ECW on Sci Fi
Date: March 13, 2007
Location: Sovereign Bank Arena, Trenton, New Jersey
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Wrestlemania is on the way and ECW will actually be doing something on the show. Not only will CM Punk be in Money in the Bank, but we get the big eight man tag between the New Breed and the ECW Originals. That alone should be more than enough to carry ECW TV, but this week gets a bonus with a special appearance by Mick Foley. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

In Memory Of Ernie Ladd.

Edge is in the back when Randy Orton comes up to yell at him for setting up Orton vs. Bobby Lashley tonight. Orton says Edge is kissing up to Vince McMahon and tensions are rather high.

Opening sequence.

Battle Royal

Tommy Dreamer, Rob Van Dam, Sabu, Sandman, Marcus Cor Von, Matt Striker, Kevin Thorn, Elijah Burke

The teams come out together but it’s one winner only. It’s a brawl to start (as it should be) with Sandman hammering on Striker in the corner. The posing is a bit too much though and Striker tosses him out without much effort. Sabu and Van Dam get rid of Cor Von, which probably should have been a bigger deal. Thorn blocks Sabu’s hurricanrana to toss him out as the eliminations are starting fast.

Van Dam kicks away at Thorn, including the step over kick to put him down. Striker cuts Van Dam off though as we’re into the everyone brawls without tossing anyone stage. A kick to the face rocks Thorn and some clotheslines get rid of him but Striker is right behind him to toss Van Dam as well.

We’re down to Striker, Burke and Dreamer, the latter of whom has to fight out of the corner. For some reason Striker charges at Dreamer in the corner and gets backdropped out, leaving us with Burke vs. Dreamer. Burke dropkicks him off the top but Dreamer hangs on and gets up on the apron. Back in and Dreamer blocks a big boot and shoves Burke out to win (with the Originals being announced as the winners).

Rating: C-. They kept this moving fast enough and that’s always appreciated in a battle royal with so many losers. Dreamer winning is a good idea as you need to give someone other than Van Dam some momentum in the feud and it’s not like losing in a battle royal is some kind of career death sentence. This feud is more than enough to carry ECW for the time being and this was a fine way to go for the week.

Post match the Originals all get back inside and here is Mick Foley. Post break, Foley says you might think that he is here for a cheap pop…..and you would be exactly right! He is here to talk about his new book, but he is also here to talk about Wrestlemania. Foley talks about turning on Tommy Dreamer last year and it made him unpopular with some of the boys.

Yes he is here to talk about his book because he has never been so honest before. He talks about everyone and everything in it and he wants Dreamer to look at it. Dreamer drops the book but Foley talks about how he turned on Dreamer last year. Yeah he loves the pop and the crowd reaction but One Night Stand meant so much to him that he wanted to shine the spotlight on Dreamer.

Sabu deserves the attention as well and that’s why we are getting to Wrestlemania. It is time for the Originals to face the New Breed in front of 70,000 people. Foley never got to do that and he is going to make it 70,001 by being at Wrestlemania in the stands. He will somehow squeeze into a seat and let his voice be heard as he chants ECW. The chant starts up again….at least a little bit. This was Foley trying as hard as he could to get an idea over but it is only going to get so far when it’s ECW in 2007.

Video on Snitsky.

Extreme Expose….is cut off by Snitsky.

Snitsky vs. Michael Deek/Danny Jacks

Total destruction, with Snitsky pinning Deek after a big boot in about forty seconds.

Elijah Burke wants CM Punk’s answer about joining the New Breed. Punk isn’t ready to answer but Burke asks him about his bad night on Smackdown. That’s not cool with Punk, but Burke wants to make sure Wrestlemania is a good night for Punk. Just think about it, and Burke hands him a New Breed shirt.

Celebrities offer their hair cut picks.

Long video on the Battle of the Billionaires contract signing from Raw.

Bobby Lashley vs. Randy Orton

Non-title and Edge comes out to watch. Lashley powers him into the corner to start but Orton gets smart by taking out the leg. A chop block puts Lashley down and the knee drop keeps him in trouble. Back up and Lashley sends him outside where Edge yells at Orton as we take a break.

We come back with Orton holding Lashley in a Boston crab, meaning it’s time to crawl to the rope. Orton stomps away but Lashley fights up, earning himself a poke to the eye to cut him off again. The RKO is blocked so Edge grabs the title, which is enough for an ejection. Edge seems rather happy as Orton yells at him and we take another break.

Back again with Orton hitting a suplex on the floor for a near fall, followed by the Orton Stomp. Another Boston crab goes on, with Orton being smart enough to face the ropes this time. Orton even bends forward to push onto the ropes….which I’m assuming adds some kind of extra pressure in heel logic.

Lashley gets out and the fans are not pleased with anything about Orton. They are a bit more appreciative of Orton being sent shoulder first into the post and getting torture racked. Lashley drops to his knees for the backbreaker and it’s time to unload in the corner. The running powerslam finishes Orton clean in a pretty flat ending.

Rating: C. The ending really sucked the life out of this one, which is impressive as it didn’t have a ton of life in the first place. Lashley has all of the tools you could need but he really isn’t feeling it in the ring with these matches. It wasn’t so much a hot comeback as much as Lashley hit a few moves and then won with his finisher. Not bad, but it got a very big “that’s it?”.

Vince McMahon, looking snazzy in a black pinstripe suit with a black tie, comes out to glare at Lashley to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Not their best show here, but what matters is they have something big to focus on with the faction warfare. The problem is I’m not sure what the rest of the show is going to do when Lashley is out of the real Wrestlemania main event slot. The show wasn’t great, but it kept things moving, albeit fairly slowly, on the way to Wrestlemania.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: February 27, 2007
Location: HP Pavilion, San Jose, California
Attendance: 13,511
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

The big stories continue to be Bobby Lashley and the ECW Title, plus the New Breed vs. the ECW Originals. Both stories are likely to get a lot of time this week, though Vince McMahon showing up to deal with Lashley should tell you what the focus of this show should be. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Donald Trump picking Bobby Lashley as his representative in the Battle of the Billionaires. This set up a pretty awesome Lashley vs. Umaga brawl on Raw.

Tonight: Lashley has to defend the ECW World Title inside a cage against Hardcore Holly.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Sabu vs. Mr. Kennedy

Extreme Rules. They actually go to the mat to start until Kennedy hits a slam. The running elbow misses but Kennedy is fine enough to whip him into the corner. Sabu knocks him outside and hits the baseball slide, followed by the dive. A chair is thrown in and a table is set up, with Kennedy being knocked into place. Kennedy gets out of the way, so Sabu just dives onto him anyway.

Back in and the Triple Jump Moonsault is countered with a drop toehold into the open chair, allowing Kennedy to kick him in the face. Kennedy awkwardly puts the table inside but the delay lets Sabu hit a legdrop to the back of the head. Sabu goes up but dives through the table by mistake, allowing Kennedy to hit a DDT onto the table for the pin.

Rating: D+. What were you expecting from this kind of a clash of styles? There was no drama on the winner as Sabu isn’t getting anywhere near a match that big. Sabu needed all of his weapons though and that isn’t Kennedy’s thing, making this quite the mess and not very good in any sense.

Vince McMahon arrives and isn’t happy about being late.

Balls Mahoney vs. Matt Striker

Striker actually hits him in the face to start but hurts his hand. Mahoney shows him some better technique and goes up top for the legdrop. Cue Snitsky to jump Mahoney for the DQ in less than a minute.

Snitsky lays both of them out.

Vince McMahon welcomes us to the show and talks about tonight’s cage match for Bobby Lashley’s ECW World Title. Vince doesn’t like Lashley, so we’re changing things up a bit: if Lashley doesn’t win in five minutes, he loses the title. SURPRISE SURPRISE!

Marcus Cor Von/Kevin Thorn vs. Rob Van Dam/Tommy Dreamer

Ariel and Elijah Burke are with the villains while Sandman is with the ECWites. Van Dam drop toeholds Thorn down to start so Dreamer can drop an elbow for two. A hiptoss sends Thorn down as well and Dreamer hammers away in the corner. He even gets in a right hand to cut off Cor Von in a nice save. The distraction lets Cor Von come in and hammer away though, setting up the chinlock.

That’s broken up in a hurry and it’s off to Van Dam for the assortment of kicks. The split legged moonsault gets two and Rolling Thunder gets the same. Everything breaks down and Dreamer dives off the apron onto Cor Von. Ariel tries to throw in the walking stick but Sandman spanks her with the cane. The distraction lets Thorn crotch Van Dam on top and the Dark Kiss is enough for the pin.

Rating: C-. This needed more Cor Von as it wasn’t the most energized match. What mattered here was continuing the New Breed’s advantage over the Originals, which should be the case. The Originals aren’t exactly interesting and other than nostalgia, why should I cheer for any of them other than maybe Van Dam? The New Breed might not be great, but what they’re saying makes sense.

Hardcore Holly knows he’s winning tonight because no one can beat him in five minutes.

CM Punk vs. Stevie Richards

Richards shoves him out to the floor to start (that might not have been the plan) but Punk is right back in for an exchange of kicks to the legs. More kicks have Punk down and we hit the neck crank. Punk kicks his way out and gets two off a rollup but Richards kicks him right back into the chinlock. With that broken up, Richards takes him up top for the superplex but gets shoved down in a crash. A top rope clothesline sets up the running knee in the corner and the yet to be named GTS finishes Richards off.

Rating: D. This was really weird as Richards started off in control, put on a bunch of chinlocks and then waited for Punk to beat him. It felt more like a Richards match with Punk winning in the end, which isn’t likely what they were going for here. Punk should have come off looking more dominant here, as it’s just Stevie Richards.

We look at Donald Trump picking Bobby Lashley last night, setting up the brawl, again.

Extreme Expose.

Jerry Lawler is going into the Hall of Fame. This isn’t on Peacock for some reason.

ECW World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Hardcore Holly

Lashley is defending inside a cage and we have a five minute time limit. As you might expect, Lashley starts fast and hammers away with right hands on the mat. Holly is busted open but avoids a charge so Holly can go up. Lashley goes up too but here are Vince McMahon and Umaga. They fall off the top and Umaga throws in some chairs. Holly clocks Lashley in the head for two with two minutes left. Lashley fights up with a belly to belly suplex and a bunch of chair shots of his own. Another chair to the head drops Holly with a minute left and the running powerslam retains the title in time.

Rating: C. This was angle advancement rather than a regular match and given who was involved, that’s all you could ask for. Holly isn’t a serious threat to win the title and Lashley is on to far bigger and more important things. They got in and out here while doing their thing and that’s the right move for a match like this.

Post match Umaga and Lashley stare each other down. Lashley gets a running start and launches himself into the cage wall, knocking it over and crushing Umaga in the process. Both guys are down to end the show as Armando Alejandro Estrada panics. I’ve always loved this ending as not only is it different, but it makes Lashley look like the kind of monster who can go toe to toe with Umaga.

It’s different from the John Cena feud, as Cena was able to fight enough until he could find a way around Umaga. Lashley is someone who might be able to just beat him one on one through straight power. Awesome ending, if nothing else due to the cage wall knocking Umaga down so fast.

Overall Rating: C-. The ending helped a lot but this was one of their weaker shows so far. The matches weren’t working for the most part and it just kind of kept going. What helps here is that the Originals vs. New Breed and McMahon involvement makes the show feel important. That has been lacking since ECW debuted and while it isn’t going to last forever, it is nice to see for the moment.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: February 6, 2007
Location: Qwest Center, Omaha, Nebraska
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

There is a new big bad around here and it happens to be Vince McMahon himself. That could be a rather scary proposition for ECW, which seems ready for a battle between the old and new. It is hardly a brand new idea in wrestling but at least it has some natural legs around here. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Vince McMahon arriving next week and not liking anything around here, save for Elijah Burke. That resulted in Burke getting beaten down by the ECW Originals, which you had to know was coming.

The ECW Originals (Sandman, Tommy Dreamer, Balls Mahoney, Sabu and Rob Van Dam) are in the ring and here is Vince McMahon to join them. Vince asks what a cornhusker is, thinking it sounds like something that belongs in adult films. As he looks around the ring, he sees a bunch of has beens. Actually make that a bunch of NEVER HAS beens, as most of these people have criminal records so they had to go to ECW.

As Vince said last week, anything bout the original ECW sucks so these men suck too. He’s standing in the middle of Jurassic Park with these dinosaurs, but worry not because tonight, they are going extinct. Sandman loads up the Singapore cane but Vince reminds him who signs their checks. These guys are going to be in action tonight….or at least most of them as Vince can’t stomach all of them in one show. They better not break any rules or touch any officials though, or they’re fired.

Snitsky is coming.

Kevin Thorn vs. Tommy Dreamer

Hold on a second though as we need Matt Striker as guest referee. Thorn has Ariel in his corner and jumps Dreamer to start. Dreamer gets sent into the buckle and choked on the ropes, followed by an elbow to the face. The chinlock goes on until Dreamer hits a Stunner for the escape. A Sky High plants Thorn but Striker claims a knee injury to prevent a count. Thorn is back up with a clothesline to knock Dreamer over Striker, who can count the pin.

Hardcore Holly is ready to prove himself to Bobby Lashley.

Video on Bobby Lashley growing up and succeeding in amateur wrestling. Now he goes to schools where kids hold his title, including one who seems a bit too comfortable with it.

Bobby Lashley vs. Hardcore Holly

Non-title. Lashley powers him into the corner to start and the delayed vertical suplex connects early. A quick hot shot gets Holly out of trouble though and the shoulder gets posted. Said shoulder is sent into the steps and it’s time to head back inside for the reverse chinlock. Make that a waistlock as the memories of hurting Lashley’s shoulder are already fading away.

Holly ties up the legs for I guess you would say the Sharpshooter’s fourth half cousin twice removed by marriage. That is switched into an STF and then back to the waistlock as Holly shows his versatility. Lashley powers up with an overhead belly to belly, followed by a backdrop. The gorilla press powerslam finishes Holly out of nowhere.

Rating: D+. Lashley’s matches continue to not go so well and this time a lot of that was due to Holly. Why would you do two big moves to the arm and then ignore it for a bunch of ribs stuff? That was the majority of the match and that is hardly a way to keep the attention going. Another Lashley match that leaves you shaking your head, which is getting tiresome.

Post match here is Snitsky to jump Lashley with a big boot, setting up Holly’s Alabama Slam to leave Lashley laying.

Balls Mahoney vs. Marquis Cor Von

Mahoney has a neck brace thanks to Umaga on Raw and Matt Striker is timekeeper. Cor Von is smart enough to go straight to the neck, including forearms and a clothesline. There goes the neck brace but Mahoney avoids a charge in the corner and jabs away. That just earns him the Pounce into a cobra clutch and Mahoney is out in a hurry.

Extreme Expose, this time with a schoolgirl theme. Matt Striker interrupts though because he is guest ring announcer for the main event.

Elijah Burke vs. Rob Van Dam

Marquis Cor Von is guest commentator (Tazz and Styles didn’t notice) and Kevin Thorn is guest ring announcer. Also, anyone who interferes in any way is fired. Joined in progress with Van Dam hitting a suplex for two but Burke sends him out to the apron. A jawbreaker sends Van Dam into the barricade and Vince McMahon is very pleased in the back.

Burke grabs a double arm crank back inside, setting up the double knees to the chest. Van Dam kicks him in the head and grabs the monkey flip out of the corner. There’s the Five Star…but the bell rings while Van Dam is still in the air. It turns out to be a mistake (made by Thorn) and Burke is right there with a low blow to pin Van Dam.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have much time to do anything and it was much more about the angle than anything else. There is nothing wrong with that on an angle heavy show like this one and thankfully they kept it short. Burke seems to be getting a push and that is not a bad thing, as the lack of Sylvester Terkay may have been the trick for him.

Post match the beatdown is loaded up but the Originals run in for the save to clear the ring.

Overall Rating: C-. The wrestling was not the point here, as we now have a major story going on throughout the show. That is what ECW has been needing, as too much of the show’s history has been a bunch of short term stuff. Paul Heyman leaving was a big hit to where things are going, but now they seem to have found a new direction. Make things better from the ground up and we could be on to something around here. This wasn’t a great show, but it was an important step.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: January 30, 2007
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 15,156
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re done with the Royal Rumble and the big story around here is Bobby Lashley beating Test (again), this time via countout. That isn’t much to go on, but there is something more important around here as Vince McMahon is bringing his Fan Appreciation Night here as well. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Vince McMahon arrives and runs into Marquis Cor Von. McMahon seems to be a fan, calling him a breath of fresh air. Cor Von approves and McMahon goes on to find Sandman, who is reading the paper (no). That’s ok, but DRINKING ON THE JOB isn’t. McMahon remembers that he’s the Sandman and asks asks how he got that name. This sends McMahon into a chorus of Mr. Sandman as we flash back to Back To The Future.

Opening sequence.

CM Punk vs. Matt Striker

Striker forearms away to start but gets leg lariated in the face. There’s a clothesline to the floor and Punk follows him outside for the kicks to the chest. Back in and Striker kicks the rope into Punk’s chest, setting up a hanging swinging neckbreaker for two. The chinlock goes on (with Punk looking like he’s tapping) until Punk makes the comeback you are probably picturing. The powerslam into the running knee in the corner into the bulldog has Striker in more trouble. A backbreaker gives Punk two and he tries a sunset flip, only to have Striker drop down and grab the rope for the pin.

Rating: C-. Punk taking pins, even via cheating, still doesn’t feel right and hopefully it isn’t something that happens very often. He is one of the biggest hopes for the future and while this is far from some career killer, it wasn’t exactly something that seems to be the best idea, especially for Striker of all people.

We look at Undertaker winning the Royal Rumble and showing up on Raw to tease challenging John Cena at Wrestlemania.

Vince McMahon runs into Tommy Dreamer and asks what kind of a name is Dreamer. What could anyone be dreaming about? Dreamer: “Are you serious?” McMahon: “No, I’m Vince.”

Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly

They trade hammerlocks to start until Rob kicks him down. A hurricanrana drops Holly again and there’s a kick to the face for two more. The Alabama Slam is broken up and Van Dam hits a superkick, only to get caught with a running clothesline. A backdrop puts Holly on the floor and the big running dive takes him down again.

We take a break and come back with Van Dam kicking him down and dropping the spinning leg for two. It’s time to go up, meaning Holly can shove him down onto the barricade for a big crash. Back in and the reverse chinlock goes on but Van Dam jawbreaks his way to freedom. Holly kicks him down again and chokes on the rope, setting up the kick to the very lower abdomen for two. The chinlock goes on but this time Van Dam breaks away to hit the running spinwheel kick.

There’s the monkey flip out of the corner into the running kick to the face in the corner. The top rope kick to the head sets up Rolling Thunder but Holly powerbombs him out of the corner for two. Holly goes up top for a change and gets crotched down, only to shove Van Dam down. Van Dam hits a spinning kick to the face but misses the Five Star. Holly’s back gives out on the Alabama Slam attempt but he sends Van Dam into the corner, setting up the Alabama Slam for the pin.

Rating: C. There is something strange about seeing Holly winning a match over Van Dam, as it isn’t like this show has the strongest top of the card in WWE. Hopefully they come up with someone else soon, because I don’t think Holly is the right choice. The match got some time and was good enough, but Van Dam losing to Holly is weird.

Vince McMahon runs into Sabu, making him think he’s in Afghanistan. Vince: “It’s a member of the Taliban!” Sabu needs to stay away from him.

Post break, Vince McMahon runs into Balls Mahoney. He likes the last name, but not so much the first name.

Extreme Expose. This goes on for a bit until Vince McMahon, with security, breaks it up. The women are happy to see him but Vince throws them out of his ring. Security is tossed as well and Vince promises to not be embarrassed like he was last night. This is his first time in an ECW ring and he thinks all of the ECW originals suck. Actually anything about the original ECW sucks, including the people who liked it.

What we need around here are athletes with charisma rather than a bunch of drunken suicidal misfits. We need someone like this man, so here is Elijah Burke, who is rather pleased to be here. After a photo opportunity, Burke talks about how all of his fans are saying amen. The fans call this boring but Burke promises that everyone is going to feel his wrath. Cue the ECW Originals to beat Burke down as Vince is annoyed. The beatdown takes a good while, including Sabu putting Burke through a table.

ECW World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Test

Lashley is defending and this is their third match in eight days. Test gets kicked out to the floor to start but manages to post Lashley. More posting ensues and we take an early break. Back with Test working on the arm he injured during the commercial, including a flying armbar. Lashley manages to post him before the arm can be sent into the post again to get an opening. Some running clotheslines and a running shoulder in the corner set up the delayed vertical suplex. Test misses the big boot and gets caught with an exploder suplex. The running powerslam retains the title.

Rating: D+. Somehow that might be the most competitive of their matches. I know Test was on his way out, but I didn’t need to see this match happen three times in eight days. Lashley dominated him throughout the series and that doesn’t make for the most interesting string of matches. At least they kept it short.

Post match Lashley celebrates but the gong sounds. Cue the Undertaker to stare Lashley down, take out Test for daring to try to interfere, and then look at the ECW Title. Joey is SURE this means Undertaker vs. Lashley at Wrestlemania.

Overall Rating: C-. You can tell that it’s Wrestlemania season as WWE is actually trying to do something for a change. Having Vince around to set up something big with the Originals vs. the new ECW is the kind of thing that could go on for a long way around here. Undertaker isn’t likely to be back around here, but at least they gave us a little tease.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: January 23, 2007
Location: Mobile Civic Center, Mobile, Alabama
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s the go home show for the Royal Rumble and Bobby Lashley still needs a challenger for his ECW World Title. That would seem to be Test, but the match needs to be set already. Other than that, I’m not sure how much almost anything else matters around here, and ECW has not done much to fix that situation. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Battle Royal

Sandman, Kevin Thorn, Rob Van Dam, Sabu, Tommy Dreamer

This is an Over The Top Rope Challenge, because Battle Royals aren’t a thing around here. It’s a brawl to start as you would expect, with Van Dam being knocked down into the corner. Dreamer sends Sabu into the corner so Sabu tries a hurricanrana over the top, taking both of them out in the process. That’s rather Sabu of him. Thorn gets rid of Sandman and we’re down to two in a hurry.

Van Dam’s monkey flip is blocked and he is sat on top, where his tornado DDT is broken up. Instead it’s a big spinwheel kick to the face to drop Thorn, setting up Rolling Thunder. Thorn backdrops him to the apron but the forearms aren’t enough for an elimination. Rob gets to the top instead and manages a spinning kick in the corner, leaving Thorn to rather loudly call a spot. That spot seems to be awkwardly kick Van Dam in the face but not be able to toss him out. A superkick sends Thorn to the apron and Van Dam hits his top rope kick to the face for the win.

Rating: D+. I like the idea of Van Dam getting a bit of momentum going into the Royal Rumble, even if he has no change of winning. They didn’t bother with any drama with the other ECW originals and got to the point here, which was a good idea. The quality wasn’t the point here, and while it was weird to see a battle royal in ECW, it did make sense.

For unclear reasons, Hardcore Holly is out of the main event and Test will be replacing him.

Marquis Cor Von vs. Wes Adams

Before the match, Cor Von tells Adams to get out of the way or get run over. The beating is on in a hurry and a big boot cuts Adams down in a hurry. The release butterfly suplex sends Adams flying and it’s the Pounce into the Fujiwara armbar to end Adams in a hurry.

Cor Von gets in a few more shots after the match but makes sure to get his hand raised.

Hardcore Holly storms into Test’s locker room and wants to know how Test got the match changed. Test doesn’t know, but Holly says he’s coming for the ECW World Title no matter what.

Here are Kelly Kelly, Brooke Adams and Layla El for the return of Kelly’s Expose/debut of Extreme Expose, meaning three women dancing in rather limited clothing. This goes on for a good while and they don’t quite have it down to a science yet. Then the music stops and they all look confused.

Video on Test.

Matt Striker comes out for commentary, meaning we look at Kelly Kelly flashing him last week.

CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke

Punk strikes away in the corner and you can hear the beads in Burke’s hair rattling against each other. Burke gets in a shot of his own but Punk cuts him off with a spinwheel kick. The armbar goes on to keep Burke in trouble as the fans are not incredibly interested. Striker talks about being conservative and being scared about the idea of Punk winning the Royal Rumble.

Punk fires off the knees to the chest as Striker tries to figure out why the fans like Punk more than him. Styles: “It’s only an hour show.” Burke comes back with a shot to the back of the neck and the chinlock goes on. There’s a swinging neckbreaker (with Punk falling a bit early) and we’re off to another chinlock. Punk fights up again and gets pulled down into yet another chinlock as this is dying hard.

Back up and Burke misses a charge in the corner but holds the ropes to avoid a Russian legsweep. Now it’s a reverse chinlock as the fans are trying to get behind Punk. A knee drop gives Burke two and THE CHINLOCK GOES ON AGAIN. Punk finally fights up and hits a neckbreaker to start the comeback but the fans are way gone. The running knee in the corner sets up the bulldog for two so Burke grabs a rollup with trunks for two. That’s reversed into a cradle to give Punk the pin, much to Striker’s annoyance.

Rating: D-. The fans were dead, Striker was his usual buzzkill self on commentary (as he was supposed to be) and the match was just bad. It wasn’t interesting and you had a completely unacceptable five chinlocks in an eight minute match. Grab an armbar or something man, as it stopped working after the second attempt. This was one of the weakest and most boring matches I can remember in a very long time.

Royal Rumble rundown.

Test vs. Bobby Lashley

Non-title. Test bails to the floor to start so Lashley is right on him to start up the beating. Back in and Test gets in a quick stomp, only to be knocked outside again. Back in again and Test bails a second time as we take a break. We come back again with Test grabbing a chinlock (that last match must have been quite the influence) but Lashley is up in a hurry. A hard whip into the corner looks to set up the top rope elbow but Lashley gets the boot up.

Lashley misses an elbow so Test hammers away and unhooks a turnbuckle pad. The referee checks on that so Test unhooks another buckle (what a crafty villain), setting up the chest first whip. The pumphandle slam gets two on Lashley so it’s time to grab a chair. Lashley spears him down and hammers away, including a running shoulder to the ribs in the corner. A suplex sends Test outside and Lashley tosses him into the barricade. Back in and Lashley hits the running powerslam for the clean pin.

Rating: C-. The match itself was a watchable power match, but Test was already announced as the #1 contender for the Royal Rumble. Not only does it not make sense for him to wrestle here at all, but it really doesn’t make sense to have that ending. It’s quite the bizarre choice, though I would be scared to know how much thought was actually put into anything ECW did at the moment.

Overall Rating: D-. Total and complete misfire here as this show was awful. It took a good while to get through the thing because it wasn’t interesting at all and pretty much nothing worked. ECW isn’t a good show most of the time but this was one of the worst shows I’ve seen from WWE in a very long time. I would hope that things get better, because this show was horrible.

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: January 16, 2007
Location: Alltel Arena, Little Rock, Arkansas
Commentators: Tazz, Joey Styles

We are almost to the Royal Rumble and that means it is time to make Test #1 contender. That is about as obvious of a title match as there has been in a bit around here. Last week Test cost Van Dam his title shot so tonight it’s a triple threat. Normally you would think that would be saved for the Rumble if they want the biggest match possible, but ECW can be weird that way. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here’s the returning Kelly Kelly for a chat. She reminds us that she is an exhibitionist and now that she is single, Kelly’s Expose is back next week. We get a bit of a tease with Kelly saying she won’t be dancing alone, but here is Matt Striker to interrupt a preview. Striker says he has had students like her before, because she is willing to do anything for attention.

Her expose is not approved curriculum and if she does not learn better, she will be like everyone else. Also, did you know that women’s feet are smaller than men’s? It’s so they can stand closer to the kitchen counter. For now, she can go sit at ringside while Striker beats up her crush.

CM Punk vs. Matt Striker

Kelly is rather pleased to see Punk, who drives Striker into the corner to start. A headlock works a bit better for Striker but it’s a hiptoss to break that up in a hurry. Punk kicks him in the back and then in the face for two, setting up the armbar to slow things back down. A hammerlock slam sets up another armbar as commentary starts talking about the Royal Rumble. Punk cranks on both arms at once but Striker fights up, only to get sent hard to the floor.

Back from a break with Striker holding a headscissors to choke Punk, who bounces his way to freedom. A basement dropkick gives Punk a breather but Striker takes him into the corner for the running kick to the face. Punk comes back up with his series of kicks, followed by the knees to the face. The running knee into the bulldog gets two on Striker but he’s back with a neckbreaker. Striker loads up something, but Kelly gets on the apron to flash him (which seems to disgust Striker), allowing Punk to grab a backslide for the pin.

Rating: D+. The ending was the point here, but the match wasn’t very good on the way there. Striker isn’t very good in the ring and should stick to the talking, as he is a great pest. Punk needing help to beat him is not exactly encouraging after his loss last week, but putting him with Kelly (maybe) is a bit more of a direction.

We look back at Test costing Rob Van Dam his title shot last week.

Marquis Cor Von vs. Cassidy Riley

Cor Von is better known as Monty Brown from TNA, meaning we get some TNA chants. Riley is taken into the corner for some early forearms to the face and Cor Von easily powers him to the apron. Some knees to the chest into a butterfly suplex set up the unnamed Pounce. A Fujiwara armbar makes Riley tap. Cor Von was a proto Big E., down to the look, the way he walked and the big goofy face that Big E. makes.

Post match Cor Von says he’s here to do whatever he wants because the hardest regardless is Marquis Cor Von, the Alpha Male. Oh yeah you can see the star power all over this guy.

Bobby Lashley doesn’t like the situation but he’s keeping the title. This was a rather rough promo as Lashley sounded lost, despite it only being about twenty seconds long.

Wrestlemania Recall: Roddy Piper and the fire extinguisher to Morton Downey Jr.

Sandman vs. Elijah Burke

Before the match, Burke promises to give Sandman a shot of reality. Sandman canes Sylvester Terkay down before the bell so Burke gets in a few shots. A faceplant drops Burke and Sandman crotches him on top. What looked like a super Russian legsweep is broken up and Burke grabs a rollup with jeans for the fast pin. That would be Terkay’s last appearance, as he would be released later in the week.

We look at Tommy Dreamer picking himself up after getting squashed by Great Khali last week.

Ariel has a red rose, which means love, devotion and passion. Kevin Thorn has a black rose, which means pain, suffering and destruction. At the Royal Rumble, there will be 29 black roses and one red rose, for the winner, Kevin Thorn. Neck biting ensues.

ECW World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Test

Lashley is defending and anything goes. Test and Lashley start brawling on the floor before the bell before getting inside, where Van Dam kicks them both down for two. Rob takes Test outside again to drop him onto the barricade, setting up the spinning kick to the back. We settle down to Lashley vs. Van Dam and their timing seems to be off in a hurry. A rollup gives Van Dam two but Lashley gives him some shoulders in the corner.

After knocking Test off the apron, Lashley grabs a chinlock to keep Van Dam down. Van Dam fights up but gets pulled back down into another chinlock as we take a break. Back with Test hammering away on Lashley but Van Dam grabs a rollup out of the corner. Lashley makes a save after Test has already kicked out so Test drops both of them for two each. Test shoves Van Dam hard off the top for the crash into the barricade but walks into a suplex to give Lashley two.

Van Dam is back in to kick Lashley in the face and the springboard kick to the face puts him down for two more. With Van Dam being sent outside again, Test breaks up a superplex attempt and drops a top rope elbow for two on Lashley. Van Dam comes back in with a top rope kick to Test’s chest and a double Rolling Thunder hits both of them. One heck of a Five Star hits Test but Lashley spears Van Dam down. The running powerslam plants Van Dam to retain the title.

Rating: C-. They had some good spots here but it was rather sloppy in a few places. Lashley and Van Dam looked like they were on different pages for most of their time together and the ending wasn’t exactly in doubt given what they have been setting up in recent weeks. Test vs. Lashley will work, though it still doesn’t seem like a big match.

Post match Test knocks Lashley out with the title and yells at him to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Cor Von was about the only thing that made an impact here and that didn’t leave much for the rest of the show. The two longer matches were both pretty lame and you need something more in the middle if your book ending matches aren’t very good. The lack of star power continues to show here and they need to do something about the lack of depth. Not one of their better shows and that is a bad sign for the future.

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: January 2, 2007
Location: Lakeland Center, Lakeland, Florida
Attendance: 4,800
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s time for the new year and I’m curious to see how this one goes compared to the first. To say that ECW is in a weird place at the moment is an understatement, as the only people who really matter are facing each other tonight, as Rob Van Dam challenges Bobby Lashley for the ECW Title. Let’s get to it.

Here is two weeks ago if you need a recap.

The opening video sets up the title match by talking about how Van Dam wants the title back but has to go through the dominant force. Works well enough.

Opening sequence.

Test is in the ring to open things up and wastes no time in complaining about how he won the main event two weeks ago (which we see) but still didn’t win the vote for the title match. That doesn’t surprise him but he wants to know where the logic is in voting for a man who can’t even win a match. Title matches are made by winners and he wins a lot, like he is going to do right now.

Test vs. Sabu

Sabu hammers away to start and takes Test down for a running dropkick to the side of the head. That earns him a trio of backbreakers for two and the bearhug goes on. Sabu gets out and hits the springboard elbow to the face but Test slams him down again. The top rope jump of uncertain purpose hits raised boots and Sabu hits a springboard tornado DDT for two. Test has finally had it and kicks Sabu in the face, setting up the TKO for the pin.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t a squash but it did its job well enough. They aren’t really hiding the fact that Test is going to be the next challenger for whoever comes out of tonight’s title match, likely at the Royal Rumble. Test is going to be fine for a quick challenger and building him up by mostly mowing down Sabu is a good way to start.

Video on the Sandman.

Here are Elijah Burke and Sylvester Terkay for a chat. It isn’t about if they will win but rather if it is by knockout or tap out.

Full Blooded Italians vs. Sylvester Terkay/Elijah Burke

Burke hammers Guido down to start but he comes back up with some right hands. A crucifix gives Guido two so Burke punches him down again and hands it off to Terkay so the real destruction can begin. Burke comes back in for a running knee in the corner but misses an elbow. It’s off to Mamaluke for the first time so Burke clotheslines him down. Terkay adds an armbar for the easy win.

Rating: D+. Total squash here and that worked out well enough, though Burke and Terkay are not exactly the most thrilling guys to watch. Burke has the charisma but Terkay is someone who feels like a pretty standard monster. That might be part of why this was his last televised match with the company before being released later in the month.

Matt Striker gives us a math lesson to show why CM Punk can’t beat Hardcore Holly next week. Holly comes in to say Punk won’t beat him next week.

Tommy Dreamer joins us for an interview via satellite, but first we see his various destructions at the hands of Great Khali. Dreamer says he is going to keep going after Khali because that is the kind of man that he is.

Rob Van Dam thanks the fans for the title shot and is ready to get the title back.

Kevin Thorn vs. Balls Mahoney

Ariel is here with Thorn and Brad Armstrong is on commentary again. Thorn hammers Mahoney down as Armstrong talks about how many titles he was winning when these two were kids. Mahoney gets hit in the face in the middle of the ring and in the ropes as Armstrong mentions that the referee is his brother. Some shots to the face get Mahoney out of trouble for a good two seconds, but Thorn elbows him in the face for the pin. Ariel is VERY pleased by the blood that the elbow drew.

Bobby Lashley is ready for anything Rob Van Dam throws at him and promises to retain the title.

Video on Tribute to the Troops.

Vladimir Kozlov is here and says he loves ECW. He could beat both Rob Van Dam and Bobby Lashley too. Koslov: “I love Double Double E!”

ECW World Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Bobby Lashley

Van Dam is challenging and his headlock is tossed off with something like a powerbomb without much effort. Lashley wins a slugout out of the corner and tosses Van Dam around again. The bearhug keeps Van Dam in trouble and a spinebuster makes it even worse. Van Dam gets tossed hard to the floor but comes back in with some kicks to the face. The springboard kick to the face gets two on Lashley and the split legged moonsault is good for the same.

Lashley is right back with an overhead belly to belly suplex for two of his own, followed by a torture rack dropped into a backbreaker for the same. The one armed delayed vertical suplex (because of course) connects but Van Dam kicks a spear away. A top rope kick to the face puts Lashley down but Rolling Thunder misses. They head outside with Lashley being dropped onto the announcers’ table but he stands up. Van Dam dives off the middle rope with a clothesline….and that’s enough to throw up the X as Van Dam seems to have injured his leg.

Rating: C. This was enough of a back and forth match with Lashley dominating but Rob getting in enough to keep things interesting. The ending felt storylineish enough to set up a rematch but what matters here is they have something for Lashley to do. Van Dam is pretty much the only real challenger that he has so putting them together right out of the blocks makes a bit of sense. You don’t want Lashley feeling flat, so go with the one thing you have and try to set something else up later.

Both guys get checked on with no one talking to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Not much of a show here, but you can see where they are going with the title picture for the next few weeks. The rest of the show was designed to showcase some more people on the roster, but they aren’t exactly interesting in the first place. ECW is definitely in a state of flux at the moment, and that could make for some very weak times in the coming weeks.

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: December 19, 2006
Location: Hampton Coliseum, Hampton, Virginia
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re almost done with the year and I’m not sure what that is going to mean for this week. Last week’s show felt like a total throw away episode, but I’m curious about how much of that was over the big shakeup behind the scenes. Hopefully they don’t wait until the new year to fix things up. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Bobby Lashley for a match but first we see some shots of Lashley in Iraq to visit the troops earlier this month. Also before the match, Lashley talks about what the title means to him and stops reflect on the Big Show. If Show ever wants it back, come take it from him whenever he wants.

Lashley gets a little emotional before saying the fans can vote on who gets an ECW Title shot in two weeks. Their choices are Rob Van Dam, Sabu and Test with voting online. Lashley plugs Tribute To The Troops but here is Rene Dupree to interrupt. Dupree rips on the troops, who needed the boost because they are losing over there. He is challenging Lashley, who hits him in the face to start in a hurry.

Bobby Lashley vs. Rene Dupree

Non-title. Lashley slams him, shrugs off a poke to the eye, slams him two more times, and then sends it outside. Dupree manages a quick knee life and a neckbreaker over the ropes, setting up the chinlock. That’s broken up and Lashley hits the delayed vertical suplex, meaning it’s the Dominator for the fast pin.

Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney

Brad Armstrong of all people is on commentary here. Mahoney charges in and punches Striker down to start as we discuss where Armstrong is from. Striker takes him down and chokes with the shirt for a few near falls in a row. The armbar goes on but Mahoney rolls him into the corner for the break. There are the snap jabs but Mahoney blocks the low blow and takes him down again. The guillotine legdrop misses though and Striker hits the Golden Rule (that always weird move where he puts his knee behind Mahoney’s head and spins him back to drive the head into the knee).

Rating: D+. There wasn’t much to see here and the really dumb looking finisher didn’t make it better. Striker vs. Mahoney is the kind of feud that makes a lot of sense, but you’re only going to get so far with Striker in general. He’s a good heel, but he’s a good midcard heel at best, so hopefully they don’t try to go much higher with him than this.

Test says he should get the title shot because he has beaten Rob Van Dam over and over and Sabu is just another victim.

Rob Van Dam remembers being ECW Champion and promises to get the title back if he gets the chance.

Here is Hardcore Holly for a chat. Holly says that there is an ugly rumor that he tapped out to CM Punk last week. What really happened was the referee had to step in and save Punk’s life. Punk can’t make him tap out, so get out here right now. Cue Punk, but Holly says Punk only has three minutes to make him tap.

Hardcore Holly vs. CM Punk

Three minute time limit so Punk goes straight for the Anaconda Vice. With that not working, it’s off to a lockup with Holly taking him into the corner at a minute in. Holly takes him down and gets in a kick to the head before tying Punk up in the ropes. We’re down to a minute left as Holly puts on the chinlock. That’s broken up and Punk goes for the Vice again but time runs out.

Rating: D. Much more of an angle than a match here and there is only so much you can do in a three minute match involving a chinlock. Punk not being able to make Holly tap in three minutes doesn’t exactly make him look bad, and we should be in for a rematch sooner rather than later. Punk is on the rise and a definitive win over Holly should help him a lot.

Post match, Holly hits the Alabama Slam.

Shannon Moore runs into Daivari and gets a match with Great Khali for his transgression.

Video on Tribute to the Troops.

Great Khali vs. Shannon Moore

Khali throws him into the corner to start as here’s Tommy Dreamer to chair Daivari down. As we look at that, Khali finishes with the double chokeslam.

Post match Khali goes outside and knocks the chair away from Dreamer, setting up another double chokeslam onto the steps (THUD). Khali takes Daivari to the back.

Video on Sabu.

Dreamer is taken out on a stretcher.

See No Evil is on DVD.

We look at Mike Knox attacking Kelly Kelly two weeks ago.

Knox says he dumped Kelly because he is the victim. What if your girlfriend or wife kept taking her clothes off? She never hid her feelings for CM Punk so he stopped hiding his true feelings. It hurt him more than it hurt her.

Test vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Sabu

Joined in progress with everyone down on the floor until Van Dam takes Test back inside for a superkick. The standing moonsault gets two but Van Dam gets shoved off the top and into the barricade for his traditional crash. Sabu is back up as well and gets crotched on top to put him in trouble again.

Van Dam comes back in for the Tower of Doom and a pair of near falls. A flip over Sabu sets up a clothesline to Test and some double teaming gets two each. There is Rolling Thunder for two more on Test and he is sent outside. That leaves Sabu to hit the springboard leg lariat for two but Van Dam crotches him on top. The Five Star hits Sabu but Test comes in and decks Van Dam to steal the pin.

Rating: C-. This might not have been the most interesting match and the ending is about as played out of a triple threat finish as you are going to get, but it was a smart decision. Test isn’t going to win the fan vote, but now he has a reason to get a title shot later on if that’s where you want to go. Given how few options ECW has for a major Lashley match, Test is as good as anyone else they could throw out there at the moment. Smart booking to a pretty weak match.

Post match we get the results of the fan voting:

Van Dam – 45%

Test – 18%

Sabu – 37%

Van Dam is pleased but gets big booted by Test. With Test gone, Van Dam gets up and bows to Sabu, as the big boot might have kept him down for five seconds.

Overall Rating: D+. Another not very good show, but the big upgrade over last week was they actually had a point this time around. There was a focus on the title and getting Lashley a new challenger, which at least made the show seem somewhat important. They have a long way to go and I hope that it gets better in the near future, but this was at least a step above last week.

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: December 16, 2006
Location: TD Banknorth Garden Arena, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s a special Saturday show as I’m assuming ECW is airing a holiday movie marathon to raise money for the metric system or something. Bobby Lashley has beaten the Big Show, meaning we need some new challenges for the ECW World Title. That might mean bringing in some new names, which would be a lot better than using what we have available. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We look at Bobby Lashley beating Big Show twice in a row to firmly establish himself as champion. That would be it for Show for over a year.

Opening sequence, now minus Paul Heyman’s “The tribe of extreme has risen again.”

Rob Van Dam vs. Test

They take turns driving each other into the corner to start until Test elbows him in the face. That earns Test a kick to the face into a standing moonsault for two, meaning it’s time for a breather on the floor. Back in and Test gets smart by going to the eyes and then makes Van Dam’s shoulder go to the post. Rob tries to get up top but gets shoved down for the crash (as tends to happen to him) and we take a break.

Back with Test diving into a raised boot, allowing Van Dam to fire off the kicks for two. The rolling monkey flip is countered by a hard clothesline but Van Dam crotches him on top. Rolling Thunder gets two and there’s the windmill kick to drop Test again. The Five Star only hits mat but Van Dam counters a powerbomb into a sunset flip, only to have Test sit down on it and grab the rope for the pin.

Rating: C-. Pretty by the book match here as Test used the power and then Van Dam used the kicks and high flying before they would do the same thing again. Test as the next challenger to Lashley would not be the worst way to go, if nothing else to give Lashley a win over someone who could be a little intimidating. Van Dam continues to just kind of be here without much of anything to do, which is kind of astounding given his status.

It’s time for Striker’s Classroom, with Matt Striker mocking….well pretty much everything about Boston, from college students to politicians to sports. With that out of the way, he brings out Balls Mahoney, who Striker says reminds him of Boston itself. This includes his looks, his skin care and his girth, meaning the beating is on, or at least it is until Striker kicks him low. Striker: “What’s the matter? Feeling a little blue, Balls?”

Elijah Burke brags about how he and Sylvester Terkay will knock you out or tap you out.

CM Punk vs. Hardcore Holly

Punk elbows and armdrags him down to start and grabs a suplex for two. Holly gets in a shot of his own though and ties Punk in the ropes for the forearm to the chest. A swinging neckbreaker gets Punk out of trouble and it’s time for the rapid fire strikes. The running bulldog out of the corner gets two but Holly knocks him into the corner and hammers away….for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Oh yeah Heyman must be gone, as this would seem to be the kind of thing that Heyman would fight to avoid. This would have been a lame ending on any show but it is especially lame in ECW. Holly is not likely a big name around here for very long and odds are Punk will beat him again in the rematch, as he should.

Post match, Punk grabs the Anaconda Vice to make Holly tap.

Here is Tommy Dreamer to call out the Great Khali. Cue Khali and Daivari, the latter of whom accepts the challenge instead.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Daivari

Daivari hammers away in the corner but Dreamer fights out, shrugs off a chop from Khali, and hits the DDT for the pin in less than a minute.

Post match, Khali pulls Dreamer outside to hit the double chokeslam on the floor.

We look at Mike Knox dumping Kelly Kelly and giving her a swinging Downward Spiral last week.

Bobby Lashley vs. Paul Heyman’s Personal Enforcers

Non-title. The Enforcers stay in their helmets and #2 tries to sneak in for a cheap shot. That has no avail as Lashley sends him outside and grabs a delayed vertical suplex on #1. A nightstick shot puts Lashley down and the stomping in the corner gets two. There’s a double clothesline to set up more stomping but Lashley avoids a charge into the corner. A backdrop sends #1 into #2 and a spear sets up the Dominator for the pin.

Rating: D. This felt like they remembered they needed Lashley to do something on the show and checked catering to see who was available. The ending was never in doubt and they didn’t do anything to make it that much more interesting. Lashley being all dominant is fine but this wasn’t exactly make me want to see more of him.

Post match Lashley spears #1 and gives him a Dominator as well. Lashley grabs the nightstick and beats them both down to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. I would be really curious to know how the creative aspect of this one went, as there was very little to suggest that much effort was put in. What we got here felt like it was mainly thrown together at the last minute, which isn’t the most inspiring effort. It wasn’t a good show and felt completely skippable, though maybe they were just burning through a weekend show.

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December To Dismember
Date: December 3, 2006
Location: James Brown Arena, Augusta, Georgia
Attendance: 4,800
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Well here we go. For the first time ever, the reincarnated ECW is getting its own pay per view and we have two matches announced on the way in. One of those matches features two teams who aren’t on ECW and the other is the EXTREME Elimination Chamber. This is not exactly looking promising but let’s get to it.

The opening video entirely focuses on the Chamber, with nothing else getting any focus. So half of the matches got a look, so maybe things are looking up.

Hardys vs. MNM

This is the result of the Hardys’ open challenge and neither of the teams are on ECW. Matt starts with Mercury and shoulders him down, meaning it’s already off to a double standoff. With that settled down, Mercury shrugs off some arm cranking and hands it off to Nitro as everything breaks down again. The Hardys clean house and it’s Nitro blocking Jeff’s jawbreaker and taking him into the corner to put him in trouble for the first time.

Jeff isn’t having that either and fights out, allowing the tag off to Matt to pick up the pace again. Melina offers a distraction though and MNM manages a double gutbuster to take him down. A double belly to back faceplant gets two on Matt but he manages a double DDT. Jeff gets knocked off the apron and it’s MNM hitting Poetry In Motion to rock Matt again. Not that it matters as Matt fights up and makes it over to Jeff for the hot tag a few seconds later anyway.

Everything breaks down again and it’s time for the parade of dives onto the floor. Back in and Nitro hits a springboard missile dropkick for two on Jeff. A double catapult sends Jeff face first into the buckle and Mercury cranks on both of Jeff’s arms for a bit. Jeff gets flipped into the corner and some forearms to the back keep him in trouble. There’s a slingshot elbow for two and we hit the reverse chinlock.

With that broken up, another double catapult is countered as Jeff comes back with a double Whisper in the Wind. The hot tag brings in Matt, including the middle rope legdrop for two on Nitro. Back up and Nitro snaps off a super hurricanrana on Jeff but the Hardys get up again and nail stereo superplexes.

With Jeff up first, Melina gets on the apron but her slap is blocked by Jeff grabbing his arm. Jeff steps away and Nitro dropkicks Melina by mistake, setting up a rollup for a rather hot near fall. The Snapshot gets two with Matt making the save so MNM puts Jeff on top. Matt makes another save and neckbreakers them down, setting up the Swanton onto the two of them for the double pin.

Rating: B. It’s rather good and I don’t think anyone should be surprised by that. You had two great teams going at it in a twenty minute match. I’m not sure how this couldn’t be good, though it’s kind of disappointing to hear that both teams are splitting up after this. It doesn’t make sense given how good this was, but it isn’t like WWE really cares about the tag division anyway.

Commentary hypes up the Elimination Chamber. It isn’t a good sign that they need filler like this.

Rob Van Dam is ready to take the risks for the chance to become ECW Champion again.

Here’s Matt Striker for a chat and it’s time to go downhill. Striker talks about the chaos and destruction that is coming tonight in the Chamber. He asks the fans if they want to see someone like him in an extreme rules match. The fans approve, so Striker is going to be in an EXTREME RULES match tonight. Now that means an EXTREME enforcement of the RULES of course, meaning no eye gouging, hair pulling, coming off the top or foul language of course. Let’s see how extreme his opponent can be.

Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney

Mahoney throws him down to start so Striker comes back with some forearms. That’s broken up so Mahoney tries a cross armbreaker of all things, with Striker going straight to the ropes. More forearms to the back stagger Mahoney and striker sends him shoulder first into the post. A Regal Cutter gives Striker two and it’s time to crank on the arm.

Mahoney comes back with right hands to the face (Striker picks no eye gouging but ignores punches from a guy with a signature sequence involving punches to the face. Right.) but gets pulled into a Fujiwara armbar. That’s broken up and Mahoney’s arm gives out on the snap jab attempt. Striker crotches him on top and the Fujiwara armbar goes on again. Mahoney fights back up with a belly to back suplex and now the punches work. The sitout spinebuster finishes Striker off.

Rating: D. Ignoring the fact that we’re on pay per view, this wouldn’t have even been a good TV match. Striker wanted the rules enforced and then they had a regular match. Having Mahoney win was one of the two ways they could have gone, but if this was their way of giving the fans something to cheer for, we’re in a lot more trouble than I thought.

Brian Pillman has a DVD (not on Peacock obviously).

Sabu has been attacked. After losing on Tuesday, it isn’t like he had any momentum or chance anyway. So yeah he’s not likely for the main event and you can hear the BULLS*** chants as we come back to the arena.

Sylvester Terkay/Elijah Burke vs. FBI

Trinity is here with the FBI. Before the match, Burke promises that they will leave their mark like a wild beast in heat. Commentary drools over Trinity as Guido and Burke (in a hat) start things off. Guido takes him down (and steals his hat) by the arm and hands it off to Mamaluke. A few fans try a WHERE’S MY PIZZA chant ala the original ECW because he thinks it is still alive.

Terkay misses a splash in the corner but manages to pull Guido’s high crossbody out of the air. After Terkay throws the FBI outside, it’s back in for a chinlock from Burke. Guido fights up and hands it off to Mamaluke so the pace can pick up. A double dropkick into a double flapjack gets two on Burke but Terkay gets in a cheap shot from the apron. The Elijah Experience finishes Mamaluke.

Rating: D+. Slightly better match but that is mainly due to having slightly more interesting people involved. Terkay and Burke are two more people who don’t really feel like they belong in ECW but at least they did something here and add a little variety. Not much of a match, though you have to take what you can get on this show.

Post match, Terkay hits Guido with a MuscleBuster for a bonus.

CM Punk and Rob Van Dam watch Sabu being loaded into an ambulance.

Daivari vs. Tommy Dreamer

Great Khali is here with Daivari, who rants about how Khali in Farsi. Daivari hammers away to start but a glare from Dreamer sends him bailing outside (just don’t let Dreamer talk). Back in and a hiptoss sends Daivari right back to the floor but this time he comes back in with a dropkick. There’s a baseball slide to put Dreamer on the floor but he reverses a whip to send Daivari into the barricade.

Back in and Khali low bridges Dreamer right back to the floor, earning himself an ejection. The fans say they want hardcore but get a neck crank into a chinlock instead. Dreamer fights up drops backwards onto Daivari for the break, followed by a reverse DDT for two. The Death Valley Driver is broken up but Daivari catches him on top. That means the Tree of Woe into the running dropkick…..but then Daivari rolls him up with tights for the pin.

Rating: D-. Gah no. Another nothing match here which would have been bad either here or on television and that is hardly the kind of thing that is going to make the show better. The ending was pretty awful as Dreamer just started to get going and then Daivari pinned him without much thinking. Bad match, bad setup and worse ending, especially on this show.

Post match Dreamer chases Daivari up the stage, where Khali catches him with the tree slam. Therefore, we pause for Dreamer to be checked on but then get up.

Paul Heyman puts Hardcore Holly into the main event to replace Sabu. This is booed out of the building.

Kelly Kelly/Mike Knox vs. Ariel/Kevin Thorn

Oh this could be trouble. Before the match, Kelly wishes CM Punk luck in the main event. The guys start (thank goodness) by shoving each other around before Thorn clotheslines him down and grabs a quickly released neck crank. A hard clothesline cuts Knox down again and we hit another nothing chinlock.

Knox fights up with a slam for two and kicks Thorn in the face for a knockdown. This time it’s Knox cranking on Thorn’s neck but Ariel makes the save. She even stays in this time and wants Kelly to join her, meaning it’s time for a lot of hair pulling (Striker disapproves). A boot choke in the corner has Tazz losing his train of thought and an ax handle to the back cuts Kelly off again. Kelly manages to kick Ariel away though….and Knox walks out on her, leaving Ariel to hit a choke STO for the pin.

Rating: D-. It was a nothing match and the high point was Mike Knox vs. Kevin Thorn. This is airing on pay per view and would have been an ice cold match on TV in addition to the match being terrible as a bonus. I didn’t think this show could actually fall even further but this pay per view continues to amaze me.

Post match the beatdown stays on but Sandman makes the save. Thorn gets caned down and beer is consumed.

We get a video of Michael Cole running down the Armageddon card. Also not on Peacock.

Bobby Lashley says it is his destiny to win the title.

Video on the Elimination Chamber. Notice the high level of padding tonight.

We’re still not ready yet though as here is Paul Heyman, with security, for a chat. Heyman talks about how Hulkamania will die with Hulk Hogan and WOO will die with Ric Flair. ECW will live on behind him though, with Big Show as its champion. The days of Sandman and Sabu and Tommy Dreamer are over and it is the ECW of the Big Show. Now lower the Chamber!

ECW Title: Big Show vs. Hardcore Holly vs. CM Punk vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Test

Show is defending in the Extreme Elimination Chamber, meaning there is a weapon in each pod. Hardcore Holly is in at #1 and Rob Van Dam is in at #2 and there are five minute intervals. Holly takes him into the corner and starts kicking away but Rob pops up and gets sent into the cage….but holds onto the side because he can. The spinning high crossbody only hits the rope though and Van Dam crashes down again. Van Dam gets sent into the cage again but manages to get a boot up to cut off a diving Holly.

Rolling Thunder over the top rope hits Holly but he suplexes Van Dam back inside. There’s the dropkick and it’s CM Punk with his chair in at #3. A monkey flip sends Holly onto the chair and Punk kicks Van Dam down. The chair is wedged in the corner and Van Dam, who has been busted open somewhere in there, is sent hard into it. Punk kicks him again but Holly is back up with a side slam. Holly drops Punk onto the top rope and there’s a top rope superplex to take him down again.

Test, with his crowbar, is in at #4 and hits Punk in the ribs before clawing at Van Dam’s cut. Punk grabs a Stunner on Test of the top rope and the bloody Van Dam kicks Holly in the face. Van Dam skateboards the chair into Punk in the corner and hits the Five Star for the pin and the elimination for Punk’s first pinfall in WWE. Test kicks Holly in the face for an elimination, even if the count didn’t seem to go down properly. Van Dam goes up top but Test chairs him in the knee and pulls him right back down in a crash.

An elbow off the top of the pod onto the chair onto Van Dam is good for the elimination, meaning that the countdown to Lashley is official. It also means that the ring is clear, save for Test, for about a minute and a half because this match can’t time things either. Bobby Lashley with his table is….not allowed to get in because test and the security guards block the door. That’s fine with Lashley, who uses the table to break the roof open and climbs through the top. Eh points for a cool entrance.

Lashley unloads for a bit until Test gets him into the corner for some choking. Lashley suplexes him down, hits him with the crowbar, and nails a spear for the pin. Therefore, let’s wait a minute and a half before Big Show with his barbed wire baseball bat can come in at #6 to give us the showdown. Lashley has to use the chair to shield himself with the bat but manages to knock Show outside anyway. Show is sent through the pod to bust him open but he knocks Lashley down again. Back in and the chokeslam is countered into a DDT, followed by a spear for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. And that’s probably high. This was a really dull Chamber with the two badly times falls that left them sitting around with nothing to do for a few minutes. The match is less than twenty five minutes and you knew that Lashley had the title won with about ten minutes to go.

Look at the participants here. Van Dam, Show and Lashley are fine, but that leaves you with three pretty weak choices. Punk would go on to become a huge star, but at this point he had been around for a few months with his career consisting of feuds with Shannon Moore and Mike Knox. That is kind of lacking in any kind of meaningful wins in WWE and it showed badly. The other two are Test and Hardcore Holly as a replacement. That leaves you with three options, but Test dominated a good portion of the middle. That’s the best they could put together and that should tell you a whole low.

The show was long past the point of saving by the time we got to the match, but then they had this boring mess to make it even worse. There was no drama, the popular guys were done in less than fifteen minutes and the weapons managed to make it less violent than the previous Elimination Chambers. Not the worst match of all time, but pretty horrible and probably the worst Chamber match to date, if nothing else for the star power included and the lack of drama near the end.

Lashley’s pyro celebration ends the show.

Overall Rating: F. What is there to say about this show? It’s a good match, then a C level version of the C level TV show and a huge main event which bombed as hard as anything in recent memory. This show felt slapped together and I would bet on the middle four matches being thrown together earlier in the day. Outside of the opener, the best match on the card was the FBI vs. Sylvester Terkay and Elijah Burke. Do you get how far you have fallen to have those four in second place?

This show made it very clear that WWE did not care about ECW and there was no stopping the show’s collapse even further into nothingness. There was no effort, there was one good match out of six (featuring people not from ECW) and the main event was a mixture of predictable and bad. This is what we got for the first ECW pay per view, which does at least give us a special milestone.

With this show, you can officially say that the new ECW is done. There wasn’t much to the show coming in and then it got even worse here. The show resulted in Paul Heyman leaving WWE and ECW, making this nothing more than the dumping ground for the people with nothing else to do. It was clear that the show wasn’t going to mean anything and once Heyman left, there was no reason to pretend anymore.

Heyman argued with Vince McMahon about the show both before and after, resulting in Heyman walking out on the company and not being seen again for over five years. Heyman’s idea was to have Punk make Show submit early and win the title, which worked fine for Show. Instead, Punk goes out first to end his undefeated streak. Heyman knew that things were done so he left, and after this debacle, can you really blame him?

One thing that doesn’t get the attention it deserves is the middle of the card with the four matches between the two they actually advertised. Striker vs. Mahoney is at least a logical way to go and Daivari vs. Dreamer has been built up a bit on TV. That leaves you with a tag team squash and a mixed tag with three heels and Kelly Kelly. I know WWE has a lot of problems, but they know how to throw together a four match series better than this. This felt like they were trying to troll the fans (or at least Heyman) and with none of these matches even hitting eight minutes, the lack of effort is pretty clear.

This show is about as perfect of an example of a show where WWE didn’t care and we were just left to get over it. It was a week after Survivor Series and two weeks before Armageddon, so in addition to treating the fans to an awful show, how many fans who watched or heard about the show passed on the next show because of what WWE delivered here?

This didn’t feel like a pay per view (a two hour and fifteen minute run time, comparable to Coliseum Videos didn’t help either) and it has absolutely earned the reputation that it maintains. I know it isn’t quite the same thing as a top level WWE pay per view, but it is hard to think of anything that the company has released that is near its level. This show is a complete disaster and one of the all time bombs on pay per view.

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