off, Undertaker and Paul Bearer gave away…a funeral?

British Bulldog vs. Sycho Sid

No Cornette for Bulldog either but Mason is here again. In the back, Sid is glad the fans seem to like him since he came back and is ready to fight. As usual, Sid has the weirdest charisma and it carried him so far. Sid starts fairly fast with a slam to send Bulldog outside, leaving the fans to give us a LET’S GO SID chant. Back in and Sid grabs a headlock but Bulldog fights out and hits the rather impressive delayed vertical suplex.

We hit the chinlock for a bit before Cornette clotheslines him to the floor. Cornette is at least watching the match in the back as Vader warms up (he’s been at it for forty minutes now) and Bulldog drapes him ribs first over the top. The chinlock goes on again but Sid is up rather quickly. A charge misses in the corner though and Bulldog nails the running powerslam. Cue Cornette to yell at Mason though and the distraction means no cover. Another powerslam is loaded up but Sid escapes and hits the chokeslam. The powerbomb gives Sid the pin at 6:26.

Rating: C. Sid was always good for an acceptable enough power match and that’s about what we got here. The bigger deal is between Cornette and Mason, which is about as interesting as you would imagine. That’s a big part of why the company was losing to WCW and it would get even worse: yes WCW had the NWO, but look at what the WWF was using to counter. This was fine, but it’s not like it was anything that you would remember in an hour or so.

Goldust vs. Marc Mero

Goldust has Marlena with him but has an eye for Sable, who is here with Mero. Before the match, Mero talks about not liking the attention Mankind has been giving Sable and promises to make Goldust a falling star. Goldust does his crawling thing to start but Mero isn’t having any of that and knocks him into the corner. A drop toehold into an armbar has Goldust in trouble and Marlena doesn’t seem to care in the slightest.

Commentary talks about Ahmed Johnson’s (latest) injury as Mero works on the arm even more. Goldust fights back and knocks him to the apron, followed by into the barricade in a variety of ways. Cue Mankind to call Sable “Mommy”, get fairly close to her, and then leave. Goldust’s chinlock and clothesline get two but Mero fights up and makes the comeback.

An atomic drop and left hands rock Goldust and Mero leverages him outside. Back in and a slingshot legdrop sets up the debuting Wild Thing (shooting star press)…but Marlena has the referee. The delay lets Goldust kick out, which is amazingly stupid given how they just debuted that kind of a move. A powerslam gives Mero two more but Goldust is back with a quick Curtain Call for the win at 11:01.

Rating: C+. This could have been a lot worse, but the kickout of the Wild Thing was ridiculous. Again: if they want someone or something to get over, stop having it be used in the middle of a match to next to no impact. If you want Goldust to win then fine, but don’t cut the legs off of Mero’s awesome new move in the process. That doesn’t help him at all and the result could have been the same without that boneheaded decision.

Post match Goldust goes after Sable but Mero makes the save.

We look at Intercontinental Champion Ahmed Johnson winning a battle royal to earn a title shot the night after Summerslam on Raw but he was already hurt and then got in a fight with Faarooq. He had a ruptured kidney and as a result, his title is vacant. His future isn’t clear, but he’ll be out for a few months at least. There will be a tournament for the Intercontinental Title and a four man battle royal, consisting of the final four eliminated from the original battle royal, for the title shot. Johnson would return to the ring but he never really recovered.

Here are Sunny and Faarooq, still in the blue gladiator period, for a chat. Faarooq does not like the idea of a tournament because he should be handed the title. Sunny can live with it and promises that Faarooq will win the tournament, because what Sunny wants, she gets. There was no need for this to be on pay per view.

We recap Jake Roberts vs. Jerry Lawler. Roberts was trying to reform his drinking and is now a Christian, with Lawler mocking him endlessly and even pouring alcohol down his throat. Therefore, things are personal.

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

Newcomer Mark Henry is on commentary and Lawler brings out a bag of his own, ala the one Roberts tends to bring. Lawler reveals a Baltimore Ravens jersey and pennant (the Cleveland Browns left for Baltimore and became the Ravens, which did not sit well with Cleveland fans). He talks about throwing out the first pitch at the Indians game and the team’s manager begging him to sign a contract.

The Ravens’ owners are here too so don’t ask them for an autograph! Lawler goes for the bag and pulls out Roberts’ partners: Jim Beam! He mocks Roberts’ wife and calls out Henry’s lack of Olympic medals. Not that it matters as he would just get his gold medal bronzed. Henry just sits and takes this, as he doesn’t quite get the thinking yet.

Lawler keeps going with his routine until Roberts finally comes out to cut him off. Hold on though as Lawler offers what he has in his bag in exchange for Roberts NOT taking out what he has in his own bag. Lawler offers a huge bottle of booze, which is enough to bring out the big yellow snake to wrap around Lawler and get us going. Lawler heads to the floor and wants the microphone again but Roberts pulls him back inside to start up the beating.

A slam on the floor plants Lawler again and Roberts mocks him over the booze. Back in and Lawler gets in a cheap shot, allowing him to tie Roberts in the ropes. It’s time to get one of the bottles, but Roberts gets out and hits the short arm clothesline. The referee yells at Roberts though and Lawler hits him in the throat with a bottle, allowing him to pull the tights for the pin at 4:09.

Rating: D. Ignoring the fairly off putting subject matter, the match was hardly anything worth seeing either. The ending felt like the same thing as the opener, as again it was hard to believe that the referee didn’t see it. On top of that you had Henry, who had no business being on commentary with that lack of talking ability. How was that not noticed before the match? Just have him come out and do something after if you want to showcase him, but don’t focus on his weaknesses like that.

Post match Roberts points at his throat so Lawler pours Jim Beam down his throat (rumored to have been real whiskey as a rib). Mark Henry makes the save after an all time nothing performance on commentary.

Bob Backlund is in the crowd doing….Bob Backlund things (he’s a weird guy).

We recap Undertaker vs. Mankind. Undertaker was used to facing monsters but the more you beat on Mankind, the more he came back, making him a weird opponent. They’re still fighting though and this time it’s going to be a brawl in the boiler room, also known as a Boiler Room Brawl.

Undertaker vs. Mankind

Boiler Room Brawl, meaning they start in the boiler room and the winner is the first to get to the ring and retrieve the urn from Paul Bearer. Undertaker slowly walks into the boiler room and even he looks a bit nervous. This leads to some slow walking around, as Undertaker isn’t sure where he is, giving us almost a slasher movie feel.

Mankind finally sneaks up on him with what looks like a board for a bit shot to the back. A trashcan lid (or something that looks like one) to the head gets Mankind off of him and Undertaker sends him into a metal locker. Mankind is back up to send him throat first into a saw horse and they brawl around a bit more. We get some “technical difficulties”, which is likely code for “an edit” as this half was taped in advance.

Undertaker is sent into a machine but comes back with a pipe to knock a trashcan out of Mankind’s hands. Mankind turns a valve to spray Undertaker with hot steam and they stagger around some more. Undertaker grabs a wooden pallet but Undertaker hits him low with a pipe to cut him off again. A ram into a steel wall drops Undertaker again, allowing Mankind to punch him in the face.

With Undertaker down, Mankind climbs a ladder and drops an elbow onto Undertaker and concrete because he’s kind of insane. Mankind starts going for the door but Undertaker pulls him down and we get more technical difficulties. We come back with Undertaker down on the floor and Mankind climbing a ladder. Undertaker sits up and grabs the ladder, sending Mankind crashing down onto a box (which almost went VERY wrong and could have ended his career).

They fight up towards the door and slug it out until Undertaker blasts him with a fire extinguisher. Undertaker gets out the door but gets pulled back in, with Mankind getting out and slamming the door on him. Mankind manages to get away and close a door, stacking a bunch of stuff in front of it. That’s fine with Undertaker, who breaks the door down and follows Mankind down a hall (where other wrestlers are cheering them on, with even Steve Austin getting a look).

Mankind throws coffee on him and then crawls through the entrance to come into the arena for the first time. Undertaker follows him and they make it to ringside, where WWE has brought in TV’s on carts like we’re in English class in the 90s. I mean we were in the 90s here but not so much with the English class thing. Anyway, Mankind hits a Texas piledriver on the exposed concrete.

That’s not enough to stop Undertaker of course and he pulls Mankind back down and goes inside….but Bearer won’t give him the urn. Instead Mankind comes back in and puts on the Mandible Claw as Bearer starts shining the urn. Bearer slaps and stomps at Undertaker (JR is INCENSED), who tries to crawl over to him. A huge urn shot to the head (CRACK) knocks Undertaker silly and Mankind gets the urn to win at 26:45.

Rating: B. Well it was different and rather violent, which is all you can ask for out something like this. I can definitely get the appeal of this kind of match between two people with their history, but it was so different than anything else that either company was doing. The brawl itself was good, but this was all about Bearer turning on Undertaker, as that was one of the biggest partnerships of the 90s. It was a new world for Undertaker, and that is something he had been needing for a long, long time.

Post match Mankind and Bearer leave so the druids come out and carry Undertaker away. Do they just follow Undertaker around in case he gets beaten up?

Jim Cornette says Vader has proven he can beat Shawn Michaels and tonight, Michaels is going to grabbed by the throat, making him sound like an electric kazoo in a Peter Frampton song. If you need a bizarre reference, go to Cornette.

WWF Title: Vader vs. Shawn Michaels

Michaels, with Jose Lothario, is defending and Jim Cornette is here with Vader. Michaels tries to move around to start so Vader hits him in the ribs and drops him with a hard clothesline. A big boot is blocked though and Michaels sweeps the leg, setting up a basement dropkick. Some kicks to the face rock Vader and Michaels low bridges him out to the floor. A baseball slide drops Vader again and Michaels hits a big dive, giving us an image which went on a lot of highlight reels.

Back in and a top rope ax handle sets up a hurricanrana to put Vader down again. Something like a victory roll sends Vader outside again but the slingshot hurricanrana is countered with a nasty powerbomb onto the floor. Vader throws him back inside for a hard suplex as Michaels is in a lot of trouble. The slow beating continues and a rather big backdrop stays on the back.

The beating is so intense that it has Perfect changing his mind about returning to the ring. Vader drops him again with a hard clothesline before grabbing a head and arm choke. That’s broken up so Vader tries to sit on him, only to be cut off with a low blow. Michaels knocks him down and goes up but has to pull out of the top rope elbow as Vader didn’t move as planned. This sends Michaels into an infamous rant about how Vader screwed up, because Michaels in 1996 would have that kind of tantrum on live television.

Back up and Michaels crossbodies him out to the floor, where Vader gorilla presses him onto the barricade. That’s enough for a countout at 13:53, but Cornette says no way, because Michaels isn’t getting out of it that easy.

Michaels seems to agree so Vader goes after him, with Lothario getting between them. That lets Cornette get in a tennis racket shot and they get back inside, where a belly to belly gives Vader two. Michaels manages the flying forearm though and tries the superkick but Cornette grabs his foot. Cornette throws the tennis racket inside so Michaels takes it away and unloads on Vader (with some great sound effects for the DQ at 17:50.

Hold on though as Cornette says Michaels got disqualified on purpose so let’s keep this going and have a real winner. We keep it going with Michaels grabbing a sunset flip but having to avoid a sitdown splash. Now the top rope elbow can connect and the superkick gives Michaels two. The referee gets bumped so Vader’s powerbomb only gets a delayed two. The Vader Bomb is loaded up but Cornette wants the moonsault. That’s enough for Michaels to hit a moonsault press for the win at 22:19.

Rating: B. I liked the story they were telling here with the idea that Vader was overwhelming Michaels but kept giving him chance after chance to escape. That’s the idea of Michaels just finding a way to escape and eventually survive Vader when he went too far. That being said, the tantrum in the middle is just dumb and makes Michaels look pathetic, which he did so often by himself. Otherwise, good main event.

Also of note, this was originally going to be Vader winning the title and ultimately losing it back to Michaels at the Royal Rumble, but Michaels didn’t want to work with Vader so Sid got the spot instead (hence the December In Your House being called “It’s Time” when Vader had nothing to do with the main event.).

Overall Rating: C+. The two main events carry the show as far as it is going to go. The rest of the show ranges from forgettable to bad, which sums up so much of this time for the WWF. They had some talent around, but it was going to take time before the new generation could take the ball. Granted getting Bret Hart back in a few months would help, but this was not a good time for the company, save for the top of the card. You could certainly see that in this show and not in a good way whatsoever.

Ratings Comparison

Steve Austin vs. Yokozuna

Original: N/A
2013 Redo: N/A
2025 Redo: N/A

Owen Hart vs. Savio Vega

Original: B+
2013 Redo: C
2015 Redo: C+

Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas vs. New Rockers vs. Godwinns

Original: B-
2013 Redo: D-
2025 Redo: D+

British Bulldog vs. Sycho Sid

Original: D
2013 Redo: D+
2025 Redo: C

Marc Mero vs. Goldust

Original: C+
2013 Redo: D
2025 Redo: C+

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

Original: C-
2013 Redo: D
2025 Redo: D

Mankind vs. Undertaker

Original: A-
2013 Redo: B
2025 Redo: B

Vader vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A-
2013 Redo: B+
2025 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: A
2013 Redo: C
2025 Redo: C+

The other two reviews are a bit all over the place, but that original is as rose colored glasses nostalgia as you can get. My goodness that’s nuts.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Today we’re going to look at some wrestling moments that I watch from time to time, just because they make me happy.

 

https://www.smarkdownsblog.com/best-wrestling-moments

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 11, 1999
Location: Georgia Dome, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 33,375
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Well this is an upgrade. We’re in a huge stadium and it happens to be the last Raw before No Mercy, where HHH will defend the WWF Title against Steve Austin. Other than that, the Terri Invitational Tournament continues with Edge and Christian facing the Hardy Boyz in one cool match after another. Let’s get to it.

Here is Smackdown if you need a recap.

We open with a tribute to Gorilla Monsoon, who passed away last week. That’s a big one, especially for people who grew up in the Golden Era.

Opening sequence.

Here is Vince McMahon, who is very happy to be here in Atlanta (WCW’s hometown of course) and wastes no time in bringing out Steve Austin for a chat. Austin says he’s been gone for a few months and it’s because of HHH and that’s all changing tonight. For the last few months, HHH has been attacking Jim Ross and a rattlesnake in a bag.

Neither of those are Austin though and he isn’t scared of anything HHH is doing. Austin wants HHH out here right now so here he is, with the fans not being happy to see him. They argue over the fans getting on HHH, who says that Austin knows he can’t win at No Mercy. No one here can beat HHH…and yeah sure he’ll fight Austin right now.

Or instead he’ll go outside and shove JR’s hat off. This time JR actually gets up and hits him with a fan, allowing Austin to come outside for the real fight. They get back inside, with JR hammering on HHH some more until Chyna makes the save. Austin lays Chyna out so HHH issues the challenge for the tag match tonight. And of course Austin and JR are in.

There are a bunch of bulldogs in the back. Georgia bulldogs?

An annoyed Mankind is pacing in the back.

We look at Mankind and the Rock getting into a fight/argument on Smackdown.

Billy Gunn vs. Crash Holly

Road Dogg and Hardcore Holly are here too, with Dogg calling out the Hollys for not being real super heavyweights. Gunn hammers away in the corner to start and grabs a Jackhammer (or Jackknife according to JR) for two. The other two get in a fight on the floor and Gunn hits a Fameasser for the pin at 50 seconds. I don’t think Crash got in a single bit of offense.

Post match Hardcore brings in the scales to hit the Outlaws in the face.

Mankind is rather proud of his guest appearance on G vs. E last night but he wants to talk about the Rock on Smackdown. Maybe he wanted to hit the Rock with a chair because one of them isn’t a team player. There is no I in team, Rock or Sock and he needs a commitment from the Rock before he can move forward with the team’s endorsement deals.

Mae Young vs. Ivory

Non-title. Before the match, Ivory complains about how annoying Young and Fabulous Moolah have been, even threatening to beat the regularity out of her. Ivory hits her in the back with a belt before the bell, right in front of the referee, who says the bell can ring anyway. Moolah runs in and jumps Ivory for…well I guess a no contest at about 30 seconds as the bell didn’t ring.

Post match Moolah beats Ivory up until she runs off.

Jim Ross calls the Rock and tells him about Mankind’s issues from Smackdown. Rock doesn’t really care and he’s on his way to the show, where he’ll turn the Georgia Dome upside down. Wouldn’t that make it a Georgia Pit?

British Bulldog has no idea why those dogs are here and doesn’t care about the Rock and Mankind tonight. At No Mercy, he’s beating the Rock to get closer to the WWF Title.

We look at Stephanie McMahon getting hit in the head at Rebellion and seemingly losing her memory.

Earlier today, Stephanie (with Shane McMahon) sat down and said she can’t remember anything happening to her in the short term. She can’t remember any of the feelings she has for Test and Shane has to calm her down.

Val Venis and the British Bulldog jump Mankind and leave him laying.

Mark Henry and a woman arrive in a limo.

Edge & Christian vs. New Brood

This is the fourth match in the Terri Invitational Tournament (Edge & Christian are up 2-1) and Lilian Garcia describes this as a “non…..tag team match.” Also can we please just get to them being the Hardys already and drop the New Brood stuff? It’s a brawl to start with the Hardys getting sent into the corners for some running shots.

Matt fights back and stomps Christian down in the corner, with Jeff hitting a springboard moonsault. The flipping splash/falling punch combination hits Christian, with Jeff adding a legdrop in the ropes. Jeff: “DID YOU SEE ME???” Uh yeah, yeah we did Jeff. Back in and both Hardys miss something off the top, allowing the tag off to Edge. Matt grabs a rollup with feet on the ropes for two but Edge gives Matt a Downward Spiral.

It just happens to be right in front of Jeff, who comes off the top with a Swanton for the save. Christian Unprettiers Jeff (Lawler: “Can you do that JR?”) and Matt dives off the top to take Edge out. Jeff dives onto the two of them and Edge’s running flip dive hits both Hardys. They all brawl on the floor and it’s a double DQ at 4:56. Kind of odd to see that instead of a countout but it’s the same thing for all intent and purpose.

Rating: B-. That’s probably going to be the match of the night and that shouldn’t be a surprise. These guys are clearly giving everything they have now that they are getting the chance. As it turns out, it’s working very well, which is saying a lot when this was one of the lesser of their series.

X-Pac demands Kane not come out to the ring during his match no matter what.

The Rock finally arrives and post break, says he doesn’t care Mankind feels about the team. As for the British Bulldog, Rock isn’t just another nobody and no one cares about Bulldog anyway. Bulldog is nothing and apparently Rock has brought those dogs to the show for whatever reason.

He can’t seem to remember his catchphrase, going through some Flair, Savage and Hogan before getting it right. Cue Mankind who wants an answer right now. Rock tells him what to do with his gear and where to put it but here is Vince McMahon to give them a match against Val Venis and the British Bulldog. Rock says tonight is about winning one for the scooper, which has Mankind confused.

X-Pac vs. Faarooq

During the entrances, we get a statement from the Drozdov family, thanking the fans for wishing Droz well. That’s kind of random but it’s still nice to hear. There’s no Kane here but Bradshaw is here with Faarooq, who gets kicked in the corner to start things fast. Faarooq is right back up with a whip into the corner and gets two off a backbreaker.

The powerslam gives Faarooq two and we hit the bearhug as Kane is watching backstage. X-Pac gets out and kicks away before avoiding an elbow in the corner. Bradshaw gets up for a distraction but X-Pac escapes the Dominator and sends them into each other. The X-Factor finishes Faarooq at 3:20.

Rating: C+. This is about as far as I can go with X-Pac hanging in there against a powerhouse, with Faarooq being someone who can lose to him without it going too far. The good thing is that X-Pac is a rather talented star and someone who could get fans behind him. At the same time, the X Factor still doesn’t feel like a great finisher and that isn’t helping things here.

Post match the beatdown is on but Kane comes out…to stay on the stage, even as X-Pac is double powerbombed. Bradshaw puts X-Pac on top but Kane finally runs in for the save. The ungrateful X-Pac is mad at Kane for helping him out. You know, Kane has a match on Sunday too so stop being a selfish jerk.

We look at the setup for the tag match and JR heads to the back to get ready.

We look at Mark Henry’s second sex therapy session, with the therapist (the woman from earlier) saying we need to go extreme to make it work, even starting tonight. Henry likes the idea and busts out some handcuffs, but the therapist isn’t happy.

Michael Cole replaces JR on commentary.

Chris Jericho/Curtis Hughes vs. Headbangers

This is the Headbangers’ reunion after a pretty horrible attempt at a solo run for Mosh. Jericho and Mosh start things off, with Mosh launching him into a hot shot. Jericho gets hung up in the ropes for a jumping splash from Thrasher. Back up and a butterfly backbreaker plants Thrasher to put him in trouble for a change.

It’s off to Hughes, who gets clotheslined by Mosh, followed by a double clothesline for a double down. Mosh comes back in and has to be saved from the Walls. Hughes runs Jericho over by mistake so Jericho hits him right back and walks out. The Stage Dive (and a bad one at that) finishes Hughes at 3:21.

Rating: C. So that’s it for the Hughes/Jericho partnership and that’s about how it should have gone. Hughes felt like he was dragging things down for Jericho and it’s good to see Jericho getting away from him to be free. The Headbangers being back was nice to see as well, but it’s not like they were ever a great team in the first place.

Big Show is upset in the back when D’Lo Brown comes up to check on him. Show’s father has terminal cancer and Brown says he’s there for him anytime. Well that got a lot more serious.

Rock has Mankind sweep up the dogs’ waste and put it on a big tray.

Godfather vs. Mark Henry

Godfather has about thirty women with him this time…because this is a Ho Jack match. Apparently this is the sex therapist’s idea of extreme measures to cure Henry of his addictions. Sweet goodness how 1999 can a show be? Henry is sent outside where he seems to enjoy the women’s company. Back in and Henry gets beaten up, only to be distracted by the women again. The Ho Train sets up a rollup to pin Henry at 1:28.

Post match Henry is jumped by the women and Henry couldn’t seem happier.

HHH, with Chyna, says Steve Austin should always be worried about him and it’s going to be a good piece of business for JR. HHH doing a JR impression is a rather disturbing thing.

Big Boss Man vs. Big Show

Before the match, Boss Man says he doesn’t care about Show’s problems because Boss Man is the real problem. Even Lawler thinks that’s too far and here is a rather emotional Show. A superkick drops Boss Man in the aisle and the bell rings, with Show hitting a flying shoulder inside. Boss Man hits him with the nightstick for the DQ at 36 seconds.

Post match the beatdown is on until Al Snow runs in for the save but gets beaten down as well.

Mankind has collected quite a bit of waste.

HHH/Chyna vs. Jim Ross/Steve Austin

Lawler loses it over JR having his wrists taped. Austin, in street clothes, finally bothers coming to help and brawls on the stage with HHH. They fight back to ringside, where Chyna and JR are nowhere to be seen. HHH gets whipped into the steps and Austin even dives off the steps with a right hand. They fight out into the crowd as Chyna is beating JR up back in the ring. Austin and HHH brawl out of the back of the building as Lawler loves JR getting stomped by Chyna (Lawler: “He always had a foot fetish!”).

Chyna gives JR a Pedigree but here is Jeff Jarrett to hit her with a toaster. Miss Kitty wheels down a laundry cart and Jarrett throws Chyna inside before wheeling her away. Austin and HHH brawl back into the arena, with Austin throwing him into a beer stand. Naturally Austin stops to have a beer and then goes to celebrate at ringside as I guess the match just ended. I’m not sure it ever started but when has that ever stopped them?

Rating: C-. I guess there was a match in there? Maybe? Somewhere? This felt like a way to get Austin officially on the card for a stadium show without having him have to really wrestle. That’s about all you can do if he’s that banged up and you don’t want to risk him getting hurt even worse. JR was barely a factor here, with Chyna’s weird status as a hero at some points and a villain at other times is still weird.

In the back, Jarrett shoves the laundry cart off a ledge and into the parking lot. Post break, Chyna is helped by medics.

Oh and I guess Jim Ross was eaten by rabid ferrets or something.

Val Venis/British Bulldog vs. Rock N Sock Connection

Naturally Mankind brings out the dog waste and I think you know where this is going. Cole: “This should be a good one.” Based on what? Nothing about this seems good, and Mankind almost being knocked onto the tray to start isn’t changing my mind. They get inside where Venis hammers away in the corner with Bulldog getting in his shots as well. A running faceplant puts Venis down for two and it’s off to Rock to hammer away in the corner.

Rock hits his big clothesline to cut Venis off again and it’s already back to Mankind. The general clubbering continues until Rock comes back in and gets elbowed by Venis. Rock fights back on Bulldog in the corner but the Rock Bottom is broken up. That means Venis’ fisherman’s suplex gets two so Rock gives him the Samoan drop to even things back up.

Mankind comes back in with a double arm DDT to Venis as everything breaks down. The brawl heads out to the floor and Mankind loads up Mr. Socko to chase Venis up the ramp. That leaves Rock to grab the tray and throw it inside, where Bulldog is Rock Bottomed onto said tray. Well onto what is on the tray. The People’s Elbow is loaded up…but Rock just stops and poses instead as I guess we’re done at around 8:15.

Rating: C-. Well, it was in fact a match and they had more time than any other match on the card, but how good was this going to be? They were mainly focusing on the tray and teasing the big spot with the thing. It’s also another match without an actual fall, because Venis is getting a singles match on pay per view in six days so he can’t take a pin here.

HHH jumps Austin in the back but Austin has a rattlesnake waiting on him.

We get some Extra Attitude, meaning a clip from after the show, which is Austin coming out to drink beer (and pour some of it on the dog waste). JR comes out and drinks some as well. The only thing I get out of this: Austin’s ability to catch beers with one hand is still incredibly impressive. This really didn’t do much whatsoever and didn’t need to be included.

Overall Rating: D+. There were some ok matches on here, but the focal points were two tag matches which didn’t end with an actual fall and the big deals at the end were dog waste and a snake. That’s in addition to a Ho Jack match and Ivory feuding with Moolah and Mae Young. While Vince Russo is officially gone, there are still a lot of remnants of him hanging around (though the dog thing had to be a Vince McMahon idea) and this show was a rough watch as a result.

 

 

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Wrestlemania XV
Date: March 28, 1999
Location: First Union Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 20,276
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Outside of the main event, we have the stable war (a Russo staple) between McMahon’s Corporation and the Undertaker’s Ministry of Darkness. The big match in the feud here is a Hell in a Cell match between Undertaker and Big Boss Man which is going to be even worse than it sounds. Let’s get to it.

The pre-show will be replaced by Sunday Night Heat, the regular Sunday night show, for the next several years.

Sunday Night Heat: Ivory vs. Jacqueline

Ivory is a manager who could wrestle as well and Jacqueline is a member of the Pretty Mean Sisters. There’s no subtlety here: Ivory is wrestling in a bikini. Fellow PMS member Terri Runnels (formerly known as Marlena) sits in on commentary to rip on Ivory’s attire. Jacqueline jumps her to start but Ivory knocks her into the corner, only to have Jacqueline complain of a thumb to the eye. A belly to back suplex gives Jacqueline the pin out of nowhere at 1:24. That sounds like an injury stoppage.

Terri puts her cigar out in Ivory’s face post match.

Sunday Night Heat: Battle Royal

Bradshaw, Faarooq, Droz, Godfather, Steve Blackman, Brian Christopher, Scott Taylor, Test, Hawk, Animal, 8-Ball, Skull, Gillberg, D’Lo Brown, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Mideon, Tiger Ali Singh, Viscera, Rocco Rock, Johnny Grunge

Most of the names you might not recognize here aren’t important enough to identify. The idea here is that the final two men in the match will receive a Tag Team Title shot during the pay per view. That’s how bad the division is at this point: they can’t even have a regular team challenge for the belts, even when there are multiple regular teams in this match. Tag Team Champions Owen Hart and Jeff Jarrett sit in on commentary.

Everyone goes after Rock and Grunge (a famous ECW tag team known as Public Enemy and therefore the crowd favorites) and put them out in about five seconds. A group of people get rid of Viscera (the giant formerly known as Mabel) but he pulls Gillberg out to make himself feel better. Animal, Skull and 8-Ball are put out and Hawk (with a full head of hair) goes out as well. Taylor is eliminated as Owen and Jarrett actually play some favorites for a change.

Singh eliminates Faarooq in a big upset, only to be thrown out a few seconds later. Both Hardys (they don’t mean much yet) follow him out and Mideon (formerly Phineas Godwinn, now part of the Ministry) is out a few seconds later. There goes Christopher and there’s nothing going on between these eliminations. Blackman and Bradshaw go out together, leaving us with Godfather, Droz, Test and Brown. Droz and Godfather go out together as well, leaving Test and Brown as the winners at 4:16.

Rating: F. A twenty one man battle royal that doesn’t even make four and a half minutes? Normally I would be thrilled but this was so fast paced that it was barely even a match. Test and Brown winning shows the booking style of Russo very well as they have no connection to each other and now they’re the #1 contenders to the Tag Team Titles on the biggest show of the year.

Boyz II Men sing America the Beautiful.

The opening video is narrated by the legendary Freddie Blassie and talks about how these men will be legends like the gods of ancient Greece and cause a variety of emotions but they’ll never let us forget them. Tonight is their night. Welcome to Wrestlemania: the showcase of the immortals. Outstanding.

The set is unique this year as it’s the Wrestlemania logo (the word Wrestle over the word Mania with XV behind it) and nothing else.

Hardcore Title: Al Snow vs. Hardcore Holly vs. Billy Gunn

So here’s another brilliant Russo idea. For weeks leading up to this, Gunn’s partner Road Dogg had been in a three way feud for the Hardcore Title with Snow (a crazy man who happens to be a great technical wrestler) and Holly (formerly Bob). At the same time, Gunn was in a four way feud for the Intercontinental Title which we’ll get to later.

Then the decision was made to swap Dogg into the Intercontinental Title feud and Gunn into the Hardcore Title feud (with Gunn winning the title and defending here), thereby giving the champions no reason to feud with their challengers and taking away the logical payoffs. Welcome to Wrestlemania XV and it’s downhill from here.

It’s a brawl to start (as it should be in this match) and they all head to the floor. Snow sends Gunn knees first into the steps for a great flipping crash, leaving the real hardcore guys to fight up the aisle. Gunn is back up to stomp both guys down but Snow comes back with a hockey stick (fans: “LET’S GO FLYERS!”). They head inside again and Snow starts channeling Steve Blackman’s martial arts demonstrations by swinging around a piece of a broken broom.

Snow uses a chair as a launch pad to slam into Gunn, drawing an ECW chant in the process. Now it’s time for Snow to clean house with Head (a mannequin head that talked to him. Just go with it and move along.) and here’s a table in the corner. The champ gets back up and throws Al through the table (wrestling law #3: if you set up a table, you’re going through it.). The Fameasser takes Snow down again but Holly hits Billy in the back with a chair and steals the pin and the title at 7:07.

Rating: D. Just as I said: there’s no reason for this match to be happening and Gunn was out of his element. Dogg, Holly and Snow had built up a fun feud over the Hardcore Title with creative spots and weapons, but Gunn was just a guy hitting people with stuff and then doing his regular moves. It took away the logical payoff for the sake of surprise and that’s rarely a good thing with this match as an example.

Merchandise plug.

Tag Team Titles: D’Lo Brown/Test vs. Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett

Brown (with Ivory, sporting a bandage from the cigar attack on Heat) and Test (part of the Corporation) are challenging of course. Debra has Lawler and Cole drooling in a bikini and sport coat. It’s a mess to start until Brown runs Jeff over a few times. Test and Owen are quickly in with Brown having to break up the Sharpshooter attempt.

That ticks Test off for some reason so D’Lo comes in, only to eat a spinwheel kick from Owen. Test: “OPEN YOUR EYES!” Brown comes back with a double clothesline and a short powerbomb (not quite the Low Down) for two on Jeff. Everything breaks down and the girls start fighting, allowing Owen to sneak in with a missile dropkick to pin Brown at 3:58.

Rating: C-. This actually wasn’t bad but again: what was the point? This is Wrestlemania, not some house show that no one is going to see. Brown and Test never had any major interactions after this, making this even more worthless. Owen and Jarrett were a decent enough team but they desperately needed opponents. Like say Mideon/Viscera, the Acolytes, the Hardy Boyz, Too Cool etc. As in the other teams in the battle royal but why do that when you can have a random team that makes no sense?

We recap Butterbean vs. Bart Gunn in a Brawl For All match. So back in 1998, the WWF lost its mind and decided to have a shoot toughman competition which was designed to be won by Dr. Death Steve Williams, a legitimate brawler and the Brock Lesnar of the 1980s. However, Bart Gunn shocked the world (or no one who knew his background as a toughman fighter but why pay attention to something like that) and won the thing.

That’s not what the company wanted though, so they put him on the shelf for a few months and gave us this as a payoff. Keep in mind that several competitors were injured during the tournament and missed significant time, including some people who never appeared for the company again. Butterbean is a legitimate professional boxer who weighs about 400lbs and this is a shoot fight. It’s billed as a Brawl For All which had an overly complicated points system but I don’t think it’s going to matter.

Butterbean vs. Bart Gunn

Professional boxer Vinny Pazienza is guest referee. Boxing trainer Kevin Rooney, former boxer Chuck Wepner (the inspiration for Rocky Balboa) and Gorilla Monsoon (very sick here and a few months away from death) are the guest judges. Butterbean caves Bart’s face in before Lawler can make his prediction but Bart gets up….only to take one of the best looking right hands to the face that you’ll ever see. Bart is out before he crashes onto the ropes and then the mat to end this at 37 seconds. Again: shoot match against a professional, making this the biggest waste of a potential payoff.

Since this took about two minutes all together, the San Diego Chicken (sports mascot) shows up to annoy Pazienza, who knocks him out with one punch.

Mankind and “The Big Show” Paul Wight brawled on Heat earlier tonight.

Mankind promises to beat up Big Show again.

Paul Wight vs. Mankind

The winner is guest referee in the main event and Mankind comes out in a white shirt with referee stripes spray painted on. There’s actually a backstory here as Show, a Corporation member, chokeslammed Mankind to cost him the WWF World Title last month. Mankind goes right after him to start and is quickly sent to the floor. That’s fine with Mankind though as he sends Big Show head first into the steps, only to be rammed into them a few seconds later.

Back in and it’s time for the giant to slowly hammer away but the Mandible Claw (with Mr. Socko) puts him in trouble. A low blow puts Show on his knees but the Claw can’t get him down. He even stands up and falls backwards onto Mankind, crushing his ribs in a sick looking landing. Show grabs some chairs to drive into Mankind’s ribs before setting them up in the middle of the ring. A big chokeslam puts Mankind through both chairs and that’s a DQ (FINALLY) at 6:48.

Rating: D. Again this felt like a lame Raw main event instead of what should have been a big Wrestlemania match. Also, you might expect a match with a former World Champion and a monster who had been involved in the World Title scene just a few weeks ago might break eight minutes but it really didn’t get close. Only in 1999, because no one else would think this was a smart idea.

Mankind is now guest referee so Vince comes out, for some reason on a very quiet wireless microphone. He yells at Show for screwing up the plan and almost gets chokeslammed. Always one to push his luck, Vince slaps him in the face and gets punched in the jaw. Again, this really does feel like a Raw segment. Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco (Vince’s goons) come out to carry Vince to the back as Mankind is stretchered out. Will he be able to referee tonight? STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT, because they’re doing an angle that will be paid off in less than two hours.

Once in the back, Vince wants Show arrested for assault in ANOTHER angle on this show.

Intercontinental Title: Road Dogg vs. Ken Shamrock vs. Goldust vs. Val Venis

Here’s the other half of the midcard title swap. So Shamrock has a good looking sister named Ryan, who Billy Gunn hit on. That ticked Ken off so he beat Gunn up and feuded with him over Shamrock’s Intercontinental Title. Venis then won both Ryan and the title with Gunn acting as guest referee (another Russo trope) and counting the pin.

Then Venis dumped Ryan so she hooked up with Goldust. Road Dogg won the Intercontinental Title from Venis and took Billy’s place in the announced four way elimination title match at Wrestlemania. So Shamrock wants to beat up Venis and Goldust for going after his sister, Goldust wants the title, Venis has been fighting all of them and wants his title back and Road Dogg is defending. Oh and Goldust’s other lackey the Blue Meanie (comedy goof) is jealous of Goldust for giving Ryan so much attention. Got all that?

Shamrock whips Dogg around the ring to start but the champ dropkicks him in the face and tags in Goldust, who gets to face Venis. The announcers talk about the fake tournament for the first Intercontinental Title as Venis flips out of the Curtain Call (Goldust needs to find a new finisher already), only to get dropped again. Meanie yells at Ryan as Venis gets two off a top rope bulldog and a fisherman’s suplex.

Venis falls head first into a low blow but Dogg comes in with a DDT to Val for no apparent reason. It’s off to Dogg legally for the Shake Rattle and Roll (some dancing punches, not the neckbreaker) to Val. He celebrates a bit too much though and gets suplexed down for two. That earns Venis an ankle lock from Shamrock but Val holds on for a LONG time and eventually sends Shamrock outside.

Ryan yells at her brother until Venis goes outside for a brawl and a double countout. Ken comes back in and suplexes Dogg and Goldust to leave both guys laying. This gives me a chance to point out how stupid this is considering they have no issues, making this yet another bad decision. Back up and Ryan trips Goldust by mistake (allegedly, as Dogg was nowhere near Goldust), allowing Dogg to roll through a powerslam attempt for the pin to retain at 9:54.

Rating: D+. The match was ok enough but the stories are such a mess/non-existent that I spent most of the time trying to figure out if I liked this or not. The match wouldn’t have been much better if they hadn’t swapped the Outlaws but at least it would have made sense. Oh and to make it better: Goldust beat Dogg for the title the next night on Raw because that show is more important than this one.

Goldust rips into Ryan post match.

Big Show is arrested.

We recap HHH vs. Kane. Chyna had turned on the now good DX to hook up with Kane but Kane accidentally hit her with a fireball. HHH stood up for Chyna by dressing up like Goldust and using a freaking flamethrower to burn Kane, causing flashbacks to the fire that burned Kane as a child. You might think they’re overdoing it here, but this is tame compared to what’s coming.

HHH vs. Kane

Before the match, the San Diego Chicken attacks Kane. This goes badly, because it’s PETE ROSE again, who takes his second Tombstone in two years. HHH is smart enough to sneak in through the crowd to low blow Kane and we start fast. They did a good job of covering it up too as HHH’s pyro equipment was in the ring. That’s a nice little touch that you wouldn’t get today.

They head outside and Kane clotheslines the post by mistake, followed by a whip into the steps. Back in and Kane boots HHH in the face before throwing him out to the floor. Cole: “Like a sack of potatoes.” Lawler: “I don’t think you can throw a sack of potatoes that far.” So HHH is easier to throw than a sack of potatoes?

HHH’s back is rammed into the post a few times and Kane slows things down to his normal pace. A legdrop (called a foot across the sternum by Cole) looks to set up the top rope clothesline but HHH pulls him down out of desperation. The jumping knee to the face drops Kane (he’s softened up a lot in the last year) and here’s Chyna.

The Pedigree is countered and both guys are down so Chyna slides the stairs into the ring. Kane picks them up but HHH kicks them into his face and drop toeholds Kane face first into the steel. HHH can’t hit the Pedigree onto the steps and Kane plants him with the chokeslam. Chyna gets on the apron with a chair though….and hits Kane for the DQ to rejoin HHH at 11:33.

Rating: C. Not a bad match here and probably the best the two of them have ever had, which isn’t the biggest bar to reach. It’s really weird to see Kane fall this far in just a year but at least the HHH and Chyna reunion was a cool moment. You would have expected some fire to be involved here but it’s very refreshing to just have a match instead.

HHH lays Kane out with the chair and a Pedigree post match before officially reuniting with Chyna to a big pop.

Vince says he’ll referee the main event.

Women’s Title: Sable vs. Tori

Sable, now a heel after basically having gone Hollywood, is defending. Tori (not Torrie Wilson) was a crazed fan who wound up getting a title shot because this division was weaker than the tag teams. For reasons that aren’t clear, Tori is in a Giant Gonzalez style body suit, minus the fur at least. Sable won’t let her get in to start so Tori pulls her to the floor and sends the champ into the apron.

A cross body off the apron mostly misses as Lawler wants to see Sable’s grind dance. He gets his wish but Tori clotheslines her down and hits some of the worst forearms I’ve seen in years. Tori only mostly screws up a sunset flip out of the corner for two. The referee gets bumped which is probably much better than trying to have a regular match here. Cue a monster named Nicole Bass to lay out Tori with a gorilla press, followed by the Sable Bomb to retain the title at 5:01.

Rating: F. There’s no way around this one as neither of them had any business being in there and it showed badly. Sable turning heel was a horrible idea as she fell down the card and was gone in just a few months due to a lot of backstage issues. Tori found her calling as a valet who thankfully almost never wrestled and after this disaster I couldn’t be more thankful. Bass never did anything other than lame comedy.

Video on Shane McMahon with the Mean Street Posse (Shane’s goofy friends) talking about how tough Shane was growing up in Greenwich, Connecticut. This was actually funny.

DX says they’re reunited and X-Pac (formerly the 1-2-3 Kid) is getting the European Title back. Shane McMahon (Vince’s incredibly athletic son) started going after X-Pac and eventually stole the title from him in a tag match. This is the one on one rematch.

European Title: X-Pac vs. Shane McMahon

Shane is defending and has Test in his corner. Patterson and Brisco fail at attacking X-Pac during the entrances so Shane has to run. He celebrates over a leapfrog, earning him a kick to the face. Test saves Shane from the Bronco Buster and crotches X-Pac against the post as the Mean Street Posse watch from the front row. Back in and Shane hammers away but misses a Corporate Elbow.

Instead he whips X-Pac with a belt until a backdrop puts the champ on the floor. The Posse saves Shane but he gets crotched on the top rope, setting up a superplex for two. Shane distracts the referee in the corner so Test can take X-Pac’s head off with the European Title for a very close near fall. Now it’s Shane missing a Bronco Buster, drawing in Test for another save. Cue HHH and Chyna to even things up….before turning on X-Pac with a Pedigree, allowing Shane to retain at 8:43.

Rating: C-. This is a bit higher as Shane isn’t a wrestler. He’s still a very glorified rookie at this point and his athleticism was very impressive considering he was only wrestling on occasion. That being said, the story was just so stupid as Chyna turned face just half an hour ago, making the whole thing a total mess entirely designed around shock value instead of anything that made sense. On top of that Shane keeps the title, which he would vacate a week later. Therefore, X-Pac loses twice, doesn’t get his revenge, and gets laid out while a non-wrestler gets away with everything after everyone is confused by all the turns. Again: Russo.

Post match the Outlaws make the save until Kane comes out to chase HHH off. The Outlaws shout to Lawler that HHH is done. He would be done with the midcard at least as he would win his first WWF World Title in August.

We recap the Big Boss Man vs. Undertaker, which is just a side story of Undertaker vs. Vince McMahon. Undertaker has gone insane and has been stalking Vince’s family, even stealing a bear from Vince’s house (later revealed to belong to his daughter Stephanie, who hadn’t debuted yet) and lighting it on fire. This was part of a MUCH bigger conspiracy that involved secret deals, hidden alliances, Vince being an even bigger psycho than anyone ever knew, and so many plot holes that it was even harder to keep track of than anything else on this show. As for tonight though, Vince is throwing in the Boss Man to take care of Undertaker.

Undertaker vs. Big Boss Man

Hell in a Cell. To give you an idea of where Undertaker is right now, here are some of the spoken words during his theme song: “Accept the lord of darkness as your savior. Allow the purity of evil to guide you.” Boss Man pounds away in the corner to start but Undertaker does the same to take over. Various shots put Undertaker down but he keeps sitting up. A double leg trip (in the Cell mind you) puts Boss Man on the floor and Undertaker rams him into the Cell a few times.

Boss Man pulls out some handcuffs to attach Undertaker to the Cell wall. Some nightstick shots break the cuffs though, making the whole thing a waste of time, like so many other things on this show. Undertaker is busted open but comes right back with chair shots to take over, busting Boss Man open in the process. Back in and Undertaker keeps up the offense as we’re waiting on the inevitable. Old School is broken up and Boss Man gets in a few shots, only to walk into the Tombstone for the pin at 9:49.

Rating: F. The sign of a bad gimmick match is when you could do the exact same match without the gimmick being involved. There’s no reason for this to be the Cell as it could have easily been done in a regular cage match instead. It didn’t help that the ending was obvious from the second the match was announced. In addition to the Boss Man being little more than a workout for Undertaker, they had already made it clear that this story was nowhere near being over, which isn’t the spot for a Cell match. Finally, a Cell match that doesn’t break ten minutes? That’s not acceptable.

Post match the Brood (Edge, Christian and Gangrel, a mini stable in the Undertaker’s Ministry of Darkness) drops from the ceiling onto the roof of the Cell so they can slip the Undertaker a noose. Undertaker wraps it around Boss Man’s neck and the Cell raises up to hang Boss Man in the middle of the arena.

As Undertaker’s music is playing: Cole: “It’s been a heck of a week in Philadelphia for Wrestlemania!”, and we go to a package on the Wrestlemania Rage Party. A MAN WAS JUST HUNG IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING AND IS STILL ON THE VERGE OF DYING. WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT A WRESTLEMANIA PARTY???

Jim Ross makes his return from a bout of Bell’s Palsy to announce the main event. Ross tips his hat to Cole in a nice gesture.

Vince is guest referee, but Commissioner Shawn Michaels makes a surprise appearance with referee Mike Chioda. After complaining that he had to buy a ticket to get in, Shawn tells Vince that he has to pay attention to the rulebook. The rules clearly state that only one person can appoint a referee at Wrestlemania, and I think you can guess who that is. On top of that, the Corporation is barred from ringside and if Shawn sees any of them out here, he and Vince can have a fight of their own out back. This is another angle made and written off in less than two hours.

There’s no recap for Austin vs. Rock but it’s a simple story. Rock won the WWF World Title at Survivor Series 1998 by reaffirming his heel status (he had started turning good after Summerslam but never fully switched) as he was revealed as Vince’s corporate champion. Vince won the 1999 Royal Rumble but Austin wound up with the title shot when Vince forfeited the chance. As mentioned, this is really just the latest man that Vince is throwing at Austin as part of the real feud.

That’s what gave Vince vs. Austin such longevity: Austin could keep fighting fresh opponents because they were always Vince’s latest handpicked man. Instead of fighting one man, Austin was fighting a movement. This gave it the chance to go on far longer than a one on one feud and that’s exactly what Austin vs. Vince did.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Steve Austin

No DQ, Rock is defending and Austin comes out in a shirt due to forgetting his vest at home. This is also the Wrestlemania debut of the WWF World Title belt that debuted the night after Wrestlemania XIV. They immediately brawl to the floor to start and go into the crowd for the main event style brawl. No one can get an advantage so they fight up the aisle with Rock backdropping him knee first onto an electric light, only to be sent into the big Wrestlemania logo, making it sway in a bit of a scary moment.

The champ takes over again and spits water in Austin’s face, only to have Austin put him on the Spanish announcers’ table for an elbow. The table doesn’t break so Austin does it again to get the job done. That’s just the kind of guy he is. Now it’s Austin spitting water in Rock’s face and whipping him into the steps before they go inside for the first time in nearly ten minutes. A Rock Bottom out of nowhere gets two so it’s time for a chair.

As you might expect, the referee takes the hit instead, because this match has been entirely by the book until now. Rock uses the chair to stay on Austin’s knee and a big shot to the head gets two from a second referee. We hit the chinlock and see a replay showing Rock pulling the referee in front of the chair shot earlier on. Rock gets frustrated by a near fall so he Rock Bottoms the referee, only to walk into a Stunner for two from the third referee.

This brings out Vince for a distraction so Rock can hit a low blow. Vince punches out the referee and helps double team Austin until Mick Foley hobbles to the ring to be the fourth referee. The Thesz press takes Rock down but there’s another Rock Bottom. Rock misses the Corporate Elbow and the Stunner gives Austin the title back at 16:52. Vince looking like he’s about to cry is great.

Rating: B. It may not be the highest quality and it was more overbooked than it needed to be but it was certainly entertaining and the right kind of brawl these two needed to have. Austin winning is obvious (sign in the crowd for a lot of the match: “I bet Austin wins.”) and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s still good stuff and a very appropriate style brawl for this era. This would be forgotten later though due to their future Wrestlemania epics but this is quite good on its own.

A lot of beer is consumed, including some by Earl Hebner. JR: “He’s toasting a man who works for a living.” Vince swears at Austin and gets punched in the jaw. One more Stunner ends the show. It wouldn’t have felt right without it.

Highlight package takes us out.

Overall Rating: D. Oh this does not hold up well. Aside from the good main event, there is just WAY too much going on here with the show feeling more like Raw than a pay per view. They were booking angles that started and ended later in the show, despite the people having already paid for the show in the first place. This is definitely a show that worked better live with all the twists and turns but those really don’t hold up when you have time to look at them.

The biggest problem though is that aside from the main event, nothing feels important. You have the Tag Team Titles thrown together, the non-wrestler retaining the European Title, the midcard title merry go round and Chyna turning twice in half an hour. That’s certainly a lot of stuff happening, but how much of it is stuff that I actually want to see?

Above all else, the show moves too fast. Of the ten matches, only the main event and HHH vs. Kane break ten minutes. Nothing has a chance to sink in and that takes away a lot of the impact these matches and segments could have. Consider HHH reuniting with Chyna. Yeah it was a cool moment when it happened (albeit two months after they split in the first place) but they both turned half an hour later. How can I let either of them sink in when they happen so close together? If nothing else, it makes me wonder what they’re going to do next instead of thinking it’s over and the big finale for them on that night.

Overall, the problem here is one we’ve encountered before: it doesn’t feel like a Wrestlemania. Other than the main event, nothing feels important. Almost all of this stuff could have happened on any given episode of Raw and that’s just not right. It’s not a good Wrestlemania but there are worse ones out there. Not many of them of course but they do exist. Slow it down and give us some more important matches and the show improves a lot, but that’s a standard criticism of this era.

Ratings Comparison

Hardcore Holly vs. Billy Gunn vs. Al Snow

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D

D’Lo Brown/Test vs. Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett

Original: F+

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: C-

Butterbean vs. Bart Gunn

Original: F

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Mankind vs. Big Show

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Ken Shamrock vs. Road Dogg vs. Goldust vs. Val Venis

Original: D

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: D+

Kane vs. HHH

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: C

Tori vs. Sable

Original: F

2013 Redo: F

2015 Redo: F

X-Pac vs. Shane McMahon

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: C-

Undertaker vs. Big Boss Man

Original: H (For holy goodness why was this a Cell match?)

2013 Redo: F

2015 Redo: F

Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Individual ratings aside, it still sucks.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/22/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-15-this-is-the-best-they-can-do/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/24/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xv-russo-at-his-best/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 1999
Date: January 24, 1999
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 14,816
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

As much as last year’s show was a necessary evil, this show is just evil in general. The company is firing on all cylinders right now but it’s much more about drama than anything else. Mankind won the world title in a shocker 20 days before this, beating the Rock in an impromptu match on Raw. Tonight is the rematch in an I Quit match, which is the only match Mankind knows he can’t lose to Rock. It turns out to be one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever seen in wrestling. Also the Rumble is nothing but a backdrop for Austin vs. Vince, which isn’t a good thing either. Let’s get to it.

Luckily for me, I’ve been reviewing the Raw’s leading up to this show, so the stories will actually be fresh in my mind for a change.

This version opens with some interviews by guys in the Rumble, talking about how the bounty on Austin (Vince has offered $100,000 to whoever knocks Austin out) has them extra fired up. Chyna getting #30 is also discussed.

Opening video is what you would expect. Also the theme song for this show is No Chance, which would become Vince’s theme song after tonight. The idea is that Austin is #1 in the Rumble and Vince is #2, meaning if Austin wants to go to Wrestlemania, he has to run the gauntlet.

Big Boss Man vs. Road Dogg

Roadie is Hardcore Champion but this is non-title and a regular match. Dang it I forgot Boss Man is a tag champion here so I can’t call one of them a champion. Boss Man runs the ropes to start so Roadie tells him to suck it. The fans get on Boss Man so he shoves Road Dogg into the corner and pounds away. The Big guy misses a splash in the corner and Dogg pounds away. The announcers ask a very good question: why isn’t this for the title? Vince could make it for the title if he wanted, but instead he makes it non-title? Why?

Anyway, Road Dogg crotches Boss Man on the post to take over but gets knocked to the floor by an elbow. Back in and Boss Man pounds away but Dogg steps on his foot to escape. That lasts for about five seconds as Boss Man kicks him in the face to take over again. We hit the bearhug and Boss Man thrusts his hips into Dogg’s crotch. There’s an image I certainly didn’t need.

Dogg bites his way out of the hold but gets kneed right back down. The buckle pad is taken off and Boss Man gets two off a spinebuster. Boss Man wins a brief slugout and chokes away again. Lawler cheers for Boss Man but Dogg grabs a sleeper to get himself a breather. Boss Man goes up for some reason and is slammed down almost immediately. Dogg comes back with his usual and gets two off the shaky knee, but the Boss Man Slam ends this out of nowhere.

Rating: C-. Meh. That’s the only word that came to my head after watching this. At the end of the day, when the Outlaws play things seriously, they get pretty dull. Boss Man was fine in this role and he played it as he always did, but that doesn’t mean he should be having twelve minute matches with the Road Dogg. Not a bad match at all, but I don’t quite get why it existed.

We get a quick recap of Billy Gunn vs. Shamrock. Gunn hit on Ryan Shamrock (Ken’s sister) and Ken snapped, giving Billy a title shot for some reason as a result.

Intercontinental Title: Billy Gunn vs. Ken Shamrock

Surprisingly enough Gunn is the aggressor to start but Ken is a bit of a better ground fighter, giving himself control. Billy comes back with a clothesline on the double (tag/IC) champion as things slow down. A suplex gets two for Gunn but he misses a charge into the corner, allowing Ken to fire off some kicks. Ken fires off more kicks to the chest and back of Gunn and gets two off a spinwheel kick.

Billy comes back out of nowhere with the yet to be named Fameasser to buy himself a breather. He pounds away in the corner but Shamrock dumps him to the floor before pounding Billy into the barricade. The beating continues as Gunn is sent into a chair to keep Shamrock in control. They fight to the apron where Gunn makes a quick comeback, hitting a kind of Stroke into the announce table.

Back in and Shamrock goes right for the knee to take over. No ankle lock yet though as Ken busts out a Robinsdale Crunch of all things. Well if nothing else he has good taste in leg moves. For those of you younger people, it’s basically Shamrock wrapping his legs around Billy’s leg and crushing it between his own knees/legs. A HARD kick to the head puts Billy down again and we hear about Billy’s bad ankle from Raw. Not that he has tape on it or has been limping for the first ten minutes of the match or anything, but apparently he has a bad ankle.

Billy comes back with a clothesline but the referee is bumped. Cue Val Venis who also has issues with Shamrock to DDT the champion, giving Billy a two count. Gunn pounds away but goes up (with a bad ankle because he’s an idiot) and crashes on the ankle. Ankle lock and we’re done.

Rating: D+. Too long here and the Venis thing didn’t change anything at all. Billy’s ankle injury was pretty stupid because you didn’t really need the stuff from Raw to set up what happened here. Shamrock got a solid midcard push around this time and even had some cups of upper midcard coffee (only $5.95 at Starbucks!). The Corporation and DX would keep feuding for a few more months.

Shane fires Vince up in the back.

European Title: Gangrel vs. X-Pac

The vampire is challenging. This is another of those matches that is there so they can have another title match on the card, meaning there’s no story that I can think of. Road Dogg might have gotten a blood bath recently but that’s about it. They hit the ropes very quickly to start with Pac grabbing an armdrag to take over. Gangrel grabs a headlock but they speed things up almost immediately again.

Pac hits a quick legdrop but misses a kick in the corner to shift momentum again. We hit the chinlock to give the guys an earned breather. The champ fights up and gets thrown into the air for two. Gangrel misses a top rope elbow and Pac gets two off his jumping clothesline. A big spinwheel kick takes Gangrel down again and X-Pac hits the Bronco Buster.

The third spinwheel kick in about four minutes takes Gangrel down, but Pac gets crotched on the top, continuing a theme tonight. Pac tries a cross body but Gangrel rolls him through for a botched near fall by referee Teddy Long (he countered three but Pac’s shoulder was up). Not that it matters as the X Factor retains the title a few seconds later.

Rating: C+. Referee’s botch aside, this was a nice surprise. Gangrel is hardly known for his in ring abilities but he looked pretty good out there tonight. Pac was better here against a smaller guy as usual, and we got a good match out of it. After the two longer and not great matches earlier, this was a nice pick up.

DX says they’re united tonight but the $100,000 bounty makes it every man (Chyna: “And woman”) for themselves. Billy was nowhere to be seen here for some reason.

Here’s Shane to be ring announcer for the next match for no apparent reason.

Women’s Title: Luna Vachon vs. Sable

Scratch that ring announcer line as apparently he’s here to accept Sable’s forfeiture of the title. This was supposed to be a strap match which had a total of 18 seconds of build on Raw. That’s not an exaggeration either. They came out during another match and that was the only mention. Luna attacked Sable on Heat before the show tonight and injured the champ’s back, but Sable wants to fight anyway.

This is the four corners variety so Sable can look TOUGH here. Sable shoves her into the corner and whips Luna to the floor. She keeps whipping Luna and gets three corners but Luna makes the stop. We get more choking and whipping before Luna drags Sable around with both of them getting the buckles at the same time. You know, like in every other strap match EVER. Shane gets up on the apron before Sable gets the buckle, but Sable’s psycho fan Tori uses the distraction to deck Luna, giving sable the win.

Rating: D. Sable was insanely over back in 98, but at this point it was starting to wear thin. I always felt sorry for Luna who never got to win the Women’s Title. She really would have been a good choice for an evil chick for some blonde heroine to beat, but instead we got worthless lumps like Jackie. Nothing to see here but it could have been worse.

The Corporation says it’s everyone for themselves.

We recap Rock vs. Mankind, which we’ve covered already. Rock lost the title on January 4 on Raw so he wanted a rematch. Mankind kept saying no until Rock said he’d quit trying, which Mankind immediately accepted. The idea is that Mankind has never quit and has been through so much punishment that there’s nothing Rock can do to beat him.

Rock says that he isn’t just some other guy to Mankind, and he’s going to be the first man to make Mankind give up. If you’ve never seen it and have a stomach for blood, I can highly recommend the documentary Beyond the Mat, which is about the behind the scenes world in the WWF and this match is a focus of the film. This promo was being filmed by the documentary cameras and Mankind was about three feet from Rock here. More on this later.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Mankind

I Quit rules here. Rock is in his workout gear, which means his male breast enlargement surgery scars haven’t quite healed yet. There isn’t a single bit of sarcasm or humor in that statement. Mankind is defending and had to fight on Heat against the 500lb Mabel. Also the champ has recently gotten his most well known theme song, but it’s still the original version here which doesn’t have the clapping in it yet.

Mankind takes over early and hits his running knee to Rock’s head in the corner. He pounds away on Rock but Rock isn’t ready to quit yet. Some mic shots to the head keep Rock down but he still won’t say it. The Cactus Clothesline puts both guys on the floor but Rock gets in a shot to take over. They head to the commentary desk where Rock talks some trash to King before getting hit in the back by a chair.

Back in and there’s the double arm DDT from the champ. Mr. Socko makes an appearance to put the Claw on Rock. King: “But you can’t talk with your mouth full!” The hold puts Rock out, meaning he can’t say he quits. Not the smartest move in the world there Mick. We brawl into the crowd but Rock hits a kind of suplex to take them back to ringside. There’s the bell ringing spot (Rock puts the bell on Mankind’s head and rings said bell) before singing a bit as only Rock can pull off in the middle of a match.

Rock loads up the Rock Bottom on the table but it gives way, crashing them to the floor. They slug it out some more and head up the aisle where Mankind clotheslines Rock down. Up to the tech area now and Rock hits the snap DDT onto the concrete. It’s ladder time (almost kind of foreshadowing in a way) but Rock gets crushed underneath it before he can use it. Mankind misses an elbow drop onto the ladder and both guys are down again.

Rock sets up the ladder next to the tech area and they climb up to a ledge in front of a balcony. The slugout ensues and Mankind is knocked off the ledge and onto the electrical stuff which shoots sparks and knocks out the arena lights for a few seconds. Mankind is mostly dead on the floor so here’s Shane to come out and ask Rock to chill a bit. Rock says he’s going to make Mankind say he quits, but he won’t ask him. You know, because Mankind isn’t going to say it and Rock knows this. Cole of course doesn’t get it and whines for about five minutes about it.

We head back into the ring where Mankind is basically out on the mat. Cole: “How is Mick Foley standing?” HE’S FREAKING LAY…..never mind. It’s not worth trying to get through Cole’s thick head. Anyway, Rock finds some handcuffs and this is about to get bad. Rock starts pounding away at Mankind’s unprotected head. Somewhere in there the champ was busted open.

Mankind comes back with a pair of low blows and headbutts (remember his arms are handcuffed behind his back). Rock clotheslines him down….and grabs a chair. We get the Corporate Elbow on the chair on Mankind’s head, but that’s just the beginning. Mick won’t quit, so Rocky hits him in the head (remember, unprotected) twice with HARD chair shots. Here are three more to finally knock Mankind down and out to the floor.

Even Lawler says that’s enough, but Rock hits Mankind in the back and side of the head with the chair. There is blood EVERYWHERE. Rock has a clear shot at Mankind’s back but instead waits for him to stand up and hit him in the head again. ANOTHER shot (we’re up to about 12 now) to the head puts Foley down and Mankind SCREAMS that he quits. Note that Mankind isn’t moving an inch and there’s a noticeable echo to his voice which there hasn’t been all night. That would come into play on Raw the next night.

Rating: B. This is a REALLY hard one to grade because the last five minutes are nothing but disturbing. We saw a guy completely defenseless and having his head smashed in with a piece of metal by a world class athlete. Pre Benoit or post Benoit, that’s a completely unnecessary risk and a terrifying thing to see. I love these two fighting, but this was legitimately disturbing.

Again, if you’ve never seen it, check out Beyond the Mat. It shows Mankind’s wife and family in the audience in terror watching this, but you can only hear the sound of the chair shots. If it was a horror movie it would be absolutely chilling. Also it shows Foley in the back looking at himself after the beating and the first time he looks in a mirror he stops almost cold. This went WAY too far.

We recap the Rumble, which is literally all about Vince vs. Austin and Austin’s path back to the title which begins tonight. Vince keeps screwing Austin out of the title but he’s kept coming back to get another shot. That’s most of the year in a nutshell actually.

Earlier tonight Austin came in on a monster truck limo for no apparent reason. He got in Vince’s face earlier as well, resulting in the Stooges getting beaten up.

Royal Rumble

There’s a $100,000 bounty on Austin’s head and we have Austin at #1 and Vince at #2. I think you can see what’s coming from here. The intervals are 90 seconds here. Howard goes into a REALLY long winded explanation of the rules, causing Lawler to freak out on him. Vince of course takes the chance to show off his impressive physique. Austin immediately pounds away as Cole sums up Vince vs. Austin: “How often do you get to see an employee rip the CEO of a Fortune 500 company apart?”

Austin destroys Vince for a few moments with basic stuff until Golga is #3. There’s the Thesz Press and Golga slides in but Austin knocks him out in 15 seconds. Vince rolls to the floor and heads into the crowd with Austin chasing after him. They brawl (read as Austin punches him and Vince staggers away) up the crowd as there’s no one in the ring. Droz comes in at #4 with no one to fight. See, why did Golga have to be eliminated? It doesn’t sound great but having Droz vs. Golga is better than nothing.

Anyway, Vince and Austin brawl into the back and into a ladies’ room where the Corporation jumps Austin. Naturally the camera feed is lost so we don’t see what actually happens. We come back to the arena to see Droz just standing there. The years away from meaning anything Edge is #5 to actually give us some action. After about 45 seconds, Gillberg is #6. The hilarious entrance takes forever and Edge dumps him in about five seconds.

We cut back to the bathroom and Austin is out cold on the floor. Steve Blackman is #7 as the low level stuff continues. I mean, at the end of the day NO ONE in the ring at the moment is going to be bought as a serious contender here. Austin is being treated by EMTs as Blackman fires off kicks to Edge. Dan Severn and his wet t-shirt are #8. He and Blackman have the WWF style MMA fight as we see Austin on a stretcher. That’s about the fourth time we’ve cut to Austin and away from the ring.

Tiger Ali Singh (think an Indian Ted DiBiase with ZERO charisma) is #9 as we see the ambulance drive away. The five nothings in the ring continue to waste our time until Blue Meanie is #10. Again in way less than 90 seconds, there’s no #11. We cut to the back (running theme tonight) and see Mabel beating up Mosh to take his place in the match. He immediately dumps Severn and Blackman plus Singh. There go Meanie and Droz, leaving us with Edge, Mabel and Road Dogg who is #12. Road Dogg dumps Edge and there go the lights.

Taker’s music hits and we have the Acolytes and Mideon in the ring beating up Mabel. They dump him out, yet AGAIN leaving us with just one person standing there. Taker and Bearer pop up and stare down Mabel, apparently hypnotizing him, which would lead to Mabel becoming Viscera. Gangrel is #13 with his rocking entrance music. There goes Gangrel so we stand around a bit more.

Kurrgan is #14 and destroys Dogg with power stuff. Psycho Al Snow is #15 and helps double team Kurrgan. Snow tries to get on the ropes for more leverage and is immediately dumped by Dogg. Goldust is #16 and Kurrgan gets double teamed again. With the big man down, Roadie tries Shattered Dreames on Goldie. Kurrgan saves Goldust for no apparent reason and it’s Dogg that goes down instead.

Godfather is #17 but the Ho’s leave, ticking off the fans. After about 30 seconds of Godfather being in the ring, here’s Kane at #18 to FINALLY give us some star power. The ring is cleared in about 30 seconds and the place goes nuts for Kane. Since having Kane as a dominant monster to set up a showdown with another big name would be interesting, the people from the insane asylum come out to try to institutionalize Kane (just go with it), so he eliminates himself.

Shamrock is #19 with no one to fight. Vince comes back out to do commentary. Billy Gunn limps to the ring at #20 and is immediately taken down with a leg shot. The beating goes on for awhile until Test is #21. We cut to the back (AGAIN) to see Mabel being beaten into a hearse. An ambulance pulls up and it’s being drive by a certain bald headed Rattlesnake. Because clearly a guy can be beaten down, wake up less than 20 minutes later, get out of an ambulance bed, take over the ambulance, and get back to the arena in under half an hour.

Austin comes back to the ring as Boss Man is #22. Austin chases Vince around and into the ring but gets jumped by Shamrock. That’s it for Kenny so here’s HHH at #23, giving us three tall guys with long blonde hair. Billy goes after Austin for the sake of the money as Vince plays cheerleader. Vince tries not to slip into commentator mode as he talks about people wanting the money.

Val Venis is #24 and Austin dumps Billy. X-Pac is #25 and Val pounds on Austin. He kicks Steve to the floor as we’re just waiting on the Austin and Vince interaction. A spinwheel kick from Pac puts Austin down as Mark Henry is #26. Henry swings for Austin but decks Boss Man instead. Jeff Jarrett is #27 and nothing happens again. Pac kicks at a lot of people and hits the Bronco Buster on Boss Man.

In a somewhat famous bit, HHH is clearly heard asking Val if he can hang on if HHH throws him over the ropes. After that punch to kayfabe’s stomach, D’Lo Brown is #28. Austin dumps Test and X-Pac to give us some more mat space. Boss Man and Jarrett team up to try to eliminate Austin but he fights them off again. There goes Jarrett as Owen Hart is #29. Austin spits at Vince as the ring is way too full.

Chyna is #30, giving us a final group of Chyna, Austin, Vince, Boss Man, HHH, Venis, Henry, Brown, Hart and Chyna. Chyna manages to dump Henry but is knocked out almost immediately by Austin. HHH throws Val out to get us down to five. There’s a Stunner to dump HHH and get us down to five guys. Austin avoids a dropkick from Brown and they fight in the corner a bit.

Owen hits the enziguri on Austin and is backdropped out just a few seconds later. Boss Man takes Austin down and Brown hits the Low Down. Brown poses too long though and Boss Man tosses him, only to get tossed by Austin. We’re down to Austin vs. McMahon and the beating is on. Austin destroys Vince with a chair shot and the boss is in big trouble. We head back inside and Vince hits a quick low blow to give himself a breather. Austin comes back with the Stunner and beats on Vince until Rock comes out. Rock and Austin have their staredown, allowing Vince to dump Austin and win the Rumble.

Rating: F. No. This was a failure on every level. The premise was stupid, the execution was TERRIBLE, and Vince winning makes the whole thing a big joke. We had THREE part where the booking resulted in the ring being empty. Who in the world thought that was a goo….oh yeah this is still Russo Time. Absolutely horrible here and the worst Rumble of all time, pretty much by far.

Vince has a BIG celebration to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The Rumble SUCKED, the title match was decent, and the rest of the show was either bad or forgettable. That’s more or less 1999 in a nutshell. On top of that, this would all mean NOTHING by the next week, as we had Halftime Heat coming up to give Mankind the title back, as well as Vince forfeiting his title shot at Mania, resulting in Austin going anyway. Just awful overall.

Ratings Comparison

Big Boss Man vs. Road Dogg

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Ken Shamrock vs. Billy Gunn

Original: D+

Redo: C+

X-Pac vs. Gangrel

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Sable vs. Luna Vachon

Original: F

Redo: D

The Rock vs. Mankind

Original: B

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: F

Redo: F

Overall Rating

Original: D-

Redo: D

It still sucks.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-1999-please-make-it-stop/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 1997
Date: January 19, 1997
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 60,235
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

I’m scared to think how many of those tickets were freebies. This is the annual requested redo and I’m not sure what to expect going into it. Well I am as I’ve seen the show multiple times but it’s been awhile. The main event is of course Shawn Michaels vs. Sid II because we need the big hometown moment. Those actually existed back in 1997. Let’s get to it.

When reviewing the classic moments of the Royal Rumble from 1997 to 2017, you can design the players’ signature moves and favorite wrestling moments into Custom Coins that will be transformed into eternal treasures.

You can also engrave your favorite players’ signatures, classic quotes, and even exclusive numbers. Each coin is a time capsule that carries not only the highlights of the event but also your deep resonance with wrestling culture.

You can recall the excitement and glory of the time through the design, text, or pattern on the coin and enhance your love and loyalty to wrestling.

As you might expect, the opening video is all about Shawn because it’s 1997. The title win at Wrestlemania was nice at all but his defining moment came at Survivor Series when he showed compassion for Jose Lothario instead of trying to retain the title. Well to be fair that would be defining as it meant Shawn actually lost a title match instead of vacating the title so maybe they’re on to something.

The announcers preview the show and Lawler is VERY excited about the main event.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

This is one of my least favorite matches ever. Helmsley is defending against a freshly face Goldust. Basically everyone thought Goldust was gay but he confirmed that he wasn’t, which sent HHH after Marlena for some reason. Mr. Hughes makes his debut as HHH’s short lived bodyguard/butler which is code for bodyguard/Chyna is on the way.

Goldust jumps him in the aisle and hammers away in the corner until a quick atomic drop gets us to even. A catapult sends HHH outside as the crowd is really, really quiet here. I’m not sure if it’s the place being huge or the fans being bored but it’s not working so far. Goldust sends him into the steps, causing JR to suggest we might get a DQ. I mean, we probably won’t this early but points for doing your job.

They keep using the steps with HHH bouncing off them and now Lawler thinks it should be a DQ. Vince talks about some fans who had been trying to talk to Shawn for weeks being thrown out of the building. That’s one of those things that doesn’t really hold up over time as they just gloss over it and expect us to know what he’s talking about. It makes sense at the time but there are probably better things to talk about during a title match on pay per view.

HHH actually comes off the top with an ax handle but a running knee hits the barricade. As JR asks about a DQ again, Goldust starts in on the knee like a good challenger should. We hit a Figure Four as this is already dragging horribly. The knee goes into the steps again as the announcers are wondering why the referee is letting so much go. Back in and Goldust misses a crossbody (called a high risk by JR) to send him outside as HHH takes over again.

The referee FINALLY does something by taking away the director’s chair before HHH can swing it (Lawler: “Why didn’t you do something about those stairs earlier?”) and they head back in. The match is so boring that we actually cut over to an interview with a country singer in the audience. That’s getting up there on the all time boredom scale and the dead crowd seems to agree.

HHH misses the kneedrop and hurts his leg again in the process but he’s still able to roll away from a Macho Elbow. Hughes, likely as bored as the rest of us, throws in the title but HHH would rather kiss Marlena. That earns him a belt shot to the head, only to have Hughes pull HHH out at two. Of course that’s not a DQ so Goldust goes after Hughes, setting up the Pedigree for the pin to retain the title.

Rating: F+. Oh yeah this is still bad and still one of the worst matches I can ever remember to open the show. It’s too long, too boring and completely uninteresting. This really needed to have about seven minutes chopped off and far less using the steps. I dread this match every time I watch the show and that hasn’t changed a bit.

Bret Hart is used to being the marked man in a match so the Royal Rumble will be no different.

Mankind talks about the Rumble being a chance to hurt a lot of people that he doesn’t like as well as some that he does. It’s going to be a very nice day.

Faarooq vs. Ahmed Johnson

Faarooq injured Johnson back in 1996 and it’s finally time for the grudge match in a feud that felt like it went on for the better part of forever. There are at least ten members of the Nation of Domination here, including a few actors who exist for the sole purpose of making the group bigger. As you might expect, Ahmed erupts to start and beats Faarooq down in the corner before sending him into the post. Where’s the OUTRAGE from the announcers over this blatant breaking of the rules?

A shot to the kidneys slows Johnson down and Faarooq calls for a belt, earning himself a clothesline in the process though. The brawl heads outside for a bit with neither being able to keep control all that long as you would expect in a brawl like this. A chair to the back keeps Ahmed in trouble and Faarooq opts to just kick him in the kidneys for good measure.

It’s off to the very logical reverse chinlock but Faarooq does the very stupid posing, allowing an electric chair to put him down. Faarooq comes right back with a spinebuster though, which JR calls a physical catch instead of a fair catch. Uh, right Jim. Ahmed pops up again and hits one of his own, meaning it’s time for the Nation to come in for the lame DQ.

Rating: D. Still not great but WAY better than the first, at least partially because it’s half the length of the opener. Johnson vs. Faarooq needed to be some big wild brawl, or maybe Johnson finding some partners to help him fight off the team. Like say the Legion of Doom in Chicago in a street fight. But for some reason the feud just kept going after that, which is probably why this feud isn’t the most fondly remembered.

Post match the Nation bails for some reason, leaving Ahmed to Pearl River Plunge one of them through a table.

Terry Funk thinks he can win because we’re in Texas. Nah, just one of those per show dude. Besides, Goldust is from Austin and look at what he got. Or don’t look actually as it’s too horrible for words. Or reviews for that matter.

Faarooq says he’ll take care of Ahmed in the Rumble because Johnson is an “Uncle Tom”.

Vader vs. Undertaker

There’s not much of a story here save for some back and forth attacks. We get the big long Undertaker entrance and as usual it looks amazing in the big stadium. They slug it out to start with Undertaker doing the sit up off a clothesline. The standing splash gets the exact same reaction and Vader is looking a bit worried.

The fight heads outside with Undertaker getting the better of it but Vader drops him ribs first across the top rope to take over again. Undertaker gets in a slam followed by a legdrop, which JR says is like no one has ever done. I’m sure that’s certainly not meant as a jab at anyone in particular second cousin twice removed.

Old School is broken up which JR says means Vader had it well scouted. Or Vader was smart enough to do ANYTHING when Undertaker was off balance and distracted? And now, let’s go INTERVIEW A FAN WHO SAVED UP TO COME TO THE SHOW. Lawler rips on Pettengill for wasting our time like that (amen brother) while Vader was pounding Undertaker about the head and shoulders (the body parts, not the shampoo).

We hit the lame nerve hold for a bit until Undertaker suplexes his way to freedom, leaving both guys down. Vader is up first and goes to the middle rope, only to dive into a powerslam. That would be a lot more impressive if Ahmed hadn’t done the EXACT SAME THING, even from the same corner, to Faarooq in the previous match.

Vader’s powerbomb gets two but Old School drops him again….and here’s Paul Bearer. Undertaker gets in a chokeslam but makes the mistake of going after Paul. Vader tries for a save and avoids a dive off the steps, sending Undertaker ribs first into the barricade. Bearer adds an urn shot and it’s the Vader Bomb to put Undertaker away.

Rating: C-. I’m a fan of Undertaker slugging away at a monster so this was more entertaining than it probably should have been. Vader was in something close to a free fall after losing to Shawn at Summerslam so this was more of a comeback win than anything else. Undertaker vs. Bearer would continue for a very long time.

Vader leaves with Bearer and Undertaker beats up a referee.

Austin says he isn’t talking with anyone until he wins the Rumble.

British Bulldog is going to win because he’s bizarre. Yes, bizarre.

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Fuerza Guerrera/Heavy Metal

This is a AAA match because the company was willing to try ANYTHING to get people interested, including these guys that 99% of fans have never heard of before. I’ll do my best to have any idea who these people are and what’s going on here but bear with me. Estrada and Heavy Metal (who Vince things is Estrada) start things off do a technical sequence to start before it’s off to the ancient looking Aguayo vs. the very feathery looking Estrada.

The crowd is just GONE for this one as Canek’s middle rope crossbody gets on Guerrera. Fuerza misses a top rope crane kick Swanton (that’s an odd one) so Canek gets an easy two. Heavy Metal does a Tajiri handspring but stumbles through the elbow to drop Garza. Things speed up a bit but they still seem a few steps off to keep this from getting, you know, good.

We hit a stalemate and that means it’s time to shake hands and bring in Estrada and Canek. They start running the ropes but WAIT! Time for more tags. Metal avoids a Figure Four and we get down to a bit of a traditional tag formula with the focus on Metal’s leg. Guerrera tries to make a save but dropkicks Metal by mistake and everything breaks down. Garza gets in his corkscrew plancha and Aguayo’s top rope double stomp to the arm (meant to be ribs) finally ends Metal.

Rating: D. I’ll give them points for trying something different here but this didn’t work for me. The wrestling wasn’t great here and I really have no idea who these people are. It was a nice try at something new and when you’re in the depths that the company was in at this point it’s worth the shot but this was a big miss.

Attendance announcement.

Royal Rumble

Ninety second intervals here and it’s Crush in at #1 and Ahmed in at #2. JR says Ahmed has a minute and a half to do whatever he wants to Crush. So Crush is stuck with his arms behind his back and isn’t allowed to fight back? They fight to the mat and the clock messes up so it’s Fake Razor Ramon in at #3, earning one heck of a booing. Thankfully Ahmed gets rid of the clown in about ten seconds but Faarooq shows up in the aisle, meaning Ahmed eliminates himself to go after him.

Thankfully (I think?) Phineas Godwinn is in at #4 to give us something to watch. It’s as thrilling of a brawl as you can imagine as Vince keeps talking about the clock issues, which means there’s no clock to be seen. Austin is in at #5 to wake the crowd up a bit and a middle rope clothesline is enough to allow Phineas to get rid of Crush. A Stunner gets rid of Phineas and it’s Bart Gunn in at #6. That lasts all of twenty six seconds before Austin is all alone again.

Jake Roberts is in at #7 and throws the snake bag in for a bonus. The DDT is loaded up but a backdrop gets rid of Jake, who is replaced by British Bulldog at #8. This goes a bit better with Bulldog pounding Austin down until Pierroth (AAA guy) is in at #9. The luchador gets double teamed until Bulldog wises up and turns on Austin. Sultan, whose music sounds like Pierroth’s, is in at #10 as they’re flying through this so far.

Bulldog puts Austin on the apron but gets poked in the eye for his efforts. We’ve got a clock now and the fans are into it again, which is a really good sign for the match. Mil Mascaras is in at #11 and you know he’s going to get his stuff in. HHH is in at #12 as there’s really not much going on in between these entrances. Bulldog gets rid of Sultan to clear the ring out a bit though it doesn’t do much to keep the crowd going. The middle rope middle finger elbow hits HHH and Owen Hart is in at #13.

Without much going on, Owen “accidentally” eliminates Bulldog, who really isn’t happy with his partner as a result. Goldust is in at #14 and everyone gangs up on him for some reason. Cibernetico (also from AAA) is in at #15 and is tossed almost as quickly, along with Pierroth. Marc Mero is in at #16 as Mascaras dives on Cibernetico to eliminate himself in the process (which I’m sure was a COMPLETE mistake), followed by Goldust tossing HHH. That leaves us with Hart, Austin, Mero and Goldust who are joined by Latin Lover at #17.

Lover gets in some basic stuff before Faarooq comes in at #18 to eliminate him. Cue Ahmed again for a 2×4 shot to Faarooq to get rid of him as well. Austin dumps Mero and Hart, leaving himself alone in the ring. Savio Vega, Austin’s old rival, is in at #19 and scores with a spinwheel kick. That’s about it though as Austin clotheslines him out to be alone again. Jesse James is next and while he lasts a bit longer than Vega, it’s still not even a minute before Austin gets rid of him. Austin sits on the middle rope…..and it’s BRET HART at #21, giving Austin one of the best OH DANG looks in wrestling history.

The key to him though: he sees Bret coming, shakes his head, and tells Bret to bring it on before starting the slug out. Notice that: he didn’t back down and came out swinging because that’s how Austin rolled. It wouldn’t fit Austin to panic and try to beg or something. Man against man, Austin thought he could beat anyone on the planet no matter what circumstances he was up against. That’s good storytelling and a big part of what made him a star.

Lawler is in at #22 and starts the “it takes a king” line before leaving. Two right hands later and he’s back on the floor four seconds later to finish the catchphrase. Vince: “Do you know you were just in the ring?” JR mentions that Bret said he should just be the WWF Champion coming into the show, which is a great example of how his heel turn took off.

Fake Diesel (as played by the future Kane) is in at #23 and at least he looks close enough to pass for a Nash look-a-like. From behind or at a distance, you could actually make a mistake. Fake Razor on the other hand wasn’t even close and that’s why he was booed while Diesel is greeted with general indifference. A few power moves keep everyone down until it’s Terry Funk in at #24. It says a lot when Kane is by far and away the fourth most successful wrestler in a match.

Rocky Maivia is in at #25 to make Kane even less important and of course he goes right after Austin for the sake of future issues. The slow pace continues until Mankind is in at #26, giving us Mankind, Austin, Rocky, Funk, Diesel and Hart. If there has ever been a better collection of talent at one point in the Rumble, I’ve yet to see it. Just DANG what a lineup here.

Flash Funk is in at #27 and Lawler wants the Funkettes. Bret piledrives the heck out of Austin and Flash dives off the top to take out Diesel and Terry. Vader is in at #28 as I start to miss people wrestling earlier in the show and still being in the Royal Rumble. For some reason Flash makes the mistake of going after him, only to get pummeled down in a hurry. Henry Godwinn is in at #29 to bring the talent WAY down in a hurry.

The big Henry actually clotheslines Vader down as JR compares Lawler’s entrant to Bushwhacker Luke’s 1991 entrance. Oh come on. Lawler lasted TWICE as long as Luke. Undertaker completes the field at #30, giving us a final group of Undertaker, Austin, Hart, Terry Funk, Flash Funk, Diesel, Maivia, Vader, Godwinn and Mankind. Undertaker immediately punches Vader down before chokeslamming a few people.

The still unknown brothers have a bit of a fight as Vince calls Undertaker the favorite. Vader throws Flash out and we have Henry vs. Undertaker for a rather off brawl. Rocky almost has Bret out until Vader makes the save for no apparent reason. Austin and Funk chop each other half to death and probably have a blast doing so.

Undertaker throws Henry out and my jaw drops at the talent left in there. The final eight either already are or will be in the Hall of Fame one day. That’s INSANE and will likely never be even approached again. Mankind tosses Rocky and them pummels Terry before suplexing him out to the floor. Undertaker gets rid of Mankind, who is happy to brawl to the back with Funk. Bret dumps Austin for the pop of the night but the referees are busy breaking up the brawl, allowing Austin to come back in and eliminate Vader and Undertaker. Bret gets rid of Diesel, only to have Austin throw him out for the win in a great bit of cheating.

Rating: D+. And the good here is almost ALL Austin as the rest of the match was barely even worth talking about. There wasn’t much in the way of storytelling to be seen here as there wasn’t really a big winner teased until the very end. The lack of talent up until the end and time to go with the build towards the end didn’t do a lot of good as the match doesn’t even really start until Bret comes in two thirds of the way there. It’s certainly not the worst Rumble but it’s really not good either.

Bret has another tirade and while he has a point, he handles it like a baby.

We recap Shawn vs. Sid. Back at Survivor Series, Sid attacked Shawn’s manager with a camera to cost Shawn the title. Sid has been on a rampage since but now we’re in Shawn’s hometown for the big rematch.

Shawn says he’s sick with the flu (a-huh) but he’s ready to fight with 70,000 people (or closer to 50,000 depending on who you ask) behind him.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sid

Sid is defending of course. Shawn stares him down to start and is quickly shoved across the ring without too much effort. A kick to the chest puts Sid on the floor but he comes right back in and grabs a camel clutch. That goes nowhere (other than around for a long time) so Sid tries a chinlock, followed by one heck of a clothesline.

Some hard whips across the ring set up a bearhug because Sid needs to keep things slow. The bearhug stays on so long that Sid actually LAYS DOWN ON THE MAT WITH IT. A legdrop gets two and it’s already back to the reverse chinlock. Thankfully this one doesn’t last as long and Shawn comes back with a slam. Really a slam? After all that back work?

The forearm into the flying elbow connects but Sid goes outside to yell at Jose and his son. We get a ref bump so the chokeslam only gets two as a second ref comes in. Sid knocks the second referee down so Shawn hits him with the camera for two. The superkick gives Shawn the title back.

Rating: D+. As I said in the original review, this could have been much worse. I mean, not much worse but it could have been worse. Shawn winning the title back was the most obvious thing in the world and it’s ok to have him win here, especially in his hometown. It’s not exactly a good match but then again Sid isn’t exactly a good opponent. What is nice is seeing a hometown guy win a big match for a change and the fact that it derailed Shawn’s heel turn is…..well actually it kind of sucks but he wouldn’t have the title long anyway.

A ridiculously long celebration ends the show.

Overall Rating: D. Why is this show so fondly remembered? The wrestling is pretty lame (though there are worse options) and the Rumble itself isn’t much to be remembered outside of Austin starting his rise to the top of the promotion. It’s not the worst Royal Rumble of all time but I don’t remember getting into the show a single time all night, save for that look from Austin when Bret came out. Just not a very good show but it’s from a bad time for the company.

Ratings Comparison

HHH vs. Goldust

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2017 Redo: F+

Ahmed Johnson vs. Faarooq

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: D

Vader vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: C-

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Original: F

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: D+

Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: D

Now that’s more like it. The two main events just aren’t that good but I have NO idea what I was thinking on the opener. That match is a disaster and I can’t stand it less and less every time I see it.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/17/royal-rumble-count-up-1997-bret-hart-uh-make-that-austin/

And the 2013 redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/11/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-1997-why-austin-was-a-near-perfect-character/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MQKDV5O

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Christmas Carnage
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross, Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect, Michael Hayes, Bobby Heenan, Jerry Lawler

This is the Christmas week contribution from the WWE Vault and that could have some possibilities. WWE has often done something over Christmas and it should be interesting to see what they have brought out of mothballs. There are quite a few options here and some of them are worth a look so let’s get to it.

From Smackdown, December 22, 2006.

Batista is in the ring and Santa Claus comes out with gifts for the fans. Michael Cole even gets a Roddy Piper DVD and shirt (not shown, but that’s what someone with notes from Smackdown from 2006 are for)…but then Santa hits Batista in his bad arm with a pipe. Cue Teddy Long to give Santa a match with Batista.

Batista vs. Santa Claus

Batista’s World Title isn’t on the line and Long might not be the nicest guy to have Batista in the match when he’s already hurt. Santa goes after the bad arm and slams it into the apron for two. Batista drives him into the corner but charges into a boot to the bad arm. A backdrop (looked like a mistimed spinebuster) sets up a spear and the beard comes off to reveal…Sylvan. The spinebuster and Batista Bomb finish at 1:41.

From Superstars, December 23, 1995.

Xanta Klaus vs. Scott Taylor

Yeah this had to be here. Xanta is better known as Balls Mahoney, is from the South Pole, and likes to steal presents. Some hard forearms, a belly to back suplex, and a camel clutch finish for Xanta at 1:31. The match was so short that I didn’t have time to mention Xanta’s manager, Ted DiBiase, doing a split screen interview and promising that the Million Dollar Champion is coming. This was the only match for Xanta, because….well how much of a shelf life was he going to have?

From Monday Night Raw, December 20, 1999.

Mankind is not happy about having to face Santa Claus in a Boiler Room Brawl because he doesn’t want to have to punch the rosy cheeks or kick him in the stomach that shakes like a bowlful of jelly. Cue the Mean Street Posse to jump him and send him into the boiler room, which has him rather disturbed to officially start things off.

Mankind vs. Santa Claus

Santa is in fact in the boiler room and Mankind isn’t sure what to do about this. Santa doesn’t want to put Mankind on the bad list so Mankind offers to let Santa walk out and win in peace. That works for Santa but three other Santas jump Mankind. He’s fine with fighting them and finds a well placed garbage can and some frying pants (in their bag of toys).

The three of them are down but two more are waiting on him and these two happen to be the New Age Outlaws, who have some better luck. Mankind fights back against the two of them like he’s in Championship Mode in No Mercy (SOCKO!) and grabs a mirror, naturally singing about chestnuts roasting on an open fire in the process. Another Santa knocks the mirror into his face to shatter it…and since it’s HHH, he tells Mankind to suck it and leaves to win at 3:34.

Rating: C. What in the world do you want me to say about this? It felt like some weird comic book scene with the collection of Santas coming at Mankind, who was almost fighting his nightmare scenario come to life. Like so much from this era, it wasn’t so much a match as a segment with brawling, but this did work for what it was supposed to be.

From Monday Night Raw, December 23, 2012.

Good Santa vs. Bad Santa

YES! This is the one I was hoping would be on here. Here we have a 400lb wig splitting World’s Strongest Santa vs. the Intellectual Santa of the Masses in a battle to save Christmas. The good one hits the bad one in the head to start and opens a package to find a toilet. Bad Santa goes face first into said toilet and they head outside, where the bad one finds a fire extinguisher….which doesn’t work.

The good one takes the pin out and sprays the bad one as commentary argues over whether Santa’s suit is fireproof or Santa himself. The bad one finds a Singapore candy cane to beat on the good one and wreck the (awesome) Christmas decorations, which is just too far for the good one. They fight back to ringside, with the bad one taking a present to the back. The bad one STILL can’t get the fire extinguisher to work so the good one sprays him again, setting up the World’s Strongest Slam (which Cole dubs the Sleigh Ride) for the pin at 3:20.

Rating: A+. I’m a Christmas fanatic and I remember loving this match live. It still holds up today as they absolutely knew the assignment and had a comedy brawl which didn’t overstay its welcome. That’s exactly what wrestling should be at times and it worked very well, with Henry being lovable and Sandow being the snob. Great stuff.

Post match Henry pulls out some cupcakes (he approves) and slams them into Sandow’s face. JBL: “Jimmy Stewart is rolling over in his grave right now.”

From Monday Night Raw, December 23, 2019.

We’re near the streets of New York City, where Santa Claus sends R-Truth over to his sled and then jumps Akira Tozawa to win the 24/7 Title. Of note: Santa was played by future AEW star Bear Bronson.

From Wrestling Challenge, November 27, 1993.

Doink The Clown is brought out for an interview, where he is told that there can only be ONE Doink in the WWF. Apparently he has drawn the ire of Bam Bam Bigelow and Luna Vachon, but he doesn’t care because he loves Christmas. Cue Santa Claus to hug Doink, who started off badly but has gotten a lot better. His present is in the bag, and it’s……a mini Doink! Actually that won’t work, as there can only be ONE Doink….so we’ll just call him Dink! Yeah sure why not. Dink leaves in a wagon and Heenan hopes he goes to play on the interstate.

From a Superstars taping in what looks like late 1992.

We meet Santa’s helpers from the South Pole: a couple of guys who whack their arms around and call each other Cousin Luke and Cousin Butch. They seem to love Christmas and remember their mother singing them Christmas songs (if they’re cousins, why do they have the same…..never mind). The interviewer is licked and toys are dispensed to the fans.

From World Class Championship Wrestling, December 25, 1983.

Michael Hayes dresses up like Santa and jumps the Von Erichs after a tag match. Mike Von Erich gets piledriven.

Overall Rating: B. Again, I love it when they throw in a few curves here and there with some actual interesting moments. Rather than doing a bunch of lame stuff that doesn’t matter, they went with stuff that a lot of fans probably haven’t thought of in a long time and it makes these things so much more fun. I love the Henry vs. Sandow match and the Mankind deal was a nice flashback. This could have been a lot longer but at just shy of thirty minutes, it’s hard to get too annoyed.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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WWE Vault Grab Bag II
Commentators: Dean Hill, Kenny Bolin, Lenny Leonard, Bryce Remsburg, Chris Cruise, Mike Tenay, Jim Cornette

So this is one of my favorite things to do, as the WWE Vault releases a bunch of matches on a regular basis. In this case, there are enough that I can do a few collections, as I’m basically making my own playlists. There is no running theme for these matches and they’re just whatever I happen to pick. Let’s get to it.

From August 22, 2008, a dark match before Smackdown/ECW.

Takeshi Morishima vs. Jamie Noble

Tony Atlas is here to introduce Morishima, who is a power guy and former Ring Of Honor World Champion. Morishima runs him over to start and knocks Noble into the corner. Noble tries to fight back with a few shots to the head, including an enziguri to stagger Morishima. That just earns Noble a Boss Man Slam into a neck crank, followed by a big leg for two. Morishima picks him up at two and adds a big Saito suplex for the pin at 3:03 (with the announcer naming him “Orishimo”).

Rating: C. This wasn’t quite a squash for Morishima but it was close enough, as he looked dominant. You don’t get to see someone with his size and athleticism very often and it makes sense that WWE would be interested. Morishima looked good out there and it would be nice to see more of him in WWE, if nothing else due to him using the old Orient Express theme. Because of course.

From August 18, 2008, a dark match before Raw (I have no idea why they went out of order).

Takeshi Morishima vs. Charlie Haas

Haas yells at the fans to start and gets sent face first into the buckle for his efforts. The big leg connects but Haas manages to snap his arm over the top rope. That doesn’t seem to matter as it’s a Boss Man Slam to drop Haas, followed by a missile dropkick for the pin at 2:36.

From July 29, 1995, a dark match at a Superstars taping.

Bret Hart vs. Hakushi

In a cage. Hakushi jumps him to start fast and strikes away, only to get knocked back down. Hart goes for the climb out but gets pulled back down rather quickly. That lets Hakushi go up but Hart pulls him down and climbs as well. Hakushi cuts that off just as fast and strikes away on the top. They get back down and Hart whips him into the corner, followed by a bulldog.

It’s too early for Hart to get through the door though and Hakushi starts in on his leg. A ram into the cage lets Hakushi make a rather slow climb, which Hart cuts off with a DDT. Hart still can’t get out and Hakushi goes for the leg again, only to get pulled back inside as well. That lets Hart climb up a lot faster than before but Hakushi grabs him by the hair for a rather painful looking stop.

A backbreaker drops Hakushi but the middle rope elbow misses (you don’t see that very often). Hakushi’s top rope headbutt misses just as well so Hart turns him inside out with a clothesline. They take turns pulling the other down again and there’s a hard whip to send Hart chest first into the buckle. He’s right back up though and it’s a superplex off the cage for the big crash, leaving them both down. With Hakushi barely able to move, Hart manages to escape for the win at 12:31.

Rating: B-. For a dark match, this turned into something pretty good and the superplex was a nice surprise. They started slowly but eventually it picked up with more intensity and hard hitting. These two always had good chemistry together and it was on display again, which is cool for a less than readily available match.

From OVW TV, June 23, 2007.

CM Punk/Cody Runnels vs. Shawn Spears/Jay Bradley

Runnels (Rhodes of course) is distracted by Spears to start and gets hiptossed by Bradley. That’s broken up and Runnels goes after Spears again, only to kick Bradley in the face. A fall away slam sends Runnels flying into the corner for the tag to Punk, meaning trash can be talked. Punk strikes away to knock him into the corner and Spears realizes the tag means he’s in trouble.

Runnels gets the tag as well and Spears runs straight to the floor (apparently they kind of hate each other). Spears crawls back inside and hands it off to Bradley, who sends Punk into the corner. Now Spears is willing to come in and gets knocked down, allowing Runnels to come in and chase Spears to the floor. Punk cuts that off but Bradley comes in to jump Runnels from behind.

We take a break and come back with Bradley hammering on Runnels, which is enough for Spears to come in and stomp away. Runnels fights up so it’s immediately back to Bradley for a chinlock. Spears comes back in and goes after Punk, drawing him in so Runnels can be double teamed in a perfectly logical cheating sequence. The drop down shot to the face allows the tag off to Punk, who is in to clean house.

The running knees in the corner set up a bulldog/clothesline combination, followed by the springboard clothesline for two on Bradley. Cue Michael W. Kruel to pull the referee out, allowing Spears to get in a cheap shot on Punk. Runnels is back in with a strap to Spears’ back (before their strap match in a few days) so here are Spears’ goons to be dispatched. Runnels straps Spears to the back, leaving Punk to Anaconda Vice Bradley for the tap at 11:26 (earning Punk a shot at Bradley’s OVW Title in the process).

Rating: B-. Perfectly nice match here, with the all star team overcoming the odds to get some revenge and a title shot at the same time. That’s a case where simple storytelling works out well and I liked what we got here. Punk was red hot in OVW but he was already up on the main roster at this point, so he was pretty much just visiting here. The results worked out though as he and Rhodes always work well together.

From Evolve 17.

Sami Zayn gives us a quick introduction, as he got to pick the match. This just happens to involve someone he has been compared to a lot over the years.

El Generico vs. Samuray del Sol

Sol is better known as Kalisto. They fight over arm control to start and go to the mat, meaning it’s time to exchange flip ups. Generico grabs a headlock into a chinlock before working on the arm. A wristdrag takes Sol down but he flips out of a hurricanrana and Generico isn’t sure what to do. Generico’s running shoulder drops So and he springboards over Sol into some more armdrags.

Some chops in the corner seem to wake Sol up as he walks on his hands into a headscissors. A slingshot 450 gives Sol two and he bends Generico over his back for quite the painful visual. That’s broken up and Generico hits a clothesline but Sol is back with another headscissors. A rather springboardy wristdrag sends Generico outside and there’s the step up corkscrew dive to drop him again.

Back in and Generico exploders him into the corner, where the Helluva Kick is cut off. What would become known as the Salida del Sol gives Sol two but Generico is back with the Blue Thunder Bomb for two more. Generico’s Michinoku Driver gets two more so Sol steps onto his back for a Code Red. The Rising Sun (poisonrana) gives Sol two but a super version is countered with a facebuster onto the turnbuckle. The Helluva Kick into the turnbuckle brainbuster gives Generico the pin at 14:08.

Rating: B+. I can see why Zayn picked this, as Generico and Sol were both working rather hard out there and put on a heck of a match. That’s the point of something like this as it was not only the show’s main event but also a rubber match. It made things feel that much bigger and they lived up to the hype. Pretty awesome match here and a sign of what they would be able to do on the big stage.

From AAA When Worlds Collide.

Fuerza Guerrera/Madonna’s Boyfriend/Psicosis vs. Rey Mysterio/Heavy Metal/Latin Lover

Mysterio is only 19 here and this is described as his Breakout Match. Guerrera and company (the rudos here) clear the ring to start before we can even get the introductions. Guerrera and Metal start things off with an exchange of armdrags before Psicosis comes in to clothesline Mysterio. The top rope hurricanrana sends Psicosis bailing up the aisle and it’s Boyfriend (Louie Spicolli, who towers over Mysterio) comes in and picks Mysterio up.

That doesn’t last long and it’s off to Lover for an exchange of running shoulders. A superkick drops Boyfriend and it’s back to Psicosis for a clothesline to Metal. They grab stereo faceplants for a double down and Mysterio comes in, only to get hit in the face by Guerrera. Mysterio sends Guerrera outside for a dive, leaving Lover to send Psicosis into the corner.

Back in and Guerrera hits Lover low, only for Metal to come in with a low blow of his own. That doesn’t work for Boyfriend, who gorilla presses Mysterio over the barricade for a crash into the crowd. The villains get to double team Lover but Mysterio comes back in to give Psicosis a faceplant. Guerrera gets powerbombed out of the corner but Lover misses a top rope splash. Everything breaks down and we get a parade of dropkicks to the floor but Metal misses a Swanton to Guerrera. A seated armbar makes Metal tap at 13:40.

Rating: B. It’s much more in the lucha libre style, which wasn’t a thing in America at this point. That was the entire point of this show and it absolutely worked, as they were displaying something that had fans rather impressed. I can definitely see why Mysterio’s performance was so well received, as he looked like a star in the making, which is absolutely what he would be in just a few more years.

From May 13, 2003, a dark match before Smackdown/Velocity.

CM Punk introduces this one, talking about how he had wrestled a dark match the previous night and been unofficially banned from WWE for being unsafe. He showed up anyway and was asked if he wanted to face the Road Warriors. Apparently that was quite the affirmative.

CM Punk/Doug Delicious vs. Legion Of Doom

We’re joined in progress with Hawk throwing Delicious around and handing it off to Punk, who jumps Animal for some reason. This goes as well as expected, with Animal hitting a hard clothesline and a powerslam. Hawk misses a running charge into the post though, allowing Punk to get two off a snap suplex. We’re clipped (in a dark match) to Hawk hitting a double clothesline as everything breaks down. The Doomsday Device finishes Delicious at 2:44 shown (possibly out of 4:14 total). Actually not a squash and LOD looked decent enough.

From OVW TV, January 19, 2002.

Prototype vs. Randy Orton

As you probably know, the Prototype (with Kenny Bolin) is an early (and evil) John Cena. Orton sends him into the corner to start and gets two off a crossbody. A powerslam gives Orton two more as Cornette gives the hard sell for the Last Dance later this month. Prototype sends him hard into the corner for two and a sidewalk slam gets two more.

A pair of snap suplexes give Prototype two but Orton catches him on top. The ensuing superplex gives Orton two so Bolin gets on the apron. Some powder only hits the referee though so here is Rico Constantino to jump Orton as well. Bobby Eaton of all people comes in to go after Constantino and then jumps Prototype for the DQ at 6:32.

Rating: C. The match was pretty much just there, but it’s more of an historical curiosity than anything else. Cena and Orton have one of the most legendary rivalries in WWE history and seeing them both at such a young age is rather odd to see. They would get a lot better, but this was hardly a bad match, especially for developmental television.

From Dragon Gate USA Open The Ultimate Gate 2013 (the Wrestlemania XXIX weekend show).

Johnny Gargano introduces this one and it’s a bit different.

Open The Freedom Gate Title: Johnny Gargano vs. Shingo

Gargano is defending. They stare each other down to start as the fans want Shingo (better known as Shingo Takagi) to do bad things to Gargano. A battle of arm control takes them to the mat with Shingo working on the leg to limited avail. Gargano goes to the arm so Shingo gets to the ropes, allowing him to start another arm control battle. Gargano’s chops don’t work but Shingo’s certainly does, allowing Shingo to grab a headlock. A suplex puts Gargano down and it’s a backsplash for two, setting up a neck crank.

Back up and they slug it out, with Gargano not being able to get the Gargano Escape. Shingo sends him into the corner but gets caught with a quick hurricanrana. Gargano grabs a double arm crank and leans back onto the arm for a rather painful visual. A neckbreaker gives Gargano two and he actually wins a strike exchange by elbowing Shingo down in the corner. It’s back to working on the arm to keep Shingo in trouble, with a cradle even getting two.

The Gargano Escape is broken up with pure power and a clothesline sends Gargano outside. Shingo strikes away against the barricade and boots Gargano into the crowd, which is never a good idea. A superkick gets Gargano out of trouble and he runs back inside for quite the suicide dive. It works so well that Gargano does it again, only to charge into a Death Valley Driver on the floor (which probably won’t have the effect that it should).

Naturally Gargano beats the count back in, where a neckbreaker and sliding lariat give Shingo two. A slingshot DDT plants Shingo for two more and the fans are a lot more split. One heck of a clothesline puts Gargano down again and another pop up Death Valley Driver gives us a double breather. More clotheslines don’t even put Gargano down so he pulls on the Gargano Escape.

That’s broken up again and they go up top, where Shingo’s superbomb is countered into a super hurricanrana for two. The lawn dart gives Gargano another near fall and he can’t believe the kickout. They slug it out from their knees and then their feet until Shingo hits a Saito suplex and a hard clothesline for another double down. Shingo is up first with a super Death Valley Driver for two but Made In Japan is countered into the Hurts Donut (spinning full nelson faceplant).

The Gargano Escape sends Shingo over to the rope as we get a PLEASE DON’T STOP chant. Shouldn’t it be PLEASE DON’T GET PINNED OR SUBMIT TO CAUSE THE MATCH TO END? Made In Japan gives Shingo two more and the hue running clothesline gets an even nearer fall. Another Death Valley Driver gets another two and the referee gets bumped. That means it’s a low blow to drop Shingo and Gargano whips out a rope to choke him into the Gargano Escape to retain at 33:27.

Rating: B+. It’s an excellent back and forth match, but dang I was having some trouble buying that Gargano was surviving all of this. That’s been an issue of his for longer than I can remember and it was certainly true again here. Shingo definitely had the skill to back up his reputation and he felt like a big get for a show of this magnitude.

From February 7, 1993 at a WCW house show. This isn’t a complete match but it’s certainly some awesome sounding footage.

Dustin Rhodes/Ricky Steamboat/Shane Douglas vs. Steve Austin/Brian Pillman/Barry Windham

This is an elimination match and we’re joined in progress with Austin working on Steamboat. A suplex gives Austin one and he drops Steamboat with a clothesline to cut off a comeback attempt. Austin hits a side slam as I don’t see any partners anywhere around. Some slams stay on the back and Austin grabs a bearhug, which isn’t something you see him do very often.

With that broken up, Austin makes the mistake of spitting on Steamboat, which triggers the comeback you’re probably expecting. A top rope superplex sends Austin crashing down hard for a rather delayed two but he reverses a Tombstone into one of his own for two more. Austin goes up (this can’t end well) and Steamboat rolls through a high crossbody for the pin at 4:37 shown. Not enough shown to rate as the whole match is about 25 minutes, but these two always worked well together.

Post match Pillman runs in for the beatdown, with Windham making the save. The big brawl goes outside, with Douglas coming back in to drop Pillman onto the barricade. More wrestlers (including 2 Cold Scorpio in a Ribera shirt) can’t break it up either and the brawl continues. Johnny B. Badd and I think William (Lord Steven at the time) Regal are in there but can’t get very far either. Things finally settle down but Pillman chop blocks Douglas in the aisle and the pain is real to end things. Good match, very hot post match brawl.

From December 15, 1996, a dark match after In Your House: It’s Time.

Shawn Michaels vs. Mankind

We’re a few months after their famous match at Mind Games and Paul Bearer is here with Mankind. Michaels jumps Mankind to start on the floor and then takes him inside to hammer away. The discus lariat puts Michaels down and some right hands drop him in the corner. Michaels is sent into the steps and choked on the ropes as Mankind gets in the creepy “COME ON SEXY BOY!”.

The Mandible Claw is blocked and Michaels manages a belly to back suplex. The flying forearm lets Michaels nip up…and go right into the Mandible Claw. Well that didn’t work. They crash out to the floor, where a nasty ram into the steps is enough to get Michaels free. Mankind’s hand is sent into the steps and the top rope elbow connects inside. Bearer’s distraction lets Mankind get the urn but Michaels superkicks him down for the win at 6:56.

Rating: C+. It’s a dark match so you’re only going to get so much out of it, but it could have been far worse. These two could have a good match in their sleep and while this wasn’t quite that, it was hardly some great match that tore the house down. It doesn’t help that they had such a classic the previous time so the expectations were probably high, even though it wound up being the Cliffnotes version.

From May 5, 1993, a dark match at a Wrestling Challenge taping.

Harlem Knights vs. Tony DeVito/Mike Bell

The Knights are better known as Men On A Mission and this is their tryout match. They’re already doing the wave as Bobby (Mo) backs DeVito into the corner to start. That means more waving and an armdrag before it’s off to Nelson (Mabel), who trades hammerlocks with DeVito. Thankfully Nelson finally wakes up and realizes HE’S A GIANT AND SHOULDN’T BE DOING HAMMERLOCKS and grabs a chokebomb.

Bobby comes back in for a double elbow and we’re clipped ahead about six seconds (I’m guessing something a fan said/did) to Bell kicking Nelson low to escape another hammerlock. Nelson no sells some forearms and hits a World’s Strongest Slam, setting up the double splash for the pin at 4:49.

Rating: D. How in the world did this get them hired? Bobby barely did anything other than the waving deal and Nelson was trading hammerlocks with and selling punches from someone half his size. I could see how the team could be fun, but they completely missed the point…and then got signed anyway. Of course they did.

Overall Rating: B-. This is exactly the kind of thing I love doing with the WWE Vault, as you never know what kind of awesome stuff you might find. I just picked a bunch of matches here and watched them mostly straight through in a kind of do it yourself playlist. It’s by no means a regular playlist or anything close, but there is some stuff in there that is worth a look. I’ll definitely be doing this again, as just seeing what they had next was more than worth the time.

 

 

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